#1473 - Tom Papa

[0] Okay.

[1] So what were you just saying, Jamie?

[2] We have L .A.'s stay -at -home order will likely remain in place for the next three months unless there is a, quote, dramatic change to the virus and tools at hand officials say.

[3] How are people supposed to feed themselves?

[4] Like, really, realistically.

[5] How do they expect this to work?

[6] You go out to work and then you skitter back home.

[7] That's not what they're saying.

[8] That's not what stay -at -home means.

[9] Stay -at -home means you don't go to work.

[10] Yeah, but at the same time, they're opening up businesses.

[11] They're opening up very few businesses, and you have to get curbside for retail.

[12] I heard our governor in the state of California say that 70 % of businesses are open now.

[13] Well, if that's the case, even if that was a case, let's say 30 % of people are out of work.

[14] That's catastrophic.

[15] Yeah, it's a lot.

[16] And I don't think it's true.

[17] I don't think 70 % of the places are open.

[18] That's what he said.

[19] 70 % of businesses.

[20] Even if they're open, they're not open at 100 % capacity.

[21] Or they're probably working from home, like offices.

[22] He's probably counting offices.

[23] And those people are still working and getting paid, but they're doing it from home.

[24] So this is just L .A. L .A. County.

[25] So that means, like, comedy store has no chance.

[26] Yeah, I believe it's for the county, yeah.

[27] Until July.

[28] This is the same fuck -up who thought it would be a good idea to have people rat on people for money.

[29] Technically, this was not coming from the mayor.

[30] This is coming from a health, someone in the health department talking at a supervisor meeting or something.

[31] So it was a suggestion, it wasn't an official order, but it's something that's coming, yeah.

[32] Right.

[33] So it's non -official order.

[34] Non -official order.

[35] But L .A. is the densest county in America.

[36] How about that?

[37] Is it really?

[38] Yeah.

[39] More than New York?

[40] Yeah.

[41] As a county.

[42] Hmm.

[43] That seems odd, doesn't it?

[44] It does seem odd.

[45] It seems like a lot of people.

[46] New York City is denser.

[47] Yeah.

[48] New York City, the thing about New York City that makes it great is that everybody sort of mingles together.

[49] Everybody gets on the subway together, everybody walks together on the streets.

[50] Yeah.

[51] It's also the reason why everybody's getting sick together.

[52] Yeah, but I saw an interesting thing that the highest, this guy wrote an editorial about the reasons for New York and he lives in New York.

[53] And he said Staten Island had the highest number.

[54] This was written before, I think Brooklyn has now edged it.

[55] But at the time, that Staten Island was the highest and it was the least densely populated.

[56] And Manhattan, which is the most densely populated, had the fewer number of cases.

[57] Really?

[58] Mm -hmm.

[59] Well, I wonder if that is similar to, you know, what they're finding with people that work together or in prisons in particularly.

[60] They're finding that there was this one prison.

[61] They did a study on 98 % of the people were asymptomatic.

[62] Really?

[63] 98 % yeah 98 % she's it's nuts that's weird so I was bringing it up with a friend of mine and I was like do you think this is because my friend Kyle Kalinsky and he was like I think it's because their immune systems are strong because they're just interacting with each other constantly and I was like oh that kind of makes sense because I was thinking if you're in prison you're probably stressed out and you're getting bad food yeah and horrible sleep and yet your immune system strong right because you're just being bombarded all the time?

[64] Yeah, you're being bombarded all the time by stinky, dirty people.

[65] Where if you live in an isolated, fancy place with purified air, and all this.

[66] You're in a wonderful community in Brentwood.

[67] You don't see your neighbors ever.

[68] You don't go anywhere.

[69] You're very fragile.

[70] Yeah, you go to the store, you come home.

[71] And now our immune systems are, I would imagine, this is just pure speculation.

[72] But I would imagine that your immune systems like all the other systems of your body, that when it gets tested, it gets stronger, right?

[73] Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[74] So your immune system right now is being put into a state of atrophy because it's not being exposed to anything new.

[75] It's in a lounge chair.

[76] It's just chilling.

[77] It's in a black lounge chair.

[78] Hasn't worked in years.

[79] It's got soft legs that cramp up when it goes upstairs.

[80] And all of a sudden it gets called to go to work, and it's just like, dude, what?

[81] Wouldn't you imagine that's the case?

[82] It seems like it.

[83] Yeah.

[84] I can imagine we're setting ourselves up to get really sick if something comes down the pipe.

[85] Yeah, yeah.

[86] Well, that was what was very strange in the beginning of all this when people were saying that you, you know, people just spout out.

[87] You can't do anything for your immune system.

[88] You can't make it stronger.

[89] That's nonsense.

[90] And it was like, really?

[91] Who is saying that?

[92] Just online.

[93] I did a thing with, really, just like, just people spouting off.

[94] Yeah.

[95] crazy because online it's written and when you're seeing things written you're like wow this must make sense it's written i know i know it's got 150 ,000 likes this has got to be real it's just bob said it it's just a matter of a guy like walking on the street it's the same thing i don't understand how we could take three more months off yeah don't um well it depends what they mean by i mean you know when you talk when you hear the governor talk it's you know he's moving it along and he's in these phases and we're getting and pushing it through and it's it doesn't i don't it's i don't think it's going to be as i'm stammering because the realization of it i don't i don't think it's going to be like what it was in april in may why not july because i because i want to go outside i think so too la county breaches uh beaches reopened may 13th yes but you can't hang out on your lounge.

[96] You can't hang out on your towel.

[97] You've got to go in...

[98] Make that larger, please.

[99] Go back to where it was.

[100] You can do water sports.

[101] No lying or sitting on the sand.

[102] Right.

[103] Canopies, coolers, or picnicking.

[104] Right.

[105] You can be active.

[106] You can go swim.

[107] Parking lots are closed.

[108] So where do they expect you to park?

[109] They don't want you to go.

[110] Individual family activities and exercise only.

[111] Yeah.

[112] So you can go down.

[113] You can swim.

[114] You could ride the waves and then get out of the ocean and get back in your car.

[115] Look at home.

[116] You can't picnic.

[117] No biking.

[118] No, why can you bike?

[119] I have to say.

[120] No volleyball?

[121] You see that round circle with the slash through it with the giant canopies?

[122] Those should be banned all year.

[123] Have you ever been next to one of those on the beach?

[124] Oh, those are disgusting.

[125] Oh, my God.

[126] Why are you allowed to set up camp?

[127] Building a house.

[128] Yeah, you're basically saying this is my area of the sand.

[129] Yeah.

[130] Blocking everyone's view.

[131] Yeah, you can get a fucking towel.

[132] That's what you can get.

[133] You get a towel and that's it.

[134] That's how it's always been.

[135] I know.

[136] These people come down there, they've got coolers and tables higher than this.

[137] You see, they have fences now?

[138] People are setting up beach fences?

[139] Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're selling beach fences.

[140] You set it up.

[141] You stick it in the sand and you mark off your area.

[142] Oh, my God.

[143] Social distancing.

[144] We're creating dorks.

[145] This is all before social distancing.

[146] These are just people making camps there and bringing 25 people.

[147] Oh, I hate it.

[148] So re -opens tomorrow is what they're saying.

[149] Yeah, baby.

[150] Well, that's good.

[151] that's a start I think we need to move in the other direction I think we need to quarantine people that are at risk that's what I think really and then let people make their own choices you know this the idea that these hospitals are going to be overwhelmed is not true it's not correct luckily we're very fortunate yeah and the idea that we're going to run out of ventilators that's not true either right so and then also if that doctor that worked with michael yo was telling you this before we started the doctor said that if he put him on a ventilator he would die um because his body would stop trying to breathe and it would just sort of give up and this is what michael yo's doctor told him and he he survived and then we're finding out that a lot of people they put on ventilators don't make it and i wonder if what he's saying applies to those people right he was he his a special case of why they didn't want him on the ventilator no his doctor's just a wise guy it's just smart and just figured it out well i mean look i mean it's a weird thing to think, you know, what if we hadn't done all of these measures, would the hospitals have, I mean, because the hospitals for a beat were crazy.

[152] Depends on where you are.

[153] Yeah.

[154] Like if you weren't in Queens, it was insane.

[155] Yeah, this place is where it's horrible.

[156] Yeah.

[157] So, like, if we hadn't done these things, what would have the result have been?

[158] It's a good question.

[159] You know, I mean, would we have achieved herd immunity, you know, or would we have achieved it quicker?

[160] Yeah.

[161] That's the, you know, because herd immunity is like 60 % of the people have been infected.

[162] Right.

[163] then the virus sort of dies off.

[164] Right.

[165] You know, when you look at the Spanish flu, when you look at the history of that, and, you know, the places that did something fared much better than the places that didn't.

[166] The end result was, you know, all these people died.

[167] It goes through the same amount of time, but just you have a lot more fatalities, you know.

[168] And it's this, it's always been this kind of calculation like, you know, people are doing the math.

[169] I feel like people are doing the math, And they're saying, okay, X amount will die, but we've got to get back to work and get these people to work.

[170] And they're trying to figure out that equation.

[171] Is the suffering of the people that are probably going to survive even if they get it?

[172] Is that suffering going to be greater than the suffering for families who lose people, right?

[173] So that's that balancing act.

[174] And you can see where people are coming out on it.

[175] Certain places are like, no, it's just time to go.

[176] And, yeah, there'll be casualties, but we'll deal.

[177] and other people are saying save lives at all cost.

[178] Well, if we say save lives at all costs, we should all stop driving.

[179] I don't want to do that, too.

[180] But you know what I'm saying?

[181] Yeah, no, I know what you're saying.

[182] Yeah, right, there's things that are risk.

[183] This is one of those things that's a uniquely human problem because there's no real answer for it.

[184] Because most human problems are like, whoa, hmm.

[185] Yeah.

[186] You know what I mean?

[187] Yeah, yeah.

[188] No, right.

[189] You don't, you kind of, we're all isolated on the, this one thing and then you stop thinking well we live at risk all day long yeah every you know well not only do we live at risk all day long but we make decisions that could put ourselves at risk and we're allowed to make those decisions but with this you're not allowed to make those decisions and the idea is well because you put others at risk okay but who and why and do you know when do we decide like how long can we go on with this if we don't have any new tools in July?

[190] What is going to be the difference between July and now?

[191] Well, that's what Fauci's saying about the fall.

[192] He's saying that, you know, there's going to be a resurgence of it in the fall.

[193] You're going to have more because it's the flu season.

[194] People are going to, and you need to be prepared with testing and stuff to deal with this in the right way or else you're back to what we were dealing with in April and May and that you've got to be, you've got to learn from it and be prepared.

[195] And it's the testing, the testing, the testing.

[196] Yeah, it just seems, you know, Elon.

[197] just opened up his factory in California, the Tesla factory, and said, come arrest me. Right.

[198] Basically saying what you're doing is a violation of civil liberties.

[199] You're telling people that they're not allowed to go to work and that this is become a fascist state.

[200] See how that goes.

[201] Yeah, I kind of feel like they're seeing, like they know that they'll save lives this way.

[202] But they, I mean, look, if you're the governor, right?

[203] What do you do?

[204] What do you do?

[205] I mean, you want people to be safe, but you also are looking at the books every day and realizing that your state is in need of a trillion dollars to survive.

[206] Like, it would be...

[207] If, I mean, if that's it, it might be a lot more than that.

[208] Yeah, like, you know...

[209] That's just based on what we know is active in the businesses that are open right now.

[210] Right.

[211] I mean, how many people, like, a friend of I was saying, how many people are unemployed right now and they don't even know it?

[212] Yeah.

[213] The business is just never going to make it.

[214] And then also there's going to be less people with money.

[215] So there's going to be less spending.

[216] So these economies are going to need some sort of a resurgence.

[217] So if you're the governor, you're not out there just to control people and take away their civil liberties because you're screwing yourself on the other end, you know, with people being broke and the economy falling apart.

[218] So you're in this spot.

[219] I do not envy it.

[220] It's also when you start telling people what to do, it's very difficult to stop.

[221] So once you have the ability to tell people what to do, it's very difficult to just turn that off and go ahead, go back to normal, do whatever you want to do now.

[222] Right, right.

[223] Which is what we used to do just four months ago, right?

[224] Do whatever you want to do?

[225] Yeah, yeah.

[226] But now all of a sudden, do you see that goofy fucking list that they put out of all the stuff you can and can't do?

[227] No. It's even goofier than the list that we saw about the beaches.

[228] Oh, really?

[229] It's a fucking preposterous, this really long list that California put out of things you're allowed to do outside.

[230] You can meditate.

[231] You can do soft martial arts.

[232] You can watch the sunrise or the sunset.

[233] I mean, it's so asinine.

[234] It's just so, you're getting people, in this case, you're getting people that have no business telling people what to do.

[235] And all of a sudden they've been assigned this ability to tell people what they're allowed to do and not to do.

[236] Right.

[237] And so they make this gigantic, stupid fucking list.

[238] And it's really offensive.

[239] It is a weird thing.

[240] It's fucking dumb.

[241] Dan Crenshaw put something up on his Instagram, see if you can find it where he shows what you can and can't do.

[242] in this one particular list and how preposterous it is.

[243] There's a bunch of lists that different states are putting up and different states have different approaches.

[244] One thing that I do like about the fact that we are the United States of America that different states do have different approaches and we get to watch how that experiment plays out.

[245] It is an experiment, isn't it?

[246] I'm just like, so how's Georgia?

[247] Every day has to down.

[248] Like, what's going on down there?

[249] Permitted.

[250] Walking, running, exercising, surfing, fishing, no chairs.

[251] Oh.

[252] Prohibited sunbathing, sitting in chairs, group sports, groups of people, swimming.

[253] And here's what he says, for your daily dose of things that are stupid.

[254] Here you go.

[255] How many geniuses sat around and deliberated over these particulars?

[256] Okay, they can fish, but we don't want them getting any sun while they fish and no chairs because we are saving lives.

[257] High fives all around.

[258] He's so right.

[259] I guess this is New Jersey.

[260] O -C -N -J, that's New Jersey, right?

[261] Yeah, yeah, Ocean County, New Jersey, yeah.

[262] Fuck off.

[263] Yeah, fuck off with that group.

[264] So what do you think?

[265] At this point, let it rip.

[266] I don't think it let it rip.

[267] I think education is imperative.

[268] I think, first of all, there has to be some education on how to strengthen your immune system.

[269] Right.

[270] There are experts that understand.

[271] I mean, I'm having Dr. Ronda Patrick on tomorrow to talk about this.

[272] I think it's very important to talk about supplementation, to talk about hermetic effects of heat shock proteins, cold shock proteins.

[273] What we can do as far as mitigating the stresses that you get from not having enough sleep, meditation, all sorts of different things that we need to teach people.

[274] How to strengthen your immune system, how to keep your body healthy.

[275] I'm with you 100%.

[276] I'm doing all that stuff learning about it as I go through life and I meditate.

[277] I take vitamins, I exercise.

[278] Eat a lot of bread.

[279] Eat a lot of bread.

[280] Oh, this bread is so much better.

[281] I bet it's good.

[282] It's better than the last one?

[283] It might be the best ones I've ever made.

[284] How is it possible?

[285] I swear to God.

[286] The last one's perfection.

[287] I'm home.

[288] I just keep getting better.

[289] How do you get better at bread?

[290] You get better.

[291] There's so many things that go into it every day.

[292] I don't understand how you get better at bread.

[293] I'm telling you.

[294] Wait till you see it.

[295] I'm glad you're around, man. I'm eating bread right now.

[296] But you're agreeing, but.

[297] All that stuff is great.

[298] But that list you just.

[299] said about heat proteins that's in it that is so much more complicated than no chairs at the beach dummy yes honestly when you talk to people just out there shopping doing stuff going to the beach the guy who's setting up his tent with his poles and he's got his thing that guy's not going to know shit about my beach fence don't spit in my area he's not going to know anything about his immune system or any of the protein but don't you can with the herd you've got to Tell them, no dummy, fish, no chair.

[300] Why can't you fucking sit down and fish?

[301] I mean, that's so crazy.

[302] Like, when you cast out to the surf and you have bait, you sit down.

[303] You put your fucking, your pole and a pole holder, so it's standing there, and you sit back, and you watch your line.

[304] Because there's going to be some jackass who's going to, they're going to come up and say, sir, they said no chairs.

[305] I got my pole.

[306] I'm fishing.

[307] We're all fishing, right?

[308] We all got a poll.

[309] Fishing, but no chairs.

[310] Chairs are dangerous.

[311] If you stay put, it could come get you.

[312] It's preposterous.

[313] It is preposterous.

[314] But the other part of the United States of America, and then we all get to make our own rules and see this experiment is like, the information flow is so confusing.

[315] It's been so, I mean, from the first time we heard about it in January, like there's this thing.

[316] I have been looking at my phone every day going, is that true?

[317] Is this right?

[318] Is this true?

[319] Wait, I read it on Twitter.

[320] No masks, now a mask, now I'm not a mask.

[321] Right.

[322] You know what I mean?

[323] Like, even Fauci.

[324] I posted something on from 60 minutes yesterday.

[325] I read that.

[326] I saw that.

[327] Fauci was saying you don't need to wear a mask.

[328] This was like two months ago.

[329] That was early.

[330] Fucking March is not that early, man. I know, but that's when they were saying no mask because they didn't have masks.

[331] Is that why?

[332] I think so.

[333] Well, maybe.

[334] But he was saying you don't, he's specifically, you don't need a mask.

[335] Yeah.

[336] But look, there's people out there wearing masks while they're driving in their cars.

[337] That's why I put it up.

[338] But I see these fucking dorks.

[339] I'm like, come on, man. Who's in your car blowing germs in your face?

[340] I know, by yourself.

[341] And by the way, those things are not going to keep the air from coming in your mouth.

[342] No. And it's in the air.

[343] If it's in the air, it's going to get in your mouth.

[344] It's going to keep you from spitting it out maybe and getting it on something.

[345] Maybe it'll stem the flow a little bit.

[346] And yeah, if you're out in public, particularly if you're going around a lot of people and you think you might have something with your mask.

[347] I'm in the thought.

[348] wearing my mask.

[349] We're in this.

[350] Just pull this up on my thing.

[351] You're a bandit.

[352] I go with the band.

[353] All of a sudden, everyone's a bandit.

[354] Everyone's a bandit.

[355] Everyone's robbing a bang.

[356] I can't wait for the first time someone robbed something and they've all got their mask on.

[357] I'm sure it's already happened.

[358] I'm absolutely.

[359] I'm in there with this stupid ass mask.

[360] It's hot.

[361] It fogs up my glasses.

[362] I'm itchy.

[363] My eyes are running.

[364] I'm like I'm trying not to touch my face with all this stuff.

[365] This is not helping me. No. Yeah.

[366] Well, that was the thing Fauci said in the video that when you wear a mask, people start messing with their face.

[367] Now I'm rubbing my eyeballs with my...

[368] I think we need to concentrate on people getting their immune system stronger.

[369] I think the government has the time to put up these fucking stupid lists of not...

[370] Don't use a chair.

[371] Make a sign.

[372] Put up a list of how important it is to take vitamin C, supplement your diet with vitamin C. Supplement your diet with vitamin D. Yep.

[373] You know, to take...

[374] Elderberry.

[375] Yeah.

[376] Take zinc.

[377] Take all sorts of things that are, that have proven to be very good for your immune system.

[378] I know.

[379] Why wouldn't you do it?

[380] Why wouldn't you do it?

[381] Anger, anger, frustration.

[382] Instead, you could just put it off till July, and then it's going to magically be better.

[383] It's not going to be better in July.

[384] It's still going to exist.

[385] The only thing that's going to be different, it's going to be hot as fuck out.

[386] Maybe that's better.

[387] Maybe the virus can't survive when it's hot as fuck out and when it untouched things.

[388] It'll go down, but then it's going to get cold.

[389] And that's what happened in 1918, right?

[390] In 2019, it was the, it came up, the fall spike.

[391] was much worse than the spring spike.

[392] Is that what they said?

[393] Yeah, it came back and the numbers were much higher.

[394] Well, and then it just, and this is what I keep trying to figure out.

[395] I'm reading all about the history of that, and it was a two -year thing before it just, you know, went through the population and eventually died out.

[396] And I keep thinking, are we going to be different?

[397] Are we more advanced?

[398] Are we going to be able to change that story in modern day?

[399] It's a different disease.

[400] It's a very different disease.

[401] This is not the Spanish flu.

[402] The Spanish flu was way worse.

[403] Right.

[404] It was way worse.

[405] It was killing everybody.

[406] It killed, particularly to attack young people and healthy people very quickly.

[407] You want to kill Cliff?

[408] What is it?

[409] Have some CBD.

[410] Very good for you.

[411] It doesn't even get you high.

[412] Very good.

[413] It's a mango flavor.

[414] It's delicious.

[415] Ooh, nice.

[416] Yeah, so this is a different disease, and it's also a disease where a significant number of people, in fact, more people than not are asymptomatic.

[417] It's good, right?

[418] Yeah.

[419] 25 milligrams of CBD.

[420] I'm tasting childhood.

[421] That's the thing of CBD.

[422] Are you taking CBD at all?

[423] Mm -mm.

[424] Mm. You need to.

[425] Do I?

[426] Yeah, it's so good for inflammation, man, just for everything.

[427] Oh, yeah?

[428] It alleviates anxiety.

[429] A lot of anxiety comes from like, ah, like your body's got inflammation.

[430] For whatever reason, CBD seems to alleviate anxiety in a significant amount of people.

[431] With THC or without?

[432] Without.

[433] You don't need it.

[434] You don't need THC.

[435] I like with.

[436] Ah, that's good.

[437] I like both.

[438] The benefits will be the same with or without.

[439] Yeah, sure.

[440] It's great stuff.

[441] That's really good.

[442] It's tasty.

[443] Yeah.

[444] That's a small amount of CBD.

[445] That's 25 milligrams.

[446] But I'm addicted to these things I drink them all the time All right, I'm on it I also take CBD I use I drops I had those for a while CBD MD I get that stuff And I put the The tincture Yeah They help me sleep Oh it's great Yeah It's really good for your body too It's just great for people With arthritis And stiff joints and things Along those lines You know So that's what I want That's what I want to get people into Just recognizing like hey Yeah Here's a time Where you can understand that it's important to have a healthy body and this is why because you know you look at who this is hitting the people that are dying yeah there's we went over it yesterday significant increase in in likelihood of death when you're older older or obese or diabetic oh obese is huge yeah in New York that's the number one thing oh is it really yeah they're saying the number one thing led to mortality wow wow yeah yeah you see like I know imagine being fat as fuck and you're like god damn I wish I had a little warning I'd like to get healthy, but it's like all of a sudden.

[447] I know.

[448] Out of nowhere, I can kill you.

[449] Before, it just was tough going upstairs.

[450] I just had to buy bigger pants.

[451] I just felt shitty about myself when I looked in the mirror.

[452] Yeah, I just avoided mirrors.

[453] Now my life is being threatened.

[454] Yeah, literally.

[455] Yeah, literally.

[456] People are dying.

[457] I know.

[458] You got to be strong.

[459] Yeah, I mean, it's just, it's terrible for the people that lost people.

[460] It's terrible for people who die.

[461] I'm with you.

[462] all this stuff, but I just do not think this is the way to handle it.

[463] I think quarantining the people that are at risk is a far better option, far smarter option.

[464] Yeah.

[465] You know, better testing.

[466] If you have older people in your family, they stay in their place.

[467] You don't go see them until we get, you know, a vaccine or get through it.

[468] No, I, that, I mean, there aren't numbers.

[469] I mean, if we're just going by the science and you're going by the hard numbers, there's a the majority of the workforce could probably go out and work.

[470] The majority, that's majority.

[471] And, you know, there should be some sort of a waiver for people who can't or don't want to or have anxiety about it.

[472] Yeah, okay.

[473] Yeah.

[474] You know, but I think most people want to go back to work.

[475] I know.

[476] I got an offer to go do shows in a club in a couple weeks.

[477] Addison Improvs opened back up.

[478] Apparently they're opening back up this weekend.

[479] Texas doesn't give a fuck.

[480] I love it.

[481] Would you perform?

[482] Would you go to a club?

[483] I would book it.

[484] I want to do it.

[485] I don't know what I'm going to do, man. I mean, if July is legit, if that's really when we go back, that's too many months.

[486] Too many months to not do stand -up.

[487] I know.

[488] I start feeling a little weird.

[489] Well, also, your stand -up's going to suck, okay?

[490] We're talking about how your cardiovascular system goes down.

[491] Yeah.

[492] How about your stand -up system?

[493] I know.

[494] We'll get that back quick, though.

[495] We will.

[496] Yeah, if you get there on Wednesday, by Friday, you'll have your system back.

[497] Yeah, you'll be good.

[498] You'll be good to go.

[499] Your voice will be sore.

[500] I'm like, God, my throat is out of way, out of breath.

[501] You won't be thinking right.

[502] Yeah, your throat will be out of shape.

[503] It's really true.

[504] It is true.

[505] I know.

[506] I know.

[507] But it looks like if you want, there's going to be clubs.

[508] But, I mean, you'll have to fly to them.

[509] You'll have to fly to them.

[510] You've got to go to Addison.

[511] Yeah.

[512] Yeah.

[513] I heard there's some other clubs around the country that are going to start opening up as well.

[514] How was the thing on the weekend?

[515] Your thing.

[516] Oh, the UFC?

[517] Yeah.

[518] It was interesting.

[519] Yeah?

[520] Very weird.

[521] Was it weird?

[522] Huge arena, no one in it.

[523] No one in it.

[524] No one in it.

[525] 15 ,000 -seat arena, maybe 10 people in the audience.

[526] Wow.

[527] Yeah, and it was all people that work for the UFC.

[528] Wow.

[529] Yeah, like us, the three commentators, sound people, a few other folks.

[530] Like, judges.

[531] I guess more than 10 people because there was the judges and then the doctors and state officials, you know, medical officials and, you know, athletic commission people.

[532] Okay.

[533] And then they just come out and fight and you just hear them breathing and stuff.

[534] Oh, my God.

[535] Well, first of all, the main event was spectacular.

[536] Oh, yeah.

[537] It was an incredible fight, and it was a fucking war.

[538] But it was a war where, unlike any other war, there's no crowd.

[539] Yeah.

[540] And you're hearing everything.

[541] You're hearing every smack of the flesh, every deep breath.

[542] You hear them breathing in the nostrils with broken noses.

[543] You can hear the fluid, like, as they're breathing in because their nose is broken and blood's pouring out of it.

[544] Oh, my God.

[545] It was crazy.

[546] Geez, let's just play music over it or something.

[547] No. Play crowd music.

[548] No. No, that was part of the thing.

[549] Was it cool?

[550] Was it cool?

[551] That sounds kind of like...

[552] Yeah.

[553] Well, I didn't hate it.

[554] Yeah.

[555] I felt very fortunate.

[556] Very fortunate to be there, one of the few people to be there live while this is going on.

[557] Right.

[558] That's how I felt.

[559] Yeah, of the whole world.

[560] Yeah.

[561] While it was happening, I was like, wow, I'm so lucky I get to be here.

[562] That's how I felt.

[563] Yeah.

[564] You know, even if I have to fly to fucking Florida to do it.

[565] Yeah.

[566] It was odd.

[567] It was all odd.

[568] That is weird.

[569] What was like going through the getting off the plane, taking the car to the thing?

[570] Weird.

[571] The driver's got a mouth covering on.

[572] Right.

[573] He was pretty cool about it.

[574] And I was going to, went to a restaurant.

[575] You did?

[576] Yeah.

[577] It ate at a Morton steakhouse.

[578] All open.

[579] Yep, sat down.

[580] Normal.

[581] The waiter had a mask on.

[582] Uh -huh.

[583] They made him wear masks.

[584] Uh -huh.

[585] Me and Eddie Bravo sat down and had steak.

[586] Really?

[587] Yeah.

[588] Jeez.

[589] People at the next tables?

[590] there was one or two other couples there was an older couple not that we were a couple excuse me it was one older couple and one younger couple and then there was maybe a couple other people at the bar wow so it was fairly empty so but also it was like four o 'clock in the afternoon oh okay right are they limiting how many people can come in yeah i think in a lot of places my friend nick he owns a guy tano's restaurant in Vegas and he showed me a diagram of what they're allowed to do they used a ruler to measure out the floor right and they put a six feet in between tables and so kind of like every other table they put a black tablecloth over it so you couldn't use that table so people were separated right but i mean how much of this is science i mean how much of this is nonsense yeah i don't know i don't know nobody knows that's the that's the i feel like every conversation we have about all of it it always ends up with who knows right Because if you've got all these tables blocked off, right?

[591] You've got a black table cloth on.

[592] You can't use that.

[593] What if someone's coughing over there?

[594] You cool eating your spaghetti or this guy's coffin 12 feet away from you?

[595] Who knows what's going on in the kitchen?

[596] Who knows what the bus boy putting their utensils out?

[597] Right.

[598] Who knows?

[599] But maybe I keep thinking as we're going around town doing our thing and being cautious with take out all the, like maybe we're playing the odds.

[600] Maybe the odds are more in our favor if we can kind of cut down on some.

[601] of the dumb stuff.

[602] Or maybe our immune system is going to turn into a pile of goo.

[603] A mushy, bitch -ass immune system that can't handle anything.

[604] Oh, man. I really thought I had it.

[605] I was so upset and I didn't.

[606] I know.

[607] Everybody thought that.

[608] I think I had a sniffle.

[609] Back in January.

[610] Yeah, I know it.

[611] I was in Seattle.

[612] I was on the airplane.

[613] I came home.

[614] I felt like shit.

[615] Guarantee you, I'm immune.

[616] I got to be immune.

[617] Everybody said that.

[618] Tim Dillon was fucking convinced.

[619] Dude, I was so sick.

[620] I was sicker than I've ever been in December telling you I got it.

[621] Nothing.

[622] And then I told my wife and she's like, oh, those, none of those tests are working anyway.

[623] That's not true.

[624] It's like, you got to believe in the testing.

[625] I've been swabbed.

[626] I've been, I saw you get the swabbed.

[627] That did not look fun.

[628] Yeah, I got it.

[629] You were rocked.

[630] Yeah, it's, uh, it just tickles.

[631] It's like, oh.

[632] You were messed up for like 15 minutes.

[633] You were kind of like, who.

[634] No. You looked weird.

[635] No. You're exaggerating.

[636] Uh -uh.

[637] Yes, you are.

[638] You were playing pool.

[639] You were like, hmm.

[640] This felt weird.

[641] No, I told you it irritates you for 15 minutes, but it's not that bad.

[642] I wasn't acting weird.

[643] If I, if it wasn't for the pandemic, I would have had to hold you as you cried.

[644] I was weeping in the inside.

[645] That makes you feel better.

[646] I had it done again on Sunday, though, and it was way easier.

[647] I think my right nostril is less sensitive than my less nostril, if that makes any sense.

[648] Well, she said as she was going in, where I'm basically touching your brain.

[649] Yeah.

[650] Well, but they did it again on my right nostril on Sunday, and it was nothing.

[651] Interesting.

[652] It's weird.

[653] I really think I have a. sensitive nostril.

[654] Oh, that's weird.

[655] Well, it's been broken.

[656] This fucking nose is useless.

[657] How many times?

[658] Oh, who knows?

[659] Broke it first when I was five.

[660] Fell down to fly stairs when I was five.

[661] Wow.

[662] I've had broken noses ever since then.

[663] Like, no bullshit.

[664] Like, seriously.

[665] I've never broken my nose.

[666] Ever?

[667] Not once.

[668] Jamie can't head about you.

[669] We could film a great TikTok video.

[670] That'd be great.

[671] Yeah.

[672] We'll go viral.

[673] Have you broken anything?

[674] The only thing I broke was I broke a collarbone A rib Once when I was surfing And learning to surf And it went right into my gut And then I broke the top of my foot One of the bones on the top of my foot Those are weird right Because they can't do shit about them Can't do anything Except stop you from playing He just walk fucked up for a month and a half Did you break your collarbone or just a rib Just a rib Oh Just a rib Yeah I know a dude who had a fake collarbone He had a metal plate because his collarbone was so shattered in a motorcycle accident that they had to replace it.

[675] So he had like a steel plate in place of his collarbone.

[676] That's weird.

[677] It said it hurt like hell when it got cold out.

[678] Oh, really?

[679] Yeah, because it's a metal piece in your fucking shoulder.

[680] That's not good.

[681] Collarbone's a weird one.

[682] It is a strange one.

[683] You know what's weird?

[684] I've never seen anybody break it in all the years I've seen fights.

[685] Oh, that's interesting because it's pretty delicate.

[686] I would think so.

[687] I remember someone saying that.

[688] They're like, if I was over in a fight, I'd just punch somebody in the collarball.

[689] I'm like, yeah, I don't think that's going to work.

[690] I love how everybody walks around just with their one move in their head.

[691] And when that goes south, the look of panic in their face when it doesn't worry.

[692] Right.

[693] Yeah.

[694] I'll just grab them by the balls and pull.

[695] Dude, I woke up this morning and I spent the first hour of my day watching Russian slap fighting videos.

[696] Of course you did.

[697] It might be the dumbest thing that's going on today.

[698] Slap fighting?

[699] Yeah, they just stand in, you know what it is?

[700] No. Oh, is that when the two guys, it looks like they're going to arm wrestle?

[701] They just stand in front of each other, and they let each other slap each other in the face.

[702] And first of all, whoever goes first has such a monster advantage.

[703] Yeah, of course.

[704] Because they cao each other all the time.

[705] There's these huge guys, and they swing from the hip, and the other guy doesn't even move.

[706] And they open palm strike each other in the face.

[707] I spent an hour today.

[708] Is this new, or was this like an old tradition?

[709] Russian tradition.

[710] I don't know.

[711] I don't know how long it's been around for.

[712] I think the first time I watched it was like about a year or two ago, maybe.

[713] I don't remember.

[714] But it was this morning.

[715] It was the fucking...

[716] Just slap you right in the head.

[717] It was the thing de jure.

[718] It's funny.

[719] What makes you when you wake up think, you know, I'm going to look up?

[720] Like when you first pick up your device.

[721] Because I remember there was this one video of a bunch of people standing around.

[722] And this guy slapped this guy and chaos.

[723] him and all the people that were standing around were like what and they thought it was cool I was like that might be the only time where people think it's cool to be right next to someone who got violent brain trauma yeah and I was trying to find that video because it was such a strange video right there was I don't remember if there's a table or not but all the people were standing around and they were laughing and smiling while this guy went unconscious and I was like that's so odd right Like, do they not know, do they not know that this is really bad?

[724] Some terrible things just happen to this guy?

[725] Like, they think it's funny.

[726] They're laughing.

[727] Yeah, yeah.

[728] No idea.

[729] Well, it's almost like it's not real because he's slapping because it's not a punch.

[730] Like if he kicked him in the head.

[731] And the same thing happened.

[732] He goes unconscious and falls about people like, oh my God, oh my God, they'd be freaked out.

[733] But instead, they slap each other and everyone's like, ha, ha, ha.

[734] Like, what the fuck is that?

[735] No sitting on the beach.

[736] Yeah.

[737] Those are the people you're talking to.

[738] Yeah, it's one of those weird things.

[739] I'm like, how did this become okay?

[740] Yeah.

[741] Where you just full brain trauma.

[742] I mean, you can see their head snap.

[743] You see their head wiggle and the brain sloshing around inside their noggin.

[744] Yeah.

[745] Well, it's like in any fight, right?

[746] If you're watching a fight.

[747] What is this one here, Jamie?

[748] Oh, here goes one.

[749] A new one.

[750] This guy's 6 -7 on the left.

[751] He's a former MMA fighter for Brazil, it says.

[752] Oh, my God.

[753] This is all Russia?

[754] They put powder in their hands, too.

[755] Oh, my goodness.

[756] He didn't even move.

[757] Yeah.

[758] Oh, my goodness.

[759] Oof.

[760] They put a lot of fucking force in that, too.

[761] Look at the size of his neck, though.

[762] This guy's powder.

[763] Why do they powder up their hands?

[764] He has no neck.

[765] To show the mark where they leave the sweat off?

[766] Look this.

[767] Here we go.

[768] They're miced up, too.

[769] Here we go.

[770] Oh, my goodness.

[771] Oh, he took it.

[772] Oh.

[773] Why do they?

[774] It's so stupid.

[775] I don't know why they're looking at the powder.

[776] I don't understand why they're doing it.

[777] He's right, he slid his ear down.

[778] Hold on a second.

[779] Back that up.

[780] There's rules.

[781] Hold on.

[782] He is right.

[783] He slid his ear down.

[784] It was a foul.

[785] He slid his, oh, because you can't mess with the guy's ear.

[786] What?

[787] He probably moved his head down when he was in mid -swing.

[788] When I was a young slapper, one of the techniques would be get his ear and bring it down towards the chin.

[789] Oh, they have rules.

[790] Okay, let me see the rules here.

[791] Oh, one more time.

[792] Wait, they're not barbarians.

[793] he's going to smack him again.

[794] Oh, my goodness.

[795] They're also doing this in a prison, by the way.

[796] Oh, of course they are.

[797] He looks fucked up there.

[798] Oh, the audience.

[799] He's spitting a tooth out.

[800] Is he?

[801] It looked like spitting something out.

[802] Oh, he got rocked.

[803] Oh, do you need a doctor?

[804] Do you need a doctor?

[805] He asked him.

[806] How do you ask someone?

[807] And they shake hands.

[808] Now we're cool.

[809] Shake hands.

[810] Spelling salts.

[811] Powdered sugar all over his face.

[812] And now he's coming in for another hit.

[813] This is, oh, God.

[814] This is without being stated.

[815] home.

[816] This is how bored they are.

[817] Look at the swing.

[818] It's a big dude.

[819] Mm -hmm.

[820] Here it comes.

[821] One, two.

[822] Oh, my goodness.

[823] He got him in the ear.

[824] Is that all right?

[825] What are the rules?

[826] The guy's holding on to the desk for dear life.

[827] Is that legal?

[828] There's no rules.

[829] There's a 30 -minute video stuff.

[830] There's no, it's 30 minutes.

[831] He punched him really good.

[832] He punched him really good.

[833] These are the people you're going to explain.

[834] successful hits oh come on really i said one verse two earlier no i just think they're just doing this until one guy drops this little chubby and i'm getting on the black eye he's he's taking these so much better the other guy seems like he's oh my god there's so much force of that oh my god it's just so great it was good it was good hit it was good smacked you in the i love the trend and they're shaking hands i like it bro i like it like what you did to me there oh look at the side of that guy's face Look, he's sweating.

[835] He's sweating.

[836] He knows he's going out.

[837] Look at him gripping the table.

[838] Look at him gripping the table.

[839] Watch this.

[840] He knows it's like a truck about to hit him in the head.

[841] This is the rap right here.

[842] He ain't going to make this.

[843] Beah!

[844] Wow, he's still there.

[845] He's holding on for dear life.

[846] He's still there.

[847] Barely.

[848] Thumbs up.

[849] He's fine.

[850] Yes, okay.

[851] I close my eyes.

[852] Fuck you, man. You scared the shot out of me. What?

[853] Scared the shut out?

[854] It might be a bad translation.

[855] No, it's perfect.

[856] That's how you said it.

[857] That means there are three hits in each side.

[858] Oh, my goodness.

[859] They're like holding them up.

[860] So you take three shots the same place.

[861] Have you ever been slapped in the face before?

[862] Not like that.

[863] Oh, my God.

[864] Oh, this keeps going for a while.

[865] How long?

[866] Oh, my God.

[867] This is a 30 -minute video.

[868] Yeah.

[869] Oh, my God.

[870] Someone's going out.

[871] Scooch that up.

[872] His flight last...

[873] Yeah, that's where I was trying to get to the end.

[874] I think that was it.

[875] That's it?

[876] Yeah, I don't think anyone went out.

[877] They gave up?

[878] Wow.

[879] It was great.

[880] Great fight.

[881] It was great fight.

[882] And look how you slapped me, I slap you.

[883] You slapped me. I slab you.

[884] We slap very good.

[885] Good Lord.

[886] I can't betray MMA.

[887] Oh, I'm so happy to take part in this show.

[888] Interesting format, but I can't betray MMA.

[889] I am such a successful sportsman and I know how to fight right.

[890] Thank you so much for invitation.

[891] It was an honor to fight against such a legend.

[892] he is your champ I would love to come back so apparently he flew in he flew in to smack the Russian guy and the Russian guy smacked him back and he earned respect respect yeah there's so many of these videos man you could do this all day you could just watch guys slap each other all day do they get knocked out oh yeah and when they do it's spectacular put up the one that I put on my Instagram today because that one is a dude who has his eyeballs tattooed I was starting to see they got money for that They got a 150 ,000 ruble prize, which is like $30 ,000.

[893] $2 ,000.

[894] I want to see, put up the one from my Instagram today.

[895] There's one enormous guy, and another guy looks like he might have lifted weights once in high school.

[896] Once.

[897] It's such a mismatch.

[898] Whoever sanctioned this is a real asshole because they got this kid.

[899] That's the same guy.

[900] Yeah, back it up, back it up.

[901] Oh, yeah, the same dude.

[902] Okay, just play it again because watch it.

[903] Because watch this guy, he has no force.

[904] Look at this.

[905] Yeah, it's just, nothing.

[906] It's a drive -by.

[907] Nothing.

[908] So this guy apparently is the champ.

[909] So he bitch -slapped the champ.

[910] They let him get the first slap.

[911] And that was like a, that was a little lady slap.

[912] But watch what Homeboy does to him.

[913] This is horrific.

[914] This is horrific.

[915] First of all, look how little that guy is.

[916] He's so little.

[917] Look at his neck.

[918] Why does he look so weird?

[919] Because he's got tattoos everyone.

[920] His eyeballs are tattooed.

[921] Oh, God.

[922] So look at his eyeball.

[923] Dijs!

[924] Oh.

[925] Bro.

[926] That guy.

[927] doesn't remember anything about childhood now all that stuff's been erased oh my god he's like it was like a sketch it looks like shake you want to clear the screen more time watch this again nothing little slap he slept me i barely notice slept now watch the fucking thunder is boom these guys know how to do it too that guy really does he hit it with the fingers he weighs like 500 pounds he's enormous he he slap him with the fingers where the other guy is going to use the palm of his hand.

[928] He's going to really catch him.

[929] Oh, God.

[930] This kid.

[931] Boom!

[932] It looks like his head came off.

[933] Yeah, it looks like he's shot.

[934] It looks like he's been shot.

[935] When his hat falls off, it's like his head just exploded.

[936] Oh, teeth are coming out.

[937] This is, oh, good Lord.

[938] Imagine that guy.

[939] First of all, that guy looks like he's never even punched someone.

[940] The way he did it was so.

[941] Yeah, he's like a little kid.

[942] It looks like a skater kid.

[943] He's a sad guy.

[944] That's where he's got all those fucked up tattoos on his face and everything.

[945] He's probably emotionally disturbed and they talked him into it.

[946] My friend, you could be great to slap fighter of all the time.

[947] You could be the one.

[948] Did you say a street -by video going around?

[949] Lost two days?

[950] Good Lord.

[951] Yeah, the guy.

[952] No. No, what you should see is my friend Robin Blacks, a takedown of it.

[953] Put up Robin Blacks from his Instagram because he had some great lines in it.

[954] What is?

[955] This is fucking two dudes who look like they're all.

[956] methed out they get in a street fight yeah play it give me some volume on this Robin black one minute breakdown neighborhood karate shirtless Steve versus street Steve shirtless skip kick tappa tapa block five punch combination with a round kick chaser and now for the street elegance watch this What the fuck modified spinning Crescent kick to a bevy of punches including the gin fizz uppercut that stuns shirtless Steve and now Bink deliver damage for the win Shortless Steve assumed the after -school Shodakin's stance versus the Street Steve Tournament Karate Special.

[957] An unfocused entry brings Steve into range for the street surge and the acid reflux special.

[958] Boop.

[959] More knuckles plus a converse kick now.

[960] Behold the spin.

[961] Full rotation of the body he'll look over his shoulder, find the target and fire off a spinning hook kick, but years of meth and inactivity will bind the hips so he'll settle for the Crescent kick.

[962] Another angle?

[963] Okay.

[964] There's two angles.

[965] Oh, years?

[966] The heart of the instincts are still strong in Steve.

[967] The guy gets kicked to the face.

[968] He's like, uh -oh.

[969] And now the finisher.

[970] No, wait.

[971] False start.

[972] Let's line this bastard up.

[973] Last call for liver delivery.

[974] Bink.

[975] That's right, friends.

[976] We're living in a world of total documentation.

[977] We've got the overhead cam, too.

[978] How crazy is that?

[979] The street fight has two angles.

[980] Oh, my God.

[981] But I love years of meth and inactivity behind the hips.

[982] Because Robin Black, my friend who did this video, who did the narration.

[983] He does real break.

[984] of actual fights he's a martial arts expert he knows what he's doing yeah so the fact that he does this occasionally he does him for everything he'll do it for like bugs fighting he does it for all kinds of shit but he'll also do it for like world -class fights he does him for bellator oh my god it's hilarious years of inactivity and meth will bind the hips i was going to ask if he did the murder hornet and pray mantis and he did do it did oh put it on i haven't seen it i haven't seen it he's murder hornets are bad news prey manis is fuck up everything we're lucky they're little they would kill us all It's going to beat the murder hornet?

[985] Oh, yeah, for sure.

[986] It got bad.

[987] Parenthoods has beat up everything.

[988] Really?

[989] They kill rat.

[990] It's fun of the championships.

[991] Kung Fu Mantis versus Murder Hornet.

[992] Look how quickly.

[993] Whoa.

[994] Muantis will dominate by exploiting a structural truth of murder hornet's anatomical shape.

[995] The connective path of Hornet's head, thorax, an abdomen create a curve with directional limitations for movement.

[996] By gripping the outer curve, Kung Fu Mantis stays beyond and behind stinging distance.

[997] Reach as he might, murder hornet simply cannot inject his venom into.

[998] Kung Fu Mantis but make no mistake he's fighting for his life.

[999] The mantis just hasn't.

[1000] Wobbles.

[1001] Free his head, but Mantis adjusts his grip slicing with his tibial spines to regain his positional preeminence.

[1002] My friends, this is not for the faint of heart.

[1003] In nature, the flesh and tissues of one feeds the body of another.

[1004] Kung Fu Mantis is dining on Murder Hornet.

[1005] He's him alive.

[1006] Mantis eats in a quest to simply continue his existence and Murder Hornet continues to thrash to preserve his.

[1007] Oh my God.

[1008] Even as a sentience leaves him, his instincts of self -preservation are powerful.

[1009] A mighty reach with his weapon and a search for leverage or texture wherever it may exist.

[1010] He's just eating his head.

[1011] From the back, forward.

[1012] Crazy eyeball first.

[1013] Oh.

[1014] He's ate his whole head.

[1015] But meanwhile, the bee's still alive.

[1016] It's eating like a corn on the cob.

[1017] Like an apple.

[1018] any brain matter he had the size of two grains of sand is gone but the instincts to survive remain and as his body dissembles perhaps we see the beauty here we see the elegant nature of life on earth we feel the mighty grip of existence i don't know if i feel good that murder hornets can get schooled or that pray mantises exist i love both things i love it we need to just make more mantises and release them on these fucking pussy ass murder hornets yeah holy cow praying mantises are god damn I'm terrifying.

[1019] They get everything.

[1020] They get everything.

[1021] You've ever seen them get hummingbirds?

[1022] He didn't even think for a second.

[1023] He just got it.

[1024] Yeah, he's like, bitch, what?

[1025] Yeah, he was one move.

[1026] They have so much leverage in those claws, those weird fucking shape things.

[1027] Those weird shaped things are just designed to hold shit so they can cut it in half.

[1028] And eat its head.

[1029] Bro.

[1030] It eats hummingbirds.

[1031] They eat hummingbirds.

[1032] Holy shit.

[1033] Here, watch this.

[1034] So this hummingbird is like doesn't know what that is.

[1035] It's just things.

[1036] Oh, it's on the bird feeder.

[1037] And I'm just hanging out.

[1038] and this thing's on the bird feeder, but I'm sure it's nothing, nothing to worry about, and watch how it moves.

[1039] Watch how quick it is.

[1040] The praying mantis is just, arms cocked.

[1041] But the movement, watch this.

[1042] Bia!

[1043] Oh, it got a hummingbird by its head!

[1044] It doesn't give a fuck.

[1045] They're so strong.

[1046] Oh, my God.

[1047] Praying mantises are so strong.

[1048] His back legs are just hanging on the bird feeder, and his front is eating a bird.

[1049] Yeah, and just drop down with it.

[1050] Now, here's the thing, if you had arms, like proportionate arms, Like look how small the arms are and how you would imagine like god, they can't be strong They have to be weak their levers their levers and also their insect levers with an exoskeleton And they have preposterous amounts of strength relative to their size like if you ever seen ants carry things off Yeah like it's ridiculous there's so much stronger right proportionately yeah we are and we are so lucky Do you remember Starship troopers look at this guy's let's guys get involved in this guy metal yeah the guy saved the hummingbirds Like, that's, fuck.

[1051] The little points of contact for its little legs to be holding on to that.

[1052] Crazy.

[1053] Plus, the bird's trying to fly away and it's like, you're staying here.

[1054] Yeah, it's like, no bitch.

[1055] Good Lord.

[1056] It's crazy.

[1057] They're so strong.

[1058] That is insanity.

[1059] You don't realize how strong they are until, you see, we have this thing in our head where we see something and we think of ourselves and we think of, like, size.

[1060] Oh, that's probably weaker than the other thing.

[1061] Right.

[1062] That's its size.

[1063] We compare ourselves.

[1064] But have you ever been around a chimpanzee?

[1065] Have you ever, like, had a chimp, touch a chimp, like a baby?

[1066] No. On news radio once, we had a baby chimp, and it had diapers.

[1067] It was like two years old.

[1068] And it was there for some scene that we wind up not even using.

[1069] But I played with this chip.

[1070] And so I'm holding them, and it's really heavy for this little thing.

[1071] But it feels like it's made out of wood.

[1072] Like, it's so dense.

[1073] And that's where I had it in my head.

[1074] And it was hitting me in the back.

[1075] And I was like, oh, my.

[1076] God, you know, was playing with me, but I was like, this is so strong.

[1077] And this is a baby, a little baby.

[1078] But it gives you this understanding, like, oh, I have a distorted idea of what it is.

[1079] Because I think it's like me, but little.

[1080] What's strong is.

[1081] But it's not.

[1082] It's a totally different kind of thing.

[1083] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1084] It's like the density of its tissue.

[1085] It's made of monkey parts.

[1086] It's made of preposterously strong material.

[1087] Jeez, Louise.

[1088] And that ain't shit compared to a praying mantis.

[1089] If a praying mantis was the size of a chimp, the chick.

[1090] camp would be fucked.

[1091] That's what's weird about them.

[1092] We're lucky they're little.

[1093] Do you remember Starship Troopers?

[1094] Yeah.

[1095] They were like giant praying mantises.

[1096] They killed everybody.

[1097] Wait, what?

[1098] Remember the bugs?

[1099] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1100] Those giant bugs that came out of the ground.

[1101] They basically were like a giant praying mantas or a beetle or some shit.

[1102] What were the bugs like?

[1103] I don't remember what they looked like.

[1104] I just remember them being giant.

[1105] Yeah, look at that.

[1106] Bro, it literally is a giant mantis.

[1107] Yeah, he's got levers.

[1108] Oh, it's a little.

[1109] They're different kinds of bugs.

[1110] Yeah, they're like beetles.

[1111] They had all kinds.

[1112] This was a movie in the 90s or something, right?

[1113] Yeah, 97.

[1114] Yeah.

[1115] Whatever happened to that dude, who was the head guy.

[1116] Casper Vendium.

[1117] He's maybe one of the most handsome people that ever walked to face the earth.

[1118] He's so perfect.

[1119] What happened to him?

[1120] He's beautiful.

[1121] Yeah, look at him.

[1122] Oh, yeah.

[1123] That's him now.

[1124] Even now, today, at age 51.

[1125] Starship Troopers 2017.

[1126] There was a Starship Troopers 2017.

[1127] There's, wait a minute.

[1128] There was Starship Troopers 3?

[1129] There's a lot of them, I think.

[1130] What?

[1131] Come on.

[1132] How is that possible?

[1133] And he was in all of them.

[1134] What?

[1135] Yeah.

[1136] Show me a video from Starship Troopers 2017.

[1137] I need to see that.

[1138] Is there a video?

[1139] Trader of Mars.

[1140] Go to videos.

[1141] Oh, here we go.

[1142] Oh, boy.

[1143] It's in Mars.

[1144] Oh, no, it's a cartoon.

[1145] Oh, it's fake.

[1146] You fake fucks.

[1147] Oh, is it a video game?

[1148] No, I don't think so.

[1149] I think it's just a CGI.

[1150] It was earlier.

[1151] C .G .I. Movie.

[1152] Oh, wow.

[1153] Oh, the whole movie.

[1154] Oh, it's like the beginning of a video game.

[1155] Isn't it crazy that a CGI movie now is actually cheaper than doing a movie with CGI?

[1156] You can do the whole thing in CGI now?

[1157] Yeah.

[1158] Like that.

[1159] That's how they're making movies right now because you can't go into production.

[1160] Oh, that's going to be the death of all actors.

[1161] Yeah.

[1162] How many actors are losing their fucking minds now?

[1163] They're so fragile as it is.

[1164] It's got to be weird.

[1165] Yeah.

[1166] Imagine if you were dating a crazy actress.

[1167] and she was hot, but he stuck around, but even though you knew she was a mess, and now the quarantine, there's no auditions.

[1168] She's just going crazy.

[1169] All her real hair colors coming out.

[1170] Oh, my God.

[1171] Hey, thanks for signing my book, Joe.

[1172] I didn't sign your book, bitch.

[1173] No, but you put a quote on the back.

[1174] Oh, that's right I did.

[1175] And it comes out today, right?

[1176] It comes out today.

[1177] You just segued into book sales, did you?

[1178] I did.

[1179] I did.

[1180] It means a lot.

[1181] It means a lot that you did this.

[1182] Oh, please.

[1183] I love you.

[1184] It says you're doing great.

[1185] Yep, you're doing great.

[1186] And other reasons to stay alive.

[1187] Yeah, you are.

[1188] It's just relative.

[1189] Some people are doing it.

[1190] Well, not everybody.

[1191] And other reasons to stay alive.

[1192] I had no idea how relevant it was going to be when I wrote it.

[1193] I'm in lofty company here on the book.

[1194] Pat and Oswald, Matt Damon and Whitney Cummings.

[1195] Yeah.

[1196] You have some powerful friends.

[1197] All good people.

[1198] Dude, this is a real long book.

[1199] How long you take you to write this bitch?

[1200] A year and a half.

[1201] Really?

[1202] Yeah.

[1203] How many pages?

[1204] About 300?

[1205] Wow.

[1206] Yeah, you're doing great and other reasons to stay alive.

[1207] I had to do the audio book.

[1208] I had to sneak in during quarantine.

[1209] How'd you sneak in?

[1210] It was like the first week, and I had to drive to a secret location and go in and read the book.

[1211] And I had my Apple Watch on.

[1212] Did you do it illegally?

[1213] I guess technically.

[1214] You had an Apple Watch on?

[1215] Yes.

[1216] It alerted me when I got there.

[1217] That what?

[1218] That I should be staying home.

[1219] What?

[1220] Cut the shit.

[1221] Uh -huh.

[1222] What did say?

[1223] said reminder stay at home order uh everybody stay you do stay so your watch is kind of ratting you out uh -huh yeah time to switch to samson i know as soon as i got there because i felt weird going anyway but i had to get the audio book done it was just going to be me and the producer with a mask on and i got to the spot and i was driving and it was like you know the first couple of days so it was really quiet out there was nobody and i'm just cruising along and park in the parking lot go into the thing and bling on my watch.

[1224] Reminder stay at home order.

[1225] If you in your car, your Tesla would have argued with it.

[1226] Shut up, pussy.

[1227] We're trying to make America great.

[1228] We challenge you.

[1229] You're infringing on my civil liberties.

[1230] Let me out.

[1231] I don't like that.

[1232] But it was weird, because I was reading the book.

[1233] You have to read your whole book in like two days.

[1234] Sorry to go back.

[1235] And there were parts of the book that were like so on point of what's going on.

[1236] Like I talk about this thing about animals coming to attack us, like I always run into animals that are attacking me. And then I get the whole last part is, I don't want to start talking about germs.

[1237] E. coli, Ebola, all these germs we haven't heard of yet coming for us that we don't have antibiotics for, like stuff like that.

[1238] I do this whole run on cruise ships.

[1239] You're never going to get me on one of those cruise ships.

[1240] They're filled with disease.

[1241] And I'm reading the book in pandemic.

[1242] Yeah.

[1243] That's crazy.

[1244] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1245] Tim Dillon was here a couple weeks going ahead, an epic rant on cruise ships.

[1246] Oh, really?

[1247] We found out while he was here, we found out while he was here that it costs $25 a week to be on one of those cruise ships.

[1248] What does that mean?

[1249] It cost $25 a week for someone to be on.

[1250] Isn't that what it was?

[1251] It was like $100 for a four -day cruise.

[1252] It was like $25 a day.

[1253] Normally it was like $1 ,000 or $2 ,000 or something crazy.

[1254] That's right.

[1255] It was like $100.

[1256] It was more than a four -day cruise.

[1257] It was like five to seven.

[1258] It's like Mexico or wherever it was.

[1259] Right.

[1260] So, okay, we broke it down to how many dollars it was a day.

[1261] Right.

[1262] So it was like.

[1263] I'm confused, though.

[1264] Less than, it was less than $20 a day, right?

[1265] What the cost of what you do?

[1266] To be on a cruise ship.

[1267] Uh -huh.

[1268] It's better than being homeless.

[1269] Oh.

[1270] We're like, how many homeless people just go on a cruise ship because it's all you can eat?

[1271] Right.

[1272] You could really get fat.

[1273] You could go crazy and get fat Because apparently I bet If I had a guess I've never been on a cruise ship But I think that the way they make The way they make their money Is the booze, right?

[1274] Yeah, I'm sure.

[1275] So they trick you into going Oh, and you have to pay for the booze I think so I don't think they can give you free booze I don't know You probably get like one drink for free Right, like a drink ticket Yeah Yeah And then you're just on there Oh Once you start going on a bender You just rack up that credit card Oh my God They're disgusting without a pandemic you just I've never been on one I've never had a desire to be on one my kids wanted to go on one there's a Disney cruise I'm like fuck off I know you don't know shit you're six we're not going on a goddamn Disney cruise I'm like I go to Disneyland and you can leave when you want you're going to cruise you're stuck in the middle of the ocean with a bunch of wackos do you ever hear that comedian that was that came on the boat after the last entertainer molested somebody sexually assaulted someone up on deck so they wouldn't let the performers up on deck.

[1276] What?

[1277] Entertainer, some like other comic or somebody got a little handsy.

[1278] It was locked down.

[1279] So this guy shows up.

[1280] I forget who it was.

[1281] A comedian shows up on the boat.

[1282] And he's told, you can't go above deck.

[1283] You've got to stay down in the quarters with the crew.

[1284] So he has to stay in his room, in his quarters, and his room opened up, and the stage door was across the hallway.

[1285] So he was just sitting down there for days.

[1286] then they came knocked on the door time to perform he walks out onto stage in front of a thousand people good night everybody it's over he goes back into his hole like a hamster like a rodeo oh my god what comic was that i forget who it was oh my god that's awful oh so brutal i would never ever ever couldn't do it the only person i know who enjoys those is alonzo but alonzo Bowden does, he does jazz cruises.

[1287] Yes, I know.

[1288] It's different.

[1289] It's totally, and he hangs out with the musicians.

[1290] Yes, he loves jazz.

[1291] It loves it.

[1292] So for him, it's like, you know, like if you went on a baking cruise, if you went on a bread cruise, it's all just the best breadmakers in the world.

[1293] I would do that.

[1294] Would you?

[1295] I probably would.

[1296] How many great breadmakers are there?

[1297] Could you fill up a cruise ship?

[1298] You couldn't, but you could fill it up with the people who want to learn.

[1299] You definitely could do that.

[1300] Right.

[1301] So it could be like baking lessons.

[1302] and and then just the bakers.

[1303] Yeah.

[1304] My Instagram, my social media has just been bread tutorials since the pandemic.

[1305] Really?

[1306] A hundred, all my whole feed is people, because I just before it happened, this is a plug for my YouTube, I put all my videos on YouTube showing people how to bake bread.

[1307] Because from doing this show, everybody who's like considers me this bread maker.

[1308] You're the bread guy.

[1309] Yeah.

[1310] So I put up this, I just put up these tutorials of how to bake bread.

[1311] make it and then the pandemic hit and people couldn't get yeast so they just started flooding to my youtube and sending pictures now every day i get pictures thanks tom here's my first effort people like one on one like why do you come out flat and i feel like i should answer them so i changed my whole podcast my whole podcast now is uh breaking bread with tom i talk to you about this yeah yeah you got to come on it i would love to i use sagora was the first one was he yeah oh that's awesome And it just went up.

[1312] So are you filming at the All Things Comedy Place?

[1313] We're going to.

[1314] Where are you filming it now?

[1315] Well, right now we, Tom and I did it remotely.

[1316] We had cameras on both of us.

[1317] That's for shit.

[1318] You need to get together.

[1319] I know.

[1320] Who's the place?

[1321] I did Alonzo.

[1322] Who scared the germs?

[1323] Tom.

[1324] I don't think, I think it was a scheduling thing.

[1325] Yeah.

[1326] Maybe it's Tom.

[1327] I would have done it.

[1328] I just gotten tested by you.

[1329] Yes, thank God.

[1330] Yeah.

[1331] So Alonzo had also.

[1332] So Alonzo and I did one.

[1333] That's going to come out next week.

[1334] And I'm just going to create a set, you know, Remember Billy Crystal on Saturday Night Live, the You Look Marvelous guy?

[1335] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1336] And he's just in like that Italian booth like at Mousseau and Franks.

[1337] Oh, yeah.

[1338] That's going to be my set.

[1339] Musso and Franks?

[1340] Because it's breaking bread.

[1341] It's just sitting like an old Italian restaurant.

[1342] Yeah, like when we sit with food and wine.

[1343] Yeah, look at that.

[1344] It's going to be like.

[1345] I think I'm going to do it like that.

[1346] I forgot how fun that was, that you look marvelous thing.

[1347] It was so good.

[1348] That was like when I was a child.

[1349] Yes, we were kids.

[1350] Remember when he had Howard Cosell on?

[1351] In the 80s, 81 maybe?

[1352] Oh, wow.

[1353] Was it really?

[1354] I think so.

[1355] He had Howard Cosell is like a great one.

[1356] I just love that set and that, I love that.

[1357] 85, so that's the year I graduated high school.

[1358] Oh, yeah.

[1359] Right before me. Yeah, yeah.

[1360] Little baby.

[1361] You look marvelous.

[1362] You look marvelous.

[1363] Billy Crystal.

[1364] He was a handsome little fellow when he was young.

[1365] He was.

[1366] Look at that face.

[1367] He really was.

[1368] Remember that movie he did about the really depressing comedian?

[1369] Mr. Saturday Night?

[1370] Mr. Sunday night?

[1371] Yes.

[1372] I hated it.

[1373] I remember I went to see it.

[1374] I was on the road.

[1375] And I went to see it during, like, during the daytime before the show, by myself.

[1376] I remember leaving going, this is not how comedians are.

[1377] Like, what the fuck are you hanging out with, Billy?

[1378] Jesus Christ, most of my friends are comedians, like, this is the thing.

[1379] That was the movie.

[1380] Yeah.

[1381] There's a thing about comedians that people always want to think that we're depressed and angry in real life.

[1382] Yes.

[1383] That's not true.

[1384] Very dark people.

[1385] But isn't that a weird stereotype?

[1386] It is weird.

[1387] Think about all the people that we know.

[1388] Think about like Segura and Alonzo.

[1389] Like if you and I, if we were talking with no camera, we would talk just like this.

[1390] No different.

[1391] We'd be talking shit.

[1392] We'd be laughing.

[1393] Absolutely no different.

[1394] We're not brooding.

[1395] I'm not a brooding guy.

[1396] No. And I know there are a few, but I think they're the minority.

[1397] I think so, too.

[1398] I'm thinking about the guys that I hang with in New York, like Colin and Norton and Robert Kelly and those guys.

[1399] And they're not, they're a little darker, but I would say what people think is that everyone's brooding and dark.

[1400] But, I mean, they're the most joyful people.

[1401] When I hang with them, it's nothing but laughs.

[1402] They're complicated, though.

[1403] Yeah, well, Norton's very complicated.

[1404] Comedians are complicated.

[1405] Right, they're busy heads.

[1406] Well, Norton is complicated, and Norton also spent a long time on the Ope and Anthony show, which was the whole thing about that show was being a wreck.

[1407] That was the hook.

[1408] It was talking shit.

[1409] It was a shit -talking fest.

[1410] I mean, people said the most preposterous things just to get a reaction.

[1411] Yeah.

[1412] You know, and then, like, there's something about those days.

[1413] where, you know, especially like the early 2000s and the late 90s, I guess, people said the most awful things to make other comics laugh.

[1414] And if you took that stuff out of context, that's a gross thing that people do, that little gotcha thing, where people like to take things that someone said on one of those shows out of context.

[1415] Like, I'm sure Norton has said a bunch of horrific things that he wish he never said.

[1416] But he said them so that one, you or I or Patrice or.

[1417] Patrice or Bill Burr or whoever the fuck or Anthony, we would all be laughing.

[1418] But it's not because he means it.

[1419] No. There's a real grossness to that sort of going after people for old, ridiculous things they said on radio shows.

[1420] Especially comedians.

[1421] Especially that kind of culture like you're saying.

[1422] The whole thing was it was like a roast every night and like a classic roast every night.

[1423] Every night.

[1424] Which is these are the hardest.

[1425] These are the funniest people on the planet.

[1426] the only thing that's going to make them laugh is surprise and the only way to surprise them is to say something no one would say exactly no one you got to go super hard yeah to surprise patrice o 'neill with something comedically yeah or you gotta reach deep you want to shock norton yeah right exactly and good lord and the other offensive part of that got you kind of thing which i don't think these guys have had to i don't think they've come after them so much but anyway i think uh when you hung with them, when you were there, it was love.

[1427] It was just pure love.

[1428] These guys cared about each other so deeply and would say the most horrible.

[1429] You would say something to Rich Voss that was like, oh, my.

[1430] I was just going to bring a Rich Voss.

[1431] What are you doing?

[1432] He was the guy that was always the nail.

[1433] Some people were the hammer.

[1434] Voss was almost always the nail.

[1435] But he relished it.

[1436] Oh, because he's, I mean, talk about a naturally funny human being.

[1437] He is so quick.

[1438] So quick.

[1439] So naturally funny.

[1440] And also takes a joke as good as anybody that's ever lived.

[1441] Takes it right on the chin like those slap fighting guys.

[1442] And I don't know friends that loved each other more than Norton to Voss to Colin to Robert.

[1443] No. That was a special time, the opening of three days.

[1444] It was really special.

[1445] Yeah.

[1446] It definitely dipped into stuff.

[1447] Like if you just rolled into that show out of context in your car when it was on terrestrial radio, I'm sure it must have spun people.

[1448] heads around like well some people came in as guests and didn't understand it and I was there for a few of those yeah and it was horrendous for them I remember watching these like like sort of sitcomy actors who didn't know it was coming yeah and they would hey on their press tour especially once they had gotten over to serious XM and it was just like fucking no holes bar language everything and then there were people that would come on there who were surprisingly cool, like Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer would come on.

[1449] Yes.

[1450] So cool, roll with the punches kind of guys.

[1451] I'm really good friends with Dr. Phil's son.

[1452] Oh, yeah?

[1453] Dr. Phil is great.

[1454] Oh, yeah?

[1455] I would have never imagined.

[1456] He is the easiest going, nicest guy.

[1457] I had him on the podcast.

[1458] He's fucking great.

[1459] Yeah, that's the vibe.

[1460] I was on the show with him, like in the later years.

[1461] And, yeah, he seemed like a very cool guy.

[1462] He's a lot of fun.

[1463] What did he catch with the beginning of the corona stuff?

[1464] There was a lot of, they were saying that he was, he was one of the guys that they were saying isn't a scientist, and he had made some comments.

[1465] What did he say?

[1466] I don't know.

[1467] He said something.

[1468] Maybe he was about, that on the side of this isn't a, we shouldn't be overreacting, I think is the gist of it.

[1469] Well, he's a psychologist, right?

[1470] Yeah, which is probably the mental health maybe of what was, what the lockdown would cause, something like that.

[1471] I think if you want to look at things from a psychologist's perspective, I want to talk to a psychologist about the mindset of people that panic in pandemics.

[1472] Because this is, I mean, when it comes to pandemics, this is a fairly mild one.

[1473] Yeah.

[1474] I mean, I hate to say that to anybody that lost loved ones or anybody that's currently sick.

[1475] Yeah.

[1476] It's not to be insensitive about that.

[1477] But the reality of the past, when you look at the black plague or the Spanish flu or anything, the horrendous ones that people went through before.

[1478] This one's fairly mild in comparison.

[1479] If unchecked, would this be as dangerous as the Spanish flu?

[1480] No. Look at the number of people that are asymptomatic.

[1481] Right.

[1482] This is unchecked.

[1483] Like 78 % of the people that contact this are asymptomatic.

[1484] That's one of the shocking stats that I see on Katie Corrick.

[1485] Instagram, she puts just this fact sheet up every day.

[1486] And it's really just useful, like just numbers, you know.

[1487] The shocking number is the number.

[1488] of people who beat it.

[1489] Who had it, were hospitalized, whatever, and are fine.

[1490] Or not even hospitalized.

[1491] It's a huge number.

[1492] I have eight friends have got it.

[1493] The only one that was hospitalized is Michael Yo.

[1494] Right.

[1495] Michael Yo got it pretty bad.

[1496] I think he beat himself up.

[1497] I think his body was beaten down.

[1498] And I think it's a wake -up call to us.

[1499] One of the things that I'm noticing from not traveling is I feel so much better.

[1500] Dude, I can't tell you, I've been thinking, like, I can't believe what I was doing.

[1501] for the last 20 years.

[1502] I can't.

[1503] No. Hard core.

[1504] Up at 4 a .m. On the plane.

[1505] Flighting in.

[1506] Connecting.

[1507] Getting on stage.

[1508] Pounding out two hours of material.

[1509] Get up 4 o 'clock the next day.

[1510] Next city.

[1511] Boom, boom.

[1512] For 20 years.

[1513] Yep.

[1514] Doing radio.

[1515] Can't.

[1516] I'm starting to think about, I used to ride a motorcycle.

[1517] And when you're in it and riding the bike all the time, it makes perfect sense.

[1518] It's safe.

[1519] It seems like you're manageable.

[1520] You stay off that bike for two years.

[1521] you're like I'm never getting on a bike again that's most insane what was wrong with me what was wrong with me I'm starting to think that with travel for stand -up I'm like was I insane I mean I will go back to it a little too I've actually talked to a couple of my friends about this I might do a residency in L .A. Wow smart like get a theater yeah get a theater like a 500 seat theater and just bang out weekends there yeah might not be a bad idea it's a really good idea.

[1522] I mean, Seinfeld did that at the beacon.

[1523] Yeah.

[1524] He would just do like a, like two weekends of a month.

[1525] Yeah.

[1526] You can do it.

[1527] Yeah, you can.

[1528] Yeah, you can do it.

[1529] Oh, please, with the amount of people that live in this area.

[1530] Mm -hmm.

[1531] Yeah.

[1532] And people fly in.

[1533] Look, we get that at the comedy store all the time.

[1534] I've run into people all the time of the comedy store.

[1535] Oh, we flew in from Australia.

[1536] We flew in from Ireland.

[1537] Yeah.

[1538] People, they fly in from all over the world because they know that the comedy store is there.

[1539] And you can go there on a Tuesday night and see some insane lineup.

[1540] insane and this is i mean that's the one thing about our economy locally that's really devastating is tourists yeah i didn't realize how i always think to show business here it's tourism oh yeah the people that come here every single millions of people every year oh yeah i know then then you could have a residency you don't have to bang and i'm also thinking tour a little more i mean i'm talking out of my ass because when people call and give me an offer i go but i think like if i could tour like a band and be like Like, I'm going out in the fall.

[1541] I'm going September through Thanksgiving.

[1542] That's my tour.

[1543] And then I'm home.

[1544] Have you ramped up touring over the last few years at all?

[1545] Yes.

[1546] Yeah?

[1547] When did you start ramping it up?

[1548] I would say the last five years, the last five years.

[1549] When I started selling bigger places and starting to do theaters.

[1550] Started getting that cheddar, baby.

[1551] Yeah, it was like, you know, you fight your whole life to be able to play a theater.

[1552] And then once that started happening, I was just, yeah.

[1553] I remember the first time I ever sold out of theater.

[1554] It was the craziest feeling ever.

[1555] Yeah.

[1556] I remember pulling it to the parking lot.

[1557] This is not even a comedy club.

[1558] Yeah.

[1559] This is a theater.

[1560] Like, there's bands come here.

[1561] Surreal.

[1562] Right.

[1563] Yeah.

[1564] You see the people on the walls.

[1565] Yeah.

[1566] And then you see all these people that don't work with comedy clubs like, you know, the security people and the sound guy and like, hey, what's up, man?

[1567] How you doing?

[1568] Dan, Joe, nice major, blah, blah, blah.

[1569] Do you need anything?

[1570] Nope.

[1571] Nope.

[1572] Just a stool?

[1573] Yeah.

[1574] You know?

[1575] Okay, cool.

[1576] They're so happy.

[1577] They're so used to people coming in with real demands.

[1578] Yeah.

[1579] And you're used to being treated like shit for you.

[1580] You're just like...

[1581] And they're all there to see you.

[1582] It's weird.

[1583] It's special.

[1584] It makes it a show.

[1585] It makes it feel like a real show.

[1586] Yeah.

[1587] It feels the most surreal arenas.

[1588] That's the most surreal.

[1589] Yeah, I can't imagine.

[1590] You should come with me in one.

[1591] I would love to.

[1592] If we ever get allowed to do it again.

[1593] Oh, I'm sure we could do one in Florida this weekend if we wanted to.

[1594] Well, you can in Kansas City.

[1595] You can?

[1596] Yeah, Missouri's allowing concerts.

[1597] Concerts?

[1598] Right now.

[1599] Really?

[1600] Let's go.

[1601] and are they going are people buying tickets i have no idea but apparently Missouri just passed a thing i saw it on i saw it through a trusted source little duval's instagram page that's a trusted source for sure uh but yeah it said uh that missouri's allowing concerts yeah i mean it's all going to come back it is going to hopefully but but you got to wonder how many people like you or i who are looking at our life now going okay well what am i doing my am i am i going to keep doing this and beat myself up because I just did it Saturday, right?

[1602] I flew to Florida Saturday and then I flew back home first flight Sunday morning.

[1603] So I was, you know, I was back home at like 10 a .m. on Sunday.

[1604] But then I got an IV bag.

[1605] I got a vitamin bag of IV.

[1606] Yeah.

[1607] And I got another COVID test.

[1608] I said, just give me a test.

[1609] I know everyone was tested at the UFC.

[1610] They were very stringent with the testing.

[1611] You have to have a wristband to get there.

[1612] I go, but just fucking get me with another test, which is not that bad.

[1613] Yeah.

[1614] But I was thinking before the IV bag because of IV bag made me feel pretty good.

[1615] I was like, what am I going to keep doing this?

[1616] Like, why am I going to keep doing this?

[1617] Yeah.

[1618] You know, like, what's...

[1619] Well, because we love performing and you love, and people want to see you and it's what we do.

[1620] Flight L .A., bitch.

[1621] I'm going to be at a theater.

[1622] I know.

[1623] I know.

[1624] I still do some.

[1625] I'll still...

[1626] I'm still going to go.

[1627] I know I'm going to go, but I don't know.

[1628] And it sounds so...

[1629] The only reason I hesitate is because my kids are a little older and I mean I didn't have the freedom to do it early when they were little I'm saying like I should have stayed home when they were little but that's when I was coming up and you know had to go struggle and I do love it I have to say when you're in the rhythm of it's only again it's the motorcycle it's the distance of it makes it seem crazy when I was in the middle of it it was just what I did you do it Ron White style if you had your own Tom Papa jet you tell you say what he does he's got his own jet Ron White's got a jet there was that great scene I think I've mentioned this on the show when the Ray Charles movie with Jamie Fox I didn't see that When he re yeah Maybe I didn't I forgot And when he re -redues his contract He puts a jet in it It's part of the contract Because something about The phrasing was somewhat Conveying that because the travel's going to kill you That's the thing that kills you Yeah Is it travel on your own jet Gonna kill you less?

[1630] Oh yeah Oh yeah Ask Ron You're cutting down days when I would tour with Seinfeld he would I would be home after doing a gig in Atlanta I would be home in New York earlier than the guys doing sets at the cellar and coming home because you'd fly that night fly that night right you're home you're home you know sleep in your own bed yes it's a home now you're not staying in the hotel you're not a shitty sleep you're not going of course you're going to live longer right but you know it's so fun to go though it's so great I love I do I'm in my yard and I you know there's not that many planes going to Burbank now which is almost none almost none like several a day kind of thing and they like a little burst at night and a little bit but when I hear them and I look up and I see the bottom of Alaska air it looks like a like a whales belly I'm like oh where they going I want to be I'll be with you guys soon How the airline survive this How are they going to make it?

[1631] Well, they got a lot of dough I don't know how you Yeah, they did How much do they have?

[1632] No, they got a The government help them Oh But I don't know Who's the government getting that money?

[1633] I just make it Well, why didn't they make it to fix The fucking impoverished neighborhoods Why didn't they fix all that?

[1634] They're not important They've been in quarantines That's not We're talking about poor people?

[1635] No. I don't know how you get back to operating an airline.

[1636] Right.

[1637] An airport.

[1638] Six feet apart at TSA.

[1639] How is that going to happen?

[1640] The line's going to be up to San Francisco.

[1641] It's going to be insane.

[1642] Yeah.

[1643] Oh, my God.

[1644] I didn't even think of that.

[1645] Yeah.

[1646] Like when they're at full capacity?

[1647] How do you get through security?

[1648] When is it going to happen?

[1649] Are you going to have to go six hours before your flight to get through?

[1650] When can it happen?

[1651] I don't know, that part.

[1652] When can you do that again, like that?

[1653] Either vaccine or it ravaged the population.

[1654] Future air travel, four -hour process, self -check -in, disinfection immunity passes.

[1655] Oh, fuck off.

[1656] Look at those outfits.

[1657] Four -hour process.

[1658] Four -hour process.

[1659] What?

[1660] Come on.

[1661] Four hours?

[1662] Once airports borders open again, people are able to fly freely, a process already in play as airports of all sizes around the world ready strategies to ensure healthy air travel how much are you ready to change your flying habits oh my god it's going to be terrible it could get a little bit less because this also then it then says this might cause less people to then fly which yes brings the lines down a little bit right but that's going to fuck everybody up because it's going to be less flights available oh yeah there already are yeah oh yeah right now but this is in the middle of the quarantine once the quarantine's lifted yeah like when do when can you fly to Bozeman Montana you know what I mean yeah no exactly it's going to be you know travel's going to be someone my sister sent me an article of some guy was like had to take a flight for work and everyone was saying oh I'm so jealous you're getting to fly for work and it's going to be empty and it's going to be great and he said it was horrible because people were tense and nervous on flights before yeah and like putting their things in the overhead and you know trying to get ahead of you in line now people's nerves are so it was like they didn't want to be near other people they once saw everyone else as like a contagion and it just like get away from me and it was like very the nervous energy of the experience was a real drag for my friend uh lex he flew from boston to do the show it was the only person on the plane is a private plane just for him whole plane he had a mask on one guy said the uh stewardesses didn't even talk to him right There was no water, no nothing.

[1663] You don't get shit.

[1664] They don't even make contact you.

[1665] Stay the fuck away from you.

[1666] Now, listen, if it means that fewer people are going to be flying and we can go back to flying like it's in the 80s, that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

[1667] Yeah, but if you want to travel to places, you have to have a viable, the airline has to have a reason, a schedule of flight.

[1668] But don't you think it was...

[1669] But don't you think it was a little maxed out by the...

[1670] before things got like every flight there is when i started my career there were empty seats on planes there were it wasn't a mad rush of humanity at the i mean are you prepared to pay more for plane tickets yes i used to i used to i used to i used to have a joke in my act where because of the crowd and stuff and people say the people say the airlines are expensive i people say it's too expensive to fly?

[1671] I say not expensive enough.

[1672] Let's keep it to business travel and the family of six vacation locally.

[1673] Tom Bobba, it's time to ramp up you.

[1674] I hope you're doing great.

[1675] It sells a lot and you get when them run, white jets.

[1676] Oh man, I hope so.

[1677] Tell you what.

[1678] That's how I travel, son.

[1679] Yeah.

[1680] He's got fucking smoking cigars, drinking tequila.

[1681] Just flying around.

[1682] Flying around.

[1683] Yeah.

[1684] Getting on a bus, doing it.

[1685] When I flew with Chappelle, he smokes on planes.

[1686] Smoke cigarettes.

[1687] Of course.

[1688] And I'm like, this is outrageous.

[1689] He doesn't even ask if the people around him are okay with it.

[1690] He just sparks up.

[1691] God, it's like his thing.

[1692] Well, you can smoke on a private jet, I guess.

[1693] I guess.

[1694] I guess.

[1695] You must have to have some sort of an agreement with the pilots.

[1696] Yeah, that can't be.

[1697] Like, you're in a fucking tube flying around.

[1698] It's like, that air is going to get to everybody.

[1699] There's only one guy that can do that.

[1700] How much filtration is in that airplane?

[1701] Yeah.

[1702] Well, that's what they keep putting out reports.

[1703] I keep getting notes from the airlines.

[1704] Do you get those in your email?

[1705] I don't read them.

[1706] The little videos and stuff from the owner of United.

[1707] Yeah, we're all disinfecting and all our air is 98 % fresh and all this kind of stuff.

[1708] You rotten tomatoes?

[1709] Yeah.

[1710] Their air is only 30%.

[1711] Yeah, but no, it's going to be, I do feel like.

[1712] It's recalibrating how you look at everything.

[1713] But once it all gets opened up and you're like having an opportunity to go to all these places, you probably go back to what we were doing.

[1714] When I was in Florida, I was walking down the hallway in my hotel and some guy in his room was coughing.

[1715] Yeah.

[1716] And I fucking panicked.

[1717] I panicked.

[1718] Yeah.

[1719] I was like, oh, no, I walked faster.

[1720] Quickly, get through the hallway.

[1721] I remember thinking like, wow, is this how I'm going to be from now on?

[1722] I hear a cough and I'm going to freak out.

[1723] I know.

[1724] Something that didn't mean jack shit.

[1725] I know.

[1726] Three months ago, now I was like, yeah, uh -oh.

[1727] And it's going through the vent and it's coming into my room.

[1728] Little particles are in the air.

[1729] My last gig was in Pennsylvania and it was the Keswick Theater and like just north of Philadelphia.

[1730] And it was all just starting, it was like March 7th.

[1731] So it was all starting to really stop.

[1732] And I get on the flight and I'm like wondering like, is this going to be my last gig for a while?

[1733] And I was really kind of bummed out about it And then Paula Poundstone came on the plane And I know Paula from wait, wait, don't tell me And she's just great, you know And she comes on and she's just like, we're fucked And I go, really?

[1734] You think so?

[1735] Oh, yeah.

[1736] And then she goes to sit in the back And she has an asthmatic condition.

[1737] Oh, no. The whole flight, she's just coughing in the back.

[1738] Like a violent, heavy cough at periods.

[1739] And she comes up to go to the bathroom at some point.

[1740] She's like, I'm real popular today.

[1741] And she was just freaking the entire plane out.

[1742] Oh, my God.

[1743] Yeah.

[1744] Oh, my God.

[1745] I know.

[1746] Oh, my God.

[1747] She's so damn funny.

[1748] Have she ever been on?

[1749] No. She's got asthma?

[1750] Yeah, she has some asthma thing, yeah.

[1751] That would make it really terrifying.

[1752] Yeah, she can get it.

[1753] Right.

[1754] Right.

[1755] That kind of thing.

[1756] I know.

[1757] I know.

[1758] God, has she?

[1759] funny though so dry and just just a road warrior talk about travel she just pounded out for years years she was really popular at one point in time what happened really popular she had a drinking thing she had a little kerfuffle she had some thing with people said stuff about her as a mom and stuff and it was all cleared up and it took a little bit of a hit And then she came back Then she just went on the road And just kept going And she was, you know cleared of everything There was no problems And she just took every gig She could take And just played it Played it played it And she's been on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me for 30 years straight And she's just What is Wait Wait Wait Don't Tell me It's a podcast That's the NPR show It's Peter Seigal And it's like a news quiz And it's just they have three comedians on I do it with Alonzo a lot It's a podcast though right It's a podcast No it's an NPR radio show And a podcast But it's a podcast It was a radio show first.

[1760] And then it runs as a podcast.

[1761] And it's all current events.

[1762] It's all like, you know, stuff that's happening in the week.

[1763] And Paula is known as just that her crowd work is like her real.

[1764] She's so in the moment off the cuff.

[1765] Brilliant.

[1766] Probably one of the best of all time.

[1767] And so in that format for the show, she's just a killer.

[1768] So she did that for 30 years and it came and she's still, you know, her audience is a little older, but she's super.

[1769] She sells out all these.

[1770] places you know she does not have to do radio for tickets you know she's she's has a real real strong base yeah there's so many people that made a living on the road and kind of counted on it so like the yeah yeah bills every month were kind of high you know and now they're in this situation they're like holy shit like when when can I work yeah no kidding no kidding I mean that's the thing like in entertainment even when there were recessions entertainment always did okay right not this one there was a thing in the sopranos where like uh one of the characters says you know in a recession entertainment and our thing we're okay and uh they were recession proof but this one live performance holy shit well live nation almost went under oh really yeah yeah live nation got a giant chunk bought out by the Saudi Empire.

[1771] Did you hear about that?

[1772] Yeah.

[1773] What do you mean?

[1774] Everybody was like, what the fuck?

[1775] They bought a sizable chunk of Live Nation.

[1776] You know, because it's an open public company.

[1777] Right.

[1778] So they were hurting.

[1779] See, you can find that article.

[1780] So they bought, so now they controlled Saudi Arabia purchases $500 million stake in Live Nation.

[1781] Because that $500 million was probably worth a couple billion before this?

[1782] Oh, I don't know.

[1783] Is that what that mean?

[1784] I mean, what is it worth now?

[1785] I mean, they're really taking a chance.

[1786] 5 .7 % stake in live...

[1787] Wow, how much does a lot of nation worth?

[1788] Yeah, billions.

[1789] 5 .7 %?

[1790] 500 million gets you 5%.

[1791] Right.

[1792] Saudi Public Investment Fund disclosed the stake, compromising 12 ,337 ,569 shares in a filing with the Security Exchange Commission on Monday.

[1793] They're taking a big chance, too, though, because, like, when is that going to be?

[1794] happening again?

[1795] In Missouri this weekend.

[1796] Just Missouri, though.

[1797] Maybe Texas.

[1798] Yeah.

[1799] You know?

[1800] It'll come back.

[1801] I mean, it'll be back, but can you sustain the downside of it?

[1802] Wait a long enough.

[1803] The plan dictated...

[1804] What is this?

[1805] The Missouri thing.

[1806] Okay.

[1807] Missouri Governor Mike Parson unveiled a state reopening plan April 27th and included a note that live conscious can resume starting Monday, May 4th.

[1808] Whoa!

[1809] Billboard reports Missouri is the first state in the U .S. to reopen live events mid the coronavirus pandemic.

[1810] The plan dictates that seating shall be spaced out according to social distancing requirements, which is a bullshit, nonsensical requirement.

[1811] You're all stuck together in a room screaming.

[1812] And the concert goers must remain at least six feet apart.

[1813] Well, that won't happen when people are peeing.

[1814] The mayors of Missouri major cities, St. Louis, Springfield, and Kansas City have revealed that live concerts and large gatherings will not return as the city's stay -home orders will remain intact.

[1815] The mayor is overriding the governor.

[1816] Yes, it says we will continue to be guided by data, not dates.

[1817] St. Louis mayor, Lita Krucun.

[1818] Someone sounds like a liberal.

[1819] So now we can't do concerts in St. Louis either.

[1820] Yeah, so it looks like it's not going to happen in St. Louis.

[1821] It'll be a bit.

[1822] Maybe Kansas City.

[1823] Maybe they'll let you go there.

[1824] Yeah.

[1825] Someone's going to do it.

[1826] Yeah.

[1827] Who's going to be the first concert?

[1828] The idea of staying six feet apart.

[1829] Like, how many seats you have to give up?

[1830] Like, we're about six feet apart.

[1831] How many seats is between you and me?

[1832] Three?

[1833] Maybe three?

[1834] One, two, three.

[1835] Yeah, four.

[1836] Four?

[1837] So you'd have to give up four seats, so you'd have one quarter if you're lucky.

[1838] Yeah.

[1839] Fuck that.

[1840] Yeah.

[1841] That's so crazy.

[1842] Yeah.

[1843] The economics of that doesn't really work.

[1844] What if you're on a date?

[1845] Ooh, yeah.

[1846] Can you, can you, if you take your lady friend, can they sit next to each other?

[1847] I know.

[1848] What?

[1849] You do that trick with the popcorn.

[1850] Well, here's the other thing.

[1851] You're going to cut the hole in the bottom of the popcorn, put your junk in it, then she goes for the popcorn.

[1852] The diner, Mickey Rourke scene.

[1853] What about the people behind you?

[1854] Where the fuck are they going to go?

[1855] We're going to have to stagger people?

[1856] They're not right behind you.

[1857] They're over here behind you.

[1858] Oh, fuck off.

[1859] Because then they're going to be too close to the people that are close to you.

[1860] Yeah.

[1861] That won't work.

[1862] Broadway just said they're not opening until Labor Day.

[1863] Well, thank God I don't like Broadway.

[1864] And their audience is all.

[1865] I'm not in a musical.

[1866] 65 plus.

[1867] Yeah.

[1868] Those are people that really should be terrified.

[1869] Even when they open.

[1870] When they say they were going to open?

[1871] Labor Day.

[1872] Labor Day.

[1873] September.

[1874] Whoa.

[1875] Originally said June.

[1876] Now it's...

[1877] I don't buy that.

[1878] Labor Day?

[1879] I'm supposed to do Madison Square Garden October 3rd.

[1880] Ooh.

[1881] Hmm.

[1882] New York City Marathon.

[1883] How's that going to have?

[1884] November.

[1885] I don't know.

[1886] How's that going to happen?

[1887] Isn't it amazing how the months seem so close now?

[1888] Oh, yeah.

[1889] When you're doing the math of like, will I be able to go out?

[1890] We're sitting here in Memphis.

[1891] And all of a sudden, October looks like it's next week.

[1892] Well, November 1st, I'm at the Forum, the Great Western Forum, out here.

[1893] Oh, wow.

[1894] Yeah.

[1895] Oh, would that be sweet?

[1896] When I think about the dates...

[1897] I don't even know if I could do that.

[1898] Imagine if you were, though.

[1899] Imagine if you make it...

[1900] Imagine if something happens between now and then where you're able to go do the garden.

[1901] Wouldn't that be great?

[1902] Weekend shows at the Houston Improv.

[1903] Brian Callon's already there?

[1904] Thursday, May 28th?

[1905] The end of the month.

[1906] They have a show booked right now.

[1907] What?

[1908] Yeah.

[1909] Well, my shows are still...

[1910] on sale in San Francisco right now.

[1911] Look at this motherfucker.

[1912] Alan Adams steps in Saturday, May 16th.

[1913] I salute you, Alan, and your wonderful mustache.

[1914] All the Texas improvs it looks like are doing stuff this week.

[1915] Good for them.

[1916] Different rules everywhere.

[1917] Fucking, yeah.

[1918] I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[1919] I don't, you know, if everyone acts cool and if they do some precautions, clean the place.

[1920] And it's going to be young people.

[1921] No, it'll be half the, say it seats 400, maybe they'll have one.

[1922] I don't know if that's what they're doing there, though.

[1923] They might just be sitting down.

[1924] I don't think so.

[1925] Texas is buck wild, bro.

[1926] You can bring a gun.

[1927] I like the Callan's going.

[1928] Hey, I might move to Texas.

[1929] Callan and I and Shab have actually talked about this.

[1930] Getting a ranch together?

[1931] Well, here's the thing.

[1932] If California continues to be this restrictive, I don't know if this is a good place to live.

[1933] First of all, it's extremely expensive.

[1934] The taxes here are ridiculous.

[1935] Yeah.

[1936] And if they really say that we can't do stand -up until 20 -22 or some shit like that, like, I might jet.

[1937] Yeah.

[1938] I'm not kidding.

[1939] Yeah?

[1940] I'm not kidding.

[1941] This is silly.

[1942] I don't need to be here.

[1943] The only reason why I'm here is that I'm close to people like you.

[1944] Right.

[1945] A lot of my friends live here.

[1946] The store is here.

[1947] But if they won't let us do the store, but we could do stand -up other places, why would we stay here?

[1948] Where in Texas, though?

[1949] I don't know, man. Austin.

[1950] I like Austin a lot.

[1951] I like Dallas a lot.

[1952] I like Houston, but.

[1953] yeah i don't know if i live in houston i would definitely live very humid there yeah the summer's a motherfucker oh god brutal dallas is great trying to read through this i think they're starting with 25 % of listed occupancy yeah at the improv yeah they're gonna they're gonna do it smart says it says they're not doing it to make money they're doing it for fan like for the audiences like it says it's not a money -making opportunity tell that to brian callan brenda chop we're going to demand their money the other thing is the they make most of the they make most of the they're doing their money off of alcohol.

[1954] And if people have to wear masks, how's that work?

[1955] Should we call Callan right now?

[1956] Everyone's got a sippy straw?

[1957] Let's call Callan right now.

[1958] Yeah, I'll find out what's going on since he's the one is actually doing it.

[1959] Yeah, it's operating at 25 % will not be a money -making exercise, nor will be 50 % when that point is reached, so they're not there yet.

[1960] I've got to, uh, I'm supposed to do Portland.

[1961] What's up, bud?

[1962] Hey, buddy, you're on the air, so don't say anything crazy.

[1963] Okay.

[1964] When are you doing the improv?

[1965] in Houston?

[1966] I'm doing the improv in Houston.

[1967] Me and Brennan Shob.

[1968] You're a savage.

[1969] I don't know Brendan to come with me, the 29th, the 30th, and the 31st.

[1970] How many people are allowed to be in the audience?

[1971] I think it's 200 so far.

[1972] Whoa.

[1973] That's because that's all they could sell.

[1974] How many, 200 people in the crowd, what is the normal capacity?

[1975] Yeah, I believe that's the number.

[1976] That's Texas.

[1977] Now, I just read in the New York Times, I mean, I'm sorry, Brennan Chubb has called me and said that the shutdown in Los Angeles is being considered till July.

[1978] Yes.

[1979] That's what I would say it.

[1980] So normally the Houston Improv seats 450 people, it says.

[1981] Yeah.

[1982] So they'll allow 200 people.

[1983] Is that what it is?

[1984] That's correct.

[1985] Right.

[1986] Wow.

[1987] L .A. is July.

[1988] How crazy is that?

[1989] Well, how do we fight that?

[1990] I mean, well, who is deciding that?

[1991] Some health official based on what data?

[1992] Yeah.

[1993] Right.

[1994] And what's going to be different in July?

[1995] Nothing's going to be different in July.

[1996] Well, nothing's going to be different, but also, is this about getting absentee voting in for their, for the seats in Congress?

[1997] What's going on?

[1998] I don't understand.

[1999] What?

[2000] Why would you think it would be about that?

[2001] Is there a...

[2002] I talked to a Republican strategy.

[2003] There's an article about homelessness, and I wanted to speak to the scholar and the person who knows the person is a Republican strategist.

[2004] I'll find out the information.

[2005] And she was correlating it to that.

[2006] Now, maybe because she's a Republican strategist, I don't have any evidence on this, but absentee ballots in this state, I guess, favored Democrats, the incumbent Democrats for a number of reasons.

[2007] I'm not an expert on this, but that's what I heard, and I'm wondering if there's anything to that.

[2008] That doesn't make any sense because this state is basically blue anyway.

[2009] That seems like a ridiculous thing to sink the economy for something you already have winning.

[2010] But I thought there were two seats in Congress that were up for grabs.

[2011] God, it can't be that.

[2012] Can't be that.

[2013] They can't blow up the whole economy just for that.

[2014] I think it's probably more of a liability thing.

[2015] They're worried about if they make a decision and somehow it gets connected to a larger amount of deaths, you know, because these people get paid while this is all going on.

[2016] Like, they are not the people that own the small businesses.

[2017] They're not.

[2018] Oh, I know.

[2019] No, I'm a boy.

[2020] This is what happens when politicians are protecting, they're doing this for our, quote -unquote, our own good.

[2021] Can Brian hear me?

[2022] I don't have any...

[2023] We live in this country where my government doesn't represent me. I have no recourse here.

[2024] Where are we moving?

[2025] You want to go to Texas?

[2026] I like Texas.

[2027] I got to sit here like a cow chewing grass while Gavin Newsom has decided for my own good to shut down the entire state and the economy.

[2028] And I'm sorry to say this also, but you know, from what I have read, and again, I may be wrong, but this is primarily a disease that is fatal to the mean average, I think, is 80 or is it 81?

[2029] Yes, we actually talked about it on the podcast that the average age that people die from this disease is older than the average age people die.

[2030] Okay, so we've shut down everything.

[2031] Instead of having a targeted quarantine or a smarter way to do this, I just have to do like a cow chewing grass.

[2032] I have to listen to whatever my politician tells me. Yeah.

[2033] This is, this is, I thought it was May 15th.

[2034] Now it's July.

[2035] Yeah, no, I agree with you.

[2036] I agree with you in that way.

[2037] I think it's L .A. County is actually July.

[2038] The governor still has May 15th and that they're moving forward with stages.

[2039] So the next stage will be gyms and they're going to have, you know, certain disinfection salons, things like that.

[2040] They're going to have to have certain rules in place, hand sanitizer, things along those lines.

[2041] I'm just still so confused by this.

[2042] I think they should quarantine people that are higher at risk and quarantine people if they choose.

[2043] to be quarantined because they're still scared of it.

[2044] That's what I think.

[2045] Can you ask them if I can open for it?

[2046] And that would be called personal responsibility and all that stuff.

[2047] We're not dealing with that.

[2048] I don't know what Eric Garcetti is doing.

[2049] I just don't get it.

[2050] I don't understand the logic.

[2051] I don't get it either, but Tom Papa wants to open for you.

[2052] He's here right now.

[2053] He wants to open for you in May. Tom, you're up for you up for you up for 10 minutes.

[2054] We'll get you moving around and see how you do.

[2055] Thanks.

[2056] Obviously, you've got to take my workshop first, but we'll go from there.

[2057] Hey, I'll call you...

[2058] It's not comedy.

[2059] It's mostly physical.

[2060] We get you stretching and we get moving around in a circle.

[2061] Your workshop.

[2062] I'll call you after I'm out of here.

[2063] I love you, buddy.

[2064] Wow, so there you go.

[2065] So, there's basically a little bit less than half capacity.

[2066] I have an offer to go do it in two weeks and then...

[2067] May?

[2068] May. Houston?

[2069] Improv?

[2070] Which one?

[2071] Salt Lake City.

[2072] Oh, wise guys.

[2073] Love it there.

[2074] I know.

[2075] I love those guys.

[2076] Take it.

[2077] How many people in the audience?

[2078] 150.

[2079] Fill it up and let's test that immunity.

[2080] Come on, pussies.

[2081] I love Salt Lake, too.

[2082] My Portland show is like two weeks after that.

[2083] I would live in Utah.

[2084] I like Utah.

[2085] You know what else I like Utah?

[2086] Beautiful state.

[2087] People are scared of Mormons, so nobody moves there.

[2088] Yeah, it's really true.

[2089] They're all scared.

[2090] Like, oh, my God, you go there.

[2091] You have to join the cult.

[2092] Oh, they're so nice.

[2093] The whole city's so clean.

[2094] They're the best cult members in the world.

[2095] Oh, I love it.

[2096] But a lot of people are not cult members that live in Utah.

[2097] There's a lot of non -Mormans that live there, and they're the nicest folks.

[2098] So nice.

[2099] And it's, I think, the most beautiful state.

[2100] It's so diverse.

[2101] It's a very beautiful state.

[2102] God, it's gorgeous.

[2103] The mountains and the canyon lands.

[2104] Preach!

[2105] Preach, Tompapa.

[2106] Oh, I love it.

[2107] Do you live there?

[2108] Could you live there?

[2109] I could live anywhere.

[2110] Anywhere.

[2111] Well, Wise Guys is a great club to work out of, too.

[2112] If, like, you needed a local club to practice.

[2113] Yeah.

[2114] You could do Wise Guys.

[2115] It's a good spot.

[2116] It's the most underrated club in the country, I think.

[2117] Yeah.

[2118] No, it's great.

[2119] It's so good.

[2120] Everybody knows how great comedy works in Denver is.

[2121] Everybody knows how great Zanis in Nashville is.

[2122] Most people don't...

[2123] Yeah, we sleep on it.

[2124] On the short list of great clubs, wise guys in Salt Lake City is right up there, in my opinion.

[2125] Oh, man. Do you think kids will be back in school in September?

[2126] I don't know, but if they're not, it's going to be a mess.

[2127] My kids are mocking their teachers with their fucking computer on mood.

[2128] I know.

[2129] Dude, my middle daughter, my 12 year old she's a savage she's ruthless she's a little predator and she just like put them on mute oh yeah that's that what you wants to do she's like oh you're so smart how did you learn did you learn through a computer and she thinks it's hilarious they wake up right before they go to school I know okay school starts at 8 they wake up at 756 they pee they drink some water and they fucking sit in front of their computer it's my kids are up all night long too I don't even I don't have no idea when they go to bed it's like two I get up to pee in the middle of the night there's I still hear movies being played my daughter's just sitting on her computer eating breakfast in bed they're in bed on and the teachers could not be less enthusiastic oh they're so phoning in then yeah one of my daughters my nine -year -old the fucking teachers always late Yeah, like she gets mad at them if they're they tune into the Zoom thing late, but like she'll be there 15 minutes late, just sluggishly talking to them about their studies and it's so boring.

[2130] It sounds so boring.

[2131] Oh, it's so boring.

[2132] I sat with her and just to walk, go, let me be a fly on the wall and watch this nonsense.

[2133] It's like it's regular school is deadeting, right?

[2134] It's like, oh, it numbs you.

[2135] It's so, it's so frustrating or it was for me. Me too.

[2136] And I think their school is better than my school.

[2137] but the Zoom shit is like 75 % more annoying than regular school.

[2138] It doesn't work.

[2139] My friend's buddy, my friend's son, stayed at school in Chicago and was like, you know, I could do classes from home or, you know, it's all going to be online for the end of the year.

[2140] So I could come home, tell A, or I could stay there and do any of these.

[2141] Let me just stay there and be with my friends at least when we're off.

[2142] And he's, but he's a good student and he loves going to class.

[2143] He said it just doesn't compare.

[2144] Like you come out of class and you'd be like, I missed that part.

[2145] And you go sit with your buddy and have coffee and figure out the stuff that you missed and the whole other part of the experience.

[2146] It's not just about them spitting information into your brain in this two -dimensional space.

[2147] We're turning people into robots.

[2148] It's really brutal.

[2149] You know, this is the thing that I talked about and I was just joking around.

[2150] But if you just sat down and broke it down this way, if you were an artificial intelligence, right, and you were trying to trick people into submitting to become some sort of a symbioling.

[2151] creation where you get people to join the Matrix.

[2152] How would you get them to do that?

[2153] Well, one good way to start out is make it so they don't want to go anywhere near each other.

[2154] Right.

[2155] Separate themselves.

[2156] Make them be accustomed to doing everything online virtually.

[2157] Yeah.

[2158] Make them accustomed to being terrified to be around people's physical touch.

[2159] You can't shake hands.

[2160] You can't do anything.

[2161] So who's controlling this matrix?

[2162] Well, this is the future.

[2163] The future is eventually we're going to be a part of this.

[2164] Like, Elon was on here talking about some neuralink thing they're going to do where one day.

[2165] His literal words were, you're not going to have to talk to communicate.

[2166] Really?

[2167] Yes.

[2168] And I was like, what?

[2169] Well, this is it, right?

[2170] This is how you get into the matrix.

[2171] This is how eventually we're going to eventually submit because it's going to be more interesting than the fucking Mad Max wasteland that's left in the world.

[2172] There's the temperature rises and the diseases mutate.

[2173] Yeah.

[2174] But, first of all, we'll be protected by the praying mantis.

[2175] Second of all, we need to breed them.

[2176] The amazing thing that I've been observing during this, we are this living organism.

[2177] We are more linked than we knew.

[2178] Everybody seems to be in the same mood at the same time, the same frustrations, the same sadness, the same joys.

[2179] People are craving being with each other.

[2180] we are this organism that while we're individuals we're also part of this bigger hive that feeds off of each other in profound ways and I don't care what you come up with we want to see and squeeze and be around and be face to face and touch each other and there is that that thing is not it's like asking fish not to swim we are not built for that you would have to give us a lobotomy for us to do that yeah do you see ready player one yes great movie it was about that yeah it's about this sort of transition to a virtual world that's more it's more more exciting it's more captivating it's more it doesn't have that thing it doesn't have that physical thing you can't satisfy that i don't know if you're right look how we're freaking out look how people want to be around each other right but this is now yeah well as things get better with the virtual world, I think there's a real potential.

[2181] I think that ready player one shit is real.

[2182] I mean, I think that is going to be the future, whether it's 50 years from now or 150 years from now.

[2183] There's going to come a time where people can't wait to just plug into this thing and put a helmet on and go into a crazy world where you can skateboard through the fucking stars.

[2184] Look, I love all that stuff.

[2185] I invite it.

[2186] I would love to be a part of it.

[2187] Yeah, I mean, all that stuff is very exciting and I see how it's plausible, but there is a biological dimension to this.

[2188] that I think is inescapable.

[2189] Like, you'd have to do something to the human being to break them down to just be satisfied with that.

[2190] Maybe.

[2191] There'd have to be some component that comes over and makes you feel like a hug.

[2192] It hits that part of your brain that does that thing.

[2193] That's what I'm saying.

[2194] You know?

[2195] That's what they can do in that with a haptic.

[2196] I mean, remember in Ready Player 1?

[2197] They had those haptic feedback suits with the, the girl touches them and he can feel it all over his body.

[2198] I don't remember that part.

[2199] I don't do.

[2200] I wonder, I wonder if that's, you know, that's where it's all going to go to.

[2201] I mean, if you look at how connected we are now to computers and to phones and to your Tesla and, you know, all this electronic shit that we have, it's just a matter of time.

[2202] That's the stuff's going to accelerate.

[2203] It's going to get more entrenched in your life.

[2204] Right.

[2205] So what's the Elon model?

[2206] They're creating that for what?

[2207] Well, they're going to, first steps is going to be for people that have injuries where, you know, paralysis are going to be able to make their body function again.

[2208] And he actually said even better.

[2209] Your body would function even better than it did before your spinal cord was severed.

[2210] Right.

[2211] You're going to be able to see people that are, you know, vision issues, are going to be able to fix that.

[2212] Brain issues.

[2213] Brain trauma.

[2214] They're going to be to fix that.

[2215] That's what the first applications of it's going to be.

[2216] And then eventually it's going to lead to higher bandwidth access to information.

[2217] And the way he was saying, people are going to be much more productive when they're on it.

[2218] Right.

[2219] And it's, you know, some thing, you're going to drill a hole in your head and put a fucking cork in there with wires.

[2220] It go into different parts of your brain and fire it up.

[2221] Will this be done before I'm old?

[2222] He says like five years.

[2223] Really?

[2224] Yeah.

[2225] So that would be pretty cool.

[2226] So the first people that are going to, you know, first people that tried will be people that are injured.

[2227] or period of ailments.

[2228] But what about people whose knees hurt slightly when he goes upstairs?

[2229] Stop eating bread.

[2230] That stuff's making...

[2231] This is no way.

[2232] Causing inflammation.

[2233] You can never not eat bread?

[2234] You just bake it and smell it.

[2235] I could do that.

[2236] Just only greens and meat.

[2237] It's so good to eat, though.

[2238] Especially my bread.

[2239] It's so delicious.

[2240] Do you think you could only eat bread once a week?

[2241] Could have a bread day?

[2242] I could.

[2243] What have you found other bread is really bad for you?

[2244] If you go to a doctor and the doctor says, Tom, here's what's going on.

[2245] This is where you could.

[2246] be and this is where you are and this is what's holding you back all this fucking gluten you're eating this bread and it's fucking with your joints it's causing arthritis it's causing your cartilage to break down you're going to be crippled when you're older or you can just have bread a little bit of mouth pleasure and some butter oh he can't live without it can you in this me this mythical world that you're talking about this made -up place where bread is bad for you I guess I could play around but it's my bread is good for you.

[2247] How's it possible?

[2248] Flower, water, salt, and yeast.

[2249] It's the only thing.

[2250] Right, but flowers not go for you.

[2251] It's not bad for you.

[2252] In moderation, it's not bad for you.

[2253] Oh.

[2254] Please, centuries.

[2255] All the people that made you and, and all the DNA that had to carry you before you came out.

[2256] Do you get heirloom wheat flour?

[2257] Yeah.

[2258] Airloom wheat flour.

[2259] Do you really?

[2260] Yeah.

[2261] So where do you get?

[2262] For real?

[2263] Mm -hmm.

[2264] Oh.

[2265] Utah again.

[2266] I should just live in Utah.

[2267] You might have to.

[2268] Yeah.

[2269] Because I know when I was in Italy, the pasta you eat does not make you feel fucked up.

[2270] No, it doesn't.

[2271] And Maynard, you know, Maynard from Tool, he was explaining to me that when, you know, because he uses heirloom wheat for his pasta, you know, he owns a couple of restaurants.

[2272] Yeah, yeah.

[2273] And he was saying that when human beings started fucking around, particularly in America, with wheat and sort of engineering it for higher yield, they made more complex gluten.

[2274] There's more glutons in the wheat, and it's a higher yield.

[2275] So, like, if they have an acre of the old wheat, it would only grow a certain amount of wheat.

[2276] And it's, like, much more now for an acre of this new wheat.

[2277] But the problem is our bodies don't know how to digest it properly.

[2278] Right, right.

[2279] And that's why people develop all these fucking weird gluten intolerance issues that no one had before.

[2280] Also, when you go over here, everyone's so fat.

[2281] But if you go to Italy where they eat pasta every day, they're not fat.

[2282] Yeah, exactly.

[2283] And, you know, I've said this a thousand times.

[2284] But the other stuff that's in our bread that you get from the supermarket is making you sick.

[2285] It shouldn't be 30 ingredients.

[2286] There should be four ingredients.

[2287] Like, what other stuff to be put in there?

[2288] Just preservatives?

[2289] Preservatives, sugars, different variations of sugar.

[2290] I bought some bread from the farmer's market.

[2291] It was stale in a day.

[2292] Yeah.

[2293] I bought some bread from the supermarket.

[2294] I bought it three weeks ago.

[2295] I know.

[2296] A sandwich the other day was great.

[2297] I know.

[2298] It's still good.

[2299] I know.

[2300] It's crazy.

[2301] I know.

[2302] That's not good.

[2303] It's not good.

[2304] Well, they're doing all this great stuff.

[2305] All these farmers are growing wheat that was grown in the region where they farm.

[2306] throughout centuries.

[2307] So they're re -populating it with the stuff that was indigenous to that region.

[2308] Really?

[2309] Yeah.

[2310] Does that make it better?

[2311] Yeah, it makes it better because it's natural.

[2312] It's just real.

[2313] What are you going to make me smell?

[2314] I'm just going to show it to you.

[2315] Look, I mean, I've given you a lot of bread.

[2316] Look, isn't that the best bread I've ever given you?

[2317] It smells very good.

[2318] It's really good.

[2319] When did you bake this?

[2320] That came out last night.

[2321] Oh, my God.

[2322] Yeah.

[2323] I'd like to eat it.

[2324] Let's let it sit there.

[2325] So beautiful.

[2326] It's a masterpiece.

[2327] Look at that.

[2328] I mean, that.

[2329] I'm getting better.

[2330] You are.

[2331] Now, how do you eat your bread?

[2332] Do you ever put a little Nutella on it?

[2333] Do you get crazy?

[2334] No, you know, I gave Ali Wong a loaf of bread during quarantine.

[2335] I've been bringing bread to my friends, just keep dropping it off.

[2336] And her husband put, it looked like, a block of Nutella on it.

[2337] It was like more Nutella than bread.

[2338] I have a picture that was going to send you.

[2339] It's so good.

[2340] Of your bread with Nutella on it.

[2341] My favorite is, my favorite thing, I like doing lots of different stuff with it, but my favorite is cream cheese and sardines with capers.

[2342] God damn, I like what you're saying right now.

[2343] It is so good.

[2344] You get my pants off.

[2345] Cream cheese and sardines.

[2346] That sounds fantastic.

[2347] Oh, it's so good.

[2348] And some capers on it.

[2349] Oh, my God, dude.

[2350] Here you go.

[2351] That's your bread with Nutella.

[2352] Look at that.

[2353] Oh, that was my bread.

[2354] Oh, that was a, that's on it fat butter, actually.

[2355] That is the on it.

[2356] It's got hazelnut.

[2357] It's got chocolate.

[2358] It's one of the on it.

[2359] That's actually.

[2360] good.

[2361] Good for you, that stuff.

[2362] Oh, yeah?

[2363] That's right.

[2364] I got to get some of that.

[2365] Yeah.

[2366] Ooh, that looks good.

[2367] Why don't I think it was Nutella?

[2368] That's it before.

[2369] I got pre and after.

[2370] Ooh, yeah.

[2371] It looks so good there.

[2372] It does look good.

[2373] It's really good.

[2374] What's in there?

[2375] Does it say?

[2376] Does it say in the post?

[2377] In the post?

[2378] Jamie Scroll up.

[2379] On a chocolate hazelnut fat butter.

[2380] Yeah, baby.

[2381] Chocolate hazelnut fat butter.

[2382] That's good for it.

[2383] for you?

[2384] Oh, yeah.

[2385] Chocolate hazelnut fat butter.

[2386] Don't be a pussy.

[2387] It's not one word in that.

[2388] Chocolate hazelnut fat butter.

[2389] Yeah.

[2390] Good stuff.

[2391] On it fat butter is a great way to get healthy fats.

[2392] I love that stuff.

[2393] I just scoop it out, not usually the chocolate stuff, but we have a bunch of different fat butters.

[2394] I scoop it out with spoons.

[2395] Ooh, that's good.

[2396] Because it's healthy calories, you know, if you want a snack and you don't want to feel like a loser, just eat some of that.

[2397] Yeah, yeah.

[2398] Now, I think back to what you were saying originally, would I be able to stop a They told me, I think, you know, you can't eat carbs all the time and feel good.

[2399] Right.

[2400] You can't.

[2401] I can't.

[2402] I can't.

[2403] Tony Hinchcliff can.

[2404] Oh, yeah.

[2405] Tony Hinchcliff weighs 18 pounds.

[2406] He eats pasta all day.

[2407] He's like a hummingbird.

[2408] He really is.

[2409] He just burns it off.

[2410] Prang Mantis is going to rip his head off.

[2411] When he was on the podcast, he was joking around about it, people would be so angry at me if they saw how I eat.

[2412] It's funny.

[2413] He's so slim.

[2414] He doesn't even have a hint of a gut.

[2415] No, nothing.

[2416] Yeah, it's true, too.

[2417] I've eaten with him after shows That fucking kid can eat Really?

[2418] That's annoying Tony throws down Oh that's annoying That man has an appetite He's not fucking around Yeah it is annoying Because he's got a fantastic genetic makeup In terms of You know Being able to lose weight Yeah Or not gain weight I should say It's never how to lose any weight Yeah that's But on the other hand He can't gain any way either I've brought him lifting weights And it's That's as hilarious as his diet Okay, I'm sorry to bring up an old subject, which I'm sure you've talked about a ton, but I've been working out more during quarantine than I have in the last five years.

[2419] What do you've been doing?

[2420] And I've been doing the Peloton for cardio.

[2421] Cool.

[2422] I don't want to run around.

[2423] That's a good move.

[2424] It's really good.

[2425] I really love it.

[2426] I haven't skipped.

[2427] It's really great.

[2428] And then I have these dumbbells, you know, the adjustable, nautilus ones.

[2429] Sure.

[2430] Yeah, yeah.

[2431] I've been using those and doing those weights in the middle but everything I see online is all kettlebell all the time and is it that much better I've never worked out with a kettlebell in my life well you certainly can get a great workout with dumbbells you can yeah for sure I mean it feels great but I can show you how to use a kettlebell and you can get an understanding of why so many people like it after the podcast they're really versatile in the fact that you're swinging them you're using a lot of your whole body you're using your legs and using your core and you you know when you're balancing them you're you're you're tightening your core you're using your spine and your shoulders and your arms right i love them but i've loved them for a long time i just think it's a it's a great exercise for um for functional strength meaning like when i lift a lot of kettlebells and i do it a lot yeah i feel like when i do martial arts i have more strength i move better my legs move better My body moves better Because you have to use everything Like say if you're doing like What Steve Max would call a manmaker I think that's like clean press Squat It might be I might have renegade rows in there as well But the sequences of movements Right right You do these like you could burn yourself out Really quick on these sequences of movements Right because the dumbbells are isolating They're good No you can do cleans and presses and stuff with dumbbells It's just not the best thing for windmills or for some other kind of exercise that you can do with the kettlebells.

[2432] Kettlebell is just really, really versatile.

[2433] But it's hard to get one right now.

[2434] Everybody sold out when the quarantine hit on it.

[2435] We're still sold out.

[2436] Oh, really?

[2437] Yeah, we have a big sale that's going on right now and on it, but we don't have a sale, like to do the whole month.

[2438] But the kettlebell sale doesn't kick in until the last week of the month because we don't even have them in stock.

[2439] Wow.

[2440] We sold out.

[2441] We sold out so quick, and it's hard to get them right now because a lot of.

[2442] lot of these places that manufacture them are shut down because of the quarantine, so they couldn't restock them for us.

[2443] I wonder if now that sporting good places are open in L .A. You can probably get stuff there.

[2444] Maybe.

[2445] But where are they getting it from?

[2446] Yeah.

[2447] I mean, whatever they had in stock before.

[2448] All these companies are out.

[2449] I know Rogue hired another company stateside, I believe, in Rhode Island to start making their kettlebells because they were getting a lot of their kettlebells overseas.

[2450] And, you know, just like fucking everything.

[2451] cutting down, man. Right, right, right.

[2452] Yeah, they've got to open it up.

[2453] But once you get them, I mean, there's so many great workouts that you could find online.

[2454] Keith Weber is a great resource.

[2455] He's a guy that I've talked about, he's been on the podcast before, but he's got this great kettlebell, extreme kettlebell cardio workout that you could just use one 35 pound kettlebell.

[2456] And you get an amazing, amazing workout.

[2457] Wow.

[2458] Yeah, that'd be cool.

[2459] I mean, just to vary it up because it's, you know, we've been doing it for like.

[2460] I want to go somewhere.

[2461] I want to go to a yoga class.

[2462] I miss that.

[2463] Yeah, I know.

[2464] I miss being in a class with people.

[2465] I miss jujitsu.

[2466] Oh, that's got to be driving you crazy.

[2467] I miss everything.

[2468] You can't wrestle around.

[2469] The biggest thing I miss is comedy.

[2470] Oh, 100%.

[2471] It's such a weird thing.

[2472] I think I talked about this with you on the phone.

[2473] That it's not even like, oh, I just miss being up.

[2474] You slowly start to change.

[2475] I slowly go inward.

[2476] I feel like when I'm writing a lot I get more insulated I get more to myself I feel like that just socially when I'm not performing I'm crawling inside which is available right now yes everywhere wherever books are sold it'll make you feel good it'll make you feel good yeah when I'm doing that no joke when I'm isolated and I'm in there cranking it out I get it a little different but then I could go out at night and be out and it resets it Yeah.

[2477] And this is now, being in quarantine, is like I'm writing the book without having any outlet.

[2478] Yeah, we miss that clubhouse environment.

[2479] I mean, the comedy store is a place where it's like all these comics that travel all over the country.

[2480] We get together and be with our own tribe.

[2481] Mm -hmm.

[2482] You know?

[2483] Yeah, it's a big part of it.

[2484] It's a big part of it.

[2485] And now we're not even supposed to be, I mean, people are at the beginning of this podcast, like, why are you allowed to do that?

[2486] Like, they were saying they shouldn't even be allowed to do this.

[2487] even if I was testing everybody I'm like just look Yeah But I think it's also because people are out of work And they're like why do you get to work Like you know it seems Right right Why does anybody get to tell you can't work That's what the real question should be Yeah no kidding That's the real question Right exactly I know you gotta get people back to work That's that thing That balance And it's like I think we've gone Pretty far that one way And now you're gonna really start hurting people Utah doesn't give a fuck They're like let's go Well in controlled ways But you know they're not being mindless about it.

[2488] They're not being irresponsible.

[2489] They're not saying come out, old people.

[2490] California State University campuses to remain closed through fall semester.

[2491] You fucks.

[2492] They're going to make California just a bunch of just veal.

[2493] We're going to be veal over here.

[2494] The whole rest of the country is going to be out there.

[2495] Getting that herd immunity.

[2496] I wonder if they're going to charge you, like if you go to...

[2497] Fall classes, 500 ,000 kids.

[2498] They're just students, I should say.

[2499] Online.

[2500] Online.

[2501] I wonder if you'll still charge you full tuition and put it online.

[2502] Of course they will.

[2503] Of course they will.

[2504] Dude, fuck off with all this.

[2505] If I was going to college right now and I found out that this was California, I would switch.

[2506] I feel like I'm getting out of here.

[2507] 100%.

[2508] My daughter's not going to find out until July.

[2509] You have to go move and play out of state tuition fees at another school now because it's like state schools.

[2510] So that's like that's option for a lot of people.

[2511] I would move.

[2512] Oh, that's brutal.

[2513] I'm going to Texas.

[2514] Wouldn't you?

[2515] I probably wouldn't be going to college right now My daughter's going to go east coast And she's not going to find out for a while For mental health I think it's terrible for kids To be sitting in front of a fucking computer all day Doing school with no friends around Not being able to mingle And have a good time That's what my daughters call it School with no friends It's awful This might lead to no football For the fall Because if you should have discussed If these kids can't be on campus Then they're not going to be playing the games then Meanwhile, China, they're all spitting each other's mouths and lifting weights.

[2516] They're getting ready to take over.

[2517] Yeah, that's a good point, Jamie, because then, you know, they don't just play California schools.

[2518] They play the rest of the country.

[2519] I was just looking up the Big Ten, which is where Ohio State plays.

[2520] Yeah.

[2521] There's a discussion of maybe just having an all -in -conference schedule so, like, teams don't have to fly.

[2522] They can just drive buses.

[2523] I wonder how Vegas is going to handle it because, like I said, my friend Nick, his restaurant opened up at half capacity.

[2524] but I wonder how I have a show in Vegas that's sold out at that park theater whatever the fuck that is one next to the July first week in July I know you've done outside comedy before is that you think that's a potential I don't enjoy it amphitheaters yeah you could The audience likes so we don't like it yeah okay it's okay I mean I did one in Mountain View in San Francisco this past year I did one Salt Lake too this is not as good Dave and I did one so just goes up into the sky you don't get to really feel it it's not really that good it's pretty good up in the sky oh geez there he goes it's like driving things that popped up in the last couple weeks i don't know how successful they've been but it's like music right edm and then i think a couple comedians have tried to oh really parking lot comedy or something yeah my wife kept saying that i should do drive -in comedy she's like do it before anyone else gets the idea yeah she's like yeah you should go do driving comedy get the fuck out of here i know she is she is kind of over me yeah people find out whether or not you really like somebody yeah Tom's not going to have me no I'm okay he's terrified I'm not terrified I love it a little horrified I have to do two more things after this what do you do uh NPR KPCC both those things would help both those it's true then I got drive my car home let the car drive yourself it does drive itself it does drive itself it smells so good though do you have the one's a little baby no no okay forget the um the new driving option the Tesla one that you have to pay for have you done that the what self -driving thing this new update that came out that you actually pay for no I didn't see that yeah there was a new one that came out you have to pay for it mm -hmm yeah like 4 ,000 bucks what oh maybe my car isn't equipped for it what year's your car it's what are we 2020 it's probably 2015 oh it's a piece of shit it's a beautiful probably barely has any batteries it's got great battery it dies real quick right come on how fast does it go blow shit faster than I needed to no yes impossible it's a killer you should have the new one I should have a new one this is outrageous it's you're right you're right I should update but I don't I think I'm probably missing some hardware though yeah I think so for that what does it do I don't know if I haven't tried it yet Tesla's latest self -driving visualization comes to life in this impressive picture oh so it shows the cones that's interesting oh Oh, yeah, because it's, oh, so it'll stop for things.

[2525] Oh, show someone with a stop sign.

[2526] Wow, that's crazy.

[2527] It shows a stop sign.

[2528] It reads the stop sign.

[2529] Will it stop for traffic lights?

[2530] That's the thing that mine does not do.

[2531] I don't think it does that yet.

[2532] Well, then I'm not interested.

[2533] Then it's a lemon.

[2534] Tesla's auto.

[2535] Go back to that?

[2536] On V9 shows great improvements when it comes to rendering the surroundings on the screen, but I'm often getting these weird bugs when stopped or at low speeds.

[2537] Play that.

[2538] Let's see what that does.

[2539] What's the weird bug?

[2540] Weird bugs.

[2541] Oh, people are just, like, moving around like ghosts and shit.

[2542] There's no one there.

[2543] Oh, that's weird.

[2544] Well, it's all electronics.

[2545] But then, have you heard of any viruses infecting Tesla's?

[2546] No. Maybe I shouldn't have put that out there.

[2547] Dude.

[2548] Huh?

[2549] Have you heard?

[2550] Dude.

[2551] I mean, I'm sure someone must have thought about it already.

[2552] Yeah, I'm sure they've been trying to.

[2553] crack in and I'm not the guy it's going to be the first one to think that up yeah no I think yeah but there's certain things there's like certain modes and stuff so that people don't mess with it like a mode like to kind of shut it off the computer yeah and there's sentry mode too right where how many people they've caught keying in them oh really yeah it's so weird man people look around no one's around like scratch the shit out of someone's car why would you do that because they they're angry It's usually people that they don't even know the person They just decide this is a nice car They see this sweet Model 3 sitting there They just walk by with keys and scratch the shit out of it What are they in?

[2554] Were they in Warriors the movie?

[2555] I think that's why Elon made those cyber trucks Like bulletproof It's got to be away Got to fix this Gotta fix it Yeah And we're gonna do it Make it all out of like sheet metal steel They do have some sort of like Hacking competition To look for bugs Oh, a group of hackers won a Tesla Model 3 and a $35 ,000 prize for hacking it to its systems.

[2556] A Matt Kama and Richard Zhu, I hope I'm saying that right, of a team called floroacetate exposed to vulnerability in the vehicle system during the hacking competition.

[2557] The hackers targeted the infotainment.

[2558] That's a weird fake word.

[2559] Infotainment.

[2560] Which is it?

[2561] Is it information or is entertainment?

[2562] That's ridiculous.

[2563] How about media system on the Tesla model phone?

[2564] I don't like that.

[2565] Infotainment word.

[2566] Infotainment.

[2567] It gets thrown around like a real word.

[2568] We have plenty of words that cover both of those things.

[2569] Right.

[2570] Yeah.

[2571] No new word needed here.

[2572] We don't need to make hybrid words.

[2573] Yeah.

[2574] It just seems like a weird time.

[2575] How did we get on the Tesla?

[2576] We were talking about.

[2577] Talking about your car driving itself if you got high.

[2578] Oh, if I got it.

[2579] high right the dessert my memory's strong even with the weed that's rare though it's very unreliable yeah it's super unreliable when I'm high yeah no kidding I know sometimes it's great though sometimes I could pull things out of you know out of the deep yeah right what's with all these old boxers coming back Avanda what do you mean field is coming back what yes have you seen the Mike Tyson he's like 65 Mike Tyson's coming back what yes you haven't seen dude no okay go to Mike Tyson's paper for his most recent video on his Instagram.

[2580] Get ready for this.

[2581] Oh, really?

[2582] Get ready for this.

[2583] Because he looks fucking sensational.

[2584] What is he?

[2585] Fifty -five?

[2586] Fifty -three.

[2587] I think.

[2588] Yeah?

[2589] I think he's a year older than I am.

[2590] I'm 52.

[2591] But he looks fucking incredible.

[2592] Really?

[2593] Terrifying.

[2594] Dude.

[2595] He was so terrible.

[2596] Was there anything more exciting than his fights?

[2597] There were a cultural event.

[2598] Oh, my God.

[2599] I'm so exciting.

[2600] The only concern was that you were going to spend money and you weren't going to get it back.

[2601] Look at this.

[2602] You need a volume so you can hear this, too.

[2603] Whoa.

[2604] I mean, what in the fuck, dude?

[2605] Oh, my God.

[2606] Dude, he looks like old.

[2607] I'm back.

[2608] You know what's really funny?

[2609] Oh, my God.

[2610] He said on the podcast when he was in here, he said he didn't want to work out again because his ego would get fired up again.

[2611] Uh -huh.

[2612] And he's actually said that in his post that my ego had been reignited.

[2613] Is that mean his rage?

[2614] No. See, if you can find it.

[2615] it that his ego would be there's a an he said he's like being zen and doesn't want to he gave a statement about it saying that like his ego has been reignited uh good for him yeah good for us he said something about how the gods of war have brought him out again it was like really heavy -duty shit i think it's real recent real recent wow see if you could find the quote but it was like oh my god when you were with him gods of war have reignited my ego Oh, my God.

[2616] And I'm ready to go again.

[2617] Yeah, he's going to fight.

[2618] Do you think, how do you think he'd fare against a 28 -year -old?

[2619] I don't know.

[2620] It depends on the 28 -year -old.

[2621] But I think that you, for sure, need a guy who's really good at fighting to keep him off you.

[2622] Even if you're in your 20s.

[2623] Here, Mike Tyson explains the desire to fight again.

[2624] I feel unstoppable now.

[2625] The gods of war have reawakened me. And he said something about his ego firing up.

[2626] See if you can find that quote.

[2627] He was so deadly.

[2628] That was one of the things that he actually talked about in the podcast.

[2629] Yeah, the gods of war have awakened me. They've reignited my ego and want me to go to war again.

[2630] Oh, shit.

[2631] That's so terrifying.

[2632] That's so terrifying.

[2633] Here's the thing, man. If they don't drug test them, they don't test him for hormones.

[2634] Yeah.

[2635] Things are way different.

[2636] What do you mean?

[2637] Because if he takes hormones, if he's taking, like, testosterone and growth hormone, thyroid hormone, all the things that people do when they take hormone replacement therapy, your body functions way better at a way later age.

[2638] It's different.

[2639] It's very different.

[2640] So if we're talking about being a 53 -year -old man in 1985, he's no chance.

[2641] Right.

[2642] Everybody fell apart.

[2643] Like, you'd have to, like, be a really, really, really rare person who doesn't take hormones and can perform like a 30 -year -old when you're in your 50s.

[2644] But when you're hormones you can kind of do it it's like a guy there's a few guys that were in the UFC one of the bigger examples is Vitor Belfort Vito Balford who's a phenomenal fighter a real legend he was in the first he won the first tournament that I ever worked on that was at UFC 12 in 1997 so he was 19 years old back then okay and then when he was in his late 30s he had a giant resurgence and it was when they made testosterone replacement therapy legal for fighters.

[2645] Oh.

[2646] So there was a bunch of fighters that got on these testosterone replacement therapy exemptions.

[2647] And so they're taking testosterone, but they had an old man's brain.

[2648] But their body moved like a younger man. So it's basically they had all of the experience of a lifetime of fighting.

[2649] Right.

[2650] But because of the hormones, their body actually performed like someone way, way younger than that.

[2651] Like how much younger do you think?

[2652] I don't know.

[2653] It depends on the body.

[2654] It depends on what kind of damage you're.

[2655] dealing with, like what's wrong with you, whether or not it can bring you back 10 years or five years or who knows.

[2656] But with these fighters, the thing is they were never really out of shape.

[2657] And some of them, there's quite a few of them, in fact, and I'm not going to name any names, but some of them needed those hormones because they had done steroids.

[2658] So when you do steroids, it shuts down your endocrine system.

[2659] Your endocrine system doesn't make the proper hormones anymore.

[2660] And so they needed, it was a real weird sort of conundrum because everyone was kind of knew this, but there was a weird loophole that went on for a few years.

[2661] It was a real gray area in MMA.

[2662] And so say a fighter could go to the doctor and say, hey, I want to get a blood test and see what my testosterone levels are because I am feeling very tired.

[2663] Right.

[2664] And they look at it and they test, they go, oh, look at this.

[2665] Your testosterone levels are low.

[2666] You are, you could take this hormone and inject it into your body every week.

[2667] Now you're eligible for testosterone replacement therapy.

[2668] But the thing is, they might have, like, the whole reason why they needed in the first place might have been that they, they were using it illegally.

[2669] So it's a weird thing you're rewarding because the testing wasn't very good.

[2670] And some of these guys that are a part of this, we're a part of this testosterone replacement therapy thing, they were ones that were kind of accused of possibly using performance enhancing drugs in the past.

[2671] So then they get to use them legally.

[2672] Right.

[2673] Yeah.

[2674] And Vitor, dude, I'm telling you.

[2675] Everyone in the MMA community would talk about TRT Vitor.

[2676] His TRT Vitor was a guy who was in his 30s.

[2677] He'd been fighting a long fucking time.

[2678] But all of a sudden, he was moving like a demon again and just smashing people.

[2679] Right.

[2680] You ever see him fight?

[2681] No. Do me a favor.

[2682] Pull up Vitor Belfort versus Luke Rockold.

[2683] Because that was one of the perfect examples.

[2684] And they're fighting.

[2685] I don't know if it was in Brazil or what.

[2686] But Vitor had muscles on his teeth when he was weighing in for that fight.

[2687] Oh, my God.

[2688] It was crazy, and he just blitzkrieged.

[2689] And it was okay to do.

[2690] It was legal.

[2691] What he was doing was legal.

[2692] Right.

[2693] It was, and then it took a while for everybody.

[2694] It went, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what the fuck?

[2695] What's going on?

[2696] This is not, we can't do this.

[2697] And so then the UFC went the whole other way, and they brought in US anti -doping agency now handles everything.

[2698] And they're randomly test fighters in the middle of the night.

[2699] And people get popped to stuff all the time.

[2700] Oh, really?

[2701] Yeah, they're really strict.

[2702] Do you think they should be?

[2703] Just got popped for marijuana.

[2704] They have a pretty liberal range.

[2705] It's a pretty generous range that you can have.

[2706] So watch this.

[2707] First of all, look at Vitor.

[2708] He's the one in the red.

[2709] Just fucking shredded.

[2710] Now watch this wheel kick.

[2711] Check this out.

[2712] Set it up.

[2713] Dude.

[2714] Dude, fucking Vitor when he was on the TRT was one of the scariest guys that ever lived.

[2715] Look at him.

[2716] Oh, my God.

[2717] Yeah.

[2718] Dude's avoided the fuck out of him.

[2719] Look at him.

[2720] God.

[2721] Dude.

[2722] It's like a pit bull.

[2723] Oh, my goodness.

[2724] He looked like a demon.

[2725] He looked like a demon back then.

[2726] There's a few of his fights from that era, from that era rather that were just absolutely terrifying.

[2727] Do you think that you should, that it should be that strict against these drugs in the fighting?

[2728] It should, yeah.

[2729] It's because it's competition.

[2730] Yeah, it's not, it's not for your health.

[2731] I take testosterone replacement.

[2732] I think for your health, it's a good move when you get older.

[2733] It makes your body work better.

[2734] but for fighting there's a weird gray area like when when should it be legal you're going to let people take it after their 45 my point is if they don't test Tyson in Holyfield and all these guys for testosterone replacement and growth we might see some crazy shots we might see some great fights he's a perfect fun paper I do not know maybe he's not on anything and maybe he's just a special athlete right Lord knows Herschel Walker was Herschel Walker was a guy who fought in strike force after he played in the NFL and was really successful.

[2735] It was terrifying.

[2736] Like people were avoiding him.

[2737] People that were like lifelong martial artists like fuck that guy because he was a super athlete.

[2738] Super athlete.

[2739] And obviously Mike Tyson was a super athlete when he was young.

[2740] No one when they're 20 usually can move like that.

[2741] And here he is.

[2742] 53 moving like a world champ throwing bombs.

[2743] Again, it's only on the pads.

[2744] We don't know what happens if spars.

[2745] But still But you have to You're like the praying mantis If he makes the first move He's going to rip your head off You have to look at that And go look look look Let's not get crazy Look how fast he's going I know Look how scary he is That's what makes us think of Mike Tyson When he was in his prom Oh when he'd come out No socks Oh my god Just those leathers Dude my favorite ever was The Marvis Frazier fight Because it was really like an execution Yeah It was Marvis Frazier also Was like a really good fighter and was Joe Frazier's son and you knew what was going to happen in like 20 seconds Tyson was just he was a different thing yeah he just came into the ring we'd never seen a boxer like him before where it was just like every fight was an execution it was brutal no frills no nothing no robe no sock most of the time no socks no robe most of the time yeah just coming to the ring sometimes he had a towel run his neck Sometimes he didn't even have that.

[2746] God, he wasn't going to be there long.

[2747] No, man. He was, and you would see the look in the guy's eyes when they would see him across the ring.

[2748] Like, oh, my God, what the fuck did I sign up for?

[2749] So exciting.

[2750] When you were with him when he was here.

[2751] Yeah.

[2752] Do you feel like this is still a menacing physical guy?

[2753] Or did you feel like?

[2754] Well, he's real nice.

[2755] Yeah, I know he's a real nice guy.

[2756] But he's still.

[2757] But he still have that, you know, guys that were tough in their youth, you still feel that thing.

[2758] Oh, yeah.

[2759] But he's terrified.

[2760] Yeah.

[2761] Who said it passed?

[2762] What was the UFC fighter that was saying like, it's like hanging out with a lot?

[2763] Oh, was it Kevin Lee?

[2764] I think it was Kevin Lee.

[2765] Yeah.

[2766] It sounds like something Kevin would say.

[2767] It's like, he goes, it's like you're next to a lion.

[2768] Right.

[2769] And he's like, oh yeah, that's Mike Tyson.

[2770] Like that way to describe it is the perfect way to describe being around him.

[2771] That's perfect.

[2772] You just want him to like you.

[2773] Right.

[2774] You want to be nice to him.

[2775] Be cool, be cool.

[2776] You can't believe.

[2777] he's here you know he's here no it's like a mythical figure sitting next to you dude he asked me about fighting like what about what did i ever do and i've never felt more like a fraud in my life just tell him about the stupid shit that i did a little taekwondo tournaments and had a couple kickboxing fights like felt like such a bitch i could feel it yeah the worst it's the worst he's a like a cultural icon yeah if you stop and think about it like from our generation no to be around him it's like what are you real things that you're real things that you're real You're right here?

[2778] It's like being with Thor or Zeus.

[2779] Really?

[2780] It's like, oh, you came out of the sky and you're talking to me now.

[2781] He was a legend.

[2782] He's going to fight someone and they don't have a fight scheduled, but also Avander Holyfield.

[2783] Go to Evander Holyfield's YouTube.

[2784] I'm thinking he doesn't look as fast.

[2785] Nope.

[2786] He doesn't, but he still looks good.

[2787] Yeah.

[2788] I'm sorry, his Instagram, not his YouTube.

[2789] He was his Instagram.

[2790] He posted this video of him throwing punches and he said, this is me at 60%.

[2791] who wants to see 70%.

[2792] Oh, really?

[2793] I've been doing this my whole life.

[2794] Yeah, it was interesting because as a person who's a giant boxing fan, and I am, like, I see what Holyfield's doing.

[2795] What Holyfield's doing is he saw the Mike Tyson thing.

[2796] He saw Mike Tyson looking amazing.

[2797] And then that fire just got click, got turned on, and he's doing it slow and deliberate.

[2798] So here he is, like running and shadow boxing.

[2799] And then there's videos of him, he's jumping rope again, doing something.

[2800] Doing sit -ups.

[2801] He's in good shape.

[2802] Oh, dude, he was in great shape, but he was here.

[2803] But look at this.

[2804] Shadowboxing.

[2805] And then there's a video of him.

[2806] That looks pretty good.

[2807] I didn't see that one.

[2808] Let me go to all the videos.

[2809] Did I mention I've been doing the dumbbells?

[2810] I think it's that the one, hmm, is that it?

[2811] I think it was before that.

[2812] You think that'll be the fight?

[2813] That's the announcement, but there was another one of him where it said, this is me at 60%.

[2814] Who wants to see 70%.

[2815] She's looking at him in the prime.

[2816] Maybe it's there?

[2817] Nope.

[2818] What does it say there?

[2819] Did you see him in his prime?

[2820] It was really recent.

[2821] It's him.

[2822] He's hitting the bag.

[2823] He's doing some other stuff.

[2824] He was tough.

[2825] Oh, he was amazing.

[2826] He's one of the greatest heavyweights of all time.

[2827] Either way.

[2828] That's okay.

[2829] Wow.

[2830] But he's basically, you know, him going through a workout.

[2831] He's throwing some punches, hitting the bag.

[2832] Throwing some uppercuts and you're like, wow.

[2833] What if it's a Tyson Holyfield fight?

[2834] Dude, that's the fight.

[2835] If you were going to make a crazy fight of two 50 -year -old guys, that's the fight.

[2836] People would pay for that for sure.

[2837] Oh, fuck yeah.

[2838] Oh, fuck, yeah, they would.

[2839] But here's the thing.

[2840] Do you just jump right into that?

[2841] Or do you?

[2842] Yes, you do.

[2843] Do you let Tyson fight a bartender first?

[2844] Just from a promo standpoint to get everyone excited?

[2845] Well, there was a good.

[2846] guy who's a rugby player who's uh i believe he's seven and oh in boxing i think they offered tyson a fight to fight that guy and i think his thought is no he wants to fight a real boxer like not just a guy who's like a hobbyist right yeah let him take down some tomato can i've been training lately too oh my goodness 54 year old lennox lewis hey man imagine imagine if in this day and age the three of them have like a fucking fight off you know like a super six tournament yeah Fuck, that would be crazy.

[2847] They can take testosterone these guys?

[2848] I don't know.

[2849] Would that be okay?

[2850] In the boxing federation?

[2851] I don't know where they get it done.

[2852] I don't know who does the testing, what the rules are.

[2853] It would depend.

[2854] It would vary on the state athletic commissions.

[2855] You could always do things on tribal land.

[2856] They have their own rules.

[2857] Right.

[2858] You could always make agreements.

[2859] Like the fighter can't take more than this or that.

[2860] And you have to be within this level or that level.

[2861] Because you don't want guys like juiced up on some psycho.

[2862] drugs.

[2863] No, no. Because also, like, if you're not going to drug test at all, like, okay, there's other stuff that people could take.

[2864] People take Adderall and fight.

[2865] Oh, yeah.

[2866] Yeah.

[2867] Just for focus?

[2868] Yeah, I've seen people who actually were on Adderall who were told by the Athletic Commission that they couldn't take the Adderall.

[2869] They had to get off of it, and then they had to wean themselves off and then come back and fight.

[2870] Jeez.

[2871] Wow.

[2872] Yeah, there was quite a bit of an issue because there's guys who were prescribed it by the doctors.

[2873] You know, they have ADHD or something.

[2874] Right.

[2875] And they're on this Adderal.

[2876] And the Athletic Commission was like, no, sir.

[2877] Oh, yeah.

[2878] You know, I did a baseball event.

[2879] It was the all -star game for softball.

[2880] You know, the softball game before the softball game before the all -star game the next day.

[2881] Celebrity Legends thing.

[2882] And you get to play with all the baseball players.

[2883] And I hang out with the baseball players.

[2884] And they were all talking about how in the 70s and 80s, they would, when you were pitching, you would put amphetamines in the coffee because you wanted everybody to be super alert and be able to see stuff and you wanted everybody to play your best while you were pitching.

[2885] They were like, it was just common.

[2886] You just, people were taking that pills and stuff all the time.

[2887] And then focus for the batters as well, right?

[2888] Yeah, so their team would win while you're pitching.

[2889] Yeah, but not even just.

[2890] They would see the ball as a big.

[2891] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2892] Yeah, I've never done them.

[2893] Me neither.

[2894] But I know a lot of pool players who really got into amphetamines during gambling events.

[2895] Uh -huh.

[2896] Because the pool culture is very strange when it comes to gambling.

[2897] Yeah.

[2898] One of the big things is they play until someone quits.

[2899] Right.

[2900] It's like you can win, like you can say, okay, we'll do a race to 10.

[2901] Right.

[2902] And if you beat me, and if I want to play you a second race and you just bail, you get a bad reputation in the world of gamblers.

[2903] The idea is, and this is very debatable.

[2904] Some guys don't feel bad about stopping early and some guys do.

[2905] But the old school, hardcore guys would never quit.

[2906] That's like a scene in The Hustler with Jackie Gleason and Paul Newman.

[2907] Swears them down.

[2908] They go all night.

[2909] And then all through the next night.

[2910] He has a breakdown.

[2911] He's just all sweaty.

[2912] And then Fats starts putting himself together.

[2913] He's like, oh, it's better at the end.

[2914] Yep.

[2915] He washes his hands.

[2916] So great.

[2917] Yeah, he changes his shoes.

[2918] Titans his tie.

[2919] Powdered his hands up.

[2920] Like a baby fat.

[2921] And he goes, yeah.

[2922] He goes, Fast Eddie, let's play some pool.

[2923] And then Paul Newman's drunk.

[2924] I mean, it's a classic scene.

[2925] So great.

[2926] But it's a realistic scene in terms of like the culture of like hardcore gamblers in pool and in the 70s and the 80s when gambling was a really big thing with pool players who travel all across the country there's all these great road stories yeah there's one by david becomeer about my friend tony anagoni it's called playing off the rail and it's all about them just traveling from town to town gambling wow that's great but tony would do it completely naturally like tony was just a strong -minded really good pool player who would do it with no drugs but other guys would take hard core amphetamines right and be up for day it was famous that guys would have like these sessions you would go home and go to bed and then you call a pool hall at like noon like they're still going like what oh my they went all through the night and they played all through the day so you would go down there like after lunch yeah it'd be three in the afternoon these guys who'd been playing pool from seven p .m. the night before we were still playing and still talking shit to each other and They're all just gacked up on speed.

[2927] Until somebody broke.

[2928] Yeah, there was speed guys.

[2929] And then there was the guys who were the natural guys who get mad at the speed guys.

[2930] Yeah, he needs that shit in his system.

[2931] He can't fucking play me like a man. Could I, should I take testosterone?

[2932] Would it make me feel?

[2933] You should go to a doctor and find out what your testosterone levels are.

[2934] You mean, you might not have to.

[2935] When I went from my physical, it wasn't low.

[2936] Oh, you're good to go.

[2937] I was, but it's got to be lower.

[2938] than it was when I was 17.

[2939] I'm sure it is.

[2940] And there's some strategies to lift it up, and one of the best ones is stop eating bread.

[2941] Sorry.

[2942] What?

[2943] God damn it.

[2944] Some people think that's actually true.

[2945] Some people think of one of the best ways to keep your hormones strong is to have less inflammation in your body.

[2946] Right.

[2947] Right, right.

[2948] And carnivore diet, like any diet where you're eating very little carbs.

[2949] Yeah.

[2950] Probably will boost it a little bit.

[2951] Yeah.

[2952] It's good for people that have autoimmune issues for some strange reason.

[2953] When people cut out bread and pasta and sugar and even vegetables, some people with like psoriasis, it just goes away.

[2954] Really?

[2955] That's weird, man. Yeah.

[2956] That's extreme.

[2957] Yeah.

[2958] It's a weird.

[2959] I did it for a month.

[2960] It's a weird way to live your life.

[2961] Yeah.

[2962] You know, it's like you get tired of.

[2963] It does feel great, though, to, you know, I'm not going to live that way, but when it's just, when you don't have any of that.

[2964] that and just have some of your elk or whatever and vegetables and just eggs the next morning and just even just for like two days you feel like different yeah really it's like a person who doesn't fly yeah yeah if you're eating healthy food I mean healthy food is the number one building block for your body yeah you have to think about it like if you're making your body like your body is essentially building itself up all the time and regenerating tissue and regenerating cells right we all know this yeah if that's happening what is it doing it with what are you providing what kind of protein what kind of vitamins cool ranch Doritos holy cow we're gonna have to build a house with this shit and it's got to build your body with this horrible foundation you should almost look at it that way yeah that's a good way to look at it i don't think there's anything wrong with eating a little bit of bullshit every now and then sure but you're literally using it as fuel right to to to to power your body you want to give it the best fuel possible yeah of course of course like I know I know people like my friend Cam Haynes he drinks he pours water into cereal because he won't use dairy mm -hmm what about a nut milk you'd never catch that motherfucker drinking nut milk nice a little almond milk it's too hard it's too hard but he pours water under cereal I'm like what the fuck just don't eat cereal don't eat cereal yeah he wants a cereal just doesn't want food is fuel it's just fuel i know i know it's all it is yeah and look if you're living that's that way that's fine but not me baby not me baby a bottle of wine some nice bread some nice cheese once in a while sit outside with your wife and just have a nice little moment yes that's not about fuel that's about something else it's about living your life yeah there's enjoyment is pleasure in those meals yes a hundred percent yeah is it like pasta it's like i was talking to Adam Perry Lang about food, what he calls comfort food.

[2965] I'm like, yeah, that's a good name for it, that expression that people love to use, comfort food.

[2966] Yeah, I mean, because that's kind of what's happening.

[2967] It's like giving you a hug in your mouth.

[2968] It is.

[2969] Yeah, it's a big cuddly grandma's boom.

[2970] Some real good back and cheese.

[2971] Right in between grandma's big boobs in her house dress.

[2972] Yes.

[2973] You smell the flour on her apron.

[2974] Yeah, come on.

[2975] Oh, whatever you grew up with like that?

[2976] Yeah.

[2977] It could just make you five again.

[2978] Especially, like, things that are, like, cheesy, like stews or, you know, like, just pasta with melted cheese and soft, like, lasagna.

[2979] Oh, come on, come on.

[2980] Lasonia is such a great creation.

[2981] Oh, it's so good.

[2982] Whatever wizard figured out how to put together that concoction.

[2983] Because think of what they're doing, like, hold on, I got a fucking idea.

[2984] We got to get a melt pan.

[2985] We do it some pasta on the bottom.

[2986] We do it some pasta on the bottom.

[2987] I'm going to put a pasta on the bottom.

[2988] I'm going to put a sauce.

[2989] I'm going to put a cheese.

[2990] More pasta.

[2991] Don't forget the meat.

[2992] Don't forget the meat.

[2993] Oh, the fucking pork.

[2994] It's all about the pork.

[2995] We are going to have three times meat.

[2996] Three times meat.

[2997] It just stacked it in there like this meat and pasta cheese sandwich.

[2998] Another layer?

[2999] Yeah, another layer.

[3000] And then the tomato sauce.

[3001] And you know there's no if ands or butts.

[3002] That's not good for you.

[3003] You don't give a fuck.

[3004] Oh, my God.

[3005] No one's got nutritious pasta that's like lasagna.

[3006] There has never been an athlete that was at.

[3007] the podium with a metal around his name saying I'd like to thank the people that made my lasagna there's something about it though like when you're eating it you're like I don't give a fuck I don't care if this is bad for me this is so good I make that on Christmas Eve oh it's such a good thing to make oh and it's becomes like you know because it's a lot of work you're only doing that a couple times a year and when you do it like now the kids all think of Christmas Eve as the little time for the lasagna I mean that's that's memories that's love that's all of that stuff wrapped into one.

[3008] My grandmother used to make her own pasta.

[3009] She did everything.

[3010] Really?

[3011] Everything was homemade.

[3012] Oh, my God.

[3013] Yeah, it was crazy.

[3014] Like, I grew up with that.

[3015] Oh.

[3016] When I was a little kid, I remember when I was over their house, like my grandmother, she had like the rolling pin, the flour, and she's making the dough and she's pressing everything and pouring the flour on it and pressing it again.

[3017] A master.

[3018] Where was this?

[3019] Where was she?

[3020] Jersey.

[3021] Jersey.

[3022] She was reckless, this lady.

[3023] She would cut a loaf of bread towards her.

[3024] with a giant ass knife like this I'm like your tits grandma your tits are right there don't cut yourself I can't think she's gonna cut herself never she's been doing it every day for her whole life yeah her whole fucking life reckless lady oh that's the best cut towards your tip with a giant old knife but you knew when you walked in there you were gonna be fed the only thing they didn't make is bread we would get bread my grandfather had two places he would go in the neighborhood and he would take me on a walk with them to get the bread It was only a couple of blocks away.

[3025] Amazing.

[3026] Wild, man. Italian immigrant cooking.

[3027] That was my grandparents, too.

[3028] And what was amazing, too, is even when they weren't going all out, if they just did something simple, it was like the most mind -blowing.

[3029] She used to make an escarole, which is just like this leafy.

[3030] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[3031] Oh, just Tommy, just take this, take a little piece of bread, just have that.

[3032] And it's like, come on.

[3033] Yes.

[3034] Come on to your knees.

[3035] Yes.

[3036] She would make these little twists, these little pasta twist.

[3037] And it was all fresh pasta.

[3038] So when you bite into it, it was like, it had this chew to it.

[3039] It was so satisfying.

[3040] With the homemade tomato sauce.

[3041] Bro, it all came from my grandfather's tomatoes and he would grow in the backyard.

[3042] She would do the whole thing from scratch.

[3043] Boil the tomatoes and make the sauce and add the garlic.

[3044] The kitchen just, you'd walk in, you'd be like, I'm fucking starving.

[3045] Like, what is happening in here?

[3046] I always said as soon as I got out of the car in the driveway, the smell would just carry you into the house.

[3047] Oh, the tomato sauce that smelled, the garlic.

[3048] Good for your soul.

[3049] Good for your soul.

[3050] Now, I'll never forget that, man. Never forget watching her make things.

[3051] And she wanted, she wanted to make it for everybody.

[3052] She wanted everybody to eat her homemade pasta.

[3053] Oh, she knew she was good at it.

[3054] Oh, for sure.

[3055] We would go crazy.

[3056] She would serve us, and she'd just look at us.

[3057] And she'd be like, oh, my God, Grandma.

[3058] Was it a big family?

[3059] Did you have, like, cousins and stuff?

[3060] Yeah, yeah, everybody would come over.

[3061] Yeah, we would do, you know, before she got sick.

[3062] Yeah.

[3063] She had a, she had a stroke.

[3064] Oh, yeah.

[3065] It was horrible, man. How old?

[3066] She wasn't on old, and she lived for another 12 years.

[3067] Wow.

[3068] They thought that she had 48 hours to live.

[3069] The doctor was like, you know, she's got maybe 72 or something.

[3070] Oh, my God.

[3071] Say her goodbye.

[3072] She's in bad shape.

[3073] Twelve years.

[3074] She had a stroke, and people didn't, they didn't know one knew.

[3075] She fell down outside.

[3076] You know, she had a hemorrhage, and she fell down outside, and, like, they didn't find her for, like, a look.

[3077] half hour or something like no one knew that she'd been out there that's the whole key with stroke is speed yeah that's what they say right but we only learned that like last week oh that's brutal yeah aneurysms are crazy right like you just everything's fine yeah one day just boom things start bleeding no i don't like to think of those at all it's terrifying god but you got enough years in where she was cooking yeah but it was it was also uh for just for life for me for a life lesson to see someone who you know knew was you know always like this larger than life character yeah my grandmother was she was really fun yeah she was really weird too like she would wear wigs and shit she was a she's a strange lady that's great but a powerful lady yeah and then to see her confined to a bed for the rest of the time that i saw her and then when i moved to new york yeah when i was um 23 or 24 when i when i first moved to new york um i stayed with them because i didn't have any money and my grandparents lived in this neighborhood that was really deteriorating their next door neighbor like the fucking the DEA broke down his front door with a battering ram he was selling crack and shit shit oh man the neighborhood got heavy but to stay with them while they're in the twilight of their life and my grandmother was in really bad shape so she would like moan all the time make these horrible noises oh really for years kind of a thing or yeah yeah It lasted a long time, man. But it made me, the lesson was, okay, you have to really savor the moments because they can go away.

[3078] Yeah.

[3079] They can go away quick.

[3080] And also, you got to take care of your body.

[3081] Yeah.

[3082] Like you have to.

[3083] And no one from her generation did.

[3084] Forget it.

[3085] They were just trying to survive, man. Exactly.

[3086] She was a kid during the Depression.

[3087] Yeah.

[3088] So people that were kids during the Depression, man, they were scared.

[3089] Yeah, they didn't eat.

[3090] I mean, they had no joke.

[3091] Not like now I'm starving, like real starving.

[3092] Yeah, like terrifying, terrifying times, you know.

[3093] And you saw how they treated food that whole generation.

[3094] Like my grandmother wouldn't throw anything out.

[3095] There was no waste because they always felt like you could, right around the corner, it could be another time when you're not going to have it.

[3096] Also, you didn't cook anything new.

[3097] You just ate the leftovers.

[3098] You had to eat your fucking leftovers where you cook some new shit.

[3099] That's right.

[3100] You know?

[3101] I know.

[3102] I always feel wasteful when I think of that.

[3103] Yeah.

[3104] Well, that's one thing that hunting does, for sure.

[3105] Yeah.

[3106] Like you feel very differently about things that you don't use.

[3107] Yeah.

[3108] It's not the same.

[3109] It's like if I don't use, you know, a piece of chicken, I don't feel as bad.

[3110] Right.

[3111] But if I don't use a piece of elk, I'm like, oh, my God, I feel terrible.

[3112] I'm always erring in the side of cooking too little.

[3113] Or I make some so I could eat the next day.

[3114] But I eat it the next day.

[3115] Like, I like to eat it with, like, there's a Chipotle lime mayonnaise that Primal Kitchen makes.

[3116] Oh, yeah.

[3117] It's like avocado oil mayonnaise, and it's got a little bit of kick to it.

[3118] I eat the elk in the morning with.

[3119] Cold elk?

[3120] Yes.

[3121] Cold elk with this Chipotle line.

[3122] Oh, that's good.

[3123] Oh, it's so good.

[3124] Yeah, it's avocado oil.

[3125] Oh, man. Oh, man. It tastes delicious.

[3126] That's so good.

[3127] And it gives you the fats, too, because, you know, that elk's super lean.

[3128] Yeah, that's so good.

[3129] That stuff is so good.

[3130] I mean, I've been living on it all during quarantine.

[3131] It's crazy, right?

[3132] So good.

[3133] Yeah.

[3134] So good.

[3135] I mean, even like when I bought one steak during the time from the supermarket and it just wasn't as good.

[3136] It's like, I can't.

[3137] I can't, yeah, I can't even explain why.

[3138] It's just a different kind of meat.

[3139] Yeah, it's just, um, you got to realize those are warriors.

[3140] Yeah.

[3141] You're eating warriors.

[3142] Like, I know them.

[3143] Like, I snuck up on them.

[3144] Like, this is not a, it's not conjecture.

[3145] Yeah.

[3146] This is fact.

[3147] Isn't from a pen.

[3148] It was actually there while they were screaming.

[3149] Right.

[3150] Yeah.

[3151] Yeah.

[3152] You got to honor that.

[3153] There's not, it's a connection to it.

[3154] First of all, it's better for you for you, for sure.

[3155] Yeah.

[3156] Like, it feels better for you.

[3157] Like, God damn.

[3158] good yeah and also there's a connection that just doesn't exist with your food yeah in any other way it's even if you grow something growing something is great like I've grown vegetables and fruit and stuff and eating it feels good that you're eating something yeah oh 100 % but when you eat a piece of elk from an animal that you stalked shot with a bow and arrow that's off the charts it's got to be that connection's off the charts it's got to be yeah it's I mean because even even just knowing you and knowing that you hunted for it yeah has an effect on I'm my eating it.

[3159] Dude, I can show you a video of that animal getting shot.

[3160] You can almost be there when it happened.

[3161] Yeah.

[3162] Yeah, that's, um...

[3163] Yeah, it's heavy.

[3164] It's different.

[3165] It's totally different.

[3166] Well, this is a thing that happened during this quarantine.

[3167] So many people got interested in hunting.

[3168] Big shift.

[3169] Yeah.

[3170] Giant shift because people realize like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[3171] Right.

[3172] Food supply chain, this might not be stable.

[3173] That's right.

[3174] Like, if you can't drive a truck because everybody's got the zombie plague, Like, how the fuck do I get a hamburger?

[3175] Yeah.

[3176] I don't get a hamburger.

[3177] Right.

[3178] Wendy's is out of hamburgers.

[3179] You know about that?

[3180] No. Wendy's.

[3181] Really?

[3182] Fucking Wendy's.

[3183] They ran out of hamburgers.

[3184] Yeah, they don't have any beef.

[3185] Jeez.

[3186] So that's not everywhere and they don't want people to fucking panic and they think they can solve all this.

[3187] And in fact, I think, didn't the government step in and say they were going to start buying people's meat and milk to make sure that the supply chain doesn't get interrupted?

[3188] because of financial hardship.

[3189] And they want to make sure these farms don't fucking go under.

[3190] Right, right.

[3191] So we're not growing anything.

[3192] We're not, where are we getting our food?

[3193] So there's a lot of people that started thinking about hunting, a lot.

[3194] Isn't it funny?

[3195] Like all that stuff cooking at home?

[3196] How about guns?

[3197] The bread baking at home, the hunting, all those things that you had to do for centuries.

[3198] And then only in this brief moment have you not had to do any of that stuff.

[3199] You know what I mean?

[3200] Those food chains like Wendy's.

[3201] Like, I mean, that's a new thing that it became that easy.

[3202] And then all of a sudden, it's back to being worried about where the food comes home.

[3203] Like that.

[3204] Yeah.

[3205] Well, Wendy says they have plenty of burgers, but they had a small problem at some stores because they deliver fresh beef and they want to keep it fresh.

[3206] Yeah, they ran out.

[3207] They ran out.

[3208] Wow.

[3209] Yeah.

[3210] Nobody ever thought what happened to some Wendy's places.

[3211] How many stores was it where they ran out of it?

[3212] Some.

[3213] It says some.

[3214] It doesn't.

[3215] Some.

[3216] It's all of them, bitch.

[3217] line you're right out of beef it's really ironic because remember their commercial where's the beef where's the beef that's literally the thing they put back out like where's the beef they're really good at oh that's what they said since you've been asking yeah funny well it's because they're that's why their burgers are delicious yeah like if you have a choice but you know one o 'clock in the morning that's my spot oh yeah yeah if there's nothing else open like i know there if i go to wendies it's way better than most of those right places i never go to there it's fresh eating the elk too is what's interesting is and it might be what they add to it but like if I go to a steakhouse and have a steak I can't sleep that night like I'm having meat sweats and just like in your gut yeah it feels weird eating I can eat the same amount of the elk and it's I think I just digest it quicker I think all that bread bacteria in your stomach it won't tolerate any incoming troops from you son of a bitch you know because you get the gut flora I think you know how that happens?

[3218] Like if people that eat a lot of sugar, for instance, you eat a lot of candy, your body starts craving that shit, and your gut flora wants candy all the time.

[3219] Oh, really?

[3220] What is that candida?

[3221] That's what it's called, that type of, it's one of the gut flores.

[3222] Right.

[3223] No, I have really good gut flora.

[3224] Not for steak.

[3225] But, yeah, like, if I eat a big steak and a steak, but it's also tons of butter and, you know, who knows what else you're eating with it.

[3226] But I think the elk is just lean.

[3227] I think it's just lean.

[3228] It's very different.

[3229] Yeah.

[3230] It has an energy to it, too.

[3231] Yeah.

[3232] Deer meat does as well.

[3233] Deer meat has an energy to it.

[3234] Yeah.

[3235] It's because there's like a, hmm.

[3236] That's what my brother -in -law and sister, he, in Jersey from hunting.

[3237] They're just living on that during quarantine.

[3238] Do you think you'd ever hunt?

[3239] I don't know.

[3240] I think probably.

[3241] Yeah.

[3242] Yeah.

[3243] You know where you should try.

[3244] I could hunt.

[3245] You should try to go to Lanai.

[3246] Lanai.

[3247] Yeah, because there's an animal there called an Axis deer that we hunt.

[3248] And it's really delicious.

[3249] It's also an invasive species.

[3250] They have way too many of.

[3251] them they hire snipers to come in and shoot the deer right it's not like anything you've ever seen yeah okay lanai has 3 ,000 people super nice people yeah really cool place 30 ,000 deer dude oh my god these are just estimates might be 20 ,000 might be 30 ,000 they don't know there's so many man so does it even feel like hunting yes because you well for me because I'm doing it with a bow and arrow right very difficult yeah very difficult but for a rifle hunter it's 100 % success rate right 100%.

[3252] But you will actually be doing good.

[3253] Sure.

[3254] You can look at it one way.

[3255] You can say, oh, is it even hunting?

[3256] Yeah.

[3257] Well, what's your goal?

[3258] Is your goal for it to be really difficult or is your goal to be successful in gathering meat in an ethical way?

[3259] Right.

[3260] So it's your goal is just to get the meat in an ethical way.

[3261] It's 100 % successful.

[3262] Because it's 100 % a good thing to do because they have to do it anyway.

[3263] And the food is great for you.

[3264] Yeah.

[3265] No, look, it's kind of similar to golf in a way.

[3266] golf is a really great game it's really it's it's thoughtful it's there's bonding with it's a it's challenging it's all that stuff and then there's a faction of it that's filled with douchebags filled with guys who you don't want to talk to you don't want to be friends with who are just big blowhard douchebags finance guys right and there's i'm sure in hunting and in everything else there's that same thing it's people like what you just described is like i would do that in a second yeah and then there's other people that just kind of like abuse it and like we're throwing our beer cans and to the worst.

[3267] There's way less of those people than you would imagine.

[3268] Yeah.

[3269] It's way more people that respect it.

[3270] That's good.

[3271] But there's also different kinds of hunting.

[3272] Like there's, um, there's mountain hunting in like Colorado or Utah or, or Wyoming, or Montana.

[3273] That's the hardest shit.

[3274] That's gorgeous though.

[3275] There's like a special level of hunter that's like a fitness fanatic.

[3276] Right.

[3277] Backpacking.

[3278] Right.

[3279] This is, that's the top of the food chain world.

[3280] It's like the bow hunter that lives off his back that goes into public ground and hikes in the backcountry 12 miles in shoots and now carries it out on his back literally yeah like eight trips to do my god those are those are like athletes yeah that get their food from hunting that's crazy yeah those are exceptional people like what happens how do you get it out of the woods do my friend adam green tree he was uh he's the guy who shot that uh buffalo up there wow he went to colorado it was a He went through a couple different places where he was out in the woods for 28 days by himself solo.

[3281] 28 days.

[3282] 28 days until he finally got an elk.

[3283] And he put it all on his Instagram.

[3284] And then he had to pack the elk out.

[3285] But in those 28 days, he documented everything on his Instagram stories.

[3286] And one of them, he had a fucking encounter with a grizzly bear.

[3287] So grizzly bear kept bluff charging him.

[3288] And he had a pistol that had the wrong round in it.

[3289] So the pistol wasn't even effective.

[3290] So he's pointing a gun at the grizzly bear.

[3291] and if you're looking at it you can tell that the gun is jammed like the the bullet isn't even in the it's not even in the chamber oh my god he has the wrong round oh my god he's pointing this like dummy gun thinking he's going to stop this bear and the bear's just running at him and he didn't even realize it until after this was over that the gun didn't work he got the gun from somebody else to protect him from bears while he's out there oh my god 28 days that's a long time but dude there's videos of the bears like looking at him standing at watch this video right oh that's him that's it she comes up to the thomas but you see how the gun's jammed see that hole right see that opening that's because the round's not in the chamber so he's get this pistol and she's not aware of it in the background oh yeah yeah yeah she's gonna drop down and then you realize oh my god that's a bear oh my god oh yeah oh my god and she kept charging him holy cow she bluff charged him three times oh she must have cubs around or something yeah that's what he thinks and they just decide that you're a threat and sometimes they follow you around too oh my god were you sleeping that night you know what i mean you know what i mean you know what else they do they put these little electric fences around their tents oh yeah to protect themselves little battery powered fences you give the barrel of joel oh i never heard of that yeah they do that in grizzly country wow yeah that's is that new that sounds new no they've been doing over the last for decades really yeah i wonder when they invented that it's pretty cool though they stick it in the ground and then they have a big car battery that powers the whole fucking thing.

[3292] You get up to pee at night.

[3293] You piss on it.

[3294] Yikes.

[3295] Yeah, that's a different kind of connection to your food.

[3296] He takes it on a whole other level.

[3297] I don't do that.

[3298] I'm not good enough to do that.

[3299] But there's something to all those kind of it's just being thoughtful about any stage of it.

[3300] Like your grandmother making the pasta.

[3301] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[3302] That thing, that she's actually doing it.

[3303] That action, it changes it.

[3304] It changes her her relation to it, the relation that she has in feeding somebody else.

[3305] Yeah, for sure.

[3306] It's, there's something deep about that.

[3307] Yeah, and there's something cool, too, about ethnic food that comes from, like, the people that are, they are the actual immigrants themselves.

[3308] Yeah.

[3309] And they brought this food over.

[3310] I mean, my parents, my grandparents came over here when they were young.

[3311] Like, it's not like they were actually driving the boat.

[3312] Yeah.

[3313] They were just kids.

[3314] Yeah.

[3315] Once they got to America.

[3316] But they carried with them this, like, the connection to the immigrants.

[3317] Yeah.

[3318] The ones who actually decided they were going to take their babies and get on a boat and go across the ocean with no job prospects.

[3319] Not really sure what was going to happen.

[3320] Never been in the place before.

[3321] Didn't even have a picture of it probably.

[3322] Your first trip is I'm moving there.

[3323] How crazy is that?

[3324] Fuck.

[3325] And you've got kids.

[3326] So they came over when they were young kids.

[3327] Yeah.

[3328] Both my grandparents.

[3329] Yeah, mine too.

[3330] Same thing.

[3331] Same thing.

[3332] Imagine being you if you had no job prospects and you had.

[3333] had two young children, and you go, okay, this is what we're going to do.

[3334] We're going to put everybody in a boat.

[3335] Yeah.

[3336] And we're going to go to the other side of the planet because I heard there's jobs there.

[3337] Yeah.

[3338] No, no kidding.

[3339] Please.

[3340] Fuck.

[3341] How about the people that are just walking with their kids, just walking, just going towards something else?

[3342] I mean, the desperation of people to be in that spot.

[3343] Oh, yeah.

[3344] Well, how about people before houses?

[3345] You still have kids.

[3346] You still have babies.

[3347] But you can't even lock them in the house because you haven't invented houses yet.

[3348] They're like, shit.

[3349] Yeah.

[3350] I mean, you've really stopped to think about the hardships that other human beings have faced.

[3351] No, I know.

[3352] It makes our hardship seem so trivial.

[3353] And I think that's part of the problem that people are saying like, hey, yeah, this isn't great, right?

[3354] This pandemic is not good for anybody, but I don't know if you guys are handling it the way I would handle it.

[3355] And I don't know if you should be able to tell me how I can handle it.

[3356] I don't know if this is logical anymore.

[3357] Yeah.

[3358] and that we have to accept these hard times and we have to figure out another way to do other than just standing still and waiting for it to go away.

[3359] Yeah, yeah, it's very strange.

[3360] Because our society is kind of in place standing still.

[3361] No, and think about how short it's been that we've had to figure it out.

[3362] It's real quick.

[3363] Papal.

[3364] March, April, May, three months of like trying to figure out how real the threat is and what we're going to do with it.

[3365] I mean, it's...

[3366] Dude, I was driving down the street today and I saw this lady walk across the street with a mask on.

[3367] And I was like, oh, yeah.

[3368] there's a pandemic going on like you know what I'm saying I know for a moment I got so used to how weird everything is yeah yeah yeah that I forgot and then I see this lady walking across the street I was like oh yeah oh yeah we're in the middle of that this is this is happening yeah this is going to be one of those things where we look back we go that's the moment where I realize that life doesn't follow a pattern like the movies that life is just weirdly random and sometimes you find out that the people that are in charge of making the decisions for everybody else are no better at it than you or I. They're just, they're just, they just, they just have the job of doing it.

[3369] Making it up as they go along.

[3370] Right.

[3371] I know.

[3372] I know.

[3373] Can you imagine if, if it was up to you.

[3374] No. They said, hey, Tom Papa, you're a funny guy.

[3375] Why don't you tell us how we should restart the economy.

[3376] Yeah.

[3377] Right.

[3378] Exactly.

[3379] Yeah.

[3380] And one of your decisions, people are going to be dying on your watch regardless of which way you go.

[3381] Yeah, we're going to blame you.

[3382] Yeah.

[3383] And you're going to be blamed for it.

[3384] No. I don't envy them at all.

[3385] Do you see that lady who got into it with Trump?

[3386] No This reporter First of all She was asking a question With a mask on Which is like Settle down That's so crazy Everybody there had to have a mask on But he didn't have a mask on And she took it off When she got mad Oh she did Yeah play it Play the video She took it off When she got mad So this is what happened He was saying She was saying Why are you Bragging about How many Americans Have been tested And that the United States Test more people than anybody Right When 80 ,000 people have died.

[3387] Like, why is this a competition for you?

[3388] And so he says, he said that you should ask China.

[3389] He said, people are dying everywhere.

[3390] If you want to ask someone about that, you should ask China.

[3391] And she says, why did you say that specifically to me?

[3392] Because she's Asian.

[3393] Oh.

[3394] And then he goes, thank you.

[3395] Next question to someone else.

[3396] and then this lady steps in, and she was going to, she was like, I have a question, and then she wanted to let her talk, like, let her, was going to give her question to that lady, so she'd ask, again, this is something that reporters are doing now.

[3397] It's adorable.

[3398] The president says, next person, and he goes, sir, he goes, yes, you, he goes, I'd like to give my colleague this question, and then they give it back to her.

[3399] So the reporters are forcing him to ask questions in a really sneaky way, and it seems like, it seems like they're all in on it.

[3400] So when one of them has, like, some sort of a contentious exchange, the president and the president says next so they say sir over here goes you he goes i'd like to give this question to my colleague it's some crazy keepaway game they're playing and uh you know he goes and she goes why are you saying that specifically to me you know because she's Asian and he goes I'm not saying it specifically to anybody I'm just saying you should ask China right it's it's kind of crazy like watch this the US is doing far better than any other country when it comes to testing.

[3401] Yes.

[3402] Why does that matter?

[3403] Why is this a global competition to you if every day Americans are still losing their lives and we're still seeing more cases every day?

[3404] Well, they're losing their lives everywhere in the world and maybe that's a question you should ask China.

[3405] Don't ask me, ask China that question, okay?

[3406] When you ask them that question, you may get a very unusual answer.

[3407] Yes, behind you please.

[3408] Yeah.

[3409] Hold on.

[3410] Here goes.

[3411] Watch when she gets mad.

[3412] Sir, why are you saying that to me specifically?

[3413] I'm telling you.

[3414] I'm not saying it specifically to anybody.

[3415] I'm saying it to anybody that would ask a nasty question like that.

[3416] That's not a nasty question.

[3417] Why does it matter?

[3418] Okay.

[3419] Anybody else?

[3420] Please, go ahead.

[3421] Watch.

[3422] I have two questions.

[3423] No, it's okay.

[3424] But you pointed to me. I have two questions, Mr. President.

[3425] Next, please.

[3426] You called on me. I did, and you didn't respond.

[3427] And now I'm calling on the young lady in the back.

[3428] Please.

[3429] I just want to let my colleague finish.

[3430] gentlemen, thank you very much.

[3431] I just want to let my college finish.

[3432] They know how to do this.

[3433] They have this little sneaky move.

[3434] They've done it before.

[3435] It's pretty interesting.

[3436] They've come up with ways to deal with.

[3437] To get around the angry substitute teacher.

[3438] It's so strange to see a guy who's the president, regardless of whether or not you think he's handling anything well.

[3439] It's so strange to see that, like, that's such, he's supposed to be the media guy.

[3440] Right.

[3441] He's supposed to be the guy that's like the savvy, television.

[3442] performer guy and to handle that that poorly yeah I know I don't understand why it would take so little for him to have every his numbers would be through the roof but this is what happens they're they're playing a game right and they just won that hand because the game is talk condescending to you right why is it a competition to you when all these people are dying right he said people are dying all over the world if you want to know why you should ask China.

[3443] That's a good answer to a question that's a gotcha question, but then she makes it racial.

[3444] I know.

[3445] Because it wasn't necessarily racial.

[3446] He didn't come in with a hard chuh.

[3447] He did.

[3448] China.

[3449] But he does that.

[3450] China.

[3451] But that's still not racist.

[3452] I know.

[3453] So if he was talking to a white man, and the white man said that to him, and he said, you should ask China.

[3454] Sure.

[3455] He would say the same thing.

[3456] Yes.

[3457] It's just the worst case scenario that that question gets asked by a lady.

[3458] with a mask on who's Asian China.

[3459] And then she gets mad and she takes the mask off.

[3460] Let motherfuckers know she's not even playing by the rules anymore.

[3461] Yeah.

[3462] Are you racist?

[3463] You know, it is a it is a beehive of an environment there.

[3464] It is, but it's also, I don't know if that's helping anybody like to chastise him and to get him riled up and I don't think it's helping anybody the way he's biting.

[3465] No. This, I mean, you know, it's a complete breakdown of what that used to be.

[3466] Yeah.

[3467] That's not what it used to be.

[3468] It's like this weird gotcha competition and then him getting pissy.

[3469] Yeah.

[3470] The fact that he stormed off like that.

[3471] It's a TV show.

[3472] We're watching a TV show.

[3473] We're not watching the adult telling us if it's going to be okay.

[3474] You're so right.

[3475] And during a pandemic, that is the worst time for some shit like that.

[3476] It's the worst.

[3477] I just, you just want some consolidation of real information.

[3478] Just tell me how to feel.

[3479] Dude, I remember after 9 -11, people hated Bush.

[3480] They thought he was really dumb and he couldn't spell.

[3481] And then, well, that was Dan Quayle.

[3482] But that was his insurance policy, right?

[3483] Yeah, and Quayle was so boring.

[3484] No, but people hated Bush going into that.

[3485] They hated him.

[3486] Hated him.

[3487] But then after 9 -11, he had some speeches that made, even people that I knew, there were hardcore liberals, like, all right, I love this guy.

[3488] It's a moment when you rally.

[3489] Yeah, well, he really rose to the occasion, too.

[3490] George Bush, after 9 -11, he gave people a sense of comfort.

[3491] That's right.

[3492] That's what you want.

[3493] You see people craving it.

[3494] We're craving it.

[3495] That's why when Cuomo and Newsom speak, and they just give you reassuring, very, very controlled, this isn't a, people gravitate, you're just like, okay, you just want to hear that.

[3496] You just want to, Giuliani was the same way after 9 -11.

[3497] It was like, okay, you're making me feel better.

[3498] That made Giuliani's reputation the way he handled it, like a leader.

[3499] 100%.

[3500] Yeah, it's, it's, you don't, you don't pit people against each other in a tragedy.

[3501] But it's unfortunate that he can't see that And he keeps getting caught It's like you know what it's like It's like he's boxing with someone who's piecing him up Like these things keep happening So he keeps having these exchanges Where these like heated exchanges and words get said It's bizarre It's really strange Was the one where he went off the fucking script Where he's talking about therapies Maybe we could get some disinfection It kills it in a minute We put in there a cleansing You see the woman next to Just like her eyes coming out of her head She's taking deep breaths so she doesn't pass out in the middle of it.

[3502] She was like, holy fuck.

[3503] So then after that, he responds that, you know, he was sarcastic.

[3504] The reporter's asking me, he said, he said, look, I'm not a doctor.

[3505] This is just an idea, because that's really what it was.

[3506] It was like, I might have done that on a podcast if I was, I'd have to be drunk.

[3507] You'd have to be out of your mind.

[3508] I've never seen you smoke that much weed.

[3509] I can get there.

[3510] I can get there if you leave me alone long enough.

[3511] I'll say something that dumb.

[3512] I said the dumbest shit of my life on this podcast, high.

[3513] Not that high.

[3514] But here's a thing, what came out of it, which is really fascinating.

[3515] There was an actual publicly traded biotech company that came up with an idea to get, when in intubated people, to get an ultraviolet light tube down through that into the lungs and illuminate.

[3516] Because using ultraviolet light, you can kill bacteria and kill viruses.

[3517] And that's one of the reasons why they have those things like steripens where you go backpacking.

[3518] you can get some water out of a creek and you just use this ultraviolet light kills everything inside that water.

[3519] Right, right.

[3520] So they actually had this bio company, publicly traded company, put out this video on how this can be done.

[3521] Well, their account was banned from Twitter.

[3522] Oh, really?

[3523] Is it a real company?

[3524] Yes, it's a real company.

[3525] And they let them back eventually.

[3526] Yeah.

[3527] But this is how toxic this relationship with the president is.

[3528] Right.

[3529] Where the president says something on TV.

[3530] Yeah.

[3531] And then people go, what the fuck did you just say?

[3532] Get light into people?

[3533] and then this publicly traded biotech companies like actually we've already been working on that and this is the concept and this is the science behind it because UV like kills back fuck you, you're banned they banned them they banned a biotech company from Twitter now they brought them back once it was explained to them but any other time in history like say if this was going on 10 years ago and there was a virus and the virus is infecting people's respiratory systems and someone said while these people are being intubated we can actually stick a light through the same tube that the ventilator uses and will illuminate the lungs.

[3534] We could actually probably kill a good deal of this bacteria.

[3535] People are like, oh, medical breakthrough.

[3536] Right.

[3537] And this day of age?

[3538] But you've had a complete disintegration, right?

[3539] That's the result of a breakdown.

[3540] And that's what's been so, that's why it doesn't work in communist countries.

[3541] Like, you can't trust the source for your information.

[3542] Right.

[3543] That's what we're at in a democracy.

[3544] No one can trust the sort.

[3545] We're all scrambling.

[3546] Like, does this one know?

[3547] Does this one know?

[3548] Does this one know?

[3549] But it's a direct result of his toxic relationship.

[3550] with the press.

[3551] Because people who are with him are so with him and people who are against him are so against it.

[3552] And it's almost like people with him.

[3553] Part of the reason why they're with them is because they're so against all these other fucking whiny, bitchy, liberal people that fucking, that size is so annoying.

[3554] I'm going with Trump.

[3555] He tells him to fuck off.

[3556] That's my favorite part.

[3557] Right.

[3558] He makes those people angry.

[3559] Yeah.

[3560] No, 100%.

[3561] It's a terrible relationship.

[3562] It's bad for everybody.

[3563] It's awful because if at any moment we should be uniting and taking care of care of each other, it's now.

[3564] It could make a big difference to us because it's like, if someone could get on television and come up with something that was not just comforting but actually accurate and useful, give us something to do.

[3565] Tell us what to do.

[3566] And if we could all act as one for the good of the country, we would come out of this stronger, better, ready to go.

[3567] Because we always, our whole life, we grew up thinking, we're Americans, we can do anything.

[3568] We can do it.

[3569] Just give us a challenge.

[3570] We can do it.

[3571] And to now have this breakdown, like, no, it's we're split apart and doing separate things.

[3572] Not only that, it's the only time in people's lives where things are failing, businesses are failing, and they did everything right.

[3573] Right, I know.

[3574] They did all the right things.

[3575] Right, working hard, doing the thing, busting ass.

[3576] They were smart.

[3577] They saved their money.

[3578] They invested.

[3579] They got a thing going.

[3580] It's getting going.

[3581] We got a successful business.

[3582] They've developed a great relationship in the community and then shut down for months.

[3583] No, everyone's piling up, no one's getting paid, your mortgage is due, your car payments do, your credit cards are due, you got to buy food, fuck.

[3584] And you see how quick that goes away.

[3585] So quick.

[3586] So when you hear shit like stay at home until July, fuck you.

[3587] You can't just say that.

[3588] No, you can't just say that.

[3589] Well, I think it's from a health care person who's making the suggestion, but I think the...

[3590] It's not the right decision.

[3591] There's other options.

[3592] I think a better option is quarantining the people that are sick.

[3593] I don't know if that's a...

[3594] Yeah.

[3595] Look, I don't know if that's possible.

[3596] because I'm a moron.

[3597] And I just talk on podcasts.

[3598] Sounds good to me. But I think it's not even my idea.

[3599] It's an idea that everybody's had.

[3600] A lot of people have had.

[3601] Many, many people.

[3602] If you're really vulnerable, don't go.

[3603] If you got a bad knee, you don't get to ski.

[3604] It's true.

[3605] It's true.

[3606] Yeah.

[3607] It's true.

[3608] We'll be all right, Joe.

[3609] We're going to be okay.

[3610] We better be Tom, Papa.

[3611] We're going to be all right.

[3612] I'm getting bored.

[3613] I know.

[3614] Me too.

[3615] I can't wait.

[3616] Oh, I can't wait to be walking into the club, seeing you in the back, hearing the crowd out front.

[3617] Ah, all that energy Looking forward to a lot of things Yeah, me too Looking forward to a lot of things Muso and Franks I'm looking forward to not feeling bad Not about me, not at all About seeing all These stories I was reading this guy's Twitter page This jiu -jitsu guy that I follow And there's this lady Who owns this This gym It's Tom de Blass T -O -M -D -E -B -A -S -S On his Instagram He had this photos of this lady crying because her gym is going under and this gym that she's had for 10 years and that they can't survive it and so you see shit like that and you're like this is another example like someone who didn't do anything wrong I know and then all their hard work just goes away this is the lady it's horrible yeah that's terrible it's horrible I know she'll rally she's motivated she could build that business she'll be back Ironside fitness gym she can do it She'll go into personal training.

[3618] Yeah, see at the bottom, if you can find that iron side.

[3619] What is the Instagram account?

[3620] It's not.

[3621] He didn't tag it.

[3622] Well, I don't know where that is.

[3623] I think he's a Jersey guy.

[3624] Yeah.

[3625] Fuck, man. Yeah, I know.

[3626] Just that kind of shit.

[3627] I know.

[3628] Let's get out of this already.

[3629] Of course, the people that have lost their lives, that's way worse.

[3630] Of course.

[3631] Of course, it's way worse.

[3632] No one's saying it's not.

[3633] But this is fucking sad, too, man. Yeah.

[3634] Sad that people build up.

[3635] these incredible communities, they build up this relationship with their customers and the people around them, and then it all goes away.

[3636] Yeah, no, it's brutal.

[3637] I know, it's hard.

[3638] From China.

[3639] China.

[3640] All because of China.

[3641] Ask them.

[3642] Just turn down the chuh.

[3643] What bad luck he got that that lady was Asian.

[3644] If she said that, if he was talking to anyone else, and they said that they wouldn't be able to say, why are you saying that's specific?

[3645] specifically to me. Yeah, yeah.

[3646] Like if it was a black man asking her that question or asking him that question.

[3647] Why are you asking China?

[3648] Why are you saying that specifically to me?

[3649] She pulls the mask down.

[3650] Why to me?

[3651] Oh, no. I know.

[3652] And also, she's like yelling with no mask on now.

[3653] Yeah.

[3654] Like, you're violating all the rules.

[3655] You can't just get mad.

[3656] Like, fuck everybody.

[3657] You're going to die.

[3658] Spray her.

[3659] The worst.

[3660] virus birth everywhere horrible horrible environment what for him man he he must be like I can't win horrible environment all I did my life is win win win win win win win yeah rappers used to put me in their songs when he came out and talked about the ratings that he was getting off of my god it was just like all right I'm not I can't he said the ratings were higher than the season final of the bachelor like what the fuck are you talking about that's when I was like this is not real what are you this can't be real what are you thinking this can't be real yeah it's so crazy that's the opposite of what we were saying George Bush did after 9 -11.

[3661] Right.

[3662] Rally.

[3663] Yes.

[3664] Be a leader.

[3665] That's what leadership is.

[3666] Say something that makes you get inspired.

[3667] Ronald Reagan was the best at that shit, man. Yeah, just rally you.

[3668] You made you feel like, oh, we can do it.

[3669] We can do anything.

[3670] Before people hated him, they didn't hate him really until like a second term, though, right?

[3671] Yeah.

[3672] Yeah.

[3673] By the end, people were really hot in him.

[3674] Parts of the country always disliked him.

[3675] If you were poor, you were a minority.

[3676] He was never your, you were never a fan.

[3677] but uh but he would give a speech yeah oh man powerful voice he was an actor yeah he was an actor he's a reality shit stir that's what those right that's what reality stars are they stir shit up right Reagan was an actor he could give you the big monologue yeah it's a difference do you remember when he's i don't know if you ever saw this but he was addressed the united nations and he was talking about how quickly we would all join together if we were faced with a force from outside this world.

[3678] It's a crazy speech.

[3679] Yeah.

[3680] Because all the UFO people went nuts.

[3681] He knows.

[3682] He fucking knows.

[3683] Right.

[3684] It's a great speech, though.

[3685] Because it's true.

[3686] Yeah.

[3687] It's true.

[3688] Like, we would realize all our differences are bullshit.

[3689] If aliens had invaded us, we would all unite as human beings.

[3690] Right.

[3691] That's what's weird about this.

[3692] Like, you could kind of have that moment now.

[3693] Yes.

[3694] Exactly.

[3695] That's why I brought it up.

[3696] Yeah.

[3697] That's someone could say that.

[3698] We need to unite.

[3699] Yeah.

[3700] Someone could say...

[3701] This is us.

[3702] But they have to say it in a way.

[3703] People of planet Earth.

[3704] It can't be self -congratiatory.

[3705] Not at all.

[3706] You take yourself out of it.

[3707] But he does too much of that.

[3708] You put it in the power of the people you're talking to.

[3709] That's the technique.

[3710] But imagine being him where your whole life you've gotten ahead because you're self -congratulatory.

[3711] But that's his whole thing.

[3712] Yeah.

[3713] That's his whole thing.

[3714] It always works.

[3715] It's just letting everybody know, you're the shit.

[3716] Yeah, right.

[3717] And then all of a sudden you can't do that anymore.

[3718] Like, how much can you make an adjustment in your 70s while you're the president?

[3719] Yeah.

[3720] And you have to make an adjustment and be someone who you've never been.

[3721] All of a sudden, you're not the shit.

[3722] Yeah.

[3723] You can't even say you're the shit.

[3724] No. What a terrible job.

[3725] So awful.

[3726] I'd much rather be a comedian.

[3727] Or you'd much rather be publishing.

[3728] Tom Popper, you're doing great.

[3729] It's available now everywhere.

[3730] Audio book, too, for sure.

[3731] Yeah.

[3732] And other reasons to stay alive.

[3733] My pleasure, brother.

[3734] Yeah, really cool.

[3735] Thanks to the bread.

[3736] I appreciate you always.

[3737] Have to come out on the podcast.

[3738] Yes, we'll do it.

[3739] Teach me your ways.

[3740] Breaking bread, baby.

[3741] Wizard bread making.

[3742] And where's the podcast available, the breaking bread?

[3743] Wherever your podcasts are available, or wherever you get them.

[3744] Visual as well.

[3745] On YouTube, yeah.

[3746] Yeah, me and Segora do the first one together.

[3747] And it was really great.

[3748] He told all these great stories about his grandmother, his mom making all of these sweets.

[3749] I'm telling you, just once you start talking about food, we'll have to talk more about your grandma.

[3750] We'll do it for sure.

[3751] All right.

[3752] I love you, buddy.

[3753] You're the best.

[3754] Love you too.

[3755] Bye, everybody.

[3756] So good.