Will Ferrell

[0] Hi, my name is Will Farrell, and I feel awkward about being Conan O 'Brien's friend.

[1] Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens, I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[2] because I can tell that we are going to be friends.

[3] Hey, welcome to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend.

[4] This is the podcast where I, Conan, talk to people I've interviewed over the years on my TV job and try and figure out what's really the deal with us.

[5] Are we friends?

[6] Is it all fake?

[7] What's going on with us?

[8] That's my quest.

[9] And I'm joined by, I would say, trusty assistant.

[10] I don't think that's, I don't think you're trusty assistant, but Sonam of Sessian.

[11] What do you think?

[12] Yeah, I'm trusty and hello.

[13] Okay.

[14] And of course, Matt Gourley, who's a podcast extraordinarian, an expert.

[15] Oh, hi.

[16] You are.

[17] You're very good at this podcast stuff.

[18] And so are you, and I thank you.

[19] I don't know anything about it.

[20] I am just babbling, which I've done since I was born, but you have been mad skills to make sense of all of this.

[21] And I appreciate you being here.

[22] The three of us together, we're going to get our way through this.

[23] You were really nice to him.

[24] And you were so shitty.

[25] it wasn't shitty to you said are you trusty i've been with you for a very long time and uh and what and i think i've done a good percentage of the things that you've asked me to do over the years you think above 60 percent i don't think over i think no i don't think over 60 but it's just you know you're like trustee no no no you're like oh my god you're wonderful and it's just not nice I'm just impressed that he's so skilled at what he does, but you are a nice person.

[26] Wait a minute.

[27] What?

[28] Am I not a nice person?

[29] I don't know.

[30] I don't know you personally.

[31] Yeah.

[32] Maybe we'll be friends.

[33] That's not going to happen.

[34] You're across from me wearing a headset.

[35] That's not going to happen.

[36] You spend so much time doing podcasts, I'm sure that you're just insufferable.

[37] That's sadly true.

[38] Right?

[39] Yeah.

[40] You're constantly saying, boy, this is a great chicken sandwich, but now a word about this amazing new mattress.

[41] This is hitting home.

[42] See, that's where I could teach you a thing or two.

[43] I appreciate it.

[44] Today's guest is Will Ferrell.

[45] I don't think anybody's ever made me laugh harder than Will Ferrell.

[46] And he's right here and he's got the dead eyes of a shark.

[47] Will Ferrell.

[48] Hey, Will.

[49] What I love about the audio space, is that the right term?

[50] Yes.

[51] Is that it's refreshing and there's a certain, there's a level of honesty or at least perceived honesty when you're listening to these things so yeah that's what uh like a mark marron are people like yeah i think that's his is so good you know what you do that for what you do that for what number podcast is this for you by the way i think this is this is maybe the first this might be this the trial balloon this is the first time i've heard my own speaking voice and you're loving it horrible i've i sound like an irate woman you have a good voice don't sell yourself i don't love my voice.

[52] I want to say, I want to start it with this.

[53] I don't think you should be here.

[54] I think it was a mistake.

[55] You are too big a star to come in.

[56] You have lowered yourself to be here.

[57] This was a mistake.

[58] I'm just focusing on the sound blankets taped to the walls here.

[59] This is the room where they shot Joe Pesci and good fellas, yeah, where they've stenciled Conan.

[60] Yeah.

[61] It does.

[62] It really does look like we're preparing for a murder.

[63] This is, this is crazy.

[64] Why would you, what's with your management?

[65] I told you when I saw you.

[66] Yeah.

[67] You grabbed me by the shoulders.

[68] And I said, I will not do your podcast.

[69] You said that, and you said it was the conviction of a man whose legs were on fire, and I thought he's telling the truth.

[70] You went, okay, okay.

[71] Yeah, yeah.

[72] It's all right.

[73] Yeah, yeah.

[74] And I respected you for that decision.

[75] You're Will Ferrell.

[76] You've made over four movies.

[77] Over four movies in Jamaica alone.

[78] Yes.

[79] Yeah.

[80] We'll get back to that.

[81] Okay.

[82] I know your management, Mr. Jimmy Miller.

[83] Right.

[84] I think he made a mistake.

[85] I don't think you should be here.

[86] I think this was...

[87] Well, I'm here.

[88] This was an easy pass for you, and you shouldn't be here.

[89] I can pass right now.

[90] You could.

[91] And we can just cut this thing in half, or not even in half.

[92] Yeah.

[93] But you're here.

[94] God, I want to walk out this door right now.

[95] Listen, you can't.

[96] The door has been sealed.

[97] Oh, my God, it has.

[98] They're literally, they're sealing it right now.

[99] They have welding duct tape and extra fernie blankets.

[100] So just a couple, not very recently.

[101] You never know when these things air, so I'm just going to say very recently.

[102] I shared the stage with you at the Greek theater and you were Ron Burgundy and you were, when you become Ron Burgundy, you do things that no one else in comedy can do.

[103] I was stood backstage and you as Ron started to talk about, for any other comedian it would be an aside.

[104] You just mentioned we're here at the Greek, it's nice, we're nestled in the hills here in Hollywood.

[105] Now some wolves.

[106] You started to talk about wolves being in the hills.

[107] And I watched, as you talked about wolves coming out of the hills, coyotes.

[108] Coyotes, Coyotes, for maybe 15 minutes, and you wouldn't let it go.

[109] And it was hilarious.

[110] You went at least 14 minutes longer than any other humans.

[111] It would ever go on about coyotes.

[112] Yeah, there is something about doing Ron Burgundy, because he's an expert on everything in his own mind.

[113] And it's great if the audience is laughing.

[114] Obviously.

[115] They were laughing very hard, yeah.

[116] But it's even better when they're not, because it's just, love to punish them and just they can't go anywhere and Ron just has a captive audience.

[117] Well, it's nice because it's not you in that moment.

[118] You, Will is somewhere else.

[119] Ron is on stage.

[120] I was also just screaming names of communities at them.

[121] Yes.

[122] Because if you've been to the Greek theater, for those listeners at home, it's up in the Los Felis area, Griffith Park area.

[123] And so I kept I kept referencing the communities down in San Diego.

[124] Yes.

[125] Because I'd driven, I'd rent at a car to drive to the Greek theater.

[126] But I kept saying, I had a list of like 15 communities, which are foreign to the LA audience.

[127] But I just like, anyone from Rancho Panasquitos here tonight?

[128] And there'd just be like a smattering of applause.

[129] I want to hear you in cantata.

[130] And but somehow they came with me on it and I just kept, yeah.

[131] Well, then you started talking.

[132] about how on your drive -up, you're on the 101, but then you get on the 134.

[133] So you switch to the 5.

[134] To the 7 -10.

[135] And again, I kept saying, stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me. But what I loved as a longtime admire viewers, I get to ask this a lot.

[136] People say, who makes you laugh the hardest?

[137] And I consistently say, Will Ferrell, because he doesn't care.

[138] He goes down these deep, deep wells.

[139] He does not care if you're coming with him or not.

[140] And you follow him out of fascination.

[141] And I don't know where that comes from.

[142] You have dead shark eyes and you are.

[143] I think it's that thing.

[144] You know, and it happened on my audition for Sarah and I Live.

[145] You know, they do it different every year, as you know.

[146] But that year that I did it, everyone had to do it in 8H.

[147] And it was, there's no audience.

[148] and there's just a camera and someone holding a boom mic and just the glow of Lauren Michael's cigarette as he smokes it no but he doesn't smoke in the darkness no but you're literally alone yes and it's so intimidating and so awful that I was like oh it can't get any worse than this so I'll just try to relish the moment so that same I've kind of just followed that practice.

[149] You've always done that.

[150] I remember early on when you were on Sharnat Live and you were not, you did well right away, but you had.

[151] Sort of.

[152] Sort of, but you, it hadn't.

[153] I was announced the most annoying newcomer.

[154] Were you really?

[155] Yes.

[156] Yes.

[157] Okay.

[158] Sherry O 'Terry was like the outbreak star.

[159] Yeah.

[160] And then Will Ferrell, most annoying newcomer.

[161] Yeah.

[162] Okay.

[163] There's one guy not to watch.

[164] This guy won't shut up.

[165] Yeah.

[166] But you have forgotten about that.

[167] Oh, I say it in my prayers every night.

[168] So I remember that I was doing the late -night show on the sixth floor.

[169] Because when did you start?

[170] 93.

[171] Yeah.

[172] What year did you start?

[173] 95.

[174] Okay.

[175] Yeah.

[176] So right around the time my show is sort of starting to jail and get up and running, it took us about two years to figure out which, what the hell we were doing.

[177] Right.

[178] But I remembered a guy who worked on our show also hung out at Starat Live and he was talking about you.

[179] Okay.

[180] And he said, there's this guy.

[181] Will Ferrell, and he's really funny, but he does these things, and I don't know if he's kidding or not, or if he's crazy.

[182] And I said, what do you mean?

[183] And he said, he did a, tell me if this is true.

[184] This is what I heard at the time.

[185] And I'm pretty sure it's not lore.

[186] He told me that, no, this guy will, this kid will.

[187] The last sketch that he was in on Saturday Night Live, he had to be dressed in a certain costume.

[188] Oh, the Jerry Reed outfit.

[189] Yes, like a full -on country music star outfit.

[190] And he wore it to the after party, which Saturday Life always has, and then continued to wear it for weeks.

[191] Well, not only for weeks for the whole entire second half of the season.

[192] Yes, yes, yes.

[193] And I had a friend of mine, then people started to tell me, I kept thinking he's going to drop it.

[194] So then weeks later, someone would say, I was at the Natural History Museum, and I saw Will Ferrell walking down the street in his country.

[195] Western costume.

[196] I'll describe the outfit to you.

[197] Wrangler jeans, like 1970s Nike track shoes, a Western shirt with a down vest and a trucker's cap.

[198] Trucker's cap.

[199] And I was playing Jerry Reed.

[200] Yep.

[201] From the smoking -in -the -banded movie.

[202] Great musician.

[203] In a sketch that for some reason, you remember how the shooting days went at SNL, we had a pre -taped, but we shot part of it in the first part of the day, and we weren't shooting the second part until the next.

[204] So I decided, I'm just going to hang out my Jerry Reed costume all day during rehearsal.

[205] And whatever, but then I decided to wear it to the after party.

[206] Then I wear it to the pitch meeting the following Monday.

[207] And then it was this writer Tom Giannis, who was like, because it was a run of three shows.

[208] He was like, please wear it for the next show too.

[209] So I started wearing it show week number two, then show week number three.

[210] And I thought, okay, this was funny enough.

[211] And it was Tom was like, please wear it for the rest of the year.

[212] It'll be so inspirational.

[213] And I'm like, you're right, Tom.

[214] I have to do this.

[215] I don't know why this was a, I don't know why this was a badge of honor.

[216] Yeah.

[217] So I'm like, there's no reason not to.

[218] And it became this beautiful comedy litmus test.

[219] And it would get funnier and funnier and funnier to people.

[220] Other people would be like, there are the people who were more of the staff.

[221] Would you stop?

[222] What's wrong with you?

[223] Right.

[224] Now, I didn't wear it consecutive.

[225] I would launder it on occasion.

[226] Yeah.

[227] But for the most part, I wore it from February to May. Yes.

[228] Yeah.

[229] And at one point, I had, Alec Baldwin was hosting, and he said, are those your normal clothes?

[230] Is this an outfit you normally wear?

[231] And I go, I go, I don't know how to explain this to you.

[232] But no, this is like a long -running joke.

[233] He's like, good, because it's not a good look for you.

[234] And I can see him with those eyes, those piercing eyes.

[235] And he was giving me, like, brotherly advice.

[236] And I go, oh, oh, no, I, I, I, I, I. know it's not, but I'm, but once again, that became a thing where, oh, I got to keep wearing it.

[237] And, yeah, finished out the year wearing the, uh, Jerry Reid outfit.

[238] You also did something that no one's ever done before, which I loved.

[239] Again, I'm doing my show.

[240] I love.

[241] I'm trying to remember what it will be.

[242] I'll tell you.

[243] I think you will remember.

[244] I'm doing my show down on late night and at the late night show.

[245] And again, we're just a couple of floors.

[246] Yeah, you guys are on the sixth floor.

[247] Sixth floor.

[248] And so you, you.

[249] you, you came to us and you said, I have a funny idea and I don't think they like it at Sarnat Live, but I could do it on your show.

[250] And we said, sure.

[251] And, you know, we're doing an hour a night.

[252] Yeah.

[253] And so you played a character called Scrub -a -dub.

[254] Oh, no, this was, this was written by Adam McKay.

[255] It was written by Adam McKay, the great Adam McKay.

[256] But you played scrub -a -dub.

[257] Right.

[258] And Adam McKay wrote it.

[259] And so you guys came to us, it was both of you, and said, can we do it on your show?

[260] And we were like, you know, it was someone saying, do you want a Bugatti?

[261] Yes, yes, we want a Bugatti.

[262] You guys came and scrub a dub.

[263] It's hard to describe, but he's like a Mr. Clean.

[264] Obnoxious Mr. Clean.

[265] He's an obnoxious Mr. Clean.

[266] He's out of control.

[267] And it was a sketch where we're going to have a website soon where you can look up all the old stuff in high resolution.

[268] And this is one of them.

[269] But it was kind of like a running ad throughout your show.

[270] It was a running ad.

[271] Live ad.

[272] You kept.

[273] And I would move on, you'd say, I'm scrubbedub, and you were, I think you were bald and you had the muscular, muscular, Mr. Clean outfit.

[274] And then I would say, okay, well, that's great, scrubbed up.

[275] And I would move on.

[276] And then you'd be in the corner and you'd be playing craps with dice.

[277] And you'd be yelling, come on, come on, luck be my leader tonight, scrub a dub.

[278] And you kept, it got violent.

[279] Yep.

[280] It got out of control.

[281] At one point of spray painting on your, on the set.

[282] You were a spray painting.

[283] And you kept interrupting.

[284] So here's the great thing about it No one had told Lorne No one had asked Lauren's permission Because we didn't know We didn't know anything We're all kids We're all kids and we're all just doing Well this is funny They wouldn't do it on Saturday Lab So we'll do it here We'll just bring it out So the next thing We get this call from Lorne Who's executive producing our show But he doesn't know If we just get this call We're just like you know If you're going to use my people Would you let me And I think you got a talking to Yeah I did too You got a talking to I think Adam McKay got a talking to, which was, you know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But we were just completely like, well, oh, they don't want to use it here.

[285] Let's just, well, let's call up Conan and his guys.

[286] And that started this thing where the most consistent thing I hear from fans is that your appearances were always these conceptual thought pieces, comedy pieces, where you would commit and your commitment would make me commit.

[287] I would never say this is a bit.

[288] Right.

[289] So there's the time you, through very complicated pre -tapes, you heckled yourself.

[290] Playing a guy with a mustache and a Michael Jackson glove.

[291] Yeah, and a Michael Jackson jacket.

[292] Jacket that was too small.

[293] So you came out to try stand -up, Will Ferrell.

[294] And then we cut to you with a mustache.

[295] Heckling myself.

[296] Yeah.

[297] Heckling yourself.

[298] And then the heckling gets between the two of you and you say, hey, I'm just trying to do something here.

[299] And then you as yourself being a total dick.

[300] And you kept wiping the mustache with your finger and gesturing to it and being a total prick.

[301] And then you charged yourself.

[302] And everyone in the audience was like, well, how's this going to happen?

[303] Because the guy in the audience is a pre -tap.

[304] Oh, that's right.

[305] How were you two going to interface?

[306] And then we cut to a, you insisted on a body double who was a little person in a Michael Jackson jacket.

[307] Right.

[308] Who tackles you.

[309] So suddenly the reits me up.

[310] And beats you up.

[311] It doesn't match you in any way.

[312] way, shape, or form.

[313] Thank God for your late night show because that was like, that was like comedy heaven where I knew there were other talk shows that were, you know, very lovely to do.

[314] However, they had their set rules as to what they were comfortable doing.

[315] And you guys were always like, let's do it.

[316] Let's try it.

[317] Yeah.

[318] There was, there was one where you, we had the drum off where I wanted to show off my drumming against a nine -year -old kid who is.

[319] was a nine or two he was like 11 he was like 11 yeah but a really good drummer and i can't play and he blows me away and i chase him off the set um yeah i mean that was uh i was once doing charlie rose and he was asking about doing late night tv and all the talk shows and i literally started going down like just unabashedly going oh this one's fun you know you know always doing letterman it's it's such a cool thing but but hands down conan is the best and charlie rose went careful, careful.

[320] Like he didn't want me to play favorites anyway, but I'm like, I mean, he's the, and I saw it, he was trying to not let me put my foot in my mouth, but no, you guys were just...

[321] I think time has proven that his judgment was best.

[322] Yes, right.

[323] You know, we have to do it.

[324] We have to take a quick break.

[325] We'll be right back.

[326] And now it's time for a segment called Conan O 'Brien pays off the mortgage on his beach house.

[327] Yeah, we've been over this before, but I, took a pretty large mortgage, and then I borrowed against the mortgage, and then I took another mortgage.

[328] Financially not the smartest move.

[329] That sounds like a lot of bad decisions.

[330] Yeah.

[331] But if it's enabled me to read ads, then maybe it's led me to my true calling in life, don't you think?

[332] You think ad reading is your true calling?

[333] It might be the only thing I do well.

[334] Okay.

[335] I decided.

[336] And then we're back.

[337] Just like that.

[338] Yeah, we did nothing.

[339] That was a good break.

[340] Your level of commitment was what we were talking about.

[341] And I tell people that...

[342] Wait, back, sorry.

[343] Back to Ron Burgundy at this live charity show.

[344] Yeah.

[345] I didn't even tell you about this component because Jerry Seinfeld was doing stand -up as part of our show.

[346] And I ran into his longtime manager, George Shapiro.

[347] George Shapiro, yeah.

[348] And he has very set rules as to how Jerry likes to be introduced and doesn't want a lot of...

[349] They just want, ladies and gentlemen, Jerry Seinfeld, and he has to...

[350] have a stool and, you know, every comedian has their particular things that they want a certain way.

[351] And so he was like, he was like, hey, Will, yeah, Ron Burgundy.

[352] I love it.

[353] And, you know, keep it short.

[354] And I was like, well, you got to tell that to Ron Burgundy.

[355] Ha, ha, ha.

[356] And then I could tell it made his head spin in such a way.

[357] Because I knew we had this crazy intro for Jerry as Ron that yeah, yeah.

[358] And luckily Jerry thought it was really fun.

[359] I was backstage because we had just finished our bit.

[360] I'm standing backstage.

[361] and when Jerry is about to go on.

[362] Yes, yes.

[363] And so I was standing here because I'm just, you know, interested to see.

[364] And the transition.

[365] The transition.

[366] And, you know, the crowd excited about Conan and then just sort of having to settle down for Jerry.

[367] Yeah.

[368] You know, well, Jerry was brought in to cool it off a little bit after Conan, which is generally his role.

[369] Well, we shut the show down.

[370] Yeah.

[371] To cool it down.

[372] Yeah.

[373] Yeah.

[374] Anyway, so Jerry comes in and, you know, crowd's filing out.

[375] I don't, he's not, I'm told he's not that powerful in the business.

[376] I'm just going to go after him.

[377] He's not.

[378] He can't hurt you.

[379] Yeah, he can't.

[380] He can't hurt people.

[381] He can't hurt you.

[382] No, no, no. I'm in a very small room.

[383] Not the man. Not the main man. Protected by his fernie blankets.

[384] So, but yeah, you go on and on and on and you start listing his credits, which includes you've seen him on the Arsenio Hall show.

[385] This is for Jerry Seinfeld.

[386] You know him from Arsenio Hall.

[387] The Magic Johnson Talk Show.

[388] You know him from the Seinfeld Show.

[389] show reruns.

[390] You listed the local affiliate.

[391] Anyway, he was backstage and he was howling, which was, he was really laughing hard.

[392] He wrote me a really nice.

[393] Yeah, he said he had a great time.

[394] And I'm like, thanks for indulging Ron with the long.

[395] He's like, oh, yeah, I loved it.

[396] But anyway, you and I have something in common.

[397] We both sort of.

[398] We share the same birthday.

[399] No, we don't.

[400] No, we don't.

[401] Sorry, go ahead.

[402] I got excited for a second, but I've never seen you at Denny's for the free cake on the day I'm there.

[403] You're always there at Denny's, right?

[404] You're free cake?

[405] When I can get a free cake.

[406] Forget it.

[407] I was in the groundlings.

[408] Right.

[409] I was in the groundlings before you.

[410] You were a contemporary of Lisa Kudrow's.

[411] Lisa Kudrow.

[412] Or shall I say she was of you?

[413] That means nothing.

[414] So you start by taking the classes.

[415] Yes.

[416] That's what happens at the groundlings here in Los Angeles.

[417] You take the classes.

[418] They have really cool names.

[419] Beginning, Intermediate, and Advantage.

[420] so what I've always thought was hilarious was Lisa was so historically funny and some people have sometimes thought they sometimes make people repeat at the groundlings just to get but you know we'll make a little more money you know so Lisa was just hilarious and then they were I remember them telling Lisa she had to repeat you should take this class again you gotta keep working on your chops I just think one more and basically it was like you know one more round of payments maybe yeah you'll really improve your comedy chops that's hilarious yeah she and I were there at the same time I didn't actually ever join the ground this because I left to write at Saturday Night Live but I did all the classes you went all the way did you go to the Sunday show I was about to go to the Sunday show when I had to leave yeah for gainful employment for gainful employment rather than pay to be on stage I was paid that's always so funny to talk to anyone who'd come from Second City in Chicago they were like how would you make at the ground so I'm like no you had to pay yeah to perform there yeah yeah Yeah, and then when you're on the main stage, you finally didn't have to pay.

[421] I didn't make any money.

[422] No, they, I think the key is that Second City, I think they serve drinks, and they serve food, and you can buy T -shirts in the lobby.

[423] You can actually...

[424] The Groundlings never cracked that.

[425] No, no. But I did that, and I remembered hearing about you later on.

[426] I remembered hearing about you at the Groundings as this incredibly funny guy.

[427] My sister, Jane was at the Groundling, and she said there's this, she would rave about you.

[428] And I said from the...

[429] Thanks to Jane.

[430] Yeah.

[431] I said from the sound of it, he doesn't have it, is what I said at the time.

[432] I was very defensive.

[433] So, yeah.

[434] Incompetitive.

[435] Without even knowing me. All I heard was someone else is funny.

[436] And I said, doesn't sound funny to me. She hadn't even given an example of how you might be funny.

[437] That's all I needed to know.

[438] I think that says a lot about you.

[439] I don't see that.

[440] All right.

[441] I just am very, I root against other people in comedy.

[442] What does that say about me?

[443] I know.

[444] You're an awful human being.

[445] Oh.

[446] Oh.

[447] When others succeed in comedy, I'm enraged.

[448] Right.

[449] Is that not good?

[450] You need to let that go.

[451] I want you to do worse than you're doing it.

[452] So I can feel better about me. Right.

[453] What's wrong with that?

[454] You're not going to get anyone on this podcast, that's for sure.

[455] By the way, my crusade after doing this is to tell no one else to do it.

[456] You're going to tell that you're going to spread that out of?

[457] Oh, my God.

[458] I'm getting right on the old social media.

[459] Is that what it's called?

[460] It's called the Soch.

[461] Is that what the kids are?

[462] I should know.

[463] I was on Twitter for four days.

[464] And then shut it down.

[465] Did you enjoy it?

[466] I really, I got way too sweaty and nervous.

[467] Yeah.

[468] It was too much pressure.

[469] Yeah.

[470] I don't read anything about...

[471] No. No, no, no. I'm not interested in anyone's opinion of what I'm doing about my work.

[472] Not because I'm thick -skinned, because I'm thin -skinned.

[473] Totally.

[474] And I really don't want to hear an anonymous person say, who has not.

[475] Nothing to lose, say...

[476] Well, all the good reviews that I have been forwarded...

[477] Where's my cough button?

[478] We don't have that.

[479] Next year, we'll get enough budget for a cough button.

[480] Jeez, Louise.

[481] Oh.

[482] You said...

[483] We're going to have to edit this whole part.

[484] This shows you as a human being.

[485] I always get...

[486] I don't read anything, you know, reviews or anything.

[487] Right.

[488] Except for the idle, like...

[489] You should read the one, though.

[490] It's a great one.

[491] And it inevitably always starts...

[492] with, I've never liked this guy.

[493] However, he was a pleasant surprise in his role as the cat burglar.

[494] Sona, what do I read?

[495] Nothing.

[496] I mean, novels.

[497] No, no, no, no, no, I mean, yeah, novels, but only if they're about me. No, do I read any press?

[498] It could be the most glowing review of something you've done, you won't read it.

[499] And the reason, even if it's glowing, is that what will I find?

[500] If it's good, you'll always find the one line.

[501] No, you'll find the one thing.

[502] That makes you go, really?

[503] Yeah.

[504] You know, though saddled with, you know, a horrible lack of humor, O 'Brien's managed to overcome it.

[505] You know, whatever.

[506] And then it goes on to say.

[507] The only time bad reviews are fun is when something has done really well.

[508] You can tell critical masses, you know, some of the most amazing reviews we ever got were on stepbrothers.

[509] Yeah.

[510] So we were already feeling like, oh, this is hitting all the right spots.

[511] We've made something good.

[512] And the best one was Roger Ebert.

[513] And the review was like, whatever you do, do not see this movie.

[514] Oh, wow.

[515] Do not tell your friends about it.

[516] Do not buy it when it comes out on DVD.

[517] And I think he literally wrote like, this is like the sign of the end times, that this kind of creative venture is being supported.

[518] It is juvenile asset, like everything.

[519] He's just like, and you're just like, why do people, why are they making this?

[520] And it was just old man voice as you read it.

[521] And we were like, oh, that's so nice.

[522] Because you felt secure.

[523] And it was so off.

[524] And it was so off.

[525] But it was only out of security could we read them.

[526] I am happy if I've doubled down or committed to something.

[527] You mentioned Tom Giannis.

[528] Tom Giannis helped direct a writer, director, a show in Chicago that I did way back in 1988.

[529] You probably weren't born yet.

[530] Oh, with Odenkirk and.

[531] Smigel.

[532] Happy, happy, good show.

[533] We did this stage show in Chicago.

[534] and I used to do a character, I would have Bob go out and very pompously, Bob Odenkirk would go out and pompously tell the crowd that thing of Conan through improv is working on a character and he is going to come out now and he's going to do his character and it's a very rich character and you're to ask him questions and we're all going to build the character some more together.

[535] And it was this very, because this is how, you know, this really pompous thing.

[536] And this is, it's in Chicago which is the birth, you know, improv and they're really...

[537] And they're going to...

[538] And so by your question, You'll see Conan on stage, add more depth to his character.

[539] Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Spoon Eye.

[540] And I came out, and I had a spoon wedged in my eye, and I talked like a pirate.

[541] And I go, I'm Spoonai, I am Spoonai.

[542] And people were trying to help me in the crowd.

[543] So they would, ah, questions for me, and we'll build the character C, Spoon Eye, I be.

[544] Any questions?

[545] And so these people would say things like, what's your favorite song?

[546] Like a classic song It has river in it Like they want me to go Spoon River instead of Moon River And I'd go, I know what you're talking about The Spoonie Spoon -Spoon song Oh Spoony Spoon -And then it was a total fuck you And then someone else would say What's your favorite way to lie in bed With your girlfriend And instead of saying spooing I'd say On a Spoony Spoon bed The crowd would become enraged And this critic wrote a thing And he said, I went to this show and I like the show, but then Mr. O 'Brien took the stage with his Spoon -Eye character.

[547] I saw him miss opportunity after opportunity.

[548] I was so happy.

[549] That Kristen Wigg and I did a lifetime movie, which unfortunately I need to give lifetime permission to air it more often because not that many people, but I always had this idea to take comedy people and do a lifetime movie straight up.

[550] So we did a lifetime movie called Deadly Adoption, and it was amazing.

[551] And we played it totally straight.

[552] we all the actors had to sign non -disclosure that they would and guys on the cast were like is this supposed to be funny i'm like no this is just a change in direction i just love the script and uh so it's the most melodramatic it's this amazing kind of meta thing anyway two reviews rolling stone totally got what we're doing but the new york times television critic whoever this was like it just baffled his mind and said while christin wigg has proven she has is a dramatic actress.

[553] Mr. Farrell, if it's supposed to be funny, it's not funny.

[554] And as an actor, he's terrible.

[555] This, he could not figure out what was going on, which was bliss, absolute bliss.

[556] Yeah.

[557] Yeah.

[558] The only thing I've ever seen that sort of, it's an analogy, if you've seen the movie the right stuff, there's a moment where.

[559] Have not.

[560] Okay.

[561] Well, this is awkward.

[562] You could have just, it's about astronauts.

[563] I should have let it.

[564] Just edit me out when I say have not, but I haven't seen it.

[565] Go ahead.

[566] If you keep saying that, we can't edit.

[567] We don't, we don't have the budget.

[568] The right stuff.

[569] What is it about?

[570] Oh, it's about astronauts.

[571] It's about space.

[572] But anyway.

[573] But I haven't seen it.

[574] There's a part where they get up into the atmosphere, that part of the atmosphere that's not yet outer space, but not.

[575] And the light gets blue and it gets really weird.

[576] I've always thought in comedy, if you keep pushing something beyond when it's not funny, you can get to this.

[577] It's funny.

[578] Then it's not funny.

[579] Then it's really not funny.

[580] then people are getting a little irritated.

[581] If you keep going, there's this magical blue light.

[582] You can, yeah, and I believe you are the...

[583] It's holding your hand over the flame for a little while and just seeing how long before it gets really hot.

[584] You also did.

[585] I was there when you got your Mark Twain Award, and it was the funniest acceptance speech.

[586] I've ever seen anybody give, and then you did this brilliant thing where you finally, you finally, you're always.

[587] holding the Twain Award.

[588] You say what you did.

[589] Well, which I was...

[590] So I had this idea, and I was so thankful that they said yes without a hitch because I was preparing for this battle.

[591] Because it can get stodgy that event.

[592] Right.

[593] And they want to see what your speech is going to be ahead of time.

[594] And I was thinking, oh, it would be so funny because you're handed the bust and it sits on a stool while you give your speech.

[595] And so I thought, God, it would be great to go to set up.

[596] it down and just break it and miss the stool and have it just explode on the stage and then just play off of the oh geez what could so but and i was thinking they're they're going to be like we can't do that the sanctity of the and i was building up my my whole argument that the mark twain himself would have wanted this and luckily they were like hilarious that's great so uh yeah so they allowed me to do it they and i then just very delicately stacked a crumbed mumbled mass onto the stool and then read my speech as if I was standing in front of a perfectly intact Mark Twain Award.

[597] But the audience gasp mixed with realizing that it was all a setup.

[598] But it was really fun.

[599] And I can assure you the Oscars, the Emmys, the Grammys, the times I've done an award show or been around an award show, they act like their award.

[600] is the goblet that Christ drank from in the Last Supper.

[601] That's how they act like it.

[602] And if you have a funny idea that involves, they're like, well, we'd love to help you, but that's an Emmy.

[603] Here's the thing.

[604] That's an Emmy.

[605] Let me get back to you.

[606] So, Conan, we talked.

[607] Oh, my God, we love it.

[608] However, is there any way?

[609] Yeah.

[610] The voice always goes up.

[611] My favorite thing ever was, not my favorite thing ever, but involving an award show, One of my favorite moments was a, I did an NFL honors once, and I had, I thought, really good jokes.

[612] Right.

[613] Jokes were fine.

[614] And then I had really good slams on the commissioner of football.

[615] Perfect.

[616] Roger Goodell.

[617] Roger Goodell.

[618] Yeah.

[619] And, um, were you hosting or?

[620] I was hosting.

[621] Yeah.

[622] Okay.

[623] And so he comes in and he's this very, uh, neatly cooffed, absolutely.

[624] Straight time.

[625] Kind of all business.

[626] All business.

[627] And he comes in and.

[628] But he sees me a comedy guy.

[629] Sure.

[630] He's just like, what hell, you rascal, Conan.

[631] Can't wait for tonight.

[632] And wait for the night.

[633] You see what you're up to you, trickster.

[634] And I said, we have a couple of jokes about you.

[635] And he said, they're going to be fine.

[636] They're going to be fine.

[637] Whatever you want to do.

[638] And I said, you're sure.

[639] And he said, sure, I'll take a look.

[640] But I'm fine with all of them.

[641] I just want you to be you and have a good time.

[642] And I said, well, thanks a lot, Mr. Goodell.

[643] Please, call me Roger Goodell.

[644] It's like, okay.

[645] And then.

[646] Not Roger.

[647] Roger Goodell.

[648] Commissioner.

[649] Yeah.

[650] Yeah, okay.

[651] So then he turns and he walks over about 10 feet from me and he's talking to someone and the woman.

[652] A person then gumbles back to you?

[653] No, a woman comes over and hands him the sheet of jokes and he reads through the sheet of jokes and I have like six jokes on him.

[654] And then he hands the sheet back to her and she comes to her and he says, uh, none of those are acceptable.

[655] Of course.

[656] Eight seconds had passed since, oh, you have fun, you minx.

[657] Yeah, that's what the, that first, one of those first espy years, SNL was producing the espies.

[658] Who did you mom?

[659] And Norm McDonald, Norm was hosting, is that Radio City.

[660] And I came out as Harry Carey.

[661] Yes.

[662] And they just wrote, you know, and we just went around a room and roasted.

[663] Who's teeth did you go after?

[664] You went after someone's teeth.

[665] And I don't know who it was, but you, and you were a very prominent quarterback at the time.

[666] And you were like, gee, think you'd have the money to get his teeth fixed.

[667] And they cut to him and this makes it, please find it.

[668] It makes it a thousand times funnier.

[669] He is stoning you.

[670] Yes.

[671] And there were other athletes.

[672] And it was just Harry Carey not really knowing who's out there and thinking he was at the Source Awards or something.

[673] I don't know.

[674] And like just anyway, it was apparently it was talked about in the halls of ESPN for decades later.

[675] Like let's not have another Will Ferrell Harry Carey moment.

[676] Yeah.

[677] Their loss, I say.

[678] Yeah, me too.

[679] I don't want to keep you any longer.

[680] I know that you are having facial surgery today.

[681] I am having not only facial surgery, but butt implants, finally.

[682] So, all right.

[683] It's a big day, and I'm doing it myself.

[684] Not a mistake.

[685] No, I can do it.

[686] I've got a monitor system.

[687] It'll be easy.

[688] You're going to lie at a table.

[689] You're going to lie on a table.

[690] You're acting it out.

[691] Acting it out.

[692] I'm acting out right now.

[693] Okay, that's good on a podcast.

[694] Act it out.

[695] You're really good acting stuff out.

[696] My own butt implants.

[697] I maintain this was a mistake.

[698] You shouldn't have been here.

[699] Well, we'll see.

[700] We'll see.

[701] Fine.

[702] You maintain a mistake, and I will make it my crusade and my life's work to tell people to not do this podcast.

[703] And you will.

[704] I cannot thank you enough.

[705] And I maintain your, there's some funny people on the planet, but Will Ferrell has them all beat by Country Mel.

[706] I really believe that.

[707] Thank you.

[708] And you, you've done nothing.

[709] I'm filled with goodwill and warmth and good cheer whenever I even think about you.

[710] You've just been such a good guy to me over the years.

[711] and I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and hilarious.

[712] Thanks so much.

[713] Thanks, everyone.

[714] Great job, everybody.

[715] Great job.

[716] All right, Will, Conan's gone.

[717] You said that you felt awkward about being his friend.

[718] It got a little contentious there.

[719] How do you feel now after talking with him?

[720] I feel so much better.

[721] It's the longest conversation we've ever had.

[722] And I got, you know, I got to look into parts of his soul that I wasn't able to look into before.

[723] Yeah, I know.

[724] I don't.

[725] I definitely, how do I say it?

[726] I don't feel as awkward.

[727] I now just feel slightly nervous.

[728] Do you think it will happen?

[729] What?

[730] Friendship.

[731] Oh, hmm.

[732] That's a real long shot.

[733] Look, I'm a pragmatist.

[734] And yeah, if I had to put money on it, no. Thank you.

[735] Yeah.

[736] What is this now?

[737] What are we doing?

[738] We're going to listen to some questions that fans have for you.

[739] We're going to actually hear the fans.

[740] Yes.

[741] Do you think they're going to be mean?

[742] Yeah.

[743] Why?

[744] Because when people don't have to ask you something personally, they can be mean about it.

[745] But I think also people seem to like you.

[746] This is like being able to hear the internet.

[747] Yes.

[748] Do you know what I mean?

[749] These people have no fear of hurting my feelings.

[750] This is just scary.

[751] Yeah.

[752] This is frightening.

[753] But go ahead.

[754] Let's do it.

[755] I'm a brave person.

[756] You are.

[757] Conan, how do you get your hair to stand up like that?

[758] I just don't know.

[759] Please tell me your secrets.

[760] that's a good question and I do get that question all the time first of all it began naturally I just noticed that my hair kind of sits up a little bit and it had a spring to it and this is like when I was a teenager okay you know I was a big fan of rockabilly music and they would comb their hair up and all that and so I I liked combing my hair up into a big wave because I realized I could do that and that it created kind of a look and then I was watching TV one day and this is a long time ago and there was this actress named Victoria Principal.

[761] Do you remember her?

[762] You're making a confused look.

[763] She was on the show Dallas.

[764] Oh, okay.

[765] I'm really dating.

[766] I'm really dating myself now.

[767] I thought you were 25.

[768] Yeah.

[769] Well, until you saw the old eye vein.

[770] But there was this actress named Victoria Principal when she did a commercial and she gave her hair tip, which she dried her upside down.

[771] And then so I thought, I'm going to try that.

[772] So I was actually a teenage boy taking advice from an actress who was speaking to women.

[773] And I realized I could make my hair stand up even more to the point where it got ridiculous.

[774] And then it just became this weird habit where sometimes I would just try to build it up into this big French pastry that sat on top of my head.

[775] I was actually in Ireland once and this guy was like standing by the side of the road and I walked by and he went to, God, what do you feed that thing?

[776] pointing to my hair.

[777] And now I don't know how to stop.

[778] Now I've become like Big Bird or Mickey Mouse.

[779] I'm supposed to look a specific way.

[780] I made myself a cartoon.

[781] I turned myself into an emoji and people want to see me be that.

[782] And there are times when my hair is flat and people are all upset, like I'm a fraud.

[783] And then I'm like, okay, I'll go fix it.

[784] And then I comb it back up again and everyone's happy and I get a free latte.

[785] All right.

[786] Moving on.

[787] Hey, Conan, which is your favorite Star Wars movie of the prequels?

[788] Thank you.

[789] This is Jonin from Sacramento.

[790] Have a good day.

[791] God.

[792] The prequels are the ones that came.

[793] There's the first.

[794] couple that I watched when I was young.

[795] Yes.

[796] And then George Lucas made a bunch later on that seemed to upset people.

[797] Right.

[798] There was Jar Jar.

[799] Oh, Jar Jar Banks was in it.

[800] Yeah.

[801] Right.

[802] There's a lot of those ones where they're sitting around talking and it's very bureaucratic.

[803] And it's like Samuel L. Jackson, is that right?

[804] Yeah, Samuel L. Jackson is in it.

[805] Samuel L. Jackson's in it and Yota's there and a bunch of other leap glops and gloop gloops are there, just weird aliens.

[806] And they're saying, it will be brought to a vote soon.

[807] Yes, it will then go to the next chamber of the House of the Elders.

[808] What do we do then?

[809] Hmm, difficult it is.

[810] Maybe.

[811] Hmm, we can introduce Bill as alternate with Ryder on it.

[812] And you're like, why are we getting bogged down?

[813] The whole thing is like a PTA meeting.

[814] And then they'll cut to a young Princess Leia and she's sulking and then you and McGregor's around doing something.

[815] and then back to the conference room where they're like, hmm, vote didn't go well.

[816] This could take months.

[817] Let's reintroduce Bill.

[818] Maybe we get ombudsman to support Bill.

[819] And then using legislative powers, am I wrong about that?

[820] Yeah, well, Princess Leia wasn't in him.

[821] I'm so sorry.

[822] I just needed to make sure you do that.

[823] What?

[824] Oh, wait.

[825] You're talking about, is it Queen Amadala?

[826] Yes.

[827] Or Princess Amadala?

[828] Can I just say, thank you, Matt, can I just say that I refer to all, if they're wearing a robe and they're the object of someone's affections in a Star Wars, I just call them Princess Leia.

[829] That's the way I get through it.

[830] I'm sure Star Wars fans won't mind.

[831] She's also a senator, just so we're covering all.

[832] Oh, she's a senator.

[833] Great.

[834] Okay.

[835] Well, first of all, suddenly, oh, look who came to life over here.

[836] Star Wars.

[837] Someone called my name?

[838] Yeah.

[839] Am I not wrong, Matt, that there's chunks of those movies that are bogged down in.

[840] the legislative affairs of the rebel colony or whatever they're called.

[841] Literally the Imperial Senate and the Jedi Council Room, which is just a round room.

[842] Yes.

[843] It's a round room.

[844] And people are bringing in papers.

[845] And you're just like, hmm, looks bad it does.

[846] They use the term trade disputes.

[847] Yeah, there are trade disputes.

[848] What a great idea.

[849] That was the one thing that every kid wants to see in their space epic is a bunch of senators talking about a tariff and a trade dispute.

[850] Do you know what I mean?

[851] Yeah.

[852] It really is like they were taking the minutes of what happened was George Lucas.

[853] He was probably in whatever really nice enclave he lives in outside San Francisco, right?

[854] And he had to go to the DMV.

[855] Okay.

[856] And someone said, no, you got to get in that line.

[857] And then you have to mail it in.

[858] And then he, and Lucas was like, yes, this is what Star Wars needs.

[859] He was so pissed at the Bush administration that he named two of the alien characters, Lott Dodd and Newt Gunray after Newt Gingrich and Trent Lott.

[860] Well, that's the stuff that ages really well in films.

[861] Can you see a 16 -year -old kid chuckling at the Trent Lott joke?

[862] What a mistake.

[863] Stay in your lane.

[864] Don't get so enraged by the right that you start warping your creative powers, you know?

[865] But anyway, that's what I remember about that movie is I watched 20 minutes of it, and I think they got a bill passed.

[866] and I was I was bummed out.

[867] Okay.

[868] Next question is about a popular figure on your show.

[869] So let's play it.

[870] Tell me about Jordan.

[871] Is Jordan your favorite person and your staff?

[872] That's unbelievable.

[873] That guy has watched all the Jordan remotes.

[874] And his assumption is that Jordan's my favorite person.

[875] Have you learned nothing?

[876] Some of you are probably listening to the podcast and may not know what we're talking about.

[877] Jordan Slansky is an associate producer on the show, and I started doing segments with him years ago, and people love it because he's got, he's such a strange guy.

[878] And he can be borderline rude to me. Nobody knows what he does.

[879] And every time I ask him, and this is not even a joke, he says, I have various duties and responsibilities.

[880] And I've asked Jeff Ross, the executive producer.

[881] Jeff's like, he does stuff.

[882] And I'm like, what does he do?

[883] He does stuff.

[884] So I don't know.

[885] I think Jordan has something on Jeff.

[886] I think Jeff, once was in his Tesla and backed up over an old lady and Jordan saw it and Jeff was like, just keep this quiet.

[887] You don't have to do anything.

[888] So yeah, I know, Jordan is not my favorite person.

[889] I do think he's one of my favorite comedy partners as a person.

[890] No, he really can be very irritating.

[891] Yeah.

[892] He has good wine recommendations and good restaurant recommendations.

[893] Yeah, but he'll talk about it for an hour and 10 minutes.

[894] He has this manner.

[895] You ask him about, well, what do you think?

[896] What What kind of wine should I get?

[897] Well, traditionally, the Malbec, of course, you know, in this region because of the earth.

[898] And then he goes into this stuff where he says, you can actually feel the sunlight in the olive oil.

[899] When you taste this olive oil, you're actually tasting the sunlight, the Tuscan sun, and you're tasting the dreams and disappointments of it.

[900] And you're like, no. I mean, a friend of mine asked him about an Italian restaurant once.

[901] And he goes, we can go to this one, which is a restaurante.

[902] Or you can go to this one, which is a trattoria.

[903] But he's like, it's your personal preference.

[904] And I didn't even know those were two different things.

[905] I don't think they are.

[906] Just do they serve food?

[907] No, he's out of his mind.

[908] Conan O 'Brien needs a friend with Sonam O 'Sessian and Conan O 'Brien as himself.

[909] Produced by me, Matt Gourley.

[910] Executive produced by Adam Sacks and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf.

[911] Special thanks to Jack White and the White Stripes for the theme song.

[912] incidental music by Jimmy Vivina.

[913] You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review featured on a future episode.

[914] Got a question for Conan?

[915] Call the Team Coco hotline at 323 -451 -2821 and leave a message.

[916] It too could be featured on a future episode.

[917] And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O 'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever fine podcasts are down.

[918] This has been a Team Co -O -Bron.

[919] Proco Production, in association with Earworth.