#1126 - Erik Griffin

[0] You don't want them to know.

[1] Boom.

[2] And live, Eric Griffin.

[3] So we were talking before this podcast, how you mix it up with the Android watch, but the Apple phone.

[4] It's very curious.

[5] Well, see, I used to be all Samsung.

[6] I loved the Android, and the watch is great.

[7] I love how it interacts.

[8] But then I get a girlfriend who has an iPhone.

[9] Right.

[10] And she's like, I want to face time with you.

[11] So why don't you tell it to get Skype?

[12] Yeah.

[13] Skype app.

[14] You're married?

[15] You understand.

[16] Like, you can't.

[17] Anyway.

[18] I got, I, set standards.

[19] Well, hey, I'm not the standard guy.

[20] Line is in the sand.

[21] So then I, but then they have like a, they had this app on the app, Apple now called gear, which lets you hook up your phone, but you can't really interact with it.

[22] You can't like talk or anything.

[23] But it's actually kind of nice.

[24] You just want to know stuff's going on.

[25] It's probably, yeah, we were saying it's probably better that you can't interact with it.

[26] Because Jamie was telling me that they, you could do walkie -talkie with your iPhones now.

[27] Yeah, that's still being announced right.

[28] now, so I don't know all the details, but the worldwide developers conference is going on, the WWDCs, so they're now it's the new operating system, the new Apple Watch and the new automatic workout detection, walkie -talkie mode, and something else is going on.

[29] This is just too much.

[30] I have an Apple Watch, too.

[31] I love it.

[32] You can leave it at me. At least sometimes I leave my phone.

[33] I don't bring my phone with me. Yeah.

[34] Because you can do you feel weird when you do that?

[35] Yeah.

[36] Because here's a rebel.

[37] Here's what's happening now, though.

[38] If I have my watch, when you look at your watch, what does that cue?

[39] It cues like you want to go.

[40] or you're missing out on something or I don't have any more no now when you do that it's just because you're looking at a text message so now it's just as rude as yeah it just we're not this isn't helping no it's not helping when I go if I'm looking you're talking and I go like this I'm look down and you think hey you just you have to go someplace yeah no no I just got a text too much right yeah it's got a tweet I got a retweet I'm looking at you know what are we doing what are we doing I have no idea and you know what's really weird about all this stuff the phones and how we talk everybody wants to text like you know you can you can't get people to call you right you can't get people to now and now they're putting little emojis right right and then from the emoji now they're putting like gifts of real people so this is how I feel so we're we're going in a circle yeah because we want human interaction we want connection we want to see people so now we're putting they're putting a celebrity up like this is how I feel today why don't you put how you feel today right not Chris Pat Pratt right right throw in a garbage can or something yeah this is my mood so we're we're slowly getting back to where it's going to be, we're going to actually be talking to a real person.

[41] You think so?

[42] It's going to come all the way around?

[43] I think it's going to come all the way around.

[44] What is this, Jamie?

[45] This is the new thing they showed.

[46] You're making an emoji of yourself called memeoji.

[47] They already do that with Samsung.

[48] They're ripping them off.

[49] They're working together or something.

[50] This is what I'm saying, though.

[51] We're searching if we're trying to find ways to be more ourselves.

[52] You don't need an emoji of yourself.

[53] Just do, be yourself.

[54] Sorry, they're going against each other.

[55] Oh, it takes on Samsung AR emoji.

[56] Yeah, they ripped off the idea.

[57] Cheap fucks.

[58] Taken on.

[59] Isn't that funny?

[60] Apple's always late.

[61] Apple's ripping people off.

[62] No, they were first with the iPhone.

[63] The iPhone was the first of these kind of things, the first iPhone.

[64] But, androids are real close now.

[65] They're real close.

[66] I mean, it's very debatable.

[67] But everything after that, they were late.

[68] Like on an Android, you could copy and paste on an Android.

[69] Two, three years before you could do it.

[70] on Apple.

[71] So you've always been an Android guy?

[72] I've always been an Android guy.

[73] Just get another Android.

[74] I know.

[75] I'm the man. You get an Android.

[76] You get an Android.

[77] You get an Android.

[78] We'll Skype it.

[79] It'll be me giving buying her an Android.

[80] Is there anything native to Android like the FaceTime thing?

[81] Is there something that's on the right away?

[82] No, they do.

[83] They have like they had like their own version of that.

[84] They have their own version of that.

[85] But I don't think people really use it.

[86] They have their own like Samsung video.

[87] Oh, but Samsung has one.

[88] Like, what if you have, say, like, a Google Pixel phone?

[89] Yeah, they might have.

[90] But I don't think enough people have a Google Pixel phone to make that even a thing.

[91] Oh, really?

[92] Yeah.

[93] I thought those were really popular.

[94] Are they?

[95] Who do you know?

[96] They mean one person you know that has a Google Pixel.

[97] Damn, it's a good call.

[98] Yeah.

[99] Me, I have one.

[100] You do not have a Google Pixel.

[101] I do have one.

[102] I don't use it.

[103] Yeah.

[104] Okay, so you were given a Google Pixel.

[105] No, I bought one.

[106] Why?

[107] Because I wanted to try it out.

[108] But here's what happened.

[109] I couldn't get text messages to work.

[110] This is the scam because you are hooked up to the.

[111] This, what do you show me, Jamie?

[112] So they do have it.

[113] It's with the pixel two or something.

[114] Oh, maybe it's beautiful.

[115] Android video calling.

[116] Yeah, they just.

[117] It simplifies Android video calling.

[118] Oh.

[119] Yeah.

[120] Oh, look at that.

[121] So does that only work with Android, Android to Android?

[122] Yeah, probably.

[123] Mm, okay.

[124] I don't know why they don't just work together.

[125] Why doesn't Apple and Google just work together?

[126] Well, they don't work together with text messages.

[127] My point is like, the I message thing is what fucked me. Because everybody knew that I had an iPhone.

[128] so they would send me, because they have an iPhone, they would send me an I message.

[129] And so I was sending people text messages, they're like, I'm not getting it.

[130] I'm like, send me one.

[131] And they would send me one, and I wouldn't get it.

[132] And so then I went online and looked it up, and it said, you have to disable I message.

[133] Okay, so I disable I message.

[134] Then you have to call up, you have to actually call up someone.

[135] I'm done at that point.

[136] Yeah, at that point.

[137] You have to call up someone and tell them to take your email address off of the I message, database.

[138] Okay, so I do that.

[139] And I say, take this email, why are you doing that, sir?

[140] Because I switched over to an Android phone that's like, pause.

[141] Like, I just fucking killed the queen.

[142] Like, come on.

[143] You heard an alarm go off.

[144] I'm one of millions of fucking people out there.

[145] You don't know anything about me. Why do you care?

[146] Why would you give a fuck?

[147] But they're like, they literally, the guy on the phone felt bad that I was switching over.

[148] So then it still wouldn't work.

[149] I mean, it didn't work for, I'll get like one out of three.

[150] text messages and it all happened while I was on vacation I just figured I'm gonna try this phone while I'm on vacation fuck around but you can't they got you roped in with that goddamn that I message shit no yeah that's their Apple's thing yeah because they make it free you no matter where you are in the world and all that I mean there's a lot of people have Apple a lot of I think Samsung's taken over in terms of like for Android you know yeah I love the Samsung phones they make good phones they make great phones the difference between the androids though is that Samsung does not update their software very often.

[151] They update security patches, but they don't need to.

[152] But Google Pixel phones get the latest software right when it gets released.

[153] And so like when Oreo comes out and 8 .1, all these different operating systems come out.

[154] They're better, supposedly.

[155] Yeah, for how long a week?

[156] I mean, no, it takes a long time before they come out on Samsung phones, long time, like six months sometimes.

[157] Oh, really?

[158] Yeah, it takes a long time.

[159] Well, there you go.

[160] You heard the breaking news right here.

[161] Well, maybe that's what the problem was.

[162] Yeah, but also, Samsung puts their own shit over Android, and the real Android dorks want pure Android.

[163] And pure Android you really only get with the pixel.

[164] Unless you can, are you, do you know about, how do you, like, can you hack them?

[165] You can hack them, right?

[166] Yeah, like how you use, what do they call it?

[167] Like you jailbreak your iPhone and all that kind of stuff.

[168] They've made that just common now.

[169] Because it used to be, like, they would lock it down where, like, let's say you had Verizon.

[170] so you could only use this phone on Verizon with Verizon stuff and then you would jailbreak it and you could like open it up to like all these other types of apps if they would stop being greedy fucks just stop being so greedy let me use my phone however I want I'm still gonna be on your system I'm still paying your you know $200 a month for your stupid phone service but you I can't do a little extra a little extra just a little extra don't get me started on this I'm getting you started I know I just motherfuckers I can't believe the shit we have to deal with Eric Griffin.

[171] God damn it.

[172] That is weird, though, man. It's like, it's weird.

[173] There's only, there's only, like, two operating systems.

[174] They're competing side to side.

[175] But that's how we are in our country.

[176] We can only, Republican or Democrat, Apple or Android.

[177] Do you remember Windows phone?

[178] Windows phone wasn't bad.

[179] Was it?

[180] It wasn't that bad.

[181] I had a friend who had a Windows phone.

[182] I was like, oh, this is kind of cool.

[183] It had tiles.

[184] It was like Windows.

[185] 10, you know how Windows 10 looks with tiles?

[186] That's like a came and went.

[187] Nobody cares about that.

[188] Came and went.

[189] Look at you.

[190] It's just like, I can't deal with, I don't want to hear what you, everybody's trying to get into the phone game.

[191] Right.

[192] It's like, no, thank you.

[193] What's crazy is how many people have Windows computers.

[194] It's amazing that Windows had a phone and people like, nah.

[195] Yeah, well, because they know all the problems they had with their, with their computer.

[196] Yeah.

[197] I stopped.

[198] I can't even remember the last time I had a Windows computer.

[199] I strictly went Apple, because it's just so easy to use.

[200] use.

[201] Right.

[202] And it's still not easy to use.

[203] You know what's not easy, though?

[204] Apple does not have good keyboards.

[205] Like, if you have a desktop keyboard at home and you can add a second keyboard, you know, like buy a mechanical keyboard.

[206] Oh, right, right.

[207] But if you're a writer, if you like to write, the problem with Apple keyboards is there's no key travel.

[208] It's very, very shallow.

[209] So it's like just a tiny movement.

[210] Click, click, click, click.

[211] What I use is I use a think pad.

[212] And then one of the reasons why I use the think pad is there's like travel to these keys.

[213] Like these keys have motion to them.

[214] Okay.

[215] Like if you...

[216] You're old school.

[217] Yeah.

[218] Well, the thing is you feel where the keys are.

[219] You feel.

[220] Like, so as you're typing, I can just look at the screen and I don't have to look down at the keyboard.

[221] And they depress with your fingers.

[222] Like, you have, there's motion to it.

[223] So there's no accidental pressing of the keys.

[224] Did you take typing in high school?

[225] Yes.

[226] I don't remember any of it.

[227] it though yeah me too my high school year was the last year that they had typing at my school really yeah i remember last year they they were saying like this is no longer because they had a computer class that they were starting i just thought damn like i look back on this things and i just go wow the how times have changed our generation is this like generation that was like we went through the first of all of these things i had a commodore 64 did you yes i remember the first apple laptop.

[228] I remember like when game systems changed and color TV and call waiting and like all the things that we, you know, there's answering machines.

[229] And they're no more answering machines and yeah, could you even buy an answering machine today?

[230] 9 -7 -6 numbers and you know like all of that stuff was like, you're sex lines.

[231] Yeah, yeah.

[232] Yeah.

[233] You could call like, oh God, I got in trouble one time.

[234] Like thank God I was calling a Christmas.

[235] I was going to call the Christmas one first and then I was gonna call a sex one and then i called the christmas one first and then my mom picks up the other line and i hang up and then my mom's like erika are you talking to santa claus oh shit how old are you i was like i don't like 13 or something like that you know like just getting into your you know so like even just even how we find porn is different now like yeah you know so like when i'm like i'm thinking about you talking about just keyboard it still has a little bit of old school to it has an old school feel to what you're saying you know you still have a anytime somebody's using windows I know it's like, oh, they're connected to the past still.

[236] Well, I just switched over to it recently when I fucked around with a think pad one day and I was like, wow, this keyboard is so much better because I have a MacBook too, one of the new MacBook pros.

[237] You just can't handle it.

[238] It's just not good.

[239] It's just not a good keyboard.

[240] It's shit.

[241] It's not just bad.

[242] It's shit.

[243] It's shit.

[244] And there's no options.

[245] Like, if you want a laptop, they don't give you options for keyboards.

[246] Yeah, you can't customize it.

[247] No, and you can't get it.

[248] a different one.

[249] Like, if you want Windows, you can get an Asus, you can get a Lenovo.

[250] You can get, you mean, there's a shit ton.

[251] There's a shit ton.

[252] There's can get a Dell.

[253] With your desktop, though, I have on IMac.

[254] You can you hook up.

[255] Sure.

[256] Yeah, with a desktop.

[257] But the problem is, most of my shit, I go on the, oh, third class action lawsuit over MacBook Pro keyboard, alleged is fraudulent concealment.

[258] This guy's a research king right here.

[259] But look at that keyboard.

[260] Look how fucking shallow those keys are.

[261] That's bullshit.

[262] Well, it's to keep it thin, man. But it doesn't matter.

[263] That's bad for a writer.

[264] If you're a writer that's a shitty design remember how thick do yeah but make it a little thicker jesus christ who gives a fuck if it's a extra half a millimeter if you have good keyboard feel i mean it depends on what you're doing if you're the type of person just writes an email every now and then but i fucking write i need a keyboard i feel you man i need it so i sometimes they could take a beating too yeah i still fuck around with that when i you know i still have it so i fuck around with that if I travel, if I go online, if I'm just, just web surfing, it's fine for that.

[265] But it sucks a fat one when it deals with, why did you get a text message?

[266] Yeah, I'm already getting, like, you know, messages about this, you know what I mean?

[267] It's just coming to the phone, you know.

[268] My phone's going to like, the only time my phone is blown up like this before is when Justin Bieber posted a picture with him.

[269] And you?

[270] Yeah, on his Instagram.

[271] And then my phone was shaking, shaking for a month straight.

[272] Like if I turn on the notification I say, you guys, nobody believe me, let me turn on their notifications and I put it down like this and it's just like I'm talking about thousands of notifications.

[273] That guy could topple a government if he really wanted to like, if it got political.

[274] That's a problem.

[275] I mean, that's what we're dealing with with Trump.

[276] A famous person who becomes the president.

[277] I mean, this little kid is only 24, right?

[278] What the fuck out?

[279] Is he even 24?

[280] Yeah, he just turned 24, yeah.

[281] Okay.

[282] Jamie's hating.

[283] Jamie's hating.

[284] No, he's not.

[285] It's actually a good kid.

[286] You know, he really is.

[287] But if I gave you $100 million and no parental supervision, you'd do some dumb shit, too.

[288] You'd do way worse.

[289] Listen, right now I would do a lot of dumb shit if you gave me $100 million.

[290] Just out of nowhere.

[291] At a nowhere.

[292] Yeah.

[293] He's done well.

[294] For what he is, you know, the kind of fame that that guy possesses, he's off the charts, famous.

[295] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[296] But then so was Trump.

[297] Trump was super famous.

[298] Super, super famous.

[299] This is why we can't get rid of the electoral college, though, by the way, not to get political.

[300] It does help, but, I mean, did he rigged that?

[301] I mean, didn't rig it, but played the game well.

[302] But you can't have a popularity contest.

[303] But it is a popularity contest, no matter what, even with the electoral college.

[304] You just have to be popular in Iowa, popular in Ohio, and know how to do that.

[305] Just go over there and talk about Muslims.

[306] Shake your fist.

[307] Why don't we, I still don't understand why we don't just have online voting.

[308] Absolutely.

[309] Or like, or with their phone.

[310] Like, you have to have a phone, and then you register your phone so that I -M -I -E numbers.

[311] that your phone has is strictly for you.

[312] They already have, what do you call it, like facial recognition software.

[313] You could, your phones have fingerprint.

[314] So there's like three different ways to like register and then you'll get everyone's vote.

[315] I always say votes should be like Columbia DVD how.

[316] Remember Columbia DVDs?

[317] Oh, they would just send them.

[318] They would just send them.

[319] So if you're a Republican, right, then your vote goes to the Republican until you go, I don't want this Republican.

[320] I wonder what the numbers of people that, if people don't know what we're talking about with Columbia DVD because we're old, but back in the day, you would sign up for like cassette tapes and they would send you a bunch of cassettes like you'd pick.

[321] It was like, book club, too.

[322] Yeah, that too.

[323] But they would send them to you, but it was only like a dollar.

[324] And you'd get like 15 cassettes.

[325] You know, you'd get like Aerosmith and is it still a brand?

[326] Yeah, it's still on.

[327] Get the fuck out of here.

[328] No, but check it out.

[329] They finally made it so they don't just send it automatically because people were, people, people.

[330] were quitting the service.

[331] But they would just send you, so you would pay, and you had, like, say, three days, and if you didn't send it back, they would charge you to $9.

[332] Right.

[333] So that's what I'm saying about voting.

[334] This is how we should vote.

[335] $35.

[336] Like, that page right there he's showing us should be, like, all your candidates for Democrat.

[337] And if you don't, you have three days to pick, and if you don't pick, your vote goes to them.

[338] That's how they should do it.

[339] Show me what you just showed me?

[340] What are you doing?

[341] What did you show me?

[342] I clicked on the details.

[343] What does it say?

[344] It says it's $35 for, like, two?

[345] Something like that.

[346] Okay, free shipping is only eligible for orders of two and more DVDs with a subtotal of $35.

[347] Pre -orders are not eligible for free shipping.

[348] I don't know.

[349] Okay, so they say that's free shipping, but it's not free shipping.

[350] Is that what they're doing?

[351] And they say it's $9 .95 each, but that's more than $35.

[352] Look, free shipping on two plus DVDs, but the DVDs are $9 .95.

[353] So two plus is what?

[354] Four, because it has to be more than $35.

[355] You fucking crooks.

[356] They're all crooks.

[357] The record companies are so gross.

[358] Dude, I've been talking to people.

[359] I had Stephen Tyler in here was explaining what happens now with streaming services.

[360] That was great, by the way.

[361] Oh, thank you.

[362] He's great, right?

[363] Yes.

[364] He's a trip.

[365] Fascinating.

[366] Fascinating.

[367] I mean, you want to talk about a guy who's seeing it all.

[368] I'm never surprised when someone like that with that type of personality, I'm not surprised that you see the kind of life and career he's had.

[369] Yeah.

[370] Those people aren't, they're a notch above the norm.

[371] Yeah, he's definitely a notch above the norm.

[372] He's super sweet guy, too.

[373] to everybody just all hugging everybody and real friendly he's already had his time of being like yeah I'm sure there was a time in his life where he's a super dick you think so come on dude some guys hang on to that famous you don't get that famous at the time when people are treating you like just a god you know everywhere he went I mean the rock star I bet that was the pinnacle rock star right a list a list actor professional athlete that's the order but do you think they have to be dicks no no no do you think they become just because here's my theory about that is that the fame that level of fame is overwhelming people grabbing at you all the time so you just develop this dicky thing just to keep people to fuck away from you yes like if you get to that I would imagine like that Michael Jordan or even Bieber I mean that there's a level where you can't go anywhere listen I've been I've been around Bieber yeah what's it like he's not I don't he's never alone he's always got somebody there right I don't think he trusts anyone and that level of fame where you're just also used to, you know, get me a water, get the car.

[374] Right.

[375] I want to go here.

[376] When you get used to, that becomes normal.

[377] Just telling people.

[378] Just telling people what to do becomes normal.

[379] Listen, dude, I was at a party, and he was there, and he's like playing his music for his new album.

[380] And he just looks at me and he says, hey, can you give me a vodka?

[381] He says, give me a vodka thing.

[382] And then I went, I was like, oh, okay.

[383] I was so mad at myself Because I'm over here like I gotta get Bach, you know Excuse me Justin needs a Baca Everybody got the way I gotta get this Baca for Justin Yeah and then when I gave it to him I thought I should have said no I thought Yeah I just said bitch get your own vodka Fuck if I'm 40 some years old Yeah what the fuck are you doing?

[384] Playing piano You know Dude same thing I was at The Laugh Factory And he was there he was watching and then Scooter who's a buddy of mine Scooter Braun you know Scooter comes down you know and he says hey yeah Erica Justin would like to see you and I at first I was like you don't summon a walk wait you don't summon me but of course I was like all right let's go you know I went and then like and then I saw him too and I was like I realized like because I'm a nerd this way I mean I'm a fan of all types of music so I think the kid's dynamic I think I don't think it's a surprise that he's just famous, you know what I mean?

[385] People get on him, just by the way, in defense of Bieber real fast, you can't tell somebody they're great since they're eight years old.

[386] Right.

[387] You can't, eight years old, you're great.

[388] You're great.

[389] When he's nine, you're great.

[390] When he's 10, you're great.

[391] When he's 11, you're great.

[392] Think about that.

[393] Then at 13 is probably when he first went, well, am I?

[394] Yeah.

[395] And then 15, he was like, I'm not great.

[396] I am great.

[397] At 18, I'm fucking great.

[398] And then when he finally says it, then that's when everybody goes, Whoa, bro.

[399] Tone it down.

[400] It's too late.

[401] The monster's already been let loose.

[402] Well, he's already mature, right?

[403] He's already become an actual adult.

[404] And he probably has no come left in his body at any given time.

[405] He's just, he's shooting loads all day long.

[406] It's just recovery time for him.

[407] If he tweeted, I need some pussy tonight.

[408] Oh, out of control.

[409] It would be like American Idol auditions.

[410] It would be crazy than that.

[411] Have you seen that Guatemalan volcano eruption?

[412] Have you seen that?

[413] Where people are running from the smog?

[414] It's fucking crazy.

[415] It would be girls, guys.

[416] It wouldn't even just be, you know?

[417] It would be like that much pussy coming down the mountain headed towards you.

[418] It's, that Guatemala eruption is fucking scary, man. There's nothing like that in comedy other than Chris Delia.

[419] Yeah, he's close.

[420] He's close.

[421] But even that, look at this, Guatemala.

[422] Most violent eruption in more than 100 years.

[423] 25 people already dead.

[424] I think it just happened yesterday.

[425] It's fucking crazy, man. Dozens of people have died after erupted, yeah, Sunday.

[426] The Earth is getting back at us.

[427] Dude, that's two, right?

[428] Hawaii and this one.

[429] I mean, we've got to be real fucking careful.

[430] I'm surprised New Zealand hasn't had a couple of eruptions.

[431] Oh, do they have like a live volcano in New Zealand?

[432] I just know they, I think, can you dump, fact check this, but I think New Zealand has the most volcanoes in the world?

[433] What?

[434] Yeah.

[435] Really?

[436] Yeah, yeah.

[437] I was just there.

[438] God, how pretty is that?

[439] You go on one of those tours, and they're like, you know.

[440] What did you do over there?

[441] there.

[442] Well, I went to the Cook Islands.

[443] Ooh, Captain Cook Islands?

[444] Yeah, the Cook Islands.

[445] Where the pirates showed up?

[446] Beautiful vacation.

[447] And there's no Americans, which is what I love.

[448] You know, I can't stand going someplace, and it's just all -American.

[449] Like, I don't go to Ensenada, and, you know, you might as well go to Venice Beach, you know.

[450] Right, right.

[451] I don't want to be around the same time.

[452] That's how Maui is.

[453] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[454] I don't like going to Hawaii either.

[455] Maui is basically Beverly Hills.

[456] Yeah.

[457] Beverly Hills got in a jet.

[458] Yeah.

[459] Volcano map of New Zealand.

[460] Jesus Christ.

[461] Yeah, see?

[462] Oh, his fucking volcanoes.

[463] One, two, three, four, five, six, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, seventeen, eighteen, eighteen, eighteen, eight, is that right?

[464] You, look, you can't lie on this show, because this guy's going to fact -checked you right away.

[465] Yeah.

[466] God, that is insane.

[467] But I'm telling you right now, beautiful vacation.

[468] Oh, I bet.

[469] I didn't like, actually, like, New Zealand, like, I went to Uckland.

[470] I thought I'm driving around downtown L .A. Or, like, Seattle or something.

[471] I didn't like the city.

[472] I'm not a city guy.

[473] like this kind of shit like outdoors nature beaches yeah well the nature there is stunning i want to look out my the hotel window and the the sliding door and like there's sand and then like the water's like right there or mountains yeah exactly something rainforest yeah something something something that's different from this urban jungle that we live in all the time you've been to costa rica i have been oh god just went to costa rica with my girlfriend uh we just started to get together and it was it was good and bad.

[474] Just trying to get together.

[475] You took it to Costa Rica.

[476] Yeah.

[477] Well, I mean, we were, I mean, it was.

[478] It was too soon.

[479] Boom.

[480] How long were you guys dating?

[481] It was too soon, I thought.

[482] Maybe we'd like four or five months, you know, but it was like Christmas time, and I'm with her.

[483] I'm like, let me make this special.

[484] So we go to Costa Rica, you know, I'd do it up.

[485] And she went Christian with you and not the family.

[486] Yeah, well, she's Jewish, so.

[487] Oh, there you go.

[488] Yeah.

[489] So, you know, they're all monsters.

[490] How dare you?

[491] You've got to be careful with that kind of talk in this day and age.

[492] I don't know.

[493] There is.

[494] People are getting after people.

[495] Career is over.

[496] No, just teasing.

[497] My girlfriend is Jewish.

[498] She was a beautiful family.

[499] So she was like, I don't care about Christmas anyway, so let's go.

[500] But I don't go see my mom who moved to, my parents just moved to Malaga.

[501] Where's that?

[502] In Spain.

[503] Oh, Jesus.

[504] They moved to like the southern tip of Spain.

[505] You know, they went on a cruise one day, stopped in Malaga, and then my mom's like, we've got to come back here.

[506] Cost of living is so low.

[507] Like, they're living like kings over there.

[508] Like a great two -bedroom condo with, like, a great two -bedroom condo with, Like a Malibu -type view, 600 euro a month.

[509] What?

[510] Yeah, dude, I'm telling you right now.

[511] That's crazy.

[512] You got to look up to cost of living in Spain.

[513] It's crazy.

[514] A lot of people from Britain, they retire in Spain because our money goes a lot further.

[515] Oh, I've heard that.

[516] I've heard that people go there to avoid taxes from France.

[517] Yeah, it's a lot of stuff, man. So we go to Costa Rica, and it was fine.

[518] It was great.

[519] It was one of these resorts where, like, you could get room service 24 hours.

[520] Order what you want.

[521] It's all covered in the thing.

[522] But I got sick, Joe.

[523] Oh, no. And I knew it was diarrhea sick or what kind of sick?

[524] It was every hole in my body, something was coming out of it.

[525] Okay, and then I was in bed, I was telling her, I said, I don't feel good.

[526] And I made, and as a comic, I'm making it, I made a joke at her that she didn't appreciate.

[527] She was mad at me about this joke.

[528] So I'm also telling her like, look, I'm feeling well.

[529] And then it happened.

[530] I get up and I had to vomit.

[531] And then there was nothing, I had vomited my hands.

[532] I run to the bathroom.

[533] And then it's just like, it's coming out of both holes.

[534] like just and this is going on for all night I'm just I'm dead and the way she was acting oh my god she was acting she was like you're ruining the trail so at the time I was like but we weren't as close as we are now we've we've since resolved the issue and but at the time I was like I can't be with somebody that's not going to look right she ordered room service while I was sick while you were sick wow she was already writing it off Yeah, yeah.

[535] She's like, well, I'm going to go ahead and get...

[536] I'm going to have a fucking cheeseburger.

[537] Then that was making me more sick, the food smell.

[538] So I'm outside.

[539] But then she was like, I was mad at you for your jokes and like, you know, I always tell that she goes, she said to me one day, you know, my brothers, they used to tease me all the time when I was growing up.

[540] Then I said, then why'd you get with a comic?

[541] Yeah.

[542] Something's going on.

[543] You know how we say we get with our mother, you know, whatever the qualities are.

[544] So I think whatever you're close to in your life So she's accustomed to people giving her a hard time Even though she didn't like it She just went with you So I'm we're trying to balance it out You know this gotta be compromised You gotta meet you know what I mean If she's here and you're here You gotta go like this Ever is when you just start dating someone And you go on a vacation with them And it goes sour And you're stuck with them For like five days in some spot And it usually happens by the way On the plane ride over There's something that happens on the plane where you're like, oh, I don't like you.

[545] And we're going to be on this plane for six more hours.

[546] And then you know you're going to get to this hotel.

[547] I mean, that's why you have to be compatible with somebody before you travel.

[548] Make sure.

[549] Oh, yeah.

[550] You have to make sure, like, even things like I want to go out and do things.

[551] Maybe if you're an outdoorsy person and you want to leave the hotel.

[552] Or maybe you're not.

[553] Maybe you're a person that wants to take advantage of everything in the hotel.

[554] Or you're on vacation and you want to chill.

[555] That has to be established.

[556] Or you're going to be in a situation where you're like, What are we still doing in the hotel?

[557] Right.

[558] Or the other person's like, I don't want to go.

[559] Why are we going out?

[560] I like Margaritas down the beach.

[561] I decided to drink margaritas and then fall asleep.

[562] And hear the waves.

[563] We survived, though.

[564] We survived it.

[565] She made you change your phone, though.

[566] It's kind of fucked up.

[567] I know.

[568] That was the compromise.

[569] Soon as it's over, bro.

[570] As soon as it's over.

[571] Back to Sam's, right back to San.

[572] Aren't you?

[573] I'm going to be the Andrew.

[574] Yeah.

[575] I don't know if it's going to be over.

[576] We're coming up on a year.

[577] Ooh, shit.

[578] Yeah, we're coming up on a year.

[579] But I hear people, you know what it is?

[580] People like you, it's your fucking fault.

[581] It can work.

[582] You're on stage talking about your great family and just how you deal with it.

[583] Yeah, you think about these things, man. How old do you know?

[584] I'm 46.

[585] So you're thinking about shooting live ones in there?

[586] I'm thinking about like, you know what?

[587] Maybe it's time.

[588] You know what it is?

[589] It's like once I'm not super successful, but I've enjoyed my career.

[590] And now I'm like, oh, I enjoy this.

[591] I want to share this with someone that really cares about me. And one thing I'll say first, she, she, she, I feel the love.

[592] That's awesome.

[593] Yeah, I really do feel the love.

[594] She's a very loving woman, very beautiful.

[595] And so she got used to you after a while and understands your jokingness and appreciates you, knows you're a good guy.

[596] I'll tell you something that she did that this is why we've been talking about her right now.

[597] Something that she moved me, Joe.

[598] The other day, we were having a like a little fight.

[599] A little fight?

[600] And then it was obviously I was like, we're not communicating, I told her.

[601] You know what she did?

[602] She downloaded communicating with your man. audiobook and she and we sat and listened to it together and it was like that's where i quit i'm out but check it check this no but check i changed my phone number through my phone on the ocean it was like it was like it was like the guy that wrote the book was talking about her that was the best part about it he was like it would be like something like you know you know what you shouldn't do with your man is don't have a a look on your face of disgust when you when you're mad it was like all these things And then there was one moment where I'm going like this.

[603] I have my hands in the air.

[604] And it was like, if your man's body language, if he has his hands in the air, that's your time to back off.

[605] And I was like, did you date this guy?

[606] Because he's talking about you right now.

[607] You know what I mean?

[608] But I thought the gesture of being like, hey, I need to improve.

[609] I need to like change how I feel or like, you know, let me look at self, self -reflect.

[610] That act of that self -reflection with her, that was, that's special.

[611] speak volumes for her and her character.

[612] And it really made me go, okay, you really want to you want to make this work.

[613] That's awesome.

[614] Yeah.

[615] So I said, okay, I want to make it work too.

[616] How old is she?

[617] 29.

[618] Oh, okay.

[619] Yeah, so she's at that age.

[620] I should not have said that.

[621] No, it's good age.

[622] I'm going to be so much trouble.

[623] Why?

[624] You're not supposed to tell her.

[625] I'm not supposed to tell her.

[626] Like, she won't, well, the cat's out the bag now, so fuck it, right?

[627] You didn't say her name.

[628] You can just go to my Instagram.

[629] You're going to say, oh my God.

[630] I'm so, got me in trouble.

[631] age.

[632] She's a young lady.

[633] I know.

[634] I know, but that's part of the problem.

[635] You know what I mean?

[636] But no, but she, no, because she, she doesn't want people to know.

[637] Right.

[638] So she wants, she wants people to know, she thinks she's 23.

[639] So I said, hey, that makes me look like a creeper.

[640] A creeper.

[641] Even this age difference is a little iffy, right?

[642] So, like, it's weird how we just make rules as to how old someone can be to be with someone else.

[643] But it changes after a while, right?

[644] like once you get like if the dude is like 90 and the woman's 50 we don't give a fuck whatever no no I don't know what I always say to me it's like it's got to be 30 like you know like she's at the cusp of it I think like I think once the woman gets to like 28 29 30 in that age range then this the other part it doesn't matter depending on what they got going on in their life but age it's not about the age it's about experience level it's about where are you in your life.

[645] So one thing I struggle with is that, like, look, I'm knee -deep in my career.

[646] But I remember when I was 30, I wasn't doing this.

[647] I was, right.

[648] I just started.

[649] You were hustling.

[650] I was hustling at, so I go, I have to remember that.

[651] This is her hustle years.

[652] So you started doing stand -up at 30?

[653] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[654] That's a late start, right?

[655] I started, I went to a comedy class when I was in my early 20s, because my mom's one of the supportive women.

[656] I said, hey mom I think I want to be a comedian next day I'm signed up at at UCLA Extension you know with a notebook and like she's like here's a nope yeah that's all my mom if I said I want to be a rock if I said I want to be a rock climber my mom was like okay she go she would have bought ropes and like hook me up with the because she wanted me out of the fucking house you know she wanted me like when I was young you know so I went to the class taught by Sandy Shore oh Jesus yeah I was I thought I thought this is going to be it her mom her mom owns the comedy store I'm going to make it.

[657] How bad was the advice?

[658] Look at you.

[659] This motherfucker right here, boy.

[660] Joe Rogan trying to start shit.

[661] Excuse me. How good was the advice?

[662] I wasn't good.

[663] I misspoke.

[664] Can I tell you this?

[665] This is a, I really, I need, I suggest to anyone.

[666] If you want to be a comic, go to one comedy class.

[667] Just for the comfort of the environment and the support.

[668] Go to one comedy class.

[669] class but after that you got to get out there to the open mics and you got to do it on your own but I suggest one comedy class there's nothing wrong with it's nothing wrong with it so I went and I loved that and then by the way the showcase for the graduation was at the comedy store in the OR so the first time I ever did stand -up comedy was in the OR at the comedy store you know what year was this it was like 90 something man it was like 92 93 and you know what I remember specifically it was like after our show they just rolled into the O -R show.

[670] First guy on stage, Carlos Mincea.

[671] Wow.

[672] And he goes on.

[673] And at the time, he was like, you know, Taco Bell and, you know.

[674] Just at that time, he was like, just that phrase at the time he was like, Taco Bell.

[675] You know, that is fucking hilarious.

[676] And I remember watching him, and at the time, at the time, I remember watching him thinking, I think I can do this, you know?

[677] Because I had a great set.

[678] I had a great first set.

[679] You know how that goes.

[680] It's supportive people in the crowd.

[681] And I'm, you know, My funny, hacky jokes that I was doing at the time, just my new, what I thought was new.

[682] I even remember one of my jokes was like, I was like, how come you can't recognize Superman?

[683] And then I would take my glasses off, you know, like, I'll be like, look, I'm Clark Kent, take him off.

[684] Superman, you know, that was like, I thought that was hilarious at the time.

[685] No black people on Jeopardy.

[686] That was another one of my jokes.

[687] That's a good one.

[688] Yeah.

[689] So I had like, you know, I had black categories on Jeopardy, you know, blind singers, barbecue holidays.

[690] You know, I had, I was killing back then with that shit, man. So isn't it brutal, though, when you go to a real show with that shit and you just, it's crickets, but you're like, but on an open mic night, it's weird, right?

[691] Like, there's open mic night material where it does okay on open mic nights.

[692] And you're like, this is some good material.

[693] I just got to develop it.

[694] I don't even think it's even open mic.

[695] I think even worse is doing it in front of a crowd.

[696] You know, this is what happens to get, we're getting sidetrack, but I love it.

[697] You know, when you go into middle America, when you first were coming up and you were still a major headliner and then like the local guy will be there.

[698] Right.

[699] That local guy is now going to be on Joe Rogan's show in Iowa, and he's going to be performing in front of two or three hundred people.

[700] Right.

[701] That type of hacking material is going to kill with those people.

[702] Then that person now thinks that this is how you do it, and they bring that to L .A. and New York.

[703] And then they're like, how come this isn't working?

[704] And then they're seeing like a thousand other comics talking about the same subjects, and then they don't realize how they have to find some originality in what they're doing.

[705] and that's the hard part that's the hard part there's not a lot of subjects to talk about you know you're not the first comment to get married and have daughters right but this experience that you had is personal to you and conveying that is the hard part right you know and so people kind of go just surface with their material it's hard to delve deeper you know it's hard to have the confidence to drag a subject out too like when you first start out like you your premises are so short and then you go from one short premise to another short premise and then it becomes a it becomes a bit and the bit becomes a you know a set and then now you're talking about often tell comics like that it's like music you know if you heard a if you heard like a neptunes beat you can hear it from a mile the way you can know when you hear it you go oh i bet you the neptunes uh produce that track or premiere you know the DJ premiere right he would produce a beat and you'd be oh that's a premier beat your comic your comedy is the same way when you're working on things you work on it in your way that if you looked at all your material you might now see the common thread and that's how you put together an act right 30 minutes 40 minutes that's how you're able to talk about a subject for so long because we've now woven together these thoughts that we don't think are connected But when we look at them, we go, oh, I'm actually, this subject actually flows into this, and it connects very nicely.

[706] So that's what was going on.

[707] So I'm watching, again, I'm watching Mncia at the time.

[708] I'm just a young kid.

[709] I don't know what to do next.

[710] I just had a great set, I thought, and now I'm looking at these professionals, and I saw Mncia.

[711] And at that particular time, I was like, I saw him.

[712] And when he talked about Taco Bell and stuff, I thought, you know, I think I could do this, you know?

[713] and then he brought up Chris Tucker and Chris Tucker went on stage and I thought to myself I don't think I could do this just the way he was so like with his voice man you know just Chris Tucker was on fire back then yeah just his whole persona and I thought I didn't know and I didn't know what to do so I floundered around I did open mics so you got nervous when you saw Chris Tucker yes I did it was so powerful it was just so it was something special about what he was doing and I just thought I don't know if I don't I just was I didn't have to it at that time man I was so just nervous and scared and arrogant too because I was a funny guy so then I would go to open mics and then the same people doing the same shit over and over and over again then I wouldn't go to another open mic for another four weeks and then I see the same people and I thought how do you get from here how do you get on the you know this I didn't know I didn't know there was no mentors right there was no people going like let me help you with this you know you couldn't even talk to someone like of your stature at all like you know at the time you couldn't just be some open micer and by the way they shouldn't do that you know what I mean like you know at the comedy store and some dude comes up to you you're just kind of like what do you want to talk to me about right now dude like you just started I always approach I think especially when they work there as door guys I feel like everybody's just a comic that's different that's different but like there's is a sort of but even still like it's like I don't know if it's so appropriate for a door guy to come up to you and be like yo can I open for you at Irvine you know I don't some guy just did that the other day.

[714] Bitch, I don't know you.

[715] I don't know you at all.

[716] No, I have friends.

[717] By the way, I used to do that.

[718] Did you?

[719] Yeah, I used to do that.

[720] I remember Johnny, you know Johnny Sanchez?

[721] Sure.

[722] First was coming up.

[723] I went to John's, Johnny, let me over for you.

[724] I'm a juggernaut.

[725] Is that what you say?

[726] I told him I was a juggernaut.

[727] I said, I'm trying to bury these headliners, man. That's what I was trying to, I thought.

[728] That's what you thought you were supposed to do.

[729] Did you check his watch?

[730] Oh, look at the time.

[731] Yeah.

[732] So he's teased me ever since.

[733] since this is 20 you know 15 years later he's still teasing me about it but um you know so i didn't know what i was doing you know i didn't know how to well what are you supposed to do man there's no clear path it's not like being a doctor there's no right or wrong way either you know i didn't know that's true too especially i grew up in l -a i was born and raised in l -a so i'm in l -a trying to get on a stage where i go to the lap like i was telling you earlier i i saw you at the laugh factory with hair you know and just like uh man you were on stage stage like I'm not like you were just giving it you there's a certain energy you had about what you were talking about that I was like damn what happened to this guy like I remember the first thought it was like man some woman hurt him that's hilarious or something something something happened and I thought I don't know if I've tapped into that yet I thought at the time I don't know if I've tapped into that so it took a long time for me to realize oh no this is what I want to do And, like, I was 30.

[734] Well, everybody's different, you know, like some people go up there and they're excited and angry about shit.

[735] And some people go up there and they're mellow and that's the funny part.

[736] You know, they're chilled out, slow, slow punchlines, you know.

[737] But even if you.

[738] Like Segura, perfect example.

[739] Just could tell a story and have you captivated.

[740] Yeah, there's no anger.

[741] Yeah.

[742] There's no, like, screaming emotions.

[743] Segura's just chilled out.

[744] But don't you find yourself, have you ever gone up and have been a. because you have a way of performing, like, you know, you have a, you know, it's jail mode, you know.

[745] You're on there, it's going to be powerful, and you're like really, and then have you ever just gone on and kind of like not done it that way?

[746] But then now you get laughed at a completely different point in your set.

[747] With the new material for sure.

[748] Yeah, because you're trying to find the, you know.

[749] You're trying to find the beats.

[750] I set material up to fail sometimes.

[751] Like I'll go into a bit slower and I'll go into a bit more casual and try to ramp it up.

[752] rather than like try to make it like sometimes when you get a new bit especially when you first start out you're like this bit is shaky let me just get it out of the gate with a lot of momentum so that i can kind of coast with it but sometimes i'll i'll say all right well this bit might be all just bullshit or what tom calls tom's a girl calls them dance moves yeah i used to call it english english on the cube ball because sometimes you're just you're hamming it up but the substance isn't there i know exactly what you're doing that thing that you do that no makes people laugh yeah yeah yeah it's really doing It's really difficult for me because I'm just a funny -looking guy, you know?

[753] I mean, I accept it, you know, I'm not a looker, you know what I mean?

[754] I'm cute, you know what I'm saying?

[755] You're handsome fella and I like your mustache.

[756] Yeah, I know my qualities, right?

[757] But I know that like that I could do a thing that they're going to, are they laughing at what I'm talking about?

[758] Like, are they with me emotionally or are they with me intellectually?

[759] Or are they just going like, ah, this guy's funny.

[760] Right.

[761] And it's hard to recognize that.

[762] Yeah.

[763] Right.

[764] Like, what do you want from them?

[765] Do you want to connect with them?

[766] Do you want them to laugh?

[767] Do you want both?

[768] Do you want them to appreciate you?

[769] They just, you just want them to have a good time.

[770] Or do you even want them to laugh at how you are connected to what you're talking about?

[771] Because that's different, too.

[772] Yeah.

[773] Like, if you're a political comic, people might laugh that, like, how passionate you are about being a libertarian or how passionate you are about, you know, being an atheist.

[774] Right.

[775] Maybe they don't agree with you, or maybe they do agree with you.

[776] But they just, they're laughing at how you are connected to what you're saying.

[777] And I think that that's another element.

[778] That's a whole other thing.

[779] You know, I look at all my friends that, you know, we have a lot of peers, our friends that we just go, like, they all have something different in that way.

[780] Yep.

[781] You know, and it's an amazing thing to watch.

[782] It's a crazy art form because nobody could tell you how to do it.

[783] It's not like any other art form.

[784] Yeah, it really.

[785] You know, like if you went into music or I went into music, like we could be in a rock band.

[786] or you could be in a blues band, or you could, like, country music, and everybody would be clearly defined.

[787] Yeah.

[788] But you just do stand -up.

[789] Yeah.

[790] It's just stand -up.

[791] I mean, there's no categories.

[792] You know what's funny about that, though, is.

[793] I know that there's no categories, but I do think that it is similar to music in that we're not going to change the rules of communication.

[794] Right.

[795] And I think that's where people get in the way.

[796] So, like, when you're on a piano, you're not going to make new chords.

[797] It's still going to be A, B, C, D ,G.

[798] You know what I mean?

[799] And certain chords, when they go together, are not going to sound good.

[800] No matter what, you're not going to reinvent the wheel.

[801] So I think the baseline of comedy is like just being able to communicate your points.

[802] And I think when you're a person that can communicate your points and they're solid and clear, then the jokes on top of that are what the entertainment is going to be.

[803] But you know, you still got to like, you know, when somebody says, they're telling the story and nobody says anything and then they go, well, you know, you had to be there.

[804] Well, that's a horrible storyteller.

[805] That's what that is.

[806] You'll never hear Joey Diaz say that.

[807] never you had to be there cocksucker like that would be like well I don't know if I want to be there bro you know yeah you had to be there means you failed in communicating so I think that on that level even though all comics are different and it's weird but that level of like so when you say set up that is important it's not it's universal to all of us you have to set this up yeah but I mean that's the case with all songs and everything too but there's styles You know, like there's certain styles of comedy, I guess.

[808] There's styles of comedy, but they vary so much.

[809] There's no distinct style.

[810] Like, if you heard, like, put an example, Hank Williams Jr., like, well, that's clearly country.

[811] And you just hear it, you know, right away.

[812] You hear, bam, yeah, there's something twangy about it.

[813] It's like, that's country.

[814] There's something about the story.

[815] I love country with a good story, you know, driving down a highway, you know, whatever.

[816] All you have to do is hear, like, a couple of words.

[817] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[818] You know, I don't know what the fuck this is.

[819] Yeah, this guy's hurt.

[820] It doesn't even have to have, like, music behind it.

[821] You know what?

[822] He sat.

[823] You were comedy at the time.

[824] It was the country music of comedy.

[825] I think you misrepresenting them.

[826] It was never.

[827] It was a story.

[828] You know, you felt the anguish.

[829] I don't think that's what I was doing at the time.

[830] Are you trying to look back and think.

[831] Isn't it weird, though?

[832] You had hair.

[833] It was a whole different guy.

[834] Yeah.

[835] You know, you weren't this.

[836] You're a solid muscle now.

[837] Like, I don't know if you have.

[838] What's your body fat count right now?

[839] I don't get it checked.

[840] Oh, okay.

[841] I said, that's probably better.

[842] It's probably better to think that it's better than it probably is.

[843] I think if you went in, you might be disappointed.

[844] The last time I checked it was 10%.

[845] Oh, my God.

[846] It's not very low.

[847] I'm probably like 30%, 35 % body fat.

[848] That's crazy.

[849] I got to do something.

[850] It's not good.

[851] That's not good.

[852] But I, you know what it is?

[853] But my blood pressure is good.

[854] That's good.

[855] Yeah, because I, you know, I, I told me you're boxing now.

[856] I'm trying to box, man. I'm going to the boxing thing and it's like, I go to glove works.

[857] Where's that?

[858] in Century City.

[859] Oh, shit.

[860] Getting your bugs on.

[861] Yeah, it's...

[862] Hitting pads.

[863] The guy's holding the thing.

[864] And there's something that tricks you with that, though.

[865] Yeah, because they hit back.

[866] Yeah, hitting back.

[867] Yeah, they hit you.

[868] And I'm, after I've done it a few times, I'm walking around a public like, I wish somebody test me. I wish somebody would test me. Like, they're going to hold up their hands and fight me like this.

[869] But, you know what's something about going to boxing has changed my perception of women.

[870] women in the boxing thing like they really that shit is when you see a you know I'm working out with five people and then the woman goes in and the guy's like come on you know and she's like blah blah blah blah blah blah I'm just like god damn this is she's good she's great I'm like you can handle yourself all my preconceived notions of like and it's something stupid a stupid male thing is to see a woman fighting and then the first thought is oh yeah somebody hurt her you know you got a lot of in you yeah yeah yeah doing that with me i know i have this thing i'm people people are hurt everybody's getting hurt everybody's hurt everybody's hurt when they oh god this is we just this is like therapy it's coming out here maybe i was hurt maybe i need a cassette maybe i need you know when himself out sets i do i do i'm working on it man i just dated you're old as fuck yeah old as fuck there's kids out there going like what is that what is they don't even know what a CD is they don't know what a CD is exactly what is a laser disc you little fuck what yeah what is this but the box but the box seems been cool.

[871] I like a, it's fun workout, you know.

[872] Angry women are weird, though.

[873] It is weird.

[874] Somebody sent me a picture of this MMA chick, and she's, there's this woman who's down, and she's, I don't know who the lady is.

[875] I'm not familiar with her.

[876] She doesn't fight in the UFC, but she's got blood on her, and she's going like this, and she's standing up over this chick.

[877] After she's pounded, she's like this.

[878] And I'm like, damn, that is an angry woman.

[879] Listen, I can't do those kind of, I can't, I don't like male UFC.

[880] I don't leave, it's just too for me I just have you been live you know do you want to go I would go I was watching the other day and I heard because I heard your voice just one in LA in August I'll go I want to go I get you good seats it just seems so like very you know by the way I find it like I don't like watching women hit each other you know I just don't like it I don't know maybe that's my male thing you know but I think that like how can we be in a society where we're talking about no violence against women what unless it's pay -per -view like no no violence against women by men is what they mean.

[881] And this isn't violence against women.

[882] It's a competition.

[883] Do you think that that woman that beat up Ronda Rousey?

[884] Amanda Nunes.

[885] Do you think that I fight better than her?

[886] No, she'll fuck you up.

[887] She will fuck me up.

[888] But that's Amanda Nunes.

[889] Okay, but if I hit Ronda Rousey in the face, like her and I go out on a date, something happens, we have a scuffle, and it gets on a video that I punch Ronda Rousey in the face, I'm now a pariah in society.

[890] for the rest of my life.

[891] But this woman who trains and is like a beast will beat her up.

[892] I just, I can't get to disconnect.

[893] I can't.

[894] There's not a disconnect.

[895] It's a competition.

[896] It's a sport.

[897] So?

[898] I don't understand where you're missing the connection.

[899] There's such a big difference between Eric Griffin.

[900] First of all, Ron ain't going on a fucking date with you.

[901] Let's be honest.

[902] Hey, you don't know that.

[903] How dare?

[904] First of all, how dare you?

[905] Travis Brown.

[906] He's a fucking kid.

[907] killer.

[908] Okay, well, maybe they have a...

[909] Travis Brown's a giant.

[910] He's a heavyweight UFC fighter.

[911] Okay, so they have a tough patch that week, and she's going out to get some...

[912] She's like, I'm done, I need some strange, and I want, she went to the comedy store.

[913] I'm tired of being her with a killer.

[914] You know, she wants somebody cuddly, soft, squishy, and then we go out on the date, you don't know.

[915] And you wind up punching her.

[916] Yeah, because she...

[917] How the fuck does that ever happen?

[918] I don't know.

[919] Have you ever punched anybody in your life, a girl?

[920] No, no. Well, when I was in the sixth grade, I think I had to fight with a girl one time.

[921] And that's the first time I learned you're not supposed to hit a girl.

[922] Oh, so great.

[923] She was a bully.

[924] She was a bully and she was pushing people and acting.

[925] She done something to me and I punched her.

[926] And then no matter what she did, the whole yard went, you know, like, you don't hit a girl?

[927] And I was like, oh, but remember everybody hated her like a second ago?

[928] Then all of a sudden.

[929] So I knew at that point I was like, oh, you can't do that.

[930] I knew there's some kind of difference.

[931] I learned it then.

[932] Yeah, that's a good way to learn it before it gets ugly.

[933] Before it gets ugly.

[934] Because I was still a little kid.

[935] Yeah, yeah.

[936] It was like, it was probably younger than that, too.

[937] You're not going to break anybody's jaw.

[938] Right, right, right, right, right, right.

[939] And you know what pissed me out, too?

[940] She, I never forget this.

[941] It's so vivid in my head that she immediately went from bully, strong, like, I run this yard to, he hit me. And I was like, oh, little bitch.

[942] I was like, what just happened?

[943] You ever want to look her up?

[944] Yeah, I know.

[945] Just what the fuck she's done to her disaster of a life?

[946] It was Condoleez -Rice, actually, no kidding.

[947] What if it was somebody like that?

[948] That would be crazy.

[949] She's angry at you from punching her all this time.

[950] Starting war, Syria, and shit.

[951] But I'm saying it could happen.

[952] Okay.

[953] I'm with Ronda.

[954] So let's go back to the difference between you punch and Ronda's.

[955] That would be the last punch you ever threw.

[956] She'd flip you on your head on the concrete, smash your head open, stomp you into a mud puddle.

[957] And if people caught all this on video, all they would say is Eric Griffin hits a woman.

[958] Yes.

[959] Or he had it.

[960] Yeah, right, right, right.

[961] Good for her.

[962] Domestic abuser, fuck with the wrong, strong woman.

[963] I don't like it.

[964] But the difference between that and Ron is a professional mixed martial arts champion.

[965] She's a champion and one of the greatest female champions of all time.

[966] I didn't like seeing her face look like that.

[967] She shouldn't have fought that woman.

[968] I didn't like seeing it.

[969] What I'm saying to was I couldn't, I didn't feel any of that.

[970] I didn't feel any of like, oh, it's the competition that she changed.

[971] No, what I saw is a bruised and battered woman.

[972] That's what I saw.

[973] And that's probably my problem.

[974] Okay, so you must be talking about the Holly Home fight, because that's when the one she was breathing about it.

[975] That's when she got head kicked, and she was bloody, and her face was a mask.

[976] The Amanda Nunes fights were just 48 seconds of knuckles in the face.

[977] That was a quick fight.

[978] She just got the fuck beat out of her in that fight.

[979] But both of those fights, but there's lessons in that.

[980] See, you can fight in MMA, and there's danger and there's consequences, but if you're in shape and you're prepared correctly, you can fight.

[981] But there's a lot of women that weren't prepared correctly, and Ron to fuck them up.

[982] That's just how it goes.

[983] Sometimes you're the hammer.

[984] Sometimes you're the hammer.

[985] Sometimes you're the nail.

[986] I think we also pumped her up.

[987] You know, it was like, it was like a money marketing, it was great marketing, too.

[988] She only had fought 10 times.

[989] I mean, I pumped her up.

[990] Everybody pumped her up.

[991] But it was me doing a lot of the, but it was based on what she'd been able to accomplish.

[992] It wasn't based on bullshit.

[993] It was based on her actual performance inside the octagon against people like cats and Gangano against people like Sarah McMahon.

[994] I mean, what she had done was supremely impressive.

[995] But we love a champion.

[996] We love undefeated.

[997] We love being the best ever.

[998] Right.

[999] We get behind that.

[1000] Right.

[1001] And that's what was behind her going into that fight.

[1002] Right.

[1003] And it didn't look like that.

[1004] Well, that shouldn't have been behind her going into that fight.

[1005] Maybe the Holly Home fight.

[1006] The Holly Home fight.

[1007] But even the Holly Home fight, she was under massive amounts of distractions.

[1008] She was under, she was, they were at, they were going to do roadhouse, remember?

[1009] They were going to do a roadhouse movie.

[1010] She's having meetings with agents.

[1011] And they just thought she could fuck up anybody on the planet.

[1012] That's what I'm saying.

[1013] But the problem is, unless you're 100 % all in with your training and your learning and your development, you're making sure that you've got the right training partners and the right coaching and the right staff and nutrition and all these different things, if you don't, if you have any, any part of that missing, then the, The people coming up who have all those bases covered, they're going to surpass you.

[1014] Because they're talented too, and that's what happened with her.

[1015] You're knee deep in the world.

[1016] You know everything about it, okay?

[1017] As a lay person.

[1018] Right.

[1019] Just looking at them standing next to each other, I was like, oh, she's going to get her ass beat.

[1020] So you're looking at Rhonda standing next to Holly home, you thought that Ron was going to get her ass pears?

[1021] Yes.

[1022] When I saw it, I was like, how's this going to work?

[1023] Why did you think that?

[1024] I don't know.

[1025] It's just the eye test.

[1026] She just looked bigger.

[1027] Holly's very physically impressive.

[1028] She looked bigger.

[1029] She was physically.

[1030] I thought she was physically.

[1031] bigger than this person.

[1032] Have you ever seen Sarah McMahon?

[1033] No. Rhonda stopped Sarah McMahon in one round.

[1034] Sarah McMahon was an Olympic silver medalist in wrestling and she's a tank.

[1035] I wasn't into it like that.

[1036] Maybe if I'd seen that, I would have been like, well, this is going to be a good fight.

[1037] But that was my first time.

[1038] And just looking at it, I was like, this doesn't look like this is going to be a good fight.

[1039] That's just, you know, I just didn't think it was going to be a good fight.

[1040] And then you hear, just, you hear you hear you guys talking, you hear like, the guy's going like Holly Holmes and she's a boxer in this and then I'm like oh she's wow this isn't gonna go well and then sure enough it didn't go well so then that made me have like the respect level for female you know fighting if I'm just coming in like at that time you you know it was like ronda rousey's everywhere she's in movies she's in like you know and then you're like oh wow this the greatest fighter ever I hear this is the this she's the attraction of a lifetime and then you go okay all right I'm gonna check it out let me check out wow that girl looks big I don't this is going to and then she gets demolished then you're like well is this a sport i think that was a big blow for female fighting what are you talking about that was like one of the best things to ever happen to female fighting okay we're different in that way i think she should have won would have been the best thing no no no it's good to know that anyone can lose even the grates even the greats they get i think we compared to boxing too much is what it is boxing it's got to be you got to be undefeated you know boxing we love undefeated one blemish on your record and it It does something.

[1041] Yeah, it doesn't work like that in the MMA.

[1042] Right, right, right.

[1043] Because in M .MA, there's so many different ways to win.

[1044] The only one who's really undefeated at the top of the food chain is, well, two guys.

[1045] Kabib Nirmagamatov, who's the lightweight champion.

[1046] He's undefeated, period, mauled everybody, except Al Ayahuinto who went the distance with him, but still beat his ass, still beat him.

[1047] But John Jones is really undefeated.

[1048] John Jones has one loss in his career, but it's a disqualification.

[1049] Is he the guy that's been disqualified because he was on drugs or something?

[1050] got caught with some shit in his system that he shouldn't have had in his system.

[1051] And how did he get into it in his system?

[1052] We don't know.

[1053] It was only in there for a very short amount of time.

[1054] There's a lot of speculation.

[1055] We don't, until that gets ironed out.

[1056] By the way, one of my good friends in the whole wide world is Eric Koch.

[1057] He's also a UFC MMA fighter.

[1058] You know Eric Koch from Duke's as a gym?

[1059] Yeah, Eric Polk, yeah.

[1060] He's a good buddy.

[1061] You know how I know him?

[1062] We play video games together.

[1063] Oh, no shit.

[1064] Yeah, yeah.

[1065] He's a bad motherfucker.

[1066] He really is.

[1067] He's a crazy dude.

[1068] Now I know that if I'm in public and some shit.

[1069] shit is about to go down, I check people's ears.

[1070] Oh, that's a good move.

[1071] Yeah.

[1072] Yeah, but sometimes it doesn't work.

[1073] Oh, his ear look.

[1074] Yeah, but some beasts out there that wear ear guards.

[1075] Yeah, but...

[1076] Be careful.

[1077] No, but Joe, I'm saying, I'm not going to fight anyway.

[1078] I know, but don't.

[1079] One more year of boxing, I might be like, you don't want to test me. Once they start doing that pad thing, so you start thinking, yeah, man, listen to the noise I'm making.

[1080] Tap, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

[1081] No, can I tell you one quick, the first time I ever boxed, I was like a, I went with Craig Robinson.

[1082] You know, one more.

[1083] Did you think Craig were boxing each other?

[1084] No, we weren't boxing each other, but Craig was starting to box, and he took me to this gym, and it was this old black dude.

[1085] He was, like, in his 60s, old school black dude.

[1086] So I got into the ring with him, the guy.

[1087] He was like, all right, come on in the ring.

[1088] You know, so I'm in there, and we're boxing.

[1089] Three minutes.

[1090] I have so much more respect for boxers after doing this.

[1091] So he's like, yo, keep your hands up.

[1092] Keep your hands up.

[1093] You know, and I'm like, all right.

[1094] And then he hit me in the head, Joe.

[1095] Because he didn't keep your hands up.

[1096] And I was like, after he hit me twice, something locks in, man. You're like, oh.

[1097] And then.

[1098] Tasted your own blood.

[1099] It was like 30 seconds left in the fight.

[1100] And he put his hands up, he was like, finish the fight like you're on the street.

[1101] Finish the fight like you're on the street.

[1102] And I went like - You should have kicked them in the nuts and did his nose off.

[1103] I went like this.

[1104] I went like this.

[1105] And then box again for a little while until recently.

[1106] So that was one time.

[1107] It was so hard.

[1108] It was like that three minutes, I was like, how can these people throw 50 punches?

[1109] Well, you got to build up to it, Eric.

[1110] I'm going to, man. I think I'm going to come here.

[1111] You got, I need to, I want to, you know, I need to work out.

[1112] I need to.

[1113] He laughs, you're not going to, he's laughing like, you can't deal with a Joe Rogan workout.

[1114] The key is just built up.

[1115] I thought about doing one a while ago, but I'm like, as a, it's, I'd write, I'd do too many things publicly.

[1116] I'd rather just keep some things to just myself.

[1117] This is a man who has a family now, has reached a level of success that he is comfortable.

[1118] And now you're starting to see, like, not everyone needs to know everything.

[1119] It's not just that.

[1120] There's value in doing things just for you.

[1121] Privacy.

[1122] No, no, no, no, no. No, just working on stuff and doing things just for you.

[1123] Don't do things publicly.

[1124] Like, everybody, in this day and age, everybody does everything on social media.

[1125] And I've done a bunch of things that I put them on social media.

[1126] But I think there's a benefit.

[1127] Like, why do you do the things you do?

[1128] Like, I do the things I do for two reasons.

[1129] One, either I enjoy them or I think they make me better.

[1130] They make me a better person.

[1131] This is going to all be on your tape?

[1132] I do a lot of yoga.

[1133] like I did yoga today And I do it a lot And one of the reasons why I do it I think it makes me a better person I think it makes me more mellow Which I think is good I have a tendency to not be mellow Mellow It makes me more friendly I think it calms me down And I think it's very good for my body So I do it all the time But I'm not about to do some fucking Yoga video I think I do stand up for that reason Yoga calm me Calms you down Yeah yeah that's interesting Yeah I do stand up to like It does it calms me down If something happens to me I go directly to the stage that's a great way to work on it though like can develop material yeah that's what that's what happens even if it's something this like silly like if i see a movie that moves me i might go on on on stage to be like did y 'all see this movie where are you working out now i know you do the store and i know you do the factory but do you fuck around like go to the ha ha or the ice house yeah yeah foppers all that shit my start was i when i when i knew i wanted to do this i was going to open mics and then i went to long beach they had this place called mar the queen mary and they had a laugh as hope this guy Steve Kimbrough had this really shitty club on the Queen Mary dude we did Fear Factor in the Queen Mary it was right down there and I remember they had someone was doing a room there that's the room you're talking about so I went I did that and then I started doing the Ice House the annex that's a good room and they had that three shows on Friday three shows on Saturday so that started doing that from there I went to the ha ha and then I was like hosting on the weekends and then Terry Lough Terry from the ha you know glad brush or so what are you doing Wednesday night Wednesday night I'm around You want to do the Ice House?

[1134] Yeah, let's do it.

[1135] Wednesday night, 10 p .m. 10 p .m. Ice House.

[1136] I'm with Joe Rogan.

[1137] Sold out.

[1138] Tony Hinchcliffe's on the show, too.

[1139] Yeah, I love Tony.

[1140] So then I went to the Ice House.

[1141] Then I started going to ha -ha.

[1142] And then I got to showcase at the comedy store.

[1143] You know, and Mincy didn't even look at me. She didn't even look at you.

[1144] Didn't even talk to me. What year?

[1145] This was a year Jay Davis got passed.

[1146] So I wanted to kill myself.

[1147] I showcased with Jay Davis.

[1148] That's not rude.

[1149] Jay knows I'll say this to his fucking face He knows So we're showcasing the same day Right And she passed him Okay And then didn't even talk to me Okay So I was She didn't watch you She watched me And I went down She didn't like She didn't like it That's what I thought That's what I thought Which really pissed me off What here is his skin?

[1150] Dude this must have been 2000 2003 -ish So this is when Jay was on Torgasm with Dane Cook.

[1151] Yes.

[1152] Dane was supposed to showcase that night, too.

[1153] But he refused to come because he was Dane Cook, and I get it.

[1154] So he refused to showcase.

[1155] Well, that's what I hear.

[1156] I shouldn't even say that.

[1157] I know Dane, and I should have, I should ask him before I'm talking about this.

[1158] But I had, you had to showcase, right.

[1159] You know, Louis C .K. didn't get past at the store.

[1160] I get it.

[1161] I mean, Mitzie's like, I don't like him.

[1162] She got her own thing.

[1163] So I get to showcase.

[1164] My then friend, Ahmed Ahmed Ahmed, set up to showcase that night, and I didn't get passed.

[1165] So a year and a half later, I had to deal with Tommy, you know.

[1166] And listen, as what people get on him, and I think Tommy's out there thinks I hate him, but I know there was a method to his madness, you know?

[1167] And maybe if he didn't even know it, it worked for me because he was my villain.

[1168] He was my enemy.

[1169] Okay, so I had to get past him.

[1170] He was the gatekeeper.

[1171] I had to get past.

[1172] So it took me a year and a half of like doing belly room and just hanging around and people keep saying to him, hey, you should put Eric Griffin, you know.

[1173] So then I got another showcase.

[1174] It was in the main room during one of those bringer shows.

[1175] They were doing the showcases during those.

[1176] And she was there.

[1177] They had her in her booth.

[1178] And I did my set.

[1179] I ran the fucking light to.

[1180] You know, I was like, fuck this.

[1181] Whoa.

[1182] What year are we talking about?

[1183] This is like a year later.

[1184] So it's like 2005, you know, 2000, about 2005, 2006.

[1185] And then they, around, I don't, it's around that time.

[1186] 2004 or five, six.

[1187] I'm not sure when it was, you know.

[1188] And then as I'm leaving.

[1189] they're bringing her through the main room and they're you know they're helping her through the hallway to go to the kitchen and she stops and she looks at me and says you were funny and those are the only words she ever spoke to me that's all you needed that's all I needed and then Tommy comes over and he's like well you she passed you you're in the belly room now head butted him right in the nose fucking mouth right shut the fuck up and then he told me I had to be in the belly room for a year and I knew that was a lie she passed me so again but I I needed the challenge, you know?

[1190] You know, one of my best moments for me personally.

[1191] I like what you did there.

[1192] Yeah, I had to, I had to know, because I got to tell you.

[1193] Threw your hand back.

[1194] Like, we're in the tonight show.

[1195] Yeah, man. Richard over at Comedy of Magic, you know, and I love Richard.

[1196] Sure, I love Richard.

[1197] So I tried to showcase for Richard.

[1198] They're the nicest people ever over there.

[1199] They treat comics the best.

[1200] Yeah, Mike Lacey.

[1201] You go there, you go there not to do comedy.

[1202] You go there to get food and hug people.

[1203] And hug people, hang out with good people, man. For real.

[1204] So I remember I tried to showcase for him.

[1205] I sent him a tape and he was like, Eric, you're too dirty and all this stuff.

[1206] And he wouldn't pass me. So Maz Jabrani, this is a years later now, Maz Jabrani is doing a show.

[1207] And he says, Eric, you want to be on my show?

[1208] So I'm standing in the hallway before I go on with the MC.

[1209] And then we're joking about being clean.

[1210] And I say, you know what?

[1211] I'm going to go up there and pull my dick out.

[1212] A guy in the suit is walking down the hallway.

[1213] This guy in the suit is walking.

[1214] He goes, hey, please don't do that.

[1215] And I go, you know, I'm just kidding.

[1216] And we laugh a little bit.

[1217] We laugh a little bit.

[1218] I go on stage, I murder it, and then I'm headed to the green room, and that same guy in the suit comes running at me, and it's Mike.

[1219] It's the owner.

[1220] Oh, that's hilarious.

[1221] And he says, hey, he goes, man, you're hilarious.

[1222] Why aren't you working at my club?

[1223] Why don't I know you?

[1224] At that moment, Richard is in the hallway.

[1225] And then I look at Richard and I go, yeah, Richard, why am I not working here?

[1226] And he's like, well, you know, you were dirty.

[1227] I was like, I can play clean.

[1228] I play churches.

[1229] I played cruise ships.

[1230] I'm a professional comedian.

[1231] My point about this is that moment of him squirming and being like, okay, you're in.

[1232] And after that I was in, that was worth waiting for as opposed to like trying to bully my way into places.

[1233] Right.

[1234] Like I felt like I earned that.

[1235] Yeah.

[1236] And since then, Rich and I were friends, you know?

[1237] It's like, but I had to, I had to earn that.

[1238] You had to earn it.

[1239] I had to like, find the right moment.

[1240] I had to like, you know what I mean?

[1241] I do know what you mean, man. Could I have been on the Wednesday night Ice House show with Joe Rogan before?

[1242] Possibly.

[1243] Do you know, Joey, like, you have to get into these situations.

[1244] Joey can't work with me at the ice house.

[1245] The one place.

[1246] They won't have them.

[1247] Too dirty.

[1248] What do you do?

[1249] He went up, he was talking about sniffing his balls and eating ass.

[1250] One too many cock sucker.

[1251] Doing the pigeon, sticking his nose up, girl's asses.

[1252] Why's going down on him from behind?

[1253] I do the pigeon.

[1254] And they would just, fuck.

[1255] First of all, he was murdering to the point where, like, drinks were falling off tables.

[1256] The lights were dimming.

[1257] They were shortened out.

[1258] and Mike was like you know Mike's the sweetest guy in the world he goes I love you I think you're amazing he goes but I can't have you in this club you're just too dirty and he's like look he goes I understand Joey wasn't mad at him he's like one of the only guys that told Joey that he can't work but Joey was already successful by then he just would work you know Joey always works with me so he just didn't want to do it just you know Joey called you know what I gotta say like one of my favorite phone calls I've had is Joey Diaz calling me the other day.

[1259] He's, you know, I don't do this cocksucker.

[1260] You know, I don't...

[1261] You were really good on him dying up here.

[1262] And he's just giving me compliments.

[1263] Oh, that's beautiful.

[1264] And I just don't...

[1265] And I was like, when it comes from someone that you believe is 100 % genuine.

[1266] Yeah.

[1267] And then the way he was talking about it, I thought I was like, oh, that's great.

[1268] That's what you want.

[1269] That's what I learned when I got back into it later, too, by the way.

[1270] When I was 30, I knew that you had to get the respect of your peers.

[1271] these people that you do this business with have to think you're funny because those are the people that are going to get you work well they have to like you to like you to yeah that's a big one like you have to be a nice person and you know what you are a nice very nice person but one of the things is nice about the comedy store for sure is that um I think um I think I think I think I think I think what's going on with the internet now is there's so many opportunities for the comedians now that we're not in competition with each other anymore I don't think we ever been they used to be like that man the 90s and the 90s and the 90s and the 90s everybody was like dog eat dog it was different like there was a lot of people back then that felt like say if you got something like you got a tv show why didn't i get that fucking show there's people that thought there was a limited number of things it's what i call famine thinking you ever heard that expression yes i know that's like what that expression is a deadly fucking it's just a poison to your life and the way you think about the world that a lot of people have that problem that famine thinking i think people still feel like that now but i always i always lacking it to golf you know i think that we're on a leaderboard, but we're still fighting against ourselves.

[1272] Yeah, but no, because golf, you're competing for the championship.

[1273] There's no competing at the comedy store.

[1274] No, I know, I know, but what I'm saying.

[1275] But in the world, the stand -up comedy today, I think there's so many opportunities.

[1276] There's so many places to work, so many stand - Especially when you do in the road.

[1277] There's so many theaters, so many comedy clubs, so many.

[1278] But there's still only 52 weeks in a year.

[1279] Think about that.

[1280] What the fuck does that mean?

[1281] How many headliners are there in, do you think?

[1282] Real ones?

[1283] 300.

[1284] I'm not joking I'm not joking Maybe worldwide Well there's only Okay Well then there's enough then Because there's like How many how many do you think there are?

[1285] How many?

[1286] Like is there 500 There might be 500 Well I'm just saying at a club though There's only 52 weeks For them to book One guy But that's one club But that's one club So then there's But you travel right There's fucking hundreds of cities Well I mean it's still It's still a fight out there man Dude Fuck all that thing For the good week is No, what, we get July 4th weekend?

[1287] No, no, those are the bad weekends.

[1288] Those are the weekends I get.

[1289] I get Mother's Day, Father's Day, July 4th.

[1290] Dude, I get those too.

[1291] I do those weekends.

[1292] Yeah, you get.

[1293] I like them.

[1294] You're doing the, you're getting, you're doing, once the last time you did a Thursday night at a club.

[1295] I don't usually do Thursday nights anywhere than the store.

[1296] That's what I'm saying.

[1297] You don't do Thursday nights on a road.

[1298] Oh, even on a road?

[1299] Yeah.

[1300] Well, the theater is different.

[1301] But I'm saying, like, you got to, there was a time when you got to a part where you were doing Friday, Saturday, and you're out.

[1302] yes right at clubs yeah at clubs yeah you know so there's still that was just because i just got tired of the fucking rind yeah you know what what got me more than anything is doing morning radio where you had to get up early in the morning and then you try to get some sleep and you never could and then you just wrecked and then the only time you didn't get morning radio working it doesn't work anymore but back in the day it did you they still make you do it they're crazy they're crazy that's a waste of time you know and it's always the same thing it's a guy uncle something his sidekick it must work in some places?

[1303] I don't know.

[1304] I mean, I'm talking out of my ass.

[1305] I sometimes I'm going to go on when I go on stage, you go, who heard me on a radio?

[1306] Who's here?

[1307] Nobody.

[1308] But meanwhile, you were up at 5 o 'clock in the morning.

[1309] I'm up at 5 o 'clock in the morning.

[1310] Exhausted.

[1311] Yeah.

[1312] That's the thing is, like, if you don't get good sleep, and that's a problem with doing three weekend, three nights in a row in different places when I tour.

[1313] I'm just in New York.

[1314] That's a third night.

[1315] You got a, the third night.

[1316] Well, three nights in a row, if you're just in Carolin's, that's okay because you're getting up in the morning in the same hotel room, but when you get up and you have to go to the airport and then fly, land at a new place, take a shower, go to the gym, try to wake up.

[1317] That's where it fucks you up.

[1318] Three nights in a row.

[1319] By the time the third night comes around, you're like, damn, I'm kind of worn the fuck out.

[1320] Well, you just said something that's not even a part of my thing.

[1321] Like, you know, you just, you, you, you said like get up, go to the gym.

[1322] Like, hmm, I got to add that.

[1323] You got to add that.

[1324] This is my move.

[1325] When I fly somewhere, If I fly in, I put my fucking bag down.

[1326] I unzip it.

[1327] I take my shorts out.

[1328] I put my fucking running shoes on or whatever I'm going to wear.

[1329] I go right to the gym.

[1330] Really?

[1331] Right to the gym.

[1332] I don't fuck around.

[1333] Because if I don't, I'm not going to do it.

[1334] I feel you.

[1335] If I'm staying in a nice hotel and they have a 24 -hour gym, that's my favorite.

[1336] I just put my fucking headphones on and just whatever it is.

[1337] I don't know what to do in the gym.

[1338] Just get on a fucking elliptical machine and do a half an hour.

[1339] Just make it, make yourself sweat.

[1340] You know what I like to do?

[1341] This is going to sound crazy But I love doing those Like Jerk off Insanity Well that That's what I would Fill that spot with When I get to the I put my bag down Take my shorts off Get my one sock ready I never did that Who does that Why do people say that Why would you jerk off in your shock People are gross What sort of Is this supposed to simulate Some sort of like A vagina Pussy Yeah Some woolly pussy Yeah Some sort of Cotony pussy Yeah, unless you have a silk sock.

[1342] Yeah, and even then.

[1343] It feels like you'll cut yourself.

[1344] But anyways.

[1345] If you bring like a flashlight with you on the road, you're a creep.

[1346] Yeah.

[1347] Well, see, because, yeah, the moment that they go with with your bag, that they're, you know.

[1348] At the airport.

[1349] At the airport.

[1350] Stanhope did that once.

[1351] Right after 9 -11, he traveled with a briefcase.

[1352] No, not a briefcase.

[1353] A suitcase filled with dildos and rubber fists and all this shit.

[1354] And, of course, they had checked it everywhere he went.

[1355] And that was why he's doing it.

[1356] They're, like, opening up his bag and, like, what is this?

[1357] They're like, ah, it's my sex toys.

[1358] And they can't say shit because sex toys aren't outlawed.

[1359] Have you seen how crazy these sex robots are looking?

[1360] Yes, they have.

[1361] I mean, I think we're, you know how this feeling we have about self -driving cars?

[1362] Mm -hmm.

[1363] There's a fear out there about self -driving cars.

[1364] We're not there yet.

[1365] It's not going to be our generation that fully embraces it.

[1366] We're 10, 15 years away from, like, this is going to be a normal thing.

[1367] Right.

[1368] This is the same thing with the sex dolls I think you're right When I see them I have a disconnect of like I can't I would never I just They just look You say that now But if it gets to like Ex Machina style Oh well I mean jail That's coming But that's gonna happen man But they gotta be self -cleaning They have a life -sized sheep I googled sex robot The sheep comes up Bitch you got that bookmarked No I don't I swear to God Wait, wait, wait.

[1369] First of all, is this one on the left for pedophiles?

[1370] I don't know.

[1371] It's, I just typed in sex robots.

[1372] It says girl mannequin with realistic features.

[1373] What in the fuck?

[1374] Whoa, that is creepy as fuck, dude.

[1375] I don't know about that one right there, dude.

[1376] Jesus Christ.

[1377] That is creepy.

[1378] That one on the left...

[1379] What's the one in the real dog one right there?

[1380] That is a fucking little kid man. That's what I'm saying.

[1381] Yeah, that is creepy as shit.

[1382] Well, I guess that's one way to, you know...

[1383] Jamie, don't click on that.

[1384] It's not a sex robot.

[1385] I don't know why it's popping up there.

[1386] Yeah, then why'd you click right on the crotch part?

[1387] Yeah, but hold on a second, but that's under, but you Googled sex robot.

[1388] And that's what's coming up.

[1389] And the first thing is shop for sex robot on girl mannequin with realistic features.

[1390] Dude, that's fucking gross.

[1391] Meet Harmony, the sex robot.

[1392] Oh, go to her.

[1393] Go to her.

[1394] That looks like at least a grown -ass woman sex robot.

[1395] Is that her?

[1396] Go full screen.

[1397] Let me see this shit.

[1398] This is one I've seen.

[1399] It's always some.

[1400] Well, it looks like my friend.

[1401] Oh, my God.

[1402] Well, that's what she looks like?

[1403] She looks that good?

[1404] Yeah, we're getting there.

[1405] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[1406] So, but there's still something...

[1407] Oh, wow.

[1408] Jesus.

[1409] That's how they want it, though, with the head covered, just the ass sticking out.

[1410] So weird.

[1411] Oh, God, that's even weird.

[1412] Look at that hole where the neck is.

[1413] Jesus, this is strange.

[1414] I mean, look at the booty.

[1415] Yeah.

[1416] So, damn, that is unbelievably lifelike, though.

[1417] Yeah, it's crazy.

[1418] Like, come on, man. This is a scene in a science fiction movie.

[1419] If this was, like, 1960, this is a science fiction.

[1420] movie oh she can blink slowly and seductively oh look at it because she's blinking the perfect lips i know i don't know if this was a science fiction movie from like the 1960s and they had this we'd be like whoa this is crazy because it would be so far removed from reality there's no way that this is going to look at what they're doing but this is not far fetched this is close you know what i think that this is going to be bypassed by is virtual reality like brain links some sort of thing where like you can stimulate the mind in a way that you think things are happening I think that's going to bypass all of this technology I think it's going to be both but I think you're right that that's coming too I think but I think this is coming too I think this this the ability to have like a real realistic robot that'll fuck you that's not hard because you just think about all the moves that it has to do it's not a lot of moves I think, you know, also They'll be quiet, you know I think also a good thing if it's possible is have a move have a robot like that to practice martial arts on like have a robot that throws punches and kicks and you block them see now you're thinking about improving society not just for sex so you can have a robot teach you to play piano teach you how to do like I'm just talking about a robot that you can fuck up like leg kick it body kick it but it's a training thing yes yes yeah that's totally possible Yeah, just have it like Move slowly How it doesn't, you know It doesn't move quickly But it moves slowly So you can just work on drills and shit Is it already have one?

[1421] Oh no, no, no No, they don't Jamie This is just a fucking punching bag That moves back and forth That seems stupid That thing's dumb Good try though You don't want it like That throws like Yeah, I want a person This is like What this is good for It's hyper extending your fucking elbows You're gonna miss this thing And hurt yourself I don't think that's a good idea Honestly I think your idea about having a So instead of having a sex robot That same technology used for fighting Training Yeah Because I have a dummy that I practice Jiu -Jitsu on But it's like this It's called a Bubba dummy It just lays there like this But I can practice arm bars and triangles I can do reps on it I just do reps Right right But it's not as good as doing it with a person But it's hard to get a person Just stand there and let you do Fucking choke them Over and over and over again But a robot A robot could You could get a male sex doll You order it specifically I want the butthole sealed I want the dick removed Wait wait wait wait hold on hold on Wait first of mouth closed I want to hold on hold on Why does the butthole Need to be sealed so you don't want to be tempted No one can accuse me of nanny shenanigans Okay okay It doesn't even work bro I'll show you I'll take the gear off of this Joe why does the butt hole still work Hey hey hey I don't know I specifically called and said, no, butthole.

[1422] Why is this cock so large on your...

[1423] Why is it glistening?

[1424] Why does it smell like strawberries?

[1425] Yeah, it should always be dirty, too.

[1426] Yeah, yeah.

[1427] It's always dirty.

[1428] It should be...

[1429] A couple of specks of blood on it.

[1430] Yeah, it shouldn't feel like it's been cleaned and used.

[1431] Jesus Christ.

[1432] You keep the plastic on it, like a phone.

[1433] You know, when you get your phone.

[1434] But those real dolls, they move like a real person.

[1435] Like, you...

[1436] If you didn't mind...

[1437] practicing on the girl real doll you would order the girl real doll with like small breasts you know so like the breasts don't get in the way and then you can work your mount get your arm bars in your triangles and then when you're done you fucker oh well there you go there you go so it's probably like dating uh you know no it's very different than dating oh when you're dating i'm talking about if you date the UFC like do you think ronda rodzi and her guy do they have like they get excited like that when they're like fighting each other i doubt it or they just stay away from that completely i doubt i bet they do that I bet they don't even train together.

[1438] Well, she's done fighting.

[1439] Now she just does WWE.

[1440] Which is great.

[1441] Yeah.

[1442] I think that's great for her.

[1443] Well, she's great at it.

[1444] She's very good at it.

[1445] She's a decent enough actor.

[1446] She's an entertainer.

[1447] She's an entertainer.

[1448] Yeah, and that's what all this is supposed to be anyway.

[1449] It's all entertainment.

[1450] Right.

[1451] It's like, what is it for?

[1452] It's just to distract you and give you something fun to watch.

[1453] But we're so close to Roman times where like, you know, we want someone, I mean.

[1454] Do you see that barrel knuckle boxing event they did this past weekend?

[1455] No, I couldn't.

[1456] I can't with that, man. I'm just not into, like, watching violence like that.

[1457] Hmm.

[1458] I don't have a problem with it, you know, because, you know why?

[1459] It's like, like, Muhammad Ali.

[1460] Like, how he was in his later in his life, I go, why would anyone do this?

[1461] Even when I watch professional athletes, like, when you, oh, my God, this is what I'm saying.

[1462] Like, I can't, wow.

[1463] They did it in Wyoming.

[1464] Legalized bare knuckle boxing.

[1465] That just looks horrible.

[1466] Well, the idea is you can't hit people.

[1467] but it was hard with bare knuckles.

[1468] So you're going to get cut up a little bit, but you're not going to get the same kind of head trauma.

[1469] No, it's definitely true.

[1470] Remember the dude, no, man. What about what's his name?

[1471] Rudy Tom Janovitch.

[1472] I don't know who that is.

[1473] The coach, old coach from Houston.

[1474] Remember when he was playing in the NBA, they used to fight in the NBA in the 70s.

[1475] They used to fifth fight.

[1476] They used to have real fights.

[1477] And somebody got, 1977.

[1478] Clocked in the head, and he broke his orbital bone.

[1479] So is this like this was normal?

[1480] This is real things, man. Let me see this.

[1481] They would just fight.

[1482] Oh, you know what I'm talking about.

[1483] He found it, see?

[1484] You had to see the replay, yeah.

[1485] Because he came, you know.

[1486] So what's happening here?

[1487] It's hard to see what's going on.

[1488] Rudy comes, and this guy clocks him in the head.

[1489] Oh, I was looking at the wrong dudes.

[1490] Yeah, yeah.

[1491] Watch, here he comes.

[1492] He's just coming in to, like, stop the fight, and this guy thought he was coming at him.

[1493] Oh, and he's running right towards him, too.

[1494] That ruined his career.

[1495] Did it?

[1496] Yes.

[1497] Well, that's an orbital fracture, and that's real common in M .M .A. It happens all the time.

[1498] But, like, imagine with knuckles?

[1499] No, I do.

[1500] So you really think that...

[1501] This is not as bad.

[1502] I'm telling you.

[1503] You think that with gloves is worse?

[1504] Just as bad.

[1505] You can hit harder.

[1506] Trust me. You can hit someone harder because it doesn't hurt your hands.

[1507] The gloves are not protecting the opponent.

[1508] The gloves are protecting your hand.

[1509] Well, I get that from doing this boxing.

[1510] I take my hand out of these gloves, and my fucking fingers are killing me. Right.

[1511] Take no gloves and go over to my heavy bag, because that heavy bag is stiff.

[1512] Go over and start punching that thing.

[1513] It's going to hurt your fucking hands.

[1514] I get it.

[1515] Same with punching a person.

[1516] 14 ounce or 16 ounce?

[1517] I'm not sure which, I don't know how I feel, but sometimes I went to 14 ounces, I feel like, oh, this is.

[1518] You got a little more speed.

[1519] I got a little more, yeah.

[1520] Two extra ounces.

[1521] Yeah.

[1522] Well, these are zero ounces.

[1523] Your hands move very fast.

[1524] Are you got those zero ounce gloves?

[1525] Well, in MMA, they're four.

[1526] They're four ounces.

[1527] Oh, I couldn't even.

[1528] Listen, that looked terrible.

[1529] Those guys' faces, that can't be, you could break someone's nose.

[1530] Dude, everybody's nose gets broken in the UFC.

[1531] Everybody.

[1532] Everybody's face gets broken.

[1533] Orbital bones.

[1534] This is your world, man. I get it.

[1535] I hear you, I turn the thing on, and I hear your voice.

[1536] The other day I was on FX.

[1537] I was like, oh, that's Joe Rogan.

[1538] And you were just going in.

[1539] You sound like a totally different person.

[1540] It's crazy.

[1541] You get, like, you're in a whole different, like, in that mode, too.

[1542] You know, you just sound like if it was like rock.

[1543] A Rocky movie, you know, and then you hear the announcers, that's you right there.

[1544] You got it down, man. Well, I've been doing it a long time.

[1545] I know.

[1546] It's great.

[1547] You know, so, but that's your world, so I'm not trying to disrespect your world, but it's just too violent for me. You've seen with that punch, that was 1977, and they probably didn't know how to fix those things back then.

[1548] But now they know how to fix orbital fractures and things along those lines.

[1549] It doesn't make it okay.

[1550] But I'm telling you, it's not, if that guy punched that guy with gloves on it, it would have been just as bad.

[1551] Oh.

[1552] Unless it was boxing gloves.

[1553] Boxing gloves, who probably wouldn't have got hurt as much because you're dealing with a big, thick, heavy pad.

[1554] You know, box gloves, eight, ten ounces, depending on the fight.

[1555] All right.

[1556] I just...

[1557] Yeah.

[1558] I know what you're saying.

[1559] It seems like it's worse than this.

[1560] It does.

[1561] But I didn't know that.

[1562] What you get mostly is cuts.

[1563] Like, you see those guys were all cut up because the knuckles, the bare knuckles are hitting skin.

[1564] Yeah.

[1565] This feels...

[1566] When I do this and I'm knocking on, I just feel...

[1567] Wow, I just feel how that would be like, oh, man. Oof.

[1568] Well, it's interesting because a lot of people, I was saying for the longest time, you shouldn't have even wraps on your hands.

[1569] Because it gets people an unrealistic idea of what you could do with your hands.

[1570] And why are there pads on your knuckles when there's not pads on your shins or pads on your knees or pads on your heel or pads on your elbow?

[1571] Because you're smashing people with elbows.

[1572] There's way more power that you can generate hitting someone with an elbow with a bare elbow than you can with a bare elbow fist because a bare fist have you hit someone in the forehead or even in the cheek sometimes you break your hand yeah not with the elbow with the elbow you could hit foreheads and face you could hit everything but like a good head butt too yeah there was a jamie i'm gonna have you pull something up because i sent this to shop um there's uh something that give me one second here and i'll find this because uh josh emett see if you could find just google this josh emett details hellish road back to health following Jeremy Stevens, Keow, MMA fighting.

[1573] What is that stuff you got over there?

[1574] What stuff?

[1575] This?

[1576] Yeah.

[1577] That's alpha brain.

[1578] It's a cognitive Inference.

[1579] Did I try it?

[1580] Yeah, you should.

[1581] Is this the limitless pill?

[1582] Dumb motherfucker.

[1583] Yeah.

[1584] No, it actually tastes good.

[1585] But after this now, we're going to be talking about science and...

[1586] So this dude I can't even open it.

[1587] I don't hear it.

[1588] Oh, here we go.

[1589] Bite it and tear it open.

[1590] That dude got caoed by Jeremy Stevens, who's like one of the most ruthless knockout artist in the UFC and he's got major facial fractures, his like orbital was fractured, his cheekbone was fractured, his nasal cavity was fractured, like fucking everything is fractured.

[1591] And he just had emergency surgery, like the second surgery.

[1592] He went to Orlando where the fight was and they either misdiagnosed him or they missed some of the injuries, but he was still fucked up.

[1593] They didn't catch a lot of things, he says.

[1594] and then he went to another doctor and got an MRI and they immediately took him into surgery like dude your fucking whole head is broken what's what I'm saying?

[1595] Yeah I don't get it but this is legal here's my thing have you fought yourself you fought right in this stuff not in this stuff not there was no MMA well's fight I kickboxed and I fought in a lot of Taekwondo tournaments you know there's no there's nothing in you to fight now I'm 50 years old the fuck am I doing doing that they got don't they got like a 42 and over league they don't but there are some guys that are in their 40s that still fight but it's just it's a young man's a young man's game right it's also a young man's game because by the time you're 40 you got to think you've been doing it for a long time which means you've been absorbing a lot of punishment for a long time which means you're probably you should probably be done yeah you're like if you want to live into your you know 70s and 80s and be able to hold your bowels in and know where your keys are you know there's a certain point in time when you can't get hit anymore do you look at like even other sports.

[1596] You ever see these old basketball players how they can't walk?

[1597] Yeah.

[1598] It's crazy.

[1599] Yeah, and these get devastated.

[1600] Yeah, they just, they can't, you know, they're like, Doc Rivers, I got Clippers tickets, so I see Doc Rivers, he's on the sideline, he can't even.

[1601] He's also a really tall guy, and that, that alone, all those leverage points, and all the impact, the constant, and especially, I mean, a lot of these guys, they didn't understand overtraining, they overtrained, they had injuries, they just toughed it out, and work through them, you know, back injuries, weird spinal issues.

[1602] That's why I think they should let every professional athlete for like, there's a week period where they get to take some steroids and recover?

[1603] A week.

[1604] It's not enough.

[1605] Oh, okay.

[1606] Oh, you'd have to be on a cycle.

[1607] You'd have to be on a cycle for six to eight weeks.

[1608] But they have like, so in the off -season you get that six to eight weeks of like that cream, steroid cream, and cryotherapy.

[1609] Well, they can do the cryo.

[1610] To get your body like that.

[1611] No, I agree with it.

[1612] The doctor gives you, the doctor gives regular people steroids to recover from certain injuries.

[1613] Sure.

[1614] And then we're paying these people to entertain us.

[1615] We should allow them to take a moment to like, okay, well, here's my six -week period.

[1616] I'm going to get my steroids in and get myself back to normal.

[1617] Then we'll start training camp.

[1618] I agree.

[1619] The problem is when you go on a cycle, like say if you want on a steroid cycle, your endocrine system shuts down.

[1620] And so then when you go off the steroids, your body has a normalization period.

[1621] And a lot of time, I don't know the hard numbers, but I think what they try to say is it's 50 % of the time that you were on the steroids.

[1622] So say if you're on steroids for three months, you would need a one and a half month recovery period before your hormones normalize.

[1623] And sometimes you need help getting your hormones to normalize.

[1624] There's a bunch of things called chlomaphene.

[1625] There's a bunch of different.

[1626] Is that also illegal stuff?

[1627] Yes.

[1628] All those are illegal.

[1629] Oh, well, there you go.

[1630] Depending on what the regulations are, what sport you're in.

[1631] But in MMA, all that shit.

[1632] Do you watch football, basketball, none of that?

[1633] Are you just strictly...

[1634] I don't even know the rules.

[1635] I don't know what's happening.

[1636] When I watch a football game, people are...

[1637] You're literally a caveman.

[1638] Blowing whistles.

[1639] I'm not.

[1640] I'm not.

[1641] I just don't have any room.

[1642] Look, I watch professional pool.

[1643] Okay, you're one of those.

[1644] I got you.

[1645] You must love going to Canada.

[1646] You know, every time I go to Canada and I turn on their ESPN in Canada?

[1647] Snooker.

[1648] And they got, like, they got, they're darts.

[1649] They got curling.

[1650] They got stuff where I go, we would never show this bullshit.

[1651] Can I get a Kleenex, man?

[1652] I feel like I'm nasally.

[1653] And we just ran out over here.

[1654] There you go, nasly.

[1655] Yeah, so it's not that, like, I don't, I'm a caveman.

[1656] It's just, I like what, Jesus.

[1657] Jesus, Eric.

[1658] I know.

[1659] Why are you doing that on mic?

[1660] I got a big nose.

[1661] Push that microphone.

[1662] I'm four feet away from the, but yeah, but you're blowing hard with that schnazol.

[1663] You're going deep, son.

[1664] You just made people throw up.

[1665] There's people listening to the, it's, isn't it funny of the fluid coming out of people's nose?

[1666] This is so vile, a sound.

[1667] You know, like, when something, like, you're on a basketball court or something like that, and someone does a smart rocket, you see it, like, whoa.

[1668] This from the guy that wants to watch blood on people's face.

[1669] I don't want to watch blood on people's face.

[1670] I just think that it would be a more realistic.

[1671] You don't get a thrill out of that when somebody gets punched and then they turn around and they're just like, you know.

[1672] I don't get a thrill out of that.

[1673] All right.

[1674] I get a thrill out of knockouts, for sure.

[1675] Which is worse.

[1676] guys hitting people with big shots but it's like not specifically about blood in fact I think I don't like blood because it gets in the way and it stops fights stops the fight yeah that's the argument against elbows actually is that the cuts stop good fights but they also knock people why don't you just throw that out like a big boy is there garbage over there yeah is it just seeing it is like bothering you bag of snot I double wrapped it right there right there drop there I double wrapped it man sit on the table and that snot's trying to get out Oh yeah It's like alien It's like I had to get it out, sorry I don't know how we got from Sex robots to snot It was a circuitous path That's what happens on this podcast I'm watching a lot You go from like I'm like, how do they get there?

[1677] We don't even know We don't know what we did We don't know how it got there Well I guess I should probably also You know plug my, uh, you know, my new specials coming out on.

[1678] Oh, is that why you're here?

[1679] Is that why I'm here?

[1680] When is it coming out?

[1681] And how can the folks at home get it?

[1682] June 8th on Showtime, I'm American Warrior.

[1683] I sent you a clip, but I know you didn't watch it.

[1684] Yeah, I called it American.

[1685] Well, with the American, there's Eric is in the name American.

[1686] Right.

[1687] And so I have, I just spell it with a K. Oh, American.

[1688] Oh, I like.

[1689] Oh, look at that.

[1690] American Warriors.

[1691] On Showtime.

[1692] Ah, I like it.

[1693] That's actually, ooh, dude, that looks cool.

[1694] I like the background Where'd you film that shit In Portland At the Star Theater in Portland Oh dude I love Portland Yeah Portland is great And this one My first special The Ugly Truth That I um I was talking about Kevin Christie drew that for me Did he really?

[1695] Yeah isn't that fantastic That's amazing Kevin's so talented I wanted to be on a road And then like have a chicken Next to me With like grenades on it You know what I Like we'd buy the chicken Cross the road So you'll get it Thank you That's a great picture though man That's just as good He did a great job That looks amazing Yeah so I just In this one I really go for it On this one man You know I'm talking about Ward show protesting I'm talking about Nealing for the National Anthem Me Too Tiger Woods I'm going in on this one Yeah So you're happy with it I am happy with it I am happy with it Because the thing about One thing that's weird About specials now That you know They have to be You could tell, oh, they filmed that a year ago or two years ago, and it's like, we're not allowed to, like, you know.

[1696] Topical shit.

[1697] Do topical stuff.

[1698] And I feel like, because there's so much content out there right now, it's like, get it out there.

[1699] I want to know, like, for me, like, I want to know what Joe Rogan thinks about, you know, the stuff that's going on.

[1700] I want to see you talk about it for 30 minutes on a national scale.

[1701] And we just don't do that, and we got to do that now.

[1702] I think we should be doing that because they're putting out stuff so fast anyway.

[1703] Then it's like, it's not like, it's not special anymore.

[1704] You need to stop calling them specials.

[1705] You know, they're not special.

[1706] What is the name for?

[1707] for them if they're not specials, right?

[1708] It's our content.

[1709] It should be like our conversations.

[1710] So this is an Eric Griffin conversation.

[1711] The Rolling Stones don't put out a special.

[1712] They put out an album.

[1713] They put out an album.

[1714] Right?

[1715] Like, what do we do?

[1716] We put out a special.

[1717] They were special because it was only five of them a year.

[1718] Right.

[1719] And you had to be a giant to get one.

[1720] And it was like a, it was like a celebration of your career and your fans.

[1721] It was like, I've made it.

[1722] Here's this.

[1723] So your fans could go, yo, to not fans.

[1724] Come watch this.

[1725] This guy's really funny.

[1726] And you do make maybe four of them in a career.

[1727] A career.

[1728] Yeah.

[1729] I just, this is my second one now.

[1730] Nobody saw the first one.

[1731] You know what I mean?

[1732] The first one was that long ago either.

[1733] It was like two years ago?

[1734] No, it was last year.

[1735] It came out last year, but I taped it two years ago.

[1736] A year before.

[1737] So it took a year to come out.

[1738] It took a year to come out because they wanted it to come out with the show.

[1739] I'm dying up here, Sundays on Showtime.

[1740] They wanted it to come out with the show.

[1741] And so the same thing happened this year.

[1742] Like, oh, I'm dying up here's out, you know.

[1743] And if someone doesn't.

[1744] have showtime can they watch it on Amazon or anything like that eventually they'll be able to but you know it's one of those things you gotta have showtime on demand yeah you get to showtime anytime app oh okay showtime anytime and yeah you can watch it there and I just think that we need to I want to hear with all this stuff that's been going on especially with Trump in the Trump era imagine like do you see what he said today they thinks he could pardon himself dude there's always he wrote pardon in all caps he thinks he could pardon himself he wrote pardon in all Caps.

[1745] In all caps, he wrote pardon.

[1746] Like, this is like, like...

[1747] We did this.

[1748] Well, people did it.

[1749] I didn't do it.

[1750] I voted for Gary Johnson.

[1751] He was on my podcast.

[1752] I voted for him.

[1753] Yeah, well, see, what I'm saying?

[1754] Yeah.

[1755] So you'll see, well, that's a vote for Trump, really, in this day and age.

[1756] How dare you?

[1757] I'm just saying it.

[1758] It's not because it's California and California went for Clinton anyway.

[1759] But, um, because the electoral college.

[1760] Yeah, but by the way, if they took, if they got rid of electoral college, then the Republican candidate would come to California, they'd go up to Northern California, and they'd get 10, 15 million votes for them anyway.

[1761] Northern, yeah.

[1762] Northern California.

[1763] Anything between San Francisco and all the way down, the five, coming to here, too, not just Northern California.

[1764] Because people think of Northern California as being like San Francisco, but no, no, no, there's hours of driving above San Francisco.

[1765] You can drive for eight hours and still be in California.

[1766] Yeah.

[1767] California is a day drive.

[1768] Yeah.

[1769] If you go from Mexico all the way up to Oregon, it's a nightmare.

[1770] It's a day.

[1771] These people to live on the East Coast and Midwest, you know, they could, in two hours, they could go through four states.

[1772] You know what I mean?

[1773] And they have.

[1774] And it's not us, man. We'll be here in California.

[1775] That's why they want to change into, like, three Californians.

[1776] Have you heard that shit?

[1777] Yeah, and they don't want to do that shit.

[1778] They're talking about putting it on the ballot.

[1779] Be a poor state.

[1780] It wouldn't be good because L .A. would have all the fucking money.

[1781] Yeah.

[1782] You know, I mean, it would be L .A., San Francisco, and then farmers.

[1783] Yeah, I think they just want to get, it would be another.

[1784] What would they do to the, what would that do to the electoral votes?

[1785] That's a good question.

[1786] Like we have 55 now, so then it would be like, what, the main epicenter?

[1787] Well, wherever there's urban ethnic people, though, they're going to draw those.

[1788] What are the show me, Jamie?

[1789] California is the fifth largest economy in the world.

[1790] In the world.

[1791] Jesus Christ.

[1792] Yeah, take that Uruguay.

[1793] If we beat out the whole of the U .K., we beat out the United Kingdom.

[1794] Yeah.

[1795] United Kingdom is Scotland, too, right?

[1796] That's not just England, Scotland.

[1797] Who else is it?

[1798] Is it Ireland?

[1799] Is that the UK?

[1800] I think so, yeah.

[1801] Christ.

[1802] That's a big fucking place.

[1803] Isn't it like 20 % of the entire population of the United States live in California?

[1804] 13 % or something like that.

[1805] Something silly.

[1806] 8%.

[1807] It's like 1 .30.

[1808] But we don't know the real numbers.

[1809] Oh, I thought it was way more than that.

[1810] Yeah, it's a little bit less than that.

[1811] It was more before, I thought.

[1812] They think there's 20 million people here.

[1813] I don't think they're fucking counting.

[1814] Oh.

[1815] Did you ever get, does anybody count you?

[1816] Did you get counted?

[1817] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1818] What are they doing the counting?

[1819] they ain't counting anybody especially all the people that are here illegally how many people do you know that are illegally I don't know too many people that are illegally I used to know a lot of people who are Canadian I'm just so bougie now that I'm not even around people that where would they be they don't we don't run the same circles actually the lady that cleans my house she might be illegal what about the guy Blanca Her name's Blanca Are you an apartment or do you have a house?

[1820] No I don't have a house yet I'm saying I'm just I'm weird about it I'm just good move because I always feel like this job I'm in now is the last job I'll ever have and I'm going to need my money.

[1821] Well, let me stop you right there.

[1822] You're a funny dude and you're always going to do well.

[1823] But I still, but I want to get the house I want.

[1824] I want to get the house I want to die in.

[1825] Do you have a podcast?

[1826] No, I don't.

[1827] Time to get a podcast.

[1828] That's the next thing.

[1829] I'm working on it.

[1830] You're good at this.

[1831] Yeah, I, uh...

[1832] You'd be perfect at it.

[1833] I know, we'll be competing, right?

[1834] No. See, I have everybody on my podcast, man. I know.

[1835] People that, I mean, supposedly competing, but I want them to do well.

[1836] I think there's enough out there for everybody.

[1837] I really do.

[1838] I think that would stand up.

[1839] This is about people's own personal time anyway.

[1840] When they watch you, they listen to your podcast, and then they listen to the next one.

[1841] It's not like it's like, it's not live anymore.

[1842] Nothing's live anymore.

[1843] That's true.

[1844] I don't even know when my favorite shows come on.

[1845] I just put them in the queue and then I watch them.

[1846] All my shows come on on on Sunday night.

[1847] That's how I look at it.

[1848] Right.

[1849] Because that's when I watch TV.

[1850] Yeah, that's a unique thing.

[1851] And most of the shit I watch these days is on Netflix.

[1852] Yeah.

[1853] So it's all streaming.

[1854] Yeah.

[1855] Netflix, what a juggernaut they are.

[1856] God damn.

[1857] I don't think it's sustainable.

[1858] God damn.

[1859] It can't be sustainable.

[1860] Why's that?

[1861] Because...

[1862] Doing so well.

[1863] Yeah, but here's the thing.

[1864] If I drop $60 million, I'm Netflix.

[1865] I drop $60 million to make a project.

[1866] Right.

[1867] And you watch it in 10 hours.

[1868] Then you're like, hey, what's next?

[1869] I bet you, I guarantee you in a couple years, Netflix is going to stop this.

[1870] The whole show comes out in one sitting.

[1871] They're going to probably do it in chunks.

[1872] Why would they do that?

[1873] Because you want, you anticipate anticipation.

[1874] You're fired.

[1875] If you're working in the boardroom, as soon as you walked out of the door, I'd be like, fire him.

[1876] No, man. Get rid of him.

[1877] He's retarded.

[1878] He doesn't have any idea what he's talking about.

[1879] Don't.

[1880] Anticipation psychologically feels just as good as actual achieving their thing.

[1881] That anticipation you feel like waiting to see what happens next week.

[1882] Oh, you're on a showtime show.

[1883] I see what's going on.

[1884] This motherfucker right here.

[1885] I see what's going on.

[1886] You're trying to, like, justify being on a showtime show.

[1887] I think it's a good thing that they can.

[1888] come out on Sundays.

[1889] It is.

[1890] It is a good thing.

[1891] It's a good thing.

[1892] You can binge it at the end of the season.

[1893] See, before, before.

[1894] You can still binge in.

[1895] Yeah, but this model, obviously, is Uber successful.

[1896] Like, one of the most successful things ever.

[1897] Then why are they talking about they're losing money all the time?

[1898] What are you talking about?

[1899] They had an article about, look it out.

[1900] Netflix losing money.

[1901] Netflix made.

[1902] Netflix has hundreds of millions of subscribers.

[1903] I know, but they put out.

[1904] They pay $10 a month.

[1905] They make more money than anybody.

[1906] But then also putting out money If they're giving stand -up comics $20 million to make specials Not all stand -up comics They put out 52 specials Even if they, let's say they paid 100 ,000 Which I know they didn't They paid way more than that for each of them That's still a lot of money right there man Yeah, I like how you didn't even bother count I didn't want to count it like 50 million I'm the worst at doing simple math in my head I'm like 500 bucks times 25 weeks What is that like 15.

[1907] I don't know what the fuck that is.

[1908] It's a lot of money.

[1909] It's a lot of money, damn it.

[1910] They make Stranger Things.

[1911] Stranger Things is an expensive show.

[1912] God damn good show.

[1913] And then people watch it in one week, it's over.

[1914] But then you're saying as a Netflix person, hey, what's next?

[1915] Yeah, but millions of people watch it in that week.

[1916] No, I get that.

[1917] And those people are justifying that $10 a month that they spend.

[1918] That's why they have their content is constantly coming in.

[1919] It has to keep coming down.

[1920] Netflix is really close to surpassing Disney's valuation.

[1921] Do you know how crazy that is?

[1922] Netflix.

[1923] I did a Netflix special, by the way, in 2005.

[1924] Oh, shit.

[1925] You won the OG originals.

[1926] I was OG, son.

[1927] You imagine you didn't get $20 million, though?

[1928] Yeah, well, I'm happy.

[1929] But that's showing you that you're incorrect.

[1930] Netflix is making shit tons of money.

[1931] No, no. Just because they're valuable doesn't mean that they're making a profit.

[1932] They're taking on debt, so like they're playing a, it's business, so.

[1933] But how much are they making versus how much are they spending?

[1934] It's just like Uber.

[1935] Uber's evaluation was.

[1936] I think they took on like another.

[1937] $8 million, or excuse me, $8 billion in debt.

[1938] What does that mean, though, when they do that?

[1939] But is it based on their earnings?

[1940] Like, because they, if, well, aren't they making billions of dollars a year?

[1941] Yeah, they're making money and then they took on more debt.

[1942] So they just have reinvested it back into the company.

[1943] Like, they're not really interested in turning a profit maybe for 2017.

[1944] They're looking more into like 2025.

[1945] That's what I'm talking about, man. Do you know what you're saying?

[1946] Did you guess?

[1947] It's not sustainable.

[1948] But hold on a second.

[1949] But how much do they make?

[1950] Let's find out instead of just guessing.

[1951] Not that I'd give a fuck, but obviously Eric does because he's so invent.

[1952] invested in Showtime.

[1953] Oh, this guy.

[1954] This model of...

[1955] What does Showtime do to you?

[1956] I like that time I saw you...

[1957] My Netflix special that I did in 2005, we actually sold to Showtime.

[1958] See?

[1959] Once I got the rights to it, and then it went back to Netflix gig.

[1960] It's one of them licensing deals.

[1961] Well, now my licensing deal is just going to...

[1962] I don't know what it's going to be.

[1963] I don't know.

[1964] My first special I did with Rooftop, which was now owned by Amazon.

[1965] So I think you can get the audio...

[1966] Well, that's good.

[1967] You can get the audio on.

[1968] I think Amazon's going to buy Netflix.

[1969] Watch.

[1970] Look what Showtime has...

[1971] done for fucking Sebastian.

[1972] So I'm saying.

[1973] I mean, it's not a bad place to be.

[1974] This is not a bad place to be.

[1975] It's a great place to be.

[1976] If Showtime wants to be in the Eric Griffin business, I'm all about it.

[1977] No, I hear you, man. You know, so...

[1978] Showtime's great.

[1979] Don't get me wrong.

[1980] So my special comes out on Friday, but only 10 minutes at a time.

[1981] So then next week...

[1982] You'd be in the middle of a bit.

[1983] And this is what I think about Bill Cosby.

[1984] Tune in next week.

[1985] Hey, that might be the new model, man. American Warrior.

[1986] Episode 2.

[1987] We got to come up with, dude, you got to come up with some kind of gimmicks.

[1988] It's like there's so many specials out there.

[1989] Just keep swinging.

[1990] That's what I'm doing, man. Look, it's just me on stage.

[1991] There's no skits in the front or that back end.

[1992] Good.

[1993] There's none of that shit.

[1994] It's just an announcement.

[1995] Did anybody introduce you or did you just walk on stage?

[1996] No, somebody introduced me. New shit is just walking on stage.

[1997] Oh, and that's how you're doing it?

[1998] It just turns on.

[1999] It just walks on stage.

[2000] Okay, that's going to be the next one.

[2001] No introduction.

[2002] I did introduction last time.

[2003] I'm like, you know what, that's a waste of time.

[2004] I feel you, because especially when you have to cut it.

[2005] it down.

[2006] I had to cut out nine minutes.

[2007] Yeah, it's tricky, right?

[2008] Nine minutes.

[2009] People don't understand how long nine minutes is for comedy.

[2010] Yeah.

[2011] That's a long -ass time.

[2012] I was shooting babies, man. How many did you film?

[2013] I did twice.

[2014] Twice is good.

[2015] Yeah.

[2016] If I had to do it again, I would want to do it four times.

[2017] That's what I do.

[2018] And I would take the two second shows, be the one.

[2019] You know?

[2020] Well, I did four last time in San Francisco, my last one.

[2021] And then this one in Boston, I did four But you got four money, you know what?

[2022] Yeah, you got to pay more.

[2023] You got to have four money.

[2024] But you know what?

[2025] For me, it was like, I know you want to be loose.

[2026] And because of that, I was looser in the first show than I've ever been because I didn't just think I had two barrels.

[2027] I was tight as fuck in my first show here.

[2028] And the crowd was.

[2029] It was in Portland, you know?

[2030] So it was like these liberal, pretentious white people.

[2031] And you're talking about dangerous shit.

[2032] And I'm talking about all kinds of, it was, man. And you have to own it when you talk about this stuff.

[2033] You got to own it.

[2034] You do have to own it.

[2035] Unapologetic, all right?

[2036] That's how you have to do it.

[2037] So the second show I was so loosey -goosey and, you know, I thought, I think I captured something here.

[2038] Yeah, Portland's an interesting place because it's, it's real liberal to the point where they go so far left that they're like militant in a way.

[2039] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2040] But I had a great time there, man. I was, I had a great time there last time I was there.

[2041] I was there like six months ago.

[2042] I fucking loved it.

[2043] Do you find it like out there, it's, you know, in this Trump era, I find, I find that comedy has been challenging.

[2044] It's definitely, it's not just the Trump era.

[2045] It's the era of outrage.

[2046] Yes, yes, yeah.

[2047] But what I'm saying is, I find that Trump people are angry winners, you know?

[2048] They're angry winners.

[2049] Like, you won.

[2050] Your guy's in office.

[2051] They're gloaters.

[2052] And then you say anything and they're just like, fuck you, man. Oh, if you say anything bad about Trump, it's crazy.

[2053] I have.

[2054] They fucking come hard at you.

[2055] They come hard.

[2056] And I get it.

[2057] I get it.

[2058] That's your guy.

[2059] That's your guy.

[2060] That's your guy.

[2061] Well, he's the king of the assholes.

[2062] The assholes have never been represented before.

[2063] For real.

[2064] I don't know.

[2065] I think there's been quite a few assholes.

[2066] Not by a politician who's overtly assholeish.

[2067] Yeah, he's definitely...

[2068] When has that ever happened?

[2069] I know.

[2070] I'm a very stable genius.

[2071] Yeah.

[2072] Calls himself a stable genius.

[2073] Dude, that tweet is dark where he says, I have every right to pardon in all letters, in all capital letters, myself.

[2074] I looked at that.

[2075] morning and I got sick to my stomach a little bit.

[2076] It's just a guy that doesn't know how to do the job and it's not his fault that he was given the job.

[2077] Like well he went after it.

[2078] I know but he is it's not his fault he was the best candidate in the Republican Party.

[2079] Like they should be the ones that should be ashamed of themselves.

[2080] I was watching the Trevor Noah's show and he was showing this clip of Trump at a rally.

[2081] This is not, he's already won.

[2082] And he's up there saying you know, I, uh, they told me to say, drain the swamp.

[2083] Right.

[2084] I didn't like it.

[2085] He's saying this.

[2086] I didn't like that, but they said it would work.

[2087] Like, he's even, he even has contempt for the people that believed the bullshit that he was saying.

[2088] He has contempt for them by just going like, you know, I said these things just to get elected.

[2089] And it worked.

[2090] And like, these other people, they just were horrible candidates.

[2091] Kevin Christie.

[2092] And so he was.

[2093] Chris, Christ.

[2094] Chris.

[2095] I said Kevin Christie.

[2096] He was on my mind.

[2097] The guy that drew my...

[2098] The awesome artist.

[2099] The awesome artist.

[2100] Yeah.

[2101] So, you know...

[2102] Kevin Christie's right now listening to this going, what the fuck did I do to you, right?

[2103] I know.

[2104] I drew that awesome cover for you.

[2105] I didn't run for him.

[2106] I don't know.

[2107] I'm grateful motherfucker.

[2108] So why wouldn't he be an asshole?

[2109] Why wouldn't he be like a sore winner?

[2110] You know what I mean?

[2111] He's a gloater.

[2112] I get it.

[2113] But it's the age of outrage.

[2114] And this is like what we're seeing from this Roseanne stuff.

[2115] Like, dude, I've been called a racist more times over the last few days for defending Roseanne's.

[2116] and saying that I know her, she's mentally ill, and that she's on all kinds of pills.

[2117] I don't think she's a racist.

[2118] Listen, I'm going to say this, too, that I think that this is a just because you can doesn't mean you should situation.

[2119] Can I tweet something inappropriate?

[2120] Of course you can.

[2121] Should you, when you have all of these things that you're responsible for?

[2122] Sure.

[2123] You're the lead of a show.

[2124] You know, it's a show, a family show.

[2125] you're on a family network you have a lot of people's jobs that are depending on you and I think there was just an error in judgment oh 100 % now do I think that she's a racist I think that I think that if she had just called the woman just ugly and talked about her job would this have been the same thing but you add you know it's like if you call somebody a bitch okay there's a problem people can have a problem with that you call somebody a black bit and all of a sudden, that changes it.

[2126] Oh, yeah.

[2127] If you call somebody a black monkey bitch, then you're like, okay, where is this coming from?

[2128] Well, the perfect example is Samantha B calling Ivanka Trump a feckless cunt, and she said it on TV.

[2129] I mean, that was prepared.

[2130] Like, someone wrote that out as a part of her monologue.

[2131] She said it on television, and then they apologized.

[2132] They're like, ah, shouldn't have said it.

[2133] And TVS is like, we're good.

[2134] But the advertisers are not good.

[2135] They're pulling out left and right.

[2136] But here's the thing with Roseanne.

[2137] She's not well.

[2138] This is a fact.

[2139] Like, I know, I've talked to her.

[2140] She's told me, I've talked to other people who know her.

[2141] I talk to people who worked with her.

[2142] She's mentally ill. She talks openly about it.

[2143] But if you're not well?

[2144] Hold on a second.

[2145] She's on a host of medications.

[2146] She's on antidepressants.

[2147] She's on ambient.

[2148] She's drinking.

[2149] She's smoking pot.

[2150] She's 66 years old.

[2151] She's not, she's not well.

[2152] She's smoked cigarettes.

[2153] She's out of it.

[2154] like she's got real mental issues now here's the thing if she had problems with her lungs and she was smoking cigarettes and coughing up blood would and doing stupid shit like trying to run marathons would people go hey you know what the fuck is wrong with you you know you think you could run a marathon what are you were you fucking stupid no they wouldn't because they would go oh she's got an illness this is why she can't run this is why she's coughing up blood she's got a mental illness she's mentally ill this is a fact that's why why she's on so many different medications.

[2155] But does mental illness, if you were starting to get mentally ill, are you saying that, like, saying, like, sort of overtly racist things?

[2156] First of all, she didn't know that lady was black.

[2157] Have you ever seen that woman?

[2158] She does not look black.

[2159] She thought that lady was Jewish.

[2160] When she said Planet of the Apes, she said it because of her haircut, because she looks like that lady from the Planet of the Apes.

[2161] She swears, and she sweared to me on the phone.

[2162] This is her exact word.

[2163] She goes, I would never fucking say that.

[2164] You think I'm so stupid that I would call a black Lady Planet of the Eve.

[2165] She goes, I thought she was Jewish.

[2166] She goes, look at her.

[2167] She doesn't look black.

[2168] Oh, that makes it okay.

[2169] She's, it doesn't.

[2170] But she's, she's Jewish too.

[2171] I mean, that was the other thing.

[2172] Someone said, well, look, she did this.

[2173] She dressed up like Hitler and had Jew cookies and she was baking him back in the day.

[2174] Yeah, she's a shitster.

[2175] By the way, she's also Jewish.

[2176] You know, I think she gets a free pass on doing that.

[2177] But I think that when you make a mistake, this is what's missing from our society now.

[2178] She made a mistake.

[2179] You should be allowed to apologize for that mistake.

[2180] Right.

[2181] Live with the shame.

[2182] and then you move on.

[2183] But what we're trying to do now is remove people from society altogether.

[2184] Like, I don't want to, like, I'm not going to, like, we're not going to excuse her behavior.

[2185] We're not even going to say that there's, you know, a reason, even whatever the reason is, all the mental illness and all this kind of stuff, it's still a mistake what happened.

[2186] She's well enough to work on a television show.

[2187] So I'm saying she made this mistake, and I'm not with, I'm not with saying that she's a racist, either because even when I read that I thought that I don't as a I'm just saying as a comic we say things that a regular person is going to translate the math into like well this is because you don't like black people or women or you don't like Jews or you don't like that's not how we operate we're just trying to be funny we just trying to be funny and I think that she comes from an error where this is what you would say to be funny and biting yeah and I think when she looked back on it she went oh I didn't know this person was black now the people out there listening You can believe it or not.

[2188] But at the same time...

[2189] The Susan Rice comment from a long time ago is way worse.

[2190] Because Susan Rice is clearly black.

[2191] And she did a comment a long time ago.

[2192] I think it was like 2013, but she said Susan Rice is a man with giant swinging ape balls.

[2193] That's what she said.

[2194] Now, that is way worse.

[2195] That's way worse.

[2196] And that is a woman who's clearly black.

[2197] I mean, you look at Susan Rice.

[2198] She's not racially ambiguous at all.

[2199] this other woman Valerie I don't know her name Jared she's she's got straight hair she's got light complexion she's a it's all about intent though what you're talking about right right but it's it's what her intent was to be funny she is obviously not doing but first of all she was drunk and on Ambien and Ambien is a class Hamilton Morris sent me an email about this he's explaining it to me and then I talked to a sleep therapist about it there there's a type of drug that Ambien is that's called a hypnotic.

[2200] And this is one of the reasons why Ambien has so many weird side effects associated with it.

[2201] Um, my friend Kevin James, uh, Kevin James got up in the middle of the night, cooked a meal, went to bed, got up in the morning.

[2202] And, uh, he had like, his wife like confronted him.

[2203] Like, did you do this?

[2204] He's, I didn't fucking do that.

[2205] And she's like, no, the food's in the track.

[2206] Like, you cooked it.

[2207] You ate it.

[2208] He's like, I did not.

[2209] I did not eat that.

[2210] And she's like, Okay, if you didn't do it, who did?

[2211] And, like, he had to, like, come to grips with the fact that he was on Ambien.

[2212] He got up, cooked a meal for himself, had no recollection of it, went back to sleep.

[2213] My mom was on Ambien.

[2214] She got up in the middle of the night and drew on the shag carpet.

[2215] She had a white shag carpet in her bathroom with lipstick and with nail polish, like a little kid.

[2216] She goes, I don't remember doing it at all.

[2217] She says, it's scary shit.

[2218] I know a bunch of people that have had weird experiences on that stuff.

[2219] But if you stay in somebody's house.

[2220] And you were on Ambien and you messed up their shag carpet?

[2221] You'd apologize.

[2222] You'd apologize for it.

[2223] But this is what I'm saying with her.

[2224] And then maybe say, don't say Ambien.

[2225] She's also drunk on antidepressants, which you're not supposed to be.

[2226] And then she's smoking pot, which I'm sure you're probably not supposed to do either when you're on those things.

[2227] And she's an older lady who just got off of an exhausting schedule that almost, she, in her words, almost killed her.

[2228] She had bronchitis when she was filming.

[2229] I'm saying she's not doing well.

[2230] So she made a fucked up mistake and she apologized, but everybody wants to bury her, man. And I'm not with that.

[2231] I'll tell you with you.

[2232] It's like you can't, but that's the society that we live in right now.

[2233] That's just like jump to outrage right now.

[2234] Not just outrage, but we want to end your career.

[2235] Like, why do we want to end someone's career for fucking up?

[2236] Like, it's one thing.

[2237] Like, here's the thing.

[2238] Like, if she was not mentally ill, there was nothing wrong with her.

[2239] Like, say if someone from, let's just pick a sitcom.

[2240] Big Bang Theory, you know, let's say the guy from...

[2241] Is that on Stevie, Stevie, Stevie still?

[2242] What's on TV right now?

[2243] Stevie?

[2244] Is that a different type of TV?

[2245] It's on CBS or just, yeah, yeah.

[2246] What's a new one that's on TV?

[2247] What's a new one?

[2248] Like, let's say, all right.

[2249] Neither one of these guys watch TV.

[2250] They don't even have any anymore.

[2251] It's a Big Bang Theory song.

[2252] Oh, it is.

[2253] Okay.

[2254] All right, Big Bank Theory.

[2255] If, is a pretty blonde girl in the Big Bank Theory?

[2256] I don't know what name?

[2257] What if that girl gets on TV and she, or she gets on Twitter and she says something totally racist throw some end bombs you know like and there's nothing wrong with her she's like this is just how i feel and then they come after and they go well fuck this bitch she shouldn't be on television she's racist she doesn't represent how america views people in 2018 she's archaic get her off the fucking air this is but this is you can't get away with this anymore this is in 1920s this is 2018 that would be acceptable i understand that if you found a real hateful person she secretly has like a swastick a tattoo somewhere and she's she's an evil person this is not the case with rosan this just not it's just not the case she's an older lady who's mentally disturbed and on a fucking host of competing medications for her consciousness well that should be the reason why she needs help yeah we got to get her some help but it's a crazy thing it's like she was america's sweetheart just a couple of weeks ago i know and now fucking that's how quickly everybody hates her that's how quickly and people are calling me a racist for saying what I said right there.

[2258] This is not an unusual thing in our society.

[2259] Like, we, this is, this very much reminds me of the Salem witch hunt.

[2260] You know, this is the same kind of thing.

[2261] A little bit, right?

[2262] You know, it's like the scarlet letter.

[2263] Like, how old is the scarlet letter?

[2264] And we're still doing that now.

[2265] McCarthyism.

[2266] Yeah.

[2267] This is something that we're prone to it.

[2268] Do you think it's because people are scared that they're going to get called out on it themselves?

[2269] So when they see someone who's doing something wrong, they go after him, attack him with everything they have, to almost to divert.

[2270] And he sort of, because people are scared that people are going to turn on them, especially in this day and age.

[2271] When people turn on people for, like, you know the Garrison Keeler story?

[2272] Mm -mm.

[2273] He's the saddest story in this Me Too stuff.

[2274] Because Garrison Keeler is a guy who had the Lake Wobigon Chronicles, is this PBS show, this radio shows ongoing for decades, and he's a writer.

[2275] And he hugged a woman.

[2276] She was, he was consoling her.

[2277] He hugged her.

[2278] And apparently, while he was hugging her, his arm went down her back.

[2279] on her back, and he apologized, she pulled away, you apologize, he sent her a letter, he apologized, you know, he said, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that.

[2280] She says, don't worry, no worries, don't worry about it.

[2281] Years later, when all this Me Too frenzy, she brings this up, he gets fired, they pull his name off the show.

[2282] For touching a girl's back, it's like the frenzy was so hot, they didn't want to be accused of not doing anything, so they pulled this guy.

[2283] I know.

[2284] And, you know, there's the worst side of it, right?

[2285] There's the Harvey Weinsteins of the world.

[2286] There's the people that are absolutely monsters, right?

[2287] There's those people.

[2288] But then there's people that just got caught up in the wave of outrage.

[2289] And it's just, it's a strange, a strange time.

[2290] Like, there's no balance to it.

[2291] Well, the pendulum is going to swing until, you know, our attitudes balance out.

[2292] I mean, the fact the Me Too movement is not a bad thing because it's bringing up some serious issues that we've had in our society.

[2293] It's a great thing to happen.

[2294] So, but in the moment.

[2295] meantime, there's going to be collateral damage for that until we now get back to a time where we can, like, men will act like gentlemen, and we'll be able to have interpersonal relationships with women at work and in a setting and make it professional.

[2296] But at the same time, we also don't want a sterile environment.

[2297] You know, when you go to these, like, seminars, because like, even for our show, now, because of all this, you have to have, like, a sexual harassment meeting before you start.

[2298] Well, they had those in the 90s.

[2299] Exactly.

[2300] I went to those for Hardball show that I was on in 94.

[2301] But one of the things they always say, because you can't define this, you know it when you see it.

[2302] Well, that's what they used to say about pornography.

[2303] But that's what we've lost that ability to understand that.

[2304] Like, I think that that applies to.

[2305] But legally, that's not a good definition.

[2306] It's a problem.

[2307] But that is the definition.

[2308] It's the same thing that goes with oversensitivity.

[2309] I think that too.

[2310] We should know it when we see it.

[2311] And we're not recognizing that.

[2312] It's like, you know, you're acting, this is a bit much right now sometimes.

[2313] Did you hear about the two college kids that got drunk and had sex?

[2314] And the boy, upon waking up and sobering up, decided to preemptively accuse the girl of sexual assault because he was intoxicated.

[2315] So he filed and went after her.

[2316] She got suspended from school.

[2317] They had to do it because otherwise, you know, they would be sexist because they do it all the time if it's a boy and a girl.

[2318] It's always thought that if a boy, like, do you know the Occidental College story?

[2319] So a pretty famous story from a few years back where these two kids, they were in college.

[2320] The guy texts the girl, you know, I'm coming over.

[2321] She's like, do you have condoms?

[2322] He says yes.

[2323] You know, like, so clearly intent has been established, right?

[2324] Goes over, has sex with her.

[2325] Her friends convince her because she was intoxicated that it was sex under the influence.

[2326] So it was rape.

[2327] And so she goes to the university officials and they suspend the boy.

[2328] He sues and wins.

[2329] And the whole thing is chaos because this kid gets kicked out of fucking school.

[2330] Actually, did he win?

[2331] I need to know that if he won.

[2332] I think you did.

[2333] Yeah, let's fact check that.

[2334] Occidental.

[2335] But now you've got to have a, now to even interact with it when you have to have a notary.

[2336] Well, that's what they're saying is that people.

[2337] Video, I consent to, you know.

[2338] So here's where it gets even screwier.

[2339] There was a real article the other day that was saying, is it physically possible for two people to simultaneously sexual assault each other?

[2340] And they're debating this in college because they're trying to figure out if two people are both drunk.

[2341] And like, they get together and they're both sloppy and fucking.

[2342] hammered and they decide to have sex.

[2343] Do they both sexually assault each other?

[2344] Isn't this really about choices that we make?

[2345] Well, it's also about taking responsibility for your actions if you're an adult.

[2346] If you decide to get in your car and you're drunk and you plow into a bus and kill a bunch of people, no one says, oh, Eric was just drunk.

[2347] He is not responsible for his actions.

[2348] You're responsible for your actions if you're drunk, if you're drying a car and he kills somebody.

[2349] But the idea is that if a girl comes over your house and you're drunk and you're not responsible for your actions then, especially if you're a girl and you're drunk, you're not responsible for your actions then if you're having sex with a guy.

[2350] But you're definitely responsible for your actions if you're a girl and you get in a car and drive and hit someone and kill them.

[2351] But at the same time though, like a girl, a girl or anyone should be allowed to be with her friends or with his friends and you get sloppy drunk.

[2352] And you're protected.

[2353] You should be, it's not okay that somebody decided to like go further with it.

[2354] Sure.

[2355] Well, the most egregious case is obviously Cosby because that was his thing.

[2356] I mean, if he did do what everybody's accusing him of doing and we have no reason to think he didn't, he was taking people that thought of him as a mentor and thought that he was going to help their career.

[2357] And that was his hustle.

[2358] And he would just drug him.

[2359] And they'd wake up with their pussy sore and their fucking pants off and not knowing what happened and be super confused.

[2360] It's horrible.

[2361] I mean, that's the worst version of it.

[2362] it and then it's like you know this is one of those things around saying it's like this that it's hard to define there's no like real definition you can't put it down in writing to say like this is what this is because then you got a situation where you're out on a date with someone things are going well you think it's going well you get into bed and then that person in what for whatever reason decides uh i think we should stop i don't want to do this anymore and that that that could be that could be on the same level as drugging somebody Aziz and sorry case clubbing them on the head That girl writes that crazy fucking story The 5 ,000 word story That Aziz's a sorry thing It's just about him not being a gentleman Right That's all that was Not just that But she was just grossed out by it And decided to go after him But you know I can understand Being in a situation Like you know people got on the woman Because they were like you know Hey you still blew him three times right Yeah But I understand that being in a situation where you're like you're because this happened to me all right i i was at a comedy club you know i told this girl this is years ago i told this guy said she was like i'm coming back to your hotel like you know i don't think you should i didn't want to i wasn't like i wasn't she forced herself on you it wasn't i mean just explained imagine if you were a girl that's that's where it gets really scary but first of all everything she's saying to me this whole night up to getting to my hotel if i would have done that to a woman it's rape assault abuse like threatening from the jump.

[2363] You heard Ali Wong talk about this?

[2364] I mean, no, but this is what happened.

[2365] So I get, I say to her, I was like, I don't think, I said I wasn't really into her at the time.

[2366] I wasn't, I was like, I don't know if this is a good idea.

[2367] You know, I think you should go home, you know.

[2368] And then she's like, no, I'll walk you to your hotel because we were hanging out the whole this, everybody's hanging at this place after the Sunday night show, you know.

[2369] I said, okay, we get to the hotel.

[2370] I go, well, thanks for walking me, but I think you should probably, no. I'm going to clean your dick with my mouth.

[2371] Yeah, you know, I was like, that's, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, I'll give you a massage It was all this kind of stuff I'm like I think you should go I'm not really And then my ego kicks in Because I'm like well you know All right you like me like this Okay So we get up We finally get upstairs I still am like Maybe we shouldn't do this You know And then she starts to like Oh you're oh It's because you're not into me It's because I'm hideous or whatever So now I felt like Oh I have to fuck her I felt like I got to do this.

[2372] It's like I had to do this because I don't want to come across like I'm, you know, what I'm saying about, the reason, how I apply this to the Z situation is the fact that this girl is in a situation where she feels like, I guess I have to do this.

[2373] Like, I may not want to do it.

[2374] I don't know.

[2375] We're speculating.

[2376] You know, I've been in a situation where I didn't necessarily want to do it, but I felt like the social pressure of like, well, may I have to follow through with what I'm doing right now.

[2377] Yeah, no, I get it.

[2378] Yeah, that's definitely probably not.

[2379] And then in the morning, I had to fly.

[2380] When we're not even in the morning.

[2381] I said, we're finished.

[2382] And I'm like, I said, hey, you know, you got to go because I got a pack.

[2383] And she started to cry.

[2384] Oh, boy.

[2385] And I thought if this was happening now, this could be a situation.

[2386] It could easily be somebody, she could tell her story differently.

[2387] So we don't know.

[2388] That's why there's no rules.

[2389] What this lady did was she was aggressive and flirting and she wanted what she wanted and she got it.

[2390] You know, so that sometimes is okay, depending on the person that you're dealing with.

[2391] but that same situation with someone else could be no this was horrible right i i felt intimidated i felt you know it's all in how you interpret it interpret it yeah it's definitely it depends on who's talking and yeah whether or not you're attracted to like here's a perfect example if you and your girlfriend um decided to get drunk and your girlfriend was drunk and she called you up and said uh come out over you know uh you know i'm horny i want you to fuck me if you went over and did it, you would in some people's eyes be guilty of sexual assault because she was drunk and she couldn't consent.

[2392] And this is why I'd never done that, by the way.

[2393] One of my ex -girlfriends was like that, she wanted to get drunk.

[2394] Really?

[2395] She was like, I just want to have sex when I'm drunk, you know, I just couldn't do it.

[2396] Wow, because you were nervous about it?

[2397] It wasn't about, it just, it was, just me personally, I didn't drink.

[2398] Oh, you don't drink at all?

[2399] I don't drink at all.

[2400] So I always felt like if I'm not drinking, it just feels like what if she says she wants to do something, thing that she doesn't normally want to do.

[2401] And then she's going to get sober and be like, why did you do that to my butthole or whatever?

[2402] You know what I mean?

[2403] Like, why did it?

[2404] And you're like, well, but you said because it always come back to, well, you know, I was drunk.

[2405] And I didn't really mean.

[2406] I didn't, you know, then I'm like, okay, I don't want to be the choice maker in that situation.

[2407] Well, that's the best thing about not drinking, right?

[2408] In that situation, if you don't drink, you never have to think like that.

[2409] But that's why sometimes I don't want to hang out.

[2410] Sometimes I don't want to hang out with people that are like, they get dumb drunk, you're out, then I become responsible?

[2411] Oh, well, well, it's the worst when you're sober.

[2412] Yeah, it's like, whoa, I don't want to deal with this.

[2413] Because their behavior is so fucking gross.

[2414] Gross.

[2415] Yeah.

[2416] You know, then you see your friend, especially if you have like a female friend.

[2417] You're not like that with them, but then you're out, and then she's, you know, her skirt's coming up and you see the creepy guy.

[2418] You see the guy that she's like, oh, man, what do I do right now?

[2419] Like, if I don't stop her from going and then something happens that she doesn't want, to happen?

[2420] Is it my fault?

[2421] And she's like, you're a fucking hater.

[2422] I love him.

[2423] Yeah, yeah.

[2424] So cute.

[2425] And we were going to have an amazing time.

[2426] And you fucking hate her.

[2427] This, all this Harvey Weinstein and all this kind of shit, it's set, you know, it's set ugly dudes back like 20 years.

[2428] All my advances that I've made with hot chicks has just been like, I'm so glad I have a girlfriend during this time.

[2429] But you're not in a position of power.

[2430] Here's the thing.

[2431] It's not about ugly.

[2432] It's about Harvey Weinstein being in control of a studio and scaring all those girls into fucking them and allegedly raping some of them you know i mean i don't know what he did or didn't do but he definitely did a lot of shit i wish i just wish that a lot of these people will i wish it's too maybe now people will have the courage to like come out because it's such to hear about like you know this happened to angeline and joly and then like oh so then she there was a certain time when she was like right the most famous woman in hollywood and she didn't say anything yeah so it's It sucks that we live in a...

[2433] I know it sucks that we live in a culture.

[2434] So maybe that's why some innocent people are getting caught in the crossfire.

[2435] So we can obliterate this sort of behavior and attitude from our culture.

[2436] But in the meantime, while we're going through this, there's going to be some keelers and there's going to be some people that are going to get caught in the crossfire.

[2437] Did you ever drink?

[2438] No. No, no, no. I never wanted to.

[2439] When I was in high school, I had friends with drink and stuff.

[2440] And I just, I didn't like to taste, you know?

[2441] I had half a beer at a party one time when I was like, what?

[2442] This is disgusting, you know?

[2443] And then it was, you know what really decided for me?

[2444] It was like the 1999 -2000 New Year's, like going into, you know, Y2K.

[2445] Going into that, I was at a party that I was like, I never want to be like this.

[2446] People were hammered.

[2447] Just.

[2448] That was a weird one, right?

[2449] Everybody was super drunk on Y2K.

[2450] They thought it was the end.

[2451] The power was going to shut off forever.

[2452] I was taking care of somebody's baby.

[2453] you know yeah because that's what they at this party i had a baby who the fuck gave you a baby no i was taking because they were drunk everybody wait a minute i was at a party drunk and left you with their baby i had the baby i had the baby come on yeah it was a crazy party who the fuck are these people with a baby and i stopped and that and the husband he's that poor kid is 18 years old now confused as fuck in the back giffin was babysitting me back in 2000 i'm taking care of people so then i you hear these rooms you hear these stories about people die because they're choking on their own vomit.

[2454] So like there's people that are like passed out like this so I got to turn people to their side and I thought and I said I never want to be like this.

[2455] You were turning people and holding a baby?

[2456] And holding a baby It was the worst.

[2457] It was a shitback party.

[2458] It was a shit whole party man and I got invited.

[2459] I got invited and I went these were some of my friends I was a clean I was the wolf in this shit dude I was the wolf so if you're having a party and you think it's going to get crazy you call Eric Griffin and I'm going to come I'm the wolf.

[2460] That's the craziest party I've ever heard of.

[2461] So after that, I knew I didn't want to, so I recently, I went with a buddy of mine to on vacation, you know, and when we went, that deal was, he was like, come on, man, you got to have some drinks.

[2462] So I had like, I had like a banana daquery on a, you know, and I was like, this is okay.

[2463] And then I had, you know, when you go to like, you're on a resort vacation, they always be like a special at the bar, you know, like, hey, have today's drink.

[2464] I said, I'll try it.

[2465] I had like 15 % of that thing.

[2466] And I was loopy.

[2467] Yeah, I was ready to, you know, tweet racist shit.

[2468] So I was like, I was like, not, not.

[2469] What about weed?

[2470] No weed either.

[2471] Never?

[2472] My current girlfriend, she loves weed.

[2473] So I tried one time.

[2474] Yeah, did you get nervous?

[2475] Yeah, I was like, I don't like this.

[2476] I was like, how do you, I can't be like this.

[2477] You know, so I, that's why I do.

[2478] If I didn't have, Joe, if I didn't have comedy, what would you do?

[2479] I'd be a crazy person.

[2480] Well, you're a crazy person now.

[2481] You're just calming it down with comedy.

[2482] But you're a good crazy person.

[2483] You're a very nice guy.

[2484] I legit need comedy.

[2485] This sounds like one of those cliche type of things, but I rely on it.

[2486] I go to therapy, you know?

[2487] I go to therapy.

[2488] And it's been great for me. You know, it's really been great.

[2489] I love going to therapy.

[2490] I love, because I feel like I can talk to somebody and then intellectualize things on a level that, like, you can't necessarily do with regular people.

[2491] And I'm not judged.

[2492] Someone who understands human nature.

[2493] Yes.

[2494] Yes.

[2495] Yes.

[2496] And they can go over all.

[2497] Yes.

[2498] why you did this or what what was the insecurity that triggered that?

[2499] Boom.

[2500] And it applied.

[2501] And I've learning things about myself.

[2502] I'm learning things about like, like I was the only child, you know, single mom.

[2503] So there's all these things I've learning about like why I interact with, you know, my girlfriend the way I do because of my mom and like, you know, my friendships and why I get angry about certain things.

[2504] It applies to things on stage.

[2505] Yeah.

[2506] Like, you know, so I'm really why I have so many of these types of relationships in my life where people are like, you know, need.

[2507] right you know like I find myself being like the one that's trying to help I don't have a lot of equal relationships I learned all these things probably felt vulnerable as a kid and when you see vulnerable people you want to help them yes you can relate and my mom too my mom went through a lot to get to the states you know she was from you know Belize you know in Central America and like just coming here and hearing her stories and like you know having to like be somebody to take I had I was 15 years old having to take care of my mom like you know you know her emotions were and so then I that had enough effect on me, you know?

[2508] But I didn't learn this until I was able to go talk to a professional.

[2509] Are you close to your dad?

[2510] I had never met my dad, you know, single parent.

[2511] You never met my dad.

[2512] So, thanks for bringing that up.

[2513] I don't know mine either.

[2514] Mine's name is Joe Rogan.

[2515] Shit, he's out there someplace.

[2516] He's out there.

[2517] Yeah, I've never met my dad.

[2518] And then I thought people, did you ever want to meet your dad?

[2519] Did you ever?

[2520] See, you know what's funny?

[2521] My mom, I mean, I met him.

[2522] I knew him until I was like six.

[2523] Oh, that's worse.

[2524] I never knew.

[2525] So I think that that's when you, if you know them a little bit and then they're gone, that sucks.

[2526] The good thing is it made me realize that you can't count on people, but you can count on some people.

[2527] But yeah, I did.

[2528] Definitely have trust issues for a long time.

[2529] But become someone that people count on and count on people.

[2530] That's what you do.

[2531] I have a tight group of friends.

[2532] Like me and my friends are very close.

[2533] I get it.

[2534] I would do anything for my friends.

[2535] And family, too.

[2536] See, I have a certain, there's a certain level of loyalty that I have because of that too.

[2537] that yeah well you understand it where someone who grows up in a big household filled with people and the family was always there and everyone was there you might take people for granted a little bit you know whereas for me camaraderie and closeness and all that that shit means a lot to me it's very very important i remember asking my mom about my dad when i was like i don't know 17 18 you know and she got really offended you know she was like i raised you and you know and that made me think like i was like but women have their secrets like they have their things and I didn't want her to I never I don't begrudge her I don't want to pry and I didn't want to find out like maybe he wanted to be in my life but my mom was like no who knows you know she think my mom she could have been vindictive like that but I don't know but I didn't hold it against her but she told me his name and she was like if you want to use this on your own you know that kind of thing and I had the name for like a week and then I forgot it and that told me that didn't matter so I had ever since I never worried about it good for you yeah it's There's some people that bothers them for their whole life.

[2538] Tell you one thing that happened, though, when you have kids, you're bond with your kids.

[2539] It's like, it's, I mean, I would assume that everyone's bond with their children is very tight because it's an unbelievable love connection that you have with children.

[2540] Like true unconditional love.

[2541] It's not just true unconditional.

[2542] It's like they're a drug.

[2543] Like they give you love to the point where, like, my daughter, my youngest was, we were playing the other day in the pool.

[2544] and there was a point in time we were just laughing about something together just laughing and I'm looking at her face and she's laughing and I felt like I was on drugs I was like the love that I have for these people is so intense and it's also I didn't get that when I was a kid I didn't know exactly what you're saying man my parents my mom worked my stepdad was a really good guy but no one was ever around you know there's just there was no and when they were done working everybody was tired you know I was a latchkey kid you know When I was like seven years old I lived in San Francisco I would go out and do a magic show on Fisherman's Wharf by myself Just wander around the city They would open the door You'd just leave seven I can't imagine that I spent a lot of time by myself too Because my mom was working And like By herself Trying trying to make it Trying to make sure that I had a good life So I was just by myself you know Eric if you have kids With this young lady Or another young lady Your connection with that kid will be It'll blow your fucking mind It'll change who you are I feel like that's what I've been lacking And that's why I've been more open to, you know, thinking about these kinds of things.

[2545] You seem like a dad.

[2546] Yeah.

[2547] Well, because I'm looking, I'm picturing you a dad right now.

[2548] But my whole life, I've been like, you know, I've been like that role for so many people in my life.

[2549] Right.

[2550] You're holding a baby and turning over drunks.

[2551] I've taken, yeah, man. I've been taking care of people like pancakes.

[2552] I've been taking care of my whole life, man. It's crazy.

[2553] So that's why I always feel like, I always feel like, yeah, I've already had, one of my best friends in the world is like someone that I, that's like I've had to take care of.

[2554] You know, he's had a little drinking problem and, yeah, but I've been.

[2555] there the whole time and I and even though people would be like you know you you have to like you know that people they think that you know you have to let him hit rock bottom but I'm just not like that yeah I've been through that too I had a very good friend of mine it's my best friend who died of heroin and he was um always fucked up there was always something it was always he had a crack problem for a while and then he got on pills and it was he was either snorting it or it was like he already lying very much reminds me of this guy And Joey Diaz did a little bit too.

[2556] When I first met Joey, it was like right after my friend Johnny.

[2557] Well, it was right before Johnny had died.

[2558] Johnny was still alive.

[2559] But I had known people like Joey because of my friend Johnny.

[2560] But, you know, it was just, I always was there for him.

[2561] I was always trying to take care of him.

[2562] I was always trying to help him.

[2563] But it was just, he was always, there was always something going wrong.

[2564] And it never.

[2565] But there was these brief moments, man, where he'd be fine and we'd be laughing and we'd have the best time.

[2566] And that's why you fight for it.

[2567] It's those times.

[2568] Because I was always thinking that one day he was going to get it together.

[2569] I had the same thing with my friend.

[2570] It's like it's still going on with me right now.

[2571] It's like, you know, when you deal with someone that deals with depression, real depression, you know, lost his mother and, you know, and how that affected his whole life.

[2572] And it's like, so I'm there and he's younger than me. So I feel this mentorship and I just feel like a loyalty that I just can't shake.

[2573] So I, you know, and I know when I go to therapy, I, I, I, I, I, I. I want to ask, why am I this way?

[2574] Right.

[2575] You know, and then I realize that comedy has been dampering my own depressions or my own feelings because I feel like I'm dealing with it in some way.

[2576] So sometimes I go and talk about things and I talk about things in a way, I just know a whole's bar because I want to, I want to get this out.

[2577] Right.

[2578] I feel like this, you know, or if I don't like something and then combine that with we live in a society right now where people don't want to necessarily hear an opinion that is not theirs well there's definitely a little of that right and so then therefore we get this like it becomes it's tougher and tougher to do what we do but it's not going to stop me from doing it but it's it's sweeter and sweeter when you pull it off you know especially if you pull off some controversial shit yeah just got to navigate the waters that's exactly what I feel like I've been I've been doing and I think I did it with this special I think I tried to talk about things in a way where I was like okay you may not agree but you don't have to vilify me you know you don't You have to like, you know, you know.

[2579] But anyway, it all goes back to, like, you know, like who we are as people because of, like, our parents, you know.

[2580] Right.

[2581] You know, and it's like I love my mom.

[2582] I love my stepdad.

[2583] Stepdad is a great guy.

[2584] I'm glad he's in my mom's life.

[2585] You know, they're off in Spain right now.

[2586] They moved to Spain like a, like I say, like a year and a half ago.

[2587] And so they're there, you know, and I'm happy that she's happy in a later part of her life.

[2588] That's awesome.

[2589] You know?

[2590] Yeah.

[2591] That's, I mean, look, man, at the end of the day, it should be just about enjoying this experience, just having time with people you care about and enjoying it and it's hard to figure out what i mean we're very very fortunate in a lot of ways but one of the big ones is that you and i found comedy and you imagine i mean don't you look at other people sometimes and go how the fuck they live without telling jokes dude how do they live without killing when i see some bullshit happen on tv i go that guy needs to go do an open mic set you know you need to go get that out man go get that out well you know that feeling that you get like Friday night in the OR you just smash and you get off stage like tell me there's a better feeling out there because whatever I was feeling it all goes away yeah or but that's why I feel like I do think though that sometimes we're like putting a damper on it and it doesn't necessarily go away but we found another outlet to get it out well you just got a little happy pill it's intoxicating man you're taking a little happy pill yeah but you know like there's happiness and all sorts of things that you enjoy doing.

[2592] I find up, I've, I try to fill my life up with activities that I enjoy doing.

[2593] But family's a big one too, man. Family is, um, it's a, it's a different thing, man, it changes you.

[2594] I'm all, I have all daughters.

[2595] And so my house is all, it's so feminine.

[2596] Everything's female.

[2597] It's so, it's so, I mean, I talked about it on my special about, you know, the Bruce Jenner thing about, you know, like that, uh, my last special, the one before this one, that it's just that if you live with crazy bitches long enough eventually you become one yeah but it's like I'm I'm becoming like more more you're the more feminine version of yourself oh my god I'm so much more feminine than I've ever been ever so much more in tune with how girls think so much more tolerant of like nonsense talk because like when your kids are talking nonsense talk it's just different but it's just like you realize like if you if I'm around like women when they're talking together and I'm an observer and I watch them.

[2598] They just talk about different shit, man. I mean, they're, and and then when you...

[2599] As we've just talked about different shit for like a two hours.

[2600] Yeah, but with you, like, try to interject and go, hey, hey, hey, do you guys see that bare -knuckle boxing fight?

[2601] That was fucking awesome.

[2602] Like, ugh, let's get away from this idiot.

[2603] Like, for them, what you're interested in is stupid.

[2604] And for them, you know, they want to talk about whatever the fuck they want to talk about that they're into at the moment, whether it's shoes or the royal wedding or whatever the fuck it is.

[2605] Relationships have been in a relationship for this long now has taught me patience Patience has taught me patience.

[2606] It's taught me like, you know, that to accept the double standard, that things aren't supposed to necessarily be equal, that they're supposed to be.

[2607] I always think that it's like one of those scales, you know, and you put stuff in the scale on this side, and she puts different things, but that's how you balance out.

[2608] But they don't have to be the same thing, you know?

[2609] People don't give love in the same way.

[2610] So you shouldn't expect it to be the way you give it.

[2611] But that becomes a problem.

[2612] You know, that becomes a problem.

[2613] I had a girlfriend once that she didn't express love in a way that was like hugging and she didn't want to do it that way.

[2614] She wasn't affectionate.

[2615] She wasn't affectionate.

[2616] She's like, she'll buy me a TV or something, you know.

[2617] That's so weird.

[2618] And I understood, though, because it was because her family wasn't like that.

[2619] They weren't a hugging people, but I was.

[2620] Didn't feel sad for people like that?

[2621] Yes, I do.

[2622] I do.

[2623] Because we need human interaction.

[2624] We need the connection.

[2625] We need to, you know, we need to feel, you know, we need to feel that.

[2626] And then we also need smiles.

[2627] We need smiles from people.

[2628] I always tell my girlfriend, like, you know, the most beautiful when you're just, like, happy and smiling.

[2629] Because the moment she isn't, it's like, what did I do?

[2630] That's half of a relationship.

[2631] That's wondering what you did.

[2632] What the fuck did I do?

[2633] And wondering if she's mad.

[2634] Is she mad?

[2635] Is she mad?

[2636] How about this?

[2637] I know she's mad.

[2638] What did I do?

[2639] Or?

[2640] Or what?

[2641] What did she think I did?

[2642] Preemptive.

[2643] Like, if I do that, will she get mad?

[2644] Oh, my God.

[2645] How do I know?

[2646] It's like a DaVinci code, man. We're just trying to figure out.

[2647] And that's what I'm learning with her.

[2648] But I remember I was with a girl that I was dating at the time.

[2649] I was in my 20.

[2650] I was very young at the time.

[2651] And I was with a couple of my buddies.

[2652] And we were talking.

[2653] And this guy was, he was bringing up that this guy was having some crazy problem with this girlfriend.

[2654] And I said, oh, yeah.

[2655] I go, she's crazy.

[2656] And here's the problem.

[2657] He don't want to get rid of her because she's fucking hot.

[2658] And I go, she's like, what was that girl from real housewives?

[2659] Not real housewives?

[2660] Desperate housewives.

[2661] Terry, what?

[2662] Terry Hatcher.

[2663] This was back, like, she was in one of those fucking movies, one of those summer movies way back in the day.

[2664] You know, Terry Hatcher's a few years older than me. So this was like, well, I'm talking, this conversation took place.

[2665] in the 90s.

[2666] So I think the way I described it then, I said like a young Terry Hatcher.

[2667] And this girl got so mad at me. She got so mad at me that I used Terry Hatcher, a young Terry Hatcher to describe beauty.

[2668] And I remember sitting there going, what?

[2669] Yeah.

[2670] What did you just, you're such an asshole.

[2671] And I'm like, what did I do?

[2672] I was talking about this guy's got a girlfriend who's hot.

[2673] She's hot like a young Terry Hatchel.

[2674] there she is oh yeah dude she was stupid hot like confusing but she was in like some movie where I forget what the fuck the premise of the movie was but there was a guy in the movie that couldn't you couldn't deal with the fact that she was so hot confused anyway my point is this I didn't get it I was like what did I do wrong of course she was mad that I didn't use her as an example of someone really hot oh god sometimes she was mad you know what sometimes i know now see here's a problem as comics like we're like uh you know we like to think in logical ways but we also like to analyze things yeah so like you know so like she asked like oh if i feel ugly you have to be like you have to know at that moment oh is she fishing for me to say compliments compliment or if like Or like, she just woke up and sometimes you just, you have to just be like, oh, you look so great today.

[2675] I think you got to preemptively just throw those in there.

[2676] Just fucking decorate the plate with parsley.

[2677] And here's the thing.

[2678] And you know what's weird?

[2679] She knows you don't believe it at this particular time.

[2680] You don't think she's beautiful?

[2681] No, no, no, no, no. Don't say it on the end.

[2682] Fucked up, dude.

[2683] No, I'm saying she's going to know now.

[2684] I heard you on the podcast of Jerrorgan.

[2685] Don't fucking bullshit me. I think they know when they just need it and they know you know, they want you to know that they just need this right now.

[2686] Whether you want to or not.

[2687] They just know, they know that, and then that's what they're really connected to.

[2688] Oh, he's doing what he, he's doing that thing for me. Right.

[2689] That's all that it is.

[2690] Do this for me. And some girls don't need that shit at all.

[2691] Some girls just don't need it.

[2692] They're like, hey, say that's stupid shit.

[2693] Those are the ones that need something else.

[2694] They need some dick.

[2695] Those girls are like, you save that, you save that and get that dick ready.

[2696] Yeah, it's been, you know, dating a girl in her 20s is, you know, that's why I had to start doing boxing because it's like, I'm not 15.

[2697] Right, you got to get fit.

[2698] Yeah, I got to like, you know, I'm like, the things I have to do, I have to like work magic, you know.

[2699] Yeah, man, because in a few years, I mean, that's the thing is like there's a definite deterioration of your physical being as you get into your 40s.

[2700] Yeah.

[2701] If you don't keep up.

[2702] The thing is, though, if you keep up...

[2703] I know, I'm not, look at me. I'm a comfortable, fun, cuddly guy, but I got to get there.

[2704] It's so...

[2705] It's in my problem, I put on weights.

[2706] I walk by a donut shop and I'll gain like two pounds.

[2707] What do you eat?

[2708] I just eat horrible.

[2709] You eat horrible?

[2710] Yeah, that's the thing.

[2711] Yeah, so your diet's not good.

[2712] Not diet.

[2713] I got to get that dieting gear.

[2714] But I don't mind eating well, though.

[2715] My problem is this, if it's in front of my plate, if it's all my plate, I'll eat it.

[2716] So I have to cut down on what's on my plate.

[2717] Well, when I met you, you were thinner.

[2718] Yeah, but my weight is always fluctuated.

[2719] You know why?

[2720] I remember this.

[2721] I'll never forget this.

[2722] We both are a good friend, Ari Shafir.

[2723] I'm in the hallway at the comedy store.

[2724] I just got back from the Middle East.

[2725] So I was eating like a fucking Arab prince over there.

[2726] It's just a fat fuck when I came back.

[2727] I'm in mid -conversation with Ari.

[2728] And in the conversation, he leans over and he grabs my cheek.

[2729] I'm talking about, he grabs my.

[2730] cheek and he goes like this.

[2731] He squeezes it and he goes, hey, what's going on?

[2732] Let me tell you something.

[2733] Let me say something.

[2734] I went to the gym the next day and I signed up with a, with a personal trainer.

[2735] Like that next day, because the way he did it, I was like, oh shit, it was like I forgot.

[2736] So I had to just get back to it.

[2737] I just been comfortable.

[2738] Well, he's a comic.

[2739] Yeah.

[2740] You know, he saw a vulnerability.

[2741] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[2742] And he attacked like the devil that he is.

[2743] Yeah, just hire a train.

[2744] But the thing is, man, just...

[2745] I'm doing the boxing, man. I just started the boxing.

[2746] You can get someone to do, like, meal plans for you.

[2747] I know.

[2748] There's a bunch of those companies that'll make you healthy meals.

[2749] You keep it.

[2750] Yeah, you keep them in the fridge.

[2751] See, I want to just do it.

[2752] I know I can.

[2753] Because I've done it before.

[2754] On your own?

[2755] Yeah, I was vegan for a year.

[2756] Mm -hmm.

[2757] You know, because I did it.

[2758] Oh, my God, I was crazy.

[2759] But you don't want to mess me up?

[2760] As I did, at the end of the year, I did that master cleanse.

[2761] What's a master cleanse?

[2762] Remember the master cleanse with a cayon pepper?

[2763] and a maple syrup and that's all you ate for a week okay okay that shit I did it for you're supposed to do it for 10 days I got to day five then the two days of you had to let your body get used to like having salad and soup and then I had a fat burger oh like I was bad I went from not eating meat from a year but you know what I learned from being vegan for a year is that the meat is not necessarily the main course it's just a side dish with everything else so if you have a good thing of broccoli a good thing thing of corn, a good thing of mushrooms, and then you have a good thing of steak.

[2764] You don't have to have the steak and then have, you can have some great side dishes.

[2765] Okay.

[2766] Well, there's a lot of people that eat carnivore diet now.

[2767] It's a lot of people that are eating just meat.

[2768] Very interesting.

[2769] I think it's losing a lot of weight.

[2770] Isn't it all about moderation, man?

[2771] I don't know.

[2772] You don't even know?

[2773] What do you do?

[2774] Different people.

[2775] But you work out.

[2776] You're a workout guy.

[2777] You got a work out.

[2778] You got a fucking, you got monkey bars out there.

[2779] I try to work.

[2780] I've been working out twice a day.

[2781] Well, there you go.

[2782] My main thing is one hard workout a day and one less hard workout a day.

[2783] Now, if you think if you didn't do that, that your physical, you'd physically change.

[2784] Yeah.

[2785] I would diminish.

[2786] For sure.

[2787] Because when I take time off, if I take time off, I notice diminishing.

[2788] Maybe, but maybe that, but also let's say a proper average health or even above average health is here, maybe what you're doing brings you up here.

[2789] So that diminishing you're talking about is just going to bring you to a more average normal level, but still in great shape.

[2790] Yeah, maybe you're overdoing it.

[2791] I'm just wondering.

[2792] I'm definitely not overdoing it because I monitor everything.

[2793] I'm making sure that my health is good and my body's in good shape.

[2794] But I just know that if you don't use it, you lose it.

[2795] There's just a fact to that.

[2796] And when I say a workout twice a day, what it means is usually I'll do yoga during the day and then at night I'll lift some weights.

[2797] or I'll run the hills and then at night I'll lift some weights You're not doing a Navy SEAL workout twice a day No no no no one of the workouts is like pretty calm The weight lifting workouts are almost always pretty calm Unless I'm doing like a cardio kettlebell workout or something intense At this gym they have you could do the boxing And then another days you can come in you could do like Weight training Active weights and that kind of stuff So I'm going to start doing that one too I bet a big thing with you is just what you're eating Oh yeah that's it bro The animal cookies The circus animal cookies I have In my kitchen right now It's not good Not good But they come in these little packs But I have a pack of 50 Bro, I get it So every time I have one I think I'm only having I get it You know so I love to eat I do too But the weight goes on me so fast It's so annoying Then it just sits in my gut area Especially as you get older I'm shaped like an ostrich It's hard You know what I mean I'm big in the middle Little legs It's harder and harder As you get older I know It's what's happening right now I got to stop.

[2798] That's why you've got to keep up.

[2799] That's the whole thing.

[2800] I know, man. You got to maintain.

[2801] Like I work on my comedy, I have to work on my physical at the same time.

[2802] You'll feel better.

[2803] I want to feel better.

[2804] You'll have way more energy.

[2805] Cut out the sugar.

[2806] Cut out the greens.

[2807] Here we go with the sugar.

[2808] That's it.

[2809] Cut out sugar and grains.

[2810] You'll lose 30 pounds.

[2811] Cut out everything that is delicious.

[2812] Just eat salads and fish.

[2813] Eat healthy.

[2814] Have some red meat.

[2815] But in moderation.

[2816] Don't eat crazy.

[2817] Don't eat fries.

[2818] A lot of chicken.

[2819] No fries.

[2820] Drink a lot of water.

[2821] water.

[2822] Fries are bullshit.

[2823] It's mostly just potatoes and oil.

[2824] You know?

[2825] Like, what are you getting out of that, really?

[2826] When's the last time you had some fries?

[2827] The other day.

[2828] Yeah, exactly.

[2829] You know what you get out of it.

[2830] They're delicious.

[2831] Yeah, but you just can't, can't have it all the time.

[2832] I know.

[2833] That's the thing.

[2834] Moderates, that's what I'm saying.

[2835] It's all moderation, man. Saturday night, I ate at a nice Italian restaurant.

[2836] Oh, I had some pasta last night.

[2837] Some spaghetti with some fucking marinera sauce and some shrimp.

[2838] It was delicious.

[2839] We just had the same meal.

[2840] I had that last night.

[2841] Yeah.

[2842] Every now and then.

[2843] Duvalia, Duvalo or whatever you say it.

[2844] Diablo.

[2845] Diablo.

[2846] The devil's in the details.

[2847] Yeah, I like it.

[2848] It tastes good, but I just don't allow myself to do it very often.

[2849] Most of the time, I eat real clean.

[2850] Good for you.

[2851] I'm trying to get there, buddy.

[2852] You could do it.

[2853] I know.

[2854] Don't get it defensive.

[2855] No, I'm saying, I've done it.

[2856] I'm in your corner.

[2857] I'm not defending.

[2858] You're all angry.

[2859] See how angry is, Jamie?

[2860] I'm mad at me because I know I should be doing this.

[2861] You're ready to run out of here and go right to the gym, aren't you?

[2862] I'm not going to leave the building.

[2863] You don't have to go.

[2864] Go right over there.

[2865] That's what I'd say.

[2866] You don't have to leave the building.

[2867] There's plenty of equipment.

[2868] We could work out side by side.

[2869] I know.

[2870] Come on.

[2871] I should have brought my stuff.

[2872] You don't know.

[2873] I got stuff for you.

[2874] Of course.

[2875] This is me trying to get out of it already.

[2876] You know what I mean?

[2877] I didn't bring my...

[2878] Joe, I got my shoes.

[2879] I didn't bring my orthopedics.

[2880] I think for comics, it's like it's important to alleviate a certain amount of angst.

[2881] You want to go on stage with a certain amount where you're upset and you're like pissed off at shit.

[2882] But you don't want to go upset on stage hating yourself.

[2883] Right.

[2884] You know?

[2885] This is the same thing is I don't like comics that go on stage drunk.

[2886] I don't like comedy.

[2887] They need this alcohol or people that think weed.

[2888] Like, you know, people that think weed.

[2889] Like, I'm not saying weed makes you lazy, but lazy people shouldn't smoke weed.

[2890] Right.

[2891] I know what you're saying.

[2892] Well, as a person who smokes weed, it really bothers me because I'm not lazy at all.

[2893] And I just, I hate that connection between lazy people and weed.

[2894] Because I don't think that's, I don't think that's what makes you lazy.

[2895] No, no, no. I'm not saying.

[2896] I agree.

[2897] That's why I'm saying, I'm not saying it makes you lazy.

[2898] No. But if you're already lazy and then you do this, it's not going to be a winning combination.

[2899] It's not just that.

[2900] It just looks bad.

[2901] And you blame it on the weed.

[2902] Look at J .R. Smith.

[2903] I think that was a weed situation.

[2904] Who's J .R. Smith?

[2905] No. He don't even know.

[2906] Cleveland Cavaliers.

[2907] He don't even know.

[2908] I know that guy.

[2909] I know what we're talking about.

[2910] That's the game.

[2911] That's the game.

[2912] The game.

[2913] The game.

[2914] Cleveland Cavaliers.

[2915] He did something really stupid.

[2916] He was like two, it was like three, four seconds left.

[2917] They're their tie ball game.

[2918] One of their other guys is at the free throw line.

[2919] He misses the free throw.

[2920] J .R. Smith grabs the ball.

[2921] Instead of putting it up to win the game, he dribbles out because he thought that they were up.

[2922] And the look on his face was like that, kind of like, I've seen this high.

[2923] I'm not saying he was on weed, but I've heard stories that he smokes a lot of weed.

[2924] And I'm saying, like, those weed people out there, like, there's an example of it.

[2925] There are brilliant people that smoke wheat.

[2926] They are successful.

[2927] Look at LeBron.

[2928] That's the look of LeBron had on his face.

[2929] what the fuck man what are you doing first of all first of all how jack is lebron look at those fucking shoulders six nine two fifty probably six percent body fat you get the shoulders on that guy thirty three years old too and he's getting better yes it's unbelievable his shoulders are fucking epic yeah man there's another picture of him like straight on where he literally looks like an avenger like he could be like some sort of like keep him the fuck away from jeff novitsky you know look at that picture look at the picture of them right there that one where Jared Smith is smiling.

[2930] Dude, he is shocked.

[2931] Oh, yeah, he's high as fuck.

[2932] 100%.

[2933] Oh, that's a high guy.

[2934] He just gets high.

[2935] And I think that...

[2936] Stoners understand other stoners.

[2937] I think that he got like a, he had a little brain slip.

[2938] I guarantee he did.

[2939] You know, when people are paying you $17 million?

[2940] Or they paid him off to try to drag it into seven games.

[2941] Oh, my God.

[2942] Oh, he's high as fuck.

[2943] Here you guys go.

[2944] That's boom.

[2945] That's him.

[2946] Yeah, but there's plenty of pictures of me that look like that too, where I'm sober.

[2947] They did catch you.

[2948] You could just look at you.

[2949] You could just look at Jarrah Smith high.

[2950] I'm sure there's a website.

[2951] So he smokes a lot of weed.

[2952] Yeah.

[2953] Oh, yeah, there he is.

[2954] Smoking.

[2955] Well, there you go.

[2956] Well, doesn't it, like, one of those things with the NBA has it in their contract that they don't test for weed?

[2957] They do test, but it's not as stringent as everywhere.

[2958] They test for weed?

[2959] But these guys are all getting high.

[2960] Like, it's, the locker rooms have been, yeah.

[2961] For pool, for, you know, I told you that I play pool.

[2962] Pool, marijuana is a performance -enhancing drug, 100%.

[2963] It makes my game 10 % better.

[2964] I don't believe you.

[2965] You don't have to.

[2966] I'm telling you.

[2967] We does not make your pool game better.

[2968] It does.

[2969] It makes you more sensitive.

[2970] Trust me. It's the reason why basketball players find it better, too.

[2971] It puts them into some sort of a zone.

[2972] Now, are you saying that LeBron James knees weed?

[2973] No. There's a lot of pool players who are top of the food chain who don't do anything.

[2974] Right.

[2975] But a lot of guys who like it say that weed bumps their game up quite a bit.

[2976] And I'm one of them.

[2977] It makes me play better.

[2978] I'm telling you.

[2979] You don't know because you don't smoke weed.

[2980] You need to experiment.

[2981] Okay.

[2982] I want to experiment.

[2983] I want you to play.

[2984] Do you play?

[2985] Do you play?

[2986] No. You're going to play pool sober.

[2987] Okay.

[2988] And then you're going to see your results.

[2989] And then...

[2990] See, the problem is, if I play pool sober, and then I smoke high, I smoke pot and get high, I will have been warmed up by the playing pool sober, and I'll definitely play better high anyway.

[2991] Separate days.

[2992] But the problem with separate days is, you have to, your body has to be, like, perfectly in tune in order to get...

[2993] real accurate results, because one day I could have lifted weights, which fucks up your pool game like nothing.

[2994] Here we go.

[2995] Tell you.

[2996] Just being honest with you.

[2997] Just pick two days.

[2998] All my best games, I was medicated, Matt Barnes, on his game day use of marijuana.

[2999] Matt Barnes, who will not be in the Hall of Fame, who, you know.

[3000] Is a good player?

[3001] He's a good player.

[3002] He's just all right.

[3003] He's a role player.

[3004] I want Michael Jordan to come out and say that.

[3005] Then I'm going to be like, oh, wow.

[3006] I want someone like that.

[3007] No, don't tell me what the role players.

[3008] Well, see, you're saying this, though, as a guy who doesn't smoke pot.

[3009] But I'm telling you, for jujitsu, for jujitsu, it's a huge part of the jiu -jitsu where a lot of people get high and then two jiu -jitsu, and they say it makes their game better.

[3010] What's the practical use of jiu -jitsu?

[3011] Well, if you and I were in a fight, I would kill you.

[3012] That's practical.

[3013] I think you would kill me anyway, Joe.

[3014] Yeah, but that would be the practical.

[3015] Okay, so it's just for that moment, but in any other time.

[3016] No, no, it's not just.

[3017] you want to be high if you were like walking to your car late at night and then three guys came at you and you would would want to let me ask you what's the perfect circumstance then you're it's late at night you're headed to your car i don't think you understand marijuana what you want to i'm just saying would you want to what would you prefer would you prefer to be sober or high i'd be fine with that yeah you'd fine with either one yeah okay good then depends i mean i'm not going to be able to do anything different if i'm sober or high i'm fit we're not talking about drunk.

[3018] Now, if you said, would I want to be drunk or sober?

[3019] Fuck yeah, I'd want to be sober.

[3020] Oh, no, I'm not.

[3021] I get it.

[3022] If I'm worried about getting hit and I'm not, I'm sure about reaction time or one of the things about pot is it makes you a little bit paranoid so it puts you on edge and makes you aware of shit.

[3023] Okay.

[3024] The other thing is it focuses you like very cleanly on what you're doing.

[3025] Oh, there's a lot of pot heads out here just really happy.

[3026] If you're drawing, there already, no, I like it.

[3027] But if you're drawing or music or something along those lines where you're really trying to focus a lot of writing a lot of people really like it for those things because it makes you really focus on what you're doing but then I but then I think what happens then is that that's whatever they were doing on that they don't apply it to because I have a lot of you we all have a lot we both have a lot of pot head comedian friends yeah but and there's some of them I know that when I started with them I know that they're not doing what they're doing now and that they're not they didn't keep going exceed their expectations and I know part of it was because of the pot I don't think it is.

[3028] I think the pot is just something that can use as an excuse.

[3029] It's not.

[3030] The common denominator is no work ethic.

[3031] Agreed.

[3032] The common denominator is it didn't help the work ethic.

[3033] I don't think it hurts or helps.

[3034] I think it's just, it's a factor.

[3035] You see a study on this.

[3036] Yeah, I mean, the study would be skewed because a lot of failures that get high all the time would be in the study.

[3037] Right.

[3038] But a lot of winners that get high on the time don't want to talk about it.

[3039] And I, by the way, I'm with you 100 % on this.

[3040] What I hate is that the people that don't have any work ethic, they look at somebody with a work ethic, that smokes weed and then say, well, look, they made it because they smoke weed.

[3041] And I'm like, no, they would have made it without the weed.

[3042] Yeah, they would have made it without the weed.

[3043] That's what I'm saying.

[3044] Before I ever smoked weed, I was already on television, already had a Warner Bros. CD.

[3045] I didn't start smoking weed until like 2000.

[3046] I'm not, listen, I'm not anti -weed, but I just think that with anything, there should be moderation.

[3047] Yes.

[3048] No, I agree.

[3049] Like one of the best things I did last year was Ari and Tom Segura and Burke Kreischer and I, we did this sober October thing where for a whole month, no booze, no pot, and we had to do 15 hot yoga classes in the month.

[3050] And I learned a lot in that month.

[3051] I really did.

[3052] Are you a different person because of it?

[3053] No, it was good.

[3054] You got to get out of here?

[3055] Yeah, I have another.

[3056] I have another.

[3057] Really?

[3058] Yeah.

[3059] Jesus Christ.

[3060] It's already 220, bro.

[3061] Yeah, I'm doing another one.

[3062] I'm going to see Barry Cats.

[3063] if you can believe that.

[3064] Oh, congratulations.

[3065] Barry Katz is a podcast.

[3066] That's going to be an interesting day for me. What was we just?

[3067] Oh.

[3068] About the pot.

[3069] What, I forget what I was going to say.

[3070] Stoner thought.

[3071] No, it's not whether or not you smoke pot.

[3072] It's whether or not you get things done.

[3073] And whether or not you write out what you're supposed to do, whether or not you actually try to achieve goals, whether or not you're actively trying to improve whatever you're doing.

[3074] whether you build cars or make carpet, cabinetry, it's just about whether or not you're working towards succeeding and improving.

[3075] I agree.

[3076] Listen, I agree with that.

[3077] I'm not anti -pot.

[3078] I'm not.

[3079] I agree with you.

[3080] But based on evidence of the people that are around a lot of us, we should be anti -pot.

[3081] I should be anti -pot.

[3082] Dude, I know a lot of people that made me sad.

[3083] Like I'd run into them at the comedy store and they'd be like, bro, you got any weed on you, man. You got any weed?

[3084] And I'd be like, you're not doing anything.

[3085] You're not doing anything with your life, and you want some weed.

[3086] Go get a job, get some money, get some wheat, yeah.

[3087] But then you also see guys like Ari who get high all the time and they're constantly working.

[3088] Or Doug Benson, who's like the most functional pothead I've ever met in my life.

[3089] He's high all day.

[3090] He's a weird one.

[3091] Or Snoop Dog.

[3092] Yeah.

[3093] So there are people, but these are people that are the exceptions, not the rule.

[3094] I wonder.

[3095] There's a lot of people on Wall Street that get high.

[3096] There's a lot of people that are involved in, like, the tech world that get high a lot.

[3097] And what people think about it is that, look, it's like everything else, man. It can be good for you or it could fuck your world up.

[3098] You know, I mean, moderation.

[3099] I think there's some benefit to it.

[3100] And what the benefit is, vulnerability, creativity, it makes you feel vulnerable.

[3101] It makes you reexamine things.

[3102] It makes you look at, I mean, people call it paranoia.

[3103] I just think it broadens your awareness.

[3104] But I think it's a stand -up.

[3105] You already have a level of vulnerability just going on stage and talking about things.

[3106] For sure.

[3107] So that's like my...

[3108] For sure, there's some of that.

[3109] I just feel like that's my drug.

[3110] It's a good drug.

[3111] I mean, it's definitely not one that's going to ruin your life, hopefully.

[3112] Yeah.

[3113] Unless you tell a bad Planet of the Apes joke on Twitter.

[3114] Oh, well.

[3115] On that Aryan Ambien, you know what I mean?

[3116] Aryan Ambien.

[3117] She got that old -school ambient.

[3118] She got that Ambien from the Motherland.

[3119] I hope she bounces back, but I don't know if she will.

[3120] Has anybody bounced back from this new era?

[3121] of fucking hate and anger, no one has bounced back.

[3122] Well, I don't think, like, Aziz wasn't taken out.

[3123] Well, I don't think his show was canceled or anything like that.

[3124] No, he didn't have a show except the Netflix show, and he didn't do anything to the point where it was like a crime, but a lot of people went after him, like that Samantha Bee Lady went after him and...

[3125] Oh, she's going hard at everybody.

[3126] Yeah, she's going hard at everybody.

[3127] That's her thing.

[3128] Yes, her thing, yeah.

[3129] It becomes a stick at a certain point.

[3130] You know, it loses credibility.

[3131] Sort of.

[3132] If it's just...

[3133] She means it.

[3134] Yeah, she means well.

[3135] It's important a voice.

[3136] The problem with going hard on a person is you're only getting one version of what happened.

[3137] You know, like, we're not talking about going hard on a person who committed a crime.

[3138] You're going hard on a person that's involved in an interaction with two people.

[3139] What I would like to see, though, is like someone like Samantha B to, like, ask Aziz to come on her show.

[3140] Oh, he wouldn't do that.

[3141] And then him do it.

[3142] No, but that's what I'm saying is what we're missing.

[3143] Why would be, you want to, she's already attacked?

[3144] It's all entertainment.

[3145] I mean, it's like, isn't that the whole point of it?

[3146] It probably hurts for him.

[3147] Well, unless he can handle himself in that forum, I would like to see that.

[3148] I see, even that, I think those forums are hard to do.

[3149] You know, I did Ben Shapiro's podcast that just aired yesterday, and he has a Sunday special thing that he does, and is an hour long, and every 15 minutes, he stops the conversation and does a commercial.

[3150] And while I was sitting there doing, I was like, I really like the guy, I really like talking to him, brilliant guy.

[3151] but this is not the best way to stay loose and have a conversation.

[3152] Like this podcast.

[3153] I got you.

[3154] I get you.

[3155] This is the best format, man. The kind of conversations that we've had over the past three hours, this is the best format.

[3156] Because you just talk.

[3157] Nothing interrupts you.

[3158] There's no sensors.

[3159] Yeah, there's no thing you have ahead of time.

[3160] Please don't talk about this.

[3161] Right.

[3162] And also, like, it's best with friends.

[3163] Like, you know, I care about you.

[3164] You know, your friend.

[3165] You know, we're going to have fun.

[3166] And there's no, I'm not looking to get you.

[3167] be weird with you.

[3168] Gotcha podcast.

[3169] I'm trying to have fun with you and we had fun, you know?

[3170] And this is like the best format to get to understand people.

[3171] I think what we're missing today in this world, and this is just an open thought, people need more opportunities to be cool with each other and less take advantage of less opportunities to attack each other.

[3172] And I see a lot of attacking lately.

[3173] And I don't know if the attacking is because there have been.

[3174] so many egregious crimes that need to be corrected like Harvey Weinstein or like, you know, fill in the blank or all the other monsters that have been out there.

[3175] It's late.

[3176] I don't people keep.

[3177] Keep texting you.

[3178] Yeah.

[3179] Your phones on your watch.

[3180] That is a weird.

[3181] It's different colors all the time.

[3182] It's always changing.

[3183] Get that X. What happens when you hit that X?

[3184] You hit the X and then it just goes to whatever else.

[3185] I think somebody's listening to our podcast right now and somebody texted my girlfriend and she's like, she just sent me a text message right now.

[3186] you better not be married I don't know what that means but anyway my point is I'm hoping that it all balances out I hope that it comes back around and people just understand the value and being just be nice to each other well I mean we just have to lead by example is all it is it's a hard thing we have to lead by example and that's why I'm saying these issues that men as a man what we're having out here is we forgot how to be gentlemen we've and I think that it reflects say in the Z's situation.

[3187] If he had just been a gentleman...

[3188] I don't know what he did.

[3189] I don't know if he had been in that situation.

[3190] I read the...

[3191] Obviously, what I read the story, it was just...

[3192] He was trying to get with her.

[3193] You know, they were texting back and forth and it was like, yo, yo, yo.

[3194] They went to dinner.

[3195] They ended up at his place.

[3196] And it was, you know, it was like, maybe you don't bring a chick that you barely know to your place now.

[3197] Maybe there should be different types of etiquette.

[3198] Yeah, for sure, right?

[3199] It just turns into that.

[3200] But if you're a guy like that, I mean, you know...

[3201] If you heard Tony talk about the...

[3202] Women are throwing themselves at you all the time.

[3203] What are you supposed to do?

[3204] Act like a gentleman is what I'm saying.

[3205] got a fucking use a good filter the excuse shouldn't be is like you know like that's like a man way to say it too would be like you know you got all these hot chicks like you know what am I supposed to say no to these hot chicks yeah maybe you should well look at you being all judgmental here's the guy who had the girl come back to his place she was she I know to say you know to her I should have that's my whole point I should have I should have I should have like stop it but I let my own ego get in the way I let my own like you know insecurity of being like well this girl really is into me so let me let me go through So, hey, hey, just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

[3206] Let's end it with that.

[3207] I think we should.

[3208] And when is your special?

[3209] When is your special?

[3210] June 8th on Showtime, 10 p .m. That's this weekend.

[3211] Friday night.

[3212] June 8th, Friday night.

[3213] But I'll also be at the Irvine Improv on Friday.

[3214] Oh, shit.

[3215] All weekend, I'll be at Irvine.

[3216] So if you want to come see me there.

[3217] And then Showtime, I'm dying up here as airing right now on Showtime.

[3218] Episode 6 will be next Sunday.

[3219] Beautiful.

[3220] You know, so check me out.

[3221] At Eric Griffin.

[3222] I love you.

[3223] beautiful thank you brother appreciate being on man that was fun thanks for having me you know what I really appreciate it yeah we finally did it yeah let's do it again let's do it again you should do your own I will you'll be on it right I'll be on it you'll be my first guest on the Eric Griffin podcast I got it I got it off