Anna Faris

[0] Hi, this is Dax.

[1] Welcome to Armchair Expert.

[2] Today, Anna Fara stopped by.

[3] And I just really like Anna.

[4] I've done her podcast.

[5] I've bumped into her over the years.

[6] I just think she's so supremely talented as a comedian and an actor.

[7] But eclipsing all that is her willingness to be vulnerable and honest.

[8] And if you find that you want even more of that after listening to this, you should check out her podcast unqualified, which again, I repeat, I've been on once.

[9] And I think I'll go and do again.

[10] Again, it's wildly successful and well -deserved without further ado.

[11] Well, I guess I should say you should watch her on moms, too.

[12] Let's plug that.

[13] And now without further ado, on a Ferris.

[14] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and add free right now.

[15] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[16] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[17] No one asks about that.

[18] What?

[19] No, Anna Paris, welcome to the armchair expert.

[20] You're asking about a picture of a dog that's behind me, correct?

[21] Yes, I am.

[22] Can you confirm or deny that that was your question?

[23] That was my question.

[24] Is that a canine?

[25] That is a canine?

[26] I think it's a Great Dane, and it's very regal, right?

[27] It's like an oil, well, it's a print of an oil painting.

[28] I imagine some lord.

[29] Much more regal than I am.

[30] Yeah, like a lord of a manner commissioned this for his dog that he was in love with, right?

[31] Yeah, a lord that loved Romanesque architecture, because there's also a column.

[32] Columns?

[33] We don't like columns, do we?

[34] I don't know, do we?

[35] I don't like them.

[36] Have we established this?

[37] Well, have you ever read The Fountainhead?

[38] Howard Rourke hated columns.

[39] So then I hated them because Howard Warc knew everything about architecture and I know nothing.

[40] Well, I wish I could say they yes, of course, Dax.

[41] I've read the Fountainhead.

[42] And I hate columns too because they stand for Patriarchals, I don't know.

[43] Can I admit something very embarrassing to you about why I read the Fountainhead?

[44] Yes, please.

[45] This is so revealing.

[46] Ooh, can I guess?

[47] Can I guess?

[48] Yeah, yes.

[49] You had a crush on a girl.

[50] Very close.

[51] You had a crush on a guy.

[52] Uh -huh.

[53] A very famous guy.

[54] Uh -huh.

[55] Who in an interview.

[56] Yep, Paul Ryan.

[57] That's Paul Ryan's favorite book.

[58] Brad Pitt, who was obsessed with since a young age, in an interview.

[59] you said his very favorite book was The Fountainhead and I thought I need to read this book ASAP and I can't really evaluate how much that impacted my reading of it but I will say it is one of my favorite books as well what was it about like what was your first like Brad Pitt Crush experience um I think but I could be wrong yeah yeah you'll get it um okay so it wasn't Thelman Louise no that's that's where women discovered him right right right uh it's got to be um oh fuck What is it fucking called?

[60] Oh, I'm going to be so mad at myself.

[61] Of the.

[62] Yeah.

[63] You want his character's name in it?

[64] Yeah.

[65] Tristan.

[66] Oh, the punching movie.

[67] Legends of the Fall.

[68] Oh, Legends of the Fall.

[69] You're thinking Fight Club.

[70] I was actually thinking of true romance.

[71] Oh, yes.

[72] Very tiny role in true romance.

[73] But a funny stoner handsome guy.

[74] Really good, really good.

[75] He went against type on that one, but later revealed.

[76] in type, but regardless, at that time against type.

[77] Thank you for my Red Bull, by the way.

[78] Yeah, so I have in my fridge an assortment of beverages and sugar -free red bull is one of them, which I'm not allowed to drink.

[79] I drink it on vacation.

[80] Disgusting and delicious all the same time.

[81] It's like drinking a 9 -volt battery.

[82] It's just chemicals and it's a great way to put it.

[83] You're so right.

[84] It's like if you were to chew into a battery.

[85] And my wife's very disappointed when I drink these.

[86] so this is my little clubhouse so I keep them here and I will only drink one if a guest does and so thus far I've not been able to have one and you now allowed me you gave me permission to have one with you good for you thank you god but I want her like me she'll she still likes you regardless am I can I text you tonight at 1 a .m. when I'm regretting this decision yes please okay great do you have trouble sleeping yes you do I wonder why I wonder why do you take stuff how do you get to sleep sometimes oh that's an interesting question do you ask that because you have trouble sleeping i have a terrible time sleeping yeah i'd say it's my number one complaint about my biology yeah i and do you think that that because it seems to be such a common thread in people in our industry and is it because like your brain sort of feels like it's on a hamster wheel because you're constantly worried about being out of a job or or like the the sense of creation or like i don't know what the fuck yeah for me it's not is like i don't want to belittle that by saying lofty but for me this is a chicken or an egg thing i think i'm doing the thing i do because i was already cuckoo that way and my brain was way too active and i needed some kind of really excessive output for it yeah i think i think you're right in that there is a trend in the 20 years that i've lived here that i feel like i've noticed you know, where people, creative people, hustlers, they have a different, a little bit of a different wiring maybe.

[87] Yeah, there's circadian rhythm.

[88] Is that what we call it?

[89] It's fucked up.

[90] But part of it is just - That sounds so gross.

[91] Like if I were listening to myself right now, I would be like, fuck you, bitch.

[92] About what?

[93] Us being actors and having a hard time sleeping?

[94] People who are like super creative and can't sleep movies.

[95] Artists.

[96] My favorite is when actors call themselves artists.

[97] and a lot of them are, certainly.

[98] But I, my thing is I, the lifestyle itself is not conducive to sleeping, right?

[99] So you have weird hours and they're never the same, right?

[100] So you're on a TV show and I have to assume sometimes you're working 14 hours and sometimes you're working three hours and you never really get a great predictable schedule.

[101] And then it changes every nine weeks, right?

[102] Yeah, well, yeah.

[103] And also I think there's, um, Um, when I have, and we have the most amazing writers on mom, but the reason I started a podcast was also for an independent creative expression.

[104] Yeah.

[105] Um, and so I think that that also, like, I love interpreting and trying to like solve the puzzle of other people's words and trying to do a face and a voice or whatever.

[106] Whatever the fuck I'm supposed to be doing.

[107] I probably do not do that well, but.

[108] They would have fired you a while ago, but.

[109] the way if you weren't doing well.

[110] Well, no, it's my cheeriness.

[111] I'm very cheerful.

[112] That's my strategy.

[113] You think so?

[114] Oh, yeah.

[115] You think just your, your backdoor politics is what's kept you employed.

[116] That's cleavage.

[117] I don't think that's it.

[118] But it is still.

[119] I'm like willing to do the job that, you know, the other actors won't.

[120] I think that if like the writers are like, oh, okay, let's have Allison, like have a massive fit of diarrhea.

[121] And Allison's like, I don't know if I want to do that.

[122] I don't know if my character would have diarrhea.

[123] Let's give it to Anna.

[124] And I'll be like, okay, I guess this is what I got to do.

[125] Haven't you felt that way to sometimes, especially being in the world of comedy?

[126] Well, yeah, a lot of things contribute to that.

[127] One was I was so hungry to get a job, right?

[128] So many, many years of auditioning, nothing.

[129] And then punk comes along and they're like, you know, will you be naked in a store with Cheska album?

[130] Like, absolutely.

[131] I'll be naked, you know, servicing other naked people.

[132] Whatever is required of me, I will do it.

[133] and it gets tricky because that'll bring you to the party but then you kind of got a of all which is hard to evaluate right because that's what got the door open for you is like a willingness to jump through play glass I think after I got the first scary movie I found out that like 80 like name actresses passed on the lead they didn't want to be sprayed to the ceiling with sperm wait I know I think that's there's a chance and an actor prepares where Stan Zolovsky goes into great detail about how one can mimic being sprayed to a ceiling with semen.

[134] You're from Washington.

[135] Yeah.

[136] There's a lot of good folks from Washington.

[137] I've had some of them on, well, I dated a girl for nine years.

[138] I think I've told you this.

[139] That was from Everett or Marysville.

[140] Yep, which is very close to Edmonds.

[141] You're north, right?

[142] You're probably right in between.

[143] Right in between.

[144] Uh -huh.

[145] See their little pocket there that everyone loves, Bellevue.

[146] Right?

[147] Bellevue people live in Bellevue.

[148] Okay, but fuck, but we don't want to talk about Bellevue.

[149] We want to talk about it?

[150] It's not a your place.

[151] That's cool.

[152] Oh, is it?

[153] Yeah, that's where Bill Gates lives, right?

[154] Yeah, yeah.

[155] I saw him once there at a Wendy's drive -thru in his Porsche.

[156] And I had heard that they catered their wedding with Wendy's.

[157] And I thought that's preposterous.

[158] That has to be a fake story.

[159] But then I saw him at the drive -thru in Bellevue at Wendy's in his Porsche.

[160] And I was like, this story has legs.

[161] I'm confused about the, listen.

[162] Wendy's?

[163] Fuck yes.

[164] Yeah, bring it.

[165] But Bill Gates driving a Porsche, doesn't I feel a little slick for my hometown Bill?

[166] I can see where you would say that.

[167] But I think as someone who's just very interested in machinery in the complexity of apparatus, I think that car in particular, the one he was driving.

[168] What's your dream car?

[169] Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off.

[170] No, please do.

[171] This is like, this is what happens when you like fucking have another podcaster.

[172] No, it's glorious.

[173] Okay, wait.

[174] But yeah, wait, tell me, finish your sentence, and then I've got to ask you about your dream car.

[175] Red apples.

[176] All right, so that was the end of my conversation.

[177] Now, what was your question?

[178] What is your dream car?

[179] And do you have it?

[180] You probably have it.

[181] It changes.

[182] Monica and I were just talking about this today.

[183] She has a - Monica looks fascinated.

[184] Yeah, I love this conversation.

[185] Yes, look at her.

[186] Monica's obsessed with going to the grove.

[187] She lives very close to the grove.

[188] The grove is a huge outdoor mall.

[189] She can't get there often enough.

[190] I enjoy it.

[191] What do you like about it?

[192] You know, when I, when I was visiting L .A. before I moved here, I went to the grove and I was like, this is.

[193] Where did you move from?

[194] Georgia.

[195] Okay.

[196] Okay.

[197] All right.

[198] No groves there.

[199] No groves.

[200] They're starting up, though.

[201] I'll tell you that.

[202] That's true.

[203] Avalon.

[204] I've been there.

[205] So, yeah.

[206] Wow.

[207] I don't think the Avalon is hitting the high wall.

[208] mark that the grove is here.

[209] No, it's nice.

[210] It's like the grove.

[211] It's literally planned, I think, maybe based off of the grove.

[212] Okay.

[213] Anyway, so before I moved out here, I came out here and I went to the grove and I was like, oh, this place.

[214] I had this big dream and then it was, it was coinciding with the grove.

[215] It was like Disneyland.

[216] I had all these, you know, it was so sparkly to me. And then I moved here and I had no money and no job and no nothing.

[217] And then I would go to the grove and I would feel that.

[218] I would feel this like, the safety.

[219] Yeah, I would feel like, oh, this is a special.

[220] This is a special place and I'm lucky to live here.

[221] And now I live steps away from that growth.

[222] And it still does the same thing.

[223] And she's gamefully employed.

[224] So she often goes there and picks things up that she may or may not need.

[225] Now I can buy shit from the grove.

[226] But wait, wait, wait.

[227] Because that was always the thing.

[228] It was like people go to the grove for their safety.

[229] It's like this weird outdoor park, but does anybody actually buy anything?

[230] I do.

[231] Monica does.

[232] What do you buy?

[233] Clothes, mainly clothes.

[234] Bath mats, candles.

[235] I bought a few bath mats.

[236] Okay, that seems reasonable.

[237] Where do you, like, truly, I don't know.

[238] Nordstrom.

[239] Okay.

[240] Barneys.

[241] This is going to get embarrassing for me a little bit.

[242] Yeah, you're right about the Barneys.

[243] Yep.

[244] Barney's Nordstrom made well.

[245] Have you ever ridden the trolley there?

[246] No. Okay.

[247] No, no, no. I draw the line at the trolley.

[248] That's a novice move.

[249] Do you think we could pitch to the people that run the Grove, like a mayorial competition?

[250] Like, Dax and I could run for mayor of the Grove.

[251] The Grove competing against each other because it is such like you just imagine like a jolly man with a tiny top hats.

[252] Like I don't know.

[253] You mean a character from Monopoly?

[254] Is that what you're picturing?

[255] I feel like that's what you're picturing.

[256] The guy that says Pasco, don't pass go.

[257] But wouldn't it be fun to do like, we're going to run for mayor of the grove?

[258] If I could.

[259] Fuck you, Dax.

[260] I'm going to fucking win this shit.

[261] Well, first of all, unlike Monica, I can't stand the Grove.

[262] It's all my nightmares come true.

[263] It's a ton of crowds.

[264] It's a ton of stores that make me really drowsy.

[265] Like, shopping makes me so drowsy.

[266] I can't stand it.

[267] Because of the lighting?

[268] No, because of the like notion that, oh, I need clothing.

[269] but I don't know what clothing, so I'm going to look at all the fucking clothing and hope that some of it pops out to me. It exhausts you.

[270] It's so exhausting.

[271] And I thank the stores that put couches in it for husbands where we can hang out and look at our phone and whatnot.

[272] But yeah, so I would probably concede the mayoral campaign to you.

[273] But think of all the power, the trolley power.

[274] Well, that would be great.

[275] You don't have to go shopping.

[276] You got to deal with like the greetings in the like, Ding, da, ding, ding, ding.

[277] Like, it's going to be awesome to be the mayor of the grove.

[278] Yeah.

[279] Again, if you could rule with an iron fist, like a Russian czar, that would be...

[280] Puppies everywhere.

[281] If I had a gulag that I could...

[282] They have puppies everywhere at the grove already, because they do a lot of adoptions there.

[283] Okay, Monica.

[284] I am the movie star, TV star here, okay?

[285] It may have only been a scary movie.

[286] One, two, three, and four.

[287] Did you do four?

[288] I did four.

[289] do you if we ever become like very very good friends i'm talking like we do two two decades of great friendship and you and i are on a porch in the south we're retired and i say to you what'd you make on the fourth one will you at that time tell me well oh fuck yeah oh great great great great great that to me's worth putting in the 20 years not enough mm -hmm not enough yeah because of course from the outside my assumption is you made a hundred a billion dollars for number four I think that was the thing that, of course, it's a fucking shit ton of money because anything you make in this town is essentially a fucking shit ton of money.

[290] But then, you know, between taxes and like all the representatives, whatever.

[291] It does feel like, oh, I should probably put this in the bank because I may never work again.

[292] Like, I guess maybe athletes feel that way.

[293] I have no idea.

[294] But it did also feel like there was definitely, it was definitely impressed upon.

[295] me that I was replaceable.

[296] Oh, really?

[297] Yes.

[298] Which is fucking bullshit, by the way.

[299] There's no way that you were replaceable in that.

[300] Well, no one can get sprayed to the ceiling like on affairs.

[301] Can you let me represent you in future negotiations?

[302] Oh, please.

[303] I'm going to comment.

[304] I'm going to read Trump's book, The Art of the Deal.

[305] That'll be what I do to prepare.

[306] Okay.

[307] But certainly I would not accept the explanation that you're replaceable.

[308] I think that would be ridiculous.

[309] Oh, but this would bring up, this is a great opportunity to talk about something that is very topical and I think worth talking about, which is the pay disparity between men and women.

[310] Okay, first of all, there's a huge pay disparity, not arguing that.

[311] Secondly, it's completely unfair, okay?

[312] Now, third, and this is where I'm going to get provocative, the way that roles in movies are negotiated, it's a very male testosterone -driven negotiation because ultimately you have to, to, get paid what you want to get paid you have to walk away at a certain point you have to quit you have to say i'm cool i don't need scary movie for and i think it's more in males nature to be confrontational and bullheaded about that and do that than it is women i think they're more prone to compromise which is their gift and it's a shame it's not rewarded but it is part of this issue do you would you agree or disagree with that i think the angle is a little bit different i think that most female characters are written sort of with, you know, a bit of interchangeability about the...

[313] Oh, sure.

[314] So the studio is like, okay, well, if we're, you know, we don't want to pay that much.

[315] We only have this much budgeted for the role and we can get so -and -so.

[316] So because usually, you know, there's like four male characters to every one female, if even that's accurate, I don't know.

[317] But so there's that hunger.

[318] Those are great elements to bring up Because you're right.

[319] A, there's less roles of importance, even on the table.

[320] And they are kind of interchangeable.

[321] Like, there's some roles where you're like, oh, my God, we have to get Dax Shepard.

[322] We have to get Seth Rogen.

[323] We have to get, like, somebody who, you know, fills this perfectly.

[324] With a lot of female characters as they're written, it does feel like, okay, I am the bounce card.

[325] But, but I will be agreeable.

[326] And I'll be like, oh, wow, that guy's fucked up, but I don't know why.

[327] Yeah.

[328] That is definitely true of a lot of young attractive actresses that'll be in a drama where they're the guy's wife.

[329] I totally agree.

[330] Ana Farris is a very, very, very unique performer.

[331] You're one of the funniest women to ever be in movies and you are very much not replaceable.

[332] Thanks.

[333] That's just, no, that's not me fluffing your pillows.

[334] That's a fact.

[335] You have one of the most unique, specific comedic.

[336] tones, and you're pretty on top of it.

[337] And so you're not replaceable.

[338] Thanks.

[339] And your wife is fucking stunning and brilliant.

[340] She's not replaceable either.

[341] I've been cast in movies where it does feel like, okay, this is the comedian, the male leads project and role, because that's usually how most comedies get made.

[342] It's a vehicle that's been created.

[343] and so then there's there's an underwritten female role and that was written by a man and so sometimes I've been hired in the past where I felt like the expectation was that I could singularly could elevate it potentially but also and also honor the man and like crush on a fucked up dude that you know no reasonable woman would ever crush on and because comedy wasn't always in my nature, I never felt very comfortable negotiating those waters.

[344] So that's why I started to call it like, oh, I'm the bounce card.

[345] Like, all right, I'll like look at this guy with adoring eyes and maybe then the audience will.

[346] Right.

[347] Do you know what I'm saying?

[348] I do know what you're saying.

[349] But I also think, I don't think you were very good at evaluating your actual worth tooth project.

[350] Because you do something, The first thing I think I saw you in was, was it just friends, just, you're saying it right?

[351] Yes.

[352] There was just married.

[353] That was one of my most favorite experiences because I got to be insane.

[354] And I can't remember even how I ended up at that premiere or something.

[355] But at any rate, I was like, holy smokes, this woman is a comedy.

[356] Are you not going to swear on this?

[357] Yeah.

[358] Oh, I'll say fucking stuff coming up.

[359] Yeah.

[360] I'm trying to pace myself because by the end it'll be motherfucker this, motherfucker that.

[361] So I'm just trying to ease into it.

[362] Holy smokes was like, so P .G. He was like, are we at camp?

[363] This is fun.

[364] I wonder why I did.

[365] Gee whiz, Dax?

[366] You say that a lot.

[367] Give me another compliment.

[368] Yeah, it's just something you say a lot.

[369] Oh, okay.

[370] Because I was trying to think of.

[371] You weren't trying to censor.

[372] Oh, okay.

[373] Well, I was just wondering if I was trying to like soft pedal because I was talking about how good she was.

[374] Oh, thanks.

[375] If I said fuck or shit, it would seem, I don't know.

[376] That was, that was, that was, anytime I've been able to play an extreme character.

[377] And I'm sure you might.

[378] must feel the same way.

[379] There's so much delight and reward.

[380] Well, what I was going to say that you did with that role is Bert Reynolds famously, you know, even though he was wildly successful, he did at his height have a little bit of a chip on his shoulder because, and I own a Playboy magazine that he was on the cover of and I have the interview and I've read it several times.

[381] But in that interview, he's kind of complaining or lamenting that he's done movies like Smoking the Bannett, which was like the second biggest movie of that year.

[382] they had a 30 -page outline and he went away and he made this movie that was the second biggest movie of the year and yet Dustin Hoffman would do this movie Midnight Cowboy and he gets nominated but he had a great material and a great director and all these things in Bert always kind of felt underappreciated that he was basically in things that should have never worked he was in a fucking movie called Gator where he's driving around a fan boat like that movie should not work but because of Bert Reynolds' appeal it works and I think you've been in a ton of roles where, as you say, there's nothing there for you to do on the page per se, but you've turned it into something incredible.

[383] And I don't think scary movies, if they don't cast you, I don't, because that thing is not written by Lawrence Caston.

[384] And it's not directed by fucking, you name it.

[385] So it's all on you.

[386] Like that movie lives or dies on whether you're good or bad.

[387] And so I think you're such a huge part of the success of it that is preposterous that you would have been replaceable.

[388] In fact, I wish they tried to fucking replace you.

[389] and then did it.

[390] Well, they did.

[391] Oh, they did.

[392] Oh, okay.

[393] But that was just because you didn't want to do it.

[394] No. Oh.

[395] And how did Scary Movie Five do?

[396] I was too old.

[397] You were too old.

[398] Yeah, you're very old.

[399] I'm glad they made that decision.

[400] How did Scarlet Movie Five do?

[401] Listen, I'll find out and it's not going to be good.

[402] Okay.

[403] I'm sure you don't want to publicly celebrate that it's tank, but I'll publicly celebrate that it tank.

[404] Stay tuned for more armchair expert.

[405] If you dare.

[406] We've all been there.

[407] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[408] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[409] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated or the time when an entire town started jumping from buildings and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[410] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[411] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[412] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[413] Follow Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[414] Prime members can listen early and add free on Amazon Music.

[415] What's up, guys?

[416] This is your girl Kiki and my podcast.

[417] is back with a new season, and let me tell you, it's too good.

[418] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[419] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[420] And I don't mean just friends.

[421] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox.

[422] The list goes on.

[423] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[424] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[425] Going back to the idea of sort of the value of a woman or like a value of a talent or something.

[426] And those are oddly, as you know, And comedy, comedy is so difficult.

[427] And doing spoof is incredibly difficult because you, it relies on your sincerity, which also relies on the idea that, like, you have to, as an actor, be completely okay with the idea that the audience is going to think that you are as dumb as you're playing.

[428] Right.

[429] If there's no, like, no winking, there's no, like, you can't.

[430] Yeah.

[431] And that, and that, you know, I was somebody.

[432] who has a little bit of pride every now and again.

[433] Yeah.

[434] Not much, but every now and again.

[435] Also, your parents are super duper smart.

[436] Yes.

[437] So it's a thing that's valued in your household.

[438] Yeah.

[439] Yeah.

[440] So, and then you're going to go play something that's opposite of everything that was championed at home.

[441] And playing something one dimensional is really hard.

[442] It's easier to play somebody who, where there's like more clues to who they are.

[443] And women are also saddled with a lot of exposition.

[444] Yeah.

[445] moving the story along like Michael if you fight for a third time on December 7th but you don't understand if you don't push the button before the thing runs out then the thing is going to go and we're all going to be fucked no well we don't even get to say that part then then they say something then Vin Diesel says we're going to be fucked not that I've ever got that although I have been doing pushups I don't want to get way off track but I just I happen to check out Fast and Furious, maybe seven or eight.

[446] And there was a line in the movie that Vin Diesel said.

[447] He said, they go like, what are you going to do if you catch him, Vin?

[448] I don't even know what his name is in the movie, but, and he's like, they haven't even invented a word yet for what I'm going to do to him.

[449] And I was like, oh, my God, was a writer that lazy that they actually wrote, I can't think of a great thing to say.

[450] I mean, it's not even metaphorical.

[451] He goes, they haven't even invented a word for what I'm going to do to them yet.

[452] So when you started acting as a kid, and did you want to be a dramatic actor, a serious actor?

[453] Was that the trajectory?

[454] Did you want to do comedy?

[455] I like how you put this in quotations.

[456] And also, can I tell you, Dax, this is really fun for me to get to be interviewed by another podcaster.

[457] Oh, good.

[458] Well, I did your show and I had so much fun.

[459] I know you were amazing.

[460] You're so fucking hysterical.

[461] It was really great.

[462] And it was part of the reason I wanted to do this.

[463] I was like, those are so fun.

[464] She's doing it at her house.

[465] This seems doable.

[466] Can I be obnoxious?

[467] Yeah.

[468] You've always been a very handsome man. But you are, you're like one of those guys that gets more handsome as they age.

[469] Oh, you think so?

[470] That's good news.

[471] This is not just the Red Bull talking.

[472] We're pretty shit -faced right now in Red Bull.

[473] Well, we told this story on your podcast.

[474] So let's just get it out there right now because I think it's relevant.

[475] Yeah.

[476] So I saw just friends.

[477] And I was like, you are so talented.

[478] And then you and I sat next together at a premiere.

[479] And I was single and you were single.

[480] Oh, I don't even know if you were single.

[481] But I remember what I thought was giving you some pretty good action.

[482] You know, I was, there was some open -ended questions.

[483] I was like, I would definitely like to take this person on a date.

[484] And then I, from my point of view, that door was bolted.

[485] It was a dead bolt shut door.

[486] Because I think my...

[487] Were you married or something?

[488] I think my first husband may have been sitting to the right of me. Oh, okay.

[489] That would explain a lot.

[490] Well, then let me applaud how you behave publicly.

[491] Well, even in front of Kristen, if someone's giving me rhythm, I will like entertain it for five minutes.

[492] Oh, yeah.

[493] No, I totally remember that.

[494] I felt like we were sharing popcorn and laughing.

[495] And then I just like got a bunch of grief later.

[496] Oh, okay.

[497] Okay, okay.

[498] That's my hazy memory of it.

[499] Okay.

[500] That must have been, what, 2005?

[501] I don't know.

[502] So you were married at that time?

[503] Yes.

[504] I like to, you know.

[505] You don't like to think about it or you don't like to talk about it.

[506] No, no. It was a young, it was a youthful, you know.

[507] Well, the whole thing, people need to put that into context.

[508] So you did scary movie when you were 22.

[509] Yeah.

[510] That's insane.

[511] So I can't imagine being the lead of a movie at 22.

[512] You live in L .A. Now you have money in the, the whole thing is, for anyone to navigate that.

[513] Not much funny.

[514] I did live above Aeroon right next to the grove before the grove was built.

[515] You predate the grove?

[516] Oh my God.

[517] Honda Accord, 1994, Pearl Jam CD stuck in the CD player.

[518] Of a Honda Civic?

[519] Yeah, Honda Accord.

[520] I'll have you know.

[521] That's a mid -level.

[522] Maybe you guys could make a side appointment so you could ask her to describe when they were constructing the growth because you must have seen them break ground the full history I didn't know what it meant though right I didn't know you didn't know I didn't know what it could tripped on the arc of the covenant it's like pilot season I don't know get these fucking trucks out of here but you're 22 and so that's that that that's a lot for a 20 or at least it would have been for me my my parents are still married and they have this amazing marriage and I think my brother and I've talked about this a little bit your brother's a sociologist yeah and he's a professor yeah UC Irvine UC Davis.

[523] UC Davis.

[524] and, but we've talked about like the, the idea of the, like, because you would think that having successfully married parents would, like, increase your odds for sure.

[525] But what we've, how we've justified it, the whole thing, is that we're trying to make something work when we weren't sort of picking up the clues.

[526] Like, for me, It was sort of like checking it off the list.

[527] If I get this part solved, then I, like, I'll, like, do career and everything.

[528] I'll have this base at home.

[529] Yeah.

[530] And also, I think I was very intimidated by dating in L .A. and not feeling like I fit here with, like, glamorous people.

[531] And sort of, I felt like the stoner dudes that I knew back home were just easier.

[532] Uh -huh.

[533] Less pressure.

[534] Like, flashier guys here.

[535] I was, I'm like, I'm, I don't know, I'm like, I, I just, so this person made you feel safe.

[536] Yes, but also that truly just getting it settled.

[537] Uh -huh.

[538] Made me feel like, okay, I can now.

[539] Like it was a loose end that needed tying up.

[540] Yes.

[541] And, and I, and I worked really hard.

[542] Is that because do you think you're super goal oriented?

[543] Are you kind of secretly type A?

[544] Oh, fuck, you're probably fucking right.

[545] Yeah, I think I am.

[546] I don't know.

[547] Yeah, so you were like, and then were you like a good girl, Did you get good grades and your parents were proud of you at all times and overachiever type?

[548] Oh, no. No. You were a disappointment?

[549] I was a bad girl.

[550] You loved to Jesus and horses.

[551] No, it was sort of mixed.

[552] You know, I lied a lot to my parents.

[553] I wanted to experience, I just wanted to experience a bigger world like all of us do.

[554] Right.

[555] When we're in high school, like, isn't there more than this?

[556] But just really quick, that to me is a clue.

[557] So if you felt compelled to lie to them in order to cover up these things that you would think were undesirable in their eyes, that to me kind of says you were conscious of the fact that I'm supposed to be a good girl.

[558] I'm supposed to be an overachiever.

[559] You're completely right.

[560] Yes.

[561] I don't like, my mom was very much like, you're going to fuck up.

[562] You're going to get arrested.

[563] Just don't get someone pregnant.

[564] So the bar, like I felt very encouraged.

[565] Oh, I loved.

[566] it.

[567] I hope to raise my kids the same way.

[568] She was like, life's fucking messy.

[569] It's going to get messy for you.

[570] And I'm going to be the person that's never going to scold you for it.

[571] And I'll come pick you up.

[572] You know, I'm very grateful for that.

[573] If I had to have perpetuated some image of myself that I really wasn't, that would have been hard for me. Yeah.

[574] And then ultimately, I think it leads to whatever level of honesty you have as a person when you leave home.

[575] Because if you're in an environment where you're basically forced to lie, then you developed that skill set and it's that's how you navigate the world but if you grew up like i did like where honesty is not um uh you know shamed or or or or or scolded then you're not afraid to be honest what's that like you're looking at it i love i love you mommy and daddy but did that make you more monogamous than some of your peers no absolutely not i but you were in a series of long -term relationships i'm a serial monogamous but i had a girlfriend for nine years before uh christi and I, which have been together for almost 11 years.

[576] The nine -year relationship was an open relationship.

[577] What is that like?

[578] Here's what it's like.

[579] We met cheating on our boyfriend and girlfriend.

[580] We loved each other.

[581] I said, I'm 21.

[582] Is this like a party?

[583] Sorry, I just need to get good visual here.

[584] It was a party.

[585] So it was a party in Hollywood.

[586] I was with my friend Nate Tuck.

[587] We meet these two girls, Julie and Bree.

[588] They're amazing.

[589] They're both from Everett.

[590] Fuck, yeah.

[591] Bree's hyper -intelligent right away.

[592] Washington girls are fucking rad.

[593] the rat.

[594] And I would say it was one of a couple times that I felt like it was love at first sight.

[595] And I had a long -term girlfriend back in Michigan, which we had already kind of talked about, well, this is hard.

[596] I live here.

[597] You live here.

[598] We're not, we're going to like be realistic about this.

[599] And I think that was maybe the training ground for me to get comfortable with all that.

[600] And so we met.

[601] She had a boyfriend.

[602] I had a girlfriend.

[603] We started dating.

[604] Her boyfriend lived in another state.

[605] Wait, I want to know that night, though, was she like sitting in your lap?

[606] Touching the back of your neck.

[607] Like, what's happening?

[608] Truth but told, that was the first night I ever did Crystal Math.

[609] So I was on Crystal Math.

[610] So it was heightened.

[611] I'm sure everything was heightened.

[612] This person was like fell out of the fucking sky, in my opinion.

[613] And yes, we talked for hours.

[614] We danced.

[615] It was in a little Hollywood house, like a little bungalow around Janice.

[616] And you're 21?

[617] I'm 21.

[618] And I live in L .A. And I have no money and I'm not succeeding.

[619] And I'm lonely.

[620] And this is wonderful.

[621] This is like the best thing that could happen to me. It's like, yeah.

[622] And so quickly into us, dating and I said, let's just be realistic about this.

[623] We met cheating on our boyfriends and girlfriends.

[624] I love you.

[625] We're 21 and 20.

[626] I don't think we're making it to 50 with us.

[627] Neither of us cheating on one another.

[628] So I personally would like to not set that as an expectation of this relationship.

[629] I'm not, I'm telling you, you don't know that to me. I don't want to see about it.

[630] I don't want to know about it.

[631] you don't owe that to me. So you don't have to, that doesn't have to be something you fight forever.

[632] Because I want to ultimately be with you in long term.

[633] I'm imagining this conversation happening at 6 .46 a .m. At that Hollywood house, the birds are chirping.

[634] You've been there.

[635] You have to have been there.

[636] No. Maybe not on Crystal Mass. I'm, I'm just.

[637] Well, mind you, this conversation didn't happen that night.

[638] It happened as we started dating.

[639] Okay.

[640] But suffice I said, there were many 6 a .m. mornings that we were going to sleep because we both love drinking.

[641] And then that, I won't tell her side of it, but she was resistant to it at first.

[642] And then somehow she came around to it and then we had that arrangement.

[643] So, no, I was not monogamous to answer your question.

[644] And nor was I in high school, shamefully.

[645] But how does that work though?

[646] Like, I mean, not, like, you don't have to give me logistics.

[647] I can give you all the logistics.

[648] But like emotionally, wasn't it way more complicated?

[649] Yeah.

[650] So we slept together.

[651] We lived.

[652] We live.

[653] together.

[654] We came home together every single night.

[655] No one ever went out on a date.

[656] We lived together.

[657] We were in love.

[658] We slept in the same bed every night.

[659] When she went back to Washington, I don't know what happened, nor do I care.

[660] She hung out with friends from high school.

[661] And things may or may not have happened.

[662] I would go back to Michigan.

[663] I traveled for work.

[664] You know, things happened.

[665] And we both decided that hearing about the experience would never be joyful for us.

[666] It's not like I would ever enjoy hearing what happened with her and some dude.

[667] So I was like, I just don't ever need to know about it.

[668] If I die, never knowing, I'll be fine.

[669] But I can tell you how it evolved.

[670] It evolved in this way.

[671] And I had to admit that it was a very convenient policy for a dude.

[672] At a certain point, she goes, look, this thing that's been going on for years, you're getting what you want.

[673] A guy wants to sleep with a girl.

[674] I want to go out to dinner with someone who wants to hear about the book I'm reading is super interested in me and has never met me. Like, that's what I longed for.

[675] That's the thing that I miss about being single.

[676] And I said, so basically you're saying you would like to go on dates.

[677] And she goes, that would be fair.

[678] That would be you getting what you want and me getting what I want.

[679] And I said, that's a pretty sound argument.

[680] Okay.

[681] And then when I was out of town, I assumed she went out to dinner with people and told them about what books she was reading.

[682] But I never at any moment during any of this thought.

[683] That is not a Washington girl, dad.

[684] I never at any point thought This girl doesn't love me Isn't super in love with me And whatever thing happened I never felt like that Had impacted anything between us The reasons we broke up Weren't related to that So did you guys like stipulate Any kind of like safety Like Yeah I'll wear a fond of Yeah I don't know Yes The stipulate The understanding was yes If you do something You should be wearing a condom And so But do you think that this is a workable relationship for people?

[685] This is what I think.

[686] It worked for us for nine years.

[687] That was a lot longer than most of my friends who had girlfriends at that time that they liked had in their 20s.

[688] To go through your whole 20s with someone was, to me, semi -successful.

[689] A lot of people cheated on people, and then they had lies, and then they had lies on lies, and I didn't envy that.

[690] So in that way it worked, but I'll tell you in the way that I learned that it can be very destructive, at least in our case it was.

[691] I think the sexual relationship between two people in a relationship is the hardest thing in the world to maintain.

[692] It requires the most amount of vulnerability.

[693] Your biggest deepest fears are that you're not enough for somebody or you're not sexy enough for something.

[694] So knowing that it requires so much vulnerability and work and it's so hard that when I had an option to do it with someone else and not do that work, I didn't do that work.

[695] So if I say it definitely took an impact.

[696] It took a toll on our sexual relationship.

[697] Because we both were fulfilled in that way from other people.

[698] Right, right.

[699] And so that was very destructive.

[700] I don't know how one would navigate that aspect of it.

[701] Maybe at my age I could try to do both.

[702] I don't know.

[703] Well, side note, I can't do that any of that anyways because I'm a fucking addict and if I'm going to do it once I'm going to do it a thousand times.

[704] But that's a separate issue.

[705] But this is about you.

[706] So tell me, though, because you were married and did you feel a huge sense of shame about having to get divorced because you're parents had made it work?

[707] And is your brother divorce?

[708] Is that why you guys were having that conversation?

[709] And I think, I think, I mean, it's, there's, there's a lot of layers.

[710] The first thing that just popped into my head was kind of the idea of embarrassment of hopefulness, of optimism.

[711] And sort of the public declaration of like, I know what I'm doing.

[712] Yes, I know I'm young, but I got this.

[713] Yeah.

[714] And then sort of.

[715] old soul, trust me. But, you know, I think what you realize in time is that people, for the most part, are so, they're wrapped up in their own shit.

[716] They're also more understanding than you think.

[717] Was that something that hit like tabloids and stuff?

[718] Not too much, not too much.

[719] Because you weren't ultra famous then?

[720] Uh -uh.

[721] And, no. So that aspect wasn't terribly.

[722] No, and I think, you know, I think the people that loved me were, you know, we're probably saw, you know, you know how there's that thing.

[723] happens when like a major change in your life happens and suddenly people are saying like oh my gosh you seem so happy when you didn't realize before that you hadn't been projecting that uh -huh yeah um that so that was happening and that's it was always of comfort it was like oh i wasn't doing i mean i didn't think i was all that happy but i wasn't doing a good job covering up i thought that i was but was it hard for you to call your parents and say i'm gonna we're gonna end this it wasn't You know, it was hard.

[724] The first time was, it was hard to call my parents and tell them I got engaged.

[725] Oh, uh -huh.

[726] Yeah.

[727] That was hard.

[728] Because you were what, 20, how old were you?

[729] I was at 23, 4, 25.

[730] Yeah, maybe 25.

[731] I remember thinking like, why am I having a hard time calling my parents?

[732] Yeah.

[733] Like, why.

[734] That should be a red flag probably, right?

[735] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[736] And I remember that very specifically.

[737] Like, did you have that moment when you were walking down the aisle where you thought, ooh, I don't know.

[738] Or were you 100 % on that day at least?

[739] I don't, I've never romanticized marriage, even though I just have my parents, like, have this beautiful marriage.

[740] I was never planning your wedding day or any of that shit.

[741] No, no. And it confused me when my friends would talk about that or think about that.

[742] And so I, uh, the first time I got married in a bikini in Tahiti, you know, covered in salt and like, And it was a great day.

[743] It was.

[744] So fucking out.

[745] We fed sharks, stingrays.

[746] Whatever.

[747] It was fucking rad.

[748] Yeah.

[749] But during the boughs, you didn't have any second thoughts or.

[750] Oh, oh.

[751] Oh, I think I did.

[752] But I think I was kind of, I think I'm pretty good at convincing myself that, because I am a romantic.

[753] I believe in a partnership.

[754] I believe in companionship.

[755] I just don't know if I believe.

[756] in the ceremony of a wedding necessarily as I just married my friends.

[757] Oh, you did?

[758] Yeah.

[759] You like performed the whole.

[760] Oh, Jesus.

[761] Did you have to learn scripture and stuff?

[762] No, I just was like, hey, fuck it.

[763] You guys like each other.

[764] Fuck yeah.

[765] Let's party.

[766] Do you think that's a little bit of a product?

[767] Because Kristen and I felt the same way.

[768] And that is because we already have an abundance of attention in our life.

[769] You know, like you're already kind of celebrated on the red carb.

[770] Exactly.

[771] The last thing you want on your free day is like, come stare at me. I didn't ever have that need for like this day is going to be about me. Yeah.

[772] Because I get a few of those days.

[773] Yeah.

[774] And then at work when it's not about me, I make sure that I make it about me. Sure, sure.

[775] But yes, I do think that that has something to do with it.

[776] That I think, I don't know, Monica, do you think, I feel like I'm starting to tread into dangerous territory in terms of stereotyping women.

[777] Oh, no. I do think that we like a lot of generalizations.

[778] I just feel free.

[779] are conditioned to feel the need for like a big Valentine's Day, a Mother's Day, you know, the wedding.

[780] And can I just say, I think they're a little patronizing because it's such a patriarchy, right?

[781] And you guys are so shit on historically that we're like throwing you these crumbs of these fucking day.

[782] I'm going to give you this great wedding.

[783] But then you're going to be my slight, you're going to be my indentured survey, raise my children while I go have fun at a career.

[784] Yeah, so I'm giving you these little scraps in that way I think.

[785] Yeah, as as women rightly become more valued in our society, probably the need for Valentine's Day will dissipate a little bit, right?

[786] I fucking hope so.

[787] But Valentine's Day is also based in the guy sends flowers or the guy, you know, surprises you.

[788] It's still all in the hands of the male, even though it's like it's sort of promoted as this like female intensive.

[789] Great point.

[790] Yes.

[791] But do you even look at the difference between Father's Day and Mother's Day?

[792] So in my experience and in my circle, typically on Mother's Day, the moms have lunch with their girls or their boys.

[793] And the whole family goes to a lunch or a dinner.

[794] And it's a day about mom with her kids and her father's day where I grew up is dad goes golfing for six hours.

[795] He gets to get to get the fuck away from everybody.

[796] And I just think, doesn't that sum everything up about the low expectations of dads?

[797] is like, Father's Day, yeah, I'll see you guys in eight.

[798] As though, like, as though the assumption, and this goes back to like a lot of like female guilt issues too, but as though the assumption is like that all we want to do is just have a peaceful day with our children.

[799] Eat some chocolate in a heart shape box.

[800] Oh, God.

[801] Take a Calgon bath.

[802] An ego waffle in bed.

[803] Yeah, right.

[804] That's like your, scramble eggs.

[805] Yeah, like the kids go.

[806] shell inside of it is your big present raw bacon burnt toast and shells and eggs yeah i don't know but you're completely right it's totally patronizing and and like the the the the posturing of the show because it's like i don't know your friends maybe ask you like what did he get you oh yeah the pressure or even this whole like even the even the thing that happens with women with the ring it's like show me the ring engaging right?

[807] Like, I've never had a dude.

[808] I've never worn a wedding ring.

[809] I've been married for years.

[810] No dudes ever asked me where my wedding ring even is.

[811] You know, yet if you're a female, your friends are like, what did he get you?

[812] Is it, you know, I mean, part of the problem is most guys have terrible fucking taste.

[813] But, but yeah, there's this whole thing like, here's the proof of how much he loves me. It's this many carrots.

[814] That whole thing is so busted.

[815] Yeah, I know so many women who've got, who like, have anticipated the engagement and then they've gotten their nails done.

[816] Because they know they're going to be showing off their hand for the next, however many months to every single person who they come into contact with.

[817] And the surprise thing.

[818] I have a whole side issue.

[819] Surprise.

[820] You're stuck with me for the rest of your fucking life.

[821] Yeah.

[822] Like, when did that ever give the conception of the surprise engagement?

[823] It's like, ah, okay.

[824] Well, yes.

[825] Now, so do you, do you think for you?

[826] No, that's so true and honest and real.

[827] And do you think that for you just now globally, you think marriage not for you or still for you?

[828] I need to figure out what the purpose is.

[829] Right.

[830] Like, is it safety for your children?

[831] Is it like convention?

[832] Is it so other people respect your relationship more?

[833] is it for you know for me i'm just not quite sure where it fits and especially when it feels so easy of course to get married yeah and then there's like the untangling like in terms of like the state being involved that that was always my issue i was very against marriage i was when i was with christian i was like i'll have a hundred kids with you and i will die with you but the idea of proving in the state of california i love you feels preposterous to me and then also having to be granted permission to separate from you someday if we decide to go our separate ways, that seems crazy to me. Yeah.

[834] But I did it because, you know, I knew for her it meant something, and that's fine.

[835] I can do that.

[836] And it does, because there is the importance of how other people then treat you as a married man, as opposed to a man with a girlfriend.

[837] Even if they got your girlfriend, you have several kids.

[838] I do think it is important how other people respect a relationship.

[839] Okay, great.

[840] So you're onto something really good, which to me, that's a terrible reason.

[841] The ultimate motivator is fear that my spouse will cheat on me with someone else doesn't seem like a healthy star.

[842] No, I totally agree with you.

[843] She's not even saying between the relationship, she's saying like that other people not coming on to.

[844] Well, that's what I'm saying.

[845] That seems to be motivated out of like let's shore this up.

[846] Let's put a mode around this.

[847] And then women will know you're married and men will know I. Yeah, I don't like it.

[848] No, I feel weird.

[849] I'm not saying it's a good reason.

[850] No, no, no, no. A small benefit of having that label of being married.

[851] Have you had infidelity issues when you were younger?

[852] Oh, yeah.

[853] I felt like I was such kind of an ugly duckling growing up.

[854] Like I was, I just wasn't all that cute.

[855] But so if we're really quick, can you explain that?

[856] Because for us, that's hard to imagine.

[857] That's very kind of.

[858] No, truly, Monica, do you not, you're not looking at her going.

[859] I can't imagine you as an ugly duckling.

[860] I can't imagine.

[861] But I do know people who are.

[862] are not cute and then grown up to be beautiful.

[863] Sure.

[864] And you know people that you think are cute, but they don't think they're cute.

[865] Like I have a low opinion of how I look, whether, you know, so whether that's right or wrong.

[866] I'm wondering, do you think you just had a low opinion of yourself or do you actually think you?

[867] No, no, I think if I showed just some pictures, you'd be like, all right, all right, yep, that was an awkward, that was an awkward beat there.

[868] You had a few.

[869] Did you fall downstairs just before this photo was taken?

[870] Is that a fish eye lens they're using?

[871] Were you boy crazy and you were?

[872] Oh, yes.

[873] Okay.

[874] Good.

[875] So if an attractive guy liked me, I was just dizzy.

[876] Same here.

[877] You know, just like.

[878] Which is not to say, because I got, I had girlfriends growing up and a lot of them are way out of my league.

[879] So I would get these girls that were way above my own opinion of myself.

[880] But yeah, the power they had over me. Like I remember getting a junior high and this eighth grade girl, Sasha liked me. And I just, I was fucking drunk.

[881] I was like plastered drunk with.

[882] joy for weeks over this.

[883] Oh, I would have, like, robbed a fucking frat house, top to bottom.

[884] When did this start happening, though, where boys were liking you and you were like, oh, yeah.

[885] Senior year of high school, sort of when it felt like I had my, you know, I got my first boyfriend and he was a good looking guy and I just couldn't, I just truly couldn't believe it.

[886] I was, and so I think it's, I was possess.

[887] and uh jealous yeah but also very proud i was still that was that was something my mom gave me was definitely like a sense of pride so i would you wouldn't expose that yeah i'm sure i'm sure i did but i attempted not to but it sort of informed everything in terms of acting for me because i've been acting for a while and at least i had the confidence from that avenue because you knew you were good at that from a young age and that was a source of self -esteem yeah yeah and i was working with adults that was really gratifying but and do you think of that in terms of being a mom like i always think god it's so important that you help your kid find a thing that can give them some self -esteem yeah i do and i and i want to make sure that jack our son is like i don't want to put him through like a ton of torturous activities right to find out yeah were you like involved in a bunch of different i was single mom three kids she worked her ass off to support us so i did play soccer for a minute, but, like, there was no one around to throw a ball with me or anything.

[888] So soccer I played for a little bit, but that was, I got into skateboarding, all the sports you could do by yourself, BMX riding, skateboarding, kind of alternative sports.

[889] So you were kind of a loner, like a lot of actors are, or at least a lot of people in Hollywood, right?

[890] Yeah.

[891] Well, I was also, as anyone who listens is so sick of me hearing saying this.

[892] But yeah, I was also going to like special ed classes.

[893] I couldn't read.

[894] I was dyslexic.

[895] There was, I had a lot of things that made me not stoked to be a kid, you know.

[896] I thought I was struggling a lot.

[897] Were you really angry as a kid?

[898] You know, I wouldn't have described myself that way for a long, long time.

[899] But it's funny because I have many memories of bullies, right?

[900] But then as I get more honest, I also have beat kids up.

[901] I shouldn't have.

[902] Like, I am certainly for some kids a bully and I had bullies.

[903] And I just lived in a house where I was powerless and I had older brother who kicked my ass and I got to school.

[904] And like, I finally wasn't powerless.

[905] And I probably was a terrible kid to some kids, which is.

[906] terrible but that's a fact that's a really frequent quality of bullies my brother's a specialty is bullying oh really yeah and sociology yeah so he's done a lot of research anyway but the need to feel powerful when you're feeling powerless and i have a question that i would just want to make sure gets asked you're probably going to ask it but i wanted to make sure um how big are you're oh no what's your brawet okay um pre -your post prove it prove it um okay no okay no since you grew up feeling unattractive physically and then you became famous and you're getting like a lot of attention probably a lot for being beautiful and having this like physical you know you were on list yeah you're on lists of prettiest people and shit like that yeah that's a new commodity is was that like a weird thing to reconcile I don't think that I have reconciled like I am I believe you by the way I don't think I don't think you know how hot you're at all.

[907] Thanks.

[908] Oh, God, thanks.

[909] That's nice.

[910] With those fucking lists, it's like, I'm, what, 73 on Maxim's, like, top 100 when you can, like, I'm sure that it was a struggle for them to come up with a hundred names.

[911] Oh, no. Rest of sure, I've never been on one of those lists, so it can be done.

[912] You can compile the list without everyone in Hollywood.

[913] I, um, it doesn't maybe answer your question fully, But I love it so much that as I get older, and I bet Kristen does as well, have so many female fans because it feels like, you know, we're hard on each other.

[914] And I value it so much the young women like some of the work that I've done or that feels like they can relate to me. And when I was in my 20s, I did feel resentful that I was in the comedy world a bit, which was an very arrogant place.

[915] to be in my mentality because I, because I should be always fucking grateful to be working in general.

[916] But at that time, I remember thinking, why can't I be somebody's muse or like, whatever?

[917] By the way, we're all victims of that.

[918] I mean, Brad Pitt probably wants to be in Pearl Jam.

[919] Like, there's nobody who doesn't aspire to be doing something.

[920] I think it's just a human condition.

[921] And I was curious about that because I assume, especially if you started out in an acting conservatory and you were taking it very seriously and then all of a sudden you find yourself on this comedic path.

[922] And then you were in some movies too that had a claim like you were in Lost in Translation, which you were great at.

[923] And were there moments where you were like frustrated that that wasn't going more in that direction.

[924] And now that you're older, you're going like, oh my God, dude, it's so awesome to be any of the things.

[925] Oh, yes.

[926] It did feel at times like tough, especially because I grew up doing like all this.

[927] serious theater and my mom's like you need to be Amelia Earhart and instead I'm like I'm Cindy Campbell getting sprayed to the ceiling oh it's for mom I'm sorry um you sit next to your dad at the premiere of that movie uh my mom your mom I was like please go to the bathroom right now go to the bathroom right now go to the bathroom right now uh but uh I think I so appreciate how difficult comedy is I feel so lucky what it's given me as a person in terms of how it's made me be able to laugh at myself.

[928] I think it's made me a little happier.

[929] And also, I think there's more, there's longevity in being a part of the world of comedy.

[930] But Monica, as far as like the sexiness question, there are times when I do feel sexy.

[931] But mostly that's, I think, I like to think that, this is me being obnoxious.

[932] I like to think that sensuality and sexuality are a little bit different.

[933] Like, I like to think that I'm a more, I don't know, a sensual person.

[934] What the fuck am I talking about God?

[935] A lot of guys are now masturbating in the audience, but that shouldn't alarm you.

[936] Oh, yeah.

[937] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[938] Is there a whole thing, people on the podcast have been talking about sometimes how masturbating for, like, guys.

[939] is more satisfying than sex that's very common isn't it not in my experience no other than the pressure of performing that certainly is that what it is because i wonder if young men have because they're so exposed to so much porn if the pressure oh and those guys are fucking like for an hour if they were right and the girl is howling yes you know it must like fuck up the the sense of what it's like to actually to have realism.

[940] Yeah.

[941] They're also have porn is like you can have exactly what you want down to like you can have a girl that's five foot with the hair down to her boobs with blue eyes and you can like get so precise and specific that you just describe me Monica to a tee.

[942] Like super sensual blue eyes.

[943] Really got to get straight to the same.

[944] No, but I do think, yeah, to your point, when you're young and your dude, this isn't true for all guys, but certainly it was for me and other guys I knew holding out for more than a few seconds.

[945] That is a challenge, right?

[946] And then so it can lead to all these other things.

[947] Like I remember when I first started drinking and having sex, I was like, ooh, this is awesome.

[948] Now I can be in the saddle for way longer.

[949] That's fucking great.

[950] And then when I get sober, I was kind of like, wait, I've been fucking drunk for 15 years.

[951] What am I going to do now?

[952] I always thought that women were in the saddle.

[953] Sorry.

[954] Go on.

[955] I think either.

[956] Whoever's in reverse cowboy anal can be in the saddle, I guess.

[957] Go on.

[958] When you're on drugs, what happens then?

[959] Yeah.

[960] And then when certain drugs, then you're lasting even longer and you feel way more in command of the whole thing.

[961] And then weirdly, you're now love for that drug is not just the experience of being on the drugs, but then the powers that it gives in the bedroom.

[962] And then ultimately, for me, I don't know, it's different for other guys.

[963] This is why I don't super respond to prostitution.

[964] simply because I'm an approval junkie.

[965] The whole reason I'm doing it is that I'm hoping to God you think I'm the best lover that ever lived.

[966] Like that is the Everest.

[967] I want you to be the best.

[968] Is that an actor thing?

[969] Because I don't know.

[970] Completely hear you on that.

[971] Or is that an everybody thing?

[972] Or is that in everybody thing because guys go to prostitutes.

[973] And I don't know how that is, that wouldn't be scratching the hitch I have.

[974] Yeah, but they also like they fall in love with them sometimes.

[975] Did you ever see that Vegas show, you know, on HBO?

[976] Oh, yeah.

[977] Cat House.

[978] Oh, Cat House.

[979] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[980] Yeah, yeah, yeah, Bunny Ranch or the Cat House.

[981] Yeah, uh -huh.

[982] It was called Cat House, but it was at the Bunny Ranch.

[983] Yeah, guys, I'd fall in love with those girls.

[984] But again, I think in that case, there is someone who has very expertly assessed what it is they need to hear, and they tell them that.

[985] And so they're in love.

[986] Right.

[987] But this is why I've never really enjoyed strip clubs, even though I've been to them and, you know, in a pinch, if you're bored in a town, sure, I'd probably go again.

[988] Albuquerque.

[989] Exactly.

[990] How did you fucking know that?

[991] I got to say, I've probably been to a strip club eight times in my life.

[992] Five of the times were in Albuquerque.

[993] I've been to that one.

[994] There's nothing to do.

[995] Yeah, if you're shooting night.

[996] Well, there's two.

[997] And the one downtown, I think, was younger.

[998] No drinking, but younger.

[999] And then the one on the outskirts was drinking and then they have more clothes on.

[1000] Oh, okay.

[1001] I was in the downtown one.

[1002] I was shooting nights and there was nothing open at night.

[1003] And your day's off or like Saturday and Sunday.

[1004] And I'm like, okay, I'm up at fucking three in the morning.

[1005] What am I going to do?

[1006] But anyways, I don't like being in there because, A, I'm a customer.

[1007] That's very clear.

[1008] Like, I am a customer to these people.

[1009] and then everything I would I would want to win them over I'd want to make them laugh I wouldn't trust a thing that they were giving back to me and so that doesn't I have no desire to do that so to that point yes I can see where where sex is daunting especially if your goal is to be very good for that other person and it's very hard to be very good when you're young so I guess maybe in that case it would be easier to just jerk off I still would have always preferred to have sex as a young person just didn't know if it was like I don't know for some reason it makes me sad that the idea.

[1010] Someone would be so afraid they'd rather just jerk off.

[1011] Well, I just read this piece in the New York I don't know, listen to me. I just know this piece about how young people have access to all this porn and they don't know like what the fuck is going on, you know.

[1012] I mean, not that I fucking do.

[1013] But yeah.

[1014] I'm always hesitant to believe all that stuff because I do think the undercurrent of America are the number one thing we're still afraid of is like sexuality is still so weird for everyone.

[1015] It's so threatening.

[1016] Again, because I think it triggers our biggest, biggest fears.

[1017] But there is still a very puritanical vibe in this country that I just can't wrap my head around.

[1018] And so when I read those pornography things, it's like, sure, it's certainly fucking up some dudes.

[1019] It's probably saving some marriage as well.

[1020] It's probably like, you know, who knows what the net result of it is, but I have a very hard time thinking watching people fuck is really a bad thing.

[1021] I think, you know, I just, I think it's some residual you know, Quakers settling Pennsylvania or something.

[1022] Oh, I agree with you.

[1023] But, but, but, Because it's the weight of it and because it's sort of forbidden as any kind of discussion topic in any format.

[1024] So it's like, you know, you've got like this 15 year old girl who's like my boyfriend wants to do anal because he saw it on the thing.

[1025] What do I do?

[1026] Like how do we not have any kind of discussion or, you know?

[1027] Yeah, I'd be very in favor of that.

[1028] You know?

[1029] Them having a very frank, real conversation in high school, it's like, hey, this is.

[1030] not unlike a Marvel movie or the dude flies.

[1031] So you fucking a girl in the ass and she's coming a thousand times, probably not going to happen in your lifetime nor are you going to blow up a building in New York City.

[1032] It's fine to fantasize about that, but then let me also tell you what's real.

[1033] Right.

[1034] Yeah.

[1035] Expectations get really muddy when that's what they're exposed to.

[1036] So conversations would be helpful.

[1037] Yeah.

[1038] And again, parents, everyone is so awkward about this thing, sex.

[1039] So of course they're being informed by that.

[1040] Because no one's pulling them aside and you're embarrassed among your friends to not know what's going on so you have to go find out on your own and that's all that's available right yeah so i don't think the thing in and it up itself is bad or whatever i think it is how it's used why it's used and all that that gets pretty dodgy or dicey so then my assumption knowing what you've told me now about yourself is that you would be in a relationship you're a very good conversation with thank you you too you should have a podcast that's wildly successful fuck you ducks would you be in a relationship and then someone that you thought would never like you would give you attention and that just was irresistible that approval from that type of person?

[1041] I wasn't I wasn't you were faithful yeah I've definitely I'm a flirt okay um which I think you both have probably picked up on here sure take your shirt off we're already okay we're already it's a good one but no with the exception of a couple of pecks here and there I was the one being cheated on and I was so naive and proud too so it was an odd combination of when sort of putting the pieces together it was like I still felt like well yeah that fucking sucks that hurts but kind of the better one I think at the end of the day not that I meant physically but I felt like I was always pretty good you didn't let it destroy yourself esteem no well it's more that I, I didn't know, I, you know what, I haven't really thought this answer through yet.

[1042] I think it was more that I felt like, fuck this noise.

[1043] I am, like, eventually there was the realization of like, oh, I'm stronger than this.

[1044] Uh -huh.

[1045] I want to be valued more.

[1046] Yeah.

[1047] Is it some - I was underestimated.

[1048] Is it something you ever tried to work through?

[1049] No. No. So if someone cheated on you, that was a wrap on them.

[1050] Well, there was definitely some denial on my part.

[1051] Okay.

[1052] Like, willful.

[1053] Yes, yeah, yeah, but...

[1054] He clearly is buttoning his shirt as he exits this.

[1055] Yeah, yes, but that's where I was so naive.

[1056] Because if a guy would tell me like, oh, you know, she tried to kiss me, but I said, no, I'm in love.

[1057] I'd be like, oh, that's romantic, okay.

[1058] And maybe that's because it wasn't in my personality trait necessarily to do a lot.

[1059] I don't know.

[1060] You guys, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

[1061] No, I love it.

[1062] That's the best part of you.

[1063] Um, is that you, you're only sincere and then you'll get to one we're like, I don't know how to wrap this up and I'm just going to say that.

[1064] But no, I would believe people.

[1065] Okay.

[1066] But, but you started saying something and then I probably interrupted you or you went on your own tangent.

[1067] But you were about to tell me what you and your brother determined was how your parents' perfect marriage backfired somehow for you guys.

[1068] I think it's the thing of like, you witness your parents and you think, okay, they got married.

[1069] 21.

[1070] They love each other.

[1071] They made this whole thing work.

[1072] I can trust my own judgment at that age as well.

[1073] What's tricky is, of course, that things have changed.

[1074] And my parents raised ambitious kids.

[1075] And that getting married at 21, 22, is incredibly difficult if you want to move to Hollywood and try to make it as an actor.

[1076] I think it's difficult for every single person no matter what they do unless you're my grandpa and you went to work at a bakery every day and we're around only men your entire life the only woman you saw in your whole life was my grandma yolas then it's pretty management but also you know with my first divorce i i did think a lot about like if people had in my life that i you know loved and respected had said to me hey i see that you're not the happiest have you thought about this or you know like like it seems like you guys are having some rough patches.

[1077] I don't think I would have listened to them.

[1078] And I write about it in my book about how an actor and a movie that I did towards the end in 2007, who I didn't know that well, that well, he was like, Anna, what the fuck?

[1079] Like, what's going on with this relationship?

[1080] Oh, really?

[1081] Yes.

[1082] And it was such, like, it was like cold water being dumped on my head.

[1083] It was like, you're so fucking right.

[1084] And three days later, I was like.

[1085] I'm done.

[1086] Yeah, there's no going back kind of from that realization.

[1087] Well, yeah, because I needed, I needed to, and to credit my parents and family and friends, like, I wouldn't have heard them, you know, I wouldn't have taken it in.

[1088] I would have been.

[1089] Well, yeah, it would be such a source of embarrassment from the people.

[1090] Yeah, and just like, I got this.

[1091] Like, I got this.

[1092] Like, you don't get it.

[1093] Yeah.

[1094] I got this.

[1095] Now, do you read a lot of this stuff on your Twitter?

[1096] Like, do you read the stuff people write to you?

[1097] How many of my Twitter followers are going to be listened to you?

[1098] I have no idea.

[1099] I can only help all of them.

[1100] I have been very resistant and terrible with social media.

[1101] How do you feel about it?

[1102] Oh, I have a trillion opinions that would take us three hours to go over.

[1103] But the specific thing I'm wondering about is I do read the mentions on my Twitter feed, you know, especially if I have something like chips where I work so hard to write it and direct it and took two years of my life.

[1104] If someone says something nice about that to me, like I want to say, thank you for that, right?

[1105] Yeah.

[1106] If I'm on something I have really nothing to do with, like maybe parenthood where I'm just saying Jason Ketam's wonderful words, I don't feel much ownership over it.

[1107] So I'm probably not as inclined to thank them personally.

[1108] So, you know, depending I guess what I have out in the world is kind of how dialed into it I am.

[1109] But the thing that I have read, I can't tell you how many thousands of times is you and I are both in a relationship or you were in a relationship.

[1110] and I was, I am still where people that they liked you guys so much together.

[1111] Yeah.

[1112] And they like us together.

[1113] Uh -huh.

[1114] And I so often would see your name with mine in like a hashtag couple's goals.

[1115] Right.

[1116] I'm telling you a thousand times, right?

[1117] Yeah.

[1118] And so I found out about you and Chris by my Twitter feed was so riddled with people who are like, no, it's you and Kristen and it's Chris and Anna.

[1119] So many people were writing, oh my God.

[1120] now if Dax and Kristen separate, love is dead and I kept saying to Kristen I'm so sorry I don't know anything about either of your situation nor do I want to know but I felt so compelled I wanted to publicly just say to those people you guys that does not mean love is dead that does not mean that you guys didn't love each other more than anything and that doesn't just mean that life's fucking very complicated and very hard and it's only amplified by all the trillion things you guys having going on I just felt this weird compulsion to defend you in some way.

[1121] Thanks.

[1122] Chris and I did talk talk about like, oh boy, like we're going to let people down, right?

[1123] Yeah.

[1124] And yes, and yeah, we got like on the Twitter feed, you know, yes, like love is dead and relationship goals.

[1125] And, you know, and I think what we were also guilty of, although we had an unbelievable marriage.

[1126] Yeah.

[1127] And we have a great friendship now.

[1128] We love our son to death.

[1129] And I'm really proud of that because I'm not sure I did that well.

[1130] The first time.

[1131] Yeah.

[1132] But I do like I think, you know, we obviously cultivated something.

[1133] Mm -hmm.

[1134] Yeah.

[1135] And it was rewarding for a while.

[1136] It was like, oh, people seem to think that we got all this shit, all right.

[1137] Yeah, it's nice.

[1138] But even then, even when times were good, did you feel a weird pressure?

[1139] Because I do.

[1140] I sometimes will read that stuff and I go, oh, man, when I fuck up, which in some point I'm going to or I'm going to do something I'm going to be breaking all like there is a weird pressure to it as much as it is fun like even if I was an asshole to her and we're in a fight for two days and then I'm reading those comments of like oh my god I need to find my Dax and I'm like I feel guilty like no you don't Dax is being an asshole right now he hasn't talked to Kristen in a 36 hours or whatever it is yeah like yes completely I'm not savvy enough to handle that arena well so instead You know, it's like, okay, I'll just like be silent on social media for a while.

[1141] I'll get followed around for a while.

[1142] Was there an embarrassment, though?

[1143] Like, I feel like I would be embarrassed if that happened to us, as if I, like, oh, God, these people are going to think I sold them something disingenuous.

[1144] When, in fact, whenever it was that we did something that you liked, that was genuine in that moment.

[1145] And it doesn't negate it now that later down the road, we both wanted to go another way.

[1146] I don't know if embarrassment is quite the right.

[1147] word something akin to that i think there was a little like i had a little bit of a childish feeling of like oh come on fucking grow up oh yeah yeah like a little anger yeah sure but but that's not fair either 60 % of america does because i cultivated it though like you know we intentionally cultivated the idea of like look at this beautiful family and there were so many moments that were like that but of course just like anything on social media you don't post like um you know chris is at a hotel the night.

[1148] Where the fuck is a toilet paper?

[1149] Yeah.

[1150] Or whatever.

[1151] Dax is sleeping at his friend's Nates tonight.

[1152] So, yeah, I think it's a very hard forum to be genuine.

[1153] And I think it does a disservice to people to not be, I guess.

[1154] But at the same time, I keep like posting what I feel like are very unflattering photos of myself.

[1155] But I also don't want to get roused.

[1156] up and sucked into the idea of like duck lips and like trying to get to emotionally invest yeah I don't know I don't know Dax well we you know well no I had Bell on this same podcast it was the first episode and we talked a lot about that I said you know are we part of the problem I think social media gives this idea to other people that everyone's living a great life but themselves and I think to try to counteract that her and I have always been dead honest that we've been going a couple's therapy since day one, you know, she's got fucking depression is on pills.

[1157] I'm a fucking recovering alcoholic.

[1158] Like there, there's a lot of shit going on.

[1159] Where do I fit in?

[1160] I have both things.

[1161] Yeah.

[1162] Have you wrestled with that?

[1163] Yeah, I think so.

[1164] Probably undiagnosed.

[1165] I come from a family where that's not widely acknowledged.

[1166] Okay.

[1167] It's just, just sort of that old school mentality of like, but there isn't really anything wrong, right?

[1168] Right, right.

[1169] And it, you know.

[1170] Or that you could fix it yourself if you try.

[1171] hard enough.

[1172] Right, right, right.

[1173] Yeah.

[1174] So Kristen, one of my favorite things about her is she's super open about it and I think has helped wildly de -shame at all, which is important.

[1175] And I try to I'm sure ad nauseum talk about getting sober for me, you know, because I think it's probably it's in the half of us are this way, you know.

[1176] It's not like it's five percent of us.

[1177] It's all of us, you know, this human condition is challenging.

[1178] And I think why it's, it's useful for someone like you to say it is, if I'm back home in Michigan still and I look at your life and I see a picture of your house and I know you're on TV, I have to assume those things we're going to solve my issues.

[1179] Right.

[1180] Of course.

[1181] And I think it's relevant to go like, you know, those external things, they are great.

[1182] Please don't take them from me. I'm grateful for them.

[1183] But they didn't fix any of the things that were.

[1184] Oh, they amplify.

[1185] They amplify.

[1186] Don't you think?

[1187] Or maybe maybe not, maybe I'm incorrect about that.

[1188] At the beginning for me. Yeah, there's, Because you're right, because you do assume that this is a fix.

[1189] This is like, okay, I've got the car, I've got the thing, I've got the other thing.

[1190] And you can lean on it.

[1191] So when you're feeling depressed, you can go, well, but I do have this house and I do have this job, you know, and other people can't do that.

[1192] So in a weird way, that can also be a trap because you can be lying to yourself.

[1193] But that's why I wanted to talk to you when I was driving over here about why you started a podcast and how it must be like it is for.

[1194] me therapeutic having conversations with people who clearly want to be heard but this format where it's intimate do you find that that it is therapeutic yes in this way I thus far have been lucky enough that I've talked to mostly people I have a lot of respect for there's this trick in AA where they tell you early on like identify somebody who has what you want and that doesn't mean a car.

[1195] That means that person seems to like themselves or that person seems content or that person seems to be able to accept the world as it is.

[1196] Isolate who for you is that person and then copy them.

[1197] You know, learn what they do.

[1198] How is it for me?

[1199] It's this guy, Jeff, like Jeff or my friend Tom, how is it you're managing your two daughters and your marriage and all these things and you seem to be doing it in a way that I could benefit from?

[1200] In that way, this podcast is an opportunity for me. and that's why I'm so interesting when people come and finding out, like, how do you get out of the struggle?

[1201] That's what I want to know.

[1202] How do you find self -esteem when you go to a public divorce and you still got to show up for work on Monday and be funny?

[1203] And you know, every person on that soundstage knows your business.

[1204] Like, how do you fucking navigate that?

[1205] That is what is an opportunity for me to learn from.

[1206] I think, you know, oh, God.

[1207] I think because...

[1208] I had felt distant for a while and I had so much, like, I have so many wonderful friends and such an amazing team of writers and crew and everything that the, like, degree of support was overwhelming and also it felt unnecessary.

[1209] It was like definitely like a week where it was like, please don't pay attention to me. Is it hard for you though to be vulnerable and accept help and to accept compassion.

[1210] Yeah.

[1211] Yeah, that's very hard for me. You know what's harder that in an odd way when not so much in the last couple years but early on when Alice and Janney and I just fucking love her so much and we're dear friends but when like she would win Emmys and I would feel like this wave of like Monica knows where I'm going I do.

[1212] It would feel like this wave of look like everyone's like eyes like sort of landing on me like is she cool this and I was I would just feel like I I had no idea how to react in those moments you just want to scream like I'm fine with this I'm like yeah this is fucking rad yeah yeah yeah like give me more money yeah yeah but but but but but so like so yeah I've definitely had I've definitely had I I mean, I guess, you know, when you're an actor and eyes are on you, it's, you go through those waves of things.

[1213] And it's funny, too, because at work, I know that some people are, you know, get snappy and moody with other people, but I don't see any of it.

[1214] And as a person who feels like very much, a team member and like, this is my show, like, I want to see, not to see it, but I want to, I don't want to be protected.

[1215] and I don't want to feel precious in any way.

[1216] And so those moments are the ones that make me feel precious.

[1217] And I don't want to feel, I don't want to feel those things.

[1218] Does that make sense?

[1219] It does.

[1220] Yeah, mine is, if you're helping me, obviously, I did something wrong.

[1221] You know, like I need the fact that I need help.

[1222] I also think, as I told you, I come from a family with three kids, one working parent.

[1223] The way you showed each other, you loved each other, was to not.

[1224] be a drag on them to be very self -sufficient like I would be mom look this is how much I love you I I got ready for school I cleaned my thing I even cooked you breakfast I know how hard this is so now in life for me to be a drag on people or for me to need Kristen it's almost impossible for me to ask thank God she's so intuitive she has shown up times when I did need her but I could have never asked it almost feels like I'm telling you I'm being selfish and I don't love you You know what I'm saying?

[1225] Like it feels like a selfish act to require help.

[1226] Oh, and you just can't get through life without help.

[1227] Like I couldn't have gotten sober.

[1228] I'd be dead right now, if not for the help of all these men over the last 13 years who helped me. But man, it's so hard for me to be vulnerable enough to say, I do need help.

[1229] It kills me. It's like the hardest thing for me to say.

[1230] Well, and also with what we do, we're essentially like our own, you know, business, right?

[1231] So we're hustling all around town.

[1232] we're selling ourselves.

[1233] And just ourselves, we're moving from job to job.

[1234] We're trying to get shit made and everything's kind of temporary.

[1235] We don't know when we're going to work again.

[1236] We don't know if something's going to work.

[1237] It is sort of built into whatever personality thread that that is is built into our industry as actors.

[1238] But weirdly, like Kristen and I has shared almost none of the same issues.

[1239] They're almost polar opposite.

[1240] And we have the same job.

[1241] She's better at than me, but whatever, we have the same job.

[1242] I have to imagine, were you and Chris, you were different, right?

[1243] No. You weren't.

[1244] You were very similar.

[1245] I think so.

[1246] I mean, yeah, I do.

[1247] I think so.

[1248] I mean, we grew up in neighboring towns.

[1249] Very, you know, similar sense of humor, similar.

[1250] Although I will say, I think that he was always naturally very popular.

[1251] Oh, uh -huh.

[1252] Well, yeah, he's a jock in high school, right?

[1253] Yeah.

[1254] Yeah, yeah.

[1255] So we do have those, that difference there because I wasn't.

[1256] Yeah, just sort of a natural leader.

[1257] Uh -huh.

[1258] And just always...

[1259] Very alpha.

[1260] Yeah.

[1261] Yeah.

[1262] Friends and, you know, people were drawn to him.

[1263] Yeah.

[1264] And it was a first time I dated somebody that was popular.

[1265] Uh -huh.

[1266] What is this?

[1267] I want to end on a high note.

[1268] So because this is...

[1269] Before I dig down.

[1270] No, no, no. So like a...

[1271] I just, you reminded me. I try to downplay how lucky all this is, you know?

[1272] Yeah.

[1273] But the truth is there are many times where it's preposterously lucky.

[1274] and we're so spoiled.

[1275] One of those times was 10 years ago, Kristen got invited to Hawaii.

[1276] And the deal was, come to Hawaii, we will fly you and your boyfriend first class, and you will have a huge suite at the four seasons.

[1277] And your obligation, the one thing she had to do was to go downstairs at a certain point and eat a piece of chocolate.

[1278] I mean, it seems like if you saw it written in a movie, you'd go, no way, this isn't how crazy it is.

[1279] The four seasons in Maui.

[1280] In Maui.

[1281] Yeah.

[1282] And then the other buffoons they wrangled into this were you and Chris.

[1283] Like you and Chris were there and Kristen and I were there.

[1284] And I think we're all pretty newly dating.

[1285] It was such a relief to see you guys too.

[1286] Yes.

[1287] And it was like, you're here too.

[1288] Yeah, I got to eat some fucking chocolate too.

[1289] Because you don't know.

[1290] It might be Octa Mom.

[1291] Like she might be the other popular person they've invited.

[1292] And that's who you're going to be standing in photos with while you eat this piece of chocolate.

[1293] Yeah.

[1294] Luckily it was you guys, which was so fun.

[1295] and we kept bumping into you guys throughout the resort, right?

[1296] And I think we were all so appreciative of how stupid this opportunity was that we were all, all four of us were pretty giddy with how preposterous this was, right?

[1297] Yeah.

[1298] And then you had bought Chris a pair of, remember you bought him a pair of Speedos that were like either American flag.

[1299] Yeah, the Americana's, we called him.

[1300] So I think that was the first time I met him.

[1301] And he is on the goddamn beach and a pair of fucking American flag.

[1302] flag speedos, prancing around.

[1303] There's photographers.

[1304] He doesn't give a fuck.

[1305] No, that was amazing.

[1306] And he was posing.

[1307] I know.

[1308] It was so, it was so fucking great.

[1309] It was really spectacular.

[1310] And then is I remember it and tell me if you have a different memory.

[1311] You guys were partying.

[1312] We weren't.

[1313] We were, I was sober and then she just simply wasn't drinking.

[1314] But you guys were, and you were pretty bombed by the time.

[1315] It was time to eat a piece of chocolate, right?

[1316] Is my memory correct?

[1317] That doesn't.

[1318] sound like me what the fuck dax i just remember we i want to say we took the same elevator down or something oh boy and you were bombed oh fuck and i remember thinking i don't know if she's gonna make it to eat this piece of chocolate did i don't know i'm this is a mystery i want solved is we left i haven't been invited back to the festival so that's not a great sign but I think we left that vacation pretty certain that you weren't able to fulfill your obligation of eating this piece of chocolate.

[1319] Hey, hey, hey, hey, I had a movie there.

[1320] Okay, so you had, you fulfilled other obligations.

[1321] Yes, thank you, Dax.

[1322] Yeah.

[1323] Oh, my God.

[1324] It may have been a short film.

[1325] But to me, that's the best punchline of the story.

[1326] All right, so all you got to do to fulfill all this is eat this piece of chocolate.

[1327] When you think anyone could do that, the notion again, whether it's true or not, I prefer my memory is that you may maybe didn't eat the piece of chocolate.

[1328] You know what?

[1329] I don't know, Monica.

[1330] Did I eat the chocolate?

[1331] For the sake of the story, no. I remember you guys being obsessed with crossword puzzles on that trip.

[1332] Yes, we used to race each other.

[1333] That was always impressive to me. We had the same book, and then we would, we shake hands, and we say, good luck to you, and then there's no cheating, and then we would get right into the race.

[1334] Do you remember Brad Garrett in the pool, by the way?

[1335] I do Yes I do I'm wondering if that's a trip Was Eddie Murphy at that hotel too Well it was the whole Maui film festival Oh so maybe he was Yeah But those people I don't think were there to eat the chocolate I think that was just you guys and us And again they did they had no interest in me eating the chocolate When it came time to eat the chocolate They didn't hand me any They wanted just they wanted Bell to eat that piece of chocolate She was the only blonde they got Maybe they were smart enough to get two of you in case one of you dropped out from some midday drinking.

[1336] Hey, hey.

[1337] I don't know.

[1338] Maui.

[1339] That's just my assumption of what happened.

[1340] Anna, thank you so much for making time.

[1341] I know you're busy, busy, busy.

[1342] Thanks so much.

[1343] And love to your sweet little boy.

[1344] You're amazing.

[1345] And I'm so glad that you're doing this.

[1346] And I'm going to come on yours again.

[1347] Please do.

[1348] Yes.

[1349] We've like kind of tapped.

[1350] I'm going to have to like.

[1351] Bullshit.

[1352] No, yeah, you're right.

[1353] You're sorry.

[1354] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1355] Yeah, we'll learn what town I'm from this.

[1356] time.

[1357] No, that was a no. You're not going to learn what town I'm from.

[1358] Well, I love you and thank you for time.

[1359] I love you too.

[1360] Thank you so much.

[1361] Stay tuned if you'd like to hear my good friend and producer Monica Padman point out the many errors in the podcast you just heard.

[1362] Monica Padman.

[1363] Hi.

[1364] At MD.

[1365] How do you do your Twitter handle?

[1366] MD.

[1367] I know it's weird.

[1368] It should be MLD.

[1369] What is it?

[1370] D. Why are you saying D. Because I have fucking dyslexia.

[1371] What is it?

[1372] At M. L. Padman.

[1373] Okay.

[1374] Well, that's still confusing.

[1375] Why?

[1376] There's an L in there.

[1377] That's my middle name, Lily.

[1378] Yeah, but that's not widely known, I don't think.

[1379] I know, but I just didn't know where the D was coming from.

[1380] You kept saying D and I wasn't sure.

[1381] Yeah, because there's a D and Padman.

[1382] That's true.

[1383] There is one.

[1384] It's a strong D too.

[1385] I wish it was MD.

[1386] That would be cool.

[1387] It would be Dr. Monica.

[1388] Absolutely.

[1389] Yeah, that'd be cool.

[1390] My father's initials were DRS and on his golf bag, it's a DR.

[1391] Shepard, I think intentionally, people thought that they were golfing with a doctor.

[1392] They were amidst a doctor.

[1393] A medical professional.

[1394] Fact check me. Okay.

[1395] Well, first, I just wanted to congratulate you.

[1396] Oh.

[1397] Because you said Smoking and the Bandit was the second biggest movie of the year and you learned this from a previous fact check.

[1398] This time I got it right.

[1399] This time you got it right because you said it wrong once before.

[1400] So congratulations.

[1401] I'm glad that you sandwich that in, I also fucked up previously.

[1402] So it was like, you did a good job, but then reminder.

[1403] People need context.

[1404] That's true.

[1405] That's true.

[1406] But you did a good job.

[1407] Okay, you said scary movie wasn't written by Lawrence Kasden and wasn't directed by quote, you name it, unquote.

[1408] Lawrence Kazan, just for people who don't know, is very, very famous.

[1409] One of the very best writers of all time.

[1410] Yes.

[1411] Screenwriter.

[1412] And he wrote, do you know any of the movies he wrote?

[1413] I don't think he wrote Jaws Okay Indiana Jones Yeah he wrote Raiders of the Lost Dark I didn't see Jaws on the thing But I would have seen it I think I would have seen it I think I would have seen it Yeah Big Chill Force Awakens A lot of the Star Wars Yeah Star Wars And he directed some stuff Body Heat Yeah I love body heat I think he directed that one Very sexy movie Can I say something Yeah We had a We had a wonderful guest On a few minutes ago And I can smell him Oh, really?

[1414] There's remnants of Keith Morrison's.

[1415] Yes, in a great way.

[1416] He's a definition of a silver fox.

[1417] Monica loves boys.

[1418] She do.

[1419] Scary movie is written by, wait for it.

[1420] Sean Wayne's, Marlon Wayne's, Buddy Johnson, Phil Bowman, Jason Friedberg, and Aaron Seltzer.

[1421] Congratulations.

[1422] Lots of guys.

[1423] And it was directed by Keenan Ivory Wains.

[1424] Oh, great.

[1425] Yeah.

[1426] And then you asked how does scary movie.

[1427] do.

[1428] Mm -hmm.

[1429] That was the one without her?

[1430] Correct.

[1431] Yeah.

[1432] That made $78 .4 million.

[1433] It's a lot of money.

[1434] It's pretty good.

[1435] It did really well.

[1436] You can't ask these things post.

[1437] No, but you know, it would be great.

[1438] Maybe Rob can just be doing this in the meantime because I would like to see if the previous one made, let's say, $100, and then they didn't pay her $15 million.

[1439] They screwed the pooch.

[1440] They should have ponied up because it would have come out in the wash, right?

[1441] Let's look.

[1442] It's Game Movie 4.

[1443] 178.

[1444] Oh, 178.

[1445] So they fucking saved $20 million on her paycheck, but then it costs them $100 million.

[1446] Yeah.

[1447] No, but don't you remember why she said?

[1448] No. She said it was because she was too old.

[1449] And I looked this up as well.

[1450] And she was too old.

[1451] And indeed she was too old.

[1452] She was 36 when that movie came out.

[1453] Oh, who gives a shit?

[1454] She still should have been her.

[1455] She looks super young anyway, so it should have been her.

[1456] You're right.

[1457] You said that you just.

[1458] checked out Fast and the Furious, maybe seven or eight when you were quoting Vin Diesel.

[1459] Yeah.

[1460] And I believe that was eight.

[1461] It was the last one, Fate in the Furious.

[1462] I think, right?

[1463] No, well, I didn't see the eight.

[1464] I know I didn't see the one with the submarine racing cars.

[1465] But I know when you told me that, I know.

[1466] I saw the one where there was a tribute to Paul Walker at the end, which I believe was seven.

[1467] Oh, that was seven.

[1468] And sadly, I didn't stick around for the Paul Walker tribute.

[1469] And I really regretted it because I heard it was beautiful.

[1470] Hmm.

[1471] Interesting.

[1472] I just remember when you told me that story that you saw it, but I thought you had just seen it because it was in the theater when you told me that.

[1473] Oh, really?

[1474] Yeah, so that was confusing for me. Well, truth's been told I've been telling that story since I saw it two years ago or whatever it was.

[1475] Benet and I went.

[1476] Oh.

[1477] So it was seven.

[1478] I haven't even invented a word yet for what I'm going to do to him.

[1479] I almost tried to watch them to see if you're saying the quote right, but that seemed like.

[1480] It couldn't be done, yeah.

[1481] Yeah, I didn't want to do that.

[1482] But you said you didn't know his name in the movie, and it's Dominic Toretto.

[1483] Yeah, Dom.

[1484] You claimed that you guys were shit -faced on Red Bull.

[1485] And I just wanted to, you can't do that.

[1486] Okay, great.

[1487] You weren't.

[1488] In case any underage people are trying to get Taiwan on with some Red Bull.

[1489] Exactly.

[1490] Okay.

[1491] You said most guys have terrible taste.

[1492] But I don't think you can say that, really.

[1493] No. Okay.

[1494] Do you think men are generally known for their good style?

[1495] As a stereotype, no. Right.

[1496] And, well, you've walked into a lot of male apartments in your life.

[1497] Sure.

[1498] Your ears is a call girl.

[1499] Yeah.

[1500] And did you find that they were generally tastefully decorated or were they're like a picture of a Porsche on the wall and a star face poster and a terrible black leather couch?

[1501] I think it's more age.

[1502] When when boys get older, they gain more taste, I think.

[1503] Those posters come down normally.

[1504] I'm going to stick with my claim.

[1505] I don't think you guys generally are great home decorators.

[1506] Yeah.

[1507] Sorry guys.

[1508] Luckily no guys listen to this podcast, which is something I was hoping would come up.

[1509] You know, I've come to the conclusion and I'm trying to make peace with it.

[1510] I just in general, I don't think guys like me too much.

[1511] No. I mean, I think guys in real life, like friends of mine.

[1512] Real life people.

[1513] Real life people like me. But just the general public, I think men don't like me. I'll fact check, I guess, but I don't think...

[1514] Are you going to pull people?

[1515] I'm going to do a poll like the one that's on the wall currently.

[1516] I don't think that's true.

[1517] I think they don't like you, but I think women actively like you.

[1518] I think maybe men just aren't turned on to you.

[1519] Yeah, or maybe turned off.

[1520] No, I don't think that's true.

[1521] This is a pattern I've recognized it from junior high on.

[1522] Boys in the older classes really hated me. Because you have a strong personality.

[1523] Well, I probably don't know my place.

[1524] That's probably my fault.

[1525] I also kind of dressed maybe a little funky.

[1526] Funky.

[1527] I wore like a hair band in my hair.

[1528] That probably triggered some homophobia or something.

[1529] I don't know.

[1530] I don't know what it is.

[1531] But I'm just coming to terms with the fact that maybe, look, it's rare where there's an actor where women and men love them.

[1532] Like Chris Pratt has it.

[1533] Yeah, he does.

[1534] So does.

[1535] Channing Tatum, right?

[1536] Yeah.

[1537] Yeah, like guys like them and girls like them.

[1538] That's true.

[1539] And it's kind of rare.

[1540] You know, generally it seems to be a little polarizing one way or another.

[1541] And I just am finding that I, you know, I'm not Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum in a host of ways.

[1542] But that's just one of them.

[1543] That's interesting.

[1544] Yeah.

[1545] Okay.

[1546] So you guys both brought up the bunny ranch for people who don't know what the bunny ranch is.

[1547] The Moonlight Bunny Ranch is a legal licensed brothel in Nevada.

[1548] Yeah, yeah.

[1549] And you've been there.

[1550] Well, I pulled into the parking lot of there.

[1551] Oh.

[1552] Yeah.

[1553] I've never partaken.

[1554] Not that I'm against it or for it.

[1555] I pulled into the parking lot because I was driving a car for work from Vegas to Reno and that's on the way.

[1556] And I just sat in that parking lot and I ultimately thought, I don't want to walk into a mobile home where there's a lot of sex happening.

[1557] It just, for whatever reason, it seemed, and it takes a lot to trigger my sense of.

[1558] Yeah.

[1559] I'm surprised.

[1560] have a very high tolerance for groatiness and it just to me felt a little grody.

[1561] Is it a mobile home?

[1562] Yes, it's a series of mobile homes bolted, yeah, right?

[1563] It's kind of like if you pulled up and it was like a mansion.

[1564] You know, a Sultan's palace or something.

[1565] Yeah, that's what I was picturing.

[1566] I think all of us, yeah.

[1567] When you hear Bunny Ranch, you go marble.

[1568] Oh, fancy.

[1569] Moorish architecture.

[1570] And then you guys were talking about the strip clubs in Albuquerque.

[1571] Uh -huh.

[1572] That was really funny that she had been to them as well.

[1573] Yeah, and I'm going to list them.

[1574] Okay.

[1575] Knockouts.

[1576] Okay.

[1577] Knockouts is the big one.

[1578] I don't want to get sued by knockouts, but there's a lot of reasons that that's a dodgy name for a strip club.

[1579] Oh, no, I see what they're meaning.

[1580] Yeah.

[1581] I miss the, like, oh, she's a knockout.

[1582] She's a knockout.

[1583] She's a K .O. Yeah, but it does have a little bit of like a spousal abuse wife battery kind of.

[1584] Interesting.

[1585] I didn't even think about that.

[1586] Fights.

[1587] Yeah, yeah.

[1588] Lotus Nightclub and VIP Ultra Lounge.

[1589] That sounds exclusive.

[1590] Why isn't it an Ultra Lounge?

[1591] I don't know.

[1592] Isn't it just a lounge?

[1593] Anyway, TD's Gold Club.

[1594] Okay.

[1595] T .D .'s North Show Club and Fantasy World.

[1596] None of those ring a bell.

[1597] Really?

[1598] Yeah.

[1599] I think, I feel like you guys were talking about knockouts and Lotus Night Club because those are the two downtown.

[1600] You referred to downtown.

[1601] Yeah.

[1602] This one was weirdly more towards the Costco we were filming in.

[1603] So it was a little bit north of the.

[1604] TD's Gold Club.

[1605] That sounds good.

[1606] Like I like that name a lot.

[1607] Fantasy World?

[1608] Like a strip club like J .Rs. That's a great name for a strip club, right?

[1609] Well, that's a pancake house.

[1610] Yeah, yeah.

[1611] It just sounds like a nuts and bolts operation.

[1612] Yeah.

[1613] Not too lofty, not an extreme lounge or whatever you said, Ultra lounge.

[1614] Ultra lounge.

[1615] Yeah, just nudity.

[1616] Just some garden variety nudity.

[1617] Well, if anyone's looking to go to any of these.

[1618] Yeah, we should help them.

[1619] Well, I do want to help, and I do want to say that knockouts.

[1620] This is an unexpected position you're taking.

[1621] Knockouts is $4 signs on Yelp.

[1622] Oh, it is?

[1623] That's a lot.

[1624] Is that outrageous?

[1625] So you might not.

[1626] Well, you know, if you're on a budget, knockout those of the one.

[1627] That's so subjective, though.

[1628] Can I just tell you, I can't imagine you've frequented a lot of strip quotes.

[1629] Then do a few.

[1630] Oh, yeah.

[1631] Okay.

[1632] So, you know, there's a bargain way to do it, and then there's a very expensive way to do it.

[1633] And if you're just going to take in the nudity and have a cocktail or two, that's affordable.

[1634] Yeah.

[1635] But if you want to go in one of those sticky boxes and have a stranger dance on your lap, that's going to, you're going to rack up some charges quickly.

[1636] Yeah, if you're going to eat at the buffet.

[1637] That's where you get to four.

[1638] Or that's where you're going to get the $4 signs for sure.

[1639] You never leave that private room.

[1640] Well, just doing my part.

[1641] The piece in the New York Times about porn that honor referenced is called What Teenagers Are Learning from Online Porn by Maggie Jones.

[1642] Did you read it?

[1643] Started two and then we had to come here.

[1644] Oh, okay.

[1645] But I want to.

[1646] I want to.

[1647] It was interesting.

[1648] Generally speaking, the New York Times articles are pretty dependable.

[1649] They're usually interesting.

[1650] I find them to be nice.

[1651] It's a high bar of journalism.

[1652] Indeed.

[1653] You said that there's a puritanic, you say this a lot, that there is a puritanical vibe in this country regarding sex.

[1654] Yeah.

[1655] And I think that's all relative.

[1656] I don't think that's true.

[1657] Well, yeah, I should be more specific.

[1658] In comparison to other Western nations like France, Germany.

[1659] European nations.

[1660] European nations, yes.

[1661] I'm thinking of Western nations.

[1662] see it when I say western.

[1663] Okay.

[1664] Yeah, I'm assuming that in Tehran probably just as puritanical or more.

[1665] But I do think like it doesn't take much to just travel to France and pop on the normal broadcast television.

[1666] You see nudity and sex scenes and the rating system is different.

[1667] Yeah, I mean, I guess, yeah, if you're talking about specifically European, if you're comparing to that.

[1668] And we were settled by Puritans.

[1669] in Quakers and a lot of kind of extreme religious sex that were escaping England, right?

[1670] Yeah, but I'm just, if you're comparing us to the current world.

[1671] Yes, I was, yep.

[1672] It's not.

[1673] That's right.

[1674] There's many more people in the world engaging in behavior that's far more buttoned up than the United States.

[1675] You're dead right and I'm dead wrong.

[1676] Spectrum of 10, maybe I'll give France an 8, U .S. of 5, and I'm afraid to even say what I think some of the Middle East countries are because I don't want a fought while on my head.

[1677] I don't want you to have one.

[1678] But I do think was it, I really think there was something that Aziz wrote, but maybe it was, Aziz, I'm sorry, or maybe it was something he said out on a talk show.

[1679] I'm pretty sure it was him who had traveled to India and then he had noted like this massive difference, just how pervasive it is here.

[1680] How, like, on all of our billboards, I mean, the Equinox billboards are two people, two naked people.

[1681] I mean, that's it for a gym.

[1682] On a treadmill.

[1683] Yeah, that's the gym ad.

[1684] So it's just, it's very, yeah.

[1685] That's fair.

[1686] Anywho, Anna mentioned her book.

[1687] Her book is called Unqualified.

[1688] Oh, that's a very appropriate type.

[1689] Yes.

[1690] And then her podcast is also called Unqualified.

[1691] Should I ever pen a book?

[1692] Maybe I'll call it Armchair.

[1693] You should.

[1694] People will be able to remember it much easier.

[1695] It was smart of her.

[1696] Divorce, you said 60 % of Americans do.

[1697] Current rate is...

[1698] I said that?

[1699] Mm -hmm.

[1700] I don't know what that number is.

[1701] I'm embarrassed.

[1702] I even took a stab at it.

[1703] Okay.

[1704] Yeah.

[1705] It's fucking high.

[1706] But that's a very misleading figure, much like life expectancy figures.

[1707] When you hear people lived 30 years old in the 1500s, they're also counting infant mortality rates, which were off the charts.

[1708] Right.

[1709] And so as that infant mortality rate, comes down.

[1710] The median age could stay the same, but the number changes dramatically.

[1711] And likewise, with divorces, so many of the divorces are second and third divorces.

[1712] So as the people who are getting divorced get divorced a lot and really affects that number.

[1713] Yeah.

[1714] Yeah.

[1715] Yeah.

[1716] Sure.

[1717] You said Chris Pratt was a jock in high school.

[1718] I think he was a wrestler.

[1719] He was a wrestler.

[1720] Yeah.

[1721] They just wanted to be a little more specific.

[1722] He's a man. He is a man among men.

[1723] Yeah, wearing that singlet.

[1724] Oh, he's got a real sturdy build.

[1725] Kind of build I like, too.

[1726] Like, he looks strong.

[1727] It's not like he was cut on that beach, per se, but like huge trapezias, very pronounced.

[1728] Do you know what it might be?

[1729] Do you know why he might be appealing to everyone?

[1730] Why?

[1731] Because he's not gorgeous.

[1732] No, I wouldn't say that.

[1733] I wouldn't be caught saying that.

[1734] But he's not threatening at all.

[1735] Even though he is this very masculine alpha man, he's not a threatening.

[1736] He seems very relatable and nice.

[1737] And inclusive, yeah, absolutely.

[1738] So does Channing.

[1739] Exactly.

[1740] They both do.

[1741] And they both are that way in real life, which is annoying.

[1742] So maybe that's the key.

[1743] And then you called it a pair of speedos.

[1744] I did.

[1745] But I think if you're wearing a speedo, it's just a speedo.

[1746] It's just a speedo.

[1747] I know, okay.

[1748] I think.

[1749] This is like a pair of jeans situation.

[1750] But you say a pair of underwear.

[1751] I know.

[1752] I don't though because I. Who left a pair underwear on the floor?

[1753] I know, but I don't because I have problems with it.

[1754] No, I just don't think it's, I think it's factually incorrect because a pair is two.

[1755] Do you think it's because there's two leg holes in these things?

[1756] Yes, I think that's why people say that about jeans too.

[1757] A pair of jeans.

[1758] Like, get yourself a pair of jeans.

[1759] No, get yourself a gene.

[1760] Just one gene.

[1761] No, you say jeans.

[1762] You say just jeans.

[1763] Which is also stupid because that's plural.

[1764] But you mean a singular.

[1765] You mean a singular gene.

[1766] Go out and treat yourself right.

[1767] Get yourself a really expensive gene.

[1768] Yeah, I'm going to start saying that.

[1769] One pant.

[1770] You'll lose friends faster than you can count.

[1771] I don't need them.

[1772] That's all.

[1773] Oh, that was not bad.

[1774] And we'll dive deeper into whether or not men hate me or not.

[1775] You know, this maybe will be an evolving.

[1776] an ongoing reoccurring oh this is something i just want to throw out there for no real reason but i i have i have a few different reoccurring dreams and i've shared them with you one's been one about robert donnie junior since i was like 12 years old i just have a dream about him once a month you know even after you've met him you still haven't they kind of stopped once i became friendly with him and also i've sworn to never tell him this as i told you like you said did you ever tell him that you dreamt about him every single night and i said no i think that'd be a weird thing to hear from somebody.

[1777] I'd like to know.

[1778] I would too.

[1779] Yeah.

[1780] But I'm not Robert Downey Jr. But I have a reoccurring dream where I'm in a room.

[1781] I'm in a house and I can't get out and there is a lion in the room or sometimes more than one.

[1782] Like I'm at someone's house and I discover they collect exotic big game cats.

[1783] Right.

[1784] And these dreams are fucking terrifying.

[1785] I'm just, I can't escape them.

[1786] This week I had a dream and I think I told you there.

[1787] I went into someone's house.

[1788] Of course they had a tiger, like a full -blown bangle tiger, gigantic, 600 pounds.

[1789] And it tackled me on a bed.

[1790] And I was waiting for it to eat me. And then I realized it was being a little bit playful.

[1791] And I said, oh, are you, are you just trying to play?

[1792] And then the tiger went, yeah.

[1793] And it had this really sweet, cute, high voice.

[1794] I go, oh, can you understand English?

[1795] And the tiger goes, yeah.

[1796] And I just asked it a bunch of questions.

[1797] And it just kept saying, yeah, and it was so cute.

[1798] And then I just kind of wrestled with it and snuggled it.

[1799] And I feel like that might be some weird breakthrough.

[1800] Like whatever the cat represents, maybe in life I've conquered that fear.

[1801] And now the big game cat is a friend in my slumber.

[1802] Yeah.

[1803] I wonder if, well, first of all, you haven't had that dream since.

[1804] Right.

[1805] I mean, I know it was earlier this week, but you haven't had that again.

[1806] I haven't had a second positive dream.

[1807] Right.

[1808] Yeah.

[1809] Or negative.

[1810] You haven't seen the time.

[1811] Tiger again.

[1812] No. Okay.

[1813] But when did you first have this dream?

[1814] Do you remember?

[1815] I can't remember, but that certainly would be a clue to what it represents.

[1816] Yeah, because this is what I think happened.

[1817] Okay.

[1818] I think you had this dream when Kristen was pregnant.

[1819] Well, that's a really good theory, but can I tell you something?

[1820] I am a lifetime pessimist.

[1821] The one thing in my entire life that I've never been pessimistic about was both getting pregnant, the pregnancy, and then having the kid.

[1822] I had the best feeling about all of those.

[1823] I'm like, I'm going to get you pregnant for a shot.

[1824] It's going to be a great pregnancy.

[1825] The kid's going to be healthy and everything's going to be great.

[1826] I just have the most positive feeling about it.

[1827] Yeah, but I don't think, I don't think it's pessimism and I don't think it's outward.

[1828] That's why you're dreaming about it.

[1829] But I, but people, there's no way you didn't have any anxiety.

[1830] I had, no. And I think that's largely become, Because I was, not was, I still am almost seven years older than Carly, my sister.

[1831] And so I took care of her a lot as a little kid.

[1832] I cared for her.

[1833] And I changed her diapers and I fed her a bottle.

[1834] So I had done that.

[1835] I had that experience.

[1836] So I didn't have that fear people have when they're coming home from the hospital and they have this little baby in their car.

[1837] And they're like, oh, Jesus, we got to keep it alive.

[1838] I was like, oh, yeah, I did that at seven.

[1839] I'm sure I can do it at 32.

[1840] That's true.

[1841] And you've seen me parent more than any other person other than my, wife and Carly and the kids themselves and I'm not anxiety written about it.

[1842] I'm like I have a path and I know you're not you're not but I do and I don't think it has anything to do with knowing what to do with a baby.

[1843] I had also had a little brother and a babysat every kid in Los Angeles probably but I would still have anxiety not like how do I feed a baby or how do I do that but just parenting That's a different level of anxiety of I'm now responsible for a human for the rest of their life And what percentage though of that is just a financial like oh fuck now someone's depending on oh so that zero okay no just just the idea that this thing is like the bottom line is we got to get you pregnant ASAP And see if you start having dreams about tigers and then we'll know definitively that that's what mine is but well it just makes sense because now this now you know like now that tiger is telling you in a very cute.

[1844] delta -sized voice, that she's nice.

[1845] And there to play and snuggle.

[1846] I imagine it's more career -related.

[1847] That's my hunch.

[1848] Okay.

[1849] All right.

[1850] Well, I love you.

[1851] And let's do this again shortly.

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