Calm Parenting Podcast XX
[0] Hey, moms, we talk on the podcast all the time about making self -care a priority because when you're tired and you don't feel like yourself, it's hard to be that calm mom you want to be.
[1] That's why I'm excited to introduce Happy Mammoth, creators of all natural products such as hormone harmony.
[2] Hormone harmony contains science -backed herbal extracts called adaptogens.
[3] Adaptogens help the body adapt to any stressors, like chaotic, hormonal changes that happen naturally throughout a woman's life.
[4] Hormone harmony is for any woman with symptoms of hormonal changes, such as poor sleep and racing thoughts, even night sweats and feeling tired all the time.
[5] I feel like myself again.
[6] That's what women say over and over again in reviews of hormone harmony.
[7] It's time to feel like yourself again, moms.
[8] For a limited time, you can get 15 % off on your entire first order.
[9] at happy mammoth .com with the code calm at checkout.
[10] That's happy mammoth .com with the code calm.
[11] So if you follow us on Instagram, you'll notice that all of our videos are filmed from mountain peaks we've hiked, and what powers me is my AG1.
[12] For years, I've enjoyed the same morning routine.
[13] I mix one scoop of AG1 with water, shake it, and the first thing I put in my body is 75 vitamins, probiotics, prebiose, and whole food sourced ingredients.
[14] Check out a special offer at drinkag1 .com slash calm.
[15] AG1 lets you build a healthy daily habit that takes less than one minute and promotes gut health, supports immunity, and boosts energy.
[16] AG1 is a supplement I trust to provide the support my body needs daily.
[17] And that's why I'm excited that AG1 continues to be our partner.
[18] If you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with.
[19] with AG1.
[20] Try AG1 and get a free one -year supply of vitamin D3 and K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1 .com slash calm.
[21] That's drinkag1 .com check it out.
[22] So what do you do in that moment when your child's misbehaving?
[23] They're not doing the right thing.
[24] You're just frustrated and you don't know what to do and you'll hear me in your head being annoying, saying you need to control yourself.
[25] Well, how do you control yourself?
[26] I want to do a really quick, short podcast to give you a few ideas that you can begin to practice.
[27] So that's what we're going to talk about on this very short episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast.
[28] This is Kirk Martin, founder, Celebrate Calm.
[29] You can find us at Celebrate Calm .com.
[30] If you need any help, I'm talking really fast, aren't I?
[31] Contact Casey.
[32] C -A -S -E -Y at Celebrate Calm .com.
[33] Tell us about your family, what you're struggling with.
[34] We will answer personally because this is important to us, and we to help your family.
[35] You can always go online, get everything package.
[36] It's everything we've ever created for like the cost of one therapist appointment.
[37] If you want to talk to me, let's do phone consultations.
[38] I'll talk to you personally.
[39] We'll get a lot done in a quick period of time.
[40] Why?
[41] Because I talk really, no, I don't talk that fast on phone consultations, but we do get to the heart of the matter and come up with really, really specific solutions.
[42] Or you can sign up for one of our boot camps for back to school time.
[43] So here's some ideas for you very quickly.
[44] Number one, sit.
[45] I know this sounds stupid.
[46] It sounds too simplistic, but I like simple stuff that works.
[47] Your busy parents, in that moment, when you're getting frustrated, when you want to yell, when you want to lecture, instead sit down.
[48] It is almost impossible to sit down and yell at someone.
[49] If you do that, you're a freak and you need to stop, right?
[50] Like, right?
[51] Like, marching into a room, means I'm standing here, I'm towering over the child, right?
[52] Or if it's a teenager, I'm kind of looking maybe up at them.
[53] And it creates a confrontation.
[54] And it's a defensive response.
[55] And I kind of want to yell or use this tone.
[56] But as soon as I sit down, and if I sit down and cross my legs, causes me to breathe in a little bit.
[57] It just changes the, my body posture changes my tone.
[58] And tone is almost everything with the strong will kids.
[59] You have to practice using this tone, even matter -of -fact tone.
[60] I don't want to be too much like this and talking like, honey, I really need, I really need your help.
[61] That's weakness, and that's condescending to a strong will child.
[62] So that doesn't work.
[63] I also don't want to start to get this, you know, Casey, how many times, see, as soon as you go there, you're done, right?
[64] It always escalates from there.
[65] the even matter -of -fact tone says I'm in complete control of myself right I my yes is my yes my no is my no I'm not going to yell I'm not going to scream I'm not going to beg you just let you know this is how I roll giving kids some space take a little time you don't have to address every single issue in the moment right now you don't have to you don't it's better if you don't I know but we're supposed to do it promptly.
[66] Sure, but not right away.
[67] It's better if you took a couple minutes, gave your child a couple minutes, rather than jumping down their throats and expecting that they're going to respond well.
[68] I give you permission.
[69] Take some time.
[70] Take some space.
[71] Now here's one.
[72] I was thinking about so many moments with Casey because he and I are both strong -willed.
[73] And we both know how to push each other's buttons.
[74] And there are times where, the child is doing something legitimately wrong or they're just being irritating or they're getting an attitude so many times i felt justified and i could feel it within me i just wanted to bark at him i wanted to teach him a lesson i wanted to lecture him i wanted to come down on him but i remember i would stop i just stopped for a second and i would humble myself there was something about this thing inside where I'd say, I'm justified, his attitude is wrong, I have every right to do this, but I would humble myself realizing it just didn't work.
[75] It never works.
[76] So why keep doing it?
[77] And it was ruining my relationship with my son, right?
[78] And so I would let go of my control, of the way I wanted to do it.
[79] Remember there's this one time, we used to go down when we lived in Nashville on Friday nights we'd go downtown under this bridge and we'd feed homeless people and I remember this one night Casey had a big attitude he was just being right all those words you want to use define disrespectful right and you know what it was he had left his favorite sweatshirt because your kids all have their favorite hoodie sweatshirt they wear like 18 days in a row even when it's a hundred degrees or where when they're wearing shorts to school in the winter when it's minus 20 but they've got their hoodie right that favorite hoodie he had left at the gym and so he was afraid he was going to lose it because with our kids little things really throw them off okay if our house had been burning down he would have been fine he'd been like okay cool we'll build a house i get a new bedroom i didn't really like the house anyway but if i lose my favorite sweatshirt i'm not mocking him i'm mocking myself because i'm the same exact way.
[80] And so in that moment, I wanted to go down the path of, you know what, it's just a sweatshirt.
[81] There's no need.
[82] There's no need for the attitude.
[83] Can you hear my attitude when I'm doing that?
[84] So I remember literally just stopping, humbling myself.
[85] Should I have to stop at the gym on the way to feed the homeless people?
[86] No, it's a pain in the butt.
[87] I'm a time guy.
[88] That's going to take me an extra seven minutes and I've got to get off the highway and go down the side straight and he's got to run in the gym and I don't like driving through shopping centers because you have to go slow and there's all these people pulling out.
[89] I don't like it.
[90] It irritates me. It's bothersome to me. All those things are going through my head.
[91] I just don't want to go by the stupid gym just because he left his sweatshirt.
[92] We'll get it tomorrow when we go to the gym.
[93] That's what I want to do.
[94] And there's nothing wrong with me wanting to do that but there's also also nothing wrong with him wanting to go get his sweatshirt it's just an inconvenience to me and so when i stop and i humble myself and i adjust it's almost like i kind of cocked my head a little bit i change i change my demeanor i change the tone from that clipped sharp i don't know why we need to do that too hey case got an idea what if you will load the water's in the car right now.
[95] I'll go get ready really quickly.
[96] We'll stop at the gym, grab your sweatshirt, and then go down to the feed the homeless.
[97] Bingo.
[98] That's all the talk.
[99] You know we like to get to the root of issues beneath the surface.
[100] And it's the same with acne.
[101] Fyla isn't just about fixing acne you can see.
[102] It's about stopping new breakouts in their tracks by getting right into the pores.
[103] Look, acne can be painful, both physically, and emotionally.
[104] Whether your child is just starting to get breakouts or has been struggling with them for years, phyla is the safe, effective, side effect -free, and natural product that can help.
[105] Phila is like a spa treatment for your skin, gentle, no irritation, no dryness, and definitely no harsh chemicals like benzene.
[106] It's safe for kids of all ages and dermatologist approved.
[107] Don't settle for temporary fixes.
[108] Tackle acne's root.
[109] causes.
[110] Get 25 % off your first order of phila with the code calm.
[111] Go to phila .com and type in the code calm.
[112] That's p -h -y -l -a .com and use code word calm.
[113] That's all it took.
[114] And guess what?
[115] He loaded the car with the water, which I didn't want to do, right?
[116] And we got it done and we problem solved.
[117] And instead of, right, we're doing this good work of like, oh, we're going to go be good people and feed the homeless.
[118] But meanwhile, I'm yelling at my son and ruining my relationship with them.
[119] Right.
[120] So it ends up being a bonding time, and it wasn't that big of a deal.
[121] But that was me changing my tone and my demeanor.
[122] Right.
[123] Here's another one.
[124] Then I'm going to wrap up in under 10 minutes.
[125] So do the opposite of what you'd normally do.
[126] I remember when we had all these, we should have all these strong -willed kids in our house.
[127] And we take them to the pool and what it usually sound like, you know what I want to take you to the pool trying to do something nice you guys need to pick your stuff up you need to get your swimsuit on put your suntan lotion on grab your towel move and when I see all that anxiety in my voice creates chaos and they didn't know what to do and then they'd resist even more so one day I walked into the room I put a swim towel around my neck and I literally sat by that front door I sat down why it's kind of weird throw them off they looked at me and I watched they looked at me one by one they looked and they're like oh we're going to the pool i know what to do and then they would go do it because i was reading them i was drawing them i was doing a phone consultation with a really awesome dad he's doing a we do kind of a special mentoring thing with him as a guy if we have a phone call every week holds him accountable right every week we do a short call because he's a guy we don't want to talk that much and it just keeps us on track and he wants to get the kids in bed and it's cool because we found it he plays guitar and I was like have a show time everything every night the show begins at 830 how you get ready don't care you want to brush your teeth outside don't care but the show begins at 830 so you better be ready jammies on uh teeth brushed all those things by 830 because he was drawing and leading them to this rather than it being I'm tired it's at the end of the day, I want you to be in bed and the child, the thing they want is to delay and not be in bed.
[128] So you have these two competing interests.
[129] And so instead it becomes, I'm going to lead and draw them and create this bond where I put on this show every night and sing a song for them.
[130] See, that's how we do it.
[131] That's pretty cool.
[132] So thank you for listening.
[133] Share the podcast if it's helpful.
[134] If we can help you, reach out.
[135] Get the everything package if you want or do the phone consultations.
[136] However we can help you.
[137] Just listen to the podcast.
[138] I don't care.
[139] read the newsletter.
[140] Just do this stuff.
[141] Let's do it.
[142] Because when you do it, it works and it will change your relationship.
[143] And it does get addictive because you see, huh, when I change my tone, it actually changed their behavior.
[144] It's kind of cool.
[145] All right, love you all.
[146] Talk to you later.
[147] Bye -bye.