Jason Bateman Returns

[0] Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert.

[1] I'm Dax Shepard.

[2] Monica Padman, your mic is all over the place.

[3] It's very wonky.

[4] Welcome to the program.

[5] Welcome.

[6] We have one of my favorite guests of all time returning today.

[7] Part two.

[8] If you've not listened to Part 1, please go back and listen to it.

[9] There is a debate about butt wiping that is...

[10] Epic.

[11] I think it's my best work.

[12] It might be.

[13] It really might be.

[14] Jason Bateman, man. Do we all love Jason?

[15] Bateman.

[16] He's an actor, a director, and a producer.

[17] He currently is directing and starring in Ozark.

[18] He's nominated for Emmys in all those categories for that show.

[19] It's fantastic.

[20] Also, arrested development, horrible bosses, game night, the outsider, and most importantly for me, Silver Spoons.

[21] Your favorite show of all time.

[22] Yeah, I wrote an essay about it.

[23] And I urge everyone to check out his new podcast with my buddies Will Arnett and Sean Hayes.

[24] It's called Smartless, and you can find it everywhere you can find podcasts.

[25] I think I was on the inaugural episode.

[26] Wow, fun.

[27] So please enjoy National Treasure, Jason Bateman.

[28] Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now.

[29] Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[30] Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts.

[31] He's an armchair expert.

[32] He's an option expert.

[33] Oh my God.

[34] Your hair's got long.

[35] Yeah.

[36] Oh, it's so bad.

[37] It's actually, I actually cut it.

[38] I like it.

[39] Hold on, hold on.

[40] That's a cut.

[41] Look at all this kickout in the back.

[42] Wow.

[43] Oh, wow.

[44] For the listener at home.

[45] Oh, we need a picture.

[46] Baitman is extending out his follicles.

[47] They got to be, you got to have a foot of hair there.

[48] I almost wear a hat just for our zoom.

[49] No, I like the hair.

[50] You want to see what's happening with mine or you're not even curious.

[51] That's the thing about you.

[52] You're not curious about other people.

[53] No, I can see it.

[54] No, you see my cameras on.

[55] I'm looking at you.

[56] I have a hunch.

[57] If I went into your room, your camera is your face.

[58] Have you ever pulled that off when someone asks you to take a picture of them?

[59] You just flip the camera around.

[60] You take a tight head shot of yourself.

[61] No, that's a great idea, though.

[62] That's a good bit.

[63] Oh, I have a story for you that you would love.

[64] In this current time, maybe not the greatest story.

[65] I became really good friends with the head of someone at Warner Brothers five years ago.

[66] A real old timer.

[67] And this old timer had been there in the 70s.

[68] I know who we're talking about.

[69] Well, let me just tell you who it was.

[70] It was Papasian.

[71] In the 60s or 70s, he was a young guy at Warner Brothers.

[72] And for some reason, one of their main stars took a shine to him, right?

[73] And he kind of put Papasian under his wing.

[74] This guy would have a yearly birthday vacation fishing trip down in the Baja.

[75] And women would recognize him, right?

[76] So they'd ask Papasian to take a picture of them with this actor.

[77] And the guy would pose with his arms around the ladies, but he would have pulled his penis and testicles out of his bathing suit, which they would have not seen.

[78] And then he would have gotten it back in somehow.

[79] He was really good at getting it back in before they ever noticed.

[80] They were just looking at the camera, smiling.

[81] And then, of course, the comedy was they'd get home and develop these pictures with this movie star, and he was just fully exposed.

[82] You know, that's mired with problems.

[83] But what it does let you realize is how public life has become versus just 30, 40 years ago.

[84] We're like, that's a prank you could do.

[85] And there was no outcome.

[86] What would the person do?

[87] They'd get the photo.

[88] They can't go online and tell anyone about it.

[89] What are they going to call the newspaper and go like, oh, this movie star pulled his penis out?

[90] Who's going to take that call?

[91] And then you can't even get that photo to anybody.

[92] It would take so much effort to spread it out wide enough where it would be a problem.

[93] Yeah.

[94] It is.

[95] It's a, it's a, and even on a more sort of micro level, just signing autographs versus taking pictures.

[96] You know, you used to, somebody recognized you.

[97] They would say, oh, you know, can I have your autograph?

[98] And then, you know, you'd say, yeah, sure, great.

[99] And then they may or may not have a pen.

[100] They may or may not have a piece of paper, you know.

[101] And then, you know, you end up just basically saying, oh, well, you know, you shake hands, you know, great to meet you and off you go.

[102] But now everybody's got a camera.

[103] Even those people that are walking.

[104] by you taking a picture, they might think, oh, I don't know, that guy looks kind of familiar.

[105] I don't know what the hell his name is, but I might as well queue up for a picture too because I got a Facebook page.

[106] It just, you know, you're there for 20 minutes because you don't want to be a dick.

[107] And sincerely, have you been in that situation where like a mild feeding frenzy starts?

[108] Like, this has happened to me at the airport, of course, and then it may be some like Myers Thrifty Acres in Michigan, like the big Walmart type store where, you know, it's four people and then like as you say like six more like who's here is an athlete over here or something and then this has happened dozens of times where I'm posing for a picture with somebody and then the picture concludes in the guy goes and what what is your name so I can look you up I mean zero clue they could be taking a picture with Jeffrey Epstein they don't know I know it is it's a weird thing but part part of the job for sure some people are great at it some people are just terrible at it too I don't understand why some celebrities are just so alert to connecting with, communicating with the people they're actually doing this for.

[109] Now, listen, I'm not, you know, Mr. Grand Marshal of the parade or anything like that.

[110] I'll sit down and talk to everyone and start kissing babies.

[111] But I like people, but I know some people that they get approached and they immediately, not only do they turn aloof, but they get aggressive.

[112] And they're like, where do you get off bothering me?

[113] You are a public figure.

[114] You do a public job.

[115] Like, you better come out of your house with your knees bent a little bit and be ready for, you know, part of your gig.

[116] Okay.

[117] I like that.

[118] That's very, very true.

[119] But I'm going to make a case for the other side.

[120] Now, I have had varying levels of kindness out in public, okay, over the last 16 years that that's been happening.

[121] And I can make a case for what it is for those people, which is if you're someone who deeply desires control, as I do, it is something that you're reminded of.

[122] You're completely out of control.

[123] You don't have a saying if you can just go to your car and be on your way in under five minutes.

[124] There's other people that you don't have control of that are going to stop that, right?

[125] And if you're at the grocery store and you just got off the call with your brother and you had a fight, and now you've got to put on a, it's control for me. It's like, oh, I've found myself in this situation, unlike most people where I can't silently move through the world.

[126] And sometimes I want to.

[127] And if you're someone who deeply desires control or didn't have much growing up, maybe, whatever the baggage is, it can be physically painful.

[128] Now, you've been at times in a 12 -step program.

[129] So, you know, I do believe in this concept that acceptance is the answer to all my problems.

[130] So as I've gotten closer to full acceptance, which is, that's right.

[131] You should not have an expectation of privacy or control.

[132] That's not going to happen going forward unless you choose another career.

[133] So once I can fully internalize that acceptance, then my expectations are met.

[134] My expectation is it's going to be inconvenient sometimes.

[135] And then when it's met, yeah, I knew that was coming.

[136] But I think that some people are shitty.

[137] Some people are assholes.

[138] But also, there's a lot going on.

[139] Right.

[140] And it extends everything, too.

[141] Like, you know, your work on a set, like when you're directing something, you don't have full control over performance.

[142] I mean, you have control over, you know, whether you're going to put a 35 on the camera versus a 50.

[143] But when you get to something that's living and breathing between action and cut, you have no say over that.

[144] You've got to give up how you thought that line was going to be read.

[145] You can't control that and there's something great about that.

[146] And, I mean, in your marriage, you know, you and Kristen, I mean, you guys are sharing, you both have the same.

[147] over that house she has a right to be in a bad mood in that house she has a right to be in a great mood when you're in a bad mood or she has a right to get up earlier than you or you know walk around with heavy heels like my wife does when i'm sleeping she puts on those tabs shoes and goes and makes that coffee all right and so you just you know or the kids running around like it's a shared space and everyone's got a right to it and yeah that control instinct can be inconvenient for sure well okay so a directing question when you get in that situation and it's inevitable right as great as actors are and and so often they surprise you in a way that they exceed whatever your expectation was which is lovely and then sometimes it's like they're just not getting the thing I really need for the scene and I've attempted it a few times now here's where I'm very lazy as a director I'll just go okay I'm going to solve this another way like I know I'm going to have to be on this person will you just keep going and get what you want or do you start thinking of easier ways to get out of it?

[148] Well, with performance, as you know, being an actor as well, you can, unlike a director that may have no experience with acting, we have an ability to empathize with the limitations of instinct, talent, comfort, all that stuff that we weirdo actors go through, you know, while we're pretending to be other people.

[149] like it is easy easier than anything in the world but it can also be like the most difficult thing in the world if your if your mind is a mess and embarrassing when it goes that way yeah exactly and so i'm pretty good as i'll bet you are too of understanding what the limitations of that actor is and so if they're not going to get what you need there are other things you have at your disposal as a director as you were saying it can you just start editing right away yeah yeah just so i don't have to see that dumb look that actor's doing on their face.

[150] The line reading's okay, but the look on his or her face is just a scene wrecker.

[151] You know, you could just, you could do a bunch of different things.

[152] And it's much better to make those efforts than, you know, get in the face or the mind or the heart of an actor and, like, wreck their day by jamming them into something that they don't want to do or don't see as something that they should do.

[153] You nailed it.

[154] Often there's a word they love.

[155] like they've really anchored the whole thing on the way they're going to say like right surprise you know whatever that thing is and you can tell they you can recognize it as a cornerstone of their day right and if I remove this or if I challenge like hey do you think you might want to say surprise like you're not surprised you know if you do that every the house of cards is going to crumble so it's it's just and I think you're right because we're so often in that position where we've built a whole performance around how we're going to to turn our head and look at the person or whatever the dumb thing is.

[156] But, you know, again, you can apply it to stuff in our normal.

[157] It's people skills.

[158] You have to, if you're having a conversation with your wife or your kid, you've got to know that no one is going to do what you want them to do if you jam them to do it.

[159] Yeah.

[160] You know, you have to figure out what the positive is and work out how to mitigate the negative while, you know, focusing on the positive, people who don't have the patience to go the extra step can be nasty, you know, because they just say, just do it better.

[161] That sucks.

[162] You know, you do to your kid, too, be quiet, you know, as opposed to, hey, I get that you're having fun and I want you to have fun, but daddy's on a work call or something.

[163] So can you have fun over there as opposed to, shut up?

[164] You know, it's like, come on.

[165] Just don't be so late.

[166] You know?

[167] Hey, going back to the autograph and the photo thing, have you noticed that people that don't like a movie or TV show that I do or might not like a movie or TV show that you do?

[168] They'll walk right by you.

[169] They don't stop to say, hey, by the way, that thing you did sucked.

[170] And you're like, no one does that.

[171] You're right.

[172] You're right.

[173] Certainly wouldn't do it to you because they get their ass beat.

[174] I think they know that.

[175] But we don't really do anything that gives somebody the drive to stop and be confrontational.

[176] However, what you are doing with your podcast, you are out there and presenting your opinion and your perception on things and people love that.

[177] It is a huge success.

[178] I love listening to it.

[179] I've always loved our friendship because of that and now people get to hear that as well.

[180] But now you're giving people perhaps an opportunity to confront you based on your political leanings, your social leanings, blah, blah, blah.

[181] Have you noticed that things have become or could become more confrontational in public as opposed to just being an actor or director?

[182] They haven't and it's very curious and I've actually thought a lot about it because I've said a lot of kind of controversial things that I was kind of bracing myself to see in a headline or something.

[183] Well, wiping.

[184] That came from you.

[185] Oh, right, right.

[186] That was a big one.

[187] That was great though.

[188] That was so positive.

[189] The fact that someone transcribed the whole conversation was so flattering.

[190] You didn't get stopped on the street about our wiping site.

[191] Oh, yeah.

[192] I've had, by the way, the fallout from that was I've had a probably.

[193] 150 guys hit me up on Instagram to go, tried it, holy shit, revolutionary, life changed.

[194] I haven't heard one person right.

[195] Oh, my God.

[196] I tried it.

[197] And there was shit all over my balls.

[198] You're talking about trying the front wipe.

[199] That's right.

[200] Back to front.

[201] Back to front as I'm a proponent of.

[202] As you know, if anyone wants to hear that full debate, go back to the first Bateman interview.

[203] And it is lengthy.

[204] And it's fully.

[205] The experiment must be just.

[206] Let me tell you my theory on it.

[207] And it kind of crosses into another opinion I have about acting on shows.

[208] Okay.

[209] So, you know, back at the.

[210] height of Stern.

[211] People hate listened to Howard Stern, right?

[212] There were people that they drove him mad and they couldn't resist but to listen to him.

[213] But I think largely because he was on their FM dial.

[214] So there was no real barrier to entry to hate listen to him.

[215] And I had done it with Rush Limbaugh over the years.

[216] I think because there's a barrier of entry to the show, you got to go download the thing.

[217] I think probably the only people that are listening to the show are people who genuinely like it.

[218] I think that's part of it.

[219] I've often acted on shows that I personally don't watch, or maybe I think are bad shows.

[220] But friends are involved in them and they've asked me to come be a part of them and I've done it.

[221] And what I've walked away thinking is like, oh, I'm kind of embarrassed about that show, but no one that is in my group is even going to watch that show to know I was on it.

[222] The only people that are ever going to see me on that are people who love it.

[223] So there's no downside.

[224] It's not like people are watching shows they hate and then I got to worry about that.

[225] Does that make any sense?

[226] It does until you are watching Super Bowl.

[227] You see a commercial with your face on it with your guest spot on that showing.

[228] Oh, everyone's going to see that you did that.

[229] I guess that can happen, sure.

[230] The reason I ask about the opinion thing is because I'm just getting my feet wet in the podcast world now.

[231] And I started thinking about tempering the specificity of the things that I say because our buddy Kimmel, he gets a lot of blowback from the right throughout the country for calling out some of the things that this administration does.

[232] I feel for him.

[233] He's basically amplifying a common sense point of view and getting drilled for being overly opinionated.

[234] But you've thought about that, right?

[235] Let's talk about Kimmel specifically.

[236] I have a theory on why that has happened to him and say not Colbert, who's 10 times as political.

[237] Do you have a theory on why that blowback exists?

[238] No, I haven't thought about that.

[239] Well, yeah, why do you think Kimmel gets it and Colbert doesn't?

[240] Because for a decade Kimmel didn't take many stands.

[241] I think his son being born with that heart condition and that being the beginning of him being public, which I so appreciate and admire and love, that took him down a path.

[242] And I think his fans were largely stern -type fans that we're probably not left leaning at all.

[243] And I think there's a deep sense of betrayal.

[244] They thought he was a centrist or right wing or whatever.

[245] They thought he had some kind of alignment with them that they now discover he doesn't.

[246] And I think they felt betrayed by that.

[247] I think it's an emotional reaction.

[248] I think it's deeper than his opinion on the topic.

[249] Oh, that's interesting.

[250] Yeah.

[251] I don't think the Ozark fan base has any political expectation of you.

[252] I don't think you're vulnerable to that situation.

[253] But I'm glad you're bringing it up because it's one of my the biggest topics I want to go over with you today, which is you have this endeavor.

[254] I did your podcast SmartList.

[255] You guys did a great job, man. It's so fucking entertaining.

[256] But the thing I have thought about is your level of comfort with divulging.

[257] Certainly, I'm on the far end of the spectrum of what I'll divulge.

[258] You're not.

[259] And how is that going to play into like the longevity?

[260] How much have you thought about that aspect of it?

[261] I have thought a lot about it because today's culture, you can say the wrong thing.

[262] and it can just paralyze you with anxiety or even with your ability to get employed.

[263] There's a gotcha radar that's out.

[264] And so you do have to worry about that.

[265] But by the same token, you know, I'll have a half hour conversation with you about wiping techniques.

[266] So I will divulge, but I also don't want to load someone's gun who might be on the lookout to grab a gotcha moment.

[267] Well, that's the fun dichotomy of you is exactly that.

[268] I think you have an intention to not end your career.

[269] And I think it's unique to you as someone who had a big career, then kind of it went away for a while.

[270] And then you got it back.

[271] I think the stakes are a little higher for you just from your personal story.

[272] But what I know about you is that you intend not to get yourself in those situations.

[273] But yeah, you can't help but get ensnared, which is I love about you.

[274] I know what your intention is there.

[275] And I know that you can't resist.

[276] I'm a consumer and I'm a fan of anybody who does an interview an athlete or musician, an actor, whatever.

[277] I hate hearing those interviews and they're super guarded or reading an interview in a magazine.

[278] And you can tell somebody's superguarded.

[279] It's like, well, why am I wasting my time supposedly trying to get a window in on your personal world and you're being guarded?

[280] So maybe it's still this hold on to some naive thing.

[281] I'll trust a journalist till they give me a reason not to, but usually it's way too late.

[282] Things did change, I don't know, maybe 10 years ago where I started to do these interviews in magazines and stuff, I started to notice it first, where the way in which they construct the headline of the interview is obviously to draw people in.

[283] It's a recruiting element to peak your interest.

[284] And again, I am a victim of that as well.

[285] It's just a consumer.

[286] I'm like, oh, they said that.

[287] I wonder what the context is.

[288] And so you'll click and you'll read the whole interview.

[289] But you got the sense as the subject that you should start to be not naive about that.

[290] And I don't blame the journalist for that.

[291] I understand that media is much more competitive now.

[292] And there are links to articles on computers that need headlines to click through.

[293] And I get all that.

[294] And so as those rules have changed, instead of fighting against it and being petulant and pissed off about it, I just think it's more responsible to just think a little bit more about what I say, when I say it, and try not to be guarded about it, just be more intelligent about it, I hope.

[295] Well, I think the thing about podcasts that's different is talking about control.

[296] You have all the control.

[297] So you aren't subject to some journalist who's deciding what headline it is.

[298] Like you get to decide what's in, what's not.

[299] I assume you guys get to decide all that.

[300] And there's no taking out of context.

[301] I think that's why we, especially him, have not been canceled.

[302] Well, also mainly because I have made sure he's not able to get canceled.

[303] Yeah, I would have canceled myself several times.

[304] Let's own that.

[305] You need to have an editor who loves you guys enough to protect you, but isn't so infatuated by you that they can't see where you're fucking up.

[306] It's a very fine line.

[307] Basically, I'd have to edit your show.

[308] Right.

[309] I mean, as much as I do like the sound of my own voice, I can't stand to listen to the whole thing every time.

[310] So I just kind of leave it up to our engineers, our producers, and I'd love for my wife to listen to it because she's got a real keen ear on that.

[311] But for instance, what I, as soon as that 15 minutes ago, and I think when I said about her heavy heels walking around while I'm trying to sleep, that out of context or even without this video assist that we're looking at, where you can kind of see that I'm joking.

[312] But with, if you're just hearing my voice, it sounds like, Jesus, that guy sounds like an asshole.

[313] Like, I might circle that and think, hey, was someone else listen to this and see if this is something that somebody might grab and use as a gotcha moment?

[314] Is the laugh even worth it?

[315] The reason it's different is that you're in a highly defendable position.

[316] So, like, I know exactly what you're talking about.

[317] I've done interviews with people.

[318] And it's like, the quote they took is sentence 35.

[319] I've built this whole case to add up to this thing, right?

[320] And I had to walk you through it because I knew it was provocative.

[321] But I think if I gave you the background of why I got there, it's justified.

[322] Well, that isn't there.

[323] And I don't have the fucking interviewer's notes.

[324] I can't publish them.

[325] It's me saying I made a bigger, broader point and it was taken out of context and everyone's like, horseshit.

[326] Whereas this is like you could post it.

[327] Yeah.

[328] You have the evidence.

[329] And there's laughter.

[330] We're all laughing.

[331] There's intention.

[332] It's not the same.

[333] To your point, your sense of humor and mine, or at least I'll just speak for myself, it doesn't work in print all that well.

[334] No, I've learned that through texting and emailing too, you know, like sarcasm, dryness.

[335] You're bread and butter.

[336] Right.

[337] Do you have to figure out how to punctuate that?

[338] Do you need a fucking emoji afterwards?

[339] There's all kinds of things.

[340] A big egg plant.

[341] Right.

[342] As soon as you round the edge too much, well, now it's no longer dry.

[343] It's actually soft.

[344] You know, so it's wet.

[345] It's weird.

[346] It's moist.

[347] It's damp.

[348] Yeah.

[349] So just to wrap up, we're going to cut the piece about Amanda with the heavy heels.

[350] You know, it's funny.

[351] It's on your first episode, We cut a couple things per your request, which we had no problem cutting.

[352] It was like, whatever.

[353] I don't even remember what the request.

[354] I think per your publicist.

[355] Your publicist was rightly concerned about the ass wiping conversation.

[356] But I said, look, man, I'm the only one who's going to take a hit for that.

[357] Like, I'm the one presenting an unethical way to wipe your butt, like a dangerous unhealthy.

[358] Bayman is towing the line.

[359] Like, you should be proud of your client.

[360] He's upholding the hegemonic way of wiping one's ass.

[361] So that was the only one I fought back, and I was like, no, that's, that's me. You can't protect us.

[362] You can protect our client, but you can't protect us.

[363] Right.

[364] And by the way, that was the thing that got transcribed and got headlines.

[365] And it was like probably the best part of the whole thing.

[366] I respect you so much.

[367] I truly do.

[368] Like, I've said this before.

[369] You were the one that was like, you should marry Kristen.

[370] We were in Bora Bora and you're like, what are you doing?

[371] Why aren't you marrying this girl?

[372] Why haven't you proposed to her?

[373] And I said, I'm afraid I won't have leverage.

[374] I'm afraid that I won't be able to get my way anymore or, bend her to my will wrongly I want to do that sometimes and sometimes I need some leverage and you really walked me through why that's preposterous and that communication is going to get you all that and that there'll still be a desire for harmony in the relationship and desire for that harmony is the leverage and all that stuff and you really opened my eyes to that I credit you for that I was doing a lot of lucigenics at the time yeah yeah well ayahuas could just become a thing as I recall you know yeah and I've just watched you raise kids it's very impressive I don't know what the framework for that is.

[375] I don't know what self -help things you're into.

[376] I don't know if you're into landmark form or I know you had a little bit of 12 -step interest.

[377] I'm not sure you're building all that, but it's very impressive.

[378] But here's what I want to ask you.

[379] Can't you distinguish the difference between when you have erred and when you haven't?

[380] I have a sense of when I've erred.

[381] I trust it pretty much.

[382] Do you do not trust yours?

[383] I do.

[384] I'm pretty tough on myself about maintaining whatever mental muscle that is, assigning judgment about what somebody else is doing, and then also judgment about the position that I want to take with respect to that.

[385] My ability to figure out whether I'm right or wrong or whether I'm being lazy in something, but I'm not perfect by any stretch.

[386] And, you know, Amanda, my wife, has been really good about that with me. She's made that muscle stronger in that I now question it a few more times before I commit to something, which actually has a downside to it in that once I then do decide that, no, I'm really fucking right.

[387] Now I really dig in.

[388] So I guess there's a good and a bad to it, but I think the answer to your question, if I'm understanding it right, is that it is an everyday thing because it seems like the natural instinct is to buffer your sense of correctness, whether that buffer is valid or not.

[389] I think the human instinct is to like continually prop yourself up every single day.

[390] And if you'd like to build it with legitimate stuff, but if you don't have any legitimate things to feel good about, here's a little junk food over here.

[391] You can kind of pack on.

[392] It's like a sand castle.

[393] You know, just keep sticking sand against the side of it and make yourself feel better.

[394] You know, you do that for enough years.

[395] You can build a real rickety sandcastle that's going to drop as soon as some human walks by it.

[396] I try to stay honest with myself every day.

[397] I know you're real good about that too.

[398] Hopefully one recognizes their blind spots, right?

[399] So I'm going to interview someone after you and it's going to be a religious debate, right?

[400] So I come up with some points this morning.

[401] But I'm smart enough to know, I think I just wrote the greatest thought ever on religion, right?

[402] And I know I'm going to say it out loud today.

[403] So Kristen's sitting right there and I say, let me read this out loud to you and tell me if you think I'm on the right path.

[404] And then she just cleverly goes, it's really good.

[405] I love your logic.

[406] But just remember you're a little more illogical than emotional and you're kind of ignoring the emotional component of that argument.

[407] So I think you really need to minimally be able to make that argument for the person or acknowledge the emotional component.

[408] And I was like, great, thank you.

[409] That is totally where I have a blind spot regularly.

[410] So you trust Amanda.

[411] We accumulate people.

[412] I trust Monica a ton that can help you navigate your blind spots.

[413] But my point is let's say on your podcast you say something regrettable.

[414] Don't you think one of the greatest modeling things you could do in this time we both hate or you get hung for something?

[415] Don't you think the best way to push back from that is to say, you're absolutely right.

[416] Thursday I said this thing and I didn't even consider what the victim would have felt like about that and I regret it and I'm sorry.

[417] And I'm real time learning and I'm letting you know it's okay to real time learn.

[418] That's something we must still value and defend and fight for.

[419] And that's a part of a little role you and I are privileged enough to play.

[420] For sure.

[421] I'm a big advocate for learning moments and admitting that you're wrong.

[422] The challenge, though, when you say I was wrong, whether the subject is conscious of it or not, you are basically seeding an opening to the person you're talking to forever, that I was wrong here and I am susceptible to being wrong and therefore you have a right to call me on this or any number of things forever now.

[423] You're right.

[424] And that's a scary thing for a person who has a fragile ego.

[425] Yeah, great point.

[426] You make yourself vulnerable.

[427] Yeah.

[428] For on and on and on.

[429] Yeah.

[430] So if you have a healthy ego or an ego that is substantiated by things that are not garbage, I try to make sure that whatever ego confidence, sense of self, whatever that is, I just try to make sure that there aren't a lot of holes in that.

[431] that I've got enough of a healthy confidence where I could admit that I'm wrong.

[432] Because if you can't do that, a bunch of problems happen.

[433] You just end up sprinting from reality and eventually you get tired and slow down and then it catches you.

[434] And you don't have the coping skills to deal with it.

[435] And then you reach for something you probably shouldn't.

[436] Yes, yes, yes.

[437] Eating your humble pie while falling asleep.

[438] Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare.

[439] What's up, guys, it's your girl Kiki, and my podcast is back with a new season.

[440] And let me tell you, it's too good.

[441] And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?

[442] Every episode, I bring on a friend and have a real conversation.

[443] And I don't mean just friends.

[444] I mean the likes of Amy Polar, Kell Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.

[445] So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.

[446] This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast.

[447] We've all been there.

[448] internet to self -diagnose our inexplicable pains, debilitating body aches, sudden fevers, and strange rashes.

[449] Though our minds tend to spiral to worst -case scenarios, it's usually nothing, but for an unlucky few, these unsuspecting symptoms can start the clock ticking on a terrifying medical mystery.

[450] Like the unexplainable death of a retired firefighter, whose body was found at home by his son, except it looked like he had been cremated, or the time when an entire town started jumping from building, and seeing tigers on their ceilings.

[451] Hey listeners, it's Mr. Ballin here, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast.

[452] It's called Mr. Ballin's Medical Mysteries.

[453] Each terrifying true story will be sure to keep you up at night.

[454] Follow Mr. Ballin's medical mysteries wherever you get your podcasts.

[455] Prime members can listen early and ad -free on Amazon music.

[456] Now, one thing I thought of today was prior to your podcast, Smartless, you had a company with Arnett called Dum -Dum.

[457] You had Dum -Dum and now you had Smartless, and I was like, what is happening here?

[458] Is this a faux humility?

[459] Like, you're fucking smart as shit.

[460] And Arnett, as much as I hate to admit it, is also smart as shit.

[461] Why dumb, dumb and smartless?

[462] What's happening?

[463] Are you embarrassed by that big noggin of yours?

[464] We really named it after Sean Hayes.

[465] We want to honor his limitations.

[466] I think where it probably comes from is, I just feel like there's so much more room to be curious if you're honest with everybody that you don't know everything.

[467] now I can really do what I'm supposed to do, which is interview people or listen to people and learn from them.

[468] If you say, come learn something.

[469] Now, basically, I got to do a lot more homework than I want to do.

[470] Sure, sure, sure.

[471] Let's just get to it.

[472] If I say I'm smart, then I'm saying you've got to learn from me. If I say I'm dumb, now we can be dumb together and we can lean on the guest to be the smart one.

[473] And then we can just lay back and be a listener like the audiences.

[474] Is it a safety net, though?

[475] Is it like, I'm going to lower expectations so much that when I err, because you have a great fear of airing, I think, that you'll go, yeah, the fucking company's called Dumbum.

[476] Of course we fucking shit the bed, man. You didn't hire DARPA or whatever the Santa Monica Think Tank is.

[477] Well, first of all, you've done the same thing.

[478] Exactly.

[479] By calling yourself an armchair expert, you're basically saying, I'm the dumbass that's sitting here watching tossing bombs from the sideline.

[480] I can say whatever I want because I'm not really an expert on it.

[481] Okay, that's really fair, both of you.

[482] But I think it's more, I'm owning the fact that I'm a know -it -all.

[483] I'm not right often.

[484] Right.

[485] Well, exactly.

[486] So it's the same thing.

[487] And I think if one was to go into some sort of comedic science lab, I would imagine somewhere in there it says there's nothing funny about knowing everything.

[488] Yeah.

[489] So this allows us to get right into a smile and therefore precondition the audience to laugh much more easily.

[490] You know, if you're starting with we're all geniuses, you don't start with a grin.

[491] You start with a, okay, a flat face.

[492] prove it.

[493] This is sort of like, okay, so we're already flawed.

[494] Pants are down.

[495] Now we're that much closer to having a good time and laughing.

[496] Okay, so that was a real time realization, you guys.

[497] Okay, so something just happened, which is what I just accused you of, you guys are right.

[498] I did the exact same thing.

[499] I can't believe you didn't put two and two together on that.

[500] I didn't.

[501] I literally was thinking the word expert as I was saying smart.

[502] Listen, I was like, oh, I got a great point here.

[503] So listen, that was real time.

[504] Boy, again, you see in others what you see in yourself, right?

[505] So I was quick to recognize the safety net you built for yourself.

[506] And I built the exact same safety net.

[507] The whole idea to do a friggin' podcast is inspired by you.

[508] I mean, I was sick and tired of saying to Will or Sean or anyone who were listening, like, fucking Dax is just killing it.

[509] This guy's having such a great time.

[510] And he's just going and going and going.

[511] And it was fantastic.

[512] And then when I heard Will was going to do one, I was like, oh, buddy, I want to get in on that.

[513] And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[514] And he kind of walked away.

[515] And then I ran into Sean at something, and I said, you know, fucking Will's doing a podcast?

[516] I'm going to barge in on that one.

[517] I want to be a part of that thing.

[518] He's like, yeah, me too.

[519] I was like, all right.

[520] Thank God you guys didn't bump into any other people before you show it on the air.

[521] No, exactly.

[522] Good news for Will.

[523] Because I had to tell Will, I said, ah, you know, Sean and I are coming your way.

[524] Yeah, you're going to be splitting this thing three ways now.

[525] Let's start recording.

[526] My favorite tattoo right there, those four stars on your bicep.

[527] I love that.

[528] Oh, wait, and the tree.

[529] The tree on the other one is good, too.

[530] I think he's really self -conscious about those stars because one time I asked you what they meant and you got kind of bristly about it because they don't really mean anything, right?

[531] Oh, none of my tattoos mean anything.

[532] So I might have got bristly going like, oh, here we go.

[533] I'm going to have to explain to someone that my tattoos mean nothing.

[534] I just aesthetically, I like even numbers.

[535] I like four of things.

[536] I like the shape of a star.

[537] That's that.

[538] I know that's a disappointing answer.

[539] You know what, Monica, we're going to learn when he passes in about 120 years from now, we're going to find a little manual and he's going to.

[540] to have a key to all these tattoos.

[541] They did mean something.

[542] Very important things.

[543] Very important.

[544] Very sexual, I could bet.

[545] Yeah.

[546] My penis is four inches long and it is a little bit star shaped on the midas that had the glands.

[547] But Bateman, I do have another question about smartless, which is logistically, how the fuck are you guys going to do this?

[548] Because Monica's 80 % of the stress in her life is trying to figure out how to get the guest.

[549] And my myself in one place and one time in this space time continuum, because I have other jobs and you have other jobs.

[550] And now you're compounding that by a factor of three, which is probably exponential.

[551] So how is that going to work?

[552] Well, we're only doing one a week.

[553] You know, you guys do more than that.

[554] So that makes it a little bit easier for us.

[555] And it's a laptop and a microphone, no matter where you are in the world.

[556] Well, now it is.

[557] Yeah.

[558] That's true.

[559] Yeah.

[560] That part is okay.

[561] And once I start on Ozark, I'm going to have to do it on the weekends.

[562] But even then, it's like half.

[563] to.

[564] Like, come on, it's one hour with two of your best buddies.

[565] And if it's not my guest, I literally open up the computer at the time the interview starts and enjoy the surprise of who the guest is, just like the listener is.

[566] And I don't have to do shit.

[567] I just sit there and go, oh, my gosh, boy, you know, something I've always wanted to ask you if I ever got a chance to meet you is this.

[568] Or, hey, you're a scientist.

[569] So I've always had a question about that.

[570] It's the lightest lifting.

[571] I shouldn't be making any money on this.

[572] It's good that I'm actually out of pocket on this.

[573] I should be paying.

[574] In the red.

[575] Yeah, I should be paying for the intelligence that hopefully I'm absorbing from some of these guests.

[576] So is that the premise?

[577] So each of you bring a guest each episode?

[578] Yeah.

[579] It was my idea, honestly, to avoid the research.

[580] I was just like, let's just make sure we don't tell the other two guys who our guests is.

[581] That way, you guys don't have to do anything.

[582] You just show up.

[583] Actually, the listener knows who the guest is because it would be up on the site, but we the other two dumdums don't.

[584] Well, it's a genius construct.

[585] Baitman, I didn't do shit for you, buddy.

[586] In fact, the only mental note I had for you is like, I got to remember the name of the HBO pilot he directed.

[587] I got to find that out before I talked to him and then I didn't.

[588] Well, Monica, like, what if you could have 10 questions ready for Dax?

[589] As soon as he opens up a laptop and he sees who he's talking to today.

[590] And you go, oh, John Smith.

[591] And then you slide the 10 questions in front of him.

[592] And he goes, okay, well, let's look what Monica's got here for me to ask you.

[593] And then Dax, you can actually ask John Smith.

[594] Here's three questions.

[595] You pick which one you want to answer.

[596] And then you guys just start a conversation because you're great, like John Stewart was always great with us and Kimmel's great with us, Kobe's great with it, where you can have a bunch of questions already sort of predetermined via pre -interview and all that stuff.

[597] But once the conversation starts, it all goes out the window and then it's free flowing.

[598] If for no other reason, then the audience is guaranteed that the conversation is happening in real time as they're hearing it.

[599] So naturally, in my answer, sort of prompts a question from not only the audience but from the host because it's a real obvious dangling like, well, wait a second.

[600] You just said such and said.

[601] So it's an ongoing real -time conversation and that's always much more compelling than, oh, great, okay, good answer.

[602] Here's my next question.

[603] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[604] Just a series of things as opposed to a conversation is, I think, less interesting.

[605] Okay, you just gave me a great idea.

[606] And since you gave it to me, let's, maybe the three of us, you can jump off your network, right?

[607] Or we can start a third network.

[608] We'll start another.

[609] We should have a show called.

[610] multiple choice.

[611] Wouldn't that be a great podcast?

[612] So it's like every single time they get three questions.

[613] Would they be generic like James Lipton?

[614] Right, the Proust or whatever.

[615] What is it?

[616] Proust questionnaire.

[617] You can tell me what your favorite curse word is or tell me how you'd like them to greet you up in heaven.

[618] Pick which one.

[619] Maybe it would work for like a sign off answer.

[620] Well, funny enough, we interviewed John Penn on Monday and I had a lot of anxiety about that because I revere him and I don't want to end up on his bad side.

[621] You know, there's all this anxiety.

[622] brought into it.

[623] And one of the things why I wanted to bring up was during his James Lipton inside the actor's studio, you know, he says, if you want entertainment, get two hookers in an eight ball.

[624] And then I had it wrong.

[625] I went and rewatch the whole thing, because I thought he said that in response to what do you want God to say when you get to the pearly gates?

[626] And I thought he said, there's two hookers in an eight ball inside, but I was wrong.

[627] I punched it up in my memory on accident.

[628] He made it better.

[629] Talk about grabbing a headline.

[630] It was on the heels of, do you think your movies are entertaining or are they difficult or hard?

[631] And he said, well, look, if you want entertainment, get two hookers in an A ball.

[632] And of course, they pop to a close -up of Robin Wright -Bend, like in the audience.

[633] So anyways, I'm like, this is one of the greatest moments in so many ways that I've witnessed on that show.

[634] And then I'm like, I got to figure out how to bring that up in a way that doesn't set the whole conversation on fire.

[635] And I never felt like I could do it.

[636] So it was just kind of sitting in my - You never softened up the witness enough to drop that, huh?

[637] After an hour?

[638] I think the humanness kicked in where it was like he seemed to like me. And I liked that so much that I was like, I don't want to fuck with this.

[639] Not worth risking it.

[640] Right.

[641] Yeah.

[642] Now, he's, I've only met him briefly a couple of times.

[643] He seems like such a great guy.

[644] He was really, really, really fun and cheery in a way that I wasn't expecting.

[645] Now, how has the dynamic between you three?

[646] And I'm sure it's still evolving, right?

[647] Like, we thought we knew what the podcast was about.

[648] And then it kind of kept presenting itself to us.

[649] What roles do the three of you fill?

[650] Like one of them I noticed right away is that Hayes seems to be kind of in charge of the emotional journey of the gas.

[651] Is that still the case?

[652] Is it evolving?

[653] Who's going to hit the hard, hard question?

[654] Do you guys know who does that?

[655] What are the roles?

[656] Yeah, I guess we're still sort of figuring that out.

[657] And it varies based on our level of curiosity individually for each of the guests.

[658] I might be really fascinated with a scientist, whereas, you know, Will might get really interested in somebody who's talking about religion.

[659] It really does vary.

[660] And that's a good thing.

[661] Now, I will say that Will is hilarious and has unstoppable energy.

[662] And that's really good for a good.

[663] guy like me who's half asleep all the time and will tend to get a little bit more cerebral than probably a listener wants to get sometimes.

[664] And Sean is incredibly loving and non -judgmental and will probably skip over some of that low -hanging fruit that Will and I might grab to like make fun of somebody.

[665] So, you know, you're always kind of safe in Sean's arms.

[666] So there's a proper dynamic here where each of us kind of offsets the plus or the minus of the other person.

[667] I think so far.

[668] No, I agree.

[669] I think there's some really neat symmetry to the whole thing, and I think you nailed it, right?

[670] So, like, I'm so excited for Arnett to have a podcast because however funny you think he is in movies or TV shows, as you and I have worked with him, that doesn't hold a candle to him behind the monitor.

[671] You can put him behind that monitor with Will Farrell and the Mount Rushmore of comedians.

[672] Barney's probably getting the most laughs behind the monitor.

[673] Yeah, he's one of my favorite, favorite people in the world.

[674] And truly, that, as is Sean, that really is the drive between us talking for an hour.

[675] If you're like me, which I know you are with the kids and the wife, it's like, we don't get out and we don't drink anymore.

[676] And the Dodgers aren't playing.

[677] Like, the only time I ever spend time with my friends is when I take one of them to a Dodger game.

[678] I don't see anybody.

[679] Yeah.

[680] I don't talk to anybody.

[681] I barely email with folks or text with them.

[682] So this is a nice outlet.

[683] If it was just up to me, it would be slow and boring and kind of monotone, as I hope this interview isn't.

[684] But Will's got the great energy.

[685] Sean's got great energy.

[686] And, you know, like in my, I hate to keep talking about Amanda, she's probably going to hate it.

[687] but that's one of the things that's great about our relationship is that she's super social and she's the talker I don't talk that's right they might shock people yeah I sit there people just don't think I'm having a good time Amanda asked me every time we leave a place did you have fun like yeah I well you know you seems like no that's me relaxing that's me just sort of like you know I don't want to insult our great friends by being formal with chatting about you know boy the was not so getting over here.

[688] It's like, well, what, did we just meet?

[689] What are you talking about traffic?

[690] I just won't say anything.

[691] And then they'll think, wait, he's not very talking about.

[692] No, I'm just super comfortable.

[693] You're like my sister.

[694] Let's just hang out.

[695] Two dudes can go on a road trip and not talk for a hundred miles and be in bliss with one another.

[696] That's true.

[697] That's true.

[698] And again, in Amanda's defense, and I hate to throw you under the bus, and maybe I said this in the first interview, but I also had you as a guest over on New Year's Eve one year.

[699] And what you did is you ate an enormous an amount of food and I think you ate more sugar than you're used to and then you went late on a daybed and I think you might have fallen asleep and then you kind of around 10 p .m. You're like let's get the fuck out here.

[700] It's like two hours before the ball dropped.

[701] And yeah, I bet if Amanda got in the car with you and said, did you have a good time, Jason?

[702] She had really good reason to ask.

[703] Right.

[704] However, that's like nothing could be a bigger compliment in my stupid world.

[705] If I'm so comfortable that I'm so comfortable that I'm, I'm going to eat all your food, pass out, wake up and say, let's fucking roll.

[706] That means I'm super comfortable.

[707] Like, I'm basically in my second home.

[708] Yeah.

[709] You're treating me like I'm your parent.

[710] Like, if you would have left some laundry for me to do afterwards, I would have been like, yeah, yeah, I'll do his laundry.

[711] Yeah.

[712] No, I need to fix that because I'm sending signals sometimes that I don't want to send.

[713] Again, she's an incredible partner in this journey I'm on to let me know that I need to sort of like throw a smile.

[714] on every once in a while.

[715] People don't know you're super blissful as you sit there in a food coma.

[716] Okay.

[717] Now, let's talk about an interpersonal thing for one second, if you'll oblige me, indulge me rather.

[718] I'm ready.

[719] So we came over not long ago.

[720] It was just pre -pandemic, I guess.

[721] Oh, my God, that's right.

[722] Yeah.

[723] Like, Bell and I were driving for some reason.

[724] And I realized, like, oh, that's Bateman Street.

[725] So we just, we did a pop -in, which is very rare in L .A., I think, right?

[726] Didn't you see each other on the street in the car?

[727] Yeah, I was turning onto my street.

[728] You had to stop to let me turn on.

[729] And as I'm turning in front of you, I like wave.

[730] And then you guys followed me under the street and then up into the driveway.

[731] That's what happened.

[732] And there we were.

[733] Yeah, that's what happened.

[734] And then we went inside and we hadn't been there since you had started construction years before.

[735] And it was really awesome to see your house.

[736] It's so beautiful.

[737] You have such great style.

[738] It's incredible.

[739] Oh, thank you.

[740] That's all Amanda.

[741] And then I find that the pattern when we hang out is very similar all the times.

[742] By my account, which is I'm always so excited to see you.

[743] I talk your ear off.

[744] Always, 100 % of the time.

[745] What's happening in Ozark?

[746] What about?

[747] I want to talk to you about directing.

[748] Blah, blah, blah.

[749] And then again, from my perspective, I'm like, oh, he's waiting through this so that he can talk to Kristen, who he really likes to talk to.

[750] And that there's something about my approach that prevents true intimacy between us.

[751] And I desire intimacy with you.

[752] What is your perception of that?

[753] My perception would be the opposite.

[754] And I'm not just saying this because we're talking in public.

[755] I'll caveat the opposite by saying I love talking to Kristen.

[756] I would talk to her whenever and forever how long.

[757] But as far as you go, I could talk to you about directing a loan for 365 days, 24 hours a day.

[758] I could talk to you and try to learn about cars, you know, like what you're doing right now.

[759] I'd love to know a lot about that.

[760] I'm quitting September 1st.

[761] Dipping for the listener.

[762] I'm packing a lipper so I can handle the reaction.

[763] This is probably a great reason you're asking this question is a follow -up to the subject of trying to read whether I'm into it or not.

[764] And I've got to work on that.

[765] My rest face is clearly sending a signal.

[766] And in fact, I've noticed it on Ozark.

[767] You have to edit that fucker.

[768] Exactly.

[769] And there's something about like, I'm looking on the Zoom right now.

[770] like my brow, I guess everyone's brow gets a little heavier as they get older.

[771] And I'm like starting to form a constant frown or like, huh, look on my face, you know?

[772] Yes.

[773] And so I'm looking angrier on Ozark than my character needs to be a time.

[774] Because oftentimes he does need to be angry, but oftentimes he needs to look vulnerable and not able to handle the situation.

[775] And sometimes that brow gets a little heavy.

[776] It looks like, oh, he's about to kick your ass.

[777] In other words, It's like, I can handle it.

[778] Well, by the way, though, I just on that really quick, I have enjoyed the progression of your character getting more assertive.

[779] I think that's really rewarding and fun.

[780] It's very similar to the Breaking Bad kind of model.

[781] I like that part.

[782] Oh, right, right, right.

[783] But it's not what I'm intending to do.

[784] It's a good learning process for me to actually see it.

[785] I mean, Amanda's been telling me for a little while, like, join the conversation, Goddain.

[786] Well, let me be more specific.

[787] I don't think I'm owning my insecurity enough.

[788] So I'll have these interactions with you, and I love them.

[789] So we'll have these great conversations, and I think, well, normally I'd see this guy next week.

[790] Like, when I connect with somebody, like I connect with you, or at least how I feel like I connect with you, the next thought is like, well, let's do this more often, right?

[791] Right.

[792] And this is all jealousy.

[793] I'll be like, I think he and Arnett hang out or talk five days a week.

[794] I'm trying to figure out what thing Arnett has that I don't have, that there's not this desire for quantity because the quality is there.

[795] Right.

[796] Well, rest assured, you're one of my top, top friends.

[797] You're one of my best friends.

[798] That's helpful.

[799] Thank you.

[800] Right, exactly.

[801] So that's a, I've been imagine that's a shock.

[802] The person who thinks we are best friends and is probably, you definitely top five, I talk to once a month, if that.

[803] And that's like a three word text.

[804] So that's another thing I've got to look at reading some article the other day about workaholic.

[805] And I'm an alcoholic, you know, in recovery.

[806] So I've definitely, I have that, that gene in me. So I have probably definitely shifted it over into work at the expense of some of the other things I should be focusing on and sharing time with, you know, whether it be friends or family or whatever it is.

[807] So I have had this thought for 13 years about you.

[808] Like I adore you and I'm confused by why I don't get to see you more often and all the other factors being neutralized, controlled for.

[809] We're both busy, all that stuff, whatever the expectation could be with that.

[810] And I've never just been vulnerable.

[811] said that to you.

[812] And then in doing this, I realized, like, you're kind of a solitary creature.

[813] Additionally, right?

[814] You're a cat.

[815] Right.

[816] Right.

[817] Yeah.

[818] That's another problem.

[819] Exactly.

[820] Again, Amanda's got me properly diagnosed as an introvert.

[821] It's pretty funny.

[822] There is a 10 question thing they give to people their first meeting at AA, right?

[823] And I think if you say yes to one of them, you might be an alcoholic.

[824] Say yes to two.

[825] You probably are.

[826] Say yes to three.

[827] You definitely are.

[828] I think I said yes to seven.

[829] Sure.

[830] Sure.

[831] So she sent me a questionnaire of 10 about if you're an introvert and I was 10 for 10 no shit yeah 10 so 10 for 10 and it's not a negative thing it's just it's just a personality trait I don't look to fuel or or to fill my tank through communication bonding sharing with other people I kind of pop in and then I have to actually go refill my tank with solitude yeah as opposed to human connection and I don't know what that is because I think when I was younger it was a little bit different but I don't think that that's that's unique to me. I think when anybody's younger, they've got 45 friends.

[832] And then when you get into like your teens and 20s, you've got 25 or 30 friends and you're drinking with a lot of them.

[833] Yeah.

[834] Yeah.

[835] But then like if you do what you and I did and you stop drinking, well, now you got a whole new sort of criteria for who do you want to spend time with?

[836] Who do you not want to?

[837] Who can you not spend time with?

[838] You know?

[839] So I think all of that changed for me was it almost 20 years ago when I stopped where I had to really take a hard look.

[840] at what it is I want to do with my private time while considering how busy I am with my professional time.

[841] Yeah.

[842] Well, and I think that's why you and Kristen do connect on a level that say you and I don't, or Amanda and I connect, which is Kristen's very much an introvert too, weirdly enough, because she's very social, but at the same time, she'll invite 12 people over we're all hanging out.

[843] I notice she's been gone for an hour and a half.

[844] I go in the bedroom.

[845] She's reading a fucking book.

[846] I'm like, you cannot invite people over and then go check in with a book.

[847] But of course she can, and people love her anyways, and that's cool.

[848] But that is so foreign to me. Amanda would die before she would do that, and I would die.

[849] And you would probably do the same thing.

[850] Yeah, I mean, believe me, I am very well aware that it is potentially rude, it is off -putting, it can send bad signals.

[851] I just, that needs to be a louder voice in my head so that I actually take action.

[852] But if there's so much discomfort, it is all a cost -benefit thing.

[853] If there's so much discomfort, then no, you shouldn't do that, I guess.

[854] Well, it's not about discomfort.

[855] It's more about, it's more about just listening to instinct.

[856] Like, for some reason, I just have this instinct to go have some internal experience, you know, like with Kristen with the book.

[857] Like, for some reason, she thought, I'd love to just kind of climb into this world that I am reading about and creating pictures in my head as opposed to sitting down and thinking of stuff to talk about with that other person.

[858] And that is incredibly.

[859] fun.

[860] I love doing that.

[861] For some reason, I find myself at a stage in my life where this introspection, this introvert sort of predisposition is what's fueling my interest at the time.

[862] And by the way, if I wasn't in that place, I don't know if I would enjoy doing what I'm doing professionally as much right now in that it's, you know, a lot of directing right now.

[863] And so as you know, there's such a depth of thought and analysis and vetting you have to go through to do your job correctly, I think, that if I wasn't comfortable with literally staring at the wall, I mean, I know you know this as a writer too.

[864] I've done very little of it, but I know this is somewhat of the same muscle.

[865] Your ability to concentrate and get small and get quiet is the difference between good and great or failing and succeeding.

[866] So maybe I'm subconsciously keeping myself in that place so that I don't screw up my obligation to lead at times, you know, like, I've got to come with a plan.

[867] Yeah, yeah.

[868] And if I'm out there, like, not really being small and focused, I might not do my homework.

[869] I don't think it's a surprise that you have a lot of introvert in you because you've been so public for so long.

[870] You've had to be an extrovert and you've had so many experiences that are outward that maybe some of them don't even feel real because they're so outward that in order to like get back to some sort of stasis, you need to come back to yourself and you need to have some solitude.

[871] I think that makes total sense knowing the trajectory of your life.

[872] And Kristen, too, has been public for a very long time.

[873] Yeah, she was quite young too.

[874] And it had to be so outward that I think your brain is trying to compensate for that a little bit, I think.

[875] Yeah, perhaps it's just an effort to balance and write the scales a little bit.

[876] Yeah, perhaps.

[877] I thought of one more work question on my way over, which was for the bulk of your career, you had three years on arrested, but the bulk of it has been pretty compartmentalized three months here, three months there, go there for three months, go here for three months, focus your energy and your attention for three months, sustain it for three months.

[878] You're now in a situation where you've been doing Ozark for, I guess, over three years, right?

[879] Yeah, about to start our fourth.

[880] Has your attention span had to evolve to match that?

[881] Have you found yourself policing yourself about getting bored or disinterested?

[882] Yeah, I mean, there are moments where you're interested in you're engaged and then there's other probably, you know, sections of the year where you just, you kind of start to gas a little bit and you might, yeah, potentially.

[883] But I'm pretty good, much like the introvert extrovert thing, you know, being chatty or being quiet, there's, whether I'm conscious of it or not, I'm able to kind of be black or white with work or play or talk or thinking.

[884] When I'm not working, like right now, I mean, I'm literally in pajamas all day long.

[885] I mean, I'll show them to you right now.

[886] I don't use the kind of we got a mount a war here type of brain power at all.

[887] I'm just I'm an idiot.

[888] I'm watching survival shows on television.

[889] I'm going to bed at 9 .30, 10 o 'clock.

[890] I'm up at 6 .30 and I'm looking at sites on the computer that are completely frivolous.

[891] But then when it's time to work, I'll gas up and I've got a lot of that.

[892] Since I haven't used that, it's exciting for me to kind of play with that side of my head for a while.

[893] Hopefully it'll, we're going to do a little bit of a longer season this year.

[894] So hopefully I don't, I don't run out of gas.

[895] But I get home every weekend so I can be stupid, you know.

[896] Now, and you already brought it up, and I think we're similar in this way, is that you like to kick your own ass, right?

[897] You hate yourself more than any other person could pot.

[898] Your, your biggest enemy probably doesn't hate you with a third of the eye or you have for yourself.

[899] Is that accurate?

[900] Well, it's said a different way.

[901] My eye on what it is I'm doing as an actor, as a director, and then the whole either film or TV show that I'm in or on, my eye is sharper than anyone else's eye for my particular taste.

[902] So I'm not saying I'm the best critic in the world, but I am for the things that I like.

[903] So when I'm doing something, I know for sure that there is one person that is laser focused on all the things that I like and all the things that I don't like.

[904] And so that forces me to really kind of be on my game because I know that person's going to be watching.

[905] So, yes, I'm pretty intolerant of me screwing up.

[906] But also, too, if you say something at a party, you're going to really let yourself have it for about six or seven hours, right?

[907] You're going to obsess on that and give yourself a good lashing about your impropriety.

[908] Yeah.

[909] In my personal life, I am the same way, too.

[910] But again, getting out to belabor the issue, I probably err on assuming the other person thinks like me. You know, and I shouldn't do that.

[911] You know, like the other person is going to think, well, the reason he's not talking is because he's comfortable here.

[912] No, they're thinking the reason he's not talking is because he's not happy here.

[913] But it's the opposite.

[914] I just need to put myself at other people's shoes a little bit more.

[915] Well, well, I guess what I was going to say is I wonder because of that, because I really loathe myself at times.

[916] I've gotten way better over the years.

[917] I'm just saying from where I started, right?

[918] I just, I'm a big piece of shit and I should have been one way and my mom deserved to have one son and she got this other one.

[919] And so I've, I've structured my life in this punctuated way where I kill myself for some period of time to buy myself some goodwill so I can enjoy just being by myself.

[920] So let's say I direct a movie, right?

[921] And I just murder myself, all so that I can sit on that couch and watch that shit and not hate myself.

[922] But then it wears off.

[923] Like there's money in the bank.

[924] I did X, Y, and Z. And then the first three days are heaven.

[925] Fourth day, I'm not feeling it.

[926] Fifth day, I'm like, you're a big pile of shit.

[927] you got to go do something.

[928] I wonder if you motivate yourself and cycle through that similarly.

[929] I don't know if I'm conscious of it, but I do think that what you're, I think you're talking about is the burden of the person who has not built a dumb house of denial, you know, of unsubstantiated ego, you know, getting back to what we were talking about before.

[930] Like things are pretty simple for the person who's entitled.

[931] Things are pretty simple for the person who's arrogant.

[932] But I would much rather kind of air on the side of self -doubt so that I don't buy the attitude I should have been renting, you know, because like that, that lesson's real painful.

[933] Yeah.

[934] You know, and I've gone through that one.

[935] I mean, I've spent a lot of my life thinking I was badass and then got smacked when, you know, the real news came in.

[936] You know, so like you can live in that bubble until it's popped and then you've got to pay the bill of the correction.

[937] And I just don't want to go through that again.

[938] So I would much rather assume that I'm not right and just put in the extra effort to get as sure as I can that I am.

[939] And in the event that I'm not right, I've got some options.

[940] Yeah.

[941] And that goes with work.

[942] It goes with personal life.

[943] I just think that it's the burden.

[944] I think we pay for being, I know what the right word is, but kinder, more human, more vulnerable, more kind of participating.

[945] And I don't know everything.

[946] And that's, I got a long, hopefully I'm just halfway through.

[947] You know, I've got another 50 years to live.

[948] And so that means I got half more to learn.

[949] Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

[950] Last two questions.

[951] Do you have anything?

[952] Stop kissing.

[953] Why are you guys kissing?

[954] You guys are kissing each other.

[955] What's that?

[956] Is Monica in your top 10 best friends?

[957] Yeah, yes.

[958] Okay, good.

[959] Yeah, yeah.

[960] Yeah, yeah.

[961] Above you.

[962] Sure, as she should be.

[963] I want to ask two more kind of professional questions.

[964] One is I just want to acknowledge that you got nominating.

[965] nominated again for acting this year for an Emmy.

[966] And then I imagine as a producer of the show, did the show get nominated as well?

[967] Yeah.

[968] Yeah, yeah.

[969] And then last year you got nominated as a director.

[970] It's so wonderful.

[971] Do you feel the safety of like, you're good, man. People know you're good.

[972] You can take a breath.

[973] Now that I'm saying you need to ease up or anything, but just, you know, the racket we have of like, will I work again, where the options still be open.

[974] I hope you're approaching or have already landed on the, I will work.

[975] I'm good.

[976] People have seen it.

[977] And I'm okay.

[978] I don't think you'd be surprised to hear that that is not the case.

[979] Okay, okay, okay.

[980] You know, it was really scarring, I guess.

[981] You know, it's a lot to overcome to have been on top and then get your ass kicked and then build your way back.

[982] Yeah, and again, just being a consumer, like, you and I could probably spend 20 minutes talking about all the people that were relevant last year that you haven't heard a word about in the last 10 months.

[983] That's true.

[984] You know, I mean, it is unfair cyclical thing.

[985] but also a healthy cyclical thing in our business that, you know, just like in professional sports, like if you're not hitting above, you know, 200, you're going back down to the minors.

[986] It's just, it's a meritocracy in that sense.

[987] Yeah.

[988] But, you know, we don't have batting averages in this business.

[989] And so it's a little bit more sort of unsettling because the gauge by which they decide whether you're going down to the miners or not is kind of nebulous.

[990] It involves likeability.

[991] It involves like all these.

[992] Social media followers.

[993] how good looking you are.

[994] Yeah, and also, you know, this is a true team sport.

[995] You know, you can knock it out of the park in your lane, but you're fully reliant on multiple lanes of equal effect to do their job as well.

[996] And sometimes that's while you're working with them.

[997] And other times it's downstream after you're already on something else.

[998] There's another group of people that are working on it up to and including just the release of it, the marketing of it.

[999] Like, look at the poster they did.

[1000] That's terrible.

[1001] No one's ever going to see that.

[1002] And it's two years of your life represented by a photograph.

[1003] Right.

[1004] And can't blame the audience for that.

[1005] What else are they going to gauge their decision on?

[1006] You know, it's a 30 second out on TV and a poster.

[1007] That's it.

[1008] You know, maybe a trailer.

[1009] I'm honest with myself that I can try to do as good a job as I possibly can, but there are zero guarantees.

[1010] There's no guarantee of employment with a diploma, a minimum of salary based on a degree.

[1011] it's all very objective and you need to stay humble and work hard to keep living or making a living in this particular business for sure okay so i believe that you're that person you will never not get a job working on tv you're just too good you'll never not go to job directing you've proven you're just great so you know will it be at the heights who knows but i do believe you've proven as much as a human can prove that you're so competent and so i want to say thank you What you're stellar at, as someone who's watched Ozark, is you get the most even beautiful, consistent performances.

[1012] Whatever you're doing with the actors is top -notch.

[1013] Visually, that aesthetic, I talk about your home that you give the credit to Amanda, you have a beautiful aesthetic.

[1014] I know you put a lot of time into what visually happens on that show.

[1015] You're really, really great at it.

[1016] The thing I want for you, this is part two.

[1017] Do you watch Succession?

[1018] I do not, and it is number one on my list.

[1019] a lot of people that I love and respect are just crazy about that show.

[1020] It's definitely arguably the best show on television and I'm so excited for you to watch it because what they're doing on that show is they're playing everything hyper real.

[1021] The stakes are high.

[1022] The tension's there and it's fucking hysterical.

[1023] It is and it's even it's even exponentially hysterical because the world is so grounded and rooted visually, production wise, everything, right?

[1024] It's a master class.

[1025] And so when I watch Succession, I immediately think of you because I think, oh, man, Bateman could do this show.

[1026] He's one of the few people, other than the people doing this show that could do this show.

[1027] You could come in and you could make everything so real, so believable.

[1028] The performances would be there.

[1029] And then you have such a brilliant comedic mind.

[1030] I guess what I'm wondering is, are you going to try to infuse that aspect?

[1031] Because Ozark is a very specific thing.

[1032] And we could all agree it's not the funniest show.

[1033] Will you tackle a project that combines all those things?

[1034] I would love to, yeah.

[1035] As far as future projects and stuff go, yes, please, I'm not a writer.

[1036] I wish I was.

[1037] But I'm always looking for the opportunities in what is not designed as a comedy, whether it be a scene or sequence or whatever, to find the humor in it.

[1038] Because if you are playing something real, even if it's a drama, you're right on the edge of losing your dignity as a character.

[1039] So that's kind of where comedy lives anyway, especially with the characters that I play, which are these dorks that are kind of right in the middle of like they're not a protagonist they're not the scary guy and they're not the funny guy they're the one reacting to both of them so i like playing that part i like projects that have that and as a director i like straddling that tone so yes anything and everything that's got that i would love to read yeah okay well i was going to say just the last compliment is um that's another just an asset you have which is you've always been since i've been studying you as you can see i have the ego listness of how you have always gone out and gotten someone better than you involved, which I have been reluctant to do out of my own fear that it would expose my insecurities, like that it would confirm what I thought about myself, that I'm not that good.

[1040] And if I just bring this person that's better than me, they will certainly expose that, right?

[1041] You've not had that.

[1042] Like when you did identity report, you were quick to go like, oh my God, Melissa McCarthy, she's a fucking, she is a force of nature.

[1043] That's who I want in this movie.

[1044] And that just takes some kind of confidence in eagelessness that I think has really benefited you and admirable and people should, you know, people should learn from that.

[1045] I guess it's what people in tech companies do, right?

[1046] They go out and get people smarter than themselves.

[1047] Well, it's nice of you to say.

[1048] But I mean, me being kind of the straight man, I need somebody really funny for me to be funny.

[1049] Me being the straight man in drama, I need somebody to be a really great character actor so that you can cut to the lead, the person who's supposed to be just normal.

[1050] you know, the audience member, to react to something that's startling from a character actor.

[1051] So there's a necessity there, but there's also a sense and understanding, a trust that no matter how good anybody is, the fact that it's a team thing, there's going to be a lane available for me to excel in and to kind of show my plumage, you know, and you must have a much better sense and confidence in that than you're even implying.

[1052] You know, your podcast is a testament to that.

[1053] Just one example of it.

[1054] The amount of introspection, analysis, honesty that you've been living with in the last year, five years, 10 years versus any time before that, you've got to be proud of.

[1055] I mean, that's what people love listening to you, I'm sure, is, I mean, listen to the questions you've asked me on this thing.

[1056] Like, deeply personal, easily understandable because they're honest questions.

[1057] that's a superpower that I don't care who you would hire in any movie you would direct or anything that you would do where you're trying to judge, I don't want to bring that person on there too good.

[1058] No one's got that superpower like you do.

[1059] And that, pardon the term, trumps everything else, any sort of ability or skill set.

[1060] If you're a person that is unapologetic about how honest they are and how true they feel things and their ability to articulate those feelings, tell me what circumstance you aren't on the top of the food chain with, whether it's a conversation, work on a set, playing a game, whatever it is.

[1061] If you have that quality, you can't fake that.

[1062] That takes a lot of work and something you should probably, as you are, you wear it right on your chest and say, I'm a badass, look at this.

[1063] I'm confident and secure enough and comfortable enough on my own skin that we can have this conversation, we can do this venture together, whatever it is.

[1064] I think that's what everyone's shooting for.

[1065] Okay, so my conclusion after that volley of compliments, we clearly love each other.

[1066] So I'm going to see you what, like next Wednesday, right?

[1067] Yeah, I'm coming over right after this.

[1068] You're good.

[1069] Maybe we should schedule something for, you know, December.

[1070] All right, well, Bateman, I fucking adore you.

[1071] I had so much fun doing smartless and then I listened to it.

[1072] People loved it.

[1073] You were fantastic on that.

[1074] We really shouldn't have started with that because as great as all the other interviews are, it all goes downhill.

[1075] There's an energy and an ease to you, like what I just got finished saying.

[1076] It translates.

[1077] It's infectious.

[1078] Well, thank you.

[1079] I loved it.

[1080] And I listened to it, you know, 40 % because I'm a narcissist.

[1081] But really 60 % to see how you guys were going to make that sausage with three, you know, four people talking.

[1082] I just, I had a logistical curiosity about how it would come out.

[1083] And I got to say, it came up brilliantly in there.

[1084] As you say, there's a lane for everyone.

[1085] and everyone, it's very cohesive and it could have been a real shit show like an explosion of everyone getting their two cents in and you've avoided that so I think it was great and I hope people check it out and I adore you and I love you and I'll see you in a year and we'll feel the same way about each other we don't it doesn't have to be a quantity thing we are solid right it doesn't even matter we're solid no matter when we see each other I love you right back Monica you know the way I feel about you number one best friend number one best friend love you both thank you very very much for having me and thank you for doing our thing yeah yeah enjoy the rest of your day and your jammies thank you pal all right all right you guys see you baitski bye and now my favorite part of the show the fact check with my soulmate monica padman dachs off a list of questions on my fact check and got excited i did i try not to spy on your work because i don't know if you write sometimes like i hate dax yeah and if you feel that way occasionally, that's okay.

[1086] It's none of my business.

[1087] I don't think I would write it down.

[1088] We say that in AA.

[1089] What other people think of you is none of your business.

[1090] I like that.

[1091] I like it, but it's aspirational.

[1092] Yeah.

[1093] Well, we claim progress, not perfection.

[1094] Yeah.

[1095] Do you have any more quotes?

[1096] Yeah, I've tons of them.

[1097] The first is tomorrow.

[1098] So, tomorrow is your sobriety birthday.

[1099] Oh, tomorrow's the fur.

[1100] Speaking of, speaking of alcoholism, tomorrow is your sobriety birthday 16 years without any drinky poo or nose candy yeah good job yeah really good job i got to say the thought of going 16 years without a drinky poo was truly unimaginable to me yeah yeah i'm so prattie but one day at a time you can add it up to 16 years oh it's so impressive that's so hard to do you can't make it what like three days right now i can't hardly make it three hours It's become never felt the need to like take a week off of drinking, which people do all the time and I don't really get it.

[1101] But after Saturday, I am going to take some time off.

[1102] You are.

[1103] What's led this idea that you want to take a break?

[1104] I just have been drinking a lot.

[1105] Oh, you just objectively, you're like, yeah.

[1106] Yeah.

[1107] I just feel like maybe my body could use a break.

[1108] But I was told when I got my diagnosis.

[1109] Uh -huh.

[1110] Which one?

[1111] You have so many now.

[1112] They're piling up like mine.

[1113] Why?

[1114] Well, you have epilepsy.

[1115] Yeah, that's the one.

[1116] Yeah.

[1117] And then you went on an antidepressant, so I didn't know which one you were referring to.

[1118] Oh, my epilepsy.

[1119] I was told by doctor that drinking a lot can cause one.

[1120] But also having been drinking a lot and then stopping can cause one.

[1121] Oh, no shit.

[1122] Yeah.

[1123] So I have to like wane off.

[1124] Yeah.

[1125] Oh, okay.

[1126] Well, that kind of makes sense because I've had the DT's many.

[1127] times and it's violent shaking it's like almost a seizure yeah depleted i don't think i felt much embarrassment i would feel embarrassment about like things i said while hammered you know and then i'd have to call and apologize to people but the actual the overall look i was fine with because it was like you know i still was getting the grades and i was in the growlings and i was doing things but um the the times that i had the dTs and i'd be laying in bed next to Bree and it's like the most for me they were like they were always like emanating from my stomach and they would cause my whole body to jerk yeah I was pretty embarrassed by that oh my god like she's laying next to me what is she thinking like this is what you see in a movie I'm like you just feel out of control too yeah yeah yes yes yeah yeah it's like an ultimate sign that you're not in control yeah yeah and then also I guess if I do want to call up my new diagnosis It's a depressant, a pretty potent one.

[1128] Alcohol.

[1129] Yes.

[1130] Uh -huh.

[1131] And so not great for me to be drinking a ton, having just gone on a new medication to combat the thing.

[1132] I'm now bringing back in my body.

[1133] Right.

[1134] Like maybe it takes you just back down to zero.

[1135] Yeah.

[1136] So I'm just going to take a little breaky.

[1137] What do you think about that?

[1138] You always think I drink so well, but what do you think?

[1139] I do think you drink well.

[1140] And I think anytime you're thinking you need to take a break, you should listen to that voice.

[1141] Yeah.

[1142] But one of the things you said to me that I found to be very flattering and really raised my self -esteem is you said it's kind of easy to not drink around me because it's fun.

[1143] So just hang out with me a lot that next week and I'll put on a show.

[1144] Okay.

[1145] Sounds great.

[1146] All right.

[1147] You've fallen in with a bad crowd is what it is.

[1148] Your wife.

[1149] My wife, Matt, Laura.

[1150] These are all bad, bad, bad people, bad influences.

[1151] I know.

[1152] Well, it's also paralleled your new love for spades.

[1153] Exactly.

[1154] Oh, my God.

[1155] That's the thing.

[1156] Like, I'm not going to not play spades, but I also need to drink during spades.

[1157] Sure.

[1158] That makes sense.

[1159] Okay.

[1160] That was my thing with poker is that I love to drink my Jack Daniels when I played poker.

[1161] And then my good friend, Scott Johnson, who God bless him, because this is a hard thing to say to a best friend.

[1162] You know, he said, I don't want you to drink in my house anymore.

[1163] After my performance at one of the Sunday night poker games.

[1164] And how did you receive that?

[1165] Were you defensive?

[1166] Not at all.

[1167] I was so embarrassed.

[1168] I was mortified.

[1169] And then I quit drinking for a year and a half on my own without AA.

[1170] That was the period I did drugs, but didn't drink anymore.

[1171] Right.

[1172] Went kind of well, I guess.

[1173] No, no, didn't.

[1174] Did not.

[1175] But, you know, I applaud him for doing that.

[1176] I know it's so hard to say to a good friend.

[1177] It's just a real act of love to say.

[1178] say that to somebody and it's it's a very hard thing to say and it's and i very much appreciate that he had done that yeah it's so funny when you tell these stories because i i just feel like you're talking about another person do you feel like you are or does it still feel very much like you yeah no it feels it feels like me yeah but i agree there's so many stories that just simply wouldn't have happened in the last 16 years that were commonplace.

[1179] But you know enough about me and my ego that like one of the things I have in the past thought was cool about me is that I have a high tolerance for everything, right?

[1180] Like be it pain or risk or consumption.

[1181] So I think if people are like, oh, he's crazy, you know, like I think I was letting that be a compliment to me. You know, that's not the case anymore.

[1182] Yeah, which is good.

[1183] Yeah.

[1184] The idea that somebody told you you couldn't come over to their house anymore.

[1185] Like that would net.

[1186] I couldn't drink at their house.

[1187] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1188] Well, yeah, I know.

[1189] Yeah.

[1190] I can't imagine like you causing a scene so, well, in some ways I can't.

[1191] But not in.

[1192] It's just so unlike you.

[1193] Right.

[1194] Right.

[1195] But you've grown.

[1196] That just means you've grown.

[1197] That's really great.

[1198] I'm a grown -up boy.

[1199] Okay.

[1200] Jason B. You said the name of the HBO pilot, but you couldn't remember the name, the outsider.

[1201] The outsider.

[1202] Yes.

[1203] Okay.

[1204] Now we're going to get to the fun part.

[1205] Oh.

[1206] This is the part you saw.

[1207] Oh.

[1208] That you cheated at.

[1209] Okay.

[1210] So we were talking about inside the actor's studio.

[1211] Mm -hmm.

[1212] And you were saying the Proust questionnaire.

[1213] Right.

[1214] Proust.

[1215] But it is.

[1216] It's Proust.

[1217] It's Proust.

[1218] So that's one of the checks.

[1219] Okay.

[1220] I looked up how to see.

[1221] say it, Proust, but also the inside of the actor's studio questionnaire is not the Proust questionnaire.

[1222] Oh, it's not?

[1223] It's not.

[1224] It's from a French guy named Bernard Pivot.

[1225] It's called the Pivot, you know?

[1226] He says that almost on every episode.

[1227] Yeah, now that you say Pivo, I can hear him saying it, and he would affect his French accent for it.

[1228] I loved that show so much.

[1229] I did too.

[1230] There's few people that can take themselves as seriously as he does.

[1231] and it's still charming and likable.

[1232] And he is right at the maximum.

[1233] James Lipton.

[1234] Yeah, James Lipton.

[1235] So the Pevoe questionnaire, that's, what's your favorite word?

[1236] What's your least favorite word?

[1237] What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally?

[1238] What turns you off?

[1239] What's your favorite curse word?

[1240] What sound or noise do you love?

[1241] What sound or noise do you hate?

[1242] What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

[1243] What profession would you not like to do?

[1244] If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gate?

[1245] Okay, that's Pivot.

[1246] Okay.

[1247] Now, Proust.

[1248] Okay.

[1249] Did he have a questionnaire?

[1250] Oh, he did.

[1251] Oh, he did?

[1252] Yeah, we're going to do it.

[1253] Oh, wonderful.

[1254] Yeah.

[1255] The Proust questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized, though not devised by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist who believe that in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature.

[1256] Here is the basic Proust questionnaire.

[1257] This is so fun.

[1258] I am already thanking you for.

[1259] constructing it.

[1260] Number one, what is your idea of perfect happiness?

[1261] It's family.

[1262] When my three ladies are very happy, I just witnessed it.

[1263] They were laying in bed last night.

[1264] They were all kind of giggling and being happy.

[1265] And that's a 10 for me. That's nice.

[1266] Yeah.

[1267] Okay, what is your greatest fear?

[1268] My greatest fear is declining physically.

[1269] Yeah, not being able to do the things I like to do.

[1270] What's your greatest fear?

[1271] Can we do these together?

[1272] Sure.

[1273] So I answer the first one.

[1274] Okay.

[1275] It's harder, right, than you would think.

[1276] Yeah, it's hard.

[1277] Because you don't want to say one and then an hour later remember.

[1278] Oh, no, no, no. The thing I like way more than that is this.

[1279] Yeah.

[1280] There's just anxiety to.

[1281] That's okay.

[1282] You don't have to.

[1283] We can do this every week.

[1284] Yeah.

[1285] I don't have to put too much pressure on ourselves.

[1286] For me, it's being in a space with the people I love who I know for certain love me back.

[1287] Yeah.

[1288] Okay.

[1289] Greatest fear, yours is declining physically.

[1290] But by the way, of course, my greatest fear is that my kids, something wouldn't happen to my kids.

[1291] Right.

[1292] Okay.

[1293] But then beyond that, my own selfish personal fear is that.

[1294] Yeah.

[1295] My greatest fear is...

[1296] abandonment okay good i was i was going to phrase it differently yeah but i guess i was going to try to say like to learn that you your friends had a negative opinion of you that they were sharing amongst themselves but not to you which is really abandoned yeah that's yeah oh buddy have you ever had a friend abandon you no yeah you're super likable and everyone loves you that knows you so much.

[1297] I cannot foresee anyone abandoning you.

[1298] Okay, what is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

[1299] My self -centeredness, my penchant for making everything about myself.

[1300] Mine is having an unflexibility in expectation of other people and myself, I guess, but mainly of other people, like I don't really give people a break.

[1301] Okay, what?

[1302] What's the trait you most to pour in others?

[1303] I think it's the same.

[1304] Really?

[1305] Yeah, it drives me crazy.

[1306] Yeah.

[1307] And it makes sense because I hate it about myself.

[1308] I don't like that in people either, but what I hate the most is hypocrisy.

[1309] I think everyone's guilty of it sometimes, but I don't think I'm that guilty of it.

[1310] I don't think you are at all.

[1311] And I agree with you.

[1312] That, for me, is abnormally triggering.

[1313] Yes.

[1314] Because I guess it's always generally, in my opinion, associated with judgment.

[1315] So it starts with someone being judgmental, and then they're guilty of it themselves.

[1316] Yes.

[1317] I just hate people who are in the shaming others' business.

[1318] I can't stand it.

[1319] It also is, there's something about it that feels like injustice.

[1320] Yeah.

[1321] Which living person do you most admire?

[1322] There's so many.

[1323] That's hard.

[1324] It is hard.

[1325] It might be a tie between Bill Gates and Chappelle.

[1326] Oh, my blankies shutting.

[1327] Um, mine is my dad.

[1328] Oh, I'm so happy to hear that.

[1329] Oh, man. Sorry, Mom.

[1330] Oh, man, now I'm thinking I should have said my mom.

[1331] Well, Chappelle did pop into my mind first when I read the question.

[1332] Yeah.

[1333] For me, too.

[1334] I'm just so amazed by him.

[1335] Yes.

[1336] But I...

[1337] He's such an impressive human being.

[1338] Yeah.

[1339] But I don't know the intricacies of him.

[1340] You know, like there are things I admire about my dad that have, that have nothing to do with success or what he puts out.

[1341] It's just like his patience level.

[1342] You know, I don't know.

[1343] Came over here by himself.

[1344] I know.

[1345] And he made this life and it, ugh.

[1346] And he made this whole of simulation.

[1347] Yes.

[1348] He made COVID, you know.

[1349] Father made COVID.

[1350] We love him.

[1351] We admire him for that.

[1352] Okay, well, this should be easy for you.

[1353] What is your greatest extravagance?

[1354] Cars.

[1355] Yeah, Pangaya.

[1356] For you, Pangaya?

[1357] I don't know.

[1358] That lamp you bought was pretty extravagant.

[1359] I always see it and I wonder, do you still feel?

[1360] I love it.

[1361] I love my lamp.

[1362] Oh, good.

[1363] There's zero buyer's remorse.

[1364] I love lamp.

[1365] But you will get a matcha delivered.

[1366] house.

[1367] When you hit me with the price tag of that the other day, I was like, wow, I don't even know if I would.

[1368] I would do that.

[1369] Yeah, but I don't have kids and stuff.

[1370] Well, I do have pee baby, but she's very low cost.

[1371] Oh, yeah, yeah, yes.

[1372] She's free.

[1373] Yeah.

[1374] What is your current state of mind?

[1375] Current is gratitude.

[1376] I've been feeling immense piles of gratitude lately.

[1377] I have a really nice life and it's filled with the most beautiful people yeah that's beautiful how about you my current state of mind is alcoholic rosay uncertain that's a great word yeah i've known as for a couple weeks you've been kind of navigating something i don't i'm not sure what but i can tell there's a lot on your mind well yeah Yeah, and just the state of the world is so uncertain.

[1378] There's a lot of uncertainty around, and I think it makes you start questioning your own personal stability, I guess.

[1379] Yeah.

[1380] Well, what's interesting about, I was talking to my psychiatrist this morning.

[1381] We were talking about this interesting aspect of corona, and again, not for everyone.

[1382] Everyone's having a different experience with it, and some people are, you know, working their asses off and, you know, nothing's really changed for them.

[1383] For me, I have stepped out of the woods.

[1384] I can see the forest currently.

[1385] But you know, you're generally so busy whipping through the forest that you don't have the perspective.

[1386] So to like kind of paused so much of life, you're now able to observe it, which can be good or bad, you know.

[1387] Yeah, I think there's no space right now for avoidance.

[1388] So you just have to kind of confront all the feelings.

[1389] Yeah, the way you could normally keep yourself distracted.

[1390] Yeah.

[1391] It has changed a bit.

[1392] What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

[1393] Niceness.

[1394] That's way up there for me. Not to be confused with kindness, which I do find to be different.

[1395] And I think kindness is...

[1396] Wonderful.

[1397] Yeah, I think that is a very good virtue.

[1398] But niceness, I agree.

[1399] agree is overrated.

[1400] Probably the most.

[1401] Yeah.

[1402] So many people will like, what do you like about someone so?

[1403] Oh, they're so nice.

[1404] And I just think that's not enough for me. I mean, anyone can fake niceness, you know.

[1405] And you also, not to be critical of the South, but, you know, often when I'm in the South, there's so much politeness.

[1406] Yeah, Southern hospitality.

[1407] Yeah.

[1408] And I'm split on it.

[1409] It's a little bit like, yeah, it's nice.

[1410] But then what are their actions?

[1411] Yeah.

[1412] What are their actions?

[1413] And, you know, I don't know.

[1414] I don't know that I always believe it, I guess.

[1415] Yeah, this has been a long time rant of mine.

[1416] I know.

[1417] I know.

[1418] I'm kind of, I stole your answer.

[1419] Yeah.

[1420] Also, sometimes, again, not to be too critical.

[1421] So sometimes you'll go to a gas station in the South.

[1422] And there's only two people in front of you.

[1423] And it can take 13 minutes.

[1424] Because of the chit chat.

[1425] Oh, my God.

[1426] And how are you?

[1427] You're good.

[1428] Oh, good.

[1429] Good.

[1430] And they're good.

[1431] and you're well oh good yeah we're doing good too we're well you know and you're like oh my goodness yeah pick up the pace okay on what occasion do you lie there's several sure I will punch up a story I will evaluate whether or not maybe rightly or wrongly whether the person can handle the at that moment or if that's going to be helpful to them in that moment.

[1432] It's a sliding scale.

[1433] I have some friends that I can be 100 % honest with at all times.

[1434] And there's some that I know they are too fragile for that.

[1435] And that's not really what they're asking for.

[1436] Yeah, but you are making the decision for them, which isn't really fair.

[1437] That's right.

[1438] Yeah.

[1439] How about you?

[1440] Yeah, also multiple ways.

[1441] But the one that sticks out is like if it's going to make, the person feel good, but I don't believe it.

[1442] Mm -hmm.

[1443] Then I'll say it.

[1444] Yeah, sure.

[1445] I've also lied about my penis size.

[1446] I've told people it was 14 inches because I thought they'd be afraid that it's actually 16 inches.

[1447] Oh.

[1448] So I...

[1449] Okay.

[1450] That's an honorable lie.

[1451] Oh, geez.

[1452] What do you most dislike about your appearance?

[1453] Oh, fuck.

[1454] Where do we start?

[1455] Where do we start?

[1456] Well, I'm my nose, number one, I think, for me. Yeah, probably my nose.

[1457] Ooh, which living person do you most despise?

[1458] Hmm.

[1459] That's a hard one.

[1460] Well, I have a few.

[1461] You do?

[1462] You do?

[1463] Oh, I do, yeah.

[1464] Tough.

[1465] But Bill O 'Reilly.

[1466] Mm -hmm.

[1467] And by the way, having nothing to do with this politics, I can handle that someone has different politics than me. But the bullying, the one thing I saw him do that I wanted to find him and beat the shit out of him was he had the son of a first responder to 9 -11 who was anti -war, anti -going to Iraq.

[1468] And he was on the show promoting that, and he said your father would be ashamed of you.

[1469] Yeah, that's the worst.

[1470] Fucking monster, dude.

[1471] Oh, yeah.

[1472] That made me want to take him out to the woodshed for sure.

[1473] Ooh.

[1474] Who do you hate?

[1475] Currently, I think Trump.

[1476] I do.

[1477] I think there's too much hatred he's sown.

[1478] I despise it.

[1479] Oh.

[1480] What?

[1481] It's fun to read these.

[1482] I haven't read them yet.

[1483] Yeah.

[1484] What's the quality you most like in a man?

[1485] I think dependability.

[1486] For me. Prick size?

[1487] Yeah.

[1488] Well, not 16 inches.

[1489] About 14, though.

[1490] That sounds pretty good, right?

[1491] I don't think so.

[1492] I think vulnerability.

[1493] I'm taking mine back.

[1494] I said dependability.

[1495] That's a good one, though.

[1496] Well, you know, what's interesting is that I started hosting an in -person AA meeting, but outside social distance.

[1497] It was basically up to me to pick who I was going to invite because it had to be a small group.

[1498] And I love all 30 -some people that are in my Tuesday meeting.

[1499] But I was like, why did I pick these specific guys?

[1500] And I think it was honesty.

[1501] I am so attracted to people who are dead honest.

[1502] I think it's, yeah.

[1503] Or self -aware for me is important.

[1504] Yeah.

[1505] What is the quality most like in a woman?

[1506] It's interesting because I don't see the reason for there to be a distinction, really, between male and female.

[1507] That's true.

[1508] That's true.

[1509] But I guess, I guess in truth, it's competence.

[1510] I'm very, very attracted to competence in women.

[1511] Yeah.

[1512] And obviously, because I think my mother is so insanely competent.

[1513] Right.

[1514] Ma nod Sheila.

[1515] Oh, wow.

[1516] I mean, how fucking competent was that?

[1517] He was 24 years old.

[1518] Go build me a city.

[1519] Okay.

[1520] I'll do that.

[1521] How about for you for a woman?

[1522] Well, she had competence, but she also had Stockholm syndrome from the Bogwan.

[1523] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1524] But why is it different from people who like Jesus?

[1525] No. Like she felt like in the dock, she says like he put his hand on her leg maybe or her hand.

[1526] And she looked in his eyes and she could feel what people feel when they look at Jesus.

[1527] Well, I guess no one looks at Jesus, but you know what I'm saying.

[1528] Right.

[1529] I think that is the difference.

[1530] A live human on earth who can manipulate you currently versus.

[1531] Yeah.

[1532] People can use Jesus' teachings to manipulate, but he's not doing it.

[1533] Right, right.

[1534] The interpretation of him can be good or bad.

[1535] Yeah.

[1536] What did I answer?

[1537] No. Uh, you know, I think I'm going to reverse.

[1538] I think for women, for me, it's dependability.

[1539] Oh, okay.

[1540] Yeah.

[1541] Do you think in general women are less dependable than men?

[1542] No. No. But for me, the women in my life that I trust the most or have put in my inner circle are all incredibly dependable.

[1543] Right.

[1544] So that's kind of how I judged it.

[1545] Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

[1546] You know, it's funny is for an average person taking this test, like they'd really probably have to think about it, but because we have a show or we talk nonstop, I'm kind of overly aware of how many I, I mean, there's so many, right?

[1547] I used to say suffice to say so often.

[1548] You don't say that.

[1549] I know.

[1550] Because people pointed it out so much that maybe.

[1551] Okay.

[1552] Well, suffice to say, I'm going to probably bring it back.

[1553] Inordinate, I think is probably high in my, I love, I love saying inordinate or inordinately.

[1554] Huh.

[1555] You also say, you say the phrase, which is a lot.

[1556] Oh, tell me. Like, use it in a sentence.

[1557] Okay, I'm going to try.

[1558] Suffice to say, I thought something the other day, which is I. Oh.

[1559] Yeah.

[1560] You use it as a transition a lot.

[1561] I don't even think I'm aware of that.

[1562] It's cool.

[1563] Which is to say that I am new to this.

[1564] I'm sure I also have so many.

[1565] Are you unaware of them?

[1566] No, there's one I know for sure, but now I'm blanking.

[1567] And I've actually made it a point to try to stop.

[1568] Yeah.

[1569] Funny enough, when Bradley swung by yesterday, we had a long chat and we were talking about the podcast, and he said, you know, what impact do you think it's had on you personally?

[1570] And I said, you know, at this point, hundreds and hundreds of hours of talking, I've had to confront a lot of my, I think of myself as someone who's pretty self -aware, but even within that, I'm not nearly as self -aware as I thought I was.

[1571] So I'm so much more controlling than I would have thought in conversations to a nauseating level.

[1572] I think I have peeled that back, you know, compared to our first, you know, 30 episodes or whatever.

[1573] But I still have a lot of work to go.

[1574] But isn't that a gift?

[1575] No, it is.

[1576] That's what I'm saying.

[1577] I think probably everyone could benefit to hearing themselves.

[1578] Yeah.

[1579] What or who is the greatest love of your life?

[1580] I can't isolate that to one person.

[1581] You have to because this is prused.

[1582] Well, then, well, I got to pick one of my two kids.

[1583] Yeah.

[1584] I refuse to answer this question then.

[1585] Well, would it be your kids then?

[1586] Yeah, for sure.

[1587] I can't believe I know them.

[1588] Um, Callie, my best friend, I think.

[1589] Yeah.

[1590] My mom might be tied with my kids, but that's scary to say.

[1591] So am I in trouble with my wife?

[1592] I don't think she can get in trouble.

[1593] She doesn't listen to this.

[1594] Okay.

[1595] Well, this is, I mean, it's similar to an earlier one, but when and where were you happiest?

[1596] Oh, seventh grade.

[1597] Fucking no problem.

[1598] How about you?

[1599] I think I was happiest.

[1600] Can I guess?

[1601] sure Athens I haven't missed I've been so nostalgic for college lately it's so hard because there's another thing I want to guess can I guess why yeah it's hard is you still had a sizable amount of anxiety about getting into the goals you want to yeah exactly exactly so I was so happy but yet there was a lot hanging over Yeah.

[1602] Personal goals, professional goals.

[1603] Yeah, so I don't think I could say that even though it was so fun.

[1604] So, yeah, I think I would probably say sixth grade.

[1605] Oh, my goodness.

[1606] I got two best friends that year.

[1607] And I just had the best time.

[1608] And one lived in my neighborhood.

[1609] And so we hung out every day.

[1610] And I think sixth grade But ninth grade is also when I started cheerleading It's hard to pick I've had a lot of happy times Very lucky This is tremendously fun I know, I agree I don't know if it's interesting for anyone listening But it is fun Which talent would you most like to have?

[1611] Singing For me piano But without the practice Yes of course Like just be able to do it Yes sit down and just sit down and just tickle the ivory.

[1612] If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

[1613] That's also similar.

[1614] Some of these are similar.

[1615] One thing about myself, I would change.

[1616] You know, in the past, that would be so easy for me. It would be looks related.

[1617] Mm -hmm.

[1618] But I don't feel that way anymore.

[1619] Good.

[1620] No, you know, my big breakthrough in that are I would watch episodes of parenthood.

[1621] And I got to be careful because I'm eating, I know.

[1622] And I would leave a scene where I was really critical of how my nose looked in that scene.

[1623] And then I would watch a scene with Craig T. Nelson, and I would just be like, he is such an attractive being.

[1624] Like, his whole essence is so attractive.

[1625] Yeah.

[1626] I'm never focusing on his nose or his chin or is anything.

[1627] Right.

[1628] I'm just taking in him as a whole thing.

[1629] Yeah.

[1630] And that clicked a little bit for me where I was like, I'm not a nose or anything.

[1631] I just, I'm this thing you take in total.

[1632] Yeah, that's great.

[1633] That's true.

[1634] I think I would change.

[1635] I mean, it kind of is the same thing as what I said earlier about what I don't like about myself.

[1636] Like, I guess I would change stubbornness, maybe.

[1637] But I do like a lot of it.

[1638] I like what it leads to often.

[1639] So it's hard for me to say I want to change that.

[1640] I don't like the negative elements, but I do like the positive ones.

[1641] Actually, I think the one thing that.

[1642] I really would want to change is to be able to let things go.

[1643] I have a very hard time doing that.

[1644] What do you consider your greatest achievement?

[1645] I think it's sobriety.

[1646] Oh, yeah.

[1647] I just think because I did not think I was ever going to be able to stop drinking.

[1648] Right, right.

[1649] Like I really didn't think that was, I thought I was going to die of it.

[1650] Yeah.

[1651] I forgot.

[1652] That are smoking, quitting smoking.

[1653] Man, I just couldn't do it.

[1654] And I knew.

[1655] I knew I was going to die of it.

[1656] That's my greatest achievement, too.

[1657] Your surprise.

[1658] Good job.

[1659] Thanks.

[1660] What's your greatest achievement?

[1661] Stay champion?

[1662] That's not my greatest achievement.

[1663] I don't think.

[1664] I mean, if it is, that's a sad life, probably.

[1665] I don't think you necessarily should evaluate it in its overall impact or it's almost like something that was not in the cards that you made in the cards.

[1666] Right.

[1667] That's true.

[1668] That's true.

[1669] Okay.

[1670] Then in that case, it's when I learned to do a backflip.

[1671] We call it a backtuck, but for like layman's terms, it's backflip.

[1672] And I very much could not do it.

[1673] And I did not think it was in the cards.

[1674] And I had to do it because we had to have squad tucks.

[1675] And I was going to be replaced.

[1676] There was threat of getting replaced.

[1677] And so it was not cut, but having an alternate come in who could do more tumbling than me. I just, like, was not, my body was not meant to do those things.

[1678] And so I worked so hard.

[1679] And then one day I did it.

[1680] And then I kept doing it and kept doing it.

[1681] What a moment.

[1682] By the second season, I could, like, really.

[1683] You could rip it.

[1684] Oh, yeah.

[1685] I could do ten in a row.

[1686] Ten backflips in a row?

[1687] Yeah.

[1688] Monica, why don't you do backflips?

[1689] I can't do them anymore.

[1690] But, but you can.

[1691] No, no, no, no, no. It was hard enough then.

[1692] Even though I have elite muscle mass for some reason did not serve me well.

[1693] Like, I had to build up so much muscle in order to do it.

[1694] And that is gone.

[1695] That is gone.

[1696] That's not coming back.

[1697] That went the way of the dodo.

[1698] Okay.

[1699] If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what would it be?

[1700] I'm kind of stuck on logistics of this.

[1701] Like, could you come back as Brad Pitt, but isn't he still alive?

[1702] Right.

[1703] And then is there two Brad Pitt?

[1704] Or did you take over his body?

[1705] My killing Brad Pitt to become Brad Pitt.

[1706] But you know what's funny is as much as I love him and worship him, I would not want to be Brad Pitt if I had my pick.

[1707] I'd rather be Bill Murray.

[1708] Yeah.

[1709] But let's, for the sake of this, pick animals.

[1710] What do you think?

[1711] Oh, okay.

[1712] Yeah, so what animal would you want to come back as?

[1713] Oh, I would come back as a very domesticated dog.

[1714] Because I'd want to live in the comfort of somebody's home.

[1715] I would be an elephant.

[1716] I love elephants the most, but I don't think I'd want to be when they're not treated well.

[1717] Well, no, it'd be in the wild.

[1718] Oh, how do you know?

[1719] You might get captured.

[1720] Not this guy.

[1721] Not this elephant.

[1722] You know what I like about them is that they're not predators, but they're the toughest.

[1723] So they have no threats.

[1724] Yeah.

[1725] They're very nice.

[1726] They're super -intelligent.

[1727] They're super communal.

[1728] Yeah?

[1729] Yeah, I think that'd be great.

[1730] Okay.

[1731] Where would you most like to live?

[1732] Austin, Texas.

[1733] I knew you were going to say that.

[1734] Where would you most like to live?

[1735] New York.

[1736] Oh, wow.

[1737] Yes.

[1738] But not more than L .A. If we all lived in New York, like all our friends, then yeah, I would.

[1739] Really?

[1740] I love it there.

[1741] I love it too.

[1742] But we would all have to have a billion dollars.

[1743] Yes, you have to have a trillion dollars there.

[1744] I just find it's, it can.

[1745] It can be too much for me. It can, like...

[1746] A lot of stimulus.

[1747] Yeah.

[1748] Although, you're right.

[1749] I do think L .A. is the best place to live because of weather.

[1750] Yep.

[1751] Yep.

[1752] For me, proximity to mountains to snowboard at, uh, sand dunes, uh, ocean.

[1753] Yep.

[1754] And it's a good place.

[1755] We got the best place.

[1756] Yeah.

[1757] It's no mystery as to why 30 million people live here.

[1758] Okay.

[1759] What is your most treasured possession?

[1760] I think our current house, not the one we're moving into.

[1761] Oh, that's nice.

[1762] It means so much to me emotionally.

[1763] Yeah, because you bought it.

[1764] First house I ever bought.

[1765] I've now lived there for 16 years.

[1766] My children were born there.

[1767] How about you?

[1768] Your Prius?

[1769] Yeah.

[1770] God, I love that thing.

[1771] It's so funny, as much as I love material items, I don't know that I have one that's treasured.

[1772] That I actually feel like, If the house was on fire, I would grab it.

[1773] Yeah.

[1774] I take it all back.

[1775] My journals.

[1776] Oh, yeah.

[1777] Yeah, that's the thing that I cherish and would hate to lose.

[1778] Yeah.

[1779] Which is really interesting because it is your ego, I can acknowledge that.

[1780] Why?

[1781] Well, I don't know.

[1782] Just like, why do I need my thoughts from, you know, I guess what I'm saying is, like, I'm never going to read it.

[1783] Mm -hmm.

[1784] And I doubt my kids, even though I would let them, I don't think they're going to read it.

[1785] Yeah, but I mean it, but it's just a chronicling of your journey.

[1786] So I don't know if that's ego as much as, I mean, maybe it's ego.

[1787] Because whether you have those or not, you had your journey.

[1788] Right.

[1789] Okay, what do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

[1790] The lowest depth of misery.

[1791] Now, is this, in theory, Theory or something you've experienced, do you think?

[1792] Great question.

[1793] We'll have to decide.

[1794] I think in theory.

[1795] I think it would definitely be losing a child.

[1796] Yeah, I think so, too.

[1797] Like, like, accidentally flushing my pee, baby.

[1798] That could happen.

[1799] What is your favorite occupation?

[1800] This one.

[1801] Again, this is tricky.

[1802] It must be in theory, right?

[1803] I don't know.

[1804] All right, well.

[1805] Proust?

[1806] Proust.

[1807] Be a little bit more.

[1808] clear.

[1809] Yeah.

[1810] Okay.

[1811] I bet it's more in theory and I would say medicine is the one I'm the most grateful for anyway.

[1812] Like when you showed us your shoulder all opened up and it's like somebody did that.

[1813] Somebody put a bionic arm on you.

[1814] Yeah.

[1815] Okay, what is your most marked characteristic?

[1816] I think that means what characteristic defines you the most.

[1817] Right.

[1818] Like, Like if someone was saying, oh, you know, Dax, he's blank, right?

[1819] Exactly.

[1820] Okay.

[1821] I think it would be my humor.

[1822] Yeah.

[1823] How about you?

[1824] That I'm short.

[1825] I think that's what they would say.

[1826] Really?

[1827] You know, Monica, she's short and then they'd say other things, but short is probably first.

[1828] I've never said that.

[1829] What do you most value in your friends?

[1830] Well, I think that goes back to the other thing.

[1831] We can delete.

[1832] We're going to skip this one.

[1833] Okay.

[1834] Who are your favorite writer?

[1835] That's cool that he included that.

[1836] Yeah, big time.

[1837] Well, he's a writer, so it's kind of self -serving.

[1838] Okay, you're right.

[1839] There's a lot.

[1840] Grackauer, Dotsiefsky, however the hell you say that.

[1841] Bukowski, of course.

[1842] Tobias Wolf, Raymond Carver.

[1843] How about you?

[1844] Who are my favorite writers?

[1845] I used to love Pat Conroy.

[1846] He wrote The Lords of Discipline.

[1847] I've never heard of him or that book.

[1848] What's it about?

[1849] West Point.

[1850] Mm. But it's a fictional story based on boys at West Point.

[1851] It's so good.

[1852] And Malcolm Gladwell.

[1853] Oh, yes, yes.

[1854] Do you think he just put that on there in hopes that many people would say Proust?

[1855] Oh, actually, Proust is my favorite.

[1856] Okay, good, good, good.

[1857] Who is your hero of fiction?

[1858] That's good.

[1859] That is really good.

[1860] I'd probably say Howard Rourke, but I don't know.

[1861] It's been many years since I read that book.

[1862] So I might not feel that way now.

[1863] but the lead character of Fountainhead.

[1864] Okay.

[1865] Yeah, about for you.

[1866] Dumbledore.

[1867] Oh, perfect.

[1868] He's a beautiful man. And he's not a man. He's a wizard.

[1869] On top of everything else.

[1870] Which historical figure do you most identify with?

[1871] None.

[1872] Really?

[1873] Yeah.

[1874] How about you?

[1875] Probably Mother Teresa, because I'm so giving.

[1876] That makes sense, yeah.

[1877] I've thought that about you a lot.

[1878] In fact, I never describe you as show.

[1879] short, but I'll always go, you know, Monica, she's like Mother Teresa.

[1880] Who are your heroes in real life?

[1881] That's also similar to something earlier.

[1882] We can skip.

[1883] Yeah.

[1884] Oh, what are your favorite names?

[1885] Justin.

[1886] Justin is your favorite name?

[1887] Oh, my God.

[1888] Are you being serious?

[1889] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1890] Oh, wow, I never knew that.

[1891] I thought I've brought it up on here.

[1892] I've never met a Justin that wasn't super cool.

[1893] Oh, yeah.

[1894] How about you?

[1895] I like the name James for a girl.

[1896] Oh.

[1897] So dibs.

[1898] Okay.

[1899] I'm going to skip what is it that you most dislike because, again, I think we did that with hypocrisy and those things.

[1900] Yeah.

[1901] What is your greatest regret?

[1902] Probably not being kinder to my father.

[1903] I think mine is the same but for my brother.

[1904] Uh -huh.

[1905] Uh -huh.

[1906] Yeah.

[1907] It could have been.

[1908] And still could be.

[1909] Yeah, yeah.

[1910] As I could still be, yeah.

[1911] How would you like to die?

[1912] If I could somehow drown while on fire.

[1913] No. Oh, my God.

[1914] Oh, my God.

[1915] I'm teasing.

[1916] In my sleep.

[1917] I hate to be generic.

[1918] Yeah, same.

[1919] Yeah, yeah.

[1920] Old as fuck.

[1921] Yeah, really old.

[1922] Take a nap and then just never wake up.

[1923] Yeah, same.

[1924] Okay, what is your motto?

[1925] So last question.

[1926] Do you have one?

[1927] Yeah, keep your eyes on your own paper.

[1928] Oh, really?

[1929] Yeah.

[1930] Is this too long?

[1931] I'd like to compare yourself to previous versions of yourself.

[1932] That's good.

[1933] That's not too long.

[1934] Why would that be too long?

[1935] I don't know.

[1936] Because if I really lengthen it out, it would be like, don't compare yourself to other people, compare yourself to previous versions of yourself.

[1937] No, you only compare yourself to previous versions of yourself.

[1938] That's eight words.

[1939] keep your eyes on your own paper seven same okay same same same well that is the proust questionnaire and we did it wow and i wonder what the normal time frame for that is i don't know i mean i think it's like a dinner table thing oh and that's all because we really didn't have many for jason bateman okay great bateman we're sorry he just didn't have facts that's not a bad thing no no it's not well that was really fun let's do the Pivo one next, okay?

[1940] Okay.

[1941] All right.

[1942] Okay, bye.

[1943] Bye.

[1944] Bye.

[1945] Love you.

[1946] Love you.

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