#202 - Dom Irrera

[0] We got to, we got to have Nick Diaz.

[1] To Joe Rogan, Experience.

[2] Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night.

[3] Stop, stop, stop, stop.

[4] Yeah, I don't think you should do that anymore.

[5] I don't think that's entertaining.

[6] I don't like that, okay?

[7] I don't like that.

[8] I want to hear Nick Diaz's voice.

[9] Nick Diaz, a fighter, a UFC guy.

[10] What was the coolest thing ever?

[11] He won a fight, and then after the fight, he goes, Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night Oh, that's cool.

[12] Oh, it's the greatest moment of my life.

[13] Progan, experience.

[14] Train by day, Joe Rogan, podcast by night.

[15] All day.

[16] So, this guy likes fucking around with the speeds and things.

[17] He's got some technological ADD going on.

[18] Dom Arirah, welcome to the show, my friends.

[19] Shows of Rogan, thank you, love.

[20] So happy to have you here.

[21] Doma Arara, just to all you folks out in the cyber world is a guy that I actually paid to see before I got in a comedy.

[22] I was a huge fan, and I just loved stand -up comedy.

[23] I loved watching evening at the improv, and I took a date to Nick's Comedy Stop in Boston to watch Dom Aura.

[24] I think maybe I had done an open mic, like maybe once, maybe.

[25] I might not have even.

[26] It might have even been before, but I remember I watched it up there.

[27] And one of the things, you, you, first of all, you were, you fucking killed.

[28] And you were one of the few guys that could survive that crazy Boston gauntlet that they used to throw it all the national headlines.

[29] But they liked me. They loved you.

[30] Everybody loved you.

[31] But it was a tricky situation that Boston gauntlet they used to put people through.

[32] They would take a guy like, yeah, Billy Crystal, you know, would come into town, right?

[33] And they would make Billy Crystal, they would purposely put up the best local guys.

[34] Steve Sweeney, Don Gavin, Kevin Knox, Kenny Rodgerson, Dennis Larry.

[35] Everybody would go up with 15 minutes of fucking fury, too.

[36] Everybody did short sets.

[37] They were supposed to do 50 at the end.

[38] Yeah, and then, you know, at the end, but first of all, they've made everyone laugh with every local reference humanly possible.

[39] And if there's anything people love in Boston, it's a Boston joke.

[40] It's a problem.

[41] I had like my first 20 minutes all revolved around Boston because when you're fucking sinking out there and you're looking for something.

[42] You know that you can make fun of a girl from Revere, because she has big hair.

[43] That's right there.

[44] It's in my wheelhouse.

[45] I could pull that out.

[46] You could always go with, like, local references.

[47] The Irish girls and all that.

[48] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[49] There's always something like, well, and then you're in Matapan after dark.

[50] Speak Spanish.

[51] Yeah.

[52] You could do, like, local jokes.

[53] You survived.

[54] You survived.

[55] You're one of the few guys.

[56] I saw a lot of guys eat a fat bag of dicks.

[57] I heard Richard Lewis hit on the stage afterwards.

[58] Oh, I heard.

[59] he I've heard that a few times with that guy he's apparently if he doesn't get like his crowd like he has a very specific crowd that like comes up to see him and sometimes you know people maybe don't know what he's going to do before he does it if they do they love it you know they love that character but if they don't I think from what I've heard it can go bad I can imagine remember Knicks was the place where you saw me yes and that was really a tough club and especially the third show on Friday night so I asked Jonathan Cats do the show with me. You know how Jonathan is very nebushy and kind of a little Jewish comedian.

[60] He was the host of my first open like.

[61] Was he?

[62] Yeah.

[63] He was nice to you, right?

[64] Greg.

[65] And he, I said, John, do the show with me. He goes, I can't.

[66] I can't go on there.

[67] I said, come on.

[68] I'll protect you.

[69] You know, I'll watch your back.

[70] So he goes up, they actually started heckling the back of his bald head.

[71] Before he got to the stage, they're fucking booing him.

[72] Right?

[73] For nothing.

[74] He didn't say anything.

[75] And he goes up and he goes, precisely.

[76] And he just walks up the stage.

[77] That was, But they booed him before he talked.

[78] I love that.

[79] Boston was an interesting mix of college -educated people and savages.

[80] Yeah.

[81] It is one of the, I think it's the highest amount of colleges per capita in the country.

[82] And I couldn't get in any of them.

[83] I used to see street fights there when you didn't see them anymore.

[84] You see guys, they didn't go home and work.

[85] They had a tie, white shirt hanging out, battling each other.

[86] There's still fights in Boston.

[87] Boston dudes will still fight.

[88] It's one of the few places where you're probably not going to get shot.

[89] No. Dudes would actually want to duke it out with you.

[90] Like it's stomped, but not shot.

[91] Well, you could get shot, though.

[92] Everyone has baseball bats, but no one plays baseball.

[93] You run into the wrong kids from South that you could get shot.

[94] Anybody can get shot there, too.

[95] But you do definitely see more fistfights there.

[96] Yeah, I always think of you as a New York act.

[97] Well, I was born in Jersey.

[98] But, I mean, I got better in New York.

[99] When I was in Ball...

[100] I developed in Boston, but I was only there for four years doing stand -up.

[101] You know, I moved to New York only four years into my act.

[102] And I got a manager, so that my manager, who's still my manager, to this day, it was selling me as a headliner.

[103] But I wasn't really a headliner yet.

[104] You didn't have the minutes.

[105] You probably had the talent, but I had a good solid 15, you know, drag out to 40 if the crowd was right.

[106] Remember the first time this guy, Hiram cast, and got me. a gig for $75 when I had to do 45 minutes I said I only have 25 he goes like you know like Jesus with the fishes he goes go out there do it it will come it will come unto thee and it I don't know if it came or I just did audio crowd work because I didn't have the time yeah those were silly days I couldn't believe people could do 20 minutes when I had five minutes I got how do fuck did I remember 20 minutes in a row What's the longest flat -out set of just stand -up you've ever done i'm not real good at real long so i probably an hour and a half that's about all you should do right i think i love a 45 minutes set yeah a crusher right just get off wanting you know them one and more instead of yeah i've done long i've done too long i used to do these q and a's at the end of my shows yeah but that's different it goes into something and nah man it was getting too long i used to do that people were falling asleep near they were bored they get bored girlfriends are like yeah you know it's you can only talk no but I don't care who and maybe it was Charlie Murphy that said this it might have been oh no it's Joey Diaz I've never heard Charlie Murphy quoted before oh he said I quote him all the time yeah Charlie Merrifrey he's a deep dude is he really I don't know he's a deep dude he says some pretty interesting shit he's a great fucking storyteller too he's a good guy all around yeah Charlie you would like Charlie Murphy Dom you would I'm sure I would yeah it's always weird for those guys who's brothers, like Tony Rock.

[107] Yeah.

[108] His Chris Rock's brother.

[109] Tony Rock is fucking good.

[110] He's great.

[111] Yeah, yeah.

[112] He's fucking funny, man. I hadn't seen him in years, and I saw him at the improv, and I had to go up to him.

[113] Afterwards, I got, dude, I haven't seen you in, like, a long time.

[114] Like, I go, God damn, you got good, man. Yeah, he's got that glint in his eye that makes you laugh.

[115] Yeah.

[116] Just something goofy and funny.

[117] He was smart about.

[118] Really friendly on stage, too, like fun on stage.

[119] Like, you want to hang out with him.

[120] Like, you want to have fun with him.

[121] You know, well, you get to see a guy.

[122] is enjoying himself up there.

[123] It really makes you, you know, see when a guy's not anymore.

[124] It's one of the saddest things about our business when you see a guy who's just, he doesn't even realize what he's got.

[125] I know.

[126] He's got the greatest job of all time.

[127] I know.

[128] You know, the other night, I was late for work, and I worked 15 minutes, and it was at 10 o 'clock at night.

[129] I was taking a nap.

[130] I was fucking late for work.

[131] How sad is that?

[132] And you know, and I'm such a half a fag that I was in the bathtub.

[133] I'm so lazy.

[134] I was shaving.

[135] I took a bath so I didn't have to stand and shave.

[136] Oh, my God.

[137] But, you know, like, they almost get, like, they're calling me on the, on the cell phone thinking I wasn't showing.

[138] Yeah.

[139] And you're right around the corner, too.

[140] Yeah, I'm a half a mile away.

[141] And you're still late.

[142] Oh, that's a real comic.

[143] There's something about comedians.

[144] It's stripper time.

[145] But I love it, you know, it's like people, you know how people try and make it miserable, but it's got to be tough, huh?

[146] I go, well, it ain't tough compared to, like, working a coma.

[147] But, you know, the best suck going on the road.

[148] I'd hate to be on the road all the time.

[149] I'd go, well, nobody's asking you.

[150] Nobody's asking you.

[151] You know, I hate to fly to Australia.

[152] Nobody wants you in Australia.

[153] What are you going to do when you get there?

[154] You know what I mean?

[155] You're non -act?

[156] It's like people, you know, you ever get people to try and make your life miserable because they're trying to, like, maybe make themselves feel better about themselves?

[157] Yeah.

[158] There's definitely people that will try to justify, you know, why they're happy than you and find the holes in your game.

[159] But as a professional comedian, As long as you stay funny, and the only way to stay funny is just keep doing what you're doing.

[160] Don't never become a crazy person.

[161] Keep reading shit.

[162] Keep writing shit.

[163] Keep watching things.

[164] Keep coming up with new jokes.

[165] You're always going to keep doing it.

[166] Yeah.

[167] I mean, I see guys like my age that are so bitter.

[168] I'm thinking, why are you bitter?

[169] You fucking got away with life being a comedian.

[170] I know.

[171] It's like, I love it.

[172] I want to get better.

[173] Well, you're a real comic, though, Don.

[174] You've always been a real comic.

[175] Like, as long as I've known you, You know, like I said, I paid to see you before I ever even did it, really.

[176] You've always been just, like, that's what you are.

[177] You're not like a guy who's trying to get a series, and if you got that series in you to band stand up or a guy who wanted to be able, you're always just Dom Iverer, professional comedian from television.

[178] You know, you even introduce yourself like that.

[179] Tomorrhea from television, how are you doing?

[180] Well, you know, like, I was on Suzanne Summer's show when I came out here, and I really liked her.

[181] The show was really bad.

[182] It's called She's the Show.

[183] sheriff she's the sheriff oh no yeah beautiful blonde with big tits and she's a sheriff how'd she get that gig and uh at the end of the night they'd always want to go out i go i got to go to the comedy store and i go well why you already have a job i go nothing that's my job even this is my side job you know what i mean being in being in the sitcom was my side job my real job is being a stand -up like and that's the way i take it like even any times i got series or anything else and i love acting i love working with people But I love standout's my favorite It's the most fun thing ever We used to talk about it after When I was doing news radio You know I'd come back to the store And you'd be like Yeah there's nothing It doesn't matter what you're doing You still want to go up there and kill I remember we talked about it And saying like I remember because you were getting You know these series I always practice stand -up Oh yeah I tell Daniel Tosh that Because he's on top with the Comedy Central thing But he practiced a stand -up still Yeah yeah And what happens when we get fired from a series We still got our job Right How cool is that Yeah, the last thing you want to do, I don't like being dependent on anything.

[184] That's why I like doing...

[185] Oh, it's so nice not having a boss, yeah?

[186] Yeah.

[187] Well, the best boss I've ever had, for sure, is the UFC.

[188] Because there couldn't be better people to work for.

[189] I mean, my, I've never had a single...

[190] I never seen you so happy.

[191] I love it.

[192] I've been, you're so good at that.

[193] You're so fucking sharp and, like, you make it, like I was telling you, you break it down.

[194] You know, you make me understand the fighting more.

[195] Well, I try to explain it as if, like, your smart friend is over that hasn't seen fighting before.

[196] Exactly.

[197] And I want to make it exciting for him.

[198] I want, and I'm talking you through how I'm looking at it.

[199] I'm looking at his paths.

[200] I'm like, this guy's got this path.

[201] He's got to secure that arm.

[202] He's got to get his hand connected.

[203] And when you bring people in like that, what you're in is my mind.

[204] I mean, that's what's going on in my head when I'm watching the fight.

[205] I'm like, watch them out, knee to the stomach, need of the stomach.

[206] Oh, he's got full mouth.

[207] Oh, you know, I see it coming.

[208] You know, I see like these paths.

[209] Yeah, yeah.

[210] And I want to just guide people through the path.

[211] It's the most non -job job I've ever had.

[212] Oh, I can see it.

[213] You look like you're just floating through it.

[214] I love it.

[215] The thing I realized about myself was that I love violence.

[216] But it has to be real.

[217] Like, I don't like violent movies.

[218] Like to see Joey Pesci, a 60 -year -old guy, beating up some 20 -year -old kids.

[219] Yeah, what the fuck?

[220] You know, fucking bullshit.

[221] When I was there that, now, when you invited me to the pond, when I see these guys really getting fucking whacked.

[222] And, you know, you know when it really hits the reality is when you're sitting, like I told you, I was sitting behind the guy's mother and girlfriend when he got knocked out.

[223] And the mother's like, Jimmy!

[224] You know, like, real.

[225] I love the pounding they take.

[226] Yeah, I thought that kid, remember the kid that Tasmanian devil just ran up the thing and did like flips over?

[227] Do you remember I'm talking about it?

[228] It was kind of, maybe he was like maybe Malato or maybe from an island or something.

[229] He's kind of a light -skinned black kid.

[230] And he was phenomenal.

[231] Oh, I know.

[232] He was leaping in the air like eight feet.

[233] Oh, my God.

[234] You know what I'm talking about, Joe?

[235] I do.

[236] I can't believe, but I don't have his name on the top of my.

[237] Oh, but he was, it was like they sped the camera up when you were watching him.

[238] He was, you know, he was the one that knocked the guy out.

[239] Yeah, I have to, uh, I have to find out what his name is right now because, uh, he's fucking brilliant and he's an up -and -coming kid.

[240] So just give me a second.

[241] Well, while we're waiting, let's talk more about supplements.

[242] Hey, Dom, what was it like meeting Johnny Carson?

[243] Do you have any stories of anything cool that, that, that happened that maybe you?

[244] The thing about it is, and that was like a nice.

[245] 1986.

[246] So that's when the Tonight Show was still really big, and it was not fun.

[247] It was an experience.

[248] It was like an imprimatur of comedy.

[249] It was an experience.

[250] John.

[251] John.

[252] Shit.

[253] Sorry, keep calling.

[254] Johnny shit.

[255] But Carson, I, I looked in the hills in Burbank, and I wanted to run away.

[256] I wanted to run away and start a new life, like, in the hills.

[257] Because I was so fucking afraid of going on on that stage.

[258] Because Jim McCulley, the guy who booked that comes and talks to you, and then they Pull it back, and there it is.

[259] John Dodson, sorry.

[260] You know.

[261] What was his name?

[262] John Dodson.

[263] That was the kid?

[264] Yeah, he's amazing.

[265] Oh, my God.

[266] Super athlete.

[267] What an athlete.

[268] He moves like a cartoon.

[269] Yeah.

[270] Flies through the air.

[271] Yeah, it's just super talented.

[272] When he was doing that flip, he was like running up the walls.

[273] Yeah, he's incredible.

[274] Yeah, he's incredible.

[275] He's, uh, yeah, he does like cartoonish shit.

[276] It's like, so, like, so gifted, you know?

[277] Yeah.

[278] He's just got like an acrobatic ability.

[279] Go back to another story, whatever you're saying.

[280] You were terrified.

[281] So you're terrified to go on this stage.

[282] Oh, no, he's asking about the Tonight Show.

[283] The curtain go back, and it's unreal that you hear Johnny Carson laughing and Ed McMahon.

[284] And see, I had done a joke about Ed McMahon.

[285] And when I saw him backstage, he pulled me towards him.

[286] I think, oh, fucking Ed's going to slide me right before I go on.

[287] And actually, I didn't know that he loved a joke.

[288] But you remember the joke?

[289] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[290] It was like...

[291] You call them Alpo Slaying.

[292] What do I call?

[293] I said, I met Ed McMahon.

[294] man, he's, you know, he's been in show business for 35 years.

[295] What do I go up to him and say, hi, Ed, I call him Mr. Ed, Mr. E, Mr. E., Mr. Eddie, McMahon, Mr. You big, fat, lucky talentless hump, kissing Johnny's ass for the last 30 years.

[296] You Budweiser sucking, Alple's slinging nothing.

[297] What do you do?

[298] I don't mean that in the Bayway.

[299] That was a joke, right?

[300] You know, not a nice joke, but hopefully, you know, he took it in the spirit that he was a big success, and I was a new comic, and that's the way he took it, you know.

[301] That's awesome.

[302] I watch Johnny Carson every single day.

[303] I never missed it.

[304] And I was a kid, and that was, there was no VCRs when I was a kid, but I would sit there and watch it every day.

[305] I think I remembered you from that.

[306] When I first moved to, or L .A., I met you at the comedy store, and I was like, from Johnny Carson.

[307] Oh, I for sure.

[308] I for sure saw young Carson.

[309] I saw a bunch of guys on Carson that wouldn't be in great comedians.

[310] I saw Jenny on Carson for the first time.

[311] He was a great comedian.

[312] Did Ed smell like Jack Daniels?

[313] Isn't he one of the most underrated guys, don't you think?

[314] if you go back probably the people wouldn't know but they'd know they'd go yeah that guy but yeah as far as like uh do you remember how good how strong his act was in like the late 80s the late 80s like 80s like in the early 90s he would go he went to uh east side comedy club and they said he did uh he did three different shows in a row three complete different hours completely different from beginning to end yeah he was mad at me for like 10 15 years because when he started out he only had 25 minutes like a lot of us and I had to cover for him and me and this guy Mitch Walters we were in Florida and at this place called the comic strip and he would we used to I say we'd squirrel his money in the daytime we would buy all the food for the place then he'd buy chicks at night and so we started calling him squirrel and you know it was just like normal ballbust and like very mild hazing but he took it real seriously and he was hurt and he was mad for years I go but Rich we were just kidding but you know he was The kind of, I mean, I didn't know that he was, it was so psychotic that he was in that kind of pain that he would shoot himself.

[315] But, you know, I did see symptoms of incredible insecurity, an incredible holding on to things, you know.

[316] Right.

[317] But I mean, isn't it?

[318] That's so common with, like, really good comics, isn't it?

[319] There's so many good comics that are just so fucking nutty.

[320] All of us are.

[321] I mean, I straddle reality a lot.

[322] I do.

[323] I mean.

[324] I mean, if it wasn't for alcohol and Xanax, I mean, I wouldn't go out of the house half the time.

[325] Really?

[326] Yeah, yeah, definitely.

[327] I have agoraphobic feelings.

[328] I don't want to get, turn into the Oprah thing, but...

[329] When did that start happening?

[330] Well, since I was a kid, since I was abandoned in the Yellowstone National Park.

[331] I was abandoned in the Grand Canyon, so I have a fear of wits.

[332] I don't know.

[333] I mean, I don't want to get too heavy, but yeah, I've always had...

[334] You don't have any neurotic thing?

[335] You weren't really abandoned.

[336] No, no. That's just a joke.

[337] It's not even a joke, because a joke would be funny.

[338] That was kind of funny.

[339] It was just shocking if it was true.

[340] If you were on stage, I would start laughing because I would go clearly.

[341] You were being sensitive.

[342] I thought you were like underneath the tree, and I was thinking about little squirrels coming up and kissing you and stuff.

[343] Yeah, yeah, try to wake me up.

[344] I read this story recently about this guy who got killed by a bear real recently, and they had a tracked down the bear that did it.

[345] It's happened twice?

[346] In the last year, in Yellowstone, and it hadn't happened before since, like, the 1980s.

[347] It's pretty uncommon.

[348] But this one, unfortunately, wasn't just a kill.

[349] They had eaten part of this dude.

[350] So then you've got to kill that bear.

[351] Yeah.

[352] That's a bear that's discovered that human beings are a food source.

[353] And delicious, by the way.

[354] Yeah, and easy to do it.

[355] I remember eating Sophie out once.

[356] Come on.

[357] Is this thing odd?

[358] Hello.

[359] Where did I lose your podcast fans?

[360] I licked Bert Chrysher's nuts once.

[361] So it's the same thing.

[362] That don't make you gay, does it?

[363] No. What the fuck are you talking about?

[364] I'm just kidding.

[365] Bear.

[366] He's a bear.

[367] Never mind.

[368] So they had to track this bear down and kill it.

[369] And it's a...

[370] They're all tagged anyway, aren't they?

[371] I don't think so.

[372] No. No, there's...

[373] I think a lot of them are, but I don't think they've got them all.

[374] I don't know how they deal with that, you know?

[375] It's kind of a weird thing.

[376] This is this one wild area that people venture into, but there's these huge dog things that will occasionally fucking eat you.

[377] Especially if they catch you with their cubs.

[378] When they're with their cubs, they get crazy.

[379] What were you telling me before about the guy that beat up and killed all those wolves?

[380] It's a crazy story.

[381] Talk about one significant night in your life.

[382] Yeah.

[383] You know, somebody says, I got a story.

[384] You got a story.

[385] I'll tell you this.

[386] Yeah, I wanted to say the exact right number.

[387] But I think it was something on like 11 dead wolves.

[388] And he had shot a bunch of them.

[389] And then he had apparently run out of bullets.

[390] or his gun jammed, and then he beat a bunch of them to death with his butt.

[391] So they found him and, like, 11 dead wolves.

[392] And then eventually the wolves got him.

[393] The rest of the pack killed him.

[394] Oh, they did get him.

[395] Oh, yeah, he's dead.

[396] Yeah, he was, I believe I said Alaska, but it might have been wrong.

[397] It might have been Canada.

[398] How many wolves were in that pack?

[399] I don't know, man. They could be like 100.

[400] I didn't know that.

[401] I thought they were like 5 or 6.

[402] Sometimes they're like 30 and 50, but they've been super packs cited recently in Russia.

[403] that they're really getting scared of that they're in the hundreds and what's nutty about that is they're all starving to death yeah there's no fucking food out there so they're sneaking into these uh industrial area or farming areas and just fucking up their cattle just going in there i mean you're talking about a hundred wolves just coming in in a mass swoop could you imagine if you're living you're you're some poor fuck that's a uh you're a sheep farmer in siberia or wherever the fuck you are and you're just taking care of these sheep and it's freezing cold out and you hear them you hear that stupid shit every day and then one day you look out the window and there's 400 fucking wolves 400 of them could you imagine 400 fucking wolves that feeling of being trapped in your house with 400 wolves out there and they just start jacking the shit they just start jacking just tear them apart right in front of you just showing their teeth oh my God I told you I made a confession to Joe this week that I didn't really, you know, I finally told him why I didn't come over his house because I was afraid of his pit bulls.

[404] And, you know, I know that they, all I pictured was the bull flying through the air and latch it onto my juggler and Joe's screaming, he never did this before.

[405] He's really a sweet dog.

[406] They were great with people.

[407] Pit bulls are great with people.

[408] I remember, I remember that people you have to worry about it.

[409] When he slid under the fence and was biting that other dog, you were telling me. Yeah, yeah, he, I had to have my fence welded.

[410] I have a bar welded around the perimeter of the fence because he figured out that he could get his head in and bend the bars just by sheer force yeah he had it is i don't want any animals that because i would never want like they're so crazy with the kids that you have imagine your little girl they look they inadvertently poking it in the eye and the dog you know what i mean i agree with kids it's very dangerous especially if they don't grow up with the kids if they're not a baby with the kids then they get jealous well it's that they get jealous and also they don't they don't think of it necessarily as a human being it's small it's a different thing and they might bite it you know and that that that is possible if it annoys them they might bite it in a way that they would never bite a person but they might bite a cat you know what i mean yeah they're they're dangerous any dog is dangerous if it's not trained properly and especially dogs with a high prey drive except but they're so fun to be around they're so friendly and loyal and energetic and they're so happy to see you and they're so smart they're such smart dogs but unfortunately all that intelligence comes with a burden and the burden is the way they they're ultra dogs and the way they became ultra dogs is they raised them fighting each other and they killed all the ones that weren't superior they really just kept the strong bloodlines you know so if you get a dog that's like a real fighting dog those are some of the smartest dogs you'll ever have Brian Callan used to have this pit bull and it was like a direct to fighting dog.

[411] We bought it from a dude who fought dogs.

[412] I was there with him.

[413] We went, and this dude, they would gamble on dog fighting.

[414] And the guy was explaining to us that the dogs don't die.

[415] And he's like, you don't, your dog get killed.

[416] And he goes, it's all about gambling and it's all about breeding the pit bulls that are, like, to them, he had been doing this for generation upon generation, apparently.

[417] Well, that's what Michael Vic was saying that it was a cultural thing.

[418] Yeah, I don't buy that.

[419] Well, yeah, I don't buy that.

[420] He killed a lot of them by torquiting them and all that.

[421] Yeah.

[422] Come on.

[423] man. That's the dark side of it is that they take these animals after they let them fuck each other up and then they shoot one of them or kill one of them.

[424] You know, the one that quit.

[425] They don't even want them to breed.

[426] If you got scared and turned away from the other dog, they don't even want them to breed.

[427] They want them to just fight mercilessly.

[428] Fight until somebody pulls them off.

[429] It's just a fucked up thing to breed into a dog.

[430] It's a fucked up behavior trait to breed in.

[431] There's this old frail lady in Burbank that walks her pit bulls.

[432] Two of them every day.

[433] And every time I see it, I'm like, that's not cool.

[434] You have to at least be able to, like, if something happens, take care of it and not slap it with the white glove and shit.

[435] Not every pit bull will freak out and fuck other dogs up.

[436] Some pit bulls are very well, you know, like socialized and well trained and, you know, they're exercised well so they're, you know, they get tired out.

[437] And that's an important thing with dogs.

[438] The dogs are just like people, man. You got to throw the ball for the dog.

[439] You know, you got to give the dog some space, you know.

[440] My dogs have a big yard to run around and it's great.

[441] They need that, man. Dogs need, they need to be able to, you know, to just to blow off some steam.

[442] Yeah.

[443] Otherwise, they're tense.

[444] You know, a dog that's in the house all the time, it doesn't get to get out.

[445] Those dogs will bark and jump up in the air.

[446] They're fucking freaking out.

[447] They're like, Jesus Christ, you keep me in locked them in a box all day.

[448] I'm a dog.

[449] I'm supposed to be out running around.

[450] You know, so if you have two pit bulls, man, you better make sure that you put those fuckers through a good little workout routine.

[451] I need to start bringing my dog here every time I do this podcast.

[452] Yeah.

[453] My poor dog just sits there.

[454] He's like, oh.

[455] I have a dog who's in love with me. He's gay.

[456] The dog, he actually, when he sees me, he goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, you know, like, is that fucking guy again?

[457] I love this guy.

[458] But, I mean, really, like, you know, I don't do dog bits like that, you know, that in my act, but, I mean, it really is amazing how his reacts to me, whatever it is.

[459] Yeah, dogs are beautiful like that.

[460] That's why people like having them as pets.

[461] When people talk about having, like, a pet bird or something, like, what are you talking about stupid?

[462] I love that, yeah, the snake.

[463] Go get up, yeah.

[464] I must bought a parrot.

[465] I admit, I went through a parrot phase for a while.

[466] How dare you?

[467] I just saw, I met a really cool parrot, and I was like, that's so beautiful.

[468] I want that in my, like, bedroom.

[469] I think they're cool.

[470] Look, you know, I had a parrot once, climbed up on my shoulder, and I had a baseball hat on, and he bit the little top button off the top of the hat.

[471] I was like, ah, that'd be fun to have around.

[472] No. I didn't buy it when I thought I could live to be 120 years old.

[473] head claws I don't trust anything with claws get the fuck out of here you know come on what kind of creepy thing you got in your life that's a falcon on your show a bird of this new one that they just discovered they just did the the newest fossil that they've uncovered of the biggest bird that ever lived it was 30 feet long it weighed 3 ,000 pounds wow this giant fucking predatory monster lizard was the gray goose of birds so that's a dragon right Oh yeah If it's 30 feet long That's a dragon That's not a bird That's amazing Well it's covered in feathers It's really fucked So are dragons aren't they I don't know Scale Maybe they were scales And we just Suck at feather detections You know what I saw last night Speaking of dragons I saw the Rath of the Titans Is that what it's called The newest one Oh is it good Is it better than the last one Oh my God Is it bad Oh my God is it bad?

[474] Oh my God is it bad It's so bad It's so bad that you're almost like Did you even write this out or did you just Did you laugh at it?

[475] Was it that bad or was it boring?

[476] It was stunning.

[477] It was stunning because it was at first of all The CGI is fucking incredible It seems like they just put the entire budget On making it look badass I don't usually even like 3D movies But this is a really well done 3D movie Was it a kids movie?

[478] No Well yeah sort of I mean it's like PG or something like that.

[479] Maybe it's PG -13 for violence.

[480] So good 3D, good graphics.

[481] Sword fighting and shit.

[482] A lot of the monsters are incredible.

[483] They had this fucking dragon thing, this two -headed dragon.

[484] Holy shit, was it cool?

[485] Like really fucking cool.

[486] So there's good things about this movie.

[487] Yeah, the monsters.

[488] It's like a CGI.

[489] It's, you know, it's like a CGI monster porn film where the talking in between the fucking is way too long.

[490] You ever see a...

[491] Oh, yeah, I hate that.

[492] Get to it.

[493] Like, come on.

[494] Especially if you're in a hotel room and you can't fast forward it.

[495] You've got to just sit and watch these dummies act out.

[496] I think she likes you, kiss her.

[497] I don't want to kiss her.

[498] I don't want to get rejected, man. After Cindy left me, I just don't have that kind of confidence anymore.

[499] Yeah, I don't know what could I do to give you more confidence.

[500] I like the lesbian ones.

[501] They make me laugh.

[502] Lesbian porn.

[503] Yeah, especially like the mother -daughter ones.

[504] How sick is that?

[505] Yeah, that's fucked up.

[506] Mother -daughter Exchange Club, where these mothers take their daughters over to switch.

[507] Oh, my God.

[508] The both go with older women, but the daughter.

[509] You ever see that one?

[510] No. Neither did I, but I heard about it.

[511] I would never watch something like that.

[512] It's sick.

[513] I haven't on my phone.

[514] Yeah, I saw one of them where a mother and daughter were sharing a dick.

[515] Oh, yeah, I've seen that.

[516] The mother was stuffed in the daughter's mouth.

[517] And it was the daughter's mouth.

[518] I mean, the girl looked like her.

[519] I thought it was the son's dick.

[520] Yeah.

[521] I bet there's a video like that.

[522] Oh, no, there is.

[523] There is.

[524] It must be.

[525] For real.

[526] There's one for everything.

[527] If we've thought it up.

[528] Somebody's already like...

[529] Come on my glasses.

[530] Oh, yeah.

[531] That's what I said.

[532] Fetishes.

[533] Yeah.

[534] You know, there's foot come fetishes.

[535] Yeah.

[536] Where dudes only want to come on girls' feet.

[537] There's fetishes where the people put fingers and guys' penis holes.

[538] Oh.

[539] And guys like it.

[540] And guys like it.

[541] And then there's the other way around where guys fuck girls pee holes and like fit the whole dick inside their pee holes.

[542] How is it possible to get a dick inside of it?

[543] There's videos.

[544] Look at it.

[545] It's fucked up.

[546] It's actually people like it.

[547] It's fucked up.

[548] I look at them every day.

[549] Yeah.

[550] I saw a paparazzi thing happen last night.

[551] This is the craziest thing ever.

[552] Okay, we're at the improv for comedy juice, and there was a big gang of, you know, comics outside of the improv, you know, and just hanging out smoking cigarettes and shit.

[553] And across the street, there's, like, this Mexican tequila bar.

[554] And this some celebrity came, was coming out and the valet put their car there.

[555] And it was like Lindsey Lowhan's style paparazzi's everywhere, like fucking flash bulbs and, fucking jumping on top of their car, like around their cars, you know, like just like surrounding them, like zombie style.

[556] And so they're in the car and they're taking photos of photos.

[557] And so all the comics were just screaming stupid shit across the street.

[558] Nothing like really bad.

[559] Like ones that's like, don't Princess Diana her.

[560] And like, is that Lindsay Lohan?

[561] And just stupid shit.

[562] And so the car takes out, and it's some girl from, I think, Fast and Furious too.

[563] I can't remember her name.

[564] Maybe even Mendendez.

[565] Menendez or something like that.

[566] I don't even know if that was her.

[567] Spanish is not your first language.

[568] And so she drove by and she's smiling at it.

[569] It's like, ha, ha, you guys were funny while this whole thing happened.

[570] So it was cool because all the comics, like, yeah, mission accomplished.

[571] But then a second they left, all the paparazzi's, this big gang, just fucking slowly started walking into traffic, the cars honking the horns, like slamming on their brakes, and they didn't give a shit, and they were just walking across street, and then getting up into all the comic's faces and going, you got a fucking problem, man?

[572] And like, they were like all about, doing that?

[573] Yeah, and they were all about to, like, fucking just start beating the shit out all these fat improv comic guys.

[574] Aggressive paparazzi?

[575] Yeah, it was crazy.

[576] And then, uh, I pulled out my iPhone and I started recording it because that's what I thought I would do.

[577] But unfortunately, the, the, the FaceTime was facing me, but I didn't notice it.

[578] So it's just my face going, you got your reaction.

[579] But, but then halfway through it, I look over, I'm like, oh, fuck.

[580] And I turn it over and then I show them all, like, walking away, like gang style, like walking through the street, like a fucking gang fight, right?

[581] it was fucking crazy so then once they all they all take off and suddenly one of the paparazzi's came back on this like motorcycle going down the wrong way of Melrose's like like in and out of cars like scary it was scary as fuck slams my brakes across the street talks to the valets that he like points over to us and then fucking just takes off and blows through like two red lights and I was just like what the fuck are these paparazzi gang members it was scary dude it was like I was just sitting there going what the fuck well you got to think who these people are.

[582] They're stalkers.

[583] They're professional stalkers.

[584] They're, they're terrifying.

[585] They're terrifying.

[586] They're terrifying.

[587] Well, they also, I think they have to fortify because a lot of people, like, lash out at them.

[588] Yeah.

[589] You know?

[590] Well, now I...

[591] A lot of people don't like that.

[592] Can you imagine being Lindsay Lohan, though, or somebody like that and just having that shit happen to them?

[593] That's scary.

[594] I bet it is, man. I bet it is.

[595] Man, what would you do?

[596] That's why I think the AIDS blood thing I was talking about.

[597] You had AIDS blood and just started, like, winging it around?

[598] Really, honestly, I don't think it should be legal to have a gang of people just standing out there with a camera.

[599] and photographing someone like that and freaking people out and especially when they're walking in the traffic like that like that should be something you should be able to get in trouble for yeah it seems like you know if you want to go bust pot chops pot shops aren't hurting anybody these guys are walking in traffic and big giant groups who are freaking out some chick unless and here's the big and less and this is the real unless it's all planned unless she set it all up and that's exactly what i was thinking too because it was like why is there 25 people and none of us know who this girl is I think that's what they do.

[600] Look, everybody's got to grind out of living.

[601] I don't hate a guy trying to make a living.

[602] The way you can make a living is taking pictures of Eva Mendez or whoever the fuck it is, as long as they're not really harassing people, and I don't think they are for the most part.

[603] I think a lot of it, there's a few that, I mean, like, clearly when Britney Spears was going bonkers and shaving her head and running around and beating cars with an umbrella, clearly they were just following her.

[604] There was no agreements there.

[605] They were like, let's follow this crazy bitch all day.

[606] she's bound to do something nutty you know this is this is easy pickings but I know for a fact that people set up fake situations where they tell someone a publicist will set it up with the paparazzi so the paparazzi so they make it look like it's a big deal you know like they're everywhere I go what am I going to do meanwhile they're fucking asking for it they're setting it up of course yeah it's part of part of the whole you know let's be famous thing it was scary though to me that if that was me that had that happen to me like with all the because those people were trying to pull out in their car and there was just like 20 people around their car they were like come on get the fuck out away away from my car you know and they're just like touching your car and shit and that would that's fucked up and there's so much flashes how are you even being able to see when you're trying to pull out in the traffic the flashes alone those people any flash bulbs going off all those people should be like tickets like there's like that's like saying that's like trying to distract somebody fuck texting imagine flashbob's in your fucking face well it's it's definitely just the giant mass of people that you say were blocking the traffic you shouldn't be able to do that would you ever want lindsay lohan on a podcast why i think it'd be interesting to talk to her i think she's hot man you like i like that skanky blonde look i mean because she got a beautiful face she's redhead again but i mean when she was blonde and it was like obviously so like a little girl she's so hot She needs to stay right out.

[607] She might be the hottest.

[608] She's so hot.

[609] She's so hot.

[610] My contention about a lot of celebrities, when Michael Jordan was at his peak, and I really believe that they find people annoying, but if they weren't recognized, they'd feel insecure.

[611] Hey, I'm Michael Jordan, I'm over here.

[612] Don't bother me. Right.

[613] You know?

[614] Do you think about a lot of these guys?

[615] Some people, they definitely, it's like being recognized as a big party for them.

[616] It gives them a charge when they go somewhere, and they get recognized.

[617] you know we had like you know everlast from the house of pain who's on the other day yeah yeah he's the exact opposite he likes to be able to sneak in favorite podcast of all time by the way 201 is my favorite thanks a lot good this is 202 try harder down this could be I feel like we're close I feel like we're real close no no he the reason why I liked it because he played live acoustic songs we and Joe pretty much got her own concert right Everlast was fucking awesome the songs were like new songs we had not heard before and they were really good man he's a good fucking song i was having heart palpitations anybody they can do what you can't do that you love yeah seems so impossible you know because when people go stand -up comedy so hard and i'm thinking yeah you're playing a 12 -string guitar yeah like this neurosurgeon friend of mine that's hilarious people laugh for you know like we can't have a neurosurgeon for it because we're like you know joke monkeys that's not whatever i'm mad i know just go ahead because i know what you're going to say go ahead what he says i can never do what you do exactly yeah Yeah.

[618] Meanwhile, he's a neurosurgery.

[619] I mean, that's hilarious.

[620] He said, but he said, I can never do what you do.

[621] I said, but at least you can kid around a little.

[622] You could kid around with your family and make people live.

[623] I can't do a little neurosurgery.

[624] Yeah.

[625] That's funny.

[626] It's true, though.

[627] You can't pop into the ORA