I Was Abused by a Narcissist—Here’s the Truth No One Tells You

[0] Hello, everybody, and welcome back to The Advisor with Stacey Chalemi.

[1] And today I'm very excited because we have our special guest.

[2] We have Janice Becker on the show, and she has her own podcast on our channel.

[3] And she's just an amazing woman.

[4] She's also part of our podcast community.

[5] And she talks about narcissism, dysfunctional relationships, how to get through the trauma in your life and how to move forward in life.

[6] And she really focuses a lot on women and helping women move through the hard times and really help them get through the issues in their life that are holding them back.

[7] And today she's going to talk about how to journey through trauma to triumph.

[8] And she has had, you know, right before the show, you know, she had shared a special story about something had just happened to her that, you know, that you see on TV that you don't usually hear, you know, in real life.

[9] life but honestly these things happen every day to so many women hundreds and hundreds of women every day are either abused mentally they're abused physically they have narcissistic spouses or partners or boyfriends in their life that are abusing them and they are in these relationships they're either scared to get out they don't know how to get out some of them can pick up the red flags Some of them have the red flags right in front of them, but they just don't see them.

[10] And you don't want to wait till it's too late.

[11] And, you know, that's Janice's basic, you know, she really wants to help women so they can get out of these relationships.

[12] They see the red flags and they know that there's hope in their life.

[13] And I'm going to just hand over the plate to Janice.

[14] Thank you, Stacey.

[15] I really hope that I do and being brave enough to come out and tell my story.

[16] And I think what's really important for all women to know that it doesn't matter your education level.

[17] It doesn't matter the race that you are.

[18] You know, it can happen to just anybody.

[19] And you can do the due diligence that you can in every aspect of entering into a relationship and still find yourself a victim of narcissism or a toxic...

[20] relationship but the most important part of that is identifying it knowing how to identify it and then to pick yourself up and get out of it not to wallow and beat yourself up and think that this is your fault um or you know i should have done something more to prevent it or you'll have even friends and family will say things like you should have vetted better there's only so much that you can do when When you're dealing with a person with narcissistic tendencies and behaviors, they're great.

[21] They're experts at hiding it.

[22] They're experts at making you feel fear to really pull that wool over your eyes and to identify exactly what it is you want to take advantage of you and get you exactly where they want you to be.

[23] That is so true.

[24] You know, it's very hard because narcissistic people, they have very low self -esteem.

[25] People don't realize that, but they also are very good manipulators.

[26] And the problem, you know, I have narcissistic people in my family and what I've seen is that they are great.

[27] They could go in front of somebody and they could just turn the situation around and they really make the other person look like the evil one.

[28] And they look like the person who's the victim or the person who is being abused in some way.

[29] or another.

[30] And, you know, you really have to learn how to see those red flags and you really have to learn how to react and really be able to, you know, handle the situation, you know, for you, you know, I know, you know, today something crazy happened to you and maybe you could just share a little of that story and then, you know, and, you know, talk about some of those red flags and how to really.

[31] You know, like, you know, because there is a special way of you, you cannot talk to a narcissist the way you would talk to a regular human being.

[32] There is a special way of you have to understand what a narcissist is, and then understand how to communicate with a narcissist and be able to, you know, the right procedures of how to walk away and how to know what words to say and when to stop.

[33] So there, there.

[34] Because they are out for the kill.

[35] The narcissists, you know, they don't stop until they get satisfaction of hurting others.

[36] They just, that is their thing.

[37] So, you know.

[38] I want to just, you know, encourage you, share your story because it really, it's an insane story, but it's something that so many people can resonate.

[39] And I hear stories like this, you know, but, you know, you see it on TV, but, you know, you don't see it always on, you know, in real life situations, but then you talk to people in communities and a lot of people have similar stories.

[40] Yeah, you know, I actually, this happened just 30 minutes before we got on here.

[41] And I called my mom.

[42] I said, Mom, I don't, you're not going to believe what happened to me, the person I've been dating.

[43] And here's what happened.

[44] I'll go into detail here in a minute.

[45] But it was like, it's the most unreal thing to happen.

[46] And ironically, right before we jump on here, but I think you're also right.

[47] Instead of going from that mindset of, oh my gosh, what am I going to do?

[48] I don't think I can do this podcast.

[49] I think I should reschedule.

[50] I'm going to turn that around and share my story to hopefully help other women with what's going on so that they can know you're not the only one going through it.

[51] But yes, I was dating somebody who seemed like the exact type of person that I wanted to date.

[52] Tall, dark, handsome, successful, same religious background as me, same political views as me, and great with my kids.

[53] And I'm very protective over my children.

[54] And I think that they, he knew that, you know, so of course the first thing you're going to do is you're going to bond with the children so then they can get in there and make you feel like they're a real safe, good person.

[55] He went to church with me. So I was convinced that he was a real Christian, upstanding man. He is traveling right now for work and he's doing work for a big corporation.

[56] And he's like, look how successful I am.

[57] Here is my big luxury car.

[58] Look at my big muscles, you know, that kind of thing.

[59] Didn't want to knowing because I'm already suspecting this guy's a narcissist.

[60] As you've mentioned, we have experience.

[61] We know exactly what to look for.

[62] And there were some red flags.

[63] And so I thought, okay, I'm going to handle this very tactfully.

[64] I was met with what I didn't want to hear, which is that he is married.

[65] And on top of that, very abusive.

[66] Yeah.

[67] And, you know, you had mentioned that, you know, that they, you know, he is very abusive and that his kids had witnessed the abuse and, you know, towards towards the wife.

[68] And, you know, you were really upset about this.

[69] And, you know, you you led him into your life and you trusted him.

[70] And, you know.

[71] And, you know, they know how to do this.

[72] They know how to to windle their way.

[73] And a lot of times narcissists are just they're full of lies.

[74] Everything they say pretty much is a lie.

[75] They fabricate stories.

[76] They they they say what you want them to hear, you know.

[77] And, you know, people shouldn't, you know, be hard on themselves because they are very good at what they do.

[78] You know, and I said to you, think of it as a blessing because.

[79] you actually were able to, you know, find out before anything happened to you.

[80] Because if he was abusive towards his wife, obviously he was going to be abusive to you.

[81] And narcissists are always abusive, whether it's mental or it's physical or sometimes both, you know, so.

[82] in a sense, it's a blessing that you found out beforehand and now you're able to protect yourself.

[83] And, you know, I think that's one thing we have to like, you know, really talk to people about too, is that you need to protect yourself.

[84] You know, people sometimes are in denial too.

[85] Oh, no, no, that can't be true.

[86] That can't be true.

[87] And then, or they're very hard on themselves.

[88] Oh, I was so stupid.

[89] How could I not see this?

[90] But you know what?

[91] They know it's a disorder and they know how to manipulate.

[92] They know, and their goal.

[93] is to take control there they get they get actually they they they it makes them feel good you know because endorphins off of that yes yes You know, they, you know, they want, they look for people who are a good stand in their life because to them, people are trophies, you know, and they, they, and they, they create these, these, these make -believe lives that, you know, oh, I'm this, oh, I'm that.

[94] It's, it's because they have to make themselves feel good because deep down inside, they don't feel good about themselves.

[95] Yeah.

[96] I mean, they don't only use puffery on themselves.

[97] They use it on other people as well.

[98] Yeah.

[99] and that's definitely what i started to notice there was just some things that i thought well that's really It's very odd for somebody who's trying to say they're a down to earth person and kind of really puffing himself up with, you know, again, look at my big muscles.

[100] And then he accidentally let it slip about him having an IMDB page.

[101] And I went, why that's new.

[102] But I mean, that makes sense to what a narcissist does when they're like, you know, look at me, look how great I look, look how smart I am, you know, and then you have to be so careful because if you say anything that could tarnish.

[103] their self -image and their image to others.

[104] That's where that violent tendency comes out.

[105] As you said, it could be verbal, it could be physical.

[106] So when I found that out, my first thought, of course, is protect my children.

[107] Yeah.

[108] I've been at my house, protect myself and protect this poor woman because the last thing I want is for anything to happen to her any more so than already has transpired.

[109] And so I had just sent a basic message of, Hey, I'm so sorry.

[110] I just don't think it's going to work out.

[111] I don't want any drama in my life.

[112] So I know you've spoken to her and I'm sure she's told you all kinds of BS.

[113] Now that's the thing is that they want to know what was said against them.

[114] So then he can defend himself and then he can hurt her.

[115] And I didn't want that.

[116] So I didn't mention, and I'm not going to mention what was said between us was between us.

[117] Exactly.

[118] All he needs to know is I'm being honest.

[119] I don't need this drama in my life.

[120] And there's the door.

[121] It's so important to understand that these narcissists will tell you anything and everything that you want to hear to keep you, whether it's to scare you, whether it's to convince you that they're holier than thou, anything to make you feel good too, to be like, you're the most wonderful, most beautiful person I've ever met.

[122] Yes.

[123] Just to keep you in their web.

[124] they need you in order to thrive in order to survive they're very materialistic individuals that have nothing inside themselves and everything is about them and how good looking they are how you know this is what i do for a living and look at this and look at that and they you know it's so important for them to you know have you in their life and and because you are uh you you're you're you're a victim and you they thrive off of you they thrive trying to control you they thrive off of you know wanting to hear praise from you they want to hear they want to hear you talk about how wonderful they are and then the moment that you say anything that could be you know negative or you know say hey you know i didn't like that that wasn't nice or you know you you know you hurt me they will get they will get very defensive you know i don't think in my life I have never heard a narcissist say I'm sorry those words have never come out of any narcissist's mouth that I know You know, it just doesn't exist in their life.

[125] They will never be sorry, but they will say what you want them to hear because the worst fear is to have that person walk out of their life.

[126] So they will do whatever they can to keep you in their life.

[127] And that's when people have to, you know, they fall for it and they're like, oh, you know, okay, you know, you know, and they just, they don't want to accept that, you know, the relation, it's not a real relationship.

[128] This is a narcissist, you know, or they just don't realize it.

[129] And that's a problem, you know, because there's so many people I see stay with these narcissists.

[130] Yeah, it's and they also get very defensive when they're called out on something.

[131] So, yes, yesterday he was supposed to be over at my house and he said it was like a certain time.

[132] It was like five thirty to be at the house.

[133] And he goes, oh, I'm sorry.

[134] I got I got hung up in traffic, but I'm on the way.

[135] It looks like I'll be there at six thirty.

[136] It's seven o 'clock and he texts me. He's not there yet.

[137] And he says, oh, I'm on the way.

[138] And I said, I thought you were already on the way.

[139] And he was like, he got very defensive.

[140] He texted me and said, I don't understand what you're confused about.

[141] I'm trying to communicate with you.

[142] Yeah.

[143] It takes you 15 minutes to get to my house.

[144] What took two hours.

[145] Exactly.

[146] Thing was off.

[147] So, you know, follow your gut.

[148] I mean, I fully believe our gut never steers us wrong.

[149] Yes.

[150] steer ourselves away from our gut you need to go towards it because it is screaming loud and clear and you're lying to yourself and that's the thing more than anybody in this world we lie to ourselves more than anybody else yes so like have a tag up for yourself too Yeah, you know, we are always, you know, so many people are in denial.

[151] They don't want to face the truth.

[152] They don't want to face that, you know, that the person that they trusted, the person that they love is the person who's hurting them the most, you know, and they will sit there and they will take that abuse.

[153] And, you know, I think it's so important to try to reach out to support groups when your gut is telling you that there's something not right, you know.

[154] it and you see some of the red flags you know like i didn't know what narcissism was until i started to really do some research you know and you know i said wow this person has a lot of narcissistic you know qualities.

[155] And so then I started to do research on it and I started to really learn about it.

[156] And I started to read about what psychologists are talking about.

[157] I started to go to very reputable magazines and listen to what doctors had to say.

[158] And it was like, they fit every single symptom and personality of a narcissist.

[159] And the best thing I think to do is when people start to understand what a narcissist is, narcissist.

[160] If you suspect the person that you're with is a narcissist, Learn about what a narcissist is because there's a lot to be learned about a narcissist.

[161] And then go get support.

[162] A person doesn't have to know that you're going to get support.

[163] But if you go to get support, you will find out that there are a lot of people suffering from this and the importance of taking action in your life because you're getting abused on a daily basis by these people.

[164] And it only gets worse.

[165] It only becomes worse.

[166] It'll get better for a short time, but it will always go right back.

[167] Yes.

[168] You know, I had gone to my therapist and was like you said, I was educating myself on narcissism and looking back on all the relationships that I had, whether it was family or, you know, romantically and even some friendships.

[169] And I, and I even went.

[170] am I a narcissist?

[171] And she goes, the fact that you asked that question validates that you're not right.

[172] Like, Oh really?

[173] She goes, yes, because they can't have any self reflection.

[174] Yeah.

[175] I was like, well, that's something I never thought about, but I mean, that's so true.

[176] It is so true.

[177] And I think what we also hear a lot, at least from what I have learned with anybody with narcissistic tendencies and behaviors, what have you, is that they encountered some form of abuse in their childhood.

[178] Yes.

[179] created this and that was something that this person was sharing with me was that he had gone through it i mean the stories were horrific and if they were true again he could have made it up but they were absolutely horrific of what he went through and what he witnessed too as a child and um and i think that's another reason for women to be very aware of that because if you have children and you want to protect them at all costs getting them out of any situation where you have a narcissistic abusive person around them yeah Best thing you can to not create another version of that.

[180] Yes.

[181] Oh, a hundred percent.

[182] And my biggest problem was, is that when I, the narcissist in my life is that I would, they would hurt me. I would put a wall up.

[183] And then they would start to be really nice and they would start to do nice things.

[184] And I'm like, wow, I could really trust this person.

[185] This person really cares.

[186] And I would let the wall down.

[187] And as soon as I let the wall down, they came in full force.

[188] I was hurt some way or somehow, whether they were vindictive, whether they were doing something that was just, you know, unbearable, that a normal person would not do to somebody that they loved.

[189] And I would get hurt over and over and over again, you know.

[190] And then a lot of people, I see some people, they get to the point where they just have that wall up all the time.

[191] But then they're not able to communicate and love with other people.

[192] It ruins them from being able to have stable relationships with other people because they've been so many hurt by that one narcissist that they put up a solid wall and they don't let the wall down.

[193] Yeah, I know.

[194] I have found myself guilty of that.

[195] And it was kind of in the same situation here.

[196] I was like, well, this feels too good to be true.

[197] Everything is so good.

[198] um and it's so hard sometimes because you do wonder if you're seeing red flags or if you're creating red flags and it's important to know the difference but there was the red flags he was definitely the one creating not me in this case um but that's really important again just self -reflection on can i let down my guard because as you've said i've i've been guilty of that too all my life a person He would do the same exact thing.

[199] And you're always just waiting for the ball to drop of like, how long am I going to see this side of this person that's loving and supportive and caring?

[200] And then out the door, it goes harder than it ever did before.

[201] Yeah, definitely.

[202] And I think it's important.

[203] I'm glad that you went to a therapist.

[204] Like some people, I've talked to some people, they're like, oh, I don't go to therapists.

[205] And they're like, they think it's something wrong, that they have to keep it in the family, keep it quiet, and they don't want to reach out.

[206] But in today's society, it is so common to reach out and go to a therapist.

[207] It is so common to have support groups.

[208] There are support groups everywhere.

[209] There are support groups in your towns.

[210] There are support groups in your counties.

[211] There are support groups.

[212] online, you know, you know, I, I really encourage people who are being abused, you know, mentally or physically to reach out and get help.

[213] Don't stay in a relationship if you're being abused because it will only hurt you and destroy you mentally.

[214] And, you know, hopefully not, but in a lot of cases, people are, you know, consistently abused physically by these types of people.

[215] Yeah.

[216] And sadly, that's what his wife was saying.

[217] She was like, I'm all alone.

[218] He's taken all of my friends from me and my family from me. And that's what they do is they isolate you.

[219] And like you said, Stacey, people can even just go online.

[220] There are so many Facebook groups, even online that are supportive for other women to protect themselves and have a listening ear.

[221] There's so many online counselors now that we didn't have available 10 years ago.

[222] There is, you know, wait, there's a domestic hotline.

[223] I don't have it in front of you, but I know it's available for women to pick up the phone and call because it's, while the police can show up, they can't always do what really needs to be done.

[224] And it's up to the women too.

[225] And it's hard when you're put in that state of fear that's paralyzing, because like I said, they really just want you to live in fear to really understand.

[226] Number one, fear is a liar.

[227] It will not.

[228] ever help you.

[229] It will always hurt you.

[230] And that's how you know that you need to do the opposite of what your fear is.

[231] Yes.

[232] A hundred percent.

[233] A hundred percent.

[234] You know, I, you know, fears are our worst enemy.

[235] You know, so many people are, they stay in relationships and they, they, they don't move forward in life because of fear.

[236] They're afraid to face the problem.

[237] They're afraid to, you know, they don't know what the outcome is going to be.

[238] And they're, they're afraid of what that person might do to them.

[239] You know, so they, they stay in these relationships and they, they're fear -based and that's what they, that's what a narcissist wants to do.

[240] He wants to, he wants to put fear into you.

[241] You know, they try to break you down.

[242] They try to make you feel like you're worthless and that you need them.

[243] And that's the main thing is that they want you to feel like you need them.

[244] You have to have them in the relationships and they thrive when life is not going good for you and you're complaining about this or that, and this is not going well.

[245] They, they.

[246] thrive off of this because then they play the empathy person.

[247] Oh, that's so terrible.

[248] But in the meantime, mentally, they're thriving off of it.

[249] Their endorphins are just like going through the roof because they like when the people around them are not doing well because they have low self -esteem.

[250] They don't feel good about themselves.

[251] They want you to be on their level.

[252] They want you to feel the way they do because these narcissists don't really feel good deep down inside.

[253] They're not going to omit to it.

[254] They have that fake materialistic, you know, lifestyle that they created that's very fake.

[255] And they don't want you to know how they feel inside.

[256] But inside, they don't like themselves.

[257] They don't feel good about themselves.

[258] And they want you to feel the pain that they're feeling.

[259] Yes.

[260] If you're already at a point where you have a high level of confidence.

[261] that it's almost like you're prey to them because they're like oh somebody I can destroy yeah they'll build you up even more to tear you down more and he knew I was a domestic violence survivor he knew I had been on your podcast speaking about it and I and here's the red flag he kept going I hope you don't talk about me on there I and I have my own as you mentioned you know I hope you don't ever want me on your podcast.

[262] And I thought, well, that's a really weird thing to say.

[263] Yeah.

[264] So concerned about that.

[265] And now it all makes sense.

[266] Right.

[267] You know, because you would think like, hey, you know what?

[268] Why would I put you on my show?

[269] You know, you're a good guy.

[270] Yeah.

[271] My audience is women.

[272] And then he attacked the fact that my audience was women.

[273] He said, why would you do a podcast of only women?

[274] And I was like, why wouldn't I?

[275] I don't understand why you find that an issue.

[276] There's plenty of podcasts out there that have every gender on.

[277] I choose to be, you know, I want to help other women in so many ways, whether professionally or personally.

[278] Yeah.

[279] And that's why I choose to do this.

[280] But it was even as simple as me saying a comment like, I'm so dry.

[281] My skin's like a lizard.

[282] And he goes, don't say that.

[283] Lizards are ugly.

[284] And I countered it with a funny gif of a cute lizard, like, you know, sticking.

[285] That's important that you just stay true to yourself.

[286] Stay true to your beliefs.

[287] Don't let them, because that's what they're going to do.

[288] They're going to try so hard for you to think their way, on their level, any way that they possibly can.

[289] And you have to be very strong because the strongest of people have been taken advantage of.

[290] I've been taken advantage of.

[291] You have.

[292] It's so easy to fall for it.

[293] So again, that's self -awareness, man. You have to have it.

[294] Yes.

[295] And, you know, there are so many great articles, so many great videos.

[296] There are so many great podcasts.

[297] There are so many, so many great articles written by professionals that have studied narcissists and studied toxic relationships.

[298] And they give such great advice.

[299] And I just tell people, you know, do the diligence, do the research, you know, as soon as you see those red flags.

[300] Now, if you had to state some of the real strong red flags that you've seen in your past relationships and your.

[301] past experiences and toxic relationships.

[302] What are some of the things that you would say, watch out for that really strike you as common in some of these relationships?

[303] I found that when they are joking around, like they'll make joking comments.

[304] Like mine would say, if you cheat on me, I'll kill you.

[305] You know, those joking comments, there's truth underneath of them.

[306] Even if they're like, oh, you look fat.

[307] Oh no, I'm just joking.

[308] So be very careful of that.

[309] They do get very controlling again with whatever it is that you're doing, where you're going and who you're talking to.

[310] And it normally is shown very quickly.

[311] Again, it can seem as though they're joking, but that controlling behavior, it's just the beginning.

[312] I think also when they're showing signs of being all about themselves.

[313] And like, I found it very odd that it's five degrees outside and he shows up in a tank top to meet my children to show off his muscles.

[314] Yeah.

[315] Your average person would have been in a sweater.

[316] So I thought, yeah, kind of odd.

[317] And he would talk about that.

[318] So when they talk about themselves or very conceited, their friend group.

[319] Be aware of their relationships with friends and family.

[320] That's always a very telling sign.

[321] He told me he was arguing with his mom.

[322] It wasn't his mom, unfortunately.

[323] And, you know, I want to add, because I don't think I said this at the beginning, is you can research court records.

[324] I did that.

[325] I researched social media.

[326] I researched different Facebook groups I'm a member of.

[327] And I could not find anything on this man. That's a huge red flag.

[328] That is such a huge red flag.

[329] When I have come across people and I have, you know, they're making themselves sound so wonderful and they're doing this and they're doing that.

[330] And I know this and I know this person and, you know, and I have this job and dah, dah, dah.

[331] And then all of a sudden you start to research them.

[332] I couldn't find certain people anywhere.

[333] They were just like nowhere to be found.

[334] And if you're so popular, if you're so great and you're doing this and you're doing that and you're, you're.

[335] You're such an amazing individual.

[336] Why don't you have a Facebook page?

[337] Where are your friends?

[338] Where are your family?

[339] Where's your work page?

[340] Where's your LinkedIn page?

[341] There's nothing on you.

[342] And that is a huge red flag.

[343] And in today's society where a lot of people do online dating, I think it's so important that people do the research like you just did.

[344] They should do that every time they go out with somebody before they go out with somebody because there are so many fake accounts out there.

[345] You don't know what's real and what's not real.

[346] And why get caught up into something and then it's too late?

[347] You should always do your research before you meet the person.

[348] Yes.

[349] And, you know, one thing I failed at that I normally do is when I can't find them, I'll do a reverse image search and there's a couple of apps available to do that.

[350] That's a good idea.

[351] For some reason this time it slipped my mind and I'll tell you what, I'll never, I'll never slip my mind on that again, but you know, they also like to hide their identity.

[352] So when you can't find them under their normal name, they come up with any other name they can to hide themselves.

[353] Yeah.

[354] that's also really difficult um again facebook groups there's facebook groups where you can put a picture of somebody in there and say does anybody know this person locally or whatever and get some feedback do that if you can um if you have any cop friends that you can get enough information and have them do a background yeah you know and that's the thing i have a lot of friends that are police officers that now i'm like man i should have said and i had made a comment to him the other day i said you know i have police officer friends that can do background checks and he got really defensive about it and he was like oh a few years ago i was taking a court over this car issue and it was just different things and now i go oh what else is hiding yeah you know so yeah if you can be be a detective i mean i think us women are really good at being private investigators get some friends on board make some fun out of it yeah research that you can but even then stacy people are so good at hiding narcissists are so good at hiding themselves yes but literally do everything in your power and still find yourself prey to them A hundred percent.

[355] Now, if you had to take today's conversation, you really wanted to really emphasize on some important factors.

[356] What are some of the things you really like to emphasize today?

[357] Don't let your self -worth be defined by a narcissistic person.

[358] You are very smart and you're beautiful and you're capable and don't let them make you feel any less than.

[359] Yes.

[360] 100%.

[361] And people are worth more, you know, a lot of times if people are in relationships and they don't, they have self -doubt or they have low self -esteem, you know.

[362] Start thinking about all the great things about yourself.

[363] And then, you know, sometimes people say, well, I don't have any great things about myself.

[364] Well, you do, you know, like look at the little qualities about yourself, you know, start small and work your way up big on list.

[365] But you know what?

[366] Nobody, no human being deserves to be abused by a narcissist or deserves to be in a toxic relationship.

[367] Nobody, nobody.

[368] And I think that's what people have to remember, that we all have self -worth and we all deserve to be happy and we all deserve.

[369] to have joy in our life and you're not going to have joy if you're in a relationship with a narcissist.

[370] or you're in a toxic relationship, you're going to be abused mentally or physically or both.

[371] And is that the way you want to live the rest of your life?

[372] And you have to really take that seriously.

[373] And if you start seeing red flags or they start doing things that are a little bit abusive or a little bit, you know, they start playing with your mind, you start seeing those red flags, go get help, go start asking questions, start talking to other women.

[374] You know, there's so many people out there that could hook you up.

[375] and really help you, you know, and that's so important, I think, too.

[376] I completely agree.

[377] Now, if you had to tell everybody about your services, tell everybody about what you do and how you help people.

[378] I'm sorry.

[379] Tell us about the services that you provide.

[380] For Media Rebel Unplugged on our podcast.

[381] Yes, we talk to women all the time.

[382] They're in the professional sphere.

[383] So either they're an entrepreneur or business owner and male -generated industries that are out there just thriving, surviving every day and just sharing the stories of how they're overcoming.

[384] And then I'm really happy to be a part of this series where hopefully I can continue to share my story.

[385] Hopefully I don't have anything recent like this occur again.

[386] Yeah.

[387] But to help other women as well with.

[388] with everything that I have overcome and continue to overcome just so that, you know, you're not alone and that you do have a support system that's closer to you than you feel like.

[389] And, and, you know, where can people get contact with you if they, if they want to contact you, you know, and, and maybe, you know, get some help or ask some questions, you know, where can they find you?

[390] So our website is media -rebel .net, but you can also find me on LinkedIn at Janice M. becker i added the m in there for marie because there's a lot of janice becker so make sure you find mine you'll see that it has the podcast uh launched there so you know you have the right person all right that's awesome you know Thank you so much for coming on the show today.

[391] And, you know, after this happened to you this morning, you know, I just give you kudos for being able to be so strong and resilient to actually come on the show because I know that this was just a blow to you and this was so upsetting to you.

[392] And even after all this stuff happened and even after you realize all the red flags and you realize how, you know, how he actually, you know, hurt this woman and how you could have been the next victim, you know, just thank God.

[393] that you were blessed to be able to realize that, you know what, I found out in time, you know, and I could protect myself now.

[394] You know, even women that, you know, if they feel fearful.

[395] Get a restraining order, you know, do something to protect yourself, you know, make sure that you do whatever you can.

[396] So these type of people cannot hurt you in any way.

[397] You know, it's so important that people, you know, do whatever they can to protect themselves when they're in toxic relationships.

[398] They have, you know, you come first and, you know, you have to protect yourself.

[399] And that's so important.

[400] But I just want to thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing your story and being so courageous and the willingness to.

[401] want to help others because your story is going to help so many people because there are so many people out there that can relate in some way or another and are in relationships that are toxic and they're in relationships with narcissistic people and they just don't know what to do and they just don't know what the next step is.

[402] And I thank you so much for coming on the show today and sharing.

[403] Thank you, Stacey.

[404] I really appreciate it.

[405] I do hope that it helps because it's definitely not an easy road.

[406] And like I said, it can feel very lonely, but you are not alone.

[407] And I'm here to share that with you.

[408] Thank you so much.

[409] I really appreciate you.

[410] Well, you have a great day.

[411] Try to, you know, get through this and, you know, do whatever you can to help you and to help your family.

[412] And just focus on the present, you know, do what you have to do to help yourself and then, you know, work towards moving on.

[413] This is a lesson to be learned and we use it as experience.

[414] And then we do our best to move forward.

[415] And as time goes on, we strengthen ourselves and we learn.

[416] And we just, we, we move forward and everything happens for a reason.

[417] We may not understand why at the moment, but everything happens for a reason.

[418] I'm a firm believer of that.

[419] And maybe it was just so I could share this today on your podcast to help another woman out there.

[420] So I hope that I achieved that.

[421] You definitely did.

[422] You definitely did.

[423] Well, you have a great day.

[424] Thank you too.