MFM Presents…Georgia Hardstark on Adulting with Michelle Buteau and Jordan Carlos

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Hello.

[2] We're here to share with you an episode of the Exactly Right podcast, Adulting with Michelle Bouto and Jordan Carlos, featuring a guest you know and love Georgia Hardstock.

[3] Hey, that's me. We talked about our favorite grandma names, the ongoing debate over wearing shoes inside, gross.

[4] And we gave some incredible life -changing adulting advice to a few listeners.

[5] So when you're done listening to that episode, you can head over to the adulting podcast feed and binge other classics with gals.

[6] like Tone Bell, peppermint, and Sashir Zamada.

[7] You can listen and follow Adulting on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcast.

[8] And while you're there, please, please, please, rate, review, and subscribe.

[9] Goodbye.

[10] Welcome, welcome to adulting.

[11] You made it.

[12] You crossed the burning sands.

[13] I'm Jordan Carlos.

[14] I'm here.

[15] As always, with my co -from -go, Michelle Vito.

[16] Hello, Michelle, you look beauteous as always.

[17] What's the Casey Kasem is going on?

[18] Is this bandstand or is this adulting?

[19] American.

[20] Bandstand.

[21] Yeah.

[22] I always wanted to be that guy.

[23] I wanted to be that guy.

[24] I wanted to be like, you know, Mac Cow in the morning or Casey Kasem with the top 40 countdown.

[25] And yes.

[26] And sometimes I bring a dollop and a dab of that to our show.

[27] Okay?

[28] And now Michael Bolton.

[29] Now I know why Jordan stopped drinking caffeine.

[30] Oh my God.

[31] Otis said fuck the other day.

[32] What?

[33] We were watching this movie Elemental.

[34] Okay.

[35] And the little fire girl goes, what the?

[36] And then Otis goes, fuck.

[37] And I was like, What?

[38] And then Hyacus like, he just said, fuck.

[39] I was like, no, he didn't.

[40] And he goes, oh, does what you say?

[41] He goes, fuck.

[42] What the fuck?

[43] And I was like, oh, but the movie was so good.

[44] We're like, you shouldn't say it because it's a really, he's like, oh, and he was just watching the movie.

[45] And I'm like, I don't even know how to talk to a four -year -old because their mind is everywhere.

[46] Yeah, they're a little too cute to correct.

[47] Like, he doesn't know what a bad word is yet.

[48] I mean, my son, he'll remind me that I'm cursing in.

[49] front of him.

[50] Okay.

[51] He'll be like, Dad, you're using bad words.

[52] So I'm like, okay, I won't do it.

[53] Do you?

[54] Yeah, yeah.

[55] I love that.

[56] He's a New York City kid.

[57] He's bound to find these words out anyway.

[58] And if anything, that story just tells me that the African -American, di -esperatic Caribbean in him is strong because the call and response was right there.

[59] What the fuck, he joined in.

[60] You know what I'm saying?

[61] The ancestors were speaking out.

[62] Look, get with the rhythm.

[63] The rhyme.

[64] Um, yeah.

[65] You know, the other day, Hazel's teacher told me that she called him something mean, but you couldn't remember because we're all so tired.

[66] I was like, okay, and I asked her later.

[67] And she said a dummy head.

[68] And I was like, oh, his feelings were hurt.

[69] And he was like, yeah, she was laughing like it was funny.

[70] And when she told me, I was like, it's kind of funny.

[71] Because I'm a stand -up comedian, you know?

[72] And so how do I talk to her?

[73] You know, obviously, yes, be nice.

[74] But like...

[75] What did you tell her?

[76] What was the substance of what you told her?

[77] Sometimes we say things that hurt someone's feelings And we don't do that We don't hurt feelings We lift people up But if someone's being mean to you Then you can tell them to fuck off I mean I'm trying But I don't want to be like Like I'm not a goop mom Right You know what I mean But I want to Do you know what I mean?

[78] How would you describe your M .O Your motherhood MMO in three words?

[79] Three words How fucking dare you Those are my three words It's four words But like It's hard to know It's hard to know You're doing the right things They're good kids Yeah And you know what It's gonna Compassion Structure Hey Oh my gosh Compassion Structured Joy The CSJ I love that That's really good Yeah What about you Um Four words More fun Ew Why do you get four And I get three I just ask for them It's we're just making I can't do it Okay Okay fine Three words.

[80] Funner than mom.

[81] That's it.

[82] Those are the three words.

[83] If there was an air horn to blast in someone's little ear pods right now, I'd fucking do it.

[84] Pop -a -Pi -Pi -L!

[85] Michelle, you have no idea.

[86] On Election Day?

[87] Yeah.

[88] Chala took over.

[89] I took over.

[90] Jordan came alive.

[91] Really?

[92] Jumped off the bench like my name was MJ.

[93] She was like, Jesus to take the wheels.

[94] Or Tom Cruise on Oprah?

[95] Yes.

[96] So typically in New York, we're at.

[97] I guess around the country in the U .S., the kids stay home because a lot of these schools are where you can go vote, right?

[98] Yep, that's what it is.

[99] They called voting polls.

[100] Is that what they're called?

[101] Right.

[102] And so the kids are home and you decide to be father of the year.

[103] No, it's just that you could see the thousand yards stairs from mom, you know?

[104] Like, you could see that you could just, it wasn't the, it was the miles.

[105] You know what I'm saying?

[106] Like, moms were just so tired.

[107] And like, we have this really great kind of web of, like, parents.

[108] like they call if they need like a play date just some time off but it was like the lines were getting jammed do you see what I'm saying it's like because everybody was off at the same time so I was like let's just do this thing so we went to the city butterflies boom butterflies yeah invisible world boom squid in the whale boom then we go across town serendipity three boom hit him yeah kids you want to go on the ski lift across de roosevelt island what is that what's that get in the ski lift I got my kids and another kid and we don't come back till they ask for us.

[109] You see what I love that?

[110] I love that you make core memories.

[111] Yeah.

[112] You know, and it's really great that you step in and make a great day.

[113] We got to do it all the time as parents for each other.

[114] Yeah, it's all the time.

[115] We got to do it all the time.

[116] Yeah, man. At 5 p .m. sometimes I get, I feel a little anxious because I'm like, there's so much more to the day.

[117] And I just want to crawl up on the couch and just watch TV and have a glass of wine.

[118] And you should.

[119] You should be able to do that.

[120] But I don't have time for that.

[121] I got to make the dinner.

[122] He makes the dinner and we like hang out and then we eat the dinner and then we bathe and go to bed and then you get this like half hour to yourself but it really isn't to yourself right and then like for me if I have an event that night or a show I do all that before I do that show of the event and then I wake up in the morning and do the same thing so like but I also you know me I'm a big planner that's why I'm just like hey y 'all what you're doing this date we got have a party because I like to also plan fun yeah yeah you're a great host that's where you that's where you shine and you love it.

[123] Yeah.

[124] But I wonder, could you ever, and I know you do take naps for yourself, but do you make a routine or a habit of just being like these 30 minutes, no matter what, rain or shine or mine?

[125] I mean, when they're not home or like on the weekend, right?

[126] But like when they're back from school, no, it's hard.

[127] Yeah, I feel you.

[128] It's blood sport.

[129] Yeah, it is.

[130] You have the three or four hours before.

[131] Yeah, no. What do you even mean?

[132] Are they at least bringing their dish to the sink at the end of dinner.

[133] No. No. I try.

[134] I try.

[135] It's very hard.

[136] It's very hard.

[137] At this point, it's more work for me to ask them to take their dish to the sink.

[138] Right.

[139] What a time to be alive.

[140] What a boring fucking podcast.

[141] It's not boring.

[142] Michelle is tired.

[143] No, Michelle, this is real.

[144] This is like what people want a know.

[145] They want the BTS.

[146] Oh, please.

[147] They want the Buto behind the scenes.

[148] Oh, my God.

[149] Well, I'm living.

[150] Well, here's what I will say.

[151] Get it out.

[152] Get it out.

[153] Right.

[154] Here's what I will say.

[155] At the end of the day, when I sit in my bed or I lay down in my bed and I run it all back, I'm just like, I wouldn't have done it differently.

[156] Like, I'd rather be tired and present than, like, arrested and missing stuff.

[157] Like, I take my spa days with my friends.

[158] I have my little boozy brunches and I have a really fun fucking job.

[159] Yeah.

[160] But, yeah, man. I'm going to be tired either way.

[161] So it's just like, I'm also being tired doing something I love and be with someone I love.

[162] You know what I mean?

[163] Yeah.

[164] Yeah.

[165] But, ooh, baby.

[166] It's the price.

[167] Yeah, and I don't want to be like, I don't want to, I don't want to be that bitch that's always out in public and just like, I'm tired.

[168] You know what did you?

[169] It's always a competition.

[170] I'm always just like winning because I'm better and I'm more tired.

[171] You know, I don't want to be that bitch.

[172] Right, right, right, right.

[173] I haven't slept in days.

[174] Yeah, like.

[175] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[176] But I also don't know how to be high with my kids.

[177] Like, I see some parents like, and they figured it out.

[178] I'm like, how are you such a good mood?

[179] They're like, true.

[180] And they have like a little twinkle in their eye.

[181] I'm like, do you just hug a tree with your kid?

[182] How did you do that?

[183] Oh, my God.

[184] Like, I'm just trying to fucking get a straight line down my kid's head for pigtails.

[185] But you become more like kidlike when you get high.

[186] You're fun already, but you get even more like childlike and fun.

[187] You do.

[188] No, you do.

[189] Oh, I do.

[190] Like, one does or I do?

[191] You do, Michelle Buto, when you get nice, you seem to like, Wait like tipsy or high It's hard because they feel the same Yeah With you Yeah And so I feel No when I'm high is giving Are we okay I'm like am I talking too much Last time I got high with you Was in Maine and we were at your friend's house That was on the side of a mountain It's not on this side of it's like We're all gonna roll down And they had a really sweet Huge German Shepherd Yes Whose face was just up in my children's face I'm like I'm cool Bliss I'm cool And it was a sweet dog Shoutouts to Bliss All right.

[192] So I understand.

[193] I would suggest 2 .5 milligrams T .HC.

[194] That's like taking an accedron.

[195] And then you're just like, you're chill.

[196] And you can read one more Dr. Seuss book or not because he's been canceled.

[197] It's up to you.

[198] You know what I'm saying?

[199] I've done it.

[200] It's not my bag.

[201] I want it to be.

[202] Like, it's not like I'm fighting it.

[203] Yeah.

[204] Like I've tried it.

[205] Are you like timetables?

[206] Do you like get them in bed by a certain time every night?

[207] Like dinner's on the table this time.

[208] Bath sit this time.

[209] Yeah.

[210] Yeah.

[211] Yeah.

[212] Yeah.

[213] Okay.

[214] Yeah.

[215] I got you.

[216] Give or take 15 minutes.

[217] Yeah, please.

[218] Please do.

[219] You know, come on.

[220] That's life.

[221] Yeah.

[222] But I understand.

[223] Dinner's usually around six, bath around 7 .30, bed eight.

[224] It used to be dinner at five.

[225] That's a lot of pressure.

[226] It is a lot of pressure because your day is shorter.

[227] But I'm just like, how do people do this?

[228] Oh yeah, they did do it because they didn't do anything all day.

[229] Just like cleaning their Tupperware.

[230] And had like a fucking like Mary Kay meeting.

[231] You know what I mean?

[232] They weren't doing.

[233] like five different projects on a big fucking platform, you know.

[234] That's what they call the second shift.

[235] Like you're doing another job, you know?

[236] And you're already doing, like, the job that you already have is like two jobs.

[237] It is.

[238] I'll tell you what, man, when I do these shows and I see these people from all walks of life, they are young 20s up to like late 70s, enjoying the words that come out of my mouth.

[239] It's so weird to actually be this thing that brings people together.

[240] But it's always been that way anyways, right?

[241] Like whether it's a meatball party or a comedy show or a TV show.

[242] And I'm just like, God damn, this is really, really nice.

[243] Sometimes I think about you loving to fall asleep at a party.

[244] I do.

[245] And I love the way you described it.

[246] You're just like, I just hear like the little ambient sounds of people having great conversations.

[247] And that's often how I feel when I'm awake.

[248] Like, I'm taking a moment for me. But I'm also just like, look at all these people like still having fun.

[249] And it's giving like an emotional weekend at Bernie's, whatever you think that is.

[250] I understand all of that.

[251] You know, I love the fact that it's sold out to see Mishie B speak.

[252] I'm, I'm here for that.

[253] You know, like, you seem to get up and do it all every day.

[254] You're like maximum poor.

[255] Yeah.

[256] Don't you?

[257] I think I'm probably, I'm probably at 80 % battery power every day.

[258] Okay.

[259] But I feel like I do a lot.

[260] I do a lot.

[261] I have my little list of wins and everything like that on my phone.

[262] I do a lot.

[263] I am always impressed by you, friend.

[264] You know that.

[265] Oh, thank you.

[266] I just want you to know that if it ever too much, you know, always call.

[267] You know what I'm saying?

[268] Thank you, baby face.

[269] Because you make it look easy, but there's this old picture of like a ballet dancer.

[270] You see the shoe on point.

[271] You see the shoe on point, right?

[272] Then they take the shoe off.

[273] And you see all the, you see what I'm saying?

[274] Yeah.

[275] Oh, my God.

[276] Am I a ballerina's foot?

[277] I'm not, it's like I try to have these sweet moments.

[278] I know, I'm just kidding.

[279] I do, I do feel, yes.

[280] I do feel like a plus -sized ballerina, though, sometimes I'm just tiptoeing around in a tutu, trying to make it all happen.

[281] Being busy is wild, being successful is different than being busy, because you don't have to be busy to be successful, if that makes sense.

[282] But you also can be.

[283] Like, it really is.

[284] like one of those weird things my dad always said work smart not hard and that's what i do love about our guest for this episode i mean she's a motherfucking powerhouse yes and so sweet truly i mean she gave us a job she gave us a job when no one else would and we're just too too lowly interns yes she is she's the co -host of my favorite murder yes and uh she's also the co -owner of exactly right media exactly right podcast network i'm so sorry don't at me we'll fix it in post and i'm so happy that she is available to sit down and talk to us because uh georgia and karen are really fucking cool and they're really fucking smart and they're also really fucking busy yeah and so speaking about how busy and tired well at least i am all the time because i'm at 100 % and you're at 80 um i'm really glad that she is just like found the time to fucking hang with us.

[285] So, you guys, please enjoy this episode of...

[286] It's adulting.

[287] I was like, what's the name of this show?

[288] This adulting.

[289] Please enjoy this episode.

[290] With our guests.

[291] Georgia Hard Stark.

[292] Oh, my God.

[293] Put her on the charging station.

[294] Good Lord.

[295] Ahoy.

[296] Hi.

[297] Oh, my God.

[298] It's so good to see you guys.

[299] It's been so long.

[300] I know.

[301] Yeah.

[302] I don't even know when in person, especially with the COVID and such.

[303] We were kids.

[304] I know.

[305] We're different people.

[306] I really was.

[307] I believed in the elders that they would take care of us.

[308] See.

[309] And then I realized they had to take care of myself.

[310] Woo!

[311] Yeah.

[312] Was that the journey?

[313] Look, not to get into it, but here's the fuck we are, everyone.

[314] I know.

[315] Yeah.

[316] How many friends and or family members do you think you have, like, stopped talking to, aka laws, since Trump and COVID.

[317] Unfortunately, mine is like my mom and dad.

[318] Oh.

[319] So I'm not there yet to like totally cut off, but I have worked very hard with boundaries.

[320] Yes.

[321] And how to turn myself into a gray rock and not engage.

[322] Oh, my God.

[323] A gray rock.

[324] Gray rock.

[325] Do we call that the great shedding?

[326] Is that what it is, people?

[327] I don't know.

[328] The great shedding.

[329] That's wild.

[330] I think it's like you almost quiet.

[331] quit the people.

[332] I mean, I'm such a little Aquarius nice guy that I'm like, I'm going to quietly quit you.

[333] And that's been it.

[334] And I'm just kind of burrowing a tunnel like Tim Robbins and Shawshank Redemption to get away from certain family members and things like that.

[335] But here we are, you know?

[336] Yeah.

[337] I remember Jordan said something like years ago because like one of the questions we got for adulting years ago was how do you like get rid of a friend or how do you stop being friends with someone and Jordan was like friends are like garbage cans like you never really get rid of them they just roll around and roll back or so shit you said and every time we take my trash out I'm like yeah which friend is this right some have maggots in them and some need to be hosed down every once in a while and yeah summer rubber made honestly you have to talk to the trash guy and be like and slip him a fucking 20 to take it away or some like your hope your neighbor was steal so like you You don't have to deal with it anymore.

[338] Oh, truly.

[339] Oh, my goodness.

[340] Yeah.

[341] That's a good analogy.

[342] I mean, come on.

[343] It's happening again.

[344] Yeah.

[345] With the whole discussion about trans and non -binary people.

[346] And I'm like, I don't, I just, how many waves of people in my life are really going to cut off?

[347] Yeah.

[348] Ending Facebook has helped.

[349] Ending Facebook has, I don't need to know everyone's birthday.

[350] What is this?

[351] Like, what do I need to do your birthday?

[352] Yeah.

[353] I honestly thought you were saying Facebook had ended.

[354] I was like, what do you?

[355] Yay!

[356] Why have we celebrated?

[357] Ding dong, the witch is dead.

[358] Like, why are the munchkins not dancing?

[359] I see what you're saying, getting off of social media because it's only an divisive thing.

[360] Yeah.

[361] I wish it was just my family that I could, because I can yell at my family and tell them what they're doing wrong.

[362] Yeah.

[363] But I can't do that, like, on social media to strangers.

[364] Yeah.

[365] So it's hard.

[366] Like almost like wish I could keep Facebook, not really, but that style and not deal with the strangers on like Instagram, you know?

[367] Yeah.

[368] How do you maintain a healthy relationship with social media because it's going to be in our lives forever and all of time?

[369] I don't.

[370] I don't know.

[371] I, you know, everyone's like, don't read the comments and it's just so hard for me because I do get that hit of dopamine when it's like good.

[372] Yeah.

[373] But I also get it when it's bad because I get all fired.

[374] up.

[375] Yeah.

[376] Wow.

[377] And then someone will defend me because I can't say anything.

[378] And then I get fired up from that person.

[379] It's just like, yeah.

[380] I don't post really anymore on Instagram because I just like, I don't know, like I got sick of sharing.

[381] It just felt like content after a while instead of my actual life.

[382] Yeah.

[383] And every time I'd go out somewhere, I'd be like, I got to get content.

[384] It's like, why do you just fucking enjoy yourself?

[385] Yeah.

[386] Well, because, I mean, we all work for Instagram.

[387] I got my W2 last year.

[388] I'm really excited about it.

[389] But like, do you remember.

[390] feel like I sometimes think, like, I'm going to go out on a limb and just say, like, Michelle, Georgia, you're both like straight A students.

[391] Me?

[392] Yeah, I wasn't.

[393] I was in rehab.

[394] You were not?

[395] No. Okay.

[396] What would this double chin get out of you?

[397] No, it's just...

[398] I barely graduated high school and I dropped out of college.

[399] Oh, that part.

[400] Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool.

[401] So, fuck me my theory.

[402] Yeah, Julie.

[403] I am a perfectionist, though.

[404] You're right about that.

[405] That's what I mean.

[406] That's what I mean.

[407] It's like...

[408] Yeah.

[409] Yeah.

[410] What you're getting is instinct and truth.

[411] That's what you're getting.

[412] And sometimes that's all you fucking need to really survive.

[413] I mean, Tick Nataro dropped out of high school too.

[414] And she's one of the smartest people I fucking know.

[415] Right.

[416] She did?

[417] She dropped out.

[418] Wow.

[419] Wow.

[420] Yeah.

[421] So that's why like when people are like, where your kids go to school, I'm like, wherever they feel like it or they don't have to.

[422] Right.

[423] Wherever they thrive, it's fine.

[424] Exactly.

[425] I love that word.

[426] Yeah.

[427] I feel the same way as long as my kids either go to Smith or Brown.

[428] But go ahead.

[429] Yes.

[430] But I am a perfectionist and I want to do everything, right?

[431] Like, I saw a meme recently that was like, when I get to the TSA line, I have to be the best at it.

[432] And I want the security guards to be like, that girl is a legend.

[433] She's so good at going.

[434] Like, I want to do it all correctly and the best, driving, everything.

[435] So there is a part of me that goes to social media.

[436] Like, this has to be the best post every time.

[437] And it's exhausting.

[438] I'm just so hung up on TSA.

[439] But like, do you ever get a high five from a TSA officer that's like, you did that the best as should.

[440] I really should.

[441] Oh my gosh.

[442] You know that thing of like, I'm doing it all right so I can complain about other people.

[443] Well, you hope that people like will watch you and be like, that's how I was done.

[444] Right.

[445] You guys like, I raise my arms up and do that little like, whatever, the diamond side.

[446] I do the Jay -Z sign above my head, perfect diamond and a smile.

[447] And they're still like, we're going to have to patch you down.

[448] I'm like, but I do the diamond with a smile, you know?

[449] Yeah.

[450] And it just hurts my heart.

[451] And I feel as though.

[452] Don't you have metal in your body?

[453] Don't you have, like, something like...

[454] Oh, you do?

[455] Yeah, he's had like a back surgery.

[456] Oh.

[457] Yeah.

[458] Metal in my body.

[459] Yeah.

[460] When I wear a bra with the wire, they're like, call in backup.

[461] I'm like, it's just double D's, bitch.

[462] The right one's bigger if you must know.

[463] Do you know what I mean?

[464] Like, it's fucked you up.

[465] Yeah.

[466] The other day they had to check my daughter's hair, and I'm like, how fucking dare you?

[467] What?

[468] I would put drugs in my booty hole before I put it in my little daughter's hair.

[469] Fuck that noise.

[470] Yeah.

[471] She can't stay still anyways when I do her hair.

[472] That's wild.

[473] Sometimes there's like a family in front of me. And if I'm flying solo, then I'll just switch lines.

[474] And then, like, they'll look at me. Like, oh, you know, the disrespect.

[475] You know, but I'm like, you've got a three -year -old.

[476] You've got a toddler.

[477] Oh, yeah.

[478] And, like, leave me alone.

[479] Like, I have to do this.

[480] Or when you're behind, like, old people.

[481] Like, that's, oh, my gosh.

[482] Am I an angel?

[483] Because I sit and I watch and I wait for when they need help.

[484] And I'm like, I got you.

[485] What meds are you on?

[486] Because I need those.

[487] Yeah.

[488] I'm looking for some now.

[489] I'm not on any.

[490] Oh, mine aren't working.

[491] I mean, I straight up chew my jaw off.

[492] And I've definitely made my ass clench so hard.

[493] I don't have an ass anymore.

[494] I should get a Brazilian butt lift at some point for Kwanza.

[495] But, you know, I'm going to ride it out, L .O .L. And see if tired mom working booties are going to come back, just like crinolent.

[496] So, you know, or bell bottoms.

[497] Everything finds its way out.

[498] Yeah, I mean, I try to be as patient as possible with people in the airport because I do realize this is like a big undertaking for them.

[499] I know.

[500] They booked the trip.

[501] They left their house.

[502] This isn't something they do often.

[503] Yeah.

[504] And so I just wait, watch and see because even my parents are really good travelers.

[505] They always like make jokes to my mom and my dad.

[506] And I'm just like, if you would have believed in me the way Matthew Knowles believed in Beyonce and Solange.

[507] Right.

[508] We could have been flying private, bitch.

[509] That part.

[510] No. Take your little orthopedic shoe off and put it in a fucking.

[511] and try.

[512] I don't think I could travel with children or my parents.

[513] Like, I would help people.

[514] Mm -hmm.

[515] Yeah.

[516] I don't want to seem like a total asshole, but...

[517] No, that's okay.

[518] It is like an episode of The Amazing Race with no fucking pride.

[519] So that's why I'm just like, I can't read a map.

[520] My brain goes cuckoo, but I can travel with these dummies.

[521] And also one time I traveled with my friend's cat, because she has so many pets.

[522] She went from New York to L .A. and her cat, Olivia Newton, John, who like, gained weight and didn't even fit in the bag.

[523] I was like, I don't want a cat, but, bitch, you gain weight.

[524] And we had a stuffer in the bag.

[525] I was like, what in the Southwest is going on?

[526] This is not okay.

[527] And I've never traveled with a cat before.

[528] They make you take it out, right?

[529] Yeah.

[530] How were there not more cats running around the airport that have gotten loose?

[531] You go into a private room.

[532] Oh.

[533] And then the cat runs under, like, a fucking piece of equipment.

[534] Meow.

[535] Yeah, that was the cat.

[536] That was the cat.

[537] I like the one where, like, the cat is, like, stuck in a ball.

[538] Like, it's like this space ball that they can look.

[539] out of?

[540] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[541] Have you ever traveled that way with your kitty?

[542] No, I don't do, I thankfully don't do that travel with animals, but I can't imagine the cat wants to see the outside world that much, right?

[543] Yeah.

[544] Right.

[545] Like the confusion of it seems a little intense.

[546] Right, right.

[547] I have two questions, you guys.

[548] Okay.

[549] Have you guys met and or worked with a person who is, not necessarily at the top of their game, but very talented, like really talented but just still so fucking miserable.

[550] Oh my god yes okay why are you looking at me like that okay no but I'm just okay I get way too personal but seriously like I am starting to run into people where I'm just like is it trauma yeah what the fuck is it like I can understand someone who hasn't figured it out and they're like I know everything because they don't and you figure them out or like you know I don't know anything and I'm miserable because people have found me at whatever it is but like someone who's actually good that brings the bad energy?

[551] I'm like, what, where is this coming from?

[552] That's childhood trauma.

[553] I think that, I think perfectionism is like a great way to be miserable no matter what you achieve, you know?

[554] I think that is a hard one to like get past.

[555] Yeah.

[556] I mean, sometimes it's kind of like, I understand it's like it's so cautionary, but it's like I recently went to this like big old celebs apartment, yeah, a flex, a flex.

[557] And it was penthouse apartment.

[558] And they were just like, yeah, man, I don't know.

[559] I don't know about stuff.

[560] And I'm just like, oh, wow.

[561] You know, like, that's really cool.

[562] We're never going to hang out.

[563] But this is really cool.

[564] And to see this is like dope.

[565] You look, you remind me of Batman.

[566] And I got to go.

[567] You know, like, it was like.

[568] Who is name names?

[569] Give us the visual.

[570] No, can't do that.

[571] Can't do that.

[572] But they not happy with what they had.

[573] They were just, they were not happy with what they had and they wanted more.

[574] But this person is, like, so successful, so powerful in the game, and they just still, it's still not good enough.

[575] Like, I think my wildest dreams are their lowest expectations.

[576] And I'm just like, this is crazy.

[577] Like, I guess I don't totally understand what's the word when you try really hard for things, you know, ambition.

[578] I don't get ambition at all.

[579] I'm like, when people are super ambitious and I'm like, don't you like taking a nap?

[580] Like, have you heard of naps?

[581] Oh, I love naps.

[582] You guys, I don't nap.

[583] I know.

[584] I have to.

[585] What is so great about naps?

[586] Oh.

[587] You feel refreshed, don't you?

[588] It's a reset on your entire day.

[589] Yes.

[590] You feel refreshed.

[591] You have the whole rest of the day to like, it's like having two days in one.

[592] It is.

[593] And it's like, it's the same thing as like the way your first cup of coffee works for you.

[594] You're just like, let's go.

[595] That's what it just feels like cold eye patches.

[596] You're just like, mama, mama.

[597] No, I'm right now.

[598] That's so true.

[599] Right.

[600] Okay.

[601] The napping order in my house is like tied between my dog and my wife.

[602] And so like, who naps the longest?

[603] And she just wakes up pissed all the time.

[604] Oh.

[605] Oh, no. She's like, I'm taking 20 minutes.

[606] I'm going to go for a nap.

[607] Go ahead.

[608] Comes down.

[609] What the fuck is all this shit?

[610] Is it two hours later?

[611] Does she like?

[612] No, she comes down 20 minutes later.

[613] Maybe she needs two hours.

[614] Yeah.

[615] She can have them.

[616] I'm just like.

[617] Let it go into a deep rim sleep.

[618] Just like, let Mama go.

[619] You ever had those naps?

[620] We're just like, I'm going all the way all night.

[621] And you don't have to set an alarm nap.

[622] That's amazing.

[623] Yeah.

[624] Oh, wow.

[625] To me, that's my ambition.

[626] Success to me means I'm able to take a nap in the middle of the day.

[627] Like, there was a long time in my life that I couldn't.

[628] You know, I worked day jobs, so I could never do that.

[629] Yeah.

[630] I didn't think that would ever end.

[631] And so back then, I'd be like, if I can take a nap every day, I'm successful.

[632] Yeah.

[633] You can full on take naps at the job.

[634] I've done that.

[635] I've done it.

[636] Yeah.

[637] The naps and also having a car pick me up.

[638] Oh.

[639] And go to like an event or to a show or the airport.

[640] Okay, that's a good nap.

[641] That's a good nap, but that's also like a sign of success for me where I'm just like, I can take a nap in this car.

[642] Yeah.

[643] That's somebody else booked me. Totally.

[644] A booked car for you or a I'm getting picked up.

[645] There'll be no time in my life.

[646] We're seeing my name or my husband's name when we.

[647] We walk off the airplane and someone's holding up a sign to be like, here's your car, ma 'am.

[648] Yeah.

[649] The best.

[650] I almost want to take a picture every time, but I'm like, I'm not going to take.

[651] Me too.

[652] Like, pretend you belong.

[653] And they're like, what in the first rodeo is going on?

[654] And I'm way too friendly to the drivers.

[655] I'm like, how is your weight?

[656] Me too.

[657] Do you have to carry my bag?

[658] I can carry my bag.

[659] I know.

[660] Stop being a hero.

[661] Here you go.

[662] Did you wash your hands?

[663] Yuck.

[664] Yuck.

[665] I know.

[666] I do that all the time.

[667] I'm like, no. No, no, no, I'm from Brooklyn, so I take my own bags.

[668] You know, they're like, okay.

[669] Oh, no, you give him a dad joke.

[670] Oh, my goodness.

[671] Who saved who, ladies and gentlemen?

[672] Non -binary royalty.

[673] Who saved who?

[674] Dad jokes with the drivers.

[675] I have an uncle that's a driver, and he la la dad jokes.

[676] He was driving me years ago.

[677] Somebody jumped in front of like try to make the light in New York.

[678] Yeah, baby.

[679] And it was a green light.

[680] And he said, just like very gently out the window.

[681] He's like, you never see a car in a hospital bed.

[682] And I was like, okay, okay.

[683] What?

[684] Okay.

[685] I like that.

[686] Yeah, but he also said, like, when I ordered a drink sex on the beach, she's like, you know what happens when you have sex on the beach?

[687] I was like, what, uncle?

[688] Yeah, like, I don't want to know.

[689] He's like, you get sand in your ass.

[690] I was like, I am leaving now.

[691] Not just the restaurant, the family, just the family.

[692] family.

[693] The Facebook.

[694] The family Facebook.

[695] I'll see you on 23 of me. Bye -bye.

[696] What was your grandma's name?

[697] I love grandma names.

[698] I do too.

[699] And this one's a good one.

[700] Thelma.

[701] Grandma Thelma.

[702] Oh, my.

[703] My grandma.

[704] I know.

[705] And Molly.

[706] Grandma Thelma and Molly, like classic.

[707] Wish I wanted kids because that would be their names.

[708] But I made my character, my grandma's name, which is Mavis.

[709] Yes.

[710] I love it.

[711] She was my person.

[712] Yeah.

[713] But Thelma, Oh, baby.

[714] That one was...

[715] My grandma's name was Eunice.

[716] Beautiful.

[717] Look.

[718] I mean, that is of a time.

[719] That is vintage.

[720] That is a vintage blend.

[721] It is.

[722] And my great grandmother's name was Elbetha.

[723] What?

[724] Her sister, her favorite sister's name was El Rethel.

[725] And my auntie's name is Sabetha.

[726] So you better write...

[727] What in the girl group that will never happen is going on?

[728] Oh my goodness That is the SWV of the 1800s What do you even mean?

[729] The Mississippi Delta was Pumping out some names Truly Where is my tambourine bitch I didn't know we were going to church Where is Viola Davis for the reboots?

[730] Have you ever met anyone with In the Wild people with those names?

[731] Hell no That was a time They've made them up That was like color purple era names Look not unless I ran into somebody on Rum Springer Yeah.

[732] Doesn't know.

[733] No. And no one's copied him since.

[734] Oh, my God.

[735] Yeah.

[736] What does Beyonce say?

[737] I am one of one.

[738] Yes.

[739] I am the only one.

[740] Love it.

[741] Those are those names and they are forever.

[742] We love them etched in time.

[743] That's beautiful.

[744] Oh, wow.

[745] What in the Smucker's happy birthday is going on, Al Roka?

[746] We need it.

[747] Did I never tell you that?

[748] I never told you that.

[749] I'm sorry, Michelle.

[750] You never told me?

[751] And this is the thing.

[752] I learned something new every day.

[753] I was to eight years old when truths are coming out.

[754] My dad's mom.

[755] was a twin.

[756] Wow.

[757] And they were named Cleo and Cleanor.

[758] And I'm like, huh, how come no one took the time?

[759] I love them in Cleo.

[760] Same.

[761] But what is the other one?

[762] Cleonor.

[763] I've never heard that.

[764] It's the same name.

[765] Yeah.

[766] It's the longer version of the person.

[767] Yeah, it's the actual version of the other thing.

[768] People were wild back then.

[769] They were.

[770] It's like naming your twins Mish and Michelle.

[771] It's like, did we not?

[772] Like, yeah.

[773] I know it's probably really hard back in the day to be like, oh, my God, I didn't even know I was pregnant with two.

[774] Right.

[775] Just quick, think of another one.

[776] So you didn't even, like, plan on a name right away.

[777] No. So, like, I get it, but still.

[778] Claire.

[779] Claire and all.

[780] And you didn't know as a boy or a girl.

[781] But I did, I do love pet names because those are, like, real fun.

[782] And I named my lab mastiff, Lola Falana, because she's a big, beautiful black bitch.

[783] I named my most recent cat, Moses.

[784] So that's where I'm going with that.

[785] Wow.

[786] What in the First Testament?

[787] Genesis, Exodus.

[788] Come on, Gwedda Patro.

[789] Let's go.

[790] I'm not religious.

[791] I just like the name.

[792] And his name is now Moe.

[793] So it's like not even that beautiful anymore.

[794] Oh, it's great.

[795] Who doesn't love a Moses?

[796] Yeah.

[797] Come on.

[798] Give it up for Yahweh.

[799] We're doing it.

[800] 40 days, 40 nights.

[801] Yeah.

[802] And if you have another cat, you can name them like Ram Gilead or like Nebuchadnezzar or something really deeply biblical.

[803] He could not wait.

[804] She fucking say that.

[805] Someone finished college, unlike me. I adopted a boy and girl lab pit mix and names them Bobby Whitney.

[806] Oh.

[807] That's all.

[808] That's sweet.

[809] So this is the part of the show.

[810] Is this a show?

[811] It's a podcast.

[812] But it's the podcast show, right?

[813] Did we start?

[814] Oh, my God.

[815] Are we recording?

[816] The plane's going down.

[817] Don't worry.

[818] I got you.

[819] Thank you.

[820] Some days I do wake up and I do feel like Denzel Washington at the end of every movie.

[821] I'm like, can I bring you?

[822] the train back on the tracks.

[823] I gotta do it for my boy because he needs a new heart.

[824] You know what I mean?

[825] He needs a new heart.

[826] Is that junk you?

[827] I don't know.

[828] Why were you watching junk of all the did sell movies?

[829] He's got to land the plane and go back to Rosario Dawson who's his wife.

[830] Now's the time to get brave and do the thing.

[831] Yeah.

[832] Get brave, do the thing.

[833] Yeah.

[834] And then when I got really tired, I turned into like Sam Jackson.

[835] I'm like, what a thing?

[836] Say, what I'm not to do it.

[837] Because that's like, too, well, no one needs it.

[838] Okay.

[839] Let's go.

[840] So we have fans, audience members.

[841] They ask us questions about adulting, and we try to answer them because we're experts.

[842] Experts, question mark.

[843] Adults?

[844] Adults in some circles.

[845] Adultish.

[846] In Tara Bang.

[847] It's 5 p .m. Okay, we're done.

[848] Do you want me to go first?

[849] Yeah, you have the first question.

[850] Okay.

[851] Okay, so here it goes.

[852] So I am 28 and my mom got remarried.

[853] Happy for her double exclamation point, but she is asking me to remove all of my belongings from her house.

[854] I don't have space in my current living situation, but I don't want to get rid of all my childhood memories.

[855] Oh.

[856] How do I talk to my mom about this?

[857] I understand she needs to make room for the new, but I am hoping she can help me keep a little bit of the old until I figure out my next steps.

[858] Hmm.

[859] 28, huh?

[860] Wow.

[861] I wonder how much it really is.

[862] Is it like hoarding situation or is it just like, it's like a box of my drawings, Mom?

[863] Mm. You know?

[864] Yeah.

[865] I mean, you want a little bit, a little flavor of your children around.

[866] Yeah.

[867] And 28 is, that's really riding the line because it's getting.

[868] Yeah.

[869] It is.

[870] It depends on what kind of 28 -year -old.

[871] Yeah.

[872] I heard the question, but what I'm really feeling is you're uncomfortable with the next phase of your mom's life and being cut out.

[873] Mm -hmm.

[874] And I don't know how old your mom.

[875] mom is, but it also is time for her to live her life.

[876] You know, I've always wanted to be a mom, and now that I'm a mom, I'm like, holy shit.

[877] A lot of people should not be parent.

[878] Like, no one should be pressured into being a parent because it is so much, it's so much work.

[879] Yeah.

[880] Like, all the time.

[881] And, like, you just fight to have your own thoughts and peace sometimes, hence the naps.

[882] And so, like, it has been all about you for a long time.

[883] Let this be all about her.

[884] And don't put some more shit on your mom You're almost 30 Figure your shit out Get like a storage unit Right Sell some of your shit Have your mom have her space back To make a new life Because you know what She ain't gonna be wet forever And she need to sit and spin all something While she still can, boo -boo That is a very good point It does feel like that this person's maybe A little afraid That their mom is replacing them Yes Yes So maybe the conversation is about that and not about your things because your things don't matter like your pottery you made in high school like you can it's not that good throw it out take a picture and throw it out yeah yeah and now you can start a new tradition like your lunch can be your thing or yeah you know the gifts you give each other but it doesn't have to be about replacing you it can be exactly what you said about moving on with her life but for me the question that's not being answered is how evil is this new husband.

[885] Right.

[886] And are you stopping him, you know, from pulling off his evil plan?

[887] Okay, Black Ira Glass.

[888] Let's go.

[889] No, I just feel, I just, no one has asked the question.

[890] Yeah.

[891] And I just feel like, you know, maybe this is a good thing.

[892] Maybe you want to keep a recording device in the house.

[893] Sure.

[894] Oh, shit.

[895] Ask her, has he broached the topic of life insurance one too many times with her.

[896] Oh, shit.

[897] Is this a lifetime movie with Judith like Endo Sherry Shepard?

[898] Is she like Kiki Palmer?

[899] Does she need a camera in the living room to see what's going on?

[900] Okay.

[901] Like the thing is, too, I hate to say it.

[902] It's your mama's business.

[903] It ain't yours.

[904] Right.

[905] Yeah.

[906] Like, how many times have we told our mom to butt out?

[907] Do you know what I mean?

[908] So like...

[909] But we're right.

[910] We're right, though.

[911] You know what I mean?

[912] That's true.

[913] Like, you had to figure it out.

[914] We had to figure it out.

[915] She got to figure it out.

[916] Yeah, truly.

[917] That's all I'm saying.

[918] Yeah.

[919] I mean, that sucks.

[920] especially if you're like super, super close, but like bigger picture.

[921] It's tough.

[922] Okay.

[923] Wow, we really answered that.

[924] You guys, welcome to the view.

[925] All the levels.

[926] We answered it.

[927] Next question.

[928] Oh, my God.

[929] This is like a mom -quest.

[930] This is like a very mom -heavy.

[931] Go for it.

[932] Okay.

[933] My single mom flirts with my guy friends.

[934] How do I get her to stop?

[935] It's so embarrassing.

[936] Oh.

[937] Yeah.

[938] Oh, my God.

[939] I'm just thinking about Amy Polar in, oh, my God.

[940] What's that movie?

[941] Oh, and mean, girl?

[942] Mean girls, yeah.

[943] She's like, I'm cool.

[944] Yeah, I'm the cold mom.

[945] I mean, maybe she is.

[946] Maybe she's the hot mom and the friends are like, cool, great.

[947] We love it.

[948] You know what I mean?

[949] Yeah, that can be embarrassing so many ways.

[950] I mean, I didn't suffer from that, but I do remember the really the hot mom.

[951] And it was just like, hi, Mrs. Turkelson.

[952] Like, you're just like, you know, you're just one of these feelings in my body.

[953] That is how there he is.

[954] You know what I'll never be?

[955] The hot mom.

[956] I'll be the mom that teaches you how to use the tampon or a cup or whatever the fuck we're using.

[957] But yeah.

[958] It was Texas in the early 80s.

[959] Oh, the hair.

[960] Oh, yeah.

[961] Like Dallas.

[962] Yeah.

[963] I was like, oh, God, Kyle Hidal's mom.

[964] You know, like every pool party was like nails and iced tea and cigarettes, big curls, and plastic surgery.

[965] And you're like, oh, my God.

[966] Set it up.

[967] And tanning beds, probably.

[968] Tanning beds before.

[969] Tanning beds.

[970] Oh, God.

[971] God.

[972] Wait a minute.

[973] Can I ask, Georgia, was there a hot dad?

[974] No. Hot brother.

[975] Yes.

[976] Yes, yes.

[977] You know.

[978] Yeah.

[979] The older brother.

[980] The older brother of a friend would be that and they would just want us to leave them alone, you know?

[981] Yeah.

[982] But I always say that my mom does like, can only talk to dudes in a way that's like flirtatious.

[983] Yeah.

[984] The waiter.

[985] The fuck it.

[986] You know, whatever it is.

[987] There's a flirtation.

[988] Is your dad okay?

[989] No. They're divorced.

[990] No, they are divorced.

[991] So, no, that didn't go over well.

[992] And it's creepy when you're young, but again, you can't do anything about it.

[993] She's her own woman, right?

[994] That's true.

[995] Yeah.

[996] Just don't bring your friends around her, I guess.

[997] I think telling her after she does it, like if she does it and you're like, mom, when you do that, it makes me uncomfortable.

[998] Totally.

[999] It really makes me uncomfortable.

[1000] And I'd like it if you didn't do it, at least in my presence, you know?

[1001] That is the creating of a boundary, right?

[1002] It's like, when I'm around, this is what it's going to be.

[1003] And I've let you do it, and now you've hit a point, and that's it.

[1004] Yeah.

[1005] I feel like you're within your rights to do that.

[1006] And bringing up specific things, too, is important.

[1007] Like, when you said this, that was flirtation.

[1008] Like, sometimes people don't know that they're being flirty.

[1009] You know what I mean?

[1010] Yeah.

[1011] Yeah.

[1012] Like this thing that you said, or you touch his arm and that was creepy.

[1013] Oh.

[1014] Yeah, the arm touch, the unnecessary arm touch.

[1015] A necessary arm touch.

[1016] I don't know a lot of rich people, but I went to, like, a comedian's wedding in South Pasadena, California.

[1017] Mm -hmm.

[1018] It was giving eyes wide shut, but, like, at a barbecue, and I had never been around that many rich white people before.

[1019] Everyone was named Taylor.

[1020] And just, like, b 'bba bangs.

[1021] I've never seen so many people with face responsibility.

[1022] And my husband and I were, like, just married.

[1023] And this is, like, the first time I saw, like, really rich people just all kiss each other the mouth.

[1024] Oh, you.

[1025] No. Do they do that?

[1026] What are you talking about?

[1027] You know, like, Jane Seymour in, um, wedding crashers, like, oh, oh, yes.

[1028] Like, the mom who's like, oh, my God, I love this tie.

[1029] And it's like, what?

[1030] And so, none of that was to me, but, like, I remember I brought my husband.

[1031] We were married for, like, six months.

[1032] We're still paid from the wedding.

[1033] And yeah, women were, like, kissing him hello on his lips and, like, or, like, on his cheek, like, in the corner, like, right near his lips.

[1034] And I was like, what the fuck is this?

[1035] And my friend was like, this is how rich people do.

[1036] And I'm like, what?

[1037] Yeah.

[1038] Holy shit.

[1039] Yeah.

[1040] Oh, that would creep me out on so much.

[1041] Like, even when a dude friend kisses me on the cheek, it's so, I'm not okay with it.

[1042] It's so inappropriate to me. Like, do an air kiss, but I don't want your fucking mouth on my face.

[1043] Ew.

[1044] You know what I mean?

[1045] When you put it that way, absolutely.

[1046] Get your mouth off my face.

[1047] Yeah.

[1048] The title of this episode.

[1049] Can I tell you, in Holland, where my husband's from, they kiss on the cheek three times.

[1050] Wow.

[1051] Oh my God.

[1052] Yeah.

[1053] So, like, when you walk into a party, like, it's just never ending.

[1054] And I'm like, wow.

[1055] Can we end some?

[1056] Mug, gna, gna, mu.

[1057] And the first time I didn't know and I was pulling away and they were like, went.

[1058] And I was like, this is too much.

[1059] By family, we do close cheek air kiss so you get them in your ear, essentially.

[1060] But your faces don't touch.

[1061] It's very, like, hygienic, but loving.

[1062] But also withholding.

[1063] You know what I mean?

[1064] It's that perfect amount of, like, like weirdness with comfort.

[1065] Yeah.

[1066] I didn't mind before, but now I really mind because now I don't really know what people are doing with their mouth.

[1067] Yeah.

[1068] Post -COVID, that's over.

[1069] It's disgusting.

[1070] Yeah.

[1071] The first time I smelled bad breath out of COVID, I was like, no. This is how I get COVID, and I don't miss this at all.

[1072] That's gone, blowing out candles on a cake.

[1073] That should be gone completely.

[1074] Yeah.

[1075] Has it been bad?

[1076] Like a green flame shoots out of somebody's, mouth?

[1077] No, I just mean like you're blowing your germs.

[1078] Look, I have a little bit of OCD.

[1079] Okay, okay.

[1080] It might be me a little bit.

[1081] Got you.

[1082] No, I love this.

[1083] It might be me and not COVID.

[1084] Let's talk about it because there's a lot of people that don't take their shoes off when they come in my house and I'm just like, do you mind?

[1085] And then like one person was like, I don't really do it.

[1086] I'm like, okay.

[1087] And then they got dog shit that wasn't from my dog on my carpet.

[1088] And I was like, this is why you take your fucking shoes off.

[1089] My God.

[1090] That's how.

[1091] That's how.

[1092] a plague start, literally.

[1093] That's like, so, I have such an issue with that.

[1094] That's how the bubonic plague started.

[1095] People didn't take off their clogs.

[1096] Is that what it was?

[1097] You come in this house, you take off your clogs.

[1098] I feel like, yes.

[1099] Okay, totally take your shoes off.

[1100] Totally take your shoes off.

[1101] Sometimes, though, people, people's feet smells like, that kind of like tang, and it's like, that's what they're scared that they're putting into the atmosphere.

[1102] I'm just putting it out there.

[1103] to say, I will gladly take my shoes off.

[1104] I have great smelling feet.

[1105] Good night.

[1106] I don't mind, I don't mind other people leaving their shoes on when they come over.

[1107] Like, I'm just not going to make people do that.

[1108] But if you're going to, then like have a pair of socks for people available.

[1109] Because I don't do bare feet on the floor that grosses me out.

[1110] Yeah.

[1111] Right.

[1112] And I don't want people staring at my gross feet, you know.

[1113] Yeah.

[1114] Actually, I really cute feet, but they're not.

[1115] They don't need to stare at.

[1116] Ooh, prove it.

[1117] Wiki feet come through.

[1118] Do it.

[1119] Wiki feet.

[1120] I have a wiki feet.

[1121] I sort of You do it.

[1122] You must have a wiki feet.

[1123] I didn't start it.

[1124] but there is a wiki feed.

[1125] Yeah, socks.

[1126] I have guest socks and I have guest slippers.

[1127] Wow.

[1128] And here's something that skews me out too.

[1129] And then I have to get to the next question, but this really skews me out.

[1130] Okay.

[1131] And let me know if I'm alone.

[1132] Eating in an airport restaurant and using the fork.

[1133] Oh.

[1134] Because I'm like, have they really cleaned this?

[1135] How many people have gone through this fork?

[1136] Absolutely not.

[1137] That's why I'm not mad at like a plastic fork.

[1138] Sorry, I want to save the earth too, but I also want to save my face.

[1139] Yeah.

[1140] You know what I want to do?

[1141] I won't drink out of a cup or like a glass in a hotel room.

[1142] Never.

[1143] They wipe it with the same towel that they use on the counters.

[1144] I've seen 2020.

[1145] Yeah, never.

[1146] Don't put your mouth on anything in a hotel.

[1147] Truly.

[1148] Okay.

[1149] Just don't do it.

[1150] Words to live by.

[1151] Look, that's the name of this episode, guys.

[1152] Okay.

[1153] Next question.

[1154] Okay.

[1155] Yes.

[1156] Oh, this is the saucy Santana question.

[1157] Oh, my God.

[1158] I don't even know how to Here we go Okay It's problematic Because I'm looking at it too Oh no Do you want to do it together No I don't want to do it together I don't want to say together And I don't want to do it together Let me just do it Okay Ask play I want to get into it But I don't know where to start How do I begin Like first of all The fact that Jordan wanted to do that question With me troubles me Together as friends Do you as your friend in this journey of Asplay.

[1159] That's what I do.

[1160] As a middle child, I am solving everything.

[1161] And I'm here for you.

[1162] Oh, my God.

[1163] And now the party can begin because I'm here.

[1164] So supportive.

[1165] Yay.

[1166] Oh, my God.

[1167] I just got so thirsty.

[1168] I just got so thirsty.

[1169] Where's my Yeti?

[1170] I need my water.

[1171] I am parched.

[1172] Listen, I say nobody asked.

[1173] But I'll start.

[1174] Yes.

[1175] I would go to a store.

[1176] and ask somebody that you sort of trust there, like, what are the good things to start with?

[1177] If you don't know.

[1178] Because if you don't know, you don't want to start at, like, a very difficult course if you need something a little bit more intermediate.

[1179] Do you know what I mean?

[1180] Yeah, you don't want to go in hot, essentially.

[1181] You want to go in warm.

[1182] I'm blushing right now.

[1183] I'm the wrong person to ask us because I just pretend that that part of my body doesn't exist and his doesn't either in love.

[1184] I love that we were just like, I don't like my feet too.

[1185] the floor.

[1186] But let's get it to ass play.

[1187] Because I'm sweeping the floor with my ass.

[1188] Listen, there's something for everyone.

[1189] 100%.

[1190] But I would say, do that.

[1191] Go to a...

[1192] Yes.

[1193] Once Jordan calms down.

[1194] I'd say go to a store.

[1195] Also, like, watch some porn.

[1196] Mm -hmm.

[1197] Do some research.

[1198] You know, see what you might be into.

[1199] Talk about it with your partner first.

[1200] Yeah.

[1201] Because that's not always on the menu.

[1202] That's something you should talk about before ordering.

[1203] for sure.

[1204] I think being curious together is a good one.

[1205] Yes.

[1206] For this person's like, I want to bring out all my stuff.

[1207] And it's like, no, I'm curious about it.

[1208] And it's that kind of a fun relationship thing to do is like, yeah, the porn thing is a great idea.

[1209] Like, let's watch and see what happens when people do that.

[1210] Yes.

[1211] Yeah.

[1212] Right.

[1213] And I think exploring like to what degree do you want to be penetrated, to what degree do you want to penetrate somebody else, like in that kind of thing and what their comfort levels are.

[1214] I love that he goes, somebody else.

[1215] You don't want to be surprised by that.

[1216] I had no idea.

[1217] I didn't know.

[1218] Oh, my God.

[1219] I can feel and hear the roller coaster of emotions is going on between those two moving blanket.

[1220] A surprise penetration is not good for anyone.

[1221] Look, no. Not even if you yell like happy Kwanza.

[1222] It's never fun in any way.

[1223] How dare you disrespect?

[1224] In fact, December 26?

[1225] Like that.

[1226] Kootchakalia!

[1227] All right.

[1228] Oh, my God.

[1229] I feel like it's a conversation.

[1230] Okay.

[1231] I'm just saying like...

[1232] It's a conversation that, yeah, of course, like, you should know those things about each other, right?

[1233] Yeah.

[1234] 100%.

[1235] And if anything, start small with beads.

[1236] There you go.

[1237] Absolutely.

[1238] Next question, Jordan.

[1239] Call it, what's your name?

[1240] Were you calling from?

[1241] Okay.

[1242] My husband say...

[1243] Excuse me. You okay?

[1244] Let's take a breath.

[1245] Should we put her arms up?

[1246] Let's just...

[1247] The way this is written is very conversational.

[1248] My husband, let's say, region, doesn't smell great.

[1249] Oh.

[1250] Maybe it's his body wash that leaves a scent that makes me feel like gagging.

[1251] How do I approach this topic?

[1252] You've gotten this far in your life and relationship with them and they don't know that.

[1253] They're not like my new boyfriend.

[1254] They're my husband.

[1255] Yeah.

[1256] You've got to open up lines of communication.

[1257] Truly.

[1258] Yeah, you got to talk about it.

[1259] Because you know what?

[1260] I bet your husband would have no problem telling you.

[1261] Right.

[1262] You know what I mean?

[1263] So I'm just like, what is it?

[1264] Does he need to use a different soap, eat something different?

[1265] Is this pH balance off?

[1266] Well, the typical answer would be, why don't you try showering or taking a bath together?

[1267] But really, it's like, you don't need a tiptoe.

[1268] No. This is your husband.

[1269] This is your life partner.

[1270] Like getting married.

[1271] Like, your partner's crotch is like your roommate.

[1272] Like, I see that thing more than, like, my parents.

[1273] For sure.

[1274] You pick it out of a lineup.

[1275] Yeah.

[1276] So it matters.

[1277] It matters.

[1278] Yeah.

[1279] Come on.

[1280] Don't be a fucking hero.

[1281] Don't do that to yourself.

[1282] Totally.

[1283] Save yourself.

[1284] I'm going to ask another question because we cannot end on someone's crotch.

[1285] Can't end on someone's end and you can't end on someone's crotch.

[1286] You know what I mean?

[1287] Yeah.

[1288] I do.

[1289] Okay.

[1290] Here's the last question.

[1291] And Georgia, you're a walking angel.

[1292] Okay.

[1293] Thank you.

[1294] How do I go about investing?

[1295] I've been living paycheck to paycheck for most of my adulthood.

[1296] And now that I'm at a new company with a decent salary, I'm looking to maintain some financial security.

[1297] It's an intimidating hurdle, and I don't know where to start.

[1298] I love that.

[1299] Yeah, that is so important.

[1300] It is.

[1301] And I totally understand that one.

[1302] I'll say high -yield savings accounts are a really good place to start.

[1303] Yeah, right now.

[1304] What's that?

[1305] High -yield savings accounts?

[1306] Uh -huh.

[1307] So there's savings accounts, like, at your bank or whatever, and those give you like a teeny tiny percentage.

[1308] You'll not make any money off of that.

[1309] While you're waiting to figure it out and learning, go Google a high -yield savings account at a safe banking institution and put your money in there while you wait and listen to a bunch of podcasts about finances, right?

[1310] Yeah, yeah, the compounded interest right now.

[1311] Some of the highest right now are like hovering at about 4 to 5%.

[1312] Now, back in the day, I used to do that with my own money and it was like when I first started in comedy and then interest rates, of course, went down with the recession and COVID and all that.

[1313] But now it's a good time to do it.

[1314] Now it's a saving time and banks are begging for people's money and their savings account.

[1315] Not the commercial banks, but banks like ally and things like that.

[1316] So you are so on the money.

[1317] Amen to that, Georgia.

[1318] Like, do that shit.

[1319] And there's so many pot.

[1320] That's how I learned, I don't know, ton, but I know some basics.

[1321] And it's all from podcasts, like financial podcasts out there.

[1322] Oh, that's such a good piece of advice.

[1323] Find the people you like, find the topics you like, and learn.

[1324] But go slow.

[1325] Yeah.

[1326] That's what I was just going to say.

[1327] The emotional part of it is like, it is huge.

[1328] It's like waking up one day and just saying I have to lose weight, right?

[1329] And it feels overwhelming and daunting because you think you're just supposed to like drop this weight and be super healthy within like weeks.

[1330] But it takes time.

[1331] And so if you're overwhelmed by this, they use the word hurdle.

[1332] Just one day at a time, truly.

[1333] You got this.

[1334] Yeah.

[1335] Yeah.

[1336] You got this.

[1337] Yeah.

[1338] Oh, my goodness.

[1339] Well, I'm so glad we ended on our adult question, not about someone's stinky dick.

[1340] Funky spunk?

[1341] We ask all our guests.

[1342] What is the most adult thing you want to do for yourself that you haven't had a chance to do yet?

[1343] And it could be big or small or medium.

[1344] Medium.

[1345] Let me think.

[1346] I have completely lost the plot when it comes to being in shape in a way that, like, makes me feel old.

[1347] You know what I mean?

[1348] Yeah.

[1349] Like, I'm 43.

[1350] I think that's not old at all.

[1351] No. But somehow I'm like, well, that time's over for me. Aw.

[1352] Taking care of myself in that way.

[1353] Oh.

[1354] I know.

[1355] And I need to remember, like, people run marathons in their 60s and, you know.

[1356] And I just need to get that in my head because I'm such a like, I'm such a napper that I'm like, well, I'm going to go take a nap.

[1357] No. I need to like discipline myself.

[1358] And I talk about this in therapy all the time where it's like, if you didn't have a lot of discipline as a child, you don't know how to do it to yourself as an adult.

[1359] Yeah.

[1360] But you have to be, you have to parent yourself and be like, okay, Georgia, I know you want to nap right now, but a 30 -minute walk is going to make you feel better in so many ways.

[1361] Yeah.

[1362] You know what really worked for me, and I don't know if it will work for you, but making plans with my friends to go for a walk or a jog or like a dance class or like whatever kind because I was like, I'm not going to let my friend down.

[1363] Right.

[1364] I'll cancel all day long.

[1365] I have a peloton at home.

[1366] Are you kidding me?

[1367] It's just.

[1368] Oh my God.

[1369] Yes.

[1370] Like I'm hanging shit on it at this point.

[1371] Of course.

[1372] But if I had a friend meet me at my bike every day, I'd be like, I'm coming because I don't want to let those motherfuckers down.

[1373] Totally.

[1374] Right.

[1375] So I don't know.

[1376] Maybe that would wear.

[1377] And then also I bought like new workout clothes at Target.

[1378] That's a good one.

[1379] Right.

[1380] Because I'm just like, this shit looks like I'm mad at myself.

[1381] Yeah.

[1382] And so I just got like a new black one.

[1383] You know what I mean?

[1384] No, that's a really great point because the pants, the stretch pants I have, I love them.

[1385] But the elastic is gone.

[1386] Yep.

[1387] Yep.

[1388] They fall off while I, you know, workout.

[1389] To, like, have a cute new outfit to, like, work out in?

[1390] It's everything, for sure.

[1391] Yeah.

[1392] Especially, like, in California, everyone loves to hike.

[1393] Yes.

[1394] Oh, my God.

[1395] Bring some juices, go on a hike, do the little hot goss.

[1396] That's a good one.

[1397] Spill the tea.

[1398] I haven't done that in years.

[1399] It's a great idea.

[1400] If I was there, I would do it with you.

[1401] I would love that.

[1402] What's one kind of exercise routine you've never really done before, but, like, wanted to try?

[1403] Ooh.

[1404] There is an aerial, uh, gymnastic place.

[1405] by my house.

[1406] But I think it's a leap for children.

[1407] Wow.

[1408] That is so cool.

[1409] But I'm determined.

[1410] That's a leap.

[1411] Oh my gosh.

[1412] That's cool.

[1413] It's giving Steve Corral realness.

[1414] I want it.

[1415] Yeah.

[1416] There is a pole dancing studio that I've never done that.

[1417] I can't imagine.

[1418] I can barely do a push -up.

[1419] I can't imagine I can do that.

[1420] But it's a no for me. I'm just too top -heavy.

[1421] That's like one of my hero.

[1422] That's insane.

[1423] The fact that I can tie my own shoelace on camera and not always go, like give me an Oscar.

[1424] Michelle.

[1425] What's up?

[1426] I could see you like with tanning Chatham, whatever his name is.

[1427] Yes.

[1428] His name is Channing, but that's hilarious.

[1429] Tanning Chatham.

[1430] Tanning Chatham.

[1431] I don't really watch a lot of his films, but I could see you doing a little something in the NZ.

[1432] Yeah.

[1433] What are we talking about?

[1434] I could see it for her in a film.

[1435] I could see that for you.

[1436] On a poll, for sure.

[1437] Something.

[1438] I'm just saying, I'm just saying, if that is what you wish or want.

[1439] I think you should try it.

[1440] Nobody said that.

[1441] Like, literally you said it.

[1442] No one said it.

[1443] I was talking about hiking.

[1444] I can see it.

[1445] Well, stop seeing it.

[1446] That's on you.

[1447] What about pole hiking?

[1448] Is pole hiking the new trend in L .A.?

[1449] Pole hiking?

[1450] That's what old people do.

[1451] Oh, you're right.

[1452] That's just a walker.

[1453] It's just a walking stick.

[1454] Oh.

[1455] I thought you guys were talking about like strip pole like the strip pole and hiking at the same time.

[1456] I was.

[1457] She was.

[1458] She was.

[1459] But then there's like an actual pole that you take hiking.

[1460] Right.

[1461] Oh, my goodness.

[1462] This has been amazing.

[1463] It was so fun hanging out with you.

[1464] Thank you so much for doing this silly little show.

[1465] Thank you guys so much.

[1466] I adore you both.

[1467] I love the show.

[1468] Oh.

[1469] Thank you so much.

[1470] Thank you, Georgia.

[1471] Thanks to you guys.

[1472] Wow.

[1473] We learned a lot.

[1474] Yeah.

[1475] About each other.

[1476] About people's holes, their wishes, their wants, questions, answers.

[1477] More questions than answers.

[1478] More questions than answers?

[1479] Yeah, more questions than answers is what people have.

[1480] Yeah.

[1481] I think the world would be a better place if we asked more questions.

[1482] Hmm.

[1483] Like what?

[1484] I mean, whether it comes to, like, federal funding or, like, who's running for what, or, like, you know, civil rights, like, fucking anything.

[1485] Like, even, like, your body and, like, expectations, what your mom is doing or not, like, fucking anything, to be honest.

[1486] Yeah.

[1487] Thank you.

[1488] Oh, my goodness.

[1489] My lovely assistant Abby just gave me a celtzer.

[1490] Oh.

[1491] Oh, yeah, that's refreshing.

[1492] Glock, quag, guck, guck, guck, guck, shout out to Abby.

[1493] Did you just wish for that and she brought it?

[1494] Or did you text her?

[1495] Like, what happened?

[1496] I texted her, because I am, I'm not lying.

[1497] I got really thirsty when I read the assplay question.

[1498] I understand.

[1499] Do you?

[1500] I get it.

[1501] Do you?

[1502] Look at this.

[1503] Someone, I'm trying to imagine.

[1504] No, come on now.

[1505] Michelle, stay with us, Michelle.

[1506] Michelle has been locked in a battle with this microphone.

[1507] Tired of the podcast recording.

[1508] No, Michelle.

[1509] No, no, Michelle.

[1510] This microphone is like that white kid in Lord of the Flies.

[1511] Shut the fuck up and sit down.

[1512] Oh my God.

[1513] For the record, all the kids in Lord of the Flies were white.

[1514] But that's...

[1515] They try to enter my mouth.

[1516] No microphone.

[1517] No. Maybe get a sandbag?

[1518] I don't know.

[1519] I'm just trying to help.

[1520] A sandbag.

[1521] A sandbag.

[1522] What did you call me?

[1523] I did you what?

[1524] I just want one normal interaction between me. What do you mean?

[1525] This is so us.

[1526] Forget it.

[1527] Forget it.

[1528] That was so fun.

[1529] Yeah.

[1530] Georgia was so cool.

[1531] So cool.

[1532] I love anybody that can conduct an interview whilst also like with a pet.

[1533] Love it.

[1534] Because I can't do it with my dog.

[1535] I can't do that.

[1536] I can.

[1537] Yeah.

[1538] You have cool dogs.

[1539] You have very cool dogs.

[1540] My dog is a little more high energy, you know?

[1541] Is he?

[1542] He always highs.

[1543] I wouldn't know.

[1544] Well, he's scared.

[1545] I mean, they're.

[1546] They say that the owner's energy vibrates through the dog.

[1547] So that's probably, he gets it for me, unfortunately.

[1548] But, you know, it is what it is.

[1549] It is what it is.

[1550] Okay.

[1551] I don't know how this got sad.

[1552] Thank you so much for listening.

[1553] Holy shit.

[1554] God.

[1555] Like, can you, is this, is this, this is this, this is this, this is this, this is this, this is really you for so long?

[1556] I'm like, this really isn't how you possibly think of yourself, is it?

[1557] I think.

[1558] Thank you so much.

[1559] What are you getting now?

[1560] I got a role of.

[1561] toilet paper because I can't find my tissues.

[1562] And I have to blow my nose.

[1563] Abby's just going on a worldwide scavenger.

[1564] Give me by Cherry Seltzer.

[1565] Give me a whole thing.

[1566] A toilet paper, girl.

[1567] Sorry, everyone.

[1568] I love it.

[1569] All right.

[1570] Listen, it's about that time, too.

[1571] You got to get your kids soon.

[1572] It is.

[1573] Yeah.

[1574] You know.

[1575] Great.

[1576] Good talk, man. See you later.

[1577] Okay.

[1578] Bye.

[1579] What the fuck?

[1580] I like I love the show, but I think I'm done.

[1581] I think I'm just done with this episode.

[1582] Bye -bye.

[1583] This has been an exactly right production.

[1584] Our senior producer is G. Ha Lee.

[1585] Our associate producer is Christina Chamberlain.

[1586] This episode was mixed by John Bradley.

[1587] Our guest booker is Patrick Kotner.

[1588] Additional production support from Hannah Kyle Crichton.

[1589] Theme song and live show DJing is by DJ Don Will.

[1590] Artwork by Jamie Bechtel.

[1591] Photography by Geis van der Most.

[1592] Executive produced by Karen Kilgarev.

[1593] Georgia Hardstar, and Danielle Kramer.

[1594] Follow the show on Instagram at Adulting the Pod.

[1595] Email your questions to adulting questions at gmail .com.

[1596] Mm -hmm.