MFM Minisode 154

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] Welcome to my favorite murder.

[2] The minis soap.

[3] That's Karen Kilgara.

[4] That's Georgia Hard Stark.

[5] And here we go.

[6] Miriam.

[7] Thank you.

[8] Claire.

[9] I made that up.

[10] What's your middle name?

[11] Lynn.

[12] God damn it.

[13] Lynn.

[14] It's plain old Lynn.

[15] Two ends, though.

[16] Oh.

[17] Okay, this is a first responder story.

[18] That's what it says in the subject line.

[19] Hi, Franz.

[20] With a bunch of A. Yeah, I like it.

[21] Hi, France.

[22] Love you, all that.

[23] So my husband is a paramedic.

[24] It's a fine line between.

[25] quote, tell me all the things and quote, relive your trauma for my own fascination.

[26] God, let's read that again.

[27] It's a fine line between tell me all your things and relive your trauma for my own fascination.

[28] So I generally wait for him to tell me things.

[29] One morning, he came home saying he had a good story to send to my murder girls.

[30] Oh, good.

[31] Oh, on his time.

[32] One night, he and his partner go on a call for a 50 -something woman who had tried to kill herself.

[33] She had cut herself pretty bad, but they had banned.

[34] her and were ready to bring her to the hospital.

[35] A cop checked her robe pockets before they left and found a large kitchen knife.

[36] He took it before the ambulance left with just the woman and the two medics.

[37] On the way to the hospital, there was a nearby cardiac arrest.

[38] This was at the woman's mother's house.

[39] A family member had asked the police to do a welfare check on the mother because she and her daughter had fought about money earlier in the evening.

[40] My husband went to that call to start the code.

[41] Since the woman was stable, he went inside with the equipment to do the resuscitation.

[42] while his partner stayed in the ambulance with the woman.

[43] Inside the house, my husband found a lot of police officers in the kitchen with a dead elderly woman.

[44] She had been beaten to death with a rolling pin.

[45] No amount of CPR could help.

[46] Mom, so my husband continued on to take the daughter to the hospital, this time with a police officer also in the truck, because the woman had killed her mom and then tried to kill herself.

[47] Oh, my God.

[48] It's probably unnecessary to say, but I'm so glad the cop had taken that knife off.

[49] of her when she got in the ambulance with my husband.

[50] Yeah.

[51] SSDGM and hide your rolling pins when you fight about money, Carolyn from North Carolina.

[52] Holy shit.

[53] Ooh.

[54] Ooh.

[55] Oh, a rolling pin.

[56] It's also It's also dark.

[57] You think it's bad in this one direction and then it takes it hard left into Holy Schittsville.

[58] That's right.

[59] No one wants to live in Holy Schittsville.

[60] No, please.

[61] But we do like to drive by.

[62] Oh, yeah.

[63] That's what this podcast is.

[64] That's right.

[65] This is called Hometown Story.

[66] Perfect.

[67] Hi, all.

[68] I had just moved into my very first solo apartment in the big city.

[69] It was just me and my tabby, Calvin, and a cute little addict apartment in Cleveland Heights.

[70] Did I say addict?

[71] Yeah.

[72] Apartment.

[73] I thought I'd gotten over that.

[74] In Cleveland Heights, Ohio.

[75] I don't think you have to get over it.

[76] Okay, great.

[77] At this point, there's T -shirts and stuff.

[78] You might as well just lean in.

[79] After about a week of getting used to being on my own, I came home to see the message light blinking.

[80] This was the mid -90s.

[81] before everyone had cell phones or voicemail.

[82] So my cute little apartment had an old school answering machine.

[83] After about a week of getting used to being on my own, I came home to see the message light blinking on my machine with somewhere around 20 messages.

[84] Bad news.

[85] That's right.

[86] Only bad news.

[87] Which was way more than I'm used to receiving.

[88] Seven, up to seven is amazing.

[89] You're killing it.

[90] Everyone is super into you.

[91] People can't get enough.

[92] 20 messages?

[93] Someone's...

[94] Absolutely there's death involved.

[95] Right.

[96] I pressed the play button, and the first message was just five minutes of background noise, like distant sirens, horns honking and construction noise, etc. Weird, right?

[97] The second message was the same.

[98] And the third.

[99] By the fourth message of five minutes of background noise, I started to feel a little freaked out.

[100] Yeah.

[101] Five minutes was the maximum message time built into the machine.

[102] So it appeared someone was just calling and letting the five minutes run out and then calling back to do it again.

[103] Someone had called me 20 times and just sat there saying, nothing and a little tape ran out.

[104] Very freaky.

[105] Somebody was calling her listening to her voicemail machine.

[106] Like the quietness of it.

[107] I love everything about you, including your answering machine.

[108] I was suddenly very aware of how alone I was in this cute little apartment in the big city.

[109] As I sat there running through the worst case scenarios in my head, contemplating calling the police, thinking that maybe it's not such a bad idea to have a handgun, my sweet cat Calvin hopped upon the table.

[110] As he walked across the table, he stepped over the answering machine and inverted.

[111] activating the memo record function with his paw and sat there on the table, casually grooming himself while the machine recorded another five minutes of ambient noise.

[112] Her own cat was stalking her.

[113] It says stay safe and don't get stalked by your cat.

[114] Tina.

[115] Oh my God.

[116] That's so scary and then such a relief.

[117] I know.

[118] And also reminds me of Frank, if there's a button nearby that Frank shouldn't be touching, he walks up with his paw like a person and touches it.

[119] No, Frankie.

[120] I told you he's turned on like the laptop in the middle of the night and all of a sudden a movie starts playing and like and he's just laying there next to it like it was his choice.

[121] Okay, the subject line of this one is, Mother, I can't tell you anything or you look suspicious.

[122] Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and gaggle of pet friends.

[123] My mom shared a story with me over the weekend about my grandpa, her father -in -law.

[124] Back in November of 1960, there was a plane crash that occurred in the small southern Indiana town that my dad grew up in.

[125] 57 passengers and six crew members were on the flight and no one survived in the area that the plane crashed the town decided to build a memorial for the individuals that lost their lives that day my grandpa volunteered to be the keeper of the grounds making sure the path through the trees was always mowed and he would make sure to weed whack it as well he did this once a week for over 40 years until he passed away himself that's beautiful that's plenty right there but there's more of shit to get to where this memorial was was he would have to drive his truck through the back roads of Southern Indiana to basically a path in the trees, the one that he created with his lawnmower.

[126] He would then walk the path to remove anything that would obstruct his mowing.

[127] On one particular day during his initial walk, he came upon a body that was completely naked with both their feet and arms bound together with rope.

[128] This was pre -cell phone, so my grandpa had to get back into his truck, drive the back roads to the house.

[129] Let me sidebar real quick My grandpa also refused to ever drive Even the speed limit And I like to imagine that this was the day He said fuck it and sped for the first time in his life Anyway, he got home Called the police to explain that they needed to come out right away My poor grandma is trying to ask questions As he ran out the door, he told her not to talk to anyone She persisted in her questions When he finally yelled Mother, I can't tell you anything Or you'll look suspicious Oh my God There's nothing better than one old men call their wife's mother.

[130] It's the funniest thing of all time.

[131] Oh, God.

[132] All in all, it ended up being a meth deal gone wrong.

[133] Oh, fuck.

[134] Oh, it's so scary and dark and out in the middle of nowhere.

[135] Once the crime scene was removed, my grandpa went back to his duty of keeping the memorial at peak condition.

[136] That's such a beautiful thing.

[137] Yeah.

[138] And then horrible in the middle and then.

[139] Yes.

[140] Thanks for reading along, Stephen and Georgia Karen, if this gets chosen.

[141] Y 'all are a treat, and I look forward to.

[142] more years.

[143] Yes, the murdering knows of demand years of listening and there's no name.

[144] I want to be a treat always.

[145] I love that.

[146] You're a real treat.

[147] Y 'all are a treat.

[148] Y 'all are a treat.

[149] I love being a treat.

[150] Okay, I'm not going to tell you the name of this.

[151] Okay.

[152] Hey, y 'all.

[153] I love you guys and your pod.

[154] My mom got me hooked on it a few months ago and now I'm behind in my grad school papers.

[155] Don't blame us.

[156] Take responsibility.

[157] Anyway, my grandfather passed away about 10 years ago.

[158] He was a sweetest little man you'd ever met, my best friend as a kid.

[159] Him and my grandmother were your typical seven grandparents.

[160] We wrote horses every Sunday after church and he took me to gymnastics classes.

[161] Anyway, my grandma and grandpa met in the church choir years ago, fell in love and were married for 45 years.

[162] Oh, way to go.

[163] Fast forward to three years ago, my mom gets a DNA kit done.

[164] That's how all good stories start.

[165] Oh, God.

[166] And finds out she has a brother she never knew about halfway across the country.

[167] She gets in touch with him, and he tells my mom that my grandfather and his mother were an item back in the 50s before he went to prison.

[168] My mom obviously confronted my grandmother about this, and she chuckled and said, yeah, your daddy was a different man back before I met him.

[169] This conversation spriled into my grandma confessing to my mom that my grandpa was actually part of the prison choir program that sang in her church.

[170] So they did meet in choir.

[171] Yes.

[172] My grandma was in the church, non -prison choir, and that's how they met.

[173] eventually married once he was out of prison.

[174] My mom tried to pry on what he was in prison for, but my grandma wouldn't talk much about it, and we've had no luck finding old records.

[175] My grandma came from a prominent family, doctors, lawyers, etc., but she has never really been close with them.

[176] Family reunes were always awkward.

[177] It all makes sense now after learning she met my ex -configure in a prison church choir.

[178] I guess they didn't approve.

[179] Stay sex skin, don't believe your grandparents when they tell you how they met, Whitney.

[180] Can you imagine you are a young woman in a god -fearing southern family that's successful and you're singing in the choir and here comes some hot young convict who's like bu bu bu yeah and you catch eyes across the fucking room and harmonize in the name of the lord that's right danger that is a sexy love story it's the plot of son of a preacher man i think oh in reverse jurg what if i told you we could be transported to the 1920s to solve a murder.

[181] I'd say my entire life and wardrobe have led me to this point.

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[184] As June Parker, you'll investigate beautifully detailed scenes of the 1920s while uncovering the mystery of her sister's murder.

[185] There are twists, turns, and catchy tunes all leading you deeper into the thrilling storyline.

[186] And if you play well enough, you could make it to the detective club where you can chat with other players and either team up with them or compete against them.

[187] June needs your help, but watch out you never know which character might be a villain.

[188] Find out as you escape this world and dive into June's world of mystery, murder, and romance.

[189] Can you crack the case?

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[191] Discover your inner detective when you download June's Journey.

[192] for free today on iOS and Android.

[193] That's June's Journey, download the game for free on iOS and Android.

[194] Goodbye.

[195] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[196] Absolutely.

[197] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[198] Exactly.

[199] And if you're a small business owner, you might know Shopify is great for online sales.

[200] But did you know that they also power in -person sales?

[201] That's right.

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[209] Connect with customers in line and online.

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[212] Important note, that promo code is all lowercase.

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[214] That's Shopify .com slash murder.

[215] Goodbye.

[216] Love it.

[217] Okay.

[218] It's my turn.

[219] Yeah, go.

[220] The subject line of this is clergy Facebook groups and Jeffrey Dahmer.

[221] Great.

[222] Hi, friends.

[223] I'm writing on behalf of myself and a colleague.

[224] We're both female.

[225] clergy, a pastor and a deacon, and we're both murderinos.

[226] We also are both in a number of clergy Facebook groups, which is where this story comes from.

[227] Listen, I'll spary the details, but it probably comes as no surprise that clergy Facebook groups can be real dumpster fires.

[228] I would not have guessed that.

[229] No one's safe.

[230] Delete Facebook is all I have to say.

[231] Lots of petty arguments about how right and wrong way to do things, depressing stories, about how genuinely shitty church people can be to one another.

[232] and my personal favorite endless examples of sexism and misogyny in the church.

[233] But on a good day, in these groups, you can find love, affirmation, and support from your colleagues, a heartwarming story that restores your hope in people, and occasionally a fantastic and disturbing what -the -fuck story like this one.

[234] Yeah, see, there's always a silver lining.

[235] A pastor colleague of ours posted in the group that when he was visiting with an older member of his church, he learned that this church member was a prison guard where Jeffrey Dahmer was held.

[236] Wow.

[237] Not only that, but this church member slash prison guard had to escort Dahmer back to a cell after an attempt was made on his life.

[238] Apparently, Dahmer was attending Sunday night chapel, parentheses.

[239] I mean, good for him, but I would hate to be the clergy person leading that service.

[240] And parentheses.

[241] When a fellow inmate armed with a homemade razor blade slash toothbrush shit tried to slit Dahmer's throat.

[242] On the first swipe, however, the blade broke and the guards pulled the two apart.

[243] Dahmer had to go to the infirmary with a cut on his neck and when he was released from the infirmary our colleague's church member had the task of escorting him back to his cell.

[244] On their way to a cell, Dommer turned to the garden and said, that's what happens when you give an amateur a knife.

[245] What the fuck?

[246] Oh my God.

[247] My colleague and I thought you all would appreciate this story and the fact that you've got a lot of clergy murderinos out there.

[248] Wow.

[249] Stay sexy and don't get murdered.

[250] We'll handle doing God's missions.

[251] Sarah and Julie.

[252] Oh my God.

[253] That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard.

[254] The clergy bringing the good hometowns.

[255] Thank you.

[256] Jeffrey Dahmer, you're creep.

[257] Jeffrey Dahmer is, yeah.

[258] He makes true crime no fun, in my opinion.

[259] There's just, it's just so awful.

[260] It's so awful.

[261] It's so awful.

[262] Okay, here's my last one.

[263] Okay.

[264] Hello, friends.

[265] I'm a fairly new but compulsive listener, and I just heard the episode about finding things in your walls.

[266] I lived in Manitow Springs, Colorado, I'm sure I'm fucking saying that wrong, several years ago in a remodeled 1800s home.

[267] I was just asking to be haunted.

[268] The large home was divided into five separate apartments and the only space tenant shared was the basement laundry room.

[269] I went into the community laundry room one night and found the door stuck on something.

[270] I shoved my body weight into the door and busted my ass into the laundry room, but managed to damage the large wooden laundry bench against the wall in the process.

[271] While trying to discreetly put the top piece of plywood back on the bench, I happened to glance inside.

[272] It was a staircase.

[273] That was A, very deliberately hidden.

[274] B, going into the earth from an already underground basement.

[275] No. C. Compromised of 12 hand -dug steps.

[276] No. Comprised.

[277] Thank you.

[278] I went upstairs and skipped the laundry that night.

[279] Oh.

[280] The day I was moving.

[281] Hand dug steps are like, I can't.

[282] Yeah.

[283] It's horrible.

[284] It's horrible.

[285] The day I was moving from the house, I finally went down the hidden stairs.

[286] I got to the bottom and shined my flashlight to find a small bedroom -sized hole dug into the ground beneath my house.

[287] There was an entire nursery filled with baby furniture dating at least 100 years old.

[288] What?

[289] The craziest part was that nothing was out of place in the slightest.

[290] It looked like it was being kept up even.

[291] Everyone I tell the story, too, develops new theories, especially given the town's paranormal and dark stigma.

[292] Well, stay out of the creepy devil basement and don't get murdered.

[293] No name.

[294] Oh.

[295] Your face.

[296] First of all, no pictures?

[297] I know.

[298] Would you ever descend?

[299] I would.

[300] But, okay.

[301] But think about Earth -Dug stairs.

[302] Uh -huh.

[303] If they, if you crush those stairs on the -oh.

[304] way down then you're stuck in that hole and you have to live in the baby furniture and you have to get in the crib maybe each baby furniture is the soul of someone who fell down the stage yes and turned into a weird rocking horse from the 1800s that is who did that why did they do it their baby furniture 100 year old baby furniture down there it sounds like it was set up like a room not just like a storage place for baby furniture yeah like a baby's room a dirt baby's room like a worm baby.

[305] A little earthworm baby with big eyes and eyelashes.

[306] Like the guy from the Richard Scarey.

[307] And he's got a little top hat and a pipe.

[308] The first worm ghost baby.

[309] Nick Terry, can you get on the earthworm ghost baby, please?

[310] I feel like it might be the end of the year.

[311] I feel like it's the end of a long year.

[312] I feel like we need a minute of a break.

[313] I feel like I feel like I love doing this show.

[314] but I may have just gone over the edge with the earthworm dirt baby it's terrible why don't we have pictures of it why can't I see it firsthand write us your fucked up weird stories Jesus that was fun we'll read them in 2020 yes thank you but don't lie yeah don't make earthworm babies out that better be true god damn it stay sexy and don't get murdered goodbye Elvis do you want a cookie