Holiday Spectacular 2021

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[3] He's an armchair expert.

[4] Merry Christmas.

[5] Merry Christmas.

[6] Happy holidays.

[7] Happy holidays.

[8] Because this Christmas will be a very first Christmas.

[9] Is that what it is?

[10] D -D -D -D -D -D -D -D -D -D.

[11] Is that your favorite?

[12] Saga a dick, shrug a chef, we're the bank.

[13] Squeeze the buns, tickle the honey.

[14] Oh, boy.

[15] Well, listen to the brewing because Wabiwob just had a Christmas hot cocoa.

[16] I feel like you should have had a Christmas hot cocoa.

[17] Can you smell it?

[18] The cocoa in the air?

[19] A little bit.

[20] Your nose isn't great.

[21] Yes, it is.

[22] Oh, sorry.

[23] It's really good part of my identity.

[24] Oh, it is.

[25] Oh, okay.

[26] So we have a fun Christmas.

[27] event for you.

[28] Are you talking about this episode?

[29] Yeah.

[30] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[31] We have a real, well, I won't speak for you, but we have talked about it before.

[32] When asked what the highlight of this four years has been, always in the top three for me as the time Nora Jones came.

[33] Exactly.

[34] Into the attic, sat on the couch you're sitting on and played beautiful music.

[35] I know.

[36] And we really were having an out of body.

[37] Like, how did this come to be?

[38] Well, it happened again.

[39] Yeah.

[40] Even more intimate and fun.

[41] time she came to the living room and played the piano for Christmas.

[42] So fun.

[43] And so that's happening in this episode, but we're just, we're just buffering with some chit -chat.

[44] Yeah, or some Christmas thoughts.

[45] Yeah.

[46] I don't see my sleigh bells, by the way.

[47] Oh.

[48] Do you remember they went, Rob?

[49] I'm working Rob to the bone.

[50] You are.

[51] I know.

[52] I feel bad.

[53] You're asking about his sleigh bells?

[54] Well, it's just, we have them for a reason.

[55] I don't get to use them much.

[56] That's right.

[57] Oh, let's say accordion.

[58] Oh.

[59] He fell down a manhole.

[60] This feels like we're on big comfy couch.

[61] I know we're sitting here, spectating.

[62] No, Big Comfy Couch is a kid show.

[63] And it was a clown.

[64] And she had all this stuff in her couch.

[65] And so she would like pull stuff out.

[66] And it was like, yeah.

[67] I was all trapped in the cushions.

[68] Uh -huh.

[69] Okay.

[70] That's an old trope.

[71] I don't think we have.

[72] But thanks for looking and I feel bad you did.

[73] From us and ours to you and yours, Rob.

[74] Thank you for looking.

[75] Okay.

[76] I had the worst realization of it.

[77] Well, it started as a terrible realization about myself, but then I found my way out of it, I think.

[78] So I was wrapping Amy's present yesterday.

[79] Oh, wow.

[80] And I took a pretty long time.

[81] Sure.

[82] And it's, you've seen.

[83] There's two huge gifts.

[84] Yeah.

[85] And so tons of wrapping paper.

[86] Shout out to you.

[87] Thank you for dropping off.

[88] Thank you, Hallmark.

[89] Thank you, Hallmark for dropping off 100 plus rolls to Monaco, of which I got five.

[90] Yeah.

[91] I asked her four.

[92] You brought five.

[93] I appreciate it.

[94] I brought some for Kristen, too.

[95] Okay.

[96] I think she grabbed one of them.

[97] So I just saw five.

[98] Point is, is I was, like, pretty abnormally meticulous.

[99] Mind you, totally subconsciously.

[100] Like, I don't even realize I'm putting in a lot of effort into this thing.

[101] Uh -huh.

[102] And then it occurred to me, if I was wrapping this for Jess, I wouldn't be putting nearly this much effort into it.

[103] And I had wrapped a present for Matt previously.

[104] Uh -huh.

[105] And I left a little bit of the cardboard on the bottom of the box exposed.

[106] I hate that.

[107] I hate that.

[108] But it was Matt.

[109] Like, I wouldn't have done that if it was Amy.

[110] And then I realized how you wrap someone's present does tell you a little something about how you think of that person.

[111] How much you love them?

[112] It's not that.

[113] That's where I originally felt bad.

[114] Like, oh, why would I put more effort into Amy's than Matt's or into Jess's?

[115] Or yours, frankly.

[116] I would put more effort into yours.

[117] Oh, you would.

[118] No, because you guys put a lot of effort in.

[119] Just doesn't.

[120] Like, Jess will give you a present in a bag.

[121] Sure.

[122] He hates rapids.

[123] Which is fine.

[124] Like, none of it.

[125] None of it.

[126] There's no judgment.

[127] tied to any of it.

[128] But since he's not throwing in any effort, I don't give a fuck.

[129] Like, you can just be lightly covered in the corner.

[130] Or maybe even not visible under the tree, just point to the corner.

[131] There's your present.

[132] See, surprise.

[133] So a couple things.

[134] One, I get that because more it's that if you wrapped it really, really, really nice and gave it to Jess, like he might not even notice.

[135] That's right.

[136] That's right.

[137] And so you don't, who cares?

[138] But Amy might notice because she knows what it's like to rap well.

[139] Exactly.

[140] Same with me. Yeah.

[141] But when you just said point, that's like, not to throw them under the bus, but this is what my mom does and I don't like it.

[142] Oh, what does she do?

[143] What does she?

[144] She just, like, uses old bags.

[145] Okay.

[146] Like from Pigley Wiggly?

[147] No, like from last year's Christmas, but not so that's from 1999 because every year it's reused.

[148] And it's a reused piece of wrapping paper?

[149] Bags.

[150] She likes the bags.

[151] Like decorative bags.

[152] They don't say a brand name on them.

[153] Do they like Hudson or?

[154] No. No, no, gift bags.

[155] Oh, gift bags.

[156] You know what I mean?

[157] Decorative bags.

[158] Yeah, like a Santa on it.

[159] Yeah.

[160] That's her thing.

[161] She loves bags.

[162] Yes, because she doesn't want to wrap.

[163] Oh.

[164] So that's not what I would have guessed with her.

[165] Oh, yeah, no. She doesn't want to wrap.

[166] She just throws them in bags, but then she reuses the bags.

[167] And so sometimes it says, like, to Monica, I'll open it.

[168] And it's not for me because it was an old one.

[169] It's a jock strap.

[170] That's what he wants.

[171] For Neal sports programs.

[172] So then I'm annoyed because then I've opened a gift.

[173] That's not mine.

[174] I'm like, can't you just not reuse the bags or can you just make sure that the name says the right thing and just like no effort?

[175] Yeah.

[176] And she's sitting there just panicked.

[177] Like, what's going to set you off?

[178] Yeah, actually probably.

[179] Oh, God, what's going to set Monica off?

[180] Do we get all the bags correctly labeled?

[181] She might be scared that something's going to set me out, but she's not doing anything to fix it.

[182] I can relate.

[183] I think I have Nirmal's role in your life.

[184] I'm like, oh, shit, this is going to piss her off.

[185] But then I'm not going to, like, I'm, you know, I got to be me. Oh.

[186] Norma's got to be her.

[187] She's got to throw shit in a bag and keep it moving.

[188] Well, if I know something's going to piss you off, I try not to do it.

[189] Me too.

[190] If it's within my realm.

[191] But, like, Norma is not going to start wrapping gifts.

[192] No, she doesn't have to.

[193] She's probably setting her ways as far as how she's going to be like a late, late in life present wrap.

[194] She's not.

[195] Although she is changing.

[196] I mean, now that she's retired, she's, like, changing.

[197] She's super into plants.

[198] She's really much happier so much.

[199] Oh, she is?

[200] Yes.

[201] Oh, that's incredible because, you know, so many people get really depressed after they retire.

[202] No, she is loving it.

[203] She is.

[204] It looks good on her.

[205] Yeah.

[206] Oh, fuck.

[207] Yeah.

[208] That makes me so happy.

[209] Yeah, like my Papa Bob, favorite male to ever live.

[210] Yep.

[211] You worked at Wonderbread Bakery.

[212] As you know, for like 45 years, he carried these 80 -pound bags of flour throughout the plant all day long, and his biceps were to be.

[213] to be seen, to be noticed, to be appreciated, to be envied.

[214] Yeah.

[215] I think that's why I have this bicep thing.

[216] Oh.

[217] We're like, I want to have big biceps because Papa Bob did.

[218] And I just felt so safe around him.

[219] Anyways, moving on.

[220] When he retired, he got really depressed, really, really bad.

[221] Because he was such a social butterfly, and he'd walk around that plant.

[222] And what was nice is he wasn't stuck at a station.

[223] He kind of, like, went all over.

[224] Yeah.

[225] So he just got to chat with everybody.

[226] And then so he was increasingly loitering around grocery stores.

[227] Oh.

[228] Because he knew the staff pretty well.

[229] He always did all the shopping for Ulyss and Bob, for my grandparents.

[230] He was the shopper.

[231] Uh -huh.

[232] And he would spend fucking sometimes two, three hours.

[233] It was one of my grandma's complaint.

[234] Like, if you sent Bob Alu to the grocery store, hopefully he's back by dinner time.

[235] Okay.

[236] Because he can in there and start chatting with the cashiers and the baggers, and he was just very friendly.

[237] He was so thirsty for interaction that he used to get at his job that I think he was depressed.

[238] Yeah.

[239] Well, not think he was very depressed.

[240] Some people don't.

[241] I don't think my dad will handle it as well.

[242] No, he's going to, he should work until he's in his coffin box.

[243] I think he might.

[244] Yeah.

[245] Oh, also back to ding, ding, ding, Papa Bob, Wonderbread.

[246] I got you a really cute Wonderbread ornament.

[247] Oh, my God, super, super duper cute.

[248] Anna Bob's Big Boy.

[249] Or Elias Brothers, depending regionally where you're at.

[250] Sure.

[251] But we're in California, so it's a Bob's.

[252] So cute.

[253] Now, presents protocol at your house.

[254] How does Christmas morning work?

[255] Yes.

[256] And is it working?

[257] working the same way as it did in your childhood, or is it evolved?

[258] No, because now I want to sleep until like 11.

[259] Yeah, sure.

[260] So now I'm the latest to wake up.

[261] I try to wake up earlier, but I'm too tired.

[262] I know.

[263] Yeah.

[264] But when I was little, I was, I couldn't sleep.

[265] You know, I was so excited.

[266] I love presents.

[267] Yeah.

[268] I was so excited.

[269] And me and my best friend, Kim, she also was too excited.

[270] And we talked a lot about how we would just like stay up all night and read, babysitters club little sister books all night and stay up.

[271] Oh my God.

[272] And so then when we realized we both shared this, I mean, no, we were in middle school when we realized that we were the same in this regard.

[273] We decided to start a tradition we would just talk on the phone.

[274] Oh, I kind of remember this.

[275] You had the ostensible goal of going all night.

[276] Yeah, because we were already up all night.

[277] Like we might as well chat.

[278] Yeah.

[279] It's called our Christmas call.

[280] Okay.

[281] And we've been doing it every year since...

[282] Seventh grade?

[283] Probably seventh grade.

[284] And how long will you stay on the phone?

[285] So now...

[286] Oh.

[287] So you said it.

[288] Growing pain?

[289] Yeah.

[290] Well, first, my parents were really pissed because the first year I was like, I was going to call in the middle of the night.

[291] We have a new tradition.

[292] Oh, my God.

[293] And they were like, in the middle of the night, no, that'll wake us all up.

[294] Right.

[295] We had Christmas Mass, so we couldn't start our call until, like, one.

[296] Oh, my goodness.

[297] Yeah, one or two.

[298] That's when they got home from Christmas Mass. Christmas Mass is Midnight Mass. Those Christians go hard.

[299] I didn't realize they went that hard in the paint on Christmas Eve.

[300] Yeah, Midnight Mass. They go all the way to Christmas morning, I guess.

[301] Well, not all of them, but I think.

[302] Oh, Midnight Mass. That sounds familiar.

[303] My family did Midnight Mass. They did?

[304] Yeah, yeah.

[305] And you get done at what time?

[306] Like 12.

[307] 132.

[308] Oh, my God.

[309] Why are they doing that?

[310] Do we know?

[311] Because baby Jesus.

[312] Oh my God I thought of a pretty funny joke That I I'm scared Okay go ahead I don't know why I never thought of this But I was like In so many ways Jesus had it made Because he could walk on water He could turn water into wine The fucking worst birthday in the world Because it's Christmas He's born on Christmas Yeah I know You can't have it all That was my conclusion Even Jesus didn't have it all That's right The worst birthday you can have That's right On Christmas day He invented the worst birthday Yeah But, yeah, he also had it.

[313] That's right.

[314] Yeah.

[315] So, okay, so Midnight Mass, and then she was going to call around two.

[316] Yeah.

[317] And my parents said, no. This is the stupidest plan, and I love it.

[318] My parents said no. This is before I had my own phone line.

[319] Oh.

[320] And I said, yes, that's happening.

[321] Oh, wow.

[322] And then, and so we unplugged all the phones except one.

[323] That, I was hoping that was where you were going to take this.

[324] So it didn't wake anybody up, but me. And she called it, too.

[325] Yeah, we talked to all.

[326] I'm excited when the phone ran out too.

[327] Were you getting sleepy, as it called?

[328] No, more and more excited by the minute.

[329] Oh, okay.

[330] And we talked all night, and then we did that for years, and now we have to set our alarm.

[331] Really quick.

[332] How late is all night?

[333] The first time, how long to go?

[334] Like three in the morning?

[335] Three?

[336] No, like seven.

[337] Oh, my God.

[338] And then you guys went to bed?

[339] No, we were up.

[340] So you didn't sleep at all Christmas.

[341] No, the whole point is that we couldn't sleep.

[342] You're such an addict.

[343] I'm so glad you never found cocaine.

[344] So Wabiwa, what time would you Christians wake up?

[345] If you were out till 2 in the morning, what time were you waking up?

[346] I was always the first one up.

[347] At what time?

[348] Like seven.

[349] Okay.

[350] Did you read books because you were also excited about presents?

[351] Don't embarrass Wobby.

[352] Well, I stopped going to midnight mass at some point.

[353] What age?

[354] Once I got confirmed, I was allowed to not go to church.

[355] That seems counterintuitive.

[356] It seems like once you get confirmed, you'd have to go more.

[357] Well, no. They want to solidify that he's saved.

[358] That's when you become an adult.

[359] in the church, and you decide if you want to go to church or not anymore.

[360] Oh, my gosh.

[361] And then you decided not.

[362] Yeah.

[363] I haven't been to church since.

[364] But when you get confirmed, you're officially accepting the Lord Jesus into your heart in front everyone?

[365] I guess.

[366] So your next move after that was like, and I'm not going to church anymore.

[367] I was, my parents made us go to that point.

[368] Did you have to do the thing where you jump in the pool?

[369] No, that's just baptism.

[370] That's like a born -again adult.

[371] Yeah, yeah.

[372] That's if you're not bad.

[373] When I was an infant, I was.

[374] Oh, yeah, they'd sprinkle some water on me. I was double baptized.

[375] Why do they?

[376] They only have to sprinkle water on the baby.

[377] But then if you're an adult, you have to jump in a pool.

[378] That's enough for me to not, because I don't know if I can swim.

[379] I think you get dunked as a baby.

[380] Oh, you do?

[381] Or at least you used to.

[382] But someone dunks you on.

[383] You're right, though.

[384] I do have an image of them pouring water over the baby's forehead and holding them over the bucket of holy water.

[385] You shouldn't call it a bucket.

[386] Whatever the thing is that gathers, recaptures the holy water.

[387] Probably be weird if you do that with a little bit.

[388] grown man, though.

[389] I prefer it.

[390] What about people who can't swim?

[391] Well, Jesus will help them.

[392] That's the whole point.

[393] It is.

[394] That's when you find out.

[395] Okay.

[396] We got to be careful because it is his birthday.

[397] That's what we're selling.

[398] We can inquire about the rituals.

[399] He likes Joe.

[400] Surrounding his birthday.

[401] I think I told you this, but I was baptized twice by competing grandparents without my parents' knowledge or permission.

[402] I just came home from a weekend with them and I had been baptized by both.

[403] My parents have asked if they could do that with Calvin.

[404] Oh, they'd have, yeah.

[405] She's not baptized.

[406] Right.

[407] Grandparents do have a lot of opinions on baptism.

[408] I have noticed that.

[409] I'm, you know, whatever.

[410] I don't really care.

[411] I started, as I think I've said this on here, but I started really, of course, with a chip on my shoulder about it.

[412] Primarily the thing I was nervous about is I didn't want any of the Gagas to be teaching the kids about hell, the devil, or sin.

[413] I just didn't want those concepts in my kids' minds.

[414] Sure.

[415] That's a lot.

[416] But I really, I loosened on the whole thing.

[417] I'm like, you know what?

[418] My grandparents were super religious.

[419] They baptized me. You know, I still was my own person.

[420] Why do I?

[421] It's great.

[422] They're exposed to more ideas and thoughts and passions and love and who cares.

[423] But boy, it took me a minute.

[424] I get that.

[425] Okay, so no one really answered the question I was looking for.

[426] So I'll go with my protocol.

[427] Because the children woke up so early in our house, there was a period where there was five children.

[428] You know, I had a stepbrother and sister.

[429] And, you know, we'd be up by, I guess, maybe 5 .30 or something.

[430] And my parents obviously didn't want to fuck with that.

[431] So the rule in my house was you could start your stocking at any time.

[432] Oh.

[433] It's pretty good.

[434] I recommend this.

[435] I didn't have stockings.

[436] So if you want to come down at 4 a .m. fucking go crate.

[437] Why do you have stockings?

[438] Because my parents, they're not Christian.

[439] Well, not either.

[440] So they're only trying to, they're like doing their best.

[441] Well, they didn't do.

[442] The fucking stocking is a huge part of it.

[443] Listen, you're giving me a little bit of triggers because this is sort of me. Molly were talking about this recently because our friend Molly, who we think is AI, she doesn't love Christmas, which is interesting.

[444] She doesn't.

[445] That's very off brand.

[446] But she's liking it more and more.

[447] Okay.

[448] But she said part of it is because she never felt like everything was in order.

[449] Like she kind of had to do it.

[450] Like she would get the tree for mom and like it never was really right, you know?

[451] And I can sort of relate.

[452] And probably when she had buddies over, it was like it was a little underdecorated.

[453] Right.

[454] Exactly.

[455] And that's how I felt like Kim, ding, ding, ding, Christmas call Kim.

[456] Yeah.

[457] Her parents, she lived in an incredible house.

[458] And it was always, like, decorated to the tea.

[459] Like better homes and gardens.

[460] Yes.

[461] Huge wreaths outside, like on the window.

[462] Oh, my God.

[463] A Christmas wonderling.

[464] I was so jealous.

[465] Because then I come in and my house has nothing except our little tree.

[466] A cracker.

[467] Did they put walnuts out?

[468] My parents?

[469] Yeah.

[470] No. Okay, but isn't it weird people put walnuts out for Christmas?

[471] Is for nutcrackers.

[472] I know, but why is that anything?

[473] Did Jesus love nuts and cracker?

[474] No, the nutcracker is a Christmas play.

[475] I know, but we should, we have a food.

[476] Like, we don't have Grinch treats as a staple, and that's more popular than the nutcracker.

[477] I don't think people put walnuts out as much as they put nutcrackers out.

[478] And then a big hunk of walnuts, because that's what you use a nutcracker to crack.

[479] You don't crack almonds with the nutcracker.

[480] I know, I know, but they're not like...

[481] You know, they thought they were good for your brain because it looks.

[482] It looks like a brain.

[483] Walnuts are good for your brain.

[484] They have a lot of omegas.

[485] Oh, then they still are.

[486] But I think originally that's thought that because it resembled the brain when you open it up with all the convolutions, all the wrinkles.

[487] Oh, God.

[488] This is reminding me one time I had to make a pot.

[489] Not had to.

[490] I decided to make a pie for Christmas.

[491] Oh, my God.

[492] Ding, ding, ding.

[493] At my parents' house.

[494] And it was a chocolate chip walnut pie.

[495] Walnut and chocolate chip.

[496] Yes.

[497] Great combo, by the way.

[498] I love it.

[499] Problem is I did not have.

[500] a nutcracker and couldn't open any of these walnuts it was a disaster you know what you do well okay tell me it's too late but maybe i'll make it this year oh no we have a time machine oh okay you would take a kitchen towel uh -huh you'd lay like 10 or 15 walnuts on top of the towel then cover it uh -huh and then take a hammer and bang bang bang bang bang bang open up the towel you're going to have walnuts really yeah they're going to be everywhere okay it's going to be an infestation of walnuts.

[501] I think I did use a hammer ultimately, but like it didn't, I didn't do it with all that stuff.

[502] And I didn't get, I got like six tiny pieces of walnut.

[503] It was mainly chocolate chip pie.

[504] Was it good?

[505] So good.

[506] Okay, good.

[507] Then that's a positive story.

[508] Okay, so Aaron and I were talking, you know, way too long about this as you would expect.

[509] But we were talking about, um, mama me, a popa pee, a baby got a diarrhea.

[510] This is a very popular saying in my elementary school.

[511] Was it in yours?

[512] No. You never heard Mamma Mia, Papa Pia, baby got diarrhea.

[513] Nope.

[514] Rob?

[515] I've never heard of that either.

[516] Oh, my God.

[517] The regional.

[518] Fuck.

[519] Although Rob, yeah, Midwest.

[520] Yeah.

[521] You've never heard that.

[522] Okay, anyways, Erin and I were saying, we were just talking about Mama Mia, Papa Pia, baby got diarrhea.

[523] And I said, you know, someone was the first to say that, which is a wild thought.

[524] Someone made up Mama Mia, Papa Pia baby got a diarrhea.

[525] Sure.

[526] And then what I concluded, I think this is pretty good forensic work.

[527] What probably happened is sometime in the 1600s in Italy, a family brought their baby to the doctor because it was ill. And the doctor looked at the mom and said, Mamma Mia.

[528] Then looked at the dad and said, a papa pee.

[529] Baby's got a diarrhea.

[530] Like that's what's wrong with the baby.

[531] Mama Mia, Papa Pia.

[532] Baby's got diarrhea.

[533] It's no big deal.

[534] So we decided we want to take the time machine back to that moment in, in rural.

[535] rural Italy when that doctor first proclaimed, ah, mamma mea, a papa bea, baby's got a diarrhea, it's a fine.

[536] Wouldn't that be a moment to witness?

[537] And then they, they would think that was funny because it kind of rhymed.

[538] Then they'd tell their friends.

[539] So we took Dorian to the doctor.

[540] It turns out was just diarrhea, but the doc said, mama me, papapia.

[541] And then their friends like that story so much they told it.

[542] And we're now still doing it.

[543] I'm going to let you believe that.

[544] Okay, back to protocol, popping back into protocol so the kids could tear open those stockings.

[545] And they were good.

[546] My mom did a really good job stockings.

[547] There was a lot going on there.

[548] You could really entertain yourself for a couple hours until the folks were up.

[549] And then they are handed out, and they are handed out from youngest to oldest.

[550] And I really like this.

[551] I really like this plan.

[552] They get all of them?

[553] Yeah, so basically an adult would enter the fray, all the presents in front of the tree, and they would start handing them all out, and you'd start building piles.

[554] Okay.

[555] And then everyone would have a pile in front of themselves, and then you'd start with the baby.

[556] What we did.

[557] You did that too?

[558] We did one by one from youngest to oldest.

[559] Yeah, I like that.

[560] Do you want to try that with your family this year?

[561] What do you guys do?

[562] Just ignore each other.

[563] It is.

[564] You guys are selfish.

[565] It's not me. My parents...

[566] This is...

[567] Their fault, not mine.

[568] I did my best.

[569] I actually put up fake stockings, not fake, but stockings, and there's nothing in them.

[570] Oh, no. But I just, I know.

[571] It's sad.

[572] I had to go to Joanne's fabrics, and I had to buy some accoutrema.

[573] And I put it up myself to make the house look as pretty as I could.

[574] But I only had so many dollars.

[575] I have a whole fantasy about you as a little kid, where you were kind of like a kid boss.

[576] And did you have a driver?

[577] I imagine you had like a town car dedicated to you so you could go go to the fabric store and stuff.

[578] You're missing every, I'm telling you, I felt so out of place that I myself, as a kid, as a young teenager, business person, went to Joanne's, got a whole bunch of stuff to make the house look Christmas on my own.

[579] It's so sweet.

[580] But in my children's book version of you, you have a town car.

[581] Fuck, that just gave me an idea.

[582] Oh, no. I think I'm going to write a children's book about this boss.

[583] That's kind of like Madeline.

[584] No, this one, this bitch is running.

[585] This bitch is a CEO, this child.

[586] Oh, okay.

[587] And that's going to be about you.

[588] Stay tuned.

[589] Anyway, okay, so in the morning, we all come down.

[590] And then it's just assholes and elbows.

[591] Everyone goes crazy and just bumps into each other and tear.

[592] It's kind of like, this is for you.

[593] Does anyone see the present they gave each other?

[594] No, you do.

[595] You do.

[596] But it's just like, this is for you.

[597] But your father, you know, he was clicking into a crazy custom here in the U .S. And we're nuts about it.

[598] It had to be hard for.

[599] for him to wrap his head around.

[600] No, the fervor at which you get on December 1st, or I do, you know, he doesn't.

[601] He doesn't have that about anything.

[602] Right, right.

[603] So I'm just, you know, I think what I'm saying is, I think he did the best he could.

[604] He didn't do anything.

[605] My mom did the best she could.

[606] Yeah, he didn't do anything.

[607] He let her do everything.

[608] Would he ever drink beer while the presents were being open?

[609] No, I've never seen that.

[610] No morning drinking Christmas.

[611] It's nice.

[612] It is nice.

[613] How do you see the presents, you just stop what you're doing?

[614] doing and watch her mom open the present you got her?

[615] Yeah, basically.

[616] Okay.

[617] So is it over in like six minutes?

[618] Yes, it's very fast.

[619] There's also a lot of cooking that's happening that morning because everyone comes over around one.

[620] Who's everyone?

[621] The rest of the family.

[622] Oh, great.

[623] So they're all, so it's a big, big affair.

[624] Oh, yeah.

[625] It's a full, it's a whole day thing.

[626] And the people come over on.

[627] Yep.

[628] My parents host.

[629] No stock.

[630] Everyone comes over.

[631] Everyone brings a presence.

[632] Same present fervor happens.

[633] Okay.

[634] And then we eat.

[635] Oh.

[636] And what do you eat?

[637] Ham.

[638] I am.

[639] Sometimes we've had steaks, sometimes, which is fun.

[640] Different stuff, you know.

[641] Oh, my God.

[642] Should you bring back like six farmers market ribbyes in your check -in?

[643] I'm not bringing that out on the plane.

[644] Okay.

[645] Isn't it a check -in?

[646] They're frozen.

[647] You'd freeze them.

[648] They'd be dead frozen when you got to Atlanta.

[649] It's only four hours later.

[650] You're not going to like this, but my dad likes things well done.

[651] Well, look, that's okay.

[652] And I kind of wanted, this is a great public service.

[653] Service announcement.

[654] I got two of them coming up, by the way.

[655] Okay.

[656] Okay, one is liberate yourself.

[657] I think a lot of people grew up hearing you don't overcook good meat.

[658] And that is certainly true for a filet.

[659] There's no need to cook a filet much because there's not much fat in it.

[660] It's a pretty lean cut.

[661] As you're getting into the rib eyes and the New York strips, I would urge people to push it to medium because you really want all that fat, that beautiful marbling, you want it to melt within the beef.

[662] And you've got to cook it longer for that.

[663] I love medium.

[664] But they think they're betraying some meat rule.

[665] Yeah.

[666] This is what people get so religious, ding, ding, ding, about the dogma around these things.

[667] And they feel like they're violating some principle.

[668] But there's no principle.

[669] The principle is you eat that taste, the most tasty version it is.

[670] And so try a bunch of versions.

[671] They try to pose it as your uncouth.

[672] Yeah.

[673] And I don't like that.

[674] Yeah, you don't like status bullshit.

[675] Yeah, you don't like that.

[676] Stay tuned for more armchair expert.

[677] If you dare.

[678] We've all been there.

[679] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[680] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[681] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[682] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[683] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[684] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[685] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[686] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon Music.

[687] What's up guys?

[688] This is your girl Kiki and my podcast.

[689] is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[690] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[691] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[692] And I don't mean just friends.

[693] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[694] The list goes on.

[695] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[696] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[697] What do you guys like to eat on Christmas?

[698] What's your favorite Christmas food?

[699] You know, the tradition on Christmas Eve is my mom's meatballs, which you know I love.

[700] Delicious.

[701] And then shit on a shingle, my favorite fucking hors d 'oeuvre of all time.

[702] I got to have that last year because I was here for Christmas, remember?

[703] Yes.

[704] And what do you think?

[705] Oh, so good.

[706] This is the easiest recipe.

[707] Should I give this recipe out?

[708] Do you feel it's proprietary?

[709] To my aunt, I think.

[710] Okay.

[711] Okay.

[712] Here's what you do, gang.

[713] You start with a fatty ground beef.

[714] Try to get 20 % fat.

[715] That's where the sweet spot is.

[716] And then get some extra spicy Jimmy Dean's sausage, one tube of it.

[717] You're combining one tube.

[718] I think that's a pound with a pound of the ground beef.

[719] You just brown all that.

[720] You're putting any seasonings?

[721] A garlic salt.

[722] Okay.

[723] All right.

[724] Then you're going to cut up cubes of velvita.

[725] Too much.

[726] But if you're doing a pound of the Jimmy Deans and a pound of beef, don't be afraid of a pound of velvita.

[727] Okay.

[728] And get that all swarling around in your skillet.

[729] It's melted velvita, the two different kinds.

[730] And now you're going to scoop these out into these really cute, rye cocktail.

[731] Crackers, kind of.

[732] Well, they're pieces of bread, but they're small.

[733] They're probably two inches by two inches squared.

[734] Yeah.

[735] And they're these little rye.

[736] There's a loaf of these little rye things.

[737] They're in your grocery store.

[738] Scoop a spoonful out on each one.

[739] Put it on a cookie sheet.

[740] then a big dowsing of garlic salt all over the whole top then pop it in the oven at 350 and let those things brown and get crispy on the edges it's insane it's insane it shouldn't be as good as it is I ate so many last year I want that now my mouth is salivating okay what did you eat Rob for breakfast we have an egg casserole thing and monkey bread oh that's nice what's monkey bread It's like a Hungarian.

[741] It's like doughy, cinnamon.

[742] You pull it apart.

[743] We had it on New Year's last year.

[744] Erica made it.

[745] Okay.

[746] Are you Hungarian?

[747] No. It's not.

[748] Just Asian, right?

[749] Eastern European.

[750] Just Filipino.

[751] Yeah.

[752] Increasingly so.

[753] We explain that to everyone that Rob's ethnicity has changed yet again.

[754] We're not doing that.

[755] Well, as everyone knows if you have a, you're half of your child.

[756] Everyone knows this.

[757] Let's start with facts.

[758] You're half of your child.

[759] No. Yes.

[760] Yes, you're half of your child.

[761] No, your child is half of you.

[762] And you are half of your child.

[763] It's a two -way street.

[764] No, it's not.

[765] It is.

[766] So Rob's child is 12 .5 % Filipino or 25 %?

[767] He's 25 % Calvin, Calvin, so Rob, who is half his child is obviously 12 .5%.

[768] I'm not signing on to this.

[769] And if you get canceled for it, it's your fault.

[770] Okay, okay.

[771] Thank you, I guess, for giving the freedom to have.

[772] hang myself, as my mother would say.

[773] Well, ding, ding, ding.

[774] Are we allowed to say you got a second child on the way?

[775] Yeah.

[776] Yeah.

[777] Oh, my God.

[778] We haven't told everyone.

[779] This is a big reveal.

[780] February birth of a second Hollis.

[781] And so here's what's wild.

[782] This is really wild.

[783] His new child will also be 25 % Filipino.

[784] So he's picking up 12 .5 % of that child.

[785] No. So Rob is actually, Rob is now 25 % Filipino.

[786] And here's what's fucking nuts.

[787] If they have a third kid, he will be 30, he will be 30.

[788] 47 .5 % Filipino, more than his children.

[789] It is conceivable that if you guys kept going and you had five or six children, you would pass Natalie.

[790] So she, yeah, she doesn't gain any.

[791] She doesn't.

[792] Oh, she does.

[793] She does.

[794] She's half her kids.

[795] By this logic.

[796] By this logic, she could be pure Filipino.

[797] Yeah.

[798] I can't wait to see that.

[799] I can't wait to see a person who's 200 % Filipino.

[800] Oh, my God.

[801] That's an exciting proposition.

[802] Oh, wow.

[803] All right.

[804] Well, that's end of armchair expert.

[805] Well, it was fun.

[806] We're a fun run.

[807] Okay, wait, before we get into Nora, Rob got us a present.

[808] He got us a present, and also I would like to sing, you know.

[809] Oh, okay.

[810] Yeah.

[811] Okay.

[812] I saw a few people in the comments, probably only three, but I'm going to pretend that was consensus.

[813] They want to hear Elvis.

[814] They want to hear Elvis.

[815] It's like 300 of those comments.

[816] You saw 300?

[817] Yeah.

[818] Oh, great.

[819] Look at that.

[820] Okay.

[821] That is consensus.

[822] So you need to sing Elvis.

[823] Then we're going to move into.

[824] the second portion, which was pre -recorded with Nora and Kristen.

[825] So that's a fun evening we had that you hope you guys enjoy.

[826] Okay, well, you want to open that?

[827] Yes.

[828] So Wobby -Wob, first of all, I love you, Wabi -Wab.

[829] I know.

[830] Rob is so thoughtful.

[831] He is.

[832] He's so fucking thoughtful.

[833] He's such a hard worker.

[834] He's so meticulous.

[835] I'm so grateful for you.

[836] But also just an incredible gift giver.

[837] Incredible.

[838] I don't want to step on your toes because you're like the queen.

[839] No, Rob is incredible.

[840] But he is, if people don't remember, we want to.

[841] received a toronosaurus rex skull from wabiwob that's our shared present as well yeah it's a model of what will someday be a beautiful hotel hosting lovers sex hotel where you can have sex in the mouth of terex skull we don't have the money for it yet but we're we're working at it but this keeps the dream alive when you i think when you've done remodeling your house we need to consider move on to that really start putting some money in a fund okay so eventually what if we got a t -rex skull it would take up this whole fucking attic and what if we just we bought one but we kept it in the center of the attic and people had to see we couldn't even see people anymore yeah or like crane your neck to see one of them would be surprised that'd be kind of fun people are having sex in it while we oh oh my god we could invite arm cherries really taking it up to yes to make love while they're listening to the interview okay let's do the presents yeah okay let's let the lady unveil it this is the the um joint gift oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy I'm excited and scared Oh, it's a good thick paper Oh my god Oh my god Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, so it's a real oil painting No Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, this artist I really like Aaron Nagel No, no, painted it Oh my God How much was that a million dollars?

[842] It's fucking...

[843] Did Anne Monsor make it?

[844] Not An Monsor.

[845] Oh my God, Rob.

[846] Okay, so for the listeners, this is a legit oil painting.

[847] This is incredible.

[848] You're going to have that in your house, right?

[849] No, it's for here, probably, right?

[850] Over the photo, maybe.

[851] Take the photo down and put up the painting.

[852] What if this whole attic became like nine pictures of the baby?

[853] It's fucking beautiful.

[854] Look at the way the light.

[855] Of baby Monica.

[856] The way this artist has a little.

[857] applied the light to your hair.

[858] To my hair.

[859] My hair looks gorgeous.

[860] And it got your brow game right as well.

[861] It looks just, that is unbelievable.

[862] Someone painted this.

[863] Yeah, he's a ridiculous painter.

[864] Rob, this is so sweet.

[865] We got to show Aaron ASAP.

[866] Oh, my God, yeah.

[867] He's going to die.

[868] He had to scan the photo for me, so.

[869] Oh, Aaron had to.

[870] So Aaron did play a role in this.

[871] I feel like this should be in a museum.

[872] I think it should be too.

[873] Should Should we get the folks over at Getty?

[874] We could put it in the sex hotel, or do you think that would, people would lose their boners?

[875] Well, I'd be nervous about people staring at the baby while making love.

[876] Although it might be a nice tool for men to use as they're trying to stave off their eruption.

[877] Rob, this is, this is, this is mind -blowing.

[878] You've outdone yourself.

[879] Yeah, this is really, I don't know how you thought of that.

[880] Why?

[881] Listen, Christmas overall just makes me feel terrible about myself.

[882] And you could go like, fuck you.

[883] You're just not putting the time in and you're not thoughtful.

[884] Not true.

[885] I could show you guys right now the note in my phone.

[886] No one's saying that.

[887] This is the note in my phone.

[888] It has your name in it, Wobby.

[889] And I stare at your name, Wobby.

[890] I look at your name and there's nothing next to it.

[891] And I'm like, what can I?

[892] And so last night I'll tell you what I decided to get you.

[893] I decided I'm getting Rob a Rolex.

[894] Oh, wow.

[895] And then I was like, does Rob wear a watch?

[896] So then I go to your Instagram page last night.

[897] This all happened, by the way.

[898] Oh, this is thoughtful?

[899] First of all, there's no fucking photos of Wabi on his Instagram page.

[900] It's a big problem.

[901] You're so cute.

[902] You should be in photo.

[903] Couldn't tell if Rob ever wears a watch and what a style is, right?

[904] So I was on a high alert for your watch.

[905] Well, I know.

[906] So this morning, as soon as I saw you, I clocked, oh, he's an Apple Watch guy.

[907] So he wouldn't want a Rolex.

[908] Well, do you want a Rolex?

[909] Or though, maybe when you go to an event, you would wear it or like go.

[910] Would you like that?

[911] Dex, no one doesn't want a Rolex.

[912] Well, I don't know because I'm old.

[913] I know, but no one doesn't want a Rolex.

[914] I'm going to pick you out of vintage Rolex.

[915] That's what I'm going to buy.

[916] I always get the same thing for Rob, a variation, which is just like a restaurant gift.

[917] Or the last time I gave Airbnb.

[918] It's always a gift card.

[919] I went down that road.

[920] I was like, I got to figure out what restaurant Rob would want to eat at, right?

[921] If there was a restaurant like French laundry where it's like it's an all -in thing, You're not getting a gift card.

[922] You're getting a meat.

[923] We should have...

[924] What should we have done?

[925] We should have bought him and Natalie a trip to French Laundry.

[926] That's what we should have done.

[927] We fucking suck.

[928] Should we still do it?

[929] Well, no, we should do it before the baby.

[930] This is the weirdest Christmas one.

[931] Like, hey, you want to roll out?

[932] Okay, I'll take that.

[933] You want to go to French Laundry?

[934] Yeah, I guess.

[935] Like, this is like a...

[936] This is how my parents do it.

[937] This is literally how they do it.

[938] It's a mess.

[939] It's a mess.

[940] Wow.

[941] All right.

[942] Well, that's, oh, okay, let's, you want to do something for us.

[943] Yeah.

[944] Oh, thank you, Sanical, round down Sanical's lane.

[945] Lexing and blitzing, always raining, all in all the rains.

[946] Males are rigging, children saying, always merry and bright.

[947] Oh, hang your stockings and sing, hang your bag on.

[948] Oh, no, no, no. Ha, come Santa Claus, oh, come Santa Claus, Oh, down Santa Claus Lane.

[949] Oh, go back then.

[950] We're far from Oz and Girls again.

[951] There's those bells and sing, and they'll take a land.

[952] Where's the beautiful side?

[953] Jump in bed and call your face.

[954] Oh, Oh, oh my God.

[955] Oh, come Santa Claus.

[956] Oh, come, Santa Claus.

[957] Oh.

[958] Now, Santa Clausen, He doesn't parents Or poor, for he loves just to sit.

[959] What's happening?

[960] I love life with children That makes everything to cry Fill your heart with a Christmas tree Oh, when they're going to nominate.

[961] Oh, come, a song, oh, come to say, Oh, come around when you're ringing.

[962] And this is what again.

[963] Come in Santa Claus, we'll come and we just bow the wife.

[964] Let's give thanks to the Lord of the Rappellano go to John.

[965] Stop.

[966] Here's Santa Claus tonight.

[967] Wow.

[968] First time ever.

[969] No rehearsal.

[970] That's the first time.

[971] I've gone beyond here, come to Santa Claus.

[972] Oh, wow.

[973] I lost my footing a bunch of times, but I found my way back, but not all the way back.

[974] Well, sure.

[975] Wow.

[976] That one, you know what's funny is we had a little breakthrough there.

[977] Me?

[978] Yeah, you and I. Do you feel it?

[979] So you hate looking at me. But I got so into it.

[980] Like, you went through the phase of hating looking at me, but then you started coming back and then you were staring at me a lot and laughing and it was so fun.

[981] You weren't looking at me. That's right.

[982] You were looking at the computer.

[983] That's fine.

[984] That's when it gets safe?

[985] Yeah.

[986] Okay.

[987] Then it seemed like you were really enjoying it.

[988] I enjoyed that, yeah.

[989] Okay, great.

[990] I like when you don't know any of the words.

[991] Sure, sure.

[992] There's a high degree of failure on the table.

[993] Well, I will say this.

[994] Also, I thought maybe your hiccups were going to come back.

[995] Oh, yeah.

[996] It kind of sounds like he gets hiccups in.

[997] But I did all morning.

[998] You know what I was singing instead of that was, oh, here comes wabi wabiwobo.

[999] Oh, wow.

[1000] What's on Franklin now?

[1001] Was there any Christmas song?

[1002] You want to sing before we get into Nora?

[1003] No, thank you.

[1004] You sure?

[1005] Let's do one.

[1006] No. How about you do?

[1007] You said no. I'm not doing it.

[1008] Listen, let's end on that good Elvis note, okay?

[1009] I'm getting greedy, as always.

[1010] God, I hate myself.

[1011] And I like myself.

[1012] You should.

[1013] All right, well, I love you.

[1014] What a fun year.

[1015] I love you guys.

[1016] Love Christmas.

[1017] Love Christmas.

[1018] Love this year.

[1019] What a year.

[1020] What a year.

[1021] A man, I didn't remember.

[1022] remember my second public service announcement because I felt like it was relevant, but I guess not.

[1023] Merry, Merry Christmas, to all a good night and to all a good day.

[1024] Please enjoy the beautiful, beautiful voice of Nora Jones.

[1025] And Ms. Kristen Bell.

[1026] That's right.

[1027] We get some accompanies, some backup, some background vocals by Kristen Bell.

[1028] Merry Christmas, everybody.

[1029] I think this is the same portion of the evening.

[1030] Well, let's chat for a second.

[1031] Does it screw with you to have headphones on when you sing?

[1032] If it's easy enough to not have them, it's preferable because then it's, like, more natural.

[1033] Yeah.

[1034] But sometimes it's nice to hear yourself if you're doing something weird.

[1035] Isolated, right?

[1036] Yeah.

[1037] Yeah, yeah.

[1038] But you don't want us to be like, oh, it's so good in the middle of, like, that's not good.

[1039] Oh, that's, okay, that's not preferred.

[1040] Oh, like, your breathing on the head, and I'm like, oh, my God, Nor is so good in the middle of you singing.

[1041] By the way, the last time you sang for us, I think is top three moments of armchair.

[1042] Yeah, for sure.

[1043] It comes up all the time.

[1044] I'm not kidding.

[1045] Wow.

[1046] I loved it so much.

[1047] Well, it's actually a huge bit of proof we point to when considering whether or now we live in a simulation.

[1048] It literally comes up.

[1049] Usually number three is we'll say Nora Jones came and sang to us in the attic.

[1050] That can't be real.

[1051] That's not how it works.

[1052] No. It did happen.

[1053] Well, the weirdest thing to me is that I was literally listening to the end of your David Sedaris show when I got the email from Dax about coming to do some Christmas songs.

[1054] insane, I think series of coincidences that worked out in our favor.

[1055] Yeah.

[1056] I mean, I haven't traveled since pandemic started.

[1057] So I said, well, I'm going to be in L .A. tomorrow.

[1058] Yeah.

[1059] Yeah, just all worked out perfectly.

[1060] I don't want to blow up your spot too much, but you're here without children.

[1061] And I have to imagine this is the first time without your kids in a couple years, maybe.

[1062] I had some work near the city for a couple nights.

[1063] And Sarah, who is my bestie.

[1064] She's also my Monica pretty much.

[1065] Exactly.

[1066] We actually both have kids, so we had a couple fun nights.

[1067] Oh, that's so bad.

[1068] Yeah, we did.

[1069] How many do you have?

[1070] Mine are five and seven.

[1071] This is the same.

[1072] Yeah, yeah.

[1073] Yeah, six and eight.

[1074] That's not technically the same, but it's the same.

[1075] Very close.

[1076] You're six and eight.

[1077] Oh, hi.

[1078] All you doing?

[1079] How have you been during this last year since you did the Christmas special?

[1080] I've been great.

[1081] I got no complaints.

[1082] I mean, I did go out of town to work.

[1083] She got to be away from the Chili's.

[1084] Does it feel like vacation to you to work out of town?

[1085] No. I mean, for moments, sparks.

[1086] Because you go for long chunks.

[1087] Yeah, and it's not comfortable.

[1088] And I just realized after doing that, like, what am I doing?

[1089] I like being at home.

[1090] I just want to come home and they want me to come home.

[1091] And what am I doing?

[1092] Yeah.

[1093] See, it's different for musicians, I guess.

[1094] If you have a quickie little thing, you get to go play music and then you get to go home.

[1095] It's easier, probably.

[1096] How did the Christmas album come about?

[1097] Well, I mean, I never thought I would make a Christmas album.

[1098] People always ask me to.

[1099] Yeah.

[1100] And I thought, well, I'm not inspired to do that right now.

[1101] But I love Christmas and I love Christmas music.

[1102] Who doesn't like Christmas?

[1103] I've never not been into that.

[1104] Yeah.

[1105] And then the pandemic.

[1106] And then I got really sad when we took our tree down this year in January.

[1107] Okay.

[1108] And then I didn't know what I was doing all year.

[1109] So I wanted something to look forward to.

[1110] Oh, I like that.

[1111] I like it too.

[1112] Yeah.

[1113] So I found a really great producer, this guy Leon Michaels.

[1114] and we clicked and it felt like we had the right energy to do it in the right way that felt good to me, basically.

[1115] Do you have a favorite artist who did a Christmas album?

[1116] Is there a North Star when you're about to make one?

[1117] There was like a crazy playlist we had going that had all the good stuff.

[1118] Did Michael McDonald make that list?

[1119] He didn't.

[1120] I actually don't know that Christmas album.

[1121] You don't need to know it.

[1122] I can tell you all about it.

[1123] I mean, I'm going to about it's going to show.

[1124] Oh, boy.

[1125] Are you talking about like the Johnny Mathis of it all, like the Bing Crosby of it all.

[1126] Yeah, like for me, it was Elvis.

[1127] Oh, fuck.

[1128] She just walked into that too.

[1129] Oh, no. You don't know what you've done.

[1130] Oh, my God.

[1131] Are we soulmates?

[1132] You love Elvis Christmas?

[1133] You don't like Elvis?

[1134] I buckle up.

[1135] You have no idea.

[1136] Okay, I got to remember what one it is, though.

[1137] Or you love him.

[1138] No, it's just that every, no. Don't do that.

[1139] Don't conflate me not liking Elvis with not liking your.

[1140] I didn't think you didn't like Elvis.

[1141] thought you've had enough of me singing Elvis as what I was trying to say.

[1142] Oh, oh, you haven't heard Michael McDonald's.

[1143] And in his defense, I'm not sure that this song is on his or if I just imagine it is, but I have an idea of what Michael McDonald's singing Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer would be like, do you want to hear it?

[1144] Yeah, I do want to hear it.

[1145] And then I have a story for you.

[1146] Okay, okay.

[1147] Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer had a very shiny nose like a light bulb.

[1148] I don't remember.

[1149] That's perfect.

[1150] Like Monopoly.

[1151] It's just all about him nailing those add -ons for me. I don't know if it really exists.

[1152] I like the idea of doing Christmas songs in the voice of other people that have not maybe done those specific songs.

[1153] Yes.

[1154] So you just did your second David Sedaris interview.

[1155] Yes.

[1156] Have you ever heard his Billy Holiday impression?

[1157] No. Okay.

[1158] So I'm a pretty deep David Sedaris fan.

[1159] I've probably heard every radio thing he did back in the day on NPR.

[1160] You know he did the Santa Land Diaries where he played at Elf at Macy's.

[1161] You know about that.

[1162] Yes, yes, yes.

[1163] I've heard the audiobook version of it where he talks about singing away in a manger in the style of Billy Holiday.

[1164] And then he does it on the audio book version.

[1165] Oh, he has the best Billy Holiday.

[1166] Oh, he does?

[1167] Yeah, it's great.

[1168] He also does like the Oscar Meyer Weiner song as Billy Holiday.

[1169] Oh, he really goes for it once he's channeled her.

[1170] Yeah, so you should have him here doing away in a manger as Billy Holiday.

[1171] We may we'll give him a call.

[1172] Oh, my God.

[1173] See if he could do a little Billy Holiday.

[1174] Why do you love him?

[1175] I'm trying to isolate why I love him so much.

[1176] I've always loved him.

[1177] And when I first read him, I was young and the plague of ticks.

[1178] I was a ticky kid, which we didn't talk about.

[1179] But after I heard your interview with him, I thought, oh, man, I wish we'd have talked about that.

[1180] Okay, the first time he was on, I made it all about me as I do, and I'll do now again, is plague of ticks.

[1181] I was like, oh, my God, this was my childhood.

[1182] My fear of getting caught and then thinking people didn't know.

[1183] And then one time my sister was in the back seat and she just screamed like, oh, would you stop licking your fingertips?

[1184] And I'm like, I don't lick my fingertips.

[1185] Who says I lick my finger?

[1186] And I'm like, fuck, I didn't know anyone knew that.

[1187] The stories are insane from my childhood.

[1188] I had to do everything twice.

[1189] I had to be bare naked to go number two.

[1190] I had to squat on the toilet.

[1191] I had to take the toilet paper and touch the wall outside of the bathroom and then do that twice.

[1192] And then I have all this toilet paper I didn't know what to do with.

[1193] Oh, my God.

[1194] And then I started smoking cigarettes like he did in the plague of ticks and it went away.

[1195] Like I had the exact same experience.

[1196] That's crazy.

[1197] I didn't have the exact experience, but I did have a lot of them.

[1198] And I still blinked my eyes like crazy.

[1199] I met my husband on a gig.

[1200] I turned around and I winked at him.

[1201] And he's like, oh, cool.

[1202] Okay.

[1203] Maybe there's something here.

[1204] Later, he realized I turned around from the audience and I was like blinking my eyes.

[1205] Oh, my God.

[1206] He was like, oh, sexy.

[1207] Oh, she likes me. I did like him.

[1208] But I also was just kind of getting a little blink in.

[1209] Did you ever have ticks, Kristen?

[1210] The only one that I've observed is that you have to do everyone's voice on TV.

[1211] Well, yes.

[1212] Mimicry, we know.

[1213] And it's a tick.

[1214] Like, you have to do it.

[1215] It's a current tick.

[1216] It didn't go away.

[1217] I didn't start smoking.

[1218] You're not overcome it.

[1219] No, no, no, I have not overcome it.

[1220] It doesn't stop me from doing anything.

[1221] Well, it stops the people who are watching television with me from enjoying the program.

[1222] If there's a lot of accents in the show, I, like, literally can't not let it fall out of my mouth.

[1223] It's when I see it.

[1224] I have to do it directly.

[1225] That's the thing.

[1226] Yeah, I have to do it immediately.

[1227] It has to fall right out of my mouth.

[1228] When we're watching the Crown or Game of Thrones, anything with Act.

[1229] Margaret Thatcher.

[1230] You could do that.

[1231] Oh, yeah.

[1232] I mean, we did that in the movies.

[1233] It's so good.

[1234] I know, it's so good.

[1235] She's really good.

[1236] She could have easily, easily been on SNL.

[1237] Yeah.

[1238] It just so happened to miss her.

[1239] Well, I shall certainly let her match to know.

[1240] Thank you.

[1241] Well, I shall certainly let her manage to know.

[1242] Well, thank you.

[1243] We had to go back a few times so she could do it.

[1244] Yeah, totally like, no matter.

[1245] Well, thank you.

[1246] I bet you both can do them because it's such a vocal control thing.

[1247] I think I used to be a good mimic.

[1248] Yeah.

[1249] I don't really do it as much anymore, but yeah.

[1250] It really does not come in handy, though, when, like, the girls are playing games.

[1251] Like, if they're playing, like, a learning game or something, and I'm in the room, and I hear it, I'll have to go check for the next activity.

[1252] And, like, it's so brutal.

[1253] And I don't do it that loud, but I do it, and it drives me, those are the only times it drives me crazy when it's coming from one of the girls' learning games.

[1254] Oh, yeah, because they're very animated.

[1255] Yeah, yeah, it's brutal.

[1256] There are certain people that every layperson thinks they can tap and do when they're in the car.

[1257] Mine is Adele, and I clearly don't sound like her at all.

[1258] You mean you sing along and you, and I think I'm nailing it, even though it's clear I'm not nailing it.

[1259] And I'm just wondering if you have any that you, like, can't resist and you're pretty certain you sound like them.

[1260] Well, it's, again, it's like I stopped doing that stuff.

[1261] I don't know why.

[1262] Maybe because I sing a lot in my job.

[1263] But when I was younger, I was obsessed with Aretha Franklin's harmony singers because she had the best.

[1264] Uh -huh.

[1265] I would always try to hit that high note on A. No Way.

[1266] And I think it's Sissy Houston, Whitney Houston's mom singing.

[1267] Oh, no kidding.

[1268] Like, I would always do it, but definitely.

[1269] Wow.

[1270] I definitely am not that kind of a great singer.

[1271] But you're convinced while you're in the car, you're really bullseying it, I think.

[1272] Yeah.

[1273] I used to sing along to Otis Redding in high school in the car.

[1274] I wonder if you don't do it anymore because you have found such a specific voice of your own.

[1275] I don't know.

[1276] The truth is, I've never listened to a ton of pop radio, but recently with the kids in the car.

[1277] Yeah.

[1278] It is so fun.

[1279] So I definitely find myself singing along to, like, the weekend.

[1280] But I can't help myself from harmonizing.

[1281] Even if it doesn't need a harmony, even if it has five harmonies, I'll try and find a six.

[1282] It does need another one.

[1283] It always does.

[1284] For me, that's the fun part.

[1285] It's just finding a harmony for whatever it is.

[1286] And do you have the same irony that Kristen has, which is her daughter?

[1287] They don't want to hear it.

[1288] Like, we're in the car.

[1289] A song we all know comes on and Kristen will start singing wonderfully.

[1290] It's complimenting it beautifully.

[1291] And they'll have none of it, right?

[1292] Yeah, they want to zip it all the time.

[1293] They want me to zip it.

[1294] They don't want me to sing around them ever.

[1295] Pretty much.

[1296] Okay, good.

[1297] That's consistent.

[1298] Which is lame.

[1299] Well, it's certainly a deep cut.

[1300] It's a real boner down.

[1301] Okay.

[1302] They don't know.

[1303] So back to why you made the Christmas album.

[1304] How did you pick what songs?

[1305] Because I have to imagine some are harder than others to put your fingerprint on or some you wouldn't want to put a fingerprint on.

[1306] Well, there's plenty of amazing Christmas songs.

[1307] You could definitely do an album of all classics and you don't need to write any originals.

[1308] There were some that I knew I wanted to do like Blue Christmas.

[1309] Yeah.

[1310] I wasn't going to do white Christmas because it's been done so much.

[1311] And I didn't necessarily know what to do with it.

[1312] But then we ended up doing it at the end of the session and it was really nice.

[1313] It felt great.

[1314] Yeah.

[1315] I think the thing is you just have to try.

[1316] And if you can't feel like you own it, then you can move on and not put it on.

[1317] Right.

[1318] So you can trial and error a bit.

[1319] You can play a bunch.

[1320] I lean towards melancholy, of course.

[1321] So I love songs that are more sentimental and not just about Santa Claus, you know.

[1322] Yeah.

[1323] Like winter wonderland, it's a dream scape, you know, it's just so pretty.

[1324] It is.

[1325] And Blue Christmas is sad.

[1326] Yeah, Christmas is such a feeling the older you get.

[1327] Yeah.

[1328] It starts as like a fun thing and Santa and presents and this.

[1329] And then the older you get, it becomes this like...

[1330] Nostalgia.

[1331] It's very nostalgic.

[1332] Yeah.

[1333] We listen to Christmas music during the first month of lockdown on Sundays.

[1334] Oh, wow.

[1335] What a great idea.

[1336] Which was March.

[1337] Which was cold in New York.

[1338] Yeah.

[1339] It was very.

[1340] comforting to the adults.

[1341] And the kids, they're not sentimental about it yet.

[1342] Yeah.

[1343] They're sentimental about the presents and cookies and the tree, but they're not quite sentimental about Christmas music yet.

[1344] Yeah.

[1345] How do we feel about Vince Goraldi's Christmas contributions?

[1346] Oh, beautiful.

[1347] I did, Christmas Time is Here on the album.

[1348] I wasn't sure if I should do it because it's so perfect, right?

[1349] Uh -huh.

[1350] And with the children's choir.

[1351] Wait, wait, that's Grinch, right?

[1352] Christmas Time is here.

[1353] I think that's Charlie Brown, right?

[1354] Yeah, Charlie Brown.

[1355] You're so disappointed.

[1356] What's the great one from the beginning?

[1357] That's the Hoos sing.

[1358] Reba Hootoree, welcome Christmas in our hearts.

[1359] When all the little Hoosos down in Whoville are holding here.

[1360] It didn't come with trinkets or pamboozles or plunkets or dunkets and they're singing anyways.

[1361] Oh.

[1362] Armchair expert, if you dare.

[1363] Oh, uh -oh, we got a little monster.

[1364] We have some scoundrels.

[1365] She can come in.

[1366] Some rascals.

[1367] We got some.

[1368] Yeah, you can come in.

[1369] She knows how to be quiet.

[1370] Well, what song are you going to play for us?

[1371] Or what a few songs are you going to do Blue Christmas?

[1372] Yeah.

[1373] That's kind of nice on solo piano, slinkish.

[1374] Absolutely.

[1375] Do you girls want to sit on the couch here next to me?

[1376] I also kind of want to hear you do the Vince Goraldi one, mainly because one of our daughters was born to that soundtrack in the uh operating music and we sliced her out right to that soundtrack yeah maybe talk about nostalgic christmas time is here for all the children call their favorite time you could always see such spirit oh my god that was ridiculous You make such unexpected chords and you pull from a place that my ear has never heard and being someone who like has relied on music for a lot of things in my life and listen with a ton of intent and you pull them out and it's like I get these pangs of excitement like it's new oh my God I never knew that was in there that's the best when you hear something new right it's like a comedian watching a comedy they don't see the punchline coming and it gets them even though they should it's tasty I can't believe you did that song.

[1377] Yeah.

[1378] Oh my gosh, that's probably my favorite Christmas song of our time.

[1379] It's kind of a perfect Christmas song.

[1380] Yeah.

[1381] It's a perfect song.

[1382] It is.

[1383] Well, the deeper we got into making the album, the more I thought, oh, my gosh, I know why people do five Christmas albums now.

[1384] It's kind of endless.

[1385] It's like, oh, that's obscure and I love it.

[1386] That's popular and I love it.

[1387] There's just everything.

[1388] You know which one I'm crazy about?

[1389] It's from Christmas Vacation.

[1390] It's...

[1391] Oh, wonderful Christmas.

[1392] time?

[1393] Is that what it?

[1394] No. He puts on the projector.

[1395] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1396] He falls through the floor.

[1397] I put it when I directed about a boy, put it in there.

[1398] What the hell?

[1399] It's by a famous jazz musician.

[1400] Well, that's the thing.

[1401] Christmas music leans jazz, country, blues.

[1402] It's kind of where I come from musically.

[1403] So it was really fun to do this music.

[1404] I like how simple it is.

[1405] Yeah, it's simple.

[1406] Yeah.

[1407] And it's heartfelt.

[1408] Do you figure it out, hon?

[1409] Ray Charles.

[1410] Ray Charles.

[1411] Yeah.

[1412] Oh, that's a good one.

[1413] And your next one.

[1414] When you do five Christmas albums.

[1415] Yeah, I'll do that one.

[1416] You put that one on there.

[1417] Hard to beat Ray, though.

[1418] That's hard.

[1419] Okay, I would love to hear Blue Christmas.

[1420] Sure.

[1421] This one's fun to play on piano.

[1422] I'm not like a great guitar player, so thanks for letting me use the piano.

[1423] I'm so excited this thing is getting huge.

[1424] Some use.

[1425] Yeah.

[1426] And I put those labels on there for you before you came so you could be.

[1427] I'm glad that I know now we're here.

[1428] Where E is and D. It's about time you've figured this out.

[1429] If anyone who wants to sing harmony, one of us might attempt.

[1430] Oh, gosh.

[1431] I'll have a best mind without you be so blue.

[1432] Just thinking snowflakes they start falling.

[1433] Happy I could find it.

[1434] Oh, your harmonies are so.

[1435] fun.

[1436] I mean, any musician who listens to you or anyone who hears those layers in your music, it's like stunning.

[1437] It's really stunning.

[1438] I think harmony singing is probably my favorite, one of my favorite things.

[1439] Yeah, it's one of my favorite things to listen to.

[1440] But when I was growing up, I was just always soprano.

[1441] So if I ever did anything funky, it was like the desk can't or like in a song.

[1442] So I never practiced doing harmonies enough.

[1443] And now I, at this point in my life, I'm constantly, like you are like in a car trying to find harmonies because it's just so.

[1444] interesting it's just fun yeah if you think you're getting a Christmas present beyond this you're wrong okay Merry Christmas you just did a duet with Nora oh my god Bob's gonna lose his marbles yeah fuck you Bob merry Christmas gonna lose her marbles oh my god everyone's gonna lose her marvels this Christmas there will be no more marvels say goodbye to marbles they're all stuck at the dock we're gonna leave them in 2021 all those marbles I gotta just geek out about someone who plays the piano when you play the piano and you sing you're the whole inside you got the whole package like you could just get on a truck and go entertain X amount of people like it's just the force it's pretty interesting I in college I had a gig at a restaurant and it's sort of where I learned how to coordinate it and sing at the same time because it takes coordination and it was great because nobody really listened and so it was like paid practice kind of but during the pandemic I was doing these live streams and I realized how lucky I was to be a musician who could kind of accompany, you know, it's all encompassing.

[1445] Yeah, you didn't need anyone.

[1446] Like, I felt bad for drummers and bass players who.

[1447] Thanks for your sympathy.

[1448] Yeah.

[1449] Yeah, I was struggling.

[1450] I mean, it's cool to play along the records, but, you know, it's just, it was nice to have the whole thing.

[1451] Yeah.

[1452] You've done a couple shows since pandemic.

[1453] You haven't played live in, what, two years?

[1454] No. I sat in with a friend last month, Sasha Dobson.

[1455] She put out a jazz record.

[1456] I sing one song, and I did a benefit.

[1457] I did like four songs.

[1458] That's all I've done.

[1459] Oh, wow.

[1460] Are you missing it so much?

[1461] At this point, I have a lot of FOMO because everybody's out there doing it.

[1462] We did one live show since it's been lightened up.

[1463] And we were like, oh, my God, how did we live without this for almost two years?

[1464] I don't miss it as much as I thought I would.

[1465] But I think making this record sort of satisfied playing with other musicians and being creative.

[1466] So now I definitely miss the energy of the audience.

[1467] And you'll have to play this around a little bit, right?

[1468] Well, you'll be back here on Christmas Eve to play.

[1469] Oh, plays.

[1470] Yeah.

[1471] If you make me some, yeah, some cookies.

[1472] We have room for a five and a seven -year -old.

[1473] They'll put in nicely pop right into this.

[1474] I won't be here.

[1475] We'll sleep on the couch.

[1476] Yeah.

[1477] I'll do some promo.

[1478] So that'll be fun to play the songs again.

[1479] But no shows.

[1480] Okay.

[1481] Not right now.

[1482] You're not going to do like a bit, like a tree light, like something you don't want to do.

[1483] Oh, I, I, when is this going to air?

[1484] Right before Christmas.

[1485] Right before Christmas.

[1486] Then I will have done the tree lighting.

[1487] Oh, you will.

[1488] Oh, my gosh.

[1489] Yeah.

[1490] Oh my gosh.

[1491] When is that?

[1492] It's December 1st.

[1493] Are you so excited?

[1494] I'm really excited.

[1495] I'm a little nervous because I think it's going to be really cold.

[1496] Yeah, right, right.

[1497] And then when your fingers are cold, they're hard to move.

[1498] I love that you blink a lot.

[1499] This is the most exciting revelation.

[1500] I just love it, though.

[1501] Oh, my God, do I love it?

[1502] We had a guest on a show that they have a character with pretty good OCD, and they leave it right in.

[1503] And I was watching it was so cathartic.

[1504] I'm like, oh, I love watching this person to do this.

[1505] my fear of what that was like to observe when I was younger.

[1506] Billy, Ilish?

[1507] Oh, yeah.

[1508] Oh, it was Billy, I said they left it all in.

[1509] And I was so happy that they were leaving it in because I'm like, this is fine.

[1510] It's fine.

[1511] I mean, the more my mom always was, honey, you're blinking your eyes.

[1512] As soon as it starts being talked about, I go into overdrive.

[1513] Yeah, of course.

[1514] So now I'm like, oh, yeah.

[1515] I don't even like hearing someone bring up blinking.

[1516] If I'm listening to like Howard Stern and someone starts talking about, I will turn the station because I'm like, I'll start.

[1517] start doing it.

[1518] Yeah, yeah.

[1519] Oh, I love it, though.

[1520] Yeah, I have a few people call me Blinky.

[1521] And I'm like, that's not cool.

[1522] Oh, that's not like them.

[1523] Are they family members?

[1524] Yes.

[1525] Yeah.

[1526] Okay, they burned it.

[1527] Okay.

[1528] Yeah, what did I call you, hon, that only I could get away with calling you.

[1529] There's something like Blinky, but it's not.

[1530] What was it in reference to?

[1531] You remember?

[1532] Well, this is not it, but I just, in general, I'm pretty grateful that Kristen has incredible self -esteem because I am allowed to make some jokes that you should not make and no one normally make.

[1533] Because you had a stye the other day.

[1534] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1535] Yeah, and that was a great.

[1536] Pretty cool sty.

[1537] Yeah, it was fun for all of us.

[1538] Yeah.

[1539] And I was really grateful that.

[1540] Well, I will say one of the most consistent jokes you make is that sometimes when, look, like, I'm 41 now.

[1541] And just taking that in in general of, like, who I am, how I appear to my children is maybe different than how I feel.

[1542] And sometimes when we're watching a television program, I'll see an older woman.

[1543] And I'll have, like, a pang of insecurity.

[1544] And I'll say, like, is that what my skin looks like?

[1545] and it will be like a 70 -year -old woman.

[1546] And he'll go, well, not as good.

[1547] But almost, but almost.

[1548] Almost is good, but it's not as good.

[1549] Yeah, I feel very lucky I can make that joke.

[1550] But I will say it always knocks me out of whatever, like, low self -esteem reverie I was waiting.

[1551] It's good that you have them to do that.

[1552] Yeah.

[1553] If you can't laugh at each other with each other, then.

[1554] It's like one of the upsides of the arrangement.

[1555] You know, it's probably not great.

[1556] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1557] I don't want to be greedy, but I also would love hearing you sing one more song.

[1558] Do you think you can play one more song?

[1559] Yeah, this is fun because I haven't really played these songs except in the studio.

[1560] Oh, you haven't?

[1561] I mean, I haven't really done anything.

[1562] This is your first concert.

[1563] It's my first concert.

[1564] It's for one, two, three, four, five.

[1565] You're seven.

[1566] That's pretty good.

[1567] Eight, eight heads.

[1568] No walkouts.

[1569] No walkouts, yeah.

[1570] Not yet.

[1571] Well, we had two, yeah.

[1572] Well, okay.

[1573] What do you want to play?

[1574] Yeah, what do you want to play?

[1575] It can be Eastbound and Down by Jerry Reed, too.

[1576] Like, don't rule anything out.

[1577] It's funny because there's like six originals on the album because I got inspired and I really love them.

[1578] But I feel like people just want to hear classics.

[1579] And I get it.

[1580] I just want to hear classics.

[1581] I would love to hear one of your original.

[1582] Oh, you don't have to see it.

[1583] No, I'm genuinely.

[1584] I felt like I was fishing for that.

[1585] No, no. I would prefer to hear an original.

[1586] Oh, come on.

[1587] Sincerely.

[1588] Okay.

[1589] I'll do this one.

[1590] Oh, there's goo.

[1591] You had some goo on your piano It's fine Embarrassed it could be for me But I don't think so It's probably like nail gel or something It's kind of a catch -all Instrument you know it can be a workspace It can be a desk It can be a child's toy And often there's slime in the area I can relate You know what I'm talking about Yes I do All right this is a song I wrote It's another melancholy Christmas It's only Christmas once a year so gather around the tree I'll pour you a cup of tear please wear a smile for me I'm counting on my fingers all the days till you'll be here please say that you're coming home for Christmas time it's only Christmas once a year last you are so hard with all the friends I couldn't see Christmas without you was not as bright as it could be I'll push through those winter nights just wishing you to pee Please say that you're coming home For Christmas time It's only Christmas once a year Gather all your loved ones Hold them close to Because one never lies ahead, oh, if we'll part.

[1592] This year is a Christmas, I know we will not forget.

[1593] Got my head held up, and all my decorations said.

[1594] Try not to get my home's too high and shed no tears.

[1595] Please say that you're coming home for Christmas.

[1596] time.

[1597] It's only Christmas once a year.

[1598] Oh, I love it.

[1599] That one's kind of sad.

[1600] It's a little bit of a bummer.

[1601] Is it too soon to tell people that the song's about me?

[1602] Or should we leave that as an Easter egg?

[1603] Yeah.

[1604] Because you didn't see me last year.

[1605] Yeah, that's true.

[1606] But here we are this year.

[1607] You said that you weren't prior to the last year inspired to write a Christmas album, right?

[1608] No, I wasn't.

[1609] I have a band called Puss and Booze.

[1610] I'm in with two of my best friends, Sasha Doffson and Catherine Popper, and we do like an annual Christmas show.

[1611] I play electric guitar in that band, and we put out a Christmas EP a couple years ago.

[1612] You guys would love that band.

[1613] Well, you played with them.

[1614] Right after, up in like stagecoach or some area.

[1615] In Joshua, Troy.

[1616] Yeah, that's right.

[1617] But this kind of satisfied my Christmas music for the last 10 years we've been doing a Christmas show.

[1618] And we put out an EP a few years ago, and they both wrote really, amazing Christmas songs.

[1619] And I just couldn't quite get there.

[1620] We co -wrote a few, but I just didn't have them.

[1621] But this time, I think being lonesome.

[1622] And I mean, I was with my family for the pandemic.

[1623] So I didn't miss family.

[1624] A lot of people missed their families last year because they couldn't travel.

[1625] I miss all my friends.

[1626] So that's kind of what my pandemic Christmas out.

[1627] But I almost wonder, like, there are people that do write really good new Christmas songs, even the ones that I've heard over the last couple years.

[1628] When we were in Sia's video, so clearly we liked that one.

[1629] Totally.

[1630] But some of the remakes, I'm like, oh, that's not as good as the original, but I won't turn it off.

[1631] And I wonder if there's something about any artist, no matter what your interpretation is writing a new one or doing a remake, Christmas is such a specific time.

[1632] It's the only time that, like, at least our country and other areas that celebrate Christmas, have agreed to like stop the bullshit, somebody's going to come home or even begrudgingly, like, but we're going to reconnect.

[1633] we're going to like plug in and like humanity is so not used to plugging in all the time, which is totally normal, but like this time of year when everyone has sort of collectively agreed to plug back in, even if it's miserable, but like that's just what we're going to do because it's December, whatever holiday you're celebrating and you're writing or creating a soundtrack to those families plugging back in.

[1634] I imagine just, I don't know, I feel like it has to feel really special.

[1635] Well, I think that's why I never made a Christmas album before of my own because I want anything I do to feel special, right, and to be inspired.

[1636] We worked on this album since March, thinking about it, recording, mixing.

[1637] I needed that this year.

[1638] I had fun doing Christmas all year.

[1639] I get such a visceral specific feeling.

[1640] It's ramping up now.

[1641] I can feel it.

[1642] They started playing Christmas songs on Coast.

[1643] This is a little earlier than normal, Coast 103 .5.

[1644] They're way early this year.

[1645] They're way early.

[1646] They were November 1, I think.

[1647] So anyways, hit December, I have a fever.

[1648] I have a Christmas fever that I can't imagine.

[1649] Accessing.

[1650] The only prescription.

[1651] Yes, is more Christmas songs.

[1652] Yeah.

[1653] I don't know if I could get there in June.

[1654] If I'm on like a beach vacation, I don't know.

[1655] That's a hurdle.

[1656] But don't you think that when you get creative, you get the fever for whatever you're doing, when you're really in the zone.

[1657] And I think that's why I had to be in the zone to make it.

[1658] I didn't decide to make it until we were in the zone.

[1659] Right, right.

[1660] I wanted to try and see if we could get in the zone.

[1661] And then we got in it.

[1662] And then it was like, yay.

[1663] I put the album out October 15th.

[1664] The label.

[1665] has put all the Christmas music out October 15th.

[1666] Oh, really?

[1667] They do it because of whatever retail, they got to stock the stores, they got to get it into Target.

[1668] They want to also, of course, be on top of the season.

[1669] I don't know, but it's not my choice.

[1670] So I had all these people like, a little early for Christmas record dropping around.

[1671] I was like, I'm sorry, it's not my decision.

[1672] I would have released it after Thanksgiving.

[1673] Right, like you're part of the problem of pulling it back.

[1674] That is kind of annoying, but it's fine.

[1675] I'm welcoming the hell out of it.

[1676] I was like shocked for a second, and then I listened to it for the rest of the day.

[1677] And you get the boss, the boss comes on.

[1678] Oh, yeah.

[1679] Santa Claus is coming.

[1680] And I'm like, I'm not going to be mad at this.

[1681] Yeah.

[1682] Well, that's the thing.

[1683] Sometimes you feel like you're being assaulted by Christmas with everything.

[1684] I love that feeling.

[1685] You like that feeling.

[1686] Well, because there were so many days recently where I couldn't tell the day and I had no markers and everything just felt completely random and the same like Roundhog's Day, any chance to eventize anything I was jumping at.

[1687] Like when they were watching.

[1688] Formula One, and I would try to look up the country it was in it.

[1689] When it was in France, I had to, like, order fresh croissants and, like, hang the French flag.

[1690] Because I was like, anything.

[1691] And even now, like, there were portions of the Halloween decorations that I stared at.

[1692] And I was like, should we just put Christmas caps on these skeletons?

[1693] Like, should we fuse it?

[1694] Because I just want it to feel different and meaningful and eventized, and it will eventually come down.

[1695] But I don't know.

[1696] It's because you want something to look forward to.

[1697] Yes.

[1698] And that's what it was for me. Yeah.

[1699] And that's why I cried when we took our tree down last year.

[1700] Yeah.

[1701] Have you decorated yet, Monica?

[1702] No. Because you did a killer job.

[1703] I know because I was here.

[1704] Now I can't get a real tree because I'm going home.

[1705] Oh, so you're not going to do it.

[1706] Because Monica, like, she slayed her apartment.

[1707] I did a good job.

[1708] It was my time last year because I normally go home, which is lovely and I love doing it.

[1709] Well, that's the thing.

[1710] You can't always do the full tilt Christmas every year.

[1711] I know.

[1712] You just don't have it in you sometimes.

[1713] Yeah.

[1714] Yeah, but it's okay.

[1715] It's a different kind.

[1716] Do you want me to bring over some skeletons with little Santa caps for you?

[1717] I would love it.

[1718] You want me to put a white beard on that head of mine that's floating next to that?

[1719] Okay, I have one last question for you, Nora.

[1720] It's also New Year's.

[1721] Do you do New Year's resolutions?

[1722] I haven't in a long time.

[1723] Okay.

[1724] I should.

[1725] I should start doing it again.

[1726] Yeah.

[1727] All right.

[1728] We'll work on that.

[1729] Do you?

[1730] Do you?

[1731] I do.

[1732] But I'm really flawed, though.

[1733] How many are you supposed to do?

[1734] I'm generally tackling one or two.

[1735] I don't set crazy.

[1736] goals.

[1737] I did originally, like I said to myself, no more road rage.

[1738] That's got to be gone.

[1739] We can't do that.

[1740] But that was too much.

[1741] So I had to dial it back step by step.

[1742] So one year was like, I'm not allowed out of the car.

[1743] Next year was no more hollering.

[1744] Third year was, you can't even honk my horn anymore unless there's a collision eminent.

[1745] And then now we're over it.

[1746] But I had to go incremental through it.

[1747] Or I'm going to stop telling people I'm a bad sleeper.

[1748] Oh, okay.

[1749] And just see what happens because I was an insomniac.

[1750] And I stopped telling people that was my New Year's resolution two years ago.

[1751] And by God, I'm a pretty good sleeper now, yes.

[1752] Was that your intention?

[1753] I was like, if I keep telling everyone I'm a bad sleeper, I will subconsciously have to confirm this identity.

[1754] I'm selling to everybody.

[1755] That's really true.

[1756] So let's just find out if I stop being known as this if something changes and it did.

[1757] I can't explain it, but that happened.

[1758] I think that's interesting.

[1759] Monica, if we stop telling people we're short, maybe we'll get tall.

[1760] That's a great idea.

[1761] Absolutely.

[1762] Or we could just say we're tall.

[1763] Yeah, I can even go in the opposite direction.

[1764] Yeah, I like that.

[1765] To prove that story, you'll start down comparing.

[1766] You'll be like, look at that baby can't reach up on the counter.

[1767] I can.

[1768] I'm so tall.

[1769] Maybe we'll just stand up taller.

[1770] Exactly.

[1771] I like this.

[1772] I like this.

[1773] Right, well, if you end up coming up with a New Year's resolution, let me know.

[1774] We can email about it.

[1775] We can workshop it and we'll keep it nice and achievable.

[1776] That's the goal.

[1777] That's what we want.

[1778] You have to keep it achievable.

[1779] Yes.

[1780] Well, thank you so much.

[1781] And Sarah as well, thanks for joining us.

[1782] Can you tell me about your podcast really quick?

[1783] Oh, yeah, we haven't released it yet, though.

[1784] Okay, and you don't know when you're going to release it?

[1785] It probably won't, no, it won't be out to the new year.

[1786] Okay.

[1787] But it's coming up.

[1788] We do one today, and it's really fun.

[1789] You're like my gurus here.

[1790] Goodness.

[1791] But I play like four to five songs with the person, basically, and we talk.

[1792] It's kind of like this.

[1793] Oh, my gosh.

[1794] Oh, I can't wait to listen to that.

[1795] I will be tuning in.

[1796] Me too.

[1797] What's it called?

[1798] You could be a guest.

[1799] Oh.

[1800] I don't know what I'd musically have to offer your level, but I will learn a small harmony.

[1801] And I can talk.

[1802] Yeah.

[1803] You sing quite a few songs that you have in your back pocket.

[1804] You go go over there and you sing the hell out of them.

[1805] You know what I mean?

[1806] You're playing the comparison game.

[1807] I don't think we're at different levels.

[1808] I think we just have different influences.

[1809] That's very sweet.

[1810] That's true.

[1811] I do know a lot of raps from childhood.

[1812] Oh, my God.

[1813] Well, you do.

[1814] I'm going to ask, Kristen, do one thing that will blow your mind and elevate her.

[1815] And in fact, I bet you'll ask her to do it again when she does your podcast.

[1816] Okay.

[1817] Okay.

[1818] You might remember this from the 1980s television programs, an interstitial commercial for Sprite.

[1819] Hey, oh, Chris, what's up, bro?

[1820] What's that in your hand?

[1821] It's the S to the P -R -I -T -E can.

[1822] Understand the fruity twist, tastes of fruity -futiness of unexpectedness that you could never miss. So what's your name, Daddy, M -A -C, and what you drink?

[1823] S -B -R -R -T -E.

[1824] Why?

[1825] Because it's a nice flavor when you need thirst, and like a twist with a lot of kick.

[1826] Now you know that's kicking word.

[1827] So drink up, drink up is what you got to do.

[1828] Why?

[1829] Because I like the Sprite in you.

[1830] I mean, guys, can you believe that?

[1831] You can still do it.

[1832] I can't do that.

[1833] It has never.

[1834] There's so many things.

[1835] It doesn't leave you.

[1836] Like, what time do the girls need to be at play practice?

[1837] What time do they even get picked up today?

[1838] Can't remember any of that.

[1839] But that is there to stay.

[1840] And do you remember they were in that gigantic sprite can criss -cross and they were wrapping to each other?

[1841] They had their clothes on backwards.

[1842] It was part of the on -brain.

[1843] This is a millennial, but no one knows it.

[1844] But they really appreciated it.

[1845] They really appreciated it.

[1846] That one goes up to the old people.

[1847] And I hate to exploit you even further, but there's just one more thing I would just I'd pray that you would do for her.

[1848] Would you hit her with Lee Press on Nails?

[1849] Because I know she watched the commercial.

[1850] Oh, I know that one.

[1851] These are the amazing Lee press on nails.

[1852] They press on in seconds.

[1853] No glue, no mess.

[1854] Simply press on Lee's super stick tabs.

[1855] Then press on, Lee, press on nails.

[1856] That's all.

[1857] Easy on, easy off.

[1858] Use them again and again.

[1859] They just won't break her split.

[1860] Polish and nearly impossible to chip.

[1861] They come in natural and glamour lengths and a variety of colors for a quick, easy split.

[1862] Press on.

[1863] Lee, press on.

[1864] Oh, do it.

[1865] Wasn't that tight?

[1866] Yeah, that was great.

[1867] I mean, so many living in there.

[1868] Yeah.

[1869] Those nails were all over the house.

[1870] I just...

[1871] Oh, my God, yeah.

[1872] And then you'd just try to go to the bathroom.

[1873] It was impossible.

[1874] You couldn't wait for, yeah.

[1875] They're back, though.

[1876] They're back.

[1877] Oh, I have a daughter.

[1878] Right?

[1879] Yeah.

[1880] She was like, get them off.

[1881] Yeah.

[1882] Yeah, you just straight glue it to your fingers, right?

[1883] Well, now there's ones that stay on way better, these gel X one that Monica and I have been into because you can't pop these suckers off.

[1884] These are at home ones?

[1885] No, these are like at the salon, but you literally that you can't get them off.

[1886] They're not.

[1887] coming off.

[1888] Four weeks she's had those.

[1889] Wow.

[1890] Wow.

[1891] What a great product.

[1892] Doesn't have anything on Lee Press on nails, but still a great, great product.

[1893] And we're excited that they're, I'm so, so grateful that you came by.

[1894] It was nice to see you.

[1895] Yes.

[1896] So nice to have you back.

[1897] Thanks for Christmas seeing with me. I can't believe I even got the gumption to ask you.

[1898] Because that's, oh, glad you did.

[1899] Yes.

[1900] If you to wait it a week, that wouldn't have seen you.

[1901] I know.

[1902] Perfect timing.

[1903] Yeah.

[1904] Well, we love you.

[1905] And again, now this is going to go up on, this will be 3 .5 on the best list of things that you came and gave us Christmas cheer early.

[1906] First one in and gave us Christmas cheer, so thank you.

[1907] Anytime.

[1908] Thanks for having me. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[1909] You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[1910] Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry .com slash survey.