Kristen Stewart

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome.

[1] Now, I'm chair expert and Dan Shepard.

[2] I'm joined by Minister Mouse, the Duchess of Duluth.

[3] We have a fun episode today.

[4] It was shockingly fun, if I can be honest.

[5] An old little friend of yours.

[6] Yeah, one of the three at the time beautiful children actors that were in Zathura that I came to have a real endearing feeling towards, who I've always kept track of.

[7] But in truth, have not had a long conversation with her since she was 14 years old.

[8] Yeah.

[9] So I think in some area of my mind, she's still 14.

[10] And so to sit down and see the fully formed human, who I'm so impressed with, was really fun.

[11] She's a huge movie star.

[12] Kristen Stewart.

[13] That's who we're tiptoeing around right now.

[14] And she's the stew, girl.

[15] Oh, ding, ding, ding.

[16] This was a stew that was alluded to.

[17] The alluded to stew.

[18] Kristen Stewart.

[19] She's an actor and a filmmaker.

[20] Twilight, Charlie's Angels, happiest season, panic room.

[21] She has a new movie out that both Monica and I watch called Spencer, which is in, Incredible.

[22] It is a very, very unique special movie.

[23] And so it was a pleasure to actually talk about the movie, which generally we don't like to do.

[24] But today we love to do it because it's a really fascinating topic, of course.

[25] So please enjoy old -time friend Kristen Stewart.

[26] Wonderly Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now.

[27] Join Wonderly Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[28] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[29] I actually have specific questions for you, shockingly.

[30] Oh.

[31] You're going to have to have the mic a little closer than that, though.

[32] We're going to have to compromise.

[33] Okay.

[34] Okay, we're not going to hear you.

[35] Also, we cut anything you want.

[36] Oh, right, right.

[37] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[38] So you make people feel really comfortable, and then they, like, say stuff, and then they think about it afterwards, and they're like, no. Yeah, it'll happen to you.

[39] It happens to virtually every single guest.

[40] doing like so much press always afterwards i go home and go like what flew out of my mouth i said so much stuff i have no idea what it is and what that's going to do i feel like i've ripped up a pillow with like a ton of feathers in it i'm like they're everywhere yeah well you probably run out of things to say at some point and you just say whatever yeah then weird stuff that you don't necessarily like mean starts coming on because you're like i don't know i just had to say something oh well i was directly i feel like maybe i'm wrong i was directly in your mind for like the last 30 minutes because I was reading the New Yorker article you did or interview.

[41] You know which one I speak of, I assume.

[42] Yeah.

[43] The reason one, okay, you went golfing with the reporter.

[44] And I was like, we all proceed in this business.

[45] This shit's normal.

[46] It's like, oh, hey, this is Betty from the New Yorker.

[47] She's going to interview you.

[48] And then all of a sudden you're talking.

[49] It's like, what do you want to do?

[50] And then you're like, I'm sure in your mind like, fuck, what the fuck do I do with a journal?

[51] Like, oh, you know, I'm going to go golf and you want to come back.

[52] Now there's two strangers on a golf course, which is like so awkward.

[53] and then like your own human well my human instincts are like this person probably feels awkward too I gotta kind of like get them feeling good now all of a sudden you're right I don't know what I'm fucking saying if I figure out that this person loves VWs I might claim I fucking love VWs it's a bizarre aspect and then you're kind of trapped in perpetuity in print for some maybe just awkward human exchange of like trying to hang out with a stranger I know and like the proposal of like finding some activity that makes one feel natural is so like I would never do this so what do I do?

[54] What human thing do I do that people will say oh there's more than just sitting at a restaurant like you can't write the same article over and over so I get it so you're like okay golf fun I was stressed out because I was like juggling so much I was like usually I go over there let's do that right right you want to come with me Monica she has a favorite place she practices her drives from or obviously it's like in the corner.

[55] I'm assuming it was probably the most private.

[56] Do you golf at all?

[57] I don't golf at all.

[58] I don't golf.

[59] But when I was reading this thing, I literally had the thought like, should I go golfing with Krista?

[60] Yes.

[61] It's so fun.

[62] I've heard for addicts, it's great.

[63] But yeah, so there was a dude in her spot.

[64] And again, talk about major awkwardness.

[65] It's like, that's where she wants to play right.

[66] So now she's with this stranger and she's like, yeah, so maybe we should just kind of hang back and see if he'll maybe move on.

[67] Well, what a scenario would be?

[68] It's like waiting for a parking spot to open up or something when the stranger.

[69] And it would have been fine to not have.

[70] of my, like, special spot, but we were just, the sun was beating the shit out of us.

[71] Uh -huh.

[72] And it was just really not a nice, talky environment at all.

[73] And I was, like, trying to make this girl comfortable and make her like me, too.

[74] Of course.

[75] I wanted to be like, I want you to think that I'm great and fun and cool and nice.

[76] Yeah.

[77] Because, like, I just go to that guy and you're like, get the fuck out of my phone right now.

[78] I'm doing something.

[79] I'm trying to be nice.

[80] That is the other really funny subtext is, like, you have this blind date with a human being.

[81] It's super awkward.

[82] You'd only talk about you.

[83] And then when you drive away, you go, you know, they either liked me or not.

[84] And that's going to come through when they list all this stuff.

[85] The prince scares the fuck out of me. I kind of stop doing it.

[86] Obviously, like when you do a movie like this, you love it and you're willing probably to do anything.

[87] But in general, I'm too afraid for me to go through your filter.

[88] Yeah.

[89] And also, doesn't it feel like every word you say, everything comes off differently when it's written down?

[90] And I have, like, such respect for the written word.

[91] I love it so much.

[92] and the written word is not the spoken words.

[93] I'm like, don't write this down.

[94] This is wild.

[95] This is going to sound so stupid.

[96] I'm just talking to you.

[97] And I always feel like every word that leaves my mouth has just been like, I don't know, chiseled into some stupid stone.

[98] I'm like, wait.

[99] How often do you golf?

[100] I love it so much and I don't do it enough.

[101] Like, I've been kind of busy.

[102] I love it, though, dude.

[103] I made a hole in one.

[104] No, you did not.

[105] Not kidding.

[106] And Griffith?

[107] We were at Roosevelt, so actually, yeah.

[108] Oh, my gosh.

[109] You got a hole in one.

[110] I tell everyone.

[111] Sometimes I just walk.

[112] ground being like, I got a hole in one.

[113] I don't know.

[114] You know who else has gotten a tremendous amount of hole in ones?

[115] Kim Jong -il.

[116] Do you know this about him?

[117] No, but that's scary.

[118] Okay, so one of the many things that are believed about the father of Kim Jong -un is that he didn't have bowel movements.

[119] That was like a thing he was blessed with.

[120] And then also he like, I want to say he has somewhere like 130 hole -in -ones or something insane, like the first time he went golf and maybe he got five hole -in -ones.

[121] Uh -huh.

[122] That makes sense.

[123] It's crazy.

[124] He didn't join the tour.

[125] To my knowledge, he never has to take bathroom break so he can practice a lot.

[126] Oh, my God, May that's probably, it all ties together.

[127] It's all tied in.

[128] So I got to say of the many interviews I get to do, this one's uniquely fun for me because we met each other so long ago.

[129] We did a movie together, and you were a teenager.

[130] I was 14.

[131] I was like an inside out person then.

[132] I literally remember that so distinctly.

[133] I cannot tell you how many times I thought to myself while we were doing that movie.

[134] movie.

[135] I don't know how she's doing this.

[136] Like, when I was 14, I would wake up and I would have a pimple on my chin and like, I couldn't proceed through the day without just all I thought about was what a fucking grotesque monster I was at school.

[137] And I'm like, this 14 year old girl is, we're all that way emotionally at 14, or at least most people I knew it.

[138] And yet you're asked to now come and do this pretty miraculous thing.

[139] Like, when they say go, it's wild.

[140] Because it was It was such an interesting, of course, and I wonder what you think about it, is like, we had Jonah Bobo who was...

[141] Oh, my God.

[142] He's come up a lot on this show.

[143] I could start crying, thinking about how much I fucking love Jonah Bobo.

[144] I wish he was here right now.

[145] How is he?

[146] Do you talk to him?

[147] Oh, my God.

[148] Can I feel you in on Jonah Bobo?

[149] Yeah, please.

[150] I know nothing.

[151] Okay.

[152] So I stayed in touch with his mother because I just had this affinity for him, and they had decided after that movie that they didn't want him to act for a while, which great.

[153] They want him to be a kid.

[154] And I remember kind of making a case to the mom.

[155] I'm saying he's so incredible man he's off the charts incredible and not only is he off the charts incredible this is a world we're being that way will be celebrated and nourished and embrace and I just think of the elementary school I went to and I that's not what was embraced so that was my fear right so then I was so nice that you like had that open conversation with her well I wasn't I love I fucking you were weirdly obsessed with I was because he could improv because he didn't know.

[156] Like there's all these little slivers of magic times as a performer.

[157] And like kids can really do some shit that adults will never be able to do.

[158] 100%.

[159] And you could get Jonah to just start going and his shit was like brilliant.

[160] And he was the cutest little motherfucker and the name is so cute.

[161] Have you seen?

[162] Come on, come on.

[163] No. Oh, you're going to fall in love with this movie too.

[164] I feel like that kid reminds me of Jonah.

[165] I think it's all improv.

[166] It's like, Watkins interviewing children, young people about the future.

[167] how they feel about the world and everything and this kid is like his nephew and he takes care of him and kind of is like saddled with this kid this whole time and their relationship is fucked up perfect it's so beautiful he is so open and like the way that he talks to this guy is just you you could only do that as like what you're talking about like this little open present little man like you can see the man he is already it's the cutest thing I love the movie but sorry to interrupt no no the guest I'm the one who will be apologizing a lot for interrupting.

[168] But at any rate, so then I did baby mama.

[169] I guess that was maybe, whatever it was.

[170] Maybe it was four or five years after that.

[171] So I was in New York for a while.

[172] And then I made plans to go see Jonah.

[173] And they lived on Roosevelt Island at the time.

[174] So I had never been there.

[175] I take the little tram to Roosevelt Island.

[176] I go to his house.

[177] And again, I've got this whole story about him, right, that he should have been able to keep doing this thing.

[178] I get into the house.

[179] And he says, you want to hear me play guitar?

[180] And I go, fuck.

[181] Yes, I want to hear you play guitar.

[182] And at this time, I bet Jonah was maybe 11 Can play every fucking Eddie Van Halen lick Like I'm watching him on the guitar And I'm like Half of me is going like of course Yeah it makes so I mean I'm not surprised at all Right And then the other part of me is like Where'd this kid come from right?

[183] Like this is impossible That's not the catcher The punchline of the fucking story is The day before His Little League team Was in the state finals And Jonah Bobo hit a grand slam To fucking win the game So he's like a jock.

[184] It's crazy.

[185] And I was like, I didn't, I should have stayed the fuck out of the way.

[186] Like, this kid will just do it.

[187] You know, he'll be great everywhere he goes.

[188] And then the other, just the funny ending of that story is they hadn't acted forever since Zethora.

[189] And they decided, let's try this again.

[190] The very first meeting goes on is crazy stupid love.

[191] And he ends up in that amazing movie.

[192] That's ridiculous.

[193] Yeah.

[194] And we knew that little kid.

[195] I know.

[196] Dude.

[197] And then Josh, which I'm sure you had a much different relationship.

[198] I would die to know about that.

[199] But, of course, I also love Josh Hutcherson.

[200] Well, he's one of the nicest people alive, yeah.

[201] Yeah.

[202] I can imagine he was 12 and you were 14.

[203] So, like, I don't know what your experience was.

[204] We were homies.

[205] Oh, good, good, good, good, good, good, good.

[206] Yeah, we were totally homies.

[207] I bought him a turtle for his birthday.

[208] What else do I remember?

[209] He was dope.

[210] I really liked both of them.

[211] Jonah, like, kind of ran circles around me and intimidated me. But me and Josh were totally like homies.

[212] And I love running into him.

[213] Well, and the three of us, I'll say, coming from similar places, is like your parents are both in the nuts and bolts end of show business, like the real work, the blue color work.

[214] And I'm from a family that worked for the auto industry.

[215] And Hutcherson was from northern Kentucky.

[216] Yeah.

[217] So the three of us weren't, it's not like we are all fancy people.

[218] So you got me with my stupid Detroit accent, I can't shake.

[219] You got, you got sometimes, Josh can't say words where it's so clear it's from Kentucky.

[220] It's insane.

[221] Do you remember that?

[222] Yeah, it's totally like milk or like, you know, just things that you say.

[223] You're like, dude.

[224] So, like, you can't say.

[225] that is so funny dude that is true yeah and then so then i have my whole experience with then observing you for the rest of your career because i adore you and i know you and i remember just being very cognizant of what it must have been like doing that job at 14 years old i just always always thought about it it's funny because i think in retrospect like i knew that like i really yeah it's like i definitely knew how aware you were and like Like, you were on fire.

[226] I had never done a movie that was supposed to be funny before, ever.

[227] Uh -huh.

[228] And so I was, like, kind of tripping and reeling.

[229] And, like, yeah, and super intimidated and teenager and unable.

[230] I was just, like, I was a human flail.

[231] But it was fun.

[232] Like, I had the best I ever.

[233] And we were on stage for so long that it became really homey.

[234] And John Favreau was also one of the truly, like, most solid sender.

[235] And, you know, he said stuff, I think, to both of us.

[236] That was this, you and I needed the same note weirdly enough, which was I had a scene where I got a blast through the roof, right, with like a jet pack.

[237] And I'm too insecure to try to play it like Harrison Ford.

[238] Like, I don't think I'm Harrison Ford.

[239] So I'm doing funny faces as I blast through the ceiling or, you know, you know, winking at the fact that I'm on a rocket pack.

[240] And after like a few of those, he said to me, you know, you got to make a decision.

[241] Like, you want to be the hero of this movie and be a bad motherfucker going out the roof or you want to be silly?

[242] I mean, that's your choice.

[243] And that scared the shit out of me. And I think he had similar conversations with you, like knowing exactly to, he's very empathic and stuff, knowing who you are and going.

[244] And also, we got a party.

[245] Yeah.

[246] No, like, take it seriously.

[247] And then it'll be so much more funny.

[248] Yeah.

[249] I think I definitely was like, oh, am I supposed to do teenage girl funny?

[250] I'm like the older.

[251] No, it was just like.

[252] And then I think in response to being like, oh, man, I don't know that I can do that.

[253] I just took it like incredibly seriously.

[254] you're so wonderful in the movie and that's obviously truly I think a compliment to Favreau is that we're all good in that movie The movie's so fucking, it's probably the best movie I've ever been to be honest I love that movie I haven't seen it I'm gonna like go home and watch it In fact after this conversation it be so much more interesting to watch it I'm curious now How many movies had you done by then A lot though, right?

[255] Because you started really young I mean I was 10 When I worked on Panic Room Okay I made one indie movie before that but yeah I had probably done like a handful it wasn't like super consistent at that point I had to go to the sixth grade and I hadn't I think there was like a two year period where I wasn't working on movies so not that many but technically speaking I suppose yes I had done several films yeah yeah and you had really just come off panic room with Jody fucking Foster and Fincher so it's like I imagine too if it were me that had been in your situation it don't it kind of happened to me on that movie the whole reason I got cast and that is I had just done a Mike judge movie and If I ever loves Mike Judge, so he's like, oh, if Mike Judge likes him, then maybe, you know.

[256] What movie was that?

[257] Idiocracy.

[258] Oh, word.

[259] So similarly, I personally was like, I don't deserve the competency as in me right now.

[260] And you're coming up, this thing that's like, you know, fucking Fincher picked you?

[261] That's a huge compliment.

[262] Your co -stars, Jody Foster?

[263] And it's, I don't know, that's a lot to digest where you're like, wow, I guess, okay, that's now I've somehow absorbed that.

[264] Panicrum was the only big movie that I had done.

[265] Other than not, I was on these, like, tiny things, like, for a couple weeks and, like, always very serious work.

[266] Yeah, yeah.

[267] And so this was, like, there were so many new things.

[268] It was, like, on a soundstage with, like, a huge crew in L .A., it was so fancy.

[269] It was the fanciest movie.

[270] It was, like, in a different time.

[271] I haven't done a movie like that since.

[272] I've never seen a craft service table like that in my life.

[273] Well, and let's talk about the set.

[274] So, you know, the entire set is going to be this house.

[275] So they built the house, like, three different times, and they shot an order, which they did.

[276] don't shoot movies in order, the people who don't know, but this movie had to be shot in order because the house is disintegrating, right?

[277] And they built a fucking 5 ,000 square foot house on a gimbal, which is a series of hydraulic lifts.

[278] So there was this house we would get in occasionally that was about 15 feet off the ground.

[279] And they could tilt the whole fucking 5 ,000 square foot house like 30 degrees and we'd be in there.

[280] And there was always people who were like, should the kids be in that house?

[281] And there was like the real version of the house in Pasadena.

[282] That they just recreated in wars.

[283] Yeah.

[284] It was elaborate.

[285] It was wild.

[286] And you and I were probably in one of the very last movies that was made like that.

[287] It feels from a different time, for sure.

[288] And Fabra was in particular, like most of this stuff, even at that time, would have been done digitally.

[289] And we didn't do almost anything digitally.

[290] Everything was practical.

[291] Yeah.

[292] It was so physical.

[293] So when a harpoon came through the wall of the house and ripped the fucking staircase out, like, it went through the wall.

[294] You know, like, you know, like, you did.

[295] It's acting so much more, so much easier.

[296] Oh my God.

[297] I'm watching these little dudes as well, just be like, wow.

[298] You can't fake that.

[299] They made a frozen me physically.

[300] Exactly and like threw her down the stairs.

[301] That would have been digital.

[302] Like there's just a thousand percent.

[303] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[304] Have you ever been live cast?

[305] I've had my fate.

[306] In fact, we own it and we put it out at Halloween.

[307] I had that was made of me for a Miller -like commercial like 20 years ago.

[308] I hated it.

[309] Do you like it?

[310] It was the worst experience.

[311] of my life.

[312] I'm literally traumatized.

[313] It's like being born and maybe you don't live through it.

[314] What do you have to do?

[315] Well, for me for the face, and I'm sure you did even more, is they cover your entire face in plaster.

[316] You have a couple straws coming out of your nose and you're fucking encased.

[317] They told me that they couldn't put straws in my nose because it was going to change the shape of it.

[318] And so there was just one person that was like responsible for clearing like all the goopy stuff and all the plaster away from the tiny little air holes that you have for your nose I am already claustrophobic and a freak and I was little and I just just harnessed a lot of sort of like I've harnessed a lot of calming sort of practical approaches to like living that I did not have then and I was beside myself it was horrible.

[319] You had no toolkit then yeah I was freaking out the white knuckle was real I was like it was awful I would never do it again well I was 27 when it and it wasn't any better at 27.

[320] This happens in show business all the time.

[321] So my very first movie was without a paddle, and we go there, and it's like, for me, it's a movie.

[322] So, like, everything is, it's fake.

[323] It's like, I'm at Disneyland, right?

[324] It's like, oh, yeah, jump in these Class 5 rapids and float down.

[325] Cool.

[326] Oh, we do that.

[327] And it feels like, it's just a movie.

[328] Yes.

[329] And then the professional roer who just won a gold medal in the previous Olympic goes through the exact same falls and breaks his whole fucking head open.

[330] It has to go to the hospital and you go, wait, how did that just happen?

[331] We're at Disney.

[332] Yeah.

[333] Oh, cool.

[334] No. There's a lot of those, right?

[335] And you have to learn it.

[336] You have to kind of sometimes go like, wait a minute.

[337] Are we positive?

[338] Everyone thought this through.

[339] Yeah.

[340] Oh, man. It's funny when you said that, my face went blank because I could think of like 50 different times I've almost died doing stupid stuff on movies.

[341] Yeah.

[342] You get to do wild stuff that you would never ever do in your life because we do these like insane, elaborate hypothetical fantasy things that we just like, I want to have this fantasy and have this.

[343] this little dream.

[344] You're already imagining you're in some place.

[345] You're not.

[346] So in that place, it's safe.

[347] Or in that place, yeah, it's been thought out.

[348] Yeah, and not always.

[349] It's quite often.

[350] It hasn't been so thoroughly thought out.

[351] So then what happened to me personally is, so without a paddle had made a good deal of money.

[352] And then I seize a third.

[353] That's my second movie.

[354] It's really my third, but it's the second one that's going to come out.

[355] And then we get to go to a screening of that movie, like a test screening.

[356] And I watch it.

[357] And I'm like, my God, I'm in a fucking.

[358] Spielberg, like, look at the quality of this movie.

[359] And in my mind, I was like, well, if without a paddle made 60, this thing's making $2 .50, like my expectations of that movie.

[360] How did that do?

[361] Terrible.

[362] Oh, fuck.

[363] Want to save me?

[364] Good for you.

[365] Yeah, I'm so glad to do that.

[366] That seems liberating.

[367] I was little, dude.

[368] I also don't have, like, a good frame of reference for, if articles say something has done well, then it's done well.

[369] I don't really know what the numbers mean.

[370] Yeah.

[371] Yeah.

[372] And by the way, this horseshit, yeah, I just did something yesterday for somebody.

[373] And in the introduction of me, they're like, and wrote and directed the hit movie chips.

[374] And I'm like, I'm fucking wasn't a hip movie.

[375] We're playing a fast one with the word hit.

[376] Right.

[377] But now with it end streaming, though.

[378] It's hard, especially now to know if something's a hit or not.

[379] Because maybe in streaming, everyone's watching it.

[380] Maybe, you know, like, who cares?

[381] Also, like, I feel like the coolest things that I've done never do well.

[382] And always, it's like people still love that movie or whatever that.

[383] It's, I don't know, I feel like Zethora is one of the coolest movies we've done.

[384] Yeah.

[385] And also, I did this movie called Adventureland, but it's so itself.

[386] And Greg Matole is like one of my favorite filmmakers and Jesse's incredible.

[387] That movie, I think, made like $5.

[388] I think that's the one movie that people say that they like the most to me. Same.

[389] You know how much idiocry made?

[390] No. $180 ,000.

[391] A fucking $180 ,000.

[392] You'll fact check it.

[393] That might be $300 ,000.

[394] It ain't a million.

[395] Right.

[396] And then for certain, that's the thing I've done that way more people have seen than anything else.

[397] I'll go watch it.

[398] You've never seen idiocry?

[399] No, dude.

[400] It's really good.

[401] Wow.

[402] Because it's really your kind of generation that loves it.

[403] Oh, cool.

[404] I'm going to go watch that.

[405] Because it's such a skewering of how fucking ridiculous.

[406] It's all too relevant now.

[407] Well, now it seems insanely prophetic.

[408] But anyways, so from my perspective, that movie came out.

[409] It didn't do so hot, and then I did a couple more, and they didn't do so hot.

[410] And then I was not getting work for a very long time.

[411] And then simultaneously, that's what happens.

[412] But then all of a sudden, I'm like, oh, Josh Hutcherson, man, boy, this boy's on fire.

[413] He's in fucking Hunger Games.

[414] And he did this, you know, he's in a movie with The Rock and everything.

[415] And then Twilight happened.

[416] I was like, who are these children?

[417] Why is everyone in this fucking movie becoming titans of the industry?

[418] And I can't get a job.

[419] It was very interesting.

[420] And I think I even remember over the years when.

[421] I would bump into you, I would be thinking in my head, like, I would bump in you, and I would be so excited to see you.

[422] And then in some level in my brain, I would have this shame that, like, everyone went on to these great things.

[423] And you're like, Kristen's a huge movie star.

[424] I know, like, I'm bothering her.

[425] And at least, you know, hey, I remember me?

[426] We were, um.

[427] Remember we did that movie together?

[428] Yeah, it's a wild.

[429] You're doing so great now, though.

[430] I'm just way back.

[431] Maybe I wasn't doing the right thing.

[432] This is a real Cinderella story.

[433] You look beautiful to me. I do.

[434] Yeah, you look gorgeous.

[435] Oh, thank you.

[436] Thank you.

[437] Thank you.

[438] I want to say one more thing about this is a thorough days.

[439] So what I really liked about you is you were like really into cars and you wanted a fucking mini Cooper.

[440] I did.

[441] And I got it.

[442] Yeah, got it.

[443] That thing was so cool.

[444] My brother totaled that car.

[445] He did.

[446] That's what brothers do.

[447] Brothers are the worst.

[448] Yeah.

[449] I know.

[450] Well, I hate to say this, but in general, people do that to.

[451] things they didn't buy.

[452] I'm just going to say, I've been guilty of it.

[453] I've ridden my brother's equipment much different than I've ridden my own, we'll say.

[454] That's a personality thing, though.

[455] I treat other people's shit with a much gentler hand than I treat my own.

[456] Do you have siblings?

[457] Yeah, right.

[458] Do you think...

[459] But he doesn't.

[460] He treats everything horribly.

[461] Yeah.

[462] And you add on top of it, like, Neil knows what you got in the bank.

[463] So he ain't going to feel fucking bad if he breaks one goddamn thing of your...

[464] Well, he shouldn't.

[465] Ah!

[466] It's a principal thing.

[467] Do you know Monica lives across the street?

[468] Yeah, she's your neighbor to do.

[469] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[470] I love that house, man. It's haunted.

[471] For sure.

[472] Every time I walk by, I'm like, ooh, I get this feeling.

[473] Would you ever see the old lady crossing in and out of, in the little bridge?

[474] No. But I did, like, walk around the backyard, and there was all this stuff back there.

[475] Yeah, weird shit.

[476] Yeah.

[477] Like, her stuff was still back there, and I was, like, investigated.

[478] Weird planter head, like a head, mold of a head.

[479] That's a planter.

[480] I'm going to keep that.

[481] Keep that.

[482] Definitely not jinxed.

[483] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[484] There's no way that's totally normal.

[485] Terrible luck.

[486] Yeah.

[487] But anyways, yeah, yeah.

[488] You were like a little gear head and of course I fucking love that.

[489] And then we had my license in that car.

[490] Yeah.

[491] What color?

[492] It had some checkered on it somewhere, right?

[493] It was black and it had like a body kit on it and the top had black and white checkers.

[494] I was like truly obsessed.

[495] I was so stoked for you.

[496] And now here comes us.

[497] some disappointment.

[498] So we're neighbors, and I'm constantly riding around the neighborhood with my daughters on the motorcycles.

[499] And fucking every time I drive by your house, I'm like, where's the fucking hot rod, man?

[500] What happened?

[501] There's a mini van out there.

[502] I know.

[503] That's your car?

[504] Yeah, but Beth is like such a reliable homie.

[505] She's more like a soulmate for you, but I would love to see you have a little fling with something.

[506] Can we get you like, like Beth's there.

[507] she's your partner for life you guys will die together but can we get a fling happen this is embarrassing right now so there's like a warehouse in van nice that is full of cars oh and i just keep them really nice oh that's crazy me no i'm not you're not no my mom's like obsessed my whole family my brother is like a total you know hot rotter and what is in the fucking i mean you don't have to out yourself no we want we want it's like a j leno situation over there it's not as nice as that it's way like dirtier than that but like my family loves like oldtmobiles and like just like novas and stuff like that the duchiest thing about me is that i love porches that's not fucking douche at all it's the most beautiful it's the most beautiful car i've ever seen the only thing more stunning in spencer than you is the fucking what was like an 89 9 -11 or something yeah yeah yeah it was the version that was still air -cooled you know as late 80s one maybe yeah exactly i have a turbo You have a slant nose turbo 930?

[508] Yeah.

[509] Fuck you.

[510] I know.

[511] You do?

[512] Yeah.

[513] And it's white.

[514] Oh my God.

[515] Stuart.

[516] And you've never seen that outside my house?

[517] No. Oh, why would you would have seen me outside like laying on the hood and stuff?

[518] Dude, come drive it.

[519] I'm a host of Top Gear.

[520] And so I did the brand new 9 -11, the new turbo.

[521] And so we went back and we got the very first 930 turbo.

[522] So we had like seven of them throughout the decades and I got to drive them all.

[523] and I was driving that fucking 930, and I was thinking, I might have to have this car.

[524] It screams.

[525] It doesn't want to go slow.

[526] Like, when you pull it out of like a driveway, it's like, it's just sort of stuttering and frustrated and then you go on the freeway and it just starts humming.

[527] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[528] It's incredible.

[529] It's agitated.

[530] Yeah, it's upset.

[531] Yes, it feels like, come on, it's weird.

[532] I don't get your fucking pants off.

[533] So, okay, so what's great about that car and I'm going to explain Monica why that car is so unique.

[534] And it's called The Widowmaker.

[535] That was their, The Porsche Widowmaker.

[536] Oh, that's scary.

[537] This is a very easy concept, though, to understand, I think, is that was the very first turboed Porsche.

[538] And turbos then, the technology wasn't so great where they made power all along the way.

[539] So basically her car is making literally 100 horsepower up until about 4 ,500 RPS.

[540] And then in one second it starts making 300 horse power.

[541] Oh, God.

[542] Because that big old turbo just kicks in and then it's fucking all.

[543] And you are literally, when that happens, glued to your seat.

[544] I mean, it literally is a suction cut.

[545] Are you an adrenaline junkie?

[546] No, I know.

[547] I'm like such an indoor cat, by the way.

[548] You are?

[549] Okay.

[550] No, I'm like, leave me. I don't want to do this crazy shit.

[551] Okay, so you, okay, so, because I could go golfing with you, but you have no desire to ever to go do, like, a track day with me. I would love to do that, and I've been waiting.

[552] So my makeup artist is married to Patrick Dempsey, and he is, like, an obsessive car person.

[553] I've raced with him, yeah.

[554] I've wanted to, I think.

[555] I think she's, I think Jill's done that.

[556] Whatever, he's been urging me to do it.

[557] She does.

[558] She has a great makeup line.

[559] Her makeup is the best.

[560] Oh my God.

[561] I have many pieces.

[562] Should I be wearing it?

[563] Jillian Dempsey.

[564] Oh my gosh.

[565] It's the best eyeliner.

[566] Jay Demp.

[567] So good.

[568] The lid tints are great too.

[569] Yes, that's what I have.

[570] I have a few of the lid tints.

[571] I'm going to leave for a second.

[572] Well, you guys got to do cars.

[573] Now we're going to do makeup.

[574] I want you do.

[575] Wow, that's crazy.

[576] Okay, sorry.

[577] Track Day.

[578] Sorry.

[579] I would love to.

[580] I had to sort of like come out with.

[581] The first thing I said was, this is like the duchiest thing about me, but I do have a $100 ,000 car.

[582] Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[583] And of all people, I'm going to out you, like, you're frugal as a motherfucker.

[584] The other thing is I go by your house and I'm like, God bless this bitch, man. She bought this house like 10 years ago or five.

[585] How long have you lived in that house?

[586] At least 10 years, right?

[587] Yeah, a lot of other actresses who are the face of Chanel would, you know, they might have got some big preposterous house.

[588] Dude, you should walk into my house one day.

[589] There are holes in the walls.

[590] Oh, that's another thing is like You've had like light construction for the whole decade And I have always been obsessed with you You have like a side gate Do you know what I'm talking about?

[591] Of course.

[592] So I just bought a new house Oh, you did?

[593] We're not going to be neighbors?

[594] It's two blocks away.

[595] So I don't like it.

[596] I know.

[597] Right when I'm moving in?

[598] I jumped out.

[599] But like literally I could I could throw a baseball to my house My new house.

[600] So I'm still really close.

[601] I don't like it though.

[602] I thought it was really neat that we had done that movie together there when we were young and now look at us both were neighbors.

[603] I like that.

[604] Even when you never see you in neighborhood.

[605] I think we've only bumped into each other like three times.

[606] I know.

[607] Yeah.

[608] I know this one time I saw you walking with this baby strapped to you and I was like, that's the cutest thing you've ever seen like a life.

[609] Have you ever seen Dax on Halloween with the hay ride?

[610] I jumped into the hay ride this year.

[611] You were in the hay.

[612] Yeah.

[613] Did you not know that?

[614] I did not know that?

[615] No, because I'm in the front of the fucking Tesla.

[616] I'm driving.

[617] Well, this makes me feel better because when I jumped out, I was like, dude thank you that was so fun and you were like yep mm -hmm and just like moving on and i was on the clock no i know you were doing a job what were you dressed as uh like pajamas and i was just dead tired so i couldn't get it together this year because i just been like humbled you went as christen stewart yeah exactly incognito we didn't know we didn't know who was in and out of that hay right because this was year two of it did you observe year one of the hay ride no i never seen it before.

[618] I was like, what the fuck?

[619] I was cooking something.

[620] And my friend Ashley, who also lives in our neighborhood, she was like, Cree, come outside right now.

[621] And I literally like left the burner on and like ran outside.

[622] It was like very event.

[623] It was like really exciting.

[624] Something was happening in the neighborhood.

[625] I was like, oh.

[626] That is the best feedback you could have ever made me feel alive.

[627] Also, I want to tell a story about this because it's something that I've wanted to get out for a long time.

[628] My neighbor is a teenage girl.

[629] and they're really cool and they're really, really nice.

[630] And this one time, she was, like, with her boyfriend trying to leave the neighborhood.

[631] And it's like they didn't know which way they were going to go.

[632] They were, like, figuring something out or whatever.

[633] And I was like, that's cool.

[634] I'm just going, like, go around them.

[635] And then he started going at the same time that I kind of went to go around them.

[636] But, like, nicely.

[637] And I was in my Porsche, my do -my -y Porsche at the time.

[638] Sweet dream machine.

[639] Yeah.

[640] So I kind of had to, in order to, like, avoid a contest.

[641] You end up poke it.

[642] I had to like, yeah.

[643] You had to goose it.

[644] I had to sort of scream around them.

[645] And I looked back and the girl's face was like this.

[646] She was appalled.

[647] Yeah, so the look on Chris's face right now is, what the fuck, bitch?

[648] Yeah, literally.

[649] She was like, that girl is a bitch who sucks and I hate her.

[650] And I was like, oh, no. And then ever since, I do feel like I've never been able to, like, say, like, I didn't mean that.

[651] I didn't, it was a total mistake.

[652] and I love you.

[653] And, like, you've been my neighbor for a long time.

[654] And the idea that I have beef with, like, a teenage girl embarrasses me and makes me feel horrible shame.

[655] And so she was on the hayride.

[656] Oh, do you want?

[657] And I didn't.

[658] No, because she just sat there silently.

[659] And I did, too.

[660] And I should have just in that moment been like, bro, I'm so sorry.

[661] Wow.

[662] Man, so much was happening back there.

[663] I have no fucking clue.

[664] People think, like, when that evening ended, right?

[665] And if you remember, I don't know, did you go down the whole route?

[666] I mean, we went around.

[667] I go to the top, and I do that you turn at the very top.

[668] Were you part of that?

[669] Yeah, because that's where Ashley's house is.

[670] So that's a tight turnaround with a trailer.

[671] Uh -huh.

[672] And then I got to turn into the fucking tiny little alley, that little alley.

[673] You skipped this when we did it.

[674] We did.

[675] You stopped at the bottom of her house, not the top.

[676] Okay.

[677] So afterwards, I got a lot of praise for my driving skills, which I love, because that's all I want people to think is I'm a great driver.

[678] But I was trying to explain to people.

[679] The driving the trailer is not the stressful part of that job at all.

[680] The stressful part is I have to play songs that are Halloween -related the entire time because I've got the music blasting.

[681] So the whole time I'm driving, I'm not looking at anything other than my phone trying to figure out good things on the Spotify playlist of Halloween classics.

[682] You should make a playlist.

[683] I got to do that because it really took me out of it.

[684] It's my stress.

[685] Like I think I played thriller maybe four or five times.

[686] I started feeling guilty.

[687] There's nothing worse than wasting your party hours by like, staring at Spotify.

[688] I do that all the time.

[689] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[690] What's up guys?

[691] It's your girl Kiki and my podcast is back with a new season and let me tell you it's too good and I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest.

[692] Every episode I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[693] And I don't mean just friends.

[694] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox the list goes on.

[695] So follow watch and listen to Baby This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app, or wherever you get your podcast.

[696] We've all been there.

[697] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[698] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[699] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[700] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[701] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[702] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[703] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[704] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon Music.

[705] That she was, yeah, I had no idea.

[706] Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[707] So I'm going to go in reverse now.

[708] Okay, so I watched Spencer last night and truly, truly, truly, truly loved it.

[709] Beyond many things, it's so fucking unique, which at 47, that's really all I'm looking for.

[710] Like, you know, it's like I'm watching this and it immediately has a fingerprint that is special.

[711] And then for me, watching you, I was like, oh my God.

[712] like she fucking did it man oh dude that's the nicest thing i see someone that's so fucking confident and brave and like the degree of failure on the table with that kind of role is infinite yeah i don't have the bravery to do what you did and and not only did you make that choice which made me so i don't want to say proud of you because that feels dismissive but just so happy for you thank you and you're outrageously fucking good in it dude thank you and so i have a bunch of questions about them.

[713] Generally, when I interview people, I have to talk about their movie and I don't want to because I don't care about movies.

[714] You don't?

[715] I mean, just care about people.

[716] I care about you.

[717] Like, I care about the hay ride.

[718] But that's the same thing.

[719] Yes.

[720] Right.

[721] So, but this I really cared about because of knowing you and stuff.

[722] So I was having all these really just lovely feelings about you and just feeling so happy for you and then just so impressed by you.

[723] And then seeing you drive the Porsche and thinking like, oh, she loves driving that Porsche.

[724] Like there's a lot of fun things going on from me. On the left side of the road, which was so weird.

[725] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[726] Yeah.

[727] Yeah.

[728] Yeah.

[729] right hand drive uh Porsche a stick one thing fucking pissed me off i got air one grievance they had you on a trailer once and they didn't fucking turn the car on so the tack is at zero oh my god dude no i hate no one else in the whole that's true probably no one else in the entire world that entire scene all i could do is stare at the tack i'm pretty sure that we were only on a trailer once and it was like the first scene so it's the first scene in the movie yes so i a little bit was like oh no she's not going to really be driving the car in this movie right out the gate that's up For me, it was a big thing that no one else would even notice.

[730] I later in, like, kind of thinking of you, and again, I think I know you much more than I do.

[731] I don't really, I knew you as a child.

[732] And then, of course, I've observed you with great curiosity as you've grown up.

[733] Yeah, but you will have, like, very open, like, beady eyes.

[734] Like, I remember, I'm truly, like, when I was little, I was like, oh, this guy's, like, really, I mean, you've always been like that.

[735] Yeah.

[736] Yeah.

[737] So it makes sense, but, yeah, go on.

[738] Okay, so in trying to figure it out, I was starting to think of, like, what a scary role.

[739] like the accent.

[740] There's so much footage.

[741] Other people have played her.

[742] I'm curious, like, what was your own interest level in the royal family?

[743] Like, I just, I can tell you, I don't really know much about it until I watched The Crown.

[744] It's never interested me, and I'm very judgmental of the whole thing.

[745] So I was just curious first, like, as a kid, was Princess Diana something for you, or no?

[746] No. I mean, like, I knew about her, you know.

[747] I remember when she passed away.

[748] You were young, young, young, yeah.

[749] Okay.

[750] But as I'm watching this movie, and it's this crazy ride through someone at the peak of captivity and having zero power in their life and being observed at all times and never being able to turn that off.

[751] It's not an option.

[752] It's the role.

[753] As it said in the movie, which is beautiful, you guys are just currency.

[754] And I was like, I think of the girl I knew at 14, who I would never describe as an extrovert, No. Yeah, no. Getting in twilight and literally the entire world is now staring at you.

[755] And there's no exit door.

[756] And it's like you want to do the thing because you love the thing.

[757] But now there's no exit door.

[758] And I thought, boy, I wonder if she connected at all to that feeling of Diana during that experience.

[759] Yeah, like, it's hard to be literal about it.

[760] But like, theoretically, I hate that feeling so much.

[761] in thinking about her like that's physical for me I know that feeling and hers was like on such a grander more sort of fucked up scale and it's totally different and I get to be skinless in the way that I want to be and like she didn't and so you at least have a home she didn't have a home yeah so I'll give you that but I will not give you that you couldn't do a goddamn thing without everyone saw everything for a while I know yeah I mean it was real yeah like you playing her driving with a fucking disguise to go to KFC like I guarantee you've fucking done shit like that.

[762] Yeah.

[763] And I've been in like chunks of cars and stuff.

[764] Right, right.

[765] I think I know that that's not a role you've ever really desired.

[766] I'm an ego maniac.

[767] I kind of wanted to be worshipped as a sun god.

[768] And I still kind of do at times.

[769] But I don't think that's ever been you.

[770] So when I was watching the Twilight thing, I was like, this is a very, very, very, very big experience for someone who's not trying to live out loud.

[771] Yeah.

[772] There were parts of it that were really hard and totally sucked.

[773] But it's this strange dichotomy.

[774] I do this thing that I'm so frazzled by because there's something about it that's so beautiful.

[775] And I don't really give a fuck about movies either.

[776] I don't give a fuck about Hollywood, whatever.

[777] But unlike you, I really like people.

[778] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[779] And that's movies.

[780] When they're good, that is movies.

[781] Right.

[782] Yeah.

[783] It's such a transactional thing.

[784] What I'm getting is there's not a word for it.

[785] It's so epic.

[786] It's my whole life experience.

[787] I've never known anything else.

[788] I love it.

[789] give anything to keep doing it.

[790] The exchange is worth it for me, but there's absolutely like a thing that is weird.

[791] You have to be nervous right now.

[792] Oh yeah, like talking about this and not wanting to piss people are thinking, oh fuck you, you were the star at twice, right?

[793] That's what, you know what?

[794] You're not ungrateful if you don't enjoy being fucking followed and photographed all day long.

[795] You're not ungrateful.

[796] You're not undeserving.

[797] You're not a bad person.

[798] You're a fucking human being who is quite young with a good chunk of the world staring at you.

[799] And that is actual trauma.

[800] Like I can't imagine you've maybe thought that, or maybe you have, but I mean, that's actual trauma.

[801] I'm six three.

[802] I'm 200 pounds.

[803] I love to fist fight.

[804] And I have felt fucking terrified many, many, many times, like terrified.

[805] Like, holy shit.

[806] I can't get out of the situation.

[807] Holy shit.

[808] Yeah.

[809] And so if I feel that way as a male who's big, I can only imagine what it's like.

[810] Yeah.

[811] When you shove someone into a corner, you become an animal.

[812] I think I've actually, like, turned the color of a fire truck and had steam come out of my ears like a cartoon.

[813] There have been times where you're so subject to these men and what they're taking from you.

[814] And that is your life.

[815] It's not a picture in a moment.

[816] It's your time and it's your life.

[817] Yes.

[818] And there are moments where I can't believe I haven't killed people.

[819] Like, I can't believe I haven't started following them to their houses.

[820] And, like, you just, like, put a nickel in me and now I'm, like, going.

[821] But, like, yeah, it's something that I'm.

[822] I now have, like, totally processed and taken out of my body because it used to really affect me physically.

[823] And now I just don't let it.

[824] So I am there, too, and I would love to hear how you got there.

[825] Because I think it's funny that we share...

[826] Well, but I think it's funny we share claustophobia in common.

[827] Because to me, that's exactly what it is.

[828] I remember being in an event in Tennessee with Kristen.

[829] She had hosted, like, the CMTs, and we're at the after thing.

[830] And it was just getting overwhelming, overwhelming.

[831] I tried to go hide in the bathroom.

[832] I was like, I just need 15 minutes to fucking not talk to anyone.

[833] and all of a sudden there were people talking to me over the stall and then when I got outside there was like 50 people who wanted to wait to and then they followed me as I walked back to my hotel like I just ditched the car I ditch Chris and I'm having a fucking like survival panic attack like so when I watch like that Britney Spears doc did you watch that?

[834] Yeah.

[835] I think man it took her that long to get the fucking umbrella out of the car like it that's a miracle that is a miracle that she lasted that long.

[836] Oh, I know.

[837] I can't believe that I have not.

[838] done the same thing.

[839] There's that picture of Sean Penn. Yes.

[840] Oh, I love it.

[841] That needs to be framed in my house.

[842] Yeah, it's a great photo.

[843] For anyone that hasn't seen it, it is literally like, you are about to be socked in the face by Sean Penn. And the look on his face is like, you're done, bro.

[844] You're done.

[845] You're out.

[846] Like, yeah.

[847] That punch followed through and it was just the image right before the guy got knocked out to house.

[848] Exactly.

[849] I've said things that I don't mean.

[850] Like, I've said things out loud that, like, have left my mouth.

[851] And I've been like, wait, Hold on, that is, I would never speak to a person like that.

[852] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[853] Yeah.

[854] They're putting you in a fight or flight situation.

[855] Like, so, yeah, things are going to come out.

[856] Your body's going to do things that doesn't normally do all of it.

[857] Like, it's a life or death situation.

[858] We're talking about fucking Princess Diana.

[859] So guess what?

[860] Yeah.

[861] You can suck a dick if you think it's not life or death.

[862] God, that's so satisfying.

[863] You can say it.

[864] It's true.

[865] It's true.

[866] It's true.

[867] It ended in death.

[868] And fucking Britney Spears.

[869] Almost fucking died from it.

[870] And a lot of people almost.

[871] die from it.

[872] And if you don't die from it in public, you're self -medicating in a way that you die from it or you're fucking in a way you die from it.

[873] You do something.

[874] You have to claim some control back in some way and those often are not the best solutions at times.

[875] So it might not get you in the way you think, but it's a bizarre fucking situation.

[876] Yeah.

[877] And it's fine.

[878] And we want it.

[879] And it's weird because it's like this immovable thing because I'm like, I want everyone to see my movie.

[880] I'm like, I'm totally here to like make that happen.

[881] But the dream is like you're, What was the Miley Cyrus TV show?

[882] Hannah, Hannah Montana.

[883] Yeah, like, the dream is like your Hannah Montana.

[884] It's like, you're Christmas sewer and you want to be when you want to go work.

[885] And then, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[886] Well, it's like that thing in the movie, actually, not to be like, this is embarrassing.

[887] I'm like, I myself am bringing it back to the movie.

[888] No, please do.

[889] Like, when he says, like, there needs to be two of you.

[890] Have you heard that before?

[891] Because I've had so many people be like when I've been stressing on interviews or just sort of, like, I try to dread.

[892] Yeah, yeah, you get exhausted.

[893] I try to dread less now because then you're, like, wasting your time before.

[894] something and it's never as bad as you think it's going to be and it's actually like so much more fun if you like enjoy it and la la la la la but when people used to say that's me i'd be like that is not possible what you're going to like be a different person than you are it's not possible and so therefore when you can't do it you feel like you're failing and you're like wait no that's logical yeah it doesn't make sense it's a sophysian which monica taught me that's my favorite word it's not a real word it's not a real word it's a sycifice is a real thing but wait so how Did you figure out how to not let it affect your body?

[895] I think I'm just very callous now.

[896] No, I'm kidding.

[897] I don't know.

[898] Let me see.

[899] You want me to go first and then you can think about, okay.

[900] So the thing that I think clicked for me was a couple aspects.

[901] And it's funny because it's one of the primary tenets of A .A., which I'm a member of, which is acceptance is the answer to all of my problems.

[902] And so I had to start getting honest with myself and having appropriate expectations.

[903] Like really what it was is I'm not telling myself on the way to LAX like bro you're going to get to LAX and a lot of people are going to want pictures with you and you're going to be in a hurry and you're going to be juggling two kids and you're going to have luggage and that's all coming and all I got to do is say that to myself on the way of the airport and then when it starts happening I go right right yeah yeah yeah we know this what happened the breakthrough for me a little bit was we were at the airport and I think we had one kid yet and we were again we were late all this shit chaos chaos chaos we're trying to fucking check in to get our tickets and I literally feel someone poked me on the shoulder and And I turn around and a woman has an iPhone like six inches from my face filming me. And she's like, Crosby, where are you going on vacation or whatever?

[904] And I snapped, which I don't really do.

[905] And I especially don't do to women.

[906] But I go, I lost it.

[907] And I go, hey, you're not at the fucking zoo and I'm not a fucking animal.

[908] Whoa.

[909] And like the whole kind of area heard that.

[910] Right.

[911] And I'm like, oh, God, that's going to be in the paper, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[912] We get on the plane.

[913] You know, my wife's like, hon, you have, you know, You got to be kinder to people.

[914] They're excited to see you and stuff I know.

[915] But I really like when I got tapped and I turned in, there was a camera.

[916] I lost it.

[917] So we get on the airplane and the woman that had done that walked by my seat and dropped a note on my lap.

[918] And I opened it up and I read it.

[919] And she said, I'm so ashamed.

[920] I treated you like you weren't a human being.

[921] And I'm better than that.

[922] And I like literally got emotional and I got out of my seat and I went and found her.

[923] And I said, I too, I'm so fucking sorry.

[924] Sorry, because I don't want to treat anyone like I just treated you, and I'm so sorry.

[925] And we fucking hugged.

[926] And I was like, I've got to jump to that part.

[927] I definitely have, like, relinquished, too.

[928] It's just, you have to just go.

[929] You have to start floating through it versus, like, fighting these waves.

[930] You're not stronger than that.

[931] It's not.

[932] And also, it feels so much better to go with it.

[933] It feels better.

[934] It can be enjoyable.

[935] And it's so annoying to admit that because it's like, that's what everyone said, and you're like, listen, this was my own journey to this lesson.

[936] You have to learn it yourself.

[937] It's like having, I don't have kids, but I can imagine you watch them have to like just learn hard lessons all the time.

[938] This is something that you cannot know until you physically do it.

[939] I can't agree with you more.

[940] So for people that think this theoretically, I'm like, fuck you, you don't know.

[941] But I do know that what you're saying technically is true, but you just don't understand it.

[942] Exactly.

[943] Like, things can often be intellectually clear in your head.

[944] That doesn't mean they're emotionally clear in your body.

[945] Totally.

[946] One thing I really thought was very interesting about the movie was it felt like a horror movie.

[947] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[948] And I was like, oh, my God.

[949] Like, I was, like, scared during it.

[950] And then I was like, this is how she felt.

[951] She was living in a horror movie.

[952] Yeah.

[953] And again, it's the thing you're just afraid to say out loud.

[954] And I'm afraid to say out loud, which is there are aspects of this fairy tale life I have that I don't like and that make me feel powerless.

[955] And so when you're watching it, like, again, when you say something, now it's in print, it looks different.

[956] If I don't watch the movie and I don't get in your head and I don't feel it.

[957] And I'm telling people, well, they made her wear these outfits.

[958] And they're like, oh, yeah, they made her wear really nice outfits.

[959] On the surface, it's like, what are you so been out of shape about?

[960] It's not that big of a deal.

[961] But what is a big deal is loss of autonomy.

[962] It's life or death if you don't have autonomy.

[963] So you will either die or fight your way out of it.

[964] Yeah, it's like if you ask someone to not exist and then you like sort of are confused about why they're having an identity crisis, it's like, well, yeah, for sure.

[965] Like there's no clear job either.

[966] It was like she was so useful and so.

[967] impactful and unstoppable and they just didn't know where to put that at all and it needed somewhere to go it wasn't just going to go nowhere that is an energy thing that is just true and so it was like imploding and and had it been reversed let's say she was the daughter and married Charles and he was the outsider she would have been treated like Winston Churchill like she had the capability like they went to go on those first tours and no one gave a fuck about the husband they loved her like the world was mad for her you know and it had to be threatening like now she has leverage like england the world loved her and that's dangerous and she could bring the whole fucking thing down and take attention away yeah like the thing that starts with her story and ends with prince henry's prince harry love you we had him on i interviewed him yeah oh trippy cool oh i'm going to listen he's sitting right where he was really cool yeah fucking sexy too i didn't think he looked sexy like in photos, and then I met, I'm like, this dude is a fucking stud.

[968] It's like, it doesn't matter.

[969] There's a lot going on in that story, and some of it is misogyny.

[970] Like, she had her powers and her charisma, and the roles were reversed, it would have been a different story.

[971] It could have been like a new chapter in the royal.

[972] She could have taken that thing somewhere.

[973] Absolutely.

[974] I mean, the internal thing about the movie, too, like, I don't know her.

[975] I'll never know her.

[976] It is such a personal movie, oddly, because it's, like, totally about this historical figure, but at the same time, it is just, like, our perception and and we're talking about perception and the way people see you, no one is wrong about you.

[977] It's just their experience with you.

[978] No one is wrong about you.

[979] So it's so trippy to be like, you don't know me. It's like, what is that?

[980] You have given someone an experience and that is theirs.

[981] Like, what are you talking about?

[982] Yeah.

[983] But what I like about the movie and what I think is so cool and bold, like, I'm so proud of Pablo.

[984] When you feel like you want to kill someone or if you feel really upset about something, the way that you describe it is like, you're like, dude, I'm, ah, I feel like, My head is going to pop off my body.

[985] And he, like, popped her head off her body.

[986] Like, it feels like...

[987] Oh, right.

[988] It feels like a, like, a nightmare.

[989] Mm -hmm.

[990] And, like, it feels like you've jumped inside someone's body.

[991] 100%.

[992] It feels like John Malkovich style.

[993] Yeah.

[994] Okay, so I have, like, a technical question that I got curious about with the movie, which is, um, the score is insane.

[995] I don't know that I've seen too many movies where the score wasn't so perfectly woven into the experience.

[996] Like, when I'm watching you, it's, hard to imagine you're not hearing that score because it's just so perfectly paired.

[997] I started wondering, like, did you guys have any of that music beforehand?

[998] So we had a little bit of it.

[999] I hate to say this really quick, but scores obviously the music that is created originally for the movie as opposed to source music.

[1000] So we're talking about the music that was written specifically for the film.

[1001] Yeah.

[1002] So he wrote some of it like before we did it and we had that piece.

[1003] There's a scene where I eat a pearl necklace.

[1004] Yeah.

[1005] So intense.

[1006] It also made me want to chew pearls.

[1007] No, I was like, don't do it.

[1008] Do not do it.

[1009] I was like freaking out.

[1010] It gave me PICA, that disease where people eat random objects.

[1011] I'm like, I want to eat some burles.

[1012] Sorry, yeah, in that scene?

[1013] Yeah, I know.

[1014] I'm like, you have fucking, yeah, I know.

[1015] Have you seen The Great?

[1016] Yes, I love the Great.

[1017] I am so obsessed with that show.

[1018] We just had Nicholas on.

[1019] He is one of my favorite humans in life.

[1020] So you guys are friends?

[1021] Yeah, he's made a hole in one, too.

[1022] He's like a magic person.

[1023] I've always been such a huge fan.

[1024] I love every movie he's ever done.

[1025] I love watching him in everything, even in bad movies.

[1026] I'm like, oh, it's a Nick movie, I need to see it.

[1027] Like, I love him.

[1028] He's never been better.

[1029] I just, and I hate saying that.

[1030] I hate when people say that about other people's performances.

[1031] It's like, I just literally watch him in that show, and I'm amazed at how charming and beautiful and tender and funny and just, I, like, he's unbelievable in it.

[1032] Well, he does something that you can recognize as an actor, which is like he takes this role where you're supposed to hate his fucking guts the first season.

[1033] Yeah.

[1034] And he's a monster.

[1035] Yeah.

[1036] And you just love him.

[1037] And you want him to be in love, which is so fucked up.

[1038] You're like, I'm like pining for them to fucking be together.

[1039] The last episode slaughtered me. I have one left of season two.

[1040] I was like in pieces sobbing.

[1041] Oh, my God.

[1042] We're going to go golfing.

[1043] We're going to watch the gray.

[1044] We're going to do a time.

[1045] Wait, does he have pika?

[1046] How did we get here?

[1047] So Elle Fanning's character has it.

[1048] When she's pregnant, she's eating all this dirt.

[1049] And I'm like, dude, I can't stand it.

[1050] I'm like, stop it.

[1051] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1052] Oh, right.

[1053] That's the connection.

[1054] Yeah, yeah.

[1055] Yeah, she's mowing dirt.

[1056] But you had the music, the violin music.

[1057] All right.

[1058] So they were playing it live.

[1059] There was a string sort of section in present in the room.

[1060] Right, right.

[1061] They were practically playing.

[1062] Yeah.

[1063] And it was like, that sound is so unbelievably grading.

[1064] And also it kind of like made me realize like, oh, this is more heightened than even the script implies.

[1065] Like, this is truly, this is the tippy top of the Everest nightmare.

[1066] Yes.

[1067] This is like when it's about to break.

[1068] Yeah, everything's about to disintegrate.

[1069] Yeah.

[1070] And structurally collapse.

[1071] Yeah.

[1072] And the weird thing is I was listening to like so much pop music when we were doing some of the dancey stuff like for the montage.

[1073] Yeah.

[1074] We were listening to talking heads.

[1075] We were listening to like Pat Benatar and like Phil Collins like cry in the bathroom floor 80s ballads and I think it created this like weird friction between what you're hearing for me the score is so like what it feels like to be sad and to be scared and to be like locked inside of something and then when it picks up and starts soaring it has this like poiency and levity and it feels like beautiful and it's supporting her and she's kind of sort of floating in it and it's like it trembles because there's so much jazz in it yeah and it feels like sultry and sexy and like she also has so much desire in her that she just wants it's like she wants so badly to just have anything well she's a human that on her own would have gone and had everything yeah i mean literally she had the skills set and it was just about to yeah and it's and that's why it really sucks is the whole time you're watching the movie you know what happened and so it's like every win everything that feels like it lands is like fuck yeah it also is so heavy and like laid in with this idea that we've lost her but yeah this movie doesn't exist without that music like it is such a huge part i think like the trent resner music probably in in social network like also had that where i was like it's in the film somehow like it's in you know johnny greenwood has done every movie this year as well it's like power of the dog licorice pizza oh wow johnny green one for anyone doesn't know is also like part of radio head it is kind of staggering yeah yeah yeah back to talking heads because i'm really hoping between the 930 Porsche, I want this to be another thing.

[1076] Do you have a favorite talking head song?

[1077] Because my very favorite song on planet Earth is by the talking heads.

[1078] Tell me yours.

[1079] What one?

[1080] Do you have one?

[1081] Well, is yours like obvious?

[1082] Could be.

[1083] Like, is it like one of the bangers?

[1084] I mean, they're all bangers, but like, is it like one of the -nave melody.

[1085] Home, homes.

[1086] I have listened to that song for upwards of six hours on repeat.

[1087] I'm a psychopath for repeat songs.

[1088] Like I will listen for same for hours the same song a whole day of the same song i've been doing it for four days right yeah i'm in a particular groove right now with like five songs i've put together i just can't stop are you oCD or do you have oCD tendencies i have certain tendencies for sure both of us do and we have repeat song syndrome and monica's repeat movie syndrome yeah been the freakiest level you've ever seen how many times did you watch contagion when the pandemic first started you literally watch it like 13 times probably like in a row i like I couldn't stop watching it.

[1089] That sounds horrible.

[1090] I know, but it felt so good.

[1091] But then I saw an Instagram slide that I forwarded to her.

[1092] And it said people with anxiety like to rewatch movies because they want to know how it ends.

[1093] They know how it ends.

[1094] It's so comforting knowing how it ends.

[1095] That makes total sense.

[1096] I'm not even into like horoscopy things that much, but suddenly I got curious what your sign was.

[1097] Capricorn.

[1098] Oh.

[1099] It was just my birthday.

[1100] Oh, word.

[1101] Happy birthday.

[1102] When's your birthday?

[1103] April.

[1104] And what's that sign?

[1105] Aries.

[1106] I feel like I may, um, whatever the third is, not the moon, then there's another one.

[1107] And I think that one I'm ary.

[1108] So we don't like horoscopes either, or we don't believe in astrology.

[1109] Let's start there.

[1110] Monica and I. Yet Monica has found some account and she keeps forwarding them to me. And they're dead on.

[1111] They're so fucking freaky.

[1112] It's like, you don't know what to do with it.

[1113] Isn't it so annoying when you don't believe in something?

[1114] Like, equivocally do not believe in it because based on so many things that you know To be true.

[1115] Yes, yes.

[1116] And then they just like are true.

[1117] I know.

[1118] And you're like, wait, stop.

[1119] This makes no sense.

[1120] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[1121] We have to tell Kristen about England.

[1122] The headphones?

[1123] Yeah.

[1124] Kristen was shooting a movie for six weeks in London and I guess November and December of this year.

[1125] And so I had the girls here by myself for four those weeks.

[1126] And then for two of the weeks, I took them to visit her, right?

[1127] And that puts me in a terrible thing for me right away.

[1128] It's just like I have no control over the situation.

[1129] You know, wherever she's picked to be, she's got to work, but she wants to see the kids and kids want to see.

[1130] There's just all these things going on.

[1131] And I'm at my worst when I don't feel like I have a big say -so and everything, right?

[1132] And it just started getting worse and worse and worse.

[1133] So the point where we went for a fun weekend to Paris.

[1134] Those were air quotes around that.

[1135] And there was a moment.

[1136] And I wonder if you do this.

[1137] I wonder if this is part of your claustrophobia as well.

[1138] we're at this place Monica and I wanted to have some fucking neat coffees and some croissants and shit so we're able to get a table at a place you cannot get a table thank God the upside of all of it is I get us a table so exciting a table but now my kids start fighting in a manner that I personally wouldn't do it this way and then Kristen's in charge of the whole thing so now they're taking up two tables we're not allowed to have two tables and you know how French people feel about us So, I mean, we are immediately, everything I'm trying to not be in France, a big, obnoxious, annoying, loud American.

[1139] And we are the loudest obnoxious.

[1140] Two of the girls are screaming.

[1141] They're like, my claustrophobic kind of thinking is like, I've got to get out of here.

[1142] Not just that.

[1143] This moment that I feel like right now is how I'm going to feel for eternity.

[1144] Because these are my children and my wife, and I'm not going anywhere.

[1145] So, like, when it's bad, I convince myself, I am going to be locked in this feeling for the rest of my life.

[1146] and I start coming unglued.

[1147] So we get back to, we're staying at Bradley Cooper's awesome fucking apartment in Paris.

[1148] We get back to the apartment.

[1149] It is, what, three in the afternoon?

[1150] Yeah.

[1151] And I'm going to go by Molly.

[1152] We've been there for three hours.

[1153] I'm going to go by Molly and a fifth of Jack and I'm going to go to Prague and everyone can fuck off.

[1154] I mean, that is where my mind is at.

[1155] Like, I'm at the point where I am going to obliterate my whole life.

[1156] That's how ridiculously overreacting I feel.

[1157] So instead of that, I say to them, I'm going to take some time in Bradley's bedroom.

[1158] And then I go into his bedroom.

[1159] And for about seven hours, I listen to my earmax.

[1160] And I remember, oh, St. Germain.

[1161] I like St. Germain.

[1162] And we're in France.

[1163] You know St. Germain?

[1164] That band?

[1165] Really incredible.

[1166] So I started listening to St. Germain.

[1167] And then that starts taking me. And then now, and I'm remembering this.

[1168] And this is what I want to ask you about.

[1169] I'm remembering, oh, right, man, this has always been my safety net.

[1170] Like when I was in junior high and I was in love with someone and I was heartbroken and everything like the cure would just be on, on, on, on, on.

[1171] And then I remembered how many times I've gotten myself through by just surrendering to music and finding something that gives me a feeling that's better than the other one.

[1172] And I'll just live in it as long as I can.

[1173] Totally.

[1174] So these headphones became this whole thing.

[1175] So I'm like, I got to get through the rest of this trip.

[1176] And when that chaos starts so that I don't scream and blow up And I don't want to react And I'm in a vulnerable spot So for the next three days Every time chaos breaks out I fucking put on St. Germain I put my headphones on We're in a cab at some point For two hours, it's insane It was a nightmare Like there was all this shit going down In the cab we didn't know where we were Everything was blocked off And it also seemed like Where's he taking us This doesn't look right like it was It's the bone collector And we're coming home from Paris which was a very miserable experience for everybody.

[1177] And the kids are the kids.

[1178] And Dax has his headphones on it.

[1179] I keep looking over like, why the fuck do I have to sit here?

[1180] You're just leaving me alone with this?

[1181] Because Monica, you're not a threat to everyone's physical safety.

[1182] I know that.

[1183] I know, but I was so, like, resentful in the moment of like, why the fuck do I have to sit here and endure this?

[1184] Will he just have headphones on and escape?

[1185] And then the next day, we were looking at the astrology.

[1186] And it was like, what does this person pack on vacation?

[1187] And Capricorn was noise -canceling headphones.

[1188] Holy, literally, the next day.

[1189] What was, what was Kristen's?

[1190] Yours was good.

[1191] Christens was pretty fucking, and then mine was mind -blowing.

[1192] I'm like, what?

[1193] Why would they put headphones in a horoscope?

[1194] Like, I've never read the words headphones.

[1195] And to add the noise -canceling part is so specific.

[1196] The thing is, this isn't real.

[1197] This is a simulation.

[1198] Do you believe in it?

[1199] We're the biggest proponents of this.

[1200] him.

[1201] That's all we talk about.

[1202] I've just unfortunately done this movie that like sent me into such an existential spiral that I don't look at anything like it exists anymore.

[1203] I made this movie about the internet like kind of trying to fall in love with itself after there are no people left on the earth and it's like just a big ball of ice.

[1204] It's really cool.

[1205] And the directors are wild and I read Sapiens and Homo Deus while making this movie and so I couldn't.

[1206] I was like every reality was breaking and folding in on itself and nothing's real and Oh, whoa.

[1207] We've had you all a couple times, and he's one of these people where you go, holy smokes, this person understands the entire picture.

[1208] It's mind -blown.

[1209] Yeah, but once you start seeing that it's a sim, then it's everywhere.

[1210] Then it's like, it's just so obviously a sim, yeah.

[1211] Frequency of a liberal arts education.

[1212] But we want to invite you into it because what we've actually discovered, which is really fun, is that, You, me, Monica, we are in her father's sim.

[1213] So her father bought.

[1214] Sorry, and congrats.

[1215] Yes, because it worked out great for all three of us.

[1216] Oh, yeah, I'm chilling.

[1217] He bought a great fucking package.

[1218] I don't think he paid his dues this month because things have gone off the rails a little bit in 2022, but.

[1219] In his sim, he leaves India.

[1220] And then he becomes a very, very successful and respected engineer.

[1221] and he builds this great family and he has this little daughter and she shouldn't but she becomes a state champion cheerleader which he can't even understand what that means.

[1222] He's from India.

[1223] He's like, what are you talking about?

[1224] You're going to wear that outfit and do the thing?

[1225] We did a little interview with him and I said, what were your thoughts during that?

[1226] And he said, well, I thought she wouldn't be good enough to make the team so I didn't even worry about it.

[1227] She's a two -time state champion.

[1228] But anyways, then she moves to California.

[1229] They're scared about that and then she becomes wildly successful.

[1230] And so it's his sim, and we're all so thankful to Ashok.

[1231] So anytime you want to give, you know, praise.

[1232] Right, right, right.

[1233] Just know where we came from.

[1234] Or blame.

[1235] Either one.

[1236] He'll take both.

[1237] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1238] It's his sim.

[1239] That's so funny.

[1240] That's so cute.

[1241] God, your voice is so, you know this.

[1242] You are loud.

[1243] It is like the treble is on high.

[1244] It was really overwhelming.

[1245] Overwhelming.

[1246] Now I'm going to whisper to you.

[1247] When Kristen and I started dating, I think we were dating, for maybe about a month and a half.

[1248] And she looked at me at one point.

[1249] She goes, hey, where's your volume knob?

[1250] She goes, I want to turn you down like 80 % volume.

[1251] So what you're actually witnessing is a huge improvement, if you can imagine that.

[1252] Right.

[1253] This is like the tempered, wise father.

[1254] Right.

[1255] Dad voice.

[1256] I love you.

[1257] It's been so fun to get to talk to you like this.

[1258] And it's been so fun to just watch everything.

[1259] and I've just been so proud and I'm so happy for you.

[1260] Thank you, dude.

[1261] Isn't it fun expressing your feelings?

[1262] Dude, there's nothing like it.

[1263] It's so nice.

[1264] You're so good at it.

[1265] Are you an actor?

[1266] I used to be.

[1267] It didn't go so well for me. Not true.

[1268] I'm teasing.

[1269] I had a lovely, lovely ride.

[1270] But yeah, really, really, really fun to get to see you again like this and watch you grow up.

[1271] And the movie's so fucking great and you're absolutely incredible.

[1272] And I love you.

[1273] And I hope we get to do this again.

[1274] Thank you so much.

[1275] Dude, I love you too.

[1276] Nice to meet you.

[1277] Yeah, nice to meet you.

[1278] Hopefully I see you in the hood, even though you're moving, but you've got to come back.

[1279] Well, she'll be here for the hay ride.

[1280] Oh, I'm not going anywhere.

[1281] This neighborhood has an attraction now.

[1282] Yeah.

[1283] We have a theme ride here.

[1284] Yeah.

[1285] I've seen, like, a few, like, poster boards for coffee, like, moments that people are having in our neighborhood.

[1286] Have you been involved in that?

[1287] No, I would love to do that.

[1288] I haven't seen those.

[1289] People are getting together to have coffee?

[1290] Yeah.

[1291] I don't know that there was, like, a coffee truck or something.

[1292] Like, it's on a movie or something.

[1293] It's actually a great idea.

[1294] We should do, like, trucks for the neighborhood.

[1295] Fuck yeah.

[1296] You know.

[1297] That's a great idea.

[1298] Do you eat in and out?

[1299] I do.

[1300] So, like, I volunteer to get a fucking in and out truck, park it at, right at the top there, man. That would be so fun.

[1301] Block party.

[1302] Yes.

[1303] I like this.

[1304] And it's a fucking crew.

[1305] Oh, yeah.

[1306] It is a very, I mean, we're cool here.

[1307] Yeah.

[1308] It's a good neighborhood.

[1309] It's a good neighborhood.

[1310] We're all spoiled.

[1311] All right.

[1312] I love you.

[1313] I love you.

[1314] I love you, Wabi.

[1315] Everyone see Spencer.

[1316] It's fantastic.

[1317] I think you can go to Amazon to watch it.

[1318] Is that where you're.

[1319] Yeah, I watched it on Amazon.

[1320] It's streamable.

[1321] I think it's like worth of Google.

[1322] Yeah.

[1323] If you figured out how to listen to this episode of the show, you can probably figure out of find Spencer.

[1324] So please do and enjoy and I love everyone.

[1325] Bye.

[1326] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1327] What is an espresso machines like?

[1328] What are they like?

[1329] They're good.

[1330] Please, I apologize.

[1331] I'm misrepresenting you an espresso.

[1332] But my experience with them is that you're having more of a cappuccino.

[1333] out of one of those.

[1334] Yeah.

[1335] Or an espresso shot or, you know, those pods seem to, they don't want to, unless I'm wrong, there's probably a way to make a regular Americano with it.

[1336] But Akirik just gives you a cup of coffee.

[1337] It's a drip coffee.

[1338] Exactly.

[1339] Now, see, I'm looking for a latte situation.

[1340] Okay.

[1341] So how can I get that at home?

[1342] I tell you what, I'm going to text my friend Eric Dane.

[1343] Shout out Eric Dane because I just was at his house and he had some other.

[1344] Maybe it was an espresso.

[1345] So I don't know.

[1346] Okay.

[1347] But he did keep banging out caps for us, and they were fucking delicious.

[1348] Really?

[1349] Yes.

[1350] Okay.

[1351] I'm interested in that because you know I go on my coffee walks.

[1352] I know, but that's, should we get you on?

[1353] I want you to keep going to walk to your coffee.

[1354] It's such a great habit.

[1355] It is.

[1356] And I'm going to keep doing it, but maybe like midday.

[1357] There we go.

[1358] Now we're picking up the page.

[1359] Midday coffee.

[1360] I love to see where this is going.

[1361] You know, it's not a, it's not a cheap establishment.

[1362] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1363] I love it, obviously.

[1364] But it's a pricey habit.

[1365] Twice a day would, might knock me out.

[1366] We have a fucking breaking news alert.

[1367] Like a full -blown three -alarm fire breaking news alert.

[1368] What is it?

[1369] Your earrings.

[1370] Oh, shit.

[1371] And I'm going to publicly pressure you because the video is so amazing.

[1372] It's so amazing.

[1373] My sister's watching the video so much that she says she has anxiety.

[1374] It's going to disappear.

[1375] She said, is this permanent this video?

[1376] I understand.

[1377] She is someone who really enjoys seeing gross stuff and surgery.

[1378] She probably watches that pimple popper guy.

[1379] I bet.

[1380] Not everyone is like that.

[1381] Can I try to assuage your fears?

[1382] Is that what you say assuage?

[1383] Sure.

[1384] I don't know.

[1385] Look, we put a carousel together and we say, hey, man, if you don't like gross shit, don't swipe left.

[1386] Yeah.

[1387] You're not comfortable with that?

[1388] I just, you know, I don't want people to think I'm gross.

[1389] That's just what it is.

[1390] Yeah, no one thinks you're gross.

[1391] Everyone thinks you're so special and smart and beautiful.

[1392] and talented and ambitious and industrious and responsible.

[1393] I think they'll think I'm gross if they see that.

[1394] Okay.

[1395] Let's not get bogged down in the video.

[1396] Let's just talk about the experience.

[1397] Okay.

[1398] I insisted because I looked at it and we fought about it in the fact check.

[1399] And I looked at it and I said both sides of both holes.

[1400] Yes.

[1401] Four active infections according to this doctor.

[1402] Yes.

[1403] And okay, at first I was like, this is.

[1404] He's pliers.

[1405] Like, I just don't know.

[1406] You know, I was skeptical.

[1407] I was skeptical.

[1408] As you should be, man. With your health, you should be skeptical.

[1409] Also, it was hurting.

[1410] Yeah, it's a very sensitive error.

[1411] I mean, guys, fuck.

[1412] Again, I got to not get bogged down on the video.

[1413] But, yeah, man, it was...

[1414] You can talk about the video if you want.

[1415] Well, I just wanted to say, like, it fucking needed to come out.

[1416] Like, if I've ever seen anything that needed to come out, it was those two earrings.

[1417] Yeah.

[1418] I hadn't really anticipated, like, this might hurt.

[1419] Right.

[1420] Then I was like, wait, they actually hurt just as is.

[1421] Yeah, if you start moving them.

[1422] So if there's pliers, like, it's probably really going to hurt.

[1423] So then I started to get a little anxious.

[1424] But you went, you got your pliers, you brought back all this stuff.

[1425] I got wire cutters.

[1426] Oh, I'm sorry.

[1427] Really small wire cutters.

[1428] Really small wire cutters.

[1429] And then you had alcohol, irrigation fluid.

[1430] A syringe.

[1431] Shout out to Carly.

[1432] She had the irrigation fluid and the syringe.

[1433] I had the pliers and the alcohol.

[1434] You really scrubbed in for it.

[1435] Exactly.

[1436] And I really cleaned my instruments really well.

[1437] You did.

[1438] And let's be honest, man. I didn't go buy a fresh set of pliers.

[1439] Like I just went to my old garage.

[1440] Yeah.

[1441] And so I like, I fucking scrub those bitches with alcohol.

[1442] Like, you know, I had alcohol pads and the whole thing.

[1443] You had it all.

[1444] And then I really alcoholed the fuck out of your ear before I even started.

[1445] I enjoyed it so much because of the trust.

[1446] It was a really scary.

[1447] It was, I would be scared to have me remove those earrings from my own ear.

[1448] Well, let's remind people that the earrings, they're too hooped.

[1449] They're closed.

[1450] They're very close to each other.

[1451] Oh, no, I said closed.

[1452] They're closed loops.

[1453] There's no backing or anything.

[1454] It's a perfect loop.

[1455] Exactly.

[1456] Hence why we have to cut them out.

[1457] And they're hugging my ears.

[1458] So it's not like.

[1459] And the ears very swollen.

[1460] Yes.

[1461] So there's not much room to play.

[1462] There's not a lot of play.

[1463] Like, if I could have cut those things out the day you got them.

[1464] Yeah.

[1465] So easily, probably.

[1466] Yeah.

[1467] What sucked is I went in on the top one first.

[1468] It was great.

[1469] We put you on a pretty high chair.

[1470] Not a high chair, but a higher chair.

[1471] Baby chair.

[1472] Yeah, directly under one of the down lights, overhead lights.

[1473] So I had really good lighting.

[1474] Yeah.

[1475] And you leaned your head to the side and we got going.

[1476] And so I can't imagine what you'd feel like watching the video because it's such a tiny area.

[1477] So any handshaking, like if you would have saw, you would have panicked, you know, let's just say that.

[1478] And I got to cut each loop I figured out that I've got to, what I have to do is cut a section of these earrings out.

[1479] I can't just cut them once, right?

[1480] I got to cut a section out.

[1481] So the first snip, golden.

[1482] And this is on the worst year.

[1483] Yeah.

[1484] Then I got to the second snip, boom, pull it out.

[1485] Why didn't that fall out?

[1486] Fuck, that second cut didn't cut.

[1487] And I had to go back in.

[1488] And I was like, oh, you, I hit it.

[1489] Not your ear.

[1490] I never got your ear.

[1491] No. I got that on.

[1492] And then I hit the second one, and then it came up pretty good.

[1493] And then I had to pull and snake them through.

[1494] How did that part feel?

[1495] What part felt like what?

[1496] One part.

[1497] hurt.

[1498] I don't know what part was.

[1499] I couldn't see anything.

[1500] But you were very gentle.

[1501] Thank you.

[1502] And you did a really good job.

[1503] I was really impressed.

[1504] Especially, I didn't think about the fact that you would have to take out a whole piece.

[1505] Yeah.

[1506] And so what was so gratifying, and I guarantee it's the part that Carly's watching over and over and over again, which is I took the bottom one out first.

[1507] It's weird.

[1508] Like, I could see the ear made a noise when I pulled it out.

[1509] It didn't make a noise.

[1510] But I could see a noise.

[1511] always came out.

[1512] Oh, sure.

[1513] And it was like, oh, yeah.

[1514] You know, so that was, the first one was like, relief, right?

[1515] But the second one, I got that one out, and then just all this blood just oozed immediately out of the back.

[1516] There was just this wonderful, like, kind of explosion of blood, and then it was over.

[1517] And then we took you over to the sink.

[1518] Yeah.

[1519] And we started irrigating the holes with this setup Carl supplied.

[1520] And it feels good.

[1521] I'm having a lot of trouble not touching it, not wanting to pick it with little scabbies.

[1522] I picked at a scabby.

[1523] Okay.

[1524] Was it pussy?

[1525] No, just crusty.

[1526] That's great.

[1527] What we want to see no more of is white blood cells.

[1528] Yeah.

[1529] That's really what we're hoping for.

[1530] It got serious in there.

[1531] Yeah.

[1532] I took it serious.

[1533] But I felt very comfortable with you as my surgeon.

[1534] That's what kind of boggles me about your fear level is you.

[1535] are intensely strong.

[1536] And not just strong, you have an incredible endurance and tolerance for pain.

[1537] That's why you were able to be a cheerleader.

[1538] Yet in your mind, you're afraid of these painful things, but you're fine.

[1539] You are a very, very strong person.

[1540] And your mind is so fucking powerful that you can do some shit.

[1541] Thank you.

[1542] It's true.

[1543] We got in this crazy conversation.

[1544] I was saying that I had a moment at a stoplight by Charlie and Erica as I was driving the Grom over to his house.

[1545] to drop off.

[1546] And when I was at the light, I just started thinking about Erica, and I thought, man, she had such a fucking hard year with that knee.

[1547] I was such a hard, hard year.

[1548] And I was kind of feeling bad about that.

[1549] And then I brought that up to the girls at night for some reason.

[1550] And then they said, Daddy, you've had all those surgeries, though.

[1551] Did they hurt?

[1552] And I'm like, they don't.

[1553] I don't care.

[1554] You know, they don't hurt.

[1555] I don't care.

[1556] When I went over the handlebars on the motorcycle, I drove two more sessions, you know.

[1557] So what I, personally believe is that at some age I decided the message I was going to send to the world was I'm invincible.

[1558] And so if I'm invincible, you can't hurt me and you're not even going to try.

[1559] You're going to go on to someone else that you think is mortal.

[1560] All subconsciously, of course, but it actually works.

[1561] Like, that's the fucking weird thing is that it works.

[1562] I'm not in pain.

[1563] It's so far outside of my identity that I don't experience it.

[1564] It's not like I feel it and then talk my way out of it.

[1565] I just simply don't care.

[1566] You mean physical pain?

[1567] Physical pain.

[1568] Okay.

[1569] Emotional pain.

[1570] I'm a fucking the most sensitive baby in the world.

[1571] Uniquely physical pain.

[1572] Oh, interesting.

[1573] So I was telling the girls this and I was saying, you know, that's bad outcome of, you know, me having been victimized sometimes.

[1574] I said, but there's a neat story in there, which is your brain is so fucking powerful.

[1575] I mean, it can really determine whether or not you experience pain.

[1576] And that's curious.

[1577] It's really fascinating.

[1578] So then I had had that conversation and then they go to bed and I go in and take a shower and then I'm brushing.

[1579] my teeth and all of a sudden it hits me i've never seen aaron weakly in pain really not once in 35 years and i've watched him crash every kind of vehicle i've watched him split his head open i watched him get his eye socket broken from a fight and his whole cheek inflated i've seen everything happened to him yeah i don't have a single memory of him ever being in pain physical pain and i started laughing doesn't care wow that's why he wasn't fixing any of that shit.

[1580] He's like, yeah, I don't give a fuck.

[1581] And I was like, wow, is that fucking telling that he and I have never seen each other in physical pain and we have the same childhood?

[1582] It's pretty fast.

[1583] To the point where I was laughing, kind of uproarsely thinking, it's impossible that I've never seen him in pain because I've seen him in 20 fights and 20 accidents.

[1584] He just doesn't give a fuck.

[1585] I mean, I think that is obviously who wants to feel pain, but pain's there for a reason.

[1586] It's to tell you something's wrong.

[1587] For sure.

[1588] So it's, it's, you should feel it.

[1589] Yeah.

[1590] I mean, I know what you're saying.

[1591] Yeah, it's just, it's, it's, it's what it is to some degree.

[1592] It's like I'm 47.

[1593] I haven't felt pain since I was 16.

[1594] That's weird, you know, physiologically speaking.

[1595] Now, granted, I'll, like, I'll hit my thumb hammering or something.

[1596] It certainly hurts.

[1597] But also, you've seen me post -surgery three times in the last year.

[1598] And the next day, I'm ready to hang.

[1599] Like, I don't care.

[1600] Yeah, I agree.

[1601] And I'm not trying to not care.

[1602] That's the weird part about it.

[1603] You know, that's a real disorder where people can't feel pain.

[1604] Right, which that's all in their brain.

[1605] Most of those people die prematurely, yeah.

[1606] Oh, is I laughing.

[1607] I was like, how could I have never seen Aaron say, ouch?

[1608] Yeah, that's interesting.

[1609] Okay, the stew.

[1610] Here we are.

[1611] Here we are.

[1612] Post stew.

[1613] How did everyone enjoy the stew?

[1614] Kristen Stewart was the connection.

[1615] That's right.

[1616] I'm sure they put it together.

[1617] Is it thorough plus stew?

[1618] What all did you leave in?

[1619] That.

[1620] Oh, yeah.

[1621] All the clues.

[1622] Allison Roman, my chef.

[1623] Yeah, yeah, your personal chef.

[1624] My personal chef.

[1625] She's known for these stews.

[1626] So she made this one stew, I guess, years ago, and it went viral.

[1627] Huge stew.

[1628] Huge stew.

[1629] It's so good.

[1630] Then she made another stew, you know, a follow -up, which was scary for her.

[1631] Uh -huh.

[1632] Because, you know.

[1633] Yeah, it's like Pulp Fiction.

[1634] It's like season two of a show.

[1635] Like, e -ish, scary.

[1636] But that stew was great, too.

[1637] So long ago, she made a new stew this year.

[1638] It's called the 2020 stew for 2020.

[1639] Oh, okay.

[1640] Yeah, wordplay, word play.

[1641] How is it written?

[1642] I don't remember.

[1643] Because it kind of doesn't work for me. Really?

[1644] No. It's 2020 stew.

[1645] That's.

[1646] Yeah.

[1647] But it's written.

[1648] T -W -E -N -T -Y.

[1649] It's spelled out 2020.

[1650] 20 stew.

[1651] Okay, that's how they had to do it.

[1652] They couldn't use any numbers.

[1653] That's what I was concerned about.

[1654] If they tried to do 202 stew, I see.

[1655] I'd be, yeah, okay.

[1656] You'd be upset.

[1657] Okay, well, they didn't.

[1658] Okay, great.

[1659] I made it finally.

[1660] I've been pushing it, pushing it.

[1661] I made it yes.

[1662] I just can't find the same.

[1663] And I did it yesterday before we recorded.

[1664] And it was so good.

[1665] What kind of stew is it?

[1666] Oh, my God.

[1667] So at first, you know, I'm just going to be honest.

[1668] I read the recipe and I was like, uh -oh, I don't know.

[1669] It doesn't look like it's going to be for me. Yeah.

[1670] But I'm going to try it.

[1671] I have to.

[1672] Yeah, she's your chef that you cook for.

[1673] And it was so good.

[1674] So it had like frizzled onions, which not caramelized but not burnt.

[1675] It's like this middle ground.

[1676] I don't think I nailed that.

[1677] That sounds hard.

[1678] Yeah.

[1679] Because I imagine you got to shave that onion really thinly to do that.

[1680] It's thinly sliced, but it's just a mat.

[1681] I think it's like cooking temp in.

[1682] stirring.

[1683] It's like figuring out the right balance.

[1684] And there's no breading on it.

[1685] It's not like when they put that wonderful, what do they call it?

[1686] It's like breaded onions.

[1687] Like a big pile of them on a burger.

[1688] That's not that.

[1689] I love that.

[1690] Those are usually fried.

[1691] Oh, deep frying.

[1692] Yeah.

[1693] Okay.

[1694] This is not that.

[1695] This is just in a pot.

[1696] Butter oil.

[1697] You let those frizzle up.

[1698] But I think mine were a little too caramel, like a little too jammy.

[1699] But you know what?

[1700] I'll keep working on.

[1701] Okay.

[1702] So frizzled onions and then beans, two kinds of beans.

[1703] And more he eat.

[1704] And then a...

[1705] They should have called it the Moria 2020 toot.

[1706] Oh, wow.

[1707] That's kind of good.

[1708] The Moria 2020 to do like it.

[1709] That's what we would have named it.

[1710] Okay, beans, chicken stock.

[1711] I used better than bouillon.

[1712] Okay.

[1713] And water.

[1714] Because you don't have a year to make your own chicken stock.

[1715] No, but also she's like, I actually recommend this.

[1716] Oh, great.

[1717] That's nice.

[1718] You got permission to.

[1719] be lazy yeah i did that well it's not lazy it's actually more work because you have to scoop out the the thing and then you make a proper chicken stock that's like an all -day thing right in a six -gallon thing when i see him doing it at a restaurant's like how long's that thing been cooking you're right to make one yeah it's like i put 300 bones in there and fucking yeah anyways yeah callie's fiance max is a chef and he makes his own stock and i always see it in their fridge and i'm like are you talking about my friend callie from instagram because that's right i was underpaid And I saw a post of Little Chef and Big Chef cooking.

[1720] That's right.

[1721] And I loved it.

[1722] Have we even updated the world on that?

[1723] What?

[1724] Callie's following you on Instagram.

[1725] Oh, she is.

[1726] Oh, I didn't know that it had been reciprocated.

[1727] For your birthday.

[1728] Oh, it was for my birthday.

[1729] Yeah, it was a birthday present.

[1730] You're a little late to tell me, but here we go.

[1731] No, I texted you, but maybe you missed it.

[1732] Yeah.

[1733] Oh, my God.

[1734] I could DM her.

[1735] You absolutely could.

[1736] Fucking.

[1737] The whole world just changed.

[1738] Okay.

[1739] And let me pull this up because it's, It's probably worth it.

[1740] Okay.

[1741] Her text.

[1742] You have to go back to January 2nd.

[1743] I know.

[1744] We text a lot, so.

[1745] Text a lot.

[1746] We text a lot.

[1747] Text a lot.

[1748] Did you remember the care bear song?

[1749] Care a lot.

[1750] We care a lot.

[1751] Care a lot.

[1752] We care a lot.

[1753] I don't know that.

[1754] Do you know the care bear stare?

[1755] Yeah, I've heard of it.

[1756] Okay.

[1757] But I don't know if I've experienced it.

[1758] You have.

[1759] Is it the care bear staring at other care bears?

[1760] and he's like send love beams out and stuff.

[1761] Oh, that's wonderful.

[1762] I didn't know.

[1763] I thought it was a mean thing.

[1764] Well, it's not how they combat things, but they combat it with love.

[1765] I think.

[1766] Maybe I'm punching up the show a little bit, but that's my memory of Carly watching it.

[1767] Oh, yeah, that's great.

[1768] Okay, yeah, she said, I was leaving to go home.

[1769] She said, save travels, come back to us soon, us equals me and the cake.

[1770] She got this delicious cake.

[1771] I said, Avi.

[1772] She said, also, I just followed Dax back.

[1773] I hope it's a very exciting birthday present.

[1774] And I laughed, and I said, this is a huge day for him, probably the best gift he's ever gotten.

[1775] She said, I get it, exclamation point.

[1776] He said, you've had the gift of my follow for a while, so maybe the power has worn off, but it's a doozy.

[1777] It didn't fucking buckle up, baby.

[1778] Yeah, I feel like I'm in a little bit of a tornado right now.

[1779] Yeah, emotions.

[1780] Yeah, just like, what's my new world look like?

[1781] Anywho.

[1782] Maybe Max, you know, Max and our boys, right?

[1783] So we'll slow play each other for a long time.

[1784] He's not on Instagram.

[1785] Well, that's definitely going to impact this then.

[1786] I was going to say we could probably slow play each other for a couple of years and then follow each other.

[1787] I'd follow him just for his fucking thighs, man. I know you love him.

[1788] Fucking love his thighs.

[1789] Yeah.

[1790] Sent Rob McElhany, a perverted photo of myself in the gym working out in my underwear because my quad happened to look good.

[1791] And he's my safe space for that.

[1792] Of course.

[1793] And we had the most fun ever.

[1794] Exchange.

[1795] Because, I mean, he and I can talk about that topic.

[1796] We can have like 60 back in force about a quadricep.

[1797] What was this?

[1798] This, this, this.

[1799] And then I said, you know, and I was bragging a bit.

[1800] I'm like, yeah, I'm, I'm 201 in that photo.

[1801] And he's like, oh, man, I wish I was tall so I could get up to 201.

[1802] If I got a 201, I'd look like a cinderblock.

[1803] I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with a cinderblock?

[1804] So then I'm like, do remember those weightlifting twins in the 80s that were in D .C. Cab, they're cinderblocks.

[1805] Find pictures sent him cinderbuck.

[1806] He goes, fuck, I do want to be a cinderblock.

[1807] I go, is this our next duck, becoming.

[1808] the cinder block like the whole world opened up after this fucking pervy photo i wouldn't send this photo to my wife i mean yeah you know what i'm saying yeah and um he's just right there with me and i love it you know thank god we both left our small towns because i don't think you can have this um a heterosexual version of this relationship everywhere you guys found care bear stairs in each other staring at each other's muscles okay so frizzled under Onions, broth, two types of beans.

[1809] And then you're not going to like this part, I don't think, but cabbage.

[1810] I mean, it's scary, but...

[1811] Yeah.

[1812] And then dill.

[1813] Love that.

[1814] And then I did a...

[1815] You could do sour cream, but I did Greek yogurt.

[1816] I was trying to be healthy.

[1817] It's a weird choice at that point, to be honest with you.

[1818] Well, the stew's healthy.

[1819] So it's like, am I going to now make it unhealthy with sour cream?

[1820] But can I ask how, what was the volume of sour cream that was going to be involved?

[1821] A dollop.

[1822] Fucking A, Monica.

[1823] No. I have, okay, this launches right into my, I have this whole theory about the way people shop.

[1824] Oh, okay.

[1825] Because when I was dead fucking poor in Santa Monica for 10 years, I lived on 9 grand a year for 10 years.

[1826] Oh, right.

[1827] So I had a whole system.

[1828] And generally, I, in my opinion, figured out which products you should go generic on and which you shouldn't.

[1829] And what I think a lot of people don't factor in is the timeline of the thing you're buying.

[1830] I'll give you a perfect example Q -Tip brand cotton swabs They're going to be a dollar more than the other one But it takes me a year and a half To go through the whole thing of Q -tip cotton swabs It's a big box Right so I go This is a perfect time to spend an extra dollar Because I'm fucking amortizing it over a year and a half And there are a lot of products like that Like you've got to think to yourself How long does it take me to use this product?

[1831] Yes, it's worth spending twice as much No, but other things that you're like consuming non -stop That's not where you can break the bank.

[1832] Okay.

[1833] I find it very similar to whatever the hell we were talking about before I...

[1834] Greek yogurt and sour cream.

[1835] I'm not seeing the...

[1836] Yes, I'm going to show you.

[1837] Okay.

[1838] So a dollop.

[1839] Yeah.

[1840] So you're talking about impacting the caloric intake of that entire stew by a single digit percentage point.

[1841] Dollop on my bowl.

[1842] Not on the whole locker say pot.

[1843] You're talking about net receipts.

[1844] I still think it's very marginal.

[1845] It is, I'm sure.

[1846] I just wanted to run it through that analysis of the...

[1847] the shopping.

[1848] Make the stew.

[1849] Go to Allison Roman's newsletter and make that stew.

[1850] It's a delicious stew.

[1851] I enjoyed it very much.

[1852] I hope you'll bring a bowl over so I can sample it.

[1853] I will.

[1854] A conversation we just had it reminded me of another quote I really held on to over the years and it's from Ben Falcone, our good friend Ben Falcone who I've known for 25 years because I was so frugal.

[1855] It drove everyone nuts.

[1856] I wouldn't go out to eat.

[1857] I wouldn't do this and that.

[1858] And something happened and he just hit me with this.

[1859] He said, listen to me. You don't go out and order a lobster dinner and then get a maister bra with it.

[1860] You've bought the lobster dinner.

[1861] Get the fucking Heineken.

[1862] What's a meister bro?

[1863] A cheap -ass beer.

[1864] Oh, got it.

[1865] Okay.

[1866] So if you're ordering the lobster dinner, don't get the meister bro.

[1867] I agree.

[1868] There's a lot of wisdom in that.

[1869] And sometimes I've had, especially when I was much more fearful about money, I can tell you the time I first decided this.

[1870] It was to go to Africa in 2000, I guess, 12.

[1871] And I have a really hard time blowing it.

[1872] money on a vacation.

[1873] But I said to myself, you're getting the lobster dinner.

[1874] You're getting to go to Africa.

[1875] So, fucking, you're not allowed to think about money from the second you get on the plane till you get off.

[1876] Like, just go have the fucking Heineken or whatever your beer is.

[1877] I like that.

[1878] Yeah.

[1879] I think that's smart.

[1880] There really aren't very many facts.

[1881] It was such a fun episode.

[1882] I really was.

[1883] Yeah.

[1884] I really enjoyed that.

[1885] So when you say there's not a lot of facts, do you mean there's no facts?

[1886] No, there's one.

[1887] Oh, okay.

[1888] Prince Harry's name is.

[1889] Henry by birth.

[1890] Yeah, so I call him sometimes Prince Henry, and it's because, as I admitted to on the podcast, my first time thinking about or researching Prince Harry was for the show.

[1891] And when I look him up, it'll say, it says Henry more than it says Harry.

[1892] And then I'm all fucked up with what to call him.

[1893] I just like, I mean, I guess Harry fits his personality.

[1894] Big time, he's Harry.

[1895] Yeah, but I love the name Henry.

[1896] Henny.

[1897] It's a cute, if you have a Henry, you should call him Henny.

[1898] Yeah, that's cute.

[1899] I like that a lot.

[1900] Honey, worry, buddy.

[1901] You got to get ready for school, bud.

[1902] I bet if you, like, if I had a monitor on me and I had some team that was converting everything into metrics, and you looked at the percentage of my day of me saying, hey, love bug, could you, I mean, honestly.

[1903] Yeah.

[1904] I bet I say, hey, lovebug.

[1905] I start 30 % of my sentences in a day without begging them to fucking put their shoes under grab their fucking backpack or get in the fucking car.

[1906] They just don't want to.

[1907] Hey, love bug, you want to get in the car?

[1908] Hey, love bug, all right, we're at school.

[1909] You want to hop out?

[1910] We're down to a couple of minutes.

[1911] Lovebug, you want to grab your?

[1912] Okay, you want to leave your backpack in the car, Lovebug?

[1913] Yeah, that's one of your pet names.

[1914] I took it from Laura.

[1915] She called me Lovebug.

[1916] Yeah, I was going to ask what, yeah.

[1917] Dax her and Lovebug.

[1918] What did your parents call you?

[1919] Nothing.

[1920] They called that little fucking baby, Monica.

[1921] They had to have had a little cute name.

[1922] I'm now looking, just so if you can feel a tone shift in my voice, it's because I'm now staring at the beautiful painting raw.

[1923] Wobbe Wob got us for Christmas.

[1924] Oil painting.

[1925] It's an oil painting that Wobbywob got us for coisness.

[1926] And I cannot accept that that little baby didn't have about 13 different little nicknames.

[1927] Maybe the baby did.

[1928] I think the baby did.

[1929] The baby might have.

[1930] But then you know what happened?

[1931] Because their priorities were safety, rightly so, they shifted.

[1932] They were like, okay, time to make this little girl, little woman.

[1933] We got to get her, got her, like, doing all the right things.

[1934] Well, the car service, for one, was like at the front door.

[1935] That's true.

[1936] You had the town car out front.

[1937] But, you know, they felt, I'm going way out on the limb.

[1938] I don't know your parents well enough to make this point at all.

[1939] So you'll correct me if I'm wrong.

[1940] But they decided at some point, you know, we can't let this little baby in this white dress just be a little baby in a white dress.

[1941] We've got to kind of get her ready for the world.

[1942] In a way that I bet you won't, you'll come from this with a safer perspective.

[1943] And so you won't be nervous that the little baby's being kind of useless.

[1944] and directionless and pooping his or hers pants.

[1945] I mean, yeah, maybe.

[1946] I'm sure that was all in the stew, ding, ding, bang, bang.

[1947] Just, Kristen Stewart.

[1948] But also they were really coddling or something.

[1949] Like, you know, I would, like, have the sleeping bag set up on the floor for way too long.

[1950] You know, things like that.

[1951] Like, they weren't like, she's got to get tough or anything like that.

[1952] They want to deny you safety and security.

[1953] But they might not, like, take a, like, let's be pleasant.

[1954] playful for the next three years and have baby names and goofy stuff.

[1955] But they don't know how.

[1956] Well, that's right.

[1957] That's my entire point is like life's pretty fucking serious in India.

[1958] You get your shit together or you're living in a very different way than if you don't get your shit together in the U .S. Yeah.

[1959] Like, I don't think it was conscious or even subconscious.

[1960] I think it was not in their DNA.

[1961] They had not witnessed something different probably.

[1962] Anyway.

[1963] Did you hit us with the fact?

[1964] Yeah, Henry.

[1965] All right, Harry, Henry.

[1966] Okay.

[1967] Okay, here's a question.

[1968] What have you named your cars?

[1969] Because, you know, her car's name was Beth.

[1970] Oh, right.

[1971] Which was a great name.

[1972] I was super into that in high school.

[1973] Like, I had a Catalina.

[1974] First car I ever bought.

[1975] I was 15.

[1976] I was up north with a buddy.

[1977] Saw it sitting in the front yard of a house.

[1978] Bought it, drove it home illegally, pulled it into the driveway.

[1979] 1976 Pawnee at Catalina.

[1980] Enormous, like the size of my Lincoln.

[1981] Wow.

[1982] That was called Lena.

[1983] Oh, that's cute.

[1984] And then my sister -in -law, Tammy, this happened to me a lot, right?

[1985] And this is, by the way, if you're a young kid listening to this, if you learn to work on shit, people will give you cars because inevitably people, well, at least in Michigan, would have cars that stopped running.

[1986] And they were, you know, not high enough in value to have fixed.

[1987] And then it's just kind of like, hey, man, if you can get that thing running and out of it, I got four cars that way.

[1988] One of them being a Toyota Celica and Aaron and I named her Sheila, and then I took a grinder and I wrote Sheila on the back.

[1989] So everyone knew Sheila was Sheila in our world.

[1990] And one Christmas, I think in 11th grade, I had finally saved up and I was going to buy the Mustang.

[1991] So I drove Sheila over to Aaron's house Christmas morning with the title.

[1992] And I gave him Sheila for Christmas.

[1993] This is the best part.

[1994] So Sheila's front end was a little fucked up, right?

[1995] Like the hood was kind of like it was smashed shut, but who knows how well it was latch.

[1996] Sure, sure, sure.

[1997] And my mother calls me, this is when we're both working for my mother, and we would all commute on the same road, 696.

[1998] And she calls me and she goes, well, I had to rescue Aaron this morning.

[1999] I'm driving down 696.

[2000] And I see Sheila on the side of the road with the hood up over the windshield.

[2001] Oh, no. The air was flying down the highway.

[2002] Sheel and the fucking hood went, just shot up, covered all of his visibility.

[2003] And so he's like trying to get, it's wintertime.

[2004] That's horrifying.

[2005] He's trying to look through the little gap underneath, and then he decides to roll the window.

[2006] He's trying to slow it down.

[2007] He's got a crisis on his hand, right?

[2008] Oh, my God.

[2009] And it had shattered the windshield and shit.

[2010] So now he's on the side of the road in the middle of winter when my mom discovers him in Sheila, and she's worried about his warmth and safety.

[2011] So she had to rescue him.

[2012] And then guess what?

[2013] That's where Sheila stayed.

[2014] Yeah.

[2015] I don't know that Sheila ever made it up.

[2016] Ironically, also, Lena ended up on the side of I -75.

[2017] All these women on the side of the road.

[2018] Just use them up and throw them to the fucking curb.

[2019] Your sister's car used to be named Pig Pig Pig.

[2020] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2021] Carly names every car.

[2022] Carly's, I love what Carly have a fact check this is.

[2023] Carly has a really unique gift of making up really cute words and names.

[2024] Like the girls always, like those three, Lincoln Delta and Carly, have about nine words that Carly's made up that are always so cute.

[2025] Pig Pig Pig, Big being one of them.

[2026] Yeah.

[2027] She's got a knack for that.

[2028] Yeah.

[2029] That's a ding, ding, ding, nicknames.

[2030] Yeah, Stu, Kristen Stewart.

[2031] All right, well, I love you, and I really hope that that ear thing was, you know, that I hope you're all healed up from that.

[2032] Thank you.

[2033] We'll update people on the prior.

[2034] Sure, because there's going to be installments, like, you know, they're still scabbing.

[2035] Who knows?

[2036] We don't know.

[2037] I might.

[2038] There might be another round of irrigation.

[2039] We're not ruling that out yet.

[2040] I've been dying to get a scalpel.

[2041] Okay, wait.

[2042] I do have a follow -up question.

[2043] Oh, okay.

[2044] Did you smell it?

[2045] Oh, I didn't.

[2046] Okay.

[2047] Was there any pus or just blood?

[2048] So what you won't like about the video is that obviously where the earrings go in, there is pus.

[2049] Yeah.

[2050] You know, right where it's entering.

[2051] Yeah.

[2052] But when I pulled them out, it was blood.

[2053] Okay.

[2054] Well, you know, so the one under it, the one that looks better, like, looked in comparison better.

[2055] That exploded about a week and a hat, two weeks ago.

[2056] And I was at my parents' house.

[2057] And you were honking on it, though, right?

[2058] You were squeezing it and shit?

[2059] No, no, no, no. I took a shower and, like, I kind of hit my ear on accident, and it hurt so bad.

[2060] Talk about me can feel physical pain.

[2061] Me feel pain.

[2062] It really hurt.

[2063] And then it went away, and then that night I looked, and it was just pussing from both sides.

[2064] That was another thing I was bummed about as I told you as I was like, you know, if I see that there's poison in there like snake boy, I might have to suck the poison ash.

[2065] You know, that was on the table.

[2066] To save your life, got to do it.

[2067] Well, yeah.

[2068] Oh, boy.

[2069] But you and I share, well, I'll speak for me. It's so gross, but I'm like, I'm so fascinated with the things my body produces.

[2070] Yeah.

[2071] It's so endlessly interesting.

[2072] Of an ear wax?

[2073] Well, like, sure.

[2074] Yeah.

[2075] But, like, if I get something crazy out, and I'm staring, staring, staring, and then I got to touch it.

[2076] Yeah, me too.

[2077] And then sometimes I like to smash it to see what kind of, like, how.

[2078] Rob, are you this way, too?

[2079] Are we weird?

[2080] Be honest.

[2081] Don't fucking lie, Rob.

[2082] Yeah, a little bit.

[2083] Okay, I think everyone is a little bit.

[2084] Yeah, yeah.

[2085] It's a spectrum, certainly.

[2086] I got to say, I think I'm maybe even, did I get her to send you a picture?

[2087] So the most impressive thing I've ever, ever seen come out of a human body.

[2088] You talked about this before.

[2089] Yeah, so she was in Guatemala and got an ear infection.

[2090] It was getting worse and worse and worse.

[2091] And she didn't think she should go to a doctor in Guatemala.

[2092] She eventually did.

[2093] And she brought home and it was in a little like plastic vial.

[2094] Yeah.

[2095] And it was large.

[2096] I'm going to say it was the size of three raisins.

[2097] No. Yeah.

[2098] If like three raisins were clumped together and guys...

[2099] That's huge for inside your ear.

[2100] It was cold.

[2101] Colbalt blue.

[2102] I had never, like, I was like, you love it.

[2103] How did it?

[2104] How did it?

[2105] It was electric.

[2106] We, she and I stared at that fucking thing.

[2107] Like, it was, like, she brought a baby home from Guatemala.

[2108] We both should have had the foresight to go, like, this needs to be in a preserving fluid, like an embalming fluid or something to keep it.

[2109] Yeah, it could be at the Smithsonian right now.

[2110] Because it's most certainly, because I know she kept it, but I guarantee now it's like a spec of, yeah.

[2111] Well, you got to see it when it was what it was.

[2112] And it's a heyday.

[2113] And thank you.

[2114] You know what that thing is?

[2115] It's the cherry blossom.

[2116] The reason that the Japanese celebrate the cherry blossom so much.

[2117] You know that's why they're obsessed with cherry blossom trees?

[2118] Well, they have the famous cherry blossom festival, I think, in between April and May. So only lasts for two weeks.

[2119] And the proverbial message about it is life can be hard, and sometimes it temporarily is beautiful.

[2120] And when it is stop everything and take it in.

[2121] It's really beautiful.

[2122] Yeah.

[2123] And so in that way, like, I saw the cobalt blue thing.

[2124] My instinct is I want to hold it forever and I want it to be the thing it was forever.

[2125] Yeah.

[2126] But just enjoy it for that period of time.

[2127] And that was a highlight in my life.

[2128] She's so lucky.

[2129] She is.

[2130] She is.

[2131] God.

[2132] All right.

[2133] All right.

[2134] Love you.

[2135] Love you.

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