Ben Schwartz

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Dan Rather, and I'm joined by Monica Monsoon, multi -time Emmy Award nominee.

[2] Is it multi or just one?

[3] It's just one.

[4] Okay.

[5] Well, one -time nominee.

[6] Let it be said, let it happen, or whatever the saying is.

[7] Oh, I like that.

[8] Put it out there.

[9] Yeah, so it has said, so it'll happen.

[10] Anyways, today we have a friend, Ben Schwartz, who Monica has their own experience with him, which is going to be.

[11] majorly titillating to hear and then i know him because christin was on a show with him for years house of lies and he's just a lovely incredibly talented super funny actor comedian writer director and producer you probably fell in love with them on parks and recreation he was on house of lies and he's got a great live show middle ditch and schwartz middle ditch and swarch why can't i say it's what is it middle ditch and schwartz middle dits and yeah it's a top twisty middle tits and schnard middle tits and schwan's which is a great live show and it is on netflix but he is here today to talk about flora and ulysses which is an imaginative and creative 10 -year -old cynic never could have predicted that her little squirrel would be born anew as a superhero and have the uncanny knack for helping her and the lovable but broken people in her life so check out flora and ulysses and enjoy ben shorts and ad free right now.

[12] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[13] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[14] How are you guys?

[15] Look how cute your sweater is.

[16] It's got splatters.

[17] It's not mine.

[18] Someone gave it to me for press.

[19] Oh, yeah, it's nice.

[20] But it's yours.

[21] For the next couple hours, it's mine.

[22] Then I put it in a bag and it's no longer.

[23] What a great place to start.

[24] So, hi, Dax, hi, Monica.

[25] First of all, lovely to see you both.

[26] So lovely to see you.

[27] What a beautiful pleasure this is.

[28] Sometimes we get to talk to one of the good guys.

[29] Yeah.

[30] But let's talk about it.

[31] So you're on a press junk and then I just want to know what your thoughts are.

[32] So I have a style I'm comfortable with.

[33] I've been wearing this virtually the same style since high school.

[34] I just changed like how baggy or tight everything is.

[35] But virtually it's the same.

[36] Okay.

[37] And then you go on a press junket and I realize, well, you can't wear the same shirt at every one of these things and then it's stressful and then they recommend maybe someone comes and helps you and then they do that and then my experience is like I only like like one in 30 things and then I end up wearing things that everyone's saying you look fantastic and I feel ridiculous in right but I go with it and I just want to know your whole wardrobe experience.

[38] A perfect example is this if I pass this by in a store and never in a million years would I purchase it and it's so funny because it's usually those clothes are the ones that we are seen in the most because those are the press tours and those are the ones you're on camera or you're on like a talk show.

[39] And like, that's an incredible suit.

[40] I was like, I would never buy this because I'd be afraid I'd rip it and then I've lost so much money.

[41] I could never do it.

[42] Yes.

[43] And also many times we'll look at stuff and I'll be like, can I just wear like this shirt that I've owned for 40 years?

[44] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[45] Fine, fine, but I try to take more risks now when I'm doing stuff because if you look at any interview, it looks like I'm wearing the same exact version of a thing in every single one.

[46] So it looks like just nothing has changed in my life from like 10 years from now until now.

[47] Yeah, like an archaeologist couldn't actually date it because there's no actual progression.

[48] That's exactly correct.

[49] And what we do is basically for an archaeologist to like say exactly where we are in this time.

[50] You know what I mean?

[51] I often fantasize about what those future archaeologists will be saying about me. Oh my God.

[52] Do you have any idea?

[53] If you time capsuled your life, Dax and Monica, what's the first thing that you would put in like this item represents me the most?

[54] Wow.

[55] I never thought of that question.

[56] until this moment.

[57] And here we are.

[58] What a beautiful question.

[59] You know, they say good politicians answer the question they wanted to be asked?

[60] So, like, well, the question I want to answer, answer.

[61] Answer.

[62] Is what the, like, forensic anthro osteologist would say when they just saw my skeleton.

[63] Oh, that's interesting.

[64] And I think they would think, oh, this guy fell out of really tall places a lot.

[65] Like he had some job where he constantly fell out of a tree or off a roof.

[66] Your bones are so broken and put back together.

[67] Yeah, there's so much proof of bone mending that.

[68] What else would they guess?

[69] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[70] Just this man loves screws.

[71] This man loves to like really fuck himself over, really feel pain.

[72] Monica, but you answered the question.

[73] You thought it was beautiful.

[74] Yeah, and I will too.

[75] I will too.

[76] And I can't wait.

[77] We're going to respect the question.

[78] Yeah, and our guests.

[79] The first thing in the time capsule would probably be a cookie.

[80] Yeah, that's a good one because I stole a lot of cookies when I was little.

[81] Okay.

[82] Or probably my cheerleading rings.

[83] Yeah, yeah.

[84] Chearleading rings?

[85] Like.

[86] State champ rings.

[87] Two of them.

[88] Wow.

[89] All right.

[90] Ben, do you ever kick yourself?

[91] I mean, I understand you're in love now, so.

[92] But do you ever just kick yourself like, God, I was swimming in the same pond?

[93] Maund is Monica and I fucking let her get away.

[94] If I were you, I would be, it would haunt me at night.

[95] Every day.

[96] If you had met Monica at a certain time before you met Kristen, it would haunt you for the rest of your life, you think?

[97] Oh, that's, when you put it that way, it's really an answer.

[98] He's really twisted everything.

[99] Yeah, he's good.

[100] He's good.

[101] He's good.

[102] But that's too theoretical because I didn't meet Monica before I met Kristen.

[103] But you did meet Monica before.

[104] Monica, we didn't get to spend a lot of time together, though.

[105] Yeah.

[106] Even then, I mean, I knew you because of UCB.

[107] but you didn't know me because of UCB.

[108] So I think the first time we really met was probably through Laura, and that would have been post -Georgia.

[109] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[110] But you know, Monica worked at the L .A. UCB for years.

[111] As an intern?

[112] First an intern, and then I was a house manager there.

[113] Oh, my God.

[114] Very exciting, by the way.

[115] I know.

[116] Very exciting.

[117] That would be in there.

[118] My hoodie would be in the time capsule.

[119] Tell people what a UCB hoodie is because even I don't know what that means.

[120] UCB is the Upright Citizens Brigade.

[121] It's a theater that I started at in Chelsea, in New York, and then there's one over here in L .A. And it's long -form improv, and the type of improv, because you're a groundling, sometimes we could talk about the different versions if the listeners want to know is a game -based improv.

[122] We're like, we try to find the game of a scene, and we try to hit it, you know, and then how would you describe groundlings?

[123] I know people from groundlings say it's more character -based improv, but how would you describe it?

[124] Well, there's a bunch of different shows there are just like there are, you know, at UCB.

[125] So in general, like, a show would have had, the first act would have been like a lot of short, like three, four minute improvs.

[126] Right.

[127] Premise driven, right?

[128] Where someone's trying to guess something that no one knows, you know, everyone else knows but that person, whatever.

[129] And then a little intermission.

[130] And then one long form at the end.

[131] So that existed.

[132] But in a general show, when you would go see a Groundland Saturday night show, you're going to see like probably 12 sketches.

[133] And then interspersed will be probably three improv sets that are short.

[134] sketch length.

[135] And yes, very character -driven.

[136] That's their preferred method of entering info into a scene.

[137] I feel like quarantine is maybe very nostalgic, very nostalgic for things, either from my childhood or from whatever.

[138] And one of the questions I was talking about with my friend was, what part of your life was like the most, like, you're like, oh, this was like, I was so happy.

[139] This is one of my favorite parts of my life.

[140] And it's the beginning of impact.

[141] It's not even like playing these, I know you two and I get to tour these incredible places, which is amazing and insane that we get to play Chicago Theater or Carnegie Hall, but starting off an improv and having like your closest friends doing shows, making no money, and then watching like Amy Poehler perform and watching Tina Fey perform and watching, you know, like Ian Robertson.

[142] That was some of my favorite moments in my entire life, going out drinking afterwards and being around like Horatio Sands for the first time being like, oh my God, Horatio is right there.

[143] Uh -huh.

[144] I remember just having so much fun failing and not being great but trying to get better and then slowly getting your first real laughs and that stuff was having to me. I totally agree.

[145] There's this like really unique feeling and it's just so special where it's like you enter this thing with tons of fear and doubt.

[146] And then there's this little area where you're like, oh my gosh, I think I might be able to do this.

[147] That's right.

[148] And on some nights I do and then on other nights I suck.

[149] And then that wave of that is really euphoric.

[150] Because you also feel like a complete failure sometimes.

[151] If a show goes terribly, you're like, I can't do this.

[152] I'm not good enough to do this.

[153] Yeah, I've chosen the wrong path.

[154] That's exactly right.

[155] And then there's moments where, like, someone will come up afterwards that you don't know.

[156] It's not a friend that's at a show.

[157] And they'll say something kind about your performance and you will be flying on cloud.

[158] Oh, yeah.

[159] I couldn't agree more.

[160] What a great point.

[161] You know, people have told me nice things on the street about movies I'm in.

[162] But it had never felt like when someone would say, like they had seen me at the ground lanes and then they brought it up.

[163] It was like, wait.

[164] Yeah, it's so unique and fun.

[165] Yeah.

[166] And they didn't even know you then back.

[167] then, you know what I mean?

[168] You weren't on punk date or anything like that.

[169] It's a very like, I think you're funny, man. And you're like, oh, my God.

[170] What?

[171] It's a very exciting feeling.

[172] It is.

[173] It's such an insular world, though.

[174] Like, it's so funny when I think back on like, a lot of those moments for me were in class and the teachers, you know, like Fernie or Eugene, you know?

[175] And it's like, oh my God.

[176] Yeah, Dax is really jealous of Eugene.

[177] Eugene Cordero is one of the most incredible human beings and funny when i used to make short films i put him in every single one of my short films because i just thought he was the funniest person in the world yeah i'm gonna kill him yeah me i call mean jean cordel yeah that makes sense yeah i mean you you understand of course yeah mean jorda but once it all started with monica and um christin just i overheard him in the living room and they were just gushing about mean jean and i was like okay enough about mean jean he's not thinking about He is the funniest person in the world.

[178] He is.

[179] If someone says, like, that person's so funny, is there a jealousy that comes from you if someone's funnier or more good looking or is there one that trumps the other ones?

[180] Well, I operate assuming everyone's more good looking than me. I'm in that same camp.

[181] Right, right.

[182] You and I have a ton of shared things I want to, like, get into.

[183] Also, I find you very good looking.

[184] And then because of that, you saying that maybe you feel the same way.

[185] Maybe it's a way we think about ourselves.

[186] But to me, you're just being kind in saying that.

[187] No, no, no, first of all.

[188] You obviously know you're more attractive than many of the people.

[189] And Monica is shaking.

[190] She knows as well, you must think you're, you must look at some, even a guess that you have on to be like, oh, I know I'm more attracted than fucking Schwartz.

[191] You know what I mean?

[192] Like something like that.

[193] No, no, hold on, hold on.

[194] We got to really get into the granular detail here because, and we, Monica and I were just talking about that.

[195] Do I look at someone and think their face is more appealing than mine all the time?

[196] And very infrequently will I go like my face.

[197] Now, I have a confidence.

[198] and then I have some sexual appeal.

[199] I don't know how else to explain that women liked me before I was famous.

[200] I don't think it's because of my face.

[201] So I do have some weird, probably overconfidence in one area.

[202] And this is something I think we share.

[203] And I think I isolated it in you the first time you and I danced together.

[204] When did we, I can't wait for this.

[205] When do we dance together?

[206] We're all scatty wampus.

[207] We are so scatty wampus, but fuck it.

[208] Here we are.

[209] We were at Rashida's birthday party, the cereal.

[210] Sure.

[211] Truly one of the most special things of all time I have a picture I know exactly what you're talking about There's a picture of us in Jammy's dancing Yeah so Rashida that's the best concept for a birthday party You come in pajamas and every cereal ever made is on the counter And it's a dance party so there's like a real There was a DJ right?

[212] Yeah yeah and they play 90s hip -hop and R &B Oh wow And you ate cereal and dance Yes and Monica when I tell you every single cereal was there Like someone went to a ralphs and fucking bought the whole aisle It is an incredible idea Because also everybody's dressed kind of silly So you're not a self -conscious when you're dancing around people Because everybody already looks like it's like a pajama jammy jam type thing Oh, it's so special And then so immediately I said Oh Ben Schwartz can dance He's very confident and he's got rhythm And so I said to myself Oh this is pretty Not not dance rhythm like sexual rhythm sexual rhythm oh really off of dancing you can feel that yes i can absolutely i know it i know it you may deny it but it's the truth and anyone who will has ever seen you dance will probably share my opinion it's fun it reframed you like i knew you as someone who was really funny and outgoing your hair is so enviable it's so fucking enviable my hair when i was coming up was never a thing and you were one of the first people that pulled me aside and told me how special it was when I got here.

[213] You were like, you literally said, I remember, that's so funny because that party was, I mean, it could have been a decade ago.

[214] It probably was still when Parks was going on.

[215] And you're like, dude, you talked about thickness of hair and you're like, dude, this is, this is your calling card?

[216] And by the way, it might have been that that made me feel like, oh, my God, if this goes away, is that going to be terrible?

[217] Like, because it's going to sometime go away.

[218] But you made a point of it.

[219] And only when I moved to L .A., I started to notice it more and more.

[220] more and more people would come up to me and men would come up to me and be like, dude, good for you.

[221] Hold on to it as long as you can.

[222] Yeah, the Boston thing, like, good for you.

[223] Good for you.

[224] Yeah, yeah.

[225] Okay, so your dancing gave me a little window into this side of you that I really just wasn't aware of.

[226] And then I came to find out and you'll hate this, but I came to find out everyone at UCB was in love with you.

[227] So I wasn't shocked by that.

[228] And then so I just - And look surprised how you cannot.

[229] be surprised by that.

[230] I don't see, I don't feel or see that at all.

[231] No, think about it.

[232] You don't feel that at Groundlings and you feel people, like the way that you express that would never in a million years would I have thought that, never.

[233] But what about the line?

[234] Like, oh yeah, but that's fans coming to laugh.

[235] You're talking about people at UCB would come to be like, oh, look at this guy.

[236] I think like, oh, I can make them laugh and they think we're funny.

[237] And I think that's why they're coming.

[238] I would never in a million years.

[239] And I guarantee if you talk to audiences that come to our shows, it won't be like look at this fucking beautiful Jewish Muppet like it's not like that it's like oh these guys are maybe maybe they'll think oh they're kind of cute but they're fun I feel like I look like I can't believe that's how you see it's insane it's so on par with how everyone sees it well I'll just I mean I was one of those people yeah she wanted to roll around with you is that true Monica?

[240] Yes never you showed no sign of any of that by the well I didn't because I didn't know how to do that I was scared But I definitely was there for that reason, and I know many people were.

[241] Yeah.

[242] If not everyone.

[243] Okay.

[244] And you're not wrong.

[245] So, yes, people came to see you laugh and you predictably could make them laugh.

[246] But then that also created PQs.

[247] What's PQ?

[248] Tell me about a PQ is.

[249] A pussy quiver.

[250] So.

[251] This is a term we invented.

[252] What you can't see is Dax explaining Pussy Quiver with like the technical handman.

[253] of being like, yes, that's 400 grams of salt you're going to put, like, a measurement of like scientific, whatever.

[254] 400 grams.

[255] He literally, like, put his hand together like, you dumb idiot.

[256] A pussy quiver, of course.

[257] And so it was a very beautiful moment.

[258] Yeah.

[259] So the gals in some of the guys, I guess they're getting AQs, but whatever it is, people are getting, people are getting cues when they watch it because you go in there and you're like, look at these two goofy sons of bitches.

[260] And then something happens where, like, the confidence is there.

[261] And then I think a girl or a woman or a man goes, this person would be really fun.

[262] I don't know why I'm theorizing.

[263] You could tell us.

[264] Is that kind of the, what are the steps?

[265] Is this uncomfortable to talk about Monica or no?

[266] I see your face feeling maybe it is.

[267] It is.

[268] But look, this is what we do here.

[269] We pretty much just get uncomfortable quick.

[270] If we're not uncomfortable, the episode sucks.

[271] Well, the first time I saw you, I was going to a convoy show.

[272] So Todd was my teacher.

[273] Great.

[274] great teacher, great group.

[275] Very interested in Todd as well.

[276] Oh my God.

[277] I know, I know, I know.

[278] I know.

[279] I know.

[280] It's a problem.

[281] Okay.

[282] I love it.

[283] Maximus Mouse.

[284] It's rare she met a teacher that she wasn't sexually attracted to.

[285] That she didn't have a PQ from.

[286] Okay.

[287] So I was very interested in Todd.

[288] My first improv teacher.

[289] Also my first improv teacher.

[290] Like that's a big deal.

[291] He's, you know, teaching me the ways.

[292] Introducing you to the world.

[293] Yeah.

[294] And so I. I go to a convoy show, which people who don't know is a UCB show with three guys and they're unbelievable.

[295] And I got there and I think Todd was not there.

[296] And I was so pissed.

[297] I was, that's the reason I went.

[298] I was so pissed.

[299] And you were standing in.

[300] Oh.

[301] In a convoy show?

[302] I probably only did that once or twice in my career.

[303] Well, luck would have.

[304] I'm in a simulation, so of course I caught the one.

[305] As luck would have it.

[306] And you were there.

[307] Hold on one second, though.

[308] I just want to point out the context.

[309] So you're digging yourself out of a hole because...

[310] Big time.

[311] Todd's not there.

[312] I don't even know who Todd is.

[313] You're not Todd.

[314] And she's in love with Todd and Todd's not there so she's inclined to hate you.

[315] Who the fuck is this guy filming for Todd?

[316] Okay, let's go.

[317] You appear and I'm like, oh, no, Todd isn't here.

[318] Who's this guy?

[319] Who's this beautiful Jewish Muppet?

[320] And then you were amazing.

[321] And I was like, oh, wow, okay.

[322] I like this person too And then I started coming to your shows And learning more about you And then I was just fully in Should I tell him the really embarrassing thing?

[323] I don't know any of this, Monica And we've hung out with Laura together And you are, you've never I guess I'm hanging out that much But you've always, this is always This is, I mean like The fact that the first time you're sharing this Is on the most public forum Yeah For some reason this is where I'm the most comfortable doing it.

[324] It makes no sense.

[325] Well, just to interject and make it about me, I've met Natalie Portman 20 times.

[326] I've never said a damn word to her that she was in my toolbox, you know, the poster of her and I was in love with her.

[327] But the four seconds into the interview, I let her have it.

[328] This is the place.

[329] And she's also the coolest person in the universe.

[330] So you're like, oh, you're gorgeous and you're cool and smart.

[331] It's incredible.

[332] I think she's got money, too.

[333] Anyways, okay.

[334] I think I've heard that.

[335] Yeah.

[336] So I used to go to shitty jobs.

[337] So, by the way, these shows are at 11 p .m. On the week.

[338] By the way, can I tell you why they're at 11 p .m?

[339] I came from New York, and there were no more slots for people.

[340] And the shows ended at 10 .30 on Sunday, right?

[341] Or something like that.

[342] And so it was Sean Clements, me. And I think it was one other person that were like, hey, we want to do a show.

[343] And they go, there are no slots.

[344] And I said, what if we invented a slot at 11?

[345] And they go, Sunday at 11 p .m. And I go, let's just try it.

[346] and if it does well.

[347] But the show was, that show was Donald Glover, who's, you know, the biggest music star in the world now.

[348] He might be the number one source of Monica's PQ's.

[349] Oh my God.

[350] This is a horrible episode.

[351] It's a very Monica -centric episode.

[352] And it's all about cues.

[353] I think.

[354] So many cues.

[355] I know, but I think there's some serendipity happening.

[356] Like, that he is, Donald Glovers.

[357] I know.

[358] Yeah.

[359] Well, it's probably because you saw him in shitty jobs be so funny.

[360] And then all of a sudden he creates, like, art, like actual art through music.

[361] And you're like, you can do.

[362] And he's obviously gorgeous, but it's like he can do.

[363] Atlanta, he's incredible.

[364] And then his music is incredible.

[365] Yeah.

[366] Yeah.

[367] But that group was very special.

[368] And they said, all right, try it once or twice.

[369] And then like after two or three shows, we sold out all our shows.

[370] And so then we just invented that slap for L .A. Yeah.

[371] And it never didn't sell out ever again.

[372] And you had to like be on top of getting the tickets, which of course I was.

[373] And so, but, okay, this is really embarrassing.

[374] So I would try to sit in a seat.

[375] Oh, I love you so much.

[376] I'm so happy you're telling us.

[377] It's fine.

[378] Okay, I would try to sit in a seat that was like an aisle seat where I knew that you guys would sit when you were listening to the job interview.

[379] And so I could just get like as close.

[380] proximity wise as possible.

[381] I love it.

[382] I can't believe I just said.

[383] Isn't that beautiful?

[384] She just shared that with you?

[385] I love that.

[386] And by the way, I did maybe that show for nine years before I stopped doing it.

[387] I never would have thought that.

[388] But of course, because I would see similar people in the aisles and would say hi to people if they came to the shows.

[389] Did I ever say hello to you because you were in the aisle or no?

[390] You should.

[391] I'm like, hey, you're always sitting here.

[392] How weird?

[393] So that means you would have to get there early enough to get the exact seat you wanted.

[394] Of course.

[395] She's very type A. You're the best.

[396] Straight A student.

[397] I get what I want.

[398] She's very type Q. That's very sweet.

[399] I'm happy you said that.

[400] It's very, very sweet.

[401] So what do we think?

[402] Do we think it's probably best you didn't know that stuff?

[403] Like, do you think you'd be an asshole if you knew that?

[404] Or do you think?

[405] It would make me uncomfortable if I, if I knew that it would make me, because when I see people in the crowd, I don't think that at all.

[406] Uh -huh.

[407] Yeah.

[408] I don't know how I would react.

[409] Maybe you'd start trying to strut.

[410] I would want to be nice to those people.

[411] let's say it was a fan that I didn't know and maybe they're a little bit I wouldn't want to lead them on in any way but I want to be so nice to them because I can't believe that they would go out of like Monica waited extra time so she could get that seat and I was like man that's what I mean in terms of comedy that's what I would do to like watch a show I would wait hours for like a cool show so I like want to like always connect with those people but without like not you in particular Monica but without giving someone like the feeling like oh babe like oh this this yes end is for you.

[412] But I did, there'll be people that come to every show that I'll have a little back and forth with if I see them, if I see them in the audience, I'll give them a wave and they'll wave back.

[413] Like, because you see the same people come back and forth.

[414] You start realizing that they have a real connection to the show and it means a lot to them beyond just being.

[415] And so you want to like acknowledge that.

[416] Well, I would argue, and this is not in a negative way, but I would say in some ways UCB was as and is as as much of a movement as it is a. comedy scene.

[417] Like, I think when you're into UCB, it's like being into a band.

[418] I think it's more than just the comedy.

[419] Do you know what I think also on top of that, I think for me, coming up and watching people, the people I'm invested in before anybody else in the world knows who they are.

[420] Like I'm like, oh man, this guy, this woman is so funny.

[421] And like, I'm starting to watch her shows all the time.

[422] Like, oh, my God, she's crushing it out.

[423] I'm so invested when that person gets their television show.

[424] I'm watching that show.

[425] I'm making, because I feel like I was there when nobody was there.

[426] It has a punk rock vibe to it, more than Groundlings.

[427] Like, Grandleys was more like Second City.

[428] Like, you could come from out of town.

[429] You didn't have to know shit about comedy.

[430] You're going to see Melissa McCarthy do an amazing big character and you're going to love it.

[431] But I would say UCB is more like punk rock.

[432] And to that point, punk rock wasn't as much about the music per se as it was about that community and scene of people that you felt similar to.

[433] It's very interesting.

[434] I definitely felt the community.

[435] And then because the idea of the community there pushed me to try to do more stuff and try to write and like, like, I wanted to try to do everything.

[436] And you have people that are supporting you and like at a team called Hot Sauce, which is me, Adam Pally, Gil -O -Zeri.

[437] And the three of us, that was some of the best.

[438] That was those times I was talking about.

[439] Like, I don't know why this comes to mind, but there's something called Cage Match at UCB, which is one improv team goes up, then another improv team goes up.

[440] Then the audience decides who they like better and the person comes back.

[441] And so nobody cared about me, Adam Pally, and Gil -Ozary, who if you don't know who it is, is the funniest person in the world.

[442] To me, the actual funniest person in the world.

[443] He's your mean.

[444] Gene.

[445] He is by me and Gene.

[446] But there's another thing that I talked about with someone that's like, one of my favorite things in the universe is laughing so hard.

[447] I'm crying with someone.

[448] I love that so much.

[449] And nobody in the universe can make me do that more than Gil.

[450] Like, we'll be on the phone and he just has my number.

[451] But we'll do shows.

[452] And we won our first cage match.

[453] And in my head, I could still feel that moment of like when the clock went off and it went black.

[454] And then we looked at each other like, we did a good show and like there's a chance that we're going to win.

[455] But those moments stick out to me so much still.

[456] I love those moments.

[457] And those are the ones like that and also like when you hit a milestone, like a Carnegie Hall thing was big because my parents were there and stuff like that.

[458] But those early ones, man, I loved that stuff.

[459] Can I propose a theory on why?

[460] I would love to.

[461] Because I think of my own experience in that way.

[462] Like it was all about process then.

[463] Like it was actually about me being on the stage of the groundlings and a sketch going well.

[464] And it was so, so fun.

[465] And I never was like, oh, the sketch goes well on Sunday.

[466] I'm going to have a TV show on Tuesday.

[467] That's not how my mind worked.

[468] It wasn't even a an option.

[469] No, it was the means and the end all in one.

[470] But once you enter into it professionally, you would be naive and a bad steward of your opportunities if you didn't consider what leads to what and where do I want to end up.

[471] And then just adopting that kind of robs you a little bit of process.

[472] I think that makes a lot of sense.

[473] There's a sociology experiment.

[474] I was a psych anthro major in college.

[475] Which I read that today and I was like, how the fuck have we not talked about that you are an anthro major?

[476] Well, also.

[477] think about your podcast and how much psych plays a part of mental health and psych is such a big part of your podcast.

[478] But yeah, Anthropto me, studying other cultures was that picked the professors that I liked at college and I just kept taking them over and over again.

[479] And those were the two things.

[480] But there's a sociology experiment.

[481] I know it's not anthropology, sociology that was this kid went to a sandbox.

[482] Do you know this?

[483] It's like a famousy one.

[484] A kid went to a sandbox and we'll go every day.

[485] I'm assuming this is real.

[486] It was a story it was told us in class.

[487] We'd go every single day.

[488] Loved it.

[489] Love the sandbox.

[490] A gentleman went up to him and said, you know, what, I see how much fun you're having here.

[491] I'll pay you a dollar tomorrow if you come and do exactly what you're doing here.

[492] And the kid's like, can I do any, do exactly what you do him.

[493] I just have so much fun that you're enjoying yourself.

[494] Gives him a dollar.

[495] Every day for the next week or two, he gives him a dollar.

[496] I may be changing the timeline a little bit.

[497] And then it's like a Friday and or whatever it is.

[498] And the kid goes to the sandbox and looks at the guy and puts out his hand for the dollar.

[499] And the guy goes, I have no more money so I can't pay you anymore.

[500] And the kid goes, all right, then I'm not going to be in the sandbox.

[501] And he stopped doing the sandbox.

[502] And I love that thing.

[503] And I think, I think there's an aspect of that where it's like, you're right, the second money comes in, it changes the atmosphere of stuff.

[504] And then you have to be mentally strong enough to remember, this is something I enjoy and love.

[505] And I think that comes with like when either of us does an indie movie, there's no money in it, but we love the idea of making movies.

[506] Or like, if you direct a movie and you know that you're going to have to work every fucking, oh, sorry, every minute, I can curse on that.

[507] Sorry, I'm doing press for a Disney movie, so it's hard.

[508] I get a lot of cursing anything else.

[509] But it's like, you know, you're going to, every minute of your life is going to be taking for next year.

[510] You know what I mean?

[511] But you love it.

[512] And you're not going to make a lot of money when, at least for the stuff that I'm like for directing stuff.

[513] I know that all my money is going back into the movie.

[514] So it's like you have to love it so much.

[515] Yeah.

[516] I think I made whatever the minimum on hit and run is you could legally make.

[517] And I didn't even pay myself in one of the departments and got in trouble with the guild.

[518] Yeah.

[519] Exactly.

[520] Literally.

[521] Exactly.

[522] But I think there is something like that where the second, you have to think about it as a business and not just we love doing this so much.

[523] Oh, my.

[524] God, we made people laugh.

[525] Why don't we write another one?

[526] Oh, my God.

[527] Now let's try to make a sketchout.

[528] Oh, my God, that worked.

[529] Now let's try to do an hour long, you know what I mean, like that stuff.

[530] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[531] We've all been there.

[532] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[533] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing.

[534] But for an unlucky few, these unsuspectable protecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[535] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[536] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[537] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[538] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[539] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[540] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon music.

[541] What's up, guys?

[542] This is your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[543] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[544] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[545] And I don't mean just friends.

[546] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[547] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[548] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[549] Well, there's a handful of people that I really admire in this business.

[550] Nick Kroll comes to mind.

[551] Danny McBride comes to mind.

[552] A few people that have, like, had clearly options to get paid and then kept pursuing the option of working with who I like and keeping it this little microcosm I love.

[553] And I just so admire those guys because I picked money a bunch of times and fucked up because of it.

[554] I wonder what your relationship with money is, because I know you didn't grow up with a boatload of money.

[555] No, my parents grew up in the Southern Bronx.

[556] So, like, my production company is called Grand Avenue Films.

[557] My dad grew up on 176 in Grand Ave in the Bronx.

[558] And then my mom grew up right near there.

[559] We grew up middle class.

[560] So we grew up in Riverdale.

[561] And it's me and my sister who is the biggest fan of this podcast in the universe.

[562] Marnie, her name is Marnie ruling now.

[563] And she is, like, when I told her I was doing this, she's like, oh, my God.

[564] She was so, she is a therapist.

[565] She deals with mental health.

[566] She deals with all these huge and wonderful issues and it helps people and is a good person and has kids and takes care of it all.

[567] Really quick.

[568] Marnie, if you have half the dance moves that many has, I would love to join you on a dance floor.

[569] And that's a sincere invite.

[570] That's wonderful.

[571] Does she have half the dance moves you do?

[572] She doesn't dance as much.

[573] Okay.

[574] That's really sweet.

[575] Thank you, Marnie.

[576] Talk about pathologies.

[577] The door is also open to that.

[578] I've taken us off a tangent.

[579] I don't know what I was talking.

[580] Oh, and so middle class, it was me, my sister, my dad, my mom.

[581] But because they didn't, you know, they had no money growing up.

[582] So there's aspects of how we were brought up, like, you know, learning exactly how to make the ketchup last by putting water in there, putting it on pasta sometimes, like all these little things.

[583] But we did well, especially considering, you know, like my parents shared rooms with all, their siblings and all that stuff.

[584] But even by the way, if you did well.

[585] Or you grew up well, they have inherited that.

[586] Like, I just remember my grandparents who had lived through the Depression.

[587] Their relationship with all these things certainly infected my parents.

[588] And then that kind of infected me. Oh, it's work ethic, I think.

[589] My parents have worked their butts off.

[590] So I worked, we had to illegally figure out how to do something with my working papers to make it legal for me to work underage.

[591] And we somehow did.

[592] So I was working underage.

[593] One of my first jobs was as I wasn't old enough to be a counselor.

[594] So they had to make me as the janitor so I'd go to this camp and I'd clean up all the broken 40 ounce bottles off the places where the kids would drink I put them in a bag and then for the second half of the day I would get to be a counselor and like that.

[595] So like slowly that and then I worked just break down that policy for half a second.

[596] I feel like if you're going to if you're going to let a minor do anything chatting with people would be preferred to like as opposed to picking up the dangerous things that can hurt your kid and maybe maintaining the plumbing system and stuff like that's a that's a big ask.

[597] But that's always it's been always.

[598] It's been always.

[599] I always, my MO is because I always, even in comedy, you see people who are going to be funnier than you.

[600] But if I worked harder than other people, maybe I'd have a little bit more opportunity.

[601] So, like always, especially with work for me, like, at the beginning, I was freelancing Joseph for Letterman at 6am, then go be a page, then like go be an intern at UCB so I can get free classes and then like perform and do all this stuff.

[602] And I just would never stop because I wanted to do this so badly.

[603] Yeah.

[604] And I knew if I didn't in the first couple of years that I wouldn't be able to.

[605] so I just went all and I kind of stayed that work ethic in the whole family has stayed with us forever.

[606] But what is your fear level about money?

[607] Is it something you obsess about?

[608] I still find myself not spending.

[609] I don't spend a lot of money because I never did growing up.

[610] It's very rare for me to like get expensive things.

[611] And I think there's a fear of I never know when this is going to end.

[612] It's going well right now.

[613] But who knows?

[614] And I have friends that we're, you know, like we're doing really well and now I haven't worked for a little bit.

[615] So it's like the fear of failure, I think drives me quite a bit.

[616] But at the beginning, it was like, I got to make this much or I won't be able to live to do this.

[617] You know what I mean?

[618] But the thing that I had that other people didn't have is that I did have my pay.

[619] Like, if things went terrible, I have a source.

[620] I have a net just in case.

[621] Well, and Nick was very honest about the fact that he went to school in a limousine.

[622] What?

[623] What does that mean?

[624] In elementary school.

[625] Yeah, well, his dad owns this incredibly, like, world famous private investigation firm that.

[626] Oh, right.

[627] Of course.

[628] Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

[629] Yeah.

[630] What I love is he's not like hiding that.

[631] He's like, he would get dropped up in a limousine at school.

[632] He'd be super embarrassed.

[633] That is, that is a thing that I had that a lot of people I was doing improv, what didn't have is that if what shit hit the fan and I had no money, I could find a way to go back to my parents who had moved from the Bronx now to Westchester, which is around where Nick grew up.

[634] And it's like, I knew that there's friends that I had that if they didn't hit that, then it's like, they can't do anything.

[635] And I knew that if there's a piece of me that's like, if I totally messed up, even though I would never want to, I could be taken care of and not totally be on the street.

[636] Yeah.

[637] Monica, you had that a little bit too.

[638] Yeah, I definitely did.

[639] It's a luxury.

[640] It really is.

[641] Because, I mean, it's a part of the narrative that you don't want to say because it feels like, oh, it undermines my hard work.

[642] But it doesn't.

[643] And it's true.

[644] Like, you can take bigger risks knowing, oh, like, if worse comes to worse, I'll probably get a boost from my parents.

[645] where I could always go home.

[646] Or I could, that's what it is.

[647] I could always go back to where I lived.

[648] You know what I mean?

[649] Yes.

[650] So for me, my parents helped me out for the first year after college, year and a half after college, and then never again did they ever help me out.

[651] So after a year and a half, that was it.

[652] I was able to make enough to just barely get by and go through.

[653] And what's the exact amount of money you have in the bank now?

[654] Right now?

[655] God.

[656] A zillions of billions of dollars.

[657] I don't know.

[658] Have you heard of Sonic the Hedgehog?

[659] I have.

[660] Maybe you've heard of.

[661] Wait, they're making a sequel.

[662] Yeah.

[663] They're making a squeakwell of Sonic.

[664] Is it shipwrecked?

[665] It's going to be chipwrecked.

[666] Nine times out of ten, we're going to be chip wrecked.

[667] No. And I did not make big boy money on Sonic.

[668] That was like, listen, do you want to be Sonic?

[669] And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you want.

[670] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[671] And then did not play my cards correctly on that one at all.

[672] Because you wanted this so bad and you put in so much effort and now you have it.

[673] How do you feel?

[674] you feel content?

[675] Do you feel excited?

[676] It's a great question to make sure that I'm able to separate my self -worth, not just from the work I do, but the other thing.

[677] Like, because also you'll do a job and it'll be like you're on cloud nine and then you'll have a month off and you're writing by yourself and it feels so lonely.

[678] So that's a thing that as I've gotten older, that in learning to take breaks, I would never stop working and I would get sick all the time.

[679] And now that I've learned to take breaks and stuff like that.

[680] So I've learned, as I've gotten a little bit better at this, learned how to whatever.

[681] But in terms of like, there are moments when I'm like, oh my God, playing Carnegie Hall, my parents in the audience was an oh my God moment.

[682] That's like an insane.

[683] Oh my God.

[684] I'm sure when you guys played Detroit for you, Dax, that must have been like, this is insane.

[685] It was insane because I had gone there as a kid.

[686] And yeah, I never even fantasized that'd be on the stage.

[687] And for me, part of show I could do because everyone I knew from my childhood was there and I've adopted this persona that allows me to be confident on stage and I was nervous they could see right through it.

[688] You know, it's so funny also that I realize that whenever you play a hometown show, the thing that now I think about like when like a big artist comes back to L .A. whatever is that's the time when 1 ,000 people ask you for comps in between, like before you're on stage, you're texting to make sure you're all your friend.

[689] Like you're just trying to figure out like all those little things because like you will tour.

[690] Like when we did Detroit, I didn't know anybody in Detroit.

[691] So it's like, we're just like doing nothing backstage, Thomas and I. And then like there, you're on like, oh no, you know, we did.

[692] I forget what they.

[693] Masonic temple.

[694] That's exactly what it is.

[695] So we had, we don't need any tech because we just make shit up.

[696] So we do a tech for five minutes.

[697] So literally I asked the gentleman who runs the place to go, can you just give me a tour?

[698] He's like, my man, there's like 600 rooms.

[699] I go, show me like a hundred of them.

[700] And so he's like, just by myself.

[701] I just went around and looked at like, so I'll do like stuff like that.

[702] I want to say, and I even think I said this.

[703] you the last time we talked about it and then I never looked it up.

[704] But I want to say that that's where Houdini died.

[705] In the Masonic Temple?

[706] Really?

[707] So Houdini died because he used to do this trick where he'd let anyone from the audience punch him in the stomach.

[708] And I think he did that trick in Toronto the night before.

[709] And then he was playing in Detroit and he had ruptured some organ and then he died there.

[710] Do you know that he's Jewish by the way?

[711] Oh, then I don't want to talk.

[712] I don't like him anymore.

[713] Of course.

[714] I'm sorry.

[715] I didn't warn you before him.

[716] But that's a good question, Monica.

[717] I, I, uh, I'm happy.

[718] But you're right.

[719] A perfect example is I was a page for Letterman for two years and I was freelancing jokes for Letterman.

[720] And my goal, I had three goals when I started.

[721] One was to be a guest on Letterman before he stopped.

[722] And for some crazy reason, I got booked on Letterman two weeks before he was done.

[723] And in my head, this was, I've been waiting 10 years.

[724] I was one of the first people ever to go from a page who told people where to go to the bathroom to in the seat being interviewed because of the stuff that I had done.

[725] And so my dad came to the green room.

[726] It was just me. my dad and I was so excited and I was like this is it and I was I felt like it was just okay and I was so bummed because I was it was something that was in my head for a decade I really want to do this I got to do this and I did it I've said this on here before I never had any aspirations of show business but I always was preparing to be interviewed by letterman I thought about it all through junior high every morning when I combed my hair I was talking to letterman I thought about him all day every day did you do a show I did and was it amazing It was incredible.

[727] And I was looking at him and I was having kind of an auto body experience and I could feel that I was just staring at him smiling.

[728] And I actually, like for the first time ever, I didn't even care if I did well to the audience.

[729] I was just like soaking up this thing.

[730] And I was like, but this is so stupid.

[731] And it's everything I built up over 10 years of wanting.

[732] No expectation could have been mad.

[733] And by the way, he doesn't know who I am.

[734] I know who he is.

[735] I saw him every day for my whole life.

[736] And then it's like, I get there.

[737] And in my head, I was like, yeah, we'll talk about.

[738] about how I worked here and I wrote jokes for you and I got 25 jokes on the air and like all these fun things and I'm sure he's just doing his job and he was two weeks away and he was lovely and there are moments like people who saw it liked it but I thought it was going to be it was so silly of me to think of course it wasn't going to be like that I thought it was going to be like explosions and I'm going to play this YouTube clip to myself once a week for the rest of my goddamn life when you wake up in the morning just now as we were talking about I did think of one thing that probably set me up to have that experience which is I had no business being on that show.

[739] Same.

[740] I hadn't been in movies yet.

[741] What were you on for?

[742] What happened was I was on punked, but he had never seen that.

[743] I did like two guest appearances on Bonnie Hunt's show within probably five weeks of themselves.

[744] And one, I played a director and the next time I played a surgeon.

[745] You played two different characters?

[746] Yes, yes, just like three episodes later.

[747] Different names, different occupations.

[748] And he asked to have that guy on.

[749] So I didn't feel like I belong there at all.

[750] Now, had he had me on to promote without a paddle, I probably would have been like, my time to shot.

[751] Like, I would have had a shittier approach to it.

[752] I was just like, oh my God, he watched two episodes of the Bonnie Hunt show and he wants me to come here.

[753] Well, also think about this.

[754] He pointed to you and said, I want that guy.

[755] So he immediately, before you came out, he's like, I like this guy.

[756] He doesn't know who I am.

[757] And by the way, he was great and kind and polite.

[758] I just expected too much.

[759] But he literally was like, this dude, can you book this guy?

[760] This guy?

[761] The guy who played the surgeon last week and is the fucking archaeology.

[762] Yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy.

[763] Like that, so he, you already knew going into it that he likes you and finds you funny.

[764] So you get to just fucking ride it.

[765] And I don't even know it was me as much as he just loved the idea that they didn't give a fuck that I was playing two different people.

[766] Like, I think he loved what was behind.

[767] The ridiculousness of it.

[768] I love that.

[769] That's all he wanted to talk about.

[770] He's like, so you're just on one week.

[771] And then I turn on in like three weeks later, you're a surgeon.

[772] I go, I know.

[773] Who cares, right?

[774] I guess she's proving who cares?

[775] That's an incredible.

[776] I mean, that's a perfect.

[777] Was that your first ever talk show?

[778] I was there before.

[779] Oh, this is great.

[780] I hate to use your interview to say this.

[781] No, I love listening.

[782] Okay, so punk had gotten big.

[783] My publicist calls, oh, my God, you're going to do Letterman.

[784] I'm like, oh, my God, here we go.

[785] Day of, I go, who else is on the show?

[786] And he goes, oh, man, Jimmy Fallon, Christana Locerman, or whoever that woman that was in the Terminator reboot.

[787] She was big at that time.

[788] And you, and I go, oh, wow.

[789] And I go, wait, that's too many guests.

[790] He only has two guests.

[791] And my publicist goes, oh, yeah, that is weird.

[792] Let me find out what's going on.

[793] Close me back.

[794] No, Jimmy Fallon's hosting.

[795] Oh.

[796] Now, we all could say now, like, what an honor.

[797] And we love him.

[798] We love Jimmy Fallon.

[799] But at that time, he was just a colleague of mine from the groundlings.

[800] You know, like, I thought I was going to do Letterman.

[801] I had the suit.

[802] It was day of.

[803] And I'm like, oh, you're not, you're going to be on this stage, which is cool.

[804] but then I came back shortly thereafter and got to sit with him.

[805] You went to Ed Sullivan Theater twice then.

[806] Yes.

[807] Yes.

[808] Yes.

[809] That's insane.

[810] How do you not remember that when you're telling that story?

[811] That's insane.

[812] That's a big part.

[813] That's huge.

[814] That I had gone before.

[815] Yeah.

[816] Yeah.

[817] I guess I just was I wanted to tell you how much I was just staring at Dave and was like so fucking in love.

[818] My guest, my guest before me was Rachel Maddow, who he loves and who is of course a hero.

[819] But she went very long and there were no jokes.

[820] So I remember before I got on there, I go, because I'm a huge Larry Sanders fan.

[821] And like a bit with Sanders is that he'd always bump Bruno Kirby on Sanders.

[822] And because he had to say, and I'm literally like, this is what's happening to me right before.

[823] And maybe this shows how I'm anxious sometimes.

[824] But I go, this is it.

[825] I did it.

[826] He only has two weeks left.

[827] If I didn't have done it today, I never would have done it.

[828] Because next week is all the superstars, not the little weirdos like me. And then I'm watching Rachel Maddow.

[829] And they give her another little segment.

[830] I'm like, oh, my God.

[831] I'm going to get bumped.

[832] And I'm talking my dad.

[833] I don't think I'm going to go on.

[834] Or if I go on, it's going to be for three minutes.

[835] So I was like, oh, no, what's going to happen?

[836] And I was like, oh, no. And there's no laughter before either.

[837] And I was like, because they're talking like politics.

[838] And I was like, oh, no. And then someone comes in.

[839] And it was like, it was like, please don't, please don't tell me. And they're like, yeah, you go down.

[840] I even ask the person, I go, is there enough time?

[841] And you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's enough time.

[842] You're going to be fine.

[843] And so I remember being a quick interview because of it.

[844] Okay, so I shared that exactly because the guest before me was Tom fucking Cruz.

[845] And he told some story, or he's trying to tell a story about being in an airplane and his buddy passing out, but he can't get through it because he's laughing so hard at his own story.

[846] It just went on and I was the same thing.

[847] I'm back there watching going, he is not wrapping this story up.

[848] I am fucked.

[849] Like they're in their second segment and it's going forever.

[850] Oh, my God, what we go through.

[851] So scary and anxiety stuff and stuff now that we're older would not be a thing we think about anymore.

[852] Like, oh, we'll get bumped.

[853] All right, we'll figure it out.

[854] Right, right, right.

[855] I'll still be a good person, the people who love me, will still love me. It'll be okay.

[856] I think we'll be all right.

[857] Okay, so you, I would say, became very popularized by Parks and Rec.

[858] Everyone loves your character that you play on there.

[859] Sean Ralphio.

[860] But I came to know you because you and Kristen were on House of Lies together, and then I got to be around you.

[861] And I'd say, I'd argue we had a lot of fun throughout those four years.

[862] Sometimes you guys would be shooting in Vegas and we go to Vegas.

[863] But also, there would be like rap parties and you would show up and I'm not a big party guy.

[864] So I remember at rat parties, Dax would be kind of like hanging out by himself and I just like talk to you about normal life stuff like because I'm not.

[865] I'm allergic to rap parties.

[866] Yeah.

[867] They give me so much anxiety.

[868] Yeah, it's a lot.

[869] There are a lot.

[870] I love crews and stuff like that and I love talking about.

[871] But then also it's like so many people.

[872] Everybody's yelling that like when I see someone quietly in the corner, I'll just have a conversation with them.

[873] And Dax was a great release for that for like two of those.

[874] Well, I'll add the layer, which is like on set, everything's groovy.

[875] Everyone's acting normal.

[876] Like I have all these great relationships with people that I work with every day.

[877] And then you get to the rap party and there's this like air of like, well, we may never come back.

[878] You never know at the rap party if you're coming back for another season.

[879] So there seems to be this motivation to sum up your whole experience together in every conversation you have.

[880] And I have like goodbye anxiety.

[881] So to me it's just like, okay, let's summarize this whole experience in the next four minutes.

[882] It's also, I want to make sure that I say thank you to everybody and then I get anxious and I miss somebody or you know what I mean and stuff like that.

[883] But it's always a lovely feeling when someone's like eating tiny tacos in the corner and I'm like, that's my dude for the next hour.

[884] Oh, that's me, baby.

[885] I always find that food, even if I'm not hungry.

[886] Heaven, heaven, heaven to me. And then Kristen introduced me to Laura Moses, who I wrote a book with and then we sold a TV show with who edits this podcast, who is one of, I think, just an incredible writer and now is just kicking butt all over the place.

[887] But it's like, it's been awesome to just watch her thrive.

[888] She was always talented, always talented.

[889] And then we did this book together, got published.

[890] And then she immediately, we did a TV.

[891] We wrote this pilot together.

[892] And then she's, you know, writing television and she's crushing it.

[893] And she, you know, she's like been prepared for this her whole life because she works so hard anyway.

[894] And then she's doing her own shows.

[895] And she's just such a talent and so great.

[896] And I'm really proud of that book.

[897] And it was really fun.

[898] And it was shit you should know about already know about dating.

[899] What was it?

[900] It's things you should already know about dating, you fucking idiot.

[901] And it's like a hundred.

[902] There we go.

[903] I knew there was a curse word in there.

[904] And we didn't have enough money to hire someone to do illustrations.

[905] So Laura did all the illustrations in the book.

[906] And they're great.

[907] They're awesome.

[908] And she's just, I'm happy to talk about how incredible she is and that everybody should hire her because she's just.

[909] We have a segment on this show called What Do You Love About Laura?

[910] A few people have participated in Natalie, Justin Timberlake.

[911] Oh, I listened to that Timberlake episode.

[912] And I met Justin through Laura as well, the nicest guy in the world.

[913] and you love to hear him talk and find out how smart he is because sometimes you're just watching him dance or act and sing and then he's like oh this dude is like brilliant and stuff like that but I love that like one of the biggest pop stars in the world or music stars, not pop and everything now is like oh yeah and Laura Moses I know I was like oh there was a great beat once where I do the show for charity called Snow Pants which Monica has probably been to all of them okay so amazing so I've raised like a whole bunch of money for mental health in New York And so I would ask bigger and bigger and bigger people to do it.

[914] And one of the, my favorite parts is when I introduced like, and ladies and gentlemen, blanked and like Blake Griffin comes out.

[915] And the crowd is like, what the fuck?

[916] And they don't know who's going to come out.

[917] Because when I was an intern at Askat trying to get free classes, when the monologist would come out when Amy was doing Ascat, it would be like, ladies and gentlemen, Alec Baldwin.

[918] And UCB crowd would like explode.

[919] And I would as an intern watch the crowd whenever the person came out.

[920] Like Robin Williams came out once.

[921] and people it just exploded their mind so I love to give that so one time I asked Justin if he would do snow pants and he was like yeah I'm down I was like this is incredible you're so kind what about like in two weeks he's like yeah I know I'm in Australia I was like all right you're the biggest pop star scheduling this is going to be challenging yeah yeah you're literally touring the world with your music to millions of people of course that date's not going to work but he was I get to do that at every live show when I bring out Monica people People fucking, they ship themselves.

[922] It's the funnest thing of the, I mean, that makes flying to different cities worth it for me. The best.

[923] Oh, that must feel, Monica, that must feel so, especially for someone who's watched and performed comedy for something, you must, that must be the best.

[924] It is.

[925] It's a crazy, I have to sort of disassociate a little bit during that, or I think I'd, like, probably pass out or have a seizure.

[926] so there's a little bit of like some distance but it is it is so special and speaking of monologists so right before the pandemic they asked me to do it and I was like this is the most insane full circle moment I mean for me that's the best you know it's such a high and then everything shut down if Monica I'll say this I haven't done Askat in a long time if you're the monologist You can email me and I'll perform And whatever I ask that you're doing I will perform in it Oh I love that I would be such a thing I will too I will too Am I invited I will too Sure sure sure sure I'm there too We gotta get Gene Cordell Oh fucking jean by the mean gene Is gonna be so many Oh he's gonna light that fucking stage on fire There's gonna be nothing left And Monica's gonna just be burning to ashes While you're like why did I let this happen So many kids Her actual pants are gonna catch on fire From the PQ It's gonna be insane The quivers are going to be so much that there's going to be friction and that friction is going to lead to planes.

[927] The quivers are going to be seismic.

[928] Oh my God.

[929] It's going to be an earthquake.

[930] There's another thing that you brought up that I think that I'm not sure if I talked about Dax, but there's this funny thing that when you talk about disassociating, it's also remembering when we're on stage, like let's use Chicago theater for an example because I know you did it and we did it like almost next to each other because we saw each other's name.

[931] So there's a moment that I think, hopefully you guys can relate to.

[932] I'm almost certain you will because we have similar brains in ways.

[933] But it's like you're on stage.

[934] a show goes well.

[935] You get a standing ovation from 3 ,600 people.

[936] And then you go off, you're leaving the venue.

[937] You see all these people really excited.

[938] You go one block and nobody gives a fuck anymore.

[939] And this is the part that people don't know.

[940] Cut to literally after I say that's our show from that standing ovation, if you cut 35 minutes, it's me in my hotel by myself on Twitter and by myself or texting a family member about nonsense or looking at scores.

[941] on ESPN and that's literally and it's like it's so funny because in my head I'd be like oh these guys are going to get hammered they're going to go I was like no you have to like there's a part of me that first two times that it happens it's such a weird high than a low that like oh yeah you have to like be like all right this is I just remind myself this is real life this is real that for a moment in that one block people really cared about what we were doing and now nobody cares I can go downstairs and nobody gives that fuck about what's happening you know what I mean well I've been so grateful we've had that experience the last few years because we've interviewed a bunch of really, really famous singers.

[942] And it sounds so cocky when I compare what we do to what they do.

[943] But having had that experience, yes, where it's like the energy of 3 ,600 people digging your shit, cut to you in the fucking hotel room going, oh, is room serve it?

[944] No, I guess they're closed.

[945] Yes, and they're closed.

[946] They're closed.

[947] And you're always like, okay, well, this crashed fast, this airplane.

[948] It takes two.

[949] It takes two of them, and then I'm totally used to it.

[950] And you just remember that the special make -believe time is in that theater for that time.

[951] And real life is back, you know, like, but it's so funny how quickly it changes.

[952] Because we bring our own mic, so all I do is put our mics in a backpack, and then we leave.

[953] And outside of that block of people leaving the theater, then nobody cares anymore.

[954] It doesn't even matter.

[955] Even when people drop you off, like, we'll take an Uber to a thing.

[956] They'd be like, where do you want to go?

[957] I was like, oh, that thing is like, oh, who are you going to see?

[958] I was like, oh, we're actually performing today.

[959] They're like, what are you talking about?

[960] I was like, oh, yeah, sorry.

[961] Sorry, you can't, can you drop us off to the side?

[962] And they're like, no, no, this is where we drop people.

[963] I was like, I'm sorry, man. But just like to the side.

[964] Like, it's so funny.

[965] Yeah, yeah.

[966] It's got to be one of the most dramatic shifts in reality.

[967] There has to be narcissists who keep that feeling with them throughout that night and the next day and feeling like, but I could never do that, never.

[968] Well, I think that's where drugs come in.

[969] You know, drugs, you get back to the room and you feel lonely and then you can, elevate your emotional state to what you just had on stage if you want to prolong it.

[970] That's right.

[971] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[972] Okay, let's talk about your movie because you've given us a ton of your time already and it's been really fun.

[973] You know what's so funny anytime I listen to your podcast and I hear this part, it always makes me feel like you're just trying to get rid of the person.

[974] Anytime you go you go and it's literally like you'll be talking to a huge star and you'll be like, listen, I know you got to get out of here.

[975] because and I was like you're so it's such a sweet way to try to wrap things up it makes me no no no I'm actually it's not that I promise it's not that it's I have an obligation to you folks who are nice enough to come on the show to sell the thing that you've just worked your ass off this is the part we like the least yeah I'm not trying to wrap it up I just want I want to make sure that we talk about flora and ulysses I don't want to get rid of you at all one of my friends when he gets off the phone he goes okay I'm gonna I'm gonna let you go all right And I was like, what?

[976] Do you have to go?

[977] I'm fucking doing nothing.

[978] is so good and she was in the ferryman the stage played the ferryman on broadway before this and she like knew her lines better than everybody and there were scenes where she has to cry and better than i could have ever done they're like okay she should take six times and every time cry real tears and i'd be like how are you doing this and she's like i just think of something sad and i'm like that's it you're right that's how it works that's great it can be demoralizing to work with a team oh my god she was incredible but it's great it's like a big fun family movie and a lot of my friends who have kids are like, you know, we need something fun and new that's not a reboot or whatever.

[979] So it's really fun.

[980] It's about this little girl who finds a superhero type squirrel and her parents are kind of separated and my character I play her father is down and is luck and he's kind of depressed.

[981] And through her belief in the squirrel, I find my belief and all these fun things.

[982] It's all the Disney tropes that me is someone who loves Disney movies.

[983] I love Disney movies.

[984] Does it come out on Disney Plus?

[985] Comes at Disney Plus on February 19th, I think.

[986] And it's February 19, we will fact check that.

[987] And in the intro, I'll make sure I say the exact day.

[988] I can't wait to hear the fact check when you guys are the fact check afterwards is like Monica's like, all right, it was like not the aisle.

[989] It was like two seats next to the aisle.

[990] I can't wait.

[991] Just to clarify, I haven't seen every show.

[992] You think you're going to walk it back or walk it forward?

[993] I think in his absence, we might walk it forward.

[994] You're right.

[995] That's the trend.

[996] That seems to be the trend.

[997] There's a show I'm doing now that I think you guys will love also.

[998] It's called the after party.

[999] It's Lord and Miller, who are heroes of mine.

[1000] Oh, they are so frustratingly talented.

[1001] And they're the kindest people in the world.

[1002] Everybody funny that you guys like is on it.

[1003] It's the Ike Baranholtz.

[1004] Oh, is he great?

[1005] It's Sam Richardson.

[1006] It's Tiffany Haddish.

[1007] It's Alana Glazer.

[1008] Jamie Demetriou, who, if you've ever seen a show called Stath, Let's Flats, it's a show from the UK that you guys would love.

[1009] It's on HBO Max now.

[1010] He's a genius.

[1011] Say it again, the title I want to watch it.

[1012] It's very weird.

[1013] The guy's name is Stath, S -T -A -T -H, and in England, to let a flat is to rent an apartment.

[1014] So it's Staph lets flats.

[1015] It's very, very funny.

[1016] He's in it, and he's amazing.

[1017] Zoe Chow's in it.

[1018] And John Early, who I think is one of the funniest people in the universe is in it.

[1019] So it's all the funniest people.

[1020] Chris Miller directed every episode, which never really happens.

[1021] And it's like a murder mystery.

[1022] He directed every episode.

[1023] Yeah, so he's been with us for, we're on day 60 or 59 is 67 right now, and he's directed every single episode.

[1024] And so the episode I'm in, that's, that's what, how many weeks?

[1025] You said everyone's funny, 66, 67.

[1026] Funny, funniest people in the world.

[1027] Yeah, obviously 6667 is.

[1028] We need someone to come in with, it's for, so for the past, Clean up hitter.

[1029] The past 60 days, we've been talking about this, the funniest joke that's ever happened.

[1030] And so on day 66 or 67, this person jumps out of a closet and says, you want to hear this joke?

[1031] And then the person says that we explode.

[1032] Monica peeked years and the show's over.

[1033] Oh my God.

[1034] and I'm that person.

[1035] You're that person.

[1036] Oh my gosh.

[1037] This is thrilling.

[1038] I got a hunch mean Gene's going to get.

[1039] I'm going to get recast.

[1040] I'm going to get, I'm going to imagine.

[1041] I'm going to pop out of that closet.

[1042] I'm going to say, who wants to hear a joke?

[1043] And they're going to go, no, no, you got to just throw it away more.

[1044] You don't even know it's a joke.

[1045] You're going to get fired after the table read.

[1046] That's right.

[1047] It's going to be tough.

[1048] But then Letterman's going to have you on.

[1049] He's going to come out of retirement to have me on.

[1050] Have you ever been fired after a table read?

[1051] No, but my first show, the first series of, regular I ever booked, which never went on the air, was Mitch Hurwitz's show after arrested.

[1052] It was Jim Burroughs directing, who's the legend of all multi -cambers.

[1053] And the best, the best batting average in the history of pilots.

[1054] He directs.

[1055] This guy, he directed the Cheers pilot.

[1056] Friends.

[1057] Yeah, everything he directs gets picked up.

[1058] Crazy.

[1059] Continue.

[1060] So Jim Valley and Mitch Hurwitz wrote the pilot and then it starred.

[1061] Richard Dreyfus is my dad.

[1062] Jason Biggs is my brother.

[1063] Mary Steenbergen is my mom.

[1064] You had to be yacht shopping.

[1065] You're like, oh, I'm going to be making a half a million dollars an episode.

[1066] Oh, by the way.

[1067] This is also the experience of the first time I ever or the only time I ever cried after getting a role because it was my first one.

[1068] I moved to L .A. and I got this TV show and I've never gotten a TV show before.

[1069] And you had to have loved a rest of development.

[1070] And in my head, I was like, I did it.

[1071] I'm going to be able to make enough money for a little bit now to not worry about this for a bit.

[1072] And I remember Allison Jones was maybe the best comedic cast and director of all time.

[1073] I asked her, I said, instead of my agents telling me, if I get it or don't get it, can you tell me because like I like we made a relationship to this thing and she's like I don't really do that but okay so she calls me and I'm driving my Honda Civic and she's like you got it and her and Ben Harris were on the phone who's your her assistant who's now a casting associate he's amazing and I uh I couldn't believe it I started to cry I go I got to call my parents and they they started to get emotional and I call my dad and it was a type of cry that I don't I haven't done in so long it was so guttural and I couldn't catch my breath and my dad and mom go pull over the car pull over the car I'm driving like the Honda on the side of road and so I pull over and just cry because it felt like I was trying so hard to get anything by the way the show didn't get picked up and that was it but in my head that's it I'm on a television show I did it now maybe after this I can do movies like who knows what can happen I did the step that I could never do and I guttarily cried and then while we're making the pilot I was like to Jason Biggs I was like this is going to go right?

[1074] He's like, I don't know.

[1075] I was like, what?

[1076] Yeah.

[1077] Not his first barbecue.

[1078] Yeah.

[1079] And I was like, there's a penalty against it.

[1080] If they don't get it, they have to pay someone money.

[1081] I've never heard that before.

[1082] I was like, so they're not going to lose money.

[1083] He's like, I don't know, cross your fingers.

[1084] And I was like, because I guess he's, he's been doing it for so long and I was my first one.

[1085] And when it didn't go, I was shocked.

[1086] I got fired a couple years ago from a table read.

[1087] It was, uh, what's the name of the show?

[1088] Will and Grace.

[1089] Will and Grace.

[1090] Will and Grace.

[1091] The reboot?

[1092] Yeah, yeah, the most, the one that was just on.

[1093] Yeah, I did a table read and then I like a few hours later I got a call.

[1094] They're going to recast you.

[1095] And it was a really great moment because that's totally fine.

[1096] But there was so many stages in my career or that would have been so destructive.

[1097] I would have been like, oh my God, I'm not funny.

[1098] But it was maybe the first time in my life and it's weird.

[1099] You would think getting like a great job and doing well would be the moment I would accept that.

[1100] But it was actually getting fire.

[1101] I was like, oh, I don't think I'm not funny.

[1102] So, there's some reason, but it's not because I'm not funny, and that's fine.

[1103] It's also probably because you've directed and produced on the other side to know that, like, sometimes you're just not right for the role.

[1104] Yeah, yeah.

[1105] I mean, they just offered it to me, and I went in there, and, you know, and then clearly I wasn't right for it.

[1106] So, yeah.

[1107] That happiness is and everything.

[1108] So that Hurwitz thing, Hurwitz called me and said, hey, there's some conversations about maybe them recasting, so let's you and I go over the script one more time.

[1109] And that's the end.

[1110] And we did.

[1111] And I got so nervous that.

[1112] I rehearsed it so much to myself that on the day of filming, my voice was a little bit more hoarse and they wouldn't have known.

[1113] But I was so nervous that I was going to blow it.

[1114] And I didn't.

[1115] And I got to do it.

[1116] And they really were proud and happy.

[1117] But he called me was like, let's you and I go over this dialogue one time.

[1118] Because this is my first ever thing.

[1119] So it was like, let's go over the dialogue one time.

[1120] And I'm very happy.

[1121] I still have moments of doubt.

[1122] I'll be like, you know what?

[1123] I think I have the ability to be funny.

[1124] But I'll be like, oh, that person doesn't think I'm funny.

[1125] That's a bummer.

[1126] Maybe I'm not that great.

[1127] I'll still have that.

[1128] You're able to.

[1129] stay centered in that.

[1130] I'll know that I can get on stage.

[1131] But like, if I have a bad show, sometimes I'd be like, oh, man, what's going on?

[1132] Well, I'm six years older than you.

[1133] And this only happened to me like three years ago.

[1134] So, you know, maybe you're dead on schedule to finally go.

[1135] And kids, kids.

[1136] Yeah.

[1137] Kids are huge.

[1138] Oh, yeah.

[1139] Kids are huge.

[1140] Kids are huge.

[1141] Kids will be great.

[1142] Once you start defining yourself as a dad, number one, like, every other thing kind of gets like downsized.

[1143] Kristen said that.

[1144] Kristen literally, when we were doing House of Lies, we were talking about stuff.

[1145] she had her first kid and then something happened on set and she's like it doesn't matter and i go what do you mean she's like none of this it's not none of this matter she she was one of the most prepared and she took care of all of us she was incredible she was one of the most inspiring people to work with because she'd work with us then she'd freaking do charity work and then she had two kids while filming so it's like it was been honest but she she had a moment where she's like hey man when kids come in the weight of the little stuff is just it does doesn't have the weight anymore because I get to go home to my kid.

[1146] It was one kid at the time.

[1147] And I'm sure you feel the same exact way.

[1148] Well, yeah, it's an identity thing that can't be taken away from you.

[1149] Whereas our job is something, if our identity is I'm a working actor or I'm a comedian or blah, blah, blah.

[1150] And you don't ever perform that thing, then you got a question whether you can really say that's your identity.

[1151] So it's always, it always feels like it's vulnerable to being taken away from you.

[1152] Do you remember the first time you called yourself an actor or writer?

[1153] For me, people said, do you write?

[1154] And I didn't say it until I, I got a joke on Letterman until I got paid money.

[1155] So I had been freelancing for like six months for Letterman, didn't get a joke on.

[1156] They would say, you're a writer.

[1157] And I would say not yet, because I hadn't gotten paid.

[1158] Even though, by the way, you of course can be a writer.

[1159] You could write all day and you're a writer.

[1160] But my stupid mental state was like, I had to wait.

[1161] Do you remember that moment?

[1162] Because it was a proud moment for me when I was like, now I'm a writer, or now I'm a blind.

[1163] Yeah, I sold a feature.

[1164] And I was like, my God, you know, I'm a writer.

[1165] And I'm assuming mean for you, and I was going to bring up your writing last, is for you, how does that compare?

[1166] For me, the thing I take the very most pride in as being a writer.

[1167] Oh, really?

[1168] Yes, absolutely.

[1169] Do you think that's because there's not as much of a spotlight on it?

[1170] Or no?

[1171] No, the work is so much harder.

[1172] It's so, like, it's something that you deserve to feel proud of.

[1173] Me fucking around on a set, making people laugh.

[1174] I would do that for free.

[1175] It's fun.

[1176] I'm getting rewarded in real time.

[1177] It's instantly gratifying.

[1178] Sitting in a fucking room for three months getting network notes getting studio notes going back opening it up re -breaking it that i mean when i finish something like that i'm like you fucking that's something to feel pride of what i used to do i don't do it anymore is i used to whenever i finished a script i would print it and hold it in my hands yes and be like i made and look how big it was it'd be like i wrote this i created a fucking world well benny i love you i've had so much fun hanging out with you over the i guess it's been a decade now.

[1179] And Monica, as we know loves you.

[1180] Monica, I can't believe how kind you are and you've never said a thing.

[1181] Well, I play it cool.

[1182] Played it very cool.

[1183] You told me to go fuck myself when I first met you.

[1184] Yeah, well, that's kind of my thing.

[1185] You said, you literally said, go fuck yourself.

[1186] This is my section.

[1187] I sit here.

[1188] Get away from where I sit.

[1189] There's a tiny, beautiful fact that because of quarantine, I haven't been able to hug almost anybody and we had a dinner, me and Josh had a dinner at your house, Dax.

[1190] You're the second person I hugged in eight months.

[1191] And it felt so good to hug somebody that I remember that hug because I like hugging people and having a connection with people.

[1192] And we've been all been stripped of that.

[1193] And we all got tests.

[1194] We all did like all these tests so we could hang out and have dinner together.

[1195] Yep.

[1196] There were dogs invited.

[1197] I don't know if Joshy's dog had been tested, but he came home.

[1198] I know.

[1199] I would feel absolutely amoral if we didn't take two seconds to talk about Jules Lollson.

[1200] Oh, God.

[1201] One of the funniest people in the universe.

[1202] You know how you said your buddy's got your number.

[1203] Fucking Josh has my number in such a profound way.

[1204] I find him so goddamn amusing.

[1205] Josh Lawson, he should be the biggest star in the world.

[1206] He's so funny and so talented.

[1207] And also he directs and write films that are incredible.

[1208] They're incredible.

[1209] And I want to tell the funniest quickest Josh Lawson story.

[1210] I wonder if you were there.

[1211] This was the greatest.

[1212] We played this game, Celebrity, right?

[1213] So Celebrity in a nutshell, you've got 20 people over.

[1214] Everyone writes three famous people's names.

[1215] They put them in a hat.

[1216] And then there's teams.

[1217] You get up in the first round, you can go, he stared at a volleyball on an island.

[1218] Wilson.

[1219] Tom Hanks.

[1220] Got it.

[1221] Yeah.

[1222] You got it.

[1223] And then the next round, you can only say one word.

[1224] So everyone's kind of paying attention.

[1225] And so the next time I'd go volleyball.

[1226] And people would remember Tom Hanks.

[1227] And then the third round is charades.

[1228] Okay.

[1229] So this came out so perfectly.

[1230] It is impossible.

[1231] I put Josh's name in there as one of the celebrities, Josh Lawson.

[1232] So some guy is about to give the many clues, first round, and he pulls the piece of paper out of the hat, and he looks at it, and he goes, um, I don't know who this is.

[1233] And Josh as a joke says Josh Lawson.

[1234] And he goes, yeah.

[1235] How did you know?

[1236] Who's that?

[1237] How did you know that?

[1238] How did you know that?

[1239] I, I, who did it to fuck with Josh, and like, so thrilled with how this is unraveling because all of a sudden I did not anticipate Josh was going to yell his own name.

[1240] Of course.

[1241] So then the next round, Josh pulls his own name and he can only say one word and he goes, Icon.

[1242] And I just screamed with...

[1243] Did someone guess it correct?

[1244] I did, of course.

[1245] And I was just screaming laughing.

[1246] I just kept thinking, this joke keeps just somehow giving back to us in the most profound way the fact that then he got it and he said icon oh my god was it fucking can I play something else about Josh he's an incredible poet oh yeah he has I have his book of poetry on my desk unbelievable he published a book of poetry and the first time he told me that he wrote poetry I was like you're nervous like that's really a fun hobby and then he sent me a poem and I was like holy shit this is unbelievable so By his poetry.

[1247] Also, incredible body.

[1248] Oh, beautiful physique.

[1249] Beautiful physique.

[1250] Really treats his body well.

[1251] He is so funny.

[1252] He, out of all of us, who is the funniest person on that set, he was just so funny and could do bits like crazy, yes, end, anything, and made this character as incredible.

[1253] If he got his role in a movie that people got to see how funny he was, he would be one of the biggest movie stars in the years.

[1254] Yes.

[1255] He's probably, if I had to pick my most favorite underrated comedian.

[1256] It's Josh Lawson.

[1257] He's the greatest.

[1258] I love that we talked about him because he deserved it.

[1259] He's amazing.

[1260] Yeah.

[1261] Now, Cheeto, not so good.

[1262] His acting?

[1263] I don't know.

[1264] Yeah.

[1265] Don't Cheeto.

[1266] You're talking about War Machine?

[1267] No, of course, the fact that you guys were all led by Cheatel.

[1268] I mean, come on.

[1269] It's insane.

[1270] We get to literally learn every day.

[1271] One of the best actors of all time.

[1272] Like, factually.

[1273] Yeah.

[1274] Well, man, I love you.

[1275] Everyone should watch Flora and Ulysses and they should also watch.

[1276] Oh, the after party.

[1277] I don't know when it comes out.

[1278] Oh, Middle Dish and Schwartz.

[1279] That's a one because nobody knows that we have these improv specials on Netflix.

[1280] We have three improv specials on Netflix called Middle Ditch and Schwartz.

[1281] That would be huge because your audience loves comedy.

[1282] So if you get bored, it's a three long form infraub specials.

[1283] And we didn't get to really publicize them when they came out.

[1284] So they're new to you, maybe.

[1285] Well, I think also we had Thomas Middletich on at a live show.

[1286] He's one of our favorite guests we ever had.

[1287] I'm a huge, huge fan of his.

[1288] I think he's so uniquely bizarre in the most sexy way.

[1289] And you guys have the best report.

[1290] Like, you guys are so good together.

[1291] He's really funny.

[1292] We luck to out.

[1293] We'll see if we ever get to tour again.

[1294] Do you know when you guys are going out again or no?

[1295] No idea.

[1296] Can't get there quick enough.

[1297] Wherever it is.

[1298] We're constantly like, we haven't had a hamburger from another city and we're going to die.

[1299] That's my cheeseburger, fries, ginger ale.

[1300] Any city I go to, that's what I do.

[1301] Yeah, this is what we look forward to most.

[1302] We like look up the best hamburger and wherever we're at when you go get it.

[1303] I love you guys.

[1304] I'm so appreciative that you had me. This has been a blast.

[1305] You guys are the best.

[1306] So happy to have you.

[1307] Love you, Benny.

[1308] Love you guys.

[1309] I'll talk to you, Bye.

[1310] Bye.

[1311] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1312] Welcome, welcome, welcome to the fact check.

[1313] Ben Schwartz.

[1314] Benjamin Schwartzman.

[1315] That was a really fun episode.

[1316] He got to learn a lot about my obsession with him.

[1317] That was thrilling.

[1318] I bet people really enjoyed hearing about one of your big crushes and the things you did.

[1319] I hope so.

[1320] It was pretty embarrassing.

[1321] But it's the truth.

[1322] It's what I did.

[1323] It's what I did.

[1324] Did you feel embarrassed by it?

[1325] Yeah.

[1326] Oh.

[1327] But not so much that I wish I hadn't told him or anything.

[1328] I think it's fine.

[1329] Maybe interesting to him, maybe.

[1330] I don't know.

[1331] I hope it didn't make him uncomfortable.

[1332] No. No guy's ever been made uncomfortable to find out some girl like them.

[1333] Also, don't you think you'd be more embarrassed if you still felt that way and you were still like working the front desk, like all these weird status elements?

[1334] Well, it would definitely feel different if I still felt obsessed with them.

[1335] That would be.

[1336] I probably would not be able to say it if I was in the throes.

[1337] Right, true.

[1338] Still rassling with it.

[1339] Also, I didn't say and should have definitely said.

[1340] His girlfriend, Georgia, is so lovely.

[1341] She is so lovely.

[1342] I have had many a conversation with her.

[1343] Oh, how do you know her?

[1344] She's really good friends with Laura.

[1345] Moses.

[1346] Okay.

[1347] Obviously, because Ben is really good friends with Laura.

[1348] Oh, sure.

[1349] And so I've done things with her and Laura.

[1350] and she's so, so, so, so sweet and awesome.

[1351] She's a great actor.

[1352] She was in Vice Principles.

[1353] Yeah, she was phenomenal.

[1354] Is she English?

[1355] Yeah.

[1356] No, is it English or Australian?

[1357] Oh, okay, but she's one of the two.

[1358] Yeah, she has an accent.

[1359] Oh, fun.

[1360] Yeah, she's really cool.

[1361] She sure doesn't have an accent when she does these American shows.

[1362] I know.

[1363] It's so impressive.

[1364] Undetectable.

[1365] Cannot be detected.

[1366] When we were watching a tiny bit of the Golden Globes.

[1367] Holy smokes.

[1368] Well, that was.

[1369] Well, first, I think Amy and Tina did a great job.

[1370] Yeah, especially all things considered.

[1371] They had an impossible task.

[1372] They did the impossible.

[1373] Yeah, and they were still funny despite the craziness of Zoom and being in different locations.

[1374] And, oh, my gosh.

[1375] It was so weird, too, just, and again, they did the very best they could.

[1376] But just, like, starting the show going, like, look, the HPAF or whatever, suck.

[1377] They suck.

[1378] Yeah.

[1379] They've nominated shitty movies and they got no black members and they suck.

[1380] But let's continue with their award show.

[1381] Exactly.

[1382] It's so weird.

[1383] I wonder if they had to get that approved.

[1384] They couldn't have.

[1385] Well, those, they all came out and made an apology.

[1386] Like, so they definitely, it's just so weird.

[1387] Like, look, this award show sucks.

[1388] They nominated really terrible movies and, and there's no black members.

[1389] And shockingly, there's no black, you know.

[1390] but let's let's do it yeah i know i've never seen anything like that like what if pat say jack came out and he said listen wheel of fortune sucks and it's racist and the people don't even win the money uh let's spin that wheel it's true it's true it's wild and then the tech difficulties oh my god my goodness holy technical it was feeling like a sketch it really felt like a skit Not singling out anyone in particular.

[1391] Of course, everyone is beautiful and wonderful.

[1392] But it really just smashed the allure of the Hollywood elegance.

[1393] I mean, everyone looked like bozos on their fucking laptop computers, as we all look like bozos.

[1394] I guess they did what this show tries to do.

[1395] They're just humans sitting on their couch.

[1396] Some people were like all glam.

[1397] Some people were not all glam.

[1398] Oh, my God.

[1399] I do want to single out one person because he's my favorite and we're friends, and I think he's so phenomenally talented, Jeff Daniels.

[1400] That was my favorite.

[1401] He's clearly on location doing a low -budget movie, and he's in, like, a very inexpensive hotel room, and he's just in a flannel shirt, sitting on the bed, and you can tell the comforter has been thrown over some items.

[1402] You know, there's lumps in it.

[1403] So it's like, I think it was last minute, like, oh, shit, I can see my t -shirts and stuff over here.

[1404] I'm going to throw.

[1405] So to have him in a frame with other people that were, like, in cocktail wear, and lit.

[1406] Yeah.

[1407] Was amazing.

[1408] It was.

[1409] It was.

[1410] Oh, boy.

[1411] Oh, Lord.

[1412] It was funny, but I also was thinking, man, people have done a really good job of trying hard to keep things moving.

[1413] That's a pretty way to look at it.

[1414] I like that.

[1415] I was mostly thinking, what a fucking shittier to win.

[1416] Yeah.

[1417] Like all these people who have been, you know, aimed at that.

[1418] and really wanted that, and then they get that, and they got to make a speech from their fucking hotel room.

[1419] Yeah.

[1420] And the tech sucks.

[1421] No one's there, and none of their peers are there.

[1422] It's just, what a bummer of a win.

[1423] I know.

[1424] Well, that's what circling back, what I was going to say is Daniel Kaluya won, and he was giving a speech, and he is an accent.

[1425] Thick.

[1426] Very thick.

[1427] And you just never hear it.

[1428] You never hear it when he's doing his.

[1429] He's a boss.

[1430] I like that.

[1431] that guy.

[1432] Me too.

[1433] I would sit in a specific seat to sit next to him.

[1434] Oh, I know.

[1435] Yeah.

[1436] Okay, Ben.

[1437] So did Houdini die in the Masonic Temple?

[1438] I'm going to read you a little bit about Houdini's.

[1439] Harold Houdini?

[1440] Yes.

[1441] It's a real Houdini.

[1442] It's a real Houdinit.

[1443] Oh, wow, that was good.

[1444] I've never heard that before.

[1445] Well, you know you'll hear it again.

[1446] Now then I know you like it.

[1447] Maybe even a few more times in this next half hour.

[1448] Oh, my gosh.

[1449] Fingers crossed.

[1450] Well, he died of a ruptured appendix.

[1451] Mm -hmm.

[1452] This is history .com.

[1453] Very trusted brand.

[1454] Incredibly trusted.

[1455] We've come to depend on it, not on like the Bone Report.

[1456] Yeah, from last episode.

[1457] Also, I'm still in Los Angeles.

[1458] Truth be told, we're recording this five minutes after we recorded the last one.

[1459] Oh, man. I know I told people.

[1460] Well, I'm busting the illusion just like the Hollywood for and press.

[1461] Oh, my God.

[1462] This is the Golden Globes.

[1463] Okay.

[1464] The strange series of events.

[1465] that led to Houdini's demise had kicked off several weeks earlier on October 11, 1926, while being shackled into his Chinese water torture cell during a performance in Albany, New York, the conjurer was struck on the leg by a piece of faulty equipment.

[1466] He hobbled his way through the rest of the show, but was later found to have sustained a fractured left ankle.

[1467] Against doctor's orders, Houdini continued his tour and traveled to Montreal, where he gave a lecture at McGill University.

[1468] Just a few days later, on October 22nd, he invited some McGill students to visit him in his dressing room at the princess theater.

[1469] Okay.

[1470] Uh -oh.

[1471] Maybe problematic.

[1472] Maybe.

[1473] The magician's sore ankle was still bothering him, so he plopped down on a couch while the group chatted.

[1474] At some point, a student named Jay Gordon Whitehead arrived and asked Houdini if it was true that he could resist hard punches to the abdomen.

[1475] Yeah.

[1476] Here we go.

[1477] A claim the magician had supposedly made him public.

[1478] According to witness, Sam Smilovitz.

[1479] Ooh, Smilovitz.

[1480] When Houdini said the rumors were true, White had abruptly delivered four or five terribly forcible, deliberate, well -directed blows to his stomach.

[1481] Yeah, he wasn't prepared.

[1482] Uh -oh.

[1483] Houdini was still reclined on the couch and had no time to prepare for the punches, which appeared to leave him in considerable pain.

[1484] Houdini brushed off the incident at the time, but that same evening, he began to complain of discomfort and stomach cramps.

[1485] Oh, no. His condition only worsened the next day when he boarded an overnight train to Detroit for a new run of performances.

[1486] The magician develops severe abdominal pain, cold sweats, and fatigue, and his temperature rose to 104 degrees.

[1487] A doctor suspected appendicitis and instructed Houdini to go to the hospital, but the performer insisted on taking the stage for his opening night show at the Garrick Theater.

[1488] Oh, the Garrick Theater.

[1489] He proceeded to struggle through his routine before collapsing immediately after the final curtain.

[1490] Ooh, that is.

[1491] So I got that damn close to right.

[1492] Mm -hmm.

[1493] Just not the Masonic Temple.

[1494] Yeah.

[1495] There's a lot in there.

[1496] What kind of bozo pummel someone in the...

[1497] Exactly.

[1498] I mean, what a bozo.

[1499] Yeah.

[1500] Also, why have five dudes to your room from college?

[1501] I don't know.

[1502] That's weird.

[1503] I know.

[1504] But maybe they, you know, like after Broadway shows, people come visit you.

[1505] Well, but this was later.

[1506] He invited them later to his, right?

[1507] Yeah.

[1508] And then the outcome is why it's weird.

[1509] You don't have five frat dudes come.

[1510] to your thing because they'll pummel you in the stomach without any warning and then because you're a man and you're supposed to be able to take all these punches to the stomach you're not going to be fully admitting of how injured you are so geez louise the ego the thought of all the insane life -threatening things that he navigated to die because some knucklehead punched him in the stomach oh my god what a bozo ending why would that guy who gets july joy out of that of punching someone in the stomach i know the psychology of these frat guys so we don't know he was a frat hold on he was a frat okay who punchy delta oh so everyone wants their own fame and notoriety and so this bozo met houdini and he knew if i slug houdini in the stomach now i have a story now i have something to say that's important and i don't have my own notoriety but i'm going to draft on this guy is by slugging him several times in the stomach as he's on a chair.

[1511] This is people's desire to be.

[1512] It's such a sad way to feel good about yourself.

[1513] Like if you have to punch someone in the stomach to feel good about yourself.

[1514] Cool story, Mike.

[1515] Yeah, you killed him.

[1516] Great.

[1517] Thanks.

[1518] I wonder if that guy ever got like tried for manslaughter or anything.

[1519] I wonder.

[1520] I started a book last night.

[1521] This is a departure, but just reminded me. Sayonara Houdini.

[1522] Reminded me of jail called no, my name.

[1523] And it's the memoir of the girl who got sexually assaulted at Stanford and was like left behind that dumpster.

[1524] Yes, I have this book.

[1525] This is in the Malcolm Gladwell book.

[1526] Oh, it is?

[1527] Yeah, I started it last night and, oof, because she was known as like Emily Doe for a really long time and no one knew her name.

[1528] But then she wrote this memoir and was like owning herself and it's a lot.

[1529] I mean, I just started it.

[1530] So I'm not that far in but whof man really gets into the psychology of getting taken advantage of sad okay does flora and ulysses come out on february 19th yes that was a while ago so please go back in time yes kick brad pit in monica's grandma out of the time machine yeah they've been occupying it for a while so it's time for someone else to join it yeah they've had their fun in the sun yeah what is the name of Josh Lawson's book of poetry.

[1531] Josh Lawson.

[1532] Joshy's poetry book is called Struggling Heartest.

[1533] And you can get it on Kindle or Amazon.

[1534] I think.

[1535] Oh, that was a story.

[1536] He did a reading up one of the poems that I really loved.

[1537] But I think it was a story.

[1538] I would play it, but I think it was a story.

[1539] So it's gone.

[1540] Oh, oh, on Instagram.

[1541] Yeah.

[1542] I'm like, wait, is the story he told you, but he performed it?

[1543] Yeah, okay.

[1544] Okay, so it was an IG story.

[1545] Yeah.

[1546] I say IG because I'm...

[1547] Cool.

[1548] Incredibly.

[1549] IRL.

[1550] Wow.

[1551] I am.

[1552] What else do you know?

[1553] What's I am?

[1554] Are you just saying I am?

[1555] In real life, I am.

[1556] Oh, wow.

[1557] IRL, I am.

[1558] Oh, my God.

[1559] Also sounds like Will I am, but I am not Will.

[1560] Oh, my God.

[1561] Well, you're almost, you're like rapping.

[1562] Ding, ding, ding, you're making a poem.

[1563] Good job.

[1564] Thank you.

[1565] Ben was fun.

[1566] It's another kind of weird full circle moment was a weird full circle moment But for me, I remember Anthony was over.

[1567] This was a couple years ago, maybe.

[1568] Anthony was over at my house, and Laura and Ben were coming back from something going to Laura's apartment when we both used to live in the same apartment building.

[1569] And they stopped in.

[1570] And after they left, Anthony was like, Monica.

[1571] Like, think about that.

[1572] Think about what just happened.

[1573] Yeah.

[1574] Yeah.

[1575] And after Amy's episode, one of my best friends from UCB.

[1576] We did 101 together and, like, the whole thing and we're on teams together.

[1577] He, IG'd me. IGDM?

[1578] Yes, thank you.

[1579] Thank you for correcting me. He, IGDM'd me and said, he said, imagine UCB 101, Monica hearing about this makes my heart warm.

[1580] And I like that.

[1581] UCB 101, Monica.

[1582] I'm going to commit that to memory.

[1583] Consider that committed.

[1584] New Nicky name?

[1585] Mm -hmm.

[1586] And I think there's, like, some moment.

[1587] were this type of moment oh yeah sure i'll say what do you think ucb 101 monica would yeah she'd be pitil in her pants oh yeah she wouldn't be able to believe it pants would be full of pittal that's it for ben that's it for ben yeah well we love ben he's a fucking good time you can't have anything less than a great time around ben yeah we don't call him benny though or does christin does yeah christin calls him benny okay i stand corrected nice real -time fact check um well i love you I love Benny.

[1588] I love UCB 101, Monica.

[1589] I love all those people, too, and you.

[1590] Oh, thank you.

[1591] All righty.

[1592] Goodbye.

[1593] Night night.

[1594] Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1595] You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

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