Matthew Rhys

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Mike Wallace, and I'm joined by Heather Thomas.

[2] Hello.

[3] How you doing?

[4] Great.

[5] Wonderful.

[6] One of our favorite actors is here today.

[7] We love him.

[8] He's sensational.

[9] He really is.

[10] Matthew Reese.

[11] An exciting part of Matthew Reese is you've probably come to know him in the Americans or Perry Mason, maybe brothers and sisters.

[12] I don't know why you know him, but you've most certainly only heard him speak as an American.

[13] Yes.

[14] And this motherfucker is from Wales.

[15] Yeah, it's real tasty.

[16] Oh, it's real tasty.

[17] His accent's so tasty.

[18] And he even spoke in Welsh for us, which is very exciting.

[19] This becomes a little bit of a history lesson on whales.

[20] And boats.

[21] And boats.

[22] Yes.

[23] So if you like boats and whales and perfect acting and the Americans, you're going to love this.

[24] Also, we want to remind people to watch Perry Mason.

[25] Perry Mason has been nominated for four primetime Emmy Awards, including best lead actor.

[26] Not surprised.

[27] Not even a little.

[28] And also an all bulletins announcement.

[29] Is that a word, all bulletin's announcement?

[30] ABA.

[31] I got a quick ABA, an ABA for you.

[32] If you're interested in participating in Season 2 of Nurture versus Nurture with Dr. Wendy Mogle, we will have applications up on our website, armchairexpertpod .com for your perusal and submission.

[33] So if you want to be involved with that, please go to the website and fill out the form.

[34] Please enjoy the charming Matthew Reese.

[35] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to armchair expert early and add free right now.

[36] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[37] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[38] I went down the entire Instagram rabbit hole of your boat.

[39] Ooh.

[40] Which is madness.

[41] Now, look, I have a similar affliction, not to the degree.

[42] but what an undertaking.

[43] I have to assume you're obsessed with Hemingway.

[44] Yeah, I wouldn't quite say obsessed, but what's the word that's before that?

[45] Infatuated?

[46] No, I think that's more.

[47] Oh, really?

[48] Yeah.

[49] I think you respect it deeply.

[50] No, it's more than that.

[51] Why don't we mull over this over the next hour?

[52] Also, I want to talk to you by your seating arrangements.

[53] Talk.

[54] Let's do it.

[55] Well, maybe you talk to me because you see such contrast between the two of you.

[56] For those who don't know, is it a lazy boy?

[57] It's a hard -working lazy boy, yeah.

[58] But hang on, first of all, have you talked about this before?

[59] Am I just retreading all the ground?

[60] I don't think so, actually.

[61] You're the first person interested in the lazy boy, I think.

[62] Well, because the image I'm seeing is just quite striking.

[63] Dax is in a hard -working lazy boy.

[64] Monica's in, Monica, what are you in?

[65] This is a joy bird.

[66] And it's architectural, right?

[67] We would say it's like mid -century.

[68] It's very architectural.

[69] Art Deco.

[70] Yes.

[71] Yes.

[72] I pop on it.

[73] There's a very attractive arm.

[74] It looks like a cherry wood, maybe.

[75] Probably a laminate, but yeah.

[76] I'd call it more of a walnut.

[77] Go with it.

[78] Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

[79] No, you're right.

[80] Okay, quickly back to Hemingway.

[81] I do want a bullseys.

[82] What's between respect and obsessed?

[83] Intrigued?

[84] I am definitely intrigued by him.

[85] That's very true.

[86] I also like boats, which is partly why I bought the boat.

[87] Did you see the Ken Burns documentary that was just on about him?

[88] No, but I would love that.

[89] I love those docs.

[90] It's amazing.

[91] And also Kerry Voices, which was a bonus.

[92] But it was one of the first times where I thought there was some real insight as to who he was as a person, which I think is someone who was deeply complex.

[93] Well, can I suggest something that maybe you've already read?

[94] I recognize that he was one of the greats.

[95] My interest level is like a 6 .87.

[96] But I got obsessed with this book between he and his editor, Max Perkins.

[97] So I want to see the editor's name was Max Perkins.

[98] It's definitely Max.

[99] Very famous editor.

[100] he worked with Hemingway his whole career, he worked with Thomas Wolfe.

[101] He worked with Fitzgerald.

[102] So this guy was like the hub of all these crazy, mad literary geniuses.

[103] And you get to learn, I think.

[104] Imagine if every interaction with you and your agent was unveiled.

[105] We would learn a lot more about you than probably any interview you'll ever do.

[106] Absolutely.

[107] Well, you'd certainly glance the deep -rooted vitriol that lives inside me on a daily basis.

[108] And fear, right?

[109] I think so many early correspondence with my own agents was just like so much fear, assuming they had some keys to the kingdom they didn't have.

[110] It's part agent work, mostly therapy, really, where you're saying, why don't you fix me in my life?

[111] Why don't you tell me why I'm craving attention from strangers and approbation from people I don't know?

[112] Yes.

[113] and why do I need all this attention and why am I so jealous of everyone else and why there's a lot there I actually made an apology to one of my agents years after this agent had left the business but I called them like and we remain friends mind you but I just think through getting sober or something else I called him and I go I just want you to know that you bore the brunt of a lot of my anxiety and my fear and I so apologize for that and by the way I was pretty disappointed in my own behavior and he said oh, you're not even in the top 30.

[114] I was like, oh, my, wow.

[115] Oh, my God.

[116] It's like 10, you'd expect, five, maybe 30s.

[117] Why did they even do that job?

[118] Well, he quit.

[119] God bless him.

[120] Greg, he's still my friend.

[121] Yeah, he was like probably 32, and he's like, you know what?

[122] I'm out.

[123] This is not for me. It's admirable.

[124] It's a strange job.

[125] It is.

[126] Now, you're not in your boat, but you are in a room.

[127] Why did you think he was obsessed with Hemingway?

[128] What about his boat?

[129] Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[130] Thank you.

[131] Thank you.

[132] I was bringing it back to the boat just now because I was like the inside paneling of his room.

[133] It makes me think he might have a general aesthetic.

[134] Yes, I do.

[135] I like to be cabin feverish wherever I go.

[136] No, we're in a rental in the Catskill Mountains at the moment, which is why there's an abundance of work.

[137] Okay, okay.

[138] That helps.

[139] Yeah.

[140] Well, three and a half years ago, I used to look at boats on websites anyway, and I would always look at boats on eBay and things.

[141] And I was on eBay one night.

[142] My son hadn't long been born.

[143] And I was a little bit drunk.

[144] And I saw a wheeler playmate for sale.

[145] And I knew enough about Hemingway to go, Hemingway had a wheel of playmate.

[146] And I knew there wasn't many left.

[147] So I looked up.

[148] There's only like four still registered.

[149] Oh, wow.

[150] And there was this old guy selling a wheel of playmate on the West Coast.

[151] And I ran into Kerry, woke her up.

[152] Well, that was smart to do when she's breastfeeding and said, I want to buy this boat.

[153] This boat needs to be restored.

[154] But I want to buy it.

[155] It's like my middle age crisis project.

[156] And she went, sure, fine.

[157] I have, like, boating friends.

[158] Two of them said, we know this amazing wooden boat shipwright.

[159] He can do it for you.

[160] So I thought, I'm set up, I can hand it over.

[161] It can be done very easily and very quickly.

[162] Sounds very turnkey right now, but I know enough.

[163] Go ahead.

[164] Sadly, it didn't work out with the shipwright.

[165] So very quickly, I found myself looking at YouTube videos of shipwriting and restoring vintage wooden boats.

[166] I had this incredible captain.

[167] She's called Captain Kelly Farwell.

[168] she had her own kind of woodboat dinner experience on the Hudson where she would cook New England food and then drive this massive old wooden mine sweepers incredible she joined me got her on board and the two of us basically restored it over three and a half years Monica you got to look at the pictures on the Instagram because there's so many faces like I'm really putting myself in your head right because I've done stupid shit like this and you see it and all you're seeing is you at sea on this thing.

[169] And I get it.

[170] And it's gloriously restored.

[171] And you're ignoring it's on the West Coast.

[172] You're like, yeah, probably going to be a little bit challenging to get that boat all the way to New York, but manageable.

[173] Oh, here's a place that'll restore it good.

[174] And then it's got to be a pain in the ass to get that boat to New York.

[175] That's got to be its own one month process.

[176] First of all, I didn't know.

[177] There's plenty of guys who haul boats across the country.

[178] Not a problem.

[179] You can find tons of them.

[180] You call them up and you say you have a 1939 wooden boat.

[181] You're like, hello, hello, and that's all I had for so long till this one guy like in a cowboy hat went, yeah, pick it up.

[182] In a semi, Monica, it has to be a semi.

[183] It's like a wide load situation.

[184] Guys going 49 miles an hour all the way from California probably.

[185] Yes, yeah, and he needs to have the air thing.

[186] I can't even remember now.

[187] So, like, it cushions the boat.

[188] Yeah, because he could hit some pothole in your Hemingway boat is now sawdust.

[189] Yes, and I talked about that with him.

[190] at length.

[191] And then I remember there was at one point, I was like, where are you?

[192] And he's like, I don't know, but there's some demonstration and people are on the road and I can't move.

[193] And I was like, I was like, this boat's never, never going to come.

[194] You got to be an agent.

[195] You were like, you got to recognize the guy's frustrated.

[196] He's hot.

[197] He's tired.

[198] And you got to get him across the finish line.

[199] Yes.

[200] And you just say, I know you're tired.

[201] I know you're tired.

[202] You've only got eight more states to go.

[203] And you've done so well up until now.

[204] And I love the pictures you've sent.

[205] Thank you so much.

[206] There were other elements to this.

[207] that I had these kind of ridiculous notions that, as you probably well know, New York is incredibly overpopulated.

[208] And we live on these kind of wild waterways.

[209] And they're kind of ignored.

[210] People just look at them or they walk across them.

[211] But it's the last part where kind of the wild meets gross urbanization to me. It's where the two meet.

[212] I had this notion that I would get this boat ready, and it would be one of the last quiet places you could immediately access.

[213] Like, you don't have to drive hours up north to get to the quiet.

[214] You can get a sense of space by being on the water.

[215] And that's what I wanted kind of rose tintedly for my son.

[216] Yes, yes.

[217] Although I'll never let him on the boat now.

[218] Okay, let's geek out for a second, because I have a similar fascination with the Hudson.

[219] A, I'm from Michigan.

[220] Everyone owns a boat.

[221] So I'm shocked that no one owns a boat in New York, because you're in between these two huge waterways.

[222] That's weird.

[223] Yeah.

[224] Two, the history.

[225] The fucking British sailed ships up the Hudson and fucking shot cannons at Battery Park.

[226] That happened?

[227] You could be standing in Manhattan and boats were blasting cannon.

[228] Really fascinating.

[229] Second big obsession of mind, John D. Rockefeller.

[230] He had this amazing place up the Hudson, and every morning he'd get on a steam -powered boat and he'd have this beautiful breakfast and read the newspaper and start his day and he'd sometimes pick up other friends and then they would deliver them to roughly battery park.

[231] And I thought, if you're loaded, why don't you come into the city like that?

[232] Get on a boat, have breakfast, read the newspaper.

[233] Like, I agree.

[234] It feels like a superpower.

[235] If you can harness that river in New York, it's like you're the only person doing it.

[236] I know.

[237] Listen, I'm aware of how white and privileged that is.

[238] But I had this notion that are like, you could feel space again in the midst of millions.

[239] Yes.

[240] Don't you have an RV as well?

[241] Well, it's a bus.

[242] I have a 45 -foot diesel tag axle tour bus.

[243] And like you, I'm like, oh, I'm set for life.

[244] Everything hits the fan.

[245] I get in that thing and I go somewhere.

[246] I figure out whatever place it's not on fire, whatever place is not flooded, whatever the thing is, I've got a life raft in my life now.

[247] Was that the motivated for it?

[248] No, no. I've wanted one forever, my whole life, not to bore you with the details, but they don't make the big, nice buses.

[249] with bunk beds usually old people build them and live in them they don't have kids but i have two little girls so i had to have bunk beds so it's very hard to find the floor plan i wanted so i'd been looking for probably three years for this thing and it just so happened i found it in quarantine how is it to drive oh it's a dream matthew oh my goodness it's couldn't be simpler the only risk you're really running is the bus weighs like 50 000 pounds and it's crazy powerful and i tow a trailer you'll have out you have no fucking clue the thing could just drag a trailer on no wheels down the road and you as the driver would never ever know if you're not paying attention to it it could disintegrate behind you you wouldn't know that's a lot of responsibility or freedom you decide yes ignorance is bliss yeah yeah the other way to look at it's like a car you'd be all out of control this is kind of freedom it'll just keep plowing forward good for you thank you i'm glad you can recognize What percentage of people do you really think could drive it, for real?

[250] Of all the people in the country, let's say the country.

[251] Well, let's start by saying I bet more people could drive it than think they could drive it.

[252] And also, I'd put that number at under 1%.

[253] Yeah.

[254] Yeah.

[255] Yeah.

[256] How are you at captain in your boat?

[257] Once you're on the open waters, there's nothing to it.

[258] And it's twin engine, right?

[259] So you've got to learn to forward, reverse thrust and all that?

[260] I leave that to the captain.

[261] Captain Daxie, yeah.

[262] Hooper drives the vote, Chief, yeah.

[263] Okay, no, but back to the project.

[264] So, Monica, as you will go through tonight on Instagram, as you're laying in bed and feeling spunky, this is a great outlet.

[265] You look at that picture of you, Matt Damon, again, and you go, God, damn, I can't believe he came in.

[266] Right.

[267] Well, yeah, after she stares at that for 30 minutes.

[268] Yeah, my nightly ritual.

[269] Just his arms alone, his arms alone in that picture.

[270] I found myself staring at them.

[271] Right.

[272] He's like, dear God, look at his arm.

[273] He still looks tip -top.

[274] Dreaming.

[275] Let's gossip for half a second, Matthew.

[276] You don't know what Matt Damon you're going to get because he's such an incredible character actor.

[277] He's often playing like pudgy or bloated or frumpy.

[278] It's very admirable, but you don't know what one you're going to get.

[279] And this motherfucker walked in here, and it's like he walked off the set of Goodwill Hunt.

[280] He looked like he was 28 years old.

[281] He was down to probably 8 % body fat.

[282] It was incredible.

[283] I would have loved him regardless, but he did it for me. Peak shape.

[284] It's great.

[285] Is it still water?

[286] Is that the name of the movie?

[287] It's legitimately great.

[288] He's incredible.

[289] Yeah.

[290] You'll love it.

[291] You'll love it because you're an actor's actor.

[292] I'm looking forward to that.

[293] He's one of those where he comes on screen.

[294] You go, oh, we're okay now.

[295] Yes.

[296] Yes.

[297] He makes you feel safe.

[298] That's a great way.

[299] So consistent.

[300] We're okay now.

[301] Yes.

[302] Even in contagion.

[303] Whole world's fucking unraveling.

[304] You're like, it's okay.

[305] I'm easier.

[306] But you go, yeah, it's okay.

[307] Matt Damon's here.

[308] I just got to wrap up your boat thing.

[309] So, Monica, it literally, he's stripping fucking 70 years of pain off the side.

[310] And it's so encouraging, right?

[311] Like, I was watching it because it's in order timeline -wise.

[312] So when you take off the top layer and you expose the wood under there and all those great little dolls, I guess, that were put in in place of rivets or whatever, it's gorgeous.

[313] And you're thinking to yourself, I found a diamond in the rough.

[314] because the top is gorgeous but then as you get down in the lower thing I'm like oh that's a lot of rot oh what are they putting between everything oh and I was like oh fuck after you've already been sanding for God knows what a year and you're so encouraged then you get to the bottom and it's just fucking mush yeah yeah it's like a Billsbury doughboy underneath it you can put your finger in some of that wet wood and you're like I don't know if this is going to hold up we might need to replace this bit And prioritizing probably better that the bottom of the boats are watertight and not the top looking gorgeous.

[315] Yes, it's all starts making sense.

[316] You're like, oh, right, that's why it's rotten because it's in water.

[317] Anyways, they clearly put 10 ,000 man hours into this personally, and the boat is fucking gorgeous.

[318] I love this.

[319] And they rent it out if you're in New York City, you can charter it and have dinner on the boat.

[320] Fine.

[321] It looks really cool.

[322] It's called Movable Feast, something.

[323] Yes, Movable Feast, N .Y is the website, yes.

[324] Hemingway, when he was looking for a boat, the story behind that in itself is incredible when Esquire was established and they went to Hemingway, they said, wouldn't we be the first contributor?

[325] And he's like, I want to buy a boat.

[326] So if you put the 50 % down payment on the boat, I'll give you an article.

[327] And Esquire went, yes, and they still have the deeds to half of his boat.

[328] They still have the paperwork.

[329] No way.

[330] I know.

[331] But Hemingway came to Brooklyn because he's like, Like, there's this family in Brooklyn called the Wheeler family.

[332] The wheelers were kind of like trying to make Cadillacs of the sea for the everyday man, basically.

[333] There was another part of me that thought, you know what, we're kind of restoring a piece of Brooklyn history that I want people to experience again.

[334] So, yes, I like to think they kind of, you charted a little bit of Brooklyn history.

[335] Yeah, I love that.

[336] It's not just a white piece of fiberglass.

[337] Okay, so on that boat you speak of, he went down and there was a national fishing tournament every year in Cuba.

[338] it was the most popular thing in Cuba and he went down in that really nice boat and he caught the biggest Marlin and the papers kind of turned on him they were like oh this Northerner with this really fancy boat he came and the second place guy was a Cuban guy and so his response to that was to take out an ad in that paper saying I will be boxing men for four hours on this day and anyone that can beat me can have my Marlin and have the prize money and he went and fought four or five gentlemen in a row Monica.

[339] Oh, my.

[340] And he kept that fucking Marlin and that money.

[341] I mean, again...

[342] You know what happened for real when you were telling that story?

[343] You went...

[344] I zoned out.

[345] Okay.

[346] Just like I do when I'm reading his work.

[347] I am not a fan.

[348] But it was the...

[349] It's kind of interesting.

[350] Like, I just clearly can't take in any info.

[351] He's kind of a boy's...

[352] About or from him.

[353] It's kind of a boy's boys' boys.

[354] And you know, he killed himself.

[355] It's a tragic story of mental health.

[356] He really wrestled with it.

[357] He was clearly a functional alcoholic.

[358] His own father killed himself the same way.

[359] Is it the whole machismo thing that puts you off, Monica?

[360] Machismo.

[361] How did you say in this country?

[362] Machismo here.

[363] Machismo, yeah.

[364] Are you using the Estonian pronunciation?

[365] Yes, maschismo.

[366] No, no, it's just far too boring.

[367] I find it incredibly boring.

[368] I think that's a fair observation, especially if you don't get to the meat, because really what it does is it kind of lulls you into this weird voice, and it's slow and consistent and blah, blah, blah, and then the thing happens.

[369] It's always, like, really heroic in that way.

[370] But, you know, you have to read that in school.

[371] So it, like, translates in my head to something I had to do that I hated.

[372] I really hated it.

[373] Yeah.

[374] I'm going to cut all this out because I know everyone doesn't like it.

[375] No, I think he's kind of.

[376] He's popular to dislife.

[377] He's weird.

[378] He's like mixed messages because he's, by all accounts, the manliest man to ever live.

[379] And he's in World War I. He hunts big game in Africa.

[380] He's alone at sea.

[381] He fishes.

[382] He boxes.

[383] He's an alcoholic.

[384] All this stuff.

[385] Yet underneath we go, this guy's a prolific artist.

[386] That's fascinating.

[387] Therein lies some of the masculinity or something.

[388] Like, that's why he's intriguing to me, right?

[389] Well, me too, because it's the overall.

[390] overt masculinity.

[391] Like, whoa, what are you hiding there?

[392] Yeah.

[393] You also love cats.

[394] You don't shout about that too much.

[395] Right, I don't have any books about cats.

[396] No, but he loved cats.

[397] So I'm fascinated by how overt he was and like, you know, I'll fight anyone for this Martin.

[398] And he's like, what, what's that about?

[399] Yeah, compensation for something.

[400] I think my posthumous psychoanalization of him would be, he was a guy who was incredibly sensitive and fearful and open and ashamed of that and compensating in all these other ways like so to me it's a wonderful kind of just full story of masculinity especially in that era I can relate like I had to do all this shit fucking ride motorcycles jump shit race things fight guys fuck drink too much do too much drinks also I could tell you I'm scared I was molested I've been victimized like I felt like I had to earn it all just to get to a point where I can start being honest with you that I'm fearful of everything.

[401] So I just really relate.

[402] Yeah.

[403] There's also a man who's dressed in girls' clothing as a young boy.

[404] Sure.

[405] That's true.

[406] Okay.

[407] Let's talk about whales for a second because I am embarrassingly ignorant on the history of whales.

[408] I think Monica and I both have our full knowledge.

[409] The place.

[410] The place.

[411] Not the animals.

[412] Oh, not the animals.

[413] Not the mammal.

[414] That would be too close to what we were just talking about.

[415] Very similar.

[416] In fact, I know a ton about whales, the mammals.

[417] So just I don't know any I don't think about Wales in the country, but I'm good on Wales.

[418] So I think Monica and I probably have the same shared total knowledge of Wales, which is at one point, Prince Charles had to go there and learn the language and make a speech in the language.

[419] He is the Prince of Wales.

[420] And in the Crown, they sent him there to learn to speak Welsh so that he could actually make a speech in Welsh.

[421] And I don't know up until that moment if I knew that Welsh people had their own language.

[422] I'm so embarrassed to admit that, but here we are.

[423] Did you know?

[424] I mean, I've heard the term Welsh, but I guess I thought it was like Latin.

[425] Like, yeah, a couple hundred years ago, people spoke Welsh.

[426] Did you know the Scots and the Irish have their own language?

[427] Yes.

[428] There's not any movies about the Welsh.

[429] Like, we've got Braveheart.

[430] We've got Roy Rogers.

[431] Roy Rogers.

[432] Roy Rogers, the first Scottish cowboy.

[433] Yeah.

[434] Great cowboy.

[435] So I know it's a lot to ask you, but why don't we know anything about where?

[436] I mean, I guess I take tons of responsibility, but also.

[437] maybe there's no movies.

[438] Do you feel underrepresented in the United Kingdom?

[439] Oh, yeah.

[440] Yeah.

[441] Oh, my God.

[442] Yes.

[443] Yeah.

[444] We're the cousin that was kept in the attic.

[445] There's the English callers.

[446] What I enjoyed, the Ryder Cup was in Wales, I can't remember, like 10 years ago, and all the references, the American references, like, Wales is the size of Connecticut, but the population of Pittsburgh, you know, it was like, is all that is like...

[447] You put it in American for us.

[448] Yeah, yeah.

[449] But also, it's like, growing up, in Wales.

[450] It was always like, the newsreader will be saying this in English, right?

[451] Swaths of the Amazon are being cut down the size of Wales.

[452] You're like, you're always a reference for something not quite big enough, but sort of relatively small.

[453] Can I make a parallel?

[454] You're the Rhode Island of the UK.

[455] Because that's also, I was at a military base not long ago and they're like, this size of Rhode Island.

[456] I'm like, that's huge.

[457] And I'm like, I have no fucking clue how big Rhode Island is.

[458] Is it nine miles long?

[459] I might get a T -shirts just saying, Wales, the Rhode Island of the UK.

[460] But would it be patronizing to ask you to describe how pretty Monica looks in Welsh?

[461] I would just love to hear how it sounds.

[462] Oh, but then I know, but I want to want to really want to know.

[463] Oh, my God.

[464] He's a good guy, you've never sounded more beautiful.

[465] I know.

[466] And I don't think he said that.

[467] I do.

[468] You do?

[469] I want to really want to know.

[470] We're doing a lot of revoke.

[471] reverse engineering on who we think you are simply based on having carry on which was a fucking party we had so much fun interviewing carrie and she brought beer she's still the only guest that's ever showed up with her own beer loves a beer she brought beer but to be just clear she's the only one that brought beer but she is not the only one that has drank beer or alcohol well many guests drank her that's right that we left the rest aid and people drank it including me that's nice So you're saying other people came to your show and said, do you have any beer?

[472] No, they just happened to be in our fridge from her.

[473] And they're like, oh, beer.

[474] And they took it.

[475] Oh, okay.

[476] And similarly, we just had Leon Bridges on.

[477] And Rob got him a really nice bottle of McClellan.

[478] What is it?

[479] McCallon.

[480] McCallon, 12 -year -old whiskey for him.

[481] So had you been here, we could be feeding you a little nectar.

[482] What did Matt Damon want?

[483] He didn't.

[484] Who was his right?

[485] He was pretty early.

[486] It was pretty early.

[487] In his defense.

[488] What would he have liked?

[489] I wonder.

[490] I bet he would have liked that McClellan.

[491] McClellan's Mac.

[492] Oh, boy.

[493] Big Mac.

[494] A tea.

[495] A very specific tea.

[496] No, he's like.

[497] Big Mac.

[498] Sam Adams, that's too on the mouth.

[499] They love a tea.

[500] Yeah, they love.

[501] Oh, yeah.

[502] They just like chucking it off the fucking boat.

[503] Yeah, that's what they're.

[504] They really like to use it as a projectile.

[505] Boats, ding, ding, ding.

[506] So, okay, now I need to catch people up egocentricly.

[507] on my experience with you.

[508] And I told Carrie it, I doubt you listen to her episode, so I'm going to tell you it.

[509] The Americans comes to us highly recommended, to the point where you're going to have to watch this show, like they'll wire, or you're not going to be in your friendship group, right?

[510] You know these shows.

[511] Well, the Americans was one of them.

[512] And we start watching it, and just, I'm going to be brutal with you, but it's total honesty.

[513] And when it first starts, I'm like, this is our spy, huh?

[514] This guy is our sexy, espionized spot.

[515] I'm being dead honest with you.

[516] This is our guy.

[517] Carrie's goddamn right.

[518] She's our spy.

[519] But you, I'm like, this is our spy, huh?

[520] You're going to keep saying it?

[521] Well, I'm dragging out what he knows is coming, which is about 40 minutes into the episode, I paused it and I turned to Kristen and I go, this motherfucker is sexy.

[522] And she goes, oh my God, I was just thinking the exact same thing.

[523] And I'm like, oh my God, this guy's got fucking rhythm.

[524] like fire coming out I was so sold by 40 minutes and then I just thought you were the sexiest most charismatic guy and I was like fuck yes this guy is our espionage hero there's nothing I can say yeah I don't that's a weird compliment to receive isn't it was probably the best one I've ever received at first it was nagging and then it turned into something real there was a lot going intrigue then obsession then infatuation wow we ran the whole we went up the ladder all the way to infatuation but anyways i became obsessed with that show like everyone else's and you are truly so unbelievable in that show holy fuck are you amazing i'm not telling you anything new you want an emmy but i have to geek out on a couple questions for you my wife and i she's also an actor so we watch things differently as i'm i'm sure you do right so there were a couple scenes in the americans where it's like you guys had your hardest conversation as a couple while both deeply undercover right so there are times in the show where you're having the most important conversation you'll have your characters will have but you're like you're in a huge afro in funky clothes and she's in god knows what and i said to my wife this is the day they got to have this conversation they're looking at each other and they probably don't even recognize each other like it's a really unique situation.

[525] Yeah, as a character?

[526] That happened several times in real life where we were having big moments in the trailer and you're looking at her dressed in the most bizarre or she's got contacts in and you're like, hey, look at me. And she goes, I am looking at you.

[527] Like, oh, we had some strange moments.

[528] Like, well, there were times like, we'd have an argument and I couldn't move my mouth because of the mustache and the beard on, I'm trying to shout and be angry and everything.

[529] And It all happened.

[530] Yeah, it's so, there was a point where it got so meta, because it's like you're already playing Russians who are living as Americans.

[531] So that's one layer.

[532] And I imagine you're even considering that when you have these big moments where it's like you and your wife are having a come to Jesus moment.

[533] But I guess for me, as the actor, I'd probably be annoying and being like, when we be doing this in Russian, I got to get over that hurdle.

[534] Yeah.

[535] No, the kids, though.

[536] But they had many, many private conversations where it got really tough.

[537] Yes, that was discussed at length with the show's creator.

[538] Like, wouldn't there be moments where we burst into Russian?

[539] Like, and he was like, yeah, well, you know, listen, I think you've dedicated yourself to not speaking Russian for years and years and years.

[540] You know how dangerous it would be to speak Russian.

[541] And also, the Russian you spoke in season one was so bad.

[542] We can't write anything in Russian for you ever again.

[543] We're like, that's fair.

[544] And that's accurate.

[545] I remember with the Russian kind of person who was helping us, we were just drilling Russian.

[546] And I was like, am I saying this right?

[547] She's like, yes, you're saying it right, but you don't sound anything like a Russian.

[548] And I was like, oh, we'll never get this.

[549] We'll just never get this.

[550] And I was like, maybe we should put a line in just for the audience to say, why it is we don't burst into Russian at a certain moment.

[551] Or like there's one moment where you sat shouting one Russian word And then, Kay, he's like, shut, don't do it.

[552] We've talked about this.

[553] You must never do that.

[554] But we never got there.

[555] So people do go, why didn't you argue in Russian?

[556] And then I just tell them what I told you.

[557] Right.

[558] So I'm just saying, you're stepping over all these realities.

[559] And now you're adding onto it.

[560] And now I'm wearing a humongous afro and big lapels.

[561] And I got to ignore that too.

[562] So I just think it was a unique test of being truthful and sincere despite a lot of distraction.

[563] And I kind of appreciated how well all that went.

[564] considering.

[565] Well, thank you for saying that.

[566] I know sometimes it gets boring when actors say this, but I attest that to the writing.

[567] It's the same happen for us.

[568] The other stuff fell away and you're just so invested in those people and what they're going through.

[569] There are moments when she walked on set looking like John Denver and you go, wow, what the fuck is this?

[570] But then you have to work through that.

[571] That was the worst one.

[572] I know, because she did, she did look like John Denver.

[573] And I struggled with that scene, but that's about the only one I did.

[574] There was one, other, the hair makeup stuff was so quick and turn around.

[575] You shoot, you know, the lighting, okay, then she walked on and I literally said, I took aside and I went, are you, I don't know if you're meant to be a boy or a guy.

[576] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[577] She's like, I'm not sure either.

[578] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[579] We've all been there.

[580] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches.

[581] sudden fevers and strange rashes.

[582] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[583] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[584] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[585] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[586] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[587] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[588] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[589] What's up, guys?

[590] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[591] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[592] Every episode, I bring on a full.

[593] friend and have a real conversation.

[594] And I don't mean just friends.

[595] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[596] The list goes on.

[597] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[598] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[599] I want to get into one moment in the show, if you don't mind.

[600] I was having these very, very visceral feelings while watching the scenes.

[601] And then I kind of opened up the conversation to Monica because I thought I pinpointed why I felt the way I did.

[602] And it wasn't the obvious.

[603] So at one point in the show, you're tasked with kind of wooing a teenager.

[604] And you're like, on the surface, this is rough for all the very obvious reasons why it's rough.

[605] But there's a scene with you guys in the kitchen and you've smoked pot and you have the munchies.

[606] And your guys are having fun.

[607] Like you're having fun.

[608] By the way, that actress is so incredible who's gone on to be incredible and a million other things.

[609] But I thought I pinpointed for me why I wanted to be.

[610] in that kitchen in that situation.

[611] It was that she helped you time travel.

[612] Like maybe that's the appeal of that thing is that you got to go back in time and smoke weed and have the munchies and be a kid.

[613] And so I found myself like really into that scene but not for the pervy reason, just for the time travel reasons.

[614] I don't know.

[615] I just want to tell you that.

[616] I'm not expecting you to give me an answer, but I was like, why do I love this so much because it's not the gross thing, But I do love this.

[617] I love the notion of being able to go have a day as a 17 -year -old again.

[618] Yeah.

[619] I'm slightly overwhelmed by the depth of your perception because you've thought about it far more than I did.

[620] But I think you're right.

[621] Because in some of the flashbacks, you see how they lost their youth to what they had to do.

[622] Yes.

[623] He never had a youth, let alone an American youth.

[624] And you're absolutely right and beautifully put.

[625] It was that.

[626] There were such few times where that was evident or allowed for them as well.

[627] Yeah, to just have.

[628] have carefree fun.

[629] It looked like such a reprieve from your fucking life.

[630] Yeah.

[631] That's what when we had Esther Perel on the first time, she talks about affairs and that it's not really about your partner, it's about you, what is it?

[632] Like, she said it's, you're not necessarily cheating on your spouse with another person as much as you're cheating on your spouse with the other version of yourself that you miss. Yeah, you're clicking back into an old part of yourself.

[633] Yeah, and I was like, Oh, God, that sums it up in a way.

[634] I have a lot of compassion for it.

[635] It's like, yeah, we say goodbye to some parts of ourselves as we take on more responsibility and all that.

[636] And it's all groovy, but there are, sometimes you're like, fuck, I miss me. I miss how I felt.

[637] And then this other person's a conduit to that, not that the person is that.

[638] Yes.

[639] Oh, my God.

[640] Do we have a cry?

[641] Yeah, I'm slightly affected by that statement.

[642] It's powerful, right?

[643] It is.

[644] But it reminded me. like that.

[645] That scene and that relationship was like that.

[646] It was a part of that character that he didn't have or missed.

[647] Yeah.

[648] I dug it.

[649] Yeah.

[650] And also the youth they never had, the innocence they never had.

[651] Now, we maybe share this.

[652] I could be wrong about the history of the Americans.

[653] You can correct me, but I kind of had this experience in a movie where I was in this movie.

[654] No one saw it at all.

[655] I mean, literally no one saw.

[656] What was the movie?

[657] Idiocracy.

[658] It was out for like 10 seconds at theater is at like 40 theaters and no one ever saw it.

[659] And then a few years later, people start saying to me like, hey, saw idiocry.

[660] I love it.

[661] And now it's, it's probably at its pinnacle.

[662] 16 years later, it's at its pinnacle, which is a very bizarre experience, which I love.

[663] And I wonder, was Americans a little bit like that?

[664] Like, you're like, I think I'm doing some of the best work of my life.

[665] And I think I'm one of the best shows I've ever been on.

[666] And I'm not sure if anyone's seen it yet.

[667] Yeah, it's definitely that.

[668] But like you referenced about movie.

[669] The Americans have had a lot of afterlife and continues to.

[670] Yeah.

[671] It still trickles.

[672] You still get references or people who've just seen it or finally been put onto it or got around to watching it.

[673] Yeah, who have that same experience about mainly about relationships.

[674] I always enjoy it when couples come up to us about the Americans that just the different takeaways and just how sometimes very visceral.

[675] Like, you'll just be called an asshole.

[676] You're like, all right.

[677] Yeah.

[678] God, you're lucky to have her.

[679] You're like, Are you talking about the Americans?

[680] Yeah, I hope you are.

[681] For anyone that's not seeing it, I'll say two things about it.

[682] One is, yeah, I can imagine for women, it's like the story that Carrie's going through in the 80s and what it was like to be a woman and what it was like to be a spy and what...

[683] There's so much great, amazing stuff, and mother -daughter, it's incredible.

[684] But what I always say to people is give it four episodes.

[685] I want to say it's episode five, and I'm not going to say who or what, but a bag goes over someone's head in a phone booth.

[686] And from that moment, I've never seen a show that sets a pace that it maintains for so long.

[687] I just don't know how they did it.

[688] I mean, you guys are at the eye of a storm for four seasons.

[689] Yeah, I totally agree with you.

[690] That's why I couldn't understand about how the writers maintain that.

[691] Because at any given moment, I was like, this house of cards are going to fall.

[692] And I say this, but I didn't feel like it did.

[693] No. I don't quite, still quite understand why I didn't.

[694] I'd put it up there with Sopranos as far as, just like kind of somehow managing this impossible weight in stakes and plot forever.

[695] It just always worked.

[696] Yes.

[697] So good.

[698] And I suppose if you know the consequence is going to be so big at the end, you do want to know it's just a metronome then of tempo until the inevitable.

[699] Yeah.

[700] All right.

[701] Well, I hope everyone sees it.

[702] Now, based on that, of course, you get this opportunity.

[703] I read this, the L .A. Times.

[704] What's great about you is you can consume everything you've ever put out there.

[705] in about it afternoon.

[706] Your Wikipedia, there's nothing there.

[707] I mean, there's nothing.

[708] I don't know what your parents did.

[709] I don't know a fucking thing about you.

[710] And I guess it's a congrats to you because that must have been intentional.

[711] You must not like doing press.

[712] What's great is you're still this wonderful mystery to me. Like when I read, I was like, oh, great.

[713] I'm going to find out everything about him because there's nothing really here for me. But anyways, I read the LA Times thing and come to find out that Perry Mason had been developed for Robert Donnie Jr. he and his wife susan she's a fucking beast right yes yeah and has such such take on story and tempo like she has that produces analytical brain of what makes a story work why and at what time her notes are always i'm always like how do you even know to say that it's like you and the stone bunchy scenes i'm just as shallow as a puddle because i can't get a sniff of half of things you're getting from this she's incorrect she's a mind we have to start by going she's a woman that looked at Robert Downey Jr. and said, yeah, I can handle that.

[714] How long was he in jail?

[715] Where's he?

[716] What's it?

[717] Yeah, yeah.

[718] No problem.

[719] And now they're this Tour de Force production team.

[720] Yeah.

[721] So it was developed for Downey and then for all the many reasons people don't end up doing stuff and then you were immediately in their mind.

[722] And I don't know that I would have ever put you guys together thematically.

[723] But once it was proposed that way, I was like, oh, yes, I see a ton of the Downey thing with you, which I hope you take as a compliment.

[724] It's so weird that someone can be so sparkly and yet have so much pathos and all the other stuff you would want.

[725] It's pretty wild combo.

[726] And I think you very much have that as well.

[727] Have you seen, yeah, have you seen him in Chaplin?

[728] It's crazy.

[729] That still haunts me, because I remember watching that in a cinema at a young age going, oh, I'll fucking give up now.

[730] What's the point?

[731] If you can't do that, there's no point.

[732] And if someone's set that bar, don't even try jumping.

[733] You're absolutely right.

[734] If you were a long jumper, the Olympics are out right now, so let's put it in that world.

[735] And you saw that someone jumped 22 meters in the standing long jump.

[736] And your best was 10.

[737] You wouldn't go into it.

[738] But lo and behold, the nature of our business is 10 might win the Olympics when it's your time.

[739] I know.

[740] You go, you know what?

[741] I know I've only jumped 10, but I'm going to have a go.

[742] I'm still going to try to go in the Olympics.

[743] Yeah, but sir, Robert Downey just jumped 18 meters.

[744] Yeah, but I'm still going to do it.

[745] I know.

[746] Actually, him and Chaplin was a real kind of moment where you go, oh, I don't know if I should.

[747] Yeah.

[748] So when you got that role, that wasn't the first time you didn't have to audition, is it?

[749] Or just maybe of a lead role?

[750] I would say almost one of the only times.

[751] I wonder if we shared this at all.

[752] So my dream was just to get offered shit.

[753] But then the times I got offered stuff and I didn't audition, I realized I would show up to set in about three days before I would go, I have no fucking clue who I'm playing because I wasn't forced to figure that out during the audition process and now I'm pretty nervous they hired the wrong person Yeah, you only do the work in the audition That's what the work is done Virtually What'd you get the part?

[754] Just spend the money And congratulate yourself By old boats that shouldn't be restored Yeah It is so lovely but there's some weird mental thing about having not gone over that hurdle Before you start for me There is, but with Mason It kind of got into my head a bit because because it was meant for Robert.

[755] Yeah.

[756] I just was overwhelmed with pressure and fear.

[757] Because then they're like, HBO like, oh, well, if it's not Robin as him, he needs to be the same as Robert.

[758] Sure, sure.

[759] Or better.

[760] And you go, well, that's not how it works.

[761] I'm here by default.

[762] It's a default process.

[763] He can't do it.

[764] So by default, I do it.

[765] So you'll get a defaulted performance.

[766] This is so great because, of course, you think those things and everyone thinks those things.

[767] And then you remember, acting's as much about the fingerprint of who's doing it as it is about any particular skill.

[768] So yeah, you probably wouldn't do as good doing chaplain as he did.

[769] I certainly wouldn't.

[770] He couldn't have been in the Americans the way you are.

[771] So that's fascinating.

[772] He probably could.

[773] No. No, it would be totally different.

[774] I don't think so.

[775] It would be good, but different.

[776] We're getting sidetracked.

[777] This isn't about Downey.

[778] This is about you, of course.

[779] So I have seen the show and I absolutely think you're fucking, again, so fantastic.

[780] in it.

[781] And you guys are doing a second season?

[782] Yes, sometime.

[783] It keeps getting delayed for various reasons, many reasons, the most obvious that we're all fighting.

[784] So yes, we were supposed to be shooting, but it keeps getting pushed and pushed and pushed.

[785] So we are hoping to go before long.

[786] Do you like having to come out here to work?

[787] I do.

[788] I love L .A. I lived in L .A. for like six, seven years.

[789] I love it.

[790] It's still incredibly exotic to me because growing up, you'd see images, you know, of everything that I associated with film and television, you would see images of L .A. And you'd kind of go, I want to go there.

[791] And then you go, and you go, I'm in L .A. It still has that.

[792] When I come into land, I still look out the window, go, there's L .A. It's bizarre.

[793] I totally agree.

[794] I was on the show, Parenthood, and I went to Universal every single day for six years.

[795] In every single time the gate opened in my head, I heard, da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da.

[796] And I was like, I can't believe I'm driving onto a Hollywood set.

[797] It's never left me. Yeah.

[798] I had that on Mason.

[799] We shot so much on Paramount.

[800] On every sound stage, it tells you what's shot there.

[801] Yeah.

[802] So you're just like, Wizard of Oz, Godfather.

[803] You're like, oh my God.

[804] Yeah, just adds to the nerves.

[805] But it's incredible.

[806] It is, especially coming from Wales, which may or may not be the exact same size as Rhode Island.

[807] You've worked really just consistently, at least from the outside and what little exists about you.

[808] It seems like you've really just worked consistently the whole time you've been doing this.

[809] Is that fair?

[810] Like you got in to the Royal Academy.

[811] Did that seem improbable when that happened to you?

[812] Yes and no, because strangely enough, a good friend of mine who's a year older than me, as we were growing up, doing our kind of drama classes and workshops and all the rest of it, he said, I'm going to apply to the Royal Academy.

[813] And I was like, what?

[814] You can't do that?

[815] Welsh people don't go to the Royal Academy?

[816] Only Tony Hopkins goes to the Royal Academy.

[817] And then he got in.

[818] And then he was like, oh my God, maybe I could get in.

[819] So that was the, it buoyed me to attempt.

[820] it.

[821] And then we did.

[822] And we both, and we lived together for years.

[823] Ten years?

[824] Yeah, Yohan Griffith.

[825] And then he got a part in Titanic.

[826] And all these American actors were like, you should come to L .A. And he's like, I think I'm going to go to L .A. It's like, we can't go to L .A. Welsh people don't go to L .A. Only Tony Hopkins goes to L .A. And then we both did that.

[827] But I was always lucky enough that he was the true pioneer doing it.

[828] And there were others, Michael Sheen and Reese Sivans and all the slightly older Welsh boys who were doing it.

[829] So it became possible.

[830] And overall, it's interesting that a job comes with living in America as well.

[831] But unless you're going to drive yourself insane, you pretty much got to be here.

[832] Yes.

[833] And is that aspect of it fine?

[834] Do you love Brooklyn?

[835] You seem like a Brooklynite to me. I love Brooklyn.

[836] New York has the same exotic element that L .A. does.

[837] Because we live by the Brooklyn Bridge, and I still feel like I'm in a movie when we're going to see it.

[838] I'm like, I know how to piss out of Kerry.

[839] I sometimes talking in a Brooklyn.

[840] When I, like, going to a store, and she's like, stop.

[841] Don't do that.

[842] It drives me insane.

[843] And I was like, I know, but I just feel like I'm in a movie.

[844] It blows my mind that my son will see the Brooklyn Bridge and go, oh, we're home.

[845] I know.

[846] And I'm going, no, we're not.

[847] We're in a movie.

[848] I know.

[849] I try to tell my kids they're from Michigan, even though they're from L .A. I'm like, but you're a Michigander.

[850] Just know that.

[851] We're still visitors here.

[852] This is not real.

[853] I only found out they were called Ganders.

[854] The other day, I had a group of Michigan people on the boat.

[855] One of the ladies had a the Great Lakes tattooed on her back.

[856] Yeah, and I said, what are those?

[857] She was disgusted.

[858] Superior's bigger than Wales.

[859] Yes, yeah, that's what I'm told.

[860] That's why it's called superior.

[861] Superior to Welsh people.

[862] And then I also wonder, I've had this thought, because I have a couple English friends with American kids, and I have an American friend with an English kid.

[863] Is it trippy to look at your progeny, this thing that is an extension of you speaking in this American accent and being just an American?

[864] Is it freaky?

[865] Yeah, it is.

[866] Well, not long, six, seven years ago was taken off the endangered language list.

[867] So there's not many people who speak it.

[868] And my parents were incredibly passionate about the survival of the language.

[869] They campaigned and protested and my cousins who were arrested.

[870] You know, it was a big thing.

[871] And they were like, you have to pass on the language.

[872] Otherwise, it'll die.

[873] So I do speak to my son in Welsh.

[874] But when he replies to me in an American accent, it still blows my.

[875] mind.

[876] Yeah.

[877] It does many things to you.

[878] There is an element that kind of breaks your heart as well and can kills you.

[879] But it's par this evolution in the trailer on.

[880] I don't know this, but I'm guessing it would be very natural if the Welsh folks had a chip on their shoulder.

[881] Which they do.

[882] Yes.

[883] And so I'm from blue collar Detroit.

[884] We have a chip on our shoulder and God knows Bostonians have a real chip on their shoulder.

[885] It's a bizarre notion, but I kind of want my kids to have that same chip on their shoulder.

[886] I'm not even sure why.

[887] I guess because it's a defining part of what makes us, us.

[888] Yes.

[889] But I also think you want them to be like you or to come from you.

[890] And that's such a defining characteristic of mine is to have the chip.

[891] And I go, well, if he doesn't have the chip, how will he get on?

[892] It's like, where's his hunger?

[893] Where's his drive?

[894] Yes.

[895] How will he hate the English as much as me?

[896] Yes.

[897] And without that fuel in his tank, can he propel?

[898] And then you start questioning, like, do I need to have that to propel?

[899] That's always my battle.

[900] Like, can't I work out of joy?

[901] Can't I try to accomplish things out of love and joy?

[902] Why does it always have to be?

[903] I'm a terrible failure and you're proving everyone right.

[904] You're like, why does that have to be the thing?

[905] Because it's such a powerful incentive.

[906] It is.

[907] Like the big joke about Celtic songs, like Irish, Scots and Welsh, is like, there's only two songs.

[908] You're on the dock waving goodbye to the boat going to America, or you're on the boat waving back at the homeland.

[909] There's no joyous songs at all.

[910] We can only work from melancholy.

[911] How often do you go back?

[912] Not often enough.

[913] We're going to go to Dublin now, which is great.

[914] So my parents will come out of there.

[915] But it's been since Sam came, like once a year.

[916] I miss it.

[917] I want him to know the usual fucking paternal cliches about wanting to know the homeland and father's upbringing.

[918] What is the thing when you land in Wales and you leave the airport and you're in the car on the way to your parents' house, what are the visceral things that you're connecting to?

[919] The big joke is because when you cross over from England into Wales, it's this giant bridge.

[920] Like, it couldn't be more of an symbol.

[921] So you always wait to see the tip of the bridge and as it grows into its enormity.

[922] Usually the second, you know, wheels touch well soil, the shout goes up.

[923] So that's always something I very childishly I look forward to is that shout when we cross the bridge.

[924] Since it's on a Wikipedia, what did your parents do or do they do?

[925] Yeah, they're retired now.

[926] They're both teachers.

[927] My father was a principal.

[928] My mother was a music teacher in a blind school.

[929] Oh, wow.

[930] Oh, wow.

[931] Yeah.

[932] Monica, where are you from?

[933] Georgia.

[934] Oh, you?

[935] Yeah.

[936] What is it for you?

[937] Oh, that's a great question.

[938] Oh, do you miss it?

[939] I don't.

[940] I mean, I also get back there.

[941] So it feels nice, but I'm always feel really grateful to live in L .A. after living in the South.

[942] So I'm happy to go, like, touch back down.

[943] But I'm happy to be here very much.

[944] So the South comes with a lot of stuff I'm happy to avoid.

[945] It does have a distinct feel, though, atmospherically, I'll say.

[946] It's very similar to Michigan, in fact, in the summer.

[947] It's like very humid.

[948] And it smells like deciduous trees.

[949] There's no pine trees.

[950] Oh, yeah, storm, summer storms.

[951] That stuff's nice.

[952] I mean, it definitely, like, gets ingrained in your molecules.

[953] So, like, when it happens, even here, like, if there's a random thunderstorm, which is, like, you know, once every six years or something, you feel it.

[954] in your body when you're used to it.

[955] Yeah.

[956] That's nice.

[957] Yeah, that to me is always the funny stuff as much as it's the physical triggers that you don't even know exist.

[958] Yeah, exactly.

[959] You must hate this question, but alas, I will ask it.

[960] I think for many people still, it'll be shocked to hear you speak in your native tongue and your American accents are so varied and so fucking good.

[961] You're amazing, yeah.

[962] Do you have a specific approach to that?

[963] impersonate George Clooney.

[964] Okay, see, that's wonderful.

[965] That's what I started.

[966] Years ago, when I was auditioning for American shows, I just would listen to him.

[967] Not necessarily impersonate him, but he was my reference for a long time in E .R. And I just, I don't know why I just latched onto the way he spoke.

[968] Yeah, so that, George was a big one for me. We grew up with the American shows.

[969] As children, we would be impersonating members of the A team, Staskin Hutch.

[970] That's what you would do in your garden or in, in the playground.

[971] We weren't playing Downton Abbey, you know.

[972] We impersonated Americans from an early age.

[973] Did you have Fall Guy or Dukes of Hazard?

[974] I had a fall guy, Duke's of Hazard, AWOLF.

[975] We had them all.

[976] You and I are virtually the exact same age.

[977] You're like one month younger than me. I'm January 2nd, 75.

[978] But you look much better.

[979] No, no, I don't think so.

[980] You look years, years, but I can tell by your arms.

[981] Look at you.

[982] You're into the arms.

[983] You're like a butcher's dog.

[984] He's a man. I know, I like it.

[985] I've gotten to the point.

[986] where I embrace that I have gray and shit.

[987] I'm starting, that's happening.

[988] I'm starting to look like a middle -aged man. And I think for those of us who embrace it, we're going to be unicorns in this business.

[989] We're going to be the only ones that look not like a bloated balloon.

[990] But I do not accept the body.

[991] I can't accept it.

[992] I can't have an older man's body.

[993] I just, right now I'm still wrestling with that.

[994] I need to feel like strong and virile.

[995] But I can look like anything.

[996] I don't care about it.

[997] I need to be able to lift shit.

[998] That's all I got left.

[999] What does that come from?

[1000] Oh, hyper -masculine upbringing, no dad, all the tropes in search of masculinity, looking for approval from other male figures, and that's who I am now.

[1001] Aging is scary when things are changing and you can't lift something anymore or things start to, I mean, that's universal.

[1002] I don't think that's necessarily because of the masculinity thing.

[1003] Well, what's not universal is my response to it.

[1004] So I think, like, what is it that gets me to go work out six days a week?

[1005] There must be some other ingredient.

[1006] Wow, six days a week.

[1007] I try to.

[1008] Jesus Christ.

[1009] We're doing different things.

[1010] You're doing incredible acting work, and I'm like jumping stuff now for a living.

[1011] I just jump things and do wheelies on things.

[1012] So we're doing exactly what we're supposed to.

[1013] Wait, what are you jumping?

[1014] Well, I host Top Gear, so I jump tons of shit on Top Gear.

[1015] Holy shit.

[1016] I didn't know that.

[1017] Well, it's the American version.

[1018] That's why you wouldn't know it probably.

[1019] but when did you start doing that season one has aired on motor trend it's about to hit discovery in a second window and then we've shot season two already and then hopefully we'll do a bunch more but it's just me driving like an idiot and that's what i do now which i'll fucking love like everything they told you as a kid not to do now people love you at work for doing what a feeling wow good for you thank you have you seen that f1 series on netflix we love it drive to survive obsessed and didn't care at all about Formula One prior to that.

[1020] Nor me. And now I can't stop watching him.

[1021] Like, oh, my God.

[1022] Did you watch, Stappen's out?

[1023] Have you watched Sunday's race?

[1024] It was crazy.

[1025] It was insane.

[1026] Best race I've ever seen, other than on motorcycles.

[1027] Unreal.

[1028] Who's your guy?

[1029] Who's your guy?

[1030] This will tell us a lot about you.

[1031] To be honest, I don't have a guy because I kind of bounce around quite a lot with them.

[1032] Like, everyone dislike, well, not everyone likes.

[1033] A lot don't like Vostappen, but I think he's kind of, I like him.

[1034] Dax loves Bristapen.

[1035] I'm obsessed.

[1036] Now, I'm personal friends with Daniel Ricardo, so he's my number one.

[1037] He's our favorite.

[1038] He's our faith.

[1039] Right.

[1040] Right.

[1041] But Verstappen is an android from a planet where they drive with the consistency of a laser beam.

[1042] I don't know how he can do what he does in the car.

[1043] It's no, no. You watch the race.

[1044] He couldn't get by McSumacher, right?

[1045] And then at some point he's like, I don't give a fuck.

[1046] I'm going to fucking die right now.

[1047] I don't have the pace to pass him, but I have the willpower to pass him.

[1048] I was like, oh, he's insane.

[1049] I know there's a part of me that was a talk to and go I want to have that drink with you and see if I'm going to crack a shell or are you just am I just going to see the wires coming out of your ears?

[1050] He's basically the hemming way of Formula One and now he's my he's my true he's the name he's the next James Hunt yep yeah yeah have you seen that doco on James Hunt yes that's amazing like amazing that final race in Yokam and there was rain coming and his manager it goes, they walked into the hotel.

[1051] And he's like, listen, you have an opportunity to win this championship.

[1052] It'll be the only championship you could win.

[1053] Don't have a drink tonight.

[1054] And he goes, I won't.

[1055] I promise you.

[1056] And he said, literally, he was about to hit the W of the second, I won't.

[1057] And he said, he saw James Hunt's eyes just go.

[1058] And his manager looked across the hotel.

[1059] And it was like this cabaret singer.

[1060] And he just went, we're fucked.

[1061] The next morning he's like, I'm knocking on your door at 5 .30 a .m. He's like, yeah, fine, fine, fine, fine.

[1062] He's walking up the stairs at 5 .15 and James Hunt is coming down the stairs with the cabracing, and he's like, it's over.

[1063] Yeah, it's over.

[1064] It was in the day when they had manual gearbox, right?

[1065] And Hunt, he's winning against Nicky Lauder, right?

[1066] And the top of the handle gets popped off and flew out of his hand.

[1067] And he's like, ah, ha!

[1068] And he's got like a few laps to go.

[1069] And then he pulled his gloves off.

[1070] rammed his hand down on top of the gearbox and used his own hand as the shifter and won at Yoke Amma in the rain.

[1071] It was like, well, clearly, one of the Hemsworth boys need to play you.

[1072] Okay, now that I know about Hemingway and I know about Hunt, and we don't like Lauda, even though Lauda's like, he dedicated his life to it, he deserved to win every time.

[1073] He put in the time, he was a choir boy off.

[1074] It was his life.

[1075] And yet I'm drawn to these other people who are like juggling chaos.

[1076] Yes.

[1077] Why?

[1078] Because this is what I don't understand.

[1079] I can have half a bottle of red wine and not be able to act the next day, right?

[1080] How does Hemingway drink as much as he did and then turn out for whom the bell told?

[1081] How does James Hunt win at Yokohama on no sleep and two bottles of vodka?

[1082] How does Vastappen do it?

[1083] I'm like, how do they do it?

[1084] I've also had this great fascination with certain musicians, namely Whalen Jennings, obsessed with Whalen Jennings.

[1085] And if I'm honest about what I'm attracted to, it's that he lived like a teenage male chimpanzee, yet his art was such that everyone excused everything.

[1086] If I'm being honest about what I'm really attracted to is this notion that I could have everything, that I could live like a monster, I could be drunk and fucked up and be on drugs and break everyone's heart, but the art would be so good, everyone would look away from it.

[1087] No. Wait, I have to, so this fascination was, people who can be horrible and then people excuse it like do you think you'd feel good about yourself if that were the case well so no so that's what i was revealed about my addiction is that i could do all these other sparkly things graduate magna cum laude do these things and offer them up to everyone in my life but i had to go to sleep with me exactly that's the lesson i learned is like oh even if i could do what wayland did i don't have the personal constitution to live with all of that wreckage.

[1088] I feel personally guilty.

[1089] But it seems like a way to live with your id and your super ego all at the same time and pay no bill.

[1090] But you have to pay bail.

[1091] You do pay a bill.

[1092] You do.

[1093] You pay a personal bill.

[1094] Yeah.

[1095] Right.

[1096] Or if they know that you do it and you're still capable of what you're capable of, it's okay.

[1097] The other great example was Colin Farrell.

[1098] He was another guy I watched with great interest because I was already sober at this point.

[1099] And I was like, this guy's doing it, man. He's in Tigerland.

[1100] He's in Playboy admitting he did ecstasy and coke this weekend.

[1101] I love it.

[1102] For some reason, that's who I'm drawn to.

[1103] I'm like, oh, could you do the best work?

[1104] Could you be as good as him and do that?

[1105] I'm so good.

[1106] I can still do this and deliver the goods.

[1107] I don't necessarily think it's one of those juvenile masculine things.

[1108] There are women I've seen do it equally as well.

[1109] So I kind of reassure myself that it's not some bullshit masculine that I'm drawn to.

[1110] I'm just like, how do you do it?

[1111] I think it's all humans desire to have absolutely everything they want, period.

[1112] And then you start finding out, oh, if I have that, I can't have that.

[1113] And if I have this, I can't have that.

[1114] And you start shrinking down what the possibility is.

[1115] If you want all these things that are contradictory.

[1116] So I think, like, the fantasy is that it appears some people are getting to do all the things and paying no price for it.

[1117] But again, it comes back to, I just emotionally pay a big price, even if I quote, get away with it.

[1118] Right.

[1119] Well, Matthew, God damn it, you're as charming as I was expecting.

[1120] Oh, that's not true, but thanks for saying it.

[1121] Carrie cut my hair today, which is why I look like a monk.

[1122] If someone put a gun to my head and said, to save the world, you must join some couple's lovemaking, you'd be right on the top of the list for me, just so you know.

[1123] You wouldn't have to say the world.

[1124] you'd be welcome any day.

[1125] Oh, thank goodness.

[1126] Thank God.

[1127] Because it's going to be hard to orchestrate that, yeah, we're the whole world's at risk.

[1128] There's a knock at.

[1129] It's a knock on.

[1130] Tell him to come in.

[1131] Oh, all right.

[1132] Come on in.

[1133] Ooh, don't your arms look big.

[1134] We're going to come on your boat.

[1135] Yeah, for real.

[1136] Come.

[1137] You're welcome anytime.

[1138] A thousand percent.

[1139] We're going on your boat.

[1140] That's a guarantee.

[1141] Do it.

[1142] Let me know we're in New York.

[1143] Yeah.

[1144] It'd be a pleasure to have you aboard.

[1145] No, I just felt like such a dick.

[1146] It would be a pleasure to have you aboard.

[1147] That's what you get to say if you have a boat.

[1148] I know, and then I hate myself for saying that.

[1149] No, you earned it.

[1150] Well, listen, like Hemingway, I know a lot about your character from taking that boat from the grave to its illustrious state now.

[1151] And I say that sincerely.

[1152] I look at that Instagram, I'm like, this dude has a quality that I admire and I aim to have as well.

[1153] So maybe I learn more about you from those boat pictures than any role you've ever taken on.

[1154] I definitely learned more about myself from the boat than anything I've ever done.

[1155] You should restore like a World War II plane next.

[1156] Yeah, and cross the Atlantic in it.

[1157] Well, Matthew, great meeting you.

[1158] And I hope you win an Emmy for Perry Mason.

[1159] Thank you.

[1160] Can't wait to meet you in real life.

[1161] And we are going to be on your boat.

[1162] Glorious.

[1163] I should look forward to.

[1164] And thank you for this invitation.

[1165] I really need it.

[1166] Please tell your lovely wife, we say hi and we miss her.

[1167] I will.

[1168] She sends lots of love, by the way.

[1169] Ask if she can have her other two beers back.

[1170] Bye.

[1171] All right.

[1172] Bye, both.

[1173] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[1174] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1175] People know a lot about you because of this show, sometimes even more than you're comfortable with.

[1176] But one thing they don't know about you is you are virtually Hansel and Gretel.

[1177] Or Hansel and Gretel.

[1178] Why?

[1179] Didn't they leave breadcrumbs everywhere they went so they could follow their way back?

[1180] Yeah.

[1181] So you leave little hairs.

[1182] Well, not little, big, long, beautiful black hairs in your wake.

[1183] Like a pixie, I guess.

[1184] It's your version of pixie dust.

[1185] Oh, a fairy.

[1186] Yeah, it's kind of just floating off your hair and catching the wind.

[1187] I have a lot of it.

[1188] Yeah, it's everywhere.

[1189] Mine's got a shed.

[1190] I'm sorry.

[1191] No, don't mind it at all.

[1192] But I just found some on the microphone as I just showed you.

[1193] Okay.

[1194] There was a nice long Auburn hair.

[1195] Is Auburn a word?

[1196] Yeah, but it means brown, so I don't have a Auburn.

[1197] Okay, nice black long.

[1198] If it was Auburn, it wasn't mine.

[1199] Ooh.

[1200] Auburn is brownish red, actually.

[1201] Oh, a hint of red.

[1202] Like a chestnut?

[1203] That's very nice.

[1204] Mahogany, a cherry?

[1205] No. Okay.

[1206] That's not.

[1207] Those don't have red.

[1208] None of those things.

[1209] All right.

[1210] How's your mood?

[1211] You were in a little bit of a bad mood yesterday.

[1212] I was in a terrible mood yesterday.

[1213] I don't know how much of it was psychosomatic.

[1214] What happened, as you know, is I woke up pretty early to research somebody because we had kind of an early interview.

[1215] And right upon rising, I was like, well, I slept for five hours and 45 minutes.

[1216] And this could be the psychosomatic part where I'm like, I'd never have a good day if I sleep.

[1217] Oh, you told yourself that story.

[1218] I don't even know that I thought it out explicitly as much as just I want eight hours.

[1219] And if I don't get it, I just feel like I'm going to be tired all day, maybe.

[1220] I was tired all day yesterday.

[1221] I ended up taking a little nap, which was nice.

[1222] But yeah, I was cranky.

[1223] It was a big day yesterday, though.

[1224] We interviewed someone really early in the morning.

[1225] Yep.

[1226] And then Aaron was here, best friend Aaron Weekly.

[1227] Yep.

[1228] And I knew, well, this is the time.

[1229] If I want to move all my exercise equipment from Carly's basement to my garage, today's the day.

[1230] Yeah.

[1231] And so I slam that in the middle of all that.

[1232] And you're talking about carrying hundreds and hundreds of pounds upstairs, putting a truck, putting out rubber mat, all this.

[1233] It became a, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a, it was a, lot of work yeah and then we had a second interview but that one was really so fun that it kind of as you recall i was in a great mood afterwards yeah it booed you it fooied booyed oh booed me yeah i like that i mostly got excited because you had gotten so excited i think we can tell people your clothes exploded during the interview which i didn't think was atomically possible but here we are we're mid interview very sexy guest for I'm sure.

[1234] Totally warranted.

[1235] And I glance over to my right, because it's on Zoom, and I see Monica's full brassiere.

[1236] No, not full.

[1237] Okay, 30 % of your right bazaer, your third love.

[1238] I saw a black hanging out.

[1239] I was like, whoa, what happened?

[1240] And she had had it buttoned up to a level where you would have never seen the bazaar.

[1241] And then somehow one of the buttons just exploded during this interview.

[1242] And you're, I mean, you're full cleavage as much as one can have.

[1243] I didn't realize.

[1244] You didn't know it.

[1245] And to be fair, it was a very loose shirt.

[1246] It's not like a tight shirt where it would easily pop open.

[1247] I have no idea how or why that happened.

[1248] I wish we'd recorded it so I could replay the tape to see if you dropped a button like subconsciously.

[1249] You just like.

[1250] No, I didn't.

[1251] Okay.

[1252] So first we were like, wow, your shirt exploded during that interview, which was exciting.

[1253] Sure.

[1254] And then I think Ruthie discovered that you had a huge hole in your crotch in your pants later in the day.

[1255] So we're like, holy shit, your crotch blew out, too?

[1256] You're like, that was not there this morning.

[1257] So it definitely happened in the interview.

[1258] Well, it happened at some point during the day, potentially during the interview.

[1259] Well, if other items of your clothing were rebelling.

[1260] I mean, context clues would tell us that it did happen during that interview.

[1261] And also a very loose pant.

[1262] Incredibly.

[1263] Like, yeah.

[1264] Like, there's no reason at all.

[1265] Loose his pants, you on.

[1266] own probably.

[1267] Yeah, well, and now they're in the garbage.

[1268] Oh, you pitched them?

[1269] Yeah, I had to.

[1270] It was a big hole, huge hole in the crap.

[1271] And too, too flimsy to sew back together.

[1272] It's not your style.

[1273] Yeah.

[1274] Anyways, certainly this is the first guest that's made your clothes explode.

[1275] And that's exciting as hell.

[1276] I hope he feels so proud of himself.

[1277] It was unexpected.

[1278] Totally.

[1279] For all of us.

[1280] I wonder how hip to it he was.

[1281] I wonder about the shirt at what point in the interview that happened and if he noticed the shift.

[1282] We have the Zoom video.

[1283] We're not going to watch that.

[1284] Oh, the video is recorded.

[1285] Yeah, yeah.

[1286] Oh, okay.

[1287] Well, that might be worth me going through to find out the exact moment that your shirt exploded.

[1288] The timestamp.

[1289] And I wonder if we can see your pants exploding.

[1290] Like, you might have missed it, but maybe it's visible on the replay.

[1291] Maybe.

[1292] Play the tapes.

[1293] Anyways, that was really novel.

[1294] That's about as novel as it gets.

[1295] You're both your upper and lower wardrobe exploding because of some.

[1296] someone's smile?

[1297] Well, the smile was outrageous.

[1298] It was outrageous.

[1299] In the way the guest handled his smile, which is he starts, there's no smile.

[1300] You almost wonder if he's grumpy.

[1301] Yeah, sure.

[1302] Or he doesn't like us or whatever.

[1303] Yeah.

[1304] And then, man, he bangs that smile at you.

[1305] It comes out.

[1306] It's a pop -out.

[1307] It is.

[1308] It's a huge pop -out.

[1309] Sometimes pop -outs do.

[1310] Make your clothes bounce off.

[1311] They do.

[1312] Yeah, pop off.

[1313] That was enough to get me out of my bad mood.

[1314] Because you were so excited.

[1315] Your clothes were exploding.

[1316] You left in your deep in your fantasy world, which is always fun to watch.

[1317] Sure.

[1318] It was kind of a bummer because there was a plan yesterday night that was supposed to happen where we were supposed to have another one of our guests.

[1319] Daniel Ricardo, we'll just say it.

[1320] Danny was supposed to come over for dinner because he's in town because they're on break.

[1321] Yeah.

[1322] He had some sniffles.

[1323] Or so he claims in the morning.

[1324] And so he was being responsible.

[1325] He didn't want to risk getting any of us sick or he hadn't yet been tested to see if, you know, Delta, whatever.

[1326] It was a smart move.

[1327] It was a safe move, but it was a sad move.

[1328] Not to our liking because we were going to all have dinner and Monica was going to wear a certain outfit and it was going to be, and with any luck, that outfit would have disintegrated.

[1329] Yeah, exploded.

[1330] Now that we know it's possible, it might have happened.

[1331] Oh, my God.

[1332] This could be its own reality show where you meet people.

[1333] It's almost a contestant show.

[1334] Who can make your clothes explode off?

[1335] Holy shit.

[1336] Maybe that'll be an episode of Monica and Jess, season two.

[1337] Oh, yeah.

[1338] Yeah, or that could be a test that someone has to.

[1339] Do you have all the toothpicks with you?

[1340] Yeah, you want one?

[1341] Yeah, can I have one?

[1342] I don't have my nicotine toothpicks.

[1343] Of course.

[1344] I would like to update the armcharies who are maybe, were concerned when I was vaping and dipping.

[1345] I just want to say, it's not a brag.

[1346] I'm not making a claim that I won't fuck up again, but currently I'm off vapes for almost two months and off dip for a month.

[1347] Big, big, big congrats.

[1348] And then what I do in place of that, of course, is I got to pick something else up.

[1349] So now I'm back addicted to toothpicks.

[1350] Yeah, but we like this addiction much more.

[1351] Yeah, other than I inadvertently leave toothpicks everywhere.

[1352] Like, if you walk around my house, now there's toothpicks everywhere, which is terrible.

[1353] And I chew on them until they start disintegrating again, like my clothes everywhere.

[1354] And then so I just have like tiny shards of, yeah, of toothpick, of wood.

[1355] And then I just leave them on the couch.

[1356] You pick them out and throw them anywhere.

[1357] Yeah.

[1358] Yeah.

[1359] I have it in my head that they're organic because they're just a piece of.

[1360] wood.

[1361] So like anywhere I'm at in real life, I just pitch them on the ground.

[1362] Not in, not in the house, but like out in the yard in the driveway.

[1363] Let's throw them in the ground.

[1364] They're going to disintegrate in my mind.

[1365] This is the only addiction that me and you share or like what we call it addiction, but you know, like a habit that we share.

[1366] A vice.

[1367] Yeah.

[1368] And to be clear, these toothpicks don't have nicotine.

[1369] They have tea tree oil.

[1370] The ones that Monica's on that I'm now imbibing Yeah, but you also like the nicotine toothpicks.

[1371] I love them.

[1372] They're awesome.

[1373] You love them.

[1374] But I don't do dip and I don't do nicotine mints and I don't vape.

[1375] Right.

[1376] You don't do any nicotine.

[1377] Correct.

[1378] But we share so many other addictions.

[1379] Of course.

[1380] But I just mean, like, you know, other people connect with you.

[1381] They're like, can I have that spray?

[1382] Can I have a mint?

[1383] Can I have this?

[1384] Like, everyone's doing that.

[1385] Like, pass me that vape.

[1386] And I don't have that with anyone.

[1387] But now I have it with the toothpicks in you.

[1388] And I'm just grateful.

[1389] Me too.

[1390] Yeah, the fact that I could bum a toothpick off of you right now is awesome.

[1391] Although you were previously addicted to toothpicks the last time I was addicted to toothpicks as well.

[1392] But we weren't friends then.

[1393] Yeah, we were.

[1394] We were just brand new friends.

[1395] Okay.

[1396] Okay, so you had a bad day, but now you're better.

[1397] Yep, is -ish.

[1398] Uh -oh.

[1399] Tell us about it.

[1400] I hate when I are grievances on here.

[1401] Well, it's part of the show.

[1402] It's part of the show.

[1403] Okay.

[1404] I have reached a saturation point with emails.

[1405] tell me about it.

[1406] I can relate.

[1407] I know.

[1408] This is something you know inside now.

[1409] And there is something fundamentally flawed with the way emails work in that everyone responds.

[1410] They respond.

[1411] They respond.

[1412] At a certain point, I open these emails.

[1413] I don't know where the new text is.

[1414] Like, I don't even know what is new about this email.

[1415] There's 75 replies.

[1416] I don't, none of it applies to me most the time.

[1417] So I'm trying to figure out like, what is my role in this?

[1418] Is someone asked me to do something?

[1419] And it's, but I have like 30 chains open on my email right now with replies from all these people.

[1420] And I don't know if I'm dropping the ball on any of these.

[1421] And it's just, it's overwhelming.

[1422] I couldn't possibly read all these email.

[1423] Um, I could.

[1424] I don't.

[1425] Right.

[1426] I'm not going to.

[1427] But see, okay, this is where things get a teeny bit tricky, I'll say.

[1428] Tell me. Because with Kristen as well, the job of the people around.

[1429] you too is to not have you have emails for no reason for you to have emails in your inbox that you do need to respond to right and not be inundated with all those other crap yeah now you like being involved yeah i don't have an assistant like it's as simple as that yeah but you also just like being involved yes i do so like for hello bello if you then aren't on an email if they name a product and i don't i'm not aware of it then i flip out or yeah other things things like that.

[1430] So I think for them, it's like, well, now we just have to include him on every single thing.

[1431] I couldn't agree more.

[1432] It's no one's fault.

[1433] None of this is fault.

[1434] No, I don't.

[1435] It's hard for people to know what things I think I need to be involved with and what I, that's impossible.

[1436] That's why I don't have an assistant, to be honest, because I don't think I could even give marching orders to somebody.

[1437] Yeah.

[1438] There are solutions, but also emails sucks.

[1439] Yeah.

[1440] Anywho, why do you even bring that up?

[1441] Oh, just today, the emails, you know, I just have several people in my life right now that are trying to get some resolution to something that I'm not as invested as they are.

[1442] Oh, just respond plainly.

[1443] So sorry, I'm just not that available on email and I'm just super busy right now.

[1444] Period.

[1445] The end.

[1446] That's okay.

[1447] I know.

[1448] I just, I'm a, I'm a codependent.

[1449] It's hard for me to do that.

[1450] It's interesting to me that that is the case for you because I don't think you're like that with people you actually are close to.

[1451] I don't think you have a problem in that way.

[1452] No, no, no, totally false.

[1453] I, for 10 days now, an hour of my day is ruined with the idea that I don't know what to get you for your birthday.

[1454] Oh my God.

[1455] Literally.

[1456] Well, get that off of your fucking plate.

[1457] That's what's happening.

[1458] And there's nothing you can tell me to alleviate it.

[1459] I'm smart enough to go like, oh, Monica's really thoughtful and she gives great gifts.

[1460] And of course, I should reciprocate and I can't think of anything that's not just me just buying a gift for the sake of doing it.

[1461] So every day for about an hour in my subconscious, I'm like going through, what did I hear her say that?

[1462] And it's building to this terrible thing where I'm going to not have anything of any real value to you and it's going to ruin your birthday.

[1463] She loves gift cards.

[1464] I was going to say, ask Rob, he's really good at giving gifts money.

[1465] Rob is incredible.

[1466] It was Rob's birthday.

[1467] I was fucking all wound up about.

[1468] Okay.

[1469] Just relax.

[1470] Relax.

[1471] This is not.

[1472] On my birthday, it's going to be annoying for me if my birthday is on the list of things.

[1473] Like that, no, just don't worry.

[1474] You don't need to get me anything.

[1475] I just had a 25 minute conversation with Kristen about it.

[1476] I think she already nailed it.

[1477] So great.

[1478] You can just ride on that.

[1479] I don't want to, because it's a cop out to say you guys are good at it and I'm bad at it.

[1480] But also, you guys are good at it and I'm not good at it.

[1481] It's not even being good at it.

[1482] This is the difference.

[1483] I get joy.

[1484] out of it.

[1485] It's not even that I'm good at it.

[1486] It's like I really like the hunt, the figuring it out, having something special.

[1487] Like all I clocked this last year was that Matt likes pecan pie and I wrote it in my calendar for six months later buy him a pecan pie and his birthday.

[1488] If I don't do it like that where I hear it and even though it's six months out I write that down ahead of time, I don't know.

[1489] You don't have to get me anything.

[1490] Okay.

[1491] Now I'm annoyed.

[1492] Yeah.

[1493] Now you're grumpy.

[1494] I'm just kidding.

[1495] I'm kidding.

[1496] Do you ever do this?

[1497] Stick it in your teeth?

[1498] Love to.

[1499] Yeah.

[1500] Yeah.

[1501] And just let it hang.

[1502] Absolutely.

[1503] Yeah.

[1504] It feels really good going like the way it pushes against your gums.

[1505] Yeah, it's nice.

[1506] We are inserting our toothpicks in between our two front teeth.

[1507] Yeah.

[1508] And now I've done my other two.

[1509] Oh my God.

[1510] That's kind of weird.

[1511] I like it.

[1512] Mine's too tight.

[1513] Yeah, you have tight teeth.

[1514] I have tight gums.

[1515] That's good.

[1516] I don't floss.

[1517] You guys ready to peep.

[1518] This will probably start a whole new fucking celebrity thing.

[1519] I don't floss because when I floss, nothing is in my teeth.

[1520] And then when I go to the dentist, they think I floss all the time.

[1521] So I'm like, oh, I just have tight teeth and I don't need to do that.

[1522] I know.

[1523] You say you have tight teeth.

[1524] Here's the thing that we've talked about this before.

[1525] Okay.

[1526] And it's not so much about getting stuff out.

[1527] It's about your gums.

[1528] No, I know.

[1529] It's to get the gunk between your teeth out so it doesn't infect your gums.

[1530] But it's also like the massaging of the gums.

[1531] Like getting, yeah, it is.

[1532] Okay.

[1533] Oh, my God.

[1534] I'm a periodontist.

[1535] Do you know this about me?

[1536] I'm an armchair periodontist.

[1537] All right.

[1538] I guess I'll get into some facts.

[1539] Okay.

[1540] Is Hemingway's editor named Max Perkins?

[1541] Yes, Maxwell Perkins.

[1542] Yay.

[1543] The actress that he had to woo in the Americans who was a young girl.

[1544] Oh, yeah.

[1545] Her name is Julia Gardner.

[1546] Julia Gardner.

[1547] We never called that out very specifically, but she was in Ozark as well.

[1548] I think won an Emmy for it.

[1549] She's the best part Ozark.

[1550] She's phenomenal.

[1551] phenomenal.

[1552] How big is Rhode Island?

[1553] Who cares?

[1554] No. I'm teasing.

[1555] Even when I brought up that example, I was very nervous.

[1556] I was offending everyone in Rhode Island.

[1557] It's small.

[1558] It's 1 ,214 square miles.

[1559] That could be as small as 10 miles by 100 miles.

[1560] It's pretty small.

[1561] That's very small.

[1562] It could also be 20 miles by 50 miles.

[1563] Ooh.

[1564] Okay.

[1565] And then Wales is actually much bigger than Rhode Island.

[1566] I'm not giving it enough credit.

[1567] It's 8 ,06.

[1568] miles square and the other one was a thousand yeah okay almost eight times as much but if it's 80 miles wide it only have to be 100 miles long oh wow that's still small it's still small it's still small like 80 by 100 no state is 80 by 100 I mean Rhode Island is obviously 80 by 10 or whatever the fuck we decided 100 is much smaller we just have to be careful to the people of whales it's not really fair to make that equivalency.

[1569] We've got a lot of apologies to make, Rhode Island and Wales.

[1570] We're so sorry.

[1571] Also, bigger's not better, but it is.

[1572] No, it's not.

[1573] Small is great.

[1574] Hello, I'm miniature.

[1575] That's true.

[1576] Hello, I'm miniature.

[1577] That should be the name of your autobiography.

[1578] Hello, I'm miniature.

[1579] Okay, the endangered language list.

[1580] There's like 7 ,000 languages on it that are in danger.

[1581] Oh, Jesus.

[1582] Well, that tells me they're dead.

[1583] They're not endangered.

[1584] I've not heard of 7 ,000.

[1585] Have you heard of Dakota?

[1586] Of course not.

[1587] What is that?

[1588] I know.

[1589] That's why it's in danger.

[1590] Was it spoken by the Lakota?

[1591] Dakota is a language of the Dakota people.

[1592] The Dakota and other people have been called the Sioux by French and English colonists.

[1593] But each group has its own name.

[1594] Okay.

[1595] Well, that's in danger.

[1596] We got to say that.

[1597] Cree.

[1598] I think I've heard of Cree.

[1599] Okay.

[1600] Is that like an offshoot of Creel?

[1601] Cree is a First Nations language of Canada, spoken by about 120 ,000 people.

[1602] Although all varieties of Cree are related, a Cree speaker from Alberta would have difficulty understanding a Cree speaker from Quebec.

[1603] Are 5 ,000 of these 7 ,000 languages in India?

[1604] Probably.

[1605] There's so many languages there.

[1606] There's a good trillion there, right?

[1607] Uh -huh.

[1608] There are so many.

[1609] Okay, that's all.

[1610] That was everything?

[1611] Yeah.

[1612] I'm wearing cowboy boots today.

[1613] Yeah, you got a new pair of cowboy boots and you're going to live in them, I think, like an 8 -year -old for the next week.

[1614] Kristen gave them to me and I love them.

[1615] And you can't have them.

[1616] And they're for me. And they won't beat you.

[1617] It wasn't even her birthday gift, but it was a good gift.

[1618] I wish I would have thought of it.

[1619] I would have never thought you wanted cowboy boots.

[1620] But look how cute they are.

[1621] You don't even like camo.

[1622] You're wearing fucking cowboy boots?

[1623] Oh, cowboy boots to me are not even remotely the same as can't.

[1624] Camo is killing animals.

[1625] But it's not to me. I know.

[1626] I know.

[1627] We have different opinions of what it means.

[1628] But cowboy boots have nothing about killing involved.

[1629] Well, other cowboys, but who cares about that?

[1630] I don't care about that.

[1631] Yeah.

[1632] All right.

[1633] Well, I love you.

[1634] Love you.

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