Tilly Remembers Her Grandfather

[0] Uh, I am recording, and it is working.

[1] Hey, Tilly.

[2] Hi.

[3] Hey, how are you?

[4] I'm doing okay.

[5] Tilly, what is that in your hand?

[6] It looks like a blanket or a stuffed animal.

[7] It's a blanket.

[8] Oh, what does it say on it?

[9] It says powered by pizza.

[10] And does it look like it has an image of pepperoni pizza on it?

[11] Is that what I'm glimpsing?

[12] Yeah.

[13] That's pretty good.

[14] Great.

[15] Well, Tilly, I really want to thank you for getting on the phone with us, or I guess this Google Hangout with us.

[16] And I wonder if you could tell me your full name and how old you are?

[17] Matilda Rose Brimhorst, and then I am 12.

[18] Mm -hmm.

[19] And I just want to start with a very simple question.

[20] How have you been feeling this past week?

[21] I'm kind of in and out of moods, usually the two moods that I'm mostly in are sad and angry and why do you think that you're sad and angry?

[22] What about?

[23] I don't know.

[24] I feel like we're sad and angry because I think angry more that it's not fair that he's gone and I feel like sad is really we're sad that he's gone and sad that we're sad that we're being sad.

[25] From the New York Times, I'm Michael Babarro.

[26] This is the Daily.

[27] More than 50 ,000 Americans have died from the coronavirus.

[28] One of them was Craig Brimhorst.

[29] Today, his granddaughter remembers him.

[30] It's Friday, May 1st.

[31] I wonder if you could tell me a little bit about your grandfather.

[32] How would you describe your grandfather physically?

[33] What did he look like?

[34] What would he wear?

[35] Those kinds of things.

[36] Well, he'd wear pastor clothes and stuff.

[37] Was he a pastor?

[38] Yes, he was a pastor.

[39] He used to be a mailman, and then he didn't like that job.

[40] And he had white hair, and then the mustache that goes right into the beard.

[41] And when I was little, I play with his beard, because it just felt so interesting touching it with my hands.

[42] What do you mean?

[43] It felt all rough and scrapey, but like not too scrapy.

[44] He'd wear glasses, and sometimes I stole his glasses, and he's like, yeah, I ran back.

[45] And like, whenever I walked into the house, he'd just be like, hooty -ho.

[46] I don't know where that came from, but it's always something he said.

[47] Ho -de -ho.

[48] Ho -de -ho.

[49] It's more interesting than hello.

[50] Yeah.

[51] Did he have any kind of nickname for you?

[52] Tilly B was my one.

[53] Tilly B. Yeah, because for Rhyme Horse, they just called me Tilly B, and it kind of just rhymes.

[54] Wait, which part rhymes?

[55] Tilly and then B. It's just kind of like, it just goes together.

[56] Tilly B. Tilly B. Yeah.

[57] And then he'd always make me happy.

[58] I'd never, like, really get upset around him, unless I'm not.

[59] was hurt.

[60] Unless you were hurt, you said.

[61] Yeah.

[62] Because we did all sorts of crazy things.

[63] Wait, now I need to understand some of the crazy things you did with him.

[64] Well, you'd take me out on the roof once we brought sweeping bags on the roof.

[65] The roof of your house?

[66] No, my grandpa's house.

[67] But we didn't tell my dad about it until afterwards.

[68] Wow.

[69] It sounds like he has a slightly mischievous quality to him.

[70] Yeah.

[71] Can you tell me about that?

[72] What was that like?

[73] Well, it would usually be like the middle of summer, and we'd grab the step ladder and open the window, pull up the screen, climb up onto the edge of the roof, up to our special spot.

[74] Just laid there on the roof.

[75] And we just looked at the stars and talked for a while.

[76] What kinds of things would your grandfather say?

[77] Here, Tilly, let's look for the big dipper, maybe the Milky Way if we're lucky, and Mars might be like, wait, but isn't Mars a planet, not a star?

[78] You would just be like, but we can see it as a red star, kind of.

[79] The stars were really bright, and it was really warm outside, and it was beautiful.

[80] How often would you see your grandfather?

[81] We wouldn't see him like every single weekend, but like we'd do him a lot.

[82] He'd like come to my school and he'd sit in the lunchroom with me. Wow.

[83] He would just show up.

[84] Did he announce himself?

[85] Was it unexpected?

[86] He would never tell me that he was coming.

[87] And he'd just be waiting for me right next to the lunchroom door, just waiting for me. And then I just look around for him every time.

[88] He'd sit right next to me. And I had my lunchbox and he kind of just pick out things from it.

[89] Sometimes he'd take my chips and they'd be like, Papa!

[90] He'd talk to my friends.

[91] He'd talk about all these fun things, like all his stories about like going to Tanzania and all sorts of things.

[92] And what would you think when you saw him?

[93] I'd be proud.

[94] I'd be proud that my grandpa comes to this, to my school.

[95] school a lot to just eat lunch with me and tell my friends all these stories.

[96] Mm -hmm.

[97] He was just there right when I needed it, which made me feel really nice.

[98] Yeah, I don't know a lot of grandpas or grandmas who do that.

[99] That's really special.

[100] Yeah.

[101] So I want you to tell me, if you're willing, the story of the last few weeks and what happened?

[102] with your grandfather.

[103] Yeah.

[104] And I wonder, I don't know where you think we should start.

[105] Uh, I think we should, like, start from the beginning.

[106] Mm -hmm.

[107] Um, so Papa and my grandma went to the Holy Land.

[108] He wanted to take his church group there.

[109] So they went to the Middle East?

[110] Yeah, where baby Jesus was, like, born and, like, that's the place.

[111] And then they got, like, this morning there.

[112] an outbreak has started here of the coronavirus and so when they come back they were straight into quarantine but right when they came back papa started getting like really ill he had high fever really high fever and in my mind at first when he was home i was like oh he's fine he'll he'll get through this he's strong but then he got worse and worse and i was like oh no it's going to happen.

[113] I was just kind of in a worried state, but not like a, oh my gosh, I'm really, really sad.

[114] That's what I say.

[115] Until like a couple weeks later, he just couldn't do it and he got lifted to the hospital here.

[116] And Tilly, were you talking to him during this time?

[117] No, I didn't get to talk to him at all.

[118] I mean, he didn't even like letters, but I don't know if he even got to read those.

[119] I remember, so when I heard about that he was put in the hospital, because it got worse.

[120] Mom was like, do you want to sleep with one of his shirts?

[121] I was like, yeah.

[122] So she brought me the shirt.

[123] It was just like a greenish brown t -shirt.

[124] Were you wearing it or was it just beside you?

[125] I was wearing it.

[126] It felt like really, really big on me. Um, It was kind of like cold, but it felt really soothing to wear it, though.

[127] I wanted to feel like I was close to him.

[128] I was giving him a hug, and I thought about him the whole night.

[129] I prayed that he would make it through, that he wouldn't have to go.

[130] But my prayer really didn't come true.

[131] Because he had a stroke during the night from a heart disease that he had.

[132] had and that made it super worse and even if we did get him back he wouldn't actually like his body would be there but he wouldn't be there he couldn't do anything like he couldn't talk into the things that made him him and how did you learn the news mom got a call and then i looked at her and i saw worry so i kind of just um just did stuff and then mommy told me what happened And what did she tell you?

[133] She told me about the living will that my grandma, my dad, and my uncles read it, well, the doctor read it to them, that it said that if something happened, he wanted to go, he didn't want to, like, have to suffer in this state.

[134] So your grandfather had written a will that made clear that if he got very sick and he'd reached a condition.

[135] where things weren't working out that he wanted to be allowed to die yeah and he just wanted to go to heaven be with God like he says he wanted to fall in the arms of God that's what he wrote yeah he he wants to fall in the arms of God he's like a trust fall really and I and I couldn't I couldn't handle like knowing that I knew that he wouldn't be coming back he wouldn't be with me anymore.

[136] Mm -hmm.

[137] And that was hard to know.

[138] Mm -hmm.

[139] How are you holding up over there?

[140] I'm okay.

[141] It's hard talking about it, but it also makes me happy to talk about how great he was and what happened.

[142] You know, I've lost my grandparents, too.

[143] It's one of the kind of sad, inevitable things that it means to be alive is that the people before you die, and it's, it's just really hard.

[144] Yeah.

[145] It is really hard.

[146] Mm -hmm.

[147] I want you to know you're being very brave and telling the story.

[148] I know how difficult it must be.

[149] Thank you.

[150] We'll be right back.

[151] Can I ask you to describe sadness to me, what that feels like?

[152] I feel like it's hard.

[153] Sadness is probably like a hard one for me. Happiness I could do easily, but like sadness is kind of hard.

[154] Why is happiness easy and why is sadness hard, do you think?

[155] I don't know.

[156] Sadness is an emotion that is kind of like more like deeper and it's kind of like a big, big emotion.

[157] Happiness can be big, but not as much as sadness.

[158] There's a depth to it that makes it hard to describe.

[159] I kind of feel like sadness is like just an ocean filled with nothing.

[160] Mm -hmm.

[161] Have you noticed that the people around you, your parents, that they are sad too?

[162] Yeah.

[163] So my dad will go outside a lot.

[164] You can tell that he's getting angry and he's really short -tempered.

[165] At that point, mom will kind of just stay her in her office, not really doing anything, but she'll just sit around.

[166] Like, I've seen mom try to, keep crying to herself and dad too but i can see it i mean try to they're trying to shield it from you yeah but i can still feel it do you wish that they would just do it in front of you and and why do you think they should do it more out in the open i kind of feel like i can it helps me understand my emotions as well like how they feel do i feel that it kind of gives you permission to feel the way you feel?

[167] Yeah.

[168] Like when I was talking to my dad about Papa, he started crying, and I started crying, and then we just hugged and it was nice.

[169] You know, a lot of kids are going through what you're going through right now because of this virus, and a lot of adults are going through this.

[170] I wonder how that makes you feel.

[171] It makes me feel like not a long, And it also kind of makes me feel a bit angry about how they still haven't figured out how this started.

[172] I want to know so I could figure out, like, how it wouldn't happen again.

[173] Like, was it a cause of a human that didn't?

[174] Was it the cause of an animal?

[175] Was it kind of both?

[176] And if it turns out, this is just something that nature and the universe gave us, and it wasn't somebody who did something, how would you feel about that?

[177] I'd be mad at the universe I know that a lot of people when someone they care about or they love passes away they end up looking for that person in the world or they end up thinking about that person unexpectedly.

[178] Yeah.

[179] Thinking that maybe they're there or standing by you, that sort of thing.

[180] Mm -hmm.

[181] Yeah, I feel like Papa was like by me a lot but sometimes I feel like he's out there like with other people and helping them through their bad moments.

[182] You know, I have a very specific sense of my grandmother whenever this song comes on because when I was around your age, she died and a song was playing on the radio and it was a song that made me feel sad even though it was a love song.

[183] I don't know if you've ever heard this song.

[184] by Richard Barks, and it goes, wherever you go, whatever you do, I will be right there waiting for you.

[185] And it always makes me think of my grandmother and her death whenever it comes on.

[186] And I wonder if you're having moments like that yet.

[187] Yeah, I do have those type of moments, but like kind of different than just a song.

[188] It's more of when I saw my grandma in her backyard, because we went over just to the backyard, We weren't allowed to get close to anyone, though.

[189] Mm -hmm.

[190] I felt like he, I felt like sad, but I also felt kind of, kind of relieved that he is in peace now.

[191] He didn't have to deal with this bad virus.

[192] He doesn't have to feel pain or sadness or anything.

[193] Mm -hmm.

[194] Tilly, have you gone outside and looked up at the stars?

[195] since your grandfather died?

[196] Only a little bit, but not much.

[197] It's not the same without being at my grandma's house.

[198] Do you think that you will do that?

[199] Do you think there'll be a point when you'll want to do that?

[200] Yeah, we said when we're going to go over to Grandma's house, me, daddy, and my big sister are going to go up onto the roof and just sit there looking at the stars.

[201] Well, Tilly, I really want to thank you for spending time with us.

[202] And I want to tell you I'm sorry I am about the loss of your grandfather.

[203] Thank you.

[204] It was really good to talk to you.

[205] Yeah.

[206] It feels good to talk to someone about it.

[207] It's good to talk.

[208] We'll be right back.

[209] Here's what else you need to know today.

[210] The latest data from the Labor Department shows that more than 30 million Americans have filed for unemployment benefits since the start of the pandemic.

[211] But the Times reports that the real figure is probably much higher.

[212] A new study found that about 8 million more Americans have either failed or not even tried to apply for unemployment, meaning that close to note, The 40 million may now be unemployed.

[213] And President Trump is letting the federal guidelines for social distancing, which were put in place in mid -March, expire as of this morning.

[214] I think a way of saying they'll be fading out because now the governors are doing it.

[215] I've had many calls from governors, governor of Texas.

[216] During a meeting in the Oval Office, Trump said that responsibility for social distancing would now fall to governors.

[217] I am very much in favor of what they're doing.

[218] They're getting it going, and we're opening our country again.

[219] Do you want to explain that, please?

[220] Finally.

[221] We are doing a lot of things here that we've never done before, but this is as ambitious as anything that we've ever undertaken.

[222] In New York, officials said that the New York City subway system, the only system in the country that runs 24 hours.

[223] hours a day.

[224] We'll now be shut down every night between 1 and 5 a .m. so that trains can be disinfected.

[225] We have the essential workers who we are so grateful to because they're coming to work every day.

[226] We all say thank you.

[227] But gratitude is best acted upon, right?

[228] I want to know that they have safe, clean, decent transportation.

[229] And that means we have to disinfect the trains.

[230] Every 24 hours The subway has shut down just twice in the past decade, both times when it was flooded during hurricanes.

[231] The Daily is made by Theo Balcom, Andy Mills, Lisa Tobin, Rachel Quester, Lindsay Garrison, Annie Brown, Claire Tennisketter, Paige Cowett, Michael Simon Johnson, Brad Fisher, Larissa Anderson, Wendy Doar, Chris Wood, Jessica Chung, Stella Tan, Alexandra Lee Young, Jonathan Wolfe, Lisa Chow, Eric Kruppki, Mark George, Luke Vanderplug, Adiza Egan, Kelly Prime, Julia Longoria, Sindhu Yonassumbandun, M .J Davis Lynn, Austin Mitchell, Sayer Kavado, Nina Pawtuck, Dan Powell, Dave Shaw, Sydney Harper, Daniel Gimet, Hans Butoh, Robert Jimison, Mike Benoit, Bianca Gaver, and Asta Chaturvedi.

[232] Our theme music is by Jim Brunberg and Ben Landsberg of Wonderly.

[233] Special thanks to Sam Dolnick, Michaela Bouchard, Lauren Jackson, Julia Simon, Mahima Chablani, and Nora Keller.

[234] That's it for the daily.

[235] I'm Michael Babaro.

[236] See you on Monday.