Kaley Cuoco

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Mike Shepard.

[2] I'm joined by Minister Mouse.

[3] Minister Mouse?

[4] Is that the next step for me?

[5] You've joined either the clergy, or can't you be a minister in like a court, like a barrister?

[6] I don't know.

[7] I don't believe so.

[8] I'm losing confidence in that thought rapidly, nosedive.

[9] Whoa, what a fun guest, okay?

[10] So fun.

[11] She was at 10 fun.

[12] Yeah.

[13] Kaylee Quoco.

[14] How'd I do?

[15] You did perfect.

[16] Yeah, I really wrestle with her name.

[17] Kaylee Quoco.

[18] It's the Quo that gets me. I like that part, Quoco.

[19] You say it.

[20] Kaylee Quoco.

[21] Oh, see, it sounded a little weird at the end.

[22] It did.

[23] Kaylee Quoco.

[24] It almost sounds like you have like, he's wazzy.

[25] Like, whatever that speech impediment is that like rabbit, the...

[26] Oh, Elmer Fudd.

[27] You almost sound like...

[28] I'm going to try to sound like him, okay?

[29] Okay.

[30] I'm hunting Wabbit.

[31] It's not a good impersonation.

[32] I'm going to stop.

[33] I don't think I know it enough to...

[34] You don't.

[35] He goes, be quiet.

[36] I'm hunting Wabbit.

[37] That's a bad impersonation, but that's pretty much what happens.

[38] Okay.

[39] Oh, geez.

[40] Kaley Kowke.

[41] Kaylee Kow.

[42] She was, of course, on Big Bang Theory, one of the most successful shows of all time.

[43] Eight simple rules as you'll discover Charmed I go into.

[44] And she is a new show that looks absolutely incredible, called The Flight Attendant.

[45] And it is on HBO Max starting November 26.

[46] We have one more thing to say.

[47] Oh, before we enjoy Kaylee Quoco, I want to announce that we have some new armchair expert merchandise.

[48] What do we got?

[49] We got three new shirts.

[50] Oh.

[51] Limited edition holiday sweaters.

[52] Limited edition.

[53] Only 250 made.

[54] Oh, my God.

[55] Limited edition Marine Layer Armchair Expert sweatshirts.

[56] 250 those.

[57] Explain why Marine Layers the shit.

[58] Okay.

[59] I have Marine Layer sweatshirts and they are so comfortable and so stylish.

[60] The fit is really important.

[61] So I said, we got to get Marine layer in on armchair.

[62] You insisted on it.

[63] I did.

[64] I insisted on it.

[65] It wasn't even a conversation.

[66] You said we're doing this.

[67] We're doing it.

[68] There's only 250.

[69] Well, 249 because I'm already going to buy mine.

[70] Right.

[71] And they are so cute.

[72] They really are.

[73] In fact, we're going to do a photo shoot in about an hour.

[74] I know.

[75] And you'll see those soon.

[76] Go to www.

[77] www .armchairexpertpod .com to check out the new items.

[78] Order some stuff for the big holiday season.

[79] Enjoy Kaylee Cuoco.

[80] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and add free right now.

[81] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[82] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[83] I am good.

[84] I am nervous.

[85] For real?

[86] I'm going to tell you why.

[87] Tell me why.

[88] Because out of all the things I've done in my career in life, my assistant's sister only care about this.

[89] Say that again.

[90] Your assistant's sister or your assistant?

[91] Sorry, my assistant and my sister only care about this right now.

[92] Two people that I spend a lot of time with.

[93] They are so excited about this.

[94] So let's go back, though.

[95] Just imagine, though, that I said to you, oh, fuck, man. I am so excited to talk to you.

[96] My brother's assistant loves you.

[97] You're right.

[98] That sounded so weird.

[99] No, no, no, no. No, these are two people that are with me a lot.

[100] So they know they're like, you're going on Dax's show?

[101] No, actually, your assistant and your sister is very relevant.

[102] When I thought you said your assistant's sister.

[103] Why didn't you?

[104] It's like, why didn't you just say your friend?

[105] Like I said way too many things.

[106] No, two very different people.

[107] Yeah, you've not had yet, or maybe I'm wrong, but none of your romantic partners were drastically more famous than you, right?

[108] So I often, people come up to me in the airport and they're just like, oh my God, I love your wife.

[109] And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I do too.

[110] She's great.

[111] I can't really take the compliment for her.

[112] I can just go like, yeah, I'll mention that to her.

[113] And we'll go from there.

[114] Yeah, my husband, Carl, is hilarious with that.

[115] He has a good sense of fubre about stuff like that because he gets that a lot.

[116] Does he have some go -to jokes?

[117] Like, if you guys are in the airport, yeah, definitely in the airport.

[118] Yeah, he's cute.

[119] But he'll say, like, really?

[120] Like, he'll always have a funny reaction.

[121] Like, oh, my God, I love it.

[122] And he'll be go, really?

[123] Like, why?

[124] I don't know.

[125] He's very quick on his feet.

[126] I'm always like, I'm laughing.

[127] He's a lot funnier than I am.

[128] In the event that someone likes us both seemingly equally, I'll force them to say who they like more, which is the most awkward thing you could ask somebody.

[129] Yeah, no, I bet.

[130] I bet.

[131] I bet.

[132] Plus, your wife is so beloved.

[133] I love her so much.

[134] Every time I see her, we're always like, we would be best friends.

[135] And then we go years and we don't see each other again.

[136] And then we see each other.

[137] I go, I love you.

[138] I love you too.

[139] And then we disappear into the night.

[140] Yeah, so what's curious is you see her all the time, but we've never seen each other.

[141] I was thinking about that.

[142] I was asked if I'd ever met you.

[143] And I was like, I don't.

[144] know how it's possible, but I don't think so.

[145] You'd remember I'm inordinately tall you'd find in real life.

[146] I would remember.

[147] And you're doing, obviously.

[148] Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[149] My humility would fucking knock you out.

[150] My husband and I talk about that a lot because I made him join Instagram maybe about a year ago and his Instagram was very funny, but he got really quick.

[151] He got about 400 ,000 followers, but he always laughs because they're all my follower.

[152] He goes, they're just your followers.

[153] So follow me now.

[154] To see pictures of you.

[155] To see pictures of me. By the way, horrific pictures of me. That's his Instagram is just trolling me, which is great.

[156] It's a good move.

[157] It's a totally good move.

[158] Yeah.

[159] The uncurated version of your life, the real version.

[160] Yeah, totally.

[161] That's what he does.

[162] He posts just horrible things about me, and he's gotten quite a little following with apparently haters of me. Oh, wow.

[163] What a niche.

[164] I know.

[165] He's really formed his own, his own.

[166] own little thing.

[167] It's working out well for him.

[168] And if I have it my way, we'll just talk about him the whole time.

[169] You have to be a confident dude to be married to you because I'm just going to be egocentric here.

[170] As you pointed out, I too am on TV and yet even I am dwarfed at times by my wife's success or by what she's making on Frozen or all these things that have been conventionally emasculating to me. Like I actually have had to work through these things like, oh, I'm not a man if I'm not the number one breadwinner.

[171] So I do think it takes a lot of confidence.

[172] Is he super confident?

[173] Is he got BDE and swagger?

[174] Yeah, no, that is interesting.

[175] I think even with my, you know, I was married previously, but even with that person, that was a big problem.

[176] And I was like, I have to be with someone who really has their own, whether they're famous or not, their own life.

[177] And I think what's so cool about Carl and everyone that's gotten to know him, he loves his life.

[178] And he loves his equestrian world and his, like, he's so cool in that arena, literally in that arena.

[179] So he gets so fulfilled.

[180] I know, that worked out.

[181] That was good.

[182] Wait, why?

[183] What does he do?

[184] He's a horse guy?

[185] He's a professional show jumper, so he travels all over the world, and he's on big teams and shows for our country and, like, does all, like, he's a very well -known on the West Coast American rider.

[186] I say that because it's a worldwide sport, and it goes crazy.

[187] So, yeah.

[188] So he does very well in what he does.

[189] does.

[190] And it's so important because I love horses so much and I love riding and I, that's a big part of my life.

[191] I love what he does so much that I get obsessed with his lifestyle, you know?

[192] Sure.

[193] And I'm the one that's like, this was so cool.

[194] You did so good today.

[195] And it's, it's such a, it's an interesting community and an interesting job that he has.

[196] And we just both share that passion.

[197] And he loves it.

[198] Well, our job is deceptively boring, right?

[199] Like people on the outside, of course, it seems very exciting.

[200] But in point of fact, it's pretty boring.

[201] When you bring visitors to that they're super into it for about 18 minutes it's the worst and then they're bored out of their fucking mind and they had planned the whole day to be there and neither of you can handle it you're just like i can't entertain you you're bored go home but riding horses like people are getting injured shit's happening right that is more exciting stuff it's like watching a race it's the worst when your friends want to come watch a taping of a sitcom that's the worst so they're like i want to sit in the audience i'm like no you you don't and they're like no we do and then it's like three hours and I see them up, they're like, it's horrible.

[202] I don't know what it is about a sitcom set with an audience.

[203] It's always fucking freezing.

[204] And I'm always like, guys, bring a coat.

[205] And they're up there and they're, and they're starving because it's now been three or four hours and no one's eaten anything.

[206] It's just not a good experience, but it's hard to express that because, you know, it sounds so cool and it's just not.

[207] Have you shit the bet on this?

[208] Kristen and I were obsessed with one season of American Idol.

[209] I can't remember which now.

[210] But enough so that we got ourselves inviting.

[211] to see one of the final shows live.

[212] And so we were like, oh, God, this is great.

[213] Like, we've been watching in the living room and now we're here.

[214] And what you don't realize, have you gone?

[215] Well, your sister was on the voice.

[216] She was, but that was a little different.

[217] But yes, I have not done American Idol, but yeah.

[218] Well, let me just tell you, it sounds like shit there.

[219] Because you're singing in this enormous warehouse.

[220] It's not like mixed like it is on television.

[221] So you're seeing the person you like, but you're not hearing it the way you want.

[222] too.

[223] That is so true.

[224] The only time we sat in an audience for something like that, I used to be obsessed with the biggest loser.

[225] Oh, great.

[226] Sure.

[227] I loved it.

[228] I loved it.

[229] And I became such a diehard fan that they invited me to the finale.

[230] So that was a great finale because then you saw the major reveal that I'd been watching all year.

[231] And then they come out and their life has changed and it's like amazing.

[232] But that was a good finale to be at.

[233] But I was obsessed with that show for a long time.

[234] But okay, let's drill into it just a bit.

[235] I got to imagine, so the episodes you were watching, they were one hour.

[236] Yes.

[237] And the reveal is probably 18 minutes of it.

[238] But how long were you there for that?

[239] It was a couple hours.

[240] You're right.

[241] It was way longer.

[242] Because then, you know, they're cutting.

[243] It's, it's even as an actor, it's way more fun to watch it on TV.

[244] It's all chopped together, right?

[245] The music.

[246] All the stuff.

[247] I know.

[248] I go so far as to say that most sports as well are just better.

[249] You better, like when I go, when I've gone to a football game, I don't know what's happening.

[250] I don't know who caught up.

[251] I don't, I miss when the ball's thrown.

[252] I don't know who's everyone's running.

[253] Who has the ball?

[254] Yes.

[255] At least when you're watching it, they're explaining every fucking thing that's happening.

[256] Yes, you can be a dumb dumb like I am about it and still really follow the game.

[257] No, totally.

[258] I'm the same way.

[259] Where are you at right now?

[260] Okay, so right now I'm in Toronto.

[261] I am quarantining in a very nice apartment.

[262] We're one weekend of quarantining.

[263] I'm shooting a movie here.

[264] So they're very, very serious about quarantine in Canada.

[265] Okay.

[266] Well, that doesn't surprise me. Like crazy.

[267] No, I know.

[268] It's like Pleasantville here.

[269] And from the minute we landed, they call us every few days.

[270] They, I don't know who they are, but they call and they say, have you left the apartment?

[271] How are you getting food?

[272] All these things to make sure we have not left.

[273] Do you feel like you're in Handmaid's Tale and you're one of the people who have escaped to Canada and they're like taking care of you?

[274] Yes.

[275] And I have a newborn baby right there.

[276] So strange.

[277] No, I'm joking.

[278] I'm joking.

[279] I was like, I did not research enough.

[280] You're with child?

[281] I have that.

[282] Oh.

[283] So what's the policy with canine visitors?

[284] Crazy.

[285] Horrible.

[286] Crazy.

[287] Harder, right?

[288] Well, it was harder.

[289] Trying to get the paperwork for this dog, it was really, really, it was harder than us getting in the country, letting the dogs in.

[290] Did you consider just buying one that looked similar to that one while you were in town?

[291] giving it up for adoption when you left.

[292] That's a good idea.

[293] Then you find it a home.

[294] Oh, my God.

[295] Who was it?

[296] Someone got in trouble.

[297] Someone took their dog to Australia on a private plane.

[298] And then they got a ticket.

[299] And there was a court case.

[300] I feel like that was Johnny Depp.

[301] Yeah, yep.

[302] Bingo.

[303] Nailed it.

[304] It was, right?

[305] Yep.

[306] Any animal news I have as a Google alert.

[307] So it just comes straight to my inbox.

[308] Anything with animals.

[309] Oh, you and Kristen would be best.

[310] friend.

[311] Yeah, just anything.

[312] I'm like, how's the dog?

[313] I was just about to bring that up.

[314] So, my wife, so who are you interviewing today?

[315] And I said, uh, Jewel and then Kelly.

[316] And she goes, like, occasionally if she knows the person, she's doing my research for me. She goes, yeah.

[317] Oh, she's a great, great woman.

[318] She loves dogs and loves animals.

[319] And she took about nine minutes just saying how much you like animals.

[320] And then I looked at her, I was like, thank you, honey.

[321] Yeah.

[322] I'll probably still do a little digging.

[323] But for her, that's all she needs to know about someone.

[324] It's all that matters.

[325] I love that she said that that warms my soul.

[326] No, it's true.

[327] That's what everyone knows about me. They're like, oh, she's the one that loves dogs.

[328] I know.

[329] It's all about the animals.

[330] So, Carl, have you and Carl been together and you notice there's a dog that is off leash and apparently does not have an owner present and you've got to stop everything and get involved?

[331] Does that happen?

[332] Yes.

[333] all the time.

[334] I look for a problem.

[335] Like, I'm literally looking out the window.

[336] I'm like, there might be one over there.

[337] Like, I'm nuts.

[338] They don't just come to me. I'm searching for it.

[339] Right, because your identity is that you rescue animals.

[340] And then so you've got to confirm it pretty regularly.

[341] Over the last few years, that's what I've wanted to use my voice for is rescue.

[342] That's been a big part of my life in recent years.

[343] So I don't know.

[344] It's very important.

[345] I'm just lucky I met a guy who's that obsessed.

[346] I mean, we have seven dogs.

[347] Oh, my goodness.

[348] Wow.

[349] Is that over the legal limit?

[350] It's actually a hoarding limit.

[351] So I'm not just to tell anyone that we have seven.

[352] That'll be the one thing your publicist asked us to edit out.

[353] Can you take out that she has seven?

[354] We do think that's an infraction in L .A. County.

[355] Yeah.

[356] We actually live in an area where there's a rule you can have as many animals as you want, which is why we move there.

[357] Yeah.

[358] For your safety, are you afraid to tell me what part of the city that is?

[359] I'm curious where that is.

[360] Oh, no, we're hidden hills.

[361] In hidden hills, you can have, because it's a kind of a horse community, you can have as many animals as you want.

[362] So that's really a big reason we move there.

[363] Your once Charmed co -star lives right there, right?

[364] Are you neighbors with her?

[365] Oh, Alyssa?

[366] Yeah.

[367] You know, I haven't talked to her in a long time, but you might be right about that.

[368] I love her.

[369] She was married to my previous agent, so I went there once, and yeah, it's just animals galore.

[370] She's awesome.

[371] I have a good story about her, too.

[372] She's a happy story.

[373] You want to hear it?

[374] Yeah, of course.

[375] No, it's really sweet.

[376] So I did one year of Charmed.

[377] It was a long time ago.

[378] Anyway, I was so terrified to join that show because the girls, and it's just a lot, like, not part of that cast.

[379] It was overwhelming as a 21 -year -old to go into that, or a 20 -year -old.

[380] I was like, these girls, I hope they're going to be nice.

[381] Like, it was a lot, and I was the new girl, and they've been together for seven years.

[382] Anyway, long story short, my first day of work, I had to go in for the gallery shoot.

[383] Oh.

[384] Right.

[385] They've already been shooting.

[386] By the way, I got asked to come the afternoon.

[387] So all morning, they're shooting their pictures together.

[388] Can I get people a little context really quick?

[389] Yes, sorry, yes.

[390] So a gallery shoot is when the TV show.

[391] you're on, has this enormous photo shoot.

[392] And what happens inevitably at them, especially like, I was on parenthood, right?

[393] So there's 14 cast members.

[394] And where are you in this photo, right?

[395] I mean, theoretically, whoever's center of the photo is most important and then disseminating out.

[396] So if you're flanking this photo, you're starting to get very insecure.

[397] So it's just a very heightened area for insecurity.

[398] It's awful.

[399] No, you're totally right.

[400] So my horror, so they've already been shooting their poster stuff all morning.

[401] And I come in the afternoon and I get there.

[402] and they're on a lunch break, so they've already been doing all this stuff.

[403] Anyway, I'm terrified to the point of, like, really wanting to cry, that fear of, like, oh, my God.

[404] So I walk into the makeup room, and I see, they're all sitting in the corner having lunch, you know, that situation.

[405] Like, you're getting mean girls fears.

[406] This is real scary, and I walk in, and I look, and I give a wave, and Alyssa stands right up, leaps across the couch, puts her arms around me, and goes, welcome to our show.

[407] I'm so happy you're here.

[408] Oh, that's nice.

[409] I know that sounds really small, but that changed everything.

[410] I'll never forget that she did that because I was so scared and she didn't have to do that.

[411] You know what's funny is I was going to bring up that show solely because it's spooky season and you played a witch.

[412] That is true.

[413] I didn't think I'd ever talk about Charmed.

[414] That was so random that that just came up.

[415] But Ryan, we have Alyssa.

[416] And yes, it's spooky season and I played a witch.

[417] I would have glossed right over your one year on Charmed.

[418] but I wrote it down thinking, you know, she played a witch.

[419] It's relevant right now.

[420] Well, look at that.

[421] It came up so naturally talking about Alyssa.

[422] Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, Monica.

[423] Ding, ding, ding.

[424] Okay, so really quick, when one plays a witch, I'm being serious.

[425] Like, let's just say if Daniel Day Lewis, Dan Lewis, if he was going to play a witch, right, he would have learned everything about the history of the witches.

[426] And he would have probably, like, done some pretty accurate witch stuff, I guess.

[427] Yeah.

[428] I wouldn't at all.

[429] I would watch, like, you know, a car.

[430] cartoon or something.

[431] Did it even cross your mind like I should brush up on what witches are?

[432] No. Okay.

[433] I just wanted to know where you're, if you're on the me spectrum or the Dan Lewis spectrum.

[434] No, I'm definitely on the year spectrum.

[435] That's not my.

[436] No. No. Plus it was all like, I mean, it was charmed.

[437] Like it was cute.

[438] And which I heard a new charmed is out.

[439] I think.

[440] Fantastic.

[441] Just in time.

[442] But I know just in time for your spooky season.

[443] Yeah.

[444] Oh man. What was your power?

[445] What was your power on Charmed?

[446] I could move things with my mind.

[447] Telepathy.

[448] Yeah.

[449] Okay, so you want to hear something interesting.

[450] We would have never known this, but yesterday we interviewed this expert, a religious studies professor who studies exorcisms, and he actually told us why witches ride brooms.

[451] We found this out yesterday.

[452] Yeah.

[453] Ding, ding, ding.

[454] Spooky season.

[455] Do you want to know why?

[456] I was trying to think if I've heard this.

[457] I feel like this came up when I watched Harry Potter one night and someone had this conversation.

[458] No, you go ahead.

[459] You tell me. You've got Monica's attention now that you said.

[460] I perked.

[461] Harry Potter, you?

[462] Perked.

[463] No, tell me. Tell me. Okay.

[464] So they would accuse these women in Germany of witchcraft, right?

[465] And they would say that they had committed this seance in this area of the forest.

[466] And people would start asking, like, how logistically did they get to that area of the forest and back?

[467] Because travel back then was just so impossible.

[468] So the accusations that what these women were doing, it was impossible.

[469] So they literally, just because they wanted to believe that part so bad that they had gone to this specific force to perform this ritual, they had to invent a way that they could have possibly gotten there.

[470] And they just said that they can ride brooms.

[471] Did I get that right, Monica?

[472] Yeah, I think so.

[473] I tuned out, but I think you did it right.

[474] You little bastard.

[475] I was just going to bring you into this, Monica.

[476] because I've only talked to two callies in my whole life in two of them I spoke with in the last 20 minutes.

[477] I had a fear you were going to say that, but this is, Jack has a problem with names.

[478] So my best friend who's in town, his name is Callie, and yours is Kaylee.

[479] Yes, no, but a lot of people, yes, mine is Kaylee, but a lot of people usually get it wrong and they say Callie.

[480] I didn't hear you say Callie, did you?

[481] No, I said Kaylee the whole time, every time.

[482] He's calling my friend the wrong name.

[483] What?

[484] Okay, that's what it is.

[485] Yeah.

[486] If I've got to prioritize in this moment, Monica, I'm going to say I call.

[487] Yeah, okay, okay.

[488] Honestly, I didn't even notice because people get my last name wrong so often that noticing my first name is like, wouldn't even matter to me. I've been practicing it all day.

[489] You have?

[490] I want to say cocoa.

[491] I would love to say cocoa.

[492] So I got to say, no, I know.

[493] I'm going to respect you.

[494] So I've been practicing saying Cuoco.

[495] Good job.

[496] Want to hear something so crazy.

[497] My last name means cook in Italian.

[498] So I've gone by Kaylee Cook for years, right?

[499] It's obviously way easier for someone to say.

[500] So even my dad, when we were younger, our reservations would be under Cook and our hotel.

[501] It was always Cook because no one could spell it or do the other thing.

[502] So anyway, when I met Carl, I met Carl Cook.

[503] That's his name.

[504] So, I mean, isn't that really wild?

[505] So I didn't have to change anything.

[506] Well, I'll tell you what Monica and I think I can speak for her.

[507] in this moment is we are in Monica's father's simulation.

[508] You too, Kaylee.

[509] Welcome.

[510] Welcome to my father's simulation.

[511] So her father bought this really expensive simulation package.

[512] He's somewhere in a vegetative state experiencing this.

[513] In a pod.

[514] And you're a part of it.

[515] And of course your husband's last name is the Italian of your name.

[516] You know, it's because it's way too convenient and it's really just laziness on the designers of the simulations part, just so you know.

[517] Sometimes they fuck up and they make the things too coincidental.

[518] It's like really obvious.

[519] And this is one of those circumstances.

[520] It really is.

[521] No, I agree.

[522] You went from Kaylee Cuoco Cook to Kuali Cook.

[523] I go by Kaylee Cook.

[524] Kelly Cook, that'll make it easier for you.

[525] I do have one question about.

[526] ask, Carl Cook, and I don't know if you're comfortable answering it, but you'll tell me, I project my own fears and insecurities onto other people.

[527] So I saw that his father is so accomplished, Carl's father.

[528] He is a director of eBay and some other giant company, and he's just very successful.

[529] And so if I were you and I went to meet him, I'm already carrying baggage that I have kind of a silly profession.

[530] I mean, it's radical that you've made a lot of money doing it, So that part's cool, but just going like, yeah, I say lines in front of an audience and you're a bona fide genius who built an empire.

[531] Were you at all, do you feel fearful or insecure about that?

[532] It's funny.

[533] I was very nervous to meet my now in -laws for that exact reason, obviously, and they are so smart.

[534] His mother, too, she's extremely smart, has a lot of credits to her name.

[535] And, in fact, Scott, my father -in -law credits Cigney, my mother -in -law, with all his success.

[536] They were together before they had anything, before they owned a car.

[537] So they've been together this whole time, and he really credits her with how he got to where he is today.

[538] But I was very nervous.

[539] And there are even moments where I still am.

[540] They're the most, what's amazing is they're the most wonderful people.

[541] I still am.

[542] I still am.

[543] The most wonderful people in the world, they're so down to earth.

[544] You'd never know.

[545] I mean, even when I met Carl.

[546] in the equestrian world, look, it's known that you've got to have money.

[547] It's a little look down upon because of that, and it's a little, you know, shushu, and people get mad, and they're like, well, of course Carl can do it because his family can do this.

[548] And he dealt with that for a lot of years.

[549] And he became known a little bit in the equestrian world as kind of, I don't want to say the word, jerk, but he started to recoil and get real quiet.

[550] Sure.

[551] He was embarrassed because he felt that's why everyone was looking at him.

[552] And he kind of turned to a different person.

[553] And now that we've met, and I do feel like I brought out this amazing different side of him, that he's a totally different person now.

[554] And I've said, you know, Carl, that's not who you are.

[555] And that's what's so amazing.

[556] Like, when I met him, he had years into dating, I finally told him to get, he had like an iPhone four.

[557] He drove, his car was like a mess.

[558] I'm like, it's not what you think, right?

[559] Yeah.

[560] But I was so nervous when I met my in -laws.

[561] And there are even conversations because his siblings are extremely smart, too.

[562] You know, they're all in the tech world.

[563] Okay.

[564] And they're really, really smart.

[565] Carl is considered the black sheep in a way.

[566] He's the dummy of the family.

[567] He went and did like this.

[568] I said their thing.

[569] You've met my son Carl, the dummy.

[570] He rides horses, I guess, for a living.

[571] Carl, are you getting paid for this?

[572] In a way, that's probably how Carl feels him, but I know.

[573] I can already tell I love Carl, by the way.

[574] The reason why I know you guys would love Carl and he would love you, you both wear your hair like that.

[575] Oh, okay.

[576] A man bun?

[577] His hair is now down to here, and he's full man bun, and he's very blonde.

[578] You guys have a similar, I'm telling you, get along.

[579] I hope you don't get confused when we hang out.

[580] He's got the scruff.

[581] You guys are very, very similar, actually.

[582] Mistakes are made.

[583] Okay, really quick.

[584] I'm going to go further about Carl and I. So my passion is riding motorcycles, and because I, I'm a control freak.

[585] So I like to take this thing that's very hard to control at speed and go to a track and control it.

[586] And then I get my esteem from that.

[587] It's the same thing with horses.

[588] It's got to be right.

[589] He loves to be able to control.

[590] No, it's both these things are big risks.

[591] You have to love it so much.

[592] People think it's crazy.

[593] But until you do it, you love obviously.

[594] People probably say, how could you ride a motorcycle?

[595] It's so dangerous.

[596] And you're like, I fucking love it.

[597] That's almost all they say.

[598] Yeah, yeah.

[599] Yeah.

[600] Yeah.

[601] Well, it's hard not to say it when he gets injured.

[602] Well, right.

[603] I've never told someone I go to the track on the motorcycle and they were like, I'm so happy you do that.

[604] That's so great.

[605] I'm so glad you're doing that with children.

[606] That's usually the second thing they say.

[607] That's a responsible thing to do.

[608] That is super responsible.

[609] That's really good.

[610] Wait, I have a question about Carl.

[611] Yeah.

[612] By the way, Carl comes out on November 22nd on HBO Max.

[613] No, but I think it probably makes sense seeing the, he's not threatened because he also has grown up in a situation where he has had to adjust to elite parents and siblings his whole life.

[614] So he probably is like, yeah, I'm used to this.

[615] Yeah, some training.

[616] Yeah, he, I think, I do agree with that.

[617] And he's found something that brings him such joy and passion and he's good at it.

[618] Awesome.

[619] Yeah, I'm his biggest fan in that arena, which is, which is, I keep saying an arena like a rider.

[620] It's so ridiculous.

[621] Does he have awesome legs and ass.

[622] He, yes.

[623] So he doesn't eat meat or fish or he's nothing.

[624] He's, he's so crazy healthy.

[625] Oh my gosh.

[626] And he grows all his own food.

[627] Oh, my Lord.

[628] His garden is like a mile long and he cooks everything.

[629] And I know, it's really, he's unbelievable.

[630] Now it's tipping and I feel inferior around him.

[631] So I'm now I'm starting to worry that we're not going to gel well.

[632] But all that handling of the heavy horse, he must have the strongest legs.

[633] He does.

[634] He's very strong, but he's also, he would probably say that it's a much lighter seat.

[635] You don't have to be strong.

[636] It's more of an emotional thing for him.

[637] Like, he would probably say it's the opposite of strength.

[638] It's actually the lighter you are and you're kind of feeling the horse and the less you are, it's a calm sport.

[639] He makes it calm.

[640] Well, okay.

[641] Interestingly, when you're on the motorcycle and you're in the turn and you leaned all the way over and your knees on the ground, You have to hold so lightly on those handlebars because when it hits bumps, if you're holding on hard, you'll put all your weight into that.

[642] And the front end will just fly out.

[643] So you're actually just barely holding on.

[644] No, that is the same thing with a horse.

[645] It's like you do as little as you can and do not get in their way, you know?

[646] And kind of you're a passenger, but you're also a driver.

[647] It's a very, it's a weird back and forth.

[648] Yeah.

[649] You want to be calm and quiet because they feel you.

[650] If you're like this and strong, they're going to feel it too.

[651] So I think what makes him so great at it is.

[652] is he is so calm.

[653] He must be intuitive, too.

[654] Very intuitive?

[655] He's so intuitive.

[656] He has a calm sense about him.

[657] It's just how he is.

[658] You want to keep talking about Carl?

[659] He should be here for this.

[660] This is a shame.

[661] It is a shame.

[662] It's a real missed opportunity.

[663] Monica, what if he strode through the apartment on horseback?

[664] Wow.

[665] And I was like, surprise.

[666] And then did a wheelie on the horse and then hopped off.

[667] Dax, are you into cars?

[668] Are you a car guy?

[669] It's all I care about.

[670] Yeah, yeah.

[671] Okay, you guys would be best friends.

[672] I'm buying one in an hour and a half.

[673] When we hang up, I'm going to Mount Washington to buy a car, yeah.

[674] So he loves cars.

[675] He old, new, he loves him, yeah.

[676] I'm in.

[677] I'm ready for a blind date with Carl.

[678] You guys will both have your top knots.

[679] I think you'd be very cute.

[680] I think this would go very well.

[681] Okay, great.

[682] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[683] We've all been there.

[684] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[685] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[686] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[687] Hey, listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[688] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[689] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[690] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[691] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[692] What's up, guys?

[693] This is your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[694] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[695] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[696] And I don't mean just friends.

[697] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[698] The list goes on.

[699] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[700] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[701] Okay.

[702] So you grew up in Camarillo.

[703] Yes.

[704] Camarillo's about equal distance to say where I grew up from Detroit.

[705] So Detroit's my city, but it was also so far away.

[706] So I wonder, for anyone else, it would seem like you grew up in L .A., but did it feel very far away, or did it feel like you were in L .A.?

[707] It did kind of feel far away.

[708] You know, I've been working for so long that I don't remember not working.

[709] And I, but I remember, you know, we lived very far.

[710] And I just remember my mom, mostly my mom, my dad, too, but driving me four or five days a week to auditions into L .A. Obviously, now living in the Valley and living in L .A., it's very funny because these are the places we would travel to for these auditions.

[711] And my mom would drive me, I mean, thinking of how far.

[712] that was to go to a commercial audition at 4 o 'clock, you know, like every day.

[713] God bless.

[714] It's really unbelievable.

[715] I think about that all the time.

[716] You've bought her a house subsequently, right?

[717] I bought her a house subsequently, right?

[718] I hope.

[719] Everyone's taken care of.

[720] They're taking care of.

[721] Everyone's safe.

[722] Everyone's feeling safe.

[723] Absolutely.

[724] Everyone's feeling safe.

[725] They're good.

[726] No, but it is wild.

[727] They drove me every day.

[728] I can't believe what they did for years because I've been doing this for so long.

[729] Yeah, so you wanted to do it, obviously.

[730] You wanted to be an actor, but also, did you want to live in L .A.?

[731] I mean, I'm inclined to think not if you live in Hidden Hills.

[732] No, I never wanted to live in L .A. I had a very serious talk with my parents, or they had one with me. And whenever I tell this story, people laugh at me because I was so young.

[733] They're like, how could this be a serious talk?

[734] But I remember it clearly.

[735] I was probably, I don't know, maybe seven, eight.

[736] And I had worked a lot at that point.

[737] I worked a lot as a little kid and then early teens, not so much.

[738] And then later.

[739] But they said to me, they're like, you know, you're starting to book more jobs and like, is this something you really want to do?

[740] It's pretty serious.

[741] And I just remember going, yeah, it was in my soul.

[742] There was no like, let's do this.

[743] And my parents weren't wanting me to.

[744] They didn't care.

[745] They said, if you like it, this is what you're doing.

[746] Yeah.

[747] And it felt like that was what I was supposed to do.

[748] Okay.

[749] I only have a few like career questions.

[750] One was charm because it's spooky season.

[751] And then another one is.

[752] No one's ever asked me about.

[753] The first television show I ever fell in love with ever, well, other than Dukes of Hazard, was Northern Exposure.

[754] I love Northern Exposure.

[755] Really?

[756] Come to find out, years later, David Chase, who created Sopranos, he was the head writer on that show for some seasons.

[757] So I was like, oh, I guess this weirdly makes sense.

[758] But anyways, you were on Northern Exposure.

[759] I did one episode.

[760] Yes, I was very, very little.

[761] I was probably, I was probably five years old.

[762] He's finding these things.

[763] I haven't talked about Charmed in years.

[764] You're on the biggest show of all time.

[765] Yeah, we'll get to.

[766] They know that.

[767] The one season you did Charmed and one episode.

[768] Listen, they know she's on that other show, okay?

[769] They might not know she did Northern Exposure.

[770] I just find it hilarious.

[771] No, no one asks me these questions.

[772] I haven't thought about Charmed or Northern Exposure in 20 years.

[773] Did you fly up to Washington to be on it?

[774] Did it then shoot in Rosalind Washington?

[775] Yes.

[776] God damn.

[777] My mom went with me. I was probably five.

[778] Oh, what an age.

[779] No, that's how far it was.

[780] Far as long ago it was.

[781] Yeah.

[782] I remember the scene.

[783] I was playing Barbies.

[784] It was 1994 and you were born in 85?

[785] 85, yeah.

[786] Okay, so you were nine.

[787] I was nine?

[788] Eight or nine, yeah.

[789] You're two years older than Monica.

[790] Okay, maybe I was eight.

[791] No, no, maybe I might have been eight.

[792] It feels like I was a lot younger, but eight sounds maybe right.

[793] I remember I had to play with Barbies.

[794] Oh, yeah.

[795] She did.

[796] And do you remember who you were in a scene with?

[797] Yes.

[798] Blonde.

[799] She was fake pregnant.

[800] Oh, yes.

[801] Hollis's wife.

[802] That they owned the bar.

[803] Yes.

[804] I loved her.

[805] Yes.

[806] Yes.

[807] Yeah.

[808] Wonderful.

[809] I can't believe I remember that.

[810] I know.

[811] Man, good job.

[812] Ask me another weird question.

[813] No, now we're going to get into the mainstream stuff.

[814] What?

[815] As you said, you got a little dicey in the teen years there for a minute.

[816] Well, I worked a lot as a kid.

[817] And then when I hit like 13, 14, 15, I didn't work as much.

[818] And I think that was the weird time when, like, I needed to get my high school, my GED.

[819] There was some stuff about my age.

[820] And I kind of looked a little older than the, but I couldn't play that yet.

[821] Did you get boobs early or something?

[822] Is that what?

[823] I just kind of was like, I mean, I'm 34 now.

[824] So I feel like I can say.

[825] I was like that hot, like the blonde, you know, the boot.

[826] Like I just looked older than I don't know.

[827] It sounds so dumb saying that.

[828] You know what I mean?

[829] You can't feel bad about telling the reality of what happened.

[830] It was so long ago, but when I turned 15 is when I booked Eight Simple Rules.

[831] Yeah, that's the next stop on that Kaylee Choo Choo Choo Chene.

[832] Yeah.

[833] So my two questions about that are obviously John Ritter, was he the most sweetest son of a gun to ever live?

[834] We interviewed Jason, who I'm really good friends with.

[835] Oh, oh.

[836] We talked, yeah, to have such a public father and to have to kind of share your moral.

[837] with people publicly.

[838] Just what a weird dynamic that is.

[839] That must have been so weird for, I mean, Jason is, isn't he just a magical?

[840] He's the most magical human being I've ever met.

[841] So then you never met John then.

[842] I never met John, but just, I loved him so much, and particularly from Bad Santa.

[843] I think his performance in Bad Santa is so next level.

[844] I know.

[845] No one knew.

[846] Well, that and obviously Billy Bob movie.

[847] Oh, Sling Blade.

[848] Yes.

[849] Yep, beautiful performance.

[850] I don't think.

[851] obviously now we talk about these performances, but I don't think anyone realized he was such an unbelievable actor.

[852] Yes, he was hilarious and could do a prop fall and make you just pee your pants laughing, but he was an unbelievable actor.

[853] Yeah.

[854] I also feel like you must have gotten really lucky because that's a great steward of a young actress becoming a season regular on a show.

[855] I just, I would guess.

[856] Oh, it was unbelievable.

[857] I mean, you know how hard it is.

[858] It's like getting the audition, getting a pilot, getting it shot and picked up.

[859] I mean, you know, all these steps are even now, even harder now.

[860] Yeah.

[861] So I got it when I was, I had just turned 16 and I'll never forget, I got my license that I could drive.

[862] Yeah.

[863] I begged my mom to let me drive to the table read by myself.

[864] Yes.

[865] What a fun thing.

[866] You must have felt 36 years old.

[867] So I felt this age right now.

[868] Yeah.

[869] She's let me do it.

[870] I had to drive to Universal.

[871] I'll never forget.

[872] It It was actually at Universal, even though we were on ABC, but I went to the table read, and I had on, because I played, you know, that fucking little hot 16 -year -old, right?

[873] So I was dressed really sexy thinking that's what I should do, right?

[874] Yeah.

[875] So John walks in and he sees me like, oh, hi, I'm Gaylee, I play your daughter, and he takes his jacket off and puts it over me and says, don't ever dress like this again.

[876] Oh, no. Oh, my God.

[877] Did you feel protected or embarrassed?

[878] No, no, I felt it was really joyful.

[879] Like, he had a huge smile on it.

[880] It wasn't negative.

[881] It was like my daughter doesn't dress like this.

[882] Oh, he's already playing the character.

[883] Yes, so he covered me in the jacket.

[884] Isn't that the cutest?

[885] It is.

[886] By the way, how about this light that's hitting me right now?

[887] I know.

[888] Good.

[889] Are you seeing this?

[890] Gorgeous.

[891] It's like I asked the sun to go down at the significant.

[892] exact fucking moment.

[893] look at this lighting.

[894] I know.

[895] Rob, Rob, could you do a screenshot of this?

[896] Yeah, yeah.

[897] I've got a lot.

[898] I've got a lot.

[899] Now you scared me, Rob.

[900] Did you hear Rob?

[901] I said, get a screenshot of this and he goes, I got a lot.

[902] And then I got nervous he's gotten too many.

[903] I did not mean it like that.

[904] I mean, I typically take a lot.

[905] I got a lot.

[906] Oh, I've got a lot.

[907] Oh, I've got a lot.

[908] Don't you worry.

[909] Don't you worry.

[910] Okay.

[911] Okay, so he was just a sweetie pie, right?

[912] The best of the best of the best of the best in every way.

[913] Yeah.

[914] I remember things like it was yesterday.

[915] He was also the guy that had three jokes and he told them every day.

[916] Oh.

[917] Like dad jokes and you were always like, this joke in and then you would laugh so hard that you cry.

[918] Every day.

[919] Yeah.

[920] He had a joke where he would come in.

[921] We used to have all these living room scenes because it was a family, so we'd have like these dinner scenes.

[922] And we would rehearse with chips.

[923] There's always chips around.

[924] And he'd always come up behind one of us.

[925] We'd be totally not noticing.

[926] He'd come and he'd put a chip on our shoulder.

[927] And he'd go, do you have a chip on your shoulder?

[928] And then he'd walk away.

[929] But every day, there was someone.

[930] And we would, I'd be like, this again.

[931] And then we would laugh.

[932] Yeah.

[933] Do you know Ryan Hanson by chance?

[934] Why do I know that name?

[935] I feel like maybe.

[936] He's that.

[937] He's real life, John Ritter.

[938] Yes, he'll do the dumbest jokes.

[939] No one could pull them off.

[940] And my joke to him is always like, if I try to repeat the joke you made.

[941] Oh, my buddy, my buddy Ryan, like he came in and he said, where's the water?

[942] It doesn't make any sense unless he does it.

[943] He's got some magic sauce.

[944] Some people have that really interesting gift.

[945] It's this light that shines from within.

[946] And then Katie Seagall, who I've never met, but I saw a 60 Minutes segment on her 20 years ago, and I decided I loved her.

[947] I was like, that woman is a gangster.

[948] Exactly.

[949] I was just going to say she's a badass.

[950] Yes.

[951] Yeah.

[952] She is cool as shit.

[953] I mean, she married.

[954] Oh, my God.

[955] I remember when her husband was the writer of Sons of Anarchy.

[956] Like, she married the coolest dude.

[957] And they're both just fucking cool together.

[958] And did she, I'm now, I'm just like going way too far out on limb, but I would imagine that too would be a great role model at 16 to see.

[959] I have to imagine she had boundaries.

[960] She didn't take shit.

[961] Was she a beacon of that strength?

[962] She was because she also had like a crazy childhood and crazy life.

[963] Like she lived a wild life.

[964] She was like a musician and she has a crazy story.

[965] So I think she's seen a lot of crazy things.

[966] Right.

[967] And so she's able to say like, dude, I've done this.

[968] There's nothing she hasn't done.

[969] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[970] She's been through it and came through it.

[971] And also coming from married with children having like this crazy show and then kind of like stepping back a minute and then coming back.

[972] That's amazing.

[973] And keeping your career at that point, that's pretty huge.

[974] Yeah, it's hard to leave a show that's a very accurate and parallel topic for you, which is she's on this iconic show.

[975] And sometimes they can kill you.

[976] Like sometimes people cannot transition with you into something else.

[977] And when people do it, it's just incredibly impressive.

[978] Like, I don't know how any of us would see Jerry Seinfeld is like a serial killer on an HBO show.

[979] I just, you know.

[980] I'm only laughing because we've been catching up on comedians and cars drinking coffee.

[981] Yeah.

[982] That's just so funny that you would say that.

[983] You're right.

[984] He could never.

[985] He'd laugh.

[986] He laughed too much while he was murdering.

[987] You would never believe him.

[988] That's a mainstay for Monica and I as well, by the way.

[989] We love that show.

[990] We'd love that show.

[991] Oh, my God.

[992] That's a buck.

[993] You got to get on that show, Dax.

[994] You got to get on that show.

[995] I don't think it's going to happen.

[996] I feel like there isn't a comedian quote who's more into cars than me. And I haven't been asked.

[997] So my hunch is, I'm probably just never going to get ass.

[998] But because you've never met him, though, right?

[999] Because he.

[1000] I met him.

[1001] I went to, I even went to he.

[1002] His wife has this great charity, and he...

[1003] Good Plus Foundation.

[1004] We'll plug it.

[1005] Good plus.

[1006] And he's very active in helping cultivate fatherhood and having good symbols of fatherhood.

[1007] So I attended one of these lunches and I said hi to him.

[1008] Then I said something mildly weird that I think he, I don't know.

[1009] I don't think I'll be on that show.

[1010] You really are.

[1011] But again, it's okay if I just enjoy it.

[1012] I love watching it.

[1013] I'm just saying, yeah, only because it's so recent to me right now because we've been watching it over the last few days.

[1014] I'm like, oh, my God, you'd be perfect for that.

[1015] Well, as the bar drops, he's kind of running out of comedians as well.

[1016] So that bodes in my favor.

[1017] Okay, so.

[1018] Oh, we're talking about, yes, going from.

[1019] No, you're right, though.

[1020] I think going from a show like Married with Children, because married with children was so specific.

[1021] And that character that she played was insane.

[1022] Like, how do you see her outside of that?

[1023] So her being able to get out of that.

[1024] And, Christine, I mean, look at the whole show, Christina Applegate, too.

[1025] That's a great story.

[1026] Yes.

[1027] Her being on that and reinventing herself.

[1028] Ed O 'Neill, he ended up on Modern Family.

[1029] Ed!

[1030] Come on.

[1031] Yes, of course.

[1032] Look what we just did there.

[1033] Oh, I love that.

[1034] It's a success story across the board.

[1035] It really is.

[1036] Did you ever have any fear?

[1037] Because how many years did you do Big Bang?

[1038] Like 12 or 13?

[1039] 12.

[1040] So was there any point in that 12 year process where you thought, hmm, this might be impossible to shake?

[1041] Like, is it a golden cage?

[1042] That's too dramatic.

[1043] No, it's not dramatic.

[1044] I don't want to sound corny, but I honestly didn't think that way because I thought, okay, if this is who I am and they all know that I'm the funny blonde girl next door and that's all I do forever, then that's okay.

[1045] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1046] Because the question would be, do you think you're going to be typecast?

[1047] Right.

[1048] And it's cool, though, because the first few years, yes, was it so typical, cliche, cute, blonde girl next door next to the nerds, lullet, yes.

[1049] But as the show went on, she was such a real person and she was the audience.

[1050] I mean, she was sarcastic.

[1051] The look in her eyes was what the audience's look was.

[1052] two, you know, these conversations she was having with these guys.

[1053] So I felt like she was actually pretty grounded as the years went on.

[1054] But like I said, if I was going to get typecast and put in that box of being able to be funny and make people laugh and I was going to go do more sitcoms because that's the only thing I could do, then I really was, I will be with that, you know?

[1055] Okay, now I have a kind of, this is a nosy question, but I'm just going to ask it.

[1056] Because what I do think would be really fun, I love that all of you guys, well, not all of you guys, but many of you guys negotiated together.

[1057] So you all are getting the same raises at the same time.

[1058] So often, when someone gets a promotion or a raise, you can't really share it with anyone.

[1059] You can't go and brag to your assistant or the guy in the copy room, whatever.

[1060] But to be able to share it with two other people, like, oh my God, you could actually, I don't know, I'm assuming it's one of these rare situations where you guys could enjoy it together.

[1061] Like, you could talk together about it.

[1062] Like, was not like that, though.

[1063] Oh, okay.

[1064] No, I said it just wasn't.

[1065] The thing is, is it was not exactly like that at all in any way, but yes.

[1066] But to your point, absolutely, but no way.

[1067] Yes, but no. But I do, honestly, the part that you got right was, so, so, so, the part that you got right is that it happened.

[1068] Yes.

[1069] So Johnny and I became very close, and we were part of it.

[1070] and this whole thing from the beginning.

[1071] So him and I did share that.

[1072] Okay, great.

[1073] We shared the celebrations.

[1074] We were the ones like, can you fucking believe?

[1075] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1076] We did that together.

[1077] Where are you going to buy a house?

[1078] I'm thinking about, fuck, I could go anywhere.

[1079] I remember after the first negotiation, I was with Johnny and we walked outside and we were, you know, because all of our, we have a lot of the same people on our team.

[1080] So we would get all our teams together and have these big, ridiculous meetings where we'd be talking about this.

[1081] And Johnny and I would sit there like, Business people.

[1082] Yeah, very serious.

[1083] And then we'd walk outside and it was like, and then we were just like, what?

[1084] What's that time 24 times six years?

[1085] Minus 50 % of taxes, minus 10%.

[1086] But that's still good?

[1087] No, we did.

[1088] And we would cry and we would have these long late night conversations or we would just be bawling because I knew and he knew in that moment this would never happen again.

[1089] Yeah, yeah.

[1090] It won't.

[1091] And it was unbelievable to experiment.

[1092] But him and I did that.

[1093] Oh, that's great.

[1094] I like that.

[1095] Because you guys dated.

[1096] You dated for a minute on that show?

[1097] We did.

[1098] So we dated really early on for almost two years.

[1099] It was very early on in the show.

[1100] I remember when we did the pilot, I was just crushing so hard on Glecki.

[1101] And he had a girlfriend.

[1102] I was like, I was obsessed.

[1103] And then the first few episodes, we, you know, obviously, we would.

[1104] would talk and hang out.

[1105] And as things went on, finally we got drinks one night.

[1106] I had such a crush on him.

[1107] And I didn't think that he felt that way about me. Because you didn't have a mirror.

[1108] Because you didn't own a mirror?

[1109] It was a logistical problem.

[1110] She didn't have a mirror.

[1111] As it turned out, I realized I don't own a mirror.

[1112] This was a long time ago.

[1113] We have things now we didn't have back then.

[1114] It was before the raise.

[1115] I didn't have any.

[1116] It was before the mirror.

[1117] But anyway, we got together and just fell mad for each other.

[1118] about two years, but then we broke up.

[1119] Luckily, Johnny and I came out of it so brilliantly.

[1120] We're closer today than we ever were, but I just remember Chuck, Lori, the genius behind our show.

[1121] He's the best.

[1122] He's loyal as ever, too.

[1123] He's really special.

[1124] But I remember when we broke up, you know, obviously, he was a little sensitive for a minute.

[1125] But I remember those weeks that Chuck had written these episodes where all of a sudden our characters were like sleeping together every other second.

[1126] And Johnny and I would talk, I'm like, I think, no, but I think he did.

[1127] that on purpose.

[1128] I still believe he might have, yeah.

[1129] To get you back together or just to fuck with you?

[1130] No, just to just to fuck with us.

[1131] Okay, the latter.

[1132] The latter.

[1133] It's the latter.

[1134] It just, which makes me love him even more.

[1135] But in fact, if I was with him, I would probably ask him, because that came out of nowhere.

[1136] All of a sudden, these characters were like all up in each other, you know, out of nowhere.

[1137] But Johnny and I came out of it better than before.

[1138] It would be a very interesting situation to be dating someone because in my mind, here's where it goes.

[1139] So let's say I was on a sitcom and I started dating one of the actors on the show.

[1140] The first few months we were together, we'd probably be like sneaking into each other's room and we're making out and maybe we're hooking up and stuff.

[1141] And then, and then like a year goes by and then you're like, oh, I guess we haven't been each other's room.

[1142] The writing would be so clear because you would have all these memories in the exact same silly dressing rooms.

[1143] That's really funny.

[1144] Johnny used to say that.

[1145] He used to go, yeah, so how funny was Simon today?

[1146] Like, we would talk about what happened on set and we would make fun of ourselves because You're right, there was nothing to tell each other anymore.

[1147] Like, we'd get there together.

[1148] We'd leave together.

[1149] Like, it was just kind of like too much.

[1150] Yeah, yeah.

[1151] And it's different on a sitcom because you really are, you know, on a one hour, as you know, you don't see everyone every day.

[1152] That's different.

[1153] Right.

[1154] You know, you rehearse all week.

[1155] Every day.

[1156] So that was, we definitely, we were just kind of like, I got nothing else to tell you.

[1157] I think this is done.

[1158] And now, Carl awaits.

[1159] I hear the faint pitter -patter of foot hooves.

[1160] horse hooves what is that what is that John oh my god that's my future college you know I could do a horse thing that was pretty good fully I have to say that was pretty good thank you that was really good okay now I want to talk about your new show because I'm actually pissed I can't watch it immediately I watched the trailer twice I'm not blowing smoke up your ass I generally don't do that on the show I'll just say you've got a show I won't act like I like you've got a show Hey, I heard you got a show.

[1161] Anyways, tell me about your love life and Carl.

[1162] Cool.

[1163] How much money do you have?

[1164] All right, peace.

[1165] Wow, that really is pretty much how it goes.

[1166] Check out your show.

[1167] It comes out November 12, 2018 at Kmart.

[1168] That's not the right stuff?

[1169] Oh.

[1170] What was the, I got the date wrong?

[1171] No, they don't show things at Kmart.

[1172] Oh.

[1173] Okay, so you are a producer.

[1174] You have a deal at Warner Brothers, and you optioned a book called The Flight Attendant, and I presume you read that book at some point?

[1175] Well, yeah.

[1176] So three years ago, I found the book.

[1177] And I actually, when I called my, I guess I called my attorney at the time and said, I want to get the rights to this book.

[1178] He was like, great.

[1179] So you've read it.

[1180] And I was like, yeah, yeah.

[1181] I had not, I did not read it at that time.

[1182] Good for you.

[1183] Okay.

[1184] Great.

[1185] So I had a bunch of people like in your circle loved it and told you about it.

[1186] Or why?

[1187] No. No one had heard about it.

[1188] No one hadn't even been released yet.

[1189] I just lied because I saw the one line of what the book was.

[1190] And there was a picture.

[1191] We didn't look like.

[1192] me, but the way she was, it was really bizarre, and I got this chill.

[1193] I know this sounds just so corny.

[1194] And I said, oh, my God, this is going to be a great show.

[1195] Really?

[1196] I just, yes.

[1197] And then when they started, because I knew the deal was going to take a long time.

[1198] So I'm like, just get, I don't want them to wait for me to read this.

[1199] Just get moving.

[1200] Yeah, yeah.

[1201] Luckily, I read it and luckily I loved it.

[1202] Yeah, that worked out.

[1203] That would have been really embarrassing.

[1204] By the way, I don't like the book.

[1205] But it was great.

[1206] And I really simply thought this would make a good show.

[1207] Okay, so the trailer is spectacular.

[1208] People should watch the trailer.

[1209] It's called the flight attendant, and it's on HBO Max.

[1210] So watch the trailer.

[1211] What I love about it is, so it starts with you.

[1212] You look kind of haggard.

[1213] I'm going to be honest.

[1214] Not like you personally, but I think the character, you look a little rung out, and you're the flight attendant on an international flight.

[1215] You meet this fucking sexy -ass Carl type and equestrian type.

[1216] Is it a biopic?

[1217] It's basically based on my life.

[1218] Yeah.

[1219] And you got, this guy is charming, and you're charming back.

[1220] I see it right in the trailer.

[1221] You guys have like a meat cute and you give him a look.

[1222] A meat cute, yeah.

[1223] Yeah.

[1224] You give him a look and everyone knows it's party time.

[1225] So then you guys go out on the town in Bangkok?

[1226] Yes.

[1227] Yeah.

[1228] And it is a sexy night out.

[1229] It's a sexy night out.

[1230] The guy's clearly rich.

[1231] He's got, he's a man of means somehow.

[1232] Yes, he is.

[1233] He's a man of means.

[1234] And you wake up in bed next to him And it is a gorgeous room We had an unbelievable production designer It really was beautiful I'm glad you mentioned that Because I'm always telling her What an amazing job she did With the visuals of this I wanted to wake up next to a dead person The second I saw that Because it was so nice Exactly It'd be like worth it to wake up next to a dead person Spoiler, he's dead No no no no it's in the trailer It's in the trailer It's in the trailer Yeah But thank you Monica for being on top of that.

[1235] You really were.

[1236] Okay.

[1237] Yes, that's it.

[1238] That's the story.

[1239] What would happen?

[1240] Let me just say in order.

[1241] She gets up in this very sexy environment.

[1242] It's a great place to come to.

[1243] And she glances at her hand and there's fucking blood on her hand.

[1244] God knows what goes through your mind at that point.

[1245] Why do I have blood on my hand?

[1246] She takes a peak starboard side, right?

[1247] And my man's got a lot of blood all over him and he is deceased.

[1248] Okay.

[1249] Now, now, listen, if, It has a really cool tone.

[1250] I can tell from the trailer.

[1251] It's like a bit, it's a bit funny, but it's also very stylized, and you can tell the stakes are real.

[1252] It felt very fleabaggy, like, but espionagey and CIA.

[1253] A little catch me if you can.

[1254] Thank you.

[1255] Those are great little comps.

[1256] So, yeah, in a nutshell, this happens, and for whatever reason, you decide I'm not going to call the police.

[1257] Yeah.

[1258] It's very stylized.

[1259] It's very, very specific.

[1260] If I could tell you how many conversations that was had about.

[1261] tone over the past two years that was, I mean, the tone, the tone, the tone.

[1262] Because you're right, it's a little, it's obviously written in my voice, so it's got some fun and laughter and quirkiness, but it's a serious thing has happened.

[1263] And she's got a major problem with alcohol and she's like hiding all this stuff from her childhood.

[1264] She's had a bunch of trauma.

[1265] So it's funny.

[1266] So I watch a bunch of date line.

[1267] I don't know if that's something you guys are into, but we interviewed Keith Morrison.

[1268] I'm obsessed with Keith.

[1269] Keith.

[1270] Oh, love.

[1271] What a fox.

[1272] What a fox.

[1273] Yeah.

[1274] So my point is because I've seen so many date lines and obviously you guys have too where someone really does make such a bad terrible choice right they see something they don't go to the cops or they run or the shock is like why didn't you call someone you fucking idiot you didn't do that like so the only reason I believe that this is something that could happen was because I'm like actually people you know they panic and they don't know what to do they fall on panic oh because a couple things a everyone acts like they know how people are supposed to or would act in insane situations It's always pisses me off.

[1275] And it's part of why on Dateline so many innocent people end up getting put through the ringer because they didn't respond, like, didn't look like his wife died to me. And it's like, based on what?

[1276] Did your wife die and you reacted a certain way?

[1277] Like, what does that mean?

[1278] How does someone react to their wife being killed?

[1279] Probably up 300 billion different ways.

[1280] I'm really one of those judgy watchers of Dateline.

[1281] I don't see tears immediately.

[1282] I'm immediately like done.

[1283] Carl, back to Carl, I'm always trying to, like, immediately, I'm like, that's it, he did it, and it's been two minutes into date line.

[1284] He's like, what, stop?

[1285] I don't cry.

[1286] I've lost people I loved.

[1287] It didn't make me cry.

[1288] It doesn't mean I wasn't processing it, but that's not my reaction to start crying.

[1289] I'm likely it will make a joke on the 911 call, because that's how I deal with feeling uncomfortable as I make a joke.

[1290] I would probably call it me like, knock knock, guess who's deceased?

[1291] My wife in the other room.

[1292] There was, bringing this full circle, I'm going in a million directions, but we are watching, obviously, comedians and cars.

[1293] And it was one of the episodes, it was a female comedian, I can't think.

[1294] But he thinks every wife says, what would you do if I died?

[1295] Would you cry?

[1296] He says, every wife asked that.

[1297] And I've asked Carl that so many times, he's like, I would live a very happy life.

[1298] Like, he was like, it would be fine.

[1299] I'm like, no, you will be devastated for the rest of your days.

[1300] And you will not move on.

[1301] And that's it.

[1302] I will honor you.

[1303] I will honor you by having a wonderful.

[1304] time with with your money too by the way totally by the way he's been waiting he's waiting let me tell you well yeah you and christen both have to just keep that in the back of your mind you know we have a lot to gain we have a lot to gain a lot of incentive motive would not be hard to find in this case oh my god stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare i don't even remember what we were talking about it went to date line and the Jerry Seinfeld, I've lost my mind.

[1305] Your show.

[1306] Tone.

[1307] Tone.

[1308] The tone, yes, the tone.

[1309] Yes.

[1310] Oh, insane.

[1311] I believe that she, yes.

[1312] We don't know how people would react exactly.

[1313] It's super fun.

[1314] It's very quick.

[1315] I don't like things that take a while.

[1316] I want an answer in every episode.

[1317] So it moves.

[1318] Okay.

[1319] I'm proud of it.

[1320] It's been three years and I've been there from the beginning.

[1321] I mean, the doors that got slammed in our faces.

[1322] It wasn't just like, here you go.

[1323] You got this show.

[1324] The direct opposite of that, you know?

[1325] It's not easy anymore.

[1326] It's just not.

[1327] Anytime anyone asked me now, like, there's a new show and they say, hey, did you watch that show?

[1328] What'd you think?

[1329] My answer now is like, hey, they made a show.

[1330] They made a show.

[1331] I am so amazed.

[1332] I almost will never say something negative about something.

[1333] Like, you'll just know what I like because I'll tell you what I love, but I just won't talk about stuff I dislike because I know how fucking hard it is.

[1334] Yes, you and I know that it is not easy.

[1335] I totally agree with you.

[1336] I used to be way judgier in my younger days before I knew the real truth of how hard this shit was.

[1337] and be like, ugh, I hate that show and that this.

[1338] And I can't do it anymore because it is so hard.

[1339] Okay, so there's conflicting info that came across our transom.

[1340] Does it come out on November 22nd?

[1341] November 26th, Thanksgiving Day.

[1342] Oh, easy to remember.

[1343] Exactly.

[1344] That's what I like.

[1345] Thanksgiving Day, we're going to drop the first three episodes.

[1346] Then you got two more the following week, two more, and then the finale.

[1347] So basically all December will be dropping the rest of the episode.

[1348] Oh, God, guys, it's going to take you from Thanksgiving.

[1349] from your Thanksgiving stupers straight into opening presents on Christmas Day.

[1350] Wow.

[1351] It's perfect.

[1352] It's a celebration of all the holidays.

[1353] Wow, wow, wow.

[1354] Oh, I have one last question.

[1355] Okay.

[1356] The only thing I'm bummed about Carl being an equestrian.

[1357] I love that it's all about Carl.

[1358] We have to end on Carl.

[1359] Oh, no, that would only be appropriate at this time.

[1360] Yeah, soup to nuts, Carl.

[1361] Now, the only bummer for you with Carl is one of the funnest things about being married to Kristen, is that we know the silly vernacular so much.

[1362] And so Kristen and I have so much fun watching TV and movies together because we know so much shit, right?

[1363] And it makes watching it so much fun.

[1364] I'm trying to remember what show we've been watching where they, oh, it's Handmaids.

[1365] They got a fucking 10K blasting in every scene.

[1366] So every scene, Kristen's like, where's Mike?

[1367] I don't see the 10K in that window.

[1368] I've seen you guys post about this before.

[1369] It really makes me laugh.

[1370] Yeah.

[1371] But I just feel a little sad that, you know, maybe Carl doesn't have that base knowledge of how the sausage is made so you don't get to have as much fun watching shit.

[1372] Like, even when you're watching Dateline, right, and you know that they ask them to walk down the hallway.

[1373] Yes, it drives me nuts.

[1374] We know that this person who's not an actor was asked to walk from their office to the copy machine for this reenactment.

[1375] And it's almost impossible to do if you're not an actor.

[1376] They feel so uncomfortable doing it.

[1377] Yes.

[1378] And it's so pleasurable to watch just because you know.

[1379] Also, when you find like the mismatches and stuff, like that sort of a thing.

[1380] Oh, sure.

[1381] That makes me the craziest.

[1382] Well, and by the way, if you're good at it, you know, you can predict it.

[1383] So you'll see someone talking on their side and they've got chopsticks and some other fucking thing.

[1384] There you got too much prop work going.

[1385] And you know on the reverse, that shit's going to be nowhere in sight.

[1386] So someone only doesn't predict it, you know?

[1387] It makes me crazy.

[1388] There's scenes where I see.

[1389] where you got camera behind me, right?

[1390] And you got your hair behind your ear.

[1391] And then they come back around and the hairs that I...

[1392] Continuity.

[1393] The continuity.

[1394] You're the continuity police.

[1395] I am.

[1396] I am the most annoying, too.

[1397] I'll be like, hey, any of the actors in my scene, I'm like, hey, you were holding the glass with your pinky.

[1398] Was it?

[1399] Like, I make people crazy because I don't like that.

[1400] It does make you think about how you're going to do scenes.

[1401] Like, am I going to sit like this?

[1402] Do I have to sit like this for nine more hours?

[1403] Like, be careful about that, right?

[1404] Yes.

[1405] Well, okay.

[1406] Do you know Rob McElheny?

[1407] He created It's Always Sunny, and he's on it with his two buddies.

[1408] Yes.

[1409] He's one of our favorite human beings.

[1410] He's one of my good friends.

[1411] He also directed Mythic Quest on Apple.

[1412] Plus, he directed one of the episodes, and I watched it.

[1413] And so I said to him, I knew that you gave this project, you're all, based on a single moment in this episode.

[1414] What do you think it is?

[1415] And he immediately goes, when I threw everything off my desk.

[1416] And I was like, exactly.

[1417] Exactly, because we know the reset of that is going to be 40 fucking minutes.

[1418] If you make that choice as an actor, you're looking at a 40 -minute reset of all those props.

[1419] And so, man, you really care about it if you're willing to sit there, take after take for a 40 -minute reset.

[1420] And it was just so funny that he knew immediately.

[1421] No, that is funny.

[1422] He knew what you were talking about.

[1423] There's an episode, flight attendant, where we do this whole thing at a funeral.

[1424] But anyway, there's a scene where I'm supposed to trip, and there's a guy behind me with a big tray of.

[1425] of like finger sandwiches, right?

[1426] Oh, yeah.

[1427] I'm supposed to knock into him and the tray goes like in front of a very quiet place goes flying.

[1428] Yeah.

[1429] So, and I kept thinking and I, no one really talked to me. We talked about like the stunt, how I would do it.

[1430] I'm like, how are they going to clean this?

[1431] Like, what?

[1432] There was 400, I mean, so many sandwiches.

[1433] And I was afraid to ask.

[1434] I'm like, I feel someone's going to be like, Kaylee, this is, we are going to do this.

[1435] So I'm like, maybe we're just going to do it one time.

[1436] I'm just going to nail it.

[1437] So I go, I swear.

[1438] This is like the, I'm so should have asked this question.

[1439] I'm like, I got to nail it because we only got one shot at this.

[1440] Like, they can't clean all these sandwiches up.

[1441] We don't have time.

[1442] So I knocked the sandwiches out.

[1443] They go flying.

[1444] It's really funny.

[1445] And they're like, okay, let's clean up.

[1446] We're going to go again.

[1447] I'm like, how are they going to?

[1448] And I looked down.

[1449] And in two seconds, they had taken the floor and made the flooring into like.

[1450] A burrito.

[1451] Yes.

[1452] It was like a plastic thing.

[1453] It was like plastic.

[1454] So they scoop it up in this trash bag that looked like the, flooring and wiped it all the way.

[1455] Someone had thought of it.

[1456] I was so amazed by this.

[1457] I couldn't get past it.

[1458] I thought it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen.

[1459] This really wraps nicely back to what we were talking about, whether we are Dan Lewis or not, because all I'm thinking about, like, are we going to get these sandwiches cleaned up in under 45 minutes?

[1460] Yes, exactly.

[1461] Because we were going to do four takes of this.

[1462] You know, we're talking about three hours now for these sandwiches.

[1463] We need a game plan in place.

[1464] Sometimes when I'm out there, I take on everyone else's job.

[1465] like they don't know.

[1466] So I'm thinking, has anyone thought how we're going to clean these sandwiches up?

[1467] And I'm so concerned that the 300 people that we have working here that no one's discussed how we're going to do this.

[1468] Well, but sometimes they don't.

[1469] Sometimes they don't.

[1470] And you've been in that situation where you're waiting two hours to wait for sandwiches.

[1471] And then I'm like, why didn't I say something?

[1472] Yeah.

[1473] That's the thing is it happens all the time.

[1474] You realize there's this weird inflection point where two departments overlap in both a suit.

[1475] the other one was going to handle this.

[1476] That is true, but they don't want the actor telling them how.

[1477] No, no, no. They want you to know your lines and be good.

[1478] What if between takes you went over and you said the director, yeah, just have a question about the scene.

[1479] So my character knocks over those sandwiches.

[1480] And so who's cleaning them up?

[1481] Yeah.

[1482] Like he thinks for sure you're going to, or she thinks for sure you're going to say, like, why is my character klutzy?

[1483] Is this been established?

[1484] There's a one -off where I lost my balance, Am I?

[1485] Vertigo.

[1486] Like, what's the...

[1487] Where am I emotionally in the series?

[1488] No, I'm concerned about who is cleaning up these sandwiches, how fast, because I want to get to lunch, and I don't want to be worried about this during the scene.

[1489] Did someone bring extra trash cans for the organic matter?

[1490] Like, you just want to know there's a plan in place.

[1491] That's hilarious.

[1492] Well, Kaylee, not to be confused with Monica's best friend, Callie.

[1493] But you did it.

[1494] Congrats.

[1495] You guys, my face hurts from laughing.

[1496] Kaylee, the cook, who's married to Carl, the cook.

[1497] Really quick, you have seven dogs.

[1498] How did this guy hit the lottery?

[1499] He's so lucky, I know.

[1500] He hit the lottery.

[1501] I just decided to travel with him.

[1502] I've always wanted a dog to travel with.

[1503] None of my dogs travel.

[1504] A lot of them are older.

[1505] And then they're all rescues with very unstable emotionally.

[1506] And then my husband is attached to two of them.

[1507] So he always takes two with him.

[1508] So we always have to barter, like, who, to, but I rescued Dumpy actually during quarantine.

[1509] I've only had him for like eight months.

[1510] Uh -huh.

[1511] And I wanted a senior little dog.

[1512] Oh, God.

[1513] You and my wife are like probably outbidding each other for the one -eyed, three -legged, uh, half, two -chambered heart, diabetic.

[1514] Oh, my God.

[1515] The worst life, worst situation.

[1516] I need the worst backstory.

[1517] I want it all.

[1518] And I want the before photos.

[1519] I want the, no, it's just bad.

[1520] And I spend all night.

[1521] online for this and Carol is like you are and I'll just cry and it's really oh my god you guys should maybe have a little support group we for crazy people yeah yeah this is what you need to do like Kristen found this to be a really good technique to prevent herself from ordering everything she sees on the internet which and it's a brilliant idea for her she just put stuff in bags right she just never in her car you mean yes she feels she's got like I'm in, yeah.

[1522] Okay, she's got thousands of carts all over the internet filled with shit.

[1523] And then it's like maybe tomorrow I'll actually, like let's leave the cart today, see how I feel tomorrow.

[1524] So you guys need an app that you can put these dogs in the cart so that Carl and I don't have to trip over these blind dogs who shit all over the house.

[1525] We don't have fucking carpet in the house because the dog shits everywhere.

[1526] So the whole house is echoey.

[1527] I step in poop, I don't know, twice a morning getting my coffee.

[1528] Yeah, I know.

[1529] Let's pop them in the cart and then, you know, maybe we'll revisit it.

[1530] There's literally barf all over the floor right now.

[1531] So this is exactly perfect, what you just said, perfect.

[1532] All right, well, what a pleasure talking to you.

[1533] You guys were held so much fun.

[1534] And hopefully I bring Carl next time.

[1535] Oh, wait, can my assistant come take a selfie with you guys?

[1536] God, yes.

[1537] Emma.

[1538] Yes, yes, yes.

[1539] Emma, come here.

[1540] Should we take a picture?

[1541] Yeah.

[1542] We're going to take a picture, ready?

[1543] Yes.

[1544] Thank you.

[1545] I told you she's the only time she's ever done this.

[1546] Emma, how long have you been assisting the cook?

[1547] Two and a half years.

[1548] Okay, great.

[1549] Have you ever been asked to come help with one of her dog crises?

[1550] Oh, my God.

[1551] Okay, uh -huh.

[1552] 90 % of your job.

[1553] All the time.

[1554] Oh, all the.

[1555] And her rabbit crises.

[1556] Oh, yeah.

[1557] She's had to deal with the rabbits.

[1558] And her goat crises.

[1559] Oh, and you had to deal with the goat that one time, too.

[1560] Yeah, she's had to do a lot of weird things.

[1561] You're a veritable veterinarian.

[1562] Now, also, do you find, because I want to see how similar these two are, Kristen and Kaylee.

[1563] Are she nude around everyone?

[1564] Yes.

[1565] Yes, I am.

[1566] I think it was like my very first day with her.

[1567] I was like, full nude.

[1568] This is where we're at.

[1569] You don't know me. That is an actress thing.

[1570] We're used to changing in front, I think.

[1571] We're used to changing and doing wardrobe fittings and that, I think, is what it is.

[1572] Okay.

[1573] But will Kristen do, like, you know, door open peeing?

[1574] Oh, she, uh, exclusively.

[1575] She doesn't know why we have a door on the bathroom.

[1576] She's confused by it.

[1577] Well, we don't, by the way, we don't have a door on our bathroom.

[1578] I'm like, what is this?

[1579] That's true.

[1580] We can't really talk.

[1581] But Monica, Monica's many times explained, like, the going from, like, she was just babysitting the kids for a little while, and then we figured out.

[1582] Monica was a brilliant writer, so then she started writing stuff for Kristen.

[1583] And then all of a sudden, she took over Kristen's life.

[1584] And then on that day, Kristen's just bare naked in front of her.

[1585] Like, welcome to this job.

[1586] That's the welcome.

[1587] Yeah.

[1588] That means true love right there, though.

[1589] I think even before, yeah.

[1590] The interview was nude.

[1591] The interview.

[1592] Not because, because I think that with an assistant, what you look for an assistant is to really trust their confidentiality.

[1593] And you wouldn't do that with somebody who you felt a little sketched out by.

[1594] Do you have an NDA?

[1595] Oh, yeah.

[1596] I don't have one.

[1597] Monica has one and she keeps acting like she didn't sign one, but she did.

[1598] Oh, you signed one.

[1599] It's missing and I'm going to expose everything.

[1600] Don't know where that thing went.

[1601] Don't know where that thing went.

[1602] Unfortunately, for him, I can pay out the NDA now.

[1603] Yeah, that's true.

[1604] When she signed it, it meant a lot and now she could give a shit.

[1605] Not anymore.

[1606] That is awesome.

[1607] Also, though, simultaneously to that happening, Monica, is now you're fucked.

[1608] is if you take me down.

[1609] I know.

[1610] I'm going down with the ship.

[1611] You're going down with the ship.

[1612] That's exactly right.

[1613] It's exactly right.

[1614] You get it.

[1615] You get it.

[1616] A lot of ways to skin this cat.

[1617] Speaking of spooky Halloween.

[1618] Spooky.

[1619] It all ding, ding, ding, ding.

[1620] All right.

[1621] Well, again, what a fun time.

[1622] That was really fun.

[1623] You guys are awesome.

[1624] Thanks for talking about Carl.

[1625] Yeah.

[1626] We got to get Carl on the show next.

[1627] When we can have him on as an expert in equestrian?

[1628] You'll look at each other because I'm, does he not look like Carl ready?

[1629] now the hair i'm telling you with the top knot you're gonna die he's got long hair right now it's very cute poor car no it's very i'm sorry car you guys are adorable welcome to zach braffinize club all right for real this time have fun up there thank you monica thank you too thank you that was a blast you guys thank you so much all right take care and now my favorite part of the show the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1630] I want to say one thing, we don't know the results of the election quite yet, but I got to say one thing that made me kind of sad for Joe Biden was have you seen this viral clip of Obama sinking like a three -pointer?

[1631] I love it.

[1632] Oh, of course.

[1633] Who doesn't?

[1634] Oh, my God.

[1635] He's such a stud.

[1636] He just slides that fucker through the hole, nothing but net.

[1637] And then he said, what does he say?

[1638] That's how I do or something.

[1639] Something cool.

[1640] God, I love him.

[1641] Yeah.

[1642] And then, you notice poor Joe's walking like 20 feet behind.

[1643] No. Yes.

[1644] I'm like, oh, my God.

[1645] You're putting that.

[1646] This poor guy, he's out there campaigning.

[1647] And then this slick motherfucker just hoists up a three and sinks it.

[1648] They're both campaigning.

[1649] He's campaigning for him.

[1650] I know.

[1651] But he must have thought, yeah, that's the star right there.

[1652] Look at him.

[1653] He even sinks three pointers.

[1654] And then he bookends it with a cool saying.

[1655] He makes it look.

[1656] so casual.

[1657] Yeah, Joe, like Joe, God bless Joe.

[1658] I like Joe.

[1659] He does fancy himself like cool Joe.

[1660] Yeah, he wears awesome sunglasses and eats ice cream.

[1661] Right.

[1662] So he thinks he's cool Joe.

[1663] But then someone with real cool swag walks in, and I'm just like, don't do that while he's standing there.

[1664] Just do that on your own.

[1665] You're totally misreading it.

[1666] He supports his friend.

[1667] They support each other in such a great way.

[1668] Didn't you hear like, so yeah, he does.

[1669] walked behind and he says, whoa, nothing but next.

[1670] Oh, boy, that's a bummer.

[1671] Yeah, that's the most generic thing you can say.

[1672] This is what the equivalent is.

[1673] I'm going to tell you, it's your wedding day.

[1674] It's your wedding day.

[1675] It's Joe's wedding day.

[1676] He's running for president.

[1677] Today is.

[1678] Well, on the campaign trail.

[1679] It's his wedding day, right?

[1680] It's the upcoming wedding.

[1681] It's your wedding day.

[1682] And then in walks, I don't know, pick your, who is it?

[1683] Who's the hottest female you think to ever live?

[1684] What's her name from Breakfast at Tiffany's?

[1685] Oh, Audrey Hepburn.

[1686] Audrey Hepburn.

[1687] Audrey Hartburn.

[1688] Audrey Hartburn.

[1689] Artery Hartburn.

[1690] She comes in and gives the best woman speech, bridesmaid speech.

[1691] Okay.

[1692] And her dress falls off.

[1693] And then her beautiful titties are out.

[1694] Then I'll take off my shirt.

[1695] Try to compete with that, Oge.

[1696] Okay, I made a terrible example.

[1697] She's in the outfit.

[1698] from breakfast at Tiffany's.

[1699] Okay.

[1700] And all of a sudden, you realize, like, her dress is so much prettier than mine.

[1701] And then she gives a Nobel Prize winning speech.

[1702] And then you're just like, well, fuck, maybe you shouldn't marry my husband.

[1703] That's what Obama did to Joe Biden by sinking that three -pointer.

[1704] No, no, no. He should have just been like, you know what, now's not the time for me to drain this, the three -pointer.

[1705] I disagree.

[1706] Okay.

[1707] Because, first of all, it is a kind of good analogy.

[1708] Okay.

[1709] Because I would be picking her as my maid of honor.

[1710] Right.

[1711] It's like Joe picked Barack to be on the campaign trail with him because they're best buddies.

[1712] Yes, they are best buddies.

[1713] You really think they are best buddies?

[1714] Yeah, it's well known.

[1715] Okay.

[1716] It is, it is.

[1717] Like, I guess what I'm asking is, how much time are they spending?

[1718] Rob is here and his shirt is a picture of the two of them as best buddies.

[1719] That's exactly what made me think of this is I just felt a little bit bad for Joe that on his big day, Barack was such a stuff.

[1720] You can see what I'm saying I do see what you're saying But I do think you're putting it Through your filter And I don't I think Joe Is really not caring about that Oh my gosh I almost took me out Wobby Wob Just drained a three On Monica's face With the microphone You know anyway You know I was Audrey Hepburn For Halloween once Last weekend?

[1721] No You were Audrey Hepburn as a spider in a spider web?

[1722] Audrey Hartburn in college.

[1723] And I'll tell you that dress is not that pretty.

[1724] And so whatever dress I would be wearing would be much better.

[1725] Yes, but in this scenario, you have to assume that the dress is way prettier than yours.

[1726] Because he looked so much cooler than Uncle Joe Biden.

[1727] That's not really fair about outfits and stuff because I think they were wearing similar outfits.

[1728] But also...

[1729] Okay.

[1730] Back up, back up, back up.

[1731] Yes, Obama is cooler than Joe, yes, yes.

[1732] I want you to give Obama a one out of ten for that move.

[1733] Oh, 10.

[1734] 10.

[1735] Now, I want you to give one out of ten Uncle Joe walking behind him with the mask on going, I have to cut that out.

[1736] Because you're making him sound senile.

[1737] No, I was, that was muffled from the mask.

[1738] That's what that was.

[1739] No, I have no opinion on his senality.

[1740] That's not what he said.

[1741] he said, whoa, nothing but net.

[1742] I love that.

[1743] That to me looked like a real friendship, like two real people.

[1744] Yeah.

[1745] I loved that.

[1746] Agreed.

[1747] But take Obama out of the equation.

[1748] You just see a man crossing to gym and he goes, whoa, nothing but net.

[1749] What do you give that out of 10 on the cool factor?

[1750] It's not something I would call cool, but I would.

[1751] Exactly.

[1752] But no, but why is everything in cool terms?

[1753] Because it's his big day.

[1754] And this guy walks in and he like upstages him so bad with that sweet three -pointer.

[1755] Look, I don't think it's Brock's fault.

[1756] He can't help but be chill and cool.

[1757] That's how I do.

[1758] That's right.

[1759] That's how he do.

[1760] But what would you give the like watching a shot and comment out of 10 for just cool factor?

[1761] For saying nothing but that?

[1762] Yeah.

[1763] Because that's a supportive best friend.

[1764] And I thought that was so cute.

[1765] I thought his reaction, that part was important to the whole video.

[1766] Okay.

[1767] Let me try to reframe this.

[1768] There's a video of Joe Biden available on the internet, him and Jim going, wow, nothing but net.

[1769] Do you think that goes viral?

[1770] No. Okay.

[1771] But it's in context.

[1772] But then there's a photo of the president just kind of haphazardly catching a pass out of nowhere, immediately converts it to three points.

[1773] Yes, that's amazing.

[1774] That's viral.

[1775] I know.

[1776] So Biden didn't do anything that went viral on the campaign trail, but Barack did.

[1777] He got a lot of eyes on him over this campaign trail, okay?

[1778] I'm not worried.

[1779] All right.

[1780] I think he doesn't care, and that's why I love.

[1781] That's cool, not caring if your friend upstages you.

[1782] I can put it into better terms.

[1783] So I once was on Kimmel while promoting chips, and I wrote a motorcycle down a staircase and out onto the stage.

[1784] This was my big moment.

[1785] What if Travis Pistrana just happened to stop by to say hi to me?

[1786] And he jumped over the stage and did a flip and then landed.

[1787] You'd be like, oh, poor Dax.

[1788] That's a bummer.

[1789] What inconvenient timing that Pistrana happened to show up.

[1790] Okay.

[1791] I don't know if that's a direct.

[1792] You've tried like six or seven analogies at this point.

[1793] So the Audrey Hepburn one, going back to that, the thing is I wouldn't say, oh, maybe she should just marry my husband.

[1794] because in this scenario, if we're making it analogous, she would be married already.

[1795] Why?

[1796] Because Obama was already president and he can't be president again.

[1797] So it's not like we're saying like, oh, shit, it should be him.

[1798] He is maybe going like, but they want him to be president, really.

[1799] Well, of course we all do.

[1800] Okay, that's kind of my point.

[1801] Even he does, I bet.

[1802] I don't think he's doing this as a generous act for the country.

[1803] He is, I don't think he's.

[1804] You think if he had the.

[1805] legal right to just hand the election straight to Barack, he would give it back to him?

[1806] Yeah.

[1807] Oh, wow.

[1808] As long as he could still be around and hang out and help.

[1809] I mean, he helped.

[1810] He is the reason we have gay marriage.

[1811] He convinced Obama on that.

[1812] Well, Ted Olson's the reason we have gay marriage.

[1813] Because he defeated it in the Supreme Court, I guess.

[1814] But he was instrumental in Obama's.

[1815] Oh, him changing his mind.

[1816] I think we said all there is to say about Obama.

[1817] Audrey, Obama.

[1818] Yeah, we agree to disagree.

[1819] I would just hate to be doing a wheelie in front of a crowd because that's my big stunt.

[1820] And then Pastron does a backflip over my head.

[1821] I regret even trying to do this wheelie.

[1822] Okay, no, no, no. But also one other thing.

[1823] They were just in, I don't know what they were doing in that basketball court.

[1824] I think they got hungry.

[1825] They were eating in the cafeteria.

[1826] Right.

[1827] So it wasn't.

[1828] I don't know.

[1829] I don't know what was happening.

[1830] But they weren't there to play basketball.

[1831] It would be one thing if...

[1832] They were there to get Joe attention.

[1833] But no, listen, if Joe was playing basketball, okay, and then Obama just ran on by and...

[1834] Storba ball.

[1835] Yes.

[1836] And then slammed it.

[1837] That would be bad.

[1838] That would be embarrassing.

[1839] Or what if Joe was defending him?

[1840] They were playing one -on -one, and Barack dunked on him.

[1841] Yeah, see, that would be bad.

[1842] And I would be mad at Obama for doing that.

[1843] But this wasn't bad.

[1844] training would take over and he'd probably dunk on cool joe i think joe is so cool i love his sunglasses in it and i love his ice cream and you know what he's not trying to be cool but you know who he's like owning himself you know who jo cool is though is snoopy snoopy's joe cool what's that mean snoopy you know from the peanuts yeah he's the originator of joe cool oh that's why yes with the sunglasses oh that's so cute oh my god i love that Joe is not trying to be Obama.

[1845] He's like owning him.

[1846] That would be a big mistake.

[1847] Well, no, just they're very different men.

[1848] Yeah, they're best friends.

[1849] He can't try.

[1850] That would be cultural appropriation if he tried to be Obama.

[1851] Oh, you're right.

[1852] Okay, okay.

[1853] Just be careful here.

[1854] We're in very dangerous territory.

[1855] Oh, my God.

[1856] Oh, my God.

[1857] Anywho, we don't know the elections.

[1858] This could be really not funny or funny, depending on how people feel.

[1859] Better be funny.

[1860] Oh, oh, by the way, did you get your Delta Fawcett?

[1861] I know you were envious of mine in the bathroom because you can pull it out.

[1862] Yeah, and you couldn't stop talking and bragging about it, so I had to get my own.

[1863] What one did you get?

[1864] I got the Kaira pull -down faucet, pull -down just like you.

[1865] Pull -down just like you.

[1866] But mine is really gorgeous.

[1867] It's like feminine, unbroken lines, like just one kind of big, nice, beautiful piece.

[1868] Is if it's just like an unbroken stream of water?

[1869] It is.

[1870] And you know what?

[1871] I didn't know.

[1872] I don't know if you told me this last time, but it uses 20 % less water.

[1873] Well, in L .A., that's a big thing because the water bills are outrageous.

[1874] Yes, it's amazing.

[1875] My new house is filled with Delta, and I'm so excited.

[1876] Yeah, so did you get the kind of blackish, I guess, Onyx one?

[1877] Yeah, it's black.

[1878] Oh, that's so gangster.

[1879] It's really sexy.

[1880] It's just pretty.

[1881] The whole thing is like really gorgeous and efficient.

[1882] and high -tech.

[1883] Now, when I pull mine out, it's to get rid of beard hairs.

[1884] What do you anticipate?

[1885] Toothpaste.

[1886] Toothpaste.

[1887] Yeah, I'm always dealing with that stupid toothpaste that just sticks in the bowl.

[1888] I hate that.

[1889] What about eyebrow hairs?

[1890] Those end up in the basin, right?

[1891] Yeah, I don't want to.

[1892] Don't remind me. I don't want to ruin the illusion, but.

[1893] Well, that sounds awesome.

[1894] Welcome to the club.

[1895] Okay.

[1896] Cool, Joe.

[1897] truth be told we took a lunch break well motivated by you needed to look up some facts i did yeah i did i need to look up some facts but also we ate lunch yeah oh let me say this can i say this because i talk about meat so much on here and then i feel bags i know there's a lot of vegetarians i also know that it's not good for the environment so i just want to say sometimes i'll i'll come on here and wax poetically about a juicy rib eye we had right i'm really promoting it inadvertently True.

[1898] So I just want to say that last night, I got home, and I made a light -life veggie burger.

[1899] So good.

[1900] And I grilled onions with it.

[1901] Ugh.

[1902] Popped it on a plate.

[1903] No bun.

[1904] And then avocado on top, ketchup and mustard.

[1905] And it was a 10 in every way.

[1906] I wish I had made three more.

[1907] I was about to say that's not enough.

[1908] One.

[1909] God, was it good.

[1910] And then to get gross, my stool this morning, so soft and nice.

[1911] Came out so easy?

[1912] Yeah.

[1913] It was not slowed down.

[1914] by any animal products.

[1915] Can you tell me about the grilled onions?

[1916] Yeah.

[1917] So I took a yellow onion and then I made some very fine slices down.

[1918] All right?

[1919] Really thin.

[1920] You know I like to do onions, very thin.

[1921] Yeah.

[1922] I got to say that you're responsible for this grilled onion things because you encouraged me to get animal -style fries it in and out.

[1923] God, they are so good.

[1924] I did that for the first time, I guess, five months ago.

[1925] And I've, I don't know, I've had them six times since.

[1926] I just love them.

[1927] And there's grilled onions on them, and they're so tasty.

[1928] They are.

[1929] That's what gave me the idea last night.

[1930] That's the first time I ever grilled up onions.

[1931] So I've done some paper thin slices of the side of an onion.

[1932] Easier said than done.

[1933] Cutting an onion's hard.

[1934] Yeah, the thing is even if you start it thin, the wife, the knife wants to wander left or right and get thicker or thinner.

[1935] So it's really hard to keep it consistently thin.

[1936] So I had probably four nice thin slices, the whole onion.

[1937] I take it the outside part off that's got the skin.

[1938] Sure.

[1939] Once the burger's cooking, because it's got a nice amount of oil in it, I'd then toss him in there.

[1940] Oh.

[1941] And then I flip it over onto the onions.

[1942] Okay.

[1943] And so there's some weight on those onions.

[1944] And then I take the burger off and then I flip the onions themselves over.

[1945] And then I put the other side now on it grilling on top of the onions.

[1946] So the onion taste is getting into the burger.

[1947] Oh, my God.

[1948] And then the onions themselves got just beautifully caramelized.

[1949] And then I just took the spatula and put the whole thing on a plate.

[1950] That sounds so good.

[1951] It was incredible.

[1952] I have to say something I don't think you're going to like.

[1953] Okay.

[1954] I think caramelized onions and grilled onions are actually different things.

[1955] And I think grilled onions requires...

[1956] A grill?

[1957] I think.

[1958] I don't know that for certain.

[1959] Here's the thing.

[1960] They don't cook on a grill in and out.

[1961] They cook on a big flat sheet metal surface.

[1962] Oh, but I think that's a big grill.

[1963] Well, if you think of grills having grates, all a pan is is a, grill, heating up a sheet of metal, which is the same thing as what's happening in and out.

[1964] Now, char broiled.

[1965] Don't get confused.

[1966] That's what they're doing over at Burger King.

[1967] They're char broiling their burgers.

[1968] The whopper.

[1969] Yeah.

[1970] And they've got a grill with flame.

[1971] So it's flame broiled, it's char broiled, it's charred.

[1972] And there's no flame touching the burger at In and Out, nor was their flame touching my burger last night.

[1973] Well, that sounds tasty.

[1974] And I wish I could have that.

[1975] It was so delicious.

[1976] I really was thinking while I was eating it.

[1977] With the exception of when I make smash burgers, which is its own thing.

[1978] It's its own production.

[1979] You can't really make a burger better than that, the Light Life one I had last night.

[1980] It just doesn't taste.

[1981] It's really good.

[1982] It doesn't taste better unless you kill it.

[1983] Well, Emily's burger.

[1984] Well, of course, like the top five, but then below that, just the consistency of those burgers, they're always delicious.

[1985] Yeah.

[1986] This episode is supported by onions.

[1987] Onions, yes.

[1988] Would you like an onion?

[1989] Yeah, now that you grill them, I do expect you to offer me onions when I come in.

[1990] Well, start with a plate of caramelized, grilled onions.

[1991] What do you think happens in caramelizing?

[1992] You think I add sugar to the onions?

[1993] Yeah, you were saying grilled, and I just think what you're doing is sauteing onions, which is delicious.

[1994] Well, I also said caramelized ones.

[1995] I know, and I think caramelized does require some additive thing.

[1996] Let's ask your sister.

[1997] Let's call her.

[1998] Okay, let's get her on the phone.

[1999] Carly is the resident cook.

[2000] She's a chef.

[2001] She's legit the best cook chef I've ever tasted food up from.

[2002] She's the Kitch Witch.

[2003] Hello?

[2004] Hey, you're on the air.

[2005] We have some questions for you.

[2006] Yeah, we have a debate going.

[2007] I said I put grilled onions on my burger last night, and I said they were caramelized.

[2008] And then now we're in a debate about what's grilled onions versus what sought onions versus what's caramelized.

[2009] Are they all the same thing?

[2010] Oh, different because it's, um, you get the, the char from the grill.

[2011] Yeah.

[2012] Yeah.

[2013] That's a, I mean, that's a no -brainer, I think.

[2014] Okay.

[2015] That's one in my book.

[2016] Okay.

[2017] Sautade is you just saute them until they're like, jettlucent.

[2018] So it doesn't necessarily mean that they've like, is it like softened.

[2019] And then when you caramelize, you cook them slower and at a lower heat, lower and slower until they actually brown a little bit.

[2020] And the sugars in the onion actually caramelized.

[2021] So it's a tie.

[2022] So one for me. Are you sure?

[2023] Yeah, you just caramelize them by heating them.

[2024] That's exactly what I did.

[2025] But how do you know you didn't just saute?

[2026] No, no, because they were brown on the outside.

[2027] Carly, can they be brown and sauteed?

[2028] I mean, yes.

[2029] Yeah, I think that it depends on what your heat was.

[2030] Because if it's slow, then the sugar's caramelized.

[2031] The heat is none of your business if I can be candid.

[2032] No one needs to know what heat I was cooking now.

[2033] What I'm saying is that I took some money.

[2034] is I sliced them paper thin, I put them in with my burger, and they were caramelized.

[2035] At the end, they were caramelized.

[2036] Well, but wait, backtrack, what heat setting did you use and what kind of fat did you throw on the pan?

[2037] Once again, no one's business, but as you know, those Light Life burgers, they have a bit of, I assume, coconut oil in them.

[2038] Yeah.

[2039] Yeah.

[2040] So I let it cook a little bit so some of that oil came out, and then I popped them just right on that oil.

[2041] Okay, but what was your heat setting?

[2042] Again, everyone's really hung up on the heat setting.

[2043] Makes a difference.

[2044] I generally cook.

[2045] Here's what I generally do with my heat setting.

[2046] heat.

[2047] I get the pan pretty hot with a high heat and then I turn it down to a medium.

[2048] I like to cook on medium.

[2049] So it was all being cooked on medium.

[2050] And it took a while.

[2051] It was at least a 12 minute cooking time, six on each side.

[2052] If it was like a 12 minute cook, there's probably a likelihood that there's some sugars were caramelized.

[2053] Okay.

[2054] It tastes a very caramelized.

[2055] But don't you, Carl, when you caramelize, you add like some extras.

[2056] Me, when I caramelized?

[2057] Yeah.

[2058] Yeah, you're darn too and I do.

[2059] What do you do?

[2060] Like at the last three or four minutes of it, I doubt some of the good cooking sherry.

[2061] It could be cream sherry.

[2062] It could be regular sherry, but then I let that all cook off.

[2063] It's real nice.

[2064] It's so nice.

[2065] That could be potentially tricky waters for me, right?

[2066] If I'm using, sherry has alcohol in it, no?

[2067] It cooks out.

[2068] You're good.

[2069] You're golden because the alcohol burns off.

[2070] Okay.

[2071] All right.

[2072] So I just, I got to make sure I don't like pour it all in and be like, it's dinner served!

[2073] You can't pour in a cup next to the pan and drink the cup.

[2074] All right.

[2075] Well, it sounds like I was right.

[2076] It sounds like I was right, too.

[2077] I thank you.

[2078] Thank you, thank you.

[2079] We might be calling you throughout with cooking questions.

[2080] Yeah, this might have started a cooking debate that will go on the rest of the fact check.

[2081] I love this.

[2082] All right.

[2083] Let's do it.

[2084] I love you.

[2085] I love you.

[2086] Bye.

[2087] Okay, Kaylee.

[2088] Kaylee was so fun.

[2089] So fun.

[2090] I feel a little bad because we mainly only talked about Carl.

[2091] I don't.

[2092] Okay.

[2093] I think she enjoyed talking about Carl.

[2094] She loves Carl.

[2095] She married him.

[2096] And he's a horseman.

[2097] I know.

[2098] We've never talked to a horseman.

[2099] and if you have even proxy access to a horseman, you've got to take it.

[2100] You're going to get questions.

[2101] Yeah.

[2102] Who wouldn't have a bunch of questions for a horseman?

[2103] Now, do you say a horseman or a horseman?

[2104] Oh, I don't say any of those.

[2105] But if you had to.

[2106] I would say horseman because a horseman is like a centaur.

[2107] Yes, half horse, half man. That's right.

[2108] 100 % American.

[2109] And Texas, by the grace of God.

[2110] Texan by the grace of God.

[2111] Do you guys have any sayings like that in Georgia?

[2112] Georgia Peach.

[2113] Yeah, but you know what they say in Texas?

[2114] American by birth, Texas by the grace of God.

[2115] They also say the higher, the hair, the closer to God.

[2116] Oh, okay.

[2117] What great state pride they have.

[2118] I wish we had some saying in Michigan.

[2119] You have the mitten thing.

[2120] You guys are always holding up your hands like mittens.

[2121] That's kind of cute.

[2122] But it's not like a, I'm extra lucky to be a Michigander, you know?

[2123] American by birth.

[2124] Michigander by.

[2125] Life's lottery.

[2126] This is brought to you by the Michigan State Lottery.

[2127] Well, I think it's because Texas is kind of its own thing.

[2128] Sure.

[2129] Georgia is just part of the South.

[2130] So they have like a southern, they really like, you know, take that on.

[2131] Yeah.

[2132] And you guys have like a Midwestern thing.

[2133] Yeah, but again, we're just lumped into the Midwest with Ohio and Illinois and Pennsylvania.

[2134] Right, but I guess that's why.

[2135] Because Texas, they're on their own.

[2136] Well, right.

[2137] They were virtually their own country.

[2138] Yeah.

[2139] Okay.

[2140] Kaylee mentioned that there might be a reboot of Charmed on the CW.

[2141] Yes, there is.

[2142] Season 3 will be the third season of Charm.

[2143] The show was renewed for a third season on January 7, 2020 by the CW.

[2144] There are expected to be 25 episodes with the unproduced episodes of the second season airing as a part of the third season.

[2145] The season is set to premiere on January 24th, 2000.

[2146] Oh, okay.

[2147] Coming up.

[2148] Great.

[2149] Well, we've got a lot to look forward to.

[2150] Coming up.

[2151] I can't believe you talked about Charmed and Northern Exposure when she was on one episode of Northen Exposures.

[2152] But it was interesting.

[2153] Yeah, it was.

[2154] And also, you said that was your favorite show, but we know Silver Spoons was your favorite show.

[2155] As a child.

[2156] The first show I started recording on VHS tapes and I loved was a Northern Exposure.

[2157] And it was when I was in college and I would come home for my lunch break.

[2158] Oh.

[2159] And I'd pop on an episode and I'd put a hot dog inside of a frozen burrito and I'd cook it in the microwave and I'd put chopped up onion and mustard on it.

[2160] And I'd sit there and patiently and slowly work my way through my two burritos while I watched Northern Exposure.

[2161] And I loved it.

[2162] Oh my God.

[2163] I was addicted to it.

[2164] It was the first show I was addicted to.

[2165] You wouldn't include Silver Spoons in that.

[2166] No, because I didn't even, truth be told about Silver Spoons.

[2167] Oh, no. I only got to see it when I was at a friend's house.

[2168] because we didn't have a good enough antenna and we certainly didn't have cable and our antenna didn't pull down shit and pulled down like WKBD with a lot of snow over it.

[2169] Wow, so you've only, you probably've only seen like six or seven episodes and you wrote an entire paper about it.

[2170] That's accurate.

[2171] I would say, I would say I've probably seen 12 episodes of it.

[2172] Wow.

[2173] But again, you don't need to see many to see the deep family values on display and also they were just rich.

[2174] I just want to be rich so bad.

[2175] His stocking was the size of a human.

[2176] human.

[2177] And he had a train, electric train in his house.

[2178] I know you love that electric train.

[2179] Oh my God.

[2180] Life would have been so easy.

[2181] I'm surprised you don't have an electric train in your house just for that.

[2182] I've already mapped out where I could put track.

[2183] I'm definitely considering doing it.

[2184] I think I got room on the side of the house to do a train ride around the house.

[2185] Not no joke.

[2186] You made it.

[2187] Yeah.

[2188] Yeah.

[2189] See, you made it.

[2190] I might get a stocking the size of myself this year.

[2191] Okay.

[2192] Did Rob McLehaney?

[2193] Did he direct?

[2194] the pilot of Mythic Quest.

[2195] No. No. That was David Gordon Green.

[2196] David Gordon Green.

[2197] Who we love.

[2198] Who directs a lot of Danny's stuff.

[2199] Danny McBride.

[2200] Yeah.

[2201] Oh, yeah.

[2202] Oh, boy.

[2203] Okay, I'm on to...

[2204] Those were my facts on my computer.

[2205] Now I'm on to my...

[2206] Your detective pad?

[2207] Trustee detective pad.

[2208] Oh, exciting.

[2209] Is it hard to travel with pets during COVID?

[2210] Right now, many airlines are not allowing pet travel or only allowing it in the case that the pet can come on the flight with you and not as cargo.

[2211] But the rules do vary depending on the airlines as well as your destination state or country.

[2212] This doctor who's on the advisory board for pup life today.

[2213] This doctor?

[2214] You are not this doctor of the puppies.

[2215] No, no, right?

[2216] That's not your wheelhouse.

[2217] No, it doesn't interest me. No. She said, now is not the time to be flying with a pet unless absolutely necessary.

[2218] A permanent relocation to a distant locale, for example.

[2219] And what's her reasoning?

[2220] She doesn't want to talk about it It's none of our business Like the heat I'm cooking my burgers on It was relevant I'm glad that she kept pushing on that Because you were really trying to get away with murder over there She's like a dog with a bone She would not get off that heat topic Ding ding ding ding ding goes Okay The Johnny Depp dog sitch Oh yeah this is hot gossip 10 years old but hot gossip This is in 2015 This is a CNN article His two beloved dogs are expected to fly back to Los Angeles, his being Donnie Depp, beloved dogs are expected to be flying back to Los Angeles by private jet on Friday, after the actor sparked controversy by sneaking the pups down under in a private Gulfstream V jet, according to officials.

[2221] Five.

[2222] Oh.

[2223] Goldstream five.

[2224] I didn't want any aeronautical officials out there to be, yeah.

[2225] A G5, you'd say.

[2226] I wish there was a way to designate that it's a Roman numeral and not.

[2227] V. Yeah.

[2228] How am I to know?

[2229] Well, do you ever see the word just V?

[2230] Oh, but I got you.

[2231] It could be like G -T.

[2232] Yeah, exactly.

[2233] In a vehicle or something, of course.

[2234] Yeah, so that's a G -5 is what you would actually say, if you're into planes.

[2235] It's called, G -means.

[2236] A golf stream.

[2237] A golf stream, V is a G -5, and there's a G -6, a G -6.

[2238] The G -650's range is off the charts.

[2239] I think we could leave here in L .A. and fly anywhere we wanted, just like a commercial airline.

[2240] Really?

[2241] Yeah, that G5 can have a good fuel capacity, clearly, but they might have had to refuel in New Zealand.

[2242] But let's just say private air travel, of course, is very inefficient.

[2243] So I hate to say this, but it's also incredibly awesome.

[2244] I've had the opportunity a few times.

[2245] Well, we talked about it.

[2246] We were on our friend Jay's plane once to go to a show.

[2247] Oh, then you had to knock down the door.

[2248] Well, he did.

[2249] He kicked it down.

[2250] He had the pleasure.

[2251] Oh, that's right.

[2252] That's right.

[2253] That's right.

[2254] But all to say, even in the most generous defense of private air travel, the notion of sending two dogs back on a G5 is the apex of crazy.

[2255] Right?

[2256] I'm going to send my jet.

[2257] I know it costs roughly $60 ,000 to fly one to New York from L .A. So a trip to Australia from L .A. It's got to be in the $200 ,000 rain.

[2258] It says here, though it's unclear how much the Pirates of the Caribbean Star is paying to send his dogs home.

[2259] Hiring such a plane can cost more than $400 ,000.

[2260] Oh, my God.

[2261] Okay.

[2262] But why did he have to send them home?

[2263] I'm a little confused.

[2264] Because when you enter Australia with dogs, you have to declare them.

[2265] They go into quarantine so they don't infect all the other animals on that island they live on.

[2266] And so they sit there for two weeks in a kennel to make sure they don't have any diseases.

[2267] So he was like, I'm not going to put my dogs in a jail for two weeks, but I want to bring them.

[2268] I mean, the real answer was you just, you can't bring them.

[2269] Because I don't think they should sit in jail either for two weeks.

[2270] But you just don't bring them and you hire for the $400 ,000 you would have paid for air travel.

[2271] You hire like me. You could hire me to watch your dogs.

[2272] You could hire me for $100 ,000 to watch your dogs.

[2273] And this goes for anyone out there that's listening.

[2274] A same.

[2275] I'll do it for 90.

[2276] I'll do it for $89 cash, though, and under the table, no taxes.

[2277] But anyways, you hire Dax Shepherd to watch your dogs.

[2278] I'm probably as fun as him.

[2279] Maybe not.

[2280] Not for the dog, because he loves his dogs.

[2281] Point being, of all the many options there were, put them in jail for two weeks, don't take them.

[2282] Or take them and don't put them in jail.

[2283] Then get caught, then get charges brought against you.

[2284] Then having to charter a jet to get them home, wow.

[2285] Wow.

[2286] That win as bad as it could go.

[2287] I bet there was a like a light conversation like, should we bring the dogs?

[2288] Oh, fuck it.

[2289] Yeah, let's just throw them on the plane.

[2290] That dumb little unexplored conversation resulted in so much headache.

[2291] $400 ,000.

[2292] And press.

[2293] Now what, some five years later is rehashing it.

[2294] Officials there are showing no mercy after Depp allegedly breached biosecurity regulations by bringing his two dogs into their country without proper documentation.

[2295] Yorkshire Terriers boo and pay.

[2296] pistol must be taken out of Australia by Saturday morning.

[2297] Officials have said or risk being euthanized.

[2298] Oh my God, they were going to kill them?

[2299] That seems extreme.

[2300] Draconian laws over the dogs.

[2301] There's probably some Aussies right now.

[2302] Upset?

[2303] Yes, listening to this, how cavalier we think bringing animals into their country and they're like, you know, no way, mate.

[2304] But you can't just bring your diseased animal into our country.

[2305] Like in case we brought like COVID or something.

[2306] Yeah.

[2307] All right.

[2308] It is weird, though, that humans don't have to quarantine and dogs, too.

[2309] But I guess the animals do spread stuff.

[2310] Well, they've had really bad situations over there.

[2311] Oh, really?

[2312] Yeah, both those places and Hawaii.

[2313] A lot of these places, like, won't have an animal.

[2314] And then someone brings over a pet rabbit, and then the whole island gets infested with rabbits.

[2315] And then they drive out the native populations of animals.

[2316] And so there's just a terrible history.

[2317] And even what happens on these.

[2318] Ships, you know what happens on ships?

[2319] So when the boat is empty, they will fill the bilge.

[2320] They'll use the bilge pump to fill up the bottom of the boat with water, so it sits lower in the, right?

[2321] Okay.

[2322] Or they'll fill the bilge tanks to even up the weight if there's more weight on one side of the boat.

[2323] So they pump all this water in from, say, the L .A. harbor.

[2324] Yeah.

[2325] And then they go over to Australia, to Sydney, via the Panama Canal.

[2326] And then they let all their bilge water out.

[2327] Well, there's all these animals get sucked up in there.

[2328] And different fish and fish, microbes, snakes, all kinds of different things can come out in that bilge water.

[2329] Oh, God.

[2330] So there's all this cross -contamination of species because of our travel.

[2331] Right.

[2332] And then Johnny Depp on his G5 with boo and cocoa.

[2333] Boo and Pistol.

[2334] Boo and Pistol.

[2335] Mix messages.

[2336] Why?

[2337] Well, people either name their dogs like tiger, animal.

[2338] Right.

[2339] Or mittens.

[2340] And he's got boo and pistol.

[2341] Yeah, he's done both.

[2342] I like it.

[2343] Yeah, it neutralizes.

[2344] Or do you think it's like...

[2345] Boom, motherfucker.

[2346] Uh -huh.

[2347] Like you see the pistol and then you see boom.

[2348] And then you shoot.

[2349] And then you shoot your pants.

[2350] Okay.

[2351] Was that all of them?

[2352] That's good.

[2353] That's good.

[2354] That's really good.

[2355] That's really good.

[2356] You did a really good job on your little notepad.

[2357] Thank you.

[2358] Do you think Johnny Depp doesn't want to be a guest now based on that?

[2359] Or do you think that was fair?

[2360] Was that fair and balanced?

[2361] It's from CNN.

[2362] Well, no, I just mean our bringing it up.

[2363] Do you think he's going to be like, I don't want to go talk to those assholes.

[2364] They brought up my dog fiasco.

[2365] No, because I feel for him.

[2366] Remember, we don't know what we're allowed to say about him.

[2367] Oh, we don't?

[2368] Oh, right.

[2369] Yeah.

[2370] You didn't look at any of that stuff up.

[2371] I didn't look up any of that.

[2372] So the Australians are mad and other groups are mad.

[2373] we have a real way quicksand topic you get yourself in hot water in depth water you find yourself out of your debt okay I love you love you follow armchair expert on the Wondry app Amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to every episode of Armchair expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery .com slash survey.