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Full Transcription:
[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Goodbye.
[16] Hello.
[17] Hello.
[18] Helio, and welcome to...
[19] my favorite murder, the minasode.
[20] Minioosode.
[21] The minions so.
[22] This is a spot to you by the minions.
[23] God, they're funny.
[24] They're little.
[25] Sometimes they have two eyes.
[26] Sometimes they have one eye.
[27] The way they talk is adorable.
[28] It's babble, but you also understand what they're trying to say.
[29] This isn't, this episode isn't brought to you by minions.
[30] If so, it'd be millionaires right now.
[31] But I really did like that, like, surprise their shit out at myself by, like, just being really bored one time and turning that on and being like delighted by it.
[32] Oh, the Despicable Me franchise is rock solid in terms of comedy.
[33] I've watched all of those movies with my niece.
[34] The first one, we loved it so much.
[35] We watched it all the time.
[36] It's so cute.
[37] It's so funny and so cute.
[38] Charming.
[39] But that's not what this is about.
[40] This is about the minions.
[41] Now we're going to not get charming and cute and read you your fucked up stories that you send us.
[42] Do you understand that life is about contrast and that when you have the charming and cute you come under it hard with the horrifying yes rip it open yes are you ready for the first one give it to me the subject line of this is we saved a life hello everyone with both human and animal um i love you guys so much but let's get right to this perfect thanks uh this isn't so much a hometown story but a story with girls from my hometown when i was 14 i played on a traveling softball team that just you know my niece nor is on traveling softball team.
[43] Yes.
[44] Steel Breeze, you know.
[45] Okay, we were based out of Pittsburgh, but we were in Wheeling West Virginia for the weekend of a tournament.
[46] After all our games were over for the day, myself and three of my teammates were hanging out back at our hotel in one of our family's rooms.
[47] Some of our parents went to the local casino.
[48] I bet they fucking did.
[49] Hell yeah, they did.
[50] They're like, great job today, everybody.
[51] Get away from us.
[52] And others were hanging out by the pool.
[53] But for the most part, the four of us were unsupervised.
[54] So what could four unsupervised teenage girls do with their time you ask you guessed it sneak away from our hotel to smoke some weed our hotel sat on a tiny country road all by itself other than a few random houses down the street we snuck off to a little spot down the road tucked back into a little into the woods all ready to get quote unquote high as fuck we realized we forgot a lighter to hit our tin foil bowl oh we made oh parentheses yes i know i probably have cancer now no no it's Alzheimer's um so we walked back to get one and then we returned to our secluded little spot.
[55] We smoked, we got all giggly, and we decided to walk back to our hotel.
[56] On our walk back, we saw a van coming from behind us from down the country road toward us and our hotel going towards the highway.
[57] As the van drove, creepily slow by us, we all noticed the woman driving really stared us down.
[58] And then as she continued by, it seemed like in slow motion, she looked into the back seats and we saw a little girl sitting back there.
[59] We all agreed it was weird but we thought we were just being paranoid because we were high very very likely we got back to our hotel safe and sound and we just did high stuff high teenagers do eat snacks and giggle here's where the shit gets real we were hanging out just goofing off when um out of nowhere one of my friends just walks over and turns on the radio uh not saying a word while she does it a song was playing and then it was in a immediately interrupted by an amber alert no we didn't pay much attention to it, but then all caught that they were talking about our area.
[60] Then it described a van and a woman driving it and the little girl she kidnapped.
[61] Oh my God.
[62] We all froze and just looked at each other.
[63] They described the van and the woman just as we saw it.
[64] In somewhat disbelief, we went and found my friend's mom trying to keep cool and giggles to a minimum.
[65] I forgot that part.
[66] They're all stalled.
[67] I didn't forget that part because I was like, I bet they're not going to call the cops because they're high.
[68] There's just down there like, it's not really happening.
[69] That's why I don't like getting high.
[70] It's like, what if you have to take care of something?
[71] No, I mean, I think that's why it's funny when you're 14 or, you know, when you're younger.
[72] Yeah.
[73] But yeah, you have so much to take care of as you get older.
[74] Like a fucking crazy earthquake and you have to like get your pets and take the, and like get outside, you know?
[75] Yeah, but you're like, wait, I'm going to stop and eat his knickers first.
[76] Okay, hold on them.
[77] Okay, so they go find your friend's mom.
[78] And they told her what we saw on her quote unquote walk.
[79] and about the Amber Alert.
[80] She said we were probably being paranoid, but she called the police just to be safe and told them where we were and what we saw.
[81] We left it at that and we went on our evening.
[82] Then, about an hour later, we got a call back from the police.
[83] They found the little girl and arrested the woman at the gas station right down the street from our hotel.
[84] They had found and saved the little girl based on our call because it was the woman we saw.
[85] Pot saves the day.
[86] Smoked pot everywhere.
[87] want legalize it um this was over 15 years ago and is still a moment i will never forget i'll never fucking forget it i'm just reading it forthhand hope you enjoyed this freaky story with my hometown friends sSDgm kell dude that's a story that is a fucking great story that is move her to the front story upnotch i don't even want to read mine now oh that's great oh but also under the did this really happen or are you just stoned are you just or are you high from the aluminum foil you just smoked into your brain yeah are you just really insane um okay so good thanks kel's called good job my dad nearly had me kidnapped oh oh hi all so it was 1996 my dad was looking to sell his car a man interested in purchasing said car comes over to take a look my dad's out front giving the man a tour of the car a tour of the car a toddler ellie running around while he is doing so.
[88] After a while, my dad comes back into the house and mom asks how he got on.
[89] Oh, they must be Brits.
[90] All good.
[91] He is just taken out, taking it out for a test drive, dad replies.
[92] My mom then asks if it was a good idea to let him, letting him take the car up by himself.
[93] Fair question, because who in their right mind lets a stranger take their car for a drive unsupervised?
[94] Yeah.
[95] Don't panic, folks.
[96] My dad had it covered and he replied to my mom and said, no it's all right Ellie's in the back Wait how old is she She said she's a toddler running around Toddler Ellie running around I can only imagine what followed was a lot of hysteria and foul language being thrown at my dad from my very frazzled mother I came back though So it's cool And that is a true and mildly Not so mildly alarming story of my near kidnapping experience My dad's wonderful parenting skills Can we just take a second to imagine the poor man being trusted to take the car out alone with a random child in the back.
[97] That aside.
[98] It's so crazy.
[99] If I was that mother, I would have slapped him forward and back.
[100] If I was the person taking the car for a test drive, I'd be like, I don't trust you and leave.
[101] Right.
[102] I mean, because was she in a toddler seat?
[103] Probably.
[104] Probably.
[105] Just like sitting around in the back seat.
[106] Who fucking knows?
[107] It sounds like she was just wandering around.
[108] It does.
[109] I sound like she was just in the car.
[110] Yeah.
[111] Get in.
[112] Take the car for a test drive with this nice man. Hold this beer.
[113] That aside and believe it or not, my dad is actually a truly amazing man and an incredible father.
[114] Unfortunately, I only got a short 19 years with him as he passed away in 2013.
[115] I miss him dearly and have many, many more stories of this wonderful crazy man who was at times clearly way too trusting.
[116] And for that, I am blessed.
[117] Thank you guys for everything you do.
[118] Weird to think that listening to two funny chicks talk about murder is a sort of escapism for my severe anxiety.
[119] But hey, whatever floats your boat, right?
[120] I'm clearly not alone.
[121] Stay sexy and don't send your daughter off in a car with strangers, Ellie.
[122] Ellie, you're not alone.
[123] Also, I wonder if some of her anxiety is based in very deep, seated early.
[124] Mistrust of your parents' skills.
[125] Who is minding the shop to be like, I just don't feel safe in life.
[126] Well, he's not going to steal the car because he has our child.
[127] Right.
[128] Right.
[129] Oh, my God.
[130] Well, we'll keep going on the car theme.
[131] Okay.
[132] this is the subject line is things found hidden in cars okay hello Karen Georgia Stephen and all furry friends of the MFM team cool I work as a technician for a German luxury car manufacturer well can we get a sample of one of those please yeah we need to sample that I know you guys have been asking for stories about stuff found in walls but I thought you might be interested in some strange things I've found in cars while working on them yes yes we are my first story is from when I had started in the industry a client came in asking for her car to be searched for a tracking device as her abusive ex -husband had confronted her to grocery store when he had a restraining order when she had a restraining order against him and had changed her number and address.
[133] I searched the car in all the obvious places thinking that the guy didn't have access to the car.
[134] He did and eventually found the device in the spare tire compartment.
[135] Yeah, that's where it always is, right?
[136] No, I don't know.
[137] I don't know.
[138] Apparently, the guy had a key to the car and the lady didn't want to pay for new keys and locks to the car.
[139] Anyways, the younger me was excited to have actually found it and happily showed the client the device and I'll never forget her horrified reaction.
[140] Of course.
[141] Oh my God.
[142] It's so creepy.
[143] A detective came to get my statement and me being into true crime, I found it very exciting to be involved.
[144] A few years later, I was working on a car where I found an unrolled sleeping bag in the backseat and in the trunk I found a dirty shovel and a woman's single high -hilled shoe.
[145] I was creeped out.
[146] What?
[147] What?
[148] I was creeped out but hoped that the guy who owned the, car had simply been a peg -legged gardener who cross -dressed and slept in his car.
[149] No. Oh my God.
[150] I don't.
[151] I mean, it would be interesting, but I don't think that's it.
[152] No. Another, who knows, though?
[153] Dude.
[154] I mean, look, we all get to be who we want to be.
[155] Listen.
[156] Jesus.
[157] In another car.
[158] My team leader was doing some electrical diagnoses and had to remove the car seat back panel, which hid the fuses and modules.
[159] This isn't a compartment that the client should even be aware about.
[160] Since it's super true.
[161] tricky to open and only accessible from the trunk.
[162] But in a blank fuse panel compartment, the team lead found a pack of condoms.
[163] I can only imagine the guy was trying to hide them from his wife.
[164] That's a, that's a long, like a big length to go to to hide that.
[165] Yeah, don't you have pockets?
[166] Or don't you have any fucking like, you know, what's the word, respect for your wife?
[167] Yeah, for real.
[168] I was just doing short term, but you're right.
[169] Long term, it's, how about you end the relationship you're not happy and right um but it's more fun to take your car apart and hide condoms in it okay uh uh finally the best thing i ever found in a car was a beautifully homemade stained glass portrait of somebody's dick picked it was lovingly made and incredibly detailed including vans on the dick itself and the bathroom counter that could be seen in the background What an amazing gift to give to someone.
[170] It's so funny.
[171] I bet the car owner was not expecting anyone to ever find it.
[172] But when you leave weird things in your car, somebody most definitely will.
[173] Holy shit.
[174] But also, it's stained glass.
[175] It's not like a painting or whatever.
[176] Read it again in the description of it.
[177] Finally, the best thing ever found in a car was a beautifully homemade stained glass portrait of somebody's dick pick.
[178] So someone sent someone a picture of their penis as if to say, consider me in your long list of bows.
[179] And some hilarious artist, like her best friend probably was like, I'm going to get, I'm going to make, you remember this forever and made, and her specialty was staying glass.
[180] And she made her, it's a beautiful gift.
[181] Fane's included.
[182] Just so everyone knows, technicians will always check the trunk during services to check on the spare tires.
[183] So anything left there can and will be seen by everyone in the shop if it is hilarious or questionable.
[184] Anyways, I love the show and all the work you ladies put into it.
[185] Stay sexy and don't leave anything incriminating in your car, Melissa.
[186] Thanks, Melissa.
[187] I'm trying to think if I have anything in my trunk that I'd be, like, embarrassed of or that I wouldn't want in there, but I can't think of it.
[188] It's not boring shit.
[189] Just like the unused yoga meth.
[190] That's embarrassing.
[191] Mine is like always packages I do not send.
[192] Like, I will package something up to return it or whatever and put it in the back of my car and just, it's there forever.
[193] Hey, this is exciting.
[194] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[195] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.
[196] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[197] Who killed Saz?
[198] And were they really after Charles?
[199] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[200] This season murder hits close to home.
[201] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[202] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[203] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[204] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[205] Get ready.
[206] for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Dayvine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[207] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[208] Goodbye.
[209] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[210] Absolutely.
[211] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?
[212] Exactly.
[213] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[214] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[215] That's right.
[216] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in store, on social media, and beyond.
[217] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[218] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.
[219] So give your point of sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[220] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[221] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.
[222] Connect with customers in line and online.
[223] Do retail right with Shopify.
[224] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[225] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.
[226] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.
[227] That's Shopify .com slash murder.
[228] Goodbye.
[229] All right, this is a good one.
[230] This is one that I think you're going to like.
[231] this title is Swiss cheese fetish guy from minisode 29 hit me up on OkCupid 10 years ago this was his opener what really yes this is a treat magical are you ready for this early Christmas okay so this is from the this is from the listener her name's Amy she says hey sexy ladies okay I just listened to minisode 29 where you discuss Swiss cheese fetish guy from Philly the Swiss cheese pervert is his professional name Swiss cheese pervert if anyone doesn't remember episode 29 he would drive around in his car and like if a woman would look over he would hold what was it hold Swiss cheese near his dick he would hold up a piece of Swiss cheese while he was jerking off yeah naked from the waist down right uh this is a car themed episode it is a car themed episode and also there's a really good animated um somebody animated and stephen he Stephen's gonna find so we say the name yeah but um somebody did an animation of us talking about that story for the first time it's one of my favorite things i've ever seen and i that there's a photo of Paul Holes on the wall because Paul Holes told me that there's a photo of him in the wall of that.
[232] And I didn't know how to respond to that.
[233] Yep.
[234] To Paul Holes.
[235] Yeah.
[236] Telling me that.
[237] I think I just crashed my car.
[238] Because they put like a hot for holes calendar on the wall.
[239] Right.
[240] That's what he was saying.
[241] And then some smart murderino was like, I love this clip and then added Paul Holes to make sure he saw it.
[242] Well, he told me when he didn't have to do it.
[243] Yes.
[244] That he saw it.
[245] To your face.
[246] to my face with his own face.
[247] And it was horrifying.
[248] What did you do?
[249] Well, I was, her cheeks are red right now, by the way.
[250] I'm hard.
[251] George is, he's a powerful man. It's scary.
[252] I don't know.
[253] I just don't know.
[254] I don't know how to talk about this.
[255] I'm blushing so fucking hard right now.
[256] Also, right now we're giving, we're kind of giving away a secret.
[257] We are giving, and that's why I don't want to talk about it more.
[258] That's right.
[259] He was in my car.
[260] We hang out with Paul Holz, you guys.
[261] He was in my car, which was scary enough because I'm driving with a cop.
[262] Yes.
[263] And you know how I fucking drive.
[264] yes and then he told me that and I was just like I should just crash the car right now you're like paul I have to pull over for a second if you don't mind Stephen will you give us the okay yeah Nick Terry and where can you find it um if you just um if you just go to youtube if you just google Swiss cheese pervert I just did Swiss cheese pervert my favorite murder and Nick Terry's video is like we'll put it up on our we'll put it on Twitter it's a real fast one it's really fun so anyway here we are oh my god da da da he's from Philly I damn you crashed my car when we talking about in the minute.
[265] So when I realized who you were discussing, he propositioned me online in 2008.
[266] I was living in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
[267] Is that right?
[268] Yes.
[269] About 90 -minute drive north of Philly, and I had a dating profile on OKCupid.
[270] I received the following message out of the blue with the subject line, can we discuss this?
[271] From the guy who a couple years later made national headlines for flashing his junk, wrapped in a wad of cheese to an underage girl.
[272] At the time, I couldn't decide if it was a joke or if I should just admire this guy for a just laying it all out there and trying to get his needs met.
[273] Turns out he was just a creeper hitting on any female human within at least a 90 -mile radius who was so disrespectful of anybody's boundaries that he was kicked out of fet -life.
[274] What's that?
[275] I guess it's a fetish life.
[276] Weddletterset -life.
[277] I was thinking MetLife.
[278] Oh, what?
[279] He was so disrespectful of anybody's boundaries that he was kicked out of fat life.
[280] And that's hilarious.
[281] That's very extreme.
[282] Yeah, yeah.
[283] And then she says, no, I never responded.
[284] to him.
[285] I emailed the message to a friend before shutting down my dating profile.
[286] If you ever need a mental break from reading about murder and would rather know way too much about this guy's fetish, here you go.
[287] And then she says, enjoy question mark, question mark, Amy.
[288] Thank you, Amy for sending this.
[289] That's unbelievable.
[290] Now listen, I've been hesitant to read this because I'm not shaming anyone for their fetish.
[291] Everyone is into something different and we're all fucking humans and just trying to make ourselves and other people happy.
[292] That's the point.
[293] But He is a creep who flashed people and didn't ask for consent.
[294] And so fuck him and fuck everything.
[295] Yeah.
[296] I mean, if you're getting kicked off Fet Life, then you're not every, that's just it is the majority of people have some kind of like, this is the thing I like.
[297] Right.
[298] Obviously, it's, we all have preferences.
[299] But it's like putting your preference on other people as if it's their job to make it all happen for you is what separates normal people from the perverted.
[300] Part of your preference is that you're doing.
[301] to unsuspecting people who haven't consent in, then I can read this online, or I mean, on this podcast right now.
[302] Well, and that's kind of the key to everything is if part of your fetish is the lack of consent, no. Then that's problematic.
[303] Then the answer is no. Yes.
[304] Okay.
[305] Then the answer to this is, are you ready for this?
[306] Oh, wait, where you've got more?
[307] No, I have his email to her.
[308] Oh, my God.
[309] I didn't realize.
[310] Oh, she, sorry.
[311] I have his email.
[312] She sent the email to us.
[313] Are you going to do a voice?
[314] please hear a character voice okay here's his email subject is can we discuss this and this is how it starts oh no this is my fetish full version i love the way swiss cheese feels against my penis oh either a slices of swiss cheese being wrapped around my penis or a chunk of swish cheese being rubbed against my penis you want me to keep going not in that accent okay okay sorry can i just pause you really quick.
[315] I always thought, and maybe it's because of artwork we've been shown.
[316] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[317] And remember when the girl dressed up like him for Halloween?
[318] Like held it above it, the penis.
[319] Yeah, she was just holding it up.
[320] Remember when that girl made us a Swiss, Stephen as a Swiss cheese pervert?
[321] Yes.
[322] Or was it Elvis as a Swiss cheese?
[323] No, it was Stephen.
[324] It was Stephen with the bald cap on.
[325] Right.
[326] And I still have the little piece of Swiss cheese that's like a Christmas ornament.
[327] It's a beautifully cut piece of felt.
[328] I can't remember her name at Sweetheart.
[329] Thank you.
[330] With gold.
[331] I mean, that's old.
[332] That's from like a year ago.
[333] Okay.
[334] Want me to keep going or should I not even know?
[335] No, I really want to hear it.
[336] Okay.
[337] I love even more when a woman uses the Swiss cheese to pleasure me or simply wrap Swiss cheese slices around my penis and allows me to hang out with her as I wear the cheese.
[338] And what?
[339] Watch like International House hunters or whatever.
[340] That's better.
[341] So to give you a basic understanding of my Swiss cheese fetish.
[342] The simplest thing is that it's just, it's a hand job using Swiss cheese as the tool to pleasure me, but I like to expand upon it by having you wrap Swiss cheese slices around my penis and I wear it for a length of time.
[343] Then you repeat the process allowing me to savor your handiwork.
[344] Okay, I mean, he's explained it seven times.
[345] We get, it's not that.
[346] Four more paragraphs.
[347] Okay, okay.
[348] We don't have to do this.
[349] I mean, I'm interested in the mindset.
[350] Okay.
[351] In my younger days, in my younger years, I developed a strong urge for sex, but not being the best -looking guy out there, girls tended to ignore me. So I fantasize about sex and masturbate.
[352] It's just not the same.
[353] One day, I just had some strange feeling and for some unknown reason used cheese to masturbate.
[354] I started to relate girls to cheese.
[355] Girls are attractive, soft, silky, smooth feeling and have milky complexions.
[356] And holes.
[357] Girls' hands are also the same way.
[358] I especially like girls with long, thin fingers.
[359] I feel really dirty reading this.
[360] It's gross.
[361] All this was a turn on.
[362] As for the cheese, I tried many different types of cheeses.
[363] Cheddar, he goes on to name, different kinds of cheeses.
[364] How do you do that with cheddar, though?
[365] It's so crumbly.
[366] Okay, go ahead.
[367] Even some fancy cheeses and cheese whiz.
[368] Bree.
[369] However, none could compare to Swiss.
[370] Swiss is a perfect representation of cheese to me. If I held up a slice of Swiss cheese in front of you, that compared to any other style of cheese, I am sure you would recognize Swiss over the rest.
[371] No, you're right.
[372] I can't argue you on this one.
[373] God, Vince Hayes Swiss cheese.
[374] Also, the way it smells, given it's not that bad, I use domestic and its eye patterns and color, Swiss is very attractive to me. It also shares all the characteristics I see in girls.
[375] It feels smooth and silky.
[376] It's semi -soft and flexible, and it smells like perfume to me. Swiss cheese?
[377] Uh -huh.
[378] Okay.
[379] Now, do I like regular sex?
[380] Sure, but at the time, I would say a good 10 years before I have.
[381] had normal sex, this was the substitute.
[382] Now I'm just addicted to it, like a smoker is addicted to cigarettes.
[383] Nope.
[384] It's not like that.
[385] No, it isn't really like that.
[386] It's like a drug that I simply can't get enough of.
[387] Everything leading up to asking a girl, I have to having it done is the high and then once I come is the low, but the low satisfaction is short -lived.
[388] I'm going to stop you really quick just to say, this is an introductory email.
[389] This is the first email he sends.
[390] yeah the first one this isn't like they're good friends and finally he's like look i'm at a level with you yeah it just ends by saying do you understand and would be willing to help with my addiction question mark the end i don't know should we leave this in yes for sure terrible well no but here's a thing uh i would just say i would like to say this in listening to that and not we're laughing at the fact that this is it this is an overstep of boundaries beyond belief hopefully she got that and then was like, oh my God.
[391] I was going to say deleted it, but clearly she didn't.
[392] But I would say this.
[393] Everybody feels like they were ignored by the opposite sex when they were younger.
[394] And do you know why they feel that way?
[395] Because they always, you always like the cheerleader or the quarterback.
[396] Yeah, yeah.
[397] You don't go, oh, I like the really weird guy in the corner.
[398] Yeah.
[399] The person who would actually, you would have a chance with.
[400] My friend who's like super nice to me. Right.
[401] It's never that because everyone's got their, you know, their dreams in the stars or whatever.
[402] When you take that as this fact toy.
[403] and hold it to your breast like you've been so damaged and then you go through the rest of life like oh well girls don't like me or guys don't like me because this it's you're just lying yeah it's like put your shit down and get in the mix yeah i say the it's the most hypocritical critical thing i've ever said in but you've been married but you that's right i got in i've got heard it you know you can say whatever you want um i mean it's true and i've had several wonderful relationships but i mean it's like you have to let go of that idea that you you somehow were rejected by all of one gender.
[404] It's bullshit.
[405] It's like you have to open your eyes to who is interested in you and what you do like.
[406] Or why are people not interested you?
[407] Are you a fucking dick?
[408] Yes.
[409] Maybe you're a dick.
[410] Maybe you're a dick.
[411] And also think of there's tons of unattractive people that are very charismatic and sexy.
[412] Yeah.
[413] So don't use that as an excuse because just like don't back yourself into this kind of corner.
[414] You know what people don't like you is because you complain that people don't like you all the time.
[415] Or because you're holding up cheese in front of people going, this is what women are to me. okay well then go to therapy that's not women are not swiss cheese they're not all silky and smooth with holes no like get your you're you've oversimplified everything to the point where you can't be in the world yeah and he said yeah oh oh oh oh uh stephen is showing karen the girl who dressed up it's brin brin brin her her name is brin brin on instagram and it's the fucking greatest Halloween costume of all time she's the swiss cheese pervert she's wearing wearing white flesh color, like a white person's flesh colored Lycra's leggings.
[416] With a like felt star that she put over her crotch to look like she's like hiding her junk.
[417] Yep.
[418] A bald cap and she has a piece of Swiss cheese.
[419] Because that's the picture of the lady took, remember?
[420] And it's like he wasn't wearing a blue t -shirt and wasn't wearing pants.
[421] It's hooray for you, Bryn, Bryn.
[422] Do you have another one?
[423] Oh, this is very short.
[424] Okay, good.
[425] Let's end on something else.
[426] you know and everybody again will just reiterate fetish up all you want this was not fetish shaming forensic beach encounter uh oh hi there murderesses I just started listening to your podcast thank you for distracting me from my tedious pot farm job everyone hates their jobs no problem man I know that would be like so many people's dream job um though not all my co -workers enjoy me yelling murder every time we are choosing something to listen to we get it Thank you.
[427] I was at the beach in Brookings, Oregon yesterday, drinking a beer in the sand with my sister.
[428] Oh, that sounds awesome.
[429] We noticed a strange netted trap -like device hanging in a tree.
[430] We were trying to figure out what it could possibly be for, catching birds, butterflies, who, why, what?
[431] A woman wandered over and said, you ladies pick the wrong day to sit here and then mumbled something about the smell of a body.
[432] And she started fussing with the trap, and we asked her what she was up to.
[433] It turns out she was a forensic entomologist.
[434] trapping flies with rotten chicken liver.
[435] She said she was going up the entire West Coast, identifying which flies were in each area so that when dead bodies were found, they can gather unique geographical information from the type of flies and maggots found on the bodies.
[436] Amazing.
[437] Which can err in solving murders, which can aid in the solving of murders.
[438] She said, you're too early.
[439] She said that flies can smell rotting flesh from a mile or more away.
[440] I didn't know that.
[441] And that there was nothing in her trap because the wind was blowing the scent straight out to sea.
[442] We told her about a dead seal we saw further down the beach and she excitedly took off an Instagram.
[443] I love her.
[444] I found the encounter to be fascinating and thought you might too.
[445] Thank you, Aria.
[446] Wow.
[447] That's amazing.
[448] How cool is that woman?
[449] What a job.
[450] Yeah.
[451] Tonight on CBS.
[452] I love her.
[453] The coastal bug lady.
[454] I want.
[455] That's the working title.
[456] I'll think of a new one.
[457] The Coastal Bug Lady.
[458] Coastal Bug Lady.
[459] Thanks for writing in, you guys.
[460] Keep doing it.
[461] Such a good round of stories this week.
[462] My favorite murder at Gmail.
[463] And just tell us anything.
[464] Yeah, we like hearing from you all your stories.
[465] Stay sexy.
[466] And don't get murdered.
[467] A good boy.
[468] Elvis, do you want a cookie?
[469] Want cookie?
[470] Nah.