Armchair Anonymous: Gifts Gone Wrong

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

[4] I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Mrs. Mouse.

[5] Hi.

[6] I really enjoyed this episode.

[7] Why?

[8] I don't know.

[9] I think it was a pop out because honestly, I think when the.

[10] idea was pitched.

[11] I was like, what in the world?

[12] Uh -huh, uh -huh.

[13] And it was so low expectations.

[14] I think.

[15] Yeah, yeah.

[16] By the way.

[17] It'll work.

[18] Well, I liked this sink in a magazine and inscribed in it in Latin.

[19] It was a Latin word.

[20] And then when I looked it up, it was hunger is the best spice.

[21] Ooh.

[22] Right?

[23] It nails it.

[24] Like, if you're starving, anything's going to taste good.

[25] You know what?

[26] That's too close to nothing tastes as good as skinny feel.

[27] which is so gross.

[28] It's like the worst, most toxic sentence.

[29] Anyway, these were really fun and sweet and good group of peeps.

[30] Yeah, yeah.

[31] Well, gift giving, gift receiving.

[32] But if they're, like, fun and wholesome and...

[33] It makes up a little bit for some of the previous episodes.

[34] Yeah, last week.

[35] It kind of inches us back towards negative 20.

[36] This one's safe.

[37] Yeah.

[38] Please enjoy GIF's gone wrong.

[39] All times.

[40] Come and go.

[41] Take them slow.

[42] You got to know.

[43] I'm going to keep on shining.

[44] Hello.

[45] Hello.

[46] I can hear you.

[47] Yay.

[48] Nice cable knit sweater peeking out.

[49] I'm seeing.

[50] Thank you.

[51] My great grandmother made that.

[52] She would be happy to hear that you're impressed.

[53] Well, my eye was immediately drawn to it.

[54] with a hundred options.

[55] Yeah.

[56] Yes.

[57] I do have lots of white and cream sweaters, but they're all like great grandma sweaters, so I can't get rid of them.

[58] Oh, I love this.

[59] Limited edition.

[60] And I know you're not supposed to hang sweaters.

[61] I think you're supposed to fold them, but I don't have a lot of folding area in here, so they're hanging.

[62] Yeah, we need a better solution than hang it on a hanger.

[63] Because they'll droop.

[64] You are supposed to fold them up.

[65] But yeah, most clauses don't have enough space.

[66] You get those nipples where the end of the hangar was.

[67] It's bad.

[68] So, Alex, you were a part of either maybe the gift giver or the receiver of a well -intentioned gift that went awry.

[69] Is that accurate?

[70] It is accurate.

[71] I was the receiver.

[72] So, you know, lots of gift receiving politics.

[73] You know, you're trying to be a good gift recipient.

[74] Sure, sure.

[75] A lot of stress when you're opening that present and everyone's staring.

[76] Exactly.

[77] So in order for this story to make sense, you got to.

[78] to know a little bit about my grandma, my mom's mom.

[79] She's the gift giver in this story.

[80] So grandma is a bargain shopper, not crazy couponer, but just in it for the deal.

[81] Like if something's on sale, she's buying it because she's getting a rush from the fact that she got it for a deal.

[82] She doesn't need these items.

[83] She feels like she's making money.

[84] Yes.

[85] She has no room.

[86] She has no purpose for these item.

[87] So, like, as a family, we all know that we're going to get these random things that grandma's buying because she just wants to buy them.

[88] And then once she has them, she just decides, like, oh, Alex, you wear socks.

[89] So here's a pair of socks for you.

[90] Also important is that she can't really see that well.

[91] So not only does she not really care what she's buying, she doesn't really see what she's buying.

[92] She's at Cole.

[93] She sees the yellow tag and she buys it.

[94] Coles, it'll get those older folks.

[95] Oh, it will.

[96] That Coles Cash just keeps them coming.

[97] My parents love Coles Cash.

[98] Oh, Coles Cash is your reward points or something?

[99] Okay, get those bucks, those Coles Cash.

[100] They spell cash with a K in that situation, Coles Cash?

[101] Great question.

[102] I don't know if they do.

[103] Yeah.

[104] If it was in the South, they would.

[105] It is.

[106] But I mean, if it were a Southern Company.

[107] Oh, I don't know where it stems.

[108] They don't.

[109] Oh, okay.

[110] So some examples of things you would buy.

[111] So I have a pair of socks that have the name William all over them because she bought them and she didn't see that they saw William and so she just gave them to me. Yeah.

[112] She also, when I was younger, bought me a thing of salt and pepper shakers and they were little piggies, which is great.

[113] But when you put them on the table and you like assemble them, the pepper is humping the salt piggy.

[114] That's a great gift.

[115] I want those.

[116] So on this occasion of this particular story, my grandma was coming up to visit.

[117] at me and my parents in New Hampshire, and she lived in Connecticut, which is about two hours away.

[118] So close enough that she would come every couple months or so.

[119] Every time she would come up, she would fill her PT cruiser full of all of her gifts that she had acquired, and she was going to, like, blowed us up with all the crap that she had bought.

[120] Alex, if you had just started with the fact that Grandma drove a PT cruiser, I would have known all of the rest, actually.

[121] was it the kind with the wood grain side on it the fake wood grain it wasn't it was like one year after they stopped doing that okay all right she just missed it all right a very sleek blueish gray yeah you couldn't miss her on those highways anywho so on this particular night i had gymnastics practice and so grandma came up to my house while i was at gymnastics practice and so i was going to come home that night and she would already be at my house.

[122] And for some reason, she decided she was going to lay out all the gifts that she had brought, not wrapped or anything.

[123] She would lay them out on our couch in our living room.

[124] And so I walk in and my grandma's sitting on the couch and all of these items are like laid out.

[125] Like someone would lay stolen items on a blanket in front of 7 -Eleven to sell them.

[126] Absolutely exactly like that.

[127] You have the vision.

[128] Okay.

[129] My eyes are scanning.

[130] And you know, like I said, I'm just, trying to be a good gift receiver.

[131] So I'm like, oh, good, a jewelry box.

[132] Thank gosh, my jewelry's been all over the place, my 10 year old self.

[133] I need that.

[134] But my eyes keep resting on this one particular item that looks a little bit like a stuffed animal, but something about it is not feeling right.

[135] Bad vibes.

[136] I can't avoid it any longer.

[137] I point at the little stuffed animal thing and I say, what is this?

[138] Grandma picks up this thing.

[139] And she says, you know what?

[140] I don't know.

[141] I was thinking that when I was unboxing, like, all this stuff to set it out for you.

[142] I don't remember buying this.

[143] And she's like, it's so soft.

[144] She's rubbing it on her face.

[145] Oh, my God.

[146] Wait, Monica, you already have an idea of what this is.

[147] Yes, it's a dead animal.

[148] Oh, Jesus.

[149] I'm so far behind.

[150] Wait.

[151] Oh, my God.

[152] Okay.

[153] Alex, what?

[154] Yes, you are right.

[155] So she's rubbing it on her face.

[156] I don't have the heart to say anything.

[157] I'm just like sort of frozen and I'm like oh okay interesting oh by the way it's just me and my grandma in the room at this time my parents are somewhere else and so I call for my dad because he's usually the dead animal handler is it his mom or your mom's mom's mom's mom oh yeah okay it's the mom he's stuck with yeah yes exactly oh this crazy lady so he comes in and he says yep that's 100 % a dead squirrel is it taxidermine no It died in that box.

[158] Oh, God, you're on it today.

[159] What we think happened is that grandma, when she was planning this trip up to New Hampshire, she didn't want to forget all of her stuff.

[160] So she put all this stuff in some bags and put them on her front porch overnight.

[161] And so what we think is this poor little squirrel crawled into a bag and died.

[162] And then when grandma opened the bag, As I said, she can't see, and she doesn't care what she's buying.

[163] She just assumed that she had purchased this little, like, stuffed animal -looking thing.

[164] Oh, my God.

[165] So my grandma gave me a dead squirrel.

[166] Oh, my God.

[167] Also, if grandmother can't discern, her eyes are so bad that she can't discern a stuffed animal from a dead squirrel.

[168] How the fuck she gets in that PT Cruiser from Connecticut all the way to your house?

[169] I'm not sure.

[170] bumper cars i don't know she must be weaving all over the place bunch of taxidermy in the back you know i'm only a few steps away from this i could easily i worry about you because you're only 35 i know by the time you're a grammy and you're bringing presents you'll just be like your head's underwater in jello all the time oh wow Alex so grandma was handling the carcass yes and like onto her no she was really trying to like sell me on like this she's like it is so soft snuggle it snuggle it now yeah she's trying to justify the purchase oh my god grandma what was grandma's name or is grandma's name grandma was joy and we called her lovingly j a she was joyce ann oh grandma j a and her pt with a ds dead squirrel was was it her mom who made that sweater yeah it was her mom the That's what I'm.

[171] Well, she can see when she needs to, I guess, because that cable knits tight.

[172] No, it was her mall.

[173] Oh, great -grandma.

[174] That's what happened is grandma grew up in a house where the mother was making these beautiful artisanal hand -created gifts and seeing the joy it brought.

[175] But she doesn't have that skill and or couldn't see well enough to execute that fine mortar control.

[176] And so she was forced to just gather garbage and redistributed it.

[177] Right.

[178] Anywhere, anywhere she could find it, exactly.

[179] Well, thank you guys for letting me tell this story.

[180] I was having technical difficulties before this.

[181] I was, like, stressed.

[182] It wasn't going to work.

[183] Do you think you're going to diary after this?

[184] That stressed.

[185] Well, then maybe you can write back in for the next poop story.

[186] Yeah.

[187] Yeah, a follow -up.

[188] That's possible.

[189] Well, Alex, you're so adorable.

[190] You're a great storyteller.

[191] Yeah, really good storyteller.

[192] You have the sweetest smile and a nice cable -knit sweater.

[193] You're a home run.

[194] Okay, don't leave before I tell you, thank you for all that you guys do.

[195] My dad died last year in May after sort of a unsuccessful battle with alcoholism.

[196] And I just love the way that you guys talk about addicts as full people.

[197] My dad was the smartest person I've ever known and his addiction was smarter.

[198] And I just feel like when I listen to you guys, I somehow learn things about my dad still.

[199] and I just wish I could share a lot of it with him, but I'm just very thankful for you, and I can't tell you how much comfort you two have both brought me. Alex, I'm not going to diarrhea.

[200] I'm going to cry now.

[201] Yeah, I know.

[202] That's like the hot best compliment we could ever get.

[203] Yeah, and on behalf of all of us, addicts, I'm so sorry.

[204] I'm sure he loved the daylight side of you and just couldn't get in front of it, and I'm just so sorry you deserved that.

[205] and you're such a sweetie pie.

[206] I wish I could give you a hug.

[207] I could fit right in that flower chair with you.

[208] Oh, yeah, you and some friends.

[209] You and granny.

[210] Yeah, well, I'll pile in there.

[211] Well, thank you guys.

[212] Yeah, it's nice meeting you, Alex.

[213] Thank you so much.

[214] Nice meeting you.

[215] I'll follow all of the instructions I'm sending things.

[216] Okay, good.

[217] Stay on Wobbywob's good side.

[218] All right.

[219] Take care.

[220] Bye.

[221] Oh, man. That breaks my heart.

[222] I do want to show you a video, though.

[223] That's not on topic.

[224] Yes, please do.

[225] I had a hunch it wasn't in keeping with what we were just processing.

[226] It's really not.

[227] It's about shopping.

[228] Okay.

[229] It's really funny.

[230] Is that sweater new?

[231] Yes, $800, but it was 20 % off.

[232] Really?

[233] Which made a $240.

[234] Really?

[235] Which meant I could get these boots?

[236] Really.

[237] They were originally $800, but they were 30 % off, so they were only $560.

[238] Really?

[239] And they ended up being only $500.

[240] How?

[241] I used the $60 that I made on the sweater.

[242] What you do to make $60?

[243] You saved $60 by spending $2 ,000.

[244] That's maybe we're using different math.

[245] Obviously.

[246] Three mini binoculars, Pittsburgh.

[247] Or birding the bomb.

[248] What fact check was that, bro?

[249] And with the $300 I made on the sweater and boots, I got free jeans.

[250] These jeans for free.

[251] Plus free $50.

[252] Someone sent that to you, or did you discover it?

[253] She does shopping math like me. Hello?

[254] Hold on.

[255] Bailey, I'm having issues.

[256] Give you just a quick second.

[257] Can we hear you?

[258] I got you now.

[259] Can you hear me?

[260] Yes.

[261] Crystal clear.

[262] Is this Justin?

[263] It is.

[264] How are you guys?

[265] Great.

[266] Justin's in my top three names.

[267] Every Justin I ever met was so cool.

[268] My cousin included.

[269] Yeah, well, one of my favorites was Maximus, and Dax is pretty close to Daxymus.

[270] Look at that.

[271] Yeah.

[272] There's a campaign to make it Daxomis officially.

[273] Oh.

[274] It changed legally.

[275] Really?

[276] Sure.

[277] Remember how my Wikipedia people had written it was Daximus.

[278] I love that.

[279] You have quite a movie collection.

[280] Books.

[281] Is it books or movies?

[282] This side is my Stephen King first edition collection.

[283] I've got quite a few and some are worth some money and some aren't, but yeah, it's kind of a hobby of mine is to hunt down Stephen King's.

[284] Cool.

[285] Do you go to like estate sales?

[286] Where do you procure these?

[287] Yeah, you know what?

[288] I actually refuse to buy them online because I want the hunt.

[289] Yeah, yeah.

[290] I travel for work and so every city I go to, I Google, use bookstores and go hunt and found some gyms along the way for good deals and others I've had to pay up for, but it's always in the hunt for sure.

[291] What's the number one Stephen King book for you?

[292] for reading -wise, the Dark Tower series, by all means.

[293] It's just amazing.

[294] Unfortunately, the movie didn't do the books justice.

[295] My favorite, though, was probably, I was in Maine for work.

[296] And I stopped at a used bookstore on the side of the road, and I walked in, and I was like, hey, do you have any Stephen King's like an idiot?

[297] Because it's Maine.

[298] Yeah, yeah.

[299] The owner was like, yeah, I've got a small, a few over there, just go look.

[300] And he only had literally a few, but one of them was assigned first edition of Firestarter, which is extremely rare and hard to find.

[301] And you only wanted 50 bucks for it.

[302] I'm like, no, wow.

[303] Let me have that, please.

[304] You'd think it'd be more expensive in Maine.

[305] Yeah, you kind of think so, but I guess maybe there's just so many of them.

[306] What do we think that book is worth?

[307] I'd say $4 to $500 probably.

[308] Wow.

[309] Nice.

[310] For me, it was like a diamond in the rough that I stumbled across.

[311] That's a 10x win right there.

[312] Yeah, and okay, and you guys look beautiful, by the way.

[313] I have to confess that I only listen to two things on the road.

[314] That's Howard Stern and you guys.

[315] Oh, that's very flattering.

[316] Nice.

[317] Okay, so you were either a giver or a receiver of a well -intentioned gift that had gone awry.

[318] A rye or wrong?

[319] A rye.

[320] Okay.

[321] Please, tell us what happened, Justin.

[322] Yeah, so, you know, a couple of years ago, my mom had gone through major cancer surgery, ovarian cancer with a basketball -sized tumor.

[323] Whoa.

[324] Being a son, I'm very sympathetic.

[325] And my wife is a research goddess and looked up things that would help somebody going through chemo to kind of ease their journey.

[326] Really quick, not to be too big of a sicko, but Was the tumor weighed when it was removed?

[327] I didn't ask.

[328] I was very curious about that.

[329] They say the size of a basketball, and I'm picturing like a basketball.

[330] I kind of wonder if it wasn't a 2D size basketball, but I'm not real sure.

[331] Yeah.

[332] No, you're good.

[333] So my wife found out that while you're going through chemo, you can have an effect with metal, like drinking through metal straws or metal water bottles.

[334] So, you know, we ordered her a plastic -type bottle she could drink from.

[335] She found these anti -nazia suckers.

[336] I think they're made for, like, pregnant women.

[337] So if you get, you know, morning sickness, you can just have a sucker and take away the nausea.

[338] She loved them and, you know, went through her treatment and everything.

[339] And then about a year later, her friend had the exact same diagnosis.

[340] Oh my God.

[341] Whole hysterectomy and everything.

[342] And so I was like, you know, it would be nice to find out what my mom thought was good and do it for them too.

[343] And so she said, you know, those suckers were good.

[344] That water bottle was a great idea.

[345] So I got their address from her husband and I had them shipped to their house.

[346] And I I forgot to put a note in there, but I figured the husband knew he gave me his address.

[347] Right.

[348] He would know where it came from.

[349] I got the delivery notification off Amazon, and I'm like, checking my phone.

[350] Like, are they going to call and say thank you or anything, you know, expecting some kind of recognition for my good deed?

[351] Of course.

[352] Nothing ever came.

[353] So I'm like, you know, let me check Facebook and see if maybe she posted, you know, a general thank you to whoever mystery person sent her that.

[354] Turns out she did post, but it was not a thank you like I had hoped for.

[355] So I apparently did not think this through in the slightest bit.

[356] So I actually printed out her a screenshot here.

[357] And she said that I'm laughing because you have to be pretty wretched and miserable to do such a thing.

[358] Oh, my God.

[359] There are a hundred other things you could have sent.

[360] I appreciate the water bottle, but you didn't need to send me pregnancy pops reminding me that I will, in fact, never be pregnant.

[361] Oh, shit.

[362] I did not see that coming.

[363] Oh, my goodness.

[364] Yeah, I never put a second a thought to that because my mom is 65 now.

[365] Right.

[366] I mean, pregnancy wasn't even a thought.

[367] Her breeding days were behind her.

[368] Oh, shit.

[369] Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

[370] Yeah, so, I mean, I was like, I panicked me. And I was like, oh, my God, that was a complete opposite of what I was expecting.

[371] So I'm reading the comments.

[372] And, A, I was already called wretched and miserable.

[373] Somebody else was, wow, that's awful.

[374] People's aren't piling on.

[375] That's insane and rude.

[376] I just totally panicked.

[377] My first instinct, though, to be honest with you, was I felt so bad because she just got this diagnosis and she's going through something so traumatic.

[378] And even though it was an innocent, honest gift, it may have caused her just a moment of pain.

[379] And I hated that.

[380] And so I immediately chimed on Facebook, like, I'm so sorry.

[381] Here's what I meant.

[382] You did.

[383] Oh, you're such a good person.

[384] Yes, it would have been quite easy to just walk away from the whole situation.

[385] Well, you know, it's funny you mentioned that because I've told the story about a dozen times over the last week since I got the invite from you guys.

[386] And every single person was like, oh, my God, I can't believe you responded.

[387] Yeah, that's really nice.

[388] So what did you say?

[389] I just said, oh, my God, I didn't even consider that.

[390] Here, I explained how my mom just went through that.

[391] Oh, my God.

[392] And these were the things that helped her.

[393] Like, I promise you, it was with the utmost good intentions.

[394] And I'm so sorry that it got.

[395] received that way and i know them from church actually so they knew my heart she didn't delete it but she commented the ellisers are good people so it's all good problem is resolved well not why didn't she she kept it up yeah the kind of thing she should have deleted it i don't know but i was kind of glad she did because i did own it and it's good for people to see that people do own their mistakes yes oh man i mean i hate to say it but no good being done punished it's like you went out of your way i probably wanting to have done it to begin with.

[396] And then if I did do it, and I too would be expecting like a hero's parade for my generosity and thoughtfulness to see.

[397] I had made someone mad.

[398] I would have been so defensive.

[399] Oh, my God.

[400] You're really aspirational, Justin.

[401] You really are.

[402] I don't know if I would go that far because, I mean, ideally, yes, you should not do anything at a selfish ambition, but I still wanted that thank you and that acknowledgement.

[403] You're a human.

[404] Come on.

[405] Of course.

[406] Of course.

[407] But look what I get, though.

[408] I get to sit here and look at your pretty faces on the screen and have a conversation with you guys this is amazing oh thank you what do you do that you travel around so much i work for a uh industrial gas and welding company so it bounce around the the country and help customers you know the fab shops weld shops manage inventory and all based out of jinx oklahoma oh wow i got a story that i'll maybe ring true to you so in high school there was this really radical dude who drove a 77 transam red with the big chicken hawk on the hood it was glorious it looked like the bert reynolds car from hooper and i had a musting so when we would leave school we'd both do big burnouts and then we turned left on this one road well he also was so radical he had a nitrous tank well that thing was in his trunk of that sweet transam and i was following him out of the high school got sideways so fun then we turned left down newton he comes flying into that left -hand turn gets it sideways and that whole tank just just torpedoed out the fucking fender of the transam because it was in the trunk sliding around and it just punched a hole right through the fender or quarter panel and shot out onto the road.

[409] We do safety briefings all the time and pictures like that come up often.

[410] They've done things people have done with their gas cylinder.

[411] So I've seen it before.

[412] Yeah, I imagined you would have.

[413] Yeah.

[414] And then the exit hole that leaves is just all this shredded metal.

[415] Yeah, it looked like a bowling ball shot through it.

[416] Oh, yeah.

[417] That's amazing, man. the destruction those things can do you ever seen one blow up not in person thank god although i've ever been across like a big massive like a nitrogen tank or oxygen tank they have to exhaust from time to time i don't have ever seen one heard one exhaust like a big massive bulk tank but it scares the shit out of you really on your own business and all of a sudden it's scary so that enough is good for me why do they have to do that doesn't the pressure stay consistent in there or no i don't really know for sure i'm not on the bulk side if i had to gas has something to do with temperature variations and keeping it stable, but I'm not 100 % on that, so don't tell my boss I said that.

[418] You're smart.

[419] Alex?

[420] I mean, Justin?

[421] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[422] And you're smart, too.

[423] Oh, thank you, thank you.

[424] But I already knew that.

[425] I'm just now meeting Justin.

[426] You're just learning that about Justin.

[427] No, you two have probably the highest emotional IQs of any people I've ever heard before, and I appreciate you bringing that into the world and making it cool.

[428] Oh, thank you, Justin.

[429] That's wonderful to hear.

[430] Well, great meeting you.

[431] Yes, thanks for that story.

[432] To talk about an undeserved, but hey, these things happen.

[433] They happen.

[434] You modeled the perfect response.

[435] I aim for it now.

[436] Also, if you give me a favor, let a good old David Ferrier know.

[437] If he wants to become more American, he should 100 % do an episode on America's Mother Road, Route 66.

[438] Oh, that's a great idea.

[439] Yeah, haven't come to Tulsa, and I'll buy him a beer.

[440] Okay, lovely.

[441] Yeah, if we send him out on the road.

[442] He just learned to drive Well, no, but you just got his driver's license But he also likes to crash cars a lot That's one of his signature moves He blames it on the car Or really, it's him Yeah Well, sometimes it is the car, right, Monica?

[443] I mean, I heard the DMV story So sometimes it is the car No, it's him It's him Well, nice meeting you, thanks for that great story Yeah, appreciate you guys, thank you All right, take care What a nice man I know, encouraging man A man in the fucking trades Out there selling some acetylene Traveling from tool and dye shop To tool and die shop But like does the right thing Listenes to stern But it goes to church Yeah Wow What's up guys It's your girl Kiki And my podcast is back with a new season And let me tell you It's too good And I'm diving into the brains Of entertainment's best and brightest Okay every episode I bring on a friend And I have a real conversation And I don't mean just friends I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[444] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[445] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[446] We've all been there.

[447] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[448] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[449] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[450] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[451] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[452] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[453] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[454] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon music.

[455] Hi.

[456] Oh, hi.

[457] Hello.

[458] Is this Libby?

[459] Yes, this is Libby.

[460] Hi, nice to meet you.

[461] Beautiful, colorful closet.

[462] First impression.

[463] That means a lot coming from you.

[464] I love it.

[465] Well, what it tells me is you're a confident woman because you're drawing attention to yourself.

[466] These are very loud and inviting colors.

[467] Yeah, we love color.

[468] Do you think it's because when you're born with red hair, which I'm going to expose you as having.

[469] You're going to own it.

[470] Like, I'm different.

[471] And then it just filters into everything else.

[472] Right.

[473] Because you're like, let me just add some more to it.

[474] That's right.

[475] Beautiful hair.

[476] Thanks, guys.

[477] Where are you, Alex?

[478] I'm sorry.

[479] I'm sorry.

[480] I'm sorry.

[481] Jack seems calling everyone Alex today.

[482] What is the fight.

[483] We'll just be honest.

[484] I'm so sorry.

[485] The first person we spoke to is named Alex.

[486] And I was having a hard time remembering.

[487] And then I so was obsessing on saying it over and over again.

[488] Now everything I say is Alex.

[489] Libby, I'm so sorry.

[490] I'm sorry.

[491] Well, it was a little bit Like, we were on Jeopardy there for a minute.

[492] Yes, Alex, what is colorful clothing for 600?

[493] Yeah, Tulsa, Oklahoma.

[494] Oh, no, shit.

[495] We just got off the phone with someone in Oklahoma.

[496] Yeah.

[497] This is impossible.

[498] Okay, so you're in Oklahoma.

[499] This is very exciting.

[500] And you were either the giver or the receiver of a present gone awry?

[501] I was the giver of the present gone awry.

[502] Oh, wonderful.

[503] Set the scene for us.

[504] So this was about four years ago at Christmas.

[505] And my in -laws always do this really fun White Elephant slash Dirty Santa Gift Exchange.

[506] So it's super low -key, though, it's fun.

[507] But the idea is you bring one decent gift and then one shitty gift, like pretty much a gag gift.

[508] Right.

[509] And we draw names and you see what you get.

[510] I remember one year there was like this really nice set of kitchen knives.

[511] That's what I did last year at White Elephant.

[512] Just wanted to throw that in there.

[513] Great gift.

[514] You get it, the cooking.

[515] But then there's also been like a used candle.

[516] But it's all lighthearted.

[517] Nobody's sad about it.

[518] Before we get into all of the gift giving, there's dinner and drinks and we're all hanging out.

[519] This is at my husband's aunt and uncle's house.

[520] And they're great hosts.

[521] And it's a really good time.

[522] This particular Christmas, they had invited a few of their friends who didn't have anyone to celebrate with during the Christmas season.

[523] So they came to our Christmas party.

[524] Some orphans from the neighborhood.

[525] Yeah, that's right.

[526] And so one of the women, she had been to several family events, so we knew her.

[527] But there was this man there who we did not know, we'll just call him Dean.

[528] Oh, great.

[529] Probably mid -50s, early 60s, having a good time with all of us, didn't think anything of it.

[530] So, you know, we've been singing Christmas carols and drinking and eating and having a good time.

[531] And then Susan, the host of the night, says, okay, let's all head into the living room.

[532] And we're going to do our gift exchange.

[533] So we're all excited.

[534] Dean and Lisa, who was the other guest there, we're like, oh, we didn't bring anything.

[535] We don't have to play.

[536] But we're like, oh, no, no, no, no. There's a ton of gifts.

[537] Everyone brings extras.

[538] You're in.

[539] So everyone's drawing their numbers.

[540] They get their numbers.

[541] First few gifts go by.

[542] Decent stuff.

[543] Somebody put together a little spa kit with face masks and bath bombs.

[544] So that goes by.

[545] Next person doesn't steal.

[546] They pick a gift and it's a bottle of champagne.

[547] So it's awesome.

[548] These are so far so good.

[549] But also we're kind of like, all right, part of the fun part is the mystery gifts.

[550] So Dean goes ahead and it's his turn and he decides that he's going to pick another gift from the pile and not steal.

[551] So he goes and picks a gift from the pile and my husband and I see it's one that I brought and we're like, yes, oh, this is going to be good.

[552] Like, it's time to shake it up.

[553] He opens his gift and he takes it out and it is a gallon -sized baggie full of like old dog treats, miscellaneous, half -eaten, brawide bones.

[554] Dog chewed scraps.

[555] Yep, all in a Ziploc bag, and it was all wrapped up beautifully in disguise.

[556] So we all start laughing.

[557] It's the first gag gif of the night.

[558] We're like, oh, this is so good.

[559] Susan says something like, oh, I bet you would have rather had that champagne, and we're all just laughing.

[560] But Dean is not doing anything.

[561] He's just staring at the bag of dog treats.

[562] You're detecting.

[563] He doesn't know the premise of this.

[564] evening.

[565] Yes.

[566] So then Susan comes out to him and she's like, remember, like, some of them are jokes.

[567] But then Dean starts, sodding.

[568] Oh, oh, oh.

[569] Oh, no. It's triggering.

[570] He's a loner.

[571] It's...

[572] Dog died.

[573] And we are all just staring at each other, I'm sure of what to do.

[574] And then Sweet Susan, again, the host is like, oh, Dean, like, please feel free to exchange the guest.

[575] Like, you don't have to keep this guest.

[576] Libby, can I ask, is it a quiet whimpering in tears or is it an audible like it's a quiet whimpering but it's a physical whimpering his body's kind of convulsing oh no yes yeah how old is he how old is he 55 or early 60 shit sorry I missed that yeah yeah it's okay I called Libby Alex so we're one for one now or even now yeah so then he reveals he goes oh no no no it's okay he composes himself and he says, my dog died a few months ago, my companion, and these are my first holidays without him, and this was a big reminder of that.

[577] Oh, my God.

[578] Oh, my God.

[579] Oh, no. So we've given a grieving man a gallon -sized bag.

[580] He has a dog treats for the dog that he no longer has.

[581] So he's pretty upset.

[582] I mean, we're all just kind of quiet for a minute.

[583] Again, Susan's like, let's just put it away.

[584] Let's just put that away and, you know, try to move on.

[585] But he actually says, I want to keep this.

[586] That's not a good idea, Dean.

[587] He's going to cry every night over it.

[588] He wanted to keep it as like a memento.

[589] He was like, this is a sign.

[590] Spike's coming back.

[591] Like Spike sent him this.

[592] Oh, that's a nice way to look at it.

[593] Yeah, a bit of a stretch in my opinion.

[594] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[595] It was like a sim moment for him.

[596] Yeah.

[597] The game continued.

[598] It was definitely not as fun as it had been in years past after that incident.

[599] But the rest of the night went on like normal.

[600] I never really had it own up to the fact that it was my gift that was brought until now.

[601] Oh, wow.

[602] Nobody asked.

[603] Yeah.

[604] So I didn't feel the need to say, oh, also that gift that made you miserable, that was me. Yeah.

[605] What would that have done?

[606] Well, what if you would have gone up and said, I was the dog bones?

[607] I kind of need those back for my dog.

[608] I assume no one would want this and we were going to get it back.

[609] And my dog, who's thriving right now, who's very, very much alive, will desire these.

[610] Oh, God.

[611] Poor buddy.

[612] I'm a bit of a mix of feelings.

[613] I'm going to betray what I'm encouraging all men to do, which is be emotional.

[614] Part of me also is, like, three months later.

[615] He's alone.

[616] Yeah.

[617] I guess the fact that he used the word companion tells you a lot about it.

[618] My soulmate Baxter.

[619] If three months after Lola died, there was something like that, she would have cried.

[620] Kristen would have had.

[621] Yeah.

[622] She would have had a cry last night about Lola.

[623] Oh, wow.

[624] So that was quite a long time ago.

[625] That was a few years ago.

[626] She gets it.

[627] Yeah.

[628] I imagine Kristen must have looked on her photos, typed in dogs.

[629] You know, it's so good now at sorting your photos.

[630] You ever do that?

[631] I'm put in a helmet the other day.

[632] It knows what a helmet is.

[633] Oh, wow.

[634] Anyways, so we're looking at all these fun videos, and then yowls and the ones of Lola's pop up.

[635] And then the kids, I don't know why, they turned on me. They go, Dad, did you cry when Lola died?

[636] Oh, God.

[637] They put you on the spots.

[638] They really did.

[639] And I was like.

[640] They were there too.

[641] Yeah, I was supposed to be there for two days and I had to come home early.

[642] So I was kind of resentful of the timing, selfishly.

[643] She bailed me out.

[644] She goes, I think your dad was more worried about me. Probably didn't have time.

[645] Oh, that was generous.

[646] extremely generous yeah did he ever attend any future Christmases he has not nope oh is anyone done a check wellness check yeah i hope the reason he hasn't been is he got a new puppy and then he had a great Christmas with he and the puppy no need to come to ours he has a great one on his own now yeah oh liby i'm so sorry that Christmas took a turn but it sounds like everyone responded very kindly and patiently Yeah.

[647] Oh, to be a stranger at someone else's Christmas and have a little breakdown.

[648] I know, that's a lot.

[649] Yeah.

[650] It's heavy.

[651] I'm glad he did that.

[652] He felt safe.

[653] Yeah.

[654] I got to be careful because I'm heading in that direction.

[655] As you know, I'm starting to cry more and more and more.

[656] And it's pretty conceivable that I'll have a good cry when I'm in my early 60s.

[657] It's nice.

[658] It's beautiful.

[659] Embrace it.

[660] Some people even get horny watching it.

[661] Ding, ding, ding, ding.

[662] Some, yeah.

[663] Well, Libby, it's been great meeting you, and thanks for that wonderful story.

[664] I'm inclined to say Merry Christmas.

[665] Well, thank you guys for having me. This is fun.

[666] Oh, good.

[667] I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[668] All right, take care, Libby.

[669] Thanks.

[670] Bye.

[671] These are fun.

[672] They are.

[673] I like that.

[674] It's Christmas.

[675] I already miss Christmas.

[676] That's what I was thinking.

[677] It should be twice a year.

[678] I know.

[679] We should do that.

[680] We can start doing summer Christmas.

[681] Summer Christmas.

[682] Ooh, maybe I could host that at my new house.

[683] Oh, yes.

[684] Backyard barbecue Christmas tree.

[685] Yeah.

[686] You could decorate those insane Dr. Seuss Christmas trees you have that I've urged you to get rid of.

[687] That you don't want me to have.

[688] Yeah.

[689] But this is what I can do.

[690] At Christmas time, since my house will be ready for a couple years, this Christmas, I'll order stuff from Australia because Santa's in like, you know, swimwear.

[691] Oh, right.

[692] And then it'll apply.

[693] Very good idea.

[694] Yeah.

[695] Very good idea.

[696] And now would be the time to get it all.

[697] Yeah, exactly.

[698] So I'll stock up now.

[699] Slashing prices.

[700] You'll make money.

[701] I just have, like, Strippers or something?

[702] Wasn't that part of...

[703] Australian Christmas?

[704] No, some party you were going to have with little strippers.

[705] Oh, that was Valentine's Day.

[706] Cupid's.

[707] Oh, right, right, right.

[708] Your Cupid party.

[709] You got a lot of parties you're going to be hosted.

[710] I hope so.

[711] You know what it turned out to be a terrible neighbor or is it ragers across the street all the time?

[712] You better be coming to the parties.

[713] They're from my friends.

[714] What time are they going to shut down?

[715] Whenever you want.

[716] You know, we've talked about a zip line on the property.

[717] and you're at the perfect elevation for us to install a zip line from and now we're friendly with Jay the neighbor whose house the cable would have to go over the top of.

[718] It would be really cool if you left your window or your balcony every day.

[719] And...

[720] Ziplined?

[721] Yes, right to the attic stairs.

[722] Can you imagine how cool?

[723] And you wore a superhero outfit every morning?

[724] Like a lacy one?

[725] Would it go?

[726] Would it go that way, though?

[727] It would come from your...

[728] It would go down.

[729] Down, yeah.

[730] You'd have to walk home.

[731] Oh.

[732] But it's a straight downhill shot from your veranda.

[733] Hi, Jay!

[734] On my way.

[735] Good morning.

[736] Happy morning.

[737] The city of L .A. is safe.

[738] You'd have your superhero outfit on.

[739] I'm not going to rule it out.

[740] Oh, it sounds great.

[741] How fun for the gas that they arrived at the same time.

[742] You came in with your cape.

[743] Got us somehow get it like through this window so she lands in the chair.

[744] Oh, my God.

[745] You know, put the spring in here to slow you down.

[746] Do you accelerate you?

[747] You know they're thinking about a superhero name for you and a gimmick.

[748] Oh, what would it be?

[749] Mighty Mouse.

[750] Oh, there we go.

[751] But, I mean, isn't there already one?

[752] There is.

[753] Very strong mouse.

[754] That's why I was so quick with it.

[755] Didn't take them long.

[756] All right.

[757] Who we got?

[758] Lori.

[759] Slash Alex.

[760] These stories are sad.

[761] There's a lot of sad parts in these stories.

[762] Sadder than cremation, weirdly.

[763] Oddly sadder than cremation.

[764] What happened?

[765] Ding, ding, ding.

[766] Yesterday, after I left.

[767] I left here.

[768] I was walking down the street and a man was shouting at another man. They obviously knew each other.

[769] And he was like, I'm getting certified at the crematory.

[770] He was talking about getting certified.

[771] To blast people?

[772] Yes.

[773] Oh, my gosh.

[774] Like 10 minutes after I left us recording that.

[775] I feel like that could be an online certification.

[776] You're just igniting a knob.

[777] Yeah.

[778] Do you have any experience baking a cake?

[779] I guess it's like how much damage can you do already dead too.

[780] Also true.

[781] No lawsuits.

[782] Isn't that crazy?

[783] Yeah.

[784] Oh, I just had a thought.

[785] What?

[786] Do you ever think they get backed up and they just start giving other people's ashes to other people?

[787] Like they do it all at once?

[788] Well, maybe that, a huge group one.

[789] A save on, group on.

[790] Uh, ding, ding, ding, ding group on.

[791] Maybe.

[792] Because how would you ever know?

[793] So that's, that isn't even what I was suggesting.

[794] That's even better because then you don't know who's ashes you got.

[795] But I'm just thinking like someone's calling like, you said you're going to have the ashes done but they're like five behind so they just give the ashes somebody else it's like a Ponzi scheme first out and then they give the ashes of this one person do you think they're that busy yeah I think about how many people die and I think there's an explosion in deaths you know what I'm saying like well you got New Year's Eve these like drinking holidays I bet it goes up a lot Christmas there's bad weather all of a sudden you got a bunch of corpses oh I bet there's times they're backed back yeah that's probably true oh my God.

[796] We got to get an expert in.

[797] Well, I'll just find that guy.

[798] I'll just walk back on.

[799] Yeah, he's almost there.

[800] Prall the streets a little bit.

[801] Hello.

[802] Oh, my God.

[803] Hello.

[804] Hi, Lori.

[805] How are you?

[806] I'm good.

[807] How are you?

[808] Where did you get this incredible shirt, the luncheonette?

[809] I had to wear that shirt for you because I'm obsessed with Parenthood.

[810] Oh.

[811] How flattering.

[812] There's so much stimulating stuff to look at.

[813] You also have a standies of ice cream.

[814] cream comb that we got from an ice cream store that was getting rid of it.

[815] Cute.

[816] Do you have children?

[817] I have two teenagers.

[818] Okay, and they needed that.

[819] Or did you need that, Lori?

[820] No, I needed that.

[821] They don't care.

[822] You needed it.

[823] Wonderful.

[824] Oh, love it.

[825] So that's a real place there in San Francisco, the luncheon?

[826] No, it's for the show.

[827] Oh, and it says San Francisco under it.

[828] Yeah.

[829] It's actually so big that I can't really wear it out because it just is shapeless and doesn't look that good.

[830] but this was the perfect time to dust it off.

[831] You should wear it in this new chair.

[832] Speaking of too big and shapeless.

[833] You are the second redhead we have spoken with today.

[834] I'll be honest.

[835] I'm a fake redhead.

[836] Good for you, though.

[837] Good color.

[838] Yeah, I really like it.

[839] Thank you.

[840] You know, when I dye my hair, which is occasional, I always go red.

[841] I love the red.

[842] I've been doing it since I was 21.

[843] Same.

[844] So it's not because I'm old, which I am.

[845] but it's not because of that.

[846] Aren't we all?

[847] Yeah.

[848] Okay, so you were a part of a well -intentioned gift that went sideways.

[849] Were you the giver or the give -e?

[850] I was the receiver of the gift.

[851] Okay.

[852] Yeah, we wouldn't say give -e for the receiver.

[853] That was bad.

[854] That makes no sense.

[855] Okay, walk us through this unfortunate event.

[856] Okay, so this was back in the day when I used to leave the house to go to work.

[857] And so when my son was one year old, he's now 19.

[858] When he was one, we had a nanny named Garnet.

[859] And Garnett was an amazing nanny, but I was just listening to you guys talking to Priyanka, and she was a peacock.

[860] She had to be the center of attention.

[861] Uh -huh, uh -huh.

[862] So she called me at work one day and said, I got you the greatest present in the world.

[863] I'm so excited.

[864] I can't wait for you to come home.

[865] It's the greatest thing ever.

[866] I've been waiting so long to do this.

[867] Oh, wow.

[868] She's really building it up.

[869] She's kind of screwing herself over.

[870] Yeah, you should never hype it.

[871] No. You want to over.

[872] achieve expectations.

[873] Yeah, you want to under...

[874] Over -deliver.

[875] Yeah, under -promise over -deliver.

[876] There it is.

[877] So I come home, she's standing in the door, she is beaming like a ray of sunlight.

[878] Like, you can see the light coming out of her face, the biggest smile I ever saw.

[879] She takes me into the kitchen first.

[880] And in the kitchen, we have a window over the kitchen sink, and then a counter and then a door to the deck with a window over that.

[881] And I had put some very understated curtains over the those windows so that the sun doesn't hit you in the face when you're doing the dishes.

[882] Absolutely.

[883] Garnet had replaced the curtains with these ruffly white curtains with giant fruit prints all over.

[884] Oh, boy.

[885] Oh, boy.

[886] Like huge clusters of giant fruits and the one over the kitchen window instead of blocking the sun was shaped to go around your head with ruffles so that the sun could still stab you, in the eye while you were doing the dishes.

[887] Oh, those are not functional and not fashionable.

[888] Right.

[889] Terrifying.

[890] This is such an arrogant present to think you could pick out the decoration in someone's home.

[891] I know.

[892] So ballsy.

[893] Yeah.

[894] Well, then she took me into the living room.

[895] Oh, my God.

[896] And in the living room, we have a great big bay window that looks out onto the street.

[897] Monica, I'm not a shopper like you are.

[898] I'm not a good shopper.

[899] I don't like to shop.

[900] It's not my thing.

[901] but I looked long and hard to find the exact right curtains to stop the sun from hitting you in the face, still let some light in, not make the room smaller or darker, the right length.

[902] It was a big deal to find these, and I'm a cheap skate too, so that was part of it.

[903] So she had replaced those with these completely sheer white curtains that didn't block any sunlight or people really from seeing us jumping around the living room.

[904] And then because they were too long for the windows, she had.

[905] had sewn the bottoms of them all together erratically.

[906] Oh, not, she didn't do a great job.

[907] This is unfortunate because it's really thoughtful, though.

[908] That part's thoughtful.

[909] She tried to ham him and put it.

[910] Oh, fuck.

[911] This is my nightmare.

[912] Yes.

[913] I mean, it was intended to be thoughtful.

[914] Yes.

[915] And she's just beaming.

[916] And here's the thing, like, if someone buys you an ugly vase, then when they come over, you put out the ugly vase.

[917] And when they leave, you put it away.

[918] She was in my house five days a week.

[919] Yes.

[920] Also, you can't put up curtains and take down curtains.

[921] That's a Saturday project.

[922] Yeah, we weighed that option, and we had a one -year -old.

[923] We didn't have it in us.

[924] Do you remember your reaction while you were being led from room to room?

[925] Were you doing a good job selling it, or were you laying the groundwork to ultimately let her know we're not going to keep these?

[926] I mean, she is the kind of person who didn't always notice people's reactions anyway.

[927] Very devoted to the kids always, but with adults, it was about her.

[928] And I think I had probably my father's trademark fake smile, like a gritty teeth kind of.

[929] The listener can't see the smile, but I can, and you don't look happy.

[930] No, no, no. It's pretty obvious.

[931] Yeah, it's not a really great fake smile.

[932] It's a very plastered.

[933] And so I started emailing and calling my friends and family saying, what would you do?

[934] Because I didn't know how to handle it.

[935] And all they did was laugh hysterically.

[936] Yeah.

[937] Especially when they asked for pictures and I sent them pictures and then they would laugh even harder.

[938] And then I asked my grandmother because then she was in her 80s.

[939] She's 103 now.

[940] Oh, my God.

[941] Yeah, she's awesome.

[942] I figured she's seen everything, right?

[943] Like she's dealt with every situation.

[944] So I asked her and the email back, the first thing said, please don't invite her to my apartment.

[945] Granny's getting in on the action here.

[946] And then she said, why don't you tell her that, Dave, my husband, doesn't like change unless he is consulted.

[947] Great.

[948] Move.

[949] Except that Garnett knew Dave very, very well, because we all knew each other very well.

[950] And while Dave does indeed not like change, the last thing Dave ever wants in his life and anything is to be consulted.

[951] Okay.

[952] So totally off -brand for Dave.

[953] Right.

[954] If he could get through life without me ever saying, do you want to do this or this, he would be so happy.

[955] Great.

[956] And then also, is he a people -pleaser?

[957] He's very non -confrontational.

[958] There we go.

[959] That's the word.

[960] So he wouldn't like being dragged into this.

[961] Slash thrown under the bus.

[962] Yeah.

[963] Depends on a tomato.

[964] Tomato.

[965] He wanted no part of it.

[966] I finally had to gather up some gumption and sit down with her.

[967] Oh, God.

[968] Oh, how long had they been in the house before you sit down with her?

[969] Well, she went on vacation.

[970] Oh.

[971] And we were afraid to take them down.

[972] Yeah.

[973] Yeah.

[974] So we're living with this horror, this daily horror in our house.

[975] And I'm thinking, how many times has she walked around my house thinking, oh, I want to swap up that couch?

[976] Yes.

[977] You know, like looking at everything with that judge, I'm a little sensitive about my lack of ability to really beautifully decorate a home.

[978] Okay.

[979] Well, you know you're not great at it, so it's already an insecurity, and now it's right out in the open.

[980] And in fact, your style must be so bad that it invited this.

[981] I mean, it's a real statement, right?

[982] Yeah.

[983] Like, yes.

[984] Yes.

[985] There's a lot of subtext to it.

[986] And the assumption was maybe she thought the curtains came with the house.

[987] Sure.

[988] Yeah.

[989] She was like, oh, you know, Lori doesn't have style, but I do.

[990] And I'm going to help her out.

[991] Yeah, she thought she was doing you a big favor.

[992] She acted as if she was, for sure.

[993] So I finally sit down with her and I tell her.

[994] I'm so sorry, but I just want you to know I really looked a long time before I put up those curtains that I chose.

[995] For my house.

[996] I mean, the whole day I was so nervous about having this conversation.

[997] And then she says, oh, I knew it was risky.

[998] Oh.

[999] That didn't match the presentation.

[1000] Right.

[1001] Okay.

[1002] But sounds like she took it kind of well.

[1003] She did ultimately take it well, but I did forever imagine her judging my entire house.

[1004] I kind of think that when people come over who aren't my family or friends that they're doing the same thing.

[1005] Right.

[1006] This is an old injury.

[1007] And had I left it to Dave, we would still have the curtains.

[1008] Oh, I'm really proud of you for sticking up for yourself.

[1009] Eventually, she left your employee, your child's now 19.

[1010] Was there any thought of like, well, we're only going to have a nanny for another six years?

[1011] No, you can't live like that.

[1012] Two kids.

[1013] Okay.

[1014] But I can imagine Dave going like, look, we're just going to have to grin and bear it for six years.

[1015] She'll be out of here.

[1016] She might even find a different job in a couple years.

[1017] Which she did, actually.

[1018] She did.

[1019] I think, do we got to fire her?

[1020] Oh, my God.

[1021] Oh, no. Oh, wow.

[1022] You went that.

[1023] I don't know.

[1024] There's only so many options.

[1025] It's like, I can't live like this.

[1026] And I don't want to hurt her feelings.

[1027] Yeah, I'd rather fire than her feelings.

[1028] I think you did the admirable thing.

[1029] It sounds like you laid it out nicely, which is those had meant, you know, I put some real effort into those and I liked them.

[1030] I did.

[1031] I tried to describe my process and just was saying different taste.

[1032] different.

[1033] I mean, it was a long time ago, so it's hard to remember exactly what I said.

[1034] But she didn't storm out, so I figure I did okay.

[1035] We ended up getting a different nanny for other reasons.

[1036] And the new nanny did not ever try to redecorate my house.

[1037] But if that was like in the interview process, you're like asking.

[1038] What do you think of these?

[1039] How do you feel about those curtains?

[1040] Yeah.

[1041] And I still have my curtains up and it's fine.

[1042] The same ones.

[1043] The same ones that I had chosen all those years ago.

[1044] That says a lot.

[1045] That says a lot.

[1046] Because that's, that's a lot.

[1047] 18 years ago, they were already up for a while.

[1048] I feel you.

[1049] Creature of habit.

[1050] And they took a long time to find.

[1051] I got to be honest.

[1052] You know, I painted my walls orange here like I have some thoughts.

[1053] Yes, you have a very particular aesthetic and you feel most comfortable in it.

[1054] And that needs to be respected.

[1055] Yes.

[1056] Oh, that was great.

[1057] That's wonderful.

[1058] That makes me want to do a prank like that.

[1059] Yeah.

[1060] Buy somebody a really large area rug for their living room.

[1061] What you have to do is put it there while they're out.

[1062] Yes.

[1063] So they come home and then the new thing is there and hide the one that you took away.

[1064] I think Kimmel did this.

[1065] I think he hired someone to paint his uncle's house and they did hidden cameras.

[1066] No. Yeah.

[1067] And I think they painted his house peach or paint or something.

[1068] And yeah, he had a predictable meltdown about it.

[1069] Oh, that's amazing.

[1070] That's a good prank.

[1071] Really good.

[1072] I have to tell you guys this because I used to.

[1073] be this annoying person who would say, why are you listening to podcasts?

[1074] I don't like podcasts.

[1075] What's a podcast?

[1076] And then I fell hard for your podcast, talking about it to my husband's dismay constantly.

[1077] Poor Dave.

[1078] Honestly, I would say thinking about certain things differently because of stuff you guys said.

[1079] Now I listen to a million podcasts.

[1080] I have a newsletter about the podcasts that I listen to.

[1081] And I co -host a weekly podcast myself that's been going for two and a half years.

[1082] Wonderful.

[1083] Oh my God.

[1084] That's flattering.

[1085] Who do you do it with?

[1086] Tony, Anthony Pascal is my co -host.

[1087] We're a Star Trek podcast, which I know you guys cannot relate to.

[1088] No, but we love a niche.

[1089] It's been my thing since I was, you know, 10 or something.

[1090] Well, that sounds so fun.

[1091] I'm so delighted that we were a part of a journey that's led to you being creative and productive and having fun talking about something you love.

[1092] Well, Lori, this fills my self -esteem cup to the brim.

[1093] I appreciate it.

[1094] And I wish you luck on all these.

[1095] endeavors.

[1096] Thank you so much.

[1097] You've just filled so much of my time with happiness and joy and thoughtfulness and laughing out and yelling at you guys.

[1098] Sure, Matt.

[1099] Just everything.

[1100] Thank you.

[1101] Wonderful.

[1102] Nice meeting you.

[1103] Bye.

[1104] Bye.

[1105] All right.

[1106] Well, that was gift giving.

[1107] That was gift giving.

[1108] That is a bold gift.

[1109] Hanging new drapes in someone's home.

[1110] That's really good.

[1111] If you do that in my house, you're fired.

[1112] I hate to pass judgment on her.

[1113] What was her name?

[1114] Garnet.

[1115] Garnet.

[1116] But it sounds.

[1117] Dig me. My God.

[1118] Dignin.

[1119] Wasn't that the own Wilson's name of bottle rocket?

[1120] It sounds a little narcissistic.

[1121] Of course it does.

[1122] Am I allowed to say that?

[1123] Yeah.

[1124] Someone who goes into another person's house and then just decides to change it without asking.

[1125] Yeah.

[1126] Or getting permission.

[1127] Yeah.

[1128] It's beyond bold.

[1129] Yes, because it's saying I know best for your house.

[1130] That's right.

[1131] I'm the boss and you're my employee.

[1132] You'll live how I say you're going to live.

[1133] I'm going to decorate your house.

[1134] I'm going to come in there and go wild, leather, everything, wood everywhere.

[1135] You said we have the same aesthetic.

[1136] We do.

[1137] I'll do a great job.

[1138] A bunch of chairs look like that.

[1139] You're going to walk in and you're going to go, oh, what's this feeling?

[1140] I'm having a visceral feeling.

[1141] And it's going to be how you felt in Nirmie's womb.

[1142] Oh, that's nice.

[1143] I think I had fun in there.

[1144] You sure did, splashing around.

[1145] Probably a tiny little baby.

[1146] What were you, four pounds when you came out?

[1147] I was six pounds.

[1148] Six pounds.

[1149] Maybe things were not fun in the womb, and that's why I'm bad at swimming.

[1150] It seems to be logical.

[1151] Also, you have to go everywhere your mom goes.

[1152] Yeah, that's boring.

[1153] Oh, that reminds me when I had to go to Harry's grocery store with my mom a lot.

[1154] Oh, you hated it.

[1155] Hated it.

[1156] He always dragged me there.

[1157] Harry's?

[1158] Is that like an individually owned one -off?

[1159] It was, and I feel like I felt like it was ethnic.

[1160] Oh, of course.

[1161] And I don't think it was.

[1162] And I associated that.

[1163] One time I brought my friend Ashley.

[1164] I didn't want to.

[1165] Like we were coming back from something.

[1166] My mom wanted to stop at Harry's.

[1167] And I was like, we cannot stop at Harry's with Ashley, popular Ashley.

[1168] They have curry there.

[1169] Oh my God.

[1170] I was so embarrassed.

[1171] My mom like got fish or something.

[1172] And we were near the fish.

[1173] And Ashley was like gagging at the fish smell.

[1174] I want to die.

[1175] I got to die now.

[1176] My life was so hard.

[1177] It sounds really nice.

[1178] All right.

[1179] Love you.

[1180] Love you.

[1181] You've never had a gift gone wrong.

[1182] Oh, thanks.

[1183] Yeah, you're always nail gifts.

[1184] I've never had a bad gift from you as well.

[1185] Speaking of your gifts, though, have you cracked open the Formula One book for your F1 podcast?

[1186] That would be a good tie -in.

[1187] It would be a good tie -in because I could do some history out of it.

[1188] Yeah.

[1189] Yeah, that's a really good idea.

[1190] Yeah.

[1191] I've luxuriated in my foot massager.

[1192] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1193] Good.

[1194] Spent the whole afternoon.

[1195] Mm. Yeah.

[1196] I don't know how long you're supposed to, but I think it's, I went in like five sessions.

[1197] Yeah, I know.

[1198] It's nice.

[1199] My feet were jello at the end.

[1200] All the bones were powder.

[1201] Yes.

[1202] It was like the fingers in everywhere.

[1203] I was a hot dog ants.

[1204] Yeah, hot dog hands.

[1205] Oh, my God.

[1206] All right.

[1207] Well, I love you.

[1208] Love you.

[1209] Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[1210] I want to sing a tune or something?

[1211] Okay, great.

[1212] We don't have a thing song for this new show.

[1213] So here I go, go, go.

[1214] We're going to ask some random questions, and with the help of armchair, he's book it's some suggestions.

[1215] On the flyer rhymed dish, on the flyer rhyme dish, enjoy.

[1216] Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1217] You can listen to every episode of Armchair expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[1218] Before you go, tell us about yourself by K. completing a short survey at Wondry .com slash survey.