MFM Minisode 116

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hey, this is exciting.

[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[5] Who killed Saz?

[6] And were they really after Charles?

[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[8] This season, murder hits close to home.

[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.

[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?

[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfinacus, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVey, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[15] Goodbye.

[16] Hello!

[17] Welcome to my favorite murder.

[18] This is the minisode.

[19] Where we redo your shit.

[20] You write to us.

[21] We read it aloud.

[22] You've got us trained.

[23] Yep.

[24] Let's stop pretending.

[25] You want to go first?

[26] I can, but do you want to change it up and go first since I always go first?

[27] I can.

[28] Do you have a good end year?

[29] Yes.

[30] Okay.

[31] Let's do that then.

[32] Okay.

[33] This one's called badass Grammy with badass stories.

[34] Yes.

[35] This one is totally for you.

[36] Ola, I am nearly 60.

[37] No time for chit -chat.

[38] That's so true.

[39] You all are my spirit daughters.

[40] Stephen is fine too.

[41] Damn.

[42] She got you right off the bat.

[43] That hurts Stephen.

[44] Can I just say this?

[45] You can do that to me. Maybe you could visit doing it to Georgia.

[46] Don't do it to Stephen.

[47] Don't do it.

[48] He's our little porcelain kitten.

[49] That's right.

[50] That's all.

[51] My grandkid mini murderinos told me I need to tell you all a couple stores and suggested the subject line.

[52] In the early 90s, I joined the YMCA located downtown in a Midwestern capital city.

[53] Oh, she's like, not even going to tell us where she's just tell us we bend all of them truly i was psyched to go to the gym before work like an adult i arrived for my first day of health and the front doors are locked but it's definitely open i can see healthy people inside doing health things what the fuck so i began to walk around this city -sized block building in the pre -dawn clutching my coffee mug in one hand my work clothes and the other looking for a way in as i'm questing a random man comes strolling down the sidewalk presumably going about his random business we exchanged mumble good mornings.

[54] It's the Midwest where it's only not rude to say, wait, I don't even know how to read this.

[55] It's only not rude to not say good morning if it's a whole herd of city people.

[56] So you don't have to say good morning to everybody, but if there's one other person you have to.

[57] Yes, exactly.

[58] As he passes me, he reaches back and grabs my fucking ass from behind right up between my legs all the way to fucking Christmas.

[59] No. All the way to Christmas.

[60] Fucker.

[61] I lost my shit.

[62] I swung around and started beating him about the face with my mug, screaming, I have your face in my head and I will kill you.

[63] Over and over until he turned and ran the fuck away.

[64] It's true, though.

[65] Then it says thermos brown mug, circa 1990.

[66] Super sturdy, great lids.

[67] Promo code murder.

[68] Then I then immediately found the Y entrance, of course, eye roll, and marched right in there, jacked up like, cocaine, Kathy, livid, they didn't inform me about an early morning entrance, thus endangering my fucking life and exposing me to pre -don perverts.

[69] So she basically just took her rage at being assaulted on the street and barfed it all over everybody that works at the Y. Yes, but I see her point.

[70] It's like you're going to make people go down weird alleys to find the entrance and not tell people whatever.

[71] Sure.

[72] The desk dude seems super concerned and kept asking me if I'm sure I'm okay.

[73] I'm like, yes, I'm fucking okay, but you people, et cetera.

[74] So she was doing what you love okay.

[75] I stomp on down to the women's locker room, steam surely rolling off of me in my wake, to see multiple reflections in the mirrors of blood spattered on my face and torso.

[76] What?

[77] That's why the kid was so concerned.

[78] This shocked me back into myself, and I realized that the entire time I was beating on this purve, I was reaching up over my head, I'm 5 '3, he was that much bigger than me. I made him bleed and run.

[79] I was fucking delighted to realize that all the abuse from my past had consolidated into one big ball of rage looking for a target.

[80] How I avoided getting his blood on my work clothes?

[81] I don't know.

[82] It was a minor miracle.

[83] Stay sexy and always carry a quality coffee mug.

[84] Just call me bad granny.

[85] P .S, my coffee mug was still full, but I did not drink that coffee.

[86] Holy shit.

[87] Dude.

[88] So the guy, when she came in to be like, yeah, back door isn't open or whatever, she looks like, Harry.

[89] Yeah.

[90] Essentially.

[91] Yeah.

[92] So and like probably he took her seriously.

[93] Yeah.

[94] Yeah.

[95] This is what happens.

[96] Yes.

[97] I'll fucking, you're next.

[98] Yeah.

[99] Oh my God.

[100] Rampage it up.

[101] Gramas.

[102] Subdict line of this is the wrong way to tube.

[103] Hello.

[104] I've been listening for a few months now and I've stopped doing everything else.

[105] So it has been nice.

[106] Thank you.

[107] Thanks.

[108] I'm from Dallas, Texas and people here love to go to the dirty ass lakes and go to tubing.

[109] Yes.

[110] Now that I'm older and have a. sense of health in the south we were just raised to quote rub some dirt in it i realized that nothing good comes from playing in the lake i once saw a body with a headshot wound wash up on shore but that is not the story because that is all i know about that oh my god wow uh wow you could google it i was out tubing with my dad uncles and brothers when i was 12 they had all been drinking all day so we figured it was time to go back in.

[111] I wanted to ride the tube back in, but luckily kept my life jacket on, even though we weren't going to be going very fast.

[112] My dad decided to gun it, and I flew off backwards.

[113] The rope had way too much slack.

[114] So like some final destination shit, the rope wrapped around my legs, waist, neck, and face.

[115] The boat began to drag me under while also constricting me. And I started to lose consciousness after what felt like nine hours, but in reality was 20 seconds or so.

[116] I felt two arms lift me up and I was taken over to the boat.

[117] My dad, being a first responder, checked me over quickly and was laughing the whole time.

[118] No!

[119] No!

[120] Those natty lights make shit hilarious.

[121] That's what it's like, it's no big deal to them.

[122] Both of my parents were like, you could have an open bleeding wound and they'd be like, one moment.

[123] No matter what, they just were not in any way moved by what is to every other normal human being and emergency.

[124] You have to do so much more to qualify for an emergency like it has to be exposed bone yeah okay laughing the whole time any of us kids uh got hurt he always remained calm so as not to freak us out it's a blessing and a curse because now i do not think anything is a big enough deal like that time i had like that time i had a brain tumor removed i thought i would be back of work by monday oh my god and my surgery was Tuesday the Tuesday before didn't make that anyway I finally came to all the way and we just enjoyed the rest of our night I went to school Monday and we were talking about what we had done that weekend I had really gnarly marks and rope burns so I was showing my friends next thing I know I'm being called to the principal's office where the school counselor and a social worker began questioning me about my home life thank God someone's fucking paying attention some problems God bless that staff they thought my dad had purposefully done this and it was a giant mess It all ended up sorted, and I went tubing a few weeks later.

[125] Can't wait to see you in Dallas as a St .GM.

[126] And when tubing, hang on for your fucking life, Taylor.

[127] Wow.

[128] That's scary.

[129] That's the thing about, that I never think about, that I'm sure parents think about constantly, which is not just you don't want your kid to get hurt.

[130] But when your kid gets hurt, people always have to assume you may have a hand in it.

[131] Yeah.

[132] Like, there's so much risk.

[133] Yeah.

[134] And kids say stupid shit all the time.

[135] and they don't know what they're talking about.

[136] Mommy hurt me. I don't know.

[137] Yes, exactly.

[138] Or some weird comment.

[139] I love to do stuff like that.

[140] I loved to say things I'd heard adults saying.

[141] Yeah.

[142] Thinking it made me sound older and smart when actually I was like busting six people at a time.

[143] Oh my.

[144] I had no idea what you were talking about.

[145] Okay.

[146] This one's called fuck politeness.

[147] Great.

[148] Aloha.

[149] Karen, Georgia, Stephen and furry friends.

[150] A classic.

[151] A classic right off the bat.

[152] Opening strong.

[153] A few months ago, I had a weird run -in.

[154] I was on my way back to my old apartment after work.

[155] I'm a dancer at a strip club at Honolulu.

[156] Yeah.

[157] And it was the first Friday of the month.

[158] I used to live right outside Chinatown.

[159] And every first Friday, all the art galleries and bars in Chinatown all have events going on and an art walk.

[160] Since most people are partying in Chinatown, I decided to leave work early and enjoy a bottle of wine with my boyfriend.

[161] People are partying in Chinatown instead of going to the strip club, she made.

[162] She's jealous of the business Chinatown's getting.

[163] Yeah.

[164] I took the bus home and I know it's not the best decision, but I grew up in Honolulu.

[165] Busses are okay, right?

[166] And like, the idiot I am would walk to my old apartment after partying until bars closed in Chinatown.

[167] So I felt reasonably safe, especially since it was the first Friday and there was more foot traffic than usual.

[168] Also, because I'm a dancer and we'll change into something sexy at work, I was wearing pajamas and looked crazy in the combo of sweatpants and a full face of stage makeup.

[169] Yes.

[170] There is nothing like that.

[171] The best.

[172] It's so weird.

[173] The only thing that's better than that is if for some reason, this is happening to me a couple times, you have to, your hair is curled.

[174] Yeah.

[175] Like if you have hair sprayed full hair, makeup, but then you're just wearing the dumpiest sweats in the world.

[176] You feel like you're a Las Vegas showgirl.

[177] Yeah, that's right.

[178] When I was probably five minutes away from where I used to live, a car pulled up, a car pulled over beside me. And this is not going to, I'm reading this because it's so crazy.

[179] I'd never even thought of this.

[180] It was an old man trying to talk to me, so I paused whatever podcast I was listening.

[181] to so I could hear what he was saying.

[182] I thought he was going to ask for directions, but the guy said, Miss, someone is following you.

[183] I responded with what the fuck where and looked around to see literally no one.

[184] He then told me that the guy was hiding in the bushes and that he can drive me wherever I'm going.

[185] Oh, no. I know.

[186] What do you do?

[187] I look around again and I don't see any other people or nearby bushes.

[188] I refused the ride and the man insisted that I was not safe.

[189] then my inner Chinatown rack came out and I told the man I'm no I'm fine I've got pepper spray on me it's on my kitchen which I already had out and if the pepper spray doesn't work I'll club the fucker with my seven inch heels which I pulled out of my bag and started waving around like a lunatic yes he then drove away and I got home safely my boyfriend made it to my apartment with no run -ins because this type of shit doesn't happen to men stay sexy and don't get in cars with strangers Kayla yes Kayla isn't that way like I have never thought of that someone's following you let me help you you and you're like, get in.

[190] Yes.

[191] Because you're reacting to your, the assumption is if they're telling you something like that, they're automatically good.

[192] Right.

[193] Which of course, that's logical.

[194] It's like you have to just hang out for a second to put two and two together.

[195] And what if it is true?

[196] What if it is true?

[197] I mean, that's the creepiest thing of all is old man and he's hiding now.

[198] Yeah.

[199] Of course, because that's natural.

[200] That's what would happen.

[201] Yeah.

[202] Scary.

[203] Oh, Kayla, you nailed it.

[204] Kayla, thank you for letting us all know.

[205] Yes, because you should have a thing on your person that enables you to not have to get into a car, if possible.

[206] Pepper sprays is great.

[207] It's always a different situation, but she, that was ideal.

[208] Also, I imagine those plexiglass shoes.

[209] Yes.

[210] There's like specialty dancer shoes.

[211] Yes.

[212] That are dangerous.

[213] They're like weapons.

[214] Good.

[215] Hooray.

[216] That was inspiring.

[217] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[218] Absolutely.

[219] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[220] Exactly.

[221] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[222] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[223] That's right.

[224] Shopify is the sound of selling everywhere, online, in store, on social media, and beyond.

[225] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[226] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in person.

[227] So give your point -of -sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.

[228] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.

[229] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales, and if you're a business owner, you can too.

[230] Connect with customers in line and online.

[231] Do retail right with Shopify.

[232] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.

[233] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

[234] Go to Shoppeth.

[235] Spotify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.

[236] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[237] Goodbye.

[238] Hey, this is exciting.

[239] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.

[240] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.

[241] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.

[242] Who killed Saz?

[243] And were they really after Charles?

[244] Why would someone want to kill Charles?

[245] This season, murder hits close to home.

[246] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher.

[247] than ever.

[248] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.

[249] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.

[250] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?

[251] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfanakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.

[252] Only Martyrs in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.

[253] Bye.

[254] Goodbye.

[255] This subject line will give it away.

[256] Hello, Karen.

[257] Georgia Stephen and furry friends.

[258] Everybody likes it.

[259] Everyone's on board.

[260] I'm from Bakersfield, California, where a lot of crazy shit goes down.

[261] Oh, we know.

[262] Here in Los Angeles, we are very aware of Bakersfield.

[263] Oh, we talk about Bakersfield.

[264] That's all we talk about.

[265] Behind its back.

[266] Every day.

[267] But there is one story in particular that I felt needed to be shared.

[268] It was quite a crazy story, especially since the woman involved was pretty well known in town.

[269] So one evening, this doctor shows up to her on again, off again, boyfriend's house, but he wouldn't let her in, because.

[270] because he didn't want to see her.

[271] He leaves out the back door and stays the night elsewhere.

[272] She then attempts to break into his house, first by trying to use a shovel to get into the back door, but then proceeded to break in by sliding down the chimney feet first.

[273] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That plan didn't work out so well for her because she got stuck and ended up dying of suffocation.

[274] When she didn't show up for work the next day, her staff was like, what the fuck, and reported her missing.

[275] Her body was found three days later When the house sitter smelled something funky Coming from the fireplace Firefighters spent five hours Demolishing the chimney to get her body out Stay sexy and never try to break in your boyfriend's house By sliding down the chimney, Rachel.

[276] What?

[277] That's got to be the worst way to go.

[278] It's so terrible.

[279] Why didn't he want to see her?

[280] Well, I mean, who knows?

[281] Who knows?

[282] All of that is like, it feels like their story.

[283] But that also happened to somebody in L .A. recently.

[284] And there was the story.

[285] Remember the guy?

[286] There was like a burglar that was running in a vans and went into the column.

[287] Yes.

[288] And it's basically same accident version of this.

[289] Yeah.

[290] Where he fell into a column and couldn't get out and just was trapped inside.

[291] Oh, God.

[292] I don't want any of it.

[293] Just the worst.

[294] Please.

[295] No. Don't stay away from all of these things.

[296] Stay away from things.

[297] You know what?

[298] If someone doesn't want you in their house, if they're like, no, you can't come in.

[299] Yeah.

[300] That's the end of the story from you in that house.

[301] Yeah.

[302] I mean, sure, try the back door.

[303] We've all been crazy.

[304] We've all been crazy ex -girlfriends before.

[305] Okay.

[306] All right.

[307] Now, look, you can crawl under the house.

[308] If he's being a, if it's on him, he's being a dick.

[309] Get into that cross space.

[310] You need to go wait and get your whatever.

[311] Fine.

[312] You need to bring some lime and sprinkle it over yourself and die in his crawl space.

[313] Fine.

[314] Fine.

[315] Oh, Jesus.

[316] Okay.

[317] This is called Grandma kept what in her freezer?

[318] I'm all about grandmas today.

[319] MFM Humans and Animals.

[320] That's a good one.

[321] Greetings.

[322] Greetings.

[323] Huge Huge fan of your podcast and sad I missed you in Des Moines.

[324] That's all.

[325] You should be.

[326] It was amazing.

[327] It was so fun.

[328] So fun.

[329] This isn't technically a found in the wall story, but it was something we found my grandpa, my grandparents freezer.

[330] Disgusting, sad, or funny.

[331] I'll let you guys be the judge of that.

[332] Yay.

[333] My grandpa recently moved into an assisted living facility, so we have been going through and clearing out his house, getting it ready to sell.

[334] My mom was going through the freezer and found a small Whitman's chocolate sampler box.

[335] the poor man sees but at least they have a map they do have a map Whitman's has the map and I think that's a value above rubies I wanted to get you a ruby necklace for Valentine's Day but no just get me Whitman samplers I got it okay it seemed odd to freeze a small box of chocolate so out of curiosity my mom opened the box spoiler alert it wasn't chocolate no no but it was my grandma's chew dead beta fish.

[336] Carefully tucked into a perfectly folded Kleenex.

[337] Oh.

[338] She killed them.

[339] No. Turns out when the fish died nearly 10 years ago, my grandma didn't have the heart to flush them.

[340] So instead, she placed them in the chocolate box and put them in the freezer.

[341] I'm not sure why a chocolate box in a freezer seemed like a better burial.

[342] It seemed like a better idea than burial at sea.

[343] But that was my grandma.

[344] She always did things a little differently, but always with the best intentions.

[345] And always in the freezing.

[346] was in the freezer.

[347] Unfortunately, she passed away in 2014, and I think Grandpa either forgot the fish were in there or he kept them to honor her memory.

[348] I was the first one, for sure.

[349] Let's go with that one.

[350] No. That's just exactly who you and I are.

[351] I'm like, let's say it's that.

[352] You're like, it's not.

[353] I don't want my memory honored with two dead fish in a chocolate box.

[354] Okay, that's fair.

[355] He didn't get her a gravestone, but he got her two dead.

[356] But he saved her fish.

[357] He refused to bury her body.

[358] But look at these beta fish.

[359] Yeah.

[360] Um, either way, I'm quite disturbed to know I've been eating popsicles that were sitting amongst a couple of dead fish, which I mean, you freeze fish all the time.

[361] It's just not your pets.

[362] Yeah.

[363] It's usually, I mean, yeah.

[364] And then, and now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure my mom put them right back where she found them.

[365] So who knows where they are, well, where they will end up, SSDGM, Mel.

[366] That's so hilarious.

[367] I was, of course, the first thing I thought of those, he had like, $1 ,000 bills wrapped up in that box.

[368] Oh, yeah.

[369] Because, you know, know the old people and squirreling stuff away.

[370] Send us those emails too.

[371] Send us your weird grandparents stories.

[372] We just love them.

[373] We love them.

[374] And the cavalcade of surprises that all everyone's grandparents have wrapped up in an old lunch bag.

[375] Yeah.

[376] Underneath a counter.

[377] Like, just look around.

[378] Just see what you can find.

[379] Bread boxes are a treasure trove.

[380] That's right.

[381] Especially if it's in a garage.

[382] Oh.

[383] Like something from the kitchen that's been put out into the garage.

[384] Look through that thing.

[385] Okay.

[386] Because when I was, the first house we lived in in Petaluma, there was a kitchen set up in the garage.

[387] And it was basically when my parents redid the kitchen.

[388] Okay.

[389] They just took out all his cabinets and put them into the garage and used them in the garage.

[390] And I was out there one day fucking around.

[391] And I found a lunch bag filled with metal dollhouse furniture.

[392] What?

[393] And I still have it to this day.

[394] You kept it?

[395] Oh, yeah.

[396] It was like real.

[397] Is it cool?

[398] It was like I reached up.

[399] I did stuff like this all the time where I'd just go through everything.

[400] And I just reached up and I thought it was because it was in the garage and it was a lunch bag that was all oily.

[401] So I thought it was going to be a bag of nails and screws.

[402] Like or garage shit.

[403] Or just a nice bag of fried chicken that someone left there for us.

[404] Some cronuts.

[405] But instead it was this like really old and seemingly valuable.

[406] Although I don't think it actually is truly valuable.

[407] I want to see it.

[408] Will you bring me just one piece?

[409] 100%.

[410] I'm bringing you the little red chair.

[411] I love miniature shit.

[412] I mean, I don't know why I don't have a dollhouse.

[413] Wait.

[414] do you know about the miniature chef that my tiny chef?

[415] The tiny chef.

[416] I love him so much.

[417] Do you know that Laura, my sister and my niece, Nora, were looking through the tiny chef and watching it and all the sudden the tiny chef had an MFM thing in the background.

[418] Oh, we're best friends.

[419] He comments the tiny chef, go follow him on Instagram.

[420] He follows, he says hello to Mimi whenever.

[421] He could say, blah lo, me, me. But you know that that's the girl, his owner, is the girl who made us those tiny our last meals.

[422] That's what I said.

[423] I told my sister, I thought that because she said I think you know the tiny chef.

[424] And I was like, the only way I know the tiny chef is if the tiny chef made us our last meals.

[425] And then she said, but were they vegan males because the tiny chef is vegan.

[426] That's right.

[427] It's Rachel Larson, right, Stephen?

[428] Yeah, it was.

[429] But she, in the note, it was like, these are the only non -vegan meals I made.

[430] Yes, yes.

[431] Awesome.

[432] I know, yeah.

[433] Oh, God, I feel it.

[434] Okay, I'll tell you something later.

[435] Well, the Kill Garras are a huge fans.

[436] We all are.

[437] I'm the tiny chef.

[438] I just love him.

[439] I didn't catch up.

[440] I didn't understand what was happening.

[441] I will.

[442] Play -lo, Mimi.

[443] Maybe is the most special.

[444] Okay.

[445] This subject line gives us away, so I won't read it.

[446] It just starts...

[447] Okay, so since Karen likes to get to the meat of things without preamble, I'll jump straight into one of my favorite of my dad's stories.

[448] My dad is a retired first responder.

[449] All of mine are first responder stories.

[450] We're in theme.

[451] He was not there for this event, but from the first time he told it, I've never forgotten.

[452] They had gotten a 911 call for a body in a pool and responded only to find a DOA scene.

[453] The crew did whatever it was supposed, whatever it was they were supposed to do, and then helped with the retrieval process.

[454] They apparently pulled the body out of the water, and in the process, that compressed whatever air was left out of the body's stomach and lungs, and the very dead body said, No. Quick anatomy recap.

[455] I was going to say autonomy recap.

[456] Quick anatomy recap.

[457] Air moving past the vocal cords makes sound.

[458] The guys dropped the body that just moaned at them back into the pool and ran for it.

[459] You think they would have known that, right?

[460] I guess, I don't know.

[461] They were new or it just hadn't happened to them yet.

[462] It was their first day.

[463] It was their all, it was six people's first day.

[464] Yeah, that's right.

[465] Don't start everybody once, not the whole freshman class.

[466] They came back and finished the job once they calmed down and realized they weren't trapped.

[467] in their own personal night of the living's end.

[468] Please pet the cats for me and the fiercely private dogs, too.

[469] C. P .S., the best story from working in medicine so far is the patient who came in and said to me they needed to see a doctor because their eye bill fell out.

[470] Sorry.

[471] Because their eyeball fell out?

[472] No. Yep.

[473] Said to me they needed to see a doctor because their eyeball fell out.

[474] It was Halloween.

[475] They said they just pushed it back in because they didn't know what else to do.

[476] I'm still not over it.

[477] No stories.

[478] That was a particularly terrible one too.

[479] Why did you end on that?

[480] Remember when I was like, do you have a good under?

[481] And you're like, yes.

[482] Yeah, that's the best.

[483] Do you have an ender?

[484] I would like.

[485] Oh, I didn't realize.

[486] I didn't realize.

[487] But you did the eyeball killer.

[488] That's right.

[489] I was not expecting that.

[490] I just wasn't prepared.

[491] Well, you know why?

[492] That's not a PS story.

[493] That's a top of the email story.

[494] That's the story.

[495] What's the subject line?

[496] first responder quote what a dead body sounds like lighthearted you guys have a different understanding of the word lighthearted we all have different see me and see have a different I just thought that was funny because it's like what else are you supposed to do keeping in a little dixie cup what would you do I thought I just didn't think it was going to go that way pushed it back in well now we know you know it's like a dislocated shoulder you just got to pop your eye back in I can't do that can you do it there you go did it did you hear it yeah you got it oh um so right after you this is almost over and then it's gonna get ready don't worry don't worry and then after this we're on our feed is the very first episode the very first it's not a fucking april fool's joke episode of jensen and holes the murder squad are the new fucking podcast on exactly right episode one it's real it's happening we've waited so long it's finally happening paul holes is on our fucking network you guys And Billy Jensen, whose book I'm listening to you right now.

[497] Isn't it good?

[498] Uh -huh.

[499] Chase Darkness with me. Um, and, uh, yeah, get Billy's book, but right now, get ready for the debut episode.

[500] And go, um, subscribe, because we're just going to play this first one, so everyone hears it on our feed and then go subscribe and...

[501] Rate review, subscribe.

[502] Give them their good ratings so that that podcast does well.

[503] Yeah.

[504] And here they are, Jensen and Holes.

[505] Oh, uh, stay sexy.

[506] Oh, and don't get murdered.

[507] Bye.

[508] Elvis, you want a cookie?