#1715 - Jessica Kirson

[0] Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.

[1] The Joe Rogan experience.

[2] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

[3] Why the fuck would anybody interrupt your show to do that?

[4] Because they're crazy.

[5] That is such a dumb thing to do.

[6] I know.

[7] Interrupt a performance to move a bottle off a stool.

[8] Yeah.

[9] Like as if someone's at home going, well, I was enjoying a performance.

[10] She was very funny.

[11] Yeah.

[12] But that bottle.

[13] Right.

[14] I mean, there would have been millions of people who would have been upset about the bottle so it makes sense was it a product placement thing was there a label on the no it just was bothering someone that there was a bottle in the way oh my god this is why it's a problem when you have executives and too many cooks in the kitchen I agree completely I was so pissed I literally went to the microphone and said I'm gonna fucking kill myself that was what I said they should have left the whole thing in like the person coming on the stage taking off the bottle and showing like what other art form would be disrespected like that yeah could you imagine Eric Clapton in the middle of a solo performance and someone comes out and moves a bottle yeah fuck are you doing up here right why are you here because we're just animals we're clowns they just literally and it's scared the shit out of me by the way because I'm so traumatized and like I'm physically a traumatized person so when my manager tap my back I'm in the middle performing in front of a fucking crowd I mean think about it you're on stage and you feel someone's hand on you I was like am I going to be raped what is happening what is happening the fact that they chose to do it in the middle of your performance five minutes in and I was killing that's so crazy killing that's so crazy and tap you on the shoulder right not even yell out to you Jesse we're going to start no I felt a hand on me oh my god what if you died what if you had a fucking heart attack and drop it right there.

[15] I would have, my kids would have been set for life.

[16] Actually, that would have been a great thing if that happened.

[17] Maybe.

[18] Comedy Central probably has some good lawyers.

[19] Right?

[20] Isn't that Viacom?

[21] It would have been a great story.

[22] Think about it.

[23] I mean, I was right about to, you know, things were going great at that point in my career.

[24] Motherfuckers.

[25] Yeah.

[26] God.

[27] Oh.

[28] Yeah.

[29] I know.

[30] And I literally was just like, I'm going to fucking kill myself.

[31] This business is horrific.

[32] I was doing a special once and I always do my specials with the same director.

[33] He's a very good friend of mine.

[34] I've known him forever.

[35] And we do all the specials together.

[36] But one special he could not do because he had a previous engagement.

[37] There's no way he could cancel it.

[38] So we brought in someone else.

[39] And this, we told the guy exactly how we wanted to do it.

[40] Like keep it like a comedy club, make it very dark in there.

[41] And then, you know, we, like, he was like, what about crowd shots?

[42] I'm like, we're not going to use them.

[43] Don't worry about it.

[44] I don't like seeing people's faces.

[45] They're like, what about for editing?

[46] I'm like, we're not going to do that.

[47] Don't worry about it.

[48] In the middle of my performance, this motherfucker turns the lights up.

[49] Oh, my God.

[50] He's turning the lights up more and more.

[51] And my manager has to go back and yell at him.

[52] What the fuck are you doing?

[53] He's like, we've got to see the crowd.

[54] He fucking told you to keep.

[55] And then after all this shit is over, after all it's over, we're done.

[56] I'm like, okay, fine, we're fine.

[57] He's like, I think we should do this in black and white.

[58] I'm like, get the fuck away from me. The fuck away from me. me subtitles he's got a trucker hat on he's like really think we should make this in black yeah he's clever yeah then they're like can you do the material over i'm like are you out of your mind oh my god no oh my god can you do the material over no hate clown do you know that juggling thing you did juggle again juggle again clown actually burr did one of his best specials in black and white i'm not shitting on black and white specials but that this guy's artistic jizz that he wanted to throw into the soup was to turn my special black and white like this was his goofy fucking idea but there's a lot let's make it like a western kind of thing maybe you should wear chaps i bet he talk like that no it's like a regular guy oh it's just you know what everyone's always trying to like first of all if you're not a comic and you don't have a long history of studying and appreciating stand -up comedy specials you don't know what you're you're just filming something right you might be filming a sketch you might be filming a television show you're just filming something and it happens to be someone doing stand -up if you're not really into stand -up or if you don't really study stand -up comedy specials but if you do you recognize that what you're trying to emulate for the people at home is a version of what it would be like to be in that audience so what I always say is when you're watching a comedy show at home you get maybe 60 or 70 percent of what you would be get if you were there you're missing a giant piece of like the interaction with the audience the feel right the energy yeah for sure so anytime you add more shit to that you just fuck it up you just keep fucking it up and you keep fucking it up yeah it's as simple as possible is the best like louis k does his specials he's just standing there you know it's like a fucking regular oh jesus i was worried i was going to spill whiskey over here oh boy and And he just stands there and it's just, there's nothing special about his backdrop.

[59] There's nothing special about the stage.

[60] Like some of his best specials, you see like curtains and like fucking wires and shit.

[61] It doesn't matter.

[62] Yeah.

[63] It doesn't matter.

[64] You're watching a comic just like you would be if you were in the theater.

[65] Yeah.

[66] I agree.

[67] I mean, less is better with specials.

[68] Yeah.

[69] It was a nightmare.

[70] And then, of course, because it was on Comedy Central, it was on once.

[71] This is the thing.

[72] Everyone was like, the fact that you can't get a special.

[73] is fucking crazy.

[74] And I agreed.

[75] I am very humble, but the fact that I couldn't get a special was insane.

[76] Thank you.

[77] That's very sweet.

[78] Thank you.

[79] So Bill called me and was like, I'm producing your special.

[80] I'm like, great.

[81] Thank you.

[82] I mean, it was just insane.

[83] So then they put it on once.

[84] Like all that material I worked on for years.

[85] It was on one time.

[86] And there's probably on the Comedy Central app now?

[87] Right.

[88] Who goes on that?

[89] There's like five people on that.

[90] They're downloading South Park right now.

[91] now for a plane trip that the problem with all these fucking apps and streaming services it's like there's so many of them and they all cost like 10 bucks right how many of them you're going to have if you have a hulu and you got Disney and you got ESPN plus and HBO max what the fuck else are you going to get no one watched it Netflix you're not going to keep buying them right not no one seven people watch my special the only one that's free I think is Amazon right isn't Amazon Prime isn't that free you have to have a subscription to Amazon and it's included with that but but does amazon cost money amazon prime subscription yeah yeah yeah they all cost money same thing it's like 10 bucks a month or oh is it yeah hmm they all cost money so yeah so how many are you gonna sign up for if you're a person that's you know you're trying to watch your budget like i i have a lot of friends that just have Netflix nothing else they have a internet connection and Netflix that's their whole if it's not on Netflix they don't watch it yeah Yeah, people are like, how can I find your special?

[92] I'm like, don't worry about it.

[93] You can't.

[94] Don't even want it.

[95] Why doesn't someone like bootleg it and put it up on YouTube?

[96] I cut it into clips.

[97] I was like, I don't even care if this is legal or not.

[98] I'm fucking cutting it up and I'm putting it out.

[99] And I did.

[100] You should pretend somebody else did it.

[101] I mean, someone else.

[102] Could you take out that part?

[103] Someone else cut it up.

[104] You know, the thing is like a lot of comics have had great success just making their own specials and put it on YouTube.

[105] And the amount of views that, like Joe List, his new special has five million views.

[106] I saw that.

[107] It's fucking amazing.

[108] Yeah.

[109] It's amazing because he would have been in a similar situation to you.

[110] Had he gone and brought that same special to Comedy Central, it probably would air once or twice, and that's a wrap.

[111] And then maybe, how many people?

[112] 100 ,000, a couple hundred thousand would have seen it if you're lucky.

[113] I don't even think that many, Joe.

[114] I'm not kidding.

[115] I don't think so either.

[116] When you see the ratings today for, like, cable shows, it's crazy.

[117] Like, everybody's been suck.

[118] up by the internet.

[119] The internet has consumed most people's viewing time.

[120] Yeah, the next one I'm doing on my own in like six months.

[121] I've been thinking about doing the same.

[122] You should.

[123] Are you kidding?

[124] Yeah.

[125] But my worry is if you do something controversial and it's on YouTube and then YouTube decides to pull it down.

[126] Because YouTube's been censoring things like crazy.

[127] I know.

[128] That's the new thing now.

[129] Yeah.

[130] It's insane.

[131] It's insane.

[132] It's like they just decide to censor things based on ideology or based on what they think you know it could be like what the current science is like for the longest time if you had a video on that talked about the lab leak hypothesis like facebook would just remove it they would just take it down but now now that's the primary hypothesis about how covid got leaked it's from a lab it's the most scientists believe that now but if you went back a year ago when this was all going on and especially when trump was president nobody believed it everybody was like this is a terrible dangerous conspiracy theory and if you have this up we're going to delete things and so they're doing that with all kinds of stuff on on youtube and it's not just having to do with COVID it's having to do with all kinds of things in politics and anything where they find that what you're doing doesn't fit into their narrow rigid box of what's acceptable yeah isn't there a way for you to do it not on YouTube for free I don't know not as effectively I mean I could put it on vimeo i could put it on there's a bunch of other what does that one bumblebee what is that one bumblebee isn't that a that's a dating website that's tuna rumble yeah all right bumblebee tuna is it bum bum bum i'm so out of it oh yeah i love that song yeah we're old oh yeah i love that song that's an amazing i used to hear it on the radio it got me excited harvey and i used to dance to that in the kitchen There's Rumble and Odyssey is another one Odyssey Vimeo's good Yeah Vimeo's good But the thing is like In terms of traffic No one can fuck with YouTube With you especially I feel like they would go right to that special And look at it And be like I don't know Yeah maybe Maybe they'd be like With comics I don't know They're on us Like flies on shit right now Well we're in this weird class of humans That are allowed to talk shit and we can say things that we don't really mean that are like completely the opposite of what you're supposed to be allowed to say I know yeah we're just talking out of our asses we're doing it because the same the same reason I always say like when Quentin Tarantino has someone murdered in a movie that's not real right no one really died right Bob Marley didn't shoot the sheriff we're not really saying what we're saying we're saying it because it's a funny thing to say I know I have a joke that I took ecstasy and motorboated my Aunt Sheila and people moan in the audience I'm like do you really think that I motorboated my aunt like it's so a lot of people are like Googling motorboating I'm like no I didn't right no I didn't put my face in my aunt's tits that's what I go but you know I didn't do it you believe everything I'm saying like they just believe everything it's comedy right yeah it's all an exaggeration but this thing this art form has been around for a long time in the same way like where people talked shit and they said crazy things that everybody knew but somewhere along the line over the last like i don't know how many years people decide to try to take it literally just to attack people well everyone's gotten really serious that's what's happened they got people are really they're not silly yeah most people are not silly there's a lot of bad comedians that turn into social commentators i know stunning it's stunning how transparent it is and how what what astounding lack of self -awareness they're exhibiting.

[133] Isn't it scary?

[134] Do you ever, I don't think you do this, but I've sat at some clubs and just like given people a chance.

[135] I'm not kidding.

[136] I've sat with a couple of my friends and been like, let's just try and just sit and watch.

[137] Because I laugh at a lot of comics, but sometimes I've been like, this person gets a lot of laughs and I don't get it.

[138] So let me just sit and try to understand what's going on.

[139] And I don't understand.

[140] understand why the crowd is laughing at what they're saying.

[141] But I've come to realize that I think a lot of it is confidence and they're a salesperson.

[142] And even though the jokes are, there's nothing there and it's like really just clever and just, you know, kind of like a monologue.

[143] They're good salespeople.

[144] Well, you can't hate people for charisma.

[145] Right.

[146] My concern is not even them.

[147] My concern is there's a lot of people on the sidelines that are talking crazy amounts of shit.

[148] And they're terrible They're just they're terrible They're not good at the art form Oh yeah They're not good at it And they want to criticize people Who are touring You shouldn't be touring It's a pandemic They want to criticize people Well that I That made me crazy Yeah sorry I have four children And when people were When I decided that I needed to go out and work In a safe way And people were saying stuff like that I got really pissed And who were those people?

[149] but was it Chris Rock?

[150] Was it, was it Louis C .K?

[151] It was Bruce Valanche.

[152] No, I'm joking.

[153] It's people that don't work anyway.

[154] No, right.

[155] It was very upsetting.

[156] I don't feel that I have the right to judge anyone for anything they do.

[157] I mean, that's my decision.

[158] And I'm, and, you know, for anyone to judge me when I need to work or when I'm going to work, whatever, that's what I need to do.

[159] You know, I support my family.

[160] And I had to get out and start working.

[161] I had to.

[162] Yeah.

[163] These are also where people a lot of times that didn't have kids.

[164] that don't have a family.

[165] And, yeah, it usually was people who weren't working a lot.

[166] Yeah.

[167] Who didn't, you know, weren't on the road.

[168] What it is is there was a time where everybody's life was shit and everything shut down.

[169] And then when people started going back, the people whose lives were always shit were like, no, no, no, we all stay in this together.

[170] There was this thing where they didn't want everything to go back to normal.

[171] And some of them publicly declared it.

[172] some of the shittiest people online publicly were declaring that they don't want things to go back to normal because what they're dealing with is like this overwhelming anxiety they're you know this chosen profession is not bearing fruit they're in this position where they know it's never really going to work out but yet they're kind of working sort of and then they're just shitting on people that are getting out of this slump and moving on with their lives yeah i don't get it it's like it's okay for you and you can choose whatever you want.

[173] And if you want to stay home, I totally respect that.

[174] But what does that have to do with me in my life?

[175] Well, now you're talking like a rational person.

[176] Right.

[177] Why is someone judging me for my choices?

[178] I don't judge anyone for their choices.

[179] I don't get it.

[180] I'm a big fan of judging people for their choices.

[181] It's fun.

[182] No, I'm serious.

[183] I have to.

[184] I judge them.

[185] I just don't.

[186] I don't attack them publicly.

[187] No, I'm saying that, but I think that's what I'm saying.

[188] Of course I judge people but like I would never publicly say about another comic like it's like you know if someone decides to stay home great if they decide to go out like I just it's not it's not I just didn't think it was appropriate to go and be like how dare you go out and start working you know I I got also I got extra defensive about it because I not only support four kids but I have a child with a heart disease I don't even know if you know that my five and a half year old has severe heart disease and you know we have medical bills i deal with a lot of stuff and i had i had to get out and work like these people don't know people have their own experiences yeah you know you don't know other people's stories and i had people say shit to me like in new york when i saw them eventually like i can't believe you went out and worked i can't believe you got on planes what the fuck are you talking about you don't know my story you don't know the bills i have or what i need to do they're so convenient when someone's single and they don't have any real obligation.

[189] Exactly.

[190] That's what I'm trying to say.

[191] Yeah.

[192] Yeah.

[193] And after a while, it's like, you know, we've got to move on, kids.

[194] We got to move on.

[195] We got to move on.

[196] You got to move on with life.

[197] Like, you know, it's been almost two years.

[198] It's time to keep rolling.

[199] Well, some of us have to move on.

[200] I mean, you know, I mean, I'm, I'm incredibly careful myself, but I have to move on you know have you seen those uh helmets that you can get oh my god what kind of helmet there's a helmet that you can get there's like a hepa filter it's it's cinches tight around your neck you look like a space alien i want to fan in it we know what the hell is that actually reggie got a better maybe somebody got a better i mean i'll die go to the instagram i'm dying to see what this helmet looks like reggie wats was the one that told me about this and he actually wore it flying it's hilarious it's you it's like a motorcycle I'm already laughing.

[201] It's amazing.

[202] Let's look at a video of it because Reggie, this is actually, oh, this is new one?

[203] Yeah, yeah.

[204] Oh, my God.

[205] Holy shit.

[206] The new one's actually more disturbing.

[207] Reggie's so crazy.

[208] Look, he's playing music and shit.

[209] Oh, my God.

[210] Is that real, though?

[211] Is that what that is?

[212] Yeah, yeah.

[213] That's what it's for.

[214] Yeah, yeah.

[215] But that one...

[216] There's a video I'm talking with it.

[217] I thought that's what it was going to be.

[218] Okay, but that one you can see...

[219] God, he looks better with it.

[220] There it is.

[221] Wait.

[222] When talking with it.

[223] I just wanted to let you know, I finally got this mask that I ordered like, I don't know, six months ago.

[224] He's a fucking superhero, look at him, maybe.

[225] He's a Avenger.

[226] He's a Venger.

[227] And I guess it's called the Vanta.

[228] What is it?

[229] Venta, or Venta, sorry, Vinta, RS1 in black.

[230] It's cool.

[231] It's got a little filter on the bottom.

[232] And it's actually really comfortable, really easy to take on enough.

[233] Caboom Pretty cool Anyways Yeah, I like it I don't know how steam it'll get in there But it does have anti -fogging And it really does seem to work So yeah, pretty cool All right Well, he had another one though Back at the one that we have out there We bought two of them Those are more complicated They actually have fans in them That keep it from steaming up And it covers your entire head Like a space helmet Wow.

[234] And, you know, he was flying on planes with this fucking thing on.

[235] It's cinches tight on your neck.

[236] So, like, nothing's getting in there.

[237] Like, you literally could go to a COVID ward and start dancing, like, those TikTok nurses, and you're good.

[238] Yeah, that one looked, I mean, it's cool, but it looked like you would get suffolk, I felt suffocated.

[239] It's sketchy.

[240] Yeah.

[241] Yeah, it's a fucking superhero helmet.

[242] That's like, yeah.

[243] Yeah, here it is.

[244] There's the other one.

[245] Here it is.

[246] About these sorts of masks, you know, like some kind of.

[247] or something like that but uh it's it's really fun it's cool it doesn't fog up get out into more light you hear the fan yeah yeah it's got a fan about that you charge it but uh yeah so it's pretty comfortable um it looks like it i have to grab my groceries do you know reggie yeah i mean i don't know him well i've met him but i think he's brilliant he's brilliant yeah he's a brilliant human like a brilliant artist brilliant musician but just a brilliant human.

[248] It's super unusual person.

[249] Yeah, I love people like that.

[250] I don't know anybody like Reggie.

[251] I love people like that.

[252] No, I do too.

[253] Yeah.

[254] So he's the guy.

[255] If you want to find out about COVID masks.

[256] He's taking shit to a whole new level.

[257] Yeah.

[258] I mean, that's what I, it's like anything anyone wants to do, go for it.

[259] Yeah.

[260] Well, if you could travel with that thing on, I mean, who's going to knock you?

[261] I wonder if you can actually do sets with that on.

[262] I bet you could get a. mic in that bitch right and when you would you'd be on stage like a spaceman like if he came to doing stand up with a mask on or never doing stand up at all I would do stand up with that fucking helmet on are you kidding of course and an outfit yeah how much time did you take off from I didn't I'm crazy you just did perform the whole time I took a little time off and then I did Zoom shows I can't I can't take a lot of time off because I'll go out of my mind I'm like an animal Zoom shows of death It was horrible But I also did shows Well Rachel Feinstein and I Who's amazing Made a prank album during that time So we just pranked Businesses Yeah Through the whole thing It just came out Friday It's called Call Girls And it was hilarious That's a great name Isn't that a great name A fan thought of it Do you remember the jerky boys?

[263] Yes it's like that We called businesses and harassed them Throughout all of COVID And we recorded it with virtual comedy network Greg Fitzsimmons did that many years ago He's so funny he's hilarious We record he recorded a whole album of it And he has this one that I will never forget He called up he called up an auto rental place To tell them the car that he rented was on fire And he did it in this this heavy Boston accent The car's on fire And then he's like telling the story about how we went to the gas station and he filled up pots and pans with gas and he had it inside the car but my fucking cousin smoking like I forget what the whole story was but he's cutting this guy on the other end and it's like what the fuck you're saying my car's on fire and you would love one I call a GNC and I'm like hi I call it a fat person and I'm like hi I need a fat suburb man and the guy's like okay we have some fat burners and then like middle of the call I'm like do you have any roast beef I started ordering meat and cheese.

[264] And she's like, Rachel's on the phone.

[265] She's like, we'd like an extra thin, thinly sliced.

[266] And I'm like, do you have provolone?

[267] And the guy's like, what are you talking about?

[268] It's like, it's so much fun to make these prank calls.

[269] I mean.

[270] Why is that so fun, but it is?

[271] It's because, you know, it's so silly and stupid.

[272] And that's my thing.

[273] It's like people need to just get, like, not think right now.

[274] And just people are so uptight and just.

[275] Strong up.

[276] And it's like getting reaction.

[277] They don't, also people don't hang up on certain characters.

[278] Like the old Jewish women, they never hang up on, ever.

[279] So that is that the - We called for a massage, you know, I was like, I'd like a socially distanced massage.

[280] And the woman's like, what are you talking about?

[281] They have to touch you.

[282] I'm like, does anyone there have very long arms?

[283] The thing about prank calls is that the audience is in on it.

[284] That's why it's so fun.

[285] Right, you're right.

[286] Because they know.

[287] Yeah.

[288] They know and the other person doesn't know So they feel like, ah, I'm in on this Right, that's true Yeah Yeah It's what's exciting about it.

[289] I did them a lot when I was a kid Like everyone Did you?

[290] Oh my God I don't think I did much of that You didn't?

[291] No, I don't think so I'm trying to remember I probably did a few I think we all did as kids Oh, I used to get high out of my mind And sit with my friends And I remember when I was a kid Okay, this I do remember They came up with the new way Of finding out who called you you'd press star 69 yeah because it used to be when a phone call came in you had no idea who was calling you right and it was just a random gamble to answer the phone but then when people would call and talk shit you could press star 69 and call them back that was right after the invention of like you know like digital lines they had like lines that like when someone would call you you'd actually see caller ID I remember that being revelation this is madness I can see the person or here's here's one kids um call screening you would let it go to voicemail and then your your answering machine would pick up and they'd be like hi jesse it's mike you're like oh hi mike and then you would have this fucking recorded conversation on your answering machine of you and you'd have to figure out how to shut it off while you're talking to the person how crazy that that was so big when we we're like if people like this is what our parents used to say yeah But that was, like, huge when we were growing up.

[292] Giant.

[293] Like call waiting.

[294] Oh, my God.

[295] And merging a call.

[296] Oh, my God.

[297] Huge.

[298] Another person's calling.

[299] Hold, please.

[300] It was crazy.

[301] Like, how is this possible?

[302] I could just call and talk to you forever.

[303] Have you ever seen any videos of this kid doing pranks at all?

[304] No. Yes, it's hilarious.

[305] So he dresses up and he'll do a voice changing like his, like he sounds like an old woman, but he says he's getting revenge for pranks on his grandmother.

[306] So he'll try to bait these scammers and keep them online as long as possible.

[307] And what is this guy's name?

[308] His name's Kit Boga.

[309] He does it live on Twitch a lot.

[310] Kit Boga.

[311] Yeah.

[312] So he also is good at hacking and doing things on the computer.

[313] So he'll end up getting screen shared and he'll convince them that he's buying things and gift cards that they want them to buy.

[314] Like that's how this game's going to go.

[315] But he acts like he'll completely bait them in.

[316] He makes them call them back after a couple days because they think that they have like a hot fish on the line.

[317] Some of them, some of his highlight videos are fine.

[318] fucking hilarious.

[319] He's been doing it for two or three years.

[320] You'll have 30 ,000 people watching this app and live.

[321] It's pretty funny sometimes.

[322] Yeah.

[323] The best is what the ones, have you ever seen the ones where they have the two, they'll call two Asian restaurants and just have them talk to each other.

[324] Oh my God.

[325] It's a, it's his, hello, hello, hello.

[326] You can't even do that anymore.

[327] Now it's racist.

[328] I know.

[329] I'm going to get canceled for what I just did.

[330] Yeah, you should, you should get canceled.

[331] I don't like the way you're saying those words.

[332] I just said hello yeah but I didn't like the undertones do you feel triggered yeah fucking for sure hello yeah you can't even do an Asian accent or you're a bad person but what if that's what they sound like no you can't imitate it okay you have to just give up like I give up I do a Jewish grandmother and I'm Jewish and I get in trouble by people get upset with me I was called anti -Semitic on Twitter I mean on TikTok because I did know that you're Jewish yes well then they're retarded You can't say that But I did Yeah but you're not allowed But I'm on Spotify You can get away with it That's a funny bitch You just keep going back and forth About words you can't say that But you can say this Yeah it's a fucking goofy time I mean it's a goofy time There's a few people that can make fun of everybody Right Like if you're a black comic You could definitely make fun of black people And white people And you might dabble in Asian But you've got to be careful You have to be careful I think with that Michael Yo is black and Asian He calls himself Blasian Right I love that word Free past Both lanes White Asian black He's got all three At his disposal Yeah He's got it But I don't think that he could make fun of Jews Like there's there are some limits If his mom was Jewish He could do it If he was a Jewish black Asian Is that possible Can that be done?

[333] Is there a person out there There's a Jewish black Asian yeah for sure yes yeah it can be done yeah it's a rare combo though absolutely you know I never thought there were Jewish Asian people but I found out recently there are oh yeah this is a lot yeah right they must have a really fun Sunday night Jewish people always eat Chinese food on Sunday night yeah why is that why is that a tradition I don't really know to be honest with you but it is a tradition well it's an east coast thing huge like east coast has amazing Chinese food amazing yeah how that happened I don't know maybe a lot of Chinese people move to these I'm afraid of saying anything right now that might be considered the thing is like what the further west you get the less like well that's not true because Los Angeles and well that's terribly not true because San Francisco is a huge Chinese community all right I forget what I said the railroads took them there you know you have You ever see those, you want to talk about suppression and some horrible history, the history of Chinese people that were immigrants in America working on the railroads.

[334] Oh, boy.

[335] Oh, my God.

[336] Oh, my God.

[337] It's horrific.

[338] They built the fucking railroads.

[339] They built the railroads all the way across America.

[340] And there's images of like Chinese folks working on the railroads from like the 1800s and like the despair in their eyes, you know, treated horribly, like, terrible.

[341] abused what i mean it's just the history of humans is so terrible yeah it's just like the last hundred years we've been nice to each other what's i thought the asian thing was coming up i'm like what oh here we'll get that the history of jews chinese food and christmas explained by a rabbi it's because uh chinese restaurants are the closest to a kosher oh oh that makes sense at least back then.

[342] The closest to kosher.

[343] So in terms of kosher law, Chinese restaurant is a lot safer than an Italian restaurant, Italian food.

[344] There's a lot of mixing meat and dairy.

[345] Chinese restaurant does not mix meat and dairy because Chinese cooking is virtually dairy -free.

[346] Interesting.

[347] That makes so much sense.

[348] If Chinese American cooking, if there's any pork, which is not a kosher food, it's usually concealed inside of something like a wonton, a lot of Jews back then and even now kept strict kosher inside the home, but we're more flexible with food, they ate at restaurants.

[349] See if you can find pictures of Chinese folks working on the railroads, because it's, it's one of the darker, more unsung chapters of American history.

[350] You know, people don't really talk about it that much, but I read a article many years ago about it.

[351] Look at this.

[352] Building the Transcontinental Railroad, how 20 ,000 Chinese immigrants made it happen.

[353] Yeah, it was, I don't know how or why.

[354] I don't remember.

[355] how or why it was uh chinese people but there's some see if you can find some pictures because there's some crazy pictures of these folks working there and it's just like you see the looks in their faces and they're malnourished and hammering fucking spikes into the ground and putting railroad ties down just all the way across america god it's so people are gross people are rip that's a good one Chinese railroad workers it's hard to see there's one too that's a good one yeah they look happy they're like fucking so depressed that looks like my audience last night where were you what in my hotel room in my mind my friend john hefron did a zoom show back in the day like way back in the day he was like one of the first guys to do them before there was ever even a pandemic oh really yeah he he would uh set up these corporate shows and what he would do is he would he would be in front of a camera and he had like a wall of screens so everyone that was in on this room he could see their faces and they could see him so it was like as close to a virtual comedy club as you can get yeah and he said it was a lot of fun i've had a lot of i had to get used to doing them but i had a lot of fun doing them you know i did a lot of shows for this company laugh dot events um which i still do some for them uh where where companies will hire uh comics during the day um to just you know perform for their because a lot of them are still at home working and it's great you know it's it's amazing to do stuff on zoom i mean my father passed a year a year a month into covid from cancer and we had to do a zoom shiva i mean my family has laughed like so many times from the Shiva it was unbelievable all these old Jews talking about my father on the Zoom like Jeffrey was a wonderful man like their big Jewish faces up in these screens just I knew him from summer camp just it was so crazy how many faces can you get on a Zoom call oh my God hundreds so you'd have to like figure out who's talking yeah Like if you have an iPad, you got to go like, oh, that's Mike.

[356] You have to, like, hit the next page and then look through all the boxes and then, but, you know, like, it lights up.

[357] But still, you have to keep looking and try to see.

[358] So you got to, can you press on that box and they go full screen when they're talking?

[359] You can press on a different, like, a thing up top to make it that person is the center of the page.

[360] How long before we're all, like, standing in front of screens?

[361] Like when diseases are everywhere and you can't leave your house, we're just standing in front of a giant.

[362] screens and you're going to talk to everybody like minority report everything's going to be screen to screen very little face time i won't be alive at that point you don't think so i don't know i won't make it through at that point no i can't i don't know that sounds hard jo that sounds this this past year and a half was kind of horrible for a lot of people social horrible a lot of people like anxiety ridden people i was i've never been as depressed as i was during covid yeah ever in my life i've always been anxious but I've never been that depressed in my life what what did you feel did you feel like this is not going to get any better did you hopeless completely hopeless I didn't think it was going to go away I mean I didn't think we were going to be able to go out again I was like I can be very negative and go into like you know a dark place and think the worst and it really I I started seeing a trauma therapist who sent me to do therapy with a horse this is a true story and equine therapy have you ever heard of that i have because it whitney cummings oh right yeah Whitney owns uh she owns at least one horse yeah yeah yeah she's very into that yeah well my mom's a therapist so my mom suggested a trauma therapist who sent me to do therapy with a horse and it was supposed to calm me but i don't know if you realize how big horses are it scared the fucking shit out of me where if what if you got kicked you go to No, it was worse.

[363] I walked, first of all, I walked up to this horse.

[364] It was so big that it traumatized.

[365] I'm not saying it to be funny.

[366] It traumatized me. It was like enormous.

[367] Its cock was out, which I, well, it didn't turn me on.

[368] I mean, first of all, I'm gay, so this thing was like fucking huge.

[369] It was the wiffle bat.

[370] It was the biggest thing.

[371] Oh, they're enormous.

[372] Enormous.

[373] Do you know about Mr. Hans?

[374] Who's Mr. Hands?

[375] Okay.

[376] what there's a documentary called zoo and zoo is about people that have zoophilia and it's like you know pedophilia they're into kids yeah they're in the animals and they're sexually excuse me they're they're sexually attracted to animals which is a thing right it's like a big thing and so they would find forums and these forums they would all meet up and go to a place like a farm yeah and they would all get fucked by animals And it turns out that...

[377] Wait, is this legal?

[378] In some states.

[379] It turns out what Washington State...

[380] In Washington State, up until this guy died, up until this guy died, it was legal.

[381] And so there's a video out there called Mr. Hands.

[382] And in this video, this guy is getting fucked by a horse.

[383] And he eventually wound up dying from getting fucked by a horse.

[384] The horse ruptured his internal organs.

[385] How did it fit?

[386] Oh, it's wild.

[387] Do you want to see it?

[388] Why not?

[389] Yeah, you did your mom's house live.

[390] Yeah, nothing's worse than what I just watched on your mom's house live.

[391] Nothing.

[392] Nothing can be worse.

[393] I'm already completely not okay from that.

[394] So I have the documentary up.

[395] Where in the documentary is?

[396] Well, Zoo is just a documentary.

[397] What you want is Mr .hands .mpeg.

[398] Is everyone watching this from home?

[399] A lot of people are watching this from home.

[400] Just Google Mr .Hands .mptu.

[401] Was there any kind of lubricant?

[402] Oh yeah, for sure.

[403] Yeah, it was all slippery and slupe.

[404] That was one of the dumbest questions I've ever asked anyone.

[405] I mean, it's my whole arm.

[406] I mean, it's literally my whole arm.

[407] I have to tell everyone watching the size of the penis was your arm.

[408] Yeah, it's enormous.

[409] If you just, did you Google?

[410] I'm afraid to worry it's going to take me. But yeah, you can get it there.

[411] Oh, you're worried about it being this is not on a safe website so not a like a legit website um what about live leak like someone like live leak live leak live leak has all the dark shit you ever go to live league i've seen it's all car accidents there was a crazy time of my life where i watched not like like beheadings and stuff i was out of my mind what was that that's the video two guys one horse is the video i know but i wasn't playing there oh two guys one horse another guy got no it's the The other guy's helping him.

[412] The other guy helps guide the cock into this guy, Mr. Hand's butt.

[413] Yeah.

[414] It's a real video.

[415] Mr. Hans' butt.

[416] Yeah.

[417] It's one of the craziest videos I've ever seen in my life because you start doing the math.

[418] Did he die in this video?

[419] No. The video is just one of hundreds of hours of footage of this guy getting fucked by horses.

[420] This guy got fucked by horses all the time.

[421] What other animals did he have inside of him?

[422] That's a good question.

[423] I don't have an answer.

[424] I wonder what the stream.

[425] one was because it's not a horse that's pretty strange what stranger than a horse is a donkey stranger yeah that's I mean let's just exotic right right I mean they're paca those are so cute they are cute there was imagine its face while it was doing it probably adorable probably excited they don't give they don't care they don't have them like social constructs in their head it's just a warm hole yeah it's probably like they're excited yeah He's trying to blow loads They don't give a fuck If it's a dude's butt They didn't know, don't even know what it did it Yeah, it's just a hole, you're right Imagine being a horse You have no ability to jerk yourself off At least a dog can lick its dick Right A horse is fucked You know, you got hooves You're just horny all the time Yeah, you can't jerk off with a hoof That's painful You can't lick it You can't even get back to there You're not built for it And sticking it in a bucket It's a huge space That's not tight enough Not enough.

[426] You got it?

[427] Let me see.

[428] Let me see.

[429] Oh, man. Hold on.

[430] Yeah, that's it.

[431] 100%.

[432] Okay.

[433] So start from the beginning.

[434] Start from the beginning.

[435] How long is this?

[436] It doesn't take long.

[437] Do you have popcorn?

[438] Horses come quick.

[439] So let's get some volume.

[440] Oh, they took the volume out.

[441] You know all about this one.

[442] He just did and how it worked really well.

[443] Yeah.

[444] Like, he guides it into this dude's butt.

[445] Now, watch this.

[446] company oh my god he's trying to hold it back which is hilarious but what look at the guys got all these anal piercings and stuff but watch how far it goes in the horse goes take it whoa yeah and apparently that's what did him in that that thrust yes he wanted to be like me well that kind of thrust with a horse oh my god yeah even even though a horse is that big what was that horse is enormous it's still so big even for a horse like if a horse was a human he'd have a giant dick right like that guy yeah that horse was packing it he was packing it yeah that horse was very confident hugely confident walking to any bar with a swagger that horse would kill it on stage but that's that's the video so that guy eventually wound up dying how did they how do you know that that thrust was the one that killed him no it wasn't that video wasn't the one where he died.

[447] That was always the rumor was that that video had killed him.

[448] But apparently that's not true.

[449] Apparently that video was one of hundreds of hours of footage that these people had.

[450] That's not it?

[451] What the fuck?

[452] Oh my God.

[453] The horse is like cuddling him too.

[454] Guys like it.

[455] That's a big black one.

[456] Some guys like it up their ass.

[457] It's fun for them.

[458] I get why they like it up the ass, but from a horse?

[459] I think people just keep taking things to the next level.

[460] I understand.

[461] Like some people wanted to skydive and other people like well fuck that I'm a skydive off a building You know it's like people get all want a skydive from space like people just get nuts To burn this computer now I think oh really?

[462] I mean don't I with social credit score and everything Oh yeah social credit score is gonna be a real issue once the communist party takes over America what would be the bigger than being fucked by a horse like a camel?

[463] A giraffe a giraffe for sure is bigger than a horse way bigger yeah that would be it but how would you you'd have to like have a ladder or something there'd be some way that the horse can get to your butt or the giraffe could get to your butt you know i i just i i don't know i mean i kind of understand it if you hate yourself so much to just want a horse to fuck your ass i don't even know if it's i hate myself so much like that that's what they're thinking i think they're just thinking they want to do something really naughty They want to do something super perverted and super taboo.

[464] I think there's a lot of that.

[465] Well, in the last one, the horse looked like it loved him.

[466] Yeah, it was like hugging him.

[467] Yeah, it's arms.

[468] He was cuddling him, kind of.

[469] A little bit.

[470] Yeah.

[471] You know, the episode that you did of your mom's house live, I don't think it had this in there, but other ones they have had were guys were fisting each other.

[472] There was a lot of fisting.

[473] Was there?

[474] Yeah, there was fisting, and then there was shitting, and then there was shoving the shit back in the ass.

[475] It was a lot.

[476] I have not been totally okay since that.

[477] This is nothing compared to what I watched.

[478] Did they warn you?

[479] Yes.

[480] I had a, you know how many fans sent me messages saying, I hope you're going to be okay?

[481] I'm like, what is going to happen to me?

[482] Am I going to be assaulted?

[483] Did they let you know that we're going to see some horrific shit?

[484] No, they didn't tell me the fans.

[485] Hundreds of fans kept sending me messages going, I hope you're ready.

[486] I hope you have a good stomach.

[487] Don't eat a lot before the show.

[488] I'm like.

[489] oh my god yeah this was this is the preview this is at the paramount right yeah this was the show yeah this is what happened yeah i didn't uh didn't make it to that one i wanted to go though i was unfortunately out of town but look this was doing the next one you are yeah i'm doing the one in november oh i'm so you're gonna yeah this was yeah i set the day aside i'm fucking pumped you're gonna love it i had so much fun.

[490] I laughed my ass off.

[491] At one point Tom turned to me and went and I said, don't.

[492] I can't even believe I said this.

[493] In the mic I said don't throw up on me. Because I will throw up on Christine.

[494] I'm like this is going to be a fucking nightmare.

[495] It would be like that scene from stand by me. Yes.

[496] I would throw up on her.

[497] Then she would throw up on me. It was like the worst was someone a man shitting in another man's mouth.

[498] And it was as if the man that shit like he ate hay I'm not saying it to be funny it was the hardiest shit I've ever seen he must have eaten hay for two weeks because it was horses shit it wasn't human shit you know what I'm talking about it's probably a vegan it had grass and it had like it was hardy and the guy was picking it up and kept chewing on it right like eating food then he peed all over him in his mouth and then he came in his mouth It came in his mouth, too.

[499] Yes, it was, Tom kept saying it's not over.

[500] I said, what's next?

[501] What's next?

[502] Oh, my God.

[503] Jesus Christ.

[504] There's people out there like that, but that's my point.

[505] It's like, there's people that always want to take things to the next level, you know?

[506] I don't understand eating shit.

[507] Like, and I'm very open.

[508] I mean, I am, I am really open.

[509] What a crazy statement.

[510] Like, I get a lot.

[511] Yeah, I get a lot.

[512] but I don't get eating shit and picking it up and then keep putting in your mouth and then keep eating more eating more like I don't understand how that's a turn on At some point in time you should stop You shouldn't eat shit all day Right it was like he kept like wouldn't leave any on the plate He kept eating more and more and more What is that?

[513] Do you understand it in any way?

[514] For sure I mean let's start with that Let's start with bad parenting That's what I mean They're damage Something wrong Well there's something that they say happens To people when they get Like scolded for shitting their pants When they're really young And like really punished and shamed For some men in particular And it seems to mostly be men For some men That becomes a thing That gets somehow attached to sexuality That makes sense Yeah Yeah like naughtiness And you're a bad boy And then you know And then you're shitting and then you know you're doing things like that maybe you want to see someone's shit or something like you remember there was a story about a certain actor uh i don't know if it's true but he would uh hire women to shit on a glass table i remember that yo that guy and so he would uh he i don't know if it's true it's probably not true but let's just pretend it is and he would uh someone's done it for sure maybe it's on him they would uh have this lady squat over a glass table or coffee table and just take a a giant meaty shit while he looked up.

[515] I think Norton said people shit on him before.

[516] Didn't he say that?

[517] He's had people do a lot on him.

[518] I think Jim Norton has had some people shit on him.

[519] I understand looking at it for some reason in the glass table.

[520] Yes.

[521] If that's not true, Jim, I'm really sorry.

[522] Jim, we're sorry.

[523] But I mean, you can understand why I would assume that maybe you've tried that.

[524] I love you.

[525] But, yeah, I mean, it's kind of fascinating, like watching the asshole open up.

[526] I like watching assholes open up and things out.

[527] Like, watch the, yeah.

[528] And you're under, you're protected.

[529] I do like that, right.

[530] I get it on the glass.

[531] Yeah, that would be a thrill.

[532] Me too.

[533] I mean, I like when it opens and things happen, but I don't think I'd want it to come into my mouth.

[534] Well, that's next level.

[535] That is a lot.

[536] Yeah.

[537] Yeah, that's someone who's just, you're just gone.

[538] You're barely hanging on.

[539] Like, if that's...

[540] You're a second away from ending it.

[541] I'm sorry.

[542] A second away.

[543] There's not, yeah.

[544] You've got a gun in the chamber, loaded, a bullet in the chamber.

[545] You got the gun in your hand, finger on the trigger.

[546] You're like, not yet.

[547] Let me eat some shit first.

[548] Totally.

[549] But the crazy thing is that we all, we're not shocked that there's people like that out there.

[550] You're shocked when you see it.

[551] But there's no part of your brain that goes, I could never imagine that this was a thing, right?

[552] Because we've seen so much.

[553] Oh, I can imagine it.

[554] Yeah, that's what's crazy.

[555] It's like, it's not really that stunning.

[556] What I was saying that, um, go ahead.

[557] No, there's a guy who cut his dick.

[558] This was worse to me than the eating the shit.

[559] Oh.

[560] There was a guy that took a knife and cut his penis.

[561] Off?

[562] No, a big cut and blood went spurting everywhere.

[563] Like a, like a geyser.

[564] So he cut it when he was hard?

[565] I don't, yes.

[566] I don't even have a dick.

[567] And I, that's such a crazy thing.

[568] I just said.

[569] That's only the third crazy thing you've said.

[570] I don't even have a dick.

[571] Damn it.

[572] I know.

[573] It's very upsetting.

[574] I don't even have one.

[575] And that freaked me out more than anything.

[576] And there were some men that watched it.

[577] They were like, I don't know.

[578] It didn't really.

[579] I'm like, what?

[580] That freaked me out when I saw that.

[581] It should.

[582] It was the worst thing I saw out of anything.

[583] Well, it's like that kind of self -harm stuff is very sad.

[584] Well, especially you.

[585] You're a mom.

[586] Yeah.

[587] So I'm a father.

[588] I know you see people that are harming themselves like that.

[589] And I immediately think someone fucked up.

[590] Like someone raised that person terrible.

[591] Somebody abused that person.

[592] That absolutely.

[593] Yeah.

[594] I mean, I'm not a psychologist, but I would imagine like 99 % accuracy.

[595] That person's been abused.

[596] Horrible.

[597] Has to be.

[598] I mean, what's the point of that?

[599] Why would you cut your dick and spray blood all over the place?

[600] Like, and it went on.

[601] And, I mean, he kept showing it, Tom.

[602] I was like, you're, yeah.

[603] So Tom shows me in this video.

[604] He sends it to me. Tom has sent me the most horrific shit I've ever seen in my life, other than the guy getting fucked by the horse.

[605] So these two guys are fisting.

[606] And this guy is fisting this guy's asshole and he pulls his arm out and the guy's prolapsed rectum comes out with it like a sock.

[607] Yeah.

[608] And then there's another guy next to him and he's fisting that guy.

[609] And then he rubs their pro -lapsed.

[610] Relapsed rectums together.

[611] Have you seen that one?

[612] Jamie's seen it.

[613] Have you seen it?

[614] Jamie's got it on a loop.

[615] That's a screensaver at home.

[616] I think they've shown that on a live or something.

[617] I saw something like that.

[618] I think so, yeah.

[619] I think that's exactly where I think he said it to me before they did their show and then said, we're going to show this in front of the whole audience.

[620] I was like, what the fuck?

[621] Yeah, there was a lot of prolapsed assholes.

[622] What they've done, and we talked about this before the podcast started, is an amazing thing.

[623] They've put together like a real legitimate production in every month or so.

[624] they put on these phenomenal shows where they do a live show you buy it online it's completely pay -per -view so they can show you the wildest most fucked up things online there's no censorship at all you don't have to worry about it being taken down it's unbelievable it's they have created the crazy I mean it's unreal what they've done it's unreal they're so unusual because like there's like Rich Voss and Bonnie McFarland There's like Natasha Lagera and Mosha Casher, and then there's Tom and Christina.

[625] Those are the only funny couples.

[626] Well, Joe List and Sarah Talamash, there's definitely more people.

[627] I can't think off the top of my head, but there's definitely more.

[628] That I can name, I can only name like four.

[629] Yeah, I can't think right now.

[630] My brain is, but there are some, yeah, for sure.

[631] But those guys are at the top of the heap.

[632] It's so unusual that you have like a top flight male and a top flight flight.

[633] female comedian and then they have a family and their kids are hilarious and they they've decided to partner together and put on this wild ass fucking live show I mean and they the thing that you said that's the best part of it is they can do anything they want say anything they want hire whoever they want no restrictions no I mean that is what any comic would want it's heaven it's heaven they it's and without the internet it would never been available never with the internet the only way you could do it is if you create infrastructure the way they've done where you have like your own servers and your own thing and your own pay -per -view set up because no one's going to let you do that like regularly right i said to them you have to do it a lot i mean it's just unreal it's unbelievable but like you couldn't do that like well patreon backed off not patreon um what was it only fans only fans were not going to have naked content anymore Patreon's gotten stricter too, right?

[634] They have definitely, well, the problem is, like, when someone complains, if someone complains and then Vox runs a story on it, then they're going to want to ban you.

[635] But if, like, Only Fans, for a while, they were talking about not having any naked content and not having any pornograph.

[636] And then they realized that's 90 % of the people on Only Fans.

[637] Right.

[638] And they backed off of it.

[639] Oh, they backed off.

[640] I didn't know they backed off of that.

[641] Yeah, it's great that they did.

[642] And that's nice.

[643] It's a win for freedom Yeah Of course I mean Listen You can go You can get free porn Anytime you want I mean it's ridiculous Who cares But I think the thing was banks My throat is so scratchy I'm sorry I gotta clear my throat The thing is banks Because banks for whatever reason They don't want to be involved In naked people Well they want to be involved With naked people Just not publicly right they want the money right but they don't want to be shamed so they don't want to like get in trouble whether it's sponsors or other business relationships they have so they were trying to figure out a way to stop the nakedness on only fans the nakedness yeah it's like come on it's what you do it's like why is chick -fil -a closed on sunday open up bitch you sell dead chickens stop saying this is about jesus i love what you say bitch it's so funny to me Oh, thank you.

[644] Yeah.

[645] I mean, I don't know.

[646] Chick -fil -A is delicious, but the gay thing really, I just can't.

[647] I can imagine.

[648] Yeah.

[649] It's not good.

[650] But some people are gay and they still go to Chick -fil -A.

[651] I know.

[652] You know, it's like people who have been molested and they still listen to Michael Jackson.

[653] Like, I can't help myself.

[654] I want to rock with you.

[655] Well, he is an amazing singer.

[656] He was, yeah.

[657] I don't even know if he did anything.

[658] I don't shame anyone for going to Chick -fil -A.

[659] whether you, you know, eat box or suck it, whatever, but, you know.

[660] I like that, eat box.

[661] I always say it.

[662] It's a good way to say it.

[663] Yeah, and you can say it.

[664] Yeah, of course.

[665] I can say anything about that I want.

[666] Isn't it weird, though, the Chick -fil -A is essentially the only restaurant chain that's associated with an ideology, clearly, right?

[667] Yeah, it's so ridiculous.

[668] Is there another one?

[669] No. No. I don't think, not a restaurant.

[670] No. I mean hobby lobby like there's other there's other businesses for sure yeah but like a restaurant that's associated with like a religious ideology no that's it right i don't think so jamie can you think of one but that's a big one well well ben and jerry's like won't sell ice cream in israel right oh yeah that's a new thing yeah i mean that seems a little weird it's not that big shit uh it's uh it And it now does have like verses on the bottom of the cups and shit, which is kind of strange.

[671] In and Out?

[672] Yeah.

[673] I never know.

[674] I was considering the name too.

[675] That's hilarious.

[676] Under the lip.

[677] Under the cup.

[678] Did they really?

[679] Yeah, like right here.

[680] Bible verses?

[681] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[682] That is so funny to me. That is funny.

[683] But they're not pushing it.

[684] You know, like Chick -fil -Ape pushes it.

[685] Like, I believe they fund anti -gagga groups.

[686] I just made that up, but I think they did.

[687] I backed off it.

[688] He just took the ball.

[689] I did.

[690] I'm like they definitely do.

[691] I know, because I'm clueless, but I think they have.

[692] I think so, too.

[693] I think there's something about that, yeah.

[694] Well, the Mormons definitely have.

[695] I used to have a bit about it.

[696] There was Proposition 8 was in California, and Proposition 8 was a prop to, I think it was to limit gay marriage or remove gay marriage.

[697] And, like, gay marriage had been cleared in California.

[698] And then there was, I think it was Prop 8.

[699] See if this is true.

[700] and then a big part of Prop 8 support to try to remove gay marriage, it turns out came from the Mormons.

[701] So I had a joke about it that the Mormons should be afraid of gay marriage because if someone can talk you into being a Mormon, they can definitely talk you into sucking their dick.

[702] That's very true.

[703] They just need a little more alone time with you.

[704] True.

[705] Yeah, here it is.

[706] What is it say?

[707] Known as Prop 8 was a California ballot proposition.

[708] and state constitutional amendment intend to ban same -sex marriage.

[709] Yes, that's it.

[710] So it passed in November of 2008 in the California state elections, which is so crazy.

[711] But it was later overturned in court.

[712] So California, the most progressive state arguably other than New York, right, in the country.

[713] And they passed a law in 2008 to ban gay marriage.

[714] I know.

[715] And there's stuff coming up about that again now.

[716] What?

[717] Yeah.

[718] There's stuff.

[719] There's there's there after the abortion thing the new thing supposedly is trying to get rid of gay marriage again.

[720] It's so crazy.

[721] It's so dumb.

[722] I mean, that would not happen.

[723] That's the way that is that's that's that's that shouldn't even be remotely controversial.

[724] Yeah.

[725] It's it's it's so dumb at this point in time it seems like whatever like when when each generation sort of moves forward whatever weird ideas that people are holding on to because of ignorance.

[726] and the past slowly they get eroded away and you see marginalized groups get accepted more and more and more over time and the gay one's a big one in my lifetime because when I was a little kid I lived in San Francisco from age seven to 11 oh really yeah I lived right in the heart of it oh we lived off a Lombard street it was during the Vietnam War yeah it was just hippies and gay people it was all it was like my aunt used to get naked and smoke pot and play bongos with the gay couple next door I love that yeah That was, sorry, my throat is fucked up today.

[727] I even tried drinking whiskey.

[728] I don't know what's going on.

[729] We were out late last night at the Vulcan doing comedy.

[730] Oh, really?

[731] Yeah, the 10 o 'clock show.

[732] Didn't start until 10 .30.

[733] Didn't get home until 2.

[734] Oh, boy.

[735] So, eh, eh.

[736] Someone should get you tea.

[737] I don't think that's going to help.

[738] It might.

[739] I'm a Jewish mother.

[740] You should drink some tea.

[741] What about chicken soup?

[742] That's the best.

[743] Where are you going to get matzo bowl soup here?

[744] We're in Texas.

[745] There's not a lot of Jews out here, shockingly enough.

[746] I know.

[747] You got it.

[748] There needs to be a Jewish deli in town.

[749] There should be, right?

[750] Yeah.

[751] Is there one?

[752] There's everything else here.

[753] There has to be.

[754] Find a Jewish deli.

[755] You need a good matzabal soup.

[756] It's healing.

[757] I'm serious.

[758] Chicken soup is healing.

[759] I don't like the matzabal.

[760] You don't have to eat that.

[761] It's a big bowl of fucking crackers.

[762] I know.

[763] It's not the health.

[764] That's not the important part.

[765] It's the chicken soup.

[766] Yeah.

[767] It's really good.

[768] I like chicken noodle soup.

[769] Yeah.

[770] You can get it just with noodle.

[771] I love that we're talking about that now.

[772] You can.

[773] Yeah.

[774] It's a ball.

[775] I got one.

[776] Really?

[777] Yeah.

[778] Is it look good?

[779] Let's see it online.

[780] What's it called?

[781] Haralds?

[782] Spider -Men's Deli.

[783] You should get chicken soup.

[784] I'm serious.

[785] Well, we don't have to.

[786] Oh, it looks good.

[787] Bagels.

[788] That looks legit.

[789] Oh, look at that.

[790] Pristrami.

[791] Oh, no, that's a good one.

[792] I'm telling you.

[793] That's an awesome.

[794] Oh, that has capers on it.

[795] No, that's a good one.

[796] That looks good.

[797] I can tell.

[798] That looks legit.

[799] Listen, all of a sudden I'm Jewish.

[800] That looks good.

[801] It looks legit.

[802] That looks wonderful.

[803] Ballpark mustard, yeah.

[804] It's from Cleveland, so it's probably good.

[805] Oh, yeah.

[806] There you go.

[807] So, but my point was it, like, over time, like, people, like, it doesn't mean anything anymore.

[808] Like, people, like, let it go.

[809] Like, whatever prejudice they had in the past, over generations, it becomes, like, less prevalent.

[810] And it seems like there's never been a time ever in our culture where being gay is more accepted.

[811] This is the most, right?

[812] Absolutely.

[813] Right now?

[814] I don't think most people care at all.

[815] At all.

[816] at all so where's the pushback i if anything i've had more stuff about it than anyone in my life like seriously in what way um i i cared a lot what people thought about me so when i came out it was like very hard for me because i i cared so much you know i wanted to be popular and liked and i had a lot of internal homophobia my parents didn't even care you know my dad my mom's a liberal my dad was a huge trump guy like they didn't care they cared more how i would be treated in the world because it was years ago so they were worried about how I would be treated that you know my mother said like I felt sad that I you couldn't walk down the street holding hands with the person you loved you know because this was like 25 years ago yeah so um but it was hard for me you know but now I just don't feel any kind of like people don't care when I talk about it on stage they don't give a shit doesn't even phase them it's normal it's like I'm from Cleveland yeah it's normal yeah yeah doesn't people really don't give a shit.

[817] Which is why when you say that there's some sort of a push to stop getting married...

[818] Where's it coming from?

[819] I don't know.

[820] I've been reading about it.

[821] It's the guy who, you know, did the whole the abortion stuff is now supposedly, that's his new mission.

[822] Who is this demon?

[823] I don't know, some weird looking white guy, obviously.

[824] We should know who he is.

[825] I know.

[826] You can look it up.

[827] It's all over Twitter.

[828] Google weird looking white guy who's trying to stop abortion.

[829] Look up gay guy that hasn't come out He's trying to get rid of He's doing those pray -the -gay -away things I read this story about a pray -the -gay -way camp Where these guys would literally cuddle And the guy said that during this play Pray the Gayaway camp This man was behind him Holding on to him They were seated on the ground And he clearly had his heart on Pressed against his guy's back Oh my God And he's holding on to him They're talking about praying the gay away Is that you know I lived with my friend who went to a workshop to try and not be gay this is amazing workshopped it no for like a six week thing wow and he couldn't masturbate you know they they they you know because if you he was orthodox and if you masturbate you you know you waste seed you never know that you're supposed to like it's you're impregnating a demon in the other world I know it's fucking so crazy Ari has a bit about it I know I love talking to Ari about all this shit so He was going to this thing and they were telling him it's because his father passed when he was a kid.

[830] You know, it's all this shit.

[831] Why he's, and he's not really gay and he cannot be gay.

[832] He's the gayest person.

[833] I mean, it's completely, hi, how are you?

[834] You know, it's completely, what's, I love pussy now.

[835] I'm totally not gay anymore.

[836] So I lived with him and he became the biggest asshole because he wasn't masturbating.

[837] I finally said to him, if you don't jerk off soon, we're not going to be friends anymore.

[838] Like, I'm going to jerk.

[839] I'm like, I haven't touched a penis in.

[840] 20 years, but I will suck your dick, just so that we stay friends.

[841] Like, this is horrible.

[842] If I was him, I would say, well, sounds like a deal.

[843] Well, I always say I'm good at that because I'm an eater.

[844] Yeah, that's him.

[845] Texas abortion band creator takes aim at marriage equality and new brief.

[846] Look at him.

[847] Look at him.

[848] I mean, look at him.

[849] Come on.

[850] Just dying for dick.

[851] Look at him.

[852] Is he not?

[853] I know.

[854] Yeah, for sure.

[855] Yeah, he's too young to wear a tie.

[856] I don't trust him.

[857] He looks like a dyke.

[858] A little bit.

[859] a little bit I'm gonna send a video to you Jamie it's like one of my favorite videos of this there's this maybe you could find it before I send it to you there's this guy he is in this church one of those like serious with like the organs and everything like that and he's talking to the pastor and then he yells out that he's not gay no more and that Jesus has saved him but it's amazing I'm gonna find it I'm gonna find is he really flamboyant That's it.

[860] Oh my God.

[861] I'm going to laugh so hard right now.

[862] What did you come here for?

[863] What did you come down here for?

[864] Tell me. To get delivered more.

[865] Get delivered.

[866] Do you believe that the Lord tonight has set you free?

[867] Yes, sir.

[868] Turn around and tell those people.

[869] I'm not gay no more.

[870] I am delivered.

[871] I don't like me. no more I thought I like women women women women I'm not gay I would not day or men I would not He's hard I will love A woman A women A women Watch them dance Oh my They're all going to get in it Watch this They haven't started you Do they do the bum?

[872] Or you ought to stop preaching it.

[873] They believe God with him.

[874] Here we go.

[875] Black churches are the best.

[876] Look, they get that music going.

[877] Here we go.

[878] Here we go.

[879] Look at them.

[880] They're all dancing together.

[881] Look at them.

[882] I would go to church if it was a black church.

[883] Let me tell you something.

[884] I want to go every Sunday to a black church.

[885] They're having a good fucking time.

[886] If all you have to do is praise the Lord to have this kind of a good time, why wouldn't you?

[887] Look at that guy.

[888] He's not buying it.

[889] That guy thinks he's bowling.

[890] He thinks he's bowl.

[891] Where's the lanes?

[892] Is it my turn to bowl?

[893] Oh, my God.

[894] Keep going.

[895] I think it gets better.

[896] Because I got a problem here.

[897] I got a problem.

[898] I got to get out of here.

[899] Because I got to get up early too and put that long robo.

[900] I got a problem, though.

[901] It's still.

[902] looks like he's alone.

[903] What?

[904] And whether you know it or not, the devil ain't going to leave him alone.

[905] I wish I have some shown -up believers that'll come down here and dance with him and tell him you can do it in the name of jeep.

[906] Oh, my God.

[907] This is, can you send this to me?

[908] I'm watching this every day.

[909] Look, they're huddling with them.

[910] All men.

[911] This guy behind him.

[912] No women.

[913] All men.

[914] Oh, my God.

[915] They're all, they're doing a circle jerk.

[916] It's a pile -along.

[917] Oh, there's some women games.

[918] The women just want to watch.

[919] I just heard the Lord say.

[920] Oh, you heard the Lord.

[921] There was about 50 others of you that needed some kind of deliverance.

[922] But you were afraid that you were going to be labeled.

[923] Now, since we don't know what's going on, I dare you to run down again.

[924] There's two guys hugging each other and dancing together.

[925] This is a gay.

[926] They're turned everybody gay.

[927] They don't even know it.

[928] It's having the desired effect in the opposite way.

[929] Look at this.

[930] They start rimming.

[931] Those guys are about to make out.

[932] Those guys behind them, everyone's ignored them.

[933] They're slow dancing.

[934] Why are they still hugging?

[935] They're hugging and rocking.

[936] They're rocking back and forth.

[937] The cameraman had to cut away.

[938] Those guys behind the future are disturbing.

[939] Look at them.

[940] Look at them.

[941] Look, they're still hugging.

[942] Yes.

[943] What just happened?

[944] Wait, Joe, you just missed that.

[945] The guy you were looking at, he fell.

[946] He probably came.

[947] No, two of them.

[948] Watch, right here.

[949] He probably came and lost his consciousness.

[950] He falls.

[951] Here we go.

[952] Two of them fell down.

[953] Look.

[954] I'm a nut on my pants.

[955] He looks like he's nutting.

[956] Look, he's nutting.

[957] He's leaning into him.

[958] Oh, my God.

[959] And then he falls.

[960] He's leaning into him, dick first.

[961] You saw that, right?

[962] Back it up.

[963] Back it up.

[964] Two of them fell.

[965] he's literally like he's coming watch look he's bucking into it look he's bucking into him they're going penis to penis oh my holding the guy just came in his pants and he wants to black out because they don't have no responsibility he turned her yeah like the devil did that i don't have nothing to do with that it's fucking devil i think that we all the comics you should go to a gospel church here would be great and film the whole thing yeah just but we have to like not make a mockery out of it.

[966] No. Yeah, we have to respect it.

[967] No, we just, yes, we sit in our seats and just dance.

[968] Yeah, and pulled up handkerchiefs.

[969] I'll wear a big fucking hat.

[970] Do you know how much I love gospel?

[971] I listen to it in the car when I'm driving to road gigs.

[972] Really?

[973] Yes.

[974] I love it.

[975] That's your shit?

[976] Yeah.

[977] It's very powerful.

[978] It is, but why got, what, how'd you get started with that?

[979] Because I like, I like the way I just, it's very, I just love gospel music.

[980] I don't know, women.

[981] I like the women singers.

[982] Oh, okay.

[983] Yeah.

[984] You should listen to it.

[985] It sounds great.

[986] It's like that.

[987] Yeah.

[988] It's really great.

[989] It gets me upbeat and it's very spiritual.

[990] Well, I love anything where people are super enthusiastic.

[991] Well, that's what it is.

[992] Yeah.

[993] They're enthusiastic about it.

[994] It's like, believe, believe in yourself.

[995] Like, it's very upbeat.

[996] Look at you.

[997] You could sing a little bit, huh?

[998] Yeah, a little bit.

[999] Maybe you could join up there and be a witness.

[1000] Isn't that right?

[1001] Wasn't that white?

[1002] Testify?

[1003] You could testify?

[1004] Testify.

[1005] Is that what it's supposed to say?

[1006] When you get up and you proclaim your love for Jesus.

[1007] Testify.

[1008] That's it, right?

[1009] Yeah.

[1010] Jesse, get up there and testify.

[1011] Yeah, they can just pound.

[1012] Don't they like just punch you in the head or something and then you get, they change you?

[1013] Sometimes.

[1014] Yeah, they can touch you and, you know, you get healed and stuff.

[1015] And like some people, like, they fall down and they start spasming on the ground.

[1016] You have a seizure?

[1017] Do you know there's a real problem with that in martial arts?

[1018] Like there's a whole branch of martial arts that's completely fake and it's based on a bunch of people like touching people with magic and the people like fall down like all their disciples.

[1019] In martial arts?

[1020] Yeah.

[1021] Yeah, there's there's quite a few websites that are dedicated to it.

[1022] McDojo is one of them.

[1023] McDojo, what?

[1024] I don't think he was.

[1025] I don't think it worked.

[1026] What do you mean?

[1027] He's back?

[1028] Oh, Jesus.

[1029] Who's that?

[1030] Is that the guy?

[1031] He's Mr. Delivert.

[1032] What's to say now?

[1033] Mr. Delivert is an internet sensation known for his famous I Am Delivert video.

[1034] I like how they say it.

[1035] They spell it deliver and then a T. Delivert.

[1036] Went viral in 2014.

[1037] Text him.

[1038] He's got his phone number out.

[1039] He's just trolling for dick.

[1040] Oh, my God.

[1041] Oh, my God.

[1042] He's trolling for dick.

[1043] Look at him.

[1044] What's that picture right there?

[1045] Click on that one.

[1046] We've got something in his hand.

[1047] Is it a dick?

[1048] A microphone.

[1049] Oh, it's a microphone.

[1050] Yeah.

[1051] Yeah, it didn't work.

[1052] Does he say it didn't work?

[1053] No, but.

[1054] Wow.

[1055] Look at him with, is that him with that?

[1056] What is all this?

[1057] No, this one is, yeah.

[1058] Oh, my goodness.

[1059] Okay.

[1060] All right.

[1061] I'm confused.

[1062] He does fake martial arts.

[1063] Well, no, no, no, no, no. There's a whole, you know, we're talking about touching.

[1064] People touching people touching people.

[1065] Oh, yeah.

[1066] I'm healed.

[1067] And they fall.

[1068] the ground spines out, there's a whole branch of martial arts, like this, like, death touch, power, chi type martial arts.

[1069] It's totally fake.

[1070] And they have these followers that are basically cult members.

[1071] And so the master will do this to one of the followers, and the followers will start spasming and falling down the ground, very much like a revival church session.

[1072] And there's like thousands of videos of this.

[1073] There's these schools that are all over the world that are just involved in fake martial arts.

[1074] Make Dojo Life?

[1075] Oh, here's one.

[1076] I had to find it.

[1077] I had to Google search it together.

[1078] All right, here we go.

[1079] So this guy's got a knife, and he can't cut this guy because this guy has magic, and he puts it down.

[1080] So this is, like, from all over the world.

[1081] I see.

[1082] So you see he's got, like, he's doing voodoo on him, and he can't go near him.

[1083] That's just one, but there's many.

[1084] of them like go to that one right there well this one was a different thing okay there's a lot of them this one that's a good one that's a good one watch this one look this guy touches people in the chest and they like fall down to the ground it's so obviously fake look at him look at his face look how fat that guy is look he just said a big that guy is teaching something called systema and systema is a Russian version of this fake shit and they just like like And all these people just don't have any friends and just like, oh, hang out.

[1085] Like, look at them in the background.

[1086] Like, leaning back and look at them, yawning.

[1087] Like, yeah, I don't have any friends.

[1088] By the way, this looks like a Saturday Night Live sketch.

[1089] It does.

[1090] Like, it's so funny.

[1091] There's so many of them, though.

[1092] And McDojo Life on Instagram.

[1093] And there's another one, fake black belts.

[1094] And they all, they just, this guy's dedicated to showing all the lady just.

[1095] Oh, that's amazing.

[1096] He just gives me a head nod.

[1097] The guy stops in his tracks.

[1098] Watch us.

[1099] Look, look.

[1100] It's so weird.

[1101] But there's, I mean, thousands of these videos, I'm sure.

[1102] But McDojo Life does an amazing job of curating them.

[1103] But it's incredible how many frauds there are out there in this martial arts community.

[1104] There's so many of them.

[1105] You know, there's people on YouTube lip -sinking comics acts now.

[1106] It's a big thing.

[1107] Oh, boy.

[1108] I keep hearing about it And they're going viral They're getting famous From lip -sinking comics acts Oh Like a huge thing right now On a YouTube It's not TikTok?

[1109] I mean on TikTok I knew it That's what I meant It's too stupid for YouTube That's what I meant I don't know why I was focusing on that guy Just nodding and making someone fall down TikTok is like That's happening Everybody was like Oh my God this generation's so stupid And TikTok was like Hold my beer Yep We're gonna show you We'll show you how dumb people really are.

[1110] Yeah, they're taking someone's joke, lip -syncing the whole thing, and then they'll get millions of views.

[1111] How does that work, though?

[1112] Like, if they do one of your bits, it's your intellectual property.

[1113] I don't know how it works, but they can do it.

[1114] I don't get it.

[1115] You're not owned by China anymore, right?

[1116] I don't know.

[1117] That was so serious how I just said that.

[1118] Are you on it?

[1119] Yes.

[1120] Are you really?

[1121] I post a ton of crowdwork videos.

[1122] That's my thing.

[1123] Oh, that's a good move.

[1124] Is that?

[1125] I post them almost every day, crowd work stuff.

[1126] But let me tell you something.

[1127] I'll get suspended for a week for saying the word threesome.

[1128] Meanwhile, my daughter's 14 -year -old friends will show pictures of, like, their asshole, and nothing happens.

[1129] Like, I don't understand.

[1130] It's crazy.

[1131] You get suspended for some threesome?

[1132] I got my video taken down and suspended for the third time because I said threesome in a video.

[1133] That's the only thing I said that was off color.

[1134] If it hits the third time, is that, uh, I didn't get, three strikes.

[1135] No, I didn't get suspended for good, but I'm being watched.

[1136] Threesome.

[1137] That was the only thing I said that was not okay.

[1138] Someone reported me. See, this is my point.

[1139] It's like these mass, these very popular media websites.

[1140] Like, they always censor.

[1141] They get to a point where they have to censor.

[1142] Well, they're bad.

[1143] They're very extreme with censoring.

[1144] You know what's really crazy?

[1145] Twitter.

[1146] Because Twitter censors a lot.

[1147] And they censor based on, they censor rather, based on political discourse.

[1148] ideological discourse but they have hardcore porn i know i'm serious hardcore like hardcore like joe i'm not kidding coming in mouths i know yeah like mouths open i ropes of jism i yes yeah i just saw a video of that two days ago got just gagging i i went through i went through the the home page and i'm like whoa i didn't expect to see this Yeah, I can't, like, if my kids grab my phone and they start, like, going through Twitter, I'm like, hey!

[1149] Yeah.

[1150] How is that on there?

[1151] Why isn't it on there?

[1152] That's my question.

[1153] Like, I'm fine with it being on there.

[1154] No, I'm okay with it being on there, but why is that okay?

[1155] But I'm an adult, right?

[1156] Yeah.

[1157] I don't think, I mean, I think there's probably been studies on children's exposure to pornography and the detrimental effects of it.

[1158] I'm sure they're happening, right?

[1159] A ton.

[1160] It can't be good.

[1161] It's not good because that's what they expect.

[1162] Meaning when our kids hook up, they go like right to certain things instead of like, you know, how we went to first base, second base.

[1163] They're like, can I pound your asshole?

[1164] Like it's like.

[1165] Exactly.

[1166] Right away.

[1167] Yeah.

[1168] I read a study about the increase in anal sex activity amongst young kids.

[1169] And it was like off the charts.

[1170] But part of me was like, if you're a scientist, why is studying that?

[1171] like imagine you're like I want to cure cancer oh I want to study kids butt fucking how many kids are answering that honestly too right yeah yeah butt fuck all day so I'm doing is butt fucking your mom yeah who cares about kids cancer I want to know about it well I remember when I was a kid we would hear stories about girls who wanted to maintain their virginity so they would let their boyfriend fuck them in the ass that's the big thing that's not how it works but that's what they're doing in the suburbs In the suburbs.

[1172] Where they're less sophisticated.

[1173] Where I grew up, I'm not kidding.

[1174] They'll do anal because they can't get pregnant.

[1175] That's their thinking.

[1176] But it's also they maintain their virginity.

[1177] Like it doesn't count.

[1178] Right, right, exactly.

[1179] Well, that's also.

[1180] They don't break the hymen.

[1181] Oh, boy.

[1182] We're still living with like some, the echoes of our Puritan past.

[1183] Yeah.

[1184] You know?

[1185] But then it's like being overrun by the tide -of -wave of pornography on kids' phones.

[1186] Because everyone has a phone now.

[1187] if you give a kid a phone you're saying hey little fellow go watch people fuck right of course what do you think they're one yeah your 14 year old boy yeah it is a mess yeah it is a mess but it's amazing but it's going to end soon do you think it's going to end soon I don't think it's going to end but I don't know what's going to happen I'm pretty happy I'm really I've never been happier in my life really you're okay yeah I like a little bit of chaos like the thing about everything falling apart and people going wacky and crazy and screaming out people from a mile away to put their mask on.

[1188] I like it.

[1189] There's a part of me that enjoys it.

[1190] Do you like being like in the center of attention like having people go after you and like with all this stuff with the with the like you know with the virus and all this other shit do you like that?

[1191] Like does it stress you out when people?

[1192] I don't pay attention.

[1193] Do you read anything?

[1194] No. I don't read anything about me. I don't read anything about me. I don't read a lot either.

[1195] I don't think you can when you get to the position that I'm in.

[1196] I think it's unhealthy.

[1197] It is unhealthy.

[1198] It is unhealthy.

[1199] They wind up going crazy.

[1200] Yeah.

[1201] It's one of the things you see about celebrities.

[1202] There's like a certain level of celebrity where like the the reentry pressure is too hard on the hull and the spaceship falls apart.

[1203] You know, they just can't take it.

[1204] But if you just change your focus, it's not really that many people that are mad at you.

[1205] It's like an illusion.

[1206] It's like a few thousand people that are mad.

[1207] But that's half out of hundreds of millions.

[1208] But if you see those 3 ,000 tweets about you on Twitter, you're like, oh, my God, the world's ending.

[1209] No, it's 3 ,000 shut -ins that are emotionally stunted fucking weirdos who are angry at you for whatever, and most of it's not real, and most of it would be resolved if you were in a face -to -face conversation with them.

[1210] Right.

[1211] Because it would realize you're just a person.

[1212] It just having a conversation.

[1213] Yeah.

[1214] Well, there's no conversation.

[1215] It's basically, Louis C .K. said this to me once about things talking on the internet and people talking on the internet.

[1216] It really resonated.

[1217] He goes, when you see something written on Twitter, it goes, it's because it's written, it's shocking, but it's talk.

[1218] Like, it's just talk.

[1219] Like, people do that all the time.

[1220] They talk shit about people all the time.

[1221] Like, if someone is at the store and someone says something like, Mike, oh, that fucking guy, he sucks.

[1222] He's fucking terrible.

[1223] Like, but you see it written down.

[1224] And Mike reads that.

[1225] He's like, oh, my God, I suck.

[1226] I'm fucking.

[1227] terrible.

[1228] The person who said it might not even mean it and they only said it because you're not there, right?

[1229] It's the same thing with typing.

[1230] They type it out on Twitter and people read it and they get this weird thrill out of attacking people that they're throwing a rock over the fence and listening for a window breaking.

[1231] Ooh, exciting.

[1232] I broke something.

[1233] Like that's, it's part of the thing because it's completely alien and completely out of the history of the human race for a human being to be able to communicate instantaneously with a human being through text where they're not even there there's no they're no they're not writing a letter and pushing it across the table or sending you through the mail they're just communicating through text that instantaneously gets to you and they're anonymous they have an egg an egg for a profile and they might even be do you i put this thing up on instagram yesterday about 19 of the top 20 Christian websites that are on Facebook are run by Russian troll farms, 19 of the top 20.

[1234] Jamie, I'll send you the article because it's, have we seen the article?

[1235] The reason why I'm asking is because, like, you know, I don't know if you know my stepbrother, Zach Brough.

[1236] Did you know that?

[1237] Yeah.

[1238] No shit.

[1239] Yeah, for 35 years, longer than that.

[1240] I met him at the store one night.

[1241] Oh, really?

[1242] Yeah, he's a great person.

[1243] He's amazing.

[1244] But anyway, I remember him telling me, you're a lot of years ago.

[1245] ago like I don't read anything and I'm like that's so smart like you know because I feel like a lot of people do sit and look at the shit and I'm like you can't yeah here it is 2019 almost all Facebook's top Christian pages were run by foreign troll farms oh my God that's insane well I had this guy Mike Baker on a couple of days ago who's a former CIA operative he's explaining that what they're trying to do what Russia and China is trying to do to America is just keep us at each other's throats and encourage dissent, encourage a distrust in the political system.

[1246] Like he was saying that like when they were talking about Russia, that Russia wanted Trump to win or Russia wanted Hillary to win.

[1247] He goes, no, no, no. What Russia wants is us to lose all faith in our electoral process.

[1248] They want us to lose all faith.

[1249] They're doing a good job.

[1250] They are.

[1251] And we're helping them.

[1252] We're helping them.

[1253] We're making it just as bad.

[1254] Yeah.

[1255] Yeah, that doesn't surprise me at all.

[1256] But that's crazy.

[1257] Almost all, almost all of them, almost all the top pages run by Russian troll farms.

[1258] That's troll farms.

[1259] And they really are troll farms.

[1260] I had a woman on a few years back.

[1261] Her name is Renee DeResta and she did a study of all of these Russian troll farms and memes.

[1262] There's a place in Russia called the Internet Research Agency.

[1263] And all they do is create pages and then post memes.

[1264] and have things on these pages like it could be a Black Lives Matter page or it could be a Texas separatist page it could be a pro -life page or it could be a pro -choice page it doesn't matter to them what they're trying to do is get as many people engaged as possible and then stir shit up oh my so if they have a pro -life page they'll have a pro -life page and then they'll have a Russian troll will jump into their pro -life page where they've got all these people engaged in this pro -life talk and then someone will come in and and start talking about.

[1265] I've had 27 abortions.

[1266] I can't wait to have my 28th.

[1267] They'll have a, and they'll get these people, like, really fired up.

[1268] They'll get them fired up about what's happening on the border.

[1269] You know, they'll make up stories about the Haitians.

[1270] They're all coming in with AIDS.

[1271] There's a manifesto.

[1272] They're trying to fuck all your kids.

[1273] And how do you even stop that?

[1274] You can't.

[1275] It's impossible.

[1276] Like, the managing at scale, and this is the thing.

[1277] People criticize YouTube and they criticize Facebook and all these social media platforms, but the reality is these people are managing at scale and they're dealing with billions and billions and billions of human beings that are posting content all day long.

[1278] There's no way to handle it.

[1279] And when you have these foreign companies, these foreign countries that are supported by their own political parties, and they've decided, you know, the governments of all these companies support, or these countries rather, support these.

[1280] troll farms like the russian internet research agency they control the the government controls that so what they do is their their their whole plan is this slow build up of dissent and separation in america they're wedging this this gigantic ideological they're shoving this wedge in between our culture they're separating the left and the right they're making people more polarized they're making people like more galvanized to whatever their thoughts are it's wild what do you think's going to happen that's a very general question this is what i think could fix it all what legalization of psychedelic drugs really yes 100 percent i really do believe that because it's the thing that keeps me from falling into that i don't i don't buy into it at all and uh i think one of the reasons why i don't buy into it is because i've had so many psychedelic trips i just Do you do the ayahuasca thing?

[1281] I haven't done that.

[1282] I've done DMT.

[1283] I know a lot of people who are doing that.

[1284] A lot of people are doing it with great success.

[1285] The thing about the ayahuasca thing, it's like, you know, you've got to go to a place, takes a long time.

[1286] There's, there's MDMA therapies that they're doing right now with soldiers that have had PTSD that's been incredibly successful.

[1287] You know, that's a really interesting psychedelic because MDMA relieves a lot of your anxiety and it makes you very loving and it makes you just like drops all of your insecurities.

[1288] And that's helping a lot of soldiers.

[1289] And then there's five methoxy DMT, there's DMT, there's psilocybin.

[1290] Ketamine?

[1291] Yeah, ketamine, which has been a lot of, it's been great for people with depression.

[1292] Yep.

[1293] I think there's a lot of these things that can help alleviate a lot of the tension and anxiety.

[1294] And the thing about psychedelics, like generally speaking is very general, but they bring people closer together.

[1295] They make people realize, they make people feel humble in the face of these overwhelming experiences and they make people realize that we're kind of all in this together and the only thing that really counts is love and the reason why people lash out online like most of them don't have any love they're missing love you know it's one of the reasons why i don't do it my life is filled with love i'm very lucky that's why i don't do it but the people that do it i see them and i say they're probably sad and it's fear it's fear it's fear constantly in fear and they're trying to hurt people yeah they're trying to hurt other people because they're hurt yeah or they're not hurt people hurt people, hurt people.

[1296] Well, I think psychedelic drugs, and I don't even like to say drugs, because drugs, you fall into this blanket of a bunch of shit that has completely different psychoactive effects on the mind, but psychedelic compounds, I think, could have a significant impact on the way we see the world and the way we treat each other.

[1297] I really do.

[1298] I really, really think that that could have a huge shift, whether it's micro dosing, just to change the tone of general everyday society, but still remaining functional and being able to, you know, compete in the marketplace and do your art and, you know, and take care of your kids.

[1299] And there's a lot of things that people can do that can enhance everyday life.

[1300] It's based on these compounds that we already know exist.

[1301] Yeah.

[1302] I totally get it.

[1303] And it's amazing to me what people think just from reading stuff online or seeing a video or reading a tweet, you know, Like I was at the creek in the cave and I had never met you before and you know you came up to me and sat down with me and I'm like oh my god he and I know this just from being in the business for so long but I'm like what a nice sweet regular guy like you literally just sat down with me and I felt like I had met you 50 times and you were just so kind and genuine and humble like really normal you know you really were and I love that what did you expect?

[1304] I don't know I mean sometimes people are just a little off wall up you know distant not eye contact a little off like you were very like had eye contact genuine like just like a buddy like I've met you you know you were very quote unquote normal to me and that's not always common well you're a comic right you're my tribe right I get it yeah that's how I am too yeah I saw you out comics were like that but yes Yeah, when I found out you were there, I saw you out.

[1305] I know, I noticed it.

[1306] You came right over to me and sat with me and, you know, and just talked like we had met and you, but that's what I want, like people might not know that, you know, they just read shit or whatever about famous people.

[1307] Yeah.

[1308] You know, it bothers me. Well, because it's an untouchable position, like it's like it's unreachable.

[1309] They think of them themselves being in that spot and they can't imagine it.

[1310] It's so far away from their reality that they assume that anybody.

[1311] who gets to that point is compromised.

[1312] You sold your soul to the devil and, you know, all these different things.

[1313] They feel like you're not a person anymore.

[1314] Which is so ridiculous.

[1315] It is, but there's oftentimes when people do meet famous people, they do encounter walls.

[1316] They feel like this person has a wall.

[1317] And some of it's because the people that are talking are idiots.

[1318] Yeah.

[1319] They're just bumbling fucking dorks.

[1320] It just, can I get a picture holding your tits?

[1321] I know.

[1322] You know, people are nuts, right?

[1323] And they don't know.

[1324] And also people don't know how to react around, like I remember the first time I ever met Anthony Bourdain.

[1325] I said, my wife says you're my boyfriend.

[1326] Like, oh, my God.

[1327] Was he like, what the fuck?

[1328] Because my wife used to say, oh, you're watching your boyfriend on TV.

[1329] She would always joke around because I love that no reservation show.

[1330] Yeah.

[1331] So I said that to him.

[1332] It came out totally wrong.

[1333] I know.

[1334] But that's, you know, he's a guy like really admired.

[1335] And here he is.

[1336] He's right there.

[1337] And you're all uncomfortable and weird.

[1338] And so people are going to be like that with you.

[1339] I bet he was so down to earth.

[1340] He's super normal.

[1341] Yeah.

[1342] He was great.

[1343] So was De Niro.

[1344] Like I worked with De Niro.

[1345] Yeah.

[1346] What did you do with De Niro?

[1347] Oh, Joe, this is the best story.

[1348] I was at the cellar late at night and he was there with Taylor Hackford.

[1349] Who's that?

[1350] He's a huge director, married to Helen Mirren.

[1351] He was the head of the Directors Guild, directed Ray and officer and a gentleman, like a huge the matter movies huge and denier was looking for comics to be in his movie and i was doing a set and i do this thing in my act where i turn around and talk to myself um my specials called talking to myself where i have an inner dialogue and i'm like doesn't matter how this goes you'll never make it you know like i have a whole right right right right right put my back to the audience and and and he loved it and i i went to florida to do an old age community fucking Jewish show.

[1352] Oh boy.

[1353] And that Saturday I get a call.

[1354] And it's Taylor Hackford.

[1355] And he's like, this is Taylor Hackford.

[1356] And I'm like, okay, I had no idea who the hell he was.

[1357] And he's like, Bob would like to meet with you on Wednesday.

[1358] And I'm like, Bob who?

[1359] I had no idea.

[1360] I'm like, Bob the builder.

[1361] I had no idea.

[1362] And he's like Bob De Niro.

[1363] And I'm like, okay.

[1364] So I'm like, I can make it.

[1365] So I walk into the office.

[1366] And I walk in the room and he's sitting.

[1367] there and I was not starstruck.

[1368] It was the weirdest thing because he looked like just a guy from off the street.

[1369] Like he had jeans on and I don't know.

[1370] I just, he was like a regular guy to me. Yeah.

[1371] And I sat with him for three hours and I hit it off with him and to make a very long story short, I ended up being his right hand person in this movie.

[1372] I had a producer credit.

[1373] I was in his ear the whole time on a microphone.

[1374] I taught him how to do stand up.

[1375] He played a comic who had been doing it for 36 years in a movie called The Comedian I ended up directing some of the scenes um I mean it might have been like six years ago something like that why do I not know about this oh you got it yeah it's it's it's a yeah that's he and I yeah we became very close wow I love him dearly comedian gives tips to Robert De Niro yeah he's a he's an amazing person he really is that's cool so down to earth you would think he has the biggest ego he has no ego You can't be that good.

[1376] He doesn't.

[1377] I mean, to be as good as he is, you've got to have a pretty strong mind.

[1378] Yeah, he's not.

[1379] And he, I think like that I never was starstruck with him.

[1380] Like, I didn't care.

[1381] Yeah.

[1382] I just sat with him and was like, and we're still very close.

[1383] And I love him.

[1384] I really do.

[1385] Like, he just doesn't give a shit.

[1386] He's so, he's so funny.

[1387] Like, he has all these.

[1388] He's kids.

[1389] He's like, he's just really amazing.

[1390] He's really amazing.

[1391] How many kids do you have?

[1392] He's six kids.

[1393] Wow.

[1394] Yeah.

[1395] With one lady or a gang of chicks?

[1396] No, a couple.

[1397] A couple of different.

[1398] A couple of different baby moms.

[1399] Yeah, we look talking about women to get, like, he's fucking amazing.

[1400] Yeah.

[1401] He's all.

[1402] He just got divorced.

[1403] I know.

[1404] When guys are that old, and they get divorced, I'm like, how bad must it be?

[1405] Yeah, for the second time.

[1406] When you're like, you want to be alone and you're 78 or?

[1407] whatever he is.

[1408] Well, the guy, let me tell you something.

[1409] He's hot.

[1410] He works out every morning at five in the morning with a trainer.

[1411] He's built.

[1412] He has tattoos all over him.

[1413] I mean, I used to sit in his trail.

[1414] Yeah, he's tatted up.

[1415] He's got muscle.

[1416] Robert De Niro has tattoos all over the person.

[1417] I know, his chest.

[1418] Jamie find these.

[1419] Does he have photos of them?

[1420] There might be.

[1421] I mean, there might be photos on.

[1422] But I would sit with him in his trailer.

[1423] He was getting his makeup done.

[1424] But hung out with Harvey Keitel.

[1425] They were all in the movie.

[1426] Harvey Keitel, Danny DeVito.

[1427] And I used to go out to dinner with them and lunch with them every day.

[1428] And, and.

[1429] I would be stars talking about Harvey's like you know Harvey was like I want to take you to lunch I want you to teach me how to do stand up so I went to lunch with him I'm like I am not teaching every old actor now how to talk but I said to Harvey why did you know your Jewish guy from New York why did you become a Marine he goes so I could kill people that's what he said to me whoa yeah he's a tough dude he might not want you to tell people that and he he he doesn't give a shit he's fucking he what an actor and he's a fucking he what an actor one little bitch -ass tattoo yeah but he has more than that no he has more than that he's a hundred years old in this movie no no he has more than that on the other arm he does he has more than that for sure a lot of them like me no not like you he doesn't have any tattoos wow he must have got him after yeah one year is that looks really recently click on that Robert Teneiro at the beach no he doesn't have them like you this three years ago you crazy you line, bitch?

[1430] No, you saw.

[1431] First of all, why are you lying about Robert DeNaro's tattoos?

[1432] No, I'm not, because they might have put more on him for the movie.

[1433] I'm an idiot.

[1434] Oh, okay.

[1435] But he does have them.

[1436] Okay, they're not real.

[1437] No, he has one in that photo.

[1438] Yeah, I got one little bitch -ass tattoo.

[1439] Look at that stupid little tiger crawling up his leg.

[1440] No, but seriously, it was after he had makeup done.

[1441] Maybe they put extra on him.

[1442] I don't know.

[1443] I don't know if they did.

[1444] Yeah.

[1445] How weird, though.

[1446] Did they appear in the movie the tattoos?

[1447] Maybe he got him removed.

[1448] No, he did have more tattoos in the movie.

[1449] He did.

[1450] Maybe he got him removed.

[1451] He did because he was playing younger.

[1452] They painted his beard black, you know, his mustache black.

[1453] He had a black mustache and black.

[1454] So they probably, he wasn't gray in the movie.

[1455] Wanted to make him some degenerate type character.

[1456] Yeah, he was like in his 60s in the movie.

[1457] Okay.

[1458] But he was great.

[1459] And he has no, he has no, like, he's not stuck up or, like, he's not egotistical.

[1460] He's not what you people would think he is.

[1461] Well, he's a real artist.

[1462] Amazing.

[1463] I mean, if you want to do a film like taxi driver or Cape Fear or any, you mean, any of the transformative movies, Raging Bull, I mean, he was literally the first actor decided he's going to gain weight for a movie.

[1464] Right.

[1465] No one did that before him.

[1466] He transformed his literal body.

[1467] I mean, he was fucking shredded and then he became like really overweight for that movie, Raging Bull.

[1468] I know.

[1469] want to hear the best story the first day of filming was at a deli in Brooklyn and Taylor Hackford didn't even know that he like hired me to be his like right hand person so De Niro says Jessica calls me and he's like I want you to come to Brooklyn come to the to the filming today I need you to punch up some jokes for me I'm like oh boy does Taylor know I'm coming he's like I don't care just want you to show up and help me out so I show up he's in the middle I get there a little late because of traffic.

[1470] He's in the middle of doing a scene with Danny DeVito and Patty Lepone who plays Danny DeVito's wife, right?

[1471] So I walk in, De Niro runs up to me, goes, I need a joke for this line.

[1472] So I give him a joke.

[1473] So I go waiting aside and he says the line and Patty and Danny start hysterically laughing.

[1474] So Taylor starts yelling.

[1475] What the fuck is going on here?

[1476] We got to get through this.

[1477] Why are they laughing?

[1478] So he goes, well, Jessica came in and gave me a joke so he comes over and he starts yelling at me this is the first day of filming he goes you can't just do this you can't just come in here and screw up everything De Niro took his arm and he goes if you ever fucking talk to her like he starts screaming I'm like what is happening where am I I'm in the filming with Robert De Niro I was just at the cellar doing a set like what is happening he goes don't you ever fucking talk to her like that again I mean that's set the tone for the next six months because he knew not to talk to me and like he set the tone like don't ever talk to her and I'm just sitting there like eating a freakinish like where am I what's happening did it settle down?

[1479] Oh he I was treated like gold after that his temper is yeah you don't I mean when he yelled my hair blew like my hair blew back like a lion's ruler yeah he's a he's you don't screw with him What was Harvey Keitel like?

[1480] So intense.

[1481] So what you would think he is.

[1482] And he would get enraged before a scene.

[1483] You know, he was a real Meisner actor.

[1484] Like, totally what you would think.

[1485] Very charming, attract.

[1486] I mean, the three of them together, can you imagine?

[1487] Amazing.

[1488] Going to dinner with Danny DeVito, Harvey Keitel, and De Niro.

[1489] I mean, it was like unreal.

[1490] That's incredible.

[1491] And Leslie Mann was in it.

[1492] So Jud was around a lot.

[1493] I mean, it was fun.

[1494] Wow.

[1495] It was fun.

[1496] Did you ever see Bad Lieutenant?

[1497] Oh, my God.

[1498] It's his masterpiece.

[1499] I got to see that.

[1500] It's a film that, like, does, it's not that famous in terms of, you know, like, he was in Pulp Fiction, he's been in so many films, but that, that is probably his piece to resistance.

[1501] It's a masterpiece.

[1502] It's, it's about this crazy, corrupt cop.

[1503] It's a wild fucking movie.

[1504] Like, wild.

[1505] And I think it was in, I want to say it was in the 80s.

[1506] 92 okay 1992 fucking crazy movie I got to see it I mean he was the acting watching them act together yeah was just unbelievable he pulls over these girls wow look at him yeah that's the cover of the the um there's like a poster that's the poster of the movie right there go down the yeah that's it right there gambler thief junkie killer cop junkie yeah it is a great movie I can't recommend it enough there's so many wild fucking scenes in that but he just plays this completely out of control cop and you believe every second of it there's no better actor I mean those are the top besides Pacino and couple of other people yeah yeah that those are good as it gets I mean I used I would just watch them and be in shock yeah well you you realize that like there's actors that are just trying to be famous and then there's people who are legitimately artists and they can do things in a movie that no one else can do they can do things you know just like like the way a comic can kill they they when they're you know you've been doing comedy for 25 years right they can do that with acting they have this just like this precision way of encapsulating the character and they have rapport with each other some of them have worked together so many times that it's like Incredible.

[1507] Isn't that wild?

[1508] Like, we think about, you think about what an actor is.

[1509] Like, you go to see a movie and this guy is the captain of like a spaceship and, you know, he's talking to this guy who's the president, but you know who these people are.

[1510] Like, you know, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's Will Smith, you know, that's this person.

[1511] Like, this is not really, but you buy it, right?

[1512] Oh, it's Tom Cruise.

[1513] Like, you buy it, but even though you know exactly who they are.

[1514] Isn't that great?

[1515] It's weird.

[1516] It's very weird.

[1517] You don't think about that.

[1518] Also, that's what we want.

[1519] We want the people we already know.

[1520] Oh, it's fucking that guy.

[1521] You know, we want that, you know?

[1522] Yeah.

[1523] Even when you know them personally, you still believe it.

[1524] Sure.

[1525] Think about it.

[1526] Like a friend of yours is in a movie.

[1527] You still believe it.

[1528] Yeah.

[1529] Like if Bill Burr is in something, you still don't see him as Bill.

[1530] Exactly.

[1531] That's, yeah.

[1532] Yeah.

[1533] It's very strange that we want famous people to play parts in movies where we know.

[1534] Like, that's one of the great things I think about Game of Thrones.

[1535] is that Oh, what a great show Amazing show But no one really in that show Was a very famous actor No one But they're all brilliant Brilliant But you John Snow was John Snow He didn't have another point of reference You know You didn't think Oh is that dude from that sitcom With fucking Molly Shannon From the 90s You know you didn't think that No But now you'll think it When he's in something else That's John Snow It's John Snow That's the problem, you know?

[1536] Like Michael Imperioli is Christopher Maltesanti for the rest of his fucking life, whether he likes it or not.

[1537] Yeah.

[1538] You know, that's just who he is.

[1539] Yeah.

[1540] You know what I mean?

[1541] I mean, there was such an amazing, iconic, like when he was in here, he, he came in to do a podcast and I'm sitting there talking to him.

[1542] I'm like, that's Christopher Maltesante.

[1543] No, it's Michael Imperioly.

[1544] He's a great actor.

[1545] He's got to like, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1546] But he's the guy from the Sopranos.

[1547] Well, there's some roles where you always see that person as, you know.

[1548] Al Bundy.

[1549] Exactly.

[1550] But then some you don't always see them as.

[1551] But yeah, of course.

[1552] Like Al Bundy, you always see him as Al Bundy.

[1553] He's always going to be Al Bundy.

[1554] Yeah, to me too.

[1555] Yeah.

[1556] Ed O 'Neill's Al Bundy, period.

[1557] Yeah.

[1558] Even in that modern family show, he's like a newer version of Al Bundy.

[1559] I still see him as Al Bundy in that show.

[1560] It'll always be that way.

[1561] And then his wife from that when she was on Sons of Anarchy, I'm like, oh, that's Peg Buny.

[1562] I know.

[1563] That was one of my favorite shows.

[1564] I never watched it.

[1565] It was great.

[1566] Yeah?

[1567] I loved it.

[1568] It's dark as shit.

[1569] Yeah?

[1570] I feel like you should watch it.

[1571] Okay.

[1572] It's dark.

[1573] It's too many things to watch.

[1574] I know.

[1575] I don't watch anything.

[1576] I know.

[1577] I don't watch a lot of TV anymore.

[1578] No?

[1579] No. What do you watch?

[1580] I play video games on my phone.

[1581] No, you don't.

[1582] I do.

[1583] What do you play like subway surfer?

[1584] I play slots a lot.

[1585] I mean, not for real money.

[1586] Oh my God.

[1587] You are an old Jewish.

[1588] lady i play mahjohn and uh you play slots on your phone is there more of a waste of time than just fucking they're fun slots that they're from the real casinos where you you know oh play they're don't win any money they're not dumb like yeah you wait you win fake money but they're mindless i need to do mindless shit oh i see i can't i get very like i'm always in my head right i'm talking to myself all day so you need like a little bit of a break yeah even some shows can be too intense like I just don't want to think a lot yeah I like I like like you know dumb TV like entertainment yes just entertain me yeah yeah just take me away for a little bit yes yeah yeah when you say um you like mindless things and you like video games is there anything else that you do to like just disconnect just a other than video games I go completely disconnect when I'm around them I love being with them.

[1589] I started up taking, you know, I'm going to start playing tennis again.

[1590] That's something I did my whole childhood and want to start.

[1591] That shit's rough on the knees.

[1592] I know, but I love it so much.

[1593] So I used to play a lot.

[1594] My mom's very into pickleball.

[1595] That's like a new, she plays every day.

[1596] I've heard of that term, but I do not know what it means.

[1597] I've heard that.

[1598] People say they're going to play pickleball.

[1599] I'm like, what are you even saying?

[1600] And I don't even Google it.

[1601] It's with a smaller racket and like a, do you want to show him with the racket?

[1602] What the pickleball is.

[1603] Yeah.

[1604] And like a very, the ball is like, isn't it like a...

[1605] It's like a wiffle ball.

[1606] Yeah.

[1607] Really?

[1608] Yeah.

[1609] Let me see.

[1610] Let's see some pickle ball.

[1611] It's a huge thing now.

[1612] Look at the court.

[1613] It's a small court.

[1614] Yeah.

[1615] That's real?

[1616] That's the paddle and ball.

[1617] Yeah.

[1618] It's like all the rave now.

[1619] When did this get invented?

[1620] I think a long time ago.

[1621] Is this for people who can't move good?

[1622] Yeah, this is probably better for me. I don't have to, even move yeah look at these old dead people but it's you have to move it's like uh you move more than ping pong less than tennis look at that lady with the blue visor how intense she is yeah look at her look at her she wants to win she hates she hates her husband and she wants to win that's what i see in that picture i might be wrong i've played it twice the rules are confusing the rules are what the rules are confusing i'll be honest with you i it'd be hard for me to try to explain to you right now it's not like a doubles tennis thing No, because there's rules about how you have to say the score, and you can't, that little area in the front here, that line.

[1623] Yeah.

[1624] That area is called the kitchen.

[1625] You can't hit from inside the kitchen.

[1626] Oh.

[1627] And why it's even called that is, it almost gets confusing.

[1628] My mom is like a top player in her town.

[1629] Like, she's amazing at it.

[1630] She got a hundred score yesterday for her games last week.

[1631] Like, she's amazing.

[1632] She's an amazing shape, though.

[1633] No, she's really, she's incredible.

[1634] So this pickleball keeps her active.

[1635] Yeah, she plays.

[1636] an incredible shape and she plays every day she's like in a league does it move slower is that what the idea like let me see a video yeah i wonder if you yeah you just can't hit fast that that because it's a wiffleball you know like it there's only a limit to the speed what is pickleball there's a learn about one of the fastest growing yeah it's like the biggest thing let's see you're that dork guys about pickleball pickleball is the fastest growing sport in america yeah was invented by three dads on Bainbridge Island back in 1965.

[1637] Oh, Seattle.

[1638] It's a combination of tennis, ping pong, and badminton.

[1639] It's played on a badminton -sized court with a net about two inches shorter than a tennis net.

[1640] You play it with a paddle a little bit bigger than a ping pong paddle and a little more durable, wiffle ball.

[1641] You can play it as either doubles or singles.

[1642] So singles is one -on -one, doubles is a combination of two teams, two -on -two.

[1643] It's growing for a number of reasons.

[1644] It's a lot easier on the body, and it's a lot easier to pick up.

[1645] Most racquet sports require hours and hours of lessons.

[1646] But with pickleball, you can walk onto a court, pick up a paddle, and within five minutes of learning how to play, you can be playing a competitive game with your friends.

[1647] Oh, all of a sudden, I want to play pickleball.

[1648] Me too.

[1649] I'm going to do that instead.

[1650] Like you watch a video and all of a sudden you want to start cooking.

[1651] Look, I want to make a brisket.

[1652] I want to learn pickleball.

[1653] That really sold it for me. I get sold so easy.

[1654] In five minutes, you can play.

[1655] and you don't have to move hardly.

[1656] I started looking at videos about building furniture and I started thinking about really making my own furniture.

[1657] You should make your own furniture.

[1658] Why?

[1659] Because too much time.

[1660] But when I see people do it and they get excited, I see them plain in the wood and everything, I go, oh, that looks awesome.

[1661] Yeah, that's not my thing, believe it or not, because I'm a lesbian, but my wife would do it, even though she's very feminine.

[1662] She likes that shit.

[1663] Yeah, she's not Jewish.

[1664] Jewish people don't make furniture?

[1665] We don't make anything.

[1666] We don't even change a light bulb.

[1667] What do you do?

[1668] We hire people.

[1669] Well, that's allocation of time.

[1670] It's smart, you know?

[1671] My father couldn't do anything like that.

[1672] No?

[1673] No, he would get so angry that he couldn't do it, too.

[1674] Fucking shit!

[1675] And when my dad was angry, he would rip off his toupee and throw it.

[1676] Oh, my God, that would have been amazing.

[1677] Yeah.

[1678] He would rip it off?

[1679] Yeah, he'd go, what the fuck and just rip it off the tape and then throw it across the room.

[1680] Did you go, oh my God?

[1681] Yeah, I was like, okay.

[1682] Did you know that it wasn't his real hair?

[1683] Yeah, yeah.

[1684] I did.

[1685] I'd watch and put it on.

[1686] Was there ever a time where that was acceptable?

[1687] What?

[1688] Two pays.

[1689] His looked pretty good.

[1690] Like it was expensive.

[1691] He was a good -looking man. Well, sometimes he was lazy with it and it looked like he just ran over an animal and just like threw it in the air and wherever it landed.

[1692] It was...

[1693] Whenever I think of two -pays, I think about Goodfellas.

[1694] And that dude, Morty's wigs, we jump in the pool.

[1695] Right.

[1696] but his was a fortune and it was like and it was on like a white one of those styrofoam heads like he took care of it nice they brush it and condition it he talked it and walked it it oh my god the day they figure out how to stop balding for men i know would you ever wear i'm thinking about wearing one right now oh god i'm thinking of like making it real obvious real obvious that that would be with a pick in it you should really and then we'll go to gospel church You know what guys are doing now?

[1697] What?

[1698] They're getting stubble tattooed on their head.

[1699] Wow.

[1700] Yeah, it's very realistic.

[1701] It's really weird because like, say, like you could see my stubble on the sides where I have hair.

[1702] What they're doing is they're tattooing stubble all over the top of their head.

[1703] It's like a new thing over the last, I don't know, 10 years or so.

[1704] When did you go bald?

[1705] Slowly.

[1706] Yeah.

[1707] Yeah, that's it.

[1708] Oh, wow.

[1709] That looks good.

[1710] I started going bald when I was in.

[1711] in my early 20s.

[1712] Yeah, isn't it weird, though?

[1713] It's very weird.

[1714] Because here's my thought.

[1715] Like, if you look at, if you look at these tattoos that I have, this one's, they're both, they're more than 10 years old.

[1716] And the lines have started to get a little blurry.

[1717] So my thought is like, if the line, those little dots start getting blurry, you're just going to have mush on the top of your head.

[1718] Like, how do they keep that from happening?

[1719] I don't know, but that must kill.

[1720] I don't know.

[1721] I don't know.

[1722] I mean, tattoos don't really hurt that much.

[1723] It killed me. Really?

[1724] Where'd you get it?

[1725] On my back.

[1726] I have two on my back that killed on my shoulder, believe it.

[1727] But I'm a, I think the back is real sensitive, though.

[1728] Yeah.

[1729] Like, there's spots that hurt, like, this spot right here, down by the elbow, that's very sensitive.

[1730] Right by your bone.

[1731] Yeah.

[1732] And up here by my chest is very sensitive.

[1733] Really?

[1734] Yeah.

[1735] But the shoulders, you could fall asleep.

[1736] Like, if I'm getting tattooed on my shoulder, I could literally fall asleep.

[1737] It doesn't feel like anything.

[1738] It's weird how, like, much more sensitive.

[1739] certain areas are.

[1740] I heard on the top of your foot is horrible.

[1741] Ooh, I bet.

[1742] Yeah, that seems like it would be real sensitive.

[1743] The top of your hands, I bet that would be real sensitive.

[1744] Yeah.

[1745] So your head would be real sensitive then.

[1746] I think it would really hurt.

[1747] That's a good sound.

[1748] Would scalp micropigmentation be another way of saying head tattoo?

[1749] Yeah, that's what it is.

[1750] Right, okay.

[1751] 100%.

[1752] Right, that's just saying those words differently.

[1753] They're saying micropigmentation.

[1754] to make you feel like you're not getting your head tattooed right because that's what that is it's needles It's little tiny dots yeah the problem is like like I said if it after time It's gonna like you could see these lines they used to be they still look great but they used to be More defined like they get a little blurry over time.

[1755] That's so you could tell an old tattoo Oh yeah a fresh tattoo so when you're looking at those dudes heads like right now it looks like real stubble because you just got it you know but then then it's gonna look like yeah it's gonna look weird and then if a girl like rubs your head she's gonna go hey why is it so smooth what the fuck is all the stubble you someone's got a stubble fetish she's like uh rub it rub your head on my pussy yeah a cue imagine this is a very they've had to work on this sentence so that it doesn't say it's a non -invasive treatment that uses detailed micro needles to deposit pigment into the scalp oh it's like a tattoo but different it gives you the look of a buzz cut or a short hair stubble so why don't you Google what happens to micro pigmentation in 10 years that's what I want to know it's not a good situation it's gonna be horrible it's like the top of your head unless you want to go full Travis Barker like Travis Barker's a wild motherfucker he just tattooed his whole top of his head like where his hair line is but it's like cool designs and that's cool heads and shit Wow.

[1756] You're not wrong.

[1757] Oh, is that what it looks like?

[1758] I think so.

[1759] Okay.

[1760] Removal after 10 years.

[1761] Oh, he's got it removed.

[1762] He's getting it removed.

[1763] Oh, wow.

[1764] What's this guy saying?

[1765] Let's hear what he's saying.

[1766] It sucks being bald again.

[1767] I don't know how else to say it.

[1768] Having this goofy hair line doesn't help, but just not having my hair line again.

[1769] I feel exposed again.

[1770] I feel not confident.

[1771] It's pretty crazy.

[1772] So check out my video of me getting the laser.

[1773] Go to the beginning, but why is he doing it?

[1774] Sad, depressed.

[1775] So in this moment, I lived with four other guys, always had a hat on, and I had makeup in my hair all the time.

[1776] It was, I got to the point where you can tell now I got too bald where even makeup wasn't, wasn't able to hide how ball that was.

[1777] This is so depressing.

[1778] I felt exposed in this picture, as you can clearly see.

[1779] So anyway, found hair tattoo.

[1780] Scout micropermutation is another word for it, by the way.

[1781] This was my initial treatment.

[1782] So this was two years after I got my treatment done.

[1783] So this was 2011.

[1784] And that already shows right there.

[1785] I was so grateful for this in the moment.

[1786] Looking at it now, I mean, I'm so grateful for it, happy to have it.

[1787] I'd have this over the alternative, what I just showed you, not having hair.

[1788] But look how goofy that hairline looks.

[1789] It doesn't look natural.

[1790] It doesn't look appropriate.

[1791] Look at that sharp line down here.

[1792] It doesn't look like a natural hair line, but definitely a semblance of hair.

[1793] Definitely better than, you know, what we just had, for sure.

[1794] So that was me two years later.

[1795] And then I decided a few years after that, I started training people.

[1796] how to do this.

[1797] And when I trained someone I thought was pretty good, I had him do my hairline.

[1798] That's not the best picture of the hairline there.

[1799] But anyway, it just looks stamped on after a while.

[1800] Again, in the moment, it was great.

[1801] The evolution of this industry.

[1802] Oh, hold on.

[1803] Play it back there.

[1804] Results just got a lot better.

[1805] I know I've produced results a lot better than what I'm wearing on myself.

[1806] So it's actually been a long time coming for me to do something like this.

[1807] But, you know, I feel exposed right now.

[1808] I got one session done.

[1809] Oh, so he is taking it off and putting it back on.

[1810] Yeah, because he just, like, did it too early.

[1811] He did it when they...

[1812] Oh, so go to the end where they're putting it back on them.

[1813] Right.

[1814] Oh, no, he's got glasses.

[1815] They're cooking it off.

[1816] This is them taking it off.

[1817] Yikes.

[1818] Yeah.

[1819] They take it off with lasers.

[1820] So he's getting it taken off, and then he's going to get it done again with the new technology.

[1821] He just cooked his head.

[1822] He cooked his head.

[1823] Look at he's cooking his head.

[1824] Whoa, son.

[1825] Nice.

[1826] That's supposed to be super painful.

[1827] Very much more painful.

[1828] I've got an old tattoo that I've been thinking about getting lasered off to finish this sleeve.

[1829] And I heard it's very painful.

[1830] It's supposed to be very painful.

[1831] But they say tattoos are painful too.

[1832] I think it's really dependent on...

[1833] That stuff's apparently only been around for 12 years.

[1834] The micropigmentation?

[1835] You know, it looks like 10 years later.

[1836] Oh.

[1837] So he was the early adopter.

[1838] See, that's the thing.

[1839] It's like he's getting it lasered off because I think it all gets blurry.

[1840] It looks fake.

[1841] It looks like you got, you know...

[1842] Yeah, it initially can last between five and ten years, so...

[1843] So what do you do after five years, though?

[1844] That's what I'm saying.

[1845] Go to Travis Barker's head.

[1846] This might be the better option.

[1847] Just tattoo everything else over it?

[1848] Yeah, Travis Barker and Jason Ellis has his head tattooed.

[1849] Like, I think he's got a wolf's head up there.

[1850] I think that's a better idea to just get something random.

[1851] Travis Barker's got wild shit tattooed on his head.

[1852] He's a real tattoo junkie.

[1853] I mean, he's essentially got every part of his body tattooed.

[1854] Oh, Courtney Kardashian tattoos.

[1855] I love you on his arm.

[1856] He's getting tattoos over tattoos.

[1857] But see if you could find some photos of his head tattoo because it's pretty detailed.

[1858] It's cool when you see it in real life.

[1859] It's very interesting.

[1860] He's got really good work, you know.

[1861] Yeah, look at his tattoo.

[1862] I mean, they're amazing.

[1863] There you go.

[1864] You see the top of his head.

[1865] get in the yeah it's like a woman yeah it's like a i mean if you're gonna get a head tattoo you know that's incredible yeah well you know he goes to guys like mr cartoon and some of the best tattoo artists in the world but you know he's just he loves tattoos he's a really nice guy like a super super nice guy what is that he's got a fucking gas mask in the back of it one life one chance is that reggie watts he's got reggie watts tattooed on the back of his head he's an odd fella but he's a really really nice guy really nice guy i can i see that he with that that hard that uh plane accident was horrible yeah that story yeah that's a scary story oh yeah terrifying i mean is that why he got some i wonder if that's why he got so many tattoos because of the burns and everything could very well yeah yeah yeah is that what it is i think some of them yeah sure he mean he had to get a bunch of skin grafts and all kinds of stuff.

[1866] The skin grafts weren't taking because he's a vegan.

[1867] So he was eating, like, he was telling me he was eating a bunch of beef jerky and shit, just eating all kinds of meat just to try to get his body to heal quicker.

[1868] Made a big difference.

[1869] Yeah.

[1870] He's vegan for, you know, ideological reasons.

[1871] And so when he had this injury, he had to just put that aside and just eat meat to heal up.

[1872] He owns Crossroads.

[1873] He's one of the owners of, like, one of the best vegan restaurants in L .A. Wow.

[1874] It's supposed to be really good.

[1875] Yeah.

[1876] My friend who's not vegan at all went there.

[1877] My friend Dana White went there and said, dude, it's fucking amazing.

[1878] The food's fantastic.

[1879] It's like you forget you're eating vegan.

[1880] Yeah.

[1881] I've been to some great vegan restaurants in L .A. There's a few of them.

[1882] I mean, it's like everything else.

[1883] Some people just do it right.

[1884] You know, some people like everything.

[1885] Some people are just artists.

[1886] I know.

[1887] They really know how to do it.

[1888] They have great restaurants here in Austin.

[1889] Fuck yeah, they do.

[1890] I love it here.

[1891] So you should move here.

[1892] I know.

[1893] I wish I could.

[1894] When I open up my club, move here.

[1895] Bring your kids.

[1896] Just drag him across the country.

[1897] I think I'm going to start coming like every six weeks or something.

[1898] I love it here.

[1899] Well.

[1900] I'm serious.

[1901] It's so great.

[1902] I'd be happy if you did that.

[1903] It'd be awesome.

[1904] I really like I just, it's so amazing here.

[1905] And the audiences are incredible.

[1906] Incredible, right?

[1907] They're so great.

[1908] We had a late show last night, 10 .30 on a Wednesday.

[1909] It was incredible.

[1910] The show was over at like 12 .30 and fucking people were like full of energy.

[1911] So much fun.

[1912] I did Moon Tower last week.

[1913] I did like 12 shows.

[1914] They were unreal.

[1915] It's the best town.

[1916] You know what it is?

[1917] It's not too big.

[1918] It's not overwhelming.

[1919] It's not, there's like a thing that happens when you get so many million people where people don't give a fuck about it, each other.

[1920] That doesn't happen here.

[1921] It's like the vibe is still very friendly and fairly small.

[1922] Yeah.

[1923] No, it was great.

[1924] It was really great.

[1925] I did, uh, I, I love the audiences because no matter what.

[1926] What, where people stand and the political shit, it's not divided.

[1927] Like everyone gets together and laughs.

[1928] There's still a great energy.

[1929] It's, because in some cities, it's really divided.

[1930] Well, this place is a very balanced place in that the city itself, Austin is very progressive.

[1931] It's very liberal.

[1932] But it's surrounded by red.

[1933] Like everyone on the outside has bullets and guns and fucking ranches and shit.

[1934] Right.

[1935] It's like there's a balance.

[1936] Yeah.

[1937] Like a healthy respect and appreciation for, each other you don't get a lot of places and that doesn't come out in the audience like that's what i mean because some places it's just so tense yeah feel the tension in the audience well you feel a bunch of people that work in an environment where they're under the thumb of human resources every day and every microaggression is analyzed and every thing you do could possibly be misconstrued as being you know whatever it is sex is racist homophobic whatever it is they're just everyone's tense and then you got a comic like yourself on stage talking wild shit and they're like oh oh this pearl clutches can't believe what they're hearing oh yeah yeah I just go for it at this point I don't I can't care anymore I just really just have to stay true to who I am and and I know everything I say is coming from a good place and a loving place you know I'm saying and I just and you have an audience yeah like people who already know what you do love you and they want to come see you you can't change now.

[1938] Yeah.

[1939] But imagine being an up -and -coming stand -up today.

[1940] I think about that all the time.

[1941] I don't think I could do it.

[1942] You could do it.

[1943] No, I'm saying, meaning like I've talked to some girl, women who are starting out now.

[1944] And they are like, I don't, I'm so afraid.

[1945] I'm afraid to say anything.

[1946] I'm like, they are so, I'm like, you know what?

[1947] You have a great ass.

[1948] You'll be fine.

[1949] Well, you know the thing about being afraid.

[1950] I never had that to depend on.

[1951] Seriously.

[1952] That's probably It's taken a long time.

[1953] I mean, I never went up with this hot body and this, you know, I never had a lot of help.

[1954] It's true.

[1955] I'm serious.

[1956] I don't think that helps, though.

[1957] You don't?

[1958] No, I think it's a distraction.

[1959] I think for women, like to, for a woman to go on stage, like, in a hot dress, like, tight and everything like that, I think it's a very, and I think women don't like seeing that.

[1960] Like, they want to be like, oh, this bitch who the fuck she thinks she is.

[1961] Well, I think some male comics do help women like that.

[1962] Oh, because they're trying to fuck.

[1963] I mean, exactly.

[1964] Yeah, but that doesn't really help.

[1965] And I think the industry sometimes has given opportunities to women like that.

[1966] Don't you think Comedy Central and shit like that?

[1967] Maybe.

[1968] I don't know.

[1969] I can't name a person.

[1970] If I did, I wouldn't.

[1971] But what would help them is if no one gave them help.

[1972] Right.

[1973] That's what would really help them.

[1974] That's what helped me. Fuck off.

[1975] Figure it out.

[1976] That's what helped me. Yeah.

[1977] I mean, all the male comics in New York were always like, I don't see you as a female comic.

[1978] I see you as a comic.

[1979] Like, I just never relied on, I never used that as being, is, never part of my thing.

[1980] Well, all the good ones are just comics.

[1981] Yeah, that's true.

[1982] Yeah.

[1983] Or it's Whitney Cummings or Christina Pritzky or the good ones are just comics.

[1984] It doesn't matter.

[1985] Yeah.

[1986] You know, this one, and one of the things about comedy is if you're really good, everyone just appreciates you as a comic.

[1987] It's a real meritocracy in that regard.

[1988] Like, when you kill, people respect you and they love you.

[1989] Yeah.

[1990] But if you're famous and you bomb, nobody wants to have anything to do with you.

[1991] I know.

[1992] That's so true.

[1993] Have you seen that before?

[1994] Have I seen it before?

[1995] I know, yeah, but I want you to talk about it.

[1996] No, I'm not talking.

[1997] It's so ugly.

[1998] When you watch someone who's famous and they go on stage and the audience recognizes like a minute into their act, like, oh, no. Oh, well, let's talk about that.

[1999] So the second they go on, people freak the fuck out.

[2000] I'm talking, they will a lot of times get out of their seat and stand up.

[2001] Yes.

[2002] They scream and jump out of their seat.

[2003] seats oh my god right especially someone drops into the cellar right especially in new york it's amazing to watch because one minute in if they're not funny it doesn't matter who and i've seen it with the biggest the biggest most famous people yeah one minute in if they're not funny the crowd is done they get upset at you oh yeah that's it they shut off like you they hate you if one minute in and you're a nobody they're like maybe it gets better Maybe That's so true They'll give you a shot He'll give you a shot He's just starting out Maybe one day he'll be really good And I could say I saw him at the cellar bombing It's so true Yeah But if you're famous and you don't deliver right away They're done That's it Fuck you You're an idiot Yeah Yeah Because there's like a certain amount of resentment That they have for you being famous already That they don't even realize They had until you were bombing Yeah I think because I mean I've said this before but I'll say it again I think because the internet comedians realize now that this isn't a famine mentality business anymore because when I was coming up in the 90s it was very famine mentality like there was a few slots if you wanted to get on a sitcom there was like four or five people on each sitcom and you know the odds of you getting on one of those is very small and if you had a development deal the odds of of you getting a pilot and that pilot being on the air very small, the odds of you being the host of this night show, extremely small.

[2004] So everybody was cutthroat and everybody thought of other comics as being competitors.

[2005] Right.

[2006] But then the internet came around and people started uploading their stuff on YouTube and they started having podcasts and they realized like, oh, there's room for everybody.

[2007] There's totally room for everybody.

[2008] There's no reason for us to be.

[2009] And then I think a lot of people recognize like these are the.

[2010] the only people I understand is comics and now now you can treat them as community instead of treating them as like competitors in the battlefield yeah what year did you start 88 oh my god back in the day I didn't know that that's wow yeah you've been in this I just celebrated 33 years holy shit or a month ago rather August 27th 1988 in in L .A.?

[2011] no Boston oh right right right Yeah.

[2012] Yeah, I didn't come to L .A. It's such a good place.

[2013] Boston's a good place to start.

[2014] They're all angry.

[2015] They're all angry.

[2016] They're all angry.

[2017] Everyone's cold.

[2018] I'll punch you.

[2019] Yeah.

[2020] They have to work in the morning.

[2021] You can't be self -indulgent.

[2022] Oh, they're such good crowds.

[2023] I just played at Laugh Boston.

[2024] It's so much fun.

[2025] I know.

[2026] It's a beautiful club.

[2027] Yeah.

[2028] Yeah, when I was coming up, there was five clubs on one street.

[2029] Really?

[2030] Yeah, yeah.

[2031] Boston was so crazy.

[2032] In the 80s, have you ever seen when stand -up stood out?

[2033] No. It's a documentary by Franz Holamita.

[2034] He was a Boston comic, and it detailed the rise of, like, Stephen Wright and Lenny Clark and Steve Sweeney and Don Gavin and Kevin Knox and all these huge Boston comedians.

[2035] Don Gavin, who's like, in my opinion, one of the greatest of all time.

[2036] I agree.

[2037] They were so good.

[2038] And this one time in history in the 1980s, a lot of it was because of Barry Crimmons, who was, like, sort of the godfather of the community.

[2039] Barry Krimmins had established this environment, this place called the Ding Ho.

[2040] And the Ding Ho was a Chinese restaurant that they did comedy at.

[2041] And it was so good there, and these comics had gotten so good that it branched out and all these comedy clubs started being built.

[2042] And so, on one block, there was Nick's comedy stop.

[2043] Down the street from Nix was the comedy connection.

[2044] Above Nix was the comedy club at the Charles Playhouse.

[2045] across the street was duck soup and then duck soup one one block away was dick dardy's comedy vault so on one little street like within a couple minutes of each other there was five comedy clubs it was crazy it was a crazy place and there was packed houses every night packed packed houses i mean except for open mic night which is kind of sparse but they always are on you know tuesday wednesday whatever the fuck it was, there was always big crowds.

[2046] And these guys would sell out shows every weekend, all over town.

[2047] There was Stitches Comedy Club.

[2048] There was on the other side of town.

[2049] There was another place called Played Against Sams that was like a movie theater that had comedy.

[2050] It was crazy.

[2051] And there was so many comics.

[2052] And they were so good.

[2053] Boston, oh my God, known for like.

[2054] Yeah.

[2055] Patrice, Bill Burr.

[2056] Nick DePaolo.

[2057] I mean, you could go down the line.

[2058] There's so many great comics, Jay Leno, so many comics.

[2059] came from Boston.

[2060] Did you just start doing, I don't know if you talk about this a lot on the podcast, but I'm just curious, did you just start doing open mics?

[2061] Like, I just took, I took a class.

[2062] I couldn't, I couldn't just start doing it.

[2063] I was panicked to get out, to get on stage.

[2064] I was too nervous.

[2065] 29.

[2066] What year was this?

[2067] 19, I started in 99.

[2068] And when you, I was panicked.

[2069] Why were you so panicked?

[2070] I had never been on stage before in front of people.

[2071] I, I was going for a master's in social work.

[2072] My grandmother told me to do it.

[2073] She literally said every time there's people around you, they're laughing, you need to be a comedian.

[2074] Wow.

[2075] And I was like, I can't do that.

[2076] I could never do that.

[2077] And she's like, you have to.

[2078] So your grandmother talked to me to it?

[2079] Yeah, that was the only, I would have never done it if she didn't say that to me that day.

[2080] Isn't that wild?

[2081] And I was always the class clown and, you know, always getting in trouble.

[2082] So it was always there.

[2083] Everyone said, it's no shock.

[2084] You're a stand -up.

[2085] Wow.

[2086] That's awesome.

[2087] But I was really nervous.

[2088] So the fact that you just went and did an open mic is so amazing to me. because I'm always impressed.

[2089] I know, but I'm always impressed with that because...

[2090] Well, in the 80s, there wasn't really much comedy classes available.

[2091] In Boston, there was none that I was aware of.

[2092] I mean, they might have existed.

[2093] I just didn't know about them.

[2094] So you would go to Stitches, and Stitches had an open mic night.

[2095] That was the place that everybody would go, because it was the easiest to get up on the open mic night.

[2096] And you would go on Sunday night, and Jonathan Katz from Mr. Katz, Yeah, he was the host of the show.

[2097] Were you nervous?

[2098] Oh, my God, I was terrified.

[2099] Terrified.

[2100] Terrifying.

[2101] I almost quit.

[2102] I almost backed out.

[2103] There was an opportunity for me to chicken out, and I almost took it.

[2104] Oh.

[2105] And I literally had a voice in my head saying, no, this is what you're supposed to do.

[2106] I know.

[2107] Like a real voice.

[2108] No, I know.

[2109] But I've never had before.

[2110] I've never had it since.

[2111] Never had it before that.

[2112] It was like a real voice in my head that said, no, no, no. this is what you're supposed to do I was like oh my god I was so scared yeah it's so scary yeah but then once I did it I knew I wasn't even good like the first time I did it I was like I but I realized like I think I can do this like I was such a misfit I didn't fit in in regular life I didn't feel like I had any sort of a future in the corporate world I didn't have a safety net it wasn't a lot that was going to work out for me yeah that is the fit plus the power I felt on stage, even though it did not go great, I still, that power is incredible that you feel standing in front of people with a microphone.

[2113] It's really amazing.

[2114] What's a weird puzzle, right?

[2115] You're like, I think I can solve this puzzle.

[2116] And then you see other people solve it.

[2117] That was one of the real cool things was I got to see, you know, Jonathan Katz was very funny, obviously, but I got to see other comics who are professionals would drop in and they would do sets at this open mic night.

[2118] And so I got to see, you know, guys like Teddy Bergeron.

[2119] I don't know if you know he is.

[2120] Yes, yes.

[2121] He was at the time in 1988, Teddy Bergeron was one of the best comics on Earth.

[2122] He had done the Tonight Show and everybody was like praising him.

[2123] And his timing was so good.

[2124] He made you want to quit comedy.

[2125] His timing was so smooth and so good.

[2126] You couldn't believe it.

[2127] And so I saw a few of those guys, too.

[2128] And I remember thinking like, oh, my God, there's so many levels to this.

[2129] Like, I had no idea.

[2130] I had no idea.

[2131] there's and then also here's a big part you get to see people who really suck and you go oh I can't I'm not as bad as that right so I'll be better than them you really see people who are horrific yeah I mean that's what I did before I did comedy I saw an open mic night and I saw some people it's because you know if you've never seen live comedy you assume that all the comedians are going to be like Richard Pryor because you've seen Richard Pryor do comedy yeah but then you go and you go oh This is, oh, these are terrible.

[2132] Okay, I can do this.

[2133] Right.

[2134] And it's very scary when someone doesn't even get a smile and they think they killed.

[2135] Like, it's nuts.

[2136] That would make me think people were mentally, very mentally ill. Well, they are.

[2137] When they would get off and go, that was great.

[2138] And I'm like, for who?

[2139] Like, no one even smiled.

[2140] Forget about laughing.

[2141] People looked concerned.

[2142] And you thought you just killed.

[2143] Like, you're not okay.

[2144] Well, there's a lot of people that will, they will wear a mask to try to hide from reality.

[2145] and that's one of the things they would do.

[2146] Yeah.

[2147] I am delivered!

[2148] Yeah, people, like, they want to pretend that things are different than what they are, you know, and they feel like just by pretending they did well.

[2149] But don't you, I mean, I never think I, I could get a standing ovation and look at the one man just staring at me and be like, that did not go great.

[2150] Or the one line that you flubbed.

[2151] Of course.

[2152] I will murder and get a standing ovation, and then I'll think about one line that I fucked up.

[2153] for days.

[2154] It would drive me nuts.

[2155] I'll be in the gym and just in the middle of my workout going, fuck!

[2156] Fuck!

[2157] Fuck!

[2158] Fuck!

[2159] But I think that's what makes you good because you don't really...

[2160] Like last night went great.

[2161] I had a great time.

[2162] It was a great show and I'm okay.

[2163] But...

[2164] Lugging, nothing fucked up.

[2165] But it's...

[2166] I'm not happy with it.

[2167] That's how I feel all the time.

[2168] Yeah.

[2169] I always say to the crowd, no matter how much you clap, it'll never fill the hole.

[2170] And some of them look confused, and I'm like, my emotional whole, like, it'll never, I just, but I think the best comics feel that way.

[2171] I think so.

[2172] I think to be really good, I think you have to be really self -critical because you're always changing and analyzing and you're always, you're auditing your act.

[2173] You're looking at the bits and like, is this worthy?

[2174] Is this good?

[2175] You know, I look at my act like a hater.

[2176] Like, I'm a hater.

[2177] Me too.

[2178] Yeah, I think that's the best way.

[2179] Yeah.

[2180] I really do.

[2181] I make myself nauseous sometimes.

[2182] Yeah.

[2183] You should.

[2184] Doug Stanhope told me, I forget he said it.

[2185] I think he said he looked, I think he said he looked at his act like he was trying to defend it like a defense attorney and then like would go over the bits that way.

[2186] Like if you had to defend them in court, which is very smart.

[2187] That's very smart.

[2188] Very smart.

[2189] Yeah.

[2190] It's a good way to do it.

[2191] And I might I had a similar approach in that I would go over it like if I was someone.

[2192] who hated me and saw me do comedy like what what part would I mock what I got to get rid of that part that's tough yeah I got to cut that out I got to make these bits better just make them undeniable so that even someone's a hater like that guy's an asshole but fuck he killed yeah I don't I'm never okay with jokes that just get ha ha ha like I want to rip the room apart yeah and those jokes it's like sometimes you can hang on to them and they'll grow and blossom and become something killer but You never know when.

[2193] You never know if you should abandon them or keep going.

[2194] I know.

[2195] I know.

[2196] I give it like a couple of months and then I, I, normally I'll be like this one's not going to, I can tell sometimes when it's just not going to go anywhere.

[2197] Right.

[2198] Yeah, there's bits that you can tell.

[2199] And then there's other ones that one day you just figure it out.

[2200] Yeah.

[2201] Like one day you just go down another road when you're on stage and all of a sudden everyone's laughing.

[2202] You're like, holy fuck, I found it.

[2203] It's the best, isn't it?

[2204] It's a wild feeling.

[2205] It's a wild feeling.

[2206] Like new bits are, like, I work with Shane Gillis last night, and he's got these new bits that he's working on.

[2207] And it's so funny because he goes on stage, he's killing.

[2208] And then he has these new bits that he inserts and he goes, and then I fucking eat shit.

[2209] Because these new bits are just not, it's not ready, you know.

[2210] And I go, but one day, they'll be ready.

[2211] He's like, yeah, but not tonight.

[2212] No. And we all know that pain.

[2213] It's horrific It's so bad It's the worst I mean I hate doing new bits Because I'm spoiled Like I'm used to getting big laughs So it's so uncomfortable Yeah But you have to I mean The scariest time for me In comedy for sure Is when I put a special out And then I have to write a whole new act And then people come to see you You're like oh my god That must be so hard at your level I can't even complain At your level, when you get to that level to have to do new stuff, it's not easy.

[2214] I'm sorry.

[2215] But it's fun.

[2216] It's still fun.

[2217] But it's just like it forces you to really think.

[2218] And usually you have a few months.

[2219] So you, but the problem is you're essentially writing a whole new hour in four months.

[2220] That's how do you, I mean, that's not easy.

[2221] It's not easy.

[2222] But you have to write all the time.

[2223] The thing is you have to write all the time outside of when you're writing a new hour so that you have framework right like you have some ideas that you could expand on but if you just start from scratch you're fucked like you're really genuinely fucked yeah you have to consistently write period and even then they don't the ideas don't always come like ideas are like fertile ground like you could try to I'm planting seeds bro you're in the desert shit's not gonna grow fuck like you could have your mind could be a desert sometimes no I know I have to be in a certain frame good frame of mind to write like I could you know that's like during COVID I was not feeling creative yeah yeah my brain was dead yeah I thought I was gonna do a lot of writing I didn't write at all oh me either people that like had a new hour during I'm like how did you write that much during COVID I barely could get out of bed I some people are like stimulated by the stress yeah I couldn't do it yeah I write on stage a lot yeah when you feel you're in the zone right yeah that's when I that's why I tape myself because I go up with an idea and then I come up with a bit.

[2224] Yeah, that's very wise.

[2225] That's a good way to come up with comedy because you hit that weird headspace that you hit when you're killing on stage and then you can find ideas and figure out a way to do them.

[2226] But I feel like you've got to write right too.

[2227] I feel like it's all those things.

[2228] You got to write right.

[2229] You got to let ideas happen and come to you like when you're just driving around your car and also you have to write on stage.

[2230] You have to fuck around on stage.

[2231] You have to take chances.

[2232] Do you think you're going to do your next special, like put it out there for people for free?

[2233] I'm thinking about it.

[2234] I think you should.

[2235] I'm thinking about it.

[2236] I just, I'm concerned that the editorial decisions that streaming networks might make about bits in the future are going to get more and more stringent.

[2237] You know, they're going to decide jokes you can and can't say.

[2238] Even if you're, you have a point, even if there's like, there's like a definitive position that you're taking because you're trying to explain, you're trying to talk about language, trying to talk about.

[2239] about if you say certain words, people are going to say you can't do that.

[2240] You can't do this.

[2241] You can't say that.

[2242] Even if you have a point, you can't.

[2243] And they're worried about people being pissed.

[2244] They're worried about the wokesters.

[2245] They're worried about corporate sponsors or whatever the fuck it is.

[2246] But I'm just worried about killing.

[2247] All right.

[2248] That's what I'm out there to kill.

[2249] So when I'm killing, like I'm using all the words at my disposal.

[2250] So we're playing a different game.

[2251] I know.

[2252] They're playing a game where they want to piss off the least amount of people while entertaining the most amount of people.

[2253] And anything that stands out, like, it has to be so popular, like, that they'll let this controversial idea flourish.

[2254] And then they have to deal with the wave of articles that get written in all these woke online websites where they attack them, you know, for violence or for creating unsafe environment.

[2255] Or for this or for that like all this this new jargon and buzzwords.

[2256] It's just bullshit Because you know these same people that are attacking you're listening to music that has A horrific language and content in it and watching movies where people are getting murdered It's crazy.

[2257] Yeah.

[2258] It's weird.

[2259] I know the music is really wow.

[2260] Yeah.

[2261] Yeah well that was Spotify Daniel Eck who's the CEO of Spotify someone asked him about some of the content of of my podcast, and he said, much like we don't censor any of the content of all the music artists.

[2262] We're not in the content censoring business.

[2263] Like if someone violates our codes of conduct, that's a different thing, but none of what he does does that.

[2264] I mean, what a simple point.

[2265] That's so true.

[2266] But that point gets lost today because people, they capitulate to the mob.

[2267] And the mob is always looking for blood.

[2268] They're always looking for a new victim.

[2269] I mean, and it's become a sport.

[2270] Recreational outrage is a sport online.

[2271] It's people enjoy it, and they enjoy attacking, attacking targets, and they enjoy taking people down.

[2272] They love getting people fired.

[2273] It's weird, and it's the left, which is so strange, because the left, from when I grew up, was always people that supported free speech, people that were, you know, they were, like the ACLU supported Nazis.

[2274] They let Nazis in the KKK talk, because they recognize, like, listen, the only way to protect speech is to allow all speech.

[2275] And the way you counter bad speech is with better speech.

[2276] I mean, this was like a rock -solid perspective that was in, it was like a fundamental aspect of being a liberal, of being, you know, a progressive.

[2277] It's not that way anymore.

[2278] Well, I think if you say that you support free speech now, you're labeled a right -wing Republican.

[2279] Republican.

[2280] I'm serious.

[2281] The Republicans are the new punk rockers.

[2282] I'm serious.

[2283] I think that, you know, you're labeled something right away when you say you support something instead of like, I think, you know, I'm, and that's what's happening.

[2284] The thing is those, those unreasonable people are at least slowly in many circles being exposed because their unreasonable takes are so predictable because that's what they do.

[2285] They're, they're.

[2286] attack things they attack things this very rigid woke ideology that's oftentimes unsustainable and then usually someone will dig through their Twitter and find some shit that they said like 10 years ago or seven years ago and we find that out but but Ari said it is a great time because comedy's dangerous again it's actually dangerous yeah I just think you can have different opinions about different things and not be labeled as one way or another or whatever you can like you know it's the labor the labeling has gotten really out of control it's also like the instinct to attack like people are so uh online attacks are so it's like such a part of the culture now call outs and and it doesn't have to be valid it doesn't have to be legitimate like people are just looking for excuses and when there's no viable targets they'll find one that's the problem with this online mob shit is that they keep moving the goalposts about what's acceptable.

[2287] It's not like they get everybody in a good, like, agreeable pattern, and they go, okay, we're not going to attack anyone anymore.

[2288] No, there's already, like, a common pattern of attacking people online.

[2289] So if everybody toes the line and wokeism, you know, has like a very clear line in the sand, they'll just move that line 100 yards to the left and start attacking people that used to be okay.

[2290] Yeah, yeah, I get it.

[2291] I mean, I've been accused of things that I'm not.

[2292] And it really was very upsetting, you know, and I freaked out.

[2293] And then someone said to me, Jessica, this will be gone in about maybe 48 hours.

[2294] And that's exactly what happened.

[2295] Yeah.

[2296] It literally went on to another comic after that.

[2297] It's like it goes so fast.

[2298] Yeah.

[2299] It just is like a tornado and then it goes on to the next person.

[2300] It's weird.

[2301] But if you get caught up in it, if you're a person that likes to read all your comments and you can't.

[2302] I did it.

[2303] I did it.

[2304] I got into it and I said, I'll never do it.

[2305] I just will never do it again.

[2306] It's very bad for you.

[2307] It's horrible.

[2308] It's so upsetting because, first of all, there's nothing you can do about it.

[2309] What are you going to argue with people on Twitter, like anonymous people?

[2310] It's horrible.

[2311] I mean, it's not, you know, no one really knows you unless they know you.

[2312] Exactly.

[2313] I mean, these people don't really know you.

[2314] They don't, and they don't know me unless they really have a relationship with us.

[2315] It's a bad way to communicate.

[2316] You know, it's, you get no social cues.

[2317] you get no feedback, there's no emotional interaction between you and the person like it is normally.

[2318] You don't get to feel who they really are.

[2319] It's just text.

[2320] It's just like cold, nasty text.

[2321] I know.

[2322] Not good.

[2323] It's not good.

[2324] So I don't engage in it.

[2325] Yeah.

[2326] And just because you feel one way about something doesn't mean you feel that way about all things that one party feels or what, you know, so many people are in the middle on so many things.

[2327] Yeah, the center is a pretty It's a heavily occupied space Where everybody shuts their mouth Yeah Because everyone's scared So many people are in the center right now It's hushed tones Yes You know what I think You know what I think they're doing And then they'll tell you Yeah, it's weird When do you think you'll do another special I made a goal to do one in about six months And I'm going to put it out on YouTube Because I am not going to depend on any network to try and sell it to anymore.

[2328] Why don't you do it at my club?

[2329] Joe, I would kill to do it there.

[2330] Let's do it.

[2331] I've been looking for a venue and that would be, I mean, killer.

[2332] I would love it.

[2333] That is like, I'm in.

[2334] All right, let's plan on that.

[2335] I'm in.

[2336] All right.

[2337] Beautiful.

[2338] I will do it.

[2339] If it's going to be, you think it'll be open by then?

[2340] Yes.

[2341] That's sick.

[2342] Yes.

[2343] I'll do it 100 % at your venue.

[2344] All right, good.

[2345] Beautiful.

[2346] I mean, yes.

[2347] I love it.

[2348] All right.

[2349] Should we wrap this up?

[2350] Yeah.

[2351] All right.

[2352] Tell everybody how to get a hold of you on the internets.

[2353] Well, I have a website, jesska -kerson .com, and I'm on TikTok.

[2354] I, again, post, I love it so much.

[2355] Do you dance?

[2356] No. But that's what it's for.

[2357] No, I post a lot of crowdwork videos.

[2358] I'm serious.

[2359] Maybe if you TikToked a little bit on top of that, it would really boost your profile.

[2360] Yeah, well, you know what?

[2361] I'm going to dance in these at these Baptist Church, these, yeah.

[2362] There it is.

[2363] Jessica Curse on.

[2364] Yeah, but you know what?

[2365] Listen, I have like 79 ,000.

[2366] 8 .6 million views, son.

[2367] Yeah.

[2368] That's TikTok?

[2369] That's pretty impressive.

[2370] Holy shit, I didn't even know there was that many.

[2371] That's amazing.

[2372] That's good.

[2373] Yeah.

[2374] You got a lot of views, kid.

[2375] Congratulations.

[2376] You big, big, big on TikTok.

[2377] Listen, I am one of the only female.

[2378] comics that does a shitload of crowd work you know I do a lot of crowdwork in my act I love it so much I love talking to dumb people um yeah so I I'm on TikTok and then I Instagram Jesse Kerson and you know all that shit but I have a ton of road dates coming up so people I'd love you to come out and see my shows so Jessica Kurson .com is the best place to get over all right yeah I appreciate you my friend you're the best no you're the best I love being here I love having you're doing amazing things for comics absolutely we'll do it more yeah all right thank you thank you everything you do my pleasure bye everybody