#248 - Tom Rhodes

[0] international man of mystery Joe Rogan podcast Check it out The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night All day Powerful Tom Rhodes Ladies and gentlemen My man And I don't I don't work out too much You don't have to That's just a sales pitch I'm just trying to get people to buy rocks I'm sending cannonballs Through the mail son It's a sales pitch That's awesome But it does work I mean if you're down with working out, man. Those pills sound great.

[1] That's my kind of work out.

[2] I'll get you some of that.

[3] Just wash it down.

[4] Yeah.

[5] It will help.

[6] It would help a little bit more, Tommy, if we get you into some yoga classes.

[7] I was just, I was hesitant to say that a few years ago, I was really into beak room yoga.

[8] That's a hot one.

[9] And I just love it.

[10] And I'm not even good at it, but, you know, I was very sveled when I was doing it.

[11] And I'll do it periodically now.

[12] It's good to do when you're traveling.

[13] But when I was living in Los Angeles, Angeles, I would go to this headquarters and there was this little gay Indian instructor and I hated this guy.

[14] He was constantly yelling at me. Tom, you're doing it's wrong.

[15] You're doing it's wrong.

[16] And I'm like just holding the position.

[17] I'm like, God, why is this guy on my ass, you know?

[18] And one time I, uh, he was, because most yoga instructors are cream puffs.

[19] They don't yell at you.

[20] This guy would yell at people.

[21] And he, like, somebody would lie down and he'd go, get up, get up.

[22] This is not Silver Lake.

[23] Like apparently, like, they're real cream puffs.

[24] Silver Lake, but one time this guy was in this LA one, the headquarters I guess actors or whatever, some guys go in there in their underwear.

[25] And there was a guy in and he had these Calvin Klein striped underwear.

[26] Oh, come on.

[27] Really?

[28] He's like, yeah, he was like a couple people down for me. And the little gay Indianist started goes, I just want to say you men who want to come in here with your underwear.

[29] What is that?

[30] You in the striped Calvin Klein's, do you think we want to see that?

[31] I'm gay and I don't want to see that.

[32] Whoa.

[33] It was really awesome.

[34] Well, that sounds awesome.

[35] But the other part of them sounds like the opposite of what a yoga guy is supposed to be like, you know, this is that silver leg.

[36] Like, what the fuck are you talking about?

[37] But one time he comes over to me, I was, you know, and he shows me how to do some position.

[38] And then he goes, what's your name?

[39] And I go, Tom.

[40] And I go, so does that mean I'm not the Tom?

[41] You're always yelling at?

[42] Apparently, there was another guy in the class named Tom who, like, apparently really sucked.

[43] Oh, so he was yelling at him.

[44] I thought he was yelling at me for like three months.

[45] oh that's hilarious and it turns out it was somebody else so you would just like keep your eyes straight ahead just locked in the position just holding that shit trying to do it perfect it's kind of yoga's very humbling because even if you think you're a badass you're a fucking good bench press 215 you're one of those guys it's fucking hard to just stand there it's hard to stand there in certain positions yeah there's like a lot of a lot of those like really deep poses where you're like you can't believe how difficult it is to maintain what I love about it is You know, you see old people that look fantastic in these yoga classes.

[46] Well, it lets you use your body in like a real flexible way.

[47] Like your body gets opened up.

[48] Like they're doing these crazy things that are constantly stretching the tissue and pulling the tissue.

[49] So everything has this.

[50] Right, everything has a purpose.

[51] Like, you know, a lot of people have back problems when they get older.

[52] Just the fact that you're bending your spine like that.

[53] And then like certain, you know, neck moves.

[54] you're massaging your lymph nodes where people get cancer, I say as I reach for a cigarette.

[55] Oh, how dare you?

[56] Yeah, I think people carry a lot of tension in their muscle tissue.

[57] And, you know, if you just stretched, even if you don't want to take a yoga class, it sucks to just sit there and stretch.

[58] But I'm telling you, if you did it, just a little bit every day, you'd feel more relaxed.

[59] It feels like you alleviate some tension.

[60] Like your body has just got this fucking spring thing going on where everything's pulled And if you could just, it literally physically makes you feel like you've alleviated some stress just by pulling that muscle tissue apart.

[61] Now, it's like we, a lot of times we, you know, there's a lot of people, especially when you see people in traffic and road raging and freaking out for, you know, objectively nothing.

[62] Right, that's always it.

[63] Like you'll be coming home from a yoga class and like, you'll see you're driving and you're all mellow and there's people freaking out.

[64] You're like, oh, dude.

[65] It doesn't even make sense.

[66] Yeah.

[67] And so, well, what is that?

[68] Well, it's because this guy's got all this shit stored up inside of them.

[69] So anything is making them pop.

[70] Right.

[71] Anything's making it pop.

[72] It's just failure after failure after fucking life shits on them here and there.

[73] And this fucking bitch, how could she say that?

[74] And fucking get out of my fucking lane.

[75] You know, you meet the guy.

[76] He's already on nine before you even hit your blinker.

[77] You know, that's all it tanks.

[78] You know, you hit your blank.

[79] You fucking con. You can't stay in your lane.

[80] Exactly.

[81] And L .A. is filled with those people.

[82] I just, I got to go over there.

[83] There's a space.

[84] I'm not even cutting you off, you crazy bitch.

[85] I don't think I'll ever be on the cover of Yoga Magazine.

[86] And I saw you're on the cover of Fighter Magazine.

[87] Yeah, Fighters.

[88] I loved it.

[89] I read that piece.

[90] It was great.

[91] Yeah, they're really nice guys, man. You're like such a badass.

[92] I'm just a comedian that likes different things.

[93] That's it.

[94] I'm not a real badass.

[95] I'm only a badass if you don't know how to fight at all.

[96] If you don't have fight at all, I'll fuck you up.

[97] But if you're good, you'd probably kick my ass.

[98] So it's not really a badass.

[99] When you work for the UFC, you're constantly around like the elite of the elite fighters of the world.

[100] You want to talk about like an alpha -nales experience.

[101] Well, just, you know, assassins.

[102] Like Anderson Silva.

[103] When you're around Anderson Silva, okay, Anderson -Silva is a very nice guy, very friendly guy, always happy, very nice people.

[104] But make no mistake about it.

[105] That motherfucker is a stone -cold killer.

[106] He's a killer He's the greatest fighter That's ever walked The face of the earth When you're around that guy That's some humbling shit man You know you just know That that that guy could Light you up And there's not much you can do about it There's not much you can do about it Hope it ends quick I've always loved boxing And you know It's amazing like you see like lightweights and stuff You see these little guys Like if you saw him on the street With like clothes on You'd probably think I could kick that guy's ass Yeah sure They're like the most vicious Like a guy like Uriah Faber.

[107] Yeah, Uriah Faber is not, you know, he's a short guy, but he's a fucking beast, man. You know, any normal dude, 250 -pound dude that fuck with Uri Fabor, he'll get a hold of your neck, man. I don't care if he fights at 1 .45 or 135.

[108] He gets a hold of your neck.

[109] It's night, night.

[110] You know, that's a crazy quality to have, you know, to be just like a human bulldog.

[111] I know a lot of those dudes.

[112] You know, it's a very, it's humbling, very humble.

[113] humbling thing.

[114] It's fascinating too because you're watching the best that have ever been, really.

[115] It's like you're getting a chance to, when I show up at work and watch the UFC fights, I'm getting a chance not just to watch like the best of today.

[116] Unquestionably, the best martial artists that have ever existed.

[117] Like these are the best of the best ever.

[118] This is like an epic peak of activity where like the technique and the like the ability and the overall game of these fighters it's so much better than it's ever been before it's like insane it's saying it's how much it's evolved and grown just in like the past 10 years well it's amazing the effect it has on the united states like you see bars that are just packed to the gills you can't get in when the ufc's on people think it's like some rome shit it is it is totally room shit it's but you know what the people were very entertained in rome yes you know they never complained about the entertainment you know the viaducts might have been leaky it's funny that it's the old Caligula will poke you in the ass, but hey, what a show.

[119] You know, look, I will unapologetically defend mixed martial arts to the end, because I love it.

[120] It's fun to watch.

[121] And for me, you know, if we are evolving, it's not happening within my lifetime, and I'm going to enjoy what I enjoy.

[122] Sorry, you know, people like doing it.

[123] They like doing it, and people like watching it, and that's all that matters to me. I know a lot of those people, they're very nice people, but they have a calling, and their calling is to see how many people they can beat the fuck out of.

[124] And it's a crazy, they're essentially playing a crazy game.

[125] What that's, I mean, throughout human history, you know, men fighting each other and showing who's the dominant fighter is, is timeless entertainment.

[126] But that's why it's so weird that it's the oldest sport, really, that's ever existed.

[127] I think, I think boxing was like one of the first Olympic sports.

[128] Yeah.

[129] But fighting in general, combat sports, the idea of trying to take out another person physically.

[130] The only reason why, I mean, it is the oldest form of competition between males, for sure.

[131] And now it's the biggest and newest sport now in the current generation.

[132] That doesn't even make any sense.

[133] It doesn't make any sense that it didn't exist all along this time.

[134] That it was only in limited forms.

[135] Like they dribbled it out with boxing, there's a little kickboxing over here.

[136] Nobody ever put everything together.

[137] The Thai boxing.

[138] I was in Thailand years ago.

[139] So, you know, it's interesting that Thailand was never colonized.

[140] All those other, you know, Vietnam, the French and all these different Asian countries have been colonized, but Thailand never was.

[141] And I always thought it was because of the colonial white dudes came over there and saw Thai boxing.

[142] Like, fuck, I don't want a knee in the stomach.

[143] Well, they have a weird way about them, don't they?

[144] Yeah, they do that snake charmer dance at the beginning.

[145] Yeah.

[146] If you ever been to Bangkok, man, you go to the fights.

[147] It's so great.

[148] They play that snake charmer music and they're kind of, they're up on one foot and they're moving like a snake, like a cobra.

[149] It's a wild style of fighting.

[150] So they dance and acknowledge each other before they start swinging.

[151] Well, they don't just do that.

[152] They also agree to start out slowly.

[153] They start out slowly in the first round.

[154] They don't attack like American fighters, like the bell rings.

[155] They charge out.

[156] It's a tradition amongst the Thai fighters to start slowly so that the bets can get in.

[157] Oh, wow.

[158] The first round.

[159] Today's knowledge nugget.

[160] The first round is like a lot of this.

[161] Whack.

[162] Because the bets are still, because they got a real lazy bookkeeper in the window.

[163] They don't really go for it.

[164] Well, you know, there's a lot of bets.

[165] Like, man, my, that's not like it started and you know more bets.

[166] Well, I think the line changes, you know, the bets are still coming in.

[167] They want to make sure that all the bets are in.

[168] So they get, I'm sure, they get instructed to fight at a very methodic pace for the first round.

[169] The first round, you don't open up too much.

[170] Then the second round, the bets are in.

[171] Then it's time to go to war.

[172] So most Thai fighters, they would have a disadvantage when they would fight in like K -1 because they weren't used to coming out of the gate guns blazing.

[173] They were used to letting this first round be sort of a betting round.

[174] And if they're drenched in blood, they keep the fight going in Thailand.

[175] In Thailand?

[176] You know, there was a movie made, I think, about five years ago, and it's a true story.

[177] This guy, Thai fighter, he used his winning prize money to have a sex chip.

[178] Yes.

[179] And it was a little at a time.

[180] So, like, you know, he's, he's half a woman, he's got the boobs on, and he's still beating everybody's ass.

[181] Yeah.

[182] Well, apparently when he got his testicles removed, though, that's when it was night, night.

[183] When they cast him.

[184] That guy really beat my ass.

[185] I'm kind of attracted to him.

[186] Yeah.

[187] I think he started losing once he became a full -on woman.

[188] Once he got his nads cut.

[189] Yeah, once, yeah, so it's, you know.

[190] Hey, Joe, question about your fighters magazine?

[191] cover uh one you look like cg i here for some reason but but one what's up is this is this your head like photoshopped on somebody else's body or did you actually pose with the microphone like that because isn't that weird it looks like they just kind of pasted your head on somebody else's this is you know it looks like some lee harvey oswald type yeah no it's just the shadow that was uh i was in the octagon oh that's cool and they just put a camera right in front of my face he said i stand there i'm okay like this it looks like i'm kind of mean mugging yeah and you look CDI for something.

[192] I did a bunch of different ones.

[193] I mean, a bunch of me smiling, but that's the one they picked.

[194] They picked, like, almost like...

[195] You know, it's a guy smiling on the cover of Fighters magazine.

[196] Silly.

[197] I like the pictures on the inside.

[198] Is that your pad, the house?

[199] Yeah, yeah.

[200] I have...

[201] Thanks for never inviting me over.

[202] Hey, you want to come out.

[203] Come on, Tom Rods.

[204] We're friends.

[205] I don't like swimming.

[206] I don't like hot dogs.

[207] You know how much I love hot dogs.

[208] Oh, yeah.

[209] This is a picture of your gym inside.

[210] that uh that great shot yeah i got a gym that's like set up like uh it's like a cage and uh zebra mats that's a great shot that's a wow so it's like this um it's like a full mima gym that's your old stripper moves there isn't i'm trying to get sexy right there you'd be a great stripper i just realized i'd be okay but i'm lazy like magic mike style i wouldn't really hustle i wouldn't be i would be You kind of shattered that thing.

[211] I always thought, like, guys with muscles weren't funny, like, comedians.

[212] Like, guys who were really, like, buff.

[213] But you're, like, funny, and you talk about, like, political things.

[214] And, you know, whatever preconceived notion I had about muscle guys.

[215] Yeah, you and Karatop knocked it out of the park.

[216] You know, man, me and CT, we's all about breaking boundaries.

[217] It was all about satin precedents.

[218] We was all about milestones, you know what I'm saying?

[219] Watermarks, high watermark.

[220] Me and CT, we go way back.

[221] hair top he's old friend of he's from florida and uh i saw him in vegas like two weeks ago he's not he's not as buff as he was he kind of yeah he got he's like in really good shape but he's not that bulging like uh he was he got a little crazy and then he brought down really good guy yeah awesome i've heard that from everybody yeah and whatever whatever makes people laugh you know is a good thing uh i hate i hate snobby comedians you know i mean i do as well motherfucker's got problems in this world and uh my father who's passed now.

[222] Years ago, I got tickets for us to see the Rolling Stones at the MGM in Vegas.

[223] I don't know.

[224] It was like 10, 15 years ago.

[225] And something screwed up with the tickets at Will Call.

[226] And we're like, I'm like, oh, my God, you know?

[227] And we came all the way to Vegas and with my dad.

[228] We went and saw Caratop.

[229] And, you know, one of my...

[230] My dad's the reason I'm a comedian.

[231] He had comedy albums.

[232] He took me to my first comedy show.

[233] And, you know, now that my dad has passed, that's one of my favorite memories, thinking about sitting with him.

[234] You know, my dad's drinking his little rusty nail cocktails and, you know, thinking about him laughing at carrotop shit.

[235] That's awesome.

[236] That's beautiful.

[237] You know who's super buff nowadays is Dave Chappelle.

[238] Yeah, yeah.

[239] I saw him the other day at the comedy store and it's just scary how strong that guy is.

[240] I heard he was doing MMA, but I never heard, like, online, like, there's a gym where someone was training with Dave Chappelle.

[241] I never heard any of that.

[242] But, yeah, I think that's awesome.

[243] Dave was always, like, really skinny.

[244] I guess you got tired of that shit I want to be able to fuck people up why not yeah the idea that you know you have to be fat or you have to be skinner you have to be muscular you have you either think funny or you don't think funny if you either you know put invest time into it and treat it like it's an art for me you don't it doesn't matter if you have any muscles that's silly how many hours of a day do you spend like writing comedy you don't have 40 minutes to go work out you know right You know, you don't have an hour here or there.

[245] You probably did.

[246] Right, and that old model of like the alcoholic comedian who didn't take care of himself.

[247] I mean, of the 80s, you know, that...

[248] I don't like, yeah.

[249] Those people have all died.

[250] Yeah, and they didn't look like they were having a good time at the end.

[251] You know, that alcoholic life is a tough, tough life.

[252] You know, Dom I were a good friend of mine recently quit for like 17, 18 days.

[253] He hasn't had a drink.

[254] And, you know, he's just talking on the podcast yesterday.

[255] We did the Ice House Chronicles, and he was just talking about how great he feels, and it's amazing to wake up and not have a hangover.

[256] He was planning for hangovers.

[257] He would, like, schedule flights.

[258] Like, I don't want to get up then.

[259] I'll hang over.

[260] Like, he knew he was going to feel like shit.

[261] And he said, just this 16, 70 days, he doesn't have to feel sharper.

[262] I took a break from drinking for the month of March, and it was remarkable how sharp I was on stage and how clear -minded, you know, without having a beer or two.

[263] Yeah, well, the body is a fucking machine.

[264] man and when you throw some shit in it that it has to deal with you know but you know you get older and you know your body changes you know i mean you know everybody can remember when you're younger and you could just get plastered at a party and then wake up the next day and help a friend move and then play softball in the afternoon it was i have a theory about that and i think that when you're younger you're less aware of your body you're less aware of the consequences of being exhausted you're less aware of what you've done when you you you poison yourself and you fucking wake up hungover when you get older you know what you did and so when you get older you really accept it and think about it and dwell on it well i could barely leave the bed nowadays i never used to have that a problem where you like get up and you're just like holy shit i i just need to go back to bed and call this day off because it's been i never had that when i was 21 you know you got to get in shape kid you have to i know i mean it sounds it sounds ridiculous no i just need to not drink that hard you got it's getting in shape as well you got to have a body that's resilient you want to you want your body to have at least some like day -to -day effort you want it to be fighting things off pushing things pulling things doing something where your body feels the need to be vital to have vitality and that that's like your body you have to think of your whole thing as one unit and if you look at it as one unit if one part of it is like detracting resources because it's all fucking falling apart and fucked up and shit and it's all kinked and twisted and It's not used correctly.

[265] It's never been stretched out.

[266] That's going to give you problems.

[267] It's going to cause you resources.

[268] Like your thoughts won't be as clear.

[269] Your ideas won't be as concise.

[270] Because you're going to be dealing with this fucked up body.

[271] I always think I meet brilliant people that have fucked up bodies.

[272] And I'm like, imagine how brilliant this motherfucker would be if he just took care of his health as well.

[273] Right.

[274] Well, you know, I would never purchase such a thing.

[275] But a friend of mine's mother got divorced years ago.

[276] and he had like he had some boxes of her shit.

[277] And on the top of it was one of those Anthony Robbins courses.

[278] Yeah.

[279] I forget which one it was.

[280] You know, seize the, whatever.

[281] Sees the opportunity.

[282] Yeah, you know.

[283] Create a franchise.

[284] But, you know, I listened to these these like eight discs, these CDs.

[285] It was the course.

[286] And it's the, his whole thing is you should start your day exercising.

[287] Even if you're a fat fuck, just get up and walk a half hour whatever you should always start your day exercising because when you exercise you like kind of omit this energy and people want to do business with you because you appear healthy and you know even if it's just the absolute bare minimum and that was like his whole thing that he kept going back to throughout this business course wait you can force your body and then your day is already a victory yes you've already won because you were worked out.

[288] You didn't want to.

[289] You walked for a half hour.

[290] Your day is a victory.

[291] And how much of life is momentum?

[292] It's about getting your shit together for a little while.

[293] We feel like things are going great.

[294] And then it feels like things are going to continue along those lines.

[295] It's about getting the ball rolling, right?

[296] It's about just a little bit of victory, a little bit of moving forward.

[297] And it feels like once things get going in that direction, you can kind of make them go in that direction.

[298] Take control, bitches.

[299] Take control of your own destiny start a yoga class i'm not very good at it i feel like watching vision quest the problem with yoga is if you're married like i am there's too many hot bitches sticking their asses up in the air with yoga pants on and that's just wheweronica is taking yoga training classes in san die that's what i'm talking about see penthouse pet it's not what you need that's not what you need bending over in front of you in a hot box in a hot box where everybody's dripping everybody's all sweat it's like a fucking George Michael's video.

[300] It's better than running on a treadmill watching television.

[301] Fuck, yeah, it is.

[302] But she said that there was, like, she skipped a class.

[303] She, like, went and, like, escaped one of the classes because they all started talking about, like, spirits.

[304] And she ate a brownie before she did it, thinking it was just going to be yoga training.

[305] And so then she said that the woman sat there for an hour and talked about, like, spirits and, like, all this other crazy.

[306] I forget the kind of yoga it is or the, the, the, the pro.

[307] Well, you know, McKenna always said that he, believed that yoga was a method for using cannabis, that it was a method for exploring cannabis, and that it was supposed to be, it's supposed to coincide with the use of marijuana, either smoking hash or eating hash, and that that's what these crazy poses were all about.

[308] It's all about achieving these like enlightened states of consciousness, why under the extreme influence of edible cannabis.

[309] Yeah, she tripped out.

[310] Well, if you ever done yoga high, have you ever done yoga high?

[311] No, I haven't.

[312] It's amazing.

[313] You might as well be astral traveling.

[314] It'll be like a psychedelic experience.

[315] Go to a hot yoga class, get super duper baked, and go to a hot yoga class.

[316] Holy shit.

[317] Oh, my God.

[318] You'll have a fucking psychedelic experience.

[319] Yeah, her idea is to start teaching yoga with her hot penthouse friends.

[320] Oh, Jesus.

[321] That's going to turn it to a horror house.

[322] Take one hour after they open before the first guy.

[323] comes in with a stack of cash right and then it's on yoga the fuck out of here what are you doing what are you doing those shorts you crazy bitch naked yoga did they do that well these girls would do it wow naked yoga classes Jesus Christ it's gonna be a fucking orgy they got like yoga who's gonna pay for the kids you can go to india and do it like among temples and shit that yeah and deal with annoying people step over like dying children and I would totally be willing to do that except I know too many fucking yoga people.

[324] And too many yoga people, they're trying to reverse what they used to be.

[325] And they struggle and they don't quite get it right and they claim to be all beads and roses and the, but if you get involved in a business deal with those cunts, they will try to fuck you.

[326] Really?

[327] Yoga people.

[328] I've had, yeah, I have a very recent situation with a person.

[329] You're stating that yoga people are unethical business people.

[330] I think that I think that a lot of yoga people are legit.

[331] A lot of yoga people are legit.

[332] No question about it.

[333] I've met some really fascinating people that were like addicted to yoga and how it changed their personality and offered them a new perspective.

[334] I think yoga is very psychedelic in that way.

[335] But I also know a lot of creepy, fake philosophical motherfuckers that do yoga.

[336] Well, I mean, you got the California factor too.

[337] I mean, you know, there's a cute little, there's a cute little beakworm yoga in Orlando that I go to.

[338] It's good.

[339] And it's run by lesbians.

[340] It's really cheerful.

[341] and they used to be in a small place.

[342] Now they're in a bigger place.

[343] And I'm proud of them.

[344] Well, listen, I love yoga.

[345] I'm not saying there's anything wrong with yoga.

[346] There is a little cultish, though.

[347] It gets a little cult -like.

[348] It gets a little yoga -like.

[349] Well, my family, when I told them I was doing yoga, they thought I had joined a cult.

[350] There's a lot of people that that's such an alien idea.

[351] I know.

[352] Oh, my God, they must be, like, living in a commune.

[353] And when I say it's called, like, I'm joking, totally.

[354] But the idea of, you know, this, like aspired mindset you know this yoga mindset namaste you know this mm -hmm you know what I mean this like sort of like you're you've adopted this sort of yoga thing is this and that's what I know is you're struggling to get your shit together dude okay and I love that this is you what you're aspiring to but you're not totally there yet you're still kind of creepy you're still kind of full shit and there's a lot more of those guys there's a lot more of those like there was a dude he used to teach yoga class I used to go to this The guy was from South Africa and a really friendly, like, clean guy, open guy.

[355] It was totally legit.

[356] And he would say things that wouldn't even be remotely corny.

[357] Say things that were, you know, just a different, unique way to look at your day, a different unique way to look at people that you came in contact with.

[358] The guy was 100 % legit.

[359] Always very even and friendly and very kind to people.

[360] And ready for this?

[361] He operated his class on donations.

[362] you didn't even have to pay you could go and take his class for free and it's in fucking Calabasas okay this is a really super expensive place and these I would watch these rich housewives go in and not even put money in wow they would just go in because it was free they would just do it oh I didn't have any cash I mean whatever you know I mean whatever the fuck their rationale was but you know a lot of people paid him because it was so good it was so legit so there are guys like that but there was another dude that I that I knew that was teaching yoga that was banging this guy's wife It was taking classes there and he was just constantly like making the moves on different dudes wives and they eventually kicked him out of the community but I mean there's those guys there's those fake bead wearing assholes with the fucking lotus flower tattoo I noticed you were looking for an afternoon hobby Yeah they're like Predators on dudes wives and shit Well it's funny it's like when you see a guy acting like a dick in a Bob Marley T -shirt You're like you've missed something here sir All of it.

[363] You've missed all of it.

[364] You've missed something about the program.

[365] Well, unfortunately, man, for these people that we see out there that are retarded in this world, they were raised by retarded people.

[366] I don't think they were raised by really compassionate, interested parents who really put a lot of work into raising them and giving them values.

[367] They were set loose like wild animals.

[368] So it's like an aberration.

[369] It's a fuck up.

[370] It's a glitch.

[371] You know, you almost can't even make them responsible for it.

[372] They're so stupid.

[373] You know, that's the big majority of the population.

[374] We're raised by...

[375] Idiocracy?

[376] You think we're heading to water in the fields with electrolytes?

[377] I think there's always going to be a certain...

[378] When we ignore the social aspects of, like, social planning and, like, the social aspects of, like, the fact that you have to deal with all these poor people, these poor people live amongst you.

[379] And just because we've managed to isolate them in the areas where it's not expensive to live, I mean, this is ridiculous that you would allow such disparity.

[380] There's obviously something wrong with the system.

[381] If there's people like that, it is an education thing, it is a discipline thing, it is a tradition thing.

[382] I mean, if you have a tradition of failure in your world and you're surrounded by failure, it almost breeds failure.

[383] And I think as a social engineering plan, the government, if they were going to do anything right, would look at that and figure out, before we fuck with other countries, we have to figure out this little thing right here.

[384] We've got to figure out how to stop this cycle.

[385] I don't know.

[386] The dumber you are, the better you serve capitalism.

[387] So, you know, there's a lot of low -level jobs that need to be filled.

[388] I think that's horseshit, because I think that's pussy capitalism.

[389] I think that's, like, fake competition.

[390] I think if it was all done with honor, and it was all done under, forgive myself, repeating myself, because I say this all the time, but we should have, like, a real simple ethic.

[391] You know, don't be a fucking asshole.

[392] Don't be a cunt.

[393] Really simple.

[394] Make money, but don't be a cunt.

[395] As long as you can get people to follow that.

[396] That was Jesus' whole message.

[397] It should be.

[398] Don't be a dick.

[399] That's all of Jesus' teachings condensed into one.

[400] But yeah, I don't know why the, you know, American government can't figure out that, like, you know, better educated people who have, you know, health care would be better workers, better inventors, that we would be, you know, better competitors in the global market if we gave a hand up to some of these poor people.

[401] Yeah, you're right.

[402] The problem is everybody's short term.

[403] You know, it's like everybody's thinking about themselves and profiting in the short term and the investors that got them in the office.

[404] They want to profit quickly, quickly, quickly.

[405] Nobody wants to, like, build up and spend a lot of money to build up parts of the country that doesn't.

[406] Who's it going to benefit?

[407] Poor people?

[408] We don't even contribute to the campaign.

[409] We don't think of them as a resource, you know?

[410] It's just fascinating because, you know, we're trying to, you know, we're trying to find new places to drill into the ground to get oil.

[411] But we totally ignore the most important research.

[412] for changing the world that the universe has ever seen, the human brain.

[413] We have millions of ignored potential geniuses, potential world changers, potential unique minds, and a million of them cast loose in the jungle of despair that is poor communities.

[414] I mean, if you wanted to look at a resource, there's no fucking greater resource than people at the bottom of the food chain in culture.

[415] those that's the greatest resource ever human beings like you have the if we wanted to make the world better it's it's it seems like you would have to fix the base you'd have to fix the bottom what's the broken part you're going to fix that shit you know and people's like well fucking put yourself up by our bootstraps you got to learn how to do that you know you can't just leave a baby in the woods i love the all the rich white people complaining about the occupy movement it's like why can't you just get a job oh my god do the american dream it's all always to anybody can do whatever they want did you see juliani say that juliani did some speech you know how about you occupy a job how about you go to open mic night you hack you know he was fucking high five his staffers when yeah they came up with that one yeah they were fucking psyched he nailed it he nailed it he hit the line they're on their phone he hit the line it was brilliant perfect timing the audience went nuts i just loved that white people were surprised that There's some unhappy people in this country.

[416] Ian Edwards has a fucking great bit about it, and I don't want to paraphrase, but about how more people, everybody has been robbed by white dudes and suits.

[417] Everybody, like, people are afraid of black people, but everybody's wrong by white dudes and suits, including black, it's really fucking funny, but so goddamn true.

[418] Like, how could they be surprised that anybody would be mad that, like, what was bailout?

[419] What's going on?

[420] Trillions of what the fuck happened?

[421] And where did it go?

[422] It doesn't even make any sense.

[423] You look at the numbers that they talk about, like, you know, a $13 trillion.

[424] What are, where is that coming from?

[425] You're just making this up.

[426] Like, this isn't ever the real thing.

[427] He's just passing around some new number.

[428] Like, what the fuck are you doing?

[429] Like, where's this even coming from?

[430] It doesn't even make sense.

[431] $13 trillion.

[432] What?

[433] That doesn't even make sense to me. I can't wrap my head around more than $100 ,000 or something.

[434] something like that anything more than a hundred thousand dollars i'm like what is going on out there i can't see that far it doesn't even make any sense it doesn't seem real 13 trillion is like stop it that's not even a real number that can't be real we and where did it go what the fuck is going on you did what with it doesn't make any sense it seems like there's no way that should ever be able to happen the system should be it should never be that money can just disappear it should never be that like the fucking well sorry the shit it's not worth anything anymore it's all going to tumble down now and the houses are going to stop appreciating and like what what kind of wacky fucking system are we running on we running a confidence game right well we believed in the value of things that weren't worth that that's where it gets really crazy when people were buying houses and then they were like there was like a little uh crappy you know drywall stucco places going for like 500 ,000 700 ,000 and there were like 150 at best especially in L .A., man. I've had friends that bought, like, in L .A. And you're like, you're out of your mind, man. Like, you're, like, in the belly of the beast.

[435] You're going to get the shittiest price for your, or, you know, for buying something.

[436] Like, why would you want to live like that stuffed in there like that?

[437] L .A. is the weirdest kind of city, too, because it's really spread out.

[438] It never built up because of the whole earthquake thing.

[439] But it was like, listen, let's just fucking, you know, two stories is good.

[440] if one of these things comes tumbling down you see those high rises in downtown L .A. They just stand out like a giant zip.

[441] I'll tell you what's weird about L .A. is the downtown there's some really magnificent old buildings down there.

[442] Like this was a real vibrant actual downtown at one point in time.

[443] And now it looks like Omega Man. It's just like, you know.

[444] People don't.

[445] Zombies and you know.

[446] Homeless crazy people?

[447] People don't even realize how bad it is.

[448] We've talked about it so many times on this show.

[449] You really almost have to go there to see it.

[450] Right, but I don't understand.

[451] I mean, especially all these great buildings, why people don't just move back downtown.

[452] Well, they are.

[453] No, there is a movement.

[454] There's a, yeah.

[455] Yeah, I know.

[456] There's some lofts down there.

[457] A lot of people moving downtown.

[458] Well, there's a lot of new shit that's opening up downtown.

[459] There's a really cool night life, too.

[460] Like, there's a lot of good bars and a lot of good restaurants.

[461] And I've been hanging out more downtown lately.

[462] and it's really cool but it is still just too mixed up there's not a good border of hey don't walk down this street because you'll die and this street's cool to walk down right like I went the wrong direction out of there's a comedy club that I did a spot at and I went the wrong direction back to my car and it was like the scariest fucking street in the whole entire world and like halfway down the street I'm like oh this is the wrong street and then when I turn around there's like all these people like behind me walk and I'm like, oh, shit, what the fuck is this?

[463] It's straight out of boys in the, or...

[464] You've got to be ready to hit that accelerator, son.

[465] You've got to be ready to let people fly over your hood.

[466] I stayed in a hotel down there a few weeks ago, and there was a real cool punk rock bar on...

[467] Was it Lynn Wood, something like that?

[468] You know what I'm talking about?

[469] No, I don't know.

[470] Punk rock bar.

[471] Something would.

[472] We did a lot of Fear Factor shit down there in downtown L .A. And we did a lot of...

[473] Because there's lots of space.

[474] Lots of space.

[475] You can turn a water cannon on the homeless people on this.

[476] streets yours.

[477] There's a lot of old buildings that they, you know, there's a lot of like, like tying zip lines through and stuff.

[478] Well, it's weird.

[479] Like you go to these old buildings in downtown LA and you'll go to like the first two floors.

[480] It'll be like an American apparel factory and they'll be like working, making jeans and shit.

[481] You walk in and it's, it's real weird.

[482] And then you keep walking through there.

[483] And then above that, it's completely abandoned.

[484] Right.

[485] Just dust all over concrete floors, broken windows.

[486] It's, it's, it's, it's It's really bizarre.

[487] It's like you'll have a 10 -story building, but you only have two stories that are occupied, and then we would put up some fucking contraption on the roof and sling people off the side and shit.

[488] I mean, that was with the show.

[489] We did that a lot in downtown L .A., but it's just weird.

[490] Now that Fear Factor is no longer on the air, I feel really bad for the maggot industry.

[491] Whoever was, like, cultivating all the bugs and maggots for that show.

[492] I really don't think that's much of a business.

[493] That industry is collapsed.

[494] It was a guy just like, breathing maggots.

[495] waiting for our order really weren't going to get much out of us.

[496] Yeah, he bought a new, like, house.

[497] Right, I was banking on that show.

[498] That's hilarious.

[499] The maggot industry.

[500] Downtown L .A. is also where they shot Robert F. Kennedy, and I think they're...

[501] No, they shot him at the Ambassador, which is on Wilshire, because...

[502] That's not downtown?

[503] Well, it's kind of.

[504] It's Korea Town.

[505] Because I lived in the Gaylord across the street years ago.

[506] I remember.

[507] I hung out what you once.

[508] Oh, that's right.

[509] You gave him to my house.

[510] That's right.

[511] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[512] Smoked a little to the marijuana.

[513] We've hung out in some really interesting circumstances throughout the years.

[514] Yeah, well, remember when I had the Mr. Road show, you were on news radio, and it was like, I, you know, it was like such a juggernaut of, and had all this pressure on me. I remember they had the new show announcing.

[515] That was a Comedy Central show?

[516] NBC.

[517] Oh, wait a minute, which show you're talking about?

[518] When I had a sitcom, Mr. Rhodes.

[519] Oh, that's right, dude.

[520] That's when you had the long hair, right?

[521] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[522] You had a Comedy Central show as well?

[523] I did a lot of stuff for Comedy Central.

[524] I did Viva Vietnam, and they let me film all kinds of stuff.

[525] What I think you had a Comedy Central show as well.

[526] No. Oh, no. You know what I'm confusing it with?

[527] Your Dutch show, your Amsterdam show.

[528] That was the show where it was you were the host of it, but it was another name?

[529] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[530] It was the Kevin Masters show.

[531] The Kevin Masters show Or late night with Kevin Masters But there was no Kevin Masters No the Dutch people that bought that show The Network They had bought a concept They were going to do an American Style Late Night Talk show A la David Letterman Johnny Carson And we're gonna They named the guy before they found the guy And we're gonna call him Kevin Masters They thought that was like The flashiest American name Showbiz sounding name Kevin Masters And you know I begged him not to do it.

[532] I said, please, I think, you know, I've, I think Tom Rhodes is pretty catchy.

[533] I really like my name.

[534] I've spent my life, you know, trying to establish my name.

[535] And they go, well, you know, no, that's the way it is.

[536] It's going to be, you know, you know, the first year, every newspaper magazine interview that I did, they would say, who's Kevin Masters?

[537] Why is it Kevin Masters?

[538] And I would say, I don't know, they named the guy before they found the guy.

[539] And then when guests would say, Kevin, I would say, please, my name's Tom.

[540] And I never, you know, answered to it.

[541] And so it was confusing for all the media.

[542] But why would they?

[543] So the second season onward, it was called Kevin Masters starring Comrades.

[544] So.

[545] What the fuck were they doing?

[546] Is it just they were high?

[547] They're Amsterdam people?

[548] No, no, no. And that's the thing about Holland is they, you know, So people, normal people there don't smoke a lot of weed.

[549] It's just tourists.

[550] Yeah, they say you're either a teenager or a tourist.

[551] If you smoke weed?

[552] And it's kind of frowned upon if you're in your 30s and 40s and you're still smoking weed.

[553] You're considered very immature.

[554] Wow.

[555] Well, that makes sense that that's what happens when you allow people to do whatever the fuck they want.

[556] Well, and my wife is from Holland, and we've had this conversation a lot.

[557] And her perception is that in the United States, it's like really, really.

[558] cool to smoke pot.

[559] But in Holland, you know, they, you know, marijuana is tolerated.

[560] They educate the people that it's actually an uncool thing and that it will deplete your creativity in your life.

[561] That's hilarious.

[562] How the fuck did they push that?

[563] Deplete your creativity.

[564] Well, I mean, that's ridiculous.

[565] That's what's, that's common cultural perception in the way they teach it to.

[566] Conservative style.

[567] They're very Calvinist Christian society.

[568] They believe in partying.

[569] after you've worked a 50 -hour work week.

[570] Right, right, right.

[571] You know, you can do whatever you want as long as it doesn't harm other people.

[572] And that's nice.

[573] You got a little clip of it there.

[574] Yeah, she was the host of, what was, Shaja, God, Morali.

[575] She was a really hot, red -headed woman.

[576] She was the host of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

[577] And how many years did you do this for?

[578] I did it for two years, did three seasons, on air for two and then the same network let me be a presenter on a travel program so and it's really an interesting story because you know first of all the thing about Holland is that always amazed me is that you know drugs and prostitution are you know not legal but they're tolerated and but in Amsterdam they're like really strict you're not allowed to ride your bicycle on certain streets And the cops do not fuck around.

[579] You can be selling cocaine.

[580] They don't care.

[581] Do not ride your bicycle on certain streets.

[582] And then also, like, you can get tickets for putting your garbage out a night early.

[583] So they've got a lot of really strict rules, even though, like, drugs and prostitution are tolerated.

[584] So I moved there for this Dutch girl.

[585] I had started playing in Europe a lot, London, primarily.

[586] And the comedy store in London is one of the greatest comedy clubs in the world.

[587] And, you know, once you crack London, there's all these other worldwide tours.

[588] There's gigs in Asia and Australia and all over Europe once you get in with London.

[589] So I had played in Holland.

[590] I fell in love with this girl, a little blonde Dutch girl.

[591] And I ended up moving to Holland for this girl.

[592] And we were together for two years.

[593] And I was doing – it wasn't much of a comedy scene in Holland at the time.

[594] I was flying back and forth to London on weekends, playing all over Europe and everything.

[595] thing.

[596] So the relationship didn't work out.

[597] And she broke up with me, and I was just about to move back to the United States.

[598] And I'd completely fallen in love with Holland.

[599] I thought it was just such a wonderful magic country, and I loved everything about it.

[600] And these people saw me in a comedy club, and they were looking for an American to host the late -night talk show, and they gave me the job.

[601] So I got to stay.

[602] I thought I was, you know, this girl, we broke up, and I thought, oh, I'm going back to the States, but then, boom, I get this television opportunity.

[603] And, you know, I always dreamed of, I always loved Carson and, you know, being the guy in the $3 ,000 suit coming out from behind the curtain, standing on the X, doing your little five -minute monologue, you know, and so I got to live this dream.

[604] And the girl that broke up with me, for one year after she broke up with me, she would still get together and fuck me all the time.

[605] Halla.

[606] Holla is my kind of girl.

[607] So I was still in love with her.

[608] Oh, Tom.

[609] And I wanted to get back together with her.

[610] Once in your life, you're fine.

[611] Was it Arthur?

[612] Were you writing poems?

[613] Did you write that poem?

[614] No, no, no, no. But I mean, she was an amazing human being.

[615] And I, we're having dinner at this Greek restaurant one night.

[616] And I told her, you know, I still love you.

[617] And I want to get back together with you.

[618] And I know we can make this work, baby.

[619] Wow.

[620] And she goes, oh, my God, I thought you knew this was just physical.

[621] I don't want to get back together with you.

[622] So I got all upset like a 14 -year -old boy, and I stormed out of this restaurant.

[623] And I jumped on my bicycle, and I'm just pedaling my ass off.

[624] I'm all upset, and I'm just crying, and I'm peddling.

[625] And I turned up Liza strut.

[626] One of the streets you're not allowed to ride your bicycle on.

[627] And my front wheel went into the tram track, and I went over the handlebars, and I landed on my face on the street, my forehead, my nose, my chin were scraped to hell.

[628] and the next day I woke up and my face is mangled and I had to be on television later that afternoon not a studio piece it was a man on the street filming thing and my face is mangled and I didn't know what to do so I went to the buyer corf it's the biggest department store in Amsterdam and I went to the makeup area and there was one chair open and I sat down and it was this gay guy and I told him my whole life story I'm a stand -up comedian from the United States and I moved you for this girl and it didn't work out and she's still fucking me all the time and I said I want to get back together with you And she said, I thought you knew this was just physical.

[629] And I go, I go, I got to be on television in three hours.

[630] Please help me. And the guy goes, don't worry.

[631] I am a professional makeup artist.

[632] And when I'm done with you, nobody will know anything happened to you.

[633] And I am also in love with a bastard.

[634] And he went to work on me. And this guy did such an amazing job.

[635] If you'd have known what you were looking for, maybe you could have spotted it, you know, on the television.

[636] But I swear to God.

[637] This man did such a wonderful job covering up these cuts on my face that I think the man saved my job.

[638] And I went back the next day with flowers to thank him, and he wasn't there.

[639] I went back the next day with flowers, and he wasn't there.

[640] I went back every day that week of flowers.

[641] I still go back periodically, and I've never seen the man ever again.

[642] He was an angel.

[643] He never existed.

[644] I think he was an angel.

[645] I think he was an angel.

[646] He was a gangel.

[647] Or he died of AIDS that night.

[648] No, you didn't, man. He was an angel.

[649] he died of age later that night later that night that's ruthless all the makeup I saw sour my cute little heartbroken story I saw a crazy crazy interview with someone from Colorado where they were talking about the shooting about how the guy's gun jammed yeah and they believed that it was God that stepped in and jammed his gun it's always God God does everything yeah I wish he got there sooner right Right.

[650] Would God be available?

[651] Oh, Joe.

[652] Like a lightning bolt you could send in there.

[653] Why couldn't the guy got in a flat tire on the way over?

[654] The only time God was there was when the gun jammed.

[655] Like, wow.

[656] What a horrible fucking tragedy, man. Jesus Christ, yeah.

[657] It's so terrifying.

[658] My cousin lives a few blocks from here.

[659] Someone's capable of doing something like that.

[660] I know.

[661] You know, and these people, you know, they do it for fame.

[662] And it should be illegal in our media in the United States.

[663] United States to say the person's name in the news.

[664] When somebody does one of these horrific shootings on innocent citizens, they should only refer to that person as that human turd, that human turd that shot those people in Colorado, that human turd that shot those people in Fort Hood, Arizona, Virginia Tech.

[665] Yeah, that would be a wise thing to do, but you know, the human turd number one, human turd number 17.

[666] It's like a union buster sort of a thing.

[667] No one's going to agree to not find his name.

[668] you know right right we got his name right here come to go fuckyself .com right he said he was the joker you know and if the guy really was that big of a fan why didn't he watch the first showing and shoot everybody up at the second viewing doesn't matter the whole thing he's a broken human being we just have to figure out how to fuck a human being become so broken what is it is it is it a chemical imbalance is he on medication is he psychotic i grew up in san diego it's perfect there thing that scares me though is that his mother knew that it was him when he came to visit her she knew that it was her son oh really she was you know when she had heard about it she knew it was him there's a comedian that uh uh Caleb melody oh yeah yeah yeah yeah he uh I think if I remember correctly he actually did a set that night at uh the comedy works and then went to go see that movie later that night and I guess he got shot in the face and yeah I think he got shot in the eye he lost his eye yeah and then he just had a baby uh like a week ago his wife had her girlfriend had a band and you can You can go to, I think it's Calibmelody .com and donate money, Caleb .com and you can, yeah, you can donate, read the story.

[669] Support, support Caleb .com.

[670] Yeah.

[671] So, but that sucks.

[672] That's, yeah, it's close to home, you know, a comedian getting shot.

[673] That's a, just any human.

[674] I mean, it's just, what the fuck?

[675] It's, you, you wonder when we're ever going to get past this shit.

[676] When the Trayvon Martin thing happened, you know, and there was so much hate and anger in the media on both sides.

[677] you know, so many people claiming that the media was unjust in their portrayal and so many black people claiming that, you know, that this guy's a criminal and this guy's a murderer.

[678] Yeah, I liked white people who were saying, oh, did you see what his Twitter name was?

[679] It was something, N -word.

[680] And, like that justified that he got shot?

[681] Yeah.

[682] No doubt it was not handled correctly.

[683] No doubt.

[684] You know, there's a reason why that guy wasn't allowed to be a cop.

[685] They didn't want him to be a cop.

[686] You know, it wasn't, it's not, I mean, I know a lot of cops.

[687] I do too.

[688] My cousin's a cop.

[689] Yeah, you can become a cop, you know.

[690] This guy couldn't?

[691] Why couldn't he?

[692] Well, it's probably because there's something wrong.

[693] There's probably something wrong there.

[694] Whether the cops are like, nah, not you, dude.

[695] Right.

[696] I mean, why is the security guy got a gun anyway?

[697] Well, you know, I mean, I guess you would want a real trained security guard with a gun if you wanted to have a former military or former cop who was a security guard.

[698] But someone who was trained, someone was like, legit, knows what the fuck they're doing, and it's followed protocol.

[699] Right, well, you know, also, I'm from Oviedo, Florida, which is the next town over.

[700] And Sanford, you know, it's on Lake Jessup, this massive lake that's connected to the St. John's River that goes to the Atlantic.

[701] It was supposed to be, it was a big port in the Civil War.

[702] And there's, you know, there's some ancient Civil War era mentality still in that area.

[703] Really?

[704] Really?

[705] I mean, I mean, you got, you got like very poor black neighborhoods in places in Florida and the south, you know, where they're on one side of town.

[706] Yeah.

[707] There's railroad tracks at the center of the town and black people live on one side, white people live on the other.

[708] That's what I'm talking about.

[709] Like old, you know, American South separatism and lack of upward mobility.

[710] yeah it's exactly what we were talking about earlier that if you wanted to fix something man that would be the one thing that you would want to fix and i think rich people would want to put a lot of money into that too like don't you want things to be safer and nicer wouldn't you want it if more people were friendly and kind and not like in in desperate need you know don't don't you think it'd be better if more people weren't in desperate need for whatever reason we have a hard time engineering that we have a hard time looking at that as a number one priority instead it's you know you know where the fuck we're going to going to pull oil from next and how much does corn get subsidized this year and you know what is it what is it what are our gas prices and you know that's we don't worry about fucking poor neighborhoods poor neighborhoods are crazy the idea that you could live and know that in this one area is like infested with criminals and and people who are uneducated and people who are struggling and all the crime rates are far higher and nobody nobody nobody concentrates on that nobody nobody fixes that it's amazing.

[711] It's really, it's quite amazing.

[712] It just shows you how sort of self -centered the whole idea of running a government really is.

[713] I'll tell you how fucked up, I mean, I'll tell you how lame our government is.

[714] I was driving with my wife last year, and we was just talking, you know, about Guantanamo Bay and these people getting tortured and everything, and I was like, I wonder what the top ten songs were that we tortured.

[715] people with at Guantanamo Bay.

[716] And so she gets on the iPhone and she looks it up.

[717] And you're not gonna, well, like the number one song that we tortured people with in Guantanamo Bay by a band called Deaseed or Diaside.

[718] It's called Fuck Your God.

[719] It's like a very loud death metal song.

[720] Okay, so that sounds appropriate for torturing people.

[721] But like, number two was like...

[722] Britney Spears.

[723] No, it was like...

[724] Groove is in the heart.

[725] It was like...

[726] That's a good song.

[727] It was like American Pie by Don McLean.

[728] Oh, wow.

[729] Which is not a bad number.

[730] And then...

[731] But if they played it over and over again.

[732] Number three was, we will rock you.

[733] We are the champions.

[734] Coming up, number three.

[735] Did torture music?

[736] I could listen to that Brian May guitar riff forever.

[737] I think what they're probably doing is just repetitively breaking them down with noise.

[738] Well, we can't even get our torture songs right.

[739] Wouldn't that be great, though, to make that playlist?

[740] That playlist would be so great, man. Yeah, I would not have that.

[741] If I was going to make that playlist, it would be like, Hell and ready, I am woman, a hundred times in a row.

[742] I would talk.

[743] I would talk.

[744] Osama bin Laden.

[745] He's in Pakistan.

[746] He's in Islamabad.

[747] It's a big compound.

[748] There's very tall.

[749] I just end it.

[750] I am strong.

[751] I am invincible.

[752] I'm woman.

[753] It's over and over and over again.

[754] You fucking jihad!

[755] Just fucking scream at the top of your lungs.

[756] Just leap off the top of the building.

[757] Did you hear Snoop Dog is no longer Snoop Dog?

[758] He's Snoop Lion now.

[759] Yeah, he went to Jamaica.

[760] I love that black eyes can change their names.

[761] It's badass.

[762] And they usually have parties to do so.

[763] Like Puff Daddy, remember where he was?

[764] Now he's not puffed daddy anymore.

[765] Now he's P -Ditty.

[766] Prince, I'm just going to be a symbol.

[767] I'm not even going to be a word.

[768] That was really the best.

[769] Prince was the smoothest move ever.

[770] Because I think he was a contractual thing.

[771] That he could, then he could make his own music or something.

[772] Yeah, because he couldn't be Prince.

[773] And I don't think he could change his name.

[774] It was like one of those deals.

[775] I was like, okay.

[776] Yeah, because you remember he put, he had slave on his cheek.

[777] Oh, yeah.

[778] For like a year.

[779] You know?

[780] Well, the music companies are, they're bad motherfuckers.

[781] They know what they're doing.

[782] What was the, what was the rap guy that had the band -aid on his cheek?

[783] Oh, I sure.

[784] No, no, no, no. R. Kelly.

[785] Oh, Nelly.

[786] Nellie, yeah.

[787] Band -aids, that's right?

[788] Band -aids became cool.

[789] I wonder if that's healed.

[790] All right.

[791] And it was always on, like, different parts of his cheek.

[792] Like, you always switched to her.

[793] This guys, I thought I was a bad shaver.

[794] Now he was so good.

[795] How come he didn't put on more music?

[796] I don't know.

[797] Did he just get too rich and just go crazy?

[798] Spent all his money on.

[799] Well, and that's always it with rap guys is, you know, when they make too much money, then they kind of, you know, dude who's going to clean my pool is late.

[800] You know, it's not his street and loses the message a little bit.

[801] Well, now that Little Wayne's out of the pokey, all that shit's changed.

[802] my nizzle A little Wayne Do you follow rap music at all?

[803] I like everything music wise but yeah no I like rap I interrupted you back We were talking about when we first met Or when we've met and hung out But one of them was when you had that NBC show Right that's what I was saying is You know and so it was this It was like this There was a lot of pressure It was very big time And NBC had this unveiling of their new shows or all their shows at the lincoln center in new york city and uh people are coming across the stage and then like i saw you backstage you came up to me and i was just like so happy to to see a comedian yeah yeah you know and i i i think you know we hung out and talked for most of the night because like everybody else like actors and dude i felt the exact same way whenever went into a real comedian it's like oh you're here i wanted to hug you i wanted to hug you please Please tell me, what's life like in the sane, sane world you operated?

[804] I mean, we're not sane, but we're sane for us, you know?

[805] Like, if you run in Doug Stanhope at the airport, you're so happy.

[806] You know what I mean?

[807] It's like, yes, come here, you motherfucker.

[808] Yeah.

[809] Yeah, I mean, that's the glory of being friends with comedians, you know, to have friends like Joey Diaz, you know.

[810] Joey Coco Diaz.

[811] And, you know, so many of our friends are calm.

[812] I mean, everybody that we bring around here to the Ice House, we have these Ice House Chronicle shows.

[813] you got to do one man they're so fun they're so fun you're here at the ice house this weekend this friday this friday and saturday they've never seen tom rhodes he's a bad motherfucker international comedian a real comics comic dude has been around forever and uh the ice house is probably if not the oldest club in the country it's right up there yeah yeah yeah yeah and um all these classic comedy albums were recorded here like bob newhart the button down mind and uh the smothers brothers I just came out with a new CD and it's a double CD thing one is live at the comedy store in Sydney Australia and the other one is live at the ice house those comedy stores are like a rip -off of the real comedy store right they don't pay the real comedy store they just called it the comedy store yeah no there none of them are related the London one the Sydney one sneaky international name thieving motherfuckers taking money out of Mitsy Shores pocket I think uh she you know that ain't the Comedy store.

[814] I think...

[815] It's one in Japan, too.

[816] Yeah, that ain't the comedy store, bitch.

[817] Oh, no, a comedy store.

[818] I think they didn't, you know, copyright the name.

[819] They fucked up.

[820] They were the only copyright and wrote it in California or the States.

[821] Whatever it is.

[822] There's only two real comedy stores in the world, ladies and gentlemen.

[823] That's Hollywood and La Jolla.

[824] That's it.

[825] Okay?

[826] Let's not get crazy time.

[827] Yeah, I've never been a big comedy store guy.

[828] Like, I just recently, like this year, I've done like three sets there.

[829] And that's...

[830] It's a weird club.

[831] And, well, I've enjoyed going there and hanging out.

[832] Like, I think the last time I saw you was there when I ran into you a few years ago.

[833] And, you know, good friends of mine play there.

[834] But I always had a strange feeling about the place, which I'm starting to get over now, because I've enjoyed playing there this year.

[835] But I'm from the Orlando, Florida area.

[836] And when I was 19 years old, I won this contest.

[837] the funniest person in Central Florida contest.

[838] Not funniest person in Florida, funniest person in Central Florida, which I think is hilarious.

[839] There was a kid in South Florida, who was a real badass.

[840] And the grand prize of this contest was I got to go to fly to Los Angeles and do a set at the Comedy Store.

[841] And I'm 19 years old, man. I've been to a comedy for two years.

[842] LA, the comics are, oh my God, you'd have thought I was doing Johnny Carson.

[843] This is my break, baby.

[844] Going to L .A., man. and in retrospect it was an open mic night and I only did five minutes but there was a very famous comedian there I won't mention the man's name and he acted like I was the funniest comedian he'd ever seen in his life and then he invited...

[845] Was he a big guy?

[846] I'm not saying...

[847] Was it Polly Shore?

[848] No, no, no, let's for the record state it was not Pauly Shore.

[849] Don't even do it, Brian?

[850] No, let's let's leave some mystery.

[851] Anyway, so may or may not be a big guy.

[852] He invites me to hang out with him, and then he asked me to take a drive with him.

[853] And, oh, my God, you know, who wouldn't want to take a drive with a famous guy?

[854] And we parked in front of the rage on Santa Monica for like 20 minutes.

[855] What?

[856] That's the gay bar.

[857] Well, years later, when I lived in L .A., I find out the rage is, like, the biggest gay bar in Los Angeles.

[858] I had no idea at the time.

[859] So this guy is showing off his young meat And then he says he needs to go by his apartment In Beverly Hills And we go in And on his wall he had all these photos Of him and famous people that were signed to him And so we go from one side down all the way And he's showing me You know This is me with Gandhi and Martin Luther King And whatever whoever Urkel And then we get to the end of the wall And it's the corner this was the guy's move to show you the pictures you start at one side and then boom you're in the corner and he makes this move on me and I'm 19 years old and the guy the guy the guy steps in on me and what's the move?

[860] And I just like I just like kind of I recoiled and and the guy steps in on me and he he cupped my ass with each hand he's got it Why are you afraid to say this man's name?

[861] I don't say it.

[862] Don't, don't.

[863] I won't say it.

[864] I won't.

[865] I promise you I won't say it.

[866] But I will say what it rhymes with.

[867] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't do it.

[868] Don't do it.

[869] Please don't.

[870] So anyway, you know, I said, can we go back to the comedy store?

[871] And I can't help but reflect on that moment all these years later and think how much further my career would have gone if I would have just fucked that guy.

[872] Yeah, you still think so.

[873] You would lose all your street credit.

[874] I'm kidding.

[875] You would lose.

[876] So, but anyway, but that was why.

[877] So, like, you know, and I go back to Florida, I'm 19.

[878] And, like, people are like, hey, how was your trip to Hollywood?

[879] I don't want to talk about it.

[880] Have you talked to him since?

[881] Never, never seen the guy ever again.

[882] But, yeah, so that kind of made me shy away from the comedy store for...

[883] Well, that makes sense.

[884] I didn't know that that guy was doing that, but it kind of makes sense.

[885] I think a lot of those guys, you know, I mean, when you hear enough stories about dudes like that that pull moves on masseuses and stuff and...

[886] Oh, my gosh.

[887] God, how about John Travolta, man. You think that's true?

[888] Well, you think he really had his ass?

[889] Because, like, three or four guys came out and said that he'd stick his ass up in the air and go, you just touch it.

[890] Oh, just touch my butthole.

[891] I can only speculate.

[892] You think maybe he's just at a higher level of Scientology than we would ever understand?

[893] It could be that what we're seeing.

[894] Maybe that's the top level.

[895] You get to stick your ass up at people and beg them to touch it.

[896] What we're seeing as immoral activity is really the next phase of evolution.

[897] And once you really appreciate the pleasure of the prostate gland, you can move on to the next level of clear.

[898] You can go super.

[899] The pleasure of the prostate gland.

[900] Super duper clear.

[901] Well, it's there.

[902] It's a secret.

[903] You know, that feeling is a secret.

[904] It's the best feeling of all time to have someone massage your prostate.

[905] And John Travolta has obviously figured it out.

[906] But these non - He is at the highest level.

[907] He's at the highest level.

[908] That is the highest level.

[909] These people are all delusional.

[910] He should be able to pay, especially as an upper -level Superman character in the fucking game of Scientology, he should be able to pay to get his asshole rub.

[911] Right.

[912] Why is he going to strangers?

[913] Because we got a lot of tall -tale stitch -ass bitches out there working in massage parlors, needing to learn to keep their trap -shut.

[914] Right.

[915] I mean, hey, what happened to masseuse's client?

[916] Yeah, confidentiality.

[917] Listen, every comedian knows dudes who steal jokes.

[918] Every masseuse should know a celebrity that wants you to finger their asses.

[919] It's part of your job, man You should know what's dangerous You know what I'm saying If you want to be a UFC fighter Don't play footsies with Hootsamar Paul Horace You know what I'm saying I watched an info commercial last night Called the Milana bra Have you heard of this thing The Milana bra?

[920] I think the old UFC ring girl was in it But it's weird because it was such a Man -Bashing commercial First it starts off to like saying Like is your bra doing this and that and they're showing all these really luscious hot girls.

[921] And then they show this bra and it's just like the most ugliest, grossest thing.

[922] And it's like, hide that cleavage.

[923] A bra was designed by men, you know?

[924] And then they did like that fake game show thing where they had like a studio audience.

[925] Like, now did a man make this?

[926] No, this is the way women should look.

[927] Anyways, I just found it on YouTube just to show you a little example of how insane this is.

[928] It's called the Milana brawl by Jeannie.

[929] Spell it, Milana?

[930] Having another bad bra day?

[931] Shoulder straps and underwire digging in, hooks, poking you in the back, and bras that just don't fit and just don't let.

[932] Really?

[933] Commercial's awesome.

[934] You're kidding.

[935] Introducing the Milana bra by Jeannie, designed by a woman, for women.

[936] This amazing braw gives you super support, amazing lift, and incredible comfort.

[937] All in a beautiful, hand -sown, lace cammy style.

[938] Say goodbye to painful straps that are digging into your shoulders.

[939] If you see the full commercial, it's on late night TV, it will make you so pissed off.

[940] Why?

[941] At, like, what they say.

[942] And, like, you could just tell it's like, like, why would, why do you want to show your cleavage?

[943] You know, don't, don't give in to the man and stuff like that.

[944] No, what I think they're saying is that other shit is uncomfortable.

[945] You've somehow another turned it into a man versus woman thing.

[946] Right.

[947] Look, look, embarrassing cleavage?

[948] Gone.

[949] Cleavage.

[950] Sexy, classy, cleavage bitch?

[951] You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

[952] It's always there.

[953] This is very, very smooth.

[954] So I'm happy about that.

[955] It's the one bra that I can hear.

[956] Oh, shut these ladies up.

[957] I don't want to hear about that.

[958] It will drive you crazy.

[959] But anyways, I think the...

[960] The first part is awesome, though.

[961] Is this the old UFC girl, right?

[962] Let me see if I can find it.

[963] Never mind.

[964] I'll find it.

[965] Her, right there.

[966] Oh, yeah, probably.

[967] Yeah.

[968] She does a lot of those.

[969] Yeah, that's Shandella.

[970] She does a lot of modeling.

[971] unfortunately she did some some nude type stuff at one point in time isn't that what we all expect from a ring girl yeah you're allowed to do certain levels of nude type stuff i don't know but no whole close up no animals ridiculous i just think it's so crazy people are so so weirdo when it comes to that shit especially now with technology and teenagers with cell i'm so glad like cell phones went around like camera phones when i was a teenager it'd be hours of you dick online would all be hour long films we like really got lucky that we missed that but i mean like there's so many girls uh you know taking pictures of their snatches yeah oh yeah well there's horrible hacks have happened in like i think that'll be the new fingerprinting system in the future that's you know how people have those accounts where you can upload pictures from your cell phone people have hacked into those and got a lot of girls like secret photos of like loads on their faces right well you know like that that uh rupert murdock's son scandal in england I mean, I wonder, like, if...

[972] What is that scandal?

[973] Where, like, they hacked into people's email accounts and that they were also...

[974] They were eavesdropping on celebrities' phone calls, and they could retrieve their voicemails and things.

[975] That's incredible.

[976] So, I mean, I...

[977] Rupert Murdoch got in trouble for that?

[978] That was the...

[979] I knew that they had...

[980] Well, there was a girl who had, I think, been abducted and killed, and then he got her voice messages, but also, like, Hugh Grant and all these people, they were, like, you know, listening.

[981] Well, what happened is that someone, they checked the message and it gave the family hope that she was still alive.

[982] That was it.

[983] They knew that the phone that someone had checked since then.

[984] Like, oh, she's alive.

[985] She's alive.

[986] Right, right, right, right.

[987] I mean, well, she wasn't alive.

[988] That's some creepy shit, man. That's ghouish, you know?

[989] And so how come he's not in Joe?

[990] Oh, he's really super rich.

[991] Super, super, super rich.

[992] Yeah, if that was Tom Rhodes, Tom Rhodes, you'd be in jail right now.

[993] Isn't that amazing?

[994] And we just sort of accept it.

[995] Like, well, he is super rich.

[996] I mean, we still live in like a king era.

[997] I mean, it's still really like that.

[998] Did you see when he was in court, some guy, I was in Europe, so I saw it, some guy came in with the pie and smashed a pie in his face, but his Asian wife jumped up and decked the guy.

[999] It was like, do you think it's even possible to, like, take Bill Gates to court?

[1000] You know what I mean?

[1001] To, like, prosecute him with some sort of a crime.

[1002] Could you ever go after him?

[1003] When you have that kind of money, I mean, it's, he, when you have that kind of money, I mean, Isn't it possible to, like, stop everything in its tracks?

[1004] Like, could Rupert Murdoch go to jail?

[1005] Could you ever see him being arrested?

[1006] Never happened.

[1007] Especially since he doesn't live in America, right?

[1008] Doesn't he live in Australia?

[1009] Yeah, he's Australian, but...

[1010] But does he live in America?

[1011] He knows where he lives.

[1012] Probably lives wherever.

[1013] Probably lives on top of Mount Everest.

[1014] Probably lives everywhere, son.

[1015] It's probably got a house in every state.

[1016] Yeah, just drives into that shit, son.

[1017] You got Rupert Murdoch -type money?

[1018] That guy's not going to jail.

[1019] No, he's probably got, you know, a farm of poor people that he's going to start.

[1020] You've taken their organs as he gets older.

[1021] Yeah.

[1022] It's probably clones.

[1023] It's probably headless versions of him, you know?

[1024] They're going to chop his old head off and stick it on some super young body.

[1025] Right.

[1026] It's going to be awesome.

[1027] It's going to be like 70 from the neck up and 20, 20 and young.

[1028] People guess the comic.

[1029] Hard as a rock.

[1030] People guess the comic?

[1031] No, they didn't.

[1032] No, they didn't, Brian.

[1033] Right?

[1034] No. They didn't, did they?

[1035] No. They didn't.

[1036] That's right.

[1037] They said it would.

[1038] They didn't do it on my space.

[1039] A lot of them got it wrong, right?

[1040] On MySpace, yeah.

[1041] They got it wrong everywhere.

[1042] Brian.

[1043] You don't want to get sued by that guy.

[1044] Totally.

[1045] Plus, he'll corner you.

[1046] He's got moves.

[1047] He's got traps set up all around the city for having conversations with you.

[1048] Can we just walk over here and have a boom next thing you know?

[1049] The trap.

[1050] The trap was masterful.

[1051] It's really amazing.

[1052] Here's me with the famous person.

[1053] I heard that David Lee Roth at his mansion in Pasadena, he had his gold records from the front door up the staircase to the bedroom.

[1054] So when he would bring women over.

[1055] I mean, this might just be, you know, urban mythology.

[1056] But he would come in and go, oh, let me show you my gold records.

[1057] And then boom, we're in the bedroom.

[1058] Never thought about that.

[1059] That's just masterful.

[1060] I mean, that might be bullshit.

[1061] Why would it be bullshit?

[1062] He's goddamn David Lee Roth.

[1063] Why would it be bullshit?

[1064] I do the EATO where I just put chocolates on the ground.

[1065] Excesses.

[1066] David.

[1067] Wrath, man. The guy was a hero.

[1068] There was a story, Paul Williams, I guess, and remember Paul Williams' little guy?

[1069] The composer?

[1070] Yeah, singer.

[1071] I think it was Paul Williams and like some friends of Johnny Carson's, this little men's drinking group in the 70s where they, and this might be urban mythology as well, but it's a great story I heard years ago, that they would try and top each other, like doing a special lunch for each other.

[1072] And like, the most extravagant, you know, rich guy shit they could think of.

[1073] And they stopped playing the game.

[1074] Forget who it was, but like somebody, you know, sends limos to get all six of the guys or whatever, and they go to the, you know, Burbank Airport or wherever.

[1075] And like, there's like six helicopters waiting, and they fly out.

[1076] And there's like a prostitute in each helicopter who handed them a bag lunch with a sandwich.

[1077] And then the helicopter hover.

[1078] over each guy's house and their wives are probably home and they got to eat their sandwich and get a blowjob as the helicopter hovered over their house.

[1079] That's beautiful.

[1080] And then like whoever was in charge that okay that'll never be topped.

[1081] That is some James Bond type awesomeness.

[1082] That's badass.

[1083] That's why it's worth it to become a fucking billionaire.

[1084] Yeah, Rupert Murdoch probably has like buttons that he presses and chicks come out of the floor just naked chicks and they just suck us cock.

[1085] He probably has it set up like little spring traps everywhere in the house.

[1086] And he forgets about him once in a while and he goes out of a dead one.

[1087] And if I want a blowjob, I will press this button.

[1088] She appears in the bathroom.

[1089] Yeah.

[1090] So right when he's about to I'll be right back, he's going to take a shit, she pops out of the floor in a capsule.

[1091] Like those things they had in Star Trek, she just, the floor rises in like a half a second.

[1092] She's already on her knees and naked.

[1093] He just shoves his cock in her mouth.

[1094] Mm -mm -mm -mo.

[1095] Boom.

[1096] I was thinking last night there were so many hot Asian girls that we should have like a discount of your hot Asian girl you get $5 off your ticket or something.

[1097] Shut up, Brian.

[1098] If he wanted to do that, if Rupert Murdoch wanted to do that, he could have it set up where it's where he takes a shit because no woman ever want to walk in on an old man while he's taking a shit.

[1099] When old men start shitting, all you have to do is like, all right, I'm going to take a shit.

[1100] And he could just have, no one would ever know.

[1101] If he had some offset tile, if he had some really interesting Tigile and just had, you know, a good, you know, weird geometrical design that this, this capsule was made out of.

[1102] And then, you know, he'd have them waiting.

[1103] You'd have them waiting, you know.

[1104] Maybe he had, like, a little iPhone app.

[1105] Maybe he has a little iPhone app.

[1106] And it's like 6 p .m. in the shitter.

[1107] And he just shows up, shuts that door.

[1108] Are you checking your Twitter again?

[1109] Yeah, like it recognizing when he's in the room.

[1110] And maybe he has a chip implanted in his arm.

[1111] So that every room it goes into, the right lighting and mood light comes on.

[1112] walks in that bathroom, they know it's him, hook her out of the floor.

[1113] I mean, that would be amazing if he could really pull it off and no one knew.

[1114] And then, like, you get there, like, later on, he dies, and they find out he was like a Nazi or some crazy shit.

[1115] So they have to go through his house.

[1116] His wife is, like, 40 years younger than him.

[1117] Nice.

[1118] And when the media goes through his house, they find these capsules.

[1119] And they led to these underground tunnels that led to an airplane runway.

[1120] when they would bring girls right from Thailand and they would just go into the capsules they didn't even know where they were they were blindfolded the whole flight they just brought in as Rupert Murdoch's bathroom suckers Have you actually really ever had your dick suck while on the toilet?

[1121] No, that's pretty gross That's pretty gross That's so rude too Make someone smell your shit and suck your dick You greedy bitch I bet Dana would love it's one or the other Yeah maybe Dana would have How funny was that last night We had a podcast, the Ice House Chronicles, of Dana Dieram on, and Dom Arrera knew everything about her.

[1122] It was weird.

[1123] Dom's the best.

[1124] Dom's the best.

[1125] Oh, a porno woman.

[1126] Yeah.

[1127] Dom's the best.

[1128] He's a confirmed pervert from the get -go.

[1129] Yeah.

[1130] He's like when he tells stories about which crazy chick he was living with.

[1131] It was that one crazy stripper.

[1132] Remember that one, Joe?

[1133] It was like, as opposed to what?

[1134] Which one wasn't a crazy stripper?

[1135] Dom Arrera is, he's like, he's a real deal.

[1136] you know I love knowing that there's a guy like that out there right there's a guy like domerara still writing new material still slugging it baby killing it yeah we had him at the ice house joey dyes domerra that was just brodie stevens yeah dude domerara is a motherfucking killer crushed it i watched him crush it on a friday night on a wednesday night i mean he always nails it and it's like it's so inspiring to see that he's always writing you know i love that i love when i see he's always got a fucking notebook with him he's always going over some shit before he goes on some dudes just somewhere along the line they just kind of like give up on that right not him don marrera's out there slinging it i love that when you see older guys still care and still put the work in i'm friends with uh it's a real comic great friends with britch hall and he's he's in london and you see him and you're like god yeah he's fantastic he was one of the guys i paid to see before i ever did comedy i saw him at uh stitch's comedy club in boston massachusetts wow like right before i did my first open mic night it was cool he was him and this guy Teddy Bergeron performed.

[1137] Teddy Bergeron was this local headliner who was a brilliant, brilliant comedian who really never got his...

[1138] It never really never got his notoriety because he had a problem with drugs and alcohol and all kinds of shit.

[1139] But he's like a legend back in Boston.

[1140] I mean, just an amazing, amazing comedian.

[1141] I saw Rich Hall.

[1142] Didn't he...

[1143] What was his...

[1144] He had a lot...

[1145] I remember he played in Orlando when I was like an open micer.

[1146] And he had a lot of props.

[1147] He came out, he had like a tricycle and there was a car door welded to it.

[1148] And he'd roll down the window and he leaned out the...

[1149] It was like really cute stuff.

[1150] Yeah, he had a lot of weird shit.

[1151] And he did sniglets, you know.

[1152] But, um, but yeah, no, he's like...

[1153] What was the sniglets though?

[1154] Those were words for things that there are no words, like belly button lint and all these different...

[1155] Like that crust around the milk carton that falls off into your cereal every time you unscreened.

[1156] Right.

[1157] The toothpaste that sticks to the sink and, um...

[1158] But he's actually, you know, very political.

[1159] social -minded comedian now he's a is he really yeah and you see him and it's i mean he's you know like that was the thing about miles davis he um he had like seven or eight different styles in the course of his career and that's kind of like rich hall is you know got to be on his ninth style of that's cool so he's doing it in london now plays theaters all over england yeah didn't he have a farm in like british columbia no no no no he's got a ranch in montana montana yeah i went out and stayed with him a couple years ago for the month of august a ranch in Montana, because I know Harris Pete from the comedy store was a buddy of his, and Harris Pete used to do stuff with him out in the ranch.

[1160] Yeah, he's got a really...

[1161] That's a crazy thing to have a ranch in Montana.

[1162] Right.

[1163] That's legit.

[1164] That's big sky, son.

[1165] And it's so beautiful out there.

[1166] And he's got a pitching machine set up in his endless backyard.

[1167] And so we would sit...

[1168] He loves it.

[1169] Montana's beautiful.

[1170] And so we would sit in his backyard for just hours.

[1171] smacking the shit out of baseballs.

[1172] It's like, you know, when you're a kid, and you think, oh, man, if I ever get a lot of money, I'm going to have a batting machine in my backyard, you know?

[1173] Right.

[1174] But, I mean, Montana is most certainly beautiful.

[1175] Don't get me wrong, but why did he pick that as opposed to, like, Wyoming, Colorado?

[1176] Like, what about Montana appeal to him?

[1177] It's stunning there.

[1178] You know, the area is Livingston, and it's just, it's breathtaking.

[1179] You know what else is amazing?

[1180] They're very...

[1181] There's a lot of cool.

[1182] I think Jeff Bridges lives there.

[1183] Peter Fonda lives there.

[1184] There's a lot of...

[1185] Do you think you can hang out with them if you live there?

[1186] I think, yeah.

[1187] I mean, Walter Kearns is writer who wrote up in the air.

[1188] You know, it's a small town.

[1189] Everybody knows each other.

[1190] You know, so we're sitting on his porch, people coming by, and, you know, it's awesome.

[1191] I actually hit a deer, and I had to stay a week longer than I had anticipated.

[1192] And I was thought that kind of thing...

[1193] Because you hit a deer?

[1194] Yeah, my car was the whole front end.

[1195] was smashed.

[1196] You got to get it repaired?

[1197] Yeah, it was undrivable.

[1198] Wow.

[1199] And it was like 4 o 'clock in the afternoon, really sunny, beautiful day.

[1200] I always thought that kind of thing happened at night.

[1201] And I was only going like 45.

[1202] I was just building up momentum.

[1203] I just turned on this road.

[1204] And it was actually kind of beautiful to see this gorgeous creature up close like that as it bounced off my hood.

[1205] Yeah.

[1206] It was like this really radiant red, brown.

[1207] own coats.

[1208] Yeah, we're so removed from the variety of nature that a deer is like some shit from Avatar, you know?

[1209] Oh, it's alive.

[1210] Look, it's alive.

[1211] Like, we control all the animals in our perimeter.

[1212] That's why we're able to, like, walk down streets, like, bare, fleshy asses.

[1213] We don't have to worry about elks ramming us and shit.

[1214] We sort of control the perimeters.

[1215] We keep the animals out with all this hard surface and craziness.

[1216] But the deer's supposed to be around people.

[1217] It's like, that's what you're supposed to live, they're food.

[1218] You're supposed to live around them.

[1219] They're delicious.

[1220] You got to have a good bumper, though, man. You ever see those bumpers that they make for trucks?

[1221] Well, that's why everybody has trucks there.

[1222] Not just trucks.

[1223] They have a specific type of bumper.

[1224] Right, right.

[1225] See if you can pull it up, Brian, because it's like some road warrior type shit.

[1226] Right.

[1227] They have a cleaver bumper.

[1228] And they just knock them down.

[1229] Yeah, well, if you hit it with this bumper, deflex it to the left or to the right.

[1230] You know, the idea is that you can really get fucked up by a deer, especially an elk.

[1231] If you hit an elk, those, they're, or a moose.

[1232] Moose are massive.

[1233] I saw a huge pickup truck there that it hit a moose.

[1234] And it was mangled.

[1235] The whole big engine was crushed like an aluminum can or something.

[1236] They're so huge, man. And they're so stupid.

[1237] Look at this bumper.

[1238] There you go.

[1239] That's what I'm talking about.

[1240] Is that what it's called?

[1241] I don't know.

[1242] The deer slaughterer.

[1243] Look at the big lights too on the front of it.

[1244] That shit's also important.

[1245] Did you know semis, the front tires of semis have like spikes coming out of them?

[1246] What?

[1247] I'd never know.

[1248] Oh, on the on the hubcap area.

[1249] Yeah, on the Hubca, I've never noticed this before.

[1250] I just started noticing it yesterday.

[1251] They have like these Mad Max spinning or James Bond.

[1252] Yeah, not all of them.

[1253] I think that's like a special.

[1254] That's like getting rims on your car.

[1255] You know, if you're a trucker, I think that's that.

[1256] Oh, it's sexy.

[1257] But I noticed it like, I noticed it yesterday and I noticed every truck in L .A. at least has it.

[1258] And I want, is that just so if like anyone tries to come over on them that they just like destroy the car before the semi.

[1259] Before the semi loses its tire.

[1260] That is bad max.

[1261] It's probably pretty smart.

[1262] I'd probably like that.

[1263] Yeah.

[1264] Better than, you know, I'd rather your car get a little fucked up than this semi lose a tire and go careening into a crowd.

[1265] I never noticed.

[1266] How prophetic was Mad Max, the road warrior?

[1267] They're fighting each other for gasoline.

[1268] Uncomfortably.

[1269] As it gets closer.

[1270] The big guy.

[1271] I am the humongous.

[1272] And then this gay lover with the Mohawk gets the, uh, whatever you call it, the boomerang in the head.

[1273] Remember that?

[1274] It could go that way.

[1275] If you, uh, if you look at parts of the world, like Liberia.

[1276] where it's like a really badly fucked up area of the world, especially during the Civil War, which was not that long ago.

[1277] Liberia, where we sent the freed slaves that wanted to go back to Africa.

[1278] I mean, horrific.

[1279] Their capital is Monrovia.

[1280] You know a lot about Liberia.

[1281] I know a lot about the world.

[1282] Did you ever watch that vice?

[1283] You are a fucking international, man. You are, Tom Rhodes.

[1284] Did you ever watch that vice guy to travel on Liberia?

[1285] Mm -mm.

[1286] They covered that guy, General Butt Naked, the guy who was a born -again Christian, who has killed thousands and thousands of people, murder children ate their heart and shit yeah really intense civil war type shit and then became like a Christian found Jesus and apparently they like let him off the hook with a child's heart do you drink red or white wine I think it just take it raw like a shot wow no ice nothing yeah it's it's so twisted that this guy gets to say I you know I found Jesus now I'm good and they forgave him and then all your sins are yeah I mean he's like an incredible war criminal and he used to fight naked just take off all his clothes that's why he's general butt naked Yeah, that was his deal.

[1287] Just kill people naked.

[1288] Personally responsible for the deaths.

[1289] I never saw it.

[1290] I actually watched this documentary last night.

[1291] And if you haven't seen it, you should watch it.

[1292] It's called The Century of Self.

[1293] I have heard of it.

[1294] I like traveling all the time.

[1295] And I love watching BBC documentaries and free online documentaries.

[1296] And this thing's called Century of Self.

[1297] And it's about this guy, Edward Bernays, who was Sigmund Freud's nephew.

[1298] you.

[1299] And he, after World War I, wanted to do propaganda for interested in controlling the masses, but he changed propaganda to public relations.

[1300] And this guy did, he got like women to smoke, like the women suffragette movement, women trying to vote.

[1301] Women didn't smoke cigarettes.

[1302] It was really a taboo thing.

[1303] And then he got these women to light up at this march.

[1304] they call them torches of freedom and now we're equal to men we can smoke and just like just all these things about manipulating the masses through um you know public relations and yeah well they've been doing that since the gate go as soon as people figured out how to talk they figured out that they can lie you know you don't have to tell the truth and then they just got better and better at it and it evolved like everything else but yeah it's interesting it's like a four part series like four it's like an hour each thing I think the BBC made it but then like the last episode is how it's used in politics, how, you know, this, the corporations learned this at the turn of the century, you know, how they could, because people used to only buy things that they wanted or that they needed.

[1305] And now, you know, to fulfill their selfish desires of, you know, this product will complete me. Well, what happens is people get caught up in this materialism loop where that is the focus, where it's constantly attaining the newest objects become the focus.

[1306] And everything else becomes secondary.

[1307] It's like the focus is most on, I got to get this new Ferrari.

[1308] There's a new Ferrari out of Ferrari 258 Italia.

[1309] It is the shit.

[1310] I have this car.

[1311] It completes me. I need this car.

[1312] I must have this car.

[1313] And then you get that car.

[1314] And you know, you think, now you think you're looking at Lamborghinis like Lamborghinis are more badass.

[1315] And then, you know, you're looking at the fucking Veyrons.

[1316] And you're getting crazy.

[1317] You're focusing on objects instead of actual pursuit of interest.

[1318] I think you're hanging out with a higher class of people tonight.

[1319] I'm not even talking about any human being that does that.

[1320] I mean, like, real extreme materialist.

[1321] I mean, I obviously took it at a, you know, I took it from Ferrari to that.

[1322] But it doesn't have to be that.

[1323] It could be a fucking Mustang.

[1324] It could be a new TV.

[1325] It could be a new computer.

[1326] It could be, we somehow, now that it can become obsessed with attaining some sort of a new object.

[1327] The Galaxy S3 is out.

[1328] Have you tried it?

[1329] You know, it becomes like the focus of your fucking day.

[1330] You're watching all these YouTube reviews on the Galaxy S3.

[1331] And you're like, what the fuck am I doing?

[1332] I have a phone!

[1333] Why am I being so crazy?

[1334] Like, what am I doing here?

[1335] Am I going to use all these features?

[1336] Have you seen the Galaxy S3?

[1337] Who cares?

[1338] How dare you?

[1339] It looks pretty sporty.

[1340] It looks like those droid things have finally caught up to iPhones and he even passed him in a lot of ways.

[1341] Nope.

[1342] You don't think so?

[1343] No. Like you paid attention, bitch.

[1344] Dude, just being after shows, getting, you know, talking to all these people that have their different phones and asking them, every single time I go, so do you like it?

[1345] Do you like it a lot?

[1346] And goes, yeah, I mean, I want an iPhone, but I just can't afford it.

[1347] And I'm like, I get that.

[1348] You know, that's cool.

[1349] You can't afford it.

[1350] It is more expensive.

[1351] But what really sucks is just, like, using these people's cameras, like, because everyone wants to take a photo and stuff so you get to see their photo afterwards.

[1352] So we pretty much are the best beta testers or just to play with shows.

[1353] For cell phones.

[1354] And every time I'm, like, pretty interested, like, let me see what the photo looks like, you know, let's do this.

[1355] And it's always shit.

[1356] Shit.

[1357] Especially like those Sprint ones, those HTCs.

[1358] Those things are fucking terrible.

[1359] It's all blurred out and shit.

[1360] But I'll tell you, I did see someone take a picture with one of those Galaxy 3s, and it was bad ass.

[1361] I mean, if somebody gave me one, I would use it for a month.

[1362] Is this a commercial?

[1363] No, that note, that, have you seen the note?

[1364] It's called the, what is it, is Samsung Note?

[1365] Yeah, it's just like a smaller iPad.

[1366] It's like a fucking iPad.

[1367] It's ridiculous when people have those.

[1368] It looks awesome.

[1369] It fits in your pocket.

[1370] It's the shit.

[1371] I got to get one.

[1372] I must have it.

[1373] I'll tell you what's weird now.

[1374] I just spent two months playing all over Europe, and I, I, I had a week off.

[1375] I went to Rome.

[1376] And you see people with their iPads and taking them around and taking photos.

[1377] Yeah, videos.

[1378] It's really weird to be at, like, the Coliseum and see somebody.

[1379] Well, the new iPad.

[1380] This big -ass iPad.

[1381] Yeah, the new iPad's camera in it is really, really good.

[1382] Is it really?

[1383] Yeah.

[1384] It's a, how many megapids?

[1385] Well, then that, it's so strange.

[1386] Yeah, so it's.

[1387] That's incredible.

[1388] But they're, you know.

[1389] Such a skinny little thing.

[1390] And it's got an awesome.

[1391] But, like, you know, it's 96 degrees in Rome.

[1392] it's hot and especially the Coliseum and the ancient ruins and you got this you know electronics don't like moisture right but if you did have one of those things and you were walking around with it like that they they know what the fuck they're doing when they make these they're not going to fuck up with moisture but you're going to get some amazing pictures you're going to be able to see it on a big screen a big iPad screen I could see that because a lot of times you take a picture something as spectacular as the Coliseum you don't exactly know what you got if you take it with an iPad you know exactly what you got That's kind of badass to think of just that alone.

[1393] If they eventually get it to a point where you don't need a real camera, like they can get the technology down.

[1394] I don't know if it's really possible.

[1395] We don't need an extending lens or anything nutty like that.

[1396] That would be the perfect thing to take pictures with an iPad.

[1397] You can see what the fuck your picture looks like.

[1398] I think that we're going to see what the next iPhone is another, a smaller note type iPad.

[1399] There's already been a lot of rumors that they're going to have like a 7 -inch iPad, which it would be kind of like around the note size.

[1400] Is this 7 inches?

[1401] I don't know.

[1402] I don't have no idea.

[1403] I just compare everything to my dick.

[1404] I'm going to see my dick is bigger than that.

[1405] It's about half the size of an iPad.

[1406] You know my dick is bigger than this right here.

[1407] It's really incredible just to have the, you know, access to all of human knowledge in your hand.

[1408] Like we were talking before we started, like it's a great thing about smartphones is you're talking to somebody now and you're like, oh, what's the fastest bird?

[1409] Yeah, it's like the, or somebody's at a bar talking shit, you know, and you can, Cannonball one, Cannonball three won best.

[1410] actor yeah like yeah fuck you let's go to the answer machine and you look it up we love doing that on the podcast it's the coolest thing when you were like who the fuck was that right like i was saying about the like i was saying about the torture songs we're just i mean remember years ago like if you needed to like make a phone call and you're driving on the highway you had to like get off on the exit find a pay phone with AIDS on it and uh you know call so remember back when you really were worried that you could possibly catch AIDS from a phone you know like when AIDS first came out you're like what if it's on this what if AIDS is on things?

[1411] like what if it's like the flu right yeah remember like and then like recently it's come out in the in the news that you know we're kind of close not to eradicating it fully but like to really minimizing it where it's not a threat to the to the whole human population like when we were teenagers Jesus that came out and you remember when Kinnison came out with a joke about it he goes he goes oh yeah they say Sam he's is a communicable disease heterosexual people I have a two he goes name one name one fucking guy it's not our dance I'm like whoa holy shit Sam was the best he was my favorite ever Sam was great man he was the best he is the most to me I mean Richard Pryor is probably really the best but Sam was one of my favorites I mean right up there with prior to me just like not I mean if you ever like say who's the better comment fellas do you love me Pryor was the best.

[1412] You ever see me in the front yard doing, working on the yard?

[1413] Shoot me, run me over, just kill me. I'm in hell.

[1414] You got to say Pryor was better because Sam would have never been Sam if Pryor hadn't to come first.

[1415] You know, you had to have a guy like that.

[1416] Like, Pryor had to have a guy like Lenny Bruce, you know, and Sam had to have a guy like Pryor.

[1417] Yeah, you have to have somebody that shows you the way.

[1418] Like, every one of us is sort of piggybacking on everybody else's.

[1419] You know, we're all sort of Hicks disciples in some sort of a way.

[1420] Right.

[1421] But I mean, I remember doing comedy in Florida the first few years.

[1422] And, you know, there was just a lot of bland, generic, you know, white guys.

[1423] And then Florida, there was a lot of New York acts that would come down in the winter.

[1424] And they were all like, you know, did a lot of talking to the crowd.

[1425] And, you know, hey, you know, when you're on the subway?

[1426] No, we're in Florida.

[1427] We don't have a subway.

[1428] Well, that's city guys.

[1429] But I remember there was just like this kind of 80s hackiness.

[1430] And then it was the comedian Ron Bennington.

[1431] He's on Serious now.

[1432] Yeah, I love Ron Ben.

[1433] And he was like the first beast of a comedian I saw.

[1434] He was so brilliant, man. Like the first guy I ever saw talking about, like, things that mattered.

[1435] And I saw him, and that, like, opened my eyes.

[1436] Like, wow, you can actually talk about shit that matters.

[1437] And then maybe a year later or something, Kinnison exploded.

[1438] And, like, those were the first two guys I saw where I was like, wow, this is, you can approach this.

[1439] You don't have to, you know, pander to the.

[1440] the masses you can talk about real shit that matters i heard about kinnison from a girl i was working with a chick i worked with a boston athletic club she saw kinnison on hbo she said it was so funny she came to work the next day and was was reenacting his bit about the homosexual necrophiliacs were having sex with the gay with the dead corpses oh it was really funny she was doing it in the parkland it was so funny watching her do it that i had to check out kinnison and that was i was 19 and that was the first seed that was planted in my head i remember thinking like, whoa, like this is comedy too?

[1441] I never thought that this could be, like this guy was, for folks who don't understand, before Kinnison came along, there was nothing even remotely like that.

[1442] A guy who just would scream, just like, I live in hell!

[1443] Yeah.

[1444] I was married for three fucking years.

[1445] I hope you slide.

[1446] I was doing like club men.

[1447] I hope you slide her into a gas truck and taste your own blood.

[1448] Die, die, die.

[1449] I want my records back.

[1450] I want my records back.

[1451] His pain was so awesome.

[1452] It was like here was this guy which was just so completely different than anybody never seen before.

[1453] A former preacher he's fat and short.

[1454] His hair's all fucked up.

[1455] He wears a hat.

[1456] He wears a beret.

[1457] Totally confident.

[1458] Covers his body in a trench coat.

[1459] Walks on the stage with sneakers on and just just dominates you.

[1460] Just dominates the room.

[1461] For the moment he goes to say you can't wait to hear what this guy's going to say next.

[1462] Oh my God.

[1463] And then like you know in Florida and the southern United States are so like you know heavy Christian Jesus.

[1464] freaks and that stuff he would be doing about Jesus jokes about you know well he had the most cloud of anybody he was an actual former pastor yeah so they couldn't fuck with him when it came to like biblical verses and shit he could get away with shit that a guy like you or I might not you know might not be able to pull things out of it he pulled Leviticus out of his ass he fucking taught it which is amazing it's just what a what a crazy life you know they say he was normal until he got hit by a car oh really so he was a really shy kid got hit by a car became a completely different person.

[1465] His brother wrote a book about it called My Brother Sam, not a book about his whole life, but about the, I think it was a truck that hit him when he was a little boy, and it just, whatever, pop something loose, and away we go.

[1466] We got Sam Kinnisand, and the world of comedy has changed by maybe a kid getting hit by a truck.

[1467] You know, that might have been what it was.

[1468] They say a lot of times when people get head trauma, they get really reckless, they get crazy.

[1469] Yeah, well, there's that famous psychological thing, I think it was in Connecticut or New Hampshire or something, like in the, like a hundred years ago.

[1470] Some guy was a really nice guy in the village, and he was at work, and this big metal pole went through his brain.

[1471] And he lived.

[1472] And something happened to him where he, like, his whole personality changed, where he became like just like a huge alcoholic asshole, really mean guy, where this brain trauma just completely changed his personality.

[1473] Well, there was a story in one of those London tabloids.

[1474] And then some people get hit and then they speak fluent French.

[1475] I don't know if the story was true, but there was a guy who was a rugby player and something happened to him.

[1476] He got knocked unconscious.

[1477] I don't believe that.

[1478] You don't believe it?

[1479] No, because we talked about this before, and we looked at photos, and he looked gay before also.

[1480] So you think he was, like, on the fence?

[1481] Yeah.

[1482] Oh, yeah.

[1483] Well, that's what he says that it made him gay.

[1484] And he woke up and, you know, he had no desire to be with women anymore.

[1485] Remember, you know, the government was working on that?

[1486] like gay bomb.

[1487] Wouldn't it have been great if that would have worked?

[1488] Wouldn't that be great?

[1489] Like all our enemies, we just dropped this gay bomb on them.

[1490] We were going to drop in Iraq.

[1491] Everybody starts making out.

[1492] We're going to turn Iraq.

[1493] It's too bad they couldn't have perfected that.

[1494] Turn Iraq into a big, just.

[1495] Gay bar.

[1496] Just a big gay ho -down.

[1497] They changed their national anthem to its reigning men.

[1498] What a ridiculous idea that they thought they were going to develop a bomb that you could drop and it would turn people, they'd turn the soldiers on themselves.

[1499] And the idea would be that it would be that it would, kill morale, because they would just be butt -fucking each other in the trenches, and they would just give up when we came with guns.

[1500] Right.

[1501] They probably did create it, and they probably let it loose.

[1502] But it's such a homophobic idea, because you're saying that a man is incapable of fighting if he becomes a homosexual.

[1503] Like, that's the idea is that it demoralized them.

[1504] Yeah, I mean, I think it made like men instantly desirable, was the thing.

[1505] Well, yeah, but also the idea was that they would be demoralized.

[1506] They would start having sex with their, you know, coworkers.

[1507] That was the idea.

[1508] That was, so it was made by people who were straight.

[1509] I think it's already pretty prevalent in the Middle East anyway.

[1510] I think they say boys are for fun.

[1511] Women are for procreation.

[1512] Yeah, I've heard that before.

[1513] Is that really true?

[1514] Yeah, I think there's a...

[1515] That's a big deal.

[1516] I know people in Afghanistan, I've talked to...

[1517] I've talked to my brother was over there, and that's, yeah, that's...

[1518] Yeah, it's very common.

[1519] That's what I heard.

[1520] Yeah, that's a mess.

[1521] Yeah.

[1522] There's a lot of the world really fucking sucks.

[1523] There's a lot of, yeah.

[1524] And, you know, you talk to people and they're complaining here.

[1525] It's like paradise.

[1526] Pasadena.

[1527] Yeah, you know how nice it is out here?

[1528] Yeah, it's ridiculous, isn't it?

[1529] So there's parts of the world where the apocalypse exists.

[1530] It's going on right now.

[1531] I did a gig in Estonia, country dropper, about a month and a half ago.

[1532] It's really cool up there.

[1533] It's right underneath Finland, and it's the second least religious country in the world after China.

[1534] Really?

[1535] And it looks like Hitler's wet dream up there.

[1536] there.

[1537] Everybody's just tall and blonde and really good looking.

[1538] Skype was developed in Estonia, apparently.

[1539] And a really interesting, cool people and very intelligent people was awesome to perform there.

[1540] What was the point of this story?

[1541] Doesn't matter.

[1542] Estonia was awesome.

[1543] Oh, that was it.

[1544] No religion.

[1545] That's the second least religious country in the world.

[1546] And there was like, in the main square in Estonia, there was this church choir of young teenagers and they were singing like you know happy praise Jesus songs and somebody gave a gave me a pamphlet and they were going to the church and I'm filming stuff constantly in my in my travels because I like you know I'm obsessed of making these little YouTube travel videos and stuff and so what's your channel?

[1547] King of Haha or just search of HAA just Tom Rhodes search Tom Rhodes it'll pop up R -H -O -D and these kids were from Pasadenaed They were like, I couldn't believe it.

[1548] They were from Pasadena and, you know, Baptist Church or whatever.

[1549] And they were in Estonia?

[1550] Eastonia, Converting Souls, singing.

[1551] Whoa, also they were in missionaries.

[1552] Singing Happy Jesus songs in the main square.

[1553] We had a kid on the Fear Factor once that was a missionary, and he would go over to South America and try to convert people.

[1554] Yeah.

[1555] Like they would go over there.

[1556] He was a Mormon, a Mormon missionary.

[1557] Kind of crazy.

[1558] That's tough.

[1559] show up in really poor places and you know listen I know you live in a really hot jungle but would you consider wearing these underwear?

[1560] I want to tell you about a man named Joseph Smith.

[1561] He's 14 years old and he found golden tablets that were the lost work of Jesus and only he could read them because he had a magic rock anyway.

[1562] Wasn't there a talking lizard?

[1563] No, it was a sear stone he looked through a sear stone, a stone, a magic stone.

[1564] Maybe there was a talking lizard too.

[1565] A white salamander or something.

[1566] Really?

[1567] Maybe that too.

[1568] But they were a lost work.

[1569] the Mormons believe that black people did not go to heaven until they got an NBA team.

[1570] And then like, I think like, what?

[1571] Is that true?

[1572] I'll tell you what.

[1573] Yeah, until like the mid -70s, they.

[1574] Mormons are really nice people.

[1575] That's one of the things that the religion does do, is it supports a sense of community.

[1576] It supports banning together and helping each other.

[1577] The Mormons I know are extremely good quality people.

[1578] I have some friends that are Mormons, and you have never.

[1579] and they're wealthy, you have never met more charitable people they've had, they've literally had homeless people stay on their property, and then they're wealthy people.

[1580] They bring in people off the street, they're constantly trying to provide anyone who's connected with the church with a means to a better life, they give people jobs, they help people out, they drive people to the airport.

[1581] I mean, they're like, they're super charitable, nice people.

[1582] Right, and I think that genealogy library of Congress they have in Salt Lake City is like the most comprehensive tracking of ancestry on the planet?

[1583] It's too bad you can't have that, have this idea of being a Mormon without all the loony -toony shit.

[1584] It's like, can we just have like a sense of community and being cool to each other, nice to each other, and all be based on love, and not have all this wacky Joseph Smith from 1820 shit, where it's like, what, golden tablets?

[1585] No, this is not the, the American Indians are not a lost tribe of Israel.

[1586] No, they're not.

[1587] That's crazy.

[1588] Like, they've already checked.

[1589] They've done like a guy, was a Mormon, spent a fuck load of money to get the, you know, the DNA mapped of the American Indian.

[1590] It's all they're Asians.

[1591] They come from side.

[1592] It's all coming down from the Bering Strait.

[1593] That's amazing that they can test DNA and tell where all of your ancestry comes from and what parts of the world.

[1594] It's amazing.

[1595] Did you see that shit they found in Antarctica?

[1596] Did you see this shit, Brian?

[1597] No. They found a fucking rainforests under the ice in Antarctica.

[1598] Wow.

[1599] Santa's workshop.

[1600] Yeah.

[1601] Dude, Antarctica used to be a goddamn rainforest.

[1602] Oh, that's awesome.

[1603] I'm wonder if they're going to find any like animals there that are frozen.

[1604] Well, I mean, you're talking about miles of ice.

[1605] I mean, I think they're just, they're just starting to dig into certain spots on it.

[1606] I'm going to try to find it here because it's a really amazing story.

[1607] But they're saying that it used to be like 75 fucking degrees there.

[1608] It was like Pacific Northwest.

[1609] It was like fucking, you know, it was like living in Oregon or Seattle or something like that.

[1610] And that this was what Antarctica was, like a certain amount of time ago.

[1611] It's amazing when you really stop to think about that, that people were probably living there at some point in time.

[1612] You know, like primitive people, no doubt.

[1613] And then they had to get the fuck out of there.

[1614] The whole thing changed.

[1615] Way before anybody invented cars.

[1616] Way before any of that shit.

[1617] Yeah, it says we're once covered by lush vegetarian with palm, like trees, waved in the breeze.

[1618] Yeah, what?

[1619] That's fucking nuts, man. I mean, wrap your fucking head around that, man. I need to visit the little podcasters.

[1620] road.

[1621] Get in there, fella.

[1622] Go down there and to the left.

[1623] Last door on the left.

[1624] That's cool.

[1625] Yeah, it's amazing, man. But I think they suspected this.

[1626] A lot of scientists suspect this.

[1627] We actually talked about this on the Ice House Chronicles.

[1628] The maps.

[1629] They have these really old maps from like the 1500s.

[1630] I forget the name of the map, but there's a map of Antarctica that they, it's completely unexplained.

[1631] Hold on a second.

[1632] Ancient map Antarctica.

[1633] By the way, Brody Stevens' new TV show on HBO Go comes out August 6, and if everyone just downloads it and watches it, Brody.

[1634] Give Brody some love.

[1635] But I think we're in it.

[1636] I think...

[1637] Oh, that's right, from Brody Derr podcast.

[1638] Yeah, so they came here, and they also used a lot of footage from when I used to U -Stream with him right before his meltdown.

[1639] So I think they used a lot of that stuff.

[1640] Oh, the crazy stuff?

[1641] Yeah.

[1642] It's called Brody Stevens, enjoy it.

[1643] Pull up ancient map of Antarctica.

[1644] Pull that shit up.

[1645] Poof, there's a Google image search.

[1646] It's amazing.

[1647] Antarctica, see, there's a lot of shit about the past that we probably don't know.

[1648] I mean, how much do we really know about anything more than 10 ,000 years old?

[1649] Not a lot.

[1650] There's a lot of fucking sketchy information out there when it comes to the history of humanity.

[1651] But this map, I believe it's from the 1500s.

[1652] And Google image search.

[1653] Yeah, I believe it's from the 1500s.

[1654] Straight out, Indiana Jones.

[1655] It's a complete mystery because we didn't discover Antarctica until I believe it was the 1800s because it was just completely frozen and covered it nice.

[1656] But these motherfuckers from the 1500s had a correct map of the outline of Antarctica.

[1657] They knew where it was.

[1658] They knew what it looked like.

[1659] Fucking nuts, man. We don't know how.

[1660] I think there's a lot of this shit.

[1661] They're too arrogant with their placing of the time that history was.

[1662] was invented in the time that civilization was invented.

[1663] I think they got a little stock on their timeline, and now shit is shifting, like, really, really radically, like far back.

[1664] Like, a recent discovery in Africa, I think they pushed the start of civilization back another 20 ,000 years.

[1665] It's pretty nuts, man. It's time to think about how fucking long ago that was.

[1666] There was nothing.

[1667] Blink of an eye.

[1668] That to this.

[1669] That to Tom Rhodes on the internet right now.

[1670] and performing at the Ice House Comedy Club here at lovely downtown Pasadena.

[1671] Icehousecomedy .comedy .com for tickets.

[1672] Tomroats .net.

[1673] Powerful, Tomroats.

[1674] Where are you based on out of now?

[1675] These shoes?

[1676] I don't live anywhere.

[1677] I've had everything in storage for like six years and just travel constantly.

[1678] Wow.

[1679] That's weird.

[1680] That's nuts.

[1681] You travel with your wife?

[1682] Yeah, she travels with me. Oh, that's badass.

[1683] Yeah, she's in Holland right now.

[1684] When we, she's European so to get the green card you had to she couldn't leave the country for a year and then I just did two months all over Europe and she was with me and so she's visiting her mommy working on her stuff and so you just go you don't you guys don't have a house anywhere you don't know and then when we're you know like last year I spent a month in Asia there's great tours all over Asia right now and then we spent a month in Australia four months in Europe and then we'll take a little trip.

[1685] Like, we had a couple weeks off when we were in Asia.

[1686] We went to Bali.

[1687] She doesn't give you a hard time.

[1688] Like, can we just get an apartment?

[1689] Can we, I want a place to put my shoes?

[1690] No, that was always it.

[1691] I was like, you know, going through these, you know, relationships that didn't work out.

[1692] I was always like, God, why can't I find a woman that likes to travel and sleep late and laugh a lot?

[1693] And I found her.

[1694] That's awesome, man. It's so.

[1695] She's great.

[1696] And she's a photographer.

[1697] So, you know, she's just looking for art everywhere.

[1698] That's cool.

[1699] awesome.

[1700] She's fun.

[1701] It really is all about finding human beings that you're compatible with.

[1702] You know, you you're better because of them.

[1703] They're better because of you.

[1704] You pump each other up.

[1705] So many people get in that negative fucking relationship loop.

[1706] And it's so common with comedians.

[1707] It's almost like a cliche.

[1708] Right, right, right.

[1709] So it's cool to hear a guy like you who's living this crazy life of travel, but yet you're very happy.

[1710] You know, it's nice to hear that when you find someone that's compatible.

[1711] Yeah, she's an amazing, she's an amazing human being, and she loves comedy.

[1712] She loves hanging out with comedians.

[1713] Yet she still hangs out with you.

[1714] Hey, come on with me. I don't take it.

[1715] I got to take it.

[1716] Lady.

[1717] Which, you know, it's awesome.

[1718] So it's never like, can we leave now?

[1719] Yeah.

[1720] It's always, she, like, she loves hanging out with a comedian.

[1721] She loves the, you know, the jokes and the creativity.

[1722] And she's a great laugher.

[1723] It's amazing when you look back to your life and all the people that you could have wound up with, isn't it?

[1724] I'm so glad I waited.

[1725] Yeah, I'm so glad I waited.

[1726] And they're probably glad that you waited, too, because he became a different person.

[1727] along the way.

[1728] You know, you evolved along the way.

[1729] I mean, if you met this chick now when you were 20, you might have fucked it up.

[1730] Right, right, right.

[1731] That's how I always look about.

[1732] But if you look back at, like, some of the relationship that you were in and some of the shit that you tolerated, like, oh, what?

[1733] You just, you would roll the dice.

[1734] You meet someone, they're pretty cute.

[1735] You have a conversation.

[1736] You get a phone number.

[1737] You make a date.

[1738] You try to be cool with each other.

[1739] You don't even know how crazy they are until, you know, you're three months in and you've been fucking run out of a condom for two months.

[1740] you know you don't even really know how crazy she is right it's always the well you are always the crazy girls that are the you know the the uh you know cyclones in the sack man i remember i was with this this girl and she was nothing but a headache and just wanted to argue about such minuscule shit all the time but she was a butthole liquor oh jesus and you will stay in a bad relationship two years longer than you should for a girl who like Tunges your anus.

[1741] Was she, like, picky about when to do it, or was she, like, right after the ball?

[1742] No, it was always, no, no, no, no. Out of the shower?

[1743] No, no, it was always, it was a timely surprise that she knew how to deal out.

[1744] A timely surprise.

[1745] Did you, like, shave your ass for her?

[1746] I know.

[1747] If you knew she was, you let it go, Henry.

[1748] How clean does it ever really get when it's hairy?

[1749] I mean, how much are you washing down there that you're allowing that girl to look your ass like that?

[1750] Why, I was scrubbing pretty ruthlessly when, I wouldn't be, trust in my hairs down there that's like that's like saying here wash your face with this washcloth that I've been shitting into the past 30 years yeah fuck that but I cleaned it really good those hairs who knows how long those hairs are cling to your asshole that's terrible man that's a really you took my romantic story and turned it into a little dingleberry festival it is funny how you look back on especially when I get really high that's when it really jolts me when I really start thinking about like girls that I dated like 20 years ago or whatever you really start thinking like how how insane like those like really young early relationships were how ridiculous they were you know and what what a strange thing it is especially back then when you would you would run into people you would try to figure them out is this going to work can we can do that nope got to go run and then get away from and then there was no fucking text messaging there was no email it was like that was it take care gone I know in Skype is the greatest invention in the world now it's like you know traveling and you remember how like expensive it used to be like make a phone call in a hotel from a hotel room to call your mom or your girlfriend right especially and now you know god it's you can talk for hours for free on Skype and look at each other well it's weird right incredible what a weird world we live in it's a wonderful world and it's just the beginning it's just the beginning but these google glasses go live have seen these fucking things people are walking around like glasses, the information's in front of them like the Terminator?

[1751] Yeah, you know, I've had everything in storage for six years here in Los Angeles because that was the last place that I lived and...

[1752] What do you have in storage?

[1753] Well, that's what I was going to say is I can't wait to get everything out of storage to see what electronics I've been hanging on to.

[1754] Do you know, like, the technological leap that we've made in the last six years?

[1755] Like, I think I've got like a Sony Walkman.

[1756] I think I've got like an answering machine.

[1757] Who fucking has an answering machine anymore?

[1758] I love going to going through my old answering machine tapes.

[1759] I don't know if you do find one.

[1760] I saved a bunch of, because I had one where you could do the cassette thing, and I would take it out and change it all that.

[1761] I think I've got like 10 or 20.

[1762] Go through it.

[1763] I just recently went through some of my own mind.

[1764] It was all amazing.

[1765] Listen to a couple of people were dead in it, you know, like my grandmother and stuff.

[1766] And I'm like, wow, this is great.

[1767] I didn't even know I had this.

[1768] Yeah.

[1769] I used to have a buddy in my died of voicemail message from when I listened to, older and over and over again.

[1770] it's a weird thing that you could record someone's voice when they're dead long gone they can have an impact on you like music listen to hendricks well yeah like my father died and i wish i would have you know i wish i'd have saved all of his voice messages and uh my sister died last year of breast cancer and i did a podcast interview with her uh like six months before she died and i'm so glad that i recorded it um because it's great to hear her laugh and the way that that she, the way she expressed herself and her humor and her vibrancy.

[1771] And it's like, I think we should do that with everybody you love.

[1772] You got the technology and I'm so glad that I have her voice recorded on this conversation.

[1773] Yeah.

[1774] It's a weird thing to think that someone could just not be there anymore, you know, someone that you love so much and you maybe feel like you didn't get a chance to say that to them.

[1775] Yeah, you got to say that to people all the time, man. People just appreciated people more.

[1776] there's these things that people who stick called ordeal poisons and they would take them in indigenous areas that didn't really have access to psychedelics and their ritual, their coming -of -age ritual would involve these ordeal poisons and their shamanic rituals would involve this stuff and what it does is it's like some chemical that almost fucking kills you, almost kills you it just fucks you sideways for a couple of days and then when it's over you feel so grateful that you're healthy again that you've changed your life Well, there's nothing like almost dying to make you appreciate living.

[1777] I almost drowned in Thailand once scuba diving.

[1778] Really?

[1779] And yeah.

[1780] And then for like, it was bad equipment.

[1781] It was this French resort and this tattooed criminal scumbag diving instructor from Montpelier -Philippe.

[1782] And there was a reason why he was hanging out in the Pee -P islands in Thailand.

[1783] You could just smell the cocaine criminal past on this guy.

[1784] Really?

[1785] And he was the diving instructor.

[1786] And then there was a French girl, Helene.

[1787] She worked at Bordeaux International Airport for Air France at the ticket counter.

[1788] And she was my diving partner.

[1789] And oh my God, this is going to be perfect.

[1790] I was single at the time.

[1791] This is going to be love.

[1792] Helene.

[1793] And Philippe also had a crush on this girl.

[1794] So every day, anyone who's ever been diving has to study a book for a week before they get in the water.

[1795] I didn't.

[1796] The morning of my first dive, I sat with a very hungover Philippe, and he went over the hand signals with me. This means I cannot breathe.

[1797] This means I have a love of air.

[1798] A love of air.

[1799] Okay, I'm underwater.

[1800] Oxygen is precious.

[1801] No, this means you are low of air.

[1802] Let's get it right, Frenchie.

[1803] And so anyway, every morning or every day his underwater flirting was outrageous.

[1804] He'd pushed me aside and be showing this girl around and I'm in the background.

[1805] Was this a girl you were with?

[1806] No, no, no, no, no, but she was my diving buddy.

[1807] Oh, okay.

[1808] It just worked out.

[1809] He didn't know that.

[1810] He knew.

[1811] He just fucking, you know, pushed me aside and, you know, because you're grouped up.

[1812] Yeah, and then so, like, he's saying shit to me throughout the week.

[1813] He just keeps fucking with me. Please.

[1814] We had all, like, talked about what we did.

[1815] It was a French, an English couple, Mark and Mara.

[1816] And they had lived in Paris for five years, so they spoke fluent French.

[1817] And so we all talked, and he was like a stock trader, and I told him that I was working for this Dutch travel TV show.

[1818] And so he keeps calling me, Mr. Television, please, Mr. Television, please.

[1819] Like anybody who's been diving, you know, you just touch those buttons.

[1820] Professional divers never used their hands in it.

[1821] They got perfect parallel.

[1822] And everything, Mr. Television, you're just yelling at me. and the morning that I almost died he was really a dick to me and I said look Philippe I got to tell you you're making me feel uncomfortable you know I got to trust you down there and he goes Mr. American have I hurt your feelings maybe the Archaida has asked me to leave your body in the ocean today and then this English guy Mark gets all you are out of order son it was his to him or to you to the French guy and it was this you know almost you know it was this really...

[1823] And the other guy was a...

[1824] He was defending me. But he was a resident as well.

[1825] I mean, he was a...

[1826] He was in the diving class.

[1827] There's four people in the class.

[1828] This English couple and me and this French chick, Helene.

[1829] And so we're paired up in two.

[1830] So you went in the water anyway, even after all this...

[1831] Well, yeah.

[1832] And then it was like this...

[1833] I'm getting water in my breathing.

[1834] Do you think you fucked with you?

[1835] I don't know.

[1836] You might have, though, right?

[1837] I mean, it just seems...

[1838] I don't think so.

[1839] They said there was something wrong with the tank.

[1840] And in retrospect, it was Russian roulette and I got the bad tank.

[1841] And And so my spare tube is getting water.

[1842] I'm hitting the button and I'm still getting water and your lungs don't want water.

[1843] And it was like, it wasn't that deep.

[1844] It was only like 40 feet.

[1845] Whatever.

[1846] But it was deep enough to be dangerous.

[1847] I knew you couldn't shoot up to the top.

[1848] And he's way ahead of me. And I swam to this French fuck as quick as I could.

[1849] And who'd have thought I ever would have got to use the I cannot breathe signal.

[1850] And he just seemed to really take his time getting me that extra respirator.

[1851] And by the time it hit my mouth, I had held my breath for so long.

[1852] I was just, this death bark came out of me. It was the sound of someone dying, and it came out of me. And I really thought this is the last moment of my life, seeing all these bubbles and this French guy's face.

[1853] And he got me to the top, obviously.

[1854] And then he asked to take, when we got back, he invited me to go into the little village and have a beer.

[1855] And I told him, you know, I learned troop.

[1856] buoyancy today, because it's all about true buoyancy and diving, you know.

[1857] I said, this morning when you said that shit about Al -Qaeda, I wanted you dead.

[1858] I hated your guts, but then you saved my life, and now all's forgiven.

[1859] I learned the true meaning of true buoyancy.

[1860] Oh, so then, like, later...

[1861] How did he respond to that?

[1862] He was okay with it, you know?

[1863] He was okay with it?

[1864] You know, it wasn't like a powerful moment between you guys?

[1865] I mean, he saved your fucking life.

[1866] Yeah, I mean, I think he was glad that I didn't die, because it would have cost him his job.

[1867] That's it?

[1868] And, you know, it was okay.

[1869] It was a nice moment.

[1870] Do you think he was a hardened dude?

[1871] You'd feel like this guy was a hardened guy.

[1872] He had been in prison in France.

[1873] There was a reason.

[1874] Really?

[1875] Yeah, he had like these homemade jailhouse tattoos.

[1876] And, you know, he was just a, you know, tough guy.

[1877] And I got back to the...

[1878] He was a douchebag.

[1879] He was a douchebag.

[1880] I got back to the resort, and by the water, there was this little tiki hut bar, and Helene was there, and she spoke forward.

[1881] words of English.

[1882] I spoke four words of French and I'm making small talk with her and I go so what's the first thing you're going to do when you get back to Bordeaux?

[1883] She goes, make love to my boyfriend.

[1884] He -he -he -he -he.

[1885] I'm like, oh, shit.

[1886] I didn't even have a chance with this girl.

[1887] I risked my life.

[1888] Jesus Christ.

[1889] What is the second thing you're going to do?

[1890] There is no second thing.

[1891] He -he -he -he -he.

[1892] Ew.

[1893] I almost died for you, whore.

[1894] Wow.

[1895] Do we try to impress her?

[1896] Is that why he went deep?

[1897] yeah you know when you're on vacation your mind plays tricks on you you're like oh yeah so you were on vacation with this girl but there was no no no no no no no no no no no I was doing this Hong Kong Thailand tour and I was working for the Dutch travel show and they told me if I got certified diving while I was in Thailand the next assignment they would send me to the Caribbean to for so I had two weeks off stayed on co -pp this wonderful little island way out in the Bay of Bengal you fly like an hour and a half from Bangkok to Phuket and then you take a boat for like four hours out into the Bay of Bengal before you get to the Pee -P islands.

[1898] Wow.

[1899] And it's where like around that area is where Leonardo DiCaprio did the beach.

[1900] A great movie.

[1901] I like that movie.

[1902] Was it really?

[1903] Yeah, I really liked that movie.

[1904] What was it about?

[1905] A guy almost drowned in the Thailand.

[1906] No, they were in Paris.

[1907] ice they don't want to leave yeah they swam to this island they found like these people that lived on this island and it was like a secret and then they it's you know it's just a it's a cool movie i like i tend to always like leonardo movies even though as gays it sounds but like basketball diaries inception like all those movies great match in the gas tank boom boom gilbert great what a great movie yeah did you see the j edgar hoover no i never saw that interesting not really that But, I mean, it's a really fascinating study on a guy who just had an incredible amount of power and kept it to the end, just clung on to it.

[1908] And it's, like, it's interesting to see the struggle and his weird problems, you know, accepting the fact that he was gay and really weird fucking guy, man. The fact that that guy, somehow or another, rose to the position of, like, the secret keeper in the world of politics.

[1909] Well, he fucking kind of creepy.

[1910] Yeah.

[1911] You know, the system was so shitty that this creepy cunt could fucking, he could be the one pulling everybody's strings.

[1912] Like, what did you do?

[1913] How did this guy get there?

[1914] They never offed him either.

[1915] He had secrets on everybody.

[1916] They never offed them, you know?

[1917] And it became, it must be madness at the end.

[1918] I must have been like this guy must have had shit stored all over the place for like secret instructions in case they killed them, in case he was in a plane crash or some shit.

[1919] All these manila envelopes get sent out.

[1920] Yeah, I mean, that's probably the only way to stay alive.

[1921] You got some secrets around people like that and some high order.

[1922] Well, apparently that's how like, that's how Putin rose to power.

[1923] Because he was in the KGB for years.

[1924] And apparently that's what I heard about Putin.

[1925] Really?

[1926] Is that he had shit on everybody.

[1927] He makes our fucking politicians look like such pussies.

[1928] He's always bare -chested fly fishing with a fucking sword tucked into his pants.

[1929] At least you see Obama without a shirt on, you know, have body surfing and Hawaii and stuff.

[1930] There's been shots of, you know, it's cool.

[1931] You know, you look, a guy looks like he could still kick a little ass.

[1932] I think Putin would fuck Obama.

[1933] You never see Romney with his shirt off.

[1934] You don't think that Putin would fuck Obama and Romney Rodney up at the same time.

[1935] Oh, my God, totally.

[1936] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1937] He would hip -toss the first guy, and after he hip -dossed the Mitt Romney Obama would panic.

[1938] He wouldn't know what to do.

[1939] Yeah, and he's a judo guy.

[1940] Black belt.

[1941] And, you know, he learned some deadly shit in the KGB.

[1942] You know, he's killed people with rocks.

[1943] Yeah.

[1944] You look at that guy's face.

[1945] That guy's killed people with rocks.

[1946] He's probably killed people with forks.

[1947] You know what I mean?

[1948] That's a motherfucker.

[1949] That's one of the craziest things about Russia is that that guy somehow, another, stays in power.

[1950] Still in power.

[1951] They have this weird thing where he, like, he wasn't in office anymore, but then he was like, he had another position.

[1952] He became the prime minister or something like that.

[1953] Yeah, but then he was like, you know, it's kind of still running shit.

[1954] Very strange.

[1955] Russia is a different world, man. How about Romney fucking up, pissing off all of England?

[1956] What did he do?

[1957] You didn't see that?

[1958] What?

[1959] He went, like, right before the Olympics.

[1960] He said he had seen some disconcerting, things that he was worried whether or not the London Olympics would be a success.

[1961] And pissed off David Cameron, the Prime Minister of England, he's in the Conservative Party, which you think that would be his ally.

[1962] They're more like the Republicans.

[1963] They're like the same kind of people.

[1964] Right.

[1965] And David Cameron, bitch, slapped him.

[1966] And he said London is one of the biggest, largest bustling cities in the world.

[1967] He said it's easy to put on an Olympics in the middle of nowhere, meaning Salt Lake City, you, Mitt Romney, punk, and just like bitch slapped him on the world stage.

[1968] I guess that's a bitch slap.

[1969] It's about the Olympics.

[1970] Who gives a fuck?

[1971] It seems silly.

[1972] What I think is a fascinating, really fascinating about this guy was he might not have paid taxes for 10 years.

[1973] Right.

[1974] And that I love that the Democrats are playing that old Republican dirty game There was always the Republicans did the dirty ads and shit.

[1975] And the Democrats, I love that ad where Romney's singing in America, the beautiful off key, and then he's got his money in the Bahamas and the Cayman Islands.

[1976] He cares so much about the United States that he keeps his money off for and short.

[1977] It becomes a problem, though, when you really accept the fact that the guy is a businessman.

[1978] I'm not saying that what he did wasn't unethical, but if it was legal, they're sort of obligated by their shareholders to do the things that profit them the most.

[1979] as long as it's within the legal parameters.

[1980] Right, but personal taxes.

[1981] There was a, on like POTUS, on serious, I heard a Romney speech like six months or, I don't know, whenever his taxes just came out, three months ago, whatever that was.

[1982] And some guys stood up at his speech and said, on your personal taxes, it says you've got $1 .6 million invested in foreign countries outside of the United States.

[1983] Why isn't that money being invested in the United States if you care so much about it?

[1984] And he goes, oh, well, I was unaware of that.

[1985] I'll have to look into that.

[1986] You know, if you're unaware of a million bucks.

[1987] One point six million fucking dollars.

[1988] That shit's ridiculous.

[1989] Yeah.

[1990] You know Romney's desperate because his new campaign slogan is Mitt Romney.

[1991] He's not the black guy.

[1992] Oh, how dare you, working material into the show?

[1993] How dare you, sir?

[1994] How dare you?

[1995] I think it's ridiculous.

[1996] I think this is the biggest shell game ever.

[1997] We're still playing it.

[1998] We're still suckers pretending there's a real, going on.

[1999] Same fucking companies are paying his campaign.

[2000] Obama.

[2001] There's a lot of cross campaigning.

[2002] You know, it's a bribery.

[2003] We've passed laws.

[2004] The Supreme Court has completely failed us and they've passed laws that allow these corporations to donate as much money as they like.

[2005] They act as an individual.

[2006] They can make massive donations and that affects law.

[2007] It was.

[2008] I think it, Will Durst?

[2009] Some comedian a few years ago said that politicians should be like race car drivers.

[2010] They should wear their corporate sponsors.

[2011] Yeah, that is hilarious.

[2012] I think that was Durst.

[2013] It might have been.

[2014] It sounds like him.

[2015] Yeah.

[2016] It's genius.

[2017] It is.

[2018] But it's true.

[2019] It's nonsense.

[2020] I mean, when you feel like Dr. Drew got paid, you know, over $100 ,000 for, I think it was more than that, $200 ,000 something thousand dollars to promote certain, certain antidepressants, to promote their off -shelf properties, like the fact that they make your hornier or something, they're better for sex.

[2021] Like, you hear that.

[2022] And you go, come on, really?

[2023] You can't trust anybody.

[2024] It can't trust anybody.

[2025] Is everybody getting paid off?

[2026] Everybody getting paid off?

[2027] As I hawk alpha brain the beginning of my podcast.

[2028] I swear to God I wouldn't hawk it if I didn't take it.

[2029] I just got a comment on my own.

[2030] Isn't there anybody who's not for sale?

[2031] My own hypocrisy.

[2032] I'll try to keep it as real as possible, ladies and gentlemen.

[2033] It's very difficult.

[2034] But that is real.

[2035] Alpha brain is real.

[2036] No diet for you.

[2037] No exercise.

[2038] No vitamins.

[2039] I just started doing the yoga.

[2040] I do vitamins.

[2041] Do you?

[2042] Multivitamins and shit.

[2043] Fish oil's the shit.

[2044] Take a lot of fish oil.

[2045] Yeah.

[2046] It's amazing.

[2047] Make your joints feel better.

[2048] I take fish oil and a multivitamin.

[2049] Do you count down the days until the singularity when you can download yourself or do a computer?

[2050] Are you thinking about that for the future?

[2051] What's that?

[2052] The singularity?

[2053] You don't know what you ever hear of Ray Kurzweil, any of that shit?

[2054] Uh -uh.

[2055] Futurists that believe that artificial technology or artificial intelligence, rather, is going to be the next stage of existence we're going to be able to download ourselves into machines nothing i figured that to me right up your alley somebody mentioned that to me the other day that this is we're living already in this this virtual world that there's some uh economist came out there's some some like secret computer code in the 40s then we're already living in this uh and i was like a simulation the same it's called simulation theory it's been what i've been talking about with my friends me and duncan get on the phone almost every other day and talk about simulation theory and so the thing is there's Duncan Truzzle that's who told me this oh there you go perfect that's who that that's who I was talking to it was Duncan who told me so perfect I was like wow shit I can't afford property in this this this world either he and I discuss this all the time and it's what it is is particle physicists I believe it was or whoever the fuck it was these string string theory guys they found some sort of very specific code in the nature of reality.

[2056] You know, like there's the Fibonacci sequence, and that's like what faces are designed certain ways, and sunflowers are designs it, this is called the Golden Ratio, I believe it's called.

[2057] Or is that pie.

[2058] Whatever it is.

[2059] The Fibonacci sequence is a number sequence that exists in everything.

[2060] It exists in pine cones, sunflower seeds, the way the petals of a flower blossom, the way the branches of a tree, it's all to a very specific mathematical code.

[2061] It's amazing.

[2062] It's amazing when you really stop and look at the fact that, wow, this might really be some crazy one -and -zero program, you know?

[2063] But Duncan is obsessed with it, as am I. We talk about it every day.

[2064] It sounds, I mean, people get pissed.

[2065] We talk about it so much on the podcast because it becomes like almost a repetitive topic, but it's still fascinating.

[2066] Still, to me, I can talk about it 100 days in a row, and it still fucking tweaks my head.

[2067] Because it's going to be real someday.

[2068] Someday, if, look, if you believe that TVs didn't used to exist at one point in time and someone invented it, That mind -blowing change is just one step in an infinite process of constant technological reinvention, innovation, new shit, constantly coming down an ever -escalating pace.

[2069] If one day we can envision virtual reality, we easily could be in it already.

[2070] Why would, you mean, you're not going to know.

[2071] That would suck.

[2072] If you wanted to live this fake life and, you know, you would have like tabs to quit x here you know like little floating tabs in your life where you could put you would never think about the life being real anymore you wouldn't even really like it or appreciate it you can't have the tabs you can't have a way out it's it's all in it's all in the simulation or not or not you know maybe it's just horseshit maybe it's just hippie nonsense while you wait for the end she about that kid that got shot in the back seat of a car the cops he was handcuffed him and shot him in the head they said he shot himself yeah yeah is that the one in the name Anaheim?

[2073] No, this is a new one.

[2074] The Anaheim, they've got fucking military in the street arresting people, shooting rubber bullets at people, arresting people.

[2075] It's crazy.

[2076] They're wearing camouflage.

[2077] It's real bizarre.

[2078] It seems very strange.

[2079] When you see them, there's a whole different thing when you see them wearing like this Iraq desert military camouflage.

[2080] Like, why is, why are you wearing desert camouflage in Anaheim?

[2081] Right.

[2082] What the fuck is?

[2083] The happiest place in the world, that's why.

[2084] But it's almost like you're wearing your gang colors.

[2085] you're letting everybody know like this is the military you know this is this is our gang collar we'll wear like sand camouflage right well I think it's the future I when I lived in Amsterdam I guess 2002 when the second Iraq war was just about to start there was this massive anti -war protest on museum plane this big piece of green grass by the museums Museum Square and all these people like thousands of people were there and from every direction at one point like it was some people started throwing bottles there was a few you know knucklehead hooligans who were throwing bottles and then all of the sudden from every direction of this massive square about the size of a football field so you got like six different streets coming into this rectangular big grass area and from all six directions these and I've never seen vehicles like this in my life these like these gray military vehicles came busting in and everybody's just running like rats like tank looking things like tank looking things and they had water cannons on the top and these water cannons were like just spraying people and shooting them knocking people down like you know Alabama in the 60s Birmingham you know fire hoses on people and I was like wow that's the future where they can just come in with these military vehicles and just spray people they don't even have to kill them just you know what the fuck though really yeah and in amsterdam that's crazy so amsterdam's a nutty -ass fucking place they have the best kickboxers uh pretty much ever like right even better than the tie guys because they're bigger people you know i mean if you wanted to compare it like the ties certainly have the more skilled practitioners but they're really lighter guys But they've had guys that have done really well and gone over there from Amsterdam, even the lighter weights to compete and beat in the ties.

[2086] But Amsterdam is super famous for kickbox.

[2087] Holland in general, super famous for kickboxing.

[2088] One area developed like some of the best kickboxers of all time.

[2089] All the big top name heavyweights, a huge amount of them came from Holland.

[2090] Nice.

[2091] Remy Bonchowski, Ernesto Hust.

[2092] It's also one of the world's largest banking entities.

[2093] Is it really?

[2094] Yeah.

[2095] And that's the ultimate trick that the Dutch do is they want people to think it's all marijuana and tulips over there and prostitutes.

[2096] But, you know, like the Rolling Stones and U -2, I think Coca -Cola, all these, like, corporations are based there.

[2097] The Elvis Presley estate.

[2098] So they can get these, you know, low tax rates and stuff.

[2099] What kind of low tax rates are we talking about?

[2100] I don't know.

[2101] Like Mitt Romney low?

[2102] Time to move.

[2103] Time to move to Amsterdam.

[2104] It gets cold there, dude.

[2105] Gets cold there, dude.

[2106] It gets cold there.

[2107] But when global warming kicks in, that might be the spot.

[2108] Yeah.

[2109] When the oceans start to rise, right?

[2110] Well, and that's the thing.

[2111] It's underwater.

[2112] It's the lowlands.

[2113] And that's why they have canals.

[2114] So if the oceans rise, Holland will be non -existent.

[2115] Have you seen the satellite images of Greenland?

[2116] Greenland for the first time has no snow on it.

[2117] Well.

[2118] Look at this.

[2119] See, pull that shit up, Brian.

[2120] It's ridiculous.

[2121] They haven't had this happen since like the 1800s, I don't think.

[2122] Greenland, and they're saying this is like one of the best signs that there really is some sort of global warming catastrophe that's about to have on?

[2123] Well, if it already happened a couple hundred years ago, and that just means it's like, oh, it's just happened again?

[2124] Well, the idea is it is going to happen again, but we're going to have to figure out how to move around it.

[2125] Like, look, did you see the pictures?

[2126] I'm looking at it right here.

[2127] So you go to Google image, the first image shows you.

[2128] the extent of the surface melt it's pretty fucking crazy because Greenland is pretty much all covered in ice did you see the first one if you go to Google image just Google Greenland melted just Greenland melted and yeah the first one the first one there look at that that's what it used to look like on the left that's what it looks like now on the right there's no snow that's crazy I mean that's it's really hard to wrap your fucking head around man and I don't think that happens very often I think the idea is that that is pretty fucking rare I like what the people in Iceland they named Greenland Greenland and Iceland Iceland so the Vikings would attack Greenland and not Iceland Really?

[2129] Yeah did they really?

[2130] Yeah because Iceland is actually the greener area is Iceland nice and Greenland is more ice and stuff I've never been there but Iceland But apparently they named it that way you know, to trick the Vikings so they wouldn't come up and rape their women.

[2131] That's hilarious.

[2132] But Iceland is the place...

[2133] How cold is Iceland yet?

[2134] I have no idea.

[2135] What just happened in Iceland?

[2136] Something just happened there, right?

[2137] They are the bankers.

[2138] They're holding them accountable.

[2139] Yes.

[2140] There's that trial there.

[2141] Yeah.

[2142] And it doesn't get much media coverage in the United States because we don't want to give our citizens the idea that we should try bankers that fucking collapsed our system.

[2143] They also had the Volcanoes Act.

[2144] Yeah, yeah, that was like a year or two ago and all this volcanic ash went all over Europe and they had to cancel flights and stuff.

[2145] Yeah, did you see that?

[2146] It was crazy.

[2147] It was a big dark cloud over it, yeah.

[2148] It's like they were driving in volcanic snow.

[2149] So they're holding the bankers accountable.

[2150] That's what's going on over there?

[2151] A few of them, yeah, are on trial.

[2152] Oh, man. Yeah, it's like you have to almost have to be a small European country to figure out how to do it completely correctly.

[2153] It's like when you become as big as the United States is.

[2154] It's like small European countries are really like states.

[2155] And it's like Texas could probably be fine if it was left on its own.

[2156] You know, I mean, that's essentially how Europe is.

[2157] There's European countries that are smaller than Texas.

[2158] They're the only ones that can really get it together.

[2159] Like, fucking control the state.

[2160] I think there's just a lot of people that don't give a shit in this country.

[2161] And that was what I found refreshing about the Occupy movement, it was like, wow, it was good to see that, you know, some people in this country are passionate enough to get out and protest.

[2162] Well, the youth, the people that don't have a lot invested already in the system.

[2163] The real problem is once people can invest in the system and they have a mortgage and they have children to feed, credit card debt, student loans, boom, you're sucked in with your lease, your car payment, you're sucked in and you got to continue to at least feed, you know, your portion of the system.

[2164] So that's all your motivation and energy's gone.

[2165] Eight hours a day, you're gone.

[2166] Eight hours a day, at least five days a week, six if you have any ambition at all, you piece of shit.

[2167] And that's you, that's your life.

[2168] And what are you going to do for the route?

[2169] You got a couple hours left of the day where you're going to eat and catch your breath and jerk off and really probably barely get to the gym.

[2170] You know, I mean, there's no revolution time.

[2171] So when you get these kids and they're, you know, 18 years old, and they've got no future, and they're looking at the future, and they're like, you know what?

[2172] I saw this one kid that actually said that.

[2173] He was like, I'm joining a revolution.

[2174] He goes, I realized that I can't enter into a system that I have no faith in.

[2175] So right at a college, I'm just joining a revolution.

[2176] And I'm going to be a part of this movement.

[2177] Hopefully it's not the Pepsi Revolution.

[2178] I don't think that's what he was talking about.

[2179] But, you know, you look at, you know, people in the 60s and 70s, they stopped Vietnam, and there was...

[2180] Not really.

[2181] It took a long -ass fucking time, and they had no other way to justify it anymore.

[2182] And they stopped something that they created under false pretenses.

[2183] They created a war.

[2184] They faked a fucking incident to drag us into it.

[2185] Right, but that goes back to the Spanish -American War.

[2186] There was an incident in the Havana Harbor in Cuba.

[2187] In Cuba, Spain had Cuba and the Philippines, and we said that some ship had been attacked of ours.

[2188] I think it was the Bismarck What year was this?

[2189] We've always done it, right?

[2190] And then so, yeah, and then so we went to war with Spain and we got Cuba and the Philippines.

[2191] Well, the really loony -tuny people believe that this kid in Colorado is a government plant.

[2192] I heard that.

[2193] Well, did you see the photos of, like, looking at his nose from the original photo they posted, like his nose is, like, really thin?

[2194] And then his, like, recent pictures, he's got, like, a spread -out nose that looks completely different, and they're saying, like, his ears don't match, the old photo and like all this weird stupid stuff.

[2195] It's ridiculous.

[2196] I looked at the photos.

[2197] I'm like, this is just the first, they're not, these aren't crystal clear photos.

[2198] Like sometimes in photos, things are odd.

[2199] And he's smiling in one.

[2200] Your nose kind of stretches.

[2201] My nose flares.

[2202] But the idea is that he was somehow another brainwashed and sent in there by the government so that they could take away our guns.

[2203] This is the, this is the narrative, is that, you know, from the really extreme Alex Jones type individuals.

[2204] Right.

[2205] Who believe that the government is constantly plotting to take away your guns and slowly and you know he's he's right more than he's wrong unfortunately Alex Jones thank God there isn't Alex Jones I love the fact that there's this guy who is stirring up things and he's he's he's lifting up stones and saying let's look under there you know yeah but he's finding like ghost worms and shit yeah I mean some of it's wacky but I I appreciate Alex Jones I like what he's doing I do too you know and we we both know him you know he's a great guy.

[2206] He's a great guy.

[2207] I love hanging out with him.

[2208] He's a great guy.

[2209] He actually just sent me a text today.

[2210] I'm not name dropping of nothing, but I'm like that with Alex Jones.

[2211] I look at any text that comes from him.

[2212] I'm like, hello, government.

[2213] For sure you're reading this one.

[2214] You're not going to get anything too interesting out of me, but Alex Jones might send you some interesting stuff.

[2215] He'll uncover everything constantly all day, every day, and never take days off.

[2216] But he, he believes.

[2217] I know.

[2218] How does he come up with all this information?

[2219] That's incredible.

[2220] Well, the internet, he's got a whole crew of people working for him in Austin.

[2221] He's got a whole big office staff full of young killers, young people that are hungry and want to be down with the cause, and they're all working with him.

[2222] He's not an empire now.

[2223] Alex Jones has a gigantic, like, sort of underground media empire.

[2224] He couldn't be doing any better than he's doing.

[2225] I mean, the more and more his shit comes out and turns out to be true, the more people just are at least paying attention to him.

[2226] You might not believe with everything he has to say, because sometimes he does go deep, but at least they're paying attention to him.

[2227] Because he's, you know, did you see the shit that he predicted about, or there was a video called 911 Road to Tyranny?

[2228] Mm -mm.

[2229] And he had, he showed how governments have created chaos in sort of in peaceful situations in order to allow the police and riot gears to come in and clear out peaceful demonstrations.

[2230] And I had never thought that that was real.

[2231] I never, I thought like, that's crazy.

[2232] But he showed it and it showed evidence.

[2233] They have photographs of these people wearing military -grade boots, these cops that were dressed up like hooligans that would smash windows.

[2234] And they were like sent in there, employees of the federal government sent in there to cause havoc and wreck private property so that they could bring in cops and close down the peaceful protests of the World Trade Organization.

[2235] And it's nuts.

[2236] You're watching and you go, well, you can't deny this.

[2237] This is something you can't deny.

[2238] Like this is what these are the facts.

[2239] Those guys did do that.

[2240] the cops did negotiate with them they were released no charges were filed they really did break up the protest they really did stop people from wearing pins that's that had protests on them they had a WTO with a red line on it and they established a line where you could not come through with that pin on they established a no protesting line even in what you were wearing that's that's some communist fucking North Korea type shit man you can't even have a WTO pin with a red line through it I have to like say even though I'm saying nothing I have to subscribe to your ideology or I can't get through I can't even protest in a form of a pin that's that that is the most dangerous mind the most dangerous mindset that our government could ever have that you can't even just have a red line through this idea of a WTO I can't get to work I can't go into my room really Alex Jones he uncovered all that shit so for people that don't believe in I'm like There's a lot of stuff that guy gets that's right.

[2241] Right.

[2242] Unisputable.

[2243] The fucking, the Oklahoma City shit, that's some of the scariest stuff ever, man. When he goes deep into the mysteries behind Oklahoma City, the damage that was done by that fertilizer bomb, the video of the FBI pulling unblown bombs out of the building.

[2244] It's crazy.

[2245] It's crazy.

[2246] Conspiracies are nuts, man. It's such a mind -fuck to think there's so many people out there conspiring to do creepy shit and you've got to like break each one down you know decades later still try to figure out who killed Kennedy how fuck do they do it what a half you know Oklahoma City no fertilizer bomb could do that kind of damage you know could mind fuck you into a state of paralysis where you can't get anything done where all you do is thinking about thermite in 9 -11 you know fucking thermite cut through these beams and how did Tower 7 fall man how did Tower 7 fall you could lose your whole life in that shit.

[2247] Right.

[2248] But then again, you know, someone's got to bring it up.

[2249] Right?

[2250] Keep these bastards on their toes, Joe.

[2251] Does it work?

[2252] Does it work?

[2253] Does it work, Tom Rose?

[2254] I don't know.

[2255] Do you think, is there anything that is going to keep tyranny on its toes other than exposing it, other than information?

[2256] I think as we lose all of our privacy, that's what's eventually going to take.

[2257] That's the thing.

[2258] I think it's naturally going to happen because it's just so hard to keep things suppressed anymore.

[2259] Yeah, it's hard to fuck.

[2260] people over when everybody's going to know everything that everybody's doing all the time that's what the reality is the future is going to have no privacy yeah just twitter alone fucking destroy that joe rogan's at the olive garden with an asian girl you how to say it you motherfucker olive garden you son of a bitch seven seven seven brian is on an asian kick lately when you reference a girl it's always an asian girl any any bit you have so they were there with an asian girl i'm trying new asian material i know it's all everything is all asian these days the kid's wacky I have this new theory that I told you about the other day, and I talked about it more last night with a couple other people, about how my friend, she's Japanese, and I've been trying to talk as if I'm talking Japanese, like doing my impersonation of a Japanese person.

[2261] So I'm going like, like, and then every couple sentences, she goes, oh, you just said a real word.

[2262] You said, you know, Apple, or you said taco, and I'm like, wow, that's weird.

[2263] I wonder if like I do Chinese, if I'm like, dung, dong, gong, and they're like, you know, that's Apple, you know, that you just said a real Chinese word.

[2264] And that's just our impersonation of that, you know, almost our racist version of what we think they sound like, but yet there's some truth to it.

[2265] And so then I asked my Asian friend, I'm like, what do people that don't speak English, like what's their version of an English person?

[2266] Is it just like, you know, like is it our retard sound or something?

[2267] Well, don't you remember that song?

[2268] Do you remember that song that the Italian guy had put out?

[2269] He was a famous Italian singer, and he put out a song that was his version of, like, us doing Italian.

[2270] Like, I don't know how to speak Italian.

[2271] So if I was like, if I was making up words, that's what he did, but he did it in what American sounds to him.

[2272] Pull that up, man. It's, I think it's how the American language sounds.

[2273] Here, I'll Google it real quick.

[2274] I think as Tom Rhodes, got a little baby bladder.

[2275] Look at that.

[2276] A huge cocaine addiction.

[2277] How American English sounds.

[2278] Yeah.

[2279] Sounds to foreigners.

[2280] How American English, that's it.

[2281] What American English sounds to foreigners?

[2282] And then go to videos.

[2283] Foreigners, here we go to videos.

[2284] And you see the top one.

[2285] There's a black and white one.

[2286] Click on that shit.

[2287] That's this guy.

[2288] It's really a badass song.

[2289] Joey Diaz got mad.

[2290] I think we, yeah, I think maybe.

[2291] Yeah, turn it up.

[2292] with a song with some of the strange words that don't They're not going Here it goes You're the cold may say one Freezing call in Einstein's use all All right These are all fake words This is actually pretty badass That's fucking bad ass It's fucking badass What is this Italian?

[2293] Yeah, it's no, it's not, it's gibberish It's him trying to do No, what is this Italian television?

[2294] His version His version would America sound like.

[2295] That's so crazy.

[2296] You know this.

[2297] This is a cool, hoble.

[2298] This is a cool, man. These bitches are hot as fuck.

[2299] Yeah, that's not...

[2300] It's a smart move, man. Just put a bunch of hot bitches dancing.

[2301] Right.

[2302] Great production.

[2303] This is the cool part.

[2304] They actually had, like, lyrics.

[2305] What is this dude's name?

[2306] Adriano.

[2307] Salatano.

[2308] Yeah, he was a, apparently, he was a famous guy in Italy.

[2309] It's pretty badass.

[2310] Yeah, that's really cool, and that's exactly what I was talking about.

[2311] Like, I didn't really know if that even existed, because, you know, you always hear the, like, on TV and stuff.

[2312] You always hear, like, the version of a Chinese person or, you know, and Africans just a bunch of clicking noises and stuff.

[2313] Yeah.

[2314] But, like, you don't know what English sounds like.

[2315] And it makes me wonder, like, you could tell that he had a couple words in there that were, like, all right and stuff like that.

[2316] But it's really weird trying to play that game and trying to find Japanese, like, words.

[2317] Like, I've almost made it a game where I'm just like, all right, I may do this.

[2318] Kalyo, oh, you know, and then she'll be like, oh, you just said good morning and shoelaces.

[2319] And I'm like, wow, that's so weird.

[2320] It makes me almost wonder if it's somewhere built in your brain that you actually know it.

[2321] No, you're getting lucky and make it up fake words.

[2322] There's only a certain amount of Chinese sounds you can make with your mouth.

[2323] That's funny.

[2324] Yeah, well, the language is very bizarre that, like, the Germans have such an...

[2325] You know, it's like, what causes these different, like, harsh sounds?

[2326] Right, and, like, France is, you know, borders it, and it's, they speak a different language completely.

[2327] Yeah.

[2328] It's incredible.

[2329] Yeah, it's bizarre.

[2330] When she speaks Japanese to you, is it kind of trippy?

[2331] Yeah, it's super weird.

[2332] It's kind of hot, right?

[2333] It's crazy.

[2334] I think...

[2335] Yorishi?

[2336] Yorishi?

[2337] Are you happy?

[2338] Yeah.

[2339] If you were going to learn a language, that's a rough one.

[2340] Just getting into the character thing again.

[2341] Anything Spanish or semi -European, probably be fairly easy for us to wrap our heads around.

[2342] And then all these different countries I've gone to have asked people, how do you say, are you happy?

[2343] Like in Dutch, it's Benjolok.

[2344] In Japanese, it's Yorishi?

[2345] I think it's the one question I want to ask people when I'm in a different country.

[2346] It's a good question.

[2347] Are you happy?

[2348] Did you learn Dutch when you lived in Holland?

[2349] Uh, Klein Beecham, Manir, uh, Hail Moynavant, huh?

[2350] I don't know what that means.

[2351] Just asking a question.

[2352] You don't got to get fucking...

[2353] No, not, not fluently.

[2354] I just know basic, like, cordial things.

[2355] But you were living there, right?

[2356] Did you feel the need?

[2357] Like, you know?

[2358] They are really strict on brown -skinned foreigners learning the language.

[2359] If you're white, I guess they're not as strict.

[2360] Brown -skinned foreigners, they don't want to learn dutch?

[2361] Yeah, like a lot of Moroccan people.

[2362] live there and they are really tough on them and you've got to learn the language but yeah no I got by oh I see what you're saying so they hold them more accountable they hold dark skin immigrants more accountable than a Moroccan's like known to be like wild is that the deal?

[2363] Well it's interesting their breakdown they're kind of like our American black youth where they get blamed for everything the teenage boys get blamed for all the crime and um uh it's you know uh they're you know typical gang bangers but it's it's like immediate perception they get uh they're the they're the um shit on people there do you know who bader harry is you ever heard of him famous holland guy he's a kickboxer like one of the best kickboxes in the world keeps getting is a Moroccan guy keeps getting arrested for beating people up outside he's like heavyweight kickboxing champion and fucks people up on the street nice Oh, him fucking people, I meant nice to him.

[2364] I meant nice that he's such a great fighter.

[2365] And then he's from Holland and then he's Moroccan.

[2366] But it's a Moroccans are known to be wild folks?

[2367] No, I mean, you know, they get kind of blamed for crime and things there.

[2368] But yeah, there's some Moroccans that are badasses.

[2369] Did you feel overall safer there here?

[2370] I had like a dream existence there.

[2371] You know, I lived there for a love story first and then I was on television for a few years.

[2372] And I really got to experience Dutch culture, like even a lot of Dutch people don't.

[2373] Like, I had this magic passport on the country.

[2374] My favorite thing about the talk show was every episode I would make a five -minute film on Dutch culture, where I would get to experience something of Dutch culture.

[2375] Like, I spent a day with a Dutch farmer once.

[2376] I walked into an electric fence.

[2377] He said, look out for the electric fence in Dutch.

[2378] I don't speak Dutch.

[2379] I got to go to the...

[2380] What did that feel like?

[2381] Oh, it was an eye -opener.

[2382] Yeah, it was jolting.

[2383] I got to cover the prime minister debates.

[2384] I was down on the floor talking to the prime minister.

[2385] And they did it in English?

[2386] Well, I mean, their debates were in Dutch.

[2387] I mean, I was there with a press pass after the debates.

[2388] I got to ask questions.

[2389] But I was given, you know, all these different tours of the Red Light District by a former prostitute that did a lot of social work for, you know, prostitutes so they get their health care and pay their taxes and stuff.

[2390] so I had this really magical experience here I did actually date a Moroccan woman there for a while and it was interesting because she was a really developed European girl but to her strict Muslim family she was a different person like she put on an act she could go out with me and you know have drinks and get a freak on do you know non -Muslim activities but in front of her family and so she could never tell her family about me because honor killings.

[2391] Honor killings, really?

[2392] Yeah, and I told her once.

[2393] I said, you know, why, you know, you can't you tell your family about me?

[2394] And she said, well, I'm protecting you.

[2395] She goes, I got some crazy cousins.

[2396] I don't know what they're capable of.

[2397] That's some dangerous pussy Tom Rhodes.

[2398] Did you feel that sense of danger while you're in that?

[2399] Did you feel that?

[2400] No, she was.

[2401] But that was a very typical, a very typical.

[2402] Dutch story that this, you know, Moroccan girl is, you know, she's raised in Europe.

[2403] She's a very liberal, open -minded person, but to her strict religious family, she was a different person.

[2404] Those are the last holdouts.

[2405] Those folks that want people to stick with their religion or stick with their race, those are the last holdouts of a dying generation of people that didn't want to assimilate.

[2406] I think once we achieve the next level of assimilation with technology, you know, whatever it is, Whatever's coming that's going to make Twitter look like, you know, look like fucking sketches written on a wall somewhere as opposed to HD definition television, you know, whatever the next thing that's going to be.

[2407] My wife is from Holland, but she's Indian.

[2408] Do you think that languages eventually will evolve to one language?

[2409] I mean, is that...

[2410] Well, I think we hit the lottery as far as languages goes, especially if you're a comedian, there's all these great gigs all over the world.

[2411] And English is the language of business, the way 300 years ago, the worldwide language of business was French.

[2412] If you had a global business, you had to do your stuff in French.

[2413] Now it's English.

[2414] Could you imagine, though, if the world spoke in one?

[2415] I mean, that's the whole idea about the Tower of Babel, right?

[2416] It was designed that way to confuse us, to keep us from progressing.

[2417] They gave us all a bunch of different languages.

[2418] We all got baffled.

[2419] We went off in separate ways, and we couldn't communicate with each other.

[2420] I'll tell you what's weird is a friend of mine, I know a few deaf people and I was asking them is sign language universal and no sign language is different in Australia than it is in America or what do you think that sign language for deaf people would be universal do you think the one benefit of being deaf would be you could talk to a deaf person in China or that it was all the same but apparently they're different all over there's what a pain in the dick sign language what are what are their books like braille did they ever have books they ever have books it's just signs just hands together just the images yeah I wonder that's a good it's the whole idea that human beings communicate so very differently all over the world so it's very strange I wondered when Google Translate came out if that was really going to have a significant impact on how we understand each other but it still is so garbled you ever like try to convert Portuguese to English.

[2421] I love that that on the computer, on my Mac, there's that little language converter.

[2422] It's nice, but it's still clunky.

[2423] It is a little clunky, but I've got cousins in Argentina.

[2424] My mother's from Buenos Aires.

[2425] Oh, yeah?

[2426] And I've been down there like three times, and a lot of them don't speak English, and I'm friends with them on Facebook.

[2427] And they'll send me messages that are in English, the little choppy, broken English.

[2428] Oh, that's cool.

[2429] I know they put it into the language converter, and then I'll be able to write them back, you know, a little message and do the same.

[2430] When I was in Brazil and copy paste that bad boy.

[2431] Dudes would talk to you that way.

[2432] If they wanted to talk to you in Brazil, they would have a Google translate.

[2433] So they would cite something in Portuguese and then put it in and then hold it up to you.

[2434] Genius.

[2435] Yeah, it was amazing.

[2436] It was cool.

[2437] That's the future.

[2438] It's like somewhere it's going to be like, wasn't there a movie once where a guy would talk to you in a foreign language and it would convert it right in front of you into your ear?

[2439] That's the next shit.

[2440] Right.

[2441] That is the next shit.

[2442] Have you seen these note applications on iPhones where you talk into it.

[2443] Oh.

[2444] Let's see something crazy.

[2445] Let's see it.

[2446] Check this shit out because this is amazing.

[2447] It's almost unbelievable.

[2448] It works so quickly that it doesn't seem like it's real.

[2449] You press the thing.

[2450] Like you want to have a thing.

[2451] There's a little microphone right there.

[2452] And I just press that.

[2453] And I go, Tom Rhodes is a bad motherfucker.

[2454] And immediately.

[2455] Cool.

[2456] Look at that.

[2457] That's awesome.

[2458] That's incredible.

[2459] And it spells it all right.

[2460] It capitalizes your name.

[2461] Nice.

[2462] So if you ever have any ideas, if you're in your car, you don't have to, like, pull over and write anything down, you just press a button and start talking.

[2463] It's great.

[2464] It's fucking sick.

[2465] It's like Michael Keaton and Night Shift.

[2466] Yeah.

[2467] How much...

[2468] Ideas to eliminate garbage.

[2469] How much time do you spend writing?

[2470] How much time do you spend, like, working on your act and, you know?

[2471] I'm always adding little things.

[2472] You know, I just did an hour special, and I just came out with a new CD.

[2473] So now I got to, you know, come up with a whole new thing.

[2474] So next year, I'm going to do a different approach.

[2475] I'm going to do less road stuff.

[2476] I, like, totally overbooked this year.

[2477] And I'm going to work less next year on just do, you know, world road stuff that I like the best.

[2478] San Francisco, London, you know, Atlanta, Sydney.

[2479] But I'm going to stay in California as much as I can next year and just, like, do, you know, short sets and work on.

[2480] coming up with the whole new next thing yeah um i'm uh i'm in that face right now too i'm constantly working on new shit i mean we do a lot shows here at the ice house that's what i'm psyched that you're performing here this weekend the places of shit and uh we'll get that place packed if you want if you want to go there go to icehouse comedy dot com and come see tom roads you're uh you're the real deal you're out there fucking making it happen tom roads anytime you ever want to come back on this podcast man i love you man it's so great to see you and uh yeah if i'm going to be spending more time here i'd love to hang out more in your hippie dead fuck yeah dude we would love to have you you know come and do these shows these Wednesday and Friday shows are perfect for fucking around and trying out new material the audiences are amazing thank you everybody that came out last night because it was fucking sick we had like a three hour show it was nuts I mean it started out it was Brody Stevens first of all Tony Hinchcliffe is hilarious that kid is a really good host man he's really smooth and Joey Diaz went up Dom Irera went up, Doug Benson went up, Iko went up.

[2481] Ian Edwards.

[2482] Ian Edwards went up.

[2483] I mean, it was amazing.

[2484] Burbank Bad Boy, Brian.

[2485] The Burbank Bed Band Band Band Band Band.

[2486] The Burbank Bed Pan.

[2487] Yeah.

[2488] Thank you, everybody, for all the positive tweets and all the messages.

[2489] And thank you all these people that came to the shows.

[2490] Look, everywhere we go, we meet people that love this podcast.

[2491] And believe us, we have a, we feel a. massive feeling of obligation unquestionably we will keep this thing going we we owe it to you guys now we started this weird thing i don't know where it's going but uh but we're having a good time so we appreciate the fuck out all you thank you to alienware for hook us up with these badass laptops check out this bitch look at that thing that's 18 inches sun you can't even get crazy than that and it does like nutty graphics it's got two two video cards s allied go to alienware m ms on twitter follow them they support a lot of mhmai fighters so we we try to support them and thank you to on it dot com what are you doing you're getting crazy you're getting crafty thank you to on it dot com oh n i t makers of alpha brain shroom tech sport shroom tech immune and uh coming next week next tuesday the hemp force the hemp protein shake is uh is launching and that stuff is the shit natural it's all um natural sweeteners with stevia it's got cocoa in it all the information will be available on onit dot com go check it out to buy supplements use the code name rogan say yourself 10 % the kettlebells and the battle ropes you cannot use the code name on that because we're selling them literally as cheap as you can it's the highest quality calabell you can buy they're made by troy but essentially it's very expensive to send cannonballs through the fucking mail so um go get some go get it get on it use the code name rogan save yourself some money all right somebody saved me this fucking podcast is over i can't stop talking check out brodie stevens enjoy it august 6 it's on hbo go download all of them and we're in there somewhere i think and under underscore Tom Rhodes on Twitter.

[2492] We've got to do something about that.

[2493] For that other Tom Rhodes, it's going to be getting mad tweets today saying your stories, man, were awesome.

[2494] Was that stand -up comic?

[2495] Beep, beep.

[2496] We won't give that guy up, but we should give that guy up, but we won't give that guy up.

[2497] Don't do it.

[2498] Ladies and gentlemen, the future is near.

[2499] It's closing in on you.

[2500] Suck it up.

[2501] Move forward.

[2502] Big kiss.

[2503] Big love.

[2504] Word salad.