This F Word Improves Grades and Homework

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[22] Do you have a child who struggles with focus and attention for whom schoolwork is just really hard to do?

[23] There are fights and power.

[24] over homework and they resist, they melt down, they shut down.

[25] Okay, that makes you a normal parent.

[26] And it makes your child pretty normal too.

[27] So that's what we're going to talk about today on today's bonus episode of the Calm Parenting podcast.

[28] So welcome.

[29] This is Kirk Martin.

[30] Founders Celebrate Calm.

[31] You can find us at Celebrate Calm .com.

[32] If you need help, reach out to our child, who hated schoolwork and homework until we finally figured out how his brink.

[33] brain worked best and then voila things got a lot better so his name is casee you can find him at k c c -a -s -se -y at celebrate calm .com he'll help you out email tell us about your family we love helping parents we'll give you some ideas and strategies if you're interested in any of our products we'll give you recommendations we'll work it within your budget we've got a special birthday going sale going on because it was just my 55th birthday and we love doing that so so got this child, so let's take a look inside your child's brain.

[34] I often do this when I do professional development teacher training.

[35] Sometimes at parent workshops I'll do some of this, but I like to make an analogy like your child's brain is a little city and there are a few things going on in this city.

[36] So if you get the, if you have the ADHD University program, you'll hear this in there and we provide this little chart with three columns.

[37] And so the first column is about this.

[38] It's about kids with very, very busy brains.

[39] And so the analogy is, imagine in your city where you live, it's Friday afternoon at 5 o 'clock, it's rush hour, and the traffic lights are blinking kind of like yellow.

[40] They're not working.

[41] Well, what happens?

[42] Well, you've got a lot of chaos and disorder and you get people flipping each other off.

[43] It doesn't work well.

[44] Well, many of your kids have brain.

[45] like this because the neurotransmitters don't communicate all that well so it's kind of like they've got these busy disorderly brains and so that's why they need so much order and structure and so what you'll see is they're disorganized and forgetful right so executive function is difficult you can tell them go to your room and put your shoes on come downstairs and 45 minutes later they come down with a really cool Lego project they built but their shoes not on and it's frustrating right anxiety comes from here right so unknowns of anxiety cause a lot of problems with your kids and a lot of meltdowns.

[46] I guarantee most of the meltdowns in your home are not about a child just being difficult or defiant.

[47] I guarantee you the root of it is often anxiety.

[48] It's why they have trouble with short -term memory, right?

[49] Sometimes they'll ask all the time, what's the plan?

[50] What are we doing?

[51] What are we doing?

[52] They often process things slowly.

[53] And I went over that in the last podcast and the last newsletter about how to help with slower processing when they get overwhelmed you'll find that they control other people see they don't feel like they have control inside so i'm going to be bossy with other people with my friends you will find that they cheat at games you can't play board games with these kids they're going to change the rules of the game they're going to quit they're going to cheat and it's not because they're jerky kids and it's not because they want everybody to hate them it's because if i don't feel in control of myself i will try to control everything else and the best way to control this game is too cheap because that guarantees the outcome that i win because if i don't win that makes me a loser and i already feel like a loser and i don't have a lot of confidence so i'm going to do anything it takes in order to counter that does that make sense see if you start to understand what's happening inside their brains you can see that outward behavior isn't the real issue it's what's going on inside of them because they need this control, and I don't give kids control of my home, but I do give them ownership.

[54] That's why they often eat the same food over and over again, right?

[55] Chicken nuggets and mac and cheese, they wear the same clothes because they're eliminating unknowns.

[56] They'll enforce justice.

[57] That's not fair.

[58] And they'll argue relentlessly until you acknowledge that their point is legitimate.

[59] It's why they have difficulty organizing, thoughts, and writing.

[60] Getting those thoughts from head to paper is brutally tough for your kids.

[61] Now, I'm not going to go over that in this one, but we can show you how to do that.

[62] It is in both the No BS program and an ADHD university program.

[63] It's really, really important how to do that, right?

[64] And so difficulty with transitions.

[65] Meltdowns tend to be over little things because little things throw off their sense of order.

[66] Now, if something big happens, then they can actually focus.

[67] And that's when we move on to column two.

[68] In the city that you're living in, when the traffic lights aren't working, who do they call?

[69] Well, they call police officer to come and regulate the traffic.

[70] But in this particular case, no offense meant, it's just a joke.

[71] But in this case, the cop has been drinking soda all day and maybe eating some donuts.

[72] I know it's stereotype, but whatever, go with it.

[73] And now he's on his afternoon sugar low, and he's falling asleep.

[74] deep.

[75] That's what's often happening inside your child's brain.

[76] Their brains actually get reduced blood flow.

[77] Oftentimes they are under stimulated.

[78] And that's why your kids have a need for brain stimulation.

[79] So what do we see here?

[80] What are the manifestations?

[81] Oh, we're going to get the fidgeting, doodling, bouncing their legs, tapping the pencils.

[82] And we can come up with all kinds of cool things to do instead of that.

[83] But it's important to know where that's, coming from.

[84] They're moving constantly, poor focus and attention.

[85] Why do your kids argue like attorneys and push your buttons?

[86] Part of it is they love the brain stimulation because they know exactly how to push your buttons and how you're going to respond and now they get the intensity of a grown adult arguing with them and giving all of your power to this little four or eight or 12 or 16 year old.

[87] It's a brain stimulation issue.

[88] It's why they're oppositional, right?

[89] They get bored easily.

[90] It's why they do things the hard way and it will frustrate you because you're like, why don't you just do it the normal easy way?

[91] It would be so much easier.

[92] They don't want to do it the easy way.

[93] They like doing it the hard way because it's more stimulating.

[94] That's why they chew on things, by the way.

[95] They'll chew on gum, but they'll chew on their sleeves.

[96] They chew on their shirts.

[97] They chew on anything they put in their mouths.

[98] Why?

[99] Because when you're chewing, think what's happening.

[100] Blood flow is rushing to your brain, which is awesome for kids, right?

[101] It also is, there's a sensory part of it when they're chewing, it feels good, right?

[102] And it also relieves anxiety.

[103] You'll find them at times they hum, they talk loudly, even as they complain about other people being loud, right?

[104] Easily distractible, impulsive.

[105] They procrastinate.

[106] Look, why do you procrastinate?

[107] They procrastinate because if you wait until the last minute and there's a lot of pressure, you get an adrenaline rush.

[108] And the adrenaline rush brings blood flow to the brain and actually helps you concentrate.

[109] That's why they often like to work in spurts and they work on momentum, which is really, really important.

[110] And you've heard me use this phrase, you do not manage their time.

[111] It's important to learn how to manage their energy.

[112] So the other thing happening inside this little city, and I'm not going to do this one today, but we can do it another time, is sensory pressure, right?

[113] Your body does not process sensory input correctly.

[114] And so they will either seek sensory pressure, they're hypersensitive, or they're hyposensitive, and that can really mess with them at times.

[115] So you've got to learn how their brains work.

[116] So here's what I want to talk about.

[117] I want to take one of these.

[118] In the second column, we talk about the need for brain stimulation and your kids fidgeting.

[119] And I often send out this newsletter that says, this F word is actually good, or this F word improves concentration and improves grades in school.

[120] Fidgeting is good.

[121] For a long time, schools have said, no fidgeting in my class.

[122] And what the teacher is actually doing is saying, hey, you know that thing that's actually helping you stay awake and is helping your brain actually concentrate?

[123] Stop doing it.

[124] Right?

[125] We don't want that.

[126] We want people to fidget, but we want kids to fidget in appropriate ways.

[127] There's so many studies on this.

[128] There's studies that show when you're on the phone at the office or not your home office and you're on the phone and you're doodling, that you actually listen better when you're doodling, right?

[129] So fiddling, doodling, tapping pencils, humming, singing, squirming, bouncing your legs, twirling hair, chewing on pen caps on sweatshirt tassels, right?

[130] Rocking on the chair legs, which drives you crazy, all of that movement.

[131] Is it annoying?

[132] Mm -hmm, sometimes.

[133] Is it wrong?

[134] No. Is it necessary?

[135] Absolutely.

[136] Because fidgeting is a natural healthy way for our kids to stimulate their understimulated brains to improve focus.

[137] So as long as it isn't distracting to other kids, whether it's homework time or in the classroom, it's helpful and necessary.

[138] So here are some do's and don'ts.

[139] Do not punish children for doodling, moving, fidgeting, chewing, and humming while doing homework.

[140] In fact, you should encourage this.

[141] Same as in the classroom.

[142] Multisensory stimulation.

[143] improves attention and retention.

[144] We've got those little sensory strips I talk about in hundreds of thousands of schools because they cost 12 cents each and they just work because when kids play with a textured object in their hands, which we tape underneath the desk, it helps them focus better, right?

[145] You have kids, look, work with their brains and with their hearts.

[146] You have kids who you've observed, they're always moving their hands.

[147] They're touching things with their hands.

[148] They're always fidgeting with their hands.

[149] And so what do we do as adults, both parents and teachers.

[150] Stop doing that.

[151] Hey, stop doing what comes naturally to you.

[152] No, I want to, whenever you say no to something inappropriate, you say yes to something appropriate.

[153] So how can I get them to use their hands appropriately in class, right?

[154] Allow your child to do homework while sitting on an exercise ball.

[155] Maybe they're lying over the ball with homework on the floor.

[156] Maybe they're hanging upside down off the sofa.

[157] Maybe they're out on a swing swinging while you review vocabulary words or while they're reading.

[158] I used to teach kids to read while they were swinging on a swing.

[159] Why?

[160] Because the movement and the sensory pressure and having to concentrate on trying to hold on to the swing while you're doing that stimulated their brain so much.

[161] It actually made it interesting.

[162] You can review vocabulary words and math facts while your child's jumping on a trampoline, a soccer ball playing catch with a football right all of those things rocking in a chair on the porch is a lot better than sit down at the kitchen table i'm going to stand over you and quiz you i'm going to make learning as unfun and miserable as possible right that's what we do right test having your kids do homework while listening to music Casey used to play his guitar while studying When I studied in college, I would do it while I was shooting hoops.

[163] I would shoot free throws from the foul line while I was doing it.

[164] It helped me process.

[165] So try music.

[166] Now, most of you are going to be like, well, we'll just do classical music.

[167] That's fine.

[168] If it works good.

[169] But most of your kids, many of your kids, they need some intense music to listen to.

[170] As long as it's within your boundaries of appropriateness, not your style of music because you're old like me. and you may not like their music for good reason.

[171] But let them listen to music, intense music.

[172] Allow your kids to have a snack while doing homework.

[173] Not instead of, hey, have a snack and then let's do some homework.

[174] No, let them eat while they're doing it.

[175] Perhaps they stand at the kitchen counter, chewing a snack, listening to music while they're rocking back and forth.

[176] Because that chewing brings blood flow to the brain, it creates rhythm, right?

[177] And it reduces stress.

[178] And rhythm is really important for the brain.

[179] that's why music is so good for learning.

[180] You just have to experiment.

[181] And now you're going to be like, oh, no, but my child has ADHD, so they have to have perfect quiet.

[182] No, they don't.

[183] You need perfect quiet because maybe that's how your brain works.

[184] My brain doesn't need perfect quiet.

[185] That drives me crazy.

[186] I do my best work while I am listening to really intense, horrible music.

[187] Drape a blanket over the kitchen table and make it a fort.

[188] That way the kids get to lay under the table, lie on the floor table do their homework well it's dark under there okay so we give them a flashlight that's cool maybe give them some matches and a candle see if they don't burn the house down that's stimulating they can't do that but you get my point so it just makes it fun i know kids who do homework sitting up in a tree i know with covid a lot of teenagers who will do their school work sitting out in the car put them out in the SUV out in the minivan leave them alone and sometimes it's like their little confined office because they like confined spaces and they can listen to music just try it right the homework up in a tree in the minivan is important because it's stimulating it's peaceful and parents aren't looking over their shoulders some kids do better work while smelling dinner being fixed because you're stimulating the olfactory senses right that's why you used to take kids to a coffee shopper panera bread to do their work because the olfactory stimulation can improve focus just experiment with it.

[189] Observe your kids and get to know what makes them tick.

[190] Then instead of punishing them from misunderstood behavior, you and your child's teachers will be able to work with their gifts, work with their natural inclination to how they work best, right?

[191] And so I encourage you, let's do that this week.

[192] Let's stay very focused on this.

[193] Let's work on this coming week.

[194] Let them do homework, by the way, underneath a table.

[195] Let them do schoolwork in the classroom.

[196] And I'll just, look, I got this because I just went through our ADHD University and our brain boosters programs where we trained teachers.

[197] And all I kept thinking is if every home and school in America had this insight in these strategies, our kids would be confident because there are hundreds of strategies in them to improve grades and behavior and impulse control, organization, writing, all of that stuff.

[198] I encourage you if you don't have those programs, look on our website.

[199] They're included in the birthday special.

[200] reach out to Casey at celebrate calm .com.

[201] We'll come and train teachers.

[202] If we train the teachers, we'll train the parents on the same day.

[203] And we're booking a lot of stuff now.

[204] Starting to book in the spring because COVID stuff is kind of lifting.

[205] It's getting safe again.

[206] And we're booking a lot in the fall.

[207] So anyway, if you're interested, reach out to us.

[208] But try this at home this week.

[209] Experiment.

[210] See what works.

[211] Sometimes weird stuff works.

[212] And it's really cool what you find.

[213] and it also makes it interesting for the kids watch your kids observe them enjoy your kids this week and if we can help you in any way let us know love you all bye bye