#401 - Doug Benson

[0] you're not a health pusher for sure but I've been at meals with you yeah and you never tell anybody what to eat and you always pass over another big plate of something that's awful for people like you love you still love food oh yeah and eating late at night yeah that's a bad thing eating late at night is a bad thing well it's a bad thing if you're overweight yeah yeah yeah I mean it can definitely put weight on you but I'm not overweight no I know you can get away with it but it's only I like get away with it because I work out a lot.

[1] But I mean, you know, you're enabling fats like me that get to go with you and have these delicious meals.

[2] But post -show food is probably one of the most pleasurable things ever, isn't it?

[3] Food is the most pleasurable thing.

[4] But food for us, too, like after a big show, like, it's like, after a big show that goes well, you have a great feeling.

[5] It's a great feeling of relief.

[6] There's a great feeling of, like, you had a great exchange with these people.

[7] They had a good time.

[8] It feels like super positive all around.

[9] It's what makes you work hard.

[10] to do stand -up and to really get good at it.

[11] And then after that.

[12] You're not going to just go sit by yourself or go to sleep or something.

[13] You've got to go out.

[14] We definitely, the post -show meals are like the most fun meals.

[15] You know, we're all relaxed.

[16] We did our show.

[17] And then we can go to some groovy place.

[18] Like, fucking Chinese restaurant that we went to.

[19] Me, Segura, and Brian Callan in Toronto.

[20] God damn it was good.

[21] Holy shit.

[22] You forget, like, if you're in, like, a real city, like, Toronto, you can get some fucking serious, like, legit ethnic food, you know, where people don't even barely speak English and they're serving your Chinese food.

[23] Yeah, yeah.

[24] Ducks that are hanging in the window and shit, one of those joints.

[25] God, it was fucking good.

[26] If I'm out of the road with you and you're like, I'm just going to take it easy tonight and go home after the, you know, after whatever we just did, I'm always, you know, it's sad because it's, because every time we go out, we always, you always find some new amazing restaurant in every town.

[27] everywhere and the people that are always super nice to you and it's uh it's really it's it's good fun yeah it's always good fun it's good fun i love tipping the shit out of waiters hey um let's we don't need any music Doug benson's yeah we're gonna experience yeah we've been going for like 40 minutes haven't we yeah there's no need to like there's no need to like play music we've already started we're already off and running it's on yeah and all the shit that's bad for you though i think that a post -show meals on the short list the pre -show drinks well there's a lot of things yeah well also that's my problem is i can't have a big meal before a show because it just it makes me i literally do not want to perform you know which is which is such a horrible feeling because that's my favorite thing to do is perform yeah and so to feel like not getting you don't feel like getting up there that's that sucks so it's a terrible feeling yes you can't uh you can't Well, I stopped eating gluten.

[28] I stopped eating gluten several months ago.

[29] It's pretty interesting.

[30] That's a big thing for...

[31] Does it seem real all of a sudden that it's just everywhere?

[32] They're constantly talking about gluten?

[33] Well, you know why?

[34] It's because I think a lot of people have just sort of accepted a certain way of feeling.

[35] They just...

[36] This is just how I feel.

[37] This is my health.

[38] This is my health level.

[39] Yeah.

[40] And then you can do something, like, especially if you're...

[41] That celiac disease, like, a lot of people have, like, real allergies to wheat.

[42] It's a serious issue.

[43] Yeah, and weeds and everything.

[44] Yeah, I don't have an allergy to it, but I noticed when I stopped eating it, like, almost right away, that my energy level was way more even throughout the day.

[45] Like, there wasn't this big crash after meals.

[46] And I started thinking about it, like, that is crazy.

[47] If that's really the case, that the crash after meals is always bread or pasta.

[48] And then I stopped and thought about every time that I got, like, really, like, stuffed up on lasagna or spaghetti or something like that.

[49] That is the worst after -food coma.

[50] It's the most delicious shit while you're eating it.

[51] Yeah.

[52] But you fucking pay hard.

[53] Like your body wants to crash because it's processing all that wheat.

[54] It's all like just fucking gummy, weird pasty shit sitting in the bottom of your stomach that doesn't exist in nature.

[55] Some weird creation that we've concocted and strengthened.

[56] It's funny you said gummy because gum has wheat in it.

[57] Yeah.

[58] Isn't that crazy?

[59] Yeah.

[60] All it took was one guy said.

[61] saying to me, you know, all that gum you're chewing, you're just, you're just triggering yourself to want more wheat, and I stop chewing gum altogether, and it's, it's great.

[62] Does all gum have weed in it?

[63] So if you look at the...

[64] Did you Google this?

[65] Yeah, Google it up.

[66] And supposedly a lot of it does.

[67] Wow.

[68] Does gum have weed in it?

[69] Bitch, Siri can't fuck with me. Gluten free gum, which brand to choose?

[70] Wow, some gum has fucking gluten in it.

[71] That is nuts.

[72] What are the gluten -free ones?

[73] It says wheat is chewing gum.

[74] This is incredible.

[75] Oh, my.

[76] God, wow.

[77] Back in the days before there was chewing gum in the stores, farmers actually made their own with grains of wheat.

[78] That's why you see assholes out in the sticks chewing on the end of a thing of wheat.

[79] Yeah.

[80] It's like gum.

[81] Wow.

[82] I want more of this wheat in the...

[83] Wow.

[84] Yeah, you put the...

[85] Wow, you can chew it down to gum.

[86] You put the grains of wheat in your mouth.

[87] You crunch down slowly.

[88] Start chewing.

[89] Your jaw and teeth will turn into a stone grinder, and you will immediately begin to taste the nutty flavor.

[90] of the whole wheat.

[91] If you continue chewing for a few minutes, swallowing the SS saliva but not the grains, there will be a little mound of dough right inside your mouth.

[92] Keep chewing, and it will get smoother and soon turn into old -fashioned farmer's gum.

[93] Farmers' gum is pure wheat gluten.

[94] It has pleasing texture, and will last and last.

[95] Probably no flavor.

[96] Well, that's why that shit shouldn't be in your fucking stomach.

[97] Like, that's a perfect example.

[98] You're eating that, and it boils down.

[99] Swallowing gum, too.

[100] I decided to stop doing that.

[101] When you're fucking...

[102] Oh, I'm eating too much gum.

[103] I'm in my 40s.

[104] I think it's about time to stop swallowing gum.

[105] I still do that.

[106] You do?

[107] Oh, yeah.

[108] How often?

[109] Because somebody told me, like, oh, it stays in your stomach for 10 years or something.

[110] And I went online and I was like, oh, that's bullshit.

[111] You shit it out.

[112] But so I just starts...

[113] It still doesn't seem like the right thing to have down there.

[114] That was one of those myths, though, that, like, went across the world.

[115] Right.

[116] Yeah.

[117] If you ate Gondon.

[118] It's in your system for 10 years.

[119] What is, where that come from?

[120] Or watermelon seeds.

[121] You grow a watermelon inside your belly.

[122] Have you heard that?

[123] That's called pregnancy, and it's normal.

[124] Well, you know, Anthony Bourdain told me that people get that the same stomach disease that Brock Lesnar had.

[125] What is it called?

[126] Where you have lesions, diverticulitis.

[127] Anthony Bordane said you can get that from seeds.

[128] Like a seed can get stuck inside your body.

[129] It does not necessarily entirely from just eating meat, like, Brock Lesnar supposedly it was like because he didn't eat enough fiber.

[130] He's such a fucking carnivore.

[131] He's just chewing down steaks all day.

[132] Right.

[133] And no vegetables or anything like that.

[134] So he had developed like a backup.

[135] You know, he got clogged up down there.

[136] But he said that anything could do it.

[137] Like, you know, like seeds can get stuck in there.

[138] That's good.

[139] I force myself to eat vegetables every time I have a steak just because I somewhere got in my head that like it's just bad to just have a steak, even though I could just fuck up a steak and not even mess with the vegetables.

[140] So I just get a vegetable that goes.

[141] good with it and then like put some in every bite you know like i'll throw some spinach on my steak you know well they say it's good digestive wise to to like to open up the pipes the idea is like you have a big salad and then the big salad sort of like pushes the door open for the lumps of steak shit but it's it's like the fiber and the the the watery texture of all that vegetables all the water content of that food it makes it easy the process like if you just eat nothing but salads for a couple days, your shits would be magnificent.

[142] They'll be beautiful.

[143] Right, but they'll slide out of you.

[144] It's so boring to just eat salads.

[145] I don't think it's a good idea to do, like, long -term.

[146] I think that, you know, but I think you would be surprised at how much protein is in vegetables.

[147] Like, broccoli apparently has a lot of protein in it.

[148] Like, they know, quinoa has a lot of protein in it.

[149] You know, hemp has a tremendous amount of protein in it.

[150] Hemp is very high in protein, and has essentially amino acids.

[151] Like, say, they know you can get a lot out of eating plants, but it's way easier to be, like, optimally healthy if you take in some animal protein, even if it's only eggs.

[152] That's a weird thing with, like, vegans and such.

[153] Vegans and such, what am I, Tom?

[154] What's his name?

[155] The fucking Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer.

[156] Mark Twain?

[157] Vegans and such.

[158] They won't eat eggs, which I think is really weird.

[159] Because I guess the idea is you don't want to have domesticated animals, period.

[160] but it doesn't hurt the animals.

[161] You know, they have eggs every day.

[162] It's really, it's super healthy to eat.

[163] You don't have to eat the chickens.

[164] Chickens can be free range.

[165] They can have a nice little life.

[166] I mean, chickens are not like super complicated animals.

[167] They don't really need to be like living in the wild.

[168] And if they lived in the wild, guess what?

[169] They're not going to last.

[170] Chickens can't even fly, you know?

[171] Someone's going to get them, whether it's coyotes or they go to sleep at night and they just sit there.

[172] You know, do you know what happens when you just sit in there and a coyote comes around?

[173] They fucking eat.

[174] you when the coyotes hunt they hunt at night you know i mean the chickens really wouldn't even be around man it's a silly idea um the idea is that you know you shouldn't have anything to do with domesticating animals i think that must be what they're saying because it doesn't have to do with murder eggs are delicious they come right out of the chicken and nobody's harmed simple they make them every every vegetarian vegan i know is totally on the egg tip they eat eggs yeah oh that's good that's everyone i know well you can't be a vegan if you're eating eggs that's not vegan.

[175] Eggs are animal.

[176] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[177] So they're vegetarians, or they go, or they say, I'm not a strict vegan, but I adopt a lot of the vegan.

[178] Yeah, most vegans, I know, like, they also go, oh, but I do fish.

[179] That's not a vegan.

[180] I know.

[181] Those are silly bitches.

[182] That's an L .A. vegan.

[183] That's Tony.

[184] It's L .A. being, like, convenient.

[185] Well, Tony's very much vegan except for that.

[186] Right.

[187] You know, he eats animal protein.

[188] I'm saying, I'm saying, like, most vegans I know, like Tony, they, they, they, they, all have that one thing, though, where they're like, I'm not die hard to the point of everything because I still eat fish or egg or something like that.

[189] So it's more of a health choice than like the ideology.

[190] But Tony's hilarious because he fucking smokes cigarettes.

[191] He fucking smokes cigarettes like a little chimney and, you know, and he's like eating vegan.

[192] And he drinks every night.

[193] Every night I go to the bar and I'm like, you know what?

[194] I'm not going to drink tonight.

[195] And then I'm like, Tony, you're not drinking the night, right?

[196] We got, and he goes, oh yeah, I'm drinking.

[197] He's the one that always puts goes, well, if he does, and I'm going to do it.

[198] It's a funny dude, too.

[199] He's a funny dude.

[200] That's called being a comedian.

[201] We're a mess.

[202] We're a fucking crazy people.

[203] Yeah, I mean, that's why I may never quit drinking is because I'm in nightclubs every night and I enjoy it.

[204] Yeah, it's kind of fun.

[205] Unfortunately.

[206] You know, like, it's why I take the fun out of what we're doing by, like, insisting on, you know.

[207] Staying alive.

[208] But no, you know, like most comedians that turn sober, they, you know.

[209] they uh they lose a step they they they lose interest in being in the clubs and you know and doing stand -up and it's like i never want to lose interest in that you know by the way when i said they lose a step doesn't mean you have to i'm not saying i'm not saying that they but i am saying that a lot of guys who uh who like that i've known that become sober they lose like a certain amount of zest they they all the sudden now they're like well this is just life now there's no altering this state of consciousness i'm just going to say stay mellow and flat.

[210] And they have other things that fill the void.

[211] You know, like Chris Hardwick's sober, but he plays video games all day long every day.

[212] You have to fill the void.

[213] Yeah.

[214] You've got to have something fun.

[215] Yeah, it's going to be another addiction.

[216] The reason to wake up every day.

[217] Yeah, to some other addiction.

[218] But I don't think there's anything wrong of being sober.

[219] Don't get me wrong.

[220] And I think that, like, Hicks did his best stuff after he was sober.

[221] Well, that's interesting.

[222] You don't have to be fucked up to make good comedy.

[223] I mean, there's no doubt about it.

[224] Oh, that's true for sure.

[225] But to, you know, to appreciate the experience, like, once he was sober, I bet Bill Hicks, like, would walk in the club, do his set and walk out of the club.

[226] Like, you didn't...

[227] Probably.

[228] You know what I mean?

[229] It's no fun to be in there if you can't participate.

[230] Right, right, right.

[231] You know?

[232] If you can't hang out and joke around and laugh.

[233] That's, like, one of the most fun things about being a comedian is hanging out with comedians.

[234] Mm -hmm.

[235] Shooting the shit, after shows, you know?

[236] It's more in the morning.

[237] It might be the best thing.

[238] Various times, man. Fucking, just altogether hilarious times after shows.

[239] That's probably a good, good reality show.

[240] Stand -up post -show.

[241] That's a good idea.

[242] This shows over, get offstage, and, you know, everybody hangs.

[243] Follow them around.

[244] Follow them around as they eat and just talk shit after shows.

[245] It's like a great, insomniac, but in packs of comedians and not just Dave Attell.

[246] That's actually a great fucking idea.

[247] That is a good idea.

[248] It's a great idea.

[249] Holy shit.

[250] Comedians after shows eating for.

[251] Don't be stealing this internet.

[252] God damn it.

[253] Doug, do you ever have any problems?

[254] Because you drink a lot.

[255] Do you ever have any tummy troubles or any problems from you?

[256] Tummy troubles.

[257] Well, you do.

[258] Every time I say, you're always, you know, with your vodka and, you know.

[259] I do drink way too much vodka.

[260] But I don't, you know, like when people offer me shots, like I say no all the time now.

[261] Yeah.

[262] Because that to me is just like, once you've had a few shots, then it's just like, then you just have a lot of shots.

[263] Right.

[264] And then I hate hangovers.

[265] Like, that's my thing.

[266] is it it's like drink as much as I can to get my buzz going and then not be hung over the next day and it's a very it's a very small window there that you have to aim for right so I don't always get there but no tummy troubles or anything Tommy do you have to go party saying it um no I don't really but I also like Joe was saying about how people just sort of like accept how they feel right I could probably feel a lot better if I stop drinking, you know, four or five vodkas every night.

[267] For sure.

[268] It will definitely help.

[269] Yeah.

[270] But the food thing.

[271] I'm having fun, you know, and I'm not, you know, that's what the scales have to adjust.

[272] Like, you with what you have right now, it sounds like you might change some things in your life if that, if how you're feeling now would continue if you didn't.

[273] That's just standard Brian talk.

[274] Listen to me. He's going to ride that boat right into the fucking rocks.

[275] I went, the accelerator press.

[276] Last time I was sick, it was because of drinking, I think.

[277] And it was because I used to drink Jack and Diet Coke every night.

[278] And then I switched it to ginger ale because that's better on your stomach.

[279] But Turkey 101.

[280] And it's worse.

[281] Turkey 101 is worse than Jack.

[282] It's more alcohol.

[283] Oh, really?

[284] That's what that 101 is.

[285] Really?

[286] I don't know the difference between those, so I couldn't tell you.

[287] That's hilarious.

[288] Yeah.

[289] Yeah.

[290] You definitely can't redline your system forever.

[291] that's one thing right like it's always good to balance shit out like it's one of the things i actually always admired about andy dick andy dick would go on this mad benders but i never seen anybody takes more vitamins that fucking kid would have trays of vitamins and he'd bring to work and take one of these one of these one of these he would just counteract i mean that's to make up for all the partying well it's sort of analogous to his life he's just you know he has moments of sobriety where he completely understands you know that this is this is this is who he is you know He was trying to be a nice guy, and then he has off -the -rails, you know, craziness, and then he brings it back.

[292] It's like...

[293] Those huge smoothies he had, like, 2 -liter of smoothie.

[294] Well, he always did that.

[295] He always ate, like, super healthy, and he always, like...

[296] And then he would just go fucking crazy.

[297] But that's just Andy.

[298] But again, I don't think you make a person like Andy unless they're kind of off the rails.

[299] You don't get that.

[300] He's a nut, that guy.

[301] You don't get that fun.

[302] And that's, like, that's...

[303] You know, you'll back me up on this, Joe.

[304] There's probably no funnier actor than him.

[305] It's hilarious.

[306] Like, so good at, like, he did it a lot of news radio.

[307] Like, a lot of quick turns and beats in one scene that he plays beautifully.

[308] Like, he's almost like a silent film comedian, physicality -wise.

[309] Like, he can, it doesn't seem like there isn't anything he could do in that area.

[310] No, as a comic actor, I think he's probably one of the funniest guys ever.

[311] I mean, that whole show was full of them.

[312] Like, as a comic actor on a sitcom, he's fucking brilliant.

[313] Yeah, and that's why he got away with so much for as long as he did, because everybody loved him as a person and as a funny character.

[314] We used to do scenes together, and I couldn't get through the scene.

[315] I had to stop because I was cracking up.

[316] Like, I'm not supposed to be doing anything.

[317] I'm supposed to be, like, stone -faced.

[318] Yeah.

[319] And he's doing his thing.

[320] You're always mad at him.

[321] And I'm fucking crying.

[322] I have to, like, walk away.

[323] We did one scene where, like, I couldn't stop laughing.

[324] It was so good.

[325] We were all standing.

[326] And, you know, everybody's giving me shit about it.

[327] I was so apologetic.

[328] I was like, I don't mean to be fucking this up.

[329] But he was killing me. He was so, he was asking, he was talking about all these different things that he ate and asking if he was going to die.

[330] It was just one ridiculous thing after another.

[331] In context, like you'd have to see it, like in context.

[332] I'm not doing a good job of explaining why it was so funny.

[333] But I was stone cold sober at the time, too, by the way.

[334] I didn't even smoke pot.

[335] So when he's making me. cry.

[336] I'm sober crying laughing.

[337] I could imagine if I used to smoke weed back then and I was hanging out with him.

[338] Well, as soon as you said, you could stop laughing.

[339] I was going to say, oh, so how often were you high on that show?

[340] I wasn't even.

[341] I wasn't even.

[342] I don't think I got high.

[343] Maybe, like, maybe once or at the most twice.

[344] I don't think I did twice.

[345] Through the entire time we were filming that show.

[346] And if I did, it was always drinking.

[347] Like I was drunk at a party, you know, and someone says, hey, do you want to try?

[348] I hit this joint.

[349] I'm like, all right, come on, hanging out with some comics.

[350] Party, what party am I going to?

[351] Party behind the comedy store.

[352] You know, that's, it's like, I'd think that, you know, comedians are weird when it comes to consciousness, you know, comedians are weird when it comes to our, uh, our, uh, want to change our consciousness.

[353] Because so many of us, like, have, radical consciousness altering, uh, things that we, we, we, Like, so many comics are hooked on, like, either, like, some form of drug, either speed or there's a lot of comics that get hooked on Coke.

[354] It's classic stories of Boston where all these guys doing blow together.

[355] Like, I've got to get Lenny Clark on.

[356] In my whole career, I've never seen another comedian do a line of Coke.

[357] Whoa.

[358] Isn't that crazy?

[359] Really?

[360] Yeah, it's just who I run with, you know?

[361] That's amazing.

[362] Well, you know, I appreciate that about you, too, that you're really, like, you've talked about Coke, like, really poorly.

[363] before, you know, that you'll say, like, why would you fuck with that stuff?

[364] I've never even, I've never tried it.

[365] Yeah, I haven't either.

[366] Oh, you guys are missing out.

[367] I bet.

[368] You should try it once.

[369] I bet we are.

[370] I bet we, no, I believe that you should try it once, but I believe that about so many things that I'm not going to get around to that, but those, most of those wouldn't lead to, because if I did love it, I'm afraid I would, you know, want to do it again.

[371] I'm sure heroin feel, you know, shooting heroin probably feels great.

[372] Yeah.

[373] But, you know, why.

[374] Why take that risk?

[375] Do you have an addictive personality?

[376] No, Joe, I don't.

[377] I mean, Brian.

[378] As he hits the pipe.

[379] Look, I don't think you should fuck with anything that gets, that really gets in your system like that.

[380] That's my feeling.

[381] I don't trust my system enough.

[382] I'm not a very, I don't get addicted to substances, but I've had like serious video games, addictions and the other addictions in my life for sure.

[383] So when I see something that's like physically addictive to, not just man. mentally, not like gambling, but like physically addictive.

[384] It gets in your system.

[385] Yeah, I see what it does.

[386] People seem to be having a certain amount of fun on Coke, but nobody's like from the second they do it to the second the feeling goes away is just super happy about it the whole time.

[387] No, it's a horrible come down.

[388] See, that's why I don't understand why anyone would be addicted to it because when you're coming down from it, and especially the next morning where you're like, I spend this much money for that.

[389] I feel like shit.

[390] I got a bloody nose.

[391] it's like it's it's it's to me I don't understand why you would ever do it again I've done it before here and there not too much I used to do it more but but why are you recommend an evening that one time if it's going to end so poorly I think too many people are scared that they're going to be like oh my god I'm addicted I love it you know and it's not like I'm not as much scared of that as I just it does not as I just not feel like that's going to be right I'm not as much scared of that is I just not like I don't feel like that's going to be right in my zone of comfort.

[392] Brian, you've been sick for like five days now, four, four or five days?

[393] Yeah.

[394] Do you smoke while you're sick?

[395] No. Not at all.

[396] No. Well, that's a good thing.

[397] Like maybe you can quit now.

[398] Like maybe doing this, you could transition over to gum or some shit.

[399] I mean, I guarantee you that's going to make a big difference.

[400] Even it's e -cigarettes.

[401] I guarantee you that's going to make a big difference that if you could do that.

[402] That reminds me. I brought a really tasty weed cigarette that I got that somebody gave me yesterday, but it's unbelievable how good it takes.

[403] I'm sure it doesn't get you very high, but yeah, it's got like a, it almost tastes like you're, you know, eating a scented candle or something.

[404] This is a trick.

[405] He's had that up his ass all day, pulled it out right before the show.

[406] I'm going to get Joe and Brian to put that in their mouth.

[407] Yeah, there's, obviously, Doug is not smoking from it first, so something is up.

[408] And even if you were, okay, all right, I'll show you guys.

[409] Yeah.

[410] You do the side thing where you're just like, ah.

[411] so it's tasty it's super tasty did you see that thing Brian can you try one hit of that it's just vapor I might be sick yeah he's sick oh yeah you don't want to pass it back to me my back is soaking wet I don't I don't worry about that sort of thing enough I know Joe is really you're always conscious of it like diseases well if you're in a smoking circle and somebody's like looks like they're sick you probably wouldn't hit that no no you don't want to get that in your body.

[412] That's like a strong virus, a strong a bug.

[413] It's living inside a person.

[414] It's getting a quicker than a handshake probably.

[415] Way quicker.

[416] It's going to go right in.

[417] It's going to go right in.

[418] Handshake.

[419] He's got to, you know, got a Google Maps and figure out where to no, you don't get it from your hands.

[420] It's bringing your hands to your face after you've touched other people's hands.

[421] Exactly.

[422] Exactly.

[423] So if you want to avoid getting sick, one of the big ones is make a concerted effort to not touch your face.

[424] And wash your hands.

[425] Yeah, I do that.

[426] Those are two big ones.

[427] Yeah, I really try it like especially you know i play a lot of poker so i'm playing poker with other people you're touching all the cards all the time yeah everybody at the table's touching and nobody's gonna not play poker just because they have a cold or something so like i just train myself to like i just sit there and play and i never touch my face that's smart at all that's smart and then wash my hands as often as possible during it you know another good thing man is this kind of shit probiotics this is uh kombucha this is the real kombucha i was super into that for a while I mean, I got to the part where I like the taste of it, you know, because, you know, some people, they just can't get past.

[428] I love it.

[429] Yeah, but it's my favorite thing to drink.

[430] The very first time you drank when you loved it?

[431] Love it.

[432] Interesting.

[433] It's delicious.

[434] Because people usually make that face.

[435] They make the icky face.

[436] Well, I don't drink, I don't drink sweet drinks.

[437] Like, I don't drink soda.

[438] Very rarely, I'll have a Diet Coke.

[439] I'll treat myself.

[440] If I'm out to dinner, I'm like, do I have a water or Diet Coke?

[441] I'm going to get crazy and have a Diet Coke.

[442] But for the most part, I don't drink sweet beverages, unless it's a juice.

[443] Do you have more of those in the fridge?

[444] Oh, yeah.

[445] You hear what I mean?

[446] No, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry.

[447] That's all right.

[448] I brought it from my house.

[449] That's what I'm saying is I try one right now, because what flavor is that?

[450] This is gingerade.

[451] I like, though.

[452] Actually, the plane is my favorite.

[453] You would like this, brother.

[454] Cocoa Cafe.

[455] Are you sure?

[456] Thirsty for something delicious?

[457] This is delicious.

[458] Can I try one of those right now?

[459] Yeah, yeah, we have those.

[460] Let me try that.

[461] Cocoa Cafe is espresso and coconut minner.

[462] Minner?

[463] Miner.

[464] Coconut water.

[465] I was going to say milk or water.

[466] I was trying to figure out which one to go.

[467] I went with the middle.

[468] It tastes like chocolate milk.

[469] It tastes like you -hoo.

[470] Oh, I love you.

[471] There you go, baby.

[472] Right there.

[473] But it's much healthier than you -hoo?

[474] Oh, yeah.

[475] It's espresso and coconut water.

[476] That's all it is.

[477] Wow.

[478] The way to get the sweetest, most delicious coconut water, you have to get companies that pull it out raw.

[479] And when you get that, my God, is it good.

[480] Raw coconut water is fucking sensational.

[481] But you don't really, it doesn't last that long.

[482] so they pasteurize it and homogenize it so that they could stay on the shelf longer.

[483] And what about this packaging way?

[484] Is this a specific reason they put it in this instead of like a can or something?

[485] It's a good question.

[486] I don't know.

[487] And you shake it up or anything?

[488] Yeah, I shake it a little bit because it's got two things in it, the coffee and the, is it better for the environment, those cardboard things?

[489] I think so.

[490] It's a big plastic thing in the time.

[491] Yeah, I don't know.

[492] It doesn't seem reusable.

[493] Speaking of shelf life, Do you throw things away in your refrigerator, like when it's expired, or do you usually go a little over?

[494] You can go over with dairy and meat, but you shouldn't go over much with meat.

[495] It should smell it.

[496] If it smells gross to you, that's because it is gross.

[497] You know, you shouldn't put gross.

[498] This is the greatest thing I've ever had.

[499] Cocoa Cafe, it's delicious.

[500] It's great, right?

[501] Yeah, it's super delicious.

[502] Do you have them as a sponsor yet?

[503] No. No, they just send us from free shit.

[504] Oh, that's good.

[505] That's good.

[506] Those caps, man, there's this fucking island somewhere.

[507] where like 2 ,000 miles away from civilization and all these birds are dying on this island because they're picking up shiny caps and plastic and shit that they find floating in the ocean and they bring it back to their babies and they feed it to their babies.

[508] So you find these like skeletons and their stomachs are full of these bird like, I mean these pieces of plastic that it was in the bird's belly.

[509] Stretch them out.

[510] It's disgusting like bottle caps and all the shiny shit and plastic things.

[511] Remember the plastic rings, you used to always have to tear them apart so that, you know, if you cared about, you know, anything out in the ocean.

[512] Yeah.

[513] But you don't have those to do that with anymore, but there's still plenty of crap that is just going to get out there and get eaten.

[514] You know what I love?

[515] I love when you talk about something online, like especially do something like a podcast like this, if you bring up a subject, especially a subject that's like really serious, there's always going to be someone comes along and goes, it's not that big a deal.

[516] It's actually this.

[517] You know, no matter how fucked up it is.

[518] Like, there was a thing on the Pacific Garbage Patch, and we were calling an island of garbage, and they were like, well, it's actually not an island.

[519] It's actually just a bunch of stuff floating around together.

[520] It's more like an archipelago.

[521] Yeah, I know it's not an island, silly goose.

[522] That's not what's important here.

[523] What's important here is there's a fucking...

[524] A bunch of garbage.

[525] Texas -sized hunk of garbage all swung together and little particles that are floating around it.

[526] Like, it's really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really.

[527] fucking bad because we've only been putting that shit in the ocean for 200 years so how long do we have left how much ocean do we have left until the ocean is all like the fucking the river right next to the Harlem you know what is that the east river yeah which one is that i think the hudson the hudson how is that mean the hudson is just we just we just everyone knows the hudson is polluted that's just it it's just polluted it's just we accept it it's right next to new york city there's millions of people in new york city there's just no way It's just there to land planes in, basically.

[528] It's crazy how we just accept that.

[529] That's still part of the fucking ocean.

[530] It's a part of the fucking ecosystem.

[531] It's right there.

[532] And we just go, get out of there.

[533] That fucking river is a mess.

[534] We just totally accept the fact that we've completely ruined a giant river.

[535] Like, that's how fucked up people are.

[536] We just say, but we're here.

[537] We're here.

[538] So that's fucked now.

[539] There's a giant river.

[540] How's that affecting my day -to -day life, Joe?

[541] But, you know, I'm out here in California.

[542] If it was clean, if you were in New York and it was clean, it would be a masterpiece.

[543] A beautiful, clean river right next to New York City would be fucking incredible.

[544] If it was totally removed of diseased fucking bodies that they throw out there and all the fucking oil spills and leaks and barges, it would be amazing.

[545] It would be amazing.

[546] It would be fucking an incredible place.

[547] Like a beautiful, like the coast of Mexico.

[548] like you go down to like cancun and the water's blue it's like so fantastic imagine if that was like all the way up to they put they put drops in that water though or if it was just at least that quality i just stopped i stopped using uh eye drops because i finally i just finally said what who am i trying to hide it from that my eyes are red like just just fucking wear sunglasses robin thick style they're probably disappointed when they see you clear -eyed.

[549] That's what I mean.

[550] Like, you know, it's so funny.

[551] I can't do anything without people.

[552] Like, we were talking about you being whether you were high on news radio.

[553] I did, like, this little couple -line part on friends, and every time it gets rerun, people write to me, you were so high doing that?

[554] And I was like, no, that was me, but I wasn't so high.

[555] I was at a movie studio lot, you know, in a scene with Jennifer Aniston.

[556] So it wasn't like I was running around the corner and hitting bowls every chance I got at the taping, you know?

[557] but people just assume they're just like yeah you're so fucked up all the time yeah well that's your thing though right i guess you do 420 shows man you do i do i do encourage it i'm not gonna lie about that and my if you heard about my new web series no what is it it's called getting dug with hi oh yeah i did hear about this and uh yeah maybe your people might have spoken to you because because you know uh there's people it's i have all these shows that i book myself and this is finally one where the where the folks that are producing the show are going to book the uh the you know the guests and so i could still follow up and say hey please do my show to friends of mine right but basically i'm trying to take the booking out of my hands it's you know one less thing i have to do but so you that's why you probably get a call from someone other than me because normally if i wanted you to do one of my podcasts i'd call you up and say do douglas movies and you'd say okay thanks joe but um i've done your podcast a couple of times you did it yeah but you didn't you didn't love it though you didn't love doing it well i really love talking to you.

[558] I really love hanging out with you.

[559] Yeah.

[560] So we do this.

[561] Yeah.

[562] So we meet on your turf.

[563] I would be happy to do your show, but I just, I can't contribute that much.

[564] I don't know that much.

[565] Well, that's the thing about getting Doug with high is it's just we start at 415 Pacific Standard Time.

[566] It live streams.

[567] I mean, it's basically what you do, but it tighter and treating it more like a TV show, like it's got like a talk show set.

[568] Right.

[569] Right.

[570] And, you know, like we don't have the cans on.

[571] But when we sit there, me and the guest, start smoking at 420, and smoke all the way to 5 o 'clock.

[572] And then the last thing that happens is when we're really, really high, I force my guest to watch a magic trick.

[573] Whoa.

[574] Or a magician runs in and does a trick for them.

[575] Because nothing like watching a stone or watch a magic trick.

[576] A really good magician?

[577] Yeah, he's great.

[578] You know, he's just a kid I know that does magic, but he's really good at it.

[579] I've never been a fan of magic.

[580] Me neither.

[581] But I don't like being tricked.

[582] I think it's probably because I'm a control freak.

[583] Yeah.

[584] That's why you hate that one show punked also.

[585] You hated that show.

[586] Well, that show is dangerous Because they let people Like there was one where The guy from Travis Blink 185, that guy?

[587] Like 187 was what is it?

[588] 182?

[589] Is that it?

[590] 182?

[591] Sorry.

[592] Listen, you take the 102 to the 10 -O -S.

[593] Badass motherfucker, amazing drummer, I just forget the band's name.

[594] But there was some guy who got in his face and He was like ready to go.

[595] Like he could have easily punched this guy.

[596] This guy was acting like a total douchebag for the show, you know, trying to goad him into, like, a fight.

[597] But I'm like, God, this is so close.

[598] Like, this, you know, Travis is not a bitch.

[599] You know, you get in his face and start talking shit to him.

[600] He's ready to fucking kick your ass.

[601] He's just a regular dude with tattoos up to his chin, all right?

[602] He'll fuck you up, you know, he was ready.

[603] And so I was like, this is a bad situation.

[604] Like, they let it get to this.

[605] Well, like, he got up and he was going to kick that guy's ass and they're going to go outside.

[606] And then, you know, he's like, oh, you're punk.

[607] It's like, okay, you're lucky.

[608] No one stabbed you.

[609] I forgot who it was, but Steve Rand's.

[610] Razzineasy.

[611] Rattanizzi.

[612] Ranezzi.

[613] Ranezizi.

[614] He, uh, it didn't ever air it on punk because the, uh, the athlete was so, uh, you know, wanted to protect his, uh, reputation by I forget who it was now.

[615] But he said, uh, like a, you know, a professional athlete that he went at pretty hard, like almost took a swing at him.

[616] Dude, I would not do that to a professional athlete.

[617] God damn it.

[618] That's some scary shit.

[619] That's so stupid.

[620] Yeah.

[621] Because you wake up unconscious and he's like, Dude, I'm sorry.

[622] I did not know you were filming a TV show.

[623] And it just fucks you up.

[624] That easily could happen.

[625] Did you ever see the time that, I think it was, was it Hulk Hogan dropped Richard Belser on his head?

[626] He choked him unconscious.

[627] Yeah, choked him and then dropped him and then he hit his head.

[628] Yeah, yeah.

[629] God damn.

[630] That shit is scary to watch.

[631] Dude, Hulk Hogan's a giant.

[632] He's a fucking giant, man. He's a monster.

[633] I've met him.

[634] Obviously, I interviewed him for one of the UFC shows.

[635] It was when he was doing TNA wrestling on Spike.

[636] Holy shit.

[637] See if you find that.

[638] I sat behind him during that fight.

[639] He just combed his hair with his little brush the whole time.

[640] Did he really?

[641] What a fancy.

[642] Pull that up.

[643] I interviewed Hulk Hogan.

[644] He's a giant human being, man. If that guy choked, and this was way back in the day, he's had a gang of back surgeries and all sorts of other stuff go wrong with him because of all the hard days of wrestling.

[645] I'm sure he's probably lost height because they had.

[646] that to, uh, look how fucking big that dude is.

[647] He's fucking huge.

[648] I mean, I'm short, but God damn that guy's big as fuck.

[649] He's a giant.

[650] Thank you, my brother.

[651] You know to be here with Joe Mania.

[652] Joe Mania.

[653] It doesn't get any better than this, brother.

[654] These guys are going to war out here.

[655] It's unbelievable.

[656] Now, you've been to some MMA fights before.

[657] This is one of the highlights in my life, by the way.

[658] I'm on a huge camera, brother.

[659] I sure am.

[660] Now, I understand that you have recently announced a partnership with TNA wrestling and its president.

[661] Dixie Carter How bad I am at reading shit off of it.

[662] I've never seen you with a card out there at the fights.

[663] They make me do that.

[664] You know, let's give you something.

[665] Hey, you're going to interview.

[666] Mostly Goldberg does these kind of things.

[667] I don't know why I wound up doing this one.

[668] Maybe if I figured if I kept doing them.

[669] He must have asked for you.

[670] So badly, they'll eventually.

[671] I'm fine talking to those guys, but, you know, talking to him in a form like that, we have to promote something very specific.

[672] Yeah.

[673] It's hard to remember.

[674] Yeah, you got to have the cards.

[675] I've got my cards on my new talk show because everybody that comes on, You know, they're agreeing to smoke weed on camera.

[676] Right.

[677] So the least I can do is give them accurate plugs.

[678] Yeah, the trouble.

[679] Like the Hulk Hogan thing was like TNA wrestling.

[680] I really don't pay attention to wrestling.

[681] So if you want me to read something about wrestling, you got to tell me what the fuck of is.

[682] That's why you'd probably look down just to catch TNA.

[683] You're probably like it's some sort of wrestling with initials.

[684] But if it was like an MMA bout, I wouldn't need any notes at all.

[685] You would never see them with notes.

[686] If Hulk Hogan came on, he was talking about fighting Brock Lezder in a real cage fight, there would be no note.

[687] Yeah, you'd just go out there and do it.

[688] That would be pretty simple.

[689] That guy's a giant dude, though.

[690] If he choked your head and then let you go like that, that's dangerous.

[691] So, like, I enjoyed that punk show, but I was like, yikes.

[692] Like, this is...

[693] I don't even enjoy watching it, because it makes me too...

[694] Like, even though there's always the reveal of the person finding out they got punked, and go, ah, it's still, like, they reach a level of ugliness that, like, you know, I would hate to reach while being filmed, you know?

[695] And have a couple times, but...

[696] I know too many violent people.

[697] Yeah, I know too many people.

[698] that would fuck you up if you did something like that and then wouldn't even think that there was anything wrong with fucking you up because thought you were probably gonna fuck them up yeah why why wait for that to happen why wait to get fucked up yeah like timber like did you see that yeah yeah he's like sitting on the curb crying at one point isn't he we shouldn't show any these we don't own them anyway but yeah and we're not talking nice about it they got away with it but look I should talk because we got away with a ton of shit on Fear Factor we should have never done that what they did is nothing compared to what we did on Fear Factor.

[699] So I really should shut the fuck up.

[700] Like, we had people ride bulls.

[701] That was the...

[702] You didn't, like, show...

[703] You didn't, like, you know, show up at their place of work and convince them to ride a bowl.

[704] Doesn't matter.

[705] And then admit that you're just a TV show.

[706] Justin Timblin was stoned while being punked by Ashton Coucher.

[707] That's hilarious.

[708] Oh, that was his excuse for crying about losing all of his stuff.

[709] He said he gave up marijuana after that episode of punked.

[710] Oh, well, then, you know what?

[711] That's bullshit.

[712] That is...

[713] He's the punk.

[714] We could use, you know, we could use a guy like Justin Timberlake on our side.

[715] Trust me, dude, it ain't bad.

[716] You were freaked out because they were punking you, man. It was an act of aggression.

[717] Plus, you're super duper, duper, duper famous.

[718] I think he still smokes.

[719] I think that was just a, you know.

[720] I mean, Snoop Dogg has had a press release saying he stopped smoking.

[721] That was a while ago.

[722] But it's still, like anybody who says that, it's like, well, for now.

[723] for a reason they're quitting for a reason but they'll be back uh posane i ran into posean at disneyland oh yeah how was he he's back on the weed well i saw him at a comedy festival so of course hanging out with the other comics i was happy out on the road he's gonna do something but i respect the fact that he realized that he needed to get his shit together you know and so that was like sort of his thing like once he got a shit back in line he just felt like he was using it a little bit too much yeah and it's like you know he's high around his kid all the time that's got you got you got you want to be present for your children yeah and you also want to make sure that you know you're not out of control you know you know that feeling of whether whatever it is if it's fucking coffee if you're down in coffee all day every day and you just get up in the morning and you just zombie towards that coffee slow down yeah stop take a couple of days off i don't ever judge anyone for for not smoking or never smoking like that's part of the thing to me like it's always amazing to me like i'll get messages from people I'm like, I could smoke you under the table.

[724] I'm like, so?

[725] Like, that's what smoking weed is about.

[726] That's a new meme.

[727] Being the best at it, being aggressive about it.

[728] Like, no, it's about having fun and, you know, and joining yourself.

[729] For dickhead dudes, though, everything's about that.

[730] Well, sure.

[731] Some people are just so tightly wound that even weed's not going to, you know, relax them that much.

[732] But I think it helps everybody that, you know, most people that use it.

[733] It can be overused like anything.

[734] Yeah, it certainly can.

[735] But you're right about most people, a lot of people around.

[736] of being tightly wound.

[737] Yeah, I mean, that's part of why I like it is because I'm kind of a nervous, anxious person by nature and, you know, smoking all the time just helps me to just relax and not worry about shit so much.

[738] Yeah.

[739] And I still worry about it.

[740] It's not like I'm checking out completely, you know what I mean?

[741] It's more like you're just opening your mind to, you know, lots of stuff and hopefully, you know, enough good stuff that, you know, that you can not worry the other stuff.

[742] When you have kids, though.

[743] Jesus Christ.

[744] I've got so many ideas right now.

[745] They're flowing like a river.

[746] None of them are...

[747] You're trying to catch salmon.

[748] Yeah, I'm just saying that it not only relaxes me, but it also helps me to, you know, write and think of things and, you know...

[749] Oh, most definitely.

[750] It's not all just one thing that it does.

[751] No, I think it's very beneficial.

[752] But I think that people develop patterns, and sometimes those patterns get out of control.

[753] It's really easy for a person, especially of...

[754] comedic tendencies, someone who's got that kind of impulsive nature to them anyway, they can just get out of control with something.

[755] So sometimes it's good to just write the ship, you know?

[756] Yeah.

[757] So sometimes it's good when a guy does that.

[758] Absolutely.

[759] Yeah, he was smoking all day, every day.

[760] Like, I, there's some days where I'll wake up and I'll sit around for a while and I, you know, won't smoke because I...

[761] 10, 20 minutes.

[762] It's not like, oh, I just woke up, I have to do this.

[763] You know, it's what I have to do to get through the day.

[764] It's not...

[765] I never have that feeling about it, you know?

[766] It's more like, I'll do it when I do you see the thing about the tsa tsa is going to let people bring weed on planes what how much and where from anywhere to anywhere because a lot of states is still illegal to where when one the idea being that there it's going to be a don't ask don't tell sort of situation and uh if you're bringing weed say if you have a license in massachusetts and you also have a license in los angeles you find from los angeles where you have a license to massachusetts where you have a license you're good to go i think you can only get a license in the state you live in though is that true I think so.

[767] Well, you need to buy real estate in other places, bro.

[768] You need to be a multi -baller if you want to fly with weed.

[769] Do you still have property in Colorado?

[770] Is that why?

[771] Imagine if you did that.

[772] You had a fucking house that you kept everywhere in every state just so you could fly with your weed.

[773] That would be the ultimate baller.

[774] I'm legal in every state and I got to...

[775] You could still do it anyway.

[776] Yeah.

[777] I mean, I don't recommend flying with a lot of it, but the TSA is not, their job is not to find it's not to, you know, arrest people for minor drug crimes.

[778] like they're looking for shit that's going to cause everybody to die to die yeah but they have busted people before i mean it happens warwick got caught with a bunch of joints in her um it was like a lipstick case how long ago was that i think it's been a while because like because like you don't hear of celebrity pot busts that much anymore and um you know if they were still going on you would hear even more about them because there's TMZ and everything that's just looking for those stories right yeah no i definitely think that they're looking for happens more than looking for anything, but...

[779] I go to the airport a lot.

[780] I've never seen anybody pulled aside, you know, for anything, but, like, you know...

[781] Well, what they do is they call the cops.

[782] Yeah.

[783] You know what I mean?

[784] You never see actual cops cruising around in the airport that much other than, you know, driving around outside.

[785] Like, they don't let, you know, they don't like cars to stop and, you know, when they're picking people up, the cops keep it moving.

[786] Well, it depends on where you are.

[787] You know, if you're in Texas, you very well could see that.

[788] Sure.

[789] Not only that, you could see someone going to jail for weed, for real.

[790] No doubt about it.

[791] If they pull you over for a stop violation and they find weed on you, there's a lot of cops that will put you in jail in Texas.

[792] Absolutely.

[793] That's legit.

[794] California, the laws are so lenient right now that we have medical marijuana and then we also have decriminalization.

[795] That's Arnold Schwarzenegger passed that when he got out of office.

[796] Yeah, real quietly.

[797] Nice and silently.

[798] It was the best thing that he ever did.

[799] And what it means is that you can't go to jail for it, which is, you know, makes sense.

[800] It's fucking ridiculous.

[801] We're still in this weird sort of a wrestling match with reality when it comes to that drug.

[802] It's just an easy way to round up people that aren't white is what these minor drug offenses are.

[803] The prisons are full of people that are Hispanic and black, and they had three strikes that are all just like, you know, three pot things in a row or something, and now they're in jail.

[804] Yeah, the whole private prison industry is a, What are you doing, Brian?

[805] That's Doug Benson, an Oculus Riftier.

[806] This has absolutely nothing to do with what we're talking about, but it is funny.

[807] Brian made a vine of me wearing the Oculus.

[808] There's nothing to do what we're talking about.

[809] Crazy glasses, yeah, but it was funny when it happened because I didn't know he was filming me. There was an article on Boing Boing the other day about prison profiteers extracting billions by exploiting prisoners and their families.

[810] It's really fucking scary shit.

[811] I don't know.

[812] I don't know how much the prison system influences the way laws are formed, but the idea that they could possibly do that at all is really creepy.

[813] The idea that you're benefiting from people being in your jails, profiting from people being in your jails, and spending money to try to promote laws that would keep people from getting away with certain crimes so that you can profit off of them.

[814] Yeah.

[815] Like you're trying to make things illegal.

[816] Well, we all know while they're there, whatever criminal acts that they don't know how to do or haven't done, they learn all about it while they're in prison.

[817] This is very scary.

[818] And then they go back out and that's all they know.

[819] What else are they going to do?

[820] Yeah.

[821] It's really fucking strange.

[822] And there's also, they're talking about the issue with people getting sick in prison.

[823] They're talking about the cruelty of the prison medical contractors who rationed vital treatments to prisoners, leaving them in agony and worse.

[824] For example, correctional medical services discourages treatment for hepatitis, leaving prisoners with hep C to slide into permanent, profound disability.

[825] Ugh.

[826] Wow.

[827] That's insane.

[828] That's super messed up.

[829] That's insane.

[830] Like, they put you in a cage, and then they don't provide you with medical attention if you're dying of a curable disease, or at least a treatable disease.

[831] That's fucking scary.

[832] That means they're not responsible for keeping you a healthier alive.

[833] Like, they can just treat you as a...

[834] subhuman and put you in a cage I mean I guess maybe it would depend on what kind of a person you are if you're some guy who went into a school and you just start shooting kids yeah I don't really think you should get any fucking medicine but that's a very rare small segment of our population that really should be snuffed out like there's no sense in keeping those people alive like that kind of situation someone is a fucking mass shooter he's either going to go out and do that sort of thing again someday if ever or they're just going to sit in jail for the rest of, like it's just a waste of everybody's time and money for this horrible, horrible person can...

[835] Yeah, I mean, so anybody else that's, you're not treating?

[836] Like, what do you're going to let them die and fall apart of something that you've got the medicine right there and you could just give it to them?

[837] Like, how much money you guys make for prisoner?

[838] How much money does this fucking thing make a year?

[839] Like, what's going on here?

[840] You guys are making how much?

[841] You guys are making millions and millions and millions of dollars.

[842] off of prisons, like it's a money -generating machine.

[843] That's fucking terrifying.

[844] That said, if they're like rapists or murderers, it's not going to, you know, I'm not going to feel bad.

[845] We have more people in prison per capita than any other country, and it's by far.

[846] It's not just by a small margin.

[847] Oh, it's a massive amount.

[848] Yeah, it's a massive amount.

[849] But, you know, the argument is that's also why America's so safe.

[850] America, America.

[851] No place is safe.

[852] Well, when you're around other human beings.

[853] Yeah, yeah.

[854] Well, when there's disparity and when there's poverty and when there's people that are ignored and marginalized, that's the, you know, there's an issue in this country where everybody's like, yeah, people should pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

[855] And I agree to do a certain extent.

[856] I agree if your conditions are optimal, if you don't have health issues, if you are not in a terrible, violent neighborhood trapped.

[857] in this horrible school system.

[858] If all those factors aren't, then yeah, you should probably pull yourself by your bootstraps.

[859] Stop fucking crying.

[860] Because you could be one of those kids.

[861] You could be someone whose situation is fucked from the jump.

[862] And there's nothing you can do about it.

[863] Everyone's abusing you.

[864] You've got people hitting you.

[865] There's violence around you.

[866] You don't know what, you don't know how to read.

[867] You're a fuck.

[868] Your whole situation's fucked.

[869] So to tell those people to pull themselves by their boot traps, who's going to teach them how to do that?

[870] Who's going to teach them how to develop character?

[871] who's going to teach them to eliminate bad behavior patterns.

[872] You know how fucking difficult it is to change a person as opposed to develop a person?

[873] It's insanely difficult.

[874] So in that sense, we're really ridiculous that we ignore the impoverished sections of our cities.

[875] It's ridiculous to allow that to ever happen.

[876] That should never be taken place.

[877] And everybody's like, oh, that's an utopian idea.

[878] Exactly.

[879] And it's, by the way, it's not like putting people on fucking Mars.

[880] It's a utopian concept that can be achieved.

[881] Yeah.

[882] It's a utopian concept that using a fraction of the money we use to support these fucking corrupt dictators all throughout the world.

[883] A fraction of that could clean up every fucking city in America easily, easily.

[884] Yeah.

[885] People say that, you know, people think that the idea of food stamps is that those people are all just, you know, living on the dole or whatever and just like kicking back and getting the money.

[886] And it's like a $1 .50 per person in your family per day is not, you're not living the life.

[887] You're struggling to get by.

[888] And you're probably all fat because the food you're eating is all just disgusting, you know, dollar burgers at McDonald's.

[889] And that's the shit you're feeding to your kids because you can't afford it.

[890] It's like, it's the system is set up to keep the poor, to create more poor.

[891] I don't think it's set up that way.

[892] I think it takes advantage of poor people.

[893] Yeah, yeah.

[894] It takes advantage of poor people, and poor people also get stuck in a rut.

[895] I mean, it's true that we don't have a class system in this country.

[896] This is a country where a person can be poor and can be really good at something and then eventually want it being a wealthy person because of that.

[897] This is a very rare situation like that where, like, a rapper can go from being, like, in a impoverished neighborhood to being like a celebrity, like a JZ guy who's like a great A. Music and sports.

[898] Yeah, yeah, music sports.

[899] To some extent, you know, other forms of performing.

[900] But it's hard to, how do you develop that skill if you're poor?

[901] Exactly.

[902] And you have to, you know, work all the time or be starving all the time.

[903] And when you don't have any guide, you don't have role models.

[904] Like, we need to learn from older people.

[905] And like I said before, it's way harder to change someone.

[906] Once they become a certain way, it's way hard to accept that you are fucking up, that your personality has holes in it, that you, you know, you're psychotic, You're abusive, you're manipulative, like whatever it is, it's wrong with you.

[907] You can't be told that things by other people without you become defensive.

[908] Almost everybody does.

[909] Yeah.

[910] Almost everybody does.

[911] They don't want to hear it.

[912] Yeah.

[913] And so changing is super fucking hard to do.

[914] But when someone inspires you and you're around people that are admirable and someone cares about you and they show you the benefits of living a certain way, they instruct you on the benefits of being positive and friendly, you could change entire generations.

[915] just massive change throughout our entire country.

[916] If we just established some community centers where we made sure there was plenty of cops around that everything was safe.

[917] We cut way back on the crime by putting money into these areas and making areas where people can feel safe, where kids can feel safe after school where they're going to meet like counselors and coaches and people that were happy to be working there helping these young kids and teaching them how to play games, get along with each other, teaching a little bit about character and having a place where they know that they don't have to worry.

[918] They're going to get food for sure.

[919] They're going to get someone who cares about them for sure.

[920] They're going to get people that can instruct them in various elusive aspects of life when you're a young man or a young woman and you're growing up in a terrible neighborhood.

[921] We don't take care of that.

[922] And that's one of the reasons why we have to worry about bad neighborhoods.

[923] It's one of the reasons why we have to worry about poverty.

[924] It's because people have just been fucking shit on from the moment they came out of their mother's womb.

[925] They just never got a break.

[926] And that's not fair.

[927] And they see people like you or like I or like, you know, nice white people that live in nice neighborhoods that have never really experienced anything horrible like that.

[928] And they almost feel like you stole something.

[929] They feel like you stole something from them.

[930] Why us?

[931] Why instead of them?

[932] Exactly.

[933] It's all just, it's all cosmic luck of the draw.

[934] But it seems like it's the utopian concept is achievable in that way that you can.

[935] at least have a massive impact on the society if you started taking care of its young a little bit better or helping them taking care of its young, relieving a little bit of the burden.

[936] You know, and the idea that it creates more welfare.

[937] Welfare creates more welfare, and, you know, people, it creates people that can't help themselves.

[938] It doesn't have to be.

[939] It does not have to be.

[940] You, there can be a way to do it where you're trying to help people help themselves.

[941] And it's just set up like that.

[942] The amount of money we spend and remand, building places that we explode is fucking staggering.

[943] When you look at the amount of money like military contractors got for rebuilding Iraq and they just built shit that they didn't even need like water treatment plants like well we got to build one so we're going to put one right here I've got a contract to do this.

[944] There was a lot of complaints about that kind of shit just like they had these they had to spend an X amount of money to justify the amount of money that was coming to them so they're constantly doing shit and making money.

[945] The TSA machines the newest TSA machines are all That's some government contract paid for those and paid off somebody to supply all the airports with them.

[946] You know, the ones that we have to stand with your hands over your head.

[947] Not only that, the guy who sold it to them, one of the machines at least, he used to work for the TSA.

[948] He used to be like the president of the TSA.

[949] And then he leaves, he makes his fucking machine, gets involved, and then sells it to the TSA.

[950] It's like, what the hell?

[951] But the TSA is not like a government organization.

[952] The TSA is like a private organization.

[953] So that's actually a normal thing.

[954] You think of it's government because they're checking your shit and they're going through your underwear and stuff, but it's really not.

[955] It's so they work for the government.

[956] Yeah, yeah.

[957] So that's why, like, if you had some weed on you, they'd have to call a cop.

[958] They can't arrest you.

[959] They can't do shit.

[960] I think they just say, you know.

[961] They bring a cop over.

[962] No, they say throw it out or something.

[963] You hope.

[964] No, I mean, that's the anecdotally, that's what I always hear is that that's the worst thing that happens.

[965] But also, again, these are white friends of mine with a very small amount of weed on them.

[966] Yeah, and it's probably happening in California.

[967] in El Paso.

[968] Yeah, yeah.

[969] And it's like, like you were saying earlier, though, I mean, it's going to, there's definitely, like, I think that Oregon and Washington and maybe Colorado, maybe all of those you can fly from state to state if you have a card in one of them, I think.

[970] Yeah, those are two things that I don't want to hear when I'm getting on a plane with weed, maybe, and I think.

[971] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[972] Possibly.

[973] That sounds like a disaster.

[974] But that's the trouble with hanging out with stoners, though, and talking.

[975] talking about these things is people will tell you emphatically things that aren't, aren't true.

[976] You know, like, they'll just say, no, you got your card, you could definitely fly there, and they don't, that's something they heard from another dude.

[977] Well, tell me if you think this is true.

[978] It's one of those.

[979] Do you think, I've read this online, and I'm very curious, because I think I might be just feeding this problem, that this U .S. shutdown, the shutdown of the U .S. has driving traffic to Sugar Daddy sites.

[980] and these sugar daddy sites a sugar daddy site is where like a girl can go and like people can like bid on taking her on a date I guess like old rich dudes who got some fucking billionaire dudes got some cash and listen I'm just looking at your profile I'll pay your rent like what's up like what's work something out yeah they went up 50 % why I don't know that's my question do you think that that's true or do you think that that's a really smart business move by this company to release a press statement saying that their business went up 50 % because we're talking about them.

[981] We're talking about them now.

[982] Is this a new sponsor that you're not talking about?

[983] No, it's not a sponsor.

[984] I'm just confused.

[985] But what would the direct connection be between the shutdown and that going up?

[986] Because it's like all the shutdown has done is furloughed a lot of people that probably aren't and never will be sugar daddies.

[987] And it's not necessarily making the people that are rich more money because of the shutdown.

[988] Is it?

[989] No, I think the idea is that there's a bunch of people that don't have jobs now.

[990] And so they have nothing better to do than go and bid on dates.

[991] No, no, no, the girls.

[992] The girls, like more girls are going.

[993] There are more girls are checking it out.

[994] Exactly.

[995] I can't imagine that these girls are following the news closely enough to know that the government is shutting down that we might default on the debt.

[996] I don't know.

[997] I don't know.

[998] And that they're that panicked about it, what it's going to do to them directly.

[999] Well, it could be that someone who is already financially in a bad situation and then they see something like the government shut down.

[1000] Like, because, you know, Obama's saying stuff, like, we might go into a worse recession than the one we were just in.

[1001] Exactly.

[1002] If we don't settle this debt ceiling thing.

[1003] So, yeah.

[1004] So that's possible.

[1005] I thought you meant that there's more guys with money with money trying to get these girls.

[1006] But it just seems like a, not a coincidence, but it just seems like, you know, it's probably going to be on a steady rise for a while until the economy gets better.

[1007] What does that mean, though?

[1008] They're saying it's a sudden.

[1009] They're saying it's a sudden spike.

[1010] Yes.

[1011] They're saying it's a 50 % jump since the government shut down.

[1012] I don't know.

[1013] I can't see those two being connected.

[1014] I don't know.

[1015] I joined one of those websites recently, Joe.

[1016] Did you really?

[1017] Seekingarrangement .com.

[1018] And what you do is...

[1019] Wait a minute.

[1020] Is this a fucking sponsor?

[1021] Tell us all about it, yeah.

[1022] And have used the coupon code, no. No, but...

[1023] And it's so weird, man. Like, there's just people that you just tell them, like, how much money you make and do this and that.

[1024] And they just attack you.

[1025] It seems like there would be a smart move.

[1026] If you were just looking to find people to meet...

[1027] That are really interested in your money?

[1028] No, is it only your money?

[1029] Pretty much.

[1030] You don't enter in anything else?

[1031] Like what you do or what your interest are, you don't have to write anything?

[1032] Well, I've have so many messages since I just recently did this as a joke, and I only have one photo, and it's a blurry photo because I didn't want anyone to see my name.

[1033] No. And it's like, that's my photo.

[1034] Look how blurry that is.

[1035] It's pretty blurry.

[1036] I did not on purpose.

[1037] Now people are going to see that and start trolling you, dummy.

[1038] Yeah.

[1039] I wasn't really using this as a job.

[1040] Like, I'm going to even check it.

[1041] I forgot all about it.

[1042] Anyway, my point is, do you think that there's a panic in the air?

[1043] And that's why these Sugar Daddy websites get an upswing of traffic.

[1044] That's the idea.

[1045] Maybe, yeah.

[1046] The idea is.

[1047] Maybe more women are giving up.

[1048] Is that you're going to say?

[1049] Well, giving up on the idea of just, you know, romance.

[1050] I don't want to say, you know, that they're not willing or able to stand on their own, but there seems to be some women in society that are fine with the idea of, meeting a man with some money and not and then just doing whatever you know they're not necessarily well if the guy's nice yeah but they're not necessarily like want but it every woman i meet seems to not be interested in in money these days but that's that just might be just because you're hanging out with a bunch of liars yeah well i mean nobody's ever i don't feel like anybody's ever come on to me because i have a little bit of money well you're a smart guy who's not hanging around with a bunch of assholes but without a doubt there are people that will hang out with you just because they think that somehow they can profit from it.

[1051] You know, you could definitely stumble into the wrong crowd.

[1052] Yeah, yeah.

[1053] You haven't.

[1054] You certainly could.

[1055] There's a weird thing where people worry about what other people will do for money.

[1056] Like if there's some gal who's married to some 60 -year -old guy, and she's 24, and she's driving a Ferrari and you're like, oh, this is bullshit.

[1057] Like, what do you care?

[1058] Yeah.

[1059] Like, why would you care at all?

[1060] Why would you care what she does?

[1061] Why would you care what he does?

[1062] Those two are working it out, and chances are, you know, especially the guy, he's probably also still kind of miserable, you know, because it's not, it's not a real relationship, but it's what he's settling for or what he's enjoying at the time, so why not?

[1063] It is possible.

[1064] It's also possible that they like each other.

[1065] That's possible, too.

[1066] It's not as likely.

[1067] Yeah.

[1068] But it's possible.

[1069] Or they like each other for reasons.

[1070] You know, she's hot and he's got money, you know, so they both get something out of it.

[1071] She's struggled, you know, and he's a materialist and he likes taking care of people, makes them feel good.

[1072] I do like that.

[1073] I do fall into that trap.

[1074] I was very much like taking care of people.

[1075] Do you like that, though, just because you're nice, you know, because it is a nice thing to be able to help someone out.

[1076] When you meet someone, you see that they're struggling, and you help them, it's a nice feeling to be able to do.

[1077] Well, I had an idea when you were talking about earlier, about why not start, like, Joe Rogan fight camps for underprivileged kids?

[1078] It's a good idea.

[1079] You want to organize it?

[1080] I want to be a CEO?

[1081] I'm the president.

[1082] Yeah, I know, right?

[1083] Now the scammers will start.

[1084] coming out.

[1085] That's another thing you have to be really careful out when you get involved with.

[1086] The weird things that people come up to you with like they...

[1087] Well, any charities?

[1088] Like, you want to find out when you get involved in a charity whether or not that's legit because unfortunately there have been illegitit charities.

[1089] I've retweeted things sometimes because I think, you know, it pulls on my heartstrings and I'm like, oh, I'll try to help these people.

[1090] And then I immediately get all these emails back.

[1091] That place is a scam.

[1092] That's a...

[1093] You just gave me a virus, you fuck.

[1094] Yeah, or whatever it is.

[1095] Yeah.

[1096] It's so it's hard to not retweet those things, but Well, do you remember Coney?

[1097] Remember Coney?

[1098] No, that's one of the examples where people are all over my shit just because I tried to help.

[1099] I watched the video and was moved by it and was like, okay, everybody should watch this.

[1100] And then immediately, oh, that guy, you know.

[1101] Yeah, a few weeks later, he's running around naked in the streets.

[1102] Yeah, that was one of my favorite moments in all of civilization because it was so absurd.

[1103] It was so quick, immediate, all -encompassing.

[1104] Everyone was Coney 2012.

[1105] There was bumper stickers and T -shirts.

[1106] I saw them everywhere.

[1107] I saw posters.

[1108] I saw so much about it in the news.

[1109] I saw it on websites all the time.

[1110] And then boom, gone.

[1111] I mean, in a flash.

[1112] It was the flavor of the month, literally.

[1113] It lasted about a month.

[1114] And after it was over, millions of dollars had been exchanged.

[1115] One guy had ran around beating off on the street naked, and you never heard from him or anything to do with it ever again.

[1116] yeah coney's just still doing his thing i guess i don't know what the fuck he was doing in the first place isn't that place like flooded with guys like that i think so i think that's what part of it was is like you know oh sure that's that's a good cause but that's not going to solve the you know the overall problem and that there's many uh you know uh evil people like that yeah um yeah africa is i always say that if you want to find the apocalypse you could find it right now 2013 in Africa Like if you watch that Vice documentary On Liberia have you ever seen that Captain or General Butt Naked Dude used to take off all his clothes And run naked and fucking killing people in war Would eat children's hearts Cut the enemies, children's heart Take their children Cut their heart down and eat it See that's a guy that just needs to find weed And just he's still alive He's responsible for thousands of deaths Including children that he ate Their hearts Still alive and was forgiven because now he's a Christian preacher.

[1117] Oh, okay.

[1118] Yeah, people are trying to, you know, they're trying to...

[1119] He's born again.

[1120] So he's, you know, it's like he's a different person.

[1121] Yeah.

[1122] Came out of his mother's vagina all over again.

[1123] But it's when you watch them interviewing him, man, in Liberia, it's fucking crazy.

[1124] That was our boy Shane.

[1125] It was like one of the best most, like, in -depth pieces I've ever seen on a conversation.

[1126] country in massive turmoil, where this guy, General Butt -Naked, was talking about how he knows what human flesh tastes like, and he found a vendor that was selling meat on the corner, it was human flesh, and he had to tell the police because he knows what flesh tastes like.

[1127] Like, he's eating so many people, he knows what people taste like.

[1128] So when they're serving people, it's like, this is not cow, this is people.

[1129] And then he brings over the cops, and they arrest that guy.

[1130] Meanwhile, he's eating babies, and because he's got a Bible, they're letting him roam the streets.

[1131] That's way crazier than Matt Max.

[1132] that that's way crazier than Thunderdome two men and toe one man leave he ate babies he cut their hearts out and now he talks about an old, he reads from an old book and because of that he's allowed to just roam the streets responsible for thousands of deaths it's a crazy place man that's a crazy place and he was forgiven did you have you heard about that movie The Act of Killing um what is that that's the these old genocidal you know dudes that were involved in genocides are like telling the stories and reenacting uh the way they're in cambodia the way they kill people yeah and it's uh it's supposedly i mean it's everyone says it's a great film but i haven't watched it yet because it just sounds so horrible to see these people who got away with this shit bragging about it you know i can't do that man i can't you know it's supposed to be a great film though oh i'm sure it's great but I there's because they get these guys to they get these guys to reenact like scenes where they killed people like using old movies like you know like scarface yeah dude stuff please shut this off oh is that what it is Brian put it up there I don't want to watch that but it's uh yeah that movies really uh people described as an extremely intense experience oh I'm sure human beings are incredible incredible weird things and we're capable of some really fucking heinous things really heinous acts yeah and it's could that ever change is it possible for what's definitely changing there's way less of it sure I think if you look at the actual numbers of human beings in comparison to what they were just 100 years ago or 200 years ago and then you factor in the amount of death and murder and chaos and it's probably safer now than ever before probably maybe debatable you know because now we can wipe out the larger numbers quicker everybody lives longer for sure for sure So, you know, it's very debatable.

[1133] But there's still no question that there's areas of the world right now where they live in just as chaotic a situation and as has ever existed.

[1134] With the people in Africa?

[1135] Like, it's a perfect example.

[1136] Somalia?

[1137] Those people that were forced to become pirates because all their fishing waters were polluted by European businesses.

[1138] That movie with Tom Hanks looks intense.

[1139] very intense that's the origin of that you know they call themselves the volunteer coast guard of Somalia that's what they call themselves they all started doing that because these fucking guys had no fish anymore these Europeans would dump waste off the shore and just polluted everything killed everything and so these poor fucking people they started kidnapping these boat captains that dumped this stuff off the shore they would find them they would find the oil slick and follow the boat yeah yeah they started getting way way more money doing that than they ever got fishing so they're like fuck fishing and they just became kidnappers and now they're just these gangster crazy fucks that have nothing to lose and they're on this thing called cat which is a it's it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a leave that you chew and it's got like a narcotic effect like a stimulant effect not narcotic like umphetamines and they they chew this shit and it makes them bonkers so the ethos drug they they're literally methed out with submachine guns yeah they're just Trigger happy.

[1140] Trigger happy.

[1141] Nothing to, you know.

[1142] I guess in, like, in some cases they've got, you know, if they kill everybody, then they're cutting into how much money they could potentially make.

[1143] Right.

[1144] Because they hold these things for ransom.

[1145] So they can't kill everybody, but they still probably are so crazy that sometimes, you know, it's hard to keep control of all your men, right?

[1146] Exactly.

[1147] I'm sure there's situations like that.

[1148] This Captain Phillips movie is the same.

[1149] guy who did those first two born movies and the United whatever the flight number was I can't I don't know why I can't ever remember that I guess because it's such an unpleasant idea that the movie was named after a flight that crashed what was it 93?

[1150] Yeah Paul Greengrass did that and so this is going to be the same level of intensity I think.

[1151] Have you seen gravity?

[1152] Doug you sound like a guy who loves movies.

[1153] I do.

[1154] Have you seen gravity?

[1155] No I think you'd like that yeah you'll love it.

[1156] People were giving Neal DeGrosse Tyson shit on Twitter, man. Oh, my God.

[1157] I read all these people.

[1158] Because he said things that are inaccurate or something?

[1159] Yeah.

[1160] And who cares?

[1161] But you know what?

[1162] If you know him, he would have said those things with a big smile on his face.

[1163] Yeah, I don't mind that...

[1164] He also said that he enjoyed it.

[1165] I don't, yeah, I don't mind that he's pointing out the inaccuracies.

[1166] I just say, who cares?

[1167] Because it's like, it's one of those things where the movie just has to get me to a point where I believe what's happening in the movie.

[1168] Yeah.

[1169] You know, that it's telling a good story and it doesn't seem fake or stupid.

[1170] Yeah.

[1171] You know?

[1172] And I'm just a layman, you know?

[1173] Yeah.

[1174] Well, that's what people were giving them a hard time about.

[1175] Like, lawyers can't watch...

[1176] Not having a suspension of disbelief for a movie like this.

[1177] Yeah.

[1178] And people were making fun of them saying, like, you're always the guy who's trying to push science and here's a movie that shows space and that you weren't into it.

[1179] It's really interesting.

[1180] I was reading these people attacking him, but he's right, first of all.

[1181] Everything he's saying is correct.

[1182] And if he was saying it in front of you, he would be smiling and you would love it.

[1183] Like, a lot is lost in text, especially when And he said that it was a good movie.

[1184] Yeah.

[1185] It's a fun movie.

[1186] But, you know, a lawyer goes to any movie that takes place in a courtroom, they're going to tell you every fucking thing that's not accurate.

[1187] And then it's the power of that individual movie to overcome that.

[1188] You know, like, it's just a version of space that's being sold to us for entertainment.

[1189] You know, it's not a documentary.

[1190] He wrote, my tweets after everybody went after him, he wrote, my tweets hardly ever convey opinion, mostly perspectives on the world.

[1191] world, but if you must know, I enjoyed gravity very much.

[1192] So he enjoys gravity every day because he would hate to just float away.

[1193] He's giving you facts.

[1194] I mean, like, mysteries of gravity, nearly all satellites orbit Earth west to east, yet all satellite debris portrayed orbited east to west.

[1195] He's just right.

[1196] I mean, it's all he's saying.

[1197] I mean, and there's nothing, it's not going to ruin my enjoyment of the movie.

[1198] I remember there was a movie a long time ago called Crackett.

[1199] Crackatoa east of Java about a volcano and Crackatoa is west of Java.

[1200] It was just wrong right there in the title.

[1201] Yeah, so little vetting out.

[1202] And there's not much gravity in gravity as it turns out.

[1203] Mysteries of gravity, by Bullock's hair, otherwise convincingly zero in otherwise convincing zero G scenes did not float freely on her head.

[1204] So he's just basically he was talking about the actual scientific inaccuracies in the movie.

[1205] Yeah, she looks good when she's floating around in her little.

[1206] like a sports outfit basically my take is if you're gonna fucking make a movie like this talk to Neil de Gras Tyson first throw home boy a couple grand and give him the script and say hey dog let us know if there's some shit in here that doesn't fly because you're talking about fucking science and he's an astrophysicist I mean he's the guy who's going to know about it but you know no I mean why no one watching it knows the difference when the debris he knows you're just going holy shit look at that debris that's crashing into them right so exciting.

[1207] But couldn't it have just been the right way?

[1208] Couldn't have been west to east or whichever one was the right way?

[1209] I don't know.

[1210] Why not do it that way?

[1211] We've got to talk to Alfonso Curon.

[1212] Maybe it's a alternate universe where it's in our universe, this didn't really happen.

[1213] In the alternate universe, it travels in a different direction.

[1214] And the zero -g has no effect on your hair.

[1215] In the alternate universe.

[1216] Maybe they just got super dope hairspray in the future and just slap that bitch on.

[1217] No matter how much the wind blows, it just looks so natural and sits there perfectly it's like a shield she's a pomade girl i just wasn't really looking at her hair personally what were you looking at her feet she's in this like little outfit she's actually her hair cut makes her look like uh she's wearing like a green shirt and she has a haircut so she kind of looks like peter pan floating around but um interesting but she's still uh i've always like sandra bullock as a person and as a you know i always thought she was attractive but man is she in dumb movies all the time so i'm just excited she's in a good one something that i like and it's only 90 minutes long wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute so you didn't like that cop movie with her and the dude Melissa McCarthy sorry I haven't seen that one it's I meant to because I like bridesmaidsmaids and the director Paul Feig but I uh the dude from mic and molly is actually my friend Billy Gardell you know Billy super nice guy very good dude crazy funny guy yeah he's a sweetheart yeah love that guy so yeah um she's I think she's very funny but um I didn't see that identity thief movie that she was in because it got such bad reviews.

[1218] Oh, yeah, that looked like ass.

[1219] Yeah, but the heat looks okay.

[1220] It looks fun.

[1221] I just haven't seen it yet.

[1222] Well, with a chick like that, like really over -the -top, hilarious.

[1223] Like, it's all about finding the right vehicle.

[1224] You know, there's not that many fucking vehicles.

[1225] No, that's part of the problem is that they're just, you know, they're just going to throw, she's going to make two or three movies a year.

[1226] Yeah.

[1227] And some are going to be better than others.

[1228] There's also, when you start making a movie, you think it's going to be.

[1229] be really good and then halfway in you're like oh this is a wretched piece of shit i'm involved in i mean that's that can happen jason bateman's been in a lot of crappy comedies but there's hardly a funnier comedic actor he just you know he just got to be in the it's impossible to just be in good ones yeah that's why it sucks being an actor man you gotta wait around for someone to give you a good role he drew that's uh baitman just switched over to he directed his uh most recent movie really that's called bad words and i guess people loved it at the toronto film festival well he's a famous guy and a very successful guy he can do stuff like that but to be a regular actor trying to make it like god damn what a grind they're just waiting to get picked up waiting for someone to say you can do it and there's so many and by the way here's the real fucking problem it ain't that hard it ain't that fucking hard you can take athletes and they can act and do a really fucking good job how about that how about how about how about you know people have done acting in a big movie for the first time and kicked ass this happens several times, way more than anyone's ever done that than an actor has ever played in the NBA and kick some fucking ass.

[1230] That shit's never happened once, not in the history of the universe, but athletes have gone over and acted very successfully, and it looks good, you know?

[1231] I mean, even like pro wrestlers, you know, like we're talking about Hulk Hogan.

[1232] Dude, Hulk Hogan can act.

[1233] I mean, he acts over the top most of the time, but if you gave him a role where it was actually acting, I bet he could pull it off quite nicely.

[1234] Dice was great.

[1235] in the new Woody Allen movie?

[1236] Dice is not an athlete.

[1237] I don't know.

[1238] Where are you going with this?

[1239] Because he's just a big guy who's like, you know, I mean, I've always thought he was a good actor, but he obviously hasn't had the greatest acting career.

[1240] And I thought he was really good in the movie.

[1241] I heard he was amazing.

[1242] My point was just that not only, you know, can the individual probably learn pretty easily how to act, but also that performances could be gotten by good directors.

[1243] Yes.

[1244] Can, you know, obviously they have a choice.

[1245] of different takes and different reads and stuff, and they can make somebody that's not that great at it still look pretty good.

[1246] That's certainly possible, especially if someone works hard at it, which is what a lot of athletes have done.

[1247] You know, a lot of athletes work hard, you know, so you...

[1248] Not everybody can give, like, Daniel DeLewis performances like he does in Lincoln and My Left Foot, because what actors are being, are winning roles where they don't look or sound anything like the character they're going to be playing, they're only being cast because of how brilliant they are, and everyone knows that they'll get there that they'll make it work.

[1249] You know, like him and Sean Penn and a couple others.

[1250] You know, lately Al Pacino seems to put on a different crazy wig for every, you know, every movie where he's playing a real -life person.

[1251] Right.

[1252] But they all act like Pacino, you know?

[1253] But it's like great acting is like the really, really great acting, most actors don't get that much opportunity to do that kind of acting.

[1254] Those roles don't exist for us.

[1255] And those roles always go to someone rich.

[1256] No one got to audition to play a Raging Bull.

[1257] You know what I mean?

[1258] De Niro said, I'll get in the wait.

[1259] Let's just do this.

[1260] Those roles are going to go to someone who's like a huge draw.

[1261] Those roles are going to go.

[1262] The first person is going to get it is like a Russell Crow type character.

[1263] Or, you know, reputation is helpful too.

[1264] Like Sam Rockwell works a lot because he's always great, even though he's still not a household name, you know.

[1265] Is he?

[1266] He's not a household name?

[1267] Like B, C, level, household name?

[1268] I guess.

[1269] I don't like B, C, and D very much, but.

[1270] It is gross.

[1271] I apologize.

[1272] But that movie, Moon, that he did was fucking sensational.

[1273] That was really good.

[1274] Yeah, he's really, he's really a really good actor.

[1275] But, you know, sometimes enough of a chameleon that that makes it hard for not only the public to track him, but also, you know, for him to be cast and stuff.

[1276] You know, it's like, oh, who's that guy?

[1277] You know, because he's always so good and so different.

[1278] He was so good in that movie, Moon, because that was a really subtle role.

[1279] And it was a role where the entire movie was basically, I don't want to say, I should stop myself right.

[1280] there.

[1281] I don't want to say what the entire movie was.

[1282] Just go watch it.

[1283] I don't want to give you a spoiler.

[1284] Yeah.

[1285] But he, uh, I can't even say what he does in the movie, but very, very interesting movie, very intense and interesting movie.

[1286] And, uh, it just shows his range, you know, from that to the Iron Man character that he does.

[1287] Brian, go to my Twitter and, uh, there's a thing that I retweeted earlier today from, uh, uh, Dan Carlin, a hardcore history guy.

[1288] He, uh, put up a trailer of Genghis Khan and the Mongols from like the John Wayne era.

[1289] They did a movie.

[1290] Yeah, John Wayne played Genghis Khan.

[1291] It's so bad.

[1292] Oh my God, it's brilliant.

[1293] If you go to my Twitter, it's a third one down.

[1294] You got it.

[1295] Look at this.

[1296] Crank this up.

[1297] So you can hear this.

[1298] Wait till you hear John Wayne as Genghis Khan.

[1299] First of all, Genghis Khan was fucking Chinese.

[1300] All right?

[1301] Yeah.

[1302] Look at this.

[1303] That's the great con. John Wayne.

[1304] Listen to him talk as ging is Khan It looks so fake Captain but unwise my mother Listen to me There are moments for wisdom To Moga then I listen to you There are moments for action Then I listen to my blood I feel this tartar woman is for me He sounds the same like Izzy does in every other movie Look at this I have taken you for wife, Bortai And I take your dowry Tomorrow in Urga I make gift of it to Wang Khan He doesn't believe a word he's saying.

[1305] And wait my strength in siege of Wang Khan city.

[1306] I, chief of all Mongols, and henceforth the ruler over the possessions of Wang Khan, make known to all men present and afar off.

[1307] Those who oppose me shall be destroyed.

[1308] Okay.

[1309] Do not desert me in this fateful hour?

[1310] Let not treachery prevail.

[1311] People were so dumb back then.

[1312] He was that big of a badass.

[1313] also you know but somebody made a new trailer for it is that what this is yeah yeah they didn't have trailers back then did they they did but they weren't like this whoever did this is a bad motherfucker I don't think they said that the day and date on them like that it almost makes me want to go watch this you know what maybe we can get a resurgence from this movie by playing this and then it could be like the rocky horror picture show of of barbaric dramas everybody could go to it and quote the words that John Wayne says as gangas gone Do you think, do you really think that they let him do that voice Because he was that big of a badass They thought if he was to be like, oh y 'all, you know And stuff like that they would Yeah, because he wouldn't do that He wouldn't do that voice But also It's always funny in any movies where it's like You know, English or American actors Playing foreign roles is that You know, why would you have a an accent but speak in English you know so they just go they just say fuck it and they just have him you know not have an accent and speak in English it's like Tom Cruise and Valkry Kevin Costner and Robin Hood Prince of thieves sometimes they're just like he's a big star fuck it he'll just talk in his voice he'll just talk how he talks I'd rather him do that than actually try to fake it you know yeah I just don't I wouldn't see the point you know the only thing maybe should do It was, you know, say it in the actual language and then have subtitles, but that's like, you know, there's only so many actors that could pull that shit off.

[1314] Like, I was watching a dumb movie called, what was it called, French Kiss?

[1315] French, something.

[1316] It was Kevin Klein and Meg Ryan, but Kevin Klein was French in it, and he speaks French a lot in it, you know, and he clearly just knows French, but it was still, I was impressed.

[1317] I watched sneakers last night again.

[1318] I haven't seen that in forever.

[1319] Does that hold up?

[1320] Such a good movie still.

[1321] Yeah?

[1322] Yeah, I highly recommend watching it.

[1323] So it's Robert Redford, Dan Aykroyd.

[1324] There's like a team of five hackers.

[1325] Yeah.

[1326] It's such a good movie.

[1327] I'll tell you who it's all in it right now.

[1328] What do you think of the Fifth Estate movies coming out?

[1329] Speaking of hackers.

[1330] You know, that guy really looks and sounds like Julian Assange.

[1331] But I hear the movie is kind of muddled like they don't do a good job telling the story.

[1332] Robert Redford, Dan, Ackeroid, River Phoenix, that's what was it called again?

[1333] Sneakers.

[1334] Oh, that's right.

[1335] Such a good movie.

[1336] I watched it last time.

[1337] It's about hackers, right?

[1338] Who else?

[1339] Who are the other two?

[1340] I think it's like team of five.

[1341] Sydney Poitier.

[1342] Sydney Poitier.

[1343] Yeah.

[1344] Prodiier, you fucking barbarian.

[1345] Do you not know?

[1346] He was like the first, like, super acceptable black guy.

[1347] Is there a girl in the team or a super nerd?

[1348] He talked like a European, right?

[1349] Yeah, he was pretty fancy.

[1350] Super eloquent.

[1351] Super eloquent.

[1352] Uh, Joe, her?

[1353] Like, if you think back, like, the old days, like, the 60s and the 70s, who's, like, the most elegant black guy?

[1354] They called me Mr. Tibbs.

[1355] Cindy Polio.

[1356] Yeah.

[1357] He was very, uh, always enunciated.

[1358] Yeah.

[1359] And that's how they, you know, they eased, uh, you know, all the white folks, they kind of eased him in with, like, guess who's coming to dinner, you know, like a whole movie about a white family that doesn't like a black dude coming to dinner.

[1360] Exactly.

[1361] Who?

[1362] Mary McDonald.

[1363] Oh, yeah.

[1364] So maybe she didn't go on the mission, though, or whatever.

[1365] Don't they go on like a, don't they have to get in somewhere and there's a van.

[1366] They ride around in a van a little bit.

[1367] Accepting an honorary Oscar.

[1368] Denzel Washington brings up Sidney Portier.

[1369] So that was probably in the last year or two, right?

[1370] Says 2008, the video.

[1371] So five years?

[1372] It says the 74th annual Academy Awards.

[1373] That's insane.

[1374] There's been 74 Academy Awards.

[1375] Isn't it funny how much they love to like pat each other?

[1376] Dude, dude, dude, dude, we just saved a butt.

[1377] What are you doing?

[1378] That sounded like you were trying to interrupts, Joe.

[1379] Doot, do, do, do, do.

[1380] You should save that as a drop, like one of those corny morning zoos.

[1381] Dood, do, do, do, do.

[1382] What the fuck was I saying?

[1383] It's not about how the Academy Awards, who cares about them.

[1384] Why have there been so many?

[1385] It's just amazing how much back patting there is, that they have these gigantic, elegant award shows for essentially entertainment.

[1386] You know, I mean, it's really cool that you do this.

[1387] It's really cool that you provide us with this awesome entertainment.

[1388] Yeah.

[1389] But the amount of fanfare that goes into that, like, Here's a perfect example.

[1390] The guys who were working on the Higgs -Bossin trying to find the God particle, they're getting a Nobel Prize.

[1391] And who fucking knows that?

[1392] I mean, everybody knows when the Academy Awards are out.

[1393] Everybody knows there's a red carpet, the lights are going off.

[1394] The scientists, if these guys who won the Nobel Prize in physics.

[1395] Three of them.

[1396] If these guys were walking down the street, no one would give a flying fuck.

[1397] No one's going to take photos of them They might be more responsible For changing the way we perceive the universe And any scientists who ever existed And they could just walk freely down the street And no one gives a shit But if there's a red carpet And some person who's an awesome pretender Speaking of stars Nothing wrong with them being an awesome pretender But as they walk through I mean it's really weird We're weird as weird They're beautiful people too mostly The winners are often very attractive Not these winners.

[1398] On the Oscars?

[1399] No, the other ones.

[1400] The Nobel Prize.

[1401] No, that's why I'm saying that's why more people look at the Oscars is because it's attractive to look at.

[1402] One of these doctors need that date, like a lohan or something like that.

[1403] It's the symmetry, the face symmetry.

[1404] I guarantee you there's probably some pimp -ass man scientist out there that's looking to get himself a movie star wife.

[1405] That might be like a good move.

[1406] Like a Neil de Gras -Tyson type character, he could nail himself if he wasn't married.

[1407] I don't know if he was.

[1408] But if he wasn't, universe.

[1409] At the very least, he could get like a Padma Lakshmi.

[1410] Who's that?

[1411] The girl that's married to Salman Rushdie.

[1412] I don't know who she is.

[1413] But you know who he is.

[1414] Yes.

[1415] Is she an actor?

[1416] Like he, you know, he had to go into hiding for a while because of the satanic verses.

[1417] And she's just a host of Top Chef.

[1418] Oh, really?

[1419] But she's gorgeous.

[1420] Whoa.

[1421] Yeah.

[1422] That's interesting.

[1423] Yeah, and that's who she's married to because that's your point was that there's, you know, these hot chicks out there that a really, really, really smart dude, with a lot of notoriety for being smart could actually scoop them up.

[1424] Yeah, it makes a girl look like a badass bitch.

[1425] Yeah.

[1426] Some movie stars hanging around some superstar astrophysicist guy who's creating fucking laser beams and shit.

[1427] Did you see the real gun that they developed?

[1428] Uh -uh.

[1429] Holy shit.

[1430] You want to see the next level of warfare weapons?

[1431] There's a fucking thing that they developed that it shoots through this solid wall of steel, punches a hole through, and goes straight in a straight line.

[1432] After that, seven kilometers.

[1433] Wow.

[1434] Yeah.

[1435] Pull this up.

[1436] Rail gun invented.

[1437] Watch this demo.

[1438] This is going to make you shit your pants.

[1439] Is it recent?

[1440] Because there's one from 2007.

[1441] Oh, it's recent.

[1442] Here, let me find it.

[1443] Real gun invented.

[1444] It's incredible.

[1445] I mean, it really is.

[1446] And they show a, they have a footage of its shooting?

[1447] Yeah.

[1448] Through a wall?

[1449] Well, they showed, they started it with bricks.

[1450] They were shooting bricks.

[1451] Like, they just load up a brick and, punch through this fucking thing.

[1452] Well, I'm not going to feel safe in here now.

[1453] And then they decided, General Atomics Railgun Test 2013, Google that.

[1454] They developed this alloy bullet that's this giant metal piece that's aerodynamic, and it breaks off sort of like a stage rocket.

[1455] Like as they shoot it, parts break off, and then there's the aerodynamic end of it, which is like a little spear, like a little, like it's like a giant bullet, is what it looks like.

[1456] and it just punches right through this fucking steel wall.

[1457] Check this shit out.

[1458] It's like the other parts of it pull it so fast that when they jettison it goes.

[1459] That's a brick.

[1460] You know, Mach 5, Mach 6.

[1461] And after they tumble the wall, they're not that impressive.

[1462] So we came with, we basically came with an aerodynamic round, and that's the next round of testing that we did.

[1463] We did that this summer.

[1464] This is a round that was actually developed by Boeing.

[1465] We paid them to support this program.

[1466] What you see here is the armature that's used to generate the force in the round.

[1467] So with that, there's hundreds of thousands of pounds pushing the round down the boar.

[1468] And then once it gets out the boar, then air hits the seboe and causes the subpo to separate.

[1469] And then this was the round that we launched downrange.

[1470] And we launched this particular round at 1 ,600 meters a second, which is about Mach 5.

[1471] And with no gun elevation, meaning zero degrees elevation, this thing went 7 kilometers down range before it stopped.

[1472] And that's after punching through a steel plate about an eighth inch thick, a hundred yards down range.

[1473] Look at how it just keeps going after going through that.

[1474] Steel plate an eight inch thick.

[1475] And it goes through it like it doesn't even exist.

[1476] Didn't even look like it slowed it down.

[1477] And goes seven kilometers past that.

[1478] How nutty are people?

[1479] We're like, we're just not good enough at killing people yet.

[1480] We're missing something.

[1481] Do you think that guy in that video gets laid a lot?

[1482] You think he shows girls that video?

[1483] I think when the camera was at waist above, it's because someone was sucking his dick.

[1484] He demands that.

[1485] He demands that at all times where he sends a rail gun through your fucking house.

[1486] That thing looked, once he pulled all the parts off, it looked like a dick.

[1487] Dude, that thing looked like death.

[1488] It was a death dick.

[1489] It's incredible that we're not satisfied with our ability to blow shit up.

[1490] Like, we're constantly inventing new and terrifying ways to shoot through walls and buildings.

[1491] I want to see a villain get killed by that thing in a Bond movie.

[1492] Did you see the video of the Serbian?

[1493] rebels getting hit with the missile?

[1494] Uh, no. Well, it's not super gory, but it's still got to be brutal.

[1495] Insanely shocking.

[1496] This guy's in a window, and he's looking out the window, and there's his guy's in a truck, and they're driving the truck up the street, and the truck has, like, armament on it, has guns on it, and these guys are standing in the middle of street, and the guy drives the truck off, and I guess when he was driving the truck off, the missile was already coming.

[1497] Because of the people that were standing where the truck were, all of a sudden you see them, like, go, fuck!

[1498] and try to run.

[1499] They get like a couple of steps and this fucking thing hits their ground and this huge ball of fire.

[1500] This insane explosion.

[1501] Everything goes flying by and then you hear like Allah Wakpa, Allah Wakpa.

[1502] You know, that's like what they'll say.

[1503] God is great.

[1504] God is great.

[1505] When this shit goes wrong, they're like, it's like holy fuck.

[1506] That's like, God damn, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ.

[1507] And so you look out the window and it's just fucking huge crater.

[1508] This fucking gigantic missile just slamming.

[1509] down the middle of the street and you get a sense of how fast it would hit you like when you're on the ground you don't know it's common and then these guys just looked up they're like shit and yeah it was too late you want to watch no thanks yeah we're really good at blowing people up i say we it's in you and i joe did you see that picture that somebody sent me and you on twitter of his emotional needs pit bull that he brings on planes oh come on no way yeah look at this the guy brings it emotional needs pit bull on planes that is so crazy yeah that's so crazy he's loving pit bulls that's so crazy wow well you know what it's nice that your dog's nice and you love them today they're making here in los angeles they're making it a law i think uh or they're voting on the law but i think it's going to pass uh that you have to get your pit bull spayed and neutered uh after the age of four months oh yeah that's crazy yeah because i guess there's There's so many pit bulls here that they're just killing like piles of them a day, you know, at the pounds and stuff.

[1510] That's crazy, though, that you could force someone to get their dog spayed.

[1511] Like, what if you're breeding dogs?

[1512] What if you're a responsible dog breeder that breeds dogs?

[1513] Maybe they get a special license or something.

[1514] They probably get special license.

[1515] I think this is probably just for private ownership of a pit bull.

[1516] Yeah, maybe.

[1517] It's interesting because it changes the personality, the dog, you know, male dogs.

[1518] It makes them more sedate and makes them, they get, they're tireder.

[1519] They lose, like, a lot of their energy.

[1520] enthusiasm.

[1521] I noticed a big difference when my dog got fixed.

[1522] It's like older dudes on, you know, that have low tea.

[1523] Exactly.

[1524] I mean, certainly it's probably a calmer dog.

[1525] But my veterinarian that I went to for years before he passed away, never believed in spaying male dogs.

[1526] He didn't believe in having them breed and create puppies that, you know, you don't take care of.

[1527] He's like, you know, you're with your dog all the time.

[1528] If you're responsible dog owner, you know that your dog's not going to breed.

[1529] He's like, that said, unless your dog is a real aggressive problem, you don't need to spay them.

[1530] But then other people have said, yes, you do.

[1531] Because otherwise your dog can get testicular cancer.

[1532] And my take on that has always been like, okay, so they can't get testicular cancer if you cut off their testicles.

[1533] Like, is that really, is that really what's going on here?

[1534] Like, why are these dogs getting cancer with their balls?

[1535] Like, is there a way to avoid that?

[1536] Just check for lumps on the dog's balls once a week.

[1537] Brian's already doing stuff around there anyway.

[1538] He's all excited.

[1539] He's all excited.

[1540] I don't know.

[1541] We've even discussed about this on the podcast Why this is a concerted effort of my part To eliminate Brian, why does your dog run away from you every Wednesday?

[1542] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not Wednesday.

[1543] What?

[1544] I can understand the girl thing, getting girls spayed Because you don't want them to have periods It's all over the place.

[1545] Well, it's also that, you know, they go into heat and then that attracts dogs And I, when I had a dog that lived next door to a dog that was in heat, it was crazy because I thought there was something wrong with him he was in pain he was like going down the stairs and yiping in pain so i thought he'd like broken a hip or something like that i thought he was in pain because he was injured so i brought him to the hospital and uh the veterinarian was checking him out and he's like uh is there a dog in your uh your neighborhood that's in heat and i said i don't know why he goes because your dog's just horny as hell and i was like are you serious like my dog's so horny he's crying he did so bad he was you know this big strong dog but he would walk and go I would cut near him and he would panic And I'd be like, it's okay, buddy It's okay, what's the matter?

[1546] And I'm like, my poor dog I carried him to the car Because I thought he was broken Meanwhile, he's just horny That's nuts That's the noise I make If a girl comes back to my place It doesn't put out Yipe Yipe Doug Benson's sexist Use the term put out How dare you Give it up Oh my God, he said give it up Give up the honey hole Oh God You heard it Give it up Is that a thing?

[1547] I'm sure it's a thing People call it that for sure Honey pot I think they call it Honey pot You'd be better off with a hole than a pot Seems like a hole you could be a little bit more specific About the size of it A pot Pots, that's a big old hole Yeah you don't want to put your dick in anything You're calling a pot That's, you know, it can't be big Like even if my child's pots That they play in Those are still fucking quite big You know A cauldron Back in the day They had cauldrons Yeah That's what Giants would fuck Have you been paying attention To this fucking government shut down You know I don't enjoy paying attention to it It just makes me angry But I do check in every day To see what they're saying about it Yeah I am so confused It's a big whole mess It's just stupid I'm so confused Like it's exactly what wrong with American politics.

[1548] I'm also, I'm just, I'm so confused that they let it get to this point, too.

[1549] I don't understand.

[1550] I mean, how could they fucking, like, if this really is like a standoff thing or one side won't, won't cooperate.

[1551] It's like one third.

[1552] It's not even a side as much as it's like a third.

[1553] I don't understand.

[1554] It's crazy.

[1555] I don't know how it ever even gets made.

[1556] I don't know how it's possible.

[1557] Everyone's just like, you know, everyone wants to be reelected.

[1558] Is their number one goal, you know, and if they're about to retire, their number one goal is to take down the, you know, number one person on the opposing team.

[1559] That seems all they want to do.

[1560] Yeah, I just have a hard time believing that, you know, in this day and age that we could allow the whole system to just shut down for more than a week because they can't agree on something.

[1561] It seems like I understand I'm not trying to be naive that they have to represent their constituents and that they have opposing viewpoints on certain things like Obamacare.

[1562] But apparently that's the big stipulation.

[1563] It's all about the program that's going to be instituted for health care, mandatory health care.

[1564] There's certain stipulations about the program.

[1565] I know that a lot of business owners don't like.

[1566] But I know that other people think it's good.

[1567] And other people think that it's a great step.

[1568] So I need to fucking really dig into it and take an evening and really research it from a bunch of different points of view.

[1569] because right now I'm getting you know just sort of abstract information about it and I don't have enough to talk about it seems to me it's a very divisive issue I try not to talk about these things just because I you know I don't consider myself an expert but I do pay attention you know I do listen to all of it to try to understand it and in the case of this it just really feels like if Obamacare is fully implemented then that's then they no longer have the Obamacare is going to ruin the country argument unless it really does ruin the country and in which case, why won't they just let it happen if they think it's going to ruin the country and then they can jump in and be the saviors.

[1570] Yeah.

[1571] You know?

[1572] Yeah, I guess so they're setting themselves up.

[1573] It seems like they're trying to stop just any kind of success that can be had by the current administration needs to be stopped at any cost.

[1574] It feels like what's going on.

[1575] And also laws that are put in place are much more difficult to rescind.

[1576] Yeah, it's a, Obama.

[1577] law you know so they're going to all this trouble to fight it when there's all these other issues that's that genuinely need like why aren't they all just trying to create jobs like why is this the discussion do you guys understand the obamacare at all like like if if is that because kevin perera just signed up for it like that night at midnight he was on the computer signing up for obamacare and i think he pays like 200 dollars a month or 300 dollars a month for like really fucking awesome insurance because of it now but It doesn't start until January, I guess.

[1578] You have to sign up for now.

[1579] This is the sign up period.

[1580] They're trying to get everybody, but there's all these ads on TV telling you that it's bad and that you shouldn't sign up for it.

[1581] They have ads that try to encourage young people to not sign up for it because they have a young woman is sitting in like a gynecologist's office with her feet in the stirrups.

[1582] And then the gynecologist has a giant ugly Uncle Sam, Paper Mache, Uncle Sam head that runs.

[1583] rises up and is like looming over her vagina, like trying to tell young people, don't sign up for Obamacare because then they're going, then the government's going to tell you what you can do with your vagina.

[1584] What is that true?

[1585] Does the government have a vagina agenda?

[1586] Well, the thing is, is they, some argue that Republicans do are, are, you know, do have a vagina agenda, but it's not to, it's so weird that they, they basically have just flipped the script.

[1587] Like, it's supposed to be that, you know, the Republicans are anti -woman.

[1588] But they're trying to make it look like Obama's really the one that wants to tell you what you could do with your vagina.

[1589] So it's just manipulative.

[1590] It's about health care, period.

[1591] So they use it to, like, sexual health care.

[1592] They go to that right away.

[1593] Babies, vagina.

[1594] Your wife's puss.

[1595] Yeah, well, because that's what the Democrats have been using.

[1596] They've been saying the Republicans are anti -woman.

[1597] So they're just using the same approach, but putting it on Obamacare.

[1598] That Obamacare is anti -woman.

[1599] It's really fascinating that they're allowed to do that.

[1600] It's really fascinating that are allowed to editorial.

[1601] realize at all that they're allowed to have like any sort of dramatic influence at all in their commercials it's so crazy like you're allowing people to manipulate you know yeah Doug Benson has shown time and time again he doesn't care about the people of los angeles Doug Benson promotes smoking marijuana for underage children including your children Doug Benson is not a good American.

[1602] In fact, he would live in Canada if it wasn't so fucking cold.

[1603] Doug Benson would make a shit president.

[1604] They almost can say that, man. They're so dramatic.

[1605] It's not facts, like very clear, simple, vetted facts that have been verified on both sides and agreed to.

[1606] No, no, no, no. Nonsense, hyperbole, drama, dramatic writing.

[1607] fucking manipulation of the truth, all that's standard fare.

[1608] And oh, by the way, we've been paid for by giant corporations.

[1609] All of this manipulation, the changing of the opinion of the culture, the sheeple of the culture, has been all manipulated by giant corporations under the law.

[1610] Yeah.

[1611] All totally squeaky, clean, and legal, and encouraged, and necessary for the political process, Doug Benson.

[1612] Why, the political process needs money injected into it.

[1613] There's very few laws that are against.

[1614] rich people very few rich people can get away with almost anything yeah it's a you know as long as they can not rape or murder rich people are set yeah they're never going to jail there's a lot of well unless they rip off rich people unless you're right but even then I mean like there's nobody's in jail from the last you know crisis on wall street nobody got arrested for that well Bernie made off you can't really connect to the crisis on Wall Street no no but I'm just saying went down because he ripped off he went down super hard yeah but if you think think about it, there's the super rich people, there's people that lost money, but there's also people that had gained money in the craziness of the market as it existed before, and there's people that recognize that a correction was going to be in place, and there's also people that because of the political money that they put into the system, the banks were rescued.

[1615] So even though they lost all this money, and it could have been a catastrophic failure for these companies, like, listen, we're going to be taken care of.

[1616] And so then the government, ganks money from the people, props back up the bank, saying, listen, this economy is very...

[1617] fragile.

[1618] We have to keep it going, as only we know how.

[1619] So we're going to need some money.

[1620] We're going to need some money, and we're sorry about this, and don't worry about it.

[1621] We're never going to happen again.

[1622] Your tax dollars will never go to these...

[1623] Why is he getting a bonus?

[1624] Oh, he needs a bonus, man. He got to get his bonus.

[1625] If he don't get his bonus, man, he'll leave and he'll go somewhere else.

[1626] He did the job.

[1627] Fucking bonuses.

[1628] Their bonuses were half a million dollars.

[1629] That was the limitation, the cap.

[1630] The governor, we've been informed that people are upset about the bonus.

[1631] bonuses?

[1632] We need to raise depth ceiling.

[1633] Yeah.

[1634] We have limited their bonuses to $500 ,000.

[1635] So much money.

[1636] That's so much money.

[1637] For the average person to get a $500 ,000 bonus in the mail, they'd be like, holy fucking shit.

[1638] Can you imagine if you go to your mailbox?

[1639] You've just received a bonus from work.

[1640] What the fuck is this?

[1641] What do the fuck is this say?

[1642] You just start thinking about what kind of car am I buying?

[1643] I want to buy a fucking new Corvette, God damn it.

[1644] How much is the down payment in the house?

[1645] How much am I going to have left?

[1646] He would just start going over the money in your head.

[1647] That's what their bonus was.

[1648] This is after they're already making millions, and their bank failed.

[1649] Crashed into the fucking ground and was propped back up by taxpayers in a way that I completely don't understand.

[1650] But if you talk to Brian Callan, he will Fox News news you to death on this.

[1651] Oh, really?

[1652] Well, you know, they paid the loan back within nine months.

[1653] Blah!

[1654] Where do that money go then?

[1655] Come on.

[1656] They need to pay more.

[1657] Everyone needs to pay.

[1658] Figure this out.

[1659] Work this fucking thing out.

[1660] This thing's a mess.

[1661] This is a fucking house made in a sticks and gluten gum.

[1662] All fucking patched together and fucking wavering in the wind.

[1663] Joe, please tell me you saw the Yoko Ono on David Letterman.

[1664] I refuse to watch it.

[1665] Why?

[1666] She makes my blood boil.

[1667] Oh, God.

[1668] She makes my blood boil.

[1669] And I don't want to be a mean person, so I don't want to say mean things about her.

[1670] But this idea that what she's doing, I guess it is a performance if we're talking about it.

[1671] It elicits a response from you, but the response is not the kind of response that I want from my 30 seconds to a minute of watching something.

[1672] It's the response that makes me annoyed.

[1673] What does she do on there that's so...

[1674] I love the first comment, or the most voted comment, you know, on YouTube, the one at the top, was it said?

[1675] What the goddamn fucking fuck did I just watch?

[1676] Like almost 200 ,000.

[1677] All right, because she came out and did a song or something?

[1678] Let's play.

[1679] Let's play.

[1680] Let's play it.

[1681] She was on Letterman.

[1682] Is she like 90?

[1683] Yeah.

[1684] Well, she, when she got John Lennon's soul into her body, she got a double life.

[1685] David Letterman hanging in.

[1686] I love him.

[1687] Good guy.

[1688] But he's only having her on just for this sort of attention.

[1689] I don't know.

[1690] His lineup has changed over the years, but whose namesake has remained at the helm.

[1691] And their new album right here is entitled to Take Me to the World of the World of the Song.

[1692] Oh my goodness.

[1693] What a trip that would be.

[1694] What do you say, take me to the what?

[1695] Hell.

[1696] Take me to hell?

[1697] I think, what's the name of her album?

[1698] I don't know.

[1699] You were talking, you fuck.

[1700] I can't believe.

[1701] Just look at her.

[1702] Oh, my God.

[1703] Okay, I changed my tune 100%.

[1704] I love her now.

[1705] I thought this was going to be.

[1706] I thought it was going to be terrible.

[1707] I mean, I don't enjoy it.

[1708] Well, you're, but it's not.

[1709] She's mixed with the flaming lips, so 90 % of it is badass.

[1710] Yeah.

[1711] yeah you know what man it's fine to have her screeching if the flaming lips are playing yeah it's got a good beat yeah they're badass flaming lips are dope they're making her sound awesome look at her they see the backup singer he's like oh oh i like this do you like the hooded figure with the uh cocktail shaker yeah you know what i love about this this bitch could do this all day with different songs she hasn't written a word of this this is all noise coming out of her mouth so yeah this is like your daughter singing to the mirror and playing dress up i don't know man she seems pretty good at this this is a new style she looks good too she looks like she'd suck a good dick with you know what this would be good man that's how she got john she had to do something to hook that motherfucker god he was into her he was so into her she must have a super pussy she must have voodoo pussy this is no other way is that her boyfriend on the floor no it's robert plant he gave up i guess he uh And he took the hood off.

[1712] The beautiful thing is you could do this all day with her.

[1713] Like, if the Flaming Lips had her singing songs, they could actually be pretty fucking good song.

[1714] Like, that would be a good album.

[1715] I'm not bullshitting you because I like music that doesn't have songs that doesn't have lyrics sometimes.

[1716] Like, I listen to foreign artists because I don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

[1717] I enjoy it.

[1718] Of course, this would get tired.

[1719] I couldn't listen to it every day.

[1720] But I have a broad spectrum of what I like, Brian.

[1721] Like, for instance, what do you think I was listening to on the way over here?

[1722] Somebody screaming while dying, looped over, I don't know, Jay -Z.

[1723] No. I was listening to Dwight Yolkham.

[1724] I like a little country music right now, man. I guess, he's a good actor.

[1725] I guess at the end, David says something pretty.

[1726] He was in Slingblade, right?

[1727] He was scary in that.

[1728] Yeah.

[1729] Well, she's tiny.

[1730] I mean, he's big, but she's tiny.

[1731] I am crazy Hello Thank you It's fun when you Leave the theater Humming the music from the show Isn't it?

[1732] Thanks for watching Good night everybody I love it I love it But it was a friendly burn Yes She has no idea She's royalty You have to be friendly to her Even if she drives you crazy But if she hot Like if Bill Burr and her We're in a room together And you saw that Bill Burr bit Have you seen that Bill Burr bit I can imagine it It's a video that he uh from his monday morning podcast his podcast is one of the most unique podcast because it's just him talking into a microphone yeah he just goes off which i've done before i did back in the early days i did a few of those like that where i would like read twitter and like there's a couple things i was just going to talk about it just wanted me being baked rambling but bill does it every week and it's really funny and some one of the best ones if you google it um bill burr just Google Bill Burr, Yoko, oh no. And it's John and Yoko are singing with Chuck Barry on stage, and Bill does like some of the fucking most hilarious commentary on her and him.

[1733] That whole situation between John and Yoko that I've ever heard.

[1734] It was fucking...

[1735] And with the video, like whoever made the video, because it wasn't Bill.

[1736] It was a fan.

[1737] Made the video.

[1738] And spliced it together perfectly and edited it perfectly.

[1739] So as he's talking, you see the look on Chuck Barry's face when he's fucking realizing that Yoko's screaming into the microphone.

[1740] yeah yeah yeah because Bill Burr did the rant and then they made the video to match the rant that's fantastic oh that's one of the most beautiful things about the internet is these fan created things these fan created videos I was at a film festival a couple weeks ago and I just tweeted on my thing I wonder I want to know someone make a picture of what it would look like if James Woods had Elijah Woods eyes and within two minutes three people had photoshopped his eyes onto James Woods and every picture was creepy as fuck I'm sure Then it started getting even worse, and then someone started photoshopping his dick, because James Woods has a notoriously big dick.

[1741] Oh, does he?

[1742] Can you get those on Twitter?

[1743] Can you allow to show a dick on Twitter?

[1744] That explains, I guess, why he's so cocky.

[1745] He's always been so cocky.

[1746] Yeah, it's very cocky.

[1747] He's supposed to have a monster hog.

[1748] Are you allowed to have naked stuff on Twitter?

[1749] How's that work?

[1750] Yeah, you are.

[1751] Because a lot of the strip girls are the...

[1752] Like, yeah, no, there's super crazy porn -y pictures, like if you go to a porn star's page.

[1753] How's that work?

[1754] pictures of them with dicks in them and stuff do they have to be locked like you have to approve oh just looks pretty pretty open range i think maybe like you know twitter could shut them down well that's one some of the things that people like about instagram so you can lock it you could have your own thing like only your friends can get into it to check it out you have to approve them yeah if they don't get in it oh that's creepy wow that's weird he looks like a robot yeah james woods with eliza wood's eyes um how did we get to talking about James Woods?

[1755] I just brought it up as an example of, you know, about how you can, you were talking about how people should cut together.

[1756] Like, that's what I've been thinking about.

[1757] You also, you know how we talked about how you should do commentary on street fights and stuff?

[1758] Yeah.

[1759] Another thing you could do, though, that would be awesome is just take classic fight scenes from movies and do Joe Rogan, you know, commentary through them as if it's, you know, as if you're calling a fight, but it's has no one ever done that before i don't think so like like a movie like they live that really long fight scene and they live be so much fun if you just recorded the audio of you just talking over it and just set that out and then people just get that and then they rent the movie and watch it and then listen just sink it up so they listen to you talking about it while they're watching it hmm that might work be super fun you have to pay money you'd have to like get the rights to the movies and shit like that to do that you can't just do that no they just do it really yeah Like Pete Holmes and Adam Crolla, they'll watch a movie and just have a discussion while they're watching it.

[1760] Are you allowed to do that?

[1761] And as long as you're not recording the movie and using the soundtrack of the movie.

[1762] I talked to this about you about two years ago.

[1763] I said, talked to you that we should do this.

[1764] And you were against it at the time.

[1765] No, no. Well, I think because you were referring to in terms of my Benson movie interruption, like, why don't you film it or why don't you release it?

[1766] And the reason for that is because I can't record a lot.

[1767] I like the live audience element.

[1768] I like improvising while watching the movie and the live audience element so you can't, there's no way to record the audience without recording the soundtrack of the movie that's in the same theater and that's, I just think it's fun as a live event.

[1769] But what I'm talking about here is totally doable.

[1770] It's not something I want to do necessarily.

[1771] Yeah, or just, or you could call it a comedy album, you know, just like Joe talks through some of the greatest fight scenes and then you put a bunch of them out there It seems like you'd have to pay them.

[1772] It seems like especially if you were profiting off of it, you would have to pay them.

[1773] Well, for some reason, Carolla gets away with it.

[1774] They just, you know, it's sort of like they're just talking about the movie.

[1775] So, you know, as long as you're not playing the actual movie.

[1776] I'll find out.

[1777] You know, it's like if you wrote a book that had a lot of quotes from a movie, I don't know.

[1778] I don't think you'd have to pay anybody as long as you're saying what movie it's from.

[1779] Or we could play the movie and have Joe do it like on an Ice House Chronicles.

[1780] I don't get it.

[1781] Why would that be?

[1782] Like, do it live?

[1783] Oh, because there's no sponsors.

[1784] Still, I think the person who's doing it, you can still, you open yourself up because then it could be possibly, yeah, with that, if he does the Ice House Chronicles, and the people who listen to that also listen to his show.

[1785] So it's basically like his show, you know, there's an argument for that, too.

[1786] That's good.

[1787] Sure.

[1788] Take down notice.

[1789] Yeah.

[1790] Is that what happens?

[1791] Just give you a take down notice?

[1792] Yeah, they're not going to send you to, like, trial.

[1793] But see, the thing is, man, it depends on how the laws get changed.

[1794] It depends on who's coming in next.

[1795] It depends on if Republicans are going to be in office, whether or not they're going to tighten down on this kind of shit, whether or not they're going to promote lawsuits like this, you know, what they're going to make legal and what's not legal.

[1796] Yeah.

[1797] Because, you know, people can sue.

[1798] If they think that they're going to get paid, they're going to sue.

[1799] Suing is a way of generating income.

[1800] And then they might get paid just so you don't have to pay more.

[1801] Yeah.

[1802] Sometimes people pay.

[1803] I know people that have been sued for things that they never did and they had to pay because they didn't want to deal with any more legal drama.

[1804] It takes time away from them.

[1805] And so they had to give up, like, 25 grand.

[1806] or $30 ,000 for nothing.

[1807] Like, I know a guy who was in an argument with someone.

[1808] The guy claimed that he hit him.

[1809] He didn't do anything.

[1810] And he wound up giving him money just to shut him up.

[1811] You know, once you do that, that's the problem is, you know, then what if he has friends?

[1812] And he tells everybody, hey, you know, I fucking, I goaded this guy into an argument, and then I said to he hit me and I made money off of them.

[1813] Like, there's creepy fucks out there that just try to manipulate the legal system and make cash.

[1814] I'm just going to stay inside from now on.

[1815] Do it, Doug, do it.

[1816] Don't be a pussy.

[1817] And no wheat.

[1818] Don't be gumming up your fucking insides.

[1819] Patten lawyers are kind of like that.

[1820] Sure.

[1821] Patten lawyers.

[1822] Or not patent lawyers.

[1823] Patent, Oswald?

[1824] Yeah, those assholes that were going after podcasts.

[1825] You just called Patent a Troll?

[1826] No, I love that guy.

[1827] How dare you?

[1828] When's he coming back?

[1829] Today, he put words.

[1830] I don't know.

[1831] He's hard to nail down these days.

[1832] Busy fellow.

[1833] He's very popular.

[1834] Works a lot.

[1835] Do you watch Justified?

[1836] No. He was on a recurring character on the last season.

[1837] How is that?

[1838] It's a great show.

[1839] It's, you know, Elmore Leonard, so it's really like, you know, tough and...

[1840] So it's based.

[1841] Based on an Ellen letter novel?

[1842] Based on his writings, and he wrote a lot of the episodes.

[1843] He passed away recently, but he was really involved in the show, and I love it.

[1844] It's one of my favorite shows on TV.

[1845] What's his most famous novel?

[1846] Probably because of the movie was the most popular movie based on his novels, probably Get Shorty.

[1847] Yes.

[1848] Yes.

[1849] Did you ever read that?

[1850] No, I've never really read any of his books, but plenty of things that have been adapted from his books, especially the ones that he has a finger on, a hand in, like, are really good.

[1851] Like, he, you know, his books, I imagine, are, like, screenplays, you know, and have just lots of clever dialogue and interesting situations and characters.

[1852] Yeah.

[1853] We were going over the other day how many different movies Stephen King books have been turned into.

[1854] Oh.

[1855] I can't wait to see the new character.

[1856] Did you come?

[1857] Did you find a number?

[1858] It looks crazy.

[1859] A number of Stephen King books?

[1860] No, he wasn't in the podcast.

[1861] It must be at least 50.

[1862] Must be in that range There's a lot Plus there's a bunch of mini -series for TV Including The Shining The Langaleers, It Remember It?

[1863] Salem's Lot Salem's Lot Yeah, a lot of them man He might be the baddest motherfucker of all time When it comes to fiction I mean he really might be When you stop and think about How good some of his movies were Thinner or how good some of his books were He had some great fucking fiction books Really fun The Shining is a fucking fantastic book Yeah well that was a great That was the funny thing when the Shining the movie came out, lovers of the book were really mad about it, and then the Shining kind of had to take on this life of its own and become like, it's like a separate classic, you know?

[1864] Because it's a classic movie, and the book is classic, but they really, you know, they don't have a lot in common other than a family staying at a hotel over the winter.

[1865] Yeah, the transformation was much more, much more slow in the book.

[1866] The transformation of Jack to Jack Nicholson's character to be crazy.

[1867] Jack Nicholson looks crazy when they're driving up to the place.

[1868] What he's going to do his first interview, he's already like, hey, this is great.

[1869] He's talking, honey, I just need to do my work and everything.

[1870] Yeah, fine.

[1871] There's a lot of great conspiracy.

[1872] There's a movie called Room 237, and it's all, like, shining the movie scholars and Kubrick scholars, or, you know, at least so -called.

[1873] They call themselves that, but they, it's a whole movie of just talking at length about all the hidden messages in the Shining.

[1874] You know, because, like, you know, people like to say that Stanley Kubrick is the one who directed the fake moon landing.

[1875] Yes.

[1876] And in the shining, little Danny wears a sweater that has a rocket ship on it that says USA on it.

[1877] So everybody has jumped to the conclusion that he really did fake the moon landing footage, and this was his fun way of admitting to it.

[1878] As opposed to he's making fun of the fact that people, you know, said that he failed.

[1879] the moon landing, which it could be, or it could just be it's a cute kid and a cute sweater that happens to have a rocket ship on it.

[1880] There was a bunch of parallels, apparently.

[1881] It wasn't just that one.

[1882] Oh, yeah.

[1883] No, there's a ton of stuff, but it gets so deep and so ridiculous.

[1884] Like, patterns in the carpeting.

[1885] Uh -huh, yeah.

[1886] And, like, also throughout the movie, when they're moving around from room to room in the hotel, like, where they're going from scene to scene doesn't match up.

[1887] So sometimes if they go down a hallway that's just a long hallway, sometimes they head off in the same direction and they're just in a kitchen.

[1888] You know, like it's the the architecture, you know, the way the whole place is laid out is, uh, it doesn't make sense.

[1889] But that, you could say that probably in a lot of movies because just the way movies are shot.

[1890] Yeah.

[1891] You know, like we'll use one side of the room for one scene and we'll pretend the other side of the room is somewhere else or whatever.

[1892] So it gets so deep, but it's called room 237.

[1893] And also, you never see any of the people talking about these theories.

[1894] The entire movie is just clips from the shining and then clips from other movies that kind of reenact the things he's uh they're describing yeah there's another one that i watched um by a guy named j weedner it's called cubrick's odyssey uh secrets hidden in the films of stanley cubrick part one cubrick and apollo and it's all about those connections between the apollo moon landings and cubrick's films and he even has uh some sort of a claim that the method that cubrick used was the same method that he used on 2001, something called front screen projection, some type of something along those lines, and he claims that they used it to film certain scenes in the moon landings, and he can prove it.

[1895] This guy was these guys that go way out like that, I can have like, and there was a 230 stairs, so Jack walked up, and he moved over to Room 236, which is exactly the distance between the Earth and the Moon in hundreds of thousands of miles.

[1896] And you're like, oh, okay.

[1897] Yeah, they come up with some really good ones.

[1898] Like, there's a poster for skiing, you know, like advertising skiing on the wall.

[1899] But they say that the skier in the shape of it looks like a minotaur.

[1900] And then they're like, and they also say, you know, and why would there be a poster for skiing if the resort is closed every winter because there's too much snow there and they don't, the visitors can't get in and out.

[1901] So stupid.

[1902] And it's like, yeah, but they just, Stanley Kubrick just put a dumb poster on the wall.

[1903] You know, like, it's that, you know, an art director on the set.

[1904] You know, anybody on the set, just put that poster there because it was an ugly blank wall or something.

[1905] Exactly.

[1906] It's like they think way too hard about every little choice.

[1907] No way that.

[1908] The distance between the Earth and the Moon varies.

[1909] It moves around a little bit.

[1910] You know?

[1911] It doesn't stay at 2 .36.

[1912] I think it goes farther.

[1913] And I'm pretty sure the distance between the Earth and the Moon varies.

[1914] Let's look at that distance.

[1915] Are you going to see that Carrie remake?

[1916] Yeah.

[1917] Yeah, he was just saying that it looks great.

[1918] To me, it's a little bit of sacrilege.

[1919] I love the girl in it, though.

[1920] It doesn't, they're not editing the original one.

[1921] No, no. No, it's going to be more straightforward than the original.

[1922] The original is such a unique movie.

[1923] It's got so many weird De Palmaisms in it.

[1924] Wow.

[1925] And this new one's just going to be, I think it's just going to be a straightforward telling of the, you know, the exact same story.

[1926] Oh, so it's just the same movie.

[1927] Yeah, but without, you know, without De Palma's wacky, you know.

[1928] The marketing for it is fucking awesome.

[1929] You see that video that they, uh, viral video that they, uh, viral video that they, release that's going out right now.

[1930] It's crazy.

[1931] They took a coffee shop and they set it up with they pretty much built the whole thing and they had like this track running up the side of this wall so this guy can get thrown up and like pushed up and like they have remote control tables and so what they did is they did all this shit and then when people were coming in to get coffee they just started fucking with people.

[1932] This was, Carrie did this?

[1933] The movie Carrie, yeah.

[1934] That's so smart man. And it's really good.

[1935] Like, this is probably one of the best pranks in the wild.

[1936] Like, those are all actors around here.

[1937] Oh, my God.

[1938] That sucks.

[1939] I'm sorry.

[1940] You just ruined all of my stuff.

[1941] Oh, she's an actress.

[1942] It'll be fine.

[1943] There's coffee inside of my computer.

[1944] You know what?

[1945] Just get away for me. Just get away for me. See, I would have felt the set with more of those wooden things.

[1946] Look at these people freaking out.

[1947] Get away for me!

[1948] Okay, automatically I would start laughing.

[1949] Wouldn't you start laughing?

[1950] I'd be like, oh, okay.

[1951] Well, see that wooden thing that he flies on?

[1952] It's got a big line on it.

[1953] Yeah, see, I would have four or five more of those, because right now it just looks like he's on a track, you know?

[1954] It looks like one of those carnival things you hit and you try to ring the bell.

[1955] Right.

[1956] That's how you feel, Brian.

[1957] But that guy is genuinely terrible.

[1958] This would be crazy.

[1959] I like the way the tables all spread out is like the scariest part.

[1960] actually yeah like that woman's recording and she's like what the fuck yeah someone will record anything these days you know it's it's an interesting book um the book is amazing and it was the big hit for for stephen king the book was the book that got him out of poverty and uh it's interesting because he had thrown it out uh he had written some and thrown it out and he decided like he didn't know what it was like to go to the prom he didn't know whether or not the girls would do that and the guy would go to the prom with her.

[1961] He didn't understand the emotions behind it, like coming from as a woman.

[1962] And so he was going to toss it, and then his wife pulled it out of the trash, like he was out of the house, and she started reading it, and then she said, stick with this.

[1963] Wow.

[1964] That's where that movie.

[1965] Good wife.

[1966] That's where that book came.

[1967] Probably his first wife.

[1968] Well, he's still with his first wife.

[1969] Oh, okay.

[1970] The distance varies from the earth to the moon by 43 ,592 kilometers.

[1971] So, yeah, it varies a lot.

[1972] 43 ,000 kilometers.

[1973] that's like 20 something thousand miles it's a lot of fucking miles dog yeah yeah so it does Stephen King hasn't had as many adaptations as that but now it's probably doing on this phone so that that number 236 or 237 the distance of the earth to move what oh yeah what are you doing that's 26 ,700 miles boom there we go thanks what is it like one mile I think is 2 .2 .2 2 .2 kilometers is one mile, so 100 kilometers is 62 miles an hour, I think.

[1974] I think that goes.

[1975] Because they do that like zero to 60s with European cars.

[1976] You know, when they tell you the performance numbers, they break it down to kilometers and kilometers per hour per second.

[1977] Whoa.

[1978] Did that too much for you, Doug Benson?

[1979] I think his seven bottles of weed might be catching up.

[1980] I'm still thinking about the new version of carry and how I don't, you don't want.

[1981] it i you don't i hate i hate being against it to be honest with you because i i like the idea of it but it's just like to me it's just going to be i guess i should look at it like a play where you like you can see more than like i've seen who's afraid of virginia wolf a couple of times with different casts and it's like different people emerge as the strongest characters and you know that you see different things in the writing because of different performances but it just seems like julienne more and that girl chloe morets are just sort of forced to kind of to go through the motions of being like the two people in the first movie.

[1982] Yeah, because it was so big.

[1983] She's just a religious zealette who's yelling at her all the time, and eventually the daughter starts getting some cutlery out and making it fly across the room.

[1984] Yeah, it's kind of different than, like, King Kong.

[1985] When they redo King Kong, they have to have the Faye Ray character, and that's the original carry.

[1986] Yeah, but he, like, De Palma had tons of, like, split screens and, like, you know, lots of wacky stuff that he used to do all the time.

[1987] Yeah.

[1988] And so it's got a really unique, and then Sissy Spaceic, this girl and the new one is like, she's an outcast, she's gorgeous.

[1989] Like, she's a cute girl and, like, you know, how messed up is she that she, you know, I assume she has the same incident in the beginning of the movie where she gets her period in front of everybody.

[1990] I hope so.

[1991] They don't have, they don't have Sissy Spac type actresses anymore.

[1992] I mean, what actresses?

[1993] That's what somebody said to me. They're like, do you think Sissy Spacex ugly?

[1994] And I said, no, she's not ugly, but she's.

[1995] ugly enough that when in these early scenes it's believable and then when she's at the prom she actually looks pretty greatest american hero remember that yeah yeah william cat that guy was the first guy that i'm ever met uh that was famous when i was in l -a he was in front of me at starbucks and he had a gut was he nice like wow is he nice too or did you i shouldn't say meet him my first one you first siding uh my first sighting yeah see look at they go to the split screen yeah that's right i forgot about the split screen shit yeah and it was uh look at that crazy People getting hosed.

[1996] I don't know if that's going to happen in this new one.

[1997] Back then, that was cool special effects.

[1998] Weird fucking movie, man. Yeah.

[1999] Weird movie.

[2000] No, he made a really kind of artsy -fartsy movie out of a, you know, out of just basically a straightforward book, you know.

[2001] Wow, I forgot Travolta was in it.

[2002] Yeah.

[2003] It was a good fucking movie, man. And especially for the time.

[2004] Yeah.

[2005] It was amazing.

[2006] It was a big hit.

[2007] It was so unique.

[2008] And it's like, and it's a reference point, you know, like, don't take carry to the prom, you know, like pig's blood being dumped on you.

[2009] Like, people make references to it to this day, even though the original movie doesn't get a lot of play.

[2010] No, that's true, yeah.

[2011] When you talk about a girl going crazy and psycho, she'll go carry on you.

[2012] You don't go carry.

[2013] Yeah.

[2014] The book's incredible, though.

[2015] It's really good.

[2016] Yeah, I was super into Stephen King.

[2017] I wrote a letter to Stephen King about how much I didn't like Kubrick's The Shining, and he wrote back.

[2018] Oh, like typed on a postcard.

[2019] Like he would just sit and type back letters to fans and he wrote back.

[2020] Do you still have that?

[2021] A very, yeah.

[2022] He wrote a very diplomatic response which is just like, you know, I don't control what happens to my books when they're made into movies.

[2023] But he was, it was well known that at the time that came out, he hated it.

[2024] Like he was angry about it.

[2025] Yeah.

[2026] Well, that's why they did that remake where they did it on television.

[2027] They did it much truer to the book.

[2028] Yeah.

[2029] And then still not a very good movie just because of other choices that were made.

[2030] Like the kid they got to play the kid was an annoying kid actor you know, and so he wasn't an engaging central character.

[2031] Did you like the guy from Wings?

[2032] Stephen Weber?

[2033] Yeah, he was all right, I guess.

[2034] But I just, I, I haven't liked a single made -for -TV Stephen King from beginning to end.

[2035] There's parts that are good.

[2036] Like, it, like the Pennywise looked cool.

[2037] Yeah.

[2038] Was really scary looking, but I thought the movie was too silly.

[2039] Well, it's also you're trying to make a movie out of a book, but instead you're making, like, this mini -series thing, which takes many, many hours to watch.

[2040] We can drag it out.

[2041] And a lot of times they lose the dynamic energy of a movie.

[2042] If you're sitting and watching a movie, movies have beginnings, middles, and ends, and you take them all in one chunk.

[2043] Books, you let it sort of unravel in your day.

[2044] You know, you read when you can, you come back to it, you get right back into it, and it's fine.

[2045] Yeah, people usually don't watch movies one chapter at a time.

[2046] Yeah, so when you're watching an hour a week or an hour a day for three days or whatever, How are the fuck they did it Where they had it as a miniseries It just doesn't work that good Yeah like I didn't think the stand miniseries Was terribly good I didn't see that Who was in that?

[2047] I think the main guy Was played by Jamie Sheridan Brian don't show this Because I want to see that movie I don't want I hate watching Trailers are the worst these days Like if I'm really excited about a movie I'll just not I'll just avoid the trailers You're right The reason I was watching it Because I'm so in love With that girl in that movie She's just beautiful chick So I don't buy that at all The plainness And like the original Yeah I mean they have to change it to that everybody hates her because she's better than all of them.

[2048] That's so stupid.

[2049] But, oh, that's what I was going to say about when somebody said, you don't think Sissy Spakes is beautiful.

[2050] It's like, well, no, she's not ugly, but she also was not on a cosmopolitan teen when Carrie came out.

[2051] She was an actress who was chosen because she could seem like a religious nut outcast.

[2052] Yeah, which is very pale.

[2053] Her eyebrows are kind of strange.

[2054] This girl now is the girl of the moment.

[2055] So they're just, well, she's got to play Carrie because she's, you know, We only want to bet on horses that are going to win, and she's a good actress that people like.

[2056] But the problem is, I don't think that works.

[2057] You know, I mean, I'm not saying that she can't pull it off, and maybe she does it awesome.

[2058] But I don't think people go to see movies because of the fucking stars in it.

[2059] You know, I don't think people want to see Avatar because that Australian dude.

[2060] Nobody knows who that guy is.

[2061] Oh, absolutely.

[2062] They know that he works, but they went to see Avatar because it was Avatar, because it was a badass movie.

[2063] But stars can push something over the hump, you know, like the heat we were talking about earlier.

[2064] If that wasn't Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy, it could easily just not be a thing.

[2065] Right.

[2066] So if it sucks, it's okay.

[2067] That's a big name actor.

[2068] That's what you're saying.

[2069] Well, I'm just saying that the unfortunate system needs insurance policies all the time.

[2070] So they only want to work with the people that have already made a lot of money, but all those people were in a surprise hit at some point.

[2071] And that's why they are now bankable stars.

[2072] You know, like when they hired Sandra Bullock for speed, you know, that was probably they were just looking for a young actress who could, you know, fill the role because they already had a star in Keanu Reeves and then she busted out and it's you know been a huge thing ever since.

[2073] Are you discounting the chemistry that they had?

[2074] The chemistry that they shared?

[2075] She's, I mean, I thought she was adorable in speed and I've been waiting for her to make a good movie until gravity.

[2076] It finally happened.

[2077] So these images of Keanu Reeves, poor guys apparently gained weight and so people are taking photos of them like Keanu Reeves fat.

[2078] No. I just saw him.

[2079] couple weeks ago.

[2080] He looked great.

[2081] Maybe there's a fake fat Keanu Reeves.

[2082] He's got this movie, Man of Tai Chi that he directed where he also plays the villain in it.

[2083] Oh, it's a fake guy.

[2084] Fake fat Kianu?

[2085] Fake.

[2086] It does look like I'm not.

[2087] Fat and old on suicide watch.

[2088] Did Keanu Reeves get fat?

[2089] So is it him or not?

[2090] Whoa.

[2091] Well, hmm, this is weird.

[2092] Cianna Reeves is 48.

[2093] Doos allowed to get Ponching his middle age, which looks like he's happily doing, judging from these photos at Cairns.

[2094] Maybe he had his shirt off and he's a little chokier than normal?

[2095] No, he doesn't have his shirt off.

[2096] What the fuck?

[2097] That's for a role or something.

[2098] There's no way he looked like that.

[2099] In May of this year?

[2100] No way.

[2101] Someone's in love with Keanu Reeves.

[2102] We just outed you, buddy.

[2103] Google Keanu Reeves at Fantastic Fest.

[2104] He was there in front of me doing a Q &A and that's not what he looked like.

[2105] So you think it's Photoshop?

[2106] It's either or he played a fat guy in something.

[2107] and people got pictures of it.

[2108] At Wetfest?

[2109] Remember the time Matthew McConaughey went nuts on the beach with some palm fronds and was running around and it was on TMZ and stuff that he was whacked out of his mind running around on the beach?

[2110] That was, he was shooting a film and it was a scene in the film where he did that and people just put it out there like...

[2111] My other great example is when...

[2112] See, look at him.

[2113] Okay, so how long goes this?

[2114] This is a month ago, or two weeks ago.

[2115] Maybe he just went gangster in the last two weeks and got fat as fuck.

[2116] Yeah, it looks thin and healthy That's great Yeah So that doesn't make any sense So what is that other one?

[2117] Maybe that's not even him I think that's not really now It might be a guy that looks like him That's fat?

[2118] Yeah, I'm looking at it.

[2119] Let's look at it again Yeah Because it really is It really does look like him It does He probably just got fat for a couple months Yeah but that's hard to do To chop off that weight that quick There's a lot of weight Like his neck I mean there's a lot of fighting in his movies He's got Keanu and cocaine He looks different though Like, his nose looks bigger in the fat one.

[2120] Is that because his nose got fat?

[2121] I think it's easy.

[2122] He was either acting as a fat guy.

[2123] Hmm.

[2124] Because you saw the pictures of McConaughey as the AIDS dude, right?

[2125] Well, that was when he decided to lose a shitload of weight, right?

[2126] It's insane.

[2127] That's scary.

[2128] It's like life -threatening how thin he got.

[2129] Well, you should never do that.

[2130] Those guys who do that for roles, they're crazy.

[2131] I know, what's his face?

[2132] Batman.

[2133] What the fuck's his name?

[2134] Christian Bail.

[2135] Yeah, yeah.

[2136] The machinist.

[2137] The machinist.

[2138] It was incredible.

[2139] That might be one of these scariest transformations I've ever seen a person make ever because he was on death's door.

[2140] Like, pull images over that, Brian, or if they have a video of Christian Bail and the machinist.

[2141] I mean, it was a big deal when Rob De Niro.

[2142] McConaughey's is just as bad, I think.

[2143] No, I don't think so.

[2144] It's pretty bad.

[2145] Is it?

[2146] Yeah.

[2147] Really?

[2148] I thought this guy was the worst I've ever seen.

[2149] McConaughey, he looks like his neck is so thin and his head's kind of normal McConaughey size and it looks so weird.

[2150] Do you remember when Robert De Niro did it for Raging Bull?

[2151] He gained all that weight to play Jake Lamata as an older man. And everybody was like, this is incredible.

[2152] How did he do that?

[2153] Look at that.

[2154] See if you can find a video of it, though.

[2155] God damn.

[2156] Because the video is even more terrifying because you see him walking around.

[2157] He's like, Jesus Christ.

[2158] Like that's really...

[2159] Well, that's really him.

[2160] That really is Batman.

[2161] Yeah.

[2162] I never remember that guy's name.

[2163] Christian Bale.

[2164] He's super transformative.

[2165] That guy.

[2166] He was amazing in the fighter.

[2167] Yes.

[2168] And he's got...

[2169] He's got a crazy haircut in this new one, American Hustle.

[2170] He's got the weird 70s comb over thing going on.

[2171] He was great in the fighter.

[2172] He played Mickey Ward's cousin, Dickie Eckland, the famous boxer from Boston.

[2173] Insanely aggravating personality.

[2174] Like, that movie's really, it's great, but it's also like, you know, almost every scene he is he's in is just an awkward, horrible.

[2175] Well, Dickie Eckland was a crackhead.

[2176] He was on that HBO series about.

[2177] crack and Lynn, you know, Lynn, Massachusetts, or, uh, is it Lynn, Lowell, Lowell, Massachusetts was an area was really bad.

[2178] The crack hit Lowell super bad in the 80s.

[2179] What are we looking at now?

[2180] This is the video of him and the machinist.

[2181] So you see him, where he's walking around, like it's how many days in a row he hasn't slept.

[2182] It's like, and then to go to all that trouble for something that's not even a particularly good movie.

[2183] Well, I think he tried to make a good, But, you know, how the fuck can you even tell what's going on around you when you're that skinny?

[2184] Yeah.

[2185] I mean, that dude literally died.

[2186] He got down to about a few days of no food from death.

[2187] Yeah, I think, was that Lawrence Fishman?

[2188] Did he eat all of his food?

[2189] How dare you.

[2190] Christian Bale gained 109 pounds for Batman begins after losing 63 pounds for the machinist.

[2191] Bill went from 121 pounds.

[2192] to 230 pounds in six months.

[2193] Oh, my God.

[2194] He was 121 pounds when he did this movie?

[2195] Yeah.

[2196] That's insane.

[2197] So by the time the filming began, Christian Bail had dropped 190 pounds.

[2198] Oh, my God.

[2199] Dropped, oh, you mean back and forth?

[2200] No, he had moved 190 pounds.

[2201] He had dropped 190 pounds, right?

[2202] No, he had dropped to 190 pounds.

[2203] I'm sorry, 100 to drop.

[2204] What?

[2205] It says, you're probably heard that Christian Bale gained 109 pounds.

[2206] for Batman begins, meaning it buffed up for Batman begins.

[2207] Yes.

[2208] After losing 63 pounds for the machinist.

[2209] So, yeah, it's a swing of 190 from his lowest to his full Batman weight.

[2210] But that doesn't make any sense, because that would mean that he's like 300 fucking pounds.

[2211] He was never that big.

[2212] He was...

[2213] Well, 190 and 63 is like 250.

[2214] Yeah, he wouldn't be that much.

[2215] Yeah, he's not that big.

[2216] Yeah, I don't get that.

[2217] That doesn't make any sense.

[2218] Stop breeding that source.

[2219] Whatever that is That doesn't seem to make sense Can you pull up Matthew McConaughey The movie's called Dallas something It's not Magic Mike No I've told this story before But I saw Oh this reminds me I saw that movie with my mother Magic Mike Yeah Why In San Diego That time we were in San Diego For Comic Con And I just saw the first cut Of the movie we were making Chronicon And both of you guys Are really funny in it Really?

[2220] Yeah yeah Remember when we were in the green room and the guy that runs the club said, hey, can you meet one of the investors and you're like, okay, and this guy comes in and he's holding, like, at one point he's holding a bottle of champagne and then he just lets it go and it drops on the floor and crashes everywhere.

[2221] And then you're standing right next to him in the movie going, yeah, normally when you let go of a bottle like that it just floats in the air.

[2222] But there was lots of good stuff because Brian was hitting on some girls out on the street in San Diego late at night and you were like, you did this whole rant about when they're barefoot, they're at they're most vulnerable.

[2223] Because if they, yeah, and also because if they're willing to walk around in glass and piss and everything that's on the ground, they're like, you know, there's no rules anymore.

[2224] You show these girls?

[2225] You see girls, but their faces are blurred, yeah.

[2226] But there's one that looks like she's taking a shit in the middle of the street, and that's what gets Brian's attention.

[2227] He's like, oh, I'll go talk to her, and then you start talking about girls holding their shoes, they're vulnerable.

[2228] There were so many drunk girls, Comic -Con.

[2229] People got so drunk.

[2230] Downtown San Diego is like that every weekend.

[2231] What is the deal with San Diego?

[2232] Why is it so wild?

[2233] It's just 6th Street.

[2234] It's just that one street.

[2235] It's like same thing with there's 6th Street in Austin or, you know, everywhere has got a street or a neighborhood where there's just so many bars in one spot.

[2236] It's also you can walk around.

[2237] Yeah.

[2238] Yeah.

[2239] It's the, you know, the herds of people moving around and then getting too drunk and then next thing you know, fists are being thrown.

[2240] Yeah, I've seen that more in that area.

[2241] Because in, I think anywhere else.

[2242] Because that show Real World, the MTV show.

[2243] Yeah.

[2244] When they have the kids in downtown San Diego and in downtown Austin and a few other places, everybody's so drunk and there's cameras following these kids around and the show hasn't started airing yet.

[2245] So somebody's going to get jealous and angry that these people are on TV and start throwing fists.

[2246] People on the real world get arrested in the San Diego and Austin editions, like there were kind of regular arrests of cast members.

[2247] because they get too drunk and get in trouble in those party neighborhoods.

[2248] Yeah, I can imagine it.

[2249] You know, whenever you get people drinking together in big groups, you're going to see a fight.

[2250] Yeah.

[2251] You get something.

[2252] In the Austin version, there was this one kid who, like, got hit in the face hard, like, by a guy, like, you know, he couldn't even see it coming.

[2253] The guy just, and the guy's face is blurred.

[2254] I think they eventually found him and tried him, but, like, on the TV show, it looks like he just, some guy got away with it.

[2255] because he didn't stick around to sign a release, you know.

[2256] Wow.

[2257] Yeah.

[2258] That's crazy.

[2259] But those girls in the chronic con will be blurred, and it's also not, the movie's not going to come out for a while.

[2260] He just showed a picture of Matthew McIntyre.

[2261] That's nothing.

[2262] That's not that bad.

[2263] That's not as bad as Christian Bell, man. That's not as bad as Christian Bell.

[2264] And then it shows them in the How to Lose a Guy in 10 days.

[2265] That's hilarious.

[2266] This is just TMZ's greatest hits of McConaughey.

[2267] Brian Cowan.

[2268] Do not get Brian Cowan started on Matthew.

[2269] McConaughey because he will go into this whole rant about acting and being authentic and like he gets like he's not a McConaughey fan so he gets McConaughey's been killing it lately McConaughey's been very versatile lately super strong opinions on actors okay yeah that's really going on here it gets yeah how many of those parts would have you liked to have done yeah when one person says I like so and so in that movie.

[2270] Oh, she was terrible in that.

[2271] Okay, well, we both just said a bunch of words.

[2272] Let's go find something to really do.

[2273] Well, it's also, Brian does a lot of acting.

[2274] So he, like, judges acting.

[2275] He likes it.

[2276] Yeah.

[2277] See, I looked at acting completely as an outsider.

[2278] So I see, like, even if I don't like the type of movie he's in, he definitely could act.

[2279] Like, how could you say that guy can't act?

[2280] Did you see Contact?

[2281] He's fucking great in that movie.

[2282] He's in great note.

[2283] What was that movie where he played like a killer?

[2284] Killer Joe?

[2285] Was that what it was called?

[2286] movies intense with the chicken wing do you see that there was a couple movies like that there was another one where he did a freaking movie killer jo where he's like he's a hired killer but he he does this thing to gina gershon with a chicken wing that's really graphic when was this pretty recently i saw it three and a half stars south by southwest last year oh it's a 2011 movie it's a recent movie oh i haven't seen that no you should check it out it's really is it out crazy you can you know you can get it on iTunes or some shit oh killer joe i'll check that out tonight there was a um there was another movie though was it called stricken or something like that god damn it matthew mcana hay serial killer let's there was one in the past where he played some really fucking how he spells name conahe that's a tough one yeah it's a tough one conahe serial killer serial killer mccona hay yeah what a handsome bastard is all right let's say frailty yeah Freelty.

[2287] 2001.

[2288] That was crazy, man. Bill Paxton, and I don't, I haven't seen it long.

[2289] It's got 7 .2 out of 10 on Rottenham Manors.

[2290] Have you heard of the movie, Bernie?

[2291] Bernie, what's that?

[2292] It's Jack Black plays Bernie, and McConaughey plays like a local police detective.

[2293] How do you spell it?

[2294] B -E -R -N -E -B -E -E, and it's, but it takes place in Austin, and it's based on a true story, so the movie is filled with people that were really involved in the story, and knew the real guy as themselves.

[2295] Yeah, it's cool.

[2296] And it's really well done.

[2297] It's Richard Linklater, the guy who did Daze and Confused.

[2298] Damn, Doug Benson coming with a strong recommendations.

[2299] I got like two movies to watch now.

[2300] Killer Joe.

[2301] They're both really interesting, but, you know, they may not be your, you know, cup of tea.

[2302] I like a lot of different kinds of tea.

[2303] Yeah.

[2304] No, I know that about you for sure, that you like, whenever I see you raving about a movie, I always find it interesting because I know you don't see a lot of them.

[2305] Yeah.

[2306] And then also don't probably love a lot of them once you do.

[2307] So when you rave about something, it's very passionate.

[2308] I heard young Kevin and Bean talking shit about Riddick.

[2309] They were talking about me seeing Riddick.

[2310] It was so bad.

[2311] Yeah, I didn't even see the whole thing.

[2312] I just saw a section of it going, oh, this is just not for me. Well, I enjoyed Pitch Black.

[2313] I thought Pitch Black was really cool.

[2314] Well, that's what I immediately said to Kevin Bean is I defended that that that movie wasn't bad.

[2315] It was good.

[2316] And then the Chronicles of Riddick.

[2317] was, you know, ridiculous.

[2318] And then the last one, it was like they were trying to go back to pitch black, but now they're kind of stuck because they've got the budget of a bigger movie.

[2319] So they couldn't, they didn't really force themselves to be terribly inventive.

[2320] It's weird how much, he's alone so much.

[2321] Like this year is the weirdest year in that Tom Cruise, Will Smith Jr., that guy, and there's a four, oh, and then of course, Sandra Bullock, like all these movies where big stars are just sort of like alone in a space or in a, futuristic planet and they've all, you know, until gravity, they've all just failed.

[2322] You know, they're all doing terribly.

[2323] It's like, one of these, the star egos, like, I don't, there doesn't need to be anybody else in this movie.

[2324] But that's different because at least in those, in all these movies that have come out, whether it's a Tom Cruise movie or the Will Smith movie, it's some dystopian future.

[2325] Yeah.

[2326] But this is more current event and the reality of space junk, you know, entering into.

[2327] No, I think gravity came from a better, I don't think Sandra Bullock was like, I need a star vehicle where it's just me but and you know and i don't think tom hanks did that about captain phillips but it's still it's an interesting ego thing that any actor thinks that them alone is worth people to just watch an entire movie well that's the other movie we talked about earlier um sam uh what's his face yeah moon moon sam but that movie is done from a you know a real uh place of uh artistry you know and it was such a interesting premise yes yeah that wasn't interesting it wasn't like you know him just, I'll just, it's not show off you're trying to be a movie, you know, the script came before the actor, I'm sure.

[2328] Yeah.

[2329] Tom Cruise would develop oblivion.

[2330] Like, it'll just be me running around on this planet.

[2331] He did?

[2332] I'm sure he did, yeah.

[2333] You know, he's, he's, uh, I think that guy works really, really hard.

[2334] Like, I admire how hard he works to make the silly movies that we get to see.

[2335] Would you let him fucking, you know, twice a year?

[2336] No. Sure.

[2337] I'm pretty sure.

[2338] Is there, is there somebody that you would, Is there a dude you would let fuck you just because you admire him so much?

[2339] Not anymore.

[2340] What happened?

[2341] Shame on you.

[2342] Yeah, I just don't, yeah, I just don't think I would just be like, can't we just get some drinks?

[2343] That's what I'm talking about, man. Have a smoke.

[2344] Matt Flavors in a Twitter war right now.

[2345] We do.

[2346] Do you know a guy named Philly Prince?

[2347] No. Philly Prince One on Twitter.

[2348] He's a former odds maker head, I don't know what, ESPN host, Fox radio host.

[2349] What's he getting mad of Joey for?

[2350] I don't know, but his whole page is just going off on him.

[2351] Well, maybe so the guy like you will mention it.

[2352] Yeah, good one.

[2353] Yeah, but he's like going off on him saying like he got fucked in the ass in prison and doing all this shit back into this guy.

[2354] If Joey wants to talk about it, let's have Joey talk about it.

[2355] Don't give any guy like that any kind of attention.

[2356] When something like that comes up, that's someone who's trolling.

[2357] And what they're trying to do is they're trying to get attention from a guy who's got a lot of attention.

[2358] And what did you do?

[2359] You just gave him attention.

[2360] Yeah, it's hard to, I mean, in this case, Brian could have not done that.

[2361] But sometimes it's like when it's at you especially, you know, when someone says something really mean or stupid to me, like sometimes I'll retweet it or something.

[2362] And because I just, I get a real charge out of the horrible things that all, that some of my fans will then say to that person.

[2363] You know, and it's fun to see that all the people defending me. But at the same time, you know, people write to me and say, you shouldn't feed the trolls, you know, you shouldn't.

[2364] you're just giving them the attention they want.

[2365] It's like, yeah, but, you know, I think ignoring it sometimes makes them go on to seek more of, more of that attention, you know?

[2366] This was not even, yeah, but this doesn't even have to do with us.

[2367] But it's like, Joey wants to talk about it, let Joey talk about it.

[2368] But if I want to talk about Joey, I want to talk about how great he is.

[2369] But it was funny earlier when we were talking about having the pit bull on the plane is it's like you were kind of shrugged your shoulders like, well, I guess, you know, a guy really likes his dog or whatever.

[2370] And my feeling is, is I would hate to sit next to him.

[2371] Of course.

[2372] But it's such a lottery that when are we going to sit next to him?

[2373] So let the guy have his dog, you know?

[2374] Like we're not going to have to put up with it.

[2375] Yeah, but that's one guy.

[2376] The problem is other people see that and they want to do it.

[2377] There's a reason why you can have dogs on planes.

[2378] One of them is people are fucking allergic to dogs.

[2379] Some people are deathly allergic to dogs.

[2380] Some people, their eyes swell up shut.

[2381] Second of all, it's not sanitary.

[2382] Your dog's got a wide open ass.

[2383] There's no diaper on it.

[2384] It's not clean.

[2385] They fart like crazy.

[2386] They don't give a shit whether or not people are right next to them.

[2387] If they have to pee, what are you going to do?

[2388] It's stupid.

[2389] It's a dumb thing.

[2390] If you're going to travel with your fucking dog, your dog should be in the luggage compartment like everybody else's dog.

[2391] That's how it's supposed to be.

[2392] It's not a person.

[2393] But if you're on with somebody that does have their dog, because it's happened, right?

[2394] Yeah, I've been next to people that had a dog.

[2395] Do you say all that to them, or do you just go, well, I love dogs?

[2396] Do you just go, I'm never going to have to sit next to this person again, so what difference does it make?

[2397] Yes, but no. In the current climate, you don't, you know, most likely you're not going to have to deal with that.

[2398] But doesn't it make you feel like Larry David, though, and you see something like that and on his show he would consistently call people out on stuff and it would just lead to these horrible arguments and these horrible interactions like don't you feel like you know you just can't police everything yes you can't police everything but I was at the fucking bookstore and this lady had a giant dog it's like a fucking great dane and I'm reading a magazine I feel a dog's nose touch my hand and I looked over and there's a fucking great dane and I go whoa and she goes don't worry he's friendly and I go, why is he here?

[2399] And she goes, he's a service dog.

[2400] I go, service dog.

[2401] I go, what is he servicing?

[2402] I go, what are you doing?

[2403] Like, you know, I'm at a fucking bookstore.

[2404] This is a 180 -pound dog.

[2405] Dog's enormous, and it's licking my hand.

[2406] Like, this lady, she's not in control of it, and I love dogs.

[2407] But that's not cool.

[2408] You should have a fucking animal you can't totally control inside a bookstore.

[2409] What she said to the service question?

[2410] She didn't answer me. Yeah, because there is no animal.

[2411] There's no answer.

[2412] She just, she went and filed the paperwork and got it anyway, even though.

[2413] We've already discussed this on the podcast, I'd know, Ozium, unfortunately.

[2414] But anybody can get one, right?

[2415] Emotional support dogs.

[2416] Yeah.

[2417] They're trying to change that law.

[2418] They're trying to change it because people have abused the shit out of it.

[2419] Yeah.

[2420] It's weird, man. People are fucking weird.

[2421] It's weird.

[2422] It's weird that anybody would think that that's okay to do.

[2423] There's a lady that's a lady that's a lady that's a lady that's a lady who comes in with this fucking dog and this dog has a wide open ass just sitting there rubbing on the ground where people drop their forks and you know drop your cell phone pick it up get dog shit on your hand even if it's microscopic amounts it's disgusting this stupid fucking thing that's farting in there and licking its own dick it's ridiculous the idea that you should be allowed to bring your fucking dog into a restaurant that shit's ridiculous unless you're alone by yourself and you're blind fuck you all right come in because it's an emotional emotional support dog that's nonsense yeah that's a good one that's really uh that's figuring out a way to rig the system they hacked the american disabilities act that's what they did they cut into the fucking the laws that are in place to help people and they realize there's a little loophole here and we can fucking bring our dogs everywhere now twots yeah they bring their poophole through the loophole fucking twots anything good to say before we're in can't have a negative like that oh yeah let's get real positive has it been three hours already sweetie Yeah, it's over.

[2424] God damn.

[2425] It's over.

[2426] It goes so fast.

[2427] It does.

[2428] It's because you're awesome.

[2429] Is that why?

[2430] You're good at this.

[2431] I listened to a podcast that you and I did a long time ago, man. I just listened to it, like, it was in the 100s.

[2432] I was looking for podcasts on my, I've got to talk to you about something.

[2433] Remind me. Okay.

[2434] After this is over.

[2435] I can't talk about it on the air, but I got to talk.

[2436] Podcast related.

[2437] Remind me. Sorry, I started listening to some just different people's podcasts.

[2438] was just going over the podcast app on my phone.

[2439] And then I found one of you and I from, and Brian, from like, fucking three or four years ago.

[2440] It was like three years ago when we were first starting out.

[2441] And I was like, wow, let me listen to this.

[2442] I didn't remember half the shit we were talking about.

[2443] We're talking about things in the news that were like a big deal.

[2444] I don't remember them at all.

[2445] I don't remember that at all.

[2446] Yeah.

[2447] It's weird.

[2448] It's weird when you go over old podcasts.

[2449] We've done so many of these long conversations.

[2450] Like, if we had to go through and recap what we talked about today, we probably, you know, would only come up, we'd miss some things, you know.

[2451] Well, it's hilarious when people come up to me and he go, dude, what was that story that you talked about in the podcast about?

[2452] There was like a Russian guy and he got in trouble.

[2453] I'm like, shit.

[2454] Yeah.

[2455] Your guest is as good as mine.

[2456] 400 fucking podcasts, son.

[2457] Which part of Russia?

[2458] Yeah, Jesus.

[2459] There's also a lot of parts where I don't even remember if this person had been a guest on one of the podcasts I've done before.

[2460] So I go up to him, I'm like, shit, how do I know this person?

[2461] Was this person on the podcast?

[2462] So I'm, like, Googling the person's name and Death Squad just to see if they come up.

[2463] Sure enough, most of the time it's like, oh, yeah, he's a member on Pointless or something.

[2464] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2465] Well, we went over that number, too.

[2466] There's that Dunbar's number.

[2467] You can only keep 150 sort of friendships in your head.

[2468] Really?

[2469] Really?

[2470] You get over 150, you're just like, there's no room.

[2471] There's no hard drive space.

[2472] Your hard drive is filled up.

[2473] And so you...

[2474] So those are the names you forget, even though they're people you like and would be happy to know their name.

[2475] When you walk up and you're just like, I don't have any.

[2476] fucking idea what you should do Doug Benson is go to Lumosity .com and learn how to enhance...

[2477] Do they have like a name game you can play?

[2478] They have a motherfucking memory enhancement situation type deal where they hook you up with games and if you use...

[2479] Well, you tell them that Joe Rogan sent you it will benefit the podcast allegedly.

[2480] They're a good sponsor though.

[2481] We like what they do.

[2482] I play the games myself.

[2483] I think it's important to work your brain and besides doing podcasts and talking about things and doing stand -up and writing things along the other.

[2484] I like I like to use my brain in a bunch of different ways.

[2485] I like to play certain games.

[2486] I think the games they have on Lomocity have a real benefit.

[2487] Tell them that Joe Rogan sent you, you freaks.

[2488] And also thanks to Squarespace .com.

[2489] If you use the code word Joe and the number 10, altogether, one word, Joe 10, you'll save 10 % of your first purchase on new accounts.

[2490] Includes monthly and annual plans, Squarespace .com.

[2491] We're also brought to you by Onet .com.

[2492] O -N -N -I -T, use the code name Rogan, save 10 % off any and all supplements.

[2493] We'll be back at least one more time this week, possibly twice.

[2494] I'm working on some shit, son, I got ions in the fire, keep it moving.

[2495] But I want to thank everybody that came out the Ontario Improv this past weekend.

[2496] I had a goddamn fantastic fucking time.

[2497] Oh, shit, I'm going to be there October 16th.

[2498] Exactly.

[2499] They had a promo for Doug Benson.

[2500] I'm been...

[2501] I told, I asked them specifically to play.

[2502] I don't like the whole clips before.

[2503] shows of other comedians thing i just think it's just uh you know there's usually not any real connection there here's another person that tells jokes that you should come pay a lot of money you see so i'm kind of against that whole thing uh but uh knowing that you were there last weekend i was like made sure that they were playing my clip because i know that uh you know the uh jo rogan fans are uh nothing if not dedicated they love you dunk bett yeah i love i love that they come to my shows.

[2504] They love Joey Diaz, too, and Joey Diaz is performing there soon, too.

[2505] Who can't love him?

[2506] And for him, they're playing the podcast where he goes off on ranch dressing.

[2507] So the whole blue cheese with wings or go fuck your mother, that rant is what they play at the beginning.

[2508] Instead of his stand -up, they just play him going off on the podcast.

[2509] They should do more of that, I think.

[2510] That's a smart move.

[2511] You know, that would have been lost if I didn't bring it up, because he told me that in private once.

[2512] Like, I heard the original one where we were just like hooters or something, and he's just like, I have a fucking rancher!

[2513] And he went off, and I was like, holy shit, ranch dressing.

[2514] It might have been lost, but it might have come back again because someone offered him ranch again.

[2515] Oh, really?

[2516] We were hanging out again, and some guy offered him ranch.

[2517] Would you like ranch with your wings?

[2518] Like, a joke.

[2519] Like, he thought it was a joke.

[2520] I wonder if he gets that now, like, people that know who he is.

[2521] Oh, I'm sure.

[2522] Yeah, they want to hear the rant in person.

[2523] I do not think this particular gentleman was trolling.

[2524] I think he was really just offering him ranch with wings.

[2525] He's like, what do you go with your wings?

[2526] And the guy was like, well, I get you some ranch, sir.

[2527] Like, he's pretty serious.

[2528] He goes, fucking ranch.

[2529] I want him fucking.

[2530] ranch and he was very mild about it he wasn't a rude guy i hate asian pussy i have october well you say what you hate and then people just start giving it to you never mind jesus christ i can i say that october 31st i'm going to be in uh san diego uh deaf squad Halloween show with sam trippily and tony hitchcliff and a bunch of surprise guests tell the name of the club oh american comedy show dot combs i'm gonna be there too in november i think like the night before thanksgiving beautiful um Next thing, I got coming up.

[2531] Those are the only plugs I'm going to do are the same place you guys have been.

[2532] October 18th, I'm in Houston at the Bayou Music Center with beautiful Tom Segura.

[2533] And then...

[2534] I'll be there in November, Houston.

[2535] Are you really?

[2536] Yeah, yeah.

[2537] What are you doing?

[2538] Hey, can you give me that driver's info?

[2539] Do you still use the same driver in Houston?

[2540] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2541] That guy's great.

[2542] Yeah.

[2543] Okay, that's it.

[2544] This fucking shows over.

[2545] Oh, November, first, second, and third.

[2546] I'll be there in December.

[2547] I'll be doing a lot of clubs lately, man. I've been doing, like, weekends at clubs.

[2548] I kind of stopped doing that for a while.

[2549] Yeah, and you're playing these.

[2550] They got a lot of these kind of, like, big clubs that are practically like playing a theater.

[2551] Yeah, but I really, like, the size of the Irvine Improv or the Ontario Improv or Brady, that shit's perfect.

[2552] Yeah, yeah.

[2553] That's what I'm really enjoying more than anything.

[2554] It's like doing these shows in front of, like, a tight group, like a club, a real club.

[2555] It feels like a club and a theater, like, in one, you know?

[2556] It's very, very good experience.

[2557] What's the right amount of people?

[2558] I like doing both.

[2559] I like mixing it up.

[2560] But, man, I'm really enjoying the shit out of doing a lot of clubs lately.

[2561] Yeah, and it's not fair when people are sitting far away from you.

[2562] It's not really, you know, they might as well just be listening to it if they can't see you, you know?

[2563] Well, there's that, and it's also you also can't totally hear everything that's going on in the room.

[2564] There's a lot of weirdness when you're in a big room when the people are laughing.

[2565] You can't keep tagging things.

[2566] You know, I've got to wait until the laughter dies down, or you can't hear what the guy's saying.

[2567] Like, I've been to – I saw Lewis Black recently, and I realized that when I was in the crowd.

[2568] I was like, oh, I can't understand what the fuck he's saying.

[2569] Like, while everyone's laughing hard.

[2570] Yeah.

[2571] All right.

[2572] Folks, we love the shit out of you, and we'll see you soon.

[2573] That's it.

[2574] The end.

[2575] Big kiss.