Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit teamco .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hi, Riley, you've caught us at a bad time.
[5] This is Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[6] Hi, Riley.
[7] How are you?
[8] Hi, guys.
[9] Kiora.
[10] I'm very good.
[11] How are you guys?
[12] We're doing well, Riley, first of all, in the order of business.
[13] Where are you right now?
[14] I am in the South Island of New Zealand in a little town called Hokotica.
[15] Hokotica.
[16] Okay.
[17] Have you heard of that?
[18] Yeah, sure.
[19] No, no one's heard of Hokitika.
[20] It's a small town.
[21] You're in a little island south of New Zealand.
[22] Wow.
[23] In South New Zealand.
[24] The South Island of New Zealand.
[25] Oh, I see.
[26] Yeah, it's, I was in the North Island for a while, but we moved to the South Island.
[27] And it's like a different country.
[28] It's absolutely amazing.
[29] It's, you know, giant mountains, nothing to kill you in the wild.
[30] Are you like, are you in Hobbit Country?
[31] It is Hobbit Country, yeah.
[32] So it's, it's the majority of Lord of the Rings was filmed in the South Island.
[33] Now I know where you are.
[34] Okay, that's, I mean, that's extraordinary.
[35] I know that Peter Jackson shot the movies in New Zealand, but that's an incredible countryside where you live.
[36] Just beautiful, gorgeous.
[37] It is so beautiful.
[38] And I basically live in a Hobbit house.
[39] I live in a container house, which is 40 feet, and I'm quite hairy, so you could call me Frode Baggins if you like that.
[40] Wait a minute.
[41] Riley, let's back up the bus just a second.
[42] You said you live in a container house.
[43] What's a container house?
[44] So it's a container, a 40 -foot container, like a shipping container that's been converted very slightly.
[45] It's quite rough into a house.
[46] So we all live in like one bedroom.
[47] We poop into a bucket.
[48] Oh.
[49] Wait a minute.
[50] Who's we all?
[51] Who's we all?
[52] The poop club.
[53] Well, it's myself, my beautiful wife.
[54] We've married eight years today.
[55] Oh, yay.
[56] I'm not going to celebrate this marriage until I find out a little more.
[57] Fair enough.
[58] I'm not going to yay.
[59] You're in a shipping container, dude.
[60] Now, you live in a shipping container that you say is 40, 40 feet?
[61] 40 feet.
[62] By what?
[63] Yeah, 40 feet.
[64] It's small.
[65] It's small.
[66] And we got four dogs and two beautiful children, six -year -old and a three -year -old girl.
[67] They're both girls.
[68] And they're my world.
[69] But it does.
[70] No, I'm sorry.
[71] Your world is a shipping container.
[72] That's what your world is, Riley.
[73] I've got a very, I've got a wife that's real understanding.
[74] You know, I'm six for three, two hundred and eighty pounds.
[75] Oh my God.
[76] I can fit in this house.
[77] there's a doorway that I'm getting a little chubby around my tummy at the moment.
[78] I used to be a lot more ripped.
[79] And then I can fit in this doorway just if I move sideways.
[80] And that gives me to the toilet.
[81] So it's motivation for me to keep slim.
[82] The toilet is a bucket.
[83] It's a beautiful bucket, though.
[84] It's orange.
[85] I'm sorry.
[86] It's my favorite color.
[87] You sold me. Yeah.
[88] Does it flush and have plumbing?
[89] Is it just?
[90] No. It doesn't.
[91] It's a compostable toilet.
[92] it.
[93] And every second day, you know, we put sawdust once we've done our business, then every second day, we take it out into the bush and pour it into a big area where all our stuff lay.
[94] And then we can use that as compost.
[95] So if you ever come over, Conan, you can eat some of our beautiful fruit and vegetables that's made from our feces.
[96] Wow Maybe the nicest offer I've had in many a year If you'd like to join me in my small box You can eat from our shit Says Riley Riley I'm sorry Is the bucket I hate to get too graphic But is the bucket inside the shipping container Because there's no amount of song dust in the world I mean what are you talking about You're in a small 40 foot by six foot trailer and you're pooping into a bucket.
[97] Yeah.
[98] I'm sorry.
[99] Now I'm depressing him.
[100] Did you not realize?
[101] It's the high life.
[102] Is there a separated room?
[103] There is a little room divider for the room?
[104] It is a little room.
[105] Yes.
[106] I, there is a little, so what we've got is there's a little, so there's a bucket, there's a toilet seat, and then there is a hole that has a fan on it that blows all the bad air out.
[107] So it's not that bad.
[108] It's not the worst thing in the world.
[109] And like I said, it's not having acid put into your empty eye socket.
[110] You're right.
[111] It's not the worst thing in the world.
[112] But it's right next to it.
[113] Because I have a list here of the worst things in the world.
[114] And acid in the eye socket is, you're right, is one worse than poop bucket in a container in a very hot environment.
[115] Riley, and you say your wife is, you're okay with this life.
[116] Did she accept this life right away or did it take a while for her to acquiesce?
[117] She's Scottish, so she's very frugal.
[118] So she wants to save money.
[119] She's used to living in a shitty environment.
[120] Everyone in Scotland immediately is like, yeah, if it's between Scotland or a shithole, I guess I'd take the shithole.
[121] Come on she saves money on power.
[122] and water and fertilizer.
[123] So those three things are saved.
[124] So she's very, very happy.
[125] I mean, last time I spoke to her about it, she was happy about it.
[126] But eight years' marriage, you know, I must be doing something right.
[127] Yes, I don't mean to, and I'm just going to say this, a shit on your life.
[128] In any way, because you seem like a happy person and I'm sure it's a nice situation, but I just think having all these, it sounds like you have a lot of animals too, in addition to children, and it's a very confined space.
[129] So do you ask, do people take turns using the house and then other people go outside?
[130] It basically, we just a very close family.
[131] We stayed in a bigger house for a little while, and I always thought we didn't communicate as much as we did if we're in each other's face.
[132] Now, it's a little bit, you know, we do have to rub shoulders with each other quite regularly, but and when my daughters grow older you know when they're only six and three now when they grow older we might have some issues but for now Riley you are going to have issues where are they now I imagine they're just right off screen yeah I'm actually in my little camper van outside the front of my house so it's a little crappy camper van and they're inside I've banished them to the container oh so you're not in the container right now no no I'm also got a house bus down we've got five acres so which is two two and a half hectares so we've got a house bus on the property that you will stay in when you come karnan and sona and matt it's beautiful it's got its own bucket we don't shear bucket so it's got a oh so i don't have to bring a bucket i love that because whenever i put my shit bucket in the overhead compartment on delta they just they get all in my face i thought they would excuse me sir i'm like hey it's my shit bucket yeah you should have emptied it first before you tried to It was late to get to the flight.
[133] I didn't want to miss it.
[134] You do that every second day.
[135] It was an off day.
[136] Yeah, it was an off day.
[137] Okay, so Riley, what do you do for a living?
[138] How does one, I mean, obviously, you don't have to make a lot since your fertilizer, water, and food is free.
[139] But still, what is your, what do you do?
[140] A combination of things.
[141] So we moved down here from Oakland to live more simply, as you can tell, by where we live.
[142] And we run a swim school.
[143] You nailed that a long time ago.
[144] So you run a swim school.
[145] We run a swim school.
[146] I teach children guitar and I run an anime podcast called the anime dad podcast where I have one Patreon.
[147] So that's bringing us $2 a month in as well.
[148] So we've got a combination of things.
[149] Are you interested in anime that I imagine?
[150] Yeah.
[151] Yeah.
[152] I mean, I am.
[153] I love it.
[154] I absolutely love it.
[155] Are you an artist?
[156] Do you do you, do you, create anime or you an artist yourself i do draw yeah for sure um a lot of a lot of different things but but no anime is just something right now that you drew i believe this is what you would like conan to be as a cosplay character is that right yeah who is that red riot yeah that'll be it's called his name is red riot kiroshima what he does his body gets hard oh you bet it does you bet it does and yes you have captured me perfectly so he has like a full body erection what do you mean it gets hard.
[157] He has a full body erection and that's how he fights off villains.
[158] So it's a kid's show.
[159] Because no villain wants to get him.
[160] Every villain's like, whoa!
[161] Whoa!
[162] All right, dude.
[163] That's a bit much even for me. Come on, Sonny.
[164] That's from my hero, academia.
[165] That's exactly you.
[166] I do.
[167] I do, you know, take pretty good care.
[168] The old carriage.
[169] Yeah.
[170] I can see that bicep popping when you're lifting that teacup up there.
[171] Oh, man. You're not seeing the half of it, dude.
[172] That's a cool character.
[173] You're, that's, you are talented.
[174] That's a very good drawing.
[175] That's very good.
[176] Yeah, I'm going to say I drew that.
[177] Yep, I did.
[178] That's great.
[179] Oh, you didn't.
[180] You didn't.
[181] That's okay.
[182] I can probably draw that if you, if you'd like me to.
[183] But no, you are a human embodiment of an anime character.
[184] You've got the hair, you've got the good looks.
[185] You've got the muscle.
[186] You've got the average size penis.
[187] You know, it's a combination of...
[188] You know, it's all proportional, Riley.
[189] It's all proportional.
[190] So, yes.
[191] Normal size, but then so big that it can often appear at a quick glance.
[192] What?
[193] Okay.
[194] Listen, Riley, I'm just kidding.
[195] Of course, massive.
[196] The old Anaconda!
[197] Listen, Riley, I'm saying listen because I don't know what to say next.
[198] You live very simply, as Thoreau told us, too.
[199] Thoreau told us that we should live very simple lives.
[200] Yeah.
[201] And you've done that, and you say it's brought you much happiness.
[202] I'm not sure if I go home to my wife tonight and say I'd talk to my pal Riley, and he seems to have found true happiness.
[203] Would you come with me to, you know, this house pass?
[204] This small 40 -foot container and we'll bring a bucket.
[205] I'm not sure that she would go with it, but it does feel like you're on to something, yes?
[206] It's great.
[207] We're surrounded by animals.
[208] We've got 70 chickens.
[209] couple of ponies.
[210] We've got parrots.
[211] We've got goats, turtles, and the children, you know, we're in the bush, so we're quite hidden away from people, which is okay.
[212] Do you miss?
[213] Do you miss people?
[214] Or do the parrot?
[215] Do you talk to the parrots?
[216] The parrots are like, you're crazy.
[217] You're crazy.
[218] You're living in a container.
[219] Where are you insane?
[220] What's so?
[221] My wife is my wife is my best friend.
[222] So she's all I need.
[223] She really is.
[224] She's my best friend.
[225] She's my everything and my children.
[226] So that's all I need.
[227] But we do have a lot of people.
[228] You know, most of our town is old, but they are, you know, most of them do think anime is a type of sushi, but they are lovely people overall.
[229] You know, they seem to help one another.
[230] And have you been to New Zealand at all kind of?
[231] I've not been to New Zealand and I want to go.
[232] I very much want to.
[233] to go.
[234] Seriously.
[235] Yeah, I'd like to go.
[236] A good friend of mine was in New Zealand recently for a job and said it was absolutely lovely, so I'd love to see it.
[237] You'll fit in really, really well.
[238] You'll fit in really, really well because they like, you know, Gandalf, and you're probably the size of Gandalf, the height of Gandalf from the World of Wings.
[239] Wait, you're saying they'll like me because I'm tall like Gandalf.
[240] Now, Gandalf the gray or the original Gandalf or Gandalf the gray?
[241] Or Gandalf the White Gand Off the Grey or Gend off the White See, I know my Movies I'd say based on your complexion Gandalf the White Yes That's kind of a no brainer But that's the That's like the more ascendant one right Shall not pass Yeah that's good Right I could do that Talk to Ian McKellen many times You do that really really well Yeah no you just fit in beautifully So in New Zealand Lord of the Rings is not all we have But it's yeah it is Riley It's the first thing people think is Lord of the Ricks It is And then did they shoot Zina Warrior Princess there I think they I think they did Yeah I think they did But they shoot a lot of things What did you ask about Zina?
[242] I don't know I'm kind of have a thing for Okay but she's not there anymore One of those 90s crushes You know okay But I don't think she's there anymore She's in the container actually Oh What?
[243] Yeah.
[244] Everyone's in a container.
[245] When you talk about there's a town that has regular houses, right?
[246] Not that yours isn't a regular house, but it's not.
[247] When you go into town, there are little homes and shops and things.
[248] There are.
[249] Yeah.
[250] So my town of Hokotica, that's where we run the swim school.
[251] We run it in a pool, not in a lake or the ocean.
[252] So there's a pool there in town.
[253] And it is, yeah, a bunch of lovely people.
[254] You know, we all look after each other, look out for each other.
[255] I think there's about 3 ,000, 4 ,000 people.
[256] And I'm originally from, as you can hear from my voice, this is not the Kiwi accent that you'd expect.
[257] It's, I'm South African originally.
[258] And we moved to New Zealand.
[259] So, um, is there a movie, is there a movie theater in town?
[260] Is there a movie theater?
[261] There is.
[262] And it's, it's a lovely old theater that, that's got, uh, someone jumps on a pedal bike to start the projector.
[263] No, it's an old theater and it's, it's, um, it's, um, it's like an old where they used to do like musicals and stuff like that.
[264] So yeah, it's quite beautiful.
[265] What about, uh, what about medical?
[266] If there's a medical emergency, uh, do you have to be flown to another island?
[267] I'm just trying to find out how rural this is.
[268] Medical emergency, there's a hospital half an hour away.
[269] So as long as you've got half an hour to spare in your medical emergency, you're not going to die.
[270] So a hospital half an hour away, we're actually going to a place called, Christ Church today for a bit of a weekend getaway for our anniversary and that is three hours away and that's a bigger city.
[271] So Christ Church is similar to Auckland, which you may have heard of.
[272] So it's a bigger city.
[273] We're going to eat McDonald's, you know, flush our toilets, do stuff that we don't usually do here, which is quite special.
[274] You better after eat McDonald's.
[275] Yeah.
[276] I remember when it was my anniversary and I told my wife, I'm taking to McDonald's.
[277] I didn't go over.
[278] Didn't really go over with her.
[279] See, that's, my bar is really low.
[280] No, but that's what the genius of what you're doing, Riley, is that by living in this container, it's incredible.
[281] When you say we're going to go out and eat a McNugget, everybody just lights up.
[282] Yeah.
[283] It's fantastic.
[284] They do.
[285] There's not much, like, literally I could say to my daughter, they go into the house that we're staying at.
[286] They flush the toilet and they can stay there for two, three hours, just having fun flushing a toilet.
[287] It's like they're going to a, it's like time travel.
[288] It's time travel.
[289] You're right.
[290] It's very, very special.
[291] They must really flip out when they, I mean, imagine if watching a toilet flush is exciting, then you get to go see a movie.
[292] Wow.
[293] That's incredible.
[294] That's incredible.
[295] You're like, wow, I'll see it top that toilet flush I just made.
[296] You know what I mean?
[297] It's incredible.
[298] It's one step above.
[299] Yeah, toilet flush and then movie.
[300] But Conan, are you an anime watcher?
[301] I heard, because you look like an anime character.
[302] I suspect you watch a couple of.
[303] I've watched some Studio Ghibli.
[304] Does that count?
[305] I've been watching some Studio Ghibli because my daughter's a big fan of anime and Studio Ghibli and she's been showing me these different movies and I love it.
[306] I've been watching a lot of that with my daughter.
[307] Yeah, they're terrific.
[308] They're so beautifully made.
[309] Hand, I think drawn by hand.
[310] They're really gorgeous.
[311] They are gorgeous, for sure.
[312] What was that?
[313] You have to look like a doctor that just looked at my chart.
[314] She would like Pokemon as well.
[315] I interviewed the voice actor for Ash Ketchum.
[316] for Pokemon she's a woman and she's name dropper Ronica Taylor my best friend is no I'm not gonna name you up more but I this is just you're insufferable Riley now you've gone totally Hollywood on me you know sure I know some people too Riley he flushes one toilet this guy I get excited talking to people I don't like I have a question I have a question how do you even know about us you're living out in the wilds, are you a regular listener of the podcast and you listen through like a coconut?
[317] What's happening?
[318] I'm serious.
[319] I've got to wind up radio.
[320] No, I listen.
[321] I watched you on TV when you were a little bit younger.
[322] That's why you fled civilization.
[323] If I have to watch Conan one more time.
[324] Now I fled.
[325] I don't have television.
[326] I'll just listen to this simple podcast.
[327] Oh, no, it's him again.
[328] He won't find me out here.
[329] He can't find me out here.
[330] Do you listen to the podcast at all?
[331] I love the podcast.
[332] Sona, Matt, you guys are incredible.
[333] Conan, you're the Kingpin.
[334] You guys work together so beautifully and so well.
[335] And you make my day and make me smile every single day.
[336] I probably rewatched your episodes so regularly.
[337] I could speak like you if I wanted to, but I'm not going to try.
[338] No, don't.
[339] It would just make me feel bad about the way I sound.
[340] Riley, listen to me. I'm proud of you.
[341] I'm going to say this because you have gone out into an extreme situation and you've made it work.
[342] And I think to quote, I believe it was Emerson who said simplify, simplify, simplify, keep it simple.
[343] I think it's cool.
[344] Are you living off your land too?
[345] Like you pick all your food and you kill your animals?
[346] I'm sorry.
[347] Oh, I kill them, I kill them for fun.
[348] No, I do kill them regularly.
[349] You don't even eat them.
[350] You just kill, you massacre chickens and then bury them in a mass grave.
[351] I like to watch them suffer.
[352] No, I, I regularly.
[353] You're pulled pot to chickens.
[354] Just a big wine.
[355] I eat my chickens.
[356] I eat my goats.
[357] I go out hunting.
[358] There's deer in the bush.
[359] And I go out hunting for those things.
[360] We grow a bunch of veggies out of our feces, like I said before.
[361] Okay, you don't have to keep bringing that up.
[362] Don't bring that up when people are eating either, okay?
[363] Hey, that's from my feces.
[364] You know, you don't want to bring that up.
[365] No. Not at the table.
[366] No. Okay, good point.
[367] But no, we are self -sufficient in many ways.
[368] We're solar -powered.
[369] So we're powered by the sun, which is challenging in a small town that has not much sunshine.
[370] There's a little bit of rain here now and again.
[371] But, yeah, we're solar -powered.
[372] We're on Starlink.
[373] So Elon Musk is my best friend.
[374] I'm going to name drop that as well.
[375] Oh, good.
[376] That won't make you any enemies.
[377] Hey, I don't know if you get the news much where you are, Riley.
[378] But you might want to ease up.
[379] Name drop the Pokemon character a little more than Elon.
[380] You see Pokemon?
[381] Did he say Pokemon?
[382] He certainly did.
[383] He said Pokemon.
[384] That's Pokemon.
[385] Oh, my God.
[386] I've heard it both ways.
[387] No, you haven't, Riley.
[388] Thanks, Riley.
[389] Thanks for covering.
[390] Oh, and don't act like you've never heard someone say Pokeyman.
[391] I was born in Alabama.
[392] We call it Pokeyman.
[393] How do you think Pokemon's like about?
[394] Pokemon met Pokey Woman.
[395] Yeah.
[396] And they made Pokemon.
[397] Exactly.
[398] Thank you.
[399] You're welcome.
[400] Finally.
[401] Well, listen, Riley, it was wonderful talking to you.
[402] And I would love to get out your way some time.
[403] I may come in a helicopter, and it may be a helicopter that's quite large and has just a massive bathroom in it.
[404] Air conditioning.
[405] a wet bar and a dining room and I'll stay for 10 minutes but but I'm definitely coming okay Riley okay that's great I'll make the bed for you now but yeah it's it's been a real privilege you guys are incredible at what you do I love you with all my heart and all I need from you is to say I love you back maybe all three of you can say I love you Riley I can sure one two three I love you, Riley.
[406] That's made my anniversary.
[407] Thank you very much for that.
[408] We haven't had the quarter pounder with cheese yet.
[409] Oh, that's for the 10 -year, friend.
[410] That's for the 10 -year.
[411] Today, it's just fries and a Diet Coke.
[412] All right, Riley, you take care.
[413] Bye -bye.
[414] Thank you so much.
[415] Bye, guys.
[416] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[417] With Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[418] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[419] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[420] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
[421] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.
[422] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.
[423] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.
[424] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
[425] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[426] This has been a Team Coco production in association with ECOCO.
[427] Oh!