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[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only Martyrs in the Building premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Goodbye.
[16] Listen up.
[17] I'm Lisa Trager.
[18] And I'm Kara Clank, and we're the hosts of the True Crime Comedy Podcast That's Messed up, an SVU podcast.
[19] Every Tuesday, we break down an episode of Law and Order SVU, the true crime it's based on, and we chat with an actor from the episode.
[20] Over the past few years, we've chatted with series icons like Bidi Wong, Kelly Giddish, Danny Pino, and guest stars like Padgett Brewster and Matthew Lillard.
[21] And just like an SVU marathon, you can jump in anywhere.
[22] Don't miss new episodes every Tuesday.
[23] Follow that's messed up, an SVU podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
[24] Dun done!
[25] Welcome!
[26] Hi, welcome.
[27] Um, two, my favorite?
[28] I don't want to do that anymore.
[29] Right, we'll never do that again.
[30] Let's never do that again.
[31] Let's never do it again.
[32] My, this is my favorite murder, the minisode episode.
[33] That's right.
[34] You send us your stories, hometown murders, um, weird people that you've experienced as a child.
[35] Weird people your grandparents experienced as grandparents.
[36] Shit you fucking found on the street.
[37] In a garbage.
[38] In the walls of your house that's being torn down.
[39] All of it.
[40] Shit you found in your brain.
[41] when you were picking through it with your therapist.
[42] That's right.
[43] You know.
[44] Please know fictions.
[45] No. That's for your other, that's for your, um, fan fiction website.
[46] We don't, we want the real stuff.
[47] Yeah.
[48] It's key.
[49] Yeah.
[50] Unless we don't know that, that's fiction.
[51] I mean, how will we know?
[52] Hold on real quick.
[53] The microphone's falling off of the table.
[54] Shit.
[55] Yes.
[56] Finally something happening.
[57] Action adventure.
[58] And Stephen.
[59] shoots over from his sitting Indian style position over on the floor, and suddenly he's there screwing in screws.
[60] And then I'm holding it up.
[61] This is like highly technical and yet coffee table -based microphone system.
[62] And we're back.
[63] I was there the whole time.
[64] You're in it?
[65] A fucking seamless patter.
[66] Narrating.
[67] Yes.
[68] Making it clear to everyone.
[69] Navigating.
[70] Hey, I'll go first.
[71] Oh, I know.
[72] Okay.
[73] All right.
[74] I'm ready.
[75] For fun.
[76] For fun.
[77] and giggles for funds and giggles okay well I'm not gonna this is if something I've found but I'm not gonna read you to the listen here it is spoilers look yeah but they tell you pretty quickly okay hi everybody my wife and I are email to tell you about the weirdest thing we have ever found an arm off the coast of Japan last summer it's called found a human arm is the fuck good withholding that right until the big yeah reveal my wife angel and i were stationed with the military in northeast japan for two years we loved taking our dogs the pacific coastline and loved to walk on the elevated seawall that was erected after the devastating tsunami in 2011 wow the seawall was roughly 20 feet above the water line it was surrounded by concrete wave breakers the wall provided a nice barrier Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
[78] Occasionally, you would...
[79] Nice barrier.
[80] Ocean marina, et cetera.
[81] Occasionally you would see a fisherman, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
[82] Wall details.
[83] There just weren't a lot of people there.
[84] Wall details, etc. Anyways, as we were walking down the seawall, Angela looked down and saw a glove with a fucking human arm sticking out of it.
[85] Oh, no, a gloved arm.
[86] Fish and worms were picking at it.
[87] It was an obvious Caucasian slash Asian flesh, and even from 20 feet away, but we couldn't reach it.
[88] So naturally, we took a ton of reaching out for the arm.
[89] Reaching out for a disembodied arm.
[90] Just a little further.
[91] It's reaching back for you.
[92] She's holding his jacket.
[93] He's leaning out.
[94] Sorry, is the arm in water?
[95] And in a glove.
[96] Yeah.
[97] I think it's like, stick.
[98] Okay, see, here's the thing.
[99] Now it says it sent pictures attached.
[100] And this is when I turned to Stephen and said, oh, my God, please.
[101] Did you see them?
[102] Yeah, it's like floated.
[103] It's like almost like bobbing like a buoy.
[104] Whoa.
[105] Straight up and down.
[106] Straight up and down in the water.
[107] Like over here, over here.
[108] Yeah, yeah.
[109] Like waving.
[110] A bobbing buoy.
[111] Yeah.
[112] And it says attached and I was like, I don't want to see those.
[113] And then you said you saw them and I was like, are you okay, Stephen?
[114] I mean, the photo they took, they must have tried to ensure that it wasn't graphic because you just see the glove part.
[115] You don't see anything else.
[116] What was it an upsetting glove?
[117] Was it a menacing glove?
[118] I mean, it looked like a. was a glove like somebody was trying to cover up evidence like they were trying to like protect like a plastic glove yeah yeah yeah like going to clean the dishes kind of glove a smote you mean dishwasher gloves oh like a hair dyeing gloves yeah yeah or something like that oh did it have long it wasn't stop at the wrist it went down yeah went down oh now i know exactly what you mean okay uh we took a kind of pictures thought about what karen and georgia would do looked around for a body and then ultimately we went home Good.
[119] Don't stick around for a body.
[120] Just if you see one in your purview, fine.
[121] They looked around real quick.
[122] Yeah, nobody.
[123] Don't go into caves.
[124] Goodbye.
[125] We would have called the cops to, this part's fucking funny.
[126] We would have called the cops to get someone to the scene, but outside of ordering sushi or beer, our Japanese was subpar at best.
[127] So we didn't call.
[128] And in all honesty, we knew it was our last night in Japan and finding a body part just sounded like a lot of paperwork when all we wanted was a night of ramen and maybe a little karaoke before our flight the next morning.
[129] You fucking asshole, American assholes.
[130] Wait, but then the guilt settled in.
[131] Oh.
[132] Nice.
[133] We called the American police officers attached to our base and told them we found an arm.
[134] We reported to the station, wrote our statements, completed paperwork, and as predicted, ended up back at the scene with a Japanese cops.
[135] the military police and a translator.
[136] The translator told us a disfigured body or a porpoise was found earlier that day in the same location.
[137] Oh, no. And then they write, since when are humans fucking mixed up with porpoises.
[138] When they're burnt to death, when they've been skinned, when any number of horrible porpoise like disfigurements, it just popped into my head.
[139] Thank you.
[140] In the meantime, the arm had drifted 50 meters, but it was still intact despite the marine life.
[141] The Japanese police formed the cutest human chain to retrieve the arm.
[142] Oh, that sounds scary.
[143] Once they determined it was a real body part, they made us leave the scene.
[144] Oh, good.
[145] To this day, we don't know the story behind the arm, but believe it was ultimately linked to the Yakuza, the Japanese mafia, known for cutting off body parts.
[146] Stay sexy.
[147] Watch your arms and don't get murdered.
[148] See you in London and May. Katie and Angela.
[149] Oh, my God.
[150] That is, first of all, the idea that they were just like, we can't get involved with this paper work I want ramen I don't want to which I understand I think a lot of people probably do that they're just like oh this is a thing someone else will find this but the difference between a to the wrist glove and a almost to the elbow like medical glove yeah is such a huge creepy difference you're up to some other weird shit altogether is like that to me reminds I guess probably from the beginning of the symptoms where it's like is somebody that handles nuclear rods getting killed by the ecuos.
[151] Well, I figured it would have been part of the tsunami, like how shit just always kept washing up and even body is washed up.
[152] Right, maybe.
[153] But it doesn't sound like it.
[154] I don't know.
[155] Yeah.
[156] It's, I mean, it's just like bobbing up and down.
[157] Oh, no. Oh, shoot.
[158] I just realized as we were talking about that, or as you were saying that.
[159] Yeah.
[160] I always say how I don't, I just don't care about mafia crimes as an area of true crime.
[161] Yeah.
[162] Real interesting.
[163] in the yakuza.
[164] Yakuza is a different story for you.
[165] Interesting.
[166] That was Georgia's friendship voice when she pretends to care about what I'm talking about.
[167] So that's different then.
[168] You do like the Yakuza.
[169] Something is wrong with me because that's my truly interested in my friends and stuff.
[170] That was you being truly interested.
[171] What did I do wrong?
[172] Was it my face?
[173] No, I think, I feel like it was like camera ready.
[174] So that's what you give a shit about.
[175] Yep.
[176] Interesting.
[177] Tell me more while I fall asleep.
[178] Oprah -esque.
[179] Oh.
[180] I'll go up here in this part.
[181] So you went swimming this way.
[182] Tell me more about that.
[183] Okay.
[184] I did go swimming.
[185] All right.
[186] Ready for this?
[187] Yes.
[188] My creepy dentist.
[189] Okay.
[190] I have to go to the dentist at 8 a .m. tomorrow.
[191] You're hot dentist.
[192] 8 a .m. That's too early.
[193] Isn't it?
[194] Um, I better brush my hair.
[195] Teeth too.
[196] Oh, yes.
[197] Teeth.
[198] I always forget that.
[199] Okay, hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and Animals.
[200] I started listening to MFFM a few months ago and recently finished my binge of the entire back library, so now I'm limited to waiting for your new episodes each week.
[201] Wow.
[202] I was inspired to finally write in with my hometown murder story, thanks to Karen's dentist experience in this week's minisode.
[203] In stark contrast to Karen's handsome dentist, my childhood dentist was creepy as fuck.
[204] Oh, no. The dentist office was in the basement of a house.
[205] No, don't do that.
[206] Talk about your fucking long gloves.
[207] Yeah.
[208] That's a long glove situation.
[209] Super dark and creepy looking, so much wood paneling everywhere.
[210] And he always wore these really old school dentist shirts that honestly reminded me of a bowling shirt.
[211] What's a dentist shirt?
[212] Oh, yeah.
[213] I think it's those like cotton ones, either blue or white that like.
[214] Yeah, the collars like, it looks like.
[215] Nehru almost.
[216] What's the, what are the, um, priest's wear?
[217] Oh, a priest.
[218] priest's collar.
[219] I don't know.
[220] That's right.
[221] You wouldn't know.
[222] I wouldn't know.
[223] We call them priests' collars all the time.
[224] Okay, I feel like I'll never forget what his mouth looked like.
[225] Ew!
[226] Because I had to stare up at his creepy face twice a year for my entire childhood and then a few more times a year when he did my braces in high school.
[227] Fast forward to the summer of 2002.
[228] I just moved away to college and get a call from my mom telling me that my dentist shot and killed his wife in the the dentist's office with a shotgun.
[229] The wife worked there too as the office manager was always super nice, crazy.
[230] I had to wonder if the incident was a self -fulfilling prophecy because the dude's name was dot, dot, dot, Dr. Rambo.
[231] No wonder I was creeped out by this guy my whole life.
[232] He was crazy and turned out to be a killer.
[233] He represented himself at trial.
[234] Oh, God.
[235] After firing his lawyer, parentheses red flag, and he claimed that his wife was attacking him and that he acted in self -defense.
[236] right but he shot her in the back so we're not we're not laughing because someone got shot in the back oh my god no that he's a fucking lunatic monster yes why would you even why would you go down that road to only prove yourself wrong seriously um so that is obviously BS he was convicted and put in prison from prison he filed a civil suit against the family to gain possession of the weird list of personal items from the estate including a wooden duck a collection of ceramic horses, a trumpet, and their wedding album.
[237] So bizarre.
[238] I hope one day I find a dentist handsome enough to make me forget about Dr. Rambo, wife killer, but to this day, every time I schedule an appointment, I think of him.
[239] Thanks for being the best podcast ever.
[240] And of course, SSDGM, Chrissy.
[241] Wow.
[242] That's hilarious.
[243] Don't go to any professional thing in a basement, unless it's a professional basement makers basement that you're checking out.
[244] And you only And you don't go all the way down.
[245] You go to the top step.
[246] Yeah.
[247] You bend over at the waist.
[248] You look around and go, thanks great.
[249] And you haul out back up those basement stairs.
[250] Remember, like, maybe this was like an 80s thing, but like how, how a lot of hairstylists would be, like, would have that in their house that, like, your mom would go to.
[251] Like down to the basement to get their hair done.
[252] That's what makes me think of that.
[253] Yep.
[254] There was also a couple people in my high school whose parents had, like, rumpus rooms in the basement.
[255] Yeah.
[256] So one of the worst drunk party presentations I ever gave.
[257] Presentation was.
[258] I love a professional drunk hair and giving a drunk present.
[259] Well, I'm here, buddy.
[260] Next step, can we have Karen Gilgarev?
[261] Hi, you know me. She's going to give a presentation.
[262] Here's the presentation.
[263] I smoke cloves and I try to kick someone.
[264] So you know that my favorite thing is, like on TV is when people pretend to be drunk.
[265] So you doing anything you just did made me fucking...
[266] Is that true?
[267] Yeah, I can't.
[268] I don't care if it's the worst sick, huh?
[269] I will laugh my ass off at some terrible actor who's being, pretending to be drunk.
[270] It's my favorite thing I do.
[271] It just comes out.
[272] I love fake drunk.
[273] I spent so much time.
[274] It's Georgia.
[275] Can I tell you a secret?
[276] Just tell you a quick secret.
[277] I spent all my time like this.
[278] You shut up, Stephen.
[279] Whoops, I spiked it.
[280] Sorry.
[281] Okay.
[282] What was your best drunk?
[283] presentation I can't remember it ends in a blackout I had a bunch of what they used to call cuckoo juice when I was in high school it's called cuckoo juice it's called jungle juice it's called um what's it there's one called like the suicide or whatever they melt sherbet and put fucking vodka and they basically mix Hawaiian punch and all the liquor in the parents don't do that so you take normally would normally take four drinks yeah only takes one drink it's like a Long Island.
[284] Very bad.
[285] And you put on a, you put on a, what does Vince call it?
[286] What does he call it?
[287] He puts on a, fuck.
[288] It's not presentation.
[289] He doesn't say my thing.
[290] It's not presentation.
[291] It's some fucking Vince word.
[292] That's so funny.
[293] A clinic.
[294] You put, you put on a fucking clinic of how to, how to be a drunk person.
[295] Full on.
[296] This was, I actually got it out of my system very early because this is the one where I, got so drunk me and my friend i've told you this story but my friend christine yeah and listen karen is a recovering alcoholic or not i'm not laughing at anything about this you got to laugh it's just i did it to myself and i'm not like trying to make you feel bad in anyway you can't there's nothing left in there to feel bad like i wish i just love your stories i wish you could pull those heartstrings they're gone i just love your stories okay yeah uh i'll just say at this one and this did happen.
[297] I had come up out of the rumpus room in the basement.
[298] I saw my cousin Mike in the hallway.
[299] The next thing I knew, I was pulling my face off of his white sweater and looked and I saw my own eyes on his sweater.
[300] I had been crying on his shoulder in the hallway and then came to and was like, what's going on and looked down and I'd cried my own eyes onto his sweater.
[301] And then I was like, all right, see you later.
[302] and like just tried to get away before he recognized that I had ruined his like Forensa sweater and forgot why you were crying wasn't crying inside anymore that experience was had never happened oh no really a disaster artist that was the same night that I it that party was I really did it up all at once and then me and my friend Christine went to my parents house we were supposed to be spending the night at her mom's house and I don't think her mom was supposed to be home.
[303] But instead, we told the girl who gave us a right home to go to my parents' house.
[304] On an accident?
[305] Yep.
[306] They were having a dinner party with my aunt and uncle.
[307] Oh, no. Whose cousin you, whose kid you had just cried upon?
[308] No, different.
[309] Different one.
[310] That was my kenturvani.
[311] Um, not a blood relative, but his mom and my mom were best friends in high school.
[312] So he was a cousin.
[313] So he's my cousin.
[314] Yeah.
[315] Um, but I realized as we were walking up the front door, oh, this is my house.
[316] So I turned to Christine and go, we're going to go in.
[317] We're going in and we're going to run up the hall and go to my room and I thought in our dining room was like right by the front door as like ranch style so we that's we tried to do that we just open the front door and ran up the hallway and slammed my bedroom door so then my sister I'm positive I told this story my sister comes and opens my bedroom door yeah because she wasn't at the party we were at and she's looking at both of us and we're both laying on my bed like laughing our asses off and my sister goes oh my god you're so fucked and then walk walks away.
[318] So then I was like, wait, why?
[319] And then I'm like, oh no, I'm at home and I'm really shit -faced.
[320] And then my mom came in and I was like, my friend Christine did this thing that is straight out of a John Hughes movie.
[321] I had those closet door, the doors to my closet like pushed open like that.
[322] And they were closed at the time.
[323] My mom opened the door and goes, oh no, you girls are so drunk.
[324] And my friend Christine puts her arm up like she's going to lean against a wall and goes, Karen's pretty drunk, Mrs. Kiglerf, but actually I'm okay and then pushes the door open and falls into my closet.
[325] And it was so over the top.
[326] It's too classic.
[327] My mom started laughing and had to leave the room because she was trying to act mad, but we were like, we were like two girls doing a bit of being drunk.
[328] I am never having a child simply because I do not ever want to have a teenager.
[329] No. It's so dark.
[330] We were the worst people.
[331] The worst.
[332] Well, I just watched Lady Bird, and I was like, nope, pass, hard pass on that one.
[333] Don't ever want to have this.
[334] I mean.
[335] Don't want myself in the future.
[336] Yes, exactly right.
[337] You have to basically have a mirror of yourself that's giving you the shit you gave you our mom.
[338] Yeah.
[339] Or just write a fucking movie about it if you're in Greta fucking Gerwig, which is awesome.
[340] Let's see, wait.
[341] Just win an Oscar and get out of your system and don't actually do it.
[342] And then pay your mom back.
[343] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[344] Absolutely.
[345] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.
[346] Exactly.
[347] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[348] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[349] That's right.
[350] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in store, on social media, and beyond.
[351] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[352] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.
[353] So give your point of sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[354] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[355] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.
[356] Connect with customers in line and online.
[357] Do retail right with Shopify.
[358] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[359] important note, that promo code is all lowercase.
[360] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.
[361] That's Shopify .com slash murder.
[362] Goodbye.
[363] Hey, this is exciting.
[364] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[365] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives.
[366] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[367] Who killed Saz?
[368] And were they really after Charles?
[369] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[370] This season, murder.
[371] hits close to home.
[372] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[373] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[374] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[375] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[376] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[377] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[378] Goodbye.
[379] Stephen fucking knocked it out of the park this week with the printups So do you want to hear Yeah these stories are insane About finding something Finding cash under a tree Or about a ghost Or Do you want to hear about Let's see here I'm going to read you this one I don't want to cash on a tree Oh cash under a tree I put my mind under a tree I buried my purse You have to help me find a person I buried it You had to help me. I didn't want anyone to touch my purse because I buried it.
[380] You had to define it.
[381] I don't remember which tree.
[382] Why are there no trees at this party?
[383] I get a sworn.
[384] Why are you crying now?
[385] Okay.
[386] Hello, everybody.
[387] Thank you so much for your podcast and for starting this wonderful MFM community.
[388] Thank you.
[389] I mean, it really was our pleasure.
[390] Our pleasure.
[391] I've been a longtime listener and fan of the podcast.
[392] I've always wanted to submit a home time.
[393] murder.
[394] However, I've never had a personal story matching a minisode request until now.
[395] Imagine my surprise when in minisode 60, you asked for stories about, quote, big piles of money you just kind of found.
[396] Yeah.
[397] Remember when you said that just so casually?
[398] Or just big piles of money, you just kind of found.
[399] Who doesn't want to hear that story?
[400] Well, that's exactly what happened to me during my junior year of high school.
[401] What the fuck?
[402] I grew up in Tucson, Arizona, and my friends and I used to hang out a lot at a park by our high school.
[403] One day, as a I was walking in the park with my friends, I looked down and saw about $10, $50 bills on the ground.
[404] Whoa.
[405] I didn't believe the bills were real, and I felt like I was having an out -of -body experience when I reached down and picked them up.
[406] It happened to me when I was a little kid and found $100 on the ground.
[407] I was like, this can't be happening.
[408] Did you?
[409] How old were you?
[410] I was like four or five.
[411] It was like one of my earliest memories.
[412] Shit.
[413] I reached down and picked them up.
[414] I took a few steps forward and saw a pile of about 10 more bills under a tree, and I picked them up, too.
[415] I stepped the bills in my bag and my friends and I hid behind a dumpster to count the cash.
[416] I'm not sure why we thought a dumpster was the safest place at the time.
[417] It turns out we, it turns out I had picked up, ready for this, $1 ,100 in cash just sitting under a tree.
[418] Fuck.
[419] No brown paper bag or a briefcase or a drug blazer or anything.
[420] We walked around the park in a moral quandary about whether we should turn the money in and to whom.
[421] No way we were handing $1 ,100.
[422] to teen lifeguards at the Lost and Found.
[423] No way.
[424] Or if I should keep what was probably drug money.
[425] While we walked around the park, I could feel the money burning a hole in my bag.
[426] Then three hefty big men rolled out of a car and started scouring the ground.
[427] They made eye contact with me, and I swear they could see the money in my purse.
[428] I called the police right away and turned the money in.
[429] The police could not believe I would turn in the money.
[430] Honestly, I think they thought I was kind of stupid.
[431] But they booked it and told me that if no one claimed the money after 90 days, it was mine.
[432] My friends and I counted down the days.
[433] And about a month after I found the money, the police posted a notice in our local newspaper describing exactly where the money was found.
[434] Three steps from the sidewalk, two steps to the left at the base of the first tree you see.
[435] We knew that anyone could read the description and claim the money as their own.
[436] So I gave up hope.
[437] Still, I went to the police station on the 91st day after finding the money.
[438] And lo and behold, it was still there.
[439] No. the police chief came out and thanked me for being a good Samaritan and handed me the cash.
[440] I kept it into this day.
[441] It's been the best $1 ,100 I've ever found.
[442] Wait.
[443] She kept it and never spent?
[444] No, I don't know.
[445] Thanks for all you do.
[446] Stay sexy and don't get murdered.
[447] Kay.
[448] It's been the best $1 ,100 I've ever been.
[449] That's so brilliant.
[450] Wow.
[451] What a like uplifting story that people didn't go and just take money that wasn't theirs.
[452] Yeah.
[453] But also I bet the cops knew it was like drug money.
[454] So they're like well we're going to tell everyone where exactly where it is and whoever comes in here is a fucking drug dealer yeah that's true yeah that's why no one claimed it yeah nobody's going to be dishonest be like yeah uh uh uh and they're like oh we did a quick wipe and it has cocaine all over it okay this one the subject line is should i do okay wait i'm gonna do this one okay i'm and i'm also going to sub i'm going to withhold the subject line like you did great for spoiler reasons okay Hi, Fuens, F -W -E -N -D -S.
[455] All right.
[456] Already off to a bad start?
[457] I mean, simply unacceptable.
[458] This must be a good one if you still are chose it.
[459] I'm still going.
[460] It's got to be really fucking good.
[461] I think, I'm assuming it's a she, and I bet you she did it on purpose, just to bug me. But we're still going to go through with it because this story, so now we're in it.
[462] Okay.
[463] This story involves no death, sinkholes, or found items, but it's creepy nonetheless.
[464] Okay.
[465] Great start.
[466] Two of my girlfriends and I went to see suicide.
[467] squad again strike 19 um just kidding on sunday afternoon when it came out wow day of um we were maybe 45 minutes into the movie when i went to the bathroom when it came back i noticed a pair of shoes beneath our seats as i started to enter the aisle i stopped looked at my friends and pointed down in confusion as i realized it was not just shoes but a human being what they didn't know what was going on i grabbed my cell phone and had a moment of thinking okay, I'm either about to find a dead body or something bad is about to happen before he flipped the flashlight on.
[468] I flash the light onto what was a full grown man face down on the movie theater floor directly beneath us.
[469] What?
[470] Before I could say anything, he started to move out and acted as though he was grabbing his cell phone and he mumbled something like I lost my phone, I was just looking for it.
[471] What?
[472] As he stood up and then promptly bolted out of the theater.
[473] Yeah.
[474] We all looked at each other in utter disbelief.
[475] I sat back down with them and we had the longest what the fuck moment of our lives during suicide squad.
[476] My girlfriend said that she thought she had felt movement and something touching her while we watched and she'd brushed it off but now we freak the fuck out or now freak the fuck out.
[477] We immediately went to tell management we had told an employee what happened and he literally said oh that guy again.
[478] Oh my God.
[479] And grabbed a manager.
[480] the manager told us that this had happened before our minds were blown and we ended up calling the cops to come hear our story and check in on the theater they also gave us free movie passes yeah as we did not want to go back in not only because we were in shot because we were shook but also because suicide squad was one of the worst things they've ever sat there 45 minutes oh they were kind of stoked hilarious okay we couldn't get the incident off our mind so i ended up making a post about what happened on the subreddit for our city It blew up with comments making a local news station asked to report on the story.
[481] My girlfriend ended up meeting them outside the theater to do a short segment up for the evening news.
[482] I also got comments with links about this exact thing happening in other theaters in the same city and a link to a man's photo and history of arrest records for voyeurism.
[483] This dude has been arrested several times in the past for things like this, including hiding under a woman's bed in her fucking house while she hung out in there.
[484] He generally looked like a person I saw...
[485] I don't want to know that happens.
[486] I mean, he generally looked like the person I saw emerged from under our seats, although I couldn't be 100 % sure because we were in a dark theater and it all happened so quickly.
[487] If I could go back in time, I would have jacked him in the face and made a scene so he would have fucking gotten caught.
[488] But at the time, I had no point of reference for what was happening because it's all capital's so fucking weird and i thought it might have been an injured person or something i mean yeah you can't your brain can't wrap around that it's also who would be that close to a movie theater floor that's what i was thinking too like talk about unfamiliar crumbs and fucking stickiness how did he get up that fast when it is just pure goo down there yeah yeah like he didn't stick to it um okay so here's the end i have no idea what's going on with this person now but thank god nothing worse happened to us.
[489] I hope he has gotten help or can get the right help for that sort of thing before it escalates to something much more terrible.
[490] That's very true.
[491] Can you imagine if I hadn't gone to the bathroom and discovered him?
[492] Hebe -G -B -G -Bs all over.
[493] S -S -D -G -M -D.
[494] What was he doing, though?
[495] Like, you can't do like upskirt shots or anything like that down there.
[496] But she, like, he may have turned.
[497] He may have been laying face up.
[498] But looking at what, the bottoms of seats?
[499] Well, maybe if their butts are sticking out the back of something.
[500] But like maybe he turned when he knew she was coming back because he would look bad if he was facing up.
[501] Oh my God.
[502] I don't know if he's facing down.
[503] It's, I mean, people put like baby diapers down there.
[504] Do they?
[505] My friend, yeah, my friend Danny was an usher in a movie theater and he was like, I found a full diaper in there on the ground one time.
[506] Oh, no. So.
[507] Stop it, people.
[508] I mean.
[509] Any others that have to be read.
[510] Have about one more.
[511] How about, listen, these are all really funny today, aren't they?
[512] Aren't they?
[513] I'm not going to tell you the name of this one because it's really, okay.
[514] Hey, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and Associated Non -Human Creatures.
[515] I've been waiting with this story for ages because it's just weird enough that you would appreciate it, but it's not murder.
[516] I'm so glad that hometowns have been opened up to just general weirdness.
[517] I think it's a good idea.
[518] Is there a murder?
[519] this one?
[520] Yeah.
[521] Which one?
[522] The dentist.
[523] Oh, right.
[524] Yeah.
[525] There we go.
[526] Okay.
[527] I went to a small, close -knit college where not much exciting happened until the footlicker came into town.
[528] Dude.
[529] This is like a serious body parts episode.
[530] It is.
[531] The title is Rogue Foot Licker on campus.
[532] What you need to understand is that one of the dorms consist of clusters of dorm rooms that all share a living room.
[533] The rooms themselves locked, but the door to the living room does not, trust me, this is important.
[534] So one night a girl was sleeping on the couch in one of the living rooms and she woke up to a man she didn't know licking her feet.
[535] She obviously freaked the fuck out and her friends came and chased him away, but the dude came back and was looking at her through the window.
[536] This happened after the outer doors to the building had been locked for the night, so to have access, he either knows someone who lived there or live there himself.
[537] It's a small campus so you would think that someone would know who he was, but no witnesses recognized him.
[538] We all look up the next morning to an email warning us that a footlicker was loose on campus and to be on the lookout but he was never apprehended it's been six years and the foot liquor liquor has passed into campus legend along with the one -armed omish man who they say one used to wander around campus stay sexy and wear socks if you sleep on the couch Kelly oh man who the one -time foot -licker yeah that's but also that's so bold like your crime is you it's such a high risk crime and like you got chased off and you came back you came back so you're there's something going on yeah you're really drunk he put on a fucking drunk clinic right there for real i would hope that he's just like you know what i got to go for it yeah i just got to express myself do you think the one -armed omish man lost it in japan i'm just saying this could be the button oh my god this could be what we're looking for it all fucking wraps together i start like getting red string and fucking clear what do amish gloves look like what do amish gloves look like what do amish gloves look like what do omish gloves look like they go all the way to the fucking elbow they have they they they actually they go to the wrist but then there's a beard from the wrist to the elbow because they're amends good night everybody send your weird shit to my favorite murder if you have um a gmail name some new shit if you have a gmail is that what you said no i said at gmail oh if you have a gmail no I was going to say if you have found a person in a place where they don't belong we would love to hear that story a hundred percent right yes yeah that could be the new fold in that's the new one every week we add a new fucking weird element and also let's bring those money piles forward everybody money piles fucking appendages that don't belong any kind of body or body part in a place that doesn't belong there's a place in can I know we're going to get a ton of like messages about this but there's a certain bay I think in can't even Canada where they body parts keep showing up right shoes with feet in them it's like shoes with feet and nothing else but I think they've disproved that it's anything like um there's theories crime based yeah but it's basically it's like drowning victims that get eaten entirely by most animals oh man we were going to end on such a high note it's such a bummer well this is a bummer based podcast.
[539] It's true.
[540] It's not called my favorite happy stuff.
[541] My favorite best memory.
[542] This is my favorite story about a girl that got her foot licked and then the guy came back and stared at her through a window.
[543] Well, a fucking Amish guy with a Japanese missing arm was walking around.
[544] Get out of here with your email.
[545] Why are you listening if you fucking don't want this.
[546] Stay sexy.
[547] And don't get murdered.
[548] Goodbye.
[549] Goodbye.
[550] Hey, Elvis, want cookie?
[551] Oh, yes, he's waiting.
[552] Ooh, it just almost fell off the couch.
[553] Oh, good boy.
[554] He's like, don't make fun of me.