Armchair Anonymous: Simulation

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[3] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.

[4] Monty, this is a good one.

[5] This is our great obsession.

[6] You were a little skeptical.

[7] You were a little worried.

[8] I was.

[9] I was afraid it would sound like people telling you about their dreams, which is the worst experience anyone can have.

[10] And as a PSA to everyone, don't make anyone sit through your dreams.

[11] They didn't happen.

[12] Listen, I just told someone about it.

[13] I know.

[14] I did too.

[15] I did too.

[16] And this is a PSA to me as well.

[17] It's so tempting.

[18] But you might as well just go like, hey, I just thought of 400 random numbers.

[19] Want to hear it?

[20] 16, 8, 3.

[21] Dreams like the Sim.

[22] Well, there's a song about it.

[23] Dreams can come true.

[24] Look at me. Baby, I'm with you.

[25] And they tell you about.

[26] your thoughts.

[27] So I think it's interesting.

[28] Well, be careful because your thoughts lead to your words, your words lead to your actions.

[29] Your actions lead to your character.

[30] Wow.

[31] Yeah, yeah.

[32] Okay, so dreams are important.

[33] Talk about it.

[34] Oh, okay, so this is crazy simulation moments.

[35] And although I was nervous about that, what I didn't anticipate is these stories do happen in real life.

[36] So they're not completely made up at all.

[37] And I got to be honest with you, all these, I agree, are very, very strong.

[38] They're really fun.

[39] They're really, really fun.

[40] The last story is one of my faves.

[41] It's a thriller.

[42] We're uncovering, you know, a whole mystery.

[43] Yeah.

[44] Okay.

[45] Well, please enjoy crazy simulation moments.

[46] All times.

[47] Come and go.

[48] Take them slow.

[49] Hello.

[50] Oh, wonderful.

[51] We can hear you.

[52] Is it Leah?

[53] Yeah.

[54] Oh, my goodness.

[55] Leah, what's this exciting blanket you have just at shoulder length?

[56] I'm doing this in the spiritual room or the prayer room at my school because I don't have Wi -Fi at my house right now and I wasn't about to mess with hotspots and stuff for this.

[57] Well, we'll try to make this a spiritual experience.

[58] This is my church.

[59] Listening to armchair expert is my spirituality.

[60] Oh, my Lord, that's so flattering.

[61] Well, what kind of school are you at that has a spiritual room?

[62] I like this.

[63] I'm in med school in Idaho.

[64] Oh, in Idaho.

[65] But I'm actually leaving.

[66] I'm headed to the Hamptons for my third year.

[67] Oh, wow.

[68] Oh, my gosh.

[69] You're going to finish school in the Hamptons?

[70] Good luck.

[71] Thank you.

[72] I don't know anything about it.

[73] I'm really going in blind.

[74] Well, you're going to bump into Billy Joel and Howard Stern and you name.

[75] Fingers crossed.

[76] That would be one place we could relocate the show to and still get enough guests, you know, because we can't really leave L .A. Don't leave L .A. I grew up in Manhattan Beach.

[77] Oh, no way.

[78] Oh, and you are anxious to come home and be a doctor there?

[79] Yeah.

[80] You want to work at Cedars?

[81] Wow.

[82] You really?

[83] Hit the nail on the head there.

[84] I mean, it's the best hospital.

[85] I worked for Curlin Job for three years.

[86] Are you familiar?

[87] No, Curlin Job?

[88] Orthopedics.

[89] They're owned by Cedars.

[90] You would think I would know that.

[91] Yeah, with all of your injuries.

[92] AC separation surgeries and stuff.

[93] But if you had them done at Cedars, then I probably know the docs that did it.

[94] Well, the doctor who's done the most amount of surgeries on me, I think four at this point, is Dr. Delamajaro, and he's the sexiest.

[95] Do you know who that is?

[96] I've heard that name before.

[97] Oh, he's so fucking attractive.

[98] It's crazy.

[99] Easy.

[100] Maybe you can work at the newsseaters near our house.

[101] Then you can operate on Monica.

[102] She sometimes needs earrings removed.

[103] Yeah.

[104] Yes.

[105] I think there's going to be a surgery for your cholesterol.

[106] Yeah, exactly.

[107] Cut it right out.

[108] Yes.

[109] I just read Peter Atia's book.

[110] And he has a section there.

[111] Sorry, we're going back to the spiritual room.

[112] I like this.

[113] It stuck with me. He was at a place, kind of emotional treatment center.

[114] And he noticed in the kitchen, there was a sign that said, religion is for people who are afraid of hell.

[115] Spirituality is for people who have been to hell.

[116] Ooh, I like that.

[117] And I was like, ooh, I did that.

[118] And I'll put myself in the latter category.

[119] Okay, so you had a sim moment other than the one you're currently in right now, probably.

[120] When I told my best friend that I was going to be on this, she was like, is the sim that you and Monica are the same person and that you're finally going to meet her?

[121] And I was like, no, that's going to sound like psychopath, because I just said it anyway.

[122] I love meeting twins.

[123] What qualities do you think your friend is paralleling?

[124] All of the, like, boy stuff, when you said that liking a guy and then as soon as he likes you back, you don't like him because if he likes you, there's something wrong with him.

[125] He must be a piece of shit, yeah.

[126] Yeah.

[127] That makes me sad to hear it about you.

[128] That's how we feel about you.

[129] I don't want to.

[130] Okay.

[131] But, like, little things like hairplay, that's a very big part of my life.

[132] I can't wait until you move back here.

[133] We can just do hairplay.

[134] I would do hairplay all day long.

[135] What question do you think I would ask her, but I won't?

[136] About her boots.

[137] I didn't say that.

[138] You said that.

[139] What are you talking about?

[140] Okay.

[141] I said the only difference between me and Monica is I'm white and I don't have the big daddies.

[142] Yeah.

[143] You don't have fat matchy.

[144] What I lack on the chest area, I try to make up for in the personality, you know?

[145] There we go.

[146] Yeah, that's fair.

[147] By the way, that was not my curiosity.

[148] I was going to ask if your parents were immigrants, but she took it to a very nasty place.

[149] I don't want to talk to you anymore.

[150] I've talked to you long enough.

[151] They're California immigrants.

[152] They're actually from Detroit.

[153] Oh.

[154] I thought that my dad made up the phrase built like a brick shit house.

[155] Like I thought he made that up because ever since I was little, he'd be like, that kid's built like a brick shit house.

[156] I say it all the time.

[157] I'll be at my kid's school.

[158] I'm like, look what was this kid in fourth grade?

[159] He was built like a brick shit house.

[160] Wow.

[161] Okay.

[162] I could do this all day.

[163] But we must hear your sim moment.

[164] Okay.

[165] So it was 2017.

[166] I was studying abroad in Australia.

[167] I took a solo trip to Vietnam.

[168] I got there really late at night, and I was going on a cruise to Palong Bay.

[169] I had to stay at, like, this little hotel before the bus would pick me up early in the morning.

[170] So I was sitting waiting for the bus, and this couple walks by, and I have a UCLA backpack, because I went there, too.

[171] Go Bruins.

[172] And the guy was like, oh, do you go to UCLA?

[173] Basically, like, you probably speak English.

[174] We can chat.

[175] Yeah.

[176] They're really sweet.

[177] They were a young couple.

[178] So we split ways.

[179] I go on my trip.

[180] They go do their thing.

[181] And then four days later, I'm going on another trip up to a town called Sapa that's up in the mountains.

[182] And you have to take a sleeper train up there because it's like an eight hour journey.

[183] And I get into my cabin on the train.

[184] And they are my roommates on the train.

[185] Oh, my Lord.

[186] And so then we were like, oh, my gosh, this is fate.

[187] So then we were up on my chatting.

[188] And we exchanged Instagrams, have a wonderful trip.

[189] see you never kind of thing so fast forward to like end of 2020 i think it was so i was having lunch with my mom and i was telling her i was just getting rid of a bunch of people on instagram that i like know that i'm never going to see again and i came across this couple and i've been so heavily invested in their life since i saw them in vietnam they got engaged and i was so thrilled and then they got married and i was so thrilled and then they bought a house and they had a daughter yeah like Like they're a reality show.

[190] Yeah.

[191] So I was telling her this and I look up and they're walking across the street.

[192] No. Yeah.

[193] So I was in El Segundo having lunch and they walk across the street.

[194] They don't live there.

[195] No. And you were just talking about them.

[196] That's the crazy part.

[197] I wish I could like prove it somehow.

[198] And where you just like, Mom, that's them.

[199] I literally jumped up and said, no way.

[200] And my mom was so embarrassed.

[201] Sure.

[202] And I run over to them.

[203] I was like, probably don't remember me, but like, we met in Vietnam and I've just loved watching your life unfold.

[204] Oh, my God.

[205] They were really sweet.

[206] I don't really know if they remembered me. Like, I'm sure they did.

[207] I'm sure they did.

[208] You shared a sleeper train in Vietnam.

[209] You're going to remember that.

[210] I think so.

[211] Yeah.

[212] So now I can never unfollow them.

[213] Were they as blown away as you were with the fact that you're now running into each other again on another continent?

[214] Yes, except honestly, I was.

[215] so overly bamboozled by the whole thing.

[216] Yes.

[217] They were like, oh, my gosh, this is so crazy that we're seeing you.

[218] What in the world?

[219] How would this even happen?

[220] But they weren't just previously talking about you.

[221] That's what makes it.

[222] Yeah, they're in a different state.

[223] Oh, my God.

[224] That is bonkers.

[225] Guess what?

[226] Kim and Maddie, come out.

[227] Imagine if that was their names, though.

[228] Well, one of our heads would have just exploded.

[229] We would have had to have another episode, and then I would have told that story again.

[230] Exactly.

[231] that's so crazy yeah i want that you have it xanthum gum oh yeah yeah i do well leah that was incredible thank you so much for telling us and then what is your focus going to be as a as a doctor i want to do orthopedics we'll cross pass then let's hope not i hope so no because then when i like you you'll just think i'm a piece of shit too nobody's no no believe me nobody's imperfect We climb the ladder.

[232] It doesn't work.

[233] Can I have my bandgirl moment for one second?

[234] Of course.

[235] I just wanted to thank you for being so vulnerable and being so honest on your podcast.

[236] I was in treatment for a eating disorder that I had for like 10 years.

[237] And they had us write these letters to somebody, anybody.

[238] And I wrote a letter to you.

[239] I don't think they ever sent them, nor would you probably have seen it because you probably get a lot of mail.

[240] And then when you relapsed, I was at the Grove when I was listening to that.

[241] And I just sat on the stairs in the Grove parking lot and just, like, cried because I was going through my own relapse.

[242] Oh, sweetie.

[243] And then I went back into treatment after that.

[244] Oh, so special.

[245] The way that you've talked about your recovery, I'm like, eating disorders are addicts.

[246] We're addicts.

[247] Yeah.

[248] And I spent so long in treatment where they tried to, like, control.

[249] how much I ate and I had to show them my meals and it's about giving up that like we want to control everything.

[250] So I started seeing a therapist who specializes in addiction and I've never been better.

[251] Amazing.

[252] I still have room to improve but I'm at my best.

[253] Today, today we're good.

[254] Yeah.

[255] Yeah.

[256] Yeah.

[257] Oh, sweet.

[258] Thank you for telling me that.

[259] That was really touching.

[260] I appreciate it.

[261] Thank you for everything that you've done.

[262] Yeah.

[263] My pleasure.

[264] I'll I'll try to keep at it, okay?

[265] Yeah.

[266] Okay, so nice meeting you.

[267] You made my whole week.

[268] Thank you.

[269] So nice meeting you guys.

[270] Okay.

[271] Oh, fuck.

[272] She was in a relapse, too, at the same time.

[273] Oh.

[274] That fucked me up.

[275] Yeah.

[276] Shall we talk to Jamie?

[277] No, yeah.

[278] Oh, okay.

[279] I'll collect myself a little further.

[280] Hi, guys.

[281] Hi, Jamie.

[282] How are you?

[283] I'm so.

[284] pumped right now.

[285] Listen, we can learn a lot about you by your closet.

[286] You're not afraid of color.

[287] And I think that says a lot about someone.

[288] This is my coat closet.

[289] There's every color under the rainbow exists in this closet.

[290] Be a great closet for a mushroom trip.

[291] Sorry for another time, but I have never done them and I would love to do them.

[292] And your story is encouraged me to want to try them.

[293] Oh, no. And all right.

[294] So, Jamie, you had an intense sim moment or a series of moments, will you please set the stage for us?

[295] Did I ever?

[296] So it is important that you know my full name for this story.

[297] My full name is Jamie Barker, very simple.

[298] I grew up in West Palm Beach, Florida.

[299] I went to school in Savannah, Georgia.

[300] Where'd you go?

[301] I went to Skad.

[302] Oh, nice.

[303] Can I ask you a super dark question?

[304] Of course.

[305] You didn't go to that high school that Epstein was pulling from, did you?

[306] No, but it was during the time that I was in high school, which is like so crazy.

[307] And it was in West Palm, yeah?

[308] Yeah.

[309] I then went to New York City because I'm in fashion and I, like, wanted to be fashion.

[310] And I was there for 11 years, lived in Brooklyn.

[311] One of my apartments was walking distance from Emily's.

[312] Oh, how many times have you eaten that burger?

[313] Too many.

[314] I don't know if that's a possibility, but many, many times.

[315] Yeah.

[316] Wow.

[317] We were just talking about Emily Burger like five minutes ago.

[318] Five minutes ago, a little bit simy.

[319] And this is Sim episode, so it's cool.

[320] Of course.

[321] Why wouldn't that happen?

[322] So during the panaceousy.

[323] I reconnected with someone that I went to Skad with.

[324] We had been friends.

[325] It was like a 12 -year -long game.

[326] He was living upstate New York.

[327] Eventually made the decision that I was like, it's time to move out of the city, make the exodus.

[328] I did the move to upstate New York.

[329] That's where I am now.

[330] And he lived near Saratoga.

[331] There's a town called Troy.

[332] And it's a very walkable town.

[333] It's very cute, up and coming.

[334] Decided to move here.

[335] There was an apartment building that just checked all of the boxes.

[336] It had a ton of vacancy, too.

[337] So we really got like our pick of apartments, randomly chosen apartment, a beautiful view of the Hudson.

[338] It was perfect.

[339] So a girlfriend that I had met here was like, there's a farm.

[340] It's about 20 minutes from here.

[341] And every weekend, they make their own pizza.

[342] Oh my God.

[343] Amazing.

[344] This place just keeps getting better.

[345] We went.

[346] It was truly some of the best pizza I've had, like after living in this city.

[347] And it was so good that I felt very compelled to introduce myself to someone that worked there.

[348] I was like, I'm James.

[349] I just moved to Troy.

[350] This pizza was amazing.

[351] I will be back probably all the time.

[352] Thank you so much for having this wonderful facility.

[353] The guy was like, Jamie, you live in Troy.

[354] And I was like, yeah.

[355] And he was like, where in Troy do you do you live?

[356] And I was like, oh, it's this old renovated building on River Street.

[357] And he was like, is your last name Barker?

[358] And I said, yes, actually.

[359] As a matter of fact, what a great guess.

[360] I know.

[361] This is during COVID.

[362] So we were all wearing masks.

[363] And he said, you live in apartment 308.

[364] And I said, yeah, yeah, actually.

[365] And he said, okay, so my name is also Jamie Barker.

[366] Wait, what?

[367] And I live in apartment 309.

[368] No. You guys, we share a bedroom wall.

[369] He lives next store to me in the same building.

[370] He's from Ohio, not from this.

[371] area.

[372] We moved in one month apart from one another.

[373] So stepping back to this moment, I am in disbelief.

[374] And he said, I thought something had gotten like fucked up with my mail because he had gotten a piece of mail that was meant for me. Our names are spelled slightly different.

[375] And 308, 309.

[376] Like the craziest thing is his girlfriend has a Tacoma.

[377] I have a Tacoma.

[378] Mine's blue.

[379] Hers is gray.

[380] And they got my insurance by accident.

[381] But they thought it was like a scam because it was like too close and too weird didn't make it a different color so then he asks did you go hiking in lake george last weekend i was like of course yes i did and he was like my girlfriend hannah hiked the day after you because you have to like write your name or i always do so i wrote my name and my address the week and before this whole thing happened they had seen my name written by obviously not him and they were like oh my god this is a real person oh my god i don't even know what to say i'm just like looking at this person.

[382] I'm like, what else?

[383] My dad's from Kentucky.

[384] So where's your dad friend?

[385] He was like, my dad's from Kentucky.

[386] This is crazy.

[387] It was nuts.

[388] So turns out because both of our Barker dads have very detailed handwritten family trees.

[389] We found out that we have the same great, great, great grandparents.

[390] No way.

[391] We ended up becoming really good friends.

[392] Him, his girlfriend, me, my boyfriend, hang out all the time and share a bedroom wall.

[393] Let's blow that wall out.

[394] Do the whole thing.

[395] Yeah.

[396] Oh, my God.

[397] If you married him, it would be Jamie Bell and Jamie Bell.

[398] No, Barker.

[399] Barker, Barker, Barker.

[400] You know, it would be great as if you kept your name and hyphenated it.

[401] So you became Jamie Barker, Barker, Barker.

[402] Because you wanted him to know, you still have your Barker.

[403] Oh, wow.

[404] I also feel like we should start, like, a law firm.

[405] It's Jamie and Jamie Barker and Jamie Barker.

[406] Yeah, it's like the craziest thing that's ever.

[407] happened to me. That is a lazy simulation.

[408] I just felt like it was too much to digest that I was like, I think I'm in the right place at the right time.

[409] Or there's a glitch in the matrix.

[410] I'll tell you what happened.

[411] The computer has to make all the characters.

[412] And they know that they can just duplicate the ones they've made.

[413] And so they made a Jamie Barker, let's say a female.

[414] And then they were like, well, we can easily just make all these ones we created now, make them men, same name everything.

[415] Yeah.

[416] Scatter them all over the system.

[417] And they'll never interact.

[418] And then he's, Here you go.

[419] I hope the rest of the apartment start filling up with other barkers who inexplicably went to Troy.

[420] Fingers crossed.

[421] They're getting married next year and I feel like it's going to be like an alternate family reunion.

[422] So crazy.

[423] Wow.

[424] That is Sim.

[425] It's pretty wild.

[426] I have to say, you guys, I've been there from day one and this is surreal.

[427] This is Sim.

[428] Thank you so much.

[429] Well, Jamie.

[430] Really nice to meet you.

[431] Very nice to meet you.

[432] And tell the other Jamie Barker that we say hello and well.

[433] wishes.

[434] I will.

[435] Thank you so much.

[436] Bye, guys.

[437] All right, bye -bye.

[438] Wow.

[439] That one get you, Monica?

[440] Sims are crazy.

[441] Are you shook at all?

[442] Yeah.

[443] Don't scoge me. I'm shooking you.

[444] I'm already shooked.

[445] I want to bump into a Dax Shepherd woman.

[446] Lazy, lazy.

[447] I've got a Sim story.

[448] We took a cruise with my family.

[449] That was like the trip my parents planned after we all graduated.

[450] And we went to Hawaii.

[451] And it was all old people on the cruise.

[452] Of course.

[453] There was a kid that I had, I had played soccer with in, like, elementary school.

[454] Randallman happened to be on the cruise.

[455] So we hung out the entire week because it was all old people and us.

[456] And then we got back.

[457] He died two weeks after the cruise.

[458] Oh, my God.

[459] And I hadn't seen him in like eight years.

[460] Oh, my Lord.

[461] Well, I got like a final week with him, like reconnected with.

[462] That's true.

[463] He died in his sleep of like a heart attack.

[464] Oh, my God.

[465] Geez, Louise.

[466] This one isn't a sim, but it's similar.

[467] I, too, was with my parents on this trip, or my stepdad and my mom, and my little sister and my ex -girlfriend, Carrie, and I, and we're checking into this all -inclusive resort in Costa Rica.

[468] A man, two in front of us, is checking in, and he steps up to the counter, and they say name, and he says, Dave Buttons.

[469] And my stepdad, Dave Barton, says, that man is not Dave Barton, I'm Dave Barton.

[470] And the man turned around, who was also a little older, and he goes, I am Dave Buttons.

[471] I'm the real Dave Buttons.

[472] Neither of them for some reason can hear that their names are not being like, but they're really close.

[473] They're getting upset?

[474] Here's the best part.

[475] So there's this big debacle.

[476] And then finally we intervene and go, no, no, your name serves Dave Buttons is Dave Barton, whatever.

[477] We check in, we get to the room, and all of our luggage has arrived.

[478] Like Carly's, her boyfriend's, Carrie is my mom's.

[479] No luggage for Barton.

[480] You know, he's the gentlest man. He's like, I just don't know.

[481] I thought my luggage was with everything.

[482] And I go, Dave, do you really not know what's going on?

[483] He's like, what?

[484] I go, your suitcase is definitely a Dave Button's room.

[485] And he goes, oh, do you think so?

[486] I pick up the phone and I call the front desk.

[487] I swear to God, this is the truth.

[488] I go, can you please connect me to Dave Buttons room in the operator?

[489] Sir, you're in Dave Button's room.

[490] And I go, no, no, no, I'm in Dave Barton's room.

[491] And she goes, oh, yes.

[492] Okay, yes, you're Barton.

[493] Yes, let me connect you to Dave Buttons.

[494] Man picks up, hello, and I go, buttons, it's Barton.

[495] Do you have an extra bag in your room?

[496] He's like, well, let me look.

[497] Yeah.

[498] That's so funny.

[499] Oh, my God.

[500] And then he died.

[501] And then one week later, we were so grateful we got to have that exchange with them.

[502] No, that's really funny.

[503] That bit went around in our family for fucking 20 years.

[504] Oh, so stupid.

[505] It was in real life.

[506] It seems like a sketch, right?

[507] It does.

[508] And it just kept writing itself and topping itself.

[509] Sometimes there are gifts from the universe.

[510] Sim.

[511] Sim's got a sense of humor.

[512] Well, my dad bought the sense of humor package.

[513] Oh, good.

[514] Yeah, because he's a rascal.

[515] He likes a good laugh.

[516] Yeah, he does like to laugh.

[517] I've had him rolling before.

[518] Don't want to brag.

[519] He laughs easily.

[520] What a meaning.

[521] I'm kidding.

[522] I was a joke.

[523] He does like to laugh.

[524] Yeah, a lot.

[525] He's got a big laugh.

[526] I love.

[527] I love it.

[528] You don't like it.

[529] I love it.

[530] Well, I don't not like it.

[531] Depends.

[532] You just get scared.

[533] Yeah, you get scared that he'll be seen as other, and then you get nervous for him because you love him so much because he's your sweet, sweet poppy.

[534] And I hope my daughters are even half as protective of me as you are of your puppy, Ashok.

[535] This one's for you, Ashok.

[536] He had eye surgery today.

[537] Laser carotomy?

[538] No, a cataracts.

[539] Oh, I watched a cataract surgery on TV in Amsterdam on hash.

[540] which I had never partaken in.

[541] Carrie and I, wow, ding, ding, ding.

[542] Second story about Carrie.

[543] Oh my gosh.

[544] We fired up this hash and then on the TV was a cataract eye surgery.

[545] Oof.

[546] It was pretty wild to watch.

[547] Yeah.

[548] Real simple, though.

[549] Yeah, he said it was.

[550] And it comes out and just all of a sudden you can see.

[551] It's a piece of amber.

[552] That's treasure.

[553] We've all been there.

[554] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers and strange rashes.

[555] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst.

[556] case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[557] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[558] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[559] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[560] Each Terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[561] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[562] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon music.

[563] What's up, guys?

[564] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[565] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[566] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[567] And I don't mean just friends.

[568] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[569] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[570] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[571] Oh, hello, hello.

[572] Hi.

[573] Hello.

[574] Oh, you're frozen.

[575] We got halfway through hello and then we froze.

[576] Okay, now we see you.

[577] Very good.

[578] Now we're back.

[579] All right.

[580] So, how are you guys doing today?

[581] Wonderful.

[582] It's good to see you, Tyler.

[583] Welcome to the show.

[584] Where are you at in the world?

[585] I am in Avondale, Arizona.

[586] Oh, where's Avondale?

[587] It's a western suburb of Phoenix.

[588] Okay, off the 10.

[589] Yes, very closely off the 10, which I got rear -ended on, just not so long ago.

[590] Oh, no kidding.

[591] Congratulations.

[592] Yeah, we were on our way back from a cruise and got plowed into from behind.

[593] Oh, no. Not in a fun way either, so.

[594] Yeah.

[595] That's not obviously part of your Sim moment, right?

[596] We never attribute really bad moments to Sim.

[597] It's always more fun coincidences, right?

[598] Yeah, that's true.

[599] No, mine is not a bad, well, maybe middle of the road, but a happier ending.

[600] Okay, okay, great.

[601] Let's hear it.

[602] So I am sober.

[603] I have been for a little while.

[604] Congratulations.

[605] Thank you very much.

[606] Six and a half years now.

[607] And this took place when I was about eight, nine months sober.

[608] Okay.

[609] You're raw.

[610] Yeah, pretty raw.

[611] And so my first geographical solution to addiction was from Indianapolis down to Florida.

[612] An old friend, high school friend, didn't know what kind of shit show he was inviting into his home when he invited me to stay there for a few weeks to get my feet under me. And as you can probably imagine, that didn't work.

[613] The bottom kept getting lower until eventually I called my mommy who was here in Arizona and she agreed to find me out and help me get into treatment.

[614] Oh, thank God for moms.

[615] Jeez, Louise.

[616] Yeah, so I came out to Arizona and left that old friend and we kind of lost contact entirely.

[617] But the first year of sobriety was same for me as it is for most people who are really doing the deal.

[618] And I was in meetings all the time.

[619] I was doing a young person's meeting every Thursday night, which is where this sim moment really starts.

[620] It's like a stick topic meeting.

[621] You pull a obstacle stick that has a sobriety related topic on it.

[622] Oh, that's cool.

[623] Never been to one like that.

[624] Pretty cool.

[625] So the meeting goes on as it normally would.

[626] But then as we're getting ready to circle up and close the meeting out and pray it out and all that stuff, my buddy Ryan says, hey, hold on just a second, guys.

[627] I was talking to somebody earlier today that works in the field.

[628] and I just wanted to share with you guys what to do if someone calls you and they're talking about attempting suicide.

[629] Oh.

[630] I don't know about you, but in almost seven years now, I've never heard that come up in a meeting any other time.

[631] No. So yeah, he just chimed in, hey, guys, I want to let you know what you should do if somebody calls you and talking about a suicide attempt.

[632] And I thought, huh, that's kind of weird.

[633] But then we just prayed it out, closed the meeting, and went on with our business.

[634] I went to go pick up a pizza and take it back to my sobriety home.

[635] So I noticed on the drive that I'd missed a call from my old friend and we hadn't spoken in months.

[636] This is the friend who had lived in Florida who had invited you.

[637] That's exactly right.

[638] Yeah.

[639] And still, because I was in the car, I didn't have my ringer on or my vibrate on because I was trying to be a good A during the meeting.

[640] I figured I'd just call him back when I got to the house.

[641] So, I don't know, some feeling.

[642] came over me that I ought to do it immediately as soon as I walked in the door.

[643] So I gave him a call back and he answered and he sounded hammered.

[644] And as soon as he said hello, I knew something was really, really wrong.

[645] So I was like, hey, what's up, man?

[646] What's going on?

[647] And he said, I'm in my car in the garage, was it running, and the door closed.

[648] Oh, my God.

[649] In the middle of it.

[650] Wow.

[651] I know.

[652] This was like 45 minutes.

[653] It's after somebody at the end of the meeting.

[654] He's like, here's what you do if somebody calls you in a suicide attempt.

[655] I didn't even have to guess at what to do.

[656] I just heard the instructions a little while ago.

[657] So I talked to him.

[658] I asked him like open -ended questions, listened for his response, paid attention, didn't try to talk him out of anything, all the things that you're supposed to do.

[659] Yeah.

[660] Tell us as you do it because I think everyone would want to know.

[661] The key thing is like, don't try to talk.

[662] them out of or guilt them out of making the attempt you've got so much to live for your mom will be so disappointing all of that stuff don't do that yeah that just made me depressed and i wasn't even yeah exactly make me feel more guilty of reinforce that the world would be better without me you know yeah so instead of that ask them questions ask them to elaborate tell you what's going on talk about their emotions what's happened before this, leading up to.

[663] And then while keeping them on the phone and asking these questions, find another way to alert the authorities while you still have them on the phone.

[664] Uh -huh.

[665] Wow.

[666] And then keep them talking until you can hear authorities.

[667] Some emergency responders show up.

[668] So that's exactly what I did.

[669] And I used somebody else's phone that was there at the sober home with me. And I looked up the number for the sheriff's department, Florida, where he I muted him for just a sec, just to tell the 911 operator what was going on real quick, and then stayed on the phone and kept talking to him until I could hear them show up.

[670] No way.

[671] Oh, my God.

[672] I wouldn't know to do that.

[673] I would maybe get the first half right, but with the delusion that I could ultimately coax them out of the situation myself.

[674] Yeah, which is exactly how I would respond to it.

[675] Right.

[676] Wow.

[677] Just so happened that somebody had just.

[678] That's insane what to do.

[679] Oh, my God.

[680] That is really, really bonkers.

[681] I've never heard that come up any other time in my life.

[682] Was this event helpful in enacting some change on his behalf?

[683] Yeah, it was a marker of change, but things got worse before they got better.

[684] That was his last attempt.

[685] I mean, he did get Baker acted.

[686] Everyone in the house went to the hospital, actually.

[687] In Florida, a lot of homes, maybe even most of them, have their garage linked in with their central air because it gets so hot and muggy.

[688] So the carbon monoxide from the car was circulating through the whole house where his wife and dogs were.

[689] Oh, fuck.

[690] So the whole family probably was saved by the world.

[691] Really good job for calling the police.

[692] And it was one of those moments where like you're watching yourself do it because you can't believe what's happening is actually real.

[693] And then looking at the timing of the phone call because I went back through my call history, the call took place right at the tail end of the meeting.

[694] When it was happening, when you were being instructed.

[695] Yeah.

[696] So when I missed the call initially was when my buddy was telling us what to do.

[697] Wow.

[698] That is the type of story that will make you religious.

[699] It went a long way toward beating down the icy intellectual side of me that wanted to resist any kind of spiritual talk in the beginning.

[700] Yeah.

[701] Had a hard time with that.

[702] Yeah, it's quite a hurdle.

[703] What a great ending.

[704] That's mega.

[705] Yeah.

[706] These sims are They're fucking deep.

[707] Have you heard a lot of real good ones?

[708] There's been some good ones.

[709] Yes, yes.

[710] The sim is fucking very active in some people's lives.

[711] It is.

[712] I hesitated to even share the story because it feels like sometimes sobriety related stories are almost a cheat when it comes to sim.

[713] Because like when I get sober and I see this happen in other people's lives too around me, like spontees and everybody else that comes in, If they're getting sober, doing the work, really getting into it, doing the whole deal, then sin moments are almost a dime a dozen.

[714] Yeah.

[715] Well, yeah, the promises come true.

[716] Yeah.

[717] And the universe just starts doing all this weird shit for you instead of to you.

[718] I like it a lot.

[719] But also, I'm such a cynic and a skeptic that if I am willing to say some higher power did those nice things, then I have to say, well, then that higher power is doing all this horrendous amount of suffering and pain.

[720] That's where I get lost.

[721] I actually agree with you.

[722] I am not a fan of the grand puppeteer idea.

[723] And I just don't think that's how it works.

[724] It doesn't work for me, yeah.

[725] But I have an inflated belief in humanity in this weird, powerful magic that happens between humans.

[726] I do believe in that.

[727] I believe that the solar system is pretty spectacular, that it's all revolving like that all day long.

[728] I have nothing to do with it.

[729] I can buy into some glimpses of it, you know?

[730] Right.

[731] There's a kind of benevolence to existence as a whole.

[732] And the human spirit, I think, can tap into it if we do some work to get there.

[733] Yeah.

[734] And there's some symmetry that's happening.

[735] And you can feel it when you're not in that symmetry, I think.

[736] Yeah.

[737] We solved it.

[738] Welcome agnostics for all the agnostics.

[739] You don't need that chapter anymore.

[740] We just solve it.

[741] Yeah, don't read the book at all.

[742] Tyler, great meeting you.

[743] And congratulations on the six plus years.

[744] That's incredible.

[745] Thanks so much.

[746] Congratulations on your years, too.

[747] Thank you, brother.

[748] Keep on.

[749] Bye.

[750] Take care, guys.

[751] This world is chock full of sweeties.

[752] I don't know why I'm so skeptical of everything.

[753] Me either.

[754] Oh, God.

[755] I'm going to end it so badly.

[756] Yes.

[757] Whoa.

[758] I would be, in fact, I'm going to be honest.

[759] I'd be annoyed if I heard that in a meeting.

[760] Why?

[761] Not because of the message in and of itself.

[762] If someone has decided that they have something worthy, of introducing a non -alcohol -related topic.

[763] I know where that also goes.

[764] So then the meeting can become vaguely political.

[765] There's a real reason why outside stuff isn't really welcome there because it can tilt.

[766] We all have to agree.

[767] We agree that's a worthy thing, a suicide.

[768] But there's going to be some people that are pro -life that think the thing they think is worthy.

[769] It's a slippery slope.

[770] Now, if he wants to tell everyone in the room over coffee this thing, it's awesome.

[771] But in the official closing of the meeting before the prayer and you have the announcements, introducing that to me potentially makes the program political.

[772] I see.

[773] It's a little related.

[774] The chances are a little bit higher.

[775] That someone they sponsor will call them.

[776] Yeah, yeah.

[777] That's totally true.

[778] And I'm sure that's why he or she felt justified in educating people, which is already a little no -noe.

[779] It's all great.

[780] It worked out great.

[781] Hello.

[782] Caitlin, can you hear us?

[783] Yes, can you hear me?

[784] Absolutely.

[785] Where are you, Caitlin, other than a very smeary background?

[786] Yeah, I'm in my closet and it's very messy.

[787] Okay, I understand.

[788] But I followed the rules.

[789] I'm in Los Angeles, actually.

[790] Oh, no kidding.

[791] Oh, geez, right down the street.

[792] Eight miles as the crow flies.

[793] I know.

[794] Wow.

[795] Is this part of the sim?

[796] It's not.

[797] I mean, I guess we're in a sim because we're in the same place.

[798] But my story is actually an old one.

[799] It takes place in my hometown, which is like an hour south of Buffalo, New York.

[800] Should I jump right into it?

[801] Please, tell us what happened.

[802] Okay.

[803] Monica, I'm kind of the same age as you almost.

[804] So imagine we're in like third or fourth grade.

[805] It's like late 90s.

[806] Oh, yeah.

[807] And it was my birthday.

[808] And my family gave me a kitten for my birthday, which was obviously so exciting.

[809] And I have two siblings.

[810] So getting my own cat was a big deal.

[811] And the cat was like super unique.

[812] It was gray, but calico had orange and white spots.

[813] We were that kind of family that at one point you had.

[814] We had hamsters.

[815] We had turtles, dogs, but usually they were family pets.

[816] So, of course, like, I love this cat.

[817] And it's important to know our cats were indoor, outdoor cats.

[818] Like I'm saying, small town, they didn't have collars.

[819] They weren't microchipped.

[820] Well, Caitlin, really quick, we just realized recently, Kristen and I, that most people, certainly in California, and I think a lot of other places, they don't know this expression, is your dog an indoor dog or an outdoor dog?

[821] Which, Where we grew up, more than half of people's dogs were outdoor dogs.

[822] They never came in the house.

[823] It's the same vibe.

[824] Yeah.

[825] Our dogs, they have legit dog houses outside.

[826] You don't see that here.

[827] But unfortunately, this cat ended up getting pregnant before we could even get her spade.

[828] Because, you know, she's going in and out as she pleases, finding some men cats.

[829] She's out on the town.

[830] She ended up having kittens when she was like six months.

[831] But my mom's like, this is going to be a learning experience.

[832] She takes me out of school to watch.

[833] The cat gave birth.

[834] Oh, wow.

[835] I see this cat have six kittens of her own.

[836] It's crazy.

[837] I felt like I was living in an American girl doll book in the way, which was huge back then.

[838] I had this big bond with this cat.

[839] We got all the kittens, new homes, six months go by, and the cat just disappears, my cat.

[840] Her name was October, by the way, to go with my birthday theme.

[841] Perfect.

[842] And at this point, it's winter.

[843] In Buffalo, it's cold, like in the negative temp, and snowy.

[844] A couple days go by.

[845] She hasn't come home.

[846] And I remember sitting at the dinner table and my dad just being like, oh, she probably got run over by a snowplow or something.

[847] Oh, my.

[848] Okay.

[849] So no suffering, quick end.

[850] They're like, okay, let's just move on from this.

[851] But I'm eight or nine years old.

[852] Like, I'm not going to just get over it like that.

[853] Yeah.

[854] So at least a year went by.

[855] And I'm still talking about October the cat.

[856] And I remember sitting with my family and I'm like, I had a dream that she came home.

[857] She just walked up the driveway.

[858] They shrug it off.

[859] And then maybe a week or two go by, and I go on a school field trip to the animal shelter.

[860] Okay.

[861] We get to see what the employees do there.

[862] And then we go back and obviously see the really cute little kittens.

[863] And there's like a large animal enclosure with dozens of adult cats.

[864] And my friend is like, hey, that's your cat.

[865] The cat just comes up to me. And I'm like, oh, my God, it is my cat.

[866] With 100 % certainty.

[867] I was 100%.

[868] Wow.

[869] I'm, like, sobbing.

[870] And I go up to the front desk there, and I tell them, I think this is my cat.

[871] Like, she went missing over a year ago, maybe two years ago at this point.

[872] Wow.

[873] They pull up a file on her.

[874] They have, like, all this information.

[875] And they're like, okay, someone found her at 40 Division Street, which was my address.

[876] What?

[877] So we're thinking maybe someone thought she was a stray.

[878] Who knows?

[879] So, same moment for me. I'm like, I knew this cat was coming back.

[880] I dreamed about it.

[881] So I call my mom.

[882] Hold on.

[883] I feel like I just figured something out.

[884] What?

[885] The cat didn't disappear.

[886] No, someone stole the cat.

[887] Or the mom gave it.

[888] No, the mom, they took the cat to the shelter.

[889] This one they gave to her for her birthday.

[890] No. Yes, let's find out.

[891] Let's find out.

[892] Oh, my God.

[893] You're too good.

[894] You're too good.

[895] No. Are you?

[896] Oh, my God.

[897] Can you believe?

[898] Your mom did it?

[899] Yes, it's a last address.

[900] That's what they said they found this cat.

[901] I would have assumed that like someone walking by like you said would have thought it was a stray cat.

[902] and then, like, took it to a shelter.

[903] They'd give their own address, I think.

[904] No, no, they found it in the yard.

[905] And it's like, oh, this stray cat in this person's yard.

[906] Okay, all right.

[907] Because they're not used to indoor, outdoor.

[908] Okay, so do they release the cat to you?

[909] I was like an eight -year -old riding a school bus, so no. So I go to the friend desk and I call my mom because she has to go get this cat.

[910] Yes.

[911] And I'm calling her.

[912] She's a nurse at a doctor's office.

[913] So, like, she's probably in the middle of work, like, in a patient room.

[914] but I'm sobbing on the phone.

[915] So they pull her out of the room, and I'm like, Mom, they found October.

[916] She's at the animal shelter.

[917] Oh, my.

[918] She's like, oh, really?

[919] I'll go get her after work.

[920] I go home on the school.

[921] I was, like, so excited.

[922] And my mom comes home a few hours later with the cat.

[923] So, like, we're reunited.

[924] The cat lives its life with me, totally normal.

[925] But then we fast forward to when I'm in college.

[926] Oh, God.

[927] My parents are divorced.

[928] At this point, I'm with my dad.

[929] We're sitting around a bonfire.

[930] I think we're, like, drinking.

[931] And I'm retelling this story because I'm like, everyone loves a sim moment.

[932] Like, I need to share this again.

[933] I finish it.

[934] And my dad's like, you know your mom took that cat to the shelter.

[935] No. Absolutely not.

[936] Of course she did.

[937] And like, I have the same reaction.

[938] I was like, there's no way.

[939] Like, my mom's the nicest person in the world.

[940] She's a nurse.

[941] Was she allergic to the cat?

[942] Why did she dislike this cat?

[943] much.

[944] What I found out was that the cat was having an affair with your dad?

[945] Maybe.

[946] Maybe that's the story.

[947] I call my mom up and I'm like, dad told me you took my cat October to the animal shelter.

[948] The gloves are off.

[949] She goes silent.

[950] And then she's like, I cannot believe he told you that.

[951] You're disappointed in him.

[952] Well, for real, but why would he?

[953] Oh my God, I hate all of it.

[954] It actually was really funny hearing her story.

[955] And I'm glad it was like 10 years later.

[956] Yeah, thank God.

[957] She's like, obviously everyone she worked with knew the situation.

[958] So they're all like laughing at her like, oh my gosh, you tried to get rid of that cat and I have to go get it.

[959] Oh, my God.

[960] She ended up having to like pay to surrender the cat and paid to get it back.

[961] And it turns out the cat was peeing on everything.

[962] My mom's not a horrible person.

[963] The cat had like later passed away bladder issues.

[964] So totally understanding.

[965] But I feel like it was such a sim moment for me for most of my life.

[966] Yes, yes, and then had a great explanation.

[967] This is like a fake -out sim.

[968] Yeah.

[969] Oh, that's great.

[970] I got to add, and this will anger some people, but this is the truth, at least in the 80s, in 90s, in my ruralish town in Michigan.

[971] There's kind of a different overall sentimentality about animals and pets.

[972] Like they're at the gas stations being a given away in boxes.

[973] They overrun neighborhoods because they don't get spayed.

[974] I can see where, like, Of course, she'd tell her coworkers.

[975] She wouldn't in L .A. Come tell her coworkers that she gave her kids cat away and didn't tell her.

[976] But I guess also, let me just defend your mom for one more second and say, she's like, I refuse to live with this cat.

[977] So that's the first order of business.

[978] No way.

[979] I'm not doing it.

[980] And there's no way when I tell Caitlin we're giving her cat October, her birthday present back to the shelter, that she's going to say, okay, so that's not an option for what I've already decided has to happen.

[981] And, you know, if the cat ran away, she'll get over it.

[982] We'll get, you know.

[983] You know, I can see where it seemed like the least.

[984] So when your dad said October got hit by a snowmobile, he knew the whole time and was just saying that.

[985] Well, now that's what they say about one lie leads to a dozen.

[986] He sees that you're waiting hopeful that this cat's returning.

[987] He knows it's gone for good.

[988] So he's got to put you out of your misery and make up a snowplow story.

[989] Everyone's got a lie now.

[990] In retrospect, I'm like, why didn't we put up flyers?

[991] Like, we didn't look for the cat.

[992] You know what I mean?

[993] Right, no effort was made.

[994] You were like, she got out of the house, and they're like, oh, she's gone forever?

[995] That's so sad.

[996] Right.

[997] But I wasn't mad.

[998] I think it's a funny story now.

[999] So I have peace with it.

[1000] Then maybe it was the right order of events.

[1001] Maybe the mom aced it.

[1002] You missed the cat.

[1003] Then you found the cat.

[1004] You witnessed a miracle in your life.

[1005] You got your cat back.

[1006] And then as an adult, it's funny.

[1007] You did ultimately get your cat and live with that cat.

[1008] ate it too.

[1009] Oh, Caitlin, that was a barmeburger.

[1010] Thank you so much.

[1011] This is so cool.

[1012] It's so good to meet you.

[1013] Yes, so good to meet you.

[1014] And Monica, I wanted to say thanks for sharing your race to 35.

[1015] I'm turning 35 this year and I actually just froze my eggs this week.

[1016] Oh, amazing.

[1017] So I'm a little out of it still.

[1018] Congratulations.

[1019] It's a hard thing.

[1020] And it was just good to hear someone's story before doing it.

[1021] Good.

[1022] I'm glad it helped.

[1023] All right.

[1024] Well, take care.

[1025] Yeah, good luck with the Sims.

[1026] Okay.

[1027] Bye -bye.

[1028] Holy smokes, man. Wow, what a mom.

[1029] Wow, that was really, really good.

[1030] Those were fun.

[1031] You know, I was a little nervous.

[1032] They were going to feel like people telling you about their dreams or people telling you about their mushrooms trips.

[1033] Right.

[1034] And it was not that at all.

[1035] Nope.

[1036] No, delighted.

[1037] They were good ones.

[1038] Good job, Cherries.

[1039] We love you, Charries.

[1040] Do you want to sing a tune or something?

[1041] We don't have a theme song.

[1042] Oh.

[1043] We don't have a song.

[1044] for this new show so here I go go go we're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of armcherry's book and some suggestions on the flyer rhyme dish on the flyer rhyme dish enjoy follow armchair expert on the wondry app amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts you can listen to every episode of armchair expert early and ad free right now by joining wondry plus in the wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

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