#29 - Brian Redban

[0] BAM!

[1] Ladies and gentlemen, day 27.

[2] Is that what it is, Brian?

[3] Yeah.

[4] Week 27?

[5] Or podcast 27, right?

[6] We did two in a week once.

[7] Yeah.

[8] That was a crazy week.

[9] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome once again to the weekly U -Stream podcast.

[10] Really, it's been fucking weekly, man. Actually, it's 29.

[11] We're way late.

[12] Podcast 29.

[13] It's amazing that we kept with it for this long.

[14] Yeah.

[15] And it's also amazing that I never.

[16] did anything like this before it is you know it takes me so long to get into a groove with anything it took me so long to accept like email lists and my space and all that shit like for the longest time i was like i don't want to get involved in promoting myself fuck that you know fuck advertising shows just get on the radio and just do it like normal but then you see all these other dudes that are doing it that way and they're doing so well with it what happened to your shit i think my space is the first one that actually went crazy you know like that made you realized the power of the internet like fleshlight yeah well the my space days that was the comedy store days and we were using the uh when we were using the my space the fucking comedy store was sold out like every weekend and it was just because of my space which didn't you know before then man you could never have like they would have to drive by and just know that you're there because of the billboard or just know that you're there because of word of mouth but you know we could throw it up on my space it wasn't nothing now or a school yard of paper boys going mister mister MySpace is a fucking dinosaur.

[17] You know why?

[18] Because MySpace didn't adapt.

[19] I logged in last night.

[20] Did you?

[21] First time in, I think, like, two months, checked, went through three or four pages of people that were fake people asking me to talk and stuff like that.

[22] One new person going, hey, dude, here's my Facebook page, add me. Yeah, every now and then I'll go and read a little bit of the fan mail, but it's just not worth it.

[23] It's just a graveyard.

[24] It's like, you know, it's like going at Chernobyl after the blast and, like, talking to people that are still there.

[25] You're like, God, man, get out of here.

[26] Why are you here?

[27] What are you using Myspace for?

[28] Pat and Oswald used MySpace still, though.

[29] Ladies and gentlemen, before we get going, our podcast is sponsored by the Flashlight.

[30] I kind of, I show it every week, and I don't know if that's like, I feel like one of Barker's beauties.

[31] I'm supposed to be demonstrating the product.

[32] But it's what it is, is basically a masturbation tool, if you haven't used it before.

[33] We talk about it every week.

[34] It's fucking fantastic.

[35] It's far as beating off, if you beat off, and I know you do.

[36] it's way better than just regular beating off.

[37] It's not that much money.

[38] How much does it cost, Brian?

[39] It's like, I don't know, but you get 15 % off your, if you go on your website.

[40] You don't know how much at all?

[41] I think it's like $69, $59?

[42] Let's find out for these nice people.

[43] I did your tip, though, this week, and it's kind of, of course, a crazy thing happened.

[44] Every time I do anything with a flesh light, something crazy happens.

[45] The warm water thing?

[46] No, I put it outside and they let it heat up.

[47] Let it heat up.

[48] Of course, my landlords often go out in the back to smoke, because they work above me, and they see this rubber pussy out in the sun?

[49] They saw it out in the sun.

[50] Oh, my God, dude.

[51] Because when I went to pick it up, they were sitting out there.

[52] Look at this.

[53] If you go to the flashlight, it says, this website contains explicit adult material.

[54] What?

[55] How crazy is it that you go to a website that has rubber pussies, and they have this crazy fucking warning that you're about to see explicit adult material?

[56] I mean, do they have porn on their site?

[57] Okay, they have a guy and a girl.

[58] Not even nudity.

[59] Those girls have clothes on.

[60] There was a guy in a girl in bed.

[61] but the girl had a bra and panties on and if you're looking at all these fleshlights man it's like okay yeah it's rubber body part is that really like something you need to have a little warning to click through you go to those sites where you see violence you know you don't see shit like that yeah why can you just walk into a hustler store without them stopping and telling you the same thing there's not a lot of hustler stores out there in the world is there and there's stores just like it like porn stores that is one of those weird things when we go on the road and we see these uh these fucking towns like you know like if you go to like uh what's a good example of one that had a bunch of um uh youngstown ohio i was doing shows in youngstown ohio and it's like there's a bunch of those little sad 24 hour neon lit adult shops and that's just that's just people that's just like reluctant body maintenance like poor sad fucks and those places just wandering around looking depressed pushing those beads apart it's like why do they have to use beads beads Beds make fucking noise, right?

[62] When you push those beads apart and they click and you go back into the dirty, dirty area and see all the cock sucking videos and shit.

[63] I used to work at a video store that had an adult room and it was open 24 hours a day.

[64] And it was kind of cool because you'd walk, you know, somebody would be walking up like a hot chick and you're like, please let them go in the adult room, you know.

[65] Of course, they just walk up and goes, you know, where's designing women season two, you know, or something.

[66] The adult room.

[67] The craziest thing happened is an old teacher of mine, first grade teacher went in there, a woman and got porn and I could only hope it was for like a party you saw her yes she I waited on her she probably didn't recognize me because I'm you know I was like 20 and she was like uh you know older lady so this is your first grade teacher yeah first grade teacher wow so first grade is what seven six yeah I don't know something like that and because I rang her up I also saw her last name was like miss blah blah blah and I'm like oh that's totally her anyway she got the uh that's when I found out that Sylvester Stallone did a porn called the Italian Stallion and that's what she had got I don't think that was real porn though I think it's one of those like showtime 3 o 'clock in the morning porn's right so I think that I thought like oh this is for a gag this for a party I accept this but see I could also see her whole history and it was like big black dick five you know it was like she only rented porn 68 70 maybe she was 70 that bitch is a freak that's crazy.

[68] Just keeping it alive, huh?

[69] Yeah.

[70] So you don't think that Italian stowing was a real porn?

[71] I don't know.

[72] I never watched it.

[73] Talking out of my ass, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't.

[74] I'm pretty sure it was like some fake 3 o 'clock in the morning shit.

[75] We had it at the porn side.

[76] I saw a chick that I used to date in one of those fake 3 o 'clock in the morning porn where a dude was fake bone in her.

[77] It's like the dude was just a little too low.

[78] Right.

[79] Like she was like a pie, a little too high.

[80] And, you know, it's like you tell their groin isn't really touching one of those.

[81] you know I know it was really freaky I was by myself and I'll slip through the channels and it's like whoa here's here's a person that you know I hadn't seen her years a long time ago so it was like I dated her over you know 12 years ago 13 14 years ago even so seeing her it was like wow this is kind of strange like I'm watching someone that I used to know and then they're fucking in a movie even though it's not real you know what do you think it's like if you like your high school sweetheart turns into like Sasha Ray or something like that.

[82] I could tell you what it's like.

[83] I know what it's like.

[84] It's weird, man. I don't even like thinking about it.

[85] No, no, no. You don't know what it's like because in your situation, the person that if any person we're talking about is an actual real person.

[86] These are people that you met when you knew that they already did that thing.

[87] Right.

[88] It's a big thing to have a girl, have it be your girlfriend.

[89] This is my girl on dating and my chick.

[90] And then there's some fucking brute just doggy styling her and sweating and shit.

[91] Oh, you fucking bitch, you like that?

[92] And you're like, whoa, that guy's fucking this shit out of my ex -girlfriend.

[93] Yeah.

[94] Especially real porn.

[95] Yeah.

[96] I have never found old porn of like a girl I've dated.

[97] Have you ever done that?

[98] Like you're going through like they're old photos and they go, well I'm not a snoopy motherfucker No, no, I mean like if you're with them.

[99] I mean, have you ever done that?

[100] Like we're like they're going through photos like oh this is my old boyfriend.

[101] Oh, don't, you don't want to see this photo.

[102] No, but I do always get sad when girls try to make me jealous.

[103] I've always been sad Like my whole life I've always thought That was like one of the weakest things ever When someone, you can tell The only reason why they're bringing this up Or they're talking about their ex Is to try to fuck with your head Like it never works All that it makes you feel uncomfortable But the uncomfort that I feel is Oh You're not as cool as I thought you were And now you're creepy And you're trying to fuck with me And okay can I talk you out of this Can I tell you that this is not necessary And we're just you know two people that are enjoying each other's company, getting to know each other, you know, we don't have to play any stupid games that we've already played in the past.

[104] We should all learn, right?

[105] Right.

[106] I played some stupid games when I was a little kid, you know, I had to learn that they were dumb.

[107] So when someone doesn't know that games like that are dumb, like jealousy games, I'm like, fucking really, you know, come on, man. What am I a fucking child?

[108] Cut this shit.

[109] So another guy fucked you?

[110] That's crazy.

[111] Get out of here.

[112] I couldn't, I can't believe it.

[113] You're hot and you're 26, and another guy's fucked you already?

[114] Jesus Christ Was this recent Was this with it That bitch is probably Sucking somebody's dick An hour before she picked you up You know She's fucking crazy It makes me wonder If that shit ever goes away Because it doesn't seem like it is Like does my mom get in a fight With her boyfriend And just do stupid shit like that Yes it goes away For sure it goes away With maturity everything evolves It's the problem is when people get They go from one shit relationship To the next shit relationship And they never get traction As a human being Never get traction And never realize And if you have shit friends on top of that which a lot of girls do man especially pretty girls a lot of pretty girls their friends be hating you know it's tough man because for them it's like if you're out with a pretty girl if you're a girl and you're out with a pretty girl no one is going to pay attention to you everyone's going to pay attention to her and she didn't even do anything to deserve this she was just boring this way and you're so much funnier and so much cooler and you'd be so much better girlfriend and you will get crazy for that bitch and you'll try to trip her up you'll want her to fail you'll hope she falls and breaks her fucking nose you know Like literally, like you're tired.

[115] She's stealing from you.

[116] She's stealing male attention from you.

[117] You know, that's how a lot of chicks feel about hot chicks, man. They don't like it.

[118] So anything like that, man, if that's your situation, if you're around people like that that are dushy to you and you've around ex -boyfriends who are dushy to you, you just, you can get into a bad grind where you just automatically get dushy first because you think they're going to get dushy first and you want to get the upper hand, you know?

[119] You ever getting those relationships where you can tell that someone's fucking with you just to get the upper hand?

[120] and expecting more.

[121] Oh, it's so annoying.

[122] And the worst is when you go with it, just to see where it goes.

[123] The worst for me is if I get involved in it and I haven't been working out.

[124] Especially when I was younger.

[125] Dude, when I was younger, I did not have such a good judgment, and I still don't sometimes, about when to argue and when to just go, what the fuck am I arguing over?

[126] Back then, I just argued automatically.

[127] I'm like, you're not going to stop me from arguing.

[128] Fuck you.

[129] And it would just turn ugly every time, Every time I got an argument with somebody, it would turn ugly.

[130] But as I got older, you know, any kind of relationship like that when shit comes up, now I just, I try very, very hard now to just look at it and go, what is the purpose of all this?

[131] Who gives a shit if you're right?

[132] Who gives a shit if you're wrong?

[133] Here's what I want.

[134] I want to be around people that I enjoy talking to.

[135] And I know there can't really be this many problems that we fight all the time.

[136] If there's this many problems that we fight all the time, where is that coming from?

[137] That's got to be a personality thing Because I don't have that many problems in my life My life's pretty smooth Most of the people in my life are very nice Most of the people in my life We enjoy each other's companies Very few, I mean everybody has like Here and there There'll be issues with any human being Where someone sees something totally differently But you can talk it through And if you're really good friends You work it out and everything's cool And nobody ever gets ugly You know But the real key man It's fine and other people that go along with that Because as soon as you go with someone Who's used to dozy shit and is used to insulting you and is used to playing games.

[138] As soon as you go into that, you dive into that world, man, you're fucked.

[139] No progress.

[140] Yeah.

[141] No fun.

[142] And then it's so hard to get out of it.

[143] So hard.

[144] And then once you get out of it, you're so sad because you got out of it.

[145] You have to get back in it just because you felt so sad from getting out of that.

[146] Well, being alone, man, when you just got out of a relationship and then all of a sudden you're alone and lonely, those are the darkest, emptiest, most hollow moments as an adult human being.

[147] That feeling is a terrible, terrible feeling.

[148] most people just aren't equipped to understand rationally what's really going on like why are you so upset how much of this is just evolutionary how much is this it's been designed into the whole human mechanism to dreadful to feel dreadful every time you're left alone to feel terrible every time you're rejected you're being rejected by someone you don't even know is brutally painful why is that why is why would you even care if it was a dude who didn't like you if you had no desire to fuck that person if you just came up to you a dude and dude was like look at you you're not even good looking you'd be like what fuck you faggot you know you like you wouldn't care at all it wouldn't change your opinion of yourself at all but when a chick does it to you it's like devastating oh totally especially if it's a chick that you're attracted to that's all but it's all evolution it's all set up that way to try to get you to be as attractive as possible and to make very stringent standards that what people find and don't find attraction attractive it's to make you operate at a higher level I think it's all just to design to make you work harder as a human being to become more impressive as a mate.

[149] And in doing so, and in becoming more impressive as a mate, you get to contribute more to society.

[150] You'll create more energy.

[151] You'll create more money.

[152] You'll create more whatever you do.

[153] Whether you're in technology, you'll innovate more.

[154] If you're in art, you're produced more art. You want to prove your worth.

[155] And so that craziness allows people to shine, you know?

[156] I can't find that girl, though.

[157] You know, I can't.

[158] You can't find that partner where it's on the same level as me. It seems like they always act like the same level, but then once you get into it, they were just kind of mimicking what they thought that level was supposed to be.

[159] But it's also that they want you to be something that you're not.

[160] It's, you know, they want you to be and not even a real person.

[161] You know, they have this, like a lot of people have an idea in their head that's really almost kind of based on movies.

[162] You know, what was it like before the 1800s?

[163] Based on movies, totally, by the way.

[164] Yeah, everybody.

[165] But that's how it is, you know.

[166] You see movies and everything works out fucking awesome in the movies.

[167] And you go, well, that's what life is like, right?

[168] Life is like this.

[169] This is my model of life, Sandra Bullock movies.

[170] And you get trapped in your head thinking, well, maybe this isn't, maybe he's not the one.

[171] You know, maybe there is another one.

[172] Like, God damn, what is this crazy?

[173] What about you?

[174] Are you the one?

[175] Right.

[176] You're probably not the one, you know?

[177] It might be you.

[178] You know, the fucking problem might be you over and over again with everybody.

[179] That's kind of like the fight club relationship where the whole time it actually is you.

[180] Yeah, right?

[181] Well, dude, I've been that guy.

[182] I've totally been that guy.

[183] Start arguments and relationships for no reason.

[184] Just because I was frustrated with my own life, especially when I was really young, like it was like 20.

[185] When I was like 20 and 21, I would start stupid arguments with girls I was dating over nothing.

[186] But it wasn't really them that was the problem.

[187] It was really me. It was really me like being frustrated all the time with my life and trying to like being like hyper ambitious and trying to like get ahead in my life but really terrified that I was going to be a loser.

[188] so I would always be like under stress and if anything annoyed me about a chick I would like be like why do you even talk like that like what meanwhile that's such a dushy thing to do to take your frustrations out on someone else but when you're doing it when it's when you're wrapped up in it man especially if that's like everyone of your family that's everyone you're friends with you know that's like the only way you know it takes a long time to learn to not communicate shitty to people if you're stuck in like a shitty communication pattern fuck that's hard to snap out of man It's very hard To recognize how other people are seeing you Like so many people don't think that they come off as assholes They think they're just playing around And everybody's like Oh this guy's such a douche get him away from me It's like what do you fuck?

[189] You can't take a joke It's not a joke if I don't think it's funny You know it's not a joke if no one else is laughing but you That's not a joke That's you being a douchebag and laughing about being a douchebag What the fuck Brian?

[190] How do we fix the world?

[191] Definitely not alcohol because it seems like more That's the anti -fixure.

[192] Vegas really taught me a lot about alcohol.

[193] You know, like, just seeing people on alcohol is just weird sometimes.

[194] It does terrible things for your judgment.

[195] I enjoyed myself so much more Saturday night.

[196] I had water.

[197] I drank water all night.

[198] We went to that party.

[199] Smoked a little weed.

[200] It was fun, you know.

[201] The problem with alcohols, everybody else is drinking, too, and you wind up getting stupid conversations over nothing.

[202] We got to hang out with Doug Benson, and I've never really even talked to him before.

[203] You know, I've seen him a couple times.

[204] But hanging out with Doug Benson, Stone with a couple beers in us, I fucking had dance off with him for what, two hours.

[205] Me and him were dancing.

[206] I mean, that's, I never fucking dance.

[207] He's a good dude.

[208] We really enjoyed hanging out with him.

[209] He's a real good dude.

[210] I've never really, I've done his podcast before.

[211] You know, I've seen him like here and their clubs.

[212] I talk to him every now and then.

[213] But this is the most time I ever spent with him by far.

[214] We went to dinner with him and, you know, talk to him a lot.

[215] He's just cool, man. Really cool guy.

[216] And I, you know, I always questioned how much he really enjoyed pot, and I will never question his pot likeness again.

[217] He fucking was smoking.

[218] That's so funny that.

[219] Stonters are always doing that.

[220] He ain't legit.

[221] Yeah, you know why?

[222] And I've totally felt for something that happens to you every day almost is where you go up to him like, dude, come on, smoke weed.

[223] You want to smoke a joint?

[224] Right, right, right.

[225] But, I mean, it's also like, you know, we're hanging out with other comics and stuff.

[226] So it's a little different, but still.

[227] That happens to me. How often?

[228] Every day.

[229] Every time we're out at a club, it seems.

[230] like every time everywhere and like you don't know who these people are like they can have crazy shit in their weed yeah dude i got your rugged iron acid and i got to drive home and you know double rainbows what he's talking about double rainbow look up double rainbow on youtube dude have you have you heard the remix yet i don't want to see the remix oh no no no it's just i saw it robot too much i even watched the whole video i watched like half of the video and i shut it off i get it i get it he's freaking out over rainbows the remix they did the robot voice what you You know, with the voice, and they edit it real quick, kind of, like, Tim and Eric.

[231] Autotune.

[232] And they edit, like, Tim and Eric style kind of.

[233] How did that auto -tune shit catch on?

[234] What the fuck happened to people, man. I got T -Pain on my iPhone.

[235] Do you?

[236] Yeah.

[237] Do you like that stuff?

[238] It's kind of cool just, like, singing something that you thought of, and then just changing the lyrics, and the next thing you know, you could actually make it into a real song.

[239] Like, even if it's like, you're going, hey, da -da -da.

[240] That song, that Drake song, it's over.

[241] Does he use that shit autotune?

[242] Because I kind of like that song.

[243] Dude, I think everyone uses auto -tune in the pop industry right now.

[244] The pop industry Like Lindsay Lohan Should be using pot Or auto tuned Lindsay's gonna do some time now Huh Yeah 90 days If you don't know Ladies and gentlemen Brian says Where'd you read this off of I watched it live on CBS Live you know They put it on video Live courtroom She's gonna do 90 days in jail That is crazy She has to turn herself in two weeks Unless she suicides But she still has to wear The bracelet So she can't drink every day And they made it like a big deal Like we want to switch To a blood a blood thing instead of the scram and the reason why she wants to do that because if you drink alcohol at midnight like by 4 a .m., it's not in your blood anymore and that's why Lindsay wants to do that.

[245] Oh, that's hilarious.

[246] So it's so funny that and the thing that really got to me was where the judge like heard Lindsay crying and stuff and the judge finally goes, all right, you did lie here, you lied here, you lied here, you lied here.

[247] Next case, you lied here, you lied here.

[248] It went through like four cases of like seven.

[249] I don't know if locking someone up in jail is like the best way to deal with this but this should all be a bright example to people a really a prominent example to people how you shouldn't make your fucking kids famous how many kids have to become incredibly fucked up from being famous child actors before we look at it and go this is nuts there's no way you should be doing that to a child there's no way you should be developing as a human being getting your shit together getting your ego to together is hard enough as it is.

[250] But to have that developing and getting your shit together and then mix it with fame?

[251] Dude.

[252] Can you imagine like 10 years from now Will Smith's kid's going to jump on your back and slice their necks?

[253] Dude.

[254] No, he's probably just going to be sad.

[255] Or her nose, man. Will is a really brilliant guy.

[256] He's a very smart guy.

[257] He might figure out a way to raise his kid correctly through this.

[258] But what an incredible fucking chore.

[259] What an incredible responsibility.

[260] The amount of pressure you put on the kid because kids you know, they can get spoiled so easy.

[261] Their perspective can get fucked up so quickly.

[262] They haven't really developed character.

[263] And to have a kid really be in a position where he never really has to overcome the same adversity that the rest of us have, he just doesn't have the opportunity to develop the character that the rest of us are going to have.

[264] The regular people that have to go through life and make their way as an adult and evolve as an adult and be an adult without money where you're in a situation where you're like, wow, I've got to figure out a way to get through this and, you know, to not have any fame whatsoever, you know, have to get by on your personality instead of get by the fact that you're famous when you were six.

[265] I heard that the first eight years of your life you learn 88 % of what makes you who you are today.

[266] Like the things like from walking all the way to how you react to certain things and the rest is what you have to deal with like your your RAM almost.

[267] Right, right right, right.

[268] Yeah, I've read some stuff about it up to two years old.

[269] I didn't read up to eight, but it makes sense.

[270] I mean, a lot of who you are as a human being is based on what kind of input you got when your mind was developing.

[271] It only makes sense.

[272] Your mind is going to prepare for a certain world.

[273] You know, they say that babies born into really high -stress, violent families where there's a lot of shouting and yelling and, you know, too many people, like if you're in a really bad neighborhood and, you know, too many people in your house, and there's a lot of stress all the time, babies born literally are wired different than babies that are born into calm households and babies that are born into calm households like the less stress you have the more chilled out the baby can be but if you have like a really really tense mom that kid's going to come out just ready to snap that kid's going to come out recognizing danger i had this long talk on a plane with michael irvin michael irvin was on a plane to australia where we're all going to the ufc he was going there to do some football thing with russell crow and i had met him um because i did a best damn sports show period and he was on it and he's a real cool guy man and very down to earth normal dude and so he and i were talking and we're just talking about kids getting involved in martial arts and kids getting involved in sports and he was talking about like what he was like when he was young that you know he's trying to like teach kids you know about controlling themselves teach kids about keeping their shit together and this was right after that dude that i don't remember the football player but he was chasing after his girlfriend he jumped in the back of a truck and he fell out and died remember that I don't remember the guy's name, yeah.

[274] He was talking about that guy, that was not thinking.

[275] He was just reacting.

[276] Like, you don't think, you don't do shit like that when you're thinking, but these guys aren't thinking, they just react.

[277] And he's trying to teach them how to, like, put some steps in there to, like, consider things before you act and recognize that there's a reason why you're so quick to behave like that.

[278] And that these people, these reckless type people are the ones who are always involved in, like, really strong competitive athletics, like fighting and football and shit.

[279] like that.

[280] It's because they're so much more quick to react.

[281] They're so much more explosive that a lot of it is just stress -based.

[282] I mean, there's so many fighters are born from shitty households.

[283] So many.

[284] Yeah.

[285] I mean, it's not a prerequisite.

[286] There's guys from strong families that still are great fighters because they just accept that, you know, they just love the challenge.

[287] Like George St. Pierre is a perfect example of that, very close with his dad.

[288] But a lot of guys come from fucking broken homes, man. And there's something in that.

[289] There's something in that the fury is just a little more intense from a dude who grows up without a dad or a dude who grows up in like a real shitty situation you know it's fucking crazy man when you really stop to think about it it's crazy that anybody would want their kid to be famous the Lindsay Lohan thing this should be the last straw yeah well there should be some common laws about it definitely but I think most of the people that have their kids it's because they're broken dreams and they're using their kids you know to do you think that's it or it's just a lack of awareness their lack of real consideration you see nobody thinks it's an offensive thing like you know if you if you tell them you know all my daughter's uh acting she's in a commercial they go oh good for you nobody ever goes wow what are you doing like why are you putting your kid on tv nobody nobody ever says that nobody ever says it like whoa you're putting you're going to fuck your kid up you're going to get your kid famous you know what the odds are if you got your kid famous what are the odds your kids going to grow up and be a mess it's so like 90 % why would you ever i mean yeah there's a few that get through it and they're okay the jodi fosters of the world that seem to be adjusted, but they're fucking rare, dude.

[290] What do you do?

[291] Are you making a...

[292] What the fuck is that?

[293] Oh, I forgot to his video.

[294] He's making them.

[295] Yeah, he forgot.

[296] Did you really forget?

[297] He did.

[298] He really did.

[299] He's so fucking silly.

[300] He made the lesbian and licked the hand thing.

[301] Yeah, I mean, what the fuck, man?

[302] To develop and to think that you're special right from the beginning, I mean, Lindsay Lohan was famous from...

[303] She was one of those Disney hookers, right?

[304] So many Disney hookers.

[305] There is.

[306] They breed on.

[307] They make these little hot little hookers.

[308] Let's count them off.

[309] Who are the Disney hookers?

[310] Christina Aguilera, she at Disney?

[311] Well, Timberlake made it through.

[312] Timberlake.

[313] Is he cool?

[314] He's got it together?

[315] Dude, that dude's got it totally down.

[316] Really?

[317] Yeah, that's super successful right -headed.

[318] Cool guy.

[319] Well, he's still super successful, too, though.

[320] There's never a drop -off.

[321] He's one at the top guys.

[322] He's a Mariah Carey, you know?

[323] Whatever.

[324] When they drop off, that's when they get nuts, right?

[325] Right.

[326] It's hard to rebound.

[327] And people want to see how far you fall and crash, so they kind of support your drop.

[328] right you know they turn their energy on wow he's really failing you have to hit rock bottom and then they'll let you come back up again but they're you know you have to brittney spears it you have to fucking just ride that boat right into the rocks now do you think brittany has snapped back or do you think she has just a new person that protects her nonstop you know like i am hired to make sure you don't fuck up ever again i think you don't fix that kind of crazy you don't fix it that shit is not fixable that's that's crazy to the bones man that's crazy just you know no she's she's fucking nuts she's they're not fixing anything that's a real simple case to me case closed they're just they're just handling her or they marry brian austin green what the fuck happen oh what's her face megan fox you think she's she's wacky too well she married brian austin green actually i don't think she was she when she got famous she probably is a really cool chick if she married brian austin green well yeah right think about that that guy's not even right he's not even working anymore right she's probably like the coolest chick ever well either that of brian Brian Austin Green is like a pimp of unimaginable proportions.

[329] He might be a pimp.

[330] Doesn't she have his name tattooed on her?

[331] Yeah.

[332] I say he's a pimp.

[333] Dude, he has to be a pimp.

[334] You know, you can hate all you want about Brian Austin Green.

[335] I'm not hating.

[336] I'm sorry, you know.

[337] Anybody can, you know.

[338] You people out there, you want to hate?

[339] What if that was you?

[340] I don't know.

[341] If you're at the peach pit, which guy would you choose, you know?

[342] Peach pit?

[343] What the fuck?

[344] You always have to take it to some dark, dark place.

[345] This Brian Austin Green fellow, isn't he like a rapper now?

[346] Doesn't he really?

[347] Yeah, doesn't he?

[348] I don't know.

[349] I didn't think he did anything.

[350] I think we need to find out right now.

[351] This is beautiful.

[352] This is beautiful.

[353] What a beautiful time to be alive.

[354] In the internet, if you have a question, he just throw that bitch into Google.

[355] It's so simple.

[356] Brian Austin Green rapping.

[357] We are about to find out, ladies and gentlemen.

[358] We don't have to go to the fucking library.

[359] We don't have to, you know, go to a college and meet some experts.

[360] Oh, Brian Austin.

[361] Okay, that was on TV.

[362] That wasn't...

[363] No, see, that's what I think it is.

[364] I think it's just like he had it on his show.

[365] Well, let's go into his wiki.

[366] A moment in rap history As that's Around the same time His character on 902101.

[367] David Silver started rapping Hmm Among his lyrical stylings You're so precious to me Am I precious to you?

[368] The answer, Brian, is yes Okay That was so pointless We missed the very beginning of it It's still pointless We didn't have his rapping I mean they had some of his lyrics I think they're just saying that he was a rapper.

[369] But he was whack.

[370] But we can't play it because then we'll have to pay him or something.

[371] Oh, really?

[372] You know, something like that.

[373] Because that was on VH1.

[374] Well, they were also saying that he's whack.

[375] I mean, they quoted his lyrics.

[376] Yeah.

[377] That's pretty whack.

[378] That sucks.

[379] That's just, like, those lyrics were so whack, like, you don't even have to pass a judgment on him.

[380] You just play them for people and raise your eyeballs.

[381] And go, hmm.

[382] It's like, you ever see that movie, Jesus Camp?

[383] Yeah.

[384] Crazy, crazy fucking movie.

[385] And the best part about the movie is they didn't cast any judgment.

[386] They just showed you these nutty motherfuckers that are out there raising kids to be Christian jihadists.

[387] You know, you don't have to.

[388] You don't have to cast anything.

[389] And the people are so nutty that they'll approve it.

[390] You could show them the fucking video, and they would say, yeah, that's our message.

[391] You got our message down, sir.

[392] That's a good documentary.

[393] Meanwhile, anybody who saw that thing, it was like a fucking horror movie, taking little kids.

[394] The best part is when they make them talking tongues.

[395] Did you see that part?

[396] They would say, everybody now talking tongues.

[397] So the kids would go, Shama, Malamalama, Kalama, it's like God talking through them in tongues.

[398] It's hilarious.

[399] They're five years old, man. Five years old, it's nonsense.

[400] They love nonsense.

[401] Five years old love to talk nonsense.

[402] All five -year -old kids do.

[403] So you give them like a time of the day at school.

[404] All right, kids, time to go nonsense.

[405] So they just go full fantasy.

[406] And they're talking in this made -up language.

[407] And it's obviously not a fucking language.

[408] because it's you're not saying anything like you I can tell when I'm listening to someone talk even if they have a foreign language I can tell if it's a real language you know you hear someone talking in like in Chinese like they're saying a bunch of crazy shit but there's a flow to it where you know they're not saying the same sounds over and over and over and over again which is what you do because you have to invent all these sounds on the fly if you're making a fake language like to have them vary to the point where it looks like it's like an actual like language that's difficult So you start going, Shama, which is what they all do.

[409] They're all uncreative fucks, and they're talking in tongues, and they're just making nonsense noises.

[410] That's all they're doing, man. And they're getting little kids to do this shit.

[411] And they're telling these kids that, you know, you're warriors for Christ and this woman that was comparing them to how, you know, Hamas and all these terrorist organizations raised little jihadists.

[412] She was literally comparing them.

[413] She's comparing them.

[414] Like, why don't we do that with Christianity?

[415] Like, this would be a good thing.

[416] The reason why these people are willing to blow themselves up is because they indoctrinated them into the world of radical Islam.

[417] We can do the same thing, but for good.

[418] She's like, but we're good.

[419] Not seeing the irony in the brainwashing kids.

[420] She's talking, well, they're getting brainwashed with the wrong thing.

[421] But if we brainwashed our kids with the truth and Jesus, I'm like, whoa.

[422] Joe how to raise kids?

[423] I had two guys knock on my door today that were both my age dressed up in the white shirts and the ties and stuff like that.

[424] Is that a Scientology or a Mormon thing?

[425] That's a Mormon, right?

[426] Mormons are some of the nicest fucking people.

[427] I have to tell you.

[428] They're so nice, dude.

[429] I can't stop laughing at them.

[430] It's like I see...

[431] It's ridiculous.

[432] It's completely ridiculous.

[433] The whole...

[434] Look, it's all ridiculous, though.

[435] It's not that, you know, being a Muslim isn't ridiculous, but being a Jew is...

[436] Everything's ridiculous.

[437] Being a Catholic's ridiculous.

[438] Being a Protestant's ridiculous.

[439] Being a Baptist is ridiculous.

[440] Being a Buddhist is ridiculous.

[441] Being in anything is ridiculous.

[442] You're a fucking.

[443] human being and if you attach yourself and your mind to any ideology you're going to be on a road and that road may or may not lead you in a good direction but you're going to stay on that fucking road if you're attached to an ideology and it could be a terrible road.

[444] It could be a road of circumcising your daughter's clitoris because that's a fucking tradition.

[445] I mean these fucking crazy bitches in Africa that cut holes in their lip and stretch them out to put plates on.

[446] Why is that?

[447] Because they got on a fucking road and they stuck with that road regardless of rational thinking.

[448] They didn't use rational thinking at all.

[449] They just adapted a predetermined pattern or behavior that makes life so much more simple.

[450] And that's what every fucking religion is.

[451] The problem is no one knows.

[452] You cannot know.

[453] You can have your own beautiful personal experiences.

[454] You could have been a person that was actually touched by God.

[455] But when you start yelling and ranting that other people have to follow your lead or the fucking world's going to end and Christians are going to be taken away, I know you're full of shit.

[456] I know you're full of shit.

[457] And the real problem is that we can't say it because everybody's got this Freedom of religion, freedom of religion, religious freedom, the freedom to express yourself.

[458] Even if you're expressing yourself with nonsense, nonsense that helps scared, lonely, sad people lock on to that nonsense so they feel like they're a part of something.

[459] I mean, that's what it is.

[460] It prays on people whose lives fucking suck.

[461] So it's all nuts.

[462] It's not like your shit's cool and my shit's not.

[463] And it's not that, you know, yoga's the answer or fucking mushrooms are the answer.

[464] There's just questions.

[465] And until we're honest about that, We're never going to evolve.

[466] The human race is stuck in a giant quagmire when it comes to our behavior and our thinking about our behavior.

[467] Yeah, totally.

[468] And one thing is, like, they all look like from the geek squad, these are these Mormon guys.

[469] They're crazy on 10 speeds.

[470] Can you imagine, though, if they, like, mixed it up and, like, showed up with, like, you know, hairy chess and necklaces and, like, rave clothes on and sunglasses, how scary that would be if the Mormons came to your house like that.

[471] If they started rocking it.

[472] Yeah, like, they pull up in, like, like, you know, what's that's a new shirt.

[473] Jevies, whatever, whatever.

[474] Yeah, man, I don't think the world's ready for, like, a hip religion yet.

[475] There was, like, some work they were doing with rock and roll churches.

[476] Remember that?

[477] Yeah, they still have those.

[478] Do they have those?

[479] Yeah, that is still popular?

[480] It's totally popular.

[481] Mine has a Starbucks in it.

[482] There was a girl that used to work at Fear Factor.

[483] She was a very nice girl, and she was, you know, trying to find her place.

[484] And she started going to a rock and roll church saying how much I would really love this rock and roll church.

[485] Even though this guy's talking about God, he's really all just about being positive, and that's the vehicle that he uses.

[486] For a lot of people, man, religion can give you some inspiration, but there comes a certain point in time where you have to pop the training wheels off.

[487] And you have to recognize that all this morality that you've developed is good because it's good to treat other people good.

[488] It's good to treat other people the way you would like to be treated yourself.

[489] It's like a fucking golden rule, and there's a reason for it.

[490] And that reason is that we're connected in some strange way that we don't totally.

[491] understand.

[492] Unless you are good to other people around you, unless you're kind and friendly and warm and loving, you're not going to fucking enjoy this life.

[493] You're just not.

[494] You're going to be problems everywhere you go.

[495] You're going to have problems everywhere you go.

[496] You've got to figure out a way to enjoy this fucking life.

[497] It's not because of Jesus.

[498] It's not because of Moses.

[499] It's not because of anybody that may or may not have ever existed.

[500] It's because that's how you fit in better in the world.

[501] That's how you stay positive.

[502] And it doesn't have to be some shit that was written 5 ,000 years ago on fucking animal skins.

[503] That doesn't have to be the golden rule because it's old.

[504] You know, that's dumb.

[505] We need to figure out like now today.

[506] What is, you know, the best way to live your life?

[507] What is the, you know, there's got to be ways you can be putting forward the most positive energy.

[508] I mean, we know objectively what's causing pollution.

[509] We know objectively what's causing birth defects and, you know, and we're taking in too much chemicals and not enough vitamins.

[510] We know objectively all this stuff.

[511] We know how to organize our world and yet we don't do it.

[512] We know how to organize our health and yet very few people do it.

[513] We know all these things.

[514] The right path to like being like a happy, healthy person is to do all the shit that we already know you're supposed to do.

[515] Take care of your body.

[516] Take care of your health.

[517] Take care of your mind, your stress.

[518] Meditate.

[519] Be kind to people.

[520] We all know that.

[521] I mean, you ask anybody they know how to get by and to be the the most evolved version of you that you can be.

[522] I mean, It's not like a magical checklist.

[523] If you talk to people about it, you said, okay, you've got a person, you want to improve them.

[524] What are the things you're going to do to them?

[525] Okay, well, if I was a life coach, the first thing I would say is this guy's got to get on a diet that makes him healthy.

[526] I don't mean a diet just to lose weight.

[527] I mean just healthy foods in your body.

[528] Many, many vegetables.

[529] Vegetables, a lot of good quality protein, a lot of water.

[530] Stop the sodas.

[531] Stop the bullshit.

[532] Start working out your body and get a better sense of like how this makes.

[533] machine feels when it's moving, it's flowing better.

[534] There's less tension in it.

[535] Your mind feels like relaxed and you enjoy every single moment of the day better.

[536] Step one.

[537] Everybody knows that step, right?

[538] What step two?

[539] Be cool to people.

[540] Be nice to as many people as you can.

[541] Smile as as many people as you can.

[542] Have them smile back at you.

[543] Tip well when you go to restaurants.

[544] Just do the most you can.

[545] Be as nice as you can, you know, and just still manage to not have people walk all over you.

[546] Just get through this life as nice as you can.

[547] What else?

[548] Do what you want to do with your life, right?

[549] Don't be doing something you don't enjoy.

[550] Don't do something that's, don't get locked into, you know, a car that you can't afford and doing something crazy because you need the money.

[551] Don't, don't do that.

[552] Do what you want to do.

[553] Do what the fuck is it that you really want to do?

[554] Because if someone else is doing it, you can do it, you know?

[555] I mean, everybody makes their own path through this world, but a lot of people don't follow the path that they really fucking feel pulled to, you know, just for whatever reason.

[556] They got negative programming.

[557] You know, when they were kids, someone told them that they couldn't do it or told them to take the shortcut or take the shore route.

[558] That's a sad thing, man, when you talk to dudes, especially like talented dudes and they don't follow up with what they want to do, you know?

[559] You know, anybody like that?

[560] I don't know, but I was just thinking to your list that I think you should never stop tickling people, and I don't know why it's looked down upon because I enjoy making people laugh in all, you know, including forcing them to laugh.

[561] I don't like people tickling me. Why?

[562] Are you ticklish?

[563] Ticklish.

[564] Where you tickling?

[565] I think Tickle, you know, do you know where Ticklish?

[566] This is an interesting subject.

[567] Do you know where this comes from?

[568] No. It's an evolutionary trait.

[569] And it's from being freaked out instantly and immediately about spiders and insects crawling on you.

[570] Really?

[571] Because if you're sleeping on the ground, yeah.

[572] Because if you're sleeping on the ground and something's on you and you fucking move like that, that's what Ticklish is.

[573] You're trying to avoid these instant reactions to these weird sensitive areas of your body, especially things where things can crawl like under your armpits.

[574] you touch my armpit i'll jump through the fucking roof i've fucking but that's what it is you know what i'm saying it's like this is all um it's an evolutionary thing it's did not know that makes sense of course why else would you have this extreme reaction on the bottom of your feet that's where you're stepping on things why are some people not ticklish at all though i mean like because they're dopes and they're supposed to die because you know i dated this girl that i even went to their lot you know the last you have your answer she was willing to date you so you know she's fucked up all right that's a b um she's she's she's ready to be bitten by a spider.

[575] Right.

[576] I always go for the butthole.

[577] It's the last move, though.

[578] Like, if you're not tickless, you're a tickless in the butthole.

[579] And then, that usually gets them.

[580] You ever watch a porno where a girl's got a rubber butthole?

[581] And you're like, this is ridiculous.

[582] How is this chick taking this ass?

[583] Just getting pounded in the ass.

[584] Yeah.

[585] How do they do that?

[586] You've seen the belladonna one.

[587] Dude, she's crazy.

[588] And so is.

[589] We talked about that in the podcast before.

[590] We looked it up.

[591] And then we found out there was like, we looked up, um, baseball bat porn.

[592] Because we thought it would only be the one Belladonna video.

[593] No, there's like a bunch of videos of chicks with bats up their ass.

[594] I think it's once a girl puts a bat up her ass Then the other porn guys They come to the other chicks And go, see, look, she's willing to do it What, you don't want to do it?

[595] You don't want to work?

[596] You just can add it to your resume That's an extra job that you would get That you wouldn't have got before It's a dark road, son That's kind of weird I would like to see like the resumes Of some of these girls Like, we'll do baseball bats We'll eat donkey ass Here's a fucking funny story There was a dude That was friends with a friend of mine I didn't know the guy that well But he was dating a porno star And he was like trying to be cool with it because he didn't have any money and she was, you know, paying the bills and shit and he was, I think he was a musician.

[597] And she came home with a contract and he was just, you know, hey, it's just sex, man, it's no big deal.

[598] Yeah, I'm a lot of fuck other girls and I'm on the road too.

[599] You know, we're just open.

[600] It's no big deal.

[601] And she doesn't fuck any of those guys when she's not working with them, you know, the whole deal.

[602] He had this whole rationalization thing.

[603] And then he got a contract and he's going over the contract.

[604] And he goes, what's this?

[605] What's this airtight?

[606] What does that mean?

[607] and she goes airtight is one of my mouth one of my asshole one of my pussy and he goes this this relationship's over he's just fucking threw in the towel right then and there he's like what what what's what at the same time one in your asshole one of your and they have a name for it okay and you're about to go airtight yeah done that's it put a fucking fork in it hooker you go triple rainbow damn first of all you know any girl that would let you do that any girl whoa any girl that wants to do that and any girl that is in a relationship where the man is like cool with her doing that you got a whole lot of problems there's there's this girl who was uh there's this guy i'm uh not iestine salami was his name still he uh i think he lives in seattle now cool dude he was a porn producer didn't like it got out of it he said the whole business is just fucked up it's all crazy and everyone's a mess and he just wants to be a healthier person So now he's teaching Jiu -Jitsu.

[608] Super nice guy.

[609] So anyway, he tells us, hey, man, come see me. We're doing a porno shoot.

[610] Come watch it.

[611] It's pretty fun.

[612] So I was with Tate.

[613] And we were like, all right, fuck it.

[614] We'll go.

[615] We just got back from the road.

[616] We just landed from some gig.

[617] And this is when Tate was staying with me. So before we went to my house, we just drove to this guy's fucking porno shoot.

[618] I mean, right out of the airport, right?

[619] We walk in the door.

[620] We walk in the door, and there's this one guy with guns tattooed on his body.

[621] He's got, like, guns, like, Yeah, one of those dudes.

[622] And then the other guy is just this regular muscle -looking dude.

[623] And they are ruining this bitch.

[624] They are ruining her.

[625] One guy is pounding her asshole with his dick.

[626] And one guy is fucking her mouth.

[627] And every couple seconds, they pull her off the dick and spit in her mouth.

[628] So this girl goes through this terrible day of all this, spitting, fucking her asshole, fucking her pussy.

[629] And then when it's all over, she goes into the shower and she wants everyone to piss in her mouth.

[630] so these porno stars start peeing in her mouth and she sits there with her mouth open and then she wants a director do it you get over here so the director goes over and he pees in her mouth and I am watching this whole thing I'm like this might be the saddest shit I've ever seen in my life this girl is on her knees in the shower okay the water's pouring all over her she's totally wet she's been pounded in the asshole in the mouth all day two dudes have taken turns spitting in her mouth of three dudes because the director did it too he's spitting her mouth too everybody was spitting in her mouth and now she's on her knees and there's a dude pissing in her mouth and they're filming it and I'm like wow so then she goes my boyfriend's gonna pick me up at blah you know four or something like that and we're like your boyfriend oh man that's ridiculous and I didn't want to talk to I didn't want to be mean I didn't want to be judgmental I didn't want to say anything I introduced myself hi Joe nice to meet you like I'm gonna watch you fuck me and my friend Tate here we're gonna sit and watch you get fucked so we were sitting like maybe fucking 10 feet away from this standing standing like maybe 10 feet away while these two dudes were pounded on this chick and then these guys peed in this girl's mouth and then she starts talking about her boyfriend what does your boyfriend do he's a cook so like a short order cook at some like Denny's or some shit like that oh my god and uh you know and i go is your is your husband cool with all this yeah he's cool with it long as i keep bringing home checks he's cool with it and so uh take goes does he allowed to fuck anybody else she goes he better not i'll fucking kill him oh my god we're like whoa He better not, I'll fucking kill him.

[631] Like, what did I just watch?

[632] This is just, this might be the nuttyest fucking scene I've ever been a part of in my whole life.

[633] I'm like, this is so strange.

[634] That is awful.

[635] Do you remember her name?

[636] Like her porn name or anything?

[637] No, I have no idea.

[638] I wouldn't remember her face, her name, anything.

[639] I'd never seen her before or again.

[640] There's so many of them, dude.

[641] There's so much porn going on out here.

[642] There's so many dudes that I know.

[643] I know so many guys from Jiu -Jitsu, Tyler Knight.

[644] I know him.

[645] He's a porn dude.

[646] Very cool guy.

[647] He's got a really awesome blog, too.

[648] He writes about gang -bang scenes and shit like that.

[649] And Jake Steed used to train Machado's.

[650] And then there was another dude that used to train the Machadoes.

[651] T .T. Boy.

[652] And then John LaFour.

[653] Well, that's his real name.

[654] I'm not supposed to.

[655] Vince Voyer.

[656] Vince Voire is another fucking male porn star.

[657] There's like a gang of them, man. There's like all these porn guys.

[658] There's so much porn going on out here.

[659] That's ridiculous.

[660] They're all girls come out here with, like, you know, whatever issues and you know looking for a dream and a lot of them it doesn't work out and the next thing you know they're doing porn and then there's girls that just have always wanted to get into porn and then they just fucking like sasha gray type chicks they come here when they're 18 like good to go ready to suck dick on film mm -hmm it's kind of depressing actually but it makes you know the grocery store at 2 a .m. a lot better you know because you're just walking around there's some porn chick how wasted trying to get cantalopes it's way worse when you have kids dude i bet yeah i have a hard time beating off to porn these days yeah i have to like shut off the compassionate part of my brain really yeah compassionate part of my brain once ago okay what if this is my daughter with you know my daughter was doing this and guys were holding her eyelids open and jizzing in her eyeball you know i've watched that the other day and i'm like what the fuck someone's baby someone's little baby girl you know someone's fucking her like that maybe she likes it you know some girls do like that so you can't say always that it's terrible but you know for a point chances are if you're getting pounded in a porn film that's not really what you want to be doing you should try to figure out something else that you can masturbate to like start like getting attracted to something on purpose to try to train your brain someone's going to come up with anime porn yeah just some fucking awesome CGI you know use the quake four engine yeah you know once it gets to the point where pornography can be artificially created, then it'll be way better.

[661] It's karma -free porn.

[662] Today's the day that Doc set the time machine to go back to and back to the future.

[663] Really?

[664] Yeah.

[665] Wow.

[666] That's hilarious.

[667] How do you know that?

[668] Somebody tweeted it earlier today.

[669] I didn't research it, so it might be fake.

[670] Could you imagine if they really do invent a time machine one day?

[671] Because the real thing about time machines that people aren't aware of, there's like scientists that actually try to like study time travel and whether or not.

[672] There's a guy who's a fucking awesome story.

[673] his name is Ronald Mallet Dr. Ronald Mallet, I believe, from Connecticut.

[674] See if he Google that shit.

[675] See if that's his name.

[676] But anyway, the guy has a fantastic story.

[677] He's like the leading scientist when it comes to theoretical models for time travel.

[678] What is his name?

[679] Ronald Mallet from, I believe, University of Connecticut.

[680] And he has like a working model.

[681] Yeah, it is Ronald Mallet.

[682] He has a working model of a M -A -L -L -E.

[683] T -E -T -T, or one tier, two T -T, Ronald M -A -L -E -T -T.

[684] Look them up on Google, and there's some videos about him, but his dad died.

[685] It's a crazy story.

[686] His dad died when he was a kid, and he was so hurt.

[687] He loved his father.

[688] There's all his photos of him and his father, and his father smiling, and he's smiling.

[689] He was so close to his father.

[690] When his father died, it crushed him.

[691] And so he dedicated his life to creating a time machine.

[692] He dedicated his life to creating a time machine so that he could go back in time and save his father so his father would be with him again.

[693] So that was the entire focus of his life.

[694] And he got to a certain point where he realized that you can someday it is possible to travel back in time.

[695] But it's not something that you're going to be able to go back to any point in history.

[696] You're only going to be able to go back in time to the moment that the first time machine was invented.

[697] So what will be able to be possible is You'll be able to the moment there is a time machine invented You'll that day from that day on You'll be able to go to any point in history that you want So you can go to you know Assuming there's human beings around You know assuming though the world hasn't been hit by another planet or some crazy shit You'll be able to go to you know one million years from now Let's see what the world looks like one million years from now Because there will be time machines functional back then or in that future But the problem is then this is the this you know it's all theoretical but the problem is that any moment in time could also go back to the moment the first time machine was invented so if you can travel back in time from any moment in time that's like millions of years in fact infinite if people are still alive of time of years of people going back to the moment of the first time machine being invented so it's literally like the whole notion of time gets broken you know there's no there's no like real future at all kind of happens all at once.

[698] So it literally fucks with the entire fabric of the universe.

[699] Everything can come back to the moment that the first time machine was invented.

[700] It like breaks everything.

[701] So this is like real shit they're working on.

[702] Like this guy is like really convinced that this is a possible thing.

[703] That's craziness.

[704] Beyond.

[705] Here's something else.

[706] Back to the Future three.

[707] If you look at the very end of the movie when Docs has his kids and he's like telling like, see him, mighty everything's going to be good, you know?

[708] Look at one of the kids.

[709] The kids starts going like this like come here or put something in my hand and then he points to his dick what it is so ridiculous and just got snuck through somehow it snuck through but i'm talking about like a six year old dude people were so stupid back then they didn't even know so yeah so you could find on youtube like back to the future three points to package is that one of those movies that you go watch it today and it would disappoint the shit out of yeah yeah not so good on not so good i mean i i saw the first one the other day and it was okay but then i saw the third one i was just so dumb i didn't even want to watch it yeah man the evolution of movies has been pretty fucking pretty obvious you know the evolution of what we accept you know yeah like people talk about avatar being silly and ridiculous but still you see toy story three yet no i heard it's awesome is it yeah all that animation stuff just freaks me the fuck out i was reading and wired there's some insane amount of time for like every frame for as far as like rendering some like seven hour fucking time for each frame to render isn't that insane which movie though this can't be now was a Pixar movie really yeah oh that's crazy hmm it seems like it would be better than I could go into the living room and go get that that magazine but I don't know exactly where it is and I don't want to get up but the idea is that it's still even to this day it's very difficult to do the whole um even if my time frame is wrong the whole um why don't you just look underwired Pixar Pixar not pixel um but it's it's still not quite there yet as far as like the the technology that's that's going to exist one day where you can create instant artificial people you know you remember like the editing that you're doing right now just with Final Cut You know I'm just doing it on a regular Home computer an Apple I mean that this is the kind of shit That 10 years ago It's like fucking dreaming Right You know you're dreaming bitch Like you know what You're gonna be able to edit And how fast is it gonna render And you're gonna put shit together It's that easy 20 years ago Science fiction Right 20 years ago it's science fiction 30 years ago It's super crazy science fiction That's like ridiculous You're talking about something that's just like people would look at in the movies and go, wow, you know, like minority report type shit.

[710] Yeah.

[711] Where they make it look like you can do it now, but it really is not going to exist for another, you know, 100 years or so.

[712] What did you say?

[713] How many hours?

[714] I think they said seven hours.

[715] Yeah, that's what they just, seven hours?

[716] Seven hours per pixel.

[717] Yeah.

[718] What the fuck, man?

[719] That's ridiculous.

[720] That's like a supercomputer too, right?

[721] Don't they use, like, a server farm?

[722] I'm sure they use, yeah, a huge cloud of computers.

[723] Definitely.

[724] Yeah, man. That's ridiculous.

[725] Those movies took a lot of fucking time.

[726] But God damn, they're cool as fuck.

[727] So seven hours now So in 10 years That means we could do Pixar movies on our phone Oh yeah Yeah that's inevitable right That's gonna be awesome Hey dude check out Toy Story 80 huh If they don't break the universe before then Yeah Right That's my latest theory That the human beings create the Big Bang I've been talking about on that stage I think that's what we're doing I think that's why the big bang I think 14 billion years ago Plus was the Big Bang I think it was a lonely dude in his basement who figured out a way to break the universe and he had a switch and he wanted to see what happened and he clicked it and the whole thing I just wanted I just want to jump I think that's what happens and then you know people get curious and we develop to a certain point in time where we repeat the process isn't that possible I mean nobody knows what the fuck created the Big Bang right but when you see scientists working on shit like the large Hadron Collider the Large Hadron Collider is this crazy experiment that they're participating right now in Europe where they've got this 22 kilometer long machine and it spins these atoms around and collides them.

[728] It's just just slightly slower than the speed of light.

[729] And they're trying to recreate a thing called the Higgs -Bosson particle.

[730] Now they believe there's actually five different Higgs -Bosson particles.

[731] They're trying to figure out like what existed.

[732] They called the god particle for lack of a better word and it's what existed just a millisecond, you know, a fraction of a millisecond.

[733] and even right after the Big Bang.

[734] So when they get that, when they figure out how to do that, and if they do recreate the Higgs boss, and if they do really find out it's not just a theoretical particle, but it's real, when they do that, they're not going to stop there.

[735] They're not going to stop there.

[736] They're going to keep going.

[737] What's the next thing?

[738] They've got 10 ,000 scientists working on that.

[739] This is the biggest project in scientific history, and it has nothing to do with making our lives better.

[740] Technology at one point in time was all about making your life better.

[741] technology was about you know hey we need to get water and we don't want to you know just have to drink it out of the river every time we need to get it and bring it back to camp what do we do we figured out how to make a jug you know i mean that's technology technology today the shit like the higgs boston particle shit like the large hadron collider shit like making time machines like what are you doing like what the fuck are you doing you're not fixing the hole in the ground in the gulf that's making the oil pull out shouldn't they pull all the scientists off everything and go okay we got to fix this before the whole ocean gets poisoned.

[742] I've always wondered why they don't do that anyway.

[743] So with cancer, with anything, it's just like, all you guys, we're going to take all the scientists at once, cancer, one year, do it.

[744] You know, these guys aren't experts in their fields, obviously.

[745] You can't know everything about everything.

[746] It's a silly concept.

[747] I mean, what I'm saying, but it would be great if they took all the top scientists from all the different disciplines that would be involved, and they immediately allocated funds to get them to work on the project instantly.

[748] And just the government I mean, I'm not in favor of the government stepping in, but in this case, I would say this is not just a natural disaster.

[749] This is a fucking catastrophic disaster where apocalyptic disaster where they need to step in and do something about this immediately.

[750] They need to like impose almost like a martial loss type of a thing.

[751] Take over the whole, you know, but then again, who's going to be good that's doing that for the government?

[752] The government would have to involve the private sector and then the private sector would try to make a lot of money from it and they would try to fuck people over and it would be a big scandal and it'd be like Halliburton and they'd find out billions of dollars are missing from the, you know, whatever, my fucking idea sucks.

[753] You see that baby in China that was born with a second favorite?

[754] Dude, I did, and I didn't want to look.

[755] Oh, I saw it, and I shut it off.

[756] That shit depresses the fuck out of me. It's pretty amazing, though.

[757] It's, I mean, it's a second face, and it kind of looks like, what is that movie, Phantom of the Opera or whatever?

[758] But it's, I mean, did you, does it say if they were going to be able to fix the kid?

[759] Oh, no, dude, it depresses the shit out of me. Just like the one that I saw the other day where there's a baby that was born.

[760] It was like a fish baby.

[761] Like the skin had this very strange disease.

[762] That shit's so depressing to me, man. You know, fucked at birth.

[763] Yeah.

[764] And especially, man, it's depressing when you find out that it's due to birth defects because of chemicals.

[765] People that worked at factories and, you know, people that were given chemicals, they shouldn't have been given while they were pregnant.

[766] Man, China.

[767] China's a tricky place right now, man. China has some of the most polluted cities.

[768] the world.

[769] Have you ever seen videos on that?

[770] Have you ever seen, is that the same where they're dropping all, like, all our old computers and cell phones are all going there?

[771] Is that China?

[772] I don't know.

[773] Do they go to China?

[774] Yeah, there's somewhere they go, and it's just cities that are, like, kind of like, was that Wally movie, where it's cities of just old computers and stuff like that?

[775] Yeah.

[776] Let's find out where they go.

[777] Let's find out, because I never heard of that before.

[778] Really?

[779] No. But I do know that, you know, China has terrible pollution problems.

[780] And there was one city where they showed it, was it a VBS