The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz XX
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[14] This is the Dan Levatore show with the Stucats podcast.
[15] They're making another Karate Kid sequel to the one that he did like 10 years ago with Jaden Smith.
[16] No. Yeah, 2025.
[17] Did I read correctly on the internet that it's supposed to tie in all the Karate Kid Converses?
[18] Yes, it's going to, it's the multiverse coming together.
[19] Everybody.
[20] Miyagi Doe.
[21] Including Cobra Kai from Netflix?
[22] Yes.
[23] Everybody.
[24] They're all coming back.
[25] Well, other than Mr. Miyagi, rest of peace.
[26] But everybody else is coming back.
[27] Oh, man. Mike sounds disappointed.
[28] What?
[29] I'm just multiverses.
[30] I'm just done.
[31] Well, this is one that needs to happen.
[32] I'm all for, I don't like multiverses just for the sake of multiverses.
[33] I like it when we're merging.
[34] We're merging universes here, so they're all seeing canon.
[35] That's what we need here.
[36] Is there one above all others that would excite you more than the others?
[37] Because I'm surprised by this Karate Kid reaction.
[38] from you that you want all of these things tied together when the most recent entries into this haven't been very good and certainly not as memorable as the first.
[39] You know what they're tying together?
[40] It's an upcoming movie.
[41] It's in active development greenlit.
[42] G .I. Joe with Transformers.
[43] Whoa!
[44] The crossover.
[45] I read those comics in like 1987 where there's a crossover between G .I. Joe and Transformers.
[46] Unfortunately, we've got, I think, one good Transformers movie, the Michael Baylot, the first one.
[47] with Tyler Buff and Megan Fox but we've never gotten a good G .I. Joe movie and I would say to Hollywood before you cross those two over you gotta give me one good G .I. Joe movie because G .I. Joe has all the makings of a great franchise if you just gave a shit about the writing and not just explosions and C .G .I. How about G .I. Joe Transformers and Robert De Niro, a thick Robert De Niro falling, plummeting for several stories in what is the few rigors before final rigor mortis.
[48] Hear me out here.
[49] it's a dystopian future Sergeant Slaughter is 81 years old Stolen Valor What?
[50] Yeah he never actually served And he went around Like pretending that he did Wait Sergeant Slaughter from G .I. Joe Wasn't actually a sergeant?
[51] No. Was his name Slaughter?
[52] In real life?
[53] Yeah.
[54] It couldn't have been I don't think so.
[55] It's not Warren Sharp and it's not Sergeant Slot.
[56] Yeah, but he would He was from an era of wrestling where they kept K -Fabe and he just, like, kept pretending he had served.
[57] Like, people would say thank you for your service.
[58] He'd be, like, anytime young man. Dude, how do you...
[59] Look, are we penalizing people for being in character?
[60] I'm sorry, for committing to the art form, the Thespianism.
[61] I don't think that that's what he was doing.
[62] I kind of feel like it was.
[63] That's...
[64] Look, if Daniel Day Lewis did it, you'd be jerking off all over yourself.
[65] Oh, come on.
[66] Yeah, I would be.
[67] Aggressive description.
[68] I mean, what is it?
[69] What is that?
[70] I'm just saying.
[71] You know what?
[72] That's me. That's me. Daniel Day Lewis does something.
[73] I see that photo of Daniel Day Lewis looking like Lincoln before he's about to start filming Lincoln.
[74] And you know what I do?
[75] I mean, I jerk off all over myself.
[76] That's what I do.
[77] Lincoln, who you outed the other day?
[78] Don't make this a rejoin because context needs to be applied.
[79] I'm clearly being sarcastic.
[80] I only do that when Tom Cruise is preparing.
[81] Oh, man, Tom Cruise.
[82] Let's talk about Tom Cruise, man. I can't get enough of Tom Cruise talk.
[83] it's amazing did you know that he's only made one other than the Mission Impossible movies he's only made one sequel in his entire career every single one of these great movies he delivers us outside the great Mission Impossible movies are one off Top Gun is the only sequel he's ever done I believe so is that right that's the only sequel that can't be right that simply can't be right I'm the Mission Impossible all of the Mission Impossible Wow the Richard Jack Reacher was just one down No Jack Reacher had sequels Wow And when you do seven sequels for one franchise, it's like, what are we playing with?
[84] You got your myth boss, yeah.
[85] Okay, hold on.
[86] We've got a major penalty, five minutes.
[87] Deerailing.
[88] I could talk about Tom Cruise for hours.
[89] Let me give you this amazing fact that's immediately disproven by Jack Reacher.
[90] I mean, I can talk for hours about Tom Cruise.
[91] Let me regal you with tail.
[92] Regal.
[93] That's a fine.
[94] Don't play with your drawstrings.
[95] Major penalty, five minutes, four stumbling.
[96] The only way I'm in for the G .I. Joe Transformers crossover if somebody's disavowed by the U .S. government.
[97] Is somebody going to be disavowed by the U .S. government in that?
[98] Well, it's got to be G .I. Joe, right?
[99] That's the G .I. Joe movie, right?
[100] The G .I. Joe movie is that G .I. Joe, there's some government agency that's like, you know, we're spending how much on these guys?
[101] These guys are just mercenaries.
[102] And then they cut them loose.
[103] but then Cobra, Cobra teams up with the Decepticons and everyone realized They get the Tessaract.
[104] And they get the Tessaract.
[105] And the only way we can save the world is if G .I. Joe comes in.
[106] Meanwhile, Optimus Prime, maybe Optimus Prime is the old.
[107] He said the All Spark in Transformers.
[108] Oh, it's the Matrix.
[109] They had to change the name.
[110] But it was called the Matrix.
[111] Remember, when Optimus Prime died and they took it out of his chest and they gave it the hot rod, he became Rodhamus Prime.
[112] And then they played that great song, You got to touch.
[113] Bam, bam, bam.
[114] You got the power!
[115] And then all of a sudden, like, the Autobots just go rolled out.
[116] And then they thought they killed Megatron, but then this planet, Unicron, right?
[117] It's a planet that eats other planets, finds the bloodied and beaten.
[118] Well, not bloody, because the robot, Megatron floating in space because Starscream sold him out.
[119] He was like, yo, this guy's not a worthy leader.
[120] So they cast him aside.
[121] He was in space.
[122] He's going to die.
[123] And Unicron came up and said, I'm going to make you even better.
[124] He turned him to Galvatron.
[125] You know, Megatron, if you remember, was just a gun.
[126] He turned into a gun.
[127] Calvin Johnson, yeah.
[128] Galvatron turned into a cannon, dude, a laser ion cannon.
[129] These universes need to get more ambitious if they're going to shoot for these crossovers.
[130] I just don't understand why they don't just follow the source material.
[131] The source material is there.
[132] We don't need to be cute about any of this.
[133] You know what I would really pop for is just like, all right, this is a Transformers movie.
[134] But it's in Aaron Brockovich's universe.
[135] Oh, my God.
[136] Julia Roberts is back.
[137] I love that idea.
[138] Yeah, and she's just there.
[139] Like, now you got to deal with, like, yeah, you thought that that town's water supply was bad.
[140] Now, guess what?
[141] Decepticons.
[142] The water supply is getting worse again, and everyone's like, it's the big bad industrial company.
[143] Like, no, it's not us.
[144] We swear.
[145] Turns out it is the Decepticons.
[146] They've been doing this.
[147] They're poisoning in the town's water supply.
[148] And now, who's got to come in to save the day?
[149] None other than Ethan Hunt.
[150] Who's been disavowed by.
[151] Oh, thank God.
[152] Do you think Ethan's age, the character, not Tom, do you think, at any point they start referencing this agent's getting up there i think when tom can't do the stunts as well because he's starting to his face is changing his face definitely has signs of aging but man his hair his hair is incredible and he's still jumping and running like a 30 year old he looks fluid he's got a great gait yeah like that's the thing everyone's to tell about hgh look hg hg don't do that oh no it's doing something he's doing something it don't do that i would love to know his diet Do you think he just, like, doesn't drink?
[153] Like, what is he going on?
[154] Is he, like, Mark Wahlberg?
[155] Like, he, up at, like, four in the morning, works out.
[156] Works out three times this day.
[157] He goes back to work out.
[158] Have you ever seen that, that IG reel, the TikTok, like, my 24 hours is three days.
[159] Yeah, yeah.
[160] My first day, six hours.
[161] You give me three, you stack three of those, I'm gonna kick your butt.
[162] Yeah.
[163] Sack day two, 12 to six.
[164] Yeah, I'm ahead of the game.
[165] You sack that over?
[166] I'm gonna kick your ass.
[167] that guy.
[168] I haven't seen it, but it's great.
[169] It's great.
[170] I've seen it.
[171] It's great.
[172] You guys have been making fun of me because I'm always talking about how many, just the great proliferation of over 50 action stars, Liam Neeson.
[173] Bob Odenkirk with a wink did an action movie as sort of just a tribute to how absurd it is that we continue to make these old people still Hollywood action stars.
[174] But we were talking about Chuck Norris earlier in the show.
[175] You're talking about superimposing him on.
[176] a green screen.
[177] You have no proof that Chuck Norris is actually on the set during this movie, correct?
[178] From what it is that you've seen what's going to Hulu?
[179] I hope we have the still image of the group shot that they have in this film.
[180] It's very clearly a dummy that is in place of Chuck Norris.
[181] They didn't get Chuck Norris or he just, he didn't want to fly into the set that day.
[182] And every single solo shot of Chuck Norris in the film is very clearly, according to reports him in front of a green screen and for group shots they only shoot from the back it's very clearly a dummy it's not like a mannequin not not an idiot the reason why is because he's so decrepit at this point he can't be moving around too much i just don't think yeah i'll take that money but i don't want to go anywhere you think what who do you think falls into the ocean better at that age chuck norris or robert denier well do we have the video of chuck norris lifting weights because i would i would venture to say it's easy easily truck Norris.
[183] But I think they both fall like something that is cement soap.
[184] Like a mannequin.
[185] So you push a mannequin over and that's what it looked like.
[186] Was that really Robert De Niro?
[187] Do we know that?
[188] It could have been just a stunt dummy.
[189] But when they mentioned Greg Cody, Greg Cody has a similar thickness to him.
[190] This is not a frail 80 -year -old De Niro.
[191] Brian Dennyhee barrel chest type of thing.
[192] That is like an all -timer.
[193] Who's your favorite barrel chest?
[194] I like Don Nelson.
[195] Don Nelson's great.
[196] You know he has a house made of hemp?
[197] I mean, he is somebody who is very famously a marijuana advocate, but no, I did put it on the poll, please.
[198] Did you know that Don Nelson, Sr. had a house made of hemp because I don't think that's common knowledge.
[199] But he also had, I don't know whether I'd go barrel chested with Don Nelson because it was mostly gin belly.
[200] Yes.
[201] It was aggressive gin belly.
[202] The chest had fallen.
[203] Well, the chest had fallen into the belly region.
[204] so there's a thickness there, but it's just his titties are sitting on the shelf that is his belly.
[205] He said titties, and he, like, shocked me a little bit.
[206] I wasn't quite prepared for titties.
[207] In that case, my favorite barrel chest is that man right there.
[208] That golden god.
[209] Chris Cody, last scene drawing his strings in an interview with his face too close to do a...
[210] Look at that nip.
[211] To a tongue of Iloa.
[212] It is a barrel chest.
[213] It is a...
[214] You make whiskey with this thing.
[215] and those nipples were in cahoots, clearly, with Roger Goodell, Tua, the Dolphins, and the NFL to crush the minority candidacy of Brian Flores for future employment.
[216] He's a member of the GBF.
[217] No, he's 1440.
[218] Yeah, 1440 boys.
[219] That's the crime family that syndicate.
[220] Get a new selfie, though, so that we can put it up there with the nips.
[221] Can you guys please tell me, Mike Ryan was reading to me the new Fox lineup here.
[222] and I don't know the curiosity, so I will ask the group.
[223] I know many of you have objected to me talking about sports media.
[224] But I find it interesting that Skip Bayliss is rather quietly.
[225] Not enough was made of this.
[226] I mean, you spend eight years at a network and you don't get a goodbye show?
[227] I don't think he wanted one.
[228] I think I'm entitled to one.
[229] Do you think Skip Bayliss had like heartfelt words to say in his goodbye?
[230] oh the guy's probably this goodbye would have been like brawny james is going to be better than lebron because lebron wasn't that good to begin with okay so but we've talked before about his existence being fundamentally eat chicken and broccoli every day work out a couple times a day and do sports debate television it's his whole life he's even said ernestine understands that she takes second place to how career driven he is he's married yes yeah and and he is obsessed with this thing married did the game that that that he now is tries to evolve in his 70s and Fox is moving on from him and what's their lineup going to look like.
[231] Many of you think that I am bitter about sports television.
[232] I just like it to be better.
[233] I don't think it's that hard.
[234] I don't think it's that hard to make it better.
[235] Nick Wright makes it better.
[236] Well, Nick Wright is once again the anchor of the entire FS1 lineup.
[237] They have trotted out and announced their brand new daily lineup and it's beginning at 8 a .m. was the Carton show is now Breakfast Ball.
[238] What's Tim Hardaway going to do now?
[239] Different people?
[240] Different cast.
[241] It seems like Carton's there.
[242] He's front and center.
[243] With Plexico Burris and Tim Hardaway.
[244] March Lareth is on this image.
[245] And our friend Danny Parkins is also getting on this show.
[246] So that's cool.
[247] So that is one of Nick Wright's closest friends here.
[248] This is an interesting thing to watch here.
[249] How Nick Wright accrues power there as he takes over the Bayless spot.
[250] Wow.
[251] Way to take away Danny's achievements and attribute them to just knowing Nick Wright.
[252] Parkins is very good, and Nick Wright is helping build the economy around him at a network that's going to support the things that Nick Wright is building.
[253] Next show.
[254] So this means my guy Jacobi's out.
[255] My guy, Tim Hardaway's out.
[256] He may still be a contributor.
[257] He just didn't make the graphic.
[258] What do you guys want for me?
[259] I thought Michelle Beatle was reported to be a part of that show.
[260] I don't know what you want from me. I'm just reading the graphic.
[261] Like, if Michelle Beatle's a part of the show, why isn't she in the graphic?
[262] Take that up with the graphic department, but this is what's out there, okay?
[263] The next show is The Facility And this stars Emmanuel Acho Lashon McCoy James Jones, I think The former Green Bay Packers Wide receiver that head of Hody That's two question marks I'm pretty sure And I think It's a white guy with a beard So it's tough But I believe this is Chase Daniel The former Heisman candidate Longtime back out Is it?
[264] Or is that Rob Nikcovich Ooh that could be It's tough This is not high res In my defense It could be Niko I don't know Wait That's Chase That's Chase That's Chase Okay but where's Where's Joy Taylor?
[265] I'm getting to it.
[266] Guys, you're scared of me. You want to do this or should I?
[267] No, I'm just asking questions.
[268] Cut to the chase.
[269] That's not a show on the line of.
[270] Wow, that's a great name.
[271] Wow.
[272] Why isn't it called that?
[273] Someone get that show and get the drawstring guy from Levitari.
[274] Get that guy on there.
[275] The Herd with Colin Cowherd at noon.
[276] First Things First, which is not the first thing that is first, but it is the anchor.
[277] It is at 3 o 'clock.
[278] And Speak continues on with the leftovers of Undisputed.
[279] Paul Pierce, who sucks, Kishon Johnson and Joy Taylor hosting that show.
[280] But keep in mind, if you take anything away from this conversation, it's that Paul Pierce sucks.
[281] In the NFL, there is no margin for error.
[282] One mistake can change the outcome of the game.
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[294] C store for details.
[295] Don Lebertard.
[296] You owe me everything.
[297] You owe me everything.
[298] You have added 10 years to my career.
[299] Yes, I have.
[300] This man has.
[301] You have it.
[302] Stugats.
[303] I am.
[304] Who's being bullshit.
[305] You're a rude young man. You're a fool.
[306] You're a fool.
[307] You're a fool.
[308] I already called you a fool.
[309] You can't call me. You're an idiot again.
[310] It's a fool of.
[311] You're an idiot twice.
[312] You're an idiot for dismissing how much I've helped you.
[313] This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats.
[314] That's right.
[315] It's Thursday Thunder and it's brought to you by Draft Kings.
[316] Stay tuned because you're going to hear more about what Draft Kings has to offer all throughout the show.
[317] Draft Kings, the crown is yours.
[318] Tony, what did you cook up?
[319] Bebe.
[320] Thank you.
[321] The beautiful mind of Jujugadi's put together another...
[322] Another banger of a parlay.
[323] Three legs on this one.
[324] First leg, we're going Paul Skeen's strikeouts under seven and a half.
[325] Really?
[326] Under seven and a half for Paul Skeens.
[327] I'd be scared of that.
[328] With a quick caveat of player must start and throw at least one pitch.
[329] I want him to go...
[330] Every time he pitches, I expect double -digit strikeouts.
[331] I'm scared of betting the under there.
[332] I should tell the people, Juju cares about this deeply.
[333] He invests in this.
[334] He takes great.
[335] great care with it and he keeps going two out of three like he's never going one out of three he's never going oh for three if you're been betting juju individually you're winning money because he keeps going two of three second leg of the thursday thunder chicago bears minus one against the kansas city chiefs tonight on de facto thursday night football very exciting i'm just scared of and you can't bet preseason games you got to be a crazy person three weeks away from amazon cow thursday night oh give me that i don't count chiefs ravens that that's too good Give me the slop.
[336] Last leg, New York Liberty against the Dallas Wings, New York Liberty at home.
[337] Juju's taking the under at 95 and a half total team points for the Liberty.
[338] So again, under Paul Skeen's strikeouts at 7 .5.
[339] Chicago Bears minus one in a pickum and under 95 .5 points for your New York Liberty.
[340] I saw that Caitlin Clark and Angel Reese are tops in Jersey sales, a whole bunch of fresh blood coming to the WNBA and no sign of dissipation in terms of the momentum that they've built over the last 18 months.
[341] The idea that you're just injecting the equivalent of bird magic early in career rivalry stuff, that's where the NBA started to blossom when it became when it became the competition between these two people that a whole bunch of different people liked or disliked.
[342] This is the tipping point, Dan, right?
[343] Like this is, and the funny thing is when you think about it, the NBA was about, I want to say, 35 years old, a little bit shy of 35 years old when Bird and Magic came along, right?
[344] Games still on tape delay.
[345] The finals games in 1981 are still on tape delay in the middle of the night.
[346] It's like, it's after midnight you're watching finals games being decided.
[347] After the late show, right?
[348] After Carson is on and they're going to throw that on.
[349] So now you think about the WMBA, which started in 1996, and that's coming up on around 30 years.
[350] So like, this is it.
[351] This is what it's all building for, and this speaks to, hey, Rome wasn't built in a day.
[352] None of these great franchises, none of these great industries or sports were instant.
[353] They were built over time, and there's a tipping point, and this is the tipping point.
[354] It feels like for the WMBA, it doesn't mean that these are the two best players, but they're the ones that are pushing it across that line.
[355] Amin has reached another, I think, technological tipping point.
[356] If you know what means history, you know that as an advanced scout and an information broker, he made his living in this country trying to figure out advantages that his organization could have over other organizations when he was with the Phoenix Suns.
[357] It's how he hustled his way up into the front office in this business.
[358] Are you objecting to the technology that is now happening in baseball with these pitching machines?
[359] I don't know if you guys have seen some of what's happened in baseball, okay?
[360] But if you're not following closely, every second baseman is reach, every shortstop is reaching into his pocket and grabbing a set of notes that tells him exactly where to play for every hitter, and they've got so much information that they're using, that it is simply crazy, the place that baseball has arrived, both knowledge, talent, and I would say thirdly, the technology, And now these pitching machines are able to simulate almost exactly how it is that Clayton Kershaw's slider or curveball is going to come in from a pitching machine that is also visually creating for you.
[361] It looks exactly like Clayton Kershaw, throwing you baseballs.
[362] And now the technology is simulating exactly two dozen of his curveball so that you can get the timing of it perfectly right.
[363] More.
[364] So think about a regular pitching machine.
[365] Now build a LED screen in front of it, and it's projecting an image of the picture that you're about to face going through his wind -up, his routine and his release, and then the ball comes out of a hole in the middle of the screen.
[366] And so what they're able to do is preload hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of pitches and have the AI algorithmically create and simulate these pitches.
[367] and so the argument a lot of pitchers are making, and I learned about this all from, I believe Jeff Passon had something about it.
[368] The argument of the pictures are making is like, this is not natural, right?
[369] Like, it's one thing for Barry Bonds.
[370] We played the clip last week, right?
[371] Barry Bonds and Greg Maddix, and they're just watching independently the film, and they're both telling you what's going to happen.
[372] But that's based on these guys are, A, baseball geniuses, and B, they played a shit ton of baseball.
[373] I love that clip so much.
[374] You might as well have had Daniel Day Lewis prepping for a role.
[375] My favorite part was when Greg Maddox says, I probably should, like, experience tells me I should do this, but I'm probably going to do the wrong thing here.
[376] And sure enough, he does the wrong thing.
[377] That's a good pitch, though.
[378] It's a good pitch.
[379] He does point that out.
[380] But again, these guys built whole careers of doing this the hard way, basically of facing one another and learning each other's tendencies.
[381] And now a kid can sit down and basically download a career's worth of knowledge And within 15 minutes, I get the gist of it.
[382] But isn't that the beauty of everywhere we're headed in our addiction to these things that give us a lifetime of wisdom so that we don't have to actually learn anything?
[383] We just have to learn how to find it.
[384] Like that that's, that that is where all of us are headed with the addiction to this appendage of a phone.
[385] I have at my access the ability to see all of life's philosophers, wisdoms accrued throughout the world's history at my fingertips.
[386] Why wouldn't I use that information to gain advantages wherever advantages are to be gained?
[387] I think it's not about gaining advantages so much as it's about the desire to have the knowledge.
[388] In other words, I think the problem is people are just finding the information and just, oh, that's all I need is that, right?
[389] Imagine me giving you a book and you say, all I need is page three.
[390] And you give me the rest of the book until something comes up from page seven and you come and you take that page.
[391] And that kind of betrays the whole spirit of wanting to learn, wanting knowledge.
[392] I'll give you a great example that's going super viral right now, the use of the word demure.
[393] And I'm like, you know, one of my friends said, you know, it tells me that a lot of you guys did not get good grades in English.
[394] Demure is like some word you've just discovered all at the same time and decided all to use it all the same time.
[395] It's like, come on, where is our desire to actually know things?
[396] as opposed to just picking it up from somewhere else and then running with it for a few weeks.
[397] Doesn't everybody want shortcuts to learning, no?
[398] I think shortcuts to learning is, man, it's one of those things where the journey is maybe more important than the destination.
[399] Say that to my grass.
[400] Journey is not part of the destination.
[401] I wish somebody would have told me, hey, this is how you actually cut the grass.
[402] You do X, Y, and Z. Like, I should have watched a YouTube video on it.
[403] By the way, I have a leaky toilet at this new place, and I'm trying to watch a video on it, and a guy on the train today next to me, it was like, this guy doesn't know how to fix the toilet.
[404] Yeah, dude, I don't know how to fix a toilet.
[405] Very demure of you.
[406] My dad didn't teach me how to fix a toilet.
[407] Man, let me just say, I try to fix my toilet and never again.
[408] I hate, you know, the number one thing I hate more than anything is walking in the Home Depot saying, hey, this is my problem?
[409] Like, is this something I should get someone?
[410] Like, no, that's an easy fix.
[411] You can do it yourself.
[412] And I'm like, oh, cool.
[413] It's never an easy fix.
[414] Have you ever ever, ever?
[415] Have you ever found the random handyman just chilling at Home Depot?
[416] Like, they just chill.
[417] If they're looking for work, they're just like hovering around.
[418] If I were a male escort, I would hang out at a Home Depot for cover.
[419] It's always like, you need to help?
[420] You need help with something?
[421] It's like, you don't work here.
[422] Or a police station or a Native American reservation or what a...
[423] I would just hang out there because I would fit in.
[424] Like, oh, this guy's ready to be handy, and yes, I am.
[425] Look at Jeremy.
[426] You've got to figure out what the reference is.
[427] I don't understand.
[428] There's a motorcycle guy too.
[429] I need a shortcut to learning.
[430] Do you believe in easy to assemble furniture?
[431] Is it easy to assemble for you?
[432] It's never easy.
[433] That's the exact point.
[434] The Allen Wrench, it's a plague on humanity.
[435] Put it on the poll, please, Juju.
[436] At Lebertar Show.
[437] Is the Allen Wrench a plague on humanity?
[438] Yeah, right.
[439] You get this box of stuff, and you're like, wait, I can put all of this together with this little thing right here?
[440] It's amazing.
[441] Yeah, but it tears apart your fingers.
[442] And a pamphlet that has no words, just has a cartoon caricature going, pointing this way with a big smile, and then, like, an arrow going counterclockwise.
[443] And that's it.
[444] I'm supposed to know, based on these images and this little Italian wrench, I'm going to take these random assortment of lumber and screws and turn them into this beautiful sectional couch.
[445] So I have like a whole Allen wrench setup for my screwdriver.
[446] It was a life -changing thing.
[447] Oh, what?
[448] Who is it easy for?
[449] Who's it easy for?
[450] For professionals, it's very easy.
[451] For like us, it's not easy.
[452] It's easy for the task rabbit that I have.
[453] Where's G2?
[454] The handyman wandering around Home Depot, it's easy for him.
[455] If he's trying to get little side hustle work, that that fixing of the toy.
[456] I'm embarrassed, though, at how our show sounds every time we talk about this stuff.
[457] No, because I know, we're normal people.
[458] Oh, look at your toilet.
[459] I don't believe we are.
[460] I'm really good at it.
[461] It's leaking.
[462] I don't know why I'm really good at it.
[463] I don't even know how to use it.
[464] Water goes to the tube and it goes into the other tube and nothing happens.
[465] Have you seen if the flapper is sealed?
[466] Flapper's good.
[467] It's the tube that goes into the other tube is dripping water.
[468] How do you get the suction with the thing?
[469] You're like, you can, I hate putting my hands in there.
[470] I have to do it all the time.
[471] All the time.
[472] Yes, I do.
[473] Because I've got...
[474] Baby skin soft.
[475] That's an old...
[476] I'm really good at the plumbing stuff.
[477] In a building that is old.
[478] And I am not good at any of these things.
[479] And I can feel the audience's judgment and I can feel that it's earned.
[480] They stink at it, too.
[481] No. Now, Dan, do you have this part with you when you're just like, you know what?
[482] They said it's easy, I'm going to do it.
[483] And then hours later, you're angry, you're cursing, you're angry at the thing that you're trying to fix.
[484] You're angry at the tools you're using.
[485] You're angry at the Home Depot guy who told you it was easy.
[486] But most of all, It's all a cover because, you know, deep down inside, you're angry at yourself.
[487] I am.
[488] For just being inadequate.
[489] I'm a little angry at myself, but I'm also angry at my father for being Tony's Cuban father and teaching me nada.
[490] Teaching me nada.
[491] My dad's ever put his hand in the toilet before.
[492] My father only taught me get friends who can fix things.
[493] Imagine having a Jewish Cuban dad.
[494] Even worse.
[495] I am terrible at this, and I'm embarrassed all the time when my wife's on a ladder fixing something in her house and I can't like I'm just not good at that stuff and she's very good at it and that's great yes that's you know that's a match made in heaven that get you someone who loves doing that shit that's that's my advice to the audience find you someone who loves doing that shit and then like you got to do some stuff that they don't like to do either and that's what a great marriage is all built on like mutual real romance that she can fix the toilet and it never works that way because there's always resentment of why aren't you fixing it you're the man in the house and I'm like what's the saddest thing you've ever paid someone to do I'm about to pay you I actually paid a handyman this week to um I had you know the toilet paper rolls that go on the wall wait a minute came loose and I'm like how how do you fix it how do you fix it how do you fix that I don't know how to do this like I made the whole looser I don't this is a puzzle it's like a finger that It's just moving.
[496] I'm like, four years old.
[497] I can't figure it out.
[498] So I'm like, look, man, I tried.
[499] And I don't want to glue this thing to the wall.
[500] So can you do me a favor?
[501] Can you figure it out?
[502] Man, he got it so tight.
[503] Yeah.
[504] There's a lot of language in here that handyman, what's the most you paid for something embarrassing?
[505] There's a lot of language in here.
[506] Most you paid.
[507] What's the most embarrassing thing you've paid for?
[508] Moving on.
[509] I paid one time I paid a guy to change my lock.
[510] Oh, yeah.
[511] I did that after I tried to do it.
[512] it myself and again he got over my guy he got over and he's like what do you need well i'm here and i was like can you just i have this new lock i need to want to change the lock on my door and he's just like that that's it and i'm just like yeah how much he's like 40 bucks i'm always even know whether that's a lot or a little i'm always embarrassed by these situations i just had difficulty i had to go downstairs in a storage facility because i used a key a storage key to open something and then i couldn't get the storage thing up and so i had to go down and the guy just comes over and slides a thing.
[513] And I'm looking at him as I'm only...
[514] The slide lock.
[515] That's a tricky one, Dan.
[516] No, it's not.
[517] I'm just really bad at these things.
[518] And I'm perpetually embarrassed.
[519] You're there, pull you, like, oh, why isn't it moving?
[520] Mike, what's the most embarrassing thing you've paid for?
[521] Tyler Van Dyke.
[522] That's a great.
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[544] Libbertard.
[545] It's not my favorite re -joint.
[546] Context needs to be applied.
[547] I thought that context was applied.
[548] We'd like to rip that out of context.
[549] I was going for a thing.
[550] And I have a family.
[551] You're going to pretend here that you don't love Matthew Kachukchuk more than you love anybody you've ever loved?
[552] I don't love Matthew Kuch more than my daughter.
[553] Stugats.
[554] Now it's pretty damn close.
[555] This is the Dan Levitar show with the Stugats.
[556] Let me show the audience here a picture that was going viral yesterday of how loose Mike McDaniel has gotten with his aesthetics.
[557] Because Miami has happened to this man in a way that makes him look a little more ragged, a little more suave, a little more sunshine, and a little more undercurrent of Miami Mafioso than when he got here.
[558] when he got here it was a lot of forehead you can see all the surface area there on the forehead but now the hair and it's a little bit of a castaway look on the grooming he's ready what are you uh -uhing about it's not castaway that's rugged that's danger most dudes don't have a cool patchy beard but it's worked out for him because it kind of looks like he intended to do it and he had it manicured that way but I just think that's patchy which is the real him when he first got here or now I have a theory that the one on the right the one Miami Mike.
[559] I think that's the real Mike McDaniel.
[560] And the disguise was I'm trying to get hired, Mike McDaniel.
[561] I'm going to try to get hired by giving you a lot of forehead.
[562] Yeah, I'm going to look at prim and proper and like I'm literally auditioning for a job.
[563] But once I get it, I get to be Mike again.
[564] I got to tell you guys, you guys, you guys keep forgetting.
[565] Mike McDaniel is black.
[566] So he's very well versing code switching.
[567] And so what Mike Ryan is saying is absolutely accurate.
[568] You show up to the job and you say, yes, sir, no, sir.
[569] Oh, I'd love it.
[570] And then as soon as you get that job and it's like, The contract, ink dry?
[571] All right, I'm about to be me. It's like Superman.
[572] Superman is a superhero where his actual real identity is Superman.
[573] Yeah.
[574] The costume that he puts on is Clark Kent.
[575] And that's what you're seeing right there.
[576] You guys think that this was a disguise that he put on at the beginning to just get the job, the way that you all wear your best clothes to the first of the job interviews, the way Chris Cody did for the Tua interview.
[577] That's right.
[578] where you're just trying to dress to impress with a tie and a forehead.
[579] You're trying to land the job.
[580] And that's a man who knows he can coach offense now.
[581] And so he doesn't have to worry about shaving anymore.
[582] Dan, also, I want to point out if we could put the image back up, the glasses.
[583] The glasses are great.
[584] They're cooler.
[585] They're better glasses.
[586] His glasses are getting bigger.
[587] The old glasses are like, did you guys ask him about that?
[588] They're getting bigger.
[589] Look at it.
[590] Like the old glasses, this is, hi, I'm with IT, and these ones on the right are.
[591] I .M -I -T.
[592] Oh, man. You're a writer.
[593] That was fire.
[594] You can't fix a toilet, though.
[595] There is something.
[596] I can't fix anything.
[597] I really can't.
[598] It's embarrassed.
[599] You can't fix S -H -I -T.
[600] Nothing.
[601] Oh, no. Maybe, maybe.
[602] You're a writer.
[603] I want to, before.
[604] Then, before we move on, I just want to ask you, if Mike McDaniel on the left walks in and says, sir, my direct deposit hasn't hit, you're saying, well, bring it up with ID.
[605] with HR or whatever, get out of my face.
[606] The one on the right says, where's my money?
[607] There's a little bit of menace underneath.
[608] You're pulling your pocket out, your wallets out, you're emptying everything to make sure this man is happy.
[609] He looks like someone that you would move away from in an alley because he's giving off the air of danger.
[610] He's not in an alley.
[611] What do you tell you?
[612] He's got the guys in the alley.
[613] I'll tell you how he's in an alley in the back of a white stretch limo.
[614] And the window comes down, the window comes down, and you look in, it's like, oh, damn, it's, it's Big Mike.
[615] And he says, do you have my money?
[616] And you're like, well, I got it, but it's going to take a little bit of time.
[617] And he's just going to look at you with this look of disappointment.
[618] I really like you, Daniel.
[619] I really do.
[620] And the window comes back up, and then the thugs come out from the shadows.
[621] And they fuck you up because you don't have his money.
[622] Well, there wasn't, the hint of danger is implied, but he's not going to administer it.
[623] No. When you're saying, I've got guys, because he's not Big Mike, he's little Mike.
[624] snaps his fingers.
[625] He's big Mike.
[626] He's big Mike.
[627] You know what?
[628] You talk about you snap your fingers and nothing happens?
[629] You think that happens for him?
[630] You think when he snaps his fingers, everyone goes about their day.
[631] Like, he wants some video, whatever.
[632] No. No. You know why?
[633] Because look how he shows up.
[634] That's someone to be feared and respected.
[635] Meanwhile, you're a goofy ass coming in here with a t -shirt on and a big smile on your face.
[636] No glasses.
[637] Nothing.
[638] Your hair is not, you don't have like that poofy hair.
[639] I can't fix the toilet.
[640] Can't fix a toilet.
[641] Come on.
[642] I tell Chris Cody to dress in a way that's presentable for a dolphin interview, and he shows up in everything he showed up in with drawstrings.
[643] Just his titties.
[644] I have an idea, though.
[645] What if Chris would have come ultra professional and been in a suit sitting in the middle of two.
[646] A monocle?
[647] Look, we have to do something.
[648] When we do this next, we will do this with the Panthers or heat.
[649] We have to do Chris Cody.
[650] We cannot do this seriously.
[651] We have to make it more and more.
[652] of a joke.
[653] But what I was saying here, I don't want, okay, in perpetually lamenting that we don't do enough around here to just celebrate when sports people are great, when we're in the middle of history and we saw somebody who felt like an all -time great.
[654] Joey Votto's career ended yesterday more quietly than I would have liked.
[655] So rarely do these guys get to retire the way, exactly the way they want to, when he was with the Reds.
[656] It seemed like the perfect ending, but he went to Toronto, and you always think they've got a little bit more, and Joey Votto finally said, I am done.
[657] But for many, many years, in a nowhere franchise that used to be great, where he was the only rose growing out of that sewer for 17 years, Joey Votto represented Cincinnati and baseball in a way that was maximum, fear.
[658] and respected because he was feared as a hitter and he was respected by everybody who played baseball and here he fights for the underdog because this man was Cincinnati like he represented Cincinnati in some of the same ways that Pete Rose did if you want to watch that documentary on Max he inherited the mantle from Pete Rose except without the greatness of the teams and here he is undressing one of the masters on television one of these New York bravado guys the mad dog a couple of months ago you said that Zach Grinke and I are a hall of very good ball players.
[659] I think Zach and I would agree.
[660] You may be right.
[661] But I get the gist of what's going on here.
[662] I know what you're doing.
[663] You're looking down on us.
[664] A couple small market Midwest ball players just because we're not big city just like you.
[665] Mr. New York City, Sirius XM Radio Star, Mr. National Television ESPN Star with your Fifth Avenue ties and your crisp pocket squares.
[666] your tailored suits and your polish shoes and your hair, your perfectly quaffed Broadway hair.
[667] Must be nice to sit atop that Madison Avenue Ivory Tower looking down on us with those luscious locks.
[668] Not everyone can be the next Roger Peckin 'paw, mad dog.
[669] You should be ashamed of yourself.
[670] You're a disgrace.
[671] He's going to be a good broadcaster.
[672] He's going to be so great.
[673] Got to put him as a color commentator, right?
[674] I love the lady whose name escapes me, who's on the right side, because when she comes in, she looks, I'm not talking about physically, I'm talking about the looks on her face exactly like Chris Cody during the tour interview.
[675] Just an awkwardness of like, cool, calm, cool, collected?
[676] Heavy set, playing with her drawstrings?
[677] The drawstrings are the only thing that's missing.
[678] Demiore?
[679] Dimior.
[680] Shut the fuck up.
[681] Joey Votto's career largely obscure given what happened to two bass.
[682] and the Reds on his excellent watch.
[683] Like, it, I don't want to say that his career was wasted in Cincinnati, but he ain't wrong when he says if he had put together that career in one of the big markets, it would be more recognized.
[684] I mean, he's not wrong about that.
[685] With a Fifth Avenue tie in a crisp pocket square.
[686] I don't know if you guys have watched a couple of these documentaries that have come out recently because you got the Pete Rose one in four parts on Max, and you also have the murder of Air McNair, which just.
[687] came out on Netflix, and I got to, I'm going to say, quote, unquote, enjoy as the verb.
[688] I got to enjoy last night with my wife offering the color commentary on being introduced to Jeff Fisher as an interview.
[689] Wow.
[690] You remember when Jeff Fisher was a fixture on this show?
[691] Yeah.
[692] I'm reminded of him every August 8th because everyone wishes, yeah, happy Jeff Fisher Day.
[693] And because of the new, like, regular season a lot meant you can't.
[694] And sell it.
[695] Like, he's the eight and eight guy.
[696] No one's taking that from him.
[697] There will never be another Jeff Fisher.
[698] No. He owns eight and eight.
[699] For four years, we were talking about how he always went eight and eight.
[700] But my wife had the great commentary.
[701] So I'm watching something.
[702] And I don't know all of the details of how it is that Steve McNair was murdered.
[703] So I'm learning as I'm watching this.
[704] And Jeff Fisher is a central figure.
[705] And all my wife's controversy, all my wife's conversation was, is he always so sleepy?
[706] Does he always sound so sleepy?
[707] Is that Mega Man?
[708] What happened?
[709] What was that?
[710] Chris Cody, what is that?
[711] Is that you looking for something?
[712] That's me scurrying for looks like for Jeff Fisher's.
[713] Okay.
[714] And please find them as quickly as you can.
[715] Metroid?
[716] She asked me the question, was he a good coach?
[717] And they're showing them a yard from the Super Bowl.
[718] And my answer was no. But the dolphins flew him.
[719] a helicopter from Fort Lauderdale Airport because they couldn't deal with traffic.
[720] They were so eager to interview him at one desperate period where they were going through Cam Camerons and getting Jeff Fisher with some, getting that mustache was something you really wanted.
[721] I didn't realize that Fisher's career started as a head coach when he was 36, that he was a boy wonder before all of the boy wonders.
[722] I didn't realize it was that young that he was coached in Tennessee.
[723] You guys haven't seen the McNair documentary.
[724] I watched the one that was on TNT, two or three years ago.
[725] Like that's, that's one of my big beefs, again, you talk about people learning, shortcuts to learning, is that when a Netflix documentary comes out about some shit that we know about because someone just did it, how everyone discovers it for the first time because it's on Netflix.
[726] And so you marveling at the details of the Steve McNair murder, I'm like, yeah, we knew this.
[727] It came on after the Western Conference Finals like two years ago.
[728] If it's not a 1990s drama, I don't want to watch it at this point.
[729] I'm in that era right now.
[730] Watch the Fisher King the other day.
[731] This is a 1990s drama.
[732] Hey, Legends of the Fall, you'll think.
[733] Oh, great, no, great film.
[734] Great film.
[735] File.
[736] File all day.
[737] Chris Cody, what did you find on your search, your beeping search for Jeff Fisher looks like?
[738] The judge coach, sweetie.
[739] I should go say hello.
[740] That's what I found.
[741] Eric Mangini on the Sopranos.
[742] That's not what I wanted.
[743] All right, I'm going to get you.