MFM Minisode 250

[0] This is exactly right.

[1] My favorite murder.

[2] The minisode.

[3] Minisode time for you.

[4] I'll go first.

[5] This email, the subject line is why it's hip to be square.

[6] Oh.

[7] Hello humans, mammals, and other earthlings.

[8] When I was 20, I lived alone for the first time in a small, quiet apartment community.

[9] After a long evening out chatting with friends in the parking lot of the local hangout, I noticed our group had started to dwindle as it was getting pretty late, and all of the businesses nearby had.

[10] been closed for hours.

[11] One of the people that had been chatting with us was a new face, and I learned that he was bicycling across the country after beating cancer, camping and couch surfing as he went along.

[12] Everyone was very intrigued at his story and how he was living his dreams.

[13] He had stayed at a male friend's house the previous two nights, so when I was ready to leave, I asked if he would be staying at my friend's house again, but he said no, since my friend had to go out of town, and he would have to make camp.

[14] At this point, the others had left, and it was just me and him saying goodbye.

[15] It was spring, unusually cold, and this guy looked rail thin and already shivering.

[16] So I did the best thing I could think of at the time, went alone in a parking lot at midnight with a strange traveling man, and I invited him to sleep on my couch.

[17] I felt it was super uncool of me to not offer, and I thought it would be awesome to be part of his story.

[18] After loading his bicycle into the back of my Corsica.

[19] Corsica, wow.

[20] And getting back to my place I offered him a snack and chatted with him for only a few minutes in the living room.

[21] I had to work early in the morning, so I let him know and handed him some blankets.

[22] He seemed really grateful, and it wasn't until I went into my bedroom that I realized what I had actually done.

[23] I had invited a strange bicycling man back to my apartment, and no one knew it but me. At the time, I didn't have a cell phone, and the only house phone was in the living room with him.

[24] I went to lock my bedroom door and only then realized there was no lock on it.

[25] my apartment was so quiet you could hear a pin drop so I very carefully pushed by fake wood light as a feather and not gonna stop anyone dresser in front of the door thinking at least if he came in it would give me a second to defend myself with absolutely nothing because I had no weapons whatsoever in my room and was on the second floor somehow I dozed off and a couple hours later woke by the sound of him quietly calling my name from the other side of the door I went to the door and without opening it or moving the dresser, I asked him what he needed.

[26] He said he couldn't sleep and was wondering if I wanted to talk.

[27] I decided right then that I needed to take him somewhere else, knowing that I wouldn't get any rest with this random dude in the other room.

[28] So I told him just a minute and that I would be right out.

[29] Ignorant to everything I have learned about stranger danger in the last 17 years since this happened, I pushed the dresser out of the way and opened the door.

[30] It was very dark in the hallway with only a tiny bit of light.

[31] from the street shining through the blinds but as i struggled to focus my eyes i realized that he was standing right in front of me less than inches away still at my door it startled me so i asked what he was doing and he said again i just wanted to talk now at this point my eyes had fully adjusted and i could see that he was completely 100 % naked oh no i'm not sure what he was expecting to happen or what kind of woman has ever been turned on by a scrawny man with a with a flaccid penis.

[32] As I backed into my room a few steps and I shut the door between us and loudly proclaimed that I was giving him one minute to get dressed and that he needed to leave.

[33] During this one minute, I started to shake with rage and decided maybe it was he that should be scared of me. I barged out of the bedroom on the offense, shouting and now holding a screwdriver, the only thing I could find nearby.

[34] Hey, that'll work.

[35] As I was shouting loudly at him about taking advantage of women, he tried to interject that he thought my invitation to crash on the couch meant something more, but I was not having it.

[36] Yeah, then you would have invited him in your bed, dude.

[37] Right.

[38] It would be quite clear if she was interested in you in any sort of way.

[39] So now she's being punished for being decent and basically accepting you guilting her as you stand there shivering alone in a parking lot.

[40] you not understanding any fucking cues as to a woman not being fucking interested in you.

[41] Or you understanding that you got no cues but you want it anyway.

[42] So too bad for her, right?

[43] Well, no. Because now we're back in the email.

[44] Okay.

[45] Let's do it.

[46] As my intensity built, I continue to interrupt him yelling, get out, while channeling my inner carry.

[47] And then in parentheses, it says Stephen King.

[48] Yeah.

[49] At this point, it should be mentioned.

[50] My actions were also an incorrect response since I didn't have any special powers or a real weapon to back up my rage.

[51] Fortunately, the guy quickly dressed, grabs his things, and rode off in the night on his bicycle.

[52] I learned a lot from this experience, and it changed the way I interact with strangers and how I managed my personal space from then on.

[53] Thanks for listening to my story.

[54] Stay sexy.

[55] Who cares if you're cool?

[56] And remember, you don't have to help anyone, Britney.

[57] Love it, Brittany.

[58] That's right.

[59] You are not obligated, and it might be awkward in the last.

[60] those few moments of you're not offering, but you're not obligated in any way to help people out because of fucking guilt.

[61] Now, if you lived in a house with, you know, say, three large dudes and a couple other people, then that's fine because it won't be on you.

[62] But as a woman living alone by herself, that's the, you can look that guy in the eye and go, it's not safe for me to bring you back to my house.

[63] That would be crazy.

[64] Right.

[65] And then good luck, friend.

[66] You should have actually, you should have locked this down or, totally no he was waiting for a single woman to fucking invite him over that's what he was doing could have yeah all right carey but this is how we learn she also shouldn't feel guilty because this is how we learn it's like you can't you can make assumptions and then once you're in a scary situation go well now i've learned my lesson totally no guilt no shade continue on stronger than ever.

[67] Growing, learning, loving.

[68] Screwdrivers.

[69] The cocktail or the screwdriver?

[70] All of it.

[71] The weapon.

[72] The cocktail.

[73] I'm not going to tell you the name of this one.

[74] It starts.

[75] You guys are my favorite.

[76] This is long, so I'm jumping in.

[77] I've written the story to you before, but since then, my beloved great uncle has passed away, and the reflection of his memory has been brought back to the surface.

[78] Oh, beautifully put.

[79] When I was around 12 years old, my parents told me that my mother's favorite aunt and uncle would be coming to visit for a while.

[80] I had never met them, but my mom always spoke of them fondly.

[81] When they arrived, I was surprised to see them park their giant RV in front of our house, Christmas vacation style.

[82] I love that reference.

[83] I love it.

[84] Although they were welcomed to our guest bedroom, they told us that they felt more comfortable just staying in their home.

[85] They parked in front of our suburban home for a little over a week, and despite the, attention their RV drew from the kids that rode my school bus, they were fun to have around.

[86] They sat in our living room, strumming the auto harp, wailing out tinny bluegrass songs, and telling stories of their colorful life living across the country in an RV.

[87] I knew that my uncle, let's call him John, had been a very successful businessman.

[88] So once they left, I asked my mom why they lived in an RV.

[89] She very calmly said, oh, they're on the lamb.

[90] And they're just traveling the country in the RV until the statute runs out.

[91] You probably shouldn't tell any of your friends what their names are.

[92] Oh.

[93] Oh.

[94] Oh.

[95] They're on the lamb.

[96] I'm mom.

[97] I'm Carol.

[98] Your mom.

[99] They're on the lamb.

[100] It's sweet Carol.

[101] They're on the lamb.

[102] And then she writes, I'm sorry.

[103] What?

[104] So we just had a wanted fugitive stay with us for over a week.

[105] And you're just now giving me the heads up about this.

[106] As it turns out, Uncle John was wanted for a huge mail fraud scam.

[107] Oh.

[108] His brother, who was now in prison, was arrested first.

[109] But John and his son, his wife got the heads up early so early enough to take off i asked my mom for more details and she said well for years here's carroll well for years they sent out advertisements in the mail for a penis enlargement product once the men had mailed their checks in for the product all john and his brother sent back to them were photos of naked women it's a penis enlargement it's sarcasm through the mail that's fucked up like they didn't have to send anything they could have just not responded and Instead, they were like, get it?

[110] They're like, eh, et, et, et, gotcha.

[111] They made enough money to support two households.

[112] So fog.

[113] So apparently his, quote, successful business was not at all what I thought it had been.

[114] John's statute ran out over 20 years ago, but he and his wife got so used to living on the lamb that they decided it was home and continued to live that way until he recently passed.

[115] I guess I'm glad that his ridiculous scheme ended up providing them with their dream lives.

[116] I'm also glad that I didn't have to explain to the kids on my book.

[117] why the SWAT team showed up to arrest the people in the trailer outside my house because of a penis enlargement male scandal.

[118] As a 12 -year -old, that would have been very bad for my social life.

[119] Anyway, I love you guys.

[120] Stay sexy and don't promise penis enlargements, Angela from Tulsa.

[121] Oh, no, Angela.

[122] Penis enlargement.

[123] That is hijinks.

[124] High jinks.

[125] And it must have been like the 60s or something, I'd assume.

[126] or the 70s.

[127] Yeah, when people mailed things.

[128] People mailed things.

[129] There was no way to kind of like get the word out.

[130] They probably wouldn't anyway because it's like, hey, this didn't happen to me, but it happened to a friend of mine.

[131] I mean, to press charges would be so embarrassing probably.

[132] It's horrible.

[133] I mean, they, I think that's probably part of it right?

[134] They're taking advantage of the fact that what are you going to do.

[135] It sucks.

[136] It sucks.

[137] That's like when when Etsy, when eBay, when eBay, first started, I knew somebody that was selling it would be a picture that he just bought like postcards at the like at a gift store.

[138] But then he would put it on there and people assumed they were like fancy posters because he was charging like $250 for them.

[139] And then he'd send it and it was just a postcard.

[140] But he was like, I'm putting in the size.

[141] Right.

[142] Oh, I. Like it's just that they're not doing their homework.

[143] So it's like taking advantage.

[144] It was the first wave of taking advantage of people who don't really know how to use the internet.

[145] Right.

[146] And there's no checks and balances because the website's kind of new.

[147] And it's like, well, sorry, it's that thing of getting you on it, on that, like, well, did you not read that it says right there, it's five inches by three inches.

[148] Oh, I can just feel myself falling for something like that, so I feel for it.

[149] Entirely.

[150] Okay.

[151] This is, there are so many O's in this word spooky.

[152] Spooky Halloween story.

[153] Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, an exactly right crew.

[154] Oh, thank you.

[155] Oh, man, have I got a ghost story to put you in the spooky Halloween trademark simple mood?

[156] Thank you.

[157] Yes, let's get into this spooky Halloween mood.

[158] Okay.

[159] This is my third -hand retelling of my aunts, my mom's, sisters, wild spiritual encounter.

[160] I would have asked my aunt Katie for her first -hand account, but my family doesn't talk to her anymore.

[161] Got to love those dysfunctional extended family members.

[162] am I right?

[163] Hell yes.

[164] Oh, thank God we don't have anyone in my family.

[165] Yeah, we don't have one of those, thank God.

[166] You don't have, ever?

[167] In the family?

[168] No, everyone is on a level.

[169] Oh, that's nice.

[170] There's no one cut off.

[171] That's good.

[172] Yeah.

[173] I don't think there's any now, but I think over the years also because our family is gigantic.

[174] But over the years, there have been like, there was one between my mom and my grandma that I heard about years after.

[175] Oh.

[176] where it was like basically my grandmother said something about my mom's good friend and then she was like you have no right to judge her and then there was like it was like silent treatment for a year oh yeah we'll do that okay we've done that I thought that was normal I thought that was just families I thought you're talking about like decades that's just Thanksgiving that's every year I think everybody's family has that kind of shit there's no one that can hurt you more than like your own family yeah oh yeah my sister and I didn't talk for like gear yeah now we're like close okay yeah that's normal okay got it now for the creepy shit my mom is the youngest of three siblings with her brother rob in the middle and her sister katy as the oldest my grandfather i hope these aren't real names oh well my grandfather's job required him to move his family all over the country every several years whether my mom and her siblings liked it or not.

[177] After just moving from New York State down to Bel Air, Maryland, which is in parentheses as it says my hometown, during the summer of 1972, my 12 -year -old mom and her family were settling into yet another home.

[178] One of the first nights there, my aunt Katie woke up the rest of the family with a blood -curdling scream.

[179] Hearing this, my grandmother rushed to her daughter's room to see what was wrong.

[180] I just saw Nana sitting on the bed, cried my aunt.

[181] This was especially shocking, my great -grandmother had passed away just a few months prior.

[182] According to Aunt Katie, the apparition of my great -grandmother was reading a newspaper with the front -page headline, Bel Air Family dies in house fire.

[183] What?

[184] My grandma assured Aunt Katie that it was just a dream and to go back to sleep.

[185] What makes this story even more chilling is the fact that an inspector was scheduled to come the next morning to make sure the new house is electric, heating, cooling gas, etc., was in working order for the new owners.

[186] When the inspector was finished, he informed my grandfather how lucky he was that he had come out that day, because if my family had turned on the AC unit in the basement, they would have certainly blown up due to faulty wiring, killing everyone inside.

[187] Okay, hold up right now.

[188] Yeah.

[189] Like, I believe imaginations do a lot of things, but a 12 -year -old imagining that head, like, that's just not, that's like a really elaborate, thing to imagine.

[190] It could have just been the grandma telling her, you know, hey, you're going to die in a house fight.

[191] You know, it's like, why?

[192] Exactly.

[193] It's elaborate.

[194] And also, it's the kind of thing where oftentimes people who don't believe in ghosts or those kinds of experiences are like, yeah, it just doesn't really make any sense.

[195] But this one is just like, clearly I am warning you about something.

[196] Right.

[197] Right.

[198] Like, I'm trying to, I'm breaking through for this very specific task.

[199] Yeah.

[200] Okay.

[201] So shout out to my great grandmother's ghost for warning my family of an eminent danger and keeping them alive so I could be around today to be a murdererino.

[202] Stay sexy and take your grandma's ghost seriously.

[203] Love to you all, Maddie, she, her.

[204] Wow.

[205] That is spooky Halloween trademark, indie.

[206] That's a spooky Halloween trademark.

[207] Good one, Maddie.

[208] Nice one.

[209] All right, I have a first responder story.

[210] Great.

[211] We haven't had one of those in a while.

[212] And this is also a famous person story at the same time.

[213] Carrie Grant.

[214] Is that you, Carrie Grant?

[215] Carrie Grant, are you here to tell us about my house fire?

[216] All right.

[217] First responder story.

[218] Hello.

[219] I tried sending this story in before, but now looking back, even I'm horrified at how long it was.

[220] See, it takes a little bit of time to really see with clear eyes like that.

[221] Yeah.

[222] So this is a revised edition.

[223] Here we go.

[224] I'm a prosecutor, and my husband is a firefighter paramedic, so you can imagine between the two of us, we've got stories.

[225] Before moving to Massachusetts, my husband was a firefighter paramedic in Montana.

[226] One night, around 1 a .m., they get dispatched for a report of a man walking down a rural road who may or may not have been intoxicated.

[227] They respond and find the man who is walking aimlessly down this road in the middle of nowhere, Montana, and he's holding two bottles of wine.

[228] Hmm, sounds like a party.

[229] They asked him what he's up to And he responds That he's going for a walk Because it was a beautiful night He then informed them That his friend was having a party And that's where he had come from But now he didn't know how to get back to the house Now my husband and his partner We're obviously familiar with the area And they happen to know that Jeff Amant The bass player for Pearl Jam Yeah Had a house nearby So they have a fairly good idea Of where this gentleman was trying to get to They offered him a ride Which he gladly accepts The man climbs into the cab of the fire truck, and they begin driving to Jeff Amit's house.

[230] Is that right, Amit?

[231] I think so.

[232] That was a little over two miles away.

[233] Once inside the cab, my husband's partner is talking to the man and eventually asks, Hey, is your name Eddie?

[234] The man responds that it is, which then prompts the question, are you Eddie Vetter?

[235] Yeah.

[236] And you guessed it, the lead singer of Pearl Jam was now hitchhiking a ride with a local Montana fire company back to Jeff Ammon's house.

[237] They dropped him off.

[238] He thanked them and then carried on with his night.

[239] My husband and his partner were familiar with Jeff Amund's house because he used to hold Sunday skate sessions for local skateboarders.

[240] He had a whole skate park on his property and sometimes people would get hurt so the local first responders got to visit.

[241] But they never had an opportunity to offer a rock legend a ride before.

[242] First time for everything.

[243] I hope you enjoyed this story.

[244] And I know everyone thanks you for talking about mental health.

[245] so I'm not going to repeat it, but I have one very important detail to add.

[246] I started listening to MFM because my therapist recommended it to me. She also loves your podcast and knew that while I was going through some really dark shit, you guys could make me laugh.

[247] So it's official your therapist recommended.

[248] Hey!

[249] Yeah, who needs an award.

[250] Trademark.

[251] Trademark.

[252] Stay sexy.

[253] Listen to your therapist when she tells you to listen to MFM and watch out for men wandering rural Montana Roads, they just might be a grunge rock star.

[254] Love, A. Yes.

[255] Eddie Better.

[256] That's the coolest.

[257] I mean, here's a thing.

[258] That guy, I've heard lots of stories about Eddie Vedder over the years.

[259] He is a humongous rock star, an amazing talent.

[260] He parties and he has a good goddamn time.

[261] Yeah.

[262] Like, yeah.

[263] Yeah.

[264] That's what you would do.

[265] Yes.

[266] Or am I just a chill person.

[267] picturing him on Portlandia and he seemed really cool.

[268] in that.

[269] No, no, no, everyone that I know that has met him adores him.

[270] And it's like, yeah, when that's what I used, I would either, when I got really drunk, I'd either want to start singing or I'd want to take a walk.

[271] And you're in Montana, which is like, so gorgeous.

[272] I used to leave parties all the time.

[273] Sometimes if they had a dog, I'd take the dog for a walk.

[274] Sometimes I just wander off on my own, which isn't safe now that I think about it.

[275] I also have a story that I used to do in my act, because one time my dad goes, hey, when he came, it was when I was still in high school or high school or college, and he came home from the firehouse one day and goes, hey, I met your friend last night.

[276] And I was like, who?

[277] And he goes, yeah, we were in.

[278] Apparently, they had to resuscitate Slash after a concert in San Francisco.

[279] The fire department got called because he, like, OD or something bad happened.

[280] And my dad was like, oh, Karen knows, Karen must know this guy.

[281] Karen must know slash from Guns and Roses.

[282] Because it was just like somebody that partied that was just like, you know, oh, I met your friend.

[283] That's your friend slash.

[284] Yeah.

[285] Right.

[286] Karen, you know I'm all about vintage shopping.

[287] Absolutely.

[288] And when you say vintage, you mean when you physically drive to a store and actually purchase something with cash.

[289] Exactly.

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[292] sales?

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[300] You asked for a story like this, so here it goes.

[301] My grandmother was born in 1932 in Jersey City to Italian immigrants, and she and my grandfather, born in Brooklyn, also to Italian immigrants, both had hilarious stories of growing up, straddling the line between being authentically American and Italian at the same time.

[302] My grandfather passed away years ago, but this is a story that my grandmother still tells to this day.

[303] my grandma rachel and her cousin rose god no one's named rose anymore that's so like first generation classic yeah yep and her cousin rose were inseparable growing up they always did things together they went to the new york world's fair of nineteen thirty nine even good god anyway my great grandmother rachel's mom decided to send the girls on a special mission at the tender age of nine they were to go to the home of a family friend and pick up a very important and very illegal package.

[304] Homemade vodka.

[305] So basically like Italian moonshine.

[306] She's homemade vodka.

[307] Yeah.

[308] My great grandma could make the most delicious lemoncello from this high octane vodka.

[309] So of course, she wanted to send the most innocuous smugglers to get the job done, her child and niece.

[310] In order to hide their legal activities, the girls were set up with a baby buggy with lots of blankets and so they could disguise the alcohol as a baby.

[311] Oh, just amazing.

[312] They were to go straight to the moonshine lady's house and not to talk to people along the way so they don't arouse suspicion.

[313] But of course, act natural too.

[314] So hustle, but be natural.

[315] Off the girls went, and once they arrived, the lady wrapped several giant jugs of vodka in the blankets, swaddling them, if you will, and weighing the buggy down more than any infant possibly could.

[316] They were told that no matter what, do not let anyone see the baby inside the bucket.

[317] Yeah, no shit.

[318] It took both girls all their combined strength to get the buggy up the block and through the neighborhood because it was so weighed down with a vodka.

[319] They would stop and rest for a minute when they could, all the while trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone.

[320] And if someone did start to show interest in them and their cute little baby, they would simply say, no, no, this baby is very very.

[321] ugly.

[322] And keep on hustling up the street.

[323] You're going to said it was a fete.

[324] It was a doll.

[325] This baby's ugly.

[326] Don't bother.

[327] This baby's too ugly to look at it.

[328] And that's not.

[329] I bet back then an old time.

[330] They're like, yeah, probably.

[331] Some ugly babies in the old time.

[332] They're like, oh, I don't want to see an ugly baby.

[333] Thanks for the warning.

[334] They made it back home, sweaty and tired, but safely delivered the precious cargo to my great grandmother.

[335] She was very.

[336] crowd.

[337] Needless to say, no one went to jail.

[338] Not for that anyway.

[339] And my grandmother still makes her mother's recipe of lemoncello from legally purchased vodka this time.

[340] And it's amazing and I really need to learn it.

[341] I love you all and appreciate what you do.

[342] Stay strong, stay sexy.

[343] And maybe don't let your children transport your illegal alcohol for you.

[344] XOXO Sarah.

[345] Sarah, you need to learn how to make it and send us some because I want to try that.

[346] That's the shit.

[347] Yeah, that sounds amazing.

[348] Yeah.

[349] I bet it really is.

[350] Okay.

[351] I'm not going to redo the hilarious name of this.

[352] Wait.

[353] Okay.

[354] Yeah.

[355] You'll read it at the end.

[356] You'll get it.

[357] It's quick.

[358] Hi, human friends.

[359] Hi, furry friends.

[360] I've been meaning to write in about this for a while.

[361] When my sister Allie was in college, she watched a boy named Thomas from birth to around five years old.

[362] My sister and I are a lot alike in the sense that we always lose our car keys or lock our keys in our car.

[363] I wish at age 30 I could say I've grown out of it, but no. On one of the instances, my sister lost her keys, she had to borrow her roommate's car to get to her babysitting gig.

[364] Thomas was two years old at the time, and his parents were so excited to have a night out in Bloomington, Indiana.

[365] Little did they know they'd have to go through some drama first.

[366] When she got there, and shortly before they left, Allie was making faces, you know, happy, silly faces you make with children.

[367] I don't know if it was just a terrifying, scary monster face.

[368] Just like silent scream faces, you know, at Thomas while his parents were holding him.

[369] Then she took her roommate's keys and took what she thought was a laser light and pressing a button on said laser light near Thomas's face.

[370] No, no, no, no, no. It was not a laser light.

[371] And then it says, why would you shine a laser light near two -year -old is beyond me?

[372] But nonetheless, all caps, it was Mace.

[373] Yes, my sister maced a two -year -old boy, she babysat.

[374] Oh, my God.

[375] It took everyone a second to react, including Thomas, but once he did, it was pure chaos.

[376] And then it says, don't worry, he's fine.

[377] He screamed bloody murder, and then I shit you not, he started throwing up.

[378] Yeah, yeah.

[379] They put him in a bath.

[380] I guess that helps, question mark.

[381] And then his parents were on their way to their date.

[382] what really yeah she said the parents were there for yeah yeah they were holding the baby and she was making faces at it laser light in your little face holy shit and it says if i had a two year old and didn't get out much you bet you bet your ass i'd probably do the same thing your parents weren't upset with my sister or anything but i'm sure they were thinking why the fuck would you press a button near a child's face if you aren't certain what the button is for yeah my sister said it was when of the top five worst moments of her life.

[383] Yeah, I bet.

[384] You would never stop, like, getting, like, a hit of that and cringing.

[385] You just would never stop.

[386] You maced a baby.

[387] You maced a baby.

[388] Stay sexy and maybe don't mace the child.

[389] You're babysitting, Hannah.

[390] Like, you knew it was coming the whole time, and then it just came.

[391] Yeah.

[392] And then there it was.

[393] And also, you know, I think we talked about this before because I have several cousins who are a San Francisco policeman and they have to get maced when they first start training right?

[394] Because it's like you can't you have to know the weapon and the intensity of the weapon you're about to use on people and so I was asking one of my cousins about it and he was just like it's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And he was you know 27 when it happened so it's like a baby two years old yeah.

[395] That's the other thing that's so fucked up about you know when we watched like all the all the marches and all the protests over the like last summer and then that it was like there were cops that would just go out and just spray it like a fucking hairspray it was horrifying so fucked up totally um that it now we just have to sit with that anyway yeah I think it's it but the intensity of that scenario clearly if the parents were like all right we're going to dinner let us know if anything bad happened.

[396] Yeah, it's obviously not.

[397] It wasn't the world.

[398] And I think when you're a parent, too, you're like, yeah, that happened.

[399] Like, you're more used to bad shit happening because children constantly try to kill themselves.

[400] And that's like your job in the beginning is to like make sure they don't kill themselves.

[401] Yeah, you don't.

[402] Like, it makes me panic because I don't have kids.

[403] Those parents are like, oh, we've seen way worse than that.

[404] Unphased.

[405] Yeah.

[406] That's like the time that me and my next door neighbor stuck a pull into a hornet's.

[407] nest and then got covered in bee stings.

[408] Holy shit.

[409] I never told you that story?

[410] It's whatever, sorry, wasps or hornets.

[411] Whatever ones, they're ones that build their nests underground.

[412] So we found it in the backyard because it was just like a big open field.

[413] We're like, holy shit, what's this?

[414] And we tried to put a bucket over it, but then the bucket turned black.

[415] It was like a white bucket and the bucket turned black because the bees were trying to come out.

[416] And so we're like, ooh, we got to knock that bucket off because now we made them angry.

[417] and so we took this really, really long pole and we're trying to knock the bucket off and instead it knocked the bucket off then the pole went straight into the nest and then we stood there and literally watched I can't believe I've told you this story I've definitely told it on podcast before we watched a swarm of bees come straight up out of the ground and just like a cartoon, pause in like a cloud and then come straight at us.

[418] It was the scariest.

[419] Oh my God.

[420] It was insane.

[421] insane.

[422] I was covered from head to toe.

[423] And I was wearing overalls, of course, because I was like 10.

[424] And so I had overall, I had bees in my clothes, in my hair.

[425] And then I run up to the back door.

[426] We lived five miles out of town.

[427] We didn't lock our front door.

[428] The back door was locked somehow.

[429] So I was in a, like, still in the swarm of bees banging on the back door waiting for someone to open the door.

[430] And my mom walked up with one of those like cordless curling irons going, what are you doing?

[431] And like yelling at me. and then I just run in and like 20 bees come into the house with me. It was insane.

[432] That's terrifying.

[433] And then they went out to dinner.

[434] The bees?

[435] Yeah, they all decided to go out with my parents.

[436] My mom put a full baking soda kind of poultice thing on every limb.

[437] And I just laid on the couch and then they were like, all right, call us if anything happens.

[438] And went to my Aunt Jane and Uncle Steve's for dinner.

[439] Hey, do you have a story that's like that right?

[440] Hey, my favorite murder at Gmail.

[441] No, my brother got covered in a red ants once, same kind of Mario.

[442] And same thing?

[443] Then your mom was like, peace.

[444] I got to go to the PTA meeting or whatever.

[445] No, my mom didn't go to the fucking PTA meeting.

[446] She went to the crazy horse or whatever.

[447] Fucking line dancing thing was an orange woman.

[448] She got to go light.

[449] Tonight's my line dancing night.

[450] That's right, that's right, Asher.

[451] Sorry about that.

[452] Sorry, buddy.

[453] Write us at my favorite murder at Gmail.

[454] I already said that.

[455] If you want another hometown, we do one more on the fan cults at my favorite murder .com.

[456] Thank you guys so much.

[457] Exclusive.

[458] Content.

[459] Yeah.

[460] Exclusive.

[461] Stay sexy.

[462] And don't get murdered.

[463] Go bye.

[464] Goodbye.

[465] Elvis, do you want a cookie?

[466] This has been an exactly right production.

[467] Our producer is Hannah Kyle Kreiton.

[468] Associate producer Alejandra Keck.

[469] Engineer and mixer.

[470] Steven.

[471] Ray Morris.

[472] Researchers, Jay Elias and Haley Gray.

[473] Send us your hometowns and your fucking hoorays at my favorite murder at gmail .com.

[474] And follow the show on Instagram and Facebook.

[475] at My Favorite Murder and Twitter at My Fave Murder.

[476] And for more information about this podcast, our live shows, merch, or to join the fancult, go to My Favorite Murder .com.

[477] Rate review and subscribe.