#924 - Rory Albanese

[0] Now we're live?

[1] I for one want to express outrage at that Kelly Ann Conway woman, not just putting her feet up on that couch, but being the only woman in the room having her feet up on the couch.

[2] Do you think it was a sexual posturing thing?

[3] I don't know.

[4] You know, there's a lot of men in the room.

[5] A lot of men in the room.

[6] Look, I'm in a weird position.

[7] It could just be instinct.

[8] Yeah, look at her.

[9] Look at her.

[10] All those dudes are staring.

[11] A lot of black dudes.

[12] Is that the black caucus?

[13] Wow.

[14] Black college, is this a leaders of the black?

[15] Yeah, historically black colleges and universities.

[16] Oh, and look at her.

[17] Do you think that that's what's going on there?

[18] I feel that's very sexual.

[19] Yeah, I mean, it looks sexual.

[20] Dude, she's got the vagina curtain thing going on.

[21] She's got her leg spread.

[22] Yeah.

[23] She's looking at her phone, maybe pictures of dicks.

[24] Hmm, I have another dick.

[25] She's actually on Tinder, which is weird, yeah.

[26] Yeah, she's swiping everyone right.

[27] Yes, come get some.

[28] There's so many great memes about this I saw one of them That was in quotes What is a train?

[29] Question mark Fantastic That's fantastic We live in a fucking dream man We really do This is so To see Donald Trump smiling Like if you Like knocked me over the head Ten years ago And put me in a coma And then woke me up today And then I was like What's going on?

[30] Who's the president?

[31] And you're like Well check this out I'd be like, get the fuck out of him.

[32] Oh, yeah.

[33] Yeah, it's like, you remember that scene in Back to the Future?

[34] When he's like, who's the present in 1985?

[35] Ronald Reagan, the actor, you know?

[36] That's exactly what it's like.

[37] It's crazy.

[38] Yeah, it's crazy.

[39] That picture, put that picture back up.

[40] There's so much going on there.

[41] No one's ever done that before.

[42] And you know, like, before this.

[43] He's like, we've got to do a photo with the blacks.

[44] You know, like he says, we've got to get more images of the blacks out with me. She's really important.

[45] Really important.

[46] Every time he takes a photo.

[47] Into the Oval Office, it's like, you know, 12 white guys.

[48] I wish I could do an impression of him.

[49] I mean, yeah, there's a lot.

[50] Yeah, to me, it's just talk like a thing.

[51] I can't, though.

[52] I don't, my voice doesn't make that noise.

[53] Like, whatever noise is his voice makes?

[54] It's very, like, it's kind of gravelly or something.

[55] I don't know what it is, yeah.

[56] Very bad things.

[57] Bad things.

[58] Very bad.

[59] Sad.

[60] That sad thing.

[61] It's hilarious, the word sad after tweets, because fucking everybody's doing it now.

[62] It's so funny, though.

[63] the internet is funny man like internet the internet you have like I always look at comedy like music you know and I always say like I know how to do I know how to play acoustic guitar which is like stand up you know what I mean and I know how to like I've written for TV shows that's like playing the piano Instagram Twitter like it's like that's like the saxophone man and I'm like I'm trying to learn the music but it's a new kind of comedy yeah and people are good at it like some people are just good at it and like you said you see a meme every now and then like my girlfriend sometimes will be in the you know like whatever it's you know in the bedroom or something and I'm here hysterically laughing and I come in and she just shows me and I'm like that you know what that's pretty funny you know and it's just a still image with three words on it and it just works well memes are a new form of comedy like these images with text attached to the image that's just so perfect totally and there's a way to do it and there's a way not to do it because you can't be meta about it you can't be like oh you know you have to like embrace it you can't think you're above it like you can't go like Oh, here's my meme.

[64] My memes about how memes are stupid.

[65] It's like, nah, fuck you.

[66] Everybody hates you.

[67] Memes are awesome.

[68] Yeah, they're great.

[69] Yeah.

[70] So it's like, you just have to embrace and go like, nah, that's a funny form of comedy that I need to figure out.

[71] There's a lot of thie going on with memes, too.

[72] Oh, yeah.

[73] You know, a lot of people, like, that fat Jewish guy that just take everybody else's memes.

[74] And he doesn't even, like, put repost.

[75] He just puts their name in it.

[76] Like, that's enough.

[77] Yeah.

[78] Like, he puts their name somewhere in the post.

[79] Yeah, he's one of those dudes where I don't know anything about him, but it's hard to like him.

[80] Not in.

[81] It's hard to like him.

[82] And I've heard people be like, oh man, I was at a party.

[83] The fat Jewish was there.

[84] I'm like, you should stop this story right now.

[85] Because there's nothing about this that's interesting to me. It's just for too long, he was doing what he knows is wrong.

[86] And then he started just adding people's names to the memes.

[87] But it doesn't like, if I repost somebody's stuff, I write, I put the repost thing.

[88] I use repost.

[89] So everybody knows.

[90] It says in the first letters, repost.

[91] Right.

[92] So, okay, this is Rory's tweet.

[93] He put it, or this is, you know, Rory's Instagram post.

[94] He's not doing that.

[95] Nope.

[96] Yeah, it's just it's it's there's a funky thing, but also I got to be honest I've been sent some things I don't know where the fuck they came from and I put it up just I thought it was hilarious.

[97] Yeah, I didn't try to say it was mine and I'm not making a living off of doing that I just wanted to share something that's funny.

[98] Yeah, but you can do that and go I don't know where this came from but it's really funny it is yeah but it's weird because somebody must have made it and how the fuck do you find who made it?

[99] I don't know I mean I I've only made one Instagram thing that like did okay which was a it was a it was a picture of Ivanka Trump in that silver dress and I was like right when she released it I was like I got to do something about this and I said to my girlfriend I go what does this look like she's like a Chipotle burrito?

[100] So I found like a I found a Chapoletabreira wrapped in tinfoil and I was like who wore it better and it did really it was like the only time I did something on Instagram because a lot of times I put a joke on Instagram I'm like get ready internet I'm about to break you and then nobody likes it but that one but that one I actually saw other people posting without crediting me and I was like Yeah, what do you, I mean, you don't really, yeah, there.

[101] That dress is ridiculous.

[102] I mean, it looks like, it looks just like she looks like a burrito.

[103] He's an odd looking fellow, too.

[104] There's something about the man, the, what is his name, Jared Kushner?

[105] Jared Kushner, yeah.

[106] There's something about him where I'm like, wow, this guy's like, he's like a character in a Kubrick movie or something.

[107] Yeah, he to me is like, like, you know, I'm a New York, Italian Jew, but I grew up a dudes like Jared Kush.

[108] But he's like the rich version of where I grew up.

[109] Like, he's like a rich Jewish kid from the city.

[110] who like went to a private school and then like got in that world and now he's now he's like running the country I feel like I could have gone to camp with him I mean he really is running the country he's one of the guys he's one of the main people yeah but I don't know then I read stuff that like you know him he he doesn't have as much say as one might hope and oh well I would imagine yeah yeah yeah a little bit more yeah I mean I would imagine the big boss is the dad and then Bannon it's Trump and then Bannon yeah but he's doing Trump's bidding you I mean, he's, he's the brother -in -law, the son -in -law.

[111] He's got a, he's got a big part.

[112] He does.

[113] Look at that dork.

[114] Yeah, it's crazy.

[115] That dork's got a big part at running the country.

[116] He sure does.

[117] He fucking scored, though.

[118] Congratulations, sir.

[119] Yeah.

[120] He made out well.

[121] Yeah, he stepped in a big pile of shit there.

[122] She's hot as fuck, too.

[123] Yeah, she is.

[124] I bet she's probably, I bet she's probably pretty cool, reasonable person, too.

[125] She seems like it.

[126] She seems like it.

[127] She seems like, she hasn't stepped to shit.

[128] I think she's probably a little bit like what's going on.

[129] I feel the same way about.

[130] Melania.

[131] I think Melania is like, I did not sign up to be the first lady.

[132] Yeah, well, she's not even doing it.

[133] Yeah, she's not.

[134] Except for that one day she read the Lord's prayer off of a piece of paper.

[135] Oh, well, how about the one day she plagiarized Michelle Obama speech?

[136] Yeah.

[137] Yeah, yeah.

[138] That was the thing when I saw her reading the Lord's Prayer.

[139] I'm sure it's out there, but like my instinct was like, did, does she think Michelle Obama wrote the Lord's Prayer?

[140] Is that what she's reading?

[141] But I'm sure that joke was made a thousand times.

[142] But let's be honest, Michelle Obama probably didn't write that speech either.

[143] No. No, no, no, no, absolutely not.

[144] But I do think that if you're going to steal from a first lady, do it from one from like, you know, 50 years ago.

[145] Don't do it the one who's still first lady.

[146] Well, do you remember when Joe Biden got caught for stealing Kennedy speeches?

[147] Yes.

[148] Yeah.

[149] Biden, that was surprising to me when everyone started talking about, oh, like, everyone got so excited Biden might run for president.

[150] And I was like, am I the only one who's been like paying attention to Joe Biden?

[151] He's constantly doing those Trump things.

[152] He's the guy who's like, Like, hey, get up, come on, stand up, and the guy's in a wheelchair.

[153] Remember that?

[154] He's like such a buffoon, you know?

[155] He's an odd guy.

[156] And the memes about him were fucking genius.

[157] The Joe Biden memes at the end of the term.

[158] The goodbye memes?

[159] Oh, my God.

[160] That's what I'm talking about.

[161] Like, that's funny, you know?

[162] That's what I, for me, it was like, you know, the Daily Show, when I used to be at the Daily Show, was like, we were doing stuff.

[163] And it always felt like we were the fastest one's doing it.

[164] Now that with memes and stuff, you're going.

[165] They're instantaneous.

[166] You have a broadcast time.

[167] There's no way you can keep up.

[168] There's no way you can keep up, man. I mean, it's the speed by which things are launched and are good.

[169] That's the thing.

[170] They're not crappy.

[171] Like, the mock -ups are funny and the graphics are funny.

[172] And, like, people are doing, like, I don't know how fast people are editing photos on their phone or, like, Photoshop.

[173] Instantaneously.

[174] Well, they happen during podcasts.

[175] While we're doing podcasts, someone will make a meme about something said on the podcast.

[176] It'll be up before the podcast is over.

[177] Yeah.

[178] For me, the moment.

[179] Well, for me, like, it was the summer.

[180] I was at the nightly show, and I started to go, we're in a little bit of trouble here.

[181] It was when that dude was climbing Trump Tower, went to suction cups.

[182] Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

[183] Yeah, it was like 5 o 'clock, and we tape at like 6.

[184] We did tape at 6, and so we were rewriting that night show, and I made a little joke just to one of the researchers about the suction cup dude, like, what's he climbing Michael Phelps back?

[185] Because it was the Olympics, and Phelps was getting suction cup.

[186] Oh, right, right, right.

[187] Just a stupid joke, but the kind of thing for a late -night show, top of show.

[188] Hey, what's up, everybody?

[189] Welcome to the show.

[190] Before we get started, take a look at this, show the dude, and go, can we widen out on that?

[191] And then you see him climbing Phelps back.

[192] I said that, went back into the rewrite room, open Twitter.

[193] That joke had not only been made.

[194] The graphics were impeccable.

[195] And they've been retweeted like 60 ,000 times.

[196] And the dude was already, it was still on the tower.

[197] Well, here's a thing.

[198] That fast.

[199] And that's what I'm like, we're in trouble.

[200] This show's in trouble.

[201] Comedy writers and comedians as well like to think that they're the only ones who are funny.

[202] It's almost like you're a neurosurgeon or a race.

[203] car mechanic.

[204] You have some skill that like no one else has.

[205] People are funny.

[206] There's fucking funny people that are dentists.

[207] There's funny people.

[208] One of the funniest people I've ever met in my fucking life is my former boss Dave Dolan.

[209] He was a private investigator.

[210] The dude was fucking hilarious.

[211] And his cousin was Bill Down to own the comedy connection in Boston.

[212] Wow.

[213] And when I was working for him, he lost his license from drinking and driving and he needed an assistant, in quotes.

[214] Who did?

[215] Basically, I was a driver.

[216] This guy, my former boss.

[217] I thought.

[218] No, no, no, not the PI.

[219] The PI lost his license.

[220] And so I started working for him.

[221] And we'd get it, we'd have to get up at like 5 o 'clock in the morning and, like, show up at people's houses to catch them working when they were supposed to be on insurance.

[222] So you were like, you were doing like a PI assistant work?

[223] Yes.

[224] How was that not a TV show?

[225] Joe Rogan, P .I. Assistant, you know?

[226] I don't know.

[227] Maybe it could be.

[228] I'm not going to do it, though.

[229] So steal the idea.

[230] Anybody's listening.

[231] But this guy was fucking hilarious.

[232] He just had a comic's mind.

[233] He would just like start talking about.

[234] look at the scumbag.

[235] You know what the fuck he's doing.

[236] So he starts saying crazy shit.

[237] It's just narrating life.

[238] Yeah, really hilarious.

[239] I mean, I would be crying.

[240] Like, tears rolling down my eyes laughing and thinking, like, I'm the one who's a fucking comedian?

[241] And this, my boss is way funnier than me. Yeah, all the guys I grew up with are fun.

[242] I mean, like, I grew up in a, like, with funny people.

[243] Like, some of my friends are very, very funny.

[244] But they just didn't, you know, who the hell thinks to do this?

[245] Right.

[246] Do stand -up.

[247] That's what people ask me that when they say, what's the hardest thing about doing stand -of?

[248] I'm like, it's admitting you're an ass.

[249] It's like you know what I mean like you like if you walked into a party and it was full of people and they were all hanging out You were like hey quiet down everybody I got funny shit to say they'd be like who brought the asshole Then you like wait I'm not done not only do I want you to talk I want you to pay me for my thoughts and ideas Put a light on me and make my voice louder and make my voice letter and if you talk I'm gonna be an asshole about to you because it's my But it's the whole impulse to do that is very much like not only do I think I'm funny I think I can like you know and you know and then every now and then you meet a comedian who who wasn't funny when they were growing up and then you're like what were you thinking yeah the only reason I did this is because I always was like if I was good at baseball I would have been I would have tried baseball but some guys are just funny and then they just become accountants well everybody said something funny at one point in their life and one of the weird things about being a comedian is it it's it's a special skill that doesn't look like it's a special skill like if I walked up to somebody who's like you know making us making a sculpture something like that I'd be like oh wow how are you doing that?

[250] Like, what are you using?

[251] Oh, wow, what tools?

[252] Like, how you, like, how do you start it?

[253] Like, do you map it out on paper?

[254] Like, how do you do it?

[255] Like, it would be confusing to me. Right.

[256] You know, I'd want to know, like, what's the process?

[257] If I see a guy go on stage and start talking, I go, well, I can fucking do that.

[258] That guy's just standing there.

[259] Like, literally, he's not Cirque de Soleon.

[260] He's not juggling.

[261] Yeah.

[262] He doesn't have a Hulu up on his neck.

[263] He doesn't have a poodle with plates.

[264] There's no spitting fire like Gene Simmons.

[265] Yeah.

[266] Everything seems really straightforward.

[267] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[268] And so it's one of the things that's so deceptive about it.

[269] And then you, you, you watch someone who's like really good at it who's got like in the it's like well that seems so effortless yeah this guy's up there killing like this yeah but it's like it's like it's the years I always feel like the years of it or or being on stage it's like it's like you have to become as close to you as you can be in front of a group of people in bunch of strangers yeah and you're everything you know I always found in the beginning the hardest stuff about it was you don't realize like how much superhuman hearing and stuff you have when you're on stage it's all these things like you know it's like uh i'm just trying to think of the analogy it's like when like you never see like a movie where someone discovers they have superpowers but they're overwhelming like it's like that it's like you start get on stage and you hear like a fork drop in the back of the room stuff nobody else is hearing and when you're a rookie you're like hey hold out of your fork and people like what you know what you know only you hear it you know hey hey hey sneeze people like do the guy sneeze i'm not i'm watching you so it's like you learn but that that for me in the beginning was like an issue like i was i'm I remember, like, emceeing clubs and, like, thinking I was, like, being sharp, you know, and people being like, we didn't, we did not experience that same sensation you experienced.

[270] Well, learning how to relax.

[271] Yeah.

[272] Learning how to actually be yourself in front of all those people.

[273] Like, it's fascinating to me. Like, I have a buddy of mine who's thinking about doing stand -up now, and I've known him forever.

[274] And he's been, like, working on his act.

[275] How old is he?

[276] Dirty -nine, 40s.

[277] And he's going for the first time.

[278] Yeah, I mean, he's not, Tate, you know, Tate Fletcher.

[279] He's a successful actor.

[280] He does, like, a lot of movies.

[281] He's in everything.

[282] He's in John Wick.

[283] Every time I see him, he's in a movie getting shot.

[284] Yeah.

[285] He's in a ton of movies, right?

[286] If he's in John Wick, he's getting shot in the head.

[287] Yeah, yeah.

[288] I think he got stabbed, too.

[289] I don't know.

[290] He got killed in Jurassic Park.

[291] He'd get killed by dinosaurs, but he's always getting killed.

[292] But the point is, he was in Westworld.

[293] He got killed by, he killed himself with a rock.

[294] He smashed himself in the head with the rock.

[295] Oh, that guy.

[296] It's a good buddy mine.

[297] So he's been writing comedy.

[298] And I'm like, what are you doing?

[299] Like, why do this to yourself?

[300] He's like, I want to do it?

[301] I want to do it.

[302] I'm like, oh, God.

[303] And then I'm totally fascinating because the process of trying to figure out how to relax and like ready, set, go.

[304] Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Tade Flesher.

[305] And he gets up on stage.

[306] Yeah.

[307] Has he done it yet?

[308] No, he hasn't done it yet.

[309] Yeah.

[310] But it's going to be interesting to see because it's the whole process of like learning, like becoming so comfortable that you can relax while you're on stage in front of all those people.

[311] It's just so odd.

[312] That's what takes the time.

[313] It's the, it's the, uh, being comfortable.

[314] You know, it's like the Malcolm Gladwell thing, it takes 10 ,000 hours to master something.

[315] It's 10 years.

[316] It's like, you've got to be on stage a lot of hours to be yourself and be comfortable and not.

[317] And even, you know, and then when you watch yourself back, you, especially in the beginning, you don't realize you're doing stuff.

[318] I remember watching myself back early on and be like, am I touching my nose the whole time?

[319] You know what I mean?

[320] Things like that.

[321] Wait, why isn't anyone telling me I'm touching my nose, you know?

[322] And it's like, people must.

[323] I think I do coke.

[324] You know, I'm like, hey guys, but I don't do coke.

[325] They probably do think you do coke, right?

[326] Back in the day.

[327] But I never did.

[328] I've never had.

[329] But it's like those are the little nervous tixie develop and you have to learn over time.

[330] Like, it's got to be you, you know, but it's hard.

[331] How are you, you've transitioned from doing the daily show.

[332] Well, don't say transition, Joe.

[333] It's 2017.

[334] People are just now going to think that becoming, you know.

[335] Yeah, it's a weird term now.

[336] You can't, you can't say transition.

[337] Right, the term's been co -opted.

[338] You can't say transitions.

[339] I'm mid -transition, Joe.

[340] You're on your.

[341] Journey?

[342] No, can't even say that.

[343] What kind of journey?

[344] A journey of sexual journey?

[345] Sexual and experimentation.

[346] And you can't ask me about it because you're not supposed to.

[347] Right.

[348] You can't ask.

[349] You have just accept.

[350] A lot of rules.

[351] Yeah.

[352] Yeah.

[353] Well, okay.

[354] I was going to say something, but I don't need to.

[355] Transitioned from.

[356] I was going to throw somebody under the bus, but there's no need to.

[357] The, this whole journey of like going from like you started off as a comic and then you worked for the Daily Show for so long.

[358] Yeah.

[359] And you kind of miss comedy, did comedy while you were doing it.

[360] a little bit yeah like I did a half hour special when I was at the daily show but it was weak because I was putting working 95 % of my energy into the daily show yeah yeah but now you're out now you're fine well I left the daily show in like 2013 but last time I did your podcast I was I was living out here and about to go back to do the nightly show and the nightly show was I said yes to that because I didn't want to produce anymore I wanted to perform but the deal for the nightly show was I got to be on it you know so that's a Larry Wilmore show yeah so I went back At the time, it was called the Minority Report, but then it became the Nightly Show because of Fox lawsuits.

[361] Why is that?

[362] What's the lawsuit?

[363] Because remember the Minority Report, the Tom Cruise movie, which is like a Philip K. Dick book and Fox had just bought.

[364] Oh, you said Fox.

[365] I automatically think Fox News.

[366] No. Well, I associate Fox, the parent company, should change their fucking name now.

[367] You know?

[368] Yeah, you're right.

[369] Because even when you see it come up, you're like, oh, is this going to be partisan?

[370] I was working for the UFC still do, but I don't.

[371] do the Fox things anymore.

[372] And when I was doing the Fox things, they were like, oh, so you're working on Fox now?

[373] What's that like?

[374] Are they like super right wing?

[375] I'm like, that's so funny.

[376] No, it's fucking cage fighting, dude.

[377] I'm a cage fighting commentator.

[378] And yes, they are right wing.

[379] Yeah, but that's not what this.

[380] Fox didn't always used to be right wing.

[381] No. They're actually not, not everybody is right wing, but now there's a place where it's weird.

[382] I've noticed with the with Fox where it's like if somebody they like, the right likes, says something anti -Trump, Then they just want them off the network.

[383] Really?

[384] Yeah.

[385] That happened twice.

[386] Shep Smith said something about Trump.

[387] He said something recently that was really good.

[388] Yeah, but he went on a rant about him.

[389] And then people were like, that's sort of, my favorite thing that's happening right now is there's a group of people calling another group of people snowflakes for over sensitivity.

[390] Yeah.

[391] I love that term.

[392] Yeah, which I think is very funny.

[393] And I agree.

[394] There is a lot of snow.

[395] You can get in trouble right now for saying anything.

[396] And I'm sure, like just this conversation, people are mad.

[397] But there's some fucking liberal guy on Twitter that was like an all cap.

[398] Stop calling people Snowflakes.

[399] And you're like, well, now I want to do it more.

[400] It's tantamount to psychological torture for these young children.

[401] I'm like, oh, fucking Snowflake.

[402] I got into trouble with when Trump won.

[403] Because they kept showing all this footage on the news of, like, grown men crying.

[404] So I just said, like, I don't know.

[405] Maybe I'm immature.

[406] But to me, every time, if I see a grown man crying on the news, like, it's not if he's crying because his kid died.

[407] Just like, you lost the election and you're a grown man and you're crying.

[408] And so I made a joke about it, like how I think that's funny every time.

[409] People got so, oh, men can't cry.

[410] I'm like, oh, I don't know.

[411] Of course men can cry.

[412] They just can't cry over that, pussy.

[413] I don't know.

[414] It's like, people were like, oh, why is it funny?

[415] Because it's a man. I'm like, yeah, I guess because he's crying over an election and he's a man. Like, that's just, I don't know.

[416] Where I grew up, that's funny.

[417] It's still funny to me. Well, it is funny because that's not a guy who can keep it together.

[418] Okay, this is not a national disaster.

[419] It might become a national disaster.

[420] Sure, but it wasn't at the time.

[421] It's just a loss.

[422] It's certainly a moment for concern.

[423] Sure.

[424] And I get it.

[425] And then people are like, well, what if, what about, you know, gay men?

[426] And I go, yeah, I get it.

[427] A lot of people are scared.

[428] They're going to lose their rights.

[429] They're scared.

[430] I get it.

[431] But, man, I got scolded just for a grown man crying is funny to me. Not like, I'm like, I guess it's not.

[432] I don't know.

[433] There's so many people making.

[434] Well, the grown man crying is not funny.

[435] What's funny is a grown man crying when he shouldn't be crying.

[436] Yeah.

[437] That's what's funny.

[438] Absolutely.

[439] Yeah.

[440] And it's, you know, it's like, there's still an instinct.

[441] you still have like a kind of a knee -jerk instinct of thing sometimes that just makes you laugh and then if you share that feeling at the at the wrong time on trip you're immature yeah and then guilty is charge and then the flip side is uh is the right man like they're they're calling everybody snowflakes and then you say one thing that they don't want to hear and they want you all fox news talk about snowflakes yeah they're like why is chef smith he should go with megan kelly to m and the lame stream nbc and you're going aren't you doesn't that make you a snowflake now and then same thing happened with Chris Wallace.

[442] Chris Wallace did that interview with Rents Prebis, and people were like, get him out of here.

[443] Oh, really?

[444] Yeah, Chris Wallace is, you know, his dad was Mike Wallace.

[445] He's actually a journalist.

[446] Yeah.

[447] It's crazy.

[448] Well, it's a weird time when you see journalists getting excluded from press gaggles.

[449] When you get the New York Times and, uh, who else was it?

[450] It was New York Times, LA Times, and then there was another big one.

[451] Oh, CNN.

[452] CNN.

[453] CNN.

[454] Oh, CNN.

[455] What the fuck?

[456] I know.

[457] You remember when Obama was considering removing Fox News from something?

[458] because Fox News is essentially propaganda.

[459] If you listen to Sean Hannity, I've heard Sean Hannity is a wonderful man. I've heard he's a really nice guy when you meet him.

[460] But that motherfucker is spewing straight hot propaganda.

[461] He was the best point man after the grab my pussy shit came up.

[462] He was the best because he just went fucking straight to Benghazi.

[463] He went straight to the email scandal and he fucking hammered it constantly to the point where, you know, locker room talk aside.

[464] We could certainly say that was inappropriate.

[465] But let's get to the facts here.

[466] Let's get to what's important.

[467] And just bam, bam, bam, bam.

[468] Yeah, he's a big Trump ally.

[469] Oh, but he's good.

[470] He's good at what he does.

[471] Yeah, he is very good at what he does.

[472] But, I mean, when that was going on against Obama, they were like, look, why the fuck are we having these people even, why are we even pretending in their press?

[473] This is not journalism.

[474] This is a propaganda network.

[475] And everybody was like, whoa, whoa.

[476] Do you remember it was like 2009?

[477] And Obama almost had them removed.

[478] But people protested.

[479] He's like, all right, fine.

[480] Not Trump.

[481] Yep.

[482] No, he's like, not only that, I'm not even going to the press correspondence dinner.

[483] Fuck you.

[484] That to me, talk about being a pussy, dude.

[485] Like, you're scared to get, you're scared to get made fun of.

[486] That's him being scared to get made fun of.

[487] And I was thinking the whole time, like, oh, what comedian gets to do that?

[488] That's a great gig.

[489] Fuck that gig.

[490] That guy will go after you.

[491] Well, yeah, that's true.

[492] That's the problem is you make fun of that dude.

[493] And then, like, all of a sudden, like, you're getting audited.

[494] Yeah, you're right about that.

[495] More than audited, man, more than audited.

[496] They'll probably search your emails and find some incriminating shit that you might have did when you were in high school yeah but then part of me's like kind of worth it to get stand up kind of kind of kind of stand up on the stage next to trump and just be like dude come on yeah but you would definitely get mad press for doing it well you but you yeah he would he would go I don't know he doesn't handle it well do you remember when Obama was roast to him and he just sat there and he had this like dead stare at his face yeah yeah yeah I know it's it's it's a weird time man that was like when Obama said we have video of my actual birth for the first time, we're going to release this.

[497] And they go to the Lion King.

[498] Do you ever the Lion King cartoon?

[499] That was hilarious.

[500] Yeah.

[501] Obama was fucking good at that.

[502] Obama was really funny.

[503] He's a funny dude.

[504] I mean, I just, I still, to this day, I think that he's probably as far as, like, as a human being.

[505] Not as like, I hate presidential speeches, because I hate, I hate that whole political talk.

[506] I hate the way people talk.

[507] I know.

[508] Like, they're not a real person.

[509] And he is like the king of the paws, man. The big fake.

[510] It's stupid.

[511] It's like a 45 second pause.

[512] Well, I mean, he's just good at that kind of shit.

[513] And there's a thing to that.

[514] I don't particularly like that.

[515] But I get it.

[516] But I mean, as far as like being like a representative of the country, the guy was intelligent, well read, forget his policies aside.

[517] There's something about who the guy who is in charge is what it says about the rest of us.

[518] And what it says about the rest of us now is that we're a disorganized mess.

[519] And that's really what it says.

[520] Yeah.

[521] It's definitely a, I could tell you this, though, Trump is not wrong about CNN hating him.

[522] Like, he's not wrong at all.

[523] If you watch the election and everything leading up to the election, they did not like him, even though images they used of him.

[524] And they were pretty openly against him.

[525] And look, like I said, I worked at the Daily Show.

[526] I watched a lot of CNN.

[527] I watch a lot of MSNBC.

[528] There's problems.

[529] I have problems with all of those cable news.

[530] Good for you because you didn't.

[531] You should.

[532] And I really think.

[533] that like the cult of personality media thing.

[534] My biggest issue with cable news is that they're in the same rating system as like the Big Bang Theory.

[535] You know what I'm saying?

[536] That's it.

[537] And it's like they're trying to get.

[538] Ah, that's so true.

[539] No, but they're trying to get numbers, man. That's all they're trying to do.

[540] That's so true.

[541] Obviously the goal of Sean Hannity show or AC 360, any of these shows is to get people to watch so they can sell ad time so they can make money.

[542] So that's my issue with it more than.

[543] You know, they're, like, a lot of them are bad at journalism.

[544] I mean, you know, I, it's hard for me to forget things like balloon boy when, like, we're at war in, like, Afghanistan and Iraq and, like, they think a kid stuck in a weather balloon.

[545] And we have, like, seven hours of coverage of a weather balloon floating down the street with a live chopper coverage.

[546] And then it turned out the kid was hiding.

[547] The dad was a prankster.

[548] And the dad had done that before.

[549] Whatever.

[550] The point is, why did I have to watch that for four hours?

[551] You know what I'm saying?

[552] So it's like they're if a shiny thing happens they run towards the shiny thing They do they're immature they're looking for ratings.

[553] They're looking to be the first They never talk about there's like Flint Michigan Right what what's the last time like people there don't have water Still and they live in America still but the media is not talking about it Yeah they're talking right now about Kelly Conway Putting her feet on the couch Feet up shoes on that's what I want I don't know but in other words God damn White House couch bitch So it's they get they get they get they get they get Well, that's what people are mad about.

[554] They're like, that's disrespectful.

[555] Imagine if a guy was sitting like that.

[556] But you've got to imagine they scotch guarded that shit.

[557] Like, if Obama was sitting like that on their couch, do you know how many gay rumors would come out about him?

[558] If Michelle Obama was sitting like that anywhere.

[559] Oh, yeah.

[560] People would be so angry.

[561] The things people say about Michelle Obama.

[562] She has her shoes on.

[563] Oh, boy.

[564] That dirty girl.

[565] That is just un -American.

[566] Dog shit and bubble gum all over the fucking White House couch.

[567] How dare you, lady?

[568] Dog shit and bubble gum.

[569] It's a real problem with what.

[570] the news is because it's not really the news.

[571] It's an entertainment show featuring events in the news.

[572] Right.

[573] And it's, they're 100 % biased.

[574] There's no real journalism on television when it comes to TV news.

[575] PBS, I feel like this.

[576] Maybe, sort of.

[577] They're super liberal.

[578] Yeah.

[579] But they're also very boring.

[580] Yeah.

[581] In other words, they're not trying to zazzy.

[582] You know, they're like, here's what's happening.

[583] Well, that's what we need, though.

[584] You need to be able to formulate your own opinions and when you're being steered in one way or another, whether it's steered by Bill O 'Reilly or steered by someone on the left who the fuck is like a big reporter for CNN?

[585] I don't even know anybody.

[586] Anderson Cooper That's it.

[587] Wolf Blitzer!

[588] Wolf Blitzer!

[589] I saw Wolf Blitzer the other day in Vegas.

[590] I ran into him, I got intimidated.

[591] I was going to say hi, but I'm like maybe he doesn't like me. He had four hookers with him.

[592] He was walking into the Belasier.

[593] I wish he did.

[594] I'd high -five him.

[595] No, but I think he wants to smoke a joint.

[596] The only thing I will say about Fox is like their opinion guys, O 'Reilly, Hannity, they kind of have them under opinion.

[597] Yes.

[598] Right?

[599] Versus.

[600] is like Anderson Cooper is like news you know so it's like it's like but do you think Anderson I think Anderson Cooper like my take on him is clearly he's very left wing right he's a gay guy you know I mean he's uh he's but he's also a Vanderbilt oh yeah that's right and he also worked for the CIA when he was in college that I did not know you did not know yeah yeah there's a the big concern is that Anderson Cooper is embedded CIA journalist yeah that's the big CIA conspiracy theory you didn't know that no I did not know well I would imagine that once you work for the CIA you're in the fucking CIA yeah I imagine you always have a little contact yeah I have a friend who used to be in the CIA and I still consider him in the CIA you know I mean I know another guy whose dad was in the CIA is a fucking dad still in the CIA essentially you figure you got to know a couple people over at the like I don't know I don't have any CIA contacts you know it's like if you used to work there you probably have a few and this is a shitty comparison but if I left the UFC I'd still be with the UFC you know what I mean like there's there's a there's a giant bond that you've got to have with the fucking central intelligence agency yeah you know you don't fuck with those guys you don't fuck them over and if they call you answer the goddamn phone fuck yeah you did yeah I'm still like I I that's why I really got weirded out when Trump was being so hard on the intelligence he's crazy for that dude like I don't know man like all of those guys in the intelligence community like they're the reasons we're safe and when I say we're safe I live in New York City Okay.

[601] So my attitude on terrorism is if you live in New York or a city, like, you know, I always take issue with people and I travel doing stand -up and, you know, I make a joke about ISIS or something and people go, ooh, in small towns.

[602] But in big cities, they laugh.

[603] And I go, it's amazing to me that, like, people in, like, people in, like, people in Kentucky think that there's someone in a cave.

[604] Like, we've got to get to Louis.

[605] Like, it's not happening.

[606] You know what I mean?

[607] Like, so there's this weird thing that starts to happen where people are using, I keep seeing people post 9 -11, like the world trade.

[608] senders on fire, go, this is why the Muslim band makes sense.

[609] And I'm going, like, I was there, man. Like, you can't just, you don't get to use that.

[610] Like, you, like, there's something very odd to me about about, like, everyone hates New York, not everyone, but, like, real America doesn't consider New York real, but the terrorist attacks there were, like, it's a very odd thing that's happened in the country.

[611] I know what you're saying.

[612] And it feels like divided in the sense of, like, we hate everything you guys are about, but we'll use that thing that impacted your lives as a way to gain our, make our point.

[613] That's hilarious what you're saying because you're saying, we hate everything you're about.

[614] That sounds just like the terrorists.

[615] Right.

[616] That's true.

[617] So if you're talking about someone from like, you know, a very conservative part of the country saying we hate New York because New York is the liberal elite.

[618] And then you say, oh, the terrorists hate New York too.

[619] You should be on the side of the terrorists, you fuck.

[620] Yeah, that's a good point.

[621] I mean, it's kind of weird, right?

[622] It is weird.

[623] And there's a weird thing happening right now.

[624] But I do feel like the country is divided to a point of, like I don't know I gotta be honest man it's not it doesn't see on the internet it's bad I got my I got my news a lot from the daily show when I would watch the daily show and I would see I feel like John Stewart is obviously a very left -leaning guy but he's also a very smart guy and a very funny guy and when he would talk about like events in the news and mock them and show clips and mock the clips that to me is a way better version of what I would get like I can discern what's a joke.

[625] I can discern how he's making fun.

[626] But then I will also get the actual information of these events from him as well.

[627] That to me is a way better version of news entertainment than what fucking CNN is doing.

[628] Because what CNN is doing is having what are essentially actors, like really boring people that are reading some stupid shit off a teleprompter.

[629] Like you take fucking Anderson Cooper away from the news.

[630] Who was Anderson Cooper?

[631] Are you interesting, dude?

[632] You know, let's have him talk.

[633] Have him give a speech somewhere.

[634] Have him talk to people.

[635] Have him do a stand -up routine.

[636] He's boring as shit, I bet.

[637] You know what I'm saying?

[638] I mean, if you're watching an entertainer give you the news, which is essentially what CNN's doing.

[639] Right.

[640] Fucking John Stewart should be on CNN.

[641] Yeah, but then he'd have to, like, go to work every day.

[642] He didn't want to do that.

[643] Right.

[644] Is that what his deal is?

[645] He doesn't want to work anymore?

[646] No, I mean, he doesn't want.

[647] The Daily Show, after so many years, I mean, I was there for a long.

[648] I talked to John a lot.

[649] I think a lot of it is just the feeling of like, you know, you know, You know, doing a talk show four nights a week every day and calling through all that news.

[650] Like, we were giving people the little golden nuggets that happened throughout the day.

[651] But, like, we had to watch it.

[652] Like, you know, we were absorbing a lot of, like, radiation from all that stuff over the years.

[653] And, like, you know, the closer you are to the radiation, the more, you know, your hair gets gray and your soul hurts after a while.

[654] And I think for John, I mean, I think him leaving when he left was a good way to do it.

[655] Did he just make a bunch of money and say, that's it?

[656] No, it wasn't even the money.

[657] I think it was just he felt like.

[658] And he said it on the last show.

[659] I wasn't there for the, I mean, I'd stop working there before he retired.

[660] But I think he just got to a point where he said, like, I'm not doing this at the level I could do it at anymore.

[661] Therefore, someone else should do it.

[662] Like, I'm, he was, he was just kind of, he did it, you know.

[663] And I think if he waited through this election, which people were like, I wish he was to line.

[664] It's like, yeah, but now Trump would be in.

[665] And then everyone would be like, you can't quit now.

[666] You know, like he'd be stuck in it forever, you know?

[667] And I think he just wanted to walk away like on the top, you know, like the way, you know, like a retirement.

[668] tire after a Super Bowl win kind of a thing, you know.

[669] People forget that he wasn't the original host.

[670] Isn't that fascinating?

[671] Yeah, Kilbourne was.

[672] Yeah.

[673] What happened to that guy?

[674] I don't know.

[675] I never worked there with Kilburn.

[676] I started like six months after John Stewart started.

[677] And so I've heard a lot of like funny Kilbourne stories.

[678] Like he was a good dude and he was a really funny guy, but like definitely much more of a read the teleprompter.

[679] Yeah.

[680] Read what they put in the prompter kind of, you know, Ron Burgundy style.

[681] Go fuck you so San Diego.

[682] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[683] Great job on the floor, everybody.

[684] John, when John came on, and he was, like, really a writer, producer, mind, there was definitely, like, a sea change at the show of, like, the writers, the original writers going, like, what they don't, hey, buddy, don't ruin our little show.

[685] And he was like, I don't know if you understand how this is going to work.

[686] You know, there was a little bit.

[687] Oh, there was like a clash?

[688] A little bit, a little bit.

[689] What was their vision that he was just going to read whatever they wrote?

[690] Yeah.

[691] Period.

[692] Yeah, I think so.

[693] But he's a really funny comic.

[694] Why wouldn't they want him to contribute and make it funnier?

[695] I don't know.

[696] I mean, it worked out in his favor.

[697] I think his contributions ended up making the show pretty damn good.

[698] Obviously, yeah.

[699] But egos are a motherfucker, man. It's always an odd thing.

[700] Yeah, comedy writers are, like you said, there's definitely a thing with comedy writers where it's, we have this special, unique skill.

[701] And it is a skill, and it's hard.

[702] I've done it.

[703] I do it.

[704] Like, it's hard.

[705] But, you know, a lot of people are funny.

[706] You know, the Internet to me taught me that.

[707] Like, the Internet was when it really became the Internet the last 10 years.

[708] Like, oh, yeah.

[709] Like, there's just some funny dudes who live in the middle of nowhere, and they're as funny as anyone I've ever met.

[710] And they just never had access to this.

[711] They never had access to L .A. or TV or even knew how to, in the wildest dreams, how do you get into this business?

[712] It doesn't seem like...

[713] We don't have to anymore.

[714] Yeah.

[715] The whole idea is just to get your message out or get your comedy out, and you could just do that on Instagram now.

[716] Yep.

[717] I was super lucky in that I was on a really unusual sitcom in news radio, and not unusual in that it was funny, but unusual.

[718] in that Paul Sims, who is the executive producers, he had almost zero ego.

[719] And so if Dave Foley came up with a funnier line or Stephen Root came up with a funnier line, he's like, oh yeah, go with that.

[720] Like instantaneously would drop whatever the old line was and go with their line.

[721] So my whole take on comedy on television was poisoned, like early on by their generosity and lack of ego.

[722] So like when we would do that show, like Dave Foley would rewrite whole fucking scenes when we would do run through.

[723] Genius.

[724] Genius.

[725] Secret producer of that show in a lot of ways.

[726] But they wanted him to do it.

[727] They're like, let's just make the best show we can.

[728] And everybody would contribute.

[729] So there was never any, so I would do other things.

[730] And when I would do other things, and when someone would have a better line and the writer's got, eh, let's stick with the first one.

[731] I'm like, that line's way better.

[732] I'm like, what the fuck's going on here?

[733] Like, you don't want to try that line?

[734] Yeah.

[735] I was like, oh, there's some weird ego shit going on here where the writers didn't want to be replaced by some stand -up comic who was on it, you know, that, you know, like some David Spade type character or whatever.

[736] They've been rendered irrelevant at that point.

[737] Nobody wants somebody else to come in and do the thing they think that they need to be doing.

[738] Well, they want to protect their existence.

[739] But yeah, I mean, every show, like for me at the Daily Show and then the Nightly Show, you know, I was running.

[740] I mean, I didn't start running the Daily Show.

[741] I started as a PA, but, like, ultimately, I ended up being the executive producer before I left.

[742] And same with the Nightly Show.

[743] My attitude with all of those shows was all I cared about was the show being as good as it could be.

[744] I don't care, I didn't really care where the idea came from.

[745] Where the goal was every night the best show possible.

[746] Now, what was your experience to in the night in the show?

[747] How long did you do it for?

[748] We did it.

[749] We were on the air for a year and a half.

[750] My experience there was awesome.

[751] I loved the people.

[752] What happened to the show?

[753] Why did it not work?

[754] I mean, I think it didn't work because, well, there's a lot of reasons I think it didn't work.

[755] But mainly, it takes a talk show a while to figure out what it is.

[756] Right.

[757] And so if you watch the last six months of the show, we really, like, started nailing it.

[758] Like, we really had something special.

[759] and we figured it out like we got the groove down we figured out what the what the acts were what the kind of stories we were tackling and it takes that long but in figuring that out you know John Stewart left the Daily show so our lead -in and you know there's another new Trevor but our lead in was now a new host of the show so I think the audience gave us a chance which any audience would when we first aired and the show wasn't quite there yet as no show is but they gave us a chance and then when John left I think they had already given us our chance so by the time we found the show like meaning within the show but the time we made it good and really figured out what it was the audience was like now we already tried that show we didn't like it and we're like oh no come back now and try it because it's better now you know was it a ratings issue yeah ratings uh ratings for both shows I mean late night's tough right now man and also don't forget like the nightly show was on 1130 it replaced Colbert but Colbert didn't go anywhere he just went to a bigger show at 1130 So now you have like an unknown dude Larry Wilmore who's amazing, but he was - What does he do?

[760] Now he's just a - No, what does he do?

[761] Is he a comic?

[762] Larry was a producer.

[763] He was a comic originally and a producer.

[764] He created the Bernie Mac show.

[765] He created, he's been producing and writing television.

[766] Like every show you've ever liked, he's behind, you know.

[767] So how did he get behind the camera?

[768] Because he was on the daily show.

[769] He was our senior black correspondent.

[770] Oh, okay.

[771] So he would come in like once a month and do like a thing about.

[772] about racial issues in America.

[773] I see.

[774] And then John, Stuart really wanted to do a show about race because, you know, Ferguson was going on, all that stuff was happening.

[775] So he wanted to do a show that was more of a conversation about race, minority report.

[776] Larry said, and when John called me, I was like, oh, that sounds funny.

[777] He goes, and I want you to be the token white guy.

[778] You know what I mean?

[779] Like, meaning I could be the, like, dude on the panel who's, you know, either playing the defensive role or the aggressive role in talking about some of this stuff.

[780] But it ended up being a lot more of a daily show.

[781] kind of show.

[782] Like we had like much more of an act one footage news.

[783] We did a lot of sketches like for me it was a great experience.

[784] I got like I have a reel now you know and my real it's on my website.

[785] It's like me I was wearing mustaches.

[786] I was doing accents like I was playing we started to infuse what for me was my dream of comedy which was the daily show topics with the Conan O 'Brien absurdity.

[787] So we would do stuff like like one of my favorites was when that San Bernardino shooting happened.

[788] And they were trying to get in that guy's phone.

[789] Larry noticed everyone in the news was going, we got to get backdoor access, backdoor access, backdoor access, backdoor access.

[790] So we did a bit where I was a backdoor access expert, you know, and it was like just a creepy dude in a basement with like a mustache and like a mesh shirt.

[791] And I was like, yeah, baby, you want to get in the back door, Larry?

[792] You can't come at it so hard, you know?

[793] And those kind of things.

[794] So we were talking about real issues and then playing it with like sketch.

[795] So it really got funny and good.

[796] But I think by the time it got funny and good, Comedy Central was like, We got other problems.

[797] Are you happier now just doing stand -up?

[798] Yeah.

[799] Now, when I ran it to you in Denver, which was a fucking fun night.

[800] That was fun, man. That was a fun night.

[801] Rory was there the night that Chappelle showed up at my late show on Friday night.

[802] And by the way, I was watching you.

[803] So it's like because I knew we were going to go out afterwards and have some drinks and chat.

[804] And then Chappelle came in.

[805] And at the comedy cellar in New York, Chappelle comes in a lot.

[806] But when he comes in a cellar, it's like, well, he'll be on stage for seven hours.

[807] You know what I mean?

[808] Really?

[809] Oh, yeah, he'll go on stage sometimes for like five hours.

[810] and um five hours five hours yeah like like regularly not regularly but it happens like to the point where like some dude in the back is sweeping up you know what i mean that's crazy yeah he's just on stage smoking butts doing his stuff but uh so when he first got on stage i'm like oh no i looked at my girlfriend i go we're never going out with joe tonight i'm like we're going to be watching chapels of seven in the morning you know but he did you know he did this like what 20 minutes or something it was cool yeah he didn't do that much time it was the end of the show you know it was late i guess maybe you would assume that denver people don't have the stamina that new york city people have Yeah, I think so.

[811] When he does five hours, how many people are still there after five hours?

[812] I'm never there, so I couldn't tell you.

[813] I have to leave after, like, an hour.

[814] Oh, wow.

[815] You know, people will stay through the whole thing, but, like, not everybody, you know.

[816] It's so weird.

[817] Yeah.

[818] But he's, I mean, he's, I don't know, I could watch Chappelle forever.

[819] Like, he's such a good dude, too.

[820] But he definitely, like, I've never really hung out with him.

[821] I've talked to him a bunch, but never hung out with him.

[822] And everyone's like, dude, hanging out with Chappelle's the best.

[823] And that night I was like, I don't think he likes me very much.

[824] Why is that?

[825] I don't know.

[826] We were just hanging out You didn't think you liked to When we all went out?

[827] Yeah, no, I didn't You know, it was one of those things Where I'm like, every time I said Like he definitely liked my girlfriend You know what I mean?

[828] Like he was talking to her?

[829] No, not like it aggressive way I just meant like he was definitely like I was like so you ever really have that Where you can't get a rhythm with someone I was like I would be talking to him And I'd be like All right well that that story's not gonna fly Like I had that Like I couldn't get like That's weird That's your perception That's interesting Yeah but my perception I didn't see that at all Speaking that nobody ever likes me I'm one of those dudes See, my perception was, it was a fun night.

[830] Yeah, it was fun.

[831] We went bar hop.

[832] We went to these, I've been to Denver.

[833] That's speakeasy.

[834] It was crazy.

[835] We went to these places that you'd go down an alleyway, you pass a dumpster, you go through an unmarked door, and we're in this weird secret bar.

[836] And I'm like, what is this bar, man?

[837] You know what it reminded me of?

[838] It was like, that scene in Goodfellas.

[839] Yeah.

[840] He's like, you want some dresses, Karen?

[841] She's like, no, I'm okay, Jimmy.

[842] You know what I'm okay, Jimmy?

[843] You know what I'm okay, Jimmy.

[844] And then she just drives away.

[845] That's what it was.

[846] Everyone was like, yeah.

[847] there's a bar just keep going and make a left we're like down this alley yeah the hackles in the back of my neck were up I'm like I'm like that kind of a fucking run UFC legend Joe Rogan or I'm not going to this bar I was gonna run dude you'd be stuck I'm not thinking of fight to anybody I'm thinking of running and leaving you guys behind that's so funny yeah it was cool though it was fun we got kicked out of two places for smoking weed two different places they told us couldn't smoke weed is dable just spark up a joint in a regular place table just light up a cigarette in a restaurant like he just doesn't give a shit That is, that's a weird thing that, just like a, he's like missing, I don't give a fuck.

[848] He's like, he's got a gene, like, and I don't give a fuck gene.

[849] He's like missing a give a fuck.

[850] I know.

[851] It's not there.

[852] And, you know, the best comics to me are the ones who don't give a fuck.

[853] Yeah.

[854] And that dude, triple doesn't give a fuck.

[855] Yeah.

[856] So, like, that's why he's so good on stage, because he really doesn't give a shit.

[857] We were out till, like, well after 4 o 'clock in the morning.

[858] In Denver.

[859] We went to some place.

[860] There was a DJ.

[861] and the DJ starts playing and there's like literally like 10 of us in this bar like how is this place staying open?

[862] It's like they were just happy to have Chappelle there.

[863] I think Chappelle even went up to the DJ and was like and then plugged in his music.

[864] He was like I got this.

[865] Yeah.

[866] The G. Jay, yeah, he plugged in his phone.

[867] Whatever you said Mr. Chappelle?

[868] Yeah, it was fucking, it was such a trip.

[869] Well, Dave brings these two huge they're like, you know those Bluetooth speakers, the JVC Bluetooth speakers?

[870] He's got these...

[871] He boom boxes them.

[872] Yeah.

[873] He brings two of them.

[874] They're huge.

[875] They're like the size of...

[876] Bigger than a football, right?

[877] So he brings two of them and they're synced together.

[878] So one's left and one's right.

[879] And he'll put him on opposite ends of his green room and Blair music.

[880] And I was asking him about it.

[881] I go, why do you carry these fucking things around?

[882] He goes, Joe, my only socializing I do is in green rooms.

[883] It's like the only socializing.

[884] That's the only time I hang out with people.

[885] I go, what do you do others?

[886] I'm by myself.

[887] I live in Dayton, Ohio.

[888] He lives in the middle of...

[889] nowhere and on a fucking farm.

[890] On a farm.

[891] What a cool dude though.

[892] He's hilarious.

[893] He's a really unique guy in a lot of ways.

[894] He's also just, it's very impressive to see somebody who's that kind of legendary at stand -up and walk into a place and people are like, oh, shit.

[895] Even whatever level comic is like, oh, shit, Chappelle's here.

[896] And then him also just be cool.

[897] Like, in other words, he doesn't have to be cool.

[898] Yeah, well, he's not aloof at all.

[899] He's super friendly Yep But I think he definitely has Like a little bit of a wall up for guys like you Yeah That's why when you came up to him You're like hey what's going on buddy He's like oh man Another one Another dude who wants my phone number Yeah and I'm like Yeah exactly And I'm like I definitely don't want your phone number We're just gonna be getting hammered together And I might as well talk a little bit Yeah Yeah we we pulled it out Until like I left him there I left there like 430 or something Yeah I left like 4 430 Yeah I was like I gotta go sleep man Denver is Denver is a fun town But I did you know I did I did a show before you.

[900] I was there at Thursday.

[901] I did the show Thursday.

[902] And then they did it because I was showcasing my hour.

[903] So they made, they created a show before your show.

[904] So I did my hour at like six o 'clock or something like early.

[905] Like they made an early show which they had never done.

[906] And I was like, I'm like, I got a showcase for somebody at like six o 'clock.

[907] But man, that club comedy works.

[908] They had the room was full.

[909] It was like six o 'clock.

[910] I like killed.

[911] I couldn't even believe it.

[912] I was like, this is going to be like a lunchtime show.

[913] It's going to be brutal.

[914] Nope.

[915] Filled it up.

[916] everyone came I've never I've never been more impressed with a comedy club in my life than people being able to pull off a show early and good and then and then you had two shows after but you got to meet Wendy the owner of the comedy works she's awesome she's the reason why there's a scene in Denver I mean she is the scene and she literally is responsible for that play that's the only that's why I worked that club the last time I was there I sold out the belco it's like 6 ,000 people but I still work her club it's just like I I can't not support that place.

[917] That place is fantastic.

[918] It's so important, too, because she brings people up from open micer to hosting to middling to headlining.

[919] Like, she has, like, local headlines.

[920] Yeah, she has, like, a farm team.

[921] A real farm team, man. She's really legit.

[922] And there's a community in Denver.

[923] Like, there's legit professional comics that work in and around Denver.

[924] She'll have local headliners, headline for the week, and they'll pack the place.

[925] Yeah.

[926] She's got a great system, man. I mean, she's just, man, she's just really put it together.

[927] And they're all top -quality stand -ups.

[928] Like, there's no hacks, there's no, there's no bullshit.

[929] She doesn't tolerate thieves or any bullshit.

[930] Yeah, club owners who really curate and pay attention to their club always have the best clubs.

[931] It's just, you know, that's one of the reasons the comedy seller is so amazing.

[932] Like, Esty who runs it, like, she curates it.

[933] Like, she's not like, even if you get past there, like, that doesn't mean you're working there all the time.

[934] Like, she's always got an eye at.

[935] Everyone's, like, you have to be consistently good there to stay.

[936] Yeah.

[937] And I've seen guys come and go at that place.

[938] like, that place sometimes will drive a comic crazy, like, because they're so excited to be in, and then they, like, panic, should I sit at the table, should not sit at the, you know, I've seen, yeah, and then they're, like, every time I come in, they're, like, three tables further away.

[939] I'm like, you're getting further from the table, and then they're at Mahmood's the falafel place next door.

[940] I'm like, you're not going to be working there anymore, right?

[941] Like, that place, you know, drives people a little, can drive you a little crazy, because you want to succeed there and you want to be a part of it, and you want to be accepted, you know, And my first year or so in that place, I was like that for sure.

[942] You know, before I was like, okay, like I'm working now.

[943] Well, in the 1980s, there was a bunch of communities all over the country.

[944] San Francisco had a community.

[945] Boston had a big community.

[946] New York, of course, in L .A., have always had communities.

[947] Texas had a community.

[948] It's a big community in Houston.

[949] It was huge.

[950] Austin's always had a community.

[951] Yeah, Austin's got a good scene.

[952] But, you know, there's been a few things that have happened that are good and bad.

[953] The good thing is, like, these improvs have opened up everywhere.

[954] And so you get that improv experience.

[955] everywhere you go.

[956] You get these big clubs that are packed.

[957] Everyone's super professional.

[958] The shows are packed.

[959] Everything's great.

[960] The food's great.

[961] The drinks are great.

[962] Service is great.

[963] But they don't have that sort of Zanies and Nashville feel.

[964] You know what I mean?

[965] I just did Zany, Chicago a week ago, and I'm going to Nashville, like, in the spring.

[966] Same sort of vibe.

[967] I love.

[968] That's one of my...

[969] Zanis Chicago is like, I just, because it's like an old, gritty club.

[970] Headshots everywhere.

[971] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[972] Well, the headshots are like half the people are dead.

[973] You know, you look around and like, Richard Jenny.

[974] Oh, this guy, that guy, you know?

[975] But those clubs, they have, like, there's a more organic sort of, what's the word, craft beer sort of feel to them.

[976] They feel, like, more authentic in some sort of a weird way.

[977] Like, I love working at the improvs.

[978] Don't get me wrong.

[979] But there's something about those improvs that, like, Houston used to have, like, a big scene.

[980] They used to have the laugh stop in River Oaks.

[981] It was a huge scene.

[982] Kinnison started out there.

[983] Bill Hicks was there.

[984] All those guys were there.

[985] Like, Hicks did one of his early DVDs.

[986] at the laugh stop and then it became the improv was in town the laugh stop went under they moved locations and they went under and then the improv opened up and then it was like a headliner club where you know like Tracy Morgan would be there or this guy would be there but it would always be big name comedians and that was it and so like the local scenes sort of dwindled I've heard it sort of started making a comeback but but the I'm trying to think when you're saying like because I feel like I'm doing oh no I'm doing laugh out loud in San Antonio so I have a different been there.

[987] Yeah.

[988] So you're touring everywhere now.

[989] Yeah, well, yeah, I'm hopefully taping an hour in the spring, so yeah.

[990] For who?

[991] Um, I don't, um, I don't know if I'm like a lot to say or not yet, because it's not official.

[992] I don't know because it's, I mean, it's a, it's a, it's, well, here's the thing.

[993] I know what you're saying.

[994] It's, with, with a, you know how this business works.

[995] Like, until I see it on the thing, like, until I'm in it, like, I don't believe I have anything until I have it.

[996] Until you sign.

[997] Well, yeah, we're even just like, once it's, like, taped and I'm, I'm, I go, everyone turn on, blah, blah, blah, I'm on.

[998] You know, this business always feels like you're one head of a network getting fired away from not having the thing you thought you're going to have.

[999] So I was just like trying to be very not only superstitious, but just like, you know, but it looks like one way or the other I'll be, you know, taping my hour in the spring.

[1000] But yeah, so I'm just on the road.

[1001] That's what I mean, when the nightly show ended, I was bummed.

[1002] Obviously, I wanted the show to me on for 10 years or 20 for everybody who worked there.

[1003] But personally speaking, my goal with the nightly show was never to stay there as the executive producer forever.

[1004] My goal was to launch it, get it going, sort of, you know, teach everyone how to do it because it was the daily show model that we were you know and i know how to do that very well and then my hope was i would just be on the show and like slowly relinquish my authority of like running it to other people so i could work from like noon to three and then just do stand up that was a goal a three hour work day three hour work day and being on you know but uh but not my that wasn't my goal yet my goal was to get the show successful before i did that right so when it got canceled i was you know i was pretty bummed and i was pretty disappointed i put a lot of time into it, but, you know, for me, it was like, all right, well, I want to go on the road anyway, and I had my whole fall booked, so I didn't really know how I was going to manage both anyway, so I was like, all right, well, there you go.

[1005] And I got my reel, I got my on camera reel, which to me is just the thing you need to say, when you're pitching something to somebody, they go, what, are you going to be in this?

[1006] Have you ever been on TV?

[1007] Like, yeah, no, I've got, like, you just need proof of your ability to do it, and I got that, you know?

[1008] Well, that's the fucked up thing about doing anything on a network, because you have to get someone to agree, agree to use you, agree to this, agree to that.

[1009] these people that aren't the creative people, but they have the money.

[1010] Yep.

[1011] And they're the ones you have to talk to about it.

[1012] You know, well, well, we've got this idea.

[1013] Well, let me see your idea.

[1014] Should I give you a money?

[1015] Yeah.

[1016] Maybe I should give you the coveted 8 p .m. slot.

[1017] Maybe not.

[1018] Yep.

[1019] I don't know.

[1020] Kiss my ass.

[1021] Yeah.

[1022] And they're and there and there and that, but that gatekeeper model is is dying.

[1023] It's over.

[1024] Yeah.

[1025] It's over.

[1026] And what all you need now is a room with a camera.

[1027] I mean, it's literally all you need is the space to film whatever you're filming.

[1028] The, the budget to, uh, afford cameras.

[1029] and the ability to stream and upload things.

[1030] Yeah, you just need a little venture capital.

[1031] I mean, I just did this thing.

[1032] You don't even need a venture capital.

[1033] No, I mean, you just need somebody to give you like a hundred grand, unless you have it.

[1034] You need a hundred grand?

[1035] Do what?

[1036] Well, I'm just saying, depending on what you're looking to shoot, you know.

[1037] Oh, okay.

[1038] But I'm saying if you want, like, a sag after a level thing with, like, good camera guys.

[1039] Or you have a bunch of your friends and you write it and you use a fucking camera like one of these things.

[1040] Yeah.

[1041] Then you don't need anything.

[1042] I just feel like this is a strange time when it comes to that stuff.

[1043] Yeah.

[1044] Like, there's a lot of people that are still treating it as if it's like you're filming.

[1045] some movie or some television show with the big budget I also find too like the digital spaces now or being taken over by the old guard oh in other words all of a sudden like if you you know you want to pitch something to like see -so right it's like well it's a branch of NBC so NBC business affairs has to get you know like and you're like well now now I'm right back to where I started why we're just pitching this to NBC but they're doing a lot of stand -up specials yeah they are specials for guys like Stanhope and Joey Diaz and and and and and And people that are, who else just did one recently?

[1046] Who just, someone was just on that had a CSO special?

[1047] Who fuck was it?

[1048] I don't know.

[1049] God damn it.

[1050] Jamie.

[1051] Somebody had one.

[1052] Jesus Christ, I can't remember.

[1053] That's too fast.

[1054] All right, whatever.

[1055] There's too many people.

[1056] Yeah, there's a lot of comics.

[1057] But they're doing a lot of good stand -up comedy specials on CSO.

[1058] Yeah, that's great.

[1059] And it's great that that exists.

[1060] Nick DePaolo?

[1061] Nick DePaolo.

[1062] That's right.

[1063] All right, I love Nick DePaul.

[1064] Glad I remember that.

[1065] Yeah.

[1066] Nix has just came out on CSO.

[1067] And C -So, you know, I mean, that's, it is a branch of end.

[1068] BC, but they're uncensored, and they're doing great stuff, you know.

[1069] I just think that, well, here's a crazy statistic that I just read yesterday, ready for this.

[1070] Netflix takes up one -third of the bandwidth of the United States of America.

[1071] One -third.

[1072] Of all of the internet bandwidth?

[1073] One -third of the bandwidth that's being used, the United States of America is through Netflix.

[1074] Wow.

[1075] Wow.

[1076] Holy shit.

[1077] That's insane.

[1078] That's so crazy.

[1079] What's the other third?

[1080] Like, porn hub?

[1081] It's all two -thirds porn.

[1082] Yeah.

[1083] And there's, like, one, BuzzFeed.

[1084] Is BuzzFeed dead?

[1085] Is that the one that got killed by Hulk Hogan?

[1086] No, that's...

[1087] Gawker.

[1088] Okay, Gawker.

[1089] Gawker.

[1090] That's dead.

[1091] Killed by Hulk Hogan.

[1092] I forget which one...

[1093] Which one of those salacious sites?

[1094] That's so funny.

[1095] Yeah, well, that's it.

[1096] I mean, it's like those sites.

[1097] Like, TMZ is probably like one -Ave.

[1098] Yeah.

[1099] TMZ, man. Juggernauts.

[1100] Yeah, all those news stations and, you know, YouTube's probably a big chunk, too.

[1101] Facebook, too.

[1102] People love Facebook, man. A third, man, a third of the internet.

[1103] That's nuts.

[1104] Like if you looked at a pie of the internet, one third is Netflix.

[1105] That's crazy.

[1106] But a lot of it's got to be because you're streaming video.

[1107] In other words, that takes up a lot of bandwidth.

[1108] Oh, yeah.

[1109] So it's not necessarily that that many people are using Netflix.

[1110] It's just that the stuff that they're using on Netflix is that thick.

[1111] For sure.

[1112] It's definitely both.

[1113] I mean, it's definitely a lot of people, but it is definitely, I mean, it's growing constantly.

[1114] Netflix is a goddamn snowball rolling down the mountain side.

[1115] Netflix has completely revolutionized and re -reducing.

[1116] invigorated this whole entertainment industry.

[1117] I mean, I went and met with those guys why I was out here because I've been out here for like a month.

[1118] And you want to talk about the difference of you take a meeting at like a Viacom type place versus like a Netflix type place.

[1119] Like Netflix, it's like, they just moved there in a new office building.

[1120] Like they're like, you want to water?

[1121] You're like, sure, you go in the back.

[1122] It's like, what kind of water do you want?

[1123] They got like snacks everywhere.

[1124] Like people are like Pogo sticking around.

[1125] Like everyone's so happy.

[1126] You know?

[1127] Like it's just, it's like the building is new.

[1128] There's like a valet in front.

[1129] He's like, free of charge.

[1130] I'll park and car.

[1131] I'm like, thank you, Mr. Netflix.

[1132] Like, everything about it is so nice.

[1133] Everybody's so nice.

[1134] Everyone's in a good mood.

[1135] You know?

[1136] You gotta think they have...

[1137] I want to have like MTV for a meeting.

[1138] They were like, get us, help us.

[1139] Help us.

[1140] We're dying.

[1141] We don't know what to do.

[1142] Yeah.

[1143] Um, they have $9 a month is what it costs, right?

[1144] And how many millions of people do they have on Netflix now?

[1145] I heard something.

[1146] 93 million people today is what I heard on the way in here.

[1147] So 93 million people, what is that, right?

[1148] But what is that mathematically?

[1149] It's close to $900 million a month.

[1150] It's close to a billion dollars a month.

[1151] It's in the neighborhood.

[1152] It's closing in on a billion dollars a month.

[1153] That's nuts, dude.

[1154] That's hilarious.

[1155] That's nuts.

[1156] That's so much money.

[1157] That's just printing money.

[1158] I did my first comedy special on Netflix in 2005.

[1159] That was my very first special.

[1160] It was on Netflix.

[1161] Getting a comedy special on Netflix now is near impossible.

[1162] Is it?

[1163] The Chappelle and Chris Rock and they, you know.

[1164] I just didn't.

[1165] Yeah, but I'm saying, but you're famous.

[1166] But I mean, I think they're doing some.

[1167] I mean, but they buy some, too.

[1168] Look, if you do one and then you could sell it to them.

[1169] Like, they bought Tony Hinchcliffs last year.

[1170] I know, but now it's, now that it's harder now.

[1171] It's a bit harder now.

[1172] Yeah, and again, for me, I mean, I think you probably have to have a bigger name.

[1173] Here's a trailer for the new Will Smith movie, Netflix reportedly paid $90 million for.

[1174] Run that shit.

[1175] Let's see it.

[1176] Can we play it?

[1177] No, we can't play it.

[1178] What'll happen?

[1179] They'll kick us off.

[1180] They'll kick us off, but you can watch it.

[1181] Well, they kick us off YouTube?

[1182] Yeah, because it's their trailer.

[1183] They just put it up.

[1184] Can I call somebody?

[1185] I'm like, come on, guys.

[1186] I'm one of you.

[1187] I'm trying to hook you guys up.

[1188] But he has a sword.

[1189] But I'm trying to hook them up.

[1190] That's exciting.

[1191] This seems like a movie you like Joe.

[1192] I like all Wilson's movies, except for the one where he's the homeless guy with his son.

[1193] I couldn't watch that.

[1194] What about the one?

[1195] I have kids.

[1196] What about the Scientology one?

[1197] What was that one?

[1198] What's that one where...

[1199] He has a Scientology movie?

[1200] Yeah, it's an Elron Hubbard book.

[1201] Come on.

[1202] No, no, no, no. No, it's like a space, him and his son are stuck on a planet.

[1203] Oh, it just came out.

[1204] That's El Ron Hubbard's, probably?

[1205] I think that's their, that's his, like, remember when Travolta did a...

[1206] Battleship Earth?

[1207] Battleship Earth.

[1208] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1209] And he's like, the human animals.

[1210] That's also an El Ron Hubbard book.

[1211] So this is, uh, the, the, we're watching this right now, Will Smith.

[1212] It plays a cop in LA and there's orcs.

[1213] It's like a futuristic side.

[1214] Oh, wow.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] This looks dope.

[1217] There's got a sword in the future.

[1218] There's orcs?

[1219] That's an orc.

[1220] I'm assuming this doesn't end well.

[1221] David Ayer directed it, the guy that did Suicide Squad and Training Day.

[1222] Ooh, this looks good.

[1223] When is that coming out?

[1224] December.

[1225] God damn it.

[1226] Why you make me wait to December?

[1227] December's a year from now, you fucks.

[1228] It's goddamn February.

[1229] That's not cool.

[1230] This is bullshit.

[1231] Yeah, he said, well, Smith said he always, he, it's sci -fi was always the genre he liked to do because those were the highest grossing movies every time.

[1232] I am legend?

[1233] Yeah.

[1234] Come on.

[1235] Legend's a great flick.

[1236] It's a great flick.

[1237] Anytime it's a dude and like a German show.

[1238] Shepherd alone.

[1239] I'm like, this is good.

[1240] I think they should go over I Am Legend, though, and redo some of those scenes.

[1241] Like the ones with the lions in New York City, like, come on.

[1242] Those lions look so fucking fake.

[1243] Yeah.

[1244] Well, you know, the CGI wasn't where it needed to be.

[1245] I know.

[1246] Reddo it.

[1247] Just redo it and don't tell anybody.

[1248] After Earth.

[1249] After Earth.

[1250] I'm pretty sure After Earth is an Elron Hubbard book.

[1251] Is that him and his son?

[1252] Is that the deal?

[1253] Mm -hmm.

[1254] Okay.

[1255] Find out it.

[1256] Jaden seems completely insane.

[1257] I don't think it's good to grow up famous.

[1258] Willow Smith has a new song that's out then.

[1259] I'm not going to It's a good tune.

[1260] Well, that's not good.

[1261] How old is she?

[1262] Oh, for sure.

[1263] Don't release your kids' music until they're 21.

[1264] Oh, who wrote the movie?

[1265] It's a Shamelon flick, and it wasn't good?

[1266] Directed and wrote by Sharmelon.

[1267] Oh, okay.

[1268] Same thing.

[1269] They're both fucking hooksters.

[1270] Here's the twist on this one.

[1271] It wasn't good.

[1272] M. Night Shama 'Lan.

[1273] It was unwatchable.

[1274] He made one good movie and then fucked us all repeatedly.

[1275] And they can't stop giving them movies to me. Like, you, how many fucking chances do you get?

[1276] How is the new one supposed to be split personality one?

[1277] This is supposed to be any good?

[1278] I don't know.

[1279] Pretty good.

[1280] Did you see it?

[1281] Yeah.

[1282] Okay.

[1283] Well, did you see the one where Marky, Mark, gets chased by the wind?

[1284] I think it was plants that were trying to kill him.

[1285] I thought it was the wind.

[1286] Might be bald.

[1287] It's one of the greatest bad movies I've ever seen in my life.

[1288] It's just, it's just Mark Wahlberg running around.

[1289] He's like, ah, get in the fucking house, you know?

[1290] It's a fucking house.

[1291] The wind's trying to kill us here.

[1292] He looks like a branch blow.

[1293] is like, I've got a fucking wind, you know.

[1294] There's a guy in that movie who runs himself over with his own lawnmower.

[1295] He's mowing his lawn and then they cut away and they look back and he's under the lawnmower.

[1296] So the wind got him?

[1297] I guess.

[1298] So the wind's targeting individuals.

[1299] The wind wants you to kill yourself, I think, is what it is.

[1300] It's unbelievably bad.

[1301] That's right.

[1302] Nature wanted you to kill yourself, right?

[1303] There was like a smell that it was putting out or something like that.

[1304] I don't know.

[1305] All I know is there's a scene where he's running in a field and he's panicking.

[1306] And the only thing that's happening is grass is blowing.

[1307] Meanwhile, if nature wanted to, have you ever seen some.

[1308] some of those giant storm clouds that they photograph over the like Kansas cornfields and shit that are as big as cities yep and these like why wouldn't nature just do that thing that it already does why does it have to do some thing where it targets lawnmowers makes it run over assholes it's just so stupid yeah like people are always trying to find some new hook yeah like the village or these people they think that it's 1612 but it's really 2015 and they're living in the middle of a place where they're not allowed to fly planes like what yeah they can't fly planes over this area there's a no fly zone like that's why this works that's why it works yeah how big is this fucking no fly zone because I don't know if you know this but planes fly everywhere you cut yeah and even if they're outside the zone you probably still hear one yeah you could but here's a stupid thing they walk and in a short amount of time they're at a road and then cars drive by remember that I don't think I ever saw the village you should say it I was fucking terrible I was taking a break from shaman for a while I took a little shot A little Shammalant hiatus.

[1309] Remember he did Devil, the one about a haunted elevator?

[1310] No. He did that?

[1311] Yeah, it was him.

[1312] God, he can't stop.

[1313] Haunted elevated.

[1314] Elevator is trying to kill you.

[1315] He should try to...

[1316] I mean, you know what you should do if...

[1317] Jordan Peel's horror movie is supposed to be incredible.

[1318] I haven't seen it yet.

[1319] Yeah.

[1320] I feel like Shamalan should try doing a comedy.

[1321] You know what I mean?

[1322] Why not?

[1323] Mix it up.

[1324] Try taking a nap.

[1325] Just break.

[1326] Take a break.

[1327] He made one good movie.

[1328] That six sense was a good movie.

[1329] That's a good movie.

[1330] makes sense is a good movie but often that happens with people like how many bands have come out with one great album and then they their follow -up is dog shit most yeah yeah statistically i would say most bands comedians do the same thing some comics have one great special and then they like i always point i'm a huge kinnison fan but i always pointed out to him he's the best example of a guy who came out of the gate like with the greatest of all time or one of the greatest of all time i think priors the greatest of all time but kinnisn's right up there like number two it's funny because People don't bring him up in those conversations enough.

[1331] I'm saying when you have the who's the best conversation about standup, Kenison's name isn't even like.

[1332] Yeah, they go with Carlin and all due respect.

[1333] I just don't think they're comparable.

[1334] Carlin is a great comic and his body of work is fantastic and he just did a new hour every year for decades.

[1335] But he had a lot of duds, you know.

[1336] The later years were tough.

[1337] I'm a big Carlin fan.

[1338] His later specials were a lot less.

[1339] He was a lot less charming and he was doing a lot more like, we're all gonna die.

[1340] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1341] You are.

[1342] Yeah, well, you're definitely dying, dude.

[1343] You're older.

[1344] I've been watching you for years and it doesn't look up.

[1345] But I love, but I love to, I mean, jamming in New York to me is one of the best hours of all time.

[1346] No, he's got fantastic work.

[1347] Don't get me wrong, but it's not as funny as Kinnison's best work when he was doing like that bit about the homosexual necrophiliacs or paying money to spend a few hours undisturbed with the freshest male corpses.

[1348] Just imagine that You're lying down You're like well I'm dead now I'm gonna go meet Jesus And hey What the fuck is this It feels like some guy's got his dick in my ass You mean life keeps fucking the ass Even after you're dead It never ends It never ends Oh He was fat And like the whole thing about him Was like he wore an overcoat And he had a beret With a comb over I mean he was just The whole thing was chaos He was just He was something has never existed before.

[1349] I actually think Jammin in New York is dedicated to Sam Kinnison.

[1350] Wow.

[1351] Yeah.

[1352] Well, he was, I mean, look, Carlin's an all -time great.

[1353] Don't get me wrong.

[1354] I mean, if there's a top ten, he's in there.

[1355] But I really think...

[1356] I think these days, Burr's up there, too.

[1357] I mean, his specials, his recent specials have been...

[1358] He's doing stuff in some of his specials, but I'm like, I can't even believe you can do that.

[1359] Like, it was, you people are all the same where he does the thing about hitting women, and you're like, how is he going to stick this landing?

[1360] It's like 2 ,500 people pull back He goes, I feel you pulling away, and you're like, holy shit.

[1361] You know what I love?

[1362] The one he does about Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[1363] Yeah, that's a great man. He's a great man. Gold digging horse took down a great man. That's the same hour.

[1364] That's the same hour.

[1365] Yeah.

[1366] Yeah.

[1367] There's a lot of great comedy going on right now, man. For sure.

[1368] There is.

[1369] For sure.

[1370] Yeah.

[1371] It's a fun time.

[1372] It is a fun time.

[1373] Are you living in New York?

[1374] Yeah, I'm living there.

[1375] I mean, I've been out here for a month.

[1376] I got cast in this little, like, digital series thing.

[1377] What's a digital series?

[1378] Like, what is it?

[1379] It's like a 10 episode.

[1380] episode little sci -fi comedy thing that I got cast and then I didn't even audition for I think they just saw my nightly show real and they're like we need someone to play a douchey guy I'm like I'm you guy you know a sci -fi comedy it's like a weird sci -fi comedy it's called it's called stellar people it's like a dinner I mean I don't it's like a dinner I'm just finished it was really fun though because I've never done single camera acting before which is a different kind of thing but it's a lot of work but it's a dude five inches from your face and they're like don't look at him I'm like but I want to he's right in my face I'm not like professionally trained They're like, look over there.

[1381] I'm like, but you're right there.

[1382] The lens, it's so close.

[1383] It's long as to hours and long days.

[1384] Yeah, because it was super low budget.

[1385] But it was a sag thing.

[1386] And it was, yeah, we were shooting like 11 pages a day.

[1387] Like it was, but the dude's shooting it were so sharp.

[1388] They were so good.

[1389] And they were young.

[1390] I didn't realize until the rap party, how young they were.

[1391] We were at the rap party the other night.

[1392] I'm like, how long you guys been doing this?

[1393] They're like, oh, cool.

[1394] How old are you guys?

[1395] 26.

[1396] I was like, shit.

[1397] Yeah.

[1398] And it kind of made me. I was inspired.

[1399] I was like, couldn't you guys just be with me all the time?

[1400] because you're 26 and you're funny and you're talented and you know how to shoot and edit and everything they shoot looks good.

[1401] And they're still having energy.

[1402] 10 years ago, they were in high school.

[1403] Yeah.

[1404] So like 10 years ago, this whole thing was kicking off.

[1405] You know, 10 years ago, you're looking at 2007.

[1406] That was like really the launch of the digital space.

[1407] You know, like I said, my Netflix special was in 2005.

[1408] Nobody had Netflix in 2005, and it was looked at as like a joke.

[1409] Yep.

[1410] And that's sort of where at 2006, 2007, things started ramping up.

[1411] And then digital became more and more of a big deal.

[1412] I remember people, there was, NBC had a different thing before CISO that they were doing.

[1413] God damn it.

[1414] What was the name of it?

[1415] There was another name.

[1416] We had actually a deal with them.

[1417] Did they have Burley Bear?

[1418] That was like a college thing they had years ago.

[1419] No, no, it was Crackle.

[1420] Oh, yeah, Crackle.

[1421] Because Crackle's still around, isn't it?

[1422] Is it?

[1423] I don't know if it's NBC anymore.

[1424] Sometimes I see Crackle come up on things.

[1425] I don't know.

[1426] Maybe.

[1427] Crackle, I remember Crackle.

[1428] But when we had a deal with them, but a bunch of shit fell through and they wanted to just give me money for nothing that's good nothing yeah nothing had it was one of those weird things where like nothing happened but you got paid gave me money I'm like okay it's pretty cool all right I could go for one of those crackle if you're if you're out there yeah it was like an interview show we were gonna do it was like similar to like a podcast but like in weird location just sitting down with people which by the way is not the best move like the best move like the best move is have like a place like this where it's like quiet and you just sit out and talk but everybody wants like how about we do it in a park when people feel weird in a park And there's birds chirping and like vans, gangbangers, fucking drive -by in the background, sirens, yeah, joggers and shit, dogs bite you.

[1429] I remember I did a show with Neil Brennan for Sundance a couple years ago, and they had never done a show, like it was a studio show, but they wanted to shoot it in a loft, you know, and I was like, well, we could get a studio and then make it look like a loft, and that way it's soundproof.

[1430] You know what I'm saying?

[1431] They're like, oh, but we really wanted to feel like a loft.

[1432] I'm like, you know, the friends, they weren't really in a loft.

[1433] right that was like like but no no no no bro I saw it they were so desperate for like it to feel and I was like you're going to have the loudest most unshootable show if you go find a loft in soho yeah just wire it with lights so we ended up getting a studio but it's like that that's a bad instinct yeah that's someone said to me outside of a professional area someone said to me let's do a podcast at Starbucks how about you just know yeah no I bet we just get Starbucks I go to a studio why would you fucking why would you want to go to Starbucks so you want to take the chance at people next to you having arguments with their agent on the phone or screaming at their dog walker or whatever they're like, you can't find Fluffy?

[1434] And like that's all going to be on your podcast.

[1435] Is that cool?

[1436] Like you don't have the best conversations in public places like that.

[1437] That's not a good move.

[1438] But everybody wants to do something crafty and creative and different, you know?

[1439] Yeah, I mean, I always think, I find that too with standups a lot of times.

[1440] Younger standups will say like, I'm really trying to be outside the box.

[1441] I'm like, get a box.

[1442] First have a fucking box.

[1443] Like you need a box first.

[1444] You know, like Jackson Pollock knew how to paint a bowl of fruit.

[1445] You know what I mean?

[1446] Did he though?

[1447] I think he did.

[1448] I don't know if he did.

[1449] Like in other words, you got to like start with some sort of basic skill set before you're like, now it's, you know, like start a podcast.

[1450] You hit a sore spot with me, buddy.

[1451] Really?

[1452] You're not a Jackson Pollock fan?

[1453] Nope.

[1454] Yeah.

[1455] I'm not saying I'm not saying I'm a fan of his.

[1456] I'm just saying he was a painter before he started splattering shit.

[1457] Well, I watched that movie, the Ed Harris movie.

[1458] I never watched that.

[1459] And I was like, okay, well, there's nothing exceptional here going on.

[1460] Like, this guy's throwing paint around.

[1461] And I'm watching a movie about a guy throwing paint around.

[1462] And he's got some trials and tribulations I get it, but I'm not I mean it's not the worst looking art, it's kind of cool to have like in the lobby of a hotel or something It's kind of.

[1463] I'm not a fan of it personally Couldn't you buy it?

[1464] Like if you bought a Jackson Pollock, you're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars No, I think probably millions of dollars Millions?

[1465] That would be my guess.

[1466] Millions?

[1467] Millions.

[1468] If I know the artist's name, it has to be worth millions of dollars.

[1469] Okay, here we go.

[1470] Oh yeah, here we go.

[1471] How about fuck you?

[1472] How about fuck you for every one of these?

[1473] Like, if you have to pay a million dollars for every one of these.

[1474] Click on that one where your cursor is right there, Jamie.

[1475] Fuck you.

[1476] This is chaos.

[1477] You could go to the Jackson Pollock house.

[1478] It's out in East Hampton, and my nephews went.

[1479] The Jackson Pollock house?

[1480] It's the house he painted.

[1481] It's like a museum now.

[1482] But for little kids, you can paint the Jackson Pollock, and my nephew did one, and it looks exactly like it.

[1483] Probably looks better.

[1484] And he was five, and he did it.

[1485] I went to my old agent's house.

[1486] My old agent had this beautiful house in Aspen, and he had this thing his wall.

[1487] And I go, is this something your kid did?

[1488] And someone goes, no, that's a blah, blah, blah.

[1489] I go, what are you talking about?

[1490] And they're like, do you know anything about modern art?

[1491] I go, no. And I go, what is this?

[1492] And the guy explained it to me that that was probably like a $35 ,000 painting.

[1493] I go, get the fuck out of here.

[1494] I mean, it was literally like 12 by 14.

[1495] It looked like a little kid's first grade class project.

[1496] So I thought, like, oh, this is cute.

[1497] He puts up his kid's artwork.

[1498] In a nice frame, yeah.

[1499] Yeah, it was like some tissue paper that was glued to some other paper and some paint splattered on it, like...

[1500] Yeah, modern art. Go back to that.

[1501] Let's look more of that.

[1502] Just fascinating to me. And people get so upset if you don't like what they like.

[1503] Like, I've talked about Jackson Pollock before, and you get these Jackson Pollock fans and believers.

[1504] And they're like, you don't understand this, the layers of paint and the way his vision was manifested onto the canvas.

[1505] That sounds like the aliens from a galaxy quest.

[1506] That's actually kind of cool.

[1507] I'll give him $500 for that.

[1508] Yeah, I mean, again, I'm not a fan of it, but I try as hard as I can with stuff, especially now, to go.

[1509] You know what that looks like?

[1510] People like what they like, I don't know.

[1511] When a dude goes to the hospital and they find that he has like intestinal worms and they pull them all out onto the operating table, that's what it looks like.

[1512] Those are like white intestine worms.

[1513] That is actually a cool painting.

[1514] Now I'm trying to change my opinion here, because that one is actually kind of cool.

[1515] What about that one up above it, the green one?

[1516] What is that one?

[1517] To the right.

[1518] To the right.

[1519] No, right above it, James.

[1520] Yeah, that looks like a painting.

[1521] Yeah.

[1522] What is that?

[1523] That's a Jackson Pollock, too?

[1524] I'd be pissed.

[1525] People are like, what is that?

[1526] It's a Pollock.

[1527] No, it's not.

[1528] It's not.

[1529] It's not even splattery.

[1530] No, no, no, no, it is.

[1531] But that one looks like he was splatting something.

[1532] Yeah, that was like...

[1533] That one I like...

[1534] He was on different pills.

[1535] Look at him.

[1536] Weird -looking guy.

[1537] He's a weird -looking guy, too.

[1538] I bet he...

[1539] She -wolf.

[1540] That's what I like.

[1541] It's called.

[1542] She -wolf?

[1543] That's what it's called?

[1544] Is that a wolf?

[1545] I guess there's teeth in the tongue down, the lower left -hand corner.

[1546] I bet he banged a lot of confused older ladies with money.

[1547] I think older?

[1548] Yeah.

[1549] I feel like, yeah, probably.

[1550] But I think younger, too.

[1551] Younger, too?

[1552] I think there was, like, a lot of 50 -year -old hot ladies that would buy his paintings.

[1553] You'd fuck him in the butt.

[1554] That's what I would think happens.

[1555] Yeah.

[1556] You may have done some 50 -year -old butt -fucking.

[1557] I mean, I don't know that.

[1558] Was that in the movie?

[1559] I didn't watch the movie.

[1560] No. Did Ed Harris was like, I'm not going to do any of the butt -fucking.

[1561] Oh, look at that, $140 million.

[1562] I told you.

[1563] The intestinal worms won.

[1564] 140 million dollars.

[1565] How much is She Wolf?

[1566] How much did She Wolf go for?

[1567] He made that in 1948.

[1568] Wow.

[1569] Holy shit.

[1570] Doesn't it say?

[1571] Wow.

[1572] What year is that, She Wolf?

[1573] 43.

[1574] Jesus Christ.

[1575] Yeah.

[1576] That is really interesting, though, because back then, you know, like this, you're talking about a completely different time.

[1577] This is World War II.

[1578] Yeah, I mean, that's worth to think about.

[1579] Like, dudes are, like, jumping out of planes in Germany and he's like splatting painting in the Hamptons you know making cash yeah and banging war widows you know no he's banging divorcees of heads of industry yeah now like the the amount of money that you would have to have to spend 140 million dollars on some splattery paint yeah you have to be have Netflix money yeah yeah you're making a billion a month the Netflix executive the head guy is probably putting one up right now and a house and Brentwood looking up.

[1580] You think he's putting it up or his painting hanger is putting it up?

[1581] He's got painting hangers for sure.

[1582] Yeah.

[1583] Yeah, definitely.

[1584] He's probably got white maids.

[1585] Now that's money.

[1586] That's real money.

[1587] Real cash.

[1588] You must get a lot of, uh, you must, you say things I feel like why I like you so much is you are not a partisan person.

[1589] You do the thing I try to do with politics and everyone thinks because of the daily show, um, I'm very left.

[1590] I get accused of being all right lately.

[1591] Yeah, but it's like, but it's like, it's just having an opinion.

[1592] It's like, so I always try to have an opinion per issue almost, you know.

[1593] And I really got confused when this country went to a place where you have to be all in on either side.

[1594] I feel like most people aren't, you know, like some people are pro, you know, choice and also okay with guns.

[1595] Well, it's just the people that are pro one way or the other way are very loud.

[1596] They're the loudest, right?

[1597] There's a lot of us that are just scattered across the board.

[1598] Yeah, just like, I don't know.

[1599] Like there's some things that are reasonable.

[1600] things are unreasonable, but you are one of those people who sort of, I find this on the road a lot now, like, if I'm making fun of, like, in my hour, and I've really tried to structure my hour that I hit everybody, and, like, it's like, hit both sides and then, like, some dick jokes, you know what I mean, like, wrap up in dick jokes, and, uh, but when I hit the left, people on the right, yeah, and then the minute I'm like, all right, now let's talk about you guys, arms full, but within 12 seconds.

[1601] Oh, yeah.

[1602] Within 12 seconds of love this guy, love this guy, love this guy, hate this guy, he now, and it's the same thing that's happened with like i said fox news it's like they've said something i disagree with i can no longer watch that person and it's it's a weird time to be doing comedy for that reason it's a great time to be doing comedy there's so much chaos because you can point all that nonsense out yeah i think it's the best time ever like i'm going to san antonio in two weeks and i'm like it's going to be fun but there's definitely like a chunk of my act i'm like there's got a cowboy hat's like there's a jew on stage talking about jesus like i don't like it and i'm going to be like uh -huh i got to go out the back door your last name Yeah, because I'm a half.

[1603] I'm a half breed.

[1604] Is that a last name?

[1605] Yeah, my dad's Roman Catholic Italian.

[1606] So they should be cool with it.

[1607] Yeah, but I talk about being a Jew.

[1608] But your mom was Jewish, so that you were raised Jewish because your religion of the mother, right?

[1609] Yeah, and therefore, it was chosen by God.

[1610] Yeah, that's how it always is.

[1611] Yeah, it was one of the best people.

[1612] Oh, sweet.

[1613] Yeah.

[1614] Yeah, he decided we were better.

[1615] Yeah, it was pretty cool.

[1616] It's pretty sweet.

[1617] My uncle converted, and his name is Salvatore DiGilando, and he converted.

[1618] To Judaism.

[1619] Yeah.

[1620] Why did he do that?

[1621] Married a woman who's Jewish.

[1622] Married a Jew.

[1623] Fell in love with a nice Jewish lady.

[1624] And he wanted him in.

[1625] You got to go in.

[1626] My dad just converted.

[1627] My dad converted.

[1628] My dad converted at 68.

[1629] To your mom?

[1630] Yeah, to Judaism.

[1631] Well, your mom's religion.

[1632] Yeah.

[1633] With your mom or with a new lady?

[1634] No, no, no, no. With my mom.

[1635] Okay.

[1636] But he never went in until now.

[1637] Until now.

[1638] Wow, he's getting close.

[1639] He's like, better hedge my bet.

[1640] You never know.

[1641] You never know.

[1642] Might really be the chosen people.

[1643] Imagine if I got to the fuck.

[1644] in big gates.

[1645] I was like, ah, I didn't have the papers.

[1646] I was living with one for 50 years.

[1647] I didn't have the papers.

[1648] The papers wasn't right.

[1649] That's exactly what that is.

[1650] I can't believe this.

[1651] And you know that they do I don't want to talk about it, but they do like a, like, they give you a little poke in the penis to like, they kind of draw blood from your penis to symbolize the.

[1652] Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

[1653] I told me that.

[1654] I was like, not worth it.

[1655] What is going on with people and dicks?

[1656] Yeah.

[1657] Cutting dicks and making dicks bleed and cutting baby dicks.

[1658] Circumcision to me is, is it weird.

[1659] It feels like kind of thing you should have a saying you know like you should get you should get a vote you know and you can't you can't it's just they just take this thing that you need it away yeah and they don't even well not only that it's being done now for purely aesthetic reasons and people say something about aids most of decreases as AIDS fuck you it does it does not that's not true it's absolutely a lie and that's just some nonsense that people have said to make up for the fact that it's still this horrific fucking practice and by the way there's probably money in it.

[1660] Believe it or not, there's probably a significant business in cutting baby dicks.

[1661] And so they're probably trying to protect that significant business and also trying to justify the baby dicks they've cut in the past.

[1662] So if they have three sons and they've cut all the sons' dicks, they're like, well, it's really important to prevent AIDS.

[1663] Let me tell you something.

[1664] If you're going to get AIDS, you're not going to get it from having a dirty foreskin.

[1665] Okay?

[1666] Okay.

[1667] We're good?

[1668] Yeah.

[1669] Fuck you.

[1670] No one's getting AIDS from dirty force.

[1671] I don't know anything about the diseases, but I do know that, uh, just, as a guy who wears buttonflies.

[1672] It would be nice to have one more layer protecting my penis from just smacking around my jeans.

[1673] Well, how about wear underwear you wear, though?

[1674] Yeah, well, I do wear underwear, but it doesn't matter.

[1675] How about me undies?

[1676] Oh, you and some tight ones?

[1677] You and meandies, man?

[1678] Yeah, I love them.

[1679] Pull up tight to your package.

[1680] Oh, sweet.

[1681] I don't take a look.

[1682] They're made with micro -modal.

[1683] I got this ball fresh.

[1684] I got this pair of boxes from the thing we were doing because there was a scene where my dick gets pulled off in this show I was doing.

[1685] Gets pulled off your body?

[1686] Yeah, well, I have a robotic penis.

[1687] I don't want to spoil it.

[1688] But the, I don't know if anyone's going to see it, so it's okay.

[1689] But they gave me a pair, you know, underwear, so I didn't have to wreck my own underwear.

[1690] And it was the most comfortable underwear I ever wore.

[1691] I was like, this is amazing.

[1692] And then my girlfriend came out to visit me. She sends me a text, and she goes, why is there a pair of ladies underwear in your suitcase?

[1693] And I was like, there is?

[1694] And it turns out this underwear that I thought was the best underwear.

[1695] It's like, ladies underwear.

[1696] And I was like, I was about to buy like 50 more pairs of it.

[1697] Well, who decides they're ladies?

[1698] I don't know.

[1699] I mean, I don't know.

[1700] but I'm in on it like it just because Are they silk?

[1701] No, they were like this like I guess they're like a leggings material I don't know but they just made my penis like float Like it was like in limbo Like it was like it was in jello And it was very nice And are they designed for a vagina And not for a penis?

[1702] I don't know All I know is I wore them And I was like I gotta get more of these And then she was like She was like my girlfriend No she didn't get mad First she just thought I was like cheating on her Right And then she's like this is the ladies line at Target You know Oh well there you go Now you know where to get them.

[1703] Yeah, exactly.

[1704] That's what I said.

[1705] I'm like, cool, go pick me up six pairs.

[1706] Yeah, there's certain things that are like, they don't have a gender associated.

[1707] Like tube socks.

[1708] Yeah.

[1709] Right?

[1710] Unless you have, like, the little pom -pom in the back of the heel.

[1711] Yeah.

[1712] That's the only way, you know, like little ankle socks.

[1713] Like, for a while, ankle socks were only chicks.

[1714] Only chicks wore ankle socks.

[1715] Yeah, you're right.

[1716] Dude didn't wear ankle socks in the 80s and 90s.

[1717] That was a chick thing.

[1718] Yeah.

[1719] They wore those little tiny socks.

[1720] Yeah.

[1721] And then, yeah, now it feels weird to wear shorts with socks.

[1722] Does it?

[1723] Yeah.

[1724] To me it does.

[1725] It feels weird.

[1726] Why?

[1727] I don't know.

[1728] I just don't like the way it looks.

[1729] It just feels very like.

[1730] I wear socks that they're not totally ankle socks and people mock my socks.

[1731] Like these socks.

[1732] Check these out.

[1733] See?

[1734] They go above the ankle.

[1735] Like, what are you doing?

[1736] I see an extra inch a sock.

[1737] But will you wear those with shorts?

[1738] Do you know what I'm saying?

[1739] Yeah.

[1740] I don't give you shit.

[1741] I'm married.

[1742] I wear a fanny pack.

[1743] Yeah, that's true.

[1744] I'm almost 50.

[1745] I don't give a fuck.

[1746] Yeah.

[1747] Yeah.

[1748] What's going to happen to me?

[1749] Nothing.

[1750] People are going to like me less?

[1751] Because you don't like me?

[1752] Good.

[1753] I'm trying to cut people.

[1754] people out of my life.

[1755] If you have a problem with me because of my socks, my socks are an inch too high.

[1756] One last person I have to talk to.

[1757] Fuck off with your shitty ideas.

[1758] Yeah.

[1759] There's just too many people with just like weird, rigid ideas about what people shouldn't, shouldn't do in this life.

[1760] I mean, and it's, that's, it's constant.

[1761] You're constantly being told like that we don't say that anymore.

[1762] I'm like, when did that happen?

[1763] Yeah.

[1764] You know, I can't keep, that's my biggest problem is I can't keep up.

[1765] What was the, the latest one?

[1766] People told you not to say anymore.

[1767] Well, uh, Eskimo.

[1768] But that's not true.

[1769] See, in certain parts of the country and the world, Eskimo is what they prefer.

[1770] Okay.

[1771] See, I believe Inuit is in certain parts of the world they prefer, but Eskimo is what they prefer in other parts of the word.

[1772] Like, people that say that Eskimo was a slur.

[1773] That is not always true.

[1774] You might decide it's true for your area.

[1775] Steve Ronello is explaining this to me. I believe in Canada, Eskimo is the correct term, but in Alaska, they prefer Inuit.

[1776] See if that's correct, Jamie.

[1777] Yeah, but let's make sure we get that right.

[1778] But that's just people deciding.

[1779] That's what I mean.

[1780] Like, I never, you know, trying to be disrespectful to Enuitz our Eskimos, you know?

[1781] It's just a problem when you decide all the sudden that something's disrespectful after people have been using it.

[1782] Like, language is supposed to always convey intent.

[1783] That's it.

[1784] That's all it's supposed to be about.

[1785] So when you just make these hot button words, you know, we're not talking about like, like, like Japs, the Japs.

[1786] You know, like that was a derogatory term used in World War II.

[1787] And people threw it around wildly.

[1788] And they didn't realize it's pretty offensive.

[1789] And that makes sense.

[1790] Like, oh, okay, I get it.

[1791] This is a term from World War II.

[1792] that was used, like, gooks.

[1793] It was an internment camp.

[1794] Makes sense.

[1795] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

[1796] All those things make sense.

[1797] But when you get to things that don't, like, there's certain expressions that don't make sense.

[1798] Like, how the fuck is it still the National Association for the advancement of colored people?

[1799] I know.

[1800] Yeah, come on.

[1801] I talk about that.

[1802] It's tough to give a donation to that.

[1803] In Canada, the term Eskimo has largely been supplanted by the term Inuit.

[1804] While Inuit can accurately be applied to Eskimo peoples in Canada and Greenland is not true.

[1805] In Alaska and Siberia.

[1806] In Alaska, the term Eskimo is commonly used because it includes both Yupik and Inupad.

[1807] So, okay, in Alaska, Inuit is not accepted as a collective term and is not used especially in the Inupad.

[1808] So, okay.

[1809] So in Canada, you're supposed to use the term Inuit.

[1810] In Alaska, you can still use the term Eskimo, and they want you to use it because it does not refer to a certain type of native person that lives up there.

[1811] Those are fucking, those are the real natives, man. Yeah.

[1812] I mean, if you really think about it, those are the people that not only did they cross the bearing straight, but they fucking stayed in the cold spot.

[1813] Yeah.

[1814] They got there and they're like, yeah, this is good.

[1815] What's interesting is...

[1816] How do you not keep traveling?

[1817] Those people don't have any access to vegetables, and yet they lived almost entirely free of cancer until we started importing cigarettes and booze up there.

[1818] That I did not know.

[1819] Yeah, they had incredibly low instances of cancer, and what they're basically living off is fat.

[1820] They're living off seal fat, and they would take seals, and they would take seals.

[1821] And they would take frozen fish, and they would dip frozen fish in hot seal oil and eat the frozen fish.

[1822] So they'd take a frozen fish, and they would slice almost like carpaccio thin pieces of this frozen fish and then dip it in seal oil.

[1823] And that's how they, to this day.

[1824] Like a fondue.

[1825] Well, it's not a fondue.

[1826] It's like a, you know, like a, I don't know, like a shit.

[1827] Shaboo Shaboo.

[1828] What's a Shabu Shabu?

[1829] No, you ever, it's like a Japanese thing where you take meat and dip it in thinly sliced meat and dip it in hot oil.

[1830] Oh, okay.

[1831] Yeah, something like that.

[1832] Something along those lines, but somehow or another, that diet is really good for you, which is really strange.

[1833] Like, I would think you'd have to have some fucking vegetables in your life.

[1834] Yeah, but it can't be good for your heart if you're eating a lot of seal fat.

[1835] So that's where you're wrong.

[1836] See, that's a common misconception.

[1837] And it's one of the things we've addressed ad nauseum on the show, unfortunately, but I'll get to be the short, short version of fats versus carbohydrates.

[1838] In the 1950s, the sugar industry paid scientists to write about saturated fat and to blame saturated.

[1839] fat for heart disease and heart attacks.

[1840] It's not the case at all.

[1841] It's a lie.

[1842] And it was all created by the sugar industry to take the blame away from sugar.

[1843] Sugar, processed sugar in simple carbohydrates, like breads and pastas and all those things, those things are terrible for you.

[1844] And that's where you get your fat.

[1845] That's where you get fat bodies.

[1846] That's where people develop like hearting of the arteries and fucking clog this and that along with genetics and a lot of other things.

[1847] But where saturated fats become dangerous is when you mix saturated fats, with sugars.

[1848] Saturated fats and sugars together, somehow or another, accentuate, like, you know, like fried foods and sugary food, like sugary drinks, like and fried chicken and fried, you know, like deep fried fatty things.

[1849] That's where things get really dangerous, apparently.

[1850] And this is like a recent study that connected saturated fat mixed with simple sugars and processed sugars as being especially dangerous.

[1851] But on their own, saturated fats are the precursors for hormones.

[1852] And in fact, a diet high in saturated fats and cholesterol actually raises your hormone levels and it's healthier for your body.

[1853] Not only that, saturated fat and dietary cholesterol in particular, food you eat, cholesterol from food, doesn't raise your blood cholesterol at all.

[1854] It barely moves the needle on blood lipids.

[1855] It's all super confusing.

[1856] Because we grew up with this idea that when you eat cholesterol, you get high cholesterol.

[1857] It's not the case.

[1858] In fact, there's a lot of evidence that where you're really getting this bad extra fat in your body is from processed sugars.

[1859] Yeah, because your body can't get rid of it.

[1860] Well, your body's not, you're not supposed to ever be able to take a spoonful of sugar and shove it in your mouth.

[1861] It doesn't exist in nature.

[1862] I play Mary Poppins.

[1863] That dirty bitch.

[1864] That bitch.

[1865] It takes a spoonful of sugar, top the medicine, go down.

[1866] Yeah, that's great.

[1867] I don't know that much about nutrition.

[1868] I know, but it's a natural thing to say.

[1869] Mexican food.

[1870] Well, that's a good move.

[1871] I wish we had some time.

[1872] There's a legit, Jamie, I've got to take you this place right down the street.

[1873] The most legit Mexican place you'll ever find.

[1874] They're playing Mexican TV with soccer.

[1875] Really?

[1876] They have tongue and cabesa.

[1877] They have head tacos.

[1878] Shit.

[1879] Dude, I'm telling you, this place is the bomb.

[1880] I had a tongue cassidia, langua casidia.

[1881] It was fucking fantastic.

[1882] Really?

[1883] I don't know if I'd eat a tongue casadier.

[1884] So everyone's speaking in Spanish.

[1885] They barely understand you when you're ordering it.

[1886] try to order in English.

[1887] God damn, it's good, though.

[1888] It's legit as fuck.

[1889] This little strip mall area.

[1890] Don't give the address.

[1891] I don't want Trump to take him out.

[1892] I know, man. There's not a legal person in that joint.

[1893] I went there with my family the other day, and I was like, baby, they're in a legal person.

[1894] Have your license at the ready.

[1895] Bring a passport when you go.

[1896] I really do think food is, like, the key to making people like each other.

[1897] I really do.

[1898] If that's the case, why are people kicking out Mexicans?

[1899] Well, that's what I'm saying.

[1900] Like, I keep wanting to send, like, West Coast, like, I was in Arizona, I wanted doing shows, food down, Mexican food down, they were so good.

[1901] And I wanted to just send like a little cassidia triangle to Trump with a note, you know, like, are you sure?

[1902] You know, like to take a nibble, dude.

[1903] Well, he's got taco bowls.

[1904] You ever see that picture that he took?

[1905] He came with the taco bowl.

[1906] I love Hispanics.

[1907] And I was like, what the fuck is this?

[1908] So weird.

[1909] Yeah, no, but I feel, that's how I feel about.

[1910] That's why I think New York, we've got so many different cultures there and so many different foods that like you, like always eating.

[1911] Yeah.

[1912] I don't know.

[1913] Don't get rid of those people.

[1914] Oh yeah.

[1915] Those are the best falafels in town.

[1916] I know, right?

[1917] There's like certain spots where you can go.

[1918] There's the best trucks.

[1919] And it's authentic.

[1920] It's like you said.

[1921] Like anytime you go into a place that has that race of people in it eating there, I'm like, oh, I've chosen wisely.

[1922] This must be a good Indian food.

[1923] Everyone in here is Indian place that I go to as well that is in like an Indian supermarket.

[1924] It's an Indian supermarket that does all these bizarre smells.

[1925] You go in there's a weird curry smells and shit.

[1926] And then in the back, they have like a cafeteria.

[1927] And every.

[1928] Everything was in Indian.

[1929] Like, I didn't know what the fuck they had.

[1930] So the lady was very patient with me and talked me through all this stuff.

[1931] Everything's vegetarian and everything's all in Indian.

[1932] Wow.

[1933] And it was fucking fantastic.

[1934] And everybody came in and, like, full Indian garb.

[1935] Like, you would think you were in India.

[1936] You know, it was really weird.

[1937] They were all dressed like they lived in India and just me. Did they break out in one of those, like, big musical numbers?

[1938] No, but they had the music plan.

[1939] They did?

[1940] They did have Indian, like, legit Indian music plan.

[1941] That's awesome.

[1942] You can find these little spots where you can get, like, real authentic.

[1943] food from people that, you know, came from there and say, look, this is what we miss?

[1944] So we're going to set up shop here and just make it a little India.

[1945] Yeah, I like that.

[1946] That's why I like living in a city.

[1947] Oh, there's some good spots in L .A. too.

[1948] There's a great little, you ever been to a little Vietnam?

[1949] There's a little Vietnamese area that has some fucking awesome little Vietnamese restaurants.

[1950] I always find it fascinating how people pool up in groups, you know?

[1951] Yep.

[1952] They get together and then they all sort of buy property or rent property in this one area.

[1953] But is it zoned?

[1954] I never, like, to me, like, Chinatown and New York always felt like zoned.

[1955] I don't think it is.

[1956] I think it happened organic.

[1957] They were like, they put all the Chinese people over here.

[1958] Like, you know, because.

[1959] Well, how little Italy?

[1960] Yeah, same thing.

[1961] I'm saying.

[1962] I always assumed so.

[1963] I mean, I guess I could read about it.

[1964] And the upper east side is like, Waspville.

[1965] No, yeah.

[1966] They were like, put some Jews up town.

[1967] But, yeah, I mean, I think that, you know, it's always a, it's always a weird thing to me to, like, put, that cities have that.

[1968] It was, it still feels weird.

[1969] It feels antiquated.

[1970] But at the same time, like, China.

[1971] in New York, it's fantastic.

[1972] Like, you go down there, like, great restaurants.

[1973] There's, like, little alleyways you can track it down.

[1974] You can get different kinds.

[1975] The only, like, sort of food resources you could get in China.

[1976] Like, you know, like you said, soup markets that have, you've never seen anything in the store before because you're not from China.

[1977] A bucket of dried fish is.

[1978] Just, yeah.

[1979] Big barrels.

[1980] They have big barrels of things, and you're like, what is that guy scooping out of that barrel?

[1981] And why is it moving, you know?

[1982] You know what I like?

[1983] I like those restaurants where they reluctantly write the name.

[1984] below the Chinese name, they reluctantly write something in English.

[1985] You know, half -moon villa.

[1986] You know, and then above it is these big -ass Chinese letters.

[1987] We're not going for spelling or...

[1988] Oh, we have to write here.

[1989] You know, there's places where you have to, like in Quebec.

[1990] In Quebec, you have to write in French.

[1991] Like, you have, they have laws where you have to write things in French.

[1992] Gotcha.

[1993] You can't just do it.

[1994] You can't go English, only.

[1995] I don't think you can.

[1996] I don't think it's allowed.

[1997] I think Quebec is, they're very...

[1998] They're clinging strong to their French heritage, which I completely understand, because they, I mean, they have a long history of French -speaking people living in Quebec.

[1999] Yeah.

[2000] You know, it's a really unusual part of Canada.

[2001] And a lot of people don't understand.

[2002] You think of Canadians like, you take off, eh?

[2003] Hello.

[2004] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2005] What is this about?

[2006] You know, that's not Montreal.

[2007] Montreal is very much like a European city.

[2008] It's really interesting in that regard.

[2009] Yeah.

[2010] Canada is like Canada.

[2011] I like Canada.

[2012] I've never had a bad experience in Canada doing shows or.

[2013] I feel like the people up there are, you know, it feels like it's like, you know, I don't want to, and this isn't diminishing Canada, but there's like a component of, it's like America, but like people just seem like friendlier.

[2014] Like I think about that with Chicago.

[2015] Like I just did gigs in Chicago.

[2016] And it's like, Chicago's like New York.

[2017] It's like this big, dirty, smelly city.

[2018] But everyone there's just nice because they're from the Midwest.

[2019] Yeah.

[2020] Like they're just nicer people.

[2021] Yeah.

[2022] I agree.

[2023] It's interesting.

[2024] Like they're friendly and they're like say hi to you.

[2025] We went over this on a recent podcast that Canada has.

[2026] as so few people, there's actually 36 million people in Canada, 39 million people in California.

[2027] Jesus Christ.

[2028] So the entire country of Canada has less people than just this state.

[2029] Well, Australia has, what, like 25 million people?

[2030] And it's as big as the continental United States.

[2031] But a lot of it's uninhabitable, though.

[2032] Yeah, well, it's dangerous as fuck.

[2033] My friend, go to Adam Green Tree's, my friend Adam Green Tree on Instagram, Adam.

[2034] Dot green tree bow hunting, I think it is.

[2035] A fucking snake Australia is so dangerous He lives in Australia He's always trying to get me to go there A fucking snake Literally ate a snake Its own size And he had it And couldn't swallow it and died Because of this So look this is a snake crawling out of a snake Its own size See that snake's mouth?

[2036] Holy shit Yeah So a fucking snake ate a snake Its own size And he filmed The one snake That tried to eat it dying And then the other one Wiggles out of its fucking body Whoa Like what in the hell, man. I mean, that is the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life.

[2037] You want to talk about a hard scrabble world.

[2038] When he first put it up, I thought, oh, is that a skin?

[2039] Is it like shedding its skin?

[2040] That's what I thought it was doing.

[2041] Nope, that's a full -ass fucking snake that ate another snake that is essentially the same size as it.

[2042] That's insane.

[2043] Is someone pulling it out?

[2044] I don't know.

[2045] I think it's just coming out.

[2046] Yeah, it died trying to eat it.

[2047] Is the other one dead, though?

[2048] No, the other one's pulling.

[2049] I can't tell if someone's pulling it out.

[2050] I don't think it is.

[2051] It might be.

[2052] That's crazy.

[2053] Yeah, it's insane.

[2054] Have you never been to Australia?

[2055] Oh, there it is.

[2056] There's another picture of it.

[2057] See, there it is right there.

[2058] That's bananas.

[2059] The stuff of nightmares.

[2060] I killed a snake in the yard gate this morning, and as it died, a snake came out of its mouth.

[2061] Let me repeat.

[2062] A snake came out its mouth.

[2063] Holy shit.

[2064] Have you never been to Australia?

[2065] Oh, yeah, I've been a few times.

[2066] Yeah, I love it.

[2067] I love it there.

[2068] But it really is.

[2069] All the deadliest stuff in the world is there.

[2070] I mean, like, even, like, there's shells on the beach.

[2071] They're like, hey, they don't pick up those shells there.

[2072] You know, like, there's always something.

[2073] It'll kill you, Mike.

[2074] A little thing will come out there and kill you.

[2075] If that sand gets underneath your skin, it'll kill you, mate.

[2076] You did, might, yeah, if that's all it is, all right, you did.

[2077] You did?

[2078] You know, like, oh, you're dead.

[2079] Like, it's crazy.

[2080] Well, they have just schools of these jellyfish that will just murder you instantly.

[2081] Just touching you.

[2082] You're dead.

[2083] You're like dead from a jellyfish.

[2084] It's crazy.

[2085] Or, like, in the springtime, people open up their barbecues or whatever.

[2086] There's always, like, black widow spiders and shit in them.

[2087] And, like, you know, spiders that can kill you.

[2088] Here's another one.

[2089] There's a video.

[2090] Look up a spider killing a brown snake.

[2091] Oh, I saw this.

[2092] This is crazy.

[2093] There's an evil snake.

[2094] The brown snake in Australia, again, bites you.

[2095] You're dead.

[2096] You're dead as fuck.

[2097] I saw this video.

[2098] It's insane.

[2099] And then the spider kills the fucking snake.

[2100] Like, an evil spider killed an evil snake.

[2101] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2102] It's like, what?

[2103] is going on in that part of the world.

[2104] And what's really fascinating about that part of the world is they didn't really have animals there other than like kangaroos and some fucking wallabies and shit.

[2105] There's a lot of the animals that they have there were imported.

[2106] Well, they're also one of those countries that did that thing where they were being overrun by a certain plant and then they put like rabbits out there to eat the plant and then the rabbits went rampant.

[2107] And then they put like wolves to get the, foxes.

[2108] And the foxes fucked them up and then they bring cats, feral cats.

[2109] Like they try to.

[2110] fixed shit, you know?

[2111] And they made a disaster out of the place.

[2112] Did you hear about the thing on the Galapagos Islands with the goats?

[2113] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2114] Yeah, yeah.

[2115] It's the same kind of thing.

[2116] Exactly.

[2117] You try to like manipulate the environment.

[2118] The environment's like, there it is.

[2119] So this evil fucking spider is closing in on this evil snake.

[2120] And that's, how crazy are spider webs that it's caught?

[2121] You can't even see the web and it's so strong that it's containing this snake.

[2122] I mean.

[2123] And he's got him by the head too.

[2124] Like he knows how to contain it.

[2125] Oh, yeah.

[2126] He's moving in on him.

[2127] He's like, closer, closer.

[2128] Oh, I'm going to eat you.

[2129] Closer, close up.

[2130] I can't show this video on YouTube.

[2131] Oh, okay.

[2132] Don't worry.

[2133] Yeah.

[2134] All our nature videos, every time we try to show a nature video, we get yanked off YouTube.

[2135] But for people who want to watch it.

[2136] Because people have rights, they own it.

[2137] You know, they own the video and they want all the hits and I get it.

[2138] So what is the name of the video so people can?

[2139] This one actually got, one version I tried to find got taken down off YouTube.

[2140] It said for breaking YouTube guidelines for graphic content.

[2141] What does it say?

[2142] Redback spider attacks.

[2143] Say that again?

[2144] Redback spider attacks and kills Brown Snake.

[2145] I just typed in Spider kills Brown Snake.

[2146] I had that happen to me with my, you know, Nightly Show gets canceled.

[2147] I'll like quickly cut my reel of my best of stuff.

[2148] I put it on YouTube.

[2149] I'm like, yeah, whatever.

[2150] Maybe it'll live there, people will see it.

[2151] An hour later, Viacom has blogged.

[2152] I was like, you guys are such assholes.

[2153] It just canceled the show.

[2154] I can't even have it on YouTube.

[2155] I have to put it on Vimeo.

[2156] and then through my website.

[2157] Like, it's funny how quick they are, though.

[2158] Well, couldn't you contact Viacom since you were an employee and get permission?

[2159] I don't know.

[2160] You got to go through proper channels.

[2161] Yeah, that just seemed like a lot of work.

[2162] I get it, though, because this is the Wow, Wow, West.

[2163] I mean, we have a lot of websites that are taking our clips from this podcast, and they put it up, and then they put advertisers on it, and then they make money off off.

[2164] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2165] It's really weird right now because they're trying to figure out what's legal and what's not legal to do.

[2166] Like, there's entire channels that are just dead.

[2167] dedicated to this podcast, and then they take clips from this podcast, and they make money off of it.

[2168] It's real sketchy.

[2169] And then there's websites that now are popping up, that have taken clips off the podcast.

[2170] They put them on their website, and then they have pop -up ads and Google ads all over their website.

[2171] So the only content that they have is content that I've created, but yet they're making money off of it.

[2172] So I get these people.

[2173] But to me it's like, well, you canceled the show, so obviously you're not making money on it.

[2174] But they are.

[2175] They're going to sell it somewhere.

[2176] They'll definitely sell it somewhere.

[2177] What, the nightly show?

[2178] Yeah.

[2179] Well, there's nothing to sell it.

[2180] They have whatever episodes they have.

[2181] They'll sell those episodes.

[2182] 100%.

[2183] And plus, if anybody wants to use them in something, if you want to use one of those clips, they'll have it.

[2184] It's intellectual property.

[2185] I get it.

[2186] I mean, how much do they spend?

[2187] Here's the other thing.

[2188] If you do a show for a year and a half and it gets canceled, they lost a fuckload of money.

[2189] They sure did.

[2190] 100%.

[2191] So they go like, look, we're going to figure out a way to stop this bleeding and then to just try to patch up something.

[2192] There's no way around it.

[2193] This announcement just happened.

[2194] It's going on actually right now.

[2195] YouTube's going to be putting TV shows.

[2196] on YouTube.

[2197] Like, there's going to make some sort of deal where you're going to be paying less than you pay for, I don't know, DirecTV or Hulu.

[2198] You're going to be able to get TV shows just like you're getting now and other services directly on YouTube.

[2199] Is that Red tube, though?

[2200] No, no. It's going to be a cheaper version than YouTube Red because YouTube Red is about $9 .99 a month, like the same price as Netflix.

[2201] Okay, so you're saying, like, current television shows that are out now?

[2202] I don't have a lot of data, because this is literally happening right now.

[2203] It says something about...

[2204] That's inevitable.

[2205] That makes sense.

[2206] Yeah, like Jimmy Kimmel and Colberro will be able to be on it and stuff like.

[2207] Something like that's...

[2208] Death, no...

[2209] This is the fucking death bell.

[2210] It might be happening right now.

[2211] This is the death bell to the networks right there.

[2212] Clang!

[2213] This is going to be historic.

[2214] This kind of shit, because there's going to be no reason to have television now.

[2215] If once this happens, there will literally be no reason to have television.

[2216] If this becomes universal...

[2217] Agreed.

[2218] Yeah.

[2219] Except for sporting events.

[2220] Like, you want to watch the basketball game, starts at 7.

[2221] You got to watch it there.

[2222] Like, TV might become the live sports network.

[2223] Yeah, I mean, that's really all you need it for them, right?

[2224] Maybe news.

[2225] I mean, it's very similar to the model of what you're doing with a podcast.

[2226] It's like you drop the podcast and then people listen to it when they want to listen to it.

[2227] Look at this.

[2228] YouTube reveals viewers watch a billion hours of video a day as firm prepares to unveil its unplugged TV service.

[2229] Wow.

[2230] Well, once they make a deal with networks like that, man, fucking A. But that's really interesting for all those people like the putty pies and the Philip DeFrancos and all these people that have.

[2231] shows on YouTube, it's going to blow them up even bigger because they're essentially now on a network because the network is just as, you're just as well connected as Jimmy Kimmel is now.

[2232] Right, so in other words, you're watching Coburn YouTube and then the next thing that comes up is a Rory Albany's show.

[2233] You're fucking sitting there smoking weed in your underwear, your girl's underwear.

[2234] My lady's, my lady's boxes.

[2235] Yeah, your wife's yelling at you in the background.

[2236] Get off the TV.

[2237] I'm working.

[2238] I'm on TV.

[2239] You're wearing women's underwear.

[2240] This is my show.

[2241] Shut up.

[2242] This is my life This is how I live I'm taking it back Yeah they gotta fix that weed problem in New York How's New York to still not have legal weed I don't know It's crazy What is going on?

[2243] I know and man that's one thing I gotta say about Denver Because it's not you don't even need You don't need it here anymore You don't need a you could just It's recreational here now Fully legal Really?

[2244] You could just walk in Yeah I didn't know that Dude we have a photo I have to put up on the wall Of the moment that we found out Burt Kreischer We were doing a podcast during the...

[2245] I had no idea.

[2246] We did an end -of -the -world podcast.

[2247] It was me, Bill Burr, Doug Stanhope, Burt Kreischer, a bunch of people, and we were on stage in the comedy store the moment that weed passed, recreational weed passed in California, and Burke Kreischer takes his shirt off and he's swinging his shirt in front of the crowd, and the whole crowd's got their arms up in the air and they're going crazy.

[2248] I had no idea.

[2249] I don't know I could crush that.

[2250] That actually wasn't the exact moment.

[2251] That was an exciting moment of the show.

[2252] When that actual moment happened, I was sitting next to Bert, and he didn't have a shirt off yet.

[2253] I have a photo.

[2254] of that moment when everyone's like that.

[2255] Yeah, someone told me that, but I was going to ignore that.

[2256] It's okay.

[2257] I mean, it's a really, it was pretty close to happen right afterwards, but.

[2258] Damn it.

[2259] Fucking Crusher of dreams.

[2260] Spock over there, you know.

[2261] Crusher of dreams.

[2262] That is the fact, but that makes it even funny.

[2263] I really didn't know that.

[2264] I thought you still needed your card.

[2265] No. No, you can totally get it.

[2266] I don't think you can't smoke in public.

[2267] You can't just be smoking.

[2268] Is it like Denver?

[2269] You walk in?

[2270] They can buy edibles.

[2271] Because I, that experience I had in Denver was unreal thing.

[2272] They're called bud tenders.

[2273] Isn't that hilarious?

[2274] It's so funny.

[2275] Jamie, tell about that place that you went to yesterday?

[2276] It's like the genius bar.

[2277] Yeah, there's a place like it's actually, it's on Santa Monica and you're like Crescent Heights.

[2278] There's most of the stores here and even like in Denver, you can't see anything.

[2279] You can't see inside from the street.

[2280] This is like big glass windows.

[2281] You can look right inside and it's like an Apple store.

[2282] Tables with iPads on them with all the different strains on it, a little jar to like look inside.

[2283] You can smell it.

[2284] And you walk up to the thing and they'd like bring it out from the back like your eighths or your quarters.

[2285] Do you remember the name of this joint?

[2286] It's called Medmen, I believe is what it was called.

[2287] Medmed.

[2288] Med men, like men men.

[2289] Men, men, men.

[2290] That's funny.

[2291] That's funny.

[2292] It was a cool story.

[2293] Yeah, the way they have it set up in Denver, it's like you're getting a little line, and then they're like, next please.

[2294] Like, you know, and then you go up to the lady, she's like, hi, what are you looking to do?

[2295] You know, you're like, well, I don't know, I guess get high, you know, and then she just helps you through your journey.

[2296] I got my first medical marijuana card, I think it was in like 2000 or something like that.

[2297] I forget what year it was, but I used to go to a place called the Englewood Wellness Center.

[2298] It was the only place where you could get legal weed that I knew about because of my connections, I would go down to Englewood, the hood, D -A -H -O -O -O -D, and I was going there for a while until one of the guys that was working there got shot.

[2299] They got robbed and he got shot in the stomach while I was a patron there.

[2300] I wasn't there the day that had happened, but it was the place that I was going.

[2301] I was like, okay, it looks like I'm getting my weed in a different spot now.

[2302] Yeah, that's a good call.

[2303] Fuck, man. Because they, you know, they were getting, they weren't allowed to buy things with credit cards.

[2304] So you would go there and you would have to use cash.

[2305] And I guess, you know, they had a bunch of cash on hand and people were getting shot.

[2306] I don't know, actually, if they were allowed to use credit cards back then.

[2307] But now you can.

[2308] I mean, now it's essentially, like, full out.

[2309] But in Denver, they're having real issues still because they won't let them deposit money the same way.

[2310] Like, you have to get cash for a lot of the places we're only allowing them to get cash.

[2311] and then you have to bring this cash to like safe deposit boxes and stuff and it was like real sketchy right they were hiring mercs they were hiring mercenaries to carry their cash around so they have these you know former uh maybe seals and shit carrying fucking m16s walking around with bags of cash worried about being robbed and people did get robbed that's crazy no sketchy stuff i mean my experience there was like because i edibles were something i never really liked i did them once when i was like in college like the end of college and I was in Amsterdam and I ate like a space cake, you know.

[2312] And it was great.

[2313] I had a great time.

[2314] And then the next day we were leaving.

[2315] I was with my friends and we were getting on a train at Brussels.

[2316] And I ate two space cakes because I was like yesterday's space cake.

[2317] Dude, I was on a train for like four hours in a tunnel.

[2318] Like, give me all this fucking train, dude.

[2319] And I like, I vividly remembered.

[2320] I was like, I will never do this again.

[2321] And then when, but now they're like, it's like portioned out.

[2322] You know, like when you go to Denver, she's like one gummy bear, try it.

[2323] It's 10 milligrams of marijuana, try half.

[2324] I think they have a rule now.

[2325] They sell them to you in these.

[2326] When I was in Denver, I bought these tubes, and the tube had 10 gummy bears in it.

[2327] And each one was 10 milligrams.

[2328] Yep.

[2329] And so if you eat the whole one, you go to space.

[2330] Yeah.

[2331] You eat the whole tube, you go to space, or you can do it like one gummy at a time.

[2332] They were gum drops.

[2333] They weren't bears.

[2334] Yeah, but that's what, yeah, that's exactly what.

[2335] That night I was out with you and Chappelle, I had a pocketful of those things.

[2336] Yeah, I gave you one of those tubes that we had a bunch of them sitting back there.

[2337] I'm like, I'm not going to take these with them.

[2338] Yeah, and I also had the little caramels, too.

[2339] Those things are good.

[2340] You just got to get them from a reliable source.

[2341] Yeah.

[2342] You get them from a reliable source, and they're consistent, then you're okay.

[2343] But you take some big chances when you take an edible from somebody.

[2344] No kidding.

[2345] I never do it.

[2346] I won't do it.

[2347] People are like, oh, I made brownies.

[2348] I'm like, good luck, dude.

[2349] Good luck.

[2350] Especially somebody who makes them themselves.

[2351] Oh, my God, it's so shady.

[2352] Fuck you.

[2353] Anytime anyone makes something themselves for some reason, I'm always like, mm -hmm, what's your kitchen look like, you know?

[2354] I went into a Chinese restaurant kitchen the other day.

[2355] It was a really good restaurant.

[2356] I'm like, where's your bathroom?

[2357] They go in the back and I walked through this like hallway and past the kitchen.

[2358] I was like, whoop, not eating here again.

[2359] Ever.

[2360] Jesus Christ.

[2361] Well, that happens a lot of comedy clubs, right?

[2362] You go through the kitchen to get to the green room.

[2363] And then they're like, what do you want for food?

[2364] You're like, anything deep fried?

[2365] Yeah.

[2366] Anything that's been murdered.

[2367] So what's going on there, dude.

[2368] All the fucking bugs that possibly could be all of just torched away by boiling oil.

[2369] Yes, exactly.

[2370] Yeah.

[2371] And then you're just eating shit.

[2372] When you go on the road, do you bring.

[2373] food like do you bring your healthy shit with you well if the real if the hotel room has one of them little mini refrigerators it'll go to a whole foods and i'll get like kombucha and healthy food and snacks and stuff like that but i'm pretty strict with my diet i don't i just don't eat too much shit i'll allow i do what i call it 80 20 diet i give i give myself 80 % healthy food and 20 % of time i'll fuck off so i'll fuck off like one day a week so anything you want yeah i'll eat cheese burgers i'll eat fries i'll eat a milkshake but it's only like one day a week You know, and I just, it's just not worth it.

[2374] I've done it too many times where I've eaten bad on the road.

[2375] And then by the time Sunday rolls around, you're like, oh.

[2376] The road's tough, though.

[2377] It's hard because you have to like.

[2378] Do you bring vitamins?

[2379] Yeah.

[2380] You do?

[2381] No, I do.

[2382] Yeah, no I do.

[2383] I bring vitamins.

[2384] I bring probiotics.

[2385] My company on it has this thing called Total Gut Health.

[2386] So I bring these packets of probiotics.

[2387] I think that's super important.

[2388] And it's all live stuff that exists off the substrate that's in the capsule so that you can actually get real live probiotics.

[2389] And then I eat probiotics, too.

[2390] All that stuff.

[2391] is really important if you want to maintain your immune system yeah yeah so that stuff and then just that's what i've been struggling with salads just i get like i get like right now like i'm not sick but like i always have like i'm always fighting off like a sore throat or you know because i'm on planes do you work out on the road uh not really that's the thing too man yeah it's got to force yourself something about being on the road it's like i'm just laying in bed eating sandwiches like that's what i do don't you feel like a little drained from the flight itself yeah it's like oh you just feel gross yeah and then uh yeah and it's like about By the way, that's the other thing, too, like, with America right now.

[2392] Like, I never have posted a picture of food in my entire life.

[2393] I posted a photo of a Jimmy John's sandwich when I was in Chicago, just because we don't have Jimmy Johns in New York, so I was like, oh, great, Jimmy Johns, I love it.

[2394] People are like, you can't eat Jimmy Johns.

[2395] He's a, da, da, da, da, he's a this.

[2396] The guy Jimmy John's a hunter, and he's a, nah, no, I'm like.

[2397] Jimmy John's a bad guy?

[2398] Apparently.

[2399] What did Jimmy John do?

[2400] I guess, I don't know.

[2401] Let's find out.

[2402] He goes and hunts, like, big game.

[2403] He's a big game hunter.

[2404] Oh, like elephants and shit?

[2405] That kind of stuff?

[2406] Let's pull it up.

[2407] Let's find out what he's doing.

[2408] And he, and then people were going, and then somebody goes, and he's a Republican.

[2409] I go, look, I said, the big game hunting thing I'll give you.

[2410] But if I can't eat food made by a Republican, we're like, good luck finding a good steak.

[2411] What are you think those ranchers are?

[2412] But I love that people think that that's evil being a Republican.

[2413] It's like, what?

[2414] It's crazy.

[2415] Ron Paul wasn't evil.

[2416] There's a lot of people that are Republicans that would fit into a lot of people's ideas of what would be a reasonable politician.

[2417] It's just we think of Republican.

[2418] We think of the rightest of the right wing, the hardest of the hard sell.

[2419] I mean, to me, the biggest issue is the environment, you know.

[2420] That's huge.

[2421] Well, he just fucking...

[2422] Environment and human and people having rights.

[2423] Like, that's my biggest fear about right now is, like, gay people.

[2424] Like, I'm worried that they're not going to be able to get married.

[2425] You know, like, those are...

[2426] You worried gay people aren't going to be able to get married?

[2427] Pull up to that microphone a little bit closer to their phone.

[2428] I'm worried that, like, that could go away, you know?

[2429] Really?

[2430] Yeah.

[2431] You think that can happen?

[2432] Well, I mean...

[2433] I think gay people would be psyched.

[2434] You're like, good, I have to pay that bitch.

[2435] I'm tired of paying him.

[2436] I just feel like rights to me are the one thing that you can't fuck with, you know.

[2437] That's one right.

[2438] I wish they'd make straight marriage illegal.

[2439] Jimmy John's gourmet sandwiches.

[2440] Whoa, he kills leopards.

[2441] Yeah, yeah.

[2442] Okay, well, the ram on the upper left -hand corner, got no problem with that because you eat rams, and they're delicious.

[2443] They're sheep, and then also you spend a lot of money to hunt one of those things, and that money directly goes to conservation.

[2444] The bear, that's a grizzly bear.

[2445] It's a brown bear.

[2446] You don't eat those.

[2447] But you do have to kill some of them.

[2448] of those.

[2449] There is an issue in North America where they have too many grizzly bears in certain areas like in Alaska.

[2450] You actually have to kill a certain amount of them in order to keep the moose population stable because the bears eat all the moose cabs.

[2451] But are you assuming that that's the place he's doing?

[2452] No, that's definitely a brown bear and that looks like Alaska.

[2453] I'm assuming that's with that.

[2454] Well, most places that you kill brown bears, if it is legal, if he's killing that bear legally, which I assume it is because he's taking a photo of it, you have to have, I mean, You spend so much money to kill those things, and that money directly goes to conservation.

[2455] It's a real catch -22, because the only reason why those things are alive and exist in high populations and aren't decimated, and then their wildlife habitat is protected, especially protecting habitat and wetlands for birds, for migrating birds, all that stuff comes from conservation money, which all comes from hunting.

[2456] Hunting is absolutely the number one biggest source of conservation for wildlife in the United States of America, far no debate about it but then you see him in the upper right end corner he's got a leopard okay that's real tough to defend because uh he's not eating that fucking leopard and you're shooting that leopard you're just shooting it for a trophy yeah i mean it's just so fucked up to me that anybody would do that elephants yeah okay but the deer in the low in the middle bottom zero problem yeah that's that's food not only that two million car accidents in the united states every year excuse me 1 .5 million car accidents in the United States every year from people hitting deer, and 200 people die because of accidents involving people hitting deer with cars.

[2457] And unless you want to bring in wolves and mountain lions and overpopulate the suburbs with them, you're going to have a problem with deer populations unless you have hunters.

[2458] That's just a fact.

[2459] And in places like the Hamptons, they're actually hiring snipers to go out and shoot him.

[2460] He killed a fucking rhino?

[2461] That's so fucked up.

[2462] He killed an elephant.

[2463] Look at him with a double thumbs up with an elephant.

[2464] Yeah, so I found out about that Now I can't have sandwiches anymore You know Yeah, oh, he killed a fucking giraffe Yeah, he just kills everything He killed a rhino Is that a lion?

[2465] Yep Jesus Christ Yeah It's all real sketchy stuff man It's real sketchy stuff Because in Africa There's a great documentary that Louis Theroux did About African hunting farms These wildlife sanctuaries That they have in Africa Where they just hunt on them these big high fence operations.

[2466] Africa was on the verge.

[2467] These animals were on the verge of extinction just a few decades ago.

[2468] And now they're thriving and unheard of populations.

[2469] But it's only because people are paying to go over there and hunt them.

[2470] So they protect these animals.

[2471] And then what's even more fucked up, they use the term poacher all the time.

[2472] You know, these people are poaching.

[2473] Most of the time you think of poaching, you think, well, poachers are bad because poachers are the people that are killing elephants for their ivory.

[2474] They're killing rhinos for their horns.

[2475] But a lot of what poaching is is poor people that are just trying to eat.

[2476] Right.

[2477] And you know what they do to those poachers?

[2478] They fucking murder them, man. They shoot them on site.

[2479] So if someone's killing like a, you know, a black buck or something like that, one of the game animals that they have that they eat, they're shooting at these people.

[2480] They're shooting at them, killing them left and right.

[2481] That's crazy.

[2482] They're leaving their bodies for the hyenas to eat.

[2483] Did you see the tiger thing that happened the other day with the, yeah, with the, I didn't even understand that when I was reading about it, that they were like, oh, that's a tiger farm.

[2484] I'm like, what that was a tiger farm?

[2485] Like that bummed me out, man. well people in do you know this this is a fact we'll close on this because this is from my last Netflix special but it's true there's more tigers in captivity in Texas than there are in all the wild of the world what yeah more tigers in people's backyards in private collections in Texas than the rest of the planet earth but just people who own pet tigers yep Texas has no rules Texas is a really fucked up place for people that think that you know the government shouldn't own land.

[2486] Like there's a lot of people that think that the state federal government shouldn't own land.

[2487] They should give it to the state.

[2488] The problem with that is a state will then sell it off.

[2489] And a good example that is Texas of what could happen is Texas has very little public land.

[2490] Texas is almost all private land.

[2491] So a lot of the hunting in Texas is all on private ranches.

[2492] And in these private ranches, you can kind of do whatever the fuck you want.

[2493] And they bring in all these animals from all over the world.

[2494] Like there's an animal called a scimitar oryx.

[2495] And oryx in Africa I think they're Asian animal I forget where they're from but wherever they're from maybe India hmm wherever they're from they're very endangered not in Texas and Texas is fucking thousands of them they're all over the place in these ranches so you can go and hunt what in its native country you wouldn't hunt because there's small populations of them but in Texas they encourage hunting of them because they have overpopulation that animal right there simitar horned oryx Wow.

[2496] So you can go to these places in Texas and you can fucking shoot those guys.

[2497] Yeah, that's where, um, and they're delicious.

[2498] That's where, what's his name, died, uh, uh, justice, the Supreme Court, what tells the name?

[2499] Oh, yeah, he died.

[2500] They think they, they whacked him.

[2501] Well, he'll think they whacked him.

[2502] Well, he had died with a pillow on his face.

[2503] Did he?

[2504] Yeah, but there was like, there was, there was a little bit of like.

[2505] Is that what happened?

[2506] Yeah.

[2507] You know, in the naked gun when he throws a pillow out of him?

[2508] Yeah.

[2509] He can't get out of it.

[2510] Yeah.

[2511] I'll tell you what.

[2512] Wasn't he really old?

[2513] He was like 70.

[2514] Wasn't that old.

[2515] And he died with a pillow in his face?

[2516] He was snoring in his wife, just you fucking con. I think he was alone.

[2517] Enough.

[2518] Yeah, he probably just had a heart attack.

[2519] He was kind of fat.

[2520] What was his name?

[2521] Justice Scalia?

[2522] Scalia?

[2523] Yeah, he was kind of a dick, though.

[2524] Was he?

[2525] Yeah, well, he was a super right -wing guy, right?

[2526] Yeah.

[2527] Well, but not just right -wing guy.

[2528] Yeah, look.

[2529] There it is.

[2530] There's the pillow.

[2531] There's the murder.

[2532] I found Scalia dead with a pillow over his head, ranch over.

[2533] Well, he might have put that pillow over his head because people were talking in the other room when he wanted to be quiet.

[2534] And then he'd put pillows over my head before people were talking.

[2535] We discovered a judge in bed a pillow over his head His bedclothes were unwrinkled So then he probably just died Yep 30 ,000 acre luxury ranch El Presente suite Yep He's 79, yeah 30 ,000 acres Fuck, that's huge Yeah, so these people would go to these ranches And they still do They go to these ranches And you can hunt wild African animals there That's nuts, man, I had no idea Yeah, well they're delicious animals too I've never hunted anything No?

[2536] Yeah Would you be interested in doing it?

[2537] I would be interested if I ate it I have no interest in killing something To do it But I eat meat So I always feel like Well you kind of When I was in Australia I spent like five days on a Sheep station Which like a big sheep for him It was amazing And I was like hurting sheep on a motorcycle It was amazing And that's cool So while I was there He slaughtered two sheep And I was like there when he slaughtered him And he like slaughtered him And he like slaughtered my hand I like brought him to the thing It was like really intense experience But that's what he does Like that's how this guy eats How do they slaughtered them To shoot them in the head Or they cut their neck?

[2538] No he just cut their neck and then he like hangs them upside down.

[2539] It was like a really intense thing to see.

[2540] Why don't they just shoot them?

[2541] Because if they shoot them, they die instantly.

[2542] I don't know.

[2543] Why would they cut their neck thing?

[2544] It seemed so cruel.

[2545] Yeah, it was weird.

[2546] It was me and these like four like Australian dudes like, all right, yeah.

[2547] And I was just standing there drinking a beer.

[2548] Like, yeah, totally.

[2549] Just cut a, cut a sheep's neck, man. That's how we do it on Long Island.

[2550] You know, I was like.

[2551] Yeah, East Hampton.

[2552] Yeah, where I grew up, we didn't cut any necks, you know.

[2553] I thought about doing a show where I take people hunting that I've never.

[2554] hunted like maybe comics but I just don't think it's the right way to approach hunting I just think it's too confusing it's too dark and it's also uh it would take it would make hunting a spectacle to me versus what it is now yeah I mean I would go like if I went with you and I went with people knew what they were doing but I you know yeah I mean I would do it I guess I don't know my problem is my also my hunting time is super precious I don't get that much of it I don't want to be teaching anybody I'm trying to figure it out myself course not yeah yeah and you go out with guys who are experts experts yeah yeah roy i got to wrap this up all right thanks for having me me please my my pleasure um tell people how to get a hold of you where they could see you what's your website what's your twitter my website's just my name rory albanese dot com spell it out so they're r o r y a l b a nes e s e dot com i'm doing a bunch of shows coming up i'm in webster new york i'm in san antonio texas on the 16th webster new york this weekend i'm down at zanies in tennessee doing a secret show in Philadelphia on 315, but I'm not supposed to talk about that.

[2555] Then I got a bunch of dates in May. Just check out my website.

[2556] And my name, Instagram, Rory Albany's, Twitter, all those things.

[2557] Check them out, folks.

[2558] He's a funny motherfucker.

[2559] We'll do this more often.

[2560] Thanks, brother.

[2561] I appreciate it, man. My pleasure.

[2562] Bye.