Eric Andre

[0] Hi, my name is Eric Andre.

[1] I am Conan O 'Brien's friend, and I feel titillated by that.

[2] Goose bumps.

[3] My ariolas are rock hard.

[4] If I had a heavy sweater on a hanger, could I hang it on one of your ariola?

[5] Yes, you can.

[6] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoe, Walk and lose Climb the fence Books and pens I can tell that we are going to be friends Yes I can tell that we are going to be friends Hello and welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend What you're hearing now is I think our third or fourth attempt To start the show I won't get into what happened But we just kept stumbling and bumbling And we?

[7] Well, first of all, Sona Okay, not you, Matt, okay, not you.

[8] But we try to take where Sona went down a weird road, we had to quickly stop it.

[9] Yeah.

[10] Then I had a small, I'm just going to say it was an aneurism.

[11] Treatable, treatable if there's emergency surgery, very quickly.

[12] Whatever.

[13] Usually, I swear to God, we start this show and we just go, baby, and what you hear is what you get.

[14] Wait, that doesn't make sense.

[15] Because if you heard it, you already got it.

[16] Start again.

[17] No, we're not starting again.

[18] and we're going to plow ahead.

[19] People need to know if nothing else were honest.

[20] So we've never, ever had three attempts to get atop of a show.

[21] No. And today we did.

[22] And I'm saying, because there are a lot of people out there to think, how does Conan do it?

[23] That's just incredible.

[24] He must be juicing.

[25] Oh, my God.

[26] What kind of mind is it, can we get a cat skin or an MRI?

[27] Can we see what this mind looks like?

[28] You know, whatever.

[29] All this stuff they did with Einstein, you know, can we study this?

[30] What I'm saying is that I'm trying to be open with you and say, yes, even I, even I. And if I can make a mistake, it's okay that you make a lot of them too, people.

[31] Is that endearing me to my crowd?

[32] What do you think?

[33] I don't know.

[34] I feel like you lost it when you compared yourself to Einstein?

[35] Well, there are similarities.

[36] Oh, are there?

[37] Yes.

[38] I also have had some of my best ideas while working in a patent office, stirring at a clock tower in a small German town.

[39] That's what he did.

[40] He just worked in a patent office and stared at a clock that was in the center of town.

[41] And that's how he thought up relativity and all those other, you know, that's where he had his A -bomb idea.

[42] Conan, he did not have the A -bomb idea.

[43] My point is...

[44] What is happening?

[45] I don't know.

[46] Is that even, is that even true for real, about Einstein staring at a clock?

[47] I've been there.

[48] No, you haven't.

[49] Yeah, where's the town?

[50] Is it?

[51] It's in Bairn, Switzerland.

[52] Beren, Switzerland.

[53] That's right.

[54] That's right.

[55] He was in Bairn, Switzerland, Einstein, and he was working in a patent office, I believe, at a kind of a humdrum job.

[56] Yeah.

[57] And there's a little...

[58] And that's a museum you can go to now.

[59] Yeah, and there's a clock in the center of town, and he would stare at that clock, and that's where he started to hatch his early theory of relativity.

[60] I think he was on a little train or a trolley moving away from the clock, and that's how he got the idea.

[61] He was either moving towards it or away, and that's how he got the idea for relativity and speed and all that.

[62] You know what?

[63] You know that there's something else to this story that's missing, that if you could go back, I'm Einstein was, you know, love to pretend to be humble.

[64] But you notice how he took all the credit?

[65] Like, I was just on the train and it was moving and I saw the clock tower and that I thought of, and you know that there was a kid or there was like a ticket taker who came by and was like, you know, I need to take your tickets.

[66] I need to take your tickets.

[67] Oh, look at the clock.

[68] Everything's relative.

[69] Right?

[70] And Einstein was probably like, in trying to sleep.

[71] No, but you'll see how it's going and it's just.

[72] like, do you think maybe there's a speed at which time would slow down?

[73] And Einstein was like, oh, fucking, he's always talking about speed slowing down when he get faster from the clock.

[74] I'm just something I'm well, I'm just a humble ticket taker.

[75] But if any, if that idea comes of any use to you, young patent man, uh, maybe you could include my name.

[76] He knew his job.

[77] What's your name?

[78] My name is Heselhofer.

[79] Okay, sure.

[80] I'll include you later.

[81] Incredible, Einstein.

[82] Did this idea come to you and you alone?

[83] Fiercet, did.

[84] Oh, man. Cut to Heselhofer, who by that point has lost his job at the train station.

[85] He's wandering the streets of Switzerland alone with his broken cuckoo clock, looking for a place to get some soup.

[86] And he's reading, and he passes a newspaper.

[87] Einstein thinks up relativity all by himself, right?

[88] Fucking Einstein.

[89] What a dick.

[90] I hate Einstein.

[91] No, but what I'm saying is you know that someone else, These stories, these stories, there's always something else.

[92] Yeah.

[93] So, yes, you were there, right?

[94] Weren't you?

[95] Matt, you saw the clock tower.

[96] He didn't think of that himself.

[97] Definitely there was someone else.

[98] The museum is a patent office?

[99] Is that fun?

[100] Well, we went up to the door and didn't go in.

[101] What?

[102] It's like a tiny little building and it felt cramped.

[103] I think I remember being oddly expensive for what you're about to get.

[104] Wait a minute.

[105] You went to...

[106] You were standing outside the patent office, the little office where Einstein thought up relativity and you, all it took was for you to hand them a piece of dark chocolate and you could have gone and looked at the actual room where the single biggest idea since Newton had his theory of gravity and you didn't go in?

[107] No, well, you could see in it from the doorway.

[108] Oh, you sheepskate, I could see in it from the doorway.

[109] What a cheap skate.

[110] You used to work at Disneyland.

[111] What if I said, oh, yeah, when I'm on the freeway and you get nearby, you can kind of see what's going on in there.

[112] I didn't go by.

[113] Say, yeah, bless you, brother, I understand.

[114] I've driven by, oh, I was, we took off L -A -X and we banked and I could sort of see Disneyland off in the distance.

[115] Yeah, I got the idea.

[116] You don't have to go.

[117] And also, I just want to see the room where clearly Einstein was goofing off.

[118] What do you mean goofing off?

[119] He was not doing his patent work.

[120] Oh.

[121] Sona, there's a lot of times, the office where you sit outside my office and you, you could be thinking up a theory equivalent to relativity or something like that.

[122] Instead, you're watching sometimes porn at work.

[123] Well, in my defense, first of all, my computer doesn't face anyone else so I can watch whatever I want.

[124] And second, I just think that, like, you don't know what I'm doing.

[125] What's the dirtiest thing you've looked at at work?

[126] You really want to know?

[127] Do you really want to know?

[128] Okay, so my, you know, every once in a while, especially when we go to Comic -Con, sometimes we think of and learn these new sexual acts.

[129] So, uh, not that this is new, but one of our - What does that have to do with Comic -Con?

[130] What do you mean?

[131] We're off to, you know, we're off to a comic book convention.

[132] So of course, that introduces the concept of sexual acts, perverse sexual acts.

[133] How do those two connect?

[134] We all sit around in the audience during when you're rehearsing and we'll be like, hey, does anybody know about padlocking?

[135] And then that's how we like look into it.

[136] But one of our favorite videos, and I'm saying our because a couple other people from the office came and watched it was like a, you know, maybe it was like a fisting video.

[137] Oh, my God.

[138] Did you watch that on the work computer?

[139] I did.

[140] Oh, no, I hope HR doesn't find out.

[141] Like, anyone cares at our office.

[142] Was I at work when this was happening?

[143] Yeah, you were in your office.

[144] You were in the video.

[145] Unwillingly.

[146] I didn't know.

[147] It was a prank -fisting video.

[148] Oh.

[149] It was it.

[150] I didn't know if you could make a prank show like that.

[151] And I was, what happened to Candid Camera?

[152] Those were such, it was such innocent fun.

[153] God.

[154] But no, was I, was I nearby when this was shown?

[155] Because I don't look at that.

[156] I'm not going to look at that.

[157] Don't, no, you don't look at it.

[158] But you don't, you never hear people, like, around my office congregating.

[159] They'll be like, oh my God.

[160] I thought you were watching me at rehearsing.

[161] and like, oh, my God, he's quick.

[162] Oh, that was a good at it.

[163] Oh, my God, that was a deep, deep, deep thought he just had.

[164] You think we all get around and watch rehearsal and, like, cheer you on?

[165] I just, yeah, you're watching a maestro at the height of his game.

[166] When you guys were shrieking and saying, that is so amazing, I can't believe that just happened.

[167] I thought you were talking about rehearsal, not a fist going into another person's orifice.

[168] Oh, come on.

[169] Well, anyway, my point is to bring it all back.

[170] is that if fisting videos had been available in that patent office, we wouldn't have the theory of relativity, right?

[171] I think we should have gone with take two.

[172] We'll never know.

[173] Well, many disturbing thoughts.

[174] A lot to chew.

[175] I was going to say a lot to chew on, but I don't want to.

[176] Oh, come on.

[177] Let's move along.

[178] My guest today, good Lord.

[179] It's a very funny comedian and host of the Eric Andre Show on Adult Swim.

[180] his hilarious movie Bad Trip is now streaming on Netflix and it's a delight.

[181] It really is.

[182] Eric Andre, welcome.

[183] I'm literally sweating because my kitchen is hot and my girlfriend is making sausages.

[184] You're mopping yourself right now.

[185] I'm going to describe the action for those viewers that can't see because it's a podcast.

[186] Eric Andre, mopping his forehead with an overly large white towel.

[187] Mopping.

[188] I'm turning on the AC.

[189] You see, I'm turning on my air conditioning.

[190] Now, where are you?

[191] This is where J .J. Abrams succeeded and I failed.

[192] Well, okay.

[193] He had the AC.

[194] I have all my windows open.

[195] I'm not going to close each one.

[196] We gave you a lot of credit because two people have been technically proficient at setting up their Zoom so far during the pandemic.

[197] J .J. Abrams holds the crown.

[198] But you were very good at getting on your computer and handling everything very quickly with an eerie expertise.

[199] I will tell you this.

[200] I felt guilty.

[201] peel back the curtain for the for the viewership i went a little late seven minutes late i don't like being late and i'm always late i live in a constant state of agony existence is punishment for me so i had to eat and i asked conan one of my heroes if i could eat he very politely he's no wolf blitzer he said yes thank you by the way let's just get it out there wolf blitzer uh an insane caligula like madman monster monster but you came on and you was we were scheduled to start at a you came on right on time and you were stuffing noodles into your face out of a bowl and you said I just haven't had a chance to eat I've never seen someone put so many noodles in their mouth and I said chill it's just a podcast relax go and eat your food you're a big deal you've got a huge massive movies hit right now you have the time to go and eat your noodles and we will wait for you I thought you were going to say huge massive aerobiles I'll be honest with you both are true I have spread out sand dollar pancakes on each of my man. I have seen you shirtless and...

[202] It's a, it's a, it's insane looking.

[203] It looks like two...

[204] They look like spaceships.

[205] They look like UFOs side by side that are floating on your chest.

[206] Massive UFOs.

[207] Ed Wood used my nipples in Plan 9 for space.

[208] Yeah, yeah, he did.

[209] Not little fun fact for the real cinefiles out there listening.

[210] You look handsome.

[211] I like your glasses.

[212] Thank you.

[213] I love everything going on.

[214] I like, you got a prairie home companion kind of going on.

[215] You know, it's a chilly day here in Los Angeles, which means it's 85.

[216] And I'm wearing, I'm dressed like a lumberjack today.

[217] I'm wearing a t -shirt, a sweater, and then I'm wearing a lumberjack shirt over that.

[218] And those are layers of masculinity that I've added to myself that I inherently don't have.

[219] Eric, I am so happy for you because I have been a fan of yours for a long time.

[220] We've worked together.

[221] You've done very many hilarious things on my show over the years.

[222] You've done some of the best entrances of any...

[223] Anytime you come on my show, Eric, you always insist.

[224] I can't just come out.

[225] We can't just say, ladies and gentlemen, it's Eric Andre, and you come walking out.

[226] That can't happen.

[227] You always have to come out in an insane way, And it always has to be bigger and bigger and bigger every time, culminating in you dropping from the ceiling.

[228] No, that was Zach Alvinakis.

[229] I think I begged for that to happen.

[230] No, no, no. You were asking for it.

[231] You asked for it.

[232] But you did something else where I thought you were injured when you came out.

[233] And I'm trying to remember what it was.

[234] I popped, well, two things.

[235] Once I did get injured, I popped out of the couch one time.

[236] And one time I came out of a pinata.

[237] Yes, that's it.

[238] But I came, I meditated in your, like, writer's room.

[239] like right before I came out and I don't think I told your AD that I was going to meditate and I came out of the meditation to this frantic PA like you're late you're late for the pinata we got to stuff you in the pinata sir and I was like oh oh sorry I ran downstairs you guys stuffed me in the pinata and the art department was so frantic they were hot gluing me into this pinata and a little drip of hot glue came down and like I didn't know it was it was pure darkness in there yeah so I didn't know what it was and it felt cool it was so so hot that it felt cool at first.

[240] And I was like, that's a nice little cool, refreshing drop.

[241] They just, ah, and I was like, I couldn't scream either because you didn't, it was a reveal.

[242] You were going to, the setup for the bit was, it's national pinata day.

[243] Yes, yes, there we go.

[244] There we go.

[245] It's just the laziest setup.

[246] Hey, wait a minute.

[247] Wait a minute.

[248] And I say that as a high compliment because for the Eric Andre's show, we pride ourselves on the, like, laziest end of the day writing.

[249] Like, when it's like 5 .45 p .m. And all the writers are just, like, rubbing their temples.

[250] Like, please, Eric, can we go home?

[251] Like, those ideas are always the best.

[252] That's what we come up with our dumbest ideas.

[253] So Tommy Blotcha is a writer that we have shared.

[254] And he told us very early on in the Eric Andre's show.

[255] And he looked around.

[256] And we're way in our head about everything.

[257] And he goes, if you overthink, you over stink.

[258] and I have taken that mantra.

[259] Well, you know where he got that.

[260] You know where he got that.

[261] Where?

[262] That was my rule at the show.

[263] I used to say to the writers, and it's not you over -stink.

[264] I would say, remember, when you over -think, you start to stink.

[265] Because it was such a stupid thing to do, and I always would say it like I was Yoda, and this was the greatest wisdom they would ever get.

[266] Ah, it really is, though.

[267] It really, really is, because there's nothing like a joke that comes from, like, the smartest people you know and the smartest group of comedians and writers you know and forcing them to think like a third grader.

[268] Like there's some magic in that highbrow, lowbrow, like, joke writing that, I don't know, it just like works on all levels.

[269] So thank you for being Yoda to Tommy and thank you for Tommy's your mantra.

[270] When you overthink, you start distinct.

[271] And shout out to Tommy Blascha, one of the most talented comedy writers I've ever worked with, really brilliant guy.

[272] So wait, to end the story, oh, that is the end of the story.

[273] So the glue burned me and that I burst out of the pinata, but I just, that is a high compliment that the setup was National Penaata Day.

[274] But I love that.

[275] I love that.

[276] This is the profession you and I work in.

[277] I say, oh, you had some great entrances and I said, you fell from the ceiling once and you went, no, that was Zach Galfanakis.

[278] I burst out of a pinata and I'm thinking, what stupid jobs we have that you're not correct, directing me on no doctor, you use the carotid clamp before you worked on the aorta.

[279] You're saying, no, no, no, no. It was Zach Galaphanacchus who fell from the ceiling.

[280] I popped out of a pinata.

[281] Okay, I guess I'm an idiot then.

[282] I will say the reason I know that is because I was so envious of Zach for coming up with that.

[283] Like, because I think that was like the very first, time I did press and late night and I fantasized about falling from the ceiling on your show for years and I finally have my own TV show and I get to get on your show and he did that like a week before I came on like plucked it out of the ether like right in front of me so I'm always green with envy of Zach for coming he did it just to spite you you know that I got my he got my head like the minority report that Tom Cruise movie he was like yeah moving holograms I have to say, Eric, okay, this is something I want to say in all sincerity before we just evolve into complete idiocy.

[284] But I wanted to thank you for your movie Bad Trip because I'm thanking you because you did something that speaks to me, which is you made this comedy confection which is filled with just delightful silliness.

[285] really intelligent silliness, but also silly and foolish silliness, all mixed together.

[286] And it's made me like humans more because I thought when it was over, I loved that it wasn't, you weren't ridiculing other people.

[287] And almost everybody who is, quote, the victim in one of these pranks, you see them at their best.

[288] They're helping.

[289] They're stepping in.

[290] Their reactions are real.

[291] And then you let them in on the joke at the end and everyone's hugging and I thought that we need more of what this is.

[292] We just need more of this.

[293] This just was the perfect movie for me right now at the end of a year -long pandemic and just all the bullshit we've all been through.

[294] And I think everyone's having that reaction.

[295] Thank you, man. Well, that is high praise.

[296] And yeah, we pulled off like the greatest magic trick of all time doing that.

[297] I think, yeah, I hope the movie heals America.

[298] I feel like...

[299] Oh, you went too far.

[300] You went too far?

[301] You know, there hasn't been one case of COVID or cancer since the movie came out.

[302] There's actually...

[303] No one's died.

[304] No, there have been no deaths in the world since that trip came out.

[305] But no, it really is like I'm not even...

[306] I had a feeling of just...

[307] I watched it.

[308] My wife and I were howling and laughing really hard.

[309] And then I just felt good.

[310] And it kind of underscored I keep going back to this, but Charles Barkley, not too long ago, he had this quote where he just said, you know what, most people are good.

[311] We have a media and a system, and I'm not talking about just Fox.

[312] I'm talking about Fox and CNN and MSNBC.

[313] Everybody, social media, they like to find the fault lines and drive a wedge into it because, unfortunately, that's where the money is.

[314] That's how you make money in, and this was not doing that, and it's hilarious.

[315] and I thought, everyone pay attention to this.

[316] This is, it's very hard to pull off and not everyone can do it, but this is the kind of comedy that speaks to me right now.

[317] My first thing was like, okay, I'm so excited to get to talk to Eric, but mostly I just want to thank him up top.

[318] Nice, man. It's a nice thing you did.

[319] I appreciate that.

[320] Yeah, we pulled off a miracle, I think, that the best quote, we showed a very, like, early rough cut to Sasha Baron Cohen in his house.

[321] He, like, invited me and my director, my producer over because we were, like, struggling with certain parts of the movie getting it on its feet.

[322] And right when the movie finished, he turned to us and he goes, you know, I can't really do his accent, but he's, he's from, he's from England.

[323] He goes, you know, you know, pass me some Earl Gray.

[324] I'm not going to do exactly.

[325] He goes, he goes, my movies set out to, like, expose the hippocels.

[326] and evil of rich white oligarchs.

[327] He goes, your movie is exposing the beauty and the humanity of the working class and people of color.

[328] It's like not polarized.

[329] It's showing like American unity.

[330] And I think what happens with the media is that they, you know, we, like they monetize clickbait and clickbait is like fear mongering and getting people riled up.

[331] And there's not a news story out there that goes, Hey, somebody in St. Louis was nice to somebody else.

[332] Like, that's not a news story.

[333] We just put a microphone up to, like, the kind of worst parts of America, not the best parts of America.

[334] So we pulled off a miracle.

[335] And it took us a while to get there.

[336] It was like, I've been working on the movie for seven and a half years.

[337] And it took us a while I'd get there.

[338] But we realized Eric Andre's show is 11 minutes long.

[339] Right.

[340] It's a different medium.

[341] My persona on the Eric Andre show, which is like late night adult swim, anarchic, you know, psychedelic comedy, that guy can be as psychotic and antagonistic and absurd and surreal as he wants to be during a prank because you're only hanging out with him for 11 minutes.

[342] The guy in the character in the movie to get across 90 minutes of footage, you have to sympathize with the character's plight.

[343] We realized early on my character had to be this Chris Farley -esque, unintentionally destructive, like gentle, like golden retriever.

[344] Like, I mean well, but everything I touch turns to shit because I'm just chasing a tennis ball all around, you know.

[345] What I thought was really nice to set up is that you're in love.

[346] You see the actress who plays your love interest.

[347] Yes, Michaela Conlon.

[348] You see her, and you look like a dog that's just seen an ice cream cone on a hot day, and you just, you have this look of, wonder and astonishment, and then looking at people's real reactions to your cartoonish, frankly, you know, I've never seen anyone fall in love in such an absurd.

[349] It's certainly cartoonish way in real life and pull it off because you really commit to it.

[350] And you see this woman and you're just like, ah, ah, and it's so angelic and sweet and you're you're a hobo seeing a pie cooling on a windowsill, you know, that you can grab.

[351] It's just ridiculous.

[352] And people reacting to it, but I think that's the motivation and that's all the motivation you need.

[353] It's so pure and you can all connect to it.

[354] So I think that's what helps the movie so much is that you're in love and you're taking a chance on finding the love of your life.

[355] And that's a very relatable and sweet story automatically.

[356] And then you can do the most horrible things along the way.

[357] Back to what I've said before.

[358] had to be sympathetic.

[359] I had to be sympathetic.

[360] So like the pranks had to be, help me, help me pranks.

[361] And because I was sympathetic and I had to be in peril in the pranks, it showed the humanity out of the people who were pranking instead of like, you know, punching down or antagonizing them or making them look dumb or, you know, there was no like gotcha kind of pranks, you know.

[362] Well, I also thought there's so much intelligence behind it.

[363] And just as someone who tries to make comedy, I was watching it thinking, oh, I love this.

[364] I love how much.

[365] thought went into this, but what I really appreciate at the end of the day was, this is just a nice story, too.

[366] That's a really sweet story, and that's a story I want to kind of watch again, and I felt so much better after I watched it.

[367] That, to me, is the beauty of what can be done.

[368] I kind of started to go down this road of, are people going to want to, because this has been a huge success for you, and I'm very happy, but what if people just aren't content to watch, a conventional movie ever again.

[369] Because it's so much fun, like, you know, this hybrid, this idea that, okay, let's take some of the anarchy that comes out of a really good prank and reality cameras sort of, you know, cutting around in documentary style, guerrilla style.

[370] But let's also choose our moments to really shoot it in a, in a, with a good cinematographer and with good lighting and stitch it together as a story as well.

[371] And I thought, oh my God, what if what if actors all go out of work forever what if you've just destroyed movies and acting that's what you've done i know i think i was talking to macaela who plays maria in the movie about it and and i think we had a moment where she said something like should we be worried that these like everyday people that we're pranking in the movie are way more charismatic than any actor comedian we've ever met like they have way more personality and charisma and they're like plumbers and train conductors and told booth operators and they're just like so much more fascinating and have so much more depth than us.

[372] But yeah, I don't know.

[373] Jeff Tremaine was our mentor throughout this process.

[374] He directed all the Jackass movies.

[375] He co -created Jackass and he directed Bad Grandpa.

[376] Him Johnny Knoxville and Spike Jones have been working together for 20 plus years and have made half a billion dollars for Paramount.

[377] So he was our Papa Bear throughout the whole process.

[378] And he kept, when we first started pitching him ideas, me and the guy to directs my show, Kitao, and my writing partner, Dan Curry, we kept pitching him just joke -based.

[379] Yes.

[380] And he kept going, yeah, you need a story.

[381] That's not going to sustain for 90 minutes.

[382] I was like, yeah, you need a story.

[383] Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[384] Listen, buddy, I'm on an adult swim for 11 minutes at night.

[385] At 4 in the morning.

[386] I think I know a thing or something.

[387] two about a thing or two and he's like I'm telling you you need a story and it's got to have heart and it took him years to just slap us and throw cold water in our face until we realized and we were like even filming we were like go out and film pranks trying to stitch them together they weren't working rewriting the story like putting more and more story and then like slowly but surely we saw all we had some killer pranks that were totally off story and they just went away and we realized the pranks that are on story are so much richer even when they're really simplistic like one of the pranks that I love best in the movie is when Tiffany Haddish's character she's the villain she finally catches up to us in this little chicken wing spot and she has a flyer with our face on it she's like have you seen these guys they stole my car I know they're close and then she leaves and then me and Rel walk in and everybody in the restaurant's like oh that's them that's them that's the guys on the flyer they stole the pink car there it is and then we're and then he starts panicking and he leaves it's like such a simplistic prank there's no gorilla but fucking me there's no explosions there's no pyrotechnics you know i'm coming from just like i want everything to just be a giant explosion every five seconds and jeff was like we have to we have to have this scene it's like so on story we and uh it became one of the richest and at the same time most minimalist pranks in the whole movie, but the people who were pranking were so on the hook and so invested in the story, in the narrative within the movie, that they just came to life and we just lucked out with some of the most charismatic people in the movie.

[388] Well, you know what's really fantastic is it's also just a study in humanity and not, and I think humanity comes out pretty well.

[389] But for anyone who hasn't seen the movie, and I think a lot of people listening will have seen it.

[390] But if you don't know what we're talking about, it's this idea of these people are just there.

[391] They're eating their food.

[392] They're innocent.

[393] They don't know that they're in a movie.

[394] And so Tiffany Haddish comes in and says, have you seen these guys?

[395] They stole my car.

[396] Shows your pictures.

[397] Gets everyone all wound up, then leaves.

[398] Minutes later, you guys come in.

[399] In a pink car with a pink car pulling up.

[400] In a pink car that's clearly the one that she described.

[401] and they're all activated and then you see them trying to figure out trying to make the right moral choice like who do we lie with?

[402] We don't want to snitch on these guys and then there's this one woman who gets very invested and then you guys leave and then Tiffany Hadish comes back in and she's like they were just here and she has a friend who's saying you're saying too much don't get too involved and I guess what was so beautiful about it is that I liked everyone was trying to do the right thing do you know what I mean And I think that I take that thread, just we spend so much time talking, especially in the last four or five years about how sick our country is and how sick we are.

[403] And there's a lot of self -loathing.

[404] And certainly we have our share of problems.

[405] And I would say America and humans have always had their share of problems.

[406] And I think this country is always a work in progress and we always need to do better.

[407] I think that's all perfectly true.

[408] But we get hammered so much.

[409] And throughout this film, I just kept seeing people.

[410] people, for the most part, being incredibly patient.

[411] You're acting, you know, more you than rel.

[412] You're acting like a complete fool, and you're really, you're practically vomiting on people and you're putting people's lives in danger, and people are still trying to help you.

[413] And they're trying to steer you onto the right path.

[414] And I loved that because I thought, that's my experience with humans is, I don't know, 70 % are pretty good.

[415] And then, you know, that's, that's not bad.

[416] Like, maybe it's 70, but this, I think that really came across in the film is I couldn't believe how patient people were with you.

[417] Yeah.

[418] For the most part, there is a scene where you and Rell are connected.

[419] This is that old comedy trope of two men's penises being attached.

[420] With the Chinese finger trap.

[421] Anyway, you know, we've all seen it.

[422] The Marks brothers did it.

[423] Evans Gostello.

[424] Evan Gostello were attached for you.

[425] by the cock, but, but I just love that, like, there's one scene where I felt, there was a moment where I felt real jeopardy when you guys went into a barbershop to ask for help because your penises were attached.

[426] And I thought you could have gotten killed.

[427] What do you think?

[428] Definitely could have gotten killed.

[429] The guy that we prank confirmed that he was going to kill us.

[430] Afterwards.

[431] And that was, yeah, he, well, I'll tell it from the top.

[432] So for anybody, you know, that hasn't seen the movie, me and brother, you know, we do this prank in the hood where we're connected.

[433] Our penises get stuck in a Chinese finger trap and we can't get out.

[434] So we run into this like hood -ass barbershop and this dude, we go, excuse me, sir, can you cut us out of this Chinese finger trap?

[435] And this guy just exploded into a murder rage because all he saw in his establishment, he's a small business owner, were two eccentric perverts.

[436] just Cirque de Soleiling their cocks back and forth in a Chinese finger trap.

[437] He didn't know what...

[438] I don't even think he heard what we said.

[439] I think he just saw...

[440] Weir, wow, wow, where...

[441] And we also, like, revealed it to him weird.

[442] You couldn't get...

[443] We didn't have good coverage of it, but, like, we, like, here's our cocks, and I went, like, excuse me, sir, and I took my hand and...

[444] Like a magician.

[445] Like a magician.

[446] Like a magician saying, it looks like one cock, but no, sir, it is two.

[447] Yes.

[448] And that band is not in the mood for any magic.

[449] So he started looking around, like grabbing at his back back and he was going, oh, hell no!

[450] Oh, hell no!

[451] Pulled out a knife.

[452] Chase this out with a knife.

[453] That was REL's first day of shooting.

[454] Yes.

[455] Not the movie, not just the movie, but a hidden camera prank.

[456] That was the first hidden camera prank he had ever filmed.

[457] And he quit the movie.

[458] Yes.

[459] He told me this, by the way.

[460] I talked to him last week and he told me he was horrified.

[461] He did that prank and he said, I quit.

[462] I just quit after that.

[463] I quit the movie and you keep telling the story because I've heard his side of it, but he said he quit and then he called a friend to like vent.

[464] Yes.

[465] So we run out of there.

[466] The thing, the prosthetic pine eye trap snaps in half, rail goes like rolling under a park truck.

[467] I'm running for my life.

[468] We yell cut.

[469] We're like, cut, cut, cut.

[470] It's a prank.

[471] And the guy on a dime with a knife in his hand, goes, oh, y 'all are hilarious.

[472] This is a prank?

[473] Knife in hand.

[474] He's like, this is a prank.

[475] Oh, you got me good, man. Like putting his knife away.

[476] That's great.

[477] And then he went, and then he was like, you know, I usually bring my gun to work, but I just forgot it today.

[478] Oh, my gosh.

[479] You guys are lucky.

[480] And we were like, oh, and Rell heard that.

[481] So Rell walked back.

[482] I don't even think he got in the, like, our passenger vans.

[483] I think he walked back to our hotel.

[484] We were in Atlanta with like half of this, like, like prosthetic, rubbery, dick, Chinese finger tract contraction hanging out of his pants.

[485] He was so angry.

[486] I don't think he remembered he had the thing on.

[487] He's just like walking through the streets of Atlanta.

[488] Right, right.

[489] I hate Eric.

[490] I hate this movie.

[491] I quit.

[492] And then, yeah, he called Tiffany just a vent.

[493] Tiffany was not cast in the movie.

[494] And we had the serendipitous thing happening where the woman who was going to play that role just dropped out because of a scheduling conflict.

[495] She was doing a television show.

[496] So at that moment, we just started shooting some pranks with just me and rel while we were looking for a replacement for the Trina character.

[497] And he, you know, I almost got him murdered.

[498] He calls Tiffany Haddish just as a friend to vent.

[499] He goes, I'm doing this Eric Andre prank movie.

[500] He almost got me killed.

[501] I want to quit.

[502] I hate this shit.

[503] And Tiffany just starts dying laughing.

[504] They end the call.

[505] She calls me and she goes, yo, you almost got Rel killed.

[506] and I was embarrassed.

[507] I was like, yeah, don't tell anybody.

[508] And she goes, no, fuck that.

[509] That shit's hilarious.

[510] I live for that prank shit.

[511] I want to be in your movie.

[512] And I was like, wait, what?

[513] That's great.

[514] I love that.

[515] This is what I found out is that she's in the movie because Rel called her to complain about how he's not going to, he's going to walk from this stupid prank movie and that got her to be in it.

[516] And she's absolutely great, by the way.

[517] She is comedy on a cellular level.

[518] There is not one medium of comedy that she doesn't do at 110%.

[519] Stand up, acting, improv, hitting camera pranks.

[520] There was no prank we threw at her.

[521] There was no scenario that we threw at her that she was like, huh, what?

[522] She would just go, got it, and go in and take number one, just knock it out of the park.

[523] She is, I was like, she's a movie star for a reason.

[524] It was one of those, like, she's a star.

[525] Like she was destined to be where she's at.

[526] I love, there's another thing that I really love.

[527] And this, I would have thought, my comedy brain would have said, this isn't going to work if it had been pitched to me, which is, it looks like you're about to be killed and you're hanging from a building.

[528] And Tiffany's looks like she's going to throw you off the building.

[529] Her character's going to kill your character.

[530] And people down on the street see you about to die.

[531] And then somehow you distribute megaphone.

[532] to them, to those people, so they can shout up advice.

[533] Now, I would have said, oh, the minute you start distributing megaphones, people are going to say, why do you have seven megaphones?

[534] Why do you have, suddenly have megaphones, and why are you getting us involved?

[535] But no, in that moment, people just want to help, and they don't question, they jump over all that.

[536] And so suddenly, people have megaphones, and you guys are kind of coaxing them.

[537] You're hanging there about to die, saying, well, what else?

[538] What else?

[539] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[540] And they're coming up with whatever they can think of on the fly to say to you.

[541] And of course, it's some of the funniest stuff in the movie to me is what these bystanders come up with on the fly to save your life.

[542] And it shouldn't work, but it worked beautifully.

[543] Yeah, Jeff and I were like at odds.

[544] I really wanted to do that prank.

[545] Jeff Tremaine and I, and he goes, he's like, can we pull that off?

[546] Are people going to buy that?

[547] I was like, please, let's just go for it.

[548] He's like, okay, but that is like insane.

[549] and it was like just crazy enough to work.

[550] And when the megaphone was like handed over to the people were pranking, I just made sure to like keep their focus on me. So like we had my locations manager dress as a construction worker.

[551] We don't feature him.

[552] There's no there's no fake reactions.

[553] So we don't we just like see the corner of his shoulder, maybe his hand passing off the megaphone.

[554] And I at that moment went, help.

[555] I screamed help as loud as I could.

[556] so that they're just paying attention to me. I don't know, like mid -sentence, whatever I was saying, whether it made sense or not, so that the pass -off was just cohesive and they didn't really realize what was going on.

[557] And my favorite part of that is actually at the very top, the first woman that grabs the megaphone just assumes I'm guilty.

[558] She goes, what the hell did you do to her?

[559] She doesn't question, like, yep, he is guilty.

[560] Like, maybe he's in a sense.

[561] and she's off her meds, you know.

[562] None of that.

[563] Yeah, no, no, no. But it's a fair assumption given you.

[564] You just put off an energy of, yeah, you're in the wrong.

[565] You did it.

[566] Yes.

[567] Most people, I think everybody in those pranks would take Tiffany's side.

[568] Yeah, yeah.

[569] They're like, yeah, he's guilty.

[570] Look at him kind of face.

[571] You know what's kind of interesting, just this is inside baseball stuff, but I've spent 28 years going out and doing remotes.

[572] you know, as part of my gig, and it's the part that I like the most.

[573] It's also the part that I find the hardest in a way, because I can build up to a point where I can be in front of 60 people acting like a complete fool, and I can be that person and do whatever I need to do to get there.

[574] But an hour before that, I'm a quiet, cerebral person who's terrified at the thought of doing the thing that people are pitching to me. And it's very, hard to explain to people, this is the sense I get with you, Eric, is that now that you, this movie's out, people know you from your show, but this movie is such a massive hit, there are people that think you're always that guy.

[575] You're always a guy who can stand at the top of a bar and take a 30 -foot fall into some furniture and then get up and start cone vomiting on everybody through a pneumatic tube.

[576] That is what they think.

[577] But I know.

[578] for a fact that that's your many people and that you actually have to exist a lot of the time is the opposite of that person in order to get to do that.

[579] Is that right?

[580] Yeah, I'd say it so.

[581] I think like I don't film the cloud of anxiety and depression I'm in in the morning before I have to fall 30 feet and into furniture and barf through a cone.

[582] That is not in the footage.

[583] And you, and you, it's funny because Rell was telling me, oh, you know, Eric meditates.

[584] He'll be meditating before he goes out and does these things as if, isn't that crazy?

[585] And I thought, oh, I completely understand that.

[586] I completely understand almost having to dig a deep hole and go into a very quiet place before you can be the person who has no fear.

[587] Yeah.

[588] And I still have the fear and the fear is actually good.

[589] The anxiety is actually good.

[590] I've been on stage doing stand -up where I didn't give a shit about the show and I didn't have the fear and the anxiety.

[591] And that culminates in a mediocre set.

[592] But when I have the fear, that means I want it.

[593] And when you want it, you feel that percolating in the scene.

[594] So, yeah, I meditate and exercise almost every day.

[595] And I try to journal just to keep as calm as I possibly can because I've always struggled with anxiety.

[596] But I'm also putting myself in very anxiety -provoking situations.

[597] I asked the great Tony Randall, and this is in 1993, I said to him, this is going to sound crazy, Mr. Randall, but I feel so bad sometimes before I go out and perform.

[598] And I don't know why it almost feels necessary.

[599] And he just said, but my dear boy, we all have to feel bad in order to feel good.

[600] That's what all performers have to do.

[601] And he said it like, don't you get it?

[602] This is how comedy works.

[603] Yeah.

[604] Now, there are exceptions to that rule.

[605] Like, I know Jerry Seinfeld, I think he's, he's the same guy.

[606] I think he's like, what's the big deal?

[607] I'm going to go out and do my, you know, he's, and he can just do it.

[608] He can do it.

[609] I don't, I'm not knocking him.

[610] He's just, I think he's the exception.

[611] Like, he's able to.

[612] He does, he did say one of my favorite quotes, though, where he goes, it's not show fun.

[613] It's show business.

[614] Yeah.

[615] And it is a struggle and stressful.

[616] And your discomfort is, uh, the audience is.

[617] pleasure sometimes, especially shooting hitting camera pranks.

[618] While I'm shooting the prank, a lot of the times I'm just thinking, the more uncomfortable I am during this, the more comfortable I'll be in the editing bay watching it and going, oh, I'm so glad I took that leap off, you know, the bar top or whatever and like push through that fear and anxiety.

[619] Right.

[620] And you want to make sure that's the thing, too, is while you're shooting these things for the years and years I've been doing it just out in the field, it's, I want that feeling of, I think we got it.

[621] And if you don't feel like, if you didn't get it, you're, there's nothing, you can't go home.

[622] You can't get back in the van and go home unless you've, unless you have it.

[623] And if you don't have it, you're eternally screwed.

[624] And so that's where a lot of the anxiety percolates, I think.

[625] It does fuck with your mind though, because I've had many a night where I'm like, I didn't get it.

[626] I didn't get it.

[627] I fucked up.

[628] Didn't get it.

[629] And then, you know, a few months go by and I'm finally watching the bit in the editing bay and I'm like oh no I totally got it I just my face was down because I was whatever the scenario getting butt -fucked by a gorilla let's say and I didn't see the reaction you know that didn't used to be a common example people throughout that didn't used to be I remember I remember there was a prank I did for the eric show where I was in the streets of New York, like in Union Square or downtown somewhere, like handing out samples of like oat milk smoothies or something like that in little like sample cups on a little street stand.

[630] And then I revealed that I had this like pendulous male breast that would squirt like breast milk into the smoothie.

[631] And then I would continue handing it to the people who were pranking.

[632] And people were shocked.

[633] But I didn't, I went home so frustrated.

[634] I remember being so angry because I was like, didn't get a single good reaction.

[635] And then months later, when I saw the edit, I was like, oh, I just thought I wasn't getting good reactions because when people were reacting, I was so, like, tied down by this, like, man -boob prosthetic that my head was down.

[636] And I was so just focused on getting my action right that their best reactions were happening when I was just looking down.

[637] So it can fuck with you sometimes where sometimes you think you don't got it and you got the best thing ever.

[638] And vice versa, where you're like, dude, that's going to be the best prank.

[639] Oh, my God, we got great reactions.

[640] We nailed it.

[641] And then you just watch it in the editing bay.

[642] And it's just kind of lukewarm or it takes too long to get.

[643] So really, comedy constantly fucks with your head.

[644] Stand up to everything.

[645] It's like the joke you think like, here it is.

[646] This is my home run closer.

[647] The audience is like, huh?

[648] Like, I don't get your propitia reference or whatever the thing.

[649] You know, or whatever you're, you know, what you think is a common reference is an obscure reference or whatever the issue is.

[650] Or sometimes this little throwaway dumb idea becomes like the biggest hit of the show or the movie or your set.

[651] So comedy fucks with your head.

[652] It fucks with my head all the time.

[653] I'm always surprised by the audience.

[654] That is the one conclusion I've come to after I got started in 85, so it's just I can't even count how long that is anymore, but...

[655] 36 years.

[656] Yeah, it's like, okay, I...

[657] You didn't like me doing it.

[658] No, I didn't like it.

[659] Good thing I started when I was eight.

[660] I'm going to go into comedy now.

[661] You're eight years old.

[662] I begin now, I tell you.

[663] You rip your scantron in half, break your number two pencil over your knee.

[664] But the one thing I've learned is you never know.

[665] And that is the part, you can be, you know, getting ready to like, for a biggest deal.

[666] and you don't know which joke is going to, you can be performing in front of a president and you don't, you've thought about it and thought about it and thought about it and you don't know which jokes are going to work and which ones aren't and you won't until that moment comes.

[667] And then you, you, and it's the same thing with shooting out in the field.

[668] You just don't know and there are times where you think, there are times where I'm sure, oh my God, that thing where, you know, we get back, we get back from the field and we've shot something or we've been on a travel show and then I've said, oh my God, I can't wait to see you guys cut together that thing where I'm in the noodle hut.

[669] When I'm in the noodle hut, that just gets really crazy.

[670] I don't even know what a noodle hut is, by the way.

[671] When I'm in the noodle hut...

[672] I'm hungry, I mean, whatever it is, I'm eating it.

[673] You know what I mean?

[674] But I'm like, when we're in the noodle hut and man, that thing, I can't wait to you guys.

[675] And then later on, they're showing me stuff and there's a lot of good stuff and I go, where's the noodle hut?

[676] And they go, yeah, you didn't cut, didn't come together.

[677] And then I'll say like, you're kidding.

[678] That was absolutely the funniest thing I've ever done.

[679] Show it to me. And they'll show it to me and immediately, oh, no, it's not there.

[680] Now, I'm supposed to be an expert.

[681] You're supposed to be an expert.

[682] I know.

[683] We don't know.

[684] We just don't know.

[685] We don't know.

[686] We have a hunch.

[687] We don't know.

[688] Yeah, the worst is when you're like kind of cocky about it with your editor.

[689] And your editor's like, I'm telling you the noodle hut doesn't work.

[690] And you're like, Luke, trust me. I just just cut just show me the cut and he's like all right man I've been in that conversation so often and I'm just like at the end they press pause you know they're done showing you the cut and you're like well you know I mean you were fucking right they do that they always have a swivel chair and they do that cocky swivel in the chair so they show it to you and then you're like well I'm leaving this noodle hut and cut and then it's always a little squeaky and they look at you and you go yeah, okay, okay.

[691] You know, I think it's better than you said it was but yeah, maybe it's not going to the show.

[692] Maybe it's not going to go and then they turn back and I'm like, you could oil the fucking chair.

[693] You're just doing that.

[694] Yeah, they're always right.

[695] It's so frustrating.

[696] They're always fucking right.

[697] You're like, damn it.

[698] You know what I realized?

[699] realize that you have an unfair advantage because I was thinking about this.

[700] I didn't know this that your mom, I may have known this once, but I forgot about it, but your mom's, uh, is this right?

[701] She's Ashkenazi, Jewish.

[702] And your dad's an Afro -Hasian immigrant.

[703] And I was thinking, wait, Jewish, black, those are two of the maybe three best comedy jeans or four, you know what I mean?

[704] That's just not, that's not fair.

[705] I mean, I've got the Irish thing and we, okay, the Irish, they have a good comedy, Gene, but I'm 100 % just that.

[706] You've got this insane superhero mix of powers in comedy, which feels unfair to me, frankly.

[707] Yeah, I, you know, just being Sammy Davis Jr., just lucked out.

[708] I think he converted.

[709] I don't think that's different.

[710] That's different.

[711] I've converted to Judaism many times and it has not, I'm not getting, I'm not getting that sweet superpower that my Jewish friends have.

[712] Yeah.

[713] Well, that sweet super power is called anxiety and depression.

[714] Congratulations, Eric.

[715] I just wanted to end on that note.

[716] Well, you know what?

[717] I don't want to keep you any longer because you have been so gracious with your time.

[718] Let me end where I started, which is you've always been a great champion of silliness and of goodwill and then for you to put all that magic into this movie, and I know it's been a seven -year struggle, but to put all that together and then to pull it off with such a plumb, it really makes me happy, really does.

[719] Thanks, man. Thank you.

[720] That is high praise, and I'm such a fan, and I grew up watching you, so it's an honor to hear those words.

[721] Well, you just basically, you know, that was your way of putting it in there again, how old I am.

[722] When I was six and you were eight, and you were on television.

[723] Conan Winnett.

[724] I remembered when I was seven and you were 60 and I was watching you and you were just hitting it out of the park.

[725] And I knew that.

[726] You were 29 on late night.

[727] Like you were, I, just for shits, like, watched an old, like, season one of you and you look like, like you just had your sweet 16.

[728] Oh.

[729] Hey, so, uh, I got a licorice whip the other day.

[730] You were like, you know, a turn.

[731] Charleston chew in your pocket, and you're like, hey, you're like biting on a shiny quarter.

[732] No, no, I'm telling you, if anyone wants to know, what would it be like if an 11 -year -old girl from the Depression was given a TV show, go back and look at any of my shows from 1993, and that's exactly what it looks like, because it's, how did you convince NBC to take a chance on you at that youth?

[733] At that, like, in what meeting did you go, It's gonna be me, baby?

[734] Like, I would have loved you just stood up.

[735] You're like, in my 29 years on this earth, in my three years in show business, I'll tell you.

[736] Letterman's out, I'm in, baby.

[737] Oh, Quarmerman's had his time, and now it's mine.

[738] Wait, how did you get in here?

[739] You're supposed to just, you're supposed to leave the sandwich order, take the tip and go.

[740] Now he's out and I'm in, see?

[741] Did you just corner Lauren Michaels?

[742] Oh, it's a whole...

[743] And like a bunch of executives, did you just corner several executives?

[744] And you were like, come on, Buster Brown!

[745] I know what that kid's like.

[746] I will tell you this.

[747] I will someday have to tell that whole story because it's a crazy story.

[748] I will tell you that you'd think now almost three decades later that I would look back on it and say, No, that made sense.

[749] It doesn't.

[750] None of it makes sense.

[751] But, you know, the plan worked.

[752] The plan was always for me to get the podcast.

[753] And so it worked.

[754] Hey, Eric, just all my insane love and gratitude for what you're putting out there.

[755] I mean that.

[756] And please keep doing more of that.

[757] We need it.

[758] We really do need it.

[759] Sounds good.

[760] Thank you, man. I appreciate you.

[761] Eric, go eat some sausage.

[762] Sounds good.

[763] That's not a euphemism that they were making sausage.

[764] I will suckle a sausage.

[765] Okay, well, now that sounds.

[766] That's not a you.

[767] That's how I eat sausage.

[768] Yeah.

[769] That's not a euphemism.

[770] I can't wait to ram a sausage in and out of my mouth many times until the juices shoot out.

[771] That's just the way I eat sausage.

[772] Can a man have a literal conversation about sausage?

[773] Can a guy talk about how he loves to lick a sausage?

[774] Jam it in and out of his sausage.

[775] mouth until it explodes without people getting all fucking weird all right Eric go do more good things and relax and thank you that was great thanks buddy thanks for doing it well I have some exciting news which is this is all happening in real time it is now 1230 in the afternoon at 730 this morning I got my second Moderna shot my body is now pulsating with with the second Moderna shot.

[776] It is coursing through my veins as I speak.

[777] And so this is kind of an experiment in real time.

[778] The shot didn't hurt at all.

[779] Got my first shot a month ago.

[780] Today was the day.

[781] Sona, you were kind enough to come with me. Yep.

[782] You took it like a champ.

[783] Thank you.

[784] And they told me you might not feel well later today or maybe tomorrow that that's common.

[785] But I'm deciding that my mind is going to defeat this.

[786] It's mind over matter.

[787] I'm just deciding right now that I have a very powerful mind and a correspondingly weak body.

[788] So what I'm going to do is my mind is going to say no. No, I'm not getting anything.

[789] Nothing's, I will have no side effects.

[790] I'm just not interested.

[791] Not going to happen.

[792] Do you feel anything yet, like even a pain in the arm?

[793] No. No, I don't feel.

[794] I mean, there's a slight, it's a slight pain at the site, but I'm going to will that away.

[795] That's not happening.

[796] Have you ever done this mind over matter thing before?

[797] Or is this the first time?

[798] Oh, okay.

[799] This is the first time.

[800] That's not true.

[801] That's not true.

[802] I was once, I have a pretty strong will.

[803] Would you say that's true, Sona?

[804] You do, yeah.

[805] And I, when I'm, there have been times where I've been sick and I had to perform and I just decide I'm not sick.

[806] And then I have a pretty good time performing and then I get even sicker when I'm, when I'm off stage.

[807] Yeah, that's true.

[808] And once I was visiting my wife's family in Seattle, this is like eight years ago.

[809] and a car filled with her friends backed over my left foot.

[810] Oh, my God.

[811] And, like, her friends are big adult males, and they were in a car, and it backed over my left foot, and I felt a horrible pain, and looked down, and my foot didn't look right.

[812] And it was, it turned crazy black and blue, and my wife was like, I think you broke your foot, and I just said, no, no, let's not talk about it.

[813] Jesus.

[814] Oh, my God.

[815] And then I never went and got it checked out.

[816] And, uh...

[817] What happened?

[818] My mind, Sona, I just decided I'm not going down that road.

[819] We're not going to the hospital.

[820] I'm not getting an x -ray.

[821] I'm not having them set the bone.

[822] It's not going to happen.

[823] But there's no time for this shit is what I said.

[824] No, but that's not how science works.

[825] Like, I know.

[826] And my father is a scientist.

[827] I know.

[828] It doesn't make any sense.

[829] but I remembered, I don't want this to have happened.

[830] Why did you even get the vaccine then?

[831] Why not just willpower away COVID?

[832] Hey.

[833] Well, I think that's spreading an irresponsible message.

[834] Okay.

[835] Okay, Matt, I'm sorry, but I'm a believer in vaccinations.

[836] Hey, man, I'm fully vexed.

[837] Look, that's, you've just raised a really good question.

[838] Why didn't I just will myself not to get COVID?

[839] Yeah.

[840] Well, that, that, you just completely took apart my whole riff.

[841] Yeah.

[842] I'm sorry.

[843] No, no, that was, that was, you know what that was, you know what that was.

[844] was, that was strategic.

[845] I had a whole cocky riff going.

[846] And then now you're like, yeah, you're right.

[847] I'm probably, now I'm going to get really sick, really big side effects from the second Madonna.

[848] Is your foot permanently damaged?

[849] No, there's no damage to my foot because the accident didn't happen.

[850] That's how mind over matter works.

[851] No, it didn't.

[852] It didn't happen.

[853] You know when Wiley Coyote is chasing the roadrunner and the roadrunner stops and Wiley Coyote keeps running off the cliff and then he stands there for a long time?

[854] When does he fall?

[855] When he looks down.

[856] When he looks down.

[857] He's a great role model.

[858] I see where this is going.

[859] Yes, he is a great role model because he is, I mean, first of all, people say, oh, poor coyote, I see a guy who's joyous.

[860] I love the coyote because he always knows what his purpose is, always.

[861] Think of all the calories that the coyote is burning, chasing.

[862] Yeah, he's yoked.

[863] The roadrunner.

[864] No, no, my point isn't that he's yoked.

[865] My point is that it's so calorie and efficient to chase the roadrunner.

[866] But that's one of those things that I, you know, I don't understand.

[867] I just fundamentally don't understand.

[868] As a kid that bothered me. Yeah, I get it.

[869] Where's he getting the money?

[870] Are you able to enjoy any entertainment?

[871] I like crime.

[872] I like true crime.

[873] Oh, my God.

[874] I like true crime.

[875] To enjoy it?

[876] I mean, I do.

[877] I have a hard time sometimes with, comedy because I spent a lot of time thinking about it, that it becomes what they call a busman's holiday, you know?

[878] I've never heard that.

[879] You haven't heard that?

[880] You haven't you met?

[881] Has anyone heard that phrase?

[882] Okay, busmen's holiday used to be, I think that phrase comes from like the 1930s or 40s when people would get on a bus and take a nice trip around the country.

[883] And then you wonder, what does the bus man do on his holiday?

[884] I see.

[885] And so it's called a busman's holiday.

[886] I'm sorry.

[887] Okay.

[888] Well, see, so I, as someone who thinks about comedy all the time, if I'm watching, I might not relax watching a late night talk show because I go, oh, yeah, they're doing all number 45B, you know, oh, now he's doing number 27J.

[889] And I'm sure they think, if Sona, if you went on a vacation to an assistance convention.

[890] Yeah.

[891] What an awful vacation that would be.

[892] Oh, my God.

[893] Let's talk about schedules.

[894] Let's talk about getting your boss coffee.

[895] Oh, come on.

[896] What do you do when it's lukewarm?

[897] What do you, how many Splendez does your boss take in his?

[898] coffee.

[899] I wasn't too finicky about food and stuff, was I?

[900] Listen, no, here's what it happened.

[901] I would heat up your food.

[902] I would take it to you and then you'd be like, this isn't hot enough.

[903] And so I would have to take it back and heat it up.

[904] Same with your coffee.

[905] Like there was always this like, it's just not hot enough.

[906] Really?

[907] Yes.

[908] But you were not that, no, it wasn't annoying.

[909] No, but I like, you know, I think you're a bit of an undercooker.

[910] I know that you're not experiencing Wow, okay.

[911] No, just in general, I'm being honest.

[912] I'm being honest with you.

[913] You're someone who, as you have said, you didn't have much experience with a microwave.

[914] Yes.

[915] And so you tended to hit the button, which probably did 30 seconds.

[916] I'm someone who hits it like seven times.

[917] I like my food to look like it just was rescued from the center of the sun.

[918] Do you know what I mean?

[919] Oh my God.

[920] Just pulsating with heat.

[921] During that segment, you said you heat up for two minutes.

[922] I was heating up your lunches for four minutes.

[923] I was basically just leaving it in there.

[924] And the microwave you were using was the first microwave ever built.

[925] It was circa 1975, and it was a NASA prototype.

[926] That's what you were using.

[927] You had to put on a beekeeper's outfit whenever you turned it on, and you would fire up this thing, and yeah, you'd hit it for five minutes and it would come out, and maybe it was one degree warmer than it was when you removed it from the freezer.

[928] So my point is, You didn't have a good microwave, and you should have compensated.

[929] Okay.

[930] Well, that's good.

[931] You know what?

[932] There was one time when I was an RA at a summer program for high school students, and one girl had never used a microwave before in her life, and she heated up in -and -out French fries for 10 minutes.

[933] Oh, my God.

[934] And the smoke alarm went off, and the entire building had to evacuate.

[935] I think she was Quaker.

[936] That's the way to end any story.

[937] any time anything happens that is sort of just strange or weird just go I think he slash she was Quaker that's the way to do it and so there's a hierarchy of cultures that use the microwave and there's the last on the list is Armenian except for Quakers so you're saying so Armenians don't like microwaves and you're saying Quakers because of their faith can't they can use like so like Amish or Mennonites would be in there too yes well they can use the Amish can use a microwave if it's made of wood.

[938] If it's a wooden microwave and all wooden components which is, it's still achievable but it tends to burst into flames.

[939] The other day, true stories, you know those Yeti coffee containers?

[940] Someone gave me one of those Yeti things because when I drive around I like to drink coffee and it keeps it nice and hot.

[941] And I had some coffee in one and it was getting cold so I went to put it in the microwave.

[942] It's metal.

[943] Oh.

[944] So what I did was I just open the microwave, I put it in, I slammed it shut, I pressed, you know, 30 seconds, and the thing lit up and just started to go, mm, and one neuron in my brain went, no!

[945] And so it did one second, and I reached over and ripped open the thing and pulled it out just before, I don't know what happened was going to happen.

[946] I think if, I mean, again, I'm going to reference the movie Weird Science.

[947] I think I would have gone back in time and had sex with Kelly LeBrock, but that aside, I don't know.

[948] That was weird.

[949] It would have been an explosion.

[950] I literally said out loud, no, and opened it up because I guess, I don't know what happens, but if you microwave metal, it's bad, right?

[951] Yeah.

[952] Yeah, it's bad.

[953] I even know that.

[954] Here's the thing.

[955] You see, you've become so dependent on the microwave that you're like, let me put this in there without even thinking about what it is and your entire house could have burned down.

[956] That's all.

[957] Maybe.

[958] Maybe I am too dependent on the microwave.

[959] You owe me an apology.

[960] Before I mail out a letter, I microwave it for 30 seconds.

[961] I'm doing things with a microwave now that aren't necessary.

[962] Before I take a Tylenol, I microwave it for 15 seconds.

[963] Because I think it's going to just make things happen faster once it gets in my body if it's slightly warm.

[964] Mind over matter.

[965] Yeah.

[966] Anyway, this was a great PSA for vaccinations.

[967] What happened?

[968] You know what we should do?

[969] We should get it out If an idiot like me is getting vaccinated, that's a sign that everyone should get vaccinated.

[970] That's how common sense it is to get vaccinated.

[971] Seriously, get vaccinated.

[972] I can't say that enough.

[973] That's that I'm very serious about.

[974] I just had my second shot.

[975] Still feeling nothing because mind over matter.

[976] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend with Sonam Obsessian and Conan O 'Brien as himself.

[977] Produced by me, Matt Goreley.

[978] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff.

[979] Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf.

[980] Theme song by The White Stripes.

[981] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[982] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

[983] The show is engineered by Will Beckton.

[984] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review featured on a future episode.

[985] Got a question for Conan?

[986] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -151 -2821 and leave a message.

[987] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[988] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[989] This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.