Getting Kids to Stop Procrastinating & Interrupting Work Calls

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[24] So what are you going to do when your kids have trouble focusing on their schoolwork?

[25] what happens when they're doing their school work virtually online and they have school videos to watch on YouTube and they're going to be tempted to switch over to more interesting things that you find on YouTube or maybe they're done with their work how do you know and how do you know that they're not actually on screens all day and what if you're a working parent how do you manage all of this that's what we're going to talk about today on the calm parenting podcast so welcome this is kirk martin founder of celebrate calm.

[26] And we are getting inundated with emails and phone calls because some people have already gone back to school, whether it's a hybrid of school in person with some remote learning or all remote learning right now.

[27] And then there are other parents who are dreading it because there are going to be some real, real challenges this school year.

[28] But I think it's also a very big opportunity to take back control of your child's education and to do things differently in ways that build their confidence.

[29] And that's what I'm super psyched about.

[30] So I wanted to share a case study that we've done on our school boot camp program.

[31] And what I love about the school boot camp program, I'll give you 30 seconds on this.

[32] It's awesome because I get to work one -on -one with you.

[33] And there's mentoring involved in which you can email me personally.

[34] I'm working with each individual family to come up with customized solutions for each family.

[35] That's very rare because I usually don't have time for that.

[36] but because we're not traveling, I'm able to do that more, and I'm loving it.

[37] And it's extremely helpful.

[38] So you get all kinds of written and audio materials from us.

[39] We've already done our 10 steps that I want you to do.

[40] That's a foundation.

[41] We show you how to get kids off screens, how to help jumpstart their brains, push through when things get hard.

[42] But we also throughout the school year, we'll be recording special Q &A sessions and case studies to help you as it goes long and I'm going to help you personally.

[43] And it's not expensive at all.

[44] Seriously, it's way cheaper in therapy and you get my help.

[45] So look up CelebrateColm .com, look up school boot camp.

[46] It's awesome.

[47] So here's one of the case studies we did.

[48] It is a mom and dad right in.

[49] They've got two boys and their third grade and first grade.

[50] We also handle older kids, middle school, high school.

[51] But this one, just roll with me here, even if you have older kids because there'll be things that are relevant to you.

[52] So third grade and first carried last spring.

[53] It was a nightmare getting work done because they wouldn't get their work done.

[54] They would procrastinate until 5 p .m. And then we'd fight all night.

[55] Sounds lovely.

[56] So got it.

[57] This year, though, we're not going to sit the whole year.

[58] This is an opportunity to teach your kids the way their brains work best.

[59] So we're going to start using some movement.

[60] We're going to have kids sitting on an exercise ball, rolling a tennis ball underneath their foot, doing chair pushups, chewing, fidgeting.

[61] There are all kinds of ways to introduce movement and stimulate your child's brain while they're watching online and even while they're in the classroom.

[62] And we're going to cover all of that.

[63] Look, the reason we procrastinate is because we push hard things off because we feel overwhelmed and procrastination is a way to stimulate the brain.

[64] If I put things off to the last minute, there'll be pressure and then I'll get it done.

[65] It is a negative tool, but a helpful tool that many of us use.

[66] So I want to show you how to jumpstart your child's brain so you get an early win.

[67] And it's one of the things you'll hear on the program.

[68] We want to begin with a win.

[69] Begin with a win so we can build some momentum.

[70] We get small successes and we use momentum to help your kids get their work done.

[71] So I ask the parents, and this is what I will ask you if you sign up for the program too, what does motivate your child?

[72] What does your child love doing?

[73] And the third grader loves sports.

[74] Past couple days he's been watching old college football games on TV.

[75] his entire football outfit because he has to dress the part and then ask me to come and watch and play.

[76] He loves riding his bike, important, loves fancy sports cars.

[77] We can use that.

[78] And he especially likes high school and college age kids.

[79] We can use that.

[80] So I want you to observe your kids because they will tell you how to teach and motivate them by observing their natural tendencies.

[81] So look, we can make analogies to sports.

[82] You can do math related to football points.

[83] right you can do addition subtraction multiplication algebra using point spreads between the two teams right so you can use their natural curiosity you can do word problems and create stories between two separate teams and this team got off to a lead and they've got two touchdowns but the other team just got a a field goal how many more points do they have to get to take the lead there are there are thousands of variations of that but you can use real life situations at the grocery store is a fantastic way to teach math.

[84] And I'm finding with my experience, I'm volunteering in an inner city community center.

[85] These are at -risk kids.

[86] And so I am putting all of this into practice.

[87] And I'm having to, at times, look at their worksheet and say, let's cover up the worksheet.

[88] Let me tell you a story.

[89] See, in stories, you can create context, which is really important.

[90] And it's really helpful at times to actually go through your child's curriculum.

[91] And I'm finding Look, I'm going through multiple kids a day that I'm working with, and I'm looking at the curriculum, the little packet of information from school, and I'm like, that's pretty confusing, and I'm 54.

[92] So I'm kind of rewriting the curriculum for them so that they can get it, and I'm drawing them in using stories because it draws them in, and you see the light bulb go off inside, and they're like, oh, now I get it.

[93] it's not just numbers on a page this is related to me right i use manipulatives the kid the other day we were building we were doing his math facts and he's building things with jenga blocks right because he can feel it in his hands for older kids you can use their instagram followers you have this many followers your friend has this many what percentage increase in your popularity fake popularity do you need in order to be as fake popular as him right so take back control and learn to do that.

[94] So he likes to get dressed up in his entire football uniform.

[95] Good.

[96] So use that.

[97] So maybe every day for school, he dresses up in a different way.

[98] Monday, it's one team.

[99] Maybe Tuesday it's a different sport.

[100] I don't care.

[101] Use it.

[102] Maybe in order to feel like, you know, dad going to work, he wears a shirt and tie.

[103] I don't know.

[104] You don't know what's going to work.

[105] So try everything.

[106] If you can take a break during the school day.

[107] If you can and during your work day, because many of you were working from home, home and I strongly encourage you to do so for this child he loves to ride on bikes so go ride on bikes right if you can do it make a picnic lunch throw it a couple pb and jays go for a bike ride do your homework and school work while they're outside eating on the ground set up maybe you set up just a little obstacle course and he has to ride his bike through or maybe you time and say hey you've got a ride from here to here around the block let's see if you can do it in under 58 seconds make it very specific and then challenge him right because he's like a Ferrari on his bike and you affirm him like man you're getting so fast and now his face is all red and he's all like he's breathing hard that's a great time to quiz your child on math facts and vocabulary words while he's actually on his bike because the endorphins of fresh air and accomplishment in any area of strength all those things are really helpful look try everything i would encourage i encourage these parents i was like maybe just maybe you bring in his bike and let him sit on his bike while he's watching his zoom class or better yet get one of those indoor bike trainer stands where you put the bike on it and the kid can pedal but stays in place it's a hundred bucks but you let him ride while he's watching his videos and doing work i don't see why there's see we've wanted for years to be able to go into the schools and what i train teachers to do and we're still doing uh training via Zoom and some live training too so reach out to us if you want to train your school PTA school assemblies Casey's doing school assemblies by Zoom it's really cool so just reach out to Casey at celebrate calm .com and and we'll send you a quote we'll show you how to do it's pretty cool but we've wanted for years to be able to teach our kids in different ways now you have an opportunity because you don't have to worry about them distracting all the other kids in class while your kids do weird things so try it and we also found out he looks up to older kids Huh.

[108] So watch, this is a cool idea.

[109] I guarantee you there are tons of smart board college kids stuck at home because they weren't able to go live in dorms this fall.

[110] And so you could hire a local college kid or a high school kid because look, I've got friends their kids are done with school every day by like noon or 1 o 'clock.

[111] They have time to do things.

[112] I'm starting to recruit them to go to the community center with me because it's really cool for them.

[113] Look, you can hire them to help tutor and to do their schoolwork.

[114] And it's cool because your son looks up to older kids and they're going to listen to older kids or other adults more than they're going to listen to you because you're just the stupid parent.

[115] And it's a lot cheaper, right?

[116] Right, to do that, especially a lot cheaper than going to therapy from yelling at your kids all day.

[117] You can also hire those kids, take my child outside, wear them out a little bit.

[118] Right.

[119] You know what happens.

[120] You do the world two favors.

[121] One, your son gets to look up to an older kid.

[122] He now has a mentor, someone he listens to, that takes an interest in him.

[123] And that older kid who's helping may just be one of our teenage kind of kids, who's bored and but gets along really well with younger kids, like many of your kids.

[124] They get along better with little kids and older kids and animals, but not kids their own age.

[125] And so you just gave him a job to do, doing something meaningful and he gets to go he gets look his family may get a break from him while he's over helping your child and now he's doing something meaningful and it costs you a lot less than getting regular tutor and if you need to get a professional tutor by all means doing i'm not trying to take work away from them but what the heck use what you got okay how do we get them off screens uh after his work is done i'm going to save that for later i i've got a whole section we're doing a ton of that in the school boot camp.

[126] It's a little bit longer answer.

[127] So I'm just going to save that for that.

[128] Mom says, I need him to get his work done more quickly.

[129] Here's the thing.

[130] I can't promise he's going to work as quickly as you want because most of our kids have very, very busy brains and they don't process things that quickly all the time.

[131] Sometimes they're more, they're slower processors, but deeper processors, which is an advantage in the real world, but usually a disadvantage in school.

[132] So they work better in spurts with momentum.

[133] So you're going to have to manage their energy, not their time.

[134] And I want you to reset your expectations, type A, mom and dad, because you're going to be like, well, just sit it down, go for it.

[135] That's not the way their brains work.

[136] He also compares his workload to his younger brother, who doesn't have to do as much, and it's not fair.

[137] Of course, it's not fair.

[138] I don't like having to work harder than other people.

[139] But I only do it because there's usually a reward for it somewhere.

[140] could we provide some unequal rewards as well?

[141] Maybe older child gets a special privilege he gets to enjoy it with dad because he's the big kid and the firstborn.

[142] So you do more work, you get more privileges, even if he just makes something up.

[143] He loses steam throughout the day.

[144] He get excited about a product comes up with great ideas, but when it comes time to do the work, he wants us to do the typing or put ideas down on paper for him.

[145] We wouldn't, of course, but then that would lead to him not doing the work or doing the minimum.

[146] It's frustrating.

[147] so many great ideas, but he didn't get turned in because he wouldn't complete the project.

[148] So two thoughts.

[149] One is in the program, we're going to go through how to jumpstart his brain, use momentum, maximize his brain energy, and we're going to show you how to do writing projects in a completely different way because it is extremely difficult to get those thoughts down from head to paper because they just swirl in the brain.

[150] So I'm going to show you how to do that.

[151] But here's here's what I want to encourage you to do.

[152] Sometimes just write the words down for him.

[153] You're just going to have to do it, right?

[154] And you're just going to have to write the words down, and maybe you type some things in form.

[155] And I know you're going to be like, oh, but he needs to learn how to do it.

[156] And yes, he does in certain ways.

[157] But it's also third grade.

[158] It's not working at a real job.

[159] It's not rocket science here.

[160] It's third grade.

[161] And so I encourage you, I don't want to make this, harder than it needs to be either for him or for you guys right so if he's engaged right like he's got this idea and he's pacing around the kitchen because that's how often how this works and he's pacing because he's pacing because he thinks better while he's pacing around and he's mentioning all these things one thing you can do is have a whiteboard there and he jots down one idea that he gets while he's walking around and you put it into a template, a structure, five blocks, introduction, three support points, conclusion, and maybe JOTS that down, but you write a lot of the notes down.

[162] I don't have a problem with doing that for him as long as he's not saying, well, why don't you write it for me?

[163] If he's engaged, he's coming up with ideas, you're becoming, you're a tool that is helping him right now until he gets a little bit older, until he gets a little bit of confidence, then he'll start doing it.

[164] But don't make it harder than it needs to be.

[165] And you're going to have to resist the urge because you want to get all anxious and project into the future thinking, well, we can't do it.

[166] You know, we can't do his work for him.

[167] How will he be able to succeed in college or the real world because mommy can't come to the dorm room?

[168] But I promise you that he will change.

[169] He'll be independent when he's older and when he's motivated.

[170] But don't make things harder than they need to be.

[171] It's a third grade project.

[172] It has nothing to do with his future.

[173] It has no bearing on his future success.

[174] And all of us are going to have to have to define.

[175] what is really important what isn't use a long -term focus not what is being asked of them right now because much of the work that they're being asked to do is arbitrary you're the parent you know what's important and you know what isn't and we've got two working parents here who are tag team schooling the kids right so that is difficult you're not going to get everything done so choose wisely choose the important things now what happens when we get interrupted at work i'd hang something red or a big red stop sign your home office door or around your neck or hold up a sign when you see him coming in, it's a nonverbal.

[176] It's red.

[177] It means stop, right?

[178] I want to use that so he learns to respect the need for quiet.

[179] Now, if you're on a call in your little home office or wherever it is, you could have your sensory come in, to cot child come in, lie underneath your feet and you roll a ball across his back or maybe you give him some sensory pressure while you're on the call.

[180] That way you're connecting.

[181] You meet this need while you're focusing on your work project.

[182] And maybe that keeps you awake during boring Zoom meetings for work, right?

[183] But be creative with it.

[184] So I encourage you with that.

[185] I wanted to share what this mom said.

[186] Found a podcast last week.

[187] We were fighting over school work.

[188] I proceeded to listen to every podcast and cried through most knowing that there wasn't anything wrong with my son.

[189] And I wanted to end this with knowing there's nothing wrong with your kids.

[190] They may be wired differently, but that's just different.

[191] Different doesn't mean wrong.

[192] It doesn't mean bad.

[193] It just means you have to work differently with their brains.

[194] And your kids are going to be just fine.

[195] You're just going to have to be a little bit creative in how we do school.

[196] So if we can help you with that, reach out to us.

[197] We've got a 50 % off sale while it lasts right now on the school boot camp program.

[198] You can reach out to Casey for help with that.

[199] If you have questions we've got a massive back -to -school sale on our regular programs that is 60 % off so if you need help with anything emails tell us about your family your situation and we will recommend the right products within your budget will help you out but thank you for listening and we'll talk to you soon and be sure if you don't mind spread the news tell all other people about the calm parenting podcast if you find this helpful because you never know they might just get insight into their kids that changes their relationships that's kind of a cool thing and that's what we love doing talk to you soon bye bye Thank you.