Armchair Anonymous: Fart

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

[4] I'm Dan Rather.

[5] I'm joined by Maximum Mouse.

[6] Hello.

[7] Hi.

[8] You're excited about this one.

[9] I am.

[10] Tell us about your most embarrassing fart.

[11] I had been looking forward to this.

[12] from the time we announced it.

[13] Counting down the days.

[14] It's a fun one.

[15] It ended up being pretty sweet, kind of like the poop your pants on a date.

[16] Yeah, yeah.

[17] There was a couple of real endearing moments and some love connections during it.

[18] Yeah.

[19] I should have seen this coming, but of course when you ask somebody about their most embarrassing fart, you are maybe asking also about a poop your pants story.

[20] Sure.

[21] But also the dancing one is so sweet.

[22] Yeah.

[23] Cute.

[24] Anything else we have to say about this one?

[25] Okay.

[26] I think you can listen.

[27] Yeah, you can listen.

[28] This one's good.

[29] This one's good and safe for you.

[30] So go ahead and continue listening.

[31] Please enjoy Armcherry's most embarrassing farts.

[32] Park times come and go.

[33] Take them slow.

[34] I'm but for one thing you got to know.

[35] Hello.

[36] Where are you?

[37] In a closet.

[38] You are in a closet.

[39] Okay.

[40] With a shower curtain.

[41] Is that what you were confused about?

[42] Well, it kind of felt like you were in a back alley, like, for a second.

[43] I thought maybe you were abducted.

[44] Have you been abducted, Lillian?

[45] No, I am in my husband's closet.

[46] He doesn't have a lot of clothes.

[47] Got it.

[48] No, it's bigger than that.

[49] Like, there's no clothes.

[50] Yeah.

[51] Also, this is my wedding dress.

[52] Oh, beautiful.

[53] I didn't mean to disparage it just from this angle.

[54] look like maybe there was a curtain that covered up the no clothes.

[55] It's covered.

[56] It's in a bag.

[57] Oh, that makes sense.

[58] So that is a bag.

[59] I feel less bad.

[60] Okay.

[61] So really the only thing we're singing in this closet is your wedding dress.

[62] So he really has no clothes.

[63] Also, to be fair, he's so sweet.

[64] He was like, I'm going to move my stuff so that they don't have to look.

[65] That really backfired, husband.

[66] So all we talked about was his lack of clothes.

[67] Yeah.

[68] I know.

[69] He doesn't have a lot of clothes, though.

[70] So we can still.

[71] make fun of him a little bit.

[72] Good for him.

[73] Capsule wardrobe.

[74] That's what Dax is doing now, too.

[75] Yeah, just a lot of, a lot of capsules.

[76] He sounds really sweet.

[77] I wish I would make that effort.

[78] I don't know that I would.

[79] You know you wouldn't.

[80] He's very sweet.

[81] Yes.

[82] He put a towel up initially behind me and then was like, no, no, that looks weird.

[83] No, you put a lot of care in.

[84] That's very good.

[85] How long have you been together?

[86] So we've been together for almost two years, but we've been married for five months.

[87] Boy, I thought you were about to say five years.

[88] I was like, how is this going to work?

[89] They've been together for two years and married for five.

[90] No, no, no. We got married in October.

[91] Well, congratulations.

[92] That would be a good riddle, Monica.

[93] We've got to figure out an answer that works.

[94] I'll do that.

[95] Back door.

[96] That's how you normally do it.

[97] Lillian, am I saying that right?

[98] Yes.

[99] Okay, great.

[100] So you have an embarrassing far.

[101] I have to tell you, I've been looking forward to this prompt more than any of the prompts we've done.

[102] This is number one excitement for me. goodness.

[103] Yeah, well, I hope I don't disappoint.

[104] Oh, you won't.

[105] You won't.

[106] As long as you had an embarrassing fart, it's already a 10 for me. Yeah, I sure did.

[107] Oh, my God.

[108] All right, let's hear it.

[109] Yeah, set the scene for us.

[110] So my story also takes place in Kansas City.

[111] I don't live in Kansas City anymore.

[112] Great place for an embarrassing far.

[113] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[114] But I grew up dancing.

[115] That was like my sport.

[116] Can I ask what kind of dancing, like ballet, hip hop, jazz?

[117] Oh, I tried everything.

[118] When you do it from like the age of four until you're 18, you get to try out everything.

[119] I originally started dancing in kind of like more of a traditional ballet school.

[120] And when I was probably around like fifth or sixth grade, I had a friend who was at a studio that was kind of more of like the cooler dance studio.

[121] They danced to Tina Turner.

[122] They didn't have to wear leotards and tights and their hair back in a bun like I did.

[123] So I decided I wanted to switch dance studios.

[124] So kind of the way that it works is you go try out a class and then just make sure you like it.

[125] So I went to her class, loved it.

[126] After I tried this class, the owner of the studio talked to my mom and I. And she basically told us, we would love to have your daughter join the studio.

[127] but she can't join this class.

[128] She's a little behind.

[129] This is a little bit more of an advanced class.

[130] Oh, wow.

[131] That's hard to hear.

[132] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[133] And also keep in mind, this is not a competition group.

[134] This is just a dance class.

[135] Yeah, and fifth grade.

[136] Exactly.

[137] As a kid, that makes one insecure.

[138] So they put me in the class with girls.

[139] They were like maybe a little bit younger than I was.

[140] I really wanted to try really hard to get into this advanced class.

[141] So my parents, who are, just wonderful.

[142] They paid for me to have private dance lessons to get promoted into this class.

[143] Bringing up to speed.

[144] Exactly.

[145] So that's what I did.

[146] I worked really hard.

[147] And then finally, like a year or two later was promoted to this more advanced dance class.

[148] You really worked for it.

[149] Yeah, I tried.

[150] Also, a lot of the girls in this class in my head, kind of more like the popular pool girls.

[151] A few years forward, I'm still in this class with the same girls.

[152] By this time, I'm probably a. freshman in high schools.

[153] And one evening, it was a jazz class.

[154] We were learning a new lift, basically.

[155] Meaning someone's going to pick you up that kind of lift?

[156] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[157] Exactly.

[158] Nothing crazy like Monica, what you experienced.

[159] Thank you for your leading.

[160] Nothing like that.

[161] Not dirty dancing, last scene, holding her like a swan.

[162] No, and we're 14, 15 years old.

[163] And like, there's also no guys in the class.

[164] So this is not that intense of a lift.

[165] But She was wanting to potentially incorporate it into our jazz routine for the upcoming recital.

[166] So the way that it would work is one person would start on one end of the room and they would run, do a couple of steps.

[167] And then they would leap into the air, kind of into a split or what they call a grande jete.

[168] Ooh, grangetet.

[169] We love that.

[170] And then their partner, right before they actually get into the air, grabs them by their hips and lifts them up so they can get a larger leap.

[171] maximum height, which I think this is more common kind of in ballet, and it's usually the man that does this lift.

[172] But anyways, so that's what she wanted us to do.

[173] And because I had kind of told myself this story that I had to prove myself in this class, and I kind of felt like I had the reputation of like just not being as talented of a dancer in this class, I just was never really chosen to like ever demonstrate any kind of tricks or anything like that you're like last to go right let's get lillian is lillian still in here all right let's let her take a stab at this right my dance teacher she was pretty short she needed another short person to help demonstrate the leap while she was going to be the lifter okay she picked me because i have the time was like five feet tall.

[174] Monica's current height, yeah.

[175] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[176] So really small.

[177] Yeah.

[178] And I, like I said, never really got picked for demonstrations.

[179] So I was like, okay, this is a big deal.

[180] Did you feel like, oh my God, I am good enough?

[181] I got picked.

[182] Like, did you really take it to heart in a good way?

[183] Or did it fill you with fear immediately?

[184] Well, right.

[185] There's options.

[186] Yeah.

[187] I think I was pretty nervous, but also excited like, okay, like this doesn't really happen a lot.

[188] There are naturally in any kind of group exercise class, there's like always the person that's always the star student.

[189] That just wasn't me. And so I was like, okay, you know, this is exciting.

[190] Winding your sails a little bit.

[191] Yeah.

[192] Nervously, I walked to the other end of the room.

[193] I kind of ran, stepped, planted my feet, and I leapt into the air, beautiful split.

[194] She flawlessly lifted me and it was great.

[195] It was perfection.

[196] Wow.

[197] Wow.

[198] Yeah.

[199] And I was really proud of myself and I was rewarded with a great job.

[200] Let's do it one more time and then everybody else can split up into partners and everyone else can try it.

[201] But let's just have you do it one more time.

[202] And I was like on cloud nine.

[203] Oh no, too confident.

[204] Walk into the other side of the room to do it again like with a little bit more of pep in my step.

[205] And so once again, I started and I ran, took a couple steps, planted my feet, went into the leap.

[206] She lifted me up.

[207] And right in the moment when I split my legs open and my butt was in her face, I let out the loudest part.

[208] I think any person who is five feet tall has probably ever let out.

[209] Yeah, because your body is tensed in all these crazy ways.

[210] Your butt is splayed open when you're in the split.

[211] So you've lost all ability to contract or contain.

[212] You're as vulnerable as it gets squeezing every muscle in your body with a splayed butt.

[213] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[214] Right in her face.

[215] Everybody is watching.

[216] It's completely silent in the studio.

[217] So it's not like there's music playing.

[218] It's silent, and they're supposed to be watching me and paying attention to me. This is awful.

[219] I am completely mortified.

[220] Really quick.

[221] Is she full commit?

[222] Like, she grabs your way.

[223] She's lifting.

[224] Does she drop you in panic?

[225] Or she's a good partner?

[226] And she's like, we're going to get through this.

[227] She was a good partner.

[228] She was a professional.

[229] So she probably has had a few farts in the face every once in a while.

[230] Sure.

[231] If you're doing it.

[232] Doing it right, you're going to have a few farts in the face.

[233] So you're going to fart.

[234] You're doing it right.

[235] And also, she's the dance instructor, and I'm, like, maybe 14, 15 years old.

[236] So she's also, like, not going to try and embarrass me. Yeah, she freaks out.

[237] It's like, oh, gross.

[238] Then everyone's going to cut loose and let you have it.

[239] But, of course, I mean, and I probably would have done this, too.

[240] The whole class erupts in laughter.

[241] You can't not.

[242] You can't even be mad at anyone.

[243] It's involuntary.

[244] That's so sad.

[245] I know.

[246] And three, four, five, six, and ladies, they're, how are you not?

[247] Shoulders back, ladies, five, six, seven, eight.

[248] Exactly.

[249] You got it.

[250] You can't not.

[251] My friend that's in the class, like she's so sweet.

[252] I can tell her face is turning red.

[253] She's trying so hard not to laugh and make me feel bad.

[254] Oh, to be a good friend.

[255] Yeah.

[256] I just, it's a bag on.

[257] That's, I was like, something happened.

[258] I am covered in dip.

[259] Not covered.

[260] Do you know why?

[261] Because of the fart.

[262] I know.

[263] The most embarrassing part story turned into my most embarrassing chewing tobacco moment.

[264] Okay.

[265] And five, six, seven, eight.

[266] I'm so sorry, Lillian.

[267] No, it's okay.

[268] So your poor friend is like getting tomato face trying to hold it in.

[269] Yes.

[270] Oh, man. Oh, God.

[271] And so I honestly don't even know what my reaction was.

[272] I later in adulthood learned in therapy that I tend to repress certain emotions when I feel uncomfortable.

[273] So I'm sure I probably just didn't even react because I just didn't know what to do.

[274] Right.

[275] You try and make yourself invisible probably.

[276] Oh, that sucks.

[277] Yeah.

[278] So you think that the story ends there, which technically, you know, it does.

[279] But what a lot of my peers and my instructor don't know is later that same year, I farted in class again.

[280] If you have taken any kind of group exercise class, like, this is common.

[281] People are ripping them left and right, but there's music playing.

[282] You know, you're moving your body.

[283] You're stretching.

[284] And you're moving through time and space.

[285] So you're like, oh, this stinks, but I'm moving over here.

[286] I can get through this.

[287] Also, this class was at, like, 8 p .m. So, like, I already had dinner.

[288] Big heavy dinner.

[289] I am sure that this was happening to everybody.

[290] Yeah.

[291] But I was the one that got caught the first time around.

[292] The second time, it wasn't necessarily loud, but it was more of the silent but violent variety.

[293] Okay, sure.

[294] I want to hug this little girl.

[295] I know.

[296] It was a different instructor than the first fart incident.

[297] But she was, like, in the middle of teaching.

[298] And it was almost like this wave of the most awful, just foul -smelling fart.

[299] Just, like, comes over the entire class.

[300] And she has to stop in the middle of instructing and be like, oh, my gosh, girls, who farted?

[301] This is horrible.

[302] Wait, who would ever admit to that?

[303] Also, why do we need to know?

[304] Exactly.

[305] A fart has happened.

[306] It's futureed in there.

[307] It's unfortunate.

[308] That's the opposite of the first teacher.

[309] You can't take it back.

[310] Yeah.

[311] What's the point of making someone embarrassed?

[312] Did you cop up to it?

[313] She wants heads.

[314] No, no, no, no. Because also, like, everybody in the class is like, it wasn't me. It wasn't me. And I was like, yeah, definitely wasn't me. You had no credibility, though.

[315] Yeah.

[316] Oh, no. No one's going to admit to this anyways.

[317] But, like, I definitely wasn't because I was already fart, girl.

[318] Yes.

[319] You know what?

[320] I'm just going to take this to the grave and just not ever tell anybody about this until, obviously, now.

[321] Oh, boy.

[322] Why do our bodies?

[323] They betray you.

[324] They really do.

[325] We've all been in the situation, and it's like, oh, who farted, right?

[326] And when you're the perpetrator, you start wondering, are they going to put it together?

[327] Like, oh, these two people smelled it first.

[328] We can triangulate that it's me. You start getting really nervous about the wave of reaction can be kind of telling.

[329] Yeah, and then someone's like, it was Lillian.

[330] And then you're like, no, it was.

[331] But then you've already been called out.

[332] Yeah.

[333] Oh, yeah.

[334] But you got away with that one.

[335] I did.

[336] And it's funny because, obviously, it was a very traumatic experience.

[337] for me. But when I was talking about the story with my husband, he was like, is this why you've never farted in front of me?

[338] You haven't?

[339] Yeah, like, we've been together for almost two years at this point.

[340] I'm not trying to not.

[341] It's like my body remembers the shame.

[342] The body keeps the score, I guess.

[343] Yeah, yeah.

[344] Sounds like you also might have got it out of your system and your teens because you were letting it go.

[345] Like, Monica never farts.

[346] It's infuriating.

[347] I hate it.

[348] makes me very angry.

[349] It's exactly the same thing that you just said.

[350] It's not like I'm actively trying not to fart.

[351] I'm just not.

[352] We've gotten into this before.

[353] I kind of think females are taught not to because it is so embarrassing for girls specifically.

[354] Like we all are just like, ew, boys are stinky.

[355] But if a girl farts, it's so.

[356] She's a whore.

[357] Yeah, yeah.

[358] Put her in jail.

[359] Yeah.

[360] So I do think you get trained.

[361] I think there's also something biological going on.

[362] I know.

[363] Oh, you do, but no. Things related to the frequency of shitting their pants.

[364] I know, you never want to just admit that some of this is male areas for the patriarchy.

[365] I mean, look, I don't know why I'm saying this because I do believe you can change your body, right?

[366] Like I have a story that I can't be hurt, and so nothing hurts.

[367] So that's interesting.

[368] But I'm fighting them all the time.

[369] It's like you're telling me like you're not fighting.

[370] I'm fighting them all the time.

[371] I have like a hundred parts a day.

[372] But you also let a ton out.

[373] Here.

[374] Yeah.

[375] This is our home.

[376] Because we're a safe space.

[377] But if you're at a restaurant and you have to fart, you're got to.

[378] No. Really?

[379] No, I'm holding.

[380] And then I go to the bathroom to the urnol like many other men.

[381] If there was a mic at the urinal, it's like, you first you hear the zipper, it's like, then you hear.

[382] You see everyone letting out like cubic meters of gas.

[383] They've been holding.

[384] I hate it here.

[385] Wait, and planet Earth?

[386] Yes.

[387] Okay.

[388] It is.

[389] I would love to have an evolutionary biologist on to explain to us why they fucking reek so bad.

[390] Well, you might have to fact check this.

[391] Yeah.

[392] But maybe the New York Times a few years ago wrote an article about how women have probably the most stomach.

[393] IBS.

[394] Yes, they do.

[395] Yeah, because they are more sensitive to like not farting in front of people or like not pooping in public or where people will know that they, pooped in the bathroom at the restaurant, you'll have to look it up.

[396] But yeah, I think it's a real thing.

[397] Yes.

[398] If this was a group of guys on a football team, it would have been no big deal.

[399] Oh, yeah.

[400] My cousin and I worked in a cornfield in the summers.

[401] You're out there for 12 hours.

[402] There's no porta potty.

[403] You're in a cornfield.

[404] And many times I'm like, oh, fuck, I got a shit.

[405] Me too.

[406] And we would shit like four rows of corn over just out.

[407] Yeah.

[408] And we didn't give a shit about that.

[409] Yeah.

[410] You carried toilet paper with you and you just left it in the cornfield.

[411] field.

[412] Corn was happier for it.

[413] We were happy.

[414] You're right about that.

[415] Aaron and I's friendship was forged in our public pooping and stuff.

[416] Yeah, even my closest, closest, closest girlfriends who we've seen all of it.

[417] No one's like pooping on the street in front of each other.

[418] Right.

[419] You're just not doing it.

[420] You guys are missing out.

[421] I just want to say.

[422] There's a lot of humor.

[423] Well, I mean, the one thing that makes obvious sense is our poop reeks so that people know to stay away from it.

[424] The bottom line is nothing smells or doesn't smell, right?

[425] Our body just detect some fragrances as positive and some is negative.

[426] Fragrens are neutral, but that's a warning sign because disease is contained within feces.

[427] Urine doesn't smell that objectable to us because it is sterile.

[428] Yeah.

[429] So, I mean, that part makes total sense that we find it.

[430] Because I'm always looking at the chimps at the zoo.

[431] And they're regularly pooping in their hands and their other guys are checking it out and they're smelling it.

[432] Their poop still smells according to us.

[433] But they don't think it smells that's obvious they're playing with it because it's not bad for them so i don't know if because the way we live out of sync with how we were designed to live right like we interact with animals we carry all these pathogens we didn't normally do hence the fucking genocide of the hawaians and the native americans when we show up we carry so many diseases from living with animals mostly is what it's from that maybe because they're living exactly how they're supposed to i don't know that's what i'm saying i would like an evolutionary biologist explain to us why shit stinks so bad to us and farts.

[434] I guess farts are just the smell of the poop.

[435] It's just indicating.

[436] Wow Lillian.

[437] Thank you so much.

[438] I'm sorry that happened to you.

[439] So cute though.

[440] You and your dance outfit getting hoisted in the air.

[441] Smack right in the kisser.

[442] That is incredible.

[443] I wish I could go back and tell her, hey, it's going to be okay.

[444] You'll live through it.

[445] This was so fun.

[446] Thank you guys so much.

[447] Oh, for us too.

[448] Yeah.

[449] And congratulations Congratulations on your nuptials.

[450] I hope you do toot in front of your husband.

[451] Yeah, he does too.

[452] He's like almost like begging me to.

[453] You feel insulted.

[454] Like there's some level that you feel not trusted.

[455] Well, there's an intimacy.

[456] That line hasn't been crossed.

[457] And he's like, cross it.

[458] Yeah.

[459] I want you to know I fully embrace you even when you smell like shit.

[460] Yeah.

[461] There's something very sweet about that.

[462] Like families don't mind each other's farts.

[463] It's like even growing up, your family member farts, it's gross.

[464] It's not like when you're on an airplane and you smell a strangers for you.

[465] Oh, it's a fucking strained.

[466] I hope it's not that guy.

[467] Your family, they're milder.

[468] I don't like them.

[469] No, you hate it.

[470] Lillian, thank you so much for your time.

[471] That was really fun meeting you and an incredible story.

[472] Thank you so much, you guys.

[473] You have a good rest of your day.

[474] All right.

[475] Take care.

[476] Bye.

[477] Wow.

[478] These are going to be...

[479] You know what's funny is I didn't think going into this that I had an embarrassing fart story.

[480] Although you already know the bus one.

[481] That was embarrassing.

[482] Yeah.

[483] But that was in my breath pit phase.

[484] I could weather that storm.

[485] Okay.

[486] Because it was seventh grade.

[487] But I do have an embarrassing one.

[488] Okay, let's hear it.

[489] I thought of it while she was talking.

[490] My very first movie is without a paddle, or like I'm a lead of the movie.

[491] Oh, no. And so I have whatever insecurities I have.

[492] And one of the very first scenes we shoot, and if you've seen the movie, there's a scene where we rediscover our childhood tree fort.

[493] And there's a rope hanging off the side of the tree fort.

[494] It's pretty tall up there.

[495] And there's also a ladder that goes up.

[496] And of course, this is hubris.

[497] I volunteer to climb the rope because I want to show off.

[498] Sounds like me, right?

[499] Yeah.

[500] Like, oh, I'll take the rope, you know, instead of three on the stairs, right?

[501] And I can't wait to show the crew that I can climb this rope.

[502] And we're in suits because we've been at a funeral.

[503] The whole crew is there because it's an outside shoot.

[504] It's a night shoot.

[505] Everyone's gathered around.

[506] They're in a horseshoe around the tree that I'm going to climb the rope.

[507] And all the cameras are pointing that way.

[508] There's a hundred people that are watching this.

[509] And action, we run.

[510] the other boys start climbing this ladder I start climbing this tall rope and again I'm fucking tightening everything midway up like loud again butt is open and facing the whole crew climb to the top do whatever little scene was up there and all I can think about is like a hundred people just heard me you fucking rip but were you like maybe they didn't hear nope a set is dead quiet They're getting audio from us in a mic.

[511] So when you're listening even on the headset, so there's no question all 100 people heard.

[512] So I get to the top and I get through the dialogue.

[513] But all I'm thinking about is that.

[514] They yell cut.

[515] It's silent.

[516] And I'm like, I got to own this.

[517] I don't want people tip to it.

[518] And I just turned to everyone that was watching.

[519] I go, just want to acknowledge, I did fart coming up the rope.

[520] And the second I let that out, everyone erupted.

[521] Because everyone heard and they were holding it in.

[522] Oh, that was a nice gift you gave everyone.

[523] Yeah, let's acknowledge this.

[524] I just farted really loud going up the rope.

[525] And it's my first movie.

[526] That's awful.

[527] I knew they shouldn't let me on this thing.

[528] I'm trying to show off.

[529] Instead, I embarrass myself.

[530] What's up, guys?

[531] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[532] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[533] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest.

[534] Okay, every episode I bring on a friend.

[535] and have a real conversation.

[536] And I don't mean just friends.

[537] I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[538] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[539] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[540] We've all been there.

[541] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[542] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing.

[543] But for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[544] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[545] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[546] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[547] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[548] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[549] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon Music.

[550] Okay, let's talk to Hannah.

[551] Hello.

[552] Hi, Hannah.

[553] How are you?

[554] Where are you?

[555] You're in a bathroom?

[556] Which is so apt for this prompt.

[557] I live in an apartment that's like fairly small, but not a lot of small spaces to be in.

[558] Can I make a suggestion?

[559] Are you mobile?

[560] Because it's going to be too echoing in the bathroom.

[561] So any other place in your apartment would be better.

[562] Well, welcome on apartment.

[563] Oh, yes.

[564] Yes.

[565] This is so fun.

[566] We love tours.

[567] I see a purse.

[568] I see a kitchen.

[569] I see a well -decorated fridge.

[570] Oh, I see another person.

[571] She loves you guys and is the one who made me, who sent the prompt to me. Oh, perfect.

[572] Okay, wonderful.

[573] Where are you, gals?

[574] We're in Chicago.

[575] I had a hunch.

[576] I don't know why it felt like Chicago to me. It's just a Midwestern vibe.

[577] You're just so used to it.

[578] So set the scene for us.

[579] You had an embarrassing fart, which I applaud you for telling us.

[580] This is the prompt I've been looking forward to more than any other.

[581] Yes.

[582] So I feel like I have to preface it with the fact that I grew up in a very fart positive household.

[583] My best friend growing up, he had crones, his sister at IBS.

[584] So like I am used to like farting.

[585] I've always farted.

[586] It's fun.

[587] It's funny.

[588] When I first met my current boyfriend in August of last year, I was really into keeping it fresh and sexy.

[589] and he started farting in front of me by the end of September.

[590] What was your reaction to that?

[591] Because, again, I find that very flattering.

[592] I am of the opinion that that means the person feels comfortable around you, trusts you, and is confident.

[593] And I like confidence.

[594] I don't want to say I didn't like it because it's not that I didn't like it, but I was, again, under the impression that we were going to try and keep things fresh and sexy.

[595] That's like our tagline with our relationship.

[596] F and S. Yeah.

[597] And if you're farting in front of me after us, basically seeing each other 10 times.

[598] But he's spending the night.

[599] Like, how long is the dude going to hold a fart in?

[600] Well, not as long as me, apparently, because I was not farting in front of him.

[601] But he wanted me to.

[602] Uh -huh.

[603] Would he push on your belly or anything?

[604] Okay.

[605] Did you ever see the Instagram videos where you can, like, fart a baby?

[606] What?

[607] He never did that to me. Wait, what is that?

[608] How do you fart a baby?

[609] You push, like, a baby's legs back and forth?

[610] But it's just want to be clear, because I have kids.

[611] They have gas in their.

[612] complaining and you're working the gas out.

[613] You kind of do the bicycle with them.

[614] It's not like you can just take a kid without gas and make them fart.

[615] I thought you were saying something crazy.

[616] Like you can fart out a baby or like you can fart and it's baby shaped.

[617] Like something great.

[618] I went to crazy places.

[619] You went very literal.

[620] No, nothing.

[621] I just meant like I encouraged him farting.

[622] And if he ever had like a stomach issue, I was like, I'll fart you.

[623] I will do that for you.

[624] I am personally not ready to fart in front of you.

[625] But his dad and his dad's fiance have been together for like nine years and they've never fart in front of each other and my boyfriend, his name is Jake, was like, I don't want that.

[626] I like you just the way you are.

[627] I want you to feel comfortable around me. That's sweet.

[628] Yeah, I just wasn't ready to be like, hi, I'm Hannah and that smell of rotten eggs is my ass.

[629] Like, I was not ready for that in our relationship.

[630] Sure, sure.

[631] Coming to the night of the art, we've been together for a while.

[632] It's October 13th because I had texted my friend about it And when I was sending in the, like, information on it, I was like, okay, I need to look for this text that I sent.

[633] And I was like, yep, Wednesday the 13th.

[634] So he's at work, works in the suburbs, gets off work around five.

[635] And he always drives in, which can take, like, 45 minutes to, like, two hours.

[636] So as he drives in, I cook.

[637] He and his, like, co -workers have been talking about ramen a lot.

[638] And I was like, I can easily make ramen.

[639] But we both work for non -profit.

[640] So I got, like, the $1 .50 packet of ramen, that, like, orange pack.

[641] I'd soft -boiled eggs.

[642] I'd cook some bok choy.

[643] I spiced it up so that it wasn't just a $1 .52 thing of ramen.

[644] And by the time that he gets in, I have like Nora Jones playing.

[645] I'm like finishing up, making dinner.

[646] We dance a little in my living room.

[647] And we just like a really nice night.

[648] The ramen was delicious.

[649] It's like just salt.

[650] So like can't not be tasted.

[651] And we had just like a lovely night and we kind of wrap things up down here.

[652] And we went up to Gianna's apartment because we were in the middle of watching House of Dragon, which was fantastic.

[653] Yep.

[654] Probably like 15 minutes into the show, 20 minutes.

[655] I'm like, oh, my stomach's kind of feeling funky.

[656] From the bokchoy, from the ramen.

[657] From that super healthy meal I made us earlier.

[658] From the soft boiled egg, I was like, this is just going to be delicious.

[659] But like, at this point, he had been parting in front of me for like four weeks.

[660] He'd been like, I want you to feel comfortable, you should fart in front of me. So one of the times, like, after he asked the question, I was like, guys, I think we need to pause the TV again.

[661] And I was like, you know what?

[662] If he wants me to fart in front of him, I'm going to make it a moment.

[663] Oh, wow.

[664] Oh, you leaned in.

[665] You wanted to be ceremonial.

[666] Yeah, I wanted it to be special for him.

[667] Right, right.

[668] And me. So we paused the TV.

[669] He was getting a glass of water.

[670] I, like, made him turn on the lights.

[671] And I was like, you need to be quiet.

[672] I'm going to fart in front of you for the first time.

[673] And what I thought was just going to be loud ramen fart, ended up being a very loud, wet.

[674] Oh, okay.

[675] Wet part.

[676] Because you were showing off a little bit.

[677] I was like, look what this ass can do.

[678] Oh, no. It sounded wet.

[679] Oh, well, he looked at me and he was like, did you just shit your pants?

[680] I can't.

[681] You stopped everything for this.

[682] Watch me shit my pants.

[683] You wanted to see me shit my...

[684] No, no, I wanted to see you.

[685] No, you wanted to see me shit my pants.

[686] I wanted to give you a present on this beautiful Wednesday night.

[687] And he sets that to me and then he looks at me again.

[688] He's like, that smells like baby shit.

[689] It's like to check yourself out in my head.

[690] I'm like, oh, my God, I sharded.

[691] We're not even boyfriend -girlfriend at this time.

[692] We're still just dating.

[693] Oh, wow.

[694] Like, I put my pants in front of him.

[695] And we were like sitting right next to each other.

[696] He got full brunch of everything that was happening.

[697] Oh, wow.

[698] Gianna, my friend whose apartment were out, She's like heard me for a thousand times, but she's like staring at me, wide eyes.

[699] I'm looking at Jake.

[700] I'm like, oh, my God, I sharded.

[701] I get up.

[702] I have to check to make sure nothing was on the couch.

[703] Luckily, it ended at the chart.

[704] But you can hear me in the bathroom.

[705] I'm like crying, but also laughing.

[706] Because I'm like, this is hilarious.

[707] This is one of the greatest thing that's ever happened to me in my life, but also the most terrible thing that's maybe ever happened to me. You're giving yourself a whore's bath at this point, right?

[708] He can hear the sink going.

[709] Yeah, I am using so many baby white.

[710] And what are you going to do with your underwear because you're going to have to come out of the bathroom with them or you're going to leave them in Gina's spot and say like, I'll pick these up later.

[711] So I put them in the trash, like immediately discarded.

[712] Yeah, smart.

[713] Poor Gina.

[714] Is that her name?

[715] What's her name?

[716] Gianna.

[717] Oh, it's close.

[718] Giana.

[719] You can call her Gina, though.

[720] No, we're trying to work on getting it right.

[721] No. Well, yeah.

[722] yeah we are i call her g now g's got a deal with this she was an absolute angel i'm sitting on the toilet i'm like talking out of the bathroom i'm like jake do you even want to date me anymore like you can go home you don't have to say he thinks it's hilarious like it's one of the funniest things that ever happened in his life too so giana comes into the bathroom after i've given myself a whore bath and she like gives me this like big pair of granny panties of dipe yeah basically just so unsexy and she kind of helped me get into them oh you've turned into a real baby yeah exactly i'm shaking a little it was such a mix of emotions honestly after we got the underwear on and realized that it hopefully wasn't going to happen again because i'm like a one shirt girl once it happens you're in the clear oh great you really know your system i mean to a point you didn't know the predictions i can't believe you turned on the life yeah everything i wanted to make it a production and he called it right out too he's like you just shit your pants that's what just happened yeah but we finished watching the episode that's great you just kept moving forward and you guys are still together which is great we are he actually asked me to be his girlfriend that weekend and i said no to him i know and looking back i'm like what an idiot this man has literally seen me shit my pants a little ungrateful is what I'd say.

[723] A little ungrateful.

[724] I didn't say no. I was like, I don't think I'm ready yet.

[725] I haven't been in a relationship for a while.

[726] And then I asked him to be my boyfriend.

[727] An hour later.

[728] I was like, I'm sorry.

[729] I shit the bet on that one.

[730] Because he probably accelerated the timeline because he was like, you know what?

[731] She shit herself on Thursday.

[732] She's probably feeling a little insecure.

[733] I'm going to shore her up and just go, let's, you know what, despite that let's go exclusive now.

[734] That is an act of kindness.

[735] Maybe a little bit of pity.

[736] Yeah, sure.

[737] Sure, absolutely.

[738] He's like, a lot of people who've heard this story now.

[739] And if she's not off the market, she might never be out there.

[740] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.

[741] Well, Hannah, that's great.

[742] What a moment to be alive.

[743] The person that is in the best spot is G, money.

[744] She's not the boyfriend.

[745] She doesn't have the responsibility of reacting correctly.

[746] She's not you who shit herself.

[747] She gets to enjoy all of it from a safe distance.

[748] Yeah, she just gets to laugh.

[749] We do Sunday night dinner with our friends.

[750] And I hadn't told anyone because I was like, this is really embarrassing.

[751] And at Sunday night dinner, we do peaks and valleys.

[752] And she was like, I think Hannah has a really good valley for this week.

[753] And I was like, gee.

[754] So yeah, she just gets pure entertainment from the story.

[755] Well, she deserves that.

[756] You left soiled undergarments in her trash can.

[757] So that's what she got out of the deal.

[758] I think I took them out with me. Okay, good.

[759] That's what I'm curious about it's like, you got to leave with your new boyfriend and you're going to be holding a grocery store bag wadded up.

[760] And then you're going to be like, I got to take these out to the dumpster.

[761] I'll be back.

[762] Oh, wow.

[763] Thank you, Jake.

[764] You handled it all well.

[765] And Hannah was great meeting you, and thank you for sharing that with us.

[766] Lovely meeting you as well.

[767] Take care.

[768] Bye.

[769] Bye.

[770] Hello, hello.

[771] Hello, Eli.

[772] Yes.

[773] How are you, sir?

[774] You're in a log cabin?

[775] I am in a log cabin, yeah.

[776] I'm towards the tail end of a nine -day road trip with three buddies and my girlfriend through Wyoming.

[777] Oh, my goodness.

[778] Where in Wyoming are you?

[779] Currently, we're about 20 minutes north of Jackson.

[780] It's called the Dornin Cabin.

[781] So like right out our front door.

[782] we have the grant T -totans out there.

[783] Okay.

[784] This is luxurious.

[785] 20 minutes north.

[786] Okay, so you're kind of by the airport a little bit, yeah?

[787] Yeah, just north of the airport.

[788] Okay, wonderful.

[789] What a place.

[790] Yeah, it's been a ton of fun.

[791] We did a couple days in Yellowstone, did a nine -hour, 160 -mile snowmobile tour.

[792] Oh, baby.

[793] We got an unguided permit, which was so much fun.

[794] Are you towing sleds, or do you rent them?

[795] We rented them.

[796] Wow, did you see wildlife while you were snowmobiling?

[797] We did.

[798] got super lucky so we saw two wolves my buddy was driving he's like i think those are wolves so we like stopped and got our binoculars so yeah that was cool we saw foxes moose elk ton of bison a lot of what the park had to offer we got to see on the first day which was amazing man that sounds fun very and that's a good decent story but this one of course is going to involve an embarrassing fart yes it is please set the stage for us all right so it's about two years ago was living in San Francisco, and it was with three of my best friends, and they were also my roommates at the time.

[799] One of my roommates works at a mission -rated restaurant in San Francisco, and he had been working there for about four years and had never eaten there as a guest.

[800] We decided that we were going to have a roommate's evening, and we got all dressed up and headed over to the restaurant.

[801] I think something important to note before all of this is I'm very lactose.

[802] Yes.

[803] And this is a time before.

[804] I was using lactate.

[805] So a lot of the dishes at this place are extremely decadent.

[806] We started off with a four -ounce caviar flight.

[807] And with the caviar flight is these soft -cooked eggs that are about a third cream, a third butter, a third egg.

[808] We ended up having to get more of the egg because we burned through those pretty quickly.

[809] Oh, oh.

[810] Okay.

[811] Wow, fucking fish eggs and eggs.

[812] We are rocking.

[813] Oh, yeah.

[814] From there, the chef sent out this pasta dish.

[815] So I was in this, like, cream sauce.

[816] And one of the waiters came out with, like, a baseball -sized truffle.

[817] Quick question.

[818] You know you're lactose intolerant.

[819] I similarly, I just went with Monica to a restaurant the other day.

[820] And I have some food allergies that will make my seretic arthritis act up that night, right?

[821] My knees will start burning and aching.

[822] And I will decide in the moment this is going to fuck me off.

[823] but I'm going to do it.

[824] So I guess my curiosity was like, is that where you were at where you're like, you know what, I'm going for it tonight and I'm going to pay the price, but I'm not going to not eat all this food.

[825] Yes.

[826] I think it was my brother just sent me a meme the other day that said my toxic trait is eating food that I know is going to mess up my stomach, but I'm just going to do it anyway.

[827] Right.

[828] So ended up doing that throughout the meal.

[829] For dessert, there was like a creme brulee and I think like a little cheesecake bites that they had.

[830] And so throughout the course of this meal, we had a few bottles of wine that we were drinking, and we were feeling good, and I was overindulging with everything that was put in front of us.

[831] We begin to walk outside, and I just feel like bubble guts sitting in.

[832] Upper guts go to lower guts, and I was like, we get into my buddy's car, and this restaurant was over in Pack Heights, and we lived in the Nopa neighborhood, which is about two miles from each other.

[833] And so we get into the car and I look at all my buddies and I'm like, guys, something's about to happen.

[834] My stomach is not doing so good at this particular moment.

[835] Oh, boy.

[836] And we had started going through this little neighborhood and we're approaching a four -way stop sign.

[837] I'm like telling them, like, guys, I'm going to let it rip.

[838] Like, I'm sorry, I got to do it.

[839] And I just screaming like, no, dude, like you got to hold it.

[840] But Eli, did it ever cross your mind, like, let me out of the car?

[841] I need to get out of this car and let out some air.

[842] No. No, we'd all lived together for quite some time.

[843] And so they were kind of well -versed with my digestive track.

[844] Okay.

[845] Not their first rodeo by any means.

[846] So my buddy Chase was driving.

[847] There was Ryan in the backseat, and there was also Gopi in the backseat.

[848] Gopi was raised in Hong Kong, and had never had any type of interaction with law enforcement before.

[849] Oh, boy.

[850] As they roll down the windows and they're screaming, no, I absolutely let it go.

[851] and Chase, in an attempt to have the smells go out of the windows, kind of speeds through a stop sign and hangs right.

[852] And what we didn't see is there was a police officer that was sitting at the corner that immediately pulled us over.

[853] Oh, boy.

[854] And we're all just like, oh, my God, what is happening right now?

[855] And Gopi's in the backseat just absolutely frozen.

[856] He's so afraid.

[857] He's like, dude, I've never spoke to a police officer before.

[858] I don't know what to expect.

[859] And would you mind quantifying the fart out of 10 smell and duration?

[860] Like, was it a 7?

[861] Was it an 8?

[862] Was it foul?

[863] It was like an 11.

[864] Oh, wow.

[865] Like someone had shit in the car.

[866] Yeah, it was like seven or eight seconds.

[867] And it was like one of those hot farts where you know that it's all bad.

[868] Yeah.

[869] One of the police officers walks up to my window.

[870] Another walks up to Chase's window.

[871] And we roll him down and he kind of leans in.

[872] He's like, do you know why I pulled you over?

[873] and I was about to say something.

[874] Chase kind of cut in and he's an absolute schmoozer.

[875] He's like, yeah, we were at dinner at my restaurant.

[876] I've worked there for four years.

[877] We've never eaten there before.

[878] So we were just having like a fancy night out.

[879] He doesn't introduce the fart into the conversation.

[880] No. I was like leading that direction.

[881] But he was just like we had dinner and now we're going home.

[882] We live about a mile from here.

[883] So he takes Chase's ID.

[884] They both go back to their car.

[885] They're doing whatever they're doing in the back.

[886] And then a couple minutes later, they walk back.

[887] up and the same officer walked to my window and he looked at me and he's like you looked like you were about to say something and i like look over and chase and chase is like dude don't do it and i was like i'm a little lactose and i let loose a super gnarly fart and the cop like looked at me and started laughing and looked at his partner and he's like is that why you guys were like speeding through the stop sign and we were like yeah and both cops just started laughing all we saw is you guys pull up, roll through the stop sign, roll down your windows, and start screaming and take off.

[888] Yeah, like begging them to pull you over.

[889] Yeah.

[890] So that was the first time that one of my farts had gotten us tangled with the cops, and then it got us untingled with the cops all at the same time.

[891] They let us off at the morning.

[892] They're like, you guys only live a mile from here?

[893] We said yes.

[894] So, yeah, they ended up letting us go.

[895] And when I was texting my buddies, letting him know I was going to do this and seeing if I could use their names, Gopi was like, dude, I can still smell that fart.

[896] Because it's good.

[897] Oh, wow.

[898] Oh, God.

[899] Powerful.

[900] You must be a great friend that they're overlooking that.

[901] Yeah.

[902] It's a regular occurrence.

[903] They live with you and they've decided, you know, it's worth it.

[904] But that's like Aaron?

[905] Totally.

[906] 10 % of the day, there's a cloud around him that is stank.

[907] I smelled one and I was like, I've never smelled anything like that.

[908] Yeah, they're powerful.

[909] My whole life.

[910] Where were you?

[911] In the same trippery snored.

[912] Oh, okay.

[913] He is not the greatest showing.

[914] for Aaron.

[915] Okay.

[916] Was he having some dairy issues as well?

[917] He has life issues.

[918] He's had the same gas since we were 11 years old and it's never ever let up.

[919] And he's only had like three or four firm bowel movements in his whole life.

[920] So yeah, clearly something's going on, but nothing he's curious about investigating.

[921] That's too funny.

[922] Well, Eli, thanks for making time for us on this exciting Voyager on.

[923] Yeah, of course.

[924] I'm jealous, man. I really wish I had done a eight -hour ride through the Yellowstone on snowmobiles.

[925] You're going to say you're jealous of that fart.

[926] I'm glad I wasn't in that car, no. Yeah, I'm grateful.

[927] You were unwilling to get out, but I might have gotten out.

[928] Car moving.

[929] Sure.

[930] Anything under 10, I can handle it.

[931] Well, nice meeting you.

[932] Continue having a wonderful trip.

[933] It sounds so dreamy.

[934] We'll do.

[935] We're about to go do a little snowshoeing right after this.

[936] Oh, wow.

[937] Have fun.

[938] All right.

[939] Well, be careful out there.

[940] A lot of wildlife.

[941] Nice meeting you.

[942] Take care.

[943] Bye.

[944] Have you thought of any more farts?

[945] No, but I just let out a little tiny one just now.

[946] You did?

[947] Wow.

[948] Here's Katie.

[949] See what?

[950] It hurts.

[951] I know, but that's what I'm saying.

[952] You're not holding one in right now.

[953] No, I'm not because my body knows not to make them.

[954] It sounds like you're saying I could choose to not have a lot of farts.

[955] I think if you held your farts for like four years, they would stop.

[956] Hi, Katie.

[957] We're in the middle of the debate about my own farts.

[958] Well, because Zach's just farted, because he got inspired by this topic.

[959] No, just very modest, and I'm quite confident that it's a Badelli.

[960] Wait, it's a Badelli.

[961] Oh, no, it's not a Badelli.

[962] I'm sorry.

[963] It's friendly, silent but friendly, as Delta calls them.

[964] This was actually my worst nightmare for today's call.

[965] I was a little bit nervous, had a little bit of a nervous tummy today, and I was like, what if I have my embarrassing fart on the call?

[966] That would be amazing.

[967] We would be ecstatic, as you might guess.

[968] I'm sure.

[969] Where are you at, Katie?

[970] I'm in Boston.

[971] Oh, wonderful.

[972] You know, we have these pretty reoccurring cities.

[973] Yes, Chicago, Boston, Denver.

[974] Yep, Canada.

[975] Canada is the city of Canada.

[976] Okay, so you're in Boston.

[977] Is this the scene of your embarrassing fart?

[978] No, it is New Hampshire.

[979] Oh, okay.

[980] That makes sense.

[981] It's a very organic place, New Hampshire.

[982] Very gassy state.

[983] You're very natural.

[984] Home of Ben and Jerry's.

[985] lactose intolerant.

[986] So it was 2014.

[987] I just moved to Boston with my boyfriend.

[988] He's from New Hampshire.

[989] He went to school in the city.

[990] So this was a real homecoming for him.

[991] And it was a pretty big deal for us because we had been dating for about a year.

[992] And it was like, hey, I want to move back home.

[993] Come on with me. Yeah, that's a big, big move.

[994] Big deal.

[995] I'm from Florida.

[996] So this was a change.

[997] And so about a month after we had been here, his parents called.

[998] They're still in New Hampshire.

[999] They're in his.

[1000] childhood home.

[1001] And they were like, hey, guys, we'd love for you to come up for the weekend.

[1002] We'd love to spend more time with Katie.

[1003] Because at this point, I had met his parents once they came into town for a Red Sox game.

[1004] And then I met his dad down in Florida for a weekend.

[1005] But otherwise, didn't know these guys.

[1006] And then they said, also, we've invited your aunt Nancy from Raleigh.

[1007] So she's going to be flying in.

[1008] And it was like, great, time with the family.

[1009] So we drove up, it's about an hour and a half away.

[1010] And we all went out to dinner.

[1011] We had a great time together.

[1012] At a chain restaurant?

[1013] No, it was a little Korean spot.

[1014] It's not there anymore.

[1015] Okay.

[1016] Sometimes you can predict what's going to happen, you know?

[1017] If you go hard at Chili's or TGI Fridays.

[1018] You don't want to allegedly.

[1019] Yeah, allegedly, I have troubles there.

[1020] Okay.

[1021] Had a really nice meal.

[1022] And I should say, too, to also like set the stage here, they take great pride in their home.

[1023] So it's an old cape from the 18th century.

[1024] They've been there for 40, years.

[1025] They've been slowly renovating the whole house.

[1026] They want to keep a lot of the original touches.

[1027] They also have a really nice antique rug collection, so like hand woven from all over the world.

[1028] Oh, wow.

[1029] Okay.

[1030] All I heard is absorbent fabric.

[1031] So we come back to the house.

[1032] We're all hanging out in the living room.

[1033] His parents are great.

[1034] His aunt's great.

[1035] We're all just laughing, chatting, having a good time.

[1036] We open up a bottle of red wine.

[1037] And then Mike pulls out Jenga.

[1038] So at this point, we love playing Jenga.

[1039] We're super competitive.

[1040] Yeah, it was nine years ago.

[1041] Jenga still pretty hot.

[1042] Yeah, pretty hot back then.

[1043] But we would play at home just the two of us and we'd play for like, who's going to do the dishes for the week or make the bed or back rubs, like stuff like that.

[1044] Fun.

[1045] So we set it up on the coffee table and things are getting pretty heated, pretty quick.

[1046] We play by the official rules.

[1047] You can only use one hand when you're pulling out the bricks.

[1048] And so it's getting, you know, pretty tense.

[1049] And I had been sitting all.

[1050] on the sofa and kind of like leaning over onto the coffee table to pull out the bricks.

[1051] I need a little bit more stability.

[1052] I need to get low, get on eye level with this Jenga tower.

[1053] And so I decided that that looked like a full on catchers position squat.

[1054] Right, that makes sense.

[1055] Which actually in hindsight, like you're kind of balancing on your toes a little bit.

[1056] No, you're very unstable, very unstable in that position.

[1057] You're better off going straight to the knees.

[1058] I wish I had.

[1059] Okay, I didn't.

[1060] One of many mistakes that were made.

[1061] I'm pulling out this brick.

[1062] At this point, you can barely even breathe next to the tower.

[1063] This thing's going to fall any second.

[1064] And I'm in this catcher's position, very vulnerable.

[1065] Yeah, you're very splayed.

[1066] There's no hiding in this position.

[1067] No. And all of a sudden, the gas just rolls through me like a freight train.

[1068] I mean, there's no stop in this thing.

[1069] Comes on suddenly.

[1070] The moment you're feeling.

[1071] it, you're hearing it.

[1072] Oh, yeah.

[1073] Wow.

[1074] This is the biggest nightmare, no warning.

[1075] Pulling out the brick, I fart, the loudest fart.

[1076] It was like a fog horn.

[1077] Oh, went off in the living room.

[1078] Fargoor.

[1079] I fall over.

[1080] Oh, no. Taking the whole tower with me. Oh, my gosh.

[1081] I had an almost full glass of red wine sitting on the coffee table that the tower takes out, filling it all over one of those antique heirloom rugs.

[1082] This is like meet the parents or something.

[1083] Falkers.

[1084] And so I'm just laying on the ground in the fetal position.

[1085] I'm pretty sure I passed away for a couple of moments because my heart just stopped.

[1086] I am aware of his mom popping up instantly and heading into the kitchen to grab paper towel.

[1087] She starts like mixing this little paste together of like don dish soap with baking soda.

[1088] She's like laser focused on getting that stain out.

[1089] That's almost a blessing.

[1090] She's past the fart because we've got a panic now.

[1091] Yeah, I don't even know if she remembered that I farted.

[1092] She just knows I knocked over this glass line.

[1093] In fact, she's probably trying to sort out in her head.

[1094] What noise did I hear?

[1095] Was that the janga falling?

[1096] Was that the glass falling?

[1097] Yeah, that's the good news.

[1098] You created such a commotion.

[1099] A cacophony of noises.

[1100] Honestly, this is kind of a hack.

[1101] Yes.

[1102] Like, If you're going to fart like that, you might as well just fucking throw all the janga, throw the wine, like create such a scene.

[1103] Wait, I don't want to embarrass you further, but could you at least give me a sense of the duration?

[1104] Was it just a loud, or was it like?

[1105] Long.

[1106] It was long.

[1107] Yeah.

[1108] What did it smell?

[1109] Did it smell?

[1110] No, no, no. See, that's one thing about me. I'm a loud tutor, but I'm not a stinker.

[1111] Oh, that's preferred.

[1112] That's just a fun noise everyone gets to hear.

[1113] Right.

[1114] But how your butt.

[1115] If everyone was caught in a cloud after all that, and then people started going like, oh, and they're waving their hands, like trying to get fresh air in front of their face.

[1116] While they're dabbing, like they're holding their while dabbing the wine.

[1117] I'm on the floor as moms in the kitchen.

[1118] Mike and Nancy are just howling with laughter.

[1119] Like tears are streaming down their faces.

[1120] They're just loving this.

[1121] Of course.

[1122] His dad, he's more of a quiet type, more serious.

[1123] He's just sitting down very quietly and calmly says, did that just happen?

[1124] Oh, wow.

[1125] That's all I remember from that evening.

[1126] What about the boyfriend?

[1127] Yeah, what's he to do?

[1128] So the next day, we all went out to lunch together, and I ordered a lobster roll and the waitress was like, what would you like for your side?

[1129] What are my options?

[1130] She starts naming them off.

[1131] And then she gets to black beans.

[1132] And his dad goes, she doesn't need any of those.

[1133] Oh, he was trying out some comedy.

[1134] Okay.

[1135] But now he's my father -in -law.

[1136] So we love him.

[1137] The boyfriend is my husband.

[1138] I like to think that the toot was the thing that sealed the deal.

[1139] That's when he was like, right, this girl's a keeper.

[1140] Part of the family.

[1141] She's in the family now.

[1142] To be a family members to have humiliated yourself in front of one another and then still loved one another.

[1143] That's kind of part of how you know.

[1144] And just do it early on.

[1145] You know, I really rip the Band -Aid off with this.

[1146] I can't believe you fell over.

[1147] Oh, yeah.

[1148] Jenga, a fall, wine.

[1149] Was the rug irreversibly stained or was she able to salvage that?

[1150] I'm not too sure.

[1151] And my mother -in -law is the type of person that even if she couldn't salvage it, she wouldn't tell me and she would just quietly, like, turn the rug so that it was under some furniture.

[1152] Yeah, yeah.

[1153] So I don't know.

[1154] I'll have to ask her the next time we get together, but I don't even know if she would tell me. Kind of like that sleepwalking story you guys just had where the mom was like calling in April Fool's should try and save her.

[1155] I think it's that kind of deal.

[1156] Yeah.

[1157] Yeah.

[1158] Oh, wow.

[1159] That's great.

[1160] I would love to, again, it's a scene right out of a movie.

[1161] There's one, two, three.

[1162] Comedy comes in threes.

[1163] What a great thing for, I would be the aunt and uncle i would be so delighted and aunt nancy she officiated our wedding five years later but it wasn't in the vows well it could have been in one of those you know the best man's beach or the yeah the rehearsal dinner like that we knew katie was a keeper when she shit herself and crashed over every yeah she broke everything and fell over ruined our night we knew she was a keeper yeah everyone's pretty cool so it makes her a fun story now i will say it's really um wonderfully mixed messages because you looks very put together just as a person you look very on top of your shit That's a stereotype I know this is why girls feel like they can't because in order to have this presence, you shouldn't be farting Yeah, but it's like if Jackie Onassis farted really big, it's a little different than when Roseanne farts.

[1164] It's like she's crass and no you're not saying for the reason you think I'm saying you're the one who's racist I'm saying because she's crass and swears and she farts and you're like You'd expect it.

[1165] Right.

[1166] But if Jackie Onassis knocks the whole table full of games over and farts and falls, oh, you're like, whoa, I did not see that coming.

[1167] That's true.

[1168] But it's like that kid's book.

[1169] Everybody poops.

[1170] Everybody farts, you know?

[1171] That's right.

[1172] It doesn't exclude.

[1173] It knows no class.

[1174] That's right.

[1175] Oh, well, thank you, Katie, for sharing that.

[1176] That was glorious.

[1177] Thank you.

[1178] This was a lot of fun.

[1179] So I really appreciate being invited on here.

[1180] Oh, yes.

[1181] Our pleasure.

[1182] Great to meet you.

[1183] You guys, too.

[1184] All right.

[1185] Have a great night.

[1186] All right.

[1187] Take care.

[1188] See you.

[1189] That had a lot of laughs, gaffs and laughs.

[1190] That was fun.

[1191] All innocent fun.

[1192] Very.

[1193] Well, of course.

[1194] Like, farts are ultimately innocent.

[1195] They're cute.

[1196] Yeah, they're silly and funny.

[1197] Yeah, they're never going to be dangerous.

[1198] Well, what's great about it is it's a noise that you can't choose.

[1199] You know, you communicate, you click your fingers, you know what you're going to get.

[1200] You talk, you whistle.

[1201] But that every time you're like, who knows what's coming out.

[1202] So unexpected.

[1203] It is truly a horn in the back of you.

[1204] It's so weird.

[1205] Since I've never heard it, are yours loud?

[1206] When you are by yourself and you let them rip.

[1207] It depends.

[1208] But they can get loud?

[1209] They can get audible.

[1210] Sure, I'm sure I've had some that are so loud.

[1211] Oh, wow.

[1212] But that's rare.

[1213] Okay.

[1214] Your fear is more of the smell.

[1215] Of like why I wouldn't?

[1216] Yeah.

[1217] You're very worried that.

[1218] I'm so worried.

[1219] But also mine really only happen for the most part at night.

[1220] In bed.

[1221] Like I think that's when my body knows it's allowed.

[1222] Again, it's all training because I've slept by myself for 35 years.

[1223] So it knows this is safe.

[1224] So sometimes I'll fart in bed.

[1225] Sure.

[1226] Most people do, I think.

[1227] I wake myself up sometimes, as you know.

[1228] Well, that's a different in the middle of the night, like your body, yeah.

[1229] Yeah.

[1230] And if they're loud in the middle of the night, that'll spook you.

[1231] I've been spooked.

[1232] Oh my God, what's going on here?

[1233] I guess I only have nocturnal farts, like nocturnal seizures.

[1234] Yeah, you kind of go.

[1235] you all your naughty business at night.

[1236] I do all my private stuff at night.

[1237] Yeah.

[1238] My gross stuff.

[1239] Yeah.

[1240] Get it all out there.

[1241] Oh.

[1242] That was fun.

[1243] I loved it.

[1244] It was so cute.

[1245] Oh, two, two, two, two.

[1246] All right.

[1247] Love you.

[1248] Love you.

[1249] Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[1250] I want to sing a tune or something?

[1251] We don't have a thing song for this new show.

[1252] So here I go, go, go.

[1253] We're going to ask some rain.

[1254] Random questions and with the help of armcherry's book, it's some suggestion.

[1255] On the flyer rhyme dish, on the flyer rindish, enjoy.

[1256] Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1257] You can listen to every episode of Armchair expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[1258] Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry. com slash survey.