E100: The Learning Inside of Your Marriage with Special Guest Kimberly Holmes

E100 Introduction

Wow, I can’t believe we have made it to episode 100! I feel a sense of accomplishment with this and I want to start off by thanking my excellent sound editor Chris Rodd. Chris, I couldn’t have done it without you.

And I would like to thank you my listener for giving our show a try and, for many of you, putting it into your regular rotation of podcasts. I really appreciate the follow. And if you are a fan of the show, help us by recommending it to a friend or two or giving us a review on Apple podcasts. Both of these actions help us to continue to grow and get the word out.

As many of you know, one of my interests is how we can best show up as men in our most important relationships. These primary relationships (with our spouses or life partners, with our children, with our siblings and our parents) will inevitably bring our most challenging issues to the surface. They always do.

There is an interesting dynamic at play. These most intimate relationships are the ones we CARE the most about. And what tends to show up in the things we care about the most? Challenges and obstacles. Ones that we seem to sub-consciously put in our own way as we learn to love one another and ourselves unconditionally.

It is not hard to see that is is not always the great parts of us that are in our marriages and partnerships. We each show up with our unique wounds and insecurities. Our neediness, our upsets, our fears.

And there is a paradox at play. We seem to want unconditional love from one another but then keep putting parts of ourselves out there that we don’t even love. It is like we are telling our partners, “I don’t really like this small, needy, insecure part of myself, what do YOU think?”.

We long for the healing of our deepest wounds and then misguidedly ask our poor unsuspecting partner to do the healing. We often don’t suspect that it is ourselves that hold the key to the healing and love we have been looking for from our partners.

I sometimes think that our spouses and life-partners are really here to bear witness to our courage to confront ourselves and to change. They encourage us to be true to ourselves and do our best to love life and them, with a full and open heart.

My guest today knows a lot about learning in a relationship. Let’s go have a conversation.

Kimberly Holmes Bio-

Kimberly Bean Holmes is the CEO of Marriage Helper, an organization that seeks to give couples new resources for their journey. She is also the CEO and Creator of PIES University. Kimberly is also the host of the It Starts With Attraction Podcast. Her videos, podcasts, and following reach over 200K people a month who are making changes and becoming the best that they can be. Here is my interview with Kimberly Holmes.

E100 Final Thoughts-

I hope you enjoyed my interview with Kimberly Holmes. I love what she said about how even if you are the only one to do inner work to help the relationship. This will often be enough to get positive development going. Because some of you might have partners that are not interested in therapy or working on things and that is ok. As long as YOU are willing to work on yourself, things will tend to grow in the relationship as well.

I also love what she said about remember that how you make your spouse FEEL is so important. I think this is such an important point and I think it can get lost in long-term relationships. I know I lose sight of it from time to time.

Lastly, I asked Kimberly for a couple of book recommendations for you and I have a couple as well. Kimberly recommends 8 Datesby Dr. John Gottman and Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. My two relationship books that I love are Getting the Love You Want by Ha

Basecamp for Men E100: The Learning Inside of Your Marriage