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[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Go -bye.
[16] Welcome!
[17] Tim I'm a murder, minisode.
[18] This is a really short episode that gets you through your.
[19] week.
[20] You guys send us your hometown murders or your whatever town murders or your whatever town incident incidents that exciting things weird things.
[21] I'm still loving, every once in a while we'll get something.
[22] Did you see the picture of the girl who went for Halloween as the Swiss cheese pervert?
[23] It's like one of my favorite pictures.
[24] I adore that girl whoever she is out there.
[25] An amazing person.
[26] It's the best it's the best it's the best god bless all kinds of stuff out there if you really look hard enough and if you have some stuff like that we want to know about yep yeah we won't judge you we'll judge you but not in a mean way uh are you ready you want to go you want to go first okay this one is called i unknowingly played fetch with human bones no yes hi georgia karen steven elves and mimi your podcast has helped me through sleepless nights and terrible part of depression with my first baby.
[27] And you guys are truly my sweet baby comedy murder angels.
[28] So I think it's time to officially write to you and bedded by Stephen about my hometown murder.
[29] I'm from Morgana, California.
[30] Have you ever heard of that?
[31] No. Morgana.
[32] A very affluent suburb east of Berkeley.
[33] I've only heard of Morgan Hills.
[34] It says Morgan.
[35] You know what?
[36] It's so affluent.
[37] I've never heard of it.
[38] Right.
[39] They don't want us to know about it.
[40] We would never.
[41] I want to.
[42] if it's near Black Hawk or something like that.
[43] Never heard of that either.
[44] Sorry, how how far away from Berkeley?
[45] It says a suburb.
[46] No, I'm sorry.
[47] It says an affluent suburb east of Berkeley.
[48] Oh, okay.
[49] It's in the hills, I bet.
[50] Probably.
[51] Morgana.
[52] Affluent.
[53] Okay.
[54] I just found out the house I grew up and is directly next door to the house once owned by serial killer Philip Hughes.
[55] POS Philip killed teenage brunettes because he got dumped it by Brunette in high school and never got over it.
[56] He wanted, no, it's because he was a serial killer.
[57] I mean, he wanted to murder said Burnett, but thought he would be too obvious a suspect, so he decided to lookalike would have to suffice.
[58] His deranged wife would pick the victims for him.
[59] Whoa.
[60] This was in the early 70s, almost 15 years before we moved into town.
[61] Philip used to bury his victim's body parts around the foothills of St. Mary's College and Mount Diablo.
[62] However, he would save, quote, fees of his victims, including bones and body parts.
[63] His only, he only got caught because his lunatic wife turned him in because she was, all caps, jealous of his intense obsession with his victims.
[64] Oh, no. Oh, honey.
[65] What the fuck?
[66] She got immunity for her testimony.
[67] Double what the fuck.
[68] Fast forward a few decades, and I'm a teenager and would pet sit for the lovely young family that moved into his dick, it moved into Dick Lick Phil's old house.
[69] Since it happened decades prior, no one knew about.
[70] Philip Hughes and that it was his house.
[71] The neighbor's dog was a rambunctious yellow lab named Bear that would dig up anything and everything in the backyard.
[72] Uh -oh.
[73] I mean, since there's a huge open space of wildlife, our houses backed up to, I assume the bones bear dig up were many deer, possum, foxes, raccoons, skunks, etc. that inhabited the hills and fields, so I would sit in the backyard and play fetch with bear and do homework.
[74] Maybe smoke a little urb because I was a teenager with a house to myself.
[75] It was only until recently I discovered the history of Philip pews, where he lived and that some of those bones were possibly some of his keepsakes he kept buried in his yard.
[76] Yes, I played fetched with human bones and then let the dog chew slash eat them.
[77] Side note, my dad was a federal prosecutor at the time and is now a superior court judge in Contra Costa County.
[78] This is where we're going to call and we get arrested.
[79] And it never occurred to me to mention this to him since I thought they were all wild animal or storebought bone, dog bones.
[80] And I was afraid he'd find out of smoking weed while watching the dog.
[81] I did eventually tell him now that I'm 35, I don't smoke weed.
[82] And all murdering knows know that if you find a body part, tell someone.
[83] No, I'll be mad at you that you trespass on a lord's, on a lord's land.
[84] Oh, love you all.
[85] Stay sexy.
[86] Don't get murdered.
[87] If you find body parts, call your dad.
[88] So she didn't know at the time.
[89] No. Like this is looking back and going, but she also doesn't have proof they were his.
[90] Or even human.
[91] But it's just there's a good chance.
[92] Yeah.
[93] Okay, okay.
[94] And this is.
[95] from Lindsay.
[96] Thank you.
[97] Lindsay, that's so creepy.
[98] Also, what a creepy question mark to have from your class where you're like, kind of high, maybe touched a femur.
[99] And then like, oh, shit.
[100] That's rough.
[101] Also, I've never heard of that serial killer.
[102] I've never heard of that town.
[103] Maybe she made the whole thing.
[104] Maybe I'm asleep right now.
[105] Okay.
[106] Mine, this subject line is Lighthearted Southern Hospitality for Swap Team Stephen, Karen, okay, Stephen's name going first is someone who's clearly Stephen trying to play you to get their email picked.
[107] Stephen made all of these up, and we know you made up a fucking town.
[108] He's writing all of them.
[109] It's like no Morgana is made up.
[110] Yeah.
[111] Okay.
[112] Stephen, Karen, Georgia, Elvis, Mimi, and Karen's dogs.
[113] Aw, I love him to people, include the dogs.
[114] I actually have to say, in the last couple times we've done minisodes I have felt left out because now that it's the roll call and it's Elvis and Mimi are on every time especially because Mimi is not really part of it yeah but she's now part of it yeah and then I'm like well I also have two pets well people people will name your pets in there you can throw Frank and George in there Stephen just added in every time so that she doesn't feel that to your fake emails yeah um and just remember George is a girl.
[115] Wait, I'm a girl?
[116] George is a girl.
[117] Got it.
[118] Okay, lighthearted Southern hospitality for the SWAT team.
[119] Okay.
[120] Thank you all.
[121] I'm not going to read that whole thing again.
[122] Thank you all for creating the murderino culture.
[123] Oh, we did not create it.
[124] We merely rode the wave of it.
[125] We live it.
[126] It has been here for years before us and will be years after.
[127] It's always existed inside of you.
[128] Just like, um, shingle.
[129] Just like the Epstein Bivirus.
[130] That doesn't good.
[131] Steven.
[132] Okay.
[133] Thanks for creating it.
[134] The world needs it.
[135] That's very true.
[136] Here's my short and sweet story.
[137] Hailing from the humid hellhole of Boca Raton, Florida, my college town.
[138] A shameless plea, please do a live show in Florida, please.
[139] Guess what?
[140] Teaser.
[141] Okay.
[142] Okay.
[143] Oh, it says we're all a little crazy and carry deodorant and hairspray in our purses, but we can be fun, too.
[144] That sounds fucking awesome to me. Okay.
[145] It was the end of the semester.
[146] My roommate and I lived in a small house situated within a neighborhood, mainly consisting of degenerate college kids and all around sketchballs.
[147] I was in my room doing something unmemorable when I heard my roommate start losing her shit and ran into the living room where I saw she was crouching down beside the window peeking outside.
[148] I dropped to the floor and army crawled over to her because that's what I felt was appropriate to do at that moment.
[149] I love it.
[150] There was a fucking scene at the house directly across from ours.
[151] The entire SWAT team had mobilized.
[152] Guns aimed at the house, poised behind their vans in the middle of the street making a serious fucking plan.
[153] Oh, God, that's exciting.
[154] I'm like, it's so exciting.
[155] Yeah.
[156] About three minutes later, we would learn that their plan was to stake out this house.
[157] from the best vantage point possible our fucking living room in all caps.
[158] No. When five members from the team made their way to our side door, we literally lost our minds.
[159] Oh my God, can you imagine?
[160] Knock, knock, knock.
[161] But I love that that's the way I use literally, which is incorrect.
[162] We literally lost our minds.
[163] They slipped out of our ears and onto the floor.
[164] Okay.
[165] They were intimidating as hell in their vests and helmets, but they were as chivalrous, as Disney princes.
[166] We learned that the man in the house, that the man in the house, oh, across the street, was holding his family hostage at gunpoint.
[167] Oh, no. Somehow his son was able to break away and call 911, which got the ball rolling with SWAT.
[168] Note, the next day, I heard that this was provoked by a dispute over the son's Xbox.
[169] Also, no one died.
[170] The man ended up surrendering after a few hours.
[171] Anyway, they explained that they were commandeering our house and would have to escort us out through the backyard.
[172] FYI, they created a human shield around us as we ran to safety outside of my neighborhood.
[173] My roommate clutching her miniature schnauzer to her chest, their guns cocked toward the house, shouting commands to each other.
[174] Oh, my God.
[175] That is the hottest thing of all time.
[176] And then the bodyguard song started playing.
[177] What's the bodyguard song?
[178] Uh, yes, that one.
[179] Um, Thank you for queuing me up.
[180] I was like, I knew what it was, but I was like, someone, not me sing it.
[181] You're like a stage mother in that way.
[182] I'm like, and what's the song?
[183] What's the song, Karen?
[184] Give me a couple bars.
[185] Then I fucking pull this mic off this mic stand and just like, oh, I didn't know there was a spotlight in my loft in the podcast loft.
[186] I brought it with me. Oh, great.
[187] Great, great.
[188] This is literally one of the most surreal moments of my life.
[189] But what made it that much crazier was that the SWAT team spent the afternoon in our shitty goodwill furniture -clad living room where a huge composite photo of our entire sorority hung drinking water from red solo cups and maybe occasionally glancing at the TV that we had turned on to E. Lots and lots of love.
[190] C. That's the best story.
[191] Wow.
[192] Beautifully written C. Mm -hmm.
[193] Hilarious.
[194] Great job.
[195] No one died.
[196] Exciting.
[197] It's almost like an aspirational email.
[198] Yeah.
[199] Because who gets to see that kind of thing.
[200] I mean, it's so exciting.
[201] We're moving to Boka.
[202] So cool.
[203] We got to go to Bucca.
[204] Yeah, if you live in Boka and you are a member of the SWAT team, and by chance, we do a live show somewhere near there.
[205] We'd love to meet you.
[206] Yeah.
[207] Yes.
[208] We want you to escort us on stage in the same manner.
[209] We're going to get a miniature schnauzer just for fun.
[210] We want full, full SWAT.
[211] Full SWAT.
[212] Full SWAT.
[213] Listen.
[214] That's such a good entry.
[215] Yeah, fuck it.
[216] When what is playing, Karen?
[217] Um, there you go.
[218] I almost missed my cue.
[219] Here you go.
[220] Okay.
[221] Ready for a creepy tree man story?
[222] Hey ladies and Stephen.
[223] So it wasn't cats or dogs either.
[224] So it was fair.
[225] Everybody's fine and fair.
[226] Yeah.
[227] This technically isn't a murder, but I know you like some weird creepy stuff, so I figured I'd share it with you.
[228] Hell yeah.
[229] I just moved to Indianapolis from upstate New York, and I just missed you guys when you were here.
[230] I lived in the town of Greenfield, New York when I was in elementary school, so my exact interpretation of this is super different than what was explained to me later in life.
[231] So one night when I was about eight years old, I decided to be brave and sleep with my blinds open.
[232] That's so weird.
[233] Kids are so...
[234] The reason people make, kids make decisions.
[235] Yeah, reasoning.
[236] As I was falling asleep, I remember seeing a hooded, shadowy figure leaning against the one tree in my yard, so I freaked out and told my mom, and she told me I had an overactive imagination, but she still opened the front door and didn't see anything.
[237] She urged me back to bed and after a few minutes as I was laying in bed, I looked back out the window and sure enough, he was still there.
[238] I eventually just closed my blinds and fell asleep.
[239] Now that same exact weekend, I remember suddenly having to spend the weekend with my grandmother in Saratoga and was never given a reason until I was a teenager and brought it up in conversation with my mother.
[240] She told me that the reason I had to stay with my grandmother was because, Apparently our landlord was stalking my mother and would let himself into our apartment in the middle of the night and watch her sleep.
[241] Holy shit.
[242] Turns out this wasn't the first time something has happened like this with the guy and he had done it with previous tenant as well.
[243] I'm not really sure what happened with the guy and my mom never really talked about it again or wanted to talk about it.
[244] But we moved very shortly after the incident.
[245] So there really was a fucking dude in the yard.
[246] Yep.
[247] And also the mom knew there really was.
[248] And she was like, she opened the door.
[249] That scares me. Oh, God.
[250] I hope you enjoyed this dose of creepy, and I look forward to every episode every week.
[251] Can't wait to see you guys live soon.
[252] Also, hey, Elvis, what up, cat.
[253] Stay out of the forest, Adam.
[254] Wow.
[255] That's the worst, best, worst.
[256] Stalkers, I don't, like, I get, I have nightmares about having a stalker.
[257] Because it's just like, you have no control.
[258] right i kind of had one did you ever had a stalker like i doubt it you just didn't notice were you ever a stalker probably me too do you ever think about that where it's like people are like oh my god my ex -girlfriend totally stalked me and then you're like you know i did some shit when i was like 21 i was in love yes that like absolutely could have been judged as stalkery yes well i mean in high school used to drive i used to drive by i made patty riley drive me by Mike Conierrez's house.
[259] See if we could see in his front window.
[260] I did that too with those same people that you just named that I can't remember.
[261] Yeah, I definitely sent some fucking obsessive pages, paging people.
[262] Oh, damn.
[263] Did you 9 -1 -1 -1 -4 -3?
[264] Remember that was I love you?
[265] Did you have a pager?
[266] Nope.
[267] Oh, I had a pager.
[268] That's when you were a surgeon?
[269] I was a drug dealer.
[270] Surgeon.
[271] It was a drug dealer surgeon.
[272] Coming this fall, it's a fox.
[273] Pager, that pager life that you lived.
[274] Oh, definitely.
[275] live that page or life.
[276] Oh, shit.
[277] Stock.
[278] Let stock her life.
[279] I mean, I think also, I feel like that is what your 20s are for.
[280] Yeah.
[281] In terms of.
[282] Pagers and stocking.
[283] Pages and stocking.
[284] That's fair.
[285] Yeah, for sure.
[286] You're supposed to do crazy shit.
[287] Yeah.
[288] Which is why like I can't listen to people that are like, my ex is crazy.
[289] And it's like, well, that's what love does to you.
[290] Yeah.
[291] You, you, uh, when you are disappointed or hurt in love, you have reactions that you can't control.
[292] Totally.
[293] Because basically your drug has been cut off and you don't know what to do.
[294] Remember how awful that was when you get, like I couldn't sleep at night.
[295] Right.
[296] And because everything would be a dream of them.
[297] Yo -ya, that thing where you think you see them everywhere.
[298] Oh, that's the worst.
[299] When you're like, I was, it was because it was the 90s, I was already on diet pill.
[300] So I already had the like, speedy, crazy obsessive.
[301] and then it was this thing of a person that didn't even live in Los Angeles.
[302] And I thought I saw him everywhere.
[303] I totally get that.
[304] It was terrible.
[305] Wanted to so badly.
[306] Like, I'm at the DMV and maybe he'll happen to be there.
[307] I mean, and then you're kind of like getting ready all the time because you have to be ready.
[308] Yeah.
[309] Maybe that's why I never get ready anymore.
[310] I'm like, fuck.
[311] It's like a never go back.
[312] It's a fuck you to what was the guy's name?
[313] It's a fuck you to me ever seeming attractive again.
[314] I mean, yeah, we could go on.
[315] I mean, that's the podcast name.
[316] That's the next podcast.
[317] We could go on.
[318] We could go on.
[319] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[320] Absolutely.
[321] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.
[322] Exactly.
[323] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[324] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[325] That's right.
[326] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere.
[327] online, in store, on social media, and beyond.
[328] Give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[329] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.
[330] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[331] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[332] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can't too.
[333] Connect with customers inline and online.
[334] right with Shopify.
[335] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[336] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.
[337] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.
[338] That's Shopify .com slash murder.
[339] Goodbye.
[340] Hey, this is exciting.
[341] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[342] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[343] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[344] Who killed Saz?
[345] And were they really after Charles?
[346] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[347] This season, murder hits close to home.
[348] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[349] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[350] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[351] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[352] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, Dayvine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[353] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[354] Bye.
[355] Okay, this one is called I Survived, Escape from Self Storage.
[356] Oh, shit.
[357] Okay, so a friend, I love it, just get into it.
[358] Yeah.
[359] A friend from was interviewed by, oh, shit.
[360] Hmm.
[361] I wonder what her friend was from, because she left out a word.
[362] Oh.
[363] Okay, so a friend from was interviewed by, I. survived for her story.
[364] Let's say high school.
[365] A friend from high school.
[366] Let's say high school.
[367] They ended up not using our story, but I thought you would enjoy hearing a story, a female, badassery anyway.
[368] Okay.
[369] H -O -K -A -Y.
[370] So we went to college in a pretty safe rural college down in the south.
[371] She was taking some classes over the summer, aka she was pretty much alone because no one stays in town for the summer and was living in a house.
[372] she and her parents were renovating for future rentals because they were renovating the house she had a lot of stuff in a storage facility that she would frequently go to one day she went out to her storage unit and a man jumped her she fought like hell but he threw her into a storage unit ties her up locked her in there and left okay being the badass she is my friend managed to get out of the ties and began searching for a way out in the complete pitch black.
[373] That's what I was going to say, how creepy that is, because it's basically like an empty room that's pitch black.
[374] Like, you're never going to, your eyes will never get used to that blackness.
[375] Right.
[376] Yeah, because there's no evenest stream of light.
[377] She somehow found an old flip cell phone.
[378] I don't know if you know this, but old flip cell phones have a special reserve battery so you can call 911 even if the phone claims to be dead.
[379] shit love it oh bring black back flip phones yeah okay the cop showed up caught the guy as he was returning to the storage unit afterward they searched his car and it was filled with everything he needed to murder her and dispose of the body oh my god i don't know that was in all caps that's why my inflection is what it is so very dramatic i don't know if you believe in god in a god karma or the great lord's thulu but i never never know how to pronounce Sathulu.
[380] But something happened that day in that storage unit and it saved my friend's life, S -S -D -G -M -Ellis, in parentheses, female.
[381] Ellis is female.
[382] Oh, my God.
[383] What a badass.
[384] What a horrifying thing.
[385] Okay, here's the thing that made me think of.
[386] If you look it up on YouTube, you can, they teach you how you can break out of zip ties on your hands.
[387] Have you seen that?
[388] Is it the one where you clam your, what do you do?
[389] If you tie your shoelaces together, you can, and you get your zip.
[390] I think that's how she did it.
[391] It was basically you rub the zip tie along something else to create friction and you do it long enough.
[392] You can pop them.
[393] The plastic will like break apart.
[394] There's one for duct tape too.
[395] There's a video for having it out of duct tape.
[396] Oh, that's that one where you throw your arms up a certain way.
[397] Or you throw your arms into yourself or some shit.
[398] I think it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[399] Look it up.
[400] Why are we even look?
[401] We're not going to get it right.
[402] But look it up because that's, I mean, sure.
[403] Like, low -key, non -magic -based escape tactics are good things to know how to do.
[404] The more you know, the less you'll get killed.
[405] That's right.
[406] And also, the more you know, NBC.
[407] NBC.
[408] Sing it.
[409] NBC, something like that.
[410] Yeah.
[411] Is that it?
[412] That is it.
[413] Oh, do you want to read this thing about, remember we were talking shit on the woman who jumped on that car while it was getting carjacked?
[414] oh yeah and we were like why did she do that well someone is friends with her and she wrote us okay the girl her car was somebody was stealing her car and she ran we saw the video where she ran out and jumped on the hood on the hood of this huge SUV okay so this says hi karen and georgian of course stephen and the kitties no it's okay i can't i can't change horses midstream and then expect people to to right i'm the one that said they didn't want to be talked about okay in the middle of MFM Minnesota 29 y 'all discussed a lady who jumped on top of her SUV when she was getting carjacked as it turned out I know her and she is a vendor rep for the company that I used to intern at and was actually one of the sweetest and most personal reps that I worked with.
[415] I'd had a meeting with her not even a week before the incident happened and about shit my pants when I saw her badass for you on TV it makes sense to me that she would take such drastic measures to keep her car because she travels so much for work and keeps all her samples in the car of what um she's a rep a vendor rep it says so basically all her stuff she makes money off of was in her car yeah and it probably took place in uh and the fact that it probably took place in Milwaukee Wisconsin so it could have very it could have ended very badly you want to roam those streets alone you know Jeff Dommer and all anyways I just thought you guys would want to allow a little backstory as to why she might have jumped on her car instead of letting it be carjacked.
[416] Thanks for this podcast.
[417] It keeps a lot of board college students, interns, entertained.
[418] Cheers, Ivy.
[419] Aw.
[420] Nice.
[421] I like knowing these stories about people.
[422] I love a little more information.
[423] Little more, little details.
[424] If you have details or full stories or anything like what you just heard, send it to us at my favorite murder at gmail .com.
[425] Also, I think we're due for another first responders nurses episode.
[426] Oh yeah.
[427] So let's have those.
[428] Put it in the title.
[429] Right?
[430] Yeah, that's a good idea.
[431] First responders, nurses.
[432] Also, if you got an ER story, I don't mind one of those.
[433] But it has to be, you know, not just like people had a, like, a whole telephone pole in their leg or whatever.
[434] Like, not just medical.
[435] I'm just picturing that.
[436] And it's like, what do you actually step on a telephone pole?
[437] I wasn't looking where I was going.
[438] I stepped on this telephone pole.
[439] Listen, I'm a giant.
[440] It's very difficult for me to walk into this emergency room because of how long this telephone pole is.
[441] I love it.
[442] Thanks for listening, guys.
[443] Say sexy.
[444] And don't get murdered.
[445] Bye.
[446] Elvis, do you want a cookie?