Dads: 3 Quick, Easy Action Steps in 8 Minutes

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[24] Men, welcome to the Calm Parenting podcast.

[25] This is Kirk Martin, founder, Celebrate Calm.

[26] Today, in less than eight minutes, I'm going to give you three practical strategies that you can use in your home that are doable, easy to do, and they will make a difference.

[27] Women, wives, who are listening in to make sure that this is okay to forward to your husband, back me up on this stuff.

[28] So, number one, lead.

[29] I want you to lead.

[30] Now, here's what I know about men.

[31] In every sphere of life, we as men respect other men who stay calm and cool under pressure.

[32] Right?

[33] with your favorite football team.

[34] When your team is losing, you don't want the quarterback coming into the huddle saying, you know what, we're down by two touchdowns, you don't know route to run, you keep fumbling the ball, let's go score.

[35] Nobody's following that guy.

[36] You want your quarterback coming in.

[37] He takes in the and says, guys, we're down by two touchdowns.

[38] We're going to march down the field, execute our plays, we're going to score, get the ball back, and score again.

[39] Breaks huddle.

[40] His team follows him precisely because he's in control of himself.

[41] We want our point guard, we want our relief pitcher staying cool and calm because that's who we lead.

[42] If you're in the military, you don't want your platoon captain saying, oh my gosh, they're shooting at us, right?

[43] At your office, your boss, if your boss freaks out all the time and if watch, if he always picks out the negative things that you do and never notices the positive, you'll shut down and you won't respect that man. And I know as a man, the number one thing that you want is respect from your kids, and I want you to have that so that they can learn from your life experience.

[44] But if you can't control yourself, how can you expect a little kid to do it?

[45] My dad was career military.

[46] He was known in our home as the colonel.

[47] So it was a ton of fun growing up.

[48] And all I learned from my dad was yell, scream, fear, and intimidation.

[49] It will not work with a strong -willed child, and you'll end up ruining your relationship with that child.

[50] and it will cause your wife to have to walk on eggshells all the time, not sure having to manage your emotions for you.

[51] I know that because I did that to my family.

[52] But when I started to learn how to control myself and lead, I learned kids want to follow a leader.

[53] By the way, dads, they want to please you.

[54] So, de -escaly, here's a quick one, tonight, tomorrow, when your strong world child gets upset because it happens every day.

[55] Instead of coming into the room and causing more drama, you know, you're not.

[56] you need to start instead walk and say hey jacob listen i've got to go to the grocery store once you get in the car i'll meet you out in a car in a minute and a half lead your child get them in the car drive around for eight minutes doesn't matter what you do you don't even have to talk to him about what he's upset about just de -escalate and when you come back home 10 minutes later and your son or daughter is calm down and you're together your wife will love that and you will have restored calm in the home.

[57] It is an awesome moment.

[58] And I'm going to tell any women who are listening, you better affirm your husband when he does these things.

[59] And, well, I was going to say you need to take them up to the bedroom.

[60] But yeah, you're what, dude, guys, your wife will want you more when she sees you connecting with your kids and calming situations down instead of having to spend all of her energy, right?

[61] All of our energy, manage your emotions and trying to calm everything down.

[62] That's exhausting for women.

[63] So as soon as you start to control yourself, it has a lot of really cool benefits.

[64] Number two, listen to your wife.

[65] So right after you get off listening to this podcast, I want you to go and talk to your wife and say this, honey, I need to apologize.

[66] I haven't really been listening to you because when you tell me something, I tend to dismiss your concerns.

[67] I tend to say things like, oh, you're just overreacting.

[68] You know why?

[69] Because the way I was raised, emotions make me uncomfortable.

[70] And so I apologize for that.

[71] But I'd like to listen.

[72] And so could we go for a walk?

[73] I promise you.

[74] Your wife will go for that walk with you.

[75] She has wanted this forever.

[76] Men, you don't have to fix her.

[77] You don't have to fix situations.

[78] simply listen really listen to her and again if you do that she won't you so one other thing i want you do for your wife mother's day is coming up this is simple you get scared every mother's day because you all know right thing to get her go to our website yeah i know it's a little sales pitch but it works right here perfectly and it will change your family go to celebrate calm dot com you will see a special sale there mother's day sales Your wife does not want all these other things.

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[90] So do this for your wife, and we've slashed the prices, like 66 % off, so you can do this.

[91] If you need help, email our strong -willed son, Casey, C -A -S -E -Y, Celebrate Calm .com.

[92] Number three, I want you to affirm your kids.

[93] Affirm your kids, because here's what I did all the time.

[94] I come home from work.

[95] Why are the Legos all over the floor?

[96] Why can't you ever follow through in directions?

[97] You never listen to me. Why do you make everything so difficult?

[98] And my son shut down, and what he told me later was he said, dad I wanted to please you because you're my dad but I felt like no matter what I did it was never good enough and through most of my early childhood all you ever focused on is what I did wrong what I wasn't doing right and I felt like I could never please you and that made me shut down so dads for the next week walk in at the end of the day or if you're stuck with your kids don't to COVID time right when you come out of your home office instead of barking things go and say hey, nice job.

[99] Very short, little fist bump.

[100] Hey, nice job with that.

[101] Hey, look, you guys have been quiet all morning.

[102] Appreciate that.

[103] Good job.

[104] Shows me self -control.

[105] Affirm your kids for who they are, the good qualities that they have.

[106] I promise you.

[107] So it's a review very quickly.

[108] Three things.

[109] We're going to lead now.

[110] We're going to lead in our home because their kids will follow, but you've got to learn how to control yourself first.

[111] And this week, I want you to de -escalate one situation.

[112] All you have to do sometimes is walk into the room.

[113] and sit and not say a word or sit down next to your child while he's upset and start building with Legos or coloring or playing with things because you're being the leader and your kids will follow you and your wife will love that.

[114] I want you to listen to your wife.

[115] Do that little script that I did just like that.

[116] Your wife will love that and start doing it again and again and again.

[117] It will change your marriage.

[118] It will change your family.

[119] And look, I know your wife has things to work on.

[120] And I do almost all the podcasts or listen to women.

[121] They're going to work on their stuff.

[122] But you work on your thing now.

[123] Number three, affirm your kids.

[124] Notice the positive.

[125] I got this done in less than eight minutes.

[126] Pretty awesome.

[127] If you need some help, email us.

[128] Casey, C -A -S -E -Y at Celebrate Calm .com.

[129] You can email me, Kirk, at CelebrateCalm .com.

[130] Go get the special.

[131] Listen to it as you're working through the programs.

[132] If you need help, email us and we will walk you through this because you know what you're going to do you're going to break generational patterns that you may have gotten from your dad and your kids now will not have to grow up and struggle with the same things you did thanks for being dad you're important and we need you let's know if we can help you