#1312 - Ms. Pat

[0] two one boom miss pat we're live what's up how are you hey great to see you again glad to be back man this studio is better than my house crap i'm gonna go home and tell my husband we need to move in joe rogan's studio there's not a lot of room from extra people i know i know i know i know i was just fantasizing are you still in indianapolis um unfortunately you don't like it there hell no i like my fans but i'm black and And, you know, it's snowing.

[1] Snow and weave don't go together.

[2] And, you know, I just don't like it.

[3] It's the same.

[4] Everybody eat at Applebee's and Golden Corral.

[5] I need culture.

[6] Culture.

[7] Yeah, culture.

[8] Where about Chicago?

[9] I'm cool.

[10] I want to go back to Atlanta.

[11] Atlanta.

[12] That's where I want to be.

[13] I want to be in Atlanta.

[14] I love Atlanta.

[15] Yes.

[16] Man, the food, the people.

[17] Yes.

[18] I just, I want to walk out my dough and smell Mexican, Indian, all type of spices.

[19] All I smell in my community is duck shit and tiki torches.

[20] And dry your sheets Because white women do their laundry Dryer sheets Yeah I need some culture I need to walk outside and see all types of people Isn't it weird how places just never develop A lot of culture Some places just the spots just never get any more Interesting Yeah it's just It's so boring Everybody go to church Nobody curse And when I come out my door And if I'm talking to a name And I use profan Oh my God I said I'm not going to change my language because you decide to walk your dog today and stop and talk to me?

[21] You tried to talk to me, and everybody pick up their dog shit in my community.

[22] And where I'm from, hey, that was fertilizer.

[23] So you see your neighbor with a big old pound of dog crap in his hand?

[24] I'm like, dude, no, no. I don't think it works as fertilizer because my dog pisses and shits on the lawn.

[25] It just leaves these big old, like, yellow spots where the grass dies.

[26] And it rains on them, they just go into the grass.

[27] That's true.

[28] They don't kill the grass.

[29] It don't kill the grass.

[30] I think the piss does.

[31] The piss seems to kill the grass.

[32] Well, I don't know.

[33] We didn't have no grass.

[34] Everybody walked through the grass.

[35] I didn't care about lawns until I became a homeowner.

[36] Yeah, homeowners care about lawns.

[37] Homeowners care about a lot of crap.

[38] You have to.

[39] Yeah, I have a rental property in Atlanta.

[40] If I can get rid of that, I would never ever.

[41] Black people come up with some of the strangest things why they ain't got their rent.

[42] Like I suppose to care.

[43] I tell them, Bank of America don't care that your mom, that your grandchild I had a seizure.

[44] I need my rent money.

[45] Put a spoon in his mouth.

[46] Jesus Christ.

[47] Tell him about CBD.

[48] I mean, I've had so, I'll be so glad when I can get rid of this property.

[49] So you own a place in Atlanta?

[50] Yes.

[51] Would you live there at the place that you own?

[52] Hell no. No?

[53] No, I wouldn't live there.

[54] You don't like the spot?

[55] I'm a little too bougie for that much.

[56] I'm a little too bougie.

[57] I got health care.

[58] Too much success.

[59] No, not too much success.

[60] I'm a little too bougie.

[61] live back while.

[62] But I rent it out.

[63] I rent out.

[64] That's a nice place.

[65] But you would live in Atlanta somewhere else.

[66] Oh yeah.

[67] I want to go to Peastry City, Kennesaw.

[68] Yeah.

[69] Yeah.

[70] I would live in Atlanta.

[71] I love Atlanta.

[72] Why don't you make your way down there?

[73] What's, what's holding you in Indianapolis?

[74] Health care, Jeff.

[75] Health care.

[76] My husband has a really good job that we pays nothing.

[77] His knee just went out.

[78] His hands done gone out.

[79] And I can't pay for them types of things.

[80] What?

[81] Damn.

[82] He tore his ACL running to the cafeteria at work.

[83] Oh, I've done that.

[84] I've done, I tore both of them.

[85] You probably were exercising.

[86] He was going to get food.

[87] Don't watch this episode of Joe Rogan, baby.

[88] I'm sorry.

[89] Tune out now, sir.

[90] That's a rough one to recover from.

[91] It takes a long time.

[92] Six months.

[93] He was six months.

[94] And he's got a carpitone in his hands, so he's getting ready to have hands surgery.

[95] Does he type?

[96] What does he?

[97] He builds the Allison transmission for Allison.

[98] Oh, okay.

[99] So he's constantly moving.

[100] things with his hands.

[101] Yeah, so his hand is all.

[102] Carpal tunnels, a bitch.

[103] My mom got that.

[104] That's a rough one.

[105] Well, I never had a job where I did that much repetition.

[106] You know, I sold drugs and forged a few checks.

[107] It wasn't an everyday thing I had to do.

[108] So you haven't had to have any checks you'd have to forage before you get carpal tunnel.

[109] Yeah, a lot.

[110] So once you burn 32, you don't have any more to burn.

[111] You got to wait for somebody steal the next book.

[112] Plus, I was really young back in the day.

[113] Yeah.

[114] Damn.

[115] So that's what's keeping you in Indianapolis.

[116] Health care.

[117] My husband got a good job.

[118] I need a TV show so I can get some really good health care.

[119] Well, your podcast is launched now.

[120] It is.

[121] It's called The Pat Down?

[122] The Pat Down.

[123] And I have my own song, too.

[124] Oh, thank you.

[125] We're talking about Ari.

[126] Yes.

[127] But Ari getting in trouble for putting other people's songs on his podcast and they demonetize his podcast.

[128] Yeah, my nephew, Riverdale Shard and made me my own little pat -down song.

[129] Oh, nice.

[130] So, yeah.

[131] Oh, somebody made a song for you?

[132] That's beautiful.

[133] Yeah.

[134] trying to do something different.

[135] It's only 30 minutes of me talking crap about what I was going on in my life.

[136] Perfect.

[137] You hear my kids in the background getting cussed out.

[138] You hear the creditor calling me. And my co -hosts is a little white boy named Chris who don't know nothing about Black America.

[139] And then I got my friend who just, he's ready to go much if you need him to.

[140] So I got this libertarian and this crazy -ass Democrat together.

[141] And I'm down the middle and say, hey, we're.

[142] can all get along and they hated each other then first how'd you get them together because they hated each other so you did it on purpose yeah my black friend thought chris was racist i was like no i know racist he's not racist he's just naive to the fact and so i put him to what naive eaved not tell them what i'm trying to say naive oh naive yeah you got to translate you know naive i was like yeah naive i was that like adam and eve like i was trying to go with this it was naive but it sounded like adam and eve yes so it just He just didn't understand.

[143] So we get them together, and we have these conversation about race.

[144] And we did an episode about abortion.

[145] And Chris was like, he's really Christian.

[146] And he was like, do you believe a woman should have a right to have an abortion?

[147] He just pit or pat it all around.

[148] I said, Chris, just say yes or fucking no. And finally he said, I don't believe a woman should have an abortion.

[149] I said, that's fine.

[150] But this is my vagina.

[151] And I can do what I want to do with.

[152] If I want to stick fire crackers in my vagina and turn it into the 4th of July, Joe Rogan, this is my vagina.

[153] As long as I don't get no vagina juice on you.

[154] That makes sense.

[155] Atlanta's got a problem now with that, right?

[156] Isn't that Georgia just passed a new abortion law?

[157] I don't think it's passed yet.

[158] Tiffany Hanna.

[159] She just canceled her shows.

[160] Yeah.

[161] Yeah, she just canceled her shows in Atlanta because I think it passed.

[162] I think that was the idea.

[163] That's why she canceled it.

[164] I don't think it passed, Joe, because the TV people haven't pulled out yet.

[165] Oh, you think they would if it passed?

[166] I think they would.

[167] I think they would.

[168] I really think they would.

[169] Atlanta got them in there because of tax money.

[170] Yeah, and I think they'll leave, and a lot of people lose their jobs.

[171] I don't think they're going to leave.

[172] I don't think nobody should be telling us what to do with our bodies.

[173] I don't think so either.

[174] Yeah, I mean, you know, I've been shot in the titter.

[175] One of my nips messed up.

[176] So that's like you trying to tell me I should get my titty fix.

[177] If I don't want my titty fix, it's my prerogity.

[178] I shouldn't have to have my titty fix, right, Joe?

[179] How do you feel about late -term abortions?

[180] That's where people get scared.

[181] That gets squirrelly.

[182] Yeah, I don't think you should be killing, having no. abortion in those six and eight months now.

[183] And I don't think it should be recreation either, because I had an abortion.

[184] Recreational?

[185] No, they're just doing it for fun.

[186] I like how you translate for me. Oh, I've had a few friends.

[187] What are you going to do today?

[188] Well, I was thinking about riding a roller coaster, but fuck it, I'll get an abortion.

[189] I've had a few friends that had quite a few abortions.

[190] I've had one myself.

[191] I mean, in my situation, I think everybody's situation is different.

[192] My situation, I already had my first baby at 14, my second child at 15.

[193] and it was by a married man. Well, I got pregnant by this married man again.

[194] And I just looked at myself.

[195] I said, here I am, 16, pregnant with my third child.

[196] I cannot take care of the two I got.

[197] And, you know, all of this stuff, like what they tell you about birth control and safe sex, that wasn't going on in the 80s.

[198] You know, people shedding their doves and talking, wouldn't even talk about it.

[199] Well, especially when you were a little kid.

[200] I'm 14.

[201] You were a little kid.

[202] I was a kid.

[203] So when I got pregnant with my third child, I became emancipated minor and divorced my mom.

[204] and I went and got an abortion because I knew he wasn't helping me with the first two That's so crazy So I couldn't take your three On the first podcast And still to this day Sometimes I'll be doing something And I'll just think about your story And just go Pshh Hoselling drugs as a teenager Pregnant with two kids By the time you're 16 By Mary man In jail I mean I dropped out of school In the eighth grade You know all of that stuff And I just said I said I said I don't want my kids to end up like me. So I was like, I can't keep having these babies.

[205] And after that, I got on birth control and I just prayed.

[206] I said, Lord, I don't want no more kids by this bomb.

[207] And I never got pregnant.

[208] So I got married.

[209] Well, that's good.

[210] Yeah.

[211] So now I have those two, you know, I used to tell a bit about I got a set of Medicaid kids and a set of Blue Cross Blue Shire kids.

[212] So I waited until they got older.

[213] I mean, I got older and I became, I started to learn about life.

[214] He taught me a lot.

[215] And so I had those.

[216] last two and I tied my tubes.

[217] Very, very good move.

[218] Yeah, I'm fine.

[219] Four is enough.

[220] Four is more than a good number.

[221] But you know, Joe, I'm black.

[222] So my family smoked crack.

[223] So they keep giving me their kids.

[224] So I had to tie my tubes to make room for the crack baby that keep coming in and not my house.

[225] I'm raising four right now.

[226] Really?

[227] Yeah, I have my niece, my niece, I picked up my niece like five years ago to help her out.

[228] She had a baby that was two weeks old.

[229] And I have this thing like, all kids deserve.

[230] of Solid Foundation because I didn't have one.

[231] So I picked, this is my third set of kids I've raised and I'm just 47.

[232] So I picked my niece up baby two weeks old and she got three other kids.

[233] I said, okay, I got this big house in Indianapolis.

[234] Come live with me. I got three, four extra bedroom.

[235] Well, this bitch ran off and left me with them kids.

[236] Now, I have a five or eight.

[237] She left you with her kids?

[238] Yeah, and a 10 and an 11 year.

[239] And I've had these kids for six years and I literally have not seen my niece and I'm four years.

[240] No phone call, no nothing.

[241] And, you know, I'm trying to build a career.

[242] So I have a daughter who my whole, all my kids who were at the house and they had to make a major sacrifice.

[243] Like, my daughter couldn't go off the college because she didn't want to leave my husband with these four kids.

[244] So she went to college in Indianapolis, but she went mostly from, you know, home.

[245] My son couldn't go out to college because they at home help him raise these four kids that I call my crack babies.

[246] But they're at home.

[247] raising my crack babies because you don't want to leave my husband with all four of these crack babies by their selves.

[248] So, you know.

[249] Where's the mother?

[250] You want to hear something crazy?

[251] The bitch blocked me on Facebook, Joe.

[252] She won't even let me be a friend on Facebook.

[253] You're taking care of her children and she blocked you on Facebook?

[254] Why did she block you?

[255] Because I kept saying, I'm going to kill you, bitch.

[256] I was ready to live my best life.

[257] I was going to make some money.

[258] Me and my husband going to go to Hawaii, get naked floating in the water, and bam, four crack babies.

[259] You can't do that, but you can't, you know how much a ticket to Hawaii call?

[260] I can't take them crack babies with me. Oh, my God.

[261] That's so crazy.

[262] Yeah, so, I mean, it changed everything.

[263] And then, you know, when she left and she didn't even give me custody, I had to go and hire his lawyer and go and get custody because she just ran off.

[264] And I asked the, you know, the welfare system in Indianapolis, I said, can y 'all just give me child care?

[265] because child care was going to be like $800 a week.

[266] Because my kids was in high school when she loved.

[267] And they was like, no, we can't give you that.

[268] But we will give you Medicaid and $300.

[269] They didn't give me shit.

[270] Jesus Christ.

[271] So I just made away myself and I said, you know what?

[272] I've had this baby since she was two weeks old.

[273] How do you drop a baby that you've had since she was two weeks old?

[274] It's basically your baby now.

[275] Yeah, I can't give up.

[276] I love it.

[277] Especially since the mom blocked you.

[278] Yeah.

[279] That is so false.

[280] Fucking crazy.

[281] The mother blocked you.

[282] Do you know where she is?

[283] No. Oh, my God.

[284] No, but we did make a secret account right of a nice fine man like yourself, Joe Rogel, nice fine black man. And we friended her.

[285] So she accepted as a friend.

[286] So she don't know that that's us.

[287] And she don't listen to your podcast so I can tell.

[288] So we follow her like that.

[289] So she's on the other side of town getting high.

[290] Never hit me up, never talk about the kids.

[291] That's so crazy.

[292] You know, I don't get a dime from nobody.

[293] nobody and I don't ask for nothing I mean I'm just at this point I'm thankful that I can even take care of these kids because my sister was on drugs and I took care of her kids my niece who's on drugs now I took care of them for 10 years with my husband and she's on drugs now the daughter's on drugs well my sister got them back and got them all on drugs like her oh Jesus Christ so I made sure that these kids can't go back to that situation now I call them my boozy crack babies they won't even eat McDonald's only chick filet They were like, oh, we don't eat McDonald's.

[294] We eat Chick -fil -A.

[295] And I was like, I remember when your ass didn't eat at all, baby.

[296] They give me great material, but it's not easy.

[297] Do they know you call them crack babies?

[298] No, they don't see your pop.

[299] My husband says, stop calling these damn kids crack babies.

[300] Oh, geez.

[301] These are crack babies.

[302] Fuck.

[303] They don't know I call them crack babies.

[304] Only America know that I call them crack babies, but y 'all can't call them crack babies.

[305] Oh, my God.

[306] Do they call you mom?

[307] They do, and it's kind of weird.

[308] That's cool, though.

[309] So they just started calling me mom out of nowhere.

[310] Don't call me fucking mom, I'm an auntie.

[311] And now I just let them go.

[312] That's beautiful.

[313] Well, they go to school and they see all the, you know, I live in this white community, and they see all these kids with a mom and daddy.

[314] And they're like, well, why don't we have it?

[315] And they just started calling me mom.

[316] And so we're mom And my daughter who She just graduated from college But she's they got two moms And then my dad My husband is their daddy Aw Yeah I love that Well thank you Thank you That's a beautiful thing you're doing It really is Even though the lady's a cunt She abandoned her kids No in the black community She's a bitch Yeah That's what she is Those kids got lucky They got lucky They really did They really did I took them on a Disney cruise Last year Joe And oh my God They had the time Or they like I said look at my crack baby They don't know what I don't save them from the Craighouse.

[317] Oh, my God, what you saved them from.

[318] They're on a Disney cruise.

[319] Yeah, look at these crack babies on the Disney Cruise with matching outfits.

[320] But I love them.

[321] That's amazing that you're doing that.

[322] It really is.

[323] I mean, I know it's hard, but it's amazing that you're doing that.

[324] Well, you know, like I said earlier, every child deserve a solid foundation to start on.

[325] Unfortunately for me, I didn't have that solid foundation.

[326] I didn't have nobody to step in my mind.

[327] life and you know snatched me from my mom but you know whenever i see a child in need especially a family member i always try to step in because i know i know when you don't have that solid foundation where you can end up and some kids end up you know fucked up even with a solid foundation but if you can give them a good start at least give them a good start and that's all i ever wanted to do that's beautiful yeah and syvin's learning center is killing me i put these black crack babies in this white community.

[328] These kids been reading since they were two.

[329] They were whooping my black baby ass, Joe Rosen.

[330] So they need tutors?

[331] Hell yeah.

[332] I'm like, I took it all kind of long.

[333] I'm like, I'd be glad when you crack babies catch up.

[334] I'll be glad when y 'all catch up.

[335] We got to get this podcast to take off.

[336] Yes, yes, yes.

[337] You don't need a TV show these days.

[338] You don't.

[339] You just need that podcast to keep going.

[340] I know.

[341] I'm enjoying it, too.

[342] But you're perfect for it.

[343] Like, that's what we were talking about the comedy store.

[344] Last time I saw you.

[345] Four o 'clock in the morning.

[346] I was like, you got to.

[347] You have to.

[348] You're right.

[349] You're right.

[350] And I really like it too.

[351] I knew you.

[352] I was like, it doesn't make any sense that you don't have one.

[353] Yep.

[354] And I mean, I'm enjoying it.

[355] 30 minutes.

[356] They go, oh, Ms. Pat give me more.

[357] I'm like, excuse me, I'm sitting here with no wig on, no bro.

[358] I ain't took no bath.

[359] And Chris might be smelling me after 35 minutes.

[360] This is all you going to get.

[361] Plus, you know, he come over at four, three o 'clock.

[362] And then my baby's coming to door at four o 'clock.

[363] So I'm going to sit your ass down.

[364] I'm screaming and holl and I've got to go fix food.

[365] And I got a life.

[366] I'm married.

[367] I can't sit down for, you know, all day.

[368] 30 minutes is fine.

[369] And I like it.

[370] As long as you're consistent, that's the whole thing.

[371] It's like be consistent.

[372] Don't take weeks off.

[373] Like when people take like four weeks off, five weeks off, people forget.

[374] And then they're not interested in your podcast anymore.

[375] But if you just consist it and just keep doing it, people get, it becomes a part of their routine.

[376] And then they tell people, you got to listen to Miss Path's podcast.

[377] And next see, no, by word of mouth, it just spreads.

[378] Yeah.

[379] And I mean, we have so many episodes in the bank.

[380] How many do you have?

[381] I think we got probably 20 in the bag.

[382] Yeah, they wasn't as good as the ones that I put out regular, but, you know, when I first started, I was kind of shy, and I was like, oh.

[383] What?

[384] You?

[385] I'm Southern.

[386] You know, look how many times you have to say, what the fuck did you just say this back?

[387] But you're not shy.

[388] I was kind of shy in the beginning.

[389] That's the last word I would ever use for you.

[390] I fight, but I'm kind of shy, Joe.

[391] I mean, you know, because I'm contrary, and people are like, what the fuck did you say?

[392] I actually talked about you on my first one So when I first did your podcast It was this story out That Joe Rogan is a badass And he choked out a mountain line And I was like I don't want to go talk to no white man And choked out a fucking mountain line That's a made up story I know but I didn't know at first And I was so scared Joe You thought it was a mountain lion killer Like I was out there choking lions I'm used to black people doing drive by But I ain't used to white people Just choking out of mountain line So I'm trying to figure how the fuck he'd get up on the mountain line And he got them How do a white fan sneak up on a mountain line From behind and choke the shit out of him He gotta be strong as fuck So I kept digging And I realized his story wasn't real I didn't want to talk to no white dude To choked out of the mountain line Then I started You know I see you with that big old weight and shit That big on horse head well I know he killed that fucking mountain line It took a while for me to realize It took about a month before I realized the story wasn't real.

[393] My own sister didn't think, my own sister thought it was real.

[394] Really?

[395] She texted me. She goes, you really choke out a mountain line?

[396] I'm like, the fuck is wrong with you.

[397] You're a badass.

[398] You're a badass.

[399] I mean, only you can sneak up on a mountain line and choke the shit out of it.

[400] I don't think so.

[401] Well.

[402] I run with a knife.

[403] When I run, I carry a knife with me just in case.

[404] Because there's mountain lines in my community.

[405] Really?

[406] Yeah, yeah.

[407] They've seen them.

[408] Yeah, and I run with my dog.

[409] If the mountain lion tries to jack me or my dog, I want to have something on me. So if he jack your dog, you're going to stab him?

[410] Fuck yeah.

[411] You know, I was just telling the story about my, you know, I'm from the South, right?

[412] So back in the day, and don't get offended, people, but, you know, dog fighting is big in the South.

[413] So we didn't fight like, no danger shit.

[414] We just put some Nailators on the ground.

[415] Whoever dog gets the best they win the Nailator.

[416] Well, my dog was named Pup Pup.

[417] Now or later?

[418] You mean like Candy?

[419] Now and Laders.

[420] The candy, yeah.

[421] The candy.

[422] So you have the dogs fight over candy?

[423] Yeah.

[424] Oh, shit.

[425] Me and my dog used to split the candy whatever we went.

[426] Let's all get some candy if it wins.

[427] Well, black dogs used to eat anything back then.

[428] Oh, my God.

[429] Collard, green pig, whatever black people didn't buy dog food.

[430] So we would, me and my dog will fight a lot.

[431] But if you got the best of my dog, I would jump in and whip your dog ass because you was not going to whip my old last German Shepherd out.

[432] Now, don't be calling in me talking about I'm abusive to dog because I don't own no fucking dogs.

[433] I got four crack babies.

[434] And I don't have animal this was back in the day and i was a little girl but that's what we used to do it is a big thing in the south period i knew a guy uh who had 30 pit bulls in his backyard he had these boxes like that he the dogs lived in these little dog houses and they were chained to a post and they were in his yard and i didn't see it my friend was telling me about it but i knew the guy and yeah he lived down he lived in kentucky yeah he lived in kentucky and um they fought dogs We only did.

[435] It was just kids.

[436] We only like, whoever dog get the best of whoever dog.

[437] That's the winning now.

[438] So if I thought Pup, Puck were about to go down on his back, I would jump in and put your dog in a choke hole because I like wrestling.

[439] With dogs?

[440] Yeah.

[441] I was ficking for the shit out of your dog.

[442] I was not losing them now later, Joe.

[443] We didn't eat a lot.

[444] I couldn't lose my only meal that day.

[445] Your only meal was Naur later?

[446] Some days, and me and Pupp up was set on the side wall.

[447] We'll be like, we whipped his head.

[448] They would put up, and we'll split the now later.

[449] Wow.

[450] There's a lot of people right now.

[451] Listen, like, is this lady for real?

[452] And I can assure them that you are.

[453] I'm for real, y 'all.

[454] You've had a crazy fucking life, you know?

[455] I mean, there's so many people that are insulated from the kind of life that you've had.

[456] They don't know anybody like you, you know?

[457] Oh, I'm realizing that Chris, my producer.

[458] I scared a shit out of him.

[459] He's like, why are you yelling at me?

[460] I'm like, Chris.

[461] I'm not yelling.

[462] You're knowing a black woman to yell.

[463] When she's going to twisting her neck and taking off her wig and unbuckling her bra, I'm yelling.

[464] I'm just talking my voice I have a deep voice and it carries You know what's crazy Because like I say he's a little white kid From Indianapolis And so I'm talking on a podcast And I'm teaching them about black pussy incense You ever heard of that?

[465] Black pussy incense?

[466] Yeah you know that you burn The black people use a burn in their house I know about incense But I used to be called black pussy He swore me down it wasn't real So we put out the podcast Everybody was like My mama say black pussy is It was the best scent out there Joe Oh okay you look like what did it smell like I like incense yeah that was the name of and I told him about him he's like what are you talking about I'm like I'm telling you black pussy incense everybody listen to R. Kelly and burnt black pussy incense on a Saturday morning clean their house everybody listen to R. Kelly and burnt black pussy incense holy shit Jesus so every week I'm teaching him something that he has never heard of What do you think about all this R. Kelly shit?

[467] I think you did it, Joe.

[468] I mean, but people just looked away.

[469] You know, I tell a bit on stage.

[470] I say something about a big dick man, big dick black man that can't read.

[471] They puts it down.

[472] They have all the women.

[473] I can't read.

[474] They put it down.

[475] My first kid's father couldn't read.

[476] When they ain't got no side teeth and they can't read, they got the best sex because they practice all the time.

[477] Black men who can't read don't have sex like black men who got a 9 to 5 who can read.

[478] The sex is totally different.

[479] Because they're not tired.

[480] Because they practice.

[481] All they do is practice on women.

[482] I mean, my husband got to go to work, Joe.

[483] He ain't got tired of be flipping me over, slapping me across the head.

[484] He ain't got time for all that ghetto love.

[485] I'm crying.

[486] He ain't got time of all that girl on love.

[487] But when you got a brother that can't read and don't work the best sex.

[488] Now he ain't going to go to work but he's going to watch the young and the rest of him and the housewife of Atlanta.

[489] But when you know when he get back that dick is laying on that pillow for you.

[490] Jesus Christ.

[491] I know what Whitney Houston went through.

[492] Everybody like, Bobby ain't for Whitney.

[493] I was like, that's a dick Bobby putting down.

[494] And you know he had to work even harder because he had more money than him.

[495] Yeah, that's true Something had a meme they put up on the Instagram The other day of how every dude Whose girlfriend is paying for everything stands And it's like a guy standing with his arm Deep around the girl Like deep around holding onto her Well, they're waiting in line for things Baby, in public always baby Holding a hand, you can't get my husband To hold my hand You know why because you pay the mortgage I said, I call home yesterday I say, I love you, he said Thank you, I'm in the bed I was on the phone My friend one day So I said Listen to my husband My husband's funny as fuck And so I said Hey I said baby You want some pussy He said Not at all Ha ha Not at all My friend said Did he say Not at all And I said guess what He's snowing already He's snowing already We have that type of relationship I said Hey, I'm going to need you to fuck me on the 14 because I think I'm Avalating.

[496] I need to get some stuff out of my chest.

[497] Oh, my God.

[498] He said, not at all, Joe.

[499] We bought a sleep number bed.

[500] And he was like, because his knee was messed up by the sleep number bed.

[501] I'm going to put it out every night.

[502] I'm like, fuck yeah.

[503] So I had just got to deal with Fox for my TV show.

[504] So I walk in there.

[505] I walk in the damn sleep number like a real Negro when they get some money.

[506] Give me the best fucking bad you want because I'm going to fuck every night.

[507] They sold me a $13 ,000 sleep number.

[508] bad, but I should have known he wasn't going to do shit because he was his sister on getting the metric that split down the middle.

[509] You know, the two matches are separate.

[510] That shit split down the metal.

[511] And now, every time I want to have to say, I got to tap my, hey, you want to come to America and get some pussy?

[512] Come to America.

[513] Who's got the harder side?

[514] He do?

[515] He's like, I ain't fucking with you on that mattress.

[516] He's too soft on that.

[517] Come over here.

[518] And then then we don't gave up.

[519] We just fuck in the middle.

[520] And by the time we get milk through, the fucking mattresses don't fell out of the bed Because we're in the middle of the whole lap And half of the time just chips and shit Just stuck in the middle of the bed The remote, my wig, everything sits in the middle of the bed Oh my God As soon as I get my TV show I won't buy me a matcher that put us back to fucking gala Yeah, I didn't like that sleep number bed I tried that thing out.

[521] I was too confusing I didn't like it He loves it, Joe Every time I come home He got his feet in the air Like he had a Ghana college's visit Oh, it's one of those deals Yeah And it heats up I'm like This mattress is only good For heating your balls We could have got you A blow dry you Hitting your balls up They sell mattresses now That cool you Mark Sisson was I was telling about that before Yeah I'm when I get one That seems awesome Yeah Sisson was just telling me about that I'm going through Menopause I might need to get that through I'm being heating up Joe And heat Oh, my teeth.

[522] I'm like, I'm having a hot flash now, and I don't want to drop my titties on your table.

[523] But, boy, I don't feel it, Joe.

[524] When you got to turn it up for you.

[525] AC can't stop no high flash.

[526] It's like five minutes.

[527] I'm heating up now, but, yeah.

[528] And it goes away?

[529] Yeah, it goes away.

[530] What does that cause by?

[531] I don't know.

[532] You got to ask Mary.

[533] I don't know what Mary did in the beginning.

[534] Was Mary with Jesus?

[535] Yeah, no, Mary with Jesus.

[536] Wasn't that Jesus' mama?

[537] I don't read the Bible.

[538] Who do you mean?

[539] Mary.

[540] Mary, but who do you mean when you're saying Mary?

[541] You got to ask Mary.

[542] No, I'm sorry.

[543] I'm talking about Eve.

[544] The lady who started the period.

[545] I'm sorry.

[546] I get the, oh, that bitch.

[547] Yeah, she fucked everything up.

[548] Yeah, just.

[549] Listen to that talking snake.

[550] Yeah, that talking snake.

[551] I mean, them cramps ain't no joke.

[552] And now I'm having a high flesger all because this bitch be an apple.

[553] God, can you give me an opportunity to bite an apple?

[554] I won't bite the apple.

[555] Take the hot flashes away.

[556] I'd be on a plane.

[557] My titty heat up and white men next to me don't understand why I got my titty in my lap.

[558] I'm sorry.

[559] Myself all.

[560] Counting yourself off?

[561] Yes, yes, yes.

[562] So it comes and goes?

[563] Like, how, it lasts five minutes and then it'll be back to normal?

[564] And then it'll go back to normal.

[565] Like, I'm cooling down now.

[566] So, like, out of nowhere, you just get hot.

[567] Yeah, and it hits you in different places.

[568] Like, mine is good between my tithes on my neck.

[569] Some people's up under their arms, you know.

[570] So a spot?

[571] Like, one spot will get hot?

[572] My teeth hit me right here in my titty.

[573] My tithes heat up.

[574] Like, if you touch them down, about 95 degrees.

[575] Don't touch them because you're married.

[576] But I'm just saying I don't want you burn your fingers.

[577] Here goes, more than two -thirds of North American women who are headed into menopause have hot flashes.

[578] They also affect women who start menopause after chemotherapy or surgery to move their ovaries.

[579] I didn't say anything on why it's North American.

[580] That's what I was wondering.

[581] It says, what is a hot flash?

[582] It's a sudden feeling of heat, sometimes a red, flush face, and sweating.

[583] We don't know exactly what causes them, but they may be related to changes in circulation.

[584] I guarantee you if they happen to men, they'd know exactly what caused them.

[585] Oh, they'll fix that shit.

[586] They figure it out.

[587] Oh, yeah, they'll fix that joke.

[588] If they can fix a soft penis, yeah, yeah, they'll fix a man dick, but we can't do nothing with all body.

[589] Exactly.

[590] Stop fixing soft dicks and everything else will be solved.

[591] No. That, I don't think that would work.

[592] They already fixed that.

[593] So they can't say stop fixing soft dicks.

[594] They'd have to unlearn.

[595] They'd have to unlearn Viagra.

[596] Look, just let the man dick do what it do.

[597] When it die, let it die.

[598] Then that's at the point where the lady needs to know, she need to put some cocoa butt up on hip, it's slide across its thigh.

[599] I don't think that's going to help either.

[600] When it's over, it's over, right?

[601] I guess, yeah.

[602] People, like, think that they would be happy when it's over.

[603] Like, good, finally.

[604] Women are happy when their peers don't come on no more.

[605] Why can't men be happy when their penis don't work?

[606] Because for men, like, your dick not working is a sign of, you're not a man anymore.

[607] Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[608] Yeah, you feel like you're not a man anymore.

[609] Oh, really?

[610] Yeah.

[611] So I don't feel like I'm not a woman anymore with my parents stop.

[612] We'd be happy.

[613] Yeah, but it's different.

[614] If your pussy's dried up and became useless, like sealed up, like nothing.

[615] You know, like maybe you meet a man. Maybe you and your husband get divorced.

[616] You met a man. He's beautiful.

[617] You can't read.

[618] So he's got good dick.

[619] And he's going to put it in and flakes fall off?

[620] And it's just a mess down there.

[621] Yeah.

[622] You know what I'm saying?

[623] Joe, I'm black.

[624] It grows real thick.

[625] So it's always a mess down now.

[626] It grew up real thick.

[627] Yeah, I call it Nappy Grit.

[628] Well, I got a Jackson 5 afro.

[629] So, well, I mean, for some women, it matters, but I guess because I started really early, I don't want no dick.

[630] I want health care.

[631] I don't want no dick.

[632] You ain't got to do that to me. Just take me on a trip.

[633] But for men, though, it's like a sign of weakness.

[634] Yeah, it's a weakness thing.

[635] Yeah.

[636] Yeah, you don't feel like a man anymore.

[637] But if you love that.

[638] person i think you ready are you willing to to deal with the softness yeah especially if you don't want any dick yeah but if you want dick and his dick you put ice cream you put ice cream sticks around it oh like a brace like someone with a broken leg like you you break your leg in the forest and they have to fucking strap it to some twigs what else what they was doing before viagara came along i don't know what they were doing You're thinking of made a freezer?

[639] They would do all...

[640] That's why they kill rhinos, you know.

[641] Rhino horn?

[642] They think rhino horn gets your dick hard.

[643] Really?

[644] It doesn't do shit.

[645] Do you eat it?

[646] I guess they make a tea out of it.

[647] Oh, really?

[648] It doesn't even work.

[649] But guys have been taking rhino horn forever to try to get their dick hard.

[650] And so much so that it's now that it's forbidden and it's expensive because it's forbidden.

[651] It's like a sign of luxury.

[652] Like you're drinking rhino horn tea.

[653] It's a big thing in apparently some Asian countries.

[654] Like with really wealthy people.

[655] They don't even have dicks in Asian.

[656] They don't?

[657] I mean, I heard they were small.

[658] You heard?

[659] Well, I have a girlfriend that got six Asian babies, right?

[660] But she don't have any scratch mars.

[661] From the babies?

[662] You know, most women get stretch marks.

[663] Right, but I don't think that has to do with dick.

[664] But I'm saying, Asian men make small babies.

[665] So I'm just assuming.

[666] Well, what would have been it's like, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

[667] Who's the basketball player?

[668] What's the giant dude?

[669] Yeah, Yao Ming, yeah.

[670] What about that guy?

[671] Even if he has a normal -sized dick.

[672] He ain't got no dick.

[673] He's too tall.

[674] He ain't got no dick.

[675] He's too tall.

[676] I guarantee you he pissed on the top of his pants.

[677] It's a way a man. Well, LeBron James is tall too.

[678] He got a lot of dick.

[679] I saw that dick on TV that day.

[680] I bet.

[681] Oh, my God.

[682] When he went to go scratch, I was like, I'm not into a young dick like that, but that was nice.

[683] And I just...

[684] I tell you somebody else who got a nice Nick and Minaj ex -boyfriend Safari Yeah He broke the internet with it He broke the internet with his dick Oh my God He had a curve in it Joe It could fucking lip It could probably lift a weight In this fucking weight room in here It was so big It couldn't even fit on an iPhone It was only iPad action I was sending it to everybody Bitch look You blessed today You're blessed Oh my God And he made a little five -minute video, and that thing was swinging like the American flag on top of a building.

[685] Wow.

[686] It was nice.

[687] Oh, my stomach done once I finish losing weight.

[688] Don't do it.

[689] Why?

[690] I want my titties lifted.

[691] You don't know my tithes, Joe.

[692] Just kidding.

[693] Getting put under is what I worry about.

[694] Well, shit.

[695] I mean, I want my titty lifted.

[696] I understand.

[697] It's hard when you got big titties and they're all in your lap and shit when your bra come off.

[698] Do you want your wife to walk out of the shower with her titty look like they've been in a drive -by?

[699] I feel you.

[700] I understand what you're saying.

[701] Yeah, so I want my titty's lifted.

[702] I want my, just my stomach done.

[703] I want you to stay alive, Ms. Pat.

[704] I'm going to stay alive.

[705] I love you.

[706] I love you, too.

[707] I'm going to give me a rejuvenation, too.

[708] Don't do it.

[709] Don't do it.

[710] Don't get it tightened up.

[711] I thought you said he don't even want any more, Dick.

[712] Why are you getting it tightened up?

[713] I'm going through painting lines like pamples.

[714] Oh, my God.

[715] But will rejuvenation fix that?

[716] I don't know, but I got a leak that a poem can't fix, Joe.

[717] Oh, no. What is exactly leaking?

[718] What's happening in there?

[719] Just coughing.

[720] Oh, chew.

[721] I'm wet.

[722] He's my friend, y 'all.

[723] That's all the reason I can tell him.

[724] I'd be pissing on myself.

[725] That's all right.

[726] I mean, I don't want no. I don't want to know Kim Kardashian and my nose and I. I'm okay with my black nose.

[727] I don't need a beautiful nose.

[728] Thank you.

[729] I don't want my cheeks pull back.

[730] Don't do anything like that.

[731] Joe, I would like to get my stomach done so I can see my vagina.

[732] It's been a long time.

[733] We've been disconnected for a long time.

[734] Have you ever gone on a diet?

[735] Yeah.

[736] Didn't like it.

[737] Is the way he said it?

[738] I had weight growing surgery.

[739] It lost a hundred pounds and it just stopped.

[740] So I called a doctor, man, it's like, it stopped.

[741] And he was like, oh, you got to go to the gym.

[742] I'm like, no. So you lost 100 pounds just dieting?

[743] No, I had weight loss surgery about two years ago.

[744] No, when I first came out, was real juicy.

[745] I was almost 400 pounds.

[746] Real juicy?

[747] So you had the stomach staple thing?

[748] No, I had my stomach cut.

[749] Yeah.

[750] Yeah, it was, it was, it was easy as hell.

[751] Really?

[752] Yeah, I was, I was almost read at four.

[753] Wow.

[754] And I lost like, so you lost 100 pounds and then they told you go to the gym and you're like, fuck you.

[755] Well, I'm just so busy.

[756] There's no fucking excuse.

[757] I mean.

[758] Why don't you get a trainer?

[759] That could be another podcast.

[760] You complaining at the gym, that shit would be hilarious.

[761] Yeah, I would be complaining.

[762] That would be hilarious.

[763] You want to hear something crazy?

[764] My kids are fat, because you live the parents is fat.

[765] The kids are fat.

[766] My son was 410 pounds.

[767] and living this white neighborhood and he couldn't get no pussy and he literally went on a diet Joe, when I tell you this boy is 220 pounds and every night when we go to bed he go in the pantry and throw away the junk and I said you got one more time throw away my motherfucker food and all he's like y 'all can't eat there he read everything he just go to the gym he was fat as fuck that's amazing tities his tities gone his stomach flat every day what does he do what kind of exercise I don't know I can call him his name Junebug Junebug Yeah, not his real name.

[768] But that's his nickname.

[769] Yeah, nickname.

[770] So he's just a gym addict.

[771] He's into it now.

[772] He's a fucking gym addict.

[773] And he's beautiful.

[774] He's like, I'm going to make this whole family lose weight.

[775] I said, not today, bitch.

[776] Chow ass out of you.

[777] Why don't you do a podcast with him?

[778] Junebug and Mama at the gym.

[779] Oh, God.

[780] Do you know how funny a video of you at the gym would be?

[781] Just you complaining and talking shit while someone gets you to work out?

[782] That would be goddamn hilarious.

[783] Junebug, we're going to do a podcast, but he's going to try to kill me, Joe.

[784] But if you just listen to him and did it and did a video, I guarantee you that would get a shitload of views.

[785] Okay, well, me and Junebug, Junema, you're going to help my, well, actually, I'm getting ready to move to L .A. for the pilot of my show.

[786] You're going to move here?

[787] I'm going to move here for a little bit.

[788] For how long?

[789] Well, we're going to shoot the pilot.

[790] So if the pilot get picked up at Hulu, so I'd be here doing the shooting, and then I'm going to go back home.

[791] I can't take all these nice titties running around here.

[792] So I'm going to bring Junebug out with me. me to train by you start to start filming videos you ought to see him like he had big titties like minds they're gone beautiful I love it I love stories like that and how he just did it I know what it was he couldn't get late well that'll be a motivator yeah and I asked him I said son be honest because he told me he said mama because I mean I'm doing a little bit now I probably lost like 15 pounds since I've been dealing with jumbo he said mama but when you lose weight when you start to lose weight he just text me when he said do you come on your period what do you mean I'm your fucking mama He's like, who you mean?

[793] I want to be in the room while these conversations are happening.

[794] I said, why are you asking me that?

[795] He said, because when I help you lose weight, your period going to come back.

[796] I said, my fucking period is not going to come back.

[797] What is your son of doctor?

[798] I don't know.

[799] He just read all the time.

[800] Joe, I lost like 12 pounds in my period came back.

[801] I said, bitch, my period came back.

[802] He was like, I know, Mama, you stopped up from all the fat.

[803] I said, I don't think it worked like that.

[804] Just stopped up.

[805] Jesus Christ, I just got a visual Stopped up Like the London subway He told me I was stopped up Joe But my cycle came back I'm like what the fuck you do to me My period came back He's like mama the more I work with the more you're going to flow Whoa The more he's right That's what's crazy So he just reads a lot about fitness and health He's I'm telling you Joe How old is he?

[806] He's 19 And what is he doing?

[807] He works He works at Enterprise.

[808] He should get together with you.

[809] Fuck Enterprise.

[810] Just you two together working out, making YouTube videos.

[811] It would be huge.

[812] Yeah, especially if I can get on like him.

[813] He's like, Mama, I'm going to get you in shape.

[814] And my daughter is on a plus size, too.

[815] He's like, I'm whipping all y 'all asses in his shape.

[816] All because he just popped up and said, I'm sick of being fat.

[817] That's awesome.

[818] He said he was sick of being fat.

[819] My baby, if you go to my Instagram, he's on there.

[820] He's 2 .20 now.

[821] I'm like, Junebug, stop.

[822] He's like, no. Wow.

[823] I mean, he got a chest joe, stomach flat.

[824] He looks good.

[825] And I asked him, I said, son, did your dick get bigger?

[826] Because I remember being really small.

[827] Oh, Jesus.

[828] He's like, it's better, mama.

[829] It's better.

[830] Oh, my God.

[831] When you're fat, your dick gets smaller?

[832] Hell yeah.

[833] That bitch go up in your stomach.

[834] Your neighbor will be.

[835] become your dick when you're real fat joe oh my god you should do that like look i talked to you into doing a podcast i'm going to talk you to doing this you have to okay junebug i know you're gonna see this me junebug please you and your mom at the gym it'll be gigantic i'll help you i'll promote it i'll put it up on twitter and instagram please do this joe he gonna kill me be great you go i got to go in that what it depends on imagine if he gets you in crazy shape Imagine if you get to like bikini shape.

[836] Seriously.

[837] I ain't been like that since the third grade.

[838] I need a bikini shape.

[839] I'm telling you, Joe.

[840] Imagine if he could do that, though?

[841] Imagine if he does that.

[842] Joe, you don't know how happy I would be if I could just look straight down and see shit.

[843] A lot of times the food that you crave is the food that you eat.

[844] So if you eat food that's not healthy for it, that's what you're craving all the time.

[845] Your stomach gets used to it.

[846] What they call your gut biome, your stomach bacteria wants sugar.

[847] and bread and pasta.

[848] As soon as you start eating healthy food, your body starts craving healthy food.

[849] Your body will start craving salads and lean meat and chicken and fish.

[850] And you know what else?

[851] We don't drink water, but I do now.

[852] He makes me drink water.

[853] He literally call me, Mama, because I can do one liter a day.

[854] I'm up to one liter.

[855] That's a no cup.

[856] What do you drink besides water?

[857] I drink coffee in the morning and after that, no more coffee.

[858] I have to have one cup.

[859] Coffee's fine.

[860] Yeah, I do put sugar and cream in.

[861] I got four crack.

[862] baby.

[863] I need something calm.

[864] I understand.

[865] So I told my son, I can't give up my coffee right now.

[866] So I drink coffee only in the morning.

[867] And then I drink all day.

[868] I work on a liter of water.

[869] And he literally go through the house and tell us what we can and can't eat.

[870] Which is, I mean, want to punch him in the face.

[871] But I am losing a few pounds with him.

[872] Like, you know, I got these backweem arms like grandmama.

[873] And he's like, Mama, I'm going to get all of that off of you.

[874] Because he had fat arms too and big titties.

[875] I mean, he lost all of it.

[876] And I'm so proud of him You could do it too Yeah because I told him I said look You 19 you're on the insurance of 26 They would give you weight loss surgery And he's like I don't want that I said son go get the weight loss surgery Then I get your tithes taking off And your stomach took He's like mama that don't sound like no manly thing Because I had it all playing out I was going to get his tummy tuck And his titty's cut off And then I was going to get him weight loss surgery And my fat daughter She's fat and I said I'm going to get your tummy tuck I'm going to get your stomach cut And then I'm going to buy you an ass Because she has no ass So, and then I told my husband, he don't have no ass.

[877] I was going to buy him my ass, too.

[878] Jesus Christ.

[879] You're buying everybody asses.

[880] You know, people are getting cancer from that.

[881] Asses?

[882] Yeah.

[883] Not when they take the fat from you.

[884] No, not when they take the fat.

[885] We got a lot of fat.

[886] They're getting cancer from the implants.

[887] What, tities?

[888] Ass implants.

[889] Oh, I ain't going to do no ass inflats.

[890] You didn't see my ass?

[891] I got big ass.

[892] You do.

[893] There's no issue.

[894] But some people who get ass implants, they're starting to get cancer.

[895] Oh, really?

[896] Because those ass implants are only a few years old.

[897] You know what I don't understand?

[898] I'm from the interstate of Atlanta.

[899] When we was coming up, Joe, if you wanted titties and ass, they had this thing going on, and I did a podcast on it.

[900] I said, we didn't, people, black people didn't know what plastic surgery was.

[901] So the deal was you take that government butter and you rub it on your tithies and your ass, and they said it'll make it grow.

[902] What?

[903] Yeah.

[904] I'm not lying to you.

[905] That's what we used to do back in the day.

[906] Did it work?

[907] Look at me. Yeah, but look at me. I don't think it's from the butter.

[908] Every better I know we're a butt on the ass You don't know that government butter That shit won't melt up on the hot water Joe It won't That's that shit They sit to the ghetto to kill everybody Joe I gotta tell you this story So once I was in the tub And my neighbor was like Just put the butter on your titty and your ass We put the butter all on my mama's Because she said No you bitches ain't got my butt on y 'all You know that shit got a last me 28 more day She took that stinty car and she hit us and that motherfucker stuck in that butter.

[909] She gave us one of them wooden food.

[910] She said, scrape my shit off you bitches.

[911] We're not scraping her butter all off us.

[912] She put that shit back in the refrigerator and she beat these shit out of them.

[913] Oh, my God.

[914] She scraped the butter off your tits and put it back in the fridge.

[915] We were poor.

[916] We couldn't waste all that good butter, Joe.

[917] Oh, my God.

[918] That is hilarious.

[919] She beat the shit out of us playing in her butter.

[920] Imagine butter really did that.

[921] All you do to do to get big tits and a big ass just grow.

[922] I've had tithes since the fourth grade, so that's when I did it like it.

[923] I think you just have good genetics.

[924] No, Joe, my mama doesn't have no titties.

[925] Yeah, but sometimes it doesn't get your mom, but it goes to you.

[926] Joe, I'm trying to sell this government butter to keep these women.

[927] Don't do that education and shit, Joe.

[928] Don't break it all the way down for the lady.

[929] Let them try to butter before they try the poison.

[930] Okay.

[931] So go out and get you some good old government butter that won't melt and just sit on it.

[932] Like a fucking A bird trying to hatch your egg Just sit on it Yeah Just rub it all on your booty and stuff And they just have a seat on it And hopefully it'll make your booties and tities grow Imagine if it did work Imagine what that worked There's a lot of questions on Yahoo People asking that Does butter make your butt bigger And then I found a product on Amazon Called butt butter Butt butter Y 'all be thinking of that.

[933] Cream for smoother, fuller and firmer skin.

[934] I don't know if that's what I had When I was coming up Natural butt Enhancement Cream for Women and Men Plump Booty Enhanceer Lotion Butt Firming and Tightening Cream Sexy Butt Was it?

[935] Hold on I'm sorry It was sexy butt Lifter Cream But larger cream This is horseshit It's most likely It's got four stars Somebody grew an ass from it Nah It's a bunch of people That are assholes That work for the company They're reviewing it 3164 custom reviews Hold on Click that.

[936] I need to read these.

[937] You're a good one or a bad one?

[938] The good ones.

[939] Adding to my flat booty, my family, in my family, I inherited flat butt syndrome.

[940] It's embarrassing.

[941] It's embarrassing.

[942] Have your butt hurt because you have no padding when you sit and have no pants fall, have your pants fall because there's nothing in the back to hold them up.

[943] after week I deaf notice something extra in the back I'll keep using That's the people that you want To buy your butt cream because they're morons That's like people that give money to preachers That fly in private jets Yeah I think and that's crazy That don't work but I'm telling you Government bought a work Joe I'm telling you Look at this Who would have known it works faster On your breast than on your butt But it's work Buying more This is not real It is real look at me I'm a 40 -8 I can chew with the glasses yelling at me I can't see shit Joe I can't see shit It's hilarious though When you're yelling with those giant glasses It's so funny Oh my God But listen These fucking The people that are writing these reviews Not only does it works That's it works Not only does it works It increased my breast size They probably should change the name To breast and butt enhancement butter I know it for the butt, I know it for the butt, so I figured, let me see, will it do anything for my breast since it's, in quotes, all natural?

[944] So I did so.

[945] Within a week, my breast was fuller.

[946] Last time I seen them this size was right before it was time to breastfeed, and my baby is now nine years old.

[947] This is crazy.

[948] So imagine what we was doing in the ghetto.

[949] I'm telling you, that thick -ass butter, I'm telling It does work.

[950] Watch how many people who know what I'm talking about from the South say, Joe, we did that.

[951] And it worked.

[952] I assume I grew titties and butt.

[953] Well, you should have done it on one titty.

[954] Didn't it?

[955] What?

[956] Just to see.

[957] No, Joe, I wanted them to be easy.

[958] I know, but there's only one way to find out if it actually works.

[959] One cheek, one tit.

[960] You balance it out.

[961] Left cheek, right tit.

[962] Well, I'm going to find that butt butter and rub it on my crack baby.

[963] One of her tits and see if they grow on even.

[964] Just don't even tell them what you're doing.

[965] Just put it on one tit.

[966] I'm going to have to get her to do it I don't think I feel appropriate How old is she now?

[967] She's nine Yeah, it's too late No, no she's When they're like four you can do it You have a five year I can test it on But she already got a big ass booty Oh well Yeah But I'm gonna get some of that And see if it worked My husband will kill me Imagine that was I don't know if it's true But I don't think it is It doesn't make sense But then again I'm not a scientist I'm telling you It's like that peanut butter That they used to send to the ghetto To choke Negroes out What did they do?

[968] I love you.

[969] Well, I love you too.

[970] What did they do?

[971] That peanut butter that they used to send to the government used to give black people peanut butter to choke them out because they didn't want to choke them out.

[972] They think that peanut butter.

[973] You had a heat in the mic, you're one of the microwave where you're heating on a store like you bought to cook a scrumble egg for it to thin out.

[974] So you can spread it on the sandwich.

[975] Really?

[976] Yeah.

[977] Then they found out later on they were going to kill us.

[978] It was like a, it was thick as fuck.

[979] It came in a can.

[980] The government peanut butter.

[981] Googling.

[982] There was some dude on Instagram who was in school, some kid in school, and they, you know, they feed him cheese sandwiches for lunch, and he was lighting the cheese sandwich.

[983] He was like, look at this cheese.

[984] Look at this shit.

[985] And he's lighting.

[986] He's got a lighter to it.

[987] It would not melt.

[988] It was just turning black.

[989] It was just getting black from the smoke from the lighter.

[990] It was not melting.

[991] It wasn't cheese.

[992] What the fuck kind of cheese is this?

[993] Yeah.

[994] It wasn't real cheese.

[995] There's this parts of America that the government ignores, right?

[996] Yeah, me. Yeah, yeah, you got through I got through You made it through the net Yeah But then they only come to you When they need your vote They only come to the Like black pastors They like black pastors You know, that's why I don't go to church I tell them all the time I tie that church's chicken You get more for your money Church's chicken's better Yeah $2 Tuesday I get you two pieces of chicken And a biscuit What you're talking about, Joe?

[997] But leave that Popeyes alone on Tuesday and go to churches.

[998] Yeah, but did they have the spicy?

[999] Yeah, they got spices now, yeah.

[1000] Mm -hmm, yeah.

[1001] That's the thing that pop -up.

[1002] I'm not, I'm not giving no pastor my money.

[1003] Good for you.

[1004] And ride not there.

[1005] I mean, hey, the bob is free.

[1006] They're in every hotel.

[1007] Just steal the bob out of the hotel like everybody else used to.

[1008] I'm not going to give you my money.

[1009] Then you are out here buying jets and shit and I'm struggling.

[1010] Then you fucking the holes in church.

[1011] You ain't even sharing the holes in church no more.

[1012] They're fucking the hos in church.

[1013] Oh, yeah, they beat some fuck you.

[1014] I don't know.

[1015] I don't go to church.

[1016] The holes go to church.

[1017] church with no underwear on to get the pastor no oh fuck the first lady they don't care nothing about the first lady no more really yeah the hose wear no underwear in church to lure the pastor yeah really you're they much the pastor's as sexy as fuck remember back in the day well you might not remember because you white but back in the day the pastor was ugly all the pastor were ugly like t d jakes they was unfuckable but now they're all sexy oh now they're all sexy.

[1018] I mean, everybody won't fuck the past.

[1019] You know, that's what they said when they made Catholic preachers become celibate.

[1020] One of the reasons why they made them become celibate is because the Catholic preachers were banging all the ladies.

[1021] Really?

[1022] Yeah, they were like rock stars.

[1023] Because they were the ones who had the Word of God.

[1024] And this was before anyone could read the Bible, because it was all in Latin.

[1025] So they didn't know how to read Latin.

[1026] So they relied on these priests to read it.

[1027] Look at Joe Orsteen.

[1028] Yes.

[1029] He's fuckable.

[1030] Oh, yeah.

[1031] I would imagine so.

[1032] He's good -looking.

[1033] Yeah.

[1034] Do you think you get some?

[1035] I'll give him some And not in Jesus' name either No one's name He's sexy Shit, I don't even do white men But I would do Joe Osteen In the pool pit Do you think he gets some?

[1036] He got a wife Yeah, but other than her Hell yeah Think he gets him on the side?

[1037] I'll be inside bitch No child Come fucking with me by Joe Osteen Hey I'll be inside bitch And I let him call me that too Wow Yeah you pay the bill Look at him Look at him he's cute Yeah And he ain't aged at all Look at that full hair A hell He's sexy He worked out How old do he is 50 I bet he does have a six pack Right Yeah he got a six pack And probably Was that his wife In the upper right hand corner Go back 56 Looks good for 56 For a white man Go back Is that his wife?

[1038] She's hot Yeah she has some plastic What's his call?

[1039] Let's say it's his wife.

[1040] Capow.

[1041] Yeah, he good -looking.

[1042] Take that, Joel.

[1043] Joe is good -looking.

[1044] He's got a goddamn arena.

[1045] Yeah, all the church has got a, they are the new drug dealers.

[1046] They're the new pimps.

[1047] Remember pimps had holes and they go on the corner and slap their holes and get their money?

[1048] Yeah.

[1049] Well, the church is like that now.

[1050] That's all it is.

[1051] He does it in Vegas at the same arena where the UFC plays.

[1052] I thought he was in Dallas.

[1053] He goes all over the place.

[1054] He goes on the road sometimes.

[1055] Oh, yeah.

[1056] They go on the road now.

[1057] I think he's in Houston or Dallas.

[1058] Somewhere in Texas.

[1059] Houston.

[1060] So he does that, but he also does, like, giant arenas on the road.

[1061] Like, he does the T -Mobile Center with a UFC place.

[1062] Look at that.

[1063] The size of that place.

[1064] No, you can keep that.

[1065] How many of those bitches in the audience have no underwear on?

[1066] Probably 60%.

[1067] I'm crazy.

[1068] Joe, I stopped going to church when they started charging for meals.

[1069] I don't know, no church.

[1070] Oh, my God, I can't breathe.

[1071] You ain't noticed that?

[1072] I didn't know that they were banging that many.

[1073] Go to church and smell the front row.

[1074] Well, this is this smell like an oyster bar?

[1075] Yeah.

[1076] It smelled like ovulation.

[1077] Obulation.

[1078] Yes.

[1079] They try to, hey, that's how you have a baby by a man like Joe Austin.

[1080] He can pay the child's poke on time.

[1081] Y 'all would imagine if you're the type of person that one that much money right you want that much money you want private jets you want big houses you're gonna want some extra pussy hell yeah yeah he gonna get tired of being the same plastic face white woman she look good yeah he's gonna get tired of her but he won't somebody like me with the titty that move on the inside move on the inside yeah you know i got the real titty so my shit go all over the place oh and hers are yeah they're just firm they're just one position up's great that's weird that people like that they like them hard and yeah i got them teet you gotta pick and dust off Slop my own No dust Because everything I'm falling My bra Oh God I like how I've Grossed you out I'm laughing You're gonna be at home Like law This bitch you I'm telling you Sometimes just The other podcast we've done I'd stop in the middle The day and go What the fuck?

[1082] Thinking about me?

[1083] Some of the shit Well mostly about The tragedies Mostly about your childhood It's funny now Joe It's just that I took You know, I say on stage, I said, when you can laugh at what you've been through, then you got control of it.

[1084] Yes.

[1085] The only reason why I can laugh about being shy.

[1086] And I even, my husband hate this bit I do.

[1087] I do a bit about my first kid's father, you know, giving me crabs gun around fleas.

[1088] I said, he gave me fleas?

[1089] He gave me a combo with no toy.

[1090] Fucking fleas.

[1091] I mean people get crabs I get it But when someone gives you fleas Like what the fuck But back in those days The health department Will come and pick you up And say hey you pussy on fire We need to put it out They pick you up Yeah they used to pick you up And a lot of the time How would they know Because he gave somebody else Crap gonna reflee So some bitch would report Everybody he was missing with And I was always on their list Oh Jesus So I was like how can you tell people I think it's funny That they used to come Get me and me and me And the health department man Had a relationship Now we weren't sleeping together.

[1092] He's just like, hey, your pussy was on the list again.

[1093] And my husband's like, how can you tell people that?

[1094] I said, I think it's fucking hilarious.

[1095] I don't have a STD now.

[1096] But I was young.

[1097] You know, it was a sip of shit, garnerie.

[1098] You got a shot in your ass.

[1099] And I remember they came one time, Joe.

[1100] And they knocked on the door and I said, oh, my God, you're here.

[1101] I thought you was going to let me burn up.

[1102] He was like, your pussy on the list.

[1103] I'm here to put it out.

[1104] So my Does that what he would say?

[1105] Would he actually say your pussy's on the list?

[1106] Pretty much.

[1107] He would call it your pussy.

[1108] He would say your pussy's on the list.

[1109] He said, your pussy has been reported again.

[1110] Your pussy's reported.

[1111] So my kid's father was there.

[1112] I was like, let's go together and get cured.

[1113] He's a, uh -uh, I don't want to go.

[1114] Somebody might see me. So this is what he told me, say, look, it was gone to rent.

[1115] When you have gone to run, you either get a shot or you take pills for seven days.

[1116] So he said, look, go on to the health department, but don't get the shot, get the pills so we can split them.

[1117] So I'm so stupid.

[1118] I come back and split the seven -day pills when we still both got half a gun -or -reel.

[1119] Jesus Christ.

[1120] Oh, my God.

[1121] We didn't take the medication all the way.

[1122] Oh, my God.

[1123] That's how stupid I was.

[1124] That is so crazy.

[1125] My husband's like, why can you tell people this shit?

[1126] And everybody always think he gave me gun around and shot me and beat me. Like, can you please tell these people?

[1127] I didn't do this shit to you.

[1128] How does he deal with you having this act?

[1129] Like when you go on stage and talk about all this shit, how does he handle it?

[1130] Does he cover his ears?

[1131] He never, he only seen me once.

[1132] What?

[1133] He won't come see me, Joe.

[1134] Come on.

[1135] He came to see me with Cat William accident when I was opening up for Cat Williams.

[1136] And, but that's the only time.

[1137] But he's got to know.

[1138] Oh, he knows.

[1139] Funny as fuck.

[1140] Like, how does he not want to see that?

[1141] He don't want to see it, Joe.

[1142] Well, come to the comedy store tonight because he's going to be there for the 1030 show.

[1143] Yeah, I am, but he's in Indianapolis.

[1144] He'll watch your fucking podcast and tell my daughter, oh, she was so.

[1145] fucking funny but he's not going to directly say to me you was so fucking funny but he's my biggest cheerleader i mean he's a point i mean you know i've been doing it 17 years you know how many times i had to max that man credit card out to go and do a guest spot so you know but he would not come see me he's like look i live with you i hear this shit every day but he gives me like he's funny to me like i told you say not today i want to put it today not at all yeah not at all He'd say some of the funniest shit But he's a I can't believe he's only seen you do comedy once though One time out of 17 years That's a good one though It's open for Kat Williams Are you still in touch with Kat?

[1146] No but I love Kat.

[1147] Can't nobody tell me shit about Cat William When my daddy died When my daddy died And I just got the job with Cat William He walked in now He was like what are you doing I said my daddy died Like two days before he called me on a tour And I said we're trying I'm just trying to get this money together Raising Cat William go to the bank come at with a stack of money he gave me like four grand to bury my dad and i was like you don't have to do this and i was like i'll work for he's like look no go bury your daddy because before he did that i was about to put my fucking dad in a potato sack and stick him in the ground because we had no money and i tried to do the fish fry in the black community i mean the white neighborhood they don't know nothing about no fucking fish fry on no tuesday and cat wouldn't gave me the money to bury him that's hot yeah so can't nobody tell me shit about cat will he's crazy but he's funny as fuck he's he's one of my favorite It's all of time.

[1148] And he tell the fucking truth, too.

[1149] If you go back to, like, the Pimp Chronicles is in his prime, those are some of the best specials ever.

[1150] Yes.

[1151] He's a funny motherfucker and he's so original.

[1152] So original.

[1153] Like, that is him.

[1154] You know what I mean?

[1155] Like his delivery, his style, everything.

[1156] I love him.

[1157] Can't nobody tell me shit about no Cat Williams.

[1158] I'm a fan of that dude.

[1159] Because of Cat William, I was able to finish my basement after that tour.

[1160] He gave me some, not gave me, but he gave some great advice once about comedy.

[1161] things he says don't eat before you go on stage and i was like yeah why would you you don't eat before you fight why would you eat before you go on stage why it causes your body your body when you eat has to break down that food so it's it's using up energy like some of the energy that you would have to do stand up is now breaking down that food in your body that's why i'm about to fall asleep on stage yes yes shit i got to stop eat just don't eat right before you go on stage just eat afterwards.

[1162] Okay.

[1163] Yeah.

[1164] I mean, I listen to him and I was like, that makes so much sense.

[1165] And also, he has a playlist of music that he plays right before he goes on stage, like sets it up.

[1166] He's like puts him in the mood to go on stage.

[1167] Yeah, I do that too.

[1168] I do that too.

[1169] I do that too.

[1170] I like a lot of I want to say Outcast, but that ain't what I'm going for.

[1171] Who to fucking rap out of list?

[1172] Carly B. Oh, that little nasty thing.

[1173] That's what I would be If I had a body like that.

[1174] Oh, my God.

[1175] That girl got a tongue that'll drag a flow.

[1176] She might, she's that person in my head that I want to be.

[1177] I listen to a lot of Carly B. I like her.

[1178] Maybe you can get that body.

[1179] Maybe Junebug.

[1180] Get you in that gym.

[1181] Get on that elliptical machine.

[1182] Come on.

[1183] Junebug, we're going to need you to help your mom out.

[1184] Come on, Junebug.

[1185] And stop your mom from peeing on herself.

[1186] Just, just change up the diet.

[1187] I'm working.

[1188] I swear.

[1189] Next time you see me, listen to your son.

[1190] I'm going to look like you.

[1191] If you, well, don't do that.

[1192] They don't go too hard.

[1193] I'll tell you to go to a different doctor.

[1194] I'm lying.

[1195] But if you did that, I'm telling you, if you did a video with your son and your son getting you to the gym and did that regularly on YouTube, June bug and Miss Pat, just do that.

[1196] That shit would be hilarious.

[1197] It would be so funny.

[1198] Because I, you know, I curse my keys out.

[1199] Well, especially when they're making you.

[1200] do shit that you don't want to do like working out like doing sit -ups and shit and squats and all that spread my legs wide that ain't never been used that away since the 80s?

[1201] Exactly.

[1202] Like you've got to rip my butthole.

[1203] Exactly.

[1204] Yeah.

[1205] June what we're doing it.

[1206] Do it.

[1207] Do it.

[1208] Definitely do it.

[1209] So do you bring like I bring like one of those MP3 no Bluetooth speaker things with me. You know I have like one of those JPL extremes.

[1210] I bring that with me and I put it in the green room You play music?

[1211] I don't usually listen to music on my head.

[1212] You're talking about before performing?

[1213] No, I listen to music on my headphone.

[1214] But you get yourself in the mood.

[1215] Do you have a drink before you go on stage?

[1216] I don't drink alcohol.

[1217] At all?

[1218] No. What about weed?

[1219] I don't do any weed.

[1220] No drug.

[1221] Nothing?

[1222] I grew up in a cracking vibe.

[1223] I understand.

[1224] I just don't, I mean, alcohol does nothing for me. It makes me sleepy.

[1225] And my mama wasn't an alcoholic.

[1226] And I used to always say, I'm going to be nothing like this bitch.

[1227] And so, so.

[1228] Mission accomplished.

[1229] Yeah.

[1230] So I don't do it.

[1231] My whole family drink, and I just don't do it.

[1232] Yeah.

[1233] I don't smoke weed.

[1234] I don't, you know, I was just telling them earlier, like, Junbuck tried to smoke weed one time.

[1235] And with his white friends, but they were so stupid, Joe.

[1236] They didn't know how to roll the weed.

[1237] So they got the, they got the, um, the copy of paper off the machine and rolled the weed in there.

[1238] Oh, God.

[1239] Yeah.

[1240] And Tommy lit it.

[1241] It just burnt.

[1242] All the wheat fell in his chest, and I beat the dog shit out of Junebug.

[1243] And I told him, I don't buy enough grocery for you to create an appetite.

[1244] You're already fucking fat.

[1245] Oh, my God.

[1246] And I just told my kids when they was young, I said, look, I told my son I killed.

[1247] I said, look, I get food stamps.

[1248] And I don't get enough food stamp for your weed habit.

[1249] So we're not going to do drugs.

[1250] We're not going to join gangs.

[1251] We're not going to do drugs.

[1252] It's us, motherfucker.

[1253] So we're not going to do it.

[1254] So, but Junebug is the only kid I ever had that really tried to dab into weed.

[1255] that's a weird way to do it though with copy paper which it's terrible for you they would go to the ghetto and buy the weed out of the way I live at they would go over to the ghetto so I said Jumuk how much you need how much weed you buy 1 .5 grams what the hell is that I don't know and I called the police on him I used to do what are you I did I call the police on to shake him up right and I you know called the police on yeah but I say hey we black so leave your guns in the car so come over here and shake my son up the police get over there.

[1256] The police and Junebug's son go to school together.

[1257] This motherfucker, come on there and start crying.

[1258] We love you, Junebug.

[1259] I said, I didn't call you over the fucking cry.

[1260] Now we all cry.

[1261] I was crying.

[1262] So, that didn't help.

[1263] But eventually, I think he's going to stop smoking now.

[1264] He's going to stop or start?

[1265] I think he stopped.

[1266] I ran off all his friends.

[1267] I told it, I said, look, your white son just lost his only black friend.

[1268] I'm going to fuck your white baby up.

[1269] Bring him back over here with the weed.

[1270] Then Jumbo, like, everybody at my school say you're a snitch.

[1271] I said, fuck him.

[1272] I whipped them white boys' ass.

[1273] You're a snitch.

[1274] Because I called all the parents over.

[1275] I called all the parents.

[1276] I said, they're over here smoking weed.

[1277] And looking at some little white girl pussy on the phone.

[1278] I said, Jumma, you black, you know how much time you're in it for this white pussy floating on these phones?

[1279] Oh, like a girl from the school?

[1280] Yeah.

[1281] Yeah, you can get in trouble for that.

[1282] So I put the, I put the, I chrome cast, the picture.

[1283] And I called all the parents saying, who white baby pussy's this?

[1284] Oh, my.

[1285] You put it on the TV.

[1286] Yeah, I put it on TV.

[1287] They was pissed off at me. Look, keep these bitches away from Junebug.

[1288] Junebug and Tim Gray.

[1289] This little dick is real, real small right now.

[1290] He's sad.

[1291] Trying to kill my baby.

[1292] You're trying to get my baby locked up for some white pussy.

[1293] Junebug, you don't fuck with white pussy.

[1294] You ain't got enough dick and you ain't got enough sense.

[1295] Oh, my God.

[1296] So you had the parents come over and you had it on the television.

[1297] I said, who white baby pussy did this in?

[1298] What the fuck did they say?

[1299] I can't believe you did this.

[1300] What the fuck you mean?

[1301] This was on their phone.

[1302] Your son looking at it too They stormed up out of there They stormed up out They wouldn't speak to me at no No, fuck out I don't need no friends Oh my God I said don't you ever In your life violate no girl She gave it to one of the football He just passed it around everybody Yeah and I said Junebug Think about it was your sister Garriana He's like mama Garyana ain't getting naked And if they did Can nobody see nothing Oh Jesus Yeah But that's just the stuff I went through He's the only one that ever really tried me Because my other kids You know I tell like I tell my crack baby I say look I'm gonna take y 'all out in public But you got an option Do you want the ghetto mom Or do you want the soccer mom And they don't like the ghetto mom Because the ghetto mom would knock the shit out of them In public And I give them an option And we get in public And white people always come to me Like oh my God Your kids are so well disciplined I said I told them I was gonna fuck him up What do they say when you said that?

[1303] They just look like what I said you should fuck your kids is up too I tell him I said I will fuck you up don't play with me I feed you when we was coming back from the Disney cruise they was all playing with those little things that separate you know when you're in line so I told them like three four times stop my grandbaby and it was the full crack baby so they wouldn't stop Joe I slapped all them at the same time and all the white people were like what the fuck I said what you're looking at me for you won't saw them too I asked them to stop by four times don't play with me you know my nerves bad I've been shot a couple of town y 'all motherfuck know i'm crazy and i just tell them that they're good kids the good kids now oh they know i fuck them up i have a lot of bits about them because like the just like i do this bit about i used to do this bit about the teacher's school calling me all the time white schools call you for anything anything joe i mean just dumb shit black schools we tell them look bitch that's your child of two 30 don't you wake me up so one of the bits i used to tell one of the bits i used to tell they called me by my niece yolanda because she was sitting at the crayon table with her little white friends and they're talking about their daddies.

[1304] So Yolanda said, well, the next time I see my daddy, I'm going to stab him in the neck.

[1305] And all the white kids started crying.

[1306] And they asked me to come up there in an emergency, to come up there, to talk to them.

[1307] I get up there, I'm like, ma 'am, she can't stab her daddy in the neck.

[1308] The nigga in jail, somebody else's going to stab him in the neck.

[1309] Don't wake me up for this bullshit.

[1310] So they don't know how to handle anything.

[1311] And I had to set the school down.

[1312] I said, look, these kids are from the hood.

[1313] They only talk and do what they know.

[1314] You got to give me time to help them.

[1315] grow.

[1316] But then they wanted to put them on medication.

[1317] I said, what we wouldn't.

[1318] Yeah, because they didn't know how to deal with them.

[1319] They had so, so much.

[1320] Like their mom was into horn, their dad was in drugs, the dad that was beating on the mom.

[1321] And they didn't know how to handle them.

[1322] And I said, look, we're going to help them grow together.

[1323] I said, well, what we're not going to do, we're not going to put these kids on medication.

[1324] What we're going to do is surround them with love.

[1325] They so good.

[1326] Now, out of five years, this baby is just now passing the I -step test.

[1327] It took a minute to get there, but he's finally there.

[1328] what's the i step those public those standardized tests they give kids and the kids just wasn't ready right and you know i threw them in his neighborhood i threw them in an environment that they wasn't used to and then you know they talk their language you see how country i am well they talk straight streets come sometimes like what the fuck are y 'all talking about we bowed about it no the fuck you ain't you get better set out if i bust you cross your head we bowdy bowdy bowdy yeah they're ready they ready to ramble they ready to fight the little boy i'm bowed about i said put your fucking finger down for I break it.

[1329] But I had to retrain him because what he saw in the hood, it wasn't going at my nice little white school.

[1330] Right.

[1331] No. Well, they're adapting.

[1332] Well, they're good now.

[1333] They're good now.

[1334] But imagine all the kids that don't, and you can imagine, because it was you, but all the kids who don't have someone like you.

[1335] Well, my niece is 20 years old, 21, six kids, and she in jail for 20 years for knocking on people door and robbing them.

[1336] So her kids is in a situation.

[1337] So just imagine all the kids.

[1338] I think about it all the time.

[1339] Especially when it's my family member.

[1340] But, Joe, I had to realize this.

[1341] I can't save the world.

[1342] You can't save everybody.

[1343] It's impossible.

[1344] I try to save one of the time, and that's all I can do.

[1345] That's all you can do.

[1346] Yeah.

[1347] It is all you can do.

[1348] I can't save the world.

[1349] I mean, I can't live if I keep trying to save the world.

[1350] No, well, you won't be able to do what you're doing that's helping people, too.

[1351] One of the things that you're doing that's helping people is you're making people laugh.

[1352] Yeah.

[1353] I mean, that helps a lot.

[1354] Yeah.

[1355] People fucking need that.

[1356] They need it so bad.

[1357] There's so many people right now with their headphones on in their cubicle laughing their ass off right now.

[1358] I hope so.

[1359] Fuck, yeah.

[1360] They need it.

[1361] Go listen to the pat down.

[1362] After Joe Roe.

[1363] They listen to that for sure.

[1364] They're going to subscribe, guarantee you.

[1365] I hope so.

[1366] 100%.

[1367] I mean, you know, I did a show last night at the Verger here in L .A. And a man came into me. He said, man, my dog died today.

[1368] And I've been crying all day.

[1369] But I want to tell you how much you helped me fucking relieve.

[1370] I said, oh, I'm sorry about your dog.

[1371] Did you burn him up?

[1372] Did you burn them up?

[1373] He actually started laughing.

[1374] You know, after they died, you got to burn them all, cremato.

[1375] Cream made them.

[1376] Yeah, I asked him that.

[1377] He actually started laughing.

[1378] But, I mean, I get that all the time.

[1379] And, you know, laughter is what healed me. When I was able to write my book and, you know, started doing comedy, especially like, it was one story now about my mama boyfriend who molest me. And I had never told that story over 30 -something years.

[1380] My husband didn't know Only person know is me and my sister Because it always happened to us At the same time with him And I never told that story And I remember when I was writing my book The lady who co -wrote my book She was like You gotta tell the story And I said well I got to ask my sister And I get my sister on the phone Joe And I was like May Pop, that's her name I said you ready to tell what Mr. John did to us And we both just boohoo And we told some of the story We got out the phone And it took for me to tell that story It took almost a week Me and the writer cried so much Because I had all of that built up in me But I'm so happy I was able to tell that story now Because that was the only story I had never told public About how my mama boyfriend did me and my sister From the age of probably six or eight To I was 11 years old Because I started my kid's father was 21 And I was 12 when I made him So I started having six at 12 So when he started touching me When I got a boyfriend, my mama, my mama boyfriend left us alone.

[1381] Once you got a boyfriend.

[1382] Yeah, once I got a boyfriend.

[1383] Jesus Christ.

[1384] So that was the only story I had never told.

[1385] But when I told it, I felt like I lost 20, probably 100 pounds.

[1386] I felt like it, but it didn't go anywhere.

[1387] But I just felt a relief.

[1388] Yeah.

[1389] So I know laughter.

[1390] I just know laughter does a lot for me. So I know it does the same for other people.

[1391] God damn, you've had a crazy fucking laugh.

[1392] And I laugh at every inch of it, too.

[1393] Well, that's the only way you can, I mean, what you've done is, I mean, you've done the ultimate, take a negative and turn into a positive.

[1394] I try.

[1395] I try really hard.

[1396] But you mean, you really have because your sense of humor is so fucked up.

[1397] But it's because of your life that it's so funny.

[1398] I mean, that's why it works.

[1399] If you had a cushy life and you were saying the shit that you're saying, it wouldn't be funny.

[1400] No. And that's one of the things with my husband, like when I was sharing with, like, my kid's father shot me and beat me. Most of your listeners kind of know who I am.

[1401] They know my background.

[1402] And one of the things when I started sharing my life, my husband had that protective mode.

[1403] He didn't want me to, you know, he knew how negative the world could be when I started to share these stories.

[1404] So I could see where he wanted to step in and protect me. Right.

[1405] You know, when people would judge me. And, you know, like I dropped out of school in eighth grade.

[1406] When my husband went to the military and went on office, he had a mom and dad, he had a way better life than me. So he would always be there to like be that protector.

[1407] Like, I was like, oh, they think I'm stupid, or they think I'm this.

[1408] And I just, I just, he helped me grow a backbone to say, fuck what people think about you.

[1409] I mean, because there was so much screwed up stuff in my head.

[1410] Like, one of the things my mama taught me about white people, like, I didn't deal with white people.

[1411] Let me, let's be honest.

[1412] I'm from the hood.

[1413] There was a police or the fucking other caseworker.

[1414] My mama told me, she said, white people are better than you.

[1415] Never look them in the eye, never fucking devil.

[1416] So my whole life, Joe Rogan, I was scared of white people.

[1417] And when I wrote the book And I told the lady this When I would see white people I would immediately look down Well that's what the slaves used to do And that's what the book lady taught me And I was like, I can't look him in the eye And then she was like, why?

[1418] And I told her the story And I told my husband's story And he said, Pat He said, we're all the same Your fucking mama is stupid I used to tell a bit I said the only thing between me and you white woman Is my titties is bigger than yours but I was in my late 20s when I learned that because you like when I moved to Indianapolis I couldn't talk to you I fucking my words were stomach and I would immediately say I'm stupid and I would look away and when I started doing coming in Indianapolis and my fan base turned white and I was like why the fuck y 'all like me get away from me for I up a couple of shit out of you I had to say that to myself and my husband set me down and was like Pat we are the same your fucking mom is stupid I'm like we are and I was in my late 20 but I had never ever dealt with white people like I dealt with when I moved into that community.

[1419] And I'm glad because it taught me a lot as a young girl out of the, out of the inner city of Atlanta that we are all the same.

[1420] The problem with this country is we don't fucking talk.

[1421] Yeah, we don't.

[1422] No communication.

[1423] Well, there's that and then there's that these communities stay the way they are, like whether it's Baltimore, where they had it set up or black people literally weren't allowed to buy homes outside of certain areas or any inner city like you know inner city in houston or new york or anywhere where the neighborhoods stay the same yeah they stay the same for generation after generation yeah crime poverty all the drugs everything stays the same and they does you know joe my kids my kids are fucking they blesses they don't realize how blessed they are and sometimes i get so pissed off at them like they go to this really nice high school where i live in indiana and They get their little laptops and, you know, they get new books every fucking year.

[1424] Joe, when I went to school, it was so many niggles name wrote in that same book where it had to unchecked it out every year.

[1425] You had to flip a page and you just seen Ramon, Tyrone, ta -da -da -da, three pages of kids who had that book before you.

[1426] And it pisses me out because, you know, I look at it and I was like, well, this is the old curriculum where, you know, my kids are getting a new curriculum every year.

[1427] And it's still like that in certain parts of America.

[1428] And it pisses me. I thought, like, y 'all, you guys don't realize how blessed you.

[1429] You come in through a fucking, this fucking $1 ,000 pad on the floor that this school didn't give you, take shit for granted.

[1430] Like, my daughter would literally hold up the school bus because she wanted to walk slow because she was fat.

[1431] So the lady called me, it was like, Miss Pat, every day I got to wait on Geriana to get on the bus.

[1432] And I've asked her several times to be at the bus stop when I get there.

[1433] And I said, ma 'am, leave that bitch.

[1434] Leave her.

[1435] You leave that motherfucker She'll get there on time But you know They pamper them in my neighborhood I said don't you dare pamper my black kid Leave that bitch Because I leave You ain't in the car When I get in the car Bitch bye Bye My kids know You better get in the car for mama Because she'll leave you Fuck you You'll walk to school I mean my daughter would come in the house One time I need you to take me to Starbucks I'm like why Cool kids come to school With Starbucks I said bitch you better Go to school You better I said it's night I said, you're crazy.

[1436] If you think I'm going to get up at 6 o 'clock in the morning and take you to Starbucks.

[1437] You better take your fat ass at Starbucks at night and get you a cup and put you some hot chocolate in the morning.

[1438] I'm not going, I'm not getting up at no 6 o 'clock to make you cool, but they do that.

[1439] Right.

[1440] It's a status thing.

[1441] Yes, a status thing.

[1442] Come bring me my lunch.

[1443] I left my lunch.

[1444] I tell my kids, if you leave some, you didn't fucking want it.

[1445] Because I'm in the bed with no wig and no bra and yesterday pussy.

[1446] I'm not getting up.

[1447] Yesterday's pussy?

[1448] Yeah.

[1449] How's that work?

[1450] Because I went to bed last night and they didn't watch it before they called me. Oh, so it's yesterday.

[1451] It's just a pussy.

[1452] So I'm not getting up.

[1453] You crazy as hell.

[1454] I'm not.

[1455] Nobody gave me nothing.

[1456] Did they understand that no one gave you anything?

[1457] Hell yeah.

[1458] Do they get it?

[1459] They get it.

[1460] Yeah, they get it.

[1461] But they're like, nobody want to hear your poor stories.

[1462] That's not true.

[1463] No, listen.

[1464] That's not true.

[1465] Look, they's, my cable.

[1466] A lot of people want to hear it.

[1467] Thank you.

[1468] My cable got cut off one day right.

[1469] So I go in the house and my cable cut off and I tell my husband, I was, I was like, did you pay the fucking cave?

[1470] My husband, oh, my God, I forgot to pay the cable.

[1471] Go turn the cable on before the kids get home.

[1472] I was like, fuck these keys.

[1473] You know how many time I had to look at a fuzzy TV and thought it was snowing?

[1474] I'm not going to, I'm going to bed.

[1475] Fuck these kids.

[1476] I don't care about these kids.

[1477] But he broke his neck to pay the cable bill because he don't want the kids to ever know what it's like that not have light gas.

[1478] And fuck these kids.

[1479] They can miss a couple of meals.

[1480] Joe, I didn't cut that cable back on.

[1481] But he broke his neck.

[1482] He did.

[1483] He came home and cut it on.

[1484] I don't, I don't.

[1485] go out the way for you.

[1486] I love you, but I tell you, I don't love you like Jesus do.

[1487] He love you unconditioned.

[1488] I would stab the shit out of you.

[1489] I loan my kids money.

[1490] You got to pay me back.

[1491] My daughter called me. She said, can I borrow $3 ,000?

[1492] I said, bitch, you got the wrong number.

[1493] $3 ,000.

[1494] Yeah, to buy her a car.

[1495] I don't got nothing to do with that shit.

[1496] I got my car, Joe.

[1497] My car paid off.

[1498] I drive a little old -ass cruise that McCrackette niece left I bought for her.

[1499] That's what I drive every day.

[1500] My shit paid off.

[1501] I'm not buying you no car.

[1502] Well, bitch, You was on my phone bill for three years And you never paid your phone bill So how are you going to pay me back $3 ,000?

[1503] What did she say to that?

[1504] I call you back.

[1505] I said, I bet you with.

[1506] I said, this is my money.

[1507] I wrote time for this money.

[1508] I know you was there when I was selling Cracking Forge and Check but you had joys and night shit.

[1509] I know that your life was hard.

[1510] Mm -hmm.

[1511] But if you had to live it over again, I mean, what, I mean, You mean, it made you who you are.

[1512] It made me why.

[1513] I wouldn't change anything.

[1514] Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you.

[1515] But it's a fucked up thing to ask someone.

[1516] When they tell you, they're molested, but your mom's boyfriend and that, you know, you had a baby with this guy when you were 14 and he's married and another one.

[1517] And by the time you're 16, you're pregnant with a third.

[1518] No one would ever, yeah.

[1519] Selling crack, getting shot in a tit.

[1520] No one would ever ask you to live that life again.

[1521] But you wouldn't change it.

[1522] I don't know, Joe.

[1523] I mean, it made me who I am, but I always, I look at life like this.

[1524] I think I would, you know, everybody couldn't have dealt with the stuff that I dealt with it like I dealt with it.

[1525] Like some people commit suicide, come to, some people are always depressed.

[1526] You know, I kind of feel like I was a chosen one.

[1527] God take you through something so it can, you know, to make other people see, maybe I was put, maybe I took burden that everybody else was going through in life.

[1528] And I was a chosen one.

[1529] And then I bring it out and make it funny.

[1530] So I'm here to make people let people know it's okay.

[1531] Yeah.

[1532] It's okay.

[1533] It's not about how you start.

[1534] It's about how you finish.

[1535] Right.

[1536] I don't dwell on shit.

[1537] I don't have control over.

[1538] I can't change the past.

[1539] But let's laugh today.

[1540] And I tell people every night on stage, when you can laugh about it, you got control of it.

[1541] That's a powerful thing to be able to look at your life like that and just take ownership.

[1542] Yeah.

[1543] You know, like my first kid's father, he hates me. he fucking hates me you know why because i'm not that little girl rabbit anymore that he had control of that he beat and you know i was a little girl searching for love in in this whole situation i learned to love myself joe do you still in touch with him yeah i talked to him he'd be cussing me i own bit he's like he's not in jail yeah that's what i be telling him i was he's lucky he's a child molester he's a child molester you're a child i'm not a child molest i remember when i needed closure and um i was i was out here in la and um i'm i'm starting to tell these stories about my life, and I just wanted him to apologize.

[1544] You know, he shot me in the back of the head, fucking beat me. Jesus Christ.

[1545] So I wanted him to apologize.

[1546] And my husband was like, why do you need him to apologize?

[1547] I said, I just want to hear.

[1548] I just want to say, Rabbit, I'm sorry.

[1549] So I call him up.

[1550] And I said, Darrell, we started to talk.

[1551] Oh, shit, I said his name.

[1552] Uh -oh.

[1553] Darry, you're going to jail.

[1554] So I call him, and I asked him to apologize.

[1555] And I said, how can you Fuck a 12 year old and you grown and you Married?

[1556] You know what he said?

[1557] He said Your mind and body wasn't 12 And that shit kicked me in my fucking chest Like a horse and I boo Who and that day Joe I decided I was no longer Going to ask him to ask You know to ask me to forgive him I decided to forgive him I forgave my mama I forgave my mama boyfriend and everybody else that stepped on me And I said no longer I'm ever going to want to come I know I say from that day on I'm never going to ask y 'all for forgive I'm never going to ask you again I decided to forgive you and that day I forgave him my mom and her boyfriend and everybody else that ever violated me because it was so many other people that I still don't talk about but I forgave him that's a very powerful thing and I'm happy that's a very powerful thing if you can forgive people who've done terrible things to you and you haven't done shit to them yeah the people that want them to apologize and they chase them down they want to get back that you're eating yourself up you're eating yourself and i was eating myself up because i just wanted him to say i'm sorry rabbit and he never said it well once he told you that when you were 12 your mind your body weren't young you got to realize you're talking to a fucking idiot a idiot and i called my husband and i was crying he was like pat why you keep i said i just want him to ask me to i just want him to say he's sorry that's all i want him to say and he's like pat why and i remember hanging out the and I got on my knees and I rarely get on my knees Joe and I got vertigo so I don't get on my knees for shit if you know what I'm talking about so I just I asked for forgiveness I mean I forgave him that day I forgave him him and my mama because him my mom and her boyfriend John is the three of the people that I hated the most because she didn't protect me and when we once tried to tell her that her boyfriend was doing that to us you know he wouldn't listen she wouldn't listen because this man was providing it was the only time in my life that we didn't get evicted because he was touching me and my sister.

[1558] He was always saying, well, if you tell your mama, y 'all going to get put out, y 'all ain't going to have no food.

[1559] So we always thought we was happening.

[1560] We always thought we was happening.

[1561] So, you know, but I forgave him.

[1562] You know, they was, they was already dead, but he's still alive.

[1563] My kid's father's still alive.

[1564] And you want to know something crazy?

[1565] And I never told anybody this.

[1566] So people I was like, why you don't go to your mama gravesite?

[1567] You know, a lot of people are like, I don't like fucking with the dead.

[1568] I figured they want to rest.

[1569] Leave him the fuck alone.

[1570] They don't want to hear about this lively shit.

[1571] I don't go to her grave, y 'all, because that motherfucker put itself next to her.

[1572] Wow.

[1573] He buried himself next to my mama.

[1574] So I said, fuck both of you.

[1575] I'm not going up there.

[1576] He's laying right next to her.

[1577] Wow.

[1578] Last time I was there, before he died, I was there cleaning off some ants on top of her grade.

[1579] And, you know, I'm young.

[1580] I'm probably, she died when I was 16.

[1581] I'm probably 16.

[1582] 17.

[1583] I go out there or the gas can pour it on top and light it on fire to get the ant bed off.

[1584] I'll sit the whole fucking cream.

[1585] That's how you got rid of the ants.

[1586] He poured gas on it and lit it on fire.

[1587] Jesus fucking Christ.

[1588] Oh, my God.

[1589] I haven't been back, Joe.

[1590] I haven't been back.

[1591] You don't need to go back.

[1592] I won't go back.

[1593] He's next to us.

[1594] So he wanted that control, so he got it.

[1595] Fuck him.

[1596] I'm never going back.

[1597] Jesus Christ.

[1598] God damn Miss Pat Every time I talk to you I think I've heard it all Oh shit Joe Give me some some oligard wine I can tell you a hundred nether fucking stories Some what wine?

[1599] Olive garden Yes I love that shit I drink a glass of that And I tell you a million fucking stories I was telling a story I just started writing a bit about how my mama used it Was a crap shooter And before she shoot the dice She would lie up her five kids and she would rub them on our vagina up on our teeth.

[1600] That was good look for her.

[1601] What?

[1602] She would rub the dice on your vagina and your tities.

[1603] Rob these dice on your pussy for good luck.

[1604] Oh, my God.

[1605] How old were you?

[1606] Probably five or six.

[1607] Oh, my God.

[1608] What the fuck?

[1609] I don't want to tell the whole story because I just wrote a bit about it.

[1610] So y 'all wait time to finish the fucking bit.

[1611] It's fucking hilarious.

[1612] You're not going to do it tonight?

[1613] No, I'm not going to do it tonight.

[1614] It's not out of it.

[1615] way down, but my friend was like, Pat, you got to be lying.

[1616] I said, I called my brother.

[1617] I said, Bo.

[1618] That's my older brother.

[1619] He's by race, you right.

[1620] My mom said we got the same day, but this motherfucker got good hell.

[1621] So we know we know that's, that ain't no Jerry Carol either.

[1622] So I said, Bo, do you remember when Mama used to shoot dice?

[1623] She said, yeah, she's rubbing on my motherfucking nuts all the time.

[1624] My friend's like, you know it's like, you know, some shit when black people go like who the fuck rage oh my god i can't breathe oh oh fuck did i fuck up your son oh my god i'm crying i can't breathe holy shit god damn as pat and in all i still laugh i love to laugh i fucking love it i know you do you make people laugh You're one of the funniest people I've ever met.

[1625] Wow.

[1626] Thank you, Joe.

[1627] It's a fact.

[1628] Fuck.

[1629] What a life you had.

[1630] God damn it.

[1631] It's so hard to listen to as a person who has kids.

[1632] You know, it's so hard to think about you being a little girl having to go through that.

[1633] And, you know, it used to people say, oh, Pat, you should get counseling.

[1634] But honestly, comedy has been my counseling.

[1635] It is a form of counseling, for sure.

[1636] I was able to share with shit that I had.

[1637] I was angry about.

[1638] I'm no longer angry.

[1639] And you're making people laugh.

[1640] I'm making people.

[1641] Look, I'm fucking crying over here.

[1642] I'm literally crying.

[1643] Yeah.

[1644] You know, then you meet so many people who kind of have a story like you.

[1645] People are like, oh, Miss Pat, you're telling my story.

[1646] Thank you so much.

[1647] I had a black lady that said me one time.

[1648] She was like, I had my baby at 13.

[1649] How can you talk about that?

[1650] I said, because, bitch, I'm happy.

[1651] And my child didn't have the life that I had.

[1652] So I'm happy You know The only thing I ask for my kids I say I ask you College ain't for everybody So I'm not going to force college on you But what you do owe me Is a high school diploma And you do owe me to prom Because I didn't have an opportunity To do none of that shit So all of them go to the pro All I went to the prom I picked that outfit And every one of them graduated from high school You know My daughter was the first one In three generation To graduate high school And the first one to go to college Now she didn't finish But hey My young youngest daughter just finished criminal justice she has a associate degree and you know every time they do it they're like I'm going to the prom for you they graduated high school they gave me their high school diploma my daughter was like well I just graduated from college you go your degree I was like bitch you cum laude or whatever the fuck it is you know I'm talking about straight a yes cum laude yeah that's what she was she was cool lot so I mean she didn't she didn't go to her graduation She didn't want to go to graduation.

[1653] So she booked it.

[1654] She had two options.

[1655] So she booked it on a day I was out of town.

[1656] But she's my first child that graduated college.

[1657] And I look back.

[1658] Here I am with an eighth grade education on the GED.

[1659] And I was able to keep my kids from going down the road that I went down.

[1660] And, you know, most kids try to make their parents proud.

[1661] I try to make my kids proud to let them know.

[1662] It's not about how you start.

[1663] It's about how you finish.

[1664] You know, I had to admit to my oldest daughter.

[1665] You know, I used to sell drugs in front of her school.

[1666] And I, you know, I had to wake her up one time.

[1667] And I said, I want to apologize for being such a horrible mom in the beginning.

[1668] But I was fucking 14.

[1669] You know, she was in houses where they had shootout at.

[1670] She saw me sell drugs in front of her school.

[1671] I said, I made a lot of fucking mistakes.

[1672] But I'm sorry because I did what everybody else was doing in my community, trying to survive and that was one of the hardest thing as a parent because a lot of parents hide you know their past from their kid but i i literally went to my daughter and i you know because she hated me joe she fucking hated me she's like why do you have to sell drawers in front of my school i was because i was here first bitch but you know i think you know we we have we have a relationship now.

[1673] You know, and then I went off the jail and I missed her going to to kindergarten and then I grew up in a community where if you was gay something was wrong with you and you know my daughter, she's gay as fuck.

[1674] She eat everything in Atlanta.

[1675] So, she packed man with the pussy.

[1676] Jesus Christ.

[1677] So, you know, I had to deal with that too because she ran out for a while when she wouldn't you know, when I, she didn't want to tell me she was gay because, I mean, I had this thing where if you gay was something wrong, which I fucking hated gay women.

[1678] And I used to say this on stage.

[1679] And I used to say, white men, when you, when you, when you hate niggas, there's a good chance.

[1680] Your white daughter going to come home with a big dick niggled.

[1681] It was open your, my daughter came home and she was gay.

[1682] And it opened my fucking world to the gay community.

[1683] And now like, I remember when my daughter came out and somebody was like, you must be a shame that your daughter's gas.

[1684] Uh -uh, bitch, your daughter's a hole.

[1685] So your daughter's going to take way more dicks than my daughter do.

[1686] Okay.

[1687] And immediately, I love my daughter.

[1688] I love all of my kids.

[1689] And I told Ashley, that's her name.

[1690] I said, it's not about, I had to learn.

[1691] It's not about your sexuality.

[1692] Do what make you happy.

[1693] And I will support you to the end.

[1694] As long as you happy, because you saw your daddy stop my face and shoot me and mistreat me. So if what, do what makes you happy.

[1695] Just don't do drugs, bitch.

[1696] But do what make you happy.

[1697] What made you not like gay women before that?

[1698] Because I was raised in the black community.

[1699] If you was gay, you know, we are the biggest motherfucker of black people who would throw up a gay child out to tell you something wrong with you.

[1700] We talked to hate, you know, especially that old school black community.

[1701] That's why I so, you know, people, you know.

[1702] Why is that?

[1703] I don't know, Joe.

[1704] That's just how we was raised.

[1705] The black church, drilling in your head.

[1706] You know, if you gay, you're going to hell and, you know.

[1707] So what happens with gay people in the black community?

[1708] A lot of them leave and never come back back in the day.

[1709] A lot of them wait to, you know, they fucking mental problems.

[1710] I don't know.

[1711] Like, I don't remember a gay uncle anybody.

[1712] So, but, you know, I know we, as a black community, you have to hide.

[1713] You had to hide back in those days.

[1714] So I was taught if you was gay, it was something wrong with you.

[1715] And when my daughter came out to be gay, it opened my fucking world up.

[1716] And I was like, do I judge my daughter over sexuality or do I love my child?

[1717] because it's my fucking child and I remember not seeing her for three years she just running, she had dropped out of college and she just going from state to state damn there homeless a lot of them be homeless and I said look Ashley I said are you gay I just want to hear it for myself she was like yes ma 'am I said well come on home you can eat pussy in Atlanta it's cheaper and my child came home and we built a relationship and I was wrong because she heard how I talked about gay people in the house It's almost like when you hear your, if you're white and you hear your pants, I was nigger, nigger, nigger, nigger, then you want to know, why is we talking about a nigga?

[1718] You get curious and you go outside and you like, it ain't what you think it is.

[1719] So when she came out and, you know, when she came out, it opened my world.

[1720] And I'm happy.

[1721] I'm happy for my baby.

[1722] And I tell everybody, my daughter would eat the shit out of you.

[1723] She would dick you down and scrap off.

[1724] But she's happy, Joe, and that's what is all about, you know.

[1725] All you can ask for.

[1726] All I ask is that she'd get a bitch That treat her right now But, you know New girl every six months Well, this new girl she got She's been sticking with her for a longer I like the last girlfriend Who's called Bigfoot But she got rid of Bigfoot Why'd you call her Bigfoot?

[1727] If she was a boy She'd have played professional basketball Big old feet Big old bitch I was like Where you got that big bitch Rob?

[1728] Miss Tallin LeBron Jay But I liked her A lot Her new girlfriend She's growing on me so but it's all about being happy it is all about being happy you you've you've done an amazing thing with your life thank you you took a terrible beginning and turned it into an amazing present you know you're one of the funniest people i swear to god you're one of the funniest people i've ever met you're a like a big time professional comedian people love you i mean i i think what you've done is amazing to come where you started from and to be who you are now it's amazing thank you Thank you.

[1729] I mean, and I tell people all the time, I'm a convicted felon.

[1730] Ain't shit else I can do.

[1731] Either you laugh or I'll rob you tonight.

[1732] Yeah, but you're great at it.

[1733] You know, it's not just that you had a hard life.

[1734] You had a hard life and you worked hard to become a great comic.

[1735] Well, I had a hard life and I wanted to save my kids in the beginning.

[1736] I just didn't want my kids to go through what I went through.

[1737] So that was the biggest fight.

[1738] I was like, y 'all ain't sticking your thumb in my baby asshole.

[1739] I'm sorry.

[1740] Y 'all ain't going to do that to me. my children.

[1741] You're not going to jail.

[1742] You're not going to drop out.

[1743] I just wanted my kids to have shit that I never had, which was a life.

[1744] And then, you know, one thing in my book is about, I was searching for something.

[1745] I wanted a family.

[1746] I never had a family.

[1747] I never felt love like I felt today.

[1748] You know, I got a family.

[1749] I go home to a husband that see me two times a week, but he still fucking love me, even though he say, not at all.

[1750] He's being funny.

[1751] Yeah, he's being funny but I know I'm loved Joe I know I'm love and I never had that as a child I never I plan vacation they'd be like oh we got to do this fuck yeah we got to do this do you know you want to know what it is to be without a family fuck it mama we go on with you we don't we don't want to hear these horrible stories now when I booked that Disney crew they was all pissed out but they had a fucking ball and it was 22 of us when we was there as a family and that's all I don't care to go when I go take them to the lake or take them I don't care to participate I just want to know I just look at them and say, oh, my God, I got what I fought for my whole fucking, like, a family to be loved.

[1752] And I'm loved, Joe.

[1753] That's beautiful.

[1754] Then that's all I ever wanted.

[1755] That's beautiful.

[1756] I don't get fuck about the fancy call.

[1757] I care about the nice wigs.

[1758] But listen, you and Junebug, you're going to start this YouTube series.

[1759] I promise.

[1760] You're going to work out together.

[1761] And then the pat down is available on iTunes.

[1762] It's available everywhere.

[1763] your book It's still out there It's doing really well Y 'all's called Rabbit Rabbit Nominated for NAACPM's Award And we're working tonight 10 .30 at the comedy store Thank you Thank you God damn that was funny