Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan.
[1] Want to talk to Conan?
[2] Visit teamco .com slash call Conan.
[3] Okay, let's get started.
[4] Hey, Kelvin.
[5] Say hi to Conan and Sona.
[6] Hi.
[7] Hey, Kelvin.
[8] How are you?
[9] Hi.
[10] Hi, Sona.
[11] Hi.
[12] Kelvin, nice to meet you.
[13] Yeah, absolutely.
[14] Pleasure to be here.
[15] Where are you right now, sir?
[16] I am calling you from Hay River, Northwest Territories, which is like way up in the Canadian far north, close to the Arctic, basically.
[17] Wow.
[18] Oh, wow.
[19] Wait a minute.
[20] Okay.
[21] So central, give me a longitude here.
[22] What?
[23] Are we?
[24] Alaska.
[25] So you're up near towards the west.
[26] Yeah.
[27] So it's like, oh, wait, longitude.
[28] Which one is the horizontal and which is the vertical?
[29] I'm not good at my nautical.
[30] I think longitude is the long one, right?
[31] Yeah.
[32] No, longitude is this.
[33] Longitude is up and down.
[34] Up and down.
[35] And then latitude is the cross.
[36] I never said I knew what I was talking about.
[37] Hey, Kelvin, could you excuse us for about 40 minutes?
[38] Yeah.
[39] Well, we iron out one of the basic principles of geographical navigation.
[40] You know, I was just curious if like, I know that you're very far north, but I was just trying to figure out, you know, where are you?
[41] Are you in central, you know, Canada?
[42] Which region?
[43] So, so north of Montana?
[44] Yes.
[45] And east of Alaska.
[46] Oh, longitude.
[47] Oh.
[48] This is why people tune in for this.
[49] podcast, right?
[50] It's the in -depth discussion of longitude and latitude.
[51] Well, that's what, it's like Sesame Street.
[52] Every day, there's a, there's a theme.
[53] Today's the letter M, and then we're also doing longitude and latitude.
[54] And then a thing about stranger danger towards the end, but we'll get to that.
[55] So, so Kelvin, that's cool.
[56] So you're, I mean, you're quite, tell me about this town, how remote is this town that you're in?
[57] Is it Hay River?
[58] Is that what you said?
[59] Yeah, Hay River.
[60] So Hay River, this is where I was born and raised.
[61] and it is So Northwest Territories This is like the area that I live in It is twice the size of Texas And it has 40 ,000 people Oh my God So if you want to high five someone It takes you like six hours To just find anybody, right?
[62] Yeah, usually not worth it You ever randomly see people Going through the woods with their hand up for a high five And they're just, they've been walking for nine hours To high fives anybody?
[63] Yeah, and it's just so exciting and satiating to actually get that high five.
[64] You're like, oh, that was so what's in town?
[65] Like, okay, you're in town.
[66] You want to do something fun.
[67] What are your possibilities?
[68] You're in Hay River.
[69] You want to get crazy.
[70] What are the options?
[71] Yeah, I mean, like, it's still a town.
[72] It's not as if people are spread out, you know, like, you know, four kilometers away.
[73] Like, there's 4 ,000 people who live here.
[74] Oh, if we're going to use metric, then I may have to cut this interview short.
[75] Okay.
[76] I'm sorry.
[77] I'm sorry.
[78] that, you know, I'm rapidly losing patience with you.
[79] Okay, so for, but what you're saying is so that people are, yeah, it's a town.
[80] I understand it's a town.
[81] So there's a convenience store.
[82] Is there a fast food restaurants?
[83] Are there things like that?
[84] Well, so when I grew up, I wish that there's fast food restaurants.
[85] So, like, when you're 12, all that you really want to do is just, like, be a normal kid and, like, go to McDonald's or whatever.
[86] But if you wanted to go to McDonald's, it would be a five -hour drive.
[87] No. Wait, five hours to get to a McDonald's?
[88] Pass.
[89] I don't know.
[90] The McNuggets with the sweet and sour sauce.
[91] No, I'm saying I don't, I want it to be like a minute away.
[92] No, I know, but I would still make, it's about making it.
[93] Your generation doesn't make the effort.
[94] My generation knows that a five -hour drive to McDonald's is nothing compared to what some people have to go through.
[95] Actually, my friends and I, we didn't do the five -hour drive, but we drove three hours once to go to a quiz nose and to go to Boston pizza when we were in grade 12.
[96] I'm sorry, those are not good chains.
[97] I'm sorry.
[98] You know, if I'm faced with a choice between three hours to get to the Quiznos or five hours to get to the McDonald's, I think I'm doing the extra two hours.
[99] But what if Quiznos is a sponsor of this podcast?
[100] Then I'm going to Quiznos.
[101] And I'm going to enjoy some of the best food that I've ever had in my life.
[102] Food.
[103] We don't accept any major countries.
[104] I got to be very broad here because it's not like I've dropped in on a Quiznos slightly, but food that can be digested and then excreted later, that's what I'm going to enjoy at Quiznos.
[105] Oh, come on.
[106] Just try to be as vague as possible.
[107] Now, I'm going to be bold here, but people don't come to Northwest Territories for the Quiznos and the McDonald's.
[108] They come here for the wilderness.
[109] That's what I will say.
[110] What about the Taco Bell?
[111] You got eight Taco Bells in the town?
[112] All the Taco Bells are in the wilderness.
[113] Why, if you go, 70 kilometers out through those dark woods, you'll hit a taco bell.
[114] No, well, tell us about it.
[115] It must be absolutely stunningly beautiful when you walk into the woods there.
[116] Yeah, it is.
[117] And so this whole area is the traditional territory of my ancestors as a dene person of the Northwest Territories.
[118] And so my peeps have been up here for about 15 ,000 years.
[119] Wow.
[120] Like out in the woods, yeah.
[121] Okay.
[122] And so, say, this is the Dene people.
[123] Is that what you said?
[124] Yeah, the Dene.
[125] I am a proud Dene man. And very cool.
[126] And tell me about the history of the Dene people.
[127] I'm curious.
[128] Yeah.
[129] So it's kind of a large group.
[130] Like a lot of people know the Inuit, which are sort of like the folks that are way up in the high Arctic.
[131] Yes.
[132] And so we're the next ones down.
[133] So we're the ones that would like, we would go back and forth between the tundra, so like the barren lands following the caribou.
[134] So you'd go up to the, like, you know, in the summer, up to the barren lands, and then back into the forest.
[135] And they were just like tough, badass people, of which I'm very proud to be that's so cool.
[136] But you said following the caribou, you were hunting them.
[137] You weren't just following.
[138] Stop.
[139] Yes.
[140] You know, because there was a lot of, there were a lot of complaints that it's just like, I swear to God.
[141] The dene are.
[142] just creeping on the caribou.
[143] The caribou were just trying to chill and you know.
[144] This is the stranger danger element.
[145] Exactly.
[146] Yeah.
[147] The Dene were always sliding into the caribou DMs.
[148] Oh my God.
[149] Oh, come Oh, my God.
[150] It was like, hey.
[151] It's a weird way of looking at it.
[152] Okay.
[153] No, that's so cool.
[154] Okay, so you were, your your ancestors and your people would live off the caribou and have to follow them for incredible distances latitude and longitude.
[155] They were tough.
[156] Way tougher than any of us here.
[157] So for example, there's like white explorers that have like journals in the 1700s of like following these people around.
[158] And the accounts would be like the, you know, the white British guy would be like, we haven't eaten in four days and the mood is low and we are fatigued.
[159] But the dene, they're just like skipping and jumping and like gossiping about who's got a crush on who.
[160] Just like a kid in the world.
[161] Right.
[162] Right.
[163] These These white chroniclers are saying things like, it's six hours to a McDonald's.
[164] This is unheard of.
[165] And when we got there and the sign said, over two served.
[166] Wow.
[167] This is, okay, so that's so cool.
[168] So the dene population is quite high in your area.
[169] Would you say that when you do high five someone, chances are it's someone also a dene ancestor or some part of the Dene tribe?
[170] I think it's about half and half of the 40 ,000.
[171] There's like half and half, like 2020.
[172] Right.
[173] But just don't, just don't let the Irish in.
[174] They ruin everything.
[175] We've been trying.
[176] There's a sign at the border that's no Irish.
[177] Trust me, no Irish person would blame you.
[178] Wow.
[179] Okay, go ahead.
[180] You'll need to come up just given that, you know, you've been to all, you've done these cornered without borders, but typically you go to these like, you know, really boring, warm places.
[181] I think that you need to come up and get a little frosty sometime.
[182] You know what?
[183] I have, I mean, I have explored, I did explore Greenland and I explored Finland, but you're right.
[184] I think coming up to the name of your town again is, is, Hey River, Hey River.
[185] Yeah, Yellowknife might be the place that more people know.
[186] There's lots of tourism.
[187] Like, everybody comes here for, like, to view the Northern Lights.
[188] It's like this big booming tourism industry.
[189] Yeah.
[190] And so, like, a lot of Asian tourists.
[191] specifically like Chinese, Japanese, Korean.
[192] Like, not too many Americans are Canadians.
[193] The Asian folks, they come up here and they'll Aurora Hunt.
[194] So there's all these tourism outfits where you pack in like 20 people into a van and you'll bomb around the backroads of like Yellowknife and Northwest Territories trying to find the best spot to see the Northern Lights.
[195] Oh, I want to do that.
[196] I do too.
[197] I just don't think they should be taking a van.
[198] I think it should be hiking.
[199] You know, I'm sorry.
[200] I'm, as you probably could guess, I'm a real outdoorsman.
[201] and no no I like to strap on a pair of boots and get out there let my legs do the talking and I like to see the world what's this well I just don't know if you've captured the lingo outdoorsman barely came out of your mouth it's like you had to vomit it out it's the second time I've said it in my life the first one was to say I am not outdoorsman I sir am no outdoorsman I said.
[202] Let's compare you to a real outdoorsman.
[203] All right.
[204] So we'll see.
[205] Nice.
[206] So my great grandpa, he was a denny man. And what he would do is in the wintertime, he would dog sled out to the tundra, like the middle of nowhere, by himself with his dog team.
[207] And he would trap white foxes all winter, as you do.
[208] Now he was out there by himself.
[209] And there was once, like, he kind of took a tumble on a ridge, and he gashed his leg.
[210] And it started to gangrene.
[211] And so he cut his own.
[212] leg off.
[213] Oh.
[214] Okay, well, here's what?
[215] Wow.
[216] I tumble a lot.
[217] I fall a lot.
[218] So that part, I'm totally right there with your ancestor.
[219] You know, I've, yeah, so you'd fall.
[220] I fell this morning three times and I was in a sitting position.
[221] So I'm not at all intimidated by that, but so he cut his own leg off.
[222] I don't think I would do that.
[223] Oh, that's cool.
[224] I don't think I would do that.
[225] I mean, it's cool.
[226] I mean, it's cool.
[227] You know what I would do so not?
[228] I would ask you to cut my leg off.
[229] I would do that for you.
[230] I'll do that right now.
[231] You would do that rather than remove a band -aid on my calf.
[232] You'd say, I'll just chop the whole thing off.
[233] No, no, I'm, it's just a slight scratch.
[234] Wow, okay, so, so this has got to be in your genetic code.
[235] You've got to be a tough guy.
[236] You really do.
[237] There's no way you're not.
[238] Well, I don't think I would cut my own leg off, but like he did go back to the woods the next year and just kept living off the land, like with his wooden leg.
[239] But I don't do that.
[240] However, I do like to disappear just into the woods now and again and like just spend a week out there by myself or more.
[241] And that's actually one of my favorite things to do.
[242] Are you pretty good at, you know, keeping track of your whereabouts?
[243] Are you good at navigating and things like that in the woods?
[244] Yeah.
[245] I guessing there's no trails.
[246] So you want to be careful, right?
[247] Yeah, I like being on the river.
[248] So like I like having a canoe and like my pack kind of thing.
[249] And then like, you know, like portaging between spots.
[250] That's probably when I'm at my happiest.
[251] Oh, I got to say.
[252] On my back and like...
[253] I hate portaging.
[254] Really?
[255] I love portaging.
[256] I hate portaging.
[257] I'm dying to know what it means.
[258] What is it?
[259] Portaging is when I was in this...
[260] I went to many camps.
[261] My parents were very eager to get me away.
[262] So they sent me off to these sort of rigorous camps where you would go on these long journeys.
[263] And portaging is when you get to a place where the river becomes impassable, so you and two other people, people usually take the canoe.
[264] Or you can do it by yourself.
[265] By yourself.
[266] And you haul the canoe over land at great distances to get to the next place where you can put it in water.
[267] And I remember hating portaging.
[268] And when you read Lewis and Clark's diaries, they had to portage a lot because they're exploring, you know, these to them, completely unknown parts of the United States, Thomas Jefferson.
[269] sent them out there to find out what was there.
[270] And Jefferson actually thought they're gonna see Mastodon.
[271] He thought they were gonna be Willie Mammoths out there.
[272] People had no idea what they were gonna find and sent them out there, but every time they got to the portaging, it just sounded awful.
[273] How can you explore with a canoe on your head?
[274] You can't see.
[275] Well, you cut holes through the, no. Just cut holes through the little sight holes through the canoe.
[276] Yeah, you do, I cut holes all the time.
[277] Oh, Camp counselors hated me because I was always cutting a hole.
[278] Little holes, eye holes through the canoe.
[279] Anyway, it took us on a long, I think, informative discussion.
[280] I think we learned what portaging is, and we learned a little bit about one of the great explorations.
[281] Calvin, I actually have it in my notes that you came back in from a moose hunt just to do this interview.
[282] Is that right?
[283] Yeah, so yesterday I woke up on the side of a river in the Canadian wilderness, and tomorrow morning I'm probably going to wake up in a tent on the side of a river in the Canadian wilderness.
[284] I mean, just to say hi.
[285] Okay, and, uh, wow.
[286] Were you, do you, do you hunt the, the fierce moose?
[287] Yes, I do.
[288] Now I will say there's like, there's like, you know, shitty hunters out there that just try to get like, you know, a rhinoceros on their wall or whatever.
[289] That's not what we do.
[290] We do it the care, like respectful way and it's about feeding your family and culture and tradition.
[291] So yeah, absolutely.
[292] What's your weapon when you hunt?
[293] A rifle.
[294] Right, okay.
[295] Oh my God.
[296] Is it cool to use a grenade?
[297] I don't know.
[298] Oh, you would not.
[299] It's cool.
[300] I'd like to blow up a moose.
[301] You would not last in the woods.
[302] I would.
[303] If I saw a moose, I'd be like, you know, they're a grenade!
[304] And I would throw it.
[305] Fire them off.
[306] And then you just see antlers reining down.
[307] So, there aren't antlers.
[308] Yes, there are.
[309] Moose.
[310] Moose have antlers.
[311] Oh, sorry, Sona.
[312] I didn't mean to.
[313] Sona's really up on wildlife.
[314] I'm sorry to defend it.
[315] Oh, yeah, because you're an expert on wildlife.
[316] The fierce moose.
[317] I've battled a moose in my day.
[318] You're the one who asked if moose have antlers.
[319] Guys, guys.
[320] Everyone knows they do.
[321] You're bumming my portage.
[322] Okay, just just chill out of look.
[323] God.
[324] Well, that's very cool.
[325] I would love to go moose hunting with you because I, yeah.
[326] Oh, come on.
[327] You think I'd be a fun guy to have along.
[328] I'm a chipper chappy.
[329] Okay, so here's what I think.
[330] Okay.
[331] I feel like, and respectfully, Conan, I feel like.
[332] Oh, this isn't going to, we all know this isn't going well.
[333] I love it.
[334] Respectfully.
[335] Okay.
[336] Respectfully, I feel like camping with you would be intolerable.
[337] Yes.
[338] Why, just say, I can take it, say.
[339] You should try podcasting with it.
[340] You know, you just don't take any things seriously.
[341] Like, everything would just be a joke.
[342] You wouldn't be like anything done.
[343] You'd be making fun of everybody.
[344] People would just want to push you in the river, that kind of stuff.
[345] Yeah, yeah.
[346] So far, you've got everything right, but I think that leads up to a fun time.
[347] What's the problem with everything you just listed?
[348] As long as someone else is keeping us alive, providing food, and doing all the work, I think I'm just a lot of fun to have along.
[349] Hey, man, Sony, you want to go keep.
[350] Campions sometimes?
[351] Yes!
[352] Matt will be much more useful to you than I will, but...
[353] That's not true.
[354] I think you will.
[355] No, I think you're...
[356] Okay, so here's what I think, though.
[357] Here's what I think.
[358] I think Conan inside you that there's an animalistic version of you.
[359] There is.
[360] It's going to take being like pushed up against the wall, like, you know, a plane crash in the wilderness where you have to fend for yourself.
[361] Yeah.
[362] Or something will just like crack.
[363] Oh, I mean, you've seen it, Sona, right?
[364] You've been around me when the chips are down.
[365] I have...
[366] When you've gotten rough.
[367] Well, I didn't say rugged, but when pushed to the edge, yes, I have Viking like abilities.
[368] I think Kelvin's saying, though, like the key there is something snaps and you become feral.
[369] Yeah, that's right.
[370] Like you go off into the woods and you come back.
[371] Like bloodthirsty, wearing a loincloth, nothing else.
[372] Yeah, yeah.
[373] And it's not even in the right place.
[374] I think I should go on the show naked and afraid.
[375] Yeah.
[376] Oh, no, you don't think so?
[377] I think so.
[378] I'd watch it.
[379] I'd watch it.
[380] Yeah.
[381] I just, I think the clown part of you would take over.
[382] take the, like, I need to survive part of you.
[383] I think you would die joking.
[384] Yes, I would, I do think that I...
[385] You're autobiography.
[386] No, seriously, I would...
[387] I think that is a problem.
[388] I think I'm an evolutionary dead end.
[389] I think I'm not meant to survive because...
[390] Junk DNA.
[391] Because when the chips really got down, Kelvin, and we were both trapped there and we were starving, you would finally reach deep down into your proud heritage, your dead.
[392] your Dene heritage, and you would go out and you would make something happen and I would take little pieces of rocks and twigs and create a scenario, a silly scenario.
[393] A silly, and I would have the rock be sort of passive -aggressive to the twig, and the twigieg hit the rock, and I'd be giggling as I died.
[394] Yeah.
[395] But the animals around me would be amused.
[396] Yeah, so between cutting your own leg off to survive, or like curl up and die, you're further to just curl up and down.
[397] You would take your gangrene leg if it were you and you would make jokes with it and then you would die.
[398] Right.
[399] You'd find my skeleton later on, but you'd see that there was a, I had a grinning smile, you know, because I'd giggled my way into the afterlife.
[400] Well, it would be dead as a skeleton and then there'd be a rubber chicken skeleton next to you.
[401] Yeah.
[402] Oh, God.
[403] I'm always like a little, you know, for when society collapses, which, you know, who knows when that could happen.
[404] Two weeks.
[405] To always kind of be prepared who your crew is, like you're going to disappear in the woods with.
[406] And so I feel very confident that when that happens, I can just wander.
[407] But like, I feel like all y 'all in L .A. are pretty fucked.
[408] We are.
[409] Oh, yeah.
[410] Well, here's it.
[411] Kelvin, do you ever listen to the podcast when you're in the wilderness?
[412] Like, you're way out there on your own.
[413] And clearly you must be a fan if you've reached out to us.
[414] Do you ever, when you're just far, far away in the beauty of nature, listen to the podcast?
[415] No. Oh.
[416] I see.
[417] Did you want him to say yes?
[418] Yeah, I did.
[419] Isn't it nice that he unplugs and he goes out there and appreciates?
[420] No, he listens to other podcasts out there.
[421] Can you tell me, my whole life isn't just being in the woods?
[422] If you could tell me that you just listen to the ads, that would help me a lot with...
[423] Oh, yeah, the ads for sure.
[424] There you go.
[425] Okay, great.
[426] All right, I'm doing that.
[427] Adam Sachs is happy.
[428] So you don't listen to every single episode.
[429] You don't listen to every single episode.
[430] Oh, great.
[431] Oh, good.
[432] Yeah, but just just not in the woods.
[433] And actually, so like, as a Denny kid growing up, I was such a huge fan of your show.
[434] but it would be, you know, all the celebrities who appear on the show, they would never be people like me, like indigenous folks.
[435] And so it's like, it's a huge honor to be able to be here and just be able to talk to you, to be like, hey, yeah, like we're like inserting more indigenity into the world.
[436] And I think that that's what we are.
[437] Kelvin, the honor is ours, seriously.
[438] And I seriously would love to come and check out your neck of the woods and walk around with you.
[439] That'd be really fun.
[440] Yeah, my goal is out.
[441] As long as we brought 900 pounds of food with us.
[442] Yeah, McDonald's.
[443] Yeah, if Gourley followed right behind us as we were trekking in a Chevy Suburban.
[444] It was just packed with ringdings, meodles, energy drinks, you know, and laptops, then I'm fine.
[445] My goal would be is I'm, I'd love, because I work in media as well, too.
[446] It's not just the woods that I disappear into.
[447] But at some point, I want to work my way up.
[448] And so I want to like, like, elbow everybody else out of the way who's a fan and try to get to the real show.
[449] that'll be one of my goals in life.
[450] I'm coming.
[451] I'm coming for you, Conan.
[452] I'm going to be one of those celebrities.
[453] I'll get back on television.
[454] Yeah, just for that.
[455] No, seriously, just for that.
[456] I agree.
[457] I would like that.
[458] I would like that.
[459] Well, you're very telegenic fellow as well, Kelvin.
[460] You're a very good -looking fellow.
[461] So, yes.
[462] You know, I think definitely you should just take my job.
[463] I've been told a lot of my life that I look like various celebrities, even though I'm like from the sticks.
[464] Wherever I go around the world, people say like, you look like this celebrity or that celebrity I can see that you got a little bit of who do you get a lot because I could see there's different people the celebrity who follows me around who is like this this constant presence in my life is Ryan Reynolds I can see that yes you've got the similar smile to Ryan Reynolds yes yeah I can see that 15 years like every every month several times just like strangers will like stop me and they'll be like you know who you remind me of Ryan Reynolds.
[465] I'll be at the grocery store or like in an intimate situation like after intimacy after intercourse.
[466] You mean post bone?
[467] We call it the post bone zone.
[468] Okay.
[469] Oh, sorry.
[470] Let's just use the correct terminology.
[471] So you're in that situation and what happens?
[472] After a wet nap.
[473] So whether it's the grocery store or after intimacy, I've heard this statement so many times you know who you remind me of Ryan Reynolds oh wait so you've been in that intimate moment with a person and then they say that afterwards but that implies that they've been with Ryan Reynolds you know and they're comparing you like it's not just your face it's your it's your moves you know I'm told oh god I'm told in those intimate moments afterwards that I look like Kate Blanchett.
[474] Well, that's pretty good.
[475] Yeah.
[476] I'm suddenly attracted to you.
[477] That's a compliment.
[478] It was.
[479] This is when I was dating years ago.
[480] They would say, wow, this was, that was like Cape Blanchett.
[481] Really?
[482] Yeah, incredible.
[483] Would you guys excuse the two of us for a second?
[484] Why?
[485] Because I want to get with Kate Blanchett.
[486] Okay.
[487] All right.
[488] Listen, Kelvin, I apologize.
[489] I feel you tried to elevate the podcast by teaching us about your very cool history and your town and, you know, really telling us.
[490] telling us all about the Dene people.
[491] And then look where we are now.
[492] Well, he's the one that brought up naked Brian Reynolds all covered in it.
[493] Okay.
[494] Covered in it.
[495] You said wet nap.
[496] Calvin.
[497] I'm just stuck on wet nap.
[498] Kelvin, I'm going to find you.
[499] I'll find you and we'll hang.
[500] It'll be a good time.
[501] Yeah.
[502] We'll go dog sledding.
[503] You know what?
[504] I have gone dog sledding.
[505] I did it in, what did I do?
[506] I did it up near the Arctic Circle in Finland.
[507] I wrote a dog sled.
[508] So been there, done that, but I'm ready to do it again.
[509] There's many things you don't know about me. And I've killed several people.
[510] But you have to do it off camera.
[511] No. You can't be filmed.
[512] I don't exist off camera.
[513] Okay.
[514] Yeah.
[515] If Conan falls in the forest and there's no one there to record it and put it on YouTube.
[516] Did he really fall?
[517] I think it'd be fun.
[518] It'd be fun to get to know like me and you just out the woods.
[519] No, no. You don't want to know the real me. It's a horror show.
[520] Trust me. This guy's coming.
[521] Not the real me. All right.
[522] Hey, Kelvin, very cool talking to you.
[523] Hey, were we going to do the questions?
[524] Oh, oh, sure.
[525] Yeah.
[526] Oh, oh, yeah.
[527] You can.
[528] I mean, we've got, sure, we have some time.
[529] Go ahead.
[530] Okay.
[531] So one of the things I was curious about, I spent a lot of time just going out alone in the woods.
[532] Oh, we've heard about that.
[533] Yeah.
[534] So I'd be curious of the three of you, if you y 'all were like alone, like, whether on that TV show you ever seen alone, like, or off in the woods.
[535] Or in like, I don't know, there's like a plane crash.
[536] And it's just you, you.
[537] alone in the woods.
[538] Which of the three of you do you think would survive the longest?
[539] Matt.
[540] I was going to say Matt, too.
[541] Oh, I don't know, though.
[542] I think mental fortitude.
[543] No, no, I think you would.
[544] I think you're very, you're crafty.
[545] I mean, you're very good at making things.
[546] I think you have real knowledge of maybe how to start a fire, how to build a birdhouse out of twigs.
[547] That'll get me through.
[548] No, no, I do think, I think of the three of us, you would, I'm a son - completely.
[549] But I think my mental fortitude would be missing cozy comfort.
[550] And I might crack.
[551] No, no, you wouldn't crack.
[552] I don't think you would.
[553] If you had to survive, I think it would be you, then you, then I would die instantly.
[554] Yeah, you'd take your own life instantly.
[555] Even if you were like, if you had wandered five minutes into a fairly populated part, you know.
[556] And we're talking nuts, bare and fire.
[557] Yeah, yeah.
[558] Yeah.
[559] Yeah, and it's clearly, you can see Ferris wheels above the tree line and hear other people, but you just quickly become despondent and take your own life.
[560] Yeah, okay, that makes sense.
[561] Yeah, but it's Gorley.
[562] Gorley's the winner.
[563] If you had to make your way back into town, what would be your motivation in order to get out?
[564] Like, if you're just in the middle of the woods, would you have the motivation to do so?
[565] Like, would it be like your family?
[566] Would that be enough to get you to, like, family?
[567] No, not family.
[568] Oh, well, you're raising small children.
[569] My children are older now and they don't like me. They've seen my work.
[570] So, no, it wouldn't be family.
[571] It would be I've got to get back and talk to my business manager.
[572] Oh, okay.
[573] But what if there was like a show you had next week and it was sold out and you're like, I got to get to them.
[574] Oh, no, screw those people.
[575] As long as the money has already been collected, screw them, you know.
[576] And then it becomes a memorial, that show.
[577] So if I don't make it back.
[578] And those things do really well.
[579] You saw a lot of merch when you've passed away.
[580] So I've given this a lot of thought.
[581] That's true.
[582] Yeah.
[583] All right, Kelvin, we're going to wrap this up, but thank you so much.
[584] This was very cool.
[585] Thanks, Calvin.
[586] Thanks, Kelvin.
[587] A huge privilege just to talk to all of you.
[588] Honestly, dream come true, it means a lot to be a Dene kid to be able to talk to all y 'all.
[589] That's very cool.
[590] Very cool to talk to you.
[591] Thanks, Kelvin.
[592] Thank you, Kelvin.
[593] Take care.
[594] Bye -bye.
[595] That was so nice.
[596] Conan O 'Brien needs a fan with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[597] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[598] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaireoff, and Jeff Ross at Team Cocoa.
[599] and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.
[600] Music by Jimmy Vivino.
[601] Supervising producer Aaron Blaird.
[602] Associate talent producer Jennifer Samples.
[603] Associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm.
[604] Engineered by Will Bechton.
[605] Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[606] This has been a Team Coco production in association with, Stitcher.