Deep Dive with Dana Carvey 6

[0] Hello, this is Conan O 'Brien Needs a Friend, Deep Dive with Dana Carvey.

[1] Hey, Dana.

[2] Glad to be here, Conan.

[3] It's a six -part mini -series where I, Conan O 'Brien, along with occasional help from my assistant Sonam of Sessian.

[4] Hi.

[5] And my producer, Matt Gourley.

[6] Hi.

[7] Go deep into the weeds with one of my favorite comedians and friends, Dana Carvey.

[8] Enjoy.

[9] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes.

[10] Walk and lose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[11] Yes, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[12] Hey, Conan O 'Brien here, and I am God.

[13] I'm in heaven.

[14] I'm here with Dana Carvey again.

[15] I'm told this is our last mini episode together, Dana, but who knows, there could be more fun for us on the way.

[16] I've been having...

[17] We're monetizing.

[18] I've just been having so much fun.

[19] There's a lot to talk about.

[20] It is fun.

[21] You know what's nice about this?

[22] These bite -sized ones is because, in a sense, we could do other ones where we philosophize, but it's sort of a combo of actually performing like we would if we were really goofy in the back of a car on the way to a gig.

[23] Yes.

[24] You know, where you just make each other laugh with me. Well, one of the things that has been so nice about this podcast and has been particularly nice with you is just, capturing what it's like to hang out with Dana Carvey and you're not one of those people that's brooding and sulking and then you go off in a room and you come up with great stuff and you perform it for 5 ,000 people.

[25] You're a joy to be with when we grab sushi at the same restaurant that you always make me eat sushi at.

[26] We do, yeah.

[27] We go to the same one the last five times.

[28] Yeah, and you always say meet me at that sushi restaurant so I meet you there and then you tell me, you always show me, oh, you always show me where David Spade's table is.

[29] And you go like, yeah, Spade eats over there.

[30] And I'm like, why do you guys eat at this one sushi restaurant?

[31] And why does Spade go over at one table and just sit there?

[32] Well, for me, I'm kind of a recluse.

[33] Like, I'm really happy at home with my wife watching something cool on TV.

[34] You know, I got cool snacks, cool TV.

[35] I got my guitar.

[36] What's a cool snack?

[37] I got cool snacks.

[38] What is it cool snacks?

[39] You know, just cool snacks.

[40] Like a pomegranate roll -up?

[41] What is a cool snack?

[42] You know, mango sorbet, maybe a couple adult beverages.

[43] You know, I like a few beers.

[44] Sure you do.

[45] Friends, golden friends.

[46] The other day I asked myself for permission whether I could have another beer.

[47] And to my delight in surprise, myself said yes.

[48] Sometimes you get lucky.

[49] So you enabled yourself.

[50] But I, this restaurant, which, should we not say the name of it?

[51] You can say the rain.

[52] It's called, well, then everyone's going to go.

[53] Okay.

[54] It's a really cool place.

[55] Why can't they go?

[56] They can go.

[57] You know, it's called Koi.

[58] But it's right, I can walk to it from my house.

[59] What is it on La Siena?

[60] Yeah, La Siena.

[61] It's very dark.

[62] There's no paparazzi there for my celebrity friends.

[63] I'm like, I'm getting mob, but it's dark as really good food.

[64] It's very mellow.

[65] We used to go early.

[66] It's empty.

[67] It's very nice.

[68] We've had a couple of our show Christmas parties there.

[69] I just find it.

[70] We always sit in the back and howlike monkeys and improvise and act like fools and then you always do point out to me like, yeah, that's where Spade sits over there and I'm like, I just love that David Spade eats at one restaurant.

[71] Even Dennis Miller met Spade and I there a while back and he's eating the food and he goes, Christ sakes, car me, this is the best food I've ever had.

[72] I'm keeping this a secret, huh?

[73] What's the guy I got to do to get a tiger roll?

[74] Is he super conservative with you?

[75] Dennis Miller?

[76] Dennis is...

[77] Because he got...

[78] His humor became more conservative.

[79] I don't know if he's...

[80] Yeah.

[81] You know, Nancy Pelosi, bad shit crazy, crazy.

[82] I don't know.

[83] I mean, he says in the end of the day, Dennis says, I just want to keep half my money and kill the bad guys, okay?

[84] What does that mean?

[85] Well, a strong defense and topped out at a 50 % tax.

[86] I want to keep half my money.

[87] Isn't everybody a little bit conservative?

[88] a little bit liberal.

[89] I mean, in other words, if there's anything about the American experiment, anything you want to conserve, then that's kind of conservative.

[90] If you do want a complete redo, top to bottom, that would be Bernie Sanders.

[91] Bernie Sanders.

[92] I hate myself.

[93] I'm a rich prick.

[94] That's right.

[95] He found out recently that because of, someone found out that he wrote a book and the book sold so well that he was technically a millionaire, and people called him on it.

[96] And then he, you're funny, I hate myself.

[97] I hate myself.

[98] I'm a rich prick.

[99] I used to do, I don't know if I did it before.

[100] Not in this series.

[101] I did Bernie Sanders as a crosswalk guard.

[102] Oh, I don't know about that.

[103] Don't proceed.

[104] Don't proceed.

[105] The system's rigged.

[106] The system's rigged.

[107] Don't proceed.

[108] Hey, mister.

[109] What do they call you?

[110] Bernie.

[111] Bernie Sanders.

[112] I never had of you.

[113] He said, I think if you were on.

[114] SNL now, you'd be doing a Bernie Sanders.

[115] Well, SNLs, which is just different, Larry David, really looked like Bernie Sanders.

[116] You know, it's strange.

[117] The show changed that you and Phil Hartman, back in the day, you guys would play everybody.

[118] Yeah.

[119] And then they got into this thing of let's bring in Matt Damon, let's bring in Alec Baldwin, let's bring in, they just it's different people.

[120] Let's bring in Robert De Niro.

[121] And I wonder if that ever pisses off the cast.

[122] I'm like, hey, what are we supposed?

[123] I don't know.

[124] We were very lucky.

[125] I mean, we didn't really have it.

[126] I think Dan Aykroyd came in once and did Bob Dole, but that was about it.

[127] Yeah, I remember that.

[128] But, yeah, I did George Bush, senior doing him, doing that way.

[129] You know, I, and I, when I did the Seinfeld thing, we were doing four hours.

[130] No, what do you do?

[131] No. What were you doing just back in him, because people don't know.

[132] Comedians in cars with Jerry.

[133] And right as he's going to drop me off in the car, he goes, my favorite thing, ever did was George Bush Sr. And I go, really?

[134] Why?

[135] He goes, because it didn't sound anything like him.

[136] So it became like, you know, my stress puppet side of me. I do use George Bush Senior making a list of what I'm doing in order to calm it down.

[137] So I'd be like, here, here we are.

[138] Counten needs a friend.

[139] Counten.

[140] Matt, son, Dana, doing that thing, talking, Earwolf, Stitcher, Conoco, monetization.

[141] But you know what I, I, we've talked about this a lot.

[142] I'm never a fan of an accurate, if an impression is incredibly accurate, I get bored by it.

[143] What I love is when people are silly putty and they stretch it out.

[144] And so you would, I remember, because I was there for the whole arc of it, you started doing George Bush Sr. And then you came, you got to, not going to do it, not going to do it.

[145] Yeah.

[146] But then, by the end, you're going, Nagada, nah got da, nah got da, nah, got that.

[147] And I was delighted because I thought you, it's almost like you're going to go insane if you don't stretch it out to the point of absurdity.

[148] Kevin thinks I get bored, but I do think that that was such a slow bill that the audience came along with me. Yes, they did.

[149] So by then, not going to do that.

[150] Here is something that is interesting.

[151] I'm going to play this for you and the listeners.

[152] So I had bronchitis in January.

[153] So I had seen Paul McCartney on 60 Minutes, and I realized that my Paul McCartney with bronchitis was a very different Paul McCartney, and it seemed like it captured something.

[154] So I started to record that morning, because I knew I was going to run out of this when Paul comes off the road in the way he talks.

[155] So should I just press play?

[156] Sure, yeah.

[157] So here it is.

[158] And it's just was a once -in -a -lifetime chance to do a more accurate Paul, and I was just riffing, not trying to be funny.

[159] But John and I, you know, we had a bit of a competition.

[160] You know, it's just normal, you know.

[161] We were mates, you know, we were lads.

[162] And it was like, you know, what's he doing?

[163] You know, what do I do?

[164] You know, he came up with the primary, you know, I want to hold your hand, you know, give me your hand.

[165] Let's hold hands, you know, to do.

[166] You know, and I had, I saw a standing there, you know.

[167] She was just 17, a real beauty queen.

[168] And, you know, John said, well, hold on.

[169] Let's not, you know.

[170] and you know what I mean you know, it's just like changed the whole course you know, so we collaborated in songs like that you know, a lot, you know when John came up with you know I'm only sleeping, you know I'm sleeping, everybody leave me alone, you know after that I had Eleanor Rigby was just like a toe tap her away and George Modd says put violins you know like, you know bass oven or something and it's like do do do do you know Eleanor Rigby you know she's got a face and a jaw, a drawer.

[171] You know, she can find the face to do all the people looking at her face.

[172] You know, these were great days.

[173] We had a lot of fun.

[174] Can I just say what thing?

[175] First of all, I love that you're obsessed with Paul, for a brief time, had bronchitis.

[176] So then you have to learn how to do him with bronchitis, which is completely unnecessary.

[177] In a different rhythm.

[178] But hold on, hold on.

[179] I want to get to something.

[180] But my favorite thing about your Paul is, I know how he tries so hard to be casual about everything.

[181] So when he references these iconic songs, I love that he intentionally doesn't know the lyrics.

[182] You know, she was just 17 and, you know, the beef was very lean.

[183] And you're like, no, that's not.

[184] And then do -de -do -de -do -do -do -no.

[185] No, that wasn't it at all.

[186] And you know that's not it.

[187] I know.

[188] Like I said, these are brilliant pop masterpieces.

[189] And that's extenuating his casualness about it to the point where he's just being so face in a jaw and no nose with the faces, you know, do -de -do -do -do -d -d -d -d -get get the face in the face.

[190] here yesterday, where's yesterday, how about tomorrow?

[191] You know that song, better be.

[192] So I'm only sleeping, just leave me alone.

[193] No, that's not the song.

[194] So this one was just me trying throughout the week, and my voice is a little raw now from screaming, but you said, who does George on one of our podcasts?

[195] So I took it upon myself to try to find the beginnings of a George, not saying it's perfect, this is a quick one.

[196] Here is me in my apartment trying to think about how George Harrison's specific voice works.

[197] John and Paul were sort of the primary songwriters of the Beatles in the early days, and I would sort of, you know, learning like an apprentice of some sort.

[198] Later on, I was very lucky to get a couple of A -sides before the band broke up, you know.

[199] But I really learned from John and Paul, you know, about the middle eight in certain chords and progressions and things.

[200] And then eventually, you know, maybe people would say this.

[201] student became the teacher, you know, that's too cheekier, perhaps.

[202] So you're going insane, basically, doing the Beatles alone in your apartment.

[203] Yes.

[204] So what's happening in your life while you're deciding?

[205] Well, first of all, everybody's gone.

[206] My wife is gone.

[207] There's nobody there.

[208] Meaning they've left you forever.

[209] Well, they're tired of a guy talking to themselves in the dark.

[210] But this is how you learn impressions.

[211] You listen to yourself.

[212] Then you do it again.

[213] You listen to yourself.

[214] So this Ringo is not completely accurate.

[215] I basically play for the singer.

[216] you know, he's up there, singing, no reason, they're bashing around in the back.

[217] You know, I had no brothers that never had a brother.

[218] You know, I looked around and I asked me mom, you know, where's my brother?

[219] No brothers.

[220] Whenever I met those three lives, I go, hey, here's my brothers.

[221] I love having brothers.

[222] That's it.

[223] I think that's really good.

[224] Good him better.

[225] I think the George is the harder one to get.

[226] He's sort of this slow, careful guy.

[227] Did you, he came by Saturday Live once when I was there.

[228] I was not there, but I'm sorry to miss it.

[229] Yeah, he came by and he and Lauren had been having a very nice evening.

[230] Of course.

[231] And I think George had had quite a bit to drink.

[232] And he came into the writer's room and we were all stunned.

[233] You know, George Harrison walked in.

[234] And he was looking at us and he was weaving a little bit on his feet.

[235] And he said, sorry, I'm as pissed as a newt.

[236] I'll never forget that.

[237] He said, sorry, I'm as pissed as a newt.

[238] And then we were like, oh, my God.

[239] And he was like, why are you all staring at me?

[240] And we were all staring at him because he's George Harrison.

[241] And then there was a, you know, the piano that's in the writer's room?

[242] Oh, yeah.

[243] Yeah.

[244] He went and he sat at that piano and he started to play.

[245] And we were like, shit, a Beatles playing on this piano.

[246] And just then as a joke, Al Franken came running out and slammed the piano shot and went, Quiet!

[247] I'm trying to work!

[248] And then he stopped the whole thing even though he was joking.

[249] got scared and left.

[250] And I was like, girl!

[251] I mean, it was really funny to tell and Beatle to shut up with the music.

[252] But, yeah, that happened.

[253] You own a home, don't you, right?

[254] I at least down here, I have a home in Marin County.

[255] What's that?

[256] I have a home in Marin County, but I have a landlord down here in Los Angeles.

[257] You have a landlord.

[258] So you live in a small apartment now, a very small apartment.

[259] A town home.

[260] And you pretend to be the Beatles all by yourself.

[261] in my car.

[262] Into your phone.

[263] Yeah, if I took that challenge, I just became really interested between the last time we saw each other, it's like, well, what does George sound like?

[264] So I became very fascinated by that rhythm, you know, but one time, I remember one time, you know, I've had trouble with landlords.

[265] I don't, this time, but my wife and I rented a place in Malibu on the beach, and our landlord, I guess, was Eastern European.

[266] I don't know where he was from, but we had a $30 ,000 deposit.

[267] And then we leave, and the house is perfect.

[268] My wife kept it perfect.

[269] He goes, I keep deposit.

[270] I go, what?

[271] Carpet is frayed little bit of pain missing.

[272] I keep deposit.

[273] So then I had to get an attorney to sue him.

[274] And so we do all that.

[275] And he's like, okay, you can have $30 ,000.

[276] I said, no, hard feelings.

[277] I try to get, but you got it.

[278] Not a problem.

[279] It was just completely cultural.

[280] I love that.

[281] Cultural.

[282] Yeah, it was just like you have to, you can't blame a guy for trying.

[283] Yeah.

[284] I try to get money.

[285] It's way we barter.

[286] It's part of culture, your money, I try to get.

[287] If you get, I'm not mad, I just, you got the money.

[288] That's all, no hard feelings, like on these podcasts.

[289] You get in laugh, I get in laugh.

[290] You get in laugh is great.

[291] I try to get in laugh.

[292] You get in laugh, happy for you.

[293] So, so literally, she wants me to talk about that.

[294] Did he fold the minute you...

[295] Yes, the minute we put pressure.

[296] All right, all right, here's $30 ,000.

[297] No problem.

[298] I didn't know you'd fight back.

[299] I tried to steal.

[300] Well, because one of you say, not worth it.

[301] Maybe you, I saw Wainz World movie, maybe you have so much money.

[302] You're like, fuck it, you can have it.

[303] I don't want to fight it.

[304] All of a sudden, I see army of attorneys command me. I'm like, okay, you have money.

[305] I don't need it.

[306] No half -feeling.

[307] I tried to take your money.

[308] But I never tried to take your wife.

[309] I love that guy.

[310] What's that guy's name?

[311] Brasnazik Luko.

[312] Brack.

[313] Now, Sonia, you're laughing real hard over there.

[314] What's going on?

[315] I know this guy.

[316] You know this guy, don't you?

[317] I do.

[318] Do you think he could potentially be someone that you know?

[319] What are you trying to say?

[320] No, no, what I'm saying is you come from a thriving Armenian culture.

[321] Okay.

[322] But that's clearly not Armenian.

[323] No, he's not Armenian.

[324] I didn't want to give it a country.

[325] He might have been Russian.

[326] He might have been Bulgarian.

[327] It sounds very...

[328] But Sona was laughing really...

[329] Sona you were laughing really hard.

[330] Because he's right.

[331] It is cultural.

[332] I think that if they see a...

[333] opportunity and they're like, why don't I just hold on to it?

[334] And then if he shows a bit of a fight, they're like, eh, never mind.

[335] It's not worth it.

[336] I know that guy.

[337] Yeah, yeah.

[338] I mean, I find that the fascination with dialects, because you know, a long time ago, we didn't have any language across the planet.

[339] So everyone was grunting.

[340] You know, for water.

[341] And then I was, on the plains of France, at some point, some cave guy started to evolve that French dialect.

[342] You know, how did that?

[343] You know, trying to point them to water.

[344] Hey, he, he, yeah, he's the back to you get there.

[345] So it's a cultural thing that came from, you stupid idiots.

[346] Look at the water.

[347] You can't even drink some water.

[348] And the Liverpoolians are always very curious people because everything sounds like a question.

[349] Yes, yes.

[350] If you want to do Liverpool, did you go to the store?

[351] I told you, I went.

[352] To the store.

[353] Well, you don't sound sure.

[354] I just told you.

[355] I went to the store.

[356] You can't sound humble with a French accent.

[357] No, you can.

[358] I am not a very important person.

[359] You can't.

[360] So there's something cultural in the same way.

[361] I try to take your cattle, your sheep, your wife, your property.

[362] But if you want it, I give back.

[363] No hard for you.

[364] I try to throb everything from you, but I give back.

[365] No hard feelings.

[366] Hey, Conan, this is George Dubby Bush.

[367] Who does your hair?

[368] Stupid cuts.

[369] Just non -sequiters that mean nothing to life.

[370] Well, please, they're the best.

[371] They're the best.

[372] They're the best.

[373] Did I do my avocado bit?

[374] It's not really a bit.

[375] I don't think so, but I just said avocado.

[376] In the middle of my notes, it's two.

[377] On your note, it says avocado, and Sona wants, you know, Sona's hungry, she wants to hear about avocado.

[378] That is when I most feel like a first world prick is when I'm at, you know, a big grocery store and there's a wall of avocados and I'm really getting mad that they're not ripe.

[379] You know, God damn it, there's like a thousand avocatatat stupid, right, you know.

[380] And then you go up to the front and they go, would you like to help the children today?

[381] You ever get that one when you're at the cashier?

[382] Everyone's looking.

[383] How are you supposed to answer that?

[384] Not really.

[385] Not today.

[386] Why didn't they need so much help?

[387] And we're from another time.

[388] Do you carry your little, you know, whole foods bag?

[389] Because I don't have the biodegradable bag.

[390] So they always go, would you like a bag?

[391] And you've got to buy it new every time.

[392] And I go, look, no, I don't need a bag.

[393] I used to be a juggler.

[394] I'll just take my 19 items and get to the car.

[395] I need a bag.

[396] And then it's like the groceries are $98 and they're arguing over.

[397] How many bags is he getting?

[398] I don't know.

[399] Could be two.

[400] It's 20 cents versus 90.

[401] You know, he's going for three.

[402] He's going for three bags.

[403] What the fuck is going on?

[404] You bought $140.

[405] $140, which is nine avocados at Whole Foods.

[406] You know, people now are complaining.

[407] My wife today was complaining about Whole Foods and saying, ever since Amazon.

[408] Got it.

[409] I don't know.

[410] It's not the same old Whole Foods.

[411] And I'm thinking to myself, what do you mean?

[412] It's still got almond milk and oat milk and stuff that shouldn't be milk.

[413] What's the, what is, what is, what is, I don't.

[414] I don't know that, but I talk about white people problems.

[415] That is something that a certain kind of white person is complaining about these days, which is not the same whole food since Amazon bought it.

[416] I'll see a group of young attractive people with smartphones with their Starbucks out in the street.

[417] It's just like the world.

[418] It's so stupid.

[419] I hate it.

[420] It's so dark.

[421] It's so stupid.

[422] God damn it.

[423] Am I doing AOC?

[424] I don't even know.

[425] I don't know.

[426] The world is we have 12 years and cows are farting.

[427] And planes are bad.

[428] It's like a cottage industry to me. If you think of the channels on the left in Fox News, how they'll just show clips of the other show.

[429] There should be just each channel, we just show Sean Hannity, and they just show Rachel Maddow.

[430] Like the entire hour is just, can you believe what they said, let's take a look?

[431] Let's take a 55 -minute look at what Rachel Maddow did.

[432] I think they hang out.

[433] Don't they hang out at a bar all, you know, Anderson Cooper and Tucker Carlson?

[434] You always know Tarca Carlson thinks he's landed at a point When he giggles at the end Well he said it's completely stupid He's a lepricon They found some gold Well he's like a little lepricot How could I do it a loo Okay I'll let you guys pick Either talk a box or Talka Box godfather or What's Taco Box?

[435] That was that Taco Box is basically in the essence About how the testosterone -driven male will always, you know, take new technology and pervert it.

[436] So probably the first telegraph was like, do -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -send medicine to Dodge City.

[437] The second one was, what are you wearing?

[438] So, and obviously, Anthony Wiener would have had no capacity to take dickpicks if that technology, he would just have been a guy naked with a raincoat in Central Park.

[439] We opened it.

[440] So then I thought phones essentially came into the home, maybe around 1910, there might be one in the house, and I thought the man, Paul, the frontier man would go to town, and maybe at one point, some man decided to attempt phone sex with his frontier wife back at the house.

[441] So it's kind of like, Hello, Ma.

[442] Oh, wait, first to be...

[443] Copy to get me line on a 4 -775.

[444] Hello, Ma, it's Pa. Paul, what are you doing, calling me jibba -japping for an old South Asian?

[445] I got 17 kids to attend, too.

[446] I knew these old fangled taco boxes be up to no good.

[447] Well, Ma, these tuck -a -boxes are kind of fun.

[448] See, I'm at the Five and Diem and had a Sasparilla.

[449] Paul, what are you gibber -japping about?

[450] Well, Ma, there was a lady -manichin in the window.

[451] Who cares about a lady -manican in the window, Paul?

[452] Well, the lady -manicant was wearing nothing but a run to things.

[453] And got a man of thinking, Ma.

[454] Thinking about what?

[455] Well, I wondered what kind of underpanties you got on today.

[456] Few what is.

[457] Well, you have on those cart of spanking briefs, or those calico print pannaloons I got you in Dodge City last year Oh, you've lost your mind Now bring back the bacon and the eggs and the beans Get your bottom here as soon as part Well no worry ma 'am while you're on your high horse I satisfy myself By the end of this newfangled tech box And scene Curtin down Ladies and gentlemen I love that Well so the ones that make me happier Got a man of thinking And the car to spanky brief So are those calico print panaloons I got you in Dodge City last year So those two things make me my brain happy.

[458] And she was in no way aroused.

[459] I love that.

[460] That was the part I liked.

[461] Didn't get it at all.

[462] Yeah.

[463] Oh, you and your crumpling.

[464] My crumply dumpli umpli.

[465] Um, there's other ones.

[466] Godfather.

[467] Yeah.

[468] What's the Godfather all about?

[469] Godfather was, because I got a couple extra dollars that I'm happy to do it, but I have an extended family that if someone needs help, I'm there to help, which I'm happy to do it.

[470] I'm not a material unless I have extra money.

[471] America was good to me. Probably a little resentful, but we'll explore that on another shot.

[472] So my wife one time quipped, hey, you're like the Godfather.

[473] So it was like, you know, so then I just...

[474] Okay, what can I do for you, my son?

[475] A Godfather, we live in a Sherman Oaks.

[476] We'd like to add a newer bathroom to our house.

[477] Bathrooms can be very expensive.

[478] We'd like a hardwood floor, a dual vanities, a cloth foot tub, and a steam of shower.

[479] This is very expensive.

[480] This is what I'm prepared to do.

[481] I'll get you home before a single vanity.

[482] You keep your tub, no steam shrap.

[483] I get out of my sight.

[484] Thank you, Godfather.

[485] I love that that guy lives in Sherman Oaks, too.

[486] Okay, bring in the next one.

[487] I got father, we have a grand of children.

[488] We want to take them to Lake Tahoe, but we got no watercraft.

[489] Oh, kids like boats.

[490] We think of buy a wave runner.

[491] How expensive is a wave runner.

[492] $12 ,000 a dollar That's a very expensive Here's what I'm prepared to do I get through a rubber dinghy You get a bungee cord and in a tube You paddle kids are having fun I get out of my sight Dang you, Godfather Last one The Godfather Our daughters We try to get them into USC But nobody take their applications Oh You help me out with a bambino problem I can help you well did they do a sport they don't do the athletics godfather please we got to give them into USC let's put in the row let's put them on the machine take a picture I know a guy who knows a guy I can maybe three five hundred thousand to grease the palm and the kids are going to New York saying thank you my why are these Italian immigrants they have such sophisticated needs Why do they have Italian accents?

[493] I don't know.

[494] I don't know.

[495] I love it.

[496] I love it.

[497] It's the stuff that, yeah.

[498] It's something that makes your brain happy.

[499] It makes me very happy.

[500] I want everybody to think about it.

[501] Because remember when I did your show, I got Andy to laugh really hard at Jimmy Carter going insane.

[502] Because I talk about all the presidents going insane.

[503] And now Jimmy Carter had a nervous breakdown right at the end of his presidency.

[504] And he literally is a peanut butter farmer.

[505] Yeah.

[506] So he had a bad of peanut butter.

[507] and smear it on his head and he would walk around.

[508] And he's upset that he lost the election.

[509] He lost the election.

[510] Yeah.

[511] And he just went a little ballistic the last few months and he would rub it on his head and wander around the White House at night and the staff would go, are you okay, Mr. President?

[512] I'm okay.

[513] Well, you got peanut butter on your hair.

[514] No, I don't.

[515] No, I don't.

[516] I don't got peanut butter my hair.

[517] I got peanut butter hair.

[518] Are you okay, sir?

[519] I'm fine with my peanut butter hair.

[520] I'm a peanut butter man. You know, I'm a peanut butter president and a peanut butter man. I got a peanut butter tie, a peanut butter belt, pants and peanut butter shoes I drive a peanut butter car a peanut butter car I brush with a peanut butter peanut butter brush a peanut butter man a peanut butter car a peanut butter so that was oh my god oh my god I know and it's and so was this again if I were to knock on your door let's say I was to walk up to your door in your apartment here in Los Angeles and you were there alone is this what I'd be here and like a peanut butter man well this case so everyone doesn't think I'm insane I was in Dallas going down to play Houston.

[521] All the presidents were there for some big event.

[522] And so I had a flight of fancy that they would just ditch Jimmy Carter.

[523] So it was the idea of Bush, Senior, Jr., Obama, and W. were in the room, you know?

[524] And it's like, hey, you guys, this is Jimmy Carter, can I come in?

[525] You're like, hey, stay quiet.

[526] Well, that's okay, Jimmy.

[527] Nothing's going on in here.

[528] You don't want to come in.

[529] Well, I'd like to come in and hang out with you guys.

[530] Well, we'll be out in a bit.

[531] We're just kind of cruising down here, having fun.

[532] Yeah, we're just, we're drawn up a map the Middle East or something.

[533] Yep, we can't.

[534] We don't know the time.

[535] Get you in here.

[536] Remember another time.

[537] We can't do it now.

[538] dazzle, dazzle, dazzle, dazzle, dazzle, dazzle, dazzle, dazzle, dazzle, dazzle.

[539] So that was where Jimmy Carter came from, and then I had him having a nervous breakdown.

[540] This is the final episode.

[541] Final episode of our six miniseries run, with Dana Carvey and...

[542] Experimental?

[543] I don't know about you.

[544] This is just a blast for me. This is a blast.

[545] I hope you're having fun.

[546] Oh, totally.

[547] I, you know, because it was six episodes, I'm like, well, we run out, but I know that it's a bottomless pit.

[548] It's, yes.

[549] Especially with looping around and coming around and...

[550] Where there's a bottomless pit of need, there's a bottomless pit of comedy.

[551] That's something I find out about myself a long time ago.

[552] And I think it applies to both of us.

[553] Can't we ever declare victory and just sit on top of the mountain?

[554] No. No, we have to be quasi -tortures, our whole...

[555] Yes, we do.

[556] Really?

[557] That's the one thing therapists don't get.

[558] Therapists are like, you can be happy and still be funny.

[559] I'm out of here, and I'm not paying you anymore.

[560] I feel like I have such a reservoir of neuroses and, you know, anger and sadness and needs to be filtered through the comedy that I'd like to be a little happier because It's a massive reservoir.

[561] I could never run out.

[562] So I'd like to get like 30 % happier.

[563] The good part is the part that I struggle with in life is that I don't blame you.

[564] I've never thought to myself, this is really Conan's fault.

[565] My problems.

[566] I've never thought to blame you.

[567] I mean, I don't know why you would in the first place.

[568] I'd be a random pick.

[569] But I just want to let you know.

[570] I have never thought, it's Conan.

[571] It's Conan.

[572] He's it.

[573] Yeah, that's it.

[574] He's the one.

[575] What's your name, mister?

[576] What you may. Conan.

[577] Conan O 'Brien.

[578] I don't know who that is.

[579] Wait, you're a guy with the podcast.

[580] I had a show first, and I still have the show.

[581] Yeah, whatever.

[582] All right, we're going to wrap this up.

[583] Let's see you.

[584] Thank you.

[585] Thank you, Soncerally, thank you.

[586] And I sincerely thank you for doing this.

[587] This is, if you asked me at any time in the last 20 years of my life, what would you most like to do?

[588] I might say, hey, what about a situation where I'm in a room with Dana and we have microphones and I just get to have the time of my life with him so God bless Dana Carvey and let's maybe in the future there's a chance for us to do more.

[589] I'm grateful that this platform exists so that people if they care they're listening in and seeing us more organically being the way we are and I think that's really a gift that's the best part.

[590] Yeah so it's I like that and I like the fact that there's really good sushi about a five minute walk from where we're taping this right now.

[591] Every time I do comedy with you, there's usually a meal component.

[592] Even if I've already, even if I ate a half a ham right before I came up.

[593] You can't turn down, Conan gets so sad eyes.

[594] We're going to wrap it up there.

[595] I was kidding.

[596] He was always brilliant.

[597] I like that nice guy and his ideas.

[598] All right, Dana Carvey.

[599] We'll see you soon.

[600] See you soon.

[601] La -di -da.

[602] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend with Sonam of Sessian and Conan O 'Brien as himself.

[603] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[604] Executive produced by Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Chris Bannon and Colin Anderson at Earwolf.

[605] Special thanks to Jack White for the theme song.

[606] Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

[607] Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and the show is engineered by Will Bechton.

[608] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review featured on a future episode.

[609] Got a question for Conan?

[610] Call the Team Coco hotline at 3 -251, 2 .51, 2821 and leave a message.

[611] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[612] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts or wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

[613] This has been a team Coco production in association with Earwolf.

[614] Thank you.