232 - Live at the De Meervaart in Amsterdam (2018)

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] I can't believe we just said that sentence.

[2] I know.

[3] Amazing.

[4] I've never been here.

[5] You've never been here.

[6] Oh, no, you were here.

[7] I have been here, yeah.

[8] Shit.

[9] All right, let's start over.

[10] When I was here, I was here in high school on one of those tours where you go to one country a day in like, yeah.

[11] So it's just like, we were just in France, and we got drunk in France.

[12] Now we're going to get drunk in Amsterdam.

[13] Whose idea was that?

[14] You know, my high schools.

[15] I'm not going to high schools, you guys.

[16] They were real stupid.

[17] Yes, we got high.

[18] She's cheering for high school.

[19] Yeah, we did.

[20] Well, I've never been here, and I am madly in love with it.

[21] I met four cats yesterday.

[22] Oh, and each one was cuter than the next.

[23] They were all happy to see me. In the beginning.

[24] And then I just got real grabby.

[25] That one, it looked like you guys, it looked like you're going to take that first one home.

[26] Yeah.

[27] It was this moment of like joy because we went and sat down at this outdoor cafe by a canal.

[28] It was so beautiful.

[29] I had this great dress on.

[30] And we were having a fear.

[31] And it was like my fucking ideal day.

[32] And then this fucking, the first cat comes up.

[33] And we're just like, oh my God, this is so cool.

[34] And then I was going to like try to put it on my lap, but I was scared.

[35] I was going to get scratched and everything.

[36] And instead it was like, give me a minute and just jumped on my lap without having me asking and I was just in heaven and I was petting it and petting it and petting it.

[37] He took so many pictures.

[38] So many pictures.

[39] And then it was done so it bit me and ran away.

[40] Yeah.

[41] Which I totally respected.

[42] It was like, I'm done, bite, goodbye.

[43] And now I'd say she has about four days to live, roughly.

[44] It was a bite like Mimi's.

[45] So I was used to it where it was like, no breaking of skin Just fuck you, goodbye.

[46] Fuck you, goodbye.

[47] But what's funny is when that cat first walked up, it was like the cutest cat you've ever seen.

[48] And when that cat bit you and ran, I was like, God, that cat was dirty.

[49] Suddenly it was like, oh, it's covered in soot.

[50] It's doing.

[51] I definitely wouldn't have done that if I were home because I could just bring my dirty dress back to the hotel room and put it somewhere, but I wouldn't have brought it home to my house.

[52] What I loved is that I would say about, 20 minutes later, George was like, I'm covered in fleas.

[53] That cat had fleas.

[54] That cat had lice.

[55] What were you saying?

[56] Please, please.

[57] It was really funny.

[58] It definitely had fleas.

[59] She was like full -body fleas.

[60] I'm like, the cat was on your dress.

[61] The fleas and haven't had time to leave that dress area.

[62] They're sticking around.

[63] Yeah.

[64] Speaking of, we had our laundry dome.

[65] We've been on tour for not very long, but we had our first day off yesterday.

[66] And oh my God, we smelled so bad.

[67] Our clothes, these dresses.

[68] Mine still does.

[69] Oh, right.

[70] I can't, I couldn't machine wash this dress.

[71] Yeah.

[72] And I was like, I should just roll the dice and try it.

[73] Because talk about cats.

[74] This dress smells like 19 cats.

[75] Panicked and peed all over it.

[76] It's not a good smell at all.

[77] But when I collected up all my laundry to get done, I was just like, no, just get the key items that, like, are depressing me. the most.

[78] I have one sweatshirt that smelled so much like yogurt.

[79] It was really horrible.

[80] And I was like, I'll just power through it.

[81] And then we got our laundry done.

[82] It's miraculous.

[83] Find a fucking partner who will go do laundry in a foreign country where he doesn't know, understand the directions on how to do the laundry.

[84] It was just like, he's like, they smell clean.

[85] I don't know if they're actually clean.

[86] That's all that matters.

[87] It's amazing.

[88] Amazing.

[89] That was the same I, we went to sleep, we got there, we got into town, got here, sorry, and there.

[90] We got that town that we're all staying in.

[91] When we got to town, I went to sleep, I think immediately, and then I woke up at like 11 .30, like, oh, no, now I'm hungry, I didn't eat dinner, I don't know what to do.

[92] So I just walked out of the hotel, started walking around this neighborhood, walked, and walked and walked, and walked.

[93] You did?

[94] Yeah, and then I...

[95] By yourself at night?

[96] Yep.

[97] I was like, look all these beautiful canals what bad thing could happen to me down this side alley yeah the next day when I saw it I was like that was a huge mistake I should not have done that but eventually I found my way to a McDonald's of course it's kind of fun though I ended in that McDonald's they have self -serve like we don't have these in the stage which is hilarious because no one can be trusted to do anything by themselves but they have actually big computer boards where you walk up and touch things and order your own food you're like, yes, we know.

[98] I've never seen it before and I don't speak this language even remotely, like even slightly.

[99] So I was just touching green buttons that seemed like a good idea to touch.

[100] And then there was finally one where it came down, I couldn't figure out what to touch, and the only thing that looked right was a red button where I'm like, they can't have done it that.

[101] That's tricky as fuck if they made it a red button.

[102] So I looked it up.

[103] The go is not red button.

[104] The order isn't going to be a red button.

[105] It's rarely red.

[106] So I looked it up on my phone and the word meant destroy.

[107] I was like I should probably just press this button and get back to my hotel room.

[108] I think either way you just, it's true either way.

[109] It's all destruction.

[110] It's all.

[111] Yeah.

[112] At McDonald's.

[113] Dude, I get it.

[114] Oh.

[115] Oh, so yesterday we were riding around.

[116] No, we weren't.

[117] We were walking around.

[118] We were trying to avoid people riding around.

[119] I did hit a guy in the leg, and I was just like, oh, I'm like a bicycler, and I felt like such a fucking asshole American.

[120] It's just like, da -da -da, you know.

[121] Yeah.

[122] And then we're - With your camera all out in front of him.

[123] Then this guy on a bike who looked like, he's this tall blonde, he looked like he was like an Olympic swimmer.

[124] and he was just riding his bike.

[125] They're like, we all look like that.

[126] Pretty standard over here.

[127] He has headphones on, and we hear him as he goes, bye, I go, I'm going to do it to you.

[128] He goes, poke, poke, poke her face.

[129] Just out loud and then zooms away.

[130] It was the most amazing.

[131] Picture me riding a bike, though, I'm like looking Nordic.

[132] Now, when I heard it, and I can't remember if it was before or after we had visited a coffee house or whatever they're called.

[133] Pretty sure it was after.

[134] A pot cafe.

[135] It just sounded to me like, book, buck, beak, book, book.

[136] I was like, that's kind of brave that he's just making sounds on his bike.

[137] Maybe that's a thing they do here.

[138] We'll have to learn about it later.

[139] And Georgia turns with me and goes, that was fucking Lady Gaga.

[140] He was singing.

[141] I was like, that's rad.

[142] It was this moment of like, I feel like the stone gods, you know?

[143] Because like when I spoke pot, I get really fucking paranoid usually and like kind of screwed up.

[144] and like I'm not good at it, but it was during the day and I was in Amsterdam, I was like, I'm going to do this.

[145] And it was just this moment, I think we had just walked out of the cafe and it was like, God, going, there you go.

[146] It's going to be a good one.

[147] It was the right thing to do.

[148] Polk, poke, poke, poke our face.

[149] Thank you.

[150] God was like, I'm going to make this funny for you.

[151] You're going to love it.

[152] I was smoking pot in that way where I was just like, this, I'm expecting to have happened to me what happens to most of my American friends that come here and they're like, oh man, I went to Amsterdam, and then I ate this thing someone gave me, and then I had a nervous breakdown in my hotel room, and I was in the fetal position for four days.

[153] The second we started smoking that pot, I was like, this could go very badly for one or all of us, but let's just do it and see what happens.

[154] And instead, it was fucking delightful and perfect all day long.

[155] Because we didn't eat anything strangers handed out.

[156] Oh, except for us right.

[157] We did eat a meatball sandwich.

[158] Oh, that's true.

[159] That someone gave us.

[160] But we were in a restaurant.

[161] Yeah, yeah.

[162] They didn't just hand it to us.

[163] What if the poker face guy rides by it?

[164] He's like, poker face, eat this.

[165] Georgia.

[166] And I'm already swallowing it before you guys were like, you shouldn't eat it.

[167] No, no, no. Oh, I ate it already.

[168] Don't eat magic meatball sandwich.

[169] That's a bad idea.

[170] I know.

[171] Also, I bet those, like, we walked through the, like, the market area where there was, like, every, it's so smart.

[172] It's just, like, have a pot cafe.

[173] here and then just set up a stand of bullshit and everyone's going to come out and be like oh it's this necklace it reminds me of my mother how many do you want 19 okay i don't meaningless to me i almost bought a fucking menorah and i'm barely jewish like i don't tell i don't like the candles at honica but you're like it's meaningful this is an amsterdam menorah this is symbolic of my experience here And then you get home and it's just a candelabra.

[174] You're like, wait, what the fuck?

[175] I was so stoned.

[176] I thought something was Jewish symbolism and it's not.

[177] I was seeing double.

[178] There was only four candles on this.

[179] Woo!

[180] But you did buy a necklace.

[181] I did buy, I bought a necklace that reminded me of a necklace my mom used to wear until I got home and I was like, this is nothing like that.

[182] Necklace at all.

[183] Seriously?

[184] And I bought it at the first stand I saw it at, which it cost eight.

[185] And then I saw it incrementally as we walked.

[186] It was like, $6 .50.

[187] Five.

[188] Fucking $3 .50.

[189] I was just like, fine.

[190] What did I buy?

[191] Then the last one, they're like, please take this.

[192] Just please take this necklace.

[193] They're like, we're giving these necklaces away.

[194] Oh, I did also.

[195] I bought what I thought was a pot, lollipop at one of those stands.

[196] And we were both Vincent and I were like, oh, be careful.

[197] But it was just a lollipop.

[198] Like, I got.

[199] It was just green.

[200] I wish I had video, like time -lap video of me eating this lollipop because I was like doing stuff on my laptop and I would like take it and I would have it in my mouth and I would like literally time it out of like five minutes now put it down.

[201] Be careful.

[202] Now wait 20 minutes.

[203] Now see.

[204] Okay, now five more minutes because I was not going to be the one that was like wandering the streets with my shirt off or whatever.

[205] 3 a .m. Vince and I hear a knock at our hotel.

[206] You guys, I'm crying.

[207] Can I sleep with you?

[208] Can I get in a day?

[209] Please, I'm scared.

[210] So it was like, I was like dosing myself like I was at a hospital, like just fucking like taking my own pulse.

[211] I got to the fucking center there was gum.

[212] I was like this was not a pot lollipop in any fucking way.

[213] I just paid five bucks for candy.

[214] Uh -huh.

[215] For a lollipop.

[216] Or just a plain old lollipop at the market.

[217] Steven!

[218] You idiot!

[219] You idiot.

[220] You bought just a lollipop.

[221] He's not here.

[222] but it wasn't his fault.

[223] Don't awe.

[224] No, my cats aren't going to take care of themselves.

[225] And they're also, if he wasn't there, then Elvis wouldn't have had anyone's laptop to barf on today.

[226] Not fucking kidding.

[227] Guess who has to buy Stephen a new laptop?

[228] Here's some breaking news from the podcast home front.

[229] Stephen sent a text where I was like today, I was like, hey, can you look this thing up for me really quick?

[230] And then he texts me back.

[231] Elvis just barfed on my laptop.

[232] and then sent me a short video of him trying to start up the laptop and it's starting and immediately shutting down.

[233] And I was just like, all right, talk to you later.

[234] Of course, it's like, I'm so sorry.

[235] And you're like, you just had your laptop park on.

[236] Like, you don't have to apologize.

[237] He's apologizing to us.

[238] Elvis is getting, you guys, I'm sorry, but the Elvis and Mimi and Dot Instagram is about to go fucking advertising, advertising, because they need to make some fucking money.

[239] Because laptops are not cheap.

[240] What kind of advertising you're going to do on?

[241] that one.

[242] I don't know.

[243] Cat food?

[244] Shilling.

[245] Maybe some kind of an anti -nausea pills.

[246] Exactly.

[247] Emotium AD, something we have over there.

[248] I said backstage that, sorry, Stephen, you're getting a Dell.

[249] They still make those.

[250] What's a cheap computer?

[251] You're just like, make your own computer, and then bill me. What if I was like, well, I have, you can have my old laptop or my old MacBook Pro that's like, as heavy as this table and about as large?

[252] Yeah, those ones that had blue on the back and then you could see through where you're like, Stephen, we got you a computer.

[253] Don't worry about it.

[254] Yes.

[255] You just have to leave it at Georgia's house and come here to use it.

[256] But don't come over too often, Stephen.

[257] It'll be like an internet cafe that's only open from three to four.

[258] It'll be like a cat cafe.

[259] Yeah.

[260] I wonder if a cat barfed on your laptop at a cat cafe, would they have to buy you one?

[261] Probably not.

[262] Those are the same rules go for my house then.

[263] Because it's essentially a cat cafe.

[264] I mean, I'm still on that question of like, whoa, is there a certain insurance you have to buy for a cat cafe?

[265] Or if they bite you and then put fleas on your dress?

[266] Yes.

[267] I'm suing Amsterdam if I get pleas.

[268] What an asshole.

[269] Everywhere we went, because we probably ended up going to like four of those cafes.

[270] We would just walk and then be like, look, let's go in there.

[271] It says feel good.

[272] Let's go in there.

[273] We just kept doing that.

[274] And everywhere we'd go, I'd be like, oh, I fucking love this summer.

[275] and then write it down for like this is going to be the Amsterdam mix I tried to put the Amsterdam mix on the in the green room backstage me or George and I were both like the fuck is this song turn it off well we were feeling good last night yesterday every song terrible music we did end up in what we oh I have to tell you something we're heading back to the hotel but like go to sleep and we walked by this bar and I was Like, this is the most beautiful bar from the outside, like, exactly what I want to kind of divey.

[276] We'd go in.

[277] It was the fucking cutest bar.

[278] I was like, from the past.

[279] Right?

[280] Which we don't have in Los Angeles.

[281] Yeah, but it wasn't dirty.

[282] To be near the best.

[283] It wasn't grimy.

[284] Right.

[285] It was the best bar I've ever been to.

[286] I'm not going to pronounce the name right.

[287] But it turns out it was the first lesbian bar in Amsterdam.

[288] No way.

[289] The first gay bar in Amsterdam.

[290] Look it up.

[291] You'll find it.

[292] It was amazing.

[293] It was, well, it had the best.

[294] music.

[295] And it had those little for some reason it had these little tables that folded out from the wall.

[296] Are you guys familiar with?

[297] You always have these?

[298] Because they fold out and there's a light in a mirror.

[299] I was like, that's the perfect table for me. What if we were just at McDonald?

[300] We were so high.

[301] We were at McDonald's a whole time.

[302] They served these burgers.

[303] It was the best burger I've ever had.

[304] We're like, I love this song.

[305] It's but -a -ba -ba -ba.

[306] I'm loving it.

[307] We got the fish and chips.

[308] We got a fucking filet of fish and french fries.

[309] The best fish and chips I've ever had.

[310] Then we destroyed it all.

[311] Destroy!

[312] Oh, wait, remember that, should we not relive it?

[313] That disturbing moment at the laundromat when we were walking back to the hotel?

[314] On our way home.

[315] Don't remember that.

[316] What happened?

[317] Oh, no. You don't remember?

[318] Yes, I remember.

[319] We were walking by.

[320] We passed the laundromat.

[321] Vince goes, oh, that's where I took all the clothes.

[322] And we're like, oh, me. and then there's a cat laying in the window and Georgia were all far enough along that we're like cat again I took a photo of every cat I met including including this cat that's just laying on its back all cute and I go like oh I'm gonna take a picture and there's a girl sitting with her back to the window next to the cat and she starts it looks like she's just playing with the cat like it's cute for the picture but then she covers the cat's face from the picture and fucking moves it really hard away from it the window.

[323] I was like, is this like the red light district rule where you can't take pictures?

[324] You should post something.

[325] It was like no photos.

[326] She was no photos about the cat.

[327] But then I read an article that's really kind of interesting about how tourism has gotten so essentially bad in Amsterdam.

[328] There's so much tourism that like there was a woman they interviewed who lives right down there in like the beautiful part by Knell who's like, there's just fucking douche, drunk douchebags that are stoned, walking by and barfing into her, like, planter all the time.

[329] Oh, no, welcome to college, I guess.

[330] People are, like, second -year collegeing here in Amsterdam, and the one thing she said about that was, the problem is you have to scoop it out.

[331] Ew!

[332] So I'd be pissed, too.

[333] I was just trying to figure out what the cat lady's problem was, and then I was like, maybe she has a point.

[334] Maybe somebody took pictures of that cat, put out a calendar, made $25 million, She got nothing.

[335] The cat got nothing.

[336] People keep coming by to take photos of the famous cat for free.

[337] She's like, fuck all y 'all.

[338] You got to have an Instagram account.

[339] Should I sit down?

[340] Oh, this is my favorite murder of the podcast.

[341] Oh, hi.

[342] Thank you.

[343] That's Karen Kilgareff.

[344] This is Georgia Hardstock.

[345] Hi.

[346] We're in Amsterdam.

[347] What?

[348] You know, I wash my hands.

[349] Georgia keeps doing this thing instead of holding hands with me. where she's holding it like a crab and I don't understand it.

[350] Is it because this dress smells so bad?

[351] Yeah.

[352] Didn't want to tell you, but you said it first.

[353] It's not on my hands, though.

[354] We've been to Amsterdam, and we went to Sweden, and we got Swedish massages, because, of course, we did.

[355] And we went to Oslo.

[356] Thank you.

[357] Thank you so much.

[358] This is crazy.

[359] Oh, let's sit down.

[360] No, do you want to?

[361] Okay.

[362] Well, all right.

[363] So you guys...

[364] Hold on.

[365] I would have this in my house.

[366] Yeah.

[367] It's a good one.

[368] from Servie.

[369] It's a good one.

[370] Gorgeous.

[371] This is a very special live show.

[372] This is the first time we've ever had a square table.

[373] I'm not kidding.

[374] I like it.

[375] I know.

[376] It's so like, it's so Amsterdam, you know.

[377] The way they...

[378] Because it's made of wood and there's tourist barf underneath it.

[379] Yeah.

[380] All right.

[381] There's my...

[382] I was looking for a mint before I left the dressing room just to have a quick mint.

[383] And I couldn't find one.

[384] So then I put this piece of candy in my...

[385] mouth which is not good for the top of a talking show what if um no don't put it on mine i didn't what if okay let's see the scenario you accidentally pulled the wrong piece of pot candy out last night you didn't eat it and it turns out to this and so you suck on it during the show get really fucking baked then i'd be like i love this song they're like there's no song no song let's carve our initials into this all right when no one's looking Yeah.

[386] This is a true crime comedy podcast.

[387] It gets confusing.

[388] We had to tell the customs dude in Ireland about it when he was like, what are you guys doing here?

[389] And it was just really awkward for a minute.

[390] And we told him, and then you do it better than I do, the voice.

[391] Well, because he said, you know, what is the purpose of your visit?

[392] And then we were like, work?

[393] And then he's like, what kind of work?

[394] And then we have to say it's a podcast, which we are figuring most people don't know.

[395] or understand what, like, especially a live podcast.

[396] Or it's like, no, you know, it's like a radio show, except where we do it in front of people.

[397] We make them come to a theater and look at us in our dresses at our table.

[398] It's nothing special.

[399] We're apologizing.

[400] And then he asked the name of it.

[401] So then Georgia says the name, hoping that we don't get arrested in Dublin.

[402] And instead of having any kind of a negative reaction, he goes, oh, yeah, there was some American girl came through here on Friday.

[403] she told me all about it and then he goes she wasn't seeing we're like that sounds right that sounds exactly right that's what it is that was Kelly that was our listener Kelly and then when we came through customs here we said like oh we're doing a live podcast and the guy goes I'm not going to do the accent obviously he goes what like in a bar we were like okay yeah you're right it totally should be in an empty bar I was so mad.

[404] I know.

[405] I'm just like, do you have bars that hold over 800 p. Oh, forget it.

[406] Why am I yelling at a customs officer?

[407] That's a bad idea.

[408] Karen, back on.

[409] Karen, stop it.

[410] You're going to get us arrested.

[411] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[412] Absolutely.

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[430] Goodbye.

[431] Okay.

[432] You going first?

[433] Is it me?

[434] Yeah.

[435] Right?

[436] Is it?

[437] Do you want to?

[438] Yes.

[439] Okay.

[440] Great.

[441] Go for it.

[442] I'm going to do Willem von Eyck.

[443] They don't know him.

[444] They don't know him or they don't like him or he's here and it's awkward.

[445] I mean, I thought there would at least be a smattering of applause.

[446] Like, it just some golf applause.

[447] That's it, that's it.

[448] No, no, no. That's not a scattering.

[449] No, Amsterdam, it is too late.

[450] They're like, well, wouldn't it be wrong to applaud for a serial killer?

[451] You're right.

[452] Yes, you're right.

[453] Just some recognition for Christ's sake.

[454] Because this man is considered one of the few real serial killers that's from here.

[455] Oh, okay.

[456] So I thought they'd be like, oh, I went to high school with it.

[457] Or whatever.

[458] Fine.

[459] So a lot of the information that's in this I'm about to tell you, it's very much Wikipedia -based, as most of my work is.

[460] But there's also a book called Anatomy of a serial killer that's written.

[461] written by, I want to pronounce his name, Stees, but I bet you that's not how you pronounce it.

[462] Oh, we need to pick, oh, we need to pick a translator.

[463] Seats, seat, seat, seat, seat.

[464] Listen, we're picking a translator.

[465] Pok -poker face.

[466] Oh, okay.

[467] I know how to pronounce it now.

[468] We're going to pick a translator.

[469] This is what I've been doing.

[470] These two ladies, they look very professional.

[471] They're the only ones who can yell at us.

[472] This is how we've gotten to control the yelling.

[473] Yeah, what's your name?

[474] Leanne Kim and you're from here Okay great What if they're from like North Carolina But they're like oh quickly Do the accent Do an accent like a person from Amsterdam would have Are those the names that like when we were in Sweden They would tell us their name Or like introduce themselves to an name we couldn't pronounce And then we'd go what?

[475] Try to pronounce it And then they go just Christy, it's Christy Just call us Christy Because we know you fucking Americans can't get it Willem von Eik that's the other thing is I think when you American English is like super nasal and it's just like nah nah right you know you've heard us over and over then like you go to other countries and then it's kind of like I feel like this language is more like you're inhaling it's like yeah phone ik like keep it in shut up Willem von Eik Ike is it Ike but it's not Ike, it's, it's, it's, ooh, I'm choking on a steak.

[476] Okay, Willem von Eich is born.

[477] August 13th, 1941, in Cotrard, Netherlands?

[478] They don't even know how to help you.

[479] Should I show you the paper?

[480] Cota.

[481] Really?

[482] That has?

[483] I said courtier.

[484] You can't be like that if you're going to be the translator.

[485] We can't, this is not about perfection.

[486] It's about barely getting over the finish line.

[487] Oh, my God.

[488] It's a complicated, okay, so his Willems is a complicated birth.

[489] Also, I've never heard of anyone with the name Willem, except for Willem Defoe, the American actor.

[490] So I found this exciting also.

[491] So his is a complicated birth.

[492] Later in his life, doctors would speculate that he probably sustained some brain damage during it.

[493] So he basically starts life with a head injury, which we all know is very bad.

[494] Yep.

[495] For the child.

[496] Also, his home life is an ideal.

[497] His father is known as honest and a passionate man, whereas his mother is described as a bad housekeeper, withdrawn, unreliable, suspicious, and cold.

[498] Oh.

[499] Sounds fun I wonder if they mean that she was suspicious of other people or if she was like touching stuff all the time She was the hand burglar She just had cold hands and weird eyes Also bad housekeeper That's a judgment call And that should Compared to who Not me That's for sure Also a bad woman that doesn't make You know A bad woman isn't that that doesn't make.

[500] It's the worst way I could have said that.

[501] Bless you.

[502] Yeah, I'd know.

[503] I thought suddenly you were speaking.

[504] I didn't tell you.

[505] I speak Dutch.

[506] Please don't start doing that.

[507] Not now.

[508] Okay, in elementary school, he's an outcast.

[509] Of course, it always starts the same way.

[510] He gets the nickname Crazy Little Willem.

[511] Which sounds like it could be fun and cute, but apparently was not.

[512] He's bullied.

[513] school is hellish, and it turns out later that he is, like, when he grows up, he's almost completely illiterate.

[514] So he starts collecting dead frogs and bugs.

[515] I know.

[516] Right?

[517] What you do when you're a social outcast.

[518] Then people in the village start to notice that he's also very cruel to living animals.

[519] So his interest is in the deadness.

[520] He's especially cruel to dogs, cats, and ducks, which is very sad.

[521] can you even catch a duck to be cruel to it, you know?

[522] I think you just run after it and you just outrun it.

[523] It's a duck.

[524] That sounds hard.

[525] They don't have great running feet.

[526] Then he, when he's 10, he gets another concussion.

[527] Or he gets his first, like, outside the womb concussion.

[528] And for two years, he suffers from severe headaches.

[529] Got to get that Tylenol with Cody.

[530] Right?

[531] All right.

[532] in high school he's a loner and according to him women found him very creepy and disgusting according to him Jesus yeah well a lot of this is according to him because the book anatomy of a serial killer is like interviews with him jail jail has interviews I thought you were going to say he wrote it I was like oh no no he can't oh right maybe he had a transcriber yeah he could dictate it into a dictaphone one of those yeah a dictaphone that's right Okay, so he brings that up a lot later on in his crimes, that he basically blames the fact that women rejected him for the fact that he had to go ahead and end their lives, which I always think is so interesting.

[533] It's like you know they found you creepy and disgusting, so you don't try to reverse that in any way or just work on anything, just like stop having weird eyes like your mom or whatever.

[534] Nope, just kill Or find a chick is in the creepy and disgusting That's right Girls out there, ladies Don't you have a creepy and disgusting club At your high school?

[535] Join it!

[536] Lost my place So in high school That's when he starts breaking into houses It's always the same Breaking into houses, stealing stuff Underwear Petty Crimes And when he's 21 He starts to have these vivid dreams Which is what he told that author about about raping and killing women, which most people call those nightmares, Willem, but whatever.

[537] Oh, no. He's quoted as saying, at first they were beautiful, but they became increasingly violent and inhumane.

[538] They were beautiful?

[539] Well, like, they were just plain old beautiful dreams.

[540] Got it.

[541] Then they became increasingly violent and inhumane.

[542] I dreamed of cutting.

[543] Never firearms.

[544] Great, thank you.

[545] Good signs.

[546] And from women, I knew, from our village or from the neighborhood.

[547] In the long run, it got worse, and when I was 29, 30, it became a real drama.

[548] Drama.

[549] Oh my God, so much drama.

[550] So then he says that he would walk around all day thinking about these violent, horrible dreams that he was having and basically stay in this like creepy, disgusting fantasy all day long.

[551] So, you know, you wonder why no one was attracted to you.

[552] Maybe you're just like, uh -huh.

[553] So in 1966, he's 25, he very briefly marries and is divorced.

[554] In August of the same year, he serves eight months in prison because he helped steal, I don't know if this is translation or if it's just, he's boring, but he helped steal lead and batteries with two other people.

[555] Sounds boring.

[556] That sweet, you got to get that sweet, sweet lead.

[557] What if it was something super cool, like a fucking time machine, but it translated to lead and batteries?

[558] use, right?

[559] And wires.

[560] And wires.

[561] Or maybe he was just making his own pencils.

[562] Either way, he's a creep.

[563] So he goes under a court -ordered supervision.

[564] Oh, shit, I never looked this up.

[565] Maybe you'll know what this means.

[566] Court -ordered supervision of the Protestant probation.

[567] No. Like, as if on cue, they both looked at each other and we're like, what?

[568] I probably just means that, I don't know.

[569] Yeah.

[570] I highlighted it in everything.

[571] To be like, go talk about, don't find out what that means.

[572] Then I just started putting on eye shadow, and I was like, I don't really care.

[573] I don't care.

[574] Maybe some kind of a church thing.

[575] Sure, probably.

[576] He had to go to church.

[577] So anyway, they do a psychological exam.

[578] They find out he has a tendencies toward anger and aggression.

[579] And they also, the examination shows that he has gross gaps intellectually.

[580] But not, I don't think that's a judgment call.

[581] I think they mean large.

[582] okay he's just like yeah yeah it's just like you're this old and you only know that many words what the fuck willem okay so on in june 1971 15 year old cora mantel is taking the bus to Amsterdam to meet up with her boyfriend on the 20th of that month she misses her oh shit she misses her bus home to...

[583] Outorn.

[584] I can say that.

[585] I -Torn.

[586] I mean, now we're at the point where I just don't believe I can pronounce anything.

[587] So that's where she's from.

[588] Cores from E -Torn.

[589] So basically, she goes into Amsterdam to meet up with her boyfriend.

[590] She misses the bus because they're like, stay in bed for five minutes longer, or whatever.

[591] Or, I mean, in the park, whatever they're doing.

[592] In love.

[593] So she ends up...

[594] She decides that she's going to hitchhike home.

[595] Yes.

[596] And it's 1971.

[597] Just the height of hitchhiking.

[598] Yeah.

[599] So she ends up getting picked up by Van Eyck.

[600] Did I say it right?

[601] Oh, she hates you.

[602] You're sweet.

[603] Okay.

[604] So she has no idea anything's amiss other than he's creepy and disgusting.

[605] but it's a ride, whatever, until they get to Eithorn, and he drives her almost all the way home, and then he goes a different direction.

[606] And then she starts to panic.

[607] He stops the car, and according to his account, he says to her, we are going to say goodbye to each other.

[608] That's the creepiest thing.

[609] You mean out here in the middle of fucking nowhere?

[610] We're going to say goodbye to each other?

[611] So she tries to get out of the car.

[612] He grabs her scarf, and he strangles her with her own scarf, and then rapes her, drives her body to a dead -end road, strips her naked, throws her body into a ditch.

[613] She's not discovered until two days later on June 22nd, 1971.

[614] She was supposed to start a new job at a jewelry store in Alsmere.

[615] Oh.

[616] The face you gave everyone about it.

[617] Did you hear that guy goes, yeah?

[618] She didn't.

[619] She didn't even ask.

[620] Come on.

[621] Brand new Karen.

[622] So she was supposed to, she had gotten this new job at a jewelry store.

[623] She was supposed to start it.

[624] She doesn't show up.

[625] And so, and her body hadn't been found, but she was missing.

[626] So then the jeweler becomes a suspect.

[627] Oh, no. And until they find her body.

[628] So nothing's proven.

[629] The case goes cold.

[630] Then, three years later, on August 19, 1974, the lifeless body of a 43 -year -old nurse named Alchit van der Platt is found behind some manure near a cornfield.

[631] It's terrible.

[632] She's been raped.

[633] Her stomach has been ripped open.

[634] She's been disemboweled.

[635] And her left breast has been mutilated.

[636] She's been stabbed a total of 27 times.

[637] Holy shit.

[638] So there are six witnesses that report that they see Willem writing his mobile.

[639] around the scene of the crime that night after it happens.

[640] Before her body is found?

[641] No, the night her body's discovered.

[642] He's just fucking buzzing the area on his mopeds.

[643] Super chill.

[644] Can you imagine?

[645] Like, oh, this awful thing.

[646] Yeah.

[647] Poke, poke, poke her face.

[648] Yes.

[649] He's poker facing it all around.

[650] But more like this.

[651] On a moped.

[652] A creep on a moped is the worst kind of moped driver.

[653] You want that person to be, like, carefree, kind of like, yay, I've got the world on a string.

[654] More Wes Anderson and less fucking...

[655] Dracula?

[656] Yeah.

[657] Okay.

[658] So it turns out...

[659] So all these people tell the police, like, this guy is disgusting.

[660] I love it.

[661] And they find out that Willem lives down the street on a houseboat called the English translation is the freedom.

[662] So the police go...

[663] they question him about the murder, and he immediately confesses, and he gets arrested on his dumb houseboat.

[664] I'm, like, very interested in houseboats.

[665] I think it would be super cool to live on one.

[666] Here, it's like, we came out of a couple of those fucking cafes, and we're like, look at the boat.

[667] At one point, Vince was like, oh, we could take a tour of the city on a boat, and I was like, but what if I can't get off the boat?

[668] I was just completely picturing myself of, like, I step on the boat, they shut whatever the gate is, we take off.

[669] And then I'm like, I can't do this!

[670] She jumped in the water.

[671] International incident.

[672] There was a cat boat, Pussin boat, but we didn't go on it because I already had fleas.

[673] That's right.

[674] If that cat hadn't bit you, you would have been the captain of Pusson Boat.

[675] That's true.

[676] I would have fucking moved on to it yesterday.

[677] Bye guys.

[678] We've been like, the show's canceled because Georgia won't get off the cat boat.

[679] Stephen's like, I understand.

[680] Steven's like, I'll be there in 48 hours.

[681] Okay.

[682] So he confesses, is arrested.

[683] He basically tells the police, I'm relieved.

[684] He explains that he saw Alta walking down the road.

[685] He got the idea to, quote, do something with the woman.

[686] He goes back to the houseboat.

[687] He grabs a knife.

[688] He rides up behind her on his moped.

[689] He shows her the knife.

[690] he threatens her, says you have to come with me he pulls her to the area where her body's found.

[691] When she tries to fight him off as he's raping her, that's when he stapsed her.

[692] On August 21st, Willem's arrested on his houseboat, I said that already, but it's written here twice.

[693] And he confesses to the murders of both Alta and Coramantel.

[694] So at age 33, William von Eich is tried and sentenced to 18 years in prison and voluntary commitment to psychiatric hospital.

[695] So the details of the murder are so horrifying that when the trial when everyone gives their testimony in court to, or several it says, of the guards vomit in the courtroom.

[696] Because it's so awful to hear.

[697] And the press describes him as a man without emotion and someone who has no remorse for his crimes.

[698] And he's sentenced to 18 years.

[699] Yeah, I think that's Max here.

[700] I bet that I bet he gets out quicker than that.

[701] Well, Yeah.

[702] Five years later, he's still in jail.

[703] He's still in jail.

[704] Thank God.

[705] But he puts out, he's lonely, so he puts out a personal ad in the newspaper.

[706] And from jail?

[707] From jail?

[708] Explaining that he's a 38 -year -old man who loves houseboats and mopeds.

[709] And he's looking for a relationship with a woman.

[710] And he specifies in his ad that children are not a problem.

[711] Oh.

[712] Great.

[713] So gather around, children.

[714] So a woman named Audrey responds to the ad.

[715] They begin to correspond.

[716] I think over here they call them pen friends, which makes me laugh.

[717] Because in America we call them pen pals.

[718] So stupid to you, right?

[719] So pen pals is dumb to you.

[720] Pen friends is dumb to us.

[721] It's the world a crazy place anyway.

[722] It's a small world after all.

[723] Okay, so eventually she comes to visit him in prison.

[724] He tells her that he has murdered two women.

[725] He fesses up to her.

[726] You think she would have asked about that beforehand.

[727] Like, what are you in for?

[728] Hey, hey, quick, I bet she's not typing on a computer.

[729] Hey, quick question.

[730] What about a wall computer?

[731] What if she's typing on that McDonald's menu board?

[732] Destroy that shit.

[733] Maybe she was on a typewriter.

[734] That's what I was doing.

[735] Well, anyway, either way, he keeps it from her until they meet in person.

[736] Then he says, I've murdered two women.

[737] She's like, look, we've all had a tough time of it.

[738] Oh, honey.

[739] Or some shit, because while he's still in jail in 1982, they get married.

[740] Okay, guys.

[741] All right.

[742] Don't do that.

[743] She ends up, because she's the only one who understands him, ends up hiding this marriage from her family, including her five children.

[744] It's tons.

[745] Like, it's bad enough to have to get a new stepdad.

[746] Yeah.

[747] And then it's fucking William.

[748] Willem?

[749] Willem.

[750] Willem.

[751] Defoe.

[752] What if he?

[753] So, when it is time for him to be paroled, because of this marriage, the authorities believe that he can assimilate back into normal society.

[754] Because they're like he has somewhere to go and a person to look after him.

[755] And he's clearly, he couldn't do it before.

[756] But now...

[757] All he needed was the love of a good woman.

[758] Right?

[759] Again, it's women's fault.

[760] It's there in the center of everything.

[761] And they would just do what that creepy, disgusting man says.

[762] Then he'll stop killing.

[763] So his relationship, they do say it could prevent him from murdering, but they warn that more female rejection could trigger a relapse because, quote, the core of his problem has not been treated substantially.

[764] Anyway, bye, Willem, see you later.

[765] Good luck.

[766] There's your shit.

[767] Don't let the screen door hit you in the ass on the way out, as we say in my family.

[768] So when he's released in 1990, he and his wife of eight years, who he doesn't know that well, they move in into a house in Harkstead.

[769] That means you got it right, or they don't know.

[770] No, her whole head went over to the side like this.

[771] That can't be positive.

[772] But nobody else said anything either.

[773] I think they're just being polite.

[774] Oh.

[775] No. It doesn't matter.

[776] They're basically trying to tell us it doesn't matter.

[777] Okay.

[778] Thanks, guys.

[779] So watch this.

[780] He goes to a clinic in Groningen.

[781] Groningen.

[782] Okay, so he starts going to that clinic in Groningen for psychiatric care.

[783] He's described by the staff as one of the most difficult patients they've ever treated.

[784] Oh, can you imagine?

[785] At a mental hospital.

[786] That's bad.

[787] Yeah.

[788] It's not at Starbucks.

[789] And then, so that's like outpatient treatment, apparently.

[790] But then for a job and for a business, him and his wife, start a pet sitting business.

[791] I got problems with that.

[792] Yeah, because remember his history with ducks and puppies and dead frogs?

[793] Stephen.

[794] Stephen.

[795] So within six months, as we might have all guessed, problems begin to arise in the the home, Willem starts drinking and heavily, and then pretty soon his wife takes her, gathers up her five children and gets the fuck out.

[796] So that's when he begins to regularly hire sex workers in his home.

[797] So in November of 1993, the body of 23 -year -old Michelle Fattol is found in a ditch near the village of Enumatil.

[798] Got it.

[799] Keep going.

[800] They've just abandoned us entirely.

[801] We asked you to do something.

[802] You don't even know what I'm saying?

[803] It's that bad?

[804] Really?

[805] I'm so mad at you right now.

[806] E -N -U -M -A -T -I -L?

[807] That doesn't exist.

[808] It doesn't matter anymore.

[809] In a village.

[810] The body of a 23 -year -old sex worker is found in a ditch, and she's been strangled to death.

[811] And then 14 months later, January 21st, 19, The body of a 31 -year -old sex worker named Annalise Randiers is found in the Emscanal near Appingadem.

[812] Yeah?

[813] Wow.

[814] I'm going to move here.

[815] I'm going to teach English classes.

[816] Okay.

[817] Later that same year, the torso of a 24 -year -old sex worker.

[818] Antoinette Bont is found in Wincheter Dipe.

[819] And then later on, other body parts of hers are found in a duffel bag.

[820] So basically just, dead sex workers just start showing up over and over.

[821] Less than two years after that, the body of a 19 -year -old sex worker named Shirley Harger's is found.

[822] And then when they find her body, the police find out that her friend, Yolanda Meyer, is also missing.

[823] So then about three years after Shirley's body is discovered on July 17, 2001, the body of 34 -year -old Sosha Schenker is found in a canal.

[824] Police discover that Willem von Eyck is a regular customer of hers, and of course, then he becomes prime suspect.

[825] When her clothes are found several months later, in the same canal near his house, in a plastic bag weighted down with stones, that's when they arrest him.

[826] Why?

[827] The stones had his name on them?

[828] So, four months after they find her personal items on November 12, 2001, William Van Eyck is arrested upon suspicion of murder.

[829] He confesses to killing Michelle Fattol, Annalise Randers, and Saskia Schenker.

[830] Police also suspect him of two other unsolved murders, Antoinette Bont and Yolanda Meyer, but he does not confess to those crimes.

[831] So authorities excavate the ground all around his house.

[832] but they don't find anything.

[833] They think they're going to find missing bodies, but they don't find anything, and they can't find any hard evidence linking him to those two crimes.

[834] But between his first release in 1990 and his second arrest, there were eight sex workers and several other young women murdered in and around the area where he lived.

[835] But why wouldn't he confess to all of them?

[836] I don't know, because he's a big fucking asshole, I think.

[837] Yeah, but maybe he didn't do it.

[838] That's scary.

[839] What's scary is that maybe there were like four fucking murderers going on at once.

[840] Always.

[841] It's always a possibility.

[842] It's always definitely happening.

[843] So on November 7, 2002, he's tried, convicted, and sentenced to life in prison for the murder of Michelle Fetal, Annalise Rangers, and Saskashenker.

[844] He tries to appeal the Supreme Court of the Netherlands.

[845] It's like, go fuck yourself forever.

[846] All of his requests for clemency are denied.

[847] They're just like, no, we.

[848] We did it wrong the first time.

[849] This shit is over.

[850] His lawyer...

[851] What year was that?

[852] Sorry.

[853] That was 2002.

[854] His lawyer reads his statement and it says, quote, I killed those women.

[855] It's terrible.

[856] I did not want that.

[857] It happened to me. Dude, no. I did not think of it before, and it's still a mystery to me what has caused me to act like that.

[858] I am not a monster.

[859] disagree.

[860] I did not want all this too.

[861] To say that you are sorry is easy, but that is not what it is meant to be.

[862] I am sorry.

[863] I wish I could undo it even if it would be at the expense of my own life.

[864] Sounds great.

[865] And as of 2013, Yolanda Meyer's body has not been found.

[866] That's the most reason I was doing that thing.

[867] Have you done the thing where you look up an article on Google and you hit Google Translate?

[868] Yes.

[869] And then the article comes up in the most insane English that you're just like, what is this a fairy tale of some kind?

[870] I'm trying to read these stories.

[871] Yes.

[872] But from what I could, and that is like five years ago, so there might be an update since, but her body has not been found from the last thing I could find on Google.

[873] And although it was never proven that Willem was responsible for her disappearance, it's publicly believed that he killed both Shirley Higers and Yolanda Meyer.

[874] So that's what everyone around town thinks.

[875] And that is Willem von Eyck, everybody.

[876] Oh, my God.

[877] Good job.

[878] It's just so crazy that there are these, like, huge murders and serial killers and all over the world, and I've never heard of them.

[879] I know.

[880] Every story we've done here on our trip is like, what the fuck?

[881] This would have been, I should have known about this.

[882] Yeah.

[883] Well, they didn't know.

[884] That's true.

[885] Okay.

[886] Okay.

[887] I want to say this name right.

[888] Good fucking luck.

[889] I am doing the story of the murderer, Elcia Christianes.

[890] They've never heard of that.

[891] Or I said it wrong.

[892] It could be my fault.

[893] Elcia is her name.

[894] Okay.

[895] So Elcia Christian, or just Christians, was born in 1646 in Denmark.

[896] A while ago then.

[897] A while.

[898] This is an oldie.

[899] That's why they don't know her?

[900] Yeah.

[901] This is a classic.

[902] It's a, you know.

[903] From the old time, ours.

[904] It's one of these.

[905] It's one of these.

[906] You do this a lot on the podcast.

[907] You can't see us.

[908] When we talk about back in the day, it's usually a hitchhiking motion.

[909] Okay.

[910] Born in 1646.

[911] There's not a ton of shit known about her life from beforehand, because it's fucking old.

[912] You didn't undo some scrolls and try to get some information off.

[913] And from what it sounds like, she's just a normal human being.

[914] but in the spring of 1664, she's 18 years old, and she leaves Denmark once a new life and moves to Amsterdam, which is a booming fucking town at this point.

[915] There's not a ton of information about this murder, so let me tell you about Amsterdam.

[916] Oh, I'd love to...

[917] In the 17th century.

[918] I need to hear about this.

[919] Okay, great.

[920] I wish I should have known about this beforehand.

[921] The 17th century was Amsterdam's golden age, Karen.

[922] Was it?

[923] I think now is.

[924] I mean, right.

[925] Barfing tourists?

[926] In the year 1600, Hamsternam emerges as one of the world's most important centers of trade, everyone.

[927] You know this.

[928] You went to school here.

[929] They're like, yeah, I did this report in sixth grade.

[930] You're fucking copying my report right now.

[931] With trade, Karen, obviously came wealth and a blossoming arts and science scene.

[932] I was fucking scrounging.

[933] Yeah.

[934] What was their main?

[935] Export, Chrome.

[936] Well, it also became a vibrant cultural hub, and one of three Amsterdamers was an immigrant, it turns out.

[937] Wow.

[938] Sephardic Jews were fleeing persecution in Spain and Portugal, you know.

[939] Over there.

[940] So your menorah was real.

[941] That's right.

[942] Shit, I should have bought it.

[943] It was from the 1650s.

[944] It was an antique.

[945] Okay.

[946] Whatever.

[947] And then...

[948] Is that around the time cheese was invented?

[949] Yeah, and then I wrote again with trade came wealth and blossoming arts and science.

[950] Oh, and then she drew a picture of downtown Amsterdam like you used to do in book reports to fill up a whole page.

[951] Remember that?

[952] You'd be like, here's Abe Lincoln's house, pretty sure.

[953] They didn't do that.

[954] We did that.

[955] Yeah, that was us.

[956] That was our guy.

[957] Sorry.

[958] They were like, we like school.

[959] Okay.

[960] Yeah.

[961] Um, also, listen, ships from this, ships, foreign to bases of World War, which, what did ships do?

[962] What did ships do?

[963] What the fuck is this like?

[964] Did shit, I know.

[965] We basically accidentally start a podcast where now we have to travel the world giving book reports to cities about their own cities.

[966] College dropouts.

[967] This is ridiculous.

[968] And you bought a ticket for it.

[969] I don't know what's happening.

[970] I might still be high from yesterday.

[971] Oh, that'd be cool If like a second high kicked in And we're just like, tell me about ships Imports, exports Keep hitting my teeth with this microphone Okay, but then Spices?

[972] Spices happen Did they bring spices in?

[973] Goods of Euro, leading financial center Then I write about something that interests me Which is the bubonic plague Oh The Bubonic plague Fucking comes around from And from 1663 to 1666, more than 10 % of the population died of plague.

[974] Fuck.

[975] That's fucking fun, right?

[976] By 1670, no fewer than 220 ,000 people lived in the city.

[977] It was fucking crowded.

[978] They build more of it.

[979] You guys know this story.

[980] But back to 1664.

[981] When our gal, Elsia, is 18 years old, she comes to Amsterdam.

[982] She's like, I want to live here.

[983] She finds a place to live.

[984] She runs a room with the landlord.

[985] lady.

[986] Wow, that's so, like, independent for a gal in the 16 -100.

[987] I know.

[988] I wonder what she was like.

[989] She wants to be a maid, so she starts looking for a job to get to be a maid, but within two weeks she can't find a job.

[990] She's running out of money.

[991] She can't pay rent.

[992] let's see, she lived on the Damrak.

[993] Domrock.

[994] Thank you.

[995] You guys, then you'll know that it's an avenue and partially filled canals.

[996] Oh, yes, yes.

[997] The Domrak.

[998] It's right in Amsterdam Central in the northern Dom Square in the south, and she looks for a job.

[999] I hear there's a great McDonald's over there.

[1000] And then I wrote about poor people back then in Amsterdam.

[1001] What were they like?

[1002] Well, they didn't have a system of civic, poor relief, and charitable institutions.

[1003] Well, that's nice.

[1004] So the old and the insane, the sick, and orphans were supported, whatever.

[1005] Just emotionally?

[1006] Yeah.

[1007] It's like, yeah, keep it up, you guys.

[1008] You'll get there someday.

[1009] Don't give up.

[1010] Don't drop out of college.

[1011] So she can't find a job.

[1012] The landlady's fucking pissed about it.

[1013] One morning she wakes Elsia up and is like, pay me rent.

[1014] And Elsa's like, I can't.

[1015] And the landlady grabs a fucking broom and starts hitting her with it.

[1016] Oh, shit.

[1017] That's ultimate.

[1018] Pay me rent.

[1019] Elsa does what any fucking normal person does and sees a fucking axe lying there and picks it up.

[1020] Yeah.

[1021] Because there were just but a big axe shipment that morning.

[1022] Right.

[1023] One of the many axes.

[1024] Imported from Canada.

[1025] And even though the landlady's right, Elsie's like, no, I can't, and then hits her with the axe.

[1026] I think it was a couple times.

[1027] It's hard, you know, there's not a lot.

[1028] And she falls down the flight of stairs into the cellar, and she lays there dead.

[1029] Shit.

[1030] Meanwhile, the neighbors, because it seems like every wall is shared in the city.

[1031] Yeah.

[1032] are like, that sounded bad.

[1033] So they come over.

[1034] Was there a broom axe fight in here just a second ago?

[1035] Because we are positive, I heard.

[1036] The distinct sounds of a broom slash axe fight.

[1037] Broom axe fight.

[1038] It's like, shh, ch, kuh, kuh.

[1039] Yeah.

[1040] Stairs.

[1041] Someone brought a broom to an axe fight.

[1042] Yes.

[1043] I didn't want to.

[1044] Thank you.

[1045] Thank you.

[1046] Don't bring a broom to an axe fight.

[1047] next fight.

[1048] It's true, though.

[1049] But how would you...

[1050] Okay.

[1051] So she answers the door to the neighbors, and she's like covered in blood, and they're like, something's going on.

[1052] She runs out to try to run away, and they go in and discover the body.

[1053] I think they must chase after her or something because she jumps into one of the canals.

[1054] I would too.

[1055] You know?

[1056] But she can't swim.

[1057] Oh, I would not.

[1058] So the bystanders help her out of the water and they bring her before the city magistrates when questioned though she eventually confesses to the murder of her landlady.

[1059] She's taken a trial, she's found guilty and sentenced to death.

[1060] Shit, that was fast for her.

[1061] Uh -huh.

[1062] Yeah, she was like looking for a job one day.

[1063] She's like, here's me in the big so, shit.

[1064] Now I'm going to be killed by the government.

[1065] Yep.

[1066] So this is the first execution of a woman in Amsterdam in 21 years.

[1067] So, of course, the public goes fucking, like, crazy, and it's a big spectacle.

[1068] And they do it in front of everyone back then, executions.

[1069] Executions were like HBO back then.

[1070] It was just, like, primo cable television.

[1071] Exactly.

[1072] So everyone wanted to come watch.

[1073] But here, okay, so the method of execution is also controversial.

[1074] So, even for that back then in the 1600s, which is, like, fucking drawn and quartered a bit of times.

[1075] When you, like, this.

[1076] The standard way was being lektard and feathered, I think.

[1077] Sure.

[1078] I didn't look that part up.

[1079] Let's just keep naming ways people used to get killed.

[1080] Let's see.

[1081] Well, here's one.

[1082] Oh.

[1083] She would be strangled with the grot.

[1084] Remember that from John Bonnet Ramsey?

[1085] Yes.

[1086] Thank you.

[1087] My cap.

[1088] And at the same time, she would be hitting the head with an axe.

[1089] Not just any axe, but the axe that she used to kill her fucking landlady.

[1090] Yeah.

[1091] That's a vengeance.

[1092] I hope you learn your lesson.

[1093] Oh, wait, you're dead.

[1094] Like, fuck.

[1095] And people were like, great.

[1096] What time do we get there to watch?

[1097] I want to pull my kids out of school.

[1098] Is it going to be at one or two?

[1099] Yeah.

[1100] I got to start dinner at three, so it better be quick.

[1101] Because it's old and done times.

[1102] Right.

[1103] We have to eat before the sun goes down.

[1104] That's right.

[1105] Or we'll die of the bubonic plate.

[1106] That's right.

[1107] Because that's what they thought caused it back then.

[1108] That's not true.

[1109] Don't quote me on this.

[1110] This is when the book report goes way out of control.

[1111] Well, we found out recently from a friend that the show Drunk History, which is so great, that they're using our research for their new season, and we're like, don't do that.

[1112] Don't do that.

[1113] All right.

[1114] Do which is going to be a good season, I guess.

[1115] Blah, blah, blah, same acts, public exclusion.

[1116] That's not how you say it.

[1117] What was it?

[1118] Took place in the Central Dam Square, Dom Square, and Amsterdam.

[1119] You guys have been there.

[1120] They used to kill people there, it turns out.

[1121] Okay, so not only is she, going to get fucking strangled, and then some guy has to hit her in the head with the axe.

[1122] Afterwards, they're going to publicly display her body, which is the thing they did back then with, like, particularly bad criminals to humiliate them in their death, but also to be like, don't kill your landlady with an axe to everyone.

[1123] This is what happens to you.

[1124] This is the only way you'll learn.

[1125] Right.

[1126] Because the Bible hadn't been invented yet?

[1127] Who knows?

[1128] Okay.

[1129] Nobody knows.

[1130] We don't know.

[1131] And we can't find out.

[1132] Moving on.

[1133] I tried to look it up on the McDonald's screen, but it wouldn't fucking tell me. Destroy.

[1134] I destroyed the Bible.

[1135] What I love is, sorry, sidebar.

[1136] I just, you had to order ketchupes on that screen.

[1137] McDonald's is getting cheap, y 'all.

[1138] They will not give you ketchup unless you beg for it, like a peasant.

[1139] And so I was like, fine, I'll pay for an extra for a ketchup or whatever.

[1140] And then when I went to walk away, I opened the bag and there was no ketchup.

[1141] And I went back with just a hideous American tourist and I just held up the receipt.

[1142] You were not fucking around.

[1143] But how good was the McDonald's?

[1144] It was so much better than American McDonald's.

[1145] It was like clearly made with love.

[1146] And I thank you for that.

[1147] I've just realized I've had McDonald's three times on this trip.

[1148] Let's make it one more.

[1149] Okay.

[1150] It was better than in Dublin.

[1151] And when we were in Oslo, that was the...

[1152] That's McDonald's what you had so far.

[1153] We get to a lot of places very late.

[1154] We're like, we're staying at hotels.

[1155] We're like, oh, no, we stop serving.

[1156] We stop serving everything at seven.

[1157] We're like, please, help us.

[1158] We don't know what time it is.

[1159] We haven't slept in hours.

[1160] That's right.

[1161] In hours?

[1162] I need to sleep for at least 16 hours a day or this shit falls apart.

[1163] Every two hours, I need a nap.

[1164] I'm like a six -month -old baby.

[1165] you have to feed me and then put me to bed every two fucking hours.

[1166] I'm like a six -month pregnant woman and I need to eat for two and take a nap all the time.

[1167] Okay.

[1168] How's my hair?

[1169] I just don't know what I'm doing with it.

[1170] Shooze it up on this side a little bit more.

[1171] Yeah.

[1172] There it is.

[1173] Okay.

[1174] Here we go.

[1175] Thanks.

[1176] No, stop it.

[1177] I can't.

[1178] McDonald.

[1179] Okay.

[1180] It's what have I greased my hair with McDonald's We're like you when you come as an American When you come to Europe You try to be not American Like you try to just not talk and pretend You just apologize the whole time Yeah try to pretend that you're from somewhere else And we've just fucking Americaned it up all I mean there's just no mistaking it Like you guys McDonald's Okay Okay Okay her body was to be displayed I quote, to be digested by the air and the birds.

[1181] Oh.

[1182] Yeah.

[1183] So lift it to rock.

[1184] Yep.

[1185] At the gallows field, there's a whole area for it, outside the city.

[1186] Okay, there, so her body was hung on a gibbet.

[1187] Do you know what that is?

[1188] Sure.

[1189] Let me tell you what it is in great detail.

[1190] Great.

[1191] Just kidding.

[1192] It's a gallows -type structure from which the dead or dying bodies of criminals are hung on public display.

[1193] And sometimes it's like the body -shaped, cage so that they can't even like, they have to stay in like human looking form the whole fucking time.

[1194] So they can't even like, oh, my nose is.

[1195] No, I think it's like the dead people too or it's like they can't fall off of it.

[1196] They have to stay in this, they're like kept in this cage.

[1197] That's horrifying.

[1198] I know.

[1199] You know what I mean?

[1200] Yes.

[1201] So it almost is like a sewing mannequin, but you can see through it.

[1202] There you go.

[1203] And then there's a person in there rotting.

[1204] Uh -huh.

[1205] Bup, but, but, but, but, okay, it's supposed to deter other existing or potential criminals.

[1206] Doesn't do it.

[1207] Nope, no. Bet that doesn't work.

[1208] Okay.

[1209] So, okay.

[1210] And then alongside her body, so she's hung up, and then next to her, hanging next to her head is the axe.

[1211] Shit.

[1212] Like, they can knock it over this fucking axe.

[1213] Yeah.

[1214] She's just, like, randomly picked it up.

[1215] It wasn't like it was her axe, and she loved it.

[1216] I know.

[1217] I'm so glad it wasn't something embarrassing, like, her own bra or, like, whatever would be kind of humiliating, like strong underwear.

[1218] I don't know what it would be that would actually kill somebody.

[1219] At least an axe is kind of scary.

[1220] Right.

[1221] Yeah.

[1222] Totally.

[1223] Totally.

[1224] Oh, I mean it.

[1225] Okay.

[1226] Hung next to her head.

[1227] So her death probably would have been forgotten, right?

[1228] Except, and you aren't history majors, should fucking know this.

[1229] A certain painter was was interested in her death.

[1230] So, your dude, Rembrandt.

[1231] Ooh.

[1232] And congratulations on Rembrandt, by the way.

[1233] And Van Gogh.

[1234] Pretty much all of them.

[1235] Yeah, a lot of them are from around here.

[1236] 1664.

[1237] So Rembrandt's almost 60 years old at this point.

[1238] He didn't go to the public execution.

[1239] But later that same day, by the time she had been hung up, he rose his boat from his modest house on Rosengracht.

[1240] Thank you.

[1241] To the Volk.

[1242] Volchik.

[1243] V -O -L -E -W -I -J -K.

[1244] Wait, they're stoned.

[1245] Oh, shit.

[1246] You ate the meatballs, didn't you?

[1247] And so he fucking ro -rub -rows his boat over there.

[1248] Sure.

[1249] And he fucking, like, sees her up there, and he, like, sketches two drawings of her.

[1250] Oh.

[1251] It's one up close and one.

[1252] profile and they're so fucking creepy and like there's so much feeling in them even though they're just like basic sketches.

[1253] Her face shows a look of disbelief and resignation.

[1254] It's just this sad look on her face that you can just tell what it says even just with this basic drawing.

[1255] He was good.

[1256] I mean, pretty good.

[1257] It's pretty good.

[1258] It's officially known, the work is officially known as a woman hanging on a gibbet.

[1259] And at this point in his life, he had already buried two of his wives, one recently from the plague, and three children, and he was in a financial straight, like he wasn't fucking doing well.

[1260] Even Rembrandt didn't do well, you guys, so fucking don't worry about your shit.

[1261] Don't feel bad.

[1262] There's so many Rembrandts in this audience tonight.

[1263] You're going to be fine in a hundred years.

[1264] So he wasn't the only artist who drew something from him.

[1265] There's also a pen and ink drawing with watercolor by Anthony Van Ann Borsum, in which her body was seen hanging alongside other criminals at an execution site.

[1266] So Rembrandt's is special because it's just her, you know, as the subject, but his is this kind of interesting looking.

[1267] It looks, it's like what you would fucking see back then, which is a lot of dead bodies.

[1268] So back then, back then it was drawn recently.

[1269] People were trying to identify the date of the sketch of Rembrandt's, and they were like, at 1665, all these like, no, but all art people were like, I know what time, you're where it's from.

[1270] But because it was one of his rare drawings that he drew of a current event, they could then place it because of her back to 1664.

[1271] So in their face.

[1272] Yeah.

[1273] Okay.

[1274] So Tom DeFreston, an artist based in Oxford, said this about the case.

[1275] The law courts had obviously felt that a public hanging would act as a deterrent, but from its punishments such as this that we should be deterred.

[1276] I can't help but see an irony in the fact that her surname is Christians, for it was a Christian society that preached forgiveness but was happy to sanction and support the barbaric acts of cruel punishment.

[1277] She is with doubt a victim of a system whose crimes, hanging an impoverished 18 -year -old girl, went far, or far worse.

[1278] And both of Rembrandt's drawings of this event are at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York.

[1279] And that's the Murderer, Elsia Christians.

[1280] Thanks.

[1281] Do we have time for a hometown?

[1282] Let's do it.

[1283] All right.

[1284] Listen to the, you know, there's some rules.

[1285] Oh, my God, you guys, there have been so many great hometown murders during this tour.

[1286] It's been so awesome.

[1287] So you probably know this if you listen to the podcast.

[1288] We just tell you really quickly.

[1289] You don't seem like a super drunk audience or stone, but if you're under the influence in any way.

[1290] That's fine with us as long as you can tell your own story coherently and follow it all the way through.

[1291] That's key.

[1292] It needs to have a beginning and a middle and an end.

[1293] Not just tonight, but any time you tell the story.

[1294] Please.

[1295] Don't be one of those people that just fucking start shit and then wanders off.

[1296] It's very irritating.

[1297] Let's see.

[1298] We want it to be local.

[1299] We would love for it to be from Amsterdam proper, but like, again, we don't want to hear from back in Arizona.

[1300] And just make it quick because if you get picked, all the people that didn't get picked hate your guts.

[1301] And now Georgia will put her special picking.

[1302] There's Vince, our tour manager.

[1303] Okay, can I have a lights up?

[1304] Anyone have a home to?

[1305] Oh, look at this.

[1306] Am I going to have to pick the only person with her hand out?

[1307] Go to Vince.

[1308] This way.

[1309] You got it.

[1310] all right nice we love running yay okay don't yell okay you put the lights down or she'll freak out oh there's people up there too high hey guys that's crazy it's Tatiana you guys we got our jacket on two turn around awesome oh yes that too yes that too where are you from Tatiana I'm actually from Canada okay wait wait wait okay I live in Switzerland okay okay yeah I work for the U .S Okay.

[1311] And then I found out you were touring.

[1312] And so I was like, oh, let's go to Amsterdam.

[1313] Thank you.

[1314] What's your hometown?

[1315] My hometown is Winnipeg, Manitoba.

[1316] Okay.

[1317] She just doesn't give a fuck about the rules.

[1318] No. No, but...

[1319] Okay.

[1320] I lived all over Canada.

[1321] My dad is a PhD, so you go where the contract is.

[1322] And I had a crush on a boy who is now, in prison for murder for hire.

[1323] Oh.

[1324] Yes.

[1325] Okay, what happened?

[1326] So I was in the seventh and eighth grade in Ontario, and his name was Dennis.

[1327] And so we used to walk home together.

[1328] And so I ended up moving around a lot as a child.

[1329] And then about 10 years ago, a dear friend named Katie emailed me and says, hey, do you remember Dennis?

[1330] I'm like, yes.

[1331] I do.

[1332] And she's like, he's in prison.

[1333] for murder.

[1334] And I'm like, oh.

[1335] And so yeah, he unfortunately got involved in a murder for hire case in Kitchener, Ontario.

[1336] And he currently is in appeals.

[1337] What did he do?

[1338] So there is a woman who was married to him.

[1339] I don't know the woman.

[1340] I don't know the man, but he was apparently, she was apparently married to a man who didn't want to be married to her anymore.

[1341] And he hired to, and he hired two people, one of them being this boy, I had a crush...

[1342] He killed it?

[1343] Did he do it?

[1344] Currently in the Canadian court system, they're in appeals as to who held the gun.

[1345] Oh, no. So he did it.

[1346] He did it.

[1347] Tatiana, everybody.

[1348] Good job.

[1349] Thank you.

[1350] Thank you so much.

[1351] Well, that's it.

[1352] Amsterdam.

[1353] That was our show for you.

[1354] Yeah, thanks, Amsterdam.

[1355] We can't believe that we are so freaking lucky that we got to come here.

[1356] to your city and to Europe in general for this podcast that we started in my living room with cats everywhere.

[1357] So thank you guys so much for making that happen.

[1358] Also, thank you guys for becoming your own community.

[1359] That's kind of the coolest thing that we keep watching and hearing about and seeing is the listeners of this show have now become murderinos.

[1360] And the murderinos have started communities all throughout the world and with each other.

[1361] And so often we do meet and greets at our show.

[1362] We have people come up and say they have extreme anxiety, they've never gone anywhere by themselves, and they come to our show by themselves, and then they meet friends at the shows.

[1363] And that is, we also have people telling us they've gone back to college to become forensic pathological investigators.

[1364] There are people that come up.

[1365] There's a girl and a woman in London who came and showed us her acceptance, her college acceptance letters to two different colleges because she was going to study forensics and she had already dropped out of college and thought she would never finish and she decided after listening this podcast that she was going to go back and is she here is that why you're pointing or is no oh I thought somebody was like it and she's here tonight um but it's just like we it's just so funny it's a it's a personal conversation george and i started having two years ago that we thought we'd record to see if anybody else cared about it.

[1366] And all of a sudden, all this other amazing stuff is happening.

[1367] And we get the credit for it.

[1368] It's so amazing.

[1369] So thank you so much for being here, for being so awesome, for being so supportive.

[1370] We can't thank you enough.

[1371] And please stay sexy.

[1372] And don't.

[1373] Goodbye Amsterdam.

[1374] Thank you.