Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit teamcoco .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hi, Chrissy.
[5] Say hello to Conan and Sona.
[6] Hi, Conan.
[7] Hi, Sona.
[8] This is unbelievable.
[9] Wow.
[10] Chrissy, you are a, you are a dose of caffeine right to the heart.
[11] You've got a little Conan, you've got a little Conan Pop doll there.
[12] That's fantastic.
[13] Yes, that bad.
[14] and a, like a Conan face.
[15] Okay, well, just be...
[16] Be careful, Chrissy, because all Conan memorabilia is made very cheaply and it's all 100 % asbestos.
[17] Yes, he keeps on fall in there.
[18] Yeah, it could explode in flames at any moment.
[19] Chrissy, where are you right now?
[20] In Baltimore.
[21] You're in Baltimore, Maryland.
[22] Okay, very good.
[23] And tell us a little bit about yourself, Chrissy.
[24] I am a dental hygienist.
[25] And yes, yes.
[26] And I loved when you talked to Jack black, all about when you go to the dental office, do you never wait?
[27] You just go in and say, I'm here.
[28] And you just get in a chair.
[29] That is my, yes, that's my attitude.
[30] I like to walk into places and say, I'm here and I'm ready.
[31] And I do that in emergency rooms.
[32] Other people will be severely injured.
[33] And I just like to walk in and go, I'm here.
[34] I've been on television for three decades.
[35] And I demand immediate treatment for my slightly ingrown hang nail.
[36] Just like when the Invisible Man was on the...
[37] Yes!
[38] Oh, no, don't bring that up.
[39] Don't bring that up.
[40] Chrissy, you are...
[41] You sound like someone who listens to the podcast a lot.
[42] At all, every Mondays and Thursdays are my favorite days.
[43] I started running, I was training for a marathon, and I tried listening to the classics like the Scarlet Letter and...
[44] No, it was nothing.
[45] Wait, you were jogging to the novel, The Scarlet Letter?
[46] Yes.
[47] Yeah, no one...
[48] And I wanted to jump off a bridge.
[49] The third time that they've discovered.
[50] discuss the letter.
[51] Yeah, no one jogs to Hawthorne.
[52] You can't.
[53] I can see why.
[54] Now, listen, you can jog to Emerson or Thoreau, but you can't jog to Hawthorne.
[55] You just can't.
[56] No, you can't.
[57] So I started listening to you guys, so I feel like you run with me. I feel like you're with me all the time, and I absolutely love it.
[58] It's been fantastic.
[59] I tell you.
[60] You know what we should do is if you listen to this while you run, let's all give her a little inspiration while she's running right now.
[61] when this comes out on the next whatever Thursday, she will hear us inspiring her to run.
[62] You got this, Chrissy.
[63] Come on, Chrissy.
[64] Come on, Chrissy.
[65] Let's go.
[66] You got it.
[67] The last one I did, I listened to Bill Hater.
[68] Again, like the second time, you and Bill Hater.
[69] And it was a 10K, and I came 11th in my age group.
[70] And then I did a 6K and didn't listen to anything, became third my age group.
[71] But, yeah.
[72] Wait a minute.
[73] You guys just.
[74] Wait a minute.
[75] Hold on.
[76] Maybe you should go back to Hawthorne.
[77] Chrissy, what you're saying is that when you don't listen to the, when you listen to me and Bill Hader, you come in 11th.
[78] When you listen to nothing, you come in third.
[79] Yes.
[80] So why are you?
[81] Well, because I'm laughing.
[82] I'm laughing.
[83] Oh, I see.
[84] Yeah, that's the problem.
[85] Yeah, you know, we have some people, this is nice, but I've had a lot of people tell me that they get in trouble or they get thrown out of the gym because they're laughing at the podcast, which is a compliment.
[86] Yes.
[87] But I guess when you're wearing earbuds and you're laughing loudly, you look insane.
[88] Right.
[89] Yes.
[90] Yeah, it doesn't take much for me to look that way anyway, but that does put me over the edge just a bit when I come up behind somebody and I'm laughing.
[91] And Matt and Sona are so stinking cute.
[92] Hey, they're good.
[93] They're downstairs.
[94] I don't know.
[95] I think they're sleeping.
[96] Yeah, mine's out on a walk.
[97] Yeah.
[98] Oh, is she?
[99] Oh, that's nice.
[100] Yeah, alone.
[101] Yeah, Matt's daughter is out alone, wandering.
[102] She's walking.
[103] And Sona hasn't seen her children in weeks.
[104] She's not really a hands -on mom, but that's her way.
[105] Well, this is exciting to talk to you because, you know, we love doing the podcast, but it is really nice when we talk to people that are really listening to every episode and apparently listening really closely for the hidden satanic messages that we put in there.
[106] You know, and I'm glad you're a dental hygienist.
[107] I was at my dental hygienist and I was complaining about tooth pain and they found an abscess.
[108] They found an abscess on my back molar and I just had root cancer.
[109] canal.
[110] And so - Oh, so it wasn't your sinuses.
[111] Wow, you're good.
[112] Wow.
[113] I am so good.
[114] I'm all over this.
[115] At first, they didn't see any sign of any decay.
[116] So they thought it might be the sinus.
[117] And so I followed that course of treatment.
[118] And then it just came back with a vengeance.
[119] And I said, nah, it's the tooth.
[120] And sure enough, they found out.
[121] So I got a root canal two days ago.
[122] And I'm feeling good now.
[123] It's, I feel, I recommend everyone go out and get root canals if you need them or not because they're fantastic.
[124] It's really good.
[125] And you get some great food.
[126] Thank you.
[127] People love that.
[128] Well, I tell people all the time when they have their mouths open to listen to you guys because it's so funny.
[129] That's the first thing I talk about, the podcast.
[130] Do you get a lot of resistance from people?
[131] Are they like, I fucking hate that guy?
[132] No, I have sharp instruments.
[133] There's no resistance.
[134] There's no resistance.
[135] I love that.
[136] I love that.
[137] You're converting people to our podcast by pretty much torturing them the way Lawrence Olivier did in Marathon Man to Dustin Hoffman.
[138] Is it safe?
[139] Is it safe?
[140] Is it safe?
[141] Is it safe?
[142] To attend the university.
[143] Wow.
[144] Very good boy.
[145] You have an encyclopedic memory for media.
[146] Yeah.
[147] You seem to know your movies, Chrissy.
[148] Do you a movie, do you a movie, Beth?
[149] Oh, Turner Classic Movies.
[150] I belong to the Wine Club.
[151] Wait.
[152] Tell us about this.
[153] Harold Lloyd.
[154] Harold Lloyd.
[155] Turner Classic movies.
[156] There's a wine club.
[157] associated with Turner Classic movies?
[158] Yes.
[159] Wait, so what are the wines?
[160] Are they themed a certain way?
[161] They'll come and you can kind of choose what kind of wine you like.
[162] And then I get like a case every week now every couple weeks.
[163] Now we're talking.
[164] And they'll have something on there.
[165] And just like the voices, when you say hello, you know, by the dancing around the ball mulberry bush or something, you use all the old movies.
[166] I love all the old movies too.
[167] Wait, I didn't know what you just said.
[168] Oh, that was Harold Lloyd.
[169] When you did the whole thing about State Farm and you start singing, oh, by the sycamore tree.
[170] Oh, okay.
[171] God, I don't know what you're talking about.
[172] And then I realized it was nonsense I've said.
[173] But wait, so this is basically you love old movies and then you found a way to combine alcohol with old movies.
[174] Right.
[175] So how do they choose?
[176] How do they choose that?
[177] Because Turner Classic movies getting fast and loose these days.
[178] I saw like Cannibal Run 2 is on there now.
[179] Is there a wine for that?
[180] Not yet.
[181] It's a boxed.
[182] I'm hoping they're making it.
[183] It's a very mediocre boxed wine.
[184] By Jamie Farr.
[185] Yeah.
[186] It's a Jamie Farr bourgeoisie.
[187] I have a question.
[188] Do you think they'll ever do, this is just a side thing, but I wonder if there'll be a wine club for like Saturday morning cartoons for kids.
[189] You know what I mean?
[190] So you can there.
[191] I hope so.
[192] Yeah.
[193] Those don't seem to cross over, but.
[194] Right.
[195] I'm going to have a couple grandbabies.
[196] So Saturday.
[197] 30 mornings might be a good time to pop open a bottle and, you know, chill out with them.
[198] Get them started early, I always say.
[199] You know, bugs, bugs, Bonnie and somebody.
[200] The wine is for the kids or for the parents watching the kids?
[201] Depends on how they're acting.
[202] Oh, okay.
[203] Just a little tip for you new parents, you know, sometimes a little rum on the gums settles them down, you know what I'm saying?
[204] It works for daddy.
[205] It works for daddy.
[206] I'm not for daddy and I don't care what the kids are doing.
[207] So you're a runner, good for you.
[208] You know, can I ask you a quick question?
[209] I am a rather tall gentleman, and I've had people tell me a lot of people, because I started running recently, and people are very vocal that I shouldn't be running.
[210] I get that a lot.
[211] They're like, you can't be running.
[212] You're six, four.
[213] You're too tall.
[214] You're too big.
[215] You can't be running.
[216] It's bad for you.
[217] Well, look at a giraffe.
[218] They have long legs, and they're quick, and they can run.
[219] Yeah.
[220] Look at a giraffe.
[221] Or that thing.
[222] What was that thing you used to talk about?
[223] outside of the used car lots.
[224] Oh, those inflatable socks.
[225] Yeah, you see those jogging all the time.
[226] Chrissy, you just made me feel like awful.
[227] You said, look at a giraffe.
[228] Look at a giraffe.
[229] That freak of nature runs.
[230] Yeah, look at Slender Man. They're perfect.
[231] Yeah, if Slenderman can run.
[232] I'm short, so I'm short.
[233] So it's easy.
[234] My legs are like this long and this wide.
[235] So you just, you know.
[236] So we should run together.
[237] We'd be a funny duo, you know.
[238] yeah that'd be great so what um uh you're a runner and it looks like so because you've got great energy do you get that do you hear that a lot chrissey you're very yes you have uh you're like a nuclear powered person that's the sense i get from you you know that you have a lot and i i love that i commend you on that well thank you yes i've been diagnosed with hypomania i have the maniac part but not the depression so that's what i whoa oh oh This took a dark, I'm sorry, this took a dark turn here, Chrissy.
[239] Oh, thanks a lot, Conan.
[240] I've been diagnosed as hyper mania.
[241] I'm a complete maniac.
[242] But not depressed.
[243] That's good.
[244] You know, a little depressed.
[245] The mania is coming through, though.
[246] We're getting on.
[247] Don't worry.
[248] Okay, take it easy, Chrissy.
[249] Easy on the wine, Chrissy.
[250] You know, alcohol is a depressant, so maybe that helps balance you out.
[251] A little bit, yeah.
[252] that's why you have a case of week while you're watching old silent movies.
[253] You got to, you know, they kind of pair them up with the silent movies.
[254] So they'll tell you, oh, okay.
[255] So if you're going to be watching the silent movie this week, do the Harold Lloyd, the Petit Sirrah.
[256] Yeah, that makes sense.
[257] Man, Turner Classic Movies is really going for it.
[258] I think it's clearly just a front now.
[259] I know.
[260] I don't think they're making any money on the movies.
[261] And so it's clear that they have figured out a way.
[262] to hey you know what sells well alcohol let's move some alcohol hey it's jimmy cagney month make sure make sure you get your pinot noir yeah get your arsenic and old lace weed james cagney yeah james cagney i have a huge poster of him in my basement like as soon as you go down it's like jimmy cagney down there right angels with dirty faces oh that's one of you know what that's one of my favorite movies as a kid angels with dirty faces i bet yeah yeah i love that film Ending.
[263] Yeah.
[264] Well, it's not spoit.
[265] No spoilers.
[266] Okay, I won't.
[267] But, um, wow, you're quite the character.
[268] Christy, I'm going to give it to you.
[269] You are a nuclear energized runner who has an encyclopedic knowledge of our podcast.
[270] You're a dental, you're a dental hygienist who bullies people into listening to us.
[271] You drink way too much while you watch Turner Classic movies.
[272] You have mania, so you go downstairs after you've had a lot to drink and you shout at a Jimmy Cagney poster.
[273] Yeah.
[274] I love it all.
[275] Well, what can I do for you?
[276] Do you have a question for me, Chrissy?
[277] Well, I think one of the questions that I wanted to ask is, do you like seeing your dental hygienist?
[278] I mean, now that you, I found out that you had to root canal and things went well, I'm glad.
[279] But I was just wondering, do you like, because now all my patients love that I will talk about this podcast.
[280] And one of the things that does help is I use all your funny lines.
[281] So people do get more comfortable when they sit in the chair.
[282] Wow.
[283] I'm glad to know that I have funny.
[284] lines.
[285] I'm well Matt and Sona do too.
[286] Good, good yes, yes.
[287] Matt comes in man, you got some real good ones.
[288] I like when you talked about finding a cousin between the walls or something.
[289] Something was dead in your house.
[290] Oh, yeah.
[291] Oh, God.
[292] I barely remember that.
[293] Matt, Matt, Matt's very funny.
[294] He comes in with some very good, sharp quips.
[295] And Sona very reliably tells me I'm an asshole.
[296] And people love that.
[297] Love it.
[298] Love it.
[299] And an idiot and a fool.
[300] No, No, so I, no, no, we have a nice thing going here and we have a really good time.
[301] But yeah, I do, I'm going to say, I don't know if anybody gets excited about going to a dental hygienist, but I do feel the difference.
[302] And the big thing that I've noticed is the way they scrape tartar off your teeth.
[303] I've always thought, when are they going to come up with a better way than just taking an ice pick and scraping it tartar?
[304] You'd think they would come up with a hypersonic wand that they wave around your mouth three times and all the tartar falls out.
[305] But it feels like tartar removal has not changed at all in 600 years.
[306] It hasn't.
[307] Maybe the instruments have gotten a little smaller, but other than that, we're still banging it off, you know, kind of a da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da.
[308] Things like that.
[309] Oh, my God, you're jackhammering now.
[310] Are you ever done any, have you ever done any improv?
[311] Because you have very good space work, Chrissy.
[312] You're good at miming.
[313] Have you ever gotten up on stage?
[314] I bet you charge the stage all the time and have to be restrained.
[315] During one of your manic episodes.
[316] They're stolen piano bars.
[317] I've been kicked out of there.
[318] Can I go up and stage and sing and they don't like that?
[319] Oh my God.
[320] That's so cool.
[321] Christy, I see why you're a fan because you and I are very similar in some ways.
[322] We may. Center of attention.
[323] Yeah, people know when we walk in a room.
[324] Oh, you bet they do.
[325] You bet they do.
[326] And if they don't, God help them.
[327] God help him.
[328] Jesus Christ.
[329] Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
[330] Christy, I do, let's hear it for dental hygienists.
[331] Let's hear it for people who run.
[332] Yes, let's hear of it.
[333] Seriously, they do a good job.
[334] They get rid of all that tartar.
[335] I suspect when I leave, they've saved my charter and sold it on eBay.
[336] I would, I would be selling it.
[337] I'd be making things out of it, creating maybe a necklace.
[338] You know what I might do?
[339] I'm going to send you my tartar and let's see what you make.
[340] Oh, come on, charter's not so, it's not something engrossed.
[341] It's just the whole thing is disgusting.
[342] You can dye it.
[343] Maybe make it color?
[344] Yeah.
[345] Yeah, make a little...
[346] Come on, Chrissy.
[347] I bet if you, I would love it if you made a Conan doll out of my tartar.
[348] And then we tried to sell it on the internet.
[349] And we said it was to raise money for a good charity, but then basically it was just so you and I could buy wine and watch the movie Yankee Doodle Dandy with Jimmy Cadney.
[350] Oh, my favorite.
[351] Chrissy, I love talking to you.
[352] You are really fun.
[353] You're a burst of goodwill, good energy.
[354] Keep listening to us.
[355] We'll be thinking of you out there on the jogging trail, frightening people as you laugh maniacly and listen to the podcast.
[356] Well, before I go, I do want to thank you.
[357] It was a very hard three years for me, and you guys had started this, and both my parents had passed away with his sister.
[358] And so I would go and run was my therapy, but I started putting you guys on, and I knew that on a Monday and then on a Thursday that things would just be better.
[359] and you guys helped me through a tough time, so I appreciate it greatly.
[360] Christy, that's a real gift that you would tell us that, and I'm sorry you've had a tough, I'm sorry you've had a tough three years, but you are a really good soul, and I think your next three years is, I seriously think your next three years are going to be a lot better.
[361] Oh, definitely.
[362] It's okay.
[363] Yeah, okay.
[364] Yeah, I'm going to come see you guys live.
[365] You have to do another live show.
[366] All right, well, let us know.
[367] You know, we're going to take this.
[368] I think I very much want to take this act on the road, so.
[369] Yeah, how big is that basement?
[370] Yeah, exactly.
[371] So you let us know, because I'd like to say hi to you in person.
[372] So when we go on the road, we'll figure out a way.
[373] I want you to talk to our people after we're done recording this so that we have your info, because I'd love to say hi to you in person after a show.
[374] That would be really fun.
[375] Right.
[376] I feel like you guys are my best friends, and I keep them thinking about the babies and how people are.
[377] Oh, that's so nice.
[378] It might be silly.
[379] It's not silly.
[380] It's not silly.
[381] We are.
[382] You know what's nice?
[383] This is, for better and worse, this is who we are.
[384] So whatever you're picking up on is real.
[385] And, you know, so that's really nice.
[386] And so it's nice to know we have a real friend out there listening.
[387] So thank you, Chrissy.
[388] No, you do.
[389] I love you guys.
[390] All right.
[391] Take care.
[392] You take care.
[393] Thank you for all you do.
[394] Bye -bye.
[395] Oh, she's so nice.
[396] I love her.
[397] She's better than you guys.
[398] That's for sure.
[399] Yeah, that's true.
[400] Well, she is.
[401] Well, she just is.
[402] She can hear this.
[403] I mean, you know what?
[404] You're not wrong.
[405] She's not wrong.
[406] I mean, I'd take a Chrissy over a Sona any day.
[407] She's got positive energy.
[408] She's not.
[409] I'm not.
[410] I do.
[411] I leave.
[412] Am I supposed to?
[413] Oh, my God.
[414] She's still here.
[415] Oh, shit.
[416] Oh, Chrissy, what if we had gotten off when I had said, oh, Chrissy's insane?
[417] We're not airing that one.
[418] She's clearly.
[419] I'll leave the room.
[420] She knows she just doesn't want to leave.
[421] Chrissy.
[422] Oh, my God.
[423] Leave breakout room.
[424] Leave me. I don't know where am I leaving.
[425] I'm leaving and then going.
[426] I don't know what I'm doing.
[427] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[428] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gourley.
[429] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[430] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.
[431] Music by Jimmy Vivino.
[432] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.
[433] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.
[434] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lerwerew.
[435] Lisa Burm, engineered by Will Bechton.
[436] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[437] This has been a Teen Coco production in association with Stitcher.