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[0] This is exactly right.
[1] Hey, this is exciting.
[2] An all -new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[3] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[4] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[5] Who killed Saz?
[6] And were they really after Charles?
[7] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[8] This season, murder hits close to home.
[9] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[10] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast into a major movie.
[11] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[12] Who knows what will happen once the cameras start to roll?
[13] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfanakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[14] Only murders in the building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[15] Go -bye.
[16] That's what you do for a living.
[17] Podcast, man. Yay!
[18] Man. Who, what the fuck?
[19] Yeah.
[20] That's so crazy, right?
[21] It's not what I would have expected to hear about myself when I worked at the Gap in 1990.
[22] Ditto, a hot topic in 1998.
[23] 92 ,000.
[24] In L .A. Mm -hmm.
[25] Which one?
[26] At the Santa Monica Mall, which has been torn down.
[27] The one that's near the Third Street Promenade.
[28] Yeah, like the end.
[29] of third street promenade yeah worked at that one worked at that one what year 20 20 i want to say 99 dude i bet you i went there when you worked oh my god that's one of my favorite places it's so ridiculous to be an adult and go into a hot topic is just like i want to go and hold everyone's face and just be like you're gonna get through this i think um i don't think i've been in once since i walked out and quit did you do a walk out hot topic i walked out i walked out But it was because it was for a guy, a boy that I ended up getting my heart broken over.
[30] So it's like which one's worse working at Hot Topic?
[31] Like at least he gave me that.
[32] Wait, he also worked at Hot Topic.
[33] No, no, no, no, no. He was like, we're going to do this thing.
[34] And I'm like, I want to go too.
[35] And then just left.
[36] Oh, fuck, yeah.
[37] You were just like, this job is interfering with my plan.
[38] Yeah.
[39] Of making this guy fall in love with me who turns out had a girlfriend.
[40] I know.
[41] My least favorite move Of men Like what?
[42] Oh sorry I didn't inform you about the full relationship that I had Right Yeah Oh okay Well I hope I made you feel good and young and alive I said thank you I'm sorry we didn't inform you about the fact that this is my favorite murder Oh Here we go Here we go Our new thing is we're just going to start talking Sincerely about personal things So that we don't have our weird fake openings What do we did that?
[43] I think it's a good idea I do too Like if we don't need to say with the podcast is because if you're listening, you probably see the name of it on your phone.
[44] Yeah, you had to go through and find the title.
[45] Right.
[46] Yeah.
[47] So you know where you are, hopefully.
[48] Yeah.
[49] Unless, how many times does this happen to you where, because I touch my phone so much, it's never not in my hand or somewhere near me, that I will touch it and a podcast will start in like a Starbucks or in the grocery store or something.
[50] Like out loud.
[51] Out loud.
[52] And a couple times, it's been my own podcast.
[53] And it is so embarrassing.
[54] the most mortifying thing that could happen to me. Oh, my God.
[55] I'm always thinking about, like, I walk around and sometimes listen to the podcast, and I'm like, what if everyone knew that I was listening?
[56] Like, the other day, I wore my favorite murder shirt, and I was so, like, I had left the house and it couldn't change, and I was just, like, oh, God, because I was going to, like, stores and, like, places.
[57] What if someone is like, oh, I don't want to listen anymore?
[58] You know, she wears her own podcast.
[59] Yeah.
[60] I actually, I did an anonymous tweet about it.
[61] You did not.
[62] Yeah, I was like, I just saw Georgia from my favorite murder wearing her own shirt.
[63] Can you believe this bitch?
[64] Can you believe this?
[65] She must be so full of herself.
[66] She's so stuck up.
[67] Okay.
[68] But to be fair, it was Kat Solon's really fucking cool, stay out of the forest design.
[69] It looks like a camp shirt, but it says really big over it, my favorite murder.
[70] Yeah, I love that shirt so much.
[71] I know, like, what's the point of having that designed if I can't wear it?
[72] Yeah, exactly.
[73] You know?
[74] Also, I, uh, we got a bunch of, uh, shirt returns from the company they were like here you get to have your own shirts because neither of us i don't have any i had one i think i got a toxic masculinity ruins the party again because it was so cool yes and it didn't feel like i wasn't my quote and it didn't feel like my favorite murder shirt specifically or didn't really you couldn't tell immediately it didn't feel like in the 80s when you'd get your own name ironed on to like the sleeve of your baseball shirt joja jaren oh god we should have baseball shirts that have our last names i don't mean for to sell but for ourselves that's a good idea because if you felt stupid in your own podcast shirt well then surely if you went out in a baseball shirt with your name on it you'd feel great especially because it's like both have such specific last names and like smith or oh man i used to have our whole family got killgariff construction shirts because there's a killgariff family on the east coast same family like runs killgariff construction who what the fuck and my some one of my uncles met one of those, the East Coast Kilgarovs, and they gave my uncle a ton of shirts.
[75] That's so cool.
[76] So all of us had these green shirts with the shamrocks that were like, Kilgariff Construction, they'd be like, oh, did your family own that?
[77] And be like, no, that's, it's our East Coast branch of our family.
[78] I want that.
[79] Pretty cool, Ray.
[80] Yes.
[81] But we don't know those people.
[82] We're not actually related to that.
[83] It's just other Kilgariffs that came over.
[84] What are the fucking chances?
[85] I feel like they're slim.
[86] They're related to you.
[87] There is a famous opera singer named Pat Kilgarov who, and that was my mom's name.
[88] Oh, my God.
[89] She, and one time I signed in for an audition, and so obviously signed Karen Kilgariff.
[90] And the man who was going to sign in after me goes, are you Pat Kilgarov's daughter?
[91] And I said, yes, I am.
[92] And he goes, I worked with your mother in New York, and I would just want to tell you that she is an amazing woman.
[93] And I go, are you a nurse?
[94] And he, his face, it was like I pulled a turd out of my pocket and held it under his nose.
[95] He was like, no, and I was like, my mom's a nurse.
[96] And then he was like, ugh, and then walked away.
[97] What?
[98] Fuck him, but what are it?
[99] He turned on a dime on me. I hope he didn't get the role.
[100] The part.
[101] That man. Is today?
[102] Is today?
[103] Sean Hayes.
[104] No. No, it was like a way older guy that clearly was of the theater.
[105] Oh, right, right.
[106] Anyhow.
[107] Oh, welcome my favorite murder.
[108] There, that's how we started.
[109] The minisode edition, which means we talk for 90 minutes of it.
[110] And then we read your stories, your hometown murders that you send us at my favorite murder at gmail .com, obviously .com, and then...
[111] And dash edu.
[112] Right.
[113] So you want to go first?
[114] Sure.
[115] You look ready.
[116] That's just because I'm staring at you.
[117] Yes, there's a couple good ones that Stephen gave me here, but let's see.
[118] We'll start with this one.
[119] Stephen likes you better.
[120] Stephen likes me. Hold on.
[121] Please hold.
[122] Are you going to have a belt?
[123] Or throw up.
[124] You're going to open a new mic if you do that.
[125] We are sitting in front of such high -tech equipment right now because we're in the studio.
[126] Yeah.
[127] Like just, what if you threw up on it?
[128] I'm like thinking about it.
[129] Because then this would smell.
[130] Even if they were like, it's fine.
[131] We replaced the thing.
[132] It would just smell.
[133] Your whole.
[134] Oh.
[135] Guys.
[136] Here we go.
[137] Honestly, Stephen, please cut that up.
[138] Listen, can we get professional for a fucking.
[139] Yeah, go ahead.
[140] Could you, for one.
[141] Second, allow me to get professional.
[142] Okay.
[143] The subject line of this one is my grandma thought the gun was fake during an armed robbery.
[144] Oh, no. Okay.
[145] All right.
[146] Okay.
[147] Hello, Georgia, Karen, Stephen, Mimi, and Elvis.
[148] It's okay.
[149] No, it's fine.
[150] Big fan of the show, obviously.
[151] Last week's mini episode, you were talking about robberies and stuff, and it made me think of this amazing story about my grandma.
[152] First and foremost, my grandma was a badass.
[153] Tough older lady didn't take shit from anyone.
[154] would probably be a murderino if she could figure out podcast.
[155] She definitely would like the purr cast.
[156] Is that too pandering Stephen?
[157] Yes.
[158] But it worked.
[159] I'll take it.
[160] So about 10 to 15 years ago, my grandma comes home from her bowling league.
[161] Yes.
[162] Oh, my heart.
[163] Later at night and pulls into her garage in Manhattan Beach, California.
[164] There is no direct access to the house from the garage.
[165] So after parking in this super dark garage.
[166] So dangerous.
[167] So bad.
[168] and also she's a grandma.
[169] She needs to exit the garage and go into the house on this particular night.
[170] A man was waiting for her.
[171] He demanded her purse and any money that she had on her.
[172] My grandma sizes the guy up, looks at his gun, makes the determination that this guy's gun is fake and decides that the best course of action is to beat him with her purse.
[173] Holy shit.
[174] She hits him a few times with the purse and screams until the man runs away.
[175] She goes inside the house, calls the cops, they come out to take her statement, and she tells the officer the story of how the man had a water gun spray painted to look like a real gun, and that didn't fool me. Oh, my God.
[176] The officer then asked my grandma to describe the gun, and based on her description, he informed her that it was most definitely a real gun.
[177] A P .PK, I attached a picture, but for those listening, think a little James Bond gun.
[178] Obviously, she was pretty shaken by that, but also, as best.
[179] I was thinking like a super -soaker, like painted black, but like a little cute one that looks like a nice.
[180] 1980s gun like water gun like a bright orange cute gun which you're not allowed to have anymore I don't think just a little cartoon clown face on the side okay uh I lost my spot okay uh obviously she's pretty shaken but uh but she's also a badass and it turned into a great story that she told for years and years this is probably my favorite story about my grandma for the longest time until she drove her car off the second story parking lot of her vet's off of her vets off Oh, my God.
[181] But that, my friends, is a different story altogether.
[182] She's old.
[183] Put the car in drive instead of reverse.
[184] Her and the cat were fine.
[185] Take the keys away from her, please.
[186] That is so funny.
[187] I hope you like this story.
[188] Keep up the amazing work.
[189] You guys make my mundane drive to and from work bearable.
[190] People also must think I'm crazy in traffic when I'm just laughing hysterically, Spencer J. Oh, my God.
[191] Never fuck with a grandma in a bowling league.
[192] Yes or no. For 100 % yes Oh my God They've been around the block Dude What are you talking about They will throw that bowling ball Directly into your nuts They've been through world wars They've been through Terrible marriages Yeah They've been through all kinds of oppressions Oh I wanted you to read You read it to us yesterday I mean no where are I The last episode After we wrapped You read this incredible story Of the woman Meeting an old woman on the train Who then told her that story I feel like you need to read that again but let's okay i would have to find it on twitter so maybe we'll try to do it at the end or we can do it at the next episode okay let's do that okay maybe at the end of it okay all right this is called lighthearted and breezy high school chase hi nope high speed chase slightly different but the same energy uh yeah hey team uh my name is jen and i have wanted to share this fucked up story for so long but it's not a murder however it is you're kind of fucked up and lighthearted to read between downer murders.
[193] Sisters, law enforcement, and a high -speed chase.
[194] Okay.
[195] When I was six, my sister, dad, and I were all in the house when we heard a huge bang outside.
[196] It shook the whole house.
[197] My dad is a cop, and he told us to lay down on the ground flat.
[198] Cool.
[199] That's scary.
[200] Yeah.
[201] While he ran out of the house.
[202] How terrifying if your dad was like, that's dangerous.
[203] Bye.
[204] I'm going to run after it.
[205] You guys hold hands.
[206] Oh, my God.
[207] The minutes took by and he didn't return.
[208] It was just me and my sister in the house laying flat on the ground.
[209] Turns out the Torrance PD was in a high -speed chase with two men.
[210] The driver lost control and crashed in the front of our house.
[211] The fence stopped him so he didn't actually hit the house, but the fence and the yard were super fucked up.
[212] One suspect got out and took off running.
[213] Three officers went after him, leaving one female officer to detain the other giant suspect.
[214] What the fuck?
[215] Giant.
[216] Mm -hmm.
[217] Mm -hmm.
[218] My dad ran out with his gun and his badge, as he always.
[219] always does, because my dad was not Torrance PD, but LAPD.
[220] He had to show his badge to prove he was an officer.
[221] Oh, I never thought of that.
[222] Like, what if a guy just runs out of his house with a gun?
[223] Yes.
[224] It could have been, like, the robber's house.
[225] Yeah, exactly.
[226] Like, he almost made it to home base.
[227] Right.
[228] Yeah.
[229] Oh, my goodness.
[230] I don't have any idea how long it was, but eventually a man with a giant beard walked into our back door.
[231] In my little brain, I saw a giant beard and assumed bad guy and was certain he was going to kill us.
[232] Instead, he said, are you okay?
[233] your dad will be right back.
[234] I found out later he was from three doors down and also a cop, man, a lot of torrents cops.
[235] Yeah.
[236] What the fuck with all the cops?
[237] That's exactly what I was thinking.
[238] Eventually, uh, eventually my dad came back in the house.
[239] He helped us, he helped get one suspect cuffed in in the back of a squad car.
[240] Um, and the other three officers were back with the runner suspect and had him also in the back of the squad car.
[241] This is where it gets more ridiculous.
[242] Oh, my goodness.
[243] My dad loves this kind of shit and was slightly warps, has a slightly warped sense of reality being a cop.
[244] He decided it was a good idea for me to walk around the multitude of officers and offer them a nice, cold diet Pepsi.
[245] I am not sure how old I was at the time, definitely less than eight.
[246] I'm walking from officer to officer barefoot and offering them sodas.
[247] My one very distinct memory of this is me standing next to an officer while he was interrogating the suspect.
[248] He's all, what the fuck were you thinking, you fucking piece of shit?
[249] And I'm like, excuse me, would you like a diet person?
[250] Pepsi.
[251] No idea what happened with the rest of the story, but that was some pretty fucked -up shit.
[252] Thank you, thank you, thank you for making my commute bearable.
[253] This is a commute -themed minisode.
[254] Yeah, that's right.
[255] I'm a teacher in East L .A., and I have a long -ass drive every day.
[256] You get me through it.
[257] Maybe I've had students walk into my room during my prep to find me listening to MFN.
[258] SSDGM, Jen.
[259] Yay, that was great.
[260] So it doesn't have to be a murder if you want to send a minute, but it has to be super fucked up and awesome like that.
[261] Would you like a Diet Pepsi?
[262] I bet that guy getting arrested.
[263] is just like, fuck this.
[264] No one's ever offered me a diet Pepsi my whole life.
[265] I would like a Diet Pepsi.
[266] Maybe I wouldn't have got into crime if somebody had just offered me an icy cold Diet Pepsi.
[267] I don't think she even said Diet, but suddenly you and I turned it into Diet Pepsi.
[268] Yeah.
[269] Oh, no, you're right, Diet Pepsi.
[270] It was Diet.
[271] Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.
[272] But it would not, that wouldn't surprise me in the least.
[273] Okay, this one's intense, but worth it.
[274] Okay.
[275] But it's intense.
[276] Is that what they said or you said?
[277] This is, I scanned it, and I know this story.
[278] Okay.
[279] Oh, shit.
[280] Yes.
[281] Are you ready?
[282] Can you deal with it?
[283] Can I?
[284] Okay, hold on.
[285] I lost it.
[286] I meant I can.
[287] You can.
[288] Okay.
[289] No, I can.
[290] This is the famous bathtub boy from North Dakota.
[291] This is a first responder story.
[292] Oh, bathtub boy can't be a positive thing.
[293] It's pretty intense.
[294] Are you ready?
[295] I'm ready.
[296] Okay.
[297] I love your podcast.
[298] I heard you ask for first responder stories, so I'm writing in.
[299] This isn't my story.
[300] It's my dad's.
[301] To be completely honest, this isn't totally a first responder story.
[302] It's more of a second responder story.
[303] Well, then fuck you.
[304] Oh, okay.
[305] We'll let it slide this time.
[306] Yeah.
[307] But please, let's keep it to the first.
[308] Both of my parents are doctors.
[309] My mom is a dermatologist and my dad is an anesthesiologist.
[310] They met in medical school at Harbor UCLA Medical Center in Torrance, California.
[311] Stephen, did you do this on purpose?
[312] Look at Stephen.
[313] Simon's laughing like he played a trick on us.
[314] He's all connected.
[315] He's rubbing his hands together like a...
[316] He suddenly has a bald cat on his lap.
[317] A hairless, not bald.
[318] What are the guy?
[319] just bald just the hair is gone balding it's just male pattern cat baldness okay I harbor UCLA is where they sent me when I didn't have insurance and I had my seizures oh so it's a it was pretty intense state of the art county hospital okay so needless to say they have some insane stories yeah it's a county hospital I was the room that I stayed in I was in the hospital for four days for my extreme alcoholism I was told that the urine the doctor had ever seen the densest urine is that a thing it meant i had not drank water probably in like a full week oh my god i was very ill that's fascinating to me i want to talk more about it okay we'll talk about it at the beginning of next episode the next episode okay good and i'll talk about going to rehab we'll just keep on pushing all yeah those will be it's called intense moments at the top of all minisodes fuck yes okay um my brothers and i grew up being told not to play with or coat hangers since they can get caught anywhere on your face.
[320] Or check the temperature of bathtub water before getting in and not to dive into a pool unless you know how deep it is.
[321] So basically it's the same kind of upbringing I had, which is you have parents who have seen the worst of what can happen to children.
[322] And so they're constantly reminding you not to do things based on what they've seen.
[323] So they are just systematically traumatizing you, a nurse and a firefighter you had.
[324] Yeah.
[325] So they were like, they didn't know yet not to scare the shit out of you constantly.
[326] No, they absolutely were trying to scare the shit out of us constantly so that we wouldn't have the things happen to them that they had witnessed.
[327] Too bad one wasn't a psychologist and was like, let's not also give them anxiety for the rest of their fucking lives.
[328] Too bad one wasn't like a physical therapist.
[329] I was like, hey, Karen, why don't you take a walk every fucking once in a while and get a good, get a good habit built -in?
[330] And drink some water.
[331] How about you drink water on the daily girl?
[332] I'm taking a sip right.
[333] Okay.
[334] D -Du -Du.
[335] I remember my parents regular.
[336] using huge medical terms like they were discussing the weather.
[337] Yes.
[338] This happened on January 11, 1992, which also happened to be my fourth birthday.
[339] Oh, a little baby.
[340] Before we have cake and ice cream, my dad, who was on call, got a page saying he needed to get to North Memorial Hospital in Minneapolis, ASAP.
[341] In Minneapolis.
[342] The hospital had a life flight coming from North Dakota.
[343] He went to the hospital, waited for the plane to land, and while he was waiting, started talking to the surgeons, and learned what was coming in.
[344] So something was coming in from North Dakota.
[345] An 18 -year -old boy named John Thompson from Herdsfield, a small farming town in North Dakota, was doing chores on his family's farm alone.
[346] John had started the power takeoff to power the farm's tractor.
[347] A power takeoff is basically a spinning device.
[348] John slipped on some ice, felt a pull on the front of his t -shirt, and seconds later, the power intake ripped both his arms off.
[349] Oh, my God.
[350] John fainted due to shock.
[351] He woke up without arms, The 400 feet uphill, oh, I just got chills, uphill to the farmhouse and then crawled in the bathtub so that he wouldn't get blood on his mom's brand new carpet.
[352] That makes me cry.
[353] With no arms this whole time.
[354] He dialed 911.
[355] How?
[356] With a pen in his mouth.
[357] John was taken to the local hospital by ambulance and assessed the local hospital did not have the facilities to handle that kind of trauma.
[358] He was flown via air ambulance two hours to Minneapolis.
[359] I can't believe he's still alive.
[360] And the hospital where the medical team, including my dad, was waiting.
[361] Oh, oh, so the dad was in Minneapolis.
[362] They didn't fly him to Torrance.
[363] Okay, I get it, get it.
[364] Got it.
[365] Where my dad and the medical team was waiting with a full operating room ready to go.
[366] Thankfully, the police and EMTs were able to find his arms, put them on ice, and the surgeons were able to reattach them successfully.
[367] It was the first successful double arm reattachment ever.
[368] Oh, my God, I have chills.
[369] And it's also freezing in here, but I have chills.
[370] Yeah, I do too.
[371] It took eight hours and lots of.
[372] of O Negative Blood, the story gained national and international attention.
[373] My dad was there for the entire surgery, and actually, his watch and hand made the cover of either people or news wake.
[374] Unfortunately, I don't think my dad got any cake or ice cream that day.
[375] Wow.
[376] About 15 years later, my dad ran into John at the airport in Arizona.
[377] John not only remembered my dad, but he was also extremely thankful for everything my dad did.
[378] Why am I crying?
[379] Because it's the sweetest thing ever.
[380] It's so good.
[381] they shook hands and went on their way.
[382] They shook hands.
[383] They shook hands because he's fine because he was fine.
[384] Oh my God.
[385] Very few people either have the time or take the time to thank the doctor's, nurses, EMTs, and other health care workers that help save their lives.
[386] I remember my dad calling home and telling my mom what happened.
[387] He was almost in tears that he received a thank you from John since, like the wire hanger incident, John is the one he carries with him to this day.
[388] Life is tough, and sometimes you just need to chuckle, so thank you for all of the laughs, Lizzie.
[389] Okay, that guy and that story isn't, there's an I survived of him.
[390] Shut up.
[391] And that's how, when I looked down and knew it, I'm almost positive.
[392] It's the same kid.
[393] Yeah, I can't imagine.
[394] Yeah, because he lived and both of his arms were reattached.
[395] I survived.
[396] He fucking straight up.
[397] He ran up 400 yards up a hill and got to the house.
[398] I can't believe he was alive by them because if you run, the blood pumps out of your body faster.
[399] Yeah, but then he got there faster and he may, also because it was so cold.
[400] Oh.
[401] Maybe that's part of it.
[402] Good call.
[403] Maybe that's why his arms were able to be reattached.
[404] Yeah, they just, it was like they got kept on ice for him because there was already ice on the ground.
[405] Dude.
[406] Which is what he slipped on.
[407] I'm just taking that from what was written.
[408] That's some heavy fucking shit.
[409] Thank you.
[410] Lizzie.
[411] Lizzie, thank you.
[412] That was really quite something.
[413] All right.
[414] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.
[415] Absolutely.
[416] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.
[417] Exactly.
[418] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.
[419] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?
[420] That's right.
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[422] Give your point of sales system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[423] From accepting payments to managing inventory, they have everything you need to sell in -prone.
[424] person.
[425] So give your point of sale system a serious upgrade with Shopify.
[426] Their sleek, reliable POS hardware takes every major payment method and looks fabulous at the same time.
[427] With Shopify, we have a powerful partner for managing our sales.
[428] And if you're a business owner, you can too.
[429] Connect with customers in line and online.
[430] Do retail right with Shopify.
[431] Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify .com slash murder.
[432] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.
[433] Go to Shopify .com slash murder to take your retail business to the next level today.
[434] That's Shopify .com slash murder.
[435] Goodbye.
[436] Hey, this is exciting.
[437] An all new season of only murders in the building is coming to Hulu on August 27th.
[438] Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez are back as your favorite podcaster, detectives.
[439] But there's a mystery hanging over everyone.
[440] Who killed Saz?
[441] And were they really after Charles?
[442] Why would someone want to kill Charles?
[443] This season, murder hits close to home.
[444] With a threat against one of their own, the stakes are higher than ever.
[445] Plus, the gang is going to Hollywood to turn their podcast.
[446] into a major movie.
[447] Amid the glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, more mysteries and twists arise.
[448] Who knows what'll happen once the cameras start to roll?
[449] Get ready for the stariest season yet with Merrill Streep, Zach Alfenakis, Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Melissa McCarthy, DeVey, DeVine, Joy Randolph, Molly Shannon, and more.
[450] Only Martyrs in the Building, premieres August 27th, streaming only on Hulu.
[451] Bye.
[452] Goodbye.
[453] All right, Karen.
[454] Yes.
[455] EMT Story 80s FBI plane crash.
[456] Great.
[457] Hi, Karen, Georgia and Steven.
[458] I'm a huge fan of the podcast and it's currently getting me through the day at my awful desk job.
[459] Been there.
[460] I'm not sure if you're still looking for EMT first responder stories.
[461] Oh, we are.
[462] But I think my day...
[463] The cutoff was April 23rd.
[464] No, we're done with those.
[465] But I think my dad might have one of the coolest, one of the coolest disclaimer.
[466] What this story lacks in murder, it makes up for an unsolved mystery.
[467] Thank you.
[468] In the early 1980s, my dad was working as a paramedic and sensitive.
[469] and he was called to the scene of a small passenger plane that had crashed into a bookstore.
[470] The plane was carrying four FBI agents, a private detective, and an embezzler from Chicago named Carl Johnson.
[471] What?
[472] Johnson embezzled $615 ,000 from a Chicago bank and hid the cash in a number of locations.
[473] After gears on the run, Johnson turned himself into the FBI and told them that he would lead them to the location of about $50 ,000, which he claimed to have buried in Cincinnati, I think, in a park.
[474] Johnson did not disclose the location of the money beforehand because his attorney and the FBI agents did not want to come under suspicion in the event that the money was not there.
[475] Oh, that makes sense.
[476] Oh, yeah, yeah.
[477] Anyway, for a reason that they never discovered, the plane crashed into a bookstore killing everyone on board.
[478] Oh, no. When my dad responded to the scene, he went to the bookstore and found the partially burned bodies among the wreckage.
[479] Dad said they were able to tell which one was the embezzler because he was still wearing his handcuffs.
[480] I asked my dad How he handled seeing all of that And he told me that the sight was not so bad But the smell stuck with him Morbid details A few years later His mother was cooking turkey for Thanksgiving And he said the smell reminded him so strongly Of the crash that he immediately threw up Oh no Turkey No Don't eat turkey So anyway that's my dad's story As always stay sexy and don't get murdered Sarah Wow Wow That was intense That was crazy Yeah I mean, I love Thanksgiving.
[481] I know.
[482] Turkey's good.
[483] Is that what a...
[484] We're fine.
[485] We didn't have that experience.
[486] Yeah.
[487] It just smells like turkey to us.
[488] It was probably actually the yams.
[489] She was probably cooking a body.
[490] His mom was a murder.
[491] His mom was fucking nuts.
[492] She was like, oh, it's just turkey.
[493] It's turkey, honey.
[494] It's dark meat.
[495] Eat up, but we never saw a turkey carcass.
[496] It was so weird.
[497] Oh.
[498] Okay.
[499] Can I do one words fast?
[500] Yes.
[501] There's never going to be a no. Okay.
[502] because it made me laugh.
[503] The subject line is ER nurse's sushi woes story.
[504] Oh dear.
[505] Karen and Georgia A first responder story, exclamation point.
[506] It was told to me by a friend who was an ER nurse in Seattle.
[507] He was one of the folks who was in the ER the night this patient came in.
[508] It was nuts, as you will behold.
[509] A kid and some of his dude friends went to a sushi restaurant for his 21er, 21st birthday.
[510] And of course, the kid got blitzed out of his mind.
[511] I'm not sure if it was a dare or the bravado of being 21 and hammered, but the kid reached into the restaurant's live fish tank and managed to grab a fish and swallowed it whole.
[512] Oh my God, what a dick.
[513] But turns out it was a small puffer fish.
[514] No. Naturally, this terrified puffer fish puffed out its spikes while in the kids throat.
[515] Oh my God.
[516] I can't remember how they treated him or whether there were any pufferfish toxin problem.
[517] Trichonomy immediately.
[518] Because I was reeling over a puffer fish puffing out its spikes while in the kid's throat.
[519] But I do remember that he was in the hospital for some time and had several puncture wounds in his esophagus.
[520] Presumably, R -I -P to the fish.
[521] That's all you two are National Treasures, S -S -D -G -M -P -R in Portland.
[522] Wow.
[523] Teenage boys, man, they're the stupidest people on Earth.
[524] I mean, my 21st birthday, I remember walking out of the bar that I was in with all my friends and going, it's so weird, I'm not that drunk, and then immediately falling flat on the sidewalk and in a complete blackout.
[525] Oh my God.
[526] Mine, I went to a club, like this like a soul club.
[527] I used to go with my friends to dance.
[528] And my friend Annie and I, she's my best friend Annie Hardy.
[529] What's up?
[530] I love her.
[531] She was like, well, let's get drunk in the car first because we didn't have any fucking money for drinks because we were both so poor.
[532] And I was, she wasn't 21 and I had to go up and buy her drinks all the time.
[533] That's illegal.
[534] So we would drink the, we got a fucking 40 of Zima just to be like, oh my God, remember Zima?
[535] Zima.
[536] And we proceeded to get shit -faced in my car.
[537] I threw up into the alley.
[538] No, I threw up out.
[539] I opened the door to the car and threw up into the gutter.
[540] And then my sweet friend Summer came and drove us home.
[541] Did you ever get to the club?
[542] No. We just sat in the car and talked and listened to music and it was like so much fun.
[543] So much more fun than going to the club would have been.
[544] And my friend Summer finally met up and she's like, what the fuck is wrong with you guys?
[545] That's amazing.
[546] I drove us home and I woke up for my first hangover.
[547] All right.
[548] I bet it was a nice one.
[549] I will say this to anyone who drinks in a car or passes out in a car.
[550] Take your keys out of the ignition.
[551] If you leave the keys in the ignition, it is a DUI, even if you're not moving.
[552] If you pull over and park and fall asleep, whatever you're doing, pull those fucking keys out of the ignition.
[553] Do you also have to get out of the passenger, I mean, the driver's seat?
[554] I've heard that too, but who know.
[555] I mean, you know what?
[556] You're not going to remember.
[557] Just grab your keys and throw them in the backseat.
[558] Just don't leave your keys in the ignition, like listening to the radio or whatever.
[559] Because if a cop pulls up, that is your technically.
[560] It's intent to drive.
[561] Yeah.
[562] Also, don't drink and drive just overall.
[563] Yeah.
[564] I mean, I don't want to give people tricks on how to drink and drive correctly.
[565] I'm just saying, like, prevent.
[566] Because I know people who have fallen asleep, pulled over have fallen asleep because they had like three beers and they're like, I shouldn't be driving.
[567] But they left their keys in ignition.
[568] You know what I hate is when people tweet like, hey, guys, there's a deal.
[569] I checkpoint on this street tonight, so avoid it.
[570] And it's like, no, tell them not to drink and drive.
[571] Yeah, that's right.
[572] Well, thanks for listening to hometowns.
[573] Send your hometowns.
[574] We fucking love them.
[575] If you think you can do better than that, do better than that.
[576] Those were great.
[577] Thank you so much for sending them.
[578] And as always, please stay sexy.
[579] And don't get murdered or drive drunk.
[580] Bye.
[581] Don't get murdered or murder.
[582] Was that Stephen?
[583] recording was that you were recording that was me that sounded real that sounded really real