38 - Sidebar Nation

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Welcome to my favorite murder, episode 38.

[17] I feel like a hurricane episode.

[18] hi we have stephen back Stephen was gone last week Stephen welcome back thank you thanks for watching my cats while I was out of town they kept me busy but I love them yes save it for the cat podcast forecast everyone I have a story to tell about being out of town speaking of oh this is my favorite murder by the way did we say that part I don't know you're Karen I'm Georgia that's right that's right and we're back in our normal seats which to me makes all the difference.

[19] You came in tonight and like sat in my seat and then I was like, are we going to, we're not doing this, right?

[20] It's like, no. Yeah, no, absolutely not.

[21] So wait, Georgia went to San Francisco for, was it for unique suites?

[22] No, it's just for like a real life normal trip of a thing.

[23] Oh, you went on vacation.

[24] Oh my God, how was it?

[25] You're going to cry for me. Yes, I'm so jealous.

[26] I'm going to leave this goddamn town so bad.

[27] Oh, it was nice.

[28] Can I tell you honestly?

[29] yes I like staying home you do a lot like as a staycation as opposed to going somewhere for vacation I'm not yeah I like being home I hear you you know I like that excuse to like eat and drink whatever I want when I'm out of town but like I also like hanging out of home did you guys drive or fly they flew I feel like at this point of my life I've got into this place where like I'm not going to fly to San Francisco I'm not going to fly to Vegas I'm in a valet park most of the time wait you mean drive right you were saying fly you're gonna do the most convenient thing because you're an adult I am an adult like that to me was like when I realized that I can now afford ballet parking and like not even not I could afford it for a long time but I was like fuck you I'm not paying to like pay you to eat at your place but that's not it it's you're paying for the convenience of pulling up and walking away from your car and not being in a dangerous neighborhood walking down the street right anyways yeah San Francisco and then I'm walking down hate street.

[30] Mm -hmm.

[31] That great street.

[32] That great street hate.

[33] With Vince, during the day, we're, like, doing touristy things.

[34] And I hear someone scream at me from a moving car.

[35] And I go to Vince, what?

[36] And he said, she said, my favorite murder.

[37] What?

[38] Yes.

[39] As she drove by.

[40] My favorite.

[41] My favorite.

[42] I, like, waved my hands in the, like, I went, ah!

[43] I totally, like, lost my mind.

[44] That's awesome.

[45] I know.

[46] I didn't play cool when I wasn't being cool because it was like the cool.

[47] I was there.

[48] Cools for fools.

[49] Who cares?

[50] Yeah, it was exciting.

[51] Oh my God, I'm smiling so much.

[52] First of all, I used to live...

[53] Were you in the upper hate where, like, all the shops are?

[54] We were in the upper hate, yeah.

[55] Yeah.

[56] That's my old neighborhood from when I used to live there before the dot -com boom, when you could live in the upper hate as a young poor person.

[57] It's so dangerous there.

[58] It was.

[59] It wasn't bad...

[60] Well, you know what, though?

[61] That back then I craved danger.

[62] Yeah, I get it.

[63] I lived in Korea town for a little while.

[64] You know.

[65] So that it's like, even more touching.

[66] I just love that.

[67] But I think also that's, I love that someone to recognize you from like, it must have, it had to have been a block away.

[68] Yeah.

[69] Well, they were driving by.

[70] And it's like, okay, I mean, Vince is like a tall dude with like blonde shaved head and like always wears a flannel and I'm like a short, you know, like, and I had been posting on my Instagram that I was in town.

[71] Oh, okay.

[72] So the person like probably were like knew that I was there.

[73] Was a follower.

[74] Yeah.

[75] There's this person.

[76] But it still was like, and I didn't get it at first.

[77] And then I was like, what you had, what Vince?

[78] What'd you say?

[79] She's not my criminal murder.

[80] Ah!

[81] And they were like, get out of town, Narc.

[82] Oh, wait.

[83] Yeah.

[84] I was like, fuck he.

[85] I was about to you.

[86] And then I realized it was a good thing.

[87] You go kick their bumper.

[88] Georgia, wait.

[89] I love that.

[90] I went to see Jimmy Pardo and Matt Belknap have, of course, the very famous podcast, Never Not Funny.

[91] And our friend, April Richardson, was on it the other night.

[92] So I went with her because we're two old crones.

[93] that go everywhere together because she was the guest it was over at Flappers and during the show Jimmy referenced me and did it in his very Jimmy part of way of going oh sure start a podcast and then you're number one we've been here for 10 years whatever which is the highest compliment from a comedian like putting you down by complimenting you by putting you down exactly that's the only way they can do it's really hard for us as stand -up comedians to really express ourselves.

[94] But it was a lovely shout -out, really, is what it was.

[95] And afterwards, when we went to leave, two different girls came up and were like, I'm a murderer.

[96] It's the funniest thing when people say it that way, too.

[97] Like, I'm a murd -it's me. I'm a murderino.

[98] Just like, hi.

[99] It was really fun.

[100] There's another girl who, like, put a message on my Instagram photo and was like, I saw you on the Bart Train in San Francisco, and I recognized you.

[101] And I looked at her photo and I was like, oh my God, I was, she's like, I was too scared to say anything.

[102] And I was like, I was staring at you because your hair was so cute.

[103] Why, what was her like?

[104] Her hair was like a pixie cut.

[105] And I was looking at her being like, fuck, I wish I could pull that off.

[106] That girl pulls it off really well.

[107] What pixie, like a boy cut?

[108] Like Tinkerbell.

[109] Yeah.

[110] Tinkerbell has a bun.

[111] Oh, shit.

[112] I'm thinking Tinkerbell from, um, hook.

[113] Oh.

[114] Julia Roberts.

[115] Yes, I grew up in the 90s.

[116] Julie Roberts in a wig?

[117] I've always wanted that hair too.

[118] Well, like Julie Roberts in a wig, she looked adorable.

[119] She was rocking boy hair.

[120] You have to be so pretty to be able to pull off that hair.

[121] Yeah, I was like, fuck shit.

[122] And I've done, I've done that hair and been like, oh my God, what did I do?

[123] Dude, in high school, I did the ghost haircut.

[124] What's the ghost haircut?

[125] It's a bowl cut.

[126] It's like a, it's a big round Demi Moore and ghost bowl cut.

[127] Did you go in and be like, give me the ghost?

[128] I think it may have been before.

[129] for ghost, no brag.

[130] And I know that I had also sunned my hair.

[131] So I basically had orange hair in a bowl cut.

[132] I looked like I had, it was kind of like as if I was trying to look like a Japanese rock star is what I looked like, but not, but then everything else.

[133] Like a male Japanese rock star.

[134] It was like basically what are you doing is what is what I looked like.

[135] I mean, we have so many throwback Thursday photos that just horrify.

[136] We'll never see the life day.

[137] Horrify.

[138] No. So, here's one thing I would like to mention for housekeeping.

[139] And this is actually kind of on, on the name, on Brandt.

[140] So it's going to be wrong and loud.

[141] This morning people were posting, and some people actually also tweeted it to me. There's a very disturbing YouTube video that they found.

[142] I was going to talk to you about this.

[143] Yes.

[144] So it's, okay, in the body, it was on BuzzFour.

[145] feed first.

[146] That's somebody, I'm sorry whoever tweeted it first, because it was a handful of people, but I always want to give the first people credit and I never remember their at things.

[147] It's always like Baboon Heart 64 or whatever, where I'm like, could you just have a name?

[148] Baboon Heart 64 is going to blow up right now, even though they like don't even know what a podcast is.

[149] It's like some, like, mom from...

[150] It's some transplant surgeon that's like, no, I actually have transplanted 64 Baboon hearts.

[151] but they sent it and it's this BuzzFeed did a really disturbing somebody found a YouTube video of a guy saying talking to his friend and saying hey I got a new girlfriend and then they cut to a naked girl tied up in a bathroom and screaming screaming what are you doing this homie yes they thought it was connected to a missing girl I know God you're doing everything I was going to do like forget to find her name because I totally forgot The missing girl's name was Kayla Berg, and she went missing.

[152] The video's from 2009, and I guess she went missing, like, a little bit before that.

[153] And it's so crazy.

[154] So I looked at, I was like doing some researching because, of course, on fucking Reddit Unolved Mysteries, which is like the best late night, you know, stay up till 4 in the morning thing.

[155] Trying to solve some mysteries.

[156] Yeah.

[157] Well, they have a screen.

[158] I can't watch the video because, like, it's scary.

[159] Like, I can't watch the video because it's like a 911 call, right, for you.

[160] Like, did you watch it?

[161] No. can't watch it.

[162] No, but I scrolled down far enough to see a screen grab from it.

[163] And I want to sue so many different people right now.

[164] Well, they have the screen grab of the photo of the girl.

[165] And then the photo of the girl, Kayla, who got kidnapped next to it.

[166] And it fucking looks like her dude.

[167] But they already, they announced it's a hoax.

[168] But they don't know for sure.

[169] No, they, well, the articles I read, which was at 7 o 'clock tonight.

[170] Yeah.

[171] Say it, it is.

[172] Well, they say that he's a known like actor pranker dude, but they don't And she's an actress.

[173] Fuck, man. Yeah, they know it's, they know it's not real.

[174] Is the, this is the last article I read.

[175] Her poor family, Kayla's family.

[176] Well, also, what kind of prank?

[177] Yeah, that's not, clever.

[178] Look inside yourself and ask what is wrong that you need to do shit like that.

[179] There's something wrong.

[180] I hope the police keep their eye on that pranker dude who thinks something like that is funny.

[181] And her, like, what kind of, like, go do community theater or something.

[182] thing.

[183] Now, now that I'm thinking of it, I was in theater and this is the kind of shit that it's like you all, it's almost like you're like, oh, this will be amazing.

[184] Like you don't even like, it's not like, hey, let's do this.

[185] We're going to do this shoot today.

[186] It's like late night.

[187] You're like, let's do this thing.

[188] Wouldn't this be funny?

[189] This will be amazing.

[190] And you're more concerned about yourself and like you'll look really good tied up naked or something instead of like any impact or you're like assuming no one will see it instead of, oh my God, what if this actually affects people.

[191] That's how when I made the McNugatini video.

[192] that's what happened to me too we were like no one will see this this is ridiculous and they were like we don't know 10 ,000 people and then that's how my career started with Nugatini kidnapping video, same thing and the weirdest thing is last week on the show I work on it was my episode and in the middle of it the director of the episode who is this super badass Peter Atensio who directed Keanu the Canpiel movie and all of Canpeal all of Canpeal he's done a ton of shit I think he did The Last Man on Earth.

[193] Yeah.

[194] He's done a bunch of stuff.

[195] He's the shit right now.

[196] He walks up to me and goes, you know my friend Georgia.

[197] And I was like, what is happening?

[198] And he directed your Nugatini video.

[199] He did that.

[200] We were just friends with him.

[201] And he was like, hey, I'll do this.

[202] Like, for free as a friend did that in my grandma's kitchen.

[203] And then from that we got a web series with Cooking Channel and he directed those two.

[204] And like, no way.

[205] Yeah, he was just like a buddy of our.

[206] That's so awesome.

[207] And now he's like this huge guy.

[208] Now he's the shit.

[209] everybody on my episode which was very involved and like should we plug the show early i don't think we can't i mean like i don't yeah i think we should wait until i always think i'm going to get sued i want to sue people and i want to get sued but that was an awesome connection and then i told you this already but i want to tell other people while i was leaving is that kind of thing where this is like a real tv show i've worked on obviously i've worked on tv for a while but this is like an exciting show that I really love and believe in and think is great.

[210] And it feels like other people that are working on it feel that way too, which is normally when you work with crew people and stuff, they're all like checking their watch and like, I need to get out of here.

[211] But everybody in this whole crew is so good.

[212] They're really good at what they do.

[213] It's amazing to watch.

[214] These are obviously kind of A -list or people in all these different departments.

[215] And when we went to leave, everyone was kind of thanking each other saying goodbye or whatever, and it was like, you know, midnight on Friday.

[216] It sucked.

[217] So I went to leave.

[218] And I, as I saw the prop master, so I went to say thank you to him.

[219] And as we were shaking hands, he was like, great to work with you.

[220] And then he goes, don't get murdered and walked away.

[221] You don't tell me this?

[222] I didn't.

[223] No. I thought I called you.

[224] Oh, yeah.

[225] I didn't?

[226] No. Shit, maybe it was my sister.

[227] That's where we've become.

[228] I'm kind of losing my mind right now.

[229] I'm so fucking tired.

[230] I'm so tired.

[231] I feel like I have 50 ,000 emails.

[232] I know.

[233] And I'm not doing, I feel like I'm, I have 19 plates spinning.

[234] I'm dropping all of them.

[235] Everything's still, everything's working out.

[236] I know like the other day we were like, both freaking out about like social media on this.

[237] And it's like, it's not, it's not going to implode if we don't retweet someone.

[238] I know.

[239] Everything's okay.

[240] You're getting, you're on your job and you're doing your big job.

[241] Yes.

[242] Everything else is still working out.

[243] We're okay, right?

[244] We're fine.

[245] Like, we're good.

[246] This is like anxiety like at work.

[247] Yes.

[248] Well, it's just a lot.

[249] I mean, it's just, look, no complaints.

[250] That's the worst thing in the world to complain about.

[251] Yeah, I know.

[252] But it's nice.

[253] There's some fun things happening.

[254] I guess that, the fun thing about that story is I'm sitting there going like, oh, everyone's so awesome, whatever.

[255] And then, like, when someone comes up, it's such an intimate thing.

[256] Like, oh, my God, you listen?

[257] What?

[258] Do you think it's good?

[259] What if I just immediately, I started asking him for compliments the second after he told me not to get murdered?

[260] Well, you'd sound like me. Oh, we sold out the Chicago Podcast Festival show that we're doing.

[261] Chicago, Chicago, Chicago, Chicago.

[262] I don't know how I can think, I don't know, 950 people.

[263] Is it?

[264] That's too many people.

[265] Yeah, we got to, let's cut that in half.

[266] For sure.

[267] Okay, I'll put one of those, like, I'll call the guy tomorrow at work.

[268] You can put that wall up.

[269] What's, you know, like, at a big point.

[270] Yeah, we'll hang the improv curtain.

[271] It's like only half the room sold out.

[272] We'll bring our own big, huge black curtain.

[273] But there'll be the rest of the people will be behind that curtain.

[274] But we just don't have to deal with it.

[275] We can't see that.

[276] Yeah.

[277] I'm trying, your sister's coming.

[278] I'm trying to bring my mom.

[279] We're, it's so exciting because my, these are the people that never paid attention to anything I did until I was about 27.

[280] And now you're a big deal.

[281] And all of a sudden.

[282] But, um, I think Adrian and Audrey were the first who started.

[283] And these are basically our childhood friends.

[284] I get it.

[285] From way back.

[286] Petaluma.

[287] Pedaluma hardcore.

[288] What's up?

[289] And we have a, we have a text for thread that's been going.

[290] for like a year where we're just constantly sending each other terrible cat photos and whatever.

[291] Remind me to send you the rock and roll elf photo a gif.

[292] Rock and roll elf?

[293] Okay, I will.

[294] Sorry, go on.

[295] Oh, someone at work mentioned the other day, do you know elf ended with him being taken away by the government?

[296] Is that the truth?

[297] Or was someone fucking with me?

[298] We're getting a nod from Dustin, I mean, my god, sorry, Steve.

[299] Is it true?

[300] Same thing.

[301] It's very true.

[302] Here young enough to, like, have absorbed that.

[303] You know, somebody talked about recently.

[304] Will you briefly run it down?

[305] How is that, how?

[306] Is that an ending?

[307] I don't know.

[308] I just heard that that's how it ended.

[309] I can't get over.

[310] So unless somebody's lying to me and you.

[311] Can I be honest?

[312] That motherfucker ate cats, so I don't give a shit what happened to him.

[313] Fuck out.

[314] Maybe it was cats dressed up in government clothes.

[315] This is fan fiction that we have to write.

[316] Where were we?

[317] Oh, your sister are your friends.

[318] They're going to.

[319] Oh, so then in this text, um, they, I, one of them said, you're going to go to the Chicago to do your podcast and I was like yeah oh they were mad that they didn't they weren't here for our first one oh um I didn't invite my mom even though it's down the street from her house so now I'm like I'm gonna fly her to Chicago yeah they're gonna do a little makeup work yeah but anyway they got excited and then they're like we could go we can afford to go we can fly out and then they basically made the plans on the text thread and I was just laying on my couch like all bitchy and tired and like it was of course 10 o 'clock at night, and I was like, I don't want to take my mascara off.

[320] And then my sister and my old friends just start making this plan in front of me to come and be there for when we do Chicago.

[321] You're going to cry.

[322] It made me cry at the time.

[323] And then I was like, you guys, I'm crying and they just didn't even pay attention.

[324] They were just continued to plan.

[325] You cry so easily.

[326] I will cry.

[327] Well, especially these days, like the other day, I had a brief passing thought in the room.

[328] And then I had to pretend to pretend to sneeze so that we would understand.

[329] why my eyes were the way they were.

[330] You're the most hard ass, and then you just fucking lose it.

[331] That's how it always is.

[332] If someone's a real hard ass, they're the biggest softie.

[333] Right, that makes sense.

[334] We have to put our dukes way up because we have, we're like a prickly pair with a gooey center.

[335] Oh, that sounds, I'm hungry.

[336] You just bite into a prickly pair?

[337] Why is this gooey?

[338] What a, oh, uh, shirt stuff.

[339] Wait, before we do that, should we say thank you to?

[340] are gifts that we forgot about.

[341] Yes.

[342] Okay.

[343] I have a thank you.

[344] We have a several thank you.

[345] So at our live show in Los Angeles at the LA Podfest, we afterwards, like a bunch of people just like handed a shit and like didn't even want money for it.

[346] Handed and walked away and did there's no cards.

[347] We don't know names.

[348] They didn't want anything for it, which is like bananas.

[349] Oh, it's the way to do it actually.

[350] So I respect it.

[351] I agree.

[352] Like it's legit.

[353] Just add a card because some of it we don't know who it's from.

[354] Yeah, we do want to know your name.

[355] Yeah.

[356] Um, okay.

[357] So someone just handed me this like these this gift bag with two cat toys in it that Elvis and Mimi have fucking lost their shit over Elvis was laying on one of them like a pillow yeah they're these earlier little it's one's a goldfish and one's an elephant and they're filled with cat nip and it's it's called becco family B E C -O and you can get them uh I think it's oh dear B -E -C -O pets B -E -C -O pet dot com and they're They're these, like, adorable, and it looks like natural and, like, not bad for you, cat toys.

[358] And they've held up, which usually when catnip toys are shoot on, they fall apart immediately.

[359] And they've, like, fought each other over them.

[360] So thankfully, they gave us two.

[361] But thank you.

[362] That's so awesome.

[363] They're so sweet.

[364] I'm going to post a photo of Elvis and Mimi fighting over them on their Instagram.

[365] And we got the, we got mugs from the coroner's office.

[366] I like to think the coroner brought them, him or herself.

[367] but we don't really know.

[368] I feel like, I wish the person had given us a card.

[369] I feel like they probably bought those at the Museum of Death.

[370] Oh, yeah.

[371] Do you know what I mean?

[372] They seem like something that you could buy at the Museum of Death.

[373] I just like it because in the morning, it's a nice tall mug.

[374] And then it's a skeleton with a Sherlock Holmes hat on.

[375] And I think he's smoking a pipe.

[376] Mine was a chalk outline, a body chalk outline with that on it.

[377] They're really good quality mugs.

[378] So thank you whoever was the gift gave her.

[379] scenario you could probably bash someone over the head with it and it wouldn't even break there might be a little knife in the bottom i don't know i was trying to riff um i think that's it for those items my favorite murder no no okay teespring .com slash stores slash my favorite murder podcast is the place to buy shirts and mugs and doing new shirts which one is it fuck politeness that's i want that one and so i think there's only ever going to be four shirts and whichever one does the least well, I'm taking down.

[380] So you better fucking buy it now and vote for your favorite.

[381] I don't know.

[382] And also, any moment, there's going to be a murderino shirt.

[383] I think probably tomorrow.

[384] There's a new Mordorino shirt.

[385] I'm going to fuck polite in his shirt.

[386] When she said any moment, she really meant it.

[387] I mean, I'm just doing this.

[388] Um, Stephen also showed me his tote bag, which is actually really cute.

[389] Oh, I haven't seen it.

[390] See this thing.

[391] It's the original logo.

[392] Oh, my favorite murder logo, tote bag.

[393] And it's like, it's good.

[394] it's like a book bag it reminds me of like my fourth grade book bag stephen any comments thoughts on it uh i mean it holds the gear that records this podcast holy shit meta dude it's in good hands this is holistic listen go to the farmer's market with a shirt with a tote bag that says fuck politeness yeah and tell everyone to fuck off and get some sale berries what are sale berries well they'll give you a discount because they love our podcast like on sale berries yeah i thought there was a bear i didn't know about sailberries you know they taste like say it sail it I can't I can't do it I'm so tight tie I'm so tight tie drinking a diet ginger air what's happening here that's the other thing to you I haven't had anything I like to eat in six months so look amazing thank you look miserable but amazing I'm miserably amazing thank you it's just so much also we're in the LA well whatever all right Anyways, let's move on to murders.

[395] There's so much going on.

[396] Hey, let's take a quick, what?

[397] Oh, I was just going to say somebody was telling my friend, Nick, who listens, hi, Nick, Bernstein, who listens to us and is a big fan, and is a big podcast person in general, kind of like listens to all of them.

[398] He was talking about, I can't remember what he's talking about specifically, but then I was, I just mentioned the skippers and the people who actually message us to complain.

[399] and I said there are basically said there are some people who are just like come on get to the murder and he could not stop laughing at that sentence he's like that's your pull quote that has to be your pull quote get to the murder and I was like oh you know what you're right that's exactly right oh my god like this is the you've said it before this is the podcast this is the podcast this is the podcast this is the podcast The thing is, I'm sorry.

[400] Oh, no, no, it's right your diet, like, ginger ale.

[401] That started so high.

[402] Do it again.

[403] Sorry.

[404] I'm sorry, but.

[405] That's my, that's the thing of, sometimes I'll just say that to Vince, because he knows what I mean.

[406] Sorry, but can you get fuckers out?

[407] Do you mind skipping the fuck out of here?

[408] Oh, shit.

[409] Break time.

[410] break time then murder time then we get to the murders oh then can you just fucking get to the murders hey this is exciting an all new season of only murders in the building is coming to hulu on august 27th steve martin martin short and selina gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives but there's a mystery hanging over everyone who killed saz and were they really after charles why would someone want to kill charles this season murder hits close to home with a threat against one of their own the stakes are higher than ever plus the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[411] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[412] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[413] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Davey, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[414] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[415] Goodbye.

[416] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[417] Absolutely.

[418] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[419] Exactly.

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[436] Goodbye.

[437] All right.

[438] And we're back.

[439] What if my eye fell out?

[440] It does with this weird nerve pain in my left eye.

[441] I'm actually really bum because one of my like murders on my future list is the eyeball killer.

[442] Like what if I did that tonight and it just so happened?

[443] If that happened, that would be like, what was that time life book?

[444] series where they're like, a mother in Ohio's has pain in her hand at the same time that her daughter gets stabbed in the hand.

[445] I loved those.

[446] What was the one?

[447] Those were called.

[448] Mysteries of the unknown or something like that.

[449] That was definitely, that was one of them.

[450] It wasn't, it was like, there was that, there was unsolved mysteries.

[451] There was like the, the like new generation of, um, Twilight Zone.

[452] Yeah.

[453] That was super scary.

[454] And the movie also in the 80s.

[455] Yeah.

[456] They just basically wanted to scar us and scare the shit out of us and then they end up making the coolest people that's right any generation because we're like we can take it but also I wish was it called mysteries of the unknown or it was called time life book series time life books presents come on we got this the the paranormal or something I bet you're right about mystery and no and there was also like um like tombs that they would open and Egypt and they like contain things I fucking love Egypt tombs yeah Um, I love you.

[457] Did you know that there's a, there's a, um, okay, global warming is causing, uh, these glaciers to melt in the Alps.

[458] Yes.

[459] And do you know what they're finding underneath them?

[460] What?

[461] They're finding the bodies of World War I soldiers that died in a, a crazy battle up at the top.

[462] No. Yeah.

[463] That is, I love that.

[464] I know.

[465] Archaeology is like, uh, that.

[466] But also.

[467] what if that happens and they start finding stuff that like they didn't know was there.

[468] That's why I thought you were going to go there's pyramids in the Alps or so I thought you meant like this World War I soldiers had iPhones they all had No not mysteries of the criminal mind Stephen God damn it I was going to give your podcast a shout out but now you don't deserve the purrcast doesn't deserve it You know what you can do to make up for this by me this book.

[469] What is it called?

[470] It timeline.

[471] Well, because I'm like, the criminal mind.

[472] I think mine is mysteries of the unknown.

[473] I think I might be right.

[474] It had like a, I think you're right.

[475] The picture was like a pyramid with lightning or something on the front.

[476] And then I'll remember all those ones of like, you can see like in the dollar bill.

[477] You can see a, someone's head and it's like a thing.

[478] I think it is Mysteries of the Unknown.

[479] Mystic places.

[480] Mystery of the unload.

[481] There's a whole series.

[482] Yes.

[483] That's it.

[484] There it is.

[485] There it is.

[486] Well done.

[487] Look, and with that, Stephen immediately wins us back over to his favor.

[488] Listen to the Purrcast.

[489] That's three R's.

[490] Percast.

[491] Percast.

[492] Stephen Ray Morris.

[493] I'm having the best time right now.

[494] So are you, Stephen.

[495] Should we start in?

[496] Yeah, I think you're first as much.

[497] Is it murder time?

[498] I'm also first because...

[499] I could just keep going like this, by the way.

[500] I know.

[501] Where we just never talk about murder.

[502] We just kind of go hysterical.

[503] Peripherly talk about murder, but not really.

[504] But not really ever get to anything specific.

[505] My sciatica is still killing me. There's a couple things on the Facebook page this week that I really adored, but I didn't have time.

[506] It's that thing where I get up in the morning and I had to make a rule that I can't do it in the morning anymore because it eats up like an hour and a half.

[507] You could spend so, and then you like click on this thing and then you like click on another like link in that and then you read about that.

[508] I didn't know about that and then you have to like text it to yourself so you can Yes, you're making a list.

[509] I have like my list on the side of my like the left hand side of my computer.

[510] It just goes on for date.

[511] It's things I feel like I'm never going to look at again.

[512] We're never going to get to those.

[513] I do want to know what happened to those torsos.

[514] I -70 killer.

[515] Who's that?

[516] I must know.

[517] I'm the one that has to know.

[518] The good thing, the comforting thing is, especially when I look on the Facebook page, there are so many people that are so much more interested in this than I am and so much more dedicated.

[519] And some professionals that it's like, oh, I don't have to, I don't have to know every story because they will help us.

[520] Well, one day, this will be your full -time job, and then we'll just go to therapy every day, too.

[521] That's right.

[522] We'll start with therapy, and then we'll do this.

[523] Too much.

[524] Well, actually, in therapy, we'll go over these, like, we'll click together.

[525] That's a good idea.

[526] You and I will have group therapy, the two of us.

[527] Yeah.

[528] I wouldn't just be holding hands the whole time.

[529] Yeah, crying.

[530] Easily crying.

[531] Like, this one time when I was 11, my mom forgot to pick me up.

[532] Wait, that wasn't me. That was someone on the Facebook page.

[533] Wait, that was a TV show.

[534] all right this week time life series presents a murder that I'm positive I'm I'm I must have found on either through somebody who tweeted it at us or somebody on the Facebook page but it's really good because as being an ex -Catholic or I guess a lapsed Catholic I haven't turned my back on the church the last couple experiences I've had at the church in my hometown were great like oh because you went with your niece yeah my niece goes to catholic school goes to the same school i went to and the church the way they do things is really different than the way it was done in in the 80s obviously which is a hundred years ago you have to be mean enough to make you pay attention like love god or something these days it's totally like we're all just here to support each other where i'm like what are these words they change the words there's a lot of hand holding and shit.

[535] Oh my God.

[536] Stuff that was never even it wasn't done when I was growing.

[537] Girl, today's a Jewish holiday and I didn't fucking do shit.

[538] What is it, Purim?

[539] It's Yom Kippur and I absolutely did nothing.

[540] Don't ask me the meaning of it.

[541] Okay.

[542] It's about atonement, I think, right?

[543] Yes.

[544] I am a terrible.

[545] I'm the Jewishest non -Jew that's ever lived.

[546] That's really true.

[547] You play good Jew.

[548] Thank y 'all.

[549] But you don't do any of the like homework part.

[550] Nope.

[551] I think it's enjoyable.

[552] And I also think it's what in Los Angeles, I would say it's like what 98 % of people are doing.

[553] Let's make this about me. I'm sorry, keep going.

[554] Well, then I just started thinking of like, what if we lived in a Catholic town where everyone was like, the business was all Catholic?

[555] Yeah.

[556] That'd be so fucking weird.

[557] I still get angry when shit's clothes on Sundays.

[558] I'm not going to fucking lie.

[559] Karen, tell me more about Catholicism.

[560] Everyone should know that if that sounded weird.

[561] I just made Stephen edit out me hucking the biggest Lugie.

[562] She was like a fucking A 70s baseball player The thing she just did With her nose and throat Ear nose and throat Man that was good Flemmy it was flemy You know every once in all There'll be somebody like on the street That does that Where somebody doesn't just spit like oh I have to spit But they'll like hawk a loogie on the street And make a noise And it's like thick Or I just want to go Did you drive here from a place Where there are no other people No man That's how plague starts you step on that you fucking that's why you take your shoes off in the house that's right gross my sister won't let me put my purse on her counter I get it because you your purse you put your purse on all surfaces oh yeah when I get home from a trip my my my luggage doesn't touch anything important it's like on the floor until you wipe it down with bleach when someone puts their luggage on the bed I'm like what why are you trying to get the black death just get to the murder yeah okay I'm sorry no I'm not yelling no I know I know you're right you're Um, so, but I say all this because my, uh, my murder this week is about a priest named Gerald Robinson.

[563] Now, normally I love a serial killer.

[564] I love a process killer.

[565] I love somebody who maybe one of his eyes got poked out and he's upset and, oh, there's a really good TED talk.

[566] Somebody posted on the Facebook page, sorry, sidebar.

[567] There's a really good TED talk where a guy talks about.

[568] how people become that, like the mind of a serial killer.

[569] And he talks about violence, experiencing violence at a young age and head trauma.

[570] Fuck, yeah, he does.

[571] And that I loved that.

[572] So anyway, this episode's called Side Bar Nation.

[573] This is, become a citizen of Side Bar Nation.

[574] Don't fight us anymore.

[575] We know you like murder.

[576] Everybody does.

[577] Join the religion of Side Bar Nation.

[578] Because it's fun to have ADD.

[579] Well, hold hands, and we'll talk about it.

[580] And there will be crying.

[581] So normally, one -off murders do not interest me. There has to be insane extenuating circumstances for me to be like, oh, because I have that feeling like, well, that's just a thing that happens.

[582] Somebody loses their shit and all of a sudden attacks another person.

[583] Or somebody pushes someone over and they hit.

[584] We're very fragile, delicate people.

[585] Like that happens, but this is like, but you like the shit that's like planned.

[586] Right.

[587] I like the stuff that's from a movie that's, but actually happened in real life.

[588] See, I think I'm the opposite where I'm fascinated by the like, you, you did these things without even realizing you were going to murder someone or like you were going to, this was going to happen.

[589] This thing was building up inside you.

[590] No, it wasn't even building up.

[591] It just this fucking snap decision you made ended up in these circumstances and you had, and you murdered someone without even fucking under, like, if you could go back and be like, I was murdering this person.

[592] And I just wanted to show them how angry I was or I just wanted to, I just reacted in a way that I'm not, because I'm not good at controlling my anger.

[593] Yeah.

[594] I wouldn't have done them, but I did them.

[595] Like, that's why I like one -offs.

[596] You let, okay.

[597] That makes sense.

[598] Well, then you, Georgia, this one is dedicated to you.

[599] Thank you.

[600] This one's going out to Georgia tonight.

[601] Hey, Georgia.

[602] Karen just wants you to know.

[603] I'm the lady from Coast.

[604] Local jokes get local work.

[605] All right.

[606] this is priest Gerald Robinson So this is fucked It's a one -off But it's crazy fucked It has all these elements to it Where I'm like I couldn't find Let's be honest Karen Didn't find I'm sure that it's possible To find all the Super detailed parts See correction corner next week Many of you will Yes This will go on and on But I'll just give you what I know So So on April 5th, 1980, what a time.

[607] Music, music, TV.

[608] I had all of them.

[609] There was so much great stuff happening in our culture.

[610] But in Toledo, Ohio, at the Toledo Mercy Hospital, in the sacristy of the chapel, which is up where they keep the body of Christ, amen, I believe.

[611] I think that's where, like up near the altar.

[612] I think that's the sacristy.

[613] Or maybe the sacristy is backstate.

[614] Happy Yom Kippur, everyone.

[615] They find a fellow nun finds the body of sister Margaret Ann Paul and she had been stabbed 31 times.

[616] Holy shit, that's a lot.

[617] She, well, she had initially been attacked from behind.

[618] She was hard of hearing.

[619] So her killer snuck up on her, took a piece of cloth, wrapped it around her neck, and choked her so hard that he broke two bones in her neck.

[620] Holy shit.

[621] Then she was placed on the floor while she was dying.

[622] She was covered with a, an altar cloth, and then she was stabbed nine times over the heart in an inverted cross shape.

[623] No. That's right.

[624] And then the cloth was removed, and she was stabbed in a chest, neck, and face 22 more times.

[625] What the fuck?

[626] Why take the cloth off?

[627] That doesn't make any sense.

[628] I mean, then the killer smudged blood on her forehead as if he was anointing her.

[629] Holy shit.

[630] with that blood, which is so creepy to me, the Catholic.

[631] So creepy.

[632] Then he pulled her dress above her chest.

[633] Not cool.

[634] Then he pulled her girdle and hose down.

[635] Not cool.

[636] And pulled her legs apart, and they say he penetrated her with either the murder weapon across or a finger.

[637] I hate the murder weapon.

[638] I hate that detail in murders.

[639] It's, yeah, that's, that's hideous.

[640] Yep.

[641] And it's also especially, in this case, the police were like, well, this was a person, this was a person who intimately knew Catholic ritual and who was trying to degrade this woman in front of God and degrade the church.

[642] Wow.

[643] If she had lived one more day, which was, if she had lived one more day, she would have been 72 years old.

[644] And I believe the next day was, what I was thinking there just then, it was the next day was, Easter.

[645] So she was born Honey.

[646] So four days later they have her funeral and Father Gerald Robinson presides over the funeral.

[647] He was the chaplain of the hospital chapel and she was the caretaker of the hospital chapel.

[648] I remember his name from when you introduced the story.

[649] Do you remember?

[650] Maybe I shouldn't have done that and then this would be more of a reveal.

[651] Look.

[652] Too late.

[653] If I had days and days to do the shit and I was on a and stuff.

[654] Oh, oh, the presentation I would give you.

[655] Wait, then you're making me feel bad because I have days and days.

[656] I'm unemployed at the end yet.

[657] I don't care.

[658] Well, then we're both doing great.

[659] Two weeks later, Father Robinson is brought in for questioning because they put it together that if it's somebody who knows Catholic ritual and it's somebody who's trying to demean her, they work together, and she is known as a taskmaster.

[660] there's in these it's so funny because these articles are clearly from a while ago where they're just right right up top they're talking about what a bitch she is yeah they're like none is a fucking cut what a bitch and it's like um first of all he murdered her so i think he's the bigger cut ultimate um sorry sorry the headline is sorry the i'm as tiny is it like font eight and everything else is a font 32 can we get that um shez Amanda that shes Amanda that shes dot com I mean at Instagram Yeah so But they talk about that she was She was a tough old bird And maybe that made him mad And maybe he couldn't handle that or didn't like it Or took it for years and years and years But He tried so hard to take it And he was a man of the Lord So I guess he just had to kill instead So he's brought in for questioning But he told the police in 1980 when he's brought in for questioning that somebody else had confessed to the murder.

[661] Oh.

[662] But he couldn't, he didn't know who it was and he couldn't say anything else because of the bond.

[663] That's smart.

[664] They gave him two polygraph tests, which were inconclusive.

[665] And then they let him go, and within the year he's transferred to a different area.

[666] How convenient?

[667] Well, 23 years later.

[668] Fuck.

[669] So this is the coldest of cold cases.

[670] Yeah.

[671] What ears that?

[672] It's a ritual murder of a nun in a chapel.

[673] It wasn't just like a passionate murder.

[674] Like the fact that he did the upside down cross and then and then anointed the smudge.

[675] Yes.

[676] Like that's evil.

[677] It's super evil.

[678] And what's weird to me is this and this is the part where I do want to get into this more and learn more about it.

[679] I bet you there's a book about this because this was during the time during satanic panic.

[680] Oh, right.

[681] In the 80s.

[682] went like the McMarton daycare thing where all of a sudden this weird thing and maybe this was before it and so it didn't catch that in the way that it would have other places but in the 80s there's a fascinating there's definitely books about it last podcast on the left did an episode about it of satanic panic where all the sudden people were being accused accused of ritual serial murder of like occult groups and satanic groups and killing children and sacrificing children and raping children and this whole thing.

[683] They like legitimately leaped in Satan that there were, you know, album, like music albums that you could play backwards that were telling people to kill children.

[684] And it was just like this insane thing.

[685] It was like a cultural phenomenon, much like the evil clown phenomenon we're all experiencing now.

[686] Which I fucking think is hilarious.

[687] It's the greatest.

[688] It's like it makes me happy in my heart.

[689] And I don't think that they're actually trying to hurt anyone.

[690] Like, I think there's, I would say there's 97 % of it is bored high school teenage boys who find old Halloween costumes and they're like, now we have something to do tonight.

[691] Totally.

[692] But there was that one story where there was someone that there was a clown on the edge of a forest trying to offer children candy.

[693] Yeah, but at what point is that built up by like terrified fucking, you know, parents who were like, he tried to lure my kid.

[694] And the kid was like, yeah, he totally tried.

[695] I just don't believe it.

[696] But that's even true.

[697] I would love to know.

[698] I think it's hilarious.

[699] There's, I say at the center of all this, there's one evil clown and everybody else is just bandwagoning on his shit.

[700] Yeah.

[701] And they're like, don't fuck our shit up, man. This is like good for us.

[702] But one of them's going to get shot by some fucking angry soccer dad.

[703] Well, then it's going to ruin it.

[704] Yeah.

[705] Then it's going to ruin it for all the rest of us.

[706] For all of us who want to laugh at this.

[707] Because it's hilarious.

[708] They were actually doing that in Kern County like two years ago and people were taking video of it.

[709] Oh, my God.

[710] And it was, because Kern County is up north of Los Angeles.

[711] Angeles, and it's basically the forest.

[712] It's the bottom of the wilderness times.

[713] And it's the creep there.

[714] People would drive by and there would just be a guy with a clown, dress as a clown, but like an evil clown holding balloons.

[715] I love it.

[716] Just standing around by the road out in the forest area.

[717] I feel like if I saw that, I would crack up.

[718] I would scream.

[719] I would laugh, but I would laugh out of fear, but in the way of like, I wouldn't be able to control myself.

[720] You'd scream, sneeze.

[721] Yes.

[722] Which, by the way, people are pissed at us.

[723] first talking about scream sneezers who scream sneezers are pissed oh really well I've been pissed at you guys for a really long time and also we talked about it in a way where you could see it coming and we spoke in normal tones we didn't all the sudden scream at the top of our lungs out of the blue for seemingly no reason so who cares what they think anyway back to this murderous priest go on all right 23 years later a woman tells the Toledo Catholic diocese that she suffered years of ritual sex abuse by a diocesan I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right and religious order of priests during her childhood holy shit and she named Gerald Robinson in particular mother fucker now these those accusations were never substantiated because though like why would she lie well a why would she lie be it's it takes me straight to the Lincoln Credit Union thing of that pedophile rings happen.

[724] They are crazy and upsetting and nobody wants to admit it, but it has happened, they do happen.

[725] Definitely.

[726] Whether that is happening because people want to dedicate their life to Satan, I don't know or think so.

[727] And if they, and if that's what they say, it's an excuse for bad behavior.

[728] Right.

[729] They're not religious people.

[730] No. And, you know, with her, with it being unsubstantiated, the intimidation that you must receive when you have any allegation of this going on is so intense that why would you then move forward with trying to substantiate it?

[731] Yes, exactly.

[732] Why would you put yourself in the hot water?

[733] You'd be like, you know what, fuck this.

[734] I'm moving on.

[735] Yeah.

[736] Now, I will just say this for even keelness sake.

[737] there is a possibility that the reason that she would make an accusation like that and it would be unfounded and untrue is because she had mental health issues.

[738] Okay.

[739] That is a possibility in no way am I accusing her.

[740] I don't even know who this person is.

[741] There's no name.

[742] And that's, of course, the first thing that gets thrown back at a person like that that then negates a victim's story.

[743] Right.

[744] So I am in no way doing that.

[745] The other thing is maybe she does have mental health issues and also isn't lying.

[746] Yeah.

[747] You know what?

[748] Maybe her mental health issues are because she fucking went through this thing for her.

[749] You know what I mean?

[750] Like insane people are still fucking saying some things that are like the truth.

[751] They're experienced.

[752] Yeah.

[753] You know what I mean?

[754] It's just so frustrating.

[755] Yes.

[756] And the idea that things don't get substantiated doesn't mean it's that they didn't happen.

[757] It's that the police cannot find proof 20 years later.

[758] Or don't want to find proof.

[759] Because maybe there's this.

[760] They're all fucking involvement.

[761] Conspiracies.

[762] to the roof.

[763] My favorite murder is cracking the fucking case right now.

[764] Get with it.

[765] By postulating.

[766] Postulating a lot.

[767] By repeatedly postulating vaguely.

[768] Hardcore vague postulating.

[769] That's our tagline now.

[770] That's the new shirt.

[771] That's our hook.

[772] Hardcore vague postulating.

[773] Okay.

[774] But then the authorities in December of the same year, so it was like six months later, they receive a letter about the woman's allegation.

[775] and they reopened the investigation into Sister Margaret Anne's death.

[776] So basically, somebody at the Catholic diocese heard this woman's story and believed her enough or felt enough about it to send a letter to the cops to say, I think this needs to be looked into in some way, and they did.

[777] And that's why that Sister Margaret Anne's death got, the case got reopened, and the name that they find is Father Gerald Robinson.

[778] that they there's a there's a man named in this crazy quote unquote crazy story of ritual priest molestation and then when they go to open this 20 year old murder case he's the he's the one guy that works there yeah and he's there yeah so then they start looking into it and they start um they look at i think i'm not sure exactly how they hooked this up but i love this there was a very light indentation on that altar cloth that got put on her that had a little picture of the U .S. Capitol.

[779] And it was the medallion on a letter opener that they found on his desk.

[780] Oh, my God.

[781] And then they took that letter opener and they put it and compared it to her wounds.

[782] It didn't match, right?

[783] It matched.

[784] Not only did it match.

[785] It matched like a key and a lock, quote, unquote.

[786] So then they go and talk to him and it's said that when they brought him in for questioning again, this is now in 2004, I think, he's brought in for questioning.

[787] They talk to him a little bit.

[788] He's talked to him a little bit.

[789] He denies everything.

[790] And when he leaves, the camera catches him.

[791] He's whispering to himself and saying, things like panic word you know like he's clearly praying oh my god he's saying like holy jesus and it's little things that you they can't pick up yeah the whole thing but it's um i can't i want to watch it that's crazy i know so basically it's a it's a bit of a robert durst yeah where he doesn't realize he's still being filmed oh my god and he's alone freaking the fuck out too freak out freak out to yourself everyone yeah exactly just stare straight ahead yeah try to keep your eyes open as wide as possible do not blink don't blink no matter what um but i feel like that's a thing of if you were if you were looked at for a murder and uh you were not guilty of that murder and then they brought you back in 20 years later yeah there's no need to pray in a panicked manner no after the cop's leave no i mean you might be upset or whatever, but you don't, what are you freaking out about?

[792] Yeah.

[793] I demand to know, you hope to tell me. So essentially they figure out that Father Robinson was angry about Sister Paul's domineering ways, that they'd worked together for a long time, and that he basically snapped.

[794] Also, the fact they were having Easter services at that chapel.

[795] So maybe something specific happened or like the pressure was building or they had to work together more than often more than usual i mean um to me though the level of overkill oh my god building up so crazy yeah and it also indicates it's like if you're a priest i mean i understand that you would be very familiar with things like inverted crosses yeah to stab to stab an inverted cross into an old woman's heart is pretty fucking extreme.

[796] But what if he was stabbing her from her head down?

[797] Like maybe it wasn't inverted in his mind.

[798] You know what I'm saying?

[799] No, it's the shape of an inverted cross.

[800] Okay.

[801] They think one of the theories is that he was trying to make it look like some outside, total creep.

[802] Which means he thought about it beforehand.

[803] Yeah.

[804] Like that's what's crazy is like those little aspects of like that he, means he thought about it beforehand.

[805] Yeah.

[806] And also, that doesn't sound like someone who's first and only kill.

[807] No, it really doesn't.

[808] No, it doesn't.

[809] I mean, for things that I've read, it absolutely doesn't.

[810] Because if you kill someone, if you snap and kill someone and stab them a bunch of times, but you don't have the presence of mind to do shapes.

[811] Shapes and designs and shapes, the thing on the forehead, but also putting the cloth on and then taking it off.

[812] Like, you would do one or the other.

[813] It means something.

[814] Yes, and it has meaning to you.

[815] And it is a ritual to you.

[816] Yeah.

[817] You, this priest.

[818] Like, he can't see her while she's still alive, but he's fine seeing her and stabbing her when she's dead.

[819] You know what I mean?

[820] But he, it was, the cloth was on when he did the inverted cross.

[821] Yeah, so she was probably alive during that.

[822] And then she was dead, and so he could take it off and kill her, like, and stab her more.

[823] which is creepy.

[824] Yes, then he knows he's stabbing a dead body.

[825] And then a priest.

[826] 22 times takes her clothing off.

[827] It's like, oh, you know, like, if you just wanted to kill her, then just do that.

[828] But then going through this, like, to make it look sexual.

[829] And, like, people who try to make it look sexual so that they think it's someone else are still doing this fucking crazy sexual thing.

[830] Yes.

[831] That's right.

[832] Right?

[833] Yes.

[834] It's, there's all, there's so many questions that I have.

[835] and I'm the one that looked up the story.

[836] Thank God.

[837] No, no, no. I mean, these are questions that only he can answer.

[838] Right.

[839] You know, these are not questions that we can.

[840] Yeah, I mean, because they didn't, he, he filed appeals.

[841] He pled not guilty.

[842] He filed appeals.

[843] The jury convicted him in like six hours.

[844] He was convicted of, they reduced the charge from aggravated murder.

[845] to just regular murder um but then he just was he just was in jail for the rest of his life and died there um and they convicted him on my birthday in 2006 happy birthday was that a good birthday for you um let's see i swear to god like these last i would say eight birthdays i have almost no memory of that's really good i mean it's all the same when you get to my age girls guys when you get to my age I'm taking a photo of you right now because Alice is like sitting next to you just listening to you intently And he's my good friend Yeah So that's that To have any makeup on No you look great I've work face Priest Gerald Robinson Probably not in heaven right now Might be in purgatory Good chance he's in hell Most likely Oh Jews don't believe in hell Oh well Depends on which Jew you ask He's you know he is.

[846] For all the Jews out there, he's waiting in line at the cheesecake factory and he cannot get seated.

[847] That sounds anti -Semitic.

[848] I just can't figure out how.

[849] Is it racist?

[850] No, I don't care.

[851] No, I don't care.

[852] No, I deem it on anti -Semitic.

[853] All right, that was good.

[854] Thanks.

[855] That was fucked up.

[856] That was good.

[857] That was fucked up, so it was good.

[858] Okay, good.

[859] So, all right, since we're going to be at the Chicago podcast festival.

[860] I wanted to give a big ups to Chicago by doing Chicago murder.

[861] No. What?

[862] Is it the torso murders?

[863] Oh, wait.

[864] No, that's Ohio.

[865] Also, we want to apologize to Indianapolis.

[866] Oh, they were hurt.

[867] No, but they were so funny about it, then it makes you want to go there.

[868] I know.

[869] Last week I said, I never want to go to Indianapolis.

[870] And everyone was just like, yeah, we get it.

[871] They were like really cool about it.

[872] And I'm like, oh, they sound cool.

[873] I know.

[874] I'll go to Indianapolis.

[875] But also, to me, when you said that, you clearly were just pulling a city name out of your...

[876] It wasn't like you've been there and you're all bummed.

[877] No, I mean, realistically, it's Cincinnati.

[878] One of every episode, I just name a city and piss the entire country on.

[879] No, you're just...

[880] But always keep it in that area, like that very contained area in the Midwest.

[881] That realistically, we're never going to go to.

[882] We are so going to go on a train tour that is Indianapolis.

[883] Let's go to the places Georgia is kind of me. On.

[884] Up to Peoria, Illinois.

[885] Uh -huh.

[886] But then right back down.

[887] Pittsburgh here on that list.

[888] Pittsburgh PA.

[889] Pittsburgh parties.

[890] Yeah.

[891] Pittsburgh's good times.

[892] Is it?

[893] Yeah.

[894] Okay.

[895] We'll be there.

[896] Come on.

[897] I've done some colleges.

[898] It's true.

[899] I've stayed at some of the best days in around this country.

[900] I can tell you all I got it.

[901] Thank you so much.

[902] I saw the highway and the byway.

[903] The through way?

[904] can I go please okay I'm kidding I don't care so this is I don't want to I want to stop laughing well I say what this is good idea okay this is the gauge park stabbing's yeah exactly stabbing's plural stabbing's multiple what city did you say Chicago yeah okay so February 4th 2016 That's recent.

[905] Oh, shit.

[906] That's right after we started this podcast.

[907] Police were called to perform a well -being check at the Martinez family home, which is Engage Park, which is a quiet working class neighborhood in the southwest side of Chicago.

[908] No one from the family had been seen since February 2nd, two days before.

[909] And a coworker of one of the family members had been to the police, like, been to the police.

[910] Like, what's up?

[911] So the police go and the doors to the Martinez family.

[912] family house are locked and there's no signs of force entry.

[913] But once the police get inside, they discover the bodies of the entire Martinez family.

[914] How many people?

[915] Well, you ready for this?

[916] So Noe Martinez Sr. He's 62.

[917] He's found just inside the front door with blood all over his head and arms and he had had 10 stab wounds to the chest.

[918] Noe's wife, 58 -year -old Rosario, Rosaro Martinez was found inside the back porch stabbed 45 times in her head, neck chest, abdomen including more than two dozen times in her head.

[919] Head stab wounds, man?

[920] I can't fucking deal with these.

[921] Those are like, you gotta like stab hard.

[922] That's rage.

[923] Yeah.

[924] That's crazy rage.

[925] Their daughter, 32 -year -old Maria Martinez, had died of four gunshot wounds to the head.

[926] Fuck.

[927] And their son, Noe Martinez Jr., who was 38, was found next to his sister.

[928] They were both in an upstairs bedroom.

[929] He had 16 blunt force injuries to his head and another 13 stab wounds to head.

[930] So here's a real sad part.

[931] I mean, that's a bummer, but the Sons of Maria, Alexis Cruz, who was 10, was discovered in the basement.

[932] And he had 11 stab wounds to the torso and 16 defensive wounds to his arms.

[933] hands.

[934] And then 13 -year -old Leonardo Cruz is found in the front porch with 11 stab wounds to the head, shoulder, and chest.

[935] Who the, oh my God.

[936] So, it was believed that all six were killed within about a three -hour period.

[937] And the doors...

[938] It's a nightmare.

[939] Yeah.

[940] The doors are locked.

[941] You know, no one's been heard from since the second.

[942] Oh, the family dog, Poulusa, which is Spanish for Fuzzy, was found alive inside covered in blood and visibly shaken.

[943] Oh, that poor dog.

[944] I mean, Jesus Christ.

[945] And this is like a few fucking, like less than a year ago in Chicago, like a nice family.

[946] So police originally thought it was a murder suicide, but the autopsy proved otherwise.

[947] And there were three types of knives used and none of them were there.

[948] So they were like clearly this and a gun.

[949] then a month after the family was killed they still hadn't found anyone and people were like freaking out that there was some crazy killer on the loose so the police kind of started looking into the theory that maybe the killer or killers it was like a hit and they had hit the wrong home because the family had no ties to drugs and nothing criminal at all so they were starting to think that maybe because all the houses looked similar in that area that these criminals had hit the wrong home which is fucking terrifying Horrifying.

[950] The cop said it's possibly targeted the wrong home for whatever reasons they were trying to get into a residence there.

[951] The family was targeted, but whether it was domestic related or possibly a Mexican cartel remains unclear, they said.

[952] Let's see.

[953] Okay.

[954] So those were initial theories.

[955] Then eventually they started thinking that the family had been specifically targeted because Maria Martinez, who they thought was the main target, had been shot.

[956] rather than stabbed.

[957] So they were like, that's fucking weird.

[958] So around three months later, while the whole neighborhood's freaking out, the detectives get a tip that the 22 -year -old nephew of Maria's ex -husband hadn't shown up for work the day of the killings.

[959] I'm sorry, had shown up the day after the, had shown up the day after with noticeable injuries.

[960] His name is Diego Uribe, and detectives get a DNA sample of him from him.

[961] A few weeks later, his DNA matched the blood under Maria's fingernails.

[962] And phone records also placed Diego Uribe in the area when the murders occurred.

[963] 22 -year -old fucking nephew.

[964] What the fuck?

[965] Yeah.

[966] So on May 19th, 2016, the Chicago police announced first -degree murder charges against Uribe, saying he had killed all six of them, including the two children, and a robbery that had turned into a massacre, although it seemed.

[967] It seems like he had wanted to kill them in addition to rob them.

[968] Yeah.

[969] You don't, no. You don't kill six people.

[970] You don't kill two fucking children.

[971] No. Because it's like a robbery gone wrong.

[972] No. And his girlfriend, Jeffeth Ramos, who was 19, was also charged.

[973] So it seems like Martinez, who was close to the boys and close to the family, they let him into the house because they knew him and he was there a lot.

[974] and he had gotten into an argument with Maria upstairs and had shot her first.

[975] And then her brother, Noe Jr., goes upstairs after hearing the shots, and he beats him to death with a gun.

[976] Then the mom, Rosario Martinez, goes upstairs.

[977] She gets killed next.

[978] And then he found the boys, and he made them get cash.

[979] and Xbox and other valuables from various rooms in the house after he had killed their family.

[980] And then he took the boy Alexis to the basement, stabs him to death and murders the other boy while he begs for his life.

[981] You're the fucking animal.

[982] Yeah, and he's admitting, like, they admitted to all of this.

[983] Oh, my God.

[984] And then he waits for the grandfather to get home and kills him on the porch.

[985] So they, a rebate and Ramos made off with an Xbox, about 550 in cash and jewelry and then they pawned for about 150 bucks and they said it was because they needed money for milk and diapers for their son as well as a car and so she's not, she, they don't think she actually killed anyone but they think she was a quote active participant so she was there like fucking cheering him on.

[986] Holding people down and shit.

[987] Yeah, probably.

[988] Um, but they both confess.

[989] They're both charged with first degree murder, held without bail.

[990] But so they said they needed it for money, but apparently there was tension between Uribe and Maria Martinez because when Maria divorced Uribe's uncle, um, he had a quote, a lot of anger over how she had treated him.

[991] But another family member said that the uncle was super controlling of Maria and didn't allow her to take showers, put on makeup, or leave the house without his permission.

[992] Wow.

[993] So he hates her, but meanwhile, she's in this crazy controlling relationship and finally gets out of it.

[994] So, yeah, they're being charged with first -degree murder.

[995] All the victims are going to be buried in Mexico.

[996] The Mexican consulate of Chicago is assisting in moving the bodies back to Mexico.

[997] That's fucking Chicago in February.

[998] And I've never heard of it.

[999] I've never heard that.

[1000] That's huge.

[1001] Also, it's fascinating.

[1002] having the you kill six people of your family and you have the foresight to like lock the door when you leave so it like that tiny detail is so confusing that you're that they would assume all these weird things yeah oh my God but the word detail to me too is that that he waited for the grandfather to come home because he wanted there to be a couple days in between the bodies being found and they knew that if he just laughed without killing the grandfather, who was probably home every night, then he would come home to these bodies and it would be a quicker fucking discovery.

[1003] I mean...

[1004] So he waits for him, kills him, and locks the doors.

[1005] Also, what brand of psycho are you when you can kill all those people?

[1006] Like, I mean, it's just, it's upsetting to hear about it, much less he did it and then like took a break and then did a little bit more.

[1007] So that he could fucking have what?

[1008] Yeah.

[1009] $500?

[1010] It doesn't make, it clearly isn't about that because it doesn't make any sense.

[1011] Like, you can rob the family without murdering them all, but I think he went over there with the intention of killing them so he could rob them, which if he, he kills her first by shooting her.

[1012] And then you would think he would stab her because he's so angry with her and then shoot the others.

[1013] Wait, did they say anything about drugs?

[1014] There was no drugs involved.

[1015] neither of them had a record the girlfriend had been arrested once for shoplifting or something like minor shoplifting um wow but it's just yeah it's like you don't even you don't even rob strangers you rob these two kids that you used to go over and play video games with and and be friended that were younger than you and you can kill them like that's psychopath that's to me yeah it's like these it's just these crazy circumstances that you become this or are always a psychopath and nobody knows about it.

[1016] Yes, exactly.

[1017] That family is like, come on in.

[1018] Oh, it's cousin Ricky or what the fuck his name is.

[1019] Oe.

[1020] We're going to do good things.

[1021] We need a good things moment.

[1022] We need like a good theme song.

[1023] So we can both lay down for a minute.

[1024] Podcasts.

[1025] I guess my good thing is being yelled outside.

[1026] Well, being in San Francisco was so much fun.

[1027] Wait, did it rain while you were up there?

[1028] No, it was gourd.

[1029] It was actually too hot.

[1030] I know.

[1031] It was like 90 -something.

[1032] Oh, shit.

[1033] But.

[1034] People must have been naked.

[1035] When the sun comes out and it's like 78 in San Francisco, people are like, my shorts.

[1036] Like, it's the funniest thing in the world.

[1037] The first thing we did was get falafels from truly Mediterranean and sit in um what's that park called the is it the one that's up near the hate yeah yeah no not golden gate park anyways no no but there's a part there's a small park that's like if you go down toward the lower hate yeah uh it was just full of like college kids and and and not no clothes and like everyone was getting high and it was just like super sweet yay yeah so fun so i think but the highlight of my week was that getting, that was my first time like getting yelled up by a stranger about the podcast.

[1038] That's the best.

[1039] Yeah, it was really nice.

[1040] Out of car.

[1041] I know.

[1042] Thank you to whoever that was.

[1043] Um, what was, how about you're, the best moment of your week, Karen?

[1044] I mean, I have to say they, going to watch Never Not Funny live was awesome because those guys are so hilarious.

[1045] And it was, and Edie McClurg was there.

[1046] She was just there to watch the show.

[1047] Wow.

[1048] Um, She's legendary from you may know her as the school secretary from Ferris Bueller's Day off.

[1049] He's a righteous dude.

[1050] God, she's so cute.

[1051] She's been in over a thousand movies.

[1052] They were looking at her IMDD and talking about her.

[1053] Is she the cutest though?

[1054] Yes.

[1055] And she got up to walk to the stage because they heard she was there and then they invited her up to say hi.

[1056] And she couldn't see because she was up in the back and it was super dark.

[1057] So I went and grabbed her hand and walked her up.

[1058] And that's when Jimmy gave us the shout -up.

[1059] Did he give us a shout at her just say something about it.

[1060] No, he doesn't, you know, he's like, he talks like he's, you know, like he's always talks like he's a professional radio man. Oh, right.

[1061] So, um, he actually was like, Karen Kilgarra from, uh, my favorite bird of podcast.

[1062] And then he's sort of pretending he was mad about it.

[1063] Riffing on you.

[1064] Um, it was really awesome.

[1065] That's so sweet.

[1066] Yeah, that was good.

[1067] But it also made me happy because like, after a long day of work, sometimes going to a comedy show is like the best thing in the world.

[1068] Yeah.

[1069] Instead of just going home and being like, I'm tired.

[1070] I'm going to try to watch some show that I will fall asleep.

[1071] no matter what in five minutes.

[1072] Going and watching my friends be hilarious and say the best things and riff shit, it's life affirming.

[1073] Plus, I know that you're a quick makeup in the car person.

[1074] And I feel like sometimes being forced to put makeup on makes you feel better.

[1075] You know what I mean?

[1076] Yes.

[1077] Like, when I go work at cafes during the day now, I make myself, like I have eyelash extensions.

[1078] I make myself put on makeup because I will immediately have a better day, like feel better by myself.

[1079] yes there was for like five years when I was in my what I like to call now the hermit phase and which is infuriating because anytime I did a podcast or anything I would remember when I got there oh I'm not to they're going to make me take a fucking picture at the I always forgot yeah I did that for a long time I just wouldn't I'd be like what for who cares like home's gonna see me it doesn't matter yeah and and then just recently yeah just to just to go and be somewhere and just kind of feel like I'm out and I'm in the world and I'm of the world.

[1080] Yeah.

[1081] Putting on some fucking a nice liquid eyeliner.

[1082] Yeah, a nice rosy, like tint, lip tint.

[1083] A lip tint that will stay for a couple hours.

[1084] Keep you young and fresh looking.

[1085] Yeah.

[1086] It's a good...

[1087] Glossier.

[1088] Can we get another ad, please?

[1089] Glossier, how about you represent us as we represent you all goddamn day long?

[1090] Shillin our packing?

[1091] Shillin, shillin.

[1092] Shillin it.

[1093] Shillin.

[1094] mind in our business um thanks for listening to my favorite murder we love you for loving murder like we do you guys are the best thank you murderinos thank you for your support and stay sexy don't get murdered Elvis you want a cookie cookie you want cookie Elvis you want a cookie come on cookie boy Elvis there he is oh he's fucking like pay me bitches Bye!