Calm Parenting Podcast XX
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[24] So do you ever feel a little bit powerless and even hopeless?
[25] We're swimming against this tide of technology.
[26] It feels like the algorithms and the societal pressure and norms have rendered us as parents' bystanders.
[27] And so summer's coming, and now there's a little bit of a dread of like, uh -oh, are we going to be fighting literally all day to get our kids off of screens and get outside to do something, anything?
[28] It's hard.
[29] And I don't want you to bury your head and just hope everything turns out okay.
[30] I don't want you to give in and just let your kids do whatever they want, but I also don't want to be reflexively rigid and fearful and needlessly choose power struggles.
[31] Because look, we're the ultimate decision makers in our home, but I want to give you some tools this summer to build connection, to know how to approach technology.
[32] So this is the first in a series of podcasts I'm going to do on technology.
[33] And I want to give you a couple specific tools related.
[34] to video games.
[35] I'm going to try to keep focused on that.
[36] So, look, welcome.
[37] This is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm .com.
[38] You can find it's at CelebrateCalm .com.
[39] And I hope what you find is we're very, very practical with these things.
[40] So a couple caveats here at the beginning.
[41] In this particular episode, I'm not going to talk about cell phones, apps on phones, TikTok, screens in general, though the same principles will apply.
[42] And so I hope you will listen, whether you have little kids or teenagers or kids in their 20s, I think you'll find this very, very helpful.
[43] I'll get to all of those other issues in time.
[44] Shortly, I'm going to do a little video on TikTok, on Instagram.
[45] I'm not on TikTok yet.
[46] It's a big enough deal to get me on Instagram.
[47] I'm there and I'm very engaged there.
[48] I'm going to do a video and I'm going to ask you in the comments section to say, hey, what are you really struggling with technology -wise?
[49] I will read all of those comments, and then we'll just do a series of podcast to help you out.
[50] So I can't address every issue and answer every question in one podcast.
[51] We do have an entire program.
[52] It's called Control Screens so they don't control your family.
[53] It's part of the package.
[54] So listen to that.
[55] But let's make some progress here with this episode.
[56] Look, you are the ultimate authority in your home.
[57] You can ban any and all technology you want.
[58] That's a perfectly good choice.
[59] And I'd love for kids to be outside.
[60] Look, I'm looking out.
[61] We live out West.
[62] looking at mountains, there are rivers and streams here.
[63] If your kids lived out here, they would have endless possibilities to be outside.
[64] I'd put them to work outside for me. But I deal in reality, and in many homes, technology and video games are part of the fabric of the home.
[65] And I know people are going to judge you, oh, you let your kids play video games, we don't allow that.
[66] I'm not doing the judgment thing.
[67] You know what?
[68] I get older and I realize people have difficult circumstances, and there are so many different variations within families.
[69] You do what's right for you.
[70] And so I want to help you with this.
[71] I want to apply the same principles to screens and video games that we apply to everything else.
[72] It's about connection and teaching and learning.
[73] And instead of allowing technology to destroy or strain your relationships, I want to use it to deepen my connection with and understanding of my child.
[74] And we want to use it to teach because discipline means to teach.
[75] And the best discipline is self -discipline.
[76] I want to teach kids how their brains work, why they do certain things, why these video games are so attracted to them and how they can use technology to their advantage.
[77] So what can we do?
[78] I want to show you a couple practical tools to do this, both with your own connection and using some cool technology that I, as an old guy, discovered.
[79] So, you've heard me use this principle before, right?
[80] Instead of standing from over here yelling or barking at your kids over there to stop doing something, to get them to care about what you care about, and then creating an us against them mentality, you enter into their world, you connect with them, and then you draw and lead them back out.
[81] So instead of, hey, cut that out, me against you, I enter into their world.
[82] I connect because connection changes human behavior quicker than anything else.
[83] So I'm going to share a shortened version of how this worked in our home with our son when he was playing call of duty back in the day.
[84] Look, I was typical dad.
[85] I got on him all the time.
[86] I don't know why you're playing video games when we were kids.
[87] We were outside playing sports all the time.
[88] It's going to ruin your brain.
[89] It wasn't motivating.
[90] He didn't care.
[91] It just made me sound old.
[92] And so one day I thought, hmm, maybe I should just do what I teach other parents to do, control my own anxiety, my own fears over his future, my control issues, my disdain for video games in this new world of gaming, instead of playing outside like we did as kids.
[93] And maybe I should go and connect with my son, enter into his world.
[94] So I did that.
[95] And I began walking in his room and saying, hey, Case, I'm curious.
[96] What is it that you love about Call of Duty?
[97] What do you get out of it?
[98] And I began listening.
[99] And here's what I found out.
[100] Here's what he told me. hey dad it's a challenge i like the challenge and it requires strategy and inside i'm starting to think oh yeah you're a great strategic thinker good critical thinking skills that's why you're so good at arguing with me and i started piecing some things together by the way patterns look your kids are so good at seeing many of them so good at seeing patterns that's why they're so good at Minecraft at legos at arguing at chess and checkers because it's all seeing patterns it is an absolute superpower in life so many jobs require pattern recognition and look look we're part way into this podcast and guess what it's not even really about screens none of the podcasts are you know what they are it's about connection it's about teaching your kids and this just happens to be the tool that we're going to use today to do this but this is so cool guess what else he told me he said dad, I feel like I'm a leader when I'm playing this game.
[101] And you know, it made me sad because in so many parts of his life, he wasn't the leader.
[102] He was just the kid at school who was always in trouble, who didn't really fit in with his peers because he's an old soul like your kids.
[103] Like many of your kids, they don't get along with kids their own age that well, but they get along with older people and little kids and animals.
[104] So he's like, dad, I feel like a leader here.
[105] And he was because I'd walk by the room and I would hear this confident kid leading and you know our kids they're bossy too but you put them in the right situation and that bossiness turns into leadership skills and as a grown man now Casey is a phenomenal leader of other people he also said dad it's fast it's fun okay that makes sense to me that you would play and then he said you know what I also love it because they recreated these World War II battlefields and they're kind of cool and you know what I dismiss that.
[106] I was like, sure, that's not why you play.
[107] You know why?
[108] Because I'm just a, because I'm just a jerky parent sometimes, right?
[109] And we're, we're so focused on our agenda, and we get so caught up in our own world and trying to get our kids to do all these things that we want them to do in our agenda, that we miss learning from them.
[110] We miss listening.
[111] And I just tell you, as an aside, a few years later, it's probably six years later, he had an opportunity to go to Europe to be a chaperone for my niece, which was smart because he got to go for free.
[112] And you know what he did?
[113] After the official trip was over, he had an opportunity to extend his trip by himself as a 19 -year -old kid.
[114] Guess where he went?
[115] To Normandy, to see the World War II battlefields that had so intrigued him.
[116] Listen to your kids.
[117] Don't just go in with your agenda all the time.
[118] So I began talking to them more and more and I began putting it together myself.
[119] What else do kids get out of video games?
[120] Order and structure.
[121] You've heard me say, these are kids with busy brains.
[122] They don't have a lot of order and structure inside.
[123] That's why they're bossing and controlling.
[124] You can't play board games with them.
[125] All those different things, why they collect acorns in their pockets for order and structure.
[126] Guess what?
[127] When your kids play video games, there's not a bomb video game and a dad video game with different rules and expectations.
[128] so your kids know exactly what to expect.
[129] Video games use that even matter -of -fact tone.
[130] They don't yell, they don't berate your kids.
[131] You know, that was a bad choice game over, you lost.
[132] They don't do that.
[133] It's very easy.
[134] It's very clear.
[135] Here are the rules, and it just is enforced every time.
[136] And think about it in our society where so many of our kids grow up with split time between two homes.
[137] Guess what they're getting?
[138] Two sets of rules.
[139] Even within your home, intact home with two parents, they're still getting, if you're not on the same page with your spouse, your kids are getting two different sets of roles and expectations.
[140] And I encourage you, you don't have to parent the same way.
[141] One of you is going to be a little softer.
[142] And that could be the dad, by the way.
[143] As you listen to the podcast, I tend to go with the norm, which is dad is kind of like this.
[144] But sometimes that's you as the mom.
[145] And sometimes the mom is the more rigid, tough, disciplinary, and all over them.
[146] just apply it to your own life, right?
[147] But I need you, I don't need you.
[148] Your kids need you to get on the same page.
[149] And what I always tell dads is, hey, what if you went into work and you had two different bosses that gave you two sets of instructions?
[150] And then your job approval, your raise, your promotion was dependent on trying to please two different bosses.
[151] You'd be frustrated and angry.
[152] So you've got to dig into this.
[153] That's why I always say the quickest way to change your child's behaviors to first control your own.
[154] You guys, if you listen to our programs, don't go through the kid ones first.
[155] Go through the ones for you.
[156] So you and your spouse can get on the same page because that's what video games do for them.
[157] Every time I play, the rules are the same.
[158] I know exactly what to expect.
[159] Brain stimulation.
[160] You've heard me talk about that 100 million times.
[161] Why do your kids argue with you?
[162] Why do they procrastinate?
[163] Why do they fidget?
[164] Brain stimulation.
[165] It's fast moving.
[166] They get to think on their feet.
[167] Your kids are really good at this.
[168] Guess what they don't get to do regular school.
[169] Think on their feet.
[170] Problem solve.
[171] Use their critical thinking skills.
[172] Usually school is about memorizing information using short -term memory, which your kids aren't as good at because they have better critical thinking skills and strategic thinking skills.
[173] That's why they're really good leaders and innovators and entrepreneurs.
[174] But at school, they don't get to use this.
[175] When they're playing their video games, they're in this fast -moving dynamic environment where they have to think quickly on their feet, use strategy, and make decisions and they're really good at it.
[176] You know what else they get out of it?
[177] There's a specific mission that's accomplished in these games versus being at school and grades are kind of arbitrary, right?
[178] When I write an essay, that's not always concrete.
[179] I may not be good at that.
[180] So this gives them something, a specific mission they can accomplish.
[181] There's a sense of accomplishment and completion when they win or get to the next level.
[182] There's also the social interaction piece and the leadership.
[183] Look, I know we all want to go back to our childhood when we grew up in this neighborhood where we literally just went out all summer long.
[184] We didn't tell our parents where we were going 12 hours, exploring, riding our bikes, going out in the neighborhood, leaving the neighborhood, driving, riding our bike on roads without helmets.
[185] We were gone and we did stuff all day long with our friends.
[186] I love that.
[187] But most of us can't go back to that.
[188] So guess where the neighborhood is now?
[189] It's online.
[190] And so rather than fight it, fight it, fight it, how can I use that to my advantage?
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[205] So here's the one, here's the big one we miss. You know what else your kids get out of video games?
[206] Competence and confidence.
[207] Most of you with Strongwell kids have kids who aren't good at being kids.
[208] They're not good at kid behavior because they're old souls.
[209] They're impulsive.
[210] They want to do things their own way so they're in trouble a lot.
[211] They're not always good at school even though they're really bright.
[212] So guess what?
[213] They don't have a lot of confidence because we as parents put all of our energy into, you know what your job is kid is to listen to me, good behavior and good grades.
[214] And they're like, I'm 0 for 2.
[215] Why would I even try?
[216] But they get on this video game and guess what they find.
[217] find out, I'm really good at this.
[218] You know how you build confidence in life?
[219] It's not just by saying you're so awesome, you're amazing.
[220] No, it's by being good at something.
[221] You're good at something, then you're confident.
[222] And so we miss this that one of the main reasons our kids are drawn to video games is because it's one area of their life.
[223] Think about it, that they have ownership of it, that you're not good at.
[224] You don't know anything about it.
[225] Most of you don't.
[226] Some of you do and you bond with your kids over.
[227] But most of you, like me, you don't know anything about it.
[228] So it's their own little area where they are actually really good at something that you're not good at.
[229] Man, I could stop the podcast right now.
[230] We could kind of meditate on that for a while and think, well, how do we apply that?
[231] See, start thinking about that.
[232] So I walked away after these discussions and I began to think about this.
[233] And I was like, oh, so this activity that I've just.
[234] been busting on him about and downplaying saying you're not good at that or this is useless watch this is a really important point we're always like oh that's useless school's important but playing your video games isn't but look i'm really good at this other thing and now you're telling me that the skills i'm using and developing playing these video games are useless oh guess what i may as well just become an anarchist or just shut down completely in life because the one thing that I'm good at, which I know is building some skills you said is useless.
[235] Be very careful with this.
[236] That's why you have to control your own anxiety and slow your world down inside and watch your own agenda.
[237] So I started thinking, huh, this activity that my son is doing is meeting a lot of internal needs inside of him.
[238] That was good for me to learn, and he wasn't just some loser, unmotivated kid wasting his life away playing video games, right, any more than back in the day when I was in the corporate world, I hated my job.
[239] And so I'd watch like endless episodes of Law and Order, like 17 episodes later, right?
[240] At midnight, I'm like, oh, right?
[241] Or sometimes, confession, we'd watch the Kardashians way back in the day.
[242] Why?
[243] Because they're a train wreck of a family.
[244] made us feel better about our life.
[245] So I wasted time too.
[246] So does this mean then that I want to give him more time on his video games?
[247] No. But if I did want him to play less, I needed to meet those same internal needs with other activities.
[248] And look, you and I have the right to cut the cord, rip out the games, call Verizon, cut off service to that phone they have.
[249] We do.
[250] But that's like saying, hey, you know that activity that meets these 10 different needs inside of you?
[251] Yeah, stop it.
[252] But I wanted to take a different path.
[253] So I'd go sit and I'd watch him play and I'd ask him questions.
[254] Hey, and this is important.
[255] Why did you just do that in particular?
[256] What is your strength?
[257] Why are you usually the team captain?
[258] What is your weakness?
[259] What are you trying to improve?
[260] And I listened and I connected.
[261] Did I play endless games with my son?
[262] No. It wasn't my thing and I wasn't good at it.
[263] It was just terrible.
[264] It irritated him when I tried to play.
[265] So I began asking him those questions.
[266] Hey, and then I asked some other questions.
[267] hey, what else would you want to do that's stimulating, that's a challenge that gives you some ownership, a sense of accomplishment, an agency?
[268] And he replied, oh, dad, I want to learn how to fly an airplane.
[269] And I was like, of course you do.
[270] A little strong will jerk.
[271] I didn't say that part.
[272] I just thought it, right?
[273] Of course you do.
[274] Because here's why I thought that.
[275] I have a fear of flying.
[276] I don't like flying.
[277] So guess what my strong will child chooses?
[278] Flying.
[279] It was also really expensive to do.
[280] And notice, by the way, he, my son, like many of your kids, chose areas to excel in to do things where we don't have proficiency, because they know they can't compete on the battlefield or on that field that you play on so well.
[281] With grades, look, some of you are high achievers in school.
[282] You have your PhDs, master's degrees, and many of your kids are like, there's no way I'm competing with that.
[283] My mom and dad are never going to be happy with me in that area.
[284] So he wanted to fly an airplane.
[285] So I was like, great, whatever.
[286] So I go, we were in Leesburg, Virginia.
[287] I go to the little airport.
[288] I'm like, huh, come back and I say, case, here's what I found out.
[289] It's 50 bucks a lesson.
[290] I'll make a deal with you.
[291] I pay half if you pay the other half.
[292] And he was like, where am I going to get that kind of money?
[293] I was like, get a job.
[294] And he's like, I'm only 12.
[295] Yeah, well, here's what I know.
[296] You play ice hockey.
[297] And we pay all that money for you to pay on a travel team and you're not even really that good.
[298] Now, did I say it like that?
[299] No, but you can think it.
[300] but it was true.
[301] He wasn't that great as a player.
[302] So I said, you know what, next season is coming up.
[303] What if instead of playing travel, you instead become an ice hockey referee, an official?
[304] So he ran with that.
[305] Guess what he does?
[306] He goes to the ice rink.
[307] He gets all the forms.
[308] He studies.
[309] He crushes it on his first exam.
[310] He passes the test so he can be a referee.
[311] When your kids are motivated, they can study and they can do all kinds of things.
[312] So he starts becoming an ice hockey referee.
[313] Watch how cool this is.
[314] Important parts to this.
[315] You put your kids in situations in which they have strengths, and they come alive and they succeed.
[316] Our son was not a very good hockey player.
[317] He was a fantastic ice hockey referee.
[318] Why?
[319] Because it requires quick thinking on your feet.
[320] It's a very fast sport.
[321] It's moving very quickly.
[322] It's very intense.
[323] Our kids are good at that.
[324] Players, coaches, and fans would be yelling at Casey.
[325] You think as a ref. Was he bothered by that?
[326] No. because he's an oppositional kid.
[327] He used it as fuel.
[328] He also got to wear a uniform with stripes on it and put other children in a penalty box where he had proverbially lived his entire life.
[329] So if we find out, he's amazing as an ice hockey ref. He's responsible.
[330] He gets up early in the weekends.
[331] He goes, he shows up.
[332] He's on time every time.
[333] He's accountable to another boss.
[334] He's earning a lot of money, which he ended up saving and using as the down payment on his house 25 years later.
[335] guess what else he starts doing flying an airplane guess what he learns when you're flying an airplane there's a lot of brain stimulation it's a big challenge and there's a sense of accomplishment when you fly something and land without dying and they had to do as instructor taught him a thing called a forced stall where you point the plane upward and then you stall out you begin nose diving and the instructor's teaching him hey case if you freak out during these times you die and that's what i told him his whole life but he listened to an instructor so watch what's happening now he's got two different activities meeting all these same internal needs, guess what he stops doing so much?
[336] Well, stop playing video games so much because we found an alternative.
[337] So here's what was cool.
[338] I did that, but I built my connection with him and I taught him how his brain worked so that as an adult now, he knows for the rest of his life that his brain needs to be challenged and stimulated and he needs ownership and agency.
[339] So when he chooses jobs, he knows how to be.
[340] He knows how to to do that in healthy ways instead of doing it through, say, gambling or negative ways to get brain stimulation.
[341] So that's one route you can take.
[342] And I'd encourage you, if nothing else, just go and listen to your kids and connect with them.
[343] Let's also use a technology tool.
[344] So I've been really leaning into this, right, and thinking, what are some practical ways that parents can use this to their advantage?
[345] And look, I'm an older guy.
[346] And so my natural inclination, when you get older, just to complain about everybody, I wish everybody was like when it was when 1983 or 1973 when I was a kid.
[347] But I don't want to be the rigid old guy.
[348] And I want to, and I don't like feeling helpless and powerless against the tide.
[349] I don't like the fear -based approach and I don't want to be the grumpy old man. So let me use a practical example.
[350] I know lots of families and within our own family, nieces and nephews, whose kids love Roblox.
[351] Roblox is kind of cool because it's a platform where kids can actually use creativity to create their own games for fun.
[352] It's kind of cool.
[353] Some kids even learn basic programming and coding skills through Roblox.
[354] So there's some beneficial things to that.
[355] But when your kids enter into that world of Roblox, they're exposed to tens of millions of games.
[356] And some of those can be a waste of time.
[357] Some of them can be really inappropriate.
[358] So I don't expect you to sit down for hours calling through all the games.
[359] So here's where we can use technology to our advantage as parents.
[360] So I was researching different tools, and I kept running across comments in these forums.
[361] And this was rabbit hole after rabbit hole.
[362] But I started seeing a common theme and a common name, and I ran across this app called Kinjo.
[363] It's K -I -N -J -O.
[364] It's actually Japanese Ford Neighborhood.
[365] So Kinjo is a free app that evaluates all these Roblox games based on their quality, based on the game's potential for learning and for building new skills.
[366] And then Kinjo encourages and motivate your kids to play games that require greater skill, higher challenge, and more learning.
[367] And they, through a reward system, it's called Kinjo Coins.
[368] And so here's what I like about an app like this.
[369] It gives you back some power.
[370] You don't have to guess which games are helpful and beneficial.
[371] An app like Kinjo does that for you.
[372] And what it does is it shifts the games your kids.
[373] kids play.
[374] So your kids begin playing games that require more cognitive challenge.
[375] I like that.
[376] So then you can sit down and ask your child, hey, why did you choose that game?
[377] What do you like about it?
[378] What's the hardest challenge?
[379] How did you overcome that challenge?
[380] I bet that feels good.
[381] Little aside, I bet almost all of you say this about your strong will child.
[382] Oh, when things get hard, they just shut down.
[383] They don't push through.
[384] Well, look, Some of that is true of all of us.
[385] None of us attack the things in our lives that are hardest first.
[386] We put it off.
[387] But this is a good insight.
[388] In school where your kids don't always feel competent, they shut down when the work gets hard.
[389] But when they're playing these video games, they will push through and they will put an enormous amount of focus.
[390] Your kids with ADHD who have focus issues, right?
[391] attention deficit well they don't have attention deficit when they're challenged whether it's with video games doing jobs for a neighbor giving them adult jobs they don't have focus issues there and they will push through when they're motivated so you can take these skills and apply them to different parts of their life and now you can motivate them from the inside through connection through listening through conversation.
[392] And I'm going to give you a killer line in a few minutes at that very end of the podcast.
[393] I'm going to give you a killer thing that I want you to say to your kids that will change the trajectory of, I'll just leave it at that.
[394] It's going to be really cool.
[395] So look, now we're using technology as a learning tool, and we're using our parenting energy instead of feeling helpless and instead of fighting it, having control issues and fighting all the time, now it gives us some power.
[396] So I was super intrigued.
[397] I have to admit, I have never done this before.
[398] I was super intrigued by Kinjo, so I actually reached out to them.
[399] And look, I've done this in the past.
[400] At times, I've sent like an email or something, and nobody ever returns my call or my email.
[401] Guess what?
[402] I got to talk to the founder of the company.
[403] And I found out he's got two kids ages 11 and 13, so he's right in the midst of this himself.
[404] He's closer to my age.
[405] He's spent his life creating education software for something.
[406] school so he's highly into he's very aligned with what we're doing so i was like this is really cool so they have this um so i asked him for a favor so they have um and i think i don't know why they answered i don't know i'm very fortunate thanks to all of you that we now have the number one parenting podcast we've got half a million followers on instagram so i don't know if that's playing in it but i know i'm in the same position as this founder of kinjo in that i'm an older guy i've had a lifetime of doing this and I'm hoping in this stage of my life that I can dispense wisdom that I can help you avoid some of the mistakes that we made when when we were younger and I'm hoping that I can leverage some of this I don't know if you want to call it influence to do some things for you so I had this great talk with this with this guy and I found out a lot of really interesting information I was like I really like this company I like what they're doing so at the end of the call I asked them they've got they've got this um they've got this um uh uh extra feature called Kinjo Plus for parents.
[407] It allows you to see the time that your child spends in Roblox.
[408] You get to see the friends that your child plays with.
[409] You get to see the skills that they developed and the games they played.
[410] You get that in a weekly email.
[411] So it's very empowering for you and they have a subscription to it.
[412] So at the end of the call, I said, hey, I want to ask you a favor.
[413] Would you consider giving me a special code so I could pass it along to our listeners so they could get 10 % off the subscription.
[414] And without blinking, he was like, absolutely.
[415] So a few hours later, I get an email and it's got code to give us 15 % off the subscription.
[416] I was like, yes, I like that.
[417] I feel special.
[418] That's for our people.
[419] And so the code is if you end up going to kinjo .com and you get the Kinjo Plus, put in the code Calm 15.
[420] Calm 15.
[421] It'll give you 15 % off.
[422] and plus they actually created a dedicated web page for me and I'll put that in the show notes if you're ever interested.
[423] So anyway, I love that and I love that this is opening up new worlds to me of, hey, digging in and finding out, how do we create this connection?
[424] How do we use this technology to our advantage?
[425] Because I don't like feeling like I'm a victim to society.
[426] So here's a really cool thing, the killer close.
[427] And I promise on the other podcasts, we'll talk about setting limits when to allow your kids to have apps like Snapchat, how to limit phone time, right?
[428] Watch for that Instagram video, and I'll take your feedback.
[429] But this week, let's enter into your child's world, let's build that connection, that's use these resources to teach our kids how their brains work and teach them this about themselves.
[430] And this is the killer close, because your kids don't hear this enough.
[431] Say something like this to your child, hey, I need to apologize.
[432] Sometimes I get so focused on what you're not.
[433] doing.
[434] And it probably feels like you can never please me. But the truth is that you have every quality necessary for success in life inside of you right now.
[435] And you know when I see it?
[436] I've seen it when you're playing your video games.
[437] You are persistent.
[438] You're goal oriented.
[439] You're focused.
[440] You problem solve.
[441] You overcome challenges.
[442] You try new games.
[443] You don't give up.
[444] You're a leader.
[445] You make good decisions.
[446] And you're continually learning new skills to get better.
[447] And one day, you're going to use all of those great traits to crush it in the real world.
[448] And I can't wait to see that.
[449] And then you walk away.
[450] And you tell yourself again and again that all of that is true.
[451] Because you don't often see that in the regular world.
[452] You don't always see them doing that in school or with chores around the house.
[453] But I want you to observe it and recognize it and call that out and pull those skills out of your child and give them a vision of who they can be.
[454] not just who you see out of your own anxiety.
[455] See, as parents, we create a vision of like, it's always about like, you're not doing this, you're not doing that.
[456] Why can't you do that?
[457] Comparing to siblings, comparing to other friends.
[458] And all of that anxiety literally crushes your child's spirit.
[459] No blame, no guilt.
[460] That's why I want you to, you just, when you go through our programs, go through the 30 Days to Calm program first, work on yourself.
[461] When you do that, you're going to see situations more clearly.
[462] And you'll look at this kid and say, man, I don't see it in school.
[463] I don't see it with his attitude all the time.
[464] I don't see it with chores.
[465] I don't see it in these areas.
[466] But man, when my child is out in the real world, when he's doing things for other adults and when he's playing video games, I see all these traits.
[467] And man, one day you're going to crush it in life.
[468] Let's begin here.
[469] Do that this week.
[470] If we can help you, reach out to Casey at celebratecom .com.
[471] And we'll help you all.
[472] Love you all.
[473] Thanks so much.
[474] And feel free to share this with others.
[475] We'll talk to you soon.
[476] Bye -bye.