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[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Goodbye.
[16] And this is what my dad says, did you get me on you?
[17] My mom says, my mom goes like this.
[18] as if it was slender and it's their terrain.
[19] Georgia shakes the walls with her burps.
[20] She's Homer Simpson.
[21] Yeah, your upper lip shake.
[22] Or no, she calls me what was the guy's name?
[23] Barney?
[24] Barney.
[25] Oh, yeah.
[26] He's the burp.
[27] That was recorded.
[28] Great.
[29] All right.
[30] The face of excited of the face of hating my own guts for having looked so excited I'm Kelly Rippa it's your show face you're trying to put on show face I get it I don't have you know what there's no show face necessary in this podcast no hell no there's no censoring and there's no proper intro hello welcome to my favorite murder the Minnesota the Minnesota Minnesota what's up hi um Um, this is the podcast, right, where we read your hometown murders.
[31] You sent to us.
[32] Um, they could be hometown murders.
[33] They could be, uh, hometown EMT stories.
[34] Um, we'd love first responders, nurses out there.
[35] First responders, any kind of, any, uh, emergency, emergency experience you've had.
[36] And now, I think we're floating slightly and lightly into the haunting area.
[37] Ooh, ooh, ooh.
[38] I'll take one of those every month.
[39] Right.
[40] That's definitely.
[41] Because we kind of said that last time.
[42] Are you telling me you have one?
[43] Yeah, girl.
[44] You know that if we say something.
[45] I thought that was a tease.
[46] Now I just realized suddenly that it's because you might, because I heard when we were looking over our notes, I heard you gasp.
[47] And then I was like, oh my God.
[48] Oh, God.
[49] Stephen, we're not paying attention, but Stephen's definitely paying attention.
[50] Yeah.
[51] That's the good news about this podcast.
[52] I mean, we don't.
[53] I mean, we can't.
[54] We won't.
[55] And we mean to, but we can't.
[56] Absolutely mean.
[57] Best intentions.
[58] My favorite murder.
[59] Best intentions.
[60] Best intentions.
[61] Kind of.
[62] Bad execution.
[63] Okay.
[64] Okay.
[65] So, let's see.
[66] I've got a couple.
[67] Let's start with the first one.
[68] My Ghost Uncle Jerry.
[69] Oh, my God.
[70] Oh, my God.
[71] Oh, God.
[72] Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and other animals.
[73] Thanks for being badass mofos.
[74] I recently moved to Milwaukee.
[75] Shout out to our boy, Jeffrey Dolma.
[76] Oh, my God.
[77] I was taking a sip of...
[78] to just spit her drink.
[79] Dan Harmon's whiskey that I stole from the other room.
[80] Yes.
[81] Turns out I live less than a mile from his apartment, Jeffrey Dahmer's apartment and shit.
[82] In the never -ending struggle of making friends in a new city, I've been able to bond with many people over this podcast.
[83] Y 'all are wonderful, never changed.
[84] I love that.
[85] I love that so much.
[86] Remember how hard it is to make friends in life?
[87] Remember?
[88] Especially when you're, the older you get, the weirder it is to need friends.
[89] And remember how, do you know how exciting it is?
[90] well you and this is how we started the podcast to meet someone who's like oh we we're not trying to have this conversation we're excited about this conversation the conversation was already happening we jumped in and realized looking at each other this is this was meant to be and it was about murder so we totally i love that so much it's the best bond everyone bond over murder yeah we love it they're already doing it okay so anyway you mentioned you might like some hometown stories about hauntings well i have one for you that is a hint of the six sense but I find more comforting than spooky because it involves occasional visits from my uncle Jerry who died in 1986.
[91] Jerry was in a car accident and was killed when he was thrown from the vehicle.
[92] He died on his 21st birthday.
[93] Oh, honey.
[94] It's awful.
[95] A week before, he was supposed to graduate from college.
[96] I never met him, but from how my parents describe him, I could tell that he was fun -loving, charismatic life -of -the -party kind of guy.
[97] His death was extremely tragic for my family, I'm sure it was.
[98] Flash forward to 2009 when I'm a high school sophomore In my English class We were talking about certain children Having a deep connection with the supernatural Because that's what you do in high school English class Cool teacher And oftentimes children will have imaginary friends That turn out to be ghosts or spirits Or whatever you want to call them Right?
[99] At the time my youngest brother Dominic was seven years old And I could not wait to go home that afternoon And interrogate him about any potential imaginary friends he's had So after school the two of us were playing video games in our basement and I asked him if he had any imaginary friends to which he responded, yes, I used to have one named Jerry.
[100] When I heard this, my stomach dropped.
[101] I then asked him what he remembers about his imaginary friend and he said, not much, just that he doesn't like to wear a seatbelt.
[102] Stop, no, stop, no, don't keep going.
[103] Chills.
[104] Right?
[105] Well, her next line is literally what the fuck.
[106] Oh.
[107] Like, out of all the things that he could say to describe him, that's what he said.
[108] At that age, there was no way that my brother knew the details of our uncle's death or would have the awareness to put it all together.
[109] Later that evening, I told my mom about our conversation and she didn't act surprised at all.
[110] In fact, she told me that when he was younger, my brother would not let my mom back the car out of the driveway until he had buckled up.
[111] Oh, my God.
[112] Jerry, who was sitting next to him.
[113] Oh, until he had buckled up Jerry, who was sitting next to my God.
[114] Oh, my God.
[115] The mom must have been like, okay, you little psychopath.
[116] I mean, also knowing the whole story, it's just like, I personally never have, I personally have never had any interactions with my ghost Uncle Jerry, but I find it kind of heartwarming that he's still hanging out with us.
[117] Thanks for letting me share the story with you.
[118] I believe that not all ghosts are scary, bad ghosts, and Jerry is a testament to that.
[119] Stay sexy and wear your seatbelt, Michael.
[120] Oh, Jerry.
[121] I love that.
[122] God bless you.
[123] I mean That's crazy So good Yeah Okay this is no point But when I hear like My uncle died at this point I always think of like an older uncle But then you realize like Your uncle is 21 Technically is your uncle Even though you never met him Yeah And you're older than I am It just makes me sad Yeah Yeah All right How about Do you want Okay David Lee Roth impersonator And some satanic Bibles I don't care what else.
[124] No, that's the only choice.
[125] I wasn't asking you anymore.
[126] Okay.
[127] That was it.
[128] That was it.
[129] Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, Stephen.
[130] It's spelled a different way.
[131] Oh, okay.
[132] And assorted animals.
[133] This is a hometown murder story that involves everything I love.
[134] Celebrity impersonators, loose satanic connections, love triangles, and insanity defenses.
[135] Yes.
[136] In 1988 in Cambridge, Ontario, Rowena Parsons was murdered, having been stabbed 70 times with an eight -inch carving knife by Kimberly, by Kimberly Blinkhorn.
[137] It turns out Kimberly's defense was that she had been controlled by her boyfriend, David Kuntz.
[138] Trust me, he lives up to his name, to murder his ex -fiancee Rowena.
[139] He told her that it was her job to kill Parsons, and she testified that K -U -N -T -Z told her that he'd sold his soul to the devil, but during that trial, he said, it's just an expression, you sold your soul to rock and roll.
[140] What a D -bag.
[141] Apparently, they found some satanic Bibles around the house, too, so that, of course, made the news, even though most of us murderinos know that some bullshit evidence of nothing, that is some bullshit evidence of nothing most of the time.
[142] The worst part of it was that Rowena was murdered in front of her and David's three -year -old daughter.
[143] No, God, no. Kimberly was found not guilty of Rowena's murder by reason of insanity and sentenced to secure custody in a mental, hospital.
[144] He was never charged.
[145] Flash forward in 2008 and dude was pulled over driving erratically and told police he was both suffering from an allergic reaction to nuts and he was David Lee Roth.
[146] Oh.
[147] Those are two.
[148] Does it does one start and then cause the other?
[149] I don't know.
[150] Pick one of those.
[151] You know what I mean?
[152] You get a handful of cashews and also I'm David Lee Roth.
[153] You're just jumping with your leg straight up in the air.
[154] Apparently following the brutal murder of his mother's child of his, the mother of his child, he went on to impersonate Roth.
[155] The cops brought him to the hospital, but after he was discharged or left on his own, wasn't super clear.
[156] He was seen at a local bar with two women dressed in scrubs.
[157] He also convinced a bar, seemingly filled with blind patrons, that he was David Lee Roth and got up to perform with the house band.
[158] Some news sources were even reported, reporting that was actually David Lee Ross who was driving.
[159] David Lee Ross, like, what the fuck?
[160] I'm not allergic to nuts.
[161] Anyway, the guy is a creep who doesn't look like Roth and is now facing child sex charges in British Columbia.
[162] Maybe he'll actually get punishment for something this time.
[163] I'm sure glad.
[164] I'm sure he'd be great at the prison talent show.
[165] Keep up the good work.
[166] You're helping this junior lawyer survive long hours and unbelievable professional self -doubt.
[167] Much love from Canada, Courtney.
[168] Courtney.
[169] Don't doubt yourself.
[170] You stood out from the crowd.
[171] You're doing it.
[172] You're making it happen.
[173] And that story was every, it went in every direction.
[174] It was insanity.
[175] Bigger dummies than you have lawyered.
[176] Hell yes.
[177] And so you can't do.
[178] All you have to do is focus.
[179] Yeah.
[180] You pass that bar.
[181] Yeah.
[182] And then write some wrongs.
[183] And then defend us.
[184] And then, inevitable trial.
[185] Please help us.
[186] Okay.
[187] Let's see.
[188] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[189] Absolutely.
[190] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.
[191] Exactly.
[192] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[193] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[194] That's right.
[195] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in store, on social media, and beyond.
[196] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[197] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.
[198] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[199] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[200] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.
[201] Connect with customers inline and online.
[202] Do retail right with Shopify.
[203] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[204] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.
[205] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.
[206] That Shopify dot com slash murder.
[207] Goodbye.
[208] Hey, this is exciting.
[209] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[210] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.
[211] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[212] Who killed Saz?
[213] And were they really after Charles?
[214] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[215] This season, murder hits close to home.
[216] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[217] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[218] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[219] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[220] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[221] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[222] Bye.
[223] I'm trying to figure out.
[224] I have another haunting one, and then I have...
[225] Why don't you do three, and I'll do two.
[226] Okay.
[227] Okay.
[228] So, okay, this one is hometown haunted field?
[229] Question marks.
[230] Question mark.
[231] Hi, Karen.
[232] Georgia.
[233] Mimi, Stephen, Frank, George, and the most handsome Elvis.
[234] You mentioned that we could send in stories of haunting, so I wanted to share a strange story from my childhood.
[235] I grew up in a town called Nixa in Missouri, in Missouri, which is where Jason Bourne claimed to have been born in the born supremacy.
[236] That was complicated.
[237] Pertheses.
[238] Parentheses, that's interesting because there is no hospital in Nixa must have been a home birth.
[239] Hilarious.
[240] When I was pretty little, probably around first grade, we lived in a house that backed up to a big open field, and my bedroom that I shared with my sister was on the back of the house.
[241] So our bedroom window looked out over the field.
[242] One summer day, I was sitting in my window seat with the window open coloring in a coloring book.
[243] Already so scary.
[244] Suddenly.
[245] That was cute.
[246] Suddenly, I was drawing Satan.
[247] There was blood coming out of the ceiling.
[248] Okay, suddenly, I heard the voice of a child say, Mommy.
[249] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And kind of whimper.
[250] Oh, no. It came from outside, so I looked out the window to the field and to the yards next to us.
[251] As far as I could see, there was no one in sight.
[252] I ran to my mom, and she said I probably imagined it.
[253] I knew I had heard it, though, and I told my sister, too.
[254] About a year later, my sister and I were sitting in the window seat together, the window open, once again, out of nowhere, I heard the voice, Mommy, and the exact same whimpering.
[255] Shocked, I looked at my sister and said, okay, you heard that, right?
[256] And she shook her head, yes.
[257] I told her that was exactly what I'd heard the year before.
[258] We were both freaked out.
[259] Fast forward to high school.
[260] My family had long since moved out of that house, and a new neighborhood had been built in that field.
[261] Oh, don't build a neighbor.
[262] It's this poltergeist.
[263] Oh, shit, oh, shit.
[264] I ended up babysitting for a family who lived in a house that was in.
[265] the new neighborhood.
[266] On the second day of my babysitting job, I'd used the toilet that was inside the laundry room and was zipping up my pants when out of nowhere.
[267] A candle fell off the back of the toilet and spilled melted wax all over my jeans.
[268] Thinking back on it, I have no idea why there was a lit candle in that room because I definitely hadn't lit it myself, neither had the kids.
[269] I also could not figure out how the candle had fallen off the toilet because I didn't bump it.
[270] There was wax everywhere all over me and all over the floor.
[271] I spent the next hour trying to scrape wax off the floor with a knife.
[272] Sometimes I would get to their house before the girls got off the school bus, and I would watch TV in their basement while I waited on them.
[273] Many times I would hear and see the lights on the basement stairs go on and off.
[274] As far as I know, they weren't on a timer, and they would go on and off sporadically.
[275] I tried not to think about it too much.
[276] Then one day I was there by myself watching TV in the basement.
[277] I heard loud banging upstairs.
[278] Oh, my God, oh my God.
[279] What it sounded like was something falling hard, something metal.
[280] It was so loud, it happened three times, not in a regular pattern.
[281] I was absolutely sure someone had come into the house and I was completely frozen in terror.
[282] Eventually, I forced myself to go upstairs because if there did happen to be an intruder, I did not want little girls to walk in on him or her when they got home.
[283] Hero.
[284] God's work.
[285] I called a friend so that he would be on the phone with me in case something happened to me. Such a high school solution.
[286] I love that's so smart.
[287] Stay on the phone with me. Stay on the phone with me. I was scared out of my mind.
[288] Honestly, sure, I was going to see something I did not want to.
[289] I slowly crept through the upstairs rooms, didn't see anything abnormal until I reached the laundry room.
[290] There was a jar candle lying on its side on the floor.
[291] I remembered the sound I'd heard and could picture the candle being thrown against the washing machine, which would have made exactly the sound that I heard.
[292] I was absolutely completely creeped out.
[293] I went and stood in the dining room, looking out the window, talking to my friend on the phone until the girls got home.
[294] I, of course, never told them.
[295] I didn't think it was a coincidence that I heard strange things coming from that field when I was little and experienced more strange things in the house that was built in the field years later.
[296] I've always wondered if the field was part of an Indian burial ground or something.
[297] Whatever it was, I would definitely never buy a home in that house in that neighborhood.
[298] That house was too new to have already taken a haunting of its own.
[299] It must have come from the field.
[300] That's it, peeps.
[301] I love love your podcast.
[302] I've gotten my husband and some friends hooked on it, too.
[303] Always stay sexy.
[304] Please, for the love of God, do not get murdered.
[305] Love Tessa.
[306] That's scary.
[307] A ghost in a new house scares me more than anything.
[308] Because you can explain a ghost in an old house.
[309] Something happened there at some point.
[310] Yeah.
[311] Like, what was that movie where there was a demon that killed the girl?
[312] What was it called?
[313] Anyways.
[314] The conjuring?
[315] Yeah.
[316] No, yeah, maybe.
[317] Where's there any dolls involved?
[318] No, it was like a. closet and like her house had been lit on fire when she was a kid or something like that and there's like a demon everyone's yelling it new house new build i think there's a bunch of movies was that was that thing where there was the big black mark on the closet probably yeah i mean i go see these terrible movies all the time stephen no i didn't give enough information for anyone to know what it is was even hawk in it no it wasn't anyone famous it was like and they were videotaping oh forget it was the whole thing the videotaping was it the one more activity Yes.
[319] Nice one, Stephen.
[320] Ding, ding.
[321] Yeah, so new house, I can't handle that.
[322] What do you think?
[323] Have you ever seen a ghost?
[324] Have you ever been, like, gotten?
[325] Yeah, I know your story.
[326] Yeah, I just have that one.
[327] Yeah.
[328] Yeah, I looked at you like, how dare you.
[329] It's a big one, though.
[330] No, I can't tell it.
[331] I can't tell it now.
[332] But if you go on to slumber party with Georgia Nally, you can hear me tell the whole story.
[333] Yeah.
[334] Okay, here's the next one.
[335] We made friends with the guy who robbed us.
[336] Hi, Karen, Georgia, and Stephen.
[337] A friend of mine got me in your podcast last year, and I've been hooked ever since.
[338] I've tried so many podcasts, but only you guys have the right balance of comedy and murder.
[339] I knew those two things could go young and hand.
[340] Thank you.
[341] Other people don't have the right balance of comedy and more.
[342] A few years ago, my husband, Adam and I woke up in the middle of the night to the dog barking, and we noticed the power it was out.
[343] Adam yelled at the dog shut up, which she did, and we tried to go back to sleep.
[344] the dog's like fuck you guys i'm fine i'm doing my best fine i won't keep you from being dead soon after adam heard something in the house he bolted out of bed and the next thing i hear adam say is what are you doing here i hear another man's voice say get down on the ground and you won't get hurt by then my heart was pounding i covered my head with the covers and called the police whispering into the phone that someone was in our house while i was on the phone to the operator in my room Adam told the guy he had a wife and kids and he didn't want any trouble.
[345] The guy was shocked by this and they started having a conversation about how he thought the house would be empty and that he was from the area.
[346] Yeah.
[347] Adam continued to talk to this guy and managed to take the conversation outside where they sat on the front porch.
[348] Unaware that this was happening.
[349] I was still on the phone waiting for the police to arrive.
[350] Adam and the intruder saw the police car roll up outside the house and the intruder quickly grabbed Adam and brought him inside and told him to tell the police.
[351] police to go away.
[352] Oh, no. So that guy was on drugs.
[353] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[354] Okay, okay.
[355] Adam came into the bedroom and asked if I had called the police, which I said, of course.
[356] He instructed me to find a way to get rid of the police since the guy was in the house, potentially armed with our small kids sleeping nearby.
[357] Holy shit.
[358] I went to the front door and explained that it was a false alarm.
[359] We had heard strange noises.
[360] How scary to be doing that.
[361] And like, do you wink at the cop, you know?
[362] But no one was there.
[363] The policeman had a look around the outside of the house to check for any signs of a break -in, but found none.
[364] He noted our power had been out, so we turned it back on for us and said good night.
[365] Okay, so the guy that broke in turned the power off.
[366] Yeah.
[367] Oh.
[368] Once the police left, the intruder got friendly.
[369] He grabbed a pillow case and filled it with anything valuable he could find all the while telling us about himself and that his name was Peter.
[370] He stayed and talked to us and stole our stuff for 30 minutes.
[371] When he took Adam's laptop, Adam explained that he was a student and all his work, on that laptop and if he took it, he'd never get back that work.
[372] Peter took the laptop anyways.
[373] That dickhead!
[374] Once he left, we lay in her bed for an hour trying to sleep.
[375] No. What?
[376] Then the doorbell rang at 4 a .m. We thought it might be the police, but it was Peter, who had felt bad and returned Adam's laptop.
[377] What the fuck?
[378] In the morning.
[379] Why didn't they call the cops again and report it?
[380] In the morning, we looked through the house to see what was taken and discovered he had our car, which also had our house keys in it.
[381] We also found a prescription bottle of pills in our lounge room with Peter's name on it.
[382] Peter.
[383] We called the police who fingerprinted the place, including a cup he used at our place.
[384] Yes, he had a casual drink with Adam in our kitchen.
[385] The investigators and police said it was the funniest and craziest break in the story they'd ever heard.
[386] Hilarious.
[387] It was so famous in the police department that a lady I met a year later who worked in that department had heard our story.
[388] The police got Peter two days after the break -in, which was their second attempt after he escaped the first time they found him.
[389] Peter later wrote a letter of sincere apology and remorse to us.
[390] According to the prison chaplain, the letter he sent was sent on his own volition and would not be recognized by the prison as good behavior.
[391] We never spoke to Peter again, but I hope he's turned his life around.
[392] Oh my God.
[393] Thanks for your awesome podcast, guys.
[394] And thanks for taking the time to read my story, SSDGM, Anita.
[395] They have to be Mormons or Christians, right?
[396] Because no one is that good.
[397] No, I mean, yeah, Peter really crossed the line several times.
[398] It's not like he earned that goodwill.
[399] And the fact that they had the presence to calm him down and not freak the fuck out and, like, get him to hang out with them.
[400] And that show that they actually cared is, like, incredible.
[401] Except for it didn't keep that guy from stealing their shit.
[402] Yeah, but it could have gotten worse.
[403] Yeah, but here's the thing It didn't have to Because the cops came I know So like I know It's crazy It's so crazy Everything about it Everything about it is crazy I mean You know Did she say anything about Where she lived Um I don't remember any city Because it makes me think it was like a small town Yeah I'm picturing a small town No nothing about where they lived Wow Yeah Also that guy I mean dropping pill bottles It's like, dude.
[404] You are in need.
[405] I mean, go over a checklist before you turn the lights off in someone's house and break in it.
[406] What kind of pills do you?
[407] They weren't fucking, they weren't fucking cholesterol medication, I betcha.
[408] It was not, it was not statins.
[409] No. All right.
[410] This one is good.
[411] Subject line, friend almost killed by a wood chipper.
[412] Perfect.
[413] Hello, ladies.
[414] Hey, ladies, sorry.
[415] Hey, ladies, my name's Ali, and I'm from a town in Oregon where murder.
[416] aren't super common, but they do happen.
[417] The scary thing is that you never think it could happen to you or someone you know until it does.
[418] And when it happens, you realize that you and your friends are adults now living in the real world.
[419] Think that the truth.
[420] You're not quite the same person you used to be.
[421] I had a friend of a friend in high school.
[422] We'll call him Jason, who began work at a local logging company not long after graduation.
[423] Jason doesn't understand all social cues, but he's a very nice guy, wouldn't hurt a fly or insult anybody on purpose.
[424] It was not a ordinary day in September when someone tried to kill Jason.
[425] He was running a wood chipper when a guy he worked with, we'll call him Tim, picked him up from behind and tried to throw him in head first.
[426] What the fuck?
[427] It must have been by the grace of God that Jason put his arms out at the last possible second to stop his head from hitting the blades and he got out mostly unscathed.
[428] When he climbed out of the wood chipper, he noticed that Tim was running toward the company office.
[429] It was later revealed that Tim was going to try to tell the supervisors that there was a freak accident that killed Jason.
[430] Tim is currently facing life in prison.
[431] So he thought he was dead and he was running toward the office already.
[432] Yeah.
[433] Oh my God.
[434] What motivated Tim to throw Jason into a wood chipper is beyond me. I love your podcast.
[435] That's it.
[436] That's it.
[437] That's the whole story.
[438] I wanted more.
[439] I love your podcast.
[440] My boyfriend, I listen to it almost every day during our free time.
[441] Give Elvis a cookie for me. As always, stay sexy.
[442] Don't get murdered.
[443] Love.
[444] that's hilarious i just love it's fucking to the point yeah it's just like hey guess what stuff really fucked up shit happened but he also kind of victim blamed jason when he was like he would never purposely say anything insulting but he probably said something to see to talk to him about his mother i wonder i wonder that'd be amazing what a scary thing to find out well you know it's really funny this is not in any way a murder but uh the same a similar thing happened but not murder style where when I was probably like 10 and my cousin Stevie was maybe 16 they were clearing out a part of my Aunt Jean's ranch so it was my dad my cousin Stevie and like a couple other people and there was a wood chipper so they were just cutting down big eucalyptus branches and trees and throwing them in this chipper as they went to like clear an area and at one point Stevie threw in a branch it got caught on his shirt sleeve and it like the force of the throw of the of the branch started to pull his arm into the wood chipper and my dad turned around just by chance just in time and grabbed him and pulled it back out oh my god so if like my dad was still facing away my cousin's arm would have gone into this wood chipper oh you know i've never actually seen a wood chipper in real life because i'm from the fucking suburb yeah but i will not stand near anyone who has a saw an electric saw what do they call yeah yeah You mean a chainsaw?
[445] Chainsaw.
[446] Yeah.
[447] I will not be near one that's turned off.
[448] I will not go near one that's being held and turned off especially.
[449] And I will never, ever go near one that's on ever.
[450] I will just not come near you.
[451] That makes perfect sense.
[452] Like, if you've seen the videos where people are like, it's like America's funny -ass -home videos and they're like sawing a tree and then they fall off the fucking tree with the saw on.
[453] And I just, I start crying when I see this.
[454] It's like, no. Then you would have hated, we went to a haunted corn maze one year from Halloween.
[455] mean.
[456] No, no, no. And there was like six of us.
[457] And the whole, I never thought about it at all until it started and we walked in.
[458] And then of course, the whole point of a haunted corn maze is that you're walking through real corn.
[459] You have no like peripheral vision whatsoever.
[460] And then people jump out at you.
[461] That's like the whole thing.
[462] And the second it started, I was like, I hate this so much.
[463] I'm so angry.
[464] And we got through and it was just like actors doing actors stuff.
[465] But then near the end, you hear a chainsaw start up.
[466] No, no, no, no. And like, I know you can take the blades off of them.
[467] But I'm not.
[468] But I I don't care.
[469] It's still like, it's the thing of like, don't shoot a gun that you think is fucking empty.
[470] It might not be empty.
[471] It's like, well, that's still going to kind of hurt.
[472] Yeah, yeah.
[473] I just don't.
[474] They're very scary.
[475] I won't.
[476] And I can't.
[477] Have you ever watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre?
[478] Yeah, but it's been like too long.
[479] Yeah.
[480] It's very real.
[481] I don't want to watch it.
[482] No, I think you have to.
[483] We've done it.
[484] We did it again.
[485] You've done it.
[486] You did it again.
[487] We just delivered it to you.
[488] And thank you.
[489] And we appreciate it.
[490] And there you go.
[491] Send your hometown.
[492] you know, et cetera, et cetera.
[493] We don't need to keep telling you what you're going to my hometown.
[494] We just know that now the categories are endless.
[495] Yeah.
[496] If you have it something of interest, send it to us.
[497] You might not be wrong.
[498] Please just make sure it's true.
[499] Yeah.
[500] That's a key.
[501] If your friend, if your boyfriend's friend's brother, if it happened to him, unless it's fucking hardcore true and he testified in a trial against it about it.
[502] Right.
[503] Trial only.
[504] Right.
[505] That's the new category.
[506] That's my favorite murder at Gmail.
[507] Steven's name is spelled S -C -E -V -E -N.
[508] That's right.
[509] And stay sexy.
[510] And don't get murdered.
[511] Goodbye.
[512] Bye.