#1025 - Greg Fitzsimmons

[0] Is it working?

[1] Is it live?

[2] It says it's live.

[3] Gregory, we're live.

[4] This is it.

[5] This is it.

[6] Yep.

[7] There's definitely more of an echo in this room.

[8] We're going to have to do some tweaking, ladies and gentlemen.

[9] This is episode number one in the new spot.

[10] Uh -oh.

[11] Jamie's fucking up already.

[12] There's extra mics on?

[13] I had all the mics on.

[14] Oh, the back mics?

[15] Those are off now.

[16] Oh.

[17] That sounds better.

[18] Yeah, it changed everything.

[19] Yeah.

[20] You're a wizard.

[21] How'd you notice?

[22] You could feel it.

[23] He could sense it in the room.

[24] He should be behind a curtain like the Wizard of Oz.

[25] Yeah.

[26] What color was the Wizard of Oz's curtain?

[27] It was green, right?

[28] Yeah, green.

[29] Wasn't it?

[30] Emerald City, right?

[31] Yeah, right.

[32] Right.

[33] Emerald City.

[34] Gregory, welcome.

[35] I feel so happy to be here on the first episode.

[36] Dude, I'm honored.

[37] I'm honored that you're number one.

[38] Yeah.

[39] Seems perfect.

[40] Yeah, this is perfect.

[41] Fuck.

[42] It's crazy, right?

[43] he just gave me a tour of this place and it's like I saw the first half and was like what the fuck's he going to do with all this space the back half is bigger than the first half well it's going to be a gym yeah an actual full gym I don't like going places do it all right here got your tank your sauna there's a 47 yard indoor archery range in here yeah yeah that's going to be badass yeah it's why not fuck it But the big thing is to set up the studio.

[44] And to have it as close to the old one as possible.

[45] I mean, basically we built it.

[46] Sort of the only difference is the sky, thanks to octolites, now we have clouds in the sky instead of stars.

[47] We decided to mix it up a little bit.

[48] Change the curtain collar.

[49] I love that it feels the same as the other one, though.

[50] Pretty fucking similar.

[51] I mean, the dimensions are they exact?

[52] Very close.

[53] Very close.

[54] And this is a standalone.

[55] I mean, this was built.

[56] so it was built to the same size I mean this was this did not exist so this is all like constructed basically we just I had all these ideas like well I'll do it this way and I'll do it this way and I'll make a table that's different and then and then as time went on and I started doing the planning and everything I said do you know what I don't I don't think I want to change much at all like this table first of all is giant like I love this table and it's got all this weird history to it just got a little bend to it Yeah, well, when we got it, the wood hadn't been kiln -dry, kiln -dried, yeah.

[57] Yeah.

[58] So when wood and wood sits out or it goes anywhere, it gets damp, and then when it dries out, it starts to warp a little bit, change, and shift.

[59] So it's got a little warp to it.

[60] Yeah.

[61] I like it.

[62] This desk got history.

[63] It's got history, and the red brick wall looks exactly the same.

[64] Yeah, pretty close.

[65] Pretty close.

[66] We're rolling.

[67] Jamie's over there in his spot It's pretty close I mean it's like It doesn't I have to remind myself That we're in a new spot That's perfect Yeah I mean After we do a few episodes here We'll be like Oh This is the spot After a fight companion Yeah yeah Especially once the boozen starts again Once the booze in the weed starts again In November How hard has that been for you Easy?

[68] Super easy Like as he The other day we went to Mexican food And I wanted a margarita And I went Damn I can't have a margarita Yeah.

[69] That's it.

[70] That's literally my only craving.

[71] People talk to you about like, because the initial thing wasn't quitting weed, right?

[72] The initial thing was just getting Burt Kreischer to not die.

[73] So like our idea was like, let's see if we can get him to go sober for a month.

[74] And he was like, I can run a marathon.

[75] I'm like, stop.

[76] Fuck this.

[77] You're not going to run a marathon.

[78] Well, like, listen, how about instead of you running a marathon, we just have you do 15 hot yoga classes?

[79] And they're like, oh, that would be easy.

[80] I'm like, you guys, I haven't even done one.

[81] Yeah.

[82] You don't know if it's easy.

[83] So now they're slogging away through like, I think they're all at like number six or seven right now.

[84] Do we have video of Bert in a hot yoga class?

[85] No video.

[86] No, but they take videos after him and Tom get out and they're both, you know, beat red and it's covered in sweat.

[87] It's pretty obvious they went through it.

[88] Toul is just drenched.

[89] Yeah.

[90] But Byrd is done amazing.

[91] First of all, his blood pressure has dropped radically.

[92] He was actually on high blood pressure medication.

[93] Yeah.

[94] And after this, after.

[95] stopping drinking just immediately his blood pressure dropped like radically yeah so like he doesn't even need blood pressure medication if he doesn't drink that's amazing it's the only thing that's doing him in is the booze right so and then but people would come up to me about the weed so the weed wasn't in the original bet the original bet was just no booze yeah which i thought would be pretty easy and then they're like all right we're going to go no no weed too and i was like no weed fuck you like i'm just doing this for burnt like i don't want to stop and then i they were giving me a hard time about it they started this hashtag pray for Joe campaign because I was addicted to pot.

[96] So I initially thought I'll just get off weed and not tell them until the end and go, it was fucking easy, you pussies.

[97] Yeah.

[98] But then Ari was making such a big deal out of it.

[99] I had to say, actually, dude, I'm not smoking pot either.

[100] Just to let the cat out of the bag.

[101] Tom'sigur already knew.

[102] But people would come up to you like you're not eating for a month.

[103] Like, you're okay?

[104] Yeah, right.

[105] Right.

[106] How do you feel?

[107] Yeah.

[108] Are you off heroin for good?

[109] But it's such a part of, I don't know for you, it never seemed like an addiction.

[110] Drugs to, for my vision of you doing drugs is it's always mind expanding and it's always just to relax.

[111] It's never like an addiction.

[112] It never felt like you needed to.

[113] I definitely don't need it, obviously.

[114] I've had some great sets too, which has been very interesting because I usually like to go on stage high.

[115] I haven't done that at all though.

[116] No pot for 17 days.

[117] Is that what today is?

[118] What's today?

[119] The 17th?

[120] So no pot for 17 days.

[121] Where do you miss it the most before going on?

[122] No. I haven't missed it.

[123] Wow.

[124] It's been weird.

[125] You know, I was like, maybe there's going to be a moment.

[126] We're like, wow, I'd like to have some weird.

[127] I'm a little nervous about smoking again.

[128] Yeah.

[129] Because I know I'm going to get so high that I'm going to be so paranoid.

[130] And all these demons are going to come creeping up into my consciousness again.

[131] All paranoid psychic demons, they're just going to come floating by.

[132] It's like that first orgasm after you get your prostate removed.

[133] Yeah, man. For real, you know, like once you're back, you know, it's just, it just seems like, it seems like it's going to hit you way, way, way harder.

[134] That's what everybody says.

[135] Yeah.

[136] You take a month off and then you get back on the pot.

[137] Then you know why everybody freaks out when you get them high, you know, because we're so used to getting high that when we get high, it's no big deal.

[138] Yeah.

[139] But when people don't get high and they're like, oh, I'll smoke a little weed with you.

[140] But they haven't smoked pot, maybe like six months or something like that.

[141] Yeah.

[142] Those people are fucked.

[143] Right.

[144] They're in a bad place.

[145] Yeah, I got a nice, easy rhythm going.

[146] I got the little vapeen, and when I'm on the road, you know, Thursday, Friday night, a couple hits.

[147] That's pretty much it.

[148] And you never do it before shows, right?

[149] Never, never, ever.

[150] And you took a long time.

[151] Like, when I first met you, way back in the day, when we first started out, you would just quit booze.

[152] Right.

[153] Like, just quit.

[154] And you weren't doing nothing.

[155] No pot, no booze, no nothing.

[156] What was it that made you realize I could smoke a little weed?

[157] It was New Year's Eve of 2004.

[158] So I had not smoked pot for 14 years or drank or anything.

[159] And then I'm standing outside of the improv in San Francisco and I'm with, I won't mention the manager's name, but a manager who smokes a lot of pot that we all know and love.

[160] And the entire cast of the marijuana logs is Doug Benson, Tony Kameen, and Brian Posein.

[161] And they're all there.

[162] It's just like a weird thing where, you know, I don't know if you've ever done New Year's Eve in San Francisco, but there's like three different venues that all do comedy.

[163] You know, there's Cobbs, there's the punchline, and then there's a big theater, the Palais, the Palace of Fine Arts, or whatever.

[164] And then there's an after party at the punchline.

[165] And it's the greatest after party.

[166] Because usually you go.

[167] on the road and after your show you're just kind of alone, maybe you got your opener or whatever and you hang out.

[168] But this is always like, you know, every comic in San Francisco comes together and I'm staying out front and they're standing there with a joint and they handed it to me and I just, I felt like this is the moment I'm supposed to smoke pot again.

[169] And I did and then the weirdestest fucking thing happened is I went down to help Molly.

[170] You know, she had a van coming from the palace and she had a box of booze that had been the backstage bar and she's carrying a bottle of vodka and she's walking towards the steps and this group we were talking about san francisco homeless people before group of like you know they're like 21 and they're like street urchins yeah they're like you know it's almost like yeah the warriors come out it's like that type of person and they grab the bottle of booze out of mollie's hand and i'm standing there with todd barry Paul F. Tompkins and like I think Greg Proops there's like two guys in suits and so they grabbed this bottle from Molly and she chases after them I'm like what the fuck are you doing that's not your booze it's the club's booze and she runs right in the middle of them and they she grabs the bottle and she's fighting with this woman over it and these guys are surrounding her and I run in and I grab her and start pulling her out but at the same time guys fist cocked waiting to take a shot at me and I'm yelling to these guys hey how about a little help here and nothing and so I kind of pull her out of there and we half run away and then as we're walking up the stairs they threw a blockbuster an M80 oh Jesus and it landed right near us and it blew out oh and um there was a lesbian for people don't know what that means is a firecracker like a super big it's an eighth of a stick of dynamite is it really that Yeah, that's what an M -A -80 is.

[171] Jesus Christ, I didn't know it was that powerful.

[172] Yeah, I mean, you feel it in your chest.

[173] And blew out Molly's hearing for, like, a year.

[174] And people were crying.

[175] It was, like, really traumatic.

[176] And I'm high.

[177] I'm like, this is the fucking war.

[178] After 14 years, I was just like, fuck, this is nuts.

[179] I was walking the girl back to the hotel because she was sobbing.

[180] I wasn't TIG.

[181] It was a lesbian comedian who had a girl.

[182] girlfriend with her and uh yeah it was fucking crazy whoa yeah yeah we were talking about how San Francisco is just a little bit too lenient with their homeless population yeah they're just a little silly with it and we were talking about how they have it mapped out where people shit in the streets now so you could avoid human shit yeah it's either a website or an app I'm not sure which one it is but they they're basically keeping up to date human poo stats how do they know it's human versus dog probably smells worse people are gross maybe there's a little toilet paper next to my dog's shit all over the house last night uh my dogs i have uh a young dog and two old dogs right and my big old dog is a mastiff and he's super cool with every dog any dog comes over hey how you doing yeah he's super friendly but my little dog is kind of a twat so i'm going out the lights what they're just dim oh they're turning off oh they're turning off Oh, scary.

[183] What kind of dog is the little dog?

[184] What is that, Jamie?

[185] The motion sensor.

[186] Oh, so things, we're not here.

[187] Oh, well, how do we fix that?

[188] That's dumb.

[189] Okay.

[190] Anyway, the little dog is a...

[191] He's not that little.

[192] He's a medium -sized dog, I guess.

[193] He's a Shibu Inu English Bulldog mix, right?

[194] Nice.

[195] And he has an issue with any dog.

[196] He's a little cunt.

[197] Like, any dog is like, and the puppy is 11 months old to have a golden retriever he's the sweetest dog in the world he's the best but he can't go near the bulldog the bulldog bit him in his face when he was a puppy no shit really heard him like put a big cut in his nose and I'd take him to the vet it was so two of the dogs sleep in this one little contained area but they opened up the door and wandered around the house and just took a shit in the middle of the living room pissed on the wall and they did all this because the other dog is in the house.

[198] The other dog is in there like, well, if he's in here, we're just going to shit all over the place and mark this place up.

[199] They had never done that before.

[200] So it was really interesting.

[201] Like dog psychology.

[202] Like they were pissed that the other dog gets to be in better spots than them.

[203] So they just decided to shit in the living room.

[204] Wow.

[205] That's a statement.

[206] Shit.

[207] They made their statement.

[208] You know, it's funny because the big one, I could have him with the new dog, no problem.

[209] He loves him.

[210] They play together.

[211] He has a great time, but I just don't trust that other one.

[212] So what are you going to do?

[213] Shoot the other one in the head.

[214] Hunting accident?

[215] Just keep him separated.

[216] I mean, I can have them around together when I'm there.

[217] He's a cool old dog.

[218] He likes people.

[219] He loves people.

[220] People come over.

[221] He loves you.

[222] He's a very sweet dog.

[223] He just doesn't.

[224] It's apparently an English.

[225] bulldog trait they just do not like other dogs yeah they just don't they want all the love dogs and they and they have a lot of health issues they fucking wheeze he's had two um surgeries on his knees both his front knees are fucked up yeah he's just got like they just it's a terrible thing what they've done designing them like that taking them and putting them into this shape that's really not supposed to exist shortening their nose yeah it's like it's really fucked up yeah what they've done Yeah, that breed may need to be put down.

[226] Well, it's weird.

[227] Like, why?

[228] Why did anybody decide to have a dog that has a flat face that can't breathe?

[229] They can't walk very good.

[230] They're always in pain, so they just want to lie down.

[231] Like, those dogs, they're not ball chasers.

[232] Right.

[233] You throw a ball to an English bulldog.

[234] He's like, fuck off, man, I'm not running after that thing.

[235] Everything hurts.

[236] They just waddle everywhere.

[237] Yeah.

[238] You know?

[239] It's weird because the original bulldog.

[240] was a dog that they literally used to use for what they call bull baiting what bull baiting is they would tie a bull down and so it couldn't go anywhere and then they would sick the dogs on the bull that's what a bull dog is yeah yeah it's like sport what was the point of that I don't know just to fuck with the bull I'd have to look into it no I think it was like a betting thing oh you know it's like a blood sport thing yeah that's that's originally what a bull dog looked like.

[241] Do you know what American Bulldog looks like?

[242] No. American Bulldog is like sort of pit bull -esque, but larger.

[243] Like much larger.

[244] American Bulldog has like got kind of a pit bull -like face, sort of a flat nose, but nothing like an English bulldog.

[245] They're really smart dogs.

[246] They're very good dogs.

[247] Like a buddy might have one, and it was a great dog.

[248] They're tanks.

[249] They're like this big, jacked -up but a totally functional dog.

[250] They run.

[251] They use use them for protection.

[252] They're, you know, they're, they're just really good dogs.

[253] And the English version of them is like, what that dog is, is like, I might be fucking this up.

[254] But I think they took the, that dog and somehow another bred it down to this really gross, cute, fat, flat nose, shitty breathing English bulldog.

[255] Did they want it to look like the royal family?

[256] Blah!

[257] Yeah, they had them fuck only their sisters.

[258] Only fuck your sister.

[259] Only fuck your sister.

[260] And then they took those puppies.

[261] No, no, no, you can't fuck.

[262] Fuck your sister.

[263] Okay.

[264] And then your babies, fuck each other.

[265] Your babies fuck each other.

[266] Yeah.

[267] Oh, you look fine.

[268] It was Irish.

[269] Just, I don't know, man. Just, it's weird that they all came from wolves.

[270] You know, a wolf could fuck an English bulldog and get it pregnant.

[271] That's what's incredible.

[272] It's like the genetics are the same.

[273] And they didn't know this until like, I want to say less than a decade ago.

[274] Yeah.

[275] They used to think that all wolves.

[276] were like wolves and then dogs were like a combination of a bunch of different things wild canids like jackals and coyotes and all these different things and that we had somehow or another bred them down because there's no real record of how anybody ever did that and if you go back to the history of domesticated dogs it spans over 10 ,000 years predates human history we really don't know how the fuck anybody made a chihuahua we just know that there's chihuahuas right I know that the first domesticated dog were the ones that basically were you know docile that could come near the fire yes and so the ones that were friendlier and nicer kept and they killed the other ones I put up a picture on Instagram yesterday I reposted something somebody sent me with this fucking lady found a young coyote and she thought it was a dog and she washed it and they put it up on Facebook and she's like it's kind of aggressive but now it's sleeping and And it's like a little coyote, and this lady's washing a fucking coyote in the tub.

[277] And are people just writing, lady, get it out of the house.

[278] It's kind of hilarious.

[279] She gets her period, and it just fucking lunges at her.

[280] It attacks her.

[281] There it is.

[282] Look at that.

[283] Lost dog found in Chamberlain Road.

[284] No collar.

[285] Seems a bit aggressive.

[286] Also, it doesn't like bass, but she was pretty dirty.

[287] Took most of the night, but she's resting comfy now on the bed.

[288] Look at that thing.

[289] That is a fucking coyote.

[290] Obviously, and it's obviously a little one too.

[291] Yeah.

[292] It's probably a young one, like a yearling or something.

[293] Yeah, you can't domesticate a coyote.

[294] But you can in a weird way.

[295] I know a guy who, well, I don't know him, but I follow his Instagram account.

[296] I forget his name.

[297] Shit.

[298] But anyway, oddly enough, this guy has dogs that he uses to hunt coyotes with, which is really crazy.

[299] Hunt to kill?

[300] Hunt to kill.

[301] and he found coyote puppies in a den.

[302] And so they found these coyote puppies in the den, and he felt bad that these little coyote puppies.

[303] Like, I don't know what happened to the mother.

[304] So they raised one.

[305] So he took a coyote puppy in, and now it lives with him.

[306] Wow.

[307] Yeah, and it gets along.

[308] Like, the only problem is when they feed it.

[309] Is that him?

[310] Might be.

[311] Could be.

[312] Yeah.

[313] Looks like a German Shepherd.

[314] Yeah.

[315] I mean, but he's had it since it was a baby.

[316] The dog, I think that is that, I don't know if that's him.

[317] But this guy has all this video of it on his site of him with this coyote puppy, with his other dogs, and they're all barking together and shit.

[318] And he said the only problem, they get along great until it's time to eat.

[319] And when it's time to eat, the coyote's like, fuck off.

[320] Everybody, fuck off.

[321] Right.

[322] It's just, it's like full feral as soon as it's time to eat.

[323] But he's had the thing since, I think he said it was like a couple months old when he got it, like just freshly weaned.

[324] That's amazing.

[325] Yeah, you can raise them.

[326] But they're wolves.

[327] Coyotes are wolves.

[328] My friends have a dingo.

[329] What?

[330] Yeah.

[331] Did it eat the baby?

[332] Dingo ate the baby!

[333] A dingo ate my baby.

[334] And this thing is the same way.

[335] If you got some food on the counter and it's four feet off the ground, that fucking thing, you leave the room for one second.

[336] That food is gone.

[337] Yeah.

[338] They're just feral.

[339] Yeah.

[340] It was funny, like, my puppy was like that when he was little.

[341] It's like I was, I mean, that's how puppies are.

[342] But I forgot, because I haven't had a puppy in a while.

[343] And I was eating.

[344] And I put some food on his plate.

[345] And he saw it.

[346] He was like, oh, I want some of that.

[347] He jumped up, put his feet on the table, leaned in and tried to bite it and got a piece of meat in his mouth.

[348] And I was like, hey, fucker.

[349] And I'm like, oh, I got to teach him this.

[350] Yeah.

[351] Because they don't know.

[352] They feel like, well, the food's right there.

[353] Time to get the food.

[354] Yeah.

[355] There's the food.

[356] I see it.

[357] There it is.

[358] It's right there.

[359] Yeah, our neighbors were having people over there.

[360] They were having a party, and I was over there, and they had a husky, a fucking badass Alaskan husky.

[361] And this thing was, you know, beyond puppy.

[362] It was big.

[363] And they had meatballs, Swedish meatballs, like four platters of them, right out of the oven.

[364] It's still fucking hot.

[365] And they left the room, and they came back, and they were gone.

[366] He ate all of them?

[367] All the Swedish meatballs.

[368] Hot.

[369] He didn't give a fuck.

[370] Yeah, he's like, he's my chance.

[371] Have a full belly or have a, you know.

[372] You know, or burn your tongue and have a full belly or not.

[373] No food.

[374] And this is an Irish party.

[375] This wasn't like there's Swedish meatballs and there's a sausage.

[376] No, Irish is one fucking thing.

[377] And now it's gone.

[378] The Swedish meatballs are good.

[379] The dog ate all the food.

[380] Yeah.

[381] It's a weird relationship that humans have with dogs.

[382] Because, you know, a lot of people have dogs to sleep in their beds.

[383] They come with your places.

[384] They hop in the car.

[385] And then there's the assholes that have those emotional support dogs.

[386] yeah what is what's the jury out on that still it's a fucking ridiculous part of modern 21st century life yeah that we allow that stupid shit I was in a fucking restaurant like a really nice restaurant this lady came in and she's a lady from the real housewives she was one of those uh what's no not the show desperate housewives she's a famous actress yeah I want to say her name very pretty lady no yeah she hit the skids though um but anyway she brings in this fucking dog and people are looking at her like what it's a dog like a golden lab like a big dog yeah and she brings this dog in and she's sitting there eating and there's dogs on the floor where like you might drop a fry or your fork and pick it up and wipe it off and this dog's assholes just rubbing on the ground right there I mean basically you have this this animal's dick is like rubbing on the ground and rubbing on things and dirt on its feet it's probably stepping in shit And people have allergies to dogs.

[387] 100%.

[388] Now you fucked up their night.

[389] 100%.

[390] Yeah.

[391] And it's somehow or another, they can get a note from their doctor that says they're too fucking weak to exist without this dog with them 24 hours a day.

[392] Yeah.

[393] It's an emotional support dog.

[394] This is a lot of comics that have them.

[395] Yeah, but it's like a loophole.

[396] Like Natasha has one, but she like openly admits it's a loophole.

[397] So she can bring the dog everywhere.

[398] She got a doctor's note.

[399] Yeah.

[400] It says she's soft.

[401] Yeah.

[402] I think is, what's her name's has to be?

[403] Eliza's must be.

[404] Does she have it set up?

[405] Yeah, I'm sure.

[406] That thing doesn't leave her side.

[407] Yeah.

[408] She'll make you watch it though when she goes on stage.

[409] Here, hold this great.

[410] Yeah, right, right.

[411] You're like, what?

[412] Yeah, I know.

[413] And then people finger it.

[414] I love, I don't.

[415] Not me. No, a lot of people do.

[416] I swear here.

[417] I heard the dog waits for her to go out and then just takes its ass in the air and just running at you.

[418] It presents.

[419] Yeah, it presents.

[420] It just literally runs backwards.

[421] She's going to hear this to be so mad.

[422] We're kidding, Eliza.

[423] We're kidding.

[424] Don't call her Eliza either.

[425] She'd get mad at that, too.

[426] Eliza.

[427] Eliza.

[428] You know, she doesn't use the last name anymore?

[429] Well, neither does.

[430] Well, Christina is Christina P. now.

[431] Really?

[432] Sebastian Manascolco is just Sebastian now.

[433] A lot of white people getting crazy lately.

[434] Tig Natara is just Tig.

[435] Is that cultural appropriation to use a white person?

[436] Do you use only one name?

[437] I always forget.

[438] What's cultural appropriation?

[439] We need to constantly be reminded.

[440] I tweeted something today.

[441] I was reading a fucking article, and I almost punched my screen.

[442] They're saying that hoop earrings are cultural appropriation.

[443] Girls aren't allowed to wear hoop earrings.

[444] Really?

[445] Cultural appropriation.

[446] Damn.

[447] Can you how fucking privileged do you have to be?

[448] Like, how soft, look at it.

[449] Hoop earrings criticizes cultural appropriation.

[450] Do you know how soft you have to be to give into that?

[451] To give into that?

[452] and how fucking dumb you have to be to say that.

[453] Yeah.

[454] You have to be so dumb.

[455] It's almost racist.

[456] I think it's the opposite.

[457] It's racist.

[458] It's racist against white people.

[459] No, it's racist against black people.

[460] They're jungle people that only wear giant fucking hoops in their ears?

[461] What I read was Latinas.

[462] Latinos are criticizing it and saying it's a part of their culture.

[463] Oh, it's their culture.

[464] Yeah.

[465] It's like people are just picking terms.

[466] No, black people don't want girls to wear braids.

[467] Oh.

[468] Cornrows.

[469] Can't wear cornrows.

[470] Yeah, you can wear like regular white people braids.

[471] But little skinny braids, that's cultural appropriation.

[472] What about Goldilocks?

[473] She was white.

[474] What about golf shirts?

[475] Are they allowed to wear golf shirts?

[476] Right.

[477] They shouldn't be.

[478] If they're going to get crazy with these braids, it's not weed.

[479] Green pants.

[480] Here's the problem is all this wee bullshit.

[481] The entire country is a melting pot of cultural appropriation.

[482] You dumb cunts!

[483] That is the whole idea of having a...

[484] civilization, as that you get to share each other's food, share each other's recipes, listen to each other's music, listen to each other's jokes and stories, buy each other's clothes.

[485] You know, there was this journalist that went to Japan, and they were talking about cultural appropriation, whether or not they thought that, like, white girls like Katie Perry wearing the Geisha outfit was cultural appropriation.

[486] And they were, like, universally saying, no, we're happy that people love Japanese culture and that they do that they're happy yeah but over here you get these fucking dummies that are just looking to complain and criticize and just call out everything and everybody about everything yeah it's uh oh my god i i i see this what is this no Jeremy Lynn yeah so yeah came out with a uh in the preseason I think he had dreadlocks in his hair and a former NBA player called him out on it Kenyon Martin but Jeremy Lynn's response to it was actually really good if you want to check that out.

[487] Hey man, it's all good.

[488] You don't have to like my hair and definitely entitled to your opinion.

[489] Actually, I legit grateful you sharing it, TBH, to be honest.

[490] At the end of the day, I appreciate that I have dreads and you have Chinese tattoos.

[491] There you go.

[492] Because I think it's a side of respect.

[493] And I think as minorities, the more we appreciate each other's cultures, the more we influence mainstream society.

[494] Thanks for everything you did for the Nets and Hoops.

[495] Had your poster up on my wall growing up.

[496] Oh, shit.

[497] That's what you said right here.

[498] That's really classy.

[499] Somebody really need to tell him like, all right, bro, we get it.

[500] You want to be black.

[501] Like, we get it.

[502] But the last name is Lynn.

[503] All right.

[504] Well, he's a fucking...

[505] Wait, who said that?

[506] The other guy.

[507] Who is the other guy?

[508] Kenyon Martin.

[509] Usually there was a picture of his Chinese...

[510] But it's been removed.

[511] Well, he's a dummy.

[512] And that Jeremy Lynn guy is a very classy character for the way he answered it.

[513] First of all, dreads are not black.

[514] They were a sign of people not washing their hair.

[515] that dates back to the Greeks and the Romans.

[516] There's ancient sculptures of Caucasian -looking people with dreadlocks.

[517] Dreadlocks were worn by the Vikings.

[518] It is not a black thing because some black people wear them does not mean it's a...

[519] I mean, the idea that this is a real thing, this cultural appropriation, that people go around pointing at people saying you can't wear your hair a certain way.

[520] Like we're limiting hairstyles.

[521] And it's just so many people are just looking forward to criticizing and getting shitty with people over almost nothing.

[522] It's just...

[523] No, the whole energy of this country is supposed to be complete assimilation.

[524] Like you said, let's pick the best shit from each culture and make it just American hodgepodge.

[525] And that's what it's about with gentrification.

[526] You know, you want people to not all live in one neighborhood and all dress exactly the same as each other.

[527] You want there to be emerging of different looks, different addresses, working in different trades.

[528] You know, they used to be, if you were Irish, you were a cop.

[529] That's it.

[530] That's what we fucking did.

[531] You know, we were cops or we were soldiers.

[532] When we first came over here in like the 1860s during the famine, they just, we got off the boat hungry and they threw a fucking uniform on us and sent us in to fight front lines against the South.

[533] Or you were a cop.

[534] And then after that, they got into the trades.

[535] There's a lot of Irish people in unions.

[536] Right.

[537] You know, a lot of Irish in the Longshoremen's Union.

[538] A lot of Irish in the, you know, the Carpenters Union.

[539] Yeah.

[540] But look, fusion restaurants.

[541] What's a fusion restaurant?

[542] You take a couple different cultures.

[543] You combine their food into some sort of a unique thing.

[544] And it was a big thing for a while.

[545] People loved fusion.

[546] Yeah.

[547] They love that kind of food.

[548] And now there's a ton of people complaining when white people cook Mexican food.

[549] Yeah.

[550] Like there's this famous guy.

[551] I forget his name.

[552] Can't be that famous.

[553] I guess he's not that famous if I forget his name.

[554] But he's a famous white guy who loves Mexican food.

[555] food.

[556] And he opened up a Mexican restaurant and all these people got pissed that this guy is cooking Mexican food.

[557] But this guy's been writing books about Mexican cuisine.

[558] He goes down to Mexico.

[559] He learns how to cook authentic Mexican dishes from people that live in these villages and towns in Mexico and like has a deep love and appreciation for the culture of Mexico.

[560] Yeah.

[561] I mean, this guy is essentially a Mexican cuisine scholar.

[562] and all these people give this fucking poor guy, that's his name, what is his name?

[563] Rick Bayliss.

[564] Rick Bayliss.

[565] And he's famous.

[566] I mean, I've read one of his books on Mexican food.

[567] And I've seen articles written on him and video interviews and stuff.

[568] And this guy is getting in trouble with other people.

[569] When chefs become famous cooking other cultures food.

[570] You don't own your culture, you fucking idiot.

[571] You know why?

[572] Because you didn't create it.

[573] You didn't invent pizza.

[574] You didn't invent pasta.

[575] You didn't invent Chinese food.

[576] It's been around for hundreds of fucking years.

[577] You were just born.

[578] You were born with a certain ethnicity.

[579] You don't own that ethnicity.

[580] The idea that you can keep other people from enjoying it and appreciating the history of other human beings is fucking racist.

[581] And it's stupid.

[582] This thing that we're getting into where we're criticizing people, you know, based on various aspects of, you know, culture.

[583] that they enjoy.

[584] It's insanity.

[585] It's insanity.

[586] I know.

[587] Think about how Italians have affected, like, fashion in this country.

[588] Sure.

[589] I mean, from high fashion, all the way down to, like, the disco era.

[590] How about rap music?

[591] Right.

[592] They were all calling themselves Gotti and they were all called Al Capone.

[593] Yeah.

[594] I mean, come on, man. I mean, how many fucking rap songs, like, have Godfather lyrics in them?

[595] It's just cut the shit.

[596] It's so stupid.

[597] It's so stupid.

[598] And that's my culture.

[599] I'll tell you you can have it.

[600] That's why I love one of the seminal moments in American culture was Aerosmith getting together with DMC and doing walk this way.

[601] That's what America's supposed to be.

[602] Yeah, it's just, it's kids today looking to point the finger, the world they see, and looking to find fault in it and find fault in each other.

[603] And it's this call -out culture that we see.

[604] There's plenty of shit that's wrong.

[605] in the world there's plenty of shit and I guess this is just a byproduct of people having the freedom to communicate I mean I guess that's what we're seeing but there's there's plenty of shit to really pay attention to Jeremy Lynn wearing dreadlocks isn't on that list you know girls that wear hoop earrings they're not on that list it's just fucking white kids that wear baggy pants so what so what who gives a shit yeah to me that's a sign that they're like accepting black culture that they want to intermixed they want to hang out together and share each other's fashions and ideas and drugs and women well the white people especially like from the suburbs have always looked towards black people that grew up in difficult circumstances and admired something about how tough they were or how how you know street smart or how cool cool they were They were people that, look, it takes pressure to make a diamond.

[606] You don't make a diamond in Sherman Oaks.

[607] You know?

[608] Yeah.

[609] Oh, we went to the gallery.

[610] It was crazy.

[611] Went to the food court.

[612] We're radical.

[613] Yeah.

[614] That's not, you know, those people that live in these, like, safe suburban neighborhoods, the one thing that the troubled kids coming up want to be, they want to be associated in some way with something tougher, something harder, something where, you know, people had to earn their stripes.

[615] That's why they have this love of rap music, especially gangster rap.

[616] You mean, that has always been, that's always been an issue with young white kids.

[617] Like, since gangster rap was invented, there's always been, like, young white kids who live in the suburbs, who, I mean, it's always comical, watching them sing the lyrics, talking about robbing people and shooting people and dealing drugs.

[618] And, you know, meanwhile, they're living in 1 ,000.

[619] smokes or something.

[620] Whose son was it?

[621] Was it like Tom Hanks' son?

[622] Yes, yes.

[623] He's the big rapper?

[624] Tom Hanks' son is a rapper and he gets so much shit.

[625] Yeah.

[626] I don't know if Tom Hanks has commented on it, but it's got to suck.

[627] Yeah, because he's got to support him.

[628] It's his son.

[629] But the kid is like...

[630] That's him?

[631] Oh, my God.

[632] Is this a limo life?

[633] Limbo life.

[634] It says that on his knuckles?

[635] Oh, good Lord.

[636] Oh, boy.

[637] Tom Hanks?

[638] He did it.

[639] He did everything right.

[640] What did he do wrong?

[641] Yeah, but he didn't do everything right.

[642] See, because he's working all the time.

[643] Yeah, he worked too much.

[644] Yeah, if you're working all the time, is that his son with the green hair and the neck tattoos in the lower right hand corner?

[645] Click on that.

[646] That's the green day guy, is it?

[647] I don't know.

[648] Is it?

[649] Tommy Hilfinger's son.

[650] Oh, so you son of a bitch.

[651] Tommy Hilfiger son has limo life.

[652] He's a rapper as well.

[653] Oh, terrific.

[654] All you need is a neck tattoo.

[655] Yeah.

[656] And he's Smoking cigarettes.

[657] Yeah.

[658] No, it's true.

[659] That kind of working too much.

[660] Jamie's racist.

[661] All white people are the same to him.

[662] Yeah, what's up with you, man?

[663] Do we do me and Joe look the same to you?

[664] Tommy Hill figure, Tom Hanks, same thing.

[665] Right.

[666] Same thing, they're Jamie.

[667] He's not that.

[668] Oh, he's jacked.

[669] Oh, he's jacked.

[670] Damn, he's good -looking.

[671] He's probably getting all the pussy.

[672] Oh, Howard Stern had him.

[673] He's carrying two guns.

[674] Oh, no. He fused.

[675] with Howard Stern.

[676] What?

[677] He threatens him.

[678] Hold on.

[679] Go to that site.

[680] Visit, please.

[681] What is that about?

[682] What is this?

[683] Scroll down?

[684] We could read that?

[685] Tom, Tom Hanks' rapper son, feuds with Howard Stern, threatens violence.

[686] Oh, make that larger, please?

[687] Tom Hanks, rapper son Chester, aka Chet Hays.

[688] Oh, his name was Chet Hayes, took to Twitter to threaten radio shock jock Howard Stern this week.

[689] After Stern, question Hague's He is gangsta credentials.

[690] That's the son of a famous Hollywood celebrity.

[691] Oh, my God.

[692] He joked that Tom Hanks must be annoyed that his son pretends to be a hardened rapper while he grew up in a Tony, California suburb.

[693] I always like I love that word.

[694] Tony.

[695] I mean, people use it for posh.

[696] Where did he grow up?

[697] Beverly Hills, Stern joked.

[698] That's, what a fucking douche.

[699] So what did he say?

[700] What did he say?

[701] Hayes unleashed a torrent of tweets, threatening violence, a fucking jerry -curled cunt.

[702] What is he saying?

[703] Oh.

[704] He said, Howard Stern, give your sorry -ass white yuppie fans some entertainment.

[705] Oh, you can't say white yuppie fans when you're a white yuppie.

[706] Yeah.

[707] And invite me up there.

[708] I promise I won't physically whoop your ass.

[709] After Stern apparently stopped responding to Hayes, he took the threats up a notch.

[710] Howie, do you have any idea how badly I am going to assault you when I see you?

[711] You can't run for me forever, knock knees, Hayes then Knox Stern for not having much bread as his family?

[712] As much bread.

[713] Oh, it's his family.

[714] Despite the fact that according to Forbes, Stern is worth an estimated $95 million.

[715] 95.

[716] He gets $500 million every two years.

[717] It's something crazy like that, right?

[718] Howard Stern, it's a shame you don't hang the same circles as my family.

[719] Not enough bread for that.

[720] C .U. Z. If you did, I would have already seen you.

[721] Tomorrow, TMZ or Gawker will write an article about A, B -O -I -T, this rant, and all I've got to say is, keep riding my dick bitches.

[722] Aha.

[723] Wow.

[724] Imagine if that was your kid.

[725] Imagine if that was your kid, I would choke him unconscious.

[726] I would fucking take him down.

[727] I would take his back, and I would put him to sleep, and then I'd take pictures of my dick on his forehead.

[728] Yeah, yeah.

[729] How to outline it.

[730] That's intervention time.

[731] Son of a bitch.

[732] When you're threatening the greatest radio personality in the history of the known universe because he said you're a fucking goof.

[733] Yeah.

[734] And what do you do?

[735] You act like a fucking goof.

[736] God damn it.

[737] Maybe he is a badass.

[738] I will assault you so hard.

[739] But think about it.

[740] Why can't a rich guy be a badass?

[741] Maybe he is violent.

[742] Maybe he's a little fucking nuts.

[743] He likes guns.

[744] I've never heard his rap.

[745] Do we have any of his rap available?

[746] Well, there are, I'm sure, rich guys who grow up.

[747] rich who severely overcompensate because they feel like they live in this soft environment.

[748] So they fucking go to CrossFit every day and take jujitsu and become a hard ass.

[749] I don't think he's on that list.

[750] No. I don't think Tom Hanks was beating his ass at night.

[751] I just don't, I just think what he's doing is just trying to be hard and trying to respond to Howard Stern calling him out about that.

[752] It's just like, come on, kid.

[753] Like, was your dad not around?

[754] Can you call him and talk to him about it?

[755] He would say, what the fuck you're going to say?

[756] Yeah.

[757] Don't say that.

[758] How old is he?

[759] If he's under 23, I'll give him a pass.

[760] It's almost like Goddy's son.

[761] Remember Goddy's son was always trying to be a badass.

[762] Well, Goddy's son was a criminal.

[763] Though, I mean, he was in the family.

[764] He's in the family business.

[765] I guess it's different with the mafia.

[766] Well, he's not like Dr. Dre's kid.

[767] Yeah.

[768] You know what I'm saying?

[769] He's fucking Forrest Gump's kid.

[770] No disrespect, Tom Hanks.

[771] I'm a big fan.

[772] I love you in the Green Mile.

[773] He's a great, I mean, he's a great actor.

[774] He's the best actor.

[775] He's a great actor.

[776] And by all accounts, a lovely person.

[777] Yes.

[778] I don't know if he did his job or not.

[779] I mean, I'm just talking shit about him not being around, but I just got to assume that if you're doing that many movies.

[780] You're not around.

[781] It's hard to be.

[782] Doesn't he have a studio also?

[783] I don't know.

[784] I think he's got his hand in the studio as well.

[785] That's always amazing to me. It's like you're being handed, literally.

[786] If you're Tom Hanks, you're the first guy that gets.

[787] It's offered every script that's in your age range that comes along.

[788] What are you going to, what are you going to fucking produce also?

[789] What do you take on the headache of producing movies?

[790] Maybe enjoys it.

[791] But what about enjoying hanging out with your family a little bit?

[792] I got weirded out with him when you started doing those movies about like the fucking secret, biblical fucking code.

[793] A Da Vinci Code?

[794] Yeah, I was like, did you read these scripts?

[795] Yeah, that was bad.

[796] These are terrible movies.

[797] You goddamn Tom Hanks.

[798] It was a bad book.

[799] How's a bad book going to become a good movie?

[800] They were just so clunky.

[801] Yeah.

[802] I was like, this just seems to me like something someone does when they don't have anything else to do.

[803] And the guy who wrote the book, Dan something.

[804] Brown.

[805] Dan Brown.

[806] He, I think, had a hand in the movie.

[807] So he, whatever chance it had of upgrading was destroyed.

[808] Well, I don't think they wanted to upgrade.

[809] I think it's like, I mean, did they want to upgrade the fucking, what is the vampire movie that the girl's like?

[810] Where the Vampire's a lot of live in the day?

[811] Twilight.

[812] They're not trying to upgrade Twilight.

[813] Right?

[814] They wanted to give them what made it popular.

[815] Yeah.

[816] I think they kind of did.

[817] Are you a secret toilet fan?

[818] I've got a daughter.

[819] I've seen them.

[820] And they're fucking great.

[821] How dare you?

[822] They're really well done.

[823] Oh my God.

[824] Fitzsimmons.

[825] You're getting emotional.

[826] I can see the milk coming out of your nipples while you're sitting here.

[827] It's ridiculous.

[828] Dude, I just took her to see the Beach Boys last weekend.

[829] Oh, my God.

[830] The real Beach Boys?

[831] Well, it was Brian Wilson and it was...

[832] They're alive?

[833] Didn't one of them die recently?

[834] I think one of the brothers might have died.

[835] It was Al Jardine, who founded the Beach Boys with Brian Wilson.

[836] And then they had a couple other, then they had Al Jardine's son who couldn't hit the fucking notes now.

[837] His son is a badass singer.

[838] But it was just fucking great.

[839] They played the entire Pet Sounds album, song by song.

[840] Oh, wow.

[841] And then they played all the hits.

[842] And it was just, me and my daughter just had such a fucking blast because she has, she's 14, and she loves fucking, like, the.

[843] Mamas and the Pappas and the Alman brothers and Pearl Jam and she's got an amazing taste.

[844] And she's a surfer.

[845] She's been surfing for five years, like three days a week.

[846] Wow.

[847] The Beach Boys are her favorite.

[848] And Pet Sounds is her favorite album.

[849] So that was my birthday present.

[850] It was two tickets and I brought her.

[851] And she was singing every fucking word.

[852] And we were laughing.

[853] We had a contest about every time you see a Hawaiian shirt, you get to punch the other person in the arm.

[854] If you see a bald guy with a ponytail, that's.

[855] It's two punches, open -toed sandals with the Hawaiian shirt and the ponytail was three punches.

[856] So she must have beat the fuck out of you.

[857] She fucking nailed me because I got bad eyes.

[858] She was spotting these guys from 100 yards away, whaling on me. What a psychotic game.

[859] At a fucking Beach Boys concert, you can get beaten to death.

[860] Yeah, right.

[861] Kinnison had a bit about the Beach Boys in the fucking 80s.

[862] He had a bit about the Beach Boys phoning it in in the 80s.

[863] Oh, yeah.

[864] He goes, you can tell they're just looking at the beach boys.

[865] watch I wish they all could be California girl I'll tell you what though fucking gives you goosebumps when you hear it really because you well you realize he's not going to be doing this much longer right and you know I feel that way when I see the stones I want to see the stones I want to a great fucking show where did you see the stones I saw them in giant stadium and then I saw them at the staple center I heard Mick Jagger is very frugal that's a nice way putting it That's what I heard Yeah.

[866] Like, how could you be?

[867] Yeah.

[868] He's got to be worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

[869] He's still performing all over the world.

[870] All right.

[871] Just saving that cash.

[872] That's right.

[873] He's putting it away for a rainy day.

[874] Well, he's got a lot of kids, a lot of wives.

[875] That's right.

[876] He's got a bunch of baby mommas, right?

[877] But still, the money.

[878] Crazy money.

[879] He's got a recent one.

[880] Does he?

[881] Yeah, he knocked a chick up a couple years ago.

[882] Mick!

[883] She's hot, too.

[884] I think she's Brazilian, and I think she's like 28 or something like.

[885] that.

[886] And how old is he?

[887] I feel like she's a ballerina.

[888] I feel like she's a ballerina.

[889] So if he's 75, you're guaranteeing that this child will experience his father's death in the first 20 years of his life.

[890] Yeah, unless something really crazy happens, like technologically.

[891] Yeah.

[892] Like medical technology gets to some point where they can reverse aging, which is apparently when you talk to people who are like legitimate scientists about this, they're like, this is not outside of that.

[893] the realm of possibility by any stretch of the imagination like within our lifetime it is entirely possible that they figure out a way to stop the aging process dead in its tracks yeah well silicon valley believes it all those dudes have got think tanks going for cryogenically saving well cryogenics I would imagine if you do it regularly I bet that adds you're talking about cryotherapy cryogenics is actually freezing the body dead right right right yeah cryotherapy I would think would add some time.

[894] Well, there's a company in Northern California that takes the blood of young people and injects it into the bodies of old people.

[895] And there's anecdotal research and research with mice that points to the fact that it's supposed to radically improve behavior and energy in mice.

[896] And conversely, when they take the older mice's blood and they put it in a younger mouse, then younger mouse is like, what the fuck?

[897] Younger mouse starts acting like, like an old mouse.

[898] No shit.

[899] Yeah, and so we had Eric Weinstein on the other day who works for Peter Thiel.

[900] And Peter Thiel is that billionaire guy in Silicon Valley who, he's a guy that funded that Hulk Hogan lawsuit against Gawker, that crushed Gawker.

[901] Oh yeah?

[902] Yeah, because they outed him apparently.

[903] They outed him as being gay and he was really pissed at them.

[904] They wrote some like really shitty articles about him and he was like, all right, fuck you.

[905] How about I just use my money and crush you?

[906] And so he went after them.

[907] Oh, shit.

[908] Yeah, and apparently he's offering the women who have accused Harvey Weinstein of sexual assault.

[909] He's offering each one of them $100 ,000 to go after him.

[910] Wow.

[911] Yeah.

[912] This guy, he's like, he's an interesting, very interesting character, but super rich, super smart, and doesn't give a fuck.

[913] And so the rumor was that he was doing this therapy.

[914] But since then I've heard that that was not confirmed.

[915] What's that, Jamie?

[916] yeah feet of teal is not harvesting the blood of the young that's a good picture was it Elon Musk though trying to work on some kind of life longevity thing is he he's probably working on everything that fucker he makes me feel really stupid he was at a comedy show once that I did oh yeah with that chick that he just dumped Johnny Depp's old girlfriend and I got legitimately nervous that he was in the audience yeah especially because I have a bit of about inventors.

[917] Yeah, I mean, a guy, like I, as a comedian, and I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way, in order for me to be able to get on stage in front of hundreds of people and take the reins and go, all right, you hundreds of people are going to all shut the fuck up.

[918] I'm the funniest one of them.

[919] I merit you all being quiet for an hour.

[920] You have to do mind games with yourself sometimes, like, especially when you're starting out.

[921] And so you have to, sometimes if it's a gig I'm intimidated by, I'll think to myself, I'm smarter than everybody in this crowd.

[922] And I know I'm not, but I have to tell myself that.

[923] That's a ridiculous thing to think.

[924] And then it's so hard when you get up.

[925] And I remember I did a gig at this very hipster place in New York, and Johnny Depp was in the audience, and he was with some fucking model who looked like she was literally starving to death.

[926] And everybody in the crowd was just in black, and they were all hip.

[927] And I really felt like, and I said it on stage, I go, usually I just tell myself, I'm better looking and I'm richer than everybody in the audience.

[928] And tonight I realize I'm the poorest, ugliest person here.

[929] What a stupid thing to try to convince yourself.

[930] I'm the best -looking man alive.

[931] Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Greg Fitzsimmons.

[932] Here I am.

[933] Bald, wrinkled, short.

[934] Just shimmying on stage.

[935] But that's the mind game.

[936] That's the truth.

[937] It's like visualization.

[938] Why that trick?

[939] Because I get scared.

[940] I get intimidated.

[941] Not anymore, but when I was starting out, I used to all the time.

[942] Well, when I come back and I look at starting out, when you and I both started out, we were both like 21.

[943] What the fuck does a 21 -year -old have to say about anything?

[944] Yeah.

[945] We're so dumb.

[946] I know.

[947] Like, I imagine myself today going on stage at 21, like being in the room, watching myself going on stage at 21, like being in the room, watching myself going on stage at and just thinking, what a fucking idiot.

[948] Yeah.

[949] Like, you don't know anything about life.

[950] Yeah.

[951] You're basically fresh out of high school, just paying your own bills for, like, a couple of years.

[952] Yeah.

[953] And here you are talking into a microphone.

[954] We're grown adults.

[955] Like, I went on stage exactly 16 days after it was legal for me to drink.

[956] Yeah.

[957] And you've got middle -aged people that have real jobs.

[958] Mortgages.

[959] Mortgages.

[960] Guys who got back from the war.

[961] People with college degrees, master's degrees.

[962] People have pulled people out of burning buildings.

[963] People have lost friends and gunfights.

[964] Guy, widows.

[965] 21 -year -old talking about a widow, trying to make them laugh.

[966] Fucking idiot I was.

[967] But there's no other way to do it.

[968] Like, Dane Cook said this once, and it's a very insightful thing.

[969] he was like if I had to do it again like if I had to start comedy again I really don't think I could do it he's like it was just it's so overwhelming the idea of starting again like 10 years in you know yeah but that's kind of what we've done with podcasting we start over again yeah I mean we had momentum because we had been in entertainment but I feel like it was the healthiest thing in the world the podcast for me because you know would have been all these years we're doing stand -up and you get to a certain point where I always think of it as like your bottom and your top rise over the years.

[970] They should.

[971] They should continue like the worst bomb you're going to have now is so much higher than the worst bomb you would have had five years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago.

[972] And so you do need to challenge yourself and like with the podcast it's a whole different rhythm and you're not you're not getting immediate feedback and plus it's a business.

[973] You've got to build it.

[974] You got to get your equipment and you got to, you know, sell ads and all that shit and it was like for me it was really good it woke me up again like oh yeah i got it gave me confidence that i could do something new that's interesting because you're already doing the radio show right well i did the podcast about a year after i started the radio show how long you been doing the podcast like eight or nine years yeah i didn't think of it at all that way i thought of the podcast is just fun yeah just something to do for a goof and i did it for years like irregularly before I ever wound up committing to it But like every few weeks And then I'd couple in the room We would do it in the green room Joey Diaz would always get mad Shut that fucking thing off You guys are always fucking online You're fucking around online Shut it off Joe Rogan He would get mad I'd be like people like it You waste your fucking time on the internet Yeah I was relentless That's like the biggest part of his life now His podcast is gigantic for him Yeah I just did it the other night He was so high He fucking gave me the I forgot where his studio was So I said send me the address again So he sends me the address I fucking pull up on this dark road And I go to I go Oh he must have fucking switch his studio or something Because this isn't the old one So I go oh what the fuck It's a house I guess he's doing it to the back of his house I fucking ring the doorbell It's his house It was so high He gave me his fucking home address Instead of the studio I'm texting him I'm out front Dog I don't see you at front I'm looking.

[975] The fucking street's empty, Greg Fitzsimmons.

[976] And I walk in, and he's chewing down those, what are they, black star or something?

[977] Oh, God.

[978] He's got a bong going.

[979] He's had mushrooms.

[980] Lee Siyat is sitting there.

[981] His eyes are shut.

[982] Lee.

[983] His eyes are shut.

[984] I don't know how he sees the equipment.

[985] I don't know how he does it.

[986] Lee can't handle it.

[987] You could look in his eyes sometimes.

[988] Like, I've been on his show before, and when someone says something, I always feel like we're having a conversation.

[989] Someone says something.

[990] I go, what do you mean by that?

[991] Yeah.

[992] And then we're having a talk.

[993] But if you say, like Lee said something, I go, what does that mean?

[994] And he was like, uh -uh.

[995] It's him lock up, like, oh, it's just way too high to have this conversation.

[996] He was talking about how, he was like, it seems like audio is the thing of the future.

[997] I go, what?

[998] What do you mean?

[999] And he goes, well, it just seems like people, like, they're always on their phones while they're on TV or they're watching a movie.

[1000] They're talking on their phone or they're looking to their phone or they're listening to things while they're doing other things.

[1001] things like, what?

[1002] You're, wait a minute, you're listening to things while you're watching TV?

[1003] What?

[1004] Who the fuck was playing with their phone while they're watching TV?

[1005] And he's like, he's in a fucking paranoia of wash over him, like a tight way.

[1006] I'm like, I gotta leave this poor guy alone.

[1007] Well, because Joey makes him do everything he does.

[1008] Not only Joey do that.

[1009] Joey swaps edibles on him.

[1010] Like, Lee, try this.

[1011] It's only 50 milligrams.

[1012] And it'll take a 500 milligram pot and he'll put it in the wrapper of a 50 and twist it back up it's mild it's mild I have four of them and so it gives him enough to make you reconsider your existence in the universe while he's running the soundboard and he doesn't fuck up he's a good engineer it's very good yeah yeah it's like I don't know if it's healthy to be around Joey all the time like that like it can be really dangerous well also Joey's so good to him You know, they just have, like, a very, very unique relationship, man. I mean, that's a, that's a goddamn show, that relationship right there.

[1013] Because Joey's like a father figure to him, kind of.

[1014] Yeah, in some insane way.

[1015] Joey's a sweetheart.

[1016] As long as you are on his side.

[1017] Yeah.

[1018] But the worst place in the world is a guy who's against Joey.

[1019] Right.

[1020] Like, Joey is what the worst.

[1021] I've seen, like, God, Joey have feuds with people.

[1022] it is a horrible thing to watch because he's so passionate about his friendship with people that when someone turns on him like he's as loving and is friendly and as warm as he is like you know how he is like when he sees you it's all hugs and you know he calls you up he calls you Greg Fitzsimmons what's going on yeah that's it he's going to make him suck your dick I know what you're doing dog you know and like he loves you like I love Joey like I mean He's my family, like 100%.

[1023] But if you turn on him, man, it's a fucking horrendous.

[1024] I've seen him go after people.

[1025] It's scary.

[1026] Yeah.

[1027] It's crazy.

[1028] He's so, like, he's Cuban.

[1029] Yeah.

[1030] And, you know, he came up, he had a really fucked up situation growing up.

[1031] He found his mom dead when he was 13.

[1032] He was on acid.

[1033] Yeah.

[1034] I mean, it's like he was raised by his friend's family.

[1035] And he was sucking a tit that night, too.

[1036] Was he?

[1037] Yeah, he was sucking some girl's tit on acid.

[1038] Oh, wow.

[1039] He found his mom dad, yeah.

[1040] What has some symbolism in that, huh?

[1041] Remember when sucking a tit was like, this is as good as it gets?

[1042] I don't eat anything better than this.

[1043] Still, it's still.

[1044] My wife, thank God, I could not have married a woman that didn't have nice tits.

[1045] Oh, there's a lot of women out there with little tits that are angry at you right now.

[1046] Sorry, you're not real women.

[1047] I'm kidding.

[1048] I'm kidding.

[1049] But I couldn't have married one.

[1050] I respect you and I'll hang out.

[1051] out with you, I'll let you into my shows, but I'm not going to marry you.

[1052] I'll let you into my shows.

[1053] If you get out of the itty -bitty -titty committee early and you want to go see a comedy show.

[1054] Wow.

[1055] No, look, I respect all women.

[1056] I just think I really...

[1057] Do you all of them?

[1058] What about mean ones that kill people?

[1059] I respect them even more.

[1060] They're fighting back.

[1061] They're me -toeing out there.

[1062] Huh?

[1063] Do you hear about the hashtag me -to?

[1064] No. You're going to love this, Joe Rogan.

[1065] There's a thing now, because of Harvey Weinstein, there's a hashtag that women that have been sexually harassed, pound sign me too on their social media.

[1066] Jesus Christ.

[1067] And, you know...

[1068] Well, sexually harassed?

[1069] I would say it's probably 100%.

[1070] Yeah, because it's a murky definition.

[1071] Right.

[1072] You know, I mean, some of the stories that you hear.

[1073] And look, this Harvey Weinstein thing is atrocious.

[1074] and guys that are like that are the reason why guys like us have to watch what we say.

[1075] All the sensitivity that we've been talking about is because of a few assholes.

[1076] There's a lot of assholes.

[1077] There's a lot of assholes.

[1078] And it's not just, I mean, we're not talking about a person trying to get late.

[1079] We're talking about a person who's holding employment over people.

[1080] Right.

[1081] Power.

[1082] And did you see the TMZ thing?

[1083] Where TMZ, they were describing the nature of his contract that he had sexual, assault and sexual harassment lawsuits written into the contract?

[1084] Like a waiver for him?

[1085] Yeah.

[1086] Like a waiver for him.

[1087] Yeah.

[1088] How much he would be fined?

[1089] And for one one person saying it, it was a certain amount of money for two allegations.

[1090] Oh, no shit.

[1091] It was more for three.

[1092] It was like 100 ,000, 250, 750, a million.

[1093] Wow.

[1094] Yeah, he had it written in.

[1095] Like caps on how much he should have to pay.

[1096] No, like how much they would pay him, or how much he would have to pay.

[1097] According to the contract, if Weinstein treated someone improperly in violation of the company's code of conduct, he must reimburse TWC for the settlements or judgments.

[1098] Additionally, you, Weinstein, will pay the company liquidated damages of $250 ,000 for the first such instance, $500 ,000 for the second such instance, $750 ,000 for the third, and a million for each additional instance.

[1099] Just imagine that they wrote this in.

[1100] They're complicit.

[1101] They're all complicit.

[1102] There's another provision.

[1103] He can be fired for the perpetuation.

[1104] Whoa.

[1105] Perpetuation.

[1106] Have you ever read?

[1107] Perpetuation?

[1108] Perpetuation?

[1109] That's a weird word.

[1110] Yeah, it is.

[1111] Perpetuation by you, Weinstein, of a material fraud against the company.

[1112] Okay, what does that mean?

[1113] The question, where's the fraud?

[1114] Lance Meroff, a board member who negotiated.

[1115] the Weinstein 2015 contract said in an interview and we've confirmed the board knew Weinstein had settled prior lawsuits brought by various women but they assumed it was to cover up consensual affairs sure it was the board's assumption does not constitute fraud on Weinstein's part scroll up just keep going more surprisingly is how TWC fired Weinstein suppose Weinstein no Weinstein Supposedly without giving a specific reason, which could potentially violate the terms of the contract.

[1116] Oh, my God.

[1117] That's crazy.

[1118] Here's the kicker.

[1119] Even if Weinstein had committed fraud by not fully informing the board of directors, the contract says, before he can be fired, he has the right to mediation.

[1120] If that doesn't work, he's entitled to arbitration.

[1121] He got neither.

[1122] He was summarily fired and sources connected with Weinstein tell TMZ he was never given a specific reason.

[1123] Wow.

[1124] Well, he's fighting it.

[1125] I love that.

[1126] Where do you get the balls to fight back right now?

[1127] I guess he feels like it's the only way to sort of reclaim some ground.

[1128] Yeah.

[1129] I mean, is that a way to look at it?

[1130] Well, that's that mentality.

[1131] And, you know, at that level, the power brokers that run Hollywood, you know, they're all fucking, it's Trump is like that, too.

[1132] It's all aggression.

[1133] It's all come at you when you come at them.

[1134] Yeah.

[1135] I mean, it's got to be.

[1136] a crazy position to be in, to be the head of Miramax, you know?

[1137] I mean, it's like, it's the biggest, it's one of the biggest, right?

[1138] What's the biggest?

[1139] I don't know.

[1140] What is the biggest studio?

[1141] If it's not Miramax, it's one of the other.

[1142] Universal, maybe.

[1143] Miramax.

[1144] So, at the very least, he's responsible for some of the most iconic movies ever.

[1145] Yeah.

[1146] Certainly the most Oscars of any studio in the last 20 years.

[1147] So everyone's kissing his ass.

[1148] Yeah.

[1149] massive amounts of power and this influence over people like royalty right barks they all come you know everybody's at his whim constantly and then tries to fuck all these starlets like if he had just stuck with like prostitutes probably still would come out but it wouldn't come out the same way it wouldn't come out you don't think of well think about the fact that they covered up sexual assault on it sounds like a weekly basis.

[1150] I mean, this story broke, what, five days ago?

[1151] Something like that?

[1152] And there's already so many women that have come out.

[1153] And now you've got a bounty on more women to come out.

[1154] Like, I think that somebody else is offering a certain amount of money for every woman that comes out against him.

[1155] Jesus.

[1156] So, it's going to be like Cosby all over again.

[1157] And you think about But Cosby was drugging and raping women.

[1158] No, but I just mean in terms of half frequently.

[1159] Another step more evil, though.

[1160] I'm just talking about, like, the frequency of it and the complicity of people that set up the meetings, covered up the lawsuits, gave the women work after the meetings.

[1161] You know, a lot of them got script deals, got roles in movies, because a lot of them didn't walk out of the room.

[1162] A lot of them gave them the back rub or whatever else.

[1163] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1164] Well, that was what Whitney was talking about the other day.

[1165] Whitney Cummings was telling me her and one of her friends, who was an actress, I did their show at the Largo the other night.

[1166] And they were in the green room, and they were talking about how many women literally wrote into their contract, like, not wrote into it, but there was an agreement that they would fuck him to get, like, editors cut.

[1167] They would fuck him to get more lines.

[1168] What?

[1169] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1170] Girls, like, prominent actresses had sex with him to ensure that they got big roles.

[1171] This was written down?

[1172] Some of it was agreed upon.

[1173] I don't know if they wrote it, but these things were agreed upon.

[1174] and that he always kept his end of the bargain.

[1175] He was known for hooking them up.

[1176] Wow.

[1177] It was part of how he got this whole thing to work.

[1178] Which means every director and editor that kept those lines in knew because editors all the time or chop.

[1179] You chop out whole scenes because they don't work.

[1180] Yeah, but that's only, that's like when did it happen?

[1181] Did it happen before the film was shot?

[1182] Like he would give them final cut?

[1183] like he would allow them to be in the editing room or was it like I will give you the choice part whatever it was like some sneaky deal yeah I mean who knows how he said it who knows how they did it yeah but the idea that all these actors are coming out like I have no idea I can't believe it I'm so horrified how do you not know that I'm a road comic and I knew about it I'm not in the middle of Hollywood yeah I've known about it for 15 years what did you know I knew that he was a casting couch guy Everybody knew that he was this sleazy fat I always would joke about how like I think he makes himself less attractive Because it's more of a power trip for him It's more fun Yeah Yeah to have his fat gut resting on their forehead While he shoots a load in their mouth Yeah All right you got the part Yeah Next Doesn't blow Doesn't wash on purpose Yeah has his balls Just stink like locker rooms Yeah, it's a weird thing, man. It's a weird thing that that went on forever in this industry, not this industry, the movie industry, the music industry, the music industry as well.

[1184] Sturgle Simpson was telling me some story about some guy who's a known pederast, who is like, he's in a similar position in the music business.

[1185] And, like, people know, like, you can't have, like, young boys around this guy.

[1186] Wow.

[1187] And that he's some big -time, powerful guy.

[1188] He told me the guy's name.

[1189] I literally can't tell you.

[1190] who the fuck it was, but he was saying, like, man, there is, there are people in the music business that are in this exact same situation.

[1191] Like, they fuck people to have them move on and move up and move forward, especially back when radio was a big deal, right?

[1192] Radio and record sales were inexorably connected.

[1193] You could not sell records unless you get on the radio.

[1194] The only band that managed to move through that was Kiss.

[1195] Kiss was rarely on radio.

[1196] They were rarely on the radio.

[1197] But Kiss had such a loyal following, and they put together such an amazing show, a live show, that they were selling millions of albums and got almost no radio time.

[1198] No, no kidding.

[1199] Selling out arenas, almost no radio.

[1200] And they were, like, mocked, like, relentlessly by people who really loved rock.

[1201] Yeah, I never liked Kiss, but I respect what they've done.

[1202] I loved Kiss.

[1203] Really?

[1204] Oh, yeah, when I was a kid.

[1205] I loved them.

[1206] How many songs, though, do they really have good.

[1207] Tons.

[1208] Shitloads.

[1209] Depends on if you like that kind of music.

[1210] Yeah.

[1211] Look, I mean, it's like if I compare it to Led Zeppelin, like in terms of like the style of music, the depth of the composition of the music and the lyrics, and, you know, like they don't have anything that's like a whole lot of love or anything like that.

[1212] You know what I mean?

[1213] There's like, there's certain songs that are just on another level, you know?

[1214] They don't have any of those.

[1215] Yeah.

[1216] But they have fun songs.

[1217] You know?

[1218] They're a live band.

[1219] Yeah.

[1220] They have great live shows.

[1221] Yeah.

[1222] The live shows are great.

[1223] But, and then some of their, some of their song, like, Beth is a good song.

[1224] They have a bunch of good songs that are, like, uncharacteristic, you know, for, like, what you would think of when you think about Kiss.

[1225] Yeah.

[1226] But, you know, they had, like, this style of music.

[1227] It was, like, a fun, party, rock and roll.

[1228] I want to rock and roll all night and party every day.

[1229] Right.

[1230] I think that the couple songs I know of theirs, I like, but when you think about the phenomenon that is Kiss, they really don't have the songs to support it.

[1231] Like, I feel like the same way, I'm going to get shit about saying this.

[1232] Arrowsmith.

[1233] You son of a bitch.

[1234] You son of the greatest rock songs of all time.

[1235] Like literally, my top 50 rock songs, three of them are eras.

[1236] Walk this way.

[1237] Dream on.

[1238] Dream on.

[1239] And, uh...

[1240] Mama Ken?

[1241] Sweet emotion.

[1242] Sweet emotion.

[1243] Sweet emotions.

[1244] Those three are my top, in my top 50, and then it ends.

[1245] Then you got love in the elevator and all this shit that makes me go like, I got to delete my files on these clowns.

[1246] Well, you know what happened to them?

[1247] Movies.

[1248] They started doing those movie anthems.

[1249] Yeah.

[1250] Should never do those movie anthems.

[1251] They did those like Armageddon soundtrack type things.

[1252] Yeah.

[1253] Where, you know, like this middle of the road popcorn music for a stupid blockbuster film.

[1254] They started trying to figure out what the audience wanted and giving it to them instead of being themselves.

[1255] I don't know.

[1256] I mean, for whatever it is, it's like you have two different schools of thought in that band.

[1257] You have Joe Perry, who I know, who's a great guy, who doesn't give a fuck about fame.

[1258] Joe Perry's like a guy from Boston who's just a badass guitarist who loves making rock and roll.

[1259] Yeah, he's awesome.

[1260] And then you got Stephen Tyler, who likes being famous.

[1261] Yeah.

[1262] And he likes doing like, what is he on America's Got?

[1263] Howen or one of those?

[1264] Which one of those is he on?

[1265] Yeah.

[1266] I think you did American Idol for one season.

[1267] It was just one season?

[1268] But that kind of shit.

[1269] Yeah.

[1270] Could you imagine Robert Plant doing American Idol?

[1271] Well, I could imagine Mick Jagger doing something like that.

[1272] And Keith Richards.

[1273] Keith Richards is like the, what's that?

[1274] Just a bank checks.

[1275] Just to bang checks.

[1276] But I think Mick Jagger and Keith Richards have a similar kind of situation.

[1277] Mick wanted to be famous.

[1278] Keith is just a badass rocker.

[1279] Maybe.

[1280] I don't know.

[1281] Huh.

[1282] I mean, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be famous because that's what you're into.

[1283] But when the music suffers or the music changes, you know?

[1284] Yeah.

[1285] You go from sweet emotions to some, like, nonsensical, moron ballad that literally, like, it hurts your feelings.

[1286] Yeah.

[1287] You listen to some of those ballads, and you're just like, oh.

[1288] All right.

[1289] Billy Joel's like that.

[1290] He's got some of the greatest fucking son.

[1291] Remember the last time we shot Poole, we listened to a few Billy Joel songs.

[1292] And then you've got Uptown girl I've got a Billy Joel theory I've talked about it And you just get so angry about it I know exactly what happened Christy Brinkley Yeah Too hot Ugly little guy from Long Island All of a sudden he's banging this supermodel That bitch is hot today And she's like 80 Yeah right She's hot as fuck Yeah She's like the hottest 64 year old woman on the planet Have you seen pictures ever?

[1293] I just played I bowled with her recently Shut up Yep No you know look See that's when they were together That's when he lost his marbles Yeah.

[1294] That's when it was all uptown girl.

[1295] She looks fucking beautiful.

[1296] So where was this?

[1297] Venice.

[1298] She bowls in Venice?

[1299] Yeah.

[1300] Isn't that crazy that she's in her 60s?

[1301] Yeah.

[1302] Like you would bang her, right?

[1303] Would you bang 60 -in just because he fucked her.

[1304] You fuck him because he fucked her?

[1305] Yeah.

[1306] I wouldn't go that far.

[1307] But do you think, I would worry that she would break.

[1308] Because she's 64?

[1309] Yeah, you'd send it home and hear cracking on her hips.

[1310] Is that her?

[1311] Oh, look at that.

[1312] In the water?

[1313] Yeah.

[1314] How's that possible?

[1315] How does she look so hot?

[1316] And so many women fall apart.

[1317] Oh, no, I didn't see Chrissy Brinkley.

[1318] You did?

[1319] I saw Cindy Crawford.

[1320] You son of a bitch.

[1321] You just like Jamie.

[1322] Oh, my God, look at her butt.

[1323] Oh, that's not her?

[1324] I was like, that's insane.

[1325] That might be your daughter, though.

[1326] Oh, it is her daughter.

[1327] Whoa.

[1328] Lesbing it up?

[1329] No, they're hugging, you son of a bitch.

[1330] In bikinis.

[1331] Yeah, where's her butt?

[1332] Oh, come on.

[1333] Those are the daughters.

[1334] That's a little sexy.

[1335] See, that's the thing.

[1336] I don't think you can have a nice 64 -year -old ass, I think.

[1337] Yeah, every picture is like from the front.

[1338] And notice the bent leg to kind of hide any kind of.

[1339] Well, they all do that.

[1340] I don't know.

[1341] She looks pretty good.

[1342] Hot as fuck, right?

[1343] But look, you don't see her butt.

[1344] Google Christy Brinkley's butt.

[1345] Listen, you're objectifying women.

[1346] No, no, I'm just trying to.

[1347] I'm doing an anatomical survey or something.

[1348] Oh, that's a famous shot.

[1349] Yeah, but that's like from 80s.

[1350] That's her Sports Illustrated shot.

[1351] Christine Blinkie's butt at 60.

[1352] I have 2017 on it.

[1353] Well, either way, she's done a remarkable job of staying attractive.

[1354] Very proud of it.

[1355] And I guess what that is is just constant effort, right?

[1356] And maybe some surgery.

[1357] But at the very least.

[1358] A lot of DNA involved, too.

[1359] Right, must be.

[1360] Yeah.

[1361] Yeah.

[1362] But constant effort, right?

[1363] Like constant gym time, watching the diet.

[1364] you know all that stuff a lot of water greats you know and also they have they get all the best skin care products yeah I mean that's the business you know that's her business it's what's super shocking is when a woman was like just smoking hot and then she just lets it go just lets it go like Kathleen Turner you ever seen Kathleen Turner today she could be Joey Diaz start double would you have sex was it just to say you had sex with Kathleen Turner though what do you think now no look at that picture wow dude she was fucking smoking yeah and she had that voice but I feel like there's a health issue like she's so big it doesn't make sense yeah a lot of times you know they have to take a steroid for something and they blow up from the steroid oh Jesus is that real you make that bigger see I think it's probably alcohol too when you see someone that big it's like boy you have to eat a lot of food to stay that big yeah unless you're boozing it like I know this lady she works out all the time but she booses all the time maybe she just can't her legs are always like just thick and weird yeah booze the fucking empty calories and booze for people who drink like every day those everyday drinkers, man. That's a, that's a fucking, it's a hard road.

[1365] And once you're drunk, you're not a real health nut about what you eat, pizza, and fucking.

[1366] And then when you wake up in the morning, you feel like shit.

[1367] Yeah.

[1368] Oh.

[1369] Some people, I don't know, maybe Kathleen Turner, maybe she made so much money and her natural body is big.

[1370] And she just went, fuck it.

[1371] I'm going to enjoy my life and not suffer like Kathleen, like Christy Brinkley.

[1372] that sounds like something a woman who got really big would say no one's natural body's overweight that's just not if you're doing that it's because you're eating the wrong food you're not exercising you're definitely overeating and you're most likely drinking like that's that's not someone who's thick that's you know that's a obese woman yeah I mean that's look at her dude she was hot as fuck whoa she was hot Was that movie Body Heat with her and, was that Jeff Bridges or William Hurt?

[1373] This is from Romancing the Stone.

[1374] Oh, that was like a rip -off of Indiana Jones, right, with Michael Douglas?

[1375] Yeah, that was like Michael Douglas was like the Indiana Jones character, but it was kind of like a semi -comedy.

[1376] Romancing the Stone.

[1377] Yeah, it was like, he was the archaeologist.

[1378] God, it was hard to remember.

[1379] Boy, they made a lot of shitty movies back then.

[1380] Yeah, romancing the Stone.

[1381] Trying to go back and watch those things, you'd be like, what?

[1382] I know, they were so dated.

[1383] You ever see Working Girl lately?

[1384] What's that?

[1385] It was Melanie Griffith, and she played a girl from Staten Island who, like, is a secretary at a law firm, and she's a paralegal or something.

[1386] No, even an ad agency?

[1387] Look at her.

[1388] Yes.

[1389] Wow.

[1390] No, that's not her.

[1391] That's...

[1392] Melanie Griffith.

[1393] Is it?

[1394] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[1395] Because, you know, who else has got the...

[1396] the big hair in this movie is Joan Joe Cusack.

[1397] Joan Cusack, yeah, there she is.

[1398] So they're supposed to be like girls from Long Island or something?

[1399] Yeah, and they're working at the fancy Manhattan office, but they're like the gum chewing cigarette smoking, like...

[1400] That's real.

[1401] And then she bluffs her way up.

[1402] Oh.

[1403] It's a great fucking movie, but it's so...

[1404] The fashion and the hair is hysterical.

[1405] It's a corny weaver.

[1406] She was hot.

[1407] Yeah.

[1408] fuck back in the alien days right she was so hot it's a rough world man look at harrison ford handsome bastard it's weird that we're watching these people age to like the point of decay right in front of us because that really wasn't a thing until about 50 years ago like if you really stop you never got to see that you never got to see someone age in front of you like that right Like, until, I mean, 50 years, maybe, no, maybe a little bit more, maybe, let's get generous, 70, 80 years.

[1409] Like, this is a new cultural phenomenon to have visual evidence of decay that you go over with a fine tooth comb and never like this where I could say, hey, pull that shit up, Jamie.

[1410] Yeah.

[1411] Let's take a look at Kathleen Turner when she was young.

[1412] Whoa!

[1413] Oh, yeah, I'm sure if you pulled up before, after pictures, they're already smashed together in some photos.

[1414] Oh, for sure.

[1415] And it's like, no, you look at like Betty Davis.

[1416] She got to a certain age and then she just went Okay, I'll be in my mansion Lock it up behind me I'll see you at my funeral They just crawled out of the way Like a pigeon that got injured Or Elizabeth Taylor She just kept marrying new gay guys Some new obviously gay guy She's like does she know Like what fuck's happening She was like 70 They were like 45 year old gay guys Whoa look at that 1883 Smyrinoff With Betty Davis An ad Oh Jim Beam two of a kind of originals.

[1417] Why did I say?

[1418] Oh, Smyranoff Vodka ad.

[1419] Wow.

[1420] Who is that?

[1421] The other one, Diane, what is that her name?

[1422] Where it says in the ad, right there.

[1423] 83 Smyranoff Vodka ad, what's the woman's name?

[1424] Diane Carroll, I don't know.

[1425] Who's Diane Carroll?

[1426] What a weird way of spell Diane.

[1427] D -I -A -H -A -N -N.

[1428] Maybe she's a photographer?

[1429] Maybe she's a lot of work.

[1430] She likes to change the spelling her name to be crafty.

[1431] There's a lot of Diane's D -I -A -N -E I'm not a lot of women I'm very different And you get mad when you correct people It's D -I -H -A N Yeah, if you like read it out D -H -A -N Diane My name is Diane Well, why don't you spell it Diane?

[1432] Crazy bitch It's a phonetic language Yeah Who?

[1433] That's Diane Carroll Oh, there she is Dynasty Oh, from Dynasty There's a new dynasty Apparently Oh, good There's an ad It's hilarious.

[1434] It's a billboard.

[1435] And in the billboard, there's, like, this guy and a couple pretty women behind him.

[1436] And one of the pretty women has her tongue out like this, like showing you a little of her tongue.

[1437] That's something that, unless you're a rock star, men just don't do.

[1438] Like, men never take a picture, try to look sexy.

[1439] Yeah, right.

[1440] Yeah, look at her tongue.

[1441] Oh, yeah.

[1442] Look at that fucking picture.

[1443] Like, what is?

[1444] First of all, it's on the CW, which I don't even know if I have.

[1445] there's certain channels like I didn't even know I don't have epics direct TV doesn't have epics because I tried to watch someone special on epics and I was like oh I don't have that fucking thing see that one bitch is pulling the other bitch's hair with her tongue out like yeah even when I'm violent I stick my tongue out to lick the tip of dicks like what is that like who told her just tick her tongue out like that yeah baby perfect perfect I like it but if they didn't what if they photoshoped their tongue out there and she got the photos she's like what the fuck is this stupid shit yeah yeah why don't have my tongue out this is the editor made a choice an artistic choice this is the new like kiss kiss face the selfie face what was the one that you just pulled up that gay picture you just pulled up oh there's a bunch of guys all the guys are fighting that black guy's gonna kick that white guy's ass why we're pretending he's not you know yeah he's eyeball on him that black guy's gonna fuck that white guy up i can tell by looking at their faces yeah that's true Do you find that with MMA?

[1446] You can tell from the weigh -ins and all that?

[1447] Nope.

[1448] Who's got an edge?

[1449] You definitely can't.

[1450] No. You think you can.

[1451] You're off and wrong.

[1452] Yeah, you can't.

[1453] You can't tell.

[1454] There's a lot of guys that look like dough boys, but they can fight.

[1455] Yeah.

[1456] They just know how to fight.

[1457] It's also they know how to endure.

[1458] Sometimes guys, when they don't look physically impressive, have had to deal with so many people fucking with them, their whole life, that they develop this sort of, like, werewolf personality.

[1459] Yeah.

[1460] Like where they can just go, oh, yeah, motherfucker.

[1461] And then they just keep coming.

[1462] They keep coming at you.

[1463] And they just never, they never get discouraged.

[1464] Yeah.

[1465] And those guys, like, a lot of times guys are not physically gifted.

[1466] They have incredible work ethic because they have to because it's the only way they can compete.

[1467] And so they, like, they'll slowly break guys down just with toughness.

[1468] The problem with those guys is, they take an extreme beating in a career.

[1469] Right.

[1470] And it's not sustainable.

[1471] And then one day they run into a guy who has both.

[1472] Like, see, there's discipline and there's talent.

[1473] And a lot of times talented people don't have discipline.

[1474] And, you know, you just wish they did because then they'd be the greatest ever.

[1475] Well, the greatest ever are the guys with talent and discipline.

[1476] Like Anderson Silva or someone like that.

[1477] Like talented but also like physically superior, just moves faster.

[1478] And then also works incredibly hard.

[1479] Right.

[1480] And then also can perform under pressure and knows how to come back from behind.

[1481] Like, knows how to turn around when he's getting his ass kicked.

[1482] Yeah, that's the third aspect.

[1483] Yeah.

[1484] You have to have to have to have to have the psychological.

[1485] You have to be able to be the hammer or the nail.

[1486] Right.

[1487] You've got to be the nail.

[1488] A lot of guys can't be the nail.

[1489] They start getting hit on.

[1490] They're like, fuck this, I've got to get out of it.

[1491] Yeah.

[1492] Yeah.

[1493] And some guys are great and they're like that.

[1494] So there's some great fighters that just can't take a beating.

[1495] Yeah.

[1496] It's very strange.

[1497] Fighting is the weirdest of all sports Because it's not really a sport It kind of is It's an athletic endeavor But it's so much more emotional and tense Than just a regular sport Like calling it a sport You know It's just something There's so much more to it It's more personal You're taking off to the bathroom Jamie I can't handle it Jamie can't handle it Now we don't get to see them sneak around behind you anymore We have a new setup Yeah you should have a camera in the bathroom In James, yeah.

[1498] You can get sued for that.

[1499] You get trouble.

[1500] You ever hear about Chuck Barry?

[1501] Yes, that's what I was going to say.

[1502] Dude, that came out.

[1503] That was another thing.

[1504] I knew.

[1505] I had heard rumors.

[1506] And again, am I in the fucking music industry?

[1507] I had heard rumors that Chuck Barry had hours and hours of footage of women pissing and shitting and that he had cameras hidden in the toilet seats of his restaurant in Illinois.

[1508] I knew this shit for years, and then all of a sudden it came out in the news and there was a class action lawsuit that I believe he lost.

[1509] I should say all of this with supposedly.

[1510] Allegedly.

[1511] So I don't get sued.

[1512] Allegedly.

[1513] Well, he's dead.

[1514] You can get away with that.

[1515] Oh, is he dead?

[1516] But I mean, it's amazing that this shit is out there.

[1517] Bill Cosby.

[1518] I knew that Bill Cosby was molesting women, so did you.

[1519] Yes.

[1520] I knew it because when I was on the set of news radio, People knew him from whatever thing, and that was always the thing, that Bill Cosby drugs women.

[1521] Yeah.

[1522] And I'd heard it, like, what?

[1523] He does?

[1524] Yeah.

[1525] Like, it was always some weird thing.

[1526] I never met him, but I don't even think I knew someone who had been around him.

[1527] I think it was just like one of those things where people just knew.

[1528] Yeah.

[1529] You just knew, like, that Michael Jackson was probably Dilling kids.

[1530] We knew it because we knew.

[1531] Well, that's a thing that's coming out.

[1532] do we know?

[1533] Did we know somebody?

[1534] Yeah.

[1535] Who'd we know?

[1536] We knew somebody who was sent a boy to the ranch.

[1537] What?

[1538] Who's we?

[1539] I don't want to say on the air who it is.

[1540] Somebody in the industry.

[1541] But when you say we knew, like who's we?

[1542] You and I. Me?

[1543] Yeah.

[1544] I did not know someone who sent a boy to the, unless I didn't know that they sent a boy to the ranch.

[1545] Maybe you You didn't know.

[1546] You didn't know.

[1547] I'll tell you off the air.

[1548] Jesus Christ.

[1549] What about all these people that are listening in suspense right now?

[1550] I know.

[1551] I know.

[1552] I shouldn't have brought it up.

[1553] Yeah, you shouldn't have.

[1554] Son of a bitch.

[1555] Now you make any thing.

[1556] All these people out there don't know.

[1557] They're all hanging.

[1558] They're all hanging on a thread.

[1559] Like, who was it?

[1560] Yeah.

[1561] Well, I think it's one of the reasons why we like really good stuff too, right?

[1562] Because you can't imagine being able to do that.

[1563] Right.

[1564] Like when you see someone who's like playing, like you see like, Gary Clark Jr. or something, playing guitar on stage, mesmerizing.

[1565] God damn, that guy's good.

[1566] Like, holy shit.

[1567] You know, there's something about watching someone who's mesmerizing that's equally captivating.

[1568] It's watching someone who's awful.

[1569] Yeah, look at, what's his name from Queen?

[1570] Freddie Mercury?

[1571] Freddie Mercury.

[1572] Oh, yeah.

[1573] I mean, that guy fucking went for it.

[1574] He went for it back in the day when no one even knew he was gay, right?

[1575] They didn't understand, like, what a gay front man was.

[1576] Right.

[1577] Like now, you could be a gay frontman now.

[1578] Like, Elton John is openly gay.

[1579] Everyone knows it.

[1580] And he goes out there and sings and everybody goes nuts.

[1581] Yeah.

[1582] Back then, he fucking Wembley Stadium with a mustache sticking out and a leather vest.

[1583] We are the champions.

[1584] Yeah.

[1585] But you got to think he must have gone that big.

[1586] When they were playing bars and saloons on their way up, he must have been going big then.

[1587] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1588] Where it probably looked ridiculous, but certain people got it.

[1589] Well, he's so good that even when he was doing those bars, people must have heard that voice and went, holy shit, listen to this guy.

[1590] Right.

[1591] Because he could carry a fucking note.

[1592] Look at that picture up in there.

[1593] It's not even him.

[1594] That's from the movie that they're making about him.

[1595] Oh, really?

[1596] That's not him?

[1597] Wow, that guy looks amazingly like him.

[1598] Oh, I thought.

[1599] I think what's his name is doing it?

[1600] Ramey Malik is the actor's name.

[1601] Who's Brian J. Singer?

[1602] That guy.

[1603] I don't know.

[1604] He's very fun.

[1605] I think Sasha Baron Cohen wanted that role.

[1606] Really?

[1607] Yeah.

[1608] He probably would have nailed it.

[1609] I wonder why they didn't give it to him.

[1610] I mean, it's almost like...

[1611] Nicky Buby.

[1612] Did you see that?

[1613] What was it?

[1614] Live Aid, where they were simulcasting from London and Philadelphia at the same time?

[1615] Scroll up, scroll up there?

[1616] And he fucking stole the show.

[1617] That's him, for real.

[1618] Yeah.

[1619] Live Aid, where Sasha Baron Cohen stole the show?

[1620] No, where Freddie Mercury did.

[1621] No. It was back in 84 -ish.

[1622] When did he die?

[1623] I don't know.

[1624] He was like one of the first big names to die of AIDS.

[1625] Yeah.

[1626] You heard about anyone.

[1627] What?

[1628] Right.

[1629] Fucked up, man. 91?

[1630] 91?

[1631] Nobody dies of AIDS now.

[1632] It's very rare.

[1633] Yeah.

[1634] I don't say nobody.

[1635] But it's saying like nobody dies of syphilis.

[1636] You still can.

[1637] Yeah.

[1638] And did you hear that California just recently reduced the penalty of not telling someone that you have HIV.

[1639] Oh, did they?

[1640] Yeah, like wantonly infecting someone with HIV is no longer a felony.

[1641] Why?

[1642] The guy who introduced it, the senator, there's a fucking picture of them.

[1643] New California law reduces penalty for knowingly exposing someone to HIV.

[1644] Why the fuck would you do that?

[1645] HIV is a public health issue, not a criminal issue.

[1646] California state senator Scott Wiener said in support of the bill, which takes Now, Google that guy and find a picture of him with his shirt off with a leather vest on, a six -pack, and a dog collar around his neck.

[1647] And I'm not kidding.

[1648] I'm not kidding.

[1649] Like, there's a fucking image of him.

[1650] That's him, but he's jacked.

[1651] But there's a photo.

[1652] Oh, yeah.

[1653] Look at this.

[1654] Sorry, not a dog collar.

[1655] He's got a leather tie wrapped around his neck.

[1656] Might as well be a dog collar.

[1657] But look at this.

[1658] This is the guy.

[1659] I mean, if he's not gay, he's certainly sympathetic to the car.

[1660] cause and this is the guy that's supporting this bill saying that HIV is a health issue no it's not a health issue if you fucking knowingly give it to somebody if you knowingly shoot a hot load into someone knowing you have HIV you get back from the doctor doctor says Greg i got some bad news for you you got the hiv and you're like well i got some bad news forever i'm shooting loads too yeah because i'm not going to tell them i like shooting loads into people i don't like condoms You're doing a criminal act It's a deadly weapon Your semen is a deadly weapon Not today if you get treatment But what if someone doesn't like doctors What if they're afraid of doctors There's a lot of people that are afraid They're afraid to go to the doctor So if they don't go to the doctor HIV turns into AIDS They die of AIDS You fucking gave it to him man How is that not a felony Who would want to reduce that crime Who would want to reduce the crime Of knowingly exposing someone To a death dealing disease A disease that's killed untold hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people worldwide, right?

[1661] I mean, I don't know with the numbers, but it's probably millions, right?

[1662] Yeah.

[1663] Why would you do that?

[1664] Like, who's clamoring for that to be reduced?

[1665] Well, think about how many guys are, what do they call it, on the down low, where they go out and they have sex with men, get sick, and then have sex with their wives.

[1666] A lot of wives get AIDS.

[1667] Or HIV, right?

[1668] You get HIV.

[1669] Yeah.

[1670] Yeah, that's, that's one of those diseases where they essentially found a cure for it, right?

[1671] They have a treatment, and that treatment reduces it to the point where it's not even, you can't even detect it in the blood anymore.

[1672] Oh, it's that good.

[1673] Oh, yeah.

[1674] It's undetectable.

[1675] Like, Magic Johnson said that Jesus did it for him.

[1676] Jesus made my HIV go away.

[1677] Wow.

[1678] No longer detectable.

[1679] That is so cool.

[1680] It's bad magic Johnson accent.

[1681] It's horrible.

[1682] oppression.

[1683] But yeah, they literally have gotten into the point where it's undetectable.

[1684] What does it say number of deaths due to HIV AIDS estimates by country?

[1685] There was a million last year, but it has no data for United States.

[1686] Yeah.

[1687] See, the thing about that is, and this is how it's been explained to me, so I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong, the problem with this distinction, and this is one of the real problems with the way they used it to describe Africa.

[1688] They were saying all these people in Africa get AIDS and die well this doctor was telling me and he's completely off the record when he was telling me this because he's like a progressive very smart liberal guy he's like okay he goes what you're talking about is people with extremely compromised immune systems that's from a variety of different reasons he goes they're not getting HIV tests he goes these people in these really poor areas in Africa this is you know we're talking like early 2000s he's like, they're not giving these people HIV tests.

[1689] They're not flying to Africa and administering these expensive tests on these people.

[1690] He's like, these people have extremely compromised immune systems.

[1691] They check their T -cell count.

[1692] Their T -cell counts very low.

[1693] They're very unhealthy.

[1694] And so they say they have AIDS.

[1695] And that's how you get funding.

[1696] The way you get funding is you say there's a million cases of AIDS in Africa.

[1697] You don't get funding when you say there's a million cases of people who are malnourished, who have a host of horrific diseases.

[1698] It's unacceptable that we're trending to 50 % of African -American gay by men having HIV must end this health disparity.

[1699] Why are you pulling that?

[1700] Oh, that's Wiener.

[1701] That's the guy.

[1702] His name's Wiener, which is hilarious.

[1703] Another Wiener.

[1704] Another Wiener.

[1705] But unacceptable that we're trending to 50 % of African -American gay by men having HIV.

[1706] Meanwhile, he says must end this health disparity, and the best way to end it is to reduce the penalty from knowingly giving it to people.

[1707] What?

[1708] That's just...

[1709] Right.

[1710] I don't want to say that he has it, and he just wants to, like, make it a little easier on himself.

[1711] But it's, why would you do that?

[1712] Like, why would you want to reduce that?

[1713] Owen Benjamin had a great tweet about it.

[1714] Yeah, allow Charlie, something about allowing Charlie Sheen to, California is allowing Charlie Sheen to pay, have less of a penalty for having unprotected sex with unsuspecting young women, you fucking psychos or something like that.

[1715] Yeah.

[1716] Well, it's the, you know, the question is, can you legislate behavior?

[1717] Right.

[1718] Can you?

[1719] It's a tricky.

[1720] Can you leg, do you want to, right?

[1721] Do you want to legislate behavior?

[1722] Or do you want people to just be, like, but you have to punish people for, like, if you have some sort of an incurable disease, AIDS obviously is curable, or HIV is, right?

[1723] At least at this point, it's treatable.

[1724] Shouldn't be curable.

[1725] but if you have something like what would be okay like here's a perfect example remember when that woman came back from Africa and they suspected that she had been exposed to Ebola right people were freaking the fuck out because she was wandering around she's like I'm not I'm not gonna be quarantined fuck off and they're like this bitch is a monster right that's much more communicable than HIV is I guess but not much difference in terms of like what it can do and you're talking about something that kills people, right?

[1726] It's kind of the same thing in a lot of ways, but we tend to look past things that are sexually transmitted because, like, well, don't get fucked, you don't have any problems, you know, don't do anything that Jesus wouldn't want you to do and you don't have any issues.

[1727] What do you take it in the ass, you fucking piece of shit?

[1728] You're a horrible person.

[1729] Yeah.

[1730] No, it's like now where they're allowing companies to not have to cover women's birth control and it's like they want to shame people from having sex it's the same thing with you know not paying for abortions do you really think that's what it is I think orgasms are free and the the haves the fucking drives me crazy I don't think that's what it is I think it's a financial issue I think if you look behind it I bet there's probably insurance companies that are involved in this there's probably a lot of people that look if you have to pay or companies, like if a company has to pay for your employee's birth control pills and you have 100 ,000 employees, how many birth control pills are you paying for?

[1731] That's a lot of money.

[1732] I mean, and you go across the board.

[1733] And also you set a precedent.

[1734] If you have to pay for that, maybe you have to pay for something that comes along with similar for men or some other issue that women might have that has to be covered.

[1735] I think it's all financial.

[1736] Wouldn't it be expensive, though, to have women missing work for pregnancies?

[1737] Fire them, fuck them.

[1738] It's kind of a weird thing, right?

[1739] It's because if somebody works for you.

[1740] They don't just work for you, right?

[1741] We are assuming that person is dependent upon you.

[1742] It's one of the weirder things about employment.

[1743] It's like, that's not just someone who works for you.

[1744] You have to take care of that person.

[1745] You're supposed to provide them with insurance.

[1746] You're supposed to provide them with benefits.

[1747] You're supposed to allow them to, you know, take time off.

[1748] And it's a weird thing because we're like, we've settled into the idea that this person is completely dependent their employer you know I think um like this idea that if a woman has a child that you have to give her maternity leave or you have to pay her while she has the baby and that you have to maybe pay child support or some sort of child care while she has the baby the people really want that they want that it's part of it because people the way people live in this country in particular and we just assume that you have to live this way um Because we compare ourselves to people that live in like indigenous tribes or in third world countries where they don't have constant employment and they don't have high overhead, right?

[1749] Rent, bills, all the different things that we have.

[1750] But we have like this system set up where once you're in the system, once you start making that money, you need that money.

[1751] And when your kid comes, you can't just quit work.

[1752] Like no one does that anymore.

[1753] Like we don't think anyone should do that anymore.

[1754] We assume that woman is eventually going to go back to work.

[1755] So she's going to get a maternity leave because the company values her as an employee.

[1756] And then once she's done with her maternity leave, maybe there'll be some other sort of compensation or some sort of a – and she definitely won't be working any long hours or overtime anymore.

[1757] I've got to get home and take care of her kid.

[1758] That's the hidden thing in the whole argument against the financial, the difference in the amount of money, like income disparity between men and women.

[1759] but the big one, one of the big ones is the number of hours that women are willing to work.

[1760] There's a series of choices, right?

[1761] There's the jobs they gravitate towards.

[1762] There's the number of hours that they're willing to work.

[1763] There's taking time off when they have children.

[1764] And another one of the big ones is this is one that works sort of against them that doesn't get discussed when men are trying to say that the income inequality thing is all bullshit.

[1765] Women are not as good at negotiating for a better salary.

[1766] They're not as aggressive in negotiating for a better salary.

[1767] And even if they do just as good a job as the man, and that's the one area where they sort of seem to fall behind, where it's like a rational distinction that a woman is doing the same job as a man and not getting paid as well.

[1768] Because when you look at the income inequality between men and women, you know, it's like 77 cents on the dollar.

[1769] It's really not real.

[1770] It's not like they're working the same job next to each other.

[1771] You were telling me it's because men will work more dangerous jobs that tend to pay more.

[1772] Yeah, more dangerous jobs tend to pay more.

[1773] Men are much more likely to die on the job.

[1774] It's much more likely to get injured on the job.

[1775] There's a bunch of fields that men gravitate towards that are particularly just interesting and attractive to men that women don't gravitate towards.

[1776] And if they do, it's in lower numbers.

[1777] And obviously, these are gross generalizations because there's women who are MMA fighters, right?

[1778] A lot of them.

[1779] I mean, I see them all the time.

[1780] A lot of them are lesbians.

[1781] not a lot of them but a few so it's like people are you know you can't like just pigeonhole people you know there's a lot of men that are florists right there's you can't it's very difficult to just like say a man is this and a woman is that because there's trends obviously there's for sure trends right and to deny those trends seems to be this the state of discourse today people like to deny those trends and any accepting of those trends is some sort of accepting of this systematic oppression of women or systematic oppression of gay people or it's very weird in this that woman wrote that book lean in i think it was a lot about that like negotiate you know it shouldn't be mandated you should be able to go in and fight for your salary get a better salary fight for the corner office you know and don't don't wait for it to be handed to you because the patriarchal system is not going to suddenly just make things fair but is the patriarchal system real is there a patriarchal system.

[1782] Well, look at Harvey Weinstein.

[1783] I mean...

[1784] Okay, that's a different thing, because that's a power issue, right?

[1785] And when you have absolute power, like that guy had, and you're also a fat, ugly fuck, and you realize this is a way to get Gwyneth Paltrow to suck my dick.

[1786] You know, that's a unique situation, but also...

[1787] But I think the dynamic of it is that since men do, obviously, quantifiably have more power positions on the boards of companies and management partners that women are intimidated by that they're intimidated to go up against it i think there's also um a thing where women don't want to be a bitch right yeah they like men don't view a woman who's aggressive the same way they view a man as aggressive like if you and i are working in an office and you're like always hustling and getting ahead and always like fighting for what's yours like gregg's greg's an aggressive motherfucker he gets shit done.

[1788] Yeah.

[1789] But if a woman is doing the exact same thing, that fucking bitch, I don't want to be around her.

[1790] She's such a bitch.

[1791] You know, like a woman who exhibits the same sort of aggressive tendencies is, it's negative.

[1792] Yeah.

[1793] Whereas the guy's an ass kicker.

[1794] Right, right.

[1795] You know?

[1796] Do you remember who was the comic up in Boston who had that, he was like, every comic had one great joke.

[1797] And this guy's joke was, uh, behind every successful man is a woman and behind every successful woman of two guys calling her a lesbian.

[1798] Fuck, who was that?

[1799] Remember that guy who was kind of at, uh, wire room, glasses, he was a little bit chubby.

[1800] God damn.

[1801] Do you remember that joke, though?

[1802] I do remember it now that you said it.

[1803] I'm just trying to remember who the fuck.

[1804] Not Charlie.

[1805] God damn, who was that?

[1806] I want to give him a shout out if he's still doing it.

[1807] I always wonder about if guys like that are still doing it.

[1808] I wonder if they do do it, like they just do it every now and then, they have a job.

[1809] Right.

[1810] Like, if you have a regular job and you, like, go out on the weekends, do a Dick Dardy gig here and there.

[1811] Pick up 300 bucks over the weekend.

[1812] Sure.

[1813] Fuck it.

[1814] And fun.

[1815] Have a good time, too.

[1816] good time, get some free drinks.

[1817] Maybe if you're single, maybe you meet a one.

[1818] I mean, what better way to meet women than getting on stage for, you know, if these guys are doing 20 minutes or a half hour and they get off stage and mingle?

[1819] Yeah.

[1820] Better than fucking what, going to a beefsteak Charlie's standing at the bar looking at a rusted trombone on the wall.

[1821] Going 29, ordering some wings and a beer and looking around.

[1822] Creeping people out.

[1823] Ooh.

[1824] Hey, where you from?

[1825] What?

[1826] And for a man to try to stand out, such a grind for a guy to stand out.

[1827] That's why a guy's peacock, right?

[1828] You're wearing, like, big watches and rings and driving a fancy car, just trying to, bach, trying to peacock.

[1829] Trying to get everybody to look at you.

[1830] Because we're gross.

[1831] Oh, we're gross.

[1832] We're gross.

[1833] Women are beautiful.

[1834] You don't see statues of men.

[1835] You do.

[1836] Greek statues.

[1837] But they're men that don't look like us.

[1838] Yeah, a little different.

[1839] And maybe a little of that.

[1840] Maybe a little of that.

[1841] Somebody had a great joke the other day.

[1842] He was like the Greeks invented The difference between the Greeks and Italians The Greeks invented making love The Italians did it to women Well I was thinking when we were Italian guy of course told me that joke We were both in Italy last summer And it's like looking at those statues of the men And they're like They're fucking beautiful Like their abs are just perfect And then they have dicks And it's so weird Because if you had a statue That's that realistic in like the grove.

[1843] Right.

[1844] Some Christian would cloak it and they'd cart it off because it was too graphic.

[1845] Yeah.

[1846] And you've got to think like when you're the sculptor and you're putting that much effort where the dick has like a slightly bent shaft and you can see the crown and there's almost like a slit at the tip of the, it's like after a couple days you've got to look at the sculptor like, okay, we think he got it.

[1847] Yeah, there's a puddle of drool under him while he's carving out this cock.

[1848] He's got his hand on the balls.

[1849] while he's working on the shaft.

[1850] Well, here's what's interesting.

[1851] There's two different things that are interesting about dicks in those ancient Roman times.

[1852] One thing is that the original, the early days, they used to have just the cock hanging out, right?

[1853] Then there came a period of time where they started, because of some religious influence, they started covering them with leaves.

[1854] And that was like after the fact.

[1855] And they actually added leaves to some statues.

[1856] So there's dick under there?

[1857] Yeah, some of them.

[1858] Wow.

[1859] And then they started doing some statues where they put the leaf over the dick as they were constructing it.

[1860] But they did retrofit some statues for dicks.

[1861] But go back to that again real quick.

[1862] This pictures of the dicks.

[1863] Now here's what's interesting about these dicks.

[1864] You look at these guys and these big athletic -looking, like, wrestler characters, they all have little dicks.

[1865] And one of the reasons why they had little dicks is because in this time of, I mean, this is my interpretation of it, right?

[1866] And this is what, I had a really good professor that took us on a tour in Rome of the Vatican.

[1867] It was, we got super lucky.

[1868] Wow.

[1869] We hired a professor.

[1870] And he was fantastic.

[1871] And he loved that I knew a lot about ancient history, particularly like their use of drugs.

[1872] So like we were talking about the giant pine cone that's in the middle of the Vatican.

[1873] They have this outdoor area with a big pine cone.

[1874] And he goes, and he goes, do you know what that represents?

[1875] I go, that's the pineal gland.

[1876] And he goes, how do you know?

[1877] And then we started talking, and we started talking about, like, drugs and, you know, endogenous production of dimethylptamine and shit like that.

[1878] No shit.

[1879] And he and I, like, we fucking ignored my family.

[1880] We were holding hands and wandering through the Vatican together.

[1881] But as this guy was explaining that I go, why are their dicks all so little?

[1882] And he goes, that's a very good question.

[1883] And he said that a large dick was thought to be like a gross primitive thing.

[1884] like this like to have a large dick you were like a non -evolved thing and that when you think about how close these people were to cave people right like you're thinking about a thousand two thousand years ago right go back two thousand years before that and what the fuck do you have you know i mean you have ancient egypt and a few but you have essentially like small villages is 2 ,000 years before that, you don't have the wheel.

[1885] Okay?

[1886] So you're talking about the wheel, I believe, goes back somewhere around 5 ,500 years ago.

[1887] It's the first evidence of the wheel.

[1888] That is super recent, right?

[1889] So these people were essentially realizing that there's a better way.

[1890] Like now we have Rome.

[1891] We have sophistication.

[1892] We have art. We have culture.

[1893] We have music and wine.

[1894] And we're not going to go back to those big dick ways.

[1895] smashing heads and just fucking like wild animals and I think when they thought of like the barbarian hordes that would come and you know just fucking rape and pillage they probably thought those big fat juicy dicks were one of the reasons why they were so horrible and so base and vile and primitive and they had these big hogs and smashing skulls and raping and killing they were trying to move past that and one way that they tried to express that It was in their art. This sophisticated, incredibly anatomically correct art. And they all have these little tiny baby dicks.

[1896] And these baby dicks were supposed to represent like culture and sophistication.

[1897] Sort of like how a fat woman was supposed to represent like a woman who ate a lot, right?

[1898] There's a woman of culture, so they were attractive.

[1899] Like look at that guy.

[1900] He's built like Brock Lesner and he's got a dick like Pee Wee Herman.

[1901] Like look at that.

[1902] I don't know if Pee Wee Herman is a little dick.

[1903] I always thought it was because over time the dick must have.

[1904] just got knocked off and that's why they were so small no no they purposely represented these gigantic muscular men as having tiny penises which showed sophistication so they were almost in this like transitionary period of like the muscles were big the body was obviously like very primal you know they were they're obviously like very fit but they had these little tiny cocks and what they what they admired if that holds i wonder if that translates to the myth that the African -American man has a big penis goes to that.

[1905] First of all, it ain't a myth, pal.

[1906] You got news for you.

[1907] Yeah, but what do you watch them in porn movies?

[1908] Black .com.

[1909] There's a website.

[1910] It's called Blacked.

[1911] Really?

[1912] Yeah, there's a couple porn stars that I've followed on Twitter, and they'll just, like, post.

[1913] Like, that's the weird thing about Twitter.

[1914] Sometimes I'll forget that I follow porn stars, and I'm going through my Twitter feed and like, oh, there's a dick in an ass.

[1915] like just out of nowhere there's a girl like taking a hot one in the face like Twitter there's one of the things that I actually love about Twitter Twitter in a lot of ways is still wild you know I think they're trying to get a hold of it I'm trying to get Jack from Twitter the head guy on the podcast we've been going back and forth he's expressed some interest about it but a little trepidation he's a little worried about how to because they're trying to censor people But the people they're trying to censor are the people that are actively harassing people, the people that are using unwanted sexual advances and sending unwanted naked photos and things on those lines to people, right?

[1916] Upending elections.

[1917] That's a little different.

[1918] Here's something I thought was fascinating.

[1919] I fucking, I retweeted it and accidentally unretweeted it and then I couldn't find it.

[1920] I should never do things on my computer when it's like late at night and I'm barely paying attention.

[1921] Someone posted something that this person that was claiming they were from Rhode Island posted.

[1922] They're tweeting about Hillary Clinton.

[1923] It was like in response to something that Donald Trump had done recently that was fucked up.

[1924] And about Hillary and our deleted emails.

[1925] And they left their location on.

[1926] And it was Russia.

[1927] Oh, no. There's tons of that.

[1928] There's tons of that.

[1929] Yeah.

[1930] Like a lot of these unknown accounts, it was like Kevin underscore 2012 or something.

[1931] like that.

[1932] But a lot of these accounts where these people are attacking Hillary Clinton and supporting Trump and these like right wing talking points, we literally have to understand.

[1933] This isn't just a trope.

[1934] This isn't just like some weird talking points that Democrats keep using.

[1935] There are thousands and thousands of fake internet accounts that.

[1936] are designed to attack people that are supporting someone who's in opposition of their interests and to support someone who is on their side.

[1937] And these people, these online, whether they're real people or whether they're bots, they're all pro -Trump, all of them.

[1938] They're all pro -Trump and a lot of them are like stoking the racial tension because that helps Trump get elected.

[1939] Of course, of course.

[1940] And it's just, it's fascinating that people are denying this, you know, that a lot of people on the right are denying this and saying, oh, the Democrats are just, you know, whining and you lost, get over it.

[1941] I've seen a lot of that.

[1942] You lost get over it.

[1943] You've got to understand what's happening here.

[1944] You're not necessarily dealing with real discourse.

[1945] It's not really the right and the left communicating, stating each other's points, debating.

[1946] No, there's a bunch of people that don't have a fuck.

[1947] They're not even here.

[1948] and they're pretending that they're here and they're talking shit about the left and they're talking shit about Anthony Wiener or Hillary Clinton and they're not even necessarily real people they might be but they might just be people that they might just have scripts that they send out from hundreds of different accounts they might be looking for keywords like there's a weird information war going on right now and an influence war going on right now and there's a lot of people that don't want to admit it's real It's fucking 100 % real.

[1949] It's 100 % real.

[1950] I mean, Facebook has already gotten rid of thousands of accounts because they found that they were Russian accounts.

[1951] And the ads that were being taken out on Facebook were they tracked the money.

[1952] They were ads that were bought by Russian, I don't know if was the government or just the oligarchs, but they were purchasing ads on Facebook.

[1953] What is this?

[1954] The best Twitter tool?

[1955] This is one you can buy.

[1956] I just Googled real quick.

[1957] Tell me what this is?

[1958] It's all the stuff you can buy.

[1959] It's called tweet a tax person.

[1960] Pro .com is designed to run thousands of Twitter accounts at the same time, 24 -7 to auto -follow, unfollow, follow -back, tweet, retweet, reply, favorite, delete tweet, un -retweet, unfavorit, so they just do everything.

[1961] Every account can have its own setting, thus preventing Twitter from becoming suspicious about the account, plus the software can simulate human operation perfectly.

[1962] Exclamation point.

[1963] $7.

[1964] So you buy this for $7 and you just go on a goddamn Greg Fitzsimmons promoting rampage.

[1965] And notice at the bottom, the syntax, designed for everyone's need.

[1966] That's not an American writing that.

[1967] No. Not limited by the Twitter API because we don't use it, exclamation point.

[1968] Okay.

[1969] We should do an experiment.

[1970] We should buy that and see how much we can jack up your Twitter account.

[1971] I love it.

[1972] Like, what's your Twitter account at right now?

[1973] I don't know.

[1974] What's great Fitzsimmons, Fitzdog Radio on Twitter?

[1975] 80 -something thousand.

[1976] Not a lot.

[1977] Yeah, just under 85 ,000.

[1978] 85 ,000.

[1979] I wonder if we could get you up to like a quarter million in like a couple of months.

[1980] I could get up to a million probably by the end of the week.

[1981] Seriously?

[1982] A million.

[1983] A million by the end of the week.

[1984] That might get noticed, but they kind of spread it out a little bit.

[1985] Keep it down.

[1986] Keep it down.

[1987] I think that's, as long as we're really, open about what we're doing.

[1988] I think that would be really a fascinating experiment.

[1989] How do you do it?

[1990] Well, we use these things and then we buy you a bunch of fake accounts.

[1991] Right.

[1992] I mean, not fake accounts, fake followers.

[1993] We get, we just use it.

[1994] You can get fake followers, right?

[1995] How does that work?

[1996] Like, I checked the other day how many of my followers were fake.

[1997] I swear to God, it was the exact same feeling I had when I took an HIV test in 93.

[1998] I was like, ooh, here we go.

[1999] I kind of enjoy looking at the number of followers I have if I found out there.

[2000] They were all Russian bots.

[2001] Not mine was almost all real.

[2002] But the number that the president has is like 50%.

[2003] Like 50 % fake accounts.

[2004] I wonder if he did that.

[2005] I wonder if he hired or if they just follow him because he's the president.

[2006] And it's a good thing to have like a fake account following the president, especially these Russian troll accounts.

[2007] I think this came up, I feel like the first time when John Kerry was running against Obama and they found out they did like a Twitter audit on his account and found out he had a recent influx of like a million followers on his account and they seemed like what did he do it or did someone do it to him well I think people if I was running a campaign and I was already a sleazy piece of shit running a presidential campaign or some sort of political campaign you got to think they're going to use every tool at their disposal of course that's what they do right when they they muckrake and they fucking go after people and pull out some shit from their past and make up some shit about their past and use every influence they have like look I think it's a good thing that we found out that Donald Trump's the kind of guy that wants to talk about hey just grab him by the pussy you know it's good that we know oh this is how he really talks and behaves but make no mistake about it that came about through dirty pool like they they went and searched and did their best and they're like no people that work at access Hollywood or wherever and they tried to find out you know what do we got what do we got on it we got to get something what can I give you you give me this unless I'm not going to record her and I was talking about grabbing pussy oh Bobby if you can get me that I will get something for you yeah I mean this is all like how these people do this if you don't think that they would get fake accounts you're crazy yeah no I know a lot of comedians that have done that that have built up to because club owners look at that shit oh yeah for sure before they book you and come up with how much they're going to pay you they quantify you yeah like what do you think what do you think we'd have to do to get Greg up to a million.

[2008] What do you have to do?

[2009] Let me see what this is.

[2010] You got to talk to the microphone.

[2011] I listened to the podcast recently, and sometimes you...

[2012] I have it off, because I have the mic, off sometimes.

[2013] I know, I understand.

[2014] I know, I understand.

[2015] It makes extra sounds over here.

[2016] Let me see what this says.

[2017] But I was listening to it, and I couldn't understand a word you're saying.

[2018] I will get up on the mic more on.

[2019] They get up on that bitch.

[2020] I'll try to eat it.

[2021] Leis Ayat eats that shit.

[2022] I don't know.

[2023] I don't see exactly on this particular one.

[2024] This one wants you to pay a fee per month.

[2025] There's other ones you can pay, like, a one -time fee and whatever you're asking to happen will just happen over just happen a couple days it doesn't happen instantly but i've seen a couple of youtube videos doing what you're describing they did it to an employee of theirs without telling them like watch your instagram account anything interesting happened today and like you're like i got 2 ,000 new likes today i usually get 20 it's and he sort of felt like popular or whatever he didn't know what was going on yeah get excited yeah yeah i wonder what we get you up to fuck give me a budget and i can figure it out that'd be cool we'll give you a budget okay what do you think how much we need to spend 100 bucks 500 bucks 500 bucks could do a lot there's a I know a girl who did that and she went from like 30 ,000 followers to a million on Instagram do you want to also bump up your like Spotify numbers or your YouTube numbers or anything like that because you can do that as well well maybe Instagram the girl who did it on Instagram the way they found out people it was not in our business it's in another business but the way they found out that she was doing it was because the amount of likes that she got was the same the amount of like likes or images got the amount of comments they it remained the same oh it didn't go up as the numbers went up right wasn't proportional right like if you see a like if you put something up on like okay let's for instance that picture that we put of you when we first started this podcast all right we did that you know a couple of hours ago right and we'll go to it right now and it has 17 ,913 live likes and 257 comments.

[2026] That means that's normal.

[2027] That makes sense.

[2028] Right.

[2029] It's like a photo of a funny comedian, first episode on a new podcast.

[2030] Oh, there you go.

[2031] There it is right there.

[2032] Look at you, you sexy bitch.

[2033] I put up yours, the picture of you doing the exact same pose, 2048.

[2034] But that all makes sense.

[2035] So now if you have, what's going on with you with the other one, with you and the dentist?

[2036] What was that photo?

[2037] Oh, I just got my wisdom tooth pulled out the other day.

[2038] Oh, no, you didn't.

[2039] Oh, Jesus.

[2040] Yeah, look at that.

[2041] Is that it in his hand?

[2042] Yeah.

[2043] Oh, God, dude.

[2044] What happened?

[2045] Was it getting impacted?

[2046] No, I, uh, it had a filling in it, and I guess I've, uh...

[2047] Cracked?

[2048] You will, you know, I have ADHD.

[2049] So the doctor gives, to the last, like, seven or eight years I've been on, like, riddlin.

[2050] And it makes me grind my teeth, and I ground my, uh, I ground my, uh, uh, a cold, uh, crack into my wisdom tooth.

[2051] Jesus Christ, dude.

[2052] So he went in with some pliers, and it took like two seconds.

[2053] I thought he was going to be like, you know, I thought he'd have like his foot on my forehead and sweating and pulling it.

[2054] He just went in, popped it out, I threw some gauze on it.

[2055] I did three shows that night.

[2056] No way.

[2057] No problem.

[2058] Really?

[2059] Some people have like a week -long bad reaction to it.

[2060] I got lucky.

[2061] Nothing.

[2062] Just popped right out.

[2063] No. And so what do they do now?

[2064] They put a, like, a crown in there or something?

[2065] No. It's a wisdom tooth.

[2066] They just leave it out.

[2067] Oh, no shit?

[2068] Yeah.

[2069] So it's got like a, but you have to keep rinsing with salt water.

[2070] Otherwise, you get a...

[2071] Infection.

[2072] A dry hole or something, they call it.

[2073] It's like a rotting...

[2074] Because your bone underneath is exposed.

[2075] Because you need a blood clot to get in there.

[2076] And if the blood clot doesn't form, then your bone is exposed, and your breath apparently becomes like a fucking nightmare.

[2077] And you get an infection, and you'll get a pain all the way through your ear.

[2078] And it happens to, like, 5 % of people to get their wisdom.

[2079] tooth taken out.

[2080] Do you know that people that get mouth infections oftentimes get heart attacks because of them?

[2081] I've heard that.

[2082] Yeah.

[2083] What the fuck, man?

[2084] You would think you just have bad breath.

[2085] Yeah.

[2086] No, you could die.

[2087] Dude, what do you do when somebody you know well has bad breath?

[2088] Tell them.

[2089] Do you?

[2090] Have you done that?

[2091] Yes.

[2092] No way.

[2093] Tell me too.

[2094] Yeah, tell me. I'll tell you.

[2095] My breath stinks sometimes.

[2096] I drink a lot of coffee.

[2097] That's my downfall.

[2098] Mine as well.

[2099] You also have to brush your tongue, man. What is it is?

[2100] Got to brush your tongue.

[2101] You could buy an account that had 240 ,000 plus followers that's over five years old for 150 bucks.

[2102] Oh, but that's a whole account.

[2103] Taking over the account, but when you switch the name, your followers wouldn't know the difference.

[2104] There's an account I was following.

[2105] It must have been some meme account.

[2106] I just noticed that it switched to like booty picks or something like that.

[2107] I was like, when did I start following like at booty?

[2108] Right, but that's not good for Greg.

[2109] It would be the same thing.

[2110] Instead of having 85 ,000, like tomorrow he will have to have.

[2111] 250 ,000.

[2112] Yeah, but they wouldn't be the same followers, right?

[2113] I think it blends them together.

[2114] Oh, so he adds those followers?

[2115] It's weird what happens when that goes down.

[2116] So he would add an additional 250 ,000 followers, so 240 ,000 followers?

[2117] I'm into that.

[2118] Strange shit going on with that.

[2119] Apparently, when you eat a ketogenic diet, which I'm on, it's like a low carb, high fat diet, it makes your breath smell like fucking shit oh yeah yeah so i'm pretty cognizant of that i'm i'm pretty aware i was it a lot of meat take yeah yeah because the meat doesn't digest just fast it's just fat burning see i did your body burns fat as a fuel instead of protein or excuse me instead of carbohydrates yeah like uh the standard american diet we eat a lot of refined carbohydrates breads pastas things on those lines and what i try to do is lean to a much more uh fat -based diet a lot of coconut a lot of avocado, meat, things along those lines.

[2120] I don't have very much carbs.

[2121] My carb intake is pretty low, except when I go off the rails.

[2122] I go off the rails like maybe once a week or so.

[2123] I'll have like pasta or something like that.

[2124] You know, not pizza.

[2125] I haven't had pizza in a while.

[2126] That's my super off the rails food.

[2127] That's when you're in New York for a couple days.

[2128] I'll eat a full pizza.

[2129] Yeah.

[2130] And then just feel like a fucking slob.

[2131] Yeah.

[2132] It's amazing what I'm willing to do for mouth pleasure, just for that, it's like an orgasm.

[2133] It tastes and then you just feel like shit for hours.

[2134] Yeah.

[2135] Like the taste only lasts for like 20 minutes.

[2136] But so what?

[2137] I'm willing to sacrifice hours of health.

[2138] Well, what do you sacrifice for an orgasm?

[2139] When you're single, the amount of booze that you'll buy a girl and conversation you'll listen to and...

[2140] Yeah, but that doesn't have a downside.

[2141] All for a 10 second orgasm.

[2142] The only downside is you fuck someone you don't really like and then you have to talk to them afterwards like, oh, those brutal days.

[2143] Right.

[2144] You know what the most brutal move was ever when I was young and stupid?

[2145] You would go on a vacation with a girl that you didn't really know that well.

[2146] Or invite her to come out with you on the road.

[2147] Like, hey, I'm working in Philadelphia this weekend.

[2148] Yeah.

[2149] And Uncle Chuckles, fuckerfest, fucking.

[2150] And you would have them come with you.

[2151] And, you know, an hour after you came, you couldn't deal with them.

[2152] Yeah.

[2153] You were just like, I can't believe I did this.

[2154] Like, you thought it was the perfect.

[2155] idea we'll get together we'll have some fun I'll take her to dinner we'll have she can come to see my shows and back then man like people didn't have cell phones so you were like on top of each other and didn't have anything to do no distractions yeah right you got you got cable TV and you're gluing into that if you even had cable if you're on the road you a lot of times you're staying in like back then you're staying in these terrible hotels right you didn't have any money so you're staying in some bullshit ass hotel with like three channels that you could watch it's like one restaurant some shitty deli and you're you have nothing in common with the person you just had sex with zero that's when you just start drinking that leads to the fight there's a bus stop involved there's a fucking trailway station involved it's crazy you know thinking about like finding someone that you are compatible with that you also want to fuck yeah yeah because those are two totally different things.

[2156] Like, you could find someone that you have amazing conversation with, but you have zero sexual attraction to them.

[2157] So you have to find a combo.

[2158] You have to find someone that you're sexually attracted to, but you really enjoy them as a human being talking to.

[2159] And sometimes those are just not the same things.

[2160] Like, especially for guys, I guess it must be that way for girls.

[2161] Obviously, I can't speak for them.

[2162] But when you're a guy and you meet a girl, like, who's got a little waist and big tits and a big ass, you're willing to put up with a lot of non.

[2163] And you don't even notice.

[2164] You're not even putting up with it.

[2165] You're so fascinated by the looks that the whatever she's saying is just kind of flowing through.

[2166] All right.

[2167] You're in a bar together.

[2168] She's talking nonsense.

[2169] But then she puts her claws on your back and just rakes them down a little bit and squeezes you a little.

[2170] And you're like, yeah, later.

[2171] The promise of pleasure.

[2172] Yeah.

[2173] She put her claws on me, bro.

[2174] She gave me the back scratch.

[2175] You're like, you know what's going to happen eventually, you know?

[2176] Yeah.

[2177] And she's like, I need my drink.

[2178] I need my drink.

[2179] drink, you have to get me my...

[2180] What would an annoying chick drink?

[2181] Like, I have sex on the beach.

[2182] Yeah.

[2183] Oh my God, I have to have a Long Island iced tea.

[2184] I need my Long Island iced tea.

[2185] I need it.

[2186] Then she drinks half of it, or a few sips.

[2187] Pounds it.

[2188] That's better.

[2189] Yeah.

[2190] Oh, yeah, it drinks a few sips and just leaves it there.

[2191] Yeah.

[2192] Yeah, I hardly ever eat.

[2193] She orders a fucking lobster, eats one claw.

[2194] Well, there's some girls who don't like to eat in front of men.

[2195] Yeah.

[2196] They don't like, you, first of all, they don't want to be judged by you eating, by them eating in front of you.

[2197] They don't want you judging, look at how much she's eating.

[2198] This is disgusting.

[2199] She's going to be a big cow when she gets older.

[2200] What could I eat?

[2201] She's just fucking shoveling in her face.

[2202] I can't afford the upkeep of keeping up with this fucking food dispenser.

[2203] She's going to take a giant shit in my apartment.

[2204] Oh, my God.

[2205] What if a girl, like, has to shit, but tries to hold it in?

[2206] She doesn't want you to know I had a buddy of mine And he had a Like a one bedroom Not even a one bedroom It's like a studio And the bathroom Was right beside the bed It was just like Right over there And he was dating this girl And she just went in there And just wrecked it Just wrecked his bathroom And she would do it Like every time she came over She would just go in there And wreck his bathroom And he was She's always complaining about it.

[2207] He didn't know what to do.

[2208] He's like, dude, it's just such a boner killer.

[2209] Dude, I would show her right to the door.

[2210] The first time that happened, as she came out of the bathroom, I'd take her arm gently and say it's time for you to go.

[2211] Okay, but what do you do?

[2212] What do you do if you have to shit?

[2213] Like, what if you go over a girl's house and she lives in a studio apartment?

[2214] You go, you go take a walk.

[2215] You go to a McDonald's or something.

[2216] Yeah, I'll be right back.

[2217] I'll have something in my car and you go shit in the bushes.

[2218] You go shit in the bushes.

[2219] San Francisco, you go right on the sidewalk.

[2220] And I get a shit, I mean, even with my wife, like, I, I close the door, I hide the shit.

[2221] She doesn't care.

[2222] Door open.

[2223] Sits with her legs crossed.

[2224] You hear him taking a dump.

[2225] It's just so discouraging.

[2226] Oh, it's such a bummer.

[2227] That echo from the fart before the shit comes up.

[2228] Plop.

[2229] And you're like, no, I got to go.

[2230] Erase, erase bad memory.

[2231] Why?

[2232] It's so weird.

[2233] It's weird.

[2234] We know everyone shits.

[2235] It's like, why is it so disturbing to us?

[2236] Like, we have this idealized image of, like, some movie woman, you know, and when it doesn't turn out to be that way.

[2237] It turns out to be she's an actual human who shits, like, regular people.

[2238] Yeah.

[2239] We're so discouraged.

[2240] So sad.

[2241] So upset.

[2242] It is weird when I see certain beautiful women.

[2243] I remind myself that they shit, and I can't, I can't process it.

[2244] I go, no, she doesn't.

[2245] She can't.

[2246] It's such a stupid thing.

[2247] Oh, yeah, giant dumps.

[2248] She probably never really wipes good.

[2249] It's probably a disaster.

[2250] She just gives up halfway and starts drinking.

[2251] She does one wipe no matter what.

[2252] That's her fallacy.

[2253] She's probably got a flask right there sitting on the bowl.

[2254] Doesn't even look.

[2255] One wipe doesn't inspect, just drops it.

[2256] No, we got here.

[2257] One of those Japanese toilets that has a button.

[2258] You press a button and shoots water up your ass.

[2259] Yeah?

[2260] Yeah, it cleans you up.

[2261] Wow.

[2262] Is that the one that's going to have the flotation tank in it?

[2263] No, no, it's the one over here.

[2264] Oh.

[2265] Right there.

[2266] Got two of those here.

[2267] Love it.

[2268] Got two of those things here.

[2269] What temperature is the water, though?

[2270] It's warm.

[2271] It's nice.

[2272] It's always warm.

[2273] It's warm.

[2274] I need to go there.

[2275] Before I leave, I don't even have to shit.

[2276] Just force yourself.

[2277] Yeah.

[2278] Well, that's the thing.

[2279] If you shoot that water up your asshole, you will have to shit.

[2280] Oh, you do it before?

[2281] No, you can if you want to.

[2282] Yeah.

[2283] I mean, if you just want to sit there and press the button, it doesn't know whether or not you shit.

[2284] Yeah.

[2285] It's not like Greg.

[2286] Why do you want me to shoot water on your ass?

[2287] You haven't even taken a shit, Greg.

[2288] This is illogical.

[2289] Open the door, Hal.

[2290] You ever have a day that's so fucking dull?

[2291] I had one yesterday where you feel a shit coming and you get excited.

[2292] Something to do.

[2293] It's something to do.

[2294] And then you shit.

[2295] And it feels good.

[2296] I'm not going to lie to you.

[2297] That might sound gay or whatever.

[2298] But a big hard shit coming out of my ass.

[2299] Yeah.

[2300] It feels enjoyable.

[2301] It's good to relief.

[2302] chemicals are released in your body.

[2303] Oh, for sure.

[2304] Anybody denies that.

[2305] I don't want to talk to them.

[2306] Yeah.

[2307] I don't have time.

[2308] I have time to talk to you about that.

[2309] Yeah.

[2310] But if a woman tells you that, would you get upset?

[2311] If a woman's like, oh, I love taking a good fat shit.

[2312] This is something about taking a shit.

[2313] It feels so good.

[2314] You're bummed out, right?

[2315] Well, it would mean that she's up for ass play.

[2316] Would it be?

[2317] Yeah, it means that she's got a sensitive anus.

[2318] Are you?

[2319] Absolutely.

[2320] You ready to take one in the asshole?

[2321] Not a dick.

[2322] But like a pencil or something.

[2323] Let's see a baby stips.

[2324] What about a fingernail with a coke nail on it?

[2325] Dude, I had a girl do that.

[2326] She was blowing me. Wow.

[2327] Way back when in Boston this chick, she was a Guido from Revere.

[2328] And I think I met her with you, as a matter of fact.

[2329] We were doing like a cable access show in Revere.

[2330] Yes.

[2331] And it was like two hot chicks working there.

[2332] Didn't Todd Parker do that with us, too?

[2333] I probably.

[2334] And Larry Rapucci?

[2335] Yeah, yeah.

[2336] yeah that sounds like the lineup but we met these two girls and the girl i met she had on she just had on like a college sweatshirt when i met her hair was up in a potato chip clip and you know the leggings and the high top white rebox oh yeah that look oh yeah the velcro rebocs they were popular aerobic shoes remember so i ask her out and then she goes um she goes okay and uh and we drive she picks me up my car was broken so i go well you pick me up and we're going to go to do a gig in Rhode Island.

[2337] She's like, all right.

[2338] Wow.

[2339] So I go down to Kenmore Square.

[2340] She's going to pick me up at Kenmore Square.

[2341] A fucking white Corvette pulls up.

[2342] This is not what I expected.

[2343] Hair is now done.

[2344] It's fucking up.

[2345] It's touching the top of the car.

[2346] Nails are done.

[2347] She got on a hot little dress.

[2348] And I'm like, sweetie, we're going to a fucking roadhouse in Narragansett, Rhode Island.

[2349] And I get in her car and we drive down and we get to the club early and we start fooling around and she sucks my dick before the show this like we haven't even had dinner yet sucks my dick takes her finger sticks it up my ass during the blowjob but the fingernail is like a claw and it scraped the inside of my ass and it blood i had blood on the toilet paper when i went to the bathroom later that night it's like what were you thinking she's an animal she started putting it in i've i opened up i didn't let it go i wasn't thinking about the nail did she lick her finger first or she could just go dry she did that porn drool thing on the tip of her finger yeah she just had the spit come off in a big line cobweb line right right uh and then uh oh and then we went into the club and it was like this it was like a roadhouse just like in the middle of nowhere there was this just boxy kind of a room.

[2350] Was that a Brian Deary gig?

[2351] Oh, yeah.

[2352] Yes.

[2353] And we go in, and I was doing this joke.

[2354] You probably remember it.

[2355] It was one of my standard jokes back then of like the, actually, I don't even remember, but it was about the sign no radio in car.

[2356] Oh, right.

[2357] People used to have those signs because they didn't want someone breaking in their car and stealing the radio.

[2358] Yeah.

[2359] So I had a joke about how I had that, and that somebody then broke into my car, and they took the sign or something, they took the radio and the sign, whatever it was.

[2360] And somebody yelled out, it was probably a, and he said, N -word.

[2361] Whoa.

[2362] And I went, what?

[2363] And I said, what?

[2364] Like, I repeated it to make them say, like, as if to shame them.

[2365] Right, right.

[2366] And then somebody else on the other side of the crowd goes, he said, it was probably an N -word.

[2367] I was like, all right, let's wrap this one up.

[2368] And I see her laughing.

[2369] Like the N -word.

[2370] Yeah.

[2371] She thinks it's hilarious.

[2372] She thinks it's great.

[2373] Hilarious.

[2374] She's sucking that finger that she had in your asshole.

[2375] And so she drove me back.

[2376] She drove back to Boston.

[2377] And at that time, I was still a, I was a banquet waiter in the morning.

[2378] So I used to have to wake up at like 4 .30 in the morning and go down to the Marriott and Koppi place and set up coffee stations for these fucking conventions.

[2379] I remember this story.

[2380] And so I get in the car to drive home.

[2381] I fucking fall asleep in the car.

[2382] in her corvette as she drives me home and then I get out at my house and I go to kiss her good night and she just looks at me and she goes don't ever fucking call me again wow and I just lift in the door yeah whoa that's it she's angry that you called she was angry that I fell asleep that was it she picked me up drove me blew me and then I just passed out wow I passed out because she blew me that's what I do but how funny is that don't ever call me again you slept yeah like that that's what did it she washed her corvette not the N word not the finger in the ass like all those are acceptable yeah sucking your dick like moments after meeting you all that's normal you know the horrible food i'm sure they served that gig she probably had some mozzarella sticks they were hard as a rock how funny is that that was all fine you falling asleep pissed her off Yeah.

[2383] But people don't like that when they're driving and you don't talk to them.

[2384] Yeah.

[2385] And you just pass out.

[2386] Yeah.

[2387] Good question.

[2388] We're losing power.

[2389] Uh -oh.

[2390] It's getting dark.

[2391] Now it's back.

[2392] That's so strange.

[2393] What a stupid thing to have set up?

[2394] Like four times yesterday.

[2395] Did they set that up on purpose?

[2396] Yeah, we need to switch that out.

[2397] I got to say for the first show, it's gone very smoothly.

[2398] Oh, yeah.

[2399] I mean, we have a few hiccups that we need to deal with.

[2400] I thought the echo was going to be an issue, but it seems like it's just those microphones that was the echo, right?

[2401] It is, right?

[2402] because it doesn't sound any different than me I like the purple behind you it's fetching it's very good for your skin tone let me say put me up on the oh yeah I like that it's a nice change you know and the only reason and all honestly we want with purples because the guy was doing it said I couldn't find red the first time so I'm going to look at this new place I said well what do you got and he said well there's a lot of the cars I go you got purple and he goes oh we can get purple I'm like let's go with purple fuck it purple is the ancient color of royalty.

[2403] Is it?

[2404] Yeah, Jesus, there was a lot of...

[2405] It was always a symbol of Jesus, purple, because it meant, it meant, you know, the royals.

[2406] I didn't know that.

[2407] Yeah.

[2408] Hmm.

[2409] It's a beautiful color.

[2410] It's flowers, right?

[2411] It's like tulips and shit.

[2412] There we go.

[2413] Royalty in Europe, since the time that the Roman emperors wore a...

[2414] Tyrion?

[2415] Tyrion purple.

[2416] Purpua.

[2417] Hmm.

[2418] Toga, prae...

[2419] Wow.

[2420] P -R -A -E -T -E -X -T -A.

[2421] How do you say that?

[2422] Pretexta?

[2423] Pretexta?

[2424] Purple has been the color most associated with royalty.

[2425] The British royal family and other European royalties still use it as a ceremonial color on special occasions.

[2426] What is that plant?

[2427] Is that some purple cabbage or some shit?

[2428] I'm sure it's cauliflower.

[2429] cauliflower.

[2430] Pretty, pretty, pretty color.

[2431] Purple, I was associated with prints.

[2432] That's right.

[2433] There you go.

[2434] That was one of the biggest bummers from me of, like, celebrity deaths.

[2435] Prince was one of the all -time biggest.

[2436] That's amazing.

[2437] I was talking to, because when Tom Petty died, that one really...

[2438] That was a hard one, too.

[2439] That was a hard one because he was such the fucking soundtrack of our teen years.

[2440] And older years.

[2441] I mean, Free Fallen when I was in my 30s and, like, his songs continued.

[2442] But somehow Prince, who didn't have...

[2443] You couldn't name more than three Prince songs.

[2444] And yet most people can't Yeah, I was a dude Really?

[2445] Yeah, Prince played a big part in my late teen life Wow Yeah, I was a huge Purple Rain time Controversy, even before that Yeah I was a fan of Prince from his first cassette When it was just him With no shirt on On the cover looking very androgynous Like there was no one like him before I remember seeing that cover somewhere And going, what the fuck is this?

[2446] like what is this guy and then I heard some of the songs I don't even remember what the big hits were off of the first one this is pre -purple rain though but I remember controversy da -na da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da Controversy remember that song?

[2447] do I believe in God do I believe in me some people want to die so they can be free Controversy that's it that's the cover oh yeah look at that look at him just a little tiny patch of hair in the middle of his chest no but but my point being for not knowing a big catalog of his music it did mean a lot to me he was what was that released in the 70s really what does it say 79 wow released in 1979 October 19th wow real close to today real close to today real close to today 79, almost 40 years ago.

[2448] Wow, that's crazy.

[2449] That's crazy.

[2450] More of an impact on you than Bowie?

[2451] Yeah, for me. Yeah.

[2452] I mean, I was a big Bowie fan too.

[2453] But the thing about Prince that was harder than Bowie for me was that Bowie died of a disease, right?

[2454] Yeah.

[2455] Didn't he?

[2456] Yeah, he had, was it cancer?

[2457] I think he had some type of cancer.

[2458] Prince died from painkillers.

[2459] Yeah.

[2460] That's what drove me nuts.

[2461] It's like that goddamn fentanyl.

[2462] They found fentanyl in his body.

[2463] And I remember thinking at the time, like, God damn it.

[2464] I can't believe these fucking pills got prints.

[2465] That was the Michael Jackson drug too, right?

[2466] No, no, no, no. Michael Jackson died.

[2467] Yeah, he died from anesthesia.

[2468] He was so fucked up that before he died, he couldn't sleep, so he would get anesthetized.

[2469] Just stop and think about how many demons you have to have where Ambien doesn't work anymore.

[2470] Yeah.

[2471] The amazing thing is he would get up out of that, and they said he was the first guy on the set, choreographing his own shit, rehearsing harder than anybody.

[2472] Well, I wonder when he started doing that.

[2473] No, his last tour, he was like that.

[2474] He was preparing for his final tour, and he was working his fucking balls off.

[2475] Wow.

[2476] Yeah.

[2477] You can't do that very long, apparently.

[2478] apparently that's part of the problem was that stuff it limits your REM sleep yeah which is by the way one of the biggest things that's been happened to me since not smoking pot for all these days all these many many moons 16 days that what we said 17 days the dreams are way different like way different like intense dreams like I have weird dreams man like they're very vivid.

[2479] And I never thought about that before.

[2480] Are they the same, same dreams over and over again?

[2481] No, not at all.

[2482] But they're very vivid.

[2483] Like, way more vivid than when I was smoking pot on the time.

[2484] Wow.

[2485] Like, way more.

[2486] Because you think you're in a deeper REM cycle?

[2487] I've heard things, but I don't know what it is.

[2488] Jamie, pull up that, see if you can find out what it is.

[2489] What's the cause?

[2490] Before, I thought I had to do with the alpha waves state that marijuana puts you in a little.

[2491] I don't know if that's...

[2492] Does that make sense?

[2493] A little bit.

[2494] Because you can't...

[2495] Your body isn't at rest or your brain isn't at rest while it's doing the alpha.

[2496] You need beta waves, I think, for rest.

[2497] I don't know what it is, but whatever the fuck it is.

[2498] When you don't smoke pot, when you smoke pot all the time for years and then you don't smoke pot, you have some fucking dreams, baby.

[2499] Woo!

[2500] Like, they're intense.

[2501] Like, sometimes I wake up to pee and I go, what the fuck is going on in my head?

[2502] Wow.

[2503] Like, weird, crazy dreams.

[2504] Like, being in a plane where it...

[2505] comes really close to hitting a mountain and the next thing you know you're hanging on the ledge of a building and the next thing you know you're running through the woods and next thing you know you you know it's fucking freezing cold and you're trying to stay warm and you've got a fire going yeah kind of fucking wacky primal dreams am i going through here that's awesome it's very weird because i'm i'm waking up and i'm just like it's not like i wake up and i'm scared I wake up going, what the fuck am I doing?

[2506] Studies on cannabis and sleep were conducted in 1970s.

[2507] Some information about the possible effects of cannabis and sleep.

[2508] Low dose of THC, 4 to 20 milligrams, mildly decreased REM sleep in both regular users and non -users.

[2509] Interestingly, deep sleep was increased when cannabis was initially used, but this effect disappeared after repeated use.

[2510] with high doses of THC, 50 to 210 milligrams, now stop and think about Lee Syed, I'd eaten 500.

[2511] Yeah, right.

[2512] And that's edible, which is way different.

[2513] REM sleep was decreased in both regular users and non -users.

[2514] Total sleep time was not affected, but deep sleep was decreased.

[2515] When THC was stopped, some rebound in REM sleep was found with reduced sleep time and increased time to fall asleep.

[2516] Now, this is interesting because what I want to know that some people do have withdrawal symptoms when stopping prolonged and heavy use of cannabis and this can adversely affect sleep.

[2517] I didn't have any withdrawal symptoms.

[2518] Zero, none, not one.

[2519] But what's interesting to me is I wonder if there's any benefit to not having those dreams rather versus not having those dreams.

[2520] Like I wonder if in some way I'm doing myself a disservice by smoking pot all the time.

[2521] I wonder there's like, you know, is there like a point of diminishing returns about, because like there's a lot of benefits for cannabis, right?

[2522] There's a lot of benefits in terms of the anti -inflammatory effects.

[2523] There's neuroprotective effects of cannabis that they found, that regular users, like, they think it might actually like hold off Alzheimer's in some people.

[2524] But I wonder, you know, what's the, what's the balance?

[2525] Because I'm really, I've never really considered that it was an issue at all.

[2526] I always felt like there was zero health, like, negative.

[2527] health effects of using it for me personally i'm like i get my blood work done regularly i'm healthy i eat really well i take a lot of vitamins i exercise regularly and i like pot so i smoke pot and obviously it's not hurting me it's not like people drink all the time and fuck up their liver and their body and but now i'm wondering doesn't affect your memory you have a great memory it's pretty good maybe it'd be better maybe you know essentially what do you got here jimmy the longer article about alcohol and marijuana effects on sleep, but this is the marijuana part.

[2528] Oh, okay.

[2529] What does it say?

[2530] Furthermore, it can increase slow wave N -R -E -M -deep deep sleep, which is good because that's where experts believe most of your actual recuperation takes place.

[2531] However, as you continue to consume, your slow -wave sleep will get severely reduced.

[2532] Reducing the restfulness of your sleep is supposed to provide.

[2533] Reducing, rather, the restfulness your sleep is supposed to provide.

[2534] Hmm.

[2535] So, but here's the thing like what if I get high during the day like why is it affecting my sleep at night that's what's confusing because it's not like I get high a lot at night sometimes me and the missiles will smoke a little before I give her something like that nice yeah sure feels better that way you punch her you smoke pot on it no that's the fuck oh wow that's a hard fuck that's why I'm scared if Christy Blinkety's too old she can't take it anymore I told you to duck Christy I don't want her to bleed like your butthole did that day.

[2536] A couple days.

[2537] You know, if you have sex with someone, they start breaking.

[2538] That's not good.

[2539] But I'm wondering.

[2540] I'm wondering, like, I need to know.

[2541] I want to find out, like, what's the...

[2542] I'm going to start looking into this now.

[2543] Now, is that different than that stuff that...

[2544] CBDs?

[2545] Yeah, very different.

[2546] Yeah, very different.

[2547] Is it possible?

[2548] Yeah, CBDs don't have psychoactive.

[2549] I disagree.

[2550] No, I know what you're talking about.

[2551] You're talking about that Charlotte's Web.

[2552] Yes.

[2553] See, that shit gets me high.

[2554] Yeah, see, it doesn't get me high.

[2555] But I'm not sure if we have the same, obviously we have the same, don't have the same body.

[2556] You know, like what affects you, you know, food -wise and everybody's different when it comes to that stuff.

[2557] But Charlotte's Web has a bunch of other cannabinoids.

[2558] It's not just CBD.

[2559] and that's one of the more beneficial aspects of it is that stuff, it uses the full plant.

[2560] So maybe CBD wouldn't get you high, but maybe that kind of hemp oil, more comprehensive, cannabis oil would get you high.

[2561] That's interesting to get you high.

[2562] Like, how high?

[2563] Nice high.

[2564] Mellow.

[2565] More like takes the anxiety out and makes me just really, it's really nice at the end of the day, around 5 o 'clock when you're re -entering the family.

[2566] maybe you have um maybe some of that anxiety is coming from inflammation and maybe what it's doing is reducing inflammation and relaxing you yeah that's what i would guess yeah because it doesn't make people test positive for THC so like if you had a company and you're working for them i don't want to get anybody fired but i'm pretty sure they've tested this stuff and if you had a company and you're working for them and you know they piss test you and if you're taking like charlotte's webble I don't think it does anything to you.

[2567] I don't think it shows up.

[2568] Right.

[2569] How fucked up is that, man?

[2570] Having a job that tests your piss.

[2571] Hey, Greg, what are you having fun over the weekend?

[2572] You fucking loser.

[2573] Yeah.

[2574] Those are the same jobs to tell you you can't date anybody from work.

[2575] It's like, all right, so you got me working 12 hours a day.

[2576] I don't see anybody else in my life.

[2577] And I can't date the women that I'm, you know.

[2578] Yeah, but that creates complications, man. I know, but they shouldn't make it illegal.

[2579] That's true.

[2580] They can suggest it.

[2581] Yeah, you can't tell people what to do They do They fucking tell a manager He can't sleep with an employee Well, that's because they're worried about some Harvey Weinstein Oh, yeah, right That makes sense Because that's always the thing The boss fucking the secretary, right?

[2582] You know, I know a guy, a real recently guy Who works for this big ass corporation That got busted Yeah Send it home to the secretary baby Oh shit In that office day in, day out Looking at each other Giving each other a nod What are they doing?

[2583] And then one day In the workplace, or they went to a hotel?

[2584] I don't know.

[2585] I don't know specifics, but he's in trouble.

[2586] You know him personally?

[2587] I know.

[2588] I can't talk.

[2589] I'll tell you later.

[2590] When you tell me the story about the guy who gave babies to Michael Jackson...

[2591] Oh, I know who you're talking about.

[2592] Oh, that's right.

[2593] Even worse, your story involves kids dying that got sent to Michael Jackson, isn't it?

[2594] Isn't that what it is?

[2595] It's entirely possible.

[2596] Yes.

[2597] Now I know what you're referring to.

[2598] Yeah.

[2599] Oh, I got other things to tell you about that guy.

[2600] That guy.

[2601] We can't tell you, folks, because...

[2602] We don't want to get sued.

[2603] Yeah.

[2604] You just can't talk about certain things.

[2605] But who knows what was actually going on?

[2606] You know, I've always had the weirdest theory about Michael Jackson.

[2607] Right.

[2608] That he was castrated.

[2609] He's a castrata.

[2610] Oh, I would buy that.

[2611] The voice.

[2612] The voice, the body, extremely thin.

[2613] It didn't look like he had any muscle at all.

[2614] Which is like what someone who's been castrated would look like.

[2615] No testosterone at all.

[2616] Couldn't sleep.

[2617] Super high -pitched voice.

[2618] Kept that high -pitched voice deep into his 50s.

[2619] Yeah.

[2620] I mean, I don't think the sleep thing, I think it's just riddled with anxiety and craziness and all the fucking plastic surgery.

[2621] I mean, he was literally an exercise in madness.

[2622] That was a person who went mad from people paying him.

[2623] attention to him.

[2624] With unlimited resources.

[2625] Is that him looking jacked?

[2626] That doesn't look as jacked as a girl goes to CrossFit.

[2627] You know what's amazing, though, about him is for a scrawny, effeminate guy, he acted like a badass in his videos.

[2628] You know what I mean?

[2629] He actually played the part of a guy who was like, you know, going to kick somebody's ass.

[2630] Smooth criminal.

[2631] Didn't you have a sports jacket on?

[2632] in the thriller video, like a letterman's jacket, right?

[2633] Wouldn't that play that outfit?

[2634] Yeah, I watched Thriller the other day.

[2635] My kids love it, man. Yeah.

[2636] They love the scene where he turns into a werewolf.

[2637] Yeah.

[2638] My youngest daughter, I go, he's like a little cat person.

[2639] It's not even a wolf.

[2640] They're making it a cartoon or some shit.

[2641] I just saw it.

[2642] Thriller?

[2643] Yeah, in some way or another.

[2644] Huh.

[2645] The werewolf was so corny looking now.

[2646] It's like, it was so weird.

[2647] Like, it was not really a werewolf.

[2648] It was like a werewolf cat sort of thing.

[2649] You remember?

[2650] Remember what it looked like?

[2651] Yeah, yeah.

[2652] Like the whiskers grubes.

[2653] grew out of his face.

[2654] I remember being super excited about it because it was Rick Baker that did it.

[2655] He's the same guy who did the American Warwolf in London.

[2656] He did a lot of Star Wars.

[2657] He's a makeup guy, special effects guy.

[2658] He created those masks and all the crazy shit that you saw on a lot of the really badass horror movies back down.

[2659] Like there, that's it.

[2660] Like, what is that?

[2661] That's not a wolf?

[2662] What are those whiskers?

[2663] Like that's some weird...

[2664] Kind of a monkey mouth.

[2665] Yeah.

[2666] You're right?

[2667] It's almost like a baboon mouth, right?

[2668] What is that?

[2669] Hey, he's like a baboon man. That's snake eyes.

[2670] Yeah.

[2671] It's like a lot of thing.

[2672] But that one looks like a werewolf.

[2673] Go full screen on that one.

[2674] You got, oh, see?

[2675] Ooh, that's badass.

[2676] It was pretty cool.

[2677] It was interesting.

[2678] Yeah.

[2679] But it was not a werewolf like you would think of a werewolf, like an American werewolf in London werewolf.

[2680] They also had on the high school jacket, right?

[2681] Did he?

[2682] You pull up the American werewolf in London.

[2683] I don't remember that Oh, maybe not An American Werewolf in London Maybe he did when they were walking through the bogs Because he was supposed to be a college guy Right So maybe he had a college Letterman's jacket on Oh no, it was just a Yeah, it was just a downcoat Fuck, that's a good movie That was, I gotta show my kids that movie Don't show them Oh, they're old enough That's an intense movie Oh, look at that Jesus Christ, go full screen on that I don't remember that scene That's a painting or something.

[2684] Oh.

[2685] Oh, obviously.

[2686] Whoa.

[2687] How old should my daughter be before she watches Bruno?

[2688] What's Bruno?

[2689] Oh, that's like the gay...

[2690] Yeah, now.

[2691] It's okay, right?

[2692] Yeah, she likes the beach, boys.

[2693] Show us some gay shit.

[2694] She'll ask me if she can watch a movie at dinner.

[2695] I'm always like, I don't know what's appropriate anymore for anybody.

[2696] My wife got mad because I showed the nine -year -old, the original.

[2697] Alien movie.

[2698] Oh, did it scare?

[2699] No. She's a little badass.

[2700] She hung in there.

[2701] She loved it.

[2702] Yeah?

[2703] She's like, it's a slow movie.

[2704] A lot of times kids like that, their intention span is too short for a slow movie like that.

[2705] You really think that movie's slow?

[2706] Oh, yeah.

[2707] I heard Blade Runner, the new Blade Runner is very slow.

[2708] I know the old one was.

[2709] But very awesome.

[2710] Really?

[2711] Yeah, I heard it's like super underrated.

[2712] All these people are, like, it's not doing well.

[2713] Yeah.

[2714] I haven't seen it, but I need to see it.

[2715] But a lot of people are saying that it's like really slow.

[2716] Yeah.

[2717] No movies are doing well this year.

[2718] What do you think that is?

[2719] Maybe people are watching Netflix more?

[2720] I think that's exactly what it is.

[2721] Because the movie experience is an hour and a half, two hours, right?

[2722] Plus getting there, parking.

[2723] A lot of money.

[2724] Netflix is like, what, nine bucks a month?

[2725] Mm -hmm.

[2726] And you could just binge watch House of Cars, so your fucking head falls off.

[2727] Yeah.

[2728] I'm watching the O -A right now.

[2729] What's that?

[2730] It's a weird, supernatural thriller.

[2731] on Netflix.

[2732] It's fucking great.

[2733] It's great.

[2734] Although some assholes on Twitter thought it was a good idea to give me some spoilers.

[2735] Oh, that's fucked out.

[2736] You twots.

[2737] I shouldn't have said.

[2738] I was just trying to tell people that I found a good show.

[2739] And then I fucked up because, again, late at night, barely paid attention, read some of the comments.

[2740] I'm like, God damn it.

[2741] No. She got a wolf shirt on.

[2742] What does it say?

[2743] We don't need a season two of the OA.

[2744] Oh, fuck.

[2745] off people just think it's such a great idea to be negative I know so much fun to be negative although I bad mouth Aerosmith on this episode you did a little bit I'm a hypocrite I don't feel good about that well you did what you got to do oh my um you know what the best show I've seen in a long time is the Americans it's on um it's on Amazon Prime it's about this couple that comes from Russia and they've been died they've been taught to be Americans from the time they were like, you know, 12 years old.

[2746] You know that's based on a true story.

[2747] Yeah, Monclair, New Jersey.

[2748] Dude, that fucking, the acting is Kerry Russell.

[2749] I forget the guy's name, but they're just so fucking good.

[2750] I gotta write that one.

[2751] She's a badass.

[2752] Carrie Russell.

[2753] What else has she been in?

[2754] She was in that, uh, Felicity, right?

[2755] Felicity, which was huge.

[2756] What's that?

[2757] It was on 15 years ago on Fox.

[2758] Yeah.

[2759] Really?

[2760] Yeah.

[2761] But it's like, I watched six, I watched six seasons of it in, in, in, six months.

[2762] And they fucked a bunch of other people, right?

[2763] Like it was part of the thing.

[2764] Yeah, it's part of their job is they both go off and fuck other people.

[2765] And what are the people he has to fuck?

[2766] Well, I don't want to spoil it.

[2767] Hey, settle it down.

[2768] You'll see.

[2769] You'll say it all.

[2770] Don't say nothing.

[2771] All right, let's wrap this up and we're going to talk about all the things we couldn't talk about on the air.

[2772] Yeah.

[2773] Hey, thank you so much for being on episode one.

[2774] My pleasure.

[2775] Can I give you some dates?

[2776] Fuck yeah, yeah.

[2777] Oh, let's do it.

[2778] Let everybody know where the fuck Greg Fitzsimmons is going to be.

[2779] Greatfoot Simmons's going to be.

[2780] Greg Fitzsman.

[2781] To you.

[2782] Fittsdog .com.

[2783] Fitzdog .com.

[2784] This weekend in Grand Rapids, Michigan, the 19th through 21st, Spokane Comedy Club, November 2nd through the 4th, Atlanta Punchline, November 17th through 19.

[2785] And Zanies in Nashville, December 8th and 9th.

[2786] Boom.

[2787] Zanies and Nashville, one of the great clubs in the country.

[2788] It's a fun club.

[2789] I was one of the best.

[2790] Oh, wait a minute.

[2791] Now, I've never worked there.

[2792] Oh, good.

[2793] No?

[2794] No. Oh, good.

[2795] That was one of the ones, remember I was telling you, where Gersh kept clubs from me?

[2796] Yeah.

[2797] When I was with them, that was one of the ones.

[2798] Oh, all right.

[2799] It's a great spot.

[2800] Yeah.

[2801] Ladies and gentlemen, that is it for episode one from the new studio.

[2802] Thank you so much.

[2803] We'll be back soon.

[2804] Bye -bye.