92 - The Halloween Special

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVeyne, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Hi.

[17] Oh, hi, Georgia.

[18] Hi.

[19] So nice to see you.

[20] Nice to see you, Karen.

[21] Love your green top.

[22] Thank you.

[23] This is my one of two blouses.

[24] There's color.

[25] I like the color.

[26] I just decided to go with some color.

[27] It's bright.

[28] It shocks people.

[29] It brings things out of you.

[30] It brings.

[31] For about four minutes ago, I had fake eyelashes on.

[32] Oh, my God.

[33] But, and yet, then the rest of me is dressed like I've been in bed for four days.

[34] It's a great combination.

[35] Well, I have something to tell you.

[36] Okay.

[37] I mean, it's not a big deal.

[38] But as of today, Mimi is on Prozac.

[39] What?

[40] My cat.

[41] Am I the most Los Angeles person you've ever met in your fucking life?

[42] My cat and I are on pharmaceutical for depression and anxiety.

[43] Wait, why is Mimi on Prozac?

[44] She's so chill.

[45] She's a grumpy bitch and she's unhappy.

[46] Where did you get the Prozac?

[47] My therapist.

[48] You're not good.

[49] No, we took her to the vet and I was like, look, she's just hiding in a box of my favorite murder merch all day.

[50] Oh, people love that.

[51] We should make them pay extra for that.

[52] Right, for Mimi, for, yeah.

[53] I'd be so pissed if I ordered a new shirt and it would be like, I have all my own animal hair.

[54] I don't need this.

[55] So as you can tell, this is the spooky episode of my favorite murder.

[56] We start out with the creepiest thing of all, a cat on Prozac.

[57] Everyone who's not from Los Angeles, she's like, what the fuck is wrong with these people?

[58] That's hilarious.

[59] Oh, yeah, so this is our special Halloween episode.

[60] where because our normal show is not scary at all or creepy or a huge bummer so we figured we'd go a little ghosty for you on this one and we asked you guys to write us your personal real we begged you to make them true yeah and we we read for truth authenticity is that what it's we read for authenticity to make sure you guys weren't lying liars who lied that's right and stephen stephen a lot of people don't know this but in his mustache.

[61] There is a lie detector.

[62] So he will sniff that shit out.

[63] The second he clicks that email open, he'll be like, uh -uh, uh -uh, uh -uh.

[64] No way.

[65] Steven's mustache, keeping you honest.

[66] My mustache is tingling.

[67] There's lies in this email.

[68] Since 1985.

[69] I don't know when he was born.

[70] I'm guessing it's 1985.

[71] I bet it was in the late 80s.

[72] 87.

[73] Yeah.

[74] I wasn't specific.

[75] I can't.

[76] I'm pretending to be that I won that somehow and I didn't.

[77] You did.

[78] I'm like, I just trying.

[79] I'm too hard sometimes.

[80] By guessing a year.

[81] I'm going to go.

[82] Hey, take a Prozac real quick.

[83] Take one of Mimi's Prozac.

[84] We're fine.

[85] But I'm going to say, I'm going to give a quick reminder.

[86] We have European tour dates that will be available this Friday.

[87] So if you live in any of these foreign cities, they won't be foreign to you.

[88] Dublin, Ireland, Oslo, Norway, Stockholm, Sweden, in London, England, Manchester, England, I believe is how they pronounce it, or Amsterdam, the Netherlands.

[89] You guys, in those cities, your tickets go on sale this Friday, October 27th, which is tomorrow.

[90] So if you want to come and see us, all weirded out in a foreign country and talking about our passports and stuff, please buy your tickets on Friday.

[91] We'd love to see you.

[92] It's the only way you're going to hear us talk about our passports.

[93] Yeah.

[94] That's not true.

[95] We're very secretive about our passports normally because they're government documents.

[96] Yeah.

[97] We don't fuck around with government documents.

[98] No way.

[99] We're very serious when we go through customs.

[100] Yeah.

[101] We're respectful.

[102] I take my glasses off.

[103] I get nervous and my upper lip sweats.

[104] And then they're like, we know you have drugs on you.

[105] You take off your fake mustache.

[106] That's right.

[107] And then you peel off your Mission Impossible mask.

[108] Right.

[109] We're like, it's me. It's me. Hey.

[110] Hey, it's me, Karen.

[111] Let me into your country, G .D. she did it sorry I'm a little wippy came from work I'm in the final stages of coming from work on this podcast last night George and I had dinner Stephen this you'll think this is funny and one of the people at dinner was like how long have you been doing this podcast I was like almost a year George is like almost two years I was like what that blew my mind I know mine too I think I asked you as a question I wasn't like, two years, Karen.

[112] No, it was like, almost two years.

[113] Wait, it must be two years.

[114] That can't be right.

[115] Yeah.

[116] Crazy.

[117] It's gone so fast.

[118] It's been so fun.

[119] That's a million years in podcast years, I think.

[120] Yeah, two years?

[121] Mm -hmm.

[122] For real.

[123] You know what I mean?

[124] Like, this is the, like, an infancy of podcasting.

[125] And so that means two years is a long time.

[126] So this is a dog year situation?

[127] Is that what you're saying?

[128] Got it.

[129] So this is like our 17th year coming up on.

[130] Yes.

[131] Do you know what we need to?

[132] talk about what the thing that i and everyone wants to talk about this mine cunter that did i say it right yeah that's how you pronounce it's how you pronounce it yeah great so let's talk about it so you're a no i'm not an i am on like episode five and i'm a i'm a i'm a sometimes okay i i don't i don't i don't i'm a sometimes i don't want to talk shit on it because i fucking like it it's really cool and exciting um but the and i but it's but i'm a sometimes well there's so much build up and i'm sure i had a lot to do with that because there's no way i wasn't going to love this series i just i i i permanently loved it before i ever laid my eyes on it um and there were it did of course because all pilots start slow and are difficult um but i this i loved it and I like, I love his directing and I love whoever art directs for David Fincher.

[133] There's like things like that I love.

[134] It's just like scene by scene that it's the interpersonal relationships of certain characters that I don't give a shit about.

[135] Like I love when they're actually interviewing the criminals.

[136] Yeah.

[137] Then there's other, like, the guy who played Ed Kemper needs all the awards.

[138] I, in my mind, I start going like, how did you cast this role?

[139] Dude.

[140] Because you have to get a guy that's like, we need people that have to be over six, six.

[141] They have to be really giant, but they also then have to be great actors.

[142] How many, it's not like, you know, L .A. is full of those people.

[143] So I'm like, this guy, I bet you they found this guy in like the Canadian outback.

[144] He's probably really a serial killer.

[145] He's out.

[146] That's his jail.

[147] He's actually in.

[148] Yeah, they were like, he's just good.

[149] We have to hire him.

[150] Listen, I know it's weird.

[151] But worse things happen in Hollywood.

[152] Wait, like what?

[153] Every day.

[154] Oh, you've read the articles.

[155] But I, yes, Ed Kemper.

[156] are like, for me, I was like, I'm in whatever is happening here and whatever they're trying to develop.

[157] Because I could feel that thing of there, it was, it's, you know, a period piece, basically.

[158] It's like starts in the late 70s, all that, those old cars, man. I was thinking of the same thing.

[159] When they would kind of come around a corner and there would just be streets lined with old cars and all different, you know, they looked so real.

[160] I just, I don't know, I go way into the detail.

[161] But then I also love that actor.

[162] So the lead actor, I love, he's like a, I, I, I mean, he's from a million things, but he's also like a Broadway star.

[163] He's a little sweet baby angel.

[164] And beautiful and, yeah, and kind of had the perfect, like, that's not how you picture an FBI, like some hard -nosed cigarette smoking.

[165] But he also reminds me of Dennis from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia so much that I keep thinking it's a joke.

[166] That it's going to be like a sketch.

[167] Yeah, but like he actually is a horrible person.

[168] Yeah.

[169] I don't know.

[170] Yes.

[171] It's very, it's jarring to me. I mean, I'm going to keep watching, of course.

[172] Keep watching.

[173] I binged it when, I think it was when we were going, we were leaving for the Anaheim leg of the tour.

[174] I like to call our weekends legs of tours, because that's how, you know, rock stars talk about it.

[175] But I bit, my friend Molly was like, oh, it's on right now because they put it up at midnight on Netflix.

[176] And I was like, what?

[177] So I started watching it at 1 a .m. the night before we left for that weekend.

[178] Because I was like, and I got, I think I got through the first five and then, you know, we had to leave.

[179] And then I came back at the end, which was so satisfying.

[180] Well, I, speaking of legs of tours, we're going to Tampa next weekend.

[181] Where there's an active fucking serial killer.

[182] I know.

[183] Shooting people.

[184] You sent me that, or Vince sent me that article.

[185] Yeah.

[186] It's intense.

[187] What do we do?

[188] And we're going to solve it.

[189] We just have to.

[190] It's our job now.

[191] I'm scared.

[192] This is how we.

[193] We develop this podcast into the next level.

[194] Some people are like, will you do a talk show?

[195] Would you do a full feature -length film?

[196] Yes.

[197] No, you know what we're going to do?

[198] We'll do those.

[199] We're going to join the Tampa PD.

[200] It's going to take about six months.

[201] Miami Day, here we fucking come.

[202] Get ready.

[203] We want one of those pontoon boats.

[204] We want to get out on a boat and we want to solve swamp crime.

[205] Yeah, swamp crimes.

[206] Yes.

[207] And like cargo shorts.

[208] And we eat fried alligator.

[209] and nothing else.

[210] By the way, Madison, Wisconsin, thank you for your fucking fried cheese curds.

[211] And Minneapolis was no slouch on the dairy products either.

[212] We were, the funniest thing is, so I had to go back to, we're taping the next round of the talk show, the game show right now.

[213] And the week before, I was like, I'm going to start eating clean, lose that, like, water or salt weight that I've been accumulating over the past year.

[214] Like, it's my job.

[215] And so I was like, I'm just going to turn it around, blah, blah.

[216] Well, then we travel to, to Minneapolis and Madison, Wisconsin, where it was as if my only option was to eat fried cheese everywhere I went.

[217] Well, it was.

[218] And we had so much fun because we would just go to a place and then be like, well, I guess we have to get the pretzel.

[219] Yeah.

[220] Then we have to try the fried cheese.

[221] We have to try it.

[222] It's the local thing.

[223] But then we also need wings because we need something familiar.

[224] We need protein.

[225] Oh, no. that one night we were um we went to dinner with micha hilarious comedian michel balloon and our sister joanna and um we had so many dishes on the table yeah it was hilarious and nachos nachos oh uh chili cheese fries yes oh god i mean it was disgusting it was almost like we were being sarcastic about with bad eating uh but anyway thank you guys so much in both minneapolis and Madison.

[226] It was the best.

[227] We had so much fun.

[228] We had a great time.

[229] And I'm, I, uh, cheese is a drug.

[230] I said it at the live show.

[231] And I was high on cheese all weekend long.

[232] Beautiful thing.

[233] It was so fun.

[234] All right.

[235] So then we just go to sleep.

[236] Right now?

[237] Yeah.

[238] Hey, good night.

[239] Good night.

[240] It's a drug.

[241] Remember cheese.

[242] Good night.

[243] I love it.

[244] That's like, as if we couldn't eat it here.

[245] I know.

[246] That's what I always do with when I go to a restaurant.

[247] There's a mac and cheese on the menu.

[248] And I was like, oh mac and cheese i better try it to order it yeah you absolutely don't have to but what if there's lobster in it oh you don't like lobster then i would throw the dish on the ground but what if there's but what if they made it with truffle oil let's say there's truffle oil in it let's say there's a breadcrumb toasted on top absolutely or the magic um ingredient when we were in i think Minneapolis remember the what or was it madison backstage there was the mac and cheese it was just a chunk of a hunk of like like a square of cheese in the middle on top just to be like cheese and cheese it's cheese flavored mac and cheese it's top with cheese thank you it looked like someone cut a triangle off a block yeah yeah and then just stuck in the middle of the mac and cheese just in case your girls need some more cheese yeah and we do um speaking of cheese speaking of cheese it's Halloween everybody how does you know I was going to do that I know your transitions It's been almost two years Shockingly Now you know Now you remember our anniversary I'm like At the table it's just like I think it's been eight months You need to check your calendar I think so too I think we should go with that It's more fun I mean Two years Jesus what are we doing with our lives Okay We're having a real good time Well Halloween is when we started hanging out Two years ago That's fucking right.

[249] Nice one.

[250] Halloween, two years ago, is when the podcast was born.

[251] It was in utero.

[252] That's right.

[253] That's when we planted the seed.

[254] That's when we did it with our personalities.

[255] Yeah.

[256] That's when we actually boned.

[257] And then, you know, you don't get pregnant for like two or three days, right?

[258] That's right.

[259] So it could take a while.

[260] Yeah.

[261] And that's when you were like, the inception moment was Georgia texting.

[262] I can't remember or calling me. And then being like, let's just do it.

[263] Let's just do it.

[264] I was like, okay, if you make it really easy for me, then I will.

[265] And you're like, I will.

[266] Let's have a baby together.

[267] We'll name a podcast.

[268] We'll love her and caretake her.

[269] Sometimes we'll shit all over her.

[270] That's right, which is just a human thing.

[271] That's parenting.

[272] Shitting on your baby?

[273] Well, shit about the baby.

[274] What are you going to be for Halloween this year?

[275] Oh, me?

[276] Yeah.

[277] I'm going to be on my couch.

[278] What I am every year.

[279] on my couch.

[280] No, actually, our friend has a party that everybody goes to.

[281] That's a ridiculous, humongous, our friend Scotty.

[282] And he said, I promised him that if we were in town on the day he has it, that I will go.

[283] Because I always say I will.

[284] Remember the year that I was supposed to go?

[285] I dropped my phone in the pool.

[286] And then I couldn't tell you that I wasn't going.

[287] But it was so boozy.

[288] I think you would have lost your mind anyways.

[289] Yeah.

[290] It's just like grown up alcohol, like grown up drunk.

[291] party.

[292] Yeah.

[293] But fun.

[294] So, I mean, just kind of legendary, but also, I think I should do the thing of the old people going early.

[295] Who cares about this topic, for real?

[296] But I also...

[297] Let's go early.

[298] I'll go early with you, because I don't want to go early.

[299] And then also because the parking is so crazy in that neighborhood.

[300] Look how old we are.

[301] I mean.

[302] And these kids are so loud and they take marijuana.

[303] Oh, they're so loud and they take marijuana.

[304] They will take marijuana right next to you.

[305] And then how could you even see what anyone's dressed as?

[306] It's too dark.

[307] And your vision's gone?

[308] because you're high in a marijuana.

[309] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[310] Absolutely.

[311] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash?

[312] Exactly.

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[325] important note that promo code is all lowercase go to shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today that's shopify .com slash murder goodbye hey this is exciting an all new season of only murders in the building is coming to hulu on august 27th steve martin martin short and selina gomez are back as your favorite podcaster detectives but there's a mystery hanging over everyone who killed saz and were they really after charles why would someone want to kill charles this season murder close to home.

[326] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[327] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[328] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[329] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[330] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[331] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[332] Goodbye.

[333] okay let's tell some spooky story okay let's cut all of that out let's get the past 20 minutes out stephen and let's tell each other we asked you guys to send us in scary stories and you guys interpreted that how you will stephen's must lying mustache of justice yeah sorted those out and here they are yes go karen okay i'm gonna read this one first um the subject line is i'm glad she didn't look us in the eye hi hey all sociopath?

[334] My story is from a couple years ago.

[335] My niece, two years old at the time, was standing on top of my desk pulling books out from the attached bookshelf one by one.

[336] I stood behind her ensuring she didn't fall to her death should she trip on a Nancy Drew and stumble.

[337] I spent so much of my life standing behind Nora, letting her do what she wanted and just being there.

[338] And then it's such a weird feeling of like, oh, I wonder how many people did this for me when I thought I was out by myself, like, doing stuff.

[339] And there was just a nice, adult there waiting to catch you.

[340] Or not.

[341] Or that should have been there.

[342] It wasn't.

[343] Yeah.

[344] There's so many options.

[345] Everything.

[346] Okay.

[347] So I stood behind her, said that to our left is a bedroom door, which goes into a hallway that leads to the kitchen to the right and the garage to the left, kind of like a three -way intersection.

[348] We were in there for a little while, her pulling books, me estimating how long it would tape to clean up when it happened.

[349] From my peripheral vision, I saw my great aunt slowly start to pass by the doorframe.

[350] I could see the red robe she wore all the time, her short, curly, dark hair, and her ever -present bright red Taylor Swift lipstick.

[351] Oh, my God.

[352] My great aunt died four years before that day.

[353] When she vanished from the doorframe, I scooped up my niece, who had stared unblinkingly at her the whole time.

[354] So the baby saw it too.

[355] oh my god and followed but when i turned into the hallway nothing was there she was 100 % real we both saw her what the fuck but no matter how many times i've told the story absolutely no one believes me i'm into weird stuff i believe the lock miss monster is real me too girl no yes yes how because because first of all okay don't make me get mad at you georgia well i think aliens are real let's go ready go no i don't like this um I think the lock, Stephen, are you with me on this?

[356] Oh, I'm totally.

[357] You guys.

[358] Because listen, and this might be your theory too.

[359] We don't know what's in the ocean at all.

[360] It's not the ocean, it's a lake.

[361] But lakes are connected to the ocean in subterranean underground tunnels.

[362] And they could be living down in caves and places that we have, we don't know we're down there because no one's ever fucking explored 99 % of the ocean.

[363] I agree with all of the, all of the.

[364] that the ocean is fucking amazing and monsters are among them the Loch Ness monster specifically was made up by a dude and staged.

[365] But that's a cynical punk rock thing.

[366] That's not true.

[367] It's not punk rock.

[368] It was nothing to do with the dead Kennedys right now.

[369] You're trying to be punk rock about the lockness monster and I resent it.

[370] Why is my musical taste being brought into this argument?

[371] Because you're just you have to believe you have to it is the best idea that's that something that's a holdover from 50 million years ago is like oh but I was hiding around the corner nobody killed me off that when that meteor hit I was just chilling and I saved all this algae I don't know I just want to believe in it really bad same well they they found a supposedly extinct celacanth fish like that had been dead for millions of years and they found it like 20 years ago and it's just been hiding out of under Madagascar for millions of years.

[372] I believe in cedar car fish or whatever.

[373] But the Loch Ness monster specifically I believe in dinosaurs.

[374] Listen, I don't think he wears that little Tamashanter.

[375] Okay, so that I agree with you is ridiculous.

[376] No, he doesn't have it.

[377] He doesn't wear a kilt and...

[378] No, that would be crazy.

[379] He's a fish.

[380] He can't wear a skirt.

[381] Okay, let's put a pin in this.

[382] I have a...

[383] And say you're wrong and come back to it.

[384] When?

[385] that lockness monster corpse washes up finally i will 100 % i'll go on record right now i'll tell you you're wrong no i will not admit that i ever said any of this 100 % Karen we have the recording no never that never how do you believe the recording that's a double recorded this fucking aliens i'm taking a picture of this recording okay we've totally lost our place they saw the aunt oh my god that's right i was scared i was scared i forgot guys we're super scared remember the old lady with a lipstick that passed by we believe her a baby saw it baby a baby watching a ghost is the scare is that you're seeing too that's your proof is down and done because like humans have all these things that are like getting the way of them able to see the spiritual things and baby's just like what a ghost okay whatever why would that baby look away from the greatest game in the world pull books off a shelf it wouldn't you still play that game I love it I love it we're gonna get through one story I know I love these ones it's all digressions okay she says it was the most surreal thing that has ever happened to me and I remember the moment clearer than anything else I've ever experienced looking back on it though I remember she walked with her head down staring at the floor ahead of her and never turned to make eye contact with either of us almost like she didn't see us at the time this confused me but now that I've had time to think about it she looked miserable and I'm really grateful she didn't make eye contact with me i have no reason to think this but it can't be a good omen to make eye contact with a dead person yeah that makes sense that's good logic i don't want to ever make eye contact with a dead person i'm going to say that on this podcast i know it's controversial stance yep again punk rock punk rock again well ravey kind of um it's all my bad musical taste is getting thrown you're in your big pants yeah have you ever posted that picture of you with those big pants and the choker on?

[386] Which one?

[387] It's the one that looks like it's the cameras on the ground.

[388] Like, it's almost all pants.

[389] Do you look like a pants model?

[390] You know that one?

[391] I think so.

[392] You have to post it.

[393] That you're so like 1994 in it.

[394] I know.

[395] I will.

[396] Tomorrow's supposed to say.

[397] We're still not done with this email.

[398] Go on.

[399] Pants model.

[400] Pants model.

[401] I don't know what it was or what it meant, but I hope she found peace, even if she hasn't if she hasn't already anyway that's my go story love you guys even stephen f oh even i thought they were saying it like the saying like we're even now we're even steven love you even stephen that's a given people always love stephen yeah um that was genuine and legit creepy i love the idea of like seeing of being walked by it's not like i saw this thing out of the corner of my or like i would come into the kitchen and all the drawers were open because that's the fucking scariest thing in the world right like nothing is scarier than all the whatever it's being open yes or like all the things taken out of this thing and placed on top of this thing in in those like um conjuring movies when they do that when it's like someone steps out of the kitchen when they go back all the chairs are in a pile six sense in that scene yes when the mom comes back into the kitchen and everything is just piled up yeah murder the best run yeah running goodbye you you wish you could run but you have to stay all right let's do the big hairy man you love those this is a love story not a ghost story about how I love Harry man hi Karen Georgia Steven and all our favorite furry babies I finally decided to write to you after seeing your request for scary spooky stories till this day my mother still thinks I'm crazy when I was around the age of five I had a bunk bed I'm a side sleeper and if I laid on my right side I could see my doorway.

[402] Being five, I had the worst.

[403] Being five, the worst thing in the world would be sleeping in a room with a closed door.

[404] I had to have my door open.

[405] Ditto.

[406] For about six months, often, I would wake up in the middle of the night.

[407] I'm not sure what time, but all the lights would be out and everyone would be sleeping.

[408] In my doorway, I would see a figure.

[409] It was large enough to fill the entire space.

[410] You could see the outline of what I would describe as hair and red eyes.

[411] there would be heavy rhythmic breathing.

[412] What I would sometimes wonder if was the sound of my father sleeping across the hall when I would think about this later in life.

[413] I would be terrified.

[414] I didn't want him to know I was awake so I'd pretend to be sleeping and casually roll over.

[415] Well, little me thought it was casual.

[416] I would eventually fall asleep.

[417] I would tell my mother about him and she would dismiss him as a figment of my imagination.

[418] Finally, after one night I said to myself, when he comes back, I'm going to jump off the bed, kick him between the legs, and run across the hall to my parents' room.

[419] He never came back.

[420] Years later, in grade nine, what's up, Canada?

[421] I was out of sleeper with some friends of mine.

[422] We were all telling stories when I began to talk about the big hairy man. One of the girls finished describing him.

[423] I was floored.

[424] She told me to speak to our friend Blake.

[425] I saw him in the hall at school the following Monday.

[426] All I said to him was, Big hairy man with glowing red eyes.

[427] His eyes started to tear up.

[428] How do you know that?

[429] He said.

[430] I saw him too.

[431] He proceeded to tell me the, The big hairy man would sit at the end of his bed watching him.

[432] He says they spoke, but he doesn't remember what they said.

[433] Two years later, summer school, I'm talking to this chick, he would stand at the end of her bed and watch her.

[434] About a year after that, at a party at my friend's house where I was crashing for the night, I was sharing a bed with my friend Peter.

[435] Laying in the dark, I was telling him the story.

[436] He said, if you could see me right now, I have tears in my eyes.

[437] He used to stand outside my window at night.

[438] finally about five years ago talking to a girl I worked with he would stand at the end of her bed too none of us have any childhood connections none of us went to the same elementary school and only met in high school or after none of us could find a connection now when my husband goes away for the weekend with the kids all doors are fucking closed including closets just in case after telling my mother all the sightings the woman still thinks I'm crazy stay sexy and close your bedroom door before you sleep tonight Kelly.

[439] Now, that's super creepy.

[440] Did I ever tell you my story about seeing something weird?

[441] No. When I was a kid like five years old and I was sleeping in a bunk bed at night and we had like, at the end of the bunk bed was a mirrored closet, like the moving doors kind.

[442] And I was laying there late at night.

[443] Everyone was sleeping and I saw the closet door opened on its own.

[444] Like a foot.

[445] just like pushed open on its own and I freaked the fuck out and run into my parents' room and that's it and you don't know what I swear I remember it happening like I don't think that was a figment of my imagination because it actually fucking opened yes and you were awake I was awake and it opened that's super creepy and I had to like get all of my fucking courage to run because I had to run past the closet door I mean that those moments of like when you are really young you running Kelly, right?

[446] Kelly turning over, turning your back to like basically a monster in the doorway.

[447] Like even those moments of like being brave as a little kid are so huge.

[448] Yeah, your adrenaline's just pompous.

[449] It's so, I mean that's so scary.

[450] Okay, let's see.

[451] Sorry, I fucked up these pages.

[452] Wedding dress ghost.

[453] Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, Elvis, Mimi.

[454] I grew up in an old coal house off the railroad in old Minneapolis.

[455] Perfect start.

[456] I was in a rundown area of the city.

[457] It was in a rundown area of the city as though a designer just said rust was their vision.

[458] Anyway, the house was haunted.

[459] The trouble began when my parents bought the house before I was born.

[460] My mother found a wedding dress in the attic, originally belonging to the old woman who died in the house.

[461] Apparently her husband had left her years before and she died alone.

[462] Oh no. And then I just start crying.

[463] And that's the good, that's it.

[464] And then, thanks for listening.

[465] And then, again, isn't that the scariest idea in the world?

[466] Dying alone.

[467] Happy Halloween.

[468] Um, mom liked the dress.

[469] And since she was going to get married, she decided to use this dress to save money.

[470] Lady, lady.

[471] You don't like it?

[472] The dead lady's attic dress.

[473] Well, if she didn't want someone else to use it, she should have burned it in the backyard, like a normal person.

[474] You know.

[475] You know how you do right after you get married.

[476] This dress is actually when she goes to put it on.

[477] It's just all made of moths, interconnected moths touching each other.

[478] And they go fly away the moment it's on.

[479] And then she disappears too into moths.

[480] Yes.

[481] But then they're in a moth pot up in the ceiling.

[482] And the daughter comes in, Mom, and she goes, help me. Help me. From far away in a fan.

[483] Okay.

[484] To say my parents' marriage was rough would be an understatement.

[485] It's because of the dress.

[486] They fought a lot, but the energy of the house was a darker variety.

[487] When I was young, I would hear someone calling my name.

[488] When I'd investigate, no one had called for me. I'd see slithering shadows out of the corner of my eyes.

[489] I'd get that all the time.

[490] You might be having a seizure.

[491] I have floaters.

[492] There's all kinds of real.

[493] Get your eyes checked, everybody.

[494] But when I turned to look, the shadows were gone.

[495] My mom noticed this.

[496] and she was disturbed, but my dad dismissed it as nothing, allah, the shining, which is spelled the shining.

[497] Even my dog would not go upstairs at night, cowering whenever anyone tried to bring him near the room and preferring to stay outside.

[498] That's the creepiest part to me. That's so not dogs.

[499] Fuck, no. Yeah, dogs are like, I'm good out here.

[500] Yeah, I'm going to go shiver in the yard where you should have burned that fucking wedding dress, bro.

[501] I'm going to go shiver in what should have been the wedding dress pit.

[502] Yeah, it's way safer.

[503] in the burning area.

[504] Things came to a head when I was taking a bath.

[505] No. You mean the skeleton hand that came up through the bubbles?

[506] No, no, no, wait.

[507] This is what it actually says.

[508] I was alone in the bathroom and I felt someone touched my back.

[509] No, no. I was too scared to turn around.

[510] Oh, no. And soon my mother came in and I rushed to her crying.

[511] My parents' marriage fell apart and eventually they divorced and sold the place.

[512] Since then, they've become best friends.

[513] Oh, no. no i i never felt that dark presence again and though i've waned in my belief in the supernatural i still get chills as an adult when thinking back the dress was lost in a move oh god it's in a box and someone else's fucking addict now goodwill this is part two it's the scariest goodwill in town um the dress was lost in a move but seeing so many b movies in my life i'm sure it'll come around for a sequel sooner or later i swear i didn't read that ahead um stay sexy don't get murdered gratefully and sincerely Alan oh my god that's awesome scary I mean you he had me at a wedding dress in the attic oh my god totally that's terrifying okay that this that the other this one we did okay you ready for ghost uncle gets his way uh oh all right my great uncle jack died when I was really young he was always really kind but also deeously sarcastic kind of guy.

[514] He was diagnosed with lung cancer and lived for several years with it thanks to chemo.

[515] As he grew older and weaker, my great aunt, Roxanne, had a stand -up shower installed in their bathroom, so he wouldn't have to step over the tub with the traditional bath.

[516] He hated that shower.

[517] He was in complete denial about being weak, and he thought the glass see -through door was ugly and tacky.

[518] He constantly asked her if they could go back to the traditional bath.

[519] On the day of his funeral, Roxanne was in the bathroom at the sink, taking a breather from the reception and out of the corner of her eye she saw a figure moving towards the shower just in time she turned to look at the shower and the glass door freaking exploded the glass out of nowhere shattered yes needless to say she went back to a normal tub after that that sarcastic hilarious dude got his way from beyond the grave SSDGM Patrick oh my god I love what like physical things happen yes that's yes that's amazing Patrick That reminds That just makes me think After my mom died I think I told you the story But our good friend Ellen Slater Her father was sick This was say like A couple months after my mom died And She went to She Like he had been sick for a while Or whatever She went to bed one night And she dreamed That my mom Came to her And was like You need to get your shit together You need to get ready because your dad's going to die and she woke up the next day and he had died.

[520] Oh, my, the same night?

[521] Yeah, I get, yeah.

[522] What the fuck?

[523] I totally believe in that stuff.

[524] I do too.

[525] I mean, the night my mom's dad died, so my mom, like, a couple years before I was born, his name was George, so I'm Georgia.

[526] She was in New York visiting her sister and they were all out, my family's from L .A., and out of the window, like third -story window, my mom hears her dad yell her name Janet she rushes to the window opens it up nobody's out there that night at that moment he died in bed asleep at home in LA I totally believe in those yeah those are real like she the way she tells it to me you know I 100 % believe her I love it well yeah I mean that's it was a real experience yeah and also I think like when you're on this planet you have connections with people and you're and you leave like there's whatever it is a burst event or whatever it is there's some you know electric there's like electricity in the air it's like radio waves but radio waves but ghost waves but ghost waves it's people people radio people radio plus a m um on that a m frequency coming at you ready for a Victorian ghost woman always hey there Karen Georgia Stephen and cats My mom and I moved into a new apartment that was built in the late 1800s, so it is lots of history to it.

[527] Well, after a long days of moving, my mom fell asleep on the chase.

[528] Oh, well, well.

[529] The Shays, you mean?

[530] Blue Bloods.

[531] Emails from Blue Bloods.

[532] The Shays loud.

[533] She woke up to fingernails scratching on the arm of the chair.

[534] She woke up and saw a woman in white looking at her.

[535] The woman then slowly walked down the hallway and disappeared.

[536] for as long as we lived there I felt strange about that house as if somebody was always watching the lady never bothered us or was seen again however the people who live there after us have told stories that there was a ghost that would not leave them alone I found out this story years later and that creepy feeling now makes sense thanks for the awesome podcast stay sexy don't get murdered Britney what have bomber to move into a place and just be like you can't yell at your neighbors for having fucking you know whatever TV show they're watching on too loud the Americans like can you please turn that lower please or like fucking what is it Lord of the what's the one yeah the Lord of the Rings yeah yeah turn that lower and it's like stop haunting me you can't do that I know in in all those like ghost haunting stories that I love that are on TV it's the people move into a house that they just like spent all their money right and then they're stuck in the haunt this house where crazy shit's happening but they're all like no we have to be in denial because we don't have the money to leave.

[537] Do you remember a couple years ago there was that story about a family who moved into some house.

[538] It might have been upstate New York or something.

[539] I don't fucking know the details.

[540] And they started receiving letters from someone threatening them, threatening their children by name and saying specifically things about their children and their family that they did like their routine.

[541] They knew everything about them.

[542] And they were sending them these threatening letters like move the fuck hour, I will kill you all.

[543] And they moved the fuck out.

[544] They didn't find out who it was?

[545] No. I mean, maybe they have at this point.

[546] Someone let us know.

[547] But like, oh my God.

[548] It was like, I was just like, I'd rather a ghost 100%.

[549] Yes.

[550] It was just some creepazoid who like probably grew up there or whatever.

[551] Or lived in the walls.

[552] Or just some fucking neighbor who was like, God, they listen to the American so loud.

[553] Yeah, exactly.

[554] That's that weird thing of like if some crazy person that lives near you and there's the slightest, you know, they're like, we brought you a pie.

[555] And you're like, I'm sorry, I don't eat pie.

[556] And then the letter writing campaign starts.

[557] Luckily, the murderina who lives two doors down is really fucking cool.

[558] And she has the cutest dog I've ever seen in my life.

[559] Oh, good.

[560] Thank God.

[561] Thank God.

[562] That's very lucky.

[563] Because if she had just been cool, I've been fine.

[564] But one thing, but the dog is cute.

[565] So that's cool.

[566] So what's my turn?

[567] Ready for a sappy ghost story, Karen?

[568] Yes.

[569] Because this is called, hey, y 'all, how about a sappy ghost story?

[570] I was born into a family of funeral directors who operate three funeral homes in rural Tennessee.

[571] Fuck yes.

[572] So death has always been part of my life.

[573] We had at least three Christmases and my eighth birthday party at the funeral home because they were too busy to leave.

[574] My dad and brother have talked about times they felt a spirit with them or was in the funeral home, but I never experienced it myself until 2007.

[575] In early 2007, my grandpa and my Yorkie dog passed away.

[576] That August, I moved to Knoxville for college and was having a rough time emotionally, losing my grandpa and dog, moving away, starting college, cluster fuck of emotions.

[577] My then boyfriend, let's call him Jack, lived in an off -campus apartment, and his sister lived nearby with her little dog, Peyton.

[578] One day I was napping in Jack's room while he was in the shower.

[579] I was so tired and in that half -sleep, half -awake state.

[580] I was laying on my left side with my back to the door, and I felt a little dog jump on the bed.

[581] I figured his sister had stopped by with Peyton.

[582] The dog walked around on the bed, put its paws on my right side just for a bit, then laid down at the foot of the bed.

[583] Seconds later, I felt someone sit down on the other side of the bed.

[584] figuring it was Jack out of a shower I didn't even bother opening my eyes or rolling over he patted my right shoulder twice just gave it just a slight squeeze and then the weight of him and the dog on the bed was gone a few minutes later Jack came in and woke me up I asked him why his sister had left Peyton here and he said no one had been in the apartment and the dog wasn't there I didn't believe him so I got up and went to the living room no dog and the inside deadbolt chain lock was was still locked so no one had been in the apartment walking back to the bedroom I smelled juicy fruit gum Jack didn't shoe that gum and neither did I but my grandpa had he had kept an open pack in his overall so you always smelled it when he was around after realizing this I immediately started sobbing I knew it had to have been my grandpa with my dog letting me know they were okay and I would be too thanks so much for this amazing podcast and I can't wait to see all Nashville SSDGM Megan oh my god I love we're all so fragile do you ever get when we're away in hotels and stuff and you're like falling asleep at night do you feel your dogs jump on the bed I feel my cats jump on the bed all the fucking time do you that's hilarious it's just like the phantom phantom buzz and you're like phone ring yeah I don't get that but I miss it because Frank my dog Frank the second I get home and like lay down to watch TV or like whatever he comes up and either slides all the way up and lays in front of me or goes into the bend of my legs and lays there he is like has to be directly pressed up against me baby it's the cutest and george goes into a little weird circle like far away and then goes and she's all mad she's mad that i left she's mad i came back she's just always mad at me Oh, okay.

[585] She was glad that you came.

[586] You're here.

[587] So this is from a Reddit thread.

[588] I found out about this because a Reddit thread got posted on Twitter.

[589] And so a bunch of murderingos let us know that this person was writing in and they were trying to get heard.

[590] But of course, our Gmail is chalkful and no one had read this email.

[591] So we got the heads up and we went in and found it.

[592] And actually, I began to email with this person and had a good conversation with them.

[593] And so they sent this email.

[594] And before I get started, I just want to give a trigger warning.

[595] This is a very intense letter.

[596] So people, if you're sensitive to sexual assault stories, you're not going to want to listen to this.

[597] A few months ago, a coworker turned me towards the MFM podcast because a story was told about me. Spoiler alert, I wasn't murdered.

[598] For reference, it was episode 92 in October of 2017.

[599] I actually wrote to you once before and indicated that I didn't want anything more published that I just wanted to set the record straight.

[600] But I've had a few months to sit on this and some time to bounce it off my therapist.

[601] And I've decided that I do want to tell my story.

[602] It was so crazy to hear my worst nightmare told on a podcast.

[603] It felt like a violation.

[604] So much of this has felt like something that happened to me and I want to control this.

[605] part of the narrative.

[606] I want my real story told by me with my consent.

[607] On January 8th, 2017, I was working as a medical legal death investigator and forensic autopsy tech.

[608] I was working a swing shift alone.

[609] The building we were in at the time was old and decrepit.

[610] The building was not connected to any hospital, though it did house the county morgue.

[611] The upstairs part of the building was primarily offices and the basement was the autopsy suite and body cooler.

[612] That night, the region was experiencing widespread flooding due to rain melting the snowpack.

[613] Law enforcement resources were stretched thin, and the old building was leaking and threatening to flood.

[614] The county had made press releases that county facilities would be closed the next day.

[615] In addition to scene investigations, part of my duties were to process cases for autopsy the next morning.

[616] Traditionally, I would do all of my writing and follow up from my cubicle upstairs and saved the hands -on processing until the very very very.

[617] very end of my shift.

[618] I would rather process three bodies in a row all at once versus go downstairs three times during my shift.

[619] Even after years of working with the deceased, the downstairs creeped me out.

[620] While I was upstairs writing a report, my computer keyboard malfunctioned.

[621] I spent some time fiddling with it, but ultimately decided to go downstairs to an abandoned office, turned storage room to get a replacement.

[622] Normally I wouldn't have gone downstairs for another 45 minutes or so, but I couldn't finish my report without a keyboard.

[623] I was in the office storage room with my back to the door.

[624] When I turned around, there was a man leaning on the doorframe.

[625] He was wearing a scary clown mask.

[626] He was calm and cocky, and he told me, you're early.

[627] He knew my routine.

[628] I was kind of frozen for a second.

[629] He rushed toward me, and I swung the keyboard at him like a baseball bat.

[630] To this day, I can see some of the keys flying off in slow motion.

[631] He pushed me against a bookcase hard.

[632] My vision went white.

[633] I think my bell got rung pretty good because there's a couple seconds I can't account for.

[634] He had my right hand pinned up near my head.

[635] He grabbed it my skirt and ripped it.

[636] I thought he was trying to pull off my lanyard that had a key card and physical keys to the building.

[637] I tried to hit him, but I couldn't get any leverage.

[638] He was so close to me. Nothing I did got any response until I tried to pull the mask off.

[639] That's when he pulled the knife.

[640] He rubbed the knife over my face.

[641] He cut my cheek and showed me my blood on the blade.

[642] He called me a whore.

[643] He told me to undress, and when I refused, he put the knife under my collarbone right at the subclavian artery and told me he would paint the walls red.

[644] He raped me. When I yelled and begged him to stop, he laughed and asked who was supposed to hear me scream.

[645] He stopped and told me to get on my knees.

[646] For the first time, he didn't have the knife to my chest or throat.

[647] I didn't think about it.

[648] I grabbed the knife by the blade and ran.

[649] Running up the stairs, I kept feeling something weird on the handrail.

[650] It turns out it wasn't the handrail that was weird.

[651] It was my hand.

[652] I started to run outside, but realized I didn't know where he was.

[653] Our old building was like a maze.

[654] I started to go to my desk, but stopped and hid under another investigator's desk.

[655] I couldn't find my cell phone, and I called 911 from the desk phone.

[656] It took a couple of tries, having to remember to dial 9.

[657] nine before dialing out.

[658] I vividly remember hiding under the desk, trying to whisper to the dispatcher, and watching the blood run down my fingers and pool on the ground.

[659] Our building was supposed to be secure, and the responding police officers had no way to gain entry.

[660] I had to leave the desk and walk through two doors and a hallway to let them in.

[661] The whole time I was expecting him to pop out, but he didn't.

[662] It took law enforcement a while to clear the building.

[663] They didn't have keys, were unfamiliar with the maze -like layout and had to search every body bag.

[664] The man in the clown mask wasn't found.

[665] I was released from the ER several hours later.

[666] My supervisor drove me home, but we first had to go back to the building to collect my wallet and keys.

[667] It was dreamlike.

[668] Seeing the red and blue lights illuminate the area, officers and deputies patrolling in pairs in the pouring rain reminded me of a scene from a movie.

[669] After the scene was processed, my coworkers cleaned my blood from the office, stairs, desk, doors, and wall.

[670] An email went out to the majority of the staff telling them not to report until 0 ,800 hours.

[671] When my coworkers, who are also my partners and best friends, went downstairs to prepare everything for autopsy, they found evidence that he had been waiting for me in the autopsy suite.

[672] Arranged on the back of an evidence cart next to an exam table were long strips of red duct tape.

[673] Two long pieces, two shorter pieces.

[674] The red duct tape was doggy.

[675] which is never done with evidence.

[676] As it was described to me, they were ready for someone at the floor level to be able to easily grab, ready to go.

[677] If I had been going down to process bodies in my usual routine, I would have walked backwards, pulling a gurney to that exact spot.

[678] No arrest has ever been made.

[679] The only DNA that was recovered from my clothing wound up belonging to my infant son from where I had held him before going to work.

[680] The investigation of my case was transferred from one jurisdiction to another as the attack happened in a county building.

[681] This resulted in twice as many law enforcement officers being involved in various ways.

[682] The detectives investigating my case forgot to flag it as confidential, resulting in an unknown number of deputies reading details of my case.

[683] One deputy shared details of my case on a hookup app.

[684] One high -ranking officer shared the details with their family, and that is how it came to you in the first place.

[685] That night turned my world upside down.

[686] I moved, changed cars, my kids changed schools, and I ultimately resigned.

[687] The new facility that we moved into a month later is state of the art with cameras, alarms, and ballistics glass, but I was never again comfortable being alone in the morgue at night.

[688] I will always have to live with the knowledge that someone very smart, collected, and comfortable in a morgue is still out there.

[689] We know that he had been in the building at least twice before and likely once after.

[690] I don't know what exactly he had planned, but I'm thankful for a random faulty keyboard space bar.

[691] I'm okay.

[692] It took a while of not being okay to be where I am now.

[693] I wanted to write to you because I think sometimes the person part of your stories gets overlooked.

[694] I found and reached out to the person who initially shared my story, but I think I freaked them out.

[695] Perhaps they were concerned that I was the perpetrator.

[696] Oops.

[697] If you have any questions about details or you need clarification, I'm happy to unscramble this.

[698] Thank you for your time.

[699] So we told a story that was third hand and not the person's story to tell.

[700] I don't think that the person who wrote in had malicious intent, but I think this is a very good lesson for all of us when we think about.

[701] what we're doing and how we're talking and who we're talking about.

[702] So our apologies to you, um, who had to hear her story on a podcast.

[703] That's the last thing that we want to happen.

[704] And that's, you know, that's just, that's not what we're trying to do and it's not what it's about.

[705] And we should have thought it through.

[706] And we're going to try our best, um, to keep aware of this and to keep you in mind so that we avoid mistakes like this in the future.

[707] And so George and I have decided that we're going to donate $10 ,000 to the rape abuse and incest National Network to reign.

[708] And we thank you for your understanding and for writing in and communicating with me and letting us retell your story the way you wanted it told.

[709] This is called Stabbed by a Ghost by Lacey.

[710] Whoa.

[711] Dear Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and respective pets.

[712] I'm a longtime listener, first time caller, as all of my hometown murders have been.

[713] covered by y 'all already but i saw stephen she probably lived somewhere fucked up but i saw stephen was looking for some spooky uki kooky oh honey halloween at this chigs a mom experiences for a minnesota had to throw my hat in the ring oh sweet i was taking a sip of diet coke when she spends spooky oaky kooky that almost came out my nose i saw oh but then she goes on to stay and it makes better this summer i was stabbed by a fucking ghost what i know how ridiculous that sounds, but hear me out.

[714] I worked for my family's bed and breakfast this summer.

[715] My family had been divided on whether the house is haunted or not, and until I started working there, I was firmly in the not haunted camp.

[716] I had stayed there as a guest from time to time, but I had never spent more than a few days in the house.

[717] Once I started working there, I experienced little things that I would chuck up to natural phenomena, like my bedroom door swinging open or shut all the window, blinds flying up mid -piss.

[718] That's terrifying.

[719] Can you imagine?

[720] You're just and that's and you have to finish pain.

[721] Yeah.

[722] Yeah.

[723] That's horrifying.

[724] That's a funny ghost though.

[725] Yeah.

[726] That's kind of great.

[727] Um, something something in midfiz.

[728] Okay, being a skeptic, I totally wrote all of this off until I was the only one on duty one night, which you can't write it off because then they're going to be like, oh yeah?

[729] Well, let me, let me really show you.

[730] Yeah.

[731] I was working on preparing some banana bread and a savory bread pudding for the next morning's breakfast.

[732] Okay.

[733] Yeah.

[734] I placed the bread in the oven, assembled the pudding to soak overnight and had thoroughly clean the kitchen.

[735] I went to the back laundry room to work on turning a few loads of laundry while the bread baked in the oven.

[736] About 30 minutes into baking, I went to the kitchen to check on the bread.

[737] I went to slip my hands into the oven mitt and was promptly greeted by a fucking paring knife stabbing me in between my ring finger and middle finger.

[738] I removed the knife and found the first aid kit.

[739] I went to go curse out my mother for leaving a knife in the oven mitt when my blood ran cold and I remember that I was the only one in the house.

[740] Being a skeptic I used to be, I tried to find rational explanation for why a pairing knife would be blade up inside an ovenment.

[741] And then it says, hint, there's no rational explanation.

[742] It was not a knife I had used in the breakfast prep and it was usually kept in a drawer along with the other pairing knives.

[743] I racked my brain for hours trying to wonder if I had truly put the knife in the mitt in some sort of, I'll remember why this is here later.

[744] scenario but then I finally came to the conclusion that the ghost was real and probably mad him for me for talking shit about him all summer I apologized out loud to the ghost and went to the doctor once someone else came home now I've just got a fun little scar to remind me of why ghosts are real and you shouldn't call them imaginary SOBs lots of love Lacey I mean then she said I withheld the name of the B &B because I didn't want you to say it on air but if you're curious I will write back would love to have you guys come visit It's got lots of ghosts and antique furniture.

[745] Oh, wow.

[746] We're there.

[747] That's everything I need.

[748] Yeah, because I was thinking, I was thinking, oh, well, if you keep, obviously, if you keep your oven mitt in the same drawer as those knives.

[749] Right.

[750] But, yeah, she wouldn't be scared if that were the truth.

[751] Right.

[752] She would have already checked.

[753] And also you would feel it, right?

[754] Yeah.

[755] She just used the oven mitt.

[756] They were out, it sounds like.

[757] Man, when a fucking ghost cuts you, move.

[758] Leave.

[759] It's so crazy when ghosts can move shit around Which is why I don't think it's real I mean, look Listen Do you think?

[760] Okay, go ahead What?

[761] Like I think ghosts don't haunt me Because I'm like, oh cool I'd be like, great That's funny Yeah, I don't, I wonder I wonder if it is Locational, situational Or like about the people I just don't think it's what we think it is enough that any of that would be true or matter.

[762] Yeah.

[763] Like, I just don't think it's like old, a person who's dead being like, I'm going to make this girl freak out when she's peeing, you know what I mean?

[764] I'm going to stab her in between her fingers.

[765] But then, I think that's also having been a person who has a ghost story, the frustration where you're like, well, this is the thing that happened, maybe in and of itself it isn't insane, or like you could explain it.

[766] but that's not the explanation and I'm telling you because I was there and it doesn't make you feel any better about you experiencing that thing yeah someone being like yeah well that didn't happen you know like people anytime I tell my ghost or they're like you had sleep paralysis yeah it's like no because I've had sleep paralysis and I know the difference I know what that feels like why do they need to do that well because I do that too they want to solve it yeah it's like they want other experiences I've actually had I've been like well I had an act of imagination or whatever the fuck forth.

[767] Why can't I just be like that was fun?

[768] Right.

[769] Or it's uncomfortable to leave it with anything's possible.

[770] It's weird world.

[771] Yeah.

[772] Is there a man in the crawl space or is it just a ghost?

[773] Hi, Georgia, Karen, Steven, Elvis, Mimi, Dottie, Frank and George, I will be at your Fort Lauderdale show on the 5th, November 5th.

[774] I can't wait to see you guys.

[775] So my ghost story haunting comes from my hometown of Hamilton, New Jersey.

[776] Yes, that's the same place of the Megan Conca murder.

[777] side note I hope I pronounced her last name right side note I went to the same elementary schools her a few years after this happened so San the elementary school was very big on stranger danger lessons they tore that assholes to house down and made it into a park called Megan's place so the family didn't have to keep being reminded with that house and our school used to take us there once a year to remind us of the true dangers of going with people we don't know and that's the Megan's Law murder where Megan's law came into play.

[778] Yeah.

[779] Or started.

[780] Anyways.

[781] Yeah.

[782] Anyway, I was about 10 years old when my dad finally moved us out of an apartment and into a house.

[783] The family that lived there before us was an older couple who built the house.

[784] When the wife died of old age, parentheses, might I add, she died in the house.

[785] Oh, good.

[786] He decided it was time to sell the house and go into a home.

[787] I remember the first time I walked into this house and the weird feeling I got.

[788] I chalked it up to all the old people's furniture.

[789] being in the house and the wife's sewing room being untouched since she had died her sewing room became my bedroom once we moved in no weird things started happening as soon as we moved such as things being misplaced that no one could remember moving weird noises that my dad would explain by saying the house is settling and you're just freaking yourself out the house is just screaming and you're just freaking out why don't you like screaming you're a child the house is screaming in pain it's perfectly normal and you wouldn't know we've always lived in apartments that's right you don't understand that houses have feelings like people and skin only pain but still a feeling okay so fast forward a year later my first night all alone in the house I was using the computer in my dad's room chatting with friends on aim yay when I heard footsteps walk by the doorway right under the staircase I ignored it as I thought it was the quote house settling and kept chatting away shortly after the first pair of footsteps I heard multiple pairs of steps running paired with giggling no giggling please home alone giggling being the idiot child i was i decided it was okay for me to go investigate as soon as my feet hit the floor all sounds stopped oh that's creepy i figured it was my imagination and went back upstairs to carry the on i ming my friends um once i got upstairs the footsteps and the giggling started again oh my god this time i figured it was my dad playing a prank on me since he did this often.

[790] I ran back downstairs yelling, this isn't funny.

[791] I looked out the window, and when I saw his truck wasn't there, that's when I really started to panic.

[792] Oh my God, oh my God.

[793] I grabbed the landline and ran into my bedroom and locked the door.

[794] That's when I heard heavy footsteps banging up the basement steps and the sound of someone banging on the basement door.

[795] No. My dad kept it locked since he was convinced someone was going to break in through the basement.

[796] Yeah, they are.

[797] I climbed under my bed and started calling my sisters for them to come get me, as soon as soon as there was a break in the banging, I bolted out of my house and down the street.

[798] About five minutes later, my sister's boyfriend picked me up, and he had me wait in the cars.

[799] He checked the house to make sure no one was in there.

[800] No one was.

[801] He decided to take me home with him until my dad was able to come and get me. I don't like that either.

[802] Since that day, my dad made a joke about having a man living in the crawl space in his room.

[803] Anytime anything weird happens, the man in the crawl space is at fault for it.

[804] like when my dad eats all the ice cream sandwiches and doesn't remember doing it thank you for reading my haunting slash ghost story alison oh that was that's so so scary giggling yeah nobody wants giggling you don't like you don't think about it until like being by yourself and hearing giggling did i ever tell you that time that i was by myself in my house this was before i got george so i didn't have dogs okay and i was sitting there trying to i was trying to finish some writing and so it was dead silent in the house and had been for like an hour straight and I heard directly next to my ear a zipper zipped up what?

[805] And I fucking oh no sorry I had gotten George because I grabbed her leash and was like come with me and we just walked out the door I went to the dog park and then I called my friend Rob because I was just like this is you're the only person I can tell this to you it sounds so weird but I just zipper heard something it was just it wasn't in the distance it was like someone zip their coat next to me that's so creepy and it was very clear it wasn't like oh this the yeah sounded like a zipper it was a zipper zipping like a one of the plastic zippers on a 70s ski jacket yeah like that really you know like serial killers wear yes like ed kemper oh my god you know fucking ted bunny had some sweet ass fucking 70s jacket he probably on his 70s ski jacket left the ski lift tags.

[806] That was what to do because you'd be like, yeah, I went skiing over the winter break.

[807] Yeah, I was up at Snowbird.

[808] How much money would one of those tags that says Ted Bundy's name on it go for?

[809] Oh, I would say in the $500 ,000 in this day and age, these people who love serial killers so much?

[810] These weirdos.

[811] Oh my God, these people love what kind of monsters.

[812] Okay.

[813] Let's see.

[814] Okay.

[815] Yeah, there's something about being home alone and I don't know how you do that.

[816] like I don't like having a house where there's multiple rooms like I have to turn all the lights on when I'm alone yeah but I swear it the dog saw the solve everything because I hear everything George hears everything yeah she knows she knows when people are walking up like up the street from half a block away and starts barking so that's like if any if anything it's just like a nice warning call fucking safe any zipper people come in George is going to yeah going to regulate She didn't on that one, though.

[817] She was all like, what?

[818] We're leaving?

[819] I'm supposed to be scared of this.

[820] You do this all the time.

[821] Okay.

[822] Okay.

[823] Here we go.

[824] Grandpa is haunting me and that's okay.

[825] Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, cats and dogs.

[826] I've been listening to MFF for a while now.

[827] It's brought a change to my life I could have never expected.

[828] Thanks for helping my socially awkward self, make new friends, and gain some confidence to myself.

[829] Yay, yay, girl.

[830] That's what we're talking about.

[831] Yeah, Britney.

[832] Hell yeah.

[833] Okay.

[834] All right.

[835] When I was three years old, my grandpa died.

[836] He'd been in an accident at work and lived in a vegetative state for quite some time.

[837] Oh, no. When I was born, that's where he was.

[838] Oh, God, that family.

[839] That's tough.

[840] It was an incredibly tough time for my family, but most of us made it out okay.

[841] A couple years later, I was at my grandma's house, a split level with the wreck room downstairs and the kitchen right above it.

[842] While my grandma was in the kitchen, she could hear me carrying on a conversation through the vents.

[843] Oh, I love this.

[844] I know.

[845] When I came up for a snack, she asked me what I was.

[846] doing down there talking to the man i replied my grandma asked me to describe what he looked like but may have regretted that decision as i described my deceased grandfather to a tea i of course thought nothing of it and went about my child business with your child briefcase yes i have no memory of this but i also don't have memories from before first grade fair enough a few things happened as i was growing up but nothing too notable a couple of things moved or fell but it wasn't anything I was afraid of.

[847] Fast forward to having my first live -in boyfriend.

[848] He would wake up with scratches every now and then and made me nervous.

[849] I remember my aunt having a picture of her and her prom date on her dresser, and his face was scratched out on the glass and on the picture.

[850] Whoa.

[851] It was weird.

[852] One morning, I remember waking up to just one of my hanging plants swaying, but not the other.

[853] Oh, I hate that.

[854] That's the worst.

[855] Oh, don't worry about it.

[856] That's just a wind in here.

[857] Oh, shit.

[858] It is not.

[859] There was an air circulation there as the window was closed and the heater was off, so it didn't make any sense.

[860] So I decided to try to make some contact.

[861] I grabbed a voice recorder and started asking questions.

[862] Okay, wait, here we go.

[863] Though these questions, through these questions, I learned it was my grandpa, and he didn't like my boyfriend.

[864] He was right.

[865] We aren't together anymore.

[866] And that was it.

[867] Those were the only two questions that were answered.

[868] Holy shit.

[869] I felt less scared afterwards, and I didn't have anything.

[870] thing of note, and I didn't have anything of note happen after that.

[871] I do remember the night I went into labor with my child.

[872] I felt an overwhelming sense of love and protection.

[873] I hadn't even gone into labor, but I felt like he was there and he knew.

[874] A couple of small things have happened since them, but they're not as exciting.

[875] But that's my ghost story, and I'm happy I was able to share with everyone.

[876] Thank you for all you do.

[877] And you don't have to fuck politeness if the ghost is your grandpa who really just wants love SSDGM, Brittany.

[878] Yes.

[879] I love that he, like, physically scratched up her boyfriend.

[880] Yeah.

[881] And the aunt's photo.

[882] It's almost like, um, I can't really tell you anything.

[883] I can't, if I tell you I don't like your boyfriend, you're just going to love him more because that's how it always works.

[884] But instead, I'm going to like horror movie creep you out about your boyfriend.

[885] I'm going to make the boyfriend break up with you.

[886] By scaring the ever -loving shit out of him.

[887] oh it's so good that's great okay give me a sign grandpa and just scratches up the face of it's just like crazy white eyes yeah child but if he's like I don't like your dog just scratches up your grandpa you don't get to choose my life grandpa you have all that you're so finicky okay ghost and scary human in silver lake cafe theater dear team hard kill and precious sweet kind gentle stephen oh is that why you put this is ridiculous stephen I want to first let Karen know that I am from Sacramento and I love every time she shits on Sacramento because it truly is the armpit of California and Bakersfield is the butthole.

[888] Come on, everybody.

[889] There was someone that just wrote on Twitter, they wrote something like, why won't you come to Sacramento?

[890] It's like, I have explicitly stated how I feel about Sacramento.

[891] Let's go into Orange County, despite me having fucking panic attacks there, was an act of god yeah and then and then having that amazing show oh my god the best show anaheim show was incredible oh so fun okay let's go anyhow yes so we're not going to sacramento anyways anyway we absolutely should i know we're definitely going we should play the fairgrounds that would be so cool dude like the state fair yeah or we could do a live show in the how about arden shopping center and just like clear some park cars i don't know what that is i want to the state of hair.

[892] I want to, I want to be between the pie eating contest, then my favorite murder live, and then like the pig eating content.

[893] No, I don't know.

[894] Is there a...

[895] There's definitely a pig eating contest.

[896] It's like, if you can eat a live pig, you win a ribbon.

[897] Right.

[898] Yeah.

[899] Your weight in pig.

[900] You win your weight in pig if you can eat your weight in pig.

[901] And then it's like, well, I don't really want that anymore.

[902] Oh, wait.

[903] This is my favorite thing.

[904] Georgia texted me at like four years.

[905] in the morning you up because you're texting me i woke up at four of course and i looked at my phone and you were you just texted the coffee was a mistake yes at like midnight and then i was like you know last time i told you i was up all night you were like text me i'm up yes i text you at four yeah a m i think i woke up like a half an hour later and it was so exciting because i just am it there's you're never lonelier than when you're up in the middle the night by yourself my god and it was like i had a message waiting where you're like hey you up what's going on but the pig thing what i was I said, I'm just laying here listening to The Pig People book, which everyone needs to fucking download immediately because I fall asleep to it at night, even though it's like the best book ever.

[906] What's the title?

[907] It's called No Stone Unturned.

[908] It's about necrosearch.

[909] I think I talked about it way in the beginning of the podcast, but it's Necro Search who is that really awesome organization that finds clandestine graves.

[910] There's all these different kinds of people in it who are sciencey and otherwise.

[911] And they're called the experts.

[912] And they're called the pig people because they started burying pigs to see how decomposition worked and how it made graves look and how you could see how long a body was buried based on the foliage and based on the bugs and decomposition so I listened to that to fall asleep and I'm like why isn't this working it's so crazy it's so relaxing I'm not I'm dreaming of pigs no stone on charge listen to it's best um okay go sorry no no um okay so it's sacrament I Sacramento plenty of shitty on Sacramento then anyways this is my go story the day after I graduated from college I moved from Northern California straight to Los Angeles scary enough in and of itself my boyfriend and I literally walked the graduation stage and a few hours later jumped into our U -Haul truck for the six -hour drive I love that I love it I did that it took about a couple days after I graduated and we my mom and I were like goodbye Orange County yeah forever there's nothing I love more than if something ended, you just fucking get in the car and go.

[913] There's no reason.

[914] Don't hang out and like visit and do all these things.

[915] It's just kind of like and on to the next one.

[916] Yeah.

[917] Life's short.

[918] Um, okay.

[919] I was starry -eyed as I exited on Vine Street and thought how amazing the city looked.

[920] It does from that weird little hill.

[921] I found a job quickly as a barista in a small theater cafe in hipster Silver Lake.

[922] I thought it was a very cool gig.

[923] The customers were semi -famous comedians and people I recognize on TV.

[924] I mean, there's nothing better.

[925] The cafe also hosted fun improv and comedy shows in their small black box theater.

[926] The lyric.

[927] It's the lyric.

[928] Oh, okay.

[929] I'm like hell -bent on guessing what place this is.

[930] Yes.

[931] It's the lyric.

[932] Kurt Bronnoller, our friend, used to go in there all the time.

[933] The lyric Hyperion?

[934] Yes.

[935] Yes.

[936] It's a great place.

[937] Sorry.

[938] Okay, perfect.

[939] We figured it up.

[940] The afternoons and night shows were fun and lively.

[941] However, I felt a sense of dread as all the customers and audience members left one by one and an aura of evil lurked in the cafe at night.

[942] That place is fucking absolutely haunted.

[943] Really?

[944] I know it.

[945] I've been in there.

[946] I've been in the thought in the back room.

[947] It's terrifying.

[948] So, well, she's going to, why don't even talking during this?

[949] I don't know.

[950] No, you're fine.

[951] Adding weird shit.

[952] No, you're fine.

[953] Okay, okay.

[954] Um, okay.

[955] Um, okay.

[956] Naively, I accepted to close the cafe by myself every night.

[957] Naively, it says one word for it.

[958] That meant a five -foot 90 -pound female with severe anxiety had to close the cafe at 11 .30.

[959] Oh, honey.

[960] Don't do it.

[961] I feel like, I need this job.

[962] You know, she said yes too because then she's like, I don't have to talk to anyone while I close.

[963] I'll just sweep.

[964] It'll be no big deal.

[965] Leave me alone.

[966] Well, I was responsible for cleaning and locking up the cafe and theater, which would take about 45 minutes.

[967] The cafe was extremely quiet as I mopped the floors, and suddenly, I heard a roar of happy cheers, whistles, laughter that lasted approximately three seconds coming from the audience of the theater room.

[968] What?

[969] I dropped them up and peeked into the control room upstairs to see if there was still a show going on.

[970] I looked out of the window from the booth and saw a dim red light emitting from the back from the small black box theater and a lone chair in the middle of the stage.

[971] No!

[972] I felt like a sinister being was watching up at me. Wait!

[973] No!

[974] From down on the stage and I quickly locked up without cleaning the rest of the cafe a few days later my co -worker who had the morning shift texted me and confronted me that i should put the pepper shakers away properly and that i and i shouldn't put them on the floor again oh my god then he sent me a picture of the three pepper shakers lined up neatly on the floor in the middle of the cafe that was impossible since i would never have moved those items on the floor that's just weird i thought he was pranking me one time i had to cover the same co -worker's morning shift, even though I was scheduled to close that previous night.

[975] As I was closing for the night, I made sure the salt and pepper shakers were in the same exact spot on the kitchen table.

[976] The next day, I opened the cafe at 6 a .m. And the pepper shakers removed neatly aligned on the floor again in the front of the cafe, even though I'd made sure to place them properly that I before.

[977] It freaked me out so much that I just sat on the outside patio waiting for the waiting for the morning rush customers to come in.

[978] Last and scariest event that led me to quitting the job happened when I was closing the cafe again.

[979] I had taken the trash out by using the back entrance but had not locked up the door since it was one of the last things to do when closing.

[980] I continued to clean and count the till.

[981] When I looked up and saw a skinny and tall homeless man press his face into the glass of the entrance door, His eyes were round and dark, and his squished face on the glass had this obtuse and evil smile.

[982] He then darted away.

[983] As I remembered, I didn't lock the back door.

[984] I quickly rushed to close the back gate and saw a tall, dark figure rushing towards me through the gate screen.

[985] I then slammed the door and locked it.

[986] Because of the front of the cafe had these huge glass panes as walls, I turned off all the lights in the cafe so that he could not see me and quickly hit in the corner of the store.

[987] This was already scary enough as I knew ghosts were probably haunting the theater, too.

[988] Oh, no. I called my boyfriend to come pick me up a 30 -minute drive.

[989] No. And I quit the job.

[990] Holy shit.

[991] Fuck.

[992] It's been three years since I moved and I have a better job.

[993] I now have a higher standards when finding jobs in Los Angeles.

[994] One, make sure it has a parking lot.

[995] And two, have coworkers close with you.

[996] Oh, my God.

[997] Your tiny murderer, Rino, Tracy.

[998] Oh, my.

[999] I am going into Lyric Hyperion.

[1000] and tomorrow and asking for ghost stories immediately.

[1001] Oh my god that's so scary.

[1002] It's so scary and that idea that you have to race the guy to the back door is fucked.

[1003] Remember when you were 20 and you thought you were fucking invincible and like you could close late at night alone and leave the door open and everything would be fine.

[1004] Well you're just kind of like oh this is fine.

[1005] Yeah, living my life.

[1006] Yeah.

[1007] Oh my God Tracy.

[1008] That was a really good story.

[1009] That was great.

[1010] I think maybe we should end on that one.

[1011] Yeah, Stephen, these were awesome.

[1012] Good job, Stephen.

[1013] Those were really fun.

[1014] Yeah.

[1015] They were so fun to read.

[1016] Oh, my God.

[1017] I love getting scared.

[1018] I'm scared.

[1019] We need to have like a side podcast of this.

[1020] We could just keep doing our hometowns as this for a little while.

[1021] I know.

[1022] Well, yeah.

[1023] Yes, for sure.

[1024] I love them.

[1025] Listen, here's what we're going to say.

[1026] Send in your hometowns.

[1027] Look and listen.

[1028] Send in your hometowns.

[1029] If you have spooky, scary stuff like that.

[1030] We want to hear.

[1031] It's okay.

[1032] I feel like not even just spooky scary, but like thrilling, weird shit.

[1033] Yes.

[1034] You know what I mean?

[1035] Like, racing a guy to the door is great.

[1036] That's great.

[1037] I mean.

[1038] Near misses?

[1039] Come on.

[1040] Great.

[1041] And also the thing of, like, and then after that, she knew, like, yeah, you have to, you can't just let somebody schedule you because they're cheap at the place and they only want to pay one person.

[1042] Yeah.

[1043] Like, no, dude, it's two people or, like, I can't close at night.

[1044] The salt and pepper shaker thing is the scariest thing to me. That's nuts.

[1045] Because, like, if he hadn't sent anything to her about it, she wouldn't have none that was going on.

[1046] That's so scary.

[1047] It's so scary.

[1048] It's, like, in a weird position and moved and, like, not supposed to be where it is.

[1049] And it's just, like, inconspicuously placed.

[1050] That's fucking terrifying.

[1051] It's so scary.

[1052] Um, that was thrilling and scary and exciting.

[1053] Yeah, happy Halloween, everybody.

[1054] Safe and sane.

[1055] Do you know Vince and I are going to be, um, Simon and Garfunkel?

[1056] well you told me that but then i thought you had a different one no we're going to be simon and i love that from that 70s one it's so good um yeah thanks for thanks guys we you guys are the best you guys yes so fun and thank you for everybody who sent those scary stories in and i mean there's a lot of writing taking place you guys really you laid it all out for us so thank you so much thank you and stay sexy and don't get murdered bye Elvis Deauvant a cookie Elvis Elvis Daddy?

[1057] Oh, that hasn't been any cats in hand 25 years