Kurtwood Smith

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert.

[1] I'm Frito McNamara.

[2] I'm joined by Monaster.

[3] Is that his last name?

[4] No, I just made that up.

[5] That would not be his last name.

[6] I think it's kind of ironic.

[7] Like, there's something interesting there if that's his last name.

[8] Because McNamara, you have the famous McNamara, who was the statetician.

[9] There was a great documentary, The Fog of War.

[10] Have you ever seen that doc?

[11] I think it won the Academy Award.

[12] Phenomenal.

[13] Oh.

[14] About Robert McNamara, maybe?

[15] Yeah.

[16] Yeah.

[17] He was a statetician.

[18] and that came to work for the Nixon, maybe administration during Vietnam, maybe even before Nixon, but he was heavily involved in the Vietnam War and very bizarre lens by which he saw it through.

[19] Anyways, that's not what we're here to talk about, is it, Monica?

[20] It's not.

[21] Curway doesn't deserve that.

[22] I want to talk about Kurt Wood Smith.

[23] I have a love for him that I, well, I hope you can hear during the interview, but he's one of a handful of men I just really fell in love with him my life.

[24] Yes.

[25] Like, I worked with them, and I just felt like I connected on a soul level.

[26] But I don't know.

[27] He's such a beautiful man. I love him so much.

[28] Yeah.

[29] I mean, I love him.

[30] Kurt Wood Smith, you know him.

[31] He was the dad on the 70s show.

[32] Yes.

[33] He was also in my absolute favorite television show of perhaps all -time Patriot.

[34] Yes.

[35] And he steals a show that's unstealable.

[36] Everyone is so brilliant on Patriot.

[37] And Kurtwood is just half of the things you hear me say.

[38] I've stolen our lines of his.

[39] I constantly repeat.

[40] Yeah.

[41] We let it fucking wrap.

[42] We have him do a reading in this.

[43] If you're a fan of Patriot, boy, you're going to be hard as a rock during this.

[44] This is a very lucky turn of events that we do get him to read one of his most famous speeches from that.

[45] Also, he was on the ranch, which I was on Robocop, Dead Poet Society.

[46] And of course, he is on the new hit show, that 90s show on Netflix.

[47] Big mega hit.

[48] So happy for him.

[49] They're coming back and doing a bunch more.

[50] Couldn't be more delighted.

[51] Please enjoy my friend, Kurtwood Smith.

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[54] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[55] This is my friend, Kurtwood.

[56] So nice to meet you.

[57] Do you need a coffee or anything?

[58] Yeah, would you like a coffee?

[59] Sure.

[60] Great, sure.

[61] I thought you would.

[62] I know.

[63] It's a good time to cap.

[64] It's not so much that I like coffee.

[65] I just like free things.

[66] Oh, God.

[67] Do you want some ovennails?

[68] Do you want some snow caps?

[69] That's a beautiful raven.

[70] I'm obsessed with crows.

[71] And Rob had this commission for me for Christmas.

[72] Oh.

[73] And it has little cherries on the tree, too, because armcheree, armcheries.

[74] People who listen to the show.

[75] are called arm cherries.

[76] All right, Rob, good word.

[77] You know, it's always so hard to tell ravens from crows.

[78] Are they different even?

[79] They're both corvids.

[80] I got a book on them.

[81] Yeah?

[82] Yeah, they're all corvids.

[83] Ravens are bigger and have a...

[84] They can be bluer.

[85] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[86] Yeah, they can be kind of a more of a bluish.

[87] Oh.

[88] But it's funny, I think if you go continent to continent, sometimes the crows are bigger than the ravens and then vice versa.

[89] I got a book on them.

[90] And I thought, oh, I love crows.

[91] and I love Ravens, and so I need to learn everything about them.

[92] And then when I got this book, I realized, no, I just like watching them do shit.

[93] I'm like, I don't really want to know all this stuff.

[94] I got like two chapters in.

[95] I'm like, what am I trying to be an ornithologist or something?

[96] Right, yeah, kind of that way, too.

[97] I have a bunch of little paperbacks on Ravens that my wife gave me. Because you two are interested in them?

[98] Because I'm interested in them, but not enough.

[99] Yeah, great book.

[100] What is it you like about them?

[101] They make tools and stuff, you know?

[102] It's amazing.

[103] and they remember people's faces.

[104] And they're appreciative.

[105] If you feed them, they bring you gifts.

[106] There's a great little doc about this girl who's been feeding them up in Seattle since she was like six years old and she's now 15 and she just has cases of little presents they bring all kinds of shiny trinkets they find all over the city.

[107] They come bring them to her and she gets her box out and they know that she likes them.

[108] I mean, it's wild.

[109] They're not just the smartest bird, but they're among the smartest animals, period.

[110] Yeah, they're the one of only three that used as tools.

[111] they can do an eight -step problem -solving thing to get a treat.

[112] Like, they can put a coin in the thing, then pull the lever, then push this in, then walk, you know, it's incredible.

[113] That's amazing.

[114] What are the other two animals?

[115] Champs and us.

[116] What about dolphins?

[117] Dolphins are incredibly smart.

[118] I just are saying the tools thing.

[119] Oh, the tools.

[120] Yeah.

[121] I guess it's how you want to evaluate it, but they say that the orca, the killer whale, is the animal that has the highest neocortex to body mass ratio, which is supposed to predict intelligence.

[122] and it's even greater than ours.

[123] Whoa.

[124] So what have they not been telling us?

[125] Exactly.

[126] Exactly.

[127] When are they going to make little suits down there that they can come out of the water and start hanging me?

[128] But I got to add a layer with the crows, which is they're not attractive, which I like.

[129] I go, okay, it's not the prettiest bird out there, but it's fucking clever and it's been successful from being clever.

[130] Have you been out of town?

[131] Every time I text you, You tend to be in Europe with your family.

[132] You gallivant around.

[133] Yeah, that was connected to Patriot because we shot the second season in Paris.

[134] They all came over for Christmas, and we just cruised around.

[135] Was it the greatest?

[136] Oh, it's the greatest.

[137] You have a daughter that's what?

[138] I have a daughter who is two, three years older than you.

[139] Really?

[140] Yeah.

[141] And I find that impossible to believe.

[142] My son's a couple years older than that.

[143] 50, 52.

[144] Yeah.

[145] Okay.

[146] You turned 80 this year?

[147] I do.

[148] How do you feel about that?

[149] I feel weird about it.

[150] I'd imagine.

[151] There's some things I go, hey, 80 years old, I'm still walking around, kind of, and I'm working.

[152] So that's good.

[153] And then on the other hand, it's just all the shit that's falling apart, you know?

[154] What's currently hitting the sticks?

[155] Oh, the back's real bad.

[156] Lower back, middle back, upper back?

[157] Lower back.

[158] And that was the whole thing with the 90s show.

[159] We did the first episode in my back just, boom, gone.

[160] While shooting.

[161] We took a couple of weeks off because it was the first episode.

[162] and Netflix wanted to see, and it was during that time.

[163] I've had a bad back since the 80s, but this time it was bad.

[164] Like, you can't get out of bed in the morning or you can't walk or all of it?

[165] Yeah, can't really walk without it hurting.

[166] You know, Tom Werner.

[167] Love Tom Warner.

[168] And Tom is also one of the owners of the Red Sox.

[169] So he said, hey, do you want me to contact the sports people and find out?

[170] And I said, yeah, sure.

[171] So he said, all right, go see the Swatkins over in Santa Monica.

[172] So I didn't.

[173] And I needed three spinal.

[174] Fusions.

[175] But they couldn't do that.

[176] The recovery time would have been too long.

[177] So they said, we'll do one, which should get you through the show.

[178] Oh, my goodness.

[179] How brutal is the first procedure?

[180] Is it rough?

[181] You know, here's the thing.

[182] You were in so much worse pain that this is better.

[183] But still, I couldn't walk without using a walker or a cane, which I had to do their show.

[184] A cane was not a part of it.

[185] It's certainly not a walker.

[186] So, oh, man. Oh, boy.

[187] We'd work out the blocking, and it would be, I've got three steps.

[188] Then I can lean on the counter, move to the table, you know.

[189] So you're planning out all your choices, virtually how to get the weight off your back.

[190] Oh, that's rough.

[191] It was rough, because I look at it now and that's all I see.

[192] Oh, when you see it?

[193] One piece of furniture to another hand.

[194] You know, I just watched them yesterday, though, in preparation for this.

[195] Would have never, ever noticed that.

[196] Yeah.

[197] I mean, only you're seeing that for sure.

[198] How's the hit on the ego to be using a walker?

[199] I feel like that would be rough for me. It's bad.

[200] I never used a walker in public.

[201] I used one around the house just because it's easier and less painful than using a cane even.

[202] So I was kind of that way up until finally, with only two episodes to go, they had the neighbor lady run into me with a bicycle.

[203] And so then I could use a cane for the last door.

[204] Oh, they rode it in.

[205] Oh, wonderful.

[206] Yeah.

[207] Yeah.

[208] So anyway, then we did the surgery, did the other two, and it's just been gradually better all the time.

[209] But it's something I have to work at, you know.

[210] You're in physical therapy and stuff?

[211] I was in physical therapy, but I couldn't do physical therapy for six weeks.

[212] And then I had a hernia from the incision.

[213] Uh -huh.

[214] So I had to get that taken care of.

[215] And then it was like another six weeks, no physical therapy.

[216] So I was like, fuck, this is never going to happen.

[217] Really quick, not to get too morbid.

[218] But you're 80.

[219] I imagine being sidelined for six weeks here, six weeks there.

[220] It must feel different.

[221] Like, no, no, no, I'm not 20.

[222] Yeah.

[223] It's not cool if I take a summer off.

[224] You get anxious.

[225] I got to get on my feet while I still can, you know?

[226] Yes.

[227] And I also have a trainer, so he comes a couple times a week.

[228] It's better, but, you know.

[229] Yeah.

[230] They put you on HGH or testosterone or anything to help speed up recovery time or anything.

[231] No, I'm not really aware of that.

[232] Well, I do have a couple of friends.

[233] He's a lawyer.

[234] He's also a Valley kid, wrong side of the tracks, Recita, dirtbag.

[235] Hey, listen, I was a kid on the park.

[236] Wow.

[237] I don't want to include you further than recita.

[238] But he's my favorite guy.

[239] He's 74.

[240] He's like one of my best friends.

[241] And he had a knee replacement.

[242] I do believe for a minute they put him on that.

[243] You know, it just increases your recovery time and increases muscle mass, all this kind of stuff.

[244] It'll also increase cancer as tumors if you have them.

[245] So it's not like that.

[246] safest thing to be on, definitely.

[247] Wow.

[248] Okay, should we share our history?

[249] Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[250] I want to see if this is mutual.

[251] I have a hunch it is.

[252] We both do this movie called El Camino Christmas.

[253] I'm in a weird spot, by the way, in this moment.

[254] I've just spent two and a half years directing and writing a movie.

[255] It came out.

[256] It didn't do well.

[257] I'm regrouping like, oh, I thought I was going to be writing directing.

[258] Maybe I'm not going to do that.

[259] Not sure what I want to do.

[260] And Donofrio calls me and says, you and I are starting this movie in two weeks.

[261] And I go, okay.

[262] And I love Anofrio, so, sure.

[263] And I kind of show up and I just am going through a bunch.

[264] I'm dealing with the failure of this thing and one of these many eggs and flows of this experience in show business.

[265] And I'm kind of getting over my own ego of just being there and being of service to the thing.

[266] And slowly I'm like, this is nice.

[267] I don't have to worry about anything, really.

[268] And then in the course of this, I meet you.

[269] And I really just fall for you instantly.

[270] And we had so many scenes together.

[271] Who cares what the objective?

[272] Like, I just think, by God, that was an opportunity.

[273] to hang out with you for a few weeks.

[274] And I just adored you.

[275] And then I got to bump into you occasionally.

[276] Since that time on the ranch, we saw each other.

[277] And then we stay in touch, we text.

[278] But for whatever reason, these happened once every 10 movies, you just meet someone.

[279] You're like, I don't know why, but I just really like this person.

[280] The feeling was definitely mutual.

[281] You were quiet.

[282] And so now I can see why.

[283] Because normally, quiet is not how I first described Dax, you know.

[284] But you were kind of quiet.

[285] And I found out about your movie later.

[286] But you were so smart about the script and about what you were doing.

[287] And that's something that ranks high for me. Also, I knew you had this improv background, but it wasn't, you know, I worked with some of these guys who do improv a lot.

[288] And it seems like they always want to get rid of the script and start improvising.

[289] That only works if you're working with other guys who are also doing improv, you know?

[290] And everyone's telling the same story.

[291] And so I thought, well, this guy's great.

[292] So then we just started having fun.

[293] The characters were fun and the interaction between the two is fun.

[294] Ted kept saying, yeah, I want to do a series.

[295] You know, Netflix wants to use you guys.

[296] I was like, yeah, let's do it.

[297] Yes, yes, yes.

[298] I remember bumping in you in hearing that Ted had been saying that.

[299] I was like, oh, my God, yes, if we could play those two.

[300] It was such a fun dynamic because I'm playing a dipshit.

[301] And you've been exhausted by my dipshittery.

[302] It's just so fertile for anything to happen.

[303] Right.

[304] Yeah, every scene was you got to just play like, oh, my God, what was this guy doing now?

[305] That was great fun.

[306] My main problem with that movie was I couldn't figure.

[307] out really what the movie was about.

[308] I couldn't figure out who's the leads in this movie.

[309] You see the poster?

[310] You know who's in the front is you and me?

[311] Yes, yes, yes.

[312] So I thought, oh, I guess we were the leads and nobody told us.

[313] Here's another fun thing.

[314] Maybe you've had this before in the past, but meet Luke Grimes.

[315] He's the lead of that movie, and he's a very sweet kid.

[316] Just chat with him a little bit.

[317] And then I start watching Yellowstone.

[318] Have you seen Yellowstone?

[319] You know, I haven't.

[320] Well, he's the lead of that show.

[321] It's Kevin Costner, and then he's the other lead.

[322] He's tremendous.

[323] And he's like a bona fide star.

[324] And I'm watching this with Kristen.

[325] And I'm like, oh, my God, this is the sweet boy that was in that movie.

[326] And then I get his number from Donofrey.

[327] And I'm like, I'm so happy for you.

[328] Like, you're such a star.

[329] And then also, we do that thing.

[330] And I hadn't seen the 70s show.

[331] So it's like, I've known you for years as a character actor in movies I grew up with Robocop, Rambo 3.

[332] Like, I've been seeing you forever.

[333] but I didn't have the full awareness until Chris and I started Patriot.

[334] And so we're already friends.

[335] And I'm like, oh, my God, Kurtwood is a genius.

[336] In a show with everyone's phenomenal, I just can't wait for your scenes.

[337] And we just become the biggest fans of all time of that show.

[338] Monica will tell you, how often do I say, we let it fucking rip?

[339] Yeah.

[340] Oh, yeah.

[341] It's a common one.

[342] It's like I can't stop saying it ever since that soon.

[343] Another one, too.

[344] Oh, he's got tons.

[345] The breakfast beds.

[346] The whole spread.

[347] The whole fucking spread.

[348] Yep.

[349] Yes.

[350] That was a gift from the gods, that part, I'll tell you.

[351] Specifically, Steve Conrad.

[352] Here's my curiosity when you're making Patriot.

[353] And I tell people this when I recommend this show.

[354] I go, you're going to have to watch two or three episodes.

[355] You're going to be confused.

[356] You're like, is this a drama?

[357] Am I allowed to laugh?

[358] He just killed this nice man?

[359] And then once you learn the very, And the tone sets in, then it becomes just the funniest thing.

[360] I've watched it three times all the way through both seasons.

[361] Oh, yeah.

[362] And I'm going to do it again.

[363] So if it took that long to even understand the tone as a viewer, what was the experience like as an actor?

[364] Were you ever trying to figure out like, is this a drama?

[365] Was it at all hard to place it when you're on the inside of it?

[366] It seemed to me that it just kind of was there.

[367] He sent me the script.

[368] Was it the pilot of the whole series?

[369] There was a pilot, and I thought, this is great.

[370] This part is, in the first episode, he's just one of the antagonists, one of the guy's problems.

[371] One of many, yeah.

[372] I thought, but wow, what a good script.

[373] And so then they said, Steve wants to talk to you, and I said, okay, fine.

[374] So he said, listen, I want you to know that this character has a much bigger impact than it seems.

[375] I have real plans for him as it goes along.

[376] And I said, fine, done.

[377] I like this script so much.

[378] If you tell me that, I'll believe you, based on what.

[379] what else you've written.

[380] But you've been lied to at this point already now?

[381] Of course.

[382] Yeah.

[383] But usually you get lied to because the script is kind of rocky.

[384] In this case, it was already a really good script.

[385] Worst case, you have a small role in something great.

[386] Yeah.

[387] Or I just end up being kind of the antagonist.

[388] I didn't realize the heart of that character, how much of that was going to come out along with all the other stuff, you know?

[389] Yes.

[390] We shoot the pilot of Montreal and a couple of months go by, and then it gets picked up.

[391] And so he calls me one day and says, okay, I'm going to send you this second episode, and I just wanted to tell you, you have this speech in there, and I said, yeah, and he said, okay, I really don't want to shoot that in a one.

[392] Oh, my God.

[393] And I said, okay, and I hadn't seen it.

[394] And he said, it might be kind of tough.

[395] And I said, okay, we weren't starting for a while.

[396] So I look at the script, and I go, holy fuck.

[397] Yes, yes.

[398] In a one, because it doesn't mean any, none of this.

[399] And so I called him back and I said, does this actually mean anything?

[400] He said, no, no, no. He said, but I like the way the words work together.

[401] And I said, okay, great.

[402] So it took me a month.

[403] Every morning I would spend an hour or so on that speech.

[404] That's really the moment where you understand the show.

[405] Oh, this is a different level of funny.

[406] Yes.

[407] For people who haven't seen it yet, I assume everyone will be intrigued to go check it out.

[408] But I have printed out that speech.

[409] Oh, is this the reading?

[410] Yes, because I don't think you saying this is hard to memorize means anything unless you were to hear this.

[411] And I guess let me set up by saying they work at a piping company.

[412] And you've written an incredible book, a textbook.

[413] You're a genius.

[414] You've written the dynamic of flow, right?

[415] That's right.

[416] That's right.

[417] The structural dynamics of flow.

[418] So there's all this fake pseudo -scientific, pseudo -engineering jibber -jabber, and it's all completely fake.

[419] So it can't be learned.

[420] Honestly, learning this speech would be like if I just randomly selected a thousand words from the dictionary and put them together.

[421] You can't even begin to make sense of it in your head.

[422] Right.

[423] Did you have a trick for it?

[424] Like, did you string together?

[425] Yes.

[426] Because sometimes they'll do acronyms in like weird spots.

[427] I created a sense for myself.

[428] so that I knew what I was saying, even though it didn't make any sense.

[429] You know, in my head, it was something.

[430] Do we need to explain to people what a one is?

[431] Generally, when you're watching a movie or a TV show, please introduce yourself, my love.

[432] You just walk in.

[433] Get over there and give him a hug.

[434] You said, get up.

[435] I know, yeah, get over there.

[436] Stay, stay, see.

[437] I'm going to hug you from a distance.

[438] No, no. Oh, you have a little call.

[439] Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[440] I have one of those elementary school heads.

[441] Like your vest hoodie, hoodie vest.

[442] It's a good hoodie vest.

[443] So, yeah, a Wanner is, like, generally when you're watching, it starts with a very wide shot, and you're going to see all eight characters in this conference room.

[444] And then they're going to go, and they're going to show you a close -up of the person talking, and they're going to show different angles so that when you have a really long speech and it's impossible, you're going to be helped out by the editing.

[445] They might be able to put three or four takes together to build this entire thing.

[446] But as Conrad has told you, this must happen in a Wanner.

[447] I didn't even recognize that aspect, hon. That it was in a oneer, that speech.

[448] And that Conrad told him.

[449] That was the most obvious part.

[450] Astounding things about it was that it was a winner.

[451] Okay.

[452] Okay, I'm going to hand this to you.

[453] Oh, wait.

[454] No, you read it.

[455] Oh, you just know you got it.

[456] You got to read it in your voice.

[457] Oh, man. You would hear action, and there's no cutting.

[458] There's no tricks.

[459] Sell them on the structure.

[460] You can talk about it with confidence.

[461] Keep it simple.

[462] A little something like this, John.

[463] Hey, let me walk you through the Donnelly, nut spacing and crack system, rim -riding, rip configuration.

[464] Using a field of half -sea sprats and brass -fitted nickel slits, our bracketed caps and splay -flex brace columns, vent dampers to dampening hatch depths of one -half meter from the damper crown to the spur of plinths.

[465] How?

[466] Well, we bolster 12 husk nuts to each girdle -jury while flex tandem press a task apparatus of 10 vertically composited patch hamplers.

[467] Then pin flam fastened pan traps at both maiden apexes of the gym joint.

[468] A little something like that.

[469] The maiden apexes of the gym choice.

[470] I have to say we first showed this film at the Berlin Film Festival, and that speech got a standing ovation.

[471] Is it?

[472] Is it good?

[473] That was a whole boy, talk about an ego boost.

[474] It was also like, yeah, it was worth all that fucking pounding my head on Jim, what is it?

[475] Jim Joyce, buttress, maiden, apex.

[476] Pam plasmers.

[477] Did you nail out the first time out?

[478] Yeah, but the camera didn't.

[479] Oh, no. It was jiggly.

[480] So we did another one.

[481] That was it, though.

[482] We only did too.

[483] Which I told him ahead of time, I said, you know, this is not going to be.

[484] get better as it goes around.

[485] It will get worse.

[486] And he said, okay, got it.

[487] Oh, my God.

[488] Well, I think I text you the moment after I watched that scene.

[489] And I was like, okay, I'm in bed with my wife.

[490] How on earth did you memorize that scene?

[491] And you said I had a month of practicing it.

[492] Can you imagine if you had been in a schedule where like you had gotten that on Friday, the script came out and you were expected to shoot that on Monday?

[493] That would be unrealistic to say the least.

[494] He told me a story, though, he had tried to do this with another actor.

[495] He was the star of the movie.

[496] It wasn't this exact same set up.

[497] It was the same idea.

[498] But he gave it to him like a month ahead of time, six weeks, whatever it was.

[499] And every once in a while I'd say, how are you coming on that speech, by the way?

[500] Oh, yeah, no problem.

[501] And he said, because I really wanted to do something.

[502] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[503] And he said, he knew he wasn't working on that.

[504] And he said, sure enough, came to shoot that scene.

[505] The guy's still in his trailer.

[506] Come on.

[507] So finally, the director said, we can't do it.

[508] I don't want.

[509] And did they bring in an earpiece?

[510] I've seen that happen.

[511] I think they just shot it the way you described they would normally shoot.

[512] Yeah, maybe some visual aids.

[513] Yeah, teleprompter or something.

[514] Teleprompter.

[515] The Brando's dial right here, put toastits on people's forehead.

[516] See that picture?

[517] Yeah, there is one, right?

[518] Oh, Duval.

[519] Yeah, Godfather.

[520] Yeah.

[521] It's just ridiculous.

[522] Duval is like a sandwich board.

[523] Oh, so you could read the line.

[524] All of Randos's lines from the Godfather.

[525] Yeah.

[526] To act with him.

[527] was to have his lines taped to you.

[528] But I will say this.

[529] Have you worked with Downey, Robert Downey?

[530] I have.

[531] Okay, great.

[532] What did you guys do?

[533] Oh, were you an Iron Man?

[534] No. No, no. This was a long time ago.

[535] It was a film called True Believer.

[536] I watched him interview once.

[537] I got to do a movie with him.

[538] And I saw in this interview, he was saying, look, I've done all the versions.

[539] I became Charlie Chaplin.

[540] I was method.

[541] I lived Charlie Chaplin.

[542] And I did that and that worked.

[543] And then I've come to a more.

[544] an approach that's just chaos, which is, I don't know what I'm going to say until I hear it in my head.

[545] And he has the earpiece.

[546] I would have originally been skeptical of that.

[547] Like, I think that's just laziness.

[548] But if you're looking at someone, it's like Picasso, he already painted correctly, and now he's doing cubism.

[549] And I was acting with Downey, and he has the earpiece in.

[550] That, to me, is almost more impressive because he's also improvving, and he's completely emotionally there and available.

[551] And he's incredible.

[552] And I go, who am I to say anything like that?

[553] I can't do what this guy does.

[554] And he's juggling all the things, and it's working perfectly.

[555] So who knows?

[556] The other thing I did with him, he was a guy who had ghosts that followed him around for most of his life.

[557] And so when you did a scene with him, there was also four other actors standing around him that I didn't see.

[558] Because his mother gave birth to him on a bus and then died and everybody else in the bus got killed or something.

[559] And so those ghosts then were taken care of.

[560] We're with him forever.

[561] And you then had to ignore the other people.

[562] Yeah.

[563] It was fun.

[564] I talked to him about Charlie Chaplin.

[565] He had already done that.

[566] Yes, he had done that, but he wasn't in the earwig bit.

[567] Yeah.

[568] Does he talk about it?

[569] So did he like that?

[570] That was his favorite then?

[571] That's what he likes now.

[572] He said that I've tried extra prepared and I've tried completely unprepared and I prefer unprepared.

[573] And I like a sense of chaos in the scene.

[574] I like that slight feeling of I'm falling.

[575] and looking for my footing.

[576] But see, I feel that way all the time.

[577] Do you have a preference?

[578] Do you like to have it pretty mapped out and to go according to plan?

[579] That's usually my goal is to be prepared so that when everything goes sideways, at least you're wearing skates.

[580] But there's a lot to be said of not being totally prepared and just going with it.

[581] Yeah, I think maybe even sometimes in the moment, it's certainly scarier.

[582] But I guess when I see it, I'm often really delighted that the take that made it was the one some accident happened and everyone really responded and some weird magic thing happens that's caught.

[583] And I think when I directed, I was always aspiring to have a little bit of a corral, but then also having kind of elements where things were actually happening.

[584] But it's a preference.

[585] I mean, some people love it.

[586] Yeah.

[587] And assuming that you're working with other actors in the scene, you've got to have some real trust in them as well, or at least have some idea where they're coming from.

[588] But what happens, especially if you're doing a series, you get these rewrites at the last minute.

[589] So it often happens that you only know half a scene and you're shooting it and hoping the rest comes when it's supposed to.

[590] And there's something kind of exciting about that.

[591] I have to go get our children.

[592] I love you.

[593] I do too.

[594] Being able to witness that.

[595] Leslie, the whole fucking spread.

[596] The whole spread.

[597] Breakfast spreads.

[598] The whole spread.

[599] Thank you for letting me listen.

[600] It's nice to see you.

[601] So first I hear that speech of yours and I am merely texting you.

[602] And I almost hit you the other night.

[603] It was just before we were booking this.

[604] I was watching the dropout.

[605] Had no idea you were even going to pop up in that.

[606] And then, of course, you come up in it.

[607] And immediately, you're my favorite part of it.

[608] And I just love it.

[609] And I can't wait to see you with this lawyer.

[610] When's he going to turn on these people?

[611] But the other thing I was curious was there's some scenes between you and another character, Tom.

[612] And whenever you guys talk, you 100 % of the time start the sentence with the other person's first name.

[613] It's a patriot.

[614] Yeah, Patriot.

[615] And I did ask you, was that crazy?

[616] And you said, yes, that was insane?

[617] That was, plus, I was shooting with Terrio Quinn, who's become one of my best friends.

[618] That makes me so happy.

[619] So about halfway through the series, all of a sudden, we started getting these scenes together because Steve looked at it and went, boom, yes.

[620] You know, let's throw scenes over here.

[621] Let's put these two in a robo.

[622] Then he started with the name business.

[623] There's a scene that we have at the beginning of this second season.

[624] And it's every line.

[625] Every single line starts, you know, with the other person's name.

[626] Yeah.

[627] And it seems almost like a bit, like an acting lesson.

[628] Exactly, like a game.

[629] And you got to make it work.

[630] Yeah.

[631] It can be tough making it work because people don't do that.

[632] You know?

[633] Yes, Kurt would they do not.

[634] I got the whole interview should have been that.

[635] Oh my God.

[636] That's the ultimate nod.

[637] Have you ever been being sold something, though?

[638] And I am always astounded that salespeople will use your name nearly every time they start.

[639] And then I get conscious of it.

[640] And then inside, I'm just giggling up a storm.

[641] And I'm like, because I also imagine when they're saying my name in particular, it sounds like they've been saying Dax for years.

[642] Even for them, it must sound a little clunky.

[643] Right.

[644] The eighth time, Rex.

[645] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[646] What's up, guys?

[647] It's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[648] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[649] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and bright.

[650] Okay, every episode I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[651] And I don't mean just friends.

[652] I mean the likes of Amy Poehler, Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[653] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[654] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[655] We've all been there.

[656] Turning to the internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers and strange rashes.

[657] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

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[659] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[660] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

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[664] Can we go back to childhood a little bit?

[665] Sure.

[666] You were a little baby.

[667] You were brought home in 1943 to Wisconsin.

[668] How long did you live there?

[669] Till I was 10.

[670] And your father died in World War II?

[671] Yeah.

[672] So had you met him?

[673] No. He got your mother pregnant, went off to war, and died in Europe.

[674] Oh, my goodness.

[675] And they'd only been married.

[676] for a few months and had only met a few months before that.

[677] As was common in World War II.

[678] Yeah, well, he was a pilot.

[679] So he was going through some specialty training that was happening at this Camp Douglas, which is an area near the little town, New Lisbon, that my mother lived in, and she was working at the bank.

[680] This is like one of the many movies I've seen of this era.

[681] Yeah, you need a gal.

[682] You want to get married before they send you off and you want to start a family because you might not come back.

[683] They always come back in this case, no. Was she devastated or was the relationship so new that she was able to get over?

[684] Well, hard for me to know.

[685] My stepdad came into the situation, certainly not right away or anything like that, but when I was probably like four years old or something.

[686] So all your memories are of him being around.

[687] Yeah.

[688] Was he a good stepdad?

[689] Yes.

[690] He was a good guy.

[691] He was a good man. I'm not sure how close our relationship was when I was a kid.

[692] I used a lot of him for Red Foreman.

[693] And it comes from the same place.

[694] These dads that went through war and all that, and they got this kid, and they want this kid to be ready for this fucking world.

[695] Of course, what happens with all those dads is sort of a similar thing of the father and dead poet's society is that the world has changed.

[696] So the dad is preparing you for a world that he experienced 10 years ago.

[697] I have to fight that urge.

[698] Did you as a parent?

[699] Yeah.

[700] Yeah.

[701] Yeah, I'm from Detroit suburb in the 80s.

[702] I think these kids need to know how to handle a knife.

[703] Like, I think they need to be so ready to defend themselves, and I have to check myself and go like, no, they have a lovely life.

[704] They're going to have a lovely life.

[705] I don't need to pass all this crap on, but it's tempting because you're nervous for them.

[706] You don't want them to ever be hurt, so you want them to be tough.

[707] I think for a man and a son, it's even harder.

[708] He gave me a bayonet one day, and I'm probably like 11 or something.

[709] And he says, all right, I want you to take this bayonet, and it's his bayonet from the war.

[710] And I want you to get every fucking piece of crabgrass out of this goddamn yard by the time I get home.

[711] I go, okay.

[712] Well, it's a crabgrass lawn, you know.

[713] Right.

[714] I mean, he comes home at 5 o 'clock and I move, you know, probably about three feet on the lawn that I've done all day.

[715] He wanted you to rototilla with a bayonet.

[716] He just wanted me to work.

[717] Yeah.

[718] Yeah.

[719] He had been to World War II and returned.

[720] Yeah, he was in the artillery infantry.

[721] What brought everyone to L .A.?

[722] They had come out here on their honeymoon, and they grew up in this little town.

[723] They want to get out there and do stuff.

[724] And his brother was out here.

[725] So they just packed us up and put us in the old 49 Ford.

[726] You drove across from Wisconsin, in a 49 Ford, 48 miles an hour over the mountains.

[727] And what did they do for work in Canoga Park?

[728] He was a milkman.

[729] And then later on, worked for Schlitz, a manager of the production line sort of thing.

[730] And were you very excited to be moving to California?

[731] Not necessarily.

[732] The weather didn't appeal to you?

[733] Didn't you have like some kind of 50s surf culture, fantasy or anything?

[734] Here's what I knew about the rest of the world.

[735] I knew what was between New Lisbon, Wisconsin and Shreveport, Louisiana.

[736] Because we would go to Shreveport to visit my father's family because the family wanted to see the little, yeah, we wanted to see Little Kurt Wood.

[737] So we would go down there.

[738] And then she got to sort of just sending me down there by myself.

[739] The first time I went to Shreveport, it's unbelievably hot and humid.

[740] And I had never experienced this because I'd been down there as a baby, but I didn't remember.

[741] You know, I was like, why have my parents sent me to hell?

[742] It's a Hades.

[743] Oh, God.

[744] In the 50s, whites only drinking.

[745] Oh, boy.

[746] It was a different world for me. So going to L .A., I didn't know what L .A. was going to L .A. was going to be like, but if, you know, Shreveport was any example of what the rest of the world was, I was, I was like, yeah.

[747] Were you looking around thinking, oh, well, we're in California, maybe I'll act?

[748] No, no, no, that all came later.

[749] Although when I was first there, we lived in Culver City in an apartment until we moved out to Conoco Park, and I would walk by the front of MGM every day.

[750] Oh, really?

[751] On my way to Lavalona Elementary School.

[752] Were you enchanted by it?

[753] That was pretty cool.

[754] I mean, you know, I love movies.

[755] So going by a place where they actually made them.

[756] And from our apartment, you could see some of the back lot.

[757] And see some productions going out?

[758] Yeah, well, you know, not quite that good.

[759] But you see sets and stuff, you know, so that was kind of neat.

[760] Well, first of all, you were the president of your high school.

[761] Class president.

[762] I was vice president.

[763] Okay, vice president.

[764] I know it's wrong in Wikipedia.

[765] Okay.

[766] Much of it is.

[767] Student body vice president.

[768] That's what I was.

[769] Okay.

[770] So you're popular, I would imagine.

[771] I used to narrate assembly.

[772] Okay.

[773] Oh, God.

[774] Here we go.

[775] That's what we're here for.

[776] I thought that I could play basketball.

[777] You know, when you're a kid, you play with all your friends in the street.

[778] And so you think, oh, I'm pretty good with my friends playing basketball or football or whatever.

[779] So I thought I would get on the team.

[780] Sure, sure.

[781] I went out there.

[782] So I was on the team for about two weeks.

[783] And then they went, you're not on the team.

[784] If you were on one of the teams, you had last period P .E. So they said, we're going to put you in second period P .E. and that speech class is going to get moved to the last period.

[785] Well, when I went to the speech class, and I discovered it was the same thing in a way, because it was the tournament group, the debate people and the oral interpretation people and all that.

[786] So it was kind of like pick something.

[787] I just didn't like the idea of debate.

[788] So I started doing oral interp.

[789] So then I ended up narrating assemblies.

[790] But I didn't do acting class.

[791] Then I went to college.

[792] I didn't know what I wanted to do.

[793] My family gave me no choice.

[794] Either run away or go to college.

[795] Right, right.

[796] So I went to college.

[797] I went to San Jose State.

[798] And I was there, and I thought, this is not working.

[799] First of all, I just didn't have any interest.

[800] I was majoring in sociology or something.

[801] And I had really no interest in it.

[802] And I was failing, which my roommate pointed out to me every day.

[803] Get out of bed, man. You're flunking out.

[804] In the second semester, I thought, okay, I'll take this acting class.

[805] Since I did that oral turp stuff, well, I did one scene.

[806] And it was like, holy shit, this is great.

[807] You felt that way, immediately.

[808] Immediately, I was comfortable with it.

[809] That's where the background and speech helped, because I wasn't worried about being in front of people.

[810] You'd already overcome that part.

[811] But pretending you're somebody else and doing that, that was really fun.

[812] And the teacher later on called me in his office, and I said, how am I doing this class, by the way?

[813] And he said, well, I've thought about majoring in it.

[814] I said, why would I do that?

[815] I mean, what am I going to do?

[816] Right.

[817] And he said, oh, you could act.

[818] And then if that didn't work out, you could teach.

[819] Yeah, yeah.

[820] So I flunked out of school.

[821] And then at the community college, I remember sitting in a room, they were asking you to say your name, declare your major.

[822] So I said, speech and drama.

[823] That was it.

[824] How did you end up at Stanford?

[825] It sounds like you did pretty shitty in college.

[826] Yeah, flunking out and then going to Stanford.

[827] Yeah.

[828] And this is a lesson for you, kids.

[829] As soon as I knew what I wanted to do, I was on the dean's list.

[830] Also, while I was in community college, the second year, we did Othello, and I played a fellow.

[831] And it was hard, but a friend of the teachers was starting a Shakespeare festival.

[832] They'd had one season already, and he came and saw the play.

[833] Is this the thing up in Ashland?

[834] No. Okay.

[835] There's a great one in Ashland.

[836] Okay.

[837] This one was not.

[838] This one was in the Santa Clara Valley.

[839] It's not the Silicon Valley.

[840] So they said, hey, come down here, do some Shakespeare.

[841] I was like, great.

[842] So I went there and we did that for seven years and played all kinds of stuff.

[843] We went professional two years later.

[844] So I was finishing school.

[845] I already had my equity card.

[846] You were making money acting.

[847] Stanford at that time had an MFA program in conjunction with a repertory theater.

[848] And so two of the guys that had gone through the MFA program started working at the festival.

[849] So the guy came down from Stanford and they said, hey, Kurt would here.

[850] He should be at Stanford.

[851] And he was like, yeah.

[852] Because he'd seen whatever play we were doing that.

[853] I don't remember.

[854] He said, it's too late this year.

[855] But next year.

[856] So I said, okay.

[857] And was Stanford at that point?

[858] Oh, yes.

[859] It was.

[860] It's always been.

[861] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[862] So were you tripping out that you were about to attend to get a master's degree from Stanford?

[863] Oh, yeah.

[864] Remember me?

[865] My daddy at a little school over there.

[866] Guess what they're not making me do with a bayonet up here, stepdaddy?

[867] No crab grass up at Stanford.

[868] You graduate in 69.

[869] So you're there at, like, the height.

[870] That's the year.

[871] Timothy Leary has just dropped out.

[872] Wasn't he a Stanford professor?

[873] I think he was, but I don't think he was at that time.

[874] But, like, this is all acid, fucking Haydashbury, Vietnam protests.

[875] You're at the epicenter of that.

[876] Did you feel that?

[877] Yeah, but the epicenter was actually on the other side of the bay over at Berkeley.

[878] Okay, okay.

[879] Which was our rival anyway.

[880] So it was like, yeah, you guys tear down the school over there.

[881] Oh, right.

[882] Well, you know, we're behind you.

[883] We'll be over here.

[884] We're not burning anything down.

[885] Right.

[886] We're going to keep this place kind of nice.

[887] Would you wander, though, into San Francisco at that period?

[888] Oh, yeah, go to San Francisco a lot, yeah.

[889] I saw Bob Dylan when he was just a little whiny folk singer.

[890] Uh -huh.

[891] What was your scene?

[892] Were you into acid or anything back then?

[893] Pretty straight -laced.

[894] Booze.

[895] The old standby.

[896] The old standby.

[897] Yeah.

[898] Free love?

[899] No. I was married.

[900] Oh, you were already married.

[901] I was hoping for acid -induced storage.

[902] Oh, yeah.

[903] Oh, man. It's a good thing I was married.

[904] Oh, yeah.

[905] Yeah, because my.

[906] My son was born in 69, right after I graduated.

[907] Were you stressed about having acting as a vocation while you were starting a family?

[908] Yeah.

[909] So I taught college, five years full time and then another four years part time.

[910] At what college?

[911] Kenyatta College.

[912] I went to San Mateo Community College.

[913] And then later, they developed two new campuses.

[914] The guy who was my first drama teacher was now at Kenyatta.

[915] So when I got my MFA, he said, I need to take two years off.

[916] Do you want to come and fill in for two years?

[917] And I was like, yeah, it wasn't what I wanted to do, but it was a job.

[918] And probably health insurance and stuff for your family.

[919] And I loved directing students.

[920] That's where I really felt that I taught them, not in the classes.

[921] The classes were too bizarre.

[922] It's a community college.

[923] So you had kids that had been leads in all the shows in their high school.

[924] And then also in the class, you have people.

[925] people who are taking it because they get nervous in front of people.

[926] It's just chaos in terms of trying to teach anything.

[927] Sure, sure, sure.

[928] And when do you come to L .A.?

[929] When do you return?

[930] So I did that five years full time.

[931] The Shakespeare Festival had disbanded, but people from that have started a regional theater.

[932] So I started working for them on some shows while I was still teaching.

[933] And then my wife and I split up.

[934] The regional theater went through a big change.

[935] And when it did, they dumped most of the people.

[936] So there was all new people.

[937] And I had worked with some of these people for years already, some of the people that left.

[938] So I was lonely.

[939] Everybody was down here.

[940] So about halfway through the season, I said, I'm out of here.

[941] Came to L .A. and, oh, man, it's brutal.

[942] Was it?

[943] Well, if you're a New York stage actor, then everybody's like, oh, yes, please, right.

[944] Come over here, have this part.

[945] Yes.

[946] You're from what?

[947] oh yeah okay let's go over there with the extras you were kind of starting from zero at what age i would have been 36 something like that do you recognize your career is pretty inspirational like can you acknowledge that you think i do because you're in the ups and downs for 20 plus years before the 70 shows comes around before you're going to get a big predictable paycheck every week and have a comfortable life as a successful actor if you add in the college stuff you're at it for 30 years at that point.

[948] I had a couple of things happen for me that got my career going.

[949] I was somebody that people were familiar with.

[950] You know, once I did Robocoff, dead poets aside, a few things.

[951] Time to kill.

[952] Yes, right.

[953] But you don't really get the magic ring until you get that series for eight years.

[954] Especially at that time.

[955] I would add that I feel like people are more interested in you now than ever.

[956] Like certainly that role in Patriot, that's the role you're born to play.

[957] It's so rich and wonderful and you're really trusted.

[958] You're not going to plug anyone into that role.

[959] It's got to be you.

[960] And that's an evolution in your career.

[961] Absolutely.

[962] It always seems to go back to something you've done.

[963] He wanted me for that part because of Dead Poets Society.

[964] Conrad did.

[965] Uh -huh.

[966] Dead Poets Society was an important movie for him personally.

[967] You were the dad who was kind of a bastard?

[968] Tough.

[969] I mean, this is what you're going to do, a doctor or a lawyer.

[970] But, you know, you're not going to be a fucking poet.

[971] I'm not going to be a poet.

[972] You're not going to be doing Mids or my night's dream the rest of your life.

[973] He came after me from something that I had done years ago.

[974] But, of course, I'd been working since then.

[975] Yeah, yeah.

[976] So it wasn't like.

[977] Oh, you've been in every single TV show I've ever seen.

[978] You've been in half the movies I've seen.

[979] You've had a long career.

[980] Oh, I've been very, very fortunate.

[981] The difference between spending 20 years where you're visiting a set versus your, the patriarch of a set, it's a much different.

[982] experience.

[983] Absolutely.

[984] It's hard to visit sets.

[985] It is hard for a number of reasons.

[986] People who work together on a show have a shorthand in terms of the way they work.

[987] You know, I look at scripts, I look at things.

[988] I know what Debra Joe Rupp is going to do.

[989] And I know when she's going to be unhappy.

[990] And so before I hit the set, I sort of know where I am.

[991] Deborah Joe's going to be in a good mood today.

[992] Yes, yes, yes.

[993] And the same with the other people as well.

[994] I just work more specifically with her all the time.

[995] You don't know shit when you're stepping in as a guest star.

[996] Did your kids ever act or want to act?

[997] My daughter, yeah.

[998] She majored in theater at Santa Clara University.

[999] She was quite good.

[1000] And then when she came down here, she mostly did commercials.

[1001] Which is even the hardest end of the spectrum.

[1002] Yeah.

[1003] You're doing like five a day.

[1004] You're driving all over the city.

[1005] Your rejection rate is like 99 .9%.

[1006] To say like a pretty awful line.

[1007] Yes.

[1008] It's not acting.

[1009] It's like salesmanship.

[1010] None of it's rewarding.

[1011] All the ones I booked, it was real acting.

[1012] Yeah, you're, they call you the Merrill Street of commercials.

[1013] They do.

[1014] They have been saying that for years now.

[1015] So what's interesting is, although you've been working forever and you've been in a ton of great movies with great roles, when the 70s show comes around in 1998, everyone's new.

[1016] In some way, everyone's new to that.

[1017] You know, I'm one of the regular.

[1018] I have a parking spot, a dressing room.

[1019] In some way, I feel like that's positive for you because let's say that was your seventh show.

[1020] It might have been hard to join in the enthusiasm of these young kids, but maybe in some way you were able to enjoy the same enthusiasm of being on a hit show.

[1021] Were you able to be on that ride with them?

[1022] Yes, it took me a couple of episodes.

[1023] I was nervous during the pilot for myself and for the show.

[1024] Because you hadn't done comedy.

[1025] That's why you were nervous?

[1026] Well, I hadn't done comedy.

[1027] comedy here.

[1028] And in a multi -cam situation.

[1029] But actually, that was better for me. Yeah, more stage -like.

[1030] Yeah, more stage -like.

[1031] But Mark Herschville, casting director, he was insistent that I had a future in comedy.

[1032] So he cast this, and I actually passed on it first, only because I was in New Orleans.

[1033] And I was shooting something.

[1034] I had to work that night.

[1035] They said, they need to see you tomorrow or Monday or whatever it was.

[1036] So I would have had to work at night, get on the plane in the morning, come out, you know.

[1037] And I said, it's the kids show anyway.

[1038] So I came back to L .A. later that week.

[1039] And my agent said, hey, you know, they haven't cast that part yet that want to see it.

[1040] And I said, yeah, sure.

[1041] So I went in and read and it's like, listen, can you go over to Fox this afternoon?

[1042] And can you sign this contract now?

[1043] And then I found out later that Mark had said, please wait for him.

[1044] How sweet.

[1045] They saw these other guys and he said, he'll be here on Thursday.

[1046] Just wait for him.

[1047] Do you send him a Christmas card?

[1048] Yeah.

[1049] I should.

[1050] So this is where our paths originally crossed.

[1051] I booked The Punk is the first thing I've ever booked.

[1052] And so Ashton starts inviting me to come watch the tapings of your show on Friday nights at Radford.

[1053] I had never been on a lot.

[1054] I get like a pass.

[1055] I go park next to like all these kids have escalades and cool cars and I walk up the stairs and like one door is open and Wilmer's got friends there.

[1056] And that craps tail.

[1057] Yes, people are gambling and drinking, and I am like, I mean, this is exceeding my show business fantasy like you can't imagine.

[1058] And Coucher just going like, oh yeah, make yourself at home and cruise on the set and there's food over there.

[1059] And then I'm peeking at you guys filming and I've never seen that.

[1060] And I meet you like I introduced myself to you.

[1061] And it's so my fantasy of showbiz.

[1062] It still will hold in my mind the magic piece.

[1063] period where, like, just seeing what was happening and imagining being a part of that.

[1064] It seems so radical and dreamy.

[1065] And you guys were all having so much fun, at least from my perspective.

[1066] It was a great time.

[1067] Once we got going, Fox would pick us up for two years at a time.

[1068] Oh, so, you know, I mean.

[1069] Yeah, knowing you're going to drive there.

[1070] You don't have the angst.

[1071] So it was pretty much always like that until the very end.

[1072] And even then, it was.

[1073] was fine, but, you know, Tofer left.

[1074] Ashton kind of left, but Ashton tended to pop in.

[1075] Yeah, he would pop in and out a lot more.

[1076] I mean, it was all right.

[1077] We were still having a good time and the people that they kind of brought in to kind of fill in were good.

[1078] But it wasn't the same.

[1079] The magic.

[1080] Yeah.

[1081] Again, there's some beauty to everyone taking the ride together where it's like, okay, now Coochers in movies.

[1082] Oh, he's got his own little show and Tofer's in a movie and all these people are doing things.

[1083] And Mila, I mean, I can't imagine for you to watch Mila ultimately do Black Swan.

[1084] And they're like, fuck yes, sister, like, go get it.

[1085] This little kid.

[1086] Yeah, was that just the greatest?

[1087] Oh, it was great.

[1088] David Traynor, who directed all our episodes.

[1089] David Traynor is the sweetest fucking man on the planet.

[1090] He's nine feet tall, Monica.

[1091] By the way, he's the most memorable part of me visiting the Sunday show.

[1092] I'm like, they've got a bona fide giant directs these things.

[1093] And then he was the director on the ranch.

[1094] So I got to spend two years with him.

[1095] And I just love him.

[1096] So much.

[1097] What a guy.

[1098] He's really one of my best friends.

[1099] Mila was one of the people that he said, she is really good.

[1100] So when she hit, especially in Black Swan, I wasn't that surprised mainly because of that.

[1101] But she was 14 when he started.

[1102] I still have at home this wolf, a statue of a wolf that she gave me one Christmas, you know, that kind of thing that you get from a kid.

[1103] It is.

[1104] It's so sweet, you know.

[1105] It's just the best.

[1106] She saw that wolf and she was like, oh my God, this is going to be.

[1107] great for Kurtwood.

[1108] He'll love this.

[1109] Kind of old and gray.

[1110] When you're that age, you just go to the mall, like, searching for all the presents for everyone.

[1111] Okay, this wolf is good for Kurtwood.

[1112] Yeah, there you go.

[1113] Oh, my God.

[1114] Oh, it's so cute.

[1115] All of those kids, I'm so proud of them.

[1116] All of them.

[1117] You know, Wilmer's on that show, and Tofer's got his own show, and Ashton, he's got a movie came out this week, right?

[1118] Last week.

[1119] Yeah, and I noticed that it was number one on Netflix, as it should be.

[1120] That's the part that makes me happiest to have met people along the way that were beautiful and talented and get to see them get up to bat and then hit a grand slam.

[1121] It's just so rewarding.

[1122] And especially when they've pretty much all done it.

[1123] That was the thing about that show is that despite the way they were after we shot on Friday night, when you showed up, they were always there.

[1124] They knew their lines.

[1125] They worked hard and they wanted futures in the business and they got them.

[1126] Yeah.

[1127] Yeah.

[1128] So how wild that it's now come back around, that you're doing the 90s show.

[1129] I started it yesterday.

[1130] You're fantastic.

[1131] As is Deborah Joe.

[1132] You two as a combo are perfect, peanut butter and chocolate.

[1133] And then this whole new cast of characters that you're seeing all over again.

[1134] And what is encouraging is I started it from my homework.

[1135] So I watch two episodes.

[1136] And then it's time for me to fuck off and do whatever.

[1137] I went in the sauna and then I did my cold plunge, all my little routines.

[1138] I come back inside my 90s.

[1139] year olds on episode six.

[1140] Oh, that's great.

[1141] Oh, great.

[1142] I'm happy to report to Kurt Wood.

[1143] She's going to watch this whole thing.

[1144] She's in.

[1145] Yeah.

[1146] And it works.

[1147] I had to like force her to turn it off to go to bed.

[1148] And the eight year old's watching, she's like kind of in.

[1149] She's like trying to make sense of some of this stuff.

[1150] Right, right.

[1151] Fortunately.

[1152] Yeah.

[1153] Yeah.

[1154] Are you back at Radford for this?

[1155] Or wouldn't that be lovely?

[1156] Yeah.

[1157] No, we're at Netflix, where you guys did the ranch.

[1158] That ain't half bad.

[1159] No, it's fine.

[1160] You should be stopping by here.

[1161] I'm so close.

[1162] You're on the way that I come, because I live on the other side of the freeway.

[1163] I live over in Glendale.

[1164] Oh, okay.

[1165] If and when you resume filming.

[1166] Well, we got picked up, but we did.

[1167] Oh, you did?

[1168] Yeah.

[1169] Oh, my God.

[1170] Congratulations.

[1171] Yeah.

[1172] When you resume, please tell me, because I will drop my kids off, and then I'll slide in there and say hi to you.

[1173] Oh, okay.

[1174] Yeah, sure.

[1175] You could hang.

[1176] That'd be great.

[1177] Yes, I would be great.

[1178] I wonder what dressing room you're in.

[1179] I had the worst dressing room.

[1180] But they did it for a reason.

[1181] There was an elevator upstairs.

[1182] You know of the dressing rooms were?

[1183] So they gave me the dressing room right by the elevator.

[1184] And then I had way to go to the hair and makeup.

[1185] And then my back is out, right?

[1186] So they get me, I think it's called a scooter.

[1187] You know, it's one of those things.

[1188] A little rascal.

[1189] The electric one.

[1190] Yeah.

[1191] Or you sit in there and it's got a basket in the front.

[1192] You got to feel great.

[1193] About that?

[1194] And I just haul ass down the hallway.

[1195] It was hilarious.

[1196] Scooting by.

[1197] Do you get anyone?

[1198] No, I tried, but they're too young and quick.

[1199] Oh, I just got so excited at the notion that maybe I can swing by and drop the kids off.

[1200] I would love that.

[1201] Oh, yeah.

[1202] Because you know how we are, right?

[1203] As actors, we can love each other, but we can only see each other if we figure out how to work together.

[1204] It's hard to do that nowadays to get on lots, to get on shows.

[1205] because of COVID shit.

[1206] Let's hope that's behind us.

[1207] Back to the six weeks downtime when you're turning 80, I think people were perplexed by the older people's reaction to COVID, unless you really think about it.

[1208] Like, my mother was the least careful.

[1209] It's not like she was denying the science or any of that.

[1210] But she's like, I don't have the time to hit pause on life.

[1211] Did you even notice that?

[1212] No, I didn't.

[1213] Although, you know, we certainly spent our time in the house, but I spent a lot of time in the house anyway.

[1214] I remember we did all that.

[1215] I mean, my wife's 10 years younger than I am, but she was a little bit more strict about it.

[1216] Mine too.

[1217] At the beginning, we're washing shit.

[1218] You get everything from the store and you wash, wipe it off, wash it down.

[1219] The wipes.

[1220] Yeah, we had like the Clorax wipes.

[1221] Oh, man. We do their postmates and then just do this.

[1222] You get this delivery of food and then you just completely disassemble everything.

[1223] We'll smear everything with alcohol and then eat it cold.

[1224] Oh, we're bringing it in the house.

[1225] Oh, my God.

[1226] What time we lived through.

[1227] Really is nuts.

[1228] Do you talk about being sober or no?

[1229] Not too much.

[1230] Yeah.

[1231] Especially when I had enough troubles with my back and stuff that I end up having to take.

[1232] Me too.

[1233] But I relapsed.

[1234] I went off the deep end with opiates for a while.

[1235] They are nasty.

[1236] If you're taking them because of injury, I found I didn't really get high.

[1237] I got a sort of high feeling from not having the pain.

[1238] Sure, sure.

[1239] It's later on when you suddenly go, oh, that was kind of good.

[1240] I also had this thing, it's flawed, but I had no other sober dudes who relate to this, which is, I deserve prizes.

[1241] So if I just suffered, I deserve a reward.

[1242] That's right.

[1243] And so my reward would be feeling high because I'm in this shitty situation and I can't do anything for six weeks and I'm in the sling and all these stitches.

[1244] And I go like, well, I deserve a little reward.

[1245] alcohol is the one that really brought me to my knees.

[1246] Well, we don't have to talk about it.

[1247] I was just curious if there was any kind of correlation between when things started really working out and finding their stride and if it correlated at all with when you were managing that.

[1248] But please tell me just, no. I went back to recovery after the first season of 70 show.

[1249] That was one of the smartest things I've ever done because it wasn't that much out of control, but I knew it was.

[1250] Well, and you're probably also smart enough to know, like, oh, I got a really good thing now.

[1251] And if I got a really good thing, I can justify a lot of other stuff.

[1252] Right.

[1253] And I will fuck this thing up if I don't get this taken care of.

[1254] And if all these kids are around drinking, like, the temptation is there, for sure.

[1255] Look, how much fun they're having and it's fine.

[1256] Yeah, I had to disconnect my sense of, I did greatness scene.

[1257] Now it's my reward time.

[1258] Like, now I get to be completely irresponsible.

[1259] That's the reward for feeling good.

[1260] As opposed to, like, just feeling good about the thing I did.

[1261] I would have to now like turbo charge it And actually destroy the good feeling I had And if you had done bad in the scene He would have been like, I deserve a reward Yes, that sucks.

[1262] I need a couple hundred beers Well, listen, that 90s show is fantastic.

[1263] It's on Netflix.

[1264] It was very fun in the pilot to see Ash and Mila walk in.

[1265] Yeah, oh, that was great.

[1266] And, you know, with the rest of them too.

[1267] Oh, yeah, Tofor and Laura.

[1268] Of course, I'm just friends with those two so I got excited to see him walk in.

[1269] Oh, man. The audience just tears a place apart when they came in.

[1270] Yeah.

[1271] He comes in big.

[1272] He comes in hot.

[1273] He can't come in much higher.

[1274] And he lands in.

[1275] And I'm like, oh, my God, he was born to play that role.

[1276] All right.

[1277] Well, Kurt Wood, I absolutely adore you.

[1278] I really do.

[1279] You're so wonderful.

[1280] And the feeling is mutual.

[1281] Believe me, Ducks.

[1282] Okay, wonderful.

[1283] So I hope everyone checks out that 90s show.

[1284] You got an order of 16.

[1285] That's fantastic.

[1286] Let's do 100 of these.

[1287] let's just knock them out real quick.

[1288] Go back and watch the Patriot.

[1289] Oh, I was going to tell you about another thing.

[1290] Yes, please go back and watch Patriot.

[1291] But Steve Conrad and I have a podcast that he writes.

[1292] You mentioned that Leslie had supposedly written this book.

[1293] Yeah, the Bible.

[1294] That's what this is.

[1295] Every chapter, he, of course, ends up talking about his family.

[1296] Leslie does.

[1297] Yeah, it's great fun.

[1298] It's one of those things.

[1299] Acting -wise, it's so hard for me to do this because it's sort of up to me to set up all the equipment.

[1300] Oh, so he just gives you the script.

[1301] This started during COVID, right?

[1302] Oh, my God.

[1303] And so he sends him to me, and then I just sort of do it in part of my closet.

[1304] These are out?

[1305] Yeah, yeah.

[1306] How could I not know about this?

[1307] I think it's on Spotify, too.

[1308] Oh, well, I'm in shirts everywhere.

[1309] What's it called?

[1310] The structural dynamics of flow.

[1311] Now, I've gone online and read the Bible of it.

[1312] Like, I've read chapters of the book.

[1313] Oh, yeah?

[1314] It all exists online.

[1315] Like, he's putting that up online.

[1316] somewhere.

[1317] Do you know the actor Rob Cordray, the comedian?

[1318] Yes, I do.

[1319] He's so good.

[1320] You've seen him in a million things.

[1321] And he and I were a host of this car show the last couple years.

[1322] And he too is obsessed with Patriot like I am.

[1323] And he's like, well, have you been reading the structural dynamics of flow online?

[1324] And he sends me the links.

[1325] And then he has just a bunch of jibber jabber.

[1326] Oh, more of the same.

[1327] And I love it.

[1328] So you're reading the text and then you're just start talking about your family in the show.

[1329] Yeah.

[1330] You know, it's like, you know, at that time, there was a nude photograph of me going around the internet.

[1331] You know, I mean, he has this big, long story about that.

[1332] By the way, Leslie's sober in the show.

[1333] And when you relapsing, you're in an AA meeting and you're snorting coke.

[1334] And the guy's like, I think you just did some cocaine off your hand.

[1335] While we were talking about you doing that, did you do it again?

[1336] I love what he'd see him walking down the hallway, and he's got his IV and he goes by, and there's another guy there passed out.

[1337] He just takes his IV and sticks it in his other arm.

[1338] Oh, my God.

[1339] I hope you guys somehow do something else together, you and Conrad.

[1340] All right.

[1341] I love you.

[1342] Good luck with everything.

[1343] Great seeing you.

[1344] And we're going to start having coffees at Netflix.

[1345] We're going to be.

[1346] We're going to do that.

[1347] We're going to do that.

[1348] I found out there was a restaurant.

[1349] there.

[1350] They don't tell anybody about it.

[1351] There is.

[1352] All right.

[1353] Well, hit that restaurant.

[1354] So nice to meet you, Monica.

[1355] Yes.

[1356] All right.

[1357] Be well.

[1358] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[1359] And now my favorite part of the show, the fact check with my soulmate Monica Padman.

[1360] I am no hurry now.

[1361] I am.

[1362] Because I'm going to go buy some makeup.

[1363] Oh, is it across town or something?

[1364] Yeah, Beverly Hills.

[1365] Ew.

[1366] But I've been wanting to for days.

[1367] It's crazy how much you don't mind going to Beverly Hills.

[1368] I can't stand it.

[1369] I know.

[1370] Because you're going through the heart of everything.

[1371] I'm going tomorrow, too.

[1372] That whole fucking fountain lussey and I got the whole area is just like, but I pop in a podcast.

[1373] You're going tomorrow?

[1374] Yeah.

[1375] What's tomorrow?

[1376] A spa day.

[1377] Oh, my God.

[1378] Makeup today.

[1379] Why don't you just get your makeup tomorrow when you go for the spa?

[1380] I have a crazy.

[1381] day tomorrow.

[1382] I'm going to my witch in the morning, followed by the dentist, followed by a sort of important meeting with Spotify, then spotty.

[1383] How often are you going to the dentist?

[1384] Like every six weeks?

[1385] No, no, no. I feel like you're always at the dentist.

[1386] Yeah, right?

[1387] Really?

[1388] Yeah.

[1389] I haven't been in seven years.

[1390] Well, I guess it's like four months or so.

[1391] I mean, six months is like the most extreme I've ever heard of.

[1392] Every four months?

[1393] Six months is recommended.

[1394] I've been three times since I moved to L .A. 27 years I love my dentist a lot.

[1395] Remember my dentist as Mary Kate and Ashley?

[1396] Yes.

[1397] So the more I go, the more I become them.

[1398] Well, no, the higher are the odds are you'll bump into them.

[1399] Do you have a preference of who you want to bump into?

[1400] I want to bump into Ashley because you have a connection and then maybe then we could talk about that.

[1401] Sure, you'd have something to chat about.

[1402] Shared interest.

[1403] I'd be curious to what her takeaway was.

[1404] You might not have as favorable of an opinion of me as I have a her.

[1405] Then maybe I need to run into Mary Kate because then we have a blank slate.

[1406] I'll take either.

[1407] You know, I'll take either.

[1408] I didn't mean likes me, likes me. I just mean she got a kick out of me. She had a fondness for you.

[1409] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1410] So I have a busy day and then I'm going to the spa with Kristen and Molly.

[1411] Oh, my gosh, Wowsers.

[1412] Because Laura gave us gift certificates to the four seasons like spa day things for after her wedding because we planned the bachelorette and stuff.

[1413] Uh -huh.

[1414] So, anyway, we've been trying to plan.

[1415] this for like a year.

[1416] That's a nice gift.

[1417] So nice.

[1418] Yeah.

[1419] Anyway, all to say, I'll be over there for a while and I do need to come back before traffic.

[1420] So I don't want to linger and go get makeup tomorrow.

[1421] Okay.

[1422] Well, all right.

[1423] You're going twice then.

[1424] Yeah.

[1425] Yeah.

[1426] I just got gas.

[1427] Everything's great.

[1428] You've got gas.

[1429] That's what I heard.

[1430] You guys.

[1431] We just did a fart episode.

[1432] Yeah.

[1433] We just did a fart episode.

[1434] Yeah.

[1435] We did.

[1436] What do you call it front of mind?

[1437] Top of mind?

[1438] Top of mind.

[1439] Top of mind.

[1440] Yeah.

[1441] But listen.

[1442] Okay.

[1443] I'm all ears.

[1444] What do you say?

[1445] I just pumped, like, gas.

[1446] What do you say that's not?

[1447] I just got gas.

[1448] I just got fuel.

[1449] I just got petrol.

[1450] I just filled up my car.

[1451] I just filled up.

[1452] Oh, I just filled up.

[1453] Okay, that's better.

[1454] I got gas.

[1455] Oh, no. Do you have to far?

[1456] No, I got gas.

[1457] Flore and Grove.

[1458] I've been looking at some makeup for a bit for like a week.

[1459] Circling it.

[1460] Yes.

[1461] Filling up my car, not purchasing.

[1462] Interesting.

[1463] I'm testing that out.

[1464] Uh -huh.

[1465] What it feels like to fill up my car, but not buy.

[1466] Yeah.

[1467] Turns out it doesn't work for me. That works for Kristen.

[1468] It works for a lot of people.

[1469] Oh, that's a common hack.

[1470] Yes, this is a hack, but not for me. For me, I end up buying it, and sometimes it ends up getting bought.

[1471] Like, you know, it goes away.

[1472] It sells out.

[1473] And then I'm furious at everyone who's ever done the hack.

[1474] Yes.

[1475] It's trying to get me to do the hack.

[1476] Yeah, exactly.

[1477] But I had a, as I told you, I had a conversation.

[1478] about my finances with a business manager.

[1479] Our business manager.

[1480] Our shared business manager.

[1481] Shout out Howard Alton.

[1482] My favorite guy.

[1483] He's like incredible person.

[1484] He's my favorite.

[1485] Love him.

[1486] And he says I'm doing okay.

[1487] Good enough to buy makeup.

[1488] So I'm allowed to buy makeup.

[1489] And I'm going to reward myself and do that.

[1490] If he said you weren't okay, there'd be a lot of spline you to do.

[1491] Well, look, he sent me an email.

[1492] He said, let's have a chat soon.

[1493] I thought, oh my God.

[1494] He thought you were getting cold.

[1495] The jig is up.

[1496] He's going to tell me, what have you been doing?

[1497] Why have you been behaving this way?

[1498] Why are you acting like a 13 -year -old with money with a checkbook?

[1499] Yes, you have no money left.

[1500] I'm calling to tell you that.

[1501] You actually owe us 17K that we have had to bail out of your overdrawn counts.

[1502] Yeah, this is truly.

[1503] Like, I had some anxiety around, a lot of anxiety, actually.

[1504] And we popped on the phone.

[1505] He said, great stuff.

[1506] He said, this is a good phone call.

[1507] Oh, it was over the phone.

[1508] I thought you were in person for some reason.

[1509] Beverly Hills?

[1510] Oh, but now you don't want to go to me. It was to go spend money.

[1511] Go twice this week already.

[1512] No, but not to talk about the most important thing in your life, your financial security.

[1513] Just do that over the horn.

[1514] Anyway, it was a great call.

[1515] He said I could buy makeup.

[1516] He did say, which was funny, I guess there are like, you know, the way they look at everyone's finances who they.

[1517] They put in columns, right?

[1518] Yeah, they have categories.

[1519] And he said, yours is very funny because it's, like, completely flatline.

[1520] Right.

[1521] And then there's just a huge spike in one area.

[1522] Consumables.

[1523] Yeah.

[1524] Personal consumables.

[1525] And I thought I should frame that.

[1526] Yeah, that would be fun.

[1527] Well, make a piece of art out of it and people don't really know what it is.

[1528] But I'll know.

[1529] If you flip it over on the bag, let's say, Monica's finances.

[1530] And it'll be funny because my art will be a part of it.

[1531] of that, you know?

[1532] Like, spending money on art is probably in that category.

[1533] In that column.

[1534] Art is life.

[1535] Meta.

[1536] Oh.

[1537] That's going to be worth a lot.

[1538] Self -reflective.

[1539] Wow.

[1540] Anyway, so I'm off to buy some makeup.

[1541] We just had an amazing guest.

[1542] We're not going to give any clues, but it was a big day for you.

[1543] Yeah, I've been living in anxiety for about, I don't know, a week I started thinking about it.

[1544] My whole therapy last week was singularly about this guest.

[1545] Yeah.

[1546] Yeah.

[1547] And it was just beautiful.

[1548] Beautiful.

[1549] Really, really, really very special.

[1550] Hard to compute.

[1551] I bet.

[1552] Okay.

[1553] Sidebar.

[1554] I'm drinking hot water.

[1555] By the way, it was already a sidebar.

[1556] That's kind of ironic to call a sidebar on.

[1557] But we should have a podcast called sidebar.

[1558] Or change the name of the fact check to sidebar.

[1559] Yeah.

[1560] That's what it is.

[1561] Okay.

[1562] Anna, our friend Anna, she doesn't listen to this show.

[1563] Right.

[1564] But yesterday she said, I listened to the Jenna Ortega episode.

[1565] Oh, we got her.

[1566] And she loved it.

[1567] She did.

[1568] Oh, good.

[1569] She really liked the way she.

[1570] She talks about herself.

[1571] And yeah.

[1572] And then she said, and then I listened to the fact check.

[1573] And she's like, and she's never done that.

[1574] She's listened to like maybe three episodes total of the everything.

[1575] I can't get her.

[1576] She's never done the fact check.

[1577] Oh, my God.

[1578] She said, I was laughing so hard because like, what is that?

[1579] She was like, you guys are just like talking about your days.

[1580] That's right.

[1581] Yeah, that's the point of it.

[1582] We do discuss facts.

[1583] but really it's as they pertain to our day exactly really it's just a way for us to debrief I will occasionally see it's so rare I don't think this is at all even not just not a consensus it's not even like a percentage thing but I will say I'll see people venting like I don't even know why they call it a fact check it's not a fact it's like I think um you know it never was right yeah it's not like so I think this thing was like packed full of information and now it's gone I I do my best, you know.

[1584] There's some facts.

[1585] Yeah.

[1586] Well, I think they, maybe they think it's like.

[1587] Bless you, Monica.

[1588] No, lies.

[1589] Bless you, Monica.

[1590] They think it's like a journalistic duty, you know.

[1591] And so I understand maybe that they feel, okay, she's not really doing her due diligence on some of these facts.

[1592] And that's correct.

[1593] I do my best.

[1594] That's all I can say.

[1595] Yeah.

[1596] But I'm not a journalist.

[1597] It's not even accurate either.

[1598] It's like, you do enough job to keep it entertaining.

[1599] You're not doing your best.

[1600] It's not like your number one goal in life is to spend four hours researching some of physicists.

[1601] I do my best, which is reasonable within what I'm doing in life.

[1602] I'd say what I'd feel comfortable, like saying is like, I do what I want to do.

[1603] Well, that sounds bad.

[1604] All right.

[1605] You don't.

[1606] You do more than you want to do.

[1607] I guess I do what I want to do.

[1608] So she liked it?

[1609] So she gave it a thumbs up, though?

[1610] She did.

[1611] She did.

[1612] I said, that's what you need.

[1613] You should be listening to.

[1614] She said, I know.

[1615] It's kind of a feather in her cap because she's mentioned a lot in it.

[1616] Exactly.

[1617] And obviously some people in her life tell her.

[1618] And she does not even curious enough to go listen.

[1619] That shows integrity.

[1620] Yeah.

[1621] Well, she did listen to the flightless bird that she was on.

[1622] Oh, okay.

[1623] That was about Christmas.

[1624] Yeah.

[1625] She told a great story.

[1626] Anywho, that was one sidebar, check.

[1627] Okay, another sidebar, hot water.

[1628] I'm drinking hot water as I do.

[1629] do.

[1630] We have a kettle.

[1631] We have a new kettle in here.

[1632] It's so elegant and sexy.

[1633] It's beautiful.

[1634] It's stag.

[1635] It's the one I put on my gift guide.

[1636] It's beautiful.

[1637] I have one at my home.

[1638] I find myself just kind of staring out at the corner of my eye sometimes when we're recording.

[1639] It's an elegant piece.

[1640] It is.

[1641] And it's a deep black.

[1642] It's like a flat matte black.

[1643] But it's, I don't know.

[1644] Did you watch the Fleischman show?

[1645] No. There's a exhibit that they keep visiting.

[1646] And I think this is real.

[1647] Okay.

[1648] There's some black that was developed by the military.

[1649] That's like the deepest black ever.

[1650] And it's like, it's so black that it fucks people up.

[1651] No. Yeah, it's supposed to cause like some kind of insanity.

[1652] Like a room that you just go in and it's pitch black.

[1653] Oh.

[1654] And it's just the blackest thing beyond description.

[1655] But they keep kind of revisiting it.

[1656] British company Surrey Nanosystems created the color specifically for the military.

[1657] The company calls it, quote, the darkest man -made substance.

[1658] It's literally the blackest material to ever exist.

[1659] Vantablack.

[1660] That's what it's called.

[1661] Vantablack.

[1662] Viva Vantablack.

[1663] Absorbs nearly all light.

[1664] Additionally, it even makes three -dimensional objects appear flat.

[1665] Whoa.

[1666] See, that was a cool fact I gave.

[1667] Yeah, on the fly -fax.

[1668] Fly -facts, fly -check.

[1669] Ding, ding, ding, dang, d 'ing, flies.

[1670] Ooh, Vantablack is an acronym for vertically aligned nanotube array black.

[1671] It absorbs 99 .965 % of light.

[1672] Whoa.

[1673] But it would be fun if you had that black room that was ultra quiet and then you put an orange in the corner of the room.

[1674] Yeah, and you just cut it in half of the orange.

[1675] And you laid like 100 yards from it.

[1676] And then you were...

[1677] Oh, an orange fruit.

[1678] The fruit.

[1679] That was confusing.

[1680] We were talking black.

[1681] Colors.

[1682] Yeah.

[1683] Okay.

[1684] You cut a tangerine.

[1685] Okay.

[1686] It's in the corner of the room.

[1687] And then you lay in the middle of the room.

[1688] And then all your senses are completely muted.

[1689] I wonder if you could start.

[1690] smelling that tangerine.

[1691] Of course.

[1692] You could even smell it.

[1693] I'm going to bring, because you know, I'm, I'm angling to get myself in that room.

[1694] I've gotten myself invited.

[1695] You have.

[1696] To the Microsoft one.

[1697] Not the blackest room in the world.

[1698] The quietest room in the world.

[1699] It's actually quieter than the room that the article was written that I told you about.

[1700] Right.

[1701] Okay.

[1702] So this is an Easter egg, Duck, Duck, Duck, Goose for an upcoming expert episode.

[1703] We talk about this with the women.

[1704] Oh, I thought this already aired on something.

[1705] So that's why.

[1706] It's Easter.

[1707] Oh, okay.

[1708] Anyway, I reached out and Penae, he's a big boy over there.

[1709] And so I said, is there any way I could get in that room?

[1710] He's like, yeah, yeah, come up.

[1711] Well, I'll host you.

[1712] So anyways.

[1713] You're going to feel claustrophobic.

[1714] I'm going to bring a tangerine.

[1715] Okay.

[1716] I wonder if that's allowed in that room.

[1717] I don't think that one.

[1718] That's a sound room.

[1719] Mm -hmm.

[1720] Yeah.

[1721] I'll close my eyes.

[1722] I don't think that's going to do what you.

[1723] Bring some black paint, too.

[1724] You can see the tangerine.

[1725] Maybe I'll wear an eye mask in Viva, a black, Viva dot noir.

[1726] Venta black.

[1727] I wish I would have called it Vented noir.

[1728] So make it all like Latiny sound.

[1729] Part of the reason people think my facts aren't factual is because I obscure them?

[1730] Yeah.

[1731] Add to the complaints.

[1732] Anyhow.

[1733] All right.

[1734] I suppose you're not going to comment on my outfit.

[1735] Oh, I'm sorry.

[1736] That's okay.

[1737] I mean, I did come.

[1738] I made a pretty big deal out of yours.

[1739] I commented.

[1740] I just didn't do it publicly.

[1741] I'm sorry.

[1742] Oh, my God.

[1743] You needed to be public.

[1744] Oh, that reminds me, I owe you.

[1745] Wow, another sidebar.

[1746] Two sidebars.

[1747] Jenna Ortega, ding, ding, ding.

[1748] Anna listened to Jenna Ortega.

[1749] There's a ton of headlines out about Jenna's episode.

[1750] There are?

[1751] Yes.

[1752] Uh -oh.

[1753] Positive or negative?

[1754] No, I don't like it.

[1755] It's not negative towards the show.

[1756] But of course, they've pulled that she said she was unprofessional.

[1757] Oh, God.

[1758] on the set of Wednesday.

[1759] Because she was just talking about this, Chris.

[1760] I know.

[1761] They're literally shameless.

[1762] When you type that headline, you're fucking shameless.

[1763] I know.

[1764] And like a lot.

[1765] Like Anthony was like, that episode's getting picked up a lot.

[1766] And I was like, oh, and then he sent me. And I was like, oh, my God.

[1767] Totally shameless.

[1768] If you've written that headline, you're fucking, you don't have integrity.

[1769] That's not at all.

[1770] What she meant at all?

[1771] And if you listen, you know that.

[1772] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1773] It just bums me out because she, of course, they did that to her.

[1774] Mm -hmm.

[1775] Because she's like, you know, a it girl right now.

[1776] Yeah, and they want to start some shit.

[1777] Yeah, I'm like, fuck that.

[1778] Pick on someone else.

[1779] She's a young girl who's just being honest and open.

[1780] So penalize her.

[1781] I hate it.

[1782] And it's not even what she was saying either.

[1783] It's not.

[1784] It's not.

[1785] What she was saying is she was strong and fought for what she knew was right for the character.

[1786] And when you hear the line that she said she wouldn't say, she's absolutely correct.

[1787] The character would have never said I hate myself.

[1788] Exactly.

[1789] She was correct.

[1790] I mean, she should be applauded for having.

[1791] Agreed.

[1792] Yeah.

[1793] And what's a bummer?

[1794] Because I was like, oh, we're going to have to talk about that.

[1795] I'm like, but everyone who listens already knows.

[1796] That's right.

[1797] They don't need.

[1798] They listen.

[1799] Unless someone's only listening to the fact check.

[1800] Oh.

[1801] That would be cool.

[1802] But no one who listened would think anything of that.

[1803] Yeah.

[1804] So it's obviously people who didn't.

[1805] And then they're not listening to this.

[1806] So it's a catch.

[1807] I know this person I'm calling shameless, so I hope that will feel bad.

[1808] They're not.

[1809] going to hear this.

[1810] Ironic, because I'm pretty sure it was that fact truck that we talk about the Vanity Fair thing.

[1811] Okay, you almost avoided the reason you brought up Jen Ortega.

[1812] That's right.

[1813] Okay.

[1814] So now there's another sidebar.

[1815] Dingle, dingles.

[1816] I owe you, no. Fine, if you want to.

[1817] No, actually, go ahead.

[1818] Go ahead.

[1819] I owe you an apology.

[1820] Before we wrap up Wellington, they put a poached egg on everything.

[1821] I love that.

[1822] Do you notice that?

[1823] You sent that to me. You said you owe me an apology.

[1824] I said, you owe me a public apology.

[1825] Yeah.

[1826] I was just teasing.

[1827] I didn't want a public apology.

[1828] But you do.

[1829] And you got one.

[1830] No, you brought it up.

[1831] I was never going to bring it up.

[1832] It's fine.

[1833] That's the apology.

[1834] She said I said, soft boiled egg.

[1835] And I was like, really?

[1836] I don't think I said.

[1837] I don't know.

[1838] I thought you found out that it's actually a thing in New Zealand.

[1839] It's still not.

[1840] No, I got a bunch of people wrote in that, yes, it's a poached egg's 100 % of thing in New Zealand.

[1841] A lot of people wrote that in the comments.

[1842] But that's neither here nor there.

[1843] The conversation was about whether I said soft boil or poached.

[1844] That's right.

[1845] And here's a thing.

[1846] I was so wrong.

[1847] Oh, my God.

[1848] I can't believe it.

[1849] I was so wrong.

[1850] How's it, you know?

[1851] Well, there's a caveat, okay?

[1852] Okay.

[1853] This is one of those kind of apologies where you say.

[1854] I'm sorry, but here's why.

[1855] So wrong that on this episode, I am.

[1856] You said poached egg.

[1857] You said it twice.

[1858] However, I believe.

[1859] And again, I could be wrong about this.

[1860] And if I am, wow.

[1861] You're just hearing soft boiled egg when I say poach egg.

[1862] potentially I'm hearing soft boiled egg.

[1863] But what I think you do often say soft boiled egg when you're talking about this very phenomenon, which you've talked about a lot, which is that in New Zealand.

[1864] I won't shut up about it.

[1865] You do like to bring this up when you talk about New Zealand.

[1866] Yes, because I loved it.

[1867] You loved it so much.

[1868] And I believe that most of the times that you have said it, you've said soft boiled egg.

[1869] You did not say soft boiled egg.

[1870] I was so wrong on the Jenna Ortega episode.

[1871] So you're making a claim that, but predominantly I do.

[1872] So I'm just, all I'm asking for is a little proof.

[1873] So once I hear some proof, I'll make a big public apology.

[1874] That's fine.

[1875] Then we'll get in a cycle of publicly apologizing.

[1876] Here's the issue.

[1877] I'm never going to do that.

[1878] Right.

[1879] You know, I'm never going to go back and listen to all the episodes and listen for when we brought up New Zealand.

[1880] And I just, I know I'm not.

[1881] So I guess I just have to say I'm wrong.

[1882] Just about this.

[1883] It's hard, though, because.

[1884] Well, it was in that fact check of.

[1885] Ortega as the issue.

[1886] You raised me up and down the flagpole about it.

[1887] You hoisted me by my fatards, by my festoons.

[1888] And then, you know, that's why it's relevant.

[1889] In that fact, like, you say no, poach.

[1890] Like, you said, I think I said poached egg.

[1891] And I probably said, no, you didn't.

[1892] I kind of want to listen to that.

[1893] I don't have that.

[1894] Because I know immediately after you said that, I said, oh, if you're talking about poached eggs that is a different thing yeah yeah you definitely said that and I had said poached egg that's the thing as I just played if you're talking in general about poached eggs in New Zealand that's potentially a different thing yeah listen can I say something else I'm sorry I don't feel it I don't that's not fair that's not fair what if you said I'm sorry to me and I said I don't feel it you'd be fucking well you just told me that and that The majority of time I say soft boiled egg, and then I'm still wrong.

[1895] So it does feel it's a little bit of a jaded apology, which I didn't even need.

[1896] I was just teasing.

[1897] And I would need to hear it because I know it's a poached egg.

[1898] I know it's a poached egg.

[1899] Okay.

[1900] So that's what's weird for me. You got to understand where I'm coming from.

[1901] It's like I know it's a poached egg.

[1902] And then I found the record that I had said it was a poached egg.

[1903] But someone's telling me I had it and I don't.

[1904] It's hard for me to click into that.

[1905] Right?

[1906] It would be hard.

[1907] Yeah.

[1908] There's a good chance I just heard soft boiled egg over and over and so many times.

[1909] David says that it's not a thing, but you're saying people in the comments corroborated that.

[1910] David also eats terribly.

[1911] At McDonald's, they don't have poached eggs on the salad.

[1912] He said eggs Benedict is very common, and that has a poached egg.

[1913] Yeah, a couple of them, a pair of poached eggs.

[1914] Right, but he's saying that is common.

[1915] Eggs Benedict.

[1916] Popular dish there.

[1917] But he doesn't think it's a thing where, like, poached eggs are just on everything.

[1918] Yeah, yeah.

[1919] Although poached eggs are often on salads, even here.

[1920] The person even wrote in the comments, they even have a poached egg on the burger at some chain, which they don't have here.

[1921] I'm not going to look for it.

[1922] But they were saying, yeah, it's even, like, standard on a burger at a chain restaurant, which was unique.

[1923] I love an egg on a burger.

[1924] A poached?

[1925] Yeah.

[1926] Well, Red Robin does an over -easy egg.

[1927] Poached egg seems extremely difficult on a burger.

[1928] Is it so...

[1929] Goopy?

[1930] So goopy.

[1931] I mean, the whole point is that you cut into it and then it oozes out.

[1932] I love it.

[1933] Really good.

[1934] I want a big barrel of poached egg.

[1935] It's like a bubble, you know?

[1936] So that'd be weird on a burger, in my opinion, but...

[1937] I think it'd be similar to the over -easy egg on the burger.

[1938] Because you two, you're going to bite into that, and the...

[1939] and then yoke goes everywhere.

[1940] But at least the white is like set and going to remain.

[1941] Pancake shape.

[1942] Yeah, pancake.

[1943] Convenient shape, burger patty shape.

[1944] Exactly.

[1945] Let's see.

[1946] Okay.

[1947] This is for Kurt Wood.

[1948] Oh.

[1949] Your friend, Kurtwood.

[1950] Yeah.

[1951] My special friend.

[1952] Oops.

[1953] Usually when people say my special friend, does that have a sexual connotation?

[1954] I think it has.

[1955] Oh, you think like if you, would, okay, I see, you're, it's funny how literal your brain is.

[1956] This just happened yesterday.

[1957] You heard something and it was like, it was so literal.

[1958] Oh, when, um, on armchair anonymous, someone said farting a baby.

[1959] And I, you thought, like, what does she mean?

[1960] The fart was in the shape of a baby.

[1961] Yes.

[1962] Yeah.

[1963] Yeah.

[1964] I guess I do.

[1965] I take things very literally.

[1966] Yeah.

[1967] Part of your charm.

[1968] What did I just say that I took literally?

[1969] Just now you just heard.

[1970] Yeah, what were we just talking about?

[1971] I feel like we smoked a joint before this.

[1972] I can't even remember what you're talking about five seconds ago.

[1973] I know.

[1974] Anyhow.

[1975] All right.

[1976] The eggs.

[1977] You ever have an egg milkshake?

[1978] Oh, my gosh.

[1979] So good.

[1980] Malt.

[1981] It just, ew.

[1982] Cranberries and peanut butter.

[1983] Okay.

[1984] Is he done?

[1985] Yeah.

[1986] I do a spin -off with Frito, like Will does with Anchorman.

[1987] Yeah, yeah, I think so.

[1988] Can you imagine Frito interviewing actual celebrities?

[1989] Well, that'd be good, too.

[1990] Yeah.

[1991] You have so much sex when you got famous.

[1992] We'd have to set up a trailer or, like, a studio in your trailer.

[1993] Yes, yes, in my off -road vehicle trailer, not Big Brown.

[1994] A long couple lawn chairs and some big grass.

[1995] You can turn that into a toilet.

[1996] Yes.

[1997] And that's what you're promised.

[1998] He will go to the bathroom at least once during every interview.

[1999] Oh, lucky.

[2000] Kurt Wood.

[2001] It was about Kurt Wood.

[2002] Yes, special friend.

[2003] Okay.

[2004] I've heard mostly women.

[2005] I don't think I've ever heard a man say it, but I've heard a woman say like, oh, yeah, Mike, he's my special friend.

[2006] And that means friends with benefits.

[2007] Oh.

[2008] And Kurt Wood and I do not have benefits.

[2009] But he is definitely my special friend.

[2010] Yeah.

[2011] Okay.

[2012] Speaking of friendship, special friendships, the doc about the girl with the crow, or like who talks to crows, she gets gifts from birds.

[2013] Yeah, she's up in Seattle, but it was like a BBC doc, I think.

[2014] Yeah, the girl who gets gifts from birds.

[2015] Oh, that's the title.

[2016] You must love that.

[2017] It's so literal.

[2018] I can understand it.

[2019] I'll say that.

[2020] She's eight.

[2021] Yeah.

[2022] She has a very special friendship with the crows.

[2023] I know, that's why I said that.

[2024] Yeah.

[2025] I already said that.

[2026] Remember?

[2027] Remember when I said that?

[2028] We should not have burned that fatty before this.

[2029] We cannot get on the same page.

[2030] Okay.

[2031] I don't know if the doc is called that.

[2032] The article is called that.

[2033] And it's the BBC article.

[2034] So this is why they say, I don't do my due diligence.

[2035] I mean, when you type that in, it's that's what comes up a lot.

[2036] The girl who gets given.

[2037] from birds.

[2038] Do you know why I wanted you to bring up my outfit?

[2039] I just remembered why.

[2040] Okay.

[2041] Why?

[2042] Because I don't necessarily need to talk about this outfit.

[2043] Okay.

[2044] But what I wanted to talk about more globally is I got five new jumpsuits.

[2045] Right.

[2046] Okay.

[2047] And then I wanted to wear one for our special guest.

[2048] Yes.

[2049] One of them, I've never owned a pair of white pants.

[2050] Okay.

[2051] I got a white jumpsuit that's pinstripe.

[2052] Ooh, nice.

[2053] It's so good.

[2054] But what I realized is I had the problem that women have, which is I notice a little see -through.

[2055] Yeah.

[2056] I've never experienced it.

[2057] And I was literally standing in front of the full -length mirror because that was my preferred jumper for today.

[2058] Okay.

[2059] Because it looked semi -elevated, like I was wearing a suit, but not really.

[2060] Right.

[2061] But I just kept staring.

[2062] I'm like, can I see my mom's pubis right now?

[2063] Can I see, you know.

[2064] And I was - Were you wearing underwear?

[2065] No. Okay.

[2066] Well, that will fix it.

[2067] But then, but I only wear meandi panties.

[2068] And they're so colorful and vibrant and there's so many patterns.

[2069] I was like, well, if I put those on, then it's just all you're going to see is meandi panties.

[2070] Right.

[2071] I guess.

[2072] You need a nude.

[2073] Nude or white.

[2074] Neude or white.

[2075] I might have a set of white meandi panties.

[2076] Yeah.

[2077] But I think they have a black elastic band.

[2078] And then I'm like, well, that would look insane.

[2079] Look, we love meundies.

[2080] maybe they should do just a neutral set where the band is also neutral for men like you.

[2081] Who are wearing see -through jumpers.

[2082] Yeah.

[2083] If you're listening to me, undies.

[2084] And that's another Easter egg.

[2085] You've worn a jumpsuit once on an upcoming episode.

[2086] Oh, right.

[2087] And I kind of fell in love with it.

[2088] I've always had the, I've had the like kind of Anderson pack, almost mechanical game ones that I've been wearing for a couple years.

[2089] Yeah.

[2090] But then I branched out into this kind of stylish they were plaid.

[2091] and more fitted.

[2092] And I was like, oh, I love this.

[2093] This is awesome.

[2094] You don't have to pick out a shirt and pants or it's just hop into that onesie.

[2095] Yeah.

[2096] And so I liked it so much.

[2097] I promptly ordered five more.

[2098] So I have all these exciting colors.

[2099] I'm realizing something.

[2100] Tell me. You wore that plaid jumpsuit for the Easter buddy, my chef.

[2101] A chef.

[2102] Yes, yes.

[2103] And also you wore it tamale baas.

[2104] Yes.

[2105] So both chefs have seen you in that jumpsuit.

[2106] All the chefs in America think I only wear jumpsuits.

[2107] Because also the night prior when I went out to do with Jose Andres.

[2108] You wore it for that?

[2109] No, but I wore my one that's more like a baby's pajamas.

[2110] You know, the other one I have.

[2111] I posted a picture of me in it there.

[2112] I had worn them that day to work.

[2113] So I had that other jumper that's more like a baggy or sleeper.

[2114] Right.

[2115] Like a baby's romper.

[2116] So.

[2117] Like a sleep sack.

[2118] Yes.

[2119] Yes.

[2120] So Jose Andres also thinks.

[2121] I only wear six -s -sacs.

[2122] And then the other two, the Easter Bunny and Bosworth, are, they think that.

[2123] Yeah.

[2124] It seems calculated, but it's just coincidental.

[2125] Well, if you were in court, right, this is how circumstantial evidence is sometimes wrong.

[2126] It looks like it.

[2127] But there was no decision to trick all these shelves.

[2128] But you don't even know.

[2129] It could be subconscious.

[2130] It could be.

[2131] Or just timing.

[2132] I had worn one.

[2133] I liked it.

[2134] And that's now all I wear.

[2135] That's very much my pattern.

[2136] I think it's subconscious.

[2137] Subconscious.

[2138] All right.

[2139] Kurt Wood.

[2140] Smartest animals.

[2141] I think we've talked about this before, but...

[2142] Let's hit.

[2143] The 12 most intelligent animals in the world ranked in 2022.

[2144] Oh, this is exciting.

[2145] Do you want to guess number one?

[2146] Humans.

[2147] That was a trick question.

[2148] We're an animal.

[2149] Okay, now number two.

[2150] This is hard.

[2151] Before I guess, I'm going to say, I don't know that we know the full extent of how this is like poached eggs you're just going to have to trust based on this evidence no i'm going to explore so we have tens of thousands of hours of studying chimpanzees and having them in laboratories and give them cognitive tests they can do these incredible memory tests like far superior to humans yeah we don't have an orca in a lab we don't have tens of thousands of hours in the water with orcas.

[2152] Yeah.

[2153] So part of me Belize will come to find out that the orca and the dolphin are the next smartest animal.

[2154] But I don't think that's known entirely yet.

[2155] So my pick for number two is chimpanzee.

[2156] Dolphin.

[2157] All of that.

[2158] Yeah.

[2159] Dolphin?

[2160] Okay, great.

[2161] Dolphins in separate pods have been known to use mud to create traps for fish and collect sponges to use as protection as they search for food among coral.

[2162] These two examples demonstrate the ability of dolphins to manipulate their surroundings and employ tools to achieve an end.

[2163] Adapt to new situations.

[2164] Okay, there's more stuff on them, but we have too many to go through.

[2165] Okay, what's number three?

[2166] Chimpanzee.

[2167] No. Orangutan.

[2168] Ravens.

[2169] Get out, number three.

[2170] Woo!

[2171] Yeah.

[2172] I love being wrong about that.

[2173] Often associated with omens because of their jet black appearance.

[2174] Ding, ding, ding, ding, vent to black.

[2175] And distinct call.

[2176] Ding my jumper, black.

[2177] Distinct call.

[2178] Ravens are extremely intelligent birds.

[2179] Wow, more than chance.

[2180] Yes, handle abstract concepts and plan ahead better than human toddlers.

[2181] It says in one experiment, these birds planned ahead by up to 17 hours.

[2182] Whoa.

[2183] Choosing a key from an array of objects that could later be used to open a box with a favorite treat inside.

[2184] Oof.

[2185] Wow.

[2186] Okay.

[2187] A pig.

[2188] Yes.

[2189] Pigs.

[2190] Piggy's.

[2191] Is it pigies?

[2192] Yeah.

[2193] It's piggies.

[2194] Oh, my God.

[2195] They can't be smarter than chimps.

[2196] Number five is chimps.

[2197] Oh, I don't know if I believe that one.

[2198] Well, I mean.

[2199] I know.

[2200] You don't think it's my choice to believe or not believe.

[2201] It's not an affront to you.

[2202] It's like there's nothing personal.

[2203] No, you're not the scientists that compiled this list.

[2204] It's not affront to me, but it isn't a front to the world when you just like won't believe a thing.

[2205] Yeah.

[2206] Like, it feels a little like.

[2207] What's the point?

[2208] What is the point of anyone knowing anything?

[2209] Like, what, can we just...

[2210] Can we just accept it?

[2211] A little bit.

[2212] The request?

[2213] That's not my nature.

[2214] Oh, no, I'm at 1%.

[2215] Oh, fuck.

[2216] Oh, boy, oh, boy, things are falling apart.

[2217] It is a dot org.

[2218] That's great.

[2219] We love dot.

[2220] You love dot org.

[2221] Sentientmedia .org.

[2222] Oh, God, that's the most trusted name and animal intelligence.

[2223] But, you know, Monica, lots of...

[2224] Lots of things.

[2225] are not facts.

[2226] Yes, this is true.

[2227] Okay.

[2228] I know that.

[2229] And so, yeah, that's me. There's a lot.

[2230] The kids will come home.

[2231] They'll repeat something the teacher told them.

[2232] And it's a study.

[2233] And I'll literally just ask like, how would one conduct that study?

[2234] Like, it's worth asking that.

[2235] These are relevant questions to ask.

[2236] I'm not aspiring to not push hard on things that don't sound right to me. It doesn't sound right to me that a pig is smarter than a chimpanzee.

[2237] Do they tell us why?

[2238] There's some stuff in here.

[2239] They're not saying this is why it's more than the other.

[2240] It's just saying why they're smart.

[2241] Oh, can I want to hear why a pig smart?

[2242] I don't know why you're upset at me because I have a hard time believing a pig smarter than a champ.

[2243] That shouldn't anger you.

[2244] It doesn't anger me. It makes me, I guess it just, maybe it just makes me feel, it feels a little contrarian, I guess.

[2245] of just like anything that gets said is going to get poked at, which is fine.

[2246] It is fine.

[2247] It's probably a good thing.

[2248] But I could see if the kids come home and they want to tell you something and then you're like, well, I don't know if that's true.

[2249] Like I can imagine, well, I can imagine, I would be like, can you just hear that story or hear the thing and now I have to defend it?

[2250] I think that's, it feels like now I'm in some sort of position to defend a thing that I don't even, want to be defending or care about?

[2251] But you don't need to because you didn't publish this list.

[2252] This has nothing to do with you.

[2253] You're just like reporting to me what you found.

[2254] And then I'll say on the kids front, that's my obligation to create critical thinkers.

[2255] If my kids ask themselves how this knowledge was ascertained and if it doesn't seem plausible that that knowledge could have been ascertained, that's a skill set I want them to have.

[2256] We're not raining on their parade as much as I just go like, oh, that's really interesting.

[2257] I wonder how they found that out.

[2258] How could they have done that?

[2259] And then we explore together how that could be known.

[2260] It is good to question.

[2261] It is.

[2262] I'm not questioning you.

[2263] I'm questioning the list.

[2264] I get it.

[2265] But I'll just shut up and listen to the rest of the list.

[2266] I'm happy to do that as well.

[2267] Who's after chimps is five?

[2268] Who's six?

[2269] Elephants.

[2270] Yeah.

[2271] Elephants.

[2272] I was like, hmm, squirrels.

[2273] Oh, seven.

[2274] is interesting for a reason.

[2275] Seven is interesting for a re.

[2276] There's clues in there's a riddle.

[2277] I gave a clue.

[2278] Seven is interesting for a reason.

[2279] Seven is interesting to a person close to us.

[2280] Oh.

[2281] Not Rob.

[2282] Another male in our lives.

[2283] Oh, another man. That loves poached eggs on things.

[2284] Well, he doesn't, but he does.

[2285] What's his favorite animal?

[2286] The squirrel.

[2287] What you'd think?

[2288] Isn't that who he's trying to frolic with?

[2289] You would think.

[2290] The African gray parrot.

[2291] That's his favorite.

[2292] Oh, okay.

[2293] And that's number seven on the list.

[2294] That's pretty good.

[2295] Yeah, really good job, guys.

[2296] Really great station.

[2297] But yours is chimps, and yours was above that.

[2298] Well, mine's crows.

[2299] Sorry, David.

[2300] Oh, yeah.

[2301] Number two.

[2302] Yeah, yours is number two.

[2303] Number three.

[2304] Well, and Dolphins is...

[2305] Number one.

[2306] Yeah.

[2307] Dolphins is number one.

[2308] Yeah.

[2309] I mean, humans is number one.

[2310] Oh, yeah.

[2311] This is number two.

[2312] Okay, eight octopuses.

[2313] Wow, that's cool.

[2314] I love octopause.

[2315] Oh, nine, ding, ding, ding.

[2316] Bonobos.

[2317] Bonobos.

[2318] That came up in the last fact check because we were talking about bombos.

[2319] Oh, right.

[2320] Wow, I'm surprised by 10.

[2321] And I don't like it.

[2322] Dogs.

[2323] No. Oh.

[2324] Okay, who do you think 10?

[2325] And I hate this.

[2326] Right?

[2327] Yeah.

[2328] Okay, so I'm scared to say this, but...

[2329] You don't believe that.

[2330] There's no way a mouse or a rat is more intelligent than orangutan.

[2331] It's just, or a gorilla.

[2332] Coco could sign.

[2333] But anyways, can we just talk about Bonobos for one second?

[2334] So I can tell you why I love them.

[2335] Because you know how they solve all their disputes?

[2336] Sex.

[2337] They're all bisexual.

[2338] They resolve their conflicts with sex.

[2339] When they want food instead of running and grabbing it or attacking, they offer it up.

[2340] That's nice.

[2341] Yeah, they trade sex for food.

[2342] What a peaceful way to do it.

[2343] You don't hear all the screaming and fucking bloodshed and everything.

[2344] Everyone's just climaxing.

[2345] As long as everyone's consenting.

[2346] Yeah, they don't even know what that means.

[2347] Well, that's the problem.

[2348] That's why they're not as smart as a pig, I guess.

[2349] Okay.

[2350] Oh, no. You do not like this list.

[2351] Yeah, 11 and 12 is going to be hard for you.

[2352] Turkey cat.

[2353] Pigeons.

[2354] Oh, okay.

[2355] I actually have heard that, actually, that they are very smart.

[2356] Yeah.

[2357] I guess that's possible.

[2358] I don't know shit about pigeons.

[2359] They can be trained to distinguish Picasso versus Monet.

[2360] Oh, that's cool.

[2361] Twelve crows.

[2362] So this does have crows.

[2363] It's very confusing because crows and ravens are both corpids.

[2364] Oh, my God.

[2365] This is a ding, ding, ding.

[2366] Because in this episode, we talk about Ravens versus Crows.

[2367] What's the diff?

[2368] So they're the same genus, Corvids.

[2369] The books I've read, they don't say one smarter than the other, for whatever that's worth.

[2370] Okay.

[2371] Yeah.

[2372] And then this does, it says phenomenally intelligent, capable of a form of higher thought, previously thought to belong solely to humans and a select few other animals.

[2373] Anyway.

[2374] That was fun.

[2375] So that was top 12, according to sentientmedia .org.

[2376] There might be, I'm sure there's different lists.

[2377] Oh, what about how stuff works?

[2378] Because we like that.

[2379] How Stuff Work is top 10.

[2380] I'm just going to go through them real quick.

[2381] Chimps one on this list.

[2382] Dolphins 2.

[2383] Orangatans 3.

[2384] Okay, it's like I wrote this list.

[2385] These are my guesses.

[2386] Dang, did you do this?

[2387] Four.

[2388] Now I feel much more comfortable.

[2389] Four elephant.

[2390] Uh -huh.

[2391] A five crow.

[2392] Uh -huh.

[2393] Six pig.

[2394] Seven squirrel.

[2395] Really?

[2396] Yeah.

[2397] Oh, fuck.

[2398] Eight pigeon.

[2399] So pigeons make nine octopus, ten rat.

[2400] Oh, wow.

[2401] Okay, so for the most part, besides squirrel and orangutan, I guess, the list is similar.

[2402] It's just all different, though, within.

[2403] Well, you know what's hard is there's all these brackets of intelligence, right?

[2404] There's all these buckets.

[2405] So, like, even when prime intelligence will argue whether a chimp is smarter than orangutan.

[2406] And basically what ends up getting argued is orangutans are masters at imitation, which is an interesting kind of intelligence that other animals can't do, including the chimps.

[2407] So it's like the orangutan can do this one incredible thing.

[2408] The chimps can do this incredible memory thing.

[2409] You then have to figure out which one's more relevant to saying smart.

[2410] That's why it's so murky.

[2411] I think we can agree that humans are the smartest.

[2412] Yes, they are.

[2413] Can I tell you, I just had a bonobo sidebar.

[2414] Can I tell you the orangutan's sidebar?

[2415] Okay.

[2416] I watch this great documentary about this orangutan orphanage that's in Sumatra, Borneo, and this woman raises them.

[2417] They have chores.

[2418] So their chores at this camp are they have to wash clothes.

[2419] And so they wash clothes and they got the whole scrubber and they're on the side of the dock and they wash these clothes for real.

[2420] And then they get to pick anything and have an hour of recreation.

[2421] And their favorite thing to do is to go canoeing.

[2422] You've never seen anything funny.

[2423] In a canoe?

[2424] Oh, yeah, sure.

[2425] Oh, yeah, sure.

[2426] The females, really second highest rate of sexual dimorphism next to guerrillas.

[2427] So the males are two X the size of the females.

[2428] The females are a reasonable size.

[2429] So the females are the ones that canoe?

[2430] They're doing the canoeing, yes.

[2431] And the clothes?

[2432] Of course.

[2433] They got to do women's work.

[2434] The male chimpanzees are working on the mopeds.

[2435] Yeah, they're fixing the small engines, small internal combustion engines.

[2436] But there's nothing better.

[2437] than watching orangutans go for a canoe ride because what they do is they're paddling the canoe and then they get in the middle of this little lake and then they just start smacking each other with the oars.

[2438] Oh, my God.

[2439] It's like right when you think like, look at them.

[2440] They're humans.

[2441] And then you're like, oh, no, they're beating the shit on each other with oars.

[2442] I wonder if there's a video.

[2443] Yeah, put orangutan canoeing.

[2444] It's got to come up.

[2445] Yeah, hold on.

[2446] Here's something.

[2447] Oh, chore monkey.

[2448] Is that that that?

[2449] Nat Geo, trust a branch.

[2450] At the camp leaky research facility, no one trains the orangutans.

[2451] The whole point of the center is to return them to the wild.

[2452] While the humans get on with their daily chores, the orangutans are free to simply do what orangutans do.

[2453] Cano.

[2454] Oh, my God.

[2455] Oh, my God.

[2456] That's actually a male right there.

[2457] It seems, though, they've been watching us.

[2458] They're fucking guys in a canoe.

[2459] That was crazy.

[2460] Maybe it's that we share almost 97 % of our DNA.

[2461] But by close observation, they've learned a very human truth.

[2462] They're going to wash. Laundering may be a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

[2463] Why not them?

[2464] Oh, my God.

[2465] The orangutan scrabbing a sarong, laying it out.

[2466] Oh, my God.

[2467] He's got his little brush.

[2468] Oh, my God.

[2469] In the brush.

[2470] And now the human orangutan laundry operation You're telling me a pig smarter than that animal Well, here's, it's like what you said They don't have hands like that So I don't think a pig would do laundry though I bet they would because they have a stereotype That they're dirty and stinky And they probably want to fix that They want to combat that Aaron had a pig You know, they're smart, don't get me wrong But I but okay, let's just be Fair.

[2471] Yeah.

[2472] We're looking at intelligence as how close it is to us.

[2473] But just that imitation.

[2474] So that's exactly the thing I was talking about.

[2475] They can observe a thing, see an outcome.

[2476] And then they...

[2477] That's amazing.

[2478] And it is amazing.

[2479] Are they mean?

[2480] No. Well, the females are really, really nice.

[2481] The males can be rough.

[2482] The males get too big to live in the canopy.

[2483] So they're separated from the truth.

[2484] Isolation?

[2485] Yes.

[2486] And I think they get a little.

[2487] And then also they, right.

[2488] Okay.

[2489] So all you had to say was no. They're not nice at all.

[2490] That's bad.

[2491] But what they are really curious about is there seems to be a mechanism or the female decides who gets her pregnant.

[2492] That's what's really a real huge mystery is that they get raped, but they don't get pregnant.

[2493] And then the mate they choose, they get pregnant from, which is like how on earth is the body.

[2494] So why are they raping if they're not even going to lead to a baby?

[2495] Because the orangutan male who's horny doesn't know he's fucking to have a baby.

[2496] He's fucking because he has a compulsion to and it feels good.

[2497] But he.

[2498] So it's not like he's doing it to get it.

[2499] He doesn't have the cognition to go, oh, I'm doing this to have a baby.

[2500] But evolution is that.

[2501] It's about spreading your seat.

[2502] Humans don't fuck because they want a baby.

[2503] They fuck because it feels good.

[2504] But the reason we fuck in the first place is because.

[2505] That's the great design of us.

[2506] We don't know.

[2507] Modern or, you know, early man didn't understand how procreation worked.

[2508] Yeah.

[2509] He just had a compulsion to have.

[2510] have sex.

[2511] And then he orgasm, which is this great reward system reinforcement.

[2512] I hate him.

[2513] Well, did you ever see there's crazy footage of Julia Roberts?

[2514] Love her.

[2515] She goes to do a little dock on orangutans and there's a big male and she's close and she's like liking it and liking it.

[2516] And then all of a sudden just grabs her by the neck and he's holding her and these other wranglers come in and start trying to free her.

[2517] And he doesn't like bite her, but he just grabs her and he's holding her and it's very scary for her.

[2518] Of course.

[2519] You'd be fine being around the females in the wild but the males you would, you've got to be careful.

[2520] They're 350 pounds.

[2521] They're so strong.

[2522] Do you think if I was in the wild, they'd be nicer because I have brown skin and dark hair?

[2523] It'd be all over you.

[2524] It'd be worse, right?

[2525] Because they would think I was an orangutan like them.

[2526] No, no, no, no, no. Well, maybe.

[2527] I thought you were saying if you were orangutan.

[2528] No. I would say, yeah, they'd be trying to fuck you all the time.

[2529] No, I'm saying me as Monica.

[2530] If I'm in the wild, they might get confused because I have dark skin.

[2531] No?

[2532] We don't know.

[2533] They're orange.

[2534] It's closer to orange.

[2535] White or olive.

[2536] Brown is closer to orange.

[2537] It is.

[2538] Okay.

[2539] I accept that.

[2540] Not Trump.

[2541] If a male saw you and Trump, Trump is orange.

[2542] Yeah, they'd get confused.

[2543] They would probably go after.

[2544] Trump first?

[2545] I don't know.

[2546] Oh my God.

[2547] Okay.

[2548] Timothy Leary used to ask if he was a Stanford professor.

[2549] His alma mater.

[2550] University of Alabama is where he went to college.

[2551] Say it.

[2552] Roll time.

[2553] That's right.

[2554] That was your chance.

[2555] Okay.

[2556] That's where I didn't even connect it.

[2557] He's where he got his VA.

[2558] Washington State University.

[2559] He got an MS.

[2560] Don't be literal.

[2561] I did not like that.

[2562] Oh, you cringed.

[2563] University of California, Berkeley, Ph .D. Was he a professor at Berkeley or Stanford?

[2564] I think Harvard.

[2565] Oh.

[2566] But let me just do a little dig, dig.

[2567] Double check.

[2568] Assistant clinical professor of medical psychology at the University of California, San Francisco.

[2569] Some other stuff, Oakland.

[2570] Yeah, Harvard.

[2571] Started as a lecture in clinical psychology at Harvard.

[2572] I'm not seeing Stanford in here.

[2573] Okay.

[2574] I don't find it.

[2575] to believe I was wrong about that at all.

[2576] Zero pushback.

[2577] Harvard research.

[2578] I just knew that he was an elite Ivy League professor who said drop acid and drop out, drop out and drop in.

[2579] And he hung out with all the beat poets who I was obsessed with in high school.

[2580] Okay.

[2581] Testosterone for recovery.

[2582] There's this clinical trial.

[2583] Dotgov can testosterone accelerate injury recovery after arthroscopic rotator cuff repair.

[2584] Now, I'm confused by this because I can't find the result.

[2585] Oh, really?

[2586] The findings?

[2587] The findings.

[2588] I was more, what I thought would be more likely is that they put him on Samorlin.

[2589] And Samorlin is a peptide that tells your pituitary gland to make more human growth hormone.

[2590] And human growth hormone accelerates mitosis, which is recovery.

[2591] Right, but you were saying that Tom was put on testosterone.

[2592] And I think Somorland.

[2593] Oh, okay.

[2594] Okay.

[2595] Testosterone is one of the best repair hormones.

[2596] Helps increase circulation, strengthens muscles, increases cognitive function, helps repair brain injury of any kind.

[2597] Oh, brain injury.

[2598] I've had one.

[2599] No. No, I had one.

[2600] I said I've had one.

[2601] If I'm saying something, I already happen.

[2602] Still need it.

[2603] It's hard to navigate this one, the knocking thing.

[2604] I thought it was things you don't want to happen.

[2605] All of them.

[2606] happen all of it.

[2607] Ashton and Reese's movie was called Your Place or Mine.

[2608] Okay.

[2609] It was in the tops on Netflix.

[2610] But you know, those things change a lot.

[2611] They change off.

[2612] We had a funny two days ago we were driving.

[2613] The Netflix billboards are on the way to drop off for the girls' school.

[2614] Uh -huh.

[2615] And so there's two enormous billboards.

[2616] One has Ashton on it.

[2617] The other one has Jonah.

[2618] The girls, you know, they know Ashton pretty well.

[2619] They don't know Jonah.

[2620] But they know them friends with Jonah.

[2621] I've been like FaceTiming with them and they've walked in.

[2622] So she'll go, oh, that's your friend.

[2623] That's your other friend.

[2624] Finally, one of them said it.

[2625] Del's was like, it's weird.

[2626] You know everyone on the billboards.

[2627] And I go, it is right?

[2628] It's very weird.

[2629] Like, when I grew up, I never even saw an actor in real life in Michigan.

[2630] And I do always wonder for you guys, is it weird?

[2631] Because they don't know I'm an actor, really.

[2632] Yes, they do.

[2633] They do, but I've not acted enough in their lifetime that like they associate Kristen with actor a lot more than me because for the last five years I haven't been going to work as an actor I guess they would go on top here but they went and the ranch like Lincoln went with you but she was so young I don't know what it is it's just I can tell they think she's an actor and I'm not okay and I was a boring story but I was just always wondering I'm always curious like that it's so normal to them yeah but it did finally feel like they connected the dot like oh that's weird well they're getting to that age dot connecting dot com dot org it's like when delta said that all your friends were an a a similar thing yeah yeah yeah oh that's kind of funny so i have an a meeting at my house and it's co -ed and um some women showed up yeah and my daughters were so confused because i've only gone to stag meetings and all my friends they know that I know from AA are all men.

[2634] Yes.

[2635] And so like on the side, one of them said like, why are they here?

[2636] I thought you were having an AA meeting.

[2637] And I was like, yeah, yeah.

[2638] Women can be alcoholics too.

[2639] And they were like, what?

[2640] I mean, it blew their mind that women could be alcoholics.

[2641] I was like, how did we get 10 years in?

[2642] And I'm like so above board about this whole thing, addiction in AA.

[2643] And literally they just found out women.

[2644] can be alcoholics.

[2645] Yeah.

[2646] It scrambled them.

[2647] It's really funny.

[2648] Yeah.

[2649] And then you told me that story and I was like, oh no, they're going to be paying attention to my drinking now.

[2650] Right.

[2651] They're going to be on to me. The funniest thing, though, is like, it cracks me up.

[2652] I know we've talked about before, but for kids, modern kids, smoking is like smoking crack.

[2653] It is.

[2654] It's this crazy thing in their mind what smoking is.

[2655] Oh, the best story ever was our friend was explaining.

[2656] I mean, Michael Jackson was on the radio.

[2657] His daughter asked like something about what, you know.

[2658] Michael Jackson.

[2659] Yeah, Michael Jackson.

[2660] And he's like, he was a great musician, but he did some really bad things.

[2661] And the daughter said, well, what bad things?

[2662] And he's like, well, I don't know if I really want to try to explain it.

[2663] And she goes, did he smoke cigarettes?

[2664] Yeah.

[2665] And then the second, she said, did he show his penis to somebody?

[2666] Yes.

[2667] Which of course he did much more than that But it's funny that that would be the order That it would be more offensive to have smoked a cigarette Than to have exposed yourself to somebody Oh, that was a party Partay, great outfit Oh, thank you, thank you It's a velvet velvet velvet velvet Velvet jumpsuit What's the difference between velvet and felt?

[2668] Two different materials Okay, that makes nice and clean, clear Okay, I love you Love you.

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