Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend XX
[0] Hi, my name is Randall Park, and I feel it's neither here nor there about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.
[1] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.
[2] Because I can tell that we are going to be friends.
[3] Hey there.
[4] Welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.
[5] This is Conan O 'Brien.
[6] What are you giggling about already?
[7] Because you tried to play the school marm and shut us up right before this began.
[8] And Sona and I are snickering away.
[9] Yeah.
[10] Sona wouldn't stop talking.
[11] And we needed to get the show started.
[12] And here's the problem.
[13] Sona, when she's talking a lot and you want her to maybe talk a little less for that we can get something done.
[14] Okay.
[15] Hold it.
[16] Listen.
[17] Listen, he's got his hand.
[18] He always, he always changes the narrative to make himself look more reasonable.
[19] You go nuclear.
[20] You change the narrative to make yourself look more reasonable.
[21] You've done this every single time.
[22] I'm a reasonable man. You're a criminal.
[23] You're an absolute criminal.
[24] And you need to be killed.
[25] Well, listen.
[26] That's how we brought you here today.
[27] Do you notice the plastic on the floor?
[28] I do.
[29] I feel like Joe Pesciam.
[30] Oh, shit.
[31] Blam!
[32] I, well, I'll tell you what was going on before we started even recording today.
[33] We got into a big heated discussion.
[34] It feels like there's a generation gap.
[35] There is.
[36] Matt Goreley and I both love to talk about things from the 60s, 70s, 80s, and Sona, you, and not just you, but also Eduardo and Adam, you're all from a different generation.
[37] And you're constantly saying, what the hell are they talking about?
[38] Yeah.
[39] And so this, I need to address this because this venture, this podcast, I worry, are we alienating people with our old references?
[40] Or bringing everybody in because as we've discussed on this podcast before, we're almost all exactly 10 years apart in three different generations, millennial, Generation X and Boomer.
[41] Yeah.
[42] So we're covering all bases, but.
[43] You guys, it's not that you're talking about your generation either.
[44] You're talking about things older than you too.
[45] Like, you're talking about things from the 60s, but you were born in the 60s.
[46] So I know you didn't watch that stuff in the 60s when it aired.
[47] You like went back and did that and that's what you did too.
[48] So it's cheating.
[49] It's not cheating.
[50] My generation and Matt's generation.
[51] Here's how we're different.
[52] We're somewhat aware of things that happened before we were alive.
[53] Reading about them.
[54] Let's attack my generation and every generation after.
[55] For you, for you, everything that happened before 19.
[56] 97 doesn't exist.
[57] How do you even educate yourself with things that are going on now?
[58] Sure.
[59] See, that's the thing.
[60] You won't go forward and you won't go backward.
[61] I'm in the middle playing Rover.
[62] I speak both your languages.
[63] No, you don't, Matt.
[64] No, you don't.
[65] Hey, get what I listen to?
[66] Tomogachi, Pokemon.
[67] I know what's happening.
[68] What?
[69] Sailor Moon.
[70] No, you're equally.
[71] You guys are equally as guilty.
[72] No. I do try, I do try to understand the new music.
[73] I do try, this morning I was listening.
[74] The new music.
[75] You know the new music.
[76] How about the new way people speak about things?
[77] I dig your new sound, cat.
[78] I bought a, this is painful.
[79] I bought a record this morning.
[80] I'm with Sona on this one.
[81] Yeah, thank you.
[82] This is how you guys are.
[83] If you have time.
[84] Excuse me. I'm the guy who last summer went with my daughter to Coachella, checked out Japanese breakfast this morning I'm listening to Wet Legg I think they're terrific I'm trying I'm making an effort but also I know that America had a civil war from 1860 and you can I say know about the Goonies Yeah I do And you know I'm with you on the Goonies I love the Goon I love the good But here's the thing with you too It's like okay I know what the Civil War is I know what happened You're like on this date exactly at this time This cannon was shot And then that happened Why do you need to know all of that?
[85] Like, why can't I just know big picture stuff?
[86] You're like, you should know what happened on this date 400 years ago.
[87] Like, nobody knows that stuff, you know?
[88] Maybe I'm wrong.
[89] I guess I should.
[90] Oh, no, I didn't expect it to go that way.
[91] People who can do what you want.
[92] You can do what makes you happy.
[93] See, this is great peacemaker in the middle generation who wants to make both people.
[94] You know what I are the child of a couple that fights bitterly.
[95] I am a child of divorce.
[96] Yeah, and you're, and so you're, I can see it.
[97] I can see it.
[98] I can see it and daddy are fighting again.
[99] It's happening all over age.
[100] I'm a child of people that should have divorced.
[101] But that's a different thing.
[102] But you, I'm just saying this is really fascinating to me that, that I saw what you were doing right there, which is, no, no, no, you're both right.
[103] Can we just go get ice cream and everyone's good?
[104] Can we?
[105] You're a good mommy and you're a good daddy.
[106] You both have photographic memory, too, about things.
[107] No, I don't.
[108] But not things that matter.
[109] You do.
[110] You both really remember a lot of details.
[111] You'll remember a scene from a show that happened, you know, 50 years ago.
[112] I don't, I don't remember what I watched like two days ago.
[113] That's because you have something called priorities.
[114] You have a healthy understanding of things that are important in life and we don't.
[115] Right.
[116] I didn't expect the conversation to go this way.
[117] Well, I will say.
[118] Because I think you guys also are healthy, have priorities.
[119] You don't have to sit.
[120] Don't back down, son.
[121] This is how you diffuse Sona.
[122] Do you understand that?
[123] I'm learning.
[124] I'm learning from the master.
[125] Only took you 14.
[126] But I do think, yes, it's a struggle, but one must stay current.
[127] One must stay current.
[128] It's just, and this is why it's good that you're here, Sona and you, Eduardo, it's good that you're here to say, we don't know what you're talking about because I'm sure there are some listeners out there who if you and I go on a long run about Smoky and the Bandit are saying, what are they talking about?
[129] classic movie 1977, monster hit.
[130] There's just so many good movies.
[131] There really aren't.
[132] There really aren't.
[133] There are.
[134] I think there are a lot of really, really good movies.
[135] And I think that, you know, it's just really hard to watch a lot of them, especially the ones that were made a long time ago.
[136] And if they're not on a streaming service...
[137] What are your favorite movies?
[138] I mean, I go by genre.
[139] You know, my favorite comedy is probably Galaxy Quest.
[140] I love adaptation.
[141] I've always loved...
[142] These are solid choices.
[143] Oh, thank you.
[144] They are.
[145] They are.
[146] They are.
[147] No, I'm not being so fantastic.
[148] You know, my favorite rom -com is moonstruck.
[149] You know, I, I, I, I, I, what are your, what are your favorite movies?
[150] Hey, look, we're just interested.
[151] We're not, you know, I feel in attack.
[152] I know.
[153] I did.
[154] And we were, actually, that was supposed to be a sweet question.
[155] I know.
[156] I'm sorry.
[157] I didn't mean that.
[158] That got very intense.
[159] No, I thought, like, one of your choices was on the money.
[160] And I think, uh, and then the other.
[161] are just big swing and a miss. Also, you know what?
[162] I came in real revved up on this because you did the quiet thing to me right before because you know that upsets me. It does upset you.
[163] You did those little clam hands.
[164] I do it because it makes Sona crazy.
[165] But you were talking a lot.
[166] You were on a roll.
[167] You wouldn't stop.
[168] And then I just do the little, and I do, it's Dr. Evil.
[169] Oh, yeah.
[170] Remember when he's like, can we have a little shh?
[171] Can we have a little shh?
[172] Right.
[173] And then you just see red.
[174] I do.
[175] And then you attack.
[176] Well, also, before.
[177] that you looked at Adam like intervene here and quiet her up quiet this woman that i would like to see would someone take he did though he looked at you like intervene here would someone quiet this woman she's hysterical i'm sorry i'm sorry that's what by the way that's what stanton did when lincoln was on his deathbed after being shot in for its theater see i'm with you see i'm with you listen mary lincoln kept coming into the room and wailing and screaming and throwing herself on the body and finally stanton of course the Secretary of War says, someone kept this hysterical woman out of here and they carried her away from her dying husband.
[178] Why would they do that?
[179] Because it's Stanton.
[180] You don't fuck with him.
[181] He just prosecuted a war successfully for four years.
[182] So he died and he had a massive beard.
[183] His wife wasn't even at his bedside?
[184] Probably a good idea.
[185] I have never more confidently held up this rap sign before my life.
[186] No, but I don't understand this.
[187] This is upsetting.
[188] Isn't this upsetting?
[189] It was a different time.
[190] And Mary, she'd be shot him, saw him got shot right in front of Mary.
[191] She's hysterical.
[192] I find that it was a different time excuses going over well these days.
[193] Yes, yes.
[194] And I'd like to right now say that I think, wait a minute, no, I'm not going to say any of that.
[195] I was going to do it as a joke.
[196] And then I thought, nah, they're going to just read it as a transcript at the trial.
[197] And then I'm like, Your Honor, it's clear that I'm exaggerating for the humorous content.
[198] Cut to me at a newly opened Alcatraz prison.
[199] Just for you.
[200] It's just for me. And you guys come by in a boat and weigh that.
[201] You got no audience and you're just walking the island.
[202] You know, you guys are allowed to like whatever you like.
[203] I'm sorry I make fun of it.
[204] You too.
[205] That's not cool of me to do that.
[206] You should enjoy it.
[207] We're all friends.
[208] Remember, Stanton, Secretary of War, Giant Beard.
[209] I won't remember.
[210] Had Mary Lincoln removed from the, well, it's course the Peterson House.
[211] Remember, too, if you're just talking Alcatraz, you can watch Escape from Alcatraz or the Rock.
[212] It depends on what generation you're.
[213] Escape from Mount Catraz.
[214] The Rock.
[215] My guest today.
[216] The Rock.
[217] Starred in the ABC series Fresh Off the Boat.
[218] He's been in such films is Ant Man and the Wasp.
[219] Always Be My Maybe and Aquaman.
[220] Now you can see him the Netflix series Blockbuster.
[221] Very excited.
[222] He's here today.
[223] Randall Park.
[224] Welcome.
[225] I mean, I'm a huge fan.
[226] I've told you this.
[227] And end of the podcast, I'm a fan of all you guys.
[228] I don't necessarily want to be a friend.
[229] No, no, no. Trust me. That's, like, different.
[230] Yeah, yeah.
[231] And I, can I just say something?
[232] You are demonstrating incredible wisdom.
[233] You're, you like the product, but you don't want to hang out at the factory.
[234] No. You're discerning gentlemen.
[235] I will point out, who, I will point out, this shows, I think, great class.
[236] You show up with a brown paper bag.
[237] I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
[238] And you reached into it, and you pulled out gifts for, the podcast team.
[239] Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, this is...
[240] No one, guess, let me tell you something.
[241] Nobody does that.
[242] Really?
[243] Nobody brings gifts.
[244] Can you think of anyone, Gourley, who's brought a gift?
[245] The only person I can think of was Kaylee Cuoco sent us gifts after the fact.
[246] She sent us little equestrian mugs and treats.
[247] Really nice.
[248] Equestrian mugs.
[249] Because it went well, and she was like, I'm going to, like, I'm doing this without even knowing how this is going to go.
[250] So far, you're in a deep hole.
[251] Are you kidding?
[252] No, no, okay.
[253] You're on a mountain.
[254] Look at this.
[255] Look at this.
[256] Okay, let's talk about what you brought.
[257] Let's start with this.
[258] You brought some purline chocolate hazelnut, cream -filled wafers in a big tin.
[259] So when we're done eating the wafers, we can keep, that's going to be a swear jar.
[260] Yeah.
[261] We should have a swear jar here.
[262] And then you brought a bottle of, what is the bottle?
[263] It's just some Irish whiskey.
[264] Okay, so.
[265] Because you're, you know.
[266] Actually, not.
[267] Don't let the name and face and 100 % genetic certitude fool you.
[268] I'm an Ascanazi Jew and very proud of it.
[269] And I haven't seen you in Shul lately.
[270] Oh me?
[271] Yeah, poorly.
[272] Or you, or you, Randall.
[273] No, you brought us some bun -ratty Irish whiskey.
[274] And that is a, does that say potato malt on the bottom?
[275] No, product of of Ireland, peated malt.
[276] Oh, peted malt.
[277] I'm looking at it from across the table and I thought potato malt, you asshole.
[278] And there's one for the future swear jar.
[279] Yes, yeah.
[280] Oh, wait a minute.
[281] And then you brought us Astro Buffalo chicken wing jerky.
[282] Yeah, yeah.
[283] Look at that.
[284] And then the, well, that's interesting.
[285] Look at the, I like the logo is a...
[286] He has a cow in a space thing.
[287] A cow in a space suit floating in orbit.
[288] Yeah, I went to the, The store, right down the street, the wine and cheese store and grab the first things I saw.
[289] This is amazing.
[290] Okay.
[291] Well, I do think this should be a precedent now on the podcast.
[292] I think people should bring gifts.
[293] And over time, not that these are fine gifts.
[294] What?
[295] No, no, don't get an attitude.
[296] But over time, the gifts will, you know, improve.
[297] I think maybe the amount spent, there'll be some fine watches maybe.
[298] If I come back.
[299] If I come back.
[300] Oh, you are coming back.
[301] You know, I want to first compliment you on, and thank you, when I was wrapping up my late night show and we were doing some of our last, you know, a couple of weeks of months of episodes.
[302] Yeah.
[303] You showed up and you brought, you did this hilarious thing on our show.
[304] It's the hardest I've laughed on on camera in a long time.
[305] You very seriously sold what a good artist you are and how much you've been working.
[306] over COVID.
[307] And I swear to God I knew nothing about this.
[308] Sometimes people were very cynical about talk shows and they think, well, the host knows everything that's going to happen.
[309] Yeah.
[310] We know some things, but I like to not know some things and you did not tell me this.
[311] So you were talking for a while about how good you were and you were very convincing, very good, and then we should put this up.
[312] I didn't bring it with me, but we have it.
[313] I think if the listener goes to Team Coco podcasts on Instagram.
[314] Yes.
[315] These portraits.
[316] So you.
[317] you totally had me hook line and sinker and I was so excited and then you talked very seriously about COVID and you've been working on it and you thought you got really good and your style and you're getting a lot of compliments and then you showed me this you put so much pressure on it and then you showed me this portrait you had done of me and it was terrible in the funniest way and that's very hard to achieve it got a huge reaction from the crowd.
[318] I couldn't stop laughing.
[319] We kept showing it.
[320] People loved it.
[321] I took it home.
[322] My wife came home.
[323] She couldn't stop laughing because you had it in a little frame.
[324] You framed it.
[325] And it is...
[326] Then my kids came home.
[327] They couldn't stop laughing.
[328] Guess what?
[329] It is still in our kitchen.
[330] Oh my gosh.
[331] I love that.
[332] I look at it every day.
[333] Every day I'm like, I'm busy.
[334] I've got stuff to do.
[335] And sometimes I'm in a bed.
[336] mood and then I see this portrait that, an original by Rainbow Park, of me. Oh, I love that.
[337] It's still in your home.
[338] It's hilariously, do you have it?
[339] Yes.
[340] You know, I actually like my kind of approach Please look up this portrait.
[341] I know this is a podcast.
[342] My approach to the sincerely my approach was to like draw you good.
[343] Like to try to draw you good.
[344] Are you good?
[345] Oh, well, then something would, I knew something would be off because I'm not that great.
[346] And then just to accentuate the thing that's not a little off.
[347] Well, that's what's thing.
[348] It is a thing of profound beauty and goarly, am I right?
[349] It is very hard, it's very hard to be slight, I mean.
[350] This is like the best version of the Uncanny Valley, you know, like you've somehow made that art as opposed to like the lack of art. And I'm always, I swear to God, I'm always going to have this in my home and visible because...
[351] It's an uncanny mountain.
[352] That makes sense.
[353] Yeah.
[354] It's, it is truly a, a gift that keeps on giving.
[355] I love that.
[356] I love that.
[357] You know, first of all, you've achieved many great things in your career.
[358] You're very funny.
[359] I am a huge fan of yours, and you also seem like a lovely guy.
[360] I do wish you were my friend.
[361] I'll be honest with you.
[362] Yeah.
[363] Yeah, now, I'm, yeah.
[364] Maybe after you have a little whiskey and some jerky, you'll warm to me. You know, I did.
[365] I was at a baseball game once.
[366] A friend had invited me to these box seats.
[367] It was a Dodger game, I believe.
[368] And I went to the game.
[369] And, you know, the box, those special boxes, I was like, oh, this is so cool.
[370] I get to be in, you know, in these special boxes.
[371] And you were in the box.
[372] You were, like, sitting towards the front of the box.
[373] One thing, I never, I've gone, there's a Dodger game.
[374] Yeah.
[375] I've gone to very few, I've gone to very few Dodger games.
[376] And one time I was invited to, I mean, I love baseball.
[377] Yeah.
[378] But I haven't been to a lot of Dodger games, but I was invited to sit in a box.
[379] And I remember this very clearly.
[380] I think you are, yeah, this was.
[381] Because this is a crazy, I'm friends with Jack White.
[382] Yeah.
[383] He showed up.
[384] He, I think he instigated it.
[385] He said, I actually have us, got some tickets in a box.
[386] So I went with Jack White, and we went together to this baseball game, and, like, 15, 20 minutes into it, Bob Newhart showed up.
[387] You remember Bob Newhart being there?
[388] Who's one of my all -time comedy idols?
[389] Yes, of course.
[390] And so I had, of course, I had not of course, but I had met him a couple of times and interviewed him, but got to talk to him for a long time that night.
[391] And we got to be closer friends, which is just a joy.
[392] but I don't know how you feel about a box.
[393] Well, I saw you in the box, and I didn't see Bob Newhart nor Jack White.
[394] Well, I give off a light.
[395] But I saw you.
[396] When people see me in person, there's just, well, it's almost Christlike.
[397] And my wife was there, and I had done your show once at that point.
[398] She was like, oh, you should go say hi.
[399] And I was like, oh, no. Well, I guess I didn't want to bother you.
[400] And a part of me was like, I don't know.
[401] I don't want it to be awkward.
[402] It wouldn't have been awkward.
[403] I don't know.
[404] Well, first of all, I think the truth is you just didn't want to come up.
[405] Pure disinterest.
[406] Pure, yeah, yeah.
[407] That's what I'm, well, because I knew you.
[408] I know you in the context of the show.
[409] And then, but, you know, and it's great and you're so nice.
[410] And you're like, even on those.
[411] Even off camera, you're so nice.
[412] What if I find one of those people who switches is that what you could have been?
[413] Oh, he is.
[414] Yeah.
[415] Shut the fuck up.
[416] Chiching.
[417] Gourley, seriously.
[418] Fucking cut it out of you.
[419] Okay, that's paper money in the swir jar.
[420] That'll be, there's at least $60.
[421] We have to eat some of the cookies first.
[422] To make room.
[423] But no. But yeah.
[424] I just want to ruin the, because you're, you know, you're such a great, you know, I hold you in high regard.
[425] And if I figured if I'd met you would.
[426] Gorley, do me a favor and be honest for a second.
[427] All bits aside, I do think I'm the same person wherever you encounter me. Oh, yeah, 100%.
[428] Yeah, for better or for worse.
[429] That is true.
[430] Okay, that's as good as I'm going to get out of Gourley.
[431] But, yes, what you see is what you get.
[432] But, you know, one of the things that I was thinking about when I was driving in here today because I wanted to talk to you about you are first generation.
[433] Is that right?
[434] Your parents were.
[435] born in Korea?
[436] Yeah, yeah.
[437] So I've always thought that it is a scary proposition when anyone tells their parents, you know what, I kind of like to get into improv in comedy.
[438] But there's something that in first generation, I've always felt that the intensity knob must be turned up.
[439] Yes.
[440] And this is for any culture.
[441] It's we just got here.
[442] we are trying to, we've got to get serious here and it's very important for you to get up this ladder as quickly as possible and then you're telling them you know, I really improv and making some goofy stuff on the internet that sounds fun to me. How did that go over?
[443] Well, yeah, I mean the immigrant kind of journey is, you know, I mean, that's a huge sacrifice.
[444] You leave all your friends, your family, you come to this new place, you don't speak the language, You know, you just do it so your children could have just a better opportunities.
[445] And so I do remember, you know, when I started getting interested in doing acting and comedy and kind of telling them a little bit, kind of mentioning, oh, you know, this might be a career path.
[446] And they shut me down right away.
[447] They were like, no, it's not going to work.
[448] You can't do it.
[449] And I was like, yeah, yeah, no. It's not, yeah, it's not.
[450] I'm just, you know, I'm just kind of throwing it out there.
[451] Hey, you didn't think I was serious, did you?
[452] Yeah, exactly.
[453] I'm still on the astrophysicist track.
[454] And then, and then, and then I just, from there on out, I just didn't tell them.
[455] You know, I just kind of did it, you know, yeah, kind of behind their backs.
[456] I still haven't told them.
[457] That's getting harder and harder for you.
[458] Yeah, television, movies, you know, there's, it's, they don't watch much.
[459] You just quickly just put on some kind of like a medical coat when you're coming.
[460] Every time.
[461] Oh boy.
[462] That was a tough surgery today.
[463] Why were you operating on the brain?
[464] I thought you operated on eyes.
[465] Did I say, did I say brain?
[466] No, no. They're all connected, you know.
[467] I had to go through the eyes to get to the brain.
[468] That's right.
[469] It's funny because my parents were, we've been here many generations, but I was part of a very large family.
[470] Right.
[471] And I do get the sense that, and, um, and my parents were upwardly mobile and that had had the mission that they had, that's the message they had received from their parents who received it from their parents.
[472] And I, but I think I benefited a lot from being one of many.
[473] Yes.
[474] Because I honestly think, I mean, I see helicopter parents today that hover over their kids and know everything that they're doing.
[475] And I love my parents and they were really good parents.
[476] But it was a different time.
[477] There were a lot of us.
[478] I honestly don't think they knew what I was doing most of the time.
[479] And I think they just were, you know, I graduated college and said, yeah, I'm out in L .A. now.
[480] All right.
[481] Which one are you?
[482] Third from the top.
[483] Fourth from the bottom.
[484] All right.
[485] Yeah, I mean, for me. I'm paying my own rent.
[486] Good enough.
[487] I mean, I was born and raised in L .A. So they're like here.
[488] You know, they're like so.
[489] And, you know, it was kind of hard to hide from them, like, truthfully.
[490] And, but, you know, over time, it's like, they, you know, I just, they'd see me on TV.
[491] It'd seem on a commercial.
[492] and they'd be like, what was that?
[493] And I was like, it's just a hobby, you know.
[494] And the crazy thing was they were, you know, when I told them like, hey, I got this opportunity to play Kim Jong -un in a movie.
[495] And I was like, really like, do you guys think this is okay?
[496] And they were like super excited.
[497] Obviously.
[498] Yeah, I would think.
[499] I'm guessing they're from South Korea.
[500] Yeah.
[501] Okay, good.
[502] Because, you know, it gets more complicated.
[503] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[504] No, you cannot.
[505] You had a very good education.
[506] You studied history?
[507] Well, I was at UCLA.
[508] I studied English and then Asian American studies.
[509] I met so many young people who tell me they want to be in comedy, and then they mentioned that, yeah, in college, I only tried to study anything that was like TV -related.
[510] Yeah.
[511] And I always, that makes me a little sad because I think, no, you don't need to know anything to be in television.
[512] You really don't.
[513] You should, this is your last chance to know some things and to learn how to know some things.
[514] That's right.
[515] And then you'll end up, that will be somehow reflected in your comedy.
[516] Yeah.
[517] But when I talk to people who say, oh, yeah, you know, I watched all the talk shows.
[518] I had a class called talk show, you know, talk.
[519] show intricacies, 505.
[520] And I was like, no, no, that's a terrible waste of your time.
[521] Yeah, I mean, reading like, you can middle English or anything.
[522] Totally.
[523] I mean, I think when I, because I didn't start pursuing this business so well later into my adulthood, but, and for a while there, when I started, I was probably, I was in my, like, mid to later 20s and, and I thought, oh gosh, why did I do all those years?
[524] at college.
[525] Like, I could have started way earlier and been, you know.
[526] But then as kind of I would do more and more and kind of get into comedy and get into and start working, I was just so thankful for all those years.
[527] You also had a number of very different kinds of jobs.
[528] Yeah.
[529] You worked in a, you were a night watchman in a museum?
[530] Yeah.
[531] How were you, were you a good night watchman?
[532] I know.
[533] I wasn't a night watchman.
[534] I was a security guard.
[535] I like saying night watchman.
[536] I like the idea of you and you befriend a mouse, who's also, you have a really long flashlight and you guys have adventures.
[537] I mean, if you don't mind me having that.
[538] Sure.
[539] Okay, I was a night watchman.
[540] It was during the day.
[541] Uh -huh.
[542] At this, at the Hammer Museum.
[543] And you wore a sleep mask while you walked around.
[544] Smashing into things.
[545] Sure.
[546] Yeah.
[547] Yeah.
[548] And my, you know, my job was basically to, like, stand there pretty much.
[549] And if someone got too close to the painting, just tell them, hey, can you back away?
[550] And then that was it.
[551] That was pretty much it.
[552] Yeah.
[553] Yeah.
[554] So you were sort of like someone who was job was to monitor at a prom, an adult.
[555] You too.
[556] You're a little close to the Mona Lisa there, back it up a little bit.
[557] Pretty, well, yeah, pretty much.
[558] Hands off the lower back.
[559] That was it.
[560] Yeah, I was hoping for, like, you know, some kind of huge theft of something.
[561] Would you have done anything?
[562] No. No, but it would have been like...
[563] Would you have helped them?
[564] No, no, no, that edge is dragging.
[565] That's going to hurt the frame.
[566] I'll get that edge.
[567] You get the front.
[568] And let's get this van go out of here.
[569] There you go, guys.
[570] All right, I think we got it.
[571] Yeah, yeah.
[572] Just keep the bungee cords.
[573] Yeah.
[574] Those are yours to keep.
[575] Were you at a, you worked at a Starbucks.
[576] I did.
[577] I did.
[578] Were you, what's that gig like?
[579] It was the best.
[580] I loved it.
[581] I worked for a few years at the Starbucks in the Palisades.
[582] That's where they put me. And I remember just driving up there and sometimes famous people would come in.
[583] And, you know, at the time I was doing kind of comedy just for fun.
[584] and Brad Garrett came in one day.
[585] It's a very tall man. Yeah, very tall.
[586] And he left like a $20 tip.
[587] And I was like, oh, my gosh, that was like so cool, you know.
[588] Do you think he felt, he probably felt because you recognized him, he had to leave a $20 tip.
[589] Maybe, maybe.
[590] That's the trap.
[591] That's the trap you're in.
[592] Because people go like, oh, that's so cool.
[593] It's Randall Park.
[594] Yeah.
[595] And, you know, in the old days, you could throw a couple of coins in there.
[596] That's right.
[597] That's right.
[598] Now I got to leave $20 every time.
[599] Yeah.
[600] I have a thing where I leave 20, but it's on a fishing line.
[601] Oh, my God.
[602] And so I get, they get that initial burst of like, Conan seems like, wow, a 20.
[603] That's pretty good.
[604] He just, you know, he didn't really get, he just got a water and he gave me a 20.
[605] Yeah.
[606] And then I'm outside the store and I wait until their back is turned.
[607] And I whip the 20 away.
[608] And then I watch them accuse others in the store of peeling it.
[609] Oh, yeah, yeah.
[610] Yeah, yeah.
[611] Yeah, so I've been eating the same 20 since 1993.
[612] So ordering waters all over the country, coffee shops all over the country.
[613] I don't even want the stuff I'm ordering there half the time.
[614] But I just want to make a good impression.
[615] And then I want my 20 bag.
[616] When did you know, when did you know that you were funny?
[617] Were you funny for your friends early on?
[618] Yeah, yeah, I think so.
[619] I was, you know, I was kind of, I wouldn't say I was the class clown necessarily, necessarily, but, you know.
[620] I have no, I'm not a fan of the class clown.
[621] Oh, really?
[622] No, no, I was not the class clown either.
[623] I was, I'm suspicious of the class clown.
[624] Yes.
[625] But the guy who's just killing it in fourth grade.
[626] Yeah.
[627] Because he's, you know, setting the clock forward and, you know, throwing things out the window.
[628] I don't think most of them go on.
[629] I don't think so, you know.
[630] Yeah, yeah.
[631] I was class clown in six years.
[632] Were you really?
[633] You were the class clown?
[634] I know.
[635] What were some of your antics?
[636] I don't even remember.
[637] I truly don't.
[638] I don't know.
[639] I don't remember being clownish.
[640] I mean, maybe they were just.
[641] Wait, were you the class clown?
[642] I was, yeah, I was.
[643] But you don't remember doing anything class clownish?
[644] No, I don't.
[645] Wait, was it just from people telling you you were the class clown?
[646] No, I was in the yearbook as the class clown.
[647] You probably did things like you switched.
[648] They probably had all the presidents in order and you like, I put Eisenhower before.
[649] FDR.
[650] Just those two.
[651] Giggle.
[652] Snort.
[653] Eisenhower before Franklin Roosevelt.
[654] I don't think so.
[655] Listen, I'm not proud because I actually agree with you.
[656] And I think I look back at that period of my life as something to forget.
[657] So I'm glad I brought it up.
[658] Listen, you have done well.
[659] You are, I don't think, I think a mistake was made.
[660] I think a clerical error was made.
[661] It might have been.
[662] You were not the class.
[663] Or else you were an environment that was so stayed.
[664] And so by their standards, you were the class clown.
[665] Yeah.
[666] But, yeah, you don't strike me as the, you know, the type that would, you know.
[667] I've been through a lot.
[668] I think, I really do think most class clowns are beaten to death in prison.
[669] Well, I had that phase too.
[670] I know.
[671] Man, I tried.
[672] I got into prison just to kill you.
[673] It's one of those movie plots.
[674] But I, but I'm, I don't know.
[675] Yeah.
[676] Yeah, I see, yeah, I could see a lot of class clowns becoming like going into finance and stuff like that and, you know, kind of.
[677] And then just playing pranks with our financial system.
[678] That's right.
[679] I just destroyed a whole region of the country.
[680] And I got a massive house in Long Island out of it.
[681] Yeah, pretty much.
[682] No, I'm not, I think there's something about people that are sensitive and even somewhat naturally shy who.
[683] who have to overcome, who there's like comedy percolating in there, and it needs to overcome that barrier.
[684] Yes.
[685] And I think that that's sort of important, and those are some of my favorite people in comedy who I've met, I know were not, they were, you know, I think they were with their friends, funny.
[686] Yes, yeah.
[687] But I was definitely shy.
[688] I was very shy growing, to this day.
[689] But amongst my friends and people who I felt comfortable with, That was very wacky.
[690] What was your first commercial that you did before?
[691] Oh, that's right.
[692] It was a commercial.
[693] It was on the, you know, Channel 18 in L .A., which is kind of like the Asian channel where they do, like, shows.
[694] That's where I got my start.
[695] Yeah.
[696] My first talk show.
[697] No, it was actually my fifth talk show.
[698] I killed it, by the way.
[699] They loved me. They didn't understand a word.
[700] They really thought it was great.
[701] Yeah, it was a commercial for that network, non -union.
[702] It was for these Chinese liver pills.
[703] Oh, my God.
[704] Yeah, I actually don't know what exactly it was for because I don't understand Chinese.
[705] Oh, so the ad was in...
[706] It was in Chinese.
[707] It was in Chinese.
[708] And so you don't even know...
[709] No. You think they were liver pills.
[710] I think they were.
[711] It's because someone might have told me that.
[712] Are you sure that maybe it wasn't something more nefarious?
[713] I don't know.
[714] I don't know.
[715] It's not your responsibility to know.
[716] No, I just needed the money.
[717] Yeah, and in the commercial, I just play this dad who comes home, I'm tired, and then the kid is like, oh, let me get my dad these pills, which is kind of weird.
[718] What?
[719] I know what my dad needs.
[720] How old are you four?
[721] Here's a pill I got from a commercial that I didn't understand.
[722] And then the kid shoves the pills down my throat.
[723] He shoves him in your mouth?
[724] No, no. Okay, all right.
[725] But the kid, you know, the kid gets the idea of giving me these pills and then I, and then all of a sudden, cut to I'm energetic.
[726] And now I'm playing with him.
[727] That was the commercial.
[728] Well, he gave you a, I think, definitely an amphetamine.
[729] He gave you a strong, powerful dose.
[730] And then it's an enthetamine.
[731] That was not a liver pill.
[732] Is it a liver pill, does it treat your liver or is it made of liver?
[733] Yeah, good question.
[734] I have no, I don't know.
[735] Wow, you're a responsible guy when you're doing that, aren't you?
[736] Hello, I'm not sure what this is, but inject this into your heart immediately.
[737] This is Randall Park saying, you can trust me. I made, I made like $120.
[738] Seriously?
[739] Yeah, something like, it was a very, very, I mean, but to me at the time, that was like, oh, God.
[740] And how many people did you indirectly kill?
[741] We're getting, we're doing the research now.
[742] They say it's in the tens of thousands.
[743] You sure you weren't class class?
[744] Yeah.
[745] True, true.
[746] I love any class clown that uses drugs purchased illegally, tricking people into eating them.
[747] You were a graphic designer.
[748] I mean, you wouldn't maybe know that from looking at the portrait of me, but you did that for a number of years.
[749] I did, I did.
[750] And you worked for some interesting projects.
[751] Well, no, I mean, I worked for, you know, I think they still have them, the weekly kind of free, you know, like LA Weekly, the free kind of in the kiosk, you just grab, you know, and then in the back section of those weeklies were the ads for, you know, escorts.
[752] Oh, yeah, I'm quite familiar.
[753] You know, you know.
[754] Sure, I do now, actually.
[755] Yeah.
[756] Yeah, I've seen your ad.
[757] I will date you and then give you a liver pill.
[758] Not in that order.
[759] But yeah, I was in charge of, I was, they put me in charge of kind of building those ads for, for, so was it just arranging, aren't they mostly, not that I, again, I haven't studied them closely, but photographs and then numbers to call.
[760] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[761] And then like a, you know, like a backdoor action, you know, like things, things.
[762] things like kind of that say it without saying it, you know, you know.
[763] I'm lost.
[764] I don't know what you're done.
[765] You're going to spell this out for me. Like anal sex.
[766] Okay.
[767] So they meet you at the back door at their house.
[768] And then you have anal sex.
[769] Yeah.
[770] Should I just stop asking?
[771] Just stop.
[772] All right.
[773] But yeah.
[774] So I would, you know, build these ads and people, I guess pimps would come in and give photos and I'd have to scan the photos So the pimps would come in and say Who do I speak to and they'd say Randall over there and you'd be like, oh hey, how are you?
[775] Pretty much.
[776] You know, managers, I guess, you know, stuff like that.
[777] The pimp might be a derogatory term.
[778] Yeah, yeah.
[779] Yeah, I don't know.
[780] I don't want to, and listen.
[781] You guys are looking at me like.
[782] Oh, please.
[783] You were a pimp for a while.
[784] But it was, yeah, it was.
[785] Only for, yeah, prostitutes dressed as late 19th century heiresses.
[786] And then other times we'd use, And then other times we'd use stock photos, like just, like, royalty -free, like, stock photos of these poor models.
[787] Oh, wow.
[788] Yeah, it was not a good job.
[789] I got an early gig.
[790] I had some very stupid early jobs.
[791] One was I was hired because someone had seen me do improv, maybe at the groundlings, but they said, and I just wanted to do anything to get experience.
[792] So they said, come and you can improvise.
[793] be the guy.
[794] It was to sell musical instruments.
[795] Yeah.
[796] And it was for some national association of musical instrument sellers.
[797] And they said, we want you to get, you're the guy selling instruments at the store who says too much.
[798] You're too pushy.
[799] You're too bossy.
[800] And basically I realized they hired me because they said, just improvise it.
[801] That way they didn't have to have a script.
[802] So I was the guy who someone came in as the customer.
[803] So there was a very handsome man who said, but remember when selling, you know, musical instruments at your store, you don't want to be, too nosy or I mean you don't want to be too Gabby like this salesman and then he would step away and I'd a guy would go up and go I'm thinking of buying a Moog synthesizer and I'd say oh well you know you want the cord and I would say all this stuff that I was just making up and I remembered the job paid absolutely nothing like next to nothing and they told me bring your own makeup I didn't even have makeup so I went to a drugstore and bought basically just asked for a paste that would make me look less white and did it myself in my crappy car in a really hot parking lot.
[804] Oh my God.
[805] And just walked in and looking like a burn victim.
[806] And then another thing that I remembered recently is a friend of mine had to, he was in charge of putting together a poster for like a, you know, a slasher film.
[807] Yeah.
[808] And there's a standard thing we've all seen a million times on slasher films.
[809] where it's a woman, she's almost in a silhouette.
[810] Yes, yes.
[811] And she's clearly taking off her bra and panties behind.
[812] But then there's the shadow of the creep in the background who's holding a gun.
[813] And I'm that shadow.
[814] I want to know what movie this is.
[815] We can find out because I'm so good friends.
[816] My friend will tell me and we'll find it.
[817] But I'm a creepy shadow that's like, looking at a woman who, for some reason, is standing directly in front of a window and is signing to undress.
[818] But I have a very, you know, I have a distinctive profile.
[819] And I remember doing that.
[820] And we all do these things.
[821] We do these things just to.
[822] I did a bunch of workplace training videos, you know, like those.
[823] And that sounds like what I did.
[824] Yeah.
[825] To this day, yeah.
[826] And to this, like, harassment or bullying, you know, different, different themes.
[827] And to this day, they still show them.
[828] And people will, like, reach out and tell me, like, hey, you're, I just saw you in our workplace training video.
[829] Now, did you get to be, because I liked being, I got to do both.
[830] They would say, here's the wrong way.
[831] And I would be the too nosy and too pushy and too filled with information that just overwhelmed the guy.
[832] And the customer would go, like, I just can't handle this.
[833] and would walk away.
[834] And then the handsome guy would step in and say, maybe this is the way to do it.
[835] And then I'd say, well, tell me what you're looking for.
[836] And that would be the reasonable guy.
[837] Did you ever get to be the bad guy?
[838] Both.
[839] Both.
[840] Yeah.
[841] I was in one, I was being sexually harassed, which was interesting.
[842] Yeah, I was like, and then in another, I was a bully.
[843] What kind of things are you saying?
[844] Just snide comments, you know, in the break room.
[845] Okay.
[846] Shut up.
[847] You know what we're going to do?
[848] We're going to watch Randall's video.
[849] We're going to look it up.
[850] We're going to watch this video about bullying.
[851] And it's probably going to be stuff that is, I'm regularly, my dial is on 10 and you're probably on 2.
[852] You know what I mean?
[853] You're probably just saying things like, hey, come on, get the let out.
[854] Let's move it.
[855] Goarly's watching it thinking, this is nothing.
[856] You guys good.
[857] This is nothing.
[858] But you love TV growing up as a kid, right?
[859] Yeah, I did.
[860] I did.
[861] Oh my gosh, TV was huge.
[862] Late night was huge.
[863] You were huge, you know, I mean, well, I was older, but...
[864] What were you watching when you were a kid that you really loved?
[865] Oh, my gosh.
[866] I mean, I was...
[867] Besides late night.
[868] I was big on sitcoms, just, you know, I grew up sitting in front of a TV, you know.
[869] Just all the sitcoms.
[870] I knew when, I knew the TV guide.
[871] which was another thing back then.
[872] There used to be a magazine, a book that came out once a week that told you when things were on.
[873] Yeah.
[874] And it was more important than the Bible in most homes.
[875] It was the Bible.
[876] It was the Bible.
[877] I also looked to it for religious instruction.
[878] But yeah, that was, I mean, I memorized it.
[879] You know, every night I knew what was going to be on, what time, what it was going up against, you know.
[880] I mean, and I mostly sitcoms is what I'd watch, you know.
[881] I mean.
[882] Your era, I know you're younger than I am, so you're watching, like, what, Silver Spoons?
[883] Silver Spoons.
[884] Too Close for Comfort.
[885] Too Close for Comfort.
[886] Yeah.
[887] Family Ties.
[888] It was a little before me, but I did watch that.
[889] Family Ties.
[890] New Heart.
[891] Not the original one, but the Bed and Breakfast one.
[892] Cosby Show, Golden Girls, you know, all of them.
[893] It was interesting is that every show you just listed had laughter on it.
[894] Meaning it was either shot before a live studio audience or it had.
[895] And it's so fascinating to me that there's a whole kind of comedy that young people who've grown up watching, I'm thinking of my kids.
[896] But there's no laugh track there.
[897] There isn't that sense of like, I don't know.
[898] We're all in this together.
[899] Oh, I remember Happy Days was a huge show when I was a kid.
[900] And my best friend was Jake Fleischer and there was an episode where he was going to, this is not the famous jump.
[901] the shark episode, but before that there was an episode where he had to do some stunt on his bicycle, a motorcycle, bicycle.
[902] This is before he got really cool.
[903] This is his unicycle.
[904] Yeah, he was a very fit, this is a very fit, aerobically in shape, fons.
[905] No, he had to do some kind of jump on his motorcycle.
[906] It was like the first season of the show and everyone in school was watching and I was in maybe fourth grade, fifth grade.
[907] I don't know what I was in, but I didn't get to see it, but my friend Jake Fleischer had seen it.
[908] because my parents wouldn't let me watch TV on a school night.
[909] And the next day I ran to Jake Fleischer's house, I remember as fast as I could to have him explain to him.
[910] Yeah.
[911] Is the Fonz okay?
[912] That's right.
[913] And, you know, today I would get on my computer.
[914] First of all, I'd, you know, my parents, they can't control what I'm watching if I'm streaming something on the computer.
[915] Who knows, you know?
[916] This was back when.
[917] Well, back then, like a show airs.
[918] and you're never gonna see it again.
[919] That's it.
[920] Ever.
[921] It's it, yeah.
[922] Or maybe it'll be rerun over the summer.
[923] That's right, yeah.
[924] But chances are you're not gonna, or you're gonna maybe see it in a rerun on the spring, maybe.
[925] But it was, I ran like a maniac, like my life depended on it and was pounding on Jake Fleischer's door.
[926] Like, what happened?
[927] He said he does get hurt and they, it's a two -parter and he has to go to the hospital for the next one because his leg is hurt and I'm like, wow, I'll be back.
[928] My dad used to, we weren't allowed to watch TV on a school night and if he suspected that we were cheating because we were always cheating, he would rush in.
[929] We would hear him coming because someone was on the lookout and we would scatter, turn off the TV and scatter, but he would put his hand on the TV set.
[930] And this is back when TVs had a little bit of an electrical, static -y charge that you could feel.
[931] And if he felt that charge, he was like, get in here!
[932] You know, and it was terrifying.
[933] How did you see any TV if you couldn't watch TV on a school night?
[934] That was when all the good shows were on.
[935] I got better at cheating.
[936] We got better at cheating.
[937] But I missed out on some really good stuff.
[938] Sounds like it.
[939] But one of the advantages is that my father was really into classic comedy.
[940] So he would make sure that I saw, he took me to a movie, which was 10 from your show of shows, which was all of Cesar's best sketches.
[941] Oh, wow.
[942] And he took me to the movie theater.
[943] He took me to see Chaplin.
[944] He took me to see Laurel and Hardy.
[945] He made sure that I had this great foundation, which is why I really fought hard for our late night show to be shot in black and white.
[946] And to mostly involve Pratt Falls.
[947] But I lost that one.
[948] It's just so funny to me that it's because you have a show, Blockbuster.
[949] Yeah.
[950] And this show, Blockbuster, which is, it's a great concept, by the way.
[951] You have, you are running, you find out that they've, that they've, closed like seven blockbusters.
[952] So you are the last.
[953] The last blockbuster.
[954] Yeah.
[955] And it really does have the feeling of the alamo, you know, that, you know, we've lost this wonderful time.
[956] Yeah.
[957] What a golden air it was when everyone went to the blockbuster.
[958] And you guys are the last one.
[959] Last one.
[960] That's right.
[961] And you have a terrific cast.
[962] Incredible cast.
[963] J .B. Melissa Fumerro.
[964] I mean, it's just heavy hitters.
[965] Yeah.
[966] And I first of all, I've, J .B. Smooth.
[967] I met him when he first came on our show years ago.
[968] I think he was a writer on S &L.
[969] I know, yeah.
[970] He would come down and do our show.
[971] And this is before, I think he was really known.
[972] And he was just, and before he did Curb Your Enthusiasm, and he was so instantly funny right away.
[973] He's so, he so himself and distinct.
[974] Yeah, I ask him about SNL all the time.
[975] And because anyone who's touched SNL, I'm just so fascinated, you know.
[976] And he was telling me how, like, during the, I guess the table reads, how he would just kill every time, just put on a show.
[977] And I was like, did you get any, like, did any sketches get on?
[978] He was like, no. No, no, he also, he's famous at Saturday Night Live for, there's a meeting that we used to have that's always been part of the drill there, which is Monday night.
[979] Monday's a slow day.
[980] But then what happens is they bring the host in.
[981] like it's seven o 'clock at night.
[982] So the host would come in and they sit in Lauren's office.
[983] So Lauren sits behind his desk and the host sits in a chair and the rest of us kind of sit on the floor.
[984] Yeah.
[985] It's very...
[986] And then you go around the room and it's all to make the host feel better.
[987] Yeah.
[988] And so...
[989] And if the host has something to say like, hey, I might like to do something where I water ski or I had an idea for this or I had an idea for that, but it's all theater.
[990] Yeah.
[991] And sometimes ideas get pitched in there that end up on the show.
[992] J .B., I wasn't not there at the same time as J .B., but he became famous for telling these elaborate crazy stories about the sketch that would destroy.
[993] I mean, the host is saying, oh, my God, you know, Lady Gaga is saying, this is amazing.
[994] I can't wait to do that.
[995] And then he would never write it up.
[996] It was just theater.
[997] He was also such an out -of -the -box thinker, you know, like I could see.
[998] a lot of his, like, ideas just being, you know, like, how do we do that?
[999] You know, it's hilarious.
[1000] Right.
[1001] But how do we do, you know.
[1002] I can, I, uh, I also imagine if you're on set as you are with J .B. And you're shooting this show, Blockbuster, that he is always himself.
[1003] Oh, always.
[1004] Always doing bits.
[1005] Always being J .V. smooth.
[1006] Yeah.
[1007] And I don't care if you're doing a night shoot and it's four in the morning.
[1008] Yeah.
[1009] And the craft service food was bad and everyone's in a bad mood.
[1010] He'll be doing his step.
[1011] Yes, yes, for sure, for sure.
[1012] And I remember shooting like real late.
[1013] We were in a part, his character plays a manager of a party store, and we're in this party store until really late.
[1014] It must have been four in the morning, and he starts going, just hissing, just hissing like a cat.
[1015] And we're just rolling, dying.
[1016] and he just keeps doing it all night.
[1017] He's a man after my own heart.
[1018] Yeah.
[1019] I don't know what that is.
[1020] That's almost like metabolic comedy.
[1021] That's comedy because either just too much sugar hit you.
[1022] It's happening on a chemical level.
[1023] Oh, for sure.
[1024] And it's hitting us at a chemical level.
[1025] It's just like he's a genius and we love him.
[1026] You have, because this is a really funny idea for show.
[1027] You are, and you're so good at being beleaguered, you know, you really are.
[1028] You have, you're such a great, dry comedic performer that you patiently, that your mission is so, it's like Don Quixote, it's such a foolish mission, but you're so funny at, I need to take, this is very important that we keep this blockbuster going, and the weight of the world is on your shoulders.
[1029] It's biblical.
[1030] It's like Job.
[1031] It's everything.
[1032] It's an impossible task.
[1033] But you're just rolling up your sleeves and I think that's such a funny, it's such a great kind of comedy.
[1034] Oh, I appreciate that.
[1035] Yeah.
[1036] I don't know.
[1037] It's, I think, yeah, it just, that's just kind of what comes most kind of easily to me. I think everybody has their thing that kind of comes easily to them.
[1038] And I feel like something about my life is very beleaguered, I guess.
[1039] Speak of how beleaguered, you also have this terrible task.
[1040] You're in this awkward position of being an increasingly more and more important part of the Marvel world, as Agent Jimmy Wu, but you're also in the DC world.
[1041] That must be very complicated because I don't know how you can inhabit both worlds without fans attacking you.
[1042] Do you know what I mean?
[1043] You're like a, you're like, you're in a blue state, but you're wearing a maggot, you know what I mean?
[1044] Yeah.
[1045] You've got good environmental policy, but, you know, you don't believe in, uh, in getting vaccinated.
[1046] It helps to not be on social media.
[1047] That, that helps.
[1048] But, yeah, I don't know how it happened.
[1049] It just, I kind of book those two jobs at the exact same time, and it just kind of somehow magically happened, you know, because.
[1050] I remember, I think on the same day even, like, hey, you got this Marvel thing and hey, you got this D .C thing.
[1051] Like, and a couple hours later, and I was like, well, do I have to pick one?
[1052] And, you know, my reps were like, well, let's see if we can make them both work.
[1053] And then it just kind of...
[1054] I don't think they told anybody.
[1055] Because I think, I think Marvel people, the people making Marvel movies are probably so snobby about D .C. They won't even watch it.
[1056] And the D .C. people are like, I'm not watching that.
[1057] Shit.
[1058] And so, the Aquaman people aren't watching, you know, they don't know that, I think they don't know.
[1059] It's possible, but they're, I mean, you know, unless they're like my parents and my career, they're about, you know, your whole career has been about deception.
[1060] Yeah, true.
[1061] And that's what's happening right now is you're living a double life.
[1062] You're inhabiting both of these comic universes.
[1063] That's right.
[1064] That's just like the modern day equivalent of being a union scabre.
[1065] You're going to get roughed up in an alley.
[1066] I know, It's like on the water.
[1067] It's cool also because I'm not a superhero.
[1068] I'm just like a regular guy.
[1069] And some say that's the greatest superhero of all.
[1070] Who says that?
[1071] Absolutely nobody.
[1072] Yeah, I don't know.
[1073] No, but I think it's, I mean, actually in a world inhabited by people that can float, shoot beams out of their eyes, walk through walls.
[1074] You know, there's constant portals opening up and they're jumping through.
[1075] being a guy in a suit makes you pop.
[1076] You're a guy in a suit who's got a job to do.
[1077] You're a civil servant.
[1078] It's got its own cool factor to it.
[1079] Yeah, I saw a friend showed me something online.
[1080] Someone had tweeted something about like, oh my God, there's this like quick scene where I'm like bringing coffee to some of my partners.
[1081] And they were like, oh my God, we love that he's bringing coffee to his, you know, his co -workers.
[1082] And I'm like...
[1083] Yeah, you know, that is like something that should be cool.
[1084] You know.
[1085] Because also, I think if you're watching any of the, especially the later Avengers where there's constantly different holes opening up in the sky and dragons made out of fire coming out and Thor is punching Spider -Man.
[1086] I thought you were going to say like the Hulk brought coffee to somebody.
[1087] No, but if you saw the Hulk, Say, Hulk, go get latte.
[1088] Anyone else want hot drink?
[1089] I think everyone would stop for a second.
[1090] And they're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on these CGI effects.
[1091] And if there's just a moment where a Hulk say, or he doesn't even ask, he comes back.
[1092] Oh, that would be amazing.
[1093] Yeah, and he says to Captain America, me see you drink, green tea once.
[1094] Buy you green tea.
[1095] Wow, Hulk.
[1096] Me not sure, green, because everything looked green to me. Yeah, it's not actually green tea.
[1097] It's actually coffee.
[1098] Look green to me. Don't make Hulk mad!
[1099] Me also buy you green cookie.
[1100] No, it's not, oh, Hulk.
[1101] Hulk is he ass.
[1102] You green.
[1103] Everyone green.
[1104] Everyone green.
[1105] Hulk meat lens crafters.
[1106] Okay, Hope.
[1107] Tell us what you see.
[1108] Oh, green.
[1109] Okay.
[1110] Take it easy, Hope.
[1111] Every day, St. Patty's Day.
[1112] Say Patty's Day again?
[1113] Hope just want beer.
[1114] Oh, beer green.
[1115] Hulk, we've been through this.
[1116] Well, this is really stupid.
[1117] Man, Randall, I know you're feeling iffy.
[1118] You're not sure.
[1119] You feel neither here nor there about being my friend, but I would really, I sincerely really want you to be my friend.
[1120] Yeah, me too.
[1121] You are so funny and real and talented, and I'm very happy for you.
[1122] All I ask is if you ever see me at Dodger Stadium in Box, do not approach.
[1123] Yeah, no. You understand that, right?
[1124] No, yeah, yeah.
[1125] It's just, yeah.
[1126] It's just crazy.
[1127] No, I mean, I mean, maybe, you know, I do want, I'm open to the possibility of being your friend.
[1128] because I do want to come to the house and just see the drawing in the frame.
[1129] Oh, you just want, oh wow, what an egotist.
[1130] You want to come to my house just to see the drawing you did in my kitchen.
[1131] It's there.
[1132] I see it every day.
[1133] And it always makes me laugh.
[1134] All right, I will make that happen.
[1135] I will make that happen.
[1136] Randall, absolute pleasure.
[1137] Thank you for being here.
[1138] Thank you, man. And congrats on the new show.
[1139] and just don't pretend you to, you know, don't act like you don't know me next time you're seeing in the street.
[1140] Because you know you're going to.
[1141] No, I won't.
[1142] I'll come up and say hi.
[1143] All right.
[1144] Take care.
[1145] Thank you.
[1146] I need a little help from two pretty practiced parents.
[1147] Okay.
[1148] My daughter tried to buy a Subaru.
[1149] Well, it's a fine car.
[1150] I mean, if she's.
[1151] She's not even won yet.
[1152] She's won this weekend.
[1153] She's won this.
[1154] Okay.
[1155] That's a pretty wise choice, I think, for a first -time car buyer.
[1156] My quibble is not with the car.
[1157] She got on my wife's phone and somehow got on the Offer Up app.
[1158] And my wife got it away from her as it was literally one button left to purchase the Subaru.
[1159] Did she go through all the options?
[1160] I guess I don't know how easy it is to buy.
[1161] I mean, I guess shout out to Offer Up.
[1162] that it's so easy even a child could use it, but also shame on you off her up, it's so easy.
[1163] Did she opt for leather seats?
[1164] I don't know.
[1165] What kind of sound package did she get?
[1166] You know, this happens.
[1167] Have you experienced this yet, Liza?
[1168] I mean, Sona.
[1169] I just heard someone.
[1170] I saw a woman looking at me disapprovingly and I use my wife's name instead of Sona's.
[1171] No, they haven't tried to buy a car yet.
[1172] I mean, that's a big one.
[1173] But, you know, they'll get on the phone, they'll start doing things, they'll lock it, and then you have to just take it away from them.
[1174] But they haven't almost purchased a car.
[1175] I need a car, so I wouldn't mind it.
[1176] We used to nickname, my daughter did not do this.
[1177] My son, we nicknamed him Button Boy, and he was a kid because he was obsessed with tech, and he was constantly, if he saw anyone's phone around or any device, he would grab it and start pushing buttons.
[1178] And he intuitively or magically would always do something.
[1179] change the time and he wasn't he I mean at the earliest stage he was doing that yeah and so we we called him button boy and in a lot of the photographs we have of him as a kid he's always holding a device anything that has a button so he'd find like a cheap plastic almost disposable digital watch on the beach and just hang on to it for months oh my god and keep pushing the buttons did they have busy boards back then because we just got one for Glenn, and it's a woodboard with like 20 switches and lights that they just turn on and off and it's amazing.
[1180] I just sit there and play with it.
[1181] Oh, that's cool.
[1182] Yeah.
[1183] I have a couple toys of the boys I'm obsessed with.
[1184] Like what?
[1185] Like these stacking cups, I need to have all nine of them.
[1186] It's very important.
[1187] Like, they'll be coming to me for attention and I'll just shove them aside to look for these stacking cups.
[1188] What do you mean stacking?
[1189] They're just stacking cups.
[1190] There's just, I have an obsession right now with just keeping this specific toy intact.
[1191] And I don't know why.
[1192] Wait, you have the obsession or they do?
[1193] Yeah, I do.
[1194] Wait, you're playing with a child's toy?
[1195] Yeah, but Matt just said he played with Glenn's toy.
[1196] Yeah, but mine's a busy board.
[1197] Yeah, that's a busy board.
[1198] You're just stacking cups.
[1199] That's called cleaning up in the kitchen.
[1200] You're just doing chores.
[1201] What are you talking about?
[1202] I love this new kid's toy they have.
[1203] It's called laundry and hamper.
[1204] I think it's really fun.
[1205] It just came to you and said, yeah, this is a kid's toy.
[1206] I know that old trick.
[1207] There's nine cups.
[1208] What else are you obsessed with playing with?
[1209] My mom is obsessed with this one turtle toy Where you put the shapes in there And she needs to make sure all the pieces are there You know, I get the sense that you and your mom And probably your dad and your husband Are busy playing with children's toys While Mikey and Charlie are just wandering the highway On foot You're like, look, I stacked them Mikey, Charlie You know, my son's button obsession This is a true story.
[1210] We were in Washington for some event.
[1211] I forget what it was, and we got to have a tour of the White House and they were giving us some special stuff like, oh, you can go here, you can go there.
[1212] And so Liza was with us and my daughter was with us and my son.
[1213] And he's really young at the time.
[1214] And at one point, they took us downstairs and they have this special room.
[1215] And I think it's like the iconic picture of when they got Bin Laden.
[1216] Oh, yeah.
[1217] They showed us.
[1218] those rooms.
[1219] I don't think we were in that room, but we were in the, there's a mirror image room right next to it, and they were showing us that room.
[1220] This is like a situation room?
[1221] Like a situation room.
[1222] And they said, yeah, you can take a look at this room.
[1223] And there's a button in the room.
[1224] And so my son just leans over and hits the button.
[1225] And suddenly, I was just thinking, like, maybe you shouldn't push that.
[1226] Because there's a button in the middle of the situation room.
[1227] My son just leans forward and hits it.
[1228] And very quickly, a door opens up and a guy leans you in and said, everything okay in here.
[1229] And we were like, yeah, everything's.
[1230] fine what and he went oh the like we need someone to come in here button was just pushed and so um and my son was like panicked for a second that he had done something wrong and i said no you did the right thing you saw a button in the white house situation room and you hit it that was not the right well if he didn't i was going to do it what no you should know better you're the adult there was a half second where i thought he had launched a missile yeah and uh but would it be that easy Apparently, they're just all over the place.
[1231] The buttons to launch the missile?
[1232] Yes, definitely.
[1233] And you know what's really bad?
[1234] They look just like light switches.
[1235] Yeah, and you know what?
[1236] They also...
[1237] You're on a busy board.
[1238] Stupidly, they put them right next to the elevator.
[1239] And for the missile to go...
[1240] The missile, if you want to fire a missile up into the atmosphere at another country, it's just a little triangle pointing up.
[1241] Yeah.
[1242] And if you want to fire a torpedo, there's one just going down.
[1243] Okay.
[1244] Yeah.
[1245] True story.
[1246] Oh, it's true.
[1247] It's a true story.
[1248] Oh, it's a true story.
[1249] Okay.
[1250] You two say it's...
[1251] They also have a...
[1252] A bunch over near the snack machine.
[1253] By the vending machine?
[1254] There's a little, there's buttons there too.
[1255] Yeah.
[1256] I think it's A7 is either sun chips or you decimate some part of turkey.
[1257] No, but all joking aside, I do think it's quite a complicated process to launch a missile.
[1258] It must be.
[1259] At least I'm kind of hoping it is.
[1260] I am, oh God.
[1261] You know?
[1262] Yeah.
[1263] What's this button do?
[1264] Oh, no. Okay.
[1265] What would it do in here?
[1266] Well, what button do they have?
[1267] You just created another podcast.
[1268] Oh, no. That's how easy it is to create a podcast.
[1269] It's called jawbonin.
[1270] With Scaz and Millie.
[1271] Scas and Millie just chew the fat from their basement in Santa Clarita.
[1272] Jawbonin.
[1273] Available wherever you get your podcasts.
[1274] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.
[1275] with Conan O 'Brien, Sonam O 'Sessian, and Matt Gourley.
[1276] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.
[1277] Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Solitaroff, and Jeff Ross at Team Koko, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf.
[1278] Theme song by The White Stripes.
[1279] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.
[1280] Take it away, Jimmy.
[1281] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.
[1282] Engineering by Eduardo Perez.
[1283] Additional production support by Mars Melnik.
[1284] talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn.
[1285] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.
[1286] Got a question for Conan?
[1287] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.
[1288] It too could be featured on a future episode.
[1289] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.
[1290] This has been a Team Coca -Cola.
[1291] production in association with Ewol.