#326 - Bryan Callen

[0] podcast checking out the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day powerful brian callan ladies and gentlemen good to be here good to be here on the jr e good to be here with you my brother always always fun when i come off stage anywhere i am and people always go dude i listen to you on the joe rogan podcast like they that's so great because people it's such an experience for a lot of, especially young guys, it's kind of like their thing, and they think that in a way, they always come to me like, they're the only people on the planet that are actually listening, you know, they feel that way, there's an intimacy that they kind of have.

[1] It's kind of cool.

[2] They're always like, dude, just so you know, I listen to you on the Joe Rogan.

[3] I'm like, yes, thank you.

[4] It's a weird little fraternity of freaks.

[5] It's, it's, uh, I notice it's actually a lot of just young men looking for positive example and sort of, you know, direction, which is exactly what I needed when I was at it.

[6] It's Jesus Christ.

[7] They're looking for someone who's older than them to be telling them the fucking truth.

[8] That's right.

[9] About life, about insecurities, breeding, politics.

[10] And also telling them the way they feel is fine.

[11] Totally normal.

[12] I walked around my whole life feeling inappropriate because I'm a fucking carnivore.

[13] And, you know, just in a carnivore in a lot of sense.

[14] I mean, just like just having inappropriate thoughts all the time, you know, as a young guy going, I have monogamy well those two that girl has huge tits why don't want to go to a strip club hookers I can pay her to bang I can I can I why do I want to punch that guy in the face because he's because he's drinking weird at a water fountain you know what all those things that you kind of have these impulses of like I always would hang out with some people and they just seemed so civilized and I just always felt like it's like a criminal among fucking like I just felt like I don't know well it's not even you're not a bad guy by any stretch of the imagination but it's like What we were saying earlier during the commercials, which if you're listening to this on Sirius XM, which it is sometimes that part's missing, is the people that we know that are flawed, like the people that we know that are fucked up, like they seem to be the most enjoyable to be around.

[15] Oh, yeah.

[16] And not, but the key is not evil.

[17] Not evil.

[18] Fucked up and sweet.

[19] Exactly.

[20] Like Joey Diaz is fucked up and sweet.

[21] No, you've got to be ethical.

[22] You got to be ethical as a person, you know.

[23] Ethical meaning, you know, taking into account other people's feelings.

[24] and rights.

[25] I mean, you've got to make sure.

[26] But I think you and I always bonded on one major central issue.

[27] We were always honest with each other.

[28] Always.

[29] Even when we'd lie like we'd say something to each other, I'd like, I'd like say, they'd be like, I remember you did the same thing with them.

[30] We go, I said, you asked me a question and I said, yes.

[31] And then like three seconds that I go, no, not really, but yes, I want it to be, but that's not true.

[32] You know, as long as you're honest about how you feel, it doesn't matter.

[33] It doesn't matter.

[34] It doesn't matter.

[35] You know, you can come up to your friends and just be like, I fucked up, man, I'm, I'm, you know, I feel terrible.

[36] Even if you, even if you did something terrible, like, if you fuck your friend's girlfriend, like, or something crazy, which is like, yeah, it's a huge thing.

[37] No, I never have.

[38] But if you came to your friend and went, dude, I fucked your girlfriend, I'm a scumbag, punched me in the face, I'm a bad guy.

[39] It's really easy to forgive people when, when they kind of are just honest with, I fucked up.

[40] I made a mistake.

[41] I made a mistake.

[42] I'm weak.

[43] It's really hard to hate somebody for that.

[44] There's something very liberating about that.

[45] I'd say, when Tiger Woods gave that terrible speech about, you know, well, I take responsibility and I'm so wrote about it.

[46] I was like, Tiger, Tiger, get up in front of the world and go, hey, everybody, I've had to be perfect my whole life.

[47] And I feel bad about what I did.

[48] I embarrass my wife.

[49] I embarrassed everybody else.

[50] And I'm going to do the best I can.

[51] I'm going to try.

[52] I'm a flawed guy.

[53] I'm a flawed guy.

[54] I have these impulses.

[55] It's really hard for me. And I'm going to try the best I can to be a better person.

[56] And that's all I can offer, man. I would have been like, you're being a human being.

[57] You're really talking to me. Like somebody I can understand.

[58] Yeah.

[59] Because we're all way more forgiving, I think, than we give each other credit for it because we all know how we feel inside.

[60] We're all flawed.

[61] Yeah.

[62] You know, I think.

[63] Yeah.

[64] And I think that one of the things that people are looking in pretending that they're not flawed, you're, you're, that dishonesty that you have, if you're not, if you're not really, yeah, if you're not really looking at yourself accurately, like everybody that I've ever met, that's a con man, like real con artisty.

[65] Yeah.

[66] They've always seemed weird and fucked up.

[67] Always.

[68] Yeah.

[69] It's like when you're lying to other people, you're lying, you're also doing something to yourself.

[70] Yeah.

[71] He's just talking about, by the way.

[72] Are you talking about anyone in particular um probably but i mean you just started talking about like i don't have anybody specific in my mind we're just talking about we're just talking about life habits yeah and when you take shortcuts uh and you get away with them when you're younger and you think you get away with them the truth is we just were talking about this before the podcast there just aren't any shortcuts well they fucking they impede your development yeah when when something goes wrong you have to address it you address it and that's how you get better everything that i've ever done where i've fucked up on it made me better at everything i've ever done it's just uncomfortable you know that i'm sorry to interrupt that that comes from also learning how to talk to yourself and being nice to yourself yeah not being too hard on yourself either like this is a marathon not a sprint yeah take it easy on yourself you know and it also comes from building up like a database of you being a good person like you have to really believe in yourself as a person like you know but mistakes and fuckups and and things that you do along the line those are like huge important.

[73] They really are.

[74] Because when you're developing as a human being and you're a young person trying to make your way through life, you're going to come across these situations where you do not know how to behave correctly.

[75] Whether it's because of your emotions, whether it's because of your hormones, your insecurities, whatever the fuck it is, it's very possible for you to fuck up and make mistakes.

[76] But those mistakes are huge.

[77] All of those dumb things, those lefts when should have went rights.

[78] All of those things can be, as long as they don't kill you, you can learn a lot from them.

[79] I was talking about a guy named, I think is Bill Unger a long time ago who produced a true romance and all those movies.

[80] And I'd written something and I said, I'm trying to write this script, but it sucks.

[81] And he said, Brian, I know a lot of Academy Award winning writers.

[82] And I don't know one of them that doesn't have a trunk, a trunk full of scripts that are all shit.

[83] It took them a long time to get to that.

[84] Steven Soderberg, I read an interview, and he's done 26 movies, but he said, before sex lies in videotape, he had had five flops, you know, five terrible movies he made.

[85] He learned how to make a good movie by just making those mistakes.

[86] It's never, there are no exceptions.

[87] Yeah.

[88] Well, and if there are, I don't, I don't care.

[89] They're not relevant.

[90] That's right.

[91] Yeah, that's right.

[92] Maybe some people figure out our way through life without fucking up.

[93] Yeah, but, you know, even Malcolm Gladwell and Outliers was talking about Mozart, and we always say, well, Mozart was making music at six.

[94] I bet that music sucks.

[95] Exactly.

[96] He said his real music that we listened to didn't start for 10, 15 years.

[97] Literally, he was 18 when he was making the music that you can listen to.

[98] Yeah, I mean, that was not the shit on Mozart or anything like that.

[99] I think, but I think it's the mistakes and the flaws and the fuck -ups in life, they're so critical for a sense of humor.

[100] They're so critical for understanding boundaries and limitations.

[101] They're really critical, man. It's just, they suck when they happen, man. Like, bombing on stage is fucking terrible.

[102] But it's been one of, like, the biggest peaks in growth in my stand -up career have come after, like, horrible, like, just devastating bombings.

[103] Where I was like, oh, my God, I got to regroup.

[104] And then when I regrouped, boom, I came back, like, way better.

[105] Like, I just much more focused.

[106] I don't know what I had done that led me to bombing.

[107] I have, like, some peak bombings in my life where I go back and I look on them, like, real, like, life -changing bombings.

[108] I have like four, like, meteor holes in my past.

[109] Gregors ate a million dicks on stage.

[110] You're up there, and it's forever.

[111] I've had a few of those.

[112] But one of the biggest one of the, I think probably the biggest one I ever had was after Jim Brewer.

[113] Jim Brewer and I did a gig in, I think it was somewhere around New York City, like Nanuette or one of those places.

[114] And we had worked together all week.

[115] was, I should not have been headlining.

[116] I was not really ready to headline, but I was headlining.

[117] Like, I really didn't have 45 minutes.

[118] I just didn't.

[119] I could stretch it out.

[120] It wasn't that good.

[121] It was just, it was like the beginnings of me headlining.

[122] Right.

[123] And Brewer was, first of all, greatest guy in the world.

[124] Yeah, he's a great guy.

[125] I love Jim.

[126] Pure.

[127] So in the moment.

[128] It's a good guy.

[129] Yeah.

[130] You laugh and went, ha, ha, ha.

[131] He's a fucking, he's a funny guy.

[132] And he's funny as hell.

[133] Oh, he's hilarious.

[134] And he's such a sweetheart.

[135] man he's such a good guy well um i a whole bunch of factors contributed to this bombing first of all i i had decided to start dressing like very nice on stage because my i did that once i i i had leather shoes on i was like i i can't i can't i can't get my footing you slippery literally on ice i was like i can't i got because i'm so physical i was like i'm in leather shoes it was a disaster yeah i did that i wore like club shoes club pants a nice thin shiny belt oh my god it was so gross and i was i was i think you know i just looked ridiculous i always looked ridiculous but i looked extra ridiculous i was trying to be and brewer went up in front of me and fucking destroyed he caught this gear he used to do this bit about coming home his it was the bit was uh him coming home fucked up and his mother was just waking up screaming at him and like it it was like this demonic noise that he was got that face he looks like Donald Duck when he's like I'm not doing the bit justice because it was fucking hilarious and he was he was in just super kill mode you know how sometimes a comic just hits that super kill frequency with it just laying it down laying it down and I was backstage and I was like I can't follow this I cannot follow this I was like I'm not going to be able to follow this I just I knew I couldn't follow it I knew I couldn't follow it I didn't have that much I didn't have that much good material And the way my act was structured back then, I sucked.

[136] I had to do it in this order.

[137] Like I would start out with this.

[138] Yes, yes.

[139] I'd be off the rails and into the woods.

[140] I'd be dead.

[141] I had no flexibility.

[142] Right.

[143] So I went on and just, hey, dick.

[144] Oh, my God.

[145] It was so bad.

[146] It was one of the worst bombings ever.

[147] I just couldn't figure out how to be funny.

[148] I couldn't relax.

[149] Yeah.

[150] And it was on tape, dude.

[151] I wish I did.

[152] I have the first time I ever did.

[153] It'd be amazing.

[154] tape i'm i gotta find i wouldn't i wouldn't you know i would show it to people because it is important there's some videos of me sucking on uh rascal's comedy hour oh dude that you see that when i tweet it retweeted the other day your voice is so weird you were hi guys the boy the first time i ever saw you destroy was in and i'd actually never seen you know a lot of comedy and i was like 17 years ago at the comedy store at the main room uh there was this like nina hartley and some other like porn it was oh i know it was it was it was it was it was blue monday okay they called it and what they did was they would show like a bee porn movie right like it was like not really porn yes you know what i mean it was like they would like like dry hump and stuff and yeah they're like oh pretend they didn't see any dicks going into vaginas or anything but they were it was really first time i saw your tiger bit oh it was so it destroyed i was like what the fuck because it because it was all these girls and you were like this young animal You were just like, and you go, look at all these sluts.

[155] The guy was talking about sluts.

[156] He goes, I don't think there's anything wrong with sluts.

[157] I think they're great.

[158] You know, and everybody's like, what, what do you say?

[159] And then that was it.

[160] You were just off.

[161] It was crazy, man. That fucking tiger bit would bring the fucking house down.

[162] Yeah, that bit was hard to get rid of.

[163] It's hard to get rid of bits, isn't it?

[164] That bit was.

[165] I miss my bits.

[166] Because that bit was really important to me. Oh, yeah.

[167] It was like my first.

[168] It was who you were in a way.

[169] Yeah, it was my first, like, bit that at the time, at least.

[170] really represented how I thought about things.

[171] Yeah, I wasn't really ready for my feelings of letting go of everything I did on my first special.

[172] Like now I'm working on a special.

[173] Like I just let I literally haven't done it.

[174] I get people like call out and want want it and I'll do it sometimes but but letting that go is kind of like saying by to old friends like yeah I had really good experiences around that you know like when you I would do this churning butter bit or I would do you know punching a cow death that shit was like I remember the feelings around it and it was so much a part of who I was and I remember thinking it up and I remember I can't believe this is working and then you have to just let it go to reinvent yourself you know it's an interesting kind of thing I guess maybe novelists feel that way or something yeah I bet they probably do because yeah you let that book out and it's gone yeah but if you're a musician you can sing the same shit over and over again yeah that's cool too you know I mean but that's not our gig our gig is we got to come up with new shit yep yeah we um i i admire it in other comedians so i mean just seems to like it always seems smart to do what you admire in other people yeah so if i admire it in other people it's okay i'll do that too it's just i think constantly coming up with new stuff sometimes i think that sometimes i think that that's almost i like that even more like like when i have a day where i come up with an amazing bit or it just comes together yeah i i My day is, I'm just like, oh, I feel like I did something special, you know?

[175] But you know what?

[176] There's also something to me said for doing a bit for a long time where you get that motherfucker down to a samurai sword.

[177] You fold that steel and hammer it down.

[178] You distill.

[179] You cut it down to, yeah, you carve it.

[180] There were some bits that I had by the time I first got an album that I had been doing for six, seven years.

[181] And when you get them, you can just get a timing thing with a bit.

[182] You know how much fat is in the bit.

[183] and how to cut the fat out.

[184] Well, it's all rhythm.

[185] It's all rhythm.

[186] It's exactly like music.

[187] It's like a song.

[188] Fiona Apple said that, you know, she would see my bits and she would say, you know, it's a song.

[189] What you're doing is working out the words and the rhythm and figuring out, you know, where to place emphasis on what word, how many words to use in that sense.

[190] That is actually what you're doing.

[191] Yeah.

[192] You know, you restructure it sometimes.

[193] And sometimes you start with a kernel of an idea and it doesn't come to you in its full kind of form for five years.

[194] Yeah.

[195] Which I love because it's.

[196] kind of like that mystical notion of it's always existed, you just had to keep mining your insides or whatever to find it, you know?

[197] Well, that's like the idea of sculpture, is that that always existed underneath that rock.

[198] Yeah, you're just got to get the other shit out of the way.

[199] That's what Michelangelo said.

[200] He said, it exists.

[201] I just got to get all this stuff around it away.

[202] Well, that is the way it.

[203] But that's the way it is with the human being, isn't it?

[204] Yeah, it is.

[205] It definitely is.

[206] You simplify, you simplify and actually get down to who you really are as opposed to who you're trying or pretending to be.

[207] and inspiration comes in waves representative to how you feel about life I feel like when I'm appreciative of life and I'm happy and I'm thankful and I'm healthy and I'm just in a good groove socially then inspiration just sort of flows in and out of my brain like I'm constantly coming up with new ideas I'm much less troubled but if I'm troubled about anything if I have any you know internal bullshit or you know arguments with friends or anything.

[208] It has a big impact.

[209] Very much so.

[210] On how I feel, on creativity, on my ability to expand on ideas.

[211] Yeah, you become very sensitive to that.

[212] I certainly do.

[213] If I have anything I feel like I'm lying about or I'm not, I haven't closed an end.

[214] If I have an open circle in my life like that, I have to take care of it immediately.

[215] I think in a way that's kind of why the value of doing one thing really well kind of makes everything in your life come together like you can't you almost can't do something at a high high level you know without taking care of the other loose ends in your life yeah that's kind of the that's kind of one of the benefits I think of you know you said something really interesting when we were together the last time we were in Vegas and there was some talking about something and there was thing and and I said to you you know what do you think of that and you said it was great you said I don't I don't leave any room in my head for that I don't that doesn't I don't I've learned to keep that out of my head that's a beautiful thing to think about because that's an option that a lot of people forget I forgot it yeah where where you said that and I went that's that's that's uh I was like that's that's something I you know what I could make that choice I could make choice of not having that in my head in the first place yeah I'm I'm pretty good at it now I I I've dipped in and out on it everybody ever since I was a child and when I was younger, it was much, much harder for me to, like, sort of stay on, and not obsess about things or think about things of it.

[216] But now I can, like, lock things out.

[217] I can, like, you know, someone's a douchebag or someone, okay, you're just locked out.

[218] You don't, there's no, I don't incorporate you into the experience of life.

[219] That's probably, that's probably called, that's probably called peace of mind.

[220] Yeah, yeah.

[221] Yeah, well, you know, you know who you are.

[222] You know, you know who you are.

[223] If you're self -evaluating, if you're constantly trying to better yourself and you're self -judging all the time, which I know you are.

[224] Yeah.

[225] And I try to do as much as possible.

[226] Any weird, freaky criticism stands out.

[227] You know, it's like any creepiness stands out.

[228] It's not helpful.

[229] It's a form of procrastination.

[230] I think if you're a happy person and you surround yourself with good people and you're all working towards trying to find some path in each other's life, real conflict.

[231] are very rare.

[232] They really are.

[233] But you've got to know when they do exist what they are, where they came from, what you can do to stop them from ever happening again, what you did to maybe draw them into your life.

[234] But don't incorporate them into your thinking.

[235] Yeah, that's another interesting point is a lot of times we draw distraction into our life because it takes the pressure off us, you know?

[236] Sort of.

[237] Or you don't realize you draw focus from, you know, other things.

[238] because you're intimidated by the process.

[239] Yes.

[240] You're intimidated by the process of creating, by the process of doing whatever it is your path is, whether you're an artist, the process of starting your art. Well, I knew a guy who was older who said, you know, you can even use fatigue to your advantage.

[241] Fatigue is energy.

[242] It's a form of energy.

[243] He said, you know, if a lot of writers will talk about, well, I'm tired.

[244] I'm going to write about a character who's exhausted.

[245] You know, I'm going to put this exhaustion A lot of actors will talk about that.

[246] An act teacher, Jeffrey Tambor, is awesome.

[247] He said, hey, you're tired?

[248] You're tired?

[249] That might just be who the fucking character is today.

[250] What's wrong with doing an audition, yawning and not getting up?

[251] You might just get the part, you know?

[252] You can use whatever, if you kind of learn how to master sort of whatever you're feeling at the moment and use that to your advantage.

[253] Well, the most important aspect, I think, of your energy is you can regulate it.

[254] a lot more than you think you can you can regulate it by your choices you can regulate it by your enthusiasm for things you can regulate it by your attitude food you put on your body yeah and your attitude is a really important aspect of it man the the the way you choose to direct the frequencies of your own mind and if you're constantly in conflict like sometimes you have to look at that and go man what am i what am i putting out there what am i you know maybe i should adjust my own signal because i'm i'm attracting so many douchebags in my life.

[255] What is that?

[256] There's a huge difference between critical thinking, knowing what's good and bad for you, knowing the meaningful difference between things, and being critical.

[257] So a lot of people just are blindly, just generally critical, and they're coming and everything, their first thing is a habitual criticism rather than looking at a situation, looking at what's right in the situation and either praising that or indulging in that or just knowing that that over there that isn't as good as this over here that's critical thinking you so you can be positive in your mindset which you should be but you don't want to be some people are so blindly positive that they they can't see you know that disaster looms ahead right you got to know that critical thinking is very important what's not important is overly critical thinking overly critical thinking gets boring, cynical, like nonsensical, constant negativity.

[258] It's like, Jesus, fucking Christ.

[259] Who wants to listen to this?

[260] Right.

[261] You know, and some people don't understand that.

[262] There's that one guy in work, you're always ignoring him because when you're around him, he tells you about his foot hurting, or he's got, you know what happens to me with those people, and I don't even, I know, I know, I'm thinking of several people that I know, who are pretty, who were pretty successful.

[263] When they show up, I get, I get literally, I'm like, oh, no, it's a damper.

[264] I get tired.

[265] The minute they show up, I go, I'm depressed now.

[266] This guy just showed his face.

[267] there's certain people that when you're talking to them you just really have to get away from their presence like they're drawing from you i wonder what is that quantifiable could you put it like a sticker on you and people could like know for sure if the person that you're around likes being around you kind of do already don't they they put a stick around themselves yeah if you notice people like that after a while they just get left alone on a couch somewhere yeah you know i knew a guy who used to you know come to parties who'd see him and he just i would notice that after a while he just ended up being alone and talking to some girl who didn't know better and everybody would just be he was kind of like kryptonite it was like kind of like people would kind of if you spray a bug spray near a bunch of ants and they just kind of run to one side it was really interesting I was like oh I don't think that guy can come over anymore he kind of sucks yeah there's weird there's some weird fucks out there in this world this the broad spectrum of human behavior it's so much room for strangeness.

[268] Yeah, but it's a habit.

[269] I think success can become a habit.

[270] You learn how to, like, learn how to talk to yourself properly.

[271] Learn how to take care of yourself and sustain your energy.

[272] Those are habits that you can get into.

[273] Yeah, I think when you're running into really fucked up people, with almost all of them, it's the childhood.

[274] Like, what, what happened in your programming that you weren't able to escape, you know?

[275] Yeah, but I'm a huge, I'm very interested also, though, in, in, some people are able to put change into context, so they can, like, it's kind of like when you take jujitsu from a really good teacher who breaks down, who teaches you the principles and the bedrock before he teaches you all the moves.

[276] There is a way sometimes where somebody can kind of like, one of the greatest things I ever heard for me that helped was, I heard somebody say, a sports psychologist said, most people have a primary question going on in their head, and it's usually something negative, doesn't help them.

[277] They're walking around going, what if I, what if I'm not lovable, what if I fail?

[278] and he says, you can reprogram your mind to ask yourself a very, very empowering question where the answer you're looking for is going to enhance you.

[279] It's going to cause you to reach in a positive direction as opposed to a negative direction.

[280] As an example, you establish what you want to be and you go, what action can I take today to get closer to what I want to do or who I want to be?

[281] Sometimes even just asking that question can put you in, like, I think writing in a way is kind of like that too.

[282] You know, ask yourself a question, yeah.

[283] You know, when you're focused and you have a goal or when you focus and you have any sort of endeavor that you're pursuing, you have purpose to your existence.

[284] You have like something that's like leaning you towards prosperity.

[285] You see an accomplishment at the head of the rainbow, you know what I mean?

[286] Yes, I know.

[287] And when you when you have like things that you're trying to accomplish, you learn about yourself along the way.

[288] Exactly.

[289] And a lot of people grow up in life without doing things like that, without having any challenges, without having any goals.

[290] set without having any guidance, without having any discipline, without having any, and by discipline, I don't mean like someone telling you to do push -ups, like military style, yelling at you.

[291] I mean, the ability to make yourself uncomfortable to get done what you know needs to get done, which a lot of people lack.

[292] A lot of people don't know even how to approach getting successful, too.

[293] A lot of people, like young guys, I notice, don't really know what to do with their energy.

[294] Like, they don't know what to focus on.

[295] And I always say just follow, try to ask yourself the right questions and find somebody who's successful and kind of follow their example.

[296] Sometimes that can help.

[297] And there's also the issue with the word successful.

[298] Like, what is successful?

[299] I mean, if a guy has a medium income, but he has a happy family and he loves his job, that's a successful man. No doubt.

[300] That's a successful person.

[301] I would way rather be that person than a guy who's very wealthy and completely miserable with failed relationships left and right.

[302] See it all the time, by the way.

[303] There's a lot of them.

[304] I met a guy.

[305] The focus that's required to get really, really.

[306] really rich a lot of times makes you a fucking crazy person i was with dove david off the guy this guy we met it was a neurosurgeon and had his NBA he was very wealthy with his trophy girlfriend the next one i mean he was wealthy good looking guy and and he started telling us about what an athlete he was and how he was a neurosurgeon and mb and dove lived david david was listening to him and dove went uh for a second i thought this guy was good he's lost he's completely lost you know it's exactly what he was he was a grown man who was probably 38 who'd spend his whole life throwing on all these incredible like kind of accomplishments right just like so he could say he had his MBA and he was a neurosurgeon and he had money and his girlfriend and he was an athlete and he was completely fucking lost this guy couldn't sit still in his own skin he didn't have a friend in the world he saw us and he was like I want to be friends with you and I'm going to do it by telling you about myself the whole night we were like I'm fucking allergic that sounds like a real crazy person but sometimes it takes a real crazy person to achieve excellence you know it was a it's a really funny bill berr thing bill burr was on conan o 'brien um and uh he was talking about uh lance armstrong have you seen it brian no pull it up it was fucking awesome bill burr was talking about and he echoed my sentiments exactly on this whole lance armstrong thing about how you know in order to to be like the best fucking cycler dude ever like you've really got to be some kind of psychopath you know and and and bill had this whole bit about how, you know, everybody knew, everybody was juicing.

[307] It's really, really, really fucking funny.

[308] But that guy, I mean, Lance Armstrong, he's a fucking crazy person.

[309] Yeah, he's a sociopath, is what I think.

[310] I mean, he coming after people, it's one thing if you do steroids.

[311] He threatened people.

[312] Apparently, from what I hear, he destroyed people's lives with those lawsuits.

[313] He would just come after you and try to destroy you.

[314] And meanwhile, they were right.

[315] They were right.

[316] That's crazy.

[317] That's what I mean by not being honest and being unethical.

[318] I mean, if you want to do steroids, because everybody's doing them, I'm not going to, yeah.

[319] I don't know what it's like to be in the Tour de France.

[320] If everybody's doping and stuff, that's one thing.

[321] If you're going after people for telling the truth about you and trying to destroy them for years, you're a scumbag.

[322] And then eventually admitting it?

[323] Well, he's going to be in court the rest of his life, though.

[324] Oh, yeah, he's going to die.

[325] Yeah, because he's got, you know, a lot of the...

[326] He admitted, I guess, after the statute of limitations was over, but he's still...

[327] Let me tell you something, man. That dude lives in Texas.

[328] Okay.

[329] And people in Texas, they're like real men.

[330] and they don't like douchebags that much and a guy like that what was that that's my friend Will Sassow that guy living oh okay that's it yeah you guys have to watch go to go to the vines where can they find Will Sassos Vines if you just follow him on Twitter he has a bunch look up the UFO one that's the best one this is the funniest Will Sassow also has a series called farting Benjamin go to go to hamfatter dot com that's his website and I was telling you you got to get him Do Will Saso, I want to say It's on the podcast To me, he's one of the funniest people on the planet Is that a real time, too?

[331] Be quiet, Hulk Logan Well, let me tell you something, brother You gotta wake up in the morning Get up, dude Be quiet, Hulk Logan Well, let me tell you something, bro Oh, that's really funny Wait, wait, wait, just check this one This is my favorite It's all stupid I love this That's him all That's him all day Okay, for the folks Listening to this Not viewing it You are like Okay, that's the last Of these fucking stupid podcasts I listen to These stoner retards are ruining my brain Brian counts in this one It's a visual thing Ladies and gentlemen You really have to This is something we did call Dream Crusher's Okay, how did you Where the sound effects Where the sound effects come from?

[332] Sasso does everything With what?

[333] He did five minutes The same thing He does on 10 minute podcast Which is our podcast You guys should listen to With his mouth He's just doing this?

[334] No no, he's got like Computer Machine?

[335] Yeah He's got like sound effect machine No that's from the actual movie That or whatever they're Yeah by the way He's ridiculously athletic You see him, he's 330 pounds?

[336] Ridiculously athletic.

[337] Does Muay.

[338] He's, like, so loud on his feet.

[339] Oh, I got a picture of his calves, I have to show you, if I can find it.

[340] He's a freak, dude.

[341] All right, here's the bill.

[342] Okay, here's this Bill Burr thing.

[343] He was talking about it.

[344] I didn't think Lance owed anybody.

[345] From Conan O 'Brien.

[346] He didn't do anything to me. You know what he did for me?

[347] He raised $500 million for cancer research.

[348] That's what that lie did.

[349] Yeah, that was great.

[350] And everybody had the bands on.

[351] Remember the bands?

[352] Sure.

[353] Right?

[354] That blocked out the sun, right?

[355] You know, it wasn't a block out the sun.

[356] No risk cancer?

[357] The whole thing was annoying, and I hated how Oprah was interviewing him and acting like she was dumbfounded that this guy would do this.

[358] Like, she's been in show business for 35 years and she can't, like, wrap her head around some guy doing whatever it takes to get to the next level.

[359] Didn't she, for the first five years, have, like, midgets who wanted to bang their mailman's boyfriend?

[360] and she didn't want to do it.

[361] She didn't want to do it, but she didn't have the power to say no. So she rode it out.

[362] And then when she could make a good decision, she did a show, but she stood on the heads of those little people.

[363] He's amazing.

[364] He's the stupidest thing I've ever seen.

[365] Look, the guy was a sociopath on a bicycle.

[366] As far as I'm concerned, we got up easy.

[367] Yeah.

[368] If that guy was working for a corporation, he probably would have been pouring stuff in the water supply doing God knows what.

[369] Just keep him on the bike.

[370] Just let him go up and down the hill.

[371] He's not hurting anybody.

[372] He isn't.

[373] And the top 20 guys like all tested positive for royds.

[374] So our roided up guy beat your roided up guy.

[375] Ah ha.

[376] Filthy sport who was sitting there going on.

[377] Absolutely.

[378] This is ridiculous.

[379] He doesn't represent cycling.

[380] Are they going to return all the money that they made off of that guy?

[381] Huh?

[382] They're going to turn in their yachts.

[383] They're not going to turn in your yachts.

[384] That's a great.

[385] That's a great segment.

[386] Man. That's hilarious.

[387] And it's so right on the fucking money.

[388] If you've got a team cocoa .com, you can see all the clips for Conan.

[389] Bill Burr's hilarious.

[390] It's such a good point, too.

[391] The whole thing is so ridiculous.

[392] us the tour de france in itself it's just so stupid yeah man long crazy bike ride that by the way some doctors by the way brian callan because your name is by the way brian callan that's that's your nickname i say that a lot right by the way one of the things that they found is uh there's doctors that believe that it's healthier to do that race on the drugs than off the drugs they're like it's such a grueling fucking pace right that's really unhealthy for your body it's incredibly devastating to your body and if you're on the drugs you need to you To replenish your body, yeah.

[393] You can recover better.

[394] They literally get so crazy that they'll sleep, they'll have the tour of the front, they'll sleep on the ground because the electrons apparently on the ground from like the actual dirt or whatever it is.

[395] Yeah, they help heal you.

[396] He helps heal you, yeah, fast.

[397] So they'll sleep with their legs on the ground.

[398] I mean, it gets crazy.

[399] Yeah, people do that with like injuries, like the lion grass.

[400] And other people tell them, you fucking idiot, go to a doctor.

[401] Right, right.

[402] Well, that's what I feel like, that was always my feeling about, about acupuncture.

[403] where they'd be like, if we put a bunch of needles in your face and you lie there for an hour, your headache will go away, I'll take a fucking pill.

[404] How's that sound?

[405] I'll take a couple aspirin.

[406] Yeah, I'm not sold or unsold on acupuncture.

[407] I've done it a couple times.

[408] Would you think?

[409] I don't know.

[410] I mean, it didn't, I apparently had held my back, but I don't think it did.

[411] Joey Diaz swears about you.

[412] He does, but look at Joey Diaz.

[413] This is brown stuff comes off in my socks.

[414] My feeling is that there might be something to it.

[415] When they punch me with those needles, those Chinese people, voodoo on me and my feet swell.

[416] Well, on Bill Moyers, when they hit certain parts of the feet, the area that your brain would light up, right?

[417] So the Western scientists couldn't figure that out when they would put a needle in your foot that corresponded to liver or something.

[418] The part of your brain, I guess, that gets stimulated when your liver produces whatever it might be would ignite, you know?

[419] That's kind of interesting.

[420] How do they know that?

[421] It's on a special.

[422] You can go to Bill Moyers.

[423] What were they doing to, like, electrons on your brain?

[424] How can they know what the fuck is going on?

[425] Well, that's the big question.

[426] That was what was so interesting about the special, where the scientists had an, oh, I guess an MRI or, you know, something like that.

[427] Yeah, and when those parts of the brain lit up, and they had a neuroscientist who goes, well, that is the part of the brain that, you know, controls liver function or whatever.

[428] So they really did find it with those crazy needles?

[429] Yeah, and that's something that we can't, Western scientists actually can't explain.

[430] We can't explain why they have a graph of the feet, for example.

[431] that when done properly, you can put a needle in that area and it'll cause maybe you to have a diuretic effect, so you might pee more.

[432] Or you can numb parts of the body, you know, with needles hitting different meridian points.

[433] That's an interesting, that's kind of an interesting thing where you go, and then you hear these acupuncture masters who say, well, when you hit the right meridian point.

[434] I know because it feels like I'm holding a fishing line and a fish just tugs it.

[435] So it's more of a tug.

[436] So when I can put a needle in you, it feels like nothing.

[437] You get to a point with your fingers where you know you hit the meridian point because there's a little electric tub.

[438] What are these meridian points?

[439] Is this fuckery?

[440] Is this fuckery?

[441] Is this like people believing?

[442] Is it a placebo effect sort of a thing?

[443] Which we know is real.

[444] Well, the, the, the, the, if you talk to a skeptic, Western scientists will say that in fact, what acupuncture does is it produces endorphins.

[445] And endorphins can have a curative effect, at least in the short term, where you don't feel the pain anymore.

[446] So just by giving you the little needles?

[447] Yeah.

[448] So you may get a euphoric feeling or a lack of pain because you're producing endorphins.

[449] That would be one explanation that I've read.

[450] But the other notion is that there may very well be something to stimulate.

[451] Because the whole idea of acupuncture and Chinese medicine is the notion that you have energy blocks, you have energy masses that when treated properly will release, okay?

[452] So there's a clog, if you will, of energy.

[453] Right, but based on what we know about the human body, isn't that horseshit?

[454] Again, I don't know enough, but I do know that that, I do know that some cancer research is looking at the idea that we may very well be, I can't remember how they put it into context, but the idea that tissue, irregular cell growth could very well be the equivalent of a traffic jam.

[455] So there is a stop of some kind of flow in that area.

[456] So looking at cancer rather as a traffic jam that needs to be unjammed, as opposed to cut out.

[457] There's something wrong with that flow.

[458] There is a body of Western thought based on empirical evidence that suggests that that is something to look at.

[459] That's a theory that they're looking at.

[460] If that's the case, that is somewhat in line with the idea that there is a blockage of energy and acupuncture helps release that energy.

[461] But essentially it's just needles that go into skin, right?

[462] They don't really penetrate to nerves.

[463] Are they?

[464] The nerve endings on the skin?

[465] Again, I don't know enough about it.

[466] I've only had it done it.

[467] What could it possibly be doing?

[468] Electricity.

[469] Yes.

[470] It does electricity?

[471] Like basic, like little teeny micro little jolts of charges.

[472] Well, here's what they'll say.

[473] Here's the idea.

[474] Like a static electricity.

[475] But you know what they say is what we're supposed to be doing?

[476] I think so.

[477] I think because it's a big metal pole, it collects kind of like a small, very micro charge in each one of them.

[478] Yeah.

[479] I've never heard that.

[480] That's a, that makes more sense.

[481] sense that the needles would be but but that is true anyway that's western that we do have electric current in our body that's true and so the idea is but what a chinese doctor will tell you is it take a child a child is very flexible a child like a baby smells sweet uh um has perfect digestion is very flexible moves around that i the idea there is that as you get older and you drink caffeine and stress and life and everything those those uh currents get thrown off get whack They're not as pure.

[482] And so the idea is information isn't flowing as smoothly as it does when you're younger.

[483] And acupuncture helps to change that.

[484] If you actually look at what a lot of Western science is also talking about is that the body is a conduit for information.

[485] You, cancer, the forefront of cancer research is actually about getting, for whatever reason when you're in the womb, you produce different cells, right?

[486] You produce cancer cell, I mean, colon cells and heart cells and things like.

[487] like that.

[488] When you get older, some people, for whatever reason, that mechanism to produce cells again, clicks back on.

[489] Okay?

[490] So all of a sudden, you're 40 and your body says, well, let's produce colon cells.

[491] Well, you needed it when you were in the womb because you had to build a colon.

[492] Now you're 40 and the body, for whatever reason, goes, let's make more colon cells and all of a sudden you got colon cancer.

[493] The idea of some cancer research now is, how can we scramble that message.

[494] If the body is telling itself to produce cells it doesn't need in the colon or in, you know, the pancreas or whatever, is there medicine, there's got to be a way we can get that, we can scramble that code and get it to shut off.

[495] So the body stops sending the signal to make irregular cells.

[496] So irregular cell growth can be shut off by scrambling that message before it hits, if when it comes from the brain before it hits that actual cell.

[497] That's really interesting.

[498] That is interesting.

[499] So this is a way of regulating the body's electrical charge.

[500] Is that the idea behind acupuncture?

[501] Currants.

[502] So the flow of electricity in your body.

[503] And I never heard that, Brian, that idea of mild static electricity that you're getting it out of the air.

[504] One of these guys online was saying that he did it, rubbed his hands and fingertips on material, synthetic material.

[505] He said it was the most powerful.

[506] Generate a static charge in that.

[507] then stimulated some points.

[508] I don't know.

[509] I don't know enough about it.

[510] I think there's a lot of different kinds of it.

[511] I think some focus on the actual charge and some actually focus on like nerves or...

[512] Well, the Bill Moyer specials really goes, he actually goes to China and goes and talks to these real Chinese doctors that can perform surgery on you, open surgery on you, not using anesthetics, but actually using just acupuncture to numb that area.

[513] What?

[514] Yeah.

[515] Really?

[516] Uh -huh.

[517] Oh, my God.

[518] How goofy are those people?

[519] Go to a hospital, you fuck.

[520] What are you crazy?

[521] That guy's cutting you open and poking you with little fucking TV antennas.

[522] Get out of there, run.

[523] Can you imagine that, though?

[524] What kind of nonsense is that?

[525] I don't know.

[526] I remember seeing this on Bill Moyers.

[527] It's pretty wild.

[528] I mean, they were like trying to explain that.

[529] My favorite acupuncture scene of all time is when Stephen Seagal was in a coma for like seven years.

[530] It was the cop.

[531] And then he comes out and gives himself, cures himself for a little acupuncture.

[532] because, of course, he's an expert in the Asian medicine.

[533] Do you ever have any interaction with Mr. Segal?

[534] Yes, I've seen him in several UFCs.

[535] Do you guys talk at all?

[536] I say hello to him.

[537] I say congratulations to him after one of Anderson Silva's victories.

[538] Look, he's a crazy person, but he's a legit martial artist, at least as an Akito practitioner.

[539] He's really well -respected.

[540] That's no doubt about it.

[541] He's a character.

[542] He's making money.

[543] Making a living.

[544] But he knows a lot about martial.

[545] arts, you know, especially about Aikido.

[546] He's got, I think a guy like Anderson Silva, one of the things that makes him specials that he's really willing to incorporate all sorts of different things to his game that are very unique and unusual.

[547] And a guy like Segal has something to say.

[548] Yeah, I mean, he's a lifelong martial artist and he might have a technique or two or more that, you know, that Anderson had never heard before, that a guy like Anderson is such a good martial artist could incorporate into his game.

[549] Like, look, no one was front kick into the face.

[550] It's Anderson Silva did that.

[551] That is the bottom line reality is no one was front kick into the face.

[552] I was going to say.

[553] I was going to say.

[554] I was going to say that Anderson Silva is like such a martial arts nerd.

[555] Like he just liked that.

[556] There's one fight where he used his elbow and he hit the guy with his elbow.

[557] Tony Frickland.

[558] Cage rage.

[559] He'd been practicing that over and over again.

[560] Yeah, I told you the story about how he, his coach, like you talked to Ed Soros about it.

[561] It was his manager.

[562] His coach was telling him to stop doing it because you're never going to do it.

[563] So he had to practice it at home with his wife.

[564] Right.

[565] Right, right.

[566] Is that you told me?

[567] Yeah, I told you that story.

[568] Yeah, Tiago was telling me something about that, too, and knock the guy out.

[569] Yeah, I think it's pretty legendary because it's such a crazy situation, the way Anderson did it.

[570] I've never seen anybody do it like that before.

[571] He's a good example of a guy.

[572] He stepped in sideways and uppercut elbowed this dude, Tony Frickland, who's a real good fighter.

[573] Yeah.

[574] And just blasted him out without one shot.

[575] You know, what's also interesting about a lot of these guys is I noticed that Anderson, when he was looking at some of his old fights.

[576] First of all, he's made such improvement, but he was about 160 when he came.

[577] came into the UFC and he was probably...

[578] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, he's sucking down to that?

[579] No, no, no, no, no. The UFC's always fought at 185.

[580] Not UFC, I mean...

[581] Pride?

[582] Yeah, when he was fighting back then, I think he was on 162 or something like that.

[583] Probably the lowest he ever fought was in the mid -60s, probably, yeah.

[584] Which is just, you know...

[585] He was smaller when he fought Takahashi.

[586] He was smaller back then.

[587] He walks around, what, at 205, you think?

[588] Now, I mean, when you say walks around, like, I bet if he's fighting at light heavy weight, I bet he gets to around there even lighter, or rather middle weight.

[589] He would get down to there even lighter before he started his weight.

[590] But I think when he's fighting at light heavyweight, I bet he's quite a bit heavier than that.

[591] Really?

[592] Yeah, I bet he's in, you know, 220s or something like that.

[593] Oh, he's a big guy.

[594] Yeah.

[595] How tall is he probably like, I'd say when he fought, when he fought Stefan Bonner, he fought at 205.

[596] And I believe he was like 203, 204.

[597] So it was like pretty close.

[598] And he's fought.

[599] And he's fought.

[600] And he's fought.

[601] about 205 now three times.

[602] And, you know, he carries the weight really well.

[603] He doesn't look fat at all.

[604] He looks great.

[605] What about Bonner?

[606] How much does Bonner walk around it?

[607] Much bigger.

[608] Much bigger than Anderson.

[609] But so when you say walk around that, it's like, I don't think Anderson gets heavy in between fights.

[610] So I don't think he ever gets bigger than like 205 -ish.

[611] You know, I mean, I'd say like if he was trying to get fight at 205, maybe he might let himself go up to like 220, you know, like do a lot of power lifting and shit.

[612] get a little, just a little size on him.

[613] I don't know.

[614] He's such a master.

[615] Only he would know how to correctly approach his body.

[616] And that's one of things about him that's so, he's so good at preparing his body.

[617] You know what he recently said?

[618] He said he can make 170 easy.

[619] No. Yes.

[620] Really?

[621] Yeah, he said he can make 170.

[622] Oh, God.

[623] I believe him.

[624] If he said he can make 170, I believe he wouldn't even say that unless he's gotten pretty close.

[625] Is he going to fight GSP?

[626] He wants to fight GSP at 170, I think.

[627] So the fight is going to be him.

[628] him GSP or is going to be him John Jones.

[629] Well, him and John Jones was at one proposed fight, but him and GSP at 170 would be fucking insane.

[630] And it would cement Anderson Silva as, without a doubt, the baddest motherfucker ever.

[631] If he could actually, first of all, even get to 170, which is like, how is he going to do that?

[632] I don't know how he's going to do that.

[633] I mean, obviously he gets to 185 fairly easy.

[634] He doesn't look drawn out when he weighs in.

[635] He looks great.

[636] Yeah.

[637] It's another 15 pounds, what, water weight, right?

[638] I mean, that's a lot.

[639] It's a lot of weight.

[640] Ah, there's a lot.

[641] Think about what 15 pounds of water feels like.

[642] Yeah, it's a nightmare.

[643] What is it?

[644] Two gallon jugs.

[645] How much is a gallon?

[646] How much weight does a gallon have?

[647] Jamie, any ideas?

[648] Of water.

[649] Well, we can figure it out.

[650] Eight ounces is.

[651] Think about what's one gallon of water weigh?

[652] How much does one gallon of water weigh?

[653] Four pounds.

[654] I'm on it.

[655] No, no, it's, uh...

[656] Two pounds.

[657] Two pounds.

[658] How much?

[659] It is.

[660] eight ounces three hundred three thousand seven hundred and eight and eight point three five pounds eight okay so that's a third pound is essentially we're talking about two gallons of water that two big jugs of body fluid that's a lot that's a lot that's a shit that's scary that's like you dying I used to I'm a sucking weight and I used to literally have dreams of being in the desert it's the worst it is the worst it's a terrible experience Yeah, I did it and fought in Taekwondo tournaments or fought the same day.

[661] Because they didn't have, like, weigh -ins.

[662] No, same with wrestling back then.

[663] We used to wrestle, we'd wait in the morning, and you had all, you know, you'd have to, you'd have to rehydrate.

[664] I remember just drinking water.

[665] Yeah, it was really dangerous, too.

[666] They didn't know it back then, but for head injuries, it's super dangerous.

[667] You take, like, saunas and kids would die and shit.

[668] Yeah, kids die every year in wrestling, trying to make weight.

[669] It's so crazy, and it fucks up their growth.

[670] A kid I went to high school with, he had his brothers, all of them, six.

[671] one, six two, six.

[672] He's like five, five, five, six.

[673] Because he's, he cut weight this whole high school career.

[674] It was just constantly cut weight.

[675] Yeah.

[676] And he shrunk.

[677] I mean, the dude was like always sickly.

[678] It was like he was poisoned his whole high school career.

[679] He had no motivation for school.

[680] He had no motivation for classes.

[681] I would run into him.

[682] He'd be all slack jawed to got to make weight.

[683] It was fucking brutal.

[684] It's ridiculous.

[685] It's a travesty.

[686] It really is.

[687] You know, the kids should be competing at their natural weight.

[688] They should be do certain things like that where they you can't encourage them you can't use I know in high school I believe you can't use any kind of sauna you're not allowed to use any of that stuff in high school yeah but even that even just not drinking water for 24 hours and trying to dry yourself out what are you doing I took my girlfriend's dehydration pills or you know because when you're bloated you have your period I'm all New England's everybody's like it's part of the sport it shouldn't be it really shouldn't be because what wrestling really should be all about is finding out what is your real weight?

[689] What's your weight when you're in shape?

[690] What do you weigh?

[691] You weigh 150 and there's a 150 and we'll make it between 150 and 154 or 154 to 147 or whatever the fuck it is.

[692] The thing is though is technology is we learn more about the human body and we're able to measure these things like football.

[693] Look at football.

[694] We're starting to realize that those head cracks are actually really causing major long -term damage, pugilistic dementia and stuff like that.

[695] So now you're watching your favorite player and you're like, is that guy going to be an out of straw when he's 60?

[696] Like, I don't really like it anymore.

[697] I go, you know, and by the way, ethically.

[698] By the way, Brian Cowan.

[699] Oh, yeah, damn.

[700] By the way, ethically, if you know that your player has a concussion, but the game is riding on it, it puts a lot of pressure on everybody.

[701] A player wants to play.

[702] Everybody wants to play.

[703] But if we can actually prove scientifically that's bad for you, right?

[704] Now you're dealing, I guess the answer is better equipment, right?

[705] With two different issues, because you're talking about growing adults.

[706] You're also talking about professional athletes who make a choice.

[707] choice and they make a substantial amount of money for this risk that they're about to take whereas a high school kid is literally fucking up his high school future right he's fucking up the way his whole life is going to be he's he's his first steps of his life literally can be fucked up because he's cutting weight all the time i mean when that that during that wrestling season yeah i that i'm telling you this kid had no fucking energy to do anything his jaw was always slack and when he wasn't wrestling like he would get a little fat in between he was always worried about his weight so he never really like ate crazy like even in the off season because he knew he's going to have to cut weight next season but he would when he would walk around then he'd be like normal he'd like a fucking normal dude like hey he's back regular steve's back yep but then fucking wrestling season just slack jog and the winners by the way where was this in boston oh fuck yeah newton so cold oh that's where i went to high school up in massachusetts it gets very cold but it's beautiful you know and they're good people up there they're real humans a lot of a lot of really humans up there yes they are you know there's no one there's very few people trying to pump you a script and tell you to listen to their cd just living their lives man just living their lives good or bad for good or bad yeah as long as they can keep it together it's kind of one of the things i really love about doing the road and just going different parts of the world country i mean and just i just appreciate it you know oh yeah definitely i think it's important you got to get a broad spectrum a broad feeling of all these different communities in different ways people rock And there's a difference, correct me if I'm wrong, like Long Island where I'm about to go or New York or Philly or, you know, when you go down to these places, the East Coast, there is an aggressive gene.

[708] It's much more aggressive than macho than, say, the West Coast or like Seattle, San Francisco, even Canada.

[709] You go down to like Long Island, I haven't been a Levantine yet, but I mean, but like New York, Philly, Trenton, New Jersey, it's an aggressive group.

[710] It's twice as likely to punch in the Philippines.

[711] That's right.

[712] Yeah, they're twice as likely.

[713] That's exactly right.

[714] 50 % more face punches in Jersey.

[715] You can get to fight easily in places like that.

[716] Long Island, you're walking with the wrong shirt.

[717] Like Dove Davidov, he'd say his mother would send him to school with like Peterbread.

[718] And he's like, you know, Mom, in New York and Union, New Jersey, if I'm going to school with Peter bread, I'm playing.

[719] They beat the shit out of me because I'm a communist.

[720] They're like, what's with your healthy bread, you commie?

[721] Where's your wonder bread?

[722] You got tabooly in your lunchbox, you fucking punk.

[723] I remember working at a bank in New York and I was.

[724] order like i'd bring come on with a big salad and my my irish friends from like the bronx and brook and be like the fuck is this guy doing eating a bowl of twigs what are you a fucking rabbit isn't that funny how much we judge people based on what they eat we totally emotional dude totally do what do you having you having the fish the fuck are you doing you're a steakhouse you want to i'll have the salmon place what you're having what you're not in my hunting group anymore you're having the fish at a fucking steak restaurant well the minute i hear somebody's a vegan you talk about it you stand it was great but it's i i have a tough time not having sudden judgment i'm always like oh yeah this guys i see i see what they're trying to do i see it i get it and it's it's a future concept it's going to work really great when you're symbiotically attached to robots getting all your energy from the sun and you don't need food but you know what you're not going to get blow jobs then either it's just going to be a chip that you stick in the back of your brain and all of a sudden you're getting blown you know it's the the reality of the pursuing an actual real honest -to -goodness blowjob that's going to be lost forever and don't think that that's not going to be going to weigh on you because it is you're going to know that you're going to just pop a chip in your head and off the barbadoes getting your dick sucked on the beach you're going to know it's not real you're going to go insane you're going to lose your mind you're going to drift in and out of those dreams never knowing which one's real and which one isn't sticking random dick sucking chips in the back of your brain popping off for five minute vacations one at a time it's just going to be virtual sex everywhere you live it is and it's not going to be fun everybody's fucking it up the the beautiful time is now this is the raw 20s of the technological age.

[725] This is the beautiful time.

[726] Because we still are attached to our biology.

[727] Yes.

[728] We're still attached to our biology, but we have Google.

[729] Yeah.

[730] We're rocking it with navigation systems on your car, Bluetooth headsets, flying in planes, yet people still have blow jobs.

[731] You still have whiskey.

[732] You still have good music.

[733] You still have smells.

[734] You still have...

[735] You still have comedy shows.

[736] You can still get a steak.

[737] Look at that fucking picture.

[738] There's a photo that Brian just put up.

[739] This is from Jeff Richards.

[740] Jeff Scott.

[741] Jeff Scott's Facebook page.

[742] And it is Sam Kinnison, Ted Nugent, and Robin Williams in the back of the comedy store.

[743] And that just shows you what kind of fucking history the comedy store has.

[744] Because first of all, this is Kinnison before he even made it.

[745] Because if you look at the way he dressed, Kinnison essentially, after a while, I started to wear like an outfit.

[746] He wore a beret.

[747] He wore the overcoat.

[748] And this, he's got like a golf shirt on.

[749] It's Miami Vice.

[750] You can tell of that.

[751] Is it?

[752] Yeah, that's a sports jacket over the white t -shirt, look.

[753] Oh, you know, Ted Nugent has that.

[754] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[755] Yeah, I'm saying Kinnison.

[756] Remember, Kinnison used to have, like, he had like an outfit.

[757] He'd wear a T -shirt.

[758] Trench coat.

[759] A trench coat and like a beret, and like a beret, right?

[760] Well, he's out of costume.

[761] That's like a rare photo of Kinnison just being Kinnison, just hanging out.

[762] It's a thick guy.

[763] Oh, he's an animal.

[764] Yeah.

[765] His book is fantastic.

[766] Is it?

[767] Yeah, Brother Sam.

[768] Really?

[769] His brother wrote it about him about what he was like.

[770] what was he like he was a regular kid until he got hit by a car oh he did got hit by a car hurt real bad fucked his brain up and then from then on reckless really wild crazy motherfucker wow like that that accident created sam kinnison really look at eric Clapton sam kinnison Phil Collins at the home store look at their high pleated pants now that's kinnison when he became famous yeah look he's actually wearing a dice jacket there look at that but he had the beret He had the beret and he had the crazy hair And that's like a very dice Oh he got enormous Yeah Everybody knows that I'm a fucking Huge huge huge huge Kinnison fan I've always been a gigantic Kinnison fan Why do you like him so much I just loved when he came out When he came out I just thought he was the most Irreverent The most like Like he was just The way he was talking about certain subjects I mean you got to realize this is we're talking about the 80s You know the way he was doing all those bits on religion.

[771] I had never heard anybody attack religion like that, the way he was doing it, and do it in a way where he was like, he was a qualified spokesperson.

[772] He was a former reverend.

[773] Right, I was going to say, he was a minister.

[774] Yeah.

[775] And he was just, his take on shit was so off the deep end crazy.

[776] It was like, I never thought that kind of comedy was possible.

[777] I had to see it.

[778] I always assume the stand -up comedy had a very similar form.

[779] Like, you see it, like monology comedy.

[780] Like monology guys, you're just standing for the microphone and talk like that.

[781] And then I saw, like, Richard Pryor, and I go, oh, there's some physicality to Richard's approach, and he's a lot more honest than the monologist, and then I saw, like, Jerry Seinfeld.

[782] Oh, what he does is, like, he's just got this really clever way of looking at things that he draws you into it.

[783] And then all of a sudden there's a fat guy with a trench coat in a beret doing a bit about homosexual necrophiliacs who would spend money to spend a few hours with the freshest male corpses so he does this fucking bit man and it was so funny that i was working at a in an athletic club and the chick that was working behind the counter she redid the bit for me in the parking lot that's how i found out about it she told me you got to have see this guy sam kinnison she's on the fucking parking lot in in the the the the the the the the the the the right in front of the Boston Athletic Club in South Boston.

[784] And she's on her stomach going, you mean life keeps fucking in the ass even after you're dead?

[785] It never ends!

[786] It never ends!

[787] Oh!

[788] Her impression of Kim, of Kinnison was making me laugh and my eyes are wild.

[789] I'm like, that's brilliant.

[790] And then I saw it, I got a hold of that HBO special.

[791] I believe I got it in VHS.

[792] I didn't actually see it when it was on HBO.

[793] I got a copy of the tape.

[794] We're ancient.

[795] And when I watched it, I remember going, wow.

[796] like i didn't even know that that like i did that one got you in a stand -up yes yes it changed my my view of comedy huh it changed my view of comedy because then i was like well no because you had a way in you're a little bit like that right so you're too good exactly what you're talking about before about you you're i was i felt too crazy for everybody around me yeah and when i'm when my friends were telling me that i was funny i was like listen you like me so you're laughing and i understand that but i'm i think i talk about crazy shit i'm an asshole like like the things that I think are funny, a lot of people are going to be offended by.

[797] Right.

[798] But until I saw Kinnison, I was like, oh, that's possible too.

[799] Like, I didn't even know that that was an option.

[800] Well, because it's, because it represents a true side of life that we don't talk about.

[801] Yes, right?

[802] I ever told you about my acting teacher who came...

[803] You talk about with your friends and quiet, you get together.

[804] Right.

[805] And you go, so what happens?

[806] So I got one knuckle in her asshole, right?

[807] I can't believe this crazy bitch.

[808] She's going to hit me. I'm like, I don't want to hit you.

[809] If you don't fucking hit me, I'm not going to suck your dick boom i hit her and you and your friends are dying laughing could you tell that story on stage no of course you couldn't tell that story on stage no way you never hit a girl before never hit a girl before but i hit the fuck out of this one she was asking me to her man i didn't know what they do and you're looking at your friend go i don't even know how to judge you right right i mean those kind of stories you can't talk about on stage we would always have those you know it's like what you said about me is how i feel about you is that you're incredibly honest dude and we're We're very honest with each other.

[810] We've told each other some crazy stories that we both have done.

[811] So in knowing what a person's written, knowing that there's other people out there, you go, okay, I'm not crazy.

[812] I'm just navigating this insane landscape.

[813] Right.

[814] And I'm going to fuck up along the way.

[815] And there's going to be a lot of places where I shouldn't have gone and people I shouldn't have hung out with and some danger I shouldn't have stepped into.

[816] But, you know, that's all a part of the whole situation.

[817] By the way, you might have made an even bigger mistake.

[818] You know, every time I look back on.

[819] God, man Exactly You're a werewolf by the way It's amazing It's insane It scared me when I came in Yeah scared me too Pat McGee There's a guy named Pat McGee From McGeefx .com And I He's a special effects guy A very, very cool dude And I hired him to make An American Werewolf in London Replica for the studio And it's huge And it is fucking terrifying it's really fucking scary you can see the the pictures uh they're on my twitter on uh at jo rogan or on my instagram which is uh jo rogan experience is that what it is yeah jo rogan experience it's not the joe rogan experience no just joe rogan experience yeah just one word joe rogan experience on twitter you can see the photos of uh the first ones with brian so you get a chance to see the perspective of this thing it's it's really big and terrifying we were like we were going I mean, Joe and I had a very serious conversation about whether a bear would eat it.

[820] A bear would eat it.

[821] And by the way, it gets the size of a big lion.

[822] I think it's going to kill a lion.

[823] It looks very athletic, dude.

[824] Yeah, it looks very athletic.

[825] It probably has a mind of a human, so it'd be even more dangerous.

[826] And it's supernatural.

[827] It's supernatural.

[828] I don't think you can even kill it.

[829] So what the fuck is a lion going to do?

[830] If only a silver bullet kills it, it's just going to rip up a wine apart.

[831] It's going to do whatever it wants to.

[832] But a tiger will mount it and fuck it and make little tiger -warwolf babies.

[833] Probably.

[834] That's what a tiger would do.

[835] Tigers are so big.

[836] They would fuck that werewolf up, man. Yeah, tigers are no joke.

[837] Yeah, tigers are much larger.

[838] And bears would probably fuck up tigers.

[839] I just want to put this thing on Runyon.

[840] Oh, yeah.

[841] I think we just put this thing out on Runyon Canyon.

[842] So all these little girls are like walking up, let's hike, and then just put this thing in the grass looking around the corner or something like that.

[843] Well, did you hear about that camera?

[844] Did you hear about that dude in Montana that dressed up like Bigfoot?

[845] Oh, no. He tried to stand by the side of the road.

[846] He got killed in a car.

[847] He got hit by one girl, one team.

[848] A teenage girl going this way, she hit him, and then when he laid in the road, another teenage girl, going the other way, ran him over and killed him.

[849] Do you see what's breaking news that happened right when we started?

[850] A corpse was found in an L .A. Hotel's water tank.

[851] People have been drinking water and eating out of this water.

[852] They found a body in there that's been in there for two weeks.

[853] This is that girl.

[854] Yeah.

[855] This is that girl that they'd been looking for her.

[856] Where is she from?

[857] She's from Taiwan?

[858] Touristing at a Los Angeles hotel.

[859] where I see.

[860] That's murder.

[861] Yeah, Canadians.

[862] Yeah, I knew those.

[863] Suspicious death, 21 -year -old.

[864] Oh, fuck, man. What a trash.

[865] They won't say what the hotel is, but it's freaking me out.

[866] So it was a water tank for the hotel or a water tank for the city?

[867] The city water thing?

[868] No, it was like the hotel's water tank.

[869] So that means like the - How'd the guy get it out there?

[870] Like, you're drinking hot.

[871] Like, you'll be drinking green tea with everything pretty much.

[872] Oh, my God.

[873] Oh, my God.

[874] Decompose it for two weeks.

[875] Dude, I can't believe if you said green tea.

[876] You're sick fucker.

[877] Dude, this lady, man, that's a poor lady.

[878] That poor girl.

[879] I saw that when they were, I retweeted it.

[880] Somebody had tweeted that this lady was missing.

[881] But whenever a woman's missing, it's always like, oh, shit.

[882] A child or a woman makes me so, it just, it's like the worst thing in the world.

[883] There's one out there.

[884] Because there are people who can't, you know, their families can't live until they find out what happened to that child.

[885] Yeah, and also now we know there's one out there.

[886] There's a guy out there that killed a woman.

[887] So we have to figure out who the fuck that guy.

[888] So what was the story before this?

[889] So you already had heard of this girl.

[890] Like she was missing.

[891] She just one day disappeared.

[892] I don't know.

[893] I just got a tweet.

[894] It's weird, though, to be...

[895] How'd the guy get her into a water tank in a hotel?

[896] That's what's really crazy shit about that.

[897] I don't know.

[898] Has it worked at the hotel or had something to do with the maintenance at the hotel?

[899] Ooh, look at Brian.

[900] He's Columbo in this motherfucker.

[901] He is, Brian.

[902] Yeah, you're right, but totally.

[903] Or just understood where it was.

[904] People are so fucked up.

[905] You know, when you were talking about, to change the subject a little bit, when you were talking about being honest and crazy, I had a great acting teacher I think I can say his name because he actually talks about it and he's a really good teacher he was a medic in Vietnam for two tours he's seen everything you know and he was like one of the first people that somebody said to him in class you know we take class from 7 to 12 I'll say because I love him his name is Richard Lawson he's a really special guy and he's got a great acting class and he said somebody said I never seen you yawn and he goes yeah because I don't put my attention on myself I put my attention out there I'm not thinking about being tired I don't focus on the fatigue and they were like what do you mean he goes I learned in Vietnam watching when a Vietnam, when an American would get shot a lot of times, they'd go into shock.

[906] When you get shot, you go, oh, my God, I get shot.

[907] And a lot of the time, what caused you to go into shock is also the notion that you get shot, and your heart starts beating really fast because you're terrified because you might die.

[908] I mean, you go into that notion.

[909] The Viet Cong, they get shot in these horrific injuries, and you could still interrogate them because they'd be putting their attention out there.

[910] They would immediately start focusing, and their whole way of thinking anyway was they were a leaf, a tree, they weren't the tree.

[911] So for whatever reason, they wouldn't go into shock as quickly.

[912] They would immediately put their attention on, you know, something in front of them.

[913] So they weren't focusing on the wound.

[914] And he said he used to see that when he was a medic, taking care of people.

[915] He saw such a fundamental striking difference in the mindset between the Viet Cong and an American GI.

[916] And he was so impressed with their ability to focus on anything but themselves.

[917] They were not part of this equation.

[918] They were a very small part of the equation that he used did in his own life.

[919] You know, he would use this idea if he was tired or, you know, feeling sick, that he would just literally put his mind over there off himself, take himself out of the, and actually watch himself move through what he had to get done.

[920] I bet you probably get a lot more energy out of just doing that than opposed to like festering on the idea that you're tired.

[921] Of course.

[922] Which is, I always found that the things that I distest the most and other people are the things I'm terrified of seeing in myself and a person who doesn't know how to like push through shit and get things done and just come on.

[923] Come on.

[924] Get up.

[925] Just do it.

[926] Get it done.

[927] Get it done.

[928] Because I'm terrified at being that guy.

[929] I'm terrified at not getting shit done.

[930] And, you know, and it forces me to find it to be gross in other people.

[931] Right.

[932] It's like one of the things that scares me about them taking wrestling out of the Olympics.

[933] Oh, that's the worst.

[934] Yeah, it's crazy.

[935] The oldest sport in the Olympics.

[936] And the fact that it's not even in every high school.

[937] I think there's some real lessons to be learned that a lot of people are never going to learn.

[938] And those lessons are how to get through difficult shit, how to get through physical difficult shit.

[939] And doing things physical, which a lot of people are avoiding, you get a more balanced mastery of your own mind.

[940] And that's a fucking important aspect of being a human being.

[941] And a lot of people are skipping that step.

[942] A lot of people are skipping that step.

[943] I agree.

[944] It can fuck you in the long run, man. It can give you the extra push towards saying something stupid.

[945] It can give you the extra bad energy to take a left.

[946] So, you know, look, to get good at anything, you know, let's take wrestling or jiu -jitsu as an example.

[947] If you want to get good, you better work at what you're bad at.

[948] You better work at the things you're bad at.

[949] You can't go in and tap people out with the stuff that you constantly know, because the guys that are working on the stuff they're not good at are going to surpass you.

[950] You just learn that the hard way if you're not careful.

[951] And I think everything is that way.

[952] You know, you better work at what you are, and you gain a lot of it.

[953] A lot of times I'll tell you, you know, hey, you're bad at music, bad at a musical instrument.

[954] learn how to do something what i like about doing playing the drums i got to learn how to do four different things with which each limb it's really difficult to do i gain a lot from just the practice and the stretch of trying to learn how to be have all four limbs doing something independent that's that's really interesting to my it actually changes my whole mindset i actually approach things very differently for the rest of my day it's really weird i can't explain how or define how but it does make a difference well i think when you take on new activities your mind when it starts concentrating on some new thing, whether it's playing drums or a new game you're trying to master or whatever fuck it is, when your mind gets really enthusiastic about things and starts trying to figure things out and working towards and achieving like little goals, you get invigorated.

[955] Yeah.

[956] It's this feeling of invigoration whenever you pursue anything that you find to be fun, anything that you find to be stimulating.

[957] But the real thing is like everybody's idea of what's stimulating is different.

[958] Right.

[959] It just is.

[960] Thank God.

[961] And the real problem is, like, that poor kid whose fucking dad keeps pushing him into football, and he really wants to suck cock and dance.

[962] You know, I mean, let him dance.

[963] He'd probably be the best dancing cock sucker of all time.

[964] It's like the movie Billy Elliott.

[965] Remember?

[966] Billy Elliott.

[967] It's like, Baleigh!

[968] You do ballet!

[969] Listen, I didn't see the movie Billy Elliott.

[970] I'm a man. I'm an actual man. That's why they need baby grinder, though.

[971] Kids for Kid Grindrinder.

[972] No, he comes from a coal mining family.

[973] I don't even know what Billy Ellett is.

[974] Oh, he comes from a coal mining family, and the guy's like this hard -ass coal miner in the north of England, like, Manjo.

[975] He's in this movie.

[976] But just an English movie from Manchester, and the kid wants to be a ballet dancer.

[977] Is this an independent movie?

[978] No, it's really popular.

[979] But he wants to be a ballet dancer.

[980] He's an amazing ballet dancer.

[981] He's an incredible dancer.

[982] His father's like, ballet!

[983] Ballet!

[984] Like, he can't believe it.

[985] He's so angry.

[986] He's like, ballet, my son's going to do ballet, not a night.

[987] And it's just a disaster for him.

[988] But that's what he is.

[989] He's a fucking ballet dancer.

[990] That's a great movie.

[991] You've got to find out what your groove is.

[992] What's your groove?

[993] Is it playing the drama?

[994] It goes back to the truth.

[995] What is your truth?

[996] If you try to avoid it, you're going to get yourself in some, you're going to be on antidepressants.

[997] You're going to have to mask that truth.

[998] Just do what you're supposed to do.

[999] It is amazing that there's no one that's ever come out with a really effective guidebook on how to live life in a successful direction.

[1000] Like, no one can ever tell you how to be successful.

[1001] Yeah.

[1002] I mean, what is successful to you is not successful, someone else, et cetera, et cetera.

[1003] but to teach you how to manage the whole big package.

[1004] It's like the whole idea of managing the thoughts in your mind is just missing from school.

[1005] I have to just tell you, I'm laughing because when people are self -conscious, like in my class, this guy, Richard Lawson's in his acting teacher, somebody was like, whenever, like, this guy, this guy was, like, embarrassed that he'd done something.

[1006] It's like, I'm funny, I'm just embarrassed by it.

[1007] And my teacher goes like this.

[1008] He goes, hey, I fuck the pig.

[1009] And everybody went, what?

[1010] And he goes, yeah, I fuck the pig.

[1011] I'm writing about it right now.

[1012] You don't think that's embarrassing?

[1013] I'll tell you everything about myself.

[1014] I fucked the pig when I was a kid.

[1015] How about that?

[1016] And everybody just stopped.

[1017] And they were like, well, you know what?

[1018] If you're going to admit that, I can admit fucking anything.

[1019] And it just liberates you when, like, somebody who's a leader in a group goes, hey, guys, guys, guys, in case you guys, can everybody stop acting like a fucking Puritan?

[1020] Because we're all pretty fucked up.

[1021] And I'm the most fucked up, bang, you know?

[1022] So I don't know if there was a point to that.

[1023] but but but which is kind of piggyback on what you're trying to say which is essentially you know just just just whatever your fucking truth is just be honest with yourself and maybe with a couple of your friends and then just fucking follow that i'm not saying fucking pigs that's not a career that that takes a long time to find you know and everybody feels like you need support though if you ever tried to like things that other kids liked like to give it a shot you're like i'm going to try to reading dc comic books i let's start reading dude dude i collected trains for like 10 minutes I was like, I'm going to have a train set.

[1024] I guess trains are cool.

[1025] I tried reading D .C. I read a couple of Batman's, a couple of supermans.

[1026] I'm like, who is right in this lame bullshit?

[1027] No shit, dude.

[1028] I was so hardcore Marvel.

[1029] I did the exact same thing.

[1030] I think I bought the exact same, like a Batman comic.

[1031] I always just didn't get it.

[1032] I always felt like dudes who were into D .C., they were like live with their mom.

[1033] They were ready to shoot themselves.

[1034] Well, I like Conan, I like Conan, the werewolf and the Hulk.

[1035] Those are the ones.

[1036] Yeah.

[1037] The werewolf?

[1038] Yeah.

[1039] What?

[1040] What one was that?

[1041] I don't know.

[1042] Is that a Marvel?

[1043] Was that a Marvel one?

[1044] Marvel?

[1045] Marvel did have some werewolf comic book now that I think about it.

[1046] What was it?

[1047] I think it was called Just Werewolf.

[1048] Wait, is that such thing about DC and Marvel?

[1049] I don't know the difference, but I guess I never listened to, I never read DC stuff.

[1050] I like the Hulk and Conan.

[1051] Yeah.

[1052] Well, actually, I read the Batman series, the original one, the Dark Night series.

[1053] It's pretty good.

[1054] The Hulk, depending on who was the one.

[1055] Yeah, there's a comic book.

[1056] called Werewolf.

[1057] Yeah.

[1058] Marvel.

[1059] Wearwolf by night.

[1060] Yes, that's it.

[1061] Man, I remember that.

[1062] You're really bringing me back.

[1063] Holy shit.

[1064] I can't believe that I completely forgot about this.

[1065] I've read some of these.

[1066] I had to give up my entire comic book collection when I was poor.

[1067] When I was trying to become a stand -up comedian, I had this fat comic book collection.

[1068] I had to for food.

[1069] Wow.

[1070] Yeah, there was some weeks where I squeaked my.

[1071] Bye.

[1072] And I had to get rid of some shit.

[1073] And I had some decent comic books.

[1074] I had comic books that I collected from the 70s, from when I was, I started collecting them when I was like seven or eight years old.

[1075] I lived in San Francisco.

[1076] I would go to these, they had comic book stores.

[1077] I didn't know that in San Francisco.

[1078] Yeah, from age seven to 11.

[1079] I lived in San Francisco.

[1080] The first, uh...

[1081] My parents met in New Jersey, and my dad was kind of a...

[1082] like oh yeah he used to be a cop crazy yeah my parents had split up so my mother met my stepfather and i think they're like let's get the fuck out of here and so where's the first furthest place you can go san francisco so from age seven the cop yeah from age seven to 11 i lived in san francisco so uh we lived there and um san francisco was a trip that was the first place where i'd ever done uh any sort of performing i did a little magic show on fishermen's wharf and I was like eight years old.

[1083] Oh, no way.

[1084] Yeah, I got a magic kit for Christmas, so I'm like, I'll make some money.

[1085] So I'd seen all these people do these things to make money.

[1086] You know, they would do like, they'd have like street performers.

[1087] Yeah.

[1088] So I just decided to be a street performer.

[1089] Wow.

[1090] It was like eight.

[1091] Because I'll show you how much my parents were watching me. That's great.

[1092] Real safe.

[1093] Real safe.

[1094] Yeah, real dangerous.

[1095] But I'd take that money and then I would buy comic books.

[1096] And there was a bunch of, like, comic book stores back then were incredible.

[1097] They had, um, there was a whole series of comic books called creepy and eerie.

[1098] And they were all.

[1099] like really well drawn black and white like dark dark comic books about really fucked up shit werewolves and vampires and that kind of shit and i just would collect those and i had so many it's really weird like subculture i remember like and i think i was with you like if i ever walked into when i was doing mad tv i you know the first years nobody able you know i'd never get recognized if i walked it into any comic book store anywhere in the country i would get recognized like like they're that's who was watching mad tv and guys who own comic book stores and guys who hung out in comic books stores that's funny maybe because it was mad magazine you know imagine if it was like you could like break it down like that like how many people in comic book stores are listening what percentage of comic book store people are into it yeah what is the the real demographic they would like to do that right i was just imagining you joe like like your dad tucking you in at night as a kid and he's just like monsters exist i'm going to get you nothing's real fuck the moon good night every night before you could have been teaching you why are you talking about I was just thinking I was just thinking of your dad taking you in no that's not a really accurate assessment about one time it wasn't really a lot of talking in yeah throwing in what the fucking you're talking about did you actually write that down well because I wanted to remember it comic book stores still exist though have you been to one lately in a nerdist studio or is it yeah no um what I meant was I mean this is there was nothing else.

[1100] There was no internet back then.

[1101] You know, if you've got comic books, this is how you got them.

[1102] They had comic book buyers guides and shit.

[1103] You'd find out which ones you'd try to get a hold of.

[1104] And they had, like, old comic books they would sell at these places.

[1105] They had some of them behind glass, you know, like really special editions and shit.

[1106] I'm surprised I never had a comic book.

[1107] I was thinking about a superhero that was just really good at getting you to fall in love with them.

[1108] Like they were so, like, I guess Aphrodite or something.

[1109] But they're just like, if you're in love with somebody, you're never going to want to kill them.

[1110] You're completely putty in their hands.

[1111] I think that was Bruce Banner.

[1112] I had to sell mine to give to a girl that later I found out in life she was using for heroin and not in abortion which I thought it was for so you thought it was for an abortion she thought it was heroin yeah no she was buying heroin I thought she needed money for it so I sold my comic book collection and then about two years ago she did one of those 12 -step things where she had to like get or get uh uh come up to people and you know get their uh what is it like apologize to them right and and so she had to say that to me like look i was a drug addict i you know there wasn't an abortion you know it's just wow yeah i think i've talked about it before on here yeah that's right you did now i'm thinking about it and remembering it that's crazy man that had to be a weird feeling that had to be a weird feeling yeah i dated a girl was a coke then I didn't know it.

[1113] But I only dated her a couple times.

[1114] It wasn't like a long thing that I found it afterwards.

[1115] She was just on coke constantly.

[1116] Probably fun.

[1117] I mean, really annoying.

[1118] This is, when I was in my 20s, I didn't, my sense of screwy people was not nearly as good as it is now.

[1119] Takes you time.

[1120] Well, you have to learn how to trust yourself, you know?

[1121] That's true.

[1122] That's actually true.

[1123] Because a lot of times you ignore your first impulse.

[1124] You're like, nah, it can't be, you know.

[1125] I actually, like, I think I used to give people the benefit of the doubt too much.

[1126] And as you get older, You get a little bit more cynical.

[1127] I mean, you know, in a good way.

[1128] You're a great guy, and that is your main issue, is you would give people the benefit of the doubt too much.

[1129] You would want them to be something different than they are.

[1130] You would like create them.

[1131] And, you know, and then when someone would go, no, that's not what they are.

[1132] They're this.

[1133] Yeah.

[1134] You're like, no, no, no, no. Right.

[1135] You and I have some funny moments because of that over the years.

[1136] Well, I would have saved a lot of time and money, a lot of time and money if I just listened to some of your observations about, people yeah but then you wouldn't be you you know well yeah and nothing was too material nothing was too bad i never made any huge mistakes you know i look back and i go you know i mean you're fine but i was right you just didn't it was just shocking to me that you didn't see like i would say like okay you don't you don't see who this guy is like what do you what are you hanging around with you see this guy is a this is a wreck you're you guys gonna pull you into some crazy situation where someone's going to jail or you know someone's house is going to catch on fire what are you doing right this is and you'd be like guys a good guy like the fuck he's a good guy what are you crazy like you you just had a blinder on and i think it was probably did not to get too deep or crazy but i think it was probably because you had a bit of a blinder on as to your own self then you didn't see yourself as honestly i think as you see yourself now yeah now i couldn't imagine you hanging around with an idiot not on a time you wouldn't it wouldn't exist not inspiring yeah and all the shit that um you had to deal it was there was also a thing of when you first came to like when you were on television on mad tv and thing i think you were trying to like manage like having a show business career like wow like this is uh how do i was actually i'm trying to mimic other people like watch how people would behave and i'm like i guess i got to do that like i you know well you were also like really enamored by the people that were in and you wanted to be like them Like, one of the things that was kind of crazy is I wish we had some of this on film.

[1137] When you first were doing stand -up, when I met you, when you were doing mad TV, like, you were this wild crazy dude.

[1138] And then you would go on stage and you would be like real, like, observational.

[1139] Yeah, yeah, like out of myself, you know?

[1140] You know what?

[1141] That's, I was thinking about that in the beginning of the podcast is as you, that's because, in my opinion, when you're younger, you actually think there's a lot of mystery to life.

[1142] Like, you actually think that other people know better than you do, that your impulses and your instincts are actually wrong, and there are people out there that have the answers.

[1143] And so, like, you know, when you're in a room with a bunch of 50 -year -olds in suits, you get very dazzled by the notion that these people know more than I do because they've lived more and stuff like that.

[1144] Because they're all the pales.

[1145] Yeah, and you get older.

[1146] And what happens is, especially if you've been getting better at something and you've learned kind of how to get really good at something.

[1147] and what that takes.

[1148] You learn to recognize the peaks in the valleys and the plateaus and stuff like that.

[1149] And what you realize is that accomplishment, the things that you have admired through your whole life.

[1150] It's not a mystery.

[1151] I don't care if I'm sitting next to Robert De Niro or some big scientist now or whatever.

[1152] I like what they do and they're accomplished people.

[1153] How they got there, how they got there is not as much a mystery to me anymore.

[1154] It's not, it's, you know, I have my own journey that I'm proud of.

[1155] I'm doing my own version of what I do.

[1156] So I can have a very good conversation with a surgeon, for example.

[1157] He has a set of skills.

[1158] I have a set of skills.

[1159] We chose to do different things.

[1160] But I'm not awed or intimidated or in mystery of how somebody can be so successful, quote unquote, because that's no longer, that's no longer blinding or dazzling to me. And I think when you're younger, you are just thinking to yourself, I am really ultimately somebody who has a lot to learn and I need to mimic.

[1161] mimic what i what looks to me like successful yeah yeah well i think we we all do that in the beginning and you were just trying to find your your your footed on stage you know look it's not an easy thing to get to become a stand -of -comedian or to give an accurate representation of how you're funny off stage you know i was trying to explain this to someone the other day who has friends that want to be a comedian and uh she was saying well they can't do it they can only make people laugh that know them they can only make the friends laugh like on stage they'll be fucking terrible and say yeah maybe now you say that but whatever the fuck it is that allows a person to make a bunch of people laugh same thing to yeah you hone that craft you get to figure out how to transmit that on stage but it is exactly the same absolutely if a guy's funny off stage I have told so many people that they should be comics I'm like dude you can do this it's the most awesomeest job ever you ever want to be it you can do it you can do it and only a few have ever actually listened but it's it's now now after all this time like the other day when I did that awesome show with you in uh Vegas we had how many people 3 ,000 people it was it was fun it was so what I thought to myself when I was on stage I go you know I feel as though I'm what the way I'm speaking and what I'm doing I would be doing this for 20 people or in my living room or these 3 ,000 like that line starts to really blur and that was what that was kind of like you know you're up there with that many people but it still feels somewhat intimate you know well these crowds are very different than any other 3 ,000 seat crowd you'll ever have they're of one mind in some ways it's crazy because of this podcast because when people i think when people come to see you that have that know you from the podcast they fucking know you pretty damn good yeah i mean they they're more than my best friends know yeah yeah because i've pretty much dissected everything and you've dissected everything about your life almost to the point that none of these guys just know like a couple sentences i've told a lot of personal shit on this podcast i've said a lot of like Oh, yeah, as of I, as we all have.

[1162] And, you know, there's just a rants of you and I talking that have been put to music and images on YouTube.

[1163] There's some life -changing shit.

[1164] I've had people tweet me and they say, I watch this video a hundred times.

[1165] And every time I watch it, it makes me more enthusiastic about life and more energetic about getting out and getting things done.

[1166] So when you're dealing with a crowd like that, you've got like this massive, positive vibe from all these people.

[1167] I mean, even when they're drunk douchebags, it's like there's only a couple of them.

[1168] And they're fine.

[1169] I mean, we've had a couple of people to yell some shit up, but it's always fun, man. I had a blast.

[1170] Very rarely do we have, like, a negative moment in any of these shows.

[1171] It's crazy because you're involving alcohol and thousands of strangers.

[1172] Well, you said, I remember, like, at first you were like, I don't know how many people are going to show up, you know, maybe it's just a thousand.

[1173] You stuck your head out.

[1174] Like, the quarter of that arena was full.

[1175] You went, holy shit.

[1176] I said, I was like, what the fuck?

[1177] They're all the way out to the bleachers, like the top nose queen.

[1178] Yeah, but unfortunately, and I apologize, if any of you were a part of that, the people that were at the high.

[1179] highest level they had a hard time hearing because apparently there's a bit of an echo like when with voice you know it doesn't carry the way a club does and because of that we're not going to do that room anymore I'm trying to find like a real closed in space the the acoustics for a place that's that large I mean that the ceiling is so high that when you're up there I guess people have just had to eat it that came to see comedy shows like that because like I guess like the blue collar tour or something like that I'm pretty sure they could sell out that whole place.

[1180] If they sold out that arena, the people in the top areas probably have a hard time hearing them unless they set up to sound differently for comedy shows.

[1181] They probably set it up differently.

[1182] I saw it in Murphy and Arena like that.

[1183] I had no problem.

[1184] You know, like the House of Blues?

[1185] No, it's too small.

[1186] And the problem is the House of Blues is awesome.

[1187] I love that place.

[1188] In fact, I would prefer it, but they don't have, it's not all seated.

[1189] So all those people around the bar are all standing and they all just start talking.

[1190] It just always happens and i would do it too i like that place that vinyl you know but i don't i think the hard you know is that the place in the hard rock yeah the one that uh andrew dice clay just started doing uh weekly shows well we need to come up with a new place because what i try to do is do it wherever the fights are but mgm doesn't really have a place except that comedy club they they have the comedy club at the mgm but that's you know brad garrett's comedy club they always have like somebody that's down there and it's only like 300 seats but the there's no like 1800 cedar there's no like nice room that I could get during those nights.

[1191] Like we used to do the Lion King Theater.

[1192] That was badass, remember?

[1193] This was where we hung out with Georgiosuclos.

[1194] We first party with that dude.

[1195] He's a guy from ancient aliens with the wacky hair.

[1196] Sweetheart of a guy.

[1197] He's really into like the ancient alien theory, the idea that we were visited at one point in time by some intelligent beings from other planets who taught people how to build cool shit.

[1198] Interesting.

[1199] I promise.

[1200] Guys like that, it's like a neat theory, but I just never.

[1201] It's a great show.

[1202] And your, and your proof is, well, you know.

[1203] Well, there's none, but there is some unique aspects to ancient man and ancient civilizations that make those theories so juicy.

[1204] One of them being places like Machu Picchu or Chechnica, there's a few, especially Machu Picchu, which is like way to the fucking top of some mountains somewhere, and that, like, they try to figure out how the fuck they get these rocks up here these things are goddamn huge yeah and there's there's some amazing stuff in peru these gigantic stones that are like caught to fit the perfectly the stone underneath it you're talking about hundreds of tons stacked on top of each other i mean just an amazing amazing piece of construction yeah we don't know how they did it but it doesn't mean it was aliens most likely in my opinion whenever i look at stuff like that the preponderance of evidence the mass amount of evidence points to there had to have been at least some levels of sophistication off on a different branch that varied from where we are today and what I mean by that is like say if you look at life you look at life organic life all over the world there are different animals in Australia that just don't exist here in America there's kangaroos and You look at Africa with lions and tigers in Asia, and you look at all these different animals.

[1205] You look at all these different possible eco -chains and possible systems of what could and couldn't have been.

[1206] And then you read all these different stories that you hear from all the ancient civilizations that would talk about a cataclysmic disaster that wiped out an earlier, more advanced civilization.

[1207] They all talk about that.

[1208] the epic of Gilgamesh in Babylon, in Iraq, the Bible talks about it with the flood and Noah.

[1209] Almost all of them deal with a massive history changing event.

[1210] And most likely it looks like that was meteor impacts around 13 ,000 years ago.

[1211] They're finding more and more evidence that there's this nuclear glass.

[1212] We talked about it yesterday, and I'm not going to go into detail with it today, but there's this glass that exists at the strata around 12 ,000.

[1213] and 13 ,000 years ago, where the entire, like, all throughout Europe, smashed by these, by these meteors.

[1214] So you're talking about, like, big impact.

[1215] Every religious tradition has a story of a great flood.

[1216] Of an And you look at things like Machupeche, you look at all these ancient structures.

[1217] It's, to me, it seems very likely that there's different branches of intelligent civilization.

[1218] And some of them go off and become Egypt at the same time where other people, you know, thousands of miles away in Africa are essentially living the same way they lived a thousand years ago, and then boom, Egypt, they have pyramids and sphinxes and...

[1219] Yeah, there's a book that one of a Pulitzer Prize that I've talked about before called Guns, Germs, and Steel.

[1220] And Jared Diamond actually talks about, for example, in China, one of the areas where language written word was, had its...

[1221] And also in the Fertile Crescent in Babylon, the cuneiform, like, writing.

[1222] You know, the first time there was a language that was written in alphabet.

[1223] it.

[1224] Whereas the Aborigines of Australia were still living in the Stone Age when the Brits came to Australia.

[1225] Why?

[1226] A lot of it can be traced to the fact that we learn from each other as societies.

[1227] The Yangtze and the Yellow River in China brought information both sides.

[1228] That's why you have a huge area that speaks one language of Mandarin, which is incredible.

[1229] It's almost a scene nowhere else.

[1230] So so much of what we, like the fertile crescent, the area of Turkey and Babylon and things like that.

[1231] They had edible grasses.

[1232] They had animals you could domesticate, and they had ways to get around.

[1233] The topography allowed you to share information.

[1234] So one group would come up with an innovation of technology, a writing form or whatever, and also the fact that they had farming, they had to create central governments, all that.

[1235] And so that's a lot of the reasons why.

[1236] He basically says, why are some civilizations so much more advanced than others?

[1237] Here's the reason.

[1238] That's what the books are out.

[1239] It's pretty amazing.

[1240] There's all sorts of different environments in the world, and there's all sorts of different bountiful resource areas where you can exist and subsist off the land fairly easily.

[1241] It leaves room for innovation.

[1242] And in a place like Peru, it might have been like that.

[1243] Sure.

[1244] It's much more likely that than people came in from UFOs.

[1245] In fact, the Andes he talks about was one of the only places that had domesticated animals.

[1246] You could domesticate llamas.

[1247] What did that mean?

[1248] When you can domesticate animals like that, you can move huge things.

[1249] Huge things.

[1250] Lomas are unbelievably strong.

[1251] Very strong.

[1252] Very easily domesticated.

[1253] They make actually really good pets.

[1254] So you can move huge things.

[1255] There was arable land.

[1256] But the thing is, they're talking about like hundreds of tons.

[1257] Yeah.

[1258] These things are so goddamn big.

[1259] It's, uh, they had to have been an advanced civilization.

[1260] But it's real possible that they could have been an advanced civilization without any help from aliens.

[1261] Well, they certainly said that that area is also in, in guns, terms and steel, that area had written was one of the, when the own place is isolated from anything else that created its own.

[1262] written language.

[1263] Wow.

[1264] So part of that was because they were able to they were able to grow corn and things like that and you could you could subsist over the winter, the climate was somewhat.

[1265] But my take on it is not that that disqualifies the idea of us being visited by alien life.

[1266] I don't think it does.

[1267] But I think you have to look objectively at like it is a for sure is it a massive feat of accomplishment that human beings built the pyramids.

[1268] It's so whoever did it whether even if the aliens helped us.

[1269] Holy shit, a fucking building you know i mean that's that exists okay no one's taken that away but it is it is it possible that at some point in history something came down and and fucked with the genetics of lower animals and tried to create some intelligent being with their DNA in it of course that's possible too it's not likely but it's very possible we are already taking probes and putting them on mars if we think about where we are right technological And we think about what we just talked about environments where there's a bounty of resources and where you can innovate and where you're, maybe you're in a situation where you don't have a predator situation like humans have had most of their life.

[1270] And you, you're able to develop much quicker without any worry about predation.

[1271] So you innovate much quicker.

[1272] And you're living on this planet and you're a thousand million years more advanced than us.

[1273] Because this planet doesn't get hit by asteroids.

[1274] And then you come and visit and you fuck with monkeys and make, people and then disappear and leave them with their stories and then they repeat their stories over the campfire and as each generation goes on they become more and more preposterous whereas 20 generations later this this story involves a dude coming back from the dead and walking on water and people have added their own bullshit to it but at one point in time it was an alien who came down and fuck with some monkeys and made people that is entirely possible when they they talk about the universe being infinite like like the theory is that it's actually infinite that's nobody gets that you know i mean in other words i don't get that well what that actually means that that that that if it's infinite then what's happening right now between you and i has happens in another world because that's what the notion of infinity is that any possibility any mathematical possibility has already has already happened or is happening we can't happen we can't even wrap our heads around that infinite like there are other universes not are you talking not just one other universe but another universe where you have lived the exact same life.

[1275] Because that's the mathematical possibility.

[1276] Yes, because it's so big that every possibility exists.

[1277] That's like the wooden physics when they say a chimpanzee could sit at a typewriter and it's possible that he would just sit there and start hitting.

[1278] It is mathematically possible.

[1279] And write like a great book, right?

[1280] Right, right all of Shakespeare's works.

[1281] That's horseshit though.

[1282] It's the idea if you took it.

[1283] A hater said that.

[1284] You took a fucking, it's the same idea as you take a bottle, throw it to the ground and it scatters.

[1285] But there is a mathematical possibility when you throw that bottle of the ground, there's a mathematical that all that it'll scatter in in what direction in the same direction it was assimilated so it'll come right back together that's a possibility that's a mathematical possibility yeah yeah it there's so many variables that that's impossible to and it might not happen in a billion universes but on one that takes place on one you flip a coin and it lands on its side a hundred times in a row right there's somewhere that that's possible is it possible that it could land once in a row yes then in there is a world somewhere where a man flips a coin on a table and it lands on its side a hundred times in a row and everyone's seeing it as a fucking heart attack and then the building gets hit by a meteor okay all of that shit's happened yeah and that's something that we can't we can't understand we have this like really sort of abstract idea of infinity when you look up at the sky you're like yeah look at all the stars wow it's real pretty night and you run into the house as quick as you can before you have to think about it too much but how big was that meteor that hit not big you know what the biggest piece they've got from it is seven millimeters so far what the largest chunk yeah they've recovered that that's how that's how that's how most of it just disappears like tunguska tunguska they believe it probably exploded before it impacted exploded in the sky above tunguska um and that's one of the reasons why it wiped out such an alarmingly large area and that was bigger than like i forget how many nuclear bombs, too.

[1286] It was a few times.

[1287] Well, the Tesla maniacs all think that that was Nikola Tesla fucking with his death ray because it coincided with around the same time that Westinghouse was aiming to shut down his ability to project electricity through the air.

[1288] So the real crazy Tesla tinfoil hat people believe that that was him shooting at death rate.

[1289] You read a book about him.

[1290] He was like...

[1291] He was a few books about it.

[1292] It was amazing guy.

[1293] He was the great genius, right?

[1294] I mean, what was his...

[1295] Well, he also died penniless.

[1296] I mean, he wasn't a smart guy when it came to finances and being taken advantage of, and he also was in love with a pigeon, okay?

[1297] So he was completely fucking crazy.

[1298] But he was also responsible for more than 100 patents.

[1299] He was a brilliant, brilliant man. I mean, he created a lot of incredible inventions and believed that it was possible to receive signals and ideas from other dimensions.

[1300] He believed that he was able to retrieve signals from intelligent beings in the universe.

[1301] What would you do with those signals?

[1302] That's a problem.

[1303] I mean, I think a guy who has a mind that's that insanely supercharged.

[1304] I mean, you're talking about a guy who, that, you ever see the display that they put on at the World Fair?

[1305] The first time they showed electricity to people and they lit up this entire town, the World Fair, wherever the fuck it was, Chicago or something like that.

[1306] That's incredible by Oh, but you have to see it.

[1307] But pull up the pictures, Brian.

[1308] That's crazy.

[1309] World Fair, Tesla, electric display.

[1310] Because to let people know how incredible this was, he was a guy who figured out alternating current.

[1311] You know, Thomas Edison resisted all of his ideas.

[1312] There's direct current and alternating current.

[1313] We have both, right?

[1314] ACDC.

[1315] Okay.

[1316] The alternating current, the idea behind it was that your electric shableness, it doesn't need as much electricity as your fucking car does you know you're plugging in your gay hybrid car and I say gay G -H -E -Y don't hate you plug it in your fucking Prius I'm getting a Lexus it doesn't are you really what which one are you getting the new hybrid but it's a badass car are you son of a bitch you're getting the L -S 460 that's the shit I think it's a four it gets 40 miles in the gallon is it the big one four door is big yeah L S it's a it's a fucking luxury living I can't wait it's the quietest car ever that's inside of them they're so insulated.

[1317] They're a fantastic piece of electronics and engineering.

[1318] The way they absorb bumps shocking.

[1319] Really?

[1320] Yeah, you run over bumps and it's like nothing.

[1321] The whole frame, or rather the whole suspension, just gives in the perfect amount on each wheel to keep the car balanced and flat.

[1322] That, by the way, it really saves you energy during the day when you drive.

[1323] Yeah, massive, massive feat of engineering that.

[1324] It's the Lexus LS -460H, I think you're talking about.

[1325] It's 400 plus horsepower, hybrid, beautiful fucking car.

[1326] And the new one is even doper looking.

[1327] They have a new design that they've just come out.

[1328] Brian, see if you can see that picture in the top, not the top left, but the one, yeah, the one you were right.

[1329] Yeah, that one, to the right, the black and white went above it.

[1330] Look at that.

[1331] Yeah, that's what he did.

[1332] That was his accomplishment of lighting up the world's fair.

[1333] Yeah, this is people that had never seen electricity before.

[1334] They were used to walking around with fucking candles and shit.

[1335] And this guy lit up.

[1336] this whole area.

[1337] Is that Chicago?

[1338] Is that where it is?

[1339] Yeah.

[1340] It's crazy, man. And I mean, this was, I think, I want to say 19 -20?

[1341] What was it?

[1342] No, 1908.

[1343] I was going to say 19 -06.

[1344] I think I just guessed, though.

[1345] You know?

[1346] Brian can't read.

[1347] Let's find out Tesla World for it.

[1348] If you could sit down and talk to three people, who would they be?

[1349] He'd be number one.

[1350] Really?

[1351] Yeah.

[1352] Yeah, he'd be number one.

[1353] number two would be johnny cash really fuck yeah how come i want to hear some stories man johnny cash did the the dang man he was really out there doing it doing shows every night fucking banging out songs and drinking whiskey and taking pills and punching people and fucking next get the car next town boom you know i'm not a big wakene phoenix fan but even i enjoyed his uh i mean i became i was a big wakene phoenix fan i should change that i was i loved him and gladiated but when he became like that fake rapper guy and he did that whole thing for like a year I'm like come on man what the fuck I think he just got bored and crazy 1893?

[1354] 1893?

[1355] Was it really?

[1356] Yes Holy shit 1893 wow but but he played an awesome Johnny Cash I mean he fucking knocked it out of the park the dude's a badass actor I just thought that I mean I shouldn't even say I don't like him because that's not really true it's just that that whole thing he did where he's like pretending to be crazy I was like, why are you wasting your time with this for?

[1357] You're doing a fake document.

[1358] Who are your friends?

[1359] Who's allowing you to talk?

[1360] Let me see what's in your pills.

[1361] Come here.

[1362] Yeah, that's a product of L .A. too.

[1363] That's a strange kind of weird.

[1364] He would like pretend to be a loser and fall down on stage and shit.

[1365] Like, what the fuck are you?

[1366] You were the guy in Gladiator, man?

[1367] I think he did a lot of drugs.

[1368] I think he had a, yeah.

[1369] Guess who else does?

[1370] Who?

[1371] This guy.

[1372] Yeah, this guy right here.

[1373] No. Yeah, but I think he likes.

[1374] But I do the kind that are good for you.

[1375] Yeah, I think he liked his pills and blow.

[1376] Yeah, that stuff's no good, man That's not the shit for you I don't know, I just heard I don't know, I don't know I don't know Joachim if you're listening I'm not trying to...

[1377] Why don't you have an isolation tank?

[1378] I need to get an isolation tank I don't do, I've only done it a couple times He lives in Venice, he doesn't need to I have this conversation with Duncan Yeah, you really don't if you want to go visit You live in Venice, you're sad But he doesn't live there anymore He moved and you're not going to say where he moved Because there's a lot of checks It'd be drawn to him That's right, man irresponsibly West Hollywood Shut up!

[1379] Shut up, Brian, you're fucking ruining everything You're ruining everything You really should be getting in one on a regular basis.

[1380] And I'm, yeah, I'm, I'm sick of trying to recruit my fans, my friends, rather.

[1381] Why do you say?

[1382] Why do you say that?

[1383] It's a good reboot?

[1384] It's a good reboot.

[1385] It's a good reboot, huh?

[1386] I think that it's one of the most important things.

[1387] I think it's one of the most important things for relaxing.

[1388] It's one of the most important things for, like, resetting your thinking, to being away from anything else, to being completely alone with your thoughts.

[1389] Without your body even interfering, I had a conversation with you.

[1390] Duncan last night.

[1391] Duncan's doing so well.

[1392] He's super happy to come with us to Columbus.

[1393] We're going to have a good time with him.

[1394] Cincinnati and Columbus.

[1395] Ohio, yeah.

[1396] March 1st, we're at the Taft Theater in Cincinnati and then March 2nd.

[1397] We are at the Palace in Columbus.

[1398] Yeah, we're super psyched.

[1399] That Palace Theater is so fucking beautiful.

[1400] It's an amazing theater.

[1401] It's one of those where you just sit there and look at the how amazing the place is.

[1402] I love Columbus.

[1403] I haven't been there since I did Talking Monkeys in space, which is my 2009 special I did it at the Southern Theater in Columbus and I had the time of my fucking life How many special have you done?

[1404] I don't know if you know.

[1405] Live from the belly of the beast.

[1406] Well the first, if you count all my work ever, it's you're going to be dead someday or I'm going to be dead someday.

[1407] That's my first CD and then live in the belly of the beast, not so good.

[1408] And then I was busy doing too much shit and I took a lot of time off, then got really into it again.

[1409] So you're dealing with like 2000 to 2005 is when I did my Showtime special, Joe Rogan Live.

[1410] Originally for Netflix.

[1411] And then 2006 was Shiny Happy Jihad, which is a cassette.

[1412] A cassette.

[1413] A cassette.

[1414] A track.

[1415] It's a soundtrack.

[1416] It's a record.

[1417] A recording on plastic.

[1418] It was a CD rather, not visual at all.

[1419] And then Talking Monkeys in Space, which was the one that was on Spike TV and Comedy Central.

[1420] and then live from the tabernacle six the lake's done six yeah and I'm ready to do another one man this new hour that I'm doing I'm fucking really having such a good time I haven't been so into creating new material and fucking around on stage it's such a long time it's such a good feeling like that's exactly how I feel I'm just writing new stuff and and honing it and watching it grow it's so much fun well that's a there's a certain amount of attention you really do have to give a bit before you let it go and put it on a special and unfortunately sometimes i'll come up with a bit and it's not done yet and it gets on a special and i saw it's out there i know i know man i had so many like i got i got so many things i my circumcision bit that's on my last special that was a really recent bit it was really recent before it's better to save them man i had to put it on there though because it went it went so well with everything that i was talking about but then of course as soon as i put it on i got some new tag lines you need to a patch for it you need to do an update i just want maybe like the stuff i'm doing i'm just excited this is the most honest i've ever been to with my expression like i've never been this honest well i think the comedy is one of those things like almost everything in life like being a human being where's the more energy you put to it the more you focus on it the more you try to take corrective steps and enhance and improve the better it gets i i feel like i'm better now than i've ever been before i really do i i feel like i'm better at timing and I'm feeling it more.

[1421] It's like I'm into it more.

[1422] I'm so happy that I'm involved in doing something with stand -up comedy.

[1423] And I can tell you anybody this.

[1424] If there's whatever you do, whether you make cabinets or you love fucking fixing cars, whatever that fucking thing is that jives with you, that really hits your vibration and tunes into your frequency, if you find that, you don't work anymore.

[1425] Working's done.

[1426] All of my work is fun.

[1427] I worked last night for free.

[1428] tried to pay me at the laugh act i'm like get the fuck out of here jamie i wouldn't i didn't want to sign his paperwork i'm like get out of here keep that money bitch i'm just because i'm just there to fuck around i'm there i'm there because it's all a fun thing to do it's not like here to punch the clock give me my $15 no have you been going there a lot lately i do don't i do dama rarrow show a lot there yeah i've done it a few times now why don't you get your own night there so we can start going i know i would be into doing that maybe uh one night we could do that.

[1429] Jamie Besat is a good person.

[1430] He's a great guy.

[1431] He does more for charity than any of that.

[1432] He's a sweetie.

[1433] He's a sweetie.

[1434] I love that guy.

[1435] And it's a great fucking club.

[1436] I busts his balls all the time.

[1437] I always have.

[1438] Buddy, because do you remember when Paul Muni come to my club and wants to say the N -word?

[1439] And I say, no, body.

[1440] You know, he got a little crazy with the N -word.

[1441] He was worried after the whole Michael Richard thing.

[1442] I was there that night.

[1443] I didn't see it.

[1444] I left.

[1445] The comedy store, you know, back in those days, the comedy store would have fucking taken that video and released it virally themselves you know Michael Richards just wasn't you know he did he was trying to just stand him and he'd never done standup I don't think he's wasn't that funny well what happened was he's not good at it and he made a mistake he thought he could get away with something and he went down a road and it didn't work you know but the people that tried to pretend that it was like him running up to some people and shouting racial slurs at them unannounced it's not like that You're talking about he was interrupted during a performance, and he tried to find a way out of it.

[1446] And he's very unskilled in this particular art form.

[1447] He was very angry.

[1448] And he was also an elitist.

[1449] He was also a guy, and still is, a guy who's a very successful, famous guy, who's probably used to people treating him very well, and not really used to young black eyes.

[1450] You don't give a fuck who he is, and he's saying he sucks.

[1451] Right.

[1452] Tell him the truth.

[1453] And he was so infuriated that his point of view, immediately.

[1454] He immediately went racial.

[1455] I mean, he went right for the jugular with that.

[1456] You'd be hung upside down with a pitchfork in your ass or something.

[1457] Yeah.

[1458] Like that's a violent image.

[1459] Well, it's ridiculous.

[1460] He's kind of an asshole, though.

[1461] You're not a racist.

[1462] You're an asshole.

[1463] Those people that get that gig, man, and you've had that gig, that TV gig.

[1464] You know, you've had it to a lesser extent than Michael Richards, of course, did.

[1465] But Michael Richards, when he had it, when he was on that set for nine years, whatever the hell it is, That guy was a god.

[1466] Michael Richards is here.

[1467] Kramer's here.

[1468] Everybody was so excited to be around him.

[1469] Anywhere he went.

[1470] Yeah, everywhere he went, people were opening doors for him and getting him things, and he was allowed to be that sort of goofy guy.

[1471] Well, when the party ended, when Seinfeld ended, then it's Michael Richards on his own.

[1472] Okay, well, so what does he do?

[1473] He tries to do a sitcom.

[1474] It doesn't work.

[1475] So he says he's going to start doing stand -up.

[1476] But you have to have ultimate humility to be already famous and then try to get good at comedy.

[1477] comedy yeah that takes fucking balls and the only person i've ever seen pull it off is charlie murphy charlie murphy is the only guy i've ever seen get good from being an open micer while famous wow i didn't really yeah he did it he's got balls dude charlie murphy has fucking balls i love that yeah he's got balls he would go up and he was doing 40 he looks so much like eddie yeah he was doing 40 minutes like a year after he started doing chapelle show when he had no previous experience whatsoever he's closing shows what was he doing before this he's an actor yeah he's been an actor forever but you know to to go as a michael richards where you're beloved as being hilarious yeah because everybody was writing your stuff you had a bunch of a really talented hilarious writers putting words in your mouth putting the brilliant words in your mouth and it's a you know you're you kick the door open you come sliding in oh your hair's all crazy and you say the awesome shit and everybody loves you And then all of a sudden there's nothing and there's nothing and it stays nothing.

[1478] And you're like, I got to get out of here.

[1479] I got to do something.

[1480] And you start going to the comedy store.

[1481] And then you realize like, wow, this is, you're dealing with an in completely different art form.

[1482] That's like being a runner and saying, I'm going to go play football.

[1483] That's right.

[1484] It's like, oh, Jesus.

[1485] Now what are all these other obstacles?

[1486] I'm playing football now.

[1487] It's also funny because with stand -up, your fame, you can be the most famous person in world.

[1488] That'll get you through, even in L .A., it'll get you five minutes of reverence.

[1489] And then, and then the audience goes, well, wait a minute, this isn't, I'm not laughing, people shut down.

[1490] Yeah, it's not even fine, man. That night he had the most beautiful girlfriend with him.

[1491] And I felt, I would like to talk to her because she was there, he was dragging this girl to show to show, just big boo, big butt girl in a night.

[1492] Well, everybody said he was doing something that was probably, I probably, yeah, yeah.

[1493] I remember I called you that night before that happened.

[1494] just because I saw him at the comedy store and I'm like, dude, he just got off stage and he was fucking going crazy.

[1495] Were you with me when we ran it to, uh, um, who told us about it?

[1496] Was it Brent?

[1497] No, it was, uh, who told us about it?

[1498] Oh, shit.

[1499] What's his face?

[1500] Breed Ernst, yeah.

[1501] It was Brett Ernst.

[1502] Brett Ernst went to the, yes, it was Brett Ernst.

[1503] He went to the laugh actor and came back over and you had seen his comedy store set.

[1504] I saw his comedy store set.

[1505] I called you.

[1506] because it was so ridiculous.

[1507] It was so ridiculous of agro and crazy.

[1508] I took a photo with him that night, too.

[1509] I have a picture of me and him.

[1510] Well, I was there.

[1511] I remember the night that he did it.

[1512] I had done a set, and he was on the next show.

[1513] So I think I was on the 8 o 'clock show, and he was on the 10 o 'clock show.

[1514] And I remember, I think I got off stage, and then he, I think he came on right after me. And I left.

[1515] I left, because I had seen him a bunch of times already, and it's too bad he didn't stay.

[1516] I literally left, and he was on stage.

[1517] He interviewed that girl, whoever that was, maybe go to.

[1518] What girl?

[1519] The girl that he was wet that night.

[1520] That would be so weird to see that side of it.

[1521] He was mean to me. I auditioned for him, and he was mean to me. Like, he was, he was, he was, he was made me feel uncomfortable in the room, like, just by just being, I made a joke and he didn't laugh.

[1522] And, you know, I was just auditioning for a new sitcom.

[1523] And I, and I never forgot it.

[1524] I just thought that was, he, it was a bad experience.

[1525] And I always had a chip on my shoulder, but I was like, guy was kind of a dick to me, so, you know, it wasn't that nice a guy.

[1526] There's a lot of people out there that are dicks.

[1527] A lot of people out there are dicks that people haven't found out yet.

[1528] I wonder what he's doing now.

[1529] Pulling his hair out, living in a big house.

[1530] That's Sniffer.

[1531] What does he do?

[1532] What does a guy like Kramer do?

[1533] Shatterbate all day.

[1534] He's Kramer, by the way, forever, right?

[1535] Yeah.

[1536] Like, I'm the Fear Factor guy for life.

[1537] That's Kramer.

[1538] What do you do?

[1539] You got to figure out.

[1540] I'm the UFC dude now.

[1541] I'm the UFC dude, too.

[1542] I saw, I saw, but I'm not as well.

[1543] I saw Mel Gibson the other day.

[1544] Powerful Mel Gibson.

[1545] I was in, uh, I was in Malibu, and he was sitting with his status family.

[1546] Yeah, I know.

[1547] I was having dinner with him.

[1548] I saw him.

[1549] Nazis.

[1550] He just looked old and angry.

[1551] I think he's a guy who's actually just gets drunk and then become self -destructed and starts saying, he has Tourette's.

[1552] He's always at Moon Shadows.

[1553] He's always at Moon Shadows, that bar or whatever that bar restaurant in Miami or in Malibu, Miami.

[1554] He's there all the time.

[1555] Imagine getting directions from Brian.

[1556] I don't even think he's racist or anything.

[1557] I just think he just gets crazy and goes, I'm going to say the most outrageous shit on the planet.

[1558] Oh, I don't know about that, man. Was he drunk when he was calling his chick, leaving those crazy messages?

[1559] Yeah, drunk.

[1560] Stop and think about that.

[1561] What if that was your daughter?

[1562] Well, not only that.

[1563] When I get drunk, I don't, I'm not mean.

[1564] You know, I mean, it's like, it's not when I get drunk.

[1565] It's like, I got drunk off something like, the chews, you know?

[1566] Fuck blacks.

[1567] Some of the shit that he said, though, was so poignant.

[1568] Like, shut up and blow me, you know?

[1569] I'm taking, yeah, are you in that big house?

[1570] You should just shut up and blow me. It was so hilarious.

[1571] He was defining what a crazy, fucked up fake relationship he's in.

[1572] You know you're in a fake relationship.

[1573] Just do your job and suck my dick.

[1574] No, you have a. to keep making it harder and harder for me because he married a monster well he got he got she recorded of course yeah she not just recorded him she set him up she's a fucking heartless russian cunt yeah she set up that's his fault allegedly allegedly that's his fault though she could be a wonderful woman let's don't marry a girl like that you idiot i know another guy i'm not gonna say but any girl who take your you know she's got a child with a guy and she's taking those videos and selling them online wow yeah she's selling them to a website wow that's an evil bitch you That's an evil bitch.

[1575] And that's the mother of your child.

[1576] And it's a woman who he had spent a bunch of money to try to get recordings for her.

[1577] She tried to build her some sort of a recording career.

[1578] Oh, no. But by the way, she probably felt fucking terrified because he's a dangerous, crazy asshole.

[1579] I was going to say, you're right.

[1580] By the way, I just realized that.

[1581] Thank you for saying that.

[1582] But by the way, he's crazy.

[1583] And he's fucking saying that.

[1584] What do you expect her to do?

[1585] She had to live with that guy.

[1586] That wasn't the first time.

[1587] She had to live with him.

[1588] She's having a kid with that guy.

[1589] She's going to be around her baby.

[1590] Exactly.

[1591] He's fucking screaming and yelling.

[1592] I'm on her side.

[1593] On her side.

[1594] Well, in a certain sense.

[1595] I was all ready to go bad on her.

[1596] And you reminded me of that.

[1597] I'm always.

[1598] Old dudes like that when you fuck some chick from a country where they're not doing so well financially.

[1599] And you know what you're doing.

[1600] You know, you know what you're doing.

[1601] She's hot.

[1602] You're not.

[1603] It's done for you.

[1604] But yet you're still in the game with Viagra.

[1605] What's going on for real?

[1606] Well, you're, you know, you're going to have to accept that there's some in balance and that sort of relationship.

[1607] And she's not going to really be in the fucking you that much.

[1608] And once she gets a kid from you and she's, starting getting money from you and she's tired of listening to come home and scream about the jews after a while she's going to start recording phone calls you know i mean that's just there's a yin and a yang to the world yeah you know why because when you drink that much it never has a good ending you got to get a hold of yourself it's unfortunate because he's a fucking brilliant director he's a he's a brave heart was a fucking badass i thought apocalyptic was an amazing it was very good i enjoyed it i was really good i think he's he knows how to make a story he knows how to structure a movie he's a you know he's really good even that movie stopped the gringo whatever the fuck it was what is it what is it called something the gringo his last movie the one with the teddy bear no no no no that was that was the beaver the beaver oh my god that doesn't even seem like real life i thought it was a skit i just auditioned the guy i did too when i saw the the my first initial reaction seeing the preview was this is a sketch funny or die skit yeah something yeah satir and live something but then to find out of the it's an actual movie with Jody Foster's like what did it actually got good reviews how did Jody Foster get sucked into this fucking movie like she looks great by the 50 years old is she read the Oscars or whatever Pussy to do for you son wow two fingers in she looks phenomenal her skin and her tight like she's gorgeous God damn she's getting some damn I know pow is that the noise that she makes when she has sex is that a cartoon now is Jody having sex chicks are just coming on over and eat her now come on over come on get some that's awesome come on get some I'll be a fly on the wall yeah she um I don't know she have a baby or anything or a boy a girlfriend married or any of those things is she out of the closet now yeah I think so she speaks fluent isn't it funny that that's like a big issue like whether or not a chick is a lesbian yeah you can tell just by the way she talks or smell but the thing is a woman like here's the issue here's the legit issue for real a woman like Jody Foster can come out of the closet and still play someone's wife.

[1609] No problem.

[1610] No one has a problem with it.

[1611] If Tom Cruise, and I'm not saying Tom Cruise is gay, but if Tom Cruise was gay and he came out of the closet and then wanted to do a movie where he was making out with a chick, it's over.

[1612] It's over.

[1613] That's reality.

[1614] I mean, I believe.

[1615] I mean, look, I shouldn't say it's reality because I'm basing it on my own personal feelings of how it would go down.

[1616] It might go down differently.

[1617] No, I think that, you know, the people who do polling for politicians and stuff like you know that i mean you'd be amazed at how irrational voters are how how how how finding out one little thing about somebody's past can really sway an election so people are very you know for the most part people are pretty conservative in their ideologies yeah it doesn't seem to be an issue when you're women that are coming out it's like we don't really have that much of a problem with that because there's not there's no like there's penetration i really think it's ah you're bumping muffs and you're making out yeah there's a neediness to cock.

[1618] Tell me what I need.

[1619] There's a neediness.

[1620] And also, there's also the stigma of disease and all that stuff that comes with it too, right?

[1621] With the gay sex?

[1622] Yeah, you know, there's a lot of stuff.

[1623] What are you trying to say?

[1624] What if they're just into jerking off each other?

[1625] Well, that's completely different.

[1626] And they're really clean.

[1627] Because that's color.

[1628] Are they staring each other in the eye?

[1629] They're looking away.

[1630] Oh, looking away.

[1631] And that's fucking cowlid stuff.

[1632] That's buddies.

[1633] What are you worried about over here with that?

[1634] Let me see a dick for a second.

[1635] As a goof, I'm going to jerk it off.

[1636] Listen, I've been shaving around my dick because they say it makes my dick.

[1637] look bigger, but I'm not convinced.

[1638] Can you give me an opinion?

[1639] I mean, I want you to be objective here.

[1640] Let me give it a look.

[1641] I don't think it looks any bigger.

[1642] Dude, that looks a lot bigger.

[1643] I'm telling you, it doesn't look good.

[1644] Can I be honest with you?

[1645] It doesn't even look like you can choke you with this.

[1646] You look like you should have hooves right now.

[1647] You would just suck it and it wouldn't even feel bad.

[1648] It would just go all the way in your mouth.

[1649] I mean, I'm betting.

[1650] If we tried it right now, I'll bet it would just go in your mouth.

[1651] You mean you don't think you could feel it?

[1652] We need to.

[1653] I'll try.

[1654] We need to do another Mikey and Tony in the basement.

[1655] All right, let's do it.

[1656] What was the character's names?

[1657] Do we remember?

[1658] Mikey, one of them was Mikey.

[1659] And then there was the mom, who was Kelly Kirsten.

[1660] Yeah, she was great.

[1661] Kat, Kirsten.

[1662] I was talking to my barista today at Starbucks or whatever, brista.

[1663] And he was telling me how much he loves Grindr that he's like, I've already met three guys this week.

[1664] And I was, like, how lucky, like, they have Blender for women, but that's bullshit.

[1665] But, like, how lucky are gay guys?

[1666] They could just be like, oh, my God, there's a gay guy, like, a minute away from me. But you can't be president.

[1667] Yeah.

[1668] Yeah.

[1669] I think a lot of people wouldn't vote for.

[1670] you for president.

[1671] Yeah.

[1672] I wouldn't give a shit.

[1673] But who wants to be president?

[1674] Yeah, I'd vote for...

[1675] Yeah.

[1676] I'd vote for...

[1677] Yeah.

[1678] Would you, if you had a choice between being a happy gay guy or the president?

[1679] Happy gay guy, probably.

[1680] The president...

[1681] You would rather be gay than be the president?

[1682] The president, just because there's a lot of experience there, there's a lot of interesting.

[1683] You would rather be the president?

[1684] Because...

[1685] Do you think you'd be able to handle the pressure without going totally white hair in six months?

[1686] I don't know.

[1687] What is that, man?

[1688] Isn't that freaky?

[1689] Well, I think because, first of all, every decision you make, you're going to make 50 % of the people happy, 50 % not happy.

[1690] I know.

[1691] but you're also not sleeping.

[1692] It's consistently freaky.

[1693] Yeah, I mean, you're not sleeping.

[1694] You're the most powerful man in some ways in the world.

[1695] You're thinking about your legacy.

[1696] I don't know.

[1697] I would do it until I got fired.

[1698] You know, like I would just be like JFK, but like, you know, with Twitter and just like fucking random girls and being the president.

[1699] Like make it really pimpy.

[1700] Like totally change it like any other.

[1701] Don't be respectful.

[1702] Just shut up.

[1703] Turn your mic off.

[1704] No, you wouldn't you?

[1705] If you were president?

[1706] They would kill you.

[1707] They would fire me. You can't get away with anything because everybody's watching every movie you make.

[1708] I think the hardest thing about being president is that everybody is watching everything you do all the time.

[1709] If you live in the 60s, what you're saying could be accomplished in the JFK days.

[1710] You could have a bunch of people keep their mouth shut, and maybe there would be some fucking guys who would take some pictures through a two -way mirror allegedly in Cuba.

[1711] But for the most part, he got away with a lot of craziness.

[1712] Yes.

[1713] But today, no, you wouldn't be able to do that.

[1714] Unless you had the internet and everyone on your side, like, this dude's fun.

[1715] This is a fun, like, making almost like an 80s movie.

[1716] You know, like an 80s movie, like, you just became the president.

[1717] A party president.

[1718] I don't want a private president.

[1719] I want a sober, I want a sober thinker.

[1720] A party president.

[1721] I can hear the voiceover.

[1722] It's like piggies, right?

[1723] You just became a party.

[1724] Was that movie, Piggy's?

[1725] Is that what it was called?

[1726] Porkies.

[1727] Porkies.

[1728] I was thinking, I was like, what's you said?

[1729] Like, porkies for the White House.

[1730] This summer.

[1731] Hey, Kim Ketrell.

[1732] Kim Ketrell.

[1733] Oh, she was so hot.

[1734] That, I remember being 14, and I was, I've never had.

[1735] I was literally like, I think my dick is going to break it so fucking hard.

[1736] Like, I was watching her.

[1737] I was so fucking painfully turned on by her.

[1738] She was so ridiculously, perfectly attractive, like her face, her body, legs.

[1739] I worked with her, too, on sex in the city, yeah.

[1740] She's still looking hot.

[1741] She was looking at hot as shit.

[1742] She was hot as shit.

[1743] She was 45 at the time.

[1744] We thinking about hitting it?

[1745] Would you hit it?

[1746] Yeah.

[1747] Of course.

[1748] Would you have a weird story?

[1749] I went out to lunch with her and Mario Cantone and, you know, I was flirting.

[1750] Powerful Mario Cantone.

[1751] Is she also the girl from weird science, that same girl?

[1752] No. science?

[1753] That chick was really hot too.

[1754] No, that was that's Kelly LeBrock who I also worked with.

[1755] You worked with her?

[1756] I worked with her too.

[1757] I did a movie with Kelly LeBrock.

[1758] I spent a week with her.

[1759] She was married to Stevens -A -Gar.

[1760] Yes, she was.

[1761] She's pervy.

[1762] I mean, if you watch that movie, that's a just a masturbation movie in the 80s.

[1763] She's so hot.

[1764] Yeah, but when you met her, she was 45 years old?

[1765] Yes.

[1766] How was the body?

[1767] Unbelievable.

[1768] Really?

[1769] You would have taken name?

[1770] Unbelievable.

[1771] Do you get any vibe?

[1772] Not really.

[1773] No?

[1774] Did you put anything out there?

[1775] Yeah, of course.

[1776] And nothing.

[1777] Shut you down.

[1778] I put anything out there, like, as in you're the hottest thing in the world, and I've always been attracted to you.

[1779] And, yeah, I was trying to do everything I could.

[1780] Do you think that you'd have better success now, seeing as time's gone past, maybe she's a little more humble, maybe she regrets, turning you down?

[1781] Well, when you get, yeah, when you get to a certain age, you know, sit back and go, you know what, that Brian Call on, man, that was pretty good deal.

[1782] Yeah.

[1783] She's going to give me some young, crazy dick.

[1784] There you go.

[1785] He was ready to fuck.

[1786] She did say, she did say, because I kept coming and giving my car to Sarah Jessica Parker, I would present my car.

[1787] Yeah, no, but in the scene, I'd have to give my car to.

[1788] And she looked at me and she goes, will you a dancer?

[1789] And I went, yes, I was.

[1790] Yes, I was.

[1791] I was also a martial artist.

[1792] Oh, you didn't say that.

[1793] And I said it in that voice.

[1794] That's where you lost her.

[1795] She just stuck with dancer.

[1796] And then when she finds out about martial artists later, now she's intrigued because you didn't have to be, I'm not that patient.

[1797] I wasn't that patient, dude.

[1798] But yeah, fuck yourself when you do that.

[1799] It's like name dropping.

[1800] Yeah, I was hanging out with Mick Jagger last night.

[1801] I panicked.

[1802] I can't say that within the first couple movies.

[1803] I panicked.

[1804] It was Kim Ketrell from Porky's.

[1805] It's like the gambler.

[1806] It's like that Kenny Rogers's song.

[1807] no way to hold them.

[1808] That's it.

[1809] No way for me. I have to run with Janine Garofalo.

[1810] I have not.

[1811] I have not.

[1812] How dare you?

[1813] I like, just ruin my appetite, you fuck.

[1814] You shut your mouth.

[1815] Janine's good people, though.

[1816] Shut your mouth, too.

[1817] Both of you.

[1818] Stop playing along and move on.

[1819] You went back to Brian Callan of circa 1994, trying to please the industry.

[1820] What fuck are you talking about?

[1821] How dare you lie to the people?

[1822] How dare you?

[1823] Why Soron walks the streets.

[1824] Sorum.

[1825] Did you see The Hobbit?

[1826] I didn't.

[1827] It wasn't good.

[1828] It didn't look good.

[1829] The preview didn't even look good.

[1830] What movie have you seen that you loved?

[1831] Did you see Django?

[1832] Yes.

[1833] I loved it.

[1834] It's very good.

[1835] I love Tarantino.

[1836] I like Mama.

[1837] The horror movie, Gremel del Toro.

[1838] Oh, yeah.

[1839] You know, it's a fun movie.

[1840] Stupid.

[1841] It's fucking ghost movie.

[1842] What do you want?

[1843] You see Seven Psychopass?

[1844] One of my favorite movies I've seen in a while.

[1845] Really?

[1846] If you get past the first 20 minutes, it's brilliant.

[1847] The writing.

[1848] is great.

[1849] You know what it is?

[1850] It's fight club for writers.

[1851] Who did it?

[1852] Huh.

[1853] That's what?

[1854] Who did it?

[1855] The same guy that did shit, I can't remember the other movie he did.

[1856] It didn't make much of a splash.

[1857] I liked the James Bond movie.

[1858] It wasn't that bad.

[1859] It wasn't great.

[1860] I think it would have been better if they cut out like a half an hour of it.

[1861] It seems like there was just a little overly complicated.

[1862] There's a little too much going on and a little too epic.

[1863] But Daniel Craig's a bad motherfucker.

[1864] You believe him as a real spy, like a real British intelligence agency where agency guy, where it's like, there was some of those bonds where I was like, yeah, the fuck out of here.

[1865] Yeah.

[1866] You know?

[1867] Like, did you believe Timothy Dalton?

[1868] No. Get the fuck out of here, right?

[1869] Dude, you ain't beating anybody else.

[1870] I had a, I had a, um, my podcast, the Brian Callan show.

[1871] Even Roger Moore.

[1872] Roger Moore was like silly.

[1873] Yeah, but he was just a suave that I didn't mind.

[1874] It was great for the time.

[1875] It was great for the time.

[1876] But now as we know more.

[1877] Yeah.

[1878] Now as we know more, it's like different.

[1879] Daniel Craig is between Sean Connery and Daniel Craig.

[1880] Those are the only two guys I would believe were actually agents.

[1881] Listen, the guy just did this podcast was a Delta Force guy, and I think he probably did other stuff afterwards, but he won't say it.

[1882] But we had a really good podcast, and he told me that he would take me to Kurdistan this summer where he's really connected if I wanted to go.

[1883] And I was looking at him, and I was like, you were a Delta Force guy and probably like a big CIA guy.

[1884] And I'm looking at him, and I said to his wife, I go, I'm looking at his body.

[1885] Like he's got no neck, really thick, kind of strong guy.

[1886] and I was trying to get like what it takes to be a Delta Force guy.

[1887] He goes, well, let's put it this way.

[1888] A lot of the graduation pictures, there'll be one guy in the graduation photo or sometimes no guys.

[1889] They just take a picture of the graduating class and there's nobody in the fuck.

[1890] There's nobody made it.

[1891] There's nobody made it.

[1892] Right.

[1893] But, um, and he straps in the helicopter right before he takes off.

[1894] He goes, so you like going on that Joe Rogan podcast, huh?

[1895] And he's like, fuck.

[1896] He goes, he said to me, I said to his wife, I go, what, what's he like?

[1897] You know, she goes, well, he doesn't get cold and he doesn't need sleep.

[1898] I'll tell you that much.

[1899] I was like, well, there it is.

[1900] That's two things I get cold as shit.

[1901] I mean, I know.

[1902] Like a lot of Marines, they enjoy being miserable.

[1903] Daniel Craig reminds me of a hard dude like that.

[1904] Like you believe that he would be one of those like elite commandos slash, you know.

[1905] paramilitar.

[1906] You know what I mean?

[1907] Like he's got hard skin and he looks just fucking hard.

[1908] Like this guy did.

[1909] You believe it when he's kicking ass.

[1910] You totally believe it.

[1911] You believe it when he's a killer.

[1912] You believe it when his hands are shaken.

[1913] He's like, I mean, obviously it's a completely different sort of character than the.

[1914] Roger Moore character but if you want to talk about like a believable character like Roger Moore was almost like comedy like remember they broke into the set once where they they were filming the fake moon footage and Roger Moore's driving his car across while they're they're you know remember that yeah I mean there's a lot of like comedy and silliness to the Roger Moore movies that you don't get in the Daniel Craig one Daniel Craig just seems like a real killer did I ever tell you about my buddy who's who's a real badass like special forces guy how many guys you know like that and how many of me you have sex with because I mean I mean at one time or You know 100 different guys.

[1915] There's a guy I know he's in the Rangers.

[1916] I'm in a group.

[1917] I'm in a group.

[1918] There's this club I go to?

[1919] You get together.

[1920] Should you take those pictures of the prince in Vegas?

[1921] No, this is, this is, this is, this is this is.

[1922] This is what you do.

[1923] Shave me down, they oil me up, and I run through the room.

[1924] I try to get to the other side.

[1925] The only, they try to stop me, and then we turn the lights off.

[1926] And if something goes in my mouth, I try to stop it.

[1927] The lights were off and.

[1928] My mask was his, it's better to just lay there and service every man. Actually, he told me the funniest story about him.

[1929] He was with all the, the big, like, the, like, the, the, what they call Combat Action Group Cags, you know, these rough, like Delta guys.

[1930] And he said, and a lot of these guys, they're all like, they were all up in arms about gays in the military.

[1931] Meanwhile, he's watching these guys.

[1932] They're all wearing the Vibram Five Finger of Souls.

[1933] And they're like really muscular shaved their body with tattoos.

[1934] And one guy's doing pull -ups while the other guy's securing his hips.

[1935] And he's like, this is the most.

[1936] And they all have like Trojan call signs, you know.

[1937] And it's like, this is the gayest.

[1938] They got all their Velcro gear, their bandanas and stuff.

[1939] He's like, you guys couldn't be more homer erotic.

[1940] not a girl near you for a hundred miles you all live in barracks you're never wearing shirts you're always working each other out you're always rolling practicing jiu -jitsu he's like this is the gayest this is like this is every gay man's dream is like the homo erotic energy in these in these badass groups is so thick he was saying but this is where you know you're dealing with a badass Brian what is this what are you watching well let me see that what that was the thing you were talking about wait I got to see that what James Bond oh I thought it was a real thing that was James Bond that was It's all the takes of jumping over the crocodiles.

[1941] Oh, so they really did that?

[1942] Yeah, and these are all the different takes they did.

[1943] Wow.

[1944] So what did they do?

[1945] They strapped the crocodiles in place?

[1946] They must have.

[1947] No. You guys running on them?

[1948] No, because he gets caught at one point.

[1949] There's this one right after this one, I think.

[1950] He gets caught.

[1951] Well, they all swarm around him.

[1952] Come on.

[1953] Look, look, right here.

[1954] Oh, my God.

[1955] Oh, my God.

[1956] Oh, no, these things are strapped in place, man. See, their bodies don't move in any direction.

[1957] They can't go left or right.

[1958] right they just sort of strapped in place oh he fucked up though he stepped on the head foot is in it yeah oh shit oh my god his fucking foot his foot is caught is like his leg his pant leg is caught on the tooth that's fucking crazy they really did that oh dude stuntmen have a really really fucking hard life that's nuts and that's it right there they show it that's that was amazing wow that's fucked those were great movies those were a lot of fun oh fuck yeah back then before the internet try watching them now you'll you'll explode i asked my buddy i said what do you carry what kind of weapon i mean he goes he tells me and he goes you know i carry this and i carry like a handgun and i said to him i go why do you why a handgun you know and he goes because i'm not getting fucking taken alive when i'm in like wizaristan i'm not they're not taking me alive that's why i go what are you talking when he goes because i'm going to shoot myself bro if i run out of bullets i'm not i'm not fucking letting anybody take you don't want to be You're not getting taken alive by those guys.

[1959] They're going to fucking do bad shit to you.

[1960] So you kill yourself.

[1961] I was like, oh, you have a very different job than I do.

[1962] You live a very different fucking life.

[1963] Did you carry a fucking suicide pistol with you when you're on mission?

[1964] If you have that job, that's your reality.

[1965] That's your reality.

[1966] Your reality is that you know life can stop.

[1967] You've taken it.

[1968] You've actually made lifestyle.

[1969] That's what the Delta guy said to me. He said, you know, I just assumed I was already dead.

[1970] Like you said, you know, I would always kind of, like, you kind of get in that mode where you're like, I'm, I'm already going to die.

[1971] So, I mean, or you have to be, that has to be a very strong possibility and you have to be come to peace with it before you go on mission, you know.

[1972] Right.

[1973] It's an interesting kind of way.

[1974] It's a samurai way.

[1975] It's a warrior, just warrior code, you know, different kind of reality.

[1976] When is that going to stop existing?

[1977] When do you think that is it possible that we develop a society that literally has no more conflicts and murder?

[1978] I mean, is it possible to get to a point in time where human.

[1979] beings exist the same way butterflies do or not of them kill each other in some ways in some ways only only if we're being watched constantly which we are you know or if we don't leave the house because it seems like we're getting more and more we can don't even have to leave our house to get a word is good point what is that is it that have a need for aggression yeah we have it in us man but is it that or is it that we have to come to some new understanding about fellowship a new understanding about how human beings interact with each other it never have that sort of sick, hate, anger, and animosity towards each other.

[1980] Because it's completely unnecessary.

[1981] Somebody said, I mean, Freud and Einstein had a correspondence where Einstein said, I want the world to be peaceful and people not to fight each other.

[1982] And Freud said, yeah, but then they'll fight themselves.

[1983] You know, I mean, that aggression would be turned on themselves.

[1984] I mean, that's a part of the human animal.

[1985] Maybe, but maybe not necessarily.

[1986] I feel like if they were managed properly, first of all, I think there's a really, issue with kids and this is one of the things that makes me crazy about taking wrestling out of the Olympics is wrestling is a good aggressive sport and it wears people out it's good for kids it wears you out it gets it gets a lot of the excess energy out of your system so you can think clearly that's a real issue with young kids because hormonally it's like you're taking them and you're putting them on speed and you're putting them on steroids and you're just sending them loose in the world with no no no guaranteed exertion of this this vehicle no outlet No outlet for that.

[1987] And if you're a healthy young, 17 -year -old kid, your body's just pumping crazy hormones.

[1988] I mean, I'd get mad boners just driving in my car.

[1989] My dick would get so hard it would hurt.

[1990] Just driving my car.

[1991] You know, and if you're not involved in something physical, so there's that.

[1992] And then there's also management of the mind.

[1993] Having people that you really respect, sit down and have a conversation with you about life because it never fucking happens.

[1994] The conversations that you have at school are you need to learn this.

[1995] You need to remember this.

[1996] You need to figure this out.

[1997] They don't sit you down and teach you how to manage your emotions.

[1998] Sit you down and teach you how to manage your interactions with other human beings in that there's more than one way to react to something.

[1999] And that reacting to something in a positive way is not a sign of weakness.

[2000] It's not at all.

[2001] In fact, it's a sign of strength and admiration.

[2002] They can create lifelong friendships.

[2003] I think that's also the teacher, though, because growing up, all the bullies were the wrestlers.

[2004] I mean, I never had a bully on the track team.

[2005] Well, that's what sport, sport, that also might be attracted a certain aggression, a certain kind of kid, but that's what sport does.

[2006] That's exactly what it does.

[2007] It teaches you how to manage your emotions.

[2008] It also teaches you that actually the better you get at a sport like wrestling or whether it's boxing or that those emotions, that anger, is actually becomes a liability as you try to get better at something.

[2009] Yeah, I mean, I was never a bully, but moments where someone was intimidated by me. and I reacted to that intimidation, they make me feel ashamed, you know, and that's, as a martial artist and as a person who is striving to improve yourself, moments in your past, even if it's when you were 14 years old, where you exhibited weak character should make you feel ashamed, you know, and that's something that gets taught to you with traditional martial arts, where there's a philosophy behind your actions and a philosophy behind teaching you a martial art, an art of war and how to defend yourself and how you should perform in a dangerous situation in an actual fight for your life and that's missing from a lot of people there's there's a lot missing with kids today where they're they're not brought into this life they're not brought through steps to teach them how to manage their stresses manage their emotions manage their friendships manage this the chimpanzee rage that's pumping through your fucking veins when you're a young man that no one addresses and they just want you to suppress it and keep quiet and shut your mouth and put you tuck your napkin in and you just fucking you just want to go crazy and smash on the table and run through a fucking wall and get out of the house a lot of it's problem solving a lot of it's like that that's a large part of getting better at something is solving problems in a way And a lot of it is also that we need to admire someone before us who has already done it and who is who is giving us advice from someone who's a coach, a father, an uncle, a father figure, a mentor.

[2010] A older responsible man. A lot of kids need a lot of people.

[2011] It's the society.

[2012] Society needs a fucking mentor.

[2013] And I think there's a lot of people that say that is what's missing in the idea of the president.

[2014] And we haven't really had a mentor in society since Kennedy.

[2015] I mean, a lot of people feel like a lot of the presidents that we've had have been so obvious.

[2016] been puppets.

[2017] Maybe Jimmy Carter wasn't a puppet.

[2018] Well, Lawrence Lessig in this book, Republic Lawson talked about before said that.

[2019] He said, the problem with Obama was I had voted for him because I thought he was a president of ideas.

[2020] He wanted to come in and change the way Washington worked.

[2021] And unfortunately, he surrounded himself with a bunch of people that were such Washington insiders that nothing changed.

[2022] And that's his part of his critique of Obama was the idea that I thought I was getting a guy who said, hey, Washington's run by green and lobbyists, less change it and did not stick to that grand idea.

[2023] Getting that idea out to people and saying, you know what the real problem is, guys?

[2024] None of the stuff you're talking about.

[2025] It's all about this, the fact that money is corrupting everything we do and not tracking the will.

[2026] Now we have a government doesn't track the will of the people.

[2027] You have to have a president, like you said, who comes in, who's a man of ideas, grand ideas.

[2028] Well, what Kennedy had above all these other guys was speeches that would inspire dreams.

[2029] He had, when he was talking about putting a man on the moon, when he was talking about the way our society should be a free society and that we should not encourage or allow secret societies to exist, the way he was talking about the flow of information and ideas.

[2030] This was an inspirational man. This was a man that was saying things while president.

[2031] that were inspiring a nation and we're inspiring dreams.

[2032] And Obama's not doing that.

[2033] Obama's reassuring us.

[2034] And he could be, but he's not.

[2035] I don't know if he has it in him.

[2036] I mean, I don't know who he is.

[2037] I don't, you know, I know that what we thought we were getting when he first became the president turned out to either be an impossibility by nature of the fact that the system is just so fucked.

[2038] He's just doing his best to try to keep it together.

[2039] Or he never really intended to do that in the first place and he's really just a guy who works for the big banks.

[2040] Well, he may be, I think that he's such a moderate human being, a very middle -of -the -road guy, like in his sensibilities and his philosophy, that he's not a radical idea guy.

[2041] He's like, you know, he said he may not be in him.

[2042] He's just a guy who is more interested in keeping things somewhat copacetic.

[2043] Yeah, maybe.

[2044] You know?

[2045] I don't know, but it's, this world desperately needs that now, more than anything.

[2046] They need a person of ideas.

[2047] Yeah, that's right.

[2048] And we need a real mentor.

[2049] We need some fucking 60 -year -old, really smart.

[2050] dude who can get on TV and really stand up and say, listen, we have an issue with culture in general, that we are acting on momentum, that we are one society interacting with hundreds of different societies, all of them fucked, all of them operating on ancient principles that are almost impossibly applicable in today's society with the access to information that we have You can't have the kind of power structures that we have in this country or in any country when you have the access to information that people have today because you don't need it.

[2051] Tim Ferriss was talking about, you know, his new book, The Four Hour Chef, he was talking about how, he reminded Michael Pollan said in his book, he talks about, Michael Paulson, you can vote three times a day by what you eat, what you put on your plate.

[2052] And one of the things I like about Tim is he's so optimistic and, you know, the idea that, hey, you know, a lot of farmers are retiring.

[2053] We're going to have huge tracks of land that are either going to go to big industrial farms or we can actually start changing not only the way we eat, but if we educate ourselves and the way we eat and we buy locally and sustainably, et cetera, et cetera, we will then have a situation where people will be healthier where health care costs won't go spiraling out of control.

[2054] The more you educate yourself, the more you kind of, and his idea is all I got to do is get 20 million people to change the way they eat and reeducate.

[2055] That's all well and good, but you still have the same government.

[2056] It's the real issue is always going to be if we have a bunch of people that are controlling a bunch of other people and it's illogical.

[2057] And that's the situation that it's at right now.

[2058] You can absolutely vote with your dollars.

[2059] Yeah.

[2060] I think it changes though with us.

[2061] I think it changes with consumers.

[2062] I think it changes with the population as they become more educated as to what the root of the problem is.

[2063] And their behavior changes.

[2064] I don't think there will be, see, Washington works on an incentive structure.

[2065] There is an incentive to behave this way.

[2066] Yeah, financial.

[2067] Okay.

[2068] So that should be illegal.

[2069] You've got to figure out a way.

[2070] Well, the better than making it illegal, because they'll find a way to get around that law, because they write the laws.

[2071] Better than that, let's figure out a way to take the profit out of that.

[2072] Let's behave differently as consumers as the people with the real money, tax dollars and consumer dollars.

[2073] Let's start educating ourselves on, for example, how to eat, what's wrong with the school lunch program, what's wrong with the way we feed people, et cetera.

[2074] Those are all great ideas.

[2075] but I think it's not going to change until people that grow up in this age with this access to information, with this understanding of how everything works, if they decide to be the next people and to change the way politics and government run.

[2076] That's the only way it's going to work.

[2077] The people that are already in there that have been there before the internet, they're not changing shit.

[2078] They're going to steal from this or steal from that or find another way to fuck people or charge more for that.

[2079] Yeah, the only thing I would say about what you're saying is that this book, again, to quote it, Lawrence Lessig's book is he takes on this question exactly.

[2080] And he said, the real scary thing is you have a lot of good people in Washington who came with an idea of changing it.

[2081] And he maps out how you get caught up in that web of, of, it's become an economy of influence.

[2082] And he talks about how it's impossible to be a politician without being corrupted.

[2083] And that's the argument he makes at this point.

[2084] And he says the machine itself has become so corrupt that, that, that, Even if you're a good person and a lot of, he says, he goes, he spends all the time.

[2085] A lot of politicians are good people.

[2086] They want to make a difference.

[2087] You get so caught up in the, in the, full -proof system of corruption.

[2088] Economy of influence that it's impossible to even stay elected and not be.

[2089] Well, I think the only way that that's going to change is the people coming up have to change it.

[2090] The new people entering into the system have to slowly deviate from this, the pattern that's been going on for as long as this country has been around.

[2091] It's a slow, consistent movement towards corruption, slowly twisting the truth more and more, distorting the Bill of Rights, constricting the Constitution.

[2092] It has to be that the people coming up recognize that there's just, it's all on the table now.

[2093] And it, much like running a company, you can run a country without being a cunt as well.

[2094] It's got to be possible.

[2095] It's got to be, if it's possible for one person to interact pleasantly with another person, that's impossible for all of us interact pleasantly with each other.

[2096] And that has to be global.

[2097] There's got to be a way to eventually get to the point where there's no conflict, armed conflict between human beings.

[2098] It seems like it's absolutely possible to avoid.

[2099] It seems like a generation or two of information away.

[2100] I would argue we are moving in that direction.

[2101] We are.

[2102] We let it doubt.

[2103] Besides the fact that you hear about horrible things in the news when they have, There's less violence.

[2104] There's much less brutality.

[2105] There's more visibility.

[2106] There's more to eat.

[2107] There's more, there's, there's more representative governments today than there ever have been, not even close.

[2108] Things are moving in the right direction.

[2109] And it's only been a couple of hundred years of real good access to information.

[2110] In order for us to truly understand each other, we've got to read each other's works, we've got to listen to each other's speak.

[2111] We have to figure out what is different between your life and my life and what lessons can I learn from you without having to live with myself.

[2112] Those lessons are so apparent and available now that the 21 -year -old that I talked to today, they're so much fucking smarter than I was when I was 21.

[2113] They've got access to it.

[2114] You know, I always tell people, go to TED .com, for example, go to TED .com, listen to speeches.

[2115] There's so much there.

[2116] There's so much there.

[2117] Well, these kids are doing that.

[2118] I know they are.

[2119] And they are way smarter than the people of our generation.

[2120] Their reality is a different frequency than the people of our generation.

[2121] And if there's anything that's going to change it, that's going to change it.

[2122] It's guys like Newt Gingrich are never going to change shit.

[2123] That guy is solidified in that process of bullshit.

[2124] And he's like all these other politicians that are in that fucking soup of it, whether it's Obama or John Kerry or all these guys.

[2125] You're in that fucking soup.

[2126] It's too crazy.

[2127] You can't fix that.

[2128] You think the internet is going to start, I guess it's going to be deliberated.

[2129] We should demand that people be voting on the internet.

[2130] That's reality.

[2131] If you want reality, let people vote on the Internet.

[2132] If they can figure that out, if they can figure out how to let people vote on the Internet, the whole thing changes.

[2133] As long as they can't hack it, as long as it can't be bullshitted, as long as there's real accounting done on the actual numbers, and we make sure that this is a rock, solid, secure system before we enter into it.

[2134] There's got to be a way of doing that.

[2135] There's a way to buying things online.

[2136] Everybody uses their credit card online.

[2137] Nobody votes online.

[2138] Why is that?

[2139] because they can manipulate it, okay?

[2140] They can manipulate it, they can control it, and they can control trends.

[2141] You can change the whole game if all of a sudden you are allowed to vote online.

[2142] Because then, you know, Lady Gaga could be fucking president.

[2143] Okay?

[2144] And that's real.

[2145] That's not a joke.

[2146] Lady Gaga could be fucking president for real.

[2147] Yeah, it is fucked up.

[2148] But more people would probably vote for Lady Gaga than have voted for Obama.

[2149] Because it's only like half the people in the country vote ever, right?

[2150] So out of those half the people, only one half of them voted for Obama.

[2151] How many people is that?

[2152] More would vote for Lady Gaga.

[2153] It's so important to educate yourself.

[2154] It's like that wonderful Thoreau quote.

[2155] I see men everywhere are striking at the branches of evil while none are hitting the root.

[2156] You've got to know what the root is.

[2157] He had some great quotes.

[2158] You've got to know what the root of the problem is.

[2159] And when you learn where the head of the snake is, then you can be more effective.

[2160] That's why being educated about it.

[2161] about that is very important.

[2162] You need to know where the head of it is.

[2163] Otherwise, you're striking at branches and never at the root.

[2164] Well, the head is money.

[2165] And the head is also the fact that we're basically the same animals that were hunting and gathering thousands and thousands of years ago with all these crazy needs and this desire to be the alpha dominator of the earth.

[2166] And we've always acted in the same way.

[2167] Every nation is acting the same way.

[2168] You get power, you exert that power, you control more resources, just try to move forward.

[2169] But they've always done that.

[2170] that always this is where but this now is when ideas and and winning the argument really counts this is when you this is when a debate about okay so if it's money in politics or if it's it what does that mean does that mean now that it's the size of government and what does that mean and does that mean you have to shrink government what does that mean how do you do that there is a methodology to this but these are where the questions have to be answered and they have to be debated and thought about and well the problem is there's no incentive to shrink government the government does not want to shrink no the people that were for the DEA do not want less drug of course not because then there's going to be less DEA that's right and that that is the problem with big government and that that's a that's a gigantic issue it restricts our liberty you know when you have a government that's that big a part of GDP to do business as a company you have to have a pipeline in Washington because that's how you get tax favors etc and who are these people are there people that really have passion for this, they really want to change the world, or all these people that just got a job.

[2171] And then once they got a job, they're subject to all the human emotions and needs and greed and ego.

[2172] The really scary thing, and Lawrence Lessig talks about and another book called So Damashmore.

[2173] The scary thing about the way Washington works now is it's become its own industry.

[2174] And what I mean by that is when you work on Capitol Hill as a congressman, you spend six, seven years making 80, 90, $100 ,000, $150 ,000 a year.

[2175] You know why you do that, for six, seven, eight years, you're building context.

[2176] You take a short drive over to K Street where all the lobbyists live, and now you start working for a lobbying firm.

[2177] And you have a rolodex of people you know.

[2178] So you move over there, and you get a job of a lobbying company, and they pay you $500 ,000, $600 ,000 a million for your contacts because you used to be a senator or you used to be a congressman.

[2179] So now Citibank or some corporation comes to you and says, Hey, you've got a lot of contacts.

[2180] Your Rolodex, we want to hire you, my friend, because you know everybody in Washington, because you just spent eight years on Capitol Hill.

[2181] So we're going to hire you as our lobbyist, and we need some influence in Washington.

[2182] And now you become a senator or a congressman, not necessarily to change things.

[2183] You can come and become, because it's a very lucrative.

[2184] It is a farm team.

[2185] It's the farm team to the majors, and the majors is over on K Street as a lobbyist.

[2186] That's what's happening.

[2187] And that's why we have 13 ,500 lobbyists working at Washington anytime.

[2188] That's why the nine counties around Washington, D .C. are the richest in the country, but they don't produce anything.

[2189] What's going on, man?

[2190] What's going on is that it has become an economy of influence, and Washington itself is big business.

[2191] That's a problem.

[2192] It's a huge problem, and it's totally completely unnecessary.

[2193] Only on the Joe Rogan.

[2194] It's counterintuitive to progress, because you're only going to go so far with that system.

[2195] That system is set up to help the corporations.

[2196] Corporations are set up to make the maximum amount of money.

[2197] Everybody go, do your goal.

[2198] You're not going to move society forward.

[2199] You're going to run into some bottleneck.

[2200] And that bottleneck is either environmental or it's cultural or it's financial or they realize the economy they set up is really a fucking sham and it all falls apart in everybody's face.

[2201] You've got to wait in line for bread.

[2202] The whole thing has to be stopped.

[2203] And you've got to look at the human beings together have to look at each other as, equal as brothers and sisters as people that could be your best friends you know and no one's doing that everyone's an enemy you're talking about a change in consciousness i'm talking about the the absolute potential that human beings have on this in this generation i'm not talking about some because of the internet i think there's a reason why i got like depok chopro gets so many people to listen to him because all that woo -woo nonsense and whatever there's a there's a grand desire for consciousness evaluation and connection for connection for a better world I think it's just happening around us far quicker than we have grasped and realize and then these trends are in place so you're optimistic about the future yeah man once we got past December 21st I was like well the Mayans are wrong I'm optimistic as well this is the best time feed your mind ever feed your mind there's never been a better time than this it's rife with fuckery there's all sorts of nonsense and chaos but yet it's still fucking a man Amazing.

[2204] These are incredible times.

[2205] And for us, you know, I don't know if Melissa Etheridge is correct.

[2206] I don't know if you really do create your own destiny.

[2207] She may be correct.

[2208] But we've created a fucking amazing destiny if that's true.

[2209] You know?

[2210] I mean, we all have these incredible jobs.

[2211] We're all having so much fun.

[2212] We're all feeding off each other.

[2213] Whether it's you or Diaz or Duncan or Brian or Ari or Bert or any of these people that we're hanging around with and enjoying each other's company together, we have some strange energy.

[2214] going on right now man and I think that that is possible for the whole world I think that it's possible for the whole world if there's enough resources if there's enough food and water if there's it's possible for the whole world to slowly but surely come together and work together it's not necessary to have massive amounts of conflict it's certainly becoming much easier to empathize and have a virtual experience of what it's like to be someone else When you see some girl in Iran who's protesting and she's dying in her father's arms because she got shot by a sniper and you see the look in her eyes, you as a human being go, man, that person is suffering just like I am just because they're a Shiite Muslim or whatever they might be.

[2215] There's terrible circumstances in this life.

[2216] There's terrible situations, there's terrible environments, but there's also humans in all these environments, all of them.

[2217] and we have got to figure out a way to let humans be aware that the richest and most rewarding way to live this life is in fellowship with other humans and it's not impossible to do we're programmed as young people to think that it's impossible that no one's ever done it before and that it's all just chaos and war and that's how the life is and that's just got to be hard a cynical mentality it's not if there's two people that can get along and four people can get along and 50 people can get along The diffusion of responsibility that comes from hundreds of millions of people is not necessary.

[2218] And that is, I think, what's changing.

[2219] Because through the Internet and through communicating with each other, we are connecting in a way that we didn't feel connected before.

[2220] Where the 300 million people all really are, have access to each other.

[2221] We really all do have access to each other.

[2222] And that's the end of the show.

[2223] I don't know if that's right, ladies and gentlemen.

[2224] I might be full of shit, and a meteor might hit us tomorrow, or the aliens might come in and fuck your mother on the dining room table.

[2225] Right in front of your dad with a big giant alien dick.

[2226] And you could say to me, Joe Rogan, you fucking hippie.

[2227] You were wrong, bitch.

[2228] We can't get along.

[2229] War.

[2230] Freedom!

[2231] Come to governor's.

[2232] Come to governors and go see Brian Callum.

[2233] This Friday, this Saturday.

[2234] Levittown, Long Island, correct?

[2235] Yep.

[2236] Ten minute podcast, Brian Callan show.

[2237] Powerful Brian Callan.

[2238] Thank you to Ting.

[2239] No, who's today.

[2240] Thank to hover .com.

[2241] And if you go to hover .com forward slash Rogan, you will get 10 % off of your domain name registrations.

[2242] That's hover .com forward slash Rogan.

[2243] Go there, support them.

[2244] They are very cool.

[2245] They support our podcast and they have a very ethical company.

[2246] Thanks also to Onit .com.

[2247] If you go to OnN -N -I -T, use the code name Rogan, you will save yourself 10 % off any and all supplements for people.

[2248] that want to get their life to work better or some shit whatever fuckers tomorrow the great Dana White will be here with us and then this weekend there's a badass UFC and a show at the Grove Friday night with me and Mad Flavor aka Joey Diaz much love to all of you my friends we send it out to the universe we love the shit out of you thank you thanks for having me on thanks for having me on